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#but it’s friday when I’m posting this

ckret2 · 1 day

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Just binge read through ALL the chapters of “Goldielocks cipher” AND I LOVE IT!! bill’s human design was the first thing that caught my attention upon seeing it for the first time, I love your reasoning about how you wanted to have his design mutually different from the stereotypical skinny designs people have given him in the past, I’ll also referencing the ‘canon’ human design alex had made. (did you know I had first cause a glimpse of your art from google images? small world.) his chaotic eating habits, and his friendship with Mabel are my favorite aspects of this au. I love all the chapters that involve those two hanging out.

I love the fact i found such a fantastic gravity falls au in 2024, especially since it’s mainly bill centered, I love my dorito boy <3

My favorite recent chapter has to be bill’s mental breakdown post ‘gravitational eclipse’ arc, putting aside my love of hurt comfort, it felt good seeing bill finally have a good cry. Even better when he felt safe enough to cry in Mabel’s arms when he knew his feelings would be validated

Now that I’m all caught up, do you have a set schedule for when you upload new chapters? Like a set day? I hope you have a great rest of your day/night, and I’ll just be sitting here thinking about this au

Hi, thanks so much!! I'm glad you're enjoying it! 😁 my art's been getting surprisingly high hits on google images, idk why but i've seen my art pop up in searches and friends have told me they pop up too lmao. if google wants to help me reach new readers, I'll take it.

New chapters go up every Friday, usually sometime between 4:30 and 6:30 pm my timezone. For context, as of posting this it's currently 7:15 pm my timezone.

(And good news, most of the next few chapters are about Bill & Mabel.)

#rainbow beanie #ask #bill goldilocks cipher #(this week's chapter is nothing BUT bill & mabel)

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chicgeekgirl89 · 1 day

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Thanks to @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut, @im-overstimulated-and-im-sad, @strandnreyes, @thisbuildinghasfeelings,

@whatsintheboxmh, and @lemonlyman-dotcom (and also @carlos-tk here is your last sneak peek!) for the tags!

I cannot believe this is the last Thirst Trap Thursday WIP Wednesday! I have a lot of feelings, but I'll save them for when I post the final chapter tomorrow.

“Busy night huh?” The guy standing next to him smiles a charming, perfectly straight smile. He’s got bright eyes and thick, blond hair, and an easy charm that says he knows he’s good looking. “Usually is here on a Friday,” T.K. says. “You come here a lot?” “Couple times a month. I’m here with friends.” “Me too.” The guy nods toward a table in the corner. “We usually go to a place on the other side of town, but my buddies wanted somewhere different tonight.” “Well welcome to the neighborhood,” T.K. says, friendly but not flirty, even though that’s definitely the vibe the other guy is putting out. There was a time when he would have sat down, let this guy order him a drink, and spent the next thirty minutes working on getting a hookup. But tonight all he wants is his boyfriend. It’s a nice feeling to have. “Since you come here a lot you must have some recommendations,” the guy says. T.K. shifts a little so his body is further away, clearly defining the space between them as a boundary. “I mean everything here is pretty good.” “Hmm okay.” He thinks that’s the end of the conversation, but this guy doesn’t take his subtle hints. “So what do you do for work?” T.K. opens his mouth to gently end the conversation, but someone else beats him to it. “He’s a firefighter. And his boyfriend’s a cop.”

Tagging @carlos-in-glasses, @ladytessa74, @bonheur-cafe, and anyone else who would like to share!

#Thirst Trap Thursday #WIP Wednesday #Tarlos

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bigdumbbambieyes · 2 days

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my last post about this because i’m just tired of it.

i never harassed anyone. i never bullied anyone. i never wanted the harringrove cafe blog to shut down/close. this whole thing is being blown out of proportion, so i’m going to tell y’all what happened on my end (with screenshots).

on friday, i went to send out a few treats to a couple friends before the end of the night so they could be sent out the following day — you can see them on the harringrove cafe rn. i signed them with my name because i didn’t want them to be anonymous, i wanted my friends to know it was me. i sent one to Max, unaware of the fact that he was blacklisted, and eagerly waited for my friends to see them the following day.

the others were sent out one by one on saturday, except Max’s. so, i went to ask about it and this is exactly how the convo went:

i messaged about the missing treat, ivy got back to me, i told him which one was missing, he replied that he wasn’t comfortable due to an incident that happened that i had (and still have) no idea what it was about, felt upset that my friend wouldn’t get his treat even tho my other friends got treats. if i hadn’t reached out, i’m not sure if Ivy would’ve even told me that Max wasn’t receiving treats, so i would have never known that this blacklist was happening. so, i thought about it for a bit before telling him how i felt. he sent a screenshot and a final message before blocking me a minute after sending it.

and that’s it.

i felt hurt when i was blocked because previously Ivy and i had been friends, or were at least cool with each other and never had any issues or conflict, so i felt upset by this. i never pressed his boundaries. i never told him to send Max my treat. i was just expressing myself. i wasn’t rude, i even apologized for sharing my thoughts. but he still lowkey blew up at me and is now going off about how i’m a bitch and that he’s closing the cafe over this, which i never wanted or intended.

i made my vent post because i wanted to vent my frustrations. it wasn’t a vague post or public call out because it was a vent post.

i called the exclusion of people from a positivity blog incredibly mean because excluding people from something is mean. i don’t stand with bullying, which is what y’all are doing right now by calling me names.

i’m allowed to be upset about things. i’m allowed to vent on my own blog. i’m allowed to voice my opinions.

i will say that im very sorry and deeply regretful for the drama this has caused, as i never intended for any of it, but i’m not going to let these people step all over me and spread a narrative that isn’t true.

and most of all, thank you to the people that have reached out to check on me, i appreciate and love you 🤍

#fandom wank

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theinfamousnumbereater · 1 month

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oh shit gotta post about the new TMAGP episode wait fuck no that came out yesterday, uh uhhh uhm, oh uh, imagine if it turned out the UK Government was actually the big bad, I don’t know.

#the magnus protocol #tmagp #tmagp 12 #magpod #magnus thursday #but it’s friday when I’m posting this #I dunno lol

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try-set-me-on-fire · 11 months

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Ok well i had the brief thought “what about an ER nurse Eddie au?” and then this popped fully formed into existence so fuck it Friday pt 2.. warnings for smoking and vague references to critically injured kids

“That doesn’t seem very healthy.”

Smoke curls up from the cigarette held loosely in Eddie’s hand. “It’s not, particularly.”

Buck’s hands are in his pockets as he strolls away from the glass doors out into the ambulance bay where Eddie is doing the mature, professional equivalent of playing hide and seek. He comes to a stop barely a foot or two away from where Eddie leans against grimy concrete. “Didn’t know you were a smoker.”

“I’m not,” Eddie sighs, “Particularly.” He looks over Buck’s face as he takes a drag, cataloging bruises and cuts. He hadn’t been the one to look him over before he was discharged, probably because he was out here avoiding having to do so. “Only when it’s- only after the bad shifts.” And only once a month, even if the bad shifts come again and again. He bought this pack in January, it’s stale as shit.

Buck’s eyes follow the smoke as it drifts skyward. “Rough one today?”

Eddie thinks he probably doesn’t have to explain to Buck that it’s sometimes better when a kid is dead on arrival so he doesn’t have to try his best to administer care he knows will be useless. He doesn’t have to explain a day where nothing goes right and he loses more people than he can save and he still has to walk away from someone’s parent or wife or sister, left behind forever in a waiting room on the worst day of their life, and go on to lose the next person too. Doesn’t have to explain why he’s out here, and not in there. “Mm. We’ve got this repeat customer, always hate to have him back.”

Buck’s eyes flick to his face before they settle somewhere around his elbow. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. He seems like a nice guy. I worry about him. He’s here too often.”

Buck doesn’t look up. “What was he in for this time?”

“Minor concussion. Bruising. Lacerations.” Eddie sucks cancer into his lungs. “Heard a house fell on him.” Exhales it into the night.

Buck does look up this time, eyes a darker blue out here in the shadows. “Part of a house. Just a staircase and the- like, the balcony, really.”

“Maybe he should stay away from those.”

“From houses?” Buck asks, half his mouth twitching into a smile.

Eddie rests his head on the wall behind him. “Guess that’s not really practical.”

“No.” Buck is quiet for a moment, one hand slipping out of his pocket and running through his hair. Eddie wonders what he looks like, when he’s not here. He’s more styled, sometimes, when things aren’t very bad. He wonders if he’s usually all gelled up and neat. Eddie kind of likes the loose curls. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“Making your day worse.” Buck looks genuinely apologetic, and Eddie shakes his head.

“The guy made it out okay this time.” Buck is just close enough that Eddie can kick at his boot with his sensible orthopedic sneaker. “You didn’t even need stitches.”

“That’s good.” Eddie’s left foot is pressed along the inside of Buck’s right, and Buck is staring down at them. “His favorite nurse was on break. I would have missed you if someone else had to do them.”

Eddie laughs, just a few bursts of soundless oxygen. “You gotta find new ways to see me before something happens that I can’t fix.”

Buck moves, taking the few steps necessary to lean against the wall beside him. Carefully, he takes the cigarette from Eddie’s hand, holds it between two of his own fingers, and takes a drag. Eddie watches it happen like he’s monitoring somebody’s pulse ox, and when Buck coughs he laughs again, louder this time. “Fuck,” Buck says, laughing too. “Thought that would be cooler than it was.”

“Smoking isn’t cool, firefighter Buckley,” Eddie says, taking the cigarette back and pulling from it again between smiling lips.

“Hm,” Buck says, grinning out into the night. Then he sighs, and rolls his head along the concrete to look at Eddie. “I think there’s nothing you can’t fix.”

They’re very close. “There’s lots I can’t fix.”

Buck shrugs like he disagrees. “I also think I’d like to find other ways to see you.”

Buck’s eyes are even more in shadow at this angle, and they’re the color of the lake back in El Paso that he and a bunch of kids went to after graduation, drunk off beer somebody’s cousin got for them, skinny dipping with breathless terrified delight under bright constellations. “Then ask me.”

Buck inhales as Eddie exhales. “What time’s your shift end?”

“5:30 AM. So, probably 6:15.”

Buck traces the two fingers he’d used to hold the cigarette down Eddie’s arm. “You wanna get breakfast with me?”

“Yes. I would.”

Buck smiles, and Eddie snubs out the cigarette on the wall between them. “I’ll meet you here?”

“Alright.” He takes a step forward, then a step to the right so he’s standing in front of Buck. “Two hours.”

“Uh huh.”

He should really get back inside. They’re understaffed, as always, and there are too many patients, as always, and not enough beds, as always. “See you then.” He doesn’t make any move to leave.

“See you then,” Buck almost whispers. He leans forward, and Eddie still doesn’t move, so he presses a tiny kiss to the corner of his mouth for just a moment. His lips are warm. Eddie hadn’t noticed it was cold outside.

Buck pulls back and leans against the wall again. Eddie smiles, puts a hand in his pocket, and walks back toward the doors.

#my writing #fuck it Friday #i swear I’m going to finish trapped buck and Chris and work on proposal fic before i work on this more #but it would be a bunch of glimpses of Buck’s various hospital trips from Eddie’s nurse perspective #and maybe shuffle some events around? like maybe eddie still gets shot but by a disgruntled former patient this time and #so he does a stint in the maternity ward and buck shows up there #and Eddie is like you’re having a kid?#and bucks like no my sister is what are you doing here #and when buck gets the story he’s like fuck. shit. im sorry i wasnt there #and eddies like picturing seeing buck in that moment of violence and says im glad you weren’t #also Eddie could still be the one who restarts his heart after the lightning strike #this bit is maybe the last scene actually sorry for posting the end first #have a good breakfast boys #buddie #evan Buckley #eddie diaz #911 abc

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wavesoutbeingtossed · 4 months

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Screaming from the crypt (or how the past haunts the present on Midnights)

I know it's been discussed so much since Midnights came out but just.

I love how there is such a clear narrative throughout the album (and perhaps especially on the 3am/Vault tracks). About questioning and regret and choices and coming to terms with all of it. It is one long story about how we're all a mosaic of the choices we make, each one taking something from us and leaving something else in its place.

(And now a disclaimer: I'm looking at this mostly through a narrator/subject lens, and trying not to dive too deeply into real-life events or speculation except for in a general sense. For this purpose I like to look at the body of work as art, like literature, because I find it makes it easier to see the common threads in the different songs and cohesion in the narrative.)

In looking at the 3am+ tracks in particular, it's fascinating how some turns of phrases or themes repeat themselves in different songs, in different contexts. (I'm only focusing on the non-standard tracks because there are too many songs and I'd be here all day but I bet I could do a part two lol.) I know many people have pointed out the parallels throughout her discography already and I’m not saying anything groundbreaking by writing this, but I love how these parallels run through in the same album, because it makes it seem like it's one long story, or at least, one long rumination on many different stories that are coalescing into a single narrative.

Battle (let’s go)

For instance, the one that jumped out at me when I started writing this post the other week was, "Tore your banners down, took the battle underground," in The Great War and "If clarity's in death, then why won't this die? Years of tearing down our banners, you and I," in Would've, Could've Should've. It's a story about staying stuck in the same cycle of reliving trauma and coping mechanisms and bad habits over and over again and fantasizing about how taking the “antagonist” out and gaining the upper hand for good would bring closure (WCS), but the truth is that nothing ever will. All that cycle does, though, is repeat itself in other situations, and in this case pushes someone away the narrator cares for (TGW). The difference is that the imagined battle in WCS is a two-way street in her mind (that is ultimately unwinnable because it was never a fair fight), but in TGW it's one-sided -- she's the one fighting dirty, taking shots, the way she'd been doing in her imagination (or nightmares) all these years. But the person in front of her isn't fighting back the way the person in her mind in WCS would, because their intentions are honourable instead of exploitative.

And that's paralleled in another pair of lyrics from the two songs, "And maybe it's the past talking, screaming from the crypt, telling me to punish you for things you never did," (in TGW) and "The tomb won't close, I fight with you in my sleep," (in WCS). In both cases, the funeral imagery makes it seem like this past event should be dead and buried in WCS, but it keeps rising from the dead, haunting her no matter what she does and in TGW, another (or perhaps the same?) tomb that won't close keeps unleashing new ways to hurt her and in turn the new person in her life. In other words, the trauma from the past continues to bleed into the present.

(Again from a literary point of view, I'm not saying the events of the two songs are linked IRL, but they're fascinating textual parallels on the album as a string of chapters, which is why Dear Reader is so compelling, but that's a whole other essay.)

To keep the battle motif going, there’s yet another parallel, this time between TGW’s "[You were a] soldier down on that icy ground, looked up at me with honor and truth," and You’re Losing Me’s "All I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier, fighting in only your army.” In the former, the subject is laying down his armour in the war she’s projecting onto him, waving the white flag, and she realizes that she’s about to destroy something if she doesn’t put her sword down too. By the time we get to YLM, the roles are almost reversed; at the very least they’re supposed to be on the same team, but in this case she’s doing all the heavy lifting, fighting for their relationship in contrast to his apathy killing it. It’s also pretty interesting (if not outright intentional) that one of the 3am+ editions of the albums starts with The Great War, where they find themselves in conflict (even if it’s in her head) that ends in a truce, and ends with You’re Losing Me signalling the end of the relationship, evidence that the resolution in the first song wasn’t an ending but merely a ceasefire before the last battle.

Putting the rest under a cut because this is waaaaay too long now ⤵️

(There’s also another metaphor there in The Great War with its battle imagery: World War I, aka The Great War, was supposed to be the war to end all wars, because loss on its scale was never seen before and when it ended, most thought never again would the world embroil itself in such battle, the horrors and implications were so devastating. Two decades later, the world found itself in WWII, with an even larger scope and more horrific consequences, the intervening time between the two a period of festering conflicts and resentment leading to some of the worst acts the world would see. Bringing real life into it for a second, there’s something a little poetic, though sad, about The Great War the song being about a fight that could have ended the relationship that they ultimately resolved and was meant to be evidence of the strength of their love, but so too did it end up being a period of détente, the greater battle coming for them years later. But that is not the point of this post.)

If one thing had been different

Another major theme in these editions is pondering the "what ifs?" of life, but I think it takes on even more significance in the broader context of the album in the lyrics of "I'm never gonna meet what could've been, would've been, should've been you," in Bigger than the Whole Sky and the repetition of would've/could've in Would've, Could've, Should've (I would've looked away at the first glance, I would've stayed on my knees, I would've gone along with the righteous, I could've gone on as I was, would've could've should've if I'd only played it safe, etc.) In both songs, the narrator is mourning an alternate course their life could have taken* and questioning what they could have done differently, in the aftermath of trauma and loss, and the regret that comes with that loss, and with the loss of agency in the situation because ultimately it was never in their hands. In an album full of questions, wondering about the path not taken, or the forks in the road that have led to a different version of your life, it's digging deeper into the contrast of choice vs. fate, action vs. reaction, dwelling on the past vs. moving on. When you're supposed to let go of the past, what do you do when it is holding your future hostage?

(*I know there are different interpretations/speculation about BTTWS which I am not getting into on main. I'm just saying that whatever the song is about, it's grieving something that never came to be. The literal origin of the song is less important to the album than the sense of loss it portrays. Whatever the inspiration is, it's crafted to tell part of the story of Midnights of ruminating over how, to borrow from her previous work, if one thing had been different, would everything be different?)

(Also I was today years old when I realized that the words are inverted in the two songs. Apparently I've been hearing BTTWS wrong this whole time.)

There's also an interesting tangent in the role of faith in both songs: in WCS, the events of the story cause her to lose her faith (e.g. "All I used to do was pray," "you're a crisis of my faith,") and question all the things she felt had been unquestionable until that point in her life (e.g. "I could have gone along with the righteous"), whereas in BTTWS, she questions whether that very lack of faith is to blame for the loss in that song ("did some force take you because I didn't pray? [...] It's not meant to be, so I'll say words I don't believe"). It's like pinpointing the moment her life changed and upended her beliefs (WCS), but as a result then leaving her unmoored in times of crisis because ultimately there's no explanation or comfort to be taken from what she used to hold true before that (BTTWS). The words she once relied upon to guide her have long since lost their meaning, but in times of trouble it leaves her wondering if that faith she once held then lost could have prevented this pain.

(Shoutout to WCS for being Catholic guilt personified lol.)

To keep on with the vaguely faith-y notions, an obvious parallel is the line in Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve about, “I damn sure never would've danced with the devil at nineteen,” and, "When you aim at the devil, make sure you don't miss," in Dear Reader. All of WCS is about her fighting with an antagonist who haunts her, with whom she wholly regrets ever becoming involved. DR could be seen as a reflection on that fall from grace, warning the audience that if you choose to go after the person (or thing) haunting you, make sure you do so clearheaded enough to be decisive. Again, these “devils” may not be related in real life: the IRL devil in DR could be speaking about her naysayers, or Kim*ye, or Scott & Scooter B, etc., meaning not to cross your enemies until you know you can win. But taking real life out of it and looking at it textually, I am intrigued by the link between WCS and DR, so that’s what I’m going with here. And perhaps that’s even the point in a wider sense; there will be multiple “devils” in your life, or threats to your well-being. If you’re going to commit to taking them down — whether it’s an actual person, or the demons inside you that refuse to let you go — make sure you have the right ammo so that they can no longer hurt you. (Of course, one lesson from these experiences is that sometimes you can’t win, and you have to live with the fallout.)

(Sidebar: I know that “dancing with the devil” is a turn of phrase that means being led into temptation and engaging in risky behaviour, as opposed to describing the actual person. Given the religious metaphors in the song, that could very well be/is the intention, particularly when it’s preceded by, “I would have stayed on my knees” as in she would have continued to follow her faith — in whatever sense that means — had she never met this person, which could also be a more eloquent way of saying she would have continued to be live her life in a way that was righteous (even naive) and seen the world in black and white. Either way, it’s a force she wholly rejects. Like I said, multiple devils, same fight.)

Regret comes up too: in WCS, she says, "I regret you all the time," obviously directed at the person who manipulated her and led to her perceived downfall, citing him as the one impulse she wished she'd never followed, because it won't leave her no matter how hard she’s tried. In High Infidelity, she tells the person to, "put on your records and regret me," and on the surface, it’s like she’s turning the tables, painting herself as the one now causing the regret in someone else, the one inflicting the pain this time. Yet the verse preceding it and the lines following it in the chorus depict a partner who is also emotionally manipulative and vindictive like in WCS (“you said I was freeloading, I didn’t know you were keeping count,” “put on your headphones and burn my city,”). It’s not so much that she’s intentionally harming the person (the way the person in WCS does to her), but rather that the venom in the subject’s feelings towards her seeps through; she’s imagining the way he’s going to feel about her when she leaves, hating her just for by being who she is. (There could be another tangent about how in both songs she’s there to be a “token” in a game for both of the men, who play her for their own purposes.) The regret is dripping with disdain. It’s as though she’s picturing how the person is going to hate her for doing what she’s thinking of doing the way she hates the person who first hurt her.

Sadness, unsurprisingly, shows up in a few lyrics. In BTTWS, “Everything I touch becomes sick with sadness,” sets the scene of a person so overcome with grief that it permeates everything around them; they cannot see their way out of it and feel like the fog will never lift. In Hits Different, it’s, “My sadness is contagious,” the result of a breakup where the person’s grief again touches everything and everyone around them, pushing them further in their despair and loneliness. The reason behind the grief in either case may vary, but regardless of the source, the feeling is overpowering and isolating. They may be different chapters in the story, but the devastation is hauntingly familiar. (As is a recurring theme in Midnights as a whole: there are situations and feelings that present themselves at different points in her journey and colour in the lines in different ways along the road. Like revisiting an old vice and realizing the hit isn’t quite the same as it was in the past.)

Death by a thousand cuts

She also writes about wounds on this album, which isn't surprising I suppose given that the whole conceit is that these are things that have kept her up at night over the years. WCS is perhaps the driving narrative on this never ending hurt when she sings, “The wound won't close, I keep on waiting for a sign, I regret you all the time,” suggesting that no matter what she does, the pain of this experience has permeated everything she’s done afterwards. (Not unlike the overwhelming grief in BTTWS, for instance.) Elsewhere, in High Infidelity she sings, "Lock broken, slur spoken, wound open, game token," and in Hits Different, "Make it make some sense why the wound is still bleeding.” Again I'm not suggesting they're about the same events; the line in HI is about a situation where a partner crosses a boundary, hits below the belt, picks at an insecurity (or creates a new one) and treats the relationship like it's transactional, opening the floodgates in turn. In HD, the wound seems to be more self-inflicted, where she's pushed the person away. (Over a situation real or imagined she feels she needs distance from.) But again, something has picked at her like a raw nerve, and just like in the past, she's hurting, even in a different time and place and person. Almost like the wounds of the past break open over and over again to create new scars. If one were to extrapolate further, it wouldn’t be the biggest leap to wonder if the wound open in WCS, then torn apart in HI makes the one in HD hurt even more.

(I once wrote a post about how I think as time goes on, WCS is going to turn into one of those songs that will be found to drive so much of her work, because it’s just… kind of the unsaid thesis statement of so much of her songwriting.)

Another repeated theme is that of the empty home and loneliness. In High Infidelity, she sings, "At the house lonely, good money I'd pay if you just know me, seemed like the right thing at the time," painting a picture of someone who may have everything they'd want to the outside world, but in reality feels metaphorically trapped in their home (or at least alone amidst abundance), a symbol of a relationship gone sour and a failure to build connection. She just wants someone to understand her, want her for her, but as she's written earlier in the song, she's just a pawn in the game, a trophy from the hunt. Home, in this case, is lonely, isolated, an emblem of her fears. In Dear Reader, she continues this thread, then singing, "You wouldn't take my word for it if you knew who was talking, if you knew where I was walking, to a house not a home, all alone 'cause nobody's there, where I pace in my pen and my friends found friends who care, no one sees you lose when you're playing solitaire." It's the same idea, admitting to listeners that the gilded cage she lived in kept her distanced from her loved ones and real connection, keeping her struggles close to the vest but feeling desperately lonely amidst her crowning success. She's pushed people away and it may have felt like the right thing at the time, but in the end maybe felt like she was trapped. And when you push people away, eventually they take you at your word and stop pushing back; you’re a victim of your own success at isolating yourself. What starts out of self-preservation then further perpetuates the underlying problems.

(There's another interesting link about "home" also feeling unsafe with HI's "Your picket fence is sharp as knives," which further leads into the theme of marriage/domesticity feeling dangerous, which is a whole other thing I won't get into here because it's another discussion and may derail this already gargantuan word salad.)

In a slightly similar vein, we have the metaphor of bad weather for a rocky road or unstable relationship, in High Infidelity again with, "Storm coming, good husband, bad omen, dragged my feet right down the aisle" and You’re Losing Me’s "every morning I glared at you with storms in my eyes.” They aren’t speaking of the same situation or even same kind of breakdown, but it is pretty interesting how the idea of clouds/storms/floods/etc. play such a role in Taylor’s music to signal depression, apprehension, fear, uncertainty, etc. In HI, I think the “storm” coming is the looming threat of commitment to a partner who makes the narrator uneasy (if not fearful). In this case, the idea of making a life with this person is not one that incites joy or comfort, but instead makes the narrator feel that dark times are ahead if she continues down this path. Perhaps in some way, the “storms” in YLM have made good on the threat in HI in a different way; it’s a different home, a different relationship, but the clouds have settled in regardless, and some of her fears have come to fruition in ways she did not expect. The person she once trusted no longer sees her or her struggles (or worse, doesn’t care), and the resentment and pain build with each passing day.

Coming back to heartbreak, one of the obvious "full circle" moments is the beginning of a relationship in Paris, where she says that, "I'm so in love that I might stop breathing," clearly enthralled in a new love that allows her to shut the world out and grow in private, capturing the all-encompassing nature of the relationship. This infatuation has consumed her in the most wonderful way (in contrast to the sorrow of some of the previous songs), and it feels like a life-altering (or even life-sustaining?) force that is so strong she may forget what it’s like to breathe. (Metaphorically speaking, of course.) By the end of the album, though, in You're Losing Me, that heart-stopping love has become a threat: "my heart won't start anymore for you." In the former, her racing heart is full of excitement, but by the latter, her heart has given out completely under the weight of the pain she bears. (YLM is full of death/illness imagery which I already wrote about awhile ago so I won't hear, but needless to say that song deserves its own essay for so many reasons.) She's gone from the unbridled joy of the beginnings of a relationship to the unrelenting sorrow of its end, two sides of the same coin.

Love as death appears elsewhere in the music too, for instance, in High Infidelity’s, “You know there's many different ways that you can kill the one you love, the slowest way is never loving them enough" and You’re Losing Me’s “How can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dying? […] My face was gray, but you wouldn't admit that we were sick.” Though not completely analogous situations, they both tell the tale of one partner’s apathy (or at least denial) destroying the other. In the former, the partner’s actions (or inaction) are more insidious, if not sinister; in the latter, the lack of momentum (or admission of a problem) is passive. In both cases, the end result is the narrator’s demise; it’s a drawn out affair that chips away at her morale and her health and her sense of self. (Breaking my own rule about bringing in alleged actual events into the discussion, but the idea that the relationship in High Infidelity, which was obviously fraught with unease and even fear, ended in a similarly excruciatingly slow and hurtful death by a thousand cuts as the relationship in You’re Losing Me almost did at that time must have been so painful. It almost feels like YLM is wondering why what used to be a source of light in her life was mirroring a situation that caused her such pain in the past.)

From the same little breaks in your soul

I said early on that part of what is so compelling about Midnights is that it feels like an album about ruminating — on choices, on events, on people — and the two final “bonus” tracks of the album depict that as well. In Hits Different, she sings that, “they say if it’s right, you know,” an ode to the confusion of a breakup and struggling with the aftermath of calling it quits. It’s a line that has always intrigued me, because the typical use of the phrase is in the sense of, “you’ll know when you meet the one,” but here it seems to have a double meaning, a reassurance perhaps from the friends (who later on tell her that "love is a lie") that she’ll know if she’s made the right decision in calling it off, but could also be her wondering if the relationship is right, she’ll know, and want to reconcile. In the final bonus track, You’re Losing Me, she sings, “now I just sit in the dark and wonder if it’s time,” this time leaving no doubt about the dilemma she faces, though it’s no less fraught. She’s wondering, perhaps for the last time, if now is finally the moment to end the relationship for good. They say that if it’s right she’ll know, and now she’s wondering if that feeling inside her (that once told her her partner was the one, which is why it hit differently), is telling her that it’s time to go for good. Wait Alexa play “It’s Time To Go.” These are not only the things that keep her up at night, but the things that play over in her mind like a film reel in her waking hours.

Midnights as a whole is a deeply personal album, as is most of Taylor's work, but the 3am+ edition tracks seem to dig even deeper to a lot of the issues raised on the standard album. Almost like the standard tracks are the things she wonders about on sleepless nights, but the bonus tracks are the things that haunt her in the aftermath. The regret, anger, sadness, grief, relief, even joy— they’re the price she pays for the memories she keeps reliving. Midnights might be the most cohesive narrative of all her albums, and really does feel like we’re watching someone work through her journal over time, stopping short of outright naming those giant fears and intrusive thoughts (except for when she does) but making them plain as day when you connect the songs together, and perhaps never more clearly than in the expanded album. It’s incredible how the songs stand on their own to relay a specific moment in time, but that they are also self-referential to each other (whether thematically or overtly) to weave a larger web over the entire work. We’re so lucky as fans to have these stories and to keep peeling back these layers as time passes. (And my literature-analysis-loving ass loves her even more for it.)

This is obviously by no means an exhaustive list, and I know there are more parallels and probably even stronger links (particularly when you add the standard version into the mix), but these were the ones that particularly struck me and I’m just glad I’ve had a chance to sit with this and think it through. ❤️

#writing letters addressed to the fire #me thinking too hard about taylor lyrics #taylor swift #midnights #long post #lyrics analysis #song parallels #Gabby this one is for you friend <3 #here goes nothing #Happy Friday or something idk!#(also i know i said there are things i wouldn’t discuss on main but my dms are open lol)#this is not as structured or well plotted out as I wanted it to be #and turned out to be more stream of consciousness than legit essay #but whatever at least i got my thoughts out there and it can release some plot of land in my brain for other stuff to think over lol #If anyone ever reads this thank you! And I’m sorry?#The best compliment i ever got in school #was when we were doing an analysis of a poem in English lit in college #And i brought something up casually #and my prof went ‘I’ve been teaching this class for eight years and that’s the first time anyone’s ever brought it up like that’#’and that just blew my mind’#and i was like ‘who me?’#so that’s all you need to know about me lol #Midnights: The Great War #Bigger than the whole sky #bttws #Midnights: Paris #Midnights: high infidelity #would’ve could’ve should’ve #Midnights: dear reader #midnights: bigger than the whole sky

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rosesofenvy · 6 months

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Golden Future AU Arc 2 Chapter 5 Sneak Peek!

Chapter will be posted Friday 12/08

Collab with @sha-biest - check out the #goldenfuture tag for more content!

#rottmnt #rottmntfanfic #goldenfutureau #goldenfuture #sbrecollab #rottmnt bishop #I’m not lying when I say this was one of my favorite chapters to write #I can’t wait to post it Friday #sorry this is going up so late #today was really really long and sucked really really bad

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crybaby-bkg · 10 months

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“Can you help me with this, please?” You ask gently, chin jutting in Dabi’s direction. Your eyes are still glued to the task at hand, but you finally look up when a few beats of silence pass. Dabi’s looking at you from across the table, arms folded, resting the lower half of his face behind his forearms. His eyes are bright in the dimmed light of the living room, and his gaze is enthralling when it snaps from your hands to your eyes.

He doesn’t answer still, as he watches you. Bounces from you tying the party balloons, back to your face, to the other balloons scattering the floor, your face again. He inhales slowly, before sitting up, stretching his arms like a feral turned house cat. He reaches across the table with nimble fingers, grabbing for a balloon, and blows it up with his mouth despite the helium tank sitting a foot away from the balloons.

You blink at him a few times, taking him in—his low lids, tautly pulled mouth, the bored expression on his face, his slumped shoulders. Your head tilts as you place the balloon you just blew up between your legs to keep from floating away, frowning at him.

“What cogs are turning in that pretty little head of yours?” You ask, smiling faintly when he chuckles at you. Dabi blows up another balloon with his mouth before he answers you with a shrug.

“A lot, and nothing at the same time.” He grunts after a while. “Don’t worry about it too much, angel. Shouldn’t be occupied with my shit on your birthday.” Dabi tries placating you with the nickname, but you don’t budge.

“But if there’s something up with you, I can’t celebrate wholly.” You confess, tying a string to the balloon in your lap, gaze focused on him after you let it float to the ceiling.

“And why’s that?”

“Because I feel guilty celebrating myself knowing,” you stop yourself, mouth clamped shut, but you don’t look away from him. Dabi fixes you with a look, his mouth twisted, already knowing what words you were about to spill. He sighs after a long while, shoulders slumping, running a hand down his face.

“I shouldn’t be,” he stops himself, pauses for a long while, eyes fixated on the decorations in front of him. “I never got this whole, you know, shebang growing up. I just don’t know how to—to do this whole thing. Birthdays and decorations and celebrations, and shit.”

“You could always learn with me.” You tell him, barely a beat passing before you answer him. Your eyes are full of such sweetness, sincerity, and it makes his chest ache a little. You’re always so full of hope whenever it comes to him, so full of grace and understanding. How could you pass so much kindness onto a person so bitter like him? He can barely be happy that it’s your birthday without thinking about his own past.

And yet, you grab his hand and smile at him. Throughout the afternoon you hand him streamers and tape and which candles to get from the drawer to light. You help him find his best outfit for the party and bring him into the conversation every time your friends talk. You hold his hand while you’re sung to and squeeze it so tight when you blow out your candles.

He doesn’t understand your grace, but he’s thankful for it. Even if it’s just a tiny bit.

#birthday posts bc I thot about him Friday and it made me sad lmfao #bc I know he was never celebrated properly when he was just a baby!!!!#it probably always tense #always scared someone/he would say or do something wrong and ruin everything #always tense and a little strung tight despite natsuo’s efforts to better it #and then after he ‘dies’ he doesn’t really celebrate it again #especially not properly #toga and twice probably throw together a lil rinky dink party but :(((#I JUST SO SAD FOR HIM!!!!#okay bye I’m gonna go write a bkg piece 🏃🏽‍♂️ THATS GONNS BE SAD TOO IM SORRY #—new treat in the streets! 🍫#dabi treats! 🍬

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ihatebnha · 2 years

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Bakugo and your daughter cuddle every day after work. It’s a pretty sound routine; he gets home, changes clothes… and then sits down and lets her hug him right up until dinner is ready or needs to be made.

And they’re cute together! So cute, in the way she’ll stand on his thigh to rub her cheek against his, and more often than not, he’ll start drifting off to the sound of her babbles about school while listening and patting her little belly.

Things always have to change though, don’t they? When one day it’s her who ends up taking a nap on his stomach… and you’re forced to pluck her off his lap so that she can, at least, go rest in her bed…

Except your first attempt at getting her up results in one scary eye glaring at you as she clings to her father, and says, “let me go, you… you bitch!”

And Bakugo doing such a bad job at hiding his laughter that she ends up waking up anyway… and tries to slap him, too.

#bakugo #kids tw #if you sent me an ask these past couple days… don’t worry!!! I’m gonna try to get to it #but I’m having such a hard time trying to write on my phone #and I don’t want to like. sacrifice quality when I know I could do a better job when I have my computer #so anyway.. things will be slow til Friday! but I see u all #and I thank u!!!!!!!! so much for ur wonderful ideas #anyway this has been on the mind #bakugo and daughter ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️#cutest thing in the world ever #sorry if this is lame tho I wrote it in like. 5 minutes #caitie post

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