#can we move on from her now?

[axolotlclown]

We need to remember that Shubble stated that Wilbur would manipulate and gaslight friends and family. With this, we must be patient with streamers that were close to Wilbur. This was likely surprising and shocking for them. They may need time to come to terms with what has happened.

I have been vocal about how important it is for men to be critical about abusive behaviors. However, Wilbur had many close friends—some would even consider him family—and now they may feel they hardly knew him at all.

There is a deep stress felt by viewers. It is difficult to think we have given any amount of time or money to an abuser. Could you imagine a close friend right now? The pain and betrayal must sear. They need time to understand what has happened and come to terms with it. Many of them may not be live in the coming days (weeks even).

That being said, as time passes, criticism may be necessary. Complacency is not an option. Men that are willing to ignore abuse to protect an abuser are just as pathetic as the abusers themselves.

Let's give this situation time to breathe. I ask that we give patience and courtesy to those close to Wilbur at this time. But please do not forget that this happened. There may be a few streamers hoping to lay low and then drop a collab in a few months. Do not let them. This is too important.

#for now #the best thing we can do is spread awareness about abuse and offer support to domestic violence victims #i also want to add #that any previous art made about him was made with pure intentions #obviously its up to each individual to decide where the line is #but maybe lets not support him monetarily moving forward #that seems to be the move #anyway #please be kind to each other and give each other space #especially domestic violence survivors that may be here with us #and those who may have realized they were/are abused from shubbles story #i want to offer her and everyone around as much support as i can #if any domestic violence survivers have any stories they want to share #my dms and askbox are open #if anyone suspects that someone in their life may be abusing someone #this offer is open to you too #we need to talk about this #thoughts of dante #wilbur soot #shubble #im tagging this under shubble even though the post isnt really about her but i want the tags of this post to reach #whoever needs to read them

[13eyond13]

I think the moment Light's crush on L first smacked him in the manga (like when it finally rooted and started blooming in his guts) was when L was like "you're my first ever friend" whilst smirking into his teacup. And not because Light fully believed he was being sincere about being friends, but because he KNEW L was slyly teasing him and speaking to him on more than one level at once. Nothing more unexpected funny flattering and intriguing than that for him right then

#im thinking about this specifically because of that post about the girl getting a huge crush on her enemy that saved all her threats #bc that's basically that moment for light i think #light tries to squash all positive emotions towards others at all times when he's kira if they interfere with his plans after all #but if L does something like this to him then it forces him to think about his feelings in a strategic preparation sort of way #nay dare i say it basically is giving light permission to do so #he can now hold off on completely stamping out those feelings as soon as they arise #almost (he thinks) as a way to study his enemy and see how full of shit he may or may not actually be about such things #this moment probably starts a shift in light where he can allow himself to acknowledge that he maybe has a bit more than just #enemy feels for L you know #bc maybe L also is having other kinds of feels about him?? #whether or not it's true it would impress him as a bold move #and kickstart him having to analyze what he actually does sincerely feel for L #and maybe start reframing and recontextualizing a lot of their tense ambiguous interactions up til that point secretly as well #heck we basically see him doing that when hes like lounging at his desk going HAH if it's friendship he wants then by god it's friendship #he will get #and this game of chicken with L about saying theyre friends keeps him from being able to completely avoid confronting #any complicated feels #like he otherwise probably would #because he legit cant back down from preparing for another battle of the wits with L #both because of his competitive pride and his genuine need to protect himself #would he call it a crush to himself yet #no probably not #i feel like that came later much later #he def would have acknowledged it as such by the end of the story tho #essentially L found a way to create a little wedge to ram in the door to Light's feels #and that is a smart enough move to probably have made Light start developing a crush on him even if he didn't have one already #l lawliet #light yagami #lawlight #p

[falsehound]

i like it when dogs are a little blonde like this who did your highlights little man

#lucky #dogblr #handsomedogs #residents #dogs #ok now. we are snowed in today! #i got a new job doing laboratory and pharmacy work instead of clinic #so i can recover from my major depressive episode lol #anyway doing ok so far! im learning to be a human again:) #lucky leia and i are saying hi :) #still dating my wonderful girlfriend #we are planning to move together to europe when shes done with her things and im done with mine :)soon

[sunmoontruth-stiles]

I need a completely rewritten teen wolf series with Derek Hale as the main character. I think it would heal me.

#we follow Derek from New York. Laura left for beacon hills. it’s been six years since he was back but he hasn’t heard from her #and hes going stir crazy waiting. he packs up and travels back. it’s almost too much immediately. he still can’t get a hold of Laura #he can’t resist going home. it’s like a natural pull that guides him back. all at once he’s 16 again. staring at the wreckage of his life #deputy stilinski is sherrif now. it’s reassuring in the slightest that the police force seems to have moved on from how corrupt it was #he catches her scent and it’s putrid. bile catches in his throat. he seeks it out. still in denial to what he knows it means. #when he finds Laura it’s like the world ends all over again. he can’t stand to see her like this. he gives her a proper burial. #the best he can do at least #he visits Peter. he’s not the man Derek remembers- so full of fire and cunning. their relationship may have been strained at times. #often Derek felt more like Eve being swayed by the snake than a normal friendship #but this isn’t the sharp tongued uncle who guided him. this is a broken shell. all that remained of his family. he was so lost. #22 but he barely knew how to function without his family- his pack paving the way #Laura handled everything. she got the apartment. she made sure they had food. Derek looks back and feels so useless #he was so lost in his grief. Laura must of felt the same way but she never let them drown in it #she made sure he got his GED. even got him to enroll in community college classes. #he took them online. he never was able to warm up to people the same way. he used to be so full of life. now he just wanted to be left alone #he studied English. never finished his degree. doesn’t look like he ever will now. he can’t go back to Laura and his shared home. #can’t bare to see another shell of a home #he vents to the vacant audience of Peter and his cold fixed eyes #Derek leaves. he wants to promise he’ll return soon #but promises feel costly these days #he decides to go back to the reserve. maybe he can find some clue as to what happened to Laura #someone lured her here. someone who knew them and their history here #his mind went to the worst. Kate. why would she go through the trouble six years later. why wait so long. #Derek couldn’t stomach the thought of facing her. he focused on the woods. the scents were all over the place. #clearly multiple people had been through here recently. two scents were much stronger. Derek follows them #but when he hears the crunch of leaves he realizes why the scents are so strong. they’re still here #he ducks behind some trees. listening in on their conversation. but an echo of their scent catches his attention #he spots an inhaler on the ground. he puts two and two together and swipes it from the leaves. #he comes out once they’re closer. tossing over the inhaler- he figures they’ll leave. dumb kids messing around in the woods #he reminds them this is private property. though that may not be true anymore. he recognizes the scent of a new beta. interesting.

[booasaur]

NCIS: Hawai’i - 2x05

#ncishawaiiedit #ncis hawai'i #lucy tara #kate whistler #yasmine al bustami #tori anderson #ncis hawai'i 2x05 #kate x lucy #kacy #femslash related stuff #in hindsight knowing what they're both thinking this is so fun and interesting to watch #since it was originally released as a sneak peek so we got a couple days' viewing and wondering how things would shake out #but you can see how both are eager to broach the moving in together convo but both afraid to be the first one #kate especially goes from confident and smug in being able to place every little lucy wants and practically reading her mind #to confused and wary at not knowing something so large and assuming there's a reason for it--that lucy doesn't want her to know #WE know that lucy didn't because she didn't want to pressure kate but kate's now just thinking there was a reason #but still that second last gif lol it almost came out #you can see that little throat swallow as she finally makes the decision to not go there #also #really loved that little work gym and you line from lucy

[shhh-secret-time]

To be honest, stardew valley has me in such a chokehold. It always has, even before the 1.6.

In such a way that my brain wants to smash my hyperfixation into it. So late at night I'll be awake thinking of this stardew/south park mashup.

Call that bad boy Star Park AU.

But no brain! Bad! We already have too much going on! You have a Secret Soulmate AU. Fantasy AU, A Cowboy AU story staring Kenny that's still in the outline phase, and these one shots!

(Look at the tags to watch me descent into madness)

#like C'mon #it would be so cute and wholesome #ya know #everything south park isn't #its not my fault I think about me and my friends ocs starting a little farm together #i got one friend I rp with #we smash everything into our stardew rp #it ain't even really stardew besides like the layout of the town #I could write something like that up #like Stan and his family are already “farmers” #the heart event where he tells you he fucking hates it #but next heart event he confesses he's starting to associate farming with you #and now...maybe its not so bad? #COME ON #Kenny taking Karen to see your animals and falling in love with the way you're so gentle with her #Kyle finding you passed out in the mines and scolding you for being careless #but he's patching you up while he does it!!!? #Cartman demanding you bring him crops from your farm because #“everyone elses crops taste like dirt and ball sweat! at least I can stomach yours.” #(its the sweetest thing hes ever said tbh) #tweek having his little coffee shop set up there #he gets away from his parents and moves out to the valley because its quiet! #Craig moves out there to study the stars because they're so clear he can almost see all of them without a telescope #Clyde is JUST Alex and you cant change my mind #after the death of his mother he goes to live with his grandparents #Bebe is like a mix of Haley and Emily! #her events would be you helping her get her outfit designs off the ground and using her photography skills to have you model them #Wendy's whole thing would her being the mayors assistant but over heart events you make her believe in herself #and she becomes mayor; fuck you lewis you old fuck #shhh its a secret

[mazzy-rockstar]

Monday blues are hitting me hard today

#you can ignore this if you want cause im gonna talk a lot of shit and sads and feelings #but as i’ve realised i literally have no one to empty my heart out to irl #and it’s fucking heartbreaking cause i love my friends but I don’t think they love me back #which is an insane though but I genuinely think it’s true like #i moved away 4 ish months ago and i know that communication comes from both side but like i wanted to test smt #so i stopped texting first and guess what?? only 2 friends texted me #1 because she’s genuinely a good friend i think and the other because she needed money (which i gave her like a fucking fool) #my heart just hurts cause i realised i’m not as important to them as they are to me and I’m completely misreading our relationship and #it sucks because I thought they were going to be my friends for life but now they’re all posting recaps of 2023 and im in none of their pics #even in pics where i was present at the time #and i dont know if it’s intentional or if im just being an insecure little bitch but it fucking hurts #i just want to be important to someone #i want to be someone’s person #not a last resort like #they keep doing stuff together which i get like life moves on and i’m the one that left #but not a single text or a pic or a ‘we miss you!’ #not even a fucking heart on insta stories #am i being desperate?? or do I actually have shitty friends #like i have impostor syndrome in my own fucking friendgroup??? #I can’t just drop them either cause then I’ll actually have no one #idk i must exude some sort of energy #i dont think ive ever had a genuine good best friend like for some reason they leave after 3 years #(and this is why i have trust issues and attachment disorders) #anyway I’ll probably just suck it up and go about my day #ive lived 24 years like this what’s an entire life #it’s wild cause i have a good time whenever i’m with them (i think) and then i leave and it’s crickets #i feel like hired entertainment sometimes #idk my head hurts so I’m probably overthinking but like these feelings come from somewhere right? #i have to stop

[fictionadventurer]

People will often say, 'If you could be with Lincoln for dinner, what would you want to ask him? What would be the unanswered question?' And I know I should be asking him, 'OK, suppose you had not been killed, how would you have dealt with the South? How would you have dealt with Reconstruction and all the controversies that arose?' But I know that if I really had him for dinner one night, I would simply ask him, 'Tell me a story, Mr. Lincoln.' Because then I would see him coming alive. He laughed so hard when he told one of his funny stories, his eyes would twinkle. And then I'd know that the Lincoln I knew -- who was somehow able in the worst days of the war to dispel the anxiety of his Cabinet members by his humor and his life-affirming sense of storytelling -- then I’d know I would have seen him alive.

-Doris Kearns Goodwin, Presidential Episode 16

This was where I had to stop the Lincoln episode at the end of my commute, and as I pulled into the parking lot I said to myself, "Wow, that's lovely." A little schmaltzy, perhaps, but I think it gets to the core of why people study history. Sure, there's the intellectual impulse to analyze and understand events with the benefit of hindsight, but deep down, the heart of historical study is a desire to connect with people. To bridge the gulf of time and space and get to know people despite the fact that they lived in a completely different century.

History's not just dry lists of dates and names and theories. It's people. It's personalities. It's quirks and memories and stories. It's knowing that a historical figure isn't just a face on a monument, or a source of information, but a guy who can tell really funny stories. And I wanted to share this quote because it really understands the humanity of history in a way I rarely see expressed.

#history is awesome #presidential talk #i had this woman's lincoln book rented on libby #cuz the library happened to have it and i thought i recognized her name from podcast ep descriptions #with no real intention of ever listening to it but now i may just have to give it a try #it's crazy how i keep thinking 'this era of history's so interesting i don't think i want to move forward in the podcast' #but then i hit the next ep and it fires me up to find out what's next #i thought the lincoln ep would be relatively boring but they take an interesting angle with it #and after all the buildup to pre-civil-war #i'm now desperate to see how they can possibly build things back up now that they finally broke apart #look at me treating american history as if it's a tv show #(of course i know the broad outlines but i'm specifically not refreshing my memory on later details to avoid 'spoilers') #anyway i didn't want to make the main point of the post about catholic things #but i do want to mention here in the tags that this approach to history #is one of the greatest proofs we have of the communion of saints #we have a drive to connect with each other despite coming from different times #we are timeless beings caught up in the flow of time #enough rambles time to post

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#its sort of funny. i think my medication is working pretty well. i feel stable in a way i never really have before #is it the dopamine stablizer or is it my ion channels? whos to say. it doesn't matter. but it also doesnt change some things #the ways i think and react negativly to change. but it makes it easier to deal with. i still experience this strange dispaire on the #weekends or anytime im not working. i think the oddest thing is thst i dont think ive ever been this consistenly sad #not in a depressed sort of way. just a passing thoughts make me tear up sort of way. it doesnt feel out of control. it just feels like a #prelude to grief i guess. bc my mum is still in the hospital and its so hard to kno what that means from halfway across the country #my sisters are both home right now. they both live within 3hrs of where we grew up. one sister lives in the city my mom goes to for #treatment. so they have the opportunity to see her more than me. i dunno if they do tho. we dont really talk. i dont kno if they're as sad #as i am. if im overreacting bc i cant physically see what's happening. what the feeling is in the room. not that she would probably complain #shes the suffer in silence type. my dad keeps texting us pics of our shitty lil sunroom that hes redoing #to make my mum a lil sanctuary. he must be sad too. its his wife. hes staying with her in the hospital rn. i dunno its so weird #when i talk to my counselor she assumes i find out info thru calls or talk to my sisters abt it and i gotta b like nah we dont really talk #i get my info thru text. i havent talked to my parents on the phone in like a month. i dunno we just dont talk. so i dont kno how to reach #out and be like yo so whats up? shoulf i plan on coming home this summer for a bit?? like??? #this is the disadvantage of leaving thr place where you grew up. probably when i finish my phd i should move closer to home #somewhere in the Appalachian mountains maybe. somewere in the eastern deciduous forrest. somewhere with thunderstorms. #but thats years from now. who knows what ill b doing. for now im just sad and tired and i dont quite kno what to do in the short or long #term bc im feeling the weight of my mental limitations rather intensely. but maybe im just being self limiting #whatever. i dont have a dead mum yet. shes not even on hospice care. things are just uncertain and dont look so hot #i just dont see how it can get better from here when chemo gave her secondary blood cancer and shes still full of tumors #i dont think im being that dramatic. it just objectively seems not great for survival #unrelated

[spark-circuit]

sad that i have to make this post but wanted to archive some of her photos. i'll put context under the cut just in case.

for any mutuals who knew about my cat Chloe, she sadly had to be put to sleep today due to heart failure. she was well loved - a big eater with a big heart - and lived practically in decadence for 18 human years though; the vet said she was around the ballpark of 114 cat years old! i'll miss her dearly as she was around for a lot of my childhood through school, college and uni, and through lockdown too, but at the same time i know we gave her the best life she could've had, so that at least softens the blow a little.

rest in peace, dear! 💙 clearly you preferred mum taking care of you over us, lmao 😸

#rest in peace friend #spark's cat chloe #tw: death #spark talks about something of importance #still heartbroken because i wanted her to see one more sunny day out on the balcony but #it was genuinely just her time - too tired to move heavy breathing etc. she hasn't been herself for a few months now #me and dad are gonna give it a week or two before we adopt a new one from the shelter #hopefully we can give them a good home too!

[ssreeder]

Instead of sleeping I read chapter 17 and as always GIRL IT WAS SOOO GOODDD. EVERY TIME I THINK I KNOW WHATS GOING ON YOU DO LIKE A 360 TURN.

I love Jee and Bato so much actually. Ik it’s really probable that one of them will die cause you hint it all the time so I’m scared.

Im also glad the boys are finally doing a little healing (apparently Zuko’s not doing very well According to you but shhhhh he’s fine).

When I saw the suicide tag I did a little guessing game on who it would be and I did a little preview of the chapter and as soon as I saw Ara had a POV I knew it was gonna be her. I’m glad she finally is doing something with her life and not stalking her victims!! (I have a love hate relationship with her) She’s also friends with Katara now, oh god Sokka is gonna take this so well!!!

THE CHAPTER WAS SO GOOD THANK YOU FOR MAKING IT!!! :D

Also random question, i think I was just reading to into everything but I’ve always wondered did people brush their teeth at torture murder prison? The general quality of life there was not so good so idk if they would even supply toothbrushes??? Like Ik they have way more pressing issues but imagine if all those people dying at the prison weren’t cause of torture murder but like of a gum infection. There’s no way Zuko and Sokka don’t have hella cavities. Watch Zuko’s gonna live through all this shit and die of a tooth infection at 20.

Anyways THANK YOU FOR THE CHAPTER!!!

Have a good day!!!!

AHHHHHH HIIIIII!!!

always great to hear from you & im happy my fic continues to surprise you haha.

as for Jeeto awwww our little babies I do hope nothing bad happens to them <3

Hahaha Ara 5 minutes after deciding she was going to live: Now I will find a way to make this Sokkas problem. *befriends katara*

as for your tooth question haha, Ara did mention she’s pulled a buckets worth of teeth so I am assuming most people don’t brush their teeth but Sokka was given a prison “welcome kit” that I think had a toothbrush in it… hopefully. THANKS FOR THE ASK FRIEND

#Also not to be uhhhh dark but #I assume zuko had his teeth brushed regularly #For ummmm reasons #Petition for zuko and sokka to lose teeth & get some awesome implants YES #GOLD DIAMOND WHO KNOWS- they could distract from their scars with their fresh new grillz #GOT THE WHOLE TOP DIAMOND AND THE BOTTOM ROW GOLD #SORRY haha i just think it’s funny hahaha #But yeah Ara is a train wreck of a person and I don’t think she can exist in a world where she isn’t causing trouble #She’s going to DO HER BEST THOUGH #I’m glad we are moving on though and now next chapter we get some much needed iroh content #So wohoooo #Thanks for the ask lizy you’re amazing #Lizywriter #Liab #ITF #leaving it all behind #ask #Tw suicide mention #tw suicide

[thresholdbb]

Fight me

#now we just fucking around #it’s like being pecked to death by ducks #early seasons she didn’t wanna fight enough so moved some of her PERPETUALLY PISSED later seasons attitude earlier #i know it’s bad there was no ref but then it made me laugh at how bad it is #the first version she has so much neck like a heckin giraffe #the first sketch (on paper) she had so much neck like a heckin’ giraffe #make bad art or whatever #im having fun and that’s what matters right probably not oh we’ll fight me #mostly color picked from an lcars console cause no rules who cares #can i blame the 4pm coffee? yeah no probably not #oh god go to bed what are you doing thresholdbb get a life touch grass stop being so weird #hopelessly LOST IN THE DELTA QUADRANT #gonna repeat don’t get a brain injury all your skills go out the dang window #im sorry I’ll look for where the multitudes went

[coldflasher]

the flash should have ended with barry quitting his job at ccpd to become a stay-at-home husband and that's on that

#the fun part is it genuinely could have ended like that. i have no idea. still haven't watched it #NOBODY TELL ME BTW #THAT IS NOT ME ASKING FOR SPOILERS. I'LL GET TO IT #but honestly it's the only thing that makes sense. i have genuine reasons for this #namely: how the fuck is iris. an incredible but ordinary non-speedster woman. meant to look after a baby speedster #ordinary babies are already making it their life's mission to die. eating shit they shouldn't. rolling over and suffocating. #idk i don't know about kids but i know babies are breakable and will roll off tables and god knows what else #now imagine you have a toddler and she can literally move at hundreds of miles per hour #how the fuck was iris meant to cope? #i still maintain that when they did the 'she put a power dampener in nora' plot it should have been like. not a control thing #but also yeah. literally a control thing because HOW THE FUCK ELSE WAS SHE MEANT TO LOOK AFTER HER BABY #if barry is gone and she's a single mother. assuming no other speedsters are around to help her. what the fuck else was she meant to do? #of course she had to suppress her powers because how can you stop your toddler running into traffic if she can run 1000 times faster than u #how do you keep her in her crib at night if she can phase through the bars? #in that sense. yeah it's fucked up. but you can understand it. you can empathize. what other options did she have? #so yeah stay-at-home dad barry is the only thing that makes sense for genuine safety reasons #he is quite literally the only one who can keep up with the kids #they dropped the ball on nora is all i'm saying. again. fic that lives in my head where original nora's death actually means something #and we get a new nora who is ACTUALLY a different person. as she would be considering her whole upbringing was different #and she has to somehow live up to the memory of a version of her that was erased from time #part of barry and iris can't accept that that specific version of their daughter is gone and it's not her #THE ANGST POTENTIALLLL #in my head she doesn't even go by nora because she's like. THAT'S NOT ME. SHE DIED. WHY CAN'T YOU ACCEPT WHO I AM AND LOVE ME FOR ME #she goes by dawn bc yeah im still kinda sad they didnt use that name #fictional characters give ur kid an original name instead of always naming them after dead ppl challenge #my fics #my meta

[iguessitsjustme]

I'm bored so two truths and a lie time - hair edition why the fuck not

Is it strange to do a two truths and a lie about my hair? No idea. I'm gonna do it anyway.

#two truths and a lie #i wanted to do the blandest two truths and a lie ever #like each option is so incredibly boring that it's so hard to figure out what the lie is #but my friend told me that nothing about me is boring #i think their exact words were #that's because yr a weirdo whomst is odd #anyway moving on from that #story time in the tags #earlier today i went to target and i accidentally broke the self checkout machine #just because i requested cash back #that employee was PISSED #not at me but at the machine. you could tell he was sick of the shit always breaking #i said sorry and got mine ass out of there #went and ordered a burger #then called my mom and she bought us tickets to go see an opera #per her brother's orders because i said i'd never seen one and he took that as a personal attack #so now my mom is visiting in a few months so we can go to the opera #she got us reasonably decent seats too #not the best and not the worst

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

Oh god.

This summer you sent our mutual friend a package, to get to me. An heirloom, a bit of camp history. Passed down to me.

And on that package, your phone number and address. Your phone number, that I had long deleted from my phone because the urge to call you was always too strong.

When I last saw you in person, you said that when you finally moved to the city it would be with your girlfriend. You would move in together. And surely, she would become your fiancee and then your wife.

There it is. On the package. Your new address, in the city.

I have to keep myself from calling you right now. You probably have my number blocked, and I truly don't know what I'd do if you answered. But I would give anything to hear your voice again.

Even if it's just you saying, "Hello? Who is this?" While her voice is in the background, asking you what you want for dinner.

At this point, I don't even need to be the voice in the background asking what you want for dinner.

I just wish I could be the voice on the other end of your phone call.

#idk if this made sense. its 4am #but storytime i guess #years ago. like four now. i had a best friend #i loved her so much. truly i was in love with her. which was the problem #she had a girlfriend. im sure you can guess where this is going #she cheated on her gf with me. i felt guilty and made her tell her gf. months later but better late than never i guess #her gf made her choose between us. understandable. she chose her gf. understandable #so i got a call one night from her. where she said we could never speak again. we couldnt be in each others lives. and i deserved that #it still killed me though. it still kills me. i havent recovered #but this past summer she sent a package to our mutual friend. for me #just something from the camp we both work at. and there on the package was her phone number and address #two years after she left me she volunteered at the camp i worked at and she used to woek at #we ended up talking. and being friends for that one last week. and she mentioned that she wanted to marry her gf #and move in with her. in the city. so when i saw her city address... yeah #i took a picture of her number and address before throwing away the package. something i remembered tonight #its just sitting in my camera roll. her number and address #and i could never call her. never send her a letter #idk what the point of this storytime was #but this is some half decent writing for 4am #i hope you enjoyed

[bootyful-seventeen]

i am too mentally exhausted to even deal with this shit anymore with my mom and grandma and low key wish i'd go comatose for a few years to be left alone tbh

#had a clean up service come by to see the damage and give a quote on the estimate and my grandma wasnt having it #she got upset and started crying to them about she has only 1 daughter and is trying to help her and they're trying to tell her that keepin #all that junk isn't gonna be helping anyone especially my mom but she wasn't getting it and i said i'm not helping clean the junk that's #all around the house cuz i'm tired of it all and having to manage my emotions since i am for sure emtotionally stunted from my childhood #and have to deal with a schitzophrenic mom and an absent sister who's balls deep in denial while i'm struggling to find a job here #and my grandma always stressing me ot saying she's gonna kick me out isn't fucking helping here at all like she thinks it does #so when they left she spent all day sobbing on the phone how i'm a terrible granddaughter who wants to throw out good stuff #when i'm not gonna keep helping sell shit for my mom cuz my sister can do it as her family contribution since she did nothing since dad die #and the thing is i gave them all options on clearing shit out cuz i know this family by now and shit doesn't get tossed but it migrates #cuz i said months ago i can ask some friends if they could come down and help sort and declutter #grandma said no to that and said she'll kick me out if i do it and she didn't want to pay for my mom's shit to get moved into a storage uni #she leaves the clean up to my mom and i think the backyard got worse but she didn't call anyone to throw out the junk like she threatened t #so i call a fucking hoarders clean up service cuz that's what my family is on my mom's side at this point and the city will be called too #and she has this reaction cries all day and calls everyone to say i'm horrible and yells at me saying i'm the one killing her with stress #when she's already been doing that for months to herself when i'm just tired and possibly mildly depressed or something idk #i barely leave my room and don't go outside except to walk my dog but idk cuz my family's attittude was we don't go to doctors cuz #cuz they're for crazy people but of course it's gotta switch up for my mom and no one else and i'm just sick of it all #grandma doesn't accept free help and she won't accept help that i pay for myself with my money set aside for school so i'm done #unlike her when i say i'll do something i stick to it so i'm not doing shit anymore unless i can call a friend to help with this mess #it's gonna sound like such a horrible thing but i can't wait for my family to die so i can live in a clean home again and get help #like deep serious help cleaning and big time grief councelling cuz i barely had time to process my dad's death and being the one to find hi #and that was just this february like god i am going to need so much fucking therapy in my future it's almost rediculous #and probably say screw my mom's side and visit my dad's side a lot more since they seem to be the normal ones in this shit family tree #at least they're not stupid and leave junk everywhere where one neighbour getting sick of not being able to sit outside and enjoy their yar #without mountains of junk staring them right in the face and landing a notice from the city to clean up especially since #we have chainlink fences and at least 7 neighbours can see the backyard and everyone can see the front porch when passing by #i'm just tired of living in these suffocating households and even wanna file a report myself to kick them into gear #its horrible living like this and no one should live surrounded by junk and things they never use or even garbage