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bombdiggity666 · 2 months

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Here Comes Judgement Day Pt.3

A few years ago, I attempted to draw a fan comic to resolve the ambiguous ending of the MTMTE/LL Comic series. I managed to complete one panel, but lost the other three when my computer crashed.

Now, after some time has passed, I feel encouraged to try again. This time, I've written a multi-part story to better guide my comic.

It's worth noting that when I began this project, I was feeling edgy, so it's all based on the song posted below

A Summary:

Megatron faces his impending execution in Garrus 9. As he reflects on his fate, Ultra Magnus grapples with his role as a witness. Through introspection and discussions with Rodimus, Ultra Magnus ultimately decides to attend the execution as Minimus Ambus, embracing his true self and honouring Megatron's last request. Tensions mount as the time draws near, with Rodimus struggling to cope as Megatron's death approaches. WARNING: Major Character Death

"Debts Are Due, It's Time to Pay"

The camera drones felt as if they were venting down his intake. The hovering hum of the drones buzzing around his restrained helm made him dizzy. He tried to focus on the window of the witness viewing room, attempting to see past his own reflection. Council bots and their alien allies had begun to file in once the bells sounded. Their expressions were professionally neutral. Amidst the sea of blue optics, he sensed their excitement at seeing him in this state, well-contained. He looked further, scanning the lower portion of the room for pinpricks of red other than his own, searching for Minimus.

Legally, Ultra Magnus would have the right to attend as a live witness, being his legal representative throughout the trial and sentencing. He had heard rumors that the council had honored this law from the unprofessional murmuring of guards while he awaited execution in his cell. Though it would be a comfort to see Ultra Magnus, Megatron hoped for Minimus Ambus to step up to the glass for a solemn goodbye.

He knew he was punching above his weight in his final request to Minimus. The fact that he had Magnus’s legal representation at all was an undeserved blessing, and he should have left it at that. However, his passing would feel incomplete if he died knowing his friend continued to live hiding behind that blasted mask of Tyrest.

‘Friend,’ he thought, settling his helm back against the berth, pointedly avoiding looking directly into the cameras. He didn’t have many friends left. Never really had many in the first place, not one overly fond of attachments, and it shows with 99.99% of the known galaxy celebrating behind those cameras. He was aware of at least one mech in mourning and he sincerely hoped Rodimus wasn’t watching the live feed. In truth, it was the most prominent reason he avoided looking at the drones. Drift wouldn’t let him, he hoped, but deep down he knew not even he, with all his strength and intimidation, could force Rodimus from doing what Rodimus wanted to do.

He never intended to get the young captain attached; he didn’t think he could. With all that kid's brash ignorance and selfishness, deliberately endangering the crew for the ‘wow’ factor had Megatron certain his processor would implode before he ever respected that bot as an equal. But now, Megatron held Rodimus in higher regard than any Cybertronian alive. ‘The approval from the universe's most hated mech likely wouldn’t get Rodimus far,’ he thought, ‘But it certainly meant a lot too Rodimus’. He wanted to smirk but not in front of his audience, so he keep his emotions in check; the universe could see the slightest change of his spark pulse.

A galactic council orator had moved into view, preparing for his speech to address the witnesses and multitude of gathered drones. He didn’t see Magnus in the stands. He was entering his last kliks now and was struggling to suppress his growing desperation. Evac’s demeanor had become cold and calculating once the cameras began to transmit, removing her comforting servo from his chassis and keeping her optics glued to the medical monitor. He understood her nonpartisan shift, taking no offense to it; she obviously had a reputation to protect. Still, he felt as though he should acknowledge her kindness, before he missed his chance.

“Evac…” his lips barely moving, attempting to be subtle so viewers wouldn’t know he was addressing her. He knew it would be missed with attention on the speaker of the Council. She didn’t respond with words or a touch, but he knew she would be listening. “…Thank you,” he whispered.

As he expected, it was followed by silence. After a moment, he could hear her shuffle slightly, moving from her seated position behind him. Her peds touched the floor and she rounded the corner on his left side, grabbing his wrist and jostling the cable as she began to uncoil it. Her other servo slipped subtly into his. It surprised Megatron, but he kept his optics forward.

"*You are welcome,*" she responded through chirolinguistics. "* I am under oath and cannot remain as a witness. This will be the last time you will see me.*"

Her servo slipped from his quickly as she finished unspooling the wire, handing the loose end off to another bot hidden in the corner. Turning, the medi-bot nodded curtly before making her swift exit. He was alone now, and very aware of the menacing presence lumbering in his neural net. The jack burned his circuits with every movement. Thankfully, there was enough remnants of sedation to take the edge off. But not enough sedation to block out the isolation. His optics drifted back to focus on the window, slowly coming to terms with the fact that Magnus – Minimus- would not be coming. He didn’t feel a sense of betrayal as he thought he might, he only felt cold nothingness and a reminder that no one owed him anything.

“Today we stand together as witnesses of a justice long anticipated by billions. Together, Cybertronians, colony worlds and allies of the galactic council shall close the book on the darkest stain of our past and move towards a brighter future.”

Megatron rolled his optics. They should have let him write his own send-off, lest it actually be memorable.

---

“-our past and move towards a brighter future.” The voice of the orator was muffled behind the metal door. Minimus all but hurled himself at it, not caring for the potential interruption it may have caused. He was showing up five kliks late to the most significant event of modern Cybertronian history, and he was showing up naked and bloodied. Reputation be damned to the pits. The door spilled open faster than he had anticipated, stumbling messily into the crowded room of towering mechs, who turned in unison to stare. Bewildered. There was a quick, confused pause from the orator, but with practiced professionalism, he continued with his pretentious sermon.

The confused stares continued as his identity was clearly being questioned. Cowering slightly at the foreign feeling of being looked down upon, he almost felt the need to explain himself.

Almost.

His timid blemished faceplates hardened with resolve, and with a venting huff of vigor, Minimus stood to his full height, marching forward. No one needed to know who he was, the door opened for him, that would be enough. Let the council mechs piece it together in their own time.

“Pardon” He pushed between the legs and drapes of bots who didn’t step out of his way, and he did so without apology, determined to make it to the front.

“Megatron of Tarn, founder of the Decepticon movement, terrorist instigator of the manual class uprising, Warlord of the Cybertronian civil conflict, and genocidal tyrant responsible for the deaths of trillions: cybernetic and organic…”

Minimus could see the window through a forest of legs and armor plating. Panicking, he began to run with helm low and arms bracing, dozing and squeezing his way desperately past bots now. He managed to push through into the front row, stumbling out of the frontlines and jumping up to the window like a sparkling, he pull himself into view. 'I’m here!' he reassured in his head. 'I’m—' He locked optics on Megatron through the window, and his determined expression dropped in an instant as his spark’s adrenaline was replaced with dread.

Time slowed with shock as his optics wandered over Megatron, frame bound and exposed in such vulnerability it made his bruised tank churn in sympathy. Megatron was a mech who let few near him, let alone witness a hint of weakness. The dim lighting of the chamber emphasized his open spark chamber, pectoralis plating removed and casing pried open with what Minimus could only assume were override codes. The low pulsing hum of medical monitors displaying Megatron’s vitals echoed ominously. It was ironic in a way, the mech who broke away from his chains now gets to die in them. Minimus’s spark felt heavy in his chest in solidarity. He hoped Rodimus wasn’t seeing this, it would be too much.

Megatron’s spark was sea-green, like his own, and it pulsed at a steady practiced pace, displaying a disturbing lack of anxiousness for a mech on their deathbed. Megatron was a bravery bot, detrimentally so, but Minimus could tell this was a sedated calmness. The Ex-warlord could hold his composure in intense situations, but never in vulnerable ones. He dragged his optics back to Megatron’s face. He was smiling brightly. Stupidly so, dentae exposed and all. His optics burning with reassurance and deep gratitude. It was contagious, Minimus’s own lips pulled up at the corners but his optics failed to follow suit. How dare he make Megatron comfort him right now.

Time resumed abruptly, and the drone of the speech was only a distant noise in the background.

"—For the atrocities committed under your reign of terror, you have been sentenced to death by the Council and people of Cybertron."

---

A disturbance in the witness chamber pulled Megatron back into focus. The slight pause of the oration grabbed his attention as light quickly flashed throughout the room. A door opening? Someone arrived? A ping of hope, he heard his vital monitors speed up slightly. All the bots looked towards the interruption, looking down. He held in a vent as his audience began to shuffle around, some in slight annoyance as they were seemingly pushed aside by a an unseen figure.

Then suddenly, an all too familiar face burst into in the bottom corner of the viewing window. Red optics pierced sharply, unmistakable green face plating contrasted ocean of blue optic tri-colored mecha surrounding him. His little, comical mustache scrunched at the effort of holding himself in view. Megatron couldn’t control his relief, loosing composure as an uncharacteristic smile split out across worn faceplates.

Minimus Ambus.

They locked optics. Despite his deactivated systems and corrupted senses, Megatron could physically feel Minimus’s shocked horror at the sight. It was not an expression he cared for. ‘It’s okay, Minimus,’ he attempted to project some semblance of soothing reassurance through his stare. But it wasn’t a talent he excelled at. Despite the barriers, it seemed to be communicated. Tension eased slightly from Minimus’s frame as a gentle smile broke out on his lips, optics poorly masking his restrained turmoil. With his optics, Megatron pressed, ‘Don’t mourn for me,’ his smile relaxing to mimic Minimus’s gentle grin. ‘I deserve much, much worse.’

The harsh words of the orator sentencing him to death brought Megatron back to reality. Perhaps smiling through the listing of his charges wasn’t conducive to the image of the ‘changed mech’ he supposedly was, but frag it, it changed nothing now. He would much rather see Minimus smile than save face for the cameras. The cameras…Rodimus.

Megatron shifted his gaze to locate a media drone, twisting his helm to look directly into its lens. Though he hoped Rodimus wasn’t invested in the livestream, he knew better. With a light smirk and a reassuring nod, he saluted to his co-captain—No, his captain. It was an incomplete salute with servos restrained, but he hoped it was the acknowledgment Rodimus needed. A thank you to his friend, as only Primus knows the immense amount of patience and forgiveness Rodimus displayed during their adventures.

“…the appalling nature of your crimes would otherwise revoke the right for last words, lest you use them in martyrdom…” the orator was addressing Megatron directly now, his voice dripping with dramatic menace. “However, with the role you played in the Luna 1 crisis, the orator of your defense swayed the council to generously grant you final words, a privilege which shall be revoked instantly if inappropriate conduct is observed.”

Megatron turned to face the live witnesses. He did not have a planned statement prepared, didn’t think he would need one. He was honestly surprised he was still alive at all. These bots who stood before him wouldn’t care for anything he would have to say, and an apology now would be hollow and meaningless. Why waste his words on a universe no longer listening, only watching, anticipating the next phase? He looked to Minimus. The small bot was still standing in the front row, balancing on the tips of his peds, desperately listening. One of the few bots still listening. One of the only bots left who appreciated his articulate words. He recalled warmly a moment they shared on the Lost Light, during their final toast. He knew exactly what he wanted to say.

“You flare, you flicker, you fade…” He began, voice gentle and laden with finality. He wasn’t addressing the masses. No, this was a personal conversation.

Tears welled up in Minimus’s optics, yet he kept his smile firm as he began to mouth the words alongside Megatron, placing a small servo on the screen of the viewing window and resting his chin on the sill. “Till all your tomorrows become yesterdays…” Megatron’s optics were unwavering, though he did catch the movement in the corner of the room. An unknown medical bot stepped into view, working on the monitor he was connected to. A command code shot past his corrupted firewall, startling him with a hitch of his vents. Suddenly exhausted, he realized he was going into stasis. He wasn’t finished yet!

“Do not yield to broken ways,…” He jolted, shaking his helm, fighting. "That seek to bind us, keep us slaves…"

Minimus’s eyes widened. It was another poem, one famously chanted throughout the streets of all major cities prior to the Deception insurrection. A verse shared by many, which became famously intertwined in both ideologies as the war developed. It was released anonymously, originating from the underground fighting pits of Kaon. Or at least it was thought. It seems that Megatron published anonymous works in several lower caste languages and cities to throw the senate off his scent.

“Till battles are won, till tyrants fall-“ His optics were going offline; he couldn’t control them any longer, but he kept them focused on Minimus as they faded, green faceplates blurring, grey waning in the peripheral. He could feel his intake slowing, slurring. He wasn’t finished yet! The monitor behind his helm hummed slower and slower as his processor slowed. Thoughts were slowing, staggering. He held on desperately to the words he needed to say.

Minimus grew ever more uncomfortable watching him struggle, but he held fast. He made a promise to not look away until the very end. It was the only comfort he could give. He leaned in closer to the screen, helm touching the glass.

A medic could not administer the kill code. The medibot stepped away from the panel, nodding to a blacked figure to take control. This figure, blurred in Megatron’s peripheral, stepped up quickly. A satisfied smile painted their white faceplates, and the contrast was such that Megatron, with stunning clarity, identified his executioner, even with rapidly fading optics.

Prowl.

He was glad it was Prowl. Megatron knows his death will leave a void in the enforcer. He’ll cope by calling it a sense of satisfaction. A sense of closure. But he will feel nothing. Killing always did that, made you struggle for solace.

“Till…All…” He vented hard to get the words out, fans beginning to stall and hydraulics hissing as they decompressed. He lost his visual feed fully, fighting to keep his helm up and facing Minimus.

“Are-“ His voice was a wheeze of static now, losing all of its bite and intensity as his vocalizer began to seize.

“May the well of sparks be merciful.” Prowl growled mockingly. Impatient as always, he hit the kill button, eyes seething and searing as he attempted to steal Megatron’s lasts word. The medic stepped forward, furiously grabbing his wrist and pulling it back, but it was too late. The code had been sent.

Megatron, as far gone as he was into a stasis shutdown, felt it instantly. The medical port searing on his left wrist caused him to recoil, weakly baring his dentae and interrupting his thought. The malicious code harbored in his subsystems exploded outwards, infecting and forcing the shutdown of the remainder of his systems. His helm fell back to the berth in a breathless gasp. The code burned through his neural network; he could hear the whirling whine down of his systems stalling, vitals failing, fuel pump halting, motor relays shot. The Spark monitor was beeping and droning in concern behind his helm. The sound was moving further and further away; distant now. The code was moving to his spark, and that would be it. He had one more word left, one more word. With all the strength and determined stubbornness he could draw on, for all his worth, he fought, he fought harder than he ever did in the mines, the pits, the war. He had always been fighting for his words, fighting by his words, now, He fought with everything for his last word. For Optimus, for Rodimus, and especially for Minimus…

“…One…” he whispered nearly voicelessly. The code reached his spark, and he let go instantly, ready to rest. Everything went dark. Thoughts. Feelings. Conscious. Quick. Painless…Peaceful.

------

The surface of Cybertron was ablaze with thunderous noise and celebration. The magnitude of jumping and prancing in the streets of the great cities shook buildings. Chants, songs, cheers, and whistling filled the air to the near limit of Cybertronian aerospace, registering on satellites and moons. Light shows of fireworks and aerial acrobatics encouraged the excitement and festivities to continue, but not much encouragement was needed. The oil house was no exception, with the cheering so loud and consuming it caused the optical feed to fizzle with the frequency and intensity.

Megatron’s slack faceplates haunted Ratchet more than he cared to admit. He said he wasn’t going to watch, but it was difficult, given the circumstances. It was a clean clinical kill, he rationalized, definitely more than that slag bastard deserved. However, it certainly made it no easier to watch. The monitors continued to display Megatron’s cooled frame like a trophy, and it disappointed the Autobot in the old medic. Bots used to flood to the Koanian pits like this, prancing and cheering over dead mechs. Ratchet shook the thought, no need to stoke his already bitter fire. He had other concerns to manage.

Luckily, the rambunctiousness of the bar distracted from the hunched form of Rodimus at the bar. He was sobbing silently into his servos, his whole body shaking as he struggled to pull in vents. It was grief Ratchet had not seen in a long time, not even when news of Optimus’s death reached Cybertron. He had faith that Rodimus would pull through, that was until Megatron’s smiling goodbye, and now? He wasn’t so sure.

Drift was draped over Rodimus’s frame like a protective blanket, holding him close to his chest. He hummed and shushed soothingly as he rubbed gentle circles down the side of his faceplates like consoling a lost and orphaned sparkling. Ratchet's spark squeezed uncomfortably. He stepped towards them from his shadowy corner of the hall, sensing Drift's need for backup.

Ratchet placed a hand on Rodimus’s shoulder, leaning in slightly to let him know he was there, but he didn’t say anything. There was nothing he could say. Instead, he defaulted to medic mode, monitoring Rodimus’s internal temperature and ventilations. A coping mechanism, a nice little remnant from the war. It wasn’t long before Ratchet felt Drift bury his faceplates into the side his neck, optics offline and expression pinched, EM field flared uncomfortably. The medic realized he wasn’t backup for Rodimus anymore. Extending his other arm around Drift's shoulder, he pulled the two speeders close to his chest, resting his chin on the back of Drift's helm. They held that position for quite some time, unseen and forgotten in the midst of the celebration of the planet.

"Minimus," Ratchet pinged urgently over comms. "Wakes happening now, better get a move on…"

The noise was deafening. It reverberated through his body, rattling his plating, rendering it impossible to think. Luckily, he wasn’t thinking at all. The witness room had erupted in celebration, as if they had reached the end of a countdown to a new cycle. The sound was a muffled roar in his audio receptors, with a piercing ring cutting through his helm. He swore he could hear the chanting and hollering all the way planet-side. Minimus made not a sound. The only thing he could do was stare.

And he continued to stare long after Megatron’s spark went out. He watched as the monitors flatlined, and the little color that marked his frame bled away to a cold grey, duller than living sentio metallico. Despite everything, it was a peaceful way to go. Megatron looked peaceful. Like in recharge. The little medibot from before had returned, removing cables and confirming the time of death for the historical records. He appreciated that it was her; no one else seemed to have an ounce of respect. The sound never died down.

Minimus was broken from his trance as movement from the corner of the execution chamber caught his attention. Prowl stepped into clear view, also staring at Megatron’s cold frame. He was smiling, clapping even, though it seemed hollow. Forced. Minimus knew the only satisfaction Prowl could get would be slitting Megatron’s throat cablings. It brought an ounce of joy to the minibot knowing the rogue enforcer had lost that opportunity.

Prowl turned his helm, staring directly at Minimus and clapping harder. It made his optics harden and cool into something deadly. Despair spiraled into an unprofessional rage as his grip tightened on the window sill. Prowl approached the viewing screen, clapping in a taunting rhythm now, almost in beat with the cheering of the room. The enforcer made it to the glass, bending down to meet Minimus at face level, his clap slowing to a halt as his smile faded into a crooked grin.

"The bells aren't ringing in Tarn, I hear," Prowl teased through the glass.

Minimus reared on his peds, fist raising hard and fast with a shout and bared dentae, rage exploding from his core, restraint weakened from grief. He plowed his bunched servo into the screen of the viewing window with a resounding crack, disrupting the room amidst the festivity as the force fields recalibrated with a hum. Witnesses and aliens stared at Minimus in silent, baffled confusion, but he remained focused on Prowl, his optics burning with fury.

His hit left no trace on the screen, designed to withstand even phase sixers' violence. All it accomplished was drawing attention to himself, exactly what Prowl had wanted. Minimus vented hard, fist still resting on the screen as he glared at Prowl's smiling face—a coward.

"I suggest you run and hide there," Prowl threatened before pressing a button, causing the viewing screen to fade to opaque orange, the Autobot insignia spinning in the middle.

Taking a slow step back, Minimus tried to control his vents, his rage simmering beneath the surface. His tunnel vision faded enough to notice the room's eerie quietness, and he touched his olfactory sensor, feeling it bleed again. Embarrassment washed over him as he realized the room's attention was fixated on him. A comm pinged urgently, a notification from Ratchet indicating things were going poorly on the surface. He was needed elsewhere now. Glancing back at Megatron's frame before remembering he was alone, Minimus raised a servo to his forehead, ducking his helm low as he made a speedy breakaway to the door.

"If you would excuse me," he chimed quickly as he left, the party continuing without interruption.

He sprinted down the corridor of the gallows, noticing the distinct lack of bots and guards. Good for them, it made disappearing easier. He needed to get off this prison, away from these cruel bastards. His friends needed him, and he needed them more than ever. He had no intention of returning to the hab suite, Magnus's armor be damned. However, as he approached the corridor, he saw a bot standing outside his assigned unit's door—waiting. It was a small bot, the medibot attending to Megatron personally in the execution chamber. What was she doing out here? A violation, but Minimus couldn't bring himself to care.

"Excuse me! Sir!" She threw her arms up, not in authority, but in a plea for attention, holding a shining object in one servo. "I know this is inappropriate, but please wait."

Minimus halted, arms raised slightly in a defensive posture. Unsure who to trust, he observed the medibot's flustered state, mirroring his own. She extended the object—a Rodimus star, weathered and battered, but unmistakably Megatron's.

“He waited…I noticed you…He-“ She stumbled over words, undecided on how to explain. “I found it in his Sub-space. He murmured about getting it to his captain…you look like you know”.

Minimus's defensive stance softened as he stepped forward to accept it, understanding the risk she took to give it to him. It was the only physical object of Megatron’s left. Illegal to have, but sentimental none the lest. Rodimus would be greatly appreciative of the gesture.

"Thank—" Minimus began, but she hushed and hurried past him, helm low and disappearing down the corridor as if nothing had happened. He understood, clutching the badge tightly to his chest before subs-pacing it before transforming to vehicle mode. It hurt with his dented plating and bruised internals, but he needed off this hellscape now. He needed to get back down to Cybertron, and back down too Rodimus.

#megatron #transformers #macaddams #mtmte #mtmte megatron #minimus ambus #ultra magnus #idw transformers #drift #ratchet #rodimus #rodimus prime #lost light #idw mtmte #tf mtmte #prowl #transformers fanfiction #Spotify

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esoxy · 9 months

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So let's get into the nitty-gritty technical details behind my latest project, the National Blue Trail round-trip search application available here:

This project has been fun with me learning a lot about plenty of technologies, including QGis, PostGIS, pgRouting, GTFS files, OpenLayers, OpenTripPlanner and Vita.

So let's start!

In most of my previous GIS projects I have always used custom made tools written in ruby or Javascript and never really tried any of the "proper" GIS tools, so it was a good opportunity for me to learn a bit of QGIS. I hoped I could do most of the work there, but soon realized it's not fully up to the job, so I had to extend the bits to other tools at the end. For most purposes I used QGis to import data from various sources, and export the results to PostGIS, then do the calculations in PostGIS, re-import the results from there and save them into GeoJSON. For this workflow QGIS was pretty okay to use. I also managed to use it for some minor editing as well.

I did really hope I could avoid PostGIS, and do all of the calculation inside QGIS, but its routing engine is both slow, and simply not designed for multiple uses. For example after importing the map of Hungary and trying to find a single route between two points it took around 10-15 minutes just to build the routing map, then a couple seconds to calculate the actual route. There is no way to save the routing map (at least I didn't find any that did not involve coding in Python), so if you want to calculate the routes again you had to wait the 10-15 minute of tree building once more. Since I had to calculate around 20.000 of routes at least, I quickly realized this will simply never work out.

I did find the QNEAT3 plugin which did allow one to do a N-M search of routes between two set of points, but it was both too slow and very disk space intense. It also calculated many more routes than needed, as you couldn't add a filter. In the end it took 23 hours for it to calculate the routes AND it created a temporary file of more than 300Gb in the process. After realizing I made a mistake in the input files I quickly realized I won't wait this time again and started looking at PostGIS + pgRouting instead.

Before we move over to them two very important lessons I learned in QGIS:

There is no auto-save. If you forget to save and then 2 hours later QGIS crashes for no reason then you have to restart your work

Any layer that is in editing mode is not getting saved when you press the save button. So even if you don't forget to save by pressing CTRL/CMD+S every 5 seconds like every sane person who used Adobe products ever in their lifetimes does, you will still lose your work two hours later when QGIS finally crashes if you did not exit the editing mode for all of the layers

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So let's move on to PostGIS.

It's been a while since I last used PostGIS - it was around 11 years ago for a web based object tracking project - but it was fairly easy to get it going. Importing data from QGIS (more specifically pushing data from QGIS to PostGIS) was pretty convenient, so I could fill up the tables with the relevant points and lines quite easily. The only hard part was getting pgRouting working, mostly because there aren't any good tutorials on how to import OpenStreetMap data into it. I did find a blog post that used a freeware (not open source) tool to do this, and another project that seems dead (last update was 2 years ago) but at least it was open source, and actually worked well. You can find the scripts I used on the GitHub page's README.

Using pgRouting was okay - documentation is a bit hard to read as it's more of a specification, but I did find the relevant examples useful. It also supports both A* search (which is much quicker than plain Dijsktra on a 2D map) and searching between N*M points with a filter applied, so I hoped it will be quicker than QGIS, but I never expected how quick it was - it only took 5 seconds to calculate the same results it took QGIS 23 hours and 300GB of disk space! Next time I have a GIS project I'm fairly certain I will not shy away from using PostGIS for calculations.

There were a couple of hard parts though, most notably:

ST_Collect will nicely merge multiple lines into one single large line, but the direction of that line looked a bit random, so I had to add some extra code to fix it later.

ST_Split was similarly quite okay to use (although it took me a while to realize I needed to use ST_Snap with proper settings for it to work), but yet again the ordering of the segments were off a slight bit, but I was too lazy to fix it with code - I just updated the wrong values by hand.

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The next project I had never used in the past was OpenTripPlanner. I did have a public transport project a couple years ago but back then tools like this and the required public databases were very hard to come by, so I opted into using Google's APIs (with a hard limit to make sure this will never be more expensive than the free tier Google gives you each month), but I have again been blown away how good tooling has become since then. GTFS files are readily available for a lot of sources (although not all - MAV, the Hungarian Railways has it for example behind a registration paywall, and although English bus companies are required to publish this by law - and do it nicely, Scottish ones don't always do it, and even if they do finding them is not always easy. Looks to be something I should push within my party of choice as my foray into politics)

There are a couple of caveats with OpenTripPlanner, the main one being it does require a lot of RAM. Getting the Hungarian map, and the timetables from both Volánbusz (the state operated coach company) and BKK (the public transport company of Budapest) required around 13GB of RAM - and by default docker was only given 8, so it did crash at first with me not realizing why.

The interface of OpenTripPlanner is also a bit too simple, and it was fairly hard for me to stop it from giving me trips that only involve walking - I deliberately wanted it to only search between bus stops involving actual bus travel as the walking part I had already done using PostGIS. I did however check if I could have used OpenTripPlanner for that part as well, and while it did work somewhat it didn't really give optimal results for my use case, so I was relieved the time I spend in QGIS - PostGIS was not in vain.

The API of OpenTripPlanner was pretty neat though, it did mimic Google's route searching API as much as possible which I used in the past so parsing the results was quite easy.

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Once we had all of the data ready, the final bit was converting it to something I can use in JavaScript. For this I used my trusted scripting language I use for such occasion for almost 20 years now: ruby. The only interesting part here was the use of Encoded Polylines (which is Google's standard of sending LineString information over inside JSON files), but yet again I did find enough tools to handle this pretty obscure format.

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Final part was the display. While I usually used Leaflet in the past I really wanted to try OpenLayers, I had another project I had not yet finished where Leaflet was simply too slow for the data, and I had a very quick look at OpenLayers and saw it could display it with an acceptable performance, so I believed it might be a good opportunity for me to learn it. It was pretty okay, although I do believe transparent layers seem to be pretty slow under it without WebGL rendering, and I could not get WebGL working as it is still only available as a preview with no documentation (and the interface has changed completely in the last 2 months since I last looked at it). In any case OpenLayers was still a good choice - it had built in support for Encoded Polylines, GPX Export, Feature selection by hovering, and a nice styling API. It also required me to use Vita for building the application, which was a nice addition to my pretty lacking knowledge of JavaScript frameworks.

----

All in all this was a fun project, I definitely learned a lot I can use in the future. Seeing how well OpenTripPlanner is, and not just for public transport but also walking and cycling, did give me a couple new ideas I could not envision in the past because I could only do it with Google's Routing API which would have been prohibitively expensive. Now I just need to start lobbying for the Bus Services Act 2017 or something similar to be implemented in Scotland as well

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keyofjetwolf · 1 year

Text

Yellowjackets S01E06 spoilers under the cut NOT FOR PRYING HOLLIGAY EYES

"Jackie just adored rabbits."

OH MY FUCKING GOD AND AN AVALANCHE OF THOUGHTS JUST CRASHED DOWN ON ME AND I'M TAKING YOU ALL WITH ME

I'd filed away that Shauna has A THING about rabbits. We've seen her kill two, going so far as to expertly skin, disembowel, butcher, and then make a chili out of the thing to serve to her family. (Who loved it when they had no idea what was in it, hello I see you clear parallel.)

Yet we've ALSO seen that Shauna has bunny shit absolutely everywhere, all these tchotchkes that didn't seem to fit. Not only in what we're gathering about her general lifestyle, but in her apparent relationship to rabbits. She hates them! Murderously! But she also cherishes them? Or at least the still, silent representations of them that can't eat her garden.

Couldn't make sense of it, but it was too obviously placed as a contradiction to not make note of it, so note it I did and moved on.

UNTIL NOW AND HOLY SHIT

JACKIE IS THE RABBIT. I've been wondering what happened to her (as I have everyone we haven't also seen in the 2021 timeline), but I feel SUPER confident now saying she's dead dead so fucking dead.

Shauna loves her. They've been best friends for how long?

Shauna is IN love with her. That much was obvious immediately, and is I believe 10000% the reason she hooked up with and later married Jeff. (Can't have the girl? Have the guy who can.)

Shauna hates her. This part I'm shakiest on right now, but if Jackie is the rabbit (JACKIE IS ABSOLUTELY THE RABBIT), then I know it's true. Maybe Shauna hates her because Jackie can't/won't/doesn't return her feelings. Maybe Jackie's kind of selfish and terrible sometimes. Shauna was going to (or was at least wrestling with) passing up Brown to go to whatever shitbag local university Jackie was going to, and was that because Shauna wanted to, or was pressured to, or felt obligated to, or...?

I don't know that piece yet, but I DO know people are complex and can be many things at once, and so even without filling in the details, I have zero problem accepting that Shauna loved and hated Jackie all at the same time.

Bringing us to today. Shauna cherishes the idea of the rabbit, enshrines it almost, while Shauna also kills and eats the rabbit.

So if Jackie is the rabbit (AND JACKIE IS WITHOUT A DOUBT THE FUCKING RABBIT), oh that bitch became dinner and I'd lay two shiny quarters that Shauna is the one who took the first bite.

Because how else to love Jackie, to take her in so completely, than literally consume her?

THAT IS FUCKED MY FRIENDS

THAT IS FUCKED UP AND I'M INTO IT

#oh shit oh shit #and a couple episodes ago where jackie DIRECTLY SAYS she's not cut out for all this #this isn't her world #the others can adapt and do what it takes to survive #jackie can't #the poison ivy #that means something too #not getting it right now but that's also symbolic of something filing that away too #anyway yes jackie basically ANNOUNCES IT THERE that she's doomed #oh man and what did the head coach say about her being team leader aahhh #gotta rewatch brb #'when things get tough out there those girls are gonna need someone to guide them' #GUIDE #not lead #because jackie isn't a natural leader it's painful whenever she tries #the leader is clearly taissa #guide though #influencer as he also says #fuck me yeah it's all right there #a guide shows the way #girl you were dinner before you ever set foot on that plane #ANYWAY SORRY I'M HAVING A LOT OF THOUGHTS IN THIS CHILIS TONIGHT

Edited to add: "JACK RABBIT" IT'S ALL JUST SITTING RIGHT THERE FUCK YOU GOODBYE

#jet wolf watches yellowjackets

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halfbit · 10 months

Note

hey! this is chance & here’s this week’s prompt. what websites or resources do you use while you write or develop a character/story? what do you think of them and would you recommend them?

hiya chance! thanks for the ask! also i went way too detailedwith this one again, sorry adsajfhdks.

i included links to every resource i listed that is either free or freemium, aside from one's that are on most people's computers by default.

i've tried out a lot of different stuff over the years — i don't have wi-fi so i have strong preference for offline programs and tools! so the majority of these are kept on your computer.

my main tool right now is obsidian — prior to that i used quoll writer, joplin, and plain old notepad (yeah...) though, and i haven't finished transferring and reformatting everything yet ^^. i only reopen quoll now though to look at my old notes. i highly recommend obsidian, it's so much fun once you figure it out and highly responsive. quoll is useful too but i had some issues with it, including the occasional lost content, random crash, and just general slowness.

i use obsidian for keeping all of my brainstorming together, backing up my discord rambles, outlining plots, and organizing my worldbuilding and character profiles. i also sometimes write short stories or little one-off scenes in it.

a sample of my obsidian setup for serpent's quest + a different obsidian setup i have for another project that is. a bit too cheesy and embarrassing to share.

i do dabble in conlanging for serpent's quest! originally i kept all my words in a notepad file, but i ended up downloading polyglot to help keep things organized and make it easy to generate new vocabulary offline! i keep formatted notes on my conlangs in libre office (which is also what i use to write my longer stuff). i also use polyglot to generate names and organize their meanings/origins when i'm stuck!

my polyglot system for names specificially!

on occasion i use twine, but usually for specific things like family trees, timelines, or connecting my universe together. however i recently figured out how to do this with obsidian too so i'm probably gonna move that part over to obsidian as well (obsidian is great yall)

a section of one of my family trees done in twine

some adjacent resources i use include:

clip studio + concepts + physical sketchbook for art & visual brainstorming. i also designed the conlang script in clip studio. i find concepts is really useful for getting rough visual ideas out quickly, although it runs a bit slow on my computer. it's a lot less polished than clip studio, but that kind of takes the pressure off and makes it easier to just experiment. it's like using ms paint but with slightly better tools.

some rough ideas i drafted using concepts!

sometimes i also use it for "hand-written" digital notes, which is super helpful for brainstorming ideas

allusion + pureref for visual references. you could definitely use these to store moodboards too if you wanted to have some inspiration on screen while you write or brainstorm, although i haven't done that myself though. also might be good for reference images of the setting, so you know what the place looks like. pureref lets you keep things on the screen, whereas allusion allows you to create custom tags and folders for your reference images, making it easy to find them and plop them into pureref when you need them.

this is my allusion set up! i mostly got it because i had way too many references for pureref to keep up with, i still need to go through and tag everything properly, but if you're just gonna use it for keeping moodboards or character sheets organized i think it can be super useful (and offline!)

websites i use when developing things or generating inspiration include tvtropes, wikipedia, findmypast (for old newspapers) and ofc youtube and tumblr.

when i'm developing a story or character, i like to go through tv tropes and see the different archetypes and how different works have subverted or played them straight. i almost always walk away with an idea i want to explore or flip on its head.

wikipedia is great to use as a starting point. i usually try to go through the sources and see if i can find more in depth stuff that way, or use the names it mentions to see if i can get more. i also use it to check if my names make sense if i'm pulling them from a real culture. i tend not to worry as much about the meaning being accurate, i'm more concerned with whether it makes sense for a 40 year old to be named dillian. so i usually double check the wikipedia page for a name and look at the notable people with that name, what country they're from, and what years they were born in.

i found findmypast while i was doing research for adigore, but i can see it being immensely useful (and very entertaining) for general research. it has an immense amount of newspapers you can read and search by keywords. you can't access all of them, but you can access enough that it doesn't really matter.

with youtube i love it for more casual idea acquisition! i'll sometimes listen to videos about worldbuilding or writing in the background during work. i definitely prefer it as a well of ideas or worldbuilding zone rather than a "writing advice" corner, all of these things are hugely influenced by one's own opinions, but i think you can still walk away with some cool stuff regardless (or a better idea of what doesn't work for you!)

here's a few specific channels i've been enjoying lately.

the grungeon master - explores and questions fantasy tropes and ideas, usually done in the context of d&d, but i've found the discussions to be highly transferrable to general fantasy as well

kaz rowe - modern and medieval history, culture and historical misconceptions, a gold mine if you're doing any type of writing at all regarding the victorian period as well, and also just entertaining in general. often explores media (especially queer) in a historical and cultural context too!

localscriptman - from the perspective of a screenwriter, i've found the writing advice to be very helpful especially if you sometimes need more bluntly delivered ideas. this won't be for everyone but i feel like if it is for you it'll just work.

and for tumblr well, it's all of yall! sharing cool stuff, and stumbling upon cool blogs and the recommendations they give. a treasure trove of resources and knowledge! thank you.

god why did this get so long. why did i spend so much time on this. i could have just done a bulletpoint list. i am so good at answering simple questions. aaaaaa haha </3

#writeblr #writblr #long post #◤ asks #sorry brevity is my worst enemy #◤ resource

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izzyizumi · 2 years

Photo

Digimon Adventures ~ Taichi Yagami & Koushiro[u] Izumi {A.M.V. Out-lining/Timeline} for Koushiro x Taichi A.M.V.: Tsuki no Uta [#Tri Spoilers, #Kizuna Spoilers, #Digimon Adventure: Spoilers]… This is the current initial ‘previewed’ look of a mostly-finished A.M.V., but with sections I can easily jump around and edit in if I ever go back to it in the future.

... And this is what a full version/outline of 100~ clips may look like!

With this one, starting from after the big Kizuna moment leading into an OWG clip of Taichi, the editor was starting to bug up and lag, and it was honestly amazing this one didn’t crash for some odd, unknown reason before I could finish & save it (when I’ve had many others crash by 40, even just 17~20 clips on a bad editing day)

So this one managed to work out in the end, but I was concerned I wouldn’t be able to fill in the ending with much, and thus I started using some longer sequences by the end, since using longer ones seems like it’ll crash less than if you use a ton of clips at once. I still managed to convey the feel of what I was going for at least (including within the original psuedo-plans), I think, though also the psuedo-outlines had the ending move a lot faster with many shots (that’s usually my wishful thinking though, so I made do with this instead.)

All clips with a series of squares in the corner has effects (sometimes multiple fade-in to fade-out sequences) on.

Also, sometimes the previews on clips will glitch oddly, and then fun things like this may happen:

^ (BlackAgumon Appeared!)

{It Knows.}

(OK, but most of the time it just glitches the main charas in previews and you can barely see them, which means yeah, kinda hard to see on the timeline.)

This took almost 6~ hours of editing total, spread across two evenings. (I think I finished just under the 6 hour mark on this time, but these ‘totals’ also include a lot of boring loading of files, audio etc. & waiting. So it’s actually a bit less time than even that, but hard for me to keep track of.)

I didn’t even have a full-on psuedo-plan for this one, honestly? (Like, I had an initial overall 'concept’/idea in my mind, including for ending, but I always have trouble when it comes to fitting in the most scenes I’d love to use if possible. I couldn’t even add in 2020!Koushiro’s ep with Gerbemon + Chuumon [/Tyumon] here yet! Maybe in the ‘finished’ version, if I can attempt to go back in, fix those few things & add in subs, sometime hopefully...)

A.M.V.s take a lot of time to make, too! And as much as I’d love to produce them quickly like this, no, I can’t actually manage this kind of attempt every single time without being supremely wiped out mentally afterwards, but this one was a lot of fun to work on too, since it didn’t crash AS much for me this time around...

I’d like to be able to improve my focus to finish them slightly more quickly in time for when character or O.T.P focused events I’m interested in roll around, since it’s way harder to finish a series of A.M.V.s in this quality 7 days in a row, for example when it comes to weekly events, but we’ll see! (Also because I’m typically not the type to {personally} join in events much anymore either... well, I sometimes do try for any Favs though, we’ll see!)

[Note: replying/Tags that are Positive/respectful are OK!] (If you re-blog this, please out of courtesy tag ‘Tri Spoilers’, ‘Kizuna Spoilers’, and ‘Digimon Adventure: Spoilers’ for your mutuals if you feel it’s necessary!)

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drenchedcollar · 5 months

Text

throwaway poetry

game files collecting dust

waiting to recover the fun

that existed in older times

was a mystery,mostly quiet

was impatient, it got shaky

close to the edge to get crazy

cause it could fall down and

dont want to break it

anxiety inside over the day

still had progression

some parts a bit complicated

that some of it ended,

on a bad note but could always be corrected

until it became too offkey

i tried a change of key

where i found myself lost in,

so i lost it,removed the file

and pressed the off switch

cant believe i was so close in

only realized after the game had been closing

and with it how much all of that meant

i got so far and in the end i wish it to matter

i might be full of regrets

cause it made me lose the save

and i'm loosely afraid

it's impossible to have it fully back

there's no backup, except against the wall

but would never forgive myself

if i didnt at least try to climb back up

thinking of the times i had

wish it couldve it last

did i really gave all my best

nostalgia feeling makes me sad

but they shouldnt cause it was a blast

many moments causing happiness

and the times i spent i never forget

the best time in my life, and i'll never forget

feelings were built, but they became dysphorical

so I'm taking my time to get poetical

a car racing simulation but the adrenaline making

the heart move the fastest

acknowledging i cant steer the wheel

cant bring you over the finish line

cant trap you inside

before there's a horrible crash

there came a better driver

best i've been replaced,

that shows its love to play and finishes first place

still my end goal that'll you make it

and you will be the happiest-

person on earth, deserving after many losses that hurt

the longer no one inserted

the cd and turned on the drive again

motivation kept going in a sine wave

more passed time, until it turned to a flat line

the highest peak followed

by a very steep dropoff

and now i dare to even sneak peek but

never tried a cpr

asking myself if i be enough

was me on a roll cause i played well or was it being luck

and everyday without it i start

to think how one can miss one so much

things i'll never forget shall remain

in the soul somewhere locked

but i'm hiding behind closed doors once more

again outside are built those walls

back to being withdrawn

searching for better cards to be drawn

cause it aint over just because the screen turned gray

i havent reached afterlife, instead after time

i will respawn

dont want it to be a memory that'll fade

make new ones of the ones that shattered

doesnt matter how small the embers

keep it all altogether,wont let the flame die out

reconnect to the game,start a new tryout

remember the good parts, that i want to replay

and the bad parts that were problems will be fixed on the way

choose other paths, some might be the same

new ones are coming, crack the puzzles once unsolved

fill the holes hollowed, gonna take lot of work and it'll go slow

months or years, fight battles i had lost or already conquered

alone but no fear, until there might be a request to be followed

#throwaway poetry

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mi5018abifiges · 1 year

Text

Final Idea - Cat

I want to work with contrast, The contrast between 3D and 2D.

As live action is 3D I want to animate something 2D.

Cat

I love cats, a lot. I weirdly especially like the way they move. I have made several animations of cats over the years and I want to continue to animate them as much as I can.

I want to animate a cat walking along the top of a wall.

Storyboard:

Animatic

youtube

I want to make the cat look as hand drawn as i can, i think it will look good in contrast to the live action.

Feedback

I showed my animatic and talked about my plan and i got advise on howi should go about achieving the idea.

I wanted to do the animation completely in 2D, however as my camera movements are going to be changing the prospective on the cat, it would make more sense for me to make the animation in 3D.

I will create the cat in maya and the animate it in maya. I will make a wall in maya too, just so I can have the cat walking in the correct place. I will then make the Maya wall invisible.

Motion Tracking:

I took the footage I filmed for the cat animation and took it into Nuke. I motion tracked the footage to make a virtual camera that will move like I did when filming.

Maya

I opened Maya and imported the virtual camera. I then changed the prospective to looking through the camera. I then added the footage to play as a background. I then created a 3D wall.

I made the wall invisible and made a practice of the movement along the wall. I did this using a sphere. This was to help me with the movement of the cat when I get around to doing the cat.

youtube

The movement is not perfect but it is useful to show where I want the cat to move.

I then opened a new Maya file and made a model of at cat, by creating a plane shape and extruding the edges:

After I made the cat model I wanted to add fur to it, I researched how to do this and used the X-Gen feature of maya to add fur. I had a problem as I had made the eyes, nose and whiskers, part of the same mesh as the body. This meant that my cat got hairy eyes. I did end up removing the hair for the eyes using the trimming hair tool:

I then used the quick rig tool to rig the cat. i moved where the joints were so that i could move all 4 legs and the head, wherever i wanted to.

I then started working on the walk cycle. I planned how long the cat needed to walk, then when the cat turns, and when the cat jumps, so it would fit with my footage. Based on the balls movements i knew at what frame i need these movements.

I started the animation of the walk cycle but maya kept crashing on me, so I removed the x-gen fur to make the software run smoother. I had many problems with the rig, as cats have different joints to us, this made it difficult to have the cat walk like a cat, but i kept going, ignoring the perfectionist mindset.

Once i was finished with the walkcycle I opened the practice file, of the ball. I deleted the ball and brought in the walking cat. The cat was much bigger than the wall so i downsized it to fit on the wall. I then keyframed the general movement of the cat.

Once i had finished with this, I deleted the maya wall and watched it through the camera, to make slight adjustments to keep the cat on top of the footage wall, as the maya wall wasn't a perfect match to the one in the footage.

Once i was happy with the whole animation, i tried adding the x-gen fur back to the cat. This was a problem as the cat was now so much smaller than it was before. X-gen didn't make fur that small, so i could not longer have my cat be fury. This made me upset as i loved the way the cat looked fury. However i didn't have much of a choice. I rendered the finished sequence and the added it to Premiere pro.

I wanted to try and add some thing similar to fur to the cat, in premire pro, I used an effect, to remove everything but the black colour, from animation, leaving me with just the cat. I then added the scatter effect to the cat, this made the cat look like it was made up off several dots, similar to the fur but not as good. I then added the original footage i filmed of the wall, under the cat.

Once i had finshed everything visual I added sound to the video and exported it

Finished Cat:

youtube

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notchesandbullets · 3 years

Text

The Gentle Giant's Breaking Point (Shoji x Reader)

Art credit: @tonerukun

Requested by: @/smol_angry_rabbit on wattpad

Aged-Up!AU

Warnings: explicit smut, size kink, dirty talk, hickeys, cursing, being overpowered and completely dominated, unprotected sex, creampie, multiple orgasms, tender aftercare and soft confession

Words: 6.4k

In downtown Musutafu, Shoji, Tokoyami and Ojiro were wandering around the city packed with people on a bright, sunny day. A gentle breeze blew by, swirling around the hundreds of people who decided to get some fresh air for the first time in weeks.

The second the weather warmed up, food stalls and all sorts of vendors were back on the streets. Mouthwatering scents of sesame soba, senbei and taiyaki curled deliciously into the air and wafted over to everyone within the vicinity, enticing them over to buy the scrumptious street food.

At the first sight of spring, the students of UA scattered, all eager to spend their off day outside.

Kaminari, Bakugou, Kirishima and Ashido all went to the pool, the rest of Class 1-A following in a slow trickle.

It first was Hagakure who wanted to tag along, then Uraraka, then reluctantly Jirou followed by the rest of the girls.

Midoriya sheepishly asked if he could come along too, Todoroki following suit since he'd rather be anywhere than at an empty dorm and end up having to go home to his father.

Mineta was only allowed to come with Sero's tape restricting his hands and covering his eyes. He complained the whole way there that it was unfair but no one paid any attention to him.

Shoji let his arms fall to his sides as he strolled around downtown, following Tokoyami.

He hadn't particularly wanted to go anywhere, preferring to stay in the dorms. He didn't know when was the last time where it had actually been quiet. Not since before they moved in.

He didn't really have any complaints about his classmates. If anything, he was rather happy to live in a dormitory. It meant he got to see a lot more of you.

You were best friends with him, preferring to keep to yourself most of the time, just like him.

Maybe that's why you got along so well.

Shoji never tried to bother you but it was inevitable when the last class of the day would be dismissed and everyone paired off or huddled up in their groups to talk about anything and everything. He would just be at his desk, pulling out a book or getting started on his homework so he didn't have to worry about it later and you would come over, plop yourself down in the empty desk next to him and start reading a book without a word.

He didn't mind. He rather liked your company. It was quiet. It was nice.

He was going to ask you if you wanted to come with him, Tokoyami and Ojiro today but you were gone when he woke up. At least he had your number and he messaged you to make sure you were okay.

You responded back pretty quickly that everything was fine, you just had to take care of something first and then you'd meet them at the beach.

Shoji thought nothing of it. So when Ojiro asked if he wanted to come along with them downtown because Tokoyami needed to pick up more art supplies before their next class, he readily agreed.

He honestly didn't expect to see you there, let alone run into you. Literally.

You panted, rounding the corner, your eyes round with fear as adrenaline pumped through your veins. But you weren't watching where you were going.

Crashing into someone's very solid chest, your force knocked them over, sending the two of you toppling over instantly.

Springing up, you quickly apologized. "I'm so sorry!!"

All else blanked from your head as you saw who it was you exactly landed on and your jaw dropped open.

"Shoji?!"

Suppressing a groan, he sat up, encircling your waist carefully to ensure you wouldn't fall.

His brow furrowed in confusion as he helped the two of you up into a standing position, completely ignoring Ojiro and Tokoyami's questioning stares. "What are you doing?"

You opened your mouth to answer him when all of the sudden, you were hit by a blinding light.

Various enraged cries echoed from the alley you had just rushed out of.

"Get back here!!!"

"Shoot." You muttered under your breath. "My paralysis wore off."

"You're using your quirk?!" Ojiro exclaimed in shock. "You know that's against the rules!!!"

You ushered everybody into the nearest store hastily, hiding behind All Might merchandise to keep out of sight. "You want to lecture me now or after we call the police?"

While Tokoyami dialed for the local police, Shoji shifted closer to you, using his dupli-arms to hide you from view.

"Who are they?" He asked you.

He knew you weren't the type to go around causing trouble. If you had used your quirk, it had to be because you were cornered with no way out. He knew you.

And judging by that foreign, hesitant look in your eyes, you knew it, too.

"It's nothing, I'm fine." You mumbled under your breath, refusing to look at him.

Shoji didn't say anything else on the matter, dropping it entirely when a shadow passed over him.

You squeezed your eyes shut and held your breath as the men searched for you, your breath hitching when Shoji's grip around you tightened protectively. Too many times you had imagined his arms around you but this was a scenario you didn't exactly picture.

The sirens wailing outside had you relaxing the tiniest bit, the rest of the tension leaving your body as the police arrested the three men using their quirks to create destruction.

Shoji didn't let you go quite yet though. Not until he was sure every last one of them left.

Pulling back, he allowed you to slip out of his arms. And that's when he saw it.

The blood.

The cut on your cheek was smeared with crimson and he questioned how he didn't notice that sooner.

Cradling your cheek, he angled your face, his jaw ticking as he got a better look at your injury.

"Y/N."

You gulped as he used your first name without any honorific. You knew he meant business and your heart fluttered at how much he seemed to care for you in that moment.

You shoved down your feelings, forcing yourself to breathe normally, dreading that he would notice how nervous you were.

It wasn't that you really had anything to be anxious about, you knew Shoji would never judge you for any reason. Kind-hearted despite how often he had gotten teased when he was younger, he never let it affect him in any way other than pushing him towards his best self.

You always admired that about it.

Shoji was such a gentle giant and you were one of the few he told about his past and what ultimately led him to striving to become a hero.

Which is why you were so caught off guard by the anger simmering beneath the surface of his eyes as he tended to the abrasion on your cheek.

The officers contained the situation quickly, arresting those that were causing chaos. The same gang of boys who were responsible for your injuries. Tokoyami and Ojiro filed out of your makeshift hiding place first, reporting what you had seen before Shoji helped you up and they turned your attention to you.

All three of their expressions changed from quelled worry to disbelief as you denied all allegations they had clearly made against you.

Still, the police officers couldn't go against it if you didn't even admit to it but brought the boys down to the station for processing. They would be able to fit the pieces together later once the camera footage of the convenience store was recovered. Until then, they let you go.

After you refused medical treatment when the police arrived on the scene, absolutely hating hospitals, you trekked back to the dormitory to sort out your injuries.

They were rather mild and you weren't worried about it at all. The hero-in-training hovering over you though, said otherwise.

You sat on one of the many couches in the common area of Heights Alliance so that he could patch you up. It was a good thing that the dorms were empty since everyone was gone for the rare off day that they got.

Shoji had ushered Ojiro and Tokoyami to go on without him to meet up with the rest of their class at the beach, promising that he would look after you and make sure that you didn't actually need a hospital.

But you also thought it was to make sure you weren't going to do anything reckless again.

He had already scolded you for not taking your wounds seriously enough and insisted on treating them, which was a bit weird because he never was one for insisting on anything unless he felt strongly enough about it.

The atmosphere was tense as he put away the rest of the medical supplies, settling for a simple butterfly closure after he cleaned the area.

Now, he was staring at you as if he wanted to devour you. Heat flooded to your lower regions no matter how hard you tried to stop it. It was clear that he was frustrated, borderline angry and upset with you for reasons unclear to you but hope kindled in your heart.

There was no way he liked you like that. He never said anything about it before.

Regardless, no one should look that good while they were enraged. The silent fury simmering beneath the surface of his being was too good of a look on him.

"Are you going to tell me what that was all about?" Shoji questioned, peeling off his mask and revealed a deep-seated frown etched on his face.

Your breath caught in your throat. No matter how many times you saw his face, it never failed to take your breath away and stop time completely.

He was beautiful.

"I-I—" You stammered, at a loss for words due to his vulnerability in front of you. He clearly trusted you a great deal. You wanted to return the gesture.

Your heart rate spiked in nervousness and you swallowed hard.

Taking a deep breath to steady yourself, your voice got quieter and more solemn as you told him about these people who had been bullying your little brother. Your parents weren't in the picture, and since your aunt, who had taken the two of you in, didn't care much other than making sure you were fed and attending school, you knew you couldn't depend on her for help.

You had been bullied too, something you told your brother the second you walked in one weekend and he burst into tears. You felt horrible. At UA, you were too far away to protect him, but you promised you'd do something about it.

Logically, you knew you should've gone to the authorities. But you were just so blinded by rage and hell bent on revenge for these boys who had struck him across the face and punched him in the eye more than once that you weren't going to let it go on for a second longer.

Shoji was silent when you finished. You played with your fingers in your lap, unsure of what to do. Maybe you talked too much.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Your head snapped up and you gaped. You didn't have an answer for him.

Shoji sighed and his eyes saddened. "You can rely on me, on our friends. We would have helped you."

You looked back down, his gaze too intense for you to hold. He was staring at you too earnestly and you felt the hurt that resonated within him at the actions you didn't take to reach out towards him.

"I know." You whispered. "But I didn't want any of you to get involved."

A discontented noise emitted from the back of his throat and Shoji's mouth pressed in a hard line, clearly disagreeing with you but not voicing it.

The silence turned uncomfortable and you shifted in place, discreetly rubbing your thighs together as a shiver passed through your body.

Your eyes widened as he draped his shawl over you. You gulped as Shoji bulking form loomed over you, your heart now beating faster for another reason entirely.

"S-Shoji?!"

"Mezo..." He murmured. "We're alone. You can call me Mezo."

This wasn't anything new, you had already been comfortable enough to call him by his given name when the two of you were on your own but this was the first time he had requested you to say it before you got a chance to speak it.

He beat you to the punch. How unlike him.

You blushed, arching your back into his touch as he gripped your waist and drew you close to him to warm you up, heat flooding to your lower regions without permission at his low voice. "Mezo."

He groaned, his head falling into the crook of your neck at how intimate his name sounded when it fell from your lips. Physical affection wasn't rare between you two, but it largely remained platonic.

Until now. He couldn't suppress it any longer.

Capturing your lips in a heated kiss, he moved over you, unable to stop himself from pinning you to the couch.

"Ahh~" You moaned as he detached himself from your lips, keening as he continued down, pushing his jacket out of the way for better access to your neck. You weren't against this, but it was going too fast. You wanted him to slow down so that you could at least see him. "M-Mezo, w-wait..."

Stifling a groan, he reluctantly parted from your skin, catching your gaze.

Worried he had made you uncomfortable, he questioned, "Do you not want this?"

After you shook your head so violently that he was surprised you didn't knock into anything, he raised an eyebrow when you didn't express anything else.

"Then what's wrong?" Shoji asked lowly, voice gravelly and giving away just how much of an effect you had on him.

You bit your lip shyly at how you probably looked. Spread out for him, flushed to the core and panting. Your mind was racing. He had kissed you.

"S-Someone could walk in," You objected, stammering as you were only half aware that you guys were in the common area. "Don't you think we should— holy shit!!"

While you were protesting, he took the opportunity to latch onto the sweet spot under your neck, sucking harshly.

You couldn't help but whimper, your hands splayed against his broad chest as he continued to paint your skin with splotches of purple and pink.

"Mezo, come on, we should— eep!!"

Fed up with your objections as it hindered his passionate onslaught to your supple skin, Shoji hooked your legs around his waist, his huge hands cupping your ass as he practically sprinted to his room.

This time, your lips descended onto his, connecting the two of you together all the way there. You rocked against his hard-on pressed in between your bodies, moaning into his mouth as your core throbbed with need.

A growl ripped from the back of his throat as you did, and he leaned down to lay you on his bed, never separating himself from you for a second.

Cupping his face with both of your hands, you parted your lips, letting him explore your hot cavern. He slotted his body between your hips.

The two of you groaned in tandem as one of your hands slithered down to cup the stiff bulge and you whimpered when he pressed his knee against your clothed core. The pressure made slick pool in your panties and caused it to stick uncomfortably to your wet folds.

"Y/N..." He breathed shakily, his eyes clouded, giving away how much you affected him. "Can I—"

"Yes, please." You cut him off, unable to wait a second longer. "Please, Mezo, fuck me?"

Shoji's eyes widened and his cock got impossibly harder, straining against the confinements of his pants as he heard you beg for him. Beg for his cock to fill you up.

Fuck, that was so hot.

Your core was already throbbing with the need to have him inside of you. If he didn't do something soon you were sure you were going to combust.

Seeing his hesitancy as his fingers danced along the waistband of your pants, you quickly got tired of waiting and undressed by yourself, throwing your clothes in an uncaring heap onto the floor.

His eyes grew round in awe as your bare skin, breasts and that special place between your legs was revealed for him to freely drink in as you laid out before him, not an ounce of shame coloring your cheeks, save for the pink tips of your ears.

Cute.

Your back arched as his mouth latched onto one of your nipples, his big hands kneading the soft flesh, going harder when your response spurred him on. You whined as he flicked the pebbled tit, crying out as he bit down on it gently, a shock shooting through your system.

Shoji was studying every single one of your reactions to his touch, drinking it up as his eyes devoured you with barely restrained hunger.

"So... you like to be treated roughly..." He mused as he pulled upwards, your body following his touch as he let go of your breasts abruptly. "That's very interesting."

You whimpered in protest but that faded as he took his shirt off, the defined and sculpted muscle enough to make you forget what you were about to complain about. He was ripped, his torso flexing powerfully as he threw his shirt in the direction of the growing pile of clothes.

Licking your lips, you pulled him down to his level as he hastily undid the button of his pants, shoving it just past his hips so that his cock sprang free.

Your jaw dropped. He wasn't wearing underwear?!

Aside from that, he was fucking huge. How was even going to fit inside of you?!

You weren't given any time to dwell on his size as a finger probed your entrance. Your hands shot down to his wrist instinctively.

"M-Mezo, I'm s-sensitive—!!"

You cut off with a cry as he slipped it in, stretching you out.

Shoji closed his eyes, trying to restrain himself but you were just so hot and tight, pulsing around his finger like nothing else he ever felt.

"Is it too much?" He asked caringly, kissing you to ease you through it. You were unbelievable tight, he could already feel you clenching down on his single digit. "Do you want to stop?"

If your mind wasn't clouded with lust, you would've picked up on the subtle teasing lilt of his voice, as though he already knew what you were going to say.

"No..." You protested, squeezing your eyes shut, unknowingly doing exactly what he expected.

You could take it. You wanted him to make you take it.

Your eyes widened as he cursed behind you and that was when you realized that you said that last part out loud.

Oops. You were really in for it now.

You gasped in surprise as his hands released your wrists, but it was only temporary as he hooked your legs around his waist before he was immobilizing you again. Struggling slightly even though you were clearly overpowered, you begged for him to let you touch him before you died but he refused, shutting you up with a passionate kiss that stole your breath away.

Your body lurched and you wailed as he finally sank into your cunt, moaning and panting like a dog in heat as he sheathed his massive member all the way inside of your spasming channel.

A broken whimper of his name fell from your lips as his hips finally pressed flush against your ass, mewling as his balls rested against your puckered hole. You buried your face into his neck, ashamed of your reaction. He had barely done anything yet and already you felt like you were on the brink of cumming.

"Mezo—" You warned breathlessly, mouth gaping at the sheer size of him, your hole struggling to adjust. "Ngh!!"

Shoji braced himself up on his forearms, swearing under his breath as you clamped down around him. His fingers laced with yours from where he was still pinning your arms over your head, bending down to kiss you in order to distract you from the stretch.

You were hot, tight, and squeezing him with so much force, he already felt like he was going to cum. Stuttering out your name, he hissed as you clenched around him again.

"Y-Y/N, stop— don't do that." He begged, one of his hands fisting in your hair as he held onto his last thread of restraint while you adjusted to his size.

"C-Can't help it, Mezo." You whimpered, scratching his broad back as you fought the urge to arch your hips, knowing that was just going to encourage him to move before you were ready. "You... You're so big."

He had never prided himself on things like this, by how much he received praise or compliments from others so that he didn't have to question the authenticity of it, preferring most times to simply acknowledge it then let it go so that it didn't go to his head.

But he couldn't help it with you. There was something about the way you said it that ignited a flame of passion inside of him and it could not be put out.

Your nails dug into his back and a moan ripped from your throat as you felt him swell inside of you, catching on your walls without even trying.

"M-Mezo?!" You cried out in shock. "Why are you getting, oh fuck—"

A guttural groan sounded in the empty space and he let go of you, straightening up.

"You're so tight and warm." Shoji moaned, his left hand fisting the sheets as he gave a few experimental rolls of his hips, the other caressing your hip while his eyes fixated on where the two of you were joined together. "You feel like heaven, Y/N."

You squeaked in mortification as he said that, clapping a hand over your mouth as he thrusted into you harder, unable to contain the sounds spilling out of your mouth any longer. He felt so good inside of you. Pulsing and hot, thick and hard, it was a wonder how you were delirious with pleasure on his cock.

"Fuck..." You hissed through clenched teeth, your eyes tightly screwed shut.

Shoji stilled instantly, worried he had hurt you. His eyes scanned over your flushed face in concern.

"Are you alright? Do you want to stop?" He asked quickly and would've pulled out of you if your legs didn't lock around his hips, preventing him from even thinking about it a second longer.

You desperately shook your head then yanked him down to your level.

"Go fast, Mezo, fuck me hard." You pleaded. "Please."

There was no time to feel embarrassed by the words that came out of your mouth as he obliged instantly. Stars blinded your vision and you arched into his touch as he fucked you with a vigor that wasn't present before.

Shoji slammed your wrists down above your head and he kissed you hard, all of it teeth and tongue as he licked away your whimpers before they could break the symphony of wet skin slapping against skin that broke through the still atmosphere of his room.

Both of you were glad everyone was gone for the day because with how much noise you were making, it was clear what was going on.

His lips glossed over your pulse point, licking and sucking at the flushed skin there, marking you once again.

You shivered at the sensation of having him pressed against you and yet still attending to you with the same care you had come to expect from him. Your best friend now turned lover. If this was going to be more than a one-time deal.

"Mezo!!" You cried out as he finally pulled away from your neck, satisfied with the purple that bloomed there.

Shoji's teeth sank into your shoulder as he came deep inside of you, painting your walls with hot, thick and sticky ropes of cum.

You whimpered as he emptied in your ripe cunt, his release setting off yours and the powerful shockwaves of your orgasm crashed over you like a tsunami, causing your body to tremble uncontrollably. The copious amounts of his cum leaked out the instant he pulled out of you and your hole fluttered, no longer having his length to stuff you to the brim. You felt a bit sad now that you were left empty, and sat up, thinking that you guys were done.

How wrong you were.

You didn't have to look down to see that he was still hard as his cock pressed against your inner thigh the moment he kissed you again.

"Mezo?!" You shrieked, moaning wantonly against his lips as he moved over you once more. "How are you still hard?!"

He groaned, obviously in discomfort for having been denied even though he just came. "I'm sorry, Y/N, I need to cum again to make it go down."

Your tongue darted out to wet your lips at the sight of the leaking head and you moved to try and suck him off, wanting nothing more than the taste of him on your tongue as he shot his last load inside your mouth but he shook his head and stopped you short.

"You don't have to do that." Shoji said quickly, his cheeks flushing pink as he imagined you with your ass up as your cheeks were stuffed with his cock. Fuck, you'd look so good like that. But he had something else in mind.

Your eyes had glazed over a long time ago from the pleasure that he delivered to your system.

"I want to." You implored, batting your eyes at him, pupils blown wide.

Shoji surged forward, kissing you harder than last time and you melted into his touch. Any other time, he wouldn't fight you on it. But he didn't want to make you work any harder, even if it looked like you really wanted to suck him off. For now, he was content just to see you like this.

Spread out in front of him for only his eyes to see.

"Can you lay like this, Y/N?" He asked, gently maneuvering you onto your tummy and perking your rear up as a hand trailed down your spine to get you into the position he wanted to see you in. "I'll finish quickly."

You moaned quietly, still turned on and horny from before. Even though he had satisfied you so completely, there was a part of you that still longed to have him again.

You wanted him to stuff his cock in you like this.

So you couldn't help but mess with him a bit as the slick sounds of him jerking himself off started and breathy moans fell from his lips. You could go another round for him.

Poking out your ass a bit more, you smiled to yourself as his breath hitched and his movements stuttered. Swaying it from side to side purposefully to entice him, you were shocked when it worked a little too well, bringing out the beast in the tame boy that was your best friend.

Your eyes shot open and your jaw dropped open in a soundless cry as he pushed into you without warning, sinking his fat cock balls-deep into your pussy still quivering with the aftershocks of your last orgasm.

"Mezo!! Ahhh—" You cried out, caught off guard but unbelievably turned on so much that it filled you with shame.

A messy mixture of your juices and his thick cum pushed out of you as he rammed into you all the way to the hilt and all the oxygen disappeared from your lungs.

The sloppy sounds of your cunt making as he fucked you into his bed had you gripping onto his pillow and slamming it against your face to curb all the noises that were tearing from your throat.

It was yanked out of your grasp a second later.

"Don't hide, let me hear you." Shoji begged, unable to help himself from shoving his cock into the deepest parts of your little cunny. You looked so pretty spread out underneath him like this, at his mercy entirely as he pinned you down. Your arousal ran down your thighs as he continued to fuck you, his fat cock stuffing your hole perfectly.

Like you were made for him.

He threw his head back, he redoubled his efforts to make you feel as good as your pussy was making him feel.

"You look so beautiful when you're taking my cock like this." Shoji whispered to himself in awe, disbelieving that his dream was finally coming true after all this time as he watched his length disappear into you over and over again, completely entranced. "Feels so good, hhgh—!!"

Your hole fluttered around his thick girth, struggling to take his size as he pumped in and out of you at an alarming speed.

Whining, you could do nothing else but take it as he pounded you raw and rough, his hips slapping into your ass with a vigor that blanked your mind and left you gasping at the sensation.

Your wrists, still pinned down by his hands as his duplicated gripped your hips for stability as he got you closer to that peak, strained against his strength as the pressure built up in your stomach. "Mezo...'m gonna... gonna—"

"Gonna cum for me, pretty girl? Cream your cunny on my cock?" Shoji murmured, reducing his thrusts to sharp ruts, focusing all his attention on that little spot that made you see stars. "C'mon, give me one more. I need it."

That did it.

Your orgasm washed over you and your eyes rolled into the back of your head, your body trembling violently as he continued to push your limits, pumping in and out of you erratically before emptying himself into you with a deep groan.

Face flushed and eyes glassy, stilling rolling back from the throws of the intensity of your orgasm, you panted, twisting back to meet him in a kiss much softer and more loving than all the previous ones.

Now that his pent up frustration had been dealt with in the best possible way, he pulled out of you with a soft grunt, kissing you wordlessly when you whined at the loss of him.

Shoji hushed you softly as he cleaned the mess dripping out of you with a warm washcloth, urging you to go to the bathroom.

You couldn't stand up though, lacking the strength after that very thorough dicking down he gave you. Legs like jelly, you would've collapsed to the floor if he didn't catch you in time, pulling you up to his chest to carry you the rest of the way.

You hid your face in the crook of his neck as he took care of you, seeing as how all your energy was depleted. Slapping his chest halfheartedly in embarrassment as he chuckled when you jolted as he cleaned the sore but achingly sensitive bud between your legs.

Shoji nudged your ear with his nose, murmuring softly. "Are you alright?"

You hummed, eyelids heavy as you started to drift off.

He kissed the top of your head before bringing you back to bed so that you could take a nap. Somewhere between the walk from his bathroom to his bed, you stirred, arising from your light slumber only to be met with a concerned expression.

"Calm down, Mezo," You giggled, pecking him on the lips softly. "I'm good."

His shoulders slumped in relief. He was kind of worried he had broken you after a session like that. Scratching the back of his neck once you laid down, he hesitated before speaking.

"Don't worry me like that again. You're too reckless for your own good." He told you, anxiety resting heavy on his features.

You wiggled your eyebrows at him suggestively. "I don't know... That was a pretty good punishment if you ask me."

Shoji rolled his eyes but a hint of a smile played upon his lips. "I'm serious, Y/N."

Your smile disappeared and you nodded solemnly, sheepish now that you had been chastised.

"I know, I'm sorry." You apologized quietly, remorseful. You hadn't meant to worry him or any of them really. You honestly thought that you could handle it.

You had fought villains before, you thought you could tame a few punk kids who were bullying your little brother. You almost felt ashamed that they had managed to best you.

The initial idea was to capture them and report them to the authorities, since they were a part of a crew who liked to rob stores for fun, but the tables turned on you when they freely used their quirks on you.

Luckily, you had been able to dodge most of them, only sustaining minor damage from an attack you hadn't avoided in time.

Shoji knelt down by the bedside and your brow furrowed when he didn't climb under the covers with you.

"Mezo?" You squeaked when he engulfed you in a hug, all your insecurities melting away as his warmth flooded you.

He trembled as you said his name but otherwise didn't move. Instead, he mumbled something against your neck and you laughed.

"I can't quite hear you." You teased him, prying him away to get a good look at his eyes. They were swirling with an unknown emotion and you swallowed hard. "What's wrong?"

Shoji stared at you, his gaze boring into your soul as he took down all your walls you had built up around your heart to protect yourself with an ease that shocked you.

"Rely on me." He murmured, lacing his fingers with yours and gulping at how small your hands were compared to his. "I want you to rely on me like..."

You couldn't breathe. It sounded like...

"Like what?" You prompted breathlessly, not daring to hope that he was going to say what you so longed to hear from him.

His cheeks pinked and he turned away from you. "Nothing."

Your heart sank into your chest and you visibly deflated.

"Oh..." You said softly, expression saddening when he refused to look at you.

Gathering the sheets around you to cover your naked body, you suppressed a shiver as the cold air got through and you blindly reached around for your clothes on the floor.

Shoji's mouth pressed in a hard line and he shook his head. Any other time, he would be there to help you but not now. Not when his mind was racing with the possibilities of what could go wrong if he confessed his true feelings for you right here and now.

It was overwhelming him and he felt overtaken by fear that you would reject him, destroying the close friendship you had.

But...

"Y/N."

You straightened up, fumbling with the sheet as it accidentally slipped. But you blushed when Shoji draped his shawl over you, his scent filling your nose and you tripped over your words, thoroughly flustered for some kind of explanation as to why you were reacting like you were back in your first year of high school.

"I like you."

You balked, jaw dropping open in shock.

Shoji actually jumped back, startled as you swore in front of him.

"You're kidding."

His brow furrowed in confusion and he crossed his arms. "No, I'm perfectly serious."

You shook your head. There was no way that he, the coolest, most respectable and kindest guy you have ever met and had the privilege of calling your best friend, liked you back.

But judging by that affronted look on his face, you might've jumped to conclusions too soon.

Warily, you approached him, abandoning the search for your clothes.

You hastily apologized. "I'm sorry, I guess it's hard to believe how someone like you would be interested in me."

Now in front of him, you had a chance to see how much he towered over you. It was different from when you would hang out in each other's rooms where he would crouch down on the floor or sit on a chair so that the height difference wasn't so obvious.

But you felt safe as he curled his arms around you tentatively, even though it was such a contrast to how he was fucking the brains out of you earlier.

"Well, I do." Shoji murmured into your hair as he brought you in for a hug, firm and unyielding in his feelings for you even though you had yet to say anything.

You hadn't said it back but you hadn't shot him down either. He didn't know if it was foolish to hope for a chance that you would want to be with him too, or perhaps, oh no, had he made you uncomfortable?

Maybe you weren't saying anything because you didn't know how to reject—

"I like you too." You mumbled into his chest.

This time, Shoji was the one to do a double take. "Y/N?!"

"Oh hush." You said, hiding your face from his frantic gaze so that he couldn't see how red your face was. Confessing feelings was exhausting and now you wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed with your new boyfriend.

Shoji's chest rumbled underneath your fingertips and just when you thought your face couldn't burn anymore out of embarrassment and shyness, he leaned back and tipped your chin up.

"I'm glad you return my feelings." He smiled, a pure smile that radiated the most wholesome level of happiness possible and your heart skipped a beat.

You found you mirrored his joy instinctively, it was contagious. And when he closed the distance to kiss you once more, it sealed a pact that would stay forever and could never be broken.

"I think I'll have to be more reckless from now on." You breathed when he finally pulled away and a small pout formed on his lips.

"Y/N..." Shoji warned, not finding your joke funny in the slightest.

You giggled, looping your arms around his neck as you stood on your tiptoes, booping his nose with yours. "I'm kidding, but I do think it was worth it."

He raised an eyebrow. "And why is that?"

You grinned, a cheeky smile that told him he hadn't seen the last of your mischief.

"Because it finally got you to confess."

Taglist: @katsukis-sad-angel

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mellowswriting · 3 years

Note

I saw that requests are open! would it be possible for you to write a follow up to Second Chances with javi and reader? Maybe you have another kid and this time javi is able to be there for you throughout the whole pregnancy, and get to experience the first kick, you giving birth, etc (I am a sucker for domestic!javi if you can't tell haha) I think it would be really cute!!

From the Beginning

pairing || Javier Peña x afab!Reader

summary || Javier gets to experience the chaotic excitement of welcoming a new baby to the family.

word count || 6,466

warnings || kid fic, pregnant reader, non-graphic childbirth, some spiciness but no smut, dad!Javi being adorable

a/n || I can’t even express how much I love writing about the boys as dads, especially Javier! I really hope you all enjoy this, it was so very much fun to write.

Main Masterlist | Join the taglist!

Early spring mornings always had a special quality about them. The air was never too hot, pleasantly warm with a hint of a cool breeze that still lingered from winter’s sharp grip. Plants were beginning to bloom, the trees regaining their bright green foliage that ruffled in a symphony with every pass of the wind. Spring was the bringer of warmth after the ice and snow, the nurturer that coaxed seeds to sprout and flourish, the guide for new life and hope.

Ironic, then, that those very qualities you had grown to love were the ones causing you so much inner turmoil that you couldn’t even enjoy the gorgeous morning happening around you. You hadn’t even realized what was happening at first. Mother nature hadn’t exactly gifted you with a cycle that could be easily followed and predicted. Instead you had the supreme pleasure of having to carry around menstrual products everywhere you went and having to replace your underwear far more often than usual. So when you went two months without the waves of cramps and frustration of your period, it wasn’t all that remarkable.

It was when you were doing some last minute grocery shopping the night before that you realized something was off. Well, more off than usual. The sight of the shelves of tampons made your stomach bottom out with realization. You must’ve made quite a sight as you stood in that aisle with a cart half full of food, just staring at tampons with dread. Two boxes of pregnancy tests got tossed in with the various other items in your cart and you hoped that Javier was too tired from work to insist he help you put away the groceries.

For once, the universe appeared to be on your side. Your husband was sitting on the floor with Elianna, a spread of coloring books and crayons scattered on the living room carpet, and he actually listened to you when you waved him off to carry the bags in yourself. The tests were tucked away in the bathroom behind your tampons - ironic, yes, but it was the one place Javier really wouldn’t be poking around.

Honestly, a part of you felt bad for not telling Javier right away. He had more than proven himself as a great father and husband in the nearly two years since he returned to your life. Those irrational little fears of him leaving you and little Ellie had been crushed into nothing in the wake of the role he readily took on with his daughter, but this was different. Maybe it was pretty naive of you to not have that conversation with him, but it was something you thought you still had time for.

The plus sign on the pregnancy tests told you the time for that conversation was now, apparently. You were grateful for the timing of your little realization. Saturday mornings saw the standing trend of your sister whisking Ellie away for some ‘auntie and niece time’, and you really didn’t want her to feel the tension you were carrying. She was such a perceptive little girl that had an eye for everything.

Javier was still asleep. You usually slept in with him on the weekends, but you were restless to find out if your period was just pulling a fast one on you or if you actually were pregnant. Now you had four positive tests sitting in front of you and a sleeping husband who you couldn’t decide whether or not to wake up. Luckily, you ended up not having to make that choice since two sharp raps of his knuckles against the bathroom door snapped you out of your trance.

The door opened a millisecond after you snatched up the tests and hid them behind your back, not so unlike Ellie when she was hiding a treat she wasn’t supposed to have yet. The difference was that you didn’t know if this would be a treat to Javier. He was still half asleep, his thin pajama pants slug low on his hips and his eyes squinted against the bathroom light.

“G’morning,” He grunted as he moved to shuffle past you. “Move over, I gotta piss.”

You were rooted to the spot, though, your brain floundering to gain control of your muscles. “Uhm…”

“What’s wrong?” Javier slowly perked up through his sleepy haze at the realization that you looked downright terrified. He put his hand on your bicep and squeezed slightly. “Is Ellie okay?”

“What? No, yeah, Ellie’s fine. She’s with Amelia.” You spluttered, cringing at your inability to function.

“Then why do you look like you’ve seen a ghost?” Javi pressed. There really wasn’t any hiding things from him. Ellie must get that sharp eye of hers from her father. “What are you holding behind your back?”

You tried to swallow down the thickness that enveloped your throat to form some sort of words, literally anything to convey to him what the hell was going on, but your body was seized with fear. So you held out the tests wordlessly. His eyebrows furrowed as he took the bundle of tests from your hand, staring at them with a split second’s confusion before it dawned on him. “This…? You…?”

“Yeah.” You whispered. The worry in your voice must’ve been obvious because Javier was on you in a second flat, his arms crowding you into his chest with a crushing strength.

“You’re pregnant?” Javier croaked into your neck and the dam of emotion in your chest crumbled. His voice was full of excited disbelief, and relief crashed over you.

“Yeah, I am.” You said with a tearful chuckle, winding your arms around him to burrow yourself even further into his chest. “I know we never really talked about having another kid but… is this something you want, Javi?”

“Fuck, this is ironic.” Javier laughed quietly and when you looked up at him, he avoided your eyes with an almost bashful look. “I was gonna ask you today if you ever thought about it. Do you have any idea how many times I went over it in my head?”

You couldn’t help it - you cracked up laughing. The whole thing was almost ridiculous - the both of you worrying despite wanting the exact same thing. Tears of relief and laughter soaked into his t-shirt as you both broke into chaotic laughter, fingers clutching at each other’s shirts as you tried to catch your breath.

“So, uh… are we doing this?” Javier sounded nervous, his hands rubbing up and down your back as if to reassure himself. “You really wanna have a baby with me? Again?”

“Yeah.” Your voice was choked with a tense mix of emotions, so you cleared your throat and tried again. “Yeah, I do.”

“I can’t… fuck, I can’t believe you - you’d… thank you.” He babbled, nearly unintelligible in his scramble to convey how fucking grateful he was, but you knew. It wasn’t the first time you had heard the desperate need to spit words he couldn’t really find, the words that matched the swell of emotions in his chest that still wasn’t used to voicing. “Fuck, Ellie’s gonna be such a good big sister.”

That choked you up more than you expected. She really would be, you knew that for a fact, but it was a dream you had boxed up and shoved on a shelf with all your other unrealistic dreams for your future. Never in your life did you let yourself really think you could have the whole package deal - the loving (albeit gruff) husband, the big house, the sound of little feet chasing each other through the halls…

“Wait, how long have you been…? Or do we have to see a doctor first? Oh shit, we have to find a doctor for you, what the fuck are they called..? A fucking... obstetrician!” Javi rambled in a mix of nerves and excitement, breaking from your embrace to pace the length of the bathroom. “How are you feeling? Are you okay? Is there anything I can do to help, because -”

“Javi, breathe!” You calmed him with both hands out to stop his walking and braced your hands on his shoulders to rub at him firmly. “We have plenty of time, okay? Let me go make some coffee for you and we can sit down and make a plan. First, didn’t you have to go to the bathroom?”

“Oh… yeah.”

----------

Javier couldn’t stop bouncing his knee. It was a subconscious thing, something he stopped the moment he realized but soon found it moving of its own volition all over again. He really was trying not to let his nerves show even though he knew that you could tell. It was all so new to him, which wouldn’t be a problem if the reminder didn’t gut him every goddamn time. He couldn’t imagine how alone you must have felt the first time around when you were pregnant with Elianna, especially in these cold, sterile doctors offices.

His grip tightened on your hand. The feeling of your fingertips pressed against the top of his hand kept him grounded, helped him remind himself that there was no going back and changing everything else that happened. All he could do was be there this time around, be the best version of himself that he could be for you and his kid - well, kids now. Plural. The excitement was almost enough to drown away the guilt. Javi really could barely believe that he was getting the privilege of experiencing this with you.

“I’ve seen files on drug lords shorter than all that.” Javier nodded at the pile of forms and paperwork you held in your lap and you laughed brightly. He preened a little at the sound. It was something he could never get enough of, that laugh of yours. “I love you.”

You looked up at him, the pen in your hand stopping its constant scratching for the first time in forever, and gave him a lopsided smile. “I love you, too.”

There was no way he wasn’t going to kiss you after that adorable little display. Your cheek felt soft against his palm and the little sigh of relief you huffed against him was addictive. Just knowing that he was an anchor for you made Javier feel so incredibly loved and important and all he wanted to do was imbue you with that same sense of security. He held you close, his hand slipping back to the back of your neck to keep you right where he wanted you, and gave you those soft little kisses that never failed to make you melt.

“Mrs. Peña?” A nurse called out and he had no choice but to let you go with one last peck against your lips. He followed you and the nurse into the exam room, nerves and excitement soaring even higher in his chest.

It was kind of fascinating, watching you answer the nurse’s barrage of questions. Questions about your medical history, how many pregnancies you’ve had, all about your menstrual cycle. The two of you went back and forth for at least fifteen minutes, tossing questions and answers back and forth like a tennis match. The nurse left with the promise of the doctor being in momentarily for an ultrasound.

“Come hold my hand?” You asked, and how could he deny such a sweet request?

“Of course,” He pulled a chair from across the room and settled himself next to the exam table, both of his hands wrapping around one of yours as he brought it up to his lips to kiss your knuckles. “So what happens now?”

“The doctor will give me an ultrasound. She’ll probably want to run some blood tests, too.” You sighed, obviously uncomfortable at the thought of needles.

“I’ll hold your hand then, too.” Javier promised.

“It’ll be good practice for you, ‘cause once I’m in labor I’ll probably break your hand.” You teased and yeah, broken fingers didn’t sound all that great but fuck, he was more than ready to let you do just that. Javier wanted to be your rock, wanted to support you through it all - especially since he couldn’t the first time.

Two quick knocks sounded against the door made Javier straighten up hastily. The doctor came in with a smile and a large machine wheeling in behind her. “Good morning, mom and dad! How’re we feeling?”

“All good here, Dr. Hall. A little nauseous, but still… good.” You gave Javier’s hand a little squeeze before letting go to unbutton your jeans and fold the waistband down, followed by pulling the hem of your shirt up. It was hard to believe that the beginning of an entire new life was right there between your hips.

“Good to hear!” Dr. Hall fiddled with the ultrasound machine for a moment before turning to you. “So today we’re going to take a look and find out how far along you are, make sure mom and baby both look healthy, okay?”

“Okay,” You and Javier said in unison, and he took your hand again, needing to feel you there with him.

The gel must’ve been cold based on the way you hissed slightly. Javier watched the screen as Dr. Hall trailed the wand over your belly, lips parting at the sight of the black and white image. It was hard to make out what exactly he was seeing at first, but the image shifted slightly and he could make out the tiniest, vague shape of the newest edition to his little family.

“It looks like you’re about ten weeks along.” Dr. Hall murmured without taking her eyes off of the screen. “Baby is about the size of a plum.”

Javier squeezed your hand lightly, the both of you sparing a glance at each other before staring back at the screen in wonder. The doctor pointed out the baby’s head and a little foot as she took her measurements, reassuring you both that everything looked perfect. He gave a rushed “yes, absolutely” when she asked if he wanted the ultrasound photos - there was a spot in his wallet that he had in mind for it already.

It wasn’t as if he hadn’t been in situations that left him shocked before. This was Javier Peña, after all. Life and career experiences had given him plenty of moments where his mind was completely washed blank with surprise, but never had it been such a good thing. There were so many times that the shock was accompanied by grief or anger, but excitement? Gratefulness? That was new to him, left him reeling the entire drive home, all throughout dinner. Something in the back of his mind nagged at him that he couldn’t be like this when Ellie got home the next day. She was smarter than he could’ve imagined any kid being at three years old and even though he agreed with your assertion that no one should know about your pregnancy for a few more weeks at least, Javier was certain his daughter would be able to needle it out of him.

Those expert interrogation skills must be hereditary.

It wasn’t until he was getting ready for bed that it really hit him how real it was, that you really were sitting in the bed you shared with him, pregnant with his baby and making plans for the usual Sunday brunch and park visit you all did every week. As he set his wallet on the nightstand, he couldn’t help but pull out the little ultrasound picture. He had a feeling he would be doing that a lot, especially when the new cadets were driving him crazy at work. It all swelled up in his chest, the appreciation and excitement and disbelief, because holy shit, how did he get so lucky? One finger traced the little image in his hand, and he couldn’t help but blurt out, “Thank you.”

The confused look you gave him made him flounder for the words.

“I just… I know everything was fucked up the first time around but I swear, it’s going to be different this time. I am not going anywhere.” Javier slid closer at the sight of the tears in your eyes, easily welcoming your arms around his neck as you practically drug yourself into his lap. He held you close to his chest, trying to instill the certainty and promise of it all. “God, fuck, and I thought I couldn’t get enough of you before…”

“Javi…” You croaked, laughing wetly into his neck.

“I’m serious! You’re gonna have to tell me to fuck off when you want space because I can’t keep my hands off you.” Javi teased, relief washing over him at your seeming acceptance of his promises. “And now like this, growing my baby… fuck, I am in this with you. Me and you and Ellie… and our little plum.”

That night, Javier fell asleep with his head on your shoulder, his face buried in your neck, and his hand tucked into the waistband of your sweatpants to cradle that precious space that held his newest child.

----------

Ellie couldn’t stop touting her new title to anyone who would listen.

“I’m a big sister!” She told the cashier at the grocery store, the other kids at the park and their moms for good measure, and even the mailman when they came by each morning. The brightness in her eyes when she said it made your heart flip in your chest. You had expected some sort of confusion or even for her to be upset at the idea of a new sibling, but she launched right into a story about how her friend from playgroup has a baby sister, and you knew that she would be just fine.

With your sixteenth week rapidly approaching, you couldn’t be more grateful that Ellie was excited for the new addition to the family. It was one less thing for you to worry about amidst the chaos of bringing a new person into the world. The fatigue was something you definitely didn’t miss about pregnancy - it washed over you without warning, left you nodding off wherever you sat. Thank god Javier was such a hands on father. He had no problem herding Ellie off into the backyard or off for a walk to let you get some much needed rest.

You hadn’t expected him to be such a hands on husband, though. Sure, you knew he was excited and you knew he already loved everything about your body, but he really wasn’t lying when he said pregnancy made him want you even more. Every night, Javi’s hands gravitated to your body to ease the kinks out of your muscles, to rub your feet until the aches went away, to cheekily offer you an orgasm if you were up for one. It made you feel cherished, something you sorely missed the first time you were pregnant.

“Thank you, Javi,” You groaned lowly as those strong hands of his worked at your lower back. He easily hitched your thigh up slightly to ease some of the pressure on the new swell to your belly. There was a slur in your voice when you said, “Feels so good.”

Javier chuckled behind you, moving on to rub your feet. “Be quiet, you don’t want to wake Ellie.”

“Did you ever see this being our life?” You murmured though your voice was muffled by the pillows you buried your head in. “Telling each other not to wake the kids, making bacon smiley faces for a toddler’s breakfast?”

“I didn’t think I’d actually get it, but I wished for it. Dreamt about how pretty you’d look all full of me.” Javi placed a teasing kiss to the inside of your thigh. “The real thing is so much better.”

You could only groan under his praise. His thumbs dug into the arch of your foot and rubbed in methodical circles, drawing another pleased groan from you that you muffled in your pillow. The pain slowly melted from your tired muscles under his thorough ministrations, leaving a pleasant warmth in his wake that made you all pliant and drowsy beneath him.

“How are you feeling, sweetheart?” Javi asked as he rubbed his hands up your calves and you smiled. You knew exactly what he was gunning for.

You eased yourself onto your back and reached out for him with both arms, bringing him forward with grabby hands that he could never refuse. Javier settled between your thighs, a knowing smirk on his face, and leaned down to kiss you deeply. “‘M feeling good, Javi.”

“You know I love making my girl feel good,” Javi murmured as he kissed down your neck, one hand trailing back and forth over your hip and thigh lovingly. “Can I make you feel even better?”

“Please?” You asked breathily and your husband was more than happy to oblige. The loose tank top you wore was the first to go, followed quickly by your shorts and underwear.

Javier set about lavishing your neck and chest with affection, his touch more gentle than usual on your oversensitive breasts, and once again you were struck by the surrealness of it all. The fact that this had begun in Colombia all those years ago as two coworkers using sex for stress relief and had blossomed into this beautiful life you shared together was a thing of dreams. But there you were, with Javier Peña making love to you, quietly as to not wake your daughter and gently as to keep you and your baby safe and happy, and you could barely believe it.

“I love you,” You choked out through the tears that sprung into your eyes and Javi sat up to look at you with a concerned expression.

“What? What’s wrong?” He asked, his eyes roaming all over to find the apparent source of your tears.

“Nothing’s wrong.” You tried to pull him back down to you but he didn’t budge, the concern unwavering.

“Then why are you crying?” Javier brushed a thumb under your eyes to wipe away the evidence of your strong burst of emotion.

“Because I love you,” You chuckled as you held his hand close to your cheek and pressed a kiss to the middle of his palm. “And I’m pregnant, so everything is a thousand times more intense and you don’t get to tease me for that.”

“I would never,” Javi muttered but the mischievous grin on his face betrayed him. “Let me make you feel better, baby,”

“I’m already better, Javi - oh,”

----------

Two o’clock in the morning was not an ideal time to wake up, especially since Javier knew that Ellie would be awake and full of energy by seven, but something felt off. Even in his unconscious state, he could feel the absence of you in bed and his mind nagged at him to get up and find you. The hardwood was cold beneath his feet as he wandered from the bedroom, finding the bathroom empty before he made his way down the stairs. You often would rest on the recliner in the living room when your back was bothering you particularly bad, especially since your center of gravity had so drastically changed the further along you got in your pregnancy - but you weren’t there either.

Before Javi could start really worrying, he heard the refrigerator open and found you peering into the illuminated fridge in search of… something. A pint of ice cream was already in your hand, a spoonful of it hanging from your lips as you browsed with a frustrated look on your face, and honestly… Javi loved how you looked. It was so domestic and sweet, the sight of you in your pajamas that barely covered your belly as you raided the kitchen.

Thirty-six weeks and four days. He could barely believe how much time had passed since he saw those positive tests. It felt like forever and the blink of an eye at the same time, and he was beyond excited to meet his newest little one.

“What are you looking for, sweetheart?” Javi asked after a moment of watching you helplessly search around.

The sheepish smile you gave him made his heart swell in his chest and he automatically opened his arms as you shuffled over to bury your face in his chest. “Your kid is driving me crazy with the cravings.”

Javier hugged you tightly, relishing in the way you relaxed against him. “Well, if they’re anything like me, they probably want those barbecue chips, then.”

It didn’t take long for him to get you herded back up to bed with the chips in hand and the sight of you sleepily munching away while burrowed in the blankets eased an almost innate need Javier had to see you safe and happy, all nice and taken care of in his bed. He climbed into bed once he was sure you didn’t need anything else, settling on his side with his head propped up against his hand to watch you despite his own sleepiness.

“Let your mama sleep, troublemaker.” He murmured to your belly as he rubbed gentle circles over the spots he could feel the nudges of his little one retaliating to their father’s stern words. “Need some lotion?”

“Hmmm, please?” You hummed.

Rubbing lotion into your skin was something Javi had taken a particular liking to. The first time he had seen you doing it yourself, he was quick to take over. That was the first time he felt his little one kick at his hands and he fell even more in love - something he hadn’t thought was possible. It was a good way to feel closer to you both, to his wife and the baby you were bringing into the world, and the way you dozed slightly as he helped you relax made him feel needed, like he was doing right by you. That’s all he ever wanted to do.

A nudge to the edge of his hand made Javier glance back down to where his hands were running all over your belly, but it was the sight of the baby rolling that made him do a double take. “Holy shit,” He whispered, hands frozen as he saw what had to be the imprint of a little foot or hand poke out before disappearing. “There really is a whole person in there.”

“You’re tellin’ me,” You grumbled, grimacing slightly at the feeling. “It’s aerobics hour, apparently.”

“That’s fucking crazy.” Javi tentatively resumed massaging the lotion into your skin. It was hard to fathom, the idea that your body was so capable of creating and nurturing a brand new life, and for the millionth time he found himself thanking the universe for letting him have this second chance.

----------

Gabriel Peña came early, quick, and with a sharp cry you were sure could be heard throughout the entire hospital. His little nose was scrunched up, his face all red from his wailing, hands curled into angry fists over his sudden eviction from the warmth and darkness he was accustomed to. It was a short labor, so very different from your first with Ellie for so many reasons but the biggest being the strong presence of Javier at your side. The moment the contractions began at the crisp hour of six a.m., he was alert and full of nervous excitement.

True to his word, Javier let you clutch onto him through it all - every contraction, every push, every angered grumble you threw his way for getting you pregnant in the first place. That sharp mind of his kept up under the pressure. He spoonfed you ice chips and let you use him for support as you rocked your way through particularly bad contractions.

There were tears in Javier’s eyes as he carefully set his hand on his son’s head, carefully musing the shock of dark, wispy hair on his head. You leaned your head against Javi’s shoulder, exhaustion, relief, and happiness warring with each other after hours of labor. You felt his lips press against your temple before he sniffled and whispered, “Thank you.”

Javier stayed by Gabriel’s side the entire time the doctors checked him over and cleaned him up, per your instructions, and he was the one to return your son to your arms. It was the most careful you had ever seen him, his movements slow and deliberate, eyes on the baby’s adorable, chubby face.

“Seven pounds, nine ounces,” Javi murmured as he drug a chair as close to your bedside as possible and settled in, his hand resting on your thigh. A disgruntled whine came from the baby wriggling in your arms and you smiled, knowing he was hungry and could probably smell the milk your body had been preparing to make for his arrival. You pulled the gown down to expose your breast, propping your arm with a pillow to better support him, and adjusted his latch to settle in.

“Nice latch, mama,” One of the nurses said as she finished settling the blankets around your feet.

“Not my first time at this rodeo.” You chuckled quietly. It had been a while since Ellie weaned but you still remembered the struggle of figuring out how to get a newborn to latch properly when you had no idea what you were doing. You set your hand over Javi’s, smiling at him when he blinked sleepily up at you. Neither of you had gotten much rest before Gabriel decided to make his appearance into the world. “Can you hand me some water, honey?”

“Of course,” Javi perked up with the small task you gave him. There wasn’t much he could do at this point, but you wanted him to feel involved, to feel like he was helping you, and even though his mere presence helped you relax, you knew he was an ‘action’ kind of man. He needed something to do to feel useful. He held the straw steady for you and everything, your sweet husband. “How’re you feeling?”

“Tired.” You answered honestly, leaning into his hand when he brushed stray hairs from your face.

“I know this wasn’t easy. I’m proud of you.” It was a simple statement but it hit you right in your chest. As excited as you were to have another baby, it was hard. Exhausting. He could see it all, how tired you were and how hard you were working just to carry on like normal through your pregnancy, and while he did everything he could to ease some of that burden, the plain acknowledgement of how hard you worked felt good.

“I love you so much.” You whispered, pulling his hand close to kiss his palm.

“I love you, too.” Javier leaned over the side of the bed and kissed you softly, careful not to jostle his son where he sleepily nursed against you. “How are our kids so damn cute?”

You huffed a laugh, which made Gabriel shift against you before settling back down, sighing suspiciously similar to his father. “It helps that their dad is incredibly good looking.”

“True,” Javi said, trying for that cocky tone you loved but you didn’t miss the pink tinge to the tips of his ears. Compliments always got him like that, all red-faced and adorable - though he would never admit it.

A short nap later and you had one very excited Ellie fidgeting in the chair next to your bed, impatiently waiting to meet her baby brother. Javier stood behind her, quietly reminding her to be careful as you helped keep the squirming newborn steady in her lap. Your heart damn near exploded when she began cooing at her brother and very gently touching his soft cheeks. She was enamored by him, asking so many questions that you and her father could barely keep up.

“Can we share my bed?” “No, he can’t sleep in your bed, baby. He has to sleep in a special bed in mommy and daddy’s room.”

“Does he get a special seat like me?” “Yep! Daddy’s putting his carseat in next to yours right now. You’ll get to talk to him the whole way home.”

“Is he gonna cry a lot?” “Yeah, he will. That’s how babies let people know they need something since they don’t have words like we do.”

“Can I share my crackers with him?” “Not yet! Right now, he only drinks milk.” “Milk? Like for cereal?” “Kind of, but it comes from your mommy.” “What?!” “You ate the same thing when you were a little baby, too.” “What?!”

The entire drive home was full of little Ellie chatting away at her baby brother, mostly about the stuffed animals she had at home that she promised to show him the moment they got home. There was a small smile on Javier’s face as he drove, his hand curled around yours on the center console. He practically radiated contentment and damn did it look good on him.

----------

For what felt like the millionth time, you woke before the sun had a chance to rise. Though this time, it was to the feeling of a full bladder rather than the sound of a hungry baby, so that could be counted as a small win at the very least. You tried to ignore the ache in your healing body as you stumbled your way to and from the bathroom, near silent in your movements even though you were half asleep. It was a well practiced dance, getting out and back into bed without waking your sleeping children.

But something was off. The sheets were cooler than usual, missing the fire-like heat that Javier radiated constantly. You sat up, blinking against the drowsiness and darkness to see your husband passed out on the rocking chair in the corner of the room with Gabriel curled up on his bare chest. Skin-to-skin contact was something Javier couldn’t get enough of. He told you how close it made him feel to his son and you couldn’t complain. It was a precious sight. Avoiding the creaky floorboards, you carefully covered Gabriel with a soft baby blanket and smoothed it down his back.

“S’wrong?” Javier mumbled, words slurred with sleep, his eyes barely cracking open. On instinct, his hands shifted over the little baby asleep on him to hold him closer, even more secure.

“Shh, nothing’s wrong.” You soothed as you gently tucked his curls back away from his forehead. “Go back to sleep.”

“M’kay.” And with that his eyes were closed, back to dozing like he was never interrupted in the first place. You were glad. Tomorrow was an early morning, and paired with all of the midnight feedings and diaper changes, you all could use some rest. So you laid back down, sleep dragging you back under swiftly.

Javier was practically bouncing with nerves just hours later, even though he was trying not to show it. It brought you back to that first appointment when you were pregnant, only this time he held a sleeping one-month old who he was trying not to wake up with his nervousness.

“I just want it to go well.” He grumbled when you asked if he was okay.

“It will.” You reassured him, rubbing circles into his knee. “They’re both perfectly healthy, the pediatrician will tell you that, too.”

You were right - then again, when weren’t you? Gabe was a healthy nine and a half pounds, strong heart and lungs, and good reflexes. Javier was hooked on the pediatrician’s every word, nodding along and giving you a relieved smile with each positive statement. And of course, Ellie’s rambunctiousness had the pediatrician and nurses completely captivated as she told them all about her preschool and the antics she got up to while they checked her over.

The pride on Javier’s face with every positive comment and reassurance that both of his kids were on track developmentally made your heart flip. You felt so beyond lucky to have this little family of yours, with two beautiful children and the man you always loved. It felt too good to be true sometimes, especially when Javi pulled you close for a tight hug and a kiss to the side of your head before he worked to get one wiggly Gabe back into his onesie.

One impromptu trip to the park later and you and Javier had two very tired kids on your hands. Ellie was already passed out by the time Javier pulled into the driveway but Gabe was quickly venturing into ‘overtired’ territory. He was grumpy, wriggling around in your arms like he couldn’t get comfortable, all the while giving little whines and grunts that threatened to turn into full on wailing. He didn’t want milk, he didn’t need a diaper change, he just wanted to sleep but was too frustrated to let a nap take him.

“Give ‘em here.” Javier offered and you freely handed him over. The postpartum fatigue was no joke, and even though it was lessening with each passing day, you were damn tired so you had no issue with letting your husband put the baby down for a nap. You curled up on the couch, not quite going to sleep but still letting your mind and body rest as you listened to Javi try to negotiate with Gabriel as if he were some sicario and not just a particularly stubborn baby.

“C’mon, little man. Just go to sleep. All of your problems if you went to sleep right now? Solved. Completely solved. Instead of crying you could just… go to sleep.” Javier whispered over the cooing and grunting of his son. “Oh, don’t give me that face, mister.”

You snorted a laugh - you knew exactly what face Gabe was pulling. His nose and eyebrows would scrunch up, lips pursed as he huffed angry breaths like a little baby bull. It was an exaggerated copy of the face Javier pulled anytime he was frustrated, which you found ridiculously adorable. Slowly, the grumpy grunts became more and more quiet until they disappeared completely, and a few moments later, Javier flopped down on the couch next to you with a sigh.

“Got him down.” Javi said as he pressed close to you, burying himself between the back of the couch and your body to press his face into your neck. A blanket of drowsiness must have settled over the entire house as both kids napped peacefully in their beds and you cuddled up to your husband in the living room. The both of you would doze until the sound of little feet on the hardwood or the sounds of a hungry baby woke you, and then it would be back on the grind of parenthood, but you knew… with Javier by your side, you could do it.

{Taglist}

@iamburdened @everyhowlmarksthedead @jenrebloggingfics @xserenax-13 @silverstarsandsuns @luminescentlily @peterpstuff @leonieb @lazybeeches @withasideofmeg @freeshavocadoooo @chattychell @ew-erin @i-ship-it-ironically @artsymaddie @mrsparknuts @wyn-dixie @notabotiswear @lunaserenade @jitterbugs927 @theorganasolo @the-witty-pen-name @northernpunk @lemonlime09 @la-lunaluna @andruxx @greeneyedblondie44 @bloodsuckingbastards @coldlilheart @gracie7209 @green-socks @paintballkid711 @lord-of-restingbiface @asta-lily @xgoldenjenny @mummifymecaptain @cjbtw @a-skov @himbotroy @xjsteph @marvelousmermaid @over300books @castleamc @darnitdraco @janebby @cannedsoupsucks @itssmashedavo @mtjoi @triggerhappyflygirl

#javier pena x reader #javier pena x you #javier pena #javier peña #javier peña x reader #javier pena fanfiction #javier peña fanfiction #narcos

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celamoon · 3 years

Text

Warnings: Crackfic...? almost? abuse victim, nsfw jokes. please be warned

Pronouns: They/them

Summary: Y/n L/n the unhinged genius of Vyn's patients. A mentally unstable being, the result of the Flora X testing. The same unhinged being that was let into the NXX to lead the searching for the drug.

Prompt: This post by @papellie (Ty for the prompt bestie <3)

Vyn did not have any patients he considered impossible. Well, almost none. He had Y/n L/n, the very unhinged chaos that considered his hardest patient. Someone whom one of his old friends had dropped into his hands because they were an impossible case.

Vyn only took the hardest cases, and you seemed to be the worst of his patients.

"Vynnie!" The patient grins at the sight of their favourite doctor. "Vynnie are you here to shove my medicine down my throat again? How about this time you shove your fingers down my throat-"

"Good afternoon Y/n," Vyn ignores your question. "We've changed your medication to a liquid."

"A liquid?" They tilt their head. "But water isn't a medication?"

"There are many more liquids other than water," Vyn smiles while pouring your medicine.

"Do bodily fluids count?"

"They do,"

"So like cu-"

"Drink up," Vyn shoves the cup to them, and they gag at the smell.

"It smells like the flora drug my previous doctors used to force down my throat," they mumble before downing it in one gulp. "You should really add some sugar or honey to the medicine Vinnie, it tastes disgusting."

Vyn freezes at the familiar name.

"What did you just say?"

"That you should really add some sugar or honey Vynnie," They grin.

"Before that."

"The medication smells like the flora drug I used to be forced to take as a child?" They tilt their head.

"Do you know what that drug was called?" Vyn raises a brow.

"Flora... X? Flora X," You mumble. "FLORA X!! Vynnie are you proud of me?"

Vyn's eyes widen in realization. No wonder you were so unhinged, you had been taking the very medication that was made illegal years ago. Which meant you were a lead into one of the dark pasts of Stellis.

"Say Y/n... if I were to let you out of the ward every once in a while... would you be willing to behave?"

"Vynnie I'm about as stable as a paper clip standing up straight." They blink innocently.

Vyn sighs. He would need to discuss with the NXX team about it.

"Which is... why I suddenly think we have a lead on the medication." Vyn concludes.

"Well that sounds reasonable to let her in," Rosa is the first to speak up. "She does have the lead we need,"

"But she's unhinged," Artem cuts in. "She might cause chaos."

"I mean as long as Vyn keeps her calm I think she could give us some useful information,"

"Why can't you just ask her?" Luke asks.

Vyn sighs. "I can't force anything out of her unless she says it herself."

"Is it in the contract?" Marius raises a brow.

"Yes."

"Then just let her join," Marius shrugs. "It's always so serious in here, having someone unhinged might crack some jokes every now and the...n?"

The other three glare at him.

"Well I think we can try meeting her in my office once to see if it works," Rosa pipes up.

"I..."

"Let's meet her in her psych ward," Vyn sighs. "I don't want her to trash your place."

Which brought us to today.

"Vynnie!" Thye grin. "You brought your friends!"

"They're associates," Vyn sighs. "Y/n meet MC, Luke, Artem, and Marius."

"That's second gen richie, law boi, and bestie," You point at Marius, Artem and MC. "That last one looks like a golden retriever."

The four look at Vyn and he sighs.

"Y/n they're here to discover more about the drug you took when young. Apparently it stops brain growth and has depressive side effects."

"OOOh is that why I tried to kill myself with a plastic cup last time?"

"She did whAT-?"

"Perhaps. It could also explain why you're my patient." Vyn smiles.

"That's right! Vynnie only takes the worst of the worst! ...You have really bad taste Vynnie. I'd rather be with the mentally stable," they shrug.

"Ah so Y/n?"

"Yes bestie?"

MC flushes a soft pink. "Do you remember much about the drug you used to take?"

"Uh so I think the tablets were pink at first, and then they successfully changed it to white... I could recreate it for you if you want? But only for you bestie, Vynnie is too mean." They pout.

Vyn sighs and the other three turn to look at him.

"re...create it?"

"Well they recruited me as a scientist first so I know the basic components of the drug but then they locked me up to force the medicine down my throat. It tasted ok but I think I lost control each time I had some-" They mumble. "Oh and of course I ran away and then some random man caught me and sent me to Vynnie's. He wasn't that bad though, he fed me some good food-"

"Wait wait," Vyn steps forward. "You know the components of the drug?"

"It tasted like the medicine you fed me the other day Vynnie," They grumble. "I also remember that the lab had really pretty water next to it. I think I ran down a hill to escape them."

The five look at each other and then MC speaks up.

"Y/n,"

"Yes bestie?"

"If we let you come with us, will you help us gather information?"

Artem frowns and you catch it.

"Law boi doesn't seem very happy about me coming along."

"Your mind works incredibly but the drug seems to have limited you." Vyn steps up. "I'll give you a nice room to live in."

"Idk Vynnie, sounds like bribery to me," They shrug.

"I'll bake for you-"

"Sold." they're glowing.

'... that easy?' they all sweat at your quick response.

"So all I have to do is gather information right?"

"We need to find out where the village is-"

"Up on a hill. Really tasty fish... uh crystal clear water and then I think I bumped into a crashed car on my way down the hill." You mumble. "I think the place started with O-"

"Opaline Village." Luke speaks up. "Is that it?"

"I think so~" you smile. "So Vynnie... when do I get to move out?"

"If you behave well the next three days I can get you out by the end of the week."

Your eyes glimmer.

You're an incredible actress, and an even better hacker apparently. Luke gave you three lessons on basic hacking and you broke into the Pax firewall quicker than he could.

"Ok so what now?"

"Can you get the locked files?"

"These?"

You even printed them out.

The group could only call you an unhinged genius from that point on.

"Your codename will be Flora."

"Wow you really named me after a drug huh Vynnie-" That earned you a smack in the head.

"King I can you order takeout?"

"Not to here-"

"Then to somewhere nearby! I'm hungry!" You reach for the knife in your drawer.

"ADJUCATOR!" Marius calls before you can end him.

Vyn shoves a pastry into your mouth and you continue working.

"We're heading to Opaline village today," MC and Luke tell you.

"Samples are in the third drawer in the fourth room after you turn left bestie~!" You sing.

What the hell?

"Vynnie what's for dinner,"

"What would you like?"

"Revenge," You blink.

"Rosa's working on that." He hums. "Food wise?"

"You-"

"I'm not edible," He deadpans.

"No but your-"

"I'll order pizza," Marius groans. You had been pulling all nighters in the office to crack down the firewall to the other files.

"Artie can you grab me a coffee on your way here?" You're on the phone with Artem now.

Vyn snatches the phone and sighs. "Don't get them any. They've been awake for nearly 72 hours now. I want them to crash asleep before they crash dead,"

"AWW VYNNIE CARES FOR ME!!!" You grin cheekily.

Artem brought you hot tea instead.

Then MC and Luke came back. You stood with the others as they watched MC get kissed by Huey. The child then ran up to you and hugged you.

"Thank you for teaching me how to break the firewall..."

The other five turned to you in shock.

"Love you Huey. Remember not to hack anyone unless you absolutely have to," You kissed him on the forehead. "Be good in school alright?"

"Okay..." He smiles.

Since when were you good with kids??

"So uh... we found the files," MC handed you papers and you grinned.

"My medical notes!"

What kind of Harley Quinn shit is this?

"So... what kind of abuse did they exactly go through?" Vyn stands next to MC as they watch you fight Marius.

"The files we read said that apparently at first they were fed the drug inside of their meal. Eventually they were locked up in a prison cell and turned into a complete test subject. They skipped three meals before they ran away." MC mumbles. "It's really sad."

Luke pulls you off of Marius and Artem hands you your morning coffee.

"Only you're dependable out of you all Artie..." You sigh blissfully after a sip. "Only you..."

Vyn's eyebrow twitches at the comment. MC can only look in amusement.

"Y/n you need to take a break." Vyn sighs.

"I get a break when I get revenge on that bitch who started drugging my food," You hiss.

"Even if I bake?"

"Depends what it is," You continue clicking, and you're focused.

"Then..." Vyn can't get himself to say it.

"Let's bet then," You mumble. "I break the firewall in the next hour you go on a date with me, if I don't then you can drag me to bed."

Vyn sighs. "Deal." He was really powerless compared to you.

Sure enough in 30 minutes, a cheer erupted in the headquarters. It sounded like your voice with Luke's.

"WE BROKE IN WE BROKE IN RAVEN WE BROKE IN!!!!" You screamed, your voice was hoarse from the lack of water.

The two of you are in an embrace, and Vyn's eyebrows twitch again.

"The all nighters..." Luke cries. "We did it..."

"VYNNIE YOU OWE ME A DATE!" You cried.

Vyn can only sigh. "When would you like to go out?"

You stand up, and you make your way to him.

"When I wake up." You proceed to crash dead onto the bed next to him. The NXX team then panicked for the next ten minutes because Marius thought you stopped breathing.

You slept for three days.

The NXX thought you died. Then you woke up and acted as though you didn't just die for 3 days.

"Good morning bestie," You're back on your computer again.

"Y/n you shouldn't be back on your computer after dropping dead for three days." MC panics. "Besides, Y/n you're going on a date today with Vyn right?"

"Yeah," You yawn.

"Do you want to dress up?" You strut to your closet.

"Oh look," You throw your closet door open. Lingerie and t-shirts and shorts. "Ah here's a decent outfit."

You toss together some clothes, and MC smiles. "Would you like me to help you with your hair?"

"Sure. Thank you MC," You smile.

The epitome of gender envy. Damn bestie you looked hot.

Vyn arrives a couple minutes after you finish getting ready.

"Vynnie!"

"It's... been a while since I've seen you dressed up," Vyn smiles. "Shall we go?"

You grin as he leads you to his car.

"What would you like to do?" Vyn peers at you.

"Can we bake at your place?" you fumble in your seat.

"Sure," He smiles. "What would you like to make?"

"Macarons?"

"Those are pretty hard Y/n... you sure?" He raises a brow at you.

"If I can hack a firewall then I can bake macarons." you grinned.

So turns out that was a lie.

"Vynnie ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚ " You whined. "Help me!"

"You didn't beat the egg whites enough," Vyn grabs the bowl from your arms and you rest your head on your palm.

"Vynnie the male wife..." You peered at him. "Vynnie would you marry me-?"

Clang

Vyn's caught off guard and drops the metal bowl. His glasses slide down slightly, and his lips are parted in shock.

"Sorry Vynnie," You reach over the counter to help him fix his glasses, and you beat the egg whites yourself. "Must've scared you out of your mind."

"No no," Vyn regains his composure and smiles.

"Dedication is hard," You mumble. "People change after time, and changes vary from person to person... betrayal plagues a person, and people that you once loved no longer love you back. Which is why Vynnie doesn't want to date right?"

Vyn pauses, and you hum in satisfaction.

"Ooh the egg whites are stiff." You turn the bowl upside down on top of your head and grin. "Shall we mix the two together?"

"Let me," Vyn folds the mixture in, and you hum. "Vynnie do you like MC?"

Vyn nearly drops the bowl again. He just couldn't get a break from your remarks. "Why are you asking?"

"When you came to pick me up your pulse was quicker than usual." You mumble. "Then when we got in the car and out of MC's sight your pulse slowed"

Vyn stops to stare at you now. "Is that why you were holding my wrist?"

"Luke taught me," You mumble. "To read people better."

"Unfortunately your hypothesis is wrong," Vyn smiles. "My heart did not quicken because of MC."

"Huh," You mumble.

"Could you help me put the batter in the piping bag?"

"Sure," You open a piping bag, and you open it for him to put the batter in. "Can I do the piping?"

"Sure," Vyn finishes filling in the bag, and you pipe the batter onto the tray.

"Vynnie why did your heartbeat go up then?"

Vyn stares at you. "Because I got to see you dressed up,"

You stumble and nearly mess up on a macaron shell.

"Vynnie teasing me isn't funny," You pout. Vyn smiles as he rests his cheek on his hand.

"But I was being honest," He beams at you.

"Vynnie!"

"Alright two hours"

"DON'T JUST CHANGE THE SUBJECT-"

"Siri please set a two hour timer-"

"VYNNIE!!!"

#vyn richter x reader #vyn richter #vyn x reader #tears of themis #vyn richter imagine #tears of themis x reader #tears of themis fanfiction #tot #My browser crashed halfway through writing this and I'm telling you I cried #also please be warned this is really long #ARGH MY PROGRESS WAS DELTED AGAIN AGHHHH #MY ENTIRE FIRST HALF #KILL ME #tot x reader

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imagines-hoarder · 3 years

Text

House Warming - Bucky Barnes

Summary: Hopping through some standout moments in making Bucky's apartment a place worth coming home to. (This definitely could have been a headcanon but I refuse to do headcanons at this time.)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Word count: 2.6 k

Warnings: fluff with a lil angst

A/N: I have finished all the assignments left for my degree and decided to sit down and write today. This is probably trash but idc because it has been written and therefore I may as well release it. It's been a while since I've written and years since I've truly tried dipping my foot into a different fandom, but I figured I'd give it ago. Please don't forget to leave comments, I love interacting with y'all. Thank you @bwbatta for the dividers! xoxox

Masterlist

It all started with a damn candle. A ‘sandalwood & vanilla orchid’ candle tucked away in a reused cyan jar.

“I found it at the art market down the street last weekend,” you said as you placed it in the corner of the living room window. “You know we have to support local business.”

“And I shouldn’t assume this is your way of telling me my place smells, right?” Bucky quipped from the kitchen island, a cup of coffee in his hand and a lazy smile on his face. He’d just gotten back from a 12-day mission with Sam, and the last thing he had on his to-do list was to buy candles.

The smile grew firmer as you put yourself into his arms. “Complete opposite, actually. I bought it cause I thought it smelled just like you.” You hid your face within his chest, and he thanked the stars that you couldn’t see the warmth rising in his cheeks. His barren apartment felt a little bigger with a candle in the windowsill.

From there it became decorative pillows… and a couch to hold them. The small living room had quickly become a mess by the time you both had brought it up to his fourth-floor apartment, furniture wrap and packing peanuts strewn everywhere.

“I still don’t know why you needed to buy a sofa this big,” Bucky grumbled as he leaned over the back of the beige three-seater, looking down at your splayed out across its cushions.

“Don’t get me wrong, babe. I love the transient bachelor look you’ve got going on here, but you need more furniture than an armchair,” you mumbled between heavy breaths as you tried to regain control from maneuvering the couch into the apartment.

“And the pillows?” A laugh fell from your lips as you watched him look at the indigo cushions with a remarkable amount of disdain. Who buys pillows made just to look nice on a couch?

“They add character.”

“I didn’t think character was an area we were lacking in. Transient bachelor, remember?” He walked around the couch and shifted you over so he could lay beside you. You instinctively curled into him as you both closed your eyes. For a second the place felt like home. “I also don't know how you plan for us both to fit on this couch every day along with the pillows.”

“Don’t worry about it,” You looked up from his chest with a mischievous glint that made his heart skip. “It’s a pullout bed too. I’m sure it’ll be firm enough even for you.”

The home improvements didn’t stop there, but Bucky refused to admit how much he enjoyed them.

He liked having a place and person to come home to. After you had bought neutral bedding for his room, you’d spent an evening putting together ‘his and hers’ trestle bookcases for either side of the bed. He’d try to keep up his crabbish demeanor as you argued that ‘you needed a place to set your books for when you slept over,’ and a side table could no longer contain the small collection you had spilling over. Even still, he couldn’t find it in himself to banter much about the minor changes you made to make the place feel lived in.

And God, did he love living with you around. Between missions, his continued therapy, and trying to find his place in a world that had tripled in opportunity since his youth, he knew that he never had to question who he was and where he fit in when he walked through that door. You still occasionally slept at your own apartment when he was away, but he could always count on you being asleep in his bed by the time he came home.

One toothbrush in a glass became two, and from there, hand creams, face masks, and cotton pads cluttered the bathroom counter, packed away in their clear containers. You had made sure to keep lavender bath salts on hand for the late-night baths you took together when he woke up in a panic, unable to close his eyes again for fear of falling back into a nightmare.

It took time and working through plenty of hesitation before Bucky could progress from sleeping on the pull-out sofa to the bed, but ever since, you found your nights attended by restlessness whenever you weren’t wrapped in his arms.

Once your lease was up and you had a lengthy conversation about your inability to rest without him, you quickly filled the apartment with brown boxes. Bucky had been no less than astounded by how much you fit into them. From then on, no nook or cranny was without a vase or shelf.

“How many mugs does one house need,” Bucky asked skeptically while he continued to carefully pull them from their paper wrappings.

“Oh, come on! They’re fun!” You exclaimed, wrapping an arm around his waist as you took the Charlie Brown mug from his metal palm. “Plus, we go through enough coffee around here to justify some extra mugs.”

After you put the mug into the lowest shelf of the cabinet, you busied yourself with filing away the spices one cabinet over. No matter how much he tried, Bucky couldn’t pull his eyes away from you, lost in your own world as you chipped away at unpacking your belongings, making yours his, and vice versa. The domesticity in the little things you did was something he could get used to, and he wanted to return the feeling of normalcy as much as he could. He was far from the average boyfriend, but you remind him that could be a good thing. You never wanted to be average, but in these small moments, as you both did what normal couples do, he felt that he could create a new normal with you.

“So your Christmas gift came in already, and it’s too big to hide.” Your awkward tone carried over the phone as he exited a station ten minutes away from the apartment. Even though his neck ached and the cold nipped at the top of his ears, he couldn’t stop himself from releasing a breathy laugh.

“I thought you said you were good at this gift-giving thing, doll,” he teased you as he maneuvered his way to your shared apartment.

“Oh, don’t you fret, baby. I am the best gift-giver in all of New York City. I just slightly miscalculated how big this thing was and have realized it won’t fit into our closet.”

He tsked with a smirk on his face. “If you say so.”

“Hey, you gave me my Christmas gift a week ago.”

“Yeah, that’s because I didn’t know if I’d be back before Christmas.”

“Well, you will be, and I’m glad you are,” your voice softened lovingly as he pulled out his keys to the front of the building.

Bucky had gotten used to your love, but he’d vow to never take it for granted. All the pain he’d endured had somehow led him to you, the person who didn’t see his broken pieces as a burden or a project but as a potential to be whatever he desired.

When he hung up the call and unlocked the apartment, his brows furrowed into one; the apartment was pitch black. It was only when he heard your soft footstep walking towards the entrance that his face relaxed.

Before he could even kiss you, you had your palms firmly placed over his eyes. “No peeking; your gift is in the living room.”

The uncertainty in what you could have got him made his stomach clench. “Is it an animal?”

You slowly dragged him through the front hallway, making sure to avoid crashing into the entryway storage table. “I’m sorry to say it’s not alive.”

“Is it a nice welcome-home spread with candles, fruit, and the pullout bed all set up?”

He could feel your eyes roll to completion. “Easy there, sergeant. That’s for later.” You pulled him down to sit on the couch, and he kept his eyes closed as you pulled your palms away, moving to turn on a lamp. “Okay, Buck. open up.”

When he opened his eyes, it took him a moment to understand what he was seeing nestled against the wall; when he did recognize it, he could only form two words “Holy shit.”

“Holy shit indeed.”

He was quick to stand up and cross the room, eager to get a good look at the walnut centerpiece. “Does it work?”

You scoffed as you moved to kiss his cheek. “What kind of girlfriend would get her ancient boyfriend a broken phonograph console?”

He didn’t even attempt to answer as he bent down to wrap his arms around you, his lips eager to find yours. “A fucking Magnavox radio and phonograph,” he mumbled against your lips.

“A working Magnavox radio and phonograph, you mean.” When you pulled away and saw that his face held a glow reserved only for special occasions, you knew you had made the right choice. “I’ve got some records wrapped up if you want to open those now too.”

You yelped in surprise as he picked you up and made his way towards your bedroom. “I’ve got something else I’d like to unwrap first.”

Bucky Barnes had grown up in a period when the average family could seldom afford nice things or much of anything at all. The Great Depression has resulted in the slogan ‘Make it do or Do without,” being ingrained into what memories he still had, and 'doing without' had become commonplace for the Barnes household.

That’s why every gadget and gizmo you added to your household left him in awe. For much of his life, including the decades he spent as a weapon for Hydra, he hadn’t been allowed to call anything his own; he was still getting used to living so plentifully, both in love and in life. But now, he could barely move and he thought it had all been taken away from him.

The attack was supposed to have been contained, at least three miles away from the apartment. Anything less, and he would have made you visit your family upstate instead of just suggesting it. By the time Sam had told him that there’d been some confirmed damage within a block of the apartment, Bucky was already on his way home. He couldn’t think of anything but the worse: you trapped in a collapsing apartment building or pulling up to find no building there at all.

He felt his lungs fill with air again as he pulled up to your building, completely intact regardless of the severe damage less than a five-minute walk away. It felt like both seconds and hours between when he parked his outside and unlocked the front door.

“He doesn’t have his phone on him, mom. How am I supposed to…” you trailed off from your call as he walked into the living room, turning your head away from the Breaking News report you’d been glued to for the last hour. “Wait, I’ll call you back. Yeah, I’m fine. I’ll call you back.” Your eyes never left his as he walked over to you, hanging up the phone with worry in your eyes. “Buck, are you oka-”

You couldn’t even finish your sentence before he pulled you off of the couch and into his arms. His grip was less reserved than he usually kept, but he made sure not to hurt you, eager to keep you in his arms, where he knew you were safe. A single tear fell from the corner of his eyes as he realized the real possibility that he could have lost you if you lived even 5 minutes closer to the attack. You stayed like that for a while, gathered tightly in his arms as you both settled onto the floor You didn’t push him to verbalize his fear; you already understood it. And it took this occurrence for him to realize he never wanted to experience this feeling again.

Bucky was quiet for the rest of the evening, and while it worried you, his fear had been evident enough not to require questioning. The city-wide cleanup had lasted all hours of the night; for the first time in all the years you had lived in the city, the sounds of the whirring of vehicles clearing debris off the street had been too close to ignore. The sun was rising before a single word was said between you and Bucky, tangled together on the sofa as the first ray of light made itself known.

“You’ve spent so much time piecing this place together, doll.” His voice was raspy. You know he hates when you see him cry, but his pain was always evident in his voice. “And it could have been all wiped away in seconds.” You let a heavy silence settle between you as you traced a pattern into his shoulder. He couldn’t bear to say it, but you knew what he meant: You could have been gone within seconds. “I just… I don’t ever want to feel like this again.”

You’d both gone through so much to make your relationship work. Nearly normal was as close as you would ever attain to being an average couple. The distance, the days without contact, and the ever-present fear that anything could pull you away from one another was something that had taken time to work through.

You looked around the living room and saw the place you had built together. There were photos and books scattered on any flat surface, a leftover mug half-filled with cold tea, and a record left out on the phonograph. The apartment looked like what love felt like; a messy combination of everything you and Bucky. But this apartment could not contain everything that ‘home’ was; only Bucky could do that.

The words fell from your mouth before you could restrain them. “Maybe we should move.”

Your eyes found each other, and you both sat in silence, though it felt lighter, invigorated with the new proposition.

Before he even responded, you could see tension dissolve from his shoulders. “Where do you want to move?”

You hadn’t thought that far ahead, only being able to provide him with a shrug. “I don’t know… maybe upstate, maybe somewhere else.”

“Your mom would like you being Upstate.”

“My mom would love us living next door too, but I don’t see that in the cards anytime soon.” You got a ghost of a smile for that.

“We could probably afford a house if we moved out there,” he said as he moved his lips to meet your forehead.

“Buck, I’d move anywhere with you. As long as we have each other, then we have all we need to rebuild this place.”

He pressed soft kisses to the crown of your head, and you swore you felt his chest flutter. “Tomorrow, I’m gonna look for some places, bigger ones too.” He tilted your head up to find your eyes, and you were sure that all of the love you carried for each other was incredibly visible at that moment. “You have made this apartment something worth coming home to. Now let me give you a house to make a home.” Your skin tingled with adoration as you pulled him as close as possible, burying your face into his neck.

You didn’t want to let go. You wanted to lay in this room, in this bed, and in this moment until the end of time, but you knew that something bigger and better was on the horizon for you and Bucky.

“All I heard is that you’re buying me a house.” His laugh was music to your ears.

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes oneshot #bucky barnes drabble #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes fluff

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luci-in-trenchcoats · 3 years

Text

If I Fell For You (Part 16) - Drowning

Summary: The reader’s night goes from bad to awful fast but thankfully Jensen shows up at the last second to stop things from getting any worse. But the guilt the reader feels over trying to end things with Jensen to protect him starts to become too much...

Masterlist

Pairing: Jensen x nanny!reader

Word Count: 5,600ish

Warnings: language, being drunk, minor violence, scary situations, angst, fighting, fluff, offscreen death of minor character, anxiety, panic attack, minor injury

A/N: This chapter is a whirlwind! Please enjoy and let me know what you think!

________

It was a close to an hour later and you were halfway through a bottle of bourbon, laying on the back porch of your mom’s house, staring at the rafters and debating finishing off the whole thing.

“Y/N?” you heard. Your skin crawled as you sat up, spotting your father at the other end of the wrap around. “Are you drunk?”

“This would be an appropriate time to tell you that yes, I am and I also have this,” you said, reaching behind your and picking up a hunting rifle. “I might be plastered but I think that’ll only improve my aim. I’ll be nice and shoot for your balls first.”

“You got so much wrong about me kid.”

You fired a shot near his feet and he held up his hands.

“Why don’t you go jump off a bridge or some shit,” you said.

“Y/N.”

You pulled the trigger as he took a step forward and he jumped when it hit the window nearby. You pulled again but it just clicked as he walked closer.

“Your new momma never taught you that kind of rifle only has two shots, did she,” he said. You tried to stand but got way too dizzy and fell down.

“Well I can still tear you apart with my teeth,” you said.

“You’re drunk and judging by your face, very upset. What happened to that boy you were with? I didn’t see him when I looked around.”

“Touch me and that boy will rip your head off.”

“This doesn’t have to be a bad thing,” he said, stepping far too close for your liking. You swung the rifle at him but he caught it and kicked the bottle away before you could get at it. “All grown up. Probably enjoy it now.”

You crawled back as far as you could, eyes darting behind him when you saw movement. You barely caught the brown hair and green eyes before your father was face first on the porch. You tried to stand but he yanked on your ankle and pulled you down hard. It took a long time to peel open your eyes again, your father now at Jensen’s feet. Jensen pushed down on his back while he talked on the phone to someone and it didn’t take long to hear sirens in the distance.

“For the record,” said Jensen as he walked over to you and crouched down, his belt around your father’s wrists, “I didn’t believe you for a second. Oh and you’re a dumbass but you’re my dumbass. Forever. Got it?”

“I couldn’t…” you trailed off. He nodded and took off his flannel, wrapping it over your shoulders. “I knew he would do something and I couldn’t have him near the kids or know they exist. I couldn’t-”

“I know, honey,” he said. “But don’t you dare ever do anything like that again.”

You put your head down sniffled, dizzy still as he rubbed your back before going back to watching your dad.

It took an hour or so before you could go home and you were sober enough to stand on your own.

“Can I ask why you made the executive decision that you did?” asked Jensen, holding your arm loosely as you got into his car to head back.

“Because I’m stupid,” you said dryly from the passenger seat as he turned on his SUV.

“I mean more so why didn’t you come to me if you were scared? Why make up a lie?”

“You did let me go. You must have believed me at least for a few seconds,” you said.

“No, I actually didn’t.”

“You let me go.”

He was quiet until you got close to the brewery, Jensen pulling off onto the plot of land he owned next to it. You leaned your head against the cold window and he turned off the engine.

“This whole, tired, don’t talk to me attitude right now? Been there. Lived it. I know it’s bullshit.”

“You let me leave so you did believe me so-” you said, Jensen pressing a finger to your lips.

“I am certain of very few things and you are one of them. I let you go so I could figure out what scared you so badly you’d lie, to me. There’s only one thing I can think of so before you even had a foot out of that house, I was calling people and I got put on with Detective Finn who worked your case as a kid and I find out that dick for brains sack of shit just moved practically down the street from us. It does not take a genius to put the pieces together.”

“Fine! I did it in some stupid attempt to protect you,” you said. You glared at him and he shook his head. “What?”

“I’m not gonna get mad at you.” You put your head back on the window and stared out to the dark trees, sniffling some. “Why do you want me to be angry with you?”

“Uh because I didn’t forget to turn on the washing machine or leave on a light. I lied. I lied so big that-”

“You lied to protect your family from a monster. Do I wish you had told me? Yes. But I fuck up so much and you’ve never once been angry with me for making a mistake and I’ll never be angry with you for making one either. I know you want me to be angry with you, feel like you should be punished for what you imagine is hurting me. But you didn’t hurt me, Y/N. You didn’t and I know you get that because so many times you’ve been on the other side of this and I know you’ve never once thought, oh yeah Jensen’s a piece of shit, let him really have it. No. Just no. So I’m not getting mad at you and I don’t know what to fucking say to make you feel better like you always do me and I’m so sorry he got so close to hurting you again. But I’m really good at fighting monsters in this family. So please next time, I don’t care if you’re scared of the bug on the wall or you think someone’s outside the house or what it is. If you’re scared, tell me and I’ll do my best to make it go away, I promise.”

“What do you do when you want to hate yourself for being an idiot?” you asked quietly. You heard him shift in his seat and you shut your eyes, the sound of a door opening and then another. Strong arms wrapped around you and you buried your face in his chest.

“I try to treat myself as kindly as she does. She would never hate me and she hates when I’m in pain. I see it all over her face. So I try to cut myself some slack and ask myself if she would hate me and when I realize no, I’m forced to forgive myself and it normally takes a few hours but it works pretty good. A lot of hugs and cuddling don’t hurt either.”

“Thank you for stopping him.”

“Don’t.”

“Thank you. I owe you so, so much.”

“You don’t owe me a damn thing. We got each other’s backs and that’s all there is to it. I’m just sad I missed you trying to shoot his dick off.”

“How did you know where to find me?”

“Find my iPhone. Also I figured that was a good place to check,” he said. “I would have been here sooner if Jared didn’t drive like a tortoise over to the house to watch the kids.”

“I’m sorry I scared you...and you had to do that tonight.”

“Oh punching your father was a personal highlight for me. Trust me,” he said. He stroked your cheek and you turned into the touch, eyes squeezing shut. “You’re safe.”

“He’s going to get out on bail and-”

“And we have a very good lawyer. Oh, and I know the mayor so fuck his ass, he’s not getting bail.”

You buried your face once again and he put a finger under your chin, lifting it up.

“You’re still scared.”

“He’s gonna get arrested for what, trespassing? Attempted assault? I was drunk and shot at him. He can spin it. He can spin it and be out on the street like that.”

“I’m going to ask the lawyer to do something else, something that maybe can take care of that problem.”

“What?”

“Once a piece of shit, always a piece of shit. He’s been gone for fifteen years. I have this bad feeling you weren’t the only one. Or even before that.”

“Or maybe he just hates me.”

“You don’t have to be scared. I’m gonna take care of it.”

“Jensen, I know you don’t have to worry about the money but it might still not be enough.”

“It’s enough,” he said. “Or else next time I’ll be the one with the rifle.”

“You would kill him?”

“Honestly? Yeah if it came to it. I wish people like him died in car crashes, not innocent ones. We have every right to protect ourselves and our family and I’m not letting him touch the kids or you ever.”

“I should probably say that’s bad but I don’t disagree.”

“Money works a lot. A real lot. Maybe he did something super bad and he can rot in prison forever.”

“Maybe,” you said, spotting a cruiser pull up nearby.

“Stay here, sweetie,” he said. He walked over while the officer got out. He spoke to Jensen for a moment, Jensen’s face a bit blank when he turned around.

“What’s wrong?”

“Your dad had a heart attack in the backseat,” said Jensen quietly. You cocked your head and he shook his. “Your father. In the police cruiser that was taking him for booking. He was just pronounced.”

“He died?”

“He was really overweight and didn’t look to be in the best health. He probably got his heart rate up too high and...the officer said he’d escort us home, stay outside the house for the night, calm our nerves.”

“He’s really dead?” you asked. You looked over at the officer and he came over, giving you a quick smile. “He really died?”

“Yes mam.”

“What...happens now?” you asked.

“We’ll file the report but you don’t necessarily need to press charges anymore. You’re next of kin as far as we’re aware so the body…” he trailed off when he looked at you. “We can talk about this with your lawyer.”

“Thanks,” said Jensen. “We’ll be on the road in a minute.”

The officer climbed back in his cruiser, Jensen leaning against the doorframe. He tucked your hair behind your ear, letting out a deep breath.

“Y/N,” he said. He stroked your cheek, your head turning up. “What is it, honey?”

“I don’t feel bad at all. I’m actually happy. That kinda is freaking me out a little. You shouldn’t be happy someone died.”

“Most people you’re right, you shouldn’t. But there are exceptions. He tormented you. He harassed you. He came after our family. I’m gonna sleep just fine tonight knowing he’s never coming back in our lives.”

“Were you scared of him?” He ducked his head down and you took hold of his hand. “Jensen.”

“Put it this way, I’d protect my family by any means necessary. What scares me was what if I was five minutes later tonight. Ten minutes. My job is to protect you and especially from monsters like that.”

“I’m a big girl Jensen. You don’t have to protect me from anything.”

“Yes I do, just like if it were me in your shoes I know you’d have done the same exact thing. We protect each other. It’s not because I’m the guy or I’m stronger. You’re my family and that’s what we do.”

“Thank you for protecting me and forgiving me for being stupid earlier,” you said. He smiled and nodded.

“You’re my dumbass and I’m yours,” he said. “Want to go home now?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I really do.”

“He’s really gonna spend the night?” you asked half an hour later in bed, Jensen shutting the door after himself. “He knows there’s a cop outside, right?”

“What can I say, Jared...he thinks of you like a little sister,” he said. “I can’t blame him for being protective.”

“I’ll be right back,” you said. You climbed out of bed and went downstairs, the light dim aside from where Jared was reading on the couch, a blanket over his legs. He looked over the top of the book and set it down, sitting up.

“Everything alright?” he asked. You smiled and took a seat on the edge of the couch, pulling him into a hug.

“Thanks for staying,” you said, a pair of large arms wrapped around your back.

“Of course.”

“You do know there’s nobody to bother us now, right?”

“I know. Some peace of mind never hurt anybody though,” he said. “Go on back to your fiance. You guys had a rough night.”

“Yeah,” you said, closing your eyes. “Thanks.”

He kissed your temple and you returned to your room, Jensen pulling you under the covers. You let out a deep breath, turning into his side.

“Here,” he said. He started to take off his bracelet but you shook your head.

“It’s yours, Jensen. I feel safe, I promise.”

“You’re tense still, honey.”

“Still working on that not being so angry at myself thing,” you said. He smiled and kissed you quickly, laying an arm over your waist. “I know what you said but I still want you to be pissed at me for lying.”

“You didn’t hurt me.”

“But-”

“You didn’t hurt me, Y/N and you know what? Sometimes, you’re gonna hurt me and I’m gonna hurt you. We’ll have bad days and get annoyed with one another. I’ll leave dishes in the sink and make a mess of the closet. You’ll chew with your mouth open and never fill up your car with gas until it’s too low. We’re not perfect. But even if we do hurt each other, we forgive each other because that’s what you do. We’re not always gonna like each other and what we do but we’ll always love each other. I don’t want to be mad at you. I want you to feel safe and know that I understand why you did what you did. I do. Please try to let it go, for me.”

“I am trying,” you said quietly. You shut your eyes and turned away, his arm over you pulling you back against his chest. “You’re normal. I can’t just stop hating myself like that.”

“You think I’m normal?” he chuckled. “Me?”

“Did you ever have to punch Dee’s psycho father? Did you ever have to talk about protecting her? Did she ever put your family in danger? Did she ever-”

“Y/N.”

“Go away,” you said, pushing his arm off of you. You moved over farther on your side of the bed, tucking your covers under your chin. The bed shifted and you tried to move again but his arm pulled you straight back to his chest, fingers dipping under your ribcage and holding you in place.

“I might not have had to have done those things for her but I would have. For the record, you didn’t put anyone in danger. That fucking asshole did. It is not your fault he was an evil and vile person. All you did was try to protect us because you were scared and I know, I know you didn’t tell me because you’re so scared of that man and I don’t blame you. He made my skin crawl and I interacted with him for all of five minutes. Get it out of your system however you need to but you are stuck with me forever. There is nothing you could do to make me want you gone so get used to it.”

“You shouldn’t have to deal with this,” you breathed out. You pulled your sheets over your head, taking deep heaving breaths. “You have so much to worry about already. You shouldn’t have to…”

“Did you think I couldn’t handle the news?” he asked. “That your father was so close by?”

“I thought you’d hate me,” you whispered. He tugged down your sheets and you squeezed your eyes shut as he turned you around.

“Look at me.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Now you’re angry.”

“Look at me.” You forced them open, meeting a soft face and sad eyes. “Why would I ever hate you?”

“My shit’s supposed to stay in the past. You don’t…” you said, Jensen furrowing his brow. “See, you’re mad.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? Your shit stays in the past.”

“It means you’ve had the world’s worst fucking year and you’re in such a good place now and you need to focus on you and not have my shit come in and fuck that up.”

“Do you think I can’t take care of you?” he asked.

“No of course not.”

“It sounds like you’re saying that you think you can’t have problems cause I can’t handle it.”

“Well at least I got what I wanted with you pissed,” you said, glaring up at him, tears welling in your eyes. You tried to push away but he held his arm around you. “Jensen, let me up.” You pushed again and he glared right back. “Stop it. Let me out of bed.” He only glared and you tore your eyes away from his face.

“Do you think I’m weak?”

“No,” you said, keeping your head low.

“Then why-”

“Because you need a fucking break. I dealt with this shit years and years ago. I understand needing a fucking break and people need to take care of you, help you. You’re a different man than the one I met way back in January. You’re so happy and healthy and you have a different outlook on life again and that’s incredible. I’m so proud of you for that. But you’re just, just out of the woods and I’m not gonna be the one that sends you back in because of my fucking problems.”

“They’re our fucking problems,” he said. “Our problems. There’s no your problems or my problems anymore. It’s us together. Why do you think I’d hate you?”

“Jensen,” you said, pushing on his chest. “Stop.”

“Why?”

“I said stop!”

“Tell me.”

“Because I’m scared,” you said. He let his hold go lax and you sat up, getting out of bed. You walked over to the balcony door and rested your forehead against the cool glass. The bed creaked and you felt his presence behind you.

“You’re scared of me.” You scrunched up your face and nodded. “Why?”

“Because if you realized how fucked up I am, you wouldn’t come near me with a ten foot pole. I’m not supposed to cause you problems. I’m supposed to fix them, be there for you.”

“But I can’t be there for you. You assume I’m just a dick where it’s only me and my shit that we can work on right?” he said.

“I didn’t say that.”

“Relationships go both ways, Y/N. I don’t expect you to take care of me for the rest of my life. You are allowed to need help too.”

“You don’t understand.”

“No, you don’t understand,” he said, grabbing your arm and spinning you around. He was frowning, his voice an octave higher if you didn’t know any better. “Do you honestly think I would have been angry at you if you told me about your father being in town? Do you?”

“I put the kids-”

“For the last time, you didn’t put anyone in danger,” he growled. “What is going on with you?”

“How many times do I have to say it, I’m not supposed to cause any problems!” you said.

“Yes you are! You, me, the kids. We’re all gonna have fucking problems sooner or later. Why do you think I’d hate you for telling me you had a problem, sweetheart?”

You fidgeted with the bottom of your shirt, looking past him.

“Something with your dad, isn’t it. Something got triggered in you after that phone call with the detective, didn’t it.”

“Call Ray. Tell him to come over,” you said quietly. He nodded and grabbed his phone, sending off a quick message before he was guiding you to sit on the bed.

“Honey,” he said when you pulled away from him. “Okay, no touching. Can I get you anything while we wait for Ray?”

“Probably should tell that cop that we’re expecting someone,” you said, rubbing your hands against your thighs. “Fuck, tell Ray it’s the help thing. He’ll understand.”

“Okay,” he said with a nod. You rubbed your legs harder and he stared at you. “Y/N.”

“I’m trying not to have a panic attack,” you grit out. “I haven’t had one since I was eight.”

Your head was turned and you felt his hands on your cheeks, Jensen forcing a smile. You stared for a long beat before you took a breath, his head nodding.

“That feels better,” you said, your hands not rubbing so hard. You heard feet and the door open, glancing behind Jensen to catch Jared in the doorway. You could feel your heart rate pick up, Jared nodding.

“I get panic attacks too,” he said. You nodded and Jensen glanced over his shoulder. “I heard arguing.”

“Can you tell that cop outside Ray is coming by and to let him in?” said Jensen.

“Sure. Who’s Ray?” asked Jared.

“Her mom’s old boyfriend and foster dad. He was her therapist when she was little. Something’s not right,” said Jensen.

“I’ll send him up as soon as he gets here.”

You felt calmer by the time Ray was walking in fifteen minutes later in sweats and not much more.

“Hey kiddo,” said Ray, giving you a quick hug before he squatted down in front of you. “Doing okay?”

You shook your head and shut your eyes, Jensen holding an arm around you. He explained what happened, Ray staying quiet. You eventually opened your eyes to stare at the floor, Ray standing and pulling over the bench from the end of the bed to sit on.

“Y/N do you want Jensen to stay?” he asked. You nodded and he hummed. “Y/N.”

“Yes,” you said dryly. “Can I have some water?”

Jensen got up and retrieved a glass from the bathroom, the pair of them watching you chug half of it down before you sat it on the nightstand.

“Y/N, does Jensen know what triggered you?” he asked.

“Not specifically. Asking for help he figured out but not the reason,” you said, looking away.

“Well on the bright side, you didn’t have a panic attack, you worked through it, you trusted Jensen to help you through it even if he didn’t know why and some of your coping skills helped you out quite a bit. But this is something Jensen needs to know. You’ll need help in a relationship and I know this is the big one but he needs to know so this never happens again,” said Ray.

“What if he thinks I overreacted?” you said.

“I won’t, trust me,” said Jensen. “Secret’s safe with me.”

“Go on, Y/N,” said Ray. You took a deep breath and Jensen held your hand, stroking his thumb over the back.

“So you kinda figured out that me having a problem was the trigger and that I didn’t ask for your help earlier and kinda assumed a bad reaction if I did.”

“Yup and that’s all okay,” he said softly.

“It wasn’t because of you that I assumed you’d have a bad reaction. It was something that happened to me that sort of...default my head to react and anticipate things in a certain way in that particular situation.”

“So if you have a problem and ask for help, you assume the person you’re asking for help from will not take it in a good way?” he asked.

“Yeah, basically. If it’s a really big problem and if I anticipate that the problem would upset the person I’m asking then my head assumes this bad thing will happen. In that case, it assumes the much better option is to not reveal the problem at all and handle it myself because then the bad thing won’t happen,” you said.

“The bad thing. It’s bad isn’t it,” he said. “Really bad.”

“Y/N, remember you can share without the graphics involved,” said Ray. You nodded and leaned your head back.

“When I was six I broke something of my dad’s. A mug. His favorite mug. I picked up the pieces but I knew it was his favorite so I didn’t throw it out. I asked him for help putting it back together,” you said. “The amount of rage he had over a broken mug...I never experienced such a horrible day in all eight years as that one.”

He didn’t say anything and you tucked your feet up, holding one up to him and showing the bottom. He stared at it and cocked his head, narrowing his eyes. It took him a moment but you saw when he noticed the small little scars. His eyes flickered back to yours and you nodded.

“He hurt me badly,” you said. “All day long.” He stared at you and you told him exactly the way the scars came to be, Jensen shuddering and closing his eyes. “It wasn’t a good day.”

“Fuck,” he said, standing up and rubbing his arm. “You were six?”

He shook his head and went to the balcony door, taking a deep breath.

“Jensen. You alright?” asked Ray.

“No,” he said, turning around, looking to you. “That many times?”

“One for every broken piece,” you said. He ran his hands over his face and shut his eyes. “The worst thing was just that it went on all day. It was long enough for me to interpret it as conditioning for a result of an event rather than just a bad memory from everything me and Ray worked out back in the day. It hasn’t been a trigger for me ever really but we knew it could be someday for a big life problem potentially. I’m guessing with it involving my dad, it kinda sent me into overdrive earlier.”

“Jensen,” said Ray, shooting you a quick glance. “Y/N’s okay. I’m actually quite impressed with her behavior. There was no hesitancy or waiver in her voice. I don’t feel as though this will likely be an issue ever again now that it’s out in the open and her father is gone.”

“You’re the closest thing to a father she’s ever had,” said Jensen, rubbing the back of his neck. “You know every horrible thing that’s happened to her and, and you just...all you did was throw him out of the country for fifteen years?”

“First off, the law was different back then and it was a lifetime ban. Second of all, buddy, violence isn’t always the answer to violence,” said Ray, getting to his feet.

“You should have adopted her.”

“She didn’t want me to.”

“You were the damn adult. She was the kid. Act like one,” said Jensen. “I mean fuck, you adopted two other kids only a few years later.”

“If I had adopted her you wouldn’t even know she fucking exists,” shot back Ray. “Her father still would have come back and this would have happened regardless.”

“You should have done what you needed to the second he popped up again when she was a teenager.”

“I did not strike you as a violent man but I do not like it.”

“She was almost assaulted by that man again tonight,” growled Jensen. “He tortured her and tormented her and he got barely any time at all for that. I would have-”

“Why’d you call the police then?” he asked. Jensen swallowed and Ray shrugged. “Why back at the farmhouse did you call the police? You could have killed him, called it self-defense and been done with it. Why?”

Jensen looked down and Ray sighed.

“The price for being a good person is making hard decisions, Jensen. Would I have loved to have rid the world of that son of a bitch the second I learned all about him? Oh you don’t know the half of it. I’m a trauma therapist, Jensen. Mostly for kids and teenagers. Do you know how much fucked up shit I’ve heard in my life? The world has so much ugliness in it. But it’s got good too and that’s why you called the police like you were supposed to and that’s why she loves you. She needs a good man, not a violent one. I’m not saying don’t think about protecting your family. But don’t act on it unless you don’t have a fucking choice, kid. Understand me?”

Jensen nodded and Ray cleared his throat.

“Say it.”

“Yes, sir,” said Jensen quietly.

“Ray, don’t get mad at him. He’s not used to this stuff,” you said. You stood and pulled Jensen back to the bed, Ray crossing his arms and nodding. “If I ever feel this happening again, what should I do?”

“You could work on reconditioning instead,” said Ray. “Work on saying I have a problem to Jensen and ask for help, even if there isn’t a problem. If Jensen responds positively or even neutrally and you two work at it maybe an hour or so a day for the next week or two, I don’t think you’ll ever have to be afraid of that trigger coming back. All of your triggers Y/N have involved your father. I know similarities can set you off but they’re small, manageable. You never have to worry about anyone hurting you ever again.”

“I know. I should have trusted my partner to have my back,” you said.

“I don’t blame you. I didn’t before and I definitely don’t now,” said Jensen. Ray smiled and pulled the bench back over to the bed.

“Get some rest you two,” he said.

“Ray?” you said after he gave you a hug. “Why didn’t you adopt me?”

“Honestly?” he asked. You nodded, Jensen preening his ears. “You reminded me so much of your mother and I was devastated when we lost her. I should have been the adult and done what was right but after seeing her in pain for years...I didn’t have it in me to take on a grieving teenager that would have been just as angry back at me. She already was so angry then, I would have put fuel on the flames. I didn’t have it in me to be strong anymore and that’s my mistake for not trying.”

“You can adopt adults,” said Jensen. You both looked at him and he smiled. “Adults can be adopted.”

“Not sure if…” trailed off Ray as you smiled at him. “Y/N, we’ve only just started talking again.”

“Maybe if that keeps going well...maybe things could...work out…” you said. “If you wanted.”

“Yeah, maybe we can do that,” he said with a smile. “It’s getting late. Put her to bed. Don’t be surprised if there’s a nightmare or two tonight.”

“Okay. Thank you,” said Jensen as Ray started to leave.

“Take care of her kid,” he said. Jensen nodded and you lay back in bed, the house growing quiet.

“I’m so sorry,” said Jensen, his head lowering after a few moments. “I should have realized…”

“You did realize,” you said, sitting up. “Even when my head couldn’t come out and say I trust you and I know I’m acting a certain way because of what my dad put me through, you stayed calm and figured it out. You got nothing to be sorry for.”

“I’m sorry he hurt you. I got to pretend to be a cowboy and my dad read me stories when I was six. The worst thing I ever got was a few smacks but I know he regrets doing that,” he said. “Even then it was because I was acting out not…I just don’t understand why he would ever hurt you.”

“I stopped trying to understand him a long time ago,” you said, the door opening. You both turned, Arrow walking in with a pair of wet eyes. “You have a nightmare, sweetie?”

“I went…to the bathroom…” she said when you noticed her holding her wrist. Jensen hopped up and walked over, picking her up gently and setting her beside you. “I fell down off the step stool. It was wet.”

“Tell me what hurts,” he said.

“My hand,” she said.

“Let daddy see,” you said. She moved her hand back and you both saw her wrist was swollen and bruised. Jensen swore under his breath and guided her hand back on it. “Okay, you hold it if it feels better that way, honey. Daddy, I think Arrow should go to urgent care.”

“Arrow, why don’t you go get your dolly and we’ll bring her with us. We might have to wait a minute,” he said. “Be careful okay? I’ll come get you in just a minute.”

“Mommy?” she asked, staring up at you.

“Mommy’s really tired-” said Jensen when you stood up.

“Uncle Jared is staying over though, daddy. Go get your dolly and mommy and daddy will get dressed,” you said. She sniffled but climbed down okay, Jensen sighing when she left the room. “She wants me there and I want to be there. I’m going.”

“Alright but you’re going to try and get some sleep in the waiting room at least, please.”

“No promises.”

________

A/N: Read Part 17 here!

#spn #supernatural #jensen ackles #jensen ackles x reader #jensen x reader #jensen series #rpf #rpf series #spn fanfic #jensen ackles fanfic #supernatural fanfic

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viperbarnes · 3 years

Text

The Tie That Binds – [Two of Eight]

[B. Barnes, Soulmate AU]

Summary: HYDRA took everything from you, your life, your future, they even burned off your soulmark to make sure nobody would go looking for you. Now the man they forced you to fix reappears in your life, to make amends and to be ‘of service’.

You know that they made him do all those things, that James ‘Bucky’ Barnes is not The Winter Soldier, that he’s innocent. You don’t blame him.

But that doesn’t make seeing him again any easier.

Warnings: Panic attacks, language, talk and depiction of home invasion and abduction, canon level violence, HYDRA levels of torture, angst, fluff, slow-ish burn, friends to lovers.

Note: This is entirely un-beta'd so all mistakes are my own. Thank you for reading!

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The room is cold enough that you can see your breath in the air. Around you, the low hum of activity signals the debrief after a mission well-done, various personnel seeing to their jobs as you do yours.

The Winter Soldier sits as still as a statue in the chair set out for him, already waiting when you’d arrived. You’d been in the middle of some of the best sleep you’d had in weeks when your cell door had flung open, and you’d been unceremoniously dragged from your bed. Even though they blindfolded you every time, by now you knew the way to the debrief room by heart.

You aren’t sure how long they’ve had you, time passes strangely when you only ever saw the inside of a cell. You’d attempted to keep track at first, but eventually you’d lost count of how many days had passed, or if they had at all… for all you know, you’d been counting nights, anyway.

It must have been years at this point.

You work quietly on the Soldier’s arm, the incredible piece of machinery and engineering the only bright spot in your confined life, but even that had worn thin some time ago. You were never permitted to really look at it, just fix any faults or problems that it had. And it certainly had its faults. After you’d first been taken, and you’d realised there was no way you were ever leaving here alive, you’d tried to make do, to make the best of your situation.

After every mission, the Soldier would need repairs made to the artificial limb which, while an astounding piece of biomechanical engineering, seemed to be oddly fragile. You had kept yourself busy, thinking up ways to improve elements of the arm, so that it wouldn't need so many repairs, but when you had approached someone vaguely in charge about it, you’d been told to keep your mouth shut.

Interestingly, a few of your proposed improvements seemed to present the next time you’d worked on him, though, none were executed in ways that made them truly useful.

You keep your head down as you work, eager to finish as soon as possible. You didn’t often pay much mind to the goings-on around you when you were called to service, but the heated conversation happening several meters away from where you sat beside the Soldier put you on edge.

A man in a suit and a man in nondescript military fatigues seemed to be having a barely civil discussion, moving in and out of English, and what you think may be Russian. The man in the military fatigues was one you’d seen plenty of times before. He never spoke to you directly, but the soldiers and guards of the facility responded to him like the lash of a whip. You’d heard him referred to as Karpov, and you can only assume he was in command of this facility.

The man in the suit however, you’d only seen a few times, and only ever in the debrief room when the Soldier had returned from a mission. He was American, his accent made that much clear, but further than that you didn’t know.

You’re still leant over the metal limb, several of its outer panels peeled open and removed so that you may access the mechanics inside, when the heated conversation gets nearer. You flinch at the movement out of the corner of your vision, causing your tweezers to tap into a wire that they really shouldn’t. The result is a small spark, and a slight shock for your ‘patient’, and though he doesn’t move an inch, when you hiss at your own mistake, and swivel your eyes up worriedly, you find he’s dipped his chin enough to watch you out of the corner of his eye.

You can’t tell if he’s glaring or not, his face always sullen and morose, but briefly you feel the urge to apologise.

You don’t however, fearing a reprimand from either of the arguing men who still near.

“You hide behind that book, Karpov.” The American man shakes his head.

“Without me and my book, you are nothing.” Karpov all but spits back. You feel your body stiffen as they begin to circle around the Soldier, and you by extension.

“Is that right?” The American man taunts, stopping on the other side of the chair to you and planting his feet. He crosses his arms over his chest.

“Солдат, убей ее.” He commands in perfect Russian.

Before you can even register what is happening, there is a hand around your throat, forcing you back and up, until your feet have left the ground. A crashing sound joins the sudden chaos, your small workbench of tools upended and scattered over the concrete floor, all other personnel in the room backing themselves against walls or desks as they watch on in shock and surprise.

You can only gasp as your airway is constricted, and you’re left to claw pathetically at the hand that has raised you from the ground. Fear and adrenaline fuel your futile fight, and you look desperately to Karpov, who watches on in thinly veiled horror.

Your eyes feel ready to pop from their sockets, your ears filled with nothing but the sound of your own blood when you’re suddenly released, dropping to the ground like a sack of bricks.

You gasp for air, the cold burning your throat and lungs as you drink it down. You scurry back out of pure instinct, spluttering and terrified, sending your fallen tools even further in every direction.

The American turns to his companion, a smug expression smeared across his features. You can’t hear what he says, your senses still too scrambled to pick it up properly, but he gestures to you, leaving Karpov with some final words before he turns on his heel and leaves.

You’re still shaking, gasping for air in terror when Karpov finally turns back to you.

He orders you to finish your work, and then he leaves.

You wake with a soft gasp.

Swallowing thickly, you force your eyes shut again as you take in several deep breaths, calming yourself as best you can. Unable to help yourself, you lift a hand to delicately touch your throat, where the bruises from your dream feel all too real for several seconds, before they fade into memory.

You could have died then, you’re sure of it. All your suffering, all the effort HYDRA went into seeking you out, it would have amounted to nothing. And for what? A petty power play?

It makes you feel small, which makes you angry.

You know they were an evil Nazi organisation and all, but they’d upended your entire life, completely ruined any semblance of normalcy you could ever hope to have again, and they hadn’t even had the decency to act as if you weren’t replaceable.

For all you did know about HYDRA and it’s going ons, there was so much you didn’t know. After you’d been freed, you hadn’t gone out of your way to seek out information, everything you knew was everything you’d found out about during your court hearings.

When Captain Rogers had brought down SHIELD and HYDRA, there had been a dozen raids on known facilities, the one you’d been at at the time being one of them. But bureaucracy would be bureaucracy and they’d had to officially investigate and clear your name before you were truly free to go.

There wasn’t much question about your innocence though, HYDRA hadn’t really bothered to code any of their notes or files on you or your capture.

By the time they’d let you go, you were more than willing to disappear and never hear about HYDRA or SHIELD or anything else to do with it ever again.

You’d managed it for almost seven years, too, until The Winter Soldie– Bucky– had shown up.

You chew on your lip and glare up at your ceiling, and then, with a hefty sigh, you reach for your phone on the nightstand, and the slip of paper tucked beneath it.

---

Once more, you marvel that the man before you is the same as the one who occasionally haunted your dreams.

It was rather incredible what simple expression could do to change a face.

Bucky Barnes sits in the corner of the coffeeshop looking both innocuous and extremely out of place as he fiddles with the gloves he still wears. His distraction must be true, because he only notices you once you’re already halfway to the booth, his face lighting up with recognition. For a moment he looks as though he might stand up to greet you, but you give him no time to do so, quickly sliding yourself in across from him with a thin smile.

“Thank you for meeting me.” You greet, settling yourself into the seat. Bucky waves you off with a shake of his head and seems to adjust himself in his place.

“Of course… is something wrong…?”

It’s strange to you, that you can pick out nervousness in his voice, that he would let himself be so readable, but then you wonder if he even realises. You give him another thin smile and shake your head, but reach for the menu.

“No. Nothing is wrong. Have you ordered?”

After two coffees are delivered to your table, yours a simple latte, and his a caramel mocha with marshmallows that you have to raise your brow at, you settle in once more and focus on why you’d asked him to come.

“You said… when you approached me, you said you were trying to make amends…?” You say, but it comes out more like a question than you intend. Bucky’s brows knit together and he nods.

“To be of service.” He confirms. A part of you bristles at that, a part that thinks he’s done quite enough of serving others for one lifetime, but you brush the thought aside.

“I– I thought of something that maybe you could help me with…” You aren’t expecting his face to light up the way it does, or for him to lean forward almost unwittingly. Momentarily you’re reminded of a very good dog.

“I don’t know much about HYDRA. Or why they did what they did… but I want to know.” You find yourself unable to meet his eye fully as you say this, instead focusing on gently turning your coffee cup around in place on its saucer.

“If you have questions, I’ll answer everything I know.” Bucky tells you a moment later. Something in his voice makes you feel as though he understood, and you wonder if he’d felt the same at some point. You look up at him briefly, grateful for the lack of judgement.

“Do you remember everything that you did? Were you aware of what was happening, or does it just feel sort of dream-like now?” You can’t help but blurt out seconds later, as if the opportunity might be gone in a few few minutes. Bucky blinks, and you can see him restraining the small quirk of his lips as he takes a sip from his cup and places it back down again.

“It’s a little bit of both. I remember everything, but it does feel ‘dream-like’, in retrospect.” He tells you.

“Who was Karpov?” Your next question makes him pause, a brief, almost undetectable flash of disgust and anger crossing his features before he clears his throat and speaks again.

“A Soviet, then Russian intelligence officer… He ran the program for a time…” Bucky frowns as he speaks. You nod, having thought as much.

“He’s dead, now.” He adds after a moment, and you glance up at him questioningly.

“Wasn’t me.”

You proceed to poke and prod at his brain for the next hour, and to his credit, he answers every single one of your questions as best he can. Even subjects that you think he may not normally broach, or things that seem like they might be classified, he tells you honestly.

You’ve both gone through two coffees when you’re finally coming to the end of your questioning, your mind filled up with more information than you could possibly hope to remember at length, but that wasn’t the point.

The odd ease you’d felt the last time, when he’d shadowed you around the grocery store, is gone. You no longer felt as though he posed some kind of threat, which was ridiculous, because the sheer size of him should have instilled that in you. The fact that you had so many traumatic memories tied to him should have sealed the deal, but somehow, it’s like none of that mattered.

That in itself gives off its own unease.

You feel like you’re in a constant limbo.

A comfortable silence had settled between you since your last question (and answer), and you watch Bucky finish off his drink. He’d removed his gloves halfway through your talk, and you’d done your best to steer your eyes away from the shiny black and gold of his new metal limb. Now though, you find your curiosity piqued at the sight of a strange black mark on the underside of his wrist, only visible when his sleeve pulls back just so.

You’d never noticed it before, though why would you have? You were always too focused on his metal limb. It makes you wonder though, which leads you to staring at your own hand, at the discreet lumpy white scar on the back of your palm.

“Do you know why they removed my soulmark?” The question comes quieter than all the others, and you don’t look at him as you ask it, though you see from the corner of your eye that he stops and stares down at your hand too.

He doesn’t reply at first, and you almost think he may not have heard you. When you do look up at him, he seems to jump, blinking rapidly and tearing his gaze from your hand.

“My guess is they didn’t want any loose ends…” He says slowly, but frowns.

“They didn’t remove yours?” You nod to his wrist, which he looks down at, clearly resisting the urge to cover it up again.

“They tried… but the serum… I guess it prevented them from doing any last damage to it.” Bucky tells you, finally meeting your eye again. He looked pained, but you don’t understand why. It wasn’t as though he really did lose his mark. Not like you.

For a brief few moments a burning jealousy overcomes you.

It wasn’t fair! It wasn’t fair that he should keep his and you should lose yours! You would forever be left wondering, no matter how much you healed from your ordeal, you would forever be left with the scars of it, unable to truly move past it.

You stare down at your hand again and feel the anger fuel you.

“They took everything from me. My life, my career… even love,” You wave your hand briefly before scoffing and shoving it into your lap. You didn’t want to look at it anymore. You didn’t want anybody to look at it anymore. Bucky sits quietly, face drawn into an intense scowl.

“I should hate you. I want to, believe me…” You purse your lips and shake your head, blinking away any tears that spring to your eyes. Now was not the time.

“But I can’t, ‘cause even though what they did to you was worse… You’re the only other person who understands. And I don’t have anybody else.” You shake your head again and feel the tension leave your body with your words.

It’s as if saying them out loud releases the anxiety in your bones. You feel lighter all of a sudden, the heaviness that you’d felt since gaining your freedom, the tiredness, it seems to diminish somewhat.

When you can finally bring yourself to meet his eye again, Bucky is watching you with something like sympathy, though, it feels softer than that.

“I was alone, and I thought I was fine with that.” You ball your hands into fists and let out a deep breath.

“And then you showed up.”

Bucky’s lips quirk, but this time he doesn’t try to hide it.

“Does that mean you’re no longer alone, or that you’re no longer fine with it?” He asks, and you can’t help but chortle.

“I don’t know yet.”

---

The burning question Bucky had had since he last saw you, the one he’d not known how to answer, resolves itself in the worst way possible.

He stares at the lumpy white scar on the back of your hand and feels his blood run cold. He’d been scared that you’d realised the truth, or that he’d have to tell you sooner or later, but this is far, far, worse than that.

They’d removed your soulmark.

Bucky knows they’d tried with him, remembers the searing pain, but it had never worked. With you however…

His chest aches just thinking about how you must feel. It was clear by the look on your face how much it affected you, and regardless of how you would have reacted had your soulmark been untouched, to find out he was your soulmate, Bucky wishes this were the one thing he could go back and change.

It leaves a hole deep in his chest.

But something else nags at his mind, long after he’s parted ways with you. You had no idea who you were to one another. It feels like a cruel joke played by the universe. Bucky clearly still made you uneasy, and even if you felt as though you could understand one another, that was very different to wanting to be soulmates.

No.

Bucky decides that you deserved more than a cruel joke. After everything you’d been through, you deserved true happiness.

And Bucky Barnes would rather see his soulmate happy without him, than miserable because of him.

If you like and enjoy, a comment or a reblog would be greatly appreciated!

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes/reader #bucky barnes/you #story: tttb

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evermoreholland · 3 years

Text

Stay With Me | Professor!Tom

PROFESSOR!TOM X STUDENT!READER

summary: tom has been overworking himself and you take care of him.

warnings: student/teacher relationship, tom snaps maybe once, this is pure fluff

word count: 1.5k

a/n: this could be a second part to falling, which is a fic i wrote for prof!tom, but this can be read on its own.

Walking into the lecture hall every Monday morning was always the best start to your week. At first, British History was not something that interested you, but over time you had come to enjoy it very much. Maybe it was because of your cute and intelligent British professor, but you wouldn’t admit that to anyone.

You and Professor Holland had been seeing each other for the past few months. It obviously had to be on the down-low, but you were both willing to take the risk. You couldn’t help your attraction to him, and him to you. Tom was 26 and you were 21 so everything was completely legal. Also, student-professor relationships were frowned upon.

At first, things between the two of you were merely physical. You would go to his office after hours, pleasure each other, and then you’d leave. That was all. But over time, Tom and you both caught feelings for each other. Tom loved your mind. You had the most amazing ideas and you were always wanting to learn more. You were an overachiever and tried your hardest. Tom could see that almost immediately, and that action alone made him in awe of you.

Tom was the kindest person you knew. He had a heart of gold and always made sure to take care of you before he took care of himself. You had become one of the best people in Tom’s life and he showed you every day with his love for you, but he had yet to tell you exactly how he felt.

You came into Professor Holland’s office one late night so he could look over your essay, and maybe do other things too. You hadn’t seen Tom except for your British History lecture at the beginning of the week. Tom was busy teaching and grading and you were busy writing your paper for his class, along with the other assignments you needed to complete.

You walked through the History department building and made your way upstairs to Professor Holland’s office. It was around 8pm and his office was the only room with the light on. You knocked on the door three times like you did every time so that Tom knew it was you. You heard footsteps from behind the door and the door opened to reveal your handsome boyfriend. It felt good to see him again. You admired his glowing skin and beautiful curls that were no longer gelled.

“Good evening, Y/N,” Tom greeted. He moved away from the door to let you in and you walked in and took a seat by his desk. Tom closed the door gently and made his way back to his desk. The room was dimly lit, papers were scattered all over Tom’s desk, and he had many disposable cups around his desk, which you assumed were once full of tea. Tom looked tired and you were afraid that your presence would overwhelm him, especially because you didn’t need to be there right now. “Let’s take a look at your essay, shall we?”

You pulled out your laptop from your bag and opened up the document. “We don’t need to do this right now if you aren’t up for it, Tom.” You saw Tom rub his eyes once more and you knew that he needed to go home and go to bed. “We can do this another time.”

“I said that I would help you out, and it’s only 8,” Tom replied. He turned your computer around so he could see what you have been working on. “Let me take a look.”

“But you’ve been up since the crack of dawn and you went to bed really late last night.”

“Y/N, I’m fine,” Tom snapped. “Please just let me look at this.”

You stayed silent after that. You didn’t want to argue with Tom. He was a grown man and he knew his limits. You just didn’t like seeing him so stressed out and tired. He continued to read your essay and then began typing some suggestions soon after. He turned the computer back over to you so you can look at his suggestion. “Thanks,” you mumbled.

“I didn’t mean to snap at you, love,” Tom apologized. He was tired, but he didn’t want to admit it. He just wanted to get everything done and then take a break. He hated having to stop but he knew that you were right and that he needed to take care of himself. “You’re right. I’m exhausted.”

You closed your laptop and put it back in your bag. “Let me take you home, Tom.”

“No, no. Y/N, there’s no need. I can crash on my couch here.”

“Tom, don’t be ridiculous. You need to go home, shower, and then sleep in your own bed,” you insisted. Tom hesitated but then finally nodded in agreement. “Ok, then. Pack up your stuff, Holland. I’ll drive.”

“I don’t want people to see us leaving here,” Tom said, worried that you’d both get caught. He needed to go home desperately but he didn’t want to jeopardize anything.

“Tom, don’t worry. No one is here. Most people don’t live in their offices like you do.”

“Very funny,” Tom replied. He cleaned up around his desk. He threw away some cups, put papers in his file cabinet, and packed up his briefcase. Once he was done, he put on his coat. “Let’s go.”

You drove Tom to his apartment. You were nervous because you didn’t know if he’d want you to stay with him. This was all new territory for both of you.

“Want to stay?” He asked as you parked the car in his spot. “I could use some company.”

“Of course, I will. I can make you more tea.”

“I’d love that, darling.”

You both went into Tom’s apartment. It was weird seeing where Tom lived. His home was almost as messy as his office was. Dishes in the sink, shoes cluttered around by the door, and papers scattered around on the coffee table. But the apartment itself smelled of Tom; mahogany and teakwood coated your senses. It felt like home.

“Want chamomile tea?” You asked as you looked through Tom’s kitchen cabinet.

“Would love some, babe. I’m going to shower, be back in a few.” Tom kissed your cheek and then went to what you assumed was his bathroom. You filled up the kettle with water and put it on the stove. You heard the water running from the bathroom and a smile appeared across your face. You were happy that Tom was finally letting loose and you were hoping that you’d get him to relax for the rest of the night. Once the water was heated, you made two cups of tea.

Tom came back to the kitchen after his shower with just grey sweatpants on. Your face became hot. It wasn’t like you have never seen Tom shirtless before, but it felt hotter now that you were in his home. There was something so domestic about it that made your heart flutter. “You smell good, Tommy.”

“Like my shampoo?” Tom asked and then wrapped his arms around your waist and began kissing your neck. “The tea smells good too.”

“Want some?”

“Yeah, let’s go sit on the couch, darling.”

You sipped your tea in comfortable silence. Tom had his hand on your thigh and your hand was on top of his. “I like this.” Tom eventually broke the silence.

“Me too.”

“Thank you for taking care of me.”

“It’s my pleasure,” you said. You wanted this for as long as possible. You wanted to come home to Tom and drink tea with him every night. “I like spending time with you.”

“This is probably the best cuppa I have ever had,” Tom said and then finished off his cup. He hummed in delight as the last sip of tea covered his throat.

“Glad you liked it, Tommy.”

“Do you want to stay the night? It’s getting late,” Tom offered as he noticed the time.

“You want me to?” You asked nervously. You weren’t sure whether or not to accept. Of course, you wanted to stay with Tom, but you couldn’t help but feel scared.

“Love, I wouldn’t have asked you if I didn’t want you to.” Tom kissed your forehead and you nodded, indicating that you wanted to stay.

Tom gave you a towel so you could shower and a pair of pajamas to change into. Once you were done, you went to Tom’s bedroom and you saw him getting under the covers. “Hey, sleepy.”

“Hey,” he mumbled. “Come to bed, baby.”

The pet name made you smile. You walked to the bed and got under the covers. You snuggled up close to Tom and you touched your nose to his. “Night.”

“Night, Y/N. Sweet dreams,” Tom visibly paused. He looked like he was going to say something, but held back. You noticed.

“Cat got your tongue, Thomas?” You teased.

“I’m scared,” Tom admitted.

“Of what?”

“Falling too fast and then getting my heartbroken.”

“I would never break your heart, Tommy,” you reassured him. You didn’t want him to be afraid to share things with you. You wanted to know how he was feeling.

“I’m falling in love with you,” Tom confessed.

“Well, that’s great,” you paused to kissed him. You pulled away and said, “I’m falling in love with you too.”

#tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland fluff #tom holland x you #tom holland imagine #tom holland x y/n #professor!tom #professor!tom holland

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caramelcal · 3 years

Text

his favorite club

warnings: swearing, arguing, talks of murder, gangs, use of weapons etc. don’t read if you are not comfortable with these!

word count: 2.5k

a/n: HELLO!!!! WELCOME BACK TO THE NEXT LUKE/BAMBI POST!

thank you so much for all the love anons <3

requests: Anonymous asked:

Could you write a Luke x gang where him and the reader are fighting and maybe his arm goes up and she thinks he’s going to hit her but would never and it’s fluffy in the end?

Anonymous asked:

For the Luke x gang could you write something angsty like maybe he doesn’t come home on time like usual and y/n is really worried idk maybe goes to his place of business and it starts a big fight and the reader gets a bit scared of how mad he is? Idk you can take it in any direction.

Anonymous asked:

Loved the new Luke post. Was wondering if the next part could have some danger concerning the reader? Or maybe she sees the dangerous part of him and it scares her?

The only sound filling the apartment was the sounds of the small girl's shoes hitting off of the floor loudly, and the soft but irritating clicking of the clock that stood on the wall in front of her. It was 8:13 pm. Over an hour later than Luke had said he was going to be.

Bambi knew the dangers of the work that Luke lived in, but he had only ever been once late and even then, she had got a text explaining that he would be. Yet, this time, she never got a text, a call, nothing.

Radio silence.

Her stomach clenched up every time she thought about the possibilities of what could have happened to Luke. She wouldn't consider herself a pessimist, but she can't exactly say that she was expecting the best.

She was sure that if Luke didn't get home soon, the floor would have worn away from the amount of pacing she was doing right now. The clock continued to tick on, each movement from the small circular thing stuck on the wall bringing her more and more anxiety.

He should be home.

Maybe that's why she found herself in one of Luke's cars, somehow managing to sneak past the two members of Luke's gang that she had seen on the way down, and evading Jacob, Luke's personal driver.

In fact, Bambi hadn't driven a car since she moved in with Luke, always being driven around by either Jacob or Luke himself. It felt weird being behind a wheel again, but she didn't have time to dwell on it or soak up in the power she felt inkling into her chest before she was speeding out of the garage, onto the main highway of the city.

If Bambi was being honest, she probably broke about seven driving laws (if there were that many, probably, she thought) on the way to the club that Luke often found himself at. He never brought her there, and actually, forbid her from coming to altogether, but she knew he couldn't be too mad considering it was all about her concern about him.

From the moment she walked in, she felt out of place. Men in dark button-ups, cigarettes falling from their lips, women in minimal and sexy clothing, drinks all around. The red luminous lights of the bar being the only light provided. Her eyes scanned the area, looking for her tall boyfriend but it was really difficult.

A lot of the people in here were very tall, much taller than Bambi was, so trying to see over them was impossible. She was very out of place, alone, scared, and looked far too good to be in such a twisted club.

Somehow, she managed to make her way over to the bar, where she recognized a figure with his back turned towards her, making a cocktail. It was only seconds after when he turned around, dimpled face on display, he almost spilled the drink on him with how fast he stopped upon seeing her.

His eyes whipped around wildly around the club before walking over to her and whispering, "You shouldn't be here! Didn’t Luke forbid you from coming here? You need to leave!"

"Nice to see you too, Ash," Bambi couldn't help the sarcasm falling off of her lips before she asked, "Luke never got home. Is everything ok?"

"Everything's fine, he just got caught up with some paperwork and stuff, he should be back soon,"

"Paperwork?" She asked suspiciously, raising an eyebrow at the gang member.

"Well yeah, just updating a file on the drug run today just to say it went well," Ashton shrugged lightly, "he should be done soon."

Even though Ashton shrugged it off well, Bambi knew he was lying. She could feel it in her bones, in her gut, that he was lying and she was determined to find out the truth.

She shrugged lightly, "Well if it's just paperwork then he won't mind me being there."

With that, she stalked away from the bar in search of the backrooms, wasting no time for Ashton to catch up with her as she went on her way. She walked around the back hallways, looking for any indication of Luke's presence.

The rooms were silent. All but one.

"Please! I don't know anything! Stop!" It was a plead filled with both pain and desperation but it was quickly cut off with the sound of a swift but powerful hit.

Her pulse raced, legs shakily making their way towards the room, gently pushing the door open. It was silent, the door, cracking open so that the small girl could see.

Bambi felt sick.

She could see her boyfriend’s blond curls held up in a hair tie she had loaned him earlier this morning, bloody hand reaching up high as he punched the poor boy on the chair again.

“I’ll give you one more chance before I use something more than my hand,” He threatened gruffly, causing Bambi to flinch. Her breath was caught in her throat, eyes welling up in tears. She knew she shouldn’t have been so upset, she knew her boyfriend was a gang member, but something about seeing him doing this to someone with the same hands that caressed her and made her feel safe felt...wrong.

Suddenly, Ashton entered another door that entered into the room that Luke was in, alerting both Luke and Michael, who had been overlooking the situation. Only then did Bambi realize that Luke had picked up an object, it glinting in the light as he moved towards the door that Ashton had entered.

Luke was holding a knife.

A soft gasp escaped Bambi’s lips, thankfully not loud enough for Luke to hear. She didn’t want him near her, not right now anyway. She didn’t even want him to look at her.

“She’s here! You need to stop, Luke!” Bambi took that as her clear to get the hell out of there. If what Ashton said was true, about Luke being mad she was here, she didn’t want him to find her. Not anymore, anyway.

She didn’t want him to get anywhere near him. How could she possibly sleep at night knowing the man that slept beside her, that played with her hair, that made her feel safe, did that to people? What if he got so mad that he did that to her?

She was being irrational, but at that moment she couldn’t help it.

She shuffled backward, away from the door that led to the room Luke was in, choosing to swiftly get away from him now that she could.

Now, she wasn’t scared for Luke, she was scared of Luke.

“Hey kid, where are you goin'?” Calum asked as she crashed into his chest, making her stumble back lightly, mouth ajar.

She went to speak, to come up with some excuse but she didn’t have time. She couldn’t sit here and entertain Calum with a nice, little conversation when she was trying to evade her boyfriend.

That’s why she just turned, maneuvering around her, and started to run.

“Bambi!” The girl became rigid as she heard him shout, becoming increasingly aware that he had caught up to her, and was planning on talking to her. It was almost as if she was frozen in place, unable to move into the car and unable to move towards him, not that she wanted to. However, she could hear him come to a stop behind her, his voice softer as he spoke, trying not to gather any attention towards the couple, “Why are you here? I thought I told you that you weren’t allowed at the club?”

Her mouth ran dry, unable to respond. In fact, she acted as if she never heard him speak, afraid of what he would do if she pissed him off. Yet, her silence was probably the most angering thing to the tall blond boyfriend of hers, which became obvious when he spoke next.

“Bambi? Let me get you out of here, I’ll drive,” He went to grab the car keys out of her hand, but she had seen his shadow when he went to grab them, quickly jerking out of his grasp, turning around, and staring up at him.

She didn’t miss the slight shock in his eyes when she did so, or the irritancy that bubbled deep beneath. Her throat felt thick, clouded, but she quickly cleared it, voice forceful as she stared up at the gang member, “I’m not going anywhere with you.”

“Bambi, what the hell are you talking about? Just let me drive and we can talk about this when we get home lets not cause a scene,” Luke was trying to reason with the girl, not cause a scene in front of his men, but Bambi was not having it. She wasn’t about to get into a car with him, shaking her head wildly, “Bambi.”

His tone was a warning, deep voice, cold tone. It was demanding but Bambi was not in the mood for Luke to boss her about, especially not right now.

“What? You don’t want people to realize that we’re fighting and that I’m your girlfriend, is that it?” The words were flying out of the girl’s mouth before she could stop them and Luke’s blue eyes glared down at her, his jaw ticking.

“Is this really what this is about?” Luke asked, referring to the argument they had gone through all of those weeks ago. Yet, that it isn’t. The problem was that Bambi saw something she wasn’t supposed to, that Luke had tried to shield her from as best as he could. Even if it meant that she wasn’t allowed near his favorite club.

“You nearly killed him, Luke.”

Her voice was painfully quiet, muttering in a way that makes it obvious she had to force the words out. Her fists are clenched at her sides, her eyes looking down to evade the scrutiny of his gaze.

“Bambi you don’t know what you saw-”

“You had a knife, Luke! I saw you punch him just look at your hands right now they’re-” She stopped briefly, glancing down at the man’s hands, the ones that gave her such tender, sweet love. The ones that made her feel safe, yet now? All she seen was all of the blood coating them, some dry some relatively fresh, “they’re covered in his blood.”

Luke flexed his hands slightly, feeling the blood coating them become ever so evident, “What else am I supposed to do? What do you think I’ve been doing all this time? I work in a fucking gang, you knew this.”

“I didn’t think-” The girl cut herself off, shaking her head as tears rose to her eyes, shielding her view.

“What the fuck do you think I do? Hand out fucking rainbow stickers and give them a nice hug? That’s not how this works, you know this,” His voice was harsh, and slowly rising to a loud level, and all Bambi wants is to go and hide away from him; to be by herself. She can’t handle this, not right now.

“How can you expect me to be ok with this?” The girl asked, “It’s sick! It’s twisted! You could have killed that guy!”

“Don’t suddenly go getting morals just because you saw a bit of fucking blood! We’re leaving. Now,” His voice is demanding, loud and borderline shouting, his hand coming down towards her rapidly to grab the car keys off of her but then he froze at the movement from the small girl in front of him.

She flinched.

Silence filled them both.

The tears that tracked down her face started to build in his eyes, his heart dropping to his feet when he saw the girl cower. It was barely for a second when she shielded her head, in the same place he had hit that guy barely five minutes before like he was going to hit her.

He spluttered with his mouth ajar. Bambi, his Bambi, the one he had worked so hard to protect, to love, to cherish, was scared of him. He just wanted to comfort her, to hold her close and let her know that everything was going to be okay. Yet, he couldn’t comfort her that he would battle all her fears when he was what she was scared of.

“Bambi...” It was a sad plead.

The girl never replied, tears becoming thicker as she shook her head. She was overcome with emotions. Afraid, sad, ashamed, angry; she wasn’t entirely sure what she was feeling at that moment.

“Bambi I’d never...”

The girl wouldn’t look him in the eyes. Never in his whole life had Luke felt so ashamed of himself. Ashamed that he would ever let a fragment of his girl believe he would ever harm her or put her in harm’s way.

He would do everything to make sure she was okay.

“I need to go,” The girl gingerly wiped her tears with her -Luke’s- jumper, the large sleeves rolled up but still covering her hands fully. She entered the car and Luke made no move to stop her, he didn’t care that she had taken one of his cars at that moment, he didn’t care that she had disobeyed his orders of coming to the club, he didn’t care about anything other than how he had wronged her.

Then, he was left by himself, in the middle of the club’s back parking lot, blood still coating his hands that even made him feel sick now. The cold night air nipped at his skin, yet again reminding him that he was void of her warmth. He was all alone.

He returned home all of twenty minutes later, a fresh pair of clothes on and hands bare of blood. The house was quiet but he knew that she was there, the bedroom door ever so slightly ajar, a faint light emitting from the room.

He leaned against the door frame, watching her with a sullen face as she packed. She was only packing a few outfits, not anything major as she sniffed lightly. She was still crying, Luke noticed, and it made his heart ache, “I’m leaving for Anna’s. I just need some time.”

Luke knew he was in no position to argue with the girl right now. She was fragile enough as it is, and even if Luke didn’t want her to leave, she needed space and he respected that.

She slung the overnight bag over her shoulder, hefting it up, “I’ve called an Uber. They’re waiting downstairs.”

Luke nodded as Bambi stopped in front of him, and almost hesitantly, he leaned down, pressing a tender kiss against her forehead, “Stay safe, ok? I love you.”

The girl nodded her head, sending the boy a tight-lipped smile before leaving, leaving Luke alone once again. Yet, despite the heartbreak, he felt in that moment as she left, he knew this wasn’t the end. He’d manage to make it up to her, he was sure of it. He wouldn’t rest easy until he did.

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