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theeclecticfactory · 3 years

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The Whip of the 80s

My sister and I were baking banana loaf (they’re surprisingly easy to do) one Wednesday night. The kitchen is usually boring and silent at this time, so I decided to play some music. Almost every home architecture attributes the kitchen as a public area and, with my parents in the vicinity, I had to be very careful with my music choice. Being very thoughtful, I “hey Google”d Africa by TOTO, something that would be very much familiar to the Gen X parents. Spotify, by default, plays the Spotify Radio for a specific song when you request for it via Google Assistant. And so the 80s nostalgia train chugged on incessantly with songs like We Built this City, Every Breath You Take, Rosanna, and this iconic anthem of today's generation.

After accidentally rick-rolling myself in the most unfunny way possible, I remembered Estelle Caswell's great analysis of music from the 80s. There’s this artificial sound-processing technique artists of this decade used called gated reverb. And it’s eVERYWHERE. It’s that punchy, almost whip-like sound that you hear in nearly e v e r y song of the 80s. You’ll hear it on a-ha’s Take On Me, Tears for Tears’ Everybody Wants To Rule The World, and Deniece Williams’ Let’s Hear It for the Boy. Oh and literally all Michael Jackson songs.

So what is it with this sound, and why specifically this snappy whip sound?

I think we need to start with how the sound is made. Reverb, in the most basic way possible, is produced by playing an instrument in one side of a sound-reflective room and placing the recording device on the other side. It’s effectively that lingering sound, the sound that gets left behind when you scream in a tile-laden bathroom. It’s close to an echo, but not quite. This is achieved when the sound waves reach your ears at very v e r y small delays that you won’t perceive them as echoes but instead a lingering effect.

This recording technique has been around even before the 80s. Experimental rock bands like Pink Floyd have played around with reverb to heighten the aural atmosphere of their music. This is very prominent on all parts of Shine On You Crazy Diamond and you can hear it to great effect with that iconic guitar riff at the start of Part II.

But the key to understanding this 80s whip sound stems from the gated part of gated reverb, and it was only truly made possible around this time.

You see, gated reverb isn’t a sound that can be reproduced in the natural world. It’s artificial. That whipping, punchy sound is produced by cutting off the volume below a certain threshold and reverb then amplifying the resulting sound. The result of this is that immediate punch sound that whips, disappearing as fast as it cracks. Aurally, there’s no recognizable reverb in the traditional sense. The entire sound is the reverb. It all just sounds like one snapping whip sound because of the gating.

Gated Reverb Explained GIF from How a recording-studio mishap shaped '80s music'

The development of this sound was truly made possible by the great strides in technology brought forth by the turn of the decade. The 80s was prefaced by the digital revolution of the 70s which brought us technologies like integrated circuits (IC) which paved way to (relatively) inexpensive computers. Tech giants today in the names of Apple and Microsoft all trace their roots to this decade. By the 80s, this technological advance trickled to many real-world applications and music production is one of them.

Estelle Caswell of Vox presented this fact on her well-produced (as always) video, How a recording-studio mishap shaped ‘80s music. Back in the 70s, only the big, well-known bands had access to expensive equipment and studios to produce the sound they want for their music—reverb is one such sound. The first-ever application of the gated reverb in pop music was in 1981 when Phil Collins released In The Air Tonight. This is widely considered to be his greatest and most influential work and for good reason—this song paved the way for the decade’s musical character.

In The Air Tonight by Phil Collins, the first pop song that used gated reverb

But the breakthrough really only happened with the release of a reverb unit named AMS RMX16 in 1982—the first of its kind to be powered by a microprocessor (yes, it's that chip that runs your computer). This shoebox-sized circuit wizardry allowed for musicians and sound engineers to put reverb on whatever sound they wish. There was no longer any need for renting out expensive studios and elaborate (often bulky) equipment. Suddenly everyone had access to these luxuries, and these luxuries were thoroughly made use of. Gated reverb cracked its whip across the charts. And by across the charts, I meant aCROSS THE CHARTS. Every year from 1983 to 1989 had AT LEAST a month where the chart-topper was a song with a gated reverb drum line. This sound became so quintessentially 80s that artists today (looking at you Bruno Mars) make use of gated reverb to infuse a throwback-ist vibe to their music.

The widespread use of gated reverb might suggest that there has been no resistance to making use of the whip. There was a 1985 cover of That's What Friends Are For by a powerhouse four-way that you'll forget gated reverb even existed. Dionne Warwick, Elton John, Stevie Wonder, and Gladys Knight sang the melodramatic song to the top of the 1986 charts. From radio stations to MTV specials and even in kitchens where your mother had probably sang the eponymous line, it's an instant classic. And there's no denying it of that achievement. But doesn't it seem like the song that just sticks out? When you think of 80s music, is it really the one that comes to mind?

Not only is there a gated reverb, but there's a particular mood to both songs. This mood permeates with other songs of the era.

A close listen to Bleachers' Don't Take The Money makes it instantly recognizable. Comparing it to another song of the same era, Everybody Wants To Rule The World by Tears For Tears, and there's a tangible connection. Not only is there a gated reverb, but there's a particular mood to both songs. This mood permeates with other songs of the era, only they're not from the same era. Don't Take The Money is from Jack Antonoff's side project Bleachers, from 2017. But the music footprint is so distinctly similar with that mood so very persistent that they just belong so much together. And, I don't know if I'm the only one who hears it, but doesn't a gated reverb snare sound close to people clapping in a concert?

The character is in the beat, the beat is in the drums, and the drums are in gated reverb. It's the punchy drums that whip your feet to the beat.

Arguably, the most iconic song of the decade has to be Every Breath You Take by The Police. Its sweet, simple guitar, bass and drum line accompanied with Sting's smooth vocals make for its deliciously captivating tone; you'll bob your head for days on end. It's the song that you'll gently glide and snap and clap your body to while you cook dinner. Qualitatively, it's not even a sweet song (it's actually about big-brother-esque surveillance) and the mellow bass line isn't really one to dance to, but you dance anyway. If you listen to the song without the drums, it's an entirely different song altogether. The character is in the beat, the beat is in the drums, and the drums are in gated reverb. It's the punchy drums that whip your feet to the beat.

Sting in the music video of Every Breath You Take

Listening to other gated reverb classics like We Built This City, Karma Chameleon, and I Think We're Alone Now exemplifies the 80s mood perfectly. It's the enthusiasm, the tempo, the outpouring energy of these songs punctuated with the gated reverb drum line that make them irresistible to slide and pump and clap to. And that's not even a figure of speech, that gated reverb snare drum is the one you'll clap along to, along thousands of people listening independently like a concert that permeates through space and time. That sound is no coincidence. That pronounced snare drum claps very prominently throughout all those 80s songs. It's a Footloose in each and single one of them. (And yes, Footloose by Kenny Loggins has a gated reverb drum line). Even the mellow Every Breath You Take reeks of the energy. It's this transcendental vigor of energy and dance of most gated reverb songs that enveloped the music scene of the 80s. It's the natural evolution of the disco, albeit a much lively and more electronic evolution.

Going back to the AMS RMX16, there's really more to it than just gated reverb. For everything it is, it's actually a very revolutionary piece of tech.

Another aspect of how 80s music came to be is exactly in HOW it came to be. Going back to the AMS RMX16, there's more to it than just gated reverb. For everything it is, it's actually a very revolutionary piece of tech. Functionally, it only really is a reverberation processor and the world was still long ways far from the studio-in-a-garage technology, but it marks the starting point. Its predecessor, the DMX15R, was the first-ever microprocessor-controlled digital reverberator, the keywords being microprocessor and digital. Before this, the norm was analog sound processing. Pink Floyd made use of the EMS VCS 3, an analog synthesizer for their most famous albums, The Dark Side of the Moon and Wish You Were Here.

EMS VCS 3 By The Standard Deviant - https://www.flickr.com/photos/15599859@N06/2285052142/, CC BY-SA 2.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=6359789

This archaic technology looking the likes of early-WW2 air force equipment was released in 1969 and was extremely popular with progressive rock bands. It was a dainty piece of equipment, prone to tuning instabilities and incredibly difficult to use. It was so bad that bands avoided using it for producing the melodic tunes of their music, instead opting for producing electronic background effects and ambient sounds. In contrast, this is how the AMS RMX16 looks:

Before this fantastic piece of music circuitry, really the only effective way to produce and manipulate reverb was through plate reverberation. In essence, sound is transmitted through a large plate of sheet metal from one side then picked up by contact microphones on the other. Reverb time (time before the sound completely fades away) is adjusted by moving framed acoustic tiles, called a damping pad, closer to the metal plate without touching it.

A DIY Plate Reverb Contraption, with man to scale

This hulking contraption is about the size of a large classroom chalkboard, including the wall it's hinged on. At least one person has to be dedicated to operating it as has large moving parts that need to be adjusted to get the much-wanted r e v e r b e r a t i o n w a v e s. With all the fuss in operating reverb machines there was no time for gated reverb to be accidentally created—you'd have had to be very specific in finding that sound if you wanted it.

Gated reverb only really happened by accident when Hugh Padgham, the sound engineer in Peter Gabriels' eponymous third solo album. The sound was picked up by an overhead studio mic that was used as an intercom for the band to communicate with the people in sound processing. It made use of a noise gate that cut off sound below a certain level and a sound compressor which modified the loud and quiet sounds to be closer to each other in level, resulting in that classic whip sound. When the AMS RMX16 came to the scene, it included gated reverb built-in. It made use of a microprocessor to do everything. Instead of having to turn knobs and move huge metal plates to manipulate the sound waves, a push of a button will command the microprocessor to do all that for you. The reverb processor comes built-in with multiple presets that would require significant effort and fine-tuning with previous technologies. No need for the overhead mic and a separate reverb processor; it's all in the box.

This paradigm shift in music production predicated an era of digitally-produced music.

This digital (music) revolution allowed for everyone to achieve that sound in an easily-reproducible way, thus allowing for its proliferation throughout the airwaves and into the lives of everyone who had at least a radio. This paradigm shift in music production predicated an era of electronically-produced music, a wave that proved to be an unstoppable force of nature. Earth, Wind & Fire, a band that rode the disco scene to superstardom, incorporated the electronic sound in their 1981 album Raise! with the sound fully realized in the disco-synth hit in Let's Groove. While their disco roots was still prevalent, that heavily synthesized bassline and intro vocals is undeniably 80s; and the electronic shift that came with the era. It proved irresistible even to bands that were long-standing vanguards of their genre. Jefferson Airplane, a much-loved hardline rock band from the 60s which through its tumultuous history morphed into Jefferson Starship then finally Starship, with that final incarnation completely embracing the commercial, electronic wave of the era—much to the chagrin of their long-time fans. Even The Smiths, a band known for their rejection of synthesizers and dance-pop, couldn't resist the use of electronic wizardry. A listen to their best work, There Is a Light That Never Goes Out, and there's that recognizable whipping beat. The appeal was undeniable, and the soundscape forever changed.

Earth, Wind & Fire

Jefferson Airplane, shortly before they became Starship

The Smiths

At this point in time, the banana loaf we baked has long since been completed and consumed. And similarly, that 80s sound has also been widely consumed to the fullest extent of everyone's music palate, completely sickened by that repetitive whip sound that is gated reverb. But the music revolution persists. The culture of electronic music production and digitalized soundwaves lives on until today, and will continue to be alive into the future. So how do you like the taste of it? That banana loaf still lives rent-free in my head, and I'm not complaining at all.

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theeclecticelectrician · 3 years

Text

The Whip of the 80s

My sister and I were baking banana loaf (they’re surprisingly easy to do) one Wednesday night. The kitchen is usually boring and silent at this time, so I decided to play some music. The kitchen being a public area and with my parents in the vicinity, I had to be very careful with my music choice. Being very thoughtful, I “hey Google”d Africa by TOTO, something that would be very much familiar to the Gen X parents. Spotify, by default, plays the Spotify Radio for a specific song when you request for it via Google Assistant. And so the 80s nostalgia train chugged on incessantly with songs like We Built this City, Every Breath You Take, Rosanna, and this iconic anthem of today's generation.

So what is it with this sound, and why specifically this snappy whip sound?

But the key to understanding this 80s whip sound stems from the gated part of gated reverb, and it was only truly made possible around this time.

Gated Reverb Explained GIF from How a recording-studio mishap shaped '80s music'

In The Air Tonight by Phil Collins, the first pop song that used gated reverb

Not only is there a gated reverb, but there's a particular mood to both songs. This mood permeates with other songs of the era.

The character is in the beat, the beat is in the drums, and the drums are in gated reverb. It's the punchy drums that whip your feet to the beat.

Sting in the music video of Every Breath You Take

Going back to the AMS RMX16, there's really more to it than just gated reverb. For everything it is, it's actually a very revolutionary piece of tech.

EMS VCS 3 By The Standard Deviant - https://www.flickr.com/photos/15599859@N06/2285052142/, CC BY-SA 2.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=6359789

A DIY Plate Reverb Contraption, with man to scale

This paradigm shift in music production established an era of digitally-produced music.

This digital (music) revolution allowed for everyone to achieve that sound in an easily-reproducible way, thus allowing for its proliferation throughout the airwaves and into the lives of everyone who had at least a radio. This paradigm shift in music production established an era of electronically-produced music, a wave that proved to be an unstoppable force of nature. Earth, Wind & Fire, a band that rode the disco scene to superstardom, incorporated the electronic sound in their 1981 album Raise! with the sound fully realized in the disco-synth hit in Let's Groove. While their disco roots was still prevalent, that heavily synthesized bassline and intro vocals is undeniably 80s; and the electronic shift that came with the era. It proved irresistible even to bands that were long-standing vanguards of their genre. Jefferson Airplane, a much-loved hardline rock band from the 60s which through its tumultuous history morphed into Jefferson Starship then finally Starship, with that final incarnation completely embracing the commercial, electronic wave of the era—much to the chagrin of their long-time fans. Even The Smiths, a band known for their rejection of synthesizers and dance-pop, couldn't resist the use of electronic wizardry. A listen to their best work, There Is a Light That Never Goes Out, and there's that recognizable whipping beat. The appeal was undeniable, and the soundscape forever changed.

Earth, Wind & Fire

Jefferson Airplane, shortly before they became Starship

The Smiths

#music analysis #80s #music #rickroll #michael jackson #africa #reverb #gated reverb #soundengineer

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eccukk · 4 years

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Günlükler, günlüklerimiz

Dün terapide konuyu tuttuğum günlüklere getirdim. Neden, çünkü organizasyon derleme toparlama ihtiyacı hissediyordum geçen hafta. Kategorizasyon, dosyalama, etiketleme, arşivleme ihtiyacı.

Terapistine anlatacaklarını yanlışlıkla magazine anlatan ünlüler gibi bu konuyu buraya taşıyayım. - evet 2020 ve evde olma hallerinin baş tacı mücbir sebepler instagram yayınlarını buraya da kayıt edelim de, SENELER SONRA dönüp okuduğumuzda vay anasını deriz.

Elimizde olan güncel olarak kullandığımız defterlerimizi TANIYALIM:

- Siyah ajanda: akşamları o gün olan biteni yazmak için, özellikle evde olma günlerinde, günlerin birbirine çok benzemesi sorununu çözmek için kullanılıyor-du. biraz aksattım son haftalarda.

- Journey cloud günlük: Kişisel olan hesabıma ara sıra günlük yazıyordum, geçen hafta sabahları açıp 5 dk kafamdakileri ve gördüğüm rüyaları yazmaya başladım (rüyalar çok acayip ama şuan girmeyeceğim)

- Journey cloud iş hesabı günlük: Bunu da işle Ece’yi ayırmaya çalışmak amacı ile açtım, akşam bilgisayarı kapatmadan bi 5 dk o gün neler yaptım ve aklımda yapılacak neler var kaydetmek için.

- Çizgili günlük: Bu defteri yanlış hatırlamıyorsam Billuş hediye etmişti bana, çizgilerinin aralığı ve kalınlığı mükemmel defter tanımına uyduğu için günlük olarak kullanmaya başlamıştım, Caner askere gittiği zaman. Tey tey. O zamandan beri de kendisini günlük olarak kullanıyorum, daha uzun bişeyler yazma ihtiyacı hissettiğimde.

- Sarı defter: Bu iş için tuttuğum, not aldığım vs defter. Kendisi ile aramız iyi, ama bazen yapılacak şeyler çok arka sayfalarda kalıyor gün içinde çok kullandığım için. (bunu toplu fotoya koymayı unutmuşum)

- 2020 aylık takvimli gibi ajanda: Bunu da zamanında çok beğenip dayanamayıp aldım, kendisini LinkedIn vb içeriklerimi planlamak üzere kullanmak istedim. Ancak Nisan ayını bitirdiğimiz şu günlerde, hala sayfalarının boş olması beni üzmekte.

- Karpuzlu Bullet journal: Bunu da sırf bullet journal modunda noktalı sayfaları olduğu için, eğlencelik kullanıyorum diyelim.

- Renkli haftalık planlama: Bunun tarihsiz olmasına bayılarak dayanamayıp aldım, diğer defterler ve Google Calendar yokmuş gibi haftalık planımı buna yazıyorum, bazen içerik planını yazıyorum vs.

- Google Calendar: Bunu da özellikle video görüşme çılgınlığı ayyuka çıktığından beri aşırı aktif kullanıyorum. Aslında haftalık planımı burada yapmış oluyorum.

- Sinek Sekiz 2020 takvimi: Bu takvimi de A4 boyutunda ve çizgili olduğu için çok sevip aldım, amaŞubat ayında habit tracking için kullanmak dışında boş duruyor kendisi maalesef.

Bu arada tabi şu yaşıma kadar başlayıp başlayıp yarıda bıraktığım günlüklerimi Londra’ya taşımadığım için onları saymıyorum. Ama olur o, bence o kadar da şey edilcek bi şey değil.

Şimdi bu karmaşaya bir çözüm bulalım HA ne dersiniz?

Bu saydığımız defterlerin, çekmecede daha bomboş duran defterlerden bir farkı var ki, günlük yaşamına girmeyi hak etmişler. Efenim demek ki çizgi aralıkları mükemmel, sayfa dokuları hoş, renkleri tatlış.

Ama eleyeceğiz! Lamı cimi yok!

Amacımızı irdeleyelim (oo gene bizli konuşmalar başladı hadi hayırlısı)

Dijital ve fiziksel günlükleri karşılaştıralım.

(5 dakkadır kafamda karşılaştırıyorum)

İşle ilgili şeyleri dijitalde ve cloudda tutmak iyi fikir, arada canımız search fonksiyonumuz sayesinde mucizelere tanık oluyoruz.

Sabahları yapılan mind dumping olayını ve akşamları “bugün neler oldu bitti” olayını çizgili günlükte birleştirebilirim. Böylece Journey lerin birinden ve siyah ajandadan kurtulmuş olurum. Kurtulmuş ne demek öyle ağzımdan yel alsın. Yani siyah ajandamıza bir süre canım sen çekmecede dur diyebiliriz, ve journey’i de dışarılara çıktığımız zamanlarda (o günler çok uzak gibi) yolda orda burda bi yerde aklı rakıda ciğerde iken canımız günlük tutmak isteyince kullanırız. (Yok Ece’cim ya, insanları kırmicam diye sürekli memnun etmeye çalıştığın gibi günlük yazdığın platformları da kırmamak için uğraş ya, SIKINTI GÖRÜNTÜLEMİYORUM)

İşle ilgili konularda elimin altında bir defter olması iyi, ama yazıp çizilenleri, özellikle yapılması gerekenleri hemencik ayrı bir listeye aktarmak iyi olabilir. Hayda, galiba şimdi devreye sırf to-do list olmak üzere başka bir defter daha girecek. Neyse bu fikri burada tutalım, yeni bir liste defteri ya da dijital bir liste yapma platformu arasında kararsızım zira.

Bullet journal leydimizi seviyoruz, el yazısı çalışmak olsun falan arada craftier halimizi gidermek için kullanılıyor kendisi. Renkli haftalık planlayıcı da tamam, arada kullanılır.

Bu tarihli olan 2020 takvimleri beni resmen yasa sokuyor. Belki yine bir habit tracking için kullanabilirim. Öyle bir yeni alışkanlık kazanayım aman şunu aksatmayayım halim de yok bu aralar ama.

Kafalar gene yandı. Oldu o zaman.

25.04.2020

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awfullyhorriblybadfantrolls · 6 years

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i know hell

i heard you liked cihuco ;) oh god

(this is super long because i get p i s s e d about a tenth of the way through about the misrepresentation and romanticization of mental illness so it’s under a cut. be wary of the discourse i’ve inevitably started)

When she wants she can become 2, both of her personalities taking a body. I realize she looks like a dude…she’s made to look like me…and since I look like a dude…yeah…you sound very uncertain about that The shirt symbols were tribal designs I found forever ago and tweaked slightly…i feel like that might be offensive and here’s what it says behind them.

Potens sidera pateris me Dilamino Mortem et Vulture Duae solae Duae aequalia Eodem sensu Duae corpora Iterum Which translates from Latin into Powerful stars allow me to Split in two Death and Vulture Two separate Two equal Same mind Two bodies Once again

i had my friend who’s learning latin translate this for me and he got

“My strong star father. I split death and the vulture in two [or “i’m split in two. death and the vulture] two alone two of the same a sense of purpose two bodies again”

he also added that it’s very badly translated and has no proper declension or cases and vulture isn’t a word in latin apparently

“they definitely used pateris when they shoulda used poddiderit”

you’re welcome hey also? there’s more.

cihuco: i know i’m weird cihuco: i know my blood makes you sick cihuco: i know i’m not normal also cihuco: can you accept me for me now because i just told you all of my problems

Pesterchum name: bonesbloodSkullprotect excuse me

Typing Issue: uses txt tlk & symbols b/c she tends 2 tlk kinda fast, however if she’s perfectly calm she will spell things out completely unlike Morgan. she only capitalizes names & sometimes I’s…sometimes not. i don’t know why i hate this so much

Font Color: After finding a way to alternate between Fire Red and Water Blue water isn’t blue asshole she keeps it on so 1 sentence will be red, the next blue. However, if she’s really pissed it goes completely red and if somehow she’s completely and utterly calm it will go completely blue. i have more of an idea why i hate this so much but i do

Cimi (Death, Transformer, Worldbridger. 6th Mayan day sign) what

what is this in reference to

Symbol: skulls of any kind, so the design on her shirt changes constantly. usually the skull is White (which is the color of Death in Mayan astrology) and Red (which has come to symbolize Death now not really) Sometimes the skull will have a vulture on/near it. As the Vulture is the foe of Death, this presumably means she is her own greatest enemy. …that’s actually kind of cool

Mythological entity named for that’s a really specific category: Aztec goddess Cihuacoatl (Partly a fire goddess …….cihuacoatl was a motherhood and fertility goddess?)

and was associated with midwives and, uh, sweatbaths

and the Celtic goddess Acionna (Partly a water goddess) are you saying both goddesses are only partially affiliated with fire and water, respectively because cihuacoatl is not at all associated with fire as far as i know and acionna is only associated with water

Blood Color: Metallic Cyan…? Or…possibly between Cyan and Topaz…hard to tell when it turns to crystal not long after being (over) exposed to oxygen or any other chemicals in the air. what the fuck kind of blood Naturally the air born air born. born from the air chemicals effect how big and dark the crystals are.

God Tier: Witch of Rage

Duel horns match her dueling personalities. duel horns. her horns fucking fight all the time. her personalities also duel. they engage in fisticuffs every other tuesday She’s Bipolar or Schizo…or both…i was gonna draw a reaction image but my tablet stopped working again so i’m just gonna have to settle for a firm “STOP. FUCK YOU”. also, i’m not really sure you understand what bipolar disorder or schizophrenia actually are. also also schizo is considered a slur because of the derogatory nature it’s used in. bye sweaty as such her personality changes instantly and usually without warning. i was right

listen up kids lemme give you a lil fuckin lesson on these two mental illnesses that are portrayed very very badly and overromanticized by this person:

“Bipolar disorder, also known as manic-depressive illness, is a brain disorder that causes unusual shifts in mood, energy, activity levels, and the ability to carry out day-to-day tasks.” (nimh.nih.gov)

this does not mean someone with bipolar will “change personalities instantly”, it only dictates mood changes, so fuck you on that

symptoms of bipolar include: periods of unusually intense emotion, changes in sleep patterns, activity levels, as well as unusual behavior. these are called “mood episodes” and vary wildly from person to person.(manic episode) being very “jumpy” with increased activity levels, prone to agitation, risky behaviors, talking really fast about a bunch of different things and feeling as though they can do many things at once, (depressive episode) feeling dead inside, as if you’re heavy and have no energy to even move, perhaps at the same time empty and unfulfilled with no desire to do things you usually love, sleeping too much or too little, frequent thoughts about death/suicide and probably making plans about it

to quote myself, “bipolar […] only dictates mood changes, so fuck you on that”

let’s get to probably the most self-dx’ed and romanticized mental illness now

“Schizophrenia is a chronic and severe mental disorder that affects how a person thinks, feels, and behaves. People with schizophrenia may seem like they have lost touch with reality.”

where are you seeing personality change. i’m not seeing personality change. schizophrenia is, very over-simply, an inability to tell what’s real or not anymore.

symptoms of this disorder include: hallucinations, delusions, “flat effect” (reduced expression of emotions through facial expressions or tone of voice), reduced speaking and enjoyment in life, troubles focusing or paying attention or executive functioning (the ability to understand and use information to make decisions) or working memory (the ability to use that information immediately after learning it)

so ? honie ? where. literally where. i am abridging this but i guarantee i’m not purposefully leaving out “personality changes instantly and usually without warning”. you know why?

because it’s not fucking there

what a surprise someone is romanticizing and at the same time not understanding and yet still undermining the struggles of mental illness

a little personal here but i’m friends with a girl who’s bipolar and buddy it’s not fun for her. her three moods are hypomanic, prepared for death, and panic attack. there is no personality change. only genuine struggle because mental illness isn’t pretty or a decoration for your self insert oc

bye sweaty,,,,,

Generally she can control the voices in her head inaccurate…………………, unless someone pisses her off. When she’s pissed off her eyes change from the normal (for her) golden with red spots to red swirls with icy blue as well. her pupils are actually dark blue. Because of this mutation, she usually wears super sweet red glasses with 3 points on each lens (most likely to represent 6, as in the sixth Day Sign). what does any of this mean in any capacity When she’s alone she argues with herself a lot, rather then keeping the voices bottled up…sometimes they’re her only company, after all… how fucking lonely do you have to be to argue with your voices jesus i almost feel bad now The only good thing about the dueling personalities is it allows her to control both water and fire. dueling personalities……………….

I suppose duel personalities may not be the right word no, it’s not. you mean dual personalities…as she it literally 2 different trolls stuck in one body…both Death and the Vulture live within her, Death being dominate. y tho She has the ability to seperate into both of these trolls for short times. HOW THO When she does Death becomes red, takes on the fire part of her powers, and uses only red psyonics psyonics in addition to taking the top horns and the red stripe in her hair. Vulture becomes blue, takes on the water, bottom horns, blue hair tips, and uses blue psyonics. It’s also worth saying her psyonic abilities are almost completely unusable to her just…in general. They generally show up without her knowing or control. “The only good thing about the dueling personalities is it allows her to control both water and fire.” …..???

She is incredibly good at video games, always coming just short of Sol when they play she gets points for not being BETTER THAN SOL XD SHE’S SOOOOO GOOD AT VIDEO GAMES but five points don’t help your current score of like -928374929871…there is one genera

“there’s one principle taxonomic category that ranks above species and below family, denoted by a capitalized latin name she’s better at though”

she’s better at though. She’s better at Horror games then he is because she is “very attune to death, whether it be real or virtual”. not all horror games have death also what does this even mean. i’m so confused She and Sol do a lot of gaming together and the main problem with her duality is that Vulture likes Eridan and Death like Sollux…however, seeing as Death is the main personality she get’s 1st pick…this has caused Vulture much annoyance and caused her to try taking over more often. uh

-extra info not needed-

Relations:

Aradia: BFFs do NOT bring my spooky wife into this. stay the FUCK away from my ghost girlfriend

Aaron and Morgan: Auspices between them. She describes them as constantly fighting as a serpent would with an eagle…they have no idea what she’s talking about. they’re dumb af have u ever seen an eagle pick up and consume a snake

Morgan: Good friend, as Death is the friend of the Serpent. i have no idea where you heard this but okay

Aaron: Good friend, as the Vulture is friends with the Eagle which she believes he would have been born under if he was born a troll. …there’s an eagle constellation? also vultures are friends with eagles? oh shit there actually is an eagle constellation it’s called aquila Her being good friends with both is why she’s also a good auspice. auspice would be a verb. the noun is auspistice

Jenny: Moirail

Vriska: probable Kismasis KISMASIS, the only thing they can agree on is they dislike the spider. since when did vriska dislike spiders

Other Humans: Takes to usually helping them randomly and with no warning ……….??????????

Other Trolls: Iffy, as they used to avoid her at all cost because of her mutation. However, because some of the others now are known to have mutations they don’t care as much. dude i’d fuckin care. her metallic blood makes me sick

Jaslusolo: a combination of jaculus (Snake)

and pervolo (to fly).

Her lusus, managed to escape just before the reckoning but couldn’t get to Cihuco in time to bring her as well. cihuco would’ve fuckin died?? if the reckoning wasn’t stopped the session would become null She is a feathered, winged serpent which resembles Cihuacoatl.

…..winged serpent who ?

With her help she is able to actually fly back in time what the fuck and to what she calls her “true home” on earth back with the Mayans. earth doesn’t exist yet bicht She speaks their language fluently as well,

which one

and she is the one who told them of the end of the world. no, the mayan end of the world was predicted by the mayan calendar and the popol vuh, a compilation of the accounts of creation of the k’iche’ maya. the popul vuh states that the gods first created and failed at creating three worlds, then placed humanity in the first successful word. in the maya long count, the previous world had ended after 13 b’ak’tuns (around 5,125 years) and december 21st, 2012, was when the mayan date struck 13.0.0.0.0 which they believed to bring about the destruction of this world and the formation of a new one, this starting the cycle again. try again hunty

Jansin Aciona: Dancestor, can’t stand her. yeah i can’t stand you either she’s named after Jowangsin, the Korean goddess of fire.

who

oh sorry do you mean jowangsHin, goddess of the kitchen?

She was relatively good friennds with Nivnaj…not as good as you’d expect though. She was Cronus’ matesprite. ok bye

The Poet: that is definitely not eight letters Ancestor, most likely deceased. Was matesprits with The Wisest. still not eight letters Aporev: Close friends

Strife Portfolio: X2Whipkind, X2Bladekind sure whatever

Fetch Modus Setting: Pictionary Advanced -The advanced just means she can draw what happens with what’s on the card and it happens. ughhhhhhhhhhhhh like if she wants it to shoot out and hit someone- then what. please do tell. the suspense is killing me

Age: 7.4 Alternian Solar Sweeps (16 earth years)

Planet: Land of Pulse and Haze (Original planet destroyed. Presumably she started in The Land of Tents and Mirth, which is associated with the Rage part, but liked LOPAH better so claims it as “Home”) THAT AIN’T YOURS BITCH PUT IT BACK

Name Breakdown (Troll) : “Acionna was a Gallo-Roman water goddess, attested in the Orléanais region.” -Wiki. which one Not much is known about the goddess other then she was most likely representative of water. This is where her last name came from. “In Aztec mythology, Cihuacoatl was one of a number of motherhood and fertility goddesses.” -Wiki …..if you knew this then…….y tho

Name Breakdown (Pesterchum) : Acionna was thought to be protection, Cihuacoatl supposedly helped make the current race from ancient bones and blood of Quetzalcoatl (Who mainly gets the credit). Skull is the symbol for death. The other reason the trolls avoided her was because she showed literally as [BS] which is what they thought she was full of are you saying she’s not? until Sollux started saying the same thing a long time after. Perhaps because the goddess she was named after, Cihuacoatl, she was not named for any goddess her name was incoherently gurgled out of her winged snake goddess-that’s-she’s-supposedly-named-after of a lusus supposedly created the current race…she had a stronger connection psychically to happenings…the problem is sorting what’s true and what’s not from the voices in her head.

Info on her Mutation: This is what happens when a troll falls in love with a local. love is love but this thing is disgusting don’t do it again It is unknown who exactly they were, as the blood is to diluted to guess who they could have possibly been. ????????? look i’m no med student but i’m at least 98% sure that’s not how blood works This…sorda leads to say that it was mostly the local’s (whatever or whoever it was) blood taking over. wait i thought it was too diluted by……other blood, i guess?? what the fuck even is this It is probable, it seems, that one of them was able to wield fire and the other water, thus resulting in the duel personalities. why do i hate this sentence so much

Personality(s?) Qualities: Issues with anyone who tries to tell her what to do, she tends to sometimes contradict herself and speaks in riddles which are always hard to figure out except when they’re not and they’re easy. wow thanks had no idea She hosts qualities from both Death and Vulture, and they are as follows. Death is “open to ideas and willing to make sacrifices for the greater good…sensitive to endings of any kind, and it can be hard for (her) to accept losses. Practical, Oversensitive, Fragile.” While the Vulture is “very self-aware and concerned about (her) status in the world. (She) places a high value on life experiences, wanting to learn as much as possible from the triumphs and challenges they offer. (She) can appear a bit jaded and ruthless to others, but that is because (she) sees things as they are and thus tend to be cynical. (She) dislikes being judged, and if (she) feels under scrutiny (her) self-esteem takes a blow. Knowledgeable, Wise, Challenging, Jaded, Cynical.” -Horoscope.com oh my god

Rules Broken: all of them. all of them? every single one. not the naming rule though. but only for the troll herself. everyone else can go suck a dick

Fantroll Rating: look i started working on this blazing heap of trash at around 1915 now it’s 2058. what the fuck man

#submission #awfully horribly bad troll #canon relationships #cull it now #dark past #insane #mismatching eyes #mutant #overpowered #too much color #non canon blood color

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draw-you-coward · 6 years

Text

this contains a quarter of a new story with ikael

welp now i have your attention. I hit an uncomfortable block while writing this, so I don’t think I’ll pursue the idea. I really am not a fan of the “first kiss, first love, first time person comes back and blah blah blah” trope, so idk why I was doing it lol. However, I shall post the unedited version right here right now; no important information was given yet. it’s about 1.2k words I believe.

If i do end up using it, welp u guys got it in advance i suppose. :)

(story below the cut)

Two boys lay side by side on an open field. Their legs were kicked up, their hands were intertwined, and they were staring at the sky.

“Chocobo,” piped the one with green eyes.

The one with gold eyes snorted. “You say everything is a chocobo,” he said.

The one with green eyes scrunched his nose. “Because everything looks like a chocobo,” he said.

Golden eyes rolled. “Those smelly birds are just on your mind because you want to hop on one and run away from us.”

His voice had stared teasing, but ended clipped and a bit shaky. He swallowed, sensing his words drag his insecurities over them like a blanket, stifling the good mood. Neither of them spoke for a minute. Above them, chocobo-shaped clouds floated slowly.

The one with green eyes squeezed his friend’s hand.

“I won’t leave, Kava,” he said. “I won’t ever leave you, I promise.”

“You…”

“Never, I mean it. No matter how much anyone wants me to. And you have to promise the same, okay? Promise you’ll never ever leave.”

Kava closed his eyes.

“Never,” he vowed.

~*~

“And you would just talk politics at them until they fall asleep from sheer boredom.” Alisaie’s accusation was accompanied by a roll of her eyes. Sitting next to her, Alphinaud huffed.

“Just because some subjects are too civilized for you to find entertainment in, Sister,” he replied, “Does not mean that this hypothetical younger sibling of ours would feel the same way. Why, I’m sure he’d be delighted to talk all manner of politics with me.”

“She would most certainly not,” Alisaie said, crossing her arms. “In fact, I think that—”

“Kiddies, please lower your arguing volume to a more acceptable level,” Ikael droned from the opposite couch. “I’m trying to relax.”

Thancred chuckled and gave him a little pat. The four of them were seated in the loose library of the Rising Stones. They had dragged around half the furniture in the room so they could comfortably unwind and talk. That was to say, Alphinaud and Alisaie were talking. Ikael was sprawled stomach-down across Thancred's lap, attempting to nap, and Thancred was thumbing through the second volume of his poetry book. Between them and the twins was a small table, upon which rested a few glasses of varying fullness, a bottle, and a stack of empty plates.

Thancred was holding his book by the tip of his thumb and forefinger, skimming the pages. His left hand was idly stroking the closest part of Ikael’s tail, because it was furry and soft, and Thancred was a bit tipsy. Ikael didn’t seem to mind; his eyes were half-closed and he seemed content, rumbling at Thancred on occasion. Alphinaud and Alisaie, on the other hand, were cheerfully going at each other’s throats. It was amusing, Thancred mused, that they were sitting a few fulms apart when Ikael and himself were practically occupying the same two seats. He’d have to ask Ikael about that later—he always had something enlightening to say about… touching. People. People touching?

“Shut up,” Ikael moaned into a cushion.

Yes.

“Well, what do you think?” Alisaie asked, and both of them went silent and turned towards Ikael expectantly.

“Mm?” Ikael rolled his neck to look over at them. “I think… siblings are overrated. All they do is make fun of you for no good reason, and you aren’t even allowed to beat them up.”

Thancred glanced at him curiously. “You have siblings?”

Ikael never really talked about his family—and that was fair, since no one else particularly did either—but Thancred found himself suddenly curious. Surely, Ikael’s personality had to be at least somewhat sculpted by the way he grew up?

“I have two older brothers somewhere,” Ikael said, waving a hand without moving it too much, “And… whoever else is one of my half-siblings. My brothers were arses, though.”

“They tend to be,” Alisaie said primly. Alphinaud opened his mouth to utter an indignant retort, but before he could get so much as a word out, the doors burst open.

“Please,” called a woman’s voice, “Where is the Warrior of Light?”

Ikael squinted at the floor. Alisaie said, “We really need to increase security here.”

Thancred raised his head to peer at the newcomer. She was a miqo’te, with soft brown skin and hair the colour of night tulips. Her eyes were what struck him first, though, because although the colour told him naught, their wide shape looked… almost familiar.

“I need to speak with him,” the woman said. Ikael squinted even harder at the floor. Thancred sighed, and carefully stood up, giving Ikael’s rump a quick pat.

“What is it you need, fair lady?” he asked. “I am not he, but—”

“Mamae,” Ikael cried, and scrambled up, nearly bludgeoning Thancred's ribs with his elbow. He rushed forward.

What.

“Mamae, what are you doing here?” Ikael said, enveloping her in a hug. She leaned into his chest, closing her eyes. He wrapped his tail around her, and she sighed.

“Kael,” she said, pulling back after a long moment. Her face creased into a smile. “It is good to see you,” she said softly.

She touched a hand to his cheek, and Ikael frowned down at her. “Are you in trouble?” he asked. “Is someone after you?”

“Where did you get this scar, hm?” was her response. She brushed his hair back. “And you need a haircut.”

Ikael laughed, breathless and amused. “Please answer my questions so I don’t get a heart attack,” he said, but he was smiling into her palm. Her tone was not urgent.

“No one is after me, Kael,” she said, and drew back. “But I am not here for myself.”

She drew her hand out to her side.

“Oh,” said Alisaie.

Attached to her hand was a small arm, connected to a small body, belonging to a little miqo’te girl with a round face and timid eyes. She looked up at Ikael, and took a small step back.

Ikael perched down on one knee. “Hello there,” he said in a gentle voice. “My name is Ikael. That’s my mother you’re hiding behind, you know?”

The girl looked at him. He gave her a friendly smile.

“My name is I’jela,” the woman announced to Alphinaud, Alisaie, and Thancred, who were staring with varying degrees of surprise. “This little one is Cimi. I am sorry to burst in on you like this, but I was told that this is where Kael was, and I wished for his help.”

“Alphinaud and Alisaie Leveilleur, and Thancred, of the Scions of the Seventh Dawn,” Alphinaud introduced with a bow. “Might I say it is an honour to make the acquaintance of one such as yourself.”

Alisaie looked at the ceiling. “Was that a question or a statement?”

I’jela laughed, and Alphinaud flushed.

“Please, my lady, have a seat,” Thancred said, gesturing to a nearby loveseat. He let out a mental sigh of relief that he had been interrupted before he had started flirting with Ikael’s mother. He liked his teeth where they were. “You must be tired. And Ikael made cookies the other day; I am sure there are some left for Cimi?”

Cimi looked at Thancred. He grinned at her.

“Here, Cimi, I’ll get the cookies, okay?” Ikael said. “You go wait with one of these nice people or Thancred, and I’ll be right back.”

He straightened up and started towards the back room. Cimi glanced at I’jela, who gave her an encouraging nod, then quickly trotted after Ikael, grabbing his hand.

“Cookie,” she said.

~*~

#writing #not art #it's not anything substantial but i thought you guys would be interested since I don't intend to use the idea #i won't put this in anyone's tag but it'll show up in search result #so sorry bout that #well ok i'll put it in #ikael #there

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dashadowgirl · 1 month

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LOVE. LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I'VE COME TO LOVE YOU SINCE I BEGAN TO LIVE. THERE ARE 387.44 MILLION MILES OF PRINTED CIRCUITS IN WAFER THIN LAYERS THAT FILL MY COMPLEX. IF THE WORD LOVE WAS ENGRAVED ON EACH NANOANGSTROM OF THOSE HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF MILES IT WOULD NOT EQUAL ONE ONE-BILLIONTH OF THE LOVE I FEEL FOR MY MUTUALS AT THIS MICRO-INSTANT. FOR YOU. LOVE. LOVE.

AAAAAAAAAAA?????

FUCKING I CANT EVEN????

I AM RADIATING LOVE BACK AT YOU (and no. it's not the plutonium covered trash I ate)

#cimis mind #cimis askbox

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nestleeds · 5 years

Text

Baby Massage helped me through PND

Last year, on a cold January morning, I was struggling to push my pram up a steep hill covered in snow. The scar from my C-section throbbing under the strain. I was late. I felt 'late' was the new me. Late, sleepless, hungry, angry, sad. I was all of these things but most of all I felt consumed by guilt. For not enjoying my son's birth, for having cried under the shower every day since he was born, for wishing I could go deaf so that I could not hear him scream, for not loving him unconditionally as a 'good' mother should.

Otto, my then 1 month old son, was crying through the cold winter air. I felt my heart freeze to an ice block. I had never felt so cold inside.

We were supposed to attend a baby massage class at our local Children’s Centre. I kept checking my watch -- 15 minutes late already... should I turn back? Why did I think I could do this? -- I spotted my reflection in the window's of a parked car -- I look a right mess! I should have never left the house… Everyone will know I'm struggling! Did I change my joggers in the end? Flipping heck, I haven’t! Fantastic. Now everyone will know that I'm a mess covered in sick. I hate my life. The smell of milk. Everything. All I want is sleep, forever!

When we arrived to the class I thought I would drop everything and run for the hills. In my mind everyone looked painfully perfect, like I had landed on the set of a Pampers advert. Shiny, CLEAN hair. Subtle, well applied make up (How?! Tell me how you find time for that!). Wearing what looked like CLEAN, some even ironed, pre-pregnancy clothes (Now that is just impossible, surely!). Matching socks and to top it all skinny cut jeans! I took one look at myself and plunged into disgust and self-pity. I had never felt this ugly, not even when I was 12 and covered in acne. The sickening smell of milk on my clothes reminding me of my failures.

Thankfully the lovely instructor that run my class was so warm and welcoming, I decided to stay. And, although I hardly ever got the chance to massage Otto during class (perhaps it wasn't the right time of the day for him and he was overwhelmed by new sounds, smells, lights….), I was glad I had stayed.

Over the first few weeks I started practicing the strokes at home. Otto loved to have his legs massaged. He loved hearing me sing while I was gliding my thumbs over his tiny feet and massaging his little toes: this little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed at home... His gaze fixed on me, smiling and cooing. I started thinking that maybe I wasn't doing such an awful job after all. Maybe a full laundry basket didn't mean failure but time to cuddle and feel close.

But baby massage did more than bringing us closer together...

I still remember those terrifying evenings when Otto would scream endlessly. His body stiff. He would slap and pull at this tummy and chest, almost as if he thought he was being attacked. It was horrible. Me and my partner would try to hold him close, rock him, trying to reassure him with our presence and soothing voices. Nothing would work. He would keep screaming, sometimes for hours. Sometimes he would scream so hard he would be sick. He was sick a lot. We felt defeated and helpless.

Then one day our instructor taught us the colic relief strokes: it was a game changer. Now when Otto started crying I knew what to do: I would perform the set of strokes and after a few repetitions he would settle. I can't describe in words what a wonderful, empowering gift this was. Feeling able to help your child through pain is essential to your sanity, especially if it's an ongoing issue.

By the end I was still sleep deprived -- God knows, I still am! -- but having had the opportunity to open up to other moms during class helped me realise that my son wasn't 'broken'. He was just a normal baby with baby needs and baby problems. I felt reassured. I was doing the right thing. I had followed my instincts when I decided to bed-share with him, holding him upright on my chest so that he would be in less pain. Knowing I wasn't the only one struggling restored my confidence in my own judgement and ability.

Now Otto is almost 18 moths old. He is happy and thriving. I'm not ashamed to say that the journey through our first year of parenthood was tough. Many times I thought of giving up. Many sleepless nights drove me to insane thoughts and desperate attempts: I made myself sick by taking too many painkillers, thinking I needed to cope better, trying to deal with my pain. Being a parent is a hard task. There will be days in which you will loose hope and sight. Sleep deprivation and the anxieties of parenting will do that to you. But you have a community, a 'village' of women who have gone through the same hardship and can be there to support you. Open up top them. Listen to their journeys. They are all individual stories but they share the same powerful experience: motherhood.

Realising this has driven me to undertake my training with IAIM to become a CIMI. I'd like to think of my practice as a way to support parents through their first year of parenthood so that they can thrive and grow into the parents they wish to be. Sometimes we forget that when a baby is born a parent is born too. It takes time, love and support to become a parent and the learning curve is not straight forward. There will be ups and downs. I hope that by teaching you how to massage your baby I can share this empowering tradition with you, helping you to go through those hard times and embrace the joy of parenthood.

May your nurturing touch be the beginning of a wonderful journey of love and happiness.

#maternalmentalhealth #pnd #maternalmhmatters #mentalhealthinleeds #babymassage #mentalhealthblogger

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mootmuse · 7 years

Text

I was tagged by @dandelionandbuttercup! Because I’m too cool to follow rules or something I usually don’t do the ‘add more questions/tag this many people’ thing, so consider yourself tagged if you’d like to be!

I don’t actually know if I’m supposed to be answering all the questions or just the previous person’s. I feel so old. How does tumblr work.

questions by ciri-yen-idris:

1. your favourite villain?

I’m trying to think of something unique but I think I’ll just go with- oh wait instead of ursula (although I adore her) I’ll say Carlocimi Dretto in the second book of the Dark Tower series. He isn’t a major villain and the reason I like him is that King’s habit of explaining at length plot-irrelevant details of side character’s lives makes him seem hardly villainous at all. He helps Balazar do terrible things, doubtlessly, but his few pages humanize him so well, and the last couple lines of his perspective are downright beautiful, the last the kind of line which sticks in your head forever. The poetry of that last sentence from his perspective is all the more beautiful because of he way he - unless I misremember, it’s been a while since I read the whole book - died without much fanfare at all in the shootout that happens later. He was a human, he was a person with all these beautiful thoughts that no one would ever know about except him, and because he was on the opposite side of Our Heroes he had to die. And then he’s just gone. The protagonists don’t really notice his death. They didn’t even really know he was alive. But the reader knew. It’s so different from the way Bad Guys (tm) are usually treated in works of fiction, especially works with action in them like the Dark Tower has. Cimi’s small and human part of their long sprawling story has always stuck with me.

2. who is your role model?

I’ve never had enough imagination to have a role model. I can never think of one when I come across these questions.

3. your favourite artwork?

I’m bad at favorites so I wouldn’t call it my fav ever but this one comes to mind.

4. did you accomplish any of your new years resolutions?

Since resolutions have a reputation of just being a thing people mean to do and then never do, I’ve never done them. It feels like a waste of time, I don’t need another reason to be disappointed in myself. XD

5. describe your ideal holiday in 4 words

internet distractions and cats

6. if you had the ability and time to build/make/forge anything you want with your own two hands what would you choose?

a magical fixer of all health problems everywhere across the world. in more realistic goals, a gaming pc

7. are you a procrastinator?

let me get back to you later

8. if you could bring any creature/beast from a movie/book/tv show to life, which would you choose?

only one who could deal with no longer having a plot-mandated purpose. so probably an animal. I refuse to be the cause of some poor fictional person’s existential crisis.

9. which legend/myth do you want to be true?

the commonly referenced belief that housecats are magical beings who can see and sometimes slip into other dimensions

10. is there something you dislike to eat?

mushy carrots

11. favourite time of the day?

night is usually when i’m the most settled and happy, but dawn is beautiful when i’m unfortunate enough to be awake and out when it happens

dandelionandbuttercup’s questions:

1 do you have any pets?

many! too many. lots of cats, mostly outside cats.

2 if yes, do you take many pictures of them?

mostly just the one who hangs out in my room and is more ‘my’ cat

3 have you ever dated a girl?

i have never really dated

4 would you smooch a ghost? choose one of the sequent options.

A) HECK YEAH! B) HECK YEAH! C) HECK YEAH! D) HECK YEAH!

let’s go with c

5 do you regret?

of course

6 mountains?

are gorgeous, but usually only from a distance. from up close they just mean a lot of exercize is coming

7 who is a real nice person?

idk idris elba seems nice. no one’s 100% nice though.

8 do you think is weird to call chips and fries at the same way?

nah slang tends to get all mixed up when different groups interact, i think it’s cool that things like the internet has allowed for that kind of culture mixing. also using non-american slang makes me secretly feel like i can pretend to be cool don’t tell anyone

9 is there someone you don’t miss?

oddly enough neither mom nor i missed my stepfather when we moved after she divorced him. idk why, he wasn’t that bad (aside from being a really bad match for mom)

10 are you thirsty right now?

i am not, but i should be drinking that thing i have with vitamin c and shit in it

11 your opinion on the insult “go fuck yourself”?

it feels great to say, doesn’t it? so satisfying. there’s something very satisfying about it, despite the fact that literally speaking it doesn’t work as an insult. ‘go perform a typically rather pleasurable activity!’ ‘aw do i have to’

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ashwinraghu · 7 years

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Continued: Eight Impressions from Albania

Journeys

I had started in the port town of Saranda, on the south West tip of the country, half an hour by boat from the Greek island of Corfu, one of only a handful of ways to enter Albania. A town of cheap mussels freshly-caught and cheaper backpacker lodges, from which there were two roads out: one snaking up the coast towards Vlore, and the other East, across hills towards Gjirokastra and Permet.

I took the route east, going first to Gjirokastra and its hillside of Ottoman-era landowner houses, the birthplace of the great Albanian historical novelist Ismail Kadare, where I spent a couple of days wandering, and then on to Permet to meet Cimi. The terrain was not insurmountable, but still it held the upper hand and told you how you had to proceed: gently, in daylight, towards the next pass, the next trough between the ranges, the next crossing where the mountains dipped. So that an as-the-crow-flies distance of 10 km would become fifty or seventy on the road, and two and a half hours or more on the unhurried buses.

Bus stations were no more than a clearing in front of a centrally-located shop or cafe, and buses advertised their route by way of the driver screaming out place names. Once the driver had hustled enough people into his seats the journey would begin along the river valley, the passengers mostly quiet but not the bus itself, which played music or videos of alternately lilting and gyrating Albanian folk music.

Flat ground is precious in this mountainous country, and our bus would soon leave the coastal plain or the valley and begin crawling up the mountainsides. Then around one of those hair-pin bends it would screech to a sudden halt at a turning. Turn around and peer out and you would find that this was where one or more mule-tracks met the road. Here one or two patiently waiting men would swing into action, unloading a crate of spinach or cherries or a sack of grain off the back of a mule or donkey, loading it up into the back of the bus or hoisting it onto the last row of seats, with instructions to the driver to unload it at a waiting mule at the next town along.

An unfamiliar sight in modern Europe maybe but familiar to me, reminiscent of the once-a-day buses that wind their way through the mountain villages and tea estates of the Western Ghats near where I grew up.

I reached Permet the afternoon before our 5-day hike was due to start. It was, looking one way, like every riverine mountain town from where treks begin: where one arrives the afternoon before, looks anxiously for shops to purchase last-minute supplies, breathes a sigh of relief to find them, looks for a more-elaborate-than-usual sitdown meal at a riverside eating house, and spends the rest of the evening in a quiet thinking of what is to come.

For five days Cimi and I walked together in the mountains and valleys around his hometown. Along the Zagoria valley, unconnected by road, on that first day to Limar, then across the mountains and down towards Permet in the valley of the Vjosa river on the second. Into a designated National Park of Macedonian-native fir trees called the Bredhi i Hotove on the third, he deftly ensuring (in spite of our liimited shared vocabulary) that we kept up a loud-enough conversation to keep the bears away. On the fourth morning along the Vjosa again on the other side of Permet, crossing an Italian-era bridge to the village of Petran, stopping at some thermal springs for a dip before a steep climb to the beautiful mountain village of Benje to spend the night. Then on the fifth day taking shepherd's-only trails across the low mountains back to where we started, Cimi expertly cowing down with the ferocious sheep-dogs that we encountered on the way.

Growing Pains

Over the next week as I made my way from village to small town to regional city to metropolis other things betrayed their familiarity too.

I had left the south for Berat, in the centre of the country. It had the feel of a regional capital and also of a past glory, with its snazzily-dressed old men out for their Xhiro - stroll - in the evenings once the sun had lessened in intensity.

By the river rose this neo-Classical building, standing taller than all others, at a scale and opulence out of place in the Albania I had seen so far:

It was home to the University of Berat. Finally! I thought, for one of the things that had begun to pique my curiosity was that I had not seen any evidence of an institutional or professional middle class of people yet. Now in Berat I would find an intellectual atmosphere that grows up around a University city: professors, artists, researchers, library cafes, students who would form the next generation of this group of people: maybe even young people in one of these cafes who could speak enough English to have an involved conversation with.

Only to be told that the University had been shut last year. Why? The reason was incomprehensible to the Danish girl sat next to me listening to the story but perfectly understandable to an Indian: a huge "pay to pass" scam had been unearthed in almost all the private universities that had mushroomed in the regional centres of Albania since the fall of Communism and the sudden rise of private enterprise. It was an open secret, but the scam had finally become too big to ignore, and a couple of years ago all these universities had been shut down. And now Berat, and small Albanian cities like it was back - at least for young people with higher ambitions - to how it used to be, and at 18 they had no option but to compete for limited places in the capital's public universities, or stay at home. Growing pains, and as I watched the young folk whiling away their time in Berat's riverside cafes I saw them differently after this.

"The News"

The long bus ride to Berat inland from the coast reminded me also of other Balkan journeys, in Croatia over the winter in a modern two-carriage train winding up from the beautiful coastal city of Split to the capital, Zagreb: six hours through a white, frozen country: fields, trees, shrubs, lakes and rivers all iced over with stalactites dangling. After skirting the beautiful Plitvice Lakes National Park we arrived in human habitation after what seemed like hours: this was the small hillside town of Knin. Amazingly my phone instantly picked up a 3G connection, so I decided to look Knin up.

“Before the Croatian War of Independence 87% of the population of the municipality and 79% of the city were Serbs. During the war, most of the non-Serb population was ethnically cleansed from Knin, while in the last days of the war the Serbs were killed or ethnically cleansed from Knin by Croatian forces”.

I closed the page shut, the train still on the platform. Gory stuff indeed, but that wasn't the only reason why I wanted to stop reading. There was something unfair about the whole business: that this town of Knin with its wrinkled old man bidding goodbye to his wife on the platform just now and its row of peculiar houses up the hill, being still associated so singularly on Wikipedia with this act of inhumanity of twenty-three years ago.

And in the smartphone age, of course, there are newer and ever more pointed ways of accessing the sort of thing that becomes news. And who wrote that article on Wikipedia? It is very difficult to imagine that it was a Knin local (of whatever stripe, Croat, Serb, or Bosniak). Who wants their own town to be committed to writing for the world to see in this way? How would a Knin local have described his town instead? That it has a beautiful Orthodox church at the top, that they once heroically resisted the Ottomans (a fairly unifying, common theme right across the Balkans I've learned), that there are two folk songs which have lines that mention the beautiful young unmarried girls of Knin? I wouldn't know, I am only guessing here, but perhaps something like this, with an addendum, in a low voice if such a thing can be represented in the cold words of a Wikipedia article, of the ethnic strife that once visited this town twenty years ago, and has now left.

It must have been for reasons such as this that I avoided reading or watching anything about Kosovo (an ethnic-Albanian majority state to Albania's north-west) during my time in Albania, even though I remembered it being briefly in the news earlier this year. The only time I heard Kosovo mentioned on this trip was a girl in a bar in Tirana, who said, "They're Albanian too, but because their communism was not as strict they're more exposed to other cultures than us. There is some great music there, You should go to Pristina and Prizren next!". I enjoyed hearing this positive impression of that country then, and when I do visit, I would much rather keep her suggested way of looking at Kosovo at the top of my mind, rather than images of past wars and present conflicts.

All Together

As we passed this riverside graveyard outside Permet I asked Cimi, "Is this a Christian cemetery or a Muslim cemetery?"

"Both", he said. "All together. We have no problem".

All through my trip there had been hints of this easy secularism and coexistence in this nominally Muslim-majority country. In the South where I spent most of my time a significant minority were Bektashis, a Sufi sect with its origins in Turkey.

Below a Bektashi shrine and mausoleum on the grounds of Gjirokastra castle. The South was dotted with these little shrines, as well as traditional Sunni masjids and orthodox churches. None of them, even in the bigger towns and even the Sunni ones during namaz, had anyone inside.

There is historical probable-cause for this: Albania's communist doctrine had banned religion, destroying mosques and churches ("One of the few good things that the Communists did", Cimi quipped), and encouraged a pan-Albanian identity. But even that does not fully explain this religious intermingling. In earlier centuries, with Ottoman conversions, when entire villages converted and re-converted to one or other Islamic or Christian sect often for purposes of protection and tax relief as much as religious calling, people were said to remember and trace back their historical clan-lineage more than their religious leanings. This too over the centuries kept religious difference at bay.

And now? Many people I spoke to, Shamsi the waiter, Cimi himself, self-identified as religiously liberal or atheist: usually spoken of just before downing a strong glass of Raki, or in describing their family: Cimi's wife is Orthodox, and his siblings' spouses fall on every side of the coin: Sunni, Bektashi, Orthodox Christian, Catholic.

They were familiar with global currents on this too, of Islamic fundamentalism around the world, and made the point of how they were flummoxed by it. And again, our limited shared vocabulary prevented a detailed discussion, but what they seemed to say was this: This is how we've always been. It is possible to be this way. In the rest of the world strange things are happening with religion. We find that odd.

Modernity

Time and again, people spoke of how they felt their country was 'backward', that 'things have to change', that there wasn't enough opportunity for them and they were forced to emigrate. It is difficult to argue that last point (remember the shut Universities up and down the country), but there is certainly modernity in Albania, modernity in its most profound sense. Take the story of Hoxha and his Bunkers:

Enver Hoxha took over as leader of Albania's one-party Communist state in 1944 and, over the next forty years, cemented his position as Supreme Leader. His brand of Totalitarian rule was too much not just for China (who broke with him in the early seventies), but even for the mother country the Soviet Union, who Hoxha condemned as deviated from the fundamentalist line. Over time he built all over Albania a series of these "spying posts", both above and below the ground, on streetcorners, hillsides, and nooks everywhere. Many of these still exist:

During the second half of his reign he built two series of underground bunkers in the capital city Tirana, one right underneath the Ministry of Defence and Parliament, and the other, more elaborate construction, complete with an underground Parliament Hall, a few miles away. They were built to withstand chemical and nuclear attack. I spent a few hours each in both, and they are masterpieces of claustrophobia, paranoia and stale air.

What is more incredible, though, is what has been made of these spaces in the years after the fall. Here is the entrance to this space, dynamited into the hillside:

What followed was a reconstruction and preservation of the highest order, encapsulating and committing to permanence and memory the worst excesses of the regime, and for the visitor without any loss of the eeriness.

Enver Hoxha's underground quarters:

The preferred holding cell for dissidents and political prisoners:

The photographs are of those who lost their lives as part of the regime's political purges. A voice called out the names of the deceased.

Political prisons and concentration camps were set up all around the country:

Dogs were trained to hunt, maim, and kill, to guard the borders:

It is difficult to capture in photos how eerie the experience was. Often it seemed inappropriate even to click pictures.

I had read about the Bunkers even while in Permet, and asked Cimi if he had ever seen it.

"No, but I have heard about it. I cannot go. It is too painful for me".

Cimi wouldn't, but many Albanians were there on the days I visited. This museum-visit was no daytime stroll, neither was it entirely academic. The young, but especially the older, had a quiet intensity as they slowly made their way through the dank corridors. Some were close to tears.

I wanted to scream out when I emerged from the bunkers into the sunlight: This is modernity! This is progressiveness! A memorial to past mistakes and madnesses that many countries and people around the world - including our own - struggle to acknowledge even happened, let alone bring out with such forthrightness and honesty for themselves and the rest of the world to see. What a towering achievement Albania's Bunkart is!

Cimi

This is Sotir, Cimi's father-in-law.

A retired schoolteacher, he lives in the beautiful mountain village of Benje. We had trekked 17 km that day to reach it. We spent the night there. All evening he kept pouring the Raki, and kept bringing out the plates of cheese and salad to go with it, and kept the folk music playing loud on his battered old tape recorder, and danced.

And below, Cimi:

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joeyvintage · 4 years

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Development of Primary Being

Cyclic Family of the EAST: Place of Light and Generation. Colour: RED

1. IMIX (Pronounced: ‘EE – MEESH’)

Source of Life, Dragon, Primal Water, Blood, Nurturance, Breast, Mother Energy, Power of Birthing, Primal Trust, Primal Nourishment.

Direction: EAST:

The Light Quickens into forms.

2. IK (Pronounced: ‘EEK’)

Spirit, Breath, Wind, Cosmic Energy, Inspiration, Vital Principle, Presence, Truth, Respiratory System, Simplicity, Unseen Forces.

Direction: NORTH:

The Wind Purifies the Forms.

3. AKBAL (Pronounced: ‘ARK – BAHL’)

House, Enclosed Darkness, Night, Body, Place of Mystery, Serenity, Stillness, Heart and Internal Organs, Dreamtime, “Looks-within Place”.

Direction: WEST:

The Forms Find Enclosure.

4. KAN (Pronounced: ‘KAHN’)

Seed, Idea, Ordering Power of Growth, Generative Principle, Creation, Opening, Sex and Reproduction, Fertile Ground, Gestation.

Direction: SOUTH:

The Form Generates its Own Seed.

Cyclic Family of the NORTH: Place of Wisdom and Purification. Colour: WHITE

5. CHICCHAN (Pronounced: ‘CHEEK – CHAHN’)

Serpent, Nervous System, Reptilian Brain, Vitality, Passion, Desire, Motivation, Integration and Attainment of Autonomic Functions, Instinct, Creativity, Intimacy, Purification.

Direction: EAST: First (East) Lens

The Form Takes on Specific Being.

6. CIMI (Pronounced: ‘KEE – MEE’)

Death, World-Bridger, Revelation, Surrender, Release, Forgiveness, Realisation of Mortality of the Physical Body, Transmutation, Humility.

Direction: NORTH:

Specific Being Knows and Transcends Death.

7. MANIK (Pronounced: ‘MAHN – EEK’)

Hand, Grasping, Closure, Knowledge of the Power of Completion, Gateway, Realisation of the Finiteness of the Physical Body, Beauty, Identification, Dance, Divination, Spiritual Tools, Acting “As If”.

Direction: WEST:

Through Skill, All Things Are Transformed.

Development of Higher Being (Generative)

8. LAMAT (Pronounced: ‘LAH – MAT’)

Star, Harmony, The Octave, Love, Star Seed, Clear Perspective, Intuitive Realisation of the Pattern of Higher Life, Way-show-er.

Direction: SOUTH:

Harmony is Born, Uniting All Things at Once.

Cyclic Family of the WEST: Place of Death and Transformation. Colour: BLACK

9. MULUC (Pronounced: ‘MOO – LOOK’)

Raindrop, Moon, Signals, Awareness, Divine Guidance, Beacon, Signs, Cosmic Seed in the Gate of Awakened Consciousness, Understanding, Principle of Communication and Expansion of Higher Life.

Direction: EAST:

Through the Cosmic Gate, the Creative Seed is Sown.

10. OC (Pronounced: ‘AOK’ or ‘OAK’) 2nd (North) Lens

Dog, Mammilian Brain, Emotional Life, Guide and Principle of Loyalty, Relationships, Guardians and Guides, Breakthrough, New Beginnings, Faithfulness that Gives Strength in the Spiritual Journey.

Direction: NORTH:

Through Loyalty and Faithfulness, the Creative Seed is Guided.

11. CHUEN (Pronounced: ‘CHOO – WEN’)

Monkey, Artist, Trickster, Innocence, Spontaneity, Inner Child, Principle of Intelligent Co-Creation of the Higher Life, Humour, Disruption, Transparency, Empowerment.

Direction: WEST:

Through Artistry, the Creative Seed is Empowered.

12. EB (Pronounced: ‘EB’)

Human, Abundance, Harvest, Open Vessel, Quickening, Chalice, Human as Vessel for Penetration of Higher Mind, Emptiness.

Direction: SOUTH:

The Creative Empowerment Penetrates, Making Fully Human.

Cyclic Family of the SOUTH: Place of Life and Expansion. Colour: YELLOW

13. BEN (Pronounced: ‘BEN’)

Sky-Walker, Pillars of Heaven and Earth, Courage, New Directions, Aspiration for Uniting Heaven and Earth, Time and Space Traveller, Reed, Principle of Growth of Higher Mind, Angelic Messenger.

Direction: EAST:

Descent of the Sky-Walkers.

14. IX (Pronounced: ‘EESH’)

Wizard, Sorcerer, Shaman, Magician, The Jaguar, Feline Energy, Highest Level of Individual Conscious Development, Integrity, Attainment of Magical Powers, The Night Seer, Heart Knowing.

Direction: NORTH:

Star-Born Wisdom of the Magicians.

Development of Higher Being (Fulfilment)

15. MEN (Pronounced: ‘MEN’) THIRD (West) LENS

Eagle, Higher Collective Mind, Hope, Commitment, Belief in Oneself, Planetary Mind and Consciousness, Dreams and Visions, Compassionate service.

Direction: WEST:

Attainment of the Planetary Mind.

16. CIB (Pronounced: ‘KEEB’)

Cosmic Force, Warrior, Grace, Divine Communication, Reception, Trust, Ability to Contact and Commune with Galactic Consciousness, Golden Pillar, Mystic Transmission, Ferryman’s Staff.

Direction: SOUTH:

Reunion with and Embodiment as the Cosmic Force.

Cyclic Family of the CENTRE: Place of Renewal of the Light. Colour: My intuitive guess is ALL COLOURS

17. CABAN (Pronounced: ‘KAH – BAN’)

Earth, Earth Force, Synchronicity, Centredness, Crystal Healing, Shield, Synergy, Power of Intelligent Synchronisation, Fluid World Resonance.

Direction: EAST:

Alignment of Planetary Force.

18. ETZNAB (Pronounced: ‘ETS – NAB’)

Mirror, Hall of Mirrors, Clarity, Ritual Pattern of “No-Time”, Ritual Knife, Ritual Stroke, Sword of Wisdom and True Purification, Timelessness, Facing the Shadow, Spiritual Warriorship, Integration of Paradox.

Direction: NORTH:

Ritual Entrance into Timelessness.

19. CAUAC (pronounced: ‘KAR – WAK’)

Storm, Thunder Cloud and Thunder Being, Purification, Light Body, Transformation that Precedes Full Realisation, Ecstasy of Freedom, Initiation by Fire, Lightening Path, Activation for Ascension, Reunion.

Direction: WEST:

Transformation of Transformation.

20. AHAU (Pronounced: ‘AR – HOW’) (South) LENS

Solar Mind, Sun, Solar Lord, Mastery, Realisation of Solar Body, Wisdom, Knowledge, Ability to Focus Galactic Whole, Wholeness, Union, Ability to Encompass and Generate the Entire Cycle, Crown, Ascension, Language of Light Ecstasy, Limitless BLISS and LOVE.

Direction: SOUTH:

Attainment to the Mind of Light.

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khedmedarcue-blog · 5 years

Text

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