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marley-manson · 3 months

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the topic is Trapper and the army as foils, you have three hours, go

In no small part the satire of Mash, particularly in the first half of the show, is tied up with gender performance.

The army represents traditional, stifling and violent masculinity. This is shown through everything from freudian jokes about guns (eg Frank and Margaret's flirtations in The Sniper or The Gun), to Margaret trying to cajole Hawkeye into performing a more traditional standard of masculinity while treating him like a soldier in Comrades in Arms Part 2, to many jokes and comments about (usually) Hawkeye not being a real man in contrast to army standards and various specific army personnel (eg Lyle in Springtime, Flagg in White Gold), to Frank and Margaret's worship of the masculinity of the army ("He's twice the man you'll ever be," re: Flagg and Hawkeye, Margaret's lust for MacArthur, Frank pursuing the sniper in The Sniper in an attempt to be a "real man" in Margaret's eyes, etc) to many jokes positioning the military as a sexually aggressive man pursuing Hawkeye ("Sure, the sun the moon the stars, your high school letterman jacket. Same deal I promised nurse Baker." "A receipt please, and promise you'll go out with other doctors," etc.)

In contrast, the main characters all fail to perform traditional gender in some way, from crossdressing to immaturity to indecisiveness to peacefulness to Margaret's masculinity and Frank's pathetic failure to live up to his own masculine ideals, to just about everything about Hawkeye. His cowardliness, his jokes about not being a real man, his jokes about taking the feminine role in sexual encounters with men and women, even multiple double entendres about his average at best penis size.

Trapper is the most traditionally masculine of the main cast. He still subverts masculinity in some subtle ways here and there, such as the occasional feminizing joke and mentions of not being in great shape, but overall he's the more butch counterpart to Hawkeye's fem. He plays the role of boxer while Hawkeye plays the role of diva in their respective manager/star roleplaying episodes. He's broader and buffer and plays football, often seen playing catch with someone while walking around the compound, while Hawkeye disdains sports and doesn't participate. He reads Field and Stream which Hawkeye derides in Alcoholics Unanimous while making a wry comment about shaving his armpits. A past lover nicknamed him Big John.

And there are many, many jokes about Hawkeye and Trapper being sexual partners. The recurring Uncle Trapper and Aunt Hawkeye gag, if my father sees this you'll have to marry me, for me? only if you put those on, your father and I will tell you what we did to have you, that's when I fell in love with him, etc etc etc. It's constant. In these jokes Hawkeye usually takes the feminine role, though not strictly every time ("Me and the missus," is one exception in As You Were, the dance in Yankee Doodle Doctor is another).

Trapper's masculinity is differentiated from traditional military masculinity in a few ways. Most obviously, Trapper abhors the military's violence. He never uses guns and mocks Frank's obsession with them, he's a healer rather than a soldier, and he's disgusted by the results of military violence on the men on his operating table.

He's also secure in himself. The military's brand of masculinity is strongly characterized by insecurity and overcompensation. Frank is the main representative of this military insecurity - a coward who insists he's brave (The Army Navy Game), a man who clings to a phallic gun to compensate for his sexual and gendered inadequacies (a main theme of The Sniper, perfectly mirrored when the army itself comes in with a vastly disproprotionately powerful automatic machine gun on a helicopter to shoot down one sixteen year old), a homophobe repressing his own attraction to men (As You Were, the original script of George), etc. We also see this in Flagg, who implicitly sublimates sexual urges into violence (seen when he suggestively caresses his gun while describing how he wants to torture a boy in Officer of the Day).

Trapper doesn't need to overcompensate. He's well-endowed physically, he's portrayed as a competent and considerate lover, he's a brave man who doesn't mind being seen as a coward, and he may or may not be attracted to men but either way he's not a homophobe (George) and he doesn't express his sexuality through violence. When Margaret proves herself stronger than him, his response is to be impressed rather than offended (Bombed). When he dances with Hawkeye for a gag, he doesn't mind letting Hawkeye lead.

He's also differentiated in terms of tradition, with the mliitary representing a more propagandic 50s traditionalism, and Trapper representing a 70s, countercultural freedom from tradition. We see this in the way Trapper has plenty of sex despite being married, while adultery is a court-martial offense in the military. It's notable that he's open and carefree about it, while Frank and Margaret are surreptitious and hypocritical in their affair. This lack of traditionalism is also shown in his disrespect for authority, often in direct contrast to Frank and Margaret's worship of it, and his allyship to George who the military would persecute for his sexuality.

So ultimately we can see that while Trapper and the military are both examples of masculine performance, Trapper's masculinity differs from the military's in being more flexible, less violent, less traditional, and more secure. The military's masculinity is far more toxic than Trapper's, particularly in the context of 70s counterculture media, which aligns womanizing with sexual liberation rather than a lack of respect for women, accurately or not.

This contributes to their respective dynamics with Hawkeye.

Hawkeye, we've established, is usually more feminine, and there are a myriad of jokes characterizing Trapper as his sexual partner, as well as the military as a sexual pursuer.

The jokes Hawkeye and Trapper make about their relationship tend towards cozy domesticity. They're Radar's "aunt and uncle," they directly roleplay marriage ("Martha, we're going to have to move, the people upstairs are impossible,") and less directly behave as though married (the bickering in Alcoholics Unanimous, the discussion about naming their pony in Life With Father). Occasionally they're treated as a healthy couple in contrast to Frank and Margaret's toxicity ("While I'm gone, promise you'll go out with other doctors," vs "Touch anyone else and I'll cut off your hands" in Aid Station).

In some instances the jokes lean towards predatory - "If you're trying to get me drunk, it'll work," or "Who is this man in bed with me?" "I followed you home from the movies," but they're always playful, always fond. If Hawkeye takes on a submissive or victimized role in these jokes, it's one he has fun with and discards just as easily in the context of the rest of his relationship with Trapper.

So, it's important to note that Hawkeye and Trapper support each other and look after each other in an equal, enthusiastic friendship. From Trapper ensuring Hawkeye gets to sleep in Doctor Pierce and Mr. Hyde, to Hawkeye supporting Trapper when he wants to adopt a child, to Trapper right at Hawkeye's side as they attempt to procure an incubator, they are there for each other every step of the way. If their relationship is a marriage in some ways, it's a healthy, strong, and non-traditional marriage, an equal and open partnership free of jealousy and insecurities.

Compare that to the military's relationship with Hawkeye. In jokes it's characterized as powerful and predatory, far from an equal partnership. Sometimes it approaches positive - in Carry on Hawkeye, much of the humour is derived from Hawkeye and Margaret's gendered role reversal as she assumes military command of the unit. Hawkeye playfully calls her sir, seductively lies on her desk like a secretary in a porn film, and most notably treats an immunization shot as sexual penetration in a prolonged gag about sexual role reversal. Hawkeye has fun playing a sexually submissive role to a representative of military authority in this episode, but it is a submissive role.

Several of the one-off jokes have a similar sensibility, such as the double entendre of "My bellybutton's been puckering and unpuckering all day," in response to a representative of MacArthur assuming their excitement over the general's arrival to the unit, or Hawkeye's "Okay, take me, I'm yours," to Colonel Flagg. They demonstrate a willingness to play the receptive role on Hawkeye's part, but they also, pointedly, disturb the object of the jokes.

When Hawkeye makes these jokes that sexualize military authority, he's attempting to be provocative as well as defiantly drawing disruptive attention to his own powerlessness as a drafted surgeon. The power dynamic between Hawkeye and the authority of the military only goes one way, and Hawkeye gets a kick out of pointing it out in ways that perturb the representatives of that authority, but it's a power dynamic that takes its toll on him.

Many of Mash's plotlines revolve around Hawkeye rebelling and attempting to seize some scrap of agency back from the military. Adam's Ribs, for example, in which he starts a mild riot over the food he's being fed and spends the episode attempting to procure barbecue ribs from Chicago (which Trapper procures for him), or Back Pay where he tries to charge the military for his forced labour. A particularly notable example is Some 38th Parallels, in which Hawkeye complains about being paid the equivalent of a nickel per operation, and his frustration manifests in impotency until he can perform a gesture of rebellion against the military.

One unfortunate consistency of these episodes is that the army ultimately retains its power. When Hawkeye achieves his goals, it's only in small ways that do little more than satisfy his own need to assert his sense of self. Often, Hawkeye doesn't achieve his goal at all, but is thwarted by the army, such as in For Want of a Boot. In every instance he remains powerless in comparison to the authority of the military.

So the context in which Hawkeye makes these sexualized jokes about the military literally fucking him is one of abject helplessness. In a sense, all he's capable of is pointing out what the military is doing and putting it in his own, audacious terms. He's not capable of preventing it. His jokes usually have an edge of bitterness to them in delivery, and when they don't, that tone is imparted anyway by the greater context.

With Trapper, Hawkeye can play-act a marriage or an assault, but in either case he's an enthusiastically consenting, equal partner. Trapper's performance of masculinity allows for Hawkeye to take any role from victim to wife to husband, and enables Trapper to respond in kind from a position of equality and respect. The military, in its insecure, domineering performance of masculinity, is a dictatorial authority, never allowing Hawkeye perform any role but a feminized, victimized one, and only ever giving him the choice of whether to perform with a wry smile or a sneer.

In short, Trapper is the cool, considerate service top to the military's insecure domineering boyfriend.

I'm tagging everyone who enabled this lol, share the blame. @beansterpie @majorbaby @professormcguire @rescue-ram

#mash #this was dumb but writing it was somehow cathartic for me lol #i should've done this with frank and hawkeye as foils wrt subverting masculinity bc i think that would've been much easier #but i got caught up in this honestly. it's incredibly fun to write this kind of shit #maybe i'll post a round 2 sometime #marley on mash #ship ht #mash gs #and like... it's a little bit parodic but also sincere to an extent lol. this is absolutely one way of reading all the freudian #undercurrents in the show. it's definitely silly to contrast trapper and the military to make a point about how the show depicts #masculinity especially for like 1800 words lmao but it's a very fun angle #trapper mash #hawkeye mash #long post

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moodyseal · 6 months

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"The last one left."

Consider: all the Olympians except Apollo fade somewhere far in the future and he's left alone without his family <3 realistically he would be one of the first ones to go because of his domains but let's overlook such futile details for the sake of this scenario

#i like to put this man in situations #specifically very stressful ones #it's cathartic #trials of apollo #toa #pjo #apollo #lester papadopoulos #percy jackson #this took me so long to render but only because i couldn't decide between ten different versions that had like #one single different detail each #i did it tho!! the indecisive libra allegations aren't real #really happy with the theatre-y vibe i got #could be a tragedy #maybe it is #lonely thoughts #my art

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ghastlyaffairs · 19 days

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for something as trivial and simple those feelings sure are hard to get rid of

also made a gif a version for fun + alt version with no tears under the cut

the gif is in very low resolution...this is a feature (i could make it bigger but that would require saving each frame individually and than glueing it all together. also i feel like low resolution suits it better. aesthetically and fits the mood)

#hs #homestuck #dirk strider #eye strain #probably? if you think i should tag something else let me know!!#anyway hooray its time for rambling in the tags #so uhhh heres the teæ i've been sick for like a week and you know how it is when suddenly your throat becomes the main gunk warehouse #and you can't breathe lol. wish i could just pull it out. anywaaayy this is basically a vent piece for me being sick lol #also i could draw remotively the same thing with kris deltarune. oh how easy it is to project having a cold #though i have been also experiencing troubles with feelings recently as well....how fitting for dirk #speaking of the man himself (enough of me) his relationship with his own Heart...is peculiar to say the least #the thing i love about alphakids is that despite being so feral they were. so relatable. i cannot stress this enough how unwell they are an #and how they represented being a teen so well. yeah being 15 years old makes that to you #imagine being an emotional mess and trying to fit the 'norm' and act normal about your friends so youre not offputting #and then you fall in love with you friend and your ai clone falls in love with him too looool noone makes out of this one alive #uhh literally. godtiering stuff and dying remember #and speaking of it. tw for suicidal talk for the rest of tags #do you ever think dirk was suicidal. of course the part of when he teleports his head to jake was totally planned and he knew he would ->#wake up as dreamself but. don't you think the moment he cut his head off was sort of. cathartic. how much did he hate his own guts #beheading himself not only for the plan...but also because he thought he 'deserved' it #also wow he is a Prince and was literally beheaded don't you think its funny hahaa #sigh poor thing #this has ended on a not the very pleasant note hm #also fckkkkkk i didn't draw anything with rose/mary for the lesbian visabilty week #(putting the slash because tumblr search system has a dumb gag with showing you posts that contain the tag inside the other tag.#and i don't want this post to show up for the ros/mary fans because it's not!!!! its rose's father emotional crisis post!!!!)#update YOOOO WHAT THE HELL THE GIF HAS EVEN LESS PIXELS THEN I PLANNED fantastic #this your breakfast now tumblr. enjoy your crunchy flakes of dirks meltdown. mwah

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lunarharp · 1 year

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into the deep end - 30k T orufrey fic, focusing on memory trauma, disability, and romance.

the sweet oblivion of the victim, the poisoned freedom of the other.

for one moment - it had felt like two parts returned - the needed reunion of two disparate halves. no more secrets, no more pain.

the moment you get to give back what you never wanted to take. that moment, under the night-blooming flowers, when they had both let out the same single broken sigh of relief.

but they were never whole to begin with, were they?

qifrey swore he wouldn't say 'sorry' to this man any more if he could help it - sorry is cheap now. he didn't want to be in a position ever again where you only have 'sorry' left. so he just looks down into the threads of his blanket, strains his eye until it hurts, feeling his insides - his throat, heart and head - burn with pain. he expects more, but olly says nothing.

olly says nothing.

#witch hat tag #orufrey #sorry i wanted to make a new post for my fic since the first illustration is new.#*stands in the middle of a desolate field in the pouring rain* Please Read My Tale...Blease..Oh god please..*collapses to the ground*#someone asked if there's spoilers in it. Um...yes. Sorry...it's about everything #maybe i should describe it more? it's about qifrey becoming more and more disabled - as i feel is his canon trajectory #and both of them processing the choices that have been made. it was necessary for me to explore this in order to fully understand orufrey #and for them to have the cathartic conclusion-that's why this is important to me for my witch hat fanwork making life. this connects it all #and having dived into qifrey's mind and lived through oru's feelings i was able to get to a place that is possible for them.#the hit/kudos ratio is so pathetic idek what happened. ppl opening it realising its long and saving it for later or just bailing lmfao #idek any more i hate advertising my writing i hate trying to get more ppl to read my long fics it's so hard 🥲#i'm so much prouder of this than my art...i was able to sink deeply into the orufrey feelings i had always wanted to fully explore #so. it's there lol.........i reread the date/kiss segment today after trying to forget about it thinking maybe the fic is just BAD lol #and like.....nope! i like it very much and this is what i was trying to get across. and it's always there to be read by anyone who wants to #and i will always remember the bliss i felt while writing when i was just lost in their world and living as them. dear GOD i love them.#i'm grateful to myself that i put in the work and love to make this so that i can always come back to it. i wanna illustrate scenes properly #but i'm never satisfied with drawing things i've written because i just can't capture the vivid experience in my mind. maybe one day.

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cassiaslair · 4 months

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from i prevail's album, trauma ( 2019 ). slightly modified to fit dialogue prompts. if it's in parentheses, feel free to omit it.

bow down.

get on your knees & bow down.

i come alive, i'll survive, take on anything.

so paint a target on my back, let 'em come to me.

i'm on another level that you'll never reach.

if you seek forgiveness, you'll get nothing from me.

you will never know, it's the price i pay.

look into my eyes, we are not the same.

i'm in control, & you'll know my name.

i gave my life, gave it everything.

the best of your best ain't good enough.

keep running your mouth, & i'ma call your bluff.

so... i had this dream, it meant everything, & i watched it come alive.

i let you in, underneath my skin, & i learned to love the lies.

now i lay awake & i contemplate... have i become what i hate?

would you go to war? would you die for it?

paranoid.

something isn't right, i feel it in my bones.

every time i look around, it follows me home.

i get so stressed out when my head gets loud.

all this emptiness inside, i can't fill the void in my mind.

sometimes i just wanna die (wish that i could tell you why).

is it all inside my head?

i just can't escape the noise.

i think i'm paranoid.

every time you leave.

all i ever wanted was to find someone.

holding it together is the hardest part.

every time you leave, i lose a little piece of me.

every time we speak, words don't do it justice.

it's just us from here.

finishing the puzzle is the hardest part.

everyday wishin' you could stay, 'cause our minds may change, but our hearts remain.

i can't believe you gotta go away again.

if you ever start to hesitate & you feel the weight, it starts to break.

we're not the same; know that this means everything to me.

no one said life gets in the way.

rise above it.

i've been patiently waiting, tying my stomach in knots.

i've been lost in the moment, going to war with my thoughts.

if you're feeling the pressure, the pressure's all that i got.

so if you think you're ready, i'm here to tell you you're not.

you're in over your head.

i'll be damned if i ever let you get me again.

i will stop at nothing 'cause i was made to rise above it.

one of these days, everyone will know (but for now i stand alone).

i count my enemies like trophies.

i've got nothing left to prove.

when i look at you, all i see are trophies.

i'm not afraid to put it all on the line (like it runs in my veins).

you cannot stop me, so don't even try.

breaking down.

i think... i think too much.

i'm a little bit paranoid.

i think i'm breaking (down).

maybe it's in my blood.

hate every single second, minute, hour, every day.

everybody's out to get you.

every time they ask me, i just tell 'em that i'm fine.

i try to hide my demons, but they only multiply.

everybody fucking hates you.

i say i'm feeling hopeless, but no one's listening.

i don't really like myself.

DOA.

on our knees, we pray as we waste away.

we dig our grave, dead on arrival.

i close my eyes & contemplate on why i chose to be great.

i find myself trying to escape from where i'm supposed to be safe.

maybe i should pray like i'm supposed to be saved.

sometimes i feel like getting even, but i choose to behave.

i'm mentally locked in a prison (& i need bail).

i wish i was more flourished. i wish i had more courage.

i wonder if it's all worth it (i wonder...).

dead is the land of the free.

am i not worth saving?

gasoline.

let's burn it fucking down.

back from the dead to tell you that i'm alive.

killed the old way (but i survived).

fuck the blueprint.

death or exile, you decide.

tell 'em all that i made my name.

now it's mine to send up in flames.

this right here is as far as you go.

this right here is where i lose control.

burn it all down, i don't give a fuck.

fuck what they say, fuck everything.

kill it all (kill everything).

nothing but red inside when i close my eyes.

break or bow down, you decide.

tell 'em all that you can't be saved.

tell 'em all that you dug this grave.

learn to live in this mess you made.

hurricane.

tell me i was never good enough.

remind me of the demons that i've been running from.

tell me who the hell you thought i was.

just blame it on the person, the person i've become.

lately, i don't give a fuck.

i can't be myself when i'm with anyone.

(&) maybe, i'm already gone.

i'll never be the same.

it hit me like a hurricane.

i don't know why i drown my mind (in everything they say).

it got the best of me.

tell me that i'm lost inside my mind.

i reach out, but it's pulling me under.

remind me i've been searching for something i won't find.

tell me i was never worth the time.

just blame it on the person you think i left behind.

look into my eyes.

believe me that the storm is coming.

let me be sad.

i'm holding back right now.

('cause) i'm numb to what's around.

i miss the life i used to have (with you right here).

now everything is turning grey.

i'm blacking out the shades for now.

let me be sad.

let me be sad, even for a little while. just a chance to catch my breath.

let me be sad, even for a little while, 'cause it's all that i have left.

can you see it in my eyes, i've been distant?

i can't tell if it's the end or the beginning.

i know i haven't been myself, i'll admit it.

i put up walls so if i burned any bridges, just know i'm doing everything i can to try & fix it (but knowing me i'll probably miss it).

these voices get so vicious.

feels like i'm ripping stitches.

i wish some days i could go back (before life changed, it was so fast).

that time is gone, & i know that (so please, let me be sad).

when all i see are memories, i don't wanna lose a thing.

low.

i'm so damn low.

i can't lie, i'm falling (the floor gave out again).

the walls are caving in.

i've got these voices in my head.

i don't know why i'm broken.

my world is sinking in.

they tell me that i'm not enough.

is it my time?

even when i'm high, i still feel low.

voices in my head won't leave me alone.

i keep falling.

i'm in over my head again.

i'm on my own, i know it.

i think i'm too far gone to save.

i can't let go. i'm holding, i feel it slip away.

the more they say, the more they cut.

i'm hanging by a thread (don't know if i let go).

i'm doing everything i can to fix the problem.

this is how it feels when you hit rock bottom.

deadweight.

i'm cutting out the deadweight.

let me take a second to get this through to you.

it's time you get put in the rearview.

cut ties, there's nothing left to your lies, i'm seeing right through.

let me lay it out so it's clear for you to see.

i'm done with the ones that don't believe.

i'm cutting out the ones who drag me down.

all this negativity weighing down on me.

admit it's so pathetic to think i'd carry you.

i'd rather watch all the lows you sink to.

now i can see what you're really all about.

turn your back & run your mouth.

i laugh at all the time you wasted.

you're bitter, i can fucking taste it.

so if you think that you can drag me down, it's gonna come back around.

keep it up, motherfucker (i'll cut you out).

i don't belong here.

'cause i don't belong here.

those days, it was all i wanted.

nowadays, it feels all the same.

used to stare at my bedroom ceiling wishing everything would change.

now it's hard when you're always searching for the life that you left behind.

time disappears, year after year.

how the hell did i get here?

i feel so far away.

minutes turn to hours & the hours into days.

i gave up everything.

you don't know what you got until you throw it all away.

looking back on the past, all the time i wasted...

i'm running from everyone that tells me that i'm fading out.

must be mistaken 'cause i don't feel anything.

you know i got this brain, it drives me insane.

some days i feel i can't take the pain.

i can't explain it 'cause i don't need anything.

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caeslxys · 2 years

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also on the topic of meaningful consequences re: character death I don't understand the take that death in fantasy requires physical permanency to matter or give a story "stakes". death is permanent regardless. Do you really think that if they get her back, they'll just go back to normal? That these characters are not forever fundamentally changed from this, that Laudna will not be fundamentally changed from this?

That Imogen's world will be less fractured, that she won't be even more of an anxious wreck now that what she stands to lose has been put into vivid clarity? That Orym won't still carry the guilt of being the chosen, that he will be less haunted by the connections he drew to his own grief with Will to Imogen's with Laudna? That Fearne won't look at Laudna and think of that coin flip, of her choice, and what that means for her and how she loves? That FCG and Ashton won't think to this and be reminded of the people they've hurt or been hurt by, and what this effort and what this grief means for how they view the hells?

That Laudna, who has been so blasé about life and if she's alive and what being alive even means for someone like her, won't wake up surrounded by family and by love and be driven to reexamine everything she's taught herself in 28 years of isolation to cope with the trauma of Whitestone? That this, maybe, will be the driving force she needed to realize that there are things she wants to live for?

It might be that I'm just biased, but I'm not sure what stakes Laudna perma-dying adds aside from just presenting the characters with the knowledge they all already have that they can, in fact, die. that what they're up against is incomprehensibly powerful and dangerous. The stakes already feel so impossibly high when you think of what and who they are preparing to face. frankly the aftermath of this combat alone, even if everything had gone perfect and everyone had gotten back up a-okay, would have set that tone.

I don't know, regardless I'll be happy to watch whatever story they choose to tell unfold as it does, but it strikes me that so many people seem to think that death only matters if there is a physical absence.

#critical role #laudna #bells hells #I do want to specify though that this is my own interpretation of the situation from my view as a writer of the narrative #and my own interpretation of the situation as an audience member #I know death does not care for narration in real life and that dnd can be cathartic for those very reasons #that. to me. is a separate argument from what I'm trying to say here #I also have Thoughts about how. narratively. laudna coming back is the better story for Specifically bells hells and how they operate #individually and as a unit #and how I think a lot of people are blinded by the specific way molly effected the mighty nein #and I just do not think this is the same scenario At All #and also. if I may put out a more biased take. I don't necessarily Want the same impetus and the same story Again #this is bells hells! I want theirs! and they want to bring back laudna #also. like. the whole death only matters if it's permanent thing falls apart immediately bc like. it's laudna #y'know. the undead one. is her story lesser for having lived? is vox machina's?#anyway feel free to ignore this I'm just throwing thoughts out into the wind bc if I keep them in my brain I'll implode #and Twitter has a 140 character limit and I am long-winded

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joycrispy · 4 months

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I have (very minor) surgery tomorrow to repair the last (I hope) of the physical side-effects of 2022. Which means a significant source of chronic pain will be gone, and also, that's one more thing about it all that I never have to think about again.

Good riddance.

#about me #one day I might write about the full extent of how badly ptsd just Fucked Me Up #but for now --even now-- most of what I feel is relief and determination and focus. I've found peace and I'm digging my heels in.#not much time or inclination towards bitterness #this post is one last snarl for the road #I think it will be very cathartic to have something from all this LITERALLY cut out of me actually #anyway. I'm bone tired and a little sick/sore From The Thing but it's been such a good week; despite despite despite #the work continues

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mostmagical · 4 months

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"You are always deserving of love"?! I HAVE to ask about that one ❤ gimme those juicy details pls!

okay SO full disclosure, you are always deserving of love is something I started back early last year when I was recovering from a loss and I was basically just throwing my grief onto the page and seeing what stuck. it was going to be a fic where gabriel falls into a coma and adrien is dealing with a lot of grief and sadness. there was also going to be a lot more focus on his friendships with nino and plagg rather than romance. I'd probably have to rework a few things if I returned to it but I did generally like what I had! I'll put a little snippet under a read more since this answer is getting a bit rambly haha

The tightening in his throat warned him that another sob was coming, and he turned his face up into the water. Rivulets ran down his face and along his neck. How much was from the shower head and how much was from his eyes, he wasn’t sure. His sinuses ached. A pounding from his forehead to the tip of his nose, reminding him of how much his body had already expelled that day. “Hey.” Plagg’s voice. “You need to use some soap or get out. Now.” Adrien sighed, his head dropping down to stare at the drain and the rivers flowing into it. Methodically, he reached for the shampoo. He barely felt as the liquid dripped into his hands, and even as the suds ran down into his eyes, he welcomed the painful sting. Better than nothingness.

ask me about my wips! <3

#thanks for asking about that one 😭♥️#i haven't read through it in a while. it was very cathartic for me #if anyone else asks about this maybe i'll share some snippets of the ~friendship~ bits #ask game #wip #my writing #hueynomure

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compacflt · 5 months

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took my two week break from opening any top gun-related word document. Was very relaxing. now starting to edit & repost chapters, in anticipation of printing out my final copy

every year-old typo i encounter makes me want to end it all i swear to GODDDD

#found a kazanaky. struggled not to immediately k*** ******#you guys have to TELL ME this shit #i know there are hyphen issues & italics issues on AO3 that is an AO3 problem #but also sooo exhilarating to finally rewrite some very very old scenes the way they SHOULD be written #now that i know where everything’s ending up #just adding that last little 2%#it’s so fucking cathartic #rewriting some scenes from august 2022 just that little bit better #it’s like watching my informal & formal writing educations meet & exchange notes. just so cool.#taking what I’ve learned & reapplying it #fixing research fuckups on the way #will be rereleasing chapters as i finish editing them. new prologue is up #as is a new chapter one #as is now a new chapter two (which I realize is 3 on AO3)#obviously not a call to action. just letting u know

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kokehitsugi · 1 month

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a blessing in itself that there are men on this beautiful earth that are sweet and soft fleshed and respectful and funny and kind and caring and beautiful and shorter than me and and and and

#roe.txt #sprinkler noise cartoon crying #it was very cathartic to watch though i love romance films so much i love romcoms #Thank you for watching me with me cat ilu #wipes a tear from my eye #someday one day

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hella1975 · 10 months

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im so easy when it comes to immoral characters like okay do you bear your pain terribly? get behind me

#fandom is looking at a traumatised guy and going 'they deserved better'#but let me fucking TELL you if that guy goes on to let their trauma absolutely mutilate them then im gonna be there #bad victims etc etc #bear it terribly. bear it ugly and mean. bear it with your teeth stained by innocents that had nothing to do with the slaughter #let it make you worse. lash out. kick down. become the terrible thing #im defending that guy until the end of time #touya todoroki #andrew minyard #touya is the closest anyone has come to andrew in a very long time for me when it comes to this #like andrew is THEE baseline of this ive never seen anything like the way he does it #he was treated terribly and it made him terrible. shamelessly. he took the bad thing and decided to be worse for it #and while it's unsustainable in a person it's so fucking cathartic for a reader to just see that happening despite the tragedy of it #it's touya stood over his abuser and ripping his world apart with his bare hands while laughing #because he spent 10 years in hell for this moment. this single moment. and the audience and the characters call him a monster #it's andrew threatening his own cousin at knifepoint to defend a stranger's integrity simply because that is one of andrew's lines #and you do not cross them. no one ever will again. and the audience and the characters call him a monster #it's watching people who were treated awfully refuse to swallow that pain. refuse to forgive. refuse to move on #it's watching them embrace the wreckage of it and self-destruct either in one glorious explosion or gradually over years #because they are willingly choosing to live this way instead of getting over it. they are rejecting healing with their eyes open #because they were hurt so badly that healing now seems like a denial of that pain #and then u get to read fanfiction where they heal and are acknowledged for what they suffered and u cry and cry and cry <3

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dazzelmethat · 2 months

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Rin and Kohaku older with some headcannons.. This has been in my sketchfolder for a while, completed it for that one anon suggestion I got to draw some more Kohaku.

I'm working out how to use a crosshatching stamp brush.

#my art #inuyasha #rin inuyasha #kohaku inuyasha #i hate how the series that must not be named got rid of Kohaku's freckles #you know that one talk they had when Rin got kidnapped where Rin admitted to disliking humans #i imagine them when older that Rin grew into a morality that was fine with some human death while Kohaku would do everything to prevent it #in my mind Rin and Kohaku and Shippo go on adventures #my actual sequel idea is Miroku's child son gets a wind tunnel and sucks in one of the twins and the three have to go into the hole to -#to save her. and hakudoushi and kanna are there in the wind tunnel void #i think Rin should have a corruption arc.. that she should turn into a half youkai via the way Naraku did lol #I think sess would grow if he saw a kid he wanted to protect hurt from some emotional damage that he didn't have the skills to help..#emotional damage creating physical monstrosities is so very inuyasha.. i love it's bleakness it's cathartic to me haha #in my mind Rin is also in charge of an orphanage of war orphans

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ecoamerica · 1 month

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youtube

Watch the 2024 American Climate Leadership Awards for High School Students now: https://youtu.be/5C-bb9PoRLc

The recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by student climate leaders! Join Aishah-Nyeta Brown & Jerome Foster II and be inspired by student climate leaders as we recognize the High School Student finalists. Watch now to find out which student received the $25,000 grand prize and top recognition!

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candyunicornsateme · 2 years

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Cartman is the one that’d go “hey guys” and casually open a Monster energy drink at like 9 in the fucking morning and Kyle says nothing but is judging him so fucking hard, like complete disgust and disdain on his face hasldifhlkskd

#south park #cartman #kyle broflovski #I was reminded that there was a guy that did that in one #of my classes... i was like dude wtf #even smelling it that early in the day made me cringe #I think Kyle being incredibly indignant and on defense all the time #is what makes any sorta relief or comfort for him very very cathartic :')#like shh kyle relax lets get milkshakes #stop letting dumb shit get under your skin #rimble ramble #my headcanons #I guess... I feel like I don't talk about Kyle enough lmfao #ifi theres smth I dont tlk much about u can ask 👉👈

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lunarharp · 9 months

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good omens scribbles👼👼

thunder only happens when it's raining, heaven only loves you when they're playing...🎵

#good omens tag #go2 spoilers #when they put dreams by fleetwood mac on the official crowley playlist released like a week before i was like. How is that song relevant #It was relevant....i always felt Cringe about treasuring this show because it really did feel like queerbait to me & i dont trust that guy #but i loved s2 LOTS and sweet gay angel trauma angst is VERY cathartic for me rn in my war against depression so ^_^#real men are hard to draw. obvs the last one is set in the future after the apocalyptic otherworldy showdowns & reconciliatory encounters

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hungriesttable · 10 months

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you know it’s peak when the MCs have an emotionally intimate and tangled and toxic relationship that transcends yaoi

#trigun #trigun maximum #berserk #omniscient reader’s viewpoint #no home #no home manhwa #ok let me explain #when they have this connection that ties them together despite everything. soulmate feels like not quite the right word but similar idea #they just choose each other. often very evilly (being very liberal in my use of the word evil)#also double. double the manga #there is no one big cathartic moment that resolves their relationship. they just keep struggling on #I like stories where things are cut and dry as the saying goes but this type of thing really keeps me coming back #I’m chasing the carrot on the end of the stick here

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masonscig · 4 months

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why did book 3 obliterate ms characterisation?

i promise this isn't me copping out but i haven't played book 3 since it dropped in april '23, so i couldn't give you a 100% accurate answer even if i tried

i spent multiple days analyzing issues with characterization when it dropped and then my life started falling apart – if i could remember + repeat what i remember from those conversations i would

what i will say of what i remember, is that a lot of my issues stem from being led to believe that the romance would develop a certain way and it going in a completely different direction – obviously, i know and respect an author's vision, but the dip in quality from the demo to the actual finished product made me step back and view b3 differently. instead of a fully realized story that i could see building on itself and leading to something much bigger, it was painfully obvious that this is a game with stats that had to satisfy requirements.

i only played one full route (m's of course) and after a while the scene/mood changes were so disjointed it took me out of it – lighthearted to heavy with no time to unpack or discuss, i.e. big relationship moments sandwiched between research/combat scenes and conversations with random side characters.

ultimately, just felt like a checklist of scenes being ticked off as the story progressed rather than a natural buildup with a solid plot progression like b1 and b2 imo.

i know i haven't gotten to specific instances of m's characterization being obliterated, which i said as an exaggeration, bc m is still m at timesin b3, but other times is an actual stranger in text – i don't think i can give you specific examples, but i can at the very least say that the above issues were what led to the issues of m feeling ooc.

#also the flippancy of the human tr*fficking plotline. and m's joke about it. absolutely disgusting btw!#i started a b3 rewrite and had a fully fleshed out story that would be about 20+ chapters but...#i wrote a couple thousand words and then decided it wasn't worth it (also my life started falling apart so)#and it kind of is still rn! i don't wanna trauma dump on this post but i also don't want to sound like i don't care #i'm dealing with an unexpected loss of a local friend so being 'accurate' in this ask really isn't a priority to me rn #i still love m VERY deeply like they're one of my comfort characters but... i'm just going to have to explore what could've been on my own #speaking of that! i started writing a very cathartic mason x sofía fic that goes into some oc/rook lore #it's also me unpacking my own feelings bc of course i put a piece of myself in my writing KMSDMKFDM typical!#asks

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