#but it is because im so stressed all the time my body just doesnt respond anymore | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

actualbird · 3 years

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Hello!! I'd just like to say I love your blog, thank you for existing, it has brought me so much joy you have no idea!! 💕 Your comedy posts about the NXX team are some of my favourite things to exist on the internet, just aaaahhhh I love seeing them just exisiting and being cracky idiots together!! The best kind of shenanigans are team shenanigans <3 Thank you for bringing so much laughter into my life!!

Whille on the topic of team shenanigans though, I've always wondered where the NXX team members would fall on the scale between "i have a 10 step skincare routine that I follow religiously" to "facial soap?? Why do I need special soap for my face??"

I initally pegged Luke as type number 2, but Luke has spent a good chunk of his life living with MC, and she seems like the type that would insist on him actually using proper products because omg Luke that soap is meant for your body it's not the same you can't use that for everything!! So now he just keeps using the routine she recommended when they were younger because it just lowkey reminds him of her 🥺 I'm curious where the rest of the NXX boys would fall on this scale though!! You totally don't have to respond to this, I just thought it was an interesting idea! Bye for now!! 💕

awww, this ask is so sweet! thank you for your kind words, anon, im happy to make other people in this fandom happy :DDD now onto your ask bc THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER.

i dont take care of my skin at all but in the past ive chatted with a bunch of medical doctors/dermatologists (n if u take anything from this post, let it be this: all u need is wash face w/ water and sunscreen everyday even if ur indoors. thats it) so like. IT IS TIME FOR ME TO RAMBLE FOR A KILOMETRIC AMOUNT OF WORDS ABOUT SKINS OF THEMIS!!!!

nxx boys' skin......care routines

wc: 1.6k words about skin

vyn richter: supple and enraging, his skin is great and im suing him for it

vyn is fancy, vyn is prissy, vyn knows how to make MACARONS, so like obviously his skincare routine is high end as all fuckin hells. but like?? he doesnt even NEED IT TO BE!!! because his skin is naturally amazing

see, i may not know about vyn's diet (i assume it's delicious and balanced) or vyn's general physical health (he seems like a general physician's dream come true) but i do know one thing vyn richter gets a lot of: SLEEP.

sleep is like the best thing u can do for ur skin, passively. lets ur skin repair damage and thus reduces wrinkles or age spots. as marius loves to remind us every single second, vyn wakes up at 9am. prev canon content tells us that vyn sleeps at around 11pm, giving vyn's skin (skin richter...) 10 wholeass hours to take care of itself. recommended sleep hours for a person of his age is 7-9 hours. vyn adds on another hour. for the INDULGENCE OF IT ALL.

but yes, his skincare routine is the following in this order: gentle facial cleanser, toner, moisturizing lotion, sunscreen. pretty simple tbh, still on the scale of "chill" skincare routine but definitely near the line of "10 steps i will follow to my grave." important to note tho that all the products he uses are stupid fancy.

i think maybe sometimes, like after a busy or stressful day, he'll do a face mask. still fancy, but he doesnt rlly go after the ones that do too much, he likes the aromatic ones. fragrant face mask on, his antique gramophone crooning Rainy Days and Mondays by The Carpenters, and vyn is living the life.

luke pearce: skin thankfully was saved by mc, but before that it was TERRIBLE

i ONE HUNDO PERCENT agree with ur headcanon!!! it's SO SWEET HHHHH. i can imagine that once mc's skincare routine is drilled into his mind and heart (and she rlly made sure he remembered it!!! it's quite basic, not truly bare minimum, but on the chill scale of daily skincare: a gentle facial cleanser, moisturizer, and sunscreen. "that's it!!! that's all, luke!!! LUKE, STOP DODGING ME, IM JUST PUTTING ON THE DAMN SUNSCREEN!!!" these two together in the bathroom during their teen years was frigging world war 3) he really sticks to it!! and he uses the exact same products mc had used before EXACTLY for the emo reason u brought up.

luke pearce during his 8 year disappearance be like: shes watching over my......skin.....

aaron: when you say it like that, it's INCREDIBLY CREEPY

luke: SHUT UP, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!!!!

and thats luke's skincare routine for basically the rest of his life. so since thats all been set up, i do wanna talk about Before The Salvation Of Luke's Skin---

---because LMAOOOO YEAAAA. bros, he was using not just normal body soap for his face. that was him on a good day. canon suggests that luke was a messy person, in his childhood. his room a mess yet he finds what he needs. that kind of philosophy is something i see bleeding into a lot of what he does. aka hes like "i mean my face doesnt get dirty, and it's still doing what a face is sposed to do, so i just wash it with just water in the shower."

mc, horrified: not even. soap?

luke: why would i need soap?

mc: "WHY WOULD YOU NEED SOAP"??????????

(im projecting on luke here lol. listen, just water is fine. ur not gonna win any awards with it but it's fine. and like, luke pearce sure as hell doesnt need more to help for him look GODDAMN BEAUTIFUL!!!!)

marius von hagen: skin so good it's infuriating, we have to steal it, IT'S TOO GOOD FOR HIM

now this is a mf knows skincare stuff from front to back. PAX has cosmetics branches but thats not why he knows imo, he knows because hes a fruity guy. and a vain one, sometimes. the point here is that he's KNOWLEDGEABLE. you cant scam this dude with subpar or overhyped skincare products. snail cream face mask? yeah ofc he knows about that [marius_von_scoffing.mp3] but youre saying this snail cream mask is the be-all-end-all of skincare? oh he KNOWSSSS UR WRONG, BUDDY!!!!!

that being said, since hes quite knowledgable he also knows skin differs from person to person. he did his research to figure out his skin type and what routine fits it best and makes him look sexy pretty hottest.

marius' skincare routine changes sometimes (theres one he does daily and one he does every 2 or 3 weeks, gotta exfoliate, duhhhh)

but his daily one is the following (after a shower): micellar water, toner, moisturizing lotion, sunscreen.

honestly, marius' biggest trouble is eyebags. he sleeps much too little and i am always gonna be stressed about that. hes stressed about it too bc he cant LOOK like hes having a hard time bc thatd mean ppl would be sincerely worried about him and marius is allergic to positive sincerity. hes got some products to protect against noticeable eyebags but hes not above using some concealer if it's a Bad Fuckin Week

additionally, marius often wears makeup for fun (gender feels) or for profit (business gatherings where theres a bunch of bright lights) so he always makes sure to prep his face for makeup and clean it all off after. regular makeup without the correct protection and aftercare is a death sentence for ur skin...

artem wing: it aint much but it's honest (skin) work (but forreal, artie, do a face mask sometime...)

artem is a guy who strikes me as a "does what has to be done" type of person with an added dash of "me? indulging? is that not what will send me to hell?" artem's idea of indulging is buying high quality whetstone to sharpen his kitchen knives with. he orders it online in advanced for his birthday and is pleased when the deliveryperson drops off the LITERAL BLOCK at artem's apartment. brick brick brick, it's fun! (whatever floats ur boat, artem)

anyway, he doesnt do anything about skincare until hes 20 years old or something in law school and good ol' mentor neil hume is like "artem, if you keep frowning and furrowing your brows like that, you're going to get wrinkles at 25" and artem is like "i dont care about...wrinkles" and neil is like jsdbfsdjkgjsd of course. but the conversation Does make artem curious enough to research about wrinkles, then about face skin, then about skincare and then hes like. IM DOING FACE SKIN THINGS ALL WRONG (I.E. I HAVE NOT BEEN DOING ANYTHING)

after that, artem does the following daily skincare routine: gentle facial cleanser particularly for dry skin (artem realizes his skin is dry, and that uh. HES DRY IN GENERAL. like have u seen how much coffee this dude drinks??? drink some water, sir??? hes toeing the line of dehydration, i know it, and his body is having trouble creating most liquids. dry skin. dry skin for artem wing), soft cream, sunscreen.

he does not enjoy...Strong Fragrances. or Intense Face Sensations. or just anything that feels like his face is going through something chemical, in the bad way. gentle products all the way, artem wing must be placed in a swaddles of softness ONLY...

bonus: nxx investigation team skincare bonding

marius and luke are the ones most open and game and HAPPY to have chill face mask friday night funtime with mc. granted, luke is gonna be like "THIS FEELS WEIRD AND COLD AND SLIMY" once mc slaps the mask onto his face. but he gets used to it pretty quickly. esp after marius teases him like "super spy can handle everything but aloe vera, huh?" and then after that marius has to dodge luke's tackle attack. friday night funtime with the boyz!!!

vyn and artem are invited to friday night funtime but theyre both hesitant. vyn because hes like "i dont look handsome when theres a face mask on my face" and artem because hes like "what if i get a bad grade at having fun on a friday night with friends. this is something both normal to fear and possible to achieve"

but i think mc has some great puppy eyes (she grew up with luke, of course she'd have great puppy eyes, im sure he TAUGHT HER) and so vyn and artem eventually get over themselves bc theyre both whipped as hell

once that happens, it's a lovely bonding disaster. marius is trying to ramble BETTER about the science of skincare vs. luke who did research because goddamnit, he's not going to let marius win so easily. artem prepared a relaxing spotify playlist and vyn takes potshots at him when a spotify ad plays and hes like "dont have premium? shame." and artem holds back on pelting the phone at vyn's clear skinned face. mc is just happy all her friends are here being dumb and having fun

all in all the nxx skinvestigation team is doing GREAT in terms of face skin. im sure random stellis citizens look at them walking around like "...he doesnt deserve his skin...i....deserve his skin..."

#tears of themis #vyn richter #luke pearce #marius von hagen #artem wing

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og-danny-dorito · 3 years

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[𝐒𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐭 𝐍𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐢 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬]

hi i dont see enough content for him so here we are. little tw for sexual content because my mind tends to wander but other than that we’re cool. if you have any requests, let me know!

⚠️𝐓𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐫 𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠⚠️ : Sexual Content

- OKAY so im convinced that this man has a thing for plus sized women (or just partners in general) and i cant really pinpoint why??

- like its not even a fetish thing he just,, loves the squish so much like there is no way that his hands won’t wander to your belly fat if the two of you are cuddling okay he will not be able to keep his hands to himself

- it’s also a stress reliever to be able to just idly touch and squeeze and kiss your body at random so he might do that after a long day out of habit

- DEFINITELY the sugar daddy type. he barely spends any of the money he earns anyway so why not just spend it on you??

- buys you literally anything you want no matter how big or small PLUS SOME. the clothes he gets you are always revealing too okay he wants to show you off

- but god forbid anyone else stares at you the way he does. his possessiveness isn’t like concerning or anything but he definitely makes it clear that you’re not for anyone else but him

- doesn’t get jealous tho, he trusts you and knows you’d never do something like that to him

- however, if you hypothetically teased him a little bit by pretending to reciprocate the flirting... yeah it’s over for your ass

- you will not be able to walk for a good week and a half and the marks you have coming out of it are enough to remind you of who you belong to ;)

- overall though he’s pretty gentle and lazy during sex cause he’s like,,, tired most of the time SKDKKF

- like he puts in effort but he’s either being really slow and teasing about it or just letting you ride him

- on that note: favorite position is cowgirl/reversed cowgirl cause he likes watching everything jiggle

- like bro there’s a REASON he likes plus sized partners and it’s not just for the squish. he likes the way your body bounces when you ride him and how you have to jump to get into jeans and how your thighs spill over thigh highs and- you get the idea

- on top of that he also loves someone who’s a foodie like he is (whether you’re plus sized or not)

- nanami cooks a lot since he has a fascination with food, and you bet your ass you’re going to be his taste tester

- all of it is great so there’s really no need to test it? but he likes having your stamp of approval before sitting down to have dinner with you

- oh also remember what i said about spoiling you?? he definitely brings you out to REALLY fancy restaurants then asks your review of them

- he really values your opinion and is interested in what you have to say so telling him what you're thinking about is like crack to him. and it doesn’t even have to be about food man like tell him ANYTHING

- do it ESPECIALLY when he’s at work. like i know you’d think he wouldn’t want to be distracted but the last fuckin thing he wants to be is away from you so it helps to have you tell him about things throughout the day even though he might not always respond to them

- like he likes to see little texts from you every time he looks at his phone because it makes him feel one step closer to being home: you in his lap on the couch and your fingers entertained in his hair. just the thought of it gets him through the day

- however calling isn’t a good idea though since he unfortunately needs to get shit done, but if you don’t text at least twice in a day he gets worried and calls during his lunch break

- on that note: although it may not look like it he’s actually fuckin pretty clingy

- like in public he’s a little bit more reserved about it since he doesnt like drawing attention to himself unless it’s to show you off ofc but behind closed doors?? oh my god

- his hands are EVERYWHERE

- his favorite thing to do is to have one hand holding a book and the other on your hip as you sit in his lap, reading with him and stealing kisses every once and a while

- like this man LIVES for the domestic feel of just being alone in your house together that you’re surprised he’s not hellbent on getting married and having kids already

- he is, but he hasnt said anything about it since he doesnt want to scare you skdjfdnjk

- but he’ll save the marriage discussions for later; right now he’s perfectly happy as is and will remain so as long as you choose to stay by his side

𝐄𝐱𝐭𝐫𝐚: His favorite body part is probably your chest cause he likes to rest his head there after a long day and listen to the way your voice reverberates there when you speak.

[-𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐤 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠! 𝐑𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐬 𝐀𝐫𝐞 𝐆𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐀𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝.-]

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sningo-prompts · 2 years

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Since there isnt much room for Sneasel Ingo to get his “physical therapy” Emmet has started taking him out to places it would be safe for Ingo to get his body back on track.

I put it in quotes because its nothing too serious just mostly walking and mostly stretches. When i busted my elbow i had tons of stretches they wanted me to do so i figure they would want the same for Ingo since he was stuck on bed rest for a couple of days plus his injuries.

This could lead two ways. I will put both down here if my cat stops stepping on my face blocking me from my phone.

First it leads to Emmet and Ingo getting regular nightly or early morning walks. They try to pick a time without so many people out and about. Idk the area they are from very well but in this au a forrest has been mentioned quite a lot so im gonna say they go there. Its some good bonding time for them. Also very relaxing for Emmet who in the end got the most “healing” from it out of the two. Emmet mostly rants to Ingo about his life with Ingo missing. These rants really help Emmet believe this is actually Ingo. Seeing how the sneasel responds. The way they are reacting isnt quote pokemon like and truely does remind him of his brother. These walks also help Emmet actually see how traumatised Ingo is at this point. The whole time Ingo is clearly on edge. Tense at any noise. It hurts Emmet to see but it really drives home his resolve to help his brother. He does anything to make these walks more enjoyable for Ingo. Even after Ingos fully recovered they keep the walks.

Second idea is that these trips out are how the poacher’s find Ingo again. They get spotted and maybe a fight breaks out and for a short while Ingo gets separated from Emmet. Oooo i have it now here old my beer lord let me be strong my arm is falling asleep

So the poachers figured out Emmet is taking Ingo out at night and get their schedule. They have to strick fast before the Sneasel is fully healed so maybe their 3rd night out they get attacked. Emmet is battling to protect Ingo but theres like 5 poachers. Seeing a lost cause Emmet quickly makes a distraction and books it with Ingo in his arms. They hear yelling. Its getting closer but Emmet doesnt stop running. Maybe he stashes Ingo in a tree. Telling him to wait for him to come back and to stay hidden. Which Ingo doesnt want to leave his brother but he also really doesnt want another trip with poachers. Hiding in a hollow of a tree he is having a lil panic while Emmet leads them away. He cant see anything without risking being seen himself. So he just sits there. In this much to small hollow. In the dark. Listening, waiting for one of them to find him and take him away again. Hes so afraid whos going to find him he starts trying to shut the outside world out. When Emmet comes back after besting the poschers ( the fight is a lot easier when he doesnt have the stress of his brither being taken) he doesnt like what he sees. An unresponsive and trembling Ingo. Curled in on himself with his paws covering his ears. He doesnt respond at all to Emmets soft whisper calling his name. He doesnt move till Emmet actually touches him. He strikes out completely and utterly terrified. Luckly he just scratched Emmets glove and not actually his hand. The whole walk back home is in silence. Ingo curled up in Emmets arms trembling and Emmet on edge listening for anyone else.

#sneasel ingo #transfer error au #sneasel ingo au #ok i havent slepted in two days and i have work tomorrow so i better get off here #i gotta get up warly to do laundry anyway. like six hours at lesst from now

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b00bconnoisseur · 3 years

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Under the cut im just ranting abt my mom so you dont needa read or anything 🤷🏽

I am just so fed up w my mom and am so goddamn close to telling her bitch ass motherfuckin self off for how shit she is to everyone especially my lil sister who takes the absolute most shit from my mom cause shes so far gone wrapped into her mindgames that we can see that she doesnt. We see and know that shes a narcissistic abusive (emotionally, mentally, and even has been physically) gaslighting manipulative homophobic racist and annoying bitch ass motherfucker who calls herself a mother but aint shit. Shes so shitty so thats why she aint got any frens, over half her kids hate her, her husband dont like her, family members dont like her, her DAD dont even want her in his house and only lets us live there because his grandchildren (us) and has said multiple times that if it wasnt for us he wouldnt let her stay w him at all point blank, alotta strangers dont like her, even all the librarians i knew at the library didnt like her and she knows it, she also gets karma n wonders why she gets so much bad luck, etc. She aint got anyone and thats cause shes a cunt. Once we all leave her she'll have no one and will be alone and miserable and i cant wait to hear abt her breaking.

I just so bad want to just yell at her abt how shitty and manipulative and abusive she is and how bad of a mother she is and how i so bad want to leave her, like legit leave to across the country cause i wouldnt live in the same state as hee cause ik how crazy she is and she'd try n find me, and wanna cut her outta my life completely point blank

Like how does she expect me or anyone else to like her when she just uses people and gets mad when ppl dont do what she wants n doesnt get her way, yells n screams her lungs out abt EVERYTHING, etc. She feels so entitled and that shes such a victim at all times that literally when i finally CAME OUT AND ALSO SAID I HAD A GIRLFRIEND she had a full argument with me the next morning and when i was loudly balling my goddamn eyes out IN FRONT OF HER from how mean n shit she was being to me she was like "why are YOU crying?" and played victim and said i was being rude n not considerate of how she would feel abt me telling her i was gay and said she would've just wished i waited another like 6 months till i was 18 to say anything. And she still continues to be homophobic

Anyway not the point but LIKE. Shes so trash n i cant stand her omfg

And she has serious shit wrong w her and bothers everyone w her mental shit. Like its not even "hey can i talk to you about this?" Like she constantly every second of the day talks about herself. She tells every single thought that goes thru her brain at every second ABOUT THE DUMBEST SHIT LIKE "i had a thought about what if i got possessed or you got possessed or i switched bodies with this person in the tv or you or you did or anyone or any" to my SIBLINGS and if they arent listening or dont respond or are like "um" she gets so angry and plays victim. She acts lik a full blown child i cant stress this enough. Shes so annoying and im just. And like she literally annoys everyone and makes everyone uncomfortable and irritated with how much she just keeps talking abt every fucking tiny dumb thought she has and i literally starting crying cause i couldnt take it anymore. Like she was and is heavily affecting my mental health n i told her that and she was just like "um you hurt my feelings, youre so mean" and shes SO MUCH WORSE NOW. I literally cant take it. If she was someone else id block them or cut them out of my life for how toxic and shit she is. Theres a difference between talking abt your mental shit and then forcing everything youre feeling onto everyone and getting mad when theyre tired of hearing it. Like i definitely have mental issues of my own but i dont go to my gf or frens every second and tell all my shit cause who tf does that and also theyre gonna be annoyed to hell w me and be like "bitch please stop we're tired"

Anyway i hate my mom

#vent tw #my vents #rant tw #rants #my rants #abuse tw #abuse mention #abuse

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wolferals · 4 years

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🌍parallel universes**🌍

arón piper imagine

!SEXUAL CONTENT!SMUT!

„Hey you." you greeted Arón the second you walked in the door and saw the handsome actor sitting on his bed busy with his phone. He looked up for a quick second and nodded at you. Apparently he was VERY busy.

You went straight to his kitchen after putting down your bag in his room to just grab a quick snack after class.

His kitchen was always super messy so you spend some good five minutes cleaning before you actually went on to make yourself a sandwich.

But as you looked into his fridge you figured, simple toast with jam would have to do. How did this guy not starve?

Then you grabbed your sandwich and walked back to his room where you sat yourself down next to him just to see what he had been up to. While eating your sandwich you were watching him scroll through twitter. All the posts were in Spanish so you didn't quite know what was going on but Arón seemed pretty stressed out about something.

„You okay?" you carefully asked and scanned his side profile. He didnt look at you, he just kept scrolling. You noticed his uneasiness. His left hand had grabbed the sheets rather roughly, you could see the veins on his hand popping out.

„Arón?" you asked again but didnt get a response at all.

You kept on watching him internally freak out for a couple of minutes until you were done and grabbed his phone and slammed it next to you on the mattress.

„Whats wrong?" You sounded pissed off but you were actually just concerned.

Arón leaned his head back against the wall before finally looking at you for the first time this afternoon. „I fucked up." he simply said and ran his hand through his curls.

You looked at him in confusion and then responded:"What happened? What did you do?"

He gave you a sad look. After, he took a deep breath and turned around to face you completely.

„When I was dating Juliana (sorry if thats your name), you remember? I sent her this one picture. Only one! And she leaked it and im fucked. Everyone saw it."

You could see the tears forming in his brown eyes.

„Okay." you spoke and grabbed his hand. „Dont worry! Its gonna be fine. Its just a damn picture. What exactly was on it? Your face too?"

He shook his head. „But my tattoos."

You breathed in heavily before continuing:"Its okay, Arón, really. Its just a picture. Doesnt say anything about you. They know you're not sending shit like that to random people."

He laughed a fake laugh and said:"Y/n its a fucking nude. Its my chest and my fucking dick. Do you think they're gonna forget about it? No."

You just looked at him for a while because you werent sure what to say.

„You have to ignore it. They will stop talking about it tomorrow because something else will be more interesting, thats how twitter works. Just calm down please."

He nodded slowly and took another deep breath.

„Just please dont go on Twitter and ignore anything related to that. I dont want you to see that."

You nodded understanding and pressed his hand a little tighter. „Its gonna be alright." you spoke quietly and pulled him in a tight hug. He seemed to appreciate it since he pulled you really close to his chest and placed his flat hand on the back of your head.

„You're a good girl." he whispered and dug his head in the crook of your neck. To be honest, not the smartest choice of words since all you were thinking of now was this picture.

But the way he said it sounded so innocent, he wouldn't have meant it to be dirty.

„You wanna watch a movie?" you suggested as you let go of him. „Hm. Im not really in the mood. Can we listen to some music por favor?" he pouted and looked at you with big eyes.

„Of course." you replied and lied down on your back.

He did the same and put his arm around you so he'd be more comfortable.

„You okay?" you asked once again after he was just staring at the ceiling for a moment.

Arón simply nodded, his eyes not leaving the wooden ceiling. It felt good to be with him. Alone for the first time in a while, it was always someone around, you never got to talk to him, only him.

You then decided to put on some comforting music to maybe calm him down a bit since he was so drained.

Over the course of the first 3 songs you guys were just laying there, no one said a word. Until Arón suddenly spoke up.

„Do you ever think about if theres another world somewhere where all the people we know, and us are different people? Maybe we're friends in this other universe, or we dont know we exist at all."

You turned your head in confusion to his sudden philosophy.

He turned his head as well and you both ended up looking deep into the others eyes.

„Maybe... maybe we're older in the other world. Maybe we're even a couple or married. Maybe we have kids together, got divorced after 10 years and now we only see each other because of the kids. And maybe you've had another guy after the divorce who's treated you better than me. Because I'm sure I'd be the reason for our divorce."

On the one hand you were touched by his cute words but on the other hand it made you laugh how deep he suddenly got, talking about the both of you being an old divorced couple.

„You're crazy." you grinned and looked back at the ceiling.

Slowly you closed your eyes and fully concentrated on the music.

It was silent for a bit until you heard his voice again.

„Maybe i messed up in the other universe, maybe the other Arón ended up alone because he missed his shot, maybe he didnt use the chance to kiss the other y/n when the perfect moment had come. You'd be happy with another man and I would regret not kissing you all my life."

You opened your eyes. Just to see his face inches away from yours.

None of you said a word.

You kept staring into his deep brown eyes while they got closer and closer. He carefully leaned in and you were more than ready to feel his kiss.

„May I?" he whispered against your lips.

With a little nod you accepted and a moment later you felt his plump lips softly pressing against yours.

You expected his kisses to be rougher but you loved the way he kissed you that moment.

The kiss didnt last long, he pulled away and leaned his forehead against yours.

„You're all Ive ever wanted y/n. And im sorry, if you dont feel the same way thats okay. I just didnt want to regret not doing it." he explained in a soft tone before looking at you again.

You didnt know what to think that second but all you knew was that your body craved him. Your soul was screaming for his touch.

So you did what you had to do.

You pulled him down on the back of his neck to kiss him a little harder this time. He seemed surprised but kissed back immediately. He made you feel alive again, after your last sad relationship you didnt want to be in love again. But this boy made you fly.

After making out for a bit, you wanted more. You tugged on his shirt, telling him to take it off. He pulled away quickly and looked at you. „Are you sure you want to do this?"

You just nodded, your body shaking from the inside. You wanted him to love you the way no one ever did before.

Arón skillfully tore off his shirt and threw somewhere in the room. He then carefully took of yours, looking down at you in awe. „Bonita." he whispered and started planting soft tender kisses on your collar bones, neck and your boobs.

„Joder." he cursed as he kept kissing down your exposed stomach.

You started moaning quietly when he reached the hem of your pants. „Can I?" he asked again.

It killed you how sweet he was. You always thought he'd be the kind of guy to rip your clothes off in a second and fuck you rough but he wasnt acting like that at all.

Slowly he slid your jeans down your legs and threw them on the floor. Afterwards he climbed back on top of you to kiss you softly again. You could feel the passion in the kiss.

„Are you ready?“ he whispered while grabbing a condom from his nightstand. Quickly you pulled down your panties and sat up so he could take off your bra for you.

„You‘re so beautiful.“ arón murmured and grabbed your boobs carefully just to place a kiss on your lips again.

„Lie down bebe.“

You did as he said and lied down on your back. You looked up at him with lustfilled eyes. He looked so beautiful kneeling inbetween your legs, in just his boxers. His abs were glistening in the light and his curls were falling perfectly on his forehead.

You just waited for him to start you didnt notice that he took off his underwear meanwhile.

„Ready?“ he asked again and looked down at your exposed body while he was holding his surprisingly big dick in his right hand.

You nodded and couldnt stop staring at his cock that was already leaking precum into the condom.

„Alright babe.“

You were so horny by now you couldnt wait to feel him inside of you.

Slowly and very carefully he pushed his length in your pussy. You hadnt had sex in a long time so it did hurt a little bit. But nothing you couldnt handle.

He was staring into your eyes while his dick drove further into you inch by inch.

„estás bien?“ he whispered and held onto your waist.

With a simple nod you agreed.

„Can I move, does it hurt?“

You sat up a little bit. „Yeah you can move. Its okay.“

He lied fully on top of you just to see you closer.

„If it hurts tell me.“

You nodded yet again.

And then he pulled out an inch just to push his dick back inside of your walls. And it felt so damn good.

He continued in a slow pace and you softly moaned out. But eventually you needed more and told him.

„More.“

He grinned and started fucking you faster. Your eyes rolled back into your skull and you moaned our.

„Yes please.“ Arón grabbed your left hand just to place it next to your hand, intertwining your fingers.

„You‘re perfect.“ he groaned while his thick cock was pistoning in and out of you.

With a moan you replied to his statement.

„Baby you feel so good.“ he moaned out loudly. Very loud to be specific. His deep raspy voice threw you over the edge. Your back arched, your eyes rolled back and a loud high pitched moan left your mouth.

„Cum for me baby.“ he encouraged your orgasm and placed kisses on your neck as it hit you like a wave.

He really did make you feel like you were in heaven.

„Im close too honey. Ride me please.“ he suddenly begged after you had calmed down from your orgasm.

You just nodded and watched him pull out and you both switches positions. Carefully you sat on his dick and leaned forwards to hold onto him.

„Hmm fuck so pretty.“ he moaned and bit his lip when you slowly started bouncing up and down his thick shaft.

This angle made it possible for him to go even deeper.

„Bebesita. Faster por favor.“ he groaned and threw his head back. You tried to fuck his dick as fast as you could, just making yourself moan out loud.

Arón had grabbed onto your waist with one hand, and bit his other hand to stop himself from screaming out loud.

You could hear his muffled moans which only encouraged you to go even faster.

„Baby fuck im gonna...“ he tried to speak but his high was faster and his hips started to twitch and his mouth fell open.

A long deep scream left his mouth the second his orgasm hit him. You could feel his hot cum fill up the condom inside of you and it satisfied you to the max.

His body sank down into the mattress again and all you could hear was his hard breathing and your own heartbeat.

Without saying a word, you got off of him and lied down with your head on his chest and his arm around you.

He breathed out loudly and turned his head to face you.

„Joder.“ he laughed still out of breath. You smiled at him and replied:“I know.“

He pulled your sweating bodies closer together before pressing a soft kiss to your forehead.

„Thank you.“ you smiled at him.

„What for?“ he looked at you in confusion.

„For kissing me.“

He laughed, grabbed your face and kissed your lips once again.

#elite #cute #preference #aronpiper #omander #aronxreader #ander #preferences #imagines #smut

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butterbeeryuta · 4 years

Text

donghyuck as your boyfriend

oh my mcfucking god im sorry but lmAO you better have some patience in you

because i'm a sucker for college aus, we're going to base this headcanon on that cause i said so

it's your second year in college studying history cause it's the best subject in the world (yes i am biased what about it) and you were at the library taking those aesthetic af notes on 17-18th century russia. your highlighters were everywhere, your looseleaf papers were scattered, but you just wanted to get the whole peter the great (co-tsar of russia from 1682, and became THE tsar of russia by 1696) stuff done so you could go home and snack on chips and watch the good place

'holy shit you're doing a lot wow'

who tf??

you looked up, only to see lee donghyuck aka haechan the loud and mischevious and pretty guy of the campus, surprised at your condensed notes and arguably intense method of studying

'uhH, yeah. i guess i am?'

and donghyuck, being the nosy ass sunshine he is, decides to sit with you and just watch you do your shit in pure astonishment cause lmao tf are notes

'so you're the student professor x talks about,,, no wonder why. y/n right?'

uhhHhhhH

UHHHHHH

'yes, and you're lee donghyuck?'

'glad to know my work and effort is recognised by the school body' and you have no idea how to respond to that so you just keep writing cause,,,, that's what you were going to do anyway

thing is, donghyuck knows you. he's seen you a lot in creative writing, always with the best supplies and neatly taking down notes. he's not even like that himself, but he finds it so attractive esp coming from you. he doesnt think it's a kink, and he prays to whatever gods out there that it isn't a kink— but studious you does shit to his heart

i don't think i mentioned this, but you're study partners with jeno and renjun who also takes european history and anthropology which hyuck is unaware of, but you also didn't know that you're study group lives with donghyuck and lives a fucking chaotic life.

kneeways, donghyuck was just watching you take notes, and after about 15 minutes when you realised he wasn't moving, you stopped writing and looked up at him again.

'is there anything i could help you with? you've been watching me take notes for —'

'do you want to go on a date with me?'

'ok why you cutting me of— wait what now?'

what??? just??? happened???

haechan, my dear, you two JUST MET

'we literally just met 30 minutes ago' you said, looking at him with the most confused expression

'well yeah, but if we date, we can get to know each other better'

well, you still said no

'well then, i guess i'm going to keep coming back to this library until you say yes' and lee forking donghyuck leaves like that.

you didn't believe him. what idiot would go back to you just for a yes on a date

yeah the idiot's haechan

you were once having a study session with renjun and jeno, and haechan just so happens to see the three of you having an intense discussion on who was a better leader of russia: peter the great or catherine the great

injunnie immediately notices his friend and said, 'who tf allowed you in a library??'

then this is where you interrupted: 'oh? ya'll know each other?'

haechan is confused.

you're confused.

evergone is confused.

jeno then explains how he and renjun, along with jaemin and chenle amd jisung are dorm mates with haechan; whereas you explained to haechan that the 2 boys were your study buddies, amd you told the boys how haechan was the 'library creep that keeps asking me out'

'SO YOURE THE LIBRARY CREEP?' - huang renjun, 2k19

'WAIT SO Y/N IS THE HOT ACADEMIC?? really hyuck???' lee jeno, 2k19

'god you call me the library creep? that hurts my bronchioles' haechan says

idk it felt right to say that

kneeways, now that ya'll apparently have common friends, ya'll hang out more aside from studyinh like: having lunch, playing bowling, karaoke, dinner, amd etc. it was nice overall.

maybe like 6-7 months later, haechan still visits you in the library and sits close to you while you were concentrated on whatever tf you were doing. he doesnt really ask you out much as before, but his feelings did grow for you.

there was one time where you all watched the live action of aladdin and you started singing along to the songs— and haechan found that adorable.

and there was another time where you got into a heated historical debate with renjun and even if haechan understood nothing, he was just amazed at you (even if you were very close to biting renjun's head off)

jaemin realises how whipped donghyuck is getting for you, and he's also amused at this point

NOW, exams were coming up and that means,,, YOURE MAKING STUDY PACKS YEYYYYY

so here you are, at the library, writing a lot hoping whatever is on paper would go in your brain

and you did it for hours

and hours.

and just like any other day, hyuck visits you— but it was so visible you're tired.

'you alright?' he asks and you sorta just,,, threw your highlighter at him

'fuck this hyuck i'm going to flunk the exams, why do i even bother making such extensive notes....' and you just went on for a solid 7 minutes but

he still listens to you. he still looks at you with admiration like

the fuck?

and you just noticed how even at your rambling state, he still listens to you and you start crying like get a fucking grip hoe

hyuck is confused and he starts panicking cause he doesnt know what to do and he sorta goes over to you and hugs you in a very awkward way (i hope ya'll get what i mean)

AND YOU'RE DONE you're sobbing hoW can you not have noticed someone cares for you this much

it sorta hits you all at once; he stays with you everyday after lessons so you can complete your notes, he's always there even during study sessions with renjun and jeno, he's there when you need someone to hang out with on the weekends— he's always there for you

'i don't really know how to help people calm down with their feelings cause I can barely control mine but, I think you should go home and rest a bit, the stress probably got into you and—'

'yes'

'so let me help you pac— yes what?'

'yes, i'll go out with you'

*cue your face snuggling in his chest*

HYUCK DIED SKDJAKDKSKDKS

haechan? sorry he died 0.3 seconds ago

he smiles,,, a LoT AND he just holds you tighter, rubbing your back

'well, at least i won't have to go to this boring ass library anymore'

'HEY'

a/n: UWUUUUUUUU!!! okay lmao i've been making study packs recently for mocks (and yes it's for history) and ig that inspired me for this. if ya'll one day see me post a whole post on 17-18th century russia as well as authoritarian states (china and germany) please ignore me cause that's probably just me reviewing. anD if you're interested, i'll gladly share my note-taking styles and stuff so yeS i am THAT person. hope all of you have a great day ❤️

#nct #nct 127 #nct dream #lee donghyuck #lee haechan #donghyuck #haechan #taeyong #johnny #renjun #chenle #jisung #jaemin #jeno #mark #yuta #taeil #jaehyun #doyoung #jungwoo #fluff #headcanon

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shiro-0197 · 3 years

Note

aw shiro, my love, don't worry about it!! i only hope you're okay and safe :d please only reply when you're free, and don't feel bad about it!! >:(

my day yesterday was okay, i've just been relaxing, and studying occasionally. went out to explore a nearby town too, it's so pretty there. and much colder (since it's a highlands) of course!! Today was great too. I bought doughnuts (they're amazing?? I love doughnuts), and I had instant ramen, but it was SO spicy I nearly died. (Three bottles of water later, because someone finished all the milk in the household *cough* me *cough*) and I'm still just reeling. Sucks having such low spice tolerance HAHA. I'm listening to some old school hip-hop rn, while typing this out :D how were your two days?

here are some i'll be using to teach english :d and that would honestly be much appreciated, he's getting on my last nerve rn. (I included the first few, what do you think?)

thats such a priceless feeling i so totally agree. you're so precious 🥺🥺 i'm sure they're prouder thank you imagine. you're so dedicated!! i'm sure all that extra research you've done will definitely pay off. it's good that you know what the job is roughly like, so you'll be really prepared when you finally do start it. you know that one scene, in the 2nd season of the great pretender? when the chinese mafia boss emphasizes the importance of a translator in literally everything? (like that book award example) i may be getting the thing muddled up, but i found that so cool. like yeah, a book or speech could be absolutely beautiful, but if everyone can't enjoy it due to it being a different language, it would be such a shame. i just find translators really important. sorry, i'm really dorky haha 🥺🥺

awww but i think your personality type is wonderful. a lot of my favourite characters are intj (they're all so precious istg grrrr) yes!! i was in a tooru brainrot yesterday too 😭😭😭 (saw a bunch of couples on my walk, and I was like "if only Tooru was real grrrr") and yes?? there'd be so much to learn from each and every one of them. dedication from hinata, savage lines from tsukki, kindness from yams/yachi, how to be a dork 101 from atsumu. aaaah 😭😭i'm sorry they're all so wonderful.

No pftttt I totally feel you. I saw some people without masks today and I was like "bro wtf" and just really loudly said "I sure hope everyone starts following the rules so the cases don't increase" because I'm a lil bitch like that xD

awww okay!! I'll definitely keep that in mind. Mayo makes everything better, tbh >.< aww that's understandable! I don't have specific preferences but hearing the phrase "soggy cheese" makes me want to cry somewhere :( I don't like nuts in chocolate. I'm very passionate about that? XD ikr??

I'm surprised too, I usually never pass on murder, but I guess you're just special like that 👉👈 sir I'd get married to you as many times as you'd like 😼 oops sorry for being cheesy, but—you like cheese ;)

I won't ask why, don't worry. Since I kinda feel the same about Malaysia tbh. It's a love hate relationship, I think HAHA but yeah 😣😣 i don't look up to US at all, and it sucks because people generally do. And I'm just like ;-; why (no offense to Americans tho lol)

is that even legal omg they're so chaotic?? XD how cute tho. Angel does stuff like that all the time too, but I'd never know that when I first met her (she has the most perfect exterior, and then when you get to know her; she's the biggest dork) Schools opening on the 20th, I can't wait to see her then :] (I can, however, wait for the exams which are scheduled for the 25th ugh)

peanut butter is indeed yellow, not up for discussion hehe :) here's my favourite hues!! I love gentle, soft hues like these (pastels) , for yellow; I don't have a favourite. they're all wonderful

ahhh no that's so precious of you!! :)) I'm smiling rn.

yeah skdhskdjsk I'M JUST SO GRRR. Whenever someone goes "hey Ari can you ______" and we both respond?? The tension?? In the air?? Bro skdjskks. 😔🤚 You share a name with one of the most precious characters too tho!!;

This is Shiro from Voltron hehe. I love him so much, just like I love you (tho I'm sure we both know I love you more <3)

I share a name with a book character. His name is Aristotle Mendoza, but his crush-turned-boyfriend calls him "Ari" (which has been my nickname since I was 12). Reading it for the first time was the BEST feeling ever. It's also my favourite book, "Aristotle and Dante discover the secrets of the universe".

—Ari :D (no pfttt I love the tag so much. I have my own tag, that's like the best thing ever 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺)

Heyyy I'm so sorry for answering so late!! I know you said not to apologize but..... well hmm no excuse I just feel like apologizing, but either way thank you for your patience!!♡ This is the third time I'm rewriting this, and this time I'm doing this in my notes because fuck it😔

Im glad to hear that!! Highlands are always so pretty. Wish we had those here, but it's only steppe here:( Boring~ ooh, donuts!!! They're really good. I havent much, but I tried them like 3 times and they're so good. I really hope I will get to eat more<3 also WHAT'S THOSE NOODLES' NAME I WANNA KNOW- Are you feeling okay now, though? XD

My days were nice!!! Felt as if I had been hiding three bodies, but I've been feeling better lately. We had online school yesterday so I'm excused from the errands for the half of the day, thankfully. But your messages make me very happy. Though I dont always feel like writing a response (or I get stressed because it doenst save) so very sorry for that😔

Ohh those look so pretty!! I'd totally join to just look at them. The colors are so nice🥺 it looks like one of our olympiad prep slides, though better. I dont have the screenshots sadly😩 Either way I really love the little details like the squiggly thingies or the Ж .... they seem unnecessary but the energy changes a lot without them hehe

I really hope they will be🥺 that'd mean a lot to me. And I'm also really hopeful itll work out. I really don't wanna disappoint my family, which is literally just one person. The less people there are, the more it hurts, you know?

Yeah, that scene meant so much to me!! I dknt remember much, but I was very happy they said something like that, because I've been told being a translator wont work out for me. Now look at me, I'm about to tell them to fuck themselves<3 I was also so surprised to see Laurent know that many languages ..... I aspire to be like him😩 And honestly, I havent though so deep of that but you opened my eyes and now I'm about to float off into the next universe😭 dont apologize though, its very cute!!!♥︎♥︎

Heheh, I guess you're right.. every single anime INTJ is a silent sexy mastermind and I love them . ... YEAH every single time I see a passing couple i cry because I dont have anyone 😡💔 and sometimes when I see people doing something amusing (which includes people failing cuz I'm evil) I just imagine one of the characters doing that and I smile all the way xD Honestly, I'd sell my father on black market for a single day with one of them:( though that may sound like a really low price because his cigarette filled lungs wouldnt cost a lot... I sound like my 7th grade self again I'm so sorry

BAHQHHANEJWJD I HOPE THEY WERE EMBARRASED. I HOPE THEY FELT AWKWARD AND OTHER PEOPLE DID TOO, they deserve it. Like, learn your lesson bitch, it's been a year!

Yeah!!! I love mayo, not to the point where I would gulp it down from the package, but it does make dishes taste good. Same, soggy cheese on itself sounds like a dish served in the ninth circle of hell. You should try nuts in honey!! Like, just straight up dip them in honey. Sounds weird, and it doesnt always taste NEJFJKSKF (depends on the honey)but I think it's worth trying xD Walnuts are the best with honey I think

That was so funny ... TOO FUNNY, I LAUGHED FOR LIKE . 3MINUTES STRAIGHT and I do not laugh when I'm tired. You really are special 😭😭😭😭 cheesy ... HAHRNFJJSF

I'm so sorry for being a bully like that but it's so funny how you left a single U there . Its so mysterious, was it in purpose? Or were you lost in the excitement if messaging me?

I was one of those people, honestly 😭 but mostly because I wasnt aware of its political condition, I guess. Maybe theres more than just politics that's bad about US, but honestly, it has more opportunities than this hellfire. Though now I'm more into Norway and Japan. Really wanna travel there :(

Heheh, yeah, we never really show off to strangers at first. I dont know what exactly I mean by we, but you get my point ♡ Good luck though!! I hope it goes well for you<3

Oh they looks so pretty!! They're really wonderful. Like bubblegum and cotton candy and literally anything sweet... it's so cute !!! And I totally agree, there isnt a bad yellow.

HAHAH, honestly, that reminds me of how there were 4 people with the same name in my class, and whenever the teacher did the attendance thing, they would all stand up. Teachers usually dont say the last names, so we always gotta ask which person they mean if theres more than one person with that name, so yeah.. That happened on accident at first, but then they just did it for trolling xD

OH MY GOD HES SO PRETTY? HES SO PRECIOUS?? HUHHH??? I gotta thank Kuro for this wonderful opportunity of sharing a name with someone like .... him🥺

Oh that's so cool!! Also, he has a boyfriend ... I really need to start reading xD it's so cute though! It sounds like such a good book, I'm glad you share a name with him, hehe!!

I also share my real name with one of the characters in a kids' show, and its SO ugly, I'm in pain. Every time my friends see one of those on TV they go

Which is a pain in the ass, it's so embarrassing...........

Awh, okay!! I'm glad you love it, cuz I do too. Because it's your name.... cuz I love u. That was so lame PLEASEJWJDJSJF I HOPE YOUR DAY WAS GREAT !!! LOVE YOU

#Ari💕#💞💞💝💝💗💖💗💖💕💝💕💝💓💖💗💖💓💖💕💖💞💓💝💕💝💖💓💖💗💖💞💝💕💘💕💘💖💖💗💖💓💖💖💞💖💝💕💘💘💗💝💗💖💓💖💞💖

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bma-2020 · 5 years

Text

Okiedok here’s the delio. I have a list of all the blogs from the last six months who’s actively either responded to a meme i sent, responded to a message ive sent, replied to something regarding mally herself, has actually written with me, written a starter for me from my liking a starter call, has at least liked a starter i wrote for them to awknowedge it exists, all that jazz, i have a lot of open field so it’s not just a possible tumblr didnt let them no option anymore, because i send memes to everyone who posts them that i see. I reply to most peoples ooc posts. I like most starter calls I pass by. I try my darndest to actually interact bc i know how it feels to be ignored and its… i’ve been called one before so i’m using the word, thats fluffing cunty behavior, and honestly if you complain about not being interacted with but never even try when i try with you, ya being cunty, end of. I gotta list. That list only entails Mally because she’s who I care about the most. I’m probably gonna start instilling a new rule in all my blogs that if you ignore Mally and/or Darcy( @tasedandconfused ), since I would say they’re my two main blogs tho darcy gets ignored even more than mally does, probably bc i denied canon and left it entirely we know fandom hates that, if either of them is ignored then… Ya out of luck, I’m gonna unfollow you. I’m debating soft blocking everyone who ignored me on both of them but I don’t want to like be mean and deny the chance to eventually try again but at the same time i shouldnt feel bad for taking a stand and saying this is bullsheet, idk my anxiety says im awful for giving a fluff about myself but also i should give a fluff about myself probably, ive nearly died in the last three months, my brain almost exploded, i just had three root canals on one corner of my face, i have to potentially get surgery on my inner ear which i cant even afford, i dont got time to deal with only being used for like smut memes or like as a resource blog or utter bs like that, i dont got time for it. So new rules here. 1: If Mally or Darcy are not acknowledged, written with, responded to, viewed as more than just their fluffing bodies? ya dropped, im unfollowing, potentially soft blocking, which means blocking and unblocking for those not in the know, on all accounts I follow you on. Every single one. I know most of my muses are on sideblogs but despite not being able to send memes from sideblogs you can block people from sideblogs fun fact, i will do that if i have to. 2: I’m gonna be posting SCs, PCs, memes, etc. I like and respond to plotting calls, starter calls, i send memes, all of that. If I don’t get any response within.. I’m giving one week for people who don’t run on a queue and a month and a half to people on a queue based system, if i dont get anything within that time like at least an im being like ‘its posted’ or ‘its queued i wanted to let you know in case tumblrs a fluffbutt’ (i do this sometimes if i dont get even just a like on the starters i post so i at least know people saw it since i know tumblrs bs, i wait until the day they’re active to do so in case theyre busy yknow) basically i need acknowledgment at all. No you can’t claim this is abt follower count bc when you unfollow someone they inevitably unfollow you too, thats gonna drop my following, not as quickly as soft blocking would but i wanna be fair i guess, which leads to: 3: I’m basing this on your activity too, like if i like a think and you’re gone for a month after that its fine, im not gonna unfollow you unless you never come back or youre online and posting others just not mine because that tells me youre specifically ignoring me and im gonna drop you for that end of. I’m done with the bullsheet im done w the dillish behavior, i love friendship but if im giving and never receiving thats extremely one way and not gonna work. I check through my follow list weekly and i go back about five-10 pages on someones feed before i unfollow them to see their actual activity and see if theyre here or if its a q so. I’m thorough basically. 4: You dont have to be active with me on all your blogs, i mean i’d prefer it but thats hard as fluff so essentially if you have like five blogs and are just like trying w me on two or three thats fine. Ten blogs, four or five with at least a plot formed is cool. Multis just one muse is all I’d need. I’m not gonna unfollow the blogs youre not writing w me on if you at least write w me on some. Again, specifically Mally and/or Darcy. If you ignore both of them, we’re done. I havent been active on darcy because of being ignored and its a huge butt mess and im just tired i wanna use my babies, you don’t get to have my ‘better’ muses like i know a lot of ppl only follow me for my boys or my villains, you don’t get them if you ignore my baby. But, there is a limit there too. 5: If you never respond to a meme or thread even once with Mally or Darcy, or post a starter, i reply, its never replied to again after a month, I’m unfollowing and/or soft blocking for that too. Bc that means youre just raising my hopes to fluff with me or get someone else and honestly, youre even more cunty than than the people just flat out ignoring me if you do that. And this isnt a specific person, this is five of the people actually on my list. Yes, my list is also annotated with specifics again I was very thorough on this yesterday, I hyperfixated I’ll admit it, I’m in a fluffing depressionary bubble and being told to get over it because people want something they dont deserve to have to. I am a believer that people deserve good things but if youre purposefully being cunty… no you dont. 6: No I’m not releasing my list, maybe I will and I’ll omit the urls because I don’t want people being buttholes to each other too but otherwise, yall not seeing it im not giving a callout because… really thats just unnecessary here. I don’t think yall are toxic people or something i just think yall are unintentionally being cunty. And no I don’t mean everyone that follows me i mean the ppl that add up to what i’ve documented so far and fit the bill of butthat that i’ve shown, its behaviors yall gotta check before ya wreck. Yes there will be some people who have priority, everyone has those people, I write w kathryn on other platforms since she doesnt go on here as often but when Kathryn returns from war here (if she does cause she also agrees most ppl on this platform are cunty, i feel really bad saying that word so often but im gonna keep doing it i recently deleted an ask saying I was a huge cunt for not sending someone smut memes when I didn’t even follow them or know they existed so, again the travesty of this place is nutballers) same with owly, alex is here too, my most active partners are always going to be priority because theyre the ones who show the most interest and the most care. I understand that with others as well which is why I have the timeframe set up, because I want to be as open and shizz as possible while atill being firm i guess. I don’t want to have extreme double standards like its impossible for double standards not to exist at least a little bit but I want to avoid a golden chest full of them I guess. 7: I don’t have a seven rn, this was an even number and it bothered me. Seven is nust my warning that I’m bittery writing this on mobile so formatting is not real but i tried my dandest to make this look like something people might actually mind. I dont want to be butty, i dont want to be awful, i dont want to start drama or have drama but that shizz comes around anyways so i might as well make my space as okay for me as i can cause im supposed to avoid stress so my brain doesnt almost explode again, like again i almost fluffing died i dont need ppl fake being my friend or anything, i want stuff to be real and clear. I want to be happy to be on here again and have fun like i used to since my health is plummetting and I’m not allowed to go outside near plants by myself anymore because i welt up. I have plants outside my work place and im surrounded by chemicals all day long I’m welted from here to new york constantly and never comfortable in my own skin because of it and constantly see people online acting like these actual real problems are pretentious because ‘its an excuse’ when, im a fluffing sagittarius, do you know how much i want to magically be a millionaire so i can pay for friends and my own medical stuff and go on traveling and adventures, be outside probably not camping bc as a pagan i know thats a death sentence but like be outside, lay on grass, go back to swimming because i used to swim competitively and due to health reasons i can barely even go in a pool anymore because theres too much sunlight which, bit plot twist i know, im fluffing allergic to vitamin D and the rays of the sun, so go figure, attempts to be healthy kill me more, i also cant eat most plants and am constantly dying from just eating food, they dont know whats wrong with me. i cant fix it by going ve/gan for a month inf act i tried and it almost made my heart stop thanks society. These arent excuses these are the lives of disabled and diseased and to a lesser but still very real point, ethnic lives every fluffing day. This is real shit and its murder and online and gaming? It may be all I have soon since I can’t just go out and make new friends cause, again, I’d fluffing die. I get sick going to the mall or the movie theater, I miss theme parks so much but have to minimize it to weeks i dont have work so i dont get fired for having a welt while working in the beauty industry. I may have to get a degree online and change my field entirely because of my illness that nobody understands. People even make fun of it constantly online and I wish I could just drop online entirely because of how unbelievably ableist the entirety of the world is, i wish i could drop humans in general for their ableism, but i cant. I don’t have choices in most cases, but throwing away people who maybe purposefully maybe unintentionally thats why i’m giving you this warning and will be repeating this warning for awhile, this is where i have choice. I have to use what little choice I have in life while I can since everytime i go to movies or a concert or a theme park i almost die because of not having an immune system that functions or being in certain air qualities pr being near plants or unclean people, I may not have much time and I gotta do whats best for what little mental health I have, and if that means dropping people i care about and really want to write with and do things with but who ignore me then, i guess so be it.

#out.#illness cw #health cw #food mention #ive been writing this since noon and its now two pm so this is great #i’s usually put this under a read more but... maybe most people dont deserve a read more rn lol #their behavior will keep being awful if its not pointed out to them so #im done im gonna go welt up from hugging my cat and cry for a bit because i feel mean

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warmau · 5 years

Text

{Regular Inspired!AU x NCT 127} Johnny

tw: weapons mention, violence mention, n*fw elements, be warned. everything written here is a work of FICTION, it does not in anyway reflect reality, nor do i condone any of the extreme behavior. ♢ introduction ♢ pick mark instead | pick haechan instead | pick yuta instead

“he’s guilty of being soft - a hopeless romantic type who’d rather runaway than break a heart.”

“i choose john-”

before you can even finish, johnny is cascading over to you

he’s abandoned his wine glass and is instead clapping his hands together ceremoniously

as he takes a bow in front of the table you’re sitting on

“i promise to keep you quite entertained during your time with jung enterprises”

he extends a hand to help you up

and you take it, faltering a little

and asking quietly that you rather he promise to keep you quite safe

he winks, muttering under his breath that of course he will be doing that too

before turning to the rest of the group with a smile

“well, as you can tell the decision has been made. it was obvious from the start that i would be the best choice as the rest of you,,,,,,,,”

he lowers his tone a little

“dont know how to treat a guest right anyway”

somewhere in the room haechan scoffs

mark is giving you an almost worried look

while doyoung and jungwoo turn to discuss something in hushed whispers

taeil suddenly pops up by your side, poking the skin of your cheek and causing you to let out a surprised gasp

“johnny has more secrets than you think!”

he exclaims

and you want to ask what in the world he means

but he’s already shoo’d off

jaehyun’s hand comes down on a nearby table - the sound rattling everyone into silence

and you notice johnny take a step in front of you

as jaehyun clears his throat

“it’s been settled. everyone go home. johnny, make sure they -”

“what do you think i am, an ungentlemanly idiot? of course i will escort this lovely person home”

jaehyun doesn’t bother to respond

even though he seems utterly pissed about the whole situation - he seems content with your trust in johnny

you start to think that johnny is probably held close by the jungs, he is after all their lawyer

or so you hope

“you can report tomorrow to my office darling, for now ill call my chauffeur and have him bring you to your home”

“oh, you’re not coming with us?”

you ask almost on instinct

johnny’s smile widens

“ah you want me to stay by your side? well of course you do, we’re one in the same now aren’t we? and alas, i dont want to leave you either, but i have some more work to do.”

he takes your hand gently, lifting it up to kiss the top

“but tomorrow - i promise, we’ll be together all day, baby”

johnny drawls out the words - his voice naturally sensual and emphasized

just the way he speaks makes your body react a certain way

but you talk it down, reminding yourself of the situation you’re actually in

these people are dangerous, these people could kill you

johnny’s chauffeur is an older aged man, he speaks with you in english and you think you hear some kind of accent - maybe from a big city like chicago

but that slips your mind

because you’re watching the streets of seoul pass in your window

regular people, regular cars

you’d been just like them the other day and now,,,,,,you’re being driven home under the pretense that you might run away from the mob

the goddamn mob

you groan and the chauffeur asks if you’re ok - when johnny is stressed he usually just needs something to drink

you shake your head politely, explaining that everything is fine

it’s just been,,,,,,,,a long day

the next morning ,,,,, johnny is outside of your house

he’s wearing an expensive looking jacket over a freshly pressed white button down

the cuffs of the jacket are pushed up to his elbows and on his arm is an array of expensive bands and a diamond watch matches on the other

he greets you with another kiss on your hand - eyes hidden behind equally as expensive shades

“i thought i would make up having to leave you all alone last night by picking you up today,,,”

he starts - smiling when a group of women pass by, all whispering and pointing at him

he waves and they all go up in arms about it as they hurry on past

and you take note that johnny just seems to like attention,,,,,,especially the attention of those who find him attractive

“are we going to the office?”

you ask, suddenly wanting him to just get into the car so all the eyes on the street would stop finding their way to you

“oh no no no, office work will come later. for now, i want to make sure you get to enjoy some new luxuries.”

you blink, trying to read between the lines

does luxuries mean something in this shady industry? are you about to be in the middle of something dangerous?

but,,,,,,,,,,,,it’s nothing of that sort

when johnny meant luxuries - he meant it literally

you find yourself following him into stores of brand names you’d only read about in magazines

everywhere the store employees recognize and treat johnny like he’s a celebrity

you are paraded in and out of dressing rooms, in and out of clothing you could never afford

you make the mistake of looking at a price tag while you’re changing and almost fall over

the whole time you insist to johnny that this is,,,,,,overwhelming,,,,,and you dont want him to buy you something - or spend his money or time anymore

that you’re fine going to the office and filing papers all day

but johnny takes your chin in his hand and tilts your face up to meet his

“im not doing this because i pity the situation you’re in baby, im doing this because im letting you have a taste of my world”

his mouth curls up into a smile

“and you’re part of it now.”

he lets you go, turning to focus his attention on some expensive necklace

but the words rattle you

im a part of a whole new world?

the shopping trip turns into a stop by a restaurant where everything is in french but johnny doesnt even have to order

the chef knows what he wants

and you feel small in such a big chair in such a big restaurant

when johnny is really only two feet away

the fancy food turns into fancy art

hung up on the walls of highbrow galleries

johnny listing names of artists like they’re his favorite colors

everywhere he goes and everything he says just dazzles you - the capacity of his networking, his social skill

it’s hard to believe he even needs to work for the jungs - it seems money is naturally drawn to him

as are people

it’s supposed to be your day with him, as johnny had sort of sketchily implied

but when you think about it, it’s been you watching his broad back

people flanking his sides

people chattering in his ear

you’re ignored - aside from the watchful eyes of bodyguards or securities in whatever upscale establishment you go into

and it’s not jealousy,,,,,,,you’re not vain or greedy for his attention

you just,,,,,,feel out of place

so when it’s already night and johnny tells his driver to take you to your home

you dont have anything to say - seated on the leather backseat with johnny right beside you

“well, did you enjoy yourself?”

he asks, leaning his head back and opening the window on his side

his hair whips a bit in the wind that comes through

and when you look at him like this,,,he’s almost unreal

“im very ,,,,, i appreciate you taking your time to show me all of this. it’s all very,,,,,,,,new”

you try to pick your words carefully - but it’s hard

you dont know how to politely say - it was super uncomfortable

johnny doesnt respond, not until the car pulls up onto your quiet street

but before you get out, johnny goes

“you have no interest in being rich, do you?”

his tone isn’t demeaning, it’s rather more,,,,,,genuinely surprised

you lay your hands in your lap and shake your head

“im only interested in being,,,,,normal. a desk job, a good retirement plan, maybe a family.”

you pause and johnny’s gaze is suddenly on you

his hand reaches out, brushes yours

“you’re very humble. i hope you stay that way.”

this voice is one you haven’t heard from johnny

it’s a stark contrast to his usual upbeat, personable and borderline flirtatious sound

this is,,,,,,,,,,,,almost prayer like

but it’s gone as soon as it comes

he straightens up his shoulders and gives you a wave as you step out of the car

“see you tomorrow, be sure to rest and be as pretty in the morning!”

and with that he closes the door to the car and you go to your apartment

worn out, tired

happy to be in your tiny, little corner of normalcy

thankfully, johnny doesnt take you out like that again

for the next couple of weeks you only see him at the office

where he is just as teasing and cheery - calling you over to help him with affectionate names and light touches on your back

it’s not predatory or suggestive - although doyoung has on several occasions grabbed johnny’s hand or given him looks when you were all in the same room

but you dont feel as if you’re being pressured to do anything

you just think this is how johnny is,,,,he’s inviting to everyone,,,,or at least everyone who he in return is fond of

you’re not alone, he’s ruffled mark’s hair in front of you - as if mark isn’t also part of the underground illegal business they’re all in

he’s used cute chinese add-ons when addressing sicheng

quite literally told jungwoo how “adorable and handsome” he was when the mentioned had come in to work with a new haircut

he was just social

so nothing he did to you made you feel outright special

but what it did make you feel was distracted

you were thankful to have someone with his disposition looking after you

had it been taeyong or jaehyun, you think you’d spend everyday sweating over the fact that you could be killed

or put in danger

but johnny made you forget that

until ,,,,, something changed

you had maybe been wrapping up the first month of your time with jung enterprises

happy to have not witnessed anything too gruesome or too against the law

when you’d come in before leaving to see if johnny needed any last minute help

you’d found him at his desk, papers scattered in piles around his feet - his large hand grabbing a fistful of his hair as he shook slightly behind his computer screen

at first you dropped everything and thought he was in some kind of physical pain

but when you got closer, concern in your voice

johnny barked for you to get back

you could only see briefly what was on the screen

the image was of johnny,,,,,,,,,,,,and you

the first day where he’d taken you out

but not wanting to infringe on him, you did as you were told

backed silently out of the office, collected your discarded bag, and disappeared downstairs

johnny’s chauffeur could see the almost ghostly look in your eyes - so he made quick work of getting you home

“don’t worry about him, i will go back and check if he is alright”

he’d assured, surprisingly using english instead of korean

you had a weird feeling in your gut that something was going on - something had been going on all this time

and only you weren’t in the loop

once inside, you’d suddenly stated to panic

had someone threatened johnny? why did the use a photo of you and him together? were you also going to be in danger?

all of those thoughts began to circle and chant louder and louder in your head

they kept you up all night

and in the morning, you came into the office absolutely petrified

mark running over to you almost immediately

“what’s wrong?”

he asked, leading you into the empty printing room, shutting the door

before you could answer, the door clicked again and through it came taeil of all people

his smile wide on his face, his hands clasped behind his back

“so did you find out johnny’s secret?”

he chirped, mark trying to tell him through gritted teeth that now wasn’t the time to joke around

but you could only shake your head

“n-no, but ,,,,,, but is it bad? i just saw johnny last night and he was a mess-”

mark opens his mouth, but taeil moves him to the side as he bends over to get closer to you

“johnny isn’t a mess, his life is. you’ll probably never find out - but if you do, i think you wont really want to be around him anymore~”

“taeil, that’s enough. johnny isn’t a bad guy - he just has a past”

mark’s voice is soothing, as is his concerned expression and gentle hand on your shoulder

but even though his words are meant to calm you down, you forget them and only think about taeil’s

you wont really want to be around him anymore

you want to ask why,,,,was his past riddled with worse crimes? was he really a horrible person?

but taeil just laughs, turns on his heel and leaves the printing room before you can even formulate a question to ask

not that he’d answer it anyway

mark leads you back to johnny’s office

where you can see his silhouette inside

and mark asks if you’d rather have someone else watch over you, he could do it or maybe doyoung

but you would feel wrong just up and trading johnny away

he’d been nothing but kind to you, he’d done nothing but made you forget all the realities of this job

so you decline, thanking mark and taking in a deep breath before walking in

johnny seems back to his usual self, his desk is all cleaned up and he doesn’t seem to be anything short of,,,,,,happy

when he sees you - his eyes light up and he reaches out to grab your hand

“darling! ive been waiting!”

he eagerly motions with his other hand to the door

“i have a meeting with a new client and id like you to come with me!”

you blink, stuck between wanting to ask if he’s ok and between asking if going to meet a client would be safe for you

johnny doesnt hesitate before taking his brief case and leading you back out the door

people from their desks look up, but no one really pays attention

and when you find yourself already in the car - you’re surprised that ,,,,,,,, haechan is also there

“you- you’re here,,”

you start and he snorts

“no offense but i belong here - youre the one that’s out of place.”

you bite back your tongue and johnny swats at haechan like he’s some young child

“don’t speak like that to them, you may be my assistant but they’re our guest-”

haechan huffs, taking out his phone and making it clear he doesnt care what else is said

the car ride is awkward, johnny chats with his driver and tells you about the client

as haechan’s elbow mercilessly digs into your side - even though there’s totally room for him to move over

when you finally pull up to an office building

you brace yourself for the worse

if this is a client that is interested in the jung’s ,,,, “family” business,,,,then that means it’ll be like what you see in the movies

a big mob boss, cigar smoke, men in black, guns,,,,,,,

but to your surprise it’s none of that

the office is normal, the man who you meet is normal, and there isn’t any sort of weapon or burly bodyguard in sight

“i understand you’re interested in drawing up a contract with jung enterprises - is that correct?”

johnny asks, you are seated beside him - notepad out, ready to take notes

while haechan seemingly thinks the best place is to stand directly behind johnny - eyes locked on the poor client

“yes,,,i wanted to talk to one of the company’s lawyers before i agreed to anything.”

the man explains, passing some sort of document to johnny

the conversation is a typical business conversation - nothing shady, nothing illegal

haechan seems to have had enough, as he’s on his phone now

and you’re trying to take notes before suddenly you hear the man address you

“is this your intern?”

johnny nods, motioning to you

“they’re wonderful. please give them your card so they can contact you on my behalf.”

the man shuffles around his desk and you take the business card he extends with a polite bow

you read it

‘cho kyuhyun’

the meeting ends and as you’re walking out beside johnny, you catch sight of something in the waistband of his suit as he reaches for the elevator

it’s the grip of handgun, and as soon as you see it - you avert your eyes away

now you know why haechan chose to stand where he did

“that guy looked like a total weirdo,,,,”

haechan says when the elevator doors close

“well at least he’s not another one of those goons from the busan gang - remember how messy our last meeting was?”

johnny sighs, turning to you

“im glad you didn’t have to see anything like that”

he smiles and you don’t know why, but your shoulders tense

a mess? like a bloody mess?

haechan doesnt follow you and johnny to the car - he waves his phone and mutters something about having to see jaehyun

“isn’t jaehyun at the office?”

“jaehyun is never at the office, he’s always avoiding his father.”

johnny explains

you look down at the notepad still in your hand,,,,kyuhyun’s card inside of it

“well since haechan has left us, i think we should also find something fun to do!”

johnny leans forward and whispers something to the chauffeur

“wait - we aren’t going to the office?”

you watch as johnny’s smile spreads out on his face

“it’s a beautiful day - let’s not spend it holed up inside~”

you want to protest, to say that you love being inside! but then you remember how johnny had looked

sitting at that computer, shaking

and think that this might be for his own sake - a meaningful distraction

so you force a smile back

the car pulls up infront of what looks like another over decorated, unnecessarily rich store

you follow johnny out, ready to feel completely ostracized among the heavily invested, borderline trying to marry johnny employees

and rich people who can practically smell the poorness on you

but instead of stopping every second to entertain someone, or even acknowledge the people who mid sentence try to greet him

johnny just announces that he’ll be upstairs in the “amour éternel suite ”

you scurry behind him, trying to keep in tune with his long legs as he makes his way up a crescendo staircase

into an open, runway style changing room

you look around the interior

there are couches made of white leather - trays with red roses and bottles of wine paired with crystal glasses

and all of the clothes

are wedding clothes

beautiful, floor sweeping gowns

veils with crystals woven into them

suits made of soft, soft silk

and cases line the wall of glittering, gigantic diamond rings

you feel your throat dry, a sweltering nervousness makes a home in your stomach

as johnny walks past the mannequins, gently running his hand over some of the gowns and suits

till he settles on something he likes

he turns to you, eyes narrowed - scanning you up and down

as you press closer into yourself

suddenly shy and unaware of yourself

“this, put this on.”

he passes you what he’s chosen and you’re almost fearful to touch it

but there’s an insistence in his voice,,,,,that deep prayer like voice you’d only heard once before

who is this johnny? why is he acting like this?

all of these thoughts preoccupy your mind as you change, hands trembling over the expensive garments

your own eyes too scared to face your transformed reflection

“are you ready?”

he asks and you feel so out of place,,,,,so embarrassed

“johnny, why are you making me do this?”

you ask and the sound of your shaking voice seems to rattle itself through johnny

because you hear him get up, walk across the vast room, till you feel him outside of the curtain that seperates you and him

“can i come inside?”

it’s soft, a plea almost

shyly you reach and pull the curtain back

you’re wearing what he’s chosen, even the accessories and when you look up at johnny

you gasp

his cheery expression, always happy and playful smile is gone

replaced with dark, downcast eyes

that seem faraway and pained

his handsome features all highlighted by a look of utter agony

“you look divine”

he says - reaching out, touching the curve of your neck

“tell me, you said you wanted a regular life. a family. i assume you want to get married?”

“i,,,ive thought about it of course, but -”

“so tell me. you want to marry a person you love - not a person who is chosen for you, right?”

your throat closes up on itself

you’re searching johnny’s face for some kind of explanation

what is going on here? what is he talking about? why did he look so terrified last night? what is happening right in front of you that is being kept secret?

“i ,,,,, i want to marry the person i love”

“so do i”

johnny’s hand falls from your neck, to the dip of your waist

gently he pulls you out into the room and before you know it

he’s spinning you around, swaying with you in the silence of the room

he moves your body to his lead

your eyes connected with his

confusion apparent on your face, torment on his

it’s the only time in your life you’ve ever danced with no music

your body completely under the control of the man who leads with such painful elegance

that you can’t help but give in

johnny twirls you around and for a second the whole world is in this room

the eternity of your past, his past, your future, his future

is here

until you make a small mistake, drop a hand from his shoulder and you feel it brush past his waist

past the gun that’s hidden there

it strikes you back into reality and you pull from his hold

johnny lets you, standing there with his head hung low

as you hurry back behind the curtain, throw off the wedding clothes, and put your own back hastily

when you come out, johnny is on the phone

“so he checks out? you haven’t found out who sent me those photos? that’s fine. ok.”

you wait until he’s done

turning around to see you again

“it looked beautiful on you, would you like me to buy i-”

“no.”

johnny takes you home instead of the office

he has the car drop you off and you don’t look back when you go inside

you don’t know why you suddenly feel ,, angry? scared? you don’t know why your head is spinning

you think of johnny’s darkened eyes - an expression you’d never seen before in your life

you ask over and over why he made you put those clothes on. why he asked you about marriage

you ask over and over what is he hiding? what’s the secret?

but there are no answers

there never are with him

and in the morning, you dread seeing him

you dread seeing everyone

but you have to go to work - scared if you stay home jaehyun’s own father will come and collect you

or even worse

johnny will come to your home, exist with his incomprehensible self in the only space that is safe for you

johnny is in his office, and so is kyuhyun

the man you’d met with yesterday

you greet them both and say you’ll go get some coffee started

johnny doesn’t say anything to keep you

and as you’re making the coffee - you nearly let the pot overheat

someone’s hand coming over to put the heat out

“trying to commit arson? you’re interested in being a criminal now?”

you look up to see taeil by your side, trickster grin and all

“will you tell me johnny’s secret?”

he adjusts the tie around his neck, shrugging his shoulders up and down

“he’s guilty of being soft - a hopeless romantic type who’d rather runaway than break a heart.”

you scoff, uncaring of the fact that you’re sure taeil could hurt you if he pleased

but you’re sick of playing guessing games

and not being in the loop

at first you didnt want to know what shady business was going on - but working for johnny had started feeling like a legitimate job

like a trusted boss and intern relationship

and

maybe

in a small way, something more

but you repressed that thought - you just wanted to help johnny

that’s what it really came down to, and right now it felt like that wasn’t possible

you return, brushing past taeil who just laughs as you walk away

to johnny’s office, setting the coffee down

oblivious to the way kyuhyun watches you intently

the two of them talk a bit more as you work on some of the files that need to be organized

before he leaves kyuhyun says goodbye to you

and you turn, his eyes large and dark - staring almost through you

it’s a little weird, but your mind is so cluttered that you don’t care much

you exchange a small bow and then go back to your work

johnny doesnt talk much as usual

he’s actually focused on work

and multiple times leaves the office after being called by the ceo

you try to act normal but it’s hard

and for the next couple of days - there’s just this rift between you two

you waited and waited for johnny’s usual attitude to come back, fo him to greet you with a petname - to touch your back gently as he asked about your morning

but it didn’t happen

he didnt turn cruel or anything - he just,,,,became kind of silent around you

“i cant believe it - but i think you’ve put a curse on johnny.”

doyoung mentions one day

“he isn’t walking around talking up a storm anymore.”

you feel a twinge of sadness in your heart - you didn’t mean it,,,,you dont understand what you did to make johnny like this

so finally you decide that you’re going to confront it

he is a dangerous man - you know this, but you trust he wouldnt hurt you and you want everything to be as it was before

“johnny, can i talk to you?”

you ask on a quiet evening, the rest of the office has already gone for the day and the dim light comes through the windows as the sky turns from bright blue to a yawning grey

he looks up from his computer, eyes tired

“of course”

“i dont know what i said or did,,,,maybe i acted rudely at the store we went to - but i just want to ask if everything is ok?”

johnny listens to your question, then moves a bit forward in his chair

you feel him take your wrist and tug you closer

your eyes glancing to his office door to see if it’s close

“ive been such a scumbag, haven’t i?”

he starts

“i was that one who was rude to you, who dragged you around without a care. you should be mad at me. but there are things,,,,,going on now that are very complicated. ive been wrapped up and have neglected you - but just know that no matter what you do or say,,,,,i will never be upset with you”

his voice is soft and genuine, he tugs you a bit closer but also loosens his hold

lets you decide if he’s too close or not

and for a moment you’re stuck looking at his lips

his gorgeous lips

that those pretty words all come out of and - and you think had it been anyone else in the world

with lips like those, a face like his, you’d have fallen in love like magic

and maybe just a little part of you did

johnny knows where you’re looking - and he reads your mind

he tilts his head and lets his hand come up to move to your neck

pull you down and whisper

“close your eyes”

before he does what you can’t bring yourself to do

and just as you feel his lips brush yours

the door opens

and you jump back like a frightened animal

johnny getting up on impulse to block you from whoever is at the door

but it’s only kyuhyun

you both relax

and think he’s probably just here to drop something off

when suddenly, he pulls something from behind his back

“youngho. you’re coming with me”

you think you must have misheard or misunderstood

youngho? who is that?

but johnny doesnt falter, he just motions with his hand for you to get behind him

“i should have known they would send someone for me.”

“you thought you could escape the arrangement? change your name, fly to korea, and it would all be over?”

kyuhyun smirks, his finger calm on the trigger

his hand extended - lining up a shot that would go point blank through johnny’s heart

“your family wants you back. her family wants your back. you can’t just leave your fiancé like that.”

your blood goes cold

fiancé?

“she knows i dont love her, her parents just want -”

kyuhyun hisses for him to shuttup

he steps closer, then moves the gun over johnny’s shoulder

“this lover of yours - they’re no match to the woman whose waiting back in chicago. dont make me kill them for the sake of your marriage”

you dont dare to breathe, let alone speak

is this johnny’s secret? that he’s escaping a wife back in the states?

your heart churns in pain, but your mind cant believe it

not with the memory of him standing in that changing room

looking at you

“i want to marry the person i love”

“so do i”

with the kind of emotion and empathy that could only exist inside someone who really truly believed that

so whoever this fiancé was,,,,,,she wasn’t in johnny’s heart

if she was you’re sure he’d be there with her

not here in korea

not here

with you

“they’re not my lover-”

“bullshit. you know i have evidence. youngho, who do you think sent you that photo?”

your mind flashes back to that night where you’d seen johnny alone in his office

“who do you think wrote that letter? i warned you that id come and get you. and if i had to kill the person you were sleeping with - parading out on the town with like some unmarried man - i would. no hesitation.”

kyuhyun’s voice is cold

his expression stoic, beside the smirk that comes when johnny doesnt answer right away

“nothing to say? just step aside, get your things, and come with me to america. ill even let your little pet run off alive.”

you begin to panic, frightened that

one) johnny would leave - abandon the jungs and his life here and two) that when he did - you’d still be hunted down, unprotected with him gone

but johnny doesnt have any plan to give in

not even when he’s unarmed - a gun pointed in his direction

he instead turns around, facing you and smiles

“remember when i said i was happy you never got to see things get messy?”

you are frozen in place - but manage a tiny nod

“well, baby it’s going to get messy so please forgive me in advance.”

with that he turns, steps forward and right as you see kyuhyun’s hand squeeze over the trigger

with one swift movement and shout

johnny orders you to run - as he squats down, one long leg coming to roundhouse kick kyuhyun off his balance

a shot goes off, but just as it does the gun comes flying out of kyuhyun’s hands by the stun kick

you run to duck under the desk, but see the gun go skidding across the office floor

it lands only a couple of feet from you

you can hear kyuhyun shout - but johnny throws his weight forward, keeping kyuhyun pinned to the ground

he lifts his hand up to land a fist into his chest

and you - scared out of your mind - think this could be your only chance

you dart out, reaching for the gun

kyuhyun manages to land a hard blow into johnny’s jaw with his elbow

and throw him off

he comes barreling toward the gun, but you get it first

and before he can grit his teeth, grab you by the collar

he’s being pulled back, johnny’s arms wrapped around his torso as he stops him from getting close

“GET OUT OF HERE!”

johnny yells and you dash for the door, your adrenaline pumping high in your ears

but then you stop

“what about you-”

johnny throws kyuhyun down, getting back ontop with his hand pulled back

he doesnt answer - but you can see the pure power almost radiating off of him

scared to leave him on his own like this, but sure he can hold his own

you dash down the stairs, screaming for mark, jungwoo, doyoung, jaehyun - anyone

until it’s haechan who rushes past you

“it’s johnn-”

you start, but he seems to know

“im his assistant, i can tell somethings up.”

and with that he’s flown by you like the wind, up the stairs to the offices

you stand - hands shaking with the gun in them

the image of johnny’s bruised face, his broad shoulders shaking - this time with anger and strength as it broke free from his body

a moment or two later, it’s taeil who finds you with the gun

he grabs it from your hands and doesnt offer any comfort or words

he just looks at you

“still want to be around johnny?”

there’s no ambulance called, no police - obviously - but you hear something about kyuhyun being dragged up to face the ceo

and that finally

when you can go back upstairs as well

johnny is seated in a chair, ice on his swelling jaw

dried blood on the corner of his mouth, his hair a mess and sweat soaked through his shirt

when he sees you - he tries to smile, say that he’s happy you’re safe

but you just fall on your knees infront of him

sobbing against his knee

“i thought he’d hurt you- that if i left he’d really take you back and i would never see you ag-”

you feel his hand in your hair, petting it softly

till you look up and johnny motions for you to stand

you do and he pulls you between his legs

“im not leaving. it’s true, i left america and changed my name to get out of an arrange marriage but that’s because i had no choice. it was marry her or die. and im not the kind of man who can marry someone who he doesnt love”

“see, hopeless romantic like i said”

taeil chirps from somewhere

but you don’t care or notice the rest of the room

you just see johnny, not youngho not the ‘mysterious past’ johnny

you see the johnny

who so dearly cared for you - distracted you from all of your life’s troubles

when his own was all upside down

“was kyuhyun-”

“he was sent to kidnap me. he was sending me photos of us,,,claiming he knew we were longtime lovers. im sorry you had to get involve-”

you lean in, careful of his swelling to pull johnny into a hug

he chuckles against your ear and lets his hands wrap around your waist

“i know you said we werent to kyuhyun - but i would be honored to be the person you one day call your lover”

you whisper, without really thinking, to johnny

low enough for him to only hear

and it’s as if your heart has talked for the first time

and johnny only squeezes you closer

“should i call you lover instead of baby from now on?”

he mumbles and presses a kiss to the side of your skin

which makes you pull back, embarrassed to do this with others in the room

but the rest of the group just seems to look as if they’ve expected this to happen

haechan does a gagging motion with his hand, which you see has also taken a couple of beatings

you thank him later for helping johnny - only to be answered with a

“just because you’re with him doesnt mean i have to like you too,,,,,,,but it was ballsy of you to grab a gun like that!”

the rest of the night, after johnny is driven home and insists that you stay over too

just to “nurse” his bruises

you find yourself for the first time since the fight alone with him

the first time since you two kissed alone with him

and you listen to johnny’s story

escaping america, begging his parents not to force him to marry

and you realize that’s why he took you to that store

johnny, like any normal person, had fantasies about his wedding day

about the person he would love

his family was doing its best to ensure he wouldnt get that - that he’d dread his wedding day - a scam, to be with a person who you dont love

you wonder to yourself

did he go there a lot alone - to that store

look at the gowns, the tuxs, and wish he could have a chance to be regular

johnny kisses you a lot that night, says something about how he’s never got the chance to do it with someone he really truly felt something for

and how it all tasted sweeter - felt warmer

until you curled up close with him and asked gently

“are there any other secrets you have?”

he breathed out

“all my secrets,,,,,,you know them now ,,,,, and i promise to never hide a thing from you again”

the words make your heart feel as if it’s going to rip through your chest - because they’re so sincere

they sound like wedding vows

“ill tell you everything too”

you reply, closing your eyes and letting johnny lightly trace his fingers over your neck

the hairs on your skin stand up from the touch and you let his hand go further downwards

his lips kiss where his fingers have been

and you hear it against your skin through the hazey feeling that starts to fog your brain with pleasure

“baby, im yours and you are mine”

the next morning you come into the office and when taeil tilts his head and asks why you’re wearing a turtleneck

you tell him,,,,,,it’s a secret

#nct scenarios #nct imagines #nct au #nct 127 scenarios #nct 127 imagines #nct 127 au #johnny scenarios #johnny imagines #johnny au #regular au #nct #johnny #seo youngho #uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh who wrote this .......it wasnt me..............#weapons/#blood/

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ellebabywrites · 5 years

Text

Wonderwall - Lee Seokmin

Type : Fluff // Angst // Smut

Word Count : 5387

Author Note : Finally an update ! Sorry it took so long but I hope you enjoy it Lovelies ! Not edited yet because it’s 3am but I’ll fix any mistakes tomorrow :)

For as long as you could remember it had just been the three of you. Hoshi, Seungkwan and yourself. The three musketeers; Charlie’s angels; Alvin and The Chipmunks; other famous threes. When college came around the three of you made a point of sticking together, ‘no man left behind’, you weren’t going to become those people that drifted apart in college, not when you were all on the same campus. Then Hoshi and Seungkwan decided to join the SVT fraternity, which meant you were dragged along to all their functions and parties. Soon enough your small group had more than tripled in size.

SVT were famous on campus for their parties. Some of the older members having the campus police charmed enough to let the most outrageous complaints slide; they went all night and no one was left sober. It was one of your least favourite parts of SVT, not because you were against hard partying or anything, but because you were a self confessed lightweight and more than often ended up doing or saying something you would regret the next morning. Like your two friends would ever let that excuse slide as a reason to miss a night out though.

“Game time!” A tipsy Jeonghan calls out; it was towards the end of the night, the remaining partygoers being the SVT members and a few other friends you’d grown close to. According to Hoshi this was the best time to play drinking games, claiming it was always more fun when you actually knew the people playing.

“What is it tonight?” You ask, sinking down in a spot next to Mingyu on one of the sofas. You’d grown close to a lot of the members of SVT, spending more and more time with them all rather than just your two childhood friends. “Seven Minutes in heaven!” Jeonghan announces, steadying himself against a chair as he reaches into one of Vernon’s beanies he was holding, “all of our names are in the hat, whatever pair gets pulled out has to spend seven minutes together in heaven!” “The storage closet,” Joshua clarifies, cheeks flushing when Jeonghan reaches out from next to him and pets his hair.

“Yes! First couple to enter the pearly gates…” Han swirls his hand inside the beanie for a second before pulling out the first paper, “...Y/N!” He shouts happily, Mingyu nudging your shoulder playfully and sipping on his drink while across the circle of people Seungkwan laughs a quick “finally, she needs some action,” earning himself a glare from you.

“Okay and joining miss Y/N is….” repeating his actions, Jeonghan pulls out another slip of paper, “Seokmin!!”To your right you can see Seokmin embarrassingly look down as the people next to him start ‘ooh-ing’ and nudging him up. It’s not that you didn’t like Seokmin, you did, a lot actually. He was always hanging out with Hoshi and Seungkwan; made them laugh and always seemed to wear a smile on that handsome face of his. Except when it came to you. It was as if he didn’t like you very much and you had no idea why. The next seven minutes were going to be very awkward. The storage closet was cramped and dark. You didn’t know what to do, Seokmin standing less than a foot away from you, his breath fanning your face gently in the small room.

“This is awkward,” he suddenly says, breaking the silence that had been lingering for the last minute and a half.“Very,” you agree quickly, which pulls a small giggle from the man opposite you, “we could make out?” You joke, not expecting anything but more just to break the tension. “Sure,” even in the dark Seokmin must have spotted your eyes widening in surprise because once again he giggles, “I’m kidding Y/N calm down.

”You sigh a soft ‘oh’ which must have sounded something like disappointment, because in the next second Seokmin has his body pressing you into the door, face slowly moving to hover over your own.

“Unless you want to Y/N?” He whispers, and suddenly you’re aware of just how warm it is in here. “I would be lying if I said I didn’t, and you look amazing tonight,” he whispers into your ear, lips dangerously close to your neck, sending goose bumps across your entire body.

“We only have a few minutes left,” you mumble half-heartedly, attention focused on how one of Seok’s thighs had started sliding in between your legs.

“That’s okay,” he says back, hands moving up to cradle your face before he leans in for a soft kiss. Moving his lips against your own so delicately at first, becoming harder and deeper the more you respond. In no time you’re rutting against his thigh as Seok sucks and pulls at your bottom lip, his hands finding purchase in the back pockets of your jeans. It’s hot and needy how you both grab and push against each other; too entranced in the heavy make out to register when Jeonghan swings open the closet door, revealing the pair of you to the rest of the room. Behind Jeonghan you can hear people hooting and hollering at the scene; usually you’d be embarrassed and pull away to hide in some dark corner till it passes; but without missing a beat Seokmin grabs onto your thighs and lifts you up, carrying you out past the rest of the party and up the stairs, all without breaking apart from the kiss. The whole move sending a warm feeling straight between your legs; while behind you your friends start drunkenly cheering the pair of you on.

Once you were inside his room, Seokmin gently put you down in favour of once again pressing you into the door with his body.

“Do you want this?” he asked tentatively, hands squeezing the flesh of your hips as he rolled his own into yours.

“I want this,” you whisper back, reaching up to tug at his hair, causing him to pull away from the door and lie you down on his bed.

It’s fair to say that you were both still buzzed from drinking at the party, but the feeling of Seokmin’s fingers dancing across your skin as he removed each item of your clothing was leaving you far more intoxicated than any drink could have.

He leaned back on his knees and started pulling off his own clothes, eyes hungrily scanning your body beneath him. You’d never seen that look of pure lust in his eyes before. Seokmin was always the happy, smiley sunshine of the SVT house; but this version of him excited you. The way he was watching you sent shivers down your spine and left you pining for more, desperately clawing at his thighs that were keeping you caged beneath him. “Seok,” you whine, his hands teasing your breasts, legs trapping you down on the bed, “Seok, please,” your voice is hoarse as you moan out for him again.

“What is it baby? What do you want?” He squeezes your breasts again coaxing another moan to fall from your lips, “Do you want me?” he leans down to leave kisses across your chest and you reach up tug at his hair again. It didn’t take long before he was inside of you; both of your hips moving in tandem as you chased your highs. His lips sucking dark bruises on to your neck while your hands scraped down his back. It was quick and hazy and sweaty and hot. Before long you were both clutching desperately at each other, trying to come down from your orgasms. ---You wake up to the feeling of heavy arms wrapped around your waist; when you turn your head and see a sleeping Seokmin lying behind you, suddenly all of the previous nights events come rushing back. If you weren’t trapped beneath the weight of Seokmin’s arms holding you against his chest, you would have for sure made a run for it by now, trying to avoid the embarrassment that comes along with hooking up with one of your kind-of friends. Every time you tried to wiggle yourself free his grip only tightened, burying his nose in the back of your hair you heard him whisper a soft “not yet,” so you stopped trying.

“Seok,” you call out eventually, feeling his fingers starting to twitch awake against your stomach, “Seok I should leave now.” At that you felt him shift. Seokmin rolls over onto his back, finally releasing you from his hold.

“What time is it?” he asks sleepily, rubbing his eyes before looking over you. All at once the memories of the night before fill his mind as you see his eyes widen and mouth gape open at you. “Oh my god we…” he stutters out and you nod along in just as much shock, “we had sex.”

“Yeah… we did, umm,” moving to sit up you wrap the duvet around your self, bracing for your inevitably awkward exit, but before you can go Seokmin stops you.

“This doesn’t have to be weird now right?”

“Huh?” you answer, turning back towards him.

“This,” he gestures between the two of you, “It doesn’t have to be weird. I mean, from what I remember, last night was amazing and I wouldn’t want things to be awkward now.”

“I’m not...looking for anything right now,” you say, the thought of repeating last night becoming all the more tempting the longer you stayed in his bed.

“Me neither,” Seokmin shrugs, acting so nonchalant about the entire thing as if it really wasn’t a big deal, “but that was too good to just happen once right? At least for me.” You watch how he sits up to mirror you, not being able to stop your eyes from peeking at his exposed abs as he moves.

“So like.. A friends with benefits type thing?” You look at him hesitantly.

“Yeah,” shifting his weight, Seokmin moves closer to you on the bed.

“No feelings?”

“No feelings,” he agrees. After a beat of just staring at each other, trying to decide if you were really going to go through with this, you both burst out in a fit of giggles.

“Okay,” you whisper. Seok holds out his hand to fist-bump with you and he whispers a soft ‘okay’ back.

---

The ‘no feelings’ agreement you had with Seokmin had been going great. More than great really. You found that having a constant form of ‘stress relief’ in the way of your hot friend was just what you needed. Anytime things were getting a little too much with school, you had each other and would simply fuck the stress out. Seokmin and you had grown closer as friends too; it wasn’t awkward anymore whenever he was around you and the other guys, at least it didn’t feel like he hated you anymore.

Seokmin was waiting for you outside your classroom after one of your late night lectures; leaning against the wall playing on his phone, his face beaming up at you when he spotted you leaving the classroom. It had almost felt natural when he reached out and grabbed your hand, walking you to his car and offering you a lift home. You sucked him off in the car park and then spent the ride back to your dorm telling each other about your respective days.

You even started enjoying the SVT parties a little more; not to say that that was because you were guaranteed to get lucky at the end of the night…. But it most definitely was.

You spent the night sticking close with Seokmin and your two best friends; enjoying the buzz of alcohol and booming music. When things start coming to an end and your body’s warm from the drinks you’d been downing, Seokmin insists on walking you home instead of sticking around for whatever party game Jeonghan was dragging everyone in to. He holds you close, tucking you under his arm while walking you across campus, even going as far as to help tuck you in to bed when you’re too wasted to get yourself there.

A few months into the new arrangement, Seok had asked you to help tutor him in math, insisting that he’d only be able to focus if it was you helping him. When you showed up to the house, books at the ready and more than prepared for a quiet evening of studying; you should have expected that Seokmin’s idea of ‘studying’ consisted of you straddling his lap and sucking a new hickey on to his neck for every answer he got right. Your tutoring sessions rarely ended without you both rolling around in the sheets, sweaty and pressed together.

The new-found closeness between you and Seokmin hadn’t gone unnoticed by the rest of group either. More than once Jun and Jeonghan had teased the pair of you for how close you’d grown; pointing out that you spent most of your time at the house sitting in Seok’s lap while he absentmindedly toyed with the edges of your clothes. You both continue to deny it meant anything, no feelings, but the longer it went on the more awkward it was becoming. Yet, you still couldn’t keep away from each other.

While on the surface Seokmin appeared to be keeping the ‘no feelings’ deal too; not even he could deny that things were changing. He found himself being more openly affectionate with you, wanting to hold your hand; touch your face; run his fingers through your hair. You were lying on your stomach facing away from him one night after a tutoring night, the bare skin of your back illuminated by moonlight while he makes finger shadows dance on your skin when he first feels it. The indisputable need to keep you close to him; the feeling of his heart pulling towards your own - but he ignores it.

The next morning you’re both grabbing coffee at a cafe before class; “coconut latte?” he asks, squeezing your hand slightly, that by now seemed to permanently be in his.

“Oh, yes please,” you answer, cheeks warming when he smiles down at you. Even after months it still makes your heart flutter when he remembers something as trivial as your coffee order; mind flashing back to before when he’d awkwardly leave a room the moment you arrived. It’s the giggle that comes from the barista that knocks you out of your daze and suddenly all feelings of warmth are gone. Seeing the way Seokmin so effortlessly flirts with the pretty blonde as she makes your drinks; you feel a pang in your chest but don’t pay attention to it. He had every right to flirt with whomever he wants - you just wished he wasn’t still holding your hand while he did it.

---

You were weary that spending so much time with Seokmin lately had left you neglecting some of your other friends; so you’d decided to dedicate the day to Joshua and Jeonghan, binge watching cartoons and catching up with each other.

“Ask her,” Joshua urges Jeonghan, nudging his boyfriend’s arm not-so discreetly next to you.

“Ask me what?”

“Joshua wants you to come on a double date with us and his friend,” Jeonghan starts but Joshua soon takes over when they see you start to shake your head.

“C’mon Y/N, Taehyung is really nice and I kinda already promised,” You scoff at the two boys and roll your eyes. There was nothing stopping you from going on dates, but it still felt weird.

“You’re single remember, no feelings,” Jeonghan coaxes, as if he could read your mind, mimicking the countless times you’d tried to convince him of your ‘deal’, “Just one night?”

“We’ll be there the whole time,” Joshua continues and you can’t find an excuse to say no. Maybe this would help you ignore the pang in your chest that hadn’t really left since the morning? Maybe this would be a good thing?

Later that night, you’re sitting in Seokmin’s lap in your dorm, feeding each other takeout and talking about your days. Trying not to focus on how his hand was stroking your thigh higher and higher with every story he told; or the way it was making your heartbeat speed up - you bring up the date.

“So I was with Josh and Han earlier,” you start, not sure why you’re suddenly nervous to tell him, “They’ve set me up on a double date type thing with one of Josh’s friends,”

“Really?” Seok asks, seemingly unbothered as he just nods along and continues to eat his food, “That sounds fun you should go.”

“So...you’re okay with it?” You weren’t sure what kind of reaction you were hoping for, but no reaction was just as bad.

Finally looking up at you he smiles, “Of course,” he’s sincere, encouraging you to go and for some reason that leaves a sour taste in your mouth and you’re suddenly not very hungry anymore.

“Okay cool, um,” you don’t know why you feel like crying, but you do know that you want to be alone, “I forgot I have this really important paper to write so I think I should get on that,” it’s a weak excuse but Seokmin doesn’t seem to notice, only helping you off his lap so he can grab his things.

“Yeah okay, you should get it done before your date so you’re not worrying about it” he jokes and you force out a small laugh with him.

Once he had left and you were alone, you felt the full force of your heart squeezing in on itself, but again, you ignored it.

---

Dinner and movie. It was Joshua’s idea for the date and you were more than happy to go along with it, having wanted to see the latest Marvel movie anyway. The theatre was crowded with people all hurrying to get good seats while the four of you were standing in a cue to get snacks, when beside you somewhere there’s a loud cough, drawing your attention.

“Seokmin?”

He turns around with red ears, feigning innocence as he walks over to your group, “Y/N? Guys, wow what a coincidence!” You weren’t buying his act for a second but rather than cause a scene, you just stand there in shock as Seokmin introduces himself to your date, “Hi I’m Seokmin, you must be Taehyung?”

“Yeah it’s nice to meet you, we were actually just about to see the new Marvel movie so,” Taehyung was polite and cordial, not picking up on the way Seokmin had his eyes fixed on you and you alone.

“No way me too! I’ll join you guys!” The line had moved along just as he had decided to crash your date, “here I’ll get your popcorn Y/N, sweet right?” before any of you could turn him away, Seokmin was already at the counter. You sent an apologetic smile to Taehyung while Joshua and Jeonghan were trying to hide their giggles at the obviously awkward situation.

“Seok we’re actually,” you start to turn him down but Taehyung quickly grabs your hand and whispers that it’s okay, smiling at you warmly and ignoring the glare he was getting from Seokmin.

“Great!” Seok interrupts, “let’s go in then!” and suddenly he was wrapping an arm around your shoulders and leading you into the screening room.

The movie isn’t any better. With Seokmin constantly keeping a hand on you regardless of how many times you shook him off. Whenever Taehyung offered you some of his snacks Seok would lean over from the other side of you and grab some too. It was embarrassing, while Taehyung didn’t seem to notice too much, it was grating on you.

After the movie you had all planned on going to grab burgers from the neighbouring diner, and of course, Seokmin invited himself along too.

You tried to make conversation with Taehyung, asking him about his classes and interests, but it wasn’t too long before Seok had intervened yet again, quickly taking the seat beside you, forcing Taehyung to sit opposite next to Han and Joshua.

“So you’re an art major, what made you choose that?” you ask, munching on a few fries and trying to ignore Seokmin’s hand that was resting on your thigh.

“Well I’m a big fan of..”

“Here Y/N you need to eat,” Seokmin interrupts the conversation, giving you some of his fries.

“Thanks,” you turn back to Tae apologetically and urge him to continue, “You’re a fan of??”

“Van Gogh, his work really inspired me to..”

“Y/N try this, it tastes just like Mingyu’s homemade milkshakes,” again Seok interrupts him, shoving his drink in your face to feed you a sip.

Every time you and Taehyung started a conversation, Seokmin found a way to butt in and take your attention. You were mortified, embarrassed and pissed. He had told you, no, encouraged, you to go on this date; now he was making it his mission to ruin it.

After you all finished your food, you grabbed Taehyung on the way out and apologised profusely.

“He’s not usually like...that,” you shuffle on your feet and thank god that Han was keeping Seok away from you because you knew that he’d try and ruin your apology too.

“It’s okay Y/N,” Taehyung giggles and you wish you could believe that he was telling the truth, “I had a good time,” he’s definitely lying.

“I really am..” again you try to apologise but then…

“Y/N I’ll drive you back to your dorm, come on!” Seokmin shouts out.

“..Sorry,” sighing in defeat, you give Taehyung what feels like the hundredth apologetic smile of the night before slowly walking away from him.

You don’t speak the entire car ride. Neither does Seokmin, but even if he had you were far to angry and upset with him to listen anyway. He’d embarrassed you and been rude to your date; showing up out of nowhere and inviting himself along; deliberately jumping into conversations to stop you talking to Taehyung - who was perfectly nice, polite and understanding by the way; which only made you feel worse.

When he finally pulls up outside your building, you waste no time before getting out and slamming the car door shut behind you; not wanting to spend another moment in silence with him.

“Y/N please talk to me,” you can hear Seokmin following behind you as you enter your dorm but you don’t stop. “Y/N” he calls out again, grabbing your arm just before you can slam your bedroom door in his face.

“What! What is it Seok, what do you want!?” you yell out angrily, pulling your arm out of his grip and staring him down. Your gaze is icy and for a moment Seokmin hesitates, seeing how upset you are.

“Talk to me,” he says weakly, knowing full well that you don’t want to be anywhere near him right now.

“Get Out.”

“Y/N please,”

“Get the hell out!” You’re far too tired from dealing with him all day to have this conversation, all you want is to fall asleep and pretend everything is fine. You push his shoulders harshly, moving him from the door just enough for you to slam it shut.

It must have been a few hours later when you felt the bed behind you dip; knowing who it was you kept your eyes closed, not bothering to turn around.

“I thought I told you to get out?” you mumble half asleep, feeling hands wrap around your waist and lips press to the back of your neck.

“You didn’t say I couldn’t come back,” Seok whispers into your hair, making you scoff in disbelief, “I really am sorry, please don’t be mad.” As much as you wanted to roll over and kick him out of your apartment again, it felt too warm, too familiar, being wrapped in his embrace to move.

“I’m not mad anymore, I’m just confused,” you confess, turning around in his hold so you were face to face, “you told me to go?”

He brushes your hair out of your face, snuggling in as close as possible, whispering “I know, I’m so sorry,” before kissing you gently on the nose. You still had so many questions but you were simply to worn out to even think about them right now, not when Seok was holding you tightly to his chest, planting soft kisses all over your face and whispering apologies.

---

Seokmin spends the next day doting over you, desperately trying to make up for ruining your date. You’re both still lying in bed, tangled up in sheets after a busy morning of Seok making it up to you; when your phone buzzes.

> Hey, I was wondering if you maybe wanted to try last night again? Just the two of us?

> This is Taehyung by the way… Joshua gave me your number :)

> Heyy, yeah I would love that, just text me a time and place x

“You’re going out with him again?” Seokmin’s annoyed voice rings out from beside you, he’d clearly seen the message exchange and his sudden change in attitude showed he was not happy about it.

“Yeah, I think I kind of owe him after yesterday don’t you?” you answer back, not holding back on the attitude of your own.

Seokmin rolls his eyes in aggravation and gets up from the bed, not looking at you as he quickly gets dressed, “yeah you’re right.”

“Are you seriously mad about it?” you ask, not sure what answer you want to hear from him, but more focused on how quickly his mood had shifted at the mention of Taehyung.

“No Y/N why would I be mad?” he says flatly, still avoiding your eyes, now buttoning up his shirt.

“Okay then what’s with the face?” you don’t want to argue with him, but you can’t help being annoyed by his behaviour. First he tells you to go on the date; then he gets mad; then he apologises; and now he was mad again - and all over what? You wouldn’t have gone in the first place if he had said he had a problem with it; but he insisted, so why was it now a problem again?

“I have to go,” he didn’t answer you question, simply walking out and ignoring you calls for him, “enjoy your date.”

You didn’t.

Taehyung had brought you to a quaint little coffee shop downtown. He is the perfect gentleman; paying for your latte; pulling out your chair - he makes small talk with you and pretends not to notice how you’re staring at the door every two seconds, as if you were waiting for someone to show up. Which you were. Somewhere at the back of your mind you had thought that maybe Seok would show up again, but he didn’t.

---

It’d been two weeks since you’d last seen Seokmin. You were giving each other the cold shoulder; not talking, not hanging out; if you were with Seungkwan he was with Hoshi and visa versa. It was a huge shock to the system, waking up alone after months of being woken up with kisses; but you were stubborn enough to hold your ground through it.

Seungkwan and Hoshi were starting to worry about you; by avoiding Seokmin you were also avoiding going to the SVT, meaning you hardly saw your two best friends. Time and time again they tried to talk you both out of it, convince you to talk it out but neither one of you was willing to budge.

“Okay enough is enough!” Seungkwan burst into your dorm room, stopping in front of you blocking the tv, “Y/N talk to Seokmin.”

You continue shovelling cereal strait out of the box into your mouth, completely ignoring your friends outburst.

“Y/N!” He yells, throwing a pillow from the sofa at you, “Talk. To. Seok!”

“Nope,” you grab another handful of frosted flakes out of the box, leaning to the side so you can see the tv again.

“You have to! He misses you! You miss him! No more fighting!”

“I do not miss him!” You argue and Seungkwan looks at you like you’re crazy.

“Y/N you’re home alone on a Friday night, eating cereal out of the box and binge watching dance moms… did you even brush your hair today?” When you don’t answer Seungkwan takes a deep breath and kneels down in front of you.

“Look, I know you both had this whole no feelings deal going on, but don’t tell me you don’t feel anything for him,”

“Of course I do, he’s my friend Kwan,” you try to defend but Seungkwan just shakes his head.

“No Y/N, he’s more than that and you know it, and you may not see it but you mean more to him too. You both broke your deal,” he giggles, putting a hand on your knee trying to help you admit what you’ve known deep down all along. “Pretending is hurting you more.”

With glassy eyes you look up at your best friend, feeling the walls you’d had built around your heart for months slowly start to crumble, feelings flooding through you entire body like a dam had broken inside your chest and suddenly you can’t keep the tears in anymore.

“It’s…it’s too late,” you shake your head, letting out the most heart-breaking sob that Seungkwan had ever heard, he felt his own heart squeeze watching you fall apart.

“It’s not too late Y/N,” he rubs soothing circles on your knees, “you just have to tell him.”

—-

Seungkwan drove you over to the SVT house, helping you build the courage to go confront your feelings for Seokmin head on. The staircase up to his room feels never ending as you try and take it one at a time. Where you really going to do this? Confess after not speaking for weeks? The gathering crowd of members at the bottom of the stairs weren’t exactly giving you much of a choice, they were blocking the escape route.

When you walk in, Seokmin is lying on the bed facing away from you, “go away Seungkwan, I don’t want to go talk to her.”

“What if I came to you?” You whisper, not being able to force your voice any louder out of nerves. He jumps at your voice, not expecting you to be standing there at the foot of his bed. You were fiddling with your fingers and could see he was trying to find something to say - but you had to say it before you chickened out.

“I know you don’t want to talk to me but just listen,” you hold your hands up to stop him from moving any closer or saying anything that could stop you, “I messed up. We said there’d be no feelings and for a long time I think I convinced myself that there wasn’t, but then you crashed my date and I was so mad at you because I couldn’t even give this other guy a chance without feeling guilty; then I spent the whole second date waiting for you to show up again. I can’t stop thinking about you. I miss waking up in your arms; I miss hearing you singing in my shower. I have feelings for you and I think you have feelings for me too, otherwise crashing that date was a really shitty move…”

Before you can keep rambling on, Seokmin rushes across the room and crashes his lips against yours. Holding your face in his hands so gently but kissing you like his life depended on it. It took you a second to get over the shock of feeling him so close again before you responded, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him down deeper into the kiss.

When you both finally broke away, out of breath and foreheads pressed together, Seokmin reaches out to wipe away the stray tears that were falling down your cheeks, ignoring his own.

“We are so stupid,” he whispers, “I think I’ve loved you this entire time, I was just too stupid to do anything about it.”

With a soft giggle you wipe his cheeks too, “no feelings” you scoff, “what were we thinking?”

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strawberryspeachy · 4 years

Text

I have so many time periods in my life that were fucking miserable (my whole life so lol) but most of them im like

Man. I wish i could go back with the knowledge i have now and change shit

But my senior year of college still takes the cake. I would not repeat that fucking year given the chance. I legit for real am npt exaggerating at all when i say I HAVE NO IDEA HOW I GRADUATED. What strength i had. How did i do it??

I lost all of my friends. I lived with girls who made me feel worse about myself. My classes were super difficult and busy. My mom had finally admitted to me that she knew she was forgetting things.

I BECAME bulimic. That wasnt something i did before that year. Bulimic to the point where if i ate more than one peice or bread i felt guilty. Sometimes i coild rationalize to myself that i ate a healthy and appropriate meal but after 20 minutes id start panicking. That i HAD TO go throw it up. I HAD TO. if i didnt id regret it so i hadddd toooo

I didnt eat some days

And it went beyond the point of. All i have is my skinny body. It went to i hate myself and my life and i deserve to suffer. I dont deserve food. If i keep doing this maybe my body will fuck up enough that i die.

And speaking of death. It was the first time i fully tried to kill myself. I played with the idea before. Id do risky things on the off chance that id die doing it. Sometimes risky enough that i was surprised i even did it and got really scared afterwards thinking about ever doing them again. But id never made a plan. Got materials. And tried and fell asleep thinking id really never wake up. And i did it a couple times. And honestly i think i killed a part of me that year.

I cried all the time. I was just a zombie with a painted smile on my face so i could get help in class from other people. But i never actually smiled. And the second i walked in my room id start crying. All that bottled up energy released. And there was too much.

I used to fall out of my chair cause i was crying so much and id just roll around on the floor and then yell at myself to get my ass back in the chair and to keep studying. And i did. And id keep crying. And i kept studying.

And i took adderal several times a week. It wasnt even working. But it had a crack effect on me and would make me really happy and optimistic for no reason

I dont remember ever feeling confident in my studys. I walked into every exam terrifyed.

I was scared the entire year that i was gonna fail.

I was so out of it that i didnt even notice the stress permanently altered my apperance. Eveyone said i grew up. No the stress aged me. I didnt notice my hair fell out or how my chin seemed to grow. Or how my skin greyed

Theres no way to make thay year better. That was an awful year.

I have no point in this.

Just like that year and the two following it... which... issss 2014-2015-2016 to 2017

Like id completed three years of college. I had to graduate. I couldnt get out of that with a clear mind. And then coming home. None of my friends lived at home. I couldnt find a job. I took what i could get. I couldnt leave home. I had to stay for my mom. I had to and i wanted to.

Im thinking about it cause i could have immediately came to japan out of college. And i knew it then. I chose not to. I wanted to go home and be with my mom. And my family made that a nightmare. And watching her and taking care of her while she went downhill... i dont think ill be able to face those feelings... for many years to come. (I mean hopefilly not if i died while writing this id be happy) but theres really no getting around the fact that having completed my finance degree in college. My only choice was to end up as a server

My 13 year old dog died. My 18 year old cat died. My mom was shitting all over the house and refusing to sleep or eat. The woman who i hated so much that i went to work early and smiled while offering to stay later because “at least im not at home” finally died.

One day she told me she was gonna kick me out of the house (for the zillionth time) she screamed and yelled at me. And i went to work. And i came home and she was standing outside of the front door. I thought about continuing to drive and coming back later when shed moved. But for whatever reason i stopped and got out still hoping shed be gone by the time i walked up. She wasnt. She didnt even notice i was there. I was tempted to walk past her and go in. But i didnt. I asked her what was wrong. She said she could take the step to the sidewalk. And i helped her. And she rambled to me about how she thought shed be stuck there all night and how she didnt know what was wrong. The last time i saw her she had been screaming at me about how im a worthless spoiled lazy rude mean old adult acting like a baby. So. I really didnt have much sympathy to give her. I couldnt even talk. I was still mad. She thanked me. I said she was welcome. Thats all i remember. That was about 3 months before she died. If i went back to that exact moment knowing that information. I honestly dont think id change anything... she was.... so mean... so needlessly mean... im still mad about every time i was mad at her

Unlike my mom. Who i dreamed about this week. I had a dream that i was home just living my regular life in high school. And i did something. And my mom was yelling at me. And we got into an argument. Just one of those nonsense arguments that dont mean much. And in my dream i was like ugh my moms so annoying. And i woke up. And i miss her so much. What i wouldnt do to listen to my mom yell at me about something like taking too long to get ready. Or putting something in the wrong place. Or forgetting to do some chore she asked me to do. My mom with her fully functioning brain yelling at me because ive inconvenienced some plan that she has made for hersef that day. Thats shes fully capable of doing herself. And will do no matter what anyone says cause you dont mess with her schedule - you work with it.

I actually woke up and smiled. When you grow up do you ever think youll think about your parent full blown going off on you about something kinda dumb would ever make you smile...

Anyhow... that boy at work i like. I tried to be cute. He said he texts his friends back when he wants to when i pestered him about having not responded to my mesage. I was like

Oh thats the second time youve called me your friend! :) were friends :D

I just wanted a chuckle and for him to say yea yea were friends

But instead.... he said no. Were coworkers.

And i said you can be friends with your coworkers

Which led to a super long.... turned into argument...

Where he told me no. He doesnt need more friends. He only talks to me because he has to. He doesnt like me. He doesnt want to talk to me. He doesnt like when he has to talk to me. He has plenty of time to hang out with friends but not me cause im not his friend and he does not want to hang out with me. Dont ask him questions. Dont talk to him for more than a minute. He only said yes to hanging out with me because i was new to the country. His girlfriend didnt want him to and he decided he didnt want to after thinking about it. He wont change his mind. And he got really mad while telling me that his dumbass gf gets mad when i text him. And that he doesnt wanna talk to me out of work and at work only about work nothing else.

Most of that was unprovoked information. Like.. a quarter of it came from my “so were friends?” Remark. Another quarter of it came from my “coworkers can become friends” remark. And given half of it.... i brought up that he liked talking to me enough that he said he wanted to hang out with me - so you fan guess what quarter of the information came from that... oh sorry did i say quarters. I guess i meant thirds.

Extra shitty cause its a big jump from the boy who was engaging in actual conversation with me yesterday and moved so close to me that he was cms away from resting his head on me shoulder. Many times. Actually over the past couple days.

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