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nagipops · 3 years

Note

hii I love your blogs sooo much you're really talented (I just needed to say it sorry) so straight to the point, I already made 2 requests to you and I really enjoyed your writing so I would like to make another again. As I'm clueless about what to request I'll just ask for random hcs for konoha 11, idk if it's too much but if so then you can do with Neji (I love him so much), Kakashi and Naruto. Thank you in advance and sorry anything ^^

RANDOM KONOHA 11 HEADCANONS!

FEATURING: naruto, sakura, shikamaru, ino, choji, neji, rock lee, tenten, kiba, hinata, and shino

WARNINGS: mentions alcohol, drugs, food, bugs, and the tiniest nsfw mention if you get the joke. hehe

A/N: AHHHH ANONN this seriously made my day, im so so glad you enjoy my work!! 💖

NARUTO

you know how we all have “the chair”, where we throw all of our dirty clothes onto?

yeah, imagine that, but from the seat to the fricking ceiling

its just a GINORMOUS MOUND of clothes, you wonder how he even goes through that many clothes so quickly???

definitely shoves it under his bed whenever guests come over (somehow)

holds chopsticks really weirdly. but it works.

asked tenten to put his hair into space buns to mimic his sexy jutsu and went around flirting with the village

jiraiya was so proud of him T-T

comes up with the WORST pickup lines

they’re so bad, its almost charming. almost

has gone AWOL multiple times, disappearing from everywhere, just everywhere

it scared you a little, so you searched the entire village for him

you finally found him sitting on the ledge of a cliff, gazing out at the vast sea

concerned and panicked, you cried out to ask him what was wrong

he turned to you with a crestfallen, devastated look on his face and said,

“i bought shrimp ramen instead of chicken ramen.”

you’ve never searched for him after his disappearance ever again.

SAKURA

100% makes origami shurikens and chucks them at you

they are deathly precise and deathly sharp. seriously, how are these not illegal weapons yet???

writes threatening motivational notes to herself on the mirror

“u got this!” “make sure to smack naruto today!” “ino sucks!”

her backpack would always be way too high up on her back. idk why but. it would

does her hair all nice and pretty before she goes out but once she arrives to her destination SHE KEEP. TAKING. IT OUT. and redoing it over and over and over again

like it’s impossible to make eye contact with her because she’s holding a bobby pin between her teeth while braiding her hair

her guilty pleasure would be hostess treats

ding dongs are her favorite. don’t ask me how i know, i just know.

eats the yellow starbursts just to spite naruto and all her haters

loves small lap dogs, she think’s they’re so cute and cuddly

but she especially loves chihuahuas

they’re so feisty and naruto HATES them, so of course she had to go and get one for herself

dresses the poor dog up in little bonnets and jackets and ties its tiny fuzzy hairs into pigtails

she and the chihuahua are not that much unlike <3

SHIKAMARU

this man is a god at shogi but he absolutely SUCKSSSS at cup pong.

is this an ick? idk. but he is absolute trash at this game.

it gets even worse when he’s got a couple drinks in him

tries to calculate the velocity and acceleration and angle and shit but his shot is always a good two feet off BYE 😭

just mutters an “aw, shit” before awaiting his turn again

hates checkers, loves chess

“checkers is for WUSSIES” - shikamaru nara

i said this in another post, but he is Very Good at whistling

like that’s his hidden talent

can copy any tune with the perfect pitch and rhythm

speaking of, he can do really cool tricks with his tongue

like making a four leaf clover, touching the bridge of his nose with it, flipping it upside down, you name it

he has slanted, scrawled handwriting, to the point where it’s almost illegible

wbk he cheats in school SO OFTEN. but he never gets caught. he’s not stupid, he just couldn’t care less about his classes.

thinks weed and e-cigs are stupid, cigarettes are where it’s at

you just can’t replicate the feeling of taking a drag from a cig after a long, tiring day

plus he looks hella cool while doing it B)

INO

teaches the boyz™️ how to braid their hair

like they all gather in a circle around this feisty fashionista and fail attempt to braid their hair

sakura was just fuming in the sidelines

“OI, INO-PIG, THAT’S A DUTCH BRAID, NOT A FRENCH BRAID!!”

yeah, ino 🙄

the only one that can actually do it is neji because a) this man is talented af and b) he’s got the long hairrr

ino probably envies his thick, sleek hair because hE’S a bOy

also asks everyone for their blood type and zodiac signs and tells them if they’re compatible with her or not

and definitely judges you for your sign 😣

“oh, you’re a gemini? hmm, what a shame...”

makes bouquets for her favorite people and kin assigns everyone a flower

only assigns the pretty nice ones to the people she likes (sorry sakura, you’re out of luck)

one of her favorite hobbies is crafting! she’s really good with details and small things so she loves making those miniature dollhouses and stuff

also really good at watercoloring. especially painting flowers and landscapes

also i feel like she would be really good at playing any instrument because of her skilled hands

can play a badass flute solo. period.

CHOJI

would honestly rather die than get anywhere NEAR an asparagus

he just thinks they’re so gross and bitter and NOT SALTY

he always eats his yakiniku a little bit undercooked because he’s way too impatient to wait for it to cook fully. who do you think he is??

whenever he cloud gazes with shikamaru, when asked what he thinks a cloud looks like, he just says some sort of food

“oi, choji, what does that one look like to you?”

“a... yakiniku grill... with... pineapple rings on it! ooh, and a wagyu steak right there!”

he thinks pringles are an abomination to society. where’s the crisp? where’s the grease? where’s the saltiness?!!!

asks ino to teach him how to do his hair all fancy and the two of them devote an entire day learning different hairstyles

it’s his new favorite thing to do now :D

he really likes crayons!!!!

like he’ll write with them, draw with them, color with them, do everything with them

he’s even tried to eat them. he said they tasted good.

definitely had the 128 crayon pack WITH THE BUILT-IN SHARPENER, and everyone thought he was the coolest kid in town

he ate it UP, he even scored some bbq dates with the ladies

i also feel like he loves basketball, and he has a MEAN slam dunk

like his vertical isn’t that high, but the man can REACH

he loves when people laugh at him when he challenges them to a 1v1 and then proceeds to absolutely destroy them <3

NEJI

he seems like a cucumber kind of guy.

just cucumber

like i feel like he puts it in everything; soba, salads, sandwiches, his face, yeah

it’s mellow and cool, just like him!

speaking of, i feel like he lives for spa days and facials

it just lets him be alone in his little cucumber scented world for an hour or two and he gets damn clear skin from it as well

seriously he has PERFECT skin. flawless. not a single blemish. his cheeks feel like baby butts they’re so smooth.

i feel like he’d be a god at solving rubik’s cubes, don’t ask me why

like if anyone scrambled theirs on accident they would just take it to neji and he’d solve it in the blink of an eye

CAT PERSON!!! loves the little meow meows

who are we kidding, neji basically is a cat; agile, aloof, does silly things without trying to, very cute

he just feels akin to the little fuzzballs and he thinks petting cats are extremely therapeutic. good for the soul

he is a golf man. he would take his juniors golfing and everyone thinks he’s uncool. cmon neji let them go to the skate park at least T-T

also very good at karaoke, definitely surprised everyone once he got a few drinks in him since he started serenading you

LIGHTWEIGHT!!! do not get more than one shot of alcohol in him. he will go berserk.

i also feel like he’d really love photography; not taking pictures of people, but of nature

he loves taking a quiet stroll through a pretty forest and snapping pictures of all the unique flora and fauna

it’s so serene ︶ ‿ ︶

ROCK LEE

100% milly rocks everywhere

gai got in on it too once he asked what lee was doing

“is that what all the youthful cool kids do these days!”

they also dab together. a lot

DO NOT BE SEEN WITH THESE TWO!!! you are not associated with them.

definitely is the one breakdancing in the middle of the dance circle at a high school party

he’s mad skilled at it too

headspins and windmills galore

challenged naruto to a dance-off and completely OBLITERATED him

lee then asked if naruto wanted a rematch, this time with one hand tied behind lee’s back

naruto obliged, and he STILL lost

RIP naruto and his fangirls, they all scrambled to lee afterwards T-T

i feel like his favorite subject is science

not the boring physics equations and laws and theories but the fun EXPERIMENTS

definitely has singed all of his hair off one time and he went to gai blubbering to help him grow back his precious hair

but he loves experimenting with different combinations and chemicals to get different reactions each time

created a potent love potion and carried it around with him all day one day

and it was actually working

girls were flocking to him left and right, staring at his lips and his face

he was so abashed at the sudden attention

heck, it even worked on sakura

“oi, lee-san!”

“hehe, yes, sakura-san?”

her eyes shifted downwards to his lips and his heart thumped harder

“hey... lee-san?”

“what is it?”

“you have something on your lip. we’ve been trying to tell you all day but you just winked and blew kisses at us.”

legend has it lee has still not recovered to this day.

TENTEN

has THE prettiest handwriting. and she can write SUPER fast

it’s like a superpower

like she transcribed five pages of a report in less than two minutes with perfect handwriting

naruto is so jealous.

she is also super good at origami! those diligent, accurate hands aren’t just for throwing things

taught sakura how to make shurikens but does NOT endorse any violent uses of them

she can replicate all of her weapons with paper and they can actually function, it’s so cool

made paper kunai knives one day and the wholeee village wanted to get their hands on them

i feel like she’d listen to mitski. idk i just get those vibes

LOVES BIG DOGS!! especially fluffy wuffy samoyeds

like man’s best friend?? no, GIRL’S BEST FRIEND!!

hugs and cuddles and squishes all the big dogs

she thinks small dogs are spawns of satan

sakura and her have definitely quarreled over this

but at the end of the day, all dogs are adorable fur babies, so she lets it slide :,)

KIBA

kiba always looks SO GOOD in photos you take of him, candid or not

like you could just whip out a camera and snap a photo of him at any given moment and he would look perfect

you framed a picture of him yelling at akamaru for peeing inside the house

it’s pure artwork

i feel like he tries to swagger around with his hands shoved in his pockets but it fails MISERABLY and the girls are wondering if he broke his leg or something 😭

kiba just walk normally. for the love of god please just walk normally.

he tries to slump back in his chair really low but one time he slouched way too low so he slipped off of his chair and onto the ground LMFAOOOO

he just wallowed there... in shame...

also.. he LOVES when the girls put makeup on him!!

he tries to act like he hates it. but it secretly gives him so much confidence

not to mention the girls hyping him up are a huge ego boost

okay the inside of his jacket hood is the warmest. thing. EVER!!!

seriously, no wonder this dude is so happy-go-lucky all the time, he’s living in literal heaven 24/7

it’s like you’re sleeping on a cloud inside a warm, cozy bed during a cold winter morning

10/10 would recommend letting him give you his sweatshirt when you’re chillin with a hair tie ❤️

HINATA

always smells like lavender soap. always

also has the cutest pencil pouches with little puppy faces and kawaii things

oH and she has those mini yoobi highlighters, she thinks they’re so cute (and functional!)

everyone flocks to her to try them out and marvel at the cute tiny highlighters

and they try to steal them from her but she doesn’t even stop them because she’s too timid to 😭

naruto goes BALLISTIC over them

she lets him have all of them <3

tennis girl!!! tennis girl.

all of her opponents always underestimate her because she’s so timid and shy and quiet

but she has a KILLER serve

and then she takes her opponents to the slaughterhouse with a complete shutout ;)

she’s really athletic believe it or not, she can beat most of the boys in a mile run and she has incredible endurance

i feel like she really loves velvet scrunchies

she just thinks they’re so pretty and they keep her hair soft so they’re cute and functional

also takes the PRETTIEST notes!!

color codes, dividers, headers, you name it, it’s all super readable too its insane

everyone asks her for her notes, not to study but just to appreciate the pure artwork that it is ^w^

SHINO

shino is SO easy to prank

“how do you catch an eyemaster?” *cue naruto and kiba snickering*

“eyemaster bait. that is because—”

even when everyone’s laughing their asses off, he still continues to explain his answer since he does NOT GET THE JOKE

tried his hand at writing haikus

here’s his best one so far:

“Bugs are amazing. That is because they are bugs. Bugs are very nice.” - Shino Aburame

VERY proud of it, since it took him weeks to perfect

praise it, pls

had one of those ant farms and bug-catching kits as a kid

and he would fill the kit TO THE BRIM. LIKE IT WAS HEAVY BECAUSE THERE WERE SO MANY BUGS.

he loves the little chitters of the different bugs

he had jars of different bugs all lined up on a wall shelf in his room

collects silkworms off of trees and sticks them into his pockets (no i definitely did not do this as a kid...)

HELP I FEEL LIKE he would record a timelapse of his ant farm growing and upload it to youtube with a movie maker title screen that says

“my ants”

if you enjoyed this post, likes and reblogs are much appreciated :) feel free to request here, and make sure to read the rules first! have a lovely day everyone <3

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delfiore · 3 years

Text

what’s up buttercup…

wow embarrassing, i haven’t posted anything in like 2 weeks? 😬 i’m rly sorry everyone, i’ve been working on stuff in my personal life and now that school’s out, i’ve been taking the time to rest too. i have been working on a lizzie x reader fic that i promised a while ago. underneath is a sneak peek if you wanna read.

i’m posting this just to let you guys know where i’m at and also to push myself to finish this lol I WILL SOON I PROMISE.

oh and HAPPY PRIDE! 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

You sat on the steps outside one of the makeup trailers, waiting for someone to call your name to get ready for filming. Though you were antsy, the nicotine you inhaled somewhat calmed your mind. At footsteps creaking on the stairs, you turned around and moved for to the side for them to walk past.

“You smoke?” It was the voice you dreaded to hear.

“Yeah,” you said, watching Lizzie sit down next to you, “just once in a while. Helps me clear my head.”

“I used to smoke too when I was younger, but I quit.” She rubbed her arm; the night’s chill was catching up on her.

You wouldn’t tell her about how the cigarettes calm you, how you would imagine a scene from the script play out in the smoke, how your mind seems to slow down when your stick those deadly things in your mouth. You wouldn’t tell her, as you knew she wouldn’t tell you how she quit.

“I assumed you found other things to replace it with?”

“Yeah, I do gardening now. It’s weirdly therapeutic, caring for another being like that. One time I almost missed work trying to pick out worms that have festered in my crops. If I left them there for that morning, my whole plot of strawberries might have all died.” She looked at you, smiling. “It gives you responsibility.”

Look at this woman, who thinks about gardening, of all things, in such a nurturing way. The cigarette suddenly felt foreign in your hand, its smoke wavering in your vision like an invitation to take another hit.

“I wish I had the willpower.” You said, smiling slightly.

“You will,” there was a glint in her eyes, “if you have something to fight for.”

You felt bold, though your heart hammered in her chest. “What’s yours?”

Lizzie didn’t answer at first, but she took the fuming stick from your hand and put it between her lips. You watched the end of the cigarette glare red before she puffed out the smoke.

“See you inside.” She said, then handed you the cigarette and walked towards set.

You looked down at the damp spot on the cigarette where her lips had been. You wished you hadn’t said anything at all.

#elizabeth olsen x reader #wanda maximoff x reader

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dreamsmp-au-ideas · 3 years

Note

If I may ask, do you have any headcanons for the hollow crown au you want to share? I love the new au so much!

Aw yeah. I have so much angst and fluff for this. This got so long. I have so many ideas

-Punz bonded with the kid after George and Tubbo’s spar and Sapnap annoying him into doing it. Several talks and meet ups later and he has told Sapnap and George that if anything happened to the kid then he would kill everyone in this fallen kingdom and then himself

-Several characters has seen Tubbo nearly die on one mask and they were all panicking when that happened. Oh god Tubbo please stop doing dangerous things and going into dangerous situations oh god

-Tubbo has magic as usual and those come in the form of Shade Soul, Descending Dark, and Abyss Shriek. He likes to use Abyss Shriek to get the attention of others and to wake them up.

-Bad, Ant, and Sam has adopted Tubbo as their child that they didn’t know they had after he kept on visiting them

-Tommy, like I said before, almost died in the Colosseum of Fools. Tubbo and Wilbur were watching and had to be restrained from going after Tommy. He’s got a pretty nasty scar from it and he finds it cool

-Due to new Purpled lore, he is simultaneously in charge of the Colosseum of Fools and is the Champion of it. He goes to Dirtmouth after Tubbo beats him and honestly he isn't going to stop being in charge of it but somehow he still gets integrated in the found family

-There are very few writings that were found undamaged in L’Manberg. Anything else has been burned or tore into pieces. The biggest destruction of history had to be L’Manberg’s library. It’s depressing to go through the ruins and Fundy can be found there mourning at the lost history

-Fundy, Phil, and Karl are the only reliable historians of L’Manberg, with Phil and Karl being the only ones who can really translate ancient texts. Ranbob would be on there if it wasn’t for the fact that he’s a Dream Kinnie and has a lot of biased history. Also he tried to kill Tubbo so that’s a bit of a downer

-Puffy has therapy office in Dirtmouth after everything. At this point everyone needs therapy honestly

-The Soul Sanctum fucking sucks and no one likes it. Both when the people there were uninfected and are now infected

-If you Dream Nail people like Niki, Punz, Bad, Ant, and Fundy in the beginning of Tubbo’s quest (alternate timeline where he somehow got dream nail early), you get very lovely dialogue where they don’t see Tubbo as a person :’)

(Punz: ...Does George and Sapnap know that it’s not really alive?

Niki: A void creature? No doubt to replace its descendent. That cannot happen. It will stop at nothing to reach its goal and I must stop them.

Fundy: Do I say something? I know that void isn’t really supposed to feel things or do anything but this feels awkward.

Bad: Why is Sam treating them like they can respond?

Ant: It’s been a while since a void creature came up here. If the corpses at Deepnest is anything to go by, I don’t think its going to last long.)

-To negate this, I have it so that Puffy, Sapnap, Sam, Wilbur, and Tommy all have early Dream Nail dialogue where they already see Tubbo as a person and think that he’s a weird kid but they care for him

(Tommy: I’m going to be friends with that kid if it’s the last thing I do. We’re going to become best friends and he’s going to become my brother!

Wilbur: The kid is a bit weird but they’re nice enough to listen to my rambling. They also been eyeing my guitar a bit. Maybe I should go and teach him some chords the next time we meet.

Puffy: They’re a little weird but they got the spirit. Might be a little shy but that’s okay. It’s not every day a teenager goes and adventures around here. In fact maybe I should stick with them for a little while...

Sam: The kid is alive. I don’t care if they’re from the void. I don’t care if they can’t allegedly feel emotions. They still should be treated like a person, because that’s what they are. A person.

Sapnap: Can’t feel anything my ass! They just went and light up when we went and talked to them! They have emotions. They just have trouble expressing them!)

-Nosk still exists in this au. First time you fight them, it takes form as Tommy in the regular fight and in Godhome, it takes form as Wilbur. It’s very sweet because according to the lore, Nosks take form of the people the person cares the most. Then it gets bad when it just turns into a spider thing. It’s nice after the fight. It’s terrifying during the fight.

-Tubbo’s least favorite places are Deepnest, Fungal Wastes, and the Infected Crossroads

-Eret, when they get out of the egg, is just freaking out by the world today because it’s been a couple decades since they saw the world.

-Schlatt weirdly enough also gives lore on L’Manberg’s history but it really isn’t much. Just some stuff about him knowing that his ancestor was the last ruler of L’Manberg before dying. He doesn’t really care about it but it is interesting.

-Tubbo gets to have more boss battles with other people, as a treat. Sometimes the biggest bondings is beating up an infected thing. It also proves to be incredibly therapeutic for some people, specifically George.

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neutron-stars-collision · 3 years

Text

The Art of Inversion

Neil x Reader

Chapter 17 - Hiding

Masterlist; Chapter 16

Summary: After dealing with awkward aftermath of your moment in Oslo, you and Neil take time to get to know each other during your evening off in London. It leads to a few revelations and important conversations...

Warnings: angst; mentions of loss; psychological issues discussed (kind of); swearing.

Author’s Notes: So this incredibly long and rather heavy on the talking side but also was weirdly therapeutic for me... I swear we’ll get back into the action/fun times soon but this had to happen for these two. Hope you enjoy and please leave me feedback if you feel like it!

P.S. This is between Oslo and Tallinn in the film ;))

Only after you could not breathe anymore from laughing, you managed to calm down. But only a little. Using the comfortable position of your head resting on Neil’s shoulder, you looked up at him. If the clenched jaw and dilated pupils were anything to go by, he still has not recovered.

“A moment?” you asked and enjoyed the way his gaze snapped to you in a flash.

“What?” his brow furrowed with confusion.

His hands kept rubbing your back, hugging you to his chest. Despite the chaos of the situation, it was nice to feel wanted still. To know that your closeness did not dissolve the moment you were interrupted.

“Think we’ll need a bit longer than a moment” you raised your head, eyes flitted across the room.

Pieces of clothing lying around. Wrinkled bedsheets. Neil’s hair ruffled beyond compare and his neck covered in reddish bruises. You knew that you did not look much better.

Neil’s answer was something between a frustrated groan and a heavy sigh.

“The feeling’s mutual” you grinned and slowly disentangled from him “But we better start moving, or he’ll break down the door or something” you climbed off his lap with as much grace as it was possible.

“Christ… can you imagine that?” he met your smile with a crooked grin of his own.

“I’d rather not” picking up your bra from the floor, you tried to put it on hurriedly.

Cursing for the fifth time when your shaky fingers could not hook up the clasp, you felt Neil’s hands on yours, taking over the annoying task. When he succeeded in the first go, he kissed your shoulder gently before realising his hold and stepping back. The warmth in your heart was probably only confirming what you already knew. But there was no time to dwell on it now. You found the skirt almost underneath the bed and could not stop another giggle that erupted.

“What’s so funny this time?” you got up from the floor to see Neil button his shirt, eyeing you amusedly.

“He’s got a great timing, doesn’t he?” you side-eyed the door, putting on the skirt.

“Tell me about it” the dark twinkle in his eyes and the way he nervously shifted, adjusting the belt, made you blush.

With the strangeness of the situation, you nearly forgot how it must have felt for Neil. Had TP not knocked, you would have done it. Without a shadow of a doubt. But you did not, and while Neil helped you with your release, he was forced to ignore it. Your eyes unconsciously glanced at his trousers and then widened. And not only because of how undeniably aroused he was. The suspicious wet patch on his thigh was quite visible. Thanks to you and how needy you have been for him. Bloody hell. With cheeks burning, you met his gaze and nodded your head, indicating for him to look down and see for himself. He got that in no time, shot you an intense stare combined with a deadly smirk, and unzipped the trousers, taking them off right in front of you. You blinked, shocked, and fascinated by all that was revealed. Toned thighs, narrow hips, sharp pelvic bones, a trail of darker hair from the navel disappearing into the black briefs. You were staring, unable to look away. When your eyes landed on the bulge visible through the material, you swallowed. Oh fuck.

“It’s all yours should you want it” Neil’s slightly husky voice made you look up.

He was smirking, aware of your little internal crisis. You need not ask what he meant.

“What happened to the earlier ‘what you can have’ part then?” you arched one eyebrow, distracting yourself by seeking out your shirt and putting it on (fucking buttons).

“Oh, you’ve more than earned everything by now” he grabbed the nearest pants from the laundry pile and put them on “Plus, I was just being a fool. As usual” he zipped them up and started smoothing his hair in the mirror.

“Smooth bastard” you muttered, trying to untangle your hair with just the use of a hand.

For the next two minutes, you both made sure you were as presentable as it was possible. Finally, you gave each other a once over, checking for any clear giveaways such as missed buttons or hickeys in sight, before you allowed Neil to open the door. Awkwardly, you perched on the bed, unable to even fathom how the situation could be salvaged. From the corridor, you could hear their voices:

��Finally. What took you so long? I was beginning to worry you have been attacked in there or something” TP’s innocent questions made you snicker.

“Uh…Sorry, I just had to… deal with something”

That was one way of putting it, you mused.

“I just wanted to discuss with-” TP walked into the room and stopped in his tracks.

You smiled and waved awkwardly

“Hi”

“Y/N?” his eyes widened, and his jaw fell slack “What are you doing here?”

Good question. Nervously, you shifted from one foot to another, looking at Neil for help. He met your gaze warily, just as lost as you.

“I popped in to chat with Neil since I’m leaving tomorrow” that was the best you could manage.

And it could have worked if it was not for the fact that TP stepped onto the fucking scarf you have carelessly thrown to the floor. He looked down with utter confusion on his face. Neil hid his face in his palms. You resisted the urge to jump out from that balcony. Bloody brilliant. The silence stretched; you could see the realization dawning in the dark eyes of your boss. He looked at you and then at Neil, undoubtedly trying to understand what exactly happened. And then he must have realised how uncomfortable the situation was for he spoke:

“I was hoping to discuss something classified with Neil, but…” uncertainly, he glanced at you as though waiting for a sign.

If you wanted a clear way out, that was it.

“Don’t worry, I was about to go anyway” you reached for your bag that somehow found its way onto the desk.

You met Neil’s gaze and smiled gently. He smiled back, but you could see that he was itching to do more. His hand twitched. You wanted to take it in yours. To kiss him again. But that could not happen. So instead, you just said:

“Bye, Neil. I’ll text you later” with a parting smile, you moved past him, letting your hands brush for a millisecond.

“Goodbye,” he replied in that subdued, professional tone you wished he did not have to force.

You grabbed the coat and left without looking back. A rather conflicting end to such a fun night, huh?

*** Just as you promised, the moment the hotel room door closed behind you, you took off the shoes and coat, collapsed onto the bed, and took out your phone.

“Tonight was fun” you smiled and hit send.

For some reason, you wanted to keep up the dynamic you fell into over the course of the night. It felt nice to be open with him, for once not hiding your real thoughts and feelings.

“Calling that fun makes it sort of fall short, don’t you think?” Neil responded less than a minute later.

You grinned at the screen, the idea that he was waiting on your text was pleasing. Because maybe you were actually even like he said.

“Maybe a little. I admit that it was rather revelatory to see you like that” deciding that you can have fun with it, you leaned against the pillows.

You could imagine the surprised face he would make upon getting the message. The parted lips and a small crease between his eyebrows. The image alone made your chest warm up. That must be the l-word, right?

“Why does it feel like we’ve switched personalities or something?” you laughed at the response.

“You seemed to like more honest me”

That twinkle in his eyes when you said something a little riskier was something hard to forget. And so was the way he made you feel. Every kiss, every look, every touch setting your soul alight. That release was bound to show up in your dreams, whether you want it or not. But then Neil already visited those for a while…

“And I do. Just surprised a little. But yes, it was fun. Especially that part when I made you say my name like that”

There it is. You knew exactly what he meant, and yet…

“Like what?”

“Like it’s the only word you know. A prayer. A plea. But then I always suspected that you rather like it”

You blushed. He got you there, as per usual. For a moment, you wondered whether he caught on to that other thing you nearly told him. But that was best left for an actual conversation. One thing you knew for sure was that he deserved real confession from you and not something dropped carelessly amid texting. It was enough that he could have received it the first time you got intimate. Sighing, you typed the response:

“And we’re back to the usual. Will attempt sleep, good night Neil”

You yawned, suddenly feeling the tiredness.

“Sleep well. Thank you for the best night I’ve had in years”

Okay… You were not responsible for the way your heart stumbled and then kicked into the fastest gear. You refused to answer that one text, not trusting yourself.

Falling to sleep an hour later, you knew that there was no way he would not haunt your dreams. There was no getting rid of Neil, from your heart, mind, and every cell in your body.

*** Neil called you the next morning, and you could only assume it was his way of checking whether your passionate moment has not destroyed everything. Spoiler alert: it has not, and you even managed to keep up the strangely honest way of talking to him that began during your date. The regrets and the annoying voices were still very much there, but you kept them under wraps as much as it was possible, instead trying to tear apart your own feelings. You were potentially in love with Neil, and it was only getting worse the more you thought about him. And so, you used the time away to get used to the idea and to decide the next steps to preserve your own sanity. You knew that it would not be possible to ignore it anymore or to deny the existence of those feelings. Instead, you decided to wait while enjoying whatever it was that you and Neil had. The only growing concern was the fact that now, after the initial moment of passion came and went, you were not sure you were ready for more. As a result, many hours over the night have been spent worrying whether you were not about to lose what you just got.

This is why, when Neil texted you after landing at Heathrow to say that he is going to his own place for the night and that he will be in touch the next day, you felt as though a small knife just stabbed you in the heart. It was fine, you both did need space and only last seen each other two days prior, and yet… That is why feelings were inconvenient. And especially love, a word you still were too scared to use too often. Because when you name something, it becomes real, right?

Such thoughts occupied your mind when you tried to focus on the mission report two days after coming back from Norway. You were surprised to see that Neil already filled in his part as you hoped that maybe he would consult it with you beforehand. But you were wrong, as per usual. The overwhelming silence and the gloomy mood it brought you were interrupted by a knock on the door. You checked the time (6:57 pm) and frowned, even though you knew. There was only one person who could come to you at this hour when social convenance prevented rendezvous in private rooms.

The flushed cheeks, crazy hair, and breathtaking smile, as always, were enough to make you speechless. You let him in and stared as he awkwardly stopped in the middle of the room and faced you. So, we’re back to square one. His eyes flitted across your face, neck, and collarbones, and you knew full well what he was looking for. In public, you used the combination of heavily layered concealer and scarves to hide what he did. But now, with the make-up taken off and in an old t-shirt everything was on display for him. The myriad of colours and shapes, all connected to one specific memory. The way he knew the perfect spots to make you gasp and moan. You let him take you apart and put you together again. And he did just that with such tenderness and concentration that you wondered how you could have not fallen. With Neil so close it was hard to think, and so you broke the silence:

“It’s nice that you came by” turning away from his intense stare, you saved the report.

It would have to wait.

“Of course, I…” he trailed off, and you met his gaze again, curious “I’m sorry for not coming round yesterday. Is just that I was tired and had to think a little and my apartment-”

“Neil, you don’t have to apologise. It’s not like we’re together” you interrupted, hating the sudden rigidness of the moment.

But as soon as you actually said it, he frowned. And you knew why. It was one thing to say that he was allowed to have his own space and freedom, another to remind him that in theory there was nothing between you. Only you could fuck it up that bad.

“But we could be” the hopeful look in his eyes only further twisted the knife in your heart.

But before you were forced to reply, he breached the gap between you and embraced you tightly, with his arms around your waist. Despite all those thoughts surging through your head, the response was natural by now. You relaxed in his arms, splaying your palms on his back, breathing in the comforting scent.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered into the skin of his neck, hoping he will understand.

“It’s okay. We’ve both fucked up in equal measures” the slight chuckle was promising “We can start it over tonight if you want” Neil kissed you on the temple.

But it was one of his hands that somehow found its way underneath your shirt, brushing the bare skin that made you tense up. Because what if he wanted to continue? For a moment, you tried to coerce the brain into cooperating. But it was impossible. All you could think about was the fact that you cannot possibly be enough for someone like Neil. That if you did it now, he would leave because he got what he wanted from you. That you could force yourself, but then it would feel wrong. But maybe that was better than losing him just because of your inability to get over yourself. Suddenly the room was too small, and he was too close.

“That’s why you came?” unable to stop the increasing anxiety, you took a step back “Because I’m not sure…” blushing you looked down, unable to formulate the thought.

But one glance at Neil’s confused face would have given you the answer. He let go of you and tipped your chin. The wounded look in his eyes was concerning.

“Don’t tell me you think I only came here because I want to have sex” he was disappointed and naturally so “Jesus… I thought you knew me better than that” he took a step back and sat on the edge of the bed, staring at you remorsefully.

You really were that stupid.

“Fuck… Neil, I’m sorry. I don’t even know what overcame me and then you… touched me. And that’s okay, but…” feeling the sting of tears in your eyes, you covered your face, turning away from him “I’m so fucking useless. Maybe you should leave and get yourself someone actually sane”

There was no point in wondering how things could be so easily destroyed. It was all you, as usual. The tears began falling down your cheeks, as you expected to hear the door close behind him any moment. But the sound never came. Instead, you heard a sigh and then a touch on your shoulders, turning you to face him. He peeled your hands from your face and met your teary gaze with a small smile.

“I came here because I missed you. For the last two days, I wanted nothing but to hug you, to talk to you about everything because you’re as close to a home as it gets for me” he kissed you on the forehead “And as much as I still want you, madly and certainly, it’s not why I’m here. To be honest I’m not in the mood either right now. We can wait as long as we need” tentatively he cupped your cheek, brushing away the tears.

He was too good for you.

“Sure you don’t want someone mentally stable?” sniffing you met his gaze sceptically.

“Pretty sure” Neil grinned in response and took one of your hands in his “Now, can we try to fix all this by doing what I actually wanted to do tonight?”

“And what is that?”

Your heart was still beating too fast, and you knew that the overwhelming feeling of shame is going to take a while to disappear from your system. But there was something so gentle in how he looked at you, and his words have managed to calm down the initial panic. You were his home. That was too good to be true, but you were willing to believe it. At least for the moment.

“I can show you, but you need to trust me” Neil met your gaze purposefully.

Despite what just happened, you knew the answer to that ‘not quite’ a question.

“I do”

The happy smile you got in return was almost enough to make you relax a little.

“I hope that will be your answer at the altar too” his eyes glimmered playfully, and his lips curled into a smirk.

Your eyes widened. He was impossible.

“Neil- What the hell?” you swatted him across the chest, unable to stop the idiotic giggles.

“Just wanted to make you laugh” he innocently batted his eyelashes.

“Well done then” when you have calmed, you kissed him on the cheek “Thank you. For everything” brushing your lips over the corner of his mouth, you waited.

Instead of answering, Neil captured your lips in a slow kiss. This time there was no urgency, no hungry passion, just the two of you consciously seeking out comfort in each other. Yet the feeling of infatuation was as strong as ever and gained momentum as he broke the kiss and met your gaze with an unspoken question. Trust. You nodded, breath hitched in your chest as he stepped closer and kissed your neck gently. You closed your eyes, relaxing into the feeling of safety Neil always gave you. After the initial panic, he was careful with how he touched you, keeping his hands steady on your waist.

“I’ve dreamt of doing this again since you left in Oslo” his voice sent shivers through your body.

“Just this?” you allowed your hands to travel up his arms, settling on the nape of the neck.

Toying with the hair ends there, you met his gaze again. Your pulse slowed down, and you knew that was the purpose of everything he did. There was something akin to determination in how he looked at you. As though he knew that what he had in mind will surprise you.

“No, but for this next part, you really have to trust me. What you need to know is that I will always ask” he kissed the tip of your nose before taking your hand in his.

You knew what he meant and blushed. It was a mystery how you managed to get someone like that for yourself. That is if he was actually yours…? Any thoughts and answers disappeared when Neil lead you towards the bed.

“Lie down, please” the intensity of his gaze made the butterflies in your stomach go mad.

Hesitantly, you did what he said, a little awkwardly settling with your head against the pillows and watching as he got rid of the shoes and climbed in after you. Then, carefully as though he was dealing with a terrified animal, he wrapped his hand around your waist. His other hand cradled the back of your head. You stared, unable to make a move or even speak a word. The look in his eyes was as close to love confession as you could imagine.

“Can I?” Neil’s voice broke the silence.

You felt like whatever he was asking for was his already. And yet you were willing to give him an answer.

“Yes”

The shadow of a smile was the last thing saw before Neil leaned in and met your lips in a kiss. Even though you have kissed many times before, at that moment, with his hand delicately placed on your stomach and the other tangled in your hair, angling your head towards him, it all felt different. In a way, it was just like that kiss post-climax. But with more purpose in every move. There was no rush. It was just you and Neil, openly allowing yourselves to show how you felt. As the kisses evolved into a slow make-out session, Neil’s body covered yours with legs entangled, hands on each other, just exploring what was already familiar to touch. Somehow this was not as terrifying as you were worried. You knew that the purpose was not to light that fire but instead to show you how invested he was. How much he wanted you in every possible way. After a particularly long kiss that left you both gasping for breath, Neil leaned back, resting his forehead against yours. The depth of adoration in his eyes was enough to make you bite back the words that were threatening to spill over. Instead, you tried to distract yourself with a seemingly innocent question:

“Was that what you had planned?” you brushed the hair away from his forehead.

“Yes,” his eyes flitted nervously over your features, “I wanted… to show you that I can be like this with you. That it’s not all about the… sexual aspect” he stumbled over the words, making your heart clench with fondness.

“I nearly jinxed it then” you laughed bitterly, tracing your finger over his eyebrows and the creases on the forehead.

“It’s okay. We made it work” nudging his nose against yours, Neil smiled shyly.

Then you shifted so that you could lie partially on his chest, with his arms around you, and started catching up with each other. Despite the break in contact lasting only two days, there was a lot to cover. Or maybe that was because you really enjoyed sharing your thoughts with Neil like this. He would respond with a cheeky comment or laugh at any joke you attempted, making you feel heard. In return, Neil shed a little more light on the events in Oslo. As you expected, TP was not exactly open with him, but the foundations of trust were there.

“TP said something strange that day before our date…” Neil broke the silence the fell.

You shifted a little in his embrace, ignoring the slight surprise upon hearing him refer to the evening as a date. You were sure it was just you who saw it like that.

“How do you mean?” with your head over his chest, you could hear the steady heartbeat.

Neil kept running his hand over the bare skin of your arm, slipping fingers underneath the t-shirt sleeve. His head was propped on the headboard of your bed, staring straight ahead.

“We talked about what’s next, and obviously I had to pretend I was shocked by all that happened in the Freeport… and then he said how I should only care about the plutonium, or else I can be killed after this is all over” when he finished speaking, his hand stilted the movement, resting atop of yours on his thigh.

You glanced up, worried. Now you knew why he waited with this story for a moment more convenient than that night out. Talking about a mood killer…

“I think it’s obviously just that he thinks I’m an innocent bystander pulled into this mess, but… I don’t know” Neil sighed “It was such a weird conversation to have with him”

“I can imagine…” that was bound to keep you up at night “I’d rather you weren’t killed if I’m being honest” you raised your head a little to kiss him on the neck.

It was just a peck, and yet the way he tensed made you smile against his skin.

“I’ve no plans to die. Unless you kill me just by existing” at that, Neil shifted lower on the bed, facing you.

The comment made you laugh, softening the worries prompted by the conversation. It was as though he always knew what you needed. Sharing the same pillow, with just a few inches of space between your faces, you wondered how you made it this far from that seemingly non-important job interview. But seeing the thoughtful look in his eyes, you had that strange feeling considering destiny again. Because how could it be that the universe just so randomly put Neil on your path? You, of all people, certainly did not deserve anyone that extraordinary. But then, remembering all those times, TP alluded to your relationship with Neil made you think. Because if someone literally from the future said things like that, then maybe…

“What are you thinking about?” Neil interrupted your strange train of thought, lightly running his fingertips over your temple

You blushed and attempted to answer without revealing too much at once. You have complicated the situation enough already.

“Just been wondering how we ended up like this…” to complete the sentence, you ran your hand up his forearm.

As usual, he had his shirtsleeves rolled up and so you could plainly see the goosebumps on his skin in the wake of your innocent touch. A sudden flashback to your first hug back on the terrace in Boston was like a revelation. Maybe the signs were there all along…

“Well, I don’t know about you, but I’ve always been interested. From the moment we’ve met” the factual tone surprised you, especially when combined with the sincere look in his eyes.

“You’re being ridiculous” aiming for lightness you kicked him in the calf.

Only that movement allowed him to trap your leg between his, entangling you even further.

“No, just honest. I can tell you that the moment in the training zone when you’ve panicked wouldn’t leave me alone for weeks”

Oh…

“Because I was so annoying?” you arched your eyebrow, trying to decipher what that look on his face meant.

The conversation took a completely unexpected turn, and you had no clue how. But now, you were too curious to back out.

“Because I wanted to keep on looking into your eyes” oh. “That’s why when I came back after that long mission, I went straight to you. I had to check if it was just a passing thing”

The depth of honesty in his eyes was almost terrifying. Almost, because at the same time, you could not look away. Not without hearing all that he wanted to tell you.

“And?”

You held your breath, awaiting the response.

“I would’ve kissed you had Ives not interrupted us then after I looked at your cut” Neil gave you a small half-smile and caressed your neck just as he did back then.

Letting out a small gasp was all you were capable of. Surely, he couldn’t…?

“But you barely knew me” you frowned, trying to find any logical explanations to that.

Because it was everything but expected. You did remember that moment very well, but then you tended to overanalyse every single situation that had to do with Neil. And yet, it was hard to believe that already back then he was interested. Especially with how you did all you could to distance yourself. Obviously, all of that failed, the walls crumbled one by one.

“It doesn’t really matter when you’re that drawn to someone” the apologetic look in his eyes made you want to kiss him.

Fuck it. You did just that, closing the gap and cupping his cheek. After all those kisses, one could think it would become boring at some point. But it never did. Not with how Neil always responded to you, often letting out small gasps and groans into your mouth. His teeth grazed your bottom lip, and you responded in kind, trying to show him how much his words meant to you. Adding in a hand tangled in his hair usually did the job. While you always liked kissing as an act of showing affection, with Neil even that felt different. It was as though that simple action was a way for you to convey your feelings without putting them in words that had the potential to destroy everything. Something as straightforward as sharing the same breath, the taste of tea you always felt on his tongue, it was enough to remind you why he was everything you wanted. Another favourite thing was the unfocused look in his eyes right after the kiss, and vividly pink lips parted to invite more precious air in.

“I take it you liked my little confession” Neil smirked when he recovered, watching you stare at him shamelessly.

“I didn’t expect it, but… it’s good to know” settling for the safest answer, you placed your head back over his heart “Suppose in return you can ask me about anything you want” a risky yet fair proposition.

“That’s tempting because I wanted to bring something up…” carefully, he wrapped his arms around your waist “Only promise me not to panic” the slightly nervous tone made you tense, but the steady rhythm of his heart was acting like an anchor.

“Okay”

“Now that we would’ve crossed that line twice… if it wasn’t for our dear boss interrupting” despite yourself, you laughed, burying your head in Neil’s neck “I have to ask what I can do to make it better for you?” as though he could feel the spike of anxiety in your system, he added “And I don’t mean this to be a call out or anything because I’d never do that. Just after tonight, I think it’s a viable question”

Shit… Now even his heartbeat or the arms around you were not enough to calm down the panicked mind. The self-sabotaging voice was on, any remains of confidence gone.

“You don’t have to do anything. You’re all perfect it’s me who can’t get over herself. As usual” the bitterness was unstoppable this time, and all aimed at yourself.

Unable to stay still, you wrestled out of his hold, sitting up and staring at him with wide eyes. But he was not giving in, clearly prepared for that turn of events. Neil sat up too and took your hand in his, interlacing your fingers.

“Stop with this. I’m genuinely asking because when it happens, I want it to be the best experience of your life. And not something you’ll be able to twist into nothing” the raw look in his eyes combined with the determination in his voice was a harsh reminder about your own issues.

Briefly, you wondered how it was possible to feel that much love and admiration but also utter fear and resignation. Because now you had to tell him, and you were fully expecting him to leave after you were done. Even Neil was not patient enough to deal with that kind of baggage. There we go…

“I… I’m terrified of physical intimacy” blurting out that took unimaginable effort yet you pushed forward, meeting his perplexed gaze “I know that it sounds crazy given how much we’ve already done but with you it’s somehow less scary…” you took a deep breath, grateful for his hand keeping yours from shaking “But now, when I actually, consciously want to take that step, all my brain does is give me reasons why it’s a terrible idea” dropping your gaze onto your lap, you started spitting out all that the helpful voices in your head were suggesting “How you’ll leave after you get what you wanted. How it might mean I’ll actually admit that I have feelings and hence begin the process of losing you. How I can never possibly be enough for you” feeling the well-known sting of tears again, you closed your eyes, hoping to block him from the picture “It’s pathetic, I know. And probably makes me sound like a fucking prude since it’s just sex, but… I never could separate the physical aspect from the emotional one and so, I either took too long to open up or hurt myself by acting too rashly” your throat felt dry, but there was one final thing he had to know “I’m worried that I’ll lose you, and yet I care too much to let myself do what I want. You’re too important, but more and more I feel like I’m about to fuck it up. Tonight being the prime example”

You finished the confession and felt the tears fall down your cheeks. Again. The moment felt like a cruel flashback to many scenes like this before. You knew what was to happen next too well. After all, you were there, acting your part every damn time. You were bound to be stuck in this endless loop of getting close to love and then losing it. And all because of some fault in how you were created and wired. Everyone else was capable of letting themselves be vulnerable. Of giving themselves to that one other person, with feelings involved or not. Everyone but you. It was a rather cruel fatal flaw to have.

Before you could get on another internal tirade about how you should have expected such an end, Neil released his hold over your hand to scoot over closer to you. He put his arms around you, hugging you close. The simple gesture made you cry even harder, allowing yourself to rest in his embrace. As your tears soaked through his shirt, he kept on rubbing his hand over your back in a soothing motion. You did not deserve him. You were not enough. Just as you were about to tell him as much, giving him full permission to leave as he wanted, Neil let go of you. You raised your head, fearing the worst, but the look in his eyes made you freeze. There was something so serious yet so tender that you could only stare as he started unbuttoning his shirt with purpose in his movement. Only once he got to the last two buttons, you shook off the paralysis:

“What are you doing?” wiping the tears away you could not help but gape at what he was revealing.

“I just wanted you to see something. To understand” in a simple movement, he took off the shirt and looked at you earnestly “See all this? This is what you’ve done to me” he need not point out what he meant.

The moment you had a clear view of his chest and arms, you could see all the bruises, hickeys, and other marks you have put on his body. The area of his neck and shoulders was the worst with nearly no blank spot on the map. The darkest bruise near the pulse point on his neck was all you needed to be flooded with the memories. His arms had small bruises in the places where you dug your fingers, seeking relief. The bite marks on the shoulder were a reminder of how he brought you to your end mere three days prior. Christ. If there ever was a most clear-cut example of how bad you had it, it was this. To say that you have ruined him was an understatement. Now you knew why he studied your own neck and collarbones. But what was there had nothing to compare with the current sight before your eyes.

“It looks better now, but that first morning I had to opt for a turtleneck, and I never wear those” Neil watched you with an enigmatic expression.

“If you’re trying to make me embarrassed, then you’ve more than succeeded” when you have found the words again, it was hard to get them out without feeling flustered.

“No. I’m trying to make you understand that all those marks for me are a sign that someone wants me. Dare I even say that someone loves me” he finished the sentence and met your gaze purposefully.

You were caught. He knew, and it was without you even uttering the words in the first place. You should have known that someone this smart will notice and understand all that you were not saying. The blush only darkened as you stared at him, unable to utter a word. Because what does one respond when their most secret confession turns out to be known?

“I-” struggling for words, you considered just blurting it out.

But Neil cut you off sharply.

“I know” the intensity of his blue eyes pinned you to the spot “The point is that I don’t need you to give me everything right here and now because I already know that you care. What happened in Oslo only gave me more reasons to believe in you and in what we’ve got” he quickly put the shirt back on and again moved closer to you “No matter what your brain is trying to make you believe, I’m not going anywhere. I won’t leave you because I know that this is real” emphasizing the last point he cupped your face and kissed you on the forehead.

Then, before searching your eyes for consent, he captured your lips in a short kiss as though to confirm everything he just said. You kissed him back, allowing yourself to pour all you felt into it. He was certainly too good for you. You did not deserve any of this. But, for the moment, you were willing to block it out. All that mattered was that Neil has not left (yet) and was potentially willing to wait for you a little longer. And maybe that was enough.

When you broke the kiss, he smiled at you gently and added:

“As a final note on that, I want you to know that you don’t need to tell me anything you’re not ready to confess” the little knowing smirk made you blush.

Somehow all that you have revealed to him today was not enough. There was one more thing you had to say. And seeing what a roller coaster of emotions the evening was so far, it could not possibly hurt anyone… right? You covered his hands that were cupping your face and exhaled, preparing for the final confession.

“I always saw saying ‘I love you’ as an ending, in a way” you searched his eyes for a moment, finding nothing but curiosity and affection “And I don’t want this to end. Because… everything beyond is unknown and… and this is familiar” sighing, you stared at him, hoping he will understand.

Neil nodded and took you in his arms, offering the needed comfort. It took you long 15 minutes to actually relax in his embrace again and endless internal battles with the doubts that resurfaced. Because although he said it all and evidently cared about more than what you were willing to give him, there was that small chance that he was wrong. Or he simply lied to you. But in the strong embrace and with his hands caressing every part of your skin that he could find uncovered, it was easy to provide some counterarguments and actually believe him. Even if just this once.

It was much later in the evening when you finally started talking again. At first, he just amused you with random stories from the past missions, telling you about all of those instances when his absolutely crazy plans worked out despite everyone else. Especially Ives, who preferred the traditional way of doing things. And then, in the middle of another story about the infiltration of inverted weapons storage in south Chile, he stopped halfway through a sentence as though he said too much. Despite the weariness, you raised your head from where it was lying on his shoulder and noticed the frown on his face.

“What’s wrong?” carefully, you placed your hand on his knee.

“I just remembered that this Chile mission was one of the first I went on with Alex” Neil met your gaze with a distant expression in his eyes “I almost forgot that…”

Offering the only comfort you could come up with, you kissed him on the cheek and asked:

“Do you want to talk about it? About him?” it was a risky question, and yet you wondered if this was not the perfect opportunity.

He could always say no.

“Maybe” he met your concerned gaze “After all, I have to tell you at some point”

“You don’t have to do anything”

“In this case, yes I do. Because we’re not supposed to have secrets from each other” the way he said it made you shiver.

You knew full well what he was trying to say. You have long moved past the stage where you were friends who could keep things away from one another. And it was both terrifying and exhilarating. Especially when hinted upon like that, as though it was a fact. For a second, you wondered whether anything was bound to be in order for the two of you. But maybe it was better like this.

Neil cleared his throat and tensed a little, making you understand that he will soon begin the story.

“We’ve met during the training as he was recruited at a similar time. He was from a small place in Canada, studied politics before halfway through the third year he decided that it wasn’t for him and joined the police forces. That didn’t work out either, and so TP found him by accident while on a mission and decided to take him in, hoping to develop his espionage skills” Neil looked at you for a moment, and you were struck by the wistfulness in his eyes “Alex was a natural sharpshooter, not unlike yourself. He taught me most of the stuff I know about guns and shooting. Later he was usually placed as the sniper for the Cavalry”

Even that small bit of information made you understand Neil a little better.

“What was he like?” you asked upon his pause and enjoyed the soft smile that showed on his face.

“He was this kind of a person that lights up the room the moment they come in. Always knew how to make everyone laugh, made you feel better just by sitting next to you in silence and offering his company. And he had the warmest brown eyes I’ve ever seen. The kind that you can’t help but get lost in. It was hard not to fall for him…” he trailed off and looked at you with a strange concern in his eyes “I’m sorry if how I talk about him is in any way hurting you”

You did not expect that. Moving a little to brush your hand over Neil’s cheek, you replied:

“You love him. I’d have to be a selfish idiot to be bothered by that”

“But he’s gone and-” he looked utterly lost for a moment.

You placed your arm around his shoulders, inviting him closer. When he leaned on your side and put his head in the crook of your neck, you heard him exhale.

“People being gone doesn’t mean you stop loving them,” you noticed quietly and felt him tighten his hold over your hand “How did you fall in love?”

“It was pretty straightforward. We started by constantly talking in the classes, choosing each other for the sparring, and he gave me lessons in shooting. I felt so drawn to him, and I couldn’t do anything about it. I had to give in. Believe it or not, but then I was a bit shy and more introverted” the image made you smile “And so one day, he asked me out, just completely out of the blue while we were changing after sparring, and… I was still coming to terms with the fact that I might be… bisexual” he tensed again, and you kissed him on the top of his head “But I just had to say yes because what I knew for sure was that I wanted to be with him”

The sudden pain in your chest could only be explained by the feelings you had for Neil. Hearing him talk like that about someone he clearly loved with all his heart only made you realise how wrong you were about him initially. He certainly was not a playboy type, breaking hearts all around even if he had the looks for that. Neil loved with all his heart and soul, giving away pieces of himself to everyone he ever cared for.

“We dated for a while then, and before I knew he was everything, and we were officially together. TP wasn’t exactly happy about it and kept on telling me to be careful. Saying that while there’s no policy against it, I should remember that this whole business is dangerous and people get hurt” the slightly bitter edge in his voice made you study him closer.

For a moment, you wondered why TP never said anything like that upon undoubtedly seeing how close you and Neil got. But maybe that was not meant to be understood yet.

“How long you’ve been together?” to distract your thoughts, you asked.

“Almost two years” Neil swallowed hard “I was certain he was it for me. And I think he believed that too. But then I fucked it all up, and he paid the highest price”

You waited for him to pick up the story, rubbing circles into his thigh. For a few minutes, the only sounds in the room were your breaths, his shallower, and faster than usual. And then he nuzzled your neck, inhaling the scent, and spoke again:

“It was supposed to be a normal mission: take over the inverted ammunition transport near San Francisco. Only I was given the lead and decided to complicate it by coming up with some absolutely messed up plan of attack. It was a temporal pincer movement, and Alex wanted to take over the sniper duties as usual but I was insistent he goes into the field with the red team instead” Neil breathed in slowly as though trying to keep rising anxiety under wraps “I should’ve known better especially with how TP tried to change my mind about it. But I was a hot-headed idiot, thought I knew everything, and he was just patronizing” you intertwined your fingers with his “Of course he was fucking right”

“What happened?”

“Alex ended up without a cover in the middle of the mission and got fatally shot by an inverted round. It wouldn’t have happened if he did what he wanted and taken out their sniper. But I insisted on my plan, and that’s what I got in return” Neil sighed heavily, leaning on you with most of his weight “By the time I got to him, it was all over. I didn’t even get to say goodbye” a sob shook his frame, making the pain in your chest flare up.

Embracing him tighter, you allowed Neil to shed a few tears into your t-shirt. You wondered how it could be that you have been both reduced to tears in one night while trying to understand each other better. Suppose this is the price of love.

“I haven’t been with anyone properly since then…” when he spoke again, his voice was hoarse “Just couldn’t get myself involved again. It felt as though I was betraying Alex, the memory of what we had. And I was terrified I’ll lose another person thanks to my own stupidity” he raised his head and met your gaze “Until recently”

Your breath hitched at the sight of his reddened eyes looking at you seriously. He need not say it. You knew. As difficult as it was to believe, you had no choice but to accept it as your reality. Not trusting your voice, you just pressed a kiss to his forehead, ruffling his hair, and then leaned back to study him intently. He looked tired and weary, something you knew could be just as easily found in your face. One glance at the clock and the realization of how late it got was enough to help you decide on the course of action.

“Can you stay tonight?” with one hand still tangled in his blonde locks, you gently ran your fingernails along his scalp.

It seemed like the question was all Neil needed to come back to the present moment. He blinked once and gave you a small smile.

“Of course. I wasn’t planning on leaving” stretching his arms over the head, he yawned “I should have a t-shirt here somewhere, right? After the last time?” the matter-of-fact tone in which he asked made your head go blank for a second.

Because yes, he left a shirt behind the last time he stayed with you, just before Oslo. Back then it was technically for convenience’s sake: Neil had a meeting to attend and so he went straight from your room after having changed. But now, after everything that happened and all that was said, that stupid fact meant much more. It was as though before you knew and admitted a lot of things to yourself, he already became a part of your life. As though you were together before you even said those three crucial words out loud. Feeling Neil’s curious gaze, you stopped the strange train of thoughts and replied:

“Yeah, it’s in the bathroom” suddenly flustered, you could not look him in the eye.

“Okay, I’ll go get changed now” he gave you a quick once-over as though trying to determine your state of mind and then added, “Thanks for listening”

Your head snapped up, meeting his honest look.

“You know I’ll always do that�� and then, upon a further thought “It’s what you’ve got me for, after all”

“Not just that though. I hope” Neil’s intense gaze once again made your heart stumble in your chest.

Of course. He would not make you say anything, but he was always able to get you as close to it as possible. That was just the way he was. And you would not have it any other way.

“Yeah, not just that” offering him a genuine smile, you sighed with relief as the bathroom door closed after him.

You took the needed time to get changed as well and to prepare your fragile mental state for what it might be like to sleep with Neil again. It was as close to a routine thing as it could get and yet always made you nervous. And this time was not any different, especially given the fact that he emerged in just that t-shirt and boxer briefs. Your eyes widened, and you could not stop yourself from letting out a small yelp. The sound just made him smile shyly. Okay.

“Just thought that since we… that’s what I usually wear to bed and so…” he stumbled over the sentence “I can go change if that’s too much for you” the offer was made with such a nervous look in his eyes that you already knew what your answer would be.

“No, it’s okay. I just didn’t expect it, but you’re probably right”

To escape further awkwardness, you took that as your cue to disappear in the bathroom. Most of the next fifteen minutes have been spent on calming down. No matter how close you became he still was capable of taking your breath away. When relative peace was achieved, you came back, only to face Neil who was laying down on what became his side of the bed, clearly waiting for you. Courage, dear heart, or however that went, eh?

Without waiting for your brain to catch up and start the panic, you turned off the light and climbed in, mirroring Neil by lying down on your side. He reached out and caressed the side of your face, running fingertips along your temple, cheekbones, and jaw, only to settle on your neck. As your eyes adjusted to the darkness, you could see the hint of a smile on his lips. Even in the faint moonlight, Neil looked ethereal.

“How do you want me?” the sudden husky tone of his voice combined with the situation and dubious nature of the question made you shiver.

Tracing your hand up his arm, you whispered the answer as though it was a secret.

“Close”

“How close?” Neil wrapped his hand around your waist and pulled you towards him.

With your chests pressed together and your head fitting perfectly under his chin, you exhaled. But it wasn’t enough. Suddenly the strange desire from the night in Oslo returned. You wanted him as close as it was physically possible. And then some more. Letting out a quiet frustrated whine, you splayed your hands on his back, hoping to somehow get even closer.

“More than this. I-”

It was there. On the tip of your tongue, begging to be released. But Neil knew better than you.

“You don’t have to say it” he interrupted you and angled his hips in such a way that even there was no space between your bodies.

You threw your leg over his hip, just like that last morning. Even now, fully aware of the sexual connotations of your position, it felt too good to be given up. No matter the potential regrets. Just before you started drifting off to sleep, entangled with Neil like this, you felt him slip his hands underneath your shirt, caressing your back with the lightest of touches.

“You’re everything to me. Never doubt that” he whispered into your hair, as though thinking you were asleep already.

For a second, you wanted to pretend that you did not hear it. But… Tentatively, you returned the gesture by placing your hands underneath his shirt, one on the back and the other near the scar from the bullet on his side. Soon you were both asleep.

*** Surprisingly, in the morning, there was nearly no awkwardness. You barely moved through the course of the night, and so as you came to, one of the first things you registered was the warm touch on your back and stomach. And then a soft melody being hummed somewhere above your head. It took that additional 10 seconds to comprehend everything. You were still entangled with Neil your hands were neatly placed on his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart. The next thing you registered was that the hummed melody was ‘Moon River’ and that Neil still undoubtedly had a musical talent. You raised your head slowly, making sure he was not hit in the process, and faced the bright blue eyes.

“There’s no moon around this time of the day, in case you haven’t noticed” scrunching your nose, you grinned.

“Maybe not, but you’re still ‘a dream maker and heart breaker’” Neil kissed you on the tip of the nose.

“Bloody hell” laughing, you pushed him away a little “And here I was hoping you’re done with all that smooth talk”

“Never” he shifted so that he was hovering over you “Can I do something else I’ve wanted to?” the hopeful look in his eyes was more than convincing.

“Can’t see why not”

A kiss like that first thing in the morning was more than you could have ever wished for. Neil made sure to use all the tips he knew to make you become breathless and bothered. He tugged on your lips with his teeth, making his tongue soften the bruised spots and entangle with yours. His hands brushed over your chest but never quite touching. You reacted by deepening the kiss, letting have it all. For some reason, this early in the morning, nerves were nowhere to be found. It was just Neil. As he leaned back, with that self-satisfied grin and predatory look in his eyes, you should have known that he had one more thing up his sleeve. But before your brain could register everything that was going on, Neil moved down your body, lifted your shirt, and met your gaze before placing a kiss on your navel with precision. It was just one kiss, right where the band of your trousers ended. And yet. You could not stop the way your hips bucked or how your legs clenched together at that simple gesture. It was embarrassingly easy for him to get that reaction. And he was more than fully aware if his smile was anything to go by. But was not meant to be. At least not this time. You whined when he pulled your shirt back down, ending it before it even began.

“I’m glad it’s working” Neil quickly got up and faced your exasperated face with a grin of his own “I gotta run, sorry darling” with that, he disappeared into the bathroom.

“Fucking hell” you groaned loudly and flopped back on the bed with a sigh.

You were already frustrated. And one might even say worked up to a certain degree. Now, how the fuck does one deal with that?

#tenet #neil tenet #neil tenet x reader #neil x reader #neil tenet imagine #neil tenet fanfic #tenet fanfic #robert pattinson #the art of inversion

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ariannjs · 3 years

Text

NEW YEAR’S GIFT | A SasuSaku FanFic (One Shot)

Happy happy new year, everyone! Thank you so much for all the support you've been giving me as I continued writing for SasuSaku last year! Writing is highly therapeutic for me and seeing your comments uplift me even more. Thank you for making 2020 bearable and survivable! Y'all are encouragements to me!

I don’t post much on tumblr anymore since I’m more active on Twitter, AO3, and FF, but here’s a new year fic for y’all!

Hope you enjoy this fic! :D God bless! - A ------

“It's been a tradition, Sakura-chan. We either open our Christmas gifts on New Year's Eve or get another gift for everyone specifically for the New Year that's why Sasuke told you to give your Christmas gift today.”

Sakura remembered Itachi's words when she first joined the Uchihas for their New Year's Eve celebration five years ago, back when she and Sasuke weren’t married yet. She smiled at the memory. Every year after that, she found herself giddy with excitement to buy gifts for the whole family – one for Christmas and another for New Year.

This year was a bit different because she only bought Christmas gifts for everyone, which she already distributed on Christmas Eve. She smirked as she stepped inside their car. She watched her husband place his gifts for his family inside the trunk.

For the second time that day, Sasuke asked, “Are you sure you didn’t forget anything, Sakura?”

“Yes, Anata. Don’t worry.” Then she heard him close the trunk with a loud thud.

When Sasuke got inside the car, Sakura bit her lower lip to restrain a smile, trying her best to act as normal as she could. Her husband glanced at him from the corner of his eye before revving the engine. Then with a sigh, he pulled out of the driveway so they could go on their way to the Uchiha Manor.

Their travel was silent except for the soft volume of an Electro-pop Rock track in the background. Sakura’s eyes were fixed on the snow-soaked surroundings. Sasuke peeked at her every once in a while as he silently tapped the steering wheel with his fingers.

After a few moments, he was the first who broke the silence. “Sakura.”

“Hm?” His wife met his eyes and smiled. For a moment, Sasuke swallowed hard as he took in the way she looked at him. He cleared his throat and quickly shifted his gaze to the road.

“N-nothing.” Whatever he intended to say went down the drain. He gripped the steering wheel tighter.

“Are you sure?”

“Tch. Annoying.”

Sakura grinned, shaking her head. “We’re already married and you still call me annoying? Seriously though, what did you want to say?”

“Stunning.” Sasuke cleared his throat. “Y-you’re stunning.”

Sakura’s eyes widened while a tinge of pink dusted her cheeks. Then she chuckled. “Thank you, Sasuke-kun. I’m glad that you still find me attractive even after three months of our marriage.”

Her husband scoffed. “Sakura, I will always find my wife attractive.”

“Even when I get fatter?”

“Aa.”

“Even when my acne breaks out every month?”

“As if that matters.”

“Even when my hair turns white?”

“Tch. Of course.”

Sakura reached out to pinch his cheeks, which made him groan.

“Sakura, I’m driving.”

“You’re weirdly sweet today.” She giggled.

“And you’re weirdly happy today,” Sasuke replied, his eyes not meeting hers.

Sakura tilted her head to one side. “I am?”

“Yeah. You’ve been smiling a lot as if you’re hiding something,” Sasuke finally said.

“Wait, what?” Sakura’s chuckle filled the car. “I’m just happy because it’s the New Year, Anata. And I’m spending it with you!”

Sasuke just sighed and let it go as he turned to the last street towards the Uchiha Manor. Sakura, on the other hand, just smiled to herself again.

When they reached the manor, Izachi – Itachi and Izumi’s son – welcomed them by the door. “Auntie Sakura! Uncle Sasuke!” The child exclaimed while giving them both a tight hug. “You came just in time! It’s time for the gifts!”

“Oh, it is?” Sakura looked at him with fondness as he tugged her hand, with Sasuke following suit.

True enough, gifts were scattered on the floor near the huge Christmas tree in the living room. Embraces were exchanged with the rest of Sasuke’s family before the couple found their spot on the floor.

As usual, Fugaku and Mikoto proceeded in giving their gifts first. Izachi was giddy to open not only his gifts but even the ones that his mother and father received, making the atmosphere lighter for everyone.

To Sasuke and Sakura’s surprise, they received two big studio monitors from their parents, the ones that they were planning to buy for their Music Studio at home. Sasuke’s smile was so wide that Sakura even poked him to tease him.

When it was Izumi and Itachi’s turn to give their gifts, Izachi took the packages and handed them to his aunt and uncle. Sakura gasped at the designer bag that she received from Izumi, while she almost cried when she opened the pair of headphones from Itachi.

“I needed a new one so bad! This is so timely, nii-san!” She exclaimed.

“I’m pretty sure Sasuke has an even better gift for you, though.” Itachi chuckled, earning a glare from his younger brother. To redeem himself, he called for his son to give their family’s gift to Sasuke.

Sasuke’s eyes widened upon opening the box containing a new high-end MIDI keyboard controller. “You bought me the new release? Thank you, nii-san, Izumi-nee.”

Itachi smirked. “Anything for my foolish little brother. Now, what’s your gift to your wife?”

Sasuke shot a glare at him again but ended up sighing when he noticed her wife’s soft gaze.

“I told you it’s okay if you don’t give another gift to me, Anata.”

“You need this, though.” Sasuke handed a wrapped box to her. “Open it.”

Sakura did as she was told. Then, she gasped. “Sasuke-kun!”

Sasuke smiled. “You like it?”

“How could I not like a new laptop with specs fit for producing?”

Sasuke chuckled as he watched how Sakura took out the laptop from its box.

“Thank you, Anata. Thank you so much.” She bit her lower lip. “Are you ready for my gift now?”

Sasuke’s forehead creased. “You didn’t bring anything, though.”

Sakura released an exhale and then faced everyone in the room. “My New Year’s gift for everyone is…” She glanced at Sasuke again, smiling from ear to ear, before she announced, “I’m pregnant.”

Izumi and Mikoto instantly hugged her and congratulated her while Fugaku and Itachi smiled. Sasuke, however, felt as if something was stuck in his throat while he stared at his wife.

When Izumi and Mikoto returned to their seats, Sakura warily turned to Sasuke. “Aren’t you happy, Anata?”

Sasuke simply stared at her, then after a beat, his lips caught hers.

Their family cheered as they shared a passionate kiss. It felt like their wedding day all over again.

Sasuke pulled away and rested his forehead against Sakura’s. “So this is what you’ve been hiding, huh? How could I not be happy? I’m going to be a father because of you.”

Tears brimmed Sakura’s eyes as she gazed at her husband.

Sasuke smiled. “This is the best New Year’s gift I’ve ever received.”

#SASUSAKU #sakura haruno #sasuke uchiha #sakura uchiha #ss fanfics #sasusaku fanficstion #sasusaku fanfics

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skeletorific · 4 years

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Hello! I was wondering which friendsim troll do you think would be the best to rant to? Like mspa had a bad day and just needed to rant to someone kakat style about how they dropped their coffee or got caught in traffic or broke their favorite cup?

I didn’t really know how to rank this and so just decided to do all trolls and judge them based on how good they’d be to rant to. Also I’m gonna assume non-quadrant for this. The behavior would adjust a bit (depending on which quadrant)

Ardata Carmia: Absolutely does not want to hear about it unless it ends in revenge and is somehow relevant to her. She has her own minor slights to be worried about, THANK YOU. 0/10.

Diemen Xicali: He seems like a good listener up until a point, and actually has some pretty good life advice when he wants to. There is, however, a 40-50% chance he’ll tune you out to think about meat midway through. 7.5/10

Amisia Erdehn: She can be a bit no-nonsense and may tell you to suck it up more often than not, but if you get her past that hurdle she can be a pretty good listener, especially if you agree to pose for her while you talk. That said, maybe don’t use the 10 year old as a vent. 6/10.

Cirava Hermod: Will listen to you rant about the worst day of your life and respond “big mood lmao”. 4/10.

Skylla Koriga: The platonic ideal of the rant friend. She’s an excellent listener, doesn’t jump in too early, gets angry on your behalf or laughs if you’re the type to joke throughout. She’s just got one of those faces that projects empathy. Additionally, she’ll make you some good strong tea and pastry, which always help.12/10

Bronya Ursama: You’d think she’d be better at it, and she really does want to be there for you! But ultimately, well....Bronya’s a very busy person and very “solutions” oriented. Which can be good sometimes! But if you’re just looking to get something off your chest, she really doesn’t know what to do and may come off as lightly uncomfortable. She’s trying her best though. 6/10.

Tagora Gorjek: You have to be careful with your timing, if you catch him when he’s busy he’s like as not to tell you to get over it and get on with your day. Still, get him on a spa day, over some strong tea, there’s nothing he loves more than a good old-fashioned bitch session. He’s got some rants of his own, and saves them up for your mutual day of wrath. 8/10.

Vikare Ratite: He has trouble sitting still for long and it can be hard to break him out of his own head but once you get him down to earth again (so to speak) he’s a very sympathetic listener and not bad at the occasional pep talk, given his proclivity for looking on the bright side. 7/10

Polypa Goezee: She’s not quite as active a listener as Skylla but she lets you say everything you need to and has a knack for asking exactly the right question. Polypa’s not much for sympathy, but she has a way of nodding that says “been there buddy” and you almost always find that you feel better after talking to her for a while. 10/10

Zebruh Codakk: Look I’m gonna give it the benefit of the doubt and say that he genuinely has good intentions at the start but stuff that’s not about him tends to go in one ear and out the other. He tends to empathize by supplying anecdotes about his own problems, which can be grating, but ultimately if what you’re going through falls outside his experience he’s gonna find some other way to make it about him. Will be very enthusiastic to get you to use his feelings jam pile though. 2/10.

Elwurd: Also has a hard time not making it all about her own shit or just kind of waving it off with a “that’s rough dude”. Elwurd’s not great with emotional vulnerability and it really shows. Still, there’s potential if you’ve been around long enough for her to get her head out of her ass. 3/10.

Kuprum Maxlol and Folykl Darane: If you can make it funny you’re golden, Kuprum and Folykl love complaining as much as the next troll. Still, coming to them when you’re going through genuine emotional distress....really, what were you thinking? For the record, Kuprum is more likely to apologize for going too far afterwards but even that’s unlikely unless all of you are really close. Still, they’d absolutely be down to help you jack the palmhusk of the asshole who spilled hot coffee on you, no question. 4/10

Remele Namaaq: Like Amisia and Bronya, she’s typically more on the no-nonsense end of the equation and very solutions oriented. She’ll let you speak a little longer while posing but is also pretty likely to keep asking you “so what exactlye do you plan to do aboute it?” Still, she’s also likely to solve your problems just for the sheer flare of it.7/10

Konyyl Okimaw: Is a great listener and will kill you if you tell anyone. She can be a bit on the abrasive side “pfft, then WHAT, you cried like some kind of WRIGGLER?” but then immediately follows it up with “because i’ve been told crying in that kind of situation can be healthy, you know, in small DOSES.” There’s a lot of bluster, but if she can coach you through a panic attack after a massacre, she can handle this. 11/10

Tyzias Entykk: Roughly the same strategy as Polypa. More likely to joke about your problems, though if you tell her you’re not in the mood she can tamp it down. You worry sometimes about overloading her with all the stress she’s already under, but truth be told she kind of likes hearing about someone’s problems that aren’t hers. Nice change, as long as they don’t expect her to help too much. 10/10

Chixie Roixmr: She tries her best, she really does, but she’s honestly going through a lot on her own, and it can be difficult for her to hear about yet one more problem she can do nothing to solve. You’ll likely notice her politely trying to shift topics after a while, which she feels awful about, but ultimately she has to know her own limits. Still, if there’s something you know she can help with, she’s there no question. Also, if she’s drunk she will absolutely get furious on your behalf and recommend some stunningly violent solutions. It’s very dangerous but surprisingly therapeutic. 5/10.

Azdaja Knelax: Oh he’s fucking awful. He may be the brains of the group but Konyyl got the emotional intelligence. He genuinely cannot understand why you’re involving him unless you think there’s something he can do about it. Otherwise, save it for the vent chittr, kid. 0/10.

Chahut Maenad: As with everything Chahut is a bit on the changeable side, but she’s usually content to listen quietly while you get it off your chest. Like drunk Chixie, her suggestions for solutions tend to be unsettlingly violent and you’re never quiiiiite sure if she’s joking or not, but its a weirdly good distraction. Chahut tends to cope with her problems on her own, but she doesn’t mind hearing you out when you need it and extends as much sympathy as her nature will allow. Pats your cheek when you’re done and tells you to “chin up liTTle moTherfucker” but there’s a gentleness in her tone. You hope. 8/10.

Zebede Tongva: May end up being so excited by the fact that you want to rant to him that he accidentally tunes you out, but he means well. He’s not much for the emotional insight, but he gets shocked and angry and upset at all the right parts, so he does well for a listener. Just make sure you don’t upset him too much, or you may spend more time trying to calm him down than you do actually venting. 7/10.

Tegiri Kalbur: MUCH better than you would expect. Gets very invested in your problems and listens very intently. As his kohai, your enemies are his and your struggles are felt as his own. Still, he has the highest estimation of your ability to solve problems, and as such it can be hard to get a little hyped up on yourself. Be careful though. Get too hyped up and he may have you looped into a raid on whoever has offended you before you know what’s happening. 9/10.

Mallek Adalov: He doesn’t necessarily do well with real vulnerability and may flounder a bit more than necessary on the right thing to say, but he lets you go as long as you need to and doesn’t interrupt. Mallek’s not the most emotionally intelligent guy but you get the sense when he tells you he’s sorry, he means it. Depending on how low you’re feeling, will definitely let you crash. Tends to throw food at the problem until it goes away. 9/10.

Lynera Skalbi: Uh...may want to give this one a miss. She’s very defensive of you and can be hard to restrain once you’ve gotten her started. Unless you want blood on your hands maybe tell take this to one of your other friends. -5/10.

Galekh Xigisi: He can sometimes talk over you, but in general he’s surprisingly good at listening to you vent. His hive is always open (1. when he’s not busy) and in lieu of emotional insight he has a very nice goatdad who will let you pet him. 8/10

Tirona Kasund: As mentioned, don’t use the ten year olds for therapy, but Tirona takes to it a bit better. Not because she’s particularly emotionally intelligent, but because she likes the sense that you trust her enough to bring this to her. It makes her feel more adult, a feeling she really enjoys. Bringing smaller complaints to her (bad traffic, etc) can be a good way to strengthen the bond. 6.5/10

Boldir Lamati: An excellent listener, and she often takes a much broader perspective that can help you contextualize things if you need to. Failing that, though, she’s content to just listen to you talk about your day. Its relaxing to tune into. 10/10

Stelsa Sezyat: Do it while you’re doing your hair or she’s doing yours, and she’ll be the best listener you could hope for. That said, she loses points for scheduling issues. Nothing kills a good vent like someone’s beeper going off or having to be pencilled into her color-coordinated nightmare. 7.5/10

Marsti Houtek: Nothing about her demeanor indicates good person to vent to, but surprisingly enough she kinda shines if you just need someone to quietly listen and not say much. She gets that, she’s been through that, and while she’s never going to be like “tell me how that makes you feel”, she doesn’t stop you once you get started and may even give you a gentle shoulder pat when you’re done. Its not much, but for Marsti, its a lot. 7/10.

Karako Pierot: Wisdom far beyond his years. 15/10.

Charun Krojib: Usually tries to get you to vent out your frustrations through art, which is more helpful than you’d expect. They’re not the best at solutions or comfort in the technical sense, but they will occasionally have a surprising amount of insight. More than that, they’re a vey nonjudgemental presence, which is helpful. 8/10

Wanshi Adyata: Occasionally she will say something so wise and insightful into your situation that you’ll be baffled that something like that could emerge from someone so young and relatively shelters. Other times she’ll incorporate what you tell her into her fanfiction. Win some, lose some. 5/10.

Fozzer Veyles: Weirdly enough the only thing that didn’t change about Fozzer across his mindwipes is that he’s a terrible listener. Pre Wipe Fozzer would make everything about the revolution. Post Wipe Fozzer will take any complaint as a reflection of your views on the system, and lecture you about how it could always be worse. 2/10.

Marvus Xoloto: With Wanshi in terms of the Russian Roulette of vents. Sometimes he drops these insight bombs on you that just completely blindside you. Its not for nothing that he got a knack for reading crowds. But he may or may not also mine you for song lyrics on occasion. Also may try to make it a flirting thing. (”so anyways then he threatened me-” “haha oh damn and then wat lol ;op”) 4/10 at least you get to look at his tits

Daraya Jonjet: Like most teenagers, Daraya has a hard time relating to things outside her realm of experience, but she tends to get really angry on your behalf, which is extremely validating. Still, it may mingle a bit with her own general anger and wind up...not really being about her issue. She can redirect if called out though, and she tries at least to be there for you as much as you are for her. 7/10

Nikhee Moolah: Did someone say rage exercises. Because Nikhee sure is saying that! A lot! Very loudly! They ARE effective in that its a little hard to hang onto your annoyance with shattered bones. But Nikhee also gives the best pep talks, so it’s not a total waste. 8/10.

Lanque Bombyx: He’s such an asshole about it and usually act like you’re wasting his time, but he’s listening more than he lets on. You’ll be chewing him out about not paying any attention and he’ll finally burst out “for fuck’s sake if you’re haVing skin problems you can just borrow my routine” or some other, surprisingly helpful thing. You’ll have to push him hard to get him to follow through (or bribe him) but Lanque is extremely observant, even when he wants to pretend he isn’t. 4.5/10

Barzum and Baizli Soleil: R U N 0/10.

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