#but to me I think it’s the relationship so obvious it can go unsaid like how the first few Disney movies’s princes didn’t speak cuz their | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

riseatlantisss · 9 months

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The end we start from

Pairing : Astarion x female!reader/Tav Around 1,8 words Takes place after the events in Cazador's palace in act 3 (non-ascended Astarion, established relationship) Angst with a happy ending (and loooots of sex) <3

Astarion doesn’t feel good enough. you show him he’s everything.

TW : 18+ MDNI, unprotected sex, very angry/angsty/rough sex, fingering, mature language, mentions of death and depression, mentions of blood

A/N : when i don’t work, i do two things: i take care of my dog and i play BG3. i don’t eat. i don’t sleep. i don’t socialize. i just play BG3. and I write stuff about *him*.

Astarion is many things. Quiet is not one of them. But lately, that’s all he’s been, and you’ve been worrying about him night and day. Tonight is no exception. You wake up in the middle of the night and realize two things : not only is Astarion’s side of the bed empty but the sheets and pillows are untouched, uncrumpled. His side hasn’t been slept in. This isn’t right. Of course, he doesn’t really need to sleep but he always, always lays next to you at night, spooning you, playing with your hair and whispering sweet I love yous in your ear until you fall asleep. His absence means something’s off. Unable to shake off the anxiety, you get up in one swift motion, determined to find him. No chance you’re falling back asleep now anyway.

Your bare feet hit the cold marble floor and you shiver as you make your way accros the bedroom in a hurry. You think of searching outside in case he went for a hunt, but it turns out you don’t have to look too far. There he is, silently leaning against the wall by the window, gazing into the pitch-black night of the Underdark. The light in the room is so dim that you couldn’t even spot him from your bed. You approach him and your heart breaks a little when you notice the lingering sadness in his crimson eyes, enhanced by the faint light of the burning candles next to him.

You want to ask him if he’s ok but it’s obvious he’s not so instead, you remain silent and close the space between the two of you, wrapping your arms around him and gently resting your head on his shoulder.

“What are you thinking about?” You ask softly after a while, your voice barely above a whisper.

Astarion averts his gaze and gives you a faint smile, nothing but a twist of lips.

“Nothing,” he replies. “I’m just being selfish, as usual. Forgive me, y/n.”

You frown and stare at him incredulously. “You’re not selfish,” you say, surprised at how intensely he means it. “Why would you even say that?”

“I –” He pauses, rethinks his words. This does nothing to make you less worried. “I caused you great pain,” he finally says. “I put you in danger. Repeatedly, ever since we met. You could have died a hundred times and it would have been my own, entire fault.”

You look up to him and feel a lump form in your throat. You have never seen him look like this – grief in his eyes and etched into the lines of his face.

“I’m not dead, Astarion. I’m right here with you.” You say as you wrap your arms around his neck. He makes a sound somewhere near a sob and your arms tighten.

“But I did put you in danger and now you’re stuck with me for eternity, in the middle of nowhere, and you—" Again, he stops. He’s bad at this, at talking about emotions. But he fights through it because it’s you. And nothing can be left unsaid between the two of you. Not after everything that’s happened. “You deserve so much better. You deserve the world, and I can’t give it to you.” You’re not sure where this conversation is going but you don't want to find out. His lower lip quiver but he goes on, words spilling out of him like blood from a wound. “I can’t give it to you, and I’ll never be able to forgive myself for it. It’s killing me all over again.” You crumble under each one of his words. His lips are trembling now and you can’t stand it. You can’t but you can’t do him the dishonor of looking away either.

“Astarion, I chose this life.” Your hands flutter to his face, each one cupping a cold cheek, forcing him to look at you. Your heart is pounding, and you know he can feel it. “I had a choice; I could stay, or I could run, and I chose you. I’m not stuck here. I’m home.”

Astarion heaves a faltering breath in an attempt at composure. “Sometimes I think you would be happier without me. Better off.” He barely mouths the words, but you hear them all distinctively, nonetheless. “You should go and leave me here. Walk in the sun. Be happy and live your life.” You draw your hands away from his face and he steps back, speaking louder now.

“It won’t get any better in here,” he continues, gesturing urgently around the room. “It’ll always be cold and dark, I’ll always be a blood-thirsty monster. I belong to the shadows, and I’ll never be able to make you happy, so you might as well just leave.”

His words knock the air out of your lungs and, for a moment, you cannot breathe. You feel your pulse pounding in your veins and blood thrumming under your skin as your heartbreak turns into anger. That fucking idiot, you think, looking up at him through eyes blurred with tears.

“You don’t know what makes me happy. You don’t,” you shout, surprised by the vehemence in your voice. "And you certainly don't get to speak for me." Astarion looks at you in such confusion that you almost feel bad for a moment, but you continue.

“You – you make me happy, Astarion, gods you do. I would rather live an eternity in the Underdark with you than one more day in the fucking sun.” Your heart is clenching in your chest, and you can feel the heat pooling in your cheeks. “By no means would I be better off, let alone happier, without you. I can’t believe that you could even think –” You trail off and sigh in frustration. You can’t bring yourself to scream at him any longer because that’s all he’s ever known before you, screams and shouts and abuse, and you can’t do this to him. But that doesn’t leave you with many options to get through to him. Astarion opens his mouth to say something, but you don’t let him.

Without warning you grab his shirt to pull him close and your lips crash into his, knocking the breath out of both of you with the force that you collide with. It only fuels your rage because the moment his lips are on yours, you can’t help thinking that you almost lost this once and you can’t actually lose it. You won’t let that happen. So you kiss him harder. It’s rough and desperate and sloppy. It's harsh breath and biting teeth.

He turns you around and backs you against the wall. You take it rather hard, but you welcome the sting. Anything to shut him up about not being good enough for you. He crowds in closer, presses you even harder against the wall, shoving his knee between your thighs. His cold lips connect to your throat, making you eagerly tilt your head to give him access to your thrumming pulse dancing at your neck. You have absolutely no qualms about it. If he wants it, it’s his.

But he doesn’t take it. Instead, his mouth sucks and licks, making you squirm and rock your hips against him. You cling to him, grabbing his shoulders and sliding your hands down his shirt and to his back. He hoists you up like you weighed nothing and you wrap both legs around his waist. You tangle your hands in his curly silver hair and pull him forward to feel that mouth on yours again. His tongue running over your lip makes you grind faster, searching for more, more, more. You moan when his hand reaches beneath your gown and through your damp underwear.

Firm, icy fingers are stroking you into madness. You make a sound that’s close to a whimper, but more like a groan, because damn it, you are so impatient now. You are clenching – aching to have him inside.

He is gasping at the feeling of your fluttering around him, and you must be gasping too, but you’re not sure; your head falls back and it feels like you’re breathing, but you could just as well be drowning.

You dig your nails hard into his back - you need to channel the anger into something. Maybe you’ll be the one drawing blood this time. You lean forward to rest your dizzy head on his shoulder and groan in anticipation. Not wasting anymore time, he pushes his hard, large cock into you, going steadily until he’s all the way in.

“Harder. Fuck me harder.” You plead and he obeys.

He sets a pace that graces all the right spots, spurred on the increasingly desperate noises escaping your mouth. This is no effort at all for him, holding you up easily and fucking you hard with determination. But you can see it when you rest your forehead against his – the sheer weakness you feel is reflected right back at you and you know he needs this just as much as you do.

You are so close. You need to concentrate on breathing, just so you simply don’t die. Your lower back thuds against the wardrobe with your oh gods and fucks singing in tandem. The vampire trails open-mouthed kisses and little bites down your neck while maintaining the almost vicious pace in and out of you. Every stroke curls and loves and breaks you into submission. You forget to be angry because your release is in his hands and your body is desperately handing itself over to him.

Your thighs start to quiver around him, the sounds of wetness and the feeling of his own explosion of pleasure deep inside you taking you so high that eventually, you shatter into him. You’re so grateful for the strength holding you up, so you can fall apart.

Your repeatedly moan his name on your way back to consciousness, lips brushing softly against his pale skin.

Before you know what is happening, you break into a sob.

“Please…. Please don’t ever tell me to leave, ever again.” You try to articulate, your voice shaking uncontrollably.

He sinks down onto his knees, holding you in his lap and whispering, “Shh,” into your ear.

“I’m so sorry,” he says, his voice is low and full of gravel. He never sounded so sweet. “I love you, always have and always will. And you’re not going anywhere.”

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paper-daisy · 2 months

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Like many of us I'm doing a TWD rewatch, looking for all those pre-relationship moments, and a great little one in 4x01 is after Michonne arrives back at the prison -- there's a moment where Daryl tells her "Glad to see you're in one piece." HOWEVER, when he says that he turns to look directly at Rick. Who in turn quickly looks away, almost bashful.

You can just imagine what Daryl had to put up with, with Rick in those early days. So I had to fic it.

Rick never said the words aloud. He never outright said, "I'm worried about Michonne. I hope she's okay. I hope she comes back." He was never that obvious. But to someone like Daryl, a man naturally of few words himself, it was clear as day that their fearless leader was never fully relaxed whenever that smartass/badass - who was more than capable of taking care of herself - wasn't safely tucked away behind their walls.

But what Rick would say when she was gone was - "There was a herd moving south, right?" Where Michonne had last gone hung unspoken between them. And when Daryl answered Yeah, Rick would just place his hands on his hips and nod, jaw tight, as he scanned the perimeter of the compound as if waiting for someone to magically appear.

He would say - "There's a lot more bandits out there, roaming in packs. Isn't that what you said?" A grunt and a shrug from Daryl, and Rick would nod like they'd just had a conversation and go back to his farming, digging the shovel into the dirt with a bit more force than necessary, making a point to not look at the fence. They hadn't heard from Michonne in two weeks.

He would say - "Nights are getting cold," while standing outside at the communal kitchen, plate in hand, his gaze always drawn to the barely visable fence line. Daryl had hummed in agreement, fighting the urge to tell him that Michonne should be fine as she had pilfered his poncho, something Rick already knew.

And on one strange occasion he said, "Do you think we should get some more ... art? In here?"

This had stopped Daryl in his tracks. "What?"

Rick shrugged, perhaps a little sheepishly, but continued. "We have a library, potted flowers, even some toys and things for the kids. This is our home now. Thought ... maybe it could use a bit of ... brightening?"

Daryl just starred blankly. "You want me to, what? Bring back pictures?"

For a moment it looked as if Rick was about to finally say what was actually on his mind, before he instead gave a rueful smile and waved his hand in the air as if to dispel the conversation. "Nah, nah, never mind. It was just a thought."

He walked away, leaving an utterly perplexed Daryl behind who simply shrugged and went on his own way. It was only later that day as he passed by Michonne's empty cell did his eyes fall upon that weird colourful cat thing, the one that looked like it was about to start a fight. It was such a stupid, useless thing but Daryl remembered how Michonne had presented it to him with an air of triumph, as if it was the most gorgeous thing in the world. He didn't get it.

Did Rick really think that if he made the place more art-filled, Michonne might want to hang around longer? he wondered, then immediately dismissed the idea. Well, clearly not because he gave up before he started. Like with other things.

Only once had Daryl said the unsaid thing.

Almost everyone was asleep. Well, Carl was hid under his blankets reading comics and there were low conversational sounds coming from some darkened cell, but for the most part things were quiet.

And they were kept quiet by an exhausted Rick, pacing back and forth with a fussy Judith, bouncing her non-stop so her cries wouldn't awaken the entire community. He'd nodded to Daryl, who in turn took a moment to ask if he needed help putting Judith to sleep tonight.

"No, thankyou" said Rick tiredly. "I think she's pretty much worn herself out by now. Should be sound asleep soon."

"You too."

Rick sighed. "Yeah. I just ..." He shifted Judith a little, "Even when I do get to bed, I can't seem to stop thinking. Thinking of plans for the future, for the people we have in here. The people we bring in. How to protect everyone inside these walls. Keep our people safe despite ... well, despite everything." Rick looked at Daryl as if he might have the answers to those questions he hadn't quite asked.

All he could do was shrug. "We just try. Trust that we all know what we're doing. Lookout for everyone here. Not much more we can do, is there? Future don't care about anyone's plans."

Rick didn't look totally reassured, but he still smiled slightly as Daryl's efforts. "Yeah. I just worry, is all."

"I know." And as Daryl passed by he gripped Rick's shoulder and muttered, "Shouldn't worry so much. Michonne'll be back, all in one piece. You'll see."

And the man had the audacity to look confused, stuttering out, "Yeah, I know that, but - but I wasn't talking about Michonne, specifically. I'm not worried about her. She can take care of herself, I know that, and she always comes back, it's just ... with everything ..."

As he trailed off Daryl eyed Rick critically for a moment. He really thinks he's selling it, he thought, before giving a soft grunt that was akin to laughter and wandering off to bed, leaving a somewhat disconcerted Rick behind, gently bouncing a sleeping Judith.

And the very next day who should come riding through the gates but one Michonne, smiling, baring gifts and all in one piece, as Daryl made sure to point out to Rick, who's ears suddenly went bright red as if Michonne might somehow be able to figure out that they'd been taking about her just that night before.

But she didn't notice. She was too caught up in her almost obsessive search for the Governor and already planning her next venture out, unaware of Rick's barely suppressed disappointment or of the sigh that Daryl kept clenched behind his teeth as he tried to subtly talk her out of another long run. It wasn't her who was stuck with Rick and his wordless pining.

Because it was pining, even if he never said nothing. If they were in school Daryl might've suggested he pass her a note.

When she had quickly offered to go back out again with the rest of the scavenging party - even though, as Carl had said wistfully, she'd just got back - and Daryl could do nothing more than give Rick a comforting pat, grimacing slightly as the man's expression said exactly the same thing his son had vocalised.

God, this was going to wear thin soon.

Ah well. Wasn't like they had TV anymore.

#the walking dead #richonne #rick grimes #michonne grimes #daryl dixon #Heehee #just a spurt of fanfic on tumblr - haven't done that for a while. :)

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hard-core-super-star · 8 months

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Can i please request that Griffin and reader are working on a car together, and hailee just stares and admires reader. (Who is in a tank top, showing off her arms.) And r has grease all over her hands.

like words left unsaid [H.Steinfeld]

pairing: hailee steinfeld x reader

summary: hailee can't ever seem to keep her eyes off of you and you can't really complain about that.

warnings: none; fluff, no plot; hailee being a dork in love and R teasing her about it despite being just as whipped; me pretending i understand car stuff; weird pov shenanigans again

wordcount: 1k

a/n: this is an unofficial sequel to remind me i'm alive because i can and i want to :) my hailee fics have lowkey been flopping lately and i can't even be mad because she's just so...confusing lately. and i think it shows in the way i write her nowadays. that being said, i attempted to write pure fluff with her again so we'll see how this goes, hope you enjoy <3 gif is lowkey irrelevant, i'm just gay

* * * * * * *

“This is so boring, how the hell do you guys spend hours doing this?” Hailee complains for the fifth time in the past twenty minutes.

Her comment makes you laugh, mainly because no one asked her to join you and Griffin while you do a full tune-up on your beloved Corvette but she refuses to leave despite how boring she seems to find it. Her stubbornness has more to do with you than anything else but you pretend not to notice in favor of teasing her.

“You’re free to leave if you want,” you reply.

Griffin chuckles but doesn’t say anything. He very clearly stays out of things for the sake of his own sanity, his head ducked under the hood of your car.

You, on the other hand, decide to take a step back and let him continue his inspection of your battery. Your hands subconsciously attempt to smooth out the wrinkles on your tank top which leads to you leaving oil stains on the fabric.

You mumble out a few curse words and motion for the brunette to hand you a towel.

Hailee’s focus is somewhere else though. And she’s never been more thankful she decided to stick around to watch you tinker with your stupid car all afternoon.

She swore it was only because she wanted to spend more time with you but that idea didn’t really cross her mind until she saw what you were going to wear while messing around with said car. Your beauty has never been something she’s questioned before and yet it’s not until moments like these that she’s particularly aware of it.

The sight of you in a tank top is more than enough to make her heart race but add in the way your hands effortlessly grip the ridiculous amount of wrenches you have to use and she’s pretty sure her feelings for someone have never been as obvious as they are right now.

“Earth to Hailee,” you speak up, a wide grin on your face. “You gonna give me a hand?”

Your words snap her out of her daze, her brown eyes wide from the shock of being caught blatantly checking you out. “I, uh…”

You can’t stop yourself from laughing at her reaction although you hold in your urge to tease her until later.

Despite having been dating for a few months, you still haven’t told her brother about your relationship. It’s not a secret per say, it’s just easier not to have to deal with his jokes while you two figure out how to make things work.

“Just go grab a towel from the kitchen,” Griffin says. “All the ones we have here are dirty already.”

“Sounds good.”

You stare expectantly at Hailee, who takes a few seconds to understand what you mean before following you back into the house.

“You’re going to have to work on those heart-eyes if you don’t want anyone to catch on,” you tease her the second you’re inside and away from Griffin’s prying ears.

“Shut up,” she replies with an overdramatic pout. “It’s not my fault my girlfriend is so attractive.”

“Flattery will get you everywhere, Steinfeld.”

You walk toward the sink, her laughter following after you, and attempt to wash away the oil that sticks to your hands. You fail for the most part but at least you don’t feel as gross anymore.

The second you turn around again, Hailee’s hands are on your waist, pulling you in toward her. You welcome the embrace and eagerly wrap your arms around her neck in response.

It hasn’t even been two hours since the last time you two were alone yet here you are acting like you’re starved for affection.

“Hi,” she mumbles while she leans forward to press her forehead against yours.

It still baffles you how soft she truly is. She plays the part of a self-assured celebrity incredibly well for someone who seeks out your loving gaze so often.

She’s a beautiful tapestry of mix-matched personality traits and you’re the lucky fool who gets to spend hours admiring each and every piece of her.

“Hey there,” you whisper in response. “Can I help you with something?”

“Let me think about it.” The words aren't fully out of her mouth before her lips find yours.

You smile into the kiss, letting her pull you impossibly closer to her while the air around you fills with the love you can’t quite hide.

A love you’ve technically not spoken out loud yet. It’s not that you’re not happy to feel it, you’ve just been caught up in some other, more passionate, aspects of being with Hailee.

Plus, if you’re being honest, you’ve been in love with her so long, you sometimes forget how new this still is. You’ve known her for years but now you get to know her better, in ways that make you regret hiding the truth for so long.

“I’ve got an idea,” she announces when she pulls away from you.

“I’m all ears, babe.”

She can’t resist giving you another quick kiss before speaking again. “How about we ditch my brother and go get something to eat? I’m starving and I don’t think I can watch you mess around with that car any longer.”

“I thought you were enjoying the view though?”

She rolls her eyes at you, the tiniest hint of a blush spreading along her cheeks. “I'd like to enjoy it somewhere more private.”

A million responses cross your brain yet you go for that one that will annoy her the most. “You'll have to pull Griffin away from my car for that.”

“Way to ruin the moment.” She doesn't break the embrace despite her complaints. “And I thought you guys weren't done yet.”

“We were technically done half an hour ago but your brother loves my car and you love checking me out so it seemed like a win-win,” you reply with a smirk and shrug.

“y/n!” Her over-dramatic reaction makes both of you burst out laughing. “You’re the worst.”

“You love me.” The words slip out faster than you can even think.

Thankfully, she doesn't give you the chance to panic.

She merely smiles as if you've said the words a thousand times before. And in a way, you have.

Which just makes it all the sweeter when she says,”Yeah. I do…but you're still a jerk.”

“We’ll have to agree to disagree on that.”

#hailee steinfeld x reader #hailee steinfeld x female reader #hailee steinfeld x you #hailee steinfeld x y/n #hailee steinfeld fic #hailee steinfeld imagine #hailee steinfeld fanfiction #hailee steinfeld #hawkeye #mcu #mcu fanfiction #marvel #wlw #wlw fic #writing

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soobadnoonecanstopher · 10 months

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Can I Stay? (A Baekhyun Story) Part 3.

Pairing: You x Baekhyun

Rating: M

Word Count: 6.4K

Warnings: Unresolved sexual tension, apologies to anyone named Chet, contagious giggles, gratuitous use of the word cunt, an unspecified age difference, an English story that uses the word Noona for lack of another word in English that carries the same feeling, if you don’t like this, then don’t read this story.

Author’s note: remember all those years ago I said I’d write a Baekhyun x Noona fic? This is that fic.

Inspired by the Ray LaMontagne song Can I Stay

Tag List: @andimoon @his-mochi-cheeks

Story Links: Can I Stay? Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5

[WARNING- This is Part 3! part 2 was just posted a day before this. DON’T SKIP PART 2]

‘Noona, can I stay?’

Of course you wanted to tell him yes. Of course you had grown attached to him in ways you could never tell him. But how much power did this man really think you had in this company? Between the two of you, he had so much more influence here; heaps more than you had.

“Baekhyun, that is not a decision for me to make. You are a great assistant, but you are a more important person than just my assistant.” You made your best attempt at it. The sooner he understood the magnitude of his potential the sooner he would let go of this fixation on staying in this department as your assistant and the better off he would be. If for the sake of his future in this company, he should probably move on. Although, you also realized that part of what made you so damn good at your job was the years of experience you had with it.

“And…if the decision was yours?” His eyebrows were lifted and his expression challenged, as if he asked some mysterious, unsaid veiled question instead of this very obvious ‘Can't I just stay as your assistant’ question he was actually asking. You wondered what had made him so determined to get a response from you.

“I think with a couple of years here with me, you would get too good and surpass me.” You pursed your lips in contemplation. You saw his incredible potential the minute he walked through that door on the first day.

“And then I would have to kill you.” You said it with a straight face and it took him only a minute before his eyebrows dropped and he let out a half exhaled breath mixed with a loud laugh.

He’d spun on his heels and taken a step back from you, before turning back to look at your face again, his wide grin quite evident on his face. “This is the first time I’ve heard you make a joke.”

“What makes you think I am joking?” You deadpanned, no longer even looking at the man and he laughed out loud again.

“Oh my god,” he said out loud to himself. “I think this might be a new step in our relationship.”

“I beg your forgiveness, you kick me in the chest. I ask you to hold on to me and you threaten me with death.” He was talking only for himself now. Amusing himself with his little jokes like he often did. “I’m not gonna lie, I’m kind of into it. I guess that ‘What Rihanna Song Are You’ quiz was right. Chains and whips do excite me.”

“Are you done?” You interrupted, actually unable to take any more after your started leafing through the pages and pages of work you had accumulated on your desk.

The more you looked the less you wanted of all of it. You began handling everything with rougher hands and eventually resorted to angrily tossing things into a miscellaneous pile you had just created that made no logical sense. If these things annoyed you the most, they landed in that pile. After a while, after every other toss a swift hand would come into your field of vision and pull something out of the pile.

You didn’t know where it went, but the pile was shrinking and your mood was feeling lighter because of it.

The only pile left after Baekhyun’s mystical sorting just needed signatures. You could do that and walk at the same time if you had someone watching for obstacles in your path.

“I have a meeting with Choi’s First AE in ten minutes and I needed all these signed like yesterday. Let’s go.”

“Now?”

“Now, Baekhyun. Sign and walk and don't let me fall into an open manhole cover.”

He did pretty good with it. “Step up,” He called out beside you and you stepped up when he told you, finding the perfect rhythm and finding the step he warned you about. “Four steps, then turn right,” he said again while also grabbing the folders and flipping to the signature pages that he had already pre-marked with brightly colored sticky tabs last week when he was desperately trying to get you to sign them. Apparently he had been getting emails about them. They were overdue. There might have been phone calls too. Not dangerously late, but you did feel guilty for the delay. Why didn’t you think of this before? You’d probably wasted hours of your life just walking. Those walking hours could have been used for signing. You were pretty sure you were a genius.

That was until your forward progress was abruptly and jarringly halted by a firm arm wrapped around your waist and you were pulled back violently. A loud sound like a beast’s roar echoed against your eardrums and you gasped out loud. Your stomach leapt up into your throat as a panic rose up inside of you from the shock of it.

You’d just stepped off a curb. He’d warned you about the step down, that wasn’t the unexpected part. The danger came too suddenly for either of you to prepare for right after that. You smelled the exhaust of a retreating motorcycle. You could see the crazy driver speeding off in your peripheral vision. You felt the trembling and the shaking inside of your chest as you tried desperately to breathe though the tightness of the arm squeezing around your waist, pulling you back to safety.

“Shit,” Baekhyun swore out loud sometime during the commotion and you’d cried out the same.

It took a few moments of steadying yourself. When your mind sharpened to what happened you found yourself having stumbled back two or three steps with Baekhyun’s arm still wrapped around your waist, the firmness of his forearm digging into the softness of the skin directly below your breasts and his hand you felt laid flat over your rib cage, fingers digging in hard. Tight and firm everywhere. You felt bound up entirely. A clattering of documents bounced onto the floor by your feet and your eyes blinked hard and fast as you tried your best to calm your breathing down. He was still holding onto you when you could feel the panic subsiding and your breathing returning to normal.

Baekhyun’s upset seemed to take longer to pass. You felt the rapid up and down breathing of his chest echoed through your back and his face was buried in the space just over your shoulder, against your neck and into your hair. You could feel the heat from his breath on your neck. It was warm and sticky.

You gave a light tap over his arm that still held you tightly around your waist. Trying to get him to loosen the hold and let you go. It took some convincing though. His arm was very firm and he was holding you very tightly. Close call with literal death aside, a new danger was quickly making itself evident. He felt incredibly warm and nice with his body pressed up against you like this and you recognized the need to separate yourself from him if you were going to keep any remaining bits of your sanity and self resolve intact.

“Are you okay? You aren’t hurt?” He asked from somewhere buried behind you and you urgently nodded. He needed to let you go. He smelled so good.

You tapped his arm again, faster and more insisting, nearly begging now.

“I’m okay,” you said as calmly and as convincingly as you could manage with the limited oxygen you had in your lungs. You could finally feel the tension in his body relaxing a little. But only a little. The longer he held onto you, the more you felt something else making the air around the both of you feel so heavy — something else making the heat spreading between your bodies somehow feel warmer.

Baekhyun was not letting you go, and this was changing for him too, it seemed.

It took no less than a miracle that you did not moan out loud when you felt the deep inhale he took into his lungs with his face still buried deep within your hair. That deep inhale was paired with the smallest sound that came from somewhere deep inside of his chest that, if you were thinking strictly with your rational brain, you could maybe contribute to the relief. He made that sound out of relief that you were not hurt. He pulled that warm breath into himself deep and slowly, savoring it for much longer than necessary out of…relief. A wave of warmth ricocheted through your chest and down into your belly and you closed your eyes through it, desperately reminding yourself that you and him were now, well out of harm’s way, standing on a sidewalk at your workplace where anyone with eyes could see this.

Your tapping was harder now. It woke him up.

As soon as his arm was loose enough, you made a quick and clean break of every and all bits of contact with his body. As abruptly as this happened, you extracted yourself and you ignored the way his eyelids fluttered slowly open and that fucking pink hue in his cheeks and lips that turned his face into one of the most attractive faces you’d ever laid your eyes on.

You squatted down, picking up everything that had fallen and soon enough he joined you, grabbing things from your hands to add to his piles without saying a thing about what maybe he also felt building between the two of you whenever you happened to get too close to each other.

It couldn't happen. It no longer mattered whether or not you believed it was happening. You knew for certain that whatever was or was not happening, it needed to stop here. You simply would never put yourself into any position for this man to need to touch you ever again. You could not trust yourself.

A moan. You almost moaned. You could practically feel the sound ready to come out of your chest if you’d only allowed your mouth to open, it would have. You were insane. You were a crazy person, a goddamned lunatic and a menace. He was your assistant for god's sake.

You steadied your breathing and your resolve and decided to allow yourself two entire minutes to sign the rest of these things on the spot. So what if you were late to your meeting. Punctuality be damned. Sure, the almost dying part was a little scary, but even you had your limits of what you could stand. You had almost moaned! What next? An orgasm right here on the sidewalk? Lock you up and throw away the key now.

You made it on time to your meeting. He was the First Assistant Editor to the Picture Editor Sophie Choi, with whom you had been working very closely with for months on this project. Sophie’s 1st was a man who simply went by Chet. No last name, just Chet. Apparently it was his thing.

He was nice. He was always polite with you even when he had some bad news to deliver, he always relayed whatever news, projects updates, or requests for your team he had for you with an empathetic and professional filter. Unlike some other utterly obnoxious 1st AEs that you’d worked with in the past, Chet was alright.

He was also tall and extremely handsome if you were into muscles, backwards ball caps, and men who looked like they probably moonlighted as underwear models in the back pages of GQ magazine. Not that you had ever seen him in his underwear, but you did follow his instagram and you always made sure to give him that little heart when he posted his pictures.

Chet was a hugger. When he saw you his smile was charming and inviting as he called out your name and he wrapped his big arms around you, pulling you in like a long lost friend. You weren't exactly friends with him. While you’d been invited for drinks with him and his team on many occasions your schedule had always been too swamped to take him up on the offers, but he was still just as friendly with you.

You didn't require Baekhyun to attend this meeting but he was weirdly insistent on tagging along after the quick introductions you made between the two men. They both shook hands and there were some formalities and awkward pleasantries exchanged between the two. Baekhyun whispered to you that he was sure that he should attend this meeting for learning purposes. You were sure nothing important other than networking was about to happen, but he insisted that everything was important in its own way. He was stubborn and after a few back and forths you finally just gave in to the man. If he wanted to waste his lunch hour, who were you to argue?

Chet made a kind of too loud joke about some rumors that you’d been saddled with some fresh meat intern and you were quick to assure him that Baekhyun had actually turned out to be the best assistant you’d ever had. After the harmless joke, you risked a careful glance at Baekhyun. If he’d taken any offense, he certainly didn't react. He spent much of the meeting sitting in the back of the room typing furiously on his cellphone, no doubt answering many emails on your behalf. Baekhyun was always busy on that phone, keeping your workload down as a side effect.

The meeting was about halfway through when your stomach growled noisily and embarrassingly, reminding you that yes, you were indeed human and you probably should eat something today.

“Why don't we take this downstairs—” Chet lifted an eyebrow in your direction, “—have some lunch… on me?”

You considered it. It didn’t sound like a bad idea. You had all of the materials already and you skipped dinner last night and now that you thought about it, you skipped breakfast this morning too. Your nerves about the presentation had kept your appetite muted. The last meal you had was something shoved into your mouth by Baekhyun sometime yesterday afternoon.

‘Eat this,’ he had said at the time and you blindly opened your mouth and received whatever he shoved in there.

“Some lunch sounds lovely, Chet. Thank you.”

“That does sound lovely, Chet. Thank you,” Baekhyun mirrored from the back of the room, obviously inviting himself along. You couldn’t be completely sure, and you definitely wouldn’t swear to it under oath, but there was something funny about his tone.

Chet’s wide smile had a microscopic hiccup as his eyes moved between you and Baekhyun and then back to you again.

“Great!” He said over-enthusiastically, almost manically and you also detected something just a little funny in his response as well.

You didn't know what, but something was up with these two men.

Lunch was delicious. Baekhyun took the spot directly beside you, took it upon himself to unwrap your utensils and he placed them just so beside your plate and Chet sat across from you and took it upon himself to unwrap your straw and place it inside your glass for you.

You weren't sure what kind of an imbecile you had appeared to be, but clearly they thought you needed help with something as simple as feeding yourself. You smiled politely to both men. Maybe they were both just overly polite people? Although you knew for a fact that Baekhyun wasn’t that polite when it was just the two of you alone.

Something was definitely up with these two men.

Oddities aside from them, you didn't realize just how hungry you were until you took the first bite of your pasta. If this was going to be your only meal of the day you were going to have some carbs dammit.

Baekhyun had grabbed a chocolate dessert with his lunch plate. You recalled him mentioning once that he wasn’t that into sweets but you didn’t want to pry. You did steal occasional glances at the chocolate layers and one such glance had your eyes bouncing up onto his face where he chewed lazily on his sandwich without any care in the world for how lovely those chocolate and vanilla cream layers looked and must taste.

His eyes slipped to the side and he looked at you as he chewed and swallowed casually. He put his sandwich down and his hand slipped over to the dessert plate. With a single fingertip he touched the edge of the plate and he pushed it quietly and carefully in your direction until it sat there beside your pasta as if it had belonged there all along.

Your eyebrows lifted and you widened your eyes in his direction, mouthing a silent and hopeful ‘me?’

He nodded his head once giving you the tiniest scrunch of his nose and he picked his sandwich back up and continued to eat until it was almost gone.

You had abandoned your pasta, you’d had your fill of it. You took the first bite of the chocolate cake and you were pretty sure you could weep. You were also pretty sure you had completely and thoroughly just fallen in love….with the cake. You could so easily be bought and sold with a good chocolate cake. Baekhyun was the winner. Whatever the competition was, if any at all, whatever these weird vibes between them were, as far as you were concerned, it was over with the first bite.

Then lunch and the meeting were actually over and you didn't catch any more strange interactions between Baekhyun and Chet. Perhaps you’d imagined it all. With your belly full and your workload even lighter you graciously accepted the goodbye hug from the tall well meaning man and you even promised that you’d make an attempt to meet him for drinks once this project wrapped. You did, afterall, have an end date in sight at last. And even if you only saw him at the wrap party where there would be drinks, you wouldn’t technically be lying to him right now. He accepted your promise with an extended pinky finger waved into the air as you walked away cheerfully.

Your mood was grand. It was probably the cake and the pasta.

“Ahh, he’s great.” You remarked out loud and from your left you heard a stifled scoff poorly disguised as a cough from Baekhyun. You turned to look at him with wide questioning eyes.

“Chet.” Baekhyun said his name out loud once with an audible emphasis on the T at the end. As if that T was its very own punctuation mark. As if it was its own hilarious punchline.

“What? He’s nice. He’s so good to work with and he’s never given me any trouble at all.” Why you felt the need to defend Chet to Baekhyun you couldn't quite explain.

Technically, Baekhyun hadn’t even said anything bad about him. He just kept saying his name as if that in itself was the problem.

��Chet.” He repeated the name again, slower this time and then he laughed outright into his hand as if it was the funniest joke he’d heard all day. You’d expected one or two chuckles from him. But strangely, and concerningly, it didn’t stop. And worse, it was weirdly contagious. You fought it all you could but you accidentally allowed a few giggles to escape when he was in the thick of the fits of laughter. It had gotten so bad in the elevator up to your office that you had to smack him on the arm to get him to stop laughing and breathe before he passed out. His eyes were watering from it. He was wheezing and he was gasping. You reached up and wiped a tear stain from his cheek and patted him right on the face kind of hard, almost a slap, anything to get it to stop. It didn’t.

You were feeling dizzy as well. You felt drunk on this madness you both found yourself trapped in. It was silly. It was childish. You couldn’t remember the last time you laughed so hard. Even something as simple as eye contact with Baekhyun from across the quiet office would set you both off again. And he’d reach for the box of tissues and cover his face completely all the while loudly cackling. You had been overworked, exhausted and stressed maybe and this was a side effect of all of it. Maybe you’d both finally just lost your minds.

He eventually wound back down, calming and then busying himself with actual work.

“Chet.” He said out loud almost an entire hour later, bursting into noisy laughter all over again. You had to actually bite down on your lip to keep yourself from laughing. You were sick of it. Your stomach muscles ached and you were so very, very tired of the giggles.

“No more,” you begged, holding your face in your hands. Your cheeks were sore, everything hurt. Finally you just gave up and left the room to go to the bathroom and splash some water on your face. What was this? You wondered if you’d ever be able to meet with Chet again and just act normal. You definitely couldn't ever meet him with Baekhyun again, that was for damned sure.

Sometime in between redoing your entire face full of makeup that the laughter and the face washing wiped it out, and taking your seventh brisk lap around this hallway you decided it was time to put your foot down.

You were in charge here. This was your department, you had twenty seven subordinates that, on a daily basis, treated you with the utmost respect and followed your orders to the letter. You had made a decision that it was time for Baekhyun to do the same. You didn't care what he called you or who his father was.

You marched back into your office to face him with a plan in place ready to set into motion and you found him in a spot you absolutely didn't expect.

He was sitting behind your desk, in your chair doing a little sideways back and forth wiggle in your spinning office chair. He was humming a soft tune to himself as he carefully and slowly wrote something down with your pen on your pack of post-it notes, underlining and dotting and crossing letters. Your office phone had been moved. You guessed you received a phone call while you were out.

When he saw you walk through the door he looked up at you briefly before looking back down at what he was doing.

“Assistant Byun,” you said firmly. He hummed out in response and continued to write without looking up at you. You were fired up and ready for this and no amount of his distraction techniques were going to work on you this time. You knocked twice on your desk. “Assistant Byun?” You’d called out again and his eyebrows shot up in the middle of his face.

“Yes, yes, I am here. Your Assistant Byun is here, what do you need my esteemed and magnanimous Manager Noona?” He was still in a playful mood it seemed.

“Byun Baekhyun, from today onward you, nor I, are not allowed to say the c-word inside of this office. Do you understand me? The c-word is banned.” You put on your angry and serious voice and Baekhyun’s eyes widened and he looked straight into your face.

“I’m not allowed to say the…c-word?” he paused and his eyes looked down at the post-it note that he had just pulled off the pack and was holding gingerly between his thumb and his index finger.

“The c-word. You are not allowed to say the c-word anymore.” You harnessed the annoyance for the time wasted today. You thought about the hours of work you’d have to do at home to make up for today and you used that to make yourself seem as authoritative as possible. You meant business now. Play time was over. This was serious.

Baekhyun’s eyebrows furrowed and he dropped his chin in confusion.

After a long moment of thought he spoke.

“Cunt?” He whispered.

You closed your eyes and inhaled a deep breath. You had completely forgotten about that c-word.

“No, Baekhyun. Not cunt, Baekhyun.” You gritted your teeth.

“The other c-word from earlier, from the past three hours Byun Baekhyun, the other c-word. You can say cunt,” you hissed in annoyance with a hand wave, “You are forbidden from saying that other c-word.” Your frustration from the day was mounting. You rubbed your temples with your fingertips, willing the headache you felt building to subside.

“So, I can say cunt in this office?” His voice was louder now and you closed your eyes, threw your head back and inhaled a deep breath. “Cunt is okay? The other c-word is not allowed, but cunt you are okay with. That right, Boss?”

“Yes. You can say cunt if you have to say cunt. Do not, under any circumstances, say the other c-word in this office. Am I clear?” When you opened your eyes he was leaning his head far back in your desk chair in a lounging position. He’d pulled the lever below the seat so the seat back leaned way back and he was watching you with that little post it still held gingerly between his fingers and there was a look of smug satisfied amusement on his pretty face.

“Did anything happen while I was away? Why are you in my chair?”

“Well,” he began, sitting up straight and pushing himself up onto his legs as he made his way back around from behind your desk where you were pretty sure you had never given him permission to be. Not that it mattered, he already had access to everything you had access to, just for the sake of the assistant’s job.

“Well?” You urged him to continue and he looked down at the note again, reaching once more for the pen he scratched something off very thoroughly and you caught a quick movement as he wrote something in its place. He stood up now, straightening his shoulders, looking as put together and professional as ever and he straightened his back as he began reading word for word from the post-it note.

“Cunt called while you were out and asked if you would like to meet him tonight for drinks. I was sure to let him know that your schedule tonight is full and would be full all week, and I made sure that he knew that you do not have space to fit him in for drinks tonight, as you will be busy all night long, with the wrap. Cunt sounded unreasonably upset and just a little bit like a c-word. You are more than welcome, but not in any way obligated, to call him back. From Baekhyun.”

He looked up from the note with wide innocent eyes and his lips pulled into the smallest little pout and you reached forward and grabbed it from him quickly. Sure enough the entire thing was there, word for word. He’d crossed out Chet, replacing it with the word with Cunt every time.

You were pretty sure you were about two seconds away from a complete nervous breakdown.

You knew when you were beat. It was close enough to quitting time that you merely wadded up the note and tossed it into the nearest trash can and began packing up your laptop and a few things you knew you could work on at home. You knew you had a hard deadline coming up tonight by midnight that you absolutely could not miss but everything was on your laptop, you could simply get it all done and submitted from home.

Your quitting time meant it was also Baekhyun’s quitting time. He helped you pack up a few of your laptop accessories, lifting a few peripherals into the air in silent question. You nodded or shook your head for what you would need and they either went into the bag or they went back to the desk. This quiet communication between the two of you was one of your favorite things about him.

The ride down the elevator to the lobby was peaceful. Today felt like running a marathon. This job was usually stressful and eventful but today had been a whole other monster entirely. You could feel the stress and tension in your shoulders and you longed for a long soak in your bathtub.

Baekhyun walked out of the elevator beside you but in no way did you both have the same destination. You knew he would go out to his car and you would make your way down to the subway. You knew he lived on the opposite side of town from where you lived. The distance had to be maybe a 40 minute drive with this office being a center point. You hoped he got some good rest at home and you knew with your workload you’d have to settle for a 30 minute nap at most.

You’d cleared the elevator hallway and stepped into the open hallway when you saw him. It was Chet, and you caught the back of him seated in a chair having a rather casual and loud conversation with a buddy. You’d recognize the 2nd AE’s toupee atop his head from a mile away. This was definitely not something you needed right now.

Your steps paused and you backed up a quick two steps, hiding behind the wall that divided the elevators from the lobby. You could clearly hear the two men laughing and reminiscing about whatever it was two buddies talked about.

Baekhyun who had been just a step behind you caught your rapid evasive motions and his eyes also zeroed in on and instantly understood the danger in the lobby.

“Oh shit,” he said under his breath. “He doesn’t even work in this building. I bet he’s waiting for you.”

“What do I do? I don't want to go out for a drink. I have a midnight deadline. Is there a back door?” Your voice betrayed your panic and Chet’s noisy words broke through the occasional squeaking of the wheels on the cleaning lady’s bucket as she mopped the hallway floor and curiously glanced at the two of you hiding here behind this wall.

‘Man, she’s got this new cockblocking assistant. Real fucking annoying, one of those pretty boys. I mean like I’m pretty but I’m still manly, you know bro? Anyway, I’ve been working on this chick for like six months which is fucking bullshit, for me, you know that. She’s a fucking tease, a sexy tease, but still. Dude, she likes all of my posts. Yeah, tonight’s the night. I’ve waited enough.’

The air felt thin and you could feel that suffocating sinking feeling in your stomach that sometimes came with these horrible realizations about people you thought you knew. Behind you, you felt his flinch as every muscle in Baekhyun’s body seemed to tense up and he took a step forward.

You reached out a hand and wrapped it securely around his arm and you pulled him back hard.

“I still have to work with him,” you said firmly and you did your best to keep the trembling out of your voice.

Baekhyun was frozen and his ears were bright red with a look of anger like you hadn’t seen before from him set deep inside his eyes.

He was eerily quiet save for the sound of his steady breathing and his fists were white from how tightly he clenched them. What was this strong reaction? It wasn’t like he had that much allegiance to you. Maybe he just hated the sight of those womanizing, degrading types of men who treated women like conquests and objects.

Baekhyun looked around at his surroundings and his focus stopped on the old woman with the mop and squeaky wheeled bucket. He was reaching into his pocket and he pulled out a crisp bill, you couldn't quite make out the denomination but it had to be at least $100 and he walked up to the woman with a smile on his face. A few words were exchanged and she quietly nodded and accepted the offering from him, turning and walking away quietly with the mop in her hand, leaving behind her bucket in the center of the hallway, close enough to where Chet sat for you to instantly understand Baekhyun’s intention.

Baekhyun was casual about it. You watched on in awe as he returned halfway to where you were and then made a quick circle, working up some speed he pulled out his cellphone and acted as if he was glued to the thing, completely immersed as he moved fast. He kicked the bucket with enough force for a wall of dirty mop water to go flying. The water was nearly black and it traveled with impressive speed, hitting Chet and soaking almost up to his waist. He yelped out in surprise and Baekhyun yelped out in surprise as he really sold it and fell down onto the floor, grabbing at his shin as if he were in great pain. The cellphone he had in his hands flew and clattered onto the carpet and Chet stood up half surprised, half enraged but too soaking wet to do much other than hobble around.

“What the fuck!?” Chet howled toward Baekhyun who was already being helped up by several concerned onlookers all who looked back at Chet in admonishment for instantly rushing to blame Baekhyun, who was clearly injured here. Chet was just wet. A few of the more sympathetic bystanders tossed a few take-out napkins in his direction.

“Who left that there?” Baekhyun called out in concern and groaned in fake pain.

“Oh no, Chet! Your pants, Bro!” Baekhyun said loudly and you had to cover your mouth with both hands to hide the loud snort of laughter that erupted from your mouth. The commotion itself lasted until Chet grumpily wobbled out of the front door, probably headed back to his own office for a change of clothes. The old woman returned shortly after that with her mop and began soaking up the remains of the liquid and Baekhyun straightened his posture, miraculously recovered from his injury and he sauntered his way back to you with a smile on his lips.

“My dearest Manager Noona,” When he reached you, he did so with his palm lifted into the air and a sweet little addition to your title on his lips, “Chet seems to have been called away on an urgent matter and is regrettably unable to join you for drinks this evening.”

“Oh no. What a shame,” you replied with a bright smile for him. You can't remember ever being quite this smiley at work before Baekhyun. If someone were to see you, they’d think you’d gone crazy. Maybe you had.

At least today was Friday. At least after you met your midnight deadline you had a late start tomorrow, you would be able to sleep in. You’d be able to eat breakfast and you’d be able to have a meal at a table like a civilized human. Your Saturday was relatively light compared to what today had been.

You said your farewells to him and you made your way to the subway, settling into the seat as you casually considered the quickest and most efficient way to make your deadline tonight. Your hand passed over the pockets, feeling for the blue external hard drive you always kept there in the pocket of this bag that had vital attachments that had been cleared and vetted by every important department at work to submit to the production teams. You felt with both hands over that space in the bag and found it suspiciously flat and terrifyingly empty. The pocket was empty. The hard drive was not in there. You were already nearly home and you searched your recent memory for clues, where had you left it. Where would it possibly be?

You searched through your memory and came up blank. Where had you seen it last? A feeling dawned suddenly and you remembered something Baekhyun had told you while you had been mentally occupied with something far more important at the time.

‘The blue hard drive is…’ His voice echoed…but you could not recall the rest of his sentence. Is where? Where was it?

You pulled out your cell phone and sent a text.

‘Blue hard drive’ you said those three words and only those three words and your phone was ringing.

You lifted the phone to your ear and before you even said a word Baekhyun was speaking.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I have it. I have the blue hard drive. Shit. This is make or break isn’t it? I forgot to give it to you. Where are you now? I’m turning around. I’m coming to you.”

“I just got home. I’ll text you the address.” You hung up the phone without saying anything else and you quickly sent him your home address. As soon as you’d done it you felt uneasy anxious butterflies swimming around inside of your belly when the realization of this hit you.

Baekhyun was coming to your house and you were about to have a full blown panic attack at the thought of that man alone in here with you.

Byun Baekhyun was coming to your house. He’d given a little thumbs up to the text message with your address and that meant that he was already on his way.

[To Be Continued]

Story Links: Can I Stay? - Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5

#Baekhyun fic #Baekhyun fanfiction #Exo Baekhyun #Baekhyun #exo fic #exo fanfiction #exo story #baekhyun story #baekhyun smut #girl dinner

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chronicoverthinker · 5 months

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A character analysis of Yoshiki cause he’s very dear to me 😔

I genuinely hope that as the story progresses we’ll get to learn more about Yoshiki’s father and the dynamics in the Tsujinaka household. Even tho we still don’t know the details we can see how much his father’s abusive tendencies ended up affecting Yoshiki , and mokmoklen is truly able to bring it out in a subtle but magnificent way in the things Yoshiki says , both about himself or others , and also in his relationship with “Hikaru”.

So, I’m not a psychology major myself but from personal experience I believe that Yoshiki presents symptoms of the so called fawn response. Fawning is also known as the “please-appease” syndrome, being mainly associated with people pleasing and codependency (see where I’m already going with this?). Usually these people seek safety by pleasing others as a way of avoiding conflict.

A possible reason as to why people might develop this syndrome is because they grew up in an abusive environment when they were little , maybe seeing one of their caretakers have outbursts of anger (we know that Yoshiki’s parents used to argue to such a degree that neighborhoods could hear them + if I remember correctly it is stated in the light novel that his father always used to slam his hands on the table and such).

As a consequence of this , he learnt that being good and pleasing his father would be the only way to guarantee his own survival. We see this happen in one of the flashbacks where his father grabs him (rather forcefully may I add) by the arm and Yoshiki just let it happen , knowing it’s best not to say anything. Even tho we can see how uncomfortable he looks with his father around.

People suffering from fawn response also have a hard time saying no , feeling guilty about expressing their own needs and feelings. Since growing up in an environment where you have to constantly walk around eggshells with others and where communication has never really been a thing , the things left unsaid make these people start believing that THEY might be the problem.

We see this happen in ch. 7. Now , I know that people will probably have various interpretations of THAT specific sequence of scenes , but personally I interpreted it as a metaphor for attempted r*pe or violation of some sort , with “Hikaru” trying to claim Yoshiki in the only way he knows , because he aches for him so damn much but he realizes that stealing Hikaru’s identity doesn’t make Yoshiki his in any way. He’s different from Hikaru and he can’t and shouldn’t expect to occupy the same spot as Hikaru previously did.

And even tho what “Hikaru” did is horrible , Yoshiki is still the one feeling bad about RIGHTFULLY trying to set some kind of boundary with “Hikaru”. He feels like HE is the one that should be apologizing for being harsh with him.

This brings me onto the next point which is being self-sacrificing , with Yoshiki quite literally feeling guilty for all the deaths happening most probably because of “Hikaru” and even deciding to share the burden of his possible next killings with him. Plus I would also add in what he said in ch.21 , where he literally states that he would give “Hikaru” his whole EVERYTHING if it meant that he could live somewhere as he pleased. He’s always thinking about others’ needs before his owns , deciding to share burdens that don’t have anything to do with him and he shouldn’t be carrying.

Other obvious trait very common in people suffering from this condition is having codependent relationships , which perfectly describes what he has with “Hikaru”. Hikaru is no longer here , so I’d rather have a fake around than having to live without him. This is what he says more or less in ch.1 , and it’s actually so heartbreaking to hear because Hikaru was quite literally Yoshiki’s light and source of comfort. He was the one always protecting Yoshiki and taking care of him. So when “Hikaru” goes “I bet you were crying not wanting for me to leave you” it is actually true , Yoshiki is no good without Hikaru! (or at least that’s what he thinks , but I swear you are baby 😭)

And even tho in ch.21 we see his journey of processing his grief for Hikaru’s death finally ending, he’s now becoming even more attached to “Hikaru” and getting all worried when he started thinking that maybe going back to the mountain might be the best option. You can clearly see his distress as he says “Didn’t you finally find the place you belong? You can’t do that. Let’s find another solution together”

Another thing is obviously the fact that he hates being scolded , especially when he’s so well behaved all the time like mokmoklen said.

I would also like to add the fact that he thinks so lowly of himself when he’s actually such a caring and kindhearted person. He says that he’s not sweet , and that he’s as hard on others like he is on himself. But as soon as Asako feels insecure about her hair he goes “I can definitely ask my mom since she’s a hairdresser” , we can see his kindness in the way he cares for his sister etc …

Anyways this was just me rambling about him because mokmoklen is able to write such beautiful characters and Yoshiki is literally my son

#the summer hikaru died #hikaru ga shinda natsu #hgsn #yoshiki my son fr #i’m sorry for spamming the tag #fighting Hikaru cause I love him more idc

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gabessquishytum · 10 months

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Hello Friend,

I am begging you to hear me out on a fic idea I just have not the time nor talent to write for now. But I really want to one day so maybe if you’ll help me get some of it out? Or feel free to add to it! It goes like this:

Hella slow build, Hob has been searching for Dream since he missed their meeting 24 yrs ago. He has nothing more to go on that Johanna Constantine looking for a being of his stranger’s description. But one day he sees Death and she can no longer hide from him that Dream was captured. She fesses up and gives Hob a hint of who to look for: “The Magus shouldn’t have been strong enough, Hob. Someone else helped him so you should stay away from it.” Hob won’t listen to that and she knows it. Bada-bing bada-boom Hob fishbowl savior intro is done.

The big thing I cannot get out if my mind is the LONGING. That they become friend friends who BOTH talk, about former lovers and sons, who visit each other’s houses, who eat together and cry together, who watch movies and maybe cuddle slightly too closely. I’m talking about the longing of too many wistful stares, too many deep silences, too much hand holding and charged eye contact, and so many unsaid words but it mostly being, “I love you.” Then after 20+ years of friendship, after Hob has reinvented himself again they finally have it out.

It was a family dinner or some stressful event for either Hob or Dream where they get too tipsy and too honest. “Gods Dream, can I finally kiss you?” Dream runs to the Dreaming out of fear but Hob finds his way to the throne room. Dream can only stare at him as he ascends the stairs and by god, why is he so beautiful? Why is he so unobtainable? Hob is not hurt, not angry, he’s confused. This cat and mouse game is so like them yet when they should have started furiously making out on Hob’s couch, Dream had disappeared into the air.

“I don’t understand, Dream. Surely, you must know how much I feel for you. I haven’t been able to hide it since you that day you shot a ramen noodle out of your nose at my impression of Destiny.” Dream chuckles but he still doesn’t look up from where his hands clench at his robe, pulling the stars around him like a shield. Hob steps forward so that their feet almost touch and he gently cups Dream’s face. Dream sighs as he melts into that hand and he’s grateful Hob does not make him look up further because seeing his beautiful face would crush him. Hob continues as a thumb caresses along a pale cheekbone. “I worried for centuries that you didn’t feel the same but I see the way you look at me. I know the regard you have given me in spades is so rare that even Lucienne couldn’t believe it. And I know I can comfort you, that I can make you laugh and that I am not afraid of any aspect of you. I can love you like you have never been loved before. And I know that you know it. So can you tell me why you ran?”

Dream takes a long time to say what he’s been thinking because while he needs Hob to know he is afraid what Hob knowing it will mean. “I will not have a relationship with you, Hob.”

“Why not?”

“I have already stated my intent, why must you know the reasoning?”

“Because I know you aren’t thinking about this right so I want to know what your lovely brain is cooking up there in order to make this reasoning.”

Hob says it so plainly, so lightheartedly that it should make Dream angry if it wasn’t something he adored about the man. But he will feign angry anyway in a spiteful attempt to get Hob to back off even though it’s obvious to them both that he won’t. “I won’t explain myself to a mere mortal. I cannot be with you so end this folly.”

“I’m actually immortal and cannot die so… And you said can’t that time.”

It was a trap. Dream turns away with a huff, out of Hob’s intoxicatingly warm palm. He walks towards the stained glass windows hoping the distance will help settle him but considering it’s colorful swirling motif is a representation of Hob’s joyous laugh the irony almost makes him scoff. He is so fickle these days. His false anger turns to embarrassment and then that turns to agony. He wants nothing more than to sink into Hob’s arms but he cannot be so weak as to ruin him. He is in the heart of the Dreaming at the helm of his throne but deep inside he knows Hob has all the power here. How long had that been true?

“Dream? My love, what are you thinking?”

Hob’s kindness burns him. Immediately his proverbial heart slams into his throat, choking him and tears well in his starry eyes. If Hob won’t take his anger maybe he would take the truth. “I cannot care for you in this way, Hob. I would not see you scorned the way I have ruined all those who previously cared for me.”

“Dream. You would not ruin me. And even if you did I would thank you for it.”

Images of Hob’s imagining flood in. Him crying with a reminiscing smile. Them screaming at each other and slamming doors. Hob wearing a suit of armor about to fight Hell for Dream and asking only to kiss him upon the hand as a boon though he knows he will never return from battle. It’s too much so Dream folds further in on himself.

“Love, please. I can see you’re hurting. Let me help you, let me love you.”

His pleading hurts and Dream does something he has never done before. He turns to face Hob and suddenly drops to his knees in front of him. Hob immediately lunges to pick him up but before he can do so Dream lays his hands on the icy stone before Hob’s bare feet. He closes his eyes against the tears there and places his forehead between his upturned palms. “Please. Please, Hob Gadling. Grant me mercy from this torture.”

Hob’s stunned into silence at the king kneeling before him. “Dream…I…”

“I beg of you, Hob. I could not bear it if I hurt you the way I have hurt those who came before you in loving me. Even now, I cannot say the words for fear calamity would instantly strike you down. So please, I am begging you as all that I am. As Dream of the Endless, Oneiros, Morpheus, Ruler of Dreams, King of Nightmares, and the master of the Dreaming and its inhabitants, I beg you please, do not love me.”

Silence echoes in the hall and the only sounds that make it pass the roaring in Hob’s ears is Dream’s unspoken words. I love you.

*****

That’s all I got so far in this hour long sleep deprived rant session (sorry!) but all that really matters to me is the image of Dream kneeling. Him begging Hob not to love him because I have always thought Dream would never accept Hob’s love so easily out of fear for hurting him because of course he’s already in love. I just always like the idea of them knowing but not saying anything because longing and pining are what make love confessions feel so much like relief. And I just want Hob to be as patient in this matter as a man who waits decades for an unknown friend. But mostly, I just want to be in looooovvvvveee.

Sorry this got out if hand lol. I did not mean to drop all this on yah😅 Any thoughts?😅 I know this isn’t like your normal asks but I’m ace so the smuttiness doesn’t occur to me so naturally. But if I ever get to writing this (in 10 years lol) then I will defs have some crying throne sex for you😘

Have a great day!! Thank you for all your wonderful thoughts that bring me joy everyday!!❤️

-🧶 Anon

🧶 anon you have RUINED me. Dream begging Hob not to love him??? Hi I'm going to cry. Dream has hardly ever begged in the entire course of his existence!! He desperately wants to tell Hob that he loves him - he can't even say it! He'd rather beg and humiliate himself than risk hurting Hob.

And poor Hob 😢 what would you do if the love of your life BEGGED you not to love him?! Holy shit!!!!

Hngnng. Thank you for sharing this, I hope you have the opportunity to continue with it! I think it has amazing potential and you can make lots of us cry with this concept!!!

#🧶 anon #the sandman #dreamling #dream x hob

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softtdaisy · 2 years

Text

MY WEDDING DATE

DESCRIPTION I you and Steve have to face some unsaid feelings when you bring him to your sister’s wedding as your fake-date

PAIRING I steve harrington × fem!reader

WORD COUNT I 3k

A/N I I think I feel in love with Steve while writing this, oops

“Tell me again why I should do this?”

“You need money, I need a date. So, I’m paying you to be my date at my sister’s wedding Harrington, it’s as simple as that.”

You heard Steve grumbled before he went in the storehouse. Either to look for a movie or to ignore you, you don’t know. Steve Harrington wasn’t your first choice. When your sister announced her wedding, and how important it was her for you to be there, what a hypocritical you thought, you started looking for someone. Because there was no way you would go there and give your parents the perfect opportunity to criticize you. It seemed like since you left the house, they took even more pleasure at finding you flaws.

You asked boys from school, explaining that you would gladly pay them for the trip, but they all had perfect excuses: they already had something to do this weekend, either a game or a holiday or something else, or their girlfriends weren’t a fan of them going to a wedding with another girl. Something you would probably thought too if you were in their shoes.

When you complained to Robin about your issue, she immediately had that expression that let you know she found the perfect solution. One that seemed like she was saving the world. In this case, she was saving yours so. “You should ask Steve! I know he hasn’t anything planned, he’s supposed to work that weekend. I’ll just have to take his shift.”

You refused. There was no way you would go somewhere, alone, with Steve Harrington. Choosing to go this wedding alone or with Harrington was like choosing to get stuck in a broken elevator with your ex or your worst enemy. But as the day passed, it seemed obvious that he was your only option. Not the best, but the only one. And you would rather die than go there by yourself.

So, there you were, trying to convince Steve to come with you. Not an easy task.

“I want you to pay for my shift.” He came back from the storehouse and gave the movie to a customer. “Are you kidding me? You’re fucking rich Harrington!” you slammed the counter and apologized to the poor lady who jumped. From the look Steve gave you, you knew he wouldn’t agree for less than that. “Fine. But you’re driving;”

He put both his elbows on the counter and brought his face right in front of yours. “Fine, but I’m playing my music.” This ended up in a gaze battle that only end when a new customer entered the store.

Next thing you knew, you were sitting next to Steve in a car driving to your sister’s wedding. Now that the event was coming closer to you, you were getting more stress each minute. Even hell wouldn’t be that scary. You tried not to think too much about it while guiding your driver/fake boyfriend as good as you can. “You can turn left after the church” you weren’t even looking at the road. Simply remembering how you felt the day you took that path in the other way, leaving your own home.

“You never told me why you left your town for Hawkins.” It was almost like Steve spoke out loud without realizing it. At least, that’s what you thought. Because when you turned your head to look at him, he gave you a quick look that said “so? I’m waiting.”

You crossed your arms on your chest, protecting yourself from what was coming. Opening your heart like that wasn’t an easy task. Specially not with someone you knew and forgot how it felt to be around. “Why do you want to know?”

“Since I’m supposed to be your fake boyfriend, I guess the least I need to know is why we meet.” Technically, Steve had a point. You still hadn’t talk about your relationship and what you were going to tell your parents. And you knew that they would allude to your past. It would be ridiculous if Steve was clueless and wasn’t able to say a word about it. You had to tell him and relive for a few minutes the worst experience in your life.

“Short story: I was dating a boy. We had sex. He told everyone what we had done. Like, everything from the place to the position. So, I did the only thing I could do. I punched him in the face when I saw him. I got expelled from high school. And instead of being angry at my ex-boyfriend, my parents were ashamed that their little girl had a sexual life. So, I was sent here, in Hawkins.”

You interpreted Steve’s silence as judgement. Like he was thinking that the guy was right, that you shouldn’t have done those things, that it wasn’t a proper attitude for a girl. All the type of things you heard multiple times before leaving your childhood home.

In reality, Steve was speechless. For obvious reason, he wasn’t surprised at you having a sexual life and enjoying it. And maybe he didn’t have the perfect parents, but he couldn’t imagine hearing those types of things from the people that are supposed to protect you. If it was his daughter, he would be the one punching that shitbag of ex-boyfriend. But not only did they treat you poorly, but they send you away to pretend you didn’t exist. Yeah, some people shouldn’t get kids, he thought. “I hope I don’t have to love your parents because I don’t.”

You laughed at this, mostly from relief than Steve was on your side. You didn’t even know why it really surprised you. You wouldn’t have tried to be with him in the first place if you didn’t think he would trust you.

For the rest of the trip, you worked on your backstory. You decided to go with something rather easy to remember. You met through your mutual best-friend, Robin, at a party. You both fell for each other pretty quickly, like it was obvious that you were made for the other. You started dating four months ago, and you didn’t tell your parents before in case it didn’t work out. But you knew you were going to insist on the “Mom, I promise you it’s the one!” Simple to remember, quick to tell and you would be free for the rest of the day.

But you were clearly not ready for that day. As soon as you saw your parents, or mostly when you noticed how cold they were with you, you knew you made the right decision by bringing someone with you. At least, you could complain to Steve. Or you could hope he would protect you.

“I can’t believe you brought that man.” You heard your mom say in your back. You barely had talk to her all day. She pretended that she was too busy with your sister, which would be believable if your sister wasn’t independent and hadn’t planned her wedding by herself. But you didn’t need your mom. You kinda wished she never came to you.

You turned around to look at her, confused. How could she know Steve Harrington? She never put a foot in Hawkins since you left, and you highly doubt your aunt called her to tell her stories about teenage boys. And since you arrived, Steve had been nothing but the perfect gentleman. You wondered what could be wrong with your fake date.

Until you realized it wasn’t your date, she had a problem with. “He’s too good for you.”

“Thanks mom, I really appreciate it.” You said with a fake smile. It hurt. It would always hurt to hear your parents talk to you like that. You thought things had change since the last time but apparently, they didn’t learn how to move on in school.

“Does he even know what you’re not living here anymore?”

“You mean, does he know I had a sexual life before him? Yeah, I think he does, considering we do a lot of different things when we are alone together.” You still had that fake smile painted on your face while your mother looked more and more furious. But you couldn’t care less. You almost wanted her to break down, but it wouldn’t be fair to your little sister.

And you didn’t have the time before Steve came back and took your hand so naturally that it felt…normal.

Truth was, Steve had followed your interaction from afar. He couldn’t hear a thing, but he saw how your face kept changing. He was pretty sure your own mother couldn’t notice the little expression that lasted only seconds on your face but that shown how hurt you were by her words. She was awful with you, he could tell. And even if you weren’t always on good terms, Steve could never think that you deserve this. You were too good. Even for him.

“Tell me, Steve, I was wondering how and why you fall for my daughter.” Steve hated how she sounded so surprise about that. When, in reality, it was so easy to fall for you.

“We met at a party, after I broke up with my ex-girlfriend. I knew [y/n] but we never really talked. But that night, when she saw me standing alone with my terrible beer, she came to see me. I felt notice, and I haven’t in a long time. Trust me. But your daughter saw me, and it felt natural to spend our time together. It didn’t take me long to fall for her. We had some good and bad moments, but I know she’s the one. Nobody makes me feel the way she does.” Steve turned to look at you with a sweet smile and kissed your forehead to conclude his declaration.

That your mother was speechless wasn’t a surprise.

But you were too. Because if it wasn’t what you had planned, it was still true.

You met Steve at a party, a few weeks after his break-up with Nancy. You were both feeling terrible that night and found comfort in each other. You talked shit about your exes, drank too much and laughed a lot too. You spend the night at Steve’s place, mostly because you were scared your aunt would send you back home if she saw you that wasted. It wasn’t until the next morning, when you were both feeling better, that you kissed for the first time. You spend the whole day in Steve’s bed, discovering each other’s body until you were too tired to keep your eyes opened. You watched old movies. It was like a dream. You probably would have thought it never happened if you didn’t do it again multiple times after that day.

You got attached to Steve. You really believed you had found someone that was understanding you and loving you. That maybe you could start a new life here with someone new who wouldn’t break your heart.

That was until Steve broke what you had, and you never talked again. At least, not until a few days ago.

“Good for you” your mother said before leaving the two of you alone in the middle of the room. She was clearly disappointed that this relationship was working. Or, at least, that this fake relationship was looking enough real to be believable.

You looked at Steve frowning, because you were also confused about why Steve sounded so convincing. He tried to not look at you, pretending you weren’t around until you hit his chest. “What the hell was that Harrington?”

“I just added my own truth in our lie.” He said, imitating a chef pouring salt on his plate. You couldn’t help but laugh at that. You weren’t sure about bringing Steve here until he said all those beautiful things. He even convinced you that you were in a relationship. But more important, he was just like the sun in the middle of a nightmare. You hated being there, but he made it look cooler. Maybe it was Steve’s secret power. Because as far as you remembered, it was also the way you were feeling when you were seeing each other. Nothing could go wrong when you were in Steve’s arms.

Maybe that’s the reason you felt miserable since you stopped sleeping together.

You were going to sit back at the table, waiting for the best part of the night aka the diner, when Steve pulled you by the hand. “If you think you’re going to miss the slow, you’re wrong. I’m not getting paid for sitting.” That’s when you realized Stevie Wonder’s voice was resonating in the middle of the room and your sister was dancing with her husband. You tried to convince Steve with a pout that you didn’t have to go, but it didn’t work.

You were now dancing with Steve. No matter how many nights you spent with him, it was the more intimate you’ve ever been with each other. You felt safe in his arms. You could feel his heartbeat even underneath your clothes and the loud music. It was almost like there were only two people in the room, and clearly the groom and the bride weren’t invited.

When you finished dancing, someone rushed to you too. “Here, I took this polaroid of you. You looked adorable!” And you were indeed, looking adorable on this picture. You noticed how Steve was looking at you so dearly and how his hands seemed to hold you like he was scared you would run away. But he wasn’t the only betraying himself on the picture. The smile on your face was speaking for you hidden feelings. You felt good with him, like you did before.

“Thank you,” Steve finally said since you weren’t answering the poor guy and took the picture from your hand. He winked at you before putting it in his jacket “I want a proof that you enjoyed that night.”

And you did, thanks to him. But you were glad to go back to your hotel room. You had enough of your family drama and just wanted to lay quickly on the bed. And have a good night of sleep.

Or at least, that was what you thought. Because as soon as you were lying on the bed, you couldn’t think about anything else that the man next to you.

You glimpsed Steve when he left the bathroom, only wearing a pajama’s pant. You always had a thing for his hairy torso and damn, that was the only thing on your mind right now. Maybe not the only one. But clearly at the top of your list with other Steve’s body part that were touching you that night. That man was driving you crazy.

“I’m sorry.” You heard Steve mumbled. You hesitated a few seconds before turning to look at him. He was still lying on his back, his arms crossed under his head, looking at the roof. You frowned, wondering if he even noticed you turned to him or if he was too lost in his mind. You slowly put a hand on his chest and when you noticed the small smile on his lips, you knew he felt you. You had many questions to ask, mainly about why he was sorry or about what he told your mother earlier.

But there was one thing you remembered from your days with him: he spent so many years not being listened to, that Steve was still afraid of opening up to people. He would rather hide his feelings than be honest and risked being laughed at. So you accepted to wait until he felt ready.

“When we met, I just had broken up with Nancy. I was miserable. And you arrived, with your fiery temperament and your beautiful body, I couldn’t resist. I needed you. You helped me a lot, made me feel good about myself. I felt desired with you. And I hope I helped you too, even if you never told me until today what was on your mind, I hope I did. But then…I fell for you, [y/n]. I fell hard and I was scared. Because I knew I wasn’t in my best state to start a new relationship. I was scared that I would treat you badly. That’s why I stopped everything, I couldn’t…I couldn’t risk hurting you so much you would hate me. Apparently, I did make the right decision since you still hated me and I started avoiding you too to not grow my feelings back. But tonight…”

You listened silently to every word Steve said. And now he was facing you and you could tell from his face that he was scared and insecure about what he was saying. Maybe you were going to reject him. Maybe you were going to say it was too late now to start something. But maybe it felt good to open his heart for once. “Tonight, you made me fall in love with you again.” he whispered, staring into your eyes.

Those were the words you hoped to hear so many times in the past. But coming from Steve, it meant even more. Because he was the guy that made you believe you could be lovable too, you could be appreciated just like you were, no matter your past or your action. And even if he hadn’t said those words, you would have known. Steve’s eyes weren’t lying. And there was so much love in them, you could only hope it was for you.

Now you knew it was.

You brushed his cheek with so much tenderness, he closed his eyes to appreciate your touch even more. He even slid his lips towards your hand to kiss it slowly. “You made me fall for you too, Harrington.” Steve looked up at you, like he was searching from the truth on your face, scared that you might not mean it. To prove him you were honest, you slowly climb on top of him and grabbed his face between your hands.

From all the kisses you shared with Steve, this one was the purest. Because it was full of loved and shared feelings. No more heading, no more fear, just love.

You and Steve were just two souls hoping to find someone who would understand them and love them. Thankfully, you found each other.

#steve harrington #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington fluff #Steve Harrington x reader #Steve Harrington x you #steve Harrington story #stranger things #stranger things imagine #stranger things fiction #joe keery #joe keery imagine #joe keery x reader #joe keery x you #my writing

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sneezemonster15 · 1 year

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🥴 in the fic naruto says sakura and ino were the prettiest girls in their class and somehow sasuke has the balls to ignore them following him around like puppies. he says hinata is really pretty lol. itachi is apparently the second prettiest after sasuke and he thinks it might be a tie between him and kakashi. gaara, neji, tsunade, tenten, kiba and lee are all apparently pretty to him too. there's this scene where he gets drunk and kisses ino, kiba, sai and lee, no internalised homophobia in sight. sasuke goes on and on about sakura and how he has a deep love for her, longs for her and feels affection for her, though he admits it's not in the way she wants. he even thinks she sees through him lol. but the really weird thing is how sasuke doesn't understand how he feels about naruto in the fic. he can admit he loves sakura in the start of the fic (and he can tell that it's not romantic on his end), but he has to have this big epiphany about loving naruto only at the end lol. and sakura obviously becomes so much more understanding lol. I think they're talented and i did enjoy reading the story, but they said they were writing everyone in character so this stuff bothered me 😞

What has always bothered me about fanfics is how they simply do not get how closetedness functions in a homophobic and heteronormative society. I don't know if the writer is American or from some other western country. But as long as you are claiming to be canon compliant, maybe actually research how homosexuality or coming out of the closet would look in societies where it is not acceptable. Konoha/shinobi world is not only heteronormative, but downright homophobic. I mean, Sakura thinks they are brothers because she doesn't know what else to call it, she is homophobic herself, and she knows Sasuke and Naruto are just way too close for being just friends, she could have told Sai they were very good friends, but one of the problems in this world is also a lack of terminology, resulting from a lack of familiarity and comfort with the topic of homosexuality but which is essentially required in order to assign names to certain feelings and relationships and dynamics that are seen as unconventional or different from the norm. Developing a certain terminology is important in order to understand interpersonal issues that are deeply embedded in the socio political fabric. You need a certain level of comfort with the idea of it to introduce and develop this terminology. I have a few gay friends in my circles and one of them has been in a long term partnership with a much younger man. The younger man is closeted and they live together, but he hasn't come out to his family or close friends. Although his family does stay over and they think their son lives with his Teacher. And they are fine with it. They are deeply conservative people and staunchly heteronormative, which is why he hasn't come out and I am pretty sure they have an idea about his sexuality, even if it is unsaid and full of obfuscation. But they don't wanna take action because being with the Teacher has been good for his career and he is able to send money to them to contribute to their household. There isn't just one reason of course, but invariably, whenever his friends or family come over, they never acknowledge their relationship even though it is so obvious. They call it a teacher student relationship who incidentally also cohabit. There's a lot of denial going in there, but it's understandable in their circumstances.

I get the feeling that they aren't totally comfortable with the idea but they are also under certain obligations themselves and they are grateful to the Teacher. But you see, the terminology is missing. There's also a major class difference.

Often in homophobic societies, and I live in one, there is so much taboo, prejudice, obfuscation and lack of information/comfort/familiarity around the idea of same sex relationships, that it's difficult to carry on a dialectic with the proper assignment of terms. Gay or homosexual is not a word anyone will use here. They will use a slang word, which denotes something derogatory. Or if they wanna deny it altogether, they will use some other word for it. Like brother or sister. Or best friend, or room mate, or Teacher. It's such a common phenomenon to reduce, invisibilise and trivialize homosexuality by giving it names that are incongruent with the actual nature of the relationship. It's almost criminal how much this invisibilisation is normalised.

I remember when I was very young, like 12 years old, I was in the car with my mother and her friend. And her friend was crying because her sister was not agreeing to marry. Marrying here invariably means heterosexual, heh, it's just a social reality. Because she had shacked up with her 'best friend', another girl, her college friend. They lived together and she would keep rejecting offers that the parents suggested to her. She was of the perfect age to marry and they were worried her golden age would pass her by and she would become a spinster, of course they blamed her best friend for it. Lol.

Now the thing is, there was a strange tonal quality to the term 'best friend' in her voice. She was weeping and I just couldn't understand why it would be a problem if her sister wanted to stay with her best friend. Lol. I thought it would be so much fun. Hahaha. I was very young. I remember asking my mother about it later and she shushed me telling me it was none of my business and not to talk to anyone about it. And it puzzled me even more.

Make no mistake, language is an inherently important and indispensable part of postulating and hence comprehending socio-politico-cultural issues and concepts, and as a result, navigating interpersonal dynamics and understanding. It's not a coincidence that this manga stresses so much on the importance of 'communication', and Naruto's character is point blank shown to stress on it, it's one of the most important lessons he learns in the course of the manga. You can't understand emotions without verbalising them in your head. Linguistics is an inseparable part of comprehension, whether it's about computing internal or external data, or both in conjunction. And when it comes to storytelling, it becomes one of the most important building blocks of expression and getting the story across to the readers or viewers. Naruto is shown to stress on communication in Boruto as well. And we see throughout the course of the Naruto and Shippuden manga, how Naruto comes to learn about and understand different characters' and especially anti heroes' feelings and resentments directed towards their dystopian world. In the kage arc, he says to Sasuke on the bridge - Sasuke, we will never be able to understand each other by words alone, we can only communicate properly by using our fists. Maybe if we can understand each other, I can change all that hate, like Iruka sensei did for me.

And yet, in the climax of Shippuden, at Sasuke's insistence, it was Naruto's words that finally resulted in Sasuke's resolution, which finally broke through to Sasuke. Because those words showed his understanding. His feelings. His love. For Sasuke.

Kishi is a well read, well informed author. It shows in his work, even the different sources he takes inspiration from, such as Monzaemon Chikamatsu and acclaimed seinen mangas. Stories and characters don't come out of oblivion.

Homosexuality having the status of taboo itself means that there will be a dearth of conversations around it, there will be a lack of normalisation around it. It will carry a weight of malignance around it, something unnatural, something dirty, shameful. There is a lot of shame attached to this topic, which explains the lack of terminology around it, or appropriate wordage around it. Calling them boyfriend or girlfriend is not so acceptable in conservative societies. Or lovers, same sex partners. 'Partners' is something that I have noticed to be more prevalent in current times around me. But it's also evident that it is vague. Purposely so. It's to minimise judgment.

And this is something I see consistently in this manga. There is so much going on throughout, as to what term to assign to this relationship between Naruto and Sasuke. Sakura calls them brothers but she knows they aren't. She is suspicious of Naruto when he says Sasuke is much better looking than Sai and then backpedaling about it. She fake smiles. Also, if she thought they were brotherly, she wouldn't have felt so threatened by Naruto. She tries to create distance between them, all to no avail sure, but she is obviously insecure about her own position in their equation. She doesn't stand anywhere in it, but she does think Naruto comes between her and Sasuke, and their special relationship threatens her intentions towards Sasuke. Similarly, Kakashi thinks it's because they are 'rivals' and tells the same thing to Jiraiya, who compares Naruto and Sasuke with himself and Oro, when Naruto and Sasuke's relationship is not really like theirs in essence. We also know that Kakashi is not the most reliable person when it comes to understanding emotional and interpersonal nuances. Just like Sai isn't, who thinks Naruto loves Sakura. Similarly, Minato tells Naruto that his 'best friend' is about to arrive on the battlefield. People in Konoha give so many names to their relationship and yet, Sasuke insists Naruto define it for him in chapter 698, because he wants to hear it from Naruto.

Naruto himself struggles so much in this regard. It always bothered me why Sasuke was not affected positively when Naruto wondered if Sasuke was like his brother. Sasuke had a brother and then, he almost as good as lost him in a way. He was certainly very fond of Naruto, if he thought of Naruto as brotherly, he should have been pleased, no? Narratively, even if he tried to deny feelings that might potentially weaken him, he is pensive or annoyed or even displeased when Naruto says they are friends or brothers. Never pleased, not even a smile. And he is capable of smiling when it comes to Naruto.

But he never does. He keeps asking Naruto to define the relationship, he isn't happy even when Naruto says they are friends. Which is why Sasuke is PUSHED, albeit with reticence, to ask - You have said that before but what does it exactly mean to you?

This is so nuanced and so understandable. He wants Naruto to assign a term to it. It's significant, it's important. A term that explains their feelings accurately so they both know. They live in a world that doesn't have the terminology to support same sex relationships, they have no frame of reference as to how to talk about it. They struggle with talking about their feelings in the first place. Their communication game is lacking. Their world only taught them how to exchange blows, not words. So a perceptive Sasuke demands a term that rightly defines it. Because 'brotherhood' or 'friendship' is not cutting it. Obviously. Naruto had been calling him a friend all this time.

Even here, the dissonance. The words Naruto uses feel incommensurate with the term 'friend' no? Like seriously what other friends in this manga act or talk like this for the other? Sasuke is his 'friend' and a bond like that can Never be broken. But we as readers, know from context that bonds of friendship were broken in this manga, what with Oro and Jiraiya or Sakura and Ino (for very frivolous reasons too), and later, with Kakashi and Obito. If there were no nuances to their relationship, I would have gladly ignored it. But then Naruto goes on to say what he would do to Oro (shivers, lol) to protect Sasuke. Like just the lengths he is ready to go to. And it fits with the idea that Naruto's feelings for Sasuke are way more intense than just friends, consistent with how they seem with each other in part one, especially vote one. Naruto dilly dallies between so many terms for Sasuke. A friend. A rival. A comrade. A brother. On the one hand, Sasuke consistently uses very emphatic terms for his feelings for Naruto when he says Naruto is his closest friend or his one and only friend, Naruto's terms for Sasuke are always a lot incommensurate with his actions towards Sasuke. And it invariably creates a dissonance in the reader's mind. Kishi manipulates the reader very successfully. Also, we all know that Kishi uses his kanji for these two characters very carefully, as he has said in his interviews as well. Apart from visuals, this is also written media, language and wordage is indispensable to storytelling.

But AT THE END, Sasuke gets mad, and asks him point blank, as to what exactly it means to him and right on cue, given this is a conclusive chapter and Naruto can't say the same shit he has been saying before this (which DID NOT satisfy Sasuke), that even if Sasuke were ask him to explain it, he doesn't know either.

He doesn't know. He has been going through the motions for such a long time. We have seen him getting insecure about his sexuality many times. Like Kishi made so many of his scenes layered, just to point it out to the reader. That he is a closeted homosexual, he suffers from comphet and internalised homophobia as a result. This panel, which is towards the very end, explains so much.

Kishi is not a fool. He is a very clever author. This depicts Naruto's struggle about his sexuality so much. He obviously wants to make sure that his LAST conversation with his father is meaningful and that everything his parents wanted Naruto to be and achieve, Naruto will satisfy. Naruto wants to assure Minato, and he doesn't wanna lie. But he also cannot make himself say it. This boy who always wanted family, finally met them through a stroke of luck (or fate) but his was still a special case. He goes into such detail about everything, everything Kushina asked him to do, all the ninja taboos, but he broke down at that moment, about women. That it should be a woman he must marry is pretty much implied no? More than implied, it's a heteronormative society after all. Kishi is NOT stupid, this was a very smart way of layering his internal turmoil, his struggle with his sexuality because he loves a BOY. Not a woman.

And thing is, all this is very realistic. Very. It has been a persistent element/trope in most coming of age films that I have seen about homosexuality. Except for films like Love, Simon (very surface level and simplistic) or 'Call me by your name' because Elio has very forward thinking parents and he lives in a very affluent and liberal society. He doesn't have the same kind of hangups about his sexuality. But films like Esteros (Brazil), Eternal Summer (China), Beach Rats (America), Giant little ones (Canada), Posledice (Polish), And then we danced (Georgia), The Blonde one (Argentina), Brokeback Mountain (America), Free Fall (German) and more, all of these films are about sexual coming of age drama or sexual awakening and have the same tropes. Comphet. Denial. Internalised homophobia. Emotional turmoil. Dilemma. Burden of societal expectations. Pain. Misery. Confusion. Even rage.

And these are really good films too. Very thoughtfully made.

There are so many complex facets to homosexuality and coming to terms with or even acknowledging it is such a complex and difficult process for young, naturally insecure, and dilemma ridden (moral dilemma included) individuals in a conservative society. Naruto always wanted to be acknowledged and not shunned from society, he didn't want to be ostracized, not after everything he went through, and certainly not to disappoint his parents. In fact, kage arc was very definitive for Naruto. But throughout Shippuden, he has been going through the motions. When Sai seems like he has defected to Oro, Team Kakashi, Yamato specifically, confronts him, and Naruto is like - Who cares what he has to say, Sai is a traitor.

He has strong feelings about Konoha.

But when he hears about Sasuke joining Akatsuki, he is worried. Puzzled, in a quandary. So many people, people he likes and respects, tell him to make the right decision, it being to capture or kill Sasuke. But he cannot do it. He goes through a very terrible time, he is wracked with worry and conflicting emotions and internal struggle. He takes his time to come to terms with all his emotions. And then finally, when he hears that Sakura is out to kill Sasuke (lolol, sorry couldn't help it), something snaps in place inside him and he makes his decision. No matter what, no matter what, Sasuke will not be hurt. Naruto will take care of it. The idea of Sasuke being hurt imminently makes the decision for him and it just clicks to him where his priority lies. He will not kill Sasuke. And if it comes to that, that it's between killing him and protecting Konoha, he will protect Konoha but also, die with him. He is not your typical hero in that sense. He takes the middle path. A hero would typically let go of his personal wishes for the greater good. But Naruto's personal wishes are for Sasuke to live and be happy, no matter what happens. He told Itachi that when the time comes, and if Sasuke attacks Konoha, he will make the right decision. This is his decision. The point is, he will simply not live in a world without Sasuke. He refuses. He will remain a fool and die but not live without Sasuke. He doesn't care about any fucking thing if Sasuke isn't in his life.

Kage arc made him realize that his feelings for Sasuke were bigger than being hokage and Konoha. And so he chose a path where he didn't compromise with the safety of Konoha's people and yet, didn't let Sasuke down. Sasuke must live or he will die.

So by now, Naruto certainly knows that his feelings for Sasuke are not 'normal', even if he didn't say it, but that's the feeling the reader gets. And because we know the context of shinjuu, we know it's supposed to be romantic. The idea of double suicide carries a lot of heft in South East and East Asian literature, classic and popular, whether it be Chikamatsu, the greatest Japanese dramatist who wrote almost exclusively on the subject, and South East Asian stories such as Heer Ranjha, Mirza Sahiba, Sohni Mahiwal, Sassi Punnun, etc. And these stories are part of the popular romance lore, they are extremely popular.

So when Sasuke asks him angrily and insistently (the kanji that Kishi uses here depicts Sasuke to be emphatically triggered), Naruto knows what Sasuke is referring to and he knows he cannot lie about it. But he also cannot say it. He has a lot of responsibilities on his shoulders. But he also cannot lie to Sasuke. Of course, this being shounen, Kishi also had to navigate carefully. But the BIG difference is that Naruto stops lying. Lying probably is not the right term. Misstating. He owes it to Sasuke to tell him the truth. And he tells him, that he doesn't know what to call it, but he knows how it feels. So what he essentially does is that he explains the underlying sentiment to Sasuke by telling him that he hurts when Sasuke does, but that he won't name (explain it) it because he doesn't know it himself. It's such a feeling that Naruto cannot name it. Now, we as readers ALREADY know that he has already used terms like brother, rival and friend. But he deliberately moves away from all of those. Let's not forget that Naruto's most important strength was his talk no jutsu, his ability to connect and put it in words that finally affected the antagonist or anti hero archetypical characters in such a way, that would lead to their resolution. Naruto is different from others in this very sense, to be able to communicate in the right way. But Sasuke was his greatest test in this manga. And he couldn't convince him, he kept misstating the nature of their relationship, but towards the climax of the story, it was important for him to say the right words to Sasuke, especially after Sasuke asked so insistently, so passionately. Because he owes it to Sasuke to tell him the truth. He cannot deny it anymore. Not after all that has happened. So we know from context that it isn't any of those terms or feelings that he used before. But it's something else altogether. What else could it be? Sasuke obviously suspected it. Or else he wouldn't have gotten triggered like this. And with exactly these heavily heartfelt words of Naruto's, when he tells Sasuke that he hurts when he sees Sasuke carry his burden, so much that he just can't leave it alone, and that he would keep fighting for Sasuke, no matter what it takes, Sasuke is finally, finally also led to his resolution, no? He says with such a peaceful expression on his visage - I have lost.

He finally accepts Naruto's love, he finally lets the love in.

Dialogue is very intricately linked to narrative and visual language, but it's so evident, it doesn't need to be said.

We also cannot ignore the way they speak to each other. Kinda like, in codewords.

When two world class shinobis trade blows, they can read each other's thoughts. So tell me, did you see what's in my heart Sasuke? How I really feel? We are not the same kids who fought here once, you know my heart, and I yours, right Naruto? If you know, then why are you doing it? That's exactly why i am doing it. Don't make me repeat it Sasuke, you already know, don't you? Now that I think about it, you were always stupid. Those feelings, those things you once talked about, now I understand what you meant by them, Naruto.

The point is, by the end of chapter 698, Sasuke knows Naruto loves him. Naruto also knows Sasuke loves him, he had known to a large extent since vote one, but his feelings got solidified as he went along his life journey. This is the resolution of this story, this is also a story about their coming of age. It wouldn't make sense for both of them to be oblivious of each other's feelings at the end of it, it will be a failure of both their painfully developed character arcs and the narrative itself. And 698 highlights how they both come to know about their feelings for each other, after so much that they both went through. Properly this time. Explained in more words that they were ever able to use before. This isn't a topic that they can talk about so freely. They don't have a terminology for it, but they somehow managed. This is what all this narrative development led to. This is how storytelling works.

Chapter 699 gives the reader a hint of what's to come after this resolution. The nightmare. Everything that went wrong. Everything that left the resolution of their character arcs awry. Not meaningless but certainly disparate. Naruto and Sasuke talk to each other like they have talked more about what transpired with them in 698. And both have come to a position where they are going to capitulate to the circumstances.

Because at the end of the day, they are shinobis. The motto of a shinobi is to endure. Shinobi is a well established phenomenon, it's not just meant for shounen or otaku. They are real. Not like Naruto world ninjas, but Naruto obviously takes its inspiration from this phenomenon. The implications of being a shinobi is very well established in the story itself. Kishi made Naruto to deviate from its conventional meaning from the start so he was written as very unlike a ninja, loud, visible and non conformist, at least initially and for the most part, except towards the end. Shinobis/ninjas are supposed to endure. Following are screenshots from an acclaimed Japanese ninja series of films called Shinobi no mono.

Happiness and pride are not for the ninja. He doesn't live for himself. He lives for others. A collective is more important than the individual. He is born in darkness and he will die in darkness. He is literally a tool. That's what a shinobi is, from a modern ethical understanding, which is valid.

But Kishi couldn't have shown a happy ending for the boys, not with the sequel that essentially required their capitulation to this world to be able to make the new gen happen. The ending has shades of existentialist themes, which are pretty much present throughout what with the cycle of hate and revenge and infinite tsukuyomi, but that the manga ended it on the same note doesn't come as surprising does it?

Kakashi, a loyal, unawakened and complacent slave of the system climbs the rungs of power and becomes the hokage. Suck up to the right people and you will get places. Top administrative power. And he never really changed, he tells Sasuke at the end that it was because of his and Naruto's efforts that he didnt end up in jail and then proceeds to tell him to be good and careful not to regress, but still never acknowledged his mistreatment and insensitivity to Sasuke's feelings and motivations and very valid reasons. Sakura expected Sasuke to apologise and repent when it was she who was clearly in the wrong, who never understood him. She keeps pulling the same shit she always does, neither her nor Kakashi are made to pay consequences for their actions, instead, they get rewarded. Itachi is venerated, his truth is still hidden and Uchiha clan never got justice or even vindication, given they never summoned the kyuubi, its secret still being kept under the shadows.

( *Note - Nobody start with me as to how it was the right thing to do, you do NOT want to get me started there because you don't know what you are talking about. )

And how will any vindication happen when the world they live in doesn't really celebrate individuality? In fact, supresses it. It was funny to me when Bee reprimanded his brother telling him he was not his tool, that he was an individual who couldn't be suppressed but then Darui tried to convince himself that he was Raikage's left hand (or right) and that he wasn't a tool. Heh. Sarutobi is still revered as the ideal leader, when he himself admitted his complicity in Uchiha massacre, Tobirama was glad Uchihas were shown their place, and Oro, the outlier, the one who is objective because his reasons are revolutionary in his own desensitized way, a result of this heartless corrupt system that gives birth to undesirables like him, who collects other undesirables, the wretched, outliers and rejects, and makes his own village, is shown to be under surveillance, but he supported the war effort crucially, deviating from his objectives (even if only because of his interest in Sasuke and not because of the village), so he gets his redemption. So does Kabuto. Neji dies as a slave, something he was determined to fight against, and Hinata got her win, she got rewarded when she didn't work for it even a little bit. But she is rich, from a major clan, an heiress. A princess. The daimyos were shown as entirely privileged, uncaring and blasé about the war, carefree, playing cards or whatever, while the shinobis that were guarding them grumbled but then just accepted their fate, to the way of this world. Because that's what happens, doesn't it? It's very realistic.

Kishi didn't write his world as an ideal world. He essentially wrote it as a dystopian world. And his influences are pretty much based on dystopian ideas themselves, featuring major existentialist themes. Ghost in the shell, Jin-Roh, The Matrix, Berserk. Including introspective films about xenophobia and socio political inequality such as District 9 and Elysium. Same director. The part where seeing Itachi's predicament that greatly affected his own and his entire clan's, Sasuke is moved to think of fundamental questions such as - What is village, what is shinobi, what is the purpose of it all? underlines his existentialist despair. His answer to it did not come out of the blue. Like many fans think. But he was written to give up his goals entirely.

And Naruto. Well Naruto said goodbye to Sasuke. He gave Sasuke his hiatiate back. And this boy, who moved the sky and earth to bring Sasuke back, bid him goodbye with a certain meditative, contemplative stance. But not unhappy. Not his usual chirpy self. Not his usual spirited, chatty and loose tongued self. But introspective, pensive. Like they had reached a decision together. Later on, he married someone like Hinata and took a job that killed his spirit. Don't even think he isn't paying for his loyalty for Konoha, where he had to kill all his individuality and murder his zest for life and adventure, and become another cog of this unforgiving, relentlessly cruel world. Lifeless and eternally tired. A colourless husk of his older self. He couldn't even bother to attend his own hokage ceremony.

Kishi is not an ultra leftist, even though I can see he understands left ideologies, appreciates it quite well, and no wonder, Sasuke was partially inspired by Sanpei Shirato's Sasuke. He wrote Sasuke's character with such nuance and veritable shades, the claim that he is some ultra nationalist is empty. He is also not a fascist. Because if he were, the end of it all would have been shown as a reward. A prosperous haven. The best outcome of all possibilities. Your reward for loyalty. That is always the conclusion of the right wing narrative. Kishi is a realist. He appreciates existentialist themes, Japan can be credited with coming up with a whole library full of existentialist literature, as a result of the aftermath of war and the generational trauma can be seen and felt viscerally in the themes of their stories. Stories about meditation on war and the nature of war, the after effects of war, the human ethos behind them. Existentialism as a theory and way of life itself became quite a thing post war even if the theory itself was introduced before it, because it reflected what the war did to people, how it affected them, what it did to their psyches and thought processes. How certain things/ideas/thoughts/beliefs that carried social and moral value for them were rendered immaterial.

Anyway. Sasuke says - I didn't think you would come to see me off.

Naruto says nothing. This hyperactive goofball of ready words and catchphrases and nicknames just haltingly handed him back his slashed hitaiate.

The ending is - Perhaps this is what makes us ninjas.

Yes it does. Ceaselessly enduring pain and grief while giving up personal and individual wishes and desires and need for justice and their individuality does make them ninjas.

Continuing the status quo does make them ninjas. Nothing really changed, nothing really mattered. There's a certain melancholic quality to this scene. Which feels different in terms of tone and pacing, doesn't it?

Regardless, it's tragic.

Naruto is different in this scene in chapter 699. I think they have already discussed it by this point. And I think they have already come to some conclusions. What exactly did they talk about, we will never know. And I would give Kishi a lot of my money and a big part of my prized possessions, including my time, to know.

But well.

Now to come to what this ask was about, lol, I have yet to come across a fanfic that does justice to them, their story and narrative. Of course, it would be unrealistic to expect that everyone would get it, but is it unrealistic that at least someone should get it?? If I can see it and others can too, can't writers do something with this? This is such rich material, with so freaking much potential. There are so many possibilities, writers can use these themes creatively. And these are mostly my condensed thoughts, I will probably go in more detail some other day. And honestly, it takes some research, sure. But don't writers put some research in it anyway?

But they go for the easy route. It's okay, that they write what they like, but at least don't call it canon compliant. Most fans don't even understand canon. Give yourself some more credit, there's so much to discover.

At the end of the day, whenever I read some fic, unless it is supposed to be light hearted, it mostly just ends up disappointing me. Especially the ones that are based in canon universe.

This fic shows Naruto as an oblivious idiot when he is more perceptive than most fans think. He understands a lot of things, he is not a doofus, he is much more experienced at the end of the manga, he is aware of some realities and he is only going to learn more. And more. He understands his own emotions. Towards Sasuke as well. Sasuke is also shown as someone who doesn't even understand that he is attracted to Naruto when he has almost always known he was. Why else would he give up his life the way he did in land of waves? Gaara, btw, is perhaps one of the very few people who understand loneliness and being ostracized. Just him, Sasuke and Naruto, more prominently in this manga. He didn't attack Sasuke in kage arc, he could have. He is also perceptive enough to know that Naruto loves Sasuke, he also understands it better than Lee, who is a simplistic character, who thinks bad people's deeds are bad. Gaara understands that loneliness and hatred can drive people to do things they otherwise wouldn't. He resonated with Sasuke. He understood his predicament. and Naruto's. Which is why he said what he said to Naruto in kage arc. I love his character and I wish more people understood him. I swear if I could have broken the screen and picked small Gaara up when his salve got rejected by that child, I would have and I would have run....far.

Ino is portrayed as carefree and confident, sure. But I dont think she would be so fine with Sasuke being gay. She, till the end, was a Sasuke fangirl. There's absolutely no indication that she would have been fine with homosexuality. Nor would have others. Konoha presents a very bleak prospect for Sasuke and Naruto's relationship to be accepted.

I know this is a lot to take. And I know not everyone cares so much. But calling it canon compliant or 'in character' when it certainly is NOT, is taking it too far. Let's try a bit more. No?

Oh and I also didn't care about their intimate scenes. Because Naruto and Sasuke, once they get going, I think it would be like a bloody dam breaking off. It would start slowly, tentatively but then, it would burst out. And it would be unstoppable. I am talking years of repression here. Emotional and sexual. And more importantly, they trust each other all the way. I don't think tsunami would be able to stop them. It would be instinctive and natural, like everything else with them is. They might fumble and break stuff but more than anything else, it would be a desperate need to join together, to meld together, to finally be with each other as they were meant to be. They, who couldn't even touch without the pretext of a spar or a battle, if they finally allowed themselves to touch each other, it will be like a torrential force of emotions that would leave them scorched and they won't be satiated until their need to touch and reassure themselves, that it was finally happening, that they can finally touch each other, that they can HOLD each other, without feeling guilty or tabooed, that they can fuse their bodies with each other, to find not just emotional but physical reassurance, would come alive and transformed. They would run ragged. It would be passionate and tender and emotionally overwhelming, it would break barriers and boundaries, it would be a Godly experience for both. Like finally feeling at home. To be finally able to find that refuge in each other that only they could provide each other, in a world where no one else could even understand. It would be magnificent and insane and gentle and teasing and loving and sweet and painful and violent. All the damn shades. They aren't like you or me. They are different, because they are them. And no one can compare. But I can imagine.

#okay this went on as well #yall make me write too much lol #sns #ask #anon #sasunaru #narusasu #sasuke #naruto #uchiha sasuke #uzumaki naruto

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mutatiio · 3 months

Text

GET TO KNOW THE MUN.

respond to the prompts out of character!

what made you pick up the current muse(s) you have? i like the little weirdos. the problems of the story. villains that are more than just cartoonishly evil. the four that i currently have are a fun combination of the things i like. maul with his immense emotions that are squashed and forced down into neutral until he explodes. anakin where he's just a total mess. dryden where he's soooo calm, cool and collected (he's not). and bode who is excellent at appearing like something he isn't.

is there anything you don’t like to write? smut. highly technical bullshit (like battle attacks or vehicle details bc i know nothing). vader. boring 'this is your destiny so you MUST do it'. which is hilarious because i write anakin, but i find those plots uninspiring. i prefer beating 'destiny' and forging your own path.

is there anything you really enjoy writing? angst. some violence. reactions to the good and the bad. i like exploring relationships we see in canon and the stuff we can make up all on our own.

how do you come up with headcanons? they come to me in visions- nah, i just read the books and watch the movies (play the game) and connect the dots from there. there's a lot of unsaid stuff that's obvious and then there stuff that just suits.

do you write in silence or do you play music? either a mad scramble in silence, mid-walk with music blasting and inspiration strikes or relaxed lofi in the comfort of my room.

do you plan your replies or wing them? i plan them. they usually go through two or three drafts. i have a discord server where all the ideas go for replies. then they either get moved to a doc or to a tumblr post. i rarely wing them because when i do i'm usually not pleased with how they turns out.

do you enjoy shipping? yeah

what’s your alias/name? break

age? 25

birthday? november 10th

favorite color? black and red

favorite song? it changes. rn i'll say the well by the crane wives

last movie you watched? dune part two

last show you watched? ... shōgun, i think. or maybe the bad batch

last song you listened to? war of hearts by ruelle

favorite food? sushi

favorite season? spring

do you have a tumblr best friend? @rottingkiss, my husband for life. @ecopoison, my wife for life. @jeditrash, wonderful friend!! love writing with venus and plotting a slightly more kind ending to survivor. @mayxthexforce, the bestie with whom i chat all the shit with and have such amazing plots with. @alootus, the bestie padmé to my bestie anakin. @misfittcd, the qui-gon to my palpatine-

TAGGED BY: @mayxthexforce

TAGGING: anyone who hasn't been tagged and wants to do it??

#⸢ general ⤑ ooc ⸥ deploy the clown nose.

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justarandomhelluvablog · 9 months

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Some thoughts from the perspective of a writer; why Blitz and Fizz made up so fast.

Let's ignore the obvious fact that this show has some serious time constraints for now...

For one, their relationship isn't completely repaired. This is an olive branch, a new leaf. This is Fizz saying, "let's give our friendship another chance," now that he knows the fire was an accident and not malicious, and that Blitz has been suffering, too- and that they were lied to. (Seriously, why is every analysis I see brushing over this fact?? At the same moment they realized it was a misunderstanding, they realized they were both lied to and someone was keeping them apart.)

Secondly, the quick forgiveness was to highlight that Fizz would have forgiven Blitz fifteen years ago. These two have been literally one honest conversation from a reconciliation for fifteen years. Fizz' biggest problem was that he thought Blitz did it on purpose, out of jealousy- and that Blitz didn't care, that he abandoned him, not even visiting him in the hospital. Fizz waited for Blitz to visit, and Blitz never did- and that's the crux of the problem, Fizz not getting answers and seemingly being abandoned and nearly killed by his best friend (and possible first love). Yeah, the years that have passed helps, because Fizz' life is better and he's moved on and Blitz has found something he's good at, but Fizz was practically begging to know why Blitz never told him before, and why he didn't visit even once. Even after the fire, Fizz wanted to be with Blitz- but Blitz never showed up, and he went through his recovery alone, or at least without his best friend.

All Fizz ever wanted was answers, and to know that his best friend didn't intend to murder him and leave him that night.

The thing that solidified Fizz' choice to forgive Blitz and try their friendship again was when Blitz saved him- because Blitz didn't run away this time. And the unsaid I'll never leave again....

Now, another big thing about this conversation is- this highlights how little Fizz and Blitz know about what's going on. They've been lied to and separated, on purpose. It feels like the show doesn't want to spend a lot of time on their fight because they need them on the same side so they can unmask the actual big bad of the story, the one pulling all the strings behind their lives. (I swear if we got Cash Buckzo turning around one day and finding Blitz and Fizz standing there side by side with their arms crossed and eyes narrowed demanding answers, I'll be DELIGHTED.)

They've both been lied to, and it's implied Fizz never even learned about Tilla's fate, with Blitz saying "you have no idea what I lost in that fire," which would imply that someone was controlling what information was getting back to Fizz. And the implication that Fizz has never been allowed to go out on his own since then....

Anyway, the point is, the quick reconciliation is just a symptom of how badly these two always wanted each other in their lives and that they have, again, been one conversation from a reconciliation this whole time.... but because Blitz was told Fizz didn't want to see him, they never got a chance to.

And again, I think they need Fizz and Blitz (and by extension, Ozzie and Stolas) on the same side for the latter half of season two. Because underneath the "misunderstanding" there was a malicious party- and it wasn't Blitz.

Now call me a conspiracy theorist, but I find it very curious that there were fireworks under the table, and that Blitz did shove a guy- but did Blitz ever actually see the cake? The cake wasn't in Fizz' flashback, but it was in Blitz', but Blitz didn't see the cake fall, didn't see the curtains ignite. Call me reaching, but something about that seems sus. Especially since it's been established again and again that Blitz is an unreliable narrator.

Also as an aside, while Fizz and Ozzie were cute as fuck I don't like the "you're never leaving the palace again" and how sad Fizz looked, and how it feels like he's stuck somewhere between playing a character and being himself. He still feels at least somewhat performative, despite it being very obvious he's madly in love with Ozzie. I feel like Fizz is probably much softer than he lets on- that super soft and fond expression when he was talking to Blitz about Ozzie?? Anyway- They might be cute but can we please not treat this thirty-something year old man/imp/whatever like a child? Instead of confining him to the palace, get him into self defense classes, sheesh...

#helluva boss #spoilers #fizzarolli

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tkblythofficial · 4 months

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hello, tarot red here. this is what i saw on a reading i did about R+J (i did this reading 2 days ago)

i think their relationship is not in the best place right now. for what i see there are some problems or thoughts unsaid and this affecting their connection. they prefer to avoid these problems bc might be a little uncomfortable, but with time became very unbearable to handle them.

R seems to notice this but she seems to be quite passive about it with this i mean, she isn’t the type to face J and fight. something that surprised me seeing was that R is already mourning this relationship (so perhaps that’s why she wrote that song). she’s preparing herself, but also has hopes of them fixing whatever it’s going on. so i can see a rebirth or a new start for them bc honestly i don’t think the problems they have are that bad, just a lot miscommunication so it can definitely be fixed, but he needs to be more present. R loves this man, i won’t deny that and she loves him blindly. she won’t leave him bc she believes he’s her soulmate and she has already found the one. she hopes J will be more committed to their connection like she is and receive the same energy from him. i also see her being very talkative about her connection in social media, like making a statement that they’re okay to convince herself that they really are okay.

J well, his energy, mmm. i didn’t want to write this bc the energy i saw here and if R is reading this blog. J seems to be absent. i think he feels that they aren’t the same people they were when their connection started, they’re in different paths right now so they don’t see eye to eye. he finds hard to understand her and connect with her. he seems to be avoiding talking about this. i don’t see him leaving her either, he knows the benefits of being with her. he loves the attention her receives and loves that everyone knows who he’s dating. also he knows that dating her is a boost to his career, so he doesn’t want to lose opportunities and loves that she shows him off bc she is his trophy. chemistry wise (if you know what i’m taking about it) he’s very satisfied so he won’t leave her that easily. i think for now he has thought about what he can do about this disconnection between them, there are two very obvious options: to be free which means loosing opportunities or be with her just to feed his ego.

well, that’s all i saw. i’m doing more readings and i’ll send them later. also if some of you have more questions send them

It’s obvious to me they’re having issues. People who are happy don’t scream about happiness or being in love 24/7.

She’s trying to manifest happiness by talking it into existence but if she wanted to be happy with J, get off social media and actually talk to your bf. What is posting love stories going to do? He doesn’t care and isn’t going to profess his love back.

J definitely isn’t letting her go. Why would he? He gets to be nonchalant, offline, doing the bare minimum and she loves him anyways.

Send @Tarot Red questions!

#my answers #written in the stars

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skippyhawk · 6 months

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yes, I absolutely agree about Tim and Hawk's dynamic being kind of flipped in the 60s (and I think it's part of why it's my favorite episode so far). Even though Tim is in a sense dependent on Hawk because Hawk is giving him a place to hide while being on the run, he's the one who is guarded/with his walls up/pushing Hawk away (with good reason), and even though Hawk still can't verbalize his feelings (I cannot get the look on his face in response to "why do you care? about any of this?" OUT OF MY HEAD), to me he seems more emotionally open about his feelings for Tim in 1968 than we've ever seen him be thus far, and he's the one trying to reach out for Tim (emotionally *and* physically more than once) even if he doesn't know how to fix everything.

I also find Hawk's determination to fix everything for Tim and keep him out of jail to be fascinating given that we and Tim knew him as a fixer in the 1950s (which he acknowledged), and he wants so badly to fix this for Tim, and yet the episode ends with him watching with pain in his eyes as Tim turns himself in (and then, even more interestingly, using Tim's words from seminary to try and fix his relationship with Jackson by creating a moment of connection and comfort).

Thank you for indulging me with these asks, I love hearing your thoughts and if you don't mind my rambling I'll probably send more as we wait for the last 2 eps ahhh

it was definitely one of my favorites as demonstrated by that fever-induced unusually poetic defensive textpost i dropped straight after... i even had a brief discussion about it with some of my irls and my sister lmao

anyways yes, firstly on the dynamic flips. i do think there’s more to come on that. it seems like these shifting roles they seem to take on in each other’s lives (“carer”, savior, etcetc) will be a reoccurring theme post-50s.

secondly, to me a lot of hawk’s actions in the sixth episode seem slightly panicked (understatement of the century) because he’s truly trying to hold on to tim but it’s not working this time, which in turn literally has him agitated; he wants tim to stay. not only because the threat of prison is very real, especially to him and his wellbeing, but because he doesn’t want to let tim go again. despite this he, as per, hides behind his words and simultaneously leaves the most crucial things unsaid. i believe hawk’s a very “show, don’t tell” type of person. except he usually tends to avoid the showing part as well. (lol)

his franctic behavior seemingly begins with worrying about what might happen if tim does get sent to prison but it leaks through very quickly how he’s actually particularly shaken by tim’s resistance. in all honesty i think he’s been so used to having that certain control over him, most likely finding comfort in knowing that if he wants tim to stay, he will. there’s probably some primal freakout happening inside his head there lol. he does also seem visibly worried about how deep into his faith and denying himself tim has sunk again.

thirdly, i think hawk actually seems at his most vulnerable in the ’80s. i think the reality of tim being ill and possibility of him simply not being around anymore truly shook something deep inside him and spurred some kind of overgrown shrouded gears inside his head into action. to me it seems he’s having some pretty fucking heavy realizations but it’s also obvious after decades he’s finally prioritizing this huge part of himself and the truths, good and bad, that come with it. with finally letting himself just be you can tell how he’s immediately opening himself up more to tim too, sharing his thoughts instead of shoving them down, being there when it matters most. a perfect example of this is him walking into tim’s apartment and within minutes practically stating that actually, he’s not afraid of the disease– he’s afraid of losing him.

in my opinion hawk telling tim he’s “not sure of anything anymore” is truly a pivotal moment in his life. there’s a certain sense of beginning there. something has changed everything and nothing will be the same again.

it’s also why despite the bitterness, tragedy and supposed finality of it all ’80s tim and hawk are already so dear to me personally.

obviously i’m still positively petrified just imagining where they might go with the story next but i certainly hope you and obviously anyone else that’s willing will have thoughts to share or discussions to spark as the final episodes roll out...!

#fellow travelers #damn i just can’t stop talking about this show it’s actually crazy #actually brainrotting like badly #need to be sedated #ft ramble

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holdmecloser-gandydancer · 2 years

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7 (“Your smile makes me smile. No that’s cringe . . . your laugh makes me laugh- that’s even worse”) w blupjeans bc I love this song and also it's just such a Them vibe. thank u!! -ise

from this prompt list [still accepting, but i make no promises for speed lsdfkjsd]

“Toss me the tissues?” Lucretia asked as she held her hands up and readied herself to catch any wayward projectiles. Barry grimaced before chucking the box her way; he undershot it just a touch but the box landed squarely on Lucretia’s bed. “Okay, not bad!”

Barry busied himself with putting the popcorn within easy reach of the two of them. Lucretia tossed a small green pouch Barry’s way. “Green tea scented?”

“It’s good for stress! I’ve got a rosewater one over here if you prefer,” she offered, holding up a small red pouch.

He shook his head. “Nah, this one’s good. You just slather it on?”

Lucretia ripped open her pouch and nodded. “You do! It’s gonna feel gross on your hands but trust me, it’s a fun little luxury.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes, doing their best to not get the masks anywhere but their faces. They quickly realized that tissues weren’t exactly the best option to wipe the excess off with but it did the job well enough. Lucretia leaned over and snagged some popcorn for herself. Barry glanced over at her and snorted.

“What?” she asked, narrowing her eyes at him.

“Nothing, you just look silly.” Lucretia caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror over the dresser; her mask was a light pink and had actual bits of roses crushed up in it.

“Barry, I think the man with green clay smeared all over his face shouldn’t be the first one to throw stones,” she said lightly.

“Okay, you got me there.”

Another moment passed, the two of them snacked on popcorn all the while. “So, Taako and I have been talking,” Lucretia began.

“Oh no.”

“No, no, listen, Barry. You’ve gotta figure out this thing with Lup. Seriously. It’s getting unbearable for the rest of us at this point.”

“Luce, I thought this was just supposed to be a nice roommate night,” he sighed, frowning a little.

“It is! But having you hostage because you look silly is an added bonus,” she admitted. “It’s not just you. Lup’s being as impossible about this whole thing as you are.”

“I don’t really think there’s anything to be impossible about,” Barry defended. So what if he’d been mooning over Lup for an embarrassingly long time? Given the situation they were in, the absolute last thing he was willing to do was put whatever relationship he did have with Lup in jeopardy. Sure, there was a massive reward possible but the risk was far too substantial to make it worth it.

“Barry, come on. I know you’re scared. That’s fine. But you’re making yourself miserable. You love her, yeah?”

“I mean, I love the whole crew,” he sputtered, certainly turning cherry red under his mask.

Lucretia rolled her eyes dramatically. “Sure, dude, we all do but you don’t see me looking wistfully at Magnus or trailing Merle like a puppy, do you?”

“Like a puppy?” he asked, horrified. He knew he’d been more obvious than he cared to be but he surely thought he’d been doing a decent job at keeping his dignity.

Lucretia grimaced. “If it makes you feel any better, Lup’s been doing the same thing. So Barry, let’s try that again: you love Lup, right?”

Barry sighed and flopped back on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. He didn’t want to go on denying. Didn’t want to keep living with this massive empty space in his chest. If he perma-died tomorrow, he didn’t want to die with it unsaid. “Yeah. I do. I am embarrassingly, completely, unbearably in love with Lup.”

Lucretia squealed and clapped a little. “That’s a big first step, you know! Now, let’s help you figure out what to do about it.”

“Luce, no—”

“Nope, no takebacks! Lucky for you though, I can help. Please, please, Barry. You can write up a little note if you want so you don’t have to worry about like, soup brain coming in.”

“I dunno, isn’t that super childish?”

She shrugged. “Maybe. And I’m not saying this has to be it but it might be nice to get some words out.” She reached under her pillow and grabbed a worn journal with a pen stuck inside its pages. She brought her knees up to her chest and rested her journal on her makeshift desk. “Okay, what do you want to say to Lup?”

“Um. Gods. Okay uh…hmm. Okay, Lup: your smile makes me smile?” He ventured before sighing. “No, that’s cringe. Um…Your laugh makes me laugh—no that’s even worse. Shit.”

Lucretia looked over at him. “I think you’re overthinking this. What made you fall for her?”

“Everything,” he said immediately. “Like, we all know she’s hilarious and beautiful. Obviously. But she’s whip smart, catches mistakes in stuff I’m supposed to be an expert in. A-and she’s so kind. Um. Really early in the mission, like Cycle six or seven, was just hell. It was the one with the severe weather and the carnivorous plants and the really hostile government. It was getting to me. And one night when I thought everyone was asleep I was crying in the kitchen. Just bawling. Snot running, the whole shebang. And Lup came into the kitchen and I tried to make it look like I wasn’t crying because it was embarrassing. But she didn’t laugh. She sat next to me and we talked about it a little bit and it was like I was seeing her for the first time. Really seeing her. We weren’t colleagues then; we were peers. Friends, even.

“And I thought it would be this fleeting thing. But then the animal world cycle? Seeing her with the mongoose family? I was lost. And I’ve been lost for years. She makes me feel lost and found and seen and heard and like what I say actually matters. I’m hopelessly, endlessly in love with her. And I don’t know what do with all this love.”

Lucretia watched Barry, scribbling down a note without looking at the paper all the while. She paused for a moment, waiting to see if Barry would continue. When he didn’t, Lucretia carefully ripped the page out of her journal and tore the jagged edges off. She folded it carefully and set it beside the popcorn. “Give it to her. The love, that is. I’m serious. Like I said, Taako and I have been talking. You’re both being ridiculous and delaying the inevitable. Personally I think you should march down to her and Taako’s room right now but to each their own.”

Barry laughed at that and Lucretia was glad that some levity returned to the room. “Thanks, Luce. It’s still going to take time, I think. But thank you for listening. Even if this felt more like an interrogation.”

“What can I say, I’m learning a lot on this mission. And if you have anything, it’s time. Just don’t waste too much of it.” She smiled before grimacing a bit. “Ow okay, I think my face is all set up, let’s go wash these off.”

“Right behind you, I’m tired of looking like a mucus man.”

“Ew!”

#rip (reeses in pieces)#Anonymous #thanks ise!#reese writes #listen i love and hold tight to the idea of barry and luce being roommates and besties and her and taako being Fed Up sldfjs #blupjeans #technically #lup isn't actually here oops #barry bluejeans #lucretia #also I'd never heard this song before but it's a bop and also a blupjeans song so you're so right!

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lunarot · 7 months

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UNRELIABLE NARRATOR TIMEOUT FOR 20000000 YEARS

watched psme again w some friends and it got me thinking about how a lot of stories have polarizing characters + ones who might even be core to (not) enjoying the work but shions notable for these qualities being inseparable from the storytelling. which is awkward!!!

(manga spoilers + mentions of sexual assault under the cut)

theres the fact that their memories are flawed (incomplete and subjective, even before they were eroded by time) but shion consistently sees both himself and others in the most bad faith way possible. this i think is part of why he can act on his resentment the way he does (The worst way!!!! every time!!!!). when he approaches shusuran with the proposal that the two of them go down to earth the way he thinks to sweeten the pot is to add WE COULD PLAY GOD. he doesnt say they could end war with deterrence and never have to suffer the same loss they did back home, which are his actual dreams. he just appeals to base desires of control

rin spends most of the manga terrified of what shion built after he was left alone, thinking that itll destroy their peaceful life on earth. to this end he systematically ruins every relationship he has, even going as far as to try to kill innocent people despite his trauma around it. except in the end, shion chose love!!! but no one knows that, not even he himself.

and this is where things come apart, because to the rest of the moon gang the guy whose eternal soul theyve felt such responsibility for is 1. a scoundrel 2. a rapist.* which would be a remarkable act of forgiveness if it came from people he had more of a relationship with than "uncomfortable coworkers" and also, you know, were the victim. but mokuren never claims he did so and is instead hung up on her mark not having disappeared after they had sex, a sign that she can never shed her divinity and be loved like a human would.

the story doesnt make it obvious if shes shrinking back from a memory that was later invalidated by the presence of the mark, or if her protests were to the act itself. still, she Was unwell for days after the fact, and shion (who notably doesnt have intimacy issues or a problem with treating himself as evil) seems to confirm it as assault. and then they get closer. and the manga ends as a circular, cosmic love story reuniting the two.

If at the heart of that is assault, id rather throw the whole thing out. i cant take the ending as anything other than a refutation of it. but the fact that such an ambiguity exists makes this a difficult work to reccommend

*going unsaid here is, 3. a child. which is fair, but hard to lean on when rins name all but falls out of use for shions

8/21

#txt #unearthed this from my files and tbh i dont want it. here you go #NIKO DONT READ THIS I NEED YOUR UNBIASED OPINION LATER

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tiredassmage · 1 year

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Tyr x Mia Hawkins! (or, we sort of know how that one goes a little but I wanna hear more...)

The people have spoken! xD @captainderyn and @eorzeashan on the same page this fine evening. This is a good one, I love you both.

(send me a ship suggestion for one of my ocs and I'll give you my thoughts!)

The shorter end of this answer is that, yes, something could have come of this - and what does, by circumstance, is really only a whisper of the potential. It's a passing admiration, which I touch on in a relevant exploration of their parting on Tatooine in this fic (or the ao3 link, for those that prefer).

Mia's letter after letting her go really touches me, tbh.

And, of course, as game events go, all of those things remain unsaid. Nothing really comes of this except Mia having a minor crush for the two seconds she knows this nameless Imperial agent and Tyr wishes her the best of luck - genuinely. He'd never really admit it - one, because Kaliyo would never let him hear the end of it and, two, because it's not relevant given that they never see each other again (for the best, for her. It'd be risky to whatever life she establishes afterwards) - but it wouldn't have entirely been one-sided.

That said, doing something more with this is still kinda lurking in the back of my head.

I'd have to workshop the specifics more to get an actual premise, but one of my pending agent runs is to explore one of the possible editions of this which is Tyr recruiting her to Intelligence. Neither of them are exactly the perfectly loyal Imperial type at the end of the day, quite honestly, so I imagine she resisted the idea at first, but the alternatives were less certain and for sure less appealing because of it.

The other end of this is that Mia's the kind of person that could have convinced Tyr to run away. Maybe not after Chapter Two screws with his entire life and perception of everything ever, or maybe especially because of that. Like I said, the specifics are kind of nebulous still because I haven't seriously worked on the idea, but whether she's certain of it or not, she gets a very genuine look at Tyr beneath Nine, though he's not obvious about it.

There's an earnesty to her that Tyr can't help but be drawn to - and it's that very thing that makes him decide quite early on that she's not a threat, regardless of his initial orders. And he decides with quite a level of certainty that he's going to make sure she makes it through this. He might have chosen this life, chosen Intelligence, but he gets the impression that she's maybe a bit farther in over her head than she ever wanted out of this.

She has the opportunity to run. Tyr's not even considering it when they meet.

I don't... really know how it'd play out since the origin is still so nebulous, but I'd be inclined to think this would be a very slow, very gentle relationship. Sure, the physical crush and attraction may come early, but neither of them are really in a position to act on it - or even desire to, given all the uncertainties of the situation. But I think there's something to how easily and readily they look for the best in one another that could really lead them to something good - something that would give Tyr a reference point, a way to keep his head above water, so to speak, and something that reminds Mia of why this was all worth it, why she's trying and why she's still fighting for this shot at a quieter life.

She's one of the few that sees something other than just a Cipher, so she's one of the extreme few that has a shot at convincing him that there's something else to do with his skills, something more for him to be than this... lack created by giving everything to his work in Imperial Intelligence.

It's more likely to start as a partnership where Tyr teaches her what he knows from being a Cipher. He starts with the desire to help her, to make sure she can protect herself and Mia couldn't help but be surprised by the altruism of it, how he doesn't even question the boons (or lack thereof) of doing this.

I'm not sure if any potential relationship would last insofar as them being a Thing together, but, regardless of any romantic developments, I think they'd stay close friends, always watching each other's backs and there to catch each other when they stumble.

Of course, broadening that to the realm of other like-minded agents and whatnot, undoubtedly part of the reason he ends up with Theron, of all people, is because he feels so seen - in maybe... not what feels like a good way (Stars forbid we admit weakness and vulnerability to anyone, after all) initially, but in an ultimately validating way - with him. Theron's not above or below him, so Tyr isn't wearing a mask of the good soldier or responsible agent or the carefully masked mentor. Theron's an agent, too, just trying to get the job done despite onerous forces such as Saresh, lol.

I suppose we could make a sort of honorable mention to Sanju Pyne from Balmorra in this broad consideration, but Tyr and Sanju are never really more than acquaintances and coworkers. In a "pot calls kettle black" kind of way, Tyr sees Sanju as ultimately too idealistic for this line of work and grits his teeth trying to balance their shared ideals with an intolerance for unnecessary risk for the mission that ultimately just barely works out in their favor and gets them both out alive, if you asked for Tyr's honest assessment of the mission. Sanju's right to try to appeal to Tyr's ideals, sure, but attraction and anything deeper than a potentially already somewhat-jaded Cipher's advice to what Tyr perceives as a potentially less-experienced and maybe even younger operative don't factor into it. Intelligence work has a way of aging its operatives ksksfnlsdfa.

Chance might deserve an honorable mention as a potential friend, too, from Ardun's crew, but, in short, I think Mia's the only one of this streak that I recall a few more sparks flying with.

But it probably takes that kind to really get anywhere with Tyr. His relationships even inside of his crew sort of suffer from the whirlwind that is Chapters 2 & 3 from damaged trust and the need to maintain appearances, so Tyr needs someone that can meet him as something close to an equal for him to really feel any sense of comfort - someone that comes to him with less rigid expectations, otherwise he's liable to morph quickly to meet them.

Him and Lana, for example, would never have worked if any inclination ever existed - largely because he doesn't necessarily trust her until the Alliance is starting to take shape. That first impression and initial distrust (largely, granted, from what he experiences as Nine and not particularly anything of her own doing until Rishi) of meeting her as an agent reporting to a superior sets a lasting tone for their relationship going forward. She's someone he has to play a role with more often than not still (Cipher, Commander, what have you); her confidence in him and his ability to overcome adversity kind of unfortunately reinforces that in ways I think go largely unacknowledged from both ends because Tyr's nothing if not dedicated to the last atom of his being to his work and Lana's is something more akin to a tough love kind of encouragement.

Even his relationship with Shara, after all, is ultimately always kind of touched by what neither of them necessarily see at first as a power disparity in their ranks inside of Intelligence. Theirs wrenches my heart so hard because, on one hand, she knows him more intimately than most, and, on the other, they don't really know that much about each other at all in the end because they always leashed themselves because of their duties. For as close as they do get, it's still ultimately a distraction from their work. A mutually agreed to and enjoyable one, yes, that definitely has its intimacy, but always short of their true, unfiltered honesty.

They maintain its to protect one another, to make the fall easier when it comes.

#answered #ch: tyr #suggest a ship meme #mia hawkins #imperial agent

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