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bivwifeybunny · 2 years

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Romanticism

this is a writing I did 2 months ago and I feel confident enough to post it now. be warned this is a rant and not a fanfiction in any way shape or form. so please proceed with caution.

also note my blog is a safe space and any hate will not be tolerated. my asks and dms are always open if you ever need to rant about things as well. please stay safe and once again, please read all tags and warnings before proceeding with caution

tw: feelings of loneliness, fear of being forgotten, delusions, very unhealthy parasocial relations, bad relationships, unhealthy consummation of media, mentions of harsh self-criticism & self doubt, all of this is all very self-destructive behavior

Loneliness is crushing. It’s all enveloping, disguising itself as a warm hug. Warm hugs leave you feeling happy and well… warm. Loneliness leaves you feeling cold and hollow.

You don’t notice it at first. It’s never the first thing in your mind. But as you get older it changes. You tell yourself it’s fine. You have friends. You’re content with what you have. But as people pass you by you can’t help but feel left alone in the dust. Forgotten.

That’s such an awful word. But I guess it’s accurate. Because when I look deeper into it, it’s not so much the loneliness as it is being forgotten. Unloved.

When fear of being forgotten and loneliness creeps closer, you can’t help but ask yourself if something’s wrong with you. When you ask someone else their answers are always the same.

You’re lucky you haven’t dated yet.

You should wait till you’re older.

It’ll happen eventually.

You don’t need a relationship.

You’ll find someone.

But as the days pass on you can’t help but wonder if that really is the case. Will you find someone? It certainly doesn’t feel like it. As the days turn to weeks, weeks to months, months to years, it honestly feels like it’ll never happen.

You feel unlovable. Especially when you try. When you decide to put yourself out there, take a shot at someone. Only to be rejected.

From my experience there was always someone else. Always someone else that caught their eye. I’ve seen a lot. There’s always a girlfriend or somebody they had a crush on. And there were always the ones who took pity on you. The ones who realized your romantic feelings and decided to humor you.

“Those were the worst 5 minutes of my life.”

He agreed out of pity and couldn’t stand it for any longer than 5 minutes. Not only did he end it so soon, but he verbalized his distaste behind my back. I only found out because his best friend, the one he had told, decided to let me know.

There was the boy who was forced into a “relationship” with me. By my own friends. I know they meant well. They knew of my crush and were only trying to help me out but in doing so led to my ultimate heartbreak when humoring the quiet girl became too much.

And last but certainly not least, was the drummer boy. Living up to the cliche, just not with me. It was certainly a roller coaster. But in the end I couldn’t blame him. I couldn’t. But it always left me thinking it had to be me.

I’m the only constant factor in all of these scenarios. It doesn’t help that I fall hard and fast. Though that aspect has only worsened over time.

It led to this downward spiral of fantasizing romantically about just about anyone on the internet. Real or Fictional. I invested all my time and effort into these fucked up “relationships”. If you could even call them that. I developed an unhealthy obsession with these people. I always brushed it off.

Everyone does it nowadays. I just think they’re hot.

That’s what I told myself to make me feel better. Which in hindsight was not the best choice as it only justified my own actions to myself. This started these self-destructive cycles. Obsess and hyperfixate on these people and characters, “justify” my actions and continue to revolve my entire life around them.

It got bad enough to the point where I’d call it an addiction.

I couldn’t stop.

Constantly turning to places like Tumblr and Ao3 just to fuel my desires and I couldn’t seem to go a day without doing so.

Quarantine in particular really put the nail in the coffin so to speak. I was without my friends and had no way of contacting them. This time the loneliness settled in quicker. This time it didn’t leave.

I spent hours upon hours getting lost in the pages upon pages of fanfiction.

Neglecting my family. My schoolwork. Everything.

And the worst part is it didn’t make me feel better. In fact it did the opposite.

Sure at the time I was reading it, it felt great. I got to escape reality for a while. But afterwards I only felt more anxious and guilty. A heavy weight only sinking further and further into my skin the more I indulged. I couldn’t stop still. It was like a high, a euphoria that I gained. But each word only served to further the guilt and anxiety rooting itself deep within me.

Neglecting my family and schoolwork piled on quickly. I was slipping and I knew it, but it was like I wasn’t in control of my life anymore. I slipped further and further down this path and there was no way I could stop it. If anything, it only increased.

Rushed deadlines, missing out.

It didn’t matter.

It didn’t matter because for a short while the loneliness would subside. The all encapsulating grip of self-doubt loosened.

But it always returned. And returned stronger. To the point where friends weren’t enough anymore. They were barely enough before, but now these feelings only amplified after my time with them. I would leave them with a heavy heart and hollow feeling.

That numb feeling. That was what kept me going back. Searching for a way to feel anything anymore.

I created toxic parasocial relationships. Delusions that made the loneliness go away. It had no place if these delusions were believed to be reality, right? All I needed to do was believe.

And believe I did.

It only spiraled downwards when I discovered streamers.

This took my ideas of parasocial relationships to a new level. They were real people. They could talk and interact with their fans. There was something much more personal than fictitious characters and much more realistic and attainable than celebrities. They participated in fan service for their own personal gain.

It was everything I could ever want. And everything I didn’t need.

Before I knew it things had spiraled so far out of my control, that I couldn’t escape it. They actively put out new content which I consumed at a rapid pace. But every once in a while, when I was back in control. When I could sit back and take a look at the damage, I was left feeling different.

It wasn’t loneliness anymore, not entirely. A new feeling emerged once I stumbled out of my month-long delusions.

Self-doubt and self-critiquing.

Coming out of these delusions didn’t mean I suddenly stopped feeling romantic feelings towards these people, it only meant I was now aware about my fate.

I had no chance with them.

I never did and never will.

There was always still that voice in the back of my head. And even as I’m typing this I hear it.

The voice that says:

You can still have them.

Tempting me back in my delusions. I deny the voice.

I deny, deny, deny until I can no longer bear my own reality and allow myself to slip back into the delusion. To go back to my fantasy world.

During the buildup however, another thing chips away at the thin armor I’ve covered myself in. Along with the thoughts of never being able to be with these people, there’s also the nitpicking. Assuming the type of girl a certain streamer would want to be with and comparing myself.

That step in the process is exactly what spurred me to write this. Just hours ago I was scrutinizing myself in comparison to other women on the internet, inevitably snowballing the smallest imperfections to full on hatred for myself.

Facing the reality of the situation, criticizing myself, denying myself the ability to divulge in the delusion for as long as possible sent me right back into them. The dam finally breaks and I give in. I go back to my world of delusions and fantasy and repeat the cycle again and again and again.

Loneliness. Self-doubt. Self-critiquing. Fear of being forgotten. Fear of being unlovable.

Unlovable.

At this point in time I believe that to be true about myself.

I know people say it’s not true, and that I’m just being dramatic and impatient.

And maybe I am.

But all I know is that this empty feeling, this idea of being unworthy of love is what I feel. And I might not ever escape this cycle I’ve started.

#tw unhealthy parasocial relationships #tw intense feelings of loneliness #tw fear of being forgotten #tw delusion #tw unhealthy coping mechanisms #tw unhealthy relation to media #tw self doubt #tw self criticism #tw self worth #tw self deprecation #tw self destruction

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deberiaestarescribiendo · 3 years

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Bloody is the path for revenge. An Oberyn Martell x GN!reader. Game of thrones Space AU.

#Writer Wednesday 05/05/2021

Thanks again to @autumnleaves1991-blog for this, I’ve never being this prolific in writing in my life and actually have been more consistent in it thanks to this

Summary: King’s Landing is a ruthless place, a big mass of a planet city where the less fortunate tries to survive in the lower levels and the rich thrives on the top playing their dangerous games. Many years ago, the Lannisters claimed the power from the Targaryens killing everyone in their way men, woman and children even if they were innocent of their family’s crimes; Ellia Martell and her children were amongst them, and since then his brother has tried to bring to justice those who ordered her killing. But you know there’s no justice in this world and if Oberyn tries to do anything to the Lannisters they will respond in violence and threatening his life. The life of the one you love the most

Word count: 4,4 k (One day I’ll write something short for Writer Wednesday but today it’s not that day)

Warning: Cannon divergence from the show and the books, violence, mentions of blood, shots, and explosions. +18 SMUT light descriptive sex (mention of penetration, orgasms and kissing but nothing too explicit)

A/N: What the fuck is this? You may ask, well I don’t know what to tell you, my friend. I swear I didn’t smoke anything writing this just thought how to twist a little the image we got for this week. I decided to change Ellia’s murder by the way, she’s shot dead, plain and simple, I’ve always been left with a terrible sensation every time I read/watched the show or books and they mentioned how she died. If you feel the same just know there’s no mention of rape in this or any kind of sexual violence. This is my first time writing for a gender neutral reader PLEASE PLEASE, let me know if there’s some mentions of the readers gender or something I have not seen. The only detail is that Oberyn is bigger and taller than you, the rest is pretty vague.

“Don’t leave me alone in this world”

“Never”

He says that but he kisses you as if it is his last day on earth. His plump lips force yours open until he’s caressing your mouth with his tongue. A moan resounds in his chest over yours and you feel you heart beating fast, he always ignites a fire inside of you as the blazing core of the earth burns and moves creating earthquakes and changing the shape of the earth. And he has change you, shape you into a different person, you’re wilder, more sure of yourself, passionate and freer, embracing all of you without shame. His love has burn you new as a phoenix. So because of it all, you cannot possible let him leave your bed, you cannot let him die or even come close to it. There’s no way.

You open your eyes when he separates himself from you and you see a sweet smile shining on his face, his eyes still close lingering in the pleasure of having kissed you, of being held in your arms, locking your hands on his strong and broad shoulders with the remaining heat between your bodies. You woke up crying, dreaming of blood and violence and before you opened your eyes, he was hugging you so tightly that all you could think and feel was him and his warm skin.

“My love” he whispered in your ear and then you turned desperate to kiss him to feel that he was still there with you

“I had a nightmare that you left me before I woke up” you cried and brought his weight over your body

“Shh, shh” he hushed and kissed your forehead “I’m still here and...” your lips cut whatever he was about to say and you held his handsome face in your arms and then you let your hands wander over his body: his tense muscles, his scars on his tanned skin, he tried to stop you feeling how your tears still rolled over your cheeks but you begged and plead “Love me please, please I need you in me” and he can’t refuse. You made love slowly, deep and precise thrusts, mouth over mouth murmuring sweet nothings and praises. You fell asleep as soon as he finished, feeling so full of him, so relaxed and warm, relishing in the heat he has left in you.

Hours later, you felt how he moved and that he was about to get up, but you reached for his arm and now here you both are, your nails pressing deep on his arms.

“Let it go, please. You can stay with me, find another way. I don’t want you to die”

“Today it’s not the day I die” he smiles at you fondly brushing his knuckles over your face

“You don’t know that” you shake your head, your voice sound squeaky “Those bastards don’t know what honor is, Oberyn, you keep thinking you will find justice. There’s no justice in this dreadful place”

“I will make my own and please, my love, don’t underestimate me. I know my enemy, I’ve known them since they decided to kill my sister and his children, observed them patiently and now it’s time for them to pay for their crimes” when he mentions his family his jaw clenches and his deep eyes somehow become darker glowing with sorrow and anger.

“We could think of other way...”

“There’s no other way”

King’s landing is a massive chunk of metal, of buildings that top one another until the city raises kilometers away from the ground, leaving a clear distinction between the lower levels where the poor people survive and the highest part where the elite look upwards always climbing to the sky above and the stars crushing and stomping on the less fortunate. You’re somehow in the middle of it. You live in a beautiful needle like tower, a golden palace called Sunspear, in the south part of the town from your apartment balcony the impressive domes of the Red Keep shine from afar and your stomach turns.

The gigantic castle is the center of all, a bleeding heart in the middle of the immense planet city and it harbors the Government, the Power, the Judge and Punisher of this terrible place: the Lannisters. A criminal family wrapped up in golden clothes, golden hair and melted gold in their jewels. But criminals nonetheless, just rose in the right moment and killed the right people; one of them your lover’s dear sister, Ellia and her children.

The late rulers of the city, the ones that conquered and settle on this earth on the first place, the Targaryens, ruled with an iron fist with their Dragons technology, metallic robotic beasts that surveyed, killed and control the city without the need of any man and soon only their shadow over the sky made people tremble and any thought of protest, criminal plans or illegal activities remained on the lower slums where they could not reach as freely.

But crime grows like an infection and soon enough there was a Targaryen king that thought that the end justifies the means and that there’s only one way to get rid of a putrid member; amputating it. So the Dragons did control the slums, burning them down to the ground. Those drastic measures had consequences and of course soon the protests against their cruelty grew stronger, and the protests leaded to insurrection and the Lannisters presented themselves as the golden saviors only to be even crueler than those they had usurped.

And those who were related in any way to the Targaryens were killed without a trial, like Ellia, trapped in the Red Keep by an unsatisfactory marriage to one member of the family. And Oberyn tried, ran to the castle to beg mercy for her innocent sister when the Coup succeeded but ended just collecting her corpse. “She was caught in cross fire” they said but her wounds were clearly a mark of an execution, and seeing himself alone in a chaotic world without allies and without enough power, Oberyn waited, observed and mourned, let his rage grow stronger and deep, a pain like thorns in his chest that even though it hurt, it didn’t compromised his kindness.

He found you in that state, a broken man with a warm smile like the sun, and you were a street rat, a slum orphan kid that lost everything even before you were aware of what family, love or possessions meant. You survived however you could, you were not proud of your beginnings, you were not proud of how you met him: trying to rob him.

“I don’t have much, love” he had said, not threaten at all of your weapon pointed at his chest

“You’re one of those top bastards, of course you have. Give me your rings” you blurted. He complied with a smile and tossed the golden rings to you; but the one on his thumb. “All of them” you spat

“This one, if you please, I’d like to keep. It was a gift from somebody that it’s not longer with me” he said and something in your chest moved after years and years of creating a hard armor over your feelings.

“Alright, now empty your pockets” you said bending down to gather his rings and in that he moved faster than you had seen anybody react and in a swift movement he got you cornered on the wall and disarmed.

“You have to always choose your opponents wisely, my sweet” he said really close to your face. You moaned, tried to think that the sound coming from your mouth was out of fear and his bigger and heavy body over yours, but deep down you knew that his amber perfume, his deep voice and those eyes had awaken something else in you. “You look positively famish and neglected of many things, my sweet. Come with me” And you did and you will always follow him since that day. But today he has chosen a path that you cannot keep. Today your fears had come true, you have always think that your love could cure him, that it could be stronger and enough to calm his need for vengeance. But it is not.

History tends to repeat itself and now the Lannisters are suffering the same fate they created for their predecessors. They’re in their lowest point and they’re destroying themselves from within, betraying their own family members, and when Oberyn saw this as his perfect chance to finally plot his vengeance, you saw that dark pain eating the light, the love, the passion and the kindness, dominating everything else that was in his heart. Now he only sees vengeance and the cold blade of justice cutting their throats.

The sun pierces the pollution and the clouds in an orange and pink palette announcing the beginning of a new day and the trial starts at midday. They’re accusing Tyrion, the youngest of the Lannisters’ siblings, and demanding the death penalty for killing the heir to the throne. And Oberyn in a surprising turns of events has accorded to represent him on the trial or that’s what everybody thinks. The oldest law in the planet, one settled since Aegon Targaryen, the conqueror, is that a defendant can have a final statement before his sentence and everything he says in that moment must be taken in to account if he, by any chance, confesses other crimes or accomplices in the crime being judged.

Oberyn could never bring Ellia’s murder to justice but if Tyrion confesses that he heard his father give the order to kill Ellia and her children then he cannot be killed until that crime is investigated and judged thus saving, for the time being, his life and giving Oberyn the chance of presenting his case against those who killed his family. In a fair world, that could work. But you know his honor and idealism clouds his judgment, they will never let Tyrion confess in public how they ordered to kill innocent children in cold blood, they will never let Oberyn win. They’re desperate now, less concern about their public image and much more drastic in their measures; another thing they have now in common with the past rulers. They’ll do anything to remain in power, and those little legal tricks won’t be enough to stop them. They will take any means necessary to remain in power. Anything.

“We should be going, sir” the security guard announces from the digital pad on the door

“My love” Oberyn adjusts his tunic, an old gold fabric that resembles the million sun panels that covers Sunspear and he looks as the sun, he warms your life, gives you the energy to wake up and you wish this sun, your sun, never sets and leaves you in the dark “If you don’t want to come, I’ll understand”

You run to him and grab his forearms “I will never leave you. I’ll be there as long as you need me”

Weeks before the trial

Even though you’ve climbed on the social ladder and also in a literal way, you are and you will always be a street rat, a lower scum and in that you know many like you. And they’re useful, you know people that could do anything, that know how to find anything or anyone. The lower levels are a wild jungle of metallic junk, holograms screens selling whatever you wish for and dangerous people. But you know your way there and navigated the streets until you found what you wanted.

“So it’s pretty damaged, I had to reprogram everything and search for parts anywhere and those I didn’t find I had to customize” Chips explained uncovering the thing inside his garage. Chips is your friend, shared the same dirty full of lice bed in the orphanage, he didn’t have a name and was given one by the caretakers but preferred the nickname you gave them. He was always since he was a little kid playing with some wires, chips and computers parts and now he had created a place in the slums, mainly because of what he did it’s not really legal. He hacks technology, can get himself inside any web, any software and devastate any system he wants. He does it all in this dirty garage, lighted in neon lights that you don’t know you he stands it, every wall is covered in screens, old technology and devices you don’t understand.

“You know anything you need I will pay double, Chips. I need this working properly, it’s extremely important” you said

“Thank you, Chips” you nodded

“And it will, you will have complete control over it on your holo bracelet” he assured and gave you the small black device that you tied around your wrist “When it is time, you just have to activate it” and he showed you the control app on the floating screen over your hand

“Do you really want to do this? You can’t control the consequences once you active it” he asked eyeing the thing with a worried look

“The consequences if I don’t use it will be far worse”

The trial

“Father, I wish to confess” the short blond man says on the stand, he’s secured inside a protection field that is otherwise invisible except when the neon lights from the ceiling hit it and it shines with a bluish light.

The hundred something audience member gasp in unison and you know the whole city has had the same reaction whilst watching in it live stream in the millions of holoscreens around King’s Landing.

“I didn’t kill Joffrey, but I wish that I had” he spats and the people present scream and insult him. Oberyn stands by his side and you cannot see his face from your seat in the grandstand but his fists are clenched and his posture is tense. “He was a vicious demon, a murderer and sadist as every member of this family”

“Tyrion if you do not wish to confess this is useless” Tywin Lannister, the patriarch, moves in his seat uncomfortable.

“As I was saying, father, he was a murderer like his family, like you” people rise from their seats now, you stay in your little corner while the crowd waits for the rest of the confession with their mouths wide open “You ordered, years ago, to kill in cold blood innocent people, you ordered your beast” he points to the corner of the big throne room where the tallest man you’ve ever seen stands among other guards “to kill every woman, children or baby that was related to the Targaryens, servants or noble; like Ellia Martell and her children”

“Silence!” Tywin raises from his seat, his pale skin is red, a sharp contrast to his all black tunic “Take the prisoner back to his chamber until a sentence has been declared”

“Wait!” Oberyn walks towards the center of the scene with his hand raised “The defendant has confessed being witness to a crime, by the old law of Aegon, the conqueror; he cannot be put to sentence until that crime has been judged. And you, Lord Tywin, will have to address those accusation in a proper trial” You see from the corner he has a smirk on his face while the older man glares at him with his eyes full of hate.

“Isn’t it that convenient for you?” Cersei Lannister cries from her seat, the mourning mother has been quite the whole trial but her eyes red and weeping had been fixed on her brother and now Oberyn with the same anger. “You’ve spreading those lies and accusations for years and now you conspire with my murderer brother to hurt my family” her voice break and the audience gasps again clearly entertain with this turning of events

“Accusations that now have to be clarified in a trial as it was always dismissed by your authority” Oberyn responds pointing with his finger to the whole Lannister court

“It was a time of war, an unfortunate accident” Tywin hisses

“Well now you could prove it and end those accusations, don’t you?” Oberyn smiles wildly but it feels like more like a viper openning its mouth to show you its weapons before biting.”I demand that the defendant is released from your custody and it will remain with me until trial”

“That’s surprising, are you accusing us of plotting to hurt him in anyway?” Tywin tilts his head to Oberyn, challenging him, and you know he has something in mind. You’re so tense that you don’t realize you were not breathing until your chest hurts. You activate your holobracelet looking at the small bottom waiting for the perfect moment.

“I’m saying he’s accused of a heinous crime and clearly has gained the hatred of the people, being here could make it really easy for anybody to hurt him while on custody. So I suggest a secured and secret location for the moment”

“Tyrion has the means to escape and leave the planet; we could not possibly let him go” says an old man from the Council

“He will remain in the Red Keep” Tywin states

“I think I still have my right to testify, father” Cersei raises from her seat with a coy smirk

“You can give a final statement, yes” he agrees

“Oberyn Martell has agreed to defend my brother from this terrible murder, has been seeing with him before in very dubious places and now he accuses us of murder and plot to kill a prisoner in custody in order to keep Tyrion on his care. I think it’s fair to think that he could have some interest in this, maybe even be part of a larger plot against us, he has always hate our family for a crime we didn’t commit”

The uproar in the room is way stronger this time, some assistants can’t even be kept on their seats, and the guards form a line between the grandstand and the platform were the trail is taken place. You move, your heart beats are loud in your ear, as you go down the stand closer to where Oberyn stands.

“I firmly believe we should have a line of investigation on this, so you, Oberyn and your client should stay on the Red Keep until everything is clarified” Tywin doesn’t hide his pride. You knew that this will happen; they have neither honor nor a care for justice. And you knew they will find a way to hurt him if he ever became bolder in his way to get justice for his sister.

Oberyn is screaming something but you cannot hear him with all the crossed accusations and the audience, but the guards had walked towards him, they’re moving Tyrion from his stand and cornering your lover.

“Raise your hands, sir” they scream at him “Calm down”

You know their tactics, you know that any movement he will do can justify that they shot him down or hurt him. If he raises his hands they can say he was about to punch them, if he doesn’t he didn’t comply. Anyway Oberyn’s life is threatened. So you know it’s time.

You open the hologram screen on your bracelet and tap on the small logo with trembling fingers, until the screen shows an ACTIVITED sign in green.

You were a small child, probably a baby when you were met with one of those things, so you don’t remember how silent they are. It was made like that so they could strike any possible threats without given them the chance to escape. So the dust hits you first, before you or anyone could hear it. The right wall of the throne room collapses and you see the screens and the wires and the metal breaking and the ancient brick walls inside of them. A blazing sun hits second, a red and orange light until you feel the heat. That’s not the sun. It’s fire.

The beast enters and now you can hear it, its motors propel it inside the room and in doing so completely destroy the west side of the Keep. It actually looks like a dragon; a fearsome large metallic face spitting fire but the rest of its body is a triangular black shape more like the commercial flight transports but way bigger.

The clouds of dust makes it impossible for you to find Oberyn, you just hope he hasn’t been hit by the debris in the explosion.

“Oberyn” you scream and cough

You find some guards on the ground some of them evidently dead others are just knockout, and in the middle of it you find him, he had protected his head with his arms, his golden attire is dusty but you don’t see signs of bleeding. You bend down and try to get him up, but he’s heavy

“Come on, my love, we have to go!” he doesn’t respond and your heart skips a beat what if you killed him trying to save him?

But he coughs softly at first and then louder and raises his face confused and wander his eyes until he finds you “We have to go Oberyn, come on” he moves slowly but you gather strength and get his arm over yours and push him towards the abyss on the west wall. And you jump.

Being a slum rat you had always fear being on the top of the buildings, never actually looking from the border of the balcony when you moved with Oberyn, but now you jumped with your eyes closed, holding his body, the body of your lover, your whole life tightly against yours. For a moment you feel the emptiness of space and air until your body hits something hard.

“We have to fly faster; I think the whole building is going to collapse” Chips helps you take a seat on the flying car and you secure Oberyn on the seat beside you. He’s still dazed so he doesn’t say a thing; clearly he doesn’t understand what’s going on. You hope that you hadn’t inflicted some brain damaged. Chips speeds up the vehicle going in a sharp line downwards making the rest of the traffic move to let you pass and avoid a crash.

“We will have to hide on the slums for a moment” he screams over the speed breaking the air

No brain damage, his eardrums are broken but they will heal fast with the drugs Chips has bought in the dark market. He has a great concussion on his back and some scratches on his face, legs and arms. But he’s alive and well. You wait on a very uncomfortable chair looking at him, his tall and broad body doesn’t fit in that small cheap bed but for the moment it will have to do. He has been sleeping for a few hours now and when you’re about to doze off, he coughs trying to call your name.

“Sh, sh, calm down my love” you say when he tries to get up “Drink some water” you serve him in a plastic cup and approach the bed

“What?” he screams and contorts his face once he feels the pain

“Your ears” you pronounce every syllable so he can read your lips “Rest now, it will heal in a few hours”

He drinks looking at you confused over the cup and lies down again but he looks at you intently “what have you done?” he murmurs

You sleep a few hours, Chips keeps doing his thing drinking too much of those energy drinks. At least twenty screens shows different news reports, the images of the trial and the “terrorist attack” as they’re calling it thereafter.

“What have you done with it?” you ask

“I programmed it to self destroy after you deactivated it. Too dangerous on the wrong hands” he explains

“And who are you referring to with “wrong hands?” a deep and husky voice says behind you.

You see the horror in his eyes when he watches the images of the Dragon entering the throne room and burning and destroying everything on its way.

“Oberyn” you whisper

“What have you done?” he asks again, his brown eyes glow in tears

“I did what I have to do” you simply shrug “I couldn’t let you get yourself killed, those people were about to lock you on the Red Keep and next thing I know they will give me your dead body back as they did with your sister” your voice cracks once you try to approach him and he recoils in fear

“You’ve killed innocent people” Oberyn lets his body hit the wall and you see his legs shake still too weak to stand

“They were enjoying that mockery of a trial seeing a poor man being sentence to death” you defend

“And now they’re all dead”

“We’re still waiting for the reports but...”Chips adds but shuts it once you both look angrily at him

“Oberyn” you come close your hands open to him, begging to touch him but he shakes his head

“Oberyn please” you say again

“No” he refuses and now you see he’s crying, his shoulders shake and he covers his face on his hands

“Then listen to me” you face him still letting him have his space “I couldn’t live in a world where you’re not with me. I knew they will try to kill you and I felt powerless, I had to do something, I have to save you as you saved me years ago. I love you, Oberyn, more than my own life, more than my heart, my eyes and my soul and if I have to burn empires to the ground for you, I will and I did”

#Writer Wednesday #oberyn martell #prince oberyn #oberyn fanfic #oberyn x you #oberyn x reader #oberyn martell x reader #pedro pascal #pedro pascal characters #Pedro Pascal x you #Pedro Pascal x reader #Pedro Pascal Characters fanfiction #GOT fanfic #ASOIF AU #ASOIF fanfic #jose pedro balmaceda pascal

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hope-to-hell · 3 years

Text

Some of you may remember this one from...god, how long ago was it? Months, at least. A mystery of sorts, told in dialogue, finally completed, collected here all neat and tidy. Conversations With Dead Men, August Walker. Intermittent mild gore (blood and teeth) and mystery, experimental style. Walker’s cleaning crew have never met him, but they know his work.

Tagging @viking-raider @sometimesiwrite @iwillmakeyoucraveme @its--fandom--darling@mrsaugustwalker @emyearns @indigosaurus @raspberrydreamclouds @killjoy-assbutt-1112 @summersong69 @nuggsmum @wonderlandfandomkingdom @thelastsock @alexakeyloveloki @luthienaliceisilra @sadboyslogic @imneonpanda @october505 @snowyleopard93 @seriouslygoodlookinggents @feralrunaway @hell1129-blog @takemeback-toparadise @harlotforhenry @maximumninjavoid @ashleyskywalker @cavillryarchive @critfailroll @luclittlepond @ladyahiru @pirate-rhino and as always please let me know if you want on or off the tag list.

Walker and his cleaning crew have never met, but they know him. They know his work; they can read his mood in the patterns of gore on the ceiling. So when they’re summoned to the Grand Palais, they’re surprised, to say the least.

This isn’t like him.

Is he okay? Should we send him some soup? A fruit basket?

~*~*~*~*~*~

It’s weird, you know, but I kinda miss him. When do you think he’s coming back?

It’s been almost a year. I don’t think he is coming back. Besides—

What?

I heard something, about that Paris job. About what happened. C’mere.

Are you fucking serious? What? No goddamn way. Not him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

That thing in Kashmir, that was him, wasn’t it? Dave was on cleanup, and he said—

I know what he said. Dave’s full of shit.

No, listen. Listen. What if— he said they didn’t—

Oh Jesus Christ. Don’t start this.

He said they didn’t find a body. Not even part of one.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Hey. Come look at this.

What? Come on, we’re in a hurry here. Christ, what a mess.

Look. Look at that. The spray pattern— it’s gotta be.

Lemme see. Move. Well, fuck me sideways, you’re right. It’s him. I’d know that work anywhere.

Do you think they know? Back at headquarters?

Man, I dunno. I don’t think any of them have ever actually seen this shit. But look at that. He’s feeling good.

Good, sure. But look at that. Look how far it got. And the teeth. Fuck. What’s he doing?

Listen. You remember Copenhagen? Back in ‘11? After— well, you know. It’s like that.

Oh Jesus. You don’t think…

I do. I think he’s back, and I think he’s hunting.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Look, I’m telling you. Right before we got the call. I swear I saw him.

What makes you so sure? No one’s seen him. Not since Kashmir. Hell, headquarters doesn’t even believe he’s alive.

I’m telling you. Fuck, listen, it was just for a second, but. You’ve seen the pictures, right? Big guy, looks like he could fight a Buick and win?

Yeah.

Well, I saw him going around the corner, I swear to god. And his face— it was— it was bad. But damn if he wasn’t walking like he had the biggest dick in town. And then we got the call. And like—

Yeah. I know. He’s going after agency guys. And this is— fuck. This is something personal. I’ve never seen him leave them in so many pieces before.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Listen. So I was talking to Dave again last night and he says—

The fuck have I told you about Dave? He doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

—he says his crew found Benji Dunn. You know, the tech guy? Yeah. Anyway he says they found him in a suitcase on the metro last week.

Jesus.

Yeah. He said it was super clean, too. Not like the others. But there was some kinda weird remote in with him. Dave said the guys from upstairs grabbed it before he could get a look.

The fuck?

You know those IMF guys. Real big on their toys. What do you think it was?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Okay, so listen. You remember that thing I was telling you about the other day? That weird thing they found in with Dunn?

Yeah, you said it was a remote. What about it?

Well, I was taking those teeth up to forensics and I heard them talking about it. Some kind of garage door opener, if you can believe it. And what they found—

Dude. Spit it out. This stain’s gonna set.

Blood. Like, a lot of blood. Sounds like it was a fucking abbatoir. Guess that’s why Dunn was so damn clean, no blood left in him. Poor fuck.

How do you know it was his? Did he—

No, nothing like that. But there was this box with a fingertip in it. Just, like, the last joint. And it matched Dunn’s prints.

Listen, I don’t think this one is him. I know you said you saw him, but. How long have we been doing this? I’ve never seen him do something like that, not even after ‘11. And that was bad. Like, scary bad.

You don’t think—

Listen. I don’t know what to think. Upstairs says he’s dead, but we’re still getting called for jobs that are just like before. And then you see him, and this thing with Dunn happens right after. And why the hell leave the remote with the body, like that room was meant to be found? I don’t like it. It feels like a game, but nobody will tell us the rules.

So what do we do?

Our fuckin job, that’s what. Keep your head down and your ears open, alright?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Ok so listen. Fuck, listen. There was another weird one. At the Pines. And guess what?

Dude. Just fucking tell me.

They got him on camera, clear as day. Right on the security feed, only— promise this stays between us?

Yeah. Sure. Promise. Just spit it out already.

His face, man. Just like the pictures. And—

Shit. Wait. Hang on. You said when you saw him, his face was all messed up, right?

Exactly. I swear, when I saw him his face was melted or something. But this was just like his file photo and I don’t think plastic surgery can do that. Not that fast, for fuckin sure.

So what are you saying?

I’m saying it’s him, and it’s not him. How is that possible?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Masks?

Masks.

You’re out of your goddamn mind.

Dave said—

Fuck, fine, what did Dave say?

He says there’s this tech, right? Masks that look just like a real face, voice changers that sound just like whoever you’re pretending to be. So I was thinking—

Don’t tell me.

Dude. It’s gotta be, right? The face? It makes sense.

None of this makes sense. But yeah. I get you.

But why would he? It’s not like anyone else has seen him, as far as I know.

You’re so sure it’s him? Think about it. Dunn was— wrong. Not his work. I think somebody wanted to make it look like his, but somebody who doesn’t know him. Doesn’t know the kind of shit he leaves behind, I mean. Someone who doesn’t know what happened to his face.

Fuck. Fuckfuckfuck. If it’s not him, then who is it? And he’s supposed to be dead, so why pretend to be him? I don’t get it.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I saw him again. Fuck. Fuck, man, he was right there, and Dave— Jesus. Oh my god.

Let me guess. He winked and laid his finger aside his nose like fucking Santa Claus.

Listen, man. Listen. I got a call from Dave’s red line, about a rush job— it was when you were out doing that thing in Portland, remember— and he just said meet me at this old apartment. I think it must’ve been one of the old agency safe houses. And he was there.

Dave?

No. You know, him. Big and scary. Walker. And he was talking, and Dave was listening, and Dave was fucking scared, man. Walker said “I know what you’re doing,” and then— fuck. He fucking killed Dave, stabbed him right in the neck, and—

Hey. Hey. Slow down.

He saw me. He saw me, and I ran, and I don’t think he followed me, but I’m scared. I’m so scared. I don’t know what to do.

Okay. Okay. Here’s what you do. You go to headquarters first thing. You tell them everything. Don’t leave until they agree to send you somewhere safe.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Hey. Hey, man. I don’t have much time. He’s outside, fuck, he’s looking at me. I went to headquarters, they didn’t believe me. So I went to our old fishing place. I just— Dave wanted people to know, man. People besides us. I don’t know why he thought killing anyone would help. But Dave never saw Walker's work. Not like we did.

So he—

Yeah. Yeah I think so. And— they’re all dead, man. Everyone who was there for the Kashmir fuckup. Even Hunt. I saw his head, man. His head, and— his face. It was half gone, I— oh fuck. Oh fuck. He’s coming. I’m so scared, I don’t know what to— fuck, wait, no, please. Please, I don’t want—

~*~*~*~*~*~

[your call cannot be completed as dialed. please hang up and try again]

#my fic #august walker #august walker fic #mission: impossible fallout fic #mission impossible: fallout

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taylizmasterpost · 3 years

Text

TayLiz Returns (August 2011 - January 2012)

Now, Taylor’s music suggests her and Liz got back together and broke up a bunch of times. It’s kind of hard to pinpoint that exactly, since they’re on tour together constantly and can’t really have a break from each other that would be discernable by an outside source such as myself. However, this is the time for it! Time for mess! Time for fun!

9 August 2011 - Speak Now in Chicago. Taylor covers Sugar, We’re Going Down by Fall Out Boy:

youtube

The lyrics that stand out here to me are:

Is this more than you bargained for, yet? Oh don’t mind me, I’m watching you two from the closet Wishing to be the friction in your jeans Isn’t it messed up how I’m just dying to be him? I’m just a notch in your bedpost But you’re just a line in a song

Of course, once again. Taylor could just like the song. But I think it’s interesting.

10 August 2011 - Speak Now in Chicago night 2. Taylor covers I Want You to Want Me:

youtube

This one is REALLY INTERESTING in the wake of Liz’s breakup. Some choice lyrics:

I want you to want me I need you to need me I’d love you to love me I’m begging you to beg me

Oh, didn’t I, didn’t I, didn’t I see you crying? Feeling all alone without a friend, you know you feel like dying

So does Taylor want her back? Or does she just like the song? Could go either way.

16 August 2011 - Taylor goes on a Girls Trip to Charleston with Liz, Caitlin, and a few other friends. Now, in a birthday post years down the line, Liz would reveal that Taylor specifically planned this trip because Liz was having a good time (We’ll get there in Late-Stage TayLiz). This feels like healing breakup blues to me.

While there, Liz tweets about possibly sharing a bed with Taylor again:

Taylor takes some great black and white photos of everyone that will show up in a later photo blog and Liz tweets about how much she loves retro photographer Taylor:

18 August 2011 - End of Charleston trip.

Liz tweets about Taylor healing her heartbreak blues:

That night is Speak Now in Alberta. Arm lyrics: “Find the Grace in the things you can’t change, and help somebody if you can.” Taylor covers Complicated by Carolyn Dawn Johnson:

youtube

Choice lyrics, you know the drill:

I’m so scared that the way I feel is written all over my face We used to laugh, we used to hug, the way that old friends do But now a smile and a touch of your hand makes me come unglued

I wanna hold you close, I wanna push you away I wanna make you go, I wanna make you stay

Another friend tells me that my name is always on your lips They say I’m more than just a friend, they say I must be blind Well, I’ll admit I’ve seen you watch me from the corner of your eye

What an utterly appropriate post-Charleston trip song.

19 August 2011 - Speak Now in Alberta. Arm lyrics: “Hey brother, we’re all learning to love again.” – Mat Kearny’s Learning To Love Again.

22 August 2011 - Taylor posts “The Charleston Photo blog” on MySpace, featuring pictures from the Charleston trip:

So, clearly, they had a good time.

23 August 2011 - Liz quote tweets Taylor about the Charleston photo blog:

27 August 2011 - Speak Now in LA. Taylor covers Bette Davis Eyes:

youtube

Now, not only is this an EXTREMELY GAY COVER considering it’s about how beautiful a woman is, but Bette/Betty is a popular nickname for Elizabeth. And just look at the lyrics:

And she’ll tease you And unease you All the better, just to please you She’s precocious And she knows just What it takes to make a pro blush

IS THIS NOT EXACTLY WHAT’S BEEN HAPPENING EVERY NIGHT DURING BETTER THAN REVENGE? TEASING? UNEASING? MAKING A PRO BLUSH??? Hmm, Taylor, what an interesting choice of a cover in the wake of the Charleston Trip...

It’s worth noting that Liz also grew up in the LA area, making this even more special if it is about Liz.

5 September 2011 - Taylor and Dianna Agron meet for the first time at the Fairfax Flea Market after being introduced by mutual friend, Ashley, who was working for Dianna’s hairstylist at the time. Dianna had lowkey outed herself that summer with #Shirtgate and considering all the mess going on with Liz, it’s possible Ashley (among Taylor’s other friends) were looking to introduce her to someone else.

8 September 2011 - Taylor diaries about writing Red the previous day and then recording it:

In a later interview, Taylor described Red like this:

“So this is a song that I wrote about the kind of relationship that is both the best thing and the worst thing at the same time and that’s why you can’t forget about it. It’s called Red.”

So, I have a two big theories about Taylor writing and recording Red at this point in the timeline:

1) TayLiz have IMMEDIATELY broken up again after the Charleston trip, and that’s why a mutual friend decided to introduce Taylor to Dianna.

2) Taylor and Liz are about to get back together again, and Taylor writes Red as a way of looking back on what she had with Liz back in 2009 before diving into a relationship with her again.

I’m leaning towards 2, but 1 could be true too. Who knows?

13 September 2011 - Rodarte show at NY Fashion Week. Taylor is interviewed by Vogue while there. She says there’s “just been this earth-shattering, not recent, but absolute crash and burn heartbreak” and that that’s what the next album is about. This really makes me think TayLiz breaks up IMMEDIATELY again after Charleston.

Taylor also gives these four things she’s learned about love and life recently:

Number two and four read like Jake shade to me.

16 September 2011 - Speak Now in Nashville. Taylor brings out Hayley as a special guest, they sing “That’s What You Get.” Hayley would later say she was surprised Taylor didn’t ask for Misery Business as That’s What You Get wasn’t one of their more popular songs at the time. (Keep in mind this is the song TayLiz jammed to years ago at the Paramore concert):

youtube

This song makes me think there’s a lot of back and forth happening between TayLiz right now if we look at it lyrically. However, things could be great in TayLiz land and Taylor just chose to perform this song because she knew Liz liked it.

19 September 2011 - Liz performs Jenny Turn Around with Tyler Hilton after Speak Now in Nashville. Tyler tells a story about how he went to the TS concert just before and Taylor had said that her and Liz both really love this song.

29 September 2011 - Liz tweets about crying to the song “The Heart Won’t Lie” by Vince Gill.

And thus, the back and forth continues.

16 October 2011 - Taylor recommends Liz’s YouTube channel and she gets an influx of subscribers:

30 October 2011 - Taylor diaries about being sick on tour, getting Meredith, and having written two songs in the last few days:

This usually signifies there’s a lot going on for her emotionally, although it’s hard to tell what since we don’t know which songs these are. (My best guess might be Treacherous??)

31 October 2011 - Liz tweets about getting married.

Taylor posts a photo of her, Liz, and Caitlin on Instagram:

8 November 2011 - TayLiz have a “soul feeding time” together:

9 November 2011 - Taylor posts a wedding dress train picture to IG with the caption “Dress train…”

12 November 2011 - TayLiz flirt more onstage during BTR:

18 November 2011 - Speak Now in Columbia South Carolina. Arm Lyrics: “Where would we be today, if I never drove that car away?” These are from the song “Don’t Think About It” by Darius Rucker. The lines before this go:

When we make choices we got to live with them Heard you found a real good man and you married him I wonder if sometimes I cross your mind Where would we be today If I never drove that car away?

To me, this plus the dress train pictures reads as Taylor’s reaction to Emily getting married the following day.

19 November 2011 - Emily gets married. TayLiz are papped leaving a restaurant in London:

27 November 2011 - CMT Awards in Nashville. Taylor arrives with Liz and others.

1 December 2011 - Taylor shoots her vogue cover where she cuts her bangs at the Bowery Hotel. Her band (including Liz) comes to support her and her and Liz take a photo with their matching hair:

13 December 2011 - Taylor’s birthday. She’s recording something in the studio and posts a photo to tease the Red album (presumably she’s already titled it at this point).

Here are some pictures from the party:

22 December 2011 - Safe and Sound is released. TayLiz both tweet about it:

Taylor also posts about it on IG:

IN CONCLUSION: After Taylor pursuing her all summer, and Liz’s breakup with Jason, TayLiz took off again. They (maybe) shared a bed during Charleston, and Taylor certainly seems to have covered Bette Davis Eyes with her in mind. Their relationship is a little less obvious than they were in 2009, but that makes sense, considering the way Taylor has skyrocketed in popularity since then. Of course, they still are going to have some problems...

TayLiz Breaks Down (January 2012 - March 2012)

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saintheartwing · 3 years

Text

Breaking Dawn, Pt. 2: Rage of the Forgotten Ones

Author's Note:

Regrettably, this time, I'm not accepting OCs for the story. Though you may spy a cameo here and there for certain...persons. ;)

Anyhow, on with the tale! And feel free to tell me what you like and dislike about it. :D

BREAKING DAWN, PART TWO RAGE OF THE FORGOTTEN ONES

If you're reading this, then again...thanks. I'm glad somebody bothered to check out my blog. I'm surprised you're checking it now, though. Shouldn't you be more concerned with the fact that hundreds of planet Earths are floating around in the sky above, defying all physics? Even the average ignorant idiot can tell: something is seriously wrong.

And I know you want to know how this happened. Maybe you heard about me. Remembered I was the "crazy kid" for a long time, that I had all of these "insane" theories about aliens and the supernatural, and now that this is happening, well, you turn to me for answers. I've got answers, alright...I've got answers.

It all ties back...to him. To an alien named Zim.

His species is called the Irken race. They're like reptile-esque bugs. Their bodies are organic shells, their REAL selves are attached to their backs in robotic backpacks called "PAKS'. They're generally proud, vain, narcissistic, selfish, dangerous, in a word...evil. I knew from the moment Zim entered my classroom in his pathetic disguise that fooled everyone but me that he was bad news, I swore to expose him.

But something happened over the years. Zim and I began to...

Well...

...I can't call it friendship. I really can't. It's like...we were rivals. And we always wanted to stay that way. To outdo each other. It was a "same time next week" kind of deal we had: he'd try to make some world-enslaving or world-destroying plot...I'd stop him. It was a great game we played. And I think we began to develop...well...a kind of respect...a kind of trust. We kinda mellowed, in a sense. Heck, we even applied to the same colleges. I guess that my life fell into a rhythm I intended to ride for the rest of my life.

...but before all that happened, there was...a period that I think back on with shame. It was kind of like the turning point. When we looked back on what we did, something changed in us. I think we kinda were forced to change.

See...I wasn't the only one who knew Zim was an alien. My sister knew, but she didn't really care much. Zim had another Irken living at his home, named Skoodge, but Skoodge wasn't really too much of a threat. He wasn't actually too bad, as far as Irkens went. But I did tell my classmate Gretchen about Zim, and I think she wanted to believe me.

And then there was Nick.

Nice kid from down south. Slightly annoying accent. Little bit dumb. Okay, maybe more than a little bit.

But friendly. Helpful. And Zim had experimented on him before. Made him REAAAALLY happy with this strange device he stuck in his head. Twice. I asked him for help, knowing he knew the truth.

I TRIED to train him. I really did. I tried to help him get smart and savvy the way I was. We planned...we calculated...a few missions went by, we did well.

He wasn't my friend, but...but he was a good comrade. Yes...a comrade. And that day, on March 23rd, six years ago...Zim did the worst thing he'd ever done.

And he did it to Nick.

...I own that. Because he was my soldier. My comrade.

...my fault.

I don't know if he...remembers it all. I kept wondering "Was he afraid? Was he begging for me to save him in his head? Was he crying all the while as Zim..."

Now I know how he felt. I'm feeling that way too. Because someone showed up at our front door. They forced a very dangerous, very powerful ring on me. A ring that can turn the imagination into reality. Chosen for me because I can overcome great fear.

And yet...

All I want to do now...

Is SCREAM.

At first...it was a spiritual experience. Exhilarating. Almost transcendental. He felt invincible. He felt...like he could face anything. Anyone. Dib Membrane wasn't afraid of anything or anyone, and he knew, in that first few moments he KNEW he could have taken on the entire world and WON. For those first few moments...the ring upon his finger showed him a world just in front of his fingertips, a world of potential.

And then...then it was not HIS will that controlled the power. It felt like he was being tugged around by slimy strings, his flesh was not his own...he was lost in his own spirit...and he knew what was at fault.

"Get this thing OFF me!" Dib yelled out, yanking on the white ring on his finger as best he could, gasping as the Irken with the golden eyes looked on in pitiless amusement. Two sets of antennae, one teal, one black slightly raised in amusement with gloved hands and a blue vest across his chest, with dark blue pants and boots of black...black to match the gloves...black to match his heart. "GET IT OFF!"

"It's no use." The Irken with the golden eyes said, waving his hand in the air. "I was the first one to touch the Exemplar Ring you wear on your hand. It might be powered by your Will, it might think you're using it, but really...it's MY will that matters now. It might as well be on my hand. And you're going to do everything I tell you to do. You won't have a choice." The Irken said.

Dib's sister bellowed angrily, punching the ground below and seething, frothing at the mouth. Unlike Dib, who was dressed in a fine outfit of black and green, she was all red and black, with a form that looked vaguely machine-like in its design, a fury dripping off her facial features as the Irken snapped his fingers and she panted slightly, slowly calming down.

"You...fix us...NOW." Dib snarled angrily, summoning up all his willpower, leveling the ring on his finger squarely at the Irken. "You FREAK."

"The NAME...is Zerinim Two Jookiba." The Irken with two sets of antenneas said, putting one gloved hand on his chest before growling fervently, a burning red fiery blaze of energy forming in his hands, sizzling like he was holding a miniature sun in his palms. "But don't call me "Two" like my closest loved ones do. Call me...MASTER."

He immediately launched the wave of energy squarely at Dib and Gaz, knocking them to the ground, Gaz taking a blow to the head, unconsciousness settling in as Dib felt the thing's grip on him relaxing, and now the many sledgehammers he kept imagining should be beating into this thing actually manifested in a bright green glow, energy constructs that struck at Two over and over as Dib kept the manifestation up, intent on one thing and one thing alone...

MAKING...HIM...PAY.

"I'm gonna make you sorry you ever came to my planet!" Dib yelled out, stepping closer and closer to Two as the Irken held his gloved hands forth, a sonic blast of red construct energy knocking Dib back as Two snapped his fingers, a surge of power rising from his form as a bow popped into his gloved hands. Dib jumped back up, quickly firing off blasts of energy from his ring like a cowboy desperately firing his pistols at an oncoming posse, but Two calmly stood still, the blasts missing him as he notched an arrow of burning red.

It launched through the air, impaling Dib through his left side and he screeched in pain, falling to the ground as his grip on his body faded, and he swam in and out of consciousness, struggling to stay awake, Two chuckling coldly as he approached the human and his sister.

"Ahhhhh, I NEEDED that. I'm in a such good mood right now...now you go home and power down and get some rest. Dream peacefully...it'll be the last happy sleep you ever have, I'm afraid." The Irken said, kneeling by Dib and lifting his head with one claw. It wasn't a mocking tone...it just said it. A statement of fact. Nothing personal. "You've got a busy day tomorrow, after all." He added with a slight smile, clapping his hands as Dib and Gaz found themselves returning to their normal clothes, getting back up and returning inside the house of their own accord, the will of their master, the being named Two, echoing in their minds...

Mercifully, Dib could feel his wounds healing. But this was cold comfort. All Dib could think about...was what this thing was going to do the world he loved.

...

...as Dib rested in his bed, snuggling up beneath the covers, shivering slightly, he grit his teeth and grounded them together. He was mad. He was furious. He couldn't even fall asleep without feeling like that...that thingwith the double set of antennas was watching him. It had loosed it's control over them...just barely. It was allowing them to rest, but that was cold comfort considering Dib knew the thing would be up to no good.

What would it do to his world? What would it make himdo to his world? What would it make him do to the people he loved?

Simply trying to imagine talking to his father or anybody else about what had happened was giving him a headache...no doubt another part of that being, "Two", inflicting his will on him. What would happen if he actually tried to tell his father what had occurred, get him to simply analyze the ring that he was unable to take off? Would it be some "Battle Royale" kind of deal? Would a collar manifest around his neck and take his head off?

Gaz. What was Gaz thinking, Dib wondered as his eyelids slowly beginning to drop, genuine sleep mercifully setting in. Was she scared? Was she indignant about being used? Or was she just...angry?

Well, as it turned out, Gaz was none of those things. She had long since fallen deep asleep to dream of a world that shaped and shifted by her will, brought to life by a giant red pen, floating upon a rubber piggy and laughed giddily at the new world she was making. She liked seeing things in red...yes, yes, she wanted to paint everything in red...

She knew this power would help her do it. She was aware it was bringing out her most violent desires and attitudes. But she knew she could channel it. She just had to wait for her chance.

She could take control of this. She could prove stronger than the thing on her finger.

"That idiot thinks he has me. But I've beaten worse things before." Her dream-self said as she raised a chainsaw high, cutting through a swath of imaginary Twos. "AND YOU'LL FALL, JUST LIKE THE REST OF THEM!"

...

..."Oh great. Two is here. Help me put my clothes back on."

"Why did you ask me to bring HER along? I could understand Lilo, but…"

"I want her to understand what we're…willing to do to break her. Lilo, do you know HOW the Minor Arcana was formed? How the…application process is undertaken?"

"..."

"Well, in exchange for very, VERY large amounts of power and the ability to remain eternally young…you've got to kill family. Close family. One member, to be precise."

"Samael approached me and told me that if I wanted into the Minor Arcana…if I wanted the ability to be immune to control and to control reality, I'd have to kill a family member."

"No, please tell me you didn't…didn't kill them…Kila, Zim, you…you didn't?"

"No, of course I couldn't, I…I love my parents. I…I chose Green, my sister from the past."

"If Kila and Zim ARE your parents, the ones I know so well, then they would have been horrified at the idea of you working for the person who made them suffer so much! They wouldn't have raised you to be so cruel!"

"They didn't raise me to be cruel, but we never could stay in one place long…do you know how some kids move around city after city, state after state, never really making friends, or worse, constantly leaving the friends they DO have? For me…it was TEN TIMES WORSE. I had to move from world to world and whenever we got REMOTELY settled into the hotel or other temporarily dwelling, we had to leave! Working for Samael meant he wouldn't hunt my parents anymore and…It's not like I know Green. She's my sister and I understand mentally that the whole thing is…sad."

"..."

"I OUGHT to know her. I should have spent my childhood with my big sister being there, we should have blown stuff up in the backyard together or played gorka-ball or "Toss the GIR"…we should have been siblings but…but we weren't. Aren't. It IS sad, but…I just don't really know her, and so I don't have many qualms about killing her, though MIYU had NO qualms in killing MALIK! And to get to her mother, she killed her dad too!"

"Azazel has yet to kill Nick, his dear, beloved Grandfather. So perhaps he'll kill his originator instead, he was so close to Nick, In his reality, his "Pee-Paw" was so PROUD of him…he even gave him his-"

"..."

"As for Frequency, lobotomizing Sari, whom he cared for greatly, was his act. Samael was happy to allow him to do the act, it allowed Miyu to replace Sari, who had refused to kill her parents and had taken Samael's gift of immortality. Such a pity…she would have gained Miyu's incomparable battle skills but instead she lost most of her brain."

"And now let us come to the point. You are not going to be rescued. You are going to be tortured here by us, one at a time, and when TWO finishes with you, I…will begin."

"Question: Who shall start?"

"I'll be the first...my power will be good for torturing you-"

With that, Dib awoke from the strange dream. It had felt real. FAR too real. And that person...Two. It had definitely been him. What was going on? Were Two's memories of the past somehow crisscrossing with his slave's head? Possible, he supposed. The Irken could control him from his head, but that meant his mind was open, at least when asleep, to Dib's own...

How strange...

"How odd..." Dib mumbled as he scratched his head, sweeping his legs out of his bed and onto the floor as he made his way to his bureau to get his usual attire out. Dark jacket? Check. Blue t-shirt with a "Meh" face on it? Check. Dark pants? Also check. Glasses...shoes...belt for said pants...check, check, check-

"...is the ring still on my finger?" Dib mumbled, looking down at his hand.

Check.

"...crap." He muttered. "You JERK." He growled, turning his head to look out the window at a cheerily grinning Two, who pushed the window open, letting in the sunshine to the dark blue walls of Dib's cluttered-up bedroom.

"Nice place, it really is...except for the smell." Two admitted as he looked around the bedroom. Indeed, over the years Dib had gotten slightly more advanced equipment from his father for birthday presents...yes, Birthday. Dib's father refused to celebrate Christmas due to his undying hatred of Santa Claus, so he always wasted that day searching for signs of Santa. And beating up Santa's Helpers in the street.

Yeah, it was weird.

A sophisticated computer system on a desk with what appeared to be three dozen drawers, many of them stuffed full of papers on Bigfeet, ghosts and aliens...a pile of laundry in the corner, all dark clothes, blue t-shirts...and several dozen paranormal posters littered the walls, including one of a flying saucer. And not just ANY flying saucer. "Is that from the X-Files series?" Two found himself asking, an intrigued expression coming to his features.

"Yes, the original one. I got it off of Ebay. Cost me two month's allowance too." Dib added, not taking his eyes off the alien scumbag. He wanted to jump through the air and do a karate kick to his head, hey, years of fighting with Zim meant he'd picked up a couple of tricks. But no, no, it was like he was rooted to the spot, and he knew EXACTLY why.

He tried to yank the ring off anew...hopeless. Two chuckled slightly as he snapped his fingers. "I used to watch the show when I was younger. Ahhhh, memories. Moving from dimension to dimension it's still nice to see that the more things change, the more they stay the same. Wait until I tell you about the second movie."

"Second movie?" Dib remarked, blinking stupidly.

"Oh, right, you don't know. Guess this world will never see it once I'm...well..." He chuckled coldly. "Once WE'RE finished. Go on, my little puppet. Eat breakfast. Say goodbye to your father with your sister. Then we begin, and I think I'll start by doing you a favor, and doing what all children dream of doing at one point or another...burning down your school."

"Why would you want to do that?" Dib growled angrily, fingers clenching almost like claws, eyes alit with fury. "What could you POSSIBLY gain from-"

"Do I look like a Bond Villain, my boy? I'm not TELLING you." The Irken chuckled. "But I'm in a good mood, so being the nice person I am, here's the deal. You get until Lunch Period's over. Then I'll take full control...and have you and your sister burn down the school and everyone and everything in it."

The Irken was suddenly up in Dib's face, smiling coldly, one hand gripping his chin, the other tapping Dib's ring. "You have until then to convince the others to get out, and don't bother trying to use your ring to convince them, I'll put it under a lock that won't open until it is finally time to BURN, baby, BURN." The Irken laughed. "Hey, you've been failing to get your classmates to listen for years. Maybe today's the day they'll finally listen!"

"You don't have to do this." Dib said, trying another tack, remembering the dream. Normally he wouldn't EVER negotiate with an alien, not even try, but...this was different. "You don't need to hurt anyone."

"But I do." Two whispered, raising his gloved claws up and clenching them. "...I DO."

Letting off cold-hearted laughter, the Irken jumped back out of the window, strolling off. Dib cursed under his breath. This was one of the few times an alien was out in the open! NO disguise! Why, WHY was nobody outside? Or LOOKING outside? What had their attention? Were they all still ASLEEP?

"So then he shot her, it was weird." The newest arrival on the "Okrah" show said to the titular host, Gaz munching on some cereal as the tall and weirdly surreal Prof. Membrane adjusted the goggles over his eyes, looking at the screen.

"This PULP is what the people are interested in?" He inquired.

"Yeeeeep." Gaz said nonchalantly through a mouthful of "Choco Frosted Sugar Bombs".

"And it's on every morning from 8 to 9? Without fail?"

"Yeeeeeeeeep."

"...what next, dancing panda bears?" Prof. Membrane mused sarcastically, rolling his eyes as he poured himself some coffee. He was getting better at this, he TRIED to be there during the day for breakfast if nothing else. And to think, it only took him a little over 10 years to actually start being somewhat of a good father figure.

"Mornin', Dad." Dib said, entering the kitchen and going to the fridge before shrinking away. Every time he tried to open the fridge, weird things happened. Last time he was SURE he'd heard a sneeze, and the mayonnaise had started yelling "The ketchup did it! The ketchup!" And ANOTHER time his father had left an experiment in there. Something had been living in the fridge.

"...is...the thing still in there?" Dib asked Prof. Membrane, inching away from the fridge and reaching for the knife drawer by the sink, pulling out a large carving knife as Gaz watched with interest.

"No, I'm fairly certain I moved him to the freezer." Prof. Membrane said, shaking his head back and forth. Smiling in relief, Dib wiped his brow and opened up the fridge...and was then forced to hack back several dozen tentacles before slamming the fridge shut. "Or maybe I forgot. Who keeps track?" Prof. Membrane added a moment later, putting a gloved finger to where his lip might have been...it was hard to tell, the white labcoat that he wore had a loooong collar that reached up high. You couldn't even see his nose!

"I'll just make some toast."

"SUPER-Toast?" Prof. Membrane asked expectantly.

"...er, I was thinking cinna-" Dib began to say, before he saw his father's slowly drooping expression. "SUPER-Cinnamon Toast." He quickly changed his mind, nodding enthusiastically.

"EXCELLENT choice, my son!" Prof. Membrane agreed, clapping Dib on the shoulder and moving to the cupboard to get the cinnamon sugar for his boy. "I can only spare 110 more seconds but I'd be HAPPY to get your cinnamon toast started!"

"...thanks, Dad." Dib said quietly. "I...I really appreciate it. And...appreciate you." He murmured.

"What will that thing make me do to the ones I love?"He thought sadly to himself, sitting in the chair next to Gaz as she quietly looked over at him, a faint flicker of genuine regret passing over her face for an instant.

...

...the Beautiful Angel clutched his mother's paw, looking down at her closed eyes. She looked so...worn and tired. So sad...so lost...so forgotten. She was a sad little doll that had been tossed into a closet to be forgotten about. She lay there in the ornately-draped bed inside of the crystalline palace that hovered high above the clouds, hidden from all sight not by ignorance on behalf of humanity, but by carefully-constructed machinations, creations of Zerinim Two, and of the robot that calmly watched, her face solemn before she turned her red-helmed head away from the sight of her beloved kneeling by his dying mother.

"C'mon...just a few more days, momma." He whispered, his golden/amber eyes gazing down upon his beloved mother. "...just a few more days and maybe we can end all of this...get our world back...and bring all of us back to normal."

"Is she...any better? Any worse?"

The Angel looked up. Zerinim Two's face was normally a window...behind his eyes you could tell he was barely suppressing a furious rage within. Now that window was cracked, but not showing rage...but deep, deep concern and sadness...

Personal loss...one of the greatest causes of rage in the world.

"No. And...and I've been talking with her and...she kept asking about the plan." The Angel went on, sighing as he stood up, brushing his thick slightly-light-brown locks of hair back. "You know that this base Earth is very...unstable. It's got the seeds of potential for all the other stories, but if this plan works, I'm worried what'll happen to the other-"

"Who GIVES a rat's ass?" Two snapped angrily, cutting his hand in the air to shut him up. "Azzy, these people are awful. AW-FUL. I might have been petty and selfish but when it came down to it, I ALWAYS put doing what was right for the ones I loved and for the world I loved at the forefront! Do you think ANY of the so-called "cornerstones" of this Base Earth would?"

"...I don't know." The Beautiful Angel admitted softly, honestly. "...I'd like to believe that some of them would."

"I'm sorry that "some of them" isn't enough." Two spoke quietly, folding his arms. "You know...I saw into Dib's mind when I controlled him. He has a family. He has a father. He has a sister. And his life's been slowly getting better for the past five years. Zim getting more considerate, Gaz becoming more tolerant, his father's actually eating BREAKFAST with them!"

That made the woman in the bed chuckle slightly. "Brekkie? N-no kiddin'? Ame kef, never thought he'd actually..." Her chuckling dissolved into pained coughs as she held her paw over her mouth and Two gently patted her forehead. "I'm...sorry I'm so friggin' useless now."

"It'll be alright, maneem." Two whimpered, kneeling by his mother and kissing her paw as a blue-furred being entered, Two rubbing his eyes as he left the room. The blue-furred being took off his cap, letting his hair fall down as he nervously chewed his lip, gazing at his aunt.

"...are we really gonna go through with this? I want the world back but..." He sighed. "...what he's making Dib do isn't...it isn't right."

"I want you to have this." The Beautiful Angel said, giving the blue-furred bounty hunter a pad of paper he had in a pack slung around his shoulder. "It's notes that mother took. I've read it five dozen times..." He trailed off, taking his mother's paw again.

The blue-furred being chewed his lip again, walking out of the room as he went to stand on a balcony, reading the journal as the robot stepped out on the balcony to join him.

"I shall be meeting with MY personal inductees today." She said in her emotionless tone, holding up the rings she would be using. "They shall join my Corps and I will then bring the two up here so that they may understand why we do what we do. I think he would go along with it anyway...a chance to destroy this world? Have "fun"? How could he say "no"?"

"Will you bother to tell him that once enough of this world's been destroyed by the Cornerstones, he'll get folded into the historical fabric?" The bounty hunter wanted to know.

"That's on a "need-to-know" basis." The robot said, a flicker of amusement passing over her metallic features as she sauntered back into the crystalline palace, leaving the bounty hunter alone on the balcony as he reached into his pocket, pulling out two small rings of his own. One was shining slightly, a chosen partner found, but the other...it's light was dull.

"...why isn't it lit up? What's it missing? WHO is it missing? I might have been the first to get ahold of these, but...can't do this alone..." He murmured, putting them back in his pocket, his paw going over the journal to his side, over an entry stained by teardrops.

...

...Dib nervously gripped his pants pockets as he looked out the window of the bus, sitting in the back with Gaz as she looked over at him. "Any ideas?" She asked sarcastically.

"...I thought about offering twenty bucks to everyone to leave school right after lunch...but my allowance isn't THAT high." Dib admitted, pulling out his wallet and opening it, a tiny moth fluttering out as Gaz rolled her eyes.

"And just TELLING them the truth won't help either, will it?" She asked. "They'd never believe you. Well, they might if you tried to use that thing in front of them, but-"

"It's not working." Dib mumbled, shaking his fist angrily, the ring uselessly dull. "I'm trying and trying...but he meant it...he shut it off. And after lunch, it turns on...and I turn into a living weapon. He'll drive me like I'm a BATTLEBOT."

Gaz looked around the bus, eyes narrowing darkly. "...Dib...what's wrong with this picture?" She asked quietly, dangerously.

Dib looked up from his lap, glancing around.

"Notice anything...missing?"

Suddenly it hit him. Zim. Skoodge. Gretchen. Nick. All four of them were gone. How strange...how very, very strange...

The bus came to a stop as everyone headed into the school, their new guidance counselor greeting the children at the door. He saw Dib's clearly sullen expression and his gentle green eyes softened. A hand reached out, placed squarely on Dib's right shoulder. "Dib, is something the matter?" Mr. Thildari inquired, one eyebrow raised high over a head with perfectly-combed grey hair.

"...nothing you could help with, sir." Dib told him as Gaz headed inside. "You've been more help than the last guidance counselor I had, but...you can't help me with this."

"Aww, why not try me?" Mr. Thildari asked, moving Dib inside and sitting him down at a bench by a water fountain. "First period bell doesn't ring for a whole seven..." He checked his watch. "...six whole minutes!"

"...I need to get everyone out of the school before lunch. And I mean EVERYONE. Even that creepy janitor." Dib told the guidance counselor, leaning back in the chair, Two's smirk lingering in his mind. "Or else something terrible is going to happen."

"Dib, did a friend of yours say they're going to blow up the school?" The guidance counselor wanted to know, his darkened skin paling slightly.

Dib's eyes went wide.

There it was...

...hope. Why hadn't he seen it before? It was such a simple solution.

"Yes, yes." Dib said fervently. "...except he's not really a friend, he...he said he was going to blow the whole school sky-high after lunch period, Mr. Thildari." Dib informed the guidance counselor, shaking him by his shoulders, back and forth, back and forth.

The guidance counselor looked deep into Dib's eyes, mouth becoming a taut line as if "reading" him. He rubbed his chin thoughtfully before closing his green eyes and letting out a soft, long sigh. "I believe you." He told Dib. "I'll inform the principal and vice principal about this, and I'll have everyone escorted out of the building until the police can search the grounds."

Dib inwardly cheered for joy as Mr. Thildari stood up and headed for the staff wing, punching the air as he headed off to class. He won. He'd WON.

Or at least...so he thought.

"I should have KNOWN you'd cheat." Two muttered furiously, sitting in a tree outside of school, his fists clenching tightly as red energy swirled off his body like sparks off a fire as his own ring swirled around him like a tiny fly, buzzing, buzzing.

"Calling in help like that, you great big cheater...well, you're about to find out that I'm just as petty and immature as you, Dib Membrane..." The Irken chuckled darkly. "I suppose the saying's true. If you want something done right..."

He hopped down from the tree, making his way towards the school as red energy seeped off his body, his footprints leaving behind burning indents within the ground as he chuckled coldly.

"You have to do it yourself."

#invader zim #zim #superhero #superheroes #Dib #Gaz #Two #Zerinim #action #adventure #fanfic #fanfiction

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lihikainanea · 3 years

Note

i remember you mentioned a few days ago about some prompts you’ve written but haven’t released cause they’re pretty intense. i know id love to read them and if you wanted to share them, maybe just throw a TW before and a super big warning? i love all your work, it’s been on my mind for WEEKS! -🧚‍♀️ (also i’m sorry if i dm too much)

Oh sweet fae bae, I look forward to your messages so much <3

I think the reason why I haven’t posted them, even with heavy trigger warnings, is because I don’t entirely know how I would defend my thoughts and those writings on such a wide level. I feel some weird sense of responsibility on this platform, when it comes to my writing and what I put out there in the universe--and maybe I shouldn’t feel it, but I do.

And I feel it because I WAS that 14 or 15 year old reading erotica online, because I was learning about my body and trying to navigate through all of these new, really intense feelings popping up. And I think us writers can beg and plead and mark our blogs as 18+ all we like, the fact of the matter is there will be people who are not 18, who are reading it. Part of me understands that. And if I’m being quite honest, part of me is actually a little glad if a young woman who is trying to navigate her own sexuality finds a blog or a piece of fiction that details the importance of female pleasure, details that her partner ought to make her feel safe and loved and that that is the BARE MINIMUM, a writing that lets her know that it’s okay to wait, that it’s okay not to wait, that it’s okay to want to stop, and that respect, safety, and care is the BARE MINIMUM that she should expect from any experience. To be frank, I’d rather that someone who is discovering their own sexuality finds some solace in writings and blogs instead of just some porn video that some dude her age shoved in her face.

And everything I write here, I can defend. I can defend Bill and tiger’s dom/sub relationship. I can defend when he takes what he wants because tiger always has a safe word, and her safe word always works.

But some of the private things I’ve written are dub con at best, and while I feel safe enough to write that and enjoy it myself, I don’t know how I would defend it on this platform. Because I know my state of mind when I write it, I know what tiger is thinking when I write it, and to me that makes it safe. But you all don’t. And it just...it leaves too much room for interpretation. I know what I’m thinking when I write that maybe he knows that she wants it before she even knows, but I think that is a VERY dangerous thought to put out to this wide of an audience--this concept that maybe somebody else knows your body and your wants better than you do. That’s a concept I am not, under any circumstances, ready to defend or condone. It’s not a concept I am willing to put out there as acceptable. Its not a concept I will ever be able to defend.

And more than anything, that’s why I haven’t put those writings out there.

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captainelsaeverdeen · 4 years

Text

I like me better when I’m with you ~Part 3.

It’s heeeeeere! Yay! I started thinking about making an another blog to upload my imagines about this pretty boy you see up there, to not upload them here, on my main blog, but we’ll see! I hope you will enjoy this as much as I do writing it!

summary: based on ‘To All The Boys I Loved Before’. Y/N Henderson used to be in love a couple of times. This time she’s sure it’s something bigger, something serious. Her love for Jonathan Byers is unlimited, untamed and endless. At least she thought so. Read Part 1 and Part 2 here.

Calm down. Just calm down.

With each step, your heart was beating harder. Although it was pretty cold at home, you could feel yourself sweating under your shirt. Your best friend was waiting in the living room, talking to your mom when you stopped on the stairs to save time. But he noticed you. He smiled politely and came closer, licked his lips nervously.

“I think we should talk” he whispered. “Can we go upstairs?” “Of course” you murmured, leading him down the way that he knew so well. Dustin looked curious from his room, but you locked the door as soon as possible. “I... I don't even know what to say” Jonathan whispered so quietly that you could barely hear him. “You don't have to say anything” you laughed awkwardly. “It... I don't know what it is. I probably wrote it a hundred years ago. Maybe in high school. I was cleaning up the attic, maybe Dustin and Will found it and wanted to have fun by pissing me off”.

“You believe that Will... or your brother would have been able to do it?” Jonathan asked slowly, his fingers clamped on a thin envelope. You ran away with your eyes, your tongue burned you from your lies. “They're just kids. I once hid his Jedi figures when he broke my walkaman”.

“But we're not in kindergarten anymore, Y/N” your friend insisted, coming closer. He raised the letter to the height of your eyes so that you could see exactly all the words you wrote just yesterday. “I can't believe it's just a stupid joke. You wouldn't write it that way. You wouldn't put so much heart into it. So please don't be afraid to tell me it's true. I'm sure Nancy...” “You told Nancy?” you asked. You were so scared, cold shiver ran down your back.

“No. Not yet. And I'm probably not gonna do it” he was squeezing his nose in two fingers. “She's your friend. She'll understand. I'm sure she won't be mad. Y/N... I'm sorry, but I don't... I love you. But... I love Nancy too, in another, deeper way...” “I told you it was a joke” you broke it off, feeling your voice shaking. You heard the floor creaking in the hallway, and you clenched your hands on your shirt, hoping it wasn't Dustin. “I found an old letter and I don't know how it got to you, but it doesn't matter because... because...”

“Because?” Jonathan insisted, coming closer. The answer would be a lie, another lie. It's different to tell a teacher that you didn't do your homework because your brother vomited all day and you had to take care of him, and it's different to look into a friend's eyes and tell him that all the love, all the admiration for him described in the letter is not real. It would be easier with Steve. You'd tell the truth there. You didn't like him, not anymore. With Steve...

“Because?” Jonathan was growing impatient. His pupils dilated, his eyes were stuck only in you, his friend, his confidant, his advisor. If you confess, and he says again that what you dream of will never happen, your heart will be in a terrible condition. “Y/N?”

“You don't have to worry about that because I'm in love with somebody else “you said quickly, suprising him and yourself as well. Jonathan was shocked, the letter finally disappeared from your eyes. “What... in who? You have... you have a boyfriend and you didn't tell us anything?” “I didn't tell you because... I was afraid of your opinion. Especially Nancy. It's new, fresh, I didn't want to jam, I was afraid it wouldn't work, so...” “But who is it?” Jonathan interrupted your rambling and sat on the bed. “Do I know him?”

“It's Steve” you said, blinking fast. Jonathan looked like you hit him with a chair. He opened and closed his mouth, not knowing what to say. If you were a cartoon character, there'd probably be a lot of smoke coming out of his head from thinking hard. “You're serious?” he finally got out of his mind. “But... when did this happen? He asked you out?”

“I did” you said smiling. Funny. Once you start lying, the rest of lies start coming so easy, you don't even have to try. “A few days ago. I figured Nancy wouldn't mind. I just told Robin. Dustin... Dustin doesn't know anything about this”. “Oh my freaking god” Jonathan sighed in disbelief, and then he finally smiled for the first time since he went into his room. “So this is really just a stupid joke?” “Yeah” you laughed but really you wanted to cry out of stress. “But don't tell Will about it. I don't want him to have problems because of something like this... irrelevant. I forgive them.”

“Who are you and what have you done with Y/N?” Jonathan smirked. “I know you feel like killing them.” “Not them. Just myself” Jonathan smirked, but it wasn't a joke. “It's even flattering, you know” he shrugged his shoulder. “That you liked me in middle school. You wrote pretty mature for a little kid.” “I've been able to get out of English class with honors” you said dreaming of getting him out.

“I'd love to tease you more because of this, but I promised my mom I'd only go for a while. If you don't mind...” he stopped talking when you opened the door. “No, I don't mind” you smiled a little bit. “I'm sorry I ran away then”. “You were afraid I'd catch you with a new boyfriend, I know. Nancy will be damn surprised.”

“Don't tell her” you told fast, too fast not to arouse a suspicion. You swallowed seeing his surprised look, his eyebrows wrinkled in misunderstanding. “I want to do it myself. I should've done it before, but since the boys have found out that way...” “I'll be silent as the corpse” Jonathan smashed your hair and pretended to lock his mouth with his hand. And he left. The whole scene, the show the show you played for him lasted only a few minutes , and you felt like it was dragging on for hours. The pressure in your chest eased, you breathed deeply, hearing Dustin already moving into your room to ask what was going on.

You and Steve Harrington. That's ridiculous.

The food was disgusting. Steve usually loved Thursdays, Thursdays were the only day when Glory, the cook at school, was up to the task and cooked something that he really could eat at least once a week, but just looking at a dry turkey made him sick.

“Take as much as you want. I won’t eat that” he was disgusted, looking at his basketball teammates he's been sitting with since lunch with Carol and Tommy became an anguish. “You've got to keep in shape, man. You can't just drink chocolate milk.” “Well, that's what I'm gonna do. It's the only thing I don't throw up from” he shrugged, taking a straw between his teeth.

“Hey, Steve” he heard someone behind him and almost choked on the milk. His friends were snorting laughing, revealing the rest of the food in their mouth. Steve coughed and turned around, seeing you in the middle of tall, muscular boys, plucking the cuticles at your nails out of stress. “Here comes the meat” one of his friends laughed, slicing turkey. ”Are you lost, babygirl?”

“Choke on this trash” Steve threw a napkin at him and stood up. “Yeah, Y/N?” “Can we talk? Somewhere where you'll finish your dinner and where will be quiet?” she asked, biting her lower lip. “I... yeah, yeah, of course. Let's find an empty table” he said, scratching the back of his neck. “Loser” he heard passing by Carol, who was scanning Dustin's sister, walking ahead. He showed her the middle finger, hoping that the girl ahead of him hadn't noticed anything.

“Listen” Y/N sat opposite him at the table under the window. Someone spilled a Coke on it trying to wipe it off with a ton of napkins. “I'm sorry I ran away last time you wanted to talk to me. It was inappropriate, childish and impulsive. So... I'm sorry”.

“You've already said you're sorry” he said, leaning more comfortable in the chair. “I'm sorry” you said again, wanting to smash your head against the table. “Look... I want to make this clear. I'm flattered, but... I just broke up with Nancy.” “I see you're trying to reject me, but that's not what I want to talk about, and I certainly don't want to hear it for the second time this week” you sighned, running your hand through your hair. “I did... something stupid. And I don't mean to send you a letter. Stephen Harrington, I don't want to go out with you. But... I told somebody that I want to. That we're dating”.

Sometimes in difficult situations, his brain couldn't keep up with what was going on, and so it was this time. Her words didn't seem to reach him, he needed a moment to understand them. “If you'd like to continue your thought, I'd be very grateful” he said, so freaking confused. “I don't like you” you got him distracted even more. “Oh, God, that was rude, I'm...”

“Please, don't say you're sorry” he asked, wanted you to tell him what you mean as soon as possible. “I like you, but not in that way. But I had to say something, anything to make the boy I really like think I don't like him. I panicked and somehow you were the first person I thought of. I know I shouldn't have. I know I did wrong and I know I'm gonna burn in hell for it, but I did”.

“Who's so perfect that you had to lie instead of tell him the truth?” he asked, drinking the rest of his milk, making annoying noises. “And why did you think of me first?” “I don't know” you groaned, being super embarrassed. “I was thinking about our conversation on the field, how terrified I was that you really had that letter... And I won't tell you who I'm talking about now.”

“Well, I guess you'll have to, because I don't think you just came to admit what you did. You need my help. Otherwise, you wouldn't want to talk to me” he noticed and he was absolutely right. You sighed in and looked for Jonathan, who embraced Nancy's arm and offered her cookies. Steve turned around the same way. “Nooooo. There's no way in hell that all of this is about Jonathan Byers” “Why not?” you moved your shoulder. “Jonathan is a wonderful guy”.

“Yeah, but he's dating my ex” Steve sighned. “And you're in love with him. And I'm...” “I know how complicated it is. I know. He got a letter too” “Woah, woah, woah, hold on, hold on, stop” Steve squinted his eyes. “I'm not the only one who got the letter?” “I was sure I mentioned that it wasn't just one” you bite your lower lip once more. “No, you didn't” he rolled his eyes dramatically. “You think you're special, and the second letter comes out.”

“And the third one” you added, drumming your fingers against the table. “And the fourth one. And even a fifth”. “Five love letters?” Steve couldn't believe it. When was the last time he saw you with a boy who wasn't Jonathan or your brother? “Damn it, Henderson, you're a player”. “And who says that” you muttered. Steve stopped talking. He realized he shouldn't have said anything about it. “Steve... if I confess, I'll lose him and her. And I can't allow that. That's why I'm asking you for help. I'm asking you to... a month, two months to pretend that... that you're my boyfriend.”

“Pretending?” Steve got lively, couldn't believe his ears. He wanted to help, even very much. He wanted to compensate you for those years when you had no contact. But so many things could have gone wrong. So many things could have screwed up. It was never your style. “We don't have to exaggerate” you said quickly. “We can... just be sensitive at school, hold hands, walk to class. Besides, we don't have to convince everyone that our relationship is real. All we need is Jonathan and Nancy to believe us. That's all I ask”.

Steve didn't know what to say. What's the worst that could happen? He liked you. You used to be his friend. He'd have a chance to help you. He knew what it's like when rejection hurts so much that it's all over your mind. He'd make it easier for you. You could have suffered less than he suffered. “I'm sorry to have bothered you at all. That's ridiculous” you sighned, getting up.

“Wait a minute” Steve leaned over in the chair, grabbing your wrist. You turned around, looking at him with such hope in your eyes that he knew he would agree before he even said so. He was watching people in the canteen. Not everyone noticed them, but he saw some jealous looks from other girls, whispers from his teammates. And most importantly, he saw Jonathan and Nancy. He was smiling, she didn't know what was going on and you could see how much she wanted to ask her boyfriend about it. People will finally stop talking about how she broke his heart. And he'll finally have a chance to heal from her.

“If we're gonna do this, we're gonna do this right. and absolutely everyone will believe us” he said with a smile, getting you out of the canteen by the hand.

The sports hall was empty at lunchtime. You sat down crossing your legs on the blue mattress, taking out page from your notebook and pen, while Steve threw the ball into the basket, humming "I'm So Excited" by The Pointer Sisters under his breath.

“We need to set some rules” you said. Your voice echoed from an empty room. Steve threw the ball back in the basket. That's why we're gonna make a contract. “First of all... Steve, I don't want you to kiss me”. “No shit” Steve stopped bouncing the ball off the floor. “Who will believe this relationship if I can't kiss you?”

“I'm sure it would be just as uncomfortable for you as it would be for me. Don't get me wrong... I'm sure you're doing it right, but I don't see the point.” “Henderson, are you even going to high school?” Steve groaned and sat next to you on a mattress, pressing his knees to his chest. “Those people are hungry wolves. From now on, they'll analyze our every move, they'll talk about it here and then in their homes. And we don't want anyone to have any doubts, right? We're supposed to be credible”.

“Like I said, I just want Jonathan and Nancy to believe us”. “Yeah, but if I'm not mistaken, you need me for that, and I should have something to say” Steve pointed out a contract with only your names written on it so far. “And I want at least half the school to believe us. Unfortunately, you have to make a compromise”. “I hate compromises. No one is fully happy” Steve woven his hands behind his head and lay down on the mattress next to you. “But okay. I'll think about it”.

“But fast. Write” Steve got up. He seemed so excited, he couldn't sit still. “As your boyfriend, I have the right to walk you for any lesson and wait for you at your locker. And I'm taking you to school. With my car. And you sit with me during lunch”. “I'm always sitting with my friends. Mostly with Robin” you said. “I'm sure she'll be thrilled” Steve moved her arm. “What else... you can wear my sunglasses”.

“I won't need them inside of the building” you frowned your eyebrows. “That's not what wearing them is about. It's about looking good” Steve said, as if it was obvious. “And... I can keep my hand in the back pocket of your jeans. That's it.” “It's... those are your terms?” you made sure, while you read what you wrote quietly. “Is the pocket necessary?”

“If we don't have to kiss, or do it quite rarely, then yes, it is necessary”. “Let it be” you nodded your head. “My turn. No one can know we're pretending. Except for Robin”. “Why is Robin different than everyone else?” Steve squinted, raising his head to look at you. “I lied to two of my best friends, so she needs to know the truth. Even if I tried to lie, she would know it wasn't true. She knows me too well. And horror movie nights”.

“Horror movie night” Steve repeated slowly. “Will we go through Hawkins and murder innocent people?”

“You amaze me, Steve. Sometimes I really have to sit in silence for a while to be able to answer you” you've twisted your head. “We watch scary movies every week. Either with Dustin or Jonathan and Nancy, unless they're playing something new in the cinema. You have to start doing it with us.” “Everything for my girlfriend” he said, shaking his shoulder. Something warm was spreading through your cheeks. It couldn't have been the blush. Steve is not the boy who makes you blush. He embarrasses you, that's all. You're not the only girl who works like that.

“Oh, one more” Steve smiled. “You have to come to my matches. And parties.” “I saw it coming” you nodded your head. “I have no problem with that. There's something else... when you said you were gonna drive me to school, you'd have to take Dustin too”. “I thought you wouldn't want him to know.” Steve said not understanding. “I don't know if I'm gonna tell him yet. But until I do, he'll never forgive me for driving a BMW, and he's still getting to school by bike. I'll have hell at home.”

“Yeah, no problem. Sure. That bastard's pretty cute” Steve agreed. You signed the contract with your name, then you gave him a pen. The boy ran his eyes over the page again, his long eyelashes were sweeping through his brown irises like a fan. He breathed deeply and signed himself, smiling at one corner of his mouth. “And this way, we have a deal.”

“We have a deal” you nodded, hearing the bell ringing which was the sing that your lunch break was over. “I have to find Robin. And tell her about it as soon as possible.” “From the tone of your voice, I guess she won't be delighted” Steve got up from the mattress. You moved your shoulder, looking for a walkman in a bag. You put the headphones on your ears, seeing Steve look at you with curiosity. So many years. Why didn't he ever talk to you before? Why did you only start talking now that you had to save your friendship with Jonathan and Nancy? Maybe if he hadn't broken contact with you, it wouldn't have seemed so awkward, so weird. He didn't even know how to talk to you. Does this Y/N still like the same things she liked when she combed her hair into two ponytails and ate breadcrumb-free sandwiches?

“Robin will understand. She usually does crazy things and has crazy ideas. She'll understand that there was no other way out” you said. Steve licked his lips and nodded his head. He put his arm around you and took the headphones off your ears to take your hair out and be able to kiss your cheek. A sudden touch of his lips made your heart go down your throat, your body reacted faster than your mind. It's just Steve. It's just a harmless Steve. It'll be over in a month.

“Let's show them how much we love each other” the boy smiled, leading you out of the gym, straight into the jungle of bodies, gossiping girls and stupid boys. Before you got to your locker, his hand was already in the back pocket of your jeans.

Taglist: @krazykatkay456 @mochminnie @ghostineleven @the-almond-dinger @art-flirt

#steve harrington imagine #steve harrington #jonathan byers imagine #jonathan byers #steve harrington x reader #stranger things #stranger things imagine

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gwoongi · 4 years

Text

(abandoned) i don’t want it at all

jeon jeongguk / reader genre: sugar baby au, sugar-babies-scamming-the-same-daddy-au rating: mature themes words: 2.3k warnings: sugar babies a/n: i would have liked 2 finish this one and maybe i will one day but for now here is the incomplete first draft that makes me laugh still

His dorm for first year had been a prison-cell-box with a broken window and bunk beds, the stale smell of farts from his roommate who insisted on top-bunk and made his evenings and early mornings absolute hell- but hey, he’s getting a fancy degree at the end, so it’s worth it, right? Jeongguk’s not sure if it’s worth it anymore.

(1)

Jeongguk was broke.

It was his own fault - that’s the price you pay for enrolling in University, studying something he probably doesn’t actually need but loves. It’s all fine and dandy studying Music until he realises that famous musicians don’t become famous because they got a degree. Ask any musician how they made it big and they’ll reply with good luck and hard work, not some fancy degree that means nothing unless you’ve got the talent to be successful. Well shit, now it’s in perspective, Jeongguk’s spending all this money on a degree that’s probably not going to make a difference when the time comes.

Now he has a part-time job at a random pizza takeaway that makes no money because Dominoes opened up across the street a few weeks ago, and he’s barely making enough to buy him more than two packets of instant noodles at a time. His dorm for first year had been a prison-cell-box with a broken window and bunk beds, the stale smell of farts from his roommate who insisted on top-bunk and made his evenings and early mornings absolute hell- but hey, he’s getting a fancy degree at the end, so it’s worth it, right? Jeongguk’s not sure if it’s worth it anymore.

This evening, the library is fairly quiet. Across the stacks are small candles inside black lanterns, a Harry Potter-esque vibe filling the room as the clock rolls into ten. Jeongguk loves when the school year ends, because for the past week, it’s only been the sad and broke music kids doing exams, meaning the library is virtually empty now that everybody else has finished up. Jeongguk’s last exam was yesterday. Huffing out a sigh that turns one of the only other heads in the library in his direction, he stretches his arms up over his head and arches his head backwards.

“Where’re you going over summer?”

Yoongi is another sad and broke music student, a third-going-fourth year who met Jeongguk in the music society during Jeongguk’s first weekend at University. Leaning his chair back on two legs, he throws a paper ball into the air and catches it, not even looking at Jeongguk as he talks to him.

Jeongguk shrugs in reply, tapping his nails against his laptop. “Dunno. Home, I guess.”

“Any plans?” Yoongi asks. “Wanna go to Lollapalooza?”

“Can’t afford it,” Jeongguk sighs, as Yoongi forces out a, “me neither” in between a chortled laugh. “And I don’t know. Probably going to have to get another job.”

“Good,” replies Yoongi, yawning loudly. “You can’t keep working at that shithole. I’m your only friend, and even I go to Dominoes instead of where you work.” As an afterthought, he looks at Jeongguk with a small frown, “sorry.”

Shaking his head in reply, Jeongguk slumps in his chair and sighs once again. Yoongi’s just suddenly put it all into perspective for him; Yoongi’s his only friend, he works a job that barely puts a meal onto his plate, and it’s not going to get any easier.

The ball in Yoongi’s hand begins to bounce again and Jeongguk glances over at the student librarian, who buries her head into the crook of her elbow and sleeps her way through her night-shift. It’s only Jeongguk, Yoongi and four others in the library right now; none of them are reading, none of them are doing anything particularly productive. Two students are tucked into an alcove pouring wine quite openly into small glasses with a board of chess unfolded out on the table, the others on computers, wishing the night away. Jeongguk just doesn’t want to go back to his dorm, to where his roommate and his loaded to the brim stomach of Chinese food and unhealthy diets is waiting for him.

“You planning on staying here all night again?” questions Yoongi. He probs his feet up onto the partitioner under the table, accidentally kicking Jeongguk’s ankle in the process. “Sorry,” he adds.

“Yep,” Jeongguk replies, popping the ‘p’. “I’d literally rather sleep on the boys changing room floors than go back to my dorm.”

Yoongi rolls his eyes. “That’s disgusting, don’t be dramatic.”

“I’m being deadass,” Jeongguk insists, his eyes blown wide. “Want to swap dorms for the night? Ten dollars and you’ll be dry heaving in the hallway before midnight.”

“I’ll pass. Either way, you know my apartment is always open for you,” Yoongi reminds him. “You’ve got a key. Come by once you’ve finished whatever it is you’re doing. My wifi’s out.”

Another sigh. Jeongguk’s not defeated his boredom yet, the twitch in his fingers to do something still there. If he goes to Yoongi’s apartment now, he’ll just annoy him with the need to do something energetic, and Jeongguk knows best that Yoongi values his quiet time on an evening.

“Okay. Well, I’ll stay here for a little bit, and come by when I’m done,” Jeongguk says, stifling a yawn that would otherwise expose the fact that he’s absolutely knackered. “I won’t make a sound.”

“You will, you always do, I just pretend not to notice because I love you.” Yoongi says I love you with a disgusted face, sticking his tongue out with a fake gag that Jeongguk knows just proves how much he cares. Yoongi’s good like that, the more subtle type of loving older brother that Jeongguk’s been deprived of all his life. “Don’t stay out too late.”

“Won’t.”

Yoongi picks himself up and irons the aches out of his shoulders. “Cool. Stay safe and smart, Guk.”

“I can’t do both,” he sighs sadly, and Yoongi collects his bag and affectionately throws the paper ball at Jeongguk’s head. It bounces off and lands near one of the bookshelves. Neither picks it up, and Yoongi leaves the library. It dawns on Jeongguk three minutes after Yoongi leaves him that he’s actually really fucking lonely. Add that to the big long list of things Jeongguk is this year: friendless, broke, sad and lonely. God, he needs a hobby.

He also needs money. Very badly. After opening his phone and banking app and realising that he’s so close to slipping into the red, Jeongguk refrains from spending what he has left on something fried and takeaway and opens Google. One click, a few types: How to make money fast. Google will know what to do.

Jeongguk scrolls. Take online surveys and get paid NOW! No. Review apps and earn money! Not enough phone memory to download an app to review it, he scrolls down. Lonely AND Horny? Get yourself a Sugar Daddy TODAY! Oh? He’s listening.

The blog that opens up as he clicks the link is somebody’s personal blog, the title in a gross and thick font that Jeongguk almost can’t read. They talk a while about why you shouldn’t become a sugar-baby, but Jeongguk remembers that one time Tana Mongeau did a storytime on how she had a Daddy and got a lot of money, and Jeongguk’s got assets. He’s smart, has abs on a good day, and his dick isn’t half bad looking. That’s what Yooa had said to him, anyway. Finally, there’s a hyperlink to Seeking Arrangements, and Jeongguk feels kind of overwhelmed.

At least once in their lives, everybody’s thought about being a Sugar Baby. Jeongguk definitely has, all the damn time when he’s sitting around at work doing nothing because they’re about as busy as one can expect for a pizza place with two stars and a rival Dominoes parallel from the front. He’s even read about experiences, where people meet their daddies or mommies on the streets or through apps- and there was even that one crazy story about somebody’s Principal becoming their sugar Daddy, or something, he can’t quite remember. Regardless, Jeongguk’s entertained this thought before.

He looks down at himself. If he really tried his best, he could be kind of good at it. Without sounding conceited, Jeongguk’s good looking. What lets him down at school is the fact that he always dresses lazily and ignores people, rejects requests to go out and then complains to Yoongi about not having friends who hang out with him. All he needs is to fix his appearance, upload his best photographs, and he could secure the bag quite easily.

Jeongguk fills in the boxes and makes an account. petkoo is what he decides to name himself, and he picks his best selfie off Instagram as an icon. He leans back, as if a look from far away will change the way it looks. It’ll do. Luckily for him, he’s into men and women, and it just so happens that American men are both the dumbest and easiest to please. Suddenly, he’s excited, his leg bouncing under the table until he hits his knee and stops. The student librarian raises her head quickly, afraid that a member of staff’s come in to supervise. They haven’t, and so she drops her head again. Ten fifty three, ish. Jeongguk blinks sleepily.

All that’s left to do is get his account verified, and life will be forever changed.

(He hopes).

(2)

Yoongi’s apartment is off campus, about fifteen minutes away if he’s walking. It’s small, but significantly bigger than Jeongguk’s dorm on campus, and decorated with whites and creams, big and open windows letting in golden light, when the time’s right. It’s the type of apartment you saw online, on Tumblr posts or in movies, looking like a perfect backdrop - sometimes, Jeongguk can’t believe that Yoongi lives here, and wakes up every morning to the view of the city below his window, power lines like train tracks connecting houses, dangling fairy-lights on the trelacing of his across-the-street-neighbour’s rooftop.

That being said, Jeongguk technically lives here, too. He doesn’t know how long it’s been since he’s actually stepped foot in his dorm at the same time as his roommate; he only goes in there to collect things one at a time. Today, for example, he had dropped by to empty out his small and pathetic wardrobe and put it inside one suitcase, wheeling it right up to Yoongi’s front door with a bright smile that Yoongi couldn’t say no to. His couch in the living room was Jeongguk’s comfortable bed when it wasn’t cold and when it was, Yoongi would huff and offer an invite into his bed, because he loves Jeongguk like he’s his baby brother, and it would suck if he died from pneumonia, or something. He said that to Jeongguk once. Jeongguk smiled for ten minutes afterwards.

Harry Potter plays on TV, the fourth movie because it’s Jeongguk’s favourite and Yoongi’s a sick man who can’t say no. It’s around five, and Jeongguk’s literally been holed up in Yoongi’s apartment the entire day. The most sunlight that he got was when he walked out of Yoongi’s house to take the trash out, and even then, the bin was in the shadows and the sun never touched his skin once. He can see the sunlight through the window, which technically counts. Yoongi cringes and takes away a plate from the coffee table.

“You’re allowed to stay at my place, as long as you clean up after yourself,” he says with a huff. His nose upturns with a scrunch, “No wonder you don’t have a girlfriend.”

“By choice!” Jeongguk adds, pulling a thread out from his sock. “They’re too much hard work.”

“You’re just fucking lazy,” Yoongi points out. He dumps the plate in the sink and comes back to Jeongguk. “You know that, don’t you?”

There’s a silence. Then a sigh, “Yeah.”

Jeongguk loves staying at Yoongi’s place, especially when Yoongi is feeling particularly soft and lets Jeongguk do whatever he wants, given he’s not going to get Yoongi a noise complaint in the morning. The movie continues to play undisturbed, the sight of Beauxbatons’ carriage swooping over towards the runway leaving Jeongguk with an open-mouthed smile on his face and Yoongi folds his arms, burying himself further into the sofa. On the coffee table, Yoongi’s laid out some snacks, both his phone and Jeongguk’s laying down flat because it’s supposed to keep Jeongguk distraction free, even though he’s the type of friend to never be on his phone around his friends unless he absolutely needs to be.

Another huff is in Yoongi’s mouth, begging to be huffed out. Over on the coffee table, Jeongguk’s phone lights up with his lock screen of Sansa Stark blurred out by a notification, the ringer on loud. Attention is pulled from Dumbledore to the light, Jeongguk’s brows lifting with interest but his eyes immediately back on the TV.

“Yoongi,” he calls out, and Yoongi glances over, “can you see who it’s from?” Could be his Mom, it could be important.

The huff is released. “Come into my house and boss me around…” Yoongi mutters under his breath and reaches for Jeongguk’s phone, pressing the home button to read the notification. He’s silent for a long moment, and Jeongguk’s so enthralled in the movie that he doesn’t notice, not until Yoongi looks at Jeongguk with a confused and funny look, his top lip curled to his nostrils as he blurts: “Why the hell are Seeking Arrangements telling you you’re profile’s ready?”

Jeongguk looks away so fast from the television that Yoongi’s almost frightened. His eyes are wide and twinkling, “They’ve finished it?”

“What the fuck.”

“Gimme!” Jeongguk splutters, his hand diving towards his phone urgently. “Bro...it’s been like, five days.”

Yoongi is bewildered. “Why do you have an account? What-why-when…?”

“I don’t know, I need money and I thought it would be funny,” Jeongguk shrugs. His thumb moves quickly across his phone screen. “I can’t believe they’re done. I’m gonna be rich, Yoongi.”

“Do you know how sketchy half the people on that site are?” Yoongi questions. “Plus they’re all old and perverted men.”

“Rich men.”

“Rich, old and perverted,” Yoongi nods. “Guk, I know I said you needed another job...but this doesn’t qualify. I’d rather you flip paper thin pizzas.”

#me posting all my abandoned wips for attention and something to do #bts #bangtan #jungkook #jeongguk #jungkook scenario #jungkook imagine #sugar baby au #bts imagine #bts scenario #jeon jungkook #jungkook x reader #jjk #gwoongi #abandoned

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lovemesomesurveys · 3 years

Text

Has anybody ever stole your happy? More like life stuff and health issues did. And depression is a real bitch.

What does your Facebook/Myspace status say? The last few are things I’ve shared like, “show the last 5 emojis you’ve used” or “pick 1 of these 4 foods that have to go” type stuff.

Have you ever played games with someones head? I don’t think so. I’ve had people play games with mine.

Have you changed throughout the years? Yes. A lot changed these past 6 years and not in a good way. And also a lot hasn’t changed that really needs to.

Are you doing anything important tomorrow? No.

What are you wearing right now? I’m wearing leggings and a long-sleeve shirt.

What do you currently hear right now? I’m watching Teen Mom OG. Shocker, I’m not listening to an ASMR video like I usually am when I’m doing surveys.

Do you get creeped out from people who have lazy eyes? No?

Do you need to forget about someone right now? No.

Do you answer blocked calls on your phone? I don’t answer calls from unknown numbers.

What color is your cellphone? Gold.

How much money do you have on you right now? I don’t have any on me.

What type of survey do you refuse to take? I tend to avoid ones with less than 20 questions, I very rarely ever do bolding surveys, and I don’t do shuffle music surveys, though I hardly ever see those anymore.

Are you a good speller? I think so.

What is your favorite song of the moment? I don’t have a particular current favorite. I haven’t been listening to music, lately. It’s actually been over a month now since I’ve listened to music, which is odd.

When was the last time you ate ice cream? It’s been a few years.

What are you eatting right now? I’m not eating anything right now, but I need to soon.

What do you currently smell? I don’t smell anything at the moment.

Have you ever snuck out of the house? Nope.

Do you like to run? No.

Do you think you could run the mile in 10 minutes? Absolutely not. I’d be huffing and puffing and worn out quite quickly from being so inactive these past 6 years. Let’s be real, I wouldn’t even attempt it at all. I don’t have the energy for that.

Where do you plan on going this summer? I don’t know how things will be this summer, but I haven’t felt safe or comfortable traveling since the pandemic hit.

I won't take a survey if it isnt more than _____ questions. It’s gotta be at least 20 questions.

One thing that can make you smile no matter what. My doggo.

What is something special about your town? My town sucks, ha.

How many surveys a day do you take? Usually, like 5 or so at least. Some days more, some days less.

Do you think people should make more surveys? I hope people keep making them and I’ll keep taking them.

What were you doing before this survey? Another survey while watching Ghosted.

When was the last time you logged onto Facebook/Myspace? I stay logged in, but I last checked my Facebook like 20 minutes ago.

What are you craving right now? Wingstop.

I am gonna get something to drink, do you need anything? I have my coffee, but thanks.

What was the longest movie you watched? A little over 3 hours.

Do you really think the world will end in 2012? Welp, we’re still here in 2021.

When cheese gets his picture taken what does he say? HAHA That was cheeeeesy.

Have you ever been to a job interview? No.

Do you wear a lot of makeup? I haven’t worn any makeup in a little over 3 years now.

Do you love soft pretzels? Yeah. It’s been years since I’ve had one, though.

Do you use IM anymore? Just Facebook Messenger now and then.

Who was the last person to call you? My mom.

Tell me about the last movie you watched. It was that Disney movie, Soul.

Have you ever played 21 questions? Yeah.

When was the last time you talked to your last ex boyfriend? Like 6 years ago.

Is your dog mixed or full? She’s a German Shepherd and Lab mix.

Do you like kool-aid? If so, what's your favorite flavor? I loved it as a kid. I haven’t had it since then.

When was the last time you sent a letter through the mail? Several years ago.

Do you know anybody in prison right now? Yes.

What was the last thing you and your mother did together? We caught up on some of the shows we watch together.

Are you attending any parties this weekend? No.

What are your plans for the weekend anyway? Same stuff I do everyday.

Do you take good pictures? Ew, no.

Am I your friend on Bzoink? I don’t have a Bzoink account.

Do you add people for their surveys or for friendship? This is my survey blog so I follow other survey blogs.

What is your display picture on myspace/facebook right now? Same one I have on here.

What is going on outside right now? I don’t know.

Do you miss anybody right now? I’ll always miss my loved ones who have passed away.

Who was the last person you kissed? Joseph, like 8 years ago.

Will you have sex tonight? No.

What color looks the best on you? I don’t feel I look good in anything, but I feel most comfortable in black.

Have you ever bought the wrong size because you were too lazy to check it? No.

What was the last thing you bought over 5 dollars? Takeout out the other day.

Do you have any mag subscriptions? No.

Do you know anybody who is going to the marines this year or next? No.

Have you watched Dear John? I’ve seen parts of it.

I can't leave my house without _____ My phone, wallet, mask, and hand sanitizer.

What is something you're not scared of but a lot of people are? I feel like I’m scared of a lot of things so I don’t know.

Would you ever have a threesome? No.

How far have you gone? I’m a virgin.

Are you an U.S citizen? I am.

How old will you be in 2012? I turned 23 in 2012.

Do you think you'll be married someday? I don’t see that happening.

Do you have any candles lit right now? No, I don’t have any candles. I’m not a candle person.

When was the last time your parents ordered pizza? We had pizza last week.

Do you loooove chicken alfredo as much as I do? I don’t care for it, personally.

What color computer do you wish you had? I like mine.

How many inches is your screen? It’s 13 inches.

Do you have any step siblings? No.

If so, how many? -

Do they annoy you? -

What color camera do you have? I just use my phone, which is a gold iPhone 12 Pro Max.

How many times a day do you talk to your mom on the phone? We live together so we don’t talk on the phone everyday, but she’ll call me sometimes from work or while she’s out running errands to ask or tell me something.

Who is somebody you haven't seen in a long time? A lot of my extended family. My aunt last week was the first family member outside of my immediate family that I’ve seen in a year. What are your school colors? I’m done with school.

What did you wear yesterday? My usual attire of leggings and a graphic tee.

What color straightner do you have? I don’t have a straightener anymore. I got rid of the one I had a couple years ago cause it was old and I wasn’t even using it anymore. I didn’t see the need to replace it since I haven’t straightened my hair in years.

How many times a day do you brush your grill? At least once.

Who was the last person to IM you? I think it was my aunt on Facebook Messenger.

Is your closet organized? It is. My aunt helped me do that last week. She helped me clean up and reorganize my room. I really can’t even say helped cause she did literally everything.

Do you need to clean anything in your house right now? Nope.

What should you be doing? I don’t have anything I should be doing, I’m doing what I want to do.

What would you rather be doing? I’m perfectly content with this. I just finished eating dinner and I’m feeling full and sleepy.

Do you listen to music really loud or really low? I listen to it at a reasonable level. I wanna hear it obviously, but I don’t need it blasting.

Do you live with anybody other than your siblings and your parents? My doggo as well.

Who was your last crush? Ty.

How many tattoos do you have? Zero.

What is the weather like down around where you live? It’s currently 54F.

What is your favorite thing to do? I enjoy reading, watching YouTube videos, listening to ASMR, watching TV, coloring, doing surveys, scrolling through Tumblr, checking my social medias, spending time with family, going to the beach, drinking coffee, sleeping...

How many pets do you own? I have one doggo.

Are you close with your parents? I am. My mom, especially. She’s my best friend.

What is your favorite song? I have a lot of favorites.

Where do you shop the most for your clothes? Boxlunch and Hot Topic.

Have you ever read a whole series of books? Yeah, I’ve read many series.

When you tell someone you love them do you mean it? Absolutely. I don’t say those words loosely or a lot, but if I say it, I mean it.

Do you have a guy best friend? No.

Are you going to walk at your graduation or just pick your diploma up? I participated in all of my graduations.

Do you think the Tiger Wood's cheating thing is annoying? That’s super old news.

What is your favorite food? Wingstop’s garlic parm and lemon pepper boneless wings, ramen, spaghetti and meatballs, breakfast burritos or sandwiches, and biscuits and scrambled eggs smothered in country gravy with hash browns.

Do you ever eat anything everybody else thinks is gross? Probably my scrambled eggs and ranch combo.

How many tattoos do you have? Zero.

What did you do for your last birthday? Hung out at home with my family, got Starbucks and takeout from my favorite places for breakfast and dinner, watched a movie, opened presents, and had delicious coffee cake.

What do you plan on doing for your 18th birthday? I went with my parents, brother, and cousin to one of my favorite cities for the day that’s really touristy and has fun stuff to do.

Are you excited for anything coming up? No.

Do you still have the same friends as you did when you were younger? I don’t have any friends anymore.

Is there a friend you never get to see anymore? --

Do you have to type with good grammer? Yeah, using proper grammar is important to me.

Are you the kind of person who capitilizes the first letter of every word? Nooo. I don’t like that. Or when people type in all lowercase or a mix of the two. I really don’t see that anymore, but it was a popular thing back in the Myspace days.

What is your favorite quote? There’s many.

Are you allowed to cuss in front of your parents? I’m 31 years old so I certainly could, but I choose not to. *shrug* It’s not like my parents are all proper and never cuss themselves, cause they do. My mom loves her f-bombs haha. It’s just how I am.

How long was your last phone conversation? Just a couple minutes.

Who was you talking to? I was talking to my mom.

Which one of your friends annoy you? --

Have you ever lost a close friend to death? No.

Do you know someone who suffers from addiction? Yes, several people.

How old are you? 31.

Do you have a lot of pictures in your room? I do now. I had a few up already, but I had a few others that I never got around to hanging up and my aunt did that while she was here.

Do you have facebook? I do.

Do you update your status with a step by step guide of what your doing? Uh, no. No one would care to see that and I have no need to share that.

Have you ever found a dog/cat on the side of the road? Yes. :(

Do you go bowling in your town? I have a few times before back in the day. The last time I went bowling was over a decade ago.

Do you have a drive in theater. No, I wish. I really think those should make a big comeback now.

What are you wearing? Leggings and a long sleeve shirt.

What brand is your favorite shoe? Adidas.

Is your best friend's mom like your own? My best friend is my mom so yes? haha.

Do you have aniexty or depression? I have both, yay. -____-

How old do you think you will be when you get married? I don’t plan on ever getting married.

What is your favorite fast food resturant? Wingstop.

What do you usually order? Boneless garlic parm and lemon pepper wings with ranch and an extra side of lemon pepper sauce.

Do you own a pair of brass knuckles? No.

Don't you think the diamond ones are b-a? Huh?

Do you know what b-a means? No.

Have you and your friends ever made up a word? My cousins and I probably have when we were kids.

Don't you hate stomachaches? Ugh, yes. Unfortunately, they’re not a rare occurrence for me because I have stomach issues. :/ Heating pads are a must.

Have you ever gotten a stomache at the wrong time? yeah it always feels like the wrong time. like it's always at night when i'm trying to sleep. the worst. <<< Same.

What is your favorite memory in life? Childhood.

Do you have any embarassing baby pictures of yourself? I don’t think any of my baby photos are embarrassing. I actually love those photos haha. Then I got older and ew.

What is the worst smell in the world? Shit? ha.

What is your favorite smell? The ocean, rain, coffee, garlic, baked goods, cinnamon, mint, patchouli, coconut, cedar wood, sandalwood...

Do you dye your hair a lot? Yeah. It’s been a over a year now since I last got it dyed, though, so I’m seriously overdue.

How do you style your hair most of the days? It’s always up in a messy bun. I don’t have the energy or motivation to do anything else with it. I’m just at home all day anyway.

Do you have any fox racing clothing? No. I remember that was a popular thing in high school.

Do you have anybody in your family who rides dirtbikes/fourwheelers? Yes.

Have you ever rode a dirtbike/fourwheeler? Nooo.

Tell me how you got one of your scars? Spinal surgery.

Have you ever had a friend who cut themselves? Yes.

What is your favorite thing to do in the summer? The only thing I like about the summer is being able to go to the beach. Otherwise, I hate summertime.

Do you go tanning or do you lay out? I only ever get a tan when I go to the beach cause I’m out there for hours.

Do you have a beach towel or do you use a reg one? We have beach towels.

If you tan, what kind of lotion do you have? I don’t use any tanning lotion.

What is your favorite skin lotion? I don’t really have one. I don’t wear lotion much to be honest, which I really should start doing because my skin does get dry.

Have you ever used 3 minute miracle by aussie? Nope.

Do you use a lot of hair products? No, just shampoo, a detangling spray, and dry shampoo.

Why did you pick my survey? It was long and looked interesting.

Are you glad it's long? Yeah.

Or did I bore you? Nah, it’s fine.

What is your longest relationship? Whatever it was Joseph and I had went on for 3 years.

How long have you known your best friend? Since I was in the womb, ha.

Who is your favorite aunt? I’m really close to the aunt that came and stayed with us last week.

Do you have a cousin you dislike? No.

Do you own a pair of chanel earrings? Nope.

What is your favorite band? Linkin Park will always be one of them.

Have you ever heard theroy of a deadman? I think so.

What is your comfort food? Ramen.

What is your favorite color? Pastels, rose gold, sea foam green, coral, and yellow.

What color is the color of your walls? White.

Do you own anything zebra striped? No.

What kind of straighner do you have? I don’t have one, we’ve been through this already.

Are you obsessed with your hair? No. I don’t do anything with it. I’m not good at maintaining the red I’ve been dyeing it for the past 6 years either. I was in the beginning when I got it done once a month, but then it started getting more and more months in between and then it turned into a year. I’m currently a little over a year overdue. Sighhh. I just don’t have the energy or motivation to do that or much of anything else. I barely get outta bed most days.

#personal #text #survey #surveys #long survey

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qtakesams · 3 years

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When Life Goes On, Go with It

Two years ago this month, I moved to Edgewater, Maryland, to complete a summer internship with the Smithsonian Environmental Research Center. SERC, as we call it, is a branch of the Smithsonian Institution that specializes in climate, coastal, terrestrial, and various other types of sciences. Their campus is an hour east of Washington, D.C. They own hundreds of acres of land, on which they house their laboratories and fields.

It was just after my sophomore year of college ended. As with many underclassmen years, mine was turbulent. I endured a drastic shift in my social circle which had, even if temporarily, left me feeling stranded on a campus I was still learning about. I’d had a rough spring semester, finding a lack of motivation to complete any assignment.

Most undergrads face that year: the one where nothing feels right, and each path feels like a dead-end. I had applied for a SERC internship on a bit of a whim. Entering college, I’d seen myself as a fiction writer and editor, planning to end up in a corporate publishing house. Sophomore had shown me I desired other things, and I applied for SERC’s science writing internship completely unsure if I’d actually like the work. What if I didn’t? What if it felt worse than the previous semester? What would I do if I couldn’t bounce back?

All of this, I decided, would be worth the risk. When I got an email from the internship’s advisor in March, offering me the position, I accepted it. The rest, as some might say, is history.

SERC is a hard place to find until you’ve visited a few times. The brown sign is easily skipped by the eyes. Coming from the west, you approach SERC on the left side of the road. Immediately, you forget that you’re technically in the suburbs, less than thirty miles from the epicenter of political heat in America. After a few turns, you arrive at the gate. When SERC is publicly open, you drive on through. When you’re an intern coming back from the bar at night, you have to swipe your ID card. You drive a few more turns, watching closely for deer, before that final right turn that drops you into the parking lot of the intern dorms and the labs.

I fell in love with SERC within days of my arrival. There were the intimidating factors of the place: fellow interns at Ivy Leagues and respected colleges, scientific labs into which the government itself funded millions, no meal plan, and the stick shift vehicle I would drive all summer. I was terrified when my mom drove away. I explored the floor of my building, admiring the kitchen, perusing the book selection. By eleven, I was in bed. I was tried from traveling, but more so, I didn’t know what to do. I’d briefly interacted with the other intern already on my floor, but I didn’t know him well enough to go say hi. There were four interns moved in below my floor, but I hadn’t seen any of them yet. I suddenly seemed wildly out of my element, though I had felt comfortable at SERC the moment I drove through the gate.

Of course, I grew happier at SERC. The happiest I’d been in years. Within weeks, I made strong friends, adjusted to my job, and began to close my GPS when driving to the store.

My work felt good. The articles I wrote and the media I created reached thousands of people, many of which gave positive comments. My words were reaching people, and the people were responding.

I was raised by a scientist, but more importantly, by well-educated, empathetic people. Loving my planet was part of the gig when I was growing up. In high school, I began to see where my privilege in this education existed. My friends at school didn’t seem to care about the things I’d be taught to care about. Water consumption, electricity, knowing the landscape on which your house is built. I knew important moments in history, and how they affected me. I had early knowledge of politics, to the point where I knew who George Bush was before his presidency ended (when I was 10). Ignorance and empathy tend to go hand-in-hand, mostly because ignorance leads to apathy. We’ve seen this cause-and-effect equation hold catastrophic, deadly consequences in 2020.

When I arrived at SERC, it didn’t slip by me that I suddenly had access to information that most people only dream about. Many of us are ignorant (I remain ignorant to 99.9% of what happens on this Earth) by circumstance, not by choice. Accessibility is one of our biggest problems of a global society attempting to function in a digital, climate change-riddled world. Sixty percent of the globe now has Internet access, but that leaves 3.08 billion people without the knowledge they need to protect themselves from the setbacks of climate change. Most of those people, as it would turn out, are terribly affected most by war, poverty, hunger, climate, social injustice, etc. These things intertwine and cause one another. Not always, but often.

My position at SERC gifted me access to science occurring in real-time. When the Pandemic would hit a year later, it would be surprising but not shocking. On a planet where politics and science are brothers, and the population is soaring too high to properly maintain, containing a spreadable virus is like trying to hold a cup of water in your bare hands. Sooner or later, it’s going to slip between the cracks and go everywhere. If it slips far enough, you’ll never find a towel strong enough to collect it all.

In March of 2020, when I moved home to isolate, I knew the rest of college was trashed. Not my degree, necessarily, but the experience of college. I would lose that experience in its normalcy, and therefore the skills which develop from that normalcy.

I did soon realize, however, that we are not always fortunate enough to do something about mass-casualties or problems. There’s not always an answer, straightforward or not. When there is one, you should grab it with both hands.

That summer of 2020, I decided I wanted to pursue a master’s degree after college. Higher education is not unknown in my family; we boast high degrees from prestigious universities. I am the opposite of a First-Generation student (one of my great-grandparents also had a master’s degree). Graduate school had already been on my mind when I started college, but I didn’t know what for. An MFA in fiction had felt the most logical to my teenage self in 2017, but by 2018, that felt out the window. What I had realized by the summer of 2020 was that, in the midst of the chaos and absurdity, was that I could in fact do something about what was going on. I can’t solve climate change, or house the homeless, or save every polar bear, or even eradicate a virus, but I can help in my own way. On some level, I can do something about the many crises. This, in itself, is “doing something”.

Science writing is a polarizing subject, of this I have been aware my entire life. Unfortunately, we’ve made science political, though politics are generally opinion (with strong empathy) and science is fact. It’s a tough, competitive field, but so is everything else. If you want to “make it” in this world, you have to willingly shed blood, tears, and probably sweat profusely. As I watched the COVID cases skyrocket simultaneously to the people I knew who cared not to stay home, I could tell something was off. People weren’t listening. If they were, it was usually to the ignorant voices on television.

I could feel my cheeks burning as I watched the Johns Hopkins map. It seemed cruel that we, as a society, could do that to ourselves. That we could allow this virus to spread and kill, but also that we had put ourselves in this position. I had already been envisioning myself as a science writer every day since my time at SERC had begun. Finally reckoning with the knowledge that not everybody is a scientist, nor cares to be one, was the icing on the cake. I couldn’t fix it all, but I could offer my help. So, I would.

When I began this blog two years ago, it was solely for abroad purposes. It was a fabulous way to let anybody who cared know what I was experiencing and how I was handling those experiences. Studying abroad, no matter how or where or how long, is difficult. Studying in general, for any length of time on any subject, is mindboggling tedious. I give kudos to my friends and family who have any advanced, foreign, or nontraditional education.

What I discovered after I began writing blog posts and sharing my thoughts is that there’s always more to the story than the words on the page. That’s why I’ve added to this blog in the year and a half since my abroad semester ended; there is always more to tell.

In a few weeks, I begin my master’s degree at Northwestern University in Chicago. My degree is in journalism, with a specialization in Science and Health reporting. I’m nervous to my core, as I am with any new adventure. I just graduated college last weekend, so my emotions are running wild. Yet, I have a feeling I’m about to finally be where I’ve wanted to be for years. I love words. I love messing with them, shaping them, using them to fit whatever project I want. I also love science. I love knowing what is happening around me, and why and how it is. Combining them already feels like a dream come true, so I’m sure the next year will feel magical.

The classes of 2020 and 2021 are probably the most resilient in history. A Pandemic, racial and social injustice, wildfires, remote learning, wifi issues. We’ve seen it all, and it’s made us stronger every day.

I think I’ve worn this blog out for this phase of life. My thoughts on what I’ve talked about here are valid and important, but they don’t exist alone. For somebody who’s pretty much been writing since she could hold a pencil, I hate journaling. I’ve tried so many times, and never succeeded, with the exception of this blog. That said, it gave me an incredibly strong, consistent manner of getting my thoughts on the page, for which I am endlessly grateful. If you’ve kept reading my thoughts and words, you should know I’m endlessly grateful for you, too.

All of this is saying that, whether you’re ready or not, life keeps going. Life can be cruel, it can be challenging, it can be beautiful. No matter what, it keeps going. As my friend Ferris once said, if you don’t stop and look around from time to time, you could miss it. So much changed so drastically in the last year. I’m still processing it. I might always be processing it. Most importantly, I think, is that I’ve learned to flow with it wherever it goes. It’s harder sometimes than other, but the result is usually worth the grind.

You might read my stuff in the Times once day, or (my personal favorite dream) National Geographic. I don’t know honestly know where I’m going, but I’m okay with that because I do know that I’m on my way. I’m still going. When life continues, you should go, too. You never quite know where the climb will lead, but you do know that the view will be great.

#study abroad #science writing #thoughts #media #graduate school #graduate student #class of 2021

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hecohansen31 · 4 years

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What I Have Been Feeling Like Lately/And Why I Haven’t Been and Will Be Very Present On Tumblr:

Hey lovelies,

Before i go on further with this statement, I wanted to say that this isn’t an act of accusing anybody, since I don’t think that this situation is somebody’s fault if not the relationships itself which isn’t working (as my therapist has said).

Also again as my therapist has said, I’ll use the first person so this won’t be an accusal of any sort but more me explaining why I haven’t been feeling so well on here.

A week ago, I thought about deleting this blog, I did make a post to warn people so that they would know that I’d have kept up on writing on AO3, had anybody been interested in reading my stuff.

I don’t think that many saw it, for which I am glad because reflecting a bit on it, I have chosen not to procede any further, not wanting to delete all the work I have been doing.

I have chosen to limit my time in here, alongside stopping pubblishing on here, because I do have to say that I have been feeling two very dark moods on tumblr, lately:

-Used.

-Unwelcomed.

I am not going to explain the first thing, because it involves other people, so I prefer to talk with them privately, will the situation get to me again.

But about the second situation, I wanted to explain it to you, because I personally think that I could maybe do some more things to make it better for everyone.

I have personally felt very unwelcomed for the small minimum of interactions I have been getting and I am not talking about notes or such, but about things such as getting asks/messages.

I do understand this is an heavy period for everyone, me included, but at the same time I just can’t help but feel that I am doing something wrong.

Unlike so many blogs from the start, I have been getting very little interactions, and unlike many people who have daily anons, I don’t even have anons most of the time, being a bit pushed to beg desperately for asks.

I don’t know if maybe my own personality has made it difficult for people to interact with me. I do know that sometimes I might be quite harsh in explaining myself and my boundaries, since I have a tendency to flame up in a sure and immediate way, something that doesn’t help in making people relaxed with you.

I do want to apologize if I made you uncomfortable/sad, do let me know what I can do to make this situation better, if I can maybe be more open or calm or such, I do promise to do my best to be more welcoming in my asks.

I also want to say that you are extremely welcome to come to me with questions/ideas and asks, I might take some time because my daily life is pretty busy, mostly during this one last year of university, and I might take quite some time because I want to answer you in the best way.

I simply want to add that for questions do remind yourself that I am solely a twenty-one year old girl, so some questions might be difficult for me, and my ideas are solely suggestions not something you must-do, I am here if you need anything, but do understand that I can only help you, so much, sadly!

Final thing about this: I do still have boundaries, so please avoid asking very personal questions, such as ‘where I live’, things about sexuality (unless I do ask for it), and my family. I am open to everything else, but do remember that since this is still a virtual comunity, I do want some privacy.

Another thing that has been making me feel unwelcomed on here is that I can’t help but feel like I don’t truly belong with the writers group circles in the fandoms I am in.

I do have my group of friends, for which I am very thankful, but I can’t help but feel very uncomfortable when approaching new writers, because I feel like there is an eternal distance between us, and I almost don’t feel welcomed by many, because as I said I don’t belong there.

I haven’t been involved in so many projects/ideas/tag games, and although I do think that it might be a spoiled and stupid thing I can’t help but feel bad about it, completely.

I am not going to lie this is also partially my fault, because I am a bit unsure when approaching fellow writers, but at the same time, I do think that I feel like it is so difficult, because I feel so deatched and uninvolved in such circles, ending up feeling more time than not like a bother.

The main reason why I came here is to share my passion for writing and such things with other people, and although I do understand that we can’t all be best friends for ever, I do think that we can at least be friendly and welcoming towards other writers and not solely when it is fruitful for us.

This has been weighting heavily on me, and it has become enough that this has been the main reason why I thought about deleting.

I also wanted to apologize if anybody from the writing comunity was offended by me, do come in my DMs so that we can talk.

I have been doing a few things on my own, for my own mental health that might have perceived as rude from others, for which I am sorry, but do come in my DMs and I’ll explain everything.

This being said, I have finished.

I once again want to say that this isn’t an act of accusal to anyone but the relationship that has been developing and that I want to get better, so if you have read all of this, I thank you for reading it and encourage you to come and talk with me if you ever need it.

Thank you!

Have a nice day!

-Heco Hansen.

#Personal #Rant #Excuse me but I just don't feel like I truly matter to anybody on here #Like I lost friends and like I have been simply destroying one thing after another #So I just wanted to apologize and talk about it with you

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literaticat · 4 years

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Resources for Newbies

I got a nice email from somebody with some questions, and I typed out this whole long answer, and then I was like - let’s not ever have to type all this out again! So here’s what they asked, and my answer:

I am a first-time writer of children's books and I have about 45-ish pages drafted of a manuscript so far. I anticipate it being around 80 or so pages when I finish, and the intended audience is early chapter-book readers. As a first-time writer, I know basically nothing about how publishing works, and I find it a little intimidating. I am hoping you could help me with a few questions? I have so many, but the three that stand out as the most important for me right now are:

1. How can I attract the attention of a literary agent? Do agents still accept cold pitches these days, or do you prefer to have writers referred to you?

2. Should I completely finish my manuscript before trying to find an agent, or does that matter?

3. Is it proper etiquette to share parts of the manuscript when you send a pitch letter, or to wait until you hear back from an interested agent?

I don't mind answering questions, though I'm going to point you toward some resources where you can get a lot more answers than I can probably give in a quick email! As to your questions though:

1. You can attract the attention of a literary agent by having a killer pitch and a great book. Most agents I know absolutely take "cold" queries - the majority of clients do come in this way. Of course if you HAVE a referral from somebody the agent knows well and trusts, super cool - but you don't NEED that. (A referral from a rando is actually worse than no referral - I get fake "referrals" all the time where the person says that so-and-so recommended me - -and it's either somebody that I know for a fact does NOT know who the heck I am -- like, no, I don't believe that Stephen King told you to email me! -- or else somebody that I don't know who the heck THEY are -- either way it looks very suspect.)

2. For a novel or a kids book, you 100% need a finished book. You should finish it, then get critique partners or second readers and try and "self edit" as much as you can. The manuscript should be in as good a shape as you can make it on your own. (Adult nonfiction is a little different, then you need a robust proposal with a sample - but that's another story). Not to freak you out AT ALL - but most agents get hundreds of queries a week and can take on only a few clients a YEAR. So... you really should make sure your stuff is clean, tight and ready for prime-time.

3. What you share depends on what the agent asks for - every agency might have different submission guidelines (which you should read carefully and follow, of course!) -- but MOST say something like, you should have a query letter, and the first ten pages or so of the manuscript pasted in (not as an attachment).

As for your book in particular - I'm curious what you mean when you say "early chapter book readers" -- Do you mean what I'd call an early reader (aka, those thin books like "I can Read" series, Frog and Toad etc, for 4-6 year olds who are just becoming readers) -- or what I'd call a chapter book (aka, those series books like Magic Tree House for 6-8 year olds) -- or what I'd call a middle grade (aka, a regular novel for 8-12 year olds)?

It would be a good idea for you, I think, to not think about the manuscript in terms of PAGES, but rather in terms of WORD COUNT. Why? Because in this category, word count is pretty important, and it's unclear to me based on what you've said if you're gearing your book properly. For beginning readers, there are "rules" of sorts regarding length and readability, and it's important that you know them! So here are some things to know as you are getting into the world of kids books!

* "Comp Titles" -- you will hear this a lot - it means comparative titles, aka, the kinds of books that are most like your book in terms of audience and where they would be on the bookshelf. I'd suggest going to the bookstore (if you can in covid-times!) and perusing the shelves and figuring out what SEEMS LIKE the kind of books you are trying to write. Then -- figure out where THEY land in terms of word count and readability. Here's a tool you can use to look up most kids books: https://www.arbookfind.com -- and there are "readability calculators" online too, where you can plug in some of your text and it will tell you what grade level you are writing at -- if you're trying to write a book for second graders and it reads like a college thesis - that's a problem!

* Categories and word count: A long time ago I wrote a blog post (on a now-closed blog) that is everything I know about the different categories of kids books and what length they should be - this might help you figure out where your book would land, too! http://literaticat.blogspot.com/2011/05/wordcount-dracula.html

* Query Writing: Query Shark is the go-to resource for query letter critique - read the archives, you will probably learn something. (That being said, it IS mostly for grownup books, but still the same principles apply) https://queryshark.blogspot.com

* Ask the Agent: I have a tumblr where people can ask me anonymous agent questions: https://literaticat.tumblr.com -- that being said, please DO try googling first lol I get a lot of the same questions over and over and it's like... did you even TRY to google it? sheesh. ;-) [ED NOTE: If you are reading this, you probably know about this resource LOL]

* Online forums: When I was starting out, I spent a lot of time lurking around the Absolute Write water cooler (mostly writers for adult books ,but some kids books) - and the SCBWI message boards (for kids books). I haven't been around either really for a long time and I suspect they are less hopping than they used to be - but I bet that there are lots of questions and answers in the archives which might prove useful to you: https://absolutewrite.com/forums/forum.php https://www.scbwi.org/boards/ -- you'll need to log in to see all the content I think

* QueryTracker - there are a variety of different sites where you can look up agents as you are figuring out who to query, see who reps what, etc - QueryTracker is a popular one. https://querytracker.net -- DO YOUR RESEARCH about agents - there are a lot of shady people out there scamming authors! Legit agents NEVER ask you to pay them "reading fees" or "editorial fees" or anything else - we ONLY get paid commission when we sell your book.

* SCBWI - The Society for Children's Book Writers and Illustrators has a ton of AMAZING resources for new writers -- there are huge national and regional conferences, yes, but also free local meetups just about everywhere in the country and even around the world (I've been to ones in Scotland and Paris - true story!) -- as well as online stuff -- there are a ton of classes, you can find critique groups and such, their newsletter/magazine has GREAT info about everything to do with children's publishing -- basically, if you are really serious and want to be a professional children's book author, you should look into their offerings and perhaps joining. https://www.scbwi.org

* Facebook - if you are on facebook, you can search and there are a ton of kids book groups - KidLit411 is a group that I know that the moderators are actually smart and know about stuff, and there is some good info. Fair warning: It's FACEBOOK, so there are also a lot of ding-dongs around, too.

OK that's a good start, I think - plenty for you to chew on here. :-)

#resources

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tessatechaitea · 4 years

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Cerebus #11 (1979)

The only weapon you need to provoke a police officer to violence is scorn.

Sorry! The above caption had nothing to do with The Cockroach's first appearance in Cerebus and everything to do with how the Omaha Police arrested peaceful protesters by claiming that they're purpose was to "attack and/or provoke police officers to violence." Also, you can tell they're already spinning and lying by adding the "and/or" so they can imply that the protesters are planning on attacking police. And, well, even if they weren't (and they did say "or"!), their other main plan was to provoke them. But of course everybody whose ability to perceive reality isn't clouded by their incessant need to defend police no matter what understands that police will abuse their power at the drop of an eye roll. They believe any slight disrespect is an excuse for a violent rebuttal. They force physical violence on people whom they have no reason to arrest simply so the person can struggle against the assault, as any normal person would do, and then claim resisting. Police should be confronted by scorn and disrespect at every turn. Only when they learn not to instantly resort to violence and threats will they deserve to not be. Welcome to my comic book and/or police review blog! Deni's "A Note from the Publisher" continues on a theme that I hadn't noticed until just now: every new issue of Cerebus now seems to be a landmark issue! It's an interesting self-promotion take that I have to admit I'd never thought of trying. "Every new Eee! Tess Ate Chai Tea review is a landmark review!" You know what else is a landmark? Places & Predators, my Cribbage-based Roller Playing Game! You don't even really need any friends to play it. Just read it like a book and enjoy it! Or play it like a Fighting Fantasy Adventure Book! Use some online Cribbage app! Figure out how to use the crib in ways the online app definitely won't let you! Oh, the reason this is a landmark issue is because more letters came in than normal! It's a hit! Deni also reveals that she'll be making the Cerebus plush toys that were advertised in previous issues and at half the price! So kudos for stealing that job from the person who originally made them! It probably wasn't anything so dramatic but what fun is going through your life defaulting to the best, most optimistic possibility in every given situation? Have some fun! Act paranoid! Purposefully misunderstand your father and scream in his face! Kick a dog! Sorry! I got carried away! I would never kick a dog unless it was attacking me. But even then, I'd be wishing I was kicking the owner who let it go off leash. The dog doesn't deserve my epic self defense tactics in its soft face. But the owner certainly does!

The basics on the origin of The Cockroach.

I didn't realize Dave came up with The Cockroach because it was gross and disgusting. I just thought it was a more clever version of a bat, keeping to the shadows, hiding, surviving, a constant annoyance to poor people. In any case, The Cockroach is the greatest parody of The Batman, hands down. Because The Batman has become such a parody of himself time and time again, you just need an absolutely Batshit insane version of him. I don't do segues so Cerebus has come to Beduin to sell the Black Blossom Lotus. Just look at all the continuity Dave Sim is giving his readers! I wonder how many comic book fans would list "continuity" as their number one favorite thing about comic books? Like, are there people who would list that above great writing or terrific art? Judging by how terrible a lot of mainstream comic books are and how rabid many of the fans, I'd suspect it was a fairly high number. Maybe 65 out of 100, Bob. Change that card! The Merchant Cerebus deals with is a kook who might just have a super secret identity. It's weird to think of the Roach as being capable of actually living an independent life! I suppose he's just barely hanging onto his sanity at this point (and, of course, only during the day). But then he comes into the mystical aura of strangeness that aardvarks apparently exude out of their buttholes and he just loses it completely. He becomes less a merchant slash superhero and more a superhero slash zombie cosplayer. Also he becomes one of the greatest characters ever created! There are like four of them in the entirety of Cerebus! The exclamation point is because I think that's an incredibly high number and not because I think it's an incredibly low number. Most comic book's protagonists never quite make it to the greatest ever! Plus I'd probably give Cerebus more than four but a lot of them are just really good parodies, satires, and slightly-off representations of characters and people who already existed. The merchant buys the Black Blossom Lotus from Cerebus for 100 gold pieces and then promptly drops it out of the window and into the Feld River.

Not only does Dave Sim come up with a bunch of memorable plots across three hundred issues, he also comes up with a lot of good Dungeons & Dragons campaign ideas.

The Merchant pays Cerebus a sack of gold and gets ready for bed as Cerebus begins to leave. Before Cerebus can even exit the hallway outside the merchant's bedroom door, Cerebus begins to hear loud ranting coming from the other side. It's a lot of hissing and threats of murder. Against his better judgment, Cerebus decides to see what's happening and gets his first look at the guy who will be a huge headache to him for the next two hundred issues or so.

One thing I like about Dave Sim is how honest he is when recounting where he came up with or stole his ideas. He gives plenty of credit for the Cockroach and his hissing to Marshall Rogers and Jules Feiffer. It's admirable because a lot of people would just figure, "It might make me look less of an artist and who's going to know anyway?!"

Just a few days ago, my old elementary school friend who was blown up in Iraq and then became a comedian playing to Christians and patriots (which I mention so you'll understand how, as a wounded veteran, he'll never be criticized by his audience and he'll never really grow as a comedian) posted a Tik Tok on Facebook that was just a film of a television set capturing the "Masked Debate" bit on Last Week Tonight with John Oliver. The clip only shows all the clips of news readers saying "masked debate" and none of Oliver's or the show's set-up. He then watermarked it with his Tik Tok name. Now all of those naive followers who can only seem to reply to his posts with the laugh/cry emoji probably think he wrote it. Better yet, they're probably mostly Trump followers who would never admit to finding that libjerk Oliver or his show funny. What's even better is that the Tik Tok has some quote along top that's watermarked with somebody else's Tik Tok name! So it looks like Bob doubly stole the bit. Man, I wish I'd joined the army and gotten blown up and then found Christ and developed an audience of uncritical naive yahoos who would wildly applaud everything I wrote! Why didn't I join the army?! Oh, that's right. Because I believed I had a future right out of high school. Well, I guess Bob is having the last laugh now! Cerebus follows Cockroach across the rooftops to find out what's going on. He eventually witnesses the Cockroach confront a man in an alley, accuse him of killing his parents, knock him out, and steal his gold. The gold part of the night helps Cerebus to ignore all of the other confusing stuff. The Cockroach doesn't gloat for long. He's off to find another victim! Cerebus witnesses him mug another guy whom he also accuses of killing his parents. He also admits to doing this for thirty years. So now Cerebus thinks the guy is crazy but also crazy rich. At the end of the night, the Cockroach returns home and drops the gold purses into a secret panel in the wall. He falls asleep, wakes up, and, when he sees Cerebus, acts as if Cerebus were just leaving. So Cerebus realizes that the merchant doesn't have any idea what the Cockroach is doing. Which means Cerebus is going to recover those gold purses before the Cockroach comes back! At the moment, Cerebus doesn't realize that he's going to be finding thirty years worth of gold purses in the merchant's walls. Can you imagine how boring the last two hundred and eighty-nine issues of Cerebus would have been if Cerebus managed to steal all of the Roach's gold?! I'm sure some of you are thinking, "It wouldn't have been any worse than the last hundred issues we did get!" Also, can you imagine how fat Cerebus would have gotten drinking tons of ale and eating loads of rich foods? I'm laughing so much just trying to picture it! Ha ha!

Eight feet of gold would make Cerebus fatter than a domesticated raccoon!

In the end, Cerebus only makes it away with three sacks of gold. But in the process, he manages to completely screw up the Roach/Merchant equilibrium that's lasted for thirty years. In trying to exploit the man's mental illness so that he'd help Cerebus move the gold, Cerebus drags the Roach personality into the daylight. From here on out, the Roach will simply be a pawn of others, susceptible to almost any second-rate demagogue (although most of the people who subsequently control the Roach are of the first rate variety). The Aardvark Comment section was two pages this issue and had this letter that I don't think was being sarcastic?

I guess I also wouldn't necessarily consider a chainmail bikini as "a disgusting costume." He's probably thinking about Power Girl.

Also, and I admit it might have been a joke, but Dave Sim reveals that Ronald Reagan is Cerebus' father. That, um, makes sense! Cerebus #11 Rating: A. I almost gave it a B+ for variety but then I remembered I just read the first appearance of the Roach. I also forgot that my ratings don't actually mean anything.

#Cerebus #Dave Sim

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rinnnyxr · 3 years

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In 2020 so far, have you…

Had Beer Smoked an entire cigarette Done drugs. Written on a bathroom wall.

Read a George Orwell book.

Had a physical fight.

Used Twitter. Listened to Lady Gaga Been in a car accident.

Gotten suspended.

Gotten expelled.

Been allergic to something.

Got a computer virus.

Touched a real gun.

Had a dog.

Had a cat.

Been pregnant.

Camped out Swam in the ocean.

Wore a bikini. Driven a car Been sent to the principal. Ever liked someone. Failed a class. Failed a test.

Went to summer school. Got worse than a D Got A’s and B’s. Read an entire book.

Recorded my own music.

Had an xbox. Worn heels more than 3 days in a row.

Wore fishnets.

Wore skinny jeans. Hated someone.

Been cheated on.

Cheated on someone.

Practiced Christianity/Catholicism.

Worn makeup. Lied to my parents about where I was going. Had surgery.

Had my license.

Been to college.

Graduated high school. Attempted suicide.

Self-harmed.

Worn colored contacts.

Painted my nails black. Broken someone’s heart.

Had my heartbroken.

Cried for an hour straight. Lost something very valuable.

Got separated from one of my parents

Broke a bone.

Gotten stung by a bee

Eaten something bad/expired.

Threw up from being so drunk.

Saw someone throw up from being so drunk. Danced with someone of the same sex. Owned an iPod

Danced with someone of the opposite sex. Owned an iPhone.

Fell for a best friend.

Stole a friend’s significant other.

Went far away from home for more than a week.

Moved out.

Ran away.

Had a job. Been fired.

Lied to a friend. Lied to a family member. Had a Facebook. Posted a video on Youtube.

Started a rumor about someone.

Talked bad about someone. Dropped out of school. Deliberately failed a test.

Been skinny dipping.

Counted to a million.

Counted to a thousand.

Ate rabbit meat.

Ate duck meat.

Had fast food. Been to Church.

Been to Canada.

Been married.

Had a divorce.

Broke a glass.

Threw something out of the window. Ignored a text from someone on purpose. Wish you were somebody else

Had my feelings hurt by a friend and never told them.

Kissed someone Been to a concert Seen your favorite band live

Met a celebrity

Met your favorite band

Own more than 10 CD’s

I prefer to be out and about on weekends. I ended the last relationship I was in. If someone is playing me around, I’d rather be told about it. It really bugs me when people play games with me. Sometimes, it takes me forever to get the energy together to get out of bed in the morning. Someone has told me they like me as more than a friend in the last week. I haven’t kissed anyone in the last seven days. If I have a deadline to meet, I can’t get motivated to do the work until the last minute. I drink a lot of soda and juice. I love apple donuts. I’m going to have the house to myself this weekend. I know someone who is absolutely addicted to the Guitar Hero/Rockband games. I have a wii in my bedroom. I hate to admit it, but I feel really lost without the internet. I have a bad habit of reading texts and completely forgetting to reply to them. I’ve fallen asleep texting someone in the last few days. I love waking up to good morning texts. I’m guilty of “liking” a lot of fan pages on Facebook. It seems that a lot of people don’t have time for Tumblr anymore. I’m currently wearing a hoody. I hate getting out of bed in the mornings. The last person to text me was of the opposite sex. I have two friends coming to stay with me this weekend. I have two presentations to do tomorrow. I text a lot more than I call. I swear I need to go to the bathroom a lot more often than other people. In general, I’m quite a light sleeper. I have the latest iTouch, and I absolutely love it. I use Twitter on a daily basis. The first thing I do in the morning is to check my Facebook/texts. I hate it when people lie to me to try and “spare my feelings” - man up and tell me the truth! I don’t see the point in going out to get absolutely shit-faced drunk. ^What’s the point in going out if you can’t remember any of it the next day? I have more than seven piercings. I’m getting a new piercing within the next week. I haven’t seen my dad in over a month.

It is Sunday

My weekend was fairly good though

Although I had little arguments

I took a long walk today

I talked to at least 4 of my friends I didn’t have the mood to talk much

I got a headache

I slept too much I woke up after 12 p.m

I went to sleep late last night I talked to my boyfriend I also talked to an old friend I didn’t talk to him for 3 years

It’s November

I’m waiting for December I am working out sometimes I just finished a book a few days ago

I am searching for a new book to read

I like walking at night with someone I am going to sleep after 12 a.m I am not sleepy yet Music was a big part of my life this day

I took a photo I recorded a video of myself I updated my blog(s) I always use Tumblr I have another account here It’s my personal account I didn’t play any video games today

It is a short survey

I drank tea

I am now in the chair

My sibling is in the same room as me I am not home alone I am already in my pajama It’s almost 1 a.m

I wore at least 3 outfits

I cussed someone out I left the house at least 2 times

I already took a shower

My vocabulary is weak af

I am not in any clubs in school I don’t like being in school I want to get a tattoo

I know what I am going to get

I am not planning to stay in this country

I speak English/Spanish/Hungarian daily I write in English/Spanish/Hungarian daily I spent money on something today

I have plans for the next summer

I have plans for the next year in general I support a soccer team

I am in a sport team inside/outside of school I am 16 years old

I am a junior

I drink a lot of water My phone has a phone case I want to get a new one

I am quiet And shy But not with my close friends I was happy today I want to keep this blog for a long time I haven’t eaten in 3 hours I am going to sleep now

You’re not in your home country right now. You wish you were somewhere else right now. Italy is your favorite country. You’re able to speak more than 3 languages. You’d love to be able to speak Italian perfectly. But never had the opportunity to learn it. You’re single. The last person you argued with was a family member. The argument was about something really stupid. Most of the time you don’t give a shit about anything. That’s why you don’t really care about what you’re arguing about. But it often seems to be important to your counterpart. Your family doesn’t understand you at all. They don’t respect you and your attitudes as well. They often make fun of you and your plans. That’s why you decided not to tell them anything anymore. All your grandparents are still alive. You get along best with one of your grandma’s. Your family is a fan of family reunions. You think Marina is better than Lana. You don’t listen to any of the bands that are popular on tumblr. Tumblr has actually drawn your attention to a band you’re now obsessed with. You think gay marriage should be legal. You actually understand why people are against gay marriage. But you don’t support their opinion anyway. It’s just that you’re good at empathizing. You wish you could read peoples’ minds. You’d prefer another super power. You’ve never watched the Avengers. You’re not an English native speaker. You wish you were. You suffer from some kind of mental illness. You know someone who does and you’re close to them. It’s a family member. You wish you could change something about yourself. You’re confident with your body but not with your personality. You’re confident with your personality but not with your look. You’ve never heard of “Reamonn”. You hate the Arctic Monkeys. You love The Neighbourhood. You dislike Lana del Rey. But her music is perfect. You’ve never heard of “Hoobastank”. You’ve been to an opera before. Someone you know has killed themselves. You’ve never been to Paris. You’ve never been to Berlin. You’ve never been to Venice. You’d love to visit one of the above. You’ve dated the same person more than twice. He’d dumped you every time. Someone has picked on you in kindergarten. They also hurt you physically. You’ve never told an adult. You used to be an outsider in elementary school. You were actually pretty “popular”. You liked all your elementary school teachers. You don’t know what you’re going to do with your life. You think everything will turn out fine. Someone in your family is/has been (seriously) depressed. Someone in your family is/has been suicidal. Something is holding you back. You have never cried in front of people. You have cried in front of others to get attention when you were older. You’re an only child. You’re the favorite child. You think every parent has a favourite child. Just like every child has a fave parent, deep down. You don’t know who’s your favourite and you don’t wanna know. Someone always calls you when they’re drunk. You’ve never been drunk. You’ve never smoked weed. You think smoking is attractive. You think skinny people are disgusting. You hate talking about your weight. Someone has called you fat before. Someone has called you ugly before. Someone has called you anorexic before. A family member has said such things. Someone has called you cold hearted before. You think that’s not true. You’re a very social person. You don’t understand why people always hurt each other. You think it’s inevitable. You hate the last person you talked to. You love the last person who texted you. You’re currently mad about someone. You often apologize. You think some people are meant to be on their own You think everyone has a soul mate. You need to get things clear with someone.

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skyfallensoldier · 3 years

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Mobile Navigation || Rules & Mun ↓

DISCLAIMER: I just want to note here at the beginning that while I am considering this RP blog to be historically based, i.e. remaining true to the time period and overall details of John Laurens' biographical information and whatnot, I do not consider myself a historically accurate blog, not entirely. Historical fiction is a well known genre of literature and many, MANY creative liberties are taken within that genre. Think of this blog like you would if you saw an Anastasia Romanov blog. She's dead, we know she didn't survive, and she's been dead a long-ass time; so has Laurens. People still have included her in many works of fiction, even after her body was identified and it was proven she did not survive her family's massacre. I saw a romance book a couple of months ago where she survived that was recently published. Historical fiction, while a controversial thing at times, is a legitimate form of literature.

You don't have to tell me if you think John isn't acting exactly like the real man himself would have, I know that. I'm not going to call John my 'perfect sunshine boy cinnamon roll' or dismiss the privilege he was raised on due to his father, I'm aware he was a real person who had his own personality, virtues and prejudices. I won't deny that while he was certainly a progressive thinking man for the time he grew up in he definitely still had racist thoughts and actions that were indicative of his upbringing. But I'm not on here to debate modern, real life politics, or get into arguments about whether he was a good abolitionist or not. At the end of the day, this is still a hobby for me, and I'm writing for fun.

Basically, don't take it too seriously. I'm a 21st century bisexual woman writing from the POV of an 18th century (likely gay) male soldier, the way I write him is obviously not going to be a perfect representation of who he was. I know he wasn't an amazing, perfect person, but I've still chosen to write a fictionalized version of him for my own entertainment. Please try to respect that; thank you.

Mun Stuff

Name: Luna Gender: Female (She/Her or They/Them) D.o.B: July 23rd, 1996 Age: 24 Nationality: Canadian Sexuality: Bisexual Timezone: Eastern Time (US & Canada) Activity: Daily BIOGRAPHY (SORT OF)

Hello, there! You can call me Luna! I've been interested in writing ever since I first got the internet when I was 14 and discovered FanFiction.Net and now I'm an aspiring author and Roleplay enthusiast. If you include acting/talking out DnD like games with friends then I've been 'roleplaying' since the fifth grade, but I like to think there's always room for improvement. If you ever want to chat I'd love to make a new friend or plot out a roleplay, so don't be afraid to shoot me an ask or send me a private message. Just because my muse can be a jackass doesn't mean I am! I’m a huge advocate for mental health, and if you ever need someone to talk to, please don’t ever hesitate to reach out! Some of my hobbies including literature and writing (of course), digging into mythology from various cultures, practicing solitary eclectic paganism/new age spirituality, drinking tea, and collecting crystals/minerals.

Please note that for the sake of disclosure, I am considered ‘Neurodivergent’, in that I suffer from ADHD, diagnosed at about age six, and have Anxiety and Depression which are directly tied to it. This doesn’t often effect my life on here, but I sometimes have an unpredictable sleep schedule (stay up all night, sleep in late into the morning, etc). I’m usually quick to reply to threads for the most part! I work every Tuesday and Thursday from 5pm to 7pm in addition to odd jobs here and there, during which time I won’t have access to the Internet. The rest of the week I’m on and off all day basically, so you can feel free to contact me any time.

RP Style

⭐️ Please use basic spelling/grammar/punctuation when you RP with me. I'm not a drill sergeant about these kinds of things, I know that typos happen, and if you have a vision problem or such we can absolutely find a way to work around that, I also have no problem roleplaying with people whose first language is not English, so that's totally fine and I’m happy to accomodate in whatever way I can, but it does make it a little difficult to play with you if I don't know what you're trying to say. For this reason I prefer if you not use any text shorthand (lol, idk, brb, jk, etc) unless our muses are messaging each other. Using it in the tags is fine.

⭐️ I roleplay Laurens in a past-tense 3rd Person Point of View (think story-telling format), and generally I don't use icons or text formatting unless I notice my partner does, then I will try to match their style (for example if you use icons and small-text, I will try to do the same, though because formatting isn't possible on mobile, any mobile replies might take longer to be posted than if I were on my laptop). If you have any issues with how I'm writing or need me to adjust my style for any reason don't be afraid to ask.

Contact

⭐️ If you spam me with messages over and over again about something I haven't replied to, chances are I'll drop the thread. I don't mind being reminded because I know Tumblr's notifications are notoriously unreliable sometimes, and humans can forget/lose things, but if you keep poking at me after I've acknowledged you the first and second time, I won't be pleased. Things can get busy on here, or in real life, or sometimes you're just lacking muse for that particular thread, y'know? It doesn't mean I hate you and don't want to RP, I'm almost always up for plotting, but muse tends to fluctuate.

⭐️ My ‘Discord’ is available to mutuals upon request. I don't mind roleplaying on there if Tumblr is being glitchy or you're just not feeling up to formatted/heavily plotted threads, sometimes Discord is fun in that you can do immediate replies without needing the effort of putting icons and formatting into it. I also have a Kik but I never use it. I don't RP in Tumblr's IMs, that's purely for OOC interaction.

⭐️ I also occasionally stream movies/TV shows in group chats or play “in character” Cards Against Humanity game nights, Among Us, etc. If you’re interested, lemme know, I’m always looking for more people to hang out with!

Important

I have no actual triggers that I'm aware of, although snakes do creep me out (mostly shots of them coiled up or images of their pupils), but there are some things I will not roleplay personally for comfort reasons:

⭐️ Cannibalism. You can mention it, for example I won't freak out if someone tells my muse that somebody else ate a person (he might, assuming its not a Supernatural type verse), but I won't RP him engaging in cannibalism, not even in AUs (blood-drinking vampires are fine). I'm just not sure I could stomach writing about eating people. I managed to watch Hannibal, barely, but writing about it? Nah. I can handle lots of horror, gore and disturbing content but not this. Sorry.

⭐ Incest/Pedophilia. I do not SEXUALLY ship with characters under the age of 18. John is not attracted to children, and would never consider sleeping with someone much younger than him.

⭐ I will not write anything sexual with muns who are under 18 years old, even if your muse is an adult. I'll still ROLEPLAY with you if you are under 18 but probably no younger than 16 just because things tend to get explicit on my blogs and I don't want to be accused of corrupting the youth with my foul language and weird opinions, lol. Seriously though, this blog covers a lot of dark subjects and while I’m all for minors exploring that safely through writing rather than in real life, some people aren’t comfortable with interacting with under age people for legal or personal reasons, please respect that.

⭐ Necrophilia. Just... no. Vampire threads don't count, as they're undead and not 'dead dead'.

⭐ Rape. I won't write it with you. I'm okay with mentions of rape, with rape/sexual assault survivor/recovery plots, and even with one character intervening to rescue another from an attempted sexual assault (if an attempted assault does occur, it will be thoroughly tagged and under a cut). I'm fully open to discussing rape recovery/trauma plots as those are things that happen in real life, and it can be interesting to explore how a character reacts to trauma. But anything else is a no-go, sorry!

⭐ Please be aware that I write Laurens as a gay man. However! Because of the time period, violent homophobia and social stigma, he has slept with women before and may be seen flirting with or referencing relationships with women in the past. He is still gay, and still uninterested in being with women long term, he's simply closeted to all but a few individuals. So, unless your muse is Martha Manning (who Laurens DOES love in a manner, and he always will), shipping with female characters on here most likely isn't going to happen unless it's heavily plotted/developed and part of an overall plot, and you understand that it will not be a conventional sexual relationship. I'm sorry if that disappoints you but I've read Laurens as a gay male for so long I have trouble seeing him any other way.

⭐ I will not roleplay slavery plots. This is not up for debate. Roleplaying a highly fictionalized version of a long dead real person who existed during a troubling time is one thing, but I draw the line at that. For this reason, while I'll happily play with non-white muses, muses using non white faceclaims, and crossovers with characters of all sorts, I'll have to decline playing with any muse claiming to actually be writing slavery. There’s a difference between, say, roleplaying a character like Daenerys, a fictional character who was technically a slave-bride sold by her brother, and writing actual slavery from a very real, horrible time period. Slave ownership will of course be mentioned on this blog, that's unavoidable, but just like the mention of rape may happen on this blog from time to time, it will be in reference to a past event or speaking about the subject in general, not roleplaying a scene of it. Please respect this rule, I was hesitant to make this blog at first, because I know it makes some people uncomfortable, but I won't glorify such a horrible real thing that happened to so many people.

Exclusives/Mains

Just a head's up, unless I develop a bunch of chemistry with a particular portrayal of a muse I'm not likely to agree to being exclusives with anyone, unless perhaps it's a very niche or divergent character that has formed a good relationship of some sort with John and I'd have trouble interacting with other versions of that muse. For major characters I just feel it would be unfair to say no to someone who I click with in every other way, solely because I have already befriended someone else writing that character.

I will, however, discuss becoming mains with someone whom I've either developed or plotted out detailed storylines/interactions with regarding our specific portrayals of our characters. This means that I tend to reply to them quickly when I'm online, or may make little gifts (moodboards, aesthetic things, mini ficlets, whatever) for them unprompted, have a verse dedicated just to them, etc. Even if it seems like we haven't done much on Tumblr, there may be a lot of off-site development on Discord or whatnot that led to us plotting out intricate stories for our muses.

Current Mains:

Alexander Hamilton - @quillborn

⭐️ Send private messages.

⭐️ Send my character asks/starters/memes.

⭐️ Tag me in things.

⭐️ Ask to plot or ship.

⭐️ Ask for angst, fluff, etc.

⭐️ Submit things to me & my muse.

⭐️ Do crack and other ridiculous things with me!

⭐️ Like my RP threads.

⭐️ Like my personal posts.

⭐️ Comment on my personal/OOC posts (if you want to).

⭐️ Comment on my crack threads.

⭐️ Instant Message (IM) me if you'd like to talk, whether we're friends already or not!

DON'T

⭐️ Send hateful messages to me about other people and especially my mutuals; doesn't count if it's about the muse and not the person playing them, however. Also, if I’ve got beef with someone for whatever reason, don’t harass them/send hate to them on my behalf, please. I don’t condone anonymous abuse, attacking others, or harassment. I’m a big girl and I can take care of myself, I promise.

⭐️ Introduce yourself with ‘wanna ship?’ For one, I prefer if we’ve at least started a roleplay together, or have spoken OOC. Auto shipping doesn’t always work out and I hate promising people something only to realize there’s zero chemistry, because then I feel like I’m letting them down.

⭐️ Come into my inbox with just ‘wanna rp?’ and that’s it. Please at least have some idea of what you want to roleplay, it’s not very fun when someone approaches you to RP but then doesn’t offer up any suggestions at all. Remember, you are always free to send me memes, whether we’re mutuals or not, and hit me up for whatever plot you think might interest me! I want to hear about it!

⭐️ Spam me with "reminder" messages if I've already acknowledged you the first few times.

⭐️ Reblog my RP threads if you're not a participant in them.

⭐️ Send me anonymous OOC hate. Hate for Laurens is fine, it's just another form of roleplay.

⭐️ Kill off my character or severely injure/maim my character without permission or having plotted something involving that with me first.

⭐️ Follow me if you're a porn blog. I don't mind blogs that post NSFW content, or smut a lot, etc. I mean blogs that aren't for RP and are literally just a normal looking blog until you click on it and the header and first twenty posts are hardcore nudity and porn. I hate those things.

⭐️ Shame my ships.

⭐️ Complain about my tagging. I put my smut under a 'read more' without exception and tag them as "NSFW //" with two dashes. Things that are not necessarily graphic but still have sexual undertones go under "Suggestive //". I use these tags to avoid attracting attention from porn blogs and porn bots that track certain key words, as such I do not tag my content with "Smut" or trigger words such as "dick, oral, anal, nudity, etc", please block my NSFW and Suggestive tags if you're uncomfortable. Triggery subjects (mentions of rape, animal abuse, torture, mental illness) will be tagged under the name of said trigger with a space and two dashes, example: "Self Harm //", “Suicidal Ideation //” or "PTSD //".

⭐️ Godmod my character. If you’re not sure what is/isn’t okay, come talk to me! I don’t bite! If you’re looking for an example of god mod behavior, here: “X lunged at Laurens, taking him by surprise, and hit him square in the nose, causing blood to spurt.” It might not seem like a big deal but it means that you decided how your character’s actions affected my muse, and not only that, didn’t give him a chance to dodge or anything. Not cool.

⭐️ Ship with me without permission (sending in shippy asks is A-Ok if you're interested in exploring a ship between our muses, I'm talking about things like claiming that our muses are in a relationship without discussing it with me, referencing dates or sexual acts that never happened, etc. I ship mainly with chemistry otherwise things get boring fast.

⭐️ Assume/act like our characters know each other/are closely connected (friends/family/lovers) if we've never discussed it unless it is established in canon/history. This especially goes for original characters. I'm open to Laurens forming deep relationships with OCs obviously, but those have to be developed in character, not just assumed from the first interaction.

⭐️ Attempt to roleplay with me if you are not a roleplay blog/or if you're just trying to RP as "yourself." I don't do Character X Reader imagines stuff. I don't RP with 'fan' accounts, only RP blogs. You can still send asks so long as you're not trying to initiate an RP scenario. For example, asking Laurens what his hobbies are, asking for a blessing etc? That's fine. Spamming me with different actions "you" are talking to Laurens is weird. Stop that. I will also not RP with blogs that claim to roleplay as real life people, such as Markiplier, that's super creepy. This does NOT apply to "historical fiction" roleplay (obviously since that's what this blog is), which is considered its own genre of literature. I'm talking about the above where people will 'roleplay' as real life, currently alive people like YouTube celebrities and ship them with their friends, even if they've made it clear that they're uncomfortable with it.

⭐️ Get angry at me for doing something you don't like if you don't even have a rules page for me to go by. It's not fair; you can't expect your partners to just read your mind and magically know how you feel. If something bothers you let me know, I’ll make a note about it so I avoid it during our interactions!

⭐️ Use me as a meme resource blog without ever interacting with me. I don't require "reblog karma" for you to follow me, partners are more than welcome to reblog from me, but if we never interact and I just occasionally see you reblog fifteen posts from my meme tag and then disappear again I'm not gonna be happy. Go to the source or to an archived blog no longer getting notifications, please!

⭐️ Reblog my Meta/Headcanons. If they're from a different blog it's fine but the ones I've personally written are for MY portrayal of Laurens. I work hard on most of my stuff and I'd prefer if you didn't reblog it, not because you aren't allowed to have the same headcanon ideas as me, but because then it ends up getting liked or reblogged by lots of other people, spamming my notifications, etc.

OCs & Multimuses

I love OCs and multi-muse blogs (I have my own multimuse sideblog over at @historyremembers, which has other 18th century characters including the Hamilton children and some OCs), so feel free to interact! That being said, please have an about page of some sort on your blog. I can't follow back blogs that have absolutely no information available regarding their character(s). I don't RP with OC children of Laurens. This is nothing personal, but I'm fairly certain he was gay in real life and prefer to play him that way, and he only had one child - who he never even got to meet - in real life, so it just wouldn't make sense to me for him to have other kids running around unless he'd adopted some. If you're a multimuse, I may not follow you back if I'm only familiar with two of your muses if you have a blog of fifteen characters, simply because I'd prefer to keep my dash clean and only have characters/fandoms I'm familiar with on it. I'll still RP with you if you have a character I'm interested in! I just might not follow back if the majority of your characters I do not know, I apologize for this.

If you’ve made it to the end of this, congrats! I know it couldn’t be easy (my ADHD brain was frustrated trying to just write all this up) but it’s necessary so there’s not misunderstandings on what I am/am not willing to RP. I won’t ask for a password since I trust most people to have the courtesy to at least skim the rules of those they want to RP with.

Have a nice day!

#Everybody Listen Up! {PSA}#Out Of The Field {OOC}#Long Post //

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