#but—just reiterating—if you do want to talk about anything my messages and inbox is always open

[twopoppies]

I have a genuine question. This isn’t hate fr im just trying to understand where u stand because I’ve been a follower for years now and I really like the stuff u post!

But u just said u don’t listen to Louis’ music and don’t think his live shows are for you. So are u a fan of Louis as the person he is or simply as a part of the relationship he has with harry? Because the way u phrased it makes it seem like he is a character in your narrative and that’s it. I’m just genuinely trying to understand where u are coming from to not take uninformed decisions idk.

U are a great person to follow but it really confuses me how can you support 1/2 of this couple as simply part of a narrative and not as the artist he is.

That’s all, hope u don’t take this as hate or something. Thank you!

Hi love. I really don’t understand people’s confusion, but I’ll reiterate. I do listen to his music. I just don’t like it as much as I like Harry’s music (or other artists’ music), so I don’t listen to it all the time. I do like him as a person, I’ve said that umpteen times. If i didn’t, I’d stop talking about him altogether. I don’t like the narrative they’ve been pushing for him over the last couple of years. But when he gets to speak at length (like when Zach Sang interviewed him), the Louis I always loved is right there. I didn’t enjoy either of his concerts I went to last year, or the few I watched on livestream, so I decided I didn’t want buy tickets for this tour. Somehow, all of this means I am a pedophile and deserve to die. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I don’t know what you mean by “a character in my narrative” and perhaps you, personally, don’t mean anything by it, but I’m a little tired of feeling like I have to justify feeling more connected to one person than another. I happen to think Harry and Louis are a couple. Does that mean I have to love their art equally? To me that’s just stupidity and frankly, the way some of you react by literally telling me to kill myself because I apparently don’t love Louis enough or the right way, is truly pathetic.

What you all are doing on Twitter (and probably elsewhere, but twitter is where I’ve seen it) is making the fact that right now I enjoy Harry’s music/concerts etc more than I enjoy Louis’ into some sort of federal offense. I don’t care about the nonsense in my inbox. You all sound like absolute fools. But the way so many people message me afraid to have a fucking opinion that doesn’t toe the line of what the loudest loudmouths in this fandom have deemed acceptable, is incredibly sad.

I’m not opening up my blog to discuss this for hours. This is all I’ve got. I’ve said the same thing over and over and over for a very long time.

[lenteur]

HIIIII OMG OMG OMG YOUR REBLOG WAS THE CUTEST THING EVER ❤️ i saw it this morning when i woke up to feed the cats and it made me smile SO WIDE <3 CAT PHOTO IS AT THE BOTTOM 🖤

please whenever you feel the need, just sleep <3 even if it's the middle of the day. try not to stay awake just to sleep at night 💔 i really hope you feel better ❤️

i honestly think idols can pull off the colour pink so well, wish i could dye mine pink but i only suit darker colours of....colours 😂

ikr <3 though i started watching 911 again and i was up til 4am watching it 👀 i know one of the main actresses of glee was revealed to be a bully behind scenes which idk didn't surprise me tbh. i used to love her as an actress but her interviews felt so off to me </3 i really hate bullies 😡😡😡

IM SO SO HAPPY YOU LOVED IT <3 i was actually really struggling with your gift because i was seeing other peoples and i felt like mine wasn't great but then i remembered you saying how the gift was us getting to know each other and that you'd be happy with anything 🖤 i'm really happy you like it <3

BESTIES 4 LYF ❤️ also!!!! tea and biscuits. my favourite snack <3 i'm gonna hopefully start watching a kdrama on friday, bc from then to tuesday, i'm off work so i'll have some time to relax 🥰

i was waiting for you to reply before i posted the gift, i didn't want to post it and then i had to let you reply to an anon. 🖤 you've been so so so kind to me and i just love you already ❤️ i'm so EXCITED to talk more!! 💎

Toffee on the left! Luna on the right ❤️

hey hey hey 💖 of course! it was a great surprise to finally know who you are 💗 now that i've looked at your blog, i can see all the little clues you left during our conversations. especially the wednesday and criminal minds stuff haha

tysm for thinking of me 💕 i am trying my best at taking care of myself but thankfully my mom is with me and she's such a huge help 💝

ah staying up until 4am to watch something reminds me of my teenage years 👀 even if i wanted to i wouldn't be able to do so now </3 which is a good thing hehe oh really? 😡 i mean i'm not surprised either but i'm getting tired of all these celebrities thinking they're better than others. it happens everywhere but, when in a group (ie a show, a group of singers, etc.), there always seems to be one who wants the spotlight to themselves. it's getting repetitive 💔 i already have a hard time getting into a show, but seeing stuff like that, it's no wonder i don't want to watch new shows anymore. i don't have time for drama. i just want to enjoy what i watch in peace, but this makes it hard sigh

i know i wrote a novel in the tags but it's really really pretty 💟 the fact that you took time out of your day to make something for me means a lot. you'll never have to worry about something like that with me 💖 and let me reiterate: our friendship is the true gift 💘

oh if you start the kdrama (or is it a jdrama? cdrama? tdrama?) please let me know which one it is 💓 i'm hoping i can start watching summer strike either tomorrow or this weekend because the premise (and all the gifs i've seen) is really interesting and i think i'll like it 💞

i had a feeling you were waiting for me to answer. i also wanted to answer the last anon message before you revealed yourself or else it would've stayed in my inbox forever hehe💕

OK. okok! i was waiting to answer the rest of your ask before talking more in depth about my new cats toffee and luna (yes, by revealing your cats to me, you are now contractually obligated to share custody of your pets i'm not kidding! jk) UM EXCUSE ME? YOU SHOULD'VE TOLD ME YOU HAD THE MOST BEAUTIFUL CATS IN THE ENTIRE WORLD!!! like they're so pretty they could be on the cover of vogue, elle, harper's bazaar, any other magazines (my fashion knowledge is limited lmao) 😻 if your friendship wasn't enough (which it is), seeing toffee and luna made this event 124877523368751222222565457426545214852485x better (won't bother deciphering this number but just know it's a lot!) wowowowooooooooooooooooooooooooooowowowowowowowowow! user lenteur is currently disfunctioning </3 cause? (Y)OUR CATS 😻😻😻

#lettre #lovely mutuals #if you want your own emoji please lmk or i can choose one for you? #anyway i'm so thankful for this event because i got to know you (and your cats hehe)

[youngreckless]

Do you ever feel like sometimes you could just make someones life miserable but you don't because you're trying to be a less horrible person?

short answer: yes. i can relate to that.

long answer: i think it's easy to fall into this mindset especially when someone has hurt you or done you wrong. hurt can easily turn into anger, and sometimes, when we're really hurting, we feel the urge to hurt others, or to hurt the person who hurt us.

see, humans are capable of that. all of us. we're capable of hurting each other a lot, of making someone's life miserable. and that's okay. because that's not what matters. what matters is what we choose to do about it. always. we can choose to go either way. and when you choose to not do it, to not hurt someone, that's important. we all have different reasons for that too. it could be anything, from feeling bad about hurting others to trying to be a better person for yourself. but no matter the reasons, it counts.

now, i don't know anything about your situation, why you're feeling the way you're feeling (though if you do want to talk about anything, you can always send me an ask or shoot me a message). but, the very fact that you don't do it because you're trying to be a better person, or even a less horrible person, that's what speaks about you. your choices. not your instincts. because instincts can be developed by having years of bad habits too. and it can be hard to break off from those.

i've felt like that too. i've been hurt badly by people, and in those moments of blinding hurt and anger, i've had thoughts like this too. but i chose to not act on it. i chose to not hurt someone else. and i'm proud of you for choosing that too. it can be hard, but it'll be worth it.

#i ramble sometimes #sorry if you just wanted a short answer and not all that shit! #but—just reiterating—if you do want to talk about anything my messages and inbox is always open #also if you just need to vent/rant #love and hugs 💛

[ficsnroses]

Heyyy, I've been a silent follower for a while, to be honest im one of those people who thought that writers dont care if u write them something nice about their fics , but after reading your last post, i just wanna say that you're the only and by only i mean the ONLYY WRITE who i can actually read john wick's fics of .

I love your writing style so muchhhh and the way you express every feeling in your writing is truly mesmerising.

I love that warm feeling i get whenever i read one of your fics and i wont hesitate to read them over and over.

I just want you to know that i love your writing amd account and that you are appreciated by mw and many people who im sure feel the same way.

So please dont stop doing what you love.

Unfortunately more and more of my fav writers are becoming less and less active due to lack of encouragement and appreciation.

But i assure you that there some of us out there who are silent stans lol but i will voice my appreciation more to my favourite writers from now on so they feel appreciated.

English isn't my first language but I tried my best.

Love 💘

ohmyohmyasdfghklajd I’m at a loss for words, I don’t even know how I could possibly reiterate how much this message means 🥺 I’m so in awe, thank you really so so much for your lovely words. thank you for continuing to support my writing. I understand some people are shy, and that is totally okay! I’m pretty shy as well, I literally used to use the anon function when sending love to my fave blogs before asdfghjkl. regardless, please always remember that everyone is welcome here. I love talking to you— about anything at all! on writing & fanfic or not, my inbox and dms are always open for a chat 💕 I hope you’re well, take care!! ps: a new fic will be up really soon! :)

sending so much love back!! 💕

#ask

[dandelionapril]

Are you in a relationship or dating at the moment? Any tips how to put yourself out there and have confidence to go on dates?

Hey, angel, this might be a long one 💕💌

So I'm not currently in a relationship. If we're being honest here, it's actually been quite some time since I've been in anything serious. 😅 So I'm not sure if I'm the best person for advice here, but your ask is something that I feel like I can heavily relate to. Truthfully, I'm not one for casual dating or using apps, I've always preferred meeting people in a very organic way. And I have to wonder how much of that is because of my disdain of those things, or how much is because of my lack of confidence and fear of rejection in those situations. (it's a little bit of both tbh)

But anyways, here's my advice. Before anything, ✨KNOW YOUR SELF WORTH!✨ I think its crucial to remember that you are worthy of finding love and finding someone out there for you. I think ultimately we all want someone in our lives to share our love, happiness, all the things in between, and our time with. But I also think it's important to want to share that with people who are worthy. I say this bc, dating, and putting yourself out there. You're gonna run into some assholes and people who will attempt to put you down. I say this as someone who has dealt with people getting ugly when you're not giving into them. It’s hella discouraging and confidence shaking. I just wanna make that clear bc I do think its so important. Know you’re worthy. And know WHO’s worthy of YOU! 💖

As for putting yourself out there. It's scary, ngl. I think you have to be comfortable with rejection and being let down. That's the hardest part. Liking someone and they don't like you back? It fucking suuuuucks! 😩 But eventually you'll see that its not the worst thing in the world. And you’ll get a little more comfortable with that. It makes asking someone out, or saying yes to a date, a little easier. I think also, once you've been on the scene a bit, you'll get a clearer picture of what you want and what you wont accept. I think knowing that will help your confidence a bit more. You'll be less likely to want to waste your time and more likely to be a bit more forward. I honestly think it all comes down to time and allowing yourself to test the waters. And if u have a little bit of an inkling that this other person likes you already, just go for it! I promise that we’re harder on ourselves than we need to be. Don’t overthink it too much. I have the habit of doing that, and it’s just not necessary.

Now…there are a couple of outer things that you can do to help boost your confidence. When I’m in a great mood I feel like I can take on anything. Of course working on that internally is important, but sometimes just wearing a cute outfit I feel beautiful and goddess like in, can help tremendously. Listening to certain music before getting bold and trying to make a move lol. If this is in person, or not, a spritz of my favorite perfume does wonders. Feeling good inside and outside can make you feel a little bolder! 💓

I wanna reiterate though that I'm literally the worst person to ask bc i never shoot my shots! I'm a shy bitch that cant take her own advice usually. But I think once you have an idea that someone likes you, it’s a lot easier to find that confidence to just go for it, go on that date with them, ask them out, message them, whatever it may be.

I hope in this mess of a reply, you can find something useful, angel! Sending you so much love, my darling! If u ever wanna come off anon, and talk specifics, I may be able to help you out a bit more. I’m not sure if your question was just about dating in general, or dating as a fat person (lord knows that’s a whole different thing). But I wanted to let you know that my inbox and dms are always open 💌💖💌

#ask #dandelionapril

[bandomslayed]

I’m not saying you should focus more on racism, I’m just saying that that’s something that the community as a whole needs to focus on and try to repair, I’m sure they all already know that people don’t like their ships. If that’s an issue, then groups can have a strict age limit. Easy solve. The other things are things that can be taught and learned but with hostility all that’s going to happen is a deeper divide. You said you wanted to argue with people about the things you don’t like that they do in this community. I’m paraphrasing, but why not instead want to educate them. No one will ever react well to feeling like they’re being ridiculed or patronized. People worth spending your time on are the ones you can talk to without it being a shitshow. We’re having a dialogue. I’ve felt this entire time like everything I say, someone is going to search for one thing to deliberately misinterpret or magnify unnecessarily when, if there’s something that they have an issue with, it could be a perfect opportunity to educate me instead of people being hostile. I’m college educated and can think critically, I’m moderately well spoken, I’m open to instructive criticisms and discussing things that aren’t agreed upon so I’m just sort of confused by the fact that what I’m saying is being picked apart by other anons and to a degree, you. You all want to change my mind about age gaps, despite me being with someone older irl and feeling safe and genuinely valued for the first time in a relationship in my life so why do you think that calling my dead grandpa names, redirecting the conversation and then kinda mocking me when I attempt to understand wholly and agree with some of the things you’re saying? That’s not going to convince me or anyone else. It just makes people feel defensive. Reiterating here that I’m not saying YOU specifically need to talk about racism more, and I’m not trying to diminish your experience or anything like that In just saying that those topics (discrimination of any kind, abuse of any kind) in the community are things we should be discussing instead of ships we think aren’t comfortable. I feel uncomfortable with relationships in real life and in rp all the time but that isn’t up to me to say it’s wrong or bad. It’s no ones right to tell any two consenting adults that what they’re doing is wrong. But it is a human right to tell someone when they’re being insensitive, and that’s a flaw in the community that people can be educated on and learn to handle with more sensitivity and knowledge but we’re never going to reach that point if we’re all just hostile and cruel to one another. Also reiterating that I’m not using personal examples to get cred, I just like examples because I think using them shows where I’m coming from so that any person who wants to have a dialogue can have a frame of reference for why my opinions are what they are on any topic. If I’m wrong, or insensitive, or just kinda dumb I want to know that but simply telling me I’m wrong or insensitive or dumb doesn’t teach me how not to me. And this doesn’t just mean me, I mean the whole community. It will never improve if we all just talk about the things we don’t like and give no feasible solutions.

alright i see what you want so let me switch to my white pleaser voice and deliver since you're so keen on being patronizing and in the same breath, acting like me taking what you say "the wrong way" is the problem. in bullet points so next time u come back to keep going at it u can pinpoint exactly what it is i misconstrued because u will do it anyway.

you're asking the community as a whole to care more about racism but you're talking to me who's leading the conversation in the first place. i understand you didn't imply i specifically should care more about it, but you're still using racism to discredit my point of view on age gap relationships being an important topic to discuss as well, and watering it down to just me not liking people's plots when that is not the message.

nobody is telling anyone how to live their lives. im bringing awareness to the fact that this culture is not okay. it's dangerous to our young. it NEEDS to be uncomfortable to you (you, plural) to invite to this so called critical thinking.

im not saying your partner doesn't have a right to be loving or grandpa and grandma had abuse masked as a good relationship. im saying, since it needs to be spelled out with no room for misinterpretation; the culture behind someone 10+ years older finding it completely okay to pursue someone that much younger — especially when we're talking 18 - 30 age range — needs to be looked at more closely. it's not safe in general. do exceptions exist? absolutely, but the whole two consenting adults point is a terrible one to make when at 18, you're considered that when you're still essentially just a child.

a strict age limit, which most groups adopt now, does little to actually prevent age gap relationships within roleplays. moreso, uneven power dynamics within plots being glamorized. my boss is not over 5 years older than me, but he is my boss. kpop boybands don't have age gaps of 10+ years in groups, usually, but there is a leader most times acting like a father figure, not to mention korean culture is heavy on emphasizing age-related hierarchical order, so a literal still wet behind the ears child establishing a romantic connection with someone who is not their equal? dangerous.

now let's halt. i already told you, i don't give a shit about respectability politics. it is not my job to be nice and educate anyone. and i don't mean just on this blog... most of you whites have come to assume and expect, even, that poc will be subservient, docile, and always willing to switch and nicely explain to you why the very core of the way you think about the world because you grew up sheltered w/e is not the whole picture for everyone. the worst part? most of them do. most of them do put their thinking caps on and write these novel worthy, intelligent, respectful, calculated think pieces only for the white in question to turn around and still deem it aggressive, etc. i don't do that. that is labor that most of you do not deserve.

the implication that there are feasible solutions for these problems that don't require for people to literally rework their entire mindset is naive at best. what am i supposed to do? be like nooo don't be racist, racism is bad BECAUSE it hurts people. i think all of you are old enough to know that by now. you definitely have enough internet exposure to know that, even if you grew up in all white sundown town america.

i explain my points. i actually explain my points more than the average person, yet here we are still saying im not doing enough to educate those around me as if it was my responsibility to change the way people think with sugar spice and everything nice so they feel their hand is held and it's safe to make a mistake that will consequently hurt other people as many times as they need to make it to finally grasp the reality of it and be able to just... not do that in the future. when no. no. when you hurt me, im allowed to react emotionally, not intellectually. when im angry and upset and still explaining why, its YOUR job to swallow it down and listen to what im saying, because YOU hurt me. i don't owe you civility (again; you, plural). i especially don't owe you civility when ive given you nothing but in the past and the end result is still me being an aggro freak who doesn't care for your precious feelings.

you're also assuming things. for example, assuming that im mocking you specifically when i really have not done that. if im going to mock you, im going to reply to your anon and say "okay stupid", then yeah, im mocking you. otherwise? don't assume im directing anything at you.

we're having a dialogue and this whole time all you've done is tell me to stop talking. your messages have all, in essence, said, if people want to date other people who have a shitton of years on them, that is not a problem and you look prettier talking about something else. yes, that's also paraphrased. you didn't say that, of course, but why are we still here if not because you feel personally scrutinized over the reaction to the life examples that you willingly provided?

nobody is trying to change YOUR mind, you're just not willing to consider that your age gap relationships that have been beautiful and loving and safe coexist within a culture that is wicked. a person who's 10+ older than me, 24, has no business seeing me as a potential partner. it's not appropriate. yet if they do, and i also see them as a potential partner, there's nothing inherently evil about that specific instance. it is the circumstances (past), that lead to this kind of thinking in the first place what im asking everyone to analize and understand. and it does matter. it matters as much as racism, abuse, ooc mistreatment of rp partners. again, issues do not queue and wait for something to end so they can begin anew. every conversation i choose to have i consider worth having. you're free to stay out if you don't deem it important.

you're exhausting me thinking by turning my inbox into ap debate we're achieving grand things sooo hope this helps 🖤

[bloodraven55]

About My Asexuality

So I was talking with a friend on Discord yesterday about what my experience is of being ace, and I realised that it might be a good idea to make a post about my sexuality for a couple of reasons. One, asexuality is still not talked about enough and is often misunderstood. And two, I know that if I’d seen more people talk about these things when I was growing up I might have figured myself out a lot sooner.

So, for anyone who’s interested, here is a summary of that part of who I am, I guess. I’ll put it under a cut since there might be some discussion of sex albeit not in a particularly NSFW way at all, but I’ll try not to let it get too long 😅

First, I think I need to make it abundantly clear that this is just my experience. This is just me. I am only one person out of many, many asexual people in the world and so nothing I say here can be applied to every ace person or even necessarily any other ace person. Because sexuality is extremely complicated and it can’t be reduced to any one label or word.

Second, I feel like I should cover the basics of a few different things to do with asexuality since they’re generally not widely known and I didn’t even know many of them until very recently. (As such, my understanding may not be perfect in some places, so please correct me if you know something I don’t or feel like I’ve got something wrong.)

One, asexuality is not in any way the same as aromanticism. Romantic and sexual attraction are two totally separate things and it’s entirely possible to have one without the other. For example, I identify as asexual but absolutely not as aromantic. So those two concepts cannot be conflated with one another.

Two, asexuality doesn’t always mean that you find sex disgusting. It can do; some people are either “sex repulsed” or “sex averse”, which means that they find sex and/or the idea of sex unpleasant to different extents. Sex repulsed people tend to just be put off by pretty much anything sexual in general, while sex averse people find sex unappealing but from what I understand not usually to such an extreme degree.

And some people are demisexual, which means that they have to develop an emotional attachment to someone before they become physically attracted to them as well. I’m not sure if this is always classified as a type of asexuality, but I certainly feel like it falls somewhere on the same spectrum.

Lastly for the terms I’m going to go over, there is what I would probably call myself if I had to choose a label. That being gray-asexuality. It’s typically defined as something like someone who doesn’t have any kind of aversion or repulsion towards sex and can potentially experience sexual attraction in very rare or specific circumstances, but usually not enough to act on it.

With that out the way, I’m going to talk about my particular feelings now and basically just describe my own sexuality as best I can. Which is very difficult but here goes.

So let’s start with my relationship with sexual attraction. I’ve never really felt it; it’s basically an alien concept to me. I can find people physically attractive—well, specifically I can find women physically attractive—but not in the sense that I am sexually attracted to them.

If I call someone hot, it almost certainly doesn’t mean what most people mean when they say that. To me, if I say someone is attractive, it just means that they’re good-looking, not that I have any desire to sleep with them whatsoever.

My sex drive/libido is pretty much non-existent. I’ve never been sexually attracted to anyone in my life so far, and I never masturbate either, because I’ve never felt the urge. I’ve tried, but it does absolutely nothing for me.

However, with all that said, I can find the idea of sex appealing. Just not if I’m involved in any way, shape or form. I realise that sounds very confusing so let me explain.

If there’s a sex scene in a book or TV show or film or whatever between two people who also have an established emotional connection and whose relationship I like overall, then I can enjoy it. It’s only when there are no feelings behind it apart from the physical that it just falls completely flat for me.

Basically, I’m into the fact that they’re into it, but just not into it myself. I can appreciate it, but it still doesn’t have any affect on me beyond a thought of “oh that’s nice for them”. And in a similar vein, I can find things hot, like maybe see a suggestive fan art and think “oh damn”, but I don’t have even the slightest interest in ever doing them myself.

I make sexual jokes sometimes. I am perfectly happy discussing sex with my close friends and family very openly as and when it comes up. But I can’t imagine ever wanting to have sex myself. I can’t even conceptualise myself having sex with someone because it just isn’t something I want.

And that’s pretty much all that asexuality really is at its core: a lack of sexual attraction. Everything else—such as whether you find sex fairly appealing or completely disgusting or somewhere in between, or whether you feel romantic attraction at all or not—has no bearing whatsoever on whether or not you’re asexual.

Now I’m briefly going to talk about my relationship with romantic attraction as well, just to provide a slightly fuller understanding of things. I love romance. I’m honestly a bit of a hopeless romantic; give me all the love, even if it’s kind of cheesy. And I’ve had crushes on girls a few times before. So I’m for sure not aromantic.

I would likely fall under the banner of homoromantic, i.e. romantically I am generally only ever attracted to people of the same gender. I want to say again here too: romantic and sexual attraction are not connected, and people can identify in different ways on both those spectrums.

Anyway, I’ve rambled long enough so I’m going to end this here. I hope it was somewhat helpful and maybe informative, and I want to reiterate that this is only my experience so one can’t assume that all other asexual people—or indeed any other asexual people—share my attitude towards things and feel the same way as me about them. Everyone is a unique individual, and we’re all different. That’s part of what makes us so wonderful.

Feel free to reblog this if you want. I’m very comfortable with who I am and I do not even slightly mind this being shared around. In fact, if it can help even one person figuring themselves out at all then I hope that person does get to see it. And if you have any questions then my inbox is always open. It doesn’t matter if you think it’s a dumb thing to ask, if it’s polite and respectful then I will be more than happy to answer it.

I’ll finish with a message that society often doesn’t convey but I think it would do a lot of people good to hear: It is absolutely okay if you don’t want to have sex. However you feel about sex and romance, if you do not want to have sex for whatever reason then that is 100% fine.

You are valid.

#lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtquia #lgbt+ community #asexuality #ace #raven talks about herself #long post #sorry but i had a lot to say XD

[lansizhuis]

dude i literally dont understand why there are so many of THOSE type of people are in the MXTX fandom. they harass people for liking all kinds of *problematic* content, but when it comes to the questionable stuff in the novels they just... totally ignore it?? even though in any other situation they'd be throwing tantrums and sending death threats to people over it. like wtf why are you here LOL

HELLO TO ALL OF YOU - first of all, I want to thank all the supportive messages you have sent me both here in my inbox and DMs. It means so much to me that I legit have no proper words how to convey my gratitude to you guys. Second, this is going to be the last time I will talk about this thing just to clear things up on my end. If there was something in particular that you want to discuss with me about - my DMs are always open! I’m forever late in replying anywhere but I promise that I always do. 

Third, I’d like to apologize that your fandom experience had to be tainted like this and a part of it even coming from my blog (bc i made that response post and answered the ask). I sincerely hope that it won’t happen again. Honestly, if you guys have any issues with what I post, either discuss it with me on DM (not on anon bc that’s too depersonalized for a serious topic) or just block/unfollow if you’re not keen on talking. I always tag accordingly as well so if you want me to tag a content (eg a ship, a character, etc) so you can blacklist it, I will always adhere to those requests.

Fourth, I understand that there are minors in the fandom and consume both canon and fan content. I was once a minor in a fandom too but I limited the content I consumed to what I can handle personally without hollering at the skies bc I knew then that the content wasn’t made with me in mind. Mo Dao Zu Shi was created by an adult made for adults. I’d just like to reiterate that all of MXTX’s novels are all R18 and wasn’t made to cater for minors so if you still enter the fandom with that criteria then it’s your call and responsibility to curate your own experience. 

Fifth, for all the stuff said about me, I was chill bc for one I know that things like a/b/o and yandere headcanons aren’t everyone’s cup of tea and that is totally fine. What really set me off was the casual drop of big terms associating me with p//dophilia and child p//rn when in fact, I HAVE NEVER condoned anything of the sort and it was the only argument against me that they didn’t attach any “proof” of. I’m sorry you had to see me get off at that accusation bc personally, those are legitimate real life issues that endangers real life people so to be thrown in such a lot pissed me off.

Sixth, I use metaphors a lot and I can see how these can be taken out of context. In the future, I would be more careful in using them. Most importantly - as much as I love all your support, please never consider everything I say as the mandate of heaven bc I’m just a normal human being like you. If I make a mistake, let me know about it properly (and please expect questions on my end on why it was a mistake bc I’m a fan of intellectual discussions and not just depending on another’s mere words). I’m learning from all of you.

And lastly, my goal has never changed since I started this blog last September 2018 - I want the MXTX fandom to be as comfortable as possible in their own spaces as much as I want in mine. I never take it against anyone if you decide to unfollow or block if that will give you a peace of mind. Again, this is the last time I will be talking about it with people on anon. Another request from me - let’s not bother with that person; as in don’t send them messages of hate and the like because it will drain you guys and just make you feel down; and what makes me happy are you guys being happy. So it’s not worth it.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE SUPPORT I LOVE YOU ALL!!!

#lansizuistalks #discourse #anon #answers

[lovequinn]

hey friends!

so i just want to make a general post about sending me asks, things i’ll answer and things i might not, etc.! i have a few hundred unanswered messages that are just rotting in my inbox and that number keeps growing so i’m gonna knock out some general things that might bring that number down:

- before sending me an ask or a dm please read my faq! this is my biggest thing. a lot of what i’m sent can be answered there :)

- also, if you’re gonna ask if i’ve seen a show, check my theatre i’ve seen page because i always keep it up to date.

- in a similar vein, if you wanna know if i’ve seen/what i thought about a particular understudy or performance (this mostly goes for mean girls), search that person’s name on my blog and see if i’ve already talked about it!

- this is in my faq but i’ll reiterate: if you send me a message about performers’ personal relationships and drama, i probably won’t acknowledge it. some things are just none of our business and i’m not trying to run a gossip blog here.

- speaking of my faq, i know i mention in an answer there that i have a friend associated with mean girls; it is purposely not something i talk about because my personal relationships are very separate from what i do as a fan. rarely is the show even a point of conversation with this person unless it’s something that pertains directly to them or if i’m there. so i just ask that people stop sending me messages about it. that blurb is only there so y’all will stop asking me if i work for mean girls lmao

- i am more than happy to answer general questions about my job and what i do and how i ended up in the field but i will not answer questions regarding where exactly i work, sorry :( the last thing i need is people tracking me down at my place of employment, haha. if you wanna come murder me or something you can just find me at the august wilson most nights anyway. we’ve already done one police report, i’d rather not do another.

- if you message me about anything else and i don’t answer or get back to you, and it’s not something mentioned here or answered in my faq, feel free to (nicely!) hit me up again. sometimes i just forget about things or don’t answer them because i’m exhausted but if you really want a response i won’t bite. (and some messages i don’t answer because i feel like they don’t really need a response but also they crack me up; i.e.: that message i got about reeve carney playing medium alison)

love y’all.

#personal

[whatbigotspost]

📯 ANNOUNCEMENT: Bye submissions 📯

Here ye, here ye. Ok, so I’m making a pivot here. In many ways it might not be very different but in one way, it’s a significant change: no more direct submissions. The submit box is gone. 

While the submit box will stay formally closed and I’ll be sort of in an archive mode, I will still be active to reblog stuff, and add comments here and there, posting my own content/answering asks when I’m up for it. I do this most of the time here anyway...like I did that from July-Nov exclusively (and many other times before.) It makes me happier and, from what I can tell, no one seems to really be too upset that I don’t often post submissions here anymore...(in fact, when I do go back to the queue rolling after a break, I end up losing MANY followers. I don’t intend to notice stuff like that, I just do.)

Ya know...change is ok. I’m different than I was in 2012 and I have less patience. I’m more cynical now and I want to cut the negative energy in my life that submissions sometimes create. But I still like interacting w/ y’all here and sharing more general social justicey things.

Emotional energy is not even all of what informs this choice though. It’s bigger than that. So before the messages roll in, no I don’t want or need more mods...the core of this decision isn’t really about volume of work here (although it had been substantial and overwhelming many times.) It’s not even about the burden on my mental health the submissions or the act of moderating can cause, although those are factors too. More than anything, this is about my evolving philosophy of what I even think energy should be put behind in activist spaces, my growing dissatisfaction with how much shaming bigots on tumblr can even accomplish (while I am amplifying their toxic messages in some ways too) and wanting to specifically step back from allllll of that.

So anyway what does this all mean?

Materially, not that much to most of you, as it’s only a handful of folks who regularly submit. Let me reiterate: the biggest single change is that I won’t be accepting submissions or opening the submit box again (for the foreseeable future.)

Things that will be the same:

The blog’s general themes and tone, reblogging, interacting, and answering asks (when I have time and they feel relevant)

Me, your lovely, bitter, old ass, sole mod since 2012 in the days of “facebooksexism”

If you have something you post or reblog that you want to me to chime in on, I can still be tagged in posts you make yourself/messaged posts you see that are relevant/etc.

For now, I’be gone through the inbox that had a few submissions in there and they’ll be queued out over the next couple of days and then that’ll be that. So uh yeah this feels really good to me to make this switch and I hope all you lovely folks will stick around and talk to me for as long as you can stand me (and fucking bigots be damned, always) ❤️

#blog notes #long post

[themarchblessing]

TRULY GOD’S PLAN

COREY

Finding a bench to sit down at I checked the time on my phone, happy to realize that Eva should be here soon. So she finally hit me back early this morning on some crack of dawn shit. I wanted to do a backflip off my balcony when I saw that she responded to my message from a few weeks back. Just sitting by, waiting around and constantly checking my inbox was terrifying. We agreed to meet up in Central Park close to where the birds gather daily.

Adjusting the brim of my scully around my ears I shoved my phone in my pocket and chose to watch the scenery. Bikers, walkers, cops on bikes, and random exercise groups were all out enjoying the weather. For it to be March it’s still kind of chilly in New York but it feels pretty good out today. Just admiring this view gets my brain going to reflect on my life and what’s been happening recently.

My trip to Miami was amazing. That was probably one of my favorite work trips ever. XXL treated me like royalty. The best hotel, a car to drive and all the works. I was surely impressed with their hospitality. The magazine is set to hit the shelves by the beginning of summer, the company’s words not mine. As the main photographer I should get a copy before the public does so I’m definitely keeping my fingers crossed on that one. Damn, I miss that hot ass sun already.

“Well if it isn’t one of most handsome men I know.” A voice said. I turned to my right seeing Eva walk closer to me. She’s looking so vibrant these days. Clearly whoever her new man is giving her some good pipe.

“You know I do my best to stay looking good. How you been mama?” Standing to greet her I accepted her want for a proper hug, rocking us from side to side a bit. “You smell good as hell. Don’t tell me you got all done up for a nigga?” I teased pulling back to watch her smirk at me.

“Shut up boy. I’m good, how are you? Where have you been at?” She kissed my cheek and motioned for us to sit.

“Man I’ve been working and staying black. That’s what I do best of all. What about you?” I glanced at her left hand seeing her trying to hide the ring she’s sporting. “I can see that. Tell me about it.” I encouraged, stretching my arm out behind her back.

She tucked her hair behind her ear and showcased the rock proudly. “It was the best day of my life. Without a doubt. I’m so happy Corey.” She smiled genuinely.

“Tell me about it! What’s been going on?” I reiterated, getting comfortable beside her. Eva and I caught up for lost time and walked around for a bit. The vibe between us never shied from peaceful. Which is exactly what I want and hoped for. I always do my best to keep that friendly, level of respect between my past hookups and I. Not for any funny reason but because I prefer it that way. I don’t like negative energy in my life. I had so much of it in the past but now I’m too old for that shit. I just need peace and happiness.

“So what did you ask me to meet you here for?” She said turning to me.

“Okay here it is. So my homegirl came back home last month with her son. I’ve been spending a lot of time with him but something is off. Do you recall seven years ago when I called you really late at night asking for a favor?” I started.

“Mmm..vaguely yes. Wait do you mean when you FaceTimed me and asked me help you get a nut off?” She chuckled.

Nodding in embarrassment I sat back against the bench.

“I remember now. Why are you asking me about that night?” Eva looked at me intently and I knew this moment would clear everything up.

“Well the favor I asked you for...I ended up doing something kind of crazy with it. Long story short, I got this feeling that the boy is mine but I don’t know why I can’t remember how it all happened. The whole night is mostly blurry except for me calling you.” I explained.

“Um well yeah I do recall you telling me to hold on after we were done. I couldn’t see much but you were so damn wasted Corey. I think I saw you holding a small cup with a label on it. Why were putting your sperm in there? Is that what your friend wanted?” She asked skeptically. I dropped my head in my hands feeling the entire night rush back to me clear as day. “Oh my god! I get it now. Oh goodness Corey. What the fuck did you do?!” She gasped, gripping my shoulder.

Blowing out a breath I stared at the sidewalk just thinking freely. “It all makes sense now. I altered her entire pregnancy, goddamn.” Shaking my head abruptly I stood up from the bench, pacing back and forth not knowing what to do with myself. “He’s my fucking kid. That’s my fucking kid Eva. Oh my god. This whole time. This whole time I’ve been overlooking the comments from strangers, my old man..Brian. I can’t believe I did this shit! Fuck!!” I yelled.

“Hey, hey come sit down. Breathe and relax.” Eva coached. She grabbed my hand forcing me to sit down and listen to what she’s telling me. “Breathe Corey. Just breathe.” Eva gave me time to myself. Everything that happened the night of Bri’s 30th birthday with the help of Eva has come back to me full circle. How could I have gone this long not knowing what I did? “Corey? How long have you been feeling like this?” Eva spoke to me softly as she continued to rub my back and provide me with true comfort.

“Since the second time I was in his presence. I picked up on how alike we are and pushed the comments from others to the back of my mind. I didn’t want to jump to conclusions you know? I hate that shit and with something like this you can never assume. But my gut was right. And now I don’t know how to tell her. I have to right?” Turning to Eva I searched her eyes not knowing where to go with this.

“I think you need to. I could never tell a man to keep a secret like this and as a woman, I wouldn’t want any man keeping anything like this from me. You always follow your gut Corey. Always. I’m sorry you realized this now instead of seven years ago. But think of it this way, you not figuring out that he’s your son back then gave you time to grow and prosper. You said work is going well and you’re in a good space in life so don’t blame yourself. You were drunk and horny and it was a long time ago. Everything is going to be okay as long you take responsibility and keep your cool.”

After I talked with Eva we parted ways and I came straight home. I need time to think about how I’m going to tell Bri about what I did.

“That’s my boy.” I said over and over again. I’m stuck. I don’t know how to think or move. Eva was right when she told me that I needed to follow my gut. Just thinking of every encounter with Zay and seeing how happy Sabrina was is all I can see for my future. I’ve seen Bri at her highest but the smile she has when she watches our son and I interact is the most beautiful thing in my eyes. I told y’all ever since I kissed her I’ve been all over the place.

And now that I’m beyond sure that I have a child I want to complete this puzzle. When I can find the right way to tell Sabrina I will.

Searching around my room for my phone I spotted the device hidden under the blanket on my bed. I need to call my dad. I need to get his opinion on this subject again but this time it’s me actually having some news to share with him. The line connected and I could faintly hear the sound of someone snoring.

“Corey? Why are you calling me at midnight son? What happened?” My dad rambled sounding like he was in the middle of getting a good night's rest.

“Pop, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you. I just really need to talk to you man..” throwing down face first on my bed I listened to my dad move around.

“Hassan, what’s going on? Why are you up? Did something happen to Corey..Liya?” And as if I didn’t feel any worse about myself I groaned in disappointment that I woke up my mama too.

“Nothing Carla, go back to bed. Corey and Liya are fine baby, go to sleep. Everything is okay.” My dad gave my mom some more reassurance that me and my sister were alright before I heard just him breathing. “Ok kid, what’s up?” He began.

Turning over on my back I slapped my hand down my face, hard. “He’s mine.” I muttered.

“Izaiah?” He rebutted strongly.

“Yes, I know for sure that Izaiah is my kid.” Nodding to my own truth I found a spot on my fan to look at and study. “I’m lost pop. I’m so damn lost and I don’t know where to start with telling Sabrina.”

“Corey, what do I always tell you? Keep your head in the game at all times. I know this news may be shocking for you and maybe even scary but I believe in you to do the right thing. And I know this might sound crazy as hell but I don’t think you should tell Sabrina right away.” The last words to come out of his mouth made my pull the phone away from my ear.

Did I just hear this man correctly? My father, the man who always gives me sound advice to follow is going against his normal.

“What the hell have you been smoking Hassan?” I asked sitting up straight. Letting my legs dangle off the side of the bed I glanced around wishing Lori and Izaiah we’re here right now.

My dad got a kick out of me addressing him by his first name. He gave himself a second to calm down before speaking again. “I know it sounds crazy not to tell her just yet. And I say that because you don’t know how she’s going to react. You confessing to your mistake from so long ago all of a sudden might seem a bit brash, crazy, and really fucking crazy.”

“I’m not doubting you on that. But I disagree with the first part. I have to tell her. I can’t look at that girl in the face everyday and lie to her! Do you understand how often I see this woman? Do you know how often I’m with Izaiah? I pick him up from school dad! Everyday it’s my face who he sees before he goes home to Sabrina. Mine. And Bri..” I had to take a minute to think. The reality of what my mornings, afternoons, and nights have become are swirling around my head. I’ve already put in time with this little boy. He’s already become so comfortable with me. I’ve even grown to a distinct level of comfort when I have him all to myself.

These feelings of warmth, protection, and a sliver of tenderness and likeness have taken over me. I always enjoy spending time with Izaiah. And now that I am more than sure that he’s mine, I’m overwhelmed with a whole new set of feelings.

“You love her. Whether it takes you the rest of your life to figure that out, I know you love Sabrina. You are someone’s father now, son. Just like I am yours and Liya’s. When I lost you for those three hours I wanted to lose my mind. I had never seen your mom more upset. Not so much with me but at the reality of the situation. I don’t want you to know what it feels like to have your child taken from you. Don’t get me wrong by any means when I say this. I love Sabrina too but she is the mother at the end of the day and woman tend to make decisions with their emotions a lot more than we do.” The explanation my old man is giving to me makes sense.

Nodding in agreement to his testimony I began to pace my room. “I hear what you saying and I understand all that. But how am I supposed to prove to her that I’m worthy enough to make up for a screw up like this? I drunkenly and stupidly altered Bri’s first pregnancy and then I FORGOT about it. What kind of man does that make me?”

“Well all do dumb shit when we’re fucked up Corey. The way you went about this whole ordeal is very unorthodox. It’s wrong as some would say but you weren't in the correct frame of mind that night. Son, please don’t sell yourself short. You know better than that.” He assured. Having my dad remind me that I’m human and that humans fuck up especially when they’re fucked up, is exactly what I needed to hear.

When I was talking to Eva earlier today in the park, a big part of me felt ashamed and embarrassed to reintroduce that night. To go over again aloud about how I hijacked Bri’s pregnancy made me feel sick inside.

“Thank you pop.” I sighed. Stopping in the doorway to my room I stared around my kitchen recalling the night I kissed Bri. The night that fucked up my head forever.

“Anytime son and congratulations. Take your time with this and keep your head up.” I let Hassan give me some more advice before calling it a night myself.

Today is also going down as an important day for me. Until I can find the courage to confess to Sabrina I think I need to sit on this. I want to make sure I’m fully aware of what I’m stepping into.

#the march blessing #short story

[imaginexmeintheuniverse]

The Death Cure [Deleted Scene]

Okay so I may get hate for this or a lot of people who disagree with me so allow me to start with a disclaimer that this is NOT a personal attack on anyone and if you have any issues with my opinion or may have misunderstood the way I’ve expressed it please message me privately so we can clear things up because I’d like to keep my blog a safe space.

WARNINGS: I will be mentioning the topics of anxiety, depression, and suicide which why this post is tagged with the appropriate trigger warnings for those whom it may bring discomfort and unwanted thoughts/feelings.

So it’s rare that I post my strong opinions about controversial topics like this but as a fan of the Maze Runner trilogy (and I have yet to see the Death Cure), I have seen too many posts about people attacking director Wes Ball for removing a scene between Newt and Thomas whereby Newt explains how he got his limp.

Now, I haven’t done much research on Wes Ball or his reasons for removing it, but he certainly is NOT deserving of all this hate for removing a triggering scene. If he’s done other problematic things, then by all means hate on him for those, but to hate him for removing a scene that would otherwise prevent a lot of fans from enjoying the last of the movie-adapted instalment of The Maze Runner series is plain wrong.

I do understand why some people think this scene was important (which it is) because it addresses topics and feeling that many young teens and adults face and this gave them some form of representation and/or relatability to Newt’s character and it is in fact a major part of his character.

HOWEVER, what a lot of you need to understand is that there are a lot of viewers who also struggle with these feelings except for this particular scene can be very triggering for them, and as someone who also struggles with anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts on a daily basis for longer than I can remember (although I have made a lot of progress) I feel that it was a good decision to remove the scene for the movie, taking into consideration those who will be triggered by it.

The director, Wes Ball, has still released the scene and kept it as a deleted scene, which I personally believe is the better choice because that way those who were looking forward to the scene still get to enjoy it. Keeping it in the movie would be preventing a lot of fans who struggle with these triggering topics from watching the movie and I know first-hand how terrible and fucking terrifying it is to experience an anxiety attacks or feel like you’re going out of your goddamn mind in a public place (not that it’s much better in private).

That being said, I know this next part doesn’t apply to all of you who disagree with Wes Ball for removing the scene, but the vast majority of tumblr posts I’ve seen that express outrage towards this decision is because it messes with your ship (N*wtmas) which is completely fucking ridiculous. Newt is my favorite character from both the books and movies, and is a well developed character who is loved by many because he is relatable and an overall great guy. He has his flaws and struggled with depression in the maze because who wouldn’t when you’ve been placed somewhere against your will and left with no memories except your fucking name and he couldn’t stand being there any longer to the point where he tried to take his own life and instead ended up breaking his leg and left with a permanent limp. I can understand wanting the scene in the movie because it addresses topics that are still unfortunately considered taboo and demonstrates that it’s important to talk about such things, but for someone to romanticise such an important scene like this just because it helps satisfy some of their thirst for their ship is completely repugnant.

Romanticizing such topics is already all too common in popular media and if you can’t see why that’s problematic, then you are part of the problem. If you part of the problem and no longer wish to be please read this next bit. I could talk about this for hours so I’ll keep this short. Romanticizing mental health issues is beyond damaging. It’s damaging to those who experience it. It’s damaging to those who consume the media (especially impressionable youth). It’s damaging  because romanticizing mental health issues further perpetuates mental health stigma. So just don’t do it and certainly do not encourage it.

This is something that it far too common in so many fandoms and it needs to stop because it is so incredibly toxic. So that’s why I couldn’t keep my opinion to myself this time after all the hate I saw towards the director for omitting a triggering scene because people can’t handle not getting the ’ship moments’ they wanted.

I shall reiterate: for those of you who have read this far and are outraged by my opinion or may have misunderstood the way I’ve expressed it please message me privately because I’d like to keep my blog a safe space for people to express their opinions in a civil way. If you are an avid N*wtmas shipper, please acknowledge that this post is not against the ship, just those who perpetuate negativity and problematic behavior concerning it (which has become far too common with too many fandoms).

For anyone who has similar experiences with this type of thing and wants to talk about it, or to talk about anything really, my inbox is always open for you

#suicide tw #depression tw #anxiety tw #tmr #the maze runner #the death cure #important #mental health #anti romanticization of mental health #potato rambles #rant time #long post #wes ball

[chocoberry-dream]

So the other day I got this message in my inbox:

“What if ji and ksoo were to see the sexual and erotic stuff you shippers write/post about them? Just imagine how it makes them feel. As two men who are just friends it could make them really uncomfortable and they probably think its disrespectful too smh”

Rather than replying straight to this person and being petty, throwing shade and ready to fight like I usually am….I figured I’d reply with this nice and calm well thought out post since this subject comes up often with Kaisoo and I feel like this possibility needs a bit of exploration. :)

*****DISCLAIMER******: As everyone should know by now, I am a kaisoo supporter and this post is mainly to break down misconceptions in relation to them only. In other words, I am not speaking for other pairings/ships that arent Kaisoo. This is solely my perception and view on this so no shade will be tolerated. I edited this both on my laptop and my phone so idk if the “read more” shyt appeared…dont shoot me. The names of Kaisoo have been abbreviated to eliminate appearing in their respective tags. This post is also not to condone or promote the sharing of sexually explicit forms of shipping directly with the artists involved. (i.e messaging it to them on social media, mailing it to them, shouting things like “how hard does ji f*ck you” to ksoo in person, etcetera etcetera blah blah yada yada)

So, EXO debuted in 2012.

This makes about 4 years since they have been active in the industry.

Kaisoo shippers began noticing their interactions way before EXO’s debut.

Then, this airport photo that was released to the public was one of the first ones that showed how intimate they were with one another:

This pre debut photo was also leaked along with others, some of which were noted to have been much more intimate:

Eerily, these intimate photos vanished after EXO’s debut and are currently nowhere to be found online.

Anyway…moving on. :)

So we know that the kaisoo ship began its first stages of sailing around 2010-late 2011, before EXO’s debut.

Throughout all 4 years of EXO being active, both JI and KS have maintained steady and intimate interactions with one another. There were only two major periods during these 4 years of which the two seemed to be more distant around each other than usual. (There are many theories about this, research more if you’re interested.)

Simultaneously within these 4 years, the kaisoo pairing grew to become one of the longest and most popular pairings in EXO, to the point where it not only became one of EXO’s main pairings but one of the most popular pairings within the Korean idol industry as a whole.

That’s a lot of popularity, right?

I hope you are following along.

“Kaisoo” is what international fans use to refer to “KAI” and “KyungSOO” being paired.

However, in Korea, they are referred to as “KADI”

“KADI” is written as “카디 ” in hangul.

Below is a screencap from an interview for EXO’s 2nd box dvd that included both JI and KS, released in 2015:

As you can see, they both seem to be well informed about their Korean couple name, “Kadi”.

Okay, so what does this mean? Just cuz they know the name doesnt mean they’ve seen what fans draw of them! It should be kept private!

This brings me to my next point.

Again, KADI written in hangul is 카디.

One of Korea’s most popular search engines is “NAVER. It is Korea’s equivalent to GOOGLE in the US. More than 25 million people in South Korea have used NAVER.

NAVER has also collaborated with and sponsored many EXO related things both past and present.

I searched for 카디 in NAVER, and this is what came up:

On almost every page, there were drawings of JI and KS that were intimate and very erotic.

So, this leads me to my final point.

If we look at the timeline and how the kaisoo ship started before debut, it grew to be one of the most popular ships, they both know about their ship name and that erotic images show up when you search their name on NAVER (we could even factor in that JI has had an instagram in the past and that KS has been rumoured to have a private one)…then one could only conclude that the chance of them already having seen and possibly even read what fans have created about them is pretty high.

In short, I know a lot of you want to protect JI and KS and make sure that things like this stay private and out of their reach, but I am 99% sure that its too late for that and they have already seen these things.

I also don’t feel like protection is needed, though, and its because of this reason. If we can conclude that within 4 years they had to have been exposed to “erotic kaisoo fanart/fiction” then we can also conclude that there is a possibility that they aren’t bothered by it too much.

The reason for this once again goes back to the timeline. We know that the kaisoo pairing has been around since 2010. We also know there is a possibility they both knew about their pairing. 

 Hypothetically, lets say that I am and idol and found out that fans were looking at my interactions with another idol and creating sexual imagery out of these reactions and I don’t like it. My first reaction to limit this would be to reduce how much I interact with this person in the public eye. Less touching, less whispering, less laughing and being seen together. Whether fanservice or just normal interaction, if me being shipped with this person made me uncomfortable, the interaction with them would slow down. 

 But Kadi’s interactions with one another didn’t slow down until almost 2 years after debut, which would lead one to come to the conclusion that A.) They are not bothered by being paired with one another, and B.) The reactions slowed down for a reason other than them being uncomfortable with shipping.

I’m pretty sure they’re bothered and just feel like they can’t say anything cuz of SM!!

This is a possibility, but again not very likely. Remember not too long ago when Chanyolk put up that long post on instagram after people found out he started following a specific female idol? And we all know about how vocal Amburr has been lately about ef ex as well. KS was able to politely communicate that he no longer needs gifts from fans, so its safe to say that if shipping him with JI was an issue that would have been conveyed somehow too.

There is also so much evidence from Kaisoo themselves clearly showing how shipping doesnt seem to make them uncomfortable.

We have the sticker set that JI used on his phone. This sticker set was made by and given to him by a fansite:

In this sticker set there were drawings of JI by himself, JI with animals and KS drawings, but not any other member/idol. This also shows that, once again, kaisoo had been shipped by the public for a long time, giving them the likely hood of knowing about it. 

There are  also lots of videos in which you can see both JI and KS smiling at banners of which their ship name had appeared:

And then there is the eery coincidence of JI mentioning that one of his favorite songs was “Montreal” by the weekend, 4 years after it was used in a FMV for a kaisoo fanfic called “Arbitrage”:

Has he read the actual fic? Most likely not. But its possible he may have seen seen the FMV which included clips of him with KS as well.

I want to reiterate agian that this post is not to say that its okay to post sexual works of idol pairings in places that they will see it. Of course it should stay among shippers only. What Im saying is that on a website like tumblr, an idol from south Korea is not likely to see what shippers post and even still, because there are shippers who share things externally and search engines exist…there is the possibility that an idol has already seen what you’re trying to keep from them.

Whether you choose to acknowledge it or not, shipping is and always has been apart of the kpop industry. We know it, the companies know it and idols know it too.

With the internet being such an open way of communicating and sharing things for so many people, its only a matter of time before some nsfw shipping art is leaked on a platform that makes it more accessible to idols. But this is not something that you can blame shipping itself(especially when it is encouraged) or the MAJORITY of shippers for. The majority of us are not sending our NSFW kaisoo art and fics directly to KS and JI themselves. It was even Kaisoo shippers themselves who used our voices to stop the film adaptation of Anterograde Tomorrow in an effort to protect Kaisoo. The majority of us are just talking among ourselves on exclusive and private platforms and sharing our imagination in the form of art.

Every now and then someone may leak things that should have been kept private. But that is an issue for THOSE shippers, not shippers and shipping as a whole. There are good and not so good people in all fandoms, and there is nothing wrong with artistic expression among fans.

So in short, to answer your question…I (clearly) wonder sometimes if Kaisoo has seen what things shippers post about them all the time. I do acknowledge the possibility that they also may have seen these works. I do wonder how it makes them feel, but I also know that they are adults and if they do feel uncomfortable or if they feel its disrespectful they will tell us/show us in their own way and we don’t have to worry about protecting them from things like this. :)

#idk what qualifies as an analysis #lol #anyways #i guess this is one! #kaisoo #kadi #dika #kaisoo analysis #shipping #korean idols #beri theories

[adelindschade]

So since in my previous post I touched on some of the bullshit my dad put us through, I’m going to reiterate some of our last ‘transactions’ before that bridge was burned - one of the many pivotal awakenings I needed to throw those rose colored glasses away. By then I had taken them off and started seeing shit differently but this moment was probably one of the few that prompted me to stop giving a fuck and call it quits for good.

By this point, dad and I are in a rough patch. I gave him an ultimatum about a year from now - right before thanksgiving - to stay off mom, she wasn’t in a position to be losing income for child support when custody was 50/50, etch. - and he’d rather lay into me about not knowing my place (despite me being a 22 YO independent adult) and gaslighting me about not knowing the full situation (bullshit). So we’re not on speaking terms.

I’ll let you know now - family or not, if you piss me, I’m done. I quit. There ain’t no tantrums. There aren’t conversations. After that last text and you ain’t wit the program, I’m duecing out. Peace sign, have good life, motherfucker, I’m out. Adios. Fuck off forever. I had my last straw and I stopped talking altogether. It was mutual. No one was lifting a finger to initiate any sort of discussion after that debacle. .

I ain’t the person who sends holiday or birthday texts. Nah. When I’m done, it’s cold turkey. I cut it off in an instant and I don’t look back. None of this “I’m always here” bullshit or “call me if you have a change of heart”. Nah, fam. Not even with my ex-bestie. She was all about that life after our blow out but I said what I said, I meant it, and I’m not turning back on my words just to re-engage an awkward & inevitably change friendship. That bridge was incinerated and same goes for my Dad.

Also - blocking - I’m all about that life. None of that ‘weak’ shit excuse. I don’t want to be hearing from you. I don’t want to be seeing shit from or about you. I don’t want you creeping on my shit either so your nosy ass can talk about something to your friends. Nah. We’s dead to each other. I blocked a hella ton of people because they nosy AF and messy and I’m not going to enable that shit. My profile is private, too, so they can’t hire their friends to peep for them either. Communication is low so mutual friends or family can’t be talking shit if I don’t have anything to say about the matter. I stay in my fucking lane, you bet your ass you ought to do the same. I ain’t gonna make it easy for you to weave in between the lines so don’t even bother.

I also learned that if people are a) bitching but b) not blocking - that door is still open for more bullshit. That girlfriend of yours talking shit about her on-and-off ex for a billion reasons but still refusing to block his ass? You bet they’re going to be back together by the end of the week. It’s inevitable. They ain’t ready to cut that cord.

My dad was one of those people. His (last I heard, ex) GF was a piece of work. So many stories were born from that messy relationship but he wasn’t dumb AF and continued to justify or make excuses as to why he wanted to work on it. At the end of the day, he made it known he valued her over his own kids, and that was that. He bankrupted himself to support her even though she already had income coming in three different ways and he used that excuse to make all these expectations that were never realized.

This is semi-important. All of this ties together.

When I cut contact, I cut all of it. No birthday text, no happy father’s day text, none of that. I was a making a point and it struck a nerve. He went through mom to tell me I needed to bounce TF off his phone plan (as if I wasn’t paying my portion?? which I learned was MORE than what I actually owed!!). Hmm. Ironic. I was asking him for months to cut me off his plan because he was the account owner and he had to give the approval but all he did was give BS excuses to wait or that I wasn’t financially ready to take on another burden (What?? I was meticulous about my budget and planned ahead for it! I realize now it was because I was paying for part of not just my plan but his, too - hmm). So suddenly now, I’m an ungrateful mooch and need to bounce ASAP.

Luckily I anticipated this but unfortunately had to wait for his go ahead. Because no matter how times I attempted to do it, they still needed certain information only he could give, and it was infuriating that I couldn’t do shit unless he went ahead from HIS account to release the line.

Now, let me input this: I love my phone. It’s old (4+ years) but it works, it functions, and it still in pretty condition because I forked out a shit ton of money for a grade A case that lived up to its reputation (otterbox FTW). So, the only thing I was (or should have been) paying for was just the plan and my ass was grandfathered in so I wasn’t paying for shit for unlimited. However, I was paying twice that amount until this moment. My upgrade was never used because I didn’t need one - it was only for an emergency just in case some shit happened to my phone. I didn’t ever want a new one because the one I had (and still do) does everything I need it to. (Shout out to Samsung!)

Dad, however, was the exact opposite. Constantly upgraded because he HAD to have the new iPhone after it’s release (same applies to my brother which he always catered to) and stealing everyone’s upgrades while still forking out money for the phone he just ditched.

So after days in finagling for the fucking information I needed to just finish the job, he finally makes me the account manager to just take care of it. First it was, oh I haven’t paid the bill yet so I still owe x amount before they make any account change (abet lowkey suggesting I take care of the $400+ invoice - TF I will! Hell no! I’m not the one to be tried today - fuck that noise!) Then it was - oh, well, uh, I couldn’t cover the total so wait until next week so I have the entire bill take care of...

Here’s what went down:

This man never, ever paid the bill in full. He had late fee after late free applied because he was cutting corners.

On top of that, he was constantly adding new devices  - like a new set of Dre Beat wireless headphones - hmm - while apparently not having enough to cover the bill. That’s some piss poor management right there.

Here’s the bonus:

I finally ask the rep to take me off. Wait, there’s a new charge. What? On my line? Repeat that, please??

This man used MY line, MY UPGRADE, while the account still under his name to buy a brand new $1100 iPhone - in payment plans no less! So either someone pays the difference (which is pretty much the whole thing) before I can ever transfer my line to an independent one or - at this point - my mind stopped listening because I was fuming.

Wanna guess where, or rather who, that phone went to? Take a guess - it’s pretty easy - if you thought, hmm, Dad, so did I - but no, it went to his pretty little neurotic piece of a GF. *I learned this later on from my brother who was lamenting about how she got the phone and not him (after his took a nasty fall & cracked the screen).

Folks, I don’t remember how TF I did without forking over money but I did - I got my ass off the plan within a week of the original message, kept my beloved phone (which he can pry from my cold, dead hands) and my number with a manageable plan.

Now, let me tell you, I did not block my dad. My number is still the same as always because it’s damn near connected to everything in my name. I couldn’t bother with a number change because too much inconvenience. I sent him an e-mail saying the deed was done (literally 5 words or less) and he never replied back - that was that.

Fast forward about.... rounded, a couple months. Karma is beautifully served and she kicks his ass to the curb after mooching off what she could without having to do the same. (He’s still a dick and probably did some shit to deserve the restraining order). He crawls back to my mom looking for pity. She reminds him said-ex-GF is not worth it and primarily one of the reasons why he’s estranged with his eldest (me!).

He has the audacity to say the following - oh, I was going to ask her eventually if she wanted to get coffee. (Haha! Hell no! As if I’d be anywhere in the same zip code as this man! I ain’t gonna be trapped listening to his woe-is-me bullshit. Fuck that!)

Mom shakes her head - she knows me well enough. That ain’t gonna fly. She’s not going to respond to that.

He probably scratched his head - what should I do? (*Uh, dumbass, I literally wrote you an e-mail with plain-as-day instructions. First step, apologize, second step, acknowledge your wrong doings, third step, make an vocal and actual effort to fix x amount of issues which I’ve bulleted! Look at your Goddamn archives!)

Mom literally says - show an effort.

He replies - okay... is her number the same??

Bruh. Bruuhh.

At this point, it’s just comedy. I can’t make this shit up.

I’ve never blocked this man. I never changed my number. If he asked, idk, my brother?? He’d confirm - yeah, it’s still the same.

Now under this context, which my mother forewarned me about, he sends me a BS text - oh, thinking about you, hoping you’re doing well, text me, love ya.

What bullshit. Mind you, had his (ex) GF not kicked him to the curb, he’d still be at her side, and I’d still be in exile - so no - not happening. You made your bed, lie in it. See - I look at the bigger picture - it helps with retrospect.

Mark to present: Mom is now on the train which she’s almost always finds her way back on - forgive and forget! He’s your father? Yadda-yadda - you know the naive shit that gets her into trouble because she forgives wayyy too easily the shit no one should put up with. (*I’m all about the resent-and-remember and boii has it served me good).

Mom - has your father texted you yet? He told me he tried again. (As per use, telling one thing, doing another - actions ain’t lining up, pops. Typical).

My inbox: void of any such message(s).

Me - Nope! (proceeds to monologue about his douchebaggery and my intolerance for such antics and how forgiveness is absolutely out of the question.)

Mother  - who is very passive - immediately weans off the topic. She’s the soft spoken but persistent type. (I’m the opposite. I’m the ‘cuss your ass out’ + end of fucking discussion type).

I see things for how they are and I’m ain’t about that bullshit. I know how things operate and I’m not playing the fool this time.

#this is a long post #oh my

[sundrought-blog]

hannah’s super sappy bias list 2k17

☽║☾ OOC. u heard it here folks-- i’m in love w/ all of you....  in all seriousness, it’s been a hard year for me, between  school, work, and family commitments, i felt myself on the  edge of a breakdown all year. truly, it’s only thanks to all of  you lovely angels here that i’m still ready and rearing to meet  2017 head on. b4 i get too sappy and weepy, i just wanted  to say that i appreciate everyone so much!! you’ve all been  nothing but supporting and patient with me even though i’ve  had a very hectic schedule lately. you’ve made me laugh, smile,  and generally, have given me a place and community that i can  truly be happy in. i’ve made invaluable friendships here that i  know i will cherish forever. 

now, i’m gonna give out the bad news before i get to the good  stuff-- i’m officially putting this blog on a semi-hiatus. when university start up again, i will be juggling quite a lot-- between working on my  capstone, preparing myself for a study abroad, general science-y classes,  studying for the MCAT, longer work shifts, and getting ready to apply for medical school, i will need as much free time as i can get. this means i will most likely only be on to rp on the weekends-- however, i will always log onto this blog every day to reply to messages, inbox stuff, etc., so it’s less of me  being away and more that i’ll be even slower than usual w/ my replies.  i’m sorry that i have to do this, but i have to make time for what’s  important in my life right now, and above all else, i have to focus on my  future plans. i do wanna reiterate that i’m not abandoning this blog by any  means-- merely that i will have to take a step back and focus even more on  my studies!! 

and now, to the fun stuff! underneath you’ll find a list of lovelies whom i love  chatting w/ ooc and who make my dash bright and cheery!! *smooches* 

lil’ special mentions: 

@askharukakujo // ELYSE ohmylord are you just the sweetest thing in existence??? i know i say it a lot, but i seriously am so lucky to have become friends with you!! your writing has always been astounding and the amount of love and effort you put into making haruka such a well-developed character is just mind-boggling. thank u so much for sticking w/ me from basically the beginning of this blog!! i love you so much <333333333333333

@viiorels / @edelweissmage // ZACK thank u so much for sticking w/ me for all this time! you have some of the best world-building i’ve ever seen and i sincerely hope you do write a book someday!! i love all of our interactions, and i’ve truly come to love Vai and Mihai so much!! the amount of detail you put into your character’s is amazing and i hope that u have the best year of your life yet!! sending good vibes ur way for, well, forever!! *hugs foreverrrrr* 

@valorandheart + all ur other blogs lmao // JPP you are such an inspiration! you and bun bun are so amazing!! to be writing your own books and everything?? honestly, u guys are one of the reasons i’ve gotten back into writing my novel even tho i had been on a hiatus for like 3+ months. thank u so much for letting me ramble about my novel and listening to me rant about anubis and chet 24/7. you have to be a saint to be able to put up w/ me lmao-- i love being ur friend and i hope that in 2017 you and bun bun complete all ur writing goals for the year!! *insert more gushy words of affection here and a ton of hugs* 

@photographicink // JACKEE *inhumanly screeches* i could go on forever and ever about all the reasons i love you, but it’d take up 99% of this post so i’ll leave u w/ this: thank u so much for befriending me back then!! you were my first online friend and it’s been lovely seeing how much you’ve grown as a person and a writer! i love you for your creativity, your kindness, and overall, for just how awesome you are and how you make me wanna be a better person! i love our oc ramblings, how passionate you are with your writing, and how kind you are! you’re always so positive despite everything going on the past few years and i hope more than anything that 2017 brings you nothing but happiness and good times!! i love you with all my heart!! 

@servusx // MA u are hella cool and deserve all the goodness the world has, okay?? it’s been so awesome talking w/ you ooc and being able to just chat about our muses!! richard has such a special place in my heart-- he’s an absolute sweetie just like you!!!! i hope that 2017 is kind to you and that you continue to grow as a writer! it’s been so great rping w/ you-- ur so talented and it’s always a joy being able to come up w/ different threads/plot ideas. overall, i love how easy it is to talk to you! i really treasure our friendship and i hope we get to rp for many more years to come~ 

@deadmans-last-breath / @badlydrawnphichit // LUKE BRUH *just koala clings forever* you are an adorable boi with so much talent and potential!! you are legit a ray of sunshine on my dash and i’m so happy to have become friends w/ you!! i’m so proud of everything you’ve accomplished in 2016!! know that i’m always rooting for ya and that i love being able to talk to you all the time!! ur an absolute sweetie and that i love all of our interactions!! anubis and arthur are so cute and i’m still squealing over the drawings you’ve done of them ahhhhhh 

@ichorspit // ALEKS you are amazing!!!!!!! i love you and lonnie so much and am so happy when i see you on my dash! ur such a lovely person and i sincerely hope you have a wonderful year!! thank u for sticking w/ me for so long and indulging all my AU ideas and general ramblings! i truly treasure our friendship~ i look forward to rping w/ you more in the future and once again, hope you have a lovely 2017!!!!! *hugs* 

more super rad people who i’m hugging in my mind: 

@xsesi | @unholybloodshed | @agricolor | @wondcrkid | @nightslay | @bxttcrfly | @nymphxllus | @cloudpools | @iimpiia | @electrograins | @carnivoroushowl | @condicionibus | @uiscex | @diamondhortensia | @alicehart | @razalghoul | @phlegmxtical | @pxllidum | @carnivoroushowl | @oplitis | @mulni | @victorianteatime | @lapxus | @omnecosmos | @poppicede | @treurspel | @suncharmed && any others who i may have forgotten!! my memory’s been so bad so forgive me if we’ve interacted and i haven’t tagged you here ;3; 

#☽║☾ out of heartlines | ooc #☽║☾ demands of a god | psa #( r i p i'm such a sap oops )