#but yknow everything else... well it isnt so easy.

[guess--monster]

today is my 24th birthday.

#it rained like it has every year since jjong passed #im sure its him wishing me a happy birthday #im really tired and honestly i dont feel very good. physically im fine #but yknow everything else... well it isnt so easy. #i have no idea what to do with myself or the day. i was supposed to be dead by now but instead here i am #im lost and empty and i think i just want to spend the day alone... its not a day about me anyways #i havent done anything but watch shows on tv that i dont want to see with my mom. #the day is almost night and still nothing has changed #i think ill drink some wine or maybe find a way to get high #and then ill clean or cry or both #now playing: Child by Mark Lee #꼭 먼 남이 되고 싶었어 이 사회와Propane이 부러워 #I need to blow up now #birthday

[meat-house]

im coming into ur inbox to talk abt cranboo tma assignment because hoo boy ive got SO MANY THOUGHTS.

ok so i do have a TMA au and all the characters are based off dsmp obviously

but anyway i digress.

now ranboo is interesting because hes *afraid*. he is full of anxiety over pretty much everything which is what makes it easy for me to see him as at least touched by every entity there is. what jumps out the most for me as the most influential on him is the eye, the spiral, and the web.

with the eye, it's not so much that he fears being watched, although he is terrified of his secrets being known via his do not read journals and uncontrolled enderwalk states. cranboo has the drive to know and learn without really understanding what cost that might bring to himself. finding the portals, both of them, the experiments, the books, the lessons, his silent watching and recording of events that transpired in new lmanburg and the butcher army and in logstedshire and the arctic and the cookie outpost and las nevadas. he is there. he doesnt intervene. he watches, he writes, he records. he stays out of it but he is inextricably weaved into it, yknow? hes terrified of knowing but he digs up his yard anyways to find the disc. he hates dream but still has a nightmare about the prison. he doesnt understand anything about himself and it drives him MAD. he HAS to understand but hes TERRIFIED of what he might find.

this ties into the spiral as well. the prison nightmare, the constant routines, the fractal mining and constantly running around in patterns over and over, the panic room, the journals. its all to keep him grounded but it really only serves as a way to run himself into a rut. he cant tell what is real and what isnt because his routines follow him through everything and his memory keeps failing him and people keep messing with his journals, TRUST NOONE NOT EVEN YOURSELF, hes paranoid and he backs himself into corners but the floor is falling out from underneath him, yknow?

the web is also a prominent influence especially with how much he doubts himself and his first hand account of how dream has manipulated tubbo and tommy and EVERYONE else, with his dreams and the enderwalk and failing memory he doesnt know who to trust and he doesnt know peoples intentions and he doesnt know if his actions are his own because he cant remember.

those i think are the most prominent influences on him but with the other entities there is some sway there as well:

the buried: the panic room, the hidden disc, all his underground tunnels and small tight rooms and squirreling away

the corruption: he is filled with debilitating fear that through his own or someone elses actions he is becoming a bad or evil person

the dark: panic room, made of obsidian.

the end: paranoid totem collection to keep his friends safe

the flesh: ties into his fear of conflict and how that conflict has changed himself and his friends. acidic tear scars.

the hunt: ties into the fear of being watched, hes scared that people will find him and hurt him if his secrets are revealed. definitely exacerbated after the butcher army and doomsday.

the lonely: he spends hours by himself. terrified of taking sides so his indecision severs any ties he has

the slaughter: conflict avoidant tendancies springing from a fear of war and divisions and what those kinds of things can bring

the stranger: see the prison nightmare again. uncanny valley off the charts. he doesnt know dream but dream knows him there is Something Not Right

the vast: ties into the spiral, infinite and unending tunnels and rooms and hallways, cranboos limbo is water as far as the eye can see

the extinction: paranoia over the nukes store in snowchester. his panic over impending doomsday. the helplessness to stop or slow any of it.

cranboo fascinates me to no end. i personally think that he could be The Archivist if he tried hard enough

LITERALLY THIS IS IT EXACTLY GOD THIS FEELS LIKE MY BRAIN HAS BEEN EXAMINED AND LAID OUT BEFORE ME THIS IS MY EXACT THOUGHT PROCESS

ur so right about literally everything ranboo is sooooooo archivist coded it’s insane

also for his the end connections i wanna add how he was always doomed to die by his creator, like his death was prolonged but he was still always meant to die

#cranboo thoughts

[sereniv]

like its really fun to reconstruct your meals to be without alternatives, or at least cutting out most. but sometimes it can be boring

salad with italian dressing i like. crutons that juat happen to be vegan. but no cheese, but thats fine

sandwhich with no mayo but maybe avocado, still expensive but less, but have to prepare more. not too bad. but then no cheese or meat. but onions and pepper and idk could be done

burrito with vegetables chips and tortilla. no sour cream. pretty difficult because the sour cream adds moisture. no meat and cheese is fine. doable but not enjoyable. as in force myself to finish it

pasta with spaghetti sauce easy. bread but no butter, olive oil is fine enough I guess. no mac n cheese unless using nooch. mac n cheese a bust for me

snacks are nuts and chips and crackers and fruit. i start to get antsy and crave brand name snacks could probably manage tho

no ice cream. nice cream takes time.

roasted vegetables are good. no butter

no butter for rice. makes things bland

so overall if someone were like me, theyd get food but itd be depressing

if they were like me and were able to figure what was most important, and what was more manageable then i think theyd be well off

if they are able to splurge then go for it

for me sour cream is a must but i can lessen the amount i use. sandwhich doesnt need meat. roasted vegetable sandwich with cheese onion spreadable garlic sounds good

butter is a must mayo lasts a while like once a month if i focus on diversifying my meals

ice cream isnt necessary.

i have the time to do this. not everyone does it tkaes effort and energy to change stuff like this

because also, cravings and change and all that can be near impossible to deal with!

thats why you have to always check in with yourself. give yourself challenges this is why I say have FUN

Bc if you dont have a legitimate reason for yourself making these changes it just falls flat.

going vegan was easy. but going healthy non alternative plant based is hard.

i usually go good for the first week and then cave. as in processed foods are made to be addicting.

but im able to cut out ice cream bc after a while i stop craving it, as long as im allowing myself some chocolate like chocolate dipped banana or just chips out the bag.

Sour cream i can lessen bc i love going overboard with condiments lol which saves money

i used to use butter a LOT globs on pancakes and bread and in everything. thrn i switched to olive oil sometimes and also realized i used it in things that didnt need it like mac n cheese

like when you get comfy with alternatives (or the real thing) you forget what you can live without its like you just eat without thinking

i had a friend, and ive heard this in other ppl too- going plant based and cutting out cheese and meat even when they were the biggest meat and cheese eater. and didnt realize how much was just habit

and you never know until you keep at it. check in once a month and think about food

theres so many products that come out and its exciting bc i want to try it. and i usually do

i just got like 7 bags of jerky nearly 6 dollars for not that much. its not something i need or even need to be emotionally happy. so when they are gone im going to try and find an alternative to that alternative like make a trail mix

yknow what makes it easier? actually listing the food you eat as meals. being able to visualize it so its not just going off of what your brain tells your stomach and tongue.

or else you end up eating a whole bag of chips instead of just having a side of chips

#btw i want to eat healthier for myself #im not upset at what i eat bc its good its delicious #but it just feels nice to eat nore vegetables and fruit #and also nice to save money! #and nice to learn more control- not as an ED. control like #actually thinking of your meals. bc rn i just grab anything and i end up even forgetting if ive eaten #but when i thought about my meals i was able to prepare them more amd better #i was able to enjoy them more bc i wasnt just putting items in my mouth. i was thinking about ingredience #and i was able to not over eat which can hurt. #those are always nice times when i do that

[ankhisms]

going 2 briefly use my blog as my diary im doing ok rn dont worry im just wanting to muse about some thoughts and feelings on things

its been maybe like... four months maybe or something like that since my oldest friendship just suddenly fizzled out where for ten years we would talk literally every day and then suddenly for no reason i can think of he just stopped responding to me. we have each other on snapchat and the most interaction weve had is sending each other pictures of our pets and stuff occassionaly and sometimes exchanging a little bit of chatting about whatever we sent to one another on there but its like.. very much not the same yknow. like i guess were still on good terms at least i think we are i have nothing but deep love for him in my heart but at first i was so confused and hurt, we hadnt gotten into an argument or anything everything was completely normal and then one day he just stopped talking to me. ive been really sad about it off and on but this past like month or so i think that ive just come to accept it and its not hurting me as much. i do sometimes still feel sad about it, but im glad that we still have some contact even if its just sending pictures of our cats, and now im almost realizing that maybe this is for the better. idk thats not really the right wording for it but i feel like i tangled my own existence up in his for so long that maybe it contributed to my issues with my sense of self (not at all blaming him for that) and ive felt like. lighter recently where i know that i cant force someone to talk to me and i cant change how someone else feels. all i can do is care and have compassion and try my best, and ive already been trying and reaching out and i cant force someone to take my hand when i reach out to them with it. and like.. i do think that there were some times when we were younger that he didnt treat me fairly or was kind of shitty, but we were kids and i dont hold that against him or think that hes shitty now but it makes me worried that hes somehow going back to unhealthy mindsets or habits. idk part of me feels like maybe it boils down to us somehow becoming different people even though it didnt feel like anything was wrong at all or like we were drifting apart or becoming too different to still be friends. and yeah i guess thats all to say that im thinking about it and him and im sad about it but not in a soul crushing overwhelming way but in a way where i go i love you i hope youre well even if you dont want to walk through life together anymore

something else thats been nagging at me recently is just how looming and big my self doubt is and how much i struggle with confidence and not only not believing in myself but also being overcome with the feeling that no one believes in me. rationally i know that feeling isnt true and that theres so many wonderful people in my life who support me and believe in me but its linked to my paranoia issues and is really hard to shake off. i know that theres no easy solution to having insecurities like this and that really you have to just keep moving forward and trying your best despite them, but it can be really difficult in my situation where im essentially trapped in a toxic home and isolated by my parents who control as much of my life as they possibly can and i think because of that along with a life time of abuse its a lot harder for me to even to begin to build up confidence or push away the feeling of no one believing in me even if again, i know this is not rational or true

anyway thank you if you read this ily again im fine i feel alright rn i just needed to get some thoughts out. i want to learn to believe in myself and to be confident in myself

[self-h-rmageddon]

ramble about my aromantic tendencies cuz im all. confused im SURE theres a word for this i just think im not ready??? i think like. not in a personal way, in a PHYSICAL way like something needs to change before id ever CONSIDER IT, makes me sick otherwise like theres so many things!! so many hurdles and stuff that would deter me from all that nonsense but i still like the idea of it like the idea is so sweet, its why i enjoy it so much in fiction but. in execution? IDK MAN.. freaks me out for so many reasons

romantic love is so cute bro like. its genuinely adorable to me, i love listening to love songs and just feeling the emotion and passion behind all the words, but ummmmmmm. i think realistically im capable? i just think that any attempt wouldnt go well, i dont think i can give someone what they might need, its always been like. okay 1. im going to be OBSESSED with you ill do anything you say ill let you mistreat and abuse me ill do anything for you okay which is not ideal!! not ideal, made for bad people dont want bad people. but?? on the other hand its also like i cant imagine loving another person more than i love my friends, but thats whats expected of me isnt it? i think they wouldnt like it very much if i had an equal amount but like. is it even possible? I REALLY DONT KNOW.. i know ive said it before, i just feel like. love, not platonic not romantic just LOVE pure unlabeled love. what kind of treatment would i give to a partner that i dont already give to my friends? itd go really wrong there im sure, i dont wanna hurt anybody yknow

idk its like such a cute little fantasy tho isnt it? maybe i meet someone and we become friends and then it leads to something more, is going on dates fun? maybe it would be but. i go on dates with my friends!!!!!! like is it different? i guess, but im out with someone i love i dont see how it could be much different

sometimes it feels like people like me dont get that. its hard to be good enough for someone else, like. i know theres like 8 billion people in the world but its always. im too fat im trans im not hot enough im too mentally ill im too awkward too. TOO EVERYTHING!! so on top of like. how can someone possible be more than what i already have, i have to be good enough too!!!!! so much work, i honestly. after brian, i was so content to just fall back on fictional characters, i know it sounds silly but self shipping LITERALLY saved my life i was hanging by a thread after him and then i found a coping mechanism that made me feel so good

i think its uncertainty, when it comes to fictional relationship? i make the rules, the scenarios, its perfect for me but. in real life you cant do that, im thrown in BLIND. i know its part of life, you learn and grow together but erm... im autistic please dont do this to me PLEASE if i plan out my conversation at a grocery store with the clerk and im STILL THROWN OFF... yeeowch!!

thats the thing im very offputting to other people like. something about me, i can see it in their eyes, see the way they kinda. like im. somethings all wrong with me!!!! they dont like it, i cant imagine myself being charming but.. maybe if i start T, ill be less. dreadfully anxious about seeing other people, then maybe ill flourish a little more. we'll see, it still freaks me out the thought of loving someone more than my friends like TO ME i dont think its possible and i dont want to find out about it okay it makes me sick it feels like betrayal, never tell me otherwise or ill feel awful, its betrayal to me!!!! cuz i want to give my friends the most i can give, they deserve it, so like. what, am i supposed to give less? give someone else more?? like ew who are you1!!! i dont need you i just need my besties thats all i need :] but its still a nice thought isnt it? its cute

i think i just have like a limit on the amount of people i can know at one time, ive always wanted more friends and i have more friends now!! sooo i dont realy need anyone else then? its very easy for me to feel satisfied with what i have, of course i am!!! grateful even!!!! so im like. it just doesnt matter so much to me. nice thought but i dont see it happening like i dont really WANT it to happen like i do but also. like. listen.

am i still gonna throw down to little love songs? absolutely yes sir!! to me tho like its feelings i can easily project onto my friends SKFJS like how me and my bestie kiss eachother on the head okay. because i loooooove them, its so easy because i love them!! its a love song, i dont care what kind of love its made for, i feel love and ill hear it how i want :] ITS. its some weird social bullshit okay, who says we cant? who says we cant go on little friend dates and kiss and hug and be in love with eachother while also being JUST friends? WHO SAYS!!!! its what i dont get, theres some disconnect between romantic and platonic love that i dont see at all. why should one be more valued than the other? hogwash okay its gobbledygook its. nonsense!!! im glad i dont see it that way, the hard part is finding other people who also dont see it that way, i realize my feelings on it arent STANDARD.. still, im satisfied. i have a lot of love to give and im always allowed to give it, isnt that so wonderful?

#i said like 34 times here #very californian of me #this is some crazy bpd moodswing shit alright i know i sound very whimsical here but #watch me crash in like 20 minutes into the deepest darkest depression ever witnessed #maybe ill survive actually. its hard to feel very upbeat at all given the circumstance #this is the lightest ive felt since he went missing #it will not last. why would it

[lostacelonnie]

Thank you! I kinda just. Realized i pay for all my own stuff & have for years so whats stopping me y'know. Oh we love to hear about the fall of far right leadership i hope that turns out well & you can get your eventual hrt as well. Oh yeah i never wear swimsuits to the beach typically. Always been with people i dont like or too many strangers for my liking. But i like to find seashells & stuff. Oh? English is such a weird language having a partner to learn from who's fluent is like. Required almost. So im glad you had one. I appreciate when people are chill as long as you try its nice & leaves room for mistakes that'll happen inevitably. Got confused for a moment & the concept of having a birthname you dont have listed in your bio lost me like. What do ya mean you had any different name what. Both mine are easy so i dont have that as a first name problem. Where is tromso? I wish you luck in that fall/winter trips are so nice. I especially love to go camping in them because less people so more space. Oh she just gets all the counters wow. Gonna have to focus on her a bit for sure. I dont know if i have enough for guaranteed kafka but i will probably try. Just to see what happens. If nothing else i hope bronya or welt come home for you. Fontaine is one of the regions im most interested in so ill stick through for it but i might squeeze a break in towards natlan honestly. Chasm was. A pain anyways i do not blame you for skipping it honestly. Thats an average day in warsaw? Wild. Ohhh that sounds like it was a blast please pass belated birthday wishes to avery for me. Hair dye is such a fun thing to do congrats on the red! I wanna dye mine again soon. Eyeliner is a thing i wanna teach myself to do too ive just been. Forgetting a lot

yeah thats very understandable!!! and thank you!! after a long time i finally feel at least a little hopeful ab this countrys future but well see. yeah i have the exact same thing but at the same time drying a lot of clothes is Annoying [esp on camps since thats the main place i actually go into the water on] so i often just put regular clothes over a swimsuit. win-win situation. seashells ARE fun to find but i always forget to bring sth to carry them sjdjflksjf plus its pretty hard to find actually nice ones, over here at least. YEAH god plus the way english is taught in polish schools does NOT help so honestly if i didnt have additional lessons i probably wouldnt have learned anything despite studying for a looooong time. and yeah its that way with almost anything isnt it. AH I DO THAT EXACT THING SO OFTEN i genuinely forget that people Have birthnames. or even names in general i just treat usernames as first names a lot of the time. tromso is the place in norway i was in!! pretty far up north but very charming. thank you!! ahhh i almost never go camping but perhaps One Day..... yeah clara has been my best friend ever since i got her. shes so fun to use. thankies and good luck to both of us!!! already got 106 pulls ready + the 9 more from the login event + 20 days left to grind so while i defo wont get enough for guarantee i think it might be possible for me to get her. honestly the region im most excited for is snezhnaya and thats gonna be the last one released iirc so. still a while until that happens. but at least when/if i come back im gonna have a lot of stuff to check out so thats fun. i unfortunately suffer from having to see everything thats new Immediately so i often speedrun new versions in 3 days and them im like....... What Now........ until the next update and then the cycle repeats. ah i should play more games that arent released this way. but yeah while the chasm was quite pretty imo and the story was. well. it wasnt STUNNING but it was fun. but the exploration aspect SUCKED good lord i hated how i could never quite tell if im in the region displayed on the map or below it. agh. glad thats over. and well yknow how it is with big cities, at least i live in a fairly peaceful part so we dont really have big stuff like that often. i will!! and thanks!! i agree hair dye IS very fun but unfortunately my hair texture makes it really hard for dye to stick so it washes off quickly :'] but alas. and yeah fair jdjfklg i have the same thing PLUS. its annoying i can never get it even

#actually speaking of updates. star rail 1.2 ahhhhhhhh........ fun #AND honkai 6.8 relatively soon #bringing the second great art book war with it #equally scared and excited #asks #pen pals

[sapphic-bifrost]

its funny bc i figured out my ex is now dating the person she was emotionally cheating on me with for months at the same time that i was literally making myself sick just to make extra time for her, time which she repeatedly disrespected and effort which she repeatedly disregarded even though it was negatively affecting every single other aspect of my life and I communicated all of this to her regularly <3

up until that exact moment i would have still wanted to hear her out and try to be friends if she ever pulled her head out of her ass and stopped mincing words with me, but turns out she’d rather move on to the next person who wont ask anything of her at all while giving her everything humanly possible. yknow instead of actually trying to figure out how to be a person with “valid emotions” that doesnt use the validity of their own emotions to nullify the validity of the negative emotions of everyone else affected by her actions, a mindset that causes everyone who has any sort of conflict with her to feel worse and worse about themselves because no matter what to do, she finds a way to make everything your fault and make you feel bad for things that are objectively her fault, and when she cant make an excuse she just stops communicating and doesnt apologize sincerely if at all, and then never takes initiative to actually fix any of the problems that she’s involved in. And then when you finally run out of mental energy bc you’ve been working alone, you finally give up and then she plays the victim, as if her lack of attention and empathy and emotional intelligence and effort isnt the cause of every single problem that other people have with her, problems that could be easily solved if she ever actually listened to anyone tell her anything and thought critically about how her actions affect other people instead of just about how she feels and what she wants.

basically i spent so much of my fucking life on this person and after finding this last thing out, i can finally say i regret it. i dont regret that it proved my own strength of character and faith in people and empathy and patience and ability to choose love until the last possible moment. i dont regret how i behaved because i did the best i could, and it was far more than i should have been doing for such a long period of time. i dont regret how i was, because either i did well or made mistakes and grew from them, no thanks to any communication from her. but i regret that i spent it on someone who wasn’t worth it. i regret that she was the receiving end of my efforts. i regret that i didnt spend that effort loving someone who would have made it all worth the cost. someone who would never have been that expensive to begin with.

i made such a mistake the first time i stayed, and the second time, and the third, and every time i wanted to leave but worked through it on my own without her even knowing, and then came back to communicate with her instead in the hopes that she’d care enough to fix it without the ultimatum of a breakup threat. even the breakup wasnt enough for her to even reflect and be honest and open and actually vulnerable instead of toeing the line of honesty and jumping back at the first moment you arent coddling her. not sure why she still fails to grasp the concept that it’s not other people’s job to always make it easy for you to solve your own problems. they can help, they can be sympathetic, they can listen, but people are entitled to their own reactions and emotions too, especially when the problem being addressed is one that hurts that person’s feelings (especially more when the person’s feelings arent being hurt bc they made a mistake and admitting it bruises their ego, but rather that their own emotions are being invalidated or disregarded or directly attacked). that it’s not your job to have to work to be told the truth. you keep a person’s trust, and then the person who “trusts” you needs to come forward on their own. and even knowing all that, i still swallowed the knife and tried to put my own negative emotions aside to make it ~easy~ for her to actually try and communicate honestly without me coaxing it from her for once. and it was such a mistake. such a mistake to think that with enough patience and enough love and enough unreciprocated work, with enough of a ~fighting chance~, she would become the person i believed she was, believed she could be. it was such a mistake to disregard the hefty personal cost that came with giving that to her, thinking she was worth it. i know all that now, and lord knows how impressed i am that i chose to love her for that long when even before we dated she was the first person to ever make me feel deeply hurt to the point of physical illness. im impressed i even gave her as much as i did. everyone who knows says so too, even those who always play devils advocate and try to help me brainstorm what the other person is feeling to try and understand. they were at a loss, i saw one of the most well-from-the-other-person’s-pov leaning guy stare at the ceiling for a minute, then go “uh. usually i can see the other side but im literally…. ? there is no other side here. you were right and you didnt deserve that. im so sorry” and bitch i almost cried right there

anyways needed to write all this out now that im not raging anymore. current man held me and listened to me talk about it last night because i was so fucking mad and he was so kind and sweet and we moved into affectionate talking and sweet cuddling and after a minute of looking at my face, he put his face into my neck and said quietly “she doesnt know what she lost” and god I appreciate him so much.

[wastelandlovingscenarios]

crushing companions reacting to f!sole being caught under the mistletoe by someone who ISNT him?

omg, that’s so funny to think about. some are longer than others so i hope you don’t mind (also i got a little carried away). please enjoy! ❤️

i feel like i moved away from the topic but yknow.. ☠️

christmas/new years reacts are still open!

-

somehow, he was dragged into this and had no choice but to attend upon soles request, not being able to say no due to his obvious crush on her. now he was here, mindlessly listening to the chattering of the person who accompanied him during the party, being absolutely bored out of his mind despite the liveliness of the party. as the person continued on, words not being absorbed, his eyes scanned the area for sole, wanting to at least see her once during the whole event and hopefully strike a conversation before it ended.

he expected to see everything; her chatting with some people, maybe putting out some food, or playing with the kids, but what he didn’t expect was to find her under the mistletoe with someone else. someone that wasn’t him.

Danse:

his world stopped for a mere second, all his surroundings becoming blurred as he focused on the scene the raveled before him, unknowingly holding his breath while he did so. his mind slowly processed what was happening and once it completely settled in, a wave of genuine irritation and jealousy began to crash over him. danse being danse, he tries to keep his emotions under control as best as he can. on one hand, sole has the freedom to do anything and everything with anyone she pleases with... and on the other? he wants to pull her into his arms for him and him only.

as the person leans in for a kiss, he leaves no room for debate as he unconsciously rushes his way there, unable to cope with the idea of his precious crush sharing such contact with someone else. sole would yelp in shock as she was pulled away from the person without explanation. he ignored sole’s questions as he dragged her to a quiet corner, not thinking straight.

his eyes stayed on the individual, glaring at them silently with a displeased look as if sole wasn’t staring up at him with the most confused expression. the protective hold on her wrist never detached, the grip still as tight as when he first grabbed it.

she coughed to get his attention and his gaze immediately fell on her, forgetting that he had dragged her without a reason. he would be struck with horror, his heart stopping at the realization that he had done so without registering it. “so, uh. mind explaining what that was for?”

his face would go completely red, his mouth opening to respond, but much to his dismay, nothing came out. the words became tangled in his throat as he tried to come up with anything to cover him from the truth but eventually came to the conclusion that there was no way he could save himself at this point. swallowing nervously, he slowly slid the hand that grabbed her wrist to enevelope hers and with a flushed expression, he knew he had a lot of explaining to do. no better time to do it than christmas day, right?

Deacon:

if someone were to ask deacon why he was so afraid to fall in love again, this would be the exact reason why. he didn’t like the familiar feeling that began pooling in his stomach and the unwanted envy and insecurities that began to surface. instead of showing his discomfort, he smiled through it all and excused himself from the conversation, quickly sneaking up on them. he didn’t have a plan, but he knows damn well that he could at least make one.

before the person could lean in for a kiss, he’d pop out of no where, cutting the individual off even before they had the chance. with a “panicked” expression, he’d grab sole by the shoulder before she could let a word out, ignoring the confusion on her face. “charmer! i just came here to say...” he stopped for a moment, giving her the longest stare as the awkward silence began to build up, “..that you look great today, partner!”

she would send him a look of disbelief. “seriously, deeks? all that just to say i look good?”

“someone’s sounding a little ungrateful during the holiday season, tsk. a thank you would be nice.” he shook his head disapprovingly, both ignoring the individual that watched them dumbly, unsure of what to say. he then pointed to the door behind him while keeping a disappointed expression, “also, dogmeats totally destroying your vault suit.”

“he’s WHAT?!” sole nearly yelled, covering her moth instantly as she received stares left and right. with a paled expression, she’d laugh nervously and run towards the other way, excusing herself in a hurry. “sorry, gotta go!”

deacon would smile and pat himself on the back at the accomplishment of his mission. the person would be left dumbfounded at what just happened. “uhhh..”

with a smirk, he’d turn over to the individual and look up back at the mistletoe that hung above them. “so you gonna kiss me or what loverboy? these lips can’t wait forever.” and just like that, the person immediately shook their head and left the area with an embarrassed expression. he scoffed as he watched them drag away to another area of the party. that’ll teach them not to mess with him.

now he just needed to find another lie to tell sole when she realizes that dogmeat wasn’t at all destroying her vault suit but was instead sleeping by the fire.

Maccready:

maccready is many things; petulant, angry, and absolutely jealous to his core and does not bother to hide it. he disregards the person he’s talking to, immediately stomping off towards soles direction without a word spared to the individual that accompanied him. sole would hear the loud footsteps behind her and would turn around upon hearing the noise, seeing a red faced maccready making his way to them with the biggest scowl ever. the person would raise a brow, absolutely bewildered at macs behavior as they stepped forward in attempt to shield sole.

“hey man, you good-“

“take a hike, buddy.” mac shot back through gritted teeth, his tone full of venom. the persons confused and concerned expression would soon turn into a surprised one, full of disbelief at the words that left the mercenary’s mouth. before they could respond with just as much attitude, sole would stop the situation from escalating, a sweet tone in her voice.

“okay, okay. take it easy.” she cut in between the two heated individuals and slipped her hand in macs own, instantly earning a surprised and flustered from him. she looked at the person with a apologetic smile, “i’m sorry, please give us a moment.”

and just like that, she’d pull him to a more private area of the party, folding her arms with a demanding expression.

“what the hell was that?”

mac would try to pretend as if he was irritated, whining quietly but loud enough for her to hear. he’d throw his arms in the air dramatically in response, letting his emotions take over the best of him. “they were gonna kiss you!” then he began to panic more, realizing the position he dreadfully put himself in with little to no ways to take him out. “i mean- uh- they were gonna- i was-“

“so what if they were gonna kiss me?” she raised a brow, a small smirk forming on her face as she pieced together what was happening. “what then?”

“i- i-“ he began stammering, unable to find excuses this time around. he mentally beat himself up, instantly regretting the fact that he allowed his emotions to take control of the situation instead of his mind. ultimately, he gave up as soles eyes bored into him, his voice dying down into a quiet whisper. “i-i don’t know.”

sole would let out a laugh, entertained by his reaction, leaving mac a blushing and embarrassed mess as he looked towards the other direction, hands stuffed in his pockets. “don’t laugh at me.” he murmured, face growing more red.

she would immediately stop upon request but the smile on her face never left as she stepped forward, placing a hand on his bicep. “if you were trying to let me know you liked me, you got the message across.” mac grew rigid at the words that left her mouth but made no attempt to deny them, knowing the truth of it , “and just to give you a straight up answer..” she tiptoed and placed a quick kiss on his cheek, his eyes widening upon contact. he felt himself freeze at the softness of her lips.

“i like you too.” she whispered against his flushed skin and he nearly fainted from the intensity of the situation. what a way to celebrate christmas.

Hancock:

everyone knows hancock has it absolutely bad for sole, so for someone to approach her in such a brave manner secretly ticked him off. he saw the stupid ass smile that plastered that persons face and he wanted nothing more but to slap it off them. he’d look at the person accompanying him, holding a finger up to shush them for a moment with force, “hold that thought, sister/brother. got something i need to take care of.” and he’d immediately make his way to them, not wasting a precious second.

“sunshine!” he’d call out to sole with open arms and a smug smile, immediately attracting her attention away from the individual who wore an irritated expression upon seeing hancock. her face lit up with happiness, a grin stretching across her cheeks. “hey hancock!”

hancock would throw an arm over soles shoulders, gazing lovingly at them as she giggled. “looking beautiful as always, i see.” he chuckled at the redness forming on her cheeks. “so how’s my favorite girl doing?”

they’d continue on their conversation as if the other person wasn’t currently in their presence, wanting to continue where they left off. the endless compliments and inside jokes made them uncomfortable, unsure of what to do or say at the moment. “um hello?”

sole would smile sympathetically upon seeing the irritated expression on the persons face. “oh, sorry. got a little distracted.” hancock would cut in with a smirk, feeding off the persons reactions. “sorry brother/sister, we’re busy.” he pointed at the mistletoe above them, going straight to the point and sole let out a surprised, “huh?” with a flushed face. “now scram before i make you do it.”

the person cursed under their breath and stomped off elsewhere, leaving hancock satisfied and accomplished. sole would shyly look up at him. “so did you mean what you said or was that to help put me in a more comfortable position?”

he looked down at her, thinking for a moment but smiled warmly to ease her tension. “a mix of both, sunshine. if you’re still up for that kiss, i’d be more than happy to do so with your permission.”

she would become more flushed at his response but would grin happily. “you didn’t need a mistletoe to kiss me, hancock. i was more than willing to if you felt the same.”

“guess now we know, huh?” he’d whisper softly and tilt her chin up, slowly closing the distance between them both.

Nick Valentine:

nicks smile faltered in response, his eyes observing the scene before him for a little while. something in him throbbed with pain at the way the person smiled at her confidently as she stood still, not rejecting his offer and he took that as a sign that she allowed it. he excused himself from the conversation politely before it could happen and walked out of the room without a second thought to allow himself to have a breather. the muffled holiday music would fall on his ears as he took a seat on the patio, quietly attempting to push away the idea that sole was indeed having fun with someone else.

lighting up a cigerrate, he quietly watched the christmas lights that lit up the street with a sigh and took a drag, wanting to get the thought out of his mind as soon as possible. perhaps he’d head on back to diamond city as soon as he was done with his cigar, hopefully having the courage to thank sole for inviting him with a smile. nick wouldn’t realize how much time had passed or how long he’s been out in the cold until he heard a voice calling out his name faintly behind him.

“nick?” he’d look over his shoulder and immediately throw the cigar on the ground, stepping on it upon realizing who the voice belonged to. composing himself, he’d address her with a forced smile.

“hey there, doll.”

sole would smile back at him and stop in her tracks, looking at the empty spot near nick. “is this seat taken?”

“not at all. never taken for you.” sole giggled softly and sat near him, giving him some space. he quietly removed his jacket, placing it over her shoulders and she chortled, sending him a small thanks in return as she pulled the coat closer to her body. a silence surrounded the two for a moment before he broke it, not wanting to appear suspicious. “what brings you out here, doll?”

sole thought for a moment before responding, “i just came here to check on you.” she said with a worried smile, “i saw that you weren’t around and well.. they told me you just suddenly up and left the party, so i just had to check.”

he smiled, a warm feeling filling his body. even at times where she was occupied by other things, she still cared about his well being. “i’m doing just fine, no need to worry. besides, i know you’re busy with your date, so i wanted to give you some space.”

“my.. what?” she was pulled back at the words that left his mouth but then responded quickly upon realization, “oh! you mean the person you saw me with? no, no, nick that’s a misunderstanding!” she laughed. “they were just doing that whole mistletoe tradition thing, yknow. where they kiss and stuff... but i’m pretty sure you know about it.”

he gazed at her as she continued to speak, pausing in between as she processed her thoughts. she stared at the ground. “i didn’t kiss them though. i rejected them and told them i wasn’t interested.”

a sudden flood of relief washed over nick and he let out a breath he never knew he was holding, the dreading feeling in his chest immediately turning into nothing. “is that so?”

“yeah. i had other plans too, so it just wouldn’t work out either way.” she smiled with a blush, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. he looked at her with a curious expression. “did you manage to get around to those ‘other plans’?”

she blushed and scooted closer to him, leaning in to place a kiss on his cheek softly, immediately sending him to shock. his eyes fell on her the moment he realized what was happening and felt something inside him whir loudly. once she pulled away, she grinned at him shyly with a completely flushed face. “i have now.” she beamed happily as he touched the spot where she kissed, a smile of his own growing. “merry christmas, nick.”

he pulled her in, wrapping both his arms around her and kissed her temple lovingly as he whispered.“merry christmas, sole.” sole let out a pleased sigh at the contact, melting into his embrace.

Sturges:

sturges would swallow with a small, forced smile, trying to hide his discomfort in front of the eyes of others. much to his luck, he was great at doing that. his eyes would remain on her, not being able to avert it elsewhere no matter how hard he tried. despite his strange change of behavior, he’d still try to contribute the the conversation he was held hostage in, but give shorter replies, uninterested. a series of ‘uh-huh’, ‘yeah’, and hums would leave his mouth instead of well thought replies as he continued to focus on the scene nearby.

once sole presented a sign of discomfort that he was well aware of, he’d immediately excuse himself as apologetic as possible, quickly pacing to her. as he made it closer to them, he’d speak with a friendly tone, not wanting to make the situation worse. “hey now, is everythin’ alright here?” his eyes would flicker from sole for a while and then to the person who stood in front of her, a scowl on their face as they looked straight at him. he didn’t mind; if it meant irritating the person away from sole as far as possible, then so be it. he had no plans to leave now and he definitely wasn’t going to do so, even at soles commands.

“yeah, it’s just fine.” they said with an annoyed tone and sturges would reply with just as much attitude. “i wasn’t askin’ you.” he would then turn back to sole who smiled at him with relief, and he knew he made the right decision. “i’m okay, sturges.”

“i hope this fella wasn’t botherin’ ya too much, sole.”he commented loud enough for them to hear and their face went red with anger as they shot him a glare. “whatever, man.” and would stalk off towards the other direction with mumbled insults.

he’d sigh disapprovingly as he watched the person walk off childishly and then look back at her with a smile. “you okay, sweetheart?”

“of course i am. i was about to tell him off anyway.” she smiled happily at him and he felt his heart melt at the sight. “i’m glad you stepped up and saved me the trouble though. i really appreciate it.”

“no need for a thank you. i just did what was right.”

sole laughed and tiptoed, resting a hand on his cheek and before sturges could react, she placed a lingering kiss on his cheek, closing her eyes in bliss as she did so. once she retreated, she caught the familiar crimson that dusted his cheeks and giggled at the surprised expression on his face.

“my way of saying thank you since you won’t accept it and, uh..” she pointed at the mistletoe above them and he smiled nervously, letting out a shaky laugh. “gotta follow the tradition, yknow?”

“well, ain’t that a lovely way to say thank you.”

she nodded, taking both his hand in hers and stepped closer so that he could hear her murmur. “hope you don’t mind me saying thank you like that from now on.”

he leaned his forehead on hers and chuckled. “not at all.”

Preston:

preston would immediately show reaction to it, his smile dropping completely and his eyes widening in what seemed like terror and devastation. the words around him would become nothing but static and the music would be blurred as he felt time slow down. he knew sole deserved the best, but deep down, he hoped he was the best for her and maybe this was just the answer he was waiting for all along. with a heavy heart, he’d look away from the scene before it could happen and grow uncharacteristically silent throughout the whole conversation. he didn’t even bother to spare a second glance and tilted his hat down, afraid of what he’ll see.

when sole approached him later that night during the party, he jolted and automatically felt his heart drop as he met eyes with the one person he had it bad for. he tried his best to pull a smile but failed miserably as it looked absolutely forced.

“hey preston, not enjoying the party or something?” she said quietly, taking a seat next to him on the couch. the concern on her face meant she was picking up the unusual signs he was exhibiting and he felt panicked, knowing there was no escape.

“just not feeling it, that’s all.” he responded, looking back down at his drink on in his hand.

“we both know that’s a lie, preston. i can see right through you.” well it was worth a shot. “mind telling me what’s on your mind?”

he thought for a moment, wondering if it was worth telling sole about his feelings at this point since he had already gotten his answer. maybe he could fake it with a smile and carry on with the conversation casually in hopes that she’ll eventually drop it or maybe he could excuse himself elsewhere for the rest of the night to think to himself. instead, he just let out a deep breath and put down his drink.

“mind if we talk outside then?” sole smiled and nodded, standing from the couch and offered him a hand to help him up. they exited the building and walked down the quiet streets of sanctuary, side by side. sole remained quiet, waiting for preston to break the silence instead of forcing it out of him.

“you know what i’m about to tell you, i hope it doesn’t change anything between us.” he filled the stillness of the air and felt a small hand gently grab his bicep to stop him from walking any further. he looked back and caught the reassuring smile on her face. “you know it won’t change anything.”

he looked down at his feet, a blush forming on his face. “i know.” he breathed, “ i know it wont. you’re not like that.” she let out a hum of agreement.

“i guess.. i guess i was just upset that i saw you with someone else under the mistletoe.” he murmured, voice dying down the more he spoke, “and that i lost my chance.”

sole looked at him, baffled for a moment. “lost your chance? what do you mean?” he picked up his head to gaze at her with a defeated smile, lightly scratching the nape of his neck. “to tell you i like you, i guess. seems like someone already beat me to it.”

“what?” she looked confused and stepped forward, trying to explain herself, “preston, you’ve got it all wrong. i didnt kiss them! i left to go find you after i checked up on a few people.”

he stood there, wide eyed while trying to process the words that left his mouth and he realized in horror that he based off things due to his assumptions. “i- uhm, excuse me? you didn’t uh-“

“no, i didn’t kiss them preston and well, you could say i know who i want.” she grinned happily at him with a blush on her cheeks, keeping her hand on his bicep. he felt his heart beat loudly against his chest and he was caught off guard upon registering what she meant. “oh. oh!” a smile slowly grew on his face as he beamed at sole, holding both her shoulders in excitement. all signs of devastation and sadness immediately washed away as if it wasn’t there in the first place. “that’s - that’s great! oh my god! i-i don’t know what to say!”

“you don’t need to say anything.” sole laughed and moved her hand to his cheek, brushing her thumb over his skin. “just kiss me. you know, a celebratory one.. since it’s christmas and as my way of saying i feel the same way.” he nodded, leaning in to connect their lips.

“of course.”

Gage:

as if this party wasn’t bad enough already; the person talking was annoying the shit out of him and now the only person he’s ever had a crush on was being hit on by some low life. his scowl that was already there would only deepen more upon seeing that unsettling scene but would watch from afar, hand ready on his gun just in case some funny business were to arise. as much as he wants to put a bullet right between their eyes, he resists, waiting for some kind of signal from sole to give him the go.

without looking at the person who accompanied him, he’d speak gruffly, his expression absolutely twisted in anger. “shut the fuck up, will ya?” and they did, slowly sliding away from him in fear. he kept his eye on her, patience running thin as they grew closer to sole by the second. the second their hand stroked her arm flirtatiously, he snapped and made his way to them without a second thought, hand already drawing his gun.

“youd look better with a smile.” they commented as sole rolled her eyes, obviously unintimidated by their behavior. the sound of a gun cocking behind the person would stop her from responding and she’d peek behind them, seeing a furious gage glaring at the back of their head. the room went quiet, watching the scene before them but not daring to butt in, knowing gage was a tough one to take down. after all, they knew the safest route to this was for sole to take care of the situation before it escalated.

“and you’d look better with red,” he threatened, pressing the gun harder against the back of their head. “lots of it.”

the individual would turn a deathly white as they shook in fear, paralyzed. through stuttered words, they’d try to explain themselves, “i-i-its a tradition, the mistletoe! it’s - it’s just something w-we do every ch- christma-“

gage would shoot the mistletoe above them and sole watched as it fell to the ground, broken into pieces as sole sighed at the sad sight. “stupid ass tradition if ya asked me.”

she’d sigh and fold her arms, tapping her foot almost impatiently. “gage, quit it.” she demanded with an irate expression, “leave it and let’s go.” when gage refused to withdraw the weapon, sole sent him a sharp look. “now.”

and just like that, the person would let out a breath as gage retreated, mumbling some colorful language under his breath as he made his way to sole. they both walked past the silence crowd and once they made their way far enough from the party, she stopped in her tracks and faced him with a smirk. “jealous much?”

“i ain’t jealous. that was just getting’ ridiculous and embarrassin’.” he commented, looking elsewhere with a scowl.

“sure you weren’t.” she teased, earning a glare from the raider, “can’t deny that you wanted to kiss me though and you definetly wouldn’t think that tradition was stupid if you were under the mistletoe with me instead.”

he rolled his eyes and walked past her, wanting to hide the growing blush on his cheeks. “shut the hell up and keep walking, boss. we ain’t ever gonna make it back to nuka world with all yer blabberin’.” he stayed silent, knowing well that whatever sole had just told him was utterly true to the core and there was no absolute way he could deny it.

#fallout #fallout 4 #fallout 4 companions react #fallout 4 companions #fallout+4+companions+reaction #fallout 4 reacts #fallout reactions #fallout 4 reactions #fallout reacts #fo4 reacts #fo4 #companions react #danse #paladin danse #hancock #john hancock #robert joseph maccready #maccready #nick valentine #preston garvey #preston #sturges #porter gage #gage #fluff #christmas #i feel like i got carried away with this and moved away from the topic #BUT OH WELL #react

[sleephyjhs]

Him As Your Boyfriend (Seokjin Headcanon)

pairing: boyfriend!seokjin x reader

genre: romance, fluff

note: help me spread the seokjin boyfriend agenda, this man is the only boyfriend ever

note 2: jimin is the only member left and i’d love to do one for him :( feel free to send in the request for him!

m.list | requested

EVERYDAY LIFE

you won’t disagree with me when i say

this man is the perfect boyfriend/husband material

he’s full of love

practically overflowing

incredibly gentle and caring

but will also do his best to win any argument and prove you wrong with humour

you know like the jokey arguments he usually has with jk?

yeah those

i can easily imagine him debating with you for what crisp flavour to get that week

or where to eat on vacation

sometimes he’d give in to you

but more times than not he’d stand his ground

buy you an RJ to make up for it :(((

as much as seokjin would tease you with silly arguments

he’d never fail to look after you

whenever you’d try and do something around the house

he would come up behind you

hug you

and just waddle behind you as you tried to free yourself from his grip

think of him as being a human bubblewrap :((

now

what kind of boyfriend headcanon would this be

if i didn’t mention all the meals he’d make for you

when you started to live together, the kitchen would absolutely be the main social room for you guys

having an island to sit around and cook at was very important to you both

and you’d do your best to help him

but just out of courtesy

seokjin would either give you the easy tasks and take on the harder ones himself

or return everything you’d do for him by offering to cook on his own

either way, you’d always look forward to coming home to the meals he’d make for you

i imagine that jin would be so focused on making sure you were happy

that sometimes he’d forget to take some time for himself

so whenever he’d have a free weekend

you’d book some places in a fishing boat and participate in his interests like he did yours

i can’t even begin to imagine how much fun he’d have teaching you how to fish

and how proud he’d be whenever you caught something

no matter how big or small

even better when you bring it home and find a way to incorporate it into a meal

his camera roll just being photos of you

holding all your catches with the biggest grin

and he just smiles at them when he misses you nooo :((

HIS GESTURES

okay okay

the best date with seokjin

and you cannot argue with me on this

theme park

he seems to really enjoy them

i remember when they went to america he spent his time at six flags

and said he prefers amusement parks over zoos

so

because of how extra this man can be

i can very much imagine his gift for an anniversary being one big ol disney date

taking the same instagram photos by the castle as everyone else

but mugshots of each other in each different land and area

and trying all of the different street foods

as well as the higher end restaurants

and just having fun yknow?

i highly doubt there’s ever a dull moment but you get my drift

if not a theme park then

this is gonna sound strange but stay with me

a european market

yeah i know that’s not very romantic from the outset

but taking time with jin

to just stroll around this city plaza

that’s packed full with colourful stalls

clouds of steam coming off all different cuisines

boxes of old, forgotten vinyls

tiers of the brightest, most fragrent of flowers

i’m not sure whether you’d both be looking intently at what was on display

or if he’d just stand back, holding paper bags full of goodies you’d bought

just admiring how delicate you looked

browsing over the handmade jewellery

or inspecting the bunches of colour coordinated flower bouquets

HIS ATTITUDES

seokjin is one of our introverted members

and is known for his manners and politeness

i think if a situation arose

where you found yourself in a confrontation

his approach might be more to talk you down

instead of directly diffusing the situation

“it’s not worth it” kinda

however

if it ever came to you being harassed

by the press/a stranger/creeps

that’s when he steps in

i don’t think he’d ever resort to intense confrontation

and if he did it would take a lot to get him there

jin is one of those quiet but angry people

his voice would just go ice cold

i’d hate to be on the other end of that stare omg

but like i said

this man’s manners are on the next level

i’m sure i’ve seen somewhere that in korea it’s one of the main things he’s praised for

and no shit bro

holding doors and offering a hand out of cars is the bare minimum

say if you were wearing a short skirt or dress

he’d insist on making you wait until he could cover you with his blazer or a scarf or something

at parties or large gatherings, he’d always make sure you were having fun

because as soon as you arent

he isnt

^ this is EXACTLY the kind of seokjin love we like to see here!

#bts #seokjin headcanon #seokjin fluff #bangtan #bts jin #bts seokjin #bts reactions #jin headcanon #bts imagines #seokjin fanfic #bts one shot #bts drabble #request #bts headcanon #bts mtl #kim seokjin #seokjin #jin #seokjin imagine #seokjin x reader

[saltysharktornado1]

@aforrestofstuff BEHOLD MY SCIENTIST. My very self indulgent and beloved scientist.

Hes older than the last oc, i made him wayy before the other one

HERE WE HAVE: Dilf scientist. Thats it, nothing else.

He's easygoing and deals with most situations well, keeps his calm for the most part. Makes plenty of jokes. Generally a lighthearted guy you know? He's easy to talk to cause he's pretty chill. But hes still very, very smart, just cause hes casual doesn't mean he isnt a nerd. He just doesnt take everything way too seriously. Actually a lot of the time he is way too casual for the tone of the room. Hes got a moral code but will do some questionable things to achieve goals, like chaotic good or lawful neutral? sm like that.

And being a scientist he works with a lot of serious people and situations. He used to be a big scientist working with major government projects but that just became too much eventually and he left and does smaller things now. Hes still wealthy though, and definitely has connections. He was one of the guys to research powers figure out whats goin on w all that. He doesn't have any powers of his own and he does not want any, they seem like more of a curse than a gift to him with all of the defective powers and drawbacks but hey who else will research them? (Lots of people actually)

His relationship with his son is. fine. he hasn't always been emotionally present but he has tried his best to yknow, be there to help. Worries about Keo but doesn't really know how to help? He was definitely not that deranged at his age nosiree, but he just goes off and does whatever he wants to at this point and wont really listen. But hes still there for support if he ever needs it

He was a single father ynkow, and has an ex wife, Keo's mom. They divorced when Keo was a baby because uh. Things happened. They were scientist coworkers first which was the first mistake, second mistake is that they jumped the gun. And also she put a device in his brain which was really a deal breaker because usually you dont drug someone and install machinery onto their brain? Yeah so the device is kind of to feed information and commands into his brain, like having a voice in your head all the time. Its an AI and he doesn't know this but she still has a remote connection to the device. Ouchies. Not too fun. It actually troubles him on a daily basis. And also he has had to deal with lots of those feral and kind of fucked up scientists in his day and he is just DONE with them, he works solo now.

But other than that I'll talk about Luce here. Luce is like a former experiment kid that got adopted by Lan. Luce's power is to be powered by electricity instead of sleep. Doesn't make a lot of sense but its superpowers so whatever B). But Luce didn't have a way to get the electricity efficiently without like, touching bad outlets and crap. Which resulted in burns and general damage. So Lan and another scientist had to develop something to fix that and gave him cybernetics :)

Other stuff: He can actually cook well but doesn't v much anymore. He mostly cooks when theres people over. He likes the winter months the most. He likes to watch horror movies and point out inaccuracies in them.

Hes just a scientist father going through a midlife crisis! I care about him. There isnt as much information on the sketch page cause I forgot to put it on there lmao. This character is much more toned down than the last

#this guy has a few versions #i think the other version of him is more detailed maybe? This version of him is currently still a wip despite the fact he #has existed longer than Keo #my ocs #wrote half of this down last night and half today have fun

[dahniwitchoflight]

Homesquared Chapter 14 part b

Alright time for more reactions to Homesqaured- oh jeezus

the last one of these I did was from october last year, hoo boy alright brain time to get back on the time train things are happening fast

we last left off with me thinking they just fucking hilled Harry but I remembered the wrong house so Harrys fine, John not so much

Yeah, John sad but ooh Karkat shows up!

They seem to have a mutual conversation about lost youth and stuff, really makes these characters feel oold

“JOHN: jeez, i'm sorry karkat.

JOHN: i had no idea how much time had passed.

JOHN: i must have gotten a bit distracted by my house being blown up.“

Oh man, John thats a whole ass MOOD

lol at sburb allocated blow job

yeah Karkats right tho, John does kind of need a kick in the pants to see how he might have been useful here, but Johns still stuck in this rut of not seeing anything around him as Real real, so hes blind to all of the consequences of inaction

John its called derealization and depersonalization, you can get help for that yknow

But I mean, cant really blame him, hes being smothered by the fires of Doom all around him

Its interesting to see that Karkat, a Blood player, is more comfortable navigating through things that constrain them and tie them down, since constraint is something Blood and Doom have in common, Chains and Barriers and Laws and etc

Whereas John the Breath player, just gets bogged down, hes totally out of his element

so it ends up being like John: “Id like to cling to some funny moments of my youth pls and try to lighten the situation up a bit because I cant do anything when so heavy”

versus Karkat being like: “BUCKLE UP FUCK TITS THIS SHIT IS YOUR LIFE NOW GETS USED TO WADING KNEE DEEP IN THE SHIT LIKE THE REST OF US GROWN ASS ADULTS”

John: ):

Hmm, both Vriskas have been captured, but Annie basically rescued herself, knowing Vriska Prime she probably has a plan or an idea about that, see well see how that goes

“KARKAT: JANE'S PLAN FOR THIS CONFLICT HAS THUS FAR CONSISTED ALMOST ENTIRELY OF KIDNAPPING VARIOUS HIGH PROFILE CHILDREN.

KARKAT: IT'S BIZARRE.

KARKAT: AS THOUGH WE ARE FIGHTING A WAR OF ATTRITION, WHERE THE MAIN RESOURCE BEING UTILIZED IS THE OFFSPRING OF THE MOST POWERFUL PEOPLE ON THE PLANET.KARKAT: IF IT WASN'T ONE OF THE CORE TENETS OF HER FASCISTIC PHILOSOPHY, I'D BE TEMPTED TO SAY THAT CURBING REPRODUCTION MIGHT HAVE BEEN A GOOD IDEA, IF ONLY TO PREVENT THIS KIND OF FUCKSHIT NONSENSE FROM HAPPENING.

Oh. Well I guess that was Dirk’s “plans” for Jane all along. Obviously he was using Jane as a vehicle to gather “players” for his eventually next session, interesting

But who has Jane kidnapped in total thus far?

Does Tavros count? he was certainly trapped with her for some amount of his life, but I dont know if that counts as a kidnapping, John certainly tried to kidnap HIM though from the epilogues

Annie certainly counts as being kidnapped

Vrissy has JUST been captured so that counts, and Harry so far is still fine

Which bodes so well for Harry’s future Im sure

Yeah, Vriska should have been able to not outwit any capture attempts, but my guess is either Vrissy got capture and Vriska dove in, OR, Vriska’s doing an inside job so to speak and got caught on purpose, dragging Vrissy along as well

I guess we’ll see when we see their “prison”

Anyway John, don’t get so down on yourself, you’re just ignorant to everythiong around you! thats why nothing makes sense and you can’t connect to anything, easy fix! Just try to learn more and care more about stuff lol

Man does this feel like a strong metaphor between people who are into/care about politics and people who feel like they can’t get into it though

Crossing that hurdle from one side to the other is rough

“KARKAT: BUT NOTICING THE PROBLEM AND MAKING MEANINGFUL PROGRESS TOWARDS SOLVING IT ARE TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT THINGS.”

yup

man, this is all feeling startlingly relevant to the current times, I should have read this sooner

“ KARKAT: PLEASE DO NOT TELL ME YOU JUST HAD ANOTHER EMOTION THAT WE NEED TO DROP EVERYTHING IN ORDER TO DISSECT. “

hah, oh wow, Karkat when you phrase it like that, it’s almost as if you’ve become self aware of your tendencies to Moirail people out of their problems

Not really that out of character for a Blood player to end up being the Therapy Friend though lol

Just don’t burn yourself out on that though

JOHN: karkat, we still haven't spoken about *you*!

KARKAT: ABOUT ME?

JOHN: yes.

KARKAT: ABOUT *ME*?

JOHN: about you.

KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK ABOUT ME.

JOHN: well...

JOHN: you know, how you feel!

KARKAT: HOW I FEEL.

I know Karkat has probably matured past misunderstandings like this now given he’s really come into a great understanding of his Blood aspect, but by golly do I wish Karkat would misunderstand this as John’s attempts to be Moirail-reciprocal sdkjfhwlijebr

What a perfect way to continue their relationship, on top of more misconstrued romance quadrants XD

Spades is old Hat, Diamonds are in now babey

Oh

this started out funny, but Karkat’s emotional rant just ended up being depressing not funny ):

I have to say though, it is REALLY interesting to see John’s depression manifesting in a very breathy sort of way

Karkat in these panels was more closer together, connected, but as John gets more and more depressed over the course of Karkat’s rant when he realizes Karkat doesn’t know dave died, the panels get seperated by lines of blue, and slowly drift off away from John and from eachother

but thats basically been hows its been manifesting all along

the more John feels Disconnected and Seperate from the reality he finds himself in, the more he finds his will untethered, the more depressed and unable to act he gets

and right now its so much so that even a fuller fledged Blood player is having trouble grounding him back down

I don’t know, I always viewed the depression metaphor as a dark watery void to sink into and feels heavy and encapsulating (but probably thats just my Light-y interpretation of it)

so its interesting to see the depression metaphor as this floating disconnection instead, so much that it leans towards derelaization/depersonalistion/dissociation as well

I wonder if John will start dealing with bouts of actual full blown dissociation as this gets worse?

I mean, Breath aspect has given the literal ability to ghost around wherever he pleases in all other ways, why not literally and physcologically as well?

So John seems to be fully overembracing his aspect here, to a very unhealthy degree here, which I see you asking “aha Dahni, but hes doesn’t have overblown self esteem here, quite the opposite, is this not an inverted state instead? or something else because hes acting like hes inverting to Breath?”

and I say not so! reader, for overembracing is the idea that through your aspect, your will is overwriting the wills of others, and in someone like Vriska, this manifests in a very selfish and over self esteemed way

but is not John’s will overwriting Karkat’s here? Through Breath? And isnt John also being a little selfish here? Considering how he feels about things, more important than how anyone else feels? How Karkat feels?

John is too dissociated to understand that this reality is Real and has Consequences he needs to care about, and Karkat is trying to fight against that, trying to instill his belief that no, this shit is real and it Matters Why Don’t You Care, trying to ground him, trying to give him that dose of Blood he needs

but John’s overembracing Breath is just, blowing that all away, its becoming too strong

Roxy in the epilogues dealt with this as well, when John was really in the shits with it and started to believe Roxy’s whole personality was somehow fake and his own construction, because he convinced himself Roxy would never choose to do the things she did, but Roxy was able to snap him out of it and make him understand and respect it was her own choices that led down his path, not the idea that John’s choices are somehow overriding everyones

But man, John sure is riding that Breath train way too hard, and he keeps snapping back into it as well

Further and Further

#Homesquared #Homestuck^2 #Homestuck #John Egbert #Karkat Vantas #dissociation

[catboyithaqua]

Ramuda and Doppo :0

OH MY BOYS LETS GO

Under a cut bc long

Ramuda Amemura

First impression

Baby boy baby. Very cute and sweet i love characters with ramudas aesthetic i tend to want to protect them, especially since its an aesthetic that i fall into myself and lo v e so kseidjsnfn YEAH this man is baby!!!

Impression now

Ohhh my god i love this man i love the way he is characterised he is so incredibly interesting as a character and tbh so realistic and honestly i adore him!!! I alarmingly see a lot of myself in him tbh, were incredibly similar and that isnt necessarily a good thing!! But still i love this man

Favorite moment

Oh man where tf do i BEGIN there are so many ngl, but mostly all of the moments where we see ramuda's humanity. There is still a sweetness left under the darkness, there is still a man who wants to cling onto everything he has - his emotion, his internal battles, his morality vs his desperate need to survive - oh fucking man so much.

Idea for a story

CAN WE FUCKING. HAVE RAMUDA TALK HIS SHIT OUT PLEASE can we just have others actively helping ramuda cAN THIS MAN PLEASE BE SHOWN THAT ITS NOT TOO LATE FOR HIM,,, PLEASE,, i just want ramuda to finally talk out everything and have people on his side. Please.

Unpopular opinion

This probs isnt unpopular by any means, but idk what else to put here so take this:

I dont really see it often discussed that yknow ramuda is an abuse victim. Like, its very clear that chuokhu uses and abuses him, and his life is constantly being hung over his head. No wonder the dude is doing anything he can in order to survive, he has no choice in that regard. Before i get told this in the notes yes i know this doesnt excuse the things hes done!!! But tbh i really think that like the trauma that ramuda is living with kinda needs to be addressed.

Favorite relationship

I am a huge multishipper and have found a way to ship ramuda w just about most people (that are adults and not in chuokhu lol) so this is pretty tough

Id say either fling poly or jkrm and these are my reasons lets go:

Fling poly: HAVE YOU S E E N THEM do i really need to say more here all three of them have such good chemistry together, theyre all clearly on the same wavelength and have such a wonderful dynamic,,, they found out about the clones and shit and they STILL chose to protect ramuda and to fight for him and with him and to stay by his side aND BLACK JOURNEY TOO I-- IM GONNA START SOBBING,,,

Jakuramu: this one is not based on canon too much i am sorry this is mostly hc but i am a huge sucker for enemies to lovers ok also, i feel like out of TDD these two would be the ones to reconcile. After all, jakurai is a rather empathetic man and he probably would def understand the situation that ramuda was in. After all this dude was an ex assassin, if ramuda was to tell him everything, im sure that he would be able to relate to yknow the time he took others' lives, people with families and friends that he killed because he was ordered to and most likely had no other choice. Of course, jakurai is well within his right to not forgive ramuda for what happened to yotsutsuji, but i feel like he would and would help him get out of the situation hes in,,, and also im soft for the TDD era ok like how jakurai WANTED TO KNOW THE REAL RAMUDA AND LIKE,,, even when ramuda snapped at him he was GLAD HE WANTSD TO KNOW HIM FUCK MAN,,, i just really like these two ok

Favorite headcanon

I have quite a lot of hcs! Here are a few and like some explanation as to why:

- hes trans - i personally believe this bc personally itd make sense. Ramuda has a very feminine appearance and build, those that are like typically common in asian countries. As well as that, he has his own autonomy unlike the other clones. It wouldnt surprise me if chuokhu orignally wanted to make a girl to keep the other divisions in check, but when he decided personally that he didnt want to be such a way, they said sure, more room for us to treat you as we want to. Hes got money, getting T wouldnt be that difficult for him either, so thats why his voice is. That way fiaudjsnfnd anyway i think it makes sense!! Idk--

- he has bpd - projection probably but the biggest inspiration for this headcanon is how he is emotionally. His swings are violent - he feels and expresses such a diverse range of emotions and its so easy for him to change his emotional disposition - whilst also mostly feeling totally empty. Relationship wise also, given how he was genuinely really close to jakurai and then completely splitting on him, h a t i n g him. Yeah that sounds like bpd to me chief i know i have it!!! Theres more ik there is but i cant pull up examples rn

- hes neurodivergent - again mostly projection honestly and like there isnt much of a canon basis in his behaviour, just little things, but i like to personally hc that aside from eating candy to stay alive duh, that he chooses lollipops bc they serve as a sort of stim?? Also ik that fashion is his job but hes also so so clearly passionate about it that its a special interest for him, and thats partially why he took it up as a job in the first place, so he could do something related to his special interest lol. Idk i know there isnt any basis for this but just let me have autistic ramuda iaiesjdnsnfn

Doppo Kanonzaka

First impression

Now THATS what i call a tired mf!!! This dude has yves saint laurent eyebags also he really reminds me of aggretsuko somehow??? Im really not sure what it is

Impression now

Yeah i was def right with the aggretsuko comparison siaishsnshfb BUT I LOVEEE HIM i love him very much and i think this man really needs a break and is also very relateable i love

Favorite moment

As much as i love fp i absolutely adore the badass koments that doppo has including when he absolutely fucking obliterated fling posse sksjxnxncn also!! All of his little moments with hifumi i genuinely enjoy their dynamic its so cute

Idea for a story

Honestly i wanna see him slowly recover from the teauma that he has experienced because this king absolutely deserves it, and also from a practical point of view itd make this mf s t r o n g e r i also just.... long to see doppo happy honestly he deserves to smile!!

Unpopular opinion

I dont really have an unpopular opinion but saving like leaving this blank: as much as i absolutely adore jakurai and hifumi and their music (jakurai is my fave out of every hypmic character and i WILL drive this home), to me doppo just has the best music. Like, i love tigridia and BLACK OR WHITE so fucking much its absolutely unreal and all of doppos verses in every song are juust so fucking good. As much as i listen to you are, therefore i am on repeat every day of my life doppos music is just the best ✨

Favorite relationship

Again i am a huge multishipping bitch and i habe a few ships with doppo but in ahll honesty my fave is very clear - i absolutely adore his dynamic with matenrou as a whole and especially hifumi - his relationship with hifumi is clearly so special and it really shows how strong their friendship is, and in a ship sense i find it to be realy cute bc theres such a clear need for each other and that even if they clearly come at odds sometimes, at the end of the days theyre still clearly so close and i just,,, god doppo reallt deserves someone like hifumi in his life and im so glad that he has it!!!!

Favorite headcanon

Honestly i dont really think i have too many for doppo but given his general demeanor and his attitude, i personally hc him as demi. Yeah i know that sexualities dont have like typical personalities and such but i feel like given his anxieties around new people and how he clearly only really sticks to those that hes very close with, it makes more sense for him to be demi than any other sexuality to be quite honest - and this is also just pushing my hifudo agenda aiqiauansnssn but yknow!!!!

#im sorry this took me so long thanks for the ask!!! #hypmic

[dysfunctionalnerd]

I was wondering ... how would Randall react to Evil! Layton? or Monocle! Layton(by the way your drawings are amazing!)

ahhh thank u so much!! that means so much to me ;u; oh my GOSH MONACLE LAYTON!!! i havent thought about him organically in too long sksksks

well so ok if i had to make layton evil at any point in time, the way id do it would be after unwound future. it would be about 2 years after he found randall, but in this scenario he never worked up the courage to call randall or go back and visit after he left Monte D'or so abrubtly, which means losing that friendship was already weighing on his heart. so then after UF, losing claire and luke in the span of the same week... its too much for him. Crying in his room one night, he says "so this is it then? am i destined to always lose the people i love? i will simply never love again." and he snaps. he gets cold and distant, doesnt allow the kindness of others to reach him. all he wants now is vengance, and this man has been wronged by soooooo many people.

The only person still living with him is flora at this point. at first she lets things slide. things like seeing hersh withdraw into his study for too long, or drink too late into the night. but then she notices he stays in his room for days at a time, clearly working on something, but he gets so rude when asked about what. shes always met with answers like "its none of your concern" or "dont ask questions you're not prepared to hear the answer to", until one day she really puts her foot down. Demands to know whats going on. Shes so worried. But hershel screams at her to go away. an ugly, terrible yelling nobody deserves. and its so cold she just,, runs away crying. she cant think of anybody to reach out for help. she doesnt know anybody, she was never allowed to go out and make friends.

until she remembers the stories luke told her about the man they saved in Monte D'or, and she remembers how softly hershel would smile the precious few times he mentioned he name randall.

so she pulls up a phone book and looks up a Randall Ascot. Its not hard considering he owns an entire fucking town. shes crying and scared and alone, and when randall picks up the phone, he is of course concerned. hes never met this girl, but nobody should by crying this much, and then his heart breaks when he realizes its hershel who did this. He was always hurt by how hershel never said goodbye, and never called again to rekindle their friendship. at first he doesn't want to come over, but flora begs him.

"please, randall, you have to help. I know i hardly know you but... nobody else can reach him, i just know it".

so he grabs the nearest train. tells flora take take it easy at a bougie hotel for a night while he makes the trip over, pays for everything ofc. the two meet up. randall falls in love with this girl in .5 seconds (yknow in that "ive only met this girl for 10 minutes but if anything were to happen to her id kill everyone in this room and then myself" kind of way). They decide to just go to hershels flat and knock. he doesnt answer. they knock again. nothing. randall gets worried. he breaks down the door, shouts for hershel. Nobodys there. the place is empty. they enter hershels study to make sure, but what they find horrifies them. a GIANT charlie kelly style board with a bunch of pictures of different people, mostly people connected to bill hawks, and red lines connecting them stand before the two, and they both know in their gut its a hit list of some kind.

so they run to parliment or whatever building it is those goverment people all stay in, hoping its not too late, hope maybe their suspicions arent true. Theyre horrified when they reach the front steps and theres no guards or anything. sirens are blaring. they run down the halls. injured soldier's and police are telling them to turn back, its not worth it, this man is unstoppable.

"please dont let it be hershel, please dont let it be hershel."

flora stops when they reach the big door. she looks up at randall, crying. "im sorry... but i cant go in. i dont want to face him like this."

randall hugs her, reassures her. tells her its ok to wait by the entrance, that everything will be ok.

Flora rushes off, and randall takes a deep breath. He opens the door where bill hawks office is supposed to be. Randalls heart sinks. in the big chair is hershel, a sword covered in red, and tied to chains too close to the fire place is a beat up bill hawks.

hershel greets him coldly, like strangers.

"ah hello there. im sorry, but the prime minister cannot assist you today. please come back later."

"hershel, what are you doing??? that sword.... have you??"

"killed someone? no..." he hops off his chair and points his sword to bill hawks, far too close to the neck. "no not yet. but if youd like, you can join me for the first one."

Randall picks up a pipe or something close to him. "i cant let you do this hershel... i know youre better than this."

"ah, but you see, thats the thing." his blade lightly touches bills neck. "i could be, but then... whats the point?" then he scoffs, and pulls his sword away, pointing it towards randall in a battle stance. "never mind, you could never understand."

and he charges. AND THE EPIC SWORD FIGHT BETWEEN HERSHEL AND RANDALL THAT WE WERE ROBBED OF COMENCES! Randall, between parrys, is in total disbelief. "Hershel, stop it! i know how youre feeling, but this isnt the solution! youre tired, and scared, and unbelievably hurt. youre in so much pain... this isn't going to end that pain!"

clink, parry

"you couldnt possibly know what im feeling. ive lost everyone. but its no matter."

for a moment it looks like hershel is about to pin randall down, but he swoops away at the last minute.

"No, please hershel, you cant think like that!! youre not alone!! not anymore!! You didnt give up on the masked gentleman... let me return the favor!"

hershel gasps at this, and hesitates. its enough for randall to knock hershels sword out of his hands, and pin him to the ground. Hershel is afraid, his eyes are wide.

"r-randall, stop it!! leave me alone!"

"no!" randall throws the pipe he fought with aside. "not until you make things right!" he starts crying, his tears spill on hershels shirt. "not until i get my best friend back..."

hershel can't take it anymore. He screams, and starts crying uncontrollably. that ugly crying you reserve for your worst moments, and randall softens his grip on hersh, changes it so hes hugging his friend. And hershel just cries and cries and cries.

"i... i just dont want to live like this anymore..." he sobs.

"hershel.... oh hershel, im so, so sorry."

and they continue to cry. eventually randall asks what happened, how it got to this. hershel explains the events of the last few years. how luke left. how bill hawks sent men to beat him to an inch of his life 8 years ago, so really this is just him returning the favor. they talk it out.

"hershel... you owe flora an apology"

and hershel starts crying even more. "oh no, how could i do this to her?? im a monster..."

"nonsense! shes just worried about you, we all just want you to be ok. give her time, you two will be ok."

so slowly, randall convinces hershel to take his hand and walk out before some real irreverasble damage is done. they dont untie bill tho :) hershel comes face to face with flora at the entrance. starts stuttering some words, but jever gets around to saying anything bc flora hugs hershel so tightly, and cries into his chest. "professor i was so worried..."

"i.... im so sorry...."

and thats it!! the police dont do anything bc i dont believe in them, hawks eventually gets voted out. they all go home and randall decides to stay with hershel until he find a therapist. then decides to stay with him until he starts smiling again, then because i mean whos gonna help out with flora?? and then bc honestly hershel, this place is a mess! and then,,,,, well,,,,,, yknow,, 👀👀

#THIS IS SO LONG IM SO SORRY #professor layton #hershel layton #randall ascot #ranlay #flora reinhold #this is a fucking fanfic outline i stg #now i might actually write this skskksks #its a little messy and all over thenplace sorry i went on an adhd rant there sksskksk #gosh thank u for asking its been so long since i like info dumped like this aaaaaa

[mychemicalaromanticism]

things ive already established r on this post

besties this got so fucking long but heres a giant ramble about cherri

okay so. there are huge differences betwn cherri as a hyperviolent drac hunter and cherri as a friend of the four and cherri as the girls mentor. with the first one he was 17 and desperate to distance himself from his upbringing so he went all in on Being A Killjoy. he was always one of the first ppl to rush into a fight and he fought hard. he blew up his fuckin hand with that attitude. and all the while he was just racking up more unaddressed trauma and eventually he ran away from that, too. giving himself radiation poisoning was more appealing than facing his problems.

so as a teenager/young adult hes kind of constantly in a panicked state. hes scared the people from his past are going to find him and drag him back with them. so he lashes out and he runs away over and over again.

i said in another post that he has some past life shit goin on which usually would give him a connection to the witch that manifests early in life, but with all the stuff hes gone through he has been Preoccupied. he can become oblivious to almost anything that doesnt apply to whatever hes focused on. not in a hyperfocus way its likeeeeee. when u live on survival mode during prolonged periods of stress. hes immune to magic bullshit bc hes too tired and scared.

anyways around his mid-20s he finally has a little more stability (as much as the average person living in the zones can have, that is) and he finally notices that Weird Stuff happens around him. basically: out of my list of Powers People Connected To The Witch Have he has the prophetic dreams/enhanced intuition as well as a form of sensing ghosts where he can see auras and kind of like, echoes of past events in ppls lives. that look like auras. itz complicated and not of utmost importance so im leaving it at that.

anyways thats what makes him start writing poetry. just 4 funsies he'll describe his weird experiences and embellish them to make em pretty. just as a casual hobby n all that.

he would forget fun ghoul in between the times they ran into each other but its pretty easy to be reminded of who fun ghoul is. the most insane 10 year old cherri has ever met. cherri isnt a brother figure to ghoul. hes just. his friend that happens to be more than twice his age. its whatever lmao

to cherri, ghoul is kinda like a stray animal he keeps seeing. which is hilarious. ghoul actually goes and finds him to introduce him to jet when they start running together, and cherri meets party and kobra (spark and birdie at the time) when he drives the four of them to a party. because he has a truck hell yeah. so now instead of one stray animal he has, like, a feral cat colony that he drives around occasionally. i have no real-life human relationship equivalent to them because irl if some guy that is not related to any of you and isnt even a childhood or family friend and theyre hanging out with you? they are usually not a safe person lmao. but this is my fantasy land and im too stubborn to change anyones birth years even though ghoul being born in 2004 makes everything really hard to make not creepy.

so yeah hes a casual somewhat friend of the fab four. hed probably get more and more concerned as they got famous. the beginnings of any sort of protective feelings, awww :) that sets him up for becoming the girls mentor.

OH FUCK. THE GIRL..... i think if i was in my late 20s and i heard that the gang of 13-17 year olds had adopted a 5 year old kid i would go bananas. what the fuck. it is a LONG while before cherri meets her. but he has the strongest affection for ghoul (if you could even call it that) and ghoul absolutely adores the girl and swings her around under her arms like a cat to show her off to cherri and its very endearing and the girl is sweet and funny so its easy to be around her. and (unfortunately) she is somewhat used to interacting with weird easily agitated people so she kinda gives him space. cherri isnt quite the uncle figure the fandom usually makes him (i luv uncle cherri sm but he simply cannot exist in the universe ive created, f), but hes a little similar.

and then the four had to go and pretend to die. lol.

when the girl was kidnapped, fucking everyone who knew her was ready to storm the city then and there. like regardless of how little you knew her, if you had ever met her you would fucking die for her. she is pure childish charisma and shes precious. i love the girl. so cherris immediately on board with whatever plan the four make to get her back. ive already talked abt how it fucked up the girl tho; there was no way to tell her that the four werent actually dead, she sees the building collapse and she shuts down. and cherri has to fight against his instinct to leave the radio station and never come back when he sees an eight year old girl sitting dissociated on the couch. that fucks everyone up.

i just realized i havent talked about literally anyone else at the radio station. i think cherri started lingering around the station bc it was safe and sheltered while also not being a popular spot. there are less kids there (people pass through but its not a hangout spot). he was kind of just hanging around to get away from the heat and noise and dr d took notice. because that man can see ur soul and no one knows if thats literal or not. so theyd chat a few times a day and show pony was the one 2 get him out of his shell a little and also was the first one he mentioned his poetry hobby to. im making this all up right now as im writing bc i dont know anything about LITERALLY any of the ppl associated w the radio like im not even going 2 try with chimp n newsie i do not have the willpower to tackle all that. justttt. cherri pony n D become bros and live 2gether there.

back 2 the regular timeline. the rescue mission happens in 2019. the girl lives at the station until 2023. during that time she is very much depressed and withdrawn and is only happy when the four come to visit. none of the Adults know how to help her so they just keep her safe and cared for and hope she'll open up to them.

she does not. she takes the weird cat thats been hanging around and she runs away.

cherri does not see her for three years. shes still worse for wear in the mental health department and he can see all kinds of visions of what shes been through since the last time he saw her and he fucking hates the ultra vs bc they remind him of his past. he does not want her going down that path but its obvious that she isnt crazy abt the ultraviolence thing either so thats a relief.

they have a kind of tense relationship throughout the comics. he feels like he failed her and that spirals into feeling like he failed the four for not being a good adult to them and fun ghoul for not helping enough when his commune was bombed and all kinds of shit and that irrational thinking mixed with plain old, yknow, caring about the girl, is what makes him take a bullet (laser. whatever) for her.

i was trying to figure out the timing of each of their ghost experiences, but i want both of them to talk to the witch and im just gonna make it like dreams where a whole buncha stuff happens but irl its been like seconds. so its like barely a second while the girl has her Witch Convo and cherri FINALLY gets a straight answer, yes there is weird shit going on with him having powers. he doesnt have any story-significant past lives because im lazy, hes just an old soul. like really fuckin old. the amount of latent life experience and stuff his soul/energy/whatever has picked up along the way makes him VERY noticeable to gods n stuff. he fuckin lights up all the alarms like what the FUCK is that over there. she wasnt rly able to get to him or even properly notice him while he was a kid and a young adult so shes happy to finally see him again. he has a STRONG sense of familiarity with her. they know each other on a wild ass level that he cant really comprehend.

welp thats some more lore I'll have 2 think abt. anywayz

post canon is when he and val get to have the most awkward spiderman meme moment of realizing that they have the same trauma SOOOOO thatz fun lol /s sorry kings i thought it would be fun to give u something fucked up to bond over <3

not much changes in his personality. he has a better understanding of Weird Magic and delights in freaking out the ultra vs but for the most part he returns to his life at the radio station. i love him

THIS GOT SO CRAZY LONG I DID NOT MEAN 2 GO THROUGH EVERY PART OF HIS LIFE LIKE SOME WEIRD CHARACTER STUDY but here we are. this is basically a first draft like almost all of this is subject to change but u gotta start somewhere. so heres my start i love this guy. its probably obvious but i have not read ANY twitterverse killjoys stuff </3 maybe i will someday idk

#cat talks #lore #ok2rb but what a mess this post is

[nighttimepixels]

NOT TO BE A SAP ON MAIN BUT IM. SO WEAK FOR HOW YOU WRITE SWAP SANS/CAELUM? like as somebody thats Been Through It and has the same kinda/a similar eldest child vibe goin on its. i wanna just? tell him he doesnt have to tackle everything by himself, that he has people in his corner that love him and that WANT to help him out, that him asking for help if he needs it isnt a bother and also just. throw in some goof-ery, in an attempt to cheer him up and be all soft at/with him nshit, yknow?

Oh heck yeah be a sap on main!! Sap On Main 24 hours here TvTb

Man I’m all about Caelum (US Sans) having that sort of depth/vibe - I know some people are really attached to... hyper smol happy go lucky US Sans? But that’s never really been my taste - I always liked the idea of really core traits carrying over between AU versions of the bros, more than just appearance things. Even if the personality is shifted, there’s still inner core things - and Sans not thinking he’s worth much is one that always gets in me in the heart. Puts up everyone else, particularly his brother, first... aspects of trying his all not exactly there because he views certain outcomes as a foregone conclusion... oof.

And I mean, basically I stumbled across Waving Through A Window several years ago and made a mini animatic thing feat. Caelum and... well, I’m still there with those vibes for him oTL with some bonus Shrike by Hozier vibes, The Green Gentleman by Panic at the Disco vibes....... and a bit of Non-Stop, a la Hamilton, ngl.

He absolutely needs someone like that in your life - it’s hard to get through to the underlying belief, though. One of those ‘logically, I can accept you, my friend, thinking that.... but I Must Hold Myself To A Different Standard.’ He’s definitely no easy nut to crack in that regard. But time, effort, and really showing it, believing it, and going through something similar...? That’d get through to that pretty geode of an inner level of self-belief, I think. <3

#night answers #skelebro squad #caelum content #aka us sans #i love him #ugh i always just wanna do... so much with him #so much content #bc he gets to me right in the heart with these vibes #mapleshmaple

[floralkittygambler]

Reposting for reasons

Response to Honest’s post here: Doing this to spread this awareness more as I know theres a bit of a rift in the critical community - plus I really fucking go on. Im PISSED and I do apologise however it NEEDS urgent addressing. I know people will hate me for it but Im used to hate and honestly? Hating rather than helping to solve the issue only furthers my fucking point here. So yeah this is so more people are aware (no offense to any of those involved in said rift either, but this is an important message. Thank you for understanding and if I can do anything to make all sides comfortable, then please message me and I’ll do my upmost.) “ More awareness of this is needed. Even if it’s your favourite, you can’t justify their shit but rally against another’s shit. Have people tell you you’re experiences arent real or invalid because, like Husk, people have - in real life - shipped you with someone you are far from comfortable with but you still treat them like a person. Because you have basic respect. And people force you to accept harassment, touching, stalking, advances for THEIR satisfaction. People use you for their fantasies. But you’re just a ‘tsundere’ for it. Or you have addiction issues but people think being with another addict will ‘save’ you because you’re apparently too incompetent to save yourself. Love isnt some magic fuckin cure so stop romanticising it as a fuckin saviour. It’s gross and fuckin creepy. Get stalked and have someone NEVER accept your no just because you show youre still decent enough to not treat them shitty or any different from anyone else. Try having someone way older or way younger (both in morally fucked up ways) advance on you and people encourage that. People you’re supposed to feel safe around.

People touch you when you pull away or show discomfort. Follow you home. Have pictures of you and wont accept you dont like them like that and it’s not ‘playing hard to get’ or ‘the thrill of the chase’. Fuck. OFF. In fact, Im not only disappointed in the fandom. Im disappointed in the entire team who some should know better from their OWN personal experiences - or at least the bare minimal of being a fucking adult. Im disappointed in especially females (sorry idk whether girl or woman is more appropriate here-) who statistically are more likely to have experienced something similar at some point in their lives think this is a cute gay moment. No. Angel is made out as a fucking predator - Im not saying he is, Im saying that his persistence is very fucking unwelcome like one. People like Husk dont need that fucking invasiveness. They/We need patience and someone on our level. Angel’s I know are the fuckin polar opposite - and some of them I know are very sexually harassing, including unwanted touching. It’s a shitty way to present gay people. Gays are fuckin people. Some are cunts and some arent. It’s a HUMAN thing. But considering the shit theyve been subjected to, presenting a gay as a victim only to also show them as a perpetrator is insulting! And for those Ive seen argue this about how people like AD wouldnt know how to express their love normally and whatnot? His pig. His best friend. He’s in his fucking 30s. There are literal real life criminals who get molested as kids and then go on to molest kids. Not all who grow up like that turn into nonces. Stop just fucking STOP justifying and romanticising this bullshit! I used to see the good in AD but now he makes me fucking sick. Especially with my verrrrrry fucking real traumas and connections. But fuck me, eh? Because this fictional guy matters so much more. Fuck real victims. And whilst we’re at it, fuck AD too when it suits your fetishes! Sarcasm aside, the fans and the team need to straighten up their abhorrent behaviour. Stolas. Fucking clearly having an affair, knowingly fucking up his daughter’s mental health and bribing a guy into sex who only wants the book and nothing more. He even has a fucking warning button over Stolas- Guys, how do you think any of this is cute? Even the team gross me out- I genuinely see potential and talent and it’s all gone to shit to satisfy horny teens, horny adults, and literally everyone who doesnt for the life of them understand being an adult is more than sex, drugs, violence and swears! I REALLY want to keep enjoying HB/HH but it’s getting harder and harder with such ignorant and bordering lazy creators (note: lazy as in wont do the fucking research or actually listen to real criticism and victims), such despicable fans (yeah, some HDers fuckin mocked that they triggered my ED, yet they had the fucking NERVE to support Angel’s potential ED AND laugh and blame me for me getting treated so badly for actually having the balls to call Angel and the teams hypocrisy. I got told to kill myself, that my problems arent real - oh but Angels apparently is! Which... They *are* but AD isnt real so technically only onlookers will suffer and not a drawing  - and they just excused their toxic behaviours. These people are like “aww poor angie babey!” yet fuckin INSULT sex workers. All this red in Hazbin yet it feels everyone and they mama colour blind. The issues are getting worse and fans are outright becoming EVIL, VILE, Vindictive little bullies - from kids to adults. You SHOULD be ashamed of yourself if you conduct yourself in such a manner. And you need to readjust your attitudes and behaviours because the only fuckers getting hurt are actual fucking victims. Ever been violated and been gaslit so much you STILL fucking question it’s reality? So you drown that shit out yet somehow it’s effects still hit you? Fetishise it. Make it your uwu gae couple goals, you’re no better than people believing Harley and the Joker werent toxic af. If this shit happened to you, most of you would actually SEE where we’re all coming from. Also, stop making gay a fetish - you’re like those creepy old men in the alley heckling lesbians to make out so they can wank off. Gays, no ALL the LGBT+ are fucking people too. So dont give me that bullshit then start turning everything just gay or just straight to mentally wank off to. It’s degrading and dehumanising. And yes, fiction does effect reality. You crush on a fictional character? Mourn one? Support one? Hell, fuckin jerk off to one - that’s affecting reality. Remember how in fiction all blacks were treated as villians? Look how theyre treated IRL. JAWS, great classic unfortunately their was a spike in shark killings over a fucking movie - the shark in the movie wasnt even real for the most part because they dont behave like that! (Also the animatronic was so shit they genuinely had so many issues - I think they even took to naming each one! Some fun trivia there!). Tiger sharks are more nasty than great whites as tiger sharks will hunt and eat a human. Great whites prefer seals and dislike human flesh, they just mistake us for seals. Hell, theres the toothless basking shark - theyre often SWAM WITH by divers for being so friendly. Yet Jaws made people think all sharks are bloodlusting over humans. Slenderman was created for a fucking contest and that influenced a stabbing (NOT Victor’s fault). Watch a horror movie that isnt based on a real life event and tell me that at least ONE has left you peaking over your shoulder. Stella may be a bitch - we dont know for certain - but try getting cheated on. Y’know what? Try growing up in such a broken home like Octavia. Yeah reaaaaaal fucking cute now, huh? Funny how as well y’all petition for male victims to be taken seriously then laugh when fictional males experience this abuse, further adding to stigma. You can be hit on by the hottest mf on the planet but if you arent interested, that should be respected! Also we’ve all been inspired by at least one fictional character so yeah. Yknow, since I was little Ive been fighting for sex worker and homeless rights. But HH/HB treatment of both leave a bitter taste in my mouth. I’ll still fully support sex workers and the homeless, but that’s the fucking effect this show is having. Bearing in mind I wont ever share everything Ive been through - and I shouldnt fucking have to in order to be believed and validated (obvs proof is required in a legal case but that’s a whole other topic). Why should I share MY fucking pain especially when you fuckers have belittled and triggered it more so? We have our rights to our secrets but fuck ME you lot NEED to start acting appropriately and like decent fucking humans. ‘iTs HeLl’ yeah and welcome to Earth- the team and yourselves live HERE. You obide by THESE rules. And as someone with beliefs (and a LOT of ancient fucking texts and studies on this shit) their Hell isnt even a proper Hell! It’s closer to purgatory and even then it’s not. Regardless, it’s a poorly built world with the lore consistently changing per episode and tweet, with many plot holes, and is apparently easy to get into - even via accidentally watching porn according to a stream. If youre gonna parade youre a fucking expert and research into demonology and use real believed figures, at least get THAT right. In fact, Lucifer and Lilith (and Stolas tbf) are ESPECIALLY risky as theyre a lot more complex than most easy access texts will tell you. Likewise, Stolas’s first introduction and main focus is sex. He’s one of the FEW Goetia demons that dont have some involvement in relationship issues at ALL. He’s known for astrology, crystals and herbs but hes also known to aid MONEY troubles (it’s lesser known but it’s true! HB Stolas is an insult to the Prince). Turning Vodou into something evil is vile considering it’s powerful and liberated slaves. Pentagrams are nothing to do with Satan, they’re magic based sigils. Upside down cross is the symbol of a SAINT. It’s just some edgy attempt to trick people into believing they know more than they do. Also you should NEVER dabble and doodle sigils without knowing the meanings or respecting what they behold. Vox and Val, real fuckin cute way to make them look like a stupid fucking highschool drama instead of a fucking SEX TRAFFICKER (note: real pimps often target YOUNG folks too - aka minors - and groom them into sex work. Theres different types of pimp. Viv has shown barely any understanding of ‘the game’ and its a fucking insult to injury. Yes we KNOW what a fucking pimp and prozzie are! We dont need to see it. We need REAL AWARENESS.) and a fucking scheming bastard of a CEO salesman botman. And yet even THEN lets go a step further and make some yandere wuv on boyfweind aboose! Fuck off- Now I love a good anime but these tropes are getting fucking dangerous now. And unrealistic to real love and relationships. Kids nowadays know fuck all on a healthy relationship (neither did the fuckin 50s tbf) and Im seeing more romaticism and glorifying abusive situations. Like the show ‘You’. Ok, there’s a fuckin bloke online who slaughtered innocents and kidnapped yet people commented how cute he is on his IG and that they want to be kidnapped or killed by him next. Dont believe me? Look up Peter Manfredonia Connecticut and the comments people left him and then tell me why shit like whats being presented in HH/HB ISNT fucking concerning - because it is. For a series about redemption, it’s brilliant at the opposite (Quote from the creator herself, Viv has posted that it’s influencing her bad choices. Even as a joke, proof’s in the pudding). And the overall focus on sex in the way Viv does is so immature and really creepy, and this is from an ADULTS perspective. From one adult to another, Im concerned as to why any of them think this is a normal fixation. Then again they’ve hired quite a large amount of dodgy folks and even a child. Most of this shit gets avoided with a basic background check like most companies run. I DO like Hazbin. Or the premise. I love some of the cast and spite the others. In Helluva, I just like a tiny portion of the cast. And I critique it so harshly because Viv DOES need a wakeup slap, grounding to reality, people who arent going to big her up or kiss her arse for once and shape her up to be the best she can be. The actually reach and even surpass her potential. And to reach where you need to be, there’s a lot of harsh lessons youll face. That’s life. Shes chosen one of the most HEARTLESS industries and if she blocks out critique as ‘hate’ then she’s not strong enough and wont last. It’s just another unprepped YanDev again (except I dont believe Viv to be a nonce. Even with her dodgy past and dodgy present, I think her perspective on sex and relationship with sexuality is FAR from healthy BUT I dont believe she’s a pedophile. Ive bled my fair share and so far, I just think her sex perspective isnt healthy or mature for her age. But there’s little to nothing to suggest actual noncery - dont worry about accusations there. But YanDev is totally a dirty predator. Just clearing that up). Viv NEEDS some harshness and stability if she wants to do things right. And it’ll make her fucking cry but if she loves these projects as much as she claims to, then you’ll sacrifice blood, sweat and tears for that shit. Even the strongest points are mediocre at best when properly observed. She CAN do more, but she’ll have to face the harsh music. Viv wont see this, but if she does, I dont care if it upsets her. Why? Because this is that much of an issue - something she’s cultivated - that she needs to take action and not ignore it or be secretive about it. She needs to grow up and get tougher skin. Im not saying this to cause her pain. In fact, I wouldnt waste my fucking limited time if I DIDNT care. Trust me, I have duties to be met at a certain quota every single day. I say this shit only because I give a shit and care. If we met, she’d fucking hate me. But people like me are good for shaping people up to their potential. And we arent always this ‘tough love’ either. But when someone needs that level of harshness to help themselves, we’re not afraid to lose people or cause upset if the results end up being the best for them. If she ever saw this, she needs to re fucking evaluate her message, her story, and those she’s choosing to welcome into her circle. And all Im seeing is one rookie mistake after the other. Her paid patreon discord. Just like the messages Honest has posted on her side of being harassed (not in Vivs fyi), Ive experienced shit and bullying and even stay silent on their for being attacked for a group I fuckin paid to be in and yet I feel isolated. It’s all arsekissing and ‘thank you viv’ (thats an actual channel-) and it feels like a place of borderline worship and people trying to appease her 24/7 whilst kicking others with different opinions down. There’s so many I love but I aint kissin yer fuckin arse. Ask the closest friend I have - we’re fucking raw and wont just side with each other just because. We’ll call each other out if we think they’ve fucked up and then help each other build themselves up better. Because real fuckin people who actually care wont just want to be adored by you. They’ll care enough to point out your bullshit and help you, even if they upset you at the time. They’re real and upfront with you. People like us arent always the easiest to be close to either because we arent afraid of upsetting someone if it’s in their best interest and to help them. Likewise, we dont go out looking for fights either. Most times, we’re fuckin soft bastards- All this shit listed is the fuckin surface level of the real life hell of this fandom. And unsurprisingly, those who experience little to no toxicity have always been higher on that popularity ‘food chain’ - enough admirers and shared opinions that people wanna arse kiss regardless of their OWN feelings as well as neutral perspectives. I’d say you’re the lucky fans, but you’re not. You’re sheltered, and that isnt always the best way to be sadly. As for the fans. If Ive upset you. Well... I dont care. Because many of you have actively sought me out and weaponised my traumas against me. You never cared about my feelings then. Why should I care about yours? Im not doing this out of malice. Im fed up of humans behaving so pathetically yet claiming to be high and mighty. Most of you have been arseholes to those in and out of the community. The victims and non-victims alike. Hardly any of you considered once my real suffering. You put a drawing over a life. Many lives. You had the audacity to tell me Im full of shit. Some even using my real traumas to make a mockery of me and those Im around with a very similar history. Some with traumatic histories that differ from my own. You hardly ever considered the real lives of those effected. So no, Im not sorry for having the fucking balls to this day to still stand up for our rights and give us a voice that’s long been stolen. Im not sorry for being a fucking victim. Im not sorry for saying what desperately NEEDS voicing. And Im not sorry for not conforming to you or any fandom just to belong. We deserve better than to constantly be your fuckin arse monkeys (well... the trope is butt monkey but yknow-) and to be mistreated, misrepresented and harmed by you. You’re no different to the school bullies who give speeches on anti-bullying day. And I hope every single one of you starts looking into yourselves and improving. PS: Depending on the texts you read, Lucifer is said to have been redeemed or to be redeemed. Fun fact to haunt yalls with~ “

#warning long #long post #hazbin critical #very long rant #important #hear victims voices #just sick of how awful people can treat one another and believe this is acceptable #everyone is accountable #toxic fanbase #Toxic shippers #toxic ships #im literally too fucking old for this #forgive the anger but after years and years it gets so cumbersome and tiring #im happy to be the pariah if it means victims actually get heard and helped