#can't cope with the details

[lililovesthings]

Can't cope with the details...

Just small observation with this scene.

Aziraphale brings his hand down - drawing power from heaven (Up) Crowley brings his hand up - drawing power from hell (Down) AND it's like they balance and meet in the middle. Not really sure what to do with this but this is what happens when fanbys make fan shows for fan people....

#can't cope with the details #the details #we are all nerds and I love it #angel crowley #crowly x aziraphale #good omens #good omens spoliers #ineffable spouses #crowley #good ineffable omens #aziraphale #good omens analysis #good omens season 2 #the colors #this is so good #the lighting #this is incredible #this is so beautiful #neil gaiman #thank you neil gaiman #good omens theory #good omens 2 spoilers #go2 #good omens theories #good omens spoiler #good omens speculation #david tennant #michael sheen

[frenchly-anxious]

Kane Pixels is a genius at whatever his art might be called. Because horror is usually, like, gory ways to die that I didn't need to know could happen, stupid protagonists making stupid decisions so the stupid plot can happen, horrible things that I don't want to think about, jumpscares whose only purpose is to cheaply make something scary, etc.

Kane Pixels does none of that. Yet I cannot begin to put into words the fear, the dread, the impending feeling of doom that each of his videos brings me. And strangely enough, the wonderful and unstoppable fascination that grips me every time.

Until Kane Pixels, I never had to physically distance myself from a video in which NOTHING happens. No scary music, no jumpscare, no horrible creature, no blood, no immediate threat.

Guys. His latest video could almost be entirely pitched as: a man walks down a very long stairway.

It's stupid.

It's not scary.

I'm barely four minutes in and I had to stop at least three times because it was too much for me.

What was too much? I'm not sure. The atmosphere? The infinite possibilities of what could happen? The strange feeling that something might go wrong, while nothing really hints at anything that could go wrong? How real and casual it looks? The "hell no" I felt at first glance when that stairway appeared? Maybe all of the above. Maybe none.

The craziest is, despite all that, I WANT to know what happens next, and I keep coming back to it until I watch the whole thing. Every time.

And you know what, in any other circumstances, you'd need a pretty fucked up amount of money to convince me to watch horror for a long period of time — movie, series, video game, whatever. I don't like it, I don't see the point of it, I have a brain that more often than not gets stuck on "Can you imagine what it would actually feel like? 'Cause apparently I can and I will share this thought with you!" So yeah, horror is not my jam.

But I keep coming back to his videos because I'm so curious. I'm not even sure this qualify as "horror." It feels like so much more than that. His storytelling skills are ridiculous. He doesn't give us much. There's no need for complex elements. The thing is, it somehow awakens an old instinct from somewhere deep into my brain that tells me "run run run, something's off, this isn't right, save your life", while another part of my brain gets so excited, because "that's fascinating, I NEED to figure out whatever this is, whatever it means and how it happened."

His series about the Backrooms is insane, but his other random stuff is also beyond words.

#kane pixels #the backrooms #the oldest view #horror #storytelling #I can't believe how long it took me to realize the backrooms series what FULLY made of 3D renditions and not just a weird ass real location #rambling to cope with whatever those videos make me feel #the camera works #the details #what a genius

[buglaur]

#ts4 #sims 4 #missing her big time.... #gotta update everyone in the save with the new skin details i use nooooo #in all honesty idk how i feel about rox's gen roles anymore #5 kids.... no thanks #and... i may or may not move virgil to the macmahon save #he can be the babysitter #when i finish playing the rancher save i'll move them over too #i can't cope with multiple gps i need everyone to be in the one place #i haven't updated my game in months tho i gotta start sorting stuff out :( #/roxana #← sooner or later i will have character tags

[57sfinest]

actually i do want to make this a post. it’s so interesting to think about harry from other people’s perspectives, especially if they’re people who were around him before martinaise. because the thing about harry is: he’s a spectacle. there is not a single person left to him who genuinely *cares*. but there are people who take an interest for interest’s sake. harry is the car crash that people can’t look away from, and it’s such a rich lens to view him through.

let’s exclude jean, judit and trant because there’s already enough you can say about them as the sole remaining members of the major crimes unit. think of the other officers who worked at the 41st. whether they worked in c-wing with him or not, they were exposed to him. they had to be around him in some capacity. as a lieutenant, he was “responsible” (i use that term loosely) for overseeing a number of subordinates under the rank system. 

like put yourself in the shoes of a patrol officer at the 41st. you know harry as, in a word, unstable. a deeply unreliable man of extremes with alarmingly few personal attachments to keep him in check. he’s also practically untouchable as long as he keeps getting results, which he does, at a cost. so there’s never any point in formally complaining about him- he’s never going to be corrected or fired, so you just do one of the following: 1) keep your mouth shut (if you’re polite or playing it safe), 2) only bitch about him out of earshot (if you’ve got something to say but you’re nonconfrontational), 3) start shit with him but in a “playful” way that is secretly sincere (if you’re ballsy/have known him long enough), 4) or start shit with him for real (if you’re jean, or have a death wish). 

and the thing about the last two of those options- *especially the 3rd, which seems to be the favorite of his fellow C-wingers*- you have to know him VERY WELL to pull it off without ostensibly getting your nose broken (or worse). you have to know his moods and his triggers and what exact cocktail of bullshit he’s displaying that day so you know where the line is for this particular shift. whoever figures it out first passes it along to everyone else- hey, you can fuck with him about dating today, but don’t bring up the drinking or last week’s case or he’ll go ballistic. and it’s just like... he’s a specimen. you may not know him on a personal heart-to-heart level, but you know him the way a zookeeper knows their tigers, or the way the falconer knows their hawk. you know when to feed and when to back away with your arms up. it doesn’t make things better, but it stops them getting worse. (for you, anyway).

then martinaise happens and if he comes back- his instability is still there, but it’s not the same. you don’t recognize the way he’s acting. maybe some things are not as bad as before, but all of it is different and it’s impossible to get a read on it. you have no idea how to approach him now, or if you should approach him at all. there’s a new layer to his unreliability and it’s somehow even scarier than before. there’s a tiny tiny calm in his storm, finally, and you don’t know when it’s going to break or what’s going to break it. you hear he’s finally actually kicking the booze and maybe you just scoff and move on, or maybe you let yourself root for him. really it all depends on how long you’ve known him, how many times you’ve seen him *try*. how sympathetic you are to his conditions and how patient of a person you are. how many times he’s hurt you (because that number is rarely going to be zero). no matter what, you’re going to be left wondering. you don’t know how much of him is gone. you don’t know how much is going to come back. you’re not sure how much of each you *want*.

#disco elysium meta #harry du bois #disco elysium #sorry i just think it's so interesting. thinking about the people who watch him come back #you've lost the only little bit of predictability to this man. also this is isn't the same guy even though it is #you don't know how to feel about that. maybe you have the privilege of being distant enough not to care #in a way it's like harry is mr. superstar out of necessity #people engage with him the way they engage with celebrities #they want the entertainment and all the bloody gory details. but interest only extends as far as morbid curiosity #it's an artificial ego inflation as a last ditch effort to stave off the self loathing and the knowledge that no one *gives a shit* #maybe if he pretends he wants to be a display-only item then he'll start to believe it #he's just so deeply convinced that the things people hate about him are his inherent traits that he can't change #and not. you know. his abusive manipulative behavior. #at least before martinaise he had NO self awareness of the fact that he was just actively making people leave #as a self defense measure #he convinced himself that his own shitty coping mechanisms were a way in which he was a victim #instead of the self-inflicted feedback loop they actually were #sorry. im insane i know. but im right #kiwipost #hdb meta

[welcometoteyvat]

read baizhu’s stories. he wins for most balanced character of all time

#and i mean this in terms of lore vs plot relevance and personality traits #i still haven't pulled him but thats fine (coping) sigh he's so idk enriched as a character #like his stories are obv focused on. well himself but they have a lot of nice lore details like his contract w changsheng and some immortali #immortality mentions ig. idk how to describe it also the elaboration on the r/ship between life and death >>>>>> #can't believe he goes to dinner at wfp sometimes lmao?? him and hu.tao be like 'cant stand this bitch 1 min later me and the bestie' /jjjjjj #just kidding i could never water down a nuanced relationship to a joke meme #when they mentioned how he hu tao and zhongli come together and only truly meet heart to heart when conducting last affairs... good stuff #anyways i like him. please come home now i dont want to have to go to 80 pulls for you #back to the lore relevance its nice that his story quest also elaborated on like how god remains affect people and callback to the chi of yo #yore world quest wayyy back #think im pretty satisfied for how his character personality etc turned out after 2 yrs of waiting like some of the hate was so bad lol just #bc of qiqi's stories but like his stories did a nice balance between selfless but sees all transactions as useful ones and does good but wit #with knowledge that it will also benefit his own reputation and image. selfishly selfless search for immortality clever but caring etc etc #he's got a solid head about him and now i want in depth character analysis fics when there are none on ao3 pensive pensive #ramblings! #baizhu

[sol1loqu1st]

i'm going to be seeing a new therapist later this month & i want to bring up possibly/probably having osdd, but i know that since more people have been kinda learning about what DID and osdd actually *are* there's been an influx of ppl claiming to have it (ftr it is NOT my place to tell people they're faking lmao, i don't care if someone claims to have a disorder and then later it turns out they don't & i don't think most ppl are "faking." it's between them & their therapist if they have it or not and it harms no one to self dx, people taking it less seriously isn't the fault of self dxed people either)

but anyway i'm worried that if i go into a therapist's office and immediately tell them i think i have Today's Trendy Disorder i won't be taken seriously. but at the same time there is really obviously *something* going on with me that isn't just normal depression & anxiety and treatment methods for bpd (like dbt, mood stabilizers, etc) haven't helped even a little bit over the several years i've been seeking treatment for it so i'm starting to suspect there's something else going on i haven't been seeing & honestly after talking with my last therapist abt stuff (who i was seeing for bpd/trauma stuff but looking back they were pretty obviously trying to get me to figure out i had a dissociative disorder, whether or not i do they certainly thought so) i'm realizing that some of the things i experience are a lot less normal than i thought and may be consistent w/ an osdd diagnosis (probably not DID because i don't really experience significant memory stuff though lol. i do a little but it's less "can't remember at all" and a little more like waking up from a dream where i can recall the gist of stuff but it feels far away)

i don't even know what id do with a diagnosis though. honestly i just want answers and a place to start in regards to treatment more than anything else

(advice welcome but not expected)

#idk though maybe it is just anxiety #lot of folks im seeing have like. this detailed internal world and talk to their alters and #have like very distinct separate identities and act really different and all that #my stuff is just like..... idk man #i thought i had osdd when i was a teenager but i eventually decided it was bpd mood swings and identity issues #and any memory stuff i did deal with was adrenaline from anxiety #and i'm still not convinced it's like #NOT that? #but the way people talk to me about myself when they're upset w/ me #like there's always this implication that i should be able to control what i do and say even when my emotions are boiling over #but i... Can't #if it's a situation where i could seriously fuck my or someone elses life up i can wrench back control of myself enough #to not get in serious trouble but when i get like how i do there have been times i literally know i shouldnt be doing something and #i want to stop so fucking badly and i just am basically watching myself fuck me over and make awful choices and i can't. stop myself #& i just. i always thought i was just making excuses for myself and that i was just. one of those horrible assholes #who acts like they cant control themself when they hurt others #(& i do take responsibility for the times i've hurt other people or lashed out unfairly. regardless of if it was me or an alter #it's still my responsibility to make things right) #but. idk. maybe it's not just that i'm a bad person #maybe there really is something actually going on with me and i can learn to cope w/ it in healthier ways #also shut up yeah the mp100 finale got me thinking abt this again ok. seeing mob helplessly watching from inside himself #as a Different Him went on a horrible unstoppable rampage. & the solution was that he had to accept the other him as part of himself #was. very much an 'oh' moment for me. so uh #yeah

[zialinart]

Screenshot redraw: Choose an episode/game you love and redraw your favourite scene from it

Oh yeah you mean the most romantic scene in science fiction to have ever existed ? Got yu

#battlestar galactica #space parents #laura roslin #bill adama #about time #I LOVE THIS SCENE SO MUCH AND I'M DISAPOINTED I COULDN'T DO IT JUSTICE #laura's face is fucked up and bill is just not really detailed #but if i work on it much longer i'll get crazy #but yeah favorite scene ever #he risked his ship and his entire crew down to the last second to wait for her #and then he just abandon them to his son cause he can't live without her #and she's been lost in space and in thoughts trying to cope with her own mortality #realizing there's still things worth living for #and she comes back and she can't believe he waited #and she finally says i love you #and he's been waiting for this for sooo long and it's just #MY HEART #things

[wickedhawtwexler]

i get sooo worried about going off my adhd meds, but honestly i feel like i sometimes exaggerate how bad my adhd is because the last time i was unmedicated for a long period of time (right before i was diagnosed) i was also literally suicidal and had severe anxiety which uh. definitely exacerbated the lack of focus 🫠

#like. i'm unfocused and fidgety and i keep losing my phone and i'm sooo tired #but it's nowhere near as bad as 2021. i'm getting my work done (albeit slowly) & responding to emails #i used my extra free time this morning to practice piano for literally almost an hour??? #idk. the amount of work i'm getting done today is not up to my normal standards but it's not NOTHING #there were soooo many days in 2021 where i literally got NOTHING done #i think i'm also better at coping lol. like i KNOW i can't focus on things for a long time so i switch tasks #today i'm interspersing my work with cutting piece for a new quilt i'm working on lol #i also did laundry!!! and picked up oat milk & treated myself to a panini from my local deli #i got an email this morning that my labwork is in so i should be able to meet with my new doctor this week and get back on meds #i have 3 pills left but i'm saving them just in case #i'm worried because i was off my meds for like 4 days before my drug test so i tested negative for amphetamines #so i'm worried they're gonna accuse me of selling them or something #but it's all good. i keep a very detailed medication log in my bullet journal. i have Evidence™ #(me: i'm not that adhd / also me: writes an entire novel in the tags of this post) #m.txt

[grewlikefancyflowers]

the parallels ✨

#mdzs #phoenix mountain kiss and ib1 of course #can't decide if lwj's dream changed over time since he first had it as a teenager to incorporate certain details from their interactions #such as this #or if lwj was standing there experiencing several layers of insanity after having non con kissed wwx #because this scenario is playing out JUST LIKE his actual non con dream #actually lwj IS standing there retreating to his mind palace where he pushes wwx against a tree and kisses him again #cutting off that laughter with his own mouth #this is lwj's coping mechanism for dealing with wei ying btw #he's been like this since cloud recesses he's just gotten better at hiding it #and if u are thinking that lwj feels way too bad about what just happened to be fantasising about doing the same thing again #you are incorrect this man is unhinged. more on that soon

[yardsards]

your Horror Toilet recollection is gonna keep me up all night. thanks a lot & sorry you lived like that

pfffthaha ur welcome

and luckily it was one of the aspects of my childhood that was funny-awful rather than awful-awful (nor awful-awful that i had, at the time, convinced myself was funny-awful)

and i prolly only had to use it like, a dozen or so times a year, when the upstairs bathroom was occupied but i couldn't hold it

(and "occupied" was normally just someone taking a bath, rather than using the toilet in that bathroom, so this really could've been avoided if we just had a shower curtain around that bathtub so the upstairs toilet could be used whilst someone was bathing, yet still maintaining the privacy of both parties)

#eliot posts #sidenote that reminds me of the time in high school i was taking a bath late at night and didn't think to lock the bathroom door #and my mother (very drunk to cope with accidentally removing someone's foot. long story.) barges in #doesn't notice my presence. starts pissing. passes out on the toilet. #it was so fucking absurd i can't even consider it a bad memory it was just??? #it's to this day one of my FUNNIEST stories #especially to tell out loud. i don't think i could get it across through text #but it leaves people WHEEZING when i tell it in detail #part of that may be due to me being (according to multiple people) ''an amazing storyteller'' #tho i think i've gotten rather rusty since high school :/ #alcohol mention #in tags

[chewysgummies]

Maybe I should make a Twitter account again just to turn it into a killbot 86 fan account since I'm brain rotting over him so badly.

#chewys notes #killbot 86 #but lowkey #twitter make me so uncomfortable #Like i get panicky using that app #Not to vent #But im pretty sure i gave myself PTSD from it #i can't go into details #But just know that i used to have a very bad coping mechanism #im recovering from it but i sometimes want to go back to it despite how extremely awful it is #But that all im going to say #Maybe if i turn off dm and disable the comments on there #i would feel a bit at ease #But still #Im just scared about that app #it give me major social anxiety

[renthony]

Your personal triggers and squicks do not get to determine what kind of art other people make.

People make shit. It's what we do. We make shit to explore, to inspire, to explain, to understand, but also to cope, to process, to educate, to warn, to go, "hey, wouldn't that be fucked up? Wild, right?"

Yes, sure, there are things that should be handled with care if they are used at all. But plenty more things are subjective. Some things are just not going to be to your tastes. So go find something that is to your tastes and stop worrying so much about what other people are doing and trying to dictate universal moral precepts about art based on your personal triggers and squicks.

I find possession stories super fucking triggering if I encounter them without warning, especially if they function as a sexual abuse metaphor. I'm not over here campaigning for every horror artist to stop writing possession stories because they make me feel shaky and dissociated. I just check Does The Dog Die before watching certain genres, and I have my husband or roommate preview anything I think might upset me so they can give me more detail. And if I genuinely don't think I can't handle it, I don't watch it. It's that simple.

#this post is directly inspired by that goddamn Stop Setting Horror In Hospitals post I keep seeing #fuck you actually I don't care if YOU find it triggering #plenty of my disabled friends including myself like seeing hospital horror used to examine systemic ableism and abuse by doctors #you don't have to engage with it #but you also don't get to say it's not allowed to exist anymore #jackass #original post

[paganinpurple]

AO3 Etiquette -UPDATED

Based on both decent and not so decent replies, I have made some changes to my original post below.

It would seem a whole new kind of AO3 reader/writer is emerging and it is becoming clear not everyone quite understands how the website community works. Here is some basic guidance on how most people expect you to go about using AO3 to keep this a fun community archive that funtions correctly:

As well as likes, kudos is for when the story was interesting enough to make you finish reading. If it sucked or was badly written, you probably left. If you finished it, you liked it - so kudos.

If you really liked it, you should try to comment. It can be long and detailed or a literal keysmash. Writers don't care, we just love comments.

No critisism unless the author has specifically asked or agreed to hear it (so use your notes to say if you want some constructive feedback). Even constructive critisism is a no-no unless an author note tells you it's okay. No, posting it online is not an open invitation for that. Many people write as a fun hobby or a way to cope with, among other things, insecurity and just want to share. Don't ruin that for them. I've seen so many authors just stop writing coz they can't handle the negative emotions the critism brings, and it's only meant to be a fun thing shared for free (pointing out tagging errors is not included in this).

Do not comment to ask the author to write/update something else. It's tacky and off-putting and will probably have the opposite effect than the one you want.

There is no algorithm, it's an archive. Use the search and filter function to add/remove the pairings/characters/tropes etc. you want to read about and it will find you the fics that fit the bill.

For this to work, writers must tag and rate stories. This avoids readers finding the wrong things and missing the stuff they want. I don't care how cringy that trope is in your eyes - it gets tagged.

The tag exception is if you don't want to tag a million things or spoil your story, you can rate it as "chose not to use warnings," and maybe tag the bare minimum.

Don't censor tags. How can someone exclude a tag if the word isn't typed out correctly? There are no content bans for terms so don't censor them.

If the tags are mostly content/trigger warnings, especially if they are things considered very fucked up or graphic, you might want to use "dead dove - do not eat" to ensure people know that you're not messing around with tags and what they get is exactly what you've warned them about.

Character A/Character B means a ROMANTIC or SEXUAL relationship of some kind. Character A&Character B is PLATONIC, like friendship or family.

Nothing is banned. This is an rule because banning one thing is a slipperly slope to banning another and another, until nothing is allowed anymore. Do not expect anyone to censor for you. Because of the tags system, you are responsible for your own reading experience.

People can create new chapters and sequels/fic series any time after they "complete" a story. So it's considered perfectly normal to subscribe, even to a finished story. You can even subscribe to the author instead just to cover your bases.

Do not repost stories or change the publishing date without an extremely good reason (like a complete top to bottom rewrite or an exchange youve written for going public). It's an archive, not social media. No one cares what's the most recent, only what fits their tag needs.

Instead of deleting a story you wrote if you hate it - consider making it anonymous or orphaning it so others can still enjoy it, without it being connected to your name anymore. If you still want to delete it, fair enough.

It's come to my attention that metaworks ARE allowed on AO3, which is something I wasn't aware of. So if you do post an essay or theory, please tag it as such so others can choose to search for it or exclude it. Art is also allowed.

The only reason this archive works is because NON ONE PROFITS. Do not link to your ko-fi or patreon or mention monetary gain in any way or you violate the terms and risk having your account removed. If anyone does link, it leaves the archive open to people claiming it's for profit and having the whole thing removed.

I KNOW there's plenty more I missed but I'm trying to cover most of the basics that people seem to be struggling with.

I invite anyone to add to this, but please explain, don't berate.

#ao3 #using ao3 #archive of our own #fanfiction #fanworks

[laughingmagi]

Bit of a personal dump under the cut.

Well I was very motivated today for the first time since the incident. Now that I'm mostly normal about it though perhaps a bit more paranoid as a general rule, I'll say as tactfully as and briefly as possible, while I was taking my dog out for a walk, we but mostly he was attacked by a neighbourhood dog that wasn't leashed. We are both fine but it was frankly one of the most terrifying experiences of my life and I had a really intense nervous breakdown. It's kinda been playing on loop in the back of my mind or some detail popping in for days. Anyway sorry sorry tmi, but it's still five days until I see my therapist and I had to say something lmao. Also vaguing on the social media makes the mutuals paranoid, so if you saw my posts throughout the week, no there has not been drama behind the scenes. lmao actually I guess it's much worse. Anyway, uh, before i dumped on about all that, my point was i was all motivated to write and shit and I think had a caffeine crash after dinner. Still might do but there's just as much a chance that I'll go play a video game instead or watch something on youtube while half comatose or half assing some exercise so i don't feel lazy for skipping out on another day.

#idek if I should put triggers but I really don't go into a great lot of detail #basically if you can't even cope with the smallest reference of an animal being hurt or sick don't expand the cut #I don't mean that as passive aggressively as that reads #i'm just being straight as in honest not heterosexual #as much as I hate dumping on the internet vague posting about feeling like shit is honestly just as bad #I mean unless it's about having a tummy ache or being on your period or something like that #maybe tbd #ooc;

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

i watched My Neighbor Totoro for the first time, here's my chronological viewing experience:

woo-hoo! dusty old japanese house with japanese architectural details aplenty

these kids got some ENERGY my goodness

family dynamic's adorable. peak quality dad humor

kids: our house is haunted. parents: that's so cool!

hell yeah, wrinkled old lady rep. we need more friendly old women with potato faces and warts like storybook witches. the backbone of society, these ladies

Plot Summary: Small Child Bothers Local Wildlife

sacred tree sacred tree sacred tree

Introducing Totoro! nobody said this fucker's got TEETH???

Uh-Oh! Inadequate Parental Supervision Detected

(you misplaced your four year old! you're not supposed to do that)

4-year-old: i met a magic forest spirit. dad: oh shit fr?

4-year-old: *angrily hugs sister* missed u bitch

this small child has a smile like a toad. like a really really cute toad. like the cutest toad in all existence. i love her she's perfection please just let this child be happy

rice paddies are so pretty....so back breaking....rice is such a prissy crop

*my crush is stranded in a rainstorm* takethisumbrellait'syoursnowBYE *runs away in panic im so good at flirting*

Giant Chinchilla Learns To Hold Umbrella, Is Fucking Delighted By Experience

take this, it will help you on your quest! *hands u trail mix wrapped in a leaf*

LO-FI HIP HOP STUDY LIST!

crouching down to peer at dirt--A++ top notch foundational childhood experience

mom has a big ass forehead

honey! the chinchillas are performing Rituals in the backyard again

help yeah let's jack and the bean stalk this shit

huh so we're all just climbing aboard the giant chinchilla's tiddies now ok

class trip!

the pure adrenaline of Vegetable Gardening

no! the small child is crying! she is bawling her eyes out. no no no. i can't cope with this. emotionally i cannot cope 🥺🥺🥺

i've only had Mei one hour but if anything happens to her i will raze this earth and everyone on it

please someone make this small child smile again

oh no the tall child is crying too

i can't take this. my heart can't take this.

i need a drink

small child running determined to deliver magic veggies to the hospital. this kid is my hero

she is also unsupervised. so, so unsupervised

babe you are FOUR

godDAMMIT ghibli, you cannot give me watercolor sunsets while a small child is missing. u are killing me. my heart is giving out. this is me, experiencing heart failure.

Totoro to the rescue!

no wait CATBUS to the rescue!

i admit i initially thought the cat was a creep. alice in wonderland prejudiced me. i have revised my notions of smiling cats

i've decided the cat is a metaphor for the magic of a robust public transport system

MEI'S OKAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and so is mom. she's a lovely lady im sorry for what i said about her forehead. it's a noble forehead.

happy ending YES bitch!!!!!!

ok. ok ok ok. that was magical.

(as a first-time adult viewer i was worried i wouldn't be able to Access the Magic. but i could and i did and it was incredible. that was culture. that was ART. joy distilled into animated form. holy rites of childhood. i understand now. how glorious, this world we grow out of. how full of marvels. i'm going outside to smell grass and sun and get dirt under my fingernails. miraculous.)

#mr ghibli please you cannot do this to my heart #totoro #my neighbor totoro #spoilers #? #initially i misspelled Totoro as Tortoro throughout the entire post #i fixed it but dear heavens i was tempted to leave it in. you're WELCOME