#cause that goes all the way back to 2013/2014

[spiritofjustice]

sometimes i wonder what happened to the mutuals that either deactivated or stopped posting.

i remember i had a friend on here from the Pokemon RPC named Azure that deactivated like 4/5 years ago and i know they had a twitter but no clue what it was bcs i didn’t use twitter.  always wonder what became of them.

actually i wonder about a lot of my old Pokemon RPC friends. Azure, Haley, Azu, so on.  it’s been a long time since i’ve seen any of them, lol.

#Psy's no punctuation posts #i think Azu might've wound up going by Zero but that was way after we lost track of each other #that shits crazy we used to be SUCH good friends. Azu was the first person i became really good friends with on Tumblr #cause that goes all the way back to 2013/2014 #anyways it's wack

[totowlff]

chapter five — trust

➝ ross brawn’s tumultuous departure from mercedes was nothing compared to what elisabeth and toto’s relationship had become. elisabeth goes to brackley to manage the fallout, but things only get more complicated.  

➝ word count: 2,4k

➝ warnings: none

➝ author’s note: enjoy!

NOVEMBER, 2013

Elisabeth slammed the black car door with a force completely disproportionate to what it took to close it, but proportionate to the anger she felt. The sound caused by the impact caught the attention of two employees, who were standing in front of the curvilinear building, talking, their eyes widening as she approached.

— Good morning, Elisabeth — one of them greeted her. He had a smile on his face.

— Good morning — she replied, dryly, not even looking at him. Her steps were heavy as she entered the lobby of the Mercedes AMG F1 headquarters in Brackley, focused on a singular mission.

Confront Toto Wolff.

She’d received an email from Bradley Lord, the team’s communications director, the night before. The message contained a link to an article — an exclusive Motorsport Magazine interview with Ross Brawn, who had just said goodbye to the team after a turbulent season. His departure was apparently all very hush-hush.

Her personal relationship with Brawn was cordial, but it was impossible not to notice something strange in the air when he was with her father and Toto. The harmony that had existed between the three of them at that first dinner in Vienna had completely disappeared. The way she saw it, the reason for such animosity was the simple fact that there were too many people wanting to run the same team. His interview confirmed her suspicions. 

However, Elisabeth hadn’t expected his revelations to be so harsh.

— What happened at Mercedes was that people I couldn’t trust were forced on me —  she muttered, reading the article's lede, dropping the cup of chamomile tea she was sipping on her desk in disbelief.

The rest of the interview made her stomach churn, with Brawn claiming to be disappointed in her father and Toto’s approach to the business. However, what made her drive nearly two hours from her Soho apartment to Brackley was Ross’ statement regarding the hiring of Paddy Lowe as the executive director earlier that year. According to Ross, Toto laid all of the blame on Niki for the decision.

— Liar — she growled, clenching her fists. 

She was at the dinner where the matter was discussed — it had been Toto’s idea to ask Lowe to work for Mercedes, starting in 2014. Her father was against the idea, saying it would be better to talk to Ross about it before signing anything with Paddy.

“How could he have been so underhanded?”, she thought, clenching her teeth.

With the clack of her heeled black shoes echoing on the gray floor, Elisabeth entered the building in silence, frowning. Her right hand was gripping the strap of her black bag that was slung over her shoulder. The oddly empty trophy case and the W03 displayed in the foyer were just blurs in her peripheral vision as she made her way to the elevator.

— Good morning, Miss Lauda — she stopped when she heard Alina, the receptionist, greet her warmly. As Elisabeth turned to face her, she concluded that her expression must have been frightening, as it made the smile on her face abruptly disappear.

— Is Wolff here today? — her voice came out cold as ice.

— Yes, Miss Lauda — she said, timidly.

— Great — she muttered, continuing towards the elevator in silence, the click of her heels following her.

The metal doors opened and Elisabeth stepped inside, pressing the button for the third floor. As the silver doors slid close, she turned to the mirror in the back of the elevator car, examining her reflection. Dressed in a black coat and with a red scarf wrapped around her neck, she looked elegant, however, her irritation was clear in her posture and in her expression. 

As she exited the elevator, she looked both ways down the corridor before heading in the direction of Toto’s office. Elisabeth walked like a woman on a mission. She approached the glass-walled room and realized it was empty. The lights were off. However, the suit jacket hanging on the back of the chair was an indication that he was here, somewhere.

But… Where?

Elisabeth turned to the right and noticed that several pairs of eyes were looking at her with curiosity, peering over several rows of computer screens. They were probably wondering what Niki Lauda’s daughter was doing there in Brackley on a freezing Thursday, and why she looked so furious.

— Where is he? — she asked, jerking her thumb towards the office behind her. Her voice was completely absent of any warmth. It caused the employees to glance at each other, nervously. 

— He’s in a meeting — a young man said, almost bracing himself for her reaction.

— Where? — Elisabeth said, looking directly at him, her tone firm. She wouldn’t be leaving that building today without speaking to Toto, face-to-face. 

— End of the hall, last door on the left — a red-haired woman, sitting next to him, replied, her voice a little shaky.

The shadow of a smile passed over her lips.

“Time to talk, Toto”, she thought.

— Thanks — she said, abruptly. Elisabeth turned back to the hallway and walked towards the room the staff had pointed out. As she approached the door, she could hear voices from inside. One voice stood out — one with a distinct accent that she knew very well.

— Last on the left. Here it is — she muttered to herself. She reached out to grab the doorknob and took a deep breath. Elisabeth needed to gather her courage for this.

“Moment of truth”, she thought as she turned the knob, flinging the door open. Inside the room, there were at least seven people seated around a rectangular table, watching a presentation by a representative from Puma of next year’s team kit.

— Toto, we need to talk — she shouted. In one movement, all of the eyes in the room went from her to Toto, seated at the head of the table. He was sitting with his mouth slightly open, as if he couldn’t believe what she was doing.

— Elisabeth, I don’t know if you noticed, but you just…

— Interrupted your very important meeting about — she added, looking at the screen, which displayed some sketches — Commemorative caps? Yes, I’d noticed, and I don’t give a fuck.

Toto took a deep breath, his nostrils flaring. He was irritated.

— Could you wait in my office until I’m done?

— Negative — she snapped.

— Please? — he practically purred.

— My business with you is way more important than this… Shit — she spat, gesturing at the screen with her head. The Puma representative glared at her, clearly outraged by her words.

— Liesl���

Toto using his silly nickname for her had her clenching her jaw, anger building inside her. Elisabeth couldn't understand how he could treat this situation like a joke, especially when it involved something as serious as her father's relationship with investors. Trying to control herself, she crossed her arms over her chest, impassive. With his eyes glued to her, Toto shifted in his chair and ran a hand through his brown hair, visibly uncomfortable.

She had definitely put him in an incredibly awkward position.

— I think a five-minute break wouldn’t do any harm — a woman said in a placating tone, rising from her seat — Right, Toto?

— Yes, absolutely — Toto replied absently, his eyes locked with Elisabeth’s.

— Shall I show you to our coffee counter, gentlemen? — the woman said, gesturing toward the door. Elisabeth was still standing at the threshold with her arms crossed, staring Toto down.

Slowly, the meeting’s attendees rose from their chairs and passed through the doorway, walking by her without a word. “Stupid asshole”, she thought as the Puma representative walked past her, staring at Elisabeth with a reproachful look, which was answered by her raised eyebrow.

When the final attendee left, she entered the room and turned back towards the door, closing it and clicking the lock shut. She didn’t want any interruptions, or for Toto to try to make a run for it. Then, Elisabeth turned to face him, dropping her black bag on the table as she walked in his direction. Toto followed her with his eyes, shifting in his chair, running a hand through his hair again.

— I’m all ears.

— You’d better be, because I have a lot to say — she said, resting her palms on the table, leaning over the surface. She was trying to stare him down, but Toto’s height meant that their eyes were level.

Toto sighed.

— Go ahead.

— What’s this I hear about you blaming my dad for hiring Paddy Lowe when Brawn came to talk to you?

— Ah, I see you read the interview — his expression changed as he connected the dots.

— Of course I read it, Bradley sent it to me last night!

He continued to gaze at her with an appraising stare.

— Come on, speak! — she exclaimed. 

— Speak what?

— What the fuck was that idea of blaming my father? — she said, slapping the table.

— Well, Niki agreed with me…

— But he didn’t come up with the idea!

— I know, Elisabeth.

— So why did you say that to Brawn? — she was practically yelling now, standing from where she was leaning at the table. As she moved, Toto rose from his chair as well.

— Because I needed to buy time!

— And do you have any idea what you’ve done?

— What did I do, Elisabeth? — he asked in a mocking tone, which added to her irritation with him — Tell me what I did!

She rounded the table to approach him, her pulse roaring in her ears.

— You just sold out my dad as the main culprit for Brawn’s departure and you know how much investors liked him! What about my father’s image, Toto? 

— You talk like Ross didn’t say I couldn’t be trusted, either! — he snapped, taking a step forward. He walked toward her, drawing himself up to his full height. He was so tall that Elisabeth had to tilt her head back to maintain eye contact with him. However, if Toto thought that would intimidate her, he was very wrong.

Actually, she found that she was… Turned on.

— How will he deal with the questions when he's not to blame?

— You're far too worried about this considering you have nothing to do with it — he spat.

— My father has a reputation to uphold, Toto!

— If he cared about his reputation, he would be here talking to me like a normal person instead of…

— Instead of what? — she screamed, getting as close to his face as she possibly could.

He stared down his nose at her, hesitant.

— If you have any balls, you’ll finish that sentence — she growled, close enough to him that they were practically touching, close enough that Elisabeth could feel the heat radiating off of his body. 

— If he cared — Toto said, putting emphasis on each word. — He’d be here talking to me instead of sending his pretty little girl to yell at me.

She blinked. She couldn’t believe what she’d just heard.

— What did you just say?

— Fuck, Liesl — he growled, before putting his hands on her face and pulling her toward him. He brought his lips to hers with a delicacy that was a sharp contrast to the harsh words they’d just exchanged. The gentleness of his kiss dissolved all the anger and contempt Elisabeth was feeling, leaving only the desire that was dammed up inside her since New Year’s Eve, in his office. His tongue asked for passage and, almost immediately, Elisabeth gave in, leaning her head against his left palm. Soon, her hands found his torso, pulling his body flush with hers as she felt her own body laying back against the hard surface of the conference table.

What had started as a curious exploration, as if they were both getting to know each other, became an intense exchange between the two of them, each of them holding onto each other as if they were the air each of them needed to breathe. 

She’d never wanted to feel a person’s touch like she wanted to feel Toto’s.

She’s never wanted to taste someone as badly as she wanted to taste Toto.

And Elisabeth wanted more. 

But then, then, in a fit of awareness, she realized what she was doing.

She was kissing Toto. He was on top of her.

Toto was the closest thing her father had to a friend. 

“This is wrong”, her mind screamed.

Moaning against his mouth, Elisabeth managed to push him away, panting. 

— No, no, no, no —  she muttered, completely disoriented — We can’t do this, I can’t, no…

— Elisabeth — Toto spoke quietly. She completely ignored him, rising from the table Toto had placed her on without her even noticing, adrenaline and regret coursing through her veins. In her mind, millions of thoughts were going on at the same time, faster than a Formula 1 car.

“I need to get out of here”, Elisabeth told herself mentally.

She picked up her bag from the table and dashed towards the door. Then, she turned the knob, unable to get the door open.

— What the fuck — she snarled, tucking a strand of her light-brown hair behind her ear.

— Have you tried unlocking it? — Toto asked, trying to hold back his laughter.

“Damn it”, she thought. Her hands trembled as she released the lock, freeing her from the conference room. Then, she strode quickly down the hallway towards the elevator. Around her, the faces were just a blur, the words seemed far away. Everything was drowned out by the roar of her pulse in her ears.

— Are you okay, Elisabeth? — someone asked.

— Miss Lauda, we heard screaming — said another.

— Liesl, wait — a voice yelled.

However, she ignored them all. She smashed the button to take her down to the ground floor and breathed a sigh of relief when the elevator door opened immediately, allowing her to step inside. Then, Elisabeth heard the elevator doors close behind her and allowed herself to look up, staring at her own reflection in the mirror. Her hair was messy, her lips red and slightly swollen, the red scarf around her neck was lopsided.

“What did I just do?”, she asked herself, hearing the pleasant, disembodied voice of the elevator announce that she was on the ground floor. Adjusting the posture and taking a deep breath, Elisabeth slung her bag over her shoulder, and walked back through the lobby, leaving the building.

— Miss Lauda — she heard Alina call behind her. Stopping halfway, she turned her face over her shoulder.

— Yes?

— Did you find Mr. Wolff? — she asked.

She hesitated for a few seconds.

— Yes, I did.

#toto wolff #f1 fic #f1 fanfic #formula 1 fic #formula 1 fanfic #wlffog #natsversion #f1 x oc #formula 1 x oc #toto wolff x oc #scwlff

[legion1227]

Ranking All 111 Albums Listened to in 2023!

111. Yeat- AftërLyfe. 0.5/5

Yeat's third studio Trap album was an utter slog to get through. I hate how it sounds, many of the tracks blend together, and it's way too long. Yeat's appeal as an artist is mindboggling to me.

110. Lewis Capaldi- Broken By Desire To Be Heavenly Sent. 1/5.

Capaldi's second album harbors nothing of note and fails to engage me vocally, lyrically, or instrumentally.

109. Mia Carucci- Deities of Stone. 1/5

I appreciate it's brevity, but Mia's voice is grating to my ears and the production fails to evoke strong emotions from me.

108. Slowthai- Ugly. 1.5/5.

British rapper Slowthai's third studio album has one song, "Never Again" that is perhaps the best song on the album, but the rest of the competition is unimpressive with subpar instrumentals and lyrics.

107. Post Malone- Austin. 1.5/5.

Post Malone's 5th studio cements the notion that I am not a fan of his voice or music. His voice wavers and teeters onto annoying at times and with filler/bad bars, "I'm calling her Shrek cause she got a donkey" This is not an album I rock with.

106. Conor Maynard- +11 Hours. 2/5.

Back in 2013, Conor Maynard dropped the song "R U Crazy" which I liked then but does not hold up for me today. The songs on this album are slightly better than "R U Crazy" but are not lyrically interesting.

105. Crystal Fighters- Light+. 2/5.

The electronic indie band Crystal Fighters dropped their latest album in November and delivered an, in my opinion, underwhelming experience. With mediocre beats and forgettable lyrics, I feel there was potential for something better that they just didn't reach here.

104. American Authors- Best Night of My Life. 2/5

Best known for their 2014 hit "Best Day of My Life" the album to sequel from their hit song is too sweet and poppy. It has a positive vibe which I respect, and appreciate its brevity, but each song meshes together to create a generic, disappointing experience.

103. Youngboy Never Broke Again- Decided 2. 2/5

Decided 2 starts off terribly but gets a little better as the project goes on. Its production and lyrics are both okay towards the middle and end portions. Youngboy could've definitely stood to trim some tracks from the album.

102. Jason Mraz- Mystical Magical Rhythmical Radical Ride. 2/5.

Instrumentally, every song on the album sounds and feels different which gives it a somewhat unique listen. On that level, they surpass his 2008 hit "I'm Yours." Unfortunately, he lacks compelling vocals or lyrics. An instrumental version of this album might be better.

101. Escape The Fate- Out of The Shadows. 2/5.

The lyrics of this rock band are forgettable or incredibly cringe. "irreversible" is possibly the worst song on the album. Instrumentals carry the project slightly higher than the others.

100. Front Bottoms- You Are Who You Hang Out With.

The reverse of Front Bottoms appears as the lyrics are fine, but the instrumentals are uninspired. Lead singer Brian Sella's voice is something I can't stand with his nasally vocals.

99. Bebe Rexha- Seasons. 2/5.

Bebe's album has a decent pace and I really do like her voice, but she provides nothing engaging from a lyrical or instrumental perspective, unfortunately. "Born Again" is the only song of the 12 tracks I feel is worth a listen.

98. Scouting For Girls- The Place We Used To Meet. 2/5.

The Pop band's 7th studio album is a trying endeavor that's a bit too corny or sweet for my liking. Which might be surprising since I genuinely like their 2007 hit, "She's So Lovely" which is sweetness incarnate as a love song. The messages in some of the songs in the album are clearly made for his kids or his significant other, but it's not for me so it's ranked low.

97. Depeche Mode- Momento Mori. 2/5.

The English electronic music band's latest album was simply not for me. Lead singer Dave Gahan's low croons in his songs do nothing for me, and the instrumentals are not too fascinating. "Ghosts Again" and "People Are Good " were two of my favorite songs from the album, but nothing else really resonated with me,

96. Chief Keef- Finally Rich (Complete Edition). 2/5.

The Complete Edition of Chief Keef's Finally Rich adds seven previously unreleased songs to celebrate the anniversary of the album's release from over ten years ago. Besides the classic track "I don't like" there are no other songs that I really enjoy. There are still sparks of fun in his rap songs and the instrumentals are bombastic and go hard, so there's some credit to give.

95. Kelly Clarkson- Chemistry. 2/5

There are moments on Kelly's newest album where goodness bleeds through. "My Mistake" is her best song, but it's still a chore to go through it. The album could benefit from better production and lyrics, but at least Kelly still has some super vocals.

94. Sam Smith- Gloria. 2/5.

Chocked with features, yet none are particulalry gripping, especially Jessie Reyez on "Gimmie." It started decent with its opening track "Love Me More" but sadly wavered from there with forgettable tracks to follow.

93. John Mayer- Sob Rock. 2.5/5

Released in 2021 and resulting from the COVID-19 pandemic,John Mayer's Sob Rock carries solely on vibes. The title track is the best one, but goes down from there as the rest meander from vocals or lyrics.

92. Ten Tonnes- Dancing, Alone. 2.5/5.

Indie Rock artist Ethan James Barnett, or Ten Tonnes has decent production in his sophomore album, with hints of special moments sprinkled across the songs. It's a fine project, but nothing comes close to the acoustic version of one of his older songs, "Born To Lose."

91. Niall Horan- The Show. 2.5/5.

Another fine project from one of the former members of One Direction. There are some instances where the songwriting and vocals are strong, like in "Science" or "You Could Start a Cult," but other songs do not have the privilege to be as remarkable, unfortunately.

90. Gucci Mane- Breath of Fresh Air. 2.5/5.

Gucci Mane's newest album was too long with underwhelming features. Luckily for Gucci Mane, he outshines his colleagues and impresses at points. If the production were done by someone else, he could make something even better, I feel.

89. Robin Schulz- Pink. 2.5/5.

EDM artist Robin Schulz's best song on Pink is "No Drama" which reminds me a little of an Avicii song. Every other song is mostly serviceable, but doesn't stick out too much.

88. Rae Sremmurd- Sremm 4 Life. 2.5/5

Hip Hop duo Swae Lee and Slim Jimini do well on a few fine songs like "Royal Flush" and "Flaunt It/Cheap." Other songs don't live up to the quality, but Lee and Jimini are pretty competent in this run.

87. Taylor Swift- 1989 (Taylor's Version) 2.5/5

Taylor Swift's rereleased album 1989, which dropped back in 2014, is the weaker of Taylor's rereleases that I listened to this year. Her 'From the Vault' songs surpass the original tracklist, but they only carry so far. The big hits, "Blank Space," "Bad Blood," and "Shake it Off" have never worked for me, while the majority of the rest fall short lyrically. But still, from the vault tracks like "Suburban Legends" are really good.

86. Drake- For All the Dogs. 2.5/5

Drake's latest album is too long and at times monotonous. One of the best songs, "First Person Shooter" is brought down by Drake after an excellent J Cole verse and a beat switch that brings down the vibe of the song. There are some solid lines sprinkled throughout by Drake, but it's still overwhelmingly mediocre. Although, 8am in Charlotte is another bop admittedly.

85. Maneskin- RUSH! 2.5/5

The band starts strong with its first three tracks and then loses steam so fast. Sonically, every track varies from sounding really well to completely ear-piercing. Instrumentally sound throughout, but the fall-off is such a shame. The first 3 songs are good enough to carry it as high as it is.

84. EST Gee- MAD. 2.5/5

EST Gee is lyrically coherent throughout with a decent flow, but the production fails Gee too often. 25 Min Freestyle is the weakest song of the bunch as it lacks energy, but every other song is mostly okay. "Undefeated" and "Kadas Song" work on lyrical, instrumental, and vocal levels.

83. Idina Menzel- Drama Queen. 3/5.

The voice actress of Elsa from Frozen is unsurprisingly a great singer. "Madison Hotel" is the best song the Disney princess VA has to offer on the album. Besides that, the rest of the songs fail to meet her on the same level. If the production or lyrics were as good as her voice, Drama Queen would rank even higher.

82. Michael Bolton- Spark of Light. 3/5

The musical veteran behind classics like "How am I supposed to live without you" released a decent album that sounds better when he doesn't dip into guttural vocals. "Running out of ways" is my favorite song from the album, but the other songs could stand to be better.

81. Rick Astley- Are We There Yet?- 3/5

The legend of the Rick Roll has nothing here on the same level of his original classic, but there are plenty of fine songs in this decently paced 12-track album. Maria Love is the most intriguing song from a concept level and production-wise. While every other song is okay, I recommend seeking out Maria Love if you had to listen to one song from here.

80. Portugal, The Man- Chris Black Changed My Life. 3/5

Dedicated to their longtime friend Chris Black who died in 2019, the rock band produced a decent time with okay vocals and instrumentals, but spotty features. Grim Generation and Champ are standout songs, while the rest aren't bad but could stand to be more impressive.

79. Plain White T's- Plain White T's. 3/5

The same band behind Hey There Delilah produced a few songs here with the same cheesy earnestness. It works for tracks like Would You Even and Fired Up, but not so much for the rest.

78. Logic- College Park. 3/5.

A step down from his previous album. Not bad at all, but Logic might not be my cup of tea like he used to be when I was a teenager. His production this time around is iffy, the skits are intriguing but are too heavy in abundance, and the features fail to impress. But Logic can still impress with his lyrical ability when he puts himself to it.

77. Macklemore- Ben. 3/5

Macklemore's lyrical ability to surpass Logic by just a tad is wild to me. When he is rapping and embraces hip-hop, Macklemore is better. Unfortunately, the plethora of pop songs on here are nowhere near as good and bring down the quality. Still, it's a decent listen.

76. Rolling Stones- Hackney Diamonds. 3/5.

For a first-ever album listen from the classic rock band, I sort of expected more from them. On par with some of their classics? Probably not, but the instrumentals are enough to drive the album to become a vibe as other facets of the songs fall a bit short.

75. Offset- Set It Off. 3/5

Offset's solo record is bloated with songs that could be removed to improve the quality. But the rapper himself is lyrically decent. Coupled with features from Travis Scott and Cardi Bi among others that do well and production varying from okay to good, Offset's latest outing is an okay time overall.

74. Rick Ross and Meek Mill- Too Good To Be True. 3/5.

The collab album between both Robert rappers is a bit lop-sided as Rick Ross does a more impressive job than Meek. While Ross impresses lyrically and even has funny lines, Meek doesn't raise to meet Ross at his standard, though he has some good verses throughout. With mixed features and production alike, the album is a missed opportunity to be better than it is.

73. Kevin Abstract- Blanket. 3/5.

One of the members of the former rap group BROCKHAMPTON launched out on his own and surprised me with an alternative rock album to the usual rap he's known for. Kevin's best songs come from the crushy, love songs that remind me of old Blink 182 at points.

72. Blink 182- One More Time. 3/5.

Speaking of Blink 182, the punk rock band still presents decent melodies and instrumentals all these years later. Lyrically and vocally, there are moments where the band will falter, but there are still songs to enjoy and latch onto which is a more than welcome surprise.

71. ZZ Ward- Dirty Shine. 3/5.

A soulful artist at heart, Pennsylvania native ZZ Ward presents strong vocals in an engaging style. She harbors a little hip-hop influence in the album which I love to see. (She makes a Lil Wayne reference in a track that pops me). The features were decent on this project, but also could've provided more. Luckily for ZZ, she performs well across the album.

70. Icona Pop- Club Romantech. 3/5.

Swedish synth-pop duo Icona Pop dropped an okay EDM album that could've been more bombastic. vocally and lyrically the tracks are uninteresting as the beats carry somewhat, but they could be better.

69. Meredith O'Connor- I am. 3/5

Upon request earlier this year, I listened to singer Meredith O'Connor and her 2015 album, "I Am." With production and lyrics being decent as they are, it's O'Connor's vocals that carry the quality of the album, bringing a vibe reminiscent to someone like Cascada, which is a positive in my eyes.

68. The Hives- The Death of Randy Fitzsimmons. 3/5.

Garage rock band The Hives should have songs that work so much better than they do. Bogus Operandi and Two kinds of Trouble are two fun and intriguing listens that the other songs fail to reach the same level as.

67. Avenged Sevenfold- Life Is But A Dream. 3/5.

The metal band tried something bold with their latest project. There's electronic songs sprinkled throughout that seem to grab influence from controversial artist Kanye West/Ye. Some of it sounds fine but it's not as good as some of Kanye's older works. The production is better for the rock songs than for the electronic tracks. Above all else, it's an interesting listen.

66. Big Time Rush- Another Life. 3/5.

A nice welcome back from a boy band group that disbanded long ago and whose show I used to watch on Nickelodeon in the 2010s. Vocally, all 4 members of the group are sound, but it's admittedly hard to tell who is singing at some times. It's classic boy band material through and through and it's hard to hate on that.

65. Rita Ora- You & I. 3/5.

Her material needs better work, but vocally she is sublime. "I don't wanna be your friend" works really well as a cute way for the singer to articulate her feelings. Some of the songs feel a big generic, but some are really earworm-like on a sonic level.

64. Daz Dillinger- So So Gangsta. 3/5.

As one-half of the rap duo Tha Dogg Pound, Daz Dillinger dropped a "so so" album circa 2006. Daz and the various features have some decent lines and the production is sound and feels right out of the 2000s, but the subject matter to which Dillinger raps about could stand to be more engaging.

63. Temple of Angel- Endless Pursuit. 3/5.

This indie band has some decent songs overall, but I think they need to work on their mixing. In some songs, the lead singers voices feel drowned out against the instrumentals. With a male and female lead singer taking turns across the 11-track run, I also find the female lead singer to be the stronger of the two. I definitely recommend the album as a listen, but especially tracks like Tangled in joy, Waving to the Wind, and Secret Place.

62. Killer Mike- Michael. 3/5.

The other half of Run The Jewels manages to have plenty of impactful bars, but also comes off as preachy at times and uninspired. Shout out to Andre 3000 and 2 Chainz though for having some of the best features on the album.

61. Foo Fighters- But Here We Are. 3/5.

The first two tracks set a nice standard. "Rescued" and "You" are some of the best songs Dave Grohl and the band have to offer. There's a small downward slope in quality after the first two songs, but it's still an okay album overall.

60. Dave Matthews Band- Walk Around the Moon.

The beginning and ending tracks are some of the best songs Dave Matthews and his band have to offer. The middle portion is a bit meandering, but his acoustic, low-key songs work pretty well for Dave Matthews.

59. Metallica- 72 Seasons. 3/5.

The iconic rock band started incredibly strong with its first three tracks, but sort of drifts off into mediocrity afterward. It's roaring instrumentals and guitar riffs are dope, but could and should be better from its lyrics and James Hetfield vocals.

58. Kesha- Gag Order. 3/5.

Kesha strayed from the party days of Die Young and Tik Tok long ago, but the dive into her own psyche on this project is fascinating. Vocally and instrumentally, it holds her back. But lyrically, it's compact with thought-provoking subject matter. Living In My Head has to be my favorite song of the thirteen on here.

57. Poppy- Zig. 3/5.

Known for surreal performance art videos on YouTube, Poppy's music is as intriguing as her artwork, blending dark elements into pop-techno vibes. The first two songs are heavy into EDM as the rest lean more into pop. I would've preferred more EDM fusion but Poppy still crafted something worthwhile.

56. Daniel Caesar- Never Enough. 3/5.

R&B artist Daniel Caesar dropped a decent projects days after his 28th birthday. Vocally he's pretty good. The same applies to his lyrics, but the instrumentals are not so noteworthy. Cool and Toronto 2014 are 2 of my favorite songs from him here.

55. Ellie Goulding- Higher Than Heaven. 3/5.

Goulding's pop sounds comes across as typical sometimes, but other times its incredibly pleasant with stand out moments. Her songs for love, "Cure For Love," "Love Goes On," and "How Love" are some favorites on the album among a few that aren't as memorable unfortunately.

54. Kim Petras- Feed The Beast. 3/5.

You may or may not be aware of Kim Petras from her feature on Sam Smith's big hit Unholy, but on Feed The Beast, Petras strives off on her own in her debut album. The first half of the album is stronger with more bangers in the dance-pop project. "Alone" has to be one of my favorite songs from the album, though to be fair, it's a bit of a cheat since it interpolates the beat and instrumentals from the superior "Better Off Alone" by Alice Deejay.

53. Nicki Minaj- Pink Friday 2. 3/5.

The long-awaited sequel to one of her best projects, it could stand to be better by cutting some of the songs, but it's still an okay listen. J Cole's guest feature was the best on the album as others were more or less impressive. As for Minaj herself, she sometimes delivers and sometimes hits just right in Pink Friday 2 with some fun pop jams.

52. Miley Cyrus- Endless Summer Vacation. 3/5

Vocally, Miley Cyrus is a champion. Lyrically, she flip-flops between engaging and meh. Her lead single, Flowers, is a certified bop, but other songs like "Jaded" and "You are" are two other dope tracks. Every other song is mostly acceptable, but the album would be better if it ended on "Wonder Woman" instead of another version of Flowers.

51. Lil Tjay- 222. 3/5.

On his third studio album, Lil Tjay dropped a finely paced album with decent lyricism. He even incorporates singing elements that were surprisingly nice to accompany solid production. It's chock-full of features that are hit or miss, but Polo G is definitely a standout amongst the sea of other rappers.

50. Dave East- Fortune Favors The Bold. 3/5.

The same rapper who portrayed Method Man in the Wu-Tang series delivered an adequate album that's way too bloated. At 24 songs, it's too much Dave East to endure, but there are still some verses and bars worth praise. With decent storytelling and solid production, Dave East's album could be better if a plethora of songs were cut.

49. Rupaul- Black Butta. 3.5/5.

As someone who does not follow or keep up on Rupaul much, I was pleasantly surprised to see how good this album was. The energetic dance elements are astonishingly well done here by the drag race icon.

48. TK Blockstar- Malicious Heart. 3.5/5.

I did a review for Cave Dweller Music on this upcoming artist, but to touch on her, TK Blockstar's 2019 release Malicious Heart is a really good debut album for her with some of the best aspects coming from the production and its features. Though one of my favorite tracks has to be Came a long Way.

47. Vic Mensa- Victor. 3.5/5

A bit long in the tooth, but Vic Mensa cultivated a rap album that impresses lyrically and vocally. While the features vary in quality, Mensa delivers quality verses in a run that could stand to have some songs cut.

46. Wiz Khalifa- Decisions. 3.5/5.

A song dedicated to Nipsey Hussle was a strong beginning. From there, he mostly tackles subject matters typical to him: Weed and Women. The tracks about girls are okay, but his weed jams are fun and elevate the album to be a decent, fun jam.

45. Troye Sivan- Something To Give Each Other. 3.5/5.

The theme of love goes strong throughout the album as its main subject, and it's done incredibly well. It's a cool instrumental, EDM album that has some admirable songs across the board.

44. Ben Folds- What Matters Most. 3.5/5.

Ben Folds crafts an engaging, emotionally charge experience with superb storytelling. With simplistic instrumentals and a soothing voice, Ben puts a unique spin on songs only he could craft like "Kristine From 7th Grade" and "Paddleboat Breakup."

43. Yellowcard- Childhood Eyes. 3.5/5

A short EP that makes the most of its runtime. The Pierce The Veil feature is a great surprise, Three Minutes More is the best of the bunch, and every other song is nice to listen to sonically.

42. Ab-Soul- HERBERT. 3.5/5.

At the tail-end of 2022, established rapper Ab-Soul dropped his fifth studio album titled after his birth name. One of the better rap albums to listen to this year with good beats and bars, but some iffy features.

41. Ava Max- Diamonds & Dancefloors. 3.5/5.

Ava has a stellar voice that the instrumentals compliment nicely here. Pacing, lyrics, there's plenty to like from this project with good tracks like Ghost or Hold Up (Wait a Minute).

40. Steel Panther- On The Prowl. 3.5/5.

The raunchy comedic rock band has funny shtick that manages to entertain for at least the first half of the project. It starts wearing thin in the second half with childish jokes or remarks, but it's pretty fun to listen to at points throughout. And it definitely helps that the instrumentals are sublime for the most part for the band.

39. Rod Wave- Nostalgia. 3.5/5.

Rod Wave shifts back and forth between rapping and singing, but its the singing that's stronger from him. At 18 songs, the tracks could've been shaved off after the tenth joint. 2018 and Call Your Friends are lowkey faves with sweet or interesting messages attached.

38. Melanie Martinez- Portals. 3.5/5.

Melanie Martinez is a gifted vocalist and lyricist. There's a story told throughout the project with peaks and valleys aplenty. Contortionist and Evil are standout tracks amongst some others.

37. Jorja Smith- Falling or Flying. 3.5/5

Jorja's emphasis on love is a wholesome, fascinating endeavor. Helped with decent production, but also could stand to have some songs be shaved off to help its length.

36. Paul Wall and Termanology- Start Finish Repeat. 3.5/5

A lowkey rap album where two great lyricists trade off bars and go back and forth is a superb listen. It's a chill vibe for people looking for something lowkey to listen to.

35. Danny Brown- Quaranta. 3.5/5.

Danny Brown's solo rap joint is a somber, retrospective listen. His unique voice works for the most part, and warrants listens from fans of him and hip hop alike.

34. Pierce The Veil- The Jaws of Life. 3.5/5.

There's a four-track run from the punk album that's wild and utterly sublime.

33. P!nk- Trustfall, 3.5./5.

P!nk's vocals and lyrics are really good, with her still being outstanding this far into her career.

32. PinkPantheress- Heaven Knows. 3.5/5.

The features sort of fumble the bag, but PinkPantheress is clearly better on her own and relishes in her solo project.

31. Burna Boy- I Told Them. 3.5/5.

An improvement on his last album, Love Damini, that's carried by chill vibes and a sampling of Birthday Sex by Jeremih that I have a soft spot for.

30. Gorillaz- Cracker island. 3.5/5.

The Gorillaz do EDM surprisingly well to me, I wasn't expecting it.

29. IDK- F65. 3.5/5.

The fusion of rap, jazz, and soul, is too damn good. Some of the songs are too short and should benefit from an extra verse, but IDK can sing and rap well, it's astounding.

28. Tiesto- Drive. 3.5/5.

More of the artists featured on this lowkey album do better than others and elevate the project to be really good.

27. Olivia Rodrigo- GUTS. 3.5/5.

I didn't like as much as her first album, which is on this list, but it has a lot to offer with lyrics and her range as a vocalist.

26. Alicia Keys- The Diary of Alicia Keys. 3.5./5.

As the 20th anniversary came and went, the initial release of Alicia keys 2003 classic is iconic.

25. Mitski- The Land is inhospitable and so are we. 3.5/5.

Mitski is an impressive vocalist but her song-writing ability is top notch as she records poetry for the listener to indulge in.

24. Lana Del Rey-  Did you know that there's a tunnel under Ocean Blvd. 3.5/5.

Lana's songwriting and lyrics are even more sublime as she crafts a stunning effort with some easy favorites like Paris, Texas.

23. Rebecca Black- Let Her Burn. 3.5/5.

Rebecca Black recovered really well from the fiasco that was her disastrous song Friday. Tinges of darkness spread throughout to my liking.

22. Jon Batiste- World Music Radio. 3.5/5.

Jon Batiste aligned himself with a talented assortment of features to craft songs that are super solid to listen to.

21. Janelle Monae- The Age Of Pleasure. 3.5/5.

Janelle Monae crafted instant bops like Champagne Shit, Phenomenal, and Lipstick Lover, which fans of her and R&B genre should listen to.

20. Kali Uchis- Red Moon in Venus. 3.5/5.

Her soothing voice and intriguing lyrics help propel her romantic songs as some of the best tracks in 2023.

19. Taylor Swift- Speak Now. (Taylor's Version.) 3.5/5.

The obvious superior album to release from Taylor's vault this year, as opposed to the other one she dropped. The original lineup and from the vault are better here than 1989 by miles.

18. Paramore- This is Why. 3.5/5.

My favorite band dropped an album not quite as good in my opinion as After Laughter, but still a reaaaaally good listen that's gotten better as I listen more and more. Lyrically, vocally, and instrumentally, This is Why is an awesome listen.

17. Weezer- SZNZ: Winter. 4/5.

As Weezer experimented with 4 albums in 2022, one for each season, its the Winter season that may be my favorite of the bunch.

16. Bishop Briggs- When Everything Went Dark. 4/5.

Possibly the best EP I got to listen to throughout the year that makes the most of its short length.

15. Olivia Rodrigo- Sour. 4/5.

Olivia's freshman album surpasses her latest album by just a little bit with better pop-punk elements at play.

14. Dove Cameron- Alchemical: Volume 1.

sonically intriguing, one of the better pop elements to come out with decent pacing.

13. Corey Taylor- CMF2. 4/5.

The lead singer of Slipknot does well on his own swimmingly, as it works well and almost makes me want to check out the other Slipknot songs.

12. Travis Scott- Utopia. 4/5.

The long-awaited Utopia was worth the wait as it has songs that have great production and features that kill across the board from Drake to Westside Gunn to Beyonce.

11. Voyager- Fearless in Love. 4/5.

Instrumentals are godly, its vocals are a triumph, and most of the tracks here are powerful bops.

10. Danny Brown and JPEGMAFIA- Scaring The Hoes. 4/5.

its not my favorite rap album I listened to this past year, but it is the most interesting by far. the production is all over the place, its loud, bold, it full of nerd samples and references to games and wrestling that I love, its awesome.

9. 38 Spesh and Conway The machine- Speshal Machinery. 4/5.

Some tracks feel like retreads of other Conway songs and albums, but there are still some great songs, samples, and features across the board.

8. Hozier- Unreal Unearth. 4/5.

Similar to Mitski, the lyrics are akin to poetry. It's a remarkable sensational achievement with highlights like Damage Gets Done.

7. Conway The Machine- Won't He Do It. 4/5.

Conway by himself surpasses the collab with 38 Spesh by just a little. Brooklyn Chop House is a masterpiece of a song where Fabulous and Benny The Butcher are sublime in it.

6. Talib Kweli- Quality. 4/5.

Released in 2002, Talib Kweli dropped a critically acclaimed album that supplies dope bars, off-the-charts production, and sublime features. if it was just a little bit shorter, it would rank a tad higher.

5. AFI- Sing The Sorrow. 4/5.

Another epic album from the 2000s, my favorite decade. The punk album floored me with nostalgia as it hits peak 2000s punk rock. Vocals, lyrics, and instrumentals are exactly what I want from a project like this.

4. Raekwon- Only Bult 4 Cuban Linx. 4/5

It's billed as a Raekwon album, but it's more of a Raekwon and Ghostface Killah collab featuring other Wu tang members. Released in 1995, the production and bars shared by members of the collective are at their best which shows why this album is among some of the best.

3. 2 Chainz and Lil Wayne- Welcome 2 Collegrove.

it's one of the most fun albums to come out this year. Chainz and Wayne go dumb for song after song as they go back and forth with memorable moments throughout.

2. Fall Out Boy- So Much (For) Stardust. 4/5.

Heaven, Iowa is the only song from the album that is weak as hell. Every other song is a strong addition. It's instrumentals, lyrics, it all is immaculate.

Czarface- CZARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE. 4.5/5. Czarface is a hip hop duo involving Inspectah Deck and Inspectah Deck. They managed to make raps about nerd shit like Marvel cool and it makes me grin ear to ear. I love almost all the features, mama's basement and marvel at that are endearing highlights. few low points but no bad songs overall. Clearly, my favorite album listened to in 2023.

#review #music review #music #album review #post malone #escape the fate #chief keef #sam smith #taylor swift #drake #blink 182 #nicki minaj #miley cyrus #olivia rodrigo #lana del rey #paramore #weezer #fall out boy #punk rock #hip hop #rock #pop music

[mavenstein]

Your hair is sooo sick!! That’s literally how I want mine to look how do you cut/style it??

use scene hair tutorials on youtube as a reference always if you are starting from scratch or a different type of bang. if they are from over ten years ago they are going to be the most accurate and informational imo.

do a side part and another part around the crown of your head (which you can do pretty far back, cause the layered part will be the top of the head but the length will be straight and all the same length). this will separate the long back part of the hair from the bang and the bang from the side fringe. where the side part is is where the shortest part of the bang and the shortest part of the side fringe will be and they will go slightly longer as each one goes down like a pyramid. leave the back part of the hair alone, its really just the bangs that make the hairstyle.

once you have the basic shape down go in with a razor comb/some type of razor to make the layers. they should be shortest at the top and longer as they go down. this you can do on the back part of the hair that wasn’t a part of the bang but only at the top so you don’t mess with the straight length.

for styling, if you have enough layers you don’t need to tease it unless you are putting in clip in extensions. blackhairedbrat has a video somewhere on her channel that i used initially for my extension technique. if you have a lot of short layers, you can still tease it if you want to, but this looks better on longer scene hair that has a lot of long layers in it as well as short.

for straightening, i recommend to blow dry it while its wet to get volume and to blow it into the right shape, go against the direction the bangs are meant to go in and blow dry it upside down. when you go to straighten it, part it on the opposite side of what you want it and straighten it in the opposite direction. then when you flip it to the right side there is more volume.

anything you can do to get volume without teasing your hair will be your friend!!

if you are going to wear a bow or clip, don’t use it to clip your bangs in place. this will make it look like you are trying to have bangs but don’t rather than accessorizing existing bangs. place it where the part is because it will serve better as an accessory that way. if you do want to clip your bangs, use a bobby pin instead.

for a snapback hat, teasing and volume isn’t important, but keeping your bangs and side fringe in place is, for this you can just comb them into place and hairspray them. most other hair accessories i think can just be worn regularly.

if you are doing pigtails or a ponytail with extensions in, put them in upside down so they will be going in the same direction your hair will be in when tied up and are more likely to be hidden.

if you are curling your hair, only do the long straight back part that doesn’t have layers. don’t curl the bang, keep the bang straight because this is what makes it scene. you can, however flip up the tip end of the bang to make it blend in with the full curled hairstyle more seamlessly.

this is all of the hair cutting and styling tips i can think of but try to watch as many scene/emo hair videos as possible uploaded before 2014/2013. i remember watching Roxy Love, Sky Sempiternal, Sarah Christine Fowler, Ambrehh is Dead (Amber Katelyn Beale). i don’t know if reuploads exist for some of those people but all of Ambers videos are still up. just any random scene person on youtube will give a good visual guide tbh. I’m sure there are some recent uploaders with good tutorials but they are probably hit or miss.

a lot of the really really old videos/tutorials are just time lapses of them doing their hair with music playing over it which doesn’t make for a good explanation but does still offer the visual guide.

i could probably make a youtube video on my hair in the future if anyone needs it but i hope my explanation here makes sense lol!

[centrally-unplanned]

Don't care about SAO but adore learning about internet drama so - what's the Great Digibro Divergence?

Sword Art Online's anime was released in 2012, and it was a huge success amoung mainstream audiences. Mainstream audiences don't typically post on Tumblr or Reddit though, that is a fandom thing, and in the West fandom reception was also positive - the reddit threads were hype, reviews were good, and since this was 2012 when the peak of the first "AniTuber" wave was cresting, the YouTuber reviews were positive. People like Glass Reflections, Gigguk, etc, all made positive reviews through 2013. But all the reviews had this note of like, "yeah there are big issues but what it does right, it does right."

Then in 2014 MyLittlePony-Analyst-Turned-Anime-Youtuber-Critic (glorious sentence) Digibro released his "Sword Art Oline - An Analytical Diatribe", a Red Letter Media-inspired long-form takedown of the series. It was one of the first and most influential of that genre of rage-fueled, edgy, but fundamentally analysis-focused videos in the anime space (a genre which was very big in the mid-2010's and lives on through YouTubers like MauLer). It essentially took all the 'it has flaws but' perspectives and flipped them on their head, to say the flaws are overwhelming and erase the good.

Through a combination of the video itself being so successful due to its style & format, to the fact that there was always a large undercurrent of people who didn't like SAO but were always drowned out by fans and so didn't bother, the tide turned. And certainly another factor is the inherent life cycle of a fandom, people love to hate, they love to hate the most popular things the most, and you just need a 'tipping point' to make that hating go from cringe to cool. Digi's video was that tipping point, and by 2015 every Youtuber was posting imitation SAO hate-fests and every reddit thread that wasn't an episode recap or something was bashing it. It was Hamilton or Homestuck on Tumblr all over again, essentially.

THere are other structural reasons around SAO itself, and of course this is a 'straw breaking the camels back' moment not the entire cause, but I think that is a key divergence between west & japan on how SAO is percieved - hating SAO was critical to the birth of an entire subgenre of Anime Fandom so it became way more entrenched than in Japan.

(And I am not linking the review because Digi now goes by Trixie, hates all of her old videos essentially, deleted most of them, and has quit anitubing. But Pendantic Romantic has a video on the fandom around SAO describing this phenomenon, can link that for the insane who are curious)

#anime fandom history

[jess-moloney]

I agree with the anom Jamie can't stay single and he had an unstable relationship with Lily Collins from 2012 to 2018 a while ago they both broke up and they got back together and he dated with two other girls (not at the same time), during their breakup he dated Zina Charkoplia in 2013 (the relationship lasted 1 year) and he dated shortly after with Matilda Lowther from 2014 to 2015 so 1 year and he got back together with Lily in 2015 and they broke up for good in 2018. Jamie is someone who gets attached too quickly and he needs to take a break from his romantic relationships.

I do think this relationship issue stems from his sobriety issue (or before that his alcohol abuse issue). I don't think it's abnormal for people in situations like this to attempt to trade one addiction for another or have a fear of being alone since they may think that being alone could cause them to relapse.

In general if you can't be okay with yourself, or comfortable being alone, then you aren't ever going to be comfortable or okay in a relationship. This goes for everyone. Trying to rely on someone else to save you or fix you or whatever the case is, when you can't even take care of things yourself, will never end correctly.

This is probably what led him to Jess in the first place. He was desperate (and a mess) and she probably was the only one who would put up with him (as he says). Let's not go around acting like he was probably all flowers and sunshine in a time like that, he more than likely wasn't. None of us would be. The fact that Jess decided at the worst time when he'd have been the worst to get in there says way too much about her.

Healthy normal people would know not to get yourself involved as the rebound partner during a time period like that. She saw an opportunity, she knew she'd never get it otherwise, and she took advantage of whatever position she had over him. I hope he's realizing this now (though I do think he realized it before now) but as I've said before she can't be an easy person to get rid of. Especially not when this is the one thing that ever got her anything resembling fame and she's unlikely to ever get it again once they split up.

#jess moloney #jamie campbell bower #jamie bower #mail

[justiceamberheard]

Amber Heard’s witnesses’ testimonies, part 1.

Day 16. Day 17.

iO Tillett Wright.

Wright testifies he lived with Heard between August 2013-June 2014. He says he stopped being friends with Depp in 2015.

Wright tells Depp's attorneys he never witnessed Depp physically abuse Heard. He goes on to say Depp, when sober, was lucid, imaginative, and a kindred connection.

Wright testifies he had a strong connection with Depp after meeting him at a "family dinner" Heard hosted.

He says Depp was very mean about Amber, saying Depp said: "All she's got are her looks, she's got no talent, when her t*** start to sag no one's going to want her for anything, so she'll need to find another way to survive."

He says Depp would become "very demeaning" towards Heard when he was drinking or taking drugs, saying Depp would say: "She was famous just because of her looks and because people wanted to have sex with her." Mr Tillett Wright also says Depp was derogatory about his fans, saying "he called them burrs which are sucker fish which attach themselves to the hull of a ship and make a hole in the side of it".He says Depp was also rude about his mother and his siblings, basically "anyone he felt had crossed him, he would become very nasty".

iO Tillett Wright, friend of Heard and Depp, testifies to hearing Depp say at his wedding to Heard: "We're married. Now I can punch her in the face and nobody can do anything about it."

the pictures of Amber with bruises and cuts were shown.

Heard's former friend, iO Tillett Wright, says he and Heard discussed the poop incident on the phone on 21 May 2016.

Tillett Wright testifies to hearing an altercation between Heard and Depp over the phone on May 21, 2016, in which Depp threatened Heard and Heard screamed, prompting Tillett Wright to call 9-1-1. 

Raquel 'Rocky' Pennington

Ms Pennington is asked if she is still friends with Heard. After a very long pause she says: "We are not not friends."Ms Vasquez asks her what she means. Ms Pennington says: "We don't speak, we are not enemies. We grew apart."

She is asked if she ever had a physical altercation with Heard, and she says yes. She's asked to describe it and says: "I believe I pushed her. She either pushed or hit me back. I think it was on my cheek."

She says she witnessed Depp become "angry and aggressive" during an evening event around a campfire when on the trip. She says she had consumed mushrooms.She says it was there Depp became "angry and aggressive" with Kelly-Sue Molano. She says she thinks Ms Molano had also consumed "an amount" of mushrooms.Ms Pennington testifies she heard Depp say to Ms Molano: "Get off my woman." She says: "I think Kelly and Amber were hugging on a chair by the fire. [Depp] came out of nowhere."

she says: "It [the trailer] was trashed, it was torn apart." When asked if she saw Depp cause any of this damage, she says no, she did not.

Ms Pennington recalls seeing cuts on Heard's feet and arms but says she was not in Australia when she sustained these injuries.

Pennington describes a Thanksgiving dinner at the Eastern Columbia Building. She notes there was spilled wine "on the bed and on the ground" and that "there was glass everywhere."

Pennington later describes seeing Heard's head was "raw and red" with a chunk of hair missing. She also notes the area was bloody.

Ms Vasquez draws her attention to December 2015 when Heard called Ms Pennington over to her penthouse to check her injuries.

pictures were shown

Ms Pennington recalls Heard "showing" her makeup artist her lip and her hairstylist the missing hair on her head.

When asked if she ever personally saw Depp cause Heard injury, Ms Pennington says: "I didn't see it."

Asked if there was a name she used when referring to Depp's different self, she says: "We called it the monster."Mr Rottenborn asks Ms Pennington to clarify who she means by "we" and she goes on to say the term was used by herself, Heard, Depp and those in their inner circle.The lawyer asks: "You heard Johnny refer to this other version of himself as the monster directly?""Either heard or saw it written in a text," Ms Pennington responds.

"Towards the end when the physical abuse was more evident I was worried. I was worried for her physical safety, I was worried that when he turned he might do something that was worse than he intended."

She describes injuries on Heard's face. Pennington notes photos of the injuries were taken the night before she appeared on The Late Late Show with James Corden. (December 2015).

She often had to cover bruises and injuries on her face with makeup. Rottenborn: Did you see her cover bruises on her face with makeup? Pennington: Yes.

I saw injuries on her body from the time directly after they happened throughout the next night, the next day and as they continued to heal.

May 21, 2016. Pennington testifies Heard yelled for help, which she had never done before. Pennington said she put her hands on Depp's chest and he pushed them away.

May 21, 2016 incident, saying Depp was "irate" and that she feared for Heard's life.

pictures.

Pennington states she took this photo of Heard. Pennington: She looks like a skeleton.

Depp told Raquel that he injured his finger.

#anti johnny depp #johnny depp #i stand with amber heard #amber heard

[tabslabs]

have I… not actually talked about why I taught myself how to draw? You guys don't understand cause every two months or so I catch myself starting to talk about this and delete it all because I'm positive I had said it like two months ago But I've searched for just about everything that might've resulted in this aside from searching "THE" and came up with nothing. No results, all the way back to 2013-2014 nothing there

I learned how to draw SPECIFICALLY to draw THE: Triple HeroEs one day. In middle school I sat myself down and told myself that if I didn't learn how to draw, THE was never going to get made so I went out and started practicing. Going back through the old tweets I had, towards the bottom all my THE tweets mention pen because I didn't feel confident enough in my own skills to try to do it myself and pen was always better than me in the drawing department when we were younger It's been a good, nearly 7 years of practice, and honestly, I only got really proud of my own art like… a little over a year ago. Sure I've been happy with it for a while, but not to the extent that I've actually made multiple propics for myself And also, just being able to look at what I've drawn and be actually proud of it makes it a lot easier to produce for an audience of one (I know a few of you guys like a lot of my nonsense, and i'm not taking away from that! I love you folks!) Anyhow, I'm getting off topic, but I love THE so much a lot in part because I directly owe this portion of my life that I find so much joy in to it. And no matter how many redesigns and story changes it goes through, that's not going to change One day, I'll make some THE comics again (yes, again, I did like 2.5 chapters junior year of high school… edgy stuff that is no longer canon). It deserves it.

#mar 2019 #twitter archive #... #see the thing is it does deserve it... but I also don't want to change it anymore #I feel like if I made THE today I'd have to change so much of the core of it #and it really wouldn't be the project that made me want to draw in the first place #I dunno sure I changed it a lot since then #but if I just keep changing it and changing it and changing it.... where's the original soul? #I barely even want to keep their original superhero names for crying out loud #it's really a project that's grown up with me and I have a lot of love for it in that respect #but it's kinda like #idk I had a dream for what it would be like when I was 8 #I'm 24 now and what comics I want to make don't look like that anymore #and I don't want to force it by continuing to strip it down and readjusting it to something I would want to make #cause that wouldn't be THE #who knows #maybe in another 5 years I'll come back to it again #I still draw the characters every now and then #but honestly the last change I made I completely redid Yin & Yang such that they're not named that anymore either #and idk I don't want to keep removing names and changing personalities & motives #but the way they are now just... aren't what I want to do

[kitkatt0430]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💗

Survivor's Guilt - (Fandom: The Flash) Harrison Wells survives night of the car accident Eobard Thawne caused, but Tess Morgan still dies. Of course, no one knows that last part yet. In which Eobard Thawne spends fifteen years as Tess, from Harrison's PoV. Eventually Harrison Wells/Tina McGee/Jerry McGee.

I found Jerry McGee in the various wikis about the comics while looking for more info on Tina and brought him in here where he became a chaotic, closeted bi who cannot sit in chairs properly to save his life. OG Harrison goes through a lot, but he winds up happy in the end. Has a prequel from Eobard's PoV and a sequel from Harrison's PoV for parts of S2 where E2 Tess Wells shows up in place of Harry.

Through The Looking Glass - (Fandom: Tales of Vesperia) Brave Vesperia is doing a job for the Empire, helping to clean up an old lab run by Alexei's allies and wind up accidentally rewriting history in the process.

First in a series about the timeline Yuri finds himself in where he never existed. Until now, that is. It's unfinished for now, but I want to work on it more as I've got a lot of plans for it. The world may be a dystopia run by Alexei now, but Yuri is bringing hope to the world - but arguably he's the person who needs hope the most...

The Comeback Queen - (Fandom: Supergirl) Part 2 of an ongoing series. In which Leslie gets her powers, but doesn't become a villain. Because, quite frankly, flirting with Supergirl is more fun than villainy anyway.

Livewire is a character I liked way back when I was a kid watching the Superman Animated Series. So I loved seeing her on Supergirl. And there was some definite sparkage between her and Kara. I may like Kara/Lena best, but Kara/Leslie is definitely a fun ship too.

Unexpected - (Fandom: Arrow) Tommy's jealousy over Laurel and Oliver's lingering feelings for each other swerves in an unexpected direction when he learns Oliver's in love with him too. Tommy/Laurel with pre-Tommy/Laurel/Oliver

Tommy is a disaster here realizing that he may be bi after all, Laurel is finally learning to move on from her grief over Sara thanks to her love for Tommy, and Oliver is being his usual, reckless self. Tales place during Season 1, starting with the poorly thought out double data involving Helena and continues through to the Christmas Party Snafu.

Scientific Method - (Fandoms: Arrow, The Flash) A rewrite of the two parter from Arrow S2, where Barry is introduced. Now with Tommy not being dead, Barry attending the party as Oliver's plus one instead of Felicity's, Oliver getting the infamous 'I'm sure he penetrates just fine' line, and Thea learning her brother is a vigilante from Oliver which goes a ways towards alleviating the trust issues that would have given Malcolm an in with her in canon.

Started off as an idea for a short fic rewriting just the party and expanded because I decided Tommy was alive and suddenly I was fleshing out a much bigger plot. I have plans for this series that'll take it into S1 of the Flash and tie in to at least one Batman movie, but I haven't even gotten to the fic about their New Years shenanigans or the traumatizing events of the Accelerator Incident (now pushed back to taking place in the first week of 2014 instead of the last few weeks of 2013 like in canon).

#kitkatt0430 answers #fic recs #fanfiction #the flash #arrow #tales of vesperia #supergirl

[maxwell-grant]

So, thoughts on Better Call Saul last season ?

....................................................................................

..............Okay, so

I'm still not having an easy time dealing with the fact that this show is over. I started watching Breaking Bad with my mom circa 2013, right as the 5th season was ending, and soon afterwards we'd started watching Better Call Saul together when it first began airing in 2014. I quite literally grew up with this show from adolescence to adulthood, it just always being there, something me and her would look up to every year or so. There's really nothing else out there that's comparable to this, in terms of my experience with it.

My first school assignment with video (pretty much the first time I ever filmed a project of any kind) was me doing a parody of that "That's why I fight for you Albuquerque!" commercial, and that was way before Better Call Saul began airing. This character's just been a part of my life for so long, I moved through homes 4 times and even then, there was always looking forward to watching Better Call Saul on the couch with her with every year or so. It was just always there, and it never felt like it was gonna leave.

I know I'm being dramatic but, man, it really feels like the end of an era to me, because it is. Just, 9, almost 10 years, coming to an end.

I guess I don't have as much to say now as I did last post considering I've been reblogging BCS posts and dropping thoughts in the notes but, here goes:

Oh man was I scared when Lalo Salamanca crashed through the laundromat's rooftop, killed Gus and proceeded to take over Los Pollos Hermanos as well as the franchise with his own vlogging spin-off. I was a little unsure that Lalo could carry his own show but, Tony Dalton really made it work, and Cocina de Lalo really sweeped the Emmies this year so, can't argue with results, y'know. I know the fanbase was kinda mixed on the Hamlin & Salamanca Graveyard Smash episode but it definitely felt like a major step-up as far as LGBT representation in this universe.

Anyway, rest in piece king. Besides getting a ghost boyfriend, you ended up ruining like 4 relationships and causing your lawyer to go off the deep end so badly he ended up creating the world's most pathetic monster that would eventually bring down Gus for good so, congrats Lalo Salamanca for winning the cartel war purely by dicking around.

I'm glad that Giancarlo won that TV Icon award apparently based almost entirely on his performance in that wine bar scene because, Jesus, talk about an all-timer way for us to say goodbye to Gus. I'm glad that they never showed Gus again, that was the perfect note for the character to leave us forever on. Again, victory has to be bittersweet, and he has to get the choice to walk away from this, only he doesn't really get a choice.

Giancarlo's ability to wordlessly convey volumes of inner turmoil was so good, I love so much about Gus' presentation and how non-verbal it is in the moments where it matters most. Also love that they somehow worked in a way for Gus and Lalo to Villain Monologue at each other prior, 10/10.

I kinda missed Jonathan Banks this season, but Mike was such a fixture in the early seasons of the show (and back then, the only part that interested me, I was a little too young and restless to stay awake for much of the lawyer business in Seasons 1-3) that, I get why he had to take a backseat. Dearly loved all of the Mike scenes in this season as well. Also, still miss Michael Mando, and if anything is gonna get me to rewatch this show (and it's far from just one thing), it's gonna be getting to see Michael Mando as Nacho again and really appreciate the character and all he brought to it.

I wasn't actually looking forward that much to seeing Walt and Jesse again because I was kinda afraid that, with BCS already kind of being seen as living in Breaking Bad's shadow, that it was gonna be this whole thing and, honestly I was fine with them not showing up at all. I thought the RV scene was neat and didn't think much besides that.

But then that Kim &Jesse scene happened and suddenly I remembered that, oh yeah, I fucking love Jesse Pinkman and he's one of my favorite characters ever, and here he is interacting with another of my favorite characters ever, and oh God Aaron Paul's doing such an amazing job at playing S1 goofball Jesse, this can't be easy, and oh this scene is so incredibly meaningful and of course they're gonna have Jesse Pinkman deliver bullshit monologues about Baby Jesus and his idiot friends while completely unaware of the massive weight of the narrative ready to pounce on him from behind, and of course it's Kim who has to pass the torch to him.

I was of the opinion that El Camino wasn't really something that had to exist but, nobody in their right minds would complain about getting another hour plus of Aaron Paul as Jesse Pinkman, completely on his own, getting to claw for a set-in-stone freedom one last time. That said, I deeply love this being the last we ever get to see of Jesse Pinkman. This kind of fleeting glimpse into what he was, what we first knew him as, his innocence and humor here heavy with the weight of everything that's going to happen to him.

Crushing but strangely liberating at once, to see Jesse like this and to know for sure that, at the very end, away from his parents and Saul Goodman and Walter White and those fucking nazis, he will finally find his freedom and walk away with the closest this universe can give you in regards to a happy ending, just as Kim did.

(By Breaking Bad Irony)

And on the OTHER hand, I deeply loved that Walter White's final scene was a microcosm not just of the fly episode (which in itself was a deeply significant microcosm of the show), but also of his entire character and role in Saul Goodman's life. He shows up, makes mountains out of molehills, desperately tries to fix problems while making them infinitely worse, acts like a pedantic arrogant jackass the entire time, complains about his chronic inability to make decent life choices, and then just casually devastates the only person around him he can still bully, before leaving others to deal with the noise.

I love that, compared to his guns-blazing semi-redemption at the end of Breaking Bad and the bittersweet flashback at El Camino, to Better Call Saul, there is nothing redeemable about Walter and his lifetime of regrets, there is only the fallout of all he destroyed. In the end, Saul Goodman's big shot was just Worse Chuck, and nobody has anything but contempt for his name here. Rest in shit Heisenberg, nobody even dignifies you with your cool made-up name anymore.

We absolutely had to get a Chuck flashback and, in an episode heavy with the idea of regrets and time machines, of course this was gonna be Jimmy's. Maybe the one chance he ever had, to turn things around with Chuck, the one time Chuck ever reached out to him for a change, maybe the one time Chuck could have changed if only a little, and so could Jimmy.

Chuck is rightfully remembered as such a pain in the ass and even one of the reasons people disliked the show, and the current response to him always seemed to be 50/50 between "Chuck was a monster that ruined every chance his brother had at being good" and "Chuck was right about literally everything that Jimmy was and would be" but, I liked that his final scene just punctuates what an awful, awful tragedy it was for the both of them to turn out like this, that they both could and should have done so many things differently, that they both deserved better than to destroy each other like they did. That, more so than Walter or Howard, Chuck is Jimmy's biggest regret and the one he'd been dying to confess the most to.

If the running idea across most posts I've written or reblogged about this show is that Better Call Saul is a ghost story, there was really no other way this show could have possibly ended without the exorcism of it's greatest, most pervasive and dangerous ghost: Saul Goodman. And maybe Saul Goodman's never really gonna be banished for good, the prison mates will surely never let their hero die (and isn't that what Jimmy wanted Saul to be? A hero, the guy with the slingshot?), but we know better, and more importantly, Kim knows better. There's only one person who still knows Jimmy McGill, and it's the only person that matters, because this was a love story.

There was really no other way this could have possibly ended for Jimmy and Kim and, I love that in the end, the poster boy for dodging the law and it's consequences, the character who made a living out of slipping away scott-free, the King of Getting Away With It, was the ONLY major character in this world who ended up facing legal consequences for what he did.

Just, fucking Saul Goodman being the only major character in this universe who goes to jail and stays there, and of his own volition no less. They couldn't kill him, and they couldn't let him go free, he had to get a unique fate and that was it. They let him "win" and get 7 years, show that he very much could have just gotten away with it, but he didn't, because he changed, because he had to prove he'd changed, because it had to mean something.

Man am I glad that I just happened to download a couple of songs off the BCS soundtrack a few days prior to watching this, because when that final smoking scene started playing the track "Shared Smoke" that also played in the smoking scene in the first episode, I was SO glad to be able to recognize it.

I hope they don't do more spin-offs but, I would absolutely watch anything these people did. They made so much of what seemed like such an unworkable premise it's nothing short of magic.

It was a love story, first and foremost. It was also a ghost story. It was a crime drama. It was a lawyer show. It was a comedy. It was a horror show. It was a story about people becoming the worst versions of themselves. It was about the best versions of ourselves coming through at the last minute. It was a downfall and a redemption. It was the beginning of a legend and the end of an era. It was everything that could have possibly been expected of it and it was a million other things it had no right to be. It was a FUCKING SPIN-OFF and it held a grip on our souls and it's gonna be greatly missed.

Would have still liked to see Huell one last time though. Hope he's doing fine in Louisiana.

#better call saul #breaking bad #bcs #bcs s6 #bcs spoilers #peter gould #vince gilligan #bob odenkirk #tony dalton #rhea seehorn #giancarlo esposito #michael mckean #aaron paul #bryan cranston #youtube stuff

[seeabout-afterdark09]

I Lied

I Lied

Nicki Minaj (December 12, 2014)

This is a slow, melancholy love song in which Nicki Minaj sings about feeling like she has to lie in order to protect her heart.

Noticeably, this is my first time dissecting a solo song of Nicki's up until this point. For good reason.

If Unthinkable acts as foundation of Dricki and Hold On We're Going Home is one of the strong pillars that hold them both up, then I would say that Nicki's song I Lied acts as another important pillar that explains the methodology for why Nicki views Drake the way she does. Like a stabbing pain to the heart, Nicki sings in the intro: "I lied, I lied, I lied/To keep you from breaking my heart." She then continues into the chorus: "Even though I said I didn’t love you (Love you, love you)/I lied, I lied/Even though I said I didn’t need you/I lied, I lied." I believe that in this song Nicki is talking directly to two people: Safaree (her ex at this point) and Drake. In various parts in the song Nicki reflects on past sexual encounters with a man that meant a lot to her (Safaree) and sings about how she had to let him go. But in other parts of the song, Nicki is clearly talking about a man she wants to give a chance to but can't because she feels like she needs to protect herself from him (Drake). Safaree keeps breaking her heart, but even just the idea of dating Drake is terrifying to her.

In the first verse, Nicki bears it all: "I can’t fall for you, can’t give my all to you/Can’t let you think that I'ma let the game stall for you/Gotta protect me, you gotta sweat me/You said you thought you was ready and I said, "Let’s see". Nicki is explaining, she feels like she can't fall for Drake becuase she doesn't want him to feel like she's going to put her career on the back burner for him. She has to protect herself by keeping him at a distance. To keep herself from looking stupid, Nicki wants him to "sweat her" (pursue her) to prove to her that he means the things he tells her in private. But, Nicki is just doing this to stall for time. To run out the clock, so Drake gets tired of waiting and moves on. She doesn't really want Drake to pursue her, because if he does, then she'd be forced to examine her feelings for him in a way that would make her more vulnerable to falling in love with him. She continues, "'Cause what happens if I fall in love then you cut me loose?/You just a heartbreaker, won’t let you break mine/'Cause I’ll be smashin' windows and cuttin' them brake line." Nicki imagines herself as one of the women in Drake's life and can't handle the thought of Drake playing with her feelings like he does with other women. She wants to mean more to him but there's this devil on her shoulder whispering doubt into her ear saying things like, "but what if he doesn't really love you?" The pain of a potiental heartbreak would be too much for her to handle. This verse is important because Drake actually references this verse time and time again in the future.

When Drake and Nicki first met she honestly viewed him as a younger brother, and a guy that she got along really well with. Overtime, Drake and Nicki became closer. Drake would make his feelings for her more known as the years went on – practically begging for more access every time he's around her. Slowly.......Nicki's feelings for him start to take a turn. Drake goes from "brother" to "papi". From "I couldn't see myself dating him" to "never say never." I strongly believe that this shift in their relationship occured late 2013 or early 2014. Nicki is more flirtatious, and Drake is much, much more daring.

Verse two starts bitterly with Nicki remembering her past with Safaree and how she feels like she "let that go". "I thought eventually, you would let me go/That was my insecurities and my ego/Missed my jump shot, missed my free throw/Miss the way we kiss, miss the D, yo/Man, it was good while it lasted/That shit wasn’t real, it was magic." By the end of the verse though, Nicki has pushed those memories aside and ends it with a solemn: fuck you. She's done with him.

The bridge for this song is fascinating because it really targets the heart of Nicki's feelings. "I guess this what I gotta do to keep me from fallin', stallin' the truth/Who knew what you’d do if I let you in?." This bridge is all about Nicki feeling the need to protect herself from love. She loves Drake, but he's an unknown entity to her as far as romance goes. From Nicki's point of view, Drake says a lot of sweet things to her but – so do other guys in the industry. Funnily enough, Drake (in his mixtape days) used to call himself Heartbreak Drake. People like to criticize Nicki for not dating Drake sooner, or not giving him a chance sooner but there is vital piece of the puzzle that people are missing. Nicki doesn't date Drake, solely because he means so much more to her than any guy she's ever dated. They have mutual friends, work in the same industry, and have a very strong friendship. My theory is that Nicki dates men beneath her because there is less for her to lose (in a sense). She generally is the breadwinner, has the most star power, and influnce in her relationships; both monetarily and public facing. Losing Safaree hurt her, but their relationship was already wearing thin and toxic anyway. But the idea of losing Drake? Losing Drake would be more than just losing dick, or losing "her comfort". She'd be losing her soulmate, her best friend, and she would have to maneuver around the industry completely different. So while the potential for loving Drake is sky high, in Nicki's mind, the potential to lose him would also be rock bottom.

#aubrey drake graham #drake #nicki minaj #onika tanya maraj #dricki #I Lied #To keep you from breaking my heart #love #heartbreak #yearning

[owls-den]

My obsession with Trip really goes way back huh

Welcome to: Owl exposes their art evolution through their many itterations of Trip from Pokémon Best Wishes!

It all started circa 2011. Unfortunately, only one drawing featuring Trip survived the intense purge of any art from this dark period of my life. All I can tell you is that I also drew in 2011 a full on comic about him and you'll have to believe me on that one.

My very first digital art, in 2013, was also representing Trip with a random OC of mine (I think her name was Evangeline or something to that effect). I actually posted it years ago on a Pokémon Forum. Yeah, didn't get a whole lot of love. It is to note that this one is the SECOND drawing I made digitally of Trip. The first one is most likely still sieging in my father's old laptop. Fun fact, this was drawn on Paint.NET using a mousepad. I also found in a sketchbook another one I drew during this time period, this time with some other characters. It's kinda wild how my artstyle was fluctuating at the time.

I then came back to drawing mostly traditionally. I got a bunch of blank sketchpads in 2014 at an art store and instantly got to work and drew the entire cast of Best Wishes for some odd reason. I also found another one. While it's undated, I'm assuming it's from the same timeperiod because of the artstyle. Gosh I liked drawing twink bodies for men huh? That... contrasts a lot with the amount of JoJo looking characters I like to draw these days.

I found some odd sketches from 2015 here and there. It's mostly a try at a realistic portrait and a sketch I made with ink. I remember being very proud of those two when I first made them. I have no clue who this other character with him is meant to be though. Maybe it's still Evangeline or something. Really goes to show how much I changed my view on dynamics and such I suppose. I called it "Rolling Trainer" cause I am a genius who got way into Vocaloid in middleschool.

Next is 2016. It was lodged in a very short sketchbook I used during an internship. I LOVED oniisuu's art style and tried to do chibis like them a LOT. Also I left in the text so that we can all appreciate the cringe :DD As you can see, I sort of thought my obsession for Trip was just hate for some reason since I really didn't like Best Wishes? Like don't get me wrong, there are a LOT of things wrong with Best Wishes but with age I realized that the reason I was so angry at how it was handled was because I loved the characters and thought they deserved better treatment. So it's kind of funny to look back and see how I just genuinely thought I hated this random minor character when I'd draw him pretty much all the time.

After that, I think I took a pretty big break or just lost most of my art of him because the next I found was in 2019. It has a very self aware note next to one of the drawings and the next one has an ink illustration. We can really see how my proportions improved over the years and how my style became more defined, going more towards "semi-realistic". I personally like the shortcut on the arm. I don't think I used a reference so that makes it pretty nice honestly. Also, as you can see, that's when I started drawing Trip with his hair going a bit up for his fringe. I have NO clue why I've been doing this since recently even though it's NOT in his design but it's there.

I found another art made, I think, in 2020 this time. I had been drawing pokémon falling down for a fabric pattern and just drew every pokémon I liked from each generation, a pretty nifty thing I might show in its entirety as it spans over 10 pages or so, and I drew some trainer characters for each gen. And of course, y'all know who I drew for gen 5. I love how my note next to him is just so tired with living. I also redrew the above illustration with watercolors. Doesn't look great but eh.

I also did a redraw of one of my earlier digital art (2013) this time kinda showcasing what I like to do in term of dynamics these days. So huh prepare thyselves for 17 year olds Trip and Eva.

Buff women. Anyways, I got some small digital sketches for 2021, nothing special I never completed them. I might finish the one on the right because I genuinely like the dynamism behind it, how flowy it is, the perspective and also one of my old hc that his hoody has no sleeves.

And finally, the moment we've all waited for, 2022. I am currently 21 and this monster still has not left my head. He's here to stay so I might as well embrace it and return to my good old brain rot. It kinda all came back when I just doodled him on the back of a receipt as stupid as it is, and really, that's a good summary of the kinda place I usually draw Trip on. He always comes back, unannounced, into my life and I draw him randomly onto any surface available.

I hope you found this dive into my art journey motivational or just funny or something. One thing is sure: I'm not stopping drawing Trip. He's been living rent free in my brain for 11 years, at this point, he's staying, it's too expensive to try to evict him, I tried. So huh, if ya want more Trip content I guess follow my blog??? I'm currently making a sprite replacer for BW to turn the MC into Trip and maybe might do a sprite replacer for BW2 as well (though that'd mean redrawing all the costumes at Pokéwood... UUGHHGHGHGHHSDGHDFJSDGfyzeggf) and I also like to shitpost about him and write stupid fanfics about him sometimes so don't hesitate. I'll see you all later, take care of yourselves!!

#art #art journey #sketchbook #sketchbook tour #sketchbook flip through #Pokemon Best Wishes #pokemon best wishes #pokemon fanart #pkmn #pokemon #Trip #Shooti #Shooty #Pokemon Anime #Traditional Art #Digital Art #art motivation #Ok I might be obsessed #living rent free in my head #I wish I could evict him #pokemon trainer #pkmnart #pokeart #rival trip #owl does art

[pr1ncemax]

i realized i never posted Bo’s timeline here and like ,,,, all my jwcc moots are on here so idk why i never did that but 

anyway

here it is in all its glory: 

Bo’s Official Timeline

Warning, MAJOR Spoilers Ahead for the entire Jurassic Park/World Series ( All 6 movies + 5 seasons of the TV show + minor mentions of other canon material )

Below is Bo’s canon timeline (JP/W incidents included) 

1971: Bo’s father is born

1989: Bo’s father begins work at InGen

1993: The Jurassic Park incident 

1995: Ian Malcolm goes public

1997: San Diego Incident

1998: Bo’s Mother is transferred from Masrani technology to InGen’s department

1999: Bo is born

2001: Eric Kirby Rescue

2003: Bo’s parents get married

2005: Bo starts elementary school.

2008:  Bo confides in his father about his feelings towards his gender. He decides not to tell his mother yet, but has begun to socially transition anyway.

2010: Bo starts middle school. 

2011: Bo comes out as trans to his mother.

2012: The I.B.R.I.S. project begins. Bo’s parents begin to argue almost daily. 

2013: Bo starts Highschool

2014: Bo’s legal name is changed, despite his mother’s protest.

January 2015: Bo goes through top surgery, and enters recovery. 

April 2015: Bo’s father officially files for divorce, but it is a contested by Bo’s mom

October 2015: Bo’s Mother is offered a full time position on Isla Nublar, and she leaves their home in California

November 2015: Bo’s father quiets his job with InGen, and makes Bo download a bunch of apps. Bo thinks his dad is being paranoid, and throws them into a folder on his phone that he never opens

Dec 13, 2017: Bo’s father informs him they’re going to be joining his mother for a vacation over winter break. Bo’s father also gifts Bo a few items, including a solar powered charger. He tells Bo that they’ll be leaving Jurassic World as soon as they can, and if it was up to him they wouldn’t be going at all. (Bo believes this is due to His mom being transphobic, and mildly racist, but really it’s due to his father’s knowledge due to his job at InGen )

Dec 15, 2015: Bo and his dad join his mother on Isla Nublar for a family vacation

Dec 22, 2015: Bo gets into a fight with his mother, and by extension his father. He steals his mother’s access card, and goes into the Restricted Area of the island. The 2015 Incident occurs. Bo gets… into a lot of trouble basically lol and ends up passing out in a ditch.

Dec 23, 2015: Bo wakes up, being attacked by a compy. He kicks it, before stomping on its leg. He proceeds to do his best to take care of his injury, before his guilt causes him to take care of the compy as well.

Dec 24-31, 2015: Bo spends the time cleaning his wound, going between sleeping and healthcare of him and the compy.

Jan-March 2015: Bo is surviving with the compys. Manages to escape E750 Multiple times, barely. Also has a few encounters with Blue, the raptor, although they have more amicable encounters. Also during this time, Bo encounters many dead bodies, as well as finding a wrecked campsite. Here he discovers a rotting dinosaur head, realizing that if he does find people, they’re likely to be poachers before there are rescue teams.

Jan-March 2015: Bo’s mother moves to New York, and his father moves back to Arizona to be closer to his family.

June 2016: Bo tries to approach the unmarked helicopters for help, but instead has guns pointed at him. He runs away after this, solidifying what he already believed: No one good comes to Isla Nublar.

July-December 2016: Bo has a few almost run-ins. He sees helicopters, and hears people a few times. Each time, he scopes it out before approaching. He sees what appears to be people experimenting on dinosaurs, and quickly realizes that they will not be of help to him. It’s more likely that they’d kill him first.

With this, Bo resigns himself to live on the island with the dinosaurs, and also begins to formulate better ways of communication with Arrow. He also begins to fill his time with study of the other species, and attempts to befriend them the way he did the compys. The easier to befriend are species that are similar; such as the Gallimimus. To a lesser extent, even the other Theropods can be communicated with, and reasoned with through Arrow, as Bo found out by dealing with Rexy, Blue, the Dilophosaurus, the Baryonyx, and to some extent, even the Allosaurus and Ceratosaurus

Bo actually creates enough of a relationship with these creatures that he can easily pass through their territory, simply by tossing them a snack or two on his way through. He also begins to record and use the vocalizations of Arrow to communicate with the other dinosaur species.

February 2017: Mount Sibo is classified as Active. Meaning: earthquakes are happening often. Bo is aware of the sudden change of the island, and does his best to keep himself and his pack safe. Although, he ran into many issues, and typically they ended up living in the ruins of Main Street, coexisting with Rexy.

March 2017: Claire forms the Dinosaur protection group. Bo’s father gets in contact with Darius Bowman, as well as Benjamin Pincus. 

June 2017: a group of researchers are deployed to the island, to observe from a distance and see how the active volcano is effecting life of the dinosaurs. It is during this that they film what appears to be a human running alongside a pack of Gallimimus, this video is posted online and goes viral, Brooklyn is one of the people who help it to go viral. This leads to further investigation, and causes public outrage. Specifically outrage at InGen, Masrani Corp, and BioSyn. BioSyn specifically gets a large chunk of the public outcry due to them having sent teams to the island for “research purposes”

July 2017: A specific BioSyn rescue team is dispatched, along with rescue teams from the American Military and Bo is finally saved from the island. Although, there is a major complication in that he refuses to leave behind his compy. Refusing to get onto any recuse helicopter without her. When he arrives in Costa Rica, the government refuses to let him take the dinosaur, and the American Government also refuse to accept it, causing a massive standstill in what was quickly becoming International news. Ian Malcolm ends up being called due to the situation, and he tries to convince Bo to leave the dinosaur behind. Bo, instead, manages to convince Ian Malcolm to be on his side in this argument, stating that, he knows he can not control Arrow, and that he did not want to anyhow. He wanted to give her a life, where she was allowed to exist. It was not her fault she was created, anymore than it was Ian’s fault that Jurassic Park failed. Ian ends up advocating for Bo, and taking him under his wing to a certain extent.

August 2017: Bo is reunited with his father, his mother not showing up, claiming that “my daughter is dead, and she should have stayed dead”

September 2017: Mount Sibo is classified as a active threat

June 2018: Bo is being rehabilitated, going through school, and travels giving basically TED-Talks on dinosaur behavior. He is in touch with the Nublar Six, and considers them friends. He also has weekly communication with Ian Malcolm and Ellie Sattler, both who help him with his trauma from Nublar along with his therapist

June 2018, The Outbreak in California happens.

After June 2018-2022: Bo is very desensitized to dinosaurs over all, and is known for his communication projects. Although, he doesn’t have any real standings in the scientific community since he barely graduated high school, however, a select group of minds often check in with him: Ian Malcolm, Mae Turner, Ellie Sattler, and others who work closely with them. This also spikes interest in BioSyn and other biological companies, however. Basically, Bo is working on furthering his study of and communication with Arrow, and other dinosaurs. He is in touch with Ben Pincus, as well as Doctor Mae Turner, who he often exchanges notes with. 

2021: Sometime early in the year, Bo is approached by Lewis Dodgson to work with BioSyn in an attempt to recapture Rexy, and makes a poor attempt to placate with Bo’s activism. Bo actively lashes out at both of these, and actually almost gets arrested from punching Dodgson, and giving him a black eye. Dodgson decides not to press charges after this incident leads to him being in direct contact with Ian Malcolm. But this does get Bo banned from BioSyn facilities for life. (He doesn’t mind.)

Post 2022: Bo’s biggest project after the events of movie three, (and the downfall of yet another company, as well as the almost famine), is speaking alongside Darius Bowman. While Darius speaks about living with dinosaurs now that they’ve been forced into our world, Bo talks about how companies like InGen, Mantah Corp, and BioSyn not only caused the dinosaur issue, but actively displaced native populations, and destroyed ecosystems and that yes, by creating dinosaurs, we’ve played god, but humans were playing God long before that and that we as a species need to learn how to coexist. Not just with dinosaurs, but with each other too. (Bo also continues working and exchanging notes with Ben Pincus and Mae Turner, although he less vocal about his work on communicating with dinosaurs)

#text post; #bo tyne; #my ocs; #my oc #jwcc oc #jurassic park oc #jp oc #jw oc #jurassic world #timeline #jwcc #jwcc; #jurassic park #jp;

[alexalily]

I've had a couple story ideas lately that both start off as the usual cute fluff that I think up and then at some point transition into some kind of horror movie. These ideas are free to a good home aka I’m unlikely to actually write them so feel free to take these ideas and do whatever you want with them. If you do end up doing that please let me know because I would love to read what you write!!

The first one is, well, I was going to say "inspired by" the movie Willow Creek (2013) but as I typed this out I realized it's more or less a full ripoff of that (lmao).  Renee   is a cryptid seeker/hunter/believer and Anita is her very supportive (albeit non-believing) girlfriend. At some point,  Renee   plans out a whole trip to go searching for something/someone (Mothman or Sasquatch or whatever) and Anita agrees to go with her because she doesn't want her not-very-outdoorsy girlfriend going out into the middle of some random woods for several days on her own. From there, it's just a lot of cute relaxing hiking moments. Getting to the top of some trail, looking out across a valley, Renee saying something like "wow, look at the beautiful view" and Anita says "yeah, it is" but she isn't looking at nature, she's looking at Renee. Renee gets caught in some branches or briars or whatever and Anita has to help her get unstuck. But in doing so, Renee takes a branch to the face. Anita kisses it to make it better. Stuff like that, y'know?

That night, they set up camp but start hearing noises. Renee gets spooked thinking it's wild animals or a cryptid or hunters or cultists or who knows what. Anita assumes it's either some animals that'd be more afraid of them than they are of it or it's some locals from the nearby small town fucking with them. But as the night carries on, the noises continue and Anita gets less and less sure about what she's hearing. Renee is way too scared to sleep at this point. I'm not entirely sure where it goes from there, though. Spoilers for Willow Creek but, uh, it goes real bad for those two. And I'm not sure I'd want to put Voidstrike through that. So, maybe it's a tense rush through the forest in the middle of the night as the eerie noises chase them. They get to Anita's truck but it's been smashes or the tires or slashed or it's in some way undriveable so they just have to keep running. Suddenly Renee is thankful that Anita forced her to wake up early to go running with her with some frequency.

The next day they either rent a car or find someone willing to take them back out to Anita's truck and it's absolutely trashed. Anita is heartbroken but Renee is excited because she takes it as undeniable proof that they cryptid they were looking for is absolutely real.

This second one a little bit inspired by Kristy (2014) but mostly inspired by The Rental (2020). I initially wrote this out as a series of tweets but after like 20 tweets I decided it was Too Long to post to twitter and just threw it in a text file and told myself I would definitely flesh it out and write a proper fic of it and haha no I’m not doing that. I’m also not reformatting/retyping this so it’s mostly in 280 character chunks, please enjoy.

College AU Voidstrike where they're roommates. Renee was going stay on campus over break but Anita convinced her to come home with her instead. Renee said it'd be weird to spend the long weekend with someone else's family but Anita says it'd just be the two of them..

Jackson is spending the holiday with his gf's family and her parents decided it'd be a good time for them to go on that cruise they always wanted to go on. So Anita convinces Renee to come with to keep her company cause it's a big house and she'd be lonely on her own.

Important to note: this is all before they're officially dating. Everyone else considers them a couple but they both deny it. Renee is oblivious and thinks Anita isn't even interested in her. Anita isn't sure about Renee's feelings but keeps saying she's gonna shoot her shot soon

They make the drive out to Anita's parents' place. Renee had no idea how well off her parents were, to afford a sleek modern house out in the woods near a lake with barely any neighbors for miles. Anita laughs it off- they only started living it up after she and Jackson moved out

Growing up, she thought they were doing okay but just kinda getting by. Turns out they were saving it for college and vacations. Less than a week after Anita moved out her childhood home into her dorm room, her parents announced they were moving to this new fancy place lmao

Once they get there, Anita has to call Loba and Kairi back. She didn't want to answer the phone while driving but they apparently didn't get the message. Of course all they wanted was to tease her about how this was a setup for her to make a move

"It's not even like that!" she insists. They laugh at her because she's such a terrible liar. She hangs up with them once Renee comes back down stairs from carrying her bag into the guest room. "What did they want?" "Nothing, they just wanted to say hey"

Next, Anita suggests a movie. Renee says she might fall asleep during it. It was a long drive and she's exhausted. Renee cuddling up close to Anita isn't unheard of. She does it every time they watch something in their dorm But that's on a lil futon and not on this giant couch

Renee was right and she falls asleep on Anita's shoulder halfway thru. After a bit, she stirs awake, moves to rest her head on Anita's lap instead, and goes back to sleep. Anita texts Loba and Kairi in a gay panic. "She's too fkin cute! What the hell!"

The movie ends and Anita stays in place for a while but she can't sleep like this so she carefully slides out from under Renee and switches her thigh for a pillow. She gets some blankets for Renee and tucks her in. She considers a good night kiss but decides that'd be a bit much

Anita is careful to be quiet as she goes up to her room (aka the room she's been told is hers even though this is only her 2nd or 3rd time even staying in this house). Just as she's getting in bed, she hears something? A thump? New house. It's probably nothing. The wind.

It bugs her though, so she goes back downstairs just to check everything out. She freezes when she enters the living room, as does the person trying to drag Renee away. Renee tries to scream but a big gloved hand muffles the sound.

Anita takes a step forward but the intruder raises a long kitchen knife at her. Anita freezes again. Her parents insisted on some self defense classes but she doesn't need that to know not to rush someone with a knife.

While the intruder is focused on Anita, Renee takes the opportunity to stomp on a foot and bite the hand over her mouth. It tastes leathery and bad but it makes them flinch enough that she can slide out of their grasp. She stumbles forward, over the couch, and into Anita's arms.

Together, they rush upstairs and into Anita's room. The door doesn’t have a lock so they shove the dresser in front of it and hope that'll be good enough. "Where's your phone?" Renee asks. "In the kitchen. I had to charge it after I called Loba. What about yours?"

Renee pulls hers out of her pocket but explains that hers doesn't get service out here. (Anita suddenly realizes why her parents insisted on a new phone & plan/carrier for the new school year). Renee figured she'd be fine without it for a few days.

The intruder is pounding on the door now. After two strong hits they realize it won't be long before they break the door down.

This was the part where I stopped writing it because I wasn’t sure where to go with it (and also had other obligations to take care of and then never got around to writing more of this). I was thinking that they’d climb out the window and onto the roof. Anita jumps across to a tree and tries to climb down without just plummeting to the ground. But Renee is too scared to jump. Instead she moves across the roof and goes back in the window to the guest room she was staying in (she opened it earlier when she put her bags away, to let the room air out or something). And then... I dunno. They don’t die, I know that much. They get away and are closer than ever. Maybe they catch and/or kill the intruder, I didn’t really think that part through.

I think I’ll be doing posts like this relatively frequently as I work through my old WIPs folder that has been collecting dust for over a year now. I figure if I’m not doing anything with these ideas, I may as well throw them out there and see if anyone else wants to do anything with them. Or, if nothing else, maybe just reading the ideas will bring some people some momentary joy, y’know?

#voidstrike #fic ideas free to a good home

[excusethequality]

My 2023 in Film

Part 2:

51-100

You would think at 100 we would be getting close to the finish line for this list. But you'd be wrong, my friends! We've only just begun.

So strap in (or scroll on).

Link to Part 1

* = rewatched

[++] = I loved it [+] = I liked it [=] = I am indifferent about it [-] = Not my thing [--] = I hate it

Click on the list number to get a trailer for it.

51.

Closed Circuit (2013) ---Crime Mystery Drama

A pair of lawyers are tasked with heading the defense for a man said to be responsible for a terrorist attack. But they soon learn that there is something deeply sinister lurking behind this case and bringing it out into the light may just cost them their lives. [=]

52.

Relic (2020) ---Horror Drama

A woman must go back home to take care of her mother who is experiencing increasingly serious signs of dementia. But while struggling to come to terms with her mother's condition she begins to wonder if the cause is really that simple or if something sinister is at work in this house. [+]

53.

The Quiet Girl (2022) ---Drama

A young girl from a troubled home in Ireland is sent to live with her aunt and uncle on their farm while her mother prepares to have another baby. But in this new place she learns what it means to be truly free and truly loved. [+]

54.

Pusher (1996) ---Crime

When a drug dealer's drug deal goes south he must scramble to come up with the money he lost before his boss makes an example of him. [+]

55.

Hanna (2011) * ---Coming-of-Age Action Adventure

A girl lives with her father in the wilderness and is taught how to survive in a dangerous world. But in order to be free and to truly experience the world, they must first stop those that seek to use her as a weapon. [++]

56.

Bodies Bodies Bodies (2022) ---Horror Comedy

A group of friends go for a weekend cabin getaway. But when one of them winds up dead everyone becomes a suspect. [-]

57.

The Rundown (2003) ---Action Adventure

A man is sent to the jungle to bring back a mobster's son. But things are going to get a lot harder when the man doesn't want to come back until he's tracked down the treasure he's been hunting. [=]

58.

Come to Daddy (2019) ---Thriller Horror Comedy

A man tries to reunite with his estranged father only to find out that the experience is not at all what he was expecting. [=]

59.

INU-OH (2021) ---Animated Queer Fantasy Rock-Musical Revenge Tale

A blind musician and a cursed dancer meet by chance and form a band that seeks to tell the stories of those that history wants to forget. But their mission soon pits the pair against a government who wants to silence them forever. [++]

60.

Sicario (2015) ---Crime Thriller

An FBI agent is recruited to help with a joint task force to aide in the drug war along the US/Mexico border. Unfortunately for her Ethics and Morals were definitely not invited to join the force. [-]

61.

Birdman or (the Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance) (2014) ---Drama Comedy

An aging former movie star is attempting to make his theatrical debut, but his attempts at rebuilding his life and career are forever at odds with his desire for fame and fortune. [=]

62.

Never Been Kissed (1999) ---Rom-Com

A former high school outcast and current adult journalist infiltrates a high school by posing as a student in order to get a scoop. [=]

63.

Rudy (1993) ---Sports Drama

A young man dreams of playing college football for Notre Dame to impress his father and refuses to let his lack of physical aptitude get in the way of his dreams. [=]

64.

School of Rock (2003) * ---Comedy

A down-on-his-luck rocker pretends to be his roommate in order to get a job as a substitute teacher at a prestigious private school. But his mission for money soon turns into a mission of Rock when he learns the kids in his class are talented musicians. [+]

65.

Brotherhood of the Wolf (2001) ---Action Adventure Horror

During the French revolution a naturalist of the king and his Iroquois companion are sent to investigate the mysterious killings in the Gévaudan area. [-]

66.

Dante's Peak (1997) ---Natural Disaster Action Adventure

A volcanologist is sent to investigate some strange readings in a small town. But he soon begins to suspect that an unprecedented eruption is imminent. [+]

67.

Smoking Causes Coughing (2022) ---Surrealist Sci-fi Comedy?

A band of French Power Ranger-style heroes called the Tobacco Force are forced to go on team-building retreat. [=]

68.

Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975) * ---Comedy Adventure

King Arthur and his knights of the round table are on a quest to find the holy grail. [+]

69.

The Wicker Man (1973) ---Folk Horror Mystery

A detective is sent to a small island town to investigate a report of a missing child. But he soon learns that something is afoot here and he might be in danger. [+]

70.

Possessor (2020) ---Sci-fi Horror Thriller

A secret organization uses a new technology to link their minds to a target's in order to perform untraceable assassinations. The process is not without risk, however, and the longer they stay in the target's body the higher the risk of the two minds beginning to meld together. [+]

71.

Tombstone (1993) ---Western

A former lawman is planning to retire to Tombstone, Arizona with his brothers. But a run-in with an outlaw gang is going to force his hand and postpone retirement for a little bit. [+]

72.

Witchfinder General (1968) ---Folk Horror

A family must struggle to survive when a corrupt witchfinder sets his sights on them. [=]

73.

The Birdcage (1996) * ---Queer comedy

A queer couple who own a drag club must pretend to be straight in order to try and impress the conservative family of their son's new fiancee. [+]

74.

Gattaca (1997) * ---Sci-Fi Drama

In a future where the genetics of babies can be tailored before birth, those created the old-fashioned way are marginalized. In order to fight against the fate of his birth a janitor teams up with a down-on-his-luck member of the upper class in order to live his dream. [++]

75.

Road Games (1981) ---Road Trip Thriller

A truck driver in Australia begins to suspect that the driver of a green van he keeps encountering has been murdering women along the way. [=]

76.

Jesus Christ Superstar (1973) ---Rock Opera

A movie adaptation of the 70s rock opera about the final days of the life of Jesus of Nazareth. [-]

77.

Sputnik (2020) ---Sci-Fi Horror

A Russian psychiatrist is sent to investigate the mental state of an cosmonaut who has returned from a space mission with a dangerous stowaway inside of him. [=]

78.

She Dies Tomorrow (2020) ---Sci-Fi Horror

A woman suddenly becomes convinced that she will die tomorrow. But trouble is soon to follow when the idea starts infecting others as well. [-]

79.

Girl Asleep (2015) ---Coming-of-Age Fantasy Comedy

A 15 year old girl finds herself lost between childhood and adulthood in a world where nothing is stable and imagination is running wild. [+]

80.

The Rental (2020) ---Horror

A group of friends rent an airbnb. Unfortunately the reviews didn't mention anything about the place being rigged with hidden cameras and ill intentions. [=]

81.

Paddington (2014) ---Children's Adventure

A marmalade loving bear journeys from Peru to England in search of a home. A British family takes pity on him and agrees to aide him in his search. [+]

82.

West Side Story (2021) ---Musical

The remake of the 1961 movie which was based on the 1957 Broadway musical which was an adaptation of William Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet. [--]

83.

Rat Race (2001) * ---Comedy Adventure

A group of people from a Las Vegas casino are chosen at random to participate in a race for two million dollars and the amusement of eccentric rich people. [+]

84.

Return to Seoul (2022) ---Drama

A French woman finds herself in Korea and decides to try and find her birth parents. [-]

85.

INU-OH (2021) *

See #59

86.

Stone Turtle (2022) ---Magical-Realism Folk Tale

A looping Malaysian folk tale about a woman, a daughter, vengeance, guilt, and turtle eggs. [=]

87.

Hot Rod (2007) * ---Comedy

A wannabe stuntman tries to arrange a massive stunt in order to raise the money needed to save his ailing stepfather. [++]

88.

Isolation (2005) ---Horror

A genetic experiment to create faster growing cattle goes horribly wrong on a remote Irish farm. [=]

89.

Fire Island (2022) ---Queer Romance

A group of queer friends are traveling to an Island for the annual queer party that's held there in this adaptation of Pride and Prejudice. [=]

90.

Antiviral (2012) ---Sci-Fi Horror

In the future genetic technology will allow fans to do everything from eat cloned meat of their favorite celebrities to being injected with the exact strains of diseases they've had—for the right price. But when one of the workers at a celebrity contagion clinic infects himself with unknown strain from the world's hottest starlet he will soon come to regret that decision in more ways than one. [+]

91.

West Side Story (1961) * ---Musical

A pair of star-crossed lovers in 1950s NYC inadvertently set off a gang war. [+]

92.

The Girl with All the Gifts (2016) ---YA Horror

After a zombie outbreak destroys the world as we know it, scientists at a military compound work with a group of intelligent zombie children to try and find the cure. [=]

93.

Kal Ho Naa Ho (2003) * ---Bollywood Musical Romance

A magical pixie dream man comes to town and works to repair the broken relationships of the family next door. [+]

94.

Bloody Muscle Body Builder in Hell (1995) ---Indie Horror

A low-budget Japanese love letter to the Evil Dead movies. [=]

95.

A Cry in the Dark (1988) ---Drama Biopic

A biopic about the famous Australian case of a family that claimed a dingo ate their baby daughter while on a road trip and the world that didn't believe them. [+]

96.

Evil Dead Rise (2023) ---Horror

Hey...it's The Evil Dead...but it's in an apartment complex now...'ey it's the modern day too. Look at this modern stuff, that's cool, right? [--]

97.

Pulse (2001) ---Horror Mystery

The internet is haunted with ghosts. [+]

98.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.3 (2023) ---Superhero Space Adventure

The Guardians need to solve the mystery of Rocket's past in order to save his life. [=]

99.

Venom: Let There Be Carnage (2021) ---Superhero Sequel

When Eddie Brock and Venom accidentally get a serial killer infected with their symbiote baby it's up to them to set things right. [-]

100.

Pearl (2022) ---Horror

A young woman in 1918 dreams of getting away from the oppression and loneliness of her life. But the combination of desperation and trauma can lead a person to break in the most peculiar ways. [+]

#xcusethequality

[overlordchris]

TMI Diary Time

I don’t know how to do the “read more” on mobile. But who cares. If don’t care, keep scrollin.

So, I just need a place to vent. Thank you Tumblr for alway being there for this purpose I suppose. I am (surprise surprise) unhappy. Some, or most likely 95% of it is related to the depression, which I’ve had for more than half my life at this point. I hate that. But I don’t know, I feel like a unique sort of sadness as of late that I’m not sure I’ve ever felt before. What it comes down to as far as my theory goes, it’s related to gender. Now I’ve lived the boy/man gender my whole life. I did so cause, ya know, I didn’t have a choice, as far as society was concerned. But I’ve known for my entire conscious life that something about that just didn’t click as “right” inside my head. I never really talked about it with others cause I had many times as a child been ridiculed for liking and doing things that fell out of the norm of the gender binary. From playing with dolls with my cousin to then be yelled at by my dad about it, to watching sailor moon and then being teased by my older brother for watching a girl show, I had to consciously play the masculine part or face ridicule.

Fast forward to my adult years where I first learned about Trans identity. Like really learned about it. What I mean by this is that I was aware of trans people as existing since childhood, but like, I had never really given it much thought as to what being trans meant, the experience, the community, the struggles, and nor did I really ever think about gender as being a construct instead of just as the status quo, ya know? I wasn’t trans, and still not as I did not desire to be a woman, but I had a deep uncomfortableness with people referring to me as “man”. I did not know why then, and I still don’t even fully know today. Like even just writing the word in reference to me as this is being written just really feels uncomfortable and I truly can’t say why other than it just doesn’t feel right. But by this point in my life, my mid 20s, the years of trying to live up to the “man” standard had made me feel like I had to defend it somehow when anything challenged it.

So here comes a cringe story about how this both manifested, and how it opened my eyes. It all started with Tumbler (coming full circle here) when in I believe in 2013 (or 2014, but I think it’s 2013) first encountered a Tumblr account that was ran by a trans boy (not like a child, but what they referred to themselves as). I followed the account for the usual reasons, memes, shitposts, etc. but one thing I quickly started to notice was the like tons of anon hate specifically targeting the fact that this person with breasts and feminine facial features called himself a boy. At first I thought, this is weird, I don’t understand why either side was so intense in their posts defending their points of view. Being me, this prompted me to dig deeper to learn more about the person behind this account, and I of course discovered the anon hate went back a long way. It had seemed there were times they would turn off anons, but then turn them back on further along in their timeline (which I don’t understand why they would turn it back on when obviously nothing good was coming from it). The moments they turned anons back on were filled with a lot of snarky/humorous replies deliberately poking fun at those trying to discredit the account holder’s gender, however that slowly turned into having more of a negative effect on their mental health, turning anon back off for a bit, and repeat.

So, how does this all relate to me? Well I had originally sided with the anon haters cause I had felt the snarky/humorous replies were in a way making light of something that I had to defend my whole life. I was ridiculed for not being “man” enough for years and this person was just casually throwing it out there like it’s something anyone could just claim. This had made me a bit angry actually because to me, being a “boy” meant MY experience growing up. How dare this person choose to be what I had always thought I had to prove to be?

If you haven’t connected the dots yet, yes, I took something that had nothing to actually do with me personally. Thankfully though I didn’t stay angry for long. I had turned to others to discuss this whole thing to get their ideas, and research articles by those from the trans community. The most important piece of information however came by way of an anon ask I had submitted to a Tumblr (keeps coming full circle!) ran by someone who had a close relationship with the topic, and had a masters in psychology. So what was this eye opening explanation that showed me the pointlessness of my anger? Well they shared with me that not everyone had the same experiences when growing up. On paper, yeah, no duh, right? But all it took was those words to make me take a moment to think about my experience and truly analyze it. I was coming from a very self centered place that had blinded me to seeing the larger picture. People be different. While there may be certain patterns in terms of behavior and responses humans display, I fundamentally believe that we are all genuinely unique, as far as brains go at the very least. Can people be similar? Of course. But there are just way too many variables that shape all of us that no two brains are ever the same. How I was raised, my life experiences, my brain’s development and subsequent interpretations all led to me being the me I am. That is something I truly believe. My experience with gender pressure and conformity was MY issue and it would be foolish to think that my life experience was the same experience as everyone else.

Coming to this realization it would still be like 7 or 8 years before I’d come to the conclusion that is today, but I was starting to understand the core issues and struggles that the Trans community was facing. I also began to understand the notion of gender being a social construct, and starting to question why it matted in the first place.

Now, fast forward to closer to today. Not quite to today today, but we’re almost there, trust me. So, about a year ago, October of 2021 to be more precise, my bestie wanted to get in shape and wanted me to accompany him to a gym for this process. Now that whole thing imploded, but that’s entirely a different story for maybe a different time. But one chilly evening we end up at a 24 hour fitness (which are no longer 24 hours…) because the main thing my friend wanted was to join a gym that is open very early in the AM. Like 3am more or less. The long story short here is we signed up for like a guest pass cause the guy at the gym was very insistent we do so. I gave a fake email and phone number during the sign up, but on the sheet under gender there were 3 bubbles. Man, Woman, and Non-Binary. I figured none of this mattered cause there was no way I was ever going back to this place to begin with, so I filled in Non-Binary since just about everything else I had already filled out was fake. But turns out not all of it was fake.

We continued driving around that night, looking for other potential gyms, but the rest of that evening I could not seem to get that application out of my mind. Non-Binary. Something about filling in that bubble just felt so right. I had never before thought of myself as being anything but a man, even though I hated that label and never really thought of myself as such internally. But I never did think I could be anything else. That concept just never entered my mind. However, that one dumb little moment of filling out that bubble had been the first time I had ever considered a label that wasn’t what people told me I had to be.

Originally I had leaned into one of the sub identities under the non-binary umbrella; agendered. Which is to say, without gender. Which is more or less to say I don’t care what others may think my gender is. That was what I always wanted to be growing up. Not a man or woman, just weird little old me. And truth be told I still wish that. But that brings me to what this whole venting session was originally to be about. Turns out I do care. I have the tendency to say things like, “kind of”, or “sort of” when it comes to me explaining things about myself, but this is a pretty big definitive “I do” moment. You see, I don’t want to go back. I don’t want to be expected to live in a box or be faced with abandonment and ridicule. I’ve had a taste of understanding, a feeling like I figured out a puzzle after years of working on it. I don’t want to go back.

But, let’s face it, I have biological masculine features. I present as male cause my genetic makeup shaped me to look the way I do, and this look pushes me inside the “Man” box. I’ve lived with following this path for over 30 years, and I don’t quite feel like doing anything drastic to change myself. Gender presentation does not determine someone’s gender identity, or least that’s the hope. However, the truth is for the vast majority of people is that it does, because it’s all they’ve ever known. Is there progress being made on this? Of course. I wouldn’t be here calling myself non-binary if we as a society were still stuck in the same way of thinking as say 15 or 20 years ago. But I’m not going to pretend that if I talked with 100 strangers about being non-binary, most would have any idea what I’d be talking about. This also applies to my entire family, which is why I don’t think I’d ever “come out” to them. I don’t think they’d understand at best, and at worst would probably ridicule me.

As of late, being referred to as a man has just been bothering me more and more. I think it’s related to it feeling regressive. Like I’m in a way being told to go back into the confusing box I had lived in my whole life. Where this is showing up and causing the most mental anguish is with a TTRPG group I play with currently. They are nice and enjoy most of their company (though I’m pretty sure 1 of them doesn’t care for me, but again, that’s another story), and for the most part they have pretty modern views about things. So gender issues are known, and respected amongst everyone more or less. Though, not so much with me which is the problem.

The one in this group who doesn’t like me is she/they and a lot of the time she will play non-binary characters. I will say that things between us initially were ok, and I don’t think they’re actively trying to hurt me in anyway currently either. But while they ask people to follow the pronouns of their characters, be they he/him, she/her, or they/them, everyone does so. Now I’ve had 3 separate characters I’ve played this last year that were specifically introduced as being non-binary. But every time I’d play these characters they would be referred to as he/him, or in my most recent case, she/her. This is all despite the fact that I only refer to them as they/them when describing what they do.

I know I know, it seems like a trivial thing to get upset with, but I liken it to a rock in a shoe. It’s a minor annoyance, yes, but the longer it’s in there the greater that annoyance becomes.

I don’t like the sort of invalidation I get out of game either. While I’ve not explicitly come out and said it, I don’t refer to myself in gendered terms. I’ve also included both the agender and non-binary flags as avatars and no one has bothered to ask or clarify things. I guess I can’t just expect everyone to ask or pick up on context clues. Again, everyone’s different. But I would hope that people I call friends would, you know, at least pick up on when I’m not feeling comfortable. Unfortunately I can’t bring myself to just say something, cause it’s honestly something I’m still pretty embarrassed and scared to admit. As to why that is, see all thee above.

And here we are today. I don’t really know what to do because it’s not as easy as just speaking up. If it was, then things like stage fright or public speaking anxiety wouldn’t exist in my life. So yeah, I’m not quite sure what next steps I can take. I hope something changes but I don’t know how or when they will. I mean I haven’t even touched the imposter syndrome aspect I feel about of all this, but that is also a massive road block for me. All I know is that I’ve noticed my depression taking a turn for the worse again and I know this is a definite contributor.

#tags for blacklists #depression #gender