#but there's nothing i can do about it

[jamespottersdaisy]

i feel like my close friend and i are drifting apart and this is a different kind of heartbreak

#this is not very 'hold on to the memories they will hold on to you' of us #it feels like grief #but there's nothing i can do about it #i dont want to resent either #but it's just all too complicated #it's right in the core of my heart

[currently-getting-a-diagnosis]

Im currently trying to figure out how one asks their friends to be more supportive than they are knowing I can't provide the same support in return.

Can you be more patient and understanding with me knowing that I'd probably never be able to reciprocate it to the same extent that you've shown it to me? Is this something so wrong of me to want?

#thinking about stuff #i think this really ties in to me being aroace too #and being physically disabled #every relationship im in I know I'll take more than what i can give #and i hate knowing that im the one being a burden #but there's nothing i can do about it #autistic black girl #actually autistic #autism #being autistic #autism things #autistic problems #autizzy #autistic girl #autistic #undiagnosed autistic #black and autistic #black autism #black nd #black neurodivergent #jay's tism thoughts

[dandorkity]

I just made myself so happy by declaring out loud to no one that I'm not brushing my teeth tonight

#it's too bad that everything that's good for me is annoying and things that are bad for me are fun #but there's nothing I can do about it #so fuck my dental health I'm in BED already #text #bullshit

[soaked-doors]

nothing happened

…nothing at all

#one piece #zolu #roronoa zoro #monkey d. luffy #*visibly shaking* #subjecting my followers to torture everytime I finish a one piece arc #but don’t worry guys. nothing happened #I’ll wax poetic about this eventually but for now all I can do is draw zoros fruitless efforts at reassuring luffy he’s fine #one piece fanart #my art

[inkskinned]

the thing about art is that it was always supposed to be about us, about the human-ness of us, the impossible and beautiful reality that we (for centuries) have stood still, transfixed by music. that we can close our eyes and cry about the same book passage; the events of which aren't real and never happened. theatre in shakespeare's time was as real as it is now; we all laugh at the same cue (pursued by bear), separated hundreds of years apart.

three years ago my housemates were jamming outdoors, just messing around with their instruments, mostly just making noise. our neighbors - shy, cautious, a little sheepish - sat down and started playing. i don't really know how it happened; i was somehow in charge of dancing, barefoot and laughing - but i looked up, and our yard was full of people. kids stacked on the shoulders of parents. old couples holding hands. someone had brought sidewalk chalk; our front walk became a riot of color. someone ran in with a flute and played the most astounding solo i've ever heard in my life, upright and wiggling, skipping as she did so. she only paused because the violin player was kicking his heels up and she was laughing too hard to continue.

two weeks ago my friend and i met in the basement of her apartment complex so she could work out a piece of choreography. we have a language barrier - i'm not as good at ASL as i'd like to be (i'm still learning!) so we communicate mostly through the notes app and this strange secret language of dancers - we have the same movement vocabulary. the two of us cracking jokes at each other, giggling. there were kids in the basement too, who had been playing soccer until we took up the far corner of the room. one by one they made their slow way over like feral cats - they laid down, belly-flat against the floor, just watching. my friend and i were not in tutus - we were in slouchy shirts and leggings and socks. nothing fancy. but when i asked the kids would you like to dance too? they were immediately on their feet and spinning. i love when people dance with abandon, the wild and leggy fervor of childhood. i think it is gorgeous.

their adults showed up eventually, and a few of them said hey, let's not bother the nice ladies. but they weren't bothering us, they were just having fun - so. a few of the adults started dancing awkwardly along, and then most of the adults. someone brought down a better sound system. someone opened a watermelon and started handing out slices. it was 8 PM on a tuesday and nothing about that day was particularly special; we might as well party.

one time i hosted a free "paint along party" and about 20 adults worked quietly while i taught them how to paint nessie. one time i taught community dance classes and so many people showed up we had to move the whole thing outside. we used chairs and coatracks to balance. one time i showed up to a random band playing in a random location, and the whole thing got packed so quickly we had to open every door and window in the place.

i don't think i can tell you how much people want to be making art and engaging with art. they want to, desperately. so many people would be stunning artists, but they are lied to and told from a very young age that art only matters if it is planned, purposeful, beautiful. that if you have an idea, you need to be able to express it perfectly. this is not true. you don't get only 1 chance to communicate. you can spend a lifetime trying to display exactly 1 thing you can never quite language. you can just express the "!!??!!!"-ing-ness of being alive; that is something none of us really have a full grasp on creating. and even when we can't make what we want - god, it feels fucking good to try. and even just enjoying other artists - art inherently rewards the act of participating.

i wasn't raised wealthy. whenever i make a post about art, someone inevitably says something along the lines of well some of us aren't that lucky. i am not lucky; i am dedicated. i have a chronic condition, my hands are constantly in pain. i am not neurotypical, nor was i raised safe. i worked 5-7 jobs while some of these memories happened. i chose art because it mattered to me more than anything on this fucking planet - i would work 80 hours a week just so i could afford to write in 3 of them.

and i am still telling you - if you are called to make art, you are called to the part of you that is human. you do not have to be good at it. you do not have to have enormous amounts of privilege. you can just... give yourself permission. you can just say i'm going to make something now and then - go out and make it. raquel it won't be good though that is okay, i don't make good things every time either. besides. who decides what good even is?

you weren't called to make something because you wanted it to be good, you were called to make something because it is a basic instinct. you were taught to judge its worth and over-value perfection. you are doing something impossible. a god's ability: from nothing springs creation.

a few months ago i found a piece of sidewalk chalk and started drawing. within an hour i had somehow collected a small classroom of young children. their adults often brought their own chalk. i looked up and about fifteen families had joined me from around the block. we drew scrangly unicorns and messed up flowers and one girl asked me to draw charizard. i am not good at drawing. i basically drew an orb with wings. you would have thought i drew her the mona lisa. she dragged her mother over and pointed and said look! look what she drew for me and, in the moment, i admit i flinched (sorry, i don't -). but the mother just grinned at me. he's beautiful. and then she sat down and started drawing.

someone took a picture of it. it was in the local newspaper. the summary underneath said joyful and spontaneous artwork from local artists springs up in public gallery. in the picture, a little girl covered in chalk dust has her head thrown back, delighted. laughing.

#writeblr #warm up #this is longer than i wanted i really considered removing that part about myself and what i went thru #but i think it really fucking bothers me that EVERY time i talk about being an artist #ppl assume i just like. had the skill and ability to drop everything and pay for grad school. #like sir i grew up poor. my house wasn't a safe space. i gave up a FREE RIDE TO LAW SCHOOL. for THIS. bc i chose it. #was it fucking hard? was i choosing the hard thing?? yes. #but we need to stop seeing artists as lazy layabouts that can ''afford'' to just ''sit around and create'' #when MANY - if not MOST - of us are NOT like that. we have to work our fucking ASSES off. hard work. long and hard work #part of valuing artists is recognizing the amount we sacrifice to make our art. bc it doesn't just #like HAPPEN to us. also btw it rarely has anything to do with true talent. #speaking as someone with a chronic condition i hate when ppl are like u have it easy. like actively as i'm writing this my hands r #ACTIVELY hurting me. i haven't been posting bc my left hand was curled in a claw for the last week #this isn't fucking luck. after a certain point it's not even TALENT. it's dedication & sacrifice. #''u get to flounce around and do nothing with ur life'' is a narrative that is a direct result of capitalism #imagine if we said that about literally any other profession. #''oh so u give up 10 yrs of ur life to be a doctor? u sacrifice having a social life and u get SUPER in debt? #u need to work countless hours and it will often be thankless? well i wish i was that lucky'' #we should be applying that logic to landlords ONLY #''oh ur mom and dad gave u the money to buy a house? and all u did was paint it white and rent it? huh.''

[starfilledsea]

trying to describe black sails to people is my personal sisyphean task. “it’s a pirate show” bad. “it’s functionally a prequel to treasure island but also it’s not at all” bad again, and also confusing. “it’s about pirates trying to destroy western civilization” mostly only true of the second half of the show and also doesn’t fully capture what i love about it. “it’s a pirate show about the power of stories, how civilization uses shame to keep people in line and turns them into monsters, and the power of queer rage. it’s got some of the best acting, writing, everything of any show i’ve ever seen.” the most accurate, but way too long and makes me sound pretentious and insane. send help i just want to talk about my favorite show.

#black sails #i usually just got for ‘it’s functionally a prequel to treasure island’ but that says nothing about it. i tried to give my coworker the las #one yesterday but i do think i just sounded unhinged lmao #does anyone have a way that works i’d love to hear it so i can stop living like this

[to-magic]

Do you ever remember an unfinished and abandoned fic from years ago which touched you so deeply that it still sometimes resurfaces and lingers in your mind?

And you're just like, dear unknown author, i hope you are doing well, wherever you are. It wasn't finished but i loved it, thank you for your words.

#fanfiction #fandom things #fanfic authors i am kissing you on the lips #(i wrote this about jonathan creek fanfic and there's nothing you can do about it)

[aesthetic-uni]

Miles “Who’s Morales” vs Gwen “Gwwwwanda” vs Pavtir “You seem like a nice young woman I do not know” FIGHT

#uni talks about the universe #spiderverse #across the spiderverse #across the spider verse spoilers #miles morales #gwen stacy #pavtir prabhakar #the spider kids DO NOT know how to lie #Jess: You know we can just teach them how to lie #Miguel: sorry no this is a canon event #Peter B: For once I agree every kid must suffer through this stage #Hobie seems like he’s immune to this #but he slipped up once and no one has ever been able to figure out what happened #there’s wild rumors going around that he will never confirm nor deny #side note Margo and Peni are also apart of the spider kids #this has nothing to do with the post I just see people leaving them out so I’m making this formal announcement to my two followers #originally I put how pav’s hair was giving him away but the scene with saving his girlfriend felt more accurate yknow?

[lazylittledragon]

i refuse to believe that boycotting is hard. my favourite thing in the world is ordering maccies after a late night at work/a concert/getting drunk. yes i do miss it sometimes. but the other night i ordered from a small place near my house instead and it was the most orgasmic burger i've ever had in my life. i very rarely say this but fucking suck it up people are DEAD

#ramble #also only 0.29 delivery instead of 3.99 #and chilli cheese bites #i swear to god the best food you'll ever eat while drunk is from the tiny shithole that's open until 4am #if you're refusing to do literally the smallest thing you can do to help then i have questions #it's FOOD. you'll survive #it's not even NECESSARY food #if it was like a chain grocery place and you don't have access to anything else then i would understand #but it's just NOT #make your own coffee for the love of god #when there is NOTHING you can do to stop this fucking tragedy. and let's be honest there isn't a lot normal people can do #and people say to you 'do this insignificant thing just to show that you even CARE' #and you DON'T do that???? what is actually wrong with you #also i've been worried about this since my last post about sbucks but this is Not an attack on the people who WORK at the boycotted places #because it is an absolute privilege to be able to leave your job and immediately find a new one

[chaos-bringer-13]

I've seen a lot of people writing Danny as a space ancient and Dan and Dani as ghosts with moon and sun cores, being sort of parts, versions of Danny and therefore weaker. Now, consider: Dan and Dani are both powerful ghosts with really cool cores and stuff but Danny is just some guy™

Dan, who came from an alternate timeline and is kind of from the future but also not, is Clockwork's apprentice and will eventually become an ancient of time. He probably only agreed to have some lessons with Clockwork to understand better what happened to him, but he enjoys his apprenticeship now.

Dani, with her love of travelling, loves seeing all the different places the world offers to her, and that includes space and different planets and maybe even parallel universes, and she accidentally ends up being an apprentice of the space ancient. For now she's probably a baby ancient of freedom or something like that, but she might become an ancient of space in the future.

We can also have something like Dan having a core of destruction or Dani being the Speed Force if you want it to be dcxdp, or any headcanon of yours about their cool powers.

And then there's Danny. And yeah, everyone knows that he's super powerful, but also he's just some guy.

It can go different routes. Does everyone know that Danny is just Danny? Or do they think that with siblings (well, technically a clone and an alternate version, but whatever) so powerful, he must be even stronger? Is Danny actually something terrifyingly eldritch and ancient and strong, almost a god, but he just doesn't know himself? Or is he just really some guy?

Now, because it's obvious that I have a dcxdp brainrot, have a regular "JL summons/meets a powerful ghost" but its Dan and Dani, and they keep mentioning their original/brother who won a fight against them at some point. The JL is very concerned about Dan and Dani's godlike powers, and they can't imagine what Danny is like. And then they meet him (in his human form), and it's just a young adult in casual clothes, very friendly and helpful, with no evident powers. Imagine the confusion. Imagine Dan and Dani, radiating power, in their eldritch ghost forms, admitting that fighting Danny for real is the dumbest thing to do and not even they would succeed... And then there's Danny is jeans and silly t-shirt, waving shyly.

#DO YOU SEE MY VISION #please #I'm not getting enough sleep #my brain is obsessed with weird stuff #I want Sam who barely looks human because she's one with nature #I want Tucker who looks regal and dangerous in his pharaoh clothes #I want Dan look like he can destruct the Earth with a wave of his hand #I want Dani who is everything there is in the world and you feel it in your bones #I want Jazz who sees your soul and your mind and you know it and there's nowhere to run #I want JL to meet all of them before meeting Danny #I want all of them to admit in their different ways that Danny is the greatest of them #I want JL to be VERY worried about meeting Danny #and then I want Danny to be as normal and friendly as possible #and I want him to treat all those eldritch creatures (his family and friends) as they're regular humans and nothing is weird about them #just hugs and love and praises #because it would cause so much confusion #this is NOT ghost king Danny #unless it is but he doesn't know (and either no one knows or no one told him because it's funnier this way and he's super oblivious) #dpxdc #dcxdp #dp x dc #dc x dp #DPxDC #DCxDP #danny phantom #isn't a crossover if you don't want it to be #could be any crossover if you do want it to be

[polarsirens]

I think it’s time we blow this scene get everybody and the stuff together, okay, 3, 2, 1, let’s jam

#dimension 20 #mentopolis #but cowboy bebop-style! #fanart #my art #hunch curio #imelda pulse #anastasia tension #daniel fucks #conrad shintz #justin fication #the fix #look this has nothing to do with 20s or inside out or noir probably but all i can think about while watching mentopolis #was tank! just! making the opening video in my head #anyway this was a fun way to practice &copy a different style

[aswingaway]

I was mesmerized by you

Your perfume, your hair, your black dress, your flair

I burned a hole through you with my stare

Even though your husband was standing right there

I was mesmerized by your smile carrying years of maturity

That I cannot fathom, nestling a child like ferocity

I was fascinated by the cigarette in your hand

Could I bargain at least one dance?

I dreamt of how your kisses would feel

And that your husband must touch heaven

With every whisper that passes through those lips

And I'd never piss you off like he did

I watched as you swayed

Your grey hair bouncing lightly

I watched your eyes that made

Contact with mine ever so slightly

You are beautiful. I hope he tells you that enough.

You are beautiful. Your nature is enough.

And I was mesmerized.

Til' I heard of your children

Three beautiful women

With energetic personalities

The youngest of which was older than me.

#god fucking dammit #she's so beautiful #but there's nothing i can do about it #poetry

[yaolmao]

simp

#I HATE COLORING I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE #my friends bought me an Apple Pencil and omgggg I’ve never had pressure before in my life #this changes everything #I can actually put my hand down on my iPad to doodle?? #I’ve gotten so used to hovering my hand like what is going on #anyways 15!chuuya is actually amazing #I’ve made a recent discovery that I’m a lot similar to Dazai than I thought and idk how I feel about that cause he’s such a brat #ive gotten to the point that I’d actually talk to him on those character ai’s and it’s actually so embarrassing like it’s nothing #like the actual bsd dazai but I’d actually rather talk to a robot than a real person about my problems #I like kids being kids so I’m always down to draw 15!skk #chuuya nakahara #dazai Osamu #bsd #bungou stray dogs #skk #soukoku #myart #I’m gonna post and pass out now

[fiddler-sticks]

Well, there's a 75% chance I won't be on in a few hours :((

#parents are turning off the wifi when they go to bed #and i'm fucking mad about it #but there's nothing i can do about it #i'm either gonna hope that they forget and leave it on #or hope that the church's wifi reaches our house still #i could get it from the corner of the kitchen table a year ago #but idk if i still can #berry's babble

[autisticrosewilson]

While we're on the topic of De-aging AU's I wanna talk about Jason and Damian if Jason was 14 again real quick.

Do you guys think that Damian looks at this version of Jason, so different from the version he knows, nothing like the person he was told Jason was, and feels uncomfortably seen?

Damian was always told that Jason died because he was reckless, because he disobeyed orders, he was fired as Robin and he got himself killed. A cautionary tale, not a threat to his position. He dismisses Jason because Bruce does, because Dick does, because sometimes even Babs and Alfred do.

That's not the kid that he's looking at now. This Jason is happy, and smart, and full of love that has not yet soured into grief. He hangs on Bruce's every word, trains until his hands bleed and his body gives out to perfect the moves Bruce teaches him. He looks at Bruce with stars in his eyes and he calls him dad.

And Damian can't help but think, that this is the perfect Robin. The perfect son. And if Jason - sweet, loving, strong, Jason - can be fired, can die and have his room locked away and his pictures torn down, can have his last memory as Robin be as A Good Soldier, how could the rest of them ever compete? What could Damian do to stand a chance?

Jason will never grow out of the shadow of Robin, like the rest of them did. As long as Bruce, and Dick, and Babs, and Alfred look at him and see a dead kid who came back wrong, he will never get to be anything else. He will not get to be looked at through who he is now without the shadow of a dead boy looming over him.

And the worst part? Jason is exactly the same person he was back then. Bitter, sure, angry, justifiably, but he is still the boy with too much love in his heart and righteous fury festering in his gut. He is exactly the same boy who threw himself in front of an explosion to save his mother.

(The lines between the mother that betrayed him and the father that disgraced him are so very blurred. Fire or blade or crowbars or fists it does not matter. It ends the same way it always does because Jason Todd always dies, in every universe, in every timeline, Jason dies and crawls out only to be killed again and again and again.)

#dc #jason todd #damian wayne #de aging #I personally am obsessed with the headcanon that they met in the league which lends it's own sense of tragedy #but this is a more canon take on it #Bruce Wayne critical #do you guys think he watched Jason fall back into old routines and is so unbelievably angry because none of it matters #do you think he listens to Jason talk about homework and his grades and his clubs and the colleges he wants to go to #and all he can think of is how unfair it is #that Jason never gets it. That everything about who he was got distorted and exaggerated and there was nothing left of this boy #that the love and blood and late nights never mean anything because this is a ghost walking the halls disproving all the legends #what is the prodigal son to do when he comes home but the locks have changed

[gardenianoire]

had a dream I got a haircut

heart burn is really painful today btw

#but there's nothing i can do about it