#can she just replace wit/serve the same purpose as him in a relationship?

[streets-in-paradise]

The Fishnet Emergency - (platonical) Jonathan Byers x (Fem) Henderson! Reader

Word Count  2 K

Warnings: Not proofreading (sorry for any mistakes). This covers an episode referenced on “I’ll Wait”, an Eddie x Henderson! Reader oneshot i posted some time ago. There it was briefly described, here I am showing it. 

Relationships mentioned: Implications of Eddie Munson x Henderson! Reader (reader has a crush on him), Jonathan x Nancy. 

Summary: Your best friend is accompanying you to a Corroded Coffin show and finds himself contextually forced to help you out through a dressing fail. 

Tags: @losersclubisms​ 

“ Excited to see your boyfriend?” Jonathan teased you as part of your conversation on the trip to the show . “ Try to be less obvious this time.” 

It was well intentioned, he wanted to mess around because it was the very first time since you met that he was witnessing your crush on someone. The guy in question was a guitar player in the band you were about to see, a new friend from school and an absolute mess that you were drooling over. 

“ Eddie is not my boyfriend, that is exactly the point.”  Was your immediate comeback. “ I am a friend, his friend and friend of the group who is there to support them. I am going for them and you are going for me because this is a chain of supportiveness and that is what friendships are about, right?” 

You said so many times the word friend that it was obvious you were trying to convince yourself. 

“ Just chill. Even if he wants that cheerleader, so what? Eddie Munson has as many chances of being with Chrissy Cunnigham as ….” 

“ ‘ as I have with Nancy Wheeler’. That’s the outdated answer you are trying to replace because you ran out of excuses to cheer me.” You cut him off in a mock. “ Let’s finish the sentence with a ‘ as you have with the guitarist of Van Halen’, which is actually impossible unlike your case.” 

The interruption got a few chuckles out of him, but it also led him into an excellent point he hasn't discussed with you on the topic. 

“ Have you never stopped to think that maybe that’s how he sees her? You know, a fantasy. Not everyone projects on celebrities like you do. Some people that we see everyday can feel almost as unreachable and serve the same purpose.” 

It never occured to you, but you didn’t see the importance of distinguishing it. One way or another, he liked her and there was no space to speculate on how you could be part of the equation. 

“ What’s the difference? It doesn’t really matter how, the fact is there.” 

Jonathan tried to make the explanation as practical as possible to make you see what you were not getting. 

“ Let’s name the Eddies so this will not get confusing: Van Halen is Eddie 1 and Munson is Eddie 2. “ 

“ Like the Things of Doctor Seuss?” 

“ Yeah, like that. “ He agreed to continue. “ Now imagine a fictional situation where both are into you and you have to pick one of them. I’m not even going to ask you because I know you will pick Eddie 2, he is the real deal. The one you know, who you trust and share stuff with. Eddie 1 is an image on your wall, a video on your TV screen and you like him as that. With him you don't want it to be real and you don’t need it to be real.” 

“ Of course not, that would be erotomania.” 

He would have answered the same way, that was definitely his influence. 

“ For as much as you drool whenever MTV airs the video of Panama, Eddie 2 is still your Eddie and the way in which your face transforms when you see him play is something I have never seen before.” 

“ With all of this you mean that Chrissy may be my Eddie’s version of Eddie and, if i am lucky, I still have chances of becoming his version of him?” 

The tongue twister conclusion seemed to be indicating that you understood the central points of his idea. 

“ That makes no sense.” You insisted on yours. “ She is not in a poster, she is a real girl who passes by us everyday and he could be talking to. She is right there being a divine beauty and freaking adorable, putting every mortal girl to shame while we really can’t blame her because she seems like a sweetheart. She is like Arwen, I simply can’t compete with her and I don’t want to hate her because there is nothing to hate. What I should be doing is having the guts Eowyn had to face Aragorn was not for her.” 

“ Let go of that Jolene bullshit. We are going to a shithole to see the band of the dude who sells me drugs. How can you lose your mind claiming that you are not good enough for him?” 

From the way in which he was presenting it, that did sound a bit exaggerated, but it was perhaps because Jonathan wasn’t spending as much time with Eddie as you. He didn’t find him as awesome as you did, to him he was just some dude. 

“ I guess it is my subconscious being unable to let go of how I was rejected by the chezz club as a kid. “ You joked in return. “ I could have been a chezz state champion, but I abandoned some time before the championships because I found out the boys had a D&D party outside of that and they never invited me.” 

“ Then you tried to form your own group in revenge, but only one girl joined and that wasn’t enough to start a campaign. You thought you had made a friend, but she moved for the next school year and you were alone again.” 

He remembered every single detail of the anecdote, knowing it so well that he wouldn’t let you finish it. 

“ I love you, Johnny. I don’t know what I would do without you. I love to know that, even if things go wrong and Hellfire turns out to be like the chezz club, we will still have each other.” 

He was focused on driving, but you could still see his smile. 

“ Always, you know I love you too. I want you to remember that it will not be your fault if it turns out that there are no real chances beyond friendship with Eddie. This is not about being worthy or unworthy of him. Besides, we are all weirdos. He is called a freak, I am a freak and so are you. Yeah, you are not some preppy cheerleader but we know that is not the end of the world. You are still a cute freak girl and some other freak will notice.” 

“ That’s the kind of comforting advice I give to Dustin. Please, don’t make me sound like a hypocrite. “ 

“ Or maybe a normal dude. Have you thought about it?” Jonathan added, still caught onto his speech. '' Some chill normal that casually enjoys Stephen King books and would get to hear your exhaustive analysis on dates. He is so normal that haunted house horror is his favorite genre and he found The Shining absolutely revolutionary. He doesn’t even get why King complains about Kubrick’s adaptation.” 

“ Don’t be an asshole, haunted house is Steve’s favorite! He doesn’t like gore and enjoys stories centered on families. Not everyone has to be into the blood splatter.” 

“ We have the same Evil Dead poster, we are on it together.” 

“ I’m just saying that the haunted house genre has its charm. “ You defended yourself. “ Remember that draft for a story I abandoned because I felt there was nothing interesting besides the subversive undertones at the end I wanted for it? I told the concept to Steve and he said he would watch a movie based on it.” 

Jonathan was surprised to hear that you were talking about that with Steve. He knew that you were spending a lot of time with him because he became a friend of Dustin, but didn’t imagine he would stand the writer's info dumping. 

“ Are you doing market research before passing by your editor? Unless you forgot it, that’s me.“ 

" I will hand you the manuscript as soon as I decide on a direction for the idea. I don't know yet what I am going to do, but Steve liked it and that makes me want to do something with it."  

In the relaxed spirit of the conversation, he delivered some more well intentioned teasing. 

" What does Eddie say about that? "

The mere mention of that made you throw a skeptical chuckle.

" Please, as if he could actually be jealous of me. ME, of all girls. At best, I can see myself as á 'one of the boys' kind of friend." 

" Is that why you are going to freeze to death wearing that super short skirt? Do you want to perform metalhead femininity so your friend /crush will notice you are a girl?" 

That was exactly what you wanted to do, or at least a complicated explanation of your plan. At the needed time, as always, you asked him to pull over halfway so you could change clothes alone in the car. 

Neither his mother or yours had to know where you were going, so you couldn't allow yourself to be seen by any of them wearing your outfits for the shows. Each and every single time you were contextually forced to change clothes on the way. The look you picked for that gig had you particularly excited because it was slightly more riskfull than your usual. You were a bit too desperate for some of Eddie's attention, what you would be trying to get wearing your shortest jean skirt and fishnets. 

Wondering if he would notice the change was your main motivation and the escenarios going on in your mind were a great impulse as you were changing. Your playful imagination was inventing an ideal reaction: Eddie looking at you and feeling surprised, impressed, maybe interested. That last point was exactly what you craved the most to think about, you were imagining how amazing it would be if he would want you as more than a friend. You two would be crossing glances the whole show, a sneak out to some small corner of the place where you could be alone after the end. Him confessing in whispers exactly what you wanted to hear leading to a heavy makeout session where you would feel his hands touching you everywhere... maybe even underneath your skirt. 

That kind of distraction was the recipe for an accident. Not only were you changing on a rush, your mind was somewhere else. You had no idea of how your thoughts could escalate that fast, but the result was your fishnets getting stuck. Cursing yourself in the process, you tried to fix the situation on your own. It didn't work, you barely got them to pass halfway to your thighs. 

There was no other way, you were going to need more hands on the matter. 

" JONATHAN!! " You called for your friend waiting outside. " I need some back up!" 

He didn't know what you meant, but didn't like the sound of it. 

" How are things going?" 

Your answer was slightly delayed by your shame making you hesitate. 

" It's the fishnets, crap doesn't move and I can't make it move." 

He also hesitated before replying. 

" Can't you figure that out yourself?" 

It caused more frustration in you regarding the situation. 

" IT'S STUCK! PLEASE, JOHNNY. I NEED YOU IN THIS!!!"

A very awkward request, but it sounded desperate enough to make him see you were serious. That only made him get more nervous. 

" WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK I AM?? MOTLEY CRUE, DR FRANK N FURTER ?? I DON'T KNOW HOW TO FIX THAT SHIT??" 

" DON'T YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND??" 

The evocation didn't work at all to convince him.

" NANCY DOESN'T WEAR FISHNETS!" 

That wouldn't make you stop either. 

" JUST COME IN!!!!" 

Seeing no other option, he got inside the car to find you spreaded in the backseat and providing a very embarrassing visual. 

His expression of discomfort was impossible to dissimulate, it was such an awkward situation for everyone involved. 

" Ok, I am here. What should I do next?" 

There was no simple way to explain it. 

" Help me pull, but do it gently or you will rip the thing apart. " 

" Can you make it sound LESS awkward, please?" 

You were too ashamed to think words carefully. 

" Teamwork requires sacrifices, now pick a side and start pulling. " 

You allowed him the needed space to reach you and the embarrassment grew. Johnatan was very hesitant to touch you when he comprobed that there was no innocent extreme for him to grab the fishnets without getting in contact with some awkward spot of your body. 

In your front it was your inner thighs, while in the back it would be pulling until reaching your ass. 

" I'm going to cut this hideous thing with a scissor and your legs will go bare. " 

" YOU DON'T!" Was your extremist complaining " We have faced shit worse than this and we did it together. GRAB AND PULL!" 

" I CAN'T!!!" He kept yelling, completely freaking out. " THERE IS NOWHERE I CAN PICK WITHOUT TOUCHING." 

" JUST DO IT!!!"

One of the most uncomfortable moments you have lived together across all the history of your friendship took place exactly then. As he helped you out in between a concert of curses, mutual yelling and weird encouraging speeches you two got convinced that fighting interdimensional creatures was somehow less challenging than going through that. 

" ALMOST THERE, DON'T YOU DARE TO GIVE UP NOW." You were saying to him once you began to notice some considerable movement. 

At the same time you thought you made it you were almost sure of hearing a subtle cracking sound that was very bad news. 

" IT WILL LOOK BETTER THAT WAY, I PROMISE." Johnatan tried to stop you from panicking within his own panic. " DON'T THINK ABOUT THAT, WE ARE GONNA MAKE IT. DID YOU HEAR ME? THIS FUCKING RIPPED CRAP AIN'T GONNA STOP YOU. " 

" HOW MUCH IS IT?" You asked, still managing to panic. " HOW MUCH DAMAGE, JONATHAN??" 

" Try not to bend down, the hole is at the edge of your ass"

" FUCK!" You cried out in frustration. " One goddamn time I'm putting in more effort and shit has to get screwed anyways." 

You put on the skirt with some feelings of defeat ruining your mood. 

" Thank you, I'm very sorry for this mess and for how batshit crazy this whole situation has me. " You apologized to your friend. " I want to feel pretty because that feeds a bit into the illusion, you know? It's my dumb brain thinking that if i look different Eddie could get to look at me a bit different. " 

The sincere confession made Johnnatan toss aside some of the awkwardness. 

" It's alright, we all do dumb shit when we like someone. " He attempted to comfort you. " Seriously, don't bend down or it will get worse. It may sound like a good idea to get quick attention, but it is not going to come from him first. Your new goal tonight is keeping this crap in place at least until the last song." 

You tried to seem optimistic, at least as a way to show gratitude to Jonathan for his help. 

" Alright, that is going to give me something to keep myself occupied. It must help with the nerves at least. "

The outcome didn't end up turning as terrible as you feared. You had fun anyways, despite the reminder of the quite wild fantasy you unexpectedly came up with at the time of your harmless accident made you feel too wrong to keep eye contact with Eddie for too long. 

Of course, you could have never possibly guessed that he actually came up with wilder ones just by looking at you. Dissimulating how into you he was got exponentially harder and he was so afraid of being discovered by the friend you brought once more with you. 

#stranger things #stranger things oneshot #jonathan byers #jonathan byers x reader #(platonical) jonathan x reader #eddie munson x reader #henderson! reader #charlie heaton #joseph quinn

[moiraineswife]

I am quite literally BEGGING y'all to stop just copy and pasting any other worldhopper with tits over Wit in regards to Jasnah’s relationships. We get it. Her being ace isn't ~enough~ for y'all and you want her to be gay as well. For the love of fuck stop implying the only reason Wit/Jasnah was explored in RoW is because he's cosmere aware. If that was the case she'd just have jumped Zahel years ago.

#taryn is ANGY #taryn is DONE #taryn is begging u all to FIND A SCRAP OF NUANCE #do i like vivenna/jasnah? #actually yes i do #can she just replace wit/serve the same purpose as him in a relationship? #No #does implying so utterly devalue the nuance and purpose of BOTH ships? #yes #how many times will i yell about this? #AS LONG AS IT'S FUCKING NECESSARY PEOPLE #Text post tag #jasnah kholin #witsnah #i remain salty forever and ever and always

[absolutelyinvinciblebritishgent]

What if the Sound Trio survived and became Leaf ninjas?

Headcanons under the cut (bitch, it’s a lot of headcanons)

~ Chunin Exam Finals/Invasion~

Dosu was shown to be suspicious of Orochimaru because of the whole Sasuke/curse mark thing and seemed like he wasn’t wanting to be a part of Orochimaru’s shit anymore so he’s the one who realizes something is up

Rather than face Gaara he somehow finds out about sand’s allegiance with sound (overhearing Baki and Kabuto on the way to Gaara, eavesdropping on Orochimaru [because, again, sus], etc...) and that’s what pushes him to defect from sound (also how he manages to live)

Dosu, Zaku, and Kin aren’t necessarily close, but in the anime Dosu did sort of say he was gonna get revenge on behalf of Zaku for what happened to his arms so there is a sense of something there (whether it be friendship, camaraderie, or just wanting to stick together to survive... idk) and Dosu tells his teammates what’s up and convinces them that they gotta GTFO

Zaku is a little more difficult to convince because why would Orochimaru do that to him? He saved Zaku from being a street rat, he gave Zaku power

Dosu ain’t having it and is like “if you wish to stay behind then that is your decision, in the end it is better for us to not have to carry any dead weight” (obviously referring to Zaku’s inability to do anything because of his arms)

Dosu then proceeds to tell Zaku how he no longer serves a purpose without his arms and he was nice enough to still want to take Zaku with him, Orochimaru would not be so kind

Zaku is upset because he knows Dosu has a point and they all leave

They (read: Dosu) decide that their best chance of survival is staying in Konoha because, the minute they leave, the sound village/Orochimaru will be gunning for their asses and also they’d be missing-nin, so others would try to kill them too

But what can they do to assure they don’t get imprisoned or killed due to having worked under Orochimaru? Rat out the sound village and give all the information they know/found out about the invasion and sand’s involvement

Third Hokage is a cool dude and also was Orochimaru’s teacher so he knows the kind of power this bitch can have over people which is why he agrees to let the sound trio stay and have them watched by Anbu

Dosu does not participate in the chunin exam finals because witness protection, or something

The invasion still happens because Orochimaru ain’t stupid. His “pawns” are nowhere to be found so it’s likely they’re betraying him, so obviously he makes changes to the plan

Dosu, Kin, and Zaku do not participate in fighting off the invasion because, uh, super strict house arrest orders???

Third Hokage dies and this FREAKS the trio out because a) oh shit Orochimaru actually did it and b) we’re only allowed to be here because of him, so what’s going to happen to us

Council is deciding what to do with them and has them staying hidden/as they were, but what’s more important to them is finding Tsunade and having her take over as Hokage so the trio are just anxiously chilling

Tsunade is Hokage now and she decides to let them stay because they turned their backs on Orochimaru and also she trusts Sarutobi’s judgment on letting them stay initially, but they are still going to be watched by Anbu to be sure

Naruto and co. find out about the trio and they are PISSED because “not only did you try to kill Sasuke, not only are you from the village that attacked us, not only did you work for Orochimaru but you did nothing to defend Konoha during the invasion. If you want to be a part of this village then you should have helped”

Tsunade tells these bitches to simmer down. They were under Anbu house arrest. She’s Hokage and they need to respect her decision. Also Zaku, let’s fix your arms.

~Sasuke Retrieval Arc~

Everyone is immediately on the trio’s ass because “we knew you couldn’t be trusted”

Tsunade has to tell everyone to stfu again

The trio want to go (to prove themselves) and feel they can be of assistance but Tsunade is like Catherine of Aragon because she says there’s no no no no NO WAY. It’s already a dangerous mission, it might be more so for them because Orochimaru is probably after their heads for betraying him and knows all of their skills

Everything about the arc is the same until the point where Shikamaru, Kiba, and Lee need help. Instead of the Sand Siblings being the ones to arrive it’s the sound trio

Zaku saves Kiba... mainly because I imagine them being friends once the trio are accepted and I just want this to be the beginning of their friendship. How he saves him idk because I’m not creative when it comes to fights

Kin saves Shikamaru. Again idk how. Zaku’s slicing sounds waves make more sense here because they work similar to Temari’s fan but I want it to be Kin because kunoichi vs. kunoichi, genjutsu vs. genjutsu, and also the idea of Kin saving the guy who beat her in such an embarrassing way does something to me, but also is a sort of redemption? I just want this battle to show off how skilled Kin can be because she was very underutilized and kinda weak in the original story and I love her so much, she deserves to do cool shit. So let her outsmart Tayuya and, in a way, she is outsmarting Shikamaru because he had no more plans to fall back on

Dosu saves Lee. Again, idk how and, again, I think Zaku’s slicing sound waves would be better here because they can keep Kimimaro (a close range fighter) at bay but I guess seeing Dosu and Kimimaro throwing hands would be cool. And then you have that redemption moment with Lee because Dosu kicked his ass in the forest of death and now he’s saving Lee!

After the mission, despite its failure, the trio are accepted as leaf shinobi and are introduced to their new sensei: cue Anko crashing through the window with a big sign introducing herself again

Similarly to the moment when Naruto spoke out and Anko threw a kunai at him, Zaku gives a snide comment and Anko is immediately at his throat, and then she’s like “JK! But don’t say that again you little shit!”

Anko was chosen to lead the trio due to her past with Orochimaru and because of that she can better understand them

~Other Headcanons~

It took the Konoha 12 a while to accept the trio. The first ones to accept them were Kiba, Lee, and Shikamaru (duh) but also Choji and even Naruto. Choji became cool with them when he found out Shikamaru was cool with them because he trusts Shikamaru’s judgment, and despite originally trying to kill his teammate, Naruto accepts them because they came out and helped so that means they’re a-okay in his book. Neji was slightly taken aback but also accepted them pretty quickly. Basically, the retrieval team was like “yeah okay” and vouch for them.

The ones who took the longest to come around were Ino and Sakura because did y’all just forget what happened at the forest of death???

As I said, I imagine Kiba and Zaku being friends. Mainly because I feel they have similar personalities in the sense that they’re both pretty cocky, boisterous, and talk shit. I imagine them kinda being like rivals in the sense of they’re always trying to one up each other

Zaku is still not fond of Shino because of the whole bugs in arms thing so whenever Shino is around Zaku is just like “I hate your teammate” to Kiba

Kin/Shikamaru could potentially replace the Temari/Shikamaru relationship. Both Kin and Temari are very similar in the sense of being an ex-villain, being viewed as scarier/more intense compared to the Konoha girls, being older by a couple years, and they both lost (well, Temari technically won but we all know she lost) to Shikamaru. Because of this the Kin/Shikamaru relationship wouldn’t be all that different to how the Temari/Shikamaru relationship is shown

That being said I love the sand siblings and don’t want them gone and because of how similar I feel Kin and Temari are they become really good friends and Kin enjoys when Temari visits. They both make Shikamaru’s life hell though. Double Trouble™️

Also I said potentially because I like exploring the idea of Kin/Zaku or Kin/Dosu (:

Dosu and Shino actually get along really well (much to the dismay of Zaku). They’re the type of people where they can sit in silence with each other and it’s just chill. And when they have to work together they kinda have flawless teamwork and don’t even need to speak to know what the other plans on doing

Kin and Sakura actually get along now? They’re not best friends by any means but they can be civil and respect each other

Team Kurenai and Team Sand are the teams that the trio get along with the best/most easily tho

Kin cut her hair to her lower back. Cue everyone cracking jokes about Neji and Kin looking the same from behind. Kin stops tying her hair after that

The trio have really well trained ears because back in Otogakure they had to learn to pick up on the subtlest of sounds in order to spy on enemies and communicate at such a low volume that to any normal ear sounds like silence but to them the message is loud and clear

Because of this they’re all amazing singers (Dosu is the best tho because he has the best trained ear. Seriously, being able to tell what someone is writing based on the sounds of their pencil? Skills.) and everyone likes hearing them sing.

That being said, despite being from the land of sound they didn’t actually know any songs because the sound village doesn’t really do music. It was forbidden because no one is allowed joy in the land of sound. Jk. But it did have to do with depriving people of normalcy because Orochimaru was creating an army of followers

This little singing/music tidbit was discovered by Naruto and he took it upon himself to show the trio music. It wasn’t all good music, but it’s music!

Also, despite being the best singer, Dosu doesn’t really do it. Dude doesn’t even hum. He’ll only sing if Kin and Zaku start pestering or if Anko wants him to

The first (and only) time Kin and Zaku saw Dosu cry was shortly after they became leaf shinobi. Anko and Tsunade were telling the team how brave it was for them to leave Orochimaru and sound behind, and Anko especially complimented Dosu on taking him and his team out of that situation. Kin and Zaku had been trying to hold back tears and keep up their tough image but the minute they saw Dosu crying, not trying to wipe away his tears or hide them or anything they lost it

No one talks about their little crying session. It’s a secret

Despite getting his arms fixed by Tsunade, Zaku still has problems with them, especially his right one (I think that’s the one that got blown off) and needs to get them treated consistently. Partly due to the fact they he didn’t give himself all the time to heal after Tsunade fixed him because he went to help the retrieval team and, mainly, because of Orochimaru’s experiments. Like, essentially Zaku’s air tube surgery was actually kind of botched and, for lack of a better term, experimental, and is fucking with the nerves and muscles and chakra in his arms and kinda eating away at them. And the crazy damage he took from getting his arms blown off only fucked everything up more

Eventually Zaku gets a better version of his air tube in his left arm and has to completely replace the right arm with a cool prosthetic that lets him do stronger/cooler jutsus

Kin has combined singing with her genjutsu and has created a sort of mind control jutsu... I may or may not have gotten this idea while listening to Come Little Children and remembering that Sarah Sanderson would control kids with song

The trio think Sasuke is a fUCKING DUMBASS for willingly going with Orochimaru. Like, bitch we had to leave that no good asshole for the betterment of our lives and you just waltz out of Konoha and straight into his arms?! What is you doing Uchiha?!

#naruto #zaku abumi #dosu kinuta #kin tsuchi #anko mitarashi #team dosu #team sound #sound trio #otogakure #konoha #konoha 12 #naruto uzumaki #kiba inuzuka #shikamaru nara #fan art #my art #headcanons #so many headcanons #too many headcanons

[callioope]

HEY GUYS! I watched the livestream of Rogue One with writers Gary Whitta and Chris Weitz. I took notes. Because that’s what I DO. I jotted down some of my takeaways. Please note I was watching RO, watching the stream, taking notes, and also doing a few other things so these MAY NOT BE PERFECT. Please feel free to correct me if you see something I misrepresented. That said I tried to be accurate. 

YES they DO TALK ABOUT the romantic chemistry between Jyn & Cassian but that is literally at the end, but feel free to peruse the rest of the points because there’s some pretty interesting insights (some good and some bad O_O like Cassian’s original storyline, yuck)

ANYWAYS let’s go

Inglourious Bastards inspired the Lah’mu scene (Gary Whitta wrote this scene, although he admitted it changed a lot but a lot of the structure and ideas stayed in)

In the original version of the script, Lyra was a Jedi in hiding, but this was one of the first things that got killed

Mads thinks he plays a bad guy, but Gary thinks he played a good guy

They talked about how Galen originally wanted to use kyber crystals for energy, but it got weaponized (which is talked about Catalyst)

stormtrooper doll is a gareth edwards touch

idea was that there’d be good people on the Imperial side and bad people on the rebel side

Cassian’s first scene on the Rings of Kafrene was written by Tony Gilroy (who wasn’t present in the stream) later. In the earlier versions, the DS is something that Jyn goes and finds. It was much more like Zero Dark Thirty where she was putting together the clues, and it was a battle for Jyn to get the rebels to take it seriously, but that was too much of a slow burn. So the Tivik scene was to replace that and introduce the idea that Cassian can be dark. Everyone admired Diego’s beautiful bit of acting as he's just lost a little bit of his soul in the fight for justice, the morality is the first victim. It’s very subtle but it’s one of Gary’s fave pieces of acting in the movie

Chris said for awhile they had Ord Mandell, then shifted to the notion of something more like in Casablanca, so a bit of a flavor of that, a part of the Empire that has been taken over that is under violent oversight

Gary said in the original, Jyn went to Ord Mantell (mentioned in Empire?) to find an arms dealer to help her find Saw, then went to another planet where Saw was living on a moon called Yarid

Budget realities played a part in the decision making to scale this back; they wanted to put so much more but just couldn’t fit it in

Originally we were supposed to see the rebels evacuate Dantooine and move to Yavin 4, but it didn’t really accomplish anything in the story accept to nod to SW fans. It didn’t move the story forward and would have cost too much

It was Tony Gilroy writing with Jyn getting freed on Wobani. Some original ideas had toyed with possibilities that she was a deserter or Rey-like scavenger, but obviously you can’t do that once you learn what the the Empire does (chris)

Only time they didn’t use a title card was Mustafar bc they wanted fans to go OH SHIT IT'S MUSTAFAR, also worked bc Mustafar would have been one of those off-the-map planets

Gary was responsible for getting Mothma in the movie

How much did the Yavin 4 briefing get worked on? A lot. sort of inspired by a scene from Apocalypse Now.

“I think this movie really beautifully bridges the gap between the original and prequel” and one of the ways it does that is JIMMY SMITS

Lots of gushing over Yavin. “Gareth just shot the shit out of this movie.” so much praise for Gareth’s vision. “Gareth can compose a shot unlike anyone I know.”

The Yavin 4 set was fully contiguous; you could walk from the inside all the way outside in one continuous shot.

K-2SO is a great example of how one character can have many fathers. John Knoll originally came up with him and he was originally a rebel logistics droid envisioned to be a “black C-3PO” (whatever that was supposed to mean - Gary wasn’t sure). Gary proposed that he could be an Imperial droid that was captured by the rebellion and reprogrammed. K-2 was really limited with what he could do working for the Empire, but once he was liberated, he was going to speak his mind. Chris and Tony and Alan all gave him more life, everyone has a little piece of K-2′s parentage.

Only ever one casting choice for Saw, which was Forest Whitaker. Gary also knew Ben Mendelsohn would be cast as krennic, but no one else was cast at that point -- he knew it was down to 3 choices for Jyn, but wouldn’t say who

Chris brought Bodhi into the story (Gary said so but Chris wasn’t sure)

For Tarkin, they took shots from the ANH and unused takes. There was also a mold of Peter Cushing that had been sitting in a prop shop for decades (I didn’t get what movie it was, something where he needed a large prosthetic eye or something), and they scanned that.

Binoculars that Jyn and Cassian look through on Jedha were inspired from the scene in ANH (like when luke looks through them on Tatooine)

Chris was responsible for Jedha, Temple of the Whills, and Chirrut’s connection to the Force. And Bor Gullet, I think. They said Bor Gullet delights in traumatic memories (more delicious to him). There was a cut idea/scene: Bor Gullet made Jyn trade her traumatic memories for information she wanted.

They talked about the two dudes Jyn runs into that are also in ANH and how they survived the destruction of jedha only to get killed by a Jedi the next day - they must have needed to get a drink at a cantina after narrowly leaving Jedha. Puts their presence at the cantina in a new light.

Screenwriters would tell you this [Jyn saving the girl on Jedha] is a classic “save the cat moment” so that we like that character that otherwise we might not -- like jyn [RUDE, but I think they were joking]  [also i took beginner screenwriting in college and YES the “save the cat moment” was like lesson 1 lol

They wanted this war to look like a proper war, and [Jedha] really looks like something you might see happen. Wanted people to feel like it wasn’t just about stormtroopers hassling the guy on the street corner but there were real lives at stake

Commentary on Jyn’s Awesome Fight Scene: this is the first moment Cassian really realizes that Jyn is no one to be messed with 

They guessed that Tony came up with the K-2 gag after Jyn’s fight sequence

Lots of good commentary here about how action scenes need to serve a purpose, they can’t just be fighting: they gotta reveal character and story -- don’t write the specifics of the fight, but write what the action is supposed to mean, let choreographers make it look good

Chris said Gareth kind of requested a character like Chirrut, and Chris had been messing around with a Force priest and they became the same guy. Baze was originally a murderer and criminal, and Chirrut was his confessor figure, and they had a weird codependent relationship in which Malbus would commit crimes and Chirrut would forgive him for it. But in this they are both Guardians of Whills. Baze saving Chirrut reminds Gary of Indiana Jones shooting the guy with the sword. Good example of action sequence having a purpose: showing Chirrut & Baze’s dynamic

Coming up with names in SW -- no real formula, you just know it when you hear it

Lots of freedom to come up with new stuff as long as it doesn’t grossly violate canon. Two Tubes was Tony Gilroy or maybe someone just before him

Allegedly Bib Fortuna’s cousin is in scene at catacombs

Someone wanted a Tusken Raider to leave Tatooine to be one of the rebels, but that was vetoed bc they don’t leave Tatooine

“you don’t want every star wars movie to feel like a remix of your greatest hits” - gary [me: LMAOOOO not everyone got that memo!!!]

Guardians of the Whills: Chris said when he came on board, he wanted to go into some deep George Lucas stuff so he looked at the OG screenplay of SW which is pretty “cuckoo bananas” but it’s unfilmable because it’s so gigantic. but there were so many cool things in it. Originally the Force was known as “The Force of Others" by Lucas so he had Chirrut often referring to it as such

There had to be physical tapes because that’s what was mentioned in ANH. Similarly, Tarkin said it was the first time they destroyed a planet in ANH, so they had to do a smaller test that didn’t conflict with canon but we still get to see the DS do it’s thing

Gary said he got sick of everyone on the internet saying “If the empire’s so smart how come--” so he wanted to make it happen for a reason

Chris said - John Knoll, who apparently has some kind of engineering background, said a project the size of the DS, there’d be hundreds of flaws that would bring down the station. Gary responded - it makes sense that there would be a flaw, but it’s more interesting if the flaw would be there deliberately

They went back to the idea that SW was a fairytale and “only one key that the lock fits in in a fairy tale”

They talked a bit about the “nerdy stuff” and technical details, like how fast does a Star Destroyer go, how fast is travel through hyperspace,” but they were pretty insistent that Star Destroyers go at the speed of narrative. Hyperspace moves at the speed of plot. They don’t think about the gritty details. Story always wins. You try to hide those bits. If tech stuff comes into conflict with story, the story has to win. If you can make it work great, but story should win otherwise. [MY TAKE: I think it’s lazy and you might as well try to make it work if you can, BUT I agree that it shouldn’t necessarily hang up the process, per se.]

They talked about Jyn & Co witnessing the test on Jedha and how it’s important that Jyn & Co witnessed the terrifying destructive power of this weapon, so they know better than anyone how important it is to stop this thing

They said Saw always died in the weapon test. Originally it was on a different moon, but always planned for him to die like that.

Gary mentioned in ANH, there’s more than one empty chair in the DS conference room, but Gary wished there had been only one chair so it could have been Krennic’s specifically and he wasn’t in it.

The idea was that Mothma and other Generals were desperately trying to avoid a war and trying to find a political solution to this crisis, but Palpatine is stringing them along long enough for the DS to be ready. So the Rebels have been strung along and played for fools by Palpatine, but once we realize the Empire has built a genocide weapon, the Rebels finally wake up to the idea that the only solution now is war. Empire has forced our hand. the movie is about the idea that tyrannical regimes always fall bc they go too far and they do something so terrible that people are forced to stand up and fight back. If the empire had never built the DS, Gary thinks they could have won the war and ground the Rebellion down. but bc they got greedy they forced the entire galaxy to take the war seriously, so the DS was really the Empire’s undoing

The Rebellion was like the equivalent of the Second Continental Congress, with squabbling factions and not able to get anything done, and the Empire was able to win in the beginning bc they are authoritarian, unified top down

Gary came up with Eadu, but it was originally in the first act. The whole movie got restructured. Originally they went to Eadu very early and discovered they were building the giant dish for the DS. That was the first scene that Jyn had the clue that the Empire was building something terrible. Later it became less a place where the dish was built and more just where they were harvesting and refining the kyber crystals.

It was originally Saw’s X-Wings that attacked Eadu

“rain = mood” idk who said it but that line popped

originally there were local people called Eadui who told story how facility had poisoned rivers and valleys and farmland. Gary wanted to put a face on the crimes the Empire had committed

Mads doesn’t believe that what Galen did absolves him

In Gary’s version, Krennic came to inspect final version of the dish

Cassian was always meant to be compromised in both Gary and Chris’s versions. He was a double agent: for a long time, he was working for the Empire. Chris added: he had lost people who had been killed by Saw Gerrera, and all he wanted from the Empire was the go ahead to kill Saw rather than Galen. That transmogrified along the lines post-Chris and post-Gary into a rebel intelligence officer who had done terrible things. In the original idea, he changes heart after seeing the Death Star bc it wasn’t what he signed up for, and he had to win back Jyn’s heart bc that DS reveal happens after his double agent ness is revealed.

In the original, Jyn actually gets Galen back to the rebel base, but he’s beyond saving, but his whole speech he gives Jyn in his last moments happened in a medbay

They talked about the score instead of the awesome fight scene after Eadu so BOOO on that. I mean yes the score is brilliant but still I wanted insight into this scene.

I blanked out a little because I was mad they didn’t talk about the Eadu fight scene argh

They were talking about Krennic standing his ground against Vader. and then someone said it was probably something among the Imperial officers that “you haven’t really made it until you’ve been choked by Vader.” O_o sorry we could be talking about Jyn and Cassian DAMNIT

the debate scene on Yavin 4 was recontextualized. always this idea that the rebellion is not one monolithic entity, it’s a collection of worlds all of whom have own leaders and own opinions. rebellion historically messier because it’s democratic and harder to get things done. 

briefly toyed with a Leia appearance (chris) at the big conference scene, but best for Jyn to give the most rousing speech here. 

Who wrote the hanger speech? Spirit of it might be Chris’, but Chris thinks it’s Tony Gilroy. Big difference from version Gary wrote: Jyn convinced the rebels. But he thought it was cool now that Jyn goes rogue and it’s only when Mothma finds out she’s committed to that that she makes the decision to back her up. But in the original she convinced Mothma, and everyone got around the table and said here’s the plan. Chris thinks it was in one of his drafts that they went off on their own. 

in Gary’s version Jyn was Rogue Leader. 

Chris had grunts complaining all the flyboys create dramatic names for their squadrons but that got nixed

Gary had idea that K-2 had scraped off his markings but had to have them painted back on to go to Scarif and K-2 hated it

Mothma talking to Bail is one scene that survived word for word form Gary’s original script

They talked a little bit about the decision to have the characters die, but I was drafting a question and missed it

They talked about how they came up with Scarif and decided to make it tropical -- what sort of place hasn’t been seen before? sort of coming from production and gareth. but also building these places to fulfill the needs of the story -- like building a walkway that only one person can get across

a lot of extras in Scarif were real ex-military, and Gary said a couple of the X-Wing pilots were real-life RAF tornado pilots

didn’t have Blue Squadron in the ANH bc it interfered with the blue screen

Gareth said “give me a mon calamari that looks like churchill’ and that’s Raddus

Chris and Tony killed pretty much everybody. Sounds like Gary just killed K-2? Unclear bc I missed the main part of that when they were talkinga bout it.

They commented on how RO is one of the darkest tonally movies but also so colorful, beautiful blue sky

They wanted to pay tribute to Battle of Endor

they couldn’t remember who was responsible for ‘stardust’ but it wasn’t gary or chris

who’s idea was it to cut off the “I’ve got a bad idea about this”? gary had a different version of it, Jyn said “I've got a good feeling about this” (which ultimately got used in Solo) 

Someone asked about the footage in trailer that wasn’t in the movie: Chris heard on good authority that the TIE fighter in front of Jyn was actually never intended to be used, was always a trailer-specific moment. he said he didn’t know how she would have gotten out of that one. k-2 died on the beach. chris wasn’t sure but as the scenes get cut together in production and post, the narrative necessities can change bc of logistical needs. but some shots were so cool they were perfect for trailers. Some talk on how trailers and movies are very different things in general.

Gary said originally there were two separate facilities on Scarif: vault and comm tower were separated by stretch of beach. so needed to liberate plans from vault and get across beach to tower. as they looked at what they had, there were too many moving parts and they wanted to simplify, so they put vault and tower in same complex.

did they ever consider letting Chirrut pull the lever using the force? NOPE. 

“I am one with the Force and the Force is with me” was Chris. it goes on, it’s supposed to be like a psalm for Jedi, but eh wanted a sort of lord’s prayer type of thing. 

HELL YES someone asked about the romance between Cassian and Jyn! Was there any romantic potential in any script? YES!!! they said!! yes!!! And Chris said he wouldn’t be surprised if a kiss was shot either! 

BUT they went on to say they wanted to side-step the trope that every male and female hero have to be involved.

But clear GARY said yes early on, there was definitely romantic chemistry that got scaled back to a mutual respect, but they’ve obviously grown close. Gary doesn’t think there was anything romantic and they said people found that refreshing. ‘what they’ve been through is the meaningful part” and “‘the stuff that is happening around them is too important" and “it speaks to their character that they wouldn’t let that intrude”

someone said it was like they were walking into a sunset but it was a mushroom cloud and THEN someone QUIPPED that it was sorta like the sunset walking into them RUDE

There was more after that but that was pretty exhausting to keep up with!!!! so i’m wiped. anyone else get any fun takeaways that I missed?

#rogue one

[brokenxfragments]

Rosalia, the Rebirth

Icon Use: FFXIV model

Theme Song(s)

Legends Never Die - League of Legends (ft. Against The Current)

Sacred - Citizen Soldier

Verses:

Final Fantasy XIV

Basic Information

Age: N/A (ageless;god)

Gender: Female

Height: 5′9

Weight: 158 Ibs

Species: Deity

Orientation/Sexuality: Demiromantic/Pansexual

Relationship: Single(?) (ship verse dependent; not actively seeking)

Occupation: Leader, Advisor

Brief Personality: Quiet — Cautiously Warm — Honest

Brief Bio: While quite a knowledgeable & inquisitive woman due to her travels from world to world as well as simply being immortal, it takes some time for her to open up to most friends - though there are parts of her life she would rather not talk about. Though she is a deity, she has no want for it to be public knowledge, & will often choose to allow others to think she was an immortal, an auspice or even a spirit if they realized she was not human/mortal. It’s clear that she holds onto a deep, personal mingle of regret, sadness & guilt of something, though for why or what will not be said easily, as it is exceptionally painful for her to talk about it. She would rather put on a smile if she’s able to & help others rather than be helped, taking on as much work as she can to escape those thoughts even for a short amount of time. Anyone that would come across her either traveling or sheltering in a remote location well outside of any civilization would be greeted formally & at least civilly. Beware of actually threatening anyone that she is close to, however, for her calm demeanor is too brittle to keep back an explosive anger - she had lost too many loved ones & will not hesitate to protect the few she allowed herself to be close to.

Full Biography

     A goddess created for the specific purpose of the ‘rebirth’ aspect of the universe, Rosalia was brought into existence by a being that would be known as Lady Salri into the realm that was once Seraphine, the universe itself known as Eldria. She had been originally a very bright-eyed, naïve woman who would often observe those perceived as mortal after she had learned much from her mentor, Eva, who was the ‘essence’ aspect - things related to souls & states of consciousness including natural magic. She found them charming in their own way as well as admirable, accomplishing things in such a very short amount of time that they were given. These observations would lead her to start mingling among them after learning to change her appearance, to appear more like them, learning from them from first-hand experience rather than afar, though it would open her eyes to many sides of mortals - the varying shades of gray morals. 

     Like most beings, even of those immortal, there are instincts to seek companionship, whether for a mate or for mere friends, to which led her to one that was of the same realm as herself. Another of Lady Salri’s creations, the aspect for ‘extinction’ that would name himself Aridem, would have that tug on her, especially when they would often work closely with one another when they would bring a stagnant world through its cycle to begin anew. What was first amiable friendship developed to love as time went on for the both of them, a relationship that certainly brought chuckles at the irony that ‘rebirth’ & ‘extinction’ would come to be hand-in-hand beyond the fact that one cannot be without the other, which didn’t escape the couple’s notice either but were able to laugh about it.

     In time, they would become a family with two children — Ziva, their daughter & eldest child, & Malshano, their son. These two were born with greater capabilities because of their heritage, both welcomed additions to the realm. The daughter was capable of manipulation of more than one mere element, in fact was able to master many more, making her such a vital addition with Rosalia when time came to heal a world to be ready for new life. Malshano had something quite different, being able to ‘recycle’ organic materials of once-living creatures to create new lifeforms. This gave him a mentor with Amilla, who’s aspect was ‘atrophy’ - anything to do with organic matter, including the degradation of it, which made her opposing to those who would practice necromancy or similar magic to serve purposes that they wouldn’t do themselves.

     Time passed, the two grew to their full potential, & much seemed well with the realm, though down along the line when there were a great lull of action on their parts when there weren’t any worlds to help wipe clean, Aridem would seem to dive deeply into research that he wouldn’t share with her. It wasn’t that unusual, given that he often would take these interludes to do research of one thing or another, yet he was not usually so secretive with them. The only one that would be allowed to help him was Malshano, after much pestering on his part to be allowed to help at least his father in something worthwhile. Rosalia ultimately decided that perhaps this was the bonding the two really needed & would leave them to it — a decision that she would fully regret when it led to ultimate devastation when it came.

     It’s uncertain what precisely happened to the two when they went on a long-absent trip outside of Seraphine, but Aridem & Malshano returned completely warped & changed, announcing that the universe was beyond repair & was needed to be fully wiped clean so that they would all begin anew - the damage done onto the universe by the Elder Gods made Eldria beyond saving by his reasoning. Lady Salri was only applying bandages to a growing wound that was festering, in his words. And the first to pay the price of their announcement was Ziva, whom was struck down viciously by her own brother when she tried to reason with their father that this crusade was utterly mad. Gods were not easily killed, yet with the powers the two gained through the the force that was only known as the Void, not only was Ziva killed but was also made to become nothing but scattered atoms that even then were consumed entirely. And Rosalia had been there to bear witness to her entire family being torn apart by this new madness.

     Because she had little experience in the pain of loss, Rosalia was not at all prepared for the kind of state she was put in even when Aridem & Malshano retreated before the force of Seraphine could reach them, falling into a extremely depressive state of being. The wide-eyed innocent aspect of ‘rebirth’ was replaced with a far more solemn woman that still desired to help others but with a heavy burden on her shoulders to help find a way to stop both her mate as well as her son from bringing their Great Cleanse to the entirety of their universe. Once it was found that killing them, while possible, would not be the end of their existence & only seemed to make the pair stronger with each revival along with their gathered allies, Rosalia was tasked to seek out more knowledge outside of their own. Whether to put the two down permanently or to seal them away for the rest of eternity, Rosalia sought to gather this information wherever she could. Secretly, she was relieved even though it riddled her with absolute guilt - she didn’t have to fight Aridem or Malshano at least on the front lines, though she was trying to bring an end to them. But with each encounter with either or both when they learned of her task, she would grow more resilient & even vengeful with the two that were once her closest family. This was how she’d learn to fight whereas she never had to before, especially when some of these encounters left her in a bad way. 

     The task led to years, many more years than she would ever count, & there were many more encounters with both her foes as well as new friends & allies. Because of the weight of her task, she never stayed much longer than necessary, chipping away at her mentality when she’d return just to find that those she knew had long since passed on or were killed through other means. There were very few brief relationships all through the years, though only one had brought a set of twins into existence - Tobias & Silvia, she would name them. The fear of what Malshano would do with them when he had been entirely unremorseful about killing his sister would ultimately make Rosalia choose to leave these new lives to their father Deimos, who was more than thrilled to have them even though the brief relationship between himself & Rosalia didn’t work out, yet thankfully they remained on good terms since that realization.

     There had been only one exception to the rule of not being close to others that came near the end of her hunt for such knowledge, a young hume girl with her by the name Hikaru that she’d virtually adopt her as her own daughter when other means to finding her a family proved impossible due to circumstances outside the girl’s control. The adoption would infuriate at least one Harbinger (as Aridem would call himself & his allies), though at this point in time Rosalia was able to keep the child well protected. She had a sense of duty as well as mingled happiness & guilt in wanting to keep the girl safe.

     Unfortunately though, the Harbingers were always at work with increasing their numbers as well as figuring out ways to spread the Void without being consumed by it. Rosalia was unable to find an answer to their dilemma, hitting nothing more than dead-ends or information that could not be used, by the time the war came to full flare once the Harbingers were ready. All the years she spent seeking this knowledge, & none proved useful - yet another heavy burden of knowledge she would carry even as she rejoined her realm to help hold back the inevitable. What she would do was to try to protect those that were closest to her. Thus, given the unusual circumstances, she would bring not only her adopted daughter that was nearly 17, but also the twins that she had borne, Tobias & Silvia, along with their father to the realm with her.

     During the final confrontation, when all but Seraphine & Infernam had fallen & been consumed, Rosalia had been separated from her fellow fragment gods from a devastating blow from an attack that destroyed one of the many floating islands. As she would come to & rush off to check on her island where she had left those that were not going to be part of the fight, she came to find that Malshano had found them all first. This was perhaps the moment that Rosalia had just wanted to stop living at all, even with fury & grief raging through her chest, as she stared down at the remains of those dearest. Letting the anger take over, she would only hunt savagely through the abominations that were of Malshano’s creations, looking for Aridem & Malshano in particular.

     But that rage also blinded her. Being too focused on her hunt, she was brought down from behind in flight & would lose half of her left wing by Malshano’s personal pet he kept with him at the time before he left with a cold sneer. While the pain shocked her, it did not overshadow the rest of what she felt, nor did it block out the screams all around her. When her gaze locked onto Aridem’s form as he was setting flame to Lady Salri’s form as she snarled from her position where she protected the sealing of the Elder Gods, Rosalia picked up her weapon & flung herself upwards at him, severing his right wing in passing before falling towards the encroaching Void while it was still consuming all in its path, Aridem falling with her. She had intended to sacrifice herself in at least bringing this MADNESS that was once her mate, yet her hand was caught & was brought to a painful halt in her fall by the very man that had dedicated his entire being to essentially erase their home from existence. She was beyond reasoning & was determined to bring him with her, yet there was a glimmer of something far more familiar in those once-vibrant orange eyes before Aridem launched her back upwards onto the island he was clinging to, before his hold slipped. Perhaps his final act as the real Aridem that was otherwise consumed by the Void.

     Lady Salri made the choice to save what few survivors remained by sending them well beyond Eldria through the Rift, to another world & universe, as her final act as their goddess, Rosalia being one of them though never knowing who else had been sent through except for Thornara that had been with her right at that moment. For weeks, months, perhaps even well over a year, during which she was recovering, the deity of rebirth was little more than a husk of a person except during points where rage took hold. She had no intention to live - she felt too broken & ached with so much hurt that it felt impossible to even breath. She had nothing. Yet, there was something that would eventually draw at least a small portion of the true Rosalia out, the day that Thornara figured out something that had to do with a pendant that was entrusted to the fragment of ‘rebirth’. The day that the unknown aspect of ‘creation’ was released from the pendant would become Rosalia’s new purpose — to at least protect Lady Salri’s final creation who just might have the key to at least shape her own home.

#._;ooc;_.the.echoes.beyond.(.mod.) #._;muse;_.the.essence.of.your.being.reincarnates.(.rosalia.)

[somedayonbroadway]

I think all the Newsie's AU's could be really entertaining but I would most like to know about the Leverage one and the Lilo & Stitch one.

Okay, so I had two people in a row ask for Lilo and Stitch while also requesting another outline, so I’ll be doing Lilo and Stitch very soon.

But… I LOVE this one.

So, for those of you who haven’t seen Leverage, you can watch it on Amazon Prime Video. It’s amazing and I adore it. My favorite character is Hardison. He’s everything. Nothing he says ever gets old. Hardison and Parker are literally so freaking cute that I just can’t. And I think I’ve already talked about how Spot Conlon is very similar to Eliot Spencer, at least the way I write him. So this’ll be fun.

So anyways…

Leverage AU

Characters

Jack Kelly — Nate Ford

Katherine Plumber — Sophie Devereau

Spot Conlon — Eliot Spencer

Racetrack Higgins — Parker

Albert DaSilva — Alec Hardison

Jack Kelly: The Mastermind

Jack is an alcoholic

He’s only twenty five when this story starts.

He used to work for an insurance company but after that same company let his baby brother die, refusing to pay for his treatment, Jack quit and has been a “functioning alcoholic” ever since.

Jack has anger issues that he refuses to acknowledge

Jack used to pride himself on being emotionally broken, but still never crossing over to the “dark side” of the law.

He’s the son of a numbers runner who was emotionally abusive

Was originally trying to become a catholic priest as he was strong in his faith but has since strayed a bit after losing Charlie, the only person in the world he truly loved

After meeting his team, Jack grows very protective of them, viewing them as a sort of family that he’d never really had, all except for Charlie.

Jack first meets the team when a man comes to him, begging him to keep an eye on a group of thieves as they execute a job he’s hired them for. After they are all double crossed by this man, narrowly escaping death, they come together to set things right and the team begs Jack to continue leading them as Jack shows them how good it feels to do the right thing, even if the right thing requires bending or breaking the rules.

Jack grew up extremely poor but is an excellent artist and chess player.

Jack likes to cook.

Jack loves to learn new things when he can’t drink to continue distracting himself.

Jack is the one to typically choose the clients his new team takes on.

Jack took Charlie in the second he turned eighteen, unable to trust his father who was a no good drunk.

Jack hates that he’s becoming just like his dad but refuses to stop.

Jack is more protective of Race than anyone else, as Race’s optimism and energy remind him of Charlie.

Jack serves as a mentor of sorts to Albert.

He is kept in check by Spot.

Jack is very quick witted, moving from one plan to the next as things change.

Jack gets his own father killed after a mission gone wrong.

Jack gets arrested protecting his team who he knows will go away for much longer than him for all the crimes they’ve committed.

Jack is the one who introduces the group to Katherine, the best grifter he’s ever seen, with whom he ends up falling for.

Katherine Plumber: The Grifter

Katherine is a struggling actress who can’t perform to save her life, though is the best grifter in the business.

Katherine is very careful of her identity, meaning that absolutely no one knows her real name.

Katherine speaks nearly eleven languages.

Katherine has difficulty maintaining real relationships as it’s hard to decipher her acts from reality.

Before becoming a member of Leverage she focuses heavily on art theft

After meeting the team, she bonds with Race over art

Katherine manages to fake her death twice in two years and attend her own funeral at both

As Katherine is the only woman on the team, she often feels as though she doesn’t belong, but all of her boys adore her and protect her at all costs.

Katherine has an abundance of connections around the world, though none of them know her true identity.

Prides herself on long cons that she’d pulled in the past all by herself.

Katherine never reveals how she grew up to her friend as she is very good at letting things go and never getting attached but all of that changes when Jack reaches out to her.

Katherine is wanted in five countries.

Successfully stole the Stanley Cup and replaced it with a replica, though she does not care for Hockey and did all of it out of spite because someone told her she couldn’t.

Katherine makes a game of keeping her real name from Jack as she insists he has to earn the right to know it.

Katherine falls for Jack nearly as fast as he falls for her.

Though Jack and Katherine do sleep together a few times, they agree to keep it a secret for the good of the team.

Though Katherine and Jack aren’t much older than the rest of the team, they take on a sort of parental role for Race and Albert who both grew up orphans

Katherine eventually opens up her own acting company where she finds she is an excellent coach, though she was never a performer herself because she lacked a certain truth element when she would try to perform on stage or on screen.

Katherine is very close with the whole team, but is able to relax while around Spot, as he’s more an equal to her than Race and Albert, and Jack and her have a lot of tension sometimes.

She shares the most with Spot on accident as Spot is easy to talk to.

Runs away at some point to “find herself” after an old team of hers tries to kill her and the rest of her current team and comes back just in time for Jack to be arrested, saving all of them.

Spot Conlon: The Hitter

Spot Conlon was in and out of the mob all growing up. (Eliot was black ops, but I want Spot to be younger, this is different).

He began training when he was very young and is a very skilled “retrieval specialist”

Spot has had to kill before and is ashamed of his past. When asked about it, he calmly asks his team not to get curious because he would tell them what he did 

Though the whole team consists of criminals, Spot believes them, especially Race and Albert, to be innocent and naive and he constantly looks out for them as best he can, acting as a sort of big brother for them until he catches feelings for Race (yeah sorry guys that’s gonna be different too)

Spot is very calm and never shows any kind of panic.

Spot is a trained chef

He grows up only fighting, learning to not get attached

The leverage team is his gateway to figuring out that he is capable of love

His role on the team is protection. He is always around to keep his team out of trouble when something goes wrong or even when things go right and he has to disarm people on purpose.

Spot is wicked smart and is able to discern things from noises, smells, walking patterns etc. always stating “It’s a very distinctive __”

Knows various types of martial arts and uses them regularly

Though not technically a grifter, Spot has an easy time playing different roles and can blend in easily with a crowd.

Hostage negotiator

Survivalist

He’s extremely protective of his team and is willing to go great lengths to make sure they’re safe and secure

Has a budding relationship with Albert who constantly gets himself into trouble that Spot has to get him out of.  

Was known as Sean before Race showed up and gave him a non threatening nickname based on his freckles

Can play the guitar

Manages to get shot at constantly, taking a few bullets but refusing to walk with crutches.

He loves teaching Katherine how to defend herself

Loves teaching Race knew things as well

Speaks six languages

Spot is not familiar with a lot of technology, causing him to often need Albert’s help with that kind of thing

Has rescued Race and Albert from being kidnapped or hurt the most

As times goes on, finds himself more and more in love with his team and really does love to protect them

Sees Albert as a little brother, even if he won’t admit it.

Racetrack Higgins: The Thief

Has been a thief since he was very young, maybe seven, but only gives his team made up stories about how it all started

Has a hard time coping with grief or pain, which is why he likes to make up stories about his past.

Abusive father killed Race’s mother when he was very young

Race grew up in foster care until he ran away at twelve, eventually getting raised on the street by an elite thief who spotted his talents and offered to train him, making him the best thief in the world

Is socially awkward on account of being a loner for most of his life and rarely ever opens up about his childhood

Despite this, Race is very loud and curious, almost childlike with his team, thus why Katherine and Jack become sort of parental figures toward him.

Race did have an older brother who got hit by a car when he was very young, after going out to get food for him. Race blames himself to this day.

Desperate for some kind of real family, besides the thief who trained him, Race meets an older foster brother who teaches him how to boost cars, along with “teaching him other things”. Though his is abused physically and sexually by this boy, Race doesn’t know any better and hangs on his every word, believing that the older boy wanted to help him.

Race is arrested when he’s fourteen, taking the fall for the boy who taught him how to boost cars

Race was a getaway driver at thirteen, and a good one at that.

He is constantly reminded of how he’s not normal, taking a toll on his mental stability as he’s often referred to as insane or inhuman

Race is fairly naive, but does live up to his title as the best thief in the world

Enjoys stealing diamonds more than anything else.

Quickly becomes best friends with Albert and is curious on how to get Spot to open up.

Never went to high school but is still amazingly smart as it takes a lot of math and science and so forth to be a thief.

Enjoys using tasers as a weapon of choice.

Has a bit of a sadistic mind as he enjoys watching Spot beat up on some of their enemies, especially the ones who’d tried to come at him, sometimes even visualizing that they’re the boy who left him behind after using him constantly all those years ago

Eventually does have to confront Drake again, but has his whole team to protect him.

Really loves cash

Is shocked the first time Spot kisses him because, he has been abused before, but kisses Spot again, telling him how different it feels

That’s the first time Race truly opens up about his past and Spot figures out that someone had used him

Has a fear of horses

Is not anywhere near afraid of heights

Has trust issues (obviously) despite the insistence that Albert and Spot (and of course Jack and Katherine but most Al and Spot) would never let anything happen to him

Actually trusts Jack the most as he came from the good side of the law

Does not like psychics

Katherine coaches Race in his social skills, helping him embrace his sexuality and slightly rely on those around him for connection and comfort

Race’s real name is Antonio Higgins, but he’s known across the world as only ‘Racer’

Albert DaSilva: The Hacker

Much like Race, Albert grew up in foster care, though through most of his childhood, he lived with a woman he refers to as “Nana”. Not his actual grandmother, but a foster mother who he adored and actually took care of him.

Often refers to himself as a geek and prides himself in being one as it is the “age of the geek, baby”

Is relied on heavily by the team as he makes a lot of their equipment (eg: coms, modified cell phones, button cams)

Provides CIA level aliases for his team.

Owns the teams vehicle, “Lucille” and is pissed when they manage to destroy not one model, but two

Has an unhealthy obsession with orange soda

Is physically very fit, but is not good in combat situations

Being an introvert for most of his life, Albert took to technology and learned just about everything one can about them

Albert is straight in this one (sorry for my Ralbert fans) but, as Race’s best friend, is constantly trying to subtly get Race to admit he has feelings for Spot

Though he and Spot didn’t get along too well at first, they eventually see themselves as brothers and look out for each other

Claustrophobic

Gets buried alive during a job gone wrong and is showed just how much he’s loved when his team manages to rescue him, believing him to be dead at first

Manages to keep the team very well paid and secured so the government can��t find them

Hacked into the pentagon when he was only twelve

When he was younger, his nana forced him off the computer for one hour out of every day to “give his eyes a rest from the screen” and Albert learns how to play the violin

Mostly used his skills for fun when he was younger, just wanting to prove he could do something

Skipped his senior prom to hack into medical records and get his nana on a high priority list

Has always looked out for the people he cared about

The only one Albert didn’t trust was Spot, as Spot intimidates him until Spot started showing interest in what he did, never commenting on it, but always looking very impressed

Oversells himself while grifting and often relies on Katherine to help guide him

Cares about humanity and the big picture, much like Jack. This is where their bond comes from as Katherine, Race and Spot have spent most of their lives looking out for themselves

Has a soft spot for little kids

Enjoys messing with Spot and making bets with him, even sparking in them having their own handshake which consists of them subtly high diving twice at waist level and then fist bumping. It’s often how they seal a bet or agree on a plan

What do you guys think? Any scenes you wanna see? Any other characters you wanna hear about? Let me know!

For more Mood Boards and AUs, click here!

#newsies #newsies live #newsies musical #newsies au #modern au #modern era #modern day robin hood #leverage #leverage au #jack kelly #katherine plumber #spot conlon #racetrack higgins #albert dasilva #dragonflysobright seethemfly #much love #angst #newsies rp

[ghostmartyr]

(1/3)Hi, Immi! I’m sorry it will be a long-read, but I can’t keep it bottled anymore. When you say you feel tired about Historia’s situation I can easily relate because I feel the same, exhausted and irritated. It’s just exhausting to keep looking for some positive signs when it becomes more and more obvious that Isayama just made her irrelevant because she’d turn into an obstacle to his plot as an active character. I believe the main reason for him to not explain her situation is that he wasn't

(2/3)able to come up with logical reasons for Historia to follow Eren’s plan and to have a child so he just forced that into the plot. The same way Survey Corps guys just miraculously met Annie eating the pie. We don’t see Historia, her words and her thoughts because it’d destroy the flimsy screen Isayama have draped over her. ... The other Historia-related thing which bothers me a lot is that quite a lot of people argue – in relation to the pregnancy – that she isn’t exactly a lesbian.

(3/3)Like it’d somehow make everything better! They completely miss the point. Even if we’d replace Historia with a random 101% hetero girl she’d still have a kid with a person she doesn’t love, with a person who abused her during her childhood, and this child would be created ONLY to allow Eren to enact global genocide. Wow, what a great improvement! … I’m really sorry for being such an aggressive pessimist but I’m just tired of being optimistic for 25 months straight to no avail. I guess.

Yo.

Put politely, some of the things this particular plot point inspired people to say is why I do my level best to avoid the fandom outside of close friends. It was... not good.

For a quick note, since everything you said has been on my mind for over two years, and ah yes, how it festers:

Coercive sex has nothing to do with preference.

I’m bolding that because hell, did it need to be said when 107 dropped, and as far as I’m aware, it still needs to be said. Instead of people being upset and hurt, the conversation turned into how much of a right people even had to those feelings, because why ever would lack of consent bother someone unless they had a stake in an interpretation of canon.

But in any case, yeah. The fact that Historia’s sexuality became the debate topic it did after 107 is -- hell. I know why it came about, and I could draw a very neat logic tree, and honestly, some of it did come from legitimate places of grievance.

Watching fandom feed like locusts on the discussion of what type of queer had been trapped in a dubiously consensual sexual relationship was still painful. Watching her entire relationship with Ymir be invalidated every other post, when that had limited relevance, was a twist to the knife.

We have a character whose arc revolves around finding herself and reclaiming her agency. The very next arc she is a participant in cheats her out of that agency. She’s nineteen, and everyone around her might not actively pressure her to breed children, but the situation is outlined so that she knows if she doesn’t, everyone will suffer.

This character has routinely protected children, and knows the suffering of being born unwanted.

It’s a disgusting story, and it doesn’t even get to be her story. It exists to make Eren upset. As if he really needs help with that. And after two years, the only addition we have to her role is that she might have gone along with it to help global genocide happen.

I have been waiting for this story to explain itself for a while. Each month, it doesn’t. Each month, I very carefully do not shout to the rafters exactly what I feel about this, because I’ve chosen to wait and trust that the story is not actually being this stupid. Each month, it seems less and less likely that this is ever getting fixed, and I feel like an idiot for going along with it.

However much I think there’s room for a reveal, each month, we’re a tick closer to the end, and nothing crops up. My argument has always been that for something kept off the stage for so long, it’s going to stay off the stage until it’s ready to blow us away. Great, awesome, but in the meantime, by all appearances, one of our main characters agreed to get knocked up by a guy she doesn’t like with a child she doesn’t want for the sake of a global genocide she doesn’t support.

When our actual main character is murdering literally everyone on the planet over how intolerable he finds that practice.

This does not make sense. This does not work on a thematic level, it doesn’t work on a logical level, it doesn’t work on a character level, and yet I’m here, stuck putting up with it for those exact reasons. This is the exact type of thing that got Sherlock fans so much mockery. “No guys, it’s bad on purpose for the secret extra season!”

I’m tired of being optimistic, too. Being optimistic often feels like letting it go unsaid how fucked every part of this is. Loads of characters die, or don’t show up for months at a time, but having a character’s emotional consistency actively dismantled to serve another character’s arc is something that basically never happens in this series. Unless you’re Ymir or Historia. Nice.

Because of how good the character work has been, I am optimistic. Still.

At the same time, the things I love most about the series have been fucked over worse and more completely than anything else going on in the story, and sometimes, I would like a little room to be pissed.

Where is my fucking wall scene, WIT?

#attack on asks #shingeki no no #I really hope it isn't as bad as it looks #because it looks so fucking bad #not to mention all of this is happening #while the themes discussed in her arc #are still being honored and present #but just y'know #with everyone except her #it makes it feel like a mistake to grow attached to historia as a character #because she's being used like the cardboard cutout she learned to move beyond #stories that make you regret picking them up should be like 'oh no my emotions' #not 'oh no you completely wasted my time by making me think this was going somewhere' #anyway anon #fucking mood

[didanawisgi]

by Robin Koerner

“Jordan Peterson, the Canadian professor of psychology who in the last year has become North America’s most popular public intellectual, has spent many decades studying tyranny and its antecedents. As a result, he frequently warns his audiences of the unparalleled destructive power of “ideological possession.”

As someone who has long been writing about the threat posed by this all too prevalent epistemic disease, I am delighted to see the attention that is now being paid to it.

Ideological possession is to healthy political discourse as scientism is to science.

Any ideology has the potential to be deadly.

The most important thing to know about diagnosing ideological possession is that you can’t do it by looking at the content of the possessing ideology.

As I have said elsewhere, it’s not the content of your belief that makes you dangerous, it’s the way you believe it.

Any ideology has the potential to be deadly when advanced by those who are so sure of their own knowledge and moral outlook that they would impose it against the protestations of those affected by it. To the ideologically possessed, the imposition can always be justified because “it’s the right thing to do,” “it will start working if we keep at it,” “the complaints are coming from bad people,” and so on. (Yes. The logic is as circular as it seems.)

So, with apologies to Dr. Peterson and an open invitation to him to amend and augment the following (he is the clinician, after all), here, for diagnostic purposes, is a list of symptoms of ideological possession—that most fatal of epistemic diseases.

Cautions and Caveats

The symptoms of ideological possession manifest differently according to the possessing ideology.

So, for illustrative purposes, the following list of symptoms is presented with example manifestations, labeled to indicate their association with so-called “progressive” (P), so-called “conservative” (C), and so-called “libertarian” (L) possessing ideologies.

For instance, the fact that someone believes the world is out to get them doesn’t necessarily mean they are paranoid.

To be fair, it is not the case that all people who present with manifestations similar to those listed below are exhibiting symptoms of ideological possession. It is, after all, quite possible to hold apparently simplistic or radical views that are very carefully arrived at with an open mind, good data, and intellectual honesty.

For instance, the fact that someone believes the world is out to get them doesn’t necessarily mean they are paranoid (B does not imply P). More interestingly, as the old saw goes, just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean that the world isn’t out to get you (P does not strictly mean  B is false).

Nevertheless, believing the world is out to get you is a very good diagnostic marker for paranoia (B is highly causally correlated with P).

So with that caution, the manifestations below are offered because I have witnessed each one, and when I did so, had reason to believe it was symptomatic of at least the early stages of the onset of ideological possession.

List of Symptoms for Diagnostic Purposes

Major Symptoms

The possessed insists that anyone who disfavors a specific view or policy must also reject the basic moral value that, to the possessed individual, justifies that view or policy. This is the fallacy of the assumed paradigm. (L: “If you won’t let mothers protect their children with guns, you’re a misogynist.” C: “People who favor gun control don’t value freedom.” P: “People against regulating firearms don’t care about violence against children.”)

The possessed uses one-dimensional labels for people they’ve never met and who clearly aren’t one-dimensional as a means of dismissing the value of all their beliefs or actions. (L: “Churchill was a mass-murderer.” C: “Gandhi was a pedophile.” P: “Thatcher was a witch.”)

Related to the above, the possessed will regard a few quotes or actions by an individual as proof that the individual is evil without regard to context, appreciation that everyone is a product of his time, recognition that people change over time, or consideration of other quotes and actions that provide evidence against the claimed ill intent of the individual in question.

The possessed advocates worse treatment of people within a specified group than others. (P: “Straight white men have privilege and so should have their opinions discounted or suppressed.” L: “People who work for the state initiate violence, and it is ok to use violence against those who initiate violence.” C: “People who burn the flag are traitors and should be punished as such.”)

The possessed believes that a single principle provides answers to most important moral and political questions, disregarding reasonable moral intuitions to the contrary (precisely because they are to the contrary) and any uncertainty regarding the precise meaning or application of the principle. (P: “Equality.” L: “Non-aggression.” C: “Biblical authority.”)

When the results of an ideologically justified action are the opposite of those intended or used to justify that action in the first place, the possessed is convinced that not only is the action not the cause of any resulting problem but that more of the same action will eventually solve that problem. (P: “Venezuela needs more socialism.” C: “We need more unprovoked military involvement in conflicts that don’t involve us.” L: “Europe should open its borders immediately to everyone.”)

Minor Symptoms

The possessed enjoys opportunities to defend what he believes more than opportunities to make his beliefs more accurate.

The possessed collects data that support her beliefs instead of seeking data that would help her correct false beliefs.

The possessed offers unsolicited opinions without any empathic engagement with the recipient or any interest in whether she is in any state to be positively influenced by them.

The possessed would rather reform society’s institutions to better serve his ideology than reform his ideology to better serve people.

Immunity, Pathology, and Cure

Fortunately, the epistemic immune system of most mentally healthy people protects them from ideological possession. The core of the immune response—and indeed an effective cure—is Love of Truth, specifically the holding of Truth as the highest moral value.

Love of Truth, in fact, provides a near-perfect protection against ideological possession.

Pathologically, ideological possession may even be understood as the substitution of that highest value by another.

Love of Truth, in fact, provides a near-perfect protection against ideological possession because the disease, while deadly, has no defense against the honest admission by the afflicted of his or her symptoms.

Nevertheless, the most pernicious and subtle feature of the disease prevents the possessed from seeking treatment or treating himself: ideological possession can disguise itself in the mind of the afflicted as that very same Love of Truth that, in its authentic form, would cure it.

What conditions, then, enable those in the grip of ideological possession—whose love of Truth may have already been replaced by a counterfeit—to cure themselves?

To answer that, it is important to understand the symbiotic relationship of the disease with its host.

Although epidemics of ideological possession can be fatal to entire societies, the disease provides immediate benefits to the individual who is afflicted, such as intellectual certainty and stability, feelings of moral superiority, an apparent simplification of life’s difficult decisions and questions, avoidance of true moral responsibility, and a sense of belonging among others similarly afflicted. All of these tend to prevent self-treatment.

The painful shock activates the Love of Truth long enough to locate the cause of the pain.

Accordingly, the cures for ideological possession tend to be external and unsought. They nevertheless exist and fall into two broad categories—fast cures and slow cures.

Fast cures tend to be triggered by a catastrophic failure of one or more of the above benefits to the afflicted individual. This may occur when, despite the highly motivated perception and reasoning of the possessed individual, she experiences an unexpected, painful, and shocking outcome of an ideologically motivated action. The painful shock activates the Love of Truth long enough to locate the cause of the pain, forcing the afflicted to admit the symptoms, and therefore identify the disease for what it is, effecting the rapid cure.

Slow cures tend to involve a rising awareness by one afflicted individual of the same disease in friends or others with whom she identifies. This can be induced when the individual sees inconsistencies in those others’ words and actions that cause direct harm to others and to the stated goals of the possessing ideology. (In theory, this slow cure could be induced by observations of one’s own actions under ideological possession, but this is prevented by the self-righteousness that is felt when one acts in the grip of the disease.)

Maintaining Good Epistemic Health

To protect oneself from the terrible epistemic disease of ideological possession, epistemic nutrition and exercise are extremely effective.

The good news is, if you’re chasing Truth hard enough, it is very unlikely that this particular disease will ever catch up with you.

With respect to the former, the regular consumption of great thinkers like J.S. Mill (“He who knows only his own side of the case knows little of that”), George Orwell (“To see what is in front of one’s nose needs a constant struggle”), and Dostoevsky (“Nothing is easier than to denounce the evildoer. Nothing is more difficult than to understand him”) will keep you in good epistemic health. Supplement these basics with a more varied diet of thinkers with whom you disagree on things that matter, and you’ll be in even better shape.

With respect to the latter, a comfortable regime of epistemic exercise—which takes a little time and effort but is immediately rewarding—involves maintaining real friendships with people who have very different assumptions, experiences, and declared moral and political priorities from your own.

The good news is, if you’re chasing Truth hard enough, it is very unlikely that this particular disease will ever catch up with you.”

#ideological possession #syndrome e #ideology #wisdom #psychology #jordan b. peterson #emergent ethics #philosophy #politics #evil #darkness #psychopathy #sociopathy #ideological left #truth #ethics #morality #epistemic disease #fav #democrats #liberalism #progressive #republican #authoritarianism #good #light #enlightenment #antifa #black lives matter #blue lives matter

[darklingichor]

Gone With the Wind by Margaret Mitchell

Buckle in kids, this one has my analytical muscles flexing!

I always said that I absorbed some of this epic through osmosis. GWTW is my mom's favorite book and one of her favorite movies. I remember wandering in and out of the living room at least once a year while she watched it. I would listen with half an ear as I played in the other room. A movie so long as to have an intermission just couldn't keep my attention as a kid. Of course I knew the story, just like I knew the story of a lot of fairy tales that I'd never actually had read to me. I didn't actually sit down and watch the movie in it's entirety until I was in my 20's. I liked it. It was well made, the acting was great and the story for all it's wince worthy moments and the surface polishing of such an ugly period in american history, was compelling.

I've never been able to get through the actual book. The reasons are going to sound a little silly. When I was younger, I thought : Why read it? I know the story. Tara is a plantation pre civil war, Scarlett lives at Tara, she's spoiled, she marries out of spite, gets widowed, Atlanta burns, she and her family become poor after the war, "As God is my witness, I shall never be hungry again" she works hard, almost loses Tara, she marries for money, saves Tara, works hard, is widowed again, marries again, rocky relationship, a child passes, "Frankly my dear, I don't give damn", end credits. In between she pines over a guy she can't have, and manages to be all around an unpleasant person in general. Done and done.  I was probably too young to read it then anyway.

When I got older and realized that a book could be complex with horrible things in it. I thought I should read it. But, every copy of the book I seemed to find had tiny tiny print and no paragraph breaks (the later being a a typical writing characteristic in the past). Even with my glasses I have a hard time reading a book in that format. I skip lines, reread lines, I always end up,with a,pounding headache. No matter how good the story it's hard to get into when you can't physically read it. I had the same problem with Little Women. I eventually got through it but it was difficult.

Well, now there's audible. For once, I didn't have a book I was chomping at the bit to listen to and I thought: Why not? I listened to other books I couldn't get into for whatever reason. So, one credit and 48 hours (spread out over the last three weeks) later. I made it through.

Let me say, this novel is rich in language, as in it is well written and has much to analyze. But every time the n-word was said I flinched. Every time a black person was infatlized, or threatened, I felt angry, I was pissed off by the caricatures and happy slave narritive. Everything I have read about the author points to her evolving her views on black people after her novel, which is good. However, it doesn't make the characterization of black people any easier to read. There are racist things in the book, writing about a bunch of well to do people in the antebellum south, I'm not sure how an author could avoid it without Clorox-ing history, which honestly, she did enough of with her mythical view of the way enslaved people were treated and felt. It was a narrative I often heard in school, in the PNW, in the 90's.

The story went that depending on where someone fit into the hierarchy of slaves, some were well treated and loved. Because of this, when emancipation came, some slaves were afraid to be, or didn't want to be free. This of course served the purpose of making an awful period in US history seem softer than it was. "Sure it was bad, but it wasn't that bad."

As I studied more, this viewpoint was replaced with a "Nope, this was just bad, as in monumentally criminally bad."

I think Mitchell, when she wrote the book, thought she was being accurate, but considering she learned her history from veterens of The Confederacy, it is not surprising that she was wrong.

Because of the one dimensional way that black people were written, it's hard for me to really dig into the symbolism of their characters. I'm only marganially good at this, as you will soon see.

I will say this: I liked the book for many of the same reasons my mom gave me for loving it. For it's descriptions and it's style, for it's symbolism. I like it for it's depiction of a culture in flux, of the impact of war for those on the home front, of the all too human condition that one never sees one's self as the bad guy. I do not like it for the characters. Rhett is an asshole, Ashley has a lot in common with a wet towel, only less interesting. Melanie is okay but can at times, give one a toothache. Scarlett is a brat. The glorifying of a time when people owned other people is disturbing, full stop.

It was those parts that made me profoundly uncomfortable and I had to remind myself over and over that this was a novel about civil war Georgia and the rich people that inhabited it before, during, and directly after. This was how those people would think, talk and behave. It was wrong then, it's wrong now.

Now, I'm going to look at the symbolism in this book because I found it facinating.

Gone with the wind is far more complex than I thought when I was a kid or after I watched the movie. The collective consciousness holds Rhett Butler and Scarlett O'Hara's romance to be the heart of the story... But it's not. Scarlett herself is the heart of the story. Honestly, Rhett driffs in and out when Scarlett needs either a dose of levity, a hard dose of truth, or a leg up on a hard fight. He doesn't rescue her, he helps her get the tools, and shows her the path to rescue herself.

Scarlett is an odd character. She has so many good points and bad points that she is nearly neutral. She's self-centered, but will fiercely care for and look after those she considers family, or as she calls them "my own". She will, on the surface ( for as the book says, it was all surface with her) resent every step taken, dollar spent, or moment given but she will keep doing it. She's opportunistic and ruthless with it, but she doesn't do it for the hell of it, she does it when backed into a corner. She's inpatient with her children, but her actions show that she loves them. She wants to do right by the social customs she was raised with and that the South cling to even after the war, but she's far too practical to pay them any more than lip service unless they fit her purposes.

Katie Scarlett O'Hara *is* rural Georgia. The colors that are always used to describe the land and Tara are red, green, black and white. In Scarlett we have described, red lips, green eyes ("without a hint of hazel"), white skin and black hair. She often wears these colors as well. Scarlett grows and changes along with Georgia and in fact, the reader is treated to the change of Georgia in a way that makes it more important than the changes of the characters. There are long stretches of discription of Georgia, especially Clayton County where Tara is. Long passages of the feelings of Georgia's people, before, during and after the war. Scarlett's life story from age 16 to age 28 are placed in between, and I have to think that the composition of the book was deliberate (I've never read any literary analysis GWTW, this is just me rambling). 

Scarlett is told by her father, early in the book, that an Irishman's land is like his mother. Gerald O'Hara, an Irish immigrant, goes on to tell her that this kinship to the land is the same for anyone with a drop of Irish blood. In Scarlett, this goes further, for not only is the land her mother, she is,truly it's daughter.

Since she only swims in the shallow depths of her mind, she is unaware of her deeper waters. She does have them, she just pays no attention to what lives there. Weirdly, what lives there is what truly moves her. Early in the book the reader is told that although she didn't know it, she loved Tara, she was at peace there.

Nature is neutral,nature doesn't care about wars, politics or customs. At her core Scarlett doesn't care about these things either. Throughout the book the reader is told, that Scarlett doesn't care about anything that didn't directly affect her. This is true, and she is called out  fairly often by other characters for being self-centered. However, her selfishness has a different feel than say, Bella Swan, Veruca Salt, or various other literary brats.

Scarlett feels less like one only,out to further her own interests and more like one who is trying to maintain her niche in her environment. For a living thing to thrive, their environment must support them. When an environment changes, the living thing either adapts or dies. Scarlett adapted.

Unable to convince Ashley Wilkes to break his engagement to Melanie Hamilton, being more obvious about her feelings for him than she thought, facing shame and questions to her reputation that would devastate her social standing and also possibly damage her family, she took swift action. She married Charles Hamilton, Melanie's brother. Why? It would shut up those who thought her in love with Ashley, thus saving her reputation. Plus, she figured it would hurt those she saw,as a threat to her. Like a river wearing a path around a tree, she avoided the obstical and continued on.

So if Scarlett is Georgia what about our other big characters?

Rhett is change, and time, like Scarlett he's nearly morally neutral.

Ashley is the past, he's the southern gentleman that the culture out grew.

Melanie a sheltering force. She reads as sweet and proper, but is always supporting Scarlett, even when her choices do not line up with the social system.

So, let's look at each of these characters in relation to our green-eyed force of nature.

I’m going to start with Ashley. Scarlett is fixated on him from the beginning. One can make many arguments as to why. He’s the only man not falling all over himself to get her attention, he very much represents the white knight to her, having “fallen in love” with him when he rode up to Tara after being away from Twelve Oaks, the reason as old as time, because she can’t have him, and her father says he’s not a good match for her. All of these are true, but to look at it from the symbolism angle:

Scarlett is Georgia,. The land and the plantation culture, she’s comfortable in her world at the start of the book. She doesn’t care at all about the war. It’s something that’s happening around her, something she is dreadfully bored by. Ashley represents that comfort, being with him means keeping things the same, staying the girl who only has to worry herself with parties, and being a plantation wife. Life would be slow and easy.

Time goes on, when everything goes wrong and Tara falls into poverty, Scarlett adapts. This girl who only a few years before married a man to save face, had never expected to work, now has to bust her tail trying to keep everyone fed. She wants Ashley, still, because she desperately wants to go back to that past, to where things were simple, to where hunger was not an issue.

The problem is that, Scarlett views Ashley through a haze of sentimentality, and Ashley is, himself, the embodiment of rose tinted nostalgia. He is not like Scarlett, longing for that time, but functioning in reality. He cannot exist outside of it; he’s not wishing for a time when all he had to do was talk books and philosophy with Melanie, he is of that time and he can do nothing when its gone.

Ashley Wilkes is an embroidered cloth of the antebellum south. He's the neat picture that faces outward, the pleasent part that the one weilding the needle wanted people to see. What is hidden is the web of threads criss-crossing each other, the nests of string, the knots and the things those messy parts tell of. The pricked fingers, the broken threads, the bent needles, stitches that were undone, tangles. The work and the pain that went into making that pretty picture look effortless. In short, he's what Scarlett and others at the start of the book thought of their culture and society. The work of the slaves was just simply there, what mattered was the result. Scarlett, like the society at large, had to let that go, face what it was. Not a shining example to return to, but an impractical relic of the past.

Rhett on the other hand sort of drifts in and out of the awareness of the main characters, He is always sort of there. He sees the writing on the wall, knows that many of the social conventions are on their way out and nudges Scarlett in the direction she wants to go in anyway.

After Charles dies, and Scarlett is in mourning, tradition dictating that she wear black, Rhett buys her a green hat and tells her he will take it away if she has it dyed.

When Tara is about to be lost, and Rhett refuses to give her money, Scarlett, without shame and with ruthless practicality, steals and marries her sister Suellen's suitor.

Why? Because she knew that Suellen would not have used any of the money she might have come into to save Tara.

Scarlett then takes over her new husband's business. She has a talent for it, and does well. Rhett encourages this unconventional behavior by lending her money to buy a sawmill which she runs.

This loan is interesting because it has a condition. He loans her the money as long as it isn't used to help Ashley.

This could be seen as an opportunity that would only really work if not given over to the conventions of the past. This plays out some what when it turns out that Ashley really sucks at doing... Well anything useful, really.

When Rhett and Scarlett eventually marry, he is proud to have a smart wife.

Rhett, as change, sees that Scarlett can and should break free from the social expectations that hem her in, when she does, she tends to do well. They are prosperous. What gets her in trouble is her constent looking back, pineing for Ashley, for the past that never was what it seemed, and the lost future that never would have been what she thought. Case in point, Scarlett and Rhett have Bonnie, who Rhett adores, Scarlett seems contented in her marriage. Then what happens? Ashley tells Scarlett that he is jealous of Rhett. And Scarlett promptly demands that she and Rhett sleep in separate rooms.

Later, we continue to go all soap opera when Scarlett and Ashley share an embrace and Ashley's sister, India, spreads a rumour of an affair. Melanie kicks her out of her house, but Rhett has heard. Enticements of the past impeding the progress to the future.

Rhett is near his breaking point with Scarlett and her focus on Ashley. He forces himself on her. Change trying to force itself on the culture through a vile and violent act. That is not a way to move forward, however.

Scarlett becomes pregnant, argues with a fed up Rhett, and falls down the stairs, losing the baby. Scarlett doesn't want anything to do with Rhett after this happens, understandably.  A lot of change made in violence is resented and rejected. This leaves Rhett at a loss.

When Bonnie dies (it could be argued that she represents a new south, one that is not held back by convention, but is ultimately killed by the strong hold that those conventions had on the culture) Rhett is broken. And just when Scarlett is willing to embrace change, Rhett decides to leave, to find his own version of south that Ashley had been clinging to. This could be interpreted a couple of different ways. It could be seen as, that change  is brought about by time and acceptence, and that the lack of the latter means that the former will not be effective and pass you by. Or, and this is the interpretation that I prefer, the fact that time, in regards to culture, repeats. Every generation has experienced this. You spend your youth laughing at the way things were done “back in the day” maybe even proclaiming that when you’re older, you won’t talk about “Kids these days…” but then one day you find that everything that was familiar to you has become outdated and you don’t understand, and therefore don’t like what is happening now and you find yourself wishing for the time when you were so sure and you understood everything. Ashley represents a past after a major upheavel, Rhett, is simply the march of time that every now and again will turn around and walk backwards to see where he’s been. Now, one could argue that Rhett is going to end up like Ashley, afterall, he’s looking for his past again. But I feel that Rhett is retreating into the past because of the trauma he experience in losing Bonnie and giving up on Scarlett. It’s a respite, rather than a permanate state of mind, like it is with Ashley. Ashley’s mind was always in the more idealized place, no matter the circumstsnce. It was the war that rattled his viewpoint of the world. Rhett is grounded in reality, he just wants to go home. Ashley is a rerun of an old tv show, Rhett is a nostaligia inspired reboot.

And Melanie. Ahh, Melly, silk wrapped iron, she is.

If this book has one "good guy" it's Melanie. If Ashley is pulling Scarlett (Georgia) back and Rhett is marching her forward, Melanie is a sheltering force, and  Scarlett's counter point. Melanie has a streanth of her own and it is a perfect compainon to Scarlett's straightforward determination. While listening to this book, the phrase "speak softly and carry a big stick" kept coming to mind when it came to Melly. There are times that a soft spoken assurance, a politely worded insistence can be more powerful than anything else and Melanie shows that. The two prop each other up. When Scarlett kills the Yankee that invaded Tara, she helped bury the body. When Scarlett is demanding and short-tempered in regards to work being done around Tara during the lean times, Melly backs her up, but sweetens the tone. It takes a quiet fortitude to keep the peace in a way that still allows for getting things done and  Melanie enables Scarlett to do just that. She knows the ins and outs of society rules and can weave her way through them with more ease than Scarlett. As such, she recognizes when Scarlett has to bend or break those rules to ensure the family's survival and knows just the right way to phrase it to give her sister in law enough wiggle room to keep her on society's good graces.

She Dances with Rhett for the cause even while in mourning? Melly insists she's doing it out of memory of Charlie. She does more than sit and home and be a widow? Melly points out that Scarlett is young and should be allowed some leeway.

Ashley's sister spreads a roumor about Scarlett and Ashley while the former is married to Rhett? Melly banishes her from the house.

When Melanie dies, Scarlett realizes how much she has meant to her and I would argue that it is her sisterhood and partnership with Melanie that is central to the story, rather than Scarlett's relationship with Rhett.

Each of these main characters are either rejected or leave just as Scarlett's deeper motives and thoughts float to the surface where she pays attention to them.

Melly dies when Scarlett is finally ready to stand on her own, because the social rules are being phased out, she doesn't need Melanie's gentle protection any more. With the phasing out of those rules, Ashley  is outdated and unappealing and finally, Rhett and time move on, now that they have had their effect. And what is left standing is a changed Scarlett O'Hara in a changed world.

#book #books #gone with the wind #margaret mitchell #ramble #long post #thirty nine #Book blogging 2020

[sunnykeysmash]

The Structure of S14: a theory on how the season’s arc is structured, and on the ending

Here we go, finally, the post that drove me to make tumblr in the first place.

This is a direct follow-up to the other two posts I just did, so if you haven’t done so already, you need to read all the info/proof I have provided in them, in order to understand why I say what I’m gonna say.

You can do so right here.

As I said, every single episode in S14 serves a specific purpose in the arc/structure we’re witnessing, and none of them are fillers, NONE of them.

First, this is how I think the rest of the season is gonna go, based on the proof.

Assuming all the proof is correct, Charlie now knows that Mac Knows about Dennis' attraction to him/guys. So, cue the episode where we see his point of view, we get to see how he perceives them, which informs our experience on the next episode. The Gang Solves Global Warming. 

Following Escapes’ symbolism, after Mops, during Global Warming, he’s gonna pass the Key to Frank, aka he’s gonna tell him about what he knows, possibly in frustration post some event in Global Warming, because he’s been forced to witness their oblivious mutual pining without any new development.

In comes “A Woman’s Right To Chop”, a Dennis and Frank pair up episode. Pretty weird, those happen VERY rarely. But there’s a reason for why it happens now. So, Frank confronts Dennis in Chop about what he knows. Dennis denies it, and wants to prove to Frank that he's wrong. This becomes his new character motivation that will drive him all the way until the finale. What I think he’ll do to desperately try to prove to Frank that he’s wrong is, just like in TGGR with Dee’s planned role as diversion, Dennis bangs a chick. It just so happens that Jackie Denardo starts in S14, and we don’t yet know in which episode, so I can’t confidently say whether she’ll star in Chop or Jumper (we can’t fully determine when he will bang her, but I’m confident he’ll bang HER, or come close to), either way, that’s the reason she stars in S14. She represents the culmination of Dennis’ forced attraction to girls that actually never occurs. Getting over her means embracing his true feelings.

So, he bangs her. Just like Frank and Charlie post sleeping with the girls, Dennis feels that “it doesn't quite feel right”, and he misses Mac, but he doesn't pay it any mind yet. Continuing with this, it is unclear whether Mac will learn about it in Jumper or Big Mo, all we know is that Mac doesn’t seem angry in the Big Mo clips, so my guess is the latter, as the build up would come to a halt as Mac finally confronts Dennis about his feelings and he, in order to deny, reveals he banged her and staged the Big Mo thing so that Mac will get off of him for good. This argument would then drive Mac to decide to actually give Big Mo a chance, which is when Dennis’ jealousy would truly make him snap out of the denial.

This can technically also be supported by the dialogue in TGGR, which goes as follows:

“I know that what you had with [x] (Dennis) was special, and I know that I (Big Mo) can never replace him, but that’s dead and buried now, and you gotta move on. And I know that it’s crazy because we just met, but I feel like if you just give us a chance, we could tell a lovestory for the ages.”

So this brings us to the key question. How does it end? The synopsis for Jumper was kind enough to give us a crucial hint, which, when paired with the “Jump” symbolism (”Why do blind people hate skydiving?”), and the theme of CHANGE that I discussed, can pretty much give us a fairly accurate guess in my opinion.

“Could he? Would he? Should we?” Let’s dissect this.

- Could he? Could dennis have what it takes to get over his facade of heterosexuality and admit his love and need for mac (and men) to himself? To even accept and realize what he feels? Possibly. He's afraid of change, but he's also tired, and sleeping with Jackie would prompt him to realize that something is very wrong.

 - Would he? Is he willing do it? to let down his defenses and do it in the open? Say it to him? He's not known for saying things openly, except in desperate times. See Tends Bar. He can't let himself lose Mac.

 - Should we? Should we get together? The very existence of this question implies that the answer of the previous ones are affirmative. So, could he? Yes. Would he? Yes. Should we? For Dennis, yes. He has admitted it to Mac at this point, he feels vulnerable but ready, and hopes that Mac agrees. Mac knows better now, he knows Dennis is desperate, and he's not sure if Dennis just wants to keep his position of power. He needs proof. Commitment. He knows Dennis has never been one for committing, but Mac can't hand him his heart if he's unsure whether it'll get shattered. He needs to know that it'll be safe. Mac is romantic, Mac commits. He needs to know Dennis can do it too. He sees this as just another plan he'd make to keep him, for now. What happens next can be two different things. Either the ONE YEAR is what we have to wait to know what Mac answers. Or it’s what he asks of him as proof of commitment. Wait one year. “If you feel the same way by then, I'll know you meant it, and I'll be ready to give us a try.” Mac loves Dennis, but he also knows him, and he knows himself, that he could never handle his heart being played with. And that he doesn't want to ruin what they have by jumping into things. You see, Dennis is the man that needs to jump, in this arc. He’s the leading man. Mac doesn't have to. Mac is his parachute. And after what just happened, he needs to be able to trust Dennis, just as Dennis needed in Chokes.

So, TGGR has two endings, as I previously discussed. A good one, and a bad one. Supposedly, this is to keep the ending unclear, but knowing what we know, the story we are following is the Charlie and Frank one. Which tells me that, ultimately, it all ends in a YES. They do end up together, even if we get a dubious cliffhanger, on the other side of it is a YES.

That said, since we can safely assume that Big Mo will parallel Jumper, we can also assume that it really doesn’t matter whether the Jumper jumps or not, and actually, the mere application of this algorithm TO the Jumper further confirms my claims, let me explain why. Let me apply it.

First of all, let’s make an assumption that I think we can all agree on. Whenever the gang intervenes, they make things worse. 

Now:

- Could he? die/jump? He could jump, he probably wouldn't die thought. The McPoyle guy didn't. 

- Would he? jump? ...How would the gang know or be able to guess the answer to this question, without interacting with the jumper?

- Should we? Intervene? If they answer yes, he'll jump. If they answer no, he might not. But here’s the catch.

The "should we" question is a question asked to TWO people, hence the "we", so it has two answers. Depending on the person.

And it ultimately doesn't matter which one the jumper will reflect. It’ll probably be a red herring anyway. They likely won’t intervene at all, thus the jumper won’t jump. 

"should we (intervene/get together)? yes" Dennis jumps. It reflects his answer. "should we (intervene/get together)? no(t yet)" Mac doesn't jump. It reflects his.

Obviously we can’t 100% assume that Mac will say no (but he needs to, in order to justify the one year thing), however the theme of change might hit him as well. We know he’s impulsive, the doesn’t think things through. Him waiting would be his change. Not only that, but Dennis getting a no(t yet) would be the most appropriate ending for his arc of taking Mac for granted, AND it would reverse their dynamic, possibly. Plus, karma, which usually gets implemented in stories/arcs, especially so in a series as self aware as IASIP.

Having said ALL of this, I can finally get to the structure itself.

As I said, every episode has a role, and so far that has been the case. So I’m gonna try to compile them, as I think fits, one by one.

I present to you, “The Structure”:

TGGR: Establishing the arc. The meta episode to set the ground rules, to give us the map of what's gonna happen, so that no one is surprised. It tells the audience to pay attention to what they’re about to experience, and not take details for granted. Thundergun: Establishing the conflict. A look at Den's past attractions and his reaction to them in the present. It tells us where he is currently. It tells us the inherent conflict of his real feelings that he has always had vs his resistance to change (symbolized by thundergun itself changing, skillfully enough). Dee Day: Transitional. It solidifies the conflict regarding the relationship itself, not just Dennis’ personal one. It tries to unite the past with the future, but fails because the needs of the arc haven’t been met yet. So it sets up Chokes. Chokes: The first turning point. Mac and Dennis are able to work out their core hang-ups, and realize they are still perfect for each other. First part of the relationship conflict resolution. First acceptance of change: Mac learns to make his own decisions and not follow what Dennis wants. Texts: The second turning point. Mac and Dennis work out their communication problems. Also advancement of the situation of Dennis’ conflict. Mac and Charlie become aware of Den's feelings. This is the second part of the relationship conflict resolution, not yet the ending of it as Dennis’ conflict hasn’t been resolved, thus the relationship conflict can’t yet either. Mops: The aftermath. Now that Charlie is involved, we take a look at his point of view of Mac and Dennis, now that he knows. The conflict between Charlie and Mac+Dennis will likely be established here, as it will start to give the character his motivation for what’s to come all the way to the finale. Either that or it’s breathing room, but I stand by my case that no episode is a filler in this season. Global Warming: Advancement of the conflict of the dynamic between Charlie and Mac+Dennis, and advancement of Dennis’ personal conflict. Charlie, now knowing, is fed up at things not going forward for Mac+Dennis, he was happy at Mac figuring it out, hoping it would lead them to speed things up and stop bothering him with their complex rituals, but they haven’t. He’s annoyed with Mac and Dennis about this whole thing. This is the character motivation that drives him to tell Frank what he knows, possibly in frustration after something that happens in GW. Remember how in The Gang Escapes, Charlie passes the key to Frank, and it’s him who opens the lock. Chop: Confronting the issue, running away from it. This is the start of Dennis’ spiraling because of his conflict, that will lead him to the events of the finale. Frank is paired with Dennis, something truly rare. It's on purpose. He confronts Dennis about his feelings. Dennis denies. Gains a new motivation going forward and into the finale: proving that his denial is actually accurate. Jumper: With his new motivation setting in motion the events that will lead to the finale, he bangs a chick. Trying to prove it further, he thinks of a plan to get Mac off of him for good, thinking that's why people keep believing that he’s gay. Big Mo: Obviously, the finale. The final turning point. Acceptance of change. Resolution of Dennis’ personal conflict. End of the conflict of the dynamic between Charlie and Mac+Dennis, as all the other conflicts have been resolved, so he too is content.

As change is finally accepted, we reach a Point B in the finale, different from the Point A at which we started. Change is effective on Dennis, which now accepts himself fully, and feels ready. Change is effective on Mac, which makes him make his own decisions no matter what Dennis wants, and thus doesn’t jump into the relationship yet.

One year from the finale, season 15. We have a new beginning. It’s unclear whether the year of waiting is supposed to be for the audience or in-universe, so it’s unclear whether in s15 we’ll deal with a reversed dynamic of Dennis yearning and Mac refusing, or if the year passes off screen as we wait, which would imply the promise that S15 starts with canon MacDennis.

Either way, this is my dissection of the season so far, and obviously I might be very wrong, and if I am please don’t kill me, but this is how I think things are going, and how I think things will go.

Feel free to ask me about anything that is unclear, as english isn’t my first language so I might’ve explained something a little roughly. I do look forward to knowing the fandom’s reception to my thoughts, if anyone is brave enough to read all the way through here. And hey, if you did, thank you so so much! I hope you enjoyed it.

#iasip #it's always sunny in philadelphia #macdennis #theory #analysis #season 14 #macden

[transamorousnetwork]

The Trans Guide To Happiness

Everyone is born with unique talents. That includes you. Especially you if you're transgender or trans-attracted. You’re the vangaurd of humanity. You’re special.

You also come with tendencies. Tendencies leaning toward expressing those talents. Feeling those tendencies then following them will change your life.

It is not possible to come to earth with no passions, skills, strengths or direction. Are you feeling like you have none of these? Are you bored about life? Feel stuck in a rut? The problem isn't what you're doing.

It's how you're thinking.

You brought everything with you needed to live your greatest life ever. Including having the love you want. Living your greatest life hinges on being happy.

Happiness is an emotion you conjure deliberately. When you don't, it comes and goes.

Here's the secret to living your greatest life ever and getting the love you want: Be happy first.

There’s a reason you feel bored or tired or sad or unfulfilled. It's saying "How you are thinking right now needs to change if you want what you want."

Same is true if you feel shame about being trans-attracted, sad, confused or in despair over dysphoria from being trans, or feeling depressed, lonely or anxiety-ridden

Ask someone "what is the purpose of emotions?" You won't get the answer you just got. Yet it is key to everything.

Not many people know you can become happy in a few seconds. No matter what is happening. Not knowing this, happiness is fleeting.

But happiness can be permanent. Learning to conjure happiness is all it takes.

"How do you conjure it?" you ask.

I'll get to that. But first, let's spend some time exploring why being happy first gets you all you want.

^^Happiness is the key. It’s more than just an emotion. (photo: Artem Bali)

Happy matters...a lot

What if you had two options:

Option A:

Go to gay bars, deal with trolls and gold digging transgender women, men on the DL and transgender women that haven’t figured themselves out. Or join online dating sites, sift through all kinds of men totally clueless about what it means to be transgender, or transgender women who are only looking for six pack abs, young guys, and “straight men”. You kiss a lot of toads, remain single and struggling, despondent and sad until, some time later....through all kinds of trials and struggles...you find him or her or them.

Whether it’s a relationship or a job or a place to live or love many people default to option A.

Option A gives you great stories to tell. "War wounds" galore. Maybe your marriage failed along the way if you’re trans-attracted and married. Or you got disowned from your family if you’re transgender. Maybe you got your heart broken by that guy who turned out to be married. Or that transgender woman who really didn’t know what she wanted, but realized not you.

There are tons of people out there who will commiserate. Hey, you made it! You found love! And I feel you girl! It’s not easy!

Maybe you're happy. Maybe you're satisfied. Maybe?

Sure you might be in relationship now. But you might not be. And if you are, you might lose it. A lot of people who find love lose it. In wake of that, they’re bitter, depressed, lonely and heart-broken.

That's not happiness.

Option B:

Be happy first. Learn to tell the right storiesso you can feel your tendencies. Then learn to follow them.

This way, happiness comes in two or three minutes instead of after you finally find that relationship. At that point, you have what you want: you're happy. After all, that’s why you want that relationship or whatever. You think it will make you happy.

That kind of happiness is Option A. In Option B you get that relationship too.  It comes far easier, and, through the entire way you’re already happy. But it doesn't end there.

The right people, the right timing, the right jobs, the right events, the right places to live, the right amount of money...all these things come with little effort on your part. Day after day, what you want starts happening.

You're getting what you're wanting. What’s more, happiness replaces struggle, stress and anxiety.

Along the way, your connection to that larger you grows. You lose fears, including the fear of death. Anxiety goes away. What others think worries you less. You realize you're eternal. Life becomes fun. And happiness becomes permanent.

To me, the choice is clear.

Option B happens exactly like this. Here's why that is, and why happiness matters.

^^Photo: Hans Vivek

Happiness more than an emotion. It serves a critical purpose. It tells you when got your stories right.

Telling the right stories connects you with your larger self. The part of you you project yourself from into physical reality. You're "here" on earth. But you're also "there" in the timeless, spacious present of the now.

The moment you decide you want something, you have it in the spacious present. But you don't get what you want in physical reality as quickly. Why? Because things happen slower here. That's a good thing.

How many times have you said, for example, something like "I wish that jerk would die, he’s such a dick!" or "I wish I never married my wife. She’s such a bitch!" or "I wish you were never born"?

It's a good thing you don’t immediately get what you want. Your life would be crazier than it is.

Things don't have to happen as slow as they do though. They can happen faster. What's slowing them up? I'm going to tell you.

^^Your life experience composes a constellation of events all shaped by your stories. (Photo: Frederik de Wit)

You have access to great power. It knows all potential outcomes. It knows All That Is. It knows everything you want. It has everything you want. It knows how you can have all you want.

What would that part of you feel? If it has everything you want, wouldn't it be happy, excited, free, joyful and fulfilled, eager and blissful?

Of course it would.

Well that power you have access is you. So is the you here on Earth. When you’re feeling happy, excited, free, joyful and fulfilled, you see the world the same way your power sees it. Seeing the world that way tunes you to your power. That’s why when you do tune in you feel all these positive emotions. Including happiness.

Your power is intelligent. It also loves you. It wants you to have everything it has. It’s always sending you messages that, if followed, lead you to everything your power has...which is all you can have.

When you're in tune, you're able to hear those messages. They feel like intuition, or hunches.

That you can feel happiness (or not happy) is how you tell if you're tuned to your power. When you're happy, you're in tune. When you're not, you're not in tune. It’s that simple.

The less in tune you are, the less you can hear your messages. Life is harder when you can’t hear your messages. That's why being happy first is so important. It tells you when the communication channel between you and you is open. And when it is open, you’re lead to all you want.

So happiness must be something you can conjure at will. Otherwise you couldn’t hear what you’re sending.

So, back to the question: "how do you conjure happiness"?

The answer: by learning to think deliberately. So “thinking” is important?

Not only is thinking important, how you think is important too.

Yet hardly anyone teaches “how to think" in school or anywhere else.

You can learn how to think critically. Or how to think like an engineer. Or a lawyer. That instruction teaches how to be productive in a given field.

But hardly anyone teaches how to think so you can be happy in life.

I’m going to teach you right now.

Think your way to happiness

^^ Photo: Aaron Huber

Usually people think happiness happens when something they want happens.

I get a new car. I'm happy!

I get a job. I'm happy!

I had a great time last night. I was happy!

When I meet the guy of my dreams, I'll be happy!

Happiness does happen that way. But only when people don't know what you're reading.

As I wrote above, happiness can be a permanent condition. It's actually supposed to be that way. Meaning, it can happen in sucky situations too.

It all depends on how you think. Not what is happening.

Let's say you're on a blind date. The person you’re out with turned out to be nothing like what you want. Or maybe you’re buying a coffee and someone misgenders you. Or you’re trans-attracted and worried your wife is going to find your YouTube or PornTube History.

Your irritation, frustration, disappointment, anger or fear or dread is not happiness.  That means you're not tuned into your power. You're not deliberately thinking.

But you can be tuned in. And you canbe happy now, even though you’re with someone you see no potential in or you’re being misgendered, or you’re worried about your spouse discovering your trans-attraction.

How?

Think of something positive long enough until happiness shows up.

It's that simple.

So you're on your date. The person you’re with is not at all your type. You feel negative or disgusted. You’re thinking “why am I wasting my time here?” or complaining about how this person looks or something like that.

Let’s say you’ve been misgendered. Immediately you’re angry. You may not know it, but maybe you’re thinking “how could this happen again!” “I can’t believe this is happening!” “How dare she/he” or, “OMG! What are people thinking right now! How embarrassing!"

Or perhaps you’re worried about your wife finding out your trans-attracted. You’re fearful, insecure, anxious and always looking around your shoulder. You’re thinking “Oh god, what happens if she wants to divorce me?” “What if she finds out I’ve been having sex with escorts?” “What if our son finds out?” “What will she do to me?”.

Blind date, the coffee shop, your marriage. These are stories you’re telling about the situation. That’s all they are. They are not the truth, they are just a story. So here is how to be happy, even in these three circumstances.

First, turn your attention to something that pleases you in the moment.  The clothes you're wearing, for example. Perhaps they are some of your favorite clothes. Think about how much you like those clothes. How well they fit, how good you look in them. Think about the compliment you got on the bus on the way to work, or how good you looked in the mirror.

It would go like this:

I really like how I look in this

I like how I feel in this

These clothes make me look (hot, professional, skinny, feminine, etc)

I look (hot, professional, skinny, etc)

I like looking (hot, professional, skinny, etc)

I like feeling (hot, professional, skinny, etc)

You could think about your best friend, or someone else you know you really care about. Think about how much you like that person. Think about how much you like talking with them, how they make you laugh maybe. Think specific thoughts about them similar to the ones above:

I'm so glad so-and-so is in my life

I'm eager to see this person again

It was cool so-and-so called me last night

I’m glad I can rely on him/her/them

I like having them in my life.

Maybe you really like the way you have recently reorganized your home. Think about how much you like your space now. Think about how good that feels to you. Think about how good it feels to you to turn a messy space into an organized one. Think specific thoughts about it like the ones above:

I really like being organized

I like having everything in their place

It feels good to be organized

I feel best when my space is ordered

It’s nice to see clutter turn to order

Your thinking doesn't have to be monumental. It doesn’t have to be about your current situation either. It only needs to trigger positive feelings. How and why this happens is too detailed for this piece. I'll describe the mechanics another time.

^^ Photo: Oleg Ivanov

While thinking these thoughts, pay attention to your feelings. First you’ll be feeling what you originally felt, disappointment, anger or fear or embarrassment or worry.

But as you think on purpose, you'll feel different. You might feel a less negative emotion first. For example, your embarrassment might turn into pessimism or your frustration might turn into mild annoyance. This is progress.

Keep thinking on purpose and you’ll find yourself feeling relief. Then positive feelings like optimism, hopefulness and...eventually happiness. If you can keep going you might realize yourself feeling enjoyment about your date, or you not caring about what the barista did. Or you may feel love and compassion about your wife instead of anxiety over her discovering your trans-attraction.

Now you’re having a totally different experience than you were having before. If you’re on a date, you might actually start enjoying the date, even though you may not see any future with the person. If you’re in the coffee shop, you might find presence of mind to make the experience a teaching moment for the barista. If you’re at home, you might feel an overwhelming sense to do something to resolve the situation. Like tell her. Or search for a way to tell her.

^^A married transamorous man’s message to us here at The Transamorous Network.

So the key is to turn your attention to something other than what you’re thinking about. Something more positive than what you’re thinking about right now. You’ll find your feelings will change too. Keep it up and your experience will change too as your mood improves.

The moment you notice your mood improve, turn your thinking to that. Acknowledge what you just did. You changed how you're feeling without changing your situation. Note how much better you're feeling. It feels better than you felt just a few moments ago. Congratulate yourself. Say, "Wow, in just a few seconds, I changed my experience from X (negative emotion) to Y (better feelings). That's pretty neat!" Come up with five or six other thoughts:

This is new and exciting.

Hmm, I like how this feels

I like that I can do this.

I feel a whole lot better

Wow, now I'm feeling even better!

In a few thoughts, you'll find yourself thinking different, but related, thoughts:

I wonder how far this can go?

Could it be this easy?

This is actually kind of fun!

I’m glad I tried this!

As you stay on that track, you might feel or hear your thoughts change. Notice them change to other pleasing things. For example, you might find yourself thinking about the sex you had last night. Focus on that and you'll find yourself feeling other...er...sensations 😀.

Keep it up and your feelings will get increasingly positive. And yet, your conditions still haven't changed. You’re still on a blind date that hasn’t changed. Or you’re still in the coffee shop. Or you’re still married to a cis-woman.

Practice with obvious things until you're good at it.  Maybe you like how you look. Or you like some talent you have. Maybe you like a particular television show. Or you like a particular person. Practice with those.

Then move to less obvious topics:

Think about how cool it is that you woke up today.

Or that your body functions mostly without your attention.

Or that you really like the color of your room.

Or that the sun comes up every day

Or that there is plenty of air to breathe

So now you changed your reality. You were feeling negative, or sad, or embarrassed or anxious. Your life experience reflected that: a boring date you’d prefer to escape; a close-minded barista who said something negative;  a marriage you’ve outgrown. Now you’re happy or close to it. You've also created a new physical reality. Your positive emotions come with physical experiences. A smile on your face, a stirring in your loins maybe, a lighter disposition. You may even see the difference.

There are changes happening you can't see too. Not at first. Your entire life experience is changing. It is tuning into experiences leading to what you're wanting. Not just one of those things either. All of them.

Your blind date may suddenly say something that interests you or makes you laugh. Or the barista may apologize, not intending to slip with the wrong pronoun, or someone may correct the barista for you. Or you might find some resources to help you navigate through your marriage, or your wife may approach you and say something out of left field like “I love you no matter what, you know that?” in response to her deep knowing already that you’re trans-attracted.

In other words, you're not doing this to just feel good. Your life experience is changing. You’re also doing this to feel messages your broader perspective constantly sends you.  This is where your impulses come in.

^^Photo: Tim Foster

As you gain more thinking skill something else happens: You get an impulse to do something. It will be subtle. It will be more feeling than words. It might feel like "go to the bathroom", for example.

Let's say that's it. You’re in the coffee shop. You’ve changed your thoughts. Then, you get the sense to go to the bathroom. You may not have the biological urge to go. So it may make no logical sense. But when you get it, go.

When you do, when you come out, you might bump into someone you were thinking about. Or you might get a text or call from someone you know. Or a call from someone you've been wanting to hear from. Coming out of the bathroom, you might run into a co-worker who says, "I was just thinking about you." and offer you something unexpected and surprising.

When that happens, you've gotten exactly what I described in the beginning of this post: Things happening with little effort on your part. The only action you took was changing what you’re thinking about and following your impulse to go to the bathroom.

This is Option B brought to life.

You want to practice this until you do it automatically. In the same way you think now. Look at your thoughts. They probably come and go on their own.

That's practiced. You're not thinking on purpose. That can change.

The more you practice, the more you’ll get “hunches” or "impulses". Of course, as you practice, you'll get what look like false impulses. You’ll take action and it will seem nothing beneficial happened. These are actually true though. Something beneficial did happen.

For example, say you went to the bathroom and nothing happened. But something did happen. Feel, then act. Notice how you’re feeling and thinking. You might be thinking “this was dumb”, or “I look like an idiot”.

Those thoughts are telling you something. They are saying “you think what people think about you is more important than getting what you want”.

Why else would you care about how you look to other people? Embarrassment is an emotion triggered by this belief. If you’re feeling embarrassment or stupid, you’ve cut off communication between you and you.

Now hear this: You wouldn’t have known this thought is keeping you from hearing your messages if “nothing happened”, right? So something happened: you got clear about something you needed to know to get what you want.

So when you feel an impulse after tuning into your power, either:

A. Take action immediately. Go talk to that person, go to the bathroom, take a nap or whatever. Then see what happens. If something happens that feels like nothing, for now you have to take on faith that something did happen. In time, you’ll become more aware of what’s happening.

B. Wait. Take no action until the feeling to act is so persistent you must follow it. THEN act as in point A above.

At first, you might have a hard time feeling impulses. Getting used to telling the difference between an impulse and a random thought takes practice.

^^Mindfulness, i.e. paying attention will allow permanent happiness. (Photo: Lesly Juarez)

Still, can you see how this practice turns your life into an amazing adventure?

At first, you'll get a lot of "false" results. But those "false" results aren't false. You just can’t yet understand how they aren’t.

Keep going though and life fills in with subjects and interests and people matching your passions, skills, strengths and desires. You also learn how to see things working out for you more easily.

Eventually you’re following your tendencies regularly. And they are leading you to all you're wanting.

But...

Doing this process once or twice it's not enough. You'll feel good for a moment. But your old habits (automatic thinking) will return. This is why people who try these things end up failing. They don't apply themselves enough.

Want to get everything you want and live happily ever after? Repeat these steps over and over. For how long? Until thinking this way is as natural as the way you think now.

Then through telling these new stories you’ll come into your power.

And thenyou have it all, including lasting happiness.

#transgender #transgender rights #transgirl #M2F #mtf #transgendermtf #transamorous #transattraction #transwomen #Trans girls #girlslikeus #Tgirl #transisbeautiful #LGBTQIA

[bliphany]

(cw: rant because i really don’t understand Harold-hate.)

I hope people stop calling Harold Finch a dick or claiming that he doesn’t care about people because he decided to separate the relevant and irrelevant lists and programmed the Machine to delete the latter.

This always reminded me of all those times when my friends and I were on the street for a protest or petition and some people passing by would yell at us calling us selfish bitches because we dared to say we cared about A but didn’t also mention B C D E F no matter if those were in the same topic or field or beyond our limitations since we said we cared but failed to care about everything happened in this country or on this planet we were clearly hypocrites.

Back to the context of Finch’s choice. That was an American government’s project aiming to prevent events like the 911. The feeds were from the government. They just needed a machine to process and make the prediction. So to build the machine the creator - if they EVEN care - had to balance between two things. To achieve the aim while to make sure some lines are not going to be crossed too much. The government’s feeds meant useful information but also people’s privacy. If they let people know about they were being watched the government would have to shut the program down. Hence they would fail to achieve the first aim which was also the project’s only aim.

If Finch didn’t separate the two lists, the Machine aka the Northern Light wouldn’t be functional in the first place. The government would then buy someone else’s machine who might not even care about the privacy thing and would make it an open system so the government could track ANYONE they wanted no matter which purpose the government had.

Deleting the irrelevant list was a move that definitely caused sentimental reactions we can see it from Nathan and the audience. A move that later Finch also considered a “Mistake” of his when he had to witness his best friend’s death. And then he did what he could to live with the mistake while trying to do something about it. But it didn’t mean it was “Wrong.”

Making a mistake doesn’t make you a bad person. Making a mistake doesn’t automatically prove what value you had in mind while making the decision is wrong. It only means the way you choose to face the consequences speaks your character as a human. We all make mistakes caused by the right decisions/mindsets. That’s where the value of humanity lies. And judging people by the outcomes of their decisions despite the contexts and situations and the reality is, sorry I really have to say, utterly and upsettingly utilitarianism, by which I mean it really rings the “I adore you BECAUSE everything you do is perfect you’re good at everything you never makes a mistake you’re not a human you’re perfect that’s why I love you.”

And even the Machine made mistakes. And who are we to decide a person’s value by judging how perfect they are or how many mistakes they’ve made even when they caused those because of sensible decisions but no because the outcome was bad “they should have known better or I hate them.” It rings the opposite of the show’s value. Not a machine learned to love like humans. But that “humans can only be loved when they’re such a flawless, perfect machine.”

A person who makes no mistake and hence claiming they’re perfect or the smartest of us all is actually someone never cares enough to act.

And I don’t even mention that most of the time when a story is highly plot-driven of course characters’ good intentions always turn bad to serve the plot because that is a trope?????? In stories, there’s always a dynamic balance between characters and the plot and sometimes to benefit one the writer has to compromise the other a bit but as long as it isn’t overwhelmingly biased that is good writing. And to hate a character for a writing choice is really too hard for me to understand. It was like when I was a kid, and my friend claimed she hated Sherlock Holmes he was such an asshole, and I was curious and asked which story she read, and she told me oh that one with Arsene Lupin and I was like????? But it was a story written by Maurice Leblanc??? And it was natural that he wanted to show how good his own character was??? And if the plot was set like that and you judged a character’s value and personality by that one material??? But no, I failed to convince her because since writers wrote a certain character in a certain way then no matter who the writer was which purpose the plot was serving and which pov the story was written in, what was shown on papers must be the only truth.

Sorry back to the subject. Nathan’s reaction was relatable, and I love to see it as pure goodness in humanity. But that still didn’t make Finch a dick because on the spectrum between sensible and sentimental Finch was closer to the sensible end than Nathan. It only made them two different characters who were relatable in different ways. A thing they might consider to do at that time was to hand the irrelevant list to the police department. WELL BUT COULD THEY REALLY? The American government only wanted a machine to prevent another 911. And giving the list to anyone would harm the privacy dilemma discussed earlier.

Nathan decided to save people one at a time was a noble act. That still didn’t make the choice of deleting it cruel. We might donate our time and money to help a nearby neighborhood/location/country damaged in an earthquake, we probably won’t and can’t do it beyond a certain scale. We help the world by helping whom our road crossed with in our lives. That’s called being a kind person. That’s called a realistic way to improve the world to become better.

And there was no evidence in the show that showed Harold Finch didn’t give a fuck about people’s lives when their roads crossed. Back before the ferry accident, he tried to talk Nathan out of the thing he planned to do because it would get Nathan himself killed in the end. Although he didn’t approve, he went to meet Nathan to face the thing together because he cared and tried to help him. After then, also with his own character arc but really I don’t think his character changed to a totally opposite it was more like since he now chose this full time helping numbers life he allocated more time and energy into this field. He asked John and Shaw to bring Root with them so she’d not be killed. He confesses he built the machine so Collier would kill him and not someone else. He argued if it was necessary when John went to help Riley because John as a friend was closer to him than Riley who had just shot John at the moment. The fact that he wanted anyone harmed Grace to be killed was on the revenge topic so I won’t go into that here, but it still aligned to the traits we humans have, that we care about those who are friends/families/closer to us.

But really, time and time again in fanfictions we wrote about how in the heat of the moment John chose to protect Harold over someone else. Or time and time again people in the fandom adored shoot relationship saying how Root came to care about few people over the rest of humanity or saying how beautiful it was when Shaw avenged Root. Deleting the list was the same thing. It’s called priority and the only one doesn’t need to consider priority is God because they have no limitations and can be everywhere at the same time. Deleting the list didn’t equal to killing people. It meant those who might have died in another 911 would be saved. Before the Machine those killed in an attack and those victims on the irrelevant list would just all die. The Machine Finch and Nathan worked together to bring to the world, its aim was to save those would have been dead in an attack. That’s the meaning when he said “save everyone not someone.” And the priority here felt cruel wasn’t because the one who called the decision was evil. It was because he was not God and the fact humans have limitations IS CRUEL. Just like John couldn’t save Jessica when he was on the other side of the planet. Just like if you only got one shot you can only choose to save a person. Just like every character in the show had to choose between this and that. And we called it beautiful because while it showed limitations it also showed connections.

But somehow Harold Finch was not allowed. He was not allowed to be a human. He was not allowed to be a decent and reasonable person by considering “I really want to do something to help my country and people but given my ability and life plans/choices and resources I picked this specific project I wanted to devote to.” He was not allowed to make mistakes. He was not worthy of love and acceptance and forgiveness even when everything he did all had good and sensible reasons. We said that Harold had hubris issue and god-complex which I agree. But this specific kind of Harold-hate hates him because he was a human and he had to choose or he couldn’t finish the Machine in the first place was actually expecting him to be a god. He was expected to have no limitations. He was expected to save every single person on the planet if he did half way omg what a dick. He was expected to devote and lose everything if he even dared to do a thing to save people in the world. (Which he did, btw)

By hating Finch for being a limited human who just tried to do a thing to help his country which he also succeed was in fact giving his an un achievable standard. It rings so many bad memories like “if you can’t convince me that you also care about B C D E F or you fail to do A to 100% you’re such a lame activist you don’t really care about this world.”

And yes “everyone is relevant to someone.” I love this line, too. And I adore how the writer did the delicate “replacing and advancing the meaning behind a word to charge emotional effects” and probably they did it too well it seems people really believe that Harold Finch used to believe some people were “irrelevant” so apparently he was a dick and didn’t care about humanity, unlike Nathan. But No? Friendly reminder that the full sentence/context of “relevant and irrelevant lists” is actually “relevant and irrelevant to terrorist attacks”?????

And yes about the opening theme. I laughed at Harold after I knew it was him who separated the two lists and deleted one of them, too. The funny part is seeing how in the tv show writing and prompting process sometimes the writer will give something for them can tell/sell a story first but after a while, some things might conflict each other a bit. It’s like the writer might just put some hint as a foreshadow and if in the later episode there’s a chance to pick it up and develop then nice but if by some reason maybe the actor’s scheduled or there’s some plot change then the hint will remain an unexplained detail or even a tiny plot hole but as far as it’s tiny it’s fine. And the show introduced the whole world setting by introducing Finch who at first functioned as not only a character but also a device to tell us/the main character aka John everything the writer wanted us to know at the moment so we could enjoy the story. And when the story just began and there were only two main casts to make the fictional world work it was entirely workable to instead of giving us the simplified but informative enough opening they let Finch say “I build it and actually it was me who separated the lists because brah brah brah and it backfired and I wanted to live with that, so I need a partner.” In this way, the show would be so appealing.

Idk just... I don’t like a bunch of characters for so many different reasons, but I try to separate which ones are the character’s personalities and flaws and weaknesses and which ones are byproducts of a writing choice so that the plot will continue.

:(((

#rant #long post #harold finch #person of interest #my poi meta

[thethespacecoyote]

“Fondness Makes the Absence Longer”

So when Jack had teased Rhys about his inability to handle a weapon during a tour of the prototype testing range, he should have anticipated the outcome, and to a degree he did—he knew Rhys would pout and complain and cross his arms like he did when Jack pushed him a little too far—but he hadn’t quite expected Rhys to go further, to take a new shock pistol from the hands of one of the testers and march towards the range with an angry glare of determination in his eyes.

In retrospect, Jack regretted letting Rhys go through with it, but at the time he’d found it funny—part of him even interested to see if Rhys could defy expectations and pull off a proper shot. So he’d stood off behind the plexiglass barrier, arms crossed and eyebrows cocked in amusement. 

Which gave him a perfect view of the moment the pistol exploded in Rhys’ hand. 

I was in the mood to write some indulgent hurt comfort and I always enjoy ideas of Rhys shorting out or damaging his cybernetics and having to deal with the aftermath. That’s basically all there is here...enjoy?

Rhys was far too stubborn for his own good.

Jack was sure that, given the chance, Rhys would say the same thing about him. They were really quite the pair, they were, each unwilling to let go of their own respective egos even if it meant risking the welfare of their relationship—or their bodies and minds for that matter.

So when Jack had teased Rhys about his inability to handle a weapon during a tour of the prototype testing range, he should have anticipated the outcome, and to a degree he did—he knew Rhys would pout and complain and cross his arms like he did when Jack pushed him a little too far—but he hadn’t quite expected Rhys to go further, to take a new shock pistol from the hands of one of the testers and march towards the range with an angry glare of determination in his eyes.

In retrospect, Jack regretted letting Rhys go through with it, but at the time he’d found it funny—part of him even interested to see if Rhys could defy expectations and pull off a proper shot. So he’d stood off behind the plexiglass barrier, arms crossed and eyebrows cocked in amusement.

Which gave him a perfect view of the moment the pistol exploded in Rhys’ hand.

Once the flash of electricity had finished burning into Jack’s retinas he raced to his boyfriend’s side just as Rhys hit the ground, kicked back and left jittering from the burst. Jack skidded to his knees, Rhys’ name already hoarse in his throat as his hands wavered over his boyfriend’s body, unsure where to touch or if he even should. Rhys’ eyes were wide open but his ECHO lay flat and static. Foul-smelling smoke filled Jack’s nose, and his panic he could hardly tell whether it was mechanical or organic in origin.

Shock damage was deadly enough to people who weren’t half metal, and considering Rhys’ cyborg status Jack justified the angry roars and threats he hailed upon the medical team as they desperately tried to stabilize Rhys’ heart rate enough to properly move him. He had half the mind to strangle the entire development team with his bare hands, but with Rhys quickly ushered out of the department on a gurney, he had little time for anything but a couple threats and mimed acts of violence.

That would have to do for now.

The medical bay smelled. The scent of antiseptic nearly scorched his nostrils as he raced behind the first responders. Usually, Jack detested it, but this time it was almost welcome—it distracted from the lingering, burnt ozone that steamed off of Rhys’ body, drifting behind him as his gurney was skated down the hallway towards the emergency room.

Thankfully, Rhys’ heart rate kept steady as he was plugged into the sleek machines lining the bed. Jack watched grimly over the shoulders of the doctors—no one dared asked him to leave—as Rhys’ singed shirt and vest were cut off his body, showing off the extent of the damage to his skin. Forked patterns of burns cut angry and bubbling and red over formerly pristine skin, blistering nude and tattooed flesh alike. Rhys’ lips were bright red, his teeth stained with blood, like he’d bitten right through.

In the end, Jack torn his eyes away not thanks to any interference on part of the medical team, but because he couldn’t bear to look at Rhys’ burnt, limp body a moment longer. He let himself be lead away to the waiting room, where any patients were sure to give him a wide berth.

Jack knew Rhys would live, deep down. Jack believed in the power he held over everyone on Helios, the constant threat of death hanging over the necks of anyone who might disappoint him ensuring the medical team would push themselves to the brink of their human limits before letting Rhys die.

But even the knowledge, the confidence in himself and his mystique, couldn’t quell the anxious doubt curling sick and heavy in his stomach as he sat in the chair in the waiting room, fingers tented between his knees as he stared straight ahead.

Just when the smell of smoking flesh had started to dissipate from his system the doctor emerged from the room Rhys’d been wheeled into. Jack appreciated her lack of cloying sympathy as she summoned him back through the door and to Rhys’ bed, where he yanked up a chair and assumed more or less the same position as he looked his boyfriend’s still form up and down before falling to rest on his shoulder.

They’d taken off his arm, leaving an empty socket Jack had never seen before. As far as he knew, Rhys wasn’t able to remove his cybernetics on his own. At least Jack had never witnessed them come off. He lifted his hand, wanting to touch, but after a moment’s thought on the indiscretion re-laces it back with his other hand. Most of the places he felt like stroking were covered with blankets or shrouded in bandages with the exception of Rhys’ face, but the skin there was so pale and fragile that he felt almost afraid to touch it.

The doctor said nothing when Jack started awake, a string of drool connecting his loose lips with the damp spot on the edge of Rhys’ bed as he sat up. He grunted and scrubbed his hand over his mouth, trying to recapture his menace as she rounded to the other side of the bed to check Rhys’ vitals. They pumped along steadily, beeping in time with the reedy rise and fall of Rhys’ chest.

He looked little better than he had when Jack had fallen asleep—whenever that had been, he couldn’t recall—but his cheeks at least had recouped their pinkish hue, general pallor far more lively. Jack breathed out a fraction of the tension in his chest, finally judging it safe enough to rest his hand against Rhys’ face.

“We’re lucky he was holding the weapon with his cybernetic,” the doctor murmured as Jack brushed his hand through Rhys’ hair, letting the strands fall soft against his forehead. “As much as it facilitated the electrical charge, it prevented major damage to his flesh hand that would have been far more difficult to repair.”

Jack got it. Better to fuse your robot arm together than blow your fingers apart. Good as Hyperion’s healing tech was, digits were notoriously tricky and Rhys would’ve probably never been the same.

Small blessings.

“We can replace the cybernetic. The latest model has just gone through its final testing. It should be ready in a few weeks, just in time with his recovery, provided there are no complications.”

She showed him specs for the new arm on her tablet. Jack vaguely remembered signing off on the design a few months ago. It was far sleeker and slimmer than the fairly boxy model Rhys had been sporting up until a couple hours ago. Several moments since seeing the prototype for the first time he’d thought to bring the subject of swapping up to Rhys, but hadn’t done so just yet.

“Guess you were due for an upgrade anyway, huh babe?” Jack parted the hair off of Rhys’ forehead, missing the usual slicked back do. Rhys looked too boyish like this, too vulnerable. He pushed the hair up and back and brushed his lips just between Rhys’ brows.  

Rhys’ physical wounds healed quickly. It wasn’t the first time Jack had been grateful for Hyperion’s recent long strides in medical tech, and considering their twin track records, it probably wouldn’t be the last. Within the week Rhys had been approved for discharge—four days prior, he’d been able to sit up and take solid food and endure Jack’s atypically light ribbing about the accident. The blistering burns quickly faded into scars as the bandages came away less and less stained by each changing, and Jack’s hope for an rapid recovery within the following week back home stayed high.

However, physical wounds were the least of his and Rhys’ worries, as the crackling scars left by the electricity across his chest and collar disturbed Rhys far less than the absence of his arm.

It lingered, the most damaging impact of the accident as Rhys’ recovery trudged on. While the ECHOeye too had been injured, he could still use it for rudimentary sight once his subsystems had been reset. The arm served no comparable practical purpose in its complete absence.

The engineer who’d tended to Rhys’ fried system had made no bones about it when Rhys had asked—the arm was unsalvageable, already disposed of, and Rhys would have to wait until the new one could be properly approved for installation. And that surgery would have to wait until Rhys had completely recovered from his ordeal and—Jack had gotten the picture. They were going to have to wait awhile before Rhys was back up to one-hundred percent like he’d been before the accident.

Jack could wait, but that wasn’t the problem. He wasn’t the one suddenly without one of their limbs. He wasn’t the one quiet touching the empty stump when he thought no one else in the room was looking with a distant look of pain far beyond the healing burns on his face.

Jack had never asked the exact nature of the arm, and aside from a brief paragraph in Rhys’ employee file and the attached medical records, he knew very little about the process that’d been involved in obtaining it. It must have been a bit of a hell, considering the hack-job cybernetics Jack had seen on mercenaries and hired hands, but he didn’t know.

And not knowing bugged him, especially when Rhys was unhappy.

The first day back home was routine enough. Rhys spent most of it laying in bed, still drained from his stay in the hospital. Jack spent most of his time pacing, running a circuit that started at the edge of Rhys’ bed, where he would brush his hand against his forehead or hover above the bandaged stump, and gradually progressed through the living room and into the kitchen for a beer or a snack or something to cook.

Jack had lately taken to poaching eggs when he was stressed. Which was well and good when Rhys was awake and hungry and prepared to help Jack demolish a plate of wiggly little morsels, but as it was Jack threw them in a container in the fridge where they would undeniably get rubbery and disappointing before Rhys was awake enough to taste them. Then it was back through the living room—maybe with a stop to see if any good programs were on—and again into the bedroom where he perched against Rhys’ bed and went right back to watching like nothing had happened.

The first day back was boring. But Jack almost missed the quiet when Rhys started to insist he could walk and go about the space station by himself.

The first fight had come when Jack had vetoed Rhys desire to go down to the Hub to stretch his legs and introduced the ultimatum he’d been stewing on since bringing him back—Rhys wasn’t to leave the house until the engineers finished the new arm and reattached it back on his body.

Rhys had fumed. He’d put on his best angry pout and shouted at Jack as much as his ragged throat could manage. Jack understood the kid’s frustrations—big as his penthouse was, it couldn’t compete with the endless square mileage Helios offered—but seeing Rhys already struggling, being down one arm, made him nervous. He wasn’t about to trust the kid’s welfare to the cutthroat masses always bidding for a means to rise to the top. They could smell vulnerability in the water like blood and viciously fed upon rumors. Jack felt justified exercising a little excessive vigilance.

Rhys, clearly, felt different. But Jack was adamant. What’s more, Rhys couldn’t go anywhere with Jack’s fingerprints all over the entrance door’s security coding. And—it felt cruel to say—but Rhys couldn’t exactly circumvent those without his eye or arm.

It was cruel. And Rhys’ eyes had narrowed and he’d spat in anger at Jack before whirling off to their bedroom, slamming the door shut behind him so violently that one of Jack’s portraits nearly shook off its nail. When Jack had slipped into the room later on—ostensibly to use the main bathroom—he’d seen a Rhys-sized lump of comforters on the bed, shaking occasionally with a groan of emotion too muffled to pinpoint.

Rhys spent the next couple of days in much the same state. When he wasn’t curled in bed, the heaviness of his steps echoed his annoyance as he tramped about the penthouse, trying to find something to distract himself from the boredom of being cooped up. Jack stayed mostly out of his way with limited success—sometimes literally. Rhys walked strange without his arm, moving in a winding path rather than walking a straight line, and often bumped into Jack with an affronted hiss. Rhys would stiffen as Jack tried to grab him and steady him, pushing the man with his left hand and moving on his way with a grumble.

The atmosphere inside the penthouse tensed whenever he and Rhys occupied the same space, even as Jack fervently tried to ignore it. Despite his best efforts, though, everything came to a head on the third day, when Rhys tried to grab a glass while shifting a plate laden with leftover pasta and chopped egg, again forgetting he was down one hand.

A moment later, the young man’s angry screech cut through the shattering of the plate.  

“God fucking damn it!”

Both noises had Jack jolting up from the couch where he’d sat down to get out of Rhys’ way as the young man struggled to prepare lunch, though he paused in the doorway when he saw the marinara sauce and noodles sprayed out over the floor like a murder scene.

Rhys slammed the empty glass down on the counter so hard Jack swore it cracked before sliding his fingers into his hair and tugging it in frustration.

“This is so stupid!” He cried as his tailbone bumped into the cabinets, back sliding down until he was curled up in a little ball stewing on the floor.

Jack sighed, stepping over the shattered plate and splattered food until he got to Rhys’ side. He crouched down next to his boyfriend only for Rhys to curl in on himself further, the action slightly hampered by his long legs.

“Hey,” Jack whispered, rubbing Rhys’ knee, “accidents happen, kiddo.”

He heard a tight puff of air blow from inside the little ball, followed by a tired, grim chuckle. Jack kept rubbing Rhys’ knee, trailing down his calf and back up, until he finally tilted up his head. Rhys’ face was ruddy and twitching, just barely able to hold back the tears swimming in his eyes. He growled and scrubbed his hand over his eyes, looking glumly down between his legs at his bare feet.

“It’s stupid. I can’t believe I forgot. What kind of person forgets they don’t actually have an arm?”

“Maybe the kind of guy who’s been using a prosthetic for more than a few years now? You’re gonna have to cut yourself a little slack here, sweetheart.”

Rhys snorted, as if the idea was ridiculous. Jack frowned, patting his shin to get him to budge even as he rooted in reproach.

“C’mon. The floor can’t be too comfortable. And Dr. Nova will get all pissy at me if she knows I’m letting her precious patient sit on the floor and not in bed like he’s supposed to be.”

Rhys propped his chin up against his knee, a tired sigh whistling between his teeth. He stayed put.

“You won’t let me just curl up and be mad at myself, huh?”

“Nope.” Jack popped the word on his tongue as he brought his face close to Rhys’ own, the kid’s expression screwed up and puzzled.

“Aren’t you? It’s my fault I lost my arm in the first place and have to sit around here bugging the fuck out of you.”

“Watch the language,” Jack murmured placidly as he brushed Rhys’ hair out of his eyes and back over his head. It tumbled without the help of the gel, cascading sideways. Still kind of cute, though. “Why do you think I’m mad at you?”

“I…” Rhys frowned at himself. “I just figured…”

“I mean you’ve been kind of a brat the past few days, yeah. But I’m not gonna act like I don’t know why.”

Jack saw Rhys’ fingers, formerly tucked close to his ribs, drift up to brush against the empty socket just barely visible below his shirt sleeve.

“There’s just something about having a badass robot arm that makes you think you’re invincible…” Rhys sniffed, fiddling with his sleeve.

“You know the whole explosion thing was one-hundred percent the dev team’s fault, right?C’mon. It’s not like you knew it would blow up.”

“Honestly, I was thinking totally missing and having you never let me live it down would be the worst case scenario,” Rhys chuckled, nuzzling his nose against his knees. “I didn’t think the damn thing would explode.”

“I don’t think either of us expected that.” Jack joined him in the weak chuckle. “Not even the dev team. Pretty sure they thought I was gonna kill them.”

“Didn’t you?”

Jack paused a moment in thought.

“You know…I don’t think I’ve gotten around to that.” He swirled his finger in the air. “It’s on my list.”

Rhys’ shoulders relaxed, earlier frustration and anger unwound slightly from his crouched form. Encouraged, Jack rubbed his hand down to the back of Rhys’ neck, where it stayed. His thumb softly rubbed the tendon that stuck out of Rhys’ throat as he swallowed.

“C’mon. Let’s get you into bed, ‘kay?”

Rhys snuffled.

“I don’t think I really deserve the bed.”

Jack put his other hand on his hips in faux resignation.

“Hmmph. Well, then I’m guess I’m just gonna have to drag you on over there.”

“What—?” Rhys started just as Jack wormed his arms around Rhys’ waist and hoisted him up, gravity quickly forcing him to untangle his legs as Jack grunted and squatted and rose to his full height. Rhys gasped, kicking out awkwardly in reflex, though Jack held firm.

“Wow,” Jack hummed as he righted Rhys in front of him, holding the young man a couple of inches off the ground, “without that arm you’re….you’re real light.” It hadn’t even occurred to Jack that the arm contributed any meaningful amount of bulk to Rhys’ frame, but he couldn’t look past the fact that previously he’d barely been able to budge his boyfriend off his feet. His own shoulders twinged with sympathy.

Rhys squirmed, hands braced against the arms wrapped tightly about his waist. His stomach quivered in a contained giggle as Jack’s fingers brushed up against his sides.

“Can you not, please? Let me down!”

“Easy, I was just getting to that.” Jack lowered Rhys slightly, shifting him as he felt his toes brush against the top of his shoes, before settling Rhys’ weight completely atop his feet. Jack kept one arm about Rhys’ waist, holding him steady as he stuck his other arm straight out in front of him, tricep brushing over the mechanical stump of Rhys’ shoulder.

“From now on I’m gonna be your new arm. At least until you get the fancy new replacement. Then you won’t feel so weird about only having one, hm?”

Rhys raised his brow, eyes following from where Jack’s arm sprouted from his shoulder, down to the fingers that wiggled in question. It was less than seamless.

“I…I’m not sure this’ll work out too well.”

“Are you kidding? Just say the word, kitten, and it’ll do whatever you want.” Jack moved his hand more, alternately waving his palm and waggling his fingers and clenching his fist, to demonstrate his substitute dexterity.

“Anything you need, and I’ll take care of it. Gotta brush your teeth? Check. Need to rub your stomach and pat your head at the same time? You’ll be covered.”

He faked grabbing at Rhys’ pants, jerking his hand in a lewd fashion.  

“Jack you off? I got it.”

“You can jerk me off when you’re not glued to my side, you know?”

“Sure. Sure. But wouldn’t it just a little more fun this way?”

“What, with you treating me like some weird half-puppet?”

Jack squeezed his arm affectionately about Rhys’ waist.

“With me all close and hugging up on you and all.”

He caught the bit of blush on Rhys’ cheeks with a quick kiss. A little laughter puffed through Rhys’ nose even as he tried to resist with a closed pout.

“Yeah.”

They stood together, Rhys balancing lightly atop Jack’s feet as he kept his arm wrapped close around his lover’s body. It occurred to Jack that he hadn’t held Rhys in quite the same way since long before the accident. The position was one of his favorites—even without Rhys standing on his toes, he usually edged Jack out an inch or so in height, which made it all the more fun to hold him from behind as he stretched his neck to rest his chin against Rhys’ shoulder. Social convention might dictate the shorter one down to the little spoon level, but Jack knew better. He knew Rhys liked being held.

Jack suddenly felt his boyfriend’s stomach gurgle against his forearm. He chuckled and patted Rhys’ middle as he made a face.

“Aw, crap. Here I am about to lug you off to bed when you’re still starving.” Jack eyed Rhys’ lunch, still splattered all over the floor. “Not to mention I gotta clean up the mess you made.”

Rhys turned his head and opened his mouth to protest, only for Jack to quiet him with another quick kiss as he picked him up, carting him over the mess and hobbling towards the bedroom.

“I can help—“ Rhys started as Jack plopped him onto the bed and tugged the blankets over his shoulders. Jack planted his hands between Rhys’ legs and leaned in close, brushing their noses together in a soft nuzzle.

“Think you’ve done enough ‘helping’ for today, huh?” Jack winked as he pulled away, leaving a scant space between them that Rhys quickly closed to initiate a kiss of his own.

“You’re a jerk,” Rhys whispered against his lips, before retreating back into his blanket cocoon. He pulled it less tight about his body than before, amused eyes watching Jack as he went.

“That’s not something you should say to your right-hand man—heh, ‘right-hand man’ Rhys, get it?”

A pillow thrown against the closing door was Jack’s answer.

#spacetext #long post #rhack #fanfic #i dunno if i like this #but i like some parts #thats enough to justify posting it i guess #tftbl

[porgthespacepenguin]

first thoughts about episode 11

So a few hours behind most people, I have finally watched episode 11 and … what a ride!

First let’s start off by comparing what I had predicted earlier on with what actually happened:

The eye injury Michael inflicted on Voq in episode 2 ended up super important (Correct)

Voq revealed (Correct)

Voq fighting against mirror!Voq (Correct)

Lorca being revealed in the same episode (Wrong)

Ash/Michael going down in flames (Correct)

Ash vs. Voq being the only prime vs. mirror showdown (Wrong)

4/6 isn’t too bad a score, and the episode honestly exceeded my wildest hopes (which I keep low on purpose). I am happy to get stuff wrong as long as it’s better than I anticipated! And it was.

And I admit I’m pretty proud of figuring out the eye injury was important, as it was what almost immediately clued me in to Ash being Voq and I have not seen it discussed anywhere else (if someone else did figure it out as well, feel free to comment and I’ll amend my post).

Now onto the analysis. Beware, this is not a meta, just some ideas after watching the episode a few times.

Ash/Michael – welcome to tragedy, population: us

Forewarned is forearmed: the show definitely did warn us, though not in so many words, that this could only end in tears. Regardless, witnessing Ash and Michael’s relationship crash and burn was beyond painful.

I wrote in my earlier meta that I didn’t believe that Ash/Michael could come back from all this. I stand by my opinion more than ever after episode 12.

First and foremost, there is the fact that as soon as Voq got his memory back (and therefore his full agency) he made his choice, in full conscience.

And that choice was to murder Michael.

Let that sink in for a while.

He chose to murder her in cold blood.

Worse, if mirror!Saru hadn’t intervened, he would have gone through with it and succeeded. It was only because of Michael showing kindness to Saru earlier on that she didn’t die.

Later on in the episode, Voq shows no remorse. No regrets. Not even a hint of internal pain.

To me, more than anything, this highlights that their relationship is dead in a romantic sense.

You can come back from a lot of things – lies, double-crossing, even betrayal – but attempted murder without a hint of remorse or regret is more than a line crossed.

Especially as they are an established relationship, not two adversaries on a battlefield (I would not hold their first fight in episode 2 to the same standard, for example – that was a clearly different situation).

If the show did walk that back, and put them back together, I don’t think I could continue watching. I liked Ash/Michael but after watching episode 11, I’m out.

Some people have speculated that Michael could potentially find mirror!Tyler and pick up the relationship with him instead. I see many issues with this:

Assuming there is even a Tyler…

And his mirror!version is not a racist jerk…

Michael did not have feelings for Tyler, she had feelings for Tyler/Voq…

And just picking up a spare right after losing the original guy feels a bit… cheap?

I know, I can hear some of you saying: wait, aren’t you the one who wrote that long boring meta about how Lorca had a past relationship with mirror!Michael?

Yes, I am. And I stand by it, by the way. I truly think it would be really lovely storytelling to have Lorca finding his lost love in another universe after tragedy struck (and if Michael hadn’t been sentenced to life in prison, to a literal “future full of misery”, I’m not sure he would have interfered at all – just a gut feeling).

When it comes to Michael and Ash, trying to replace the original guy (who attempted to murder you) with a lookalike equipped with a better personality is problematic to say the least.

It would cheapen their actual relationship (past or not, it did exist!) and totally erase Voq from the equation, leaving us to wonder what purpose this whole arc served. Unsatisfying on so many levels, so that’s a  pretty firm no from me.

In the future, what will happen with Voq?

Until we go back to the prime!universe, probably not a whole lot. Michael might have to face him again to come to terms with some things, though.

Once we are back, from a story perspective Voq will have to resume his own narrative arc, which means potentially breaking out with L’rell and going back to the Klingons.

Perhaps a resolution to the war can then be found before the end of season 1 but it would necessitate a time jump: no way can we go believably from murderous fanatic Voq to “humans are not so bad” Voq in 2 episodes.

We might get there eventually, if his experiences as Ash can bring him the same wisdom mirror!Voq displayed. But again, this type of character development takes time.

Before we move on… in hindsight all of Tyler’s declaration of love and protection sound pretty hollow right about now. And yes, I’m bitter about it on Michael’s behalf.

Michael deserves better, dammit.

Michael/Lorca

The agony booth scene

So much to unpack here, it almost deserved its own post.

Before anything else… poor Gabriel. I mean look at him. He needs a hug and a stiff drink, is what he needs.

So, the agony booth scene. They are both standing. Lorca looks like hell, he is shaking and barely holding together. Importantly, this has stripped away a lot of his defenses. He is not in control the way he usually is, not anymore.

Michael is conflicted about what to do with the rebel base. Lorca’s response is immediate, do what you have to do and bomb them if you have to.

Now I have seen some people react to this as confirmation of Lorca being evil or being out to grab the throne for himself.

But let’s keep a few things in mind:

Lorca is familiar with the Empress, and he correctly foresees the fact that she will be mightily displeased at her orders not being followed. Michael is taking a huge tactical risk by being merciful, and it ends up having huge consequences.

Even if he is not affiliated with the rebels, it doesn’t follow that he would not be leading a rebel Terran faction of his own. As far as we have seen, the rebel group led by Voq doesn’t seem to have any Terran members. It would be fairly logical that there would be dissent within the Terran ranks beyond the non-human resistance.

The conversation that follows is pretty amazing. This is one of the first time we see Michael inspire Lorca, pulling him toward her idealism and Starfleet morals and away from the mirror universe’s darker, more ruthless standards.

After all, wasn’t that explicitely one of the reasons he chose her?

You chose to do the right thing, even at great personal cost.

That moment, all the way back in episode 3, made me certain that Lorca isn’t evil.

Dark? Maybe. Morally grey? Sure.

Evil? No.

I mean let’s be logical about this. If I were a villain intent on committing a villainous plot, I wouldn’t go ahead and specifically pick a person with a strong moral compass to help me with it. They would of course try to thwart me at every turn. It would make zero sense.

Ah, penguin, I can hear some people say, but what if Lorca needs her, specifically, to access the Empress? Wouldn’t he recruit her and then manipulate her into doing his bidding then?

Sure. So let’s take a detour to “How to manipulate someone 101”:

Destroy your victim’s self esteem

Use gifts and favors to create a feeling of obligation

Isolate them from their support system: family, friends, romantic attachments

Denigrate their achievements

Undermine their self confidence

Punish the victim for perceived transgressions

Right. And in contrast, so far Lorca has:

Helped her rebuild her confidence on her own (contrast the start and beginning of episode 3, it’s such an amazing change)

Given her a job and a place aboard a starship again, while avoiding her gratitude as much as possible

Helped her maintain or rebuild her support system: mounted a rescue for Sarek (family), gave her Tilly as a roommate (who was the only one good hearted enough to look past Michael’s transgressions and befriend her), and kept his opinion to himself concerning her relationship with Tyler (though he was undoubtedly jealous)

Praised her for her strategic mind and her strong sense of morale

Encouraged her to take pride in herself (“You did well, Burnham. You should be proud.”)

Trusted her with the most important missions

Ignored at least one transgression that could have landed her in the brig (that fight they had on the bridge in episode 9)

I’m sure I’m forgetting things but you get the idea.

Honestly, if he needed her only as a tool, it would have been much smarter to keep her under his thumb with her confidence broken. Look how pliable she was at the start of episode 3.

(Again, I do think that the fact that Georgiou is the Empress is significant, and that having Michael on his side against her is a tactical advantage – but that’s not the whole of it, by a long shot.)

Anyway, moving on.

Michael sweetens the deal by adding the part about finding out how the Fire Wolf leads his coalition, but essentially it all boils down to:

She appeals to his moral sense

She asks him not to force her to commit such a terrible act

And it works. Partly because after so much torture, Lorca’s defenses are way down. But I think it’s mostly because of Michael’s ultimate secret weapon: she says please.

Seriously.

She says please, and… that’s that.

Just like with the Sarek rescue mission, Lorca just gives in and makes an illogical tactical decision (which, I might add, results in the Empress coming straight for them at the end of the episode).

Visually, I don’t have much to say beyond the extensive use of choker shots. Those are very often used to create emotional intimacy and tension, as I’ve mentioned many times before. This is not a shot you’d use for people who are not developing a strong relationship of some sort (be it friendship or romance).

And finally… Lorca’s “Hurry back. Please.” just kills me.

That’s not an order. That’s a plea.

The meeting room scene

Their second scene together is quite different. Lorca is looking a little better, while Michael seems shattered by her recent betrayal.

By the way. I love how Michael (who is a tough cookie) is psychically exhausted after 3 days in the mirror!universe and how much reflection (pardon the pun) she is doing on it.

Hopefully it will help mitigate her anger at Lorca when she finds out he is from the mirror!universe too (and has spent his entire life there without turning into a human-shaped demon spawn like the rest of the Terrans). At this point, overthrowing the Empress is starting to look like a moral imperative.

Lorca informs her they have to stay longer, for reasons that are both tactically sound and highly convenient, because I’m pretty sure he plans to face the Empress at some point (though probably not right there and then).

There also a lovely little morsel I wasn’t expecting: Lorca sounds jealous. He can’t bring himself to say “liked” or “loved” (that little pause is very telling) and when he says “Tyler”, you can tell he truly wanted to say “what’s his face”.

As an aside, I think he only noticed Michael’s partiality for Tyler in the previous episode, when Ash had a panic attack in the worker bee. I don’t think I mentioned it in my main meta, but I adore the way Lorca manages to sound at once gruffly protective (“You can relax too. He’s safe.”) and jealous despite himself.

Moving on.

Michael just can’t take it anymore, she’s scared, and she just admits it to him, leading to this amazing exchange:

“I don’t think I can survive this place alone.”

“You are not alone, Michael. We will survive this place… together.”

And then Lorca takes her hand. This is the first touch we have seen him initiate with her. It’s also the second time he calls her Michael, and that’s not a coincidence.

Not Michael Burnham, not Burnham, not Specialist Burnham.

Just plain Michael.

Right there and then, Lorca is not being her captain. He’s just being a man, comforting a woman.

Even more importantly, @trashywestallen made a brilliant point in one of our discussions, which I hadn’t noticed until she pointed it out.

This scene is meant to be the mirror of the scene in episode 10 when Ash reaches for Michael’s hand during their discussion in the mess hall.

Both Ash and Lorca are on seated the left, while Michael is sitting on the right. (Very quick aside, the man on the left/woman on the right is imagery commonly found in classical paintings, with the Arnolfini portrait commonly cited as an example.) Both contacts are initiated by the man.

That’s where the similarities end, because everything else is inverted.

In the scene with Ash and Michael, the camera zooms in on their joined hands but very noticeably, the shot is obstructed by a teacup.

Contrasting this with Michael and Lorca: their hands are in plain view. There is even a shot with the light streaming in from behind through the window and onto their joined hands.

Another major difference: Tyler grabs Michael’s hand possessively to reassure himself. Lorca lays a calming hand over Michael’s to reassure her.

Ash takes Michael’s right hand with his right; Lorca covers Michael’s right hand with his left. Symbolically, this is hugely significant. The left hand is the hand (or arm) a gentleman or a knight would use to escort his lady: keeping the right hand, his sword hand, free to defend her.

Lastly: Ash asks her to let him handle things on his own; Lorca says they will figure it out together.

Point taken, I guess?

Everything else

Stamets! I am pretty glad to have been wrong about there being only one twin encounter. Go save your love, Paul. (Though mirror!Stamets freaks me out a little).

Empress Georgiou is utterly terrifying. I love it.

Michael lying to spare Saru (while Saru lies to spare her) is just lovely. Also interesting to note she is willing to lie for a good cause (not unlike other people I could name…)

Michael’s kindness to mirror!Saru coming back to save her is almost karmic.

Mirror!Voq was awesome. Wise, strong, everything a leader could be. Unfortunately, that means prime!Voq is the evil twin. Bummer.

Mirror!Sarek, who’s met Michael all of 5 minutes, is more validating and full of praise than our own Sarek. Seriously, dude, you’re going to have to step up the dad game, presto.

#star trek #star trek discovery #star trek discovery spoilers #star trek disco spoilers #lorca x burnham #michael burnham #gabriel lorca #michael burnham x gabriel lorca #st:fallenangels #USS ArchAngel #st:archangel #uss archangels

[jmyamigliore]

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[everydaychurch]

FIX YOU by Warren

Fix is an interesting word. As a verb it means to repair, to mend, to put in order or in good condition; adjust or arrange. As a noun it means set,  rigid or solid form.  Stable or permanent. Settled. Strangely in some ways you can combine the use of the two variations into one sentence. An example would be something like the following; "I am going to fix up my old Chevy and put it back into vintage shape so I can become a fixture in the vintage car scene"

Interesting that most people, to some degree, if they acknowledge it or not are trying to fix something in their lives. Maybe its something deep; like the effort to fix a broken down relationship. A marriage perhaps, or a father and child who have broken down communication. Perhaps its a vice such as drugs or alcohol, or something simpler like losing your temper, swearing, smoking. Someone might be fixing their economic status through education or job training. I have a fondness for an old Coldplay song that has some deep lyrics in regards to the word Fix;

"When you try your best but you don't succeed.When you get what you want but not what you need.When you feel so tired but you can't sleep .Stuck in reverse When the tears come streaming down your face .Cause you lose something you can't replace When you love someone but it goes to waste.What could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home. And ignite your bones. And I will try to fix you.But high up above or down below.When you are too in love to let it show.Oh but if you never try you'll never know.Just what you're worth"

With respect to the writer of the lyrics Chris Martin, and I see the point he is making, I am not convinced he has the ability to truly fix anyone. Obviously there is someone he knows that has failed in fixing oneself. In a loving manner he truly is concerned and that is admirable. He emotionally expresses this in song and the song has registered in a profound way in the hearts and minds of his audience.

However, he is missing the point of admitting the fallen nature of human beings. Our fallibility and the imperfection of others. I certainly love my wife, but I cannot ultimately fix all the issues she is challenged with, the things she doesn't like about herself, the mistakes she has made and makes, or the pain she carries; nor can she do this for me.

I read a funny Christian comic the other day where a woman was having a chat with Jesus over a cup of coffee. She was telling Jesus how she felt so bad because in her mistakes she felt disqualified from doing the things He asked of her. Jesus asked her if she felt there was anyone who could be perfect enough to accomplish the feats she referred too. She replied "only Jesus" Jesus responded; "Bingo! you got it"

The obvious point being only Jesus is perfect and only Jesus can really fix us, and He wants to do this more than anything! Not just fixing the outward choices we engage ourselves in that are contrary to His standards, but the rooted triggers that plaque all humans and lead to the choices we make. The broken areas, the hurts, pains, loses, rejections, addictions. Like a doctor who resets (fixes)a broken bone. Fixing can also be referred to as Healing. Jesus wants to heal us.

How? It seems complex, but at the same time very simple. You mean we can relax and let God do the work of fixing us? Yes, if you allow Him He will lead you to wholeness.

In the Bible, Hebrews Chapter 12:1-2  says;

" Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."

To be fixed we must fix are attention on Jesus

By faith we come to God and lay down the areas of our lives that need fixing. Jesus asks of us to fix our eyes on Him. In this scripture the word "author" meaning "prince, chief, supreme leader" Perfecter meaning "finisher or it is done" He is wanting us to turn our eyes away from the obstacles in our lives that keep us from the fullness He desires us to have. We can't do that in our own strength. We humans have purpose, we have a design created in us by God for His purposes that when acted upon bring an inseparable joy beyond our limited expectations. Jesus said this in John 14:12 "Truly, truly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do, he will do also; and greater works than these he will do; because I go to the Father". Also in Ephesians 2:10 "For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.

If you are a Christian and have had some years behind you as a follower you may be familiar with certain scriptures in the Bible and because you have heard them so many times you come to a place of glossing over them. I have done that more often than I like to admit. It happened to me recently.

I was a little frustrated with certain areas of my life and was doing my hardest to fix myself. All by myself. In the midst of a morning devotional God pressed me to open a certain scripture and let it speak to me. I knew the scripture He said to go to. I had read it many times. I have quoted it to others. I did what He asked and sure enough I saw it in a different light. A revelation that acted like an arrow to the core of my heart. The verse is 2nd Corinthians 5:17

“Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. Now all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation”,

So, what does this have to do with Jesus fixing us?

The epiphany for me was simple; He already has. Jesus has fixed us. We have to by faith in Him walk it out. If old thought patterns come, this scripture serves as a reminder and is worth memorizing. If temptations come, remember who you are, the person metamorphosed by surrender to Christ. You are no longer what you once were before knowing Jesus. You have been changed. You have been set free. 

The old story so familiar to many tells the story of Jesus coming and opening the door to your jail cell, leading you by the hand to freedom. Freedom He paid the price for. Your sentence paid in full. How silly for you or I to continually step back inside the cell. The door remaining open, yet choosing to stay laid out on the hard cold mattress isolated and defeated.

Jesus is love. A love that goes beyond our conceptional understanding. How could we fully grasp? Jesus Christ gave His life for you and me. His life for us who had no merit when compared to a Holy and Perfect God who created ALL things. Its amazing. His word says this in Romans 8:5-11

"For while we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will hardly die for a righteous man; though perhaps for the good man someone would dare even to die. But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from the wrath of God through Him. For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved ]by His life. And not only this, but we also exult in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received the reconciliation".

His suffering and death wasn't pretty. It was brutal, humiliating, and unjust. He did nothing wrong. When He was closest to death He declared "Father forgive them, they know not what they are doing" Men don't say those things when dying, but our Savior certainly does. His love for us is that deep. Love  further declared, confirmed, proven, and monumentally completed through His rising from the dead three days later. The moment in time when the world was forever changed, the Old Testament fulfilled, and the promised restoration long spoken of and prophesied "finished". Remember he is the author and finisher of our faith. He is our fixer.

If you have never heard the truth of Jesus and this resonates with you. If you know you need to be fixed, if life has beat you down, damaged you, I encourage you to take the step, by faith in reaching out to Jesus. Give yourself over to Him. Surrender your failed self sufficiency. Jesus is God. He loves you. He wants to form you to be like him. He forgives those who come to Him, who seek forgiveness and He wants to give you the freedom and new life He has for you. Come to Him. He is a relational God who wants to walk with you, teach you, help you. He forgives you no matter what you have done.

For those who have chosen to follow Christ, but who struggle with accepting the freedom and closeness and intimacy with God I encourage you to step back, let go, and remember that through Him you are a New Creation. Jesus paid the price to bring you complete freedom. Not partial freedom- complete freedom. You are no longer what your mind says you are, you are who He says you are. You are not who others say you are, you are who He says you are. you are an over comer of all things through Jesus. Trust Him.

I would welcome the opportunity to talk with you if you like. If you would like me to guide you through the process of opening your heart and welcoming Jesus into your life I am here for you. If you would like me to pray with you and walking you towards freedom in Jesus I am here.

God Bless you.