#cause i want to make my life better

[quasieli]

I know meds sometimes take a while to kick in, like your body needs to get used to them and shit, but I'd really appreciate it if these new anxiety meds kicked in right about now. I'm vibrating and I really Don't Like It

#Eli Speaks #Med talk #ask to tag #i really want these meds to help #i need something that will help #cause i want to make my life better #but it's really hard to do when im frozen by anxiety #ive only been on them for 5 days #and was told it could take a few weeks to fully kick in #but im really close to my limit #i just wanna feel stable #cause then i can help myself feel good #but im not there yet #i have a drs appt tomorrow so im hoping she'll have something to say that can help #also i need to find a new therapist again #i started seeing someone new but im kinda :/ about him #he just isnt for me #esp cause like #i specifically started seeing him cause he said he practiced the same modality as my last therapist and it helped me out a lot #but then in our last session he said something that was entirely antithetical to that type of therapy #i was already a little meh about him but that just kinda sealed it for me #so #im trying #it's been really hard #but im not giving up #as tempting as it is #i want my life to be better #im just in a really shitty place rn #i hope things get better soon

[loud-whistling-yes]

so as literally everyone following me in the past 24 hours knows, im fucking obsessed with her. take her shes everything i have

#undertale yellow #martlet #martlet undertale yellow #martlet uty #????????? #tagging is hard and terrible #should i tag ut????????? #ehhh nah #i shant #whoop #my art #martlet my beloved love of my life i want to kiss you #(words said by worlds most aroace person) #... i should get better at drawing the prosthetics 😭 #anyways uhhhhh yea i found out what a martlet actually is so she uses prosthetics now👍 #i like to think the boots and stuff is a diff set of prosthetics for when shes just building or chilling #these ones come out when she has guard duty/needs to run around/lots of movement #also idk i might just make her shirtless??? idk which design i like more just yet so eh #ill figure it out next time #so much grief was caused in the making of her wings #GIRL HOW DO YOU HOLD THINGS 😭😭😭😭 #ARENT YOUR ARMS WINGS #but yeah. harpy potentially shirtless prosthetic user martlet👍 #the world gave me a new blorbo and by god will i dump every headcanon conceivable onto her

[kenobion]

Andrew Garfield on The Late Show With Stephen Colbert

#this gifset also feat. colbert's hands #andrew garfield #my gifs #if this looks weird it's cause I had no good ideas #and I just like the first shot for a gif #there's some smudge energy in that one #the way he's so silly gives me life #the faces he makes are so great too #overall I never can tell what he's going to get up to #but I also want to find out cause it's always a surprise #he fascinates me in such a way I'm wild about him and love to see him and when I do I have five times better

[bachirasbodyguard]

Shoutout to one of my favorite Blue Lock beefs. No cunning, no grace, no restraint with these two. Just throwing hands ON SIGHT. God bless.

also shoutout to Shidou for being the only person who actually makes Rin lose his composure like that (and so easily too). king

((this post by @bluelock-textposts inspired me))

#yes yes i'm making a nagi and barou one next #every time I see that panel of shidou blowing a kiss to rin that's in the meme I remeber this one tweet that's like #“rin better than me because if shidou blew me a kiss I would simply have folded right then and there” #i think shiodu likes rin actually. he's just likes to throw hands more lol #anyway I know it's all “hahaha shidou and rin beef” but also I #have a 1400 word essay sitting in my drafs about these two and how they embody the two very different philosophies that are at the core of #many of the great conflicts in this manga #and how what I believe shidou's life was like before blue lock vs rin's life before blue lock causes them to treat each other like this #and how sae comes into play and the very complicated and meaningful relationship between these three people #and what him choosing shidou over rin means in terms of sae's own character and beliefs and attidute towards the sport #and why he chose shidou even though sae clearly loves his brother and wants him to succeed (and I can't believe ppl think otherwise) #anyway #why is their fighting lowkey sexy #shidou ryusei #itoshi rin #mine

[skunkes]

the way I've been raised has shown itself in a recent awful experience I had and the realization won't leave me because I'm not sure what to do about it.

I don't like feeling anger/upset and it's rare for me to feel it anyway but it's led to me being unable to tell what's worth getting upset over anymore. If my wants upset somebody, then, well, maybe I shouldn't have them? What is so serious that I need it to go completely my way...? What desires am I allowed to have. It's not that serious, it's okay if not, you can't always get what you want....

every time I feel Upset I am later wracked with guilt because it wasn't a big deal and I was just being selfish... What IS a big deal then? How can I tell? Its admittedly never a big deal... But I keep being upset. And stepped on....

#talkys #this is what led to me Staying for as long as i did #there would be issues but if I brought them up i wld then be made to feel guilty for feeling that way #but i cant reverse that bc well!! its true like is it really a big deal? life isnt that serious I dont need to get upset... #i get upset at something my parents do and in the end i feel ungrateful and selfish #i really cant tell anymore which is why i Stayed as mentioned above #in the sense of well yeah the way im being treated doesnt make me feel good but why do i need to feel good? #isnt that selfish...isnt that asking too much...isnt that making yourself out to be Better Than... #i really dont know. i get so ready to give up my position on anything because I dont want to be selfish #and because im no better than anyone else #my mom caused some drama on my birthday wrt my sister's family and it led to me not being able to go to the duck #pond on my birthday... which is the only thing i really wanted to do on an otherwise uneventful day #i was meant to feel shame abt it because well we can always go any other day!!! relax!!! #and it is true....! #we can go any other day why did i get upset? its not that serious...nothing is that serious...i feel so guilty + spoiled + selfish #i just felt humiliated for wanting to go in the first place. and for getting upset that we couldnt go. like a toddler. #*not that i actually get Toddler Level upset...but it always Feels like i did...ykwim #i just dont understand......idk if i can Repair this....

[alphacrone]

this is your reminder that 99.9% of employers care more about money than you and even if they are kind and fair now they WILL at the end of the day put profits over your well being so absolutely do not sacrifice your life for them.

#and by life i mean time really #do your job to its exact description #do not make things too difficult for your fellow workers #you can even work hard if you want to #but do not undervalue your time or your mental and physical well being #this is a mistake i made in my first job #the stress of that job triggered my (undiagnosed) crohns so bad i was hospitalized twice #and my boss asked me to work from my hospital bed #while also not giving me sick time and not paying me well #in my previous post that coworker has been working there at least 15 years #never caused any problems went above and beyond #was a fucking backbone of the company #and is getting tossed out bc management is fucking moronic #they’ll be fine they’re so great they’ll get a much better job i’m certain #and previous management loved them SO much and did try to take really good care of them to keep them from leaving #but in the end stupid financial decisions will always come before employee we’ll begin #being #so never give too much of yourself to a job and always keep your resume updates #also don’t be afraid to leave nasty reviews on yelp or glassdoor and also maybe key your boss’ car

[todayisafridaynight]

teehee

#snap chats #UGH FINALLY ITS ALL DONE #i still have to make final adjustments on how i have my wig styled and how ill do makeup #ill iron it later i promise i just wanted to try everything on frame one i was too excited ☠️☠️ #buuuut what matters to everyone else rn is The Fit.... Acquired #my name is snap i like to steal rgg mens drip for my own #I HAVE PLANS FOR THE BRIEFCASE BTW its not just gonna hold my belongings. cause i hate myself #i might forgo the idea when i actually go to the con but i do wanna do something silly #but thats for ohhhh october ?? november ??? whenever them plushes coming in #i have two (2) pinstriped suits in my closet now this is egregious #id take a pic of myself all Dressed Up but 1.) No 2.) if you were blind youd still be able to see better than anythin taken with my phone #the canera is awful. plus ive never taken a selfie in my life and i have no full-body mirrors and i most certainly aint askin my bro LMAO #but yeah for now. hehe. #i got so sidetracked doing all this LMAOOOO fuck.

[hotasfahrenheit]

i've been meaning to post something about this since the first episode last week but shout out to wardrobe on Last Twilight for one of the best fake ear plugs i've seen in a show! it's hard to get the fake ones to give the right impression in the lobe since they're a front piece and a back piece that sit on top of the skin to simulate the jewelry that goes through the stretched hole but they've managed it well enough that i've been staring at various gifs and screenshots all week trying to decide if i thought they actually stretched Jimmy's lobe for this or not 🤣

but yeah they've put the pieces of this together tight enough to give a subtle little indent in the skin around the front, which simulates the way that a stretched hole is shaped as opposed to a regular piercing hole which tends to leave the lobe relatively flat, with any jewelry in it not impacting the surface of the skin much if at all.

besides photos of him taken since filming where he has nothing in his ear, the main tell that it IS fake is the fact that the shape of the lobe is still matching his other ear. being at the gauge he would need for a piece of jewelry that size would be probably either a 0 or 00 (8mm-9mm) and it would cause the edge of his lobe to change shape slightly, which it hasn't.

i know this is a weird detail to pay attention to but as a person with stretched lobes it caught my eye and it's nice to see someone get it right for once!

#something about 0 being the size you can still let your lobe come back from to shrink back down to a standard shape and some symbolism there #and how Mhok/Mork isn't a lost cause and can still turn his life around and make things better for himself #weird little wardrobe details in shows #i just appreciate the effort made here because it's done so well #my ears are 0s if anyone was wildly curious after i made this whole lil rant #and they're a lil higher in the lobe than is typical since i had three holes in each lobe and stretched the middle instead of the bottom #i wanted to be able to wear regular earrings in the bottom hole and yes i know there's ways to do that still but this was my solution #i typically wear super dangly earrings in front and small sparkly studs in the top hole with some kind of fun plugs in the middle #last twilight #last twilight the series #ltts #ltts mhok #ltts mork #jimmy jitaraphol

[toxooz]

i Need to take up embroidery now rIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#walmart didnt have a starter kit and hobby lobby is closed RRRRUHHUERHRHRRRR #i was always like i love it but its simply somebody elses thing my whole life until like 1 am last night my brain unlocked #the things i could make with practice and patience i need to seeeE CONSARNIT shit would be SOOO COOL #i want to just have fun with it and be jovially shitty at it for a while until i pick up on things #ive forgotten everything ive learned throughout my life when it comes to sewing & that of the like but i feel like itll click after a while #itll definitely be a lil side hobby bc holy FUCK i dont have time to really sit down and invest atm but still #maybe my small new years resolution is get better at embroidery and see my progress bc i lov that shit #plus when im like 60+ yrs old imagine what crazy shit i could do if i start now #ANYWAY ill get to those asks eventually theres some that i simply want to draw for but brother im sniper focused on getting this damn comic #done and DONE so i might have to answer them way later tbh unless its super easy and quick to answer imma have to put off asks cause im #hellbent the comic should be done by early february

[jinxofthedesert]

I recently got out of a toxic and unhealthy friendship on here. I had to be the one to end it; hopefully the other party decides to leave it be and not smear my name due to realizing it wasn't healthy and that I had to end it because of it.

Basically, if someone makes you start feeling like shit, from your life, to your goals, passion, and everything else, then it's not a rewarding friendship. And it's hard to sometimes see it in the moment. Because you want to think the best of peeps, especially ones you care about.

But sometimes the healthiest thing for You is to know when to put your foot down and end it, even if it hurts you and them. At the end of the day, you matter and what you're doing matters and no one has the right to make you feel shit for who you are when you're just living your life. Life is hard enough without adding peeps who make you feel that way or question how you live when, prior to them showing up, you were happy with all of it.

To anyone in a relationship or friendship like that, I hope, like me, you are able to take a stand and realize you deserve better.

I knew I was being manipulated but not how much until I talked to others close to me. I pray you all never have to experience such a thing because damn, you know you did the right thing, but feel so fucking guilty at the same time.

But your happiness matters. You matter. Please remember that.

#personal #me #had to make a post. it's been eating at me since I ended it #you feel so fucking guilty but know it was the right decision. #i feel happier and lighter #its weird cause I've met my closet friends on here who are so incredible and supportive and respectful and I am in return #so to have one spiral into....that....was hard. and hard to realize despite my stomach aching day after day trying to tell me that #this was a shit situation and I deserved better #if someone makes you feel like shit and makes you believe you deserve to feel that way: leave #just leave #block them #life is to damn short to share it with people who will only make it worse and and make you feel bad as a person #i have more self respect than that #and sometimes it's hard to tell cause I want peeps to get along and have a good time when I care for them #i like making peeps happy. it brings me joy. and I tend to do it naturally without thinking. #so it's hard to sometimes see when it's not healthy #i pray for anyone in a relationship/friendship like this #know you are worth it and no one has the right to make you feel like that. #when someone doesn't respect that you have a life and can't be there 24/7 and take it Personally when you can't....like no #I've had so many friendships on here that respect your time and realize messaging comes second maybe even third or fourth #and it sucks when the opposite happens and it just gets worse and worse. #And them using 'i used to be a therapist so I know you better then yourself' should never be an excuse for them putting you down EVER.

[derpinette]

gatekeepers fear me the way i instantly advertise things as soon as i know i like them

#with exceptions of course like only to people i actually know #i am so pro gatekeeping BTW but i am once again a huge hypocrite in this case #i just want everyone to Enjoy (- Björk) the things i like might make their life better... #if they had no prior knowledge WHY would i keep that from them... #& i always inadvertently pressure people when i shill i am relentless cause i KNOW my thing is good like Do you not trust me </3 #OK so you want me to kill myself...

[fidgetspringer]

- Marten & Nohren -

#digital art #illustration #art #cowboys #original characters #my art #thought I might as well slap some colour on this now since i'll be away this week #i've got so many ideas floating around my head for story stuff I want to draw for these two #i've been writing them for almost a year now and i have a bunch of different AUs i'm excited to make designs for #the outlaws AU is one of my favourites though #excited to see how their designs change as i get more confident with drawing people #i'm not gonna info dump about them too much i think. I'll probably just let the story unfold trough the illustrations etc #cause idk if anyone's interested in the story stuff. i'm happy to answer if anyone asks stuff though #but the short version is that they grew up in the same town but didn't really get to know each other until later #Marten has a bad accident that leaves him bedridden for over a year while his father hides his condition out of shame #so Nohren takes a job as a hand at their ranch and figures out which room they're keeping Marten locked in #they become good friends and Nohren visits him in secret for almost two years while helping Marten regain some mobility #they take up the outlaw life after Nohren is seen with another man in town and decides he's better off getting out of dodge #Marten is torn about leaving the ranch behind but he comes along eventually #that's the very basic gist of it #they good kiddos #Marten #Nohren #Outlaws AU

[cupcakesmoothie]

...So I may have went a little insane designing the MC from @psychopomp-enthusiast's Blade x Reader fic To Mourn The Living

Am I confident in my art skills? Lmao (No)

I am not rendering this (I did have an idea for the highlights but) it's 5 am oh god and if I don't go lie down right now I am not waking up tomorrow (Today at 8)

I tried to keep the design androgynous but well. Am Girl. So I am a little biased towards Reader being also Girl. I think I did ok tho

The first HSR fanart I've made and it's fanart of a fanfic. Typical me behaviour tbh

I did research for this for some reason like I stared really hard at a couple wiki tabs for a while (Haven't seen actual scales on either of our High Elders) and skimmed the fic again. The scales were specified to be silver?

While doing the aforementioned research I think I've crafted a theory? I somehow completely missed that there is more than one High Elder, like there are other ships that have their own High Elders too and like??? I'm making some connections??? Is this a "I've connected the dots" moment? Who knows.

I did think maybe the whole storms thing had something to with Jing Yuan and his Lighting-Wielding Thunder-Clapping Spirit-Squashing Lord (YESSSSS FIRST TRY BABY OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD) but the whole thing with black hair and evil vibes just felt off to me. AND THEN. Until I get a reply on this/the fic gets updated I won't say anything further, but ough. I am so normal about the media I consume guys

I kinda felt like putting the scale pattern on the outfit was a little OOC since MC was mentioned to not really follow Vidyadharan customs, but I also figured they were close to Bailu and have horns so? Maybe?

I gave MC blue hair because Ice type. I was gonna give them really long hair, but then again, not a High Elder. The hair was mentioned to obscure their horns underwater tho so I think some length is fine?

It was actually really hard to find physical descriptions of the MC? I mean for a fic like this, that's actually a good thing, it gives me more leeway to do whatever I want but also literally one of the reasons why I don't do fanart is because I wanna be accurate as possible (This is probably some kind of anxiety thing, idk)

#Eyes are still my favourite thing to design hehehe #I wanted to do some kind of snowflake pattern maybe with the lighting but oh god it's about to be 6 I need to go #Tfw reading things makes you want to draw #I need to pick better times to draw cause like once I actually do it I just zone out for a couple hours #I started at like 1 #I think I am lowkey a little bit obsessed with this fic rn like it's not good #I mean it is a good fic tho #I literally have it on record that for like 3 days after I read TMTL it's literally just one full page of Blade x Reader stuff #If I get the ok on this I will maybe post it to Instagram #I actually only wanted to draw the underwater scene today but Things Happened so I'm going insane about this at 6 am instead. Such is life #Ok yeah seriously I needa go to bed now bye bye #sweetmountainseeds #Am I allowed to tag this? #To Mourn The Living #honkai star rail #hsr #Blade x Reader #My art

[savagebisand]

THE WAY MOND POPPED UP IN THAT ELEVATOR AND I JUST KNEW IN MY BONES AND CURSED SOUL THIS NERDY TWUNK BITCH IS BOEING AND MEW GOT IN AND I WENT "FUCKING MOND?!?" AND TOP WAS. HE WAS FUCKING MOND.

#DJFIFIFKFFKD STFU #im so pleased to see my goblin chaos son again #they are feeding the gramyok ghostship from not me agenda #what a legend choice #look i love mix but mond is so good at playing sneaky smarmy bitches #and i would rather see him than mixs cute lil face on this instance it was such a pleasant shock #ive missed my man. hes here to cause issues. #im surprised hes causin them for topmew in a way but also not?? #look his showing up has raised a lot of thoughts for me #bc blatantly he always cared more about prioritising top even when with sand so it makes sense hes happy being tops insomnia fuck #and wants to compete with mew for top. i just envisioned sand learning of it and going off the rails. #bc top said to sand boeing and him were long done but they now clearly arent. #im hoping sand will realise boeing was never a good match and now ray has picked sand and being better over the so say love of his life #sand will notice boeing never wouldve done that and will simply leave him to fiend for top and get his closure. #and for the love of god start holding boeing accountable but we'll see. #only friends #only friends the series #boeing #topmew

[angellurgy]

:]

#AAAAAAAAAAAAA FUCKFUCKFUCK #CONDTANT UNENDING SILENT SCREAMING #NO WORDS BUT FORCED TO UNDERSTAND STILL UNESCAPABLE I CANT I CANT I CANT #ill never be anything ill never be anything ill never be anything at all to any of you #too fucking tired to go out of the house for so long no way to stop being tired its all wearing down on me like a fucking curse. too much #CANT CANT CANT take 10 more days of this waiting itll just go back to normal after #TRIED TO LIVE BUT WHAT IS THE POINT WHAT IS THERE EVEN FOR ME NO LOVE NO CARE NO IMPORTANCE NO PLACE #FADING MEMORY REMNANTS OF MY SOUL DRIPPING OUT OF MY HEAD LIKE A GUTTER. NO ONE WILL REMEMBER. EVEN I CANT. #AAAAAAAAAAA rotrotrotrotrotrotrotrotrot wish i just had a fucking dad to hold me wish i had a brother to show me the loving care noone will #please. llease. please. nothing left nothing left everyone wants me less with every single post but icant stop #cooped up inside. tumblrs knly good when you have a life outside of it. i cant fight it tho bc of this fucking EXHAUSTION #caused by the emotional pain and exclusion. eternal loop. let me.out #NOT LIKE IT MATTERS TO ANYONE BUT THE FEW WHO CANT HELP. THE FEW WHO CANT MAKE MY SITUATION BETTER. I JUST WANT A GROUP. #I KNOW COMMUNITY ISNT REAL BUT I FUCKING WANT SOMETHING. PLEASE #LET ME OUT. GIVE ME LIFE. INSTEAD OF THIS CONSTANT FUCKING VOID GROWING BLACK MOLD ON THE CREVICES OF MY SKULL #aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa nothing is giving me life right now i want sometbing i cant create anything i dont wanna die but i have no choice #FIGHT THROUGH THE TIREDNESS WALK INTO THE FOREST IN THE NIGHT AND ROT. #SLIT MY WRISTS EVEN THOUGH IT WONT DO SHIT. LAY ON A BLANKET AND LET THE COLD TAKE ME #WOULDNT BE THE FIRST TIME IVE BEEN CLOSE TO IT. LEAST I CAN GO ALL THE WAY. GOD WHY DO I TRY. I WANT TO TRY. I HAVE NOTHING TO TRY FOR. #NO OTHER CHOICE.

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

friendly reminder that self harm is lying to you

#the worst is when it promises you'll feel better and then you simply. do not. you feel worse and then you want to harm again bc surely that #will make you feel better right? THAT WOULD BE A NO. IT DOES NOT. #anyway today i went to spotlight cause i was sad cause i got the result for my 35% assignment i really struggled with. 32.5%. failure. #and at spotlight i made the foolish error of buying without knowing price. but like who makes a book a normal softcover crochet pattern boo #$55?! anyway it's a lovely book and am excited to try a few of teh patterns but the guilt is eating me alive #and also im super stressed about the assignment i have to turn in on thursday and haven't started #anyway i was literally four and a half hours away from being seven days clean #and i am just so sad right now #and i reopened one of the scars on my wrist too while on shift this morning so that's fun #not badly but it's just gonna mean it scars even more isn't it because of course #i was feeling incredibly awful for some reason i can't even remember and i kinda clawed up my arms. and no i don't count that as #breaking my streak bc it didn't cause much damage #i just. placement is so wonderful but life is so so hard #i don't know i want a hug and the assignment done and everything bad unmade #and the scars i have to look at every day on placement gone. #i want to talk to s but i haven't responded to her last message and i don't know how to respond but i need to respond to that #:(( #honestly actually i think i want to talk to aunty. friend's mum. in person. and get a hug. i want a hug. #im just. So Sad. and i want my brother and Ransom and this is not helpinga nd i don't know what would if anything