#but like emotionally and psychologically you are probably worse off?

[official-deified-defiled]

Which of the characters commits the worst offences? Very curious what else MJ does, looking forward to learning about it in game!

OH BOY

UH

BIG CW/TW AHEAD BE ADVISED SOME FUCKED SHIT HAPPENING BELOW THE KEEP READING

Short answer, Adryan and Hannah. They're actually murderers. MJ does kill, but only in the game. His life before MC he hasn't even really gotten in a fight (Ill go into detail below)

Adryan kills what he fucks. Sometimes while he's fucking them. Incredibly manipulative and horrid. Also a shapeshifter and will put on great displays to incite fear and establish dominance. Mind game type. Sexual torture with Geiger eldritch being. Also he eats people. He's a cult leader and a literal god, with the complex in tow. Disrespects and abuses your bodily autonomy to the extremes.

Oh. And the Den/Motherhood thing. That's. Probably the worst

Sometimes death is a blessing.

(ie/ex. Non/dubcon, cannibalism, gorefucking, torture, religious fuckery, heavy manipulation and mind fuckery, incredibly sadistic, fucking to death, murder murder murder, forced pregnancy of both genders, etc)

Hannah tortures and maims people in her barn shed. Extreme sexual torture. To the point where the sexual aspect of it is blurred. It's just sort of torture. And she's getting off on it. On her better days she cruelly plays with her prisoner. Sliding a collar around their neck and 'forgetting' the door isnt closed. Letting them run out thinking their free until the chain connected is finally brought to attention, going tight and yanking their asses to the ground. Stocks, spiked collars turned inside out. Eating them piece by piece. Slowly flaying them. She's going to kill whoever is in the shed. And it's going to be slow. It's going to be bountiful

(ie/ex - non/dubcon, genital mutilation, cannibalism, torture, gorefucking, extreme sadism, drugging, good chunk of drugging, several different kinds of drugging, good amount of masochism and self harm, just, brutal shit, murder, etc) Funny enough. Before the game MJ hasn't done anything too egregious. Any little obsessions he might have when he was younger was stomped out by the cruelty that eventually came from that person. That and thinking about murdering the townspeople. But that was mostly as a teenager.

During the game though. Oof. He stalks MC, breaks into your house, steals your stuff, or,,,,uses it, kidnaps them, does....stuff while theyre asleep. The worse his mental state the more likely hes willing to do horrendous shit. Even in the healthier state, hes like. Still keeping you captive for the most part. Alot of the worse stuff happens when you try to escape or are aggressive and mean towards him (without manipulation) Sanity drops He just wants you to see that he loves you. He's going to make you see that you love him. He'll take care of you. Terms and conditions apply

(ie, ex - dub/noncon, somno, alot of somno. kidnapping, abuses you boundaries ignores your boundaries no boundaries no boundaries unless you really lay them down and even then eh, worse states - violence, breaking bones, possible death, possible mutilation. Mental torture, but like, not on purpose, hes just as equally being tortured, dual natured, etc,etc)

#so like technically speaking mj is better? #matter of perspective? #hes the most survivable #but like emotionally and psychologically you are probably worse off? #murdersim #deified/defiled #murder sim #d/d #murderbabe #murder babe #dark romance #game.txt #dating sim #yandere dating sim #yandere game #yandere #my asks #mj.txt #hannah.txt #adryan.txt #mj #hannah #adryan #cw mentions #tw mentions

[howdoesagrapewrites]

GOLLY GOLLY GOSH, I JIST BINGED YOUR YANDERE GAYATRI X PAVITR X READER FICS AND OMG 🤭🤭

It’s so gooddd but I can’t help but wonder what would happen if the reader just didn’t understand love- like totally. This is so entirely spurred on by my own problems and IFHY by Tyler (live laugh love Tyler the creator 🙏) but like just imagine them x a reader who just doesn’t understand love and believes love is just being aggressively possessive and obsessive over someone.

I can just imagine Gayatri, Pavitr and the Reader getting into a heated argument and the reader just flat out says they hate them both with this dead stare- and then they follow it up with telling them both that they love them but now Gayatri and Pavitr realize there’s nothing behind the readers eyes when they say ‘I love you’. It’s not love, it’s straight obsession. Idk I just feel like it’d be an interesting idea for a fic :D

Also your writing is so good! You should totally take up a Career in writing or write a book, I just love how you describe everything!

𝙒𝙚'𝙧𝙚 𝙜𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙖𝙩 𝙗𝙚𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙧𝙤𝙪𝙗𝙡𝙚𝙙

Cw: the usual yandere stuff, manipulation, psychological abuse, kinda yandere reader?

Notes: I hope I did this request justice, I rewrote it a lot 😭if you don't like it you can always request it again, I'm really nervous about this because I don't want to disappoint you😿

"I fucking hate you both" the words leave your lips like nothing, like the grocery list, like small talk, like those words didn't carry the weight of the world. Heavy like a rock, and as plain as one, simple combination of five words, from the infinite combinations possible with the 171,476 words recognized in the Oxford dictionary, and the roughly one million words used by english speakers, it took you only five words to unleash hell, to emotionally destroy two people in ways one person cannot calculate or articulate.

You'd been accepting and supporting (you were simply unbothered, however they see it like that) of their unorthodox way to carry the relationship, you had a few "quirks" of your own as well something that they both accepted and loved, so this came as a shock. In Pavitr's mind, you don't mean this, you're simply upset, but his thoughts race back and forth thinking what did the do to upset you, what he did. It couldn't be Gayatri, she's perfect, it has to be him, it's always him, he's the one that puts your lives in danger all the time, it's his fault Gayatri's father almost died, his fault your universe was almost wiped off of existence, and now he has made you upset. In his mind there's no much difference between dying and being forgotten, or worse, even loathed by you, well, maybe there's one. That he'd rather be dead.

But Gayatri is another story, she refuses to accept whatever you meant. Her mother left, you can't leave too, she cannot be alone in this world again, and as if out of self preservation, she's possessive over you, over Pavitr, over your relationship, she's authoritarian but so deeply fragile, wearing her emotions on her sleeve, trying to be calm and collected, however she miserably fails when the scalding hot sentiments make their way from her chest to her mouth. She will trap, fix, change or break anything that is necessary to ensure she's never left alone again, even if "anything" includes your mind.

They stand before you, dumbfounded, with expressions that in less than a second can vary between sadness, anger, disappointment, terror, paranoia, outrage, and probably more, probably that's just the tip of the iceberg.

And all you do is stare, you watch their contorting faces and with the dead silence, it's almost like you can hear the blood pumping through their veins, full of anxiety.

Before they can properly process your statement, you contradict it, to anyone it seems like you're toying with them, like a cat watching its prey agonize. At heart, the cat is innocent, the cat does not posses a moral compass that will tell him to either stop or further the pain of their lizard, the act of torture cannot be sadistic if the perpetrator doesn't find pleasure in it. The vile acts of a creature that lacks malice.

"I love you" and life seems to recover its rightful flow, or it should, they could ignore what you said and take you back just like that, but it doesn't work that way, not when you have two obsessive lovers.

"What do you mean?" Gayatri is distrustful

"That I love you."

Pavitr notices first, notices your blown pupils and lost gaze, no emotion behind those eyes he adores, had it always been that way? Has every "I love you" meant the infinity of the void?

And Gayatri, she always knew, she loved everything that was there to love about you, even if you didn't understand, if she needed to show you the depth of her love through aggression, violence and obsession, she will.

"I love you too" they said at unison.

#atsv x reader #atsv pavitr #pavitr prabhakar #pavitr x reader #pavitr prabhakar x reader #pavitr x gayatri #gayatri x reader #spiderverse pavitr #yandere pavitr #gayatri singh #pavitr headcanons #yandere pavitr prabhakar #pavitr prabhakar x you

[pinkandpurple360]

OMG THEY REMOVED THE PILOT EPISODE!? like wow vize is really trying hard to get everyone forget about stolas being a fucking creep like this is some low level of favoritism right here next you know they gonna removed Ozzie’s and act like that episode never existed

I know right and the funniest part is Stolas in the pilot is a fucking saint compared to what we have now.

Pilot stolas: Calls Blitz about a job he wants him to do, then forgets about it, because he gets a bit carried away and starts talking sexy—he gets hung up on. He crosses a line by not reading the room, and is met with a boundary. His affair on his wife isn’t excused as him being the real victim.

New stolas: (maybe 66% of his abuse I’ll explain here? Let’s not even include Ozzies!!)

Abusive - mentally, sexually, emotionally, psychologically, physically, racist-coded, condescending, elitist, exploitative, manipulative need I go on.

A Wolf in sheep’s clothing. Pretends to be helpless. For sex. Exposes a minor, his daughter, to his sex life against her will, brings the (coerced and exploited) home wrecker with him to the day meant to be about comforting her about his cheating on her mom and exposing her to the resulting domestic violence.

Accurately racist coded and elitist towards the coded working class

The series has ‘recontextualised’ him to be an even bigger bastard than ever. And his manipulation and gaslighting skill is so unmatched, it is escaping the fabric of YouTube itself and brainwashing the thousands of viewers it has into accepting abuse as sexy.

All Viv can do now is give him several scenes with pathetic running mascara, a mean lady yelling at him, give him glass bones and paper skin, then kill him off in a self sacrificial gesture probably so he’s remembered as a tragic victim. FUCKING LOL

The events of the pilot have gone nowhere, the events of the affair are all the same, the dynamics are the same. Actually they’re worse now. You’ve just told us classist sexual exploitation and abuse is bad. You’ve shown us you can write a healthy mlm relationship without fanfiction garbage and abuse. It’s too late to go back now. Is this ok or not. Are abusers really abusers or are they just victims of circumstance? You have to answer now.

#helluva boss #the pilot was taken down as damage control

[lovinkiri]

Should'a, Could'a, Would'a, Will

Katsuki Bakugou x Reader

Soulmate Au!

Description: Bakugou lost his soul mate a long time ago. So when fate brings you back, he decides to take the chance (thanks to a bit of liquid courage).

Author's Thoughts: Stayed up literally all night writing this. It's almost 3K words long and probably the longest thing I've ever written 😂 And yes, I think Bakugou would be really soft with someone he loves if he's drunk.

But yeah, let me know if you guys want another part.

Warning: Alcohol use, Cussing, Etc

Katsuki Bakugou, also known as the number one hero Dynamight.

As far as anyone was concerned, he was the most brutal and roughest hero in Musutafu. He was never considered a happy man, and even though he enjoyed his work, it never looked like it.

He was cold to his workers, barking orders without a please or thank you. Anyone who had the misfortune of coming to his office was greeted with harsh scolding. There was no professionalism in those lectures, only venom, and crude language.

The only reason his workers stuck around was the pay. They’d lost respect for the hero long ago. Even still, they knew why he was always so angry. Everyone knew.

He didn’t have his soulmate by his side.

They figured it was a shame he hadn’t met his soulmate already. It was a well-known fact that going without a soulmate for so long could have negative psychological effects on someone, worsening depending on the person. And it seemed Katsuki had it worse than anyone.

God forbid anyone ever say such a thing in his presence. Katsuki absolutely despised the subject of soulmates, and everyone knew it. And anyone could face his wrath, whether it be nosy reporters, his workers, or even his friends.

Katsuki spent his days burying himself in his work. He didn’t need a soulmate, he’d told himself. having someone that important in his life was trouble waiting to happen. Besides, he wasn’t good at being emotionally available. It simply didn’t come easy to him.

So he suppressed everything in him that stated otherwise. He hid away the loneliness he felt walking into his empty penthouse. Told himself he wasn’t jealous of the kisses everyone else got upon closing the front door. He hid away the need for affection and instead pushed everyone away.

He stayed in this metal little box he’d locked himself into. In fact, the only time he let himself out was the rare occasion his friends, who’d known him since high school, dragged him off somewhere for the night. It was one of those nights that ended up being his downfall like he knew it would.

It was Denki who managed to convince him this time, filling up the explosion hero’s voicemail box until he couldn’t anymore. 

That was how Katsuki found himself sitting at a table with his buddies. It wasn’t anything fancy, just a small casual pub. He’d found this place with them a long time ago, and it was the only place they could still get away from the whole world.

Funny enough, he’d actually found himself having an okay time. His friends were laughing, the food was great, the game was on and his team was winning. 

For two hours, Katsuki joked, teased, and even smirked a few times. Some of the best parts of him were brought out and his friends loved to see it.

But then, he wasn’t smirking or laughing. He wasn’t teasing and he could hardly pay attention to anything his friends said. 

Because someone had said something that reminded him of you.

It was an innocent little joke about Sero resembling Spider-Man with his powers, but you’d said it first. Years ago in college, you’d made the same joke. 

It was such a little joke that no one had even remembered you saying. Except for Katsuki. He could remember almost everything about you, especially now that you weren’t with him anymore. 

He remembered because how could he possibly forget the way you leaned over him, placing your chin on his shoulder as you spoke to Sero? How could he ever forget any moment he spent in your embrace? Or how you kissed the top of his head when you pulled away?

He glared down at the table. Just great. Now he’d be thinking of you through the night.

Noticing his bad mood, his friends decided it was time to call it a night.

“It’s getting kinda late. You guys ready to go?” Mina smiled gently, standing from her seat. There was a chorus of agreements, followed by the sound of chairs scraping. It seemed everyone was ready to go.

Except for Katsuki.

“Go ahead,” He said gruffly, not even looking up at them. “I’m gonna stick around, catch the rest of the game.”

Eijirou watched him, frustrated at his own inability to help his best friend. He knew that Bakugou was just missing you, and that losing you had created a hole in his chest that only seemed to grow. “You want me to stick around, bro?”

Katsuki shook his head and Eijirou immediately understood; That was the nicest way the blonde could tell him to screw off.

The group left hesitantly, telling him to text their group chat when he got inside safely. And Katsuki only sent them a grunt in response.

Another memory bubbled up within him, but it wasn’t nearly as nice. Katsuki could clearly remember you telling him the same thing and walking him home at night. Sending him goodnight texts just to let him know you loved him.

What made the memory so bad was that Katsuki couldn’t seem to recall ever doing any of that for you. In an effort to guard his heart, he’s completely neglected yours. Which is what ultimately made you leave him.

Groaning, his forehead found the wooden table with a thud. His hand raised and he shouted, ordering a couple of beers. Hoping the work of alcohol would help him forget.

It didn’t.

Despite what others believed, KAtsuki was quite the lightweight. It’s why he rarely drank with his friends, and why he never drank during business hours. So after knocking back two beers and a shot of whiskey, he considered himself “hammered”, as Denki would put it.

That’s when you came in, literally.

He almost missed you, eyes darting from place to place in the pub. 

Ah, who was he kidding? He couldn’t have missed you. As soon as you walked in, all eyes seemed to be on you. 

How did you find this pub? It was small and modest, a hole in the wall.

Oh, right. He’d brought you here a long time ago.

He watched you sit at the bar, only ordering water. You sighed and placed your cheek to your palm, leaning against the table. You didn’t want to be there and you couldn’t hide it. As you looked up at the TV, he wondered what was going on in that pretty head of yours.

How coincidental it’d be if you’d been thinking of him. 

Yes, you were thinking of him. Honestly, it wasn’t very coincidental either. 

You were sitting at the same seat you sat in long ago when Katsuki had brought you here. It was right under the air conditioner, which let out a quiet hum. You liked it, keeping cool and having something fill the silence you were left with.

On the TV was the game, and you couldn’t help but notice that Katsuki’s team was dominating the other. You could remember the grin on his face as he sat in your dorm, leaning closer and closer to the TV.

Katsuki Bakugou. Now that was a name you would never forget. 

You hated how unhappy and lonely you were without him. It wasn’t fair that you knew exactly who your soulmate was, and still couldn’t be with him.

Well, maybe you would still be with him if you hadn’t left, But that relationship did a number on you, and you couldn’t neglect your self-respect for love.

Katsuki found himself standing. Before he could process anything, he began stumbling over to you. He had no clue what he was going to say and how he was going to say it, but his body didn’t care as much as his mind did.

“That seat taken?”

You whipped your head around, fast enough that you could’ve gotten whiplash. You couldn’t believe that the man you’d just been thinking about was standing before you. And that he actually approached you first.

“Katsuki..” You said, clearly stunned. His name was all you were able to say. It felt odd coming out of your mouth, as it’d been a while since you’d said it out loud. But it was nice and familiar. It felt right.

He let out a dry chuckle, taking in your appearance up close. “In the flesh.”

You looked just as amazing as you always had, no, you were even more beautiful now that he hadn’t seen you in so long. He took in as much as he could, knowing this might be the last time he saw you. 

“So uh..” He took a seat beside you, liquid courage pushing him to continue. “How you doin? What brings you here? Not that you need a reason to come here.”

You smiled to the best of your ability, swishing your water in its cup. “I’m okay, I guess. I’m supposed to be on a blind date.” You decided it’d be best not to mention that Izuku had set up the date.

“Oh.. That’s.. Nice..” He said. Of course, you were dating, why wouldn’t you be? You were a catch. Anyone would be lucky to have you. 

“Yeah, except the guys ditched me.”

Katsuki’s stared at you in disbelief, as if you were lying. “... You’re fuckin kidding.”

You laughed, and Katsuki’s chest swelled with pride. He could still make you laugh.

“Seriously. Sent me a text saying ‘Nevermind, I’ll pass’ and never showed up.” You shook your head, remembering how pissed you’d gotten. “My guess is he showed up, saw me from down the street, and changed his mind.”

“That’s not possible.” Katsuki sighed as if exasperated with the guy himself. “You look stunning tonight. Trust me, you’d be with him right now if he’d seen you.”

You smiled, your face getting increasingly warmer. It was like college all over again.

“Well, either way, I was in the area. I figured I’d come here and spend some time out. I don't do that much often anymore.” You said before taking a sip of water, noticing how the melting ice tried to urge the water to spill over.

It wasn’t a lie. You had been in the area, and you had decided to spend more time outside. You just left out the part where you saw this place and thought of him, and how that thought had been what brought you in here.

He gave you a nod. “Yeah, me neither..”

It was quiet for a couple of moments. It was awkward, but neither of you wanted to leave.

“Um, Katsuki, you seem drunk.” You pointed out, watching his eyes glaze over for a moment.

He blinked and turned to you. “Hm? Oh, yeah, kinda..”

You giggled, pushing your glass over to him. “No, very. You’re very drunk.”

Groaning, he accepted your offer and picked the cup, trying to chug it down as he’d done with his last drinks. You quickly reached over, pulling the cup from his lips, one hand on his wrist and the other on his chin. 

“Hey, careful there.. You’ll spill it or choke. See, it’s already dripping down your chin.” You let go of his hand to reach down the bar, grabbing a napkin and using it to wipe his chin. “There we go.. You’re so clumsy when you’re drunk, Katsuki.”

He didn’t know if it was how much you cared at that moment, the feeling of your fingers holding his face in place, or how amused you sounded. But Katsuki thought you looked like an angel.

You breathed out of your nose, watching him fondly before a thought came to mind. “Hey, do you have a ride?”

Shaking his head, he placed a hand over your to keep it from moving. “Was gonna try getting a taxi..” He slurred, shutting his eyes for a few seconds.

You took notice of the stubble on his chin, some Katsuki didn’t have back then. It was a nice change. You knew how badly Bakugou had wanted stubble.

“How about you stay at my place? A drunk hero, out on the dark streets. Sounds like trouble.” You pointed out.

He grunted, shaking his head. “I can handle myself.”

You frowned and Bakugou immediately regret letting those words leave his mouth. He strongly believed it was those words that ended your relationship. When he refused to depend on you and open up to you, it was those words that hurt you.

“Right..” You pulled your hand away from him, clearing your throat and standing. “Right.. I’ll see you then, Katsuki. I’ll, uh, call you a taxi too.”

As you went to leave, Katsuki’s mind began to race. You were walking away again, and the last time you did that, you walked out of his life. He couldn’t sit there and let you do that again.

Practically throwing himself off the chair, he quickly tried grabbing your hand. He’d missed, but the brush of his fingers stopped you. You turned to see him almost fall flat on his face. 

“Wait! I’m sorry, I meant.. I meant if I was by myself I think I’d be okay but uh..” He looked away from your patient gaze. “... I want your help.”

Slowly, a smile stretched across your face and you stood beside the man, throwing his arm around your shoulder. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say that..”

“Sounded weird leaving my mouth.”

“I think it sounded perfect, Katsuki.”

- One Car Ride Later -

“Alright, in we go..” You laughed, helping Katsuki in your apartment. “Lucky for you, I’ve got a pullout sofa.”

“Oh, I’m honored..” He mumbled, looking around.

You shook your head. “Someone getting grumpy. That means you’re tired.” You pointed out, leaning him against the wall and pulling out the bed. “Oh, please lock the door.”

Katsuki slid his hand over to lock the door, and after a few failed attempts, he gave a satisfied hum when he heard a successful click.

Once the bed was pulled out, you pulled him over to the couch. “You can use the pillows that were just on it. And I know you get hot at night, so I’m assuming no blankets necessary?”

He sat at the edge of the bed, looking up at you. “You really know me, don’t you?”

“Of course I do. We dated for years,” You said. “And despite everything, you used to know we like the back of your hand too.”

“I still do.”

Your lips fell open and you weren’t sure what to say for a few seconds. You weren’t expecting him to respond so quickly. 

“... Goodnight.” You smiled, shaking your head. 

Again, it seemed to Katsuki you were leaving him, so without thinking, he slid down to his knees. You watched, eyes wide in surprise. It was obvious that wasn’t an accident, so you were left wondering why he did it.

“Hey, are you okay?” You knelt in front of him, lifting his hair from his face to get a good look at him.

He took that same hand in his, bringing it to his chest. “No, Y/n. I’m not okay. I fucked up.” He hung his head, seemingly ashamed.

You brought your other hand to his chin. “Katsuki, talk to me. What do you mean?” You lifted his head and it was then that you saw the look in his eyes. 

Katsuki wasn’t one to cry, and he wasn’t going to today. But he sure as hell looked like he wanted to.

“I let you go.. Why did I do that?” He murmured almost to himself. “No, why did I drive you away?”

You couldn’t speak. You had no clue what to say. Was there anything to say?

“I should have been better. I should have loved you better.” 

I.. Katsuki, I don’t know what to say.”

“Say you’ll let me love you better.”

You swore you were dreaming. You wanted to say yes. Katsuki was your soulmate after all, and if things didn't work out again, they didn’t. 

But he was drunk. And if he couldn’t say these things again sober, there was no point.

“Let’s talk about it tomorrow, okay?” You smiled softly, helping him onto the bed again. You coaxed him onto his back, but he refused to let go of your hand.

“... Don’t leave again..” He mumbled, looking at you. His thumb ran over your knuckles softly and his heartbeat was soft against your wrist.

You sat beside the bed, laying your head next to his. “Okay, Katsuki. I’m here.”

- The Next Morning -

Katsuki groaned, slowly sitting up. He had no idea where he was for the first minute or so of waking up, then he began to remember bits and pieces of the night before.

“Fuck..”

That’s when he remembered where he was. Your house.

And right on time, you come into view, two cups in your hand. “Oh.. Hey. I brought you some coffee.” You walked over and handed him the cup. “I know how you like it in the morning, no sugar or cream.”

He slowly took the cup and glanced at yours before mumbling out the way he knew you liked your coffee. You smiled, the fact that he still remembered sending butterflies to your stomach. 

“So uh.. I think we need to talk.” You took a seat beside him, bringing the cup to your lips.

He nodded. “Yeah,” he said, “Yeah, we do.”

#bnha #mha #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #x reader #fluff #angst #katsuki bakugo #bakugou katsuki #katsuki bakugou x reader #katsuki bakugo x reader

[rhube]

ME/CFS and being difficult

I've recently put together something that I always sort of knew but also sort of didn't. I mentioned it on Failbook because there were people there who needed to hear it, but it's probably also worth saying here too.

I have always had communications anxiety (well, as an adult, as a kid I was much more confident), but it's definitely got worse over the last ten years, and substantially worse over the pandemic.

Some of that is definitely psychological scarring. I can easily pinpoint specific events and people who made me more anxious and changed the ways I needed to communicate to survive. But.

But it's also because of the ME/CFS. Not just because I've experienced more trauma as a direct result, but because of the physical disease.

You've heard of spoon theory, but what I think a lot of people don't realise is that cognitive activities also cost spoons - not just physical activities like getting dressed and bushing your teeth.

Thought costs spoons

UNEXPECTED cognitive activities, and a requirement to suddenly switch context, requires EXTRA spoons.

You know how walking through a door can make you forget what you went in there for? Well, sudden changes in topic, needing to switch to a new environment (such as an inbox) in order to communicate, or the need to perform a new mental task is just like that.

It's like you forced me to walk into another room and I lost all the threads of what I was doing and now I have to pick up new threads connected to some new task and also I have to remember what threads are before I pick them up. It's part of why writing alt text is so much more taxing than just writing a post and adding an image.

The alt-text box is a new room and describing an image is a new task. Both are taxing.

Unsolicited tasks

It's also part of why unsolicited advice is SO harmful and so UTTERLY unhelpful. Now I not only have whatever problem I was already dealing with, I have to stop dealing with the problem, process what you're telling me, think about whether it's helpful, and then explain to you why it's not (it's almost never helpful, but I have explained why countless times and that's a different topic).

It's also why on the vanishingly rare occasions the unsolicited advice contains something relevant, I may not have the mental capacity to reflect on and accept it. You're asking me to spend energy I haven't budgeted for on something I didn't ask about. And every single day I am already running an energy deficit. You want me to spend essential food-making spoons on assessing whether your off-the-cuff suggestion is useful. That in itself automatically makes the suggestion harmful to me, even if the thing you were suggesting might have been useful for me to do.

Let me solicit advice before giving it - I do my best to only do so when I have the spoons to think about and respond politely to the answers.

Because being polite - filtering my responses - also costs spoons.

The cognitive tax of this disease is VAST, and it includes emotional regulation. If you give me a new cognitive task without warning, you can go ahead and assume I won't have the spoons to regulate my emotional response. If I somehow manage to anyway it's gonna be extremely costly.

That's why I ask people not to use messaging formats I know I find extra taxing. The loss of Tweetdeck as a messaging system where I can have my DMs and other notifications open in columns on the same screen is actually devastating. That was the only messaging system where I didn't have to 'change rooms' to respond to a DM. (Mastodon has something similar, which I am trying to adapt to, but it's not the same and the adaptation takes spoons, not least because strangers seem much more comfortable slipping into your DMs.)

It's why I ask people to not send even mildly critical comments on AO3. The only way I can manage to keep on top of that inbox is by knowing the content won't be emotionally taxing.

I don't *like* living this way. There was a time when I sent emails for fun. I can't even imagine *enjoying* emails now. But I have finite resources to get through each and every day, and they don't add up to enough to keep my body and my house clean - somehow I have to find a way to maintain social contact (which is just as important as food) anyway, so I just...

It makes me spiky.

Tidy thoughts and emotions are as difficult to maintain as a tidy house

I'm socially spiky the same way there is *always* stuff on the floor and unwashed dishes. And yes, I *can* tidy the whole house (eg I have my dad visiting next week and a house inspection a week after) but the cost of doing that is HUGE. It has the potential to knock me out for weeks or months. And during that time the whole house is gonna get worse.

The cognitive and emotional cost of unexpected new tasks and context switching are *just* the same as surprise house inspections. If it's essential to my wider wellbeing to look in an inbox and respond politely, I will do it - and I *usually* manage this for my work email, for instance - but if it's not an inbox I have specifically budgeted time for and the communication isn't essential for my wellbeing, I may not be able to handle it well. 'Not handling it well' can mean avoiding the inbox for months or being 'spiky' in my response. Neither is ideal, so I try to set clear boundaries and tell people about them, so I'm not caught empty-handed on the spoon-front.

It's not how I want to be - it's pretty lonely and depressing - I just have no spoons at all available for dealing with unexpected cognitive and emotional tasks.

So I guess I just wanted to raise awareness about the energy expended on cognitive tasks, in case it helps someone else, or at least explains my own weirdness.

I do in fact understand some of the science behind this (neural inflammation, cytokines, oxidation, broken mitochondria, the vagus nerve, the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system - these are all involved). I have learnt a LOT this year, trying to find help where doctors aren't giving it, but this post is already too long, and I'm out of spoons, so I hope the tidy house metaphor is aenough.

#mecfs #chronic fatigue syndrome #spoon theory #cognitive fatigue #neural inflammation

[squishy-mochi-is-bright-pink]

Ew The Freak’s Sister

summary: Y/N is a transfer student living with Eddie who has joined the cheerleading squad for her college application. This is where she met arguably her least favourite person, Jason Carver. The pair bicker constantly, but to everyone other than them there seems to be tension behind it.

warnings: slight cursing, none others

Word count: 2642

A/N:Written because there is a criminal lack of Jason x reader content and I am here to provide. Might be cross-posted to ao3. This is a part of a larger self-insert fic I'm working on with my friends but can be enjoyed separately. I might end up writing a second chapter if I feel like it, or there's literally any demand at all. also, I put Chrissy with Andy because I didn't want her to be single. In this AU Chrissy and Jason never dated so there isn't any bad blood.

“Sorry Nance, as much as I would literally love to get this homework done early, I've got practise after school” Y/N complained thinking about the two hours of jumping about in the autumn heat they had to look forward to.

“I’ll probably stick around in the library anyway and meet up with you after practice, I might actually be able to focus. It’s impossible to get work done with how chaotic my house is.” Nance explained as the two got closer to their last class of the day, psychology.

“You're a lifesaver Nance. Meet me by the front of the school when you’re done. I think Eddies picking me up so you can grab a lift with us.” This had become a semi-regular routine for the girls where whenever one had an after-school activity, the other would find something to keep them occupied until it was over. Then they would catch a lift to one of their houses (very often the trailer) and hang out for a while. After their plans had been settled the two took their seat and got ready for a long hour of note-taking.

After class Y/N bid goodbye to Nancy and walked down the halls towards the locker room to stash their bags and emotionally prepare for a long practice. 

“Hey Y/N,” Someone said the locker next to Y/N’s opened and things began to be placed inside.

“Afternoon Chrissy.” They replied changing into a pair of trainers, “You have any clue what we’re doing today? We’ve run more than enough drills, we’ve gotta be on to choreo soon.” Y/N guessed as best as she could while they finished tying her laces.

“I don’t know what we’re doing. But, I do know we have to share a space with the basketball guys today” Chrissy casually mentioned. Y/N paused for a minute to process the terrible news she had just been told as if it was nothing was wrong. However, according to Y/N, there was a lot wrong with having to share practice space. Practically speaking it seriously limited what could get done at practice. Arguably worse than reducing productivity was the fact that Jason would be spending the entire practice making Y/N regret showing up. 

“Chris,” Y/N paused for a second. “Please tell me that you’re joking. I’m begging you, tell me this is a joke.” the desperation in her voice was palpable.

“Nope,” Chrissy said popping the p and turning around to face a distraught, fully ready Y/N, “ I heard it from Andy at lunch. Why?” Before Y/N could rise out of the little pit of despair they had dug themself into long enough to respond Chrissy answered her own question. “Oh, Jason. You two are always fighting, right? I'm sure he’ll be too busy with his practice to even notice you’re there”

He was not, in fact, too busy to notice her. Nor was he too busy to bother them.

In fact, since Jason had heard about the change in practice location from his coach at lunch he had been looking forward to some entertainment. Y/N was oh so easy to piss off on a regular day. During practice when she has to run and jump about for an hour in a skirt even Chrissy complains about being uncomfortably short Y/N’s buttons were going to be easier to push than the keys on a keyboard. 

Meanwhile, in the boys' locker room a very similar topic was being explored. 

“You guys think we’re even gonna get anything done if we have to share a practice space?” Andy asked the other guys as they got changed.

“I honestly have no clue. I mean cheerleaders cant take up THAT much room. It's not like it's a real sport or anything.” Chance replied. Chance had a bad habit of blurting out the first thing that pops into his head. There was never any malice behind anything he said, he just always blurted out the wrong thing. Sometimes this landed him in sticky situations, sometimes it earned him an eye roll and more often than he would like to admit it landed him in lunch detentions. This time it got him a light smack to the back of his head.

“Chance shut up you airhead. You try jump about non-stop for an hour.” Andy, who had delivered the smack, countered. Everyone else got the sense that Andy was just repeating back a conversation Chrissy had very clearly had before. Generally when Andy came out with something that well reasoned it was copied verbatim from Chrissy.

“I don't know how much we’ll get done, but it should be a pretty entertaining practice,” Patrick added pulling his practice uniform on. 

“Huh?” Jason looked to his friend for clarification.

“Oh yeah!” Andy said from Jason's left, making him feel like he was the only one out of the four who didn't get the joke. Even Chance is nodding along. Whether or not he was in on the joke, only he knew. “Jason’s favourite person is gonna be there. She's on the cheer team.” Andy continues. He emphasised favourite person and laughed a little under his breath. 

“Oh yeah, I guess she will be.” Jason knew exactly who they were talking about. This line of teasing could only be about one person, Y/N. He and Y/N had been trading back and forth insults almost every day since she arrived in Hawkins. When she first got here they bumped into each other in the halls and while she apologised he laughed a little and the seemingly sweet shy girl in front of him, mainly because he had no clue who she was, before showing her to her first class. This sweet introduction was promptly ruined when Y/N happened to find Jason shouting at Eddie from the other end of the hall calling him a freak.

The seemingly shy girl turned to him and began berating him in the corridor in a thicker accent than he had heard her use all day. She called him every name she could think of and asked him what on earth got into his head that raised his ego high enough to call other freaks. Jason was shocked, embarrassed and a little confused why the newest cheerleader was so insistent on standing up for the freak. He later learned she was his roommate and host-sister. Y/N and Jason hadn't been able to be in the same space for more than thirty minutes without a fight breaking out since.

These little fights had become a serious source of teasing for Jason amongst his teammates. Most often just found the sight of her on her toes, finger in his face while she ranted quite funny, they found it even funnier after he found out that the best way to rile the girl up was to not respond and just look at them smugly. This led to Y/N getting more and more worked up until they inevitably stormed off, cheer-mandated ponytail bouncing with rage. 

In short, Jason was looking forward to someone to aggravate for an hour. Jason began to zone the others out as he got ready he heard snippets of the conversation around him. He zoned back in occasionally to comment but he was mostly in his own world, up until he heard some of the sophomore bench warmers turn the conversation towards how they were excited to see the cheerleaders and their skirts at practice. That was when he put an end to the conversation and ordered the boys to meet him on the court in two minutes. 

That was a line Jason wouldn't allow to be crossed, not on his team. Obviously, being captain Jason was first on the court and met Chrissy who was organising the girls for warm-ups. Y/N was indeed there with the others tightening her ponytail before the warm-up jog. When she looked up and accidentally made eye contact with Jason their eyes rolled so far into her skull that for a second he worried they might get stuck. Jason rolled his eyes at her just before she jogged off. Sometimes, scratch that, most of the time, he found her to be obnoxious, annoying and a bit of a bitch. He had to admit she looked prettier than he wanted to admit in her uniform.

Jason spent more of that practice than he wanted to admit distracted. However, this may just be the best he has performed at practice all year. His teammates had noticed the improvement in his playing and a few theories were spun. Some of the younger ones believed that Jason had a crush on one of the cheerleaders and was showing off to get her attention, guesses on who it was varied pretty heavily. One extremely creative freshman guessed it was Chrissy and he was trying to impress her into leaving Andy, he was of course wrong. Jason’s friends assumed it was something to do with his spiked blood pressure from being around Y/N. Patrick had a feeling that it wasn’t just annoyance pushing him to play this way. Maybe somewhere, deep in his subconscious, he was actually showing off. It had gotten to the point where Patrick genuinely had no clue if those two still hated each other or just had two years of tension that needs to be worked through. He had a sneaking suspicion that neither of them was ready for that realisation.

Y/N’s practice was relatively normal. The biggest point of difference was that anytime she made eye contact they would flip him off as subtly as possible to avoid getting in trouble with her coaches. This fueled Jason’s fire, causing him to play better. Him playing better meant him looking over to her more every time he scored to silently brag. Triggering them flipping him off, and continuing the cycle for the rest of the practice. 

Jason’s effort made her want to try harder so as to not be outdone by him of all people. This led to both of them lying on the floor in a puddle of exhaustion by the end of practice, having worked far harder than a random Tuesday required. Neither team was happy about the sudden burst of energy as they all had to try and keep up with it. Most of cheer was spent on drills and the boys spent most of the day on practice matches.

By the time Chrissy managed to drag Y/N back into the locker room to get changed she was panting like a dog and Chrissy had questions.

“So why were you trying so hard today?” Chrissy was very clearly trying to sound casual.

“No reason in particular. Guess I just had a lot of energy.” They replied under their breath with her face deep in their locker, trying to dismiss this line of questioning. As lovely as Chrissy is there is no way she is going to take “I spent the whole practice competing with a boy for no apparent reason other than our tension-filled year-long rivalry” as a valid explanation that needs no further probing. 

“Are you sure? Because if you were maybe trying to get the attention of one of the basketball guys, I could help. I mean I’m dating Andy and he's friends with all the seniors, so-” she paused to fix her shirt “you know I could probably set you up.” Exactly what Y/N expected. 

“Nope Chris. I swear I’m good.” they replied as they gathered stuff for a quick shower, “I’m not particularly into eejits or cocky assholes.” The last bit wasn’t fully true but Chrissy wasn't close enough to know that. In fact, Y/N’s attraction to cocky assholes was not only well known amongst her friends, but often a source of friendly mockery.

Nancy had finished up in the library about ten minutes before it closed and took the spare time to grab a can of New Coke for herself and a bottle of water for her friend, who had an awful habit of not bringing any water to long practices. Before walking slowly down to meet her outside the locker room.

As Nancy arrived at the locker room practice had just ended, meaning she had at least ten minutes probably fifteen or twenty to wait for Y/N to get dressed so Nancy sat down on the floor and pulled out her well-worn copy of Carrie by Stephen King. If she was going to have to wait, she might as well be as comfy as possible while doing it.

After about ten minutes the boys started to slowly trickle out of the locker room. Lucas was one of the first and stop to chat with Nancy for a bit. Just exchanging pleasantries. Nancy hadn’t seen him much since summer ended and hadn’t found the time to congratulate him for making the basketball team last month.

By the time she was nearly done with chapter seven of her book, she was rudely interrupted by a loud scoff. An annoying scoff that could only come from one cocky blonde basketball captain.

“If it isn’t Wheeler number 2,” he said and when she looked up she noticed his blonde hair was still damp from his shower and falling messily into his face. He looked more tired than anyone else did coming out of the locker room and even Lucas had looked a little worse for wear.

“If it isn’t a waste of sperm.” Nancy retorted looking back down at her book. “You look more disgusting than usual than normal Carver, was it a long day of tossing balls into laundry baskets then?” she said, sarcasm dripping from her voice. If Jason had an offended look on his smug face she didn't care enough to look up and appreciate it.

“What are you even doing here Wheeler? Last time I checked this isn’t the editing room.” For some reason, Jason seemed to believe that his spot on the basketball team made him more important than the work she puts into the school paper. Social hierarchy bullshit and all that.

“Piss off Jason. I can sit where I want when I want.” her eyes rolled behind the book.

“You know, if you really wanted to check out the guys’ that badly you could just talk to us. It would be an improvement from whatever you have going on with the pervert-”

“Fuck right off asshole. She’s here to get me not stroke your mates' fragile ego” came Y/N’s voice from the door to the girls changing room. They turned to their friend “sorry I took so long, you good Nance?” clearly she had been in the shower because her brown her was tied back with damp strands framing their face.

“Yeah all good, just an annoying noise in here,” she said packing up her bag and ignoring the pissy toddler standing next to her. “Eddie still picking us up?”

“He better be or I’m calling Steve, no way I’m walking home after that practice.”

“Harrington? Please don’t tell me you guys have dragged him down to your cult nonsense” Jason seemed genuinely horrified that his old role model Steve “the king” Harrington had fallen to the level of Eddie Munson and his freak crew.

“What about it? Jealous you don't get to kiss his ass anymore.” Nancy teased having witnessed the puppy dog-like expression that Jason would often follow Steve about with during his earlier years at Hawkins High. Unfortunately, Y/N hadn’t moved to Hawkins at the time and missed that phase, meaning less material for mockery.

“You two suck.” Jason said as if it was the best comeback of the year.

“And you swallow” Y/N responded as the two walked out to the car park.

#jason carver #jason carver x reader #jason carver fluff #stranger things x reader #stranger things

[rainbowcarousels]

I'm still too sick to catch up on my fics or comments, but can I interest you in some headcanons about Nicolas de Lenfent if he'd survived into the modern era?

Utterly acidic in commentary, claims it's a lack of filter but it's just pushing the extremes to see what gets what response. Dresses up what he's saying like he's dressing for a performance, the difficult part is finding the important part between the venom and what he's actually trying to say. Armand and the threatre kids are still some of the best people at this.

Misses the theatrics and rebellion of the 60's-80's rock and punk. Dresses like a late 80's goth, something inspired by Siousie Sioux and Nick Cave with anarchic flair of punk. Can and will talk about every single pieces origins at length. One of the rings belongs to Armand. He's not getting it back.

Likely has a personality disorder, most probably borderline with it exasberated by traumatic experiences. Given the modern predisposition with mental health, has gone to several therapists over the years but tends to eat them when they annoy him.

Can and will get into the most knock-down-drag out fights with Lestat even now. One was about whether Bowie ripped off Bolan in terms of theatric expression, another about the performative nature of charity as a way to show purity in the modern era. ('You don't care about charity and if good deeds are done, are good deeds not enough?' 'I've done plenty of charitable needs - I've fucked you, haven't I?')

Always covered in writing, tends to just write on himself when he doesn't have paper.

Begrudgingly will look at Antoine's work, will rip it to shreds like Miranda Priestly looking at a blue sweater if he doesn't like it but will be helpful if he does. Antoine gets extra marks for being the replacement with musical talent. Feels closer to Sybelle (he understands the need for obsession as expression to the point of ruin to create something beautiful better than post) and encourages her to write more of her own pieces. Will listen to Pandora's without complaint. She was with Marius a long time, she gets it.

Big fan of like Baz Luhrmann, psychological thrillers and mindfucks. Actually does agree with Armand about Blade Runner but he's not going to TELL him that. Their relationship is complicated, but he doesn't really hold much against him other than he was supposed to die and he's grumpy that he's still alive. Actually loves the little gremlin for trying, for being honest when it seemed like everything else was bullshit.

Drawn to dark or just inappropriate humour. He has a 'the world is going to hell, might as well enjoy the ride if we're fucked either way' mentality and it tends to colour his interactions. The more emotionally uncomfortable, the worse the humour - has probably asked Armand if he did anything kinky with his hands and been disappointed with the answer.

#this is the most i've written in days so if it's trash i'm so sorry #also thank you for the well wishes i have medication so hopefully it'll go soon #but nicki is one of my favourites so here we'll look at my version a little #nicolas de lenfent #vampire chronicles #headcanons

[marley-manson]

Finally rewatched GFA and lmao I wildly overestimated how much screen time was dedicated to BJ and Hawkeye’s relationship, oops. I think it’s bc 90% of what they did get was dysfunctional, and they got the Final Goodbye of Greatest Emotional Importance, so it stuck out in my mind.

This time around I still loved Hawkeye’s plot for the most part. Had my take that once he remembers he’s fine talking about it confirmed with the casual way he asks if it’s couch time when Sidney approaches during his letter-writing, as well as him bringing it up later on multiple times, jokingly and not jokingly with Sidney. His reluctance to talk about the bus and his deflection was clearly intended to be a major Something’s Really Wrong Here signal, satisfyingly righted after the revelation with his more casual, in-character willingness to admit to and talk about his mental breakdown.

I am not a huge fan of Sidney’s method of throwing people back into the traumatic war zone asap lmao, I actually misremembered that as the army’s doing, but nope it’s Sidney. I know that’s the psychological theory they’re working with so I take it in the spirit intended, but thematically it kinda sucks and uhhhhh Hawkeye quits surgery anyway so they failed to make it seem successful even if he did operate a few times first.

BJ really is a mess of a character lol, I honestly have no idea what they were doing with him in the finale other than scrambling to find something for him to do, and like half of what he does is let Hawkeye down one last time. Also the reason BJ didn’t leave a note is because he chose to be pressed for time so he could land in San Francisco instead of Seattle, which was Klinger’s first suggestion for his travel itinerary. Plus his refusal to say goodbye functionally states the reason he didn’t leave a note, ie his emotional constipation, which is a very pointed flaw in this episode especially so I don’t think having more time would’ve made a difference.

Also relatedly BJ’s “I just thought there might be something we wanted to say to each other” came across even worse this time around because Hawkeye’s “Look, I know how tough it is for you to say goodbye, so I’ll say it,” calls back to it. It really genuinely was BJ demonstrating his inability to emotionally connect with Hawkeye without Hawkeye doing it first and wanting Hawkeye to read his mind and offer a heartfelt outpouring of emotion without knowing he’s leaving and while in a cell in a mental hospital and right after BJ, who should have more sense than to talk about babies in front of him since he was purportedly on that bus too, triggered him. Evil evil scene for BJ. Also probably my favourite scene in the ep, because I love Hawkeye’s rant so much.

“Would you hold me in your arms or would you let me lie there and bleed?” still works as a commentary on their whole dynamic, but lmao it really does come completely out of left field in the scene itself, Hawkeye went from 0 to 100 in like 2 seconds. It makes sense as an extension of the way BJ left the hospital and then left without a note too, as Hawkeye expressing how he feels about that after stewing for a while, but yeah the actual scene still made me go ‘well that escalated quickly.’ And BJ’s “you don’t even have a cold” response, just totally and probably willfully missing the point, gj guy.

BJ getting drunk and joking about running off with someone during the goodbye party is a bizarre choice lol, and I can see why people want to take it as an oblique confession re Hawkeye because at least it’s meaningful that way and not just making BJ’s scene there a dumb awkward joke. The other way it’s meaningful is if it’s a Sign of BJ’s impending domestic doom ofc, though I’m on the fence about intent there.

Hawkeye’s “I can’t say I loved you all either... but I loved as many of you as I could,” is such a good Hawkeye summation lol, in the jokey, flirty way intended, in the non-gendered way that’s probably unintended, and in a true-on-a-deeper-level way too.

Soon Lee was disappointing honestly. I thought she might have more personality here than in the last ep, but nah. The only moment she had where she showed any kind of personality was her line about wanting to see Klinger in a dress. That was a great joke though lol. I’m curious what she’s like in AfterMASH, but not enough to watch any of it. I do love Klinger staying in Korea for the irony, and I LOVE that it really is the same wedding dress from season 3.

Charles and Margaret were more entertaining than I remembered, I really enjoyed them rehashing old arguments here. I totally forgot that Margaret mentioned wanting to work in a stateside hospital at the very start of the episode before getting all the letters from her father. Definitely doubling down on my belief that she’s not retiring from the military at all, but rather just working at a military hospital. Love her speech to the nurses best.

Mixed feelings on the Charles and musicians plot. It’s fitting, but perhaps not solely in the way intended lol, in that it’s always always always Charles finding sympathy and attachment to someone only after they appeal to one of his pet interests or the sympathies he already has. He really doesn’t change that much - he gets friendlier with some of the other characters, and he reveals more complex and endearing sides of himself, but he doesn’t really grow lol, and once you notice that he only ever starts to care after he projects his interests on someone those moments get a little less endearing. I think he’s still a fantastically written, fun, and genuinely pretty interesting character, but he never quite achieves likeability on a personal level. But hey, maybe that is intended.

Mulcahy’s plot was honestly a little annoying lol, like, dude you made it worse by refusing medical help and keeping it a secret for the sake of like... one more week with the orphans? I do think it was appropriate that he managed to keep his hearing loss hidden though, because it mirrors the way he tended to miss jokes and references throughout the show, and I dig that angle. Also I love his little crisis of faith and the implication that there is no greater purpose or reason, shit just happens in a war zone.

What else... idk lightning round:

- loved everyone cheering for Hawkeye after he drives the tank to the garbage heap except everyone who was in the OR with him who are all concerned.

- also loved Hawkeye driving a tank into a garbage pile just as a piece of symbolism

- love everyone going back to work after peace is declared, that just sums up the show right there, perfect note

- still fucking hate that salute for Potter. it’s fitting, I understand why it’s there, it’s the most appropriate goodbye for Potter, I still hate it.

- that said I do love the like, 20 minutes worth of goodbyes lol. it honestly worked great, pacing, order, each individual exchange, the goodbye party speeches, all pretty damn solid.

- I did not remember that BJ got that motorcycle bc he just took it when the Chinese musicians surrendered lmao. love him driving Hawkeye up to the helicopter pad in it though as a call back to Yalu Brick Road and Blood and Guts w/ Hawkeye acquiescing for once.

- I think it was a mistake to include the forest fire. I know it happened irl, hence why they incorporated it, but like it adds absolutely nothing but an awkward continuity error where it switches from night to afternoon even though they should’ve been bugging out before that, and a melancholy moment where Potter looks at the burned up support poles, which sucks because that’s not a fond home for them. Like come on, if the 4077 burned down in season 3 the MCs would’ve roasted hot dogs over the coals. Also the military march verson of the theme playing during the bug out scene... yeesh.

- but yeah overall solid finale, pretty much what you need after 11 seasons, gj everyone.

#mash #marley on mash #mash s11 #ship hb #also i just got the aftermash/aftermath pun... still an awful show title but marginally less awful now

[alister312]

40 - gregstophe 🌸 57 - style 🌺 68 - bunny 🌼

in response to this, thank you anon!!

40. Who’ll be the first to snap if someone makes a bad comment about the other person? (gregstophe 🌸)

Christophe for sure. While I think they’d both get the same level of pissed off at someone for insulting the other, Gregory would be more likely to try and rise above the situation and straight up ignore the person. Christophe, however, is demonstrably ready to just throw hands at the slightest thing. I think both he and Gregory might be inclined to agree with certain insults to an extent though (like if someone said Christophe was filthy or Gregory had a stick up his ass). Not a part of the question, but I do think that Gregory snapping would be worse than Christophe. Christophe is just going to beat you up if you insult Gregory. Gregory is going to say something so devastating that it’ll leave a psychological wound that‘ll never heal AND he might also punch you in the face.

57. Who’s got the highest pain tolerance? (style 🌺)

I think Stan does, mostly from years of sports as well as all the guitar callouses he’s sustained. That’s not to say Kyle can’t take a hit, but I think Stan could take more hits than Kyle. However, I think Kyle eventually goes numb to headaches and muscle tightness. He doesn’t even notice how much tension he carries but it’s a ton— sometimes school, sometimes family, sometimes people just getting on his goddamn nerves. But this isn’t really counted as “pain tolerance” I believe so the answer is still Stan.

68. Which of the two would you choose to be stuck with in an emergency situation? (bunny 🌼)

KENNY ABSOLUTELY. I love Butters, I’m sure he’d be great company, but Kenny is gonna be a good hang AND he’s probably gonna have a knowledge/experience to get me through whatever the situation is. His vigilante persona means he’s both fairly fit and very brave. Growing up with very little I’m sure he knows how to make limited resources stretch and some survival lifehacks. He’s also he’s shown to be very emotionally cognizant of others, for both his friends and for Karen. I can’t imagine an emergency situation that Kenny couldn’t be theoretically prepped to help with in some way. Butters would agree with me and I know this bc when he had an emergency situation (his emotional breakdown in Going Native), Kenny was the main person and only person his age that he relied on.

#i like ur flowers for each couple anon so i put them in the post too <3 thank u very much!! #gregstophe #sp style #sp bunny

[backjustforberena]

How do you see the story progressing? I can see a lot of angst (which we love) but do you naturally see them giving in and attempting to be in each other’s orbit? Will they actively attempt to heal old wounds? Because rejection isn’t easy but when your dealing with a man as prideful as corlys it’s even worse. Bruh he can hold a Damn grudge. It’s legit a personality trait at this point and would be interesting to have some insight into how you would navigate that.

It's a personality trait for BOTH of them, let's be honest. They're both full of pride, full of judgement and confined and conformed to the scenario life has placed them in. It's also worth saying that, in this AU, they're at their most... I don't want to say vulnerable, nor do I want to say hurt, because that's not right. But perhaps... irascible? They're both coming into the story at a point in their lives where they are prepared for backlash and discrimination within the court. The fact that they have to reunite is just the icing on the cake!

For Corlys, he is braced for drama. He's preparing for it and he's even sort of inviting it a little bit. He's returning to a place he hasn't been for six years and totally loathes. He's got to engage with it, charm it and achieve his goals whilst he’s there. I like to think that he’s striding into court, he’s not even going to look at Rhaenys, he’s going to ignore all of that, he’s over it, he’s over her. He’s going to keep his eye on the prize except he totally and utterly doesn’t because as much as he like it, he’s confronted by something that makes him intensely emotional and intensely insecure. And Corlys is an emotionally-driven man, I think, which is why he thrives best on situations where a gut instinct is the right one, like battle.

Specific to Rhaenys, Corlys can't pretend to be apathetic, and cannot afford to appear as anything but that, to the wide world. And I think there are some really complex feelings towards Rhaenys. I don't know when the last time they saw each other was, my AU isn't that certain, but I do believe he gives some portion of the blame to her. To think otherwise would give the impression he thinks she is easily swayed or manipulated, which would undermine the very foundations on which he loves her. So that’s not an option. Rhaenys had to have had a logical reason for casting him aside, and that had to have been worth more than his love. But he was never told what that was, or given the chance to fight it all, I don’t think. I think it probably all happened very quickly.

Meanwhile, for Rhaenys, this is her at her most politically vulnerable, even more so than during her engagement to Corlys as this is in full public view whereas her relationship with Corlys and all the events of six years ago happened in private. Her mind is already full before the love of her life shows up. This is happening at a time at which her every movement is being watched. Where her birthright has been stripped from her, her father is dead, her family who means so much and for whom she sacrificed so much (Corlys) has largely cast her off. She’s very fragile. But totally determined to weather the storm, to make no noise, to carry on as normal and like her world hasn’t shattered. 

And then her ex walks in... and she’s totally thrown. She’s surprised, and both simultaneously off her guard (because it’s an emotional arrow she wasn’t expecting, and he undoes her so) and on her guard (because she’s so done up and protective of herself during this political environment.  

Luckily, in terms of them being in each other's orbit, we have the wonderful trope called: forced proximity. It all happens in the Red Keep, which is fairly austere and Machiavellian and oppressive. So that’s psychologically pushing them together. They will hear whispers and gossip about the other, they could forever be going down corridors ad fear that the other might just round the corner and they’d be stuck! And then grand events; balls, tourneys, court drama, feasts, ceremonies etc etc etc. If they wanted to avoid each other, they couldn’t!

As for that being active on their part, I think it would be. Unconscious to start with perhaps. There's the opportunity for them to think they are simply being courteous or helpful when actually it's a bit "above and beyond" and a bit, sort of, unusual. Even just defending the other or playing devil’s advocate - Rhaenys smoothing over political waters for him or Corlys complimenting her conduct to others. And then when they interact together, I imagine there are moments that just spark a light, that make them think of things in a different way. And it’s not just about their love story or them coming back together, but just about the different perspectives and yet complimentary partnership. It’s them both suddenly having an ally and wanting to be an ally. It’s slow going. They do just want to be together, and they do care about one another. The love hasn’t gone. The pride is in the way.

I’ve spoken about it before but I’d love a moment where, during their original courtship, Rhaenys was so happy and so colourful in her dress, it’s a bit of a shock when Corlys comes back (months after Aemon has died and Baelon been declared and court is essentially back to normal) and Rhaenys is in black. Head to toe. For various reasons that I won’t go into because this answer has become long enough, but there comes a moment. Where Corlys, in a quick, private exchange, gives condolences for her losses and says something like (writing off the top of my head) “You are still a Princess.”, “Do not bow” or “Let them know your mind.” - and anyway, it just gives Rhaenys that little push to reclaim that space, hold her head up high and she comes into the next feast wearing red. And all they do, at that feast, is make eye contact once. 

So, yeah, it just builds up and up and up. The cure for defensiveness is empathy. And they are both, finally, slowly, in a position to know the other’s mind and what the past six years have been like and who they are again. As well as that natural attraction pulling them together. As hard as it is, it’s almost too easy.

#corlys x rhaenys Persuasion AU

[magicalgirlagency]

I haven't properly watched all of amphibia as of now so I'm probably not one to talk but I don't understand what you mean about the emotionally dramatic stuff not having a point. I mean as far as I know marcy ultimately breaks free of the core's control and manages to make amends with her friends, and I don't really see what the issue is if the character develops in a way that they ultimately recover from what they've been through. (also I don't mind if you have to give spoilers in order to explain, I just need a clearer opinion on what you think this show did wrong)

Not to worry, I'll resume it for you: What was the point of resorting to actual on-screen child murder to traumatize these children, if everything was going to end up okay? Don't you think that killing Marcy off for a while seemed rather excessive and radical?

Prior to the finale, I was basically expecting the worst to happen; like I was so sure that there wouldn't be a happy ending, that Anne and Sasha would be forced to put Marcy out of her misery (hence the final episode's title being The Hardest Part; it kinda implied to me that a huge sacrifice would be made)... basically, I was expecting MOTHER3's final confrontation against the Masked Man.

But that doesn't happen.

And I was sitting to myself in silence, wondering what the fuck was the reason behind all of this turmoil.

I know I am supposed to be happy because it's a happy ending, but at what cost?!

What was the reason of impaling Marcy on-screen? What was the reason of putting her on a tube like some freaky experiment? What was the reason of stripping her humanity away? What was the reason of torturing her psychologically? What was the reason of transforming her into a super-soldier-CPU-puppet-abomination-thing?

What was the reason for ALL OF THIS, if things were going to end alright?! Tell me, was to make everyone anxious? Paranoid? Scared? Stressed out beyond belief?

And I'm not saying that Anne and Sasha aren't important on their own; but Marcy stood out to me the most because I could relate to her.

A bright young girl who loves video games and anything fantasy-related. She's super smart, but is very accident prone when she gets too focused on something. She indulges in her fantasies and uses what she knows to her favor.

Like, that's me. That's me, for real. Marcy Wu was specifically designed for daydreamers like ME.

So, imagine my disappointment after True Colors debuted. And what's even worse: Disney allowed this. They have allowed a child being murdered on screen, but they draw the line at gay characters (The Owl House says hello). That's some fucked up shit.

Like, really; if I got a nickel for every time I grow attached to a kind-hearted green-coded neurodivergent asian teenaged protagonist, only for them to be shamelessly tortured by the narrative and get the most harsh reality check ever and have their designs go under radically perversed transformations to showcase their pain, and have my expectations complete and utterly betrayed right in front of my very hopeful eyes, I'd have two nickels...

...which it isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice, huh?

Even if there was a happy ending, I am still upset that we had to go witness all of this. Was it even necessary on the first place? Did the the staff had fun doing this? Did they manage to get everything out of their system? Did they got what they wanted?

Long Story Short: I feel like I was relentlessly bullied, only for in the end someone come and say "It's just a prank, bruh!" after I become visibly upset and distressed.

Well, I ain't laughing, pal. That wasn't funny. Fuck you.

And call me a boomer if you want, but I am tired of seeing child/teenaged MCs being put in traumatic situations. It's 2022 already; how about a fantasy/sci-fi story with an ADULT instead?

[bidens-tight-boypussy]

Ended up visiting my uncle today. Started out p nice, he used my name even. until he started talking politics and about how its not his responsibility to feed kids and then he started on about “illegals” and at that point. At that point, I was pissed.

But. I decided instead of ruining my mom’s visit (he is gravely ill, not really all there, and she’s close with him and has major trauma from losing family before) I would make my point (and emotionally regulate) by leaving the room. So I sat on the floor outside the door. They came out after a few mins, asked me if I wanted to come to dinner and I had cooled off and went with them to the kitchen.

And then we had dinner. (the food was bomb). While were leaving and everybody was saying goodbye, he initially went for a hug (in my family, women get hugs and men get handshakes) and I went in for a handshake and he adjusted and shook my hand. It meant a lot to me, that he respected my gender even in family tradition. Even with the slip up, he still actually shook my hand, which was such a nice moment to experience.

Afterward, my mom said that when I had left the room, my uncle suddenly stopped talking politics and changed the subject. Based, he understands nonverbal cues! Also based that he realized he was making me uncomfortable and actually changed his behavior.

I had high anxiety the whole time, but once we got back to my sister’s place, I was beginning to have a full blown panic attack. I didn’t think it was that deep but…. According to my nervous system, it is that deep. Even though there were a lot of nice moments.

My guess is that the combination of seeing him again plus the whole politics deal put my nervous system over the panic threshold.

Unfortunately, I had the panic attack in front of everyone. As you might expect, I’m not a big fan of having a visible panic attack in front of others. A bit after I told them I was having a panic attack, the topic turned to how trump’s probably gonna win the election again, which was making it significantly worse. So I had to say “Can you please not talk about this while I’m actively having a panic attack.” I felt bad for not having a polite tone when I said it. I didn’t mean to, I couldn’t control my tone of voice in the moment. But I successfully set a boundary and it was respected. Dubs.

But because everyone saw it, I felt ashamed and defective. And I felt guilty for not appreciating the good that happened. Even though I do. Luckily, the kids didn’t catch on cuz I was mostly just pacing or sitting still clutching my arms with a thousand yard stare, and they were busy playing. Thank god, I did not want to be explaining this shit while currently experiencing it and already feeling embarrassed.

I feel so out of place in my family. I can’t remember a single time where I did feel that connection, to be honest. Maybe when I was 5. I always had a weird feeling about them, like a sense that they would turn on me if I didn’t fit what they wanted me to be. And well, it was true for a lot of my family.

Starting to realize that the chronic invalidation that I have experienced, internalized, and occasionally sought out has negatively affected me in ways I’m only just beginning to understand. To the point where seeing the person who, in 2020, called me sick in the head (and more) on FB would be enough to make it a panic attack trigger. When he did that, he confirmed my worst fears (in multiple ways) and caused a lot of psychological distress. He had DMed me about a political post to argue, and out of nowhere he brought up me being trans and how wrong and sick it is and that ill always be a girl and that im going to hell etc. Blocked him, hadn’t seen or talked to him since.

But yeah, I think that’s probably enough for interacting with him again to cause a panic attack. Even under the best of circumstances.

#i took 1mg ativan 2 hours ago and i still have physical anxiety symptoms #i only use it 0-3days a week #so i shouldnt have much of a tolerance right?? #so either i have a tolerance OR its so deep that the anxiety is winning #curious… #long post

[maganne-bonete]

Life and interest update ramble that no one asked for: General

And I'll probably make more for a while on a variety of topics

So I've been having, not necessarily stressful, but stress induced couple of days. It's hard for me to pinpoint but I think it's me getting overwhelmed with things. Partly my fault because of dumb decisions I've made for the past couple of weeks, and it's called going through the Youtube comment section.

But that's not necessarily the worst thing. It's more of, me deciding to air out opinions abt online celebrities in twitter dot com more than anything 'cause stans are some of the weirdest people on earth and one of them tried using my age as a gatcha for telling them off for being parasocial about a bunch of people's relationship. But anw, that doesn't really bother me anymore 'cause the twitter side of that fanbase just proved themselves to be the worse kind of fans for literally trying to emotionally manipulate their CC.

BUT, other than that, I guess it's also the reminder that I'm running out of time.

Earlier this year I wanted to get myself "prepared" for coming back to school. I took another leave to take care of my sister this time. Around last year's April she almost died after a fatal allergic reaction to an antibiotic. It left her severely disabled so I had to help her out.

In effort of trying to "prepare" myself I tried doing "productive" things like drawing, gardening, language learning, or generally cleaning up more. Which honestly, not that bad. I always considered gardening as one of my healthy hobbies. Doing more art is important for my field in the future. Generally doing other chores like putting my clothes away and cleaning up make-up brushes will be beneficial for me in the long run. I tried relearning french although it was very little like idk colors and numbers and such, but it's honestly barely anything.

But by the time it hit April I just got burned out ? And I thought, okay I'll be more productive by May. But would you look at that? It's already the end of May. And I haven't picked up a stylus, pencil, gardening sheers, or even downloaded duolingo. (Although I also have theories regarding this part of the year 'cause my mood tend to start shifting around this period)

But other than those things, I also tried writing again around those months 'cause writing has been such a struggle for me for the past few years for some reason. Like I use to write a lot but it just got difficult for me. And I NEED to get good at writing in general, fiction or non-fic, because I'll need it for college. But hey, last night I was able to write 600+ in one session over a fictional piece and I consider that a win.

Another thing that should've been something considered productive that I've been putting off was signing myself up for a comprehensive psychological evaluation. It was something I should've considered earlier in the year but the idea of leaving the house to go to Manila was always troubling for me at that time. For the past year I could barely leave the house so I could look after my sister. It wasn't really that bad. I'm fine with staying around the proximity of our house. But this year she has improved a lot and could even go to the bathroom by herself. But even then, I kept holding it off and now June's coming around the corner.

I think it's partly because I have this mindset of "I'm better compared to last year since I don't want to die anymore" but even then I still have OCD symptoms. I also still have really bad anxiety from time to time and I tend to get paranoid too. All of this is bad and are still problems that do bother me every other day. And honestly, out of everything "productive" I need to do before the semester starts, this should have been at the top of the list.

So I should probably get to it within the weekend, at least. And not get distracted with other things. I really really need to do that.

#marge's stuff #marge's life rambles #tw suicide ideation #tw death mention #let me know if there's anything else that needs to be tagged

[queer-as-used-by-tolkien]

Storyline Study: One Path Ends (S3)

First | Prev | Next (PoF)

So I said I’d talk about why I dislike One Path Ends, the last episode of S3.

Now, I love One Path Ends because 1) we go back to Orr, 2) ORR IS HEALING, 3) we get to kill Risen like the good old days and, for those of us wielding Caladbolg, we get to weep over it, 4) THERE ARE SYLVARI UPHOLDING TRAHEARNE’S LEGACY, 5) the ghost King Reza is still around ;alkjsdf;lakjsdf 6) well I think you get the point. “Callback nostalgia episode” yes, but not because of GW1, haha. I’m not saying none of this happened; I’m saying it’s not part of the Commander’s character arc.

The main reason is that it wasn’t originally planned in the pacing and arrangement of the rest of S3. Anet devs realized there would be a big gap between the end of S3 and the start of PoF, so they spun up an extra episode. Now, if it meshed nicely with the rest of the season, I wouldn’t mind, but it doesn’t. It ends on a high and happy note, which destroys the message and arc of the rest of S3, which is a negative Fall arc.

You go from one (1) ally and three big baddies, to being inducted into the Shining Blade (the Commander being desperately lonely and needing allies?) to completely making mincemeat out of all the doubts and insecurities that plague them in one or two combat sessions. That’s just… not how it works, in real life or in narrative story theory. That part I think can’t have happened right. I think the Commander’s trauma was just so bad it broke the system. I’ve spent some time analyzing the mechanics of the boss fight to see what psychological processes they’re manipulating, but it seems to hinge on “use the guilt to motivate you to do better! at some point you’ll hit rock bottom and after that there’s nowhere to go but up!” which. is. not at all how that works. That may have been what the Commander did, but in no way shape or form did it heal them from the trauma or in any way insulate them against it being used against them.

In fact, it probably made the trauma, the guilt, and everything else worse. If you’ve ever read the Wheel of Time, where Rand tries to “make himself harder” by reciting a list of all the women who’ve died because of him… it’s rather chilling to watch him get more and more closed off emotionally over the course of the series because the guilt of everything is too much, he can’t take any more. He shuts down and does his Chosen One duties, sacrificing everything he used to love, seeing his friends as pawns on a chessboard. Some of the other characters make it their mission to make him capable of laughing again, because he needs to be able to feel, to love, in order to fulfil his destiny. (I won’t spoil it for you, although if you play GW2 and can read fourteen books, I need to be your best friend.)

Anyway, that’s what would be happening to the Commander in this trial. Eventually they’d be hard enough that the trial just wouldn’t work on them. I don’t think it would take much, not when there’s nothing really at stake here and they knows it’s just phantoms, and not when they’s pretty hard already.

And that’s if the trial would have actually worked the way it was conceptualized. You can’t just beat up your own inner demons by yourself like that, without any emotional support. This is true for any trauma, much less the Commander’s specific ones, relating to loss and death as they do.

One Path Ends has to happen because that’s how we find the Eye of Janthir and find out where Balthazar went. We also get to kill Lazarus, because GW1 points - and also, because you can’t end a major season in a video game without a bossfight, and it has to be one where the player actually defeats the baddie. It’s just… not the baddie that’s at all important. (Why did we try to take him on with just the two of us, anyway?)

Take out it's significance to the narrative arc and the mission in Orr is a spark of green amidst the misery, it’s non-critical (it’s about Lazarus and not Balthazar), and gives the Commander something to kill. So it’s just a bunch of Things That Happened but didn’t change the Commander’s story arc or how they approaches their Lies.

Now, there is something I’ve thought about before: shifting One Path Ends from an epilogue for S3 and turning it into a prologue for PoF. (I’d still ditch the Shining Blade trial, though.) Being in Orr with its greenery, and the reminders of Trahearne, is the perfect preparation for the return arc the Commander is about to experience in PoF.

Like I’ve said before, the Commander isn’t a “blank slate,” they’s an Etch-A-Sketch. Anet has drawn a picture for us. There is a narrative arc. We can shake it up and do our own thing completely if we want, or we can keep and expound on Anet’s example. Their example includes this wonky One Path Ends for game-content reasons, and while I can’t bring myself to erase it completely (Green Orr is too amazing), I can negate it’s narrative impact or move it to a place that makes more sense.

#s3 #one path ends #shining blade #siren's landing #shining blade trial #wot #wheel of time #rand al'thor #psychology #trauma #story theory #fiction #narrative #storyline study