#but still i know it’s more than that

[sacha-da-1]

Vent post

I hate feeling jealousy so much. I don’t want to be jealous of my best friend’s partner, but it’s a feeling I haven’t been able to shake yet.

#i know part of it’s bc i don’t think do enough for her and even tho they’re a great person I think she deserves better #but still i know it’s more than that #I’ve lost so much and it feels 99 percent of my affection is directed towards #i wanna be happy for her #but i’m selfish and i want to be her favorite too and not feel like it’s some competition #i want us to be together forever…. #but whatever she chooses is her choice and i won’t let something like that get in the way of my love for her #i had a previous friend who wasn’t willing to make things work again after I’d started dating someone #and i don’t wanna be like her #i wanna be a good friend and stand by her side #i know I can do that #she’s still young too #we’ve got time to figure things out #i just hope our friendship never falls apart even if she does find a permanent romantic partner #i want us to stay together and not let small things destroy us #i want our love for each other to always stay strong #sorry about all this #i usually tell her everything but i feel like this isn’t something i should bring up rn with her #I know she’d feel bad and guilty about when she shouldn’t have to #she still makes so much time for me even with her busy schedule #she does so much for me and i never want her to feel for something she deserves to have #which is time with people she cares for and her partner is one of those people #it’ll all be okay #vent post #vent #personal vent

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail'' #ah tumblr... #writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" ..... #no.... not really..... #idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing... #this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey. #idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me. #i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

[gatorinator]

“Walrus on your doorstop” this “fairy’s more unrealistic” that my professor just uttered the sentence “there was one day I found a real octopus in my backyard” this man hasn’t left Utah his entire life. How was there an octopus in his backyard in Utah. He then said “I do not have time to elaborate we need to cover a lot today in class” GIRL WHAT DO YOU MEEAN

#al speaks #we are fifteen minutes into class and still haven’t had any class cuz he was telling a story. wdym you don’t have time for the octopus story #stop class I want to know everything. I guess he would say he would be more surprised to see a fairy than a walrus #walrus or fairy

[noknowshame]

why is religious Christmas imagery all so joyful and pleasant? where is the inherent horror of the birth of Christ? A mother is handed her newborn child, wailing and innocent. Her hands come away sticky. Red. Simply by giving her son life she has already killed him. He is doomed from the beginning. Her love will not save him from suffering. Because the thing cradled in her arms is not a baby, it is a sacrifice: born amongst the other bleating animals whose blood will one day be spilled in the name of what demands it. the night is silent with anticipation. Mary, did you know? That your womb was also a grave?

#instant conversation enders for my multiple youth pastor cousins #don’t say it (I’m gonna say it) #The Child is The Price #but i mean come on #as someone who isn't actually even christian the real-life historical version of this is still cursed as fuck #i mean we know that jesus was a person who existed. whatever circumstances he was born in #its terrifyingly ominous to imagine being so unaware of the affect your child will have on the future of humanity #time itself will one day be counted around your birth of him #and all because he will suffer an excruciatingly painful death that you will not be able to prevent #not only that. but regardless of his or your intentions #regardless of whether there is a god #for millenea unfathomable millions will have blood spilled and will spill blood in his name #atrocities will be committed that you cannot even conceive of #and all on his and your behalf #you love your child. its beautiful. but there's horror in what you've done. because everyone else will love him too #and what's more dangerous than that?

[watchingwisteria]

listen there really was just something about how in the book, snow’s 3-page descent from hesitant lover boy to deluded psychopath happens entirely in his mind. lucy gray gives him no indication whatsoever that she suspects him, that she’s going to leave or betray him. he’s just sitting quietly in the cabin waiting for her to return when that seed of calculated suspicion, which he has needed to survive the capitol, takes a hold of him and chokes the life out of any goodness left inside him. it really drives home your terror as a reader that “oh my god did he kill her? did she escape? what happened to her? why would he even think that?” in a way that when the movie had to adjust for visualization it lost some of that holy shit this guy has lost it emphasis.

#seeing some discourse and im not saying lucy grey didnt know #im saying she never dropped the kind of hints that she knew like she did in the movie #or if she did snow isnt worried about them until he very suddenly is consumed by them #snow is not concerned about whether or not she believed him. of course she did! hes snow! #but then shes gone…. for a while…… #and its the sudden immediate drastic unravelling that comes across so clearly in the book #that i knew wouldn’t translate to screen yet still cant help but miss #the hunger games #coriolanus snow #tbosas #lucy gray baird #not a crime or anything just a note that i cannot stop thinking about #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #this is all from memory of reading it quite a while ago. so maybe 3 pages is an exaggeration #but i remember it happening VERY quickly and without much external cause #like we as the reader have no indication as to whether shes nearby or not. #snow has no idea either. he just SUSPECTS. and his suspicion breeds the hatred that has been bubbling inside him all this time #he hates how she undoes him. he hates that he WOULD run away with her if shed let him keep his secrets #and he HATES more than anything that she makes him WANT to tell his secrets #he wants to be vulnerable and reveal the ugly nasty parts about himself and still be loved #but he does not let himself and it is everyone’s downfall #he chooses cruelty bc it is easy and familiar and makes him feel more powerful than the vulnerable give and take that real love requires

[pineapple-frenzy]

Book 2 au: sparring sessions and short hair katara

They like to have sparring sessions in order to keep their bending skills sharp. They allow themselves to go all out and not hold back at all cause they know if anyone got hurt, Katara could just heal them

But anyways, wouldn't it be kinda funny if Zuko accidentally burned Katara's hair tho? Aofkqldkkajfjd

The "I think we can save the hairloops" line is from @linnoya-writes thank you for that!! :>>

#zutara #zuko #katara #atla #book 2 au #my art #i mentioned in my last book 2 au post that i wanted to include short hair katara into it and y'all were so supportive of it!! 😭😭😭 #so this is how i think it would go #it would happen as katara is trying to evade one of zuko's fire balls #she manages to avoid it but since her hair is long it still caught on fire #she'd be pissed so she water whips the hell out of zuko #and then promptly forgets about it akfhkakdkakdj #even after the sparring session she still hasn't remembered cause 'oh no zuko's in pain i have to help him!' #it isn't until zuko even mentions it that she remembers #zuko thinks she's more calm than i thought she would be after burning her hair so he mentions it to her #little did he know katara just forgor aldjlakdkaljd #n e ways zuko does feel bad so she offers to help fix it up for her #i think after the haircut katara would find herself looking in mirrors when there are any around cause 'zuko thinks i'm beautiful?? really? #zuko doesn't know this tho and he thinks katara is till sad about the unwanted haircut so he keeps telling her that she looks beautiful #and katara just keeps losing it aldjlakdlald #in conclusion they are idiots your honor

[chloesimaginationthings]

FNAF Cassidy is nervous to meet Abby,,

#myart #chloesimagination #comic #fnaf #fnaf cassidy #fnaf cc #evan afton #fnaf crying child #abby schmidt #fredbear #fnaf movie #fnaf 4 #fnaf fanart #five nights at freddy's #I’ve been meaning to draw these two meeting! #I still love the bit Abby will befriend basically anyone #so Cassidy and her being friends is actually very sweet #Cassidy is more afraid to meet Abby than Abby is to meet her BAHA #Cassidy knows she can come off a little intense #so she’s trying her best to not be so spooky #cc knows Cassidy is nervous too so he’s sticking close by to comfort her #luckily Abby isn’t phased at all by her death stare PFF #I gotta draw em again sometime 🩷💛!! #Abby always befriends the golden Freddys 💛💛

[stuckinapril]

friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me

#It’s just so different #even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol #in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps #if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it #esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends #no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr #u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS #meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life #this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation #like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !! #& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers #who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them #and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends #it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me #I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc #like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this #so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works #p

[tubbytarchia]

so ranchers huh

#sorry Im allergic to long posts but hehe uhh I wanted to post it all at once... #rancher duo #team ranchers #trafficshipping #tangotek #jimmy solidarity #double life #double life fanart #trafficblr #they are so soft and I have way too many ideas for art of them by virtue but Im gonna stop myself there #sorry if my human anatomy is awkward anywhere eugh #not terribly confident about my human art but we go all in baby #fuck it we ball as the kids say #in the way I imagine them Tango keeps his flames at bay when around people but does still walk around with his hair casually on fire #he just cant help it when Jimmy's an affectionate dog more than an avian though you know #tubby art

[eldritch-ace]

I too think he deserves a kwagatama

#Yeah Felix! Flip them off! #I didn’t come up with this idea but I absolutely love it #i know you probably can’t contact more than one holder at a time but oh well #also i don’t dislike master fu or natalie I just think he’d be critical of them #I also took away Colt’s hat since I can’t take it seriously and gave Fu a less western/modern costume #only mayura and shadowmoth know who this strange child is but it’s still cathartic for him #I can so comic #felix fathom #felix graham de vanily #argos #dusuu #emilie agreste #natalie sancoeur #mayura #gabriel agreste #shadow moth #colt fathom #master fu #wang fu #miraculous ladybug #mlb #mlb season 5 spoilers #image description in alt #art i made

[somerandomdudelmao]

I made some colored refs for my comic ~ And also some sketches because can you guess who is my favorite haha

#marble sky #marble sky comic #still have no idea how to tag this #art #looks at the comments under the first marble sky post #wow Tumblr d o e s like aliens more than twitter #ahaha #I had a great fight inside my brain and at the end decided to put this watermark on the ref #because all my character desighs and refs always end up on Pinterest. Imma need all Pinterestians to know who made those #👍 #marble sky refs #i guess #Marble sky ref

[caruliaa]

staff still hasn't given me polls, what should i do?

🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪 their moms 69%

🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪 their dads 31%

grace image os i get to look at her

#edit: edited the og post to what i want but to set the record straight i edited to the post to be mathematically correct right after the #first person pointed it out which was like ten mins after i posted the og post. now fuck offf !!!!! the rest of the tags r from the og post #for some reason i feel very immature making your mom jokes about tumblr staff. which i shldnt !! #bc they suck nd they still havent given me polls. but i ig i feel imature bc it a your mom joke 😭 but still i tihnk its kinda funny #EDIT: edited the post to what i want bc yall were getting annoying . but to set the record straight i edited to post to be mathematically #also its *mum* not mom okay i am NOT !! an american . but if i say mum everyone will j be like 'omg british' like i dont know i am #anyway. i want polls please. give me the rigght to force my mutuals chose between the most inane things #also i tihnk it wld b cool for the cs weekly blog. like w each episode #i cld do a poll of like. out of five stars what do u think of this ep #and it wld b a cool thing of which eps r ppls faves #also i cld have like. whose ur fave in team red whos ur fave in acme etc #id prob just have to go with vile faculty bc theres more than 10 ppl in vile. and ppl wld kill me if i didnt include nel the ell or whoever #it wld b fun !!! #oh btw csweekly thats i thing i want to start. prob on uhhh the 11th of feb ill post abt it more but its basically #a tag/blog for watching cs one ep a time watching one ep every saturday #ya !! :3 #flappy rambles #inaccessible #ask to tag #(<- idk. just in case)

[rileykeouhg]

MATTHEW PERRY as CHANDLER BING FRIENDS (1994–2004) ∞ The One Where We Say Goodbye, Matthew Perry 💔

#friendsedit #mperryedit #matthew perry #friends #dailyfilmtvgifs #centralperksource #televisiongifs #throwbackblr #cinemapix #dailyflicks #tuserrachel #useraurore #useryusi #userakrivi #tusercarolina #** #*gif #i know he's done so much more than just friends #but he's brought so much joy and laughter into our lives by playing chandler<3 #it still doesn't feel real

[hussyknee]

my disabled ass, after (1)good day: "obviously I am cured. in fact it may have all been in my head. who can say? now to rejoin society!"

me, the next day: "it has come to my attention that i may be chronically ill."

#who'd have thunk #we're all shocked i know #i forced myself to go to supermarket and ended up clinging to the shopping cart to stay upright #took two hours to stop shaking from exertion #then immediately corralled the cat to tend to his rash #mfer struggles and protests until he realizes all over again that it feels quite nice actually #and then goes deadweight and purrs *while* warbling mournfully #presumably just on principle #but it's all still more spoons than I can spare #i need to take him to the vet for his follow up in a bit #so fucking drained #send thoughts and prayers #ugh #chronic illness #spoonie #disability #knee of huss

[canisalbus]

Real fan art is coming one day, but for now I really wanted to see if it was feasible to simplify their gradients into something that would fit a simple style like Bluey’s 😅

.

#aaaaaaaaaAAA #they're so precious I can't ;m; #I still haven't watched Bluey so I can't really comment on show accuracy but to me these look spot on #if you ask me the gradients work really well #if you look at them and unfocus your eyes they look like their normal markings #Vasco might benefit from having one more band between the base yellow and the lighter brown but that's totally optional and might take away #from the simplicity of his design #their colors are so true to the way I color them which is both cool and kind of uncanny #like Machete's pink details which in reality are very peachy almost closer to light orange than true pink #and their colored linearts which use the same colors I use for my colored linearts #I don't know I thought that was really cool attention to detail #they're adorable #thank you! #gift art #apupcalyptic #own characters #Machete #Vasco #their lives would be a lot less stressful in bluey universe I reckon

[bloodydeanwinchester]

happy one year anniversary to jackles proving once and for all that he is thee most unhinged supernatural actorman and deangirl

#i still can't believe he did this??? #i don't even know that there's anything he could do this year that could be more unwell than this????? #but knowing him.......he could probably do it #i love that he's even more unhinged about this character than we are #jensen #spn #jenna.post