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fureliselost · 3 years

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Yo, I've been thinking about Danny's grades. Because, like, most of the DP fandom writes ff with Danny being one bad grade from flunking out 'cause he can't fight ghosts and keep up with the school work.

But, like, is that really accurate tho? (And let me make it clear that I've only watched DP once and that was in Feb, so I could have some information missing here)

Cuz on the very first ep Lancer tells Danny he has basically nothing bad on his record (whereas Tucker had some transgressions).

And I can only remember Danny's grades being mentioned 5 times in the entire show (on One Of A Kind, Teacher Of The Year, What You Want (?), TUE, and, obviously, Mystery Meat — there is Vlad's mentions of Danny's grades and Danny's dream in Frightmare, but I'm not considering those).

On One of a Kind, he gets a D in his biology — which, from the way he said it, it sounded like he never got a grade that low — but he managed to raise his grade.

On Teacher of the Year, he fails his English (?) exam — not because he was occupied with a ghost, but because he was obsessed with playing Doom (let's also remember that, on One of a Kind, Tucker literally says Danny's problem was time management) — but then he was able to retake the test and got a 91%.

On What You Want, he mentions he's a C student.

And, well, everyone knows what happened in TUE: Danny says he isn't prepared for the CAT 'cuz he didn't get to study throughout the year because of ghost fighting (which IG is where the whole fanfic thing comes from).

But, like, was Danny actually not able to study because of ghosts? Because I can't actually think of a time where he was actually stopped from getting his homework done by a ghost fight.

But you know what does come up in my mind when I think of all of that? "Poor time management skills"... Oh, wait, that's already Canon!

Before I get into the time management skills, lemme bring up again Vlad's comments, Danny's A grade on his dream on Frightmare, and Danny's comment on What You Want (as well as what he said in TUE).

Guys, the educational system sucks. In 2004 it was worse. Teachers also suck in that respect (do I need to explain that I don't hate all teachers, only the sucky ones?).

There are teachers who humiliate you in front of the class for having a question they believe you shouldn't have, I'm pretty sure everyone has been in that situation or knows someone who has. Some teachers shame you every time you get a bad grade instead of offering solutions — that affects people, it doesn't even have to be that explicit.

I spent 'till my senior year of highschool thinking I was a terrible student (because teachers told me I was every time I got a bad grade). That only changed when I was calculating my GPA to see which colleges I had a shot at: my GPA was 3.6/4

Now, take Mr Daniel Fenton. Youngest son of a family of geniuses. His older sister got the highest ever CAT grade and writes Theses for funsies. His parents not only where accepted to appear on genius magazine (Jazz may have done the application for Maddie, but she wouldn't lie on it knowing that they would do at least some fact chacking — meaning that she probably picked accomplishments of Maddie's and used only the ones she approved of, meaning that they had accomplishments other than the ghost related ones) but they also built a freaking portal to another dimension.

Not to mention that Tucker is a top notch hacker and doesn't get good grades because he doesn't want to (which doesn't matter because he changes them anyway) and that Sam never shows any concern towards her grades and, being from a rich family, she probably has to get good grades.

Take Danny, who wants to be an astronaut — the literal hardest job to get on the face of the Earth, which also requires a degree in the STEM area (which Danny is admittedly not the best at). Now put him in a place where his grades dropped a little — Maddie, his mother, literally told him he had to get good grades because "Fentons get As" or whatever.

Is it that hard to think that a lot of Danny saying his grades are so terrible and he's not prepared for the tests is because that's just how low he thinks of himself academically?

Lemme get back to the time management skills.

So I've already established that the educational system sucks and it wasn't any better in 2004.

It was even worse at recognizing and dealing with neurodivergent kids.

And I'm pretty sure that, like, 70% of the fandom sees Danny as Neurodivergent-coded — autism, ADHD, anxiety, depression, etc.

The thing with being neurodivergent is that sometimes ND people suck at some executive functions/have executive dysfunctions.

Do you know what is an executive function? Time management skills.

When it comes to studying, I personally have a lot of trouble with distractions and getting myself to start the assignment. That problem is usually solved if I have someone to do it with me — and by that I mean that the person usually just sits nearby and sometimes helps me with processing an information, which tends to consist in just me talking.

Which is basically what Lancer did with Danny in Teacher of the Year. Which,,, Lancer, my beloved, yes! When he found the problem, he tried to find a solution and his frickin solution worked!

Anyway, this is all I wanted to say: the educational system sucks, Danny has a warped view of himself, Danny is neurodivergent, and Lancer should've been portrayed as an awesome teacher since the start because he was awesome.

#danny phantom #danny fenton #dp #vlad masters #zone culture #mr lancer #sam manson #tucker foley #jazz fenton #the ultimate enemy

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xmyshya · 3 years

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Shoved it: chapter II - Ollie

summary: You don’t like skaters. They’re unruly, misbehaved and rude. But this one encounter just might change your view. genre: fluff warnings: tooth-rotting fluff (seriously, make a dentist appointment), slow burn, mutual pining betas: @vanille–kiss as always I’m eternally grateful to you, I love you lots a/n: Written for ANILYSIUM (former HQHQ) Server Collab with the prompt “Meet Ugly”. Check the event’s masterlist here! series navi: masterlist | previous | next wc: 1.5k

It’s a nightmare. Everything must be just a bad dream, and soon you’re going to wake up. No more invading your sleep. No more being watched and followed through the halls. No more running, no more hiding, no more irritation.

But here’s the thing - it’s reality. And the Prince Charming from your nightly illusions still has those half-lidded olive eyes; the same eyes that meet yours at school and observe your every move. He’s everywhere you go, behind every corner, on every floor. You wouldn’t be surprised if he was in your closet.

Obviously it’s an exaggeration. While it’s true that you notice him more often than not, he’s also much taller than other students. His little circle of friends consists of really handsome boys, causing a commotion and squealing of the girls surrounding them. But, much to your dismay, he notices you just as much.

@mikYou know people like him. You know boys like him. Misbehaved jerks, thinking the world revolves around them and rules are meant to be broken; convinced that one smile is enough to make any girl fall in love with them, only to break their heart. But you, you’re not a part of this world, you refuse to be, and you want nothing to do with him.

Unfortunately, the stalker (as you like to call him) not only dares to smile and wink at you, but tries to approach you. So far you’ve managed to avoid him, spotting his messy brown hair towering over swarming students. This time, however, you failed to notice until it was too late. Until he had you trapped between his arms, your back against the wall.

“What do you think you’re doing, punk?!” You spit in his face, earning a tsk from the boy.

“Do I look like a punk to you?”

You want to retort, you really do, but the intensity of his gaze makes you open and close your mouth, like a fish thrown out of the ocean.

“Suna.”

“What?”

“I figured you didn’t know my name. Suna Rintarou.”

“I didn’t ask.”

He doesn’t know why you seem to hate him so much and it drives him mad. At first, Suna only wanted to really apologise for the incident, his conscience still clawing at him. Somewhere along the way it shifted into something more mischievous; seeing you blush and making a run for it giving him a fair amount of entertainment.

Initially you manage to win this game of cat and mouse, your average height being your biggest ally in hiding in the crowd. It certainly doesn’t help that other students tend to concentrate around him, and you’re long gone before he even scrambles out of the group. But he never misses the heat blossoming on your cheeks when he sends a wink in your direction.

Today might be Rin’s lucky day though. Most of the other teenagers are already gone, the halls pleasantly quiet and empty. You’re walking in front of him alone, and he’s sure you aren’t aware of the boy behind you.

He’s never been so grateful for his silent footsteps, or maybe you’re just too spaced out, because he sneaks up on you and pins you to the wall. Once more you look up at him with those big shiny eyes that make his stomach feel tingly, and maybe this time you’ll let him get closer…

Again, all he’s offered is baseless hostility, even in exchange for his name. You’re slipping through his fingers, at one moment being trapped between his arms, between his body and the wall, and in the next walking away. Not bothering to introduce yourself. Not sparing him even a glance.

***

Suna has another problem and this one is more urgent - he’s failing a class. In a sense, it’s his own fault for being late or even completely missing it. In his defense, it was in the morning, it was boring and unnecessary in his life, and he had so much other stuff to do. He can’t let it hold him back, not when he’s so close to being free.

The teacher was kind enough to give him a piece of paper containing the name and available hours of his potential saviour. Such a drag, he thinks but still walks towards the classroom where his tutor should be. Two knocks on the doorframe, but the girl inside is still turned back.

“Excuse me, I’m here for tutoring?”

His heart is hammering in his chest when the person turns towards him and it’s… you.

The weather is nice, it’s not hot despite the sun shining brightly, the cloudless sky has the most beautiful shade of blue. Gentle breeze rustles the leaves, birds chirp a song only they know. You can only admire it all from the window, having agreed to rescuing those in educational need.

You don’t mind, not really, as long as they put in some effort. There are some who just come and demand, those who don’t listen and claim to not understand anything later. You hope your next case won’t be one of these.

A deep voice brings you back to reality, a voice so familiar that it gives you goosebumps. You turn to look at your new student and for a second you think that if a headache had a human form, it would be him.

***

“Why do you hate me so much?”

The boy in front of you still stares at the problem at hand, spinning a pen between his fingers. You sigh.

“This is not a subject of our meetings.”

Now his olive eyes are focused on you, awaiting an answer he isn’t going to receive. You have no intention of entertaining this attempt at whatever it is.

“I’m not as bad as you think.”

“Why do you even care what I think?”

Rin only shrugs.

“Okay, could you please help me with this? I’m stuck.”

***

Contrary to your idea, Suna isn’t a hopeless case. He understands things quickly, without the need of repeating the same explanations over and over again. What bothers you is the amount of material you have to go through, because of his absences. With test retakes approaching quickly, you meet for sessions twice a week.

There isn’t much off-topic chatter, the scribbling of pen on paper being the only sound filling the room in between his questions. It’s comfortable and effective, and soon you feel at ease in his company.

In the third week of project “Ace the test”, as you jokingly call it, Rintarou greets you with a range of differently flavoured jelly sticks.

“You can take all of them, or just the ones you like.” He explains seeing your confusion.

“Why?”

“Because you’re staying after hours for me, and I don’t know how to repay you.”

You blush as you mumble “simple thank you would have been enough”, but in the end reach for three that taste like your favourite fruits. Suna smiles and commits your choice to his memory.

After that the boy makes sure to bring something in one of those flavours to your meetings - yoghurts, juices, chocolate bars with fillings, everything he could find. It would be a lie if you said you didn’t appreciate the gesture; it was sweet of him to bring you something as a compensation for your time and efforts.

It’s even cuter when on one particularly rough day after seeing your stressed frown, he dumps a whole bag on the desk. Upon opening you discover that it’s filled with your best-loved snacks; he must have been observing you closely and the realisation turns your cheeks into little furnaces.

There’s no way you can keep ignoring him now, and starting with the next day, you greet him with a small smile and a blush when you pass each other in the halls.

Rin is surprised at how easily the solutions come to his head after your little lectures. You have a way with words, your directions are simple and engaging, and he’s sure he wouldn’t have missed a single class if you were the teacher. He wonders if this is your plan for the future.

One of the discoveries he makes, partially by accident, is that you like silence; at least with a task like this at hand. Suna isn’t talkative which makes it easier, and the more he focuses on modules, the less tense you seem to be. Bingo.

Social interactions are usually tiring and Rintarou doesn’t bother with exhausting things. He prefers observing from the sidelines, watching the gestures and reactions they cause. Food, the boy realises, brings the most smiles. But since he doesn’t know your preferences at all, he’s going to start with what he’s familiar with.

Success has many faces. In this case, success has your blushing face as you grab jelly sticks he brought for you. Suna makes sure to remember which one you chose, and to always have something in one of those flavours. If this is how he wins you over, he doesn’t mind spending his precious energy. Especially not when you warm up enough to stop running away.

taglist: @kageyamas-love @mikasbloodbag

#haikyuu x reader #suna x reader #suna rintarou x reader #suna fluff #suna rintarou fluff #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu x y/n #suna x y/n #suna rintarou x y/n #hq x reader #hq x y/n #hq fluff #anilysium server collab #shoved;it #mysh.whitedwarf.[hq]

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jalapeno-princess · 3 years

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Bad For You Chapter 1

Fuckboy Mark Tuan X Reader

Genre: Angst, fluff (in future chapters), smut(maybe in a future chapter I’m still debating how I feel about that)

Word Count: 4.4K

Summary: Being a senior in college with less than two semesters in your entire educational career, you try your best not to get stuck in situations that will bring you any kind of stress. Unlike most of your classmates, you never searched for entertainment and fun in the college nightlife; partying, clubbing, getting drunk, high and hooking up with random strangers. You believed in working towards what will benefit you in the future. One day, your English professor gives you the opportunity of a lifetime; to pass his class without having to do anything at all. Most students would jump at his offer without hesitation. But what happens when what he’s asking of you just so happens to be the last thing you would ever find yourself wanting to do? Tutoring the same person you vowed never to get involved with? Mark Tuan was bad news and you’ve sworn to yourself that you wouldn’t interact with him under any circumstances. However, the offer is too good to refuse, but will it really be worth it in the end?

A/N: Hey guys! So this is the first chapter of my new series and I already have an idea of how I’m going to go about with this story I hope everything works out the way I want it to. I’m expecting to have about 5-6 chapters, but then again I never go through with what I plan. This first chapter is just an introduction as to how the main characters meet and so it might be kind of boring and more of a filler chapter but I’m sure the next one will be more interesting. Please enjoy!

Tick, tock, tick, tock.

The sound of a clock ticking during a very important exam that was worth more than half of your grade had to be one of the most annoying and infuriating noises in the entire world; you were sure of it.

That damn clock on the wall mocked you—with each click, you could feel yourself getting closer and closer to the brink of insanity. Honestly, you wouldn’t be surprised if you were to scream out in frustration and cause every one of your classmates to turn and look at you as if you were a wild animal. You sure felt like one.

It was as though every time the big hand moved, you’d forget one important piece of information that you studied multiple hours for in order to memorize. No matter how many all-nighters you pulled in the last week, all the notes that you took and repeatedly looked over—nothing seemed to be clicking.

Your mind was drawing a blank and it was really upsetting you. Ever since you were a little girl, you ate, breathed and slept your education. All you ever wanted was to succeed and do well in school.

It didn’t help that your parents put this immense pressure on you to succeed—being the youngest and only daughter out of four children led your parents in to expecting a lot more out of you than they did with your three older brothers. They were also extremely overprotective when it came to you.

Your brothers could go out and do whatever it was that they wanted; attend all these college frat parties, go to numerous bars only to get drunk off their asses and have your parents go and pick them up, drive all around Los Angeles and even leaving your sunny state of California to travel around cities like Las Vegas, Chicago and even New York. Hell, you couldn’t even cross the street by yourself let alone do anything most people would consider fun and exciting.

Everyone who knew of your existence considered you to be a goody two shoes; the teacher’s pet. You found fun in reading and watching documentaries about murderous affairs. Most people your age were constantly partying, getting drunk, high or both. You never understood why anyone would waste their time and money on unnecessary substances such as alcohol and drugs, but you were never one to judge.

Every now and then, your professor would inform the class how much time everyone had left to complete the exam. To everyone’s dismay, the door was slammed open; all eyes turned towards the front of the room—curious about who just entered. As soon as your gaze landed on him, you rolled your eyes in irritation.

“Professor Lee, I’m so sorry I’m late. I—“

“I don’t want to hear it Mr.Tuan, no excuses. You have less than twenty minutes to complete your exam. There’s no retakes, so instead of trying to get out of this one, I’d suggest you take out a pen, piece of paper and start writing.”

The boy in question made his way towards where you were sitting and gave you a smirk before sitting right behind you. Anyone and everyone who knew Mark was well aware as to why he was tardy. His tousled hair and swollen lips gave it away; it didn’t take a genius to know exactly what he was up to.

You couldn’t care less about what he did; you hardly even knew the guy, so whatever he would do in his free time didn’t matter to you. As you began to finish up on your last few questions, you felt a tap on your shoulder.

“Pssst. Y/n.”

Ignore him and he’ll leave you alone y/n.

Every time Mark would try and get your attention, whether it was to borrow a pencil or to coerce you in to giving him the answers on one of your assignments, you’d find yourself groaning in frustration. It’s as though he got a rise out of getting under your skin.

In the three months that you’ve had him in your English 345 class, you observed the fact that he never seemed to bother any of your other classmates except you. He had classmates sitting on either side of him, yet he never once spoke to them.

You’ve known Mark since middle school; he was one year older than you and he lived down your road, but the two of you never really interacted with one another. You came from two different social groups; his group of friends were very well known throughout your entire campus.

All seven members were apart of a sports team and they had to be the most attractive guys at your university. They were also notorious for being quite the players; none of them were in stable relationships.

Mark and his friends were known to hook up with random girls whose names they’d never end up learning and none of them slept with the same person twice. That’s just who they were.

Every Friday night, they’d throw a party at one of their apartments, one of the sorority houses or they’d rent out a hotel room. You made a pact with yourself to never get involved with any one of them. The last thing you needed was to get your heartbroken by an asshole who could give less of a shit about you.

You refused to allow any one of his friends; Mark in particular, take advantage of your kind hearted and gentle personality. As much as you wish you could be a cold-hearted, selfish person; especially because so many people have done you wrong in the twenty-two years of your existence, you could never hurt anyone or do anyone wrong the way they would so easily do to you. It just never felt right.

However, Mark Tuan was someone you wouldn’t care about hurting. He obviously didn’t care about anyone but himself and his atrocious group of friends; so you never allowed him to irritate you for longer than a few minutes. Luckily, he never took things further than a couple of snarky comments and throwing paper airplanes at you every now and then, but you could do without all of his childish antics.

Sometimes, you wondered why he chose you of all people to pick on and disturb. Maybe it’s because you were one of the only people he’s known since childhood, or because everyone was well aware of your friendly and welcoming personality. You were also considered the teacher’s pet for most of your professors.

A few of them; your biology, calculus—and even your English professor for this class had asked you to be their teacher’s assistant because they were confident they could trust in you to help them with their classes. Unfortunately, you had to decline.

With having a full-time job and taking on five classes, there was so much on your plate already and you were afraid that you wouldn’t be able to give them the support and time they needed from their assistants. You had only three questions left to answer and you were more than happy to finally finish the test.

The word exhausted wasn’t even enough to describe just how tired you were. You worked a ten hour shift yesterday because two of your co-workers called in sick and you didn’t have the courage to tell your boss that you were tired from pulling an all-nighter the day before.

All you wanted to do was return back to your apartment and fall asleep for the rest of the week. The constant tap on your shoulder broke you out of your thoughts and for a second, you almost forgot that you were in the middle of an exam. A groan of disbelief was at the tip of your tongue; who did he think he was coming in to class just minutes before it ended, expecting you to help him because it was painfully obvious he had no idea what he was doing.

“Y/n, what did you get for number 5? Hey—pssst—y/n—“

You continued to scribble down a few more sentences on the last question; wanting nothing more than to get out of the lecture hall but Mark adamantly had other plans.

“Come on, please? I don’t know how to answer this—“

“Mark, this is an exam. I can’t help you—“

“Just this one time. I promise. I’m already doing bad in this class. I can’t afford to fail—“

“Well that’s not my problem Mark. You need to learn how to manage your priorities better—“

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean—“

Right as you were about to retaliate and make a comment about his fuckboy lifestyle, a new presence joined the two of you and you felt yourself tense up at his words.

“Mr.Tuan, Miss y/l/n, is there a problem here?”

You shook your head in disagreement and mentally cursed the older boy for putting you in this situation. Not once in your entire educational career have you ever been called out by one of your teachers for not doing what you were supposed to and that was because you never failed to accomplish whatever it was that you were expected to do. There was no way you would let Mark Tuan out of all people get in the way of the reputation you’ve worked so hard to maintain as one of the top students at your university.

“No problem here sir, I was just asking y/n to borrow an eraser.”

Absentmindedly, your eyes rolled to the back of your head at how easily the lie fell from his lips. This happened to be the first class you had him in, but you had a huge feeling he was like this whenever there was something he desired. Whether it was school related, or a way to soothe his carnal urges, Mark would do whatever in his power to get whatever or whoever it was that he wanted.

It was adamant that he wasn’t going to do well on this test no matter how hard he tried. He didn’t strike you as someone who studied, nor did he seem like he cared about his education in the first place. None of his friends did. College was more about the night life experience; the alcohol, constant partying, drugs, sex—school was the last of any of their worries and you believed that one day, it would all come back to bite them all in the ass.

“Hm, is that so? Well then, please return back to your exams and if you don’t mind staying back, I’d like to talk to the both of you about something.”

If looks could kill, Mark would be six feet underground with the glare you were now sending him. The universe was not on your side at all today. Not only did the coffee shop get your order wrong, but your botany professor assigned you a group project you weren’t at all excited for and now—you were in trouble for something that wasn’t even your fault.

To both his and your surprise, you turned around and flipped Mark off. You hated the fact that his stupidity and ignorance was causing you to do all of these spiteful actions that you have never once done to anyone else. He was just that big of a narcissistic asshole and with the way he smirked at you, it was all the more evident that he was enjoying himself.

Mark got in trouble many times in class—or so you’ve heard people talk about. Everyone talked about him; no matter who it was, every single student on your campus knew of him. Some had nothing but envy and respect towards him and others never understood what was so good about him that the boys wanted to be him and the girls wanted to be under him.

You were one of the latter; other than his devastatingly handsome looks and how much of an amazing volleyball player he was, Mark didn’t have anything else going for him. He was the definition of a prick; he was cocky and treated people like shit. He also had a brain the size of a peanut which came as a shock seeing as how his younger brother Joey graduated over a year ago and had his bachelor’s degree in pharmaceutical engineering.

In fact, the entire Tuan family seemingly had great heads on their shoulders. Mark’s father owned one of the highest ranking tech companies in all of California. His mom and his oldest sister were realtors. You understood that his wealth and the success of his family were the only reasons why he wasn’t expelled from school. If it were anyone else, they would have been kicked out as soon as their g.p.a dropped below 2.0 like Mark’s was rumored to be.

“Good going dickhead.”

He cheekily winked at you before turning his attention back to his exam. You were going to make his life a living hell for what he put you through. Less than ten minutes later, your professor let the entire class know that time was up and one by one, your classmates began exiting the room. You could feel your blood pressure and anxiety levels rising at the thought of getting detention for Mark’s unintelligent disruption.

As soon as the last person left, you began to come up with what you were going to tell your teacher. You were willing to admit the fact that Mark was trying to cheat and get some answers from you. It wasn’t as though anything bad would happen to him anyway.

He’d get away with trying to get you to give him answers and maybe even torment you for throwing him under the bus. Oh God, what did you get yourself in to? Your professor sat on his desk as he motioned for the two of you to walk towards him.

A soft sigh fell from his lips and you were sure you could pass out because of how nervous you were. Even if you knew you didn’t do anything wrong, you were still freaking out about the consequences that came with helping someone on a test.

“Y/n, I just want to start off by saying you’re not in trouble. So, there’s nothing you need to worry about. However, it has come to my attention that you are looking towards getting an internship at the state capital. You’re majoring in law right? Well, I have a proposition for you, and I know—you might not like this and I’m sorry for asking you to do me such a huge favor like this. I’m sure you’re already busy as it is, but—“ He didn’t even have to ask just yet, you already had a feeling that his favor had to do with the remarkably inadequate boy on the right of you.

“Could you tutor Mark for me? Well, not just for me. His professors sent me emails about what they can do to help him.”

He turned over to Mark and released a soft sigh. You felt as though you were going to throw up. Tutor Mark? Seriously? You would rather rip out your eyelashes one by one. There was no way you would do such a thing. Sure, you were willing to stay after class and help your professors grade papers or you could come up with lesson plans in order to cut down the amount of work they had to do, but there was no way in hell you were going to do anything with or for Mark.

“I don’t like talking negatively about students. I know you’re a smart kid Mark. I acknowledge the fact that you do try; you’re such a great writer, but you don’t put your heart or mind in to anything beneficial. There’s honestly nothing else I can say or do to get you to try harder. You have so much potential, but you fail to use any of it. You could go far in life Mark, but you choose paths that will bring you nothing but destruction. Don’t get me wrong, you’re still so young and I’m sure you want to live your life to the fullest. But sometimes, you need to give up any kind of toxicity that will only bring you down. Y/n—a few other professors and I are willing to write you multiple letters of recommendation and I’m going to give you an immediate A for this class. You don’t have to worry about any other exams or assignments. Most of your time will be taken up trying to help assist Mark. I still expect you to listen in on our lectures just so you can understand and learn the course material, but you don’t have to worry about studying for any tests. I trust that you would pass all of them nonetheless. I know, I shouldn’t be asking you to help another student and please don’t feel like you have to do this. But just know that I and all your other professors would be more than grateful if you do decide to go along with my offer. I’ll give you a week to think about it. You may go now.”

All the blood in your body immediately began to rush to your head. Everything your professor explained to you went through one ear and out the other. You were being offered to pass the class with flying colors without having to worry about completing any assignments or taking quizzes—anyone in their right minds would willingly accept his proposition. It was the easiest A you could ever receive, yet in order to access it, you would have to go against everything you’ve set your mind to.

All the pacts you’ve made with yourself regarding Mark or any of his inconsiderate group of friends, were you really going to allow yourself to get involved with someone notorious for manipulating and taking advantage of other individuals without a care in the world? Sure, you wouldn’t have to worry about one of your classes and you’d have more time to focus on your more difficult subjects, but it would be at the cost of your morals and beliefs.

Mark Tuan was no good—even if it was only tutoring, you had a bad feeling in your gut that he would end up hurting you one way or another. You didn’t consider yourself to be the kind of girl Mark would mess around with or find attractive in any way, but then again—it didn’t matter what the person looked like or what their personality was like.

Everyone was just another body added to his count of poor unfortunate souls who were tricked in to finding their way in to bed with him. Once your professor excused you, you practically ran out of the building. Knowing that you were his only option, you were well aware that Mark would probably look for you and try to coerce you in to accepting the offer. If that did end up happening, you would stand your ground.

You weren’t afraid of Mark, nor did you consider him all that intimidating like everyone on campus did. He wasn’t going to get to you that easily, no matter how hard he would put in an effort to. Your professor gave you a week to think about it and there was nothing your school’s notorious bad boy could say or do to influence you to agree in helping him. As you were right about to unlock your car door, you heard feet running in the distance. It didn’t take a genius to know just who the footsteps belonged to. Hell, you picked up your pace in order to avoid him.

“Y/n, wait!”

If only you could continue your cold facade; there was a voice telling you to jump in your car and leave without giving him the time of day. You would just deal with him tomorrow. But you knew being brash wasn’t in your nature—you could never be mean to anyone. Even people like Mark who obviously deserved it.

There was no way you’d forgive yourself for showing him hostility; you’d only be sinking to his level. You released a frustrated groan—did he not even take a second to think about how much of an inconvenience he was right now? First, he bothered you during a very important exam, then he got you involved in catching the unwanted attention of your professor and now you’re being asked to tutor him.

Mark Tuan was the devil in human form, he had to be. There was no other plausible explanation as to why he is the conniving asshole you’ve grown accustomed to interact with in the last few months. It’s as if he had vengeance against you. Why else would he include you in his toxic way of going through school? You turned around to face him and crossed your arms in irritation. Right after he caught up to you, he placed both hands on his knees as if he was trying to catch his breath.

“What? Did you sprint here?”

“Obviously. I had a feeling there was a chance you’d want to talk to me about the deal our professor offered me, but I don’t have the energy to listen to you talk me in to doing so—“

“Come on y/n, you act like tutoring me is the worst thing on this entire earth—“

“Because it is. Look, I have a week to think about this okay? So if I were you, I’d watch how you act towards me and how you talk to me. Whether or not you graduate next spring is all on me. I’m going to warn you right now, nothing you can say or do will have an effect on my decision. If I decide to tutor you, it’s because I want to. Oh, and don’t think it’s because I don’t want to do work or tests. If anything, I would rather complete assignments and study for exams. The option he gave me isn’t an easy way out, so I don’t want you spreading bullshit lies about me just to make me look bad. If I say no, there’s no trying to get me to say yes. Am I clear?”

This was the first time you’ve ever seen Mark look worried in the many years that you’ve known him for. Almost everyone in his life, teachers, professors, fellow classmates, his friends and even some of his family members—they willingly gave him whatever it was that he asked for. You never understood why; why was everyone so afraid of him? He wasn’t all that muscular or buff. In fact, you’d mentally call him a limp noodle whenever he’d get on your nerves because he was quite the skinny guy.

But he’s always been like that. Mark was like a chihuahua; he was all bark and no bite. Maybe he used his family’s power and wealth against others, or maybe he would promise financial or social gain to make others succumb to his wishes. Whatever it was—you needed him to know that it wouldn’t work on you. It was obvious that no one has ever talked to Mark the way you currently were just by the way he looked at you in shock.

You were a force to be reckoned with. If Mark considered you to be a soft spoken, quiet pushover, then boy—did he have something coming for him. He wasn’t wrong to think like that; you were a genuinely kind-hearted soul. However, that was to those who deserved it. Mark wasn’t on that list, nor would he ever make it there. Ever.

“Fine. Just—please think about it? No funny business, I promise. I just—I want to know. Be honest with me. Why do you hate me so much? What did I ever do to cause you so much anguish and distress? Is it something I said? Did? Whatever it is, I’m sorry. Sincerely. I’m not saying that in order to win brownie points or to get on your good side, I mean it. You are the only person on this entire campus who seems to take a disliking to me and I want you to know that I’m sorry.”

As soon as the last word of apology fell from his lips, you could feel your throat getting choked up. You wanted to believe he was trying to come up with ways to make you feel bad for him; to get you to really think about helping him out. But there was no malice in his speech—his eyes looked so sincere. If he was lying, then damn—he deserved a fucking Oscar.

Deep down in your heart though, you knew he was being serious. Why were you now feeling bad that you were vehemently treating him like the scum under your toes? Obviously, you weren’t going to grovel at his feet the way most of the girls at your university did—but that didn’t mean you couldn’t be civil with him.

Mark hasn’t cared about his attendance or grade in this class since the beginning of the semester—so it really boggled your mind as to why he was trying to be involved in his education right now. That wasn’t your business to have knowledge of. You and Mark weren’t friends. You’d probably never ever be friends, so the reasoning for his sudden interest in putting his focus towards his education wasn’t your problem to deal with.

You brought your vision to the ground; your converse seemed like the most interesting thing in the world at the moment. There was no way you could look at him, you were sure you’d give him your answer if you were to look at him and see how distraught he was from your hostility. You opened the back seat of your car and threw in your bag and your books before making your way to the front seat.

Thankfully, Mark had a conscience and moved out of the way. He probably didn’t want to get even more so on your nerves and you appreciated his new timid nature.

Mark Tuan had finally met his match.

Once you pulled out of the stall, you rolled down your window and took in a deep breath—not sure if you were making the right decision as the words fell off your tongue; but it didn’t matter anymore.

“Meet me tomorrow in the library at three. Don’t be late or you can forget about having me as a tutor. Oh, and I don’t hate you. But don’t think so highly of yourself, I don’t think all that highly of you either.”

The soft smile that was now beaming on his face pulled on your heartstrings and soon you felt a warm sensation in your chest—wait. What? Oh God—no. No, no, no. What have you done?

You just sold your soul to the devil.

#got7 imagines #mark tuan #mark tuan imagines #got7 #got7 mark

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dokifluffs · 4 years

Text

Relieving Stress | Makoto, Rin

Pairings: Makoto X Reader (gender neutral), and Rin X Reader (gender neutral)

Genre: (angsty to??) comfort fluff

Author’s Note: Cause the free fandom needs to be fed too plus I’ve been dying to write more free!

Makoto:

You couldn’t breathe through your nose, your nostrils completely blocked, your eyes puffy and red

Tear drops littered your notes and workbooks as you sat hunched over your desk, your hands holding the side of your head as you cried silently to yourself in the room, wanting to give up so badly but knowing you would feel too much guilt if you stopped

It was an endless cycle you wanted out of

Sitting in your seat had taken its toll on your body, your back and neck killing you from how much you had been sitting, your stomach hurting from how little you ate, not wanting to waste as much time as you did before

The college entrance exams were nearing and you were demoralized seeing the results of your mock

The worst of all was seeing the disappointment that was clear as day in your parents’ eyes when they asked about your results, the light of hope vanishing from their eyes

They didn’t say it but you could feel the disappointment, and you could still feel it

Your house was still and empty, excluding you. Your parents would be coming home late from work, saving every bit of money they could to send you to the school you wanted, hoping for you to get into Meijo Chuo University

A soft knock on your door pulled- no, freed you from your miserable studies

“Y/N?” The kind voice of your loving boyfriend Makoto sounded from your doorway as he peeked his head in through the door, his olive eyes widening seeing your crying face. “What happened?” He set the plastic bag filled with snacks and drinks down beside him as he knelt before you, taking your hand in his, cupping your face to wipe away your tears with the other

“Are you hurt?” He scanned your arms and legs, trying to find a source of the pain you were clearly in, finding none as you meekly shook your head, tears dripping off your chin

“What’s wrong, then?” You bit into your lip as you nuzzled into his touch, his warmth already melting away a slim fraction of the stress that was crushing you from the inside out

“Entrance exams,” your voice cracked as you felt a hot burn in your chest just thinking about it. You and tests were nowhere near compatible and you hated it- sitting in one spot for hours in complete silence, hearing everyone else diligently working while you sat there, feeling useless with your brain

“I’m not gonna get into Meijo Chuo and- and- I just want to skip this…” you spoke, your voice shaky, your breaths uneven as you continued to struggle to breathe through your nose, making it feel even more like you were suffocating

“Hey, shhh…” He pulled you into his embrace, your head resting on his shoulder, breath tickling his neck as he rubbed his hand over your back. “Don’t say you won’t, not now when they haven’t started yet. There’s still time.”

He knew the stress you were feeling over the exams. He felt the same but he thought you were in a better boat than he was since you actually knew where you wanted to go whereas he didn’t

The reason as to why he was actually here was because of your mother. She contacted him, worried you weren’t giving yourself enough breaks and she was right seeing the state you were in

“Let’s take a break, okay? Tell me why you think you won’t get in…” The two of you sat in the center of the room on your carpet. He handed you a refreshing drink, offering you some snacks he knew you liked

You told him abut your mock, which led to multiple branches of thoughts like what if you didn’t get in as the main concern, the guilt you felt toward your parents for working so hard for the sake of your future

It was all wrapped around the concern of not getting in

He listened intently, getting a feel for how you felt

He held you close, his arm wrapped around your shoulders, hand rubbing your arm as the two of you leaned back into the side of your bed. He wipes your tears away with his tissues, telling you all about the exam and how it really would go, explaining the curves every year, financial aid, the process of applying too

“We can work through this together,” he squeezed your hand in his

It sounded like a lot more but with the way he put it, it sounded achievable but it wasn’t enough to make all your stresses disappear into thin air

“I can come over again tomorrow and we can review together, okay?” He cupped your face and rubbed his thumb over your cheek, his gentle smile spreading on his lips, widening when he saw you smile for the first time today

He wasn’t able to relieve all of your worries completely, but he was able to lighten the weight of them, staying by your side throughout the entire process til you were accepted and he kept his word to you

Rin:

The chair creaked loudly in your ear as you leaned back into it with a heavy sigh, closing your eyes to massage them after burning holes into your textbook with them

They burned in the best possible way as you massaged them, closing your dried eyes after staring at the same text, taking in information you had learned in your lecture already, but just rereading everything from the beginning of the semester to make sure you had everything down

But it was a lot more now that you were rereading through all the chapters, some things felt like you were learning for the very first time yet they weren’t when you found notes you had taken

Sitting still in your chair, resting your eyes and body, which so badly wanted to collapse into the covers of your bed, you could hear the faint shrills of cicadas and chirps of crickets outside your apartment

You were getting lost in the sound, feeling yourself slowly fall asleep but you had to keep yourself awake, no matter how many cups of coffee, tea, or energy drinks you had to down, you had to stay awake and get through at least half of the reading you were forcing yourself through

Failing this final meant retaking the class next semester but it also meant losing money down the drain

The faintest sounds of keys jingling followed by the sound of your front door opening caught your attention

Turning your head, you saw Rin’s figure as he stepped through the door, tucking his keys back into his pocket

“Hey, what’re you doing here?” You turned your head back, resting your sore neck on the back of your chair, swaying side by side ever so slightly with your foot guiding you

“You haven’t answered me at all today and I wanted to see if you were alive.” He nudged your chair as he sat himself into the seat beside yours

“Oh, sorry, my phone was off like all day.” You had told quite a few people and your parents that you wouldn’t be available all day/ as well as basically this entire week until your final had passed

“Why? Also why’re you still up?” He poked his finger into your cheek, making you flinch, amusing him

“My history final is coming up and I’ve been basically cramming.” You drew your lips into a straight line, locking gazes with him as he read you, taking in your features

He could see the bags forming beneath your eyes, how disheveled your hair looked

“Come on,” he stood, opening his hand to you. “Let’s go.” He waited patiently for you to put your hand into his, wrapping his fingers around yours securely, hoisting you up from your seat

“Where are we going?”

“To bed.” You refrained yourself from yawning when you heard him say that, pulling back your hand where you stood

“I can’t, not yet at least. I have to finish reading at the middle so I can have enough time to review.” You pulled your body as he securely held your hand, pulling you toward your bedroom at the end of the hall, your bed calling your name

As much as you wanted to, you couldn’t not yet

“Y/N, I can physically see how tired you are, baby. Let’s just go to sleep. I can help you review tomorrow and all the way up until your exam. You know I make a great study buddy,” he winked, swinging your arms as he gestured his head toward your bedroom

You stood hesitantly, facing the table as you looked at your textbooks, little slips of paper and colorful sticky notes peeking out from the edges

“I know you want to,” his breath tickled your ear as you let out a groan, almost sinking to your knees when you felt his hands massage your shoulder and neck, your muscles stiff from being hunched over your book for hours on end

“You need so much sleep and relaxing,” he kissed your shoulder from behind. You leaned back and rested your head on his shoulder, sighing for the nth time all day as you went to war with yourself

“Your brain is a muscle and it needs to relax before you cram more, overworking it. It’s already late, sleep will do you some good,” he promised, finally able to lead you away from your table, switching off the light as he led you to your bedroom as you let out a big yawn, your body melting into your bed and his arms

~~~~~ Thanks for reading! Masterlist for more! Please do not repost anywhere else!

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tylerwritez · 3 years

Text

Saturday, June 19 2021

I dont know how I feel about the day yet cos right now its only 10:13. I dont post these exactly on the days I write them, but I write them on these exact days nonetheless.

My throat still hurts, my ass hurts, oUch,.... I'm sure you know why. Like, when you suck dick, it takes throat strength to make sure you don't fucking vomit everywhere and like. I OBVIOUSLY dont have that strength since I had to wash vomit outta my hair this morning

Hes so hot tho oh. My god.

Whatever. New day. So we talk about new things.

Star seems kinda sad but I dont really know why? She said on her story that people dont really go outta their way to talk to her... idk. I shot a good morning dm and now I'm here. I made my bed. Packed up my shit. Every time we pack things up my parents rage cos they always find shit they dont want to see: monster cans, evidence of my self harm, etc.

We have 1 more week then school is OVER and I move outta this house cos of the divorce. Jay will be gone too... I still have his insta, but I might ask for his number... just in case. I always get weirdly attached to people I fuck even if there was never any romantic part of the relationship. We are just friends.

Apparently we are going to the pick n pack today with my friend let's call her Zara. It's notfar off from her real name but whatever. Basically pick n pack is where you go to a vegetable garden and pick vegetables

I have a test soon but idk if I'll study for it. I NEVER really put work into studying or pay attention in class and I'm holding an 82 average. I got a 39 once, so once I retake that quiz I might be in the 90s. Sorry Mr. Renal, I simply can't bring myself to care about your class 😢

I LOVE my art class tho. It's just doing ART!!!! ART TIME!!!! Art is the best and I would post some of mine but my irls would proabably find me then. Like my name isnt ACTUALLY Jude Shepard. I'm just using it as a penname and also cos that's what they called me in my dream. But other than that everything I tell y'all is real. I'm making buttered toast rn.

3:38 p.m. sat june 19th

I've decided to include a song recommendation with every entry. Today's recommendation: A Match Into Water by Pierce The Veil

Okay so it turns out we didnt go to pick n pack with Zara. Instead we went to downtown... White Ave. It was sunny n we walked a bit, got lemonades and a bit of candy, went into stores, idk. BUT. The notable part of this is that next to the farmers market there were all the usual activist groups: falun gong, vegan, whatever... but one of them looked like it was a LEFTIST GROUP, possible marxist.

I wanted to talk to them so badly and wanted to see how I could help the cause. See, I'm a communist. AND IM NOT HERE TO DEBATE THAT. I'm here to talk about my days. Anwyays I wanted to talk to them sO BADLY. but my parents wouldn't leave me alone. And like. I hate political discussion with them. They just upset me and they get mad and I CANT AFFORD TO MAKE THEM MAD. I play everything that goes on with me on the Down Low, I dont talk about anything about myself because if I do, I get less freedom in my life. They have control in my life, so I have to appease them. Because of this, I unfortunately did not get to talk to the communists :(

Hopefully they're still there next time... I'm kinda mad >:(

Also Star replied to my good morning text... I told her to have fun shopping since that's what she told me she was gonna do... she just said "thanks" and I was concerned because THATS NOT HOW SHE TYPES? I feel like shes sad over something but i dont know what.

The day me and Jacob did stuff, I was supposed to walk her to her bus stop like I always do. But I didnt (duh) I took Jacob home.

But IT WAS ONE! DAY. And I told her my dad called me over so.... I apologized too and she seemed mad at herself, but in the way that's intended to make you feel bad.

I dont understand her sometimes. I LOVE HER. DON'T GET ME WRONG. I love her so so much shes such a great supportive funny attractive girl! But soemtimes she gets upset and I can never tell why: is it the depression? Is it me? Is it soemthing else entirely? And she'll never tell me.

Whatever, I'll ask her how she is tonight and maybe we can Talk :/

I might never tell her about Jay... :P I might never tell ANYONE about Jay. It's our little secret I guess >:))))))

Man see? I'm no saint. I guess that's what'll make this blog worth reading. I'm a bit conflicted about the whole thing cos I KNOW this is morally not right but. I'm doing it anyways. What can I say? I'm used to lying and hiding things for my benefit. I had to do it to survive and now? Now I do it for funsies.

I'm gonna pack some more stuff, TTYL ♡

UPDATE: we had to go look at houses for the move (since my parents r divorcing) and I didnt get to pack much of anything yet

I'm definently over my cal limit today...

Cold sweet or carbonated drinks help with my throat pain so I'm downing them like they're NOTHING and since we have no zero cal cold drinks I'm DEAD... and no, water does NOTHING.

Jeez, its raining out.

And FUCK JAY cos hes still on my mind.

Its 4:11 p.m. now.

Its now 7:56 p.m.

I kinda feel like an edgy main character in an edgy movie rolling up to the park and sitting #alone in the Treez like the emo band music video protagonist I am.

Sometimes its exhausting to talk to people I care about in a serious way or that I talk to in a more sincere manner like Star and Jay and others. Even if they're just friends. If our interactions are serious and not really casual and usually play out like long deep conversation, I feel like to respond to or even read their messages, I need to have like an hour allotted to conversation. Soemtimes I see the messages early and have to pretend I didnt see em cos I dont have internet to respond or time to respond its. Funny. Idk.

Anwyays I'm binging chocolate in a park alone and like. Rotting my fucking teeth OH WELL 🤷🏻‍♂️ whatcha gonna do.

Its 8 now so I should head home. I just biked to the s4ve 0ns to get my dad white choclate but. If I'm going to s4ve 0ns... YOU BET YOUR ASS IM GONNA STE4L SHIT. THAT PLACE IS EASY AS FUCKKK.

Also I'm kinda addicted to sh0pl1fting. The THRILL I get from it is so insane. It's fun! And you get free stuff! I know If i get caught I'm risking a lot. I'm aware. But I dont really care. Every step I take nowadays is risk taking. So why not take more?

I dont care about nonsense therapy. Fuck that.... actually I'll explain why i dont go to therapy for my shit:

1. I cant

2. I don't trust it

Anwyays yeah.

My throat still hurts. Idk, I just like to be in the sun and shit ALONE.

ALONE! It's so funny to me how now I like my time alone but as a kid I'd proabably kill for some positive attention. Well... it's more complex than that, but I wont go into it tonight.

Pls watch me die of diabetes soon from eating all this fucking chocolate.

My parents said to stop drinking monster and I wANT THEM TO TRUST ME so i can go out with my friends... but also I shoulda got monster outta spite. Heart palpitations my ASS.

Tonight I'll be talking to Jay AND Star. At the same time. Which is awkward... Which is MY OWN MESS TO CLEAN UP. I actually accept full responsibility. But also its awkward.

Whatever. I'll sort it out.

My parents arent being as complicated as usual. I guess they're tryna reverse all those years of... emotional neglect i guess? Something.

Something. Which isnt nothing.

But also I think they're guilty over the divorce. Like. Today my dad was like "do u ever feel sad? Blah blah blah... how do u feel rn" and I was like smiling tryna play off his question like it was absurd and I said "uhm idk... *fake laugh* normal?"

THE TRUTH WAS THAT I WAS A BIT CONFUDDLED ABOUT WHAT I WAS GONNA DO REGARDING. LITERALLY CHEATING. ON MY GF. WITH SOME DUDE IN MY ART CLASS. JUST FOR SEX.

But then he was like "this isnt normal." And he looked all sad. But on my way to the park here, I thought about it a bit more. And actually... it IS normal. The divorce rate is smthn like 60 percent in the states and 40 percent in canada... which is where I live.

Yknow... if my irls find this,,, all I have to say is sorry. Be as mean as you want.

I've already accepted my fate as a degenerate scumbag anyways lol.

Actually... how DO I feel? Hmm... laying in this field.

Urgency.

I have a lot of stuff to do.

Physical pain, but that's not. A FEELING.

I guess anticipation to TALK TO PEOPLE.

Regret from my binge... I better get home.

You know what's so funny to me? I cant purge on my own... but dick makes me vomit. Like the one time I DONT want to throw up, I do. Damn okay.

Well its 8:18 so I'm going home maybe. Soon. For now, I think I'll stay a little longer.

Yknow one thing I didn't expect to be sore was my arms... which I used to prop myself up to... yknow, suck Jay...

I still remember he said: "you're trembling." And I was like FUCK because I thought the trembling was HIM... •_• it's okay though I'll learn to do better.

Idk tho... I feel comfortable with him. Even as nervous as I am and embarrassed to be. Naked. In front of soemone else. And such. He makes me feel comfortable. Look, I did my best, DUH of cOURSE I did my best, I'm the type who will work hard at stuff even if they're getting hurt. I didnt mind honeslty. My goal in that part was just to make him feel good. Equal exchange, yknow? He did the same thing to me.

But like, he can tell when I gag and he tells me not to hurt myself and of course I keep going, I'm not about to SToP. But. I dont kNOW. Him talking to me like that makes me feel a lot safer doing stuff like that you know?

I like when he starts kissing me and touching me like he cant contain himself its almost animalistic and VERY FUCKING HOT

I feel like I talk about him too much but you gotta realize that was my FIRST time

1. Sucking dick

2. having MY junk sucked

3. Having anything put. Inside me. (It was just his finger but stILL)

So yeaH. Of course I'm gonna talk about it. A lot.

He said I was adorable. He said he likes how, when he leans over me, I take in a breath... how he could make me flinch.

THATS HOT ISNT IT.

I feel like I'm getting lost in his charm when I shoULD be tryna fix shit with my girlfriend. She seems sad and I'm worried.

But there isnt much more to say until I DM her tonight...

I really fucked up, didn't I? I totally fucked up and now my brain is all confused. But I have to remember that Jay is only about sex. He would be nice to cuddle, since hes fucking HUGE and I'm kinda on the short side, but he doesnt talk to me out of love. He does it out of lust. And yeah... I really only want sex from him too. But like. Star and I are COMMITTED. We got our feelings wrapped up together. Emotionally and romantically.

So. I should proabably like... stop fucking with Jay. Tell Star what I did. And hope she forgives me. That's the morally correct thing to do.

But like... do I EVER make the morally correct decision? No. Not really. I'm a piece of shit. Whatever. Its highschool anwyays we arent mating for life. IM NOT SAYING WHAT I DID WASNT BAD. IT WAS. VERY BAD.

but I'm gonna keep making bad decisions.

I DO FEEL BAD.... but look. If we're being logical about this and tryna maximize my benefit here,, I should keep Star as my girlfriend and TREAT HER WELL... but with Jay as a fuckbuddy on the side. Hes leaving the school soon anwyays so then we'll hang out less...

That's my plan, anyways.

I KNOW I'm a bad person. I'm aware. But it's just a fact of life.

I'm cheating with my cards here in so many places: stealing, lying, cheating, disobeying my parents, not paying attention in class.. IM KIND OF AN ASSHOLE KID. Idk. It's kinda whatever to me. I'm fucking harry Houdini, okay? I can get out of anyhting. This isnt me being cocky... I have historically gotten out of MANY tight situations, even some that risked my life, and I'm still here. I think I'm a walking lucky charm or SOEMTHING

Welp, we know if gods real I'm going to hell.

I dont really care. Idk. I guess I'm just at that risk taking phase in.my life. That doesnt justify anything... but it explains it. And it's possible to explain without justifying.

Man,,, I guarantee whoever reads this blog is gonna hate my guts.

Whatever. It's my fucking journal/diary lol.

I can sorta say whatever I'd like.

It's funny because I always thought I was trustworthy and had no commitment issues BUT HEY I GUESS NOT.

I keep telling myself, cut him off, YOU AVE A GIRLFRIEND, FESS UP AND APOLOGIZE... but then I picture his STUPID smirking face and I CANT.

Maybe I am in love double.

Doesnt matter if I am... i still did a bad thing.

DAMN.

Well... I'm headed back home now. 8:41. I'm gonna pack my shit, change, watch youtube,,,, I guess I should check my google classroom and like. do my fucking homework... cos I haven't done it yet.

Then I'll update yall.

11:51 p.m.

Hey guys I'm back with an update.

I talked with both of then... star doesnt seem interested in having an actual conversation,,, shes just talking about random bs. Which is fine but I dont rly get what shes saying half the time COS SHES NOT BLUNT ENOUGH. and then the other half shes going on about how much she hates life. Like.

I do love her. We've bonded. I AM concerned about her. But sometimes I feel like she doesn't really try. Like I can talk her down from suicide all I want but everything I say is wrong and cliched and based off my own experience with suicidal thoughts and like... my mentality has always been sorta toxicly masculine. Push through, and push through alone. I CANT ALWAYS HELP! And it makes me feel shitty. Idk. She'll be okay, I know so cos of her story posts and drawings.

I feel bad but I know I can't help much. We talked a little. Idk, we didnt get anywhere. I love her but shes acting in a way that tells me soemthing is wrong but I CANT FIX THAT THING. SO. yeah, theres not much to say. I wish I could take away all her pain but I can't.

I talked to Jay as well... I DONT KNOW WHATS HAPPENING BECAUSE I LIKE HIM SO SO MUCH. SO MUCH. HES LITERALLY PERFECT. sexy, kind and super considerate, he always makes sure I'm comfortable... I dont KNOW,,, hes sweet.

Hes not romantically interested in me. Which is a bit sad. Sometimes I want to tell him "I love you!!!" But then I remember that we are, in his words, friends with benefits. Fuck buddies. Two horny teenage boys who just wanna fuck... and be friends. That's all. That's us. We aren't romantically involved nor will we ever be. I hate how my brain gets so attached to anyone I fuck... especially since I kinda see Jay as an "older brother" figure, which makes no sense until you actually meet him and vibe with him... and like,,, I've always wanted that?

Tommorow I'm gonna ask for him to come over to watch a movie... but idk if I should actually ask because my parents kinda hate me now for fucking up so much. I'll do my homework and clean my room first... which will take up all my time proabably :( it's okay. Maybe some other time :(

I dont want him to lose interest in me though.

.... its 1:56 a.m.

Okay. Okay. I'll say it. I love him.

Goodnight, tumblr.

-Jude

#JudeJournals #jude shepard #tumblr diary #journal

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geniuscloud · 7 years

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Bad Liar- Chapter Three

I kinda went a little long on this chapter so enjoy! ALSO PLEASE DON’T BE MAD. I don’t know how to collapse the story so it doesn’t show up as long. I apologize! If anyone knows, PLEASE TELL ME!! Please let me know what you guys think, or if you have anything to say at all. I love hearing feedback! Thank you to everyone who has been reading this series. It means a lot to me. Xx

Genre: Fluff, Angst, and a little suggestive.

Jaebum/JB (GOT7) X Orginal Character

Collage/University AU

Warrnings: May cause slight heart break, and rage towards characters.

May contain: Brief mentions of BTS members.

Groggily I moved my arm, swinging it around, trying to blindly feel for my phone which wouldn’t stop beeping. The new semester meant waking up at 6am every morning for a 7:30am class; though luckily my classes ended by noon. Every ‘day one’ my first class was at 11am, and classes only lasted until 3:15pm. The only problem, I’m not a morning person. I get grumpy and agitated really easily until about 9am, then I start to properly wake up and join society as a happy person.

I got up after about 10 minutes of pep talking myself, chanting things like “if you get up today, you can see that cute Barista Jimin before class” and “If you don’t try to attempt murder, you can let yourself get ice cream from the convenience store after class.” After that I jumped in the shower, got dressed in some comfortable clothes, and did a little bit of makeup. I made a deal with myself to start letting my skin have a break on the days that I have class early. No more early morning cake-face, because once you get to university you start to realize sleep is extremely important and no one actually cares how you look early in the morning because everyone is just trying to stay awake to get their money’s worth out of the classes.

Around 6:45 I was almost ready to leave to the coffee shop; slipping on my black doc boots, when I notice I was basically monochrome dressed. Black skinny jeans and a grey shirt. Maybe I should try adding some color to wardrobe like Amie? She always wears such cute and colorful clothes. Maybe I could get more attention from boys if I was always cute like her and… What am I saying? Oh God maybe I’m getting jealous of her? Ugh, stop it. I’m fine the way I am, but… Okay, maybe some color in my wardrobe wouldn’t hurt. It would be better than looking like I’m going to a funeral all the time. I switch out the black jacket for an army green one, hoping that maybe I would look a little more approachable.

I slipped my contacts in last minute, and then grabbed my stuff before locking up. I was lucky now because this semester I have more time in the morning to get to my class. Living a little far away from school meant I got up around 6am for my 8:30am class, so this time it was nice having about half an hour to walk the equivalence of 2 parking lots. I could stop by the coffee shop, chat up the cute guy Jimin, and then head to class without worrying.

The little bell over the door rang as I walked in, a big smile on my face when I saw Jimin. I had gotten to know him a little better once he started working here 3 semesters ago. His dad owned the local coffee shop on campus, and he worked here almost every morning before his classes. He, unlike myself, was a morning person and didn’t mind waking up at 5am to open the shop at 6am. I would rather bathe in boiling water.

“Good morning Jimin!”

“Good morning Micah, you’re here early?” He smiled brightly.

“I moved on campus so I’ll probably be here a little more often, and a lot earlier than usual.”

“That’s cool. I’m glad to see you not as rushed and panicky like last semester.”

“Don’t remind me. Anyways, can I just get a Caramel Latte?” I said, biting my lip while thinking.

“Are you going to drink the whole menu this year as well?”

“We’ll see… Oh can I get a bagel too?”

Jimin ended up giving me the bagel for free as a little gift for being a very frequent customer. He wrote my name on the cup before tucking his light brown hair out of the way, and then resting the marker behind his ear. I sat down at the bar stool beside Jimin’s station munching away on the bagel as we continued to talk. “There sure are quite a few customers in here already and it’s only ten minutes after seven…”

“Yup, we get some really interesting people here when we open and when we close. Like that guy in the right corner hiding under his duvet with his laptop? His name is Taehyung, his friends call him V. He’s been in here every morning for the past 2 weeks right when we open. Even before campus properly opened for classes. That’s his third cup of espresso in two hours, and if you watch closely… He only blinks every 20 to 30 seconds. Apparently, he’s retaking a class and is trying to prepare so he does well. I don’t think he’s slept in a few days. He keeps mumbling something about plants.”

“Maybe he’s doing something to do with plants?”

“He’s a visual art’s major…”

“Uh oh.”

“Yeah, I hope he’s okay though. He’s the reason I put emergency services on speed dial on the business phone,” Jimin laughed pointing to the phone by the register. I finished up my food before grabbing my bag and I was just about to head out the door when I heard Jimin call out, “Hey Micah, are you free this weekend?”

“Uh I think so?”

“Want to go see a movie or something?”

“Yeah, sure! Are you working tomorrow, I can give you my number then? I’ve got to go to class right now” I yelled.

“I’m always here, of course. If you show up, coffee is on me.”

“I’ll be there, bye Jimin!” I darted out the door and started rushing towards my class. I was a language major, my strongest second language being English. My first class on day two was advanced English language and grammar. Which I felt would be a little easier for me, but boy was I wrong. Who knew that American’s were so weird dropping the u in words like colour and neighbour? As well as having words that are spelt the same, but sound different? Live and live, read and read? What is this?! We also established partners for any class activities, which I went to my usual partner throughout the first few semesters we had together. Thank goodness Namjoon was in another one of my classes, because he was really good with English. Where he excelled, I didn’t… though where I excelled cough pronunciation cough he wasn’t AS great. I was better at pronouncing words, and talking without an extremely distinct accent.

After what felt like forever, my classes were finally over. All I wanted to do was go home and sleep but I guess the universe had a different plan because as soon as I got home Amie was hosting what looked like a party. Though it wasn’t any of her new friends, it was JB and the guys. Mark, Jackson, Jinyoung, Youngjae, Yugyeom, and BamBam. All 6 of JB’s close guy friends were in the living room packed around the built coffee table eating. It was a typical sight for me, just usually it took place at JB’s house. Youngjae was kicking everyone’s ass at video games like usual, while the others cheered him on. I saw Amie sat on the couch, pressed between JB and Yugyeom, with a bowl of chips in her hand.

“What the hell are you guys doing here?” I yelled over the TV. The game paused in an instant, all their eyes darting over to my position by the front door. No one had even noticed me coming in.

“Micah! You’re home, how are you?” Jackson smiled getting up from the floor and coming to give me a hug. He was the only one who really made an effort to come and greet me, which was a little unusual. Normally the guys were pretty excited to see me since I don’t get to see them often.

“I’m doing good. Class was boring… Amie how was your first day on campus?”

“It was fun. I went to that little café and got a coffee. The barista says he knows you!”

“Ah that’s Jimin, yeah he’s my friend. Oh by the way, we’re going to catch a movie this weekend. Do you want to come too?”

“Micah, that sounds like a date. Did you seriously just ask me to third wheel your date?” Amie smirked, raising her eyebrow.

“Micah has a date? With someone other than Jae…” Yugyeom announced before Jinyoung gave him a solid elbow to the ribs.

I rolled my eyes, “It’s not a date. Anyways, can you guys explain why you are all here?”

“You didn’t tell us you had a cute roommate who could cook!” BamBam, placing the controller down.

“I just got her yesterday, and I didn’t know she could cook.” “Well she’s great, you’re going to be seeing a lot of us if she’s here and making food. Try the pork buns!”

I sighed, walking over to the rest of the guys. I was going to sit down with them but with the 8 of them taking all the chairs and carpet space, it really didn’t seem like a welcoming environment. Amie shot me a small apologetic smile before answering the question in my head. “JB brought them over to surprise us. He said they are your friends too, and also thought it would nice to introduce them to me in the meantime.”

“It sure was a surprise…” I huffed. I threw my bag in my room, laying down on my bed for comfort. I just wanted sleep, or death at this point. This was starting to get a little annoying. I’m the kind of girl who likes a plan, and I don’t like drastic changes. When things don’t go the way as planned, I start to get agitated. My theoretical plan would be moving in with my childhood best friend, going to school, having this place as my relaxing safe space, and then JB’s place would be where I go for socializing. Now JB is here and brought the looney toon bunch with him…Plus my roommate is too much of a socializer to say no and turn them away.

“Micah? Are you coming back? Youngjae wants to verse you too!” Mark called from the doorway.

“I don’t have anywhere to sit” I exclaimed as I paced over to the group.

“Just sit on my lap, I don’t mind. I have strong thighs. Though I can stand if you want to sit down,” Jackson smiled sweetly. Some people would take that as a dirty suggestion, but Jackson was actually just a genuinely sweet guy.

“That’s not happening, Micah can sit here. I’ll stand…” JB interrupted, getting off the couch and moving to the side. I slid beside Amie, who still looked a little uncomfortable.

“So, what are we playing?”

“It’s a Grand Theft Auto death match,” Yugyeom replied passing BamBam’s controller over.

“Oh, you’re back playing this old game? I thought you guys would have been playing something new like Overwatch or something.”

“Hey why doesn’t Amie verse Micah?” JB asked. All the guys seemed to really like the idea of us playing.

“Okay, but just so you know I’m great at playing games” Amie replied, grabbing Youngjae’s remote.

“Getting cocky, are we? Care to make it a bet?”

“The winner gets something that belongs to the loser. Winner’s choice.”

“Deal.”

“I should warn you Micah, I never lose.”

“Neither do I” I smirked.

Saturday rolled around faster than I anticipated. Even though the guys said they would be over frequently, I hadn’t seen them since Monday. Which was a good break I guess… At least I was able to focus on school more, and I even got to hang out with Amie. We went shopping together a little bit, she got her nails done while I watched. We just had some free time to reconnect and get back on the same page as before. We both had changed a lot, but the chemistry was still there for the most part. She told me stories about living in the UK, and in Sweden. Apparently, she felt kind of lonely and awkward being part of the minority compared to when she’s home in Korea. The world has differently beauty standards, and here… She’s considered model gorgeous, like one of the most glamourous looking idols.

I woke up a little late on Saturday morning to the sounds of Amie making breakfast. She was busy trying to make crepes, but she dropped the pan before it made its way to the stove top. I ran in to check on her, reassuring myself that she was okay.

“What the hell happened?”

“I was holding my phone and the pan in one hand, and then it buzzed which startled me and I dropped the pan” she said, lifting the pan off the floor, “thank goodness there was no crepe batter in there yet.”

I picked up her phone off the floor, the screen lighting up with a message, “Who’s Jae emoji peach?”

“Oh, it’s JB. Get it Jaebum? Jae-bum. As in peach emoji, because it looks like a booty.”

“Yeah, I-uh… I get it. So, what’s going on with him?”

“Hmm?”

“Are you guys like…?”

“We’re just friends for now. He is going to come over soon though, he said since you’re busy maybe we could hang out and go for dinner” she smiled into her phone, “You’re okay with that right?”

“Yeah why wouldn’t I be? I have a date with Jimin anyways.”

“Thank you again for being super cool with all of this. I really like JB, and I think he likes me too. I hope you don’t feel awkward about this…”

“Me? Awkward? Psssh. We’re history, done, the past is the past. I have absolutely no romantic feelings for him whatsoever.” Amie put a crepe on my plate, decorated with strawberries and crème. I instantly shoved it in my face, trying to keep myself from talking because this could go really bad, really fast.

“Hey do you want help getting ready for your date with Jimin? I obviously love doing makeup and hair for other people. I could help with an outfit too?” Amie suggested.

“Oh, I don’t want to burden you…”

“It’s not a problem at all. I mean I saw Jimin, that guy is the most aesthetically pleasing guy I’ve seen in a very long time. He’s super attractive and would look really cute with you. You should doll it up a little an impress him.”

“If you want to… Please don’t make me look too uncomfortable though. I still want to look like me” I begged.

At first, she tried to dress me like her. A white crop top with a floral skater skirt, and sandals. Which was a huge “nope” in my books. We argued a little bit over my outfit, and then she finally went to MY closet to look for clothes. We settled on a black tank top, light high-waisted shorts, and my army green jacket. Once the clothes were settled she finally submitted to making me, still look like me. The makeup was neutral colored, and she added more body into my hair.

“Now you have that more intense beach wave look. It suits you, and it’s cute” she smiled, letting me finally look at myself. I’m not going to lie, I was feeling pretty damn confident in myself right now. The best part was that I still looked like me, just a little cuter. “You’re a work of art, now hurry up Jimin is going to be here in a little bit. JB should be here in a few minutes as well.”

I texted Jimin, letting him know I was ready. He replied that he was almost at the campus, and that he’ll be here soon. A knock at the door brought me to my feet, rushing to the door with excitement. I was really hoping for a good reaction from Jimin, since he usually sees me sleep deprived and not at my best. “Hey Jimi… Oh it’s you.” “Well nice to see you too ‘Best Friend” JB mocked, giving me a slight hug while entering.

“Sorry I’m just waiting for Jimin and he said he’d be here soon so I assumed it was him.”

“Wow, I’m hurt. You’re not even excited to see me anymore. What have I done to deserve this kind of treatment?”

“You keep coming over uninvited?”

“That’s not the point,” he laughed. He gave me a quick scan before returning his eyes back to mine, “You look good. Trying to impress a guy I assume?”

“Well now that I’m back in the dating game, I guess I better put some effort into it.”

“Admit it, I ruined you” Jaebum laughed, shaking his head side to side in a joking matter.

“You completely destroyed me, I’ll never be the same now” I rolled my eyes, cracking a huge smile.

“Seriously though Micah, you look good. I’m happy for you.” I felt a blush creep over my cheeks before adverting my eyes to the front door as the knocking sound protruded from it.

“Well I better go, I’ll see you later. Have fun with Amie, not too much fun though!”

“Same with you!” He called after me, as I closed the door behind him. He only caught a glimpse of Jimin’s face, the two of them sending each other a small smile.

Jimin was a kind guy, and was super sweet. You could tell by his little actions that he was super careful with every move, and he was also very caring and adorable. We saw a puppy running around in the parking lot after it escape from its owner, and oh my Lord, I’ve never seen a man act cuter with a puppy before. It made me want to plant a huge kiss on his plump lips, and squeeze him to death. Jimin was so kind to every person we met, making sure to say thank you and respectfully greet the people we came in contact with.

I got to know the little details about him and his life. His family had been running the little coffee shop his grandmother opened, on the side of their everyday jobs. Jimin had offered to basically take over as manager for the mornings because of his classes, and the pay was really good because of number of “hangry” students that stopped by. The most interesting thing I had learned about him was that he was actually a contemporary dancer, and could sing as well. Though he was too shy to sing in public, and promised to sing for me another time.

The date as a whole was really good, I enjoyed myself. Though there was a tiny piece of me who also couldn’t deny that we didn’t really have the relationship chemistry. He was an amazing guy, and he was really attractive, but we were also, really different. He was a morning person who cared so much about other, and was this bubbly ray of sunshine. Myself on the other hand, was a night owl who would cause murder if I was awoken too early for my own liking. I also had the tendency to be a little bit of a moody person and sometimes I can act like a total jerk. That was kind of the reason JB and I worked well together. We were always watching out for each other when our personalities were at their worst. We also understood how each other felt because we both know how it feels.

Maybe I wasn’t acting being sarcastic when I said JB ruined me, because there was a little bit of truth to that. I was always kind of comparing guys to JB. I realize now that maybe I just need to talk to JB about it. We never really had a proper conversation after the break up. We just instantly went back to friends, and just swept the feelings under the rug. Maybe it was time that we talk about things, especially if the two of us feel it’s time to properly start moving on. I couldn’t do that to Jimin anyways. That’s the worst thing I could probably do; starting a relationship with him before I even properly figure out my feelings for my best friend.

Jimin dropped me off at my dorm, which was still empty at the time. I invited him in for a little bit to thank him for taking me out and share some of the cake we bought from the bakery before we arrived. In the end, the evening was really nice. I had fun, and promised that we’d hang out a little more… as friends. I gave him a big hug before saying goodbye. It hadn’t been more than a minute or two when I noticed he had left his headphone on the counter. I grabbed them, slipping on my shoes and swung open the door. As soon as I lifted my head I was stunned to see two bodies in front of me. JB and Amie, planting a deep kiss on each other.

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spacedorksandlions · 7 years

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some things never change

A Kidge fluffy summer au because why not!

Also on AO3

She loves him, she supposes. It is simple enough. One of her brother’s friends, a few years older than she is. It would have been a love story for the ages, right? High school sweethearts, friends. Two people who manage to click into place early-on and no matter who gets between them, they easily fit back into a routine.

It’s a shame the world doesn’t work that simply, doesn’t it?

They’re both in college when memories resurface that make her blush. And the conversation isn’t even about him. Nobody knows that they were friends for years. Not a single soul knows that they were there for each other during the darkest times in their lives.

She’s texting Keith furiously, a furrow in her brow as she rants about the day. She doesn’t even notice as one of her friends snatches her phone from her hand.

“What have we here?” Lance declares, and she’s ready to punch him in the gut and take back her phone. “Katie has a boyfriend.”

“Gimme back my phone.” She stands up, a hand on her waist and the other outstretched. “He’s not my boyfriend.” She’s mildly relieved that his name on her phone is Red, an inside joke from their childhood.

Her upperclassman friend begins scrolling upwards through the messages. “You’re like an old married couple. Seriously.”

She jumps up, retaking her phone. “We are not,” she huffs. “And how many times have I told you and Hunk? Don’t. Touch. My. Stuff.”

Her phone vibrates in her hand, and she scowls at the message.

She picks up her backpack, slinging it over her shoulder. “See you in class.”

She manages to make it to a quiet hall in one of the academic buildings when she lets out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. She closes her eyes for a second, memories from their childhood resurfacing, one of a group project back in high school where they’d tease each other and get into stupid arguments.

She had wanted to date him.

She had wanted to go to prom with him.

But neither of those things happened, because everyone teased them about it. And he seemed so offended when their families and friends had made those comments that she wouldn’t say anything.

She takes out her phone, shooting a message to him with a smiley emoji, a thanks for listening to her complaining even though he has an exam the next day.

They’ve been just friends for years.

Her heart still flutters as she hits send.

They meet up again that summer, a huge beach trip that she’s managed to finagle together and they’re holding at the beach house of one of her sorority sisters. Allura is the daughter of a CEO and amazingly rich. In fact, the beach week was her idea. She’s bringing her friends from home and school at Allura’s request of “the more the merrier”.

She’s the one who is driving, her green pickup filled to the brim with suitcases and beach stuff. Keith’s next to her, shoes up on the dash. She’s given up telling him to put his feet down; he’s done this ever since she got her license—she and Matt drove him to college. Matt’s asleep in the backseat, thankfully not snoring, but she’ll be mad if he leaves drool stains on the seats. Shiro’s already there, having offered to bring food ahead of time.

“Pidge,” Keith says, as the music changes from summer beachy pop to Katie’s next playlist of songs.

She hums in acknowledgement.

“Who’s going to be here?” He’s not the most outgoing, especially around people she doesn’t know.

She gives him a quick overview of her friends, explaining how Lance will flirt with anyone, how Hunk is super sweet, and how Allura is a little bit overbearing but a genuinely beautiful soul. It seems like she’s the connecting factor, and that’s somewhat worrying.

She’s about to mention as much when Keith stops scrolling through her phone.

“Wait, you have the entire Hamilton soundtrack and the Hamilton Mixtape on your phone? Why are we listening to anything else?”

She laughs at that, a bubbling laughter that has tears pricking at the corner of her eyes. She’s not even able to catch her breath as the music starts up. “You’re such a dork.”

“You’re one to talk,” he quips back.

They arrive as the sun is high in the sky, to a house that’s more like a mansion than anything. It’s white with blue accents, and Allura waves from the second-floor balcony, dressed in a lilac sundress and her platinum-colored hair blowing in the wind. Katie honks her horn in response.

Keith folds his arms, leaning over to whisper, “You didn’t say that she’s freaking rich.”

She parks the car, jolting her brother from his sleep. “Wake up, Matt.”

They spend most of their time at the beach, as Katie watches from the safety of the shaded indoors. She does not want a sunburn within the first two days of their time. She finds herself watching the others, and chilling in Allura’s hot tub, because of course she’s got a hot tub. She’s wearing a one-piece swimsuit, the only one she’s got.

Allura’s appalled at that, and drags Katie to a nearby surf shop to buy new bathing suits, and Katie settles on two different ones that meet the older girl’s requirements: bikini and flattering. She likes the first one the best, the top’s green with white polka dots and paired with a high-waisted bottom. Allura insists on the other, a strapless push-up top with frills and equally frilled bottoms. It’s a red that is surprisingly flattering on her, but that she’d never buy if Allura hadn’t encouraged her.

She makes her way to the beach that day, wide-brimmed hat on her head and wearing the highest SPF sunscreen she’d found. Everyone else seems to have bonded well, even if Keith and Lance seem to be at each other’s throats. It’s amusing: two of her closest friends who are surprisingly similar can’t stand the sight of each other.

She turns as she hears Hunk call out, “Katie! You’re outside!” He’s floating out in the ocean on a yellow tube. He waves, causing himself to tumble out and into the waves. He resurfaces a few seconds later, “I’m okay!”

Managing a wave, she grins. “I’m gonna end up burnt. Like Matt.” She inclines her head at her brother, whose back is already pink and peeling.

“Gross,” Lance says, already walking towards her, Keith hot on his heels. Apparently, their one-on-one volleyball match wasn’t working out.

“Not all of us can have a ton of melanin,” Keith replies drily, “What’s with the sundress, Pidge?”

“Didn’t want to get burnt, that’s all.” She puts down her towel underneath the umbrella, silently grateful that this isn’t a public beach with lots of people. It’s nice. She’s not about to admit that she feels strange wearing a bikini for the first time in years.

“Can’t get burnt if you’re underwater,” Lance declares. “Now toss that dress and let’s go!”

“I, uh-” she gulps. “Okay.” She drops her hat on the towel, before tugging at the bottom of her dress. What does it matter, it’s just a bikini. Still, she covers her body, as much as her arms will allow.

Lance whistles. “Damn, girl, trying to kill us? Polka dots and everything.”

“Really?” Keith bristles, “Uncalled for, man.”

Katie waves it off. “Allura took me out shopping.” She loops her arms through both of theirs and starts dragging them towards the water. As she does, she adds, “Tease me about this suit again and you’ll wake up floating on a mattress in the ocean.”

Keith lets out a hesitant laugh, while Lance snorts. “Sure, sure.”

“She’s not joking,” Keith says, deadpan.

“Sorry.”

She just smiles in response, and Lance rushes towards the water.

“You’re devious, you know that?”

“Please, you’re the one who taught me most of my pranks.” She elbows Keith in the ribs. “Plus he’s a serial flirt. He’s never gonna end up really dating if he keeps it up.”

“You know, you do look nice like that,” he says, not looking at her.

“Liar.”

“I’m not going to toss you in the water.”

She stares at him in confusion for a second before he scoops her up by her waist. She struggles, limbs flailing, as he gets to knee-deep water. “Don’t you-” He winds up as the next rolling wave comes forward and launches her, “-dare!”

Katie tumbles underneath the water, her hair falling in front of her face. She gasps as she submerges, and gets bowled over by another, larger wave. Her feet are swept out from underneath her and she can’t tell which way is up when she feels an arm around her waist again, this time pulling her out of the water.

“I hate you, what was that for?”

“Well, now calling me a liar is true.”

“Seriously, to prove a point?”

“Yup.”

“I hate you.”

He laughs, beaming at her as he lets her down slowly. “Nah, you love me.”

She whacks him on the head but doesn’t deny it.

Allura pulls her to the side right before their vacation is almost over, in a secluded hallway. The older girl’s all awkward and nervous, clenching and relaxing her hands.

“You okay, Allura?”

“Not really. I’m tense. This is a tense situation.”

Katie arches an eyebrow. “Why?”

Her face turns pink, not quite matching the tattoos on her cheekbones. “I may….” She mumbles the last bit hastily and quiet.

“What?”

“I may have kissed Shiro.”

“And?”

“I haven’t talked to him since.”

Katie rolls her eyes at that. “Go. Talk to him.”

“Really?”

“Yes.” She rolls her eyes again. “Go!”

Allura leaves, her maxi dress catching the wind and making her look more eloquent than ever. She turns around at the end of the hall. “You should talk to Keith.”

“What?”

“I’m not blind.” And with that, she leaves the hall.

She’s not crushing on the guy she got over five years ago. Or flirting.

Right?

Katie decides to seclude herself in her room for the rest of the afternoon, only emerging for meals and other necessities. Everything feels heavy, as she’s realizing just what it is that she feels about Keith. And yeah, she likes him. She’s liked him since she was a silly freshman in high school and he was two years older and actually valued her as a person. Or maybe it was before that, when he’d find her skipping class in middle school, when she was in sixth grade and he was in eighth, making sure that she was actually okay and fighting her bullies to make sure that they don’t tease her again. Or maybe it was when Matt dragged his new friends home when she was still in preschool and the grumpy black-haired one smiled at her and said she was pretty.

She flops down onto her bed and screams into her pillow.

There’s a knock at her door.

“One second.”

“Kitty, open up.”

She makes her way over to the door, opening it just a crack. “Hey, Matt.”

“Can I come in?”

She opens the door, and her brother moves past her, taking a seat on her bed. “You okay, Kitty?”

“Actually, yeah.” She presses her lips into a thin line before smiling. “I’ve just been thinking.”

“About?”

“Something Allura asked me.”

“She’s been nagging me all week about Shiro and also about your relationship with Keith.” He folds his arms. “Guessing it’s the second one?”

“Both, actually. But you’re right.”

“Are you finally going to ask my idiot friend out?”

She stares at her brother exasperatedly. “I was just going to talk to him.”

“You should ask him out.”

Katie punches her brother in the arm. “Why would I do that?”

“Because he’s oblivious.”

“Oh.” She’s about to punch him again, when she halts mid-swing. “OH!”

“Yeah.”

“Oh.”

Matt smirks at her. “Maybe get your vocabulary back up from monosyllables before doing that.”

“You suck.”

“Still monosyllabic.”

They’re all leaving the next morning, and Katie’s by herself. Everyone else is out lounging on the beach, but Katie finds herself in the hot tub once again. Her other bathing suit’s out to dry, so she’s stuck wearing the very revealing one and doesn’t want to deal with more sunburn than she’s already got.

She still hasn’t talked to Keith. She’s not sure what to say. How do you tell one of your closest friends that you’re in love with them without freaking them out and either sending them running for the hills or causing yourself heartbreak?

“Hey, Pidge.” His voice breaks her out of her ponderings.

“Keith? What are you doing here?” She sinks herself even lower into the water, so that it covers her chest as well. “I thought you were on the beach with everyone else.”

“Mind if I join you?”

“Not like I could stop you if I tried,” she shoots back, a grin crossing her face.

He strips off his black shirt and she doesn’t stare at his abs or chest at all. Nope. Not a chance. Sliding into the hot tub right next to her, blanching. There are bubbles from the jets, obscuring her body, but all that’s visible is her head and shoulders.

“Please tell me you’re wearing a top.”

She deadpans, face expressionless, “No. Got a problem with that?”

He starts stammering, his face going from ghostly pale to as red as her bikini. “I—uh…”

She manages to keep a straight face for a solid fifteen seconds before the corners of her lips start to twitch and she bursts out into laughter. “Oh, gosh, your face!”

“That was not funny, Pidge!!”

“Really?” She raises an eyebrow. He does look mortified though.

“I hate you.”

“Nah, you love me,” she responds.

“Can’t deny that,” he mutters, resting his head back on the side of the hot tub, staring intently at the ceiling.

She shifts so she’s resting her head against his chest. “Sorry I’ve been distant the past few days.”

“Allura said you were worrying about something. I figured you’d talk to me if you wanted to. Besides, I still do have my phone and you didn’t send me any messages.”

“Still sorry.”

“Want to talk about it?” he runs a hand through her hair, fiddling with the ends.

“Not sure how to talk about it,” she mumbles into his chest.

“Please, you rant to me about the stupidest little things that happen to you. I know you can ramble.”

Katie sighs. “True.”

“I won’t force you to talk.”

She pulls herself up to sitting, forcing to look him in the eyes. She knows she’s vulnerable in this moment, but that doesn’t matter. They’ve already nearly crossed the line a few times this vacation, borderline breaking their friendship in the hope for more. She only vainly hopes that he feels the same.

“You’re one of the people who’s closest to me, you know that, right?” She begins, and she sees his face fall at that. Immediately she starts backtracking, inwardly cursing herself for starting like that. That sounds like she’s got a secret, like some huge dark secret like being an addict or something. She doesn’t realize that her brain-to-mouth filter is already gone. She reminds him of how they’d always been teased about being a couple in their younger years, and how even now she’s being teased by Lance about it.

She’s rambling now, her words circling back and going on tangents, yet he seems enthralled by her words, watching her as she gestures with her hands and bites her lower lip between sentences. Keith catches one of her hands in his own.

“Pidge,” he says softly, despite her continuing to ramble. “Hey.”

“It’s stupid that I like you okay? I know you don’t feel the same so—”

He cuts her off, “Wait, why do you say that?”

“Because you’ve acted the same around me for years.”

“You’ve acted the same for years.”

“I’ve liked you for years,” she snaps.

“Same.”

“Guess they’re telling the truth of us bickering like a couple.”

He leans forward. “We’d have to be a couple first.”

She tilts her head up. “Clearly I’m not opposed to that.” She’s drawn to his lips, and it’s taking all of her self control not to lean forward and close the mere inches between them.

“Good.” He licks his lips, “Can I kiss you?”

“I’d be offended if you didn’t.”

To everyone else, it seems as though little has changed. The only indication is that Katie now lets him rub circles into her shoulders when it appears that no one is looking, and that Keith doesn’t feel awkward when she interlaces her fingers with his.

It’s a subtle change, but honestly, that’s just how she likes it. She pecks him on the cheek while they sit by the bonfire that night, eliciting a wolf-whistle from Lance and a shout of “took you guys long enough!” from her brother.

She settles herself into Keith’s side, watching the crackling firewood. It’s surprising, that it’s taken them years to settle and realize how they feel. But honestly, she doubts they would have been ready for it beforehand. Breathing deeply, she inhales the scent of smoke and saltwater mingled with something she has no word for other than Keith.

He wraps an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close.

The following semester, Lance steals her phone again, holding it out of her reach. “Who’re you texting? Your boyfriend?”

“Yes. Now, Lance, give me my phone back.”

“Nuh-uh.” He fiddles with her phone for a minute before clicking send, and Katie groans. “What did you send him?”

“Just a picture of you from the summer.”

Katie snatches back her phone. “How many times have I told you not to touch my things?”

He shrugs.

She smiles at the picture. Some things never change, do they?

#mine #kidge #summer au #longtime crush #I LOVE THESE DORKS OK #keith #pidge #kidge fanfic #totally ended up different from what I was planning but whatever

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seongkiran-blog · 7 years

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( i’m sobbing she’s precious )

hi guys, i’m jules and i’m so excited to be a part of this rp !! i just saw that my app was in all caps by mistake bc my phone likes to fuck with me like that and i’m cringing omg. so i applied a few days ago but life got super hectic and i only just reapplied now that i’ve come up for air rip. but this is my eternally fucked, lowkey honey girl kiran who thinks she’s stoic and intimidating af but more often than not has the smallest of smiles at the v least on her face. here’s some basic — & extensive, sorry lmao — info about her ( TW: death, self-destructive behaviour, adjustment disorder/situational depression ) :

born seong kiran/kiran diana seong on march 12, 1997

scarborough, canada born and raised to first-gen korean-canadian parents

the epitome of a bitter smol™ that’s prepared to fight over everything (stubborn brat )

has twin five year old siblings that she fucking adores, which is a big deal since she doesn’t care intensely for many people

her parents were both only kids that ventured into science-based careers; her mom was a pharmacist at her late grandparents’ small clinic and her dad was a neurosurgeon at toronto gen hospital, so they were upper-middle class you could say

s u c k e d at making friends in her formative years and when she did, they didn’t stay for v long

plenty of chances for her to find new friends though since the gta is huge and has a ton of other kids around so it wasn’t all in vain

also her vanity when she was a kid was prob a turn off for others lol

smart af, like english? a’s. math? a’s french? a+

eventually didn’t suck at the whole friend thing and had a small group of people she grew rather fond of

she ended up graduating as valedictorian and was accepted to mcgill to study pre-med and become a neurosurgeon just like papa seong

always wanted to follow in his footsteps, so it came as no surprise to her parents

( TW: DEATH ) during her midterm break in her first sem, her parents decided to take the family to their cabin near muskoka for a weekend away from the city/suburbs

they were a little over halfway there when her dad tried to veer the suv away from a moose in the middle of their lane, but wasn’t successful

kiran was conscious during the whole thing, though she sustained a concussion and the twins were unharmed in their carseats; however their mother died on impact and their father suffered from a cranial injury ( .. i only just realized how ironic and morbid this is after working with this muse for a while oh my g o d )

she went with the twins to the hospital and was inconsolable over the loss of her mother alone, while her father was in critical condition and the outlook was promising, though not certain

he was put in a medically induced coma after being operated on and she and her godparents ( who advised her on the whole thing since they were docs themselves ) decided to hold out hope for a recovery

the twins were put in her care and she was left to deal with the burden of their loss, her education and the obvious, her brother and sister’s newfound dependency on her

she withdrew from the few people she became close to over the years, her grades began to slip as well, and she was always weighed down by grief and anxiety

she tried to stay in school while taking care of the twins, but it was becoming more and more difficult to do so. she just managed to keep her head above water throughout the rest of the first sem though

moved out of res, into an apartment and relocated the twins for the time being to see if she could pull it off

( TW: SELF-DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOUR ) add the fact that a part of her began to question if she could really follow in her dad’s footsteps, and that she let further anxiety from the pressures of making her parents proud get to her and she was soon on a downward spiral

she slipped away from her academics and was slowly becoming a poor guardian; soon, kiran was partying too hard and winding up in the hospital or a stranger’s dorm, skipping labs, and was generally a lost cause when the twins were under the care of a sitter

failed a couple of courses by the end of the second semester and had her godparents flying out to crack down on her dumb ass

felt hopeless and lost, but especially so when she posed the risk of losing the only family that she had left, realizing how selfish her actions were and trying to amend her mistakes

dropped out of mcgill for the time being and took up a job as a retail clerk to provide for the three of them ( despite inheriting their mom’s estate and all, as she put the money that came from it into the kids’ savings )

was soon in the clear in her godparents’ opinion and has tried to do right by her parents and siblings since then

after losing herself for a while, she found that she was right back to where she started with friend-making, but rather than it being her just not knowing how, it was that she didn’t want to let people in after everything that had happened

she didn’t remain a loner, but she didn’t have a ride or die by any means

for the sake of her a.d and bc of the bad memories that t.o and mtl held, she found herself relocating to greenville of all places

but deep down she knows mama seong would be happy about the kids growing up in a smaller town than near dt toronto

about four months after settling in, she began attending a nearby college in what would have been her fourth semester and has since maintained a high gpa after retaking the courses she fucked up in

her dad has since woken up, but he’s going through extensive forms of therapy to restore his motor, neurological, etc functions

she’d be back in t.o if her godparents hadn’t advised against it since it was still rly overwhelming for him and his three kids ( two of whom wouldn’t rly know him either ) coming back prob wouldn’t help ??

still has nightmares from the accident, the girl’s scarred for life and is thankful that the twins were too young to remember

sees a psychiatrist at the behest of her godmother bc she rly can’t cope by herself in all of this but she doesn’t like to burden others with her problems ( doesn’t like people knowing much about her regardless but )

now to her personality and extra facts ig ??? this has gotten so out of hand already, sTOP ME

the most stubborn chick alive, will never admit she’s wrong unless you weasel it out of her with some heavy guilt-tripping

she used to be a fucking NIGHTMARE to most people before everything went awry, still can be but it’s more or less an act with a little bit of it also being herself

a true instagram addict, which makes sense bc she can be p vain at times

rather intuitive tbh

can be insightful as well

feigns annoyance and boredom with people/their antics

some weird ass detachment method on her part that she didn’t shake, but question her on it and she’ll shut it tf down

but is still genuinely, easily irritated all the same ?? not even i understand this chick

curses like a sailor is she isn’t too curt in her responses

has a problem with trusting others, feels like she can only truly rely on herself so if you break through that barrier then congrats ig

she won’t make it obvious though, she’s a sociable being and will actually take to you if you pique her interest with free booze or a wild story

just don’t expect her to surrender much of her life story, but she’ll also get a bit offended if you don’t offer a bit of your own ??

the most annoying internalizer of emotions ever if you’re actually friends with her, 110% will not confide in you if you’re not one of four or five people in her life

also fears loss more than anything, so she isn’t close to many people for BOTH the trusting aspect, as well as wanting to spare herself the pain of watching more loved ones die or leave

but if you’re one of the v select few people she’s let in completely, she’ll never let you go. she’s the definition of loyal and will legit die for you

so so devoted to her little brother and sister, like she loves them more than anything and does everything so that they can succeed when they’re older

all of the sports acceptable for kindergarteners, music lessons, ballet, you name it, she’s got them registered

puts them before herself all the fucking time, her mom wouldn’t be impressed with her putting herself last as opposed to finding equilibrium

anyways, point is, you’ll never see her be more affectionate and joyful than with her family, godparents included

her being good with other kids though ?? she’s been working on it and she’s coming around

still can’t stand screaming brats though lmao

will be super polite to even her enemy’s parents mostly bc fuck that person.. unless their parents aren’t pleasant people either, then she’ll be unpleasant right back lmao

trust me when i say that she has a heart of gold and will do what’s morally right, is so so soft but will forever be in denial like i cannOT STRESS ENOUGH

defensive pessimism at its finest

fluent in french and korean

memes are lowkey the way to her heart

well, memes and food ofc

such a poutine hoe™

sci fi junkie

here for aesthetically pleasing everything

her place is almost never in disorder, oddly enough

quite the party girl, though not the same as when she was a frosh, is able to control herself when there aren’t too many stressors plaguing her

queer af, doesn’t know what her sexuality is but she knows she isn’t straight ( but for all intents and purposes, she’s pansexual )

she just needs someone else to take care of her honestly, she still doesn’t know what she’s doing with herself lmao

trying her best™ to be better in general but change doesn’t happen overnight so she’s not rushing into it, aka she’s still comfortable with being a bit of an asshole for as long as possible

you sometimes won’t know who she is from one day to the next, kind of the personification of a wild ride

so that’s kiran, if you’d like to plot just hmu or like this and i’ll come to you !! i’ll link some possible connections later bc my laptop’s about to die and i can’t find the charger anywhere ? @my mom, pls stop moving my stuff, it’s giving me more heart palpitations than my econ final last month

#ooc tbd.#i'm too lazy to try to figure one out rn lmao

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secretshinigami · 7 years

Text

The Rising Tennis Ball

Author: @silvia-aivlis

For: @tzigi

Pairings/Characters: mainly Light, a little of the To-Oh people (Kyoko and the tennis guy who doesn’t have a name)… pairings same as canon and are not the focus at all, anyway.

Rating/Warnings: General Audiences

Prompt: Light’s first day at To-Oh after L’s death

Author’s notes: … No one is going to ask, but I made up the family names of Kyoko and tennis boy. Apart from that, I don’t really have anything to say about the fic except what would inevitably involve spoilers, so… have a nice day. And happy birthday, Light.

The young woman’s silhouette was unfamiliar. Her hair was brown like his, but longer, covering her shoulders.

She turned and the first thing that caught his attention was her blue eyes, which reminded him of Misa wearing contacts. Was she wearing contacts?

He definitely had not met her before.

Why was she holding a white candle with one hand? Was it night already?

The young woman raised her other hand and he turned to see where she was pointing at.

Yes, it was night. He could see the moon now. A full moon.

His attention returned to the young woman when she suddenly spoke.

‘The brightest star in the sky.’

She did not say anything more. She gazed afar, unmoving as a statue.

His eyes were drawn to her burning candle again. Only that beneath the flame was not wax.

The candle was made up of white sugar cubes.

But that was…

Suddenly anxious, he confirmed that there was no handcuff surrounding his wrist. Now he only had to affirm…

He looked around but there was nothing to be seen.

His eyes wandered to the sky again.

Its king, the luminous floating globe reigning over the realm of blackness, had two dark curves on it. They were all the more glaring because of their stark contrast with bright moonlight…

But what he had thought was the moon, was not.

It was a tennis ball, and the dark curves were the oval on it.

Someone had shot a tennis ball up to the sky and it hanged there, not rising or falling.

Just glowing.

The classroom door opened and Light Yagami woke up.

Mentally, for a few futile moments, he latched onto the image of sugar cube candles and lunar tennis balls, but the memory slipped away like water in a funnel.

And he did not have the time to recall his dream. The incomers instantly recognised and engaged him.

‘Light! You haven’t been in To-Oh for almost half a year, we thought you’ve dropped out!’

‘Are you OK? Not having an accident, I hope?’

‘Where have you been?’

Brashness never changes, does it? ‘You’re the same as ever—never beat around the bush!’ Light replied with a smile, and even added a friendly chuckle. ‘I was just too busy so I took a leave. I’m still doing less courseload until next April.’

‘What?’

‘I could only take two classes now since I didn’t pass any first semester courses. Plus it’s already the middle of the second one.’

‘Oh crap, so you need to retake?’

‘Wish me luck.’

More students had entered the classroom, as did the professor, meaning that Light had successfully evaded the question of ‘where he had been’ before the start of lesson. He wouldn’t tell them the truth anyway—‘L suspected me of being Kira so I was confined and monitored. Actually being Kira, I killed him.’ It would be impolite to cause a scene in the classroom, really.

The sequence recurred after the lecture. This time, someone remembered seeing him and Misa together the last time he was in campus.

The celebrity loving type, I see.

‘Haha, right, I know her. She’s shooting for a movie, I think.’

‘What movie?’

So easy.

Light had no more lesson today, his only other course not having any lecture until the day after tomorrow. But he still lingered in To-Oh.

He had not had the pleasure of being truly alone for a very long time. Even now, he could not shake off the feeling that he was still being watched.

Instinctively, he looked at his wrist to check that there was no handcuff attached. There was no Ryuzaki. Not anymore.

Turning a corner, he glanced around to confirm that there was also no Misa, no shinigami, and no policemen dangling near him.

He might enjoy school a bit more this time, he thought with amusement. It could be a relaxing experience.

There was a buzz in his pocket. Light pulled out his mobile while passing through a particularly crowded shortcut, and his good mood evaporated upon seeing yet another three text messages from Misa.

‘(⁄ ⁄>⁄ ▽ ⁄<⁄ ⁄) MISS YOU already.’

‘Misa in her costume. You’re the first to see (❤ω❤) it!’

‘Misa will cook dinner for you tonight! What do you want to eat?’

Light rolled his eyes before replying only to the last message (with the most polite and charming version of ‘whatever, I don’t care’ he could think of). Remind him why he was enduring this again?

For his new world, naturally.

His grip on the phone tightened. He suddenly felt not just alone, but disconnected, in a corridor packed with ordinary, happy-go-lucky college students.

It’s getting dark and he should go back. He has come so far but still has a lot to do; it could take a long time, maybe even years, for his new world to supplant the old, for crime to be cleansed and justice to be upheld. Tomorrow he would once again continue his ascendance from the number one detective in the world to godhood. Here’s an idea. Later this week he’ll propose to the task force a new way to ‘tab Kira’s movement’—

‘Yagami!’

‘Yagami-kun!’

‘Did we shock you? Oh my gosh so sorry!’

‘I just heard you’re back and I’m sooo glad we found you!’

‘Do you remember us?’

‘I hope you’re not sick!’

‘… Excuse me?’ His shock at being suddenly approached gradually ebbed, and he cursed himself for not noticing the intruders sooner. A headache was also threatening to happen. How could just two people create the sound effect of twenty?

Luckily, the two nuisances finally quieted down a little. ‘Do you really not remember us?’ The female asked. ‘I’m Kyoko. Kyoko Yamaguchi.’

‘Inoue. Yasunaga-senpai and I asked you to join the tennis club back in April, remember?’

‘Dear me. You’re not asking me to join the tennis club now?’

‘I am. Why not? I heard you’re doing just two courses this semester, so you must be free!’

‘…’

‘Look! We’ve been flattened in the inter-school matches this year. You’ve got to help us out!’

‘Sorry but…’

Light tried to explain he would not join the tennis club no matter what, but he stepped on his own toes remembering that he should not give too specific details regarding his ‘absence’ in case whatever excuse he gave did not hold up to future events.

He could not tell them he was busy playing the role of L while plotting Kira’s conquest, could he?

He helplessly watched himself being dragged to the tennis courts. If he would not join the club, Inoue insisted, could he please, please, please take a look at the club’s practice session and give some advice?

With little interest, Light strolled from one court to another, watching how the handful of To-Oh Tennis Club members incompetently flapped their rackets like clumsy walruses. It was incredible how the tennis club of Japan’s number one university could be this bad—too much motion in the take back, weak overhead, couldn’t even serve properly…

No wonder they had so wanted him and Ryuzaki—or ‘Hideki Ryuga’—to join.

‘I still remember the day you played against Ryuga-kun.’ Kyoko suddenly spoke. She was not in the tennis club either, and had been walking by Light’s side all the while. ‘It was a spectacular match!’

Well, what a topic. Tread carefully. ‘I remember you liking Ryuga a lot. You’re the one who insisted that he’s better looking than me, right?’ Light teased. ‘Is Inoue better looking than Ryuzaki now? I didn’t remember seeing you two together at all before. Are you now dating?’

‘No! Well, Inoue isn’t bad looking but—oh, never mind that!’ Kyoko waved her hand profusely, blushing. ‘Talk about something else! Well…’ she sobered up a little, ‘I just wanted to ask, do you know where Ryuga-kun has gone to? He took leave before you, but now even you’re back and he’s still nowhere to be seen… You’re the only one he really socialised with back then. Do you know him outside To-Oh?’

This he had an answer prepared. ‘Unfortunately no. But fortunately no, otherwise my sister would pester me forever for his autograph. She’s very into idols.’

‘What—Yagami-kun! This joke is so old! People only joke about him and the singer back in the first two months!’

‘Sorry.’ He chuckled without the slightest embarrassment. The part about Sayu might be unnecessary, but it fitted the atmosphere he wanted to create. He couldn’t let on what he knew about the fate of ‘Hideki Ryuga’ and this lie was less likely to get out, anyway. ‘But has Ryuga really not come back? Not even once? That guy is strange.’

Kyoko sighed dramatically. ‘I miss him. He has such a wild look with him… What if… what if… if he’s been killed by Kira?’

Light halted as if he had been turned to stone. ‘Excuse me?’ He kept his face straight and voice calm, so that no one could realise how his throat dried and his pulse raced at the simple sentence. She couldn’t have known, his brain worked frantically to reassure, she couldn’t have known.

Kyoko did not find it strange at all that they had stopped in the middle between two tennis courts. With a dreamy look, she continued, ‘don’t you think he might be a criminal with his looks? Maybe he’s the young successor of a crime syndicate and is secretly in charge of all Kanto yakuzas! Maybe his cronies have been downed by Kira one by one and he’s now busy leading some secret mission against Kira… and that’s why he doesn’t have time for college! Maybe… Yagami-kun?’

Kyoko looked at Light in confusion. He had been perfectly composed a moment ago, wearing only a faint smile on his handsome, but he was now trembling all over, one hand covering his mouth to suppress a violent fit of laughter.

He eventually calmed down and assumed an apologetic expression. ‘Sorry, I just found your idea very funny. I didn’t know you have such excellent sense of humour!’ These were exactly the right words to please Kyoko, and her startled look broke into a shy giggle.

Light did not even lie. He did find Kyoko’s fantasy very funny, though for a different reason than what Kyoko imagined—for a reason she could never imagine.

An idea came to him. ‘If a crime lord—doesn’t have to be Ryuga, you know—just, if someone like that really is fighting Kira, who’re you going to cheer for? The crime lord, or Kira?’

‘Mm?’ Kyoko blinked, looking like she had never considered the question at all (which was probably true). ‘Mm…’ She thought hard for some time, and her voice was hesitant when it finally spoke. ‘I wouldn’t want Ryuga to die because he’s someone I know… But if that’s not Ryuga but someone else… Mm… mm… a crime lord is someone who breaks the law… But Kira breaks the law too? Well… then… no wait.’ Kyoko stopped in the middle. A wave of lucidity finally hit her. ‘This is a trick question, right? Your dad works for the police and will catch both, right? I won’t be correct whichever I choose!’

One of Light’s eyebrows had a sudden urge to jump up, but was suppressed by its master, who reacted quickly and appropriately. ‘Haha! My cover is blown!’ Well, he really does have a lot to do… Light chuckled along amiably on the outside, but inwardly he was once again reminded of his desire to leave. ‘It’s getting late. I should find Inoue and then leave—’

‘Watch out!’ A male voice from one of the tennis courts shouted.

They turned to the voice’s direction and were just in time to see a tennis ball flying their way. But it was no threat to any of them, because the ball was so high. Light and Kyoko raised their heads to watch the ball shoot over them, hit one of the lampposts with a metallic sound, fell and bounced on the ground a few times before completely losing its energy.

Light spent a few more seconds to gaze at the sky again. When the tennis ball flew so near the white bulb on the pole—did that remind him of something?

Before he could answer, a player Light did now know ran to retrieve the ball while Inoue reappeared to whine. ‘You see, Yagami? That’s how bad we are. You really need to help us.’

Light sighed and ended his musing. It was unproductive, anyway. ‘Well, you’ve got approximately three thousand problems to solve, but let’s focus on the basic first, shall we…’

When Light finally managed to shake off Inoue, the entire tennis club assembled to discuss their future training plan. They did not turn off the tennis ball machine, from which one ball flew off after another, each following the same parabola, rising and then inevitably falling in an identical semi-circular motion.

The night had totally set in. At this hour, the November wind was a bit chilly. One could see the half moon dangling in the sky, but apart from that, stars were particularly hard to see in urban Tokyo.

END

#fanfiction #submission #Light Yagami #ratings: general #silvia-aivlis #tzigi #Kyoko #pairings: none #Light's Birthday Extravaganza 2017

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shadzennjakereak · 4 years

Text

Thoughts of a vulnerable man and well, it’s my life story. Kinda

~~So to lead this off, this was a mostly comprised as a message I would send to my closest friend. But well, for archival purposes I wanted to leave this here on my dead af Tumblr account because, well that is what I use it for afterwards. So if some things read somewhat oddly, it is probably due to it being written as a letter in sorts for someone.~~

------ Well... hm.... I'll hit on the major things kinda like I have when I have done therapy in the past. So uh... when shad was a young boy, roughly around 10, I was at a mom's side family Christmas party and me and my female cousin of the same age, Erin, was playing around. Another cousin of mine, whos name I forget, was roughly 15 years old brought us to the basement and pretty much tried to make us fuck. So yes, I was partially molested as a child, LUCKILY my young brain kinda knew this was not normal and grabbed my brother, while im fully naked, and well he got involved and stopped it. However the entire family outside of the immediate, sided with my older cousin and well my family got cut out of my mother's side. As for Father's side, well they are all in Maryland so I have never met them.

Now fast forward a few years, im a shy kid whatever nothing much happens. We get into Highschool where I have my friend group and this one girl I'm hard crushing on who so happens to be my closest friend. Her name was Micky, very weird girl, always cosplaying and well... Everyone assumed we were dating because well even at school we were always like cuddling and shit, HOWEVER we never did. She pretty much had a sugar daddy the entire time and the one time I knew in Senior year that she was single, I asked her out and well, was rejected and pretty from there we stopped interacting. So I not only lost my closest friend, but also well felt the pain of rejection of the one who I was in love with.

Now suddenly in highschool I'm desperate to get laid after getting rejected and well, turn to craigslist, find a milf who takes my virginity, cool. While that was very vanilla it was a fun learning experience. I did know my baseline kinks at this point. I kinda immediatly learned all that early into my life. Highschool was easy going more or less. I had great grades without trying much and looked decent, despite only having a singular relationship, back in 8th grade, at this point so I kinda never had that confidence in me. Hm... well highschool passes and I reject a couple small scholarships for wrestling because I'm an idiot. I enroll into Eastern Michigan University.

This would be my first time away from home pretty much ever and adulting for myself. It went terribly. This is what broke me and has been the root of my mental issues. I went to some classes, did fine, but this mother fucking Friday 2-d art class was from 8am - 6pm. I was going for a computer graphics animation degree which I absolutely love to this day, but well I despise drawing and that was all this class was. I hated it so much and couldn't even wake up for it that I stopped going. I got scared of how my parents would react and hid this information until the very end of the semester where they found out. I failed that class and another due to attendance (despite having an A in the class itself).

I agreed with my parents to retake those two courses. I did, but immediatly into I fell back into the slump. I was alone again, only person close to me was Dra, my roommate. My friends from highschool never contacted me, and I ignored family. I was utterly alone so I decided to attempt to take my life. Due to a miracle Dra was there and prevented this. So I lived. However as the year went on I grew scared and frightful of going home, so I ran. I decided to work at Cedar Point which is in Ohio and has on-boarding rooms. So I went there without telling my parents why.

Eventually my father would gank me at Cedar Point and I told him everything that happened. He was just disapointed, but happy to at least talk to me again for the first time in honestly 1.5years. While I was working there I made close friends, as Dra also worked here and I met others. I at least started to feel some happiness again since leaving highschool. I had one relationship with a girl while working there. It kinda ended due to her not accepting my kinks when I told her. I also had another girl who was interested in me, but she refused to date me because she didn't want to do Long Distance once we stopped working at Cedar Point for the season. Well, Cedar Point closed at the end of October for the 2016 season. I had to go back home.

I go back home with my family and just bum there. I am not looking for a job or looking to go back to class. I was only playing games, eating, and sleeping. Eventually my father got sick of my shit and got me a temp job at his workplace at the end of December of that year. I worked there for a month helping reorganize files for the Human Resources department to help them with their acquistion of another company. At the end of January 2017, they offered me a full-time job as a Human Resources Intern. I had no interest... but my father convinced me to take the job as a way to get paid schooling down the line. So I accepted.

Throughtout the year I do what I can, but my emotional state is all sorts of fucked. I am working a 8-5 job that is an hour away. I am not a morning person as you know. I wake up around 6am every day for this job and well, my body cant handle it. I got into a major car accident on my way home from work one day. I luckily had no injuries nor the person I hit, but my car got totalled. I continue working. I do what I can, but one of the woman I worked under hated my work. She was always critiquing me, giving me bs tasks to do, and just never really letting me feel like I do decent work, and never teaching me anything. I had no prior experience or education for this job for christs' sake! She wares down on my mental regularly.

It wasn't much better at home. My mother constantly is yelling at me to lose weight, that I look like shit, I need to take care of myself, I need to go back to school. She never complimented me. So my own Mother and this woman at work were 2 devils in my ears that broke me down more and more everyday with nowhere safe to hide. It destroyed me. However Acri comes along and says "Hi, here's Kelsey" around July of 2017. This was my first real girlfriend. Things were happy and great at first. She helped me with my mental and so on. However you know how her story arc goes.

Now back at work, it was October 2016. I get into another car accident after falling asleep while driving into work. I was right outside of the office when this happened, so everyone there knew this was happening. I get this taken care of with the police and the report. I go into my dad's office to avoid people as he offered to, and would let me file the insurance stuff. But, the woman who berated me regulary came knocking on the office door and saying "Hello? You ever going to come to your desk and actually do work today?" This is when I break... I shut the door on her and text my dad to come back asap. I tell him what happened and he agrees to fire me for unemployment benefits. I am unemployed yet again.

I go for most of October and November jobless. I eventually pick a job up at Panera Bread in December of 2017. I am still dating Kelsey, and we have met IRL a few times now. She despises my family due to a few stupid disputes. She refuses to hear rhyme or reason and just hates them without compromise. However working at Panera was nice. I met a lot of people there and was working evening shifts, so I had a regular sleep schedule that wouldn't cause driving accidents. While working there I need to leave home, my mother is still berating me and tearing me apart at home. I start looking into an apartment, and while doing so, Kelsey insists she needs to leave her home state of Pennsylvania. I feel like we are ready to move in together thinking things were okay. I settled on in apartment in June 2018.

After taking a week off, I move into the aprtment myself with my parents help, and Kelsey shortly after. My parents and kelsey had a major argument at this point. My parents insisted on having the apartment key to tidy up things while I spent the weekend driving to PA to move Kelsey's shit, and Kelsey despised this idea as anything my parents did was evil in her eyes. So they argued and argued. My mom also eventually would find my sex toy in my room back home and we had a major argument about those. She would call me the Devil's child and we never would really be on "friendly" terms again.

Well after moving Kelsey into my new apartment, I realize the mistake I made. She is useless as a human being. She does nothing to help around the apartment. I am working full time and the only one capable of driving. Kelsey would sit home and do nothing but eat and game. She did no chores, and if I asked her to, she would yell at me. We had no sex life either. She strung me along making me act like a father, driving her where she needed to go, buying her groceries, doing chores at home. I sacrificed everything and would never recieve anything in return. She eventually would break up with my at the start of February 2019. I was destroyed, but this was thankfully something that had to happen. While I was destroyed and heavily suicidal again, I eventually recovered and started going to therapy. Also mind you Kelsey was blaming me for things, she was saying how I needed to get better, how I was the lazy one, how I didn't do enough to make her happy.

So after about 2 weeks of devestation, I start recovering thanks to Acri and Nevan. They help me through this time, but I am however still stuck living with Kelsey for about 4 more months. She already has a new boyfriend. That, is oddly suspicious, but fine whatever. I play nice, I keep being Kelsey's father but I refuse to do any more cooking for her. She at the very least must feed herself. She starts to claim I'm abusing her and enjoy watching her suffer. March of 2019 she decides to have her new boyfriend visit. I am so against this and tell them to get a hotel room. Kelsey says they cant for a whole week, which was how long he was staying. We compromise on them having a hotel for the initial weekend, then they sleep on the couch of the apartment for the rest of the duration. Well this happens and I mostly just ignore them during this shit. Her new boyfriend, who was named in discord as, Dragon Daddy, finally leaves.

The following month Kelsey goes out to visit him, I finally have a week away from Kelsey. I feel great and so on. She eventually comes back, we get into more arguments on the regular. She eventually disappears randomly at the start of June 2019. The last month of the apartment. She is gone without saying anything and barely taking anything of hers. She doesn't respond to me for a days. I'm somewhat concerened but fine whatever. She eventually says she is gone and not coming back. She left her shit here though. Near the start of July I come back home from work. The apartment is TRASHED, about 50% of her stuff is gone. I guess she came by and took it without a word. She doesn't respond to messages. I move out in July and into a new apartment the following month.

Kelsey reaches out again and is asking to get the security deposit for our apartment, which I personally fully paid for. I tell her no and she has no claim to it. We argue about it until I block her because I refuse to deal with it. We packed the things she left at my apartment into boxes and send her a message that says she has one month to give us a shipping address or else it is all going into the trash. She responds with "Never contact me again, I refuse to talk to Jacob due to his abuse of me." I have not heard from her since.

And now we move onto the new stuff. I did start a new job in November of 2018 at Potbelly. It was nicer than Panera due to a lighter work load. And my life is starting to go up. I was recieving therapy which helped and eventually had to stop due to insurance not allowing more sessions. But I'm on an up trend. Things are going well, 13Noobz roster was going well until that exploded, so we talked and decided to find Lost Collective. It has its issues, but I am proud of it. And Due to LCST I have made wonderful new friends, and well of course Tay, being the best. I honestly do love you, and I'm happy to have met you and hope Acri makes you happy, as you deserve it. And of course everyone that has joined my Discord has been wonderful, and due to living with Brian, me and him have rekindled our brotherly bonds.

Of course I'm not perfect, especially mentally and physically. I don't look great, I still have depression, which definetly spikes up in Winter (seasonal depression). But, well, for now at the very least I can say I'm content with my life. I have friends who actually care about me for the first time, well ever. Acri has also recently come back into my life majorly which is nice. So I have my solid foundation of Nevan, Tay, and Acri. The 3 people closest to me. And of course I love interacting with the others. I just, well am not use to this. I haven't had friends since highschool, and definetly not ones who are as close to me as I am close to them. It's nice to have my own love and affection for my friends be returned in full.

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cat-n-i-p · 4 years

Text

a letter to my parents from: your mentally ill child

t/w: self harm, suicidal thoughts

hi, mommy and daddy.

first off, i just want to tell u how much i appreciate everything that you’ve done for me for all my life. you gave birth to me, bathed me, gave me food, gave me shelter, raised me, and taught me a lot of things. i will never not appreciate all of these things that you’ve given me, because i will always carry them in my heart.

despite all these though, i also carry in my heart all the hurt and pain you’ve given to me. i know you disguise them as you wanting to teach me a lesson because you love me and you want me to be a better person (and fundamentally it’s not ur fault because that is how discipline passed off in your own households as well), but i think constantly degrading me and physically abusing me whenever you feel upset has really taken its toll on my mental health.

since i was a child, i have always been really problematic. i was that overly-curious and hyper child who did stupid things like open the refrigerator just to stand in front of it to be cold because i didn’t like being hot (still don’t), i put a shitton on water on my aunt’s detergent container and wasted all of that, i put on sanitary pads on my panties even if i didn’t menstruate because i saw my mom do it, i put a shitton of powder on the floor just to play skating inside our own house, etc. i did a lot of things like that when i was young. but i also was an outstanding student. i was a fast learner and i got high scores without even exerting any amount of effort. you were proud because of that. you never really talked about all those stupid things i did, and if you did, you talked about it jokingly, as if you didn’t hurt me and yell at me for doing all those. i have received so much physical abuse, it’s crazy. i got punched, slapped, hit with a lot of things in the house and i even got my wrist slightly scratched by a knife once. i grew up and now i don’t even flinch when you lift a hand at me. i take all of it and it takes a lot to make me cry when my body hurts.

i used to be so ashamed of it, because i believed everything was my fault, it was MY fault for making you so mad that you had to do that to me, that you HAD to hit me. i grew up thinking that i deserve to be hurt for every wrong thing that i did. it really stuck to me. i didn’t really realize it at first, because i wasn’t aware that that’s what i really thought, you get me? but friends always pointed out how i apologize for the smallest things and i apologize over and OVER and OVER when i didn’t even have to. because i always think that when something goes wrong, it’s my fault. and i know it. and i deserve to be hurt because i did something wrong. that’s really a shitty thing for a person to feel, to be constantly wanting to be punished and to be treated badly whenever they make a mistake. because mistakes are normal. i have to own up to them, of course, but i don’t have to get hurt because i made a mistake.

anyway. i’ve always known how hurt and how much i suffer inside. i’m always sad, i’m always anxious, i’m always worried. and sometimes i didn’t know why, i just am. i’ve always been like that, even when i was in high school. i’m not blaming you, of course. a problem doesn’t really have just one cause. it’s an accumulation of a lot of things.

i’ve tried killing myself a lot of times. numerous. i don’t even know how many times i’ve attempted to kill myself. my earliest recollection was when i was in sixth grade, there was a power outage and you got mad at me for something that i did, and because i felt like a useless piece of shit who can’t manage to do anything right, i cut my wrists with a blade. i wasn’t aware of how unconsciously i hurt myself, too, until recently. whenever i get anxious, i dig my nails into my palms until they hurt and they leave a mark. i do that a lot. and my nails are Long and Sharp. you BET they hurt. and i feel like i have the need to do this because i did something wrong, i had to do it. i had to punish myself for being a useless piece of shit who can’t do anything right by her parents. i will never be enough. those are all the things that goes on in my mind. and they constantly still are. until now.

i think everything worsened when i got to college. during high school, i was physically abused more, but at least i got good grades. i graduated with honors, everyone was proud of me because of my grades. but then i entered a prestigious university, where only the best and the smartest students are in. my confidence in myself plummeted. i had okay grades, i passed most of my classes, but i wasn’t good. i wasn’t good and i wasn’t nearly as hard-working enough as my peers. but at least i still passed. but then i had to take math 11. it was so hard. i’ve never really liked math, i got low grades for math during high school and elementary, but this was HARD hard. my professor didn’t help, he wasn’t that good at teaching so i had to learn by asking my friends about things and learning through videos in the internet. i still flunked that class though. it was normal in the university. it was widely known that the math in our campus was harder than the math in the other campuses of our university. i wasn’t the only one who flunked. but you made me feel so bad about it. like i was a stupid person who failed a class and had to retake it. i passed the next time i took it. and i passed all the classes i took after that one. until my supposed to be last semester in college. my professor gave me an incomplete despite of me passing all the requirements he had for the subject. i was completely devastated. i didn’t know how to tell you. i asked for the help of other professors but they couldn’t do anything about it. so i wasn’t able to graduate on time. i didn’t know how to tell you because i know you’d be disappointed in me. you already told everyone about it and now i’m just... not going to graduate yet. because of one subject. my sister helped me on talking to you about it, and i was surprised because you didn’t really make me feel that bad about it that time. but after that... i’m just... the girl who didn’t graduate on time. everyone thought i was so smart, but apparently i’m not, because i couldn’t graduate on time. after that i hit a whole different low. i didn’t talk to any of my friends, i refused to go on social media, and i just... suffered. alone. because i can’t talk to anyone. i didn’t have anyone to talk to that i know wouldn’t judge me. i’m still feeling that until now.

when you ask me how i would describe myself, i would probably say ordinary. but that’s not what i think of myself. i think that i’m nothing. i’m literally good for nothing. i’m not good at anything, i’m just... useless and worthless. but other people don’t think i am. they keep reminding me that i am something, but i can’t see that. i used to think that i can be something, but i can’t see that anymore. all the hope in myself just... disappeared. it’s all gone. and i don’t know what to do anymore. i’m scared. i know you know that i’ve wanted to die, a lot of times, i joke around about it all the time at home and i know you know that i mean it when i say that i’m only waiting for death to take me. but recently i’ve been thinking. i don’t want to die. i want help. i really want help. because i can’t succumb to this darkness. i know you don’t really believe in depression, especially mommy, but i think i am depressed. i’ve been depressed for such a long time. i’m so tired of just feeling tired and sad all the time and i need help. i don’t want to just want to die anymore. i want to find myself. i want to want something. i want to dream again. i want to be able to take care of you and spend a lot more time with you and the rest of my family, and my friends. i want to be happy.

i love you so much. thank you for everything. but please believe me and let me get help.

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morethan4our · 7 years

Text

Two Junior Years and Sweden

It felt odd having to do junior year two times in a row, especially in a major with a class size of 50-60. I had been accustomed to the class of 2017, as I had been in their classes ever since the beginning of my college career. By junior year, I knew a lot of the class and wasn’t afraid of saying hi or anything.

But this changed after my F.

I felt too ashamed to look the chemical engineering class of 2017 in the eye. I had failed while everyone else didn’t and they knew it. I wouldn’t be in any of their classes anymore and they would wonder what was up. I tried my best to ignore them so I wouldn’t have to deal with the feeling of failure. People that knew said they were fine with it and believed I could pick myself up. They didn’t expect this from the Asian kid wearing glasses that lived with another chemical engineering major with a 3.7 GPA. But I still felt ashamed. Some of them still greeted me in passing this past school year, but even so I thought that I was just “the guy that failed.”

Regardless of my academic performance, I scored a summer internship where I did research for the first time. Also, I met Matt M., and after continuous hookups and hangouts he officially became my boyfriend. More on this in a future post.

Remember the C- I mentioned I got my third year, first term? I retook that class the following school year. My fourth year in college and what I like to call my second junior year. This begins my attempt to fit in with the chemical engineering class of 2018. Thankfully, I had a friend that was similarly behind in her curriculum, Jessica W. Jessica W. and I sat in the back of the class I had to retake. It felt completely odd being in a room with 40 other people that already knew each other from being in the same classes in years past. I was one of the outsiders. Being with Jessica W. made it feel better, but I couldn’t help but feel odd. Junior year is when transfer students from community college start popping up in classes. Similarly to me, they most likely also felt like outsiders. New school, new people. In a convenient twist, I knew one of the chemical engineering transfers. Carolina E. talked to me before class one day, asking me if I was from Oxnard. I am. She was too. We have apparently been Facebook friends since 2009 because we went to the same middle school but never really talked much. She helped unite Jessica W. and me with two more transfers, Chase P. and Brice H. The two guys were taking a senior level class along with me because we had the prerequisites despite being juniors, which helped in terms of us all giving each other mind. Despite the few people I had become acquainted with at the beginning of my second junior year, I still felt like an outsider. It felt odd being in the one senior level engineering course because I felt judgment from my classmates despite that judgment not even existing. No one cared that I failed a class except me. People were even happy to see me in a senior level class, but I distanced myself from the actual seniors in shame. My first term in my second junior year came to a close with me raising my C- to a B.

Time for winter term of my second junior year. My redemption term where I could finally retake the course I got an F in. I made sure to take easy classes that term to let myself focus as much as I can on not failing again. Throughout this term I felt myself learning and enjoying the material in my retake class, ending the term with a rewarding B. I was finally allowed to continue my engineering coursework! Despite this, I still felt detached from the class of 2018.

I was excited for the following spring term. I was back on track to take classes and finally got that F off my GPA. I was also excited for my lab class for an interesting reason: I took it as an opportunity to meet people. Jessica W. and Carolina E. ultimately could not enroll in the lab course to space out their curriculum, and the other two transfers I met quite honestly I didn’t interact with much because I felt like they were their own thing. This meant, in a group work setting, people within the class of 2018 would be forced to interact with me. Yes, it’s sad that I was excited about this. And I still wasn’t comfortable talking to people in my new batch because of the judgment I was scared to face for being a 4th year junior. Anyway, I get paired with Shelley G. for lab. She’s super nice and we got along just fine. We put in a lot of work towards lab and were able to bond through that and the general struggle of our engineering courses. Doing work with her even caused some of her ChemE ‘18 friends to give me mind. Despite the fact that they were all international students who preferred to talk in Chinese and bar me out of conversation, it still felt nice to finally be woven into the ChemE ‘18 community somewhat. I felt no judgment from anyone when they learned I was a 4th year junior, which I met with surprise. I was still scared of initiating contact with people within ChemE ‘18 (I’ll just use this abbreviation now) due to fear of judgment, though. I just hoped people would come to me, but of course that never happens. I needed to put in the effort myself. In the meantime I gained news that I was accepted into another summer internship to do research in Sweden. I was excited to hear another student from ChemE ‘18 was going with me. “Another opportunity to weave myself into ChemE ‘18!” I thought to myself. I made sure to initiate contact with the other intern, Alec A., but via email because I was still nervous to talk to ChemE ‘18 face-to-face.

The spring term ends after long nights of studying. Immediately after I had to head to Sweden for my internship, which is where I am as I type this. I ended up earning all Bs in my major courses, which was a pleasant surprise. While waiting for my grades and making my trip from the USA to Sweden, I was wondering about so much. Will there be a bad language barrier in Sweden? Will my host family like me? How about my lab? And Alec A.? I was honestly more worried about making friends in Sweden than I was about my grades.

I arrived in Sweden a few days before Alec A. because he wanted to spend a bit of time in the US. We had talked a bit prior to the internship start date about the internship via, but nothing else really. I was picked up by my lab mentor for the summer, David K., who helped me with my luggage and with getting a Swedish SIM card. I was nervous about meeting my mentor for the first time, as I was nervous about meeting everyone else. The drive from the airport to my host family’s house was amazing. There was so much greenery and I kept saying how cool it looked. All of the road signs were in Swedish, which introduced the beginning of the language barrier I’d face. Thankfully, according to David K., everyone knows English and will adjust to not leave me out or anything. My host family gave me a warm welcome and a tour of the house I’m currently in as well as a walk to the nearby grocery store. I was happy that everything was going well and I was getting along with everyone. I thought to myself “I’ll think I’ll be fine in lab tomorrow. I’m sure David K. will help me ease into it.” But I was still very nervous about being with Alec A. for 11 weeks in the same house. What if we don’t have anything in common? Is he nice? What if I annoy him?

The following day I go into lab and meet a lot of people working within it. I had my first Swedish coffee break (fika), learn lab techniques, learn the tram system, and ruin my sleeping schedule due to the 12 AM sunsets and 4 AM sunrises. The same activities continued on into Tuesday. I came back to the house after lab that day, nervous because I knew Alec A. was set on arriving any time soon. He messages me on Facebook an hour after I arrive at the house telling me to open the front door. The host family and I see him leave a taxi with his luggage, and as he’s shown around the house all I can think is “Oh shit, am I ready for interaction?”

The past week or so, I’m surprised to say that we’ve found things in common and I at the very least consider him my Swedish traveling buddy (basically by default). I’ve had my quiet moments with everyone here, not knowing how to keep conversations going despite my efforts, but I’ve been like that with everyone in my life regardless. I’m trying my best to become better at socializing this summer and hoping to improve. I hope for many things to come out of this internship, but one is for certain: I hope that these 11 weeks allow Alec A. and I to form a connection strong enough to continue our interactions within the school year and hopefully even weave me into ChemE ‘18 even more. Of course, I’d love to gain friendship from him, from the people within my lab, my host family, and all the like, but I’m hoping this summer will give me more confidence to not be ashamed of taking five years to finish my undergraduate career.

#personal #Sweden17

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