#but ill get thru it i guess

[sammyloomis]

this horrible cycle of not wanting to think about what im gonna do after i do my final hand in on friday, vs knowing that i have to because i need to start looking for a job, but not wanting to because thats so terrifying and im not ready to do that again, but if i dont start thinking about my future or i wont Have a future oh AGONY

#ash.txt #when will the cycle end!!!!!!!!! WHEN!!!! #im not emotionally ready to have my art evaluated at an industry standard #and be told that its not good enough to get me a job #im already in a fragile place about it as is #this is gonna be a rough few weeks team hhh #but ill get thru it i guess #by hook or by crook

[puppyeared]

axolotl

#covers my face. this is dumb theyre dumb idk what was going thru my mind making this.h #i like this brush tho i think ill keep using it #i had this thought awhile ago that axolotls kind of remind me of macs ears. and i had a nice thought that if wukong ever saw one #he'd say the same thing. and thats why im sitting here with my head in my hands #macaque doesnt know if hes embarassed amused or straight up smitten. its all 3 #i have such a hard time drawing necks and shoulders.. mac is supposed to kind of hunch up his shoulders #the way some ppl do when they bow their neck down kind oflike. defensive-tucking in position when theyre making themselves small #i cant really get it to look right so it kinda looks like his head is sunken too close to his shoulders. so i guess ill keep practising #maybe if i brought his head closer to the collarbone it will look better. but i struggle with foreshortening so theres a chance itll #just look like his neck starts at the collar. ughhh #god have mercy if i ever draw hugs. i hate positioning the shoulder i hate hate hate it. 10 dead 17 injured #i have new design note ideas for em but ill post another time #myart #doodles #lego monkie kid #lmk #monkie kid #shadowpeach #lmk sun wukong #lmk swk #lmk macaque #lmk six eared macaque #lmk liu er mihou

[landgraabbed]

#p #tesiii #retiring my old tag ig #guess who has a mod load working! #and its the smoothest ive ever had it #combing thru mod lists and such to make sure i didnt miss anything but yeah. i done did it!! 95% of it at least #i do wish there was an updated grass mod for tr but ill cross that bridge when i get there. even if i have to gen the grass myself

[dustykneed]

you are my sunshine, my only sunshine

you make me happy when skies are gray

(prompt fill for @mcspirkevents' mcspirk bingo prompt "gone with the wind".)

static frames below:

ouch! neck deep in aos bones feels rn... lmk if i should make a fix-it or somethin

#yeah so yesterday i said id try not to get distracted.. Guess how well that went LMAO #SORRY BONES hes going thru it in this one but literally this is all aos canon. aos is so mean to him and for what #not a single drop of closure... tos bones would flip shit if he found out. Thats the real reason why bones prime never shows up in aos #YEAH BTW PLEASE LOOK AT THE STATIC FRAMES PROCREATE HAS A ASTRONOMIC GRUDGE AGAINST THE 3RD SLIDE FOR SOME REASON #it would NOT stop crunching that one single GODDAMN FRAME in the gif. like full on colour blowout. like WHAT DID IT EVER DO TO YOU #YEAH SO I HAD TO SCREENSHOT IT AND PUT THAT IN THE GIF. EXCEPT MY IPAD SCREENSHOTS THINGS WEIRD. so its CONSPICUOUSLY BRIGHT #the 3rd and 4th frames are meant to have the same background color. every time i watch the gif i am filled with unimaginable rage #WHAT DID THAT FRAME EVER DO TO MY IPAD. what unforgivable crimes did it ever commit to be disrespected like this #ok rant over tags now :)) #star trek #star trek aos #star trek fanart #mcspirk bingo #mcspirk #mcspirk fanart #spones #mckirk #spirk #star trek alternate original series #aos #spones fanart #leonard mccoy #bones mccoy #spock #jim kirk #did not use a single ref so the fact that the uniforms are reasonably legible as aos is a win (not like i use refs for anything else lol) #spirk is holding hands in that last frame!! gay people moment #OH AND I DID THIS IN LIKE. AROUND 3 HOURS? ive been meaning to draw that first frame for ages now so YIPPEEEEE #i did have a different caption in mind tho. Guess ill redraw it in the future LMAO #dust medibang paints

[milkweedman]

Hi, you said in your bio that you're chronically ill. I was wondering if you had any tips for knitting with chronic pain (assuming that's your flavour of chronic illness)? Or do you know anyone who could give me advice?knitting/sewing is my sanity-saver.

I use compression gloves, only knit with specific weights of yarn (the ones that are the least painful for me), and try to take frequent breaks, which for me looks like switching hobbies every 30 minutes or so (knitting to spinning to knitting, etc). I also do my best to be very gentle on my joints when i can, altho i honestly rarely have the choice at work.

Personally i have joint problems and migraines, so thats what im correcting for/trying not to make worse. Helpful advice probably varies depending on what youre trying to correct for. Really my only general advice is "when it starts to hurt, try to stop" and "if possible, save the painfully difficult stuff for when youre doing well, and make the easier stuff your usual work"

If anyone who sees this has got other tips please feel free to comment them

#i havent knit socks in a while and i realized my last wrist and thumb issue flare up was the last time i did socks #and also right now when im doing socks again #which is making me think maybe my wrists are better than i thought generally speaking but knitting just destroys them #socks specifically i tend to zone out with and ignore pain signals #idk what to do with that info tho. i guess knit fewer socks :( #anyway there may be some things like that which you can save for when youre feeling comparatively well #but chronic pain isnt actually my issue and i can and will work thru pain to the continual degradation of my joints #so rly the joints getting worse is what my problem is #so i dont know how much if any of this is helpful to you #sorry im replying right before i need to leave for work and thru a migraine so. might try and think of something more helpful and update #my answer #chronic illness

[opens-up-4-nobody]

As a stranger on the internet (so feel free to ignore or tell me I'm out of line) you might just be going through a grieving process. It sucks, a lot, and I don't really have any advice other than it will slowly get better, but it might help simply knowing.

Grief is different for everyone, and looks different for everyone too. But either way I hope you feel better soon <3

It's very possible, I just don't want that to be the answer because then I don't know what to do

#it feels more like im using grief as an excuse to not do anything and i find it really upsetting #i just dont kno what to do. i have a lightning talk to give tomorrow and i cant get anywhere bc when i try to get anything done i just start #crying and everything feels like a mess that i have no motivation to clean up #just everything. why did i decide to do this with my life? why couldnt i have chosen a functional career path? #i dont kno what im doing. i dont kno how im going yo get things together for my committee meeting Friday #or how ill get thru it without crying. i dont even kno what i want. i wanna talk to my dad i guess but ive never told anyone in my family #when im having a hard time and i dont kno how to do that without making him worry #ugh. tomorrow's gonna suck. so does today. i just want the semester to be over. but then i cant escape my project. so idk what i want #i want sleep for 1000 years or at least until all my problems are gone #unrelated

[anxiously-sidequesting]

To me personally malistaire is the funniest and most pathetic villain wizard101 has ever had AND I MEAN THAT SINCERELY!!! Between doomed children who have been manipulated, groomed, and isolated into becoming products of their environments, someone scorned who has been punished unfairly by having your biological heart torn out your chest and turning your children and all of reality against you to satiate their own ego, a nonhuman entity so powerful and so clueless they unintentionally threaten the lives of everyone around them, Malistaire FELL DOWN BRO. Like yeah you're bitchless now. You and me both. Get in line. Everyone in this room is bitchless. We are ALL living that ✨💅🏾💃🕺 Single Life™. You are a middle-aged man. Cope

#this post is lighthearted btw JELAJWODJTU i aint actually mad #but like...... malistaire as a villain is kinda mid though im sorry. IM SORRY ill take the L opinion if i have to #its one thing if he lost his wife to unfair systematic negligence or thru someone else's doings or smth but. no she just got sick bro 😐 #HWMSNFLEKSDIDOA EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE I WILL GIVW A BAD OPINION AND THIS IS ONE OF THEM. i cant be right ALL the time /j #like if i dont focus on malistaire's motives and just his ACTIONS he seems super metal #but then he does ALLLLL of that heinous shit because his wife died. like thats absolutely very sad but damn get a grip #(fandom starts breaking in my windows and drags me out into the street) IM SORRY IM SORRY LOOK ITS JUST NOT MY CUP OF TEA #ive never been invested in those Mr. Freeze types of villains where a person they love dies due to normal circumstances- #and they go fucking BERSERK. they LOSE IT. they go like “well okay fuck the entire world i guess nothing matters” and then kill people #LIKE IF IT'S DONE IN A CERTAIN WAY I CAN BE INVESTED but more often than not to me? its just kind of funny #like “okay damn there was only ONE person keeping you from being a national criminal? okay” #and you know what? thats a mood actually. thats a mood #without my cat i probanly would have become the president by now #for some reason its a little diff for me if its like a child you lost and idk why #like if malistaire lost a kid instead of his wife id probably be more inclined to feel bad and thats terribly fucked up JSLSJSJSJ #you know what its also bias because in some shape or form i relate to all the other villains. morganthe and duncan especially #whereas in malitsaire's case i have never been married. which i mean doesnt stop me from tryna be more synpathetic i guess but im just not #ONCE AGAIN FEEL VERY BAD FOR HIM AND SULVIA. like losing someone to sickness or any reason really is a serious thing #but in terms of a fictional setting with fictional characters where one of them decides to commit genocide over it? 🧍 like okay boo u do u #i will gladly give up my mantle for the “most reasonable opinions” guy in the fandom foe this one. i deserve it #wizard101 #w101 #wiz101 #text posts #malistaire drake

[10-dutchies-12-bicycles]

worst sleep quality in Months i cant believe i lived like this for 24 yrs wtf

constantly on the verge of throwing shit, hitting shit, crying OR panicking. or several at once ig. if i see that stupid ad with the cow again ill bite my phone in half. have a pop song stuck in my head which wouldn't be a problem the past few months but today it makes me feel like im in one of those hydraulic press tiktoks. adhd symptoms are back at like half strength? also i have a headache AND some kinda psychosomatic stomachache

#i just. i just need to fucking get thru tpday. and th2n i sleep. then i feel better #just wait for..... uhm. math not working today #ok 14 hrs #mine #guess ill skip volleyball practice today. ok im crying again

[klonoadoortophantomile]

could you draw teardrop for the requests

!!

#scribbles #bfdi #tpot #bfdi teardrop #ask #anon #probbaly gonna get thru requests a lot slower than i expected ive been. swamped with work and #really tired and In Pain. but whatever ill find time to draw eventually (i hope so at least i wanna draw stuff..) #i feel like this looks kinda weird but thats like a whole other weird tabgent rant thing i dont feel like getting into #like. i like how it turned out im just worried it looks off/wonky i guess? idk

[polaraffect]

current state of politics really got me swerving wildly between "yes I want to present as a man" and "oh god is this even worth it maybe I'm not even really trans" and it's bringing me to my limit

#damien.txt #sorry its like 5 am and i havent slept and wanna vent so. here inam #i really do be having a wild time bc ill have like. weeks at a time where ill be like. wait a second. what if im not trans actually #okay well. never in a 'im 100% not trans' way but in a 'maybe i shouldnt transition' way #and then ill have a day where i wake up and go. oh. i think that feeling is just coming from fear about. the current state of trans issues #because oh my FUCKING GOD am i scared like 24/7 bc of that shit #and so like. then im like. maybe i really am like. actually transmasc. fr. bc i like. literally have been feeling it my whole life. #and then i wake up a couple weeks later back at the beginning like hmm....... but..... what if.... #and im so tired of not knowing!! it's fucking exhausting questioning what the fuck is happening w me every 2 seconds #and im being dramatic abt it but idk. i think its a symptom of neurodivergence or something bc im like. so so scared abt being trans atm #at a level that is. certainly unhealthy. #and it really feels like something that is inhibiting me from doing things in life which is like. upsetting y'know! #but at the same time. the concept of going thru life as my birth gender is... bad. sort of inconceivable at this point. #and this is particularly hard bc like. really going back and forth on making decisions abt taking T. bc when i get in these spirals #abt maybe not being trans. i get the urge to not take it. but like. i cant fluctuate w a medicine like that that much! #but at the same time when i go back to being like oh yeah transmasc... my brain is like cool. take T again. so. fuck me i guess. #idk man. im just like. i just want to live my life without being perceived by others actually #my true gender is no one's business <3 thanks #i am. tired.

[stabbylambchop]

Hey uh

anyone here on Art Fight this year or-

Cuz I'm on there, same name and everything. I'm on Team Vampires.

You can like, add me or whatever...I mean, if you want...

I haven't interacted with anyone on here or even really drawn in a couple months, sweet pulsating spider-christ ...

#I KNOW I KNOW I CAN JUST. DO THE THING. BUT I ALSO CAN'T. YKNOW???? #I DON'T KNOW WHERE MY MIND HAS BEEN I DON'T #I'M STILL STRUGGLING WITH HEALTH Y'ALL #and sometimes instead of bouncing back and forth from feeling stable enough to do things and absolute dog shit i just- #-'welp i guess I'll just not do anything! that'll solve all of my problems! I'll get better if i don't do things and just rest and space out #-'WOW I CAN JUST BE ISOLATED AND PATHETIC IN MY ROOM ALL DAY COOL' #like...I EVEN GOT MY PAIN MEDS BACK! AND I QUALIFIED FOR A HIGHER DOSE WHICH IS A MIRACLE BC THIS IS FLORIDA!! #but like. idk. #and it's not like i don't care at all!!! I've missed you guys like fuck!!!! i just feel like I'm so far behind and everyone is on another- #-plane of existence at this point! and the longer it goes the more guilty i feel coming back bc i feel ashamed and lazy... #but i know you guys don't give a shit about at all. and I'm sorry for assuming and being so hard on myself #but also my fandoms are all over the place rn so uh. I'm so sorry LOL #but seriously anyone on art fight?? i really need to get back drawing but it's daunting... #especially since my guess 2 or 3 years were kickass by the last 2 literally no one but my wife interacted with me #one friendly fire from my partner. in two fights. after putting HOURS OF EFFORT THRU CHRONIC PAIN AND ILLNESS into all of those pieces... #i know I didn't draw a fuckton but i just got so discouraged and sad after awhile. and some never even got any attackee comments. #it all felt so damn pointless #but I'm nothing if not a survivor #as Zapp Brannigan once said; 'the spirit is willing but the flesh is spongy and bruised' #I'm a hot fuckin mess but even if i barely get any interaction at all again i can at least say i didn't give up- #and put in effort and love like always. no half-assing with art fight unless it's just me and my wife or a friend doin stupid friendly fires #BUT ANYWAY I STILL WANNA FUCK SLASHERS. IF ANYTHING THERE'S STILL THAT. IT'S STILL ME.

[lanshappycorner]

.

#MANNN so much shit happened today to me and im still thinking abt it even though its probably not that big of a deal #i mean its done and over with and im fine but like #???? i mean im used to people harassing me and stuff in public but ive never had a man straight up try to kill me idk😭 #for context earlier today i was walking home from class and there was a middle aged man kneeling on the sidewalk rummaging thru his backpack #so i walked around him and he suddenly just stood up and grabbed my arm and tried to push me into oncoming traffic #and like i almost fell in and became roadkill but i caught myself in time and got away #and like it probably wasnt that big of a deal but i keep thinking about what wouldve happened if i hadnt reacted in time yknow #im trying to joke abt it whenever i talk to ppl abt it but like when i think abt it for too long i get freaked out #its one thing i think to get verbally harrassed but its another when someone forcefully grabs your arm with the intent to harm you #i can still remember the feeling of being grabbed and its so...ughh its . gross. and very scary #well. it couldve been worse i guess !! ill delete this later i just wanted to dump this here

[lazaruspiss]

wonderful insight past me, thank u

#getting personal in the tags brace urself #oh my god i fucking hate the whole breed of abusers who talk like therapists #or worse! actually go into the field! fuckin hell #man i sure wonder what mightve happened at the beginning of the year that made me write that down #anyways dont trust discord strangers bc its like 50/50 on if theyll turn out to be a fucking ghoul #and hey. this also goes for the ones who talk about being abuse victims. whether or not theyve been abused is irrelevant to how they treat #personal #forgot to put that earlier. lol #maybe im just writing a letter to my past self. just to prove i didnt deserve to be mistreated. none of us deserved that. #that other people hurting you just means they hurt someone and it doesnt say anything about you #whats the stage of grief after rage again. bc i think we went thru the sad and angry already #ill look it up. its fine #3-4 is think about feelings time i guess lol

[jvzebel-x]

🦋

#so i got a message from my sister telling me something rather tragic had happened in our family #on my mom's side. one of my aunties passed away&my little sister let me know. #she also let me know that my mother is taking it really hard&shed probably really like to hear from me. #&its weird bc any sadness i felt about my aunty dying almost completely evaporated upon it becoming a way to guilt me #into talking to my mother-- like i was not almost dead for a long LONG time&she was actively disowning me bc i wasnt sick the right way #after a lifetime of refusing to believe i was sick AT ALL which directly lead to developing cancer she screamed at me in public #that i was lying about before pretending to drive off a cliff&then refusing to pick up her phone until she called me an hour later #after i had been calling not just her but anyone in our family who could possibly check on her to tell me that i never loved her #&i wouldnt have cared if she died&it would have been my fault. #so like. i dont really give a fuck if shes taking a death in the family poorly? like i dont actually fucking care that this-- like literally #everything else-- needs to center my mother's bad feelings. i just fucking dont lmao. #&im really fucking pissed off that i now have to feel like shit bc i dont feel like i properly feel bad #about my family member dying bc IT BECAME ALL ABOUT MY MOTHER IMMEDIATELY. #i do not fucking UNDERSTAND. #i cannot even put into words how this all makes me feel lmao. why. literally fucking why. #the cherry on top? my aunty died of gastric issues. you know. the family curse that i def didnt get so i got to work thru it all #while being called a liar. you know the type of illness that almost killed ME. that might STILL kill me. #but yeah my mom is sad so i should call&make sure to hold her hand like i always fucking did lets just forget an entire lifetime #&esp the last five years thatll be totally cool. #a tragedy happened in the family so fuck all MY tragedies actually i guess.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#its sort of funny. i think my medication is working pretty well. i feel stable in a way i never really have before #is it the dopamine stablizer or is it my ion channels? whos to say. it doesn't matter. but it also doesnt change some things #the ways i think and react negativly to change. but it makes it easier to deal with. i still experience this strange dispaire on the #weekends or anytime im not working. i think the oddest thing is thst i dont think ive ever been this consistenly sad #not in a depressed sort of way. just a passing thoughts make me tear up sort of way. it doesnt feel out of control. it just feels like a #prelude to grief i guess. bc my mum is still in the hospital and its so hard to kno what that means from halfway across the country #my sisters are both home right now. they both live within 3hrs of where we grew up. one sister lives in the city my mom goes to for #treatment. so they have the opportunity to see her more than me. i dunno if they do tho. we dont really talk. i dont kno if they're as sad #as i am. if im overreacting bc i cant physically see what's happening. what the feeling is in the room. not that she would probably complain #shes the suffer in silence type. my dad keeps texting us pics of our shitty lil sunroom that hes redoing #to make my mum a lil sanctuary. he must be sad too. its his wife. hes staying with her in the hospital rn. i dunno its so weird #when i talk to my counselor she assumes i find out info thru calls or talk to my sisters abt it and i gotta b like nah we dont really talk #i get my info thru text. i havent talked to my parents on the phone in like a month. i dunno we just dont talk. so i dont kno how to reach #out and be like yo so whats up? shoulf i plan on coming home this summer for a bit?? like??? #this is the disadvantage of leaving thr place where you grew up. probably when i finish my phd i should move closer to home #somewhere in the Appalachian mountains maybe. somewere in the eastern deciduous forrest. somewhere with thunderstorms. #but thats years from now. who knows what ill b doing. for now im just sad and tired and i dont quite kno what to do in the short or long #term bc im feeling the weight of my mental limitations rather intensely. but maybe im just being self limiting #whatever. i dont have a dead mum yet. shes not even on hospice care. things are just uncertain and dont look so hot #i just dont see how it can get better from here when chemo gave her secondary blood cancer and shes still full of tumors #i dont think im being that dramatic. it just objectively seems not great for survival #unrelated

[wof-kin-culture-is]

darkstalker kin culture is being allergic to strawberries (i am actually allergic to strawberries)

.

#wof culture is #wof kin culture is #wings of fire kin #wof kin #individual culture is #hi omg i am so sorry this didnt get posted WAY earlier #thats totally my bad i actually misremembered our guidelines AND misread this ask + was like 'okay ill deal w that next week' cuz i was bus #+ then i um. didnt. i guess. weve got a lot going on healthwise rn so its hard to keep everything from falling thru the cracks #but that said i do think we came up w a way to keep it from happening again + ty for being patient while we figure this blog out -q