#but idk i was really touched i guess like wow maybe i’m not that annoying/horrible of a nurse bc i’m kinda unprofessional when i talk? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

likethesword · 3 years

Note

I saw your writing thing you're doing and I just had to follow you for it, but then i decided I wanted to come up with an idea for you and idk if you've done anything like this or similar but i was thinking maybe a prinxiety fic with the word "sugar" or "honey"? just a thought .

Hi anon! Thank you so much for following! Sorry this sat in my inbox for a bit, I had no idea what to write with it lol. But I think I’ve come up with something that you’ll enjoy!

Sugar and Sweat

Pairing: prinxiety, very background logicality

Words: 3045

Warnings: alcohol (no one gets full drunk, just a little tipsy), kissing, a bit suggestive I guess? (roman thinks virgil is really hot (he’s right)). Let me know if i missed one!

It was a bright Saturday afternoon when Roman’s world shifted.

He was walking out of his favorite coffee shop, a locally owned place called Remy’s Roast, tea in hand. It was a new flavor today, and he was excited to try it. He opened the glass door and bumped right into someone. They had been walking with headphones on and looking at their phone, so they hadn’t seen him coming. They took a few startled steps back on impact and watched in horror as Roman’s tea dropped from his hand and spilled all over the floor.

Roman swore quietly as the hot drink splashed onto his shoes, but he was more annoyed than anything. He’d definitely be late to the theatre at this point.

The stranger gasped in horror at what they’d done and reached toward Roman as though they were trying to protect him from something. “I’m so sorry! I’m so clumsy, oh my God. Are you alright?” They asked, the look in their eyes nearing panic.

Roman sighed in annoyance. “I’m fine,” he said, reaching toward a stack of paper napkins on the counter to dry his shoes. “Not burned or anything.”

“I’m seriously so sorry. Could I buy you a replacement drink to make up for it?”

Roman stole a quick glance at the clock on the wall. He was already going to be horribly late considering the traffic, but as he looked at the stranger in front of him, he figured that the cast could live one day without him.

“Alright, that would be nice.” He said, giving them a smile that he hoped didn’t seem too forced.

Thankfully though, the stranger smiled in return as they held their hand out for Roman to shake. “Awesome…” they trailed off as they came to the realization that Roman hadn’t given his name yet. “Sorry,” they chuckled to themselves. “I don’t think I caught your name.”

“I didn’t throw it,” Roman remarked, and nearly laughed out loud as the stranger seemed to struggle between being offended and being intrigued. “Sorry, I can never resist a Heathers reference,” he said, shaking their hand. “I’m Roman, he/him pronouns.”

“Virgil, he/him.” He said, visibly relaxing. After standing and holding Roman’s hand under the pretense of a handshake for maybe a bit too long, Virgil shook himself and started to head further into the cafe. As they stood in line to order, Roman struck up a conversation about the pins he had noticed on his backpack. He especially made sure to call out the Nightmare Before Christmas he had noticed, commenting that it was one of his favorite stop-motion movies of all time.

This, apparently, was the right thing to say, because Virgil’s eyes lit up as he rambled about the movie. He flapped his hands in excitement a few times, but stopped as soon as he caught himself. “Sorry,” he said sheepishly, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his hoodie. “I do that when I get excited sometimes.”

“Oh, don’t apologize!” Roman said quickly. “I do it too. Usually I have some kind of stim toy with me that I can use so I don’t hit anyone in the face. Seriously, you hit an old lady once and you’re never allowed to live it down.” He rolled his eyes for extra effect.

Virgil snorted, pulling his hands out and touching each fingertip to his thumb again and again. “Wow, didn’t think I was talking to an old lady hitter,” he snarked, making Roman press a hand to his chest in mock offense.

“Wow, I didn’t know I was talking to someone who has no empathy for past mistakes!” He shot back, making Virgil cackle. He grinned at the sound, and strangely, felt his face warm slightly. That was a bit strange. He didn’t feel particularly hot at the moment. He shook it off when they finally reached the front of the line and Virgil asked him what he wanted.

“A peppermint tea,” he said with a smile. Virgil considered him for a second, then gave his order.

“Peppermint tea with two spoonfuls with sugar,” he said, taking Roman slightly off guard. He wouldn’t have pegged this short emo as a tea person, let alone with sugar. They sat at a table as they waited for the drinks.

“I wouldn’t have labeled you as a tea person,” he remarked after they were settled.

Virgil furrowed his eyebrows and pursed his lips, tilting his head to the side slightly. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“No offense, Hot Topic, but I’d assume you’re more a coffee person. Gotta have the bitter drink to match the bitter personality, after all.” He chuckled, resting his elbows on the table and propping his chin in his hands.

“Oh, no way,” Virgil wrinkled his nose in distaste. “I don’t need that much caffeine in my system. I’m already gay and anxious, I don’t need to walk any faster.” He laughed, seemingly ignoring the fact that he had just come out to a complete stranger.

Roman allowed himself to laugh casually, trying desperately to ignore the voice that was cheering in his mind. He’s gay, he’s gay, he’s gay!!! It chirped, to his annoyance. “Trust me, I know. As a pan person, I’d just kinda… hover over the sidewalk.”

Virgil snorted, and the voice inside Roman’s mind squealed at the top of its metaphorical lungs. It was that kind of day, apparently.

He also didn’t miss the way Virgil’s cheeks flushed and his eyes trailed over him.

Luckily, he was saved from any more embarrassing thoughts by the barista calling their order.

They sat and sipped their drinks in mostly silence, occasionally breaking it to ask a question or quote a meme. It felt as though they had known each other a lot longer than an hour. Eventually, Roman’s roommate called asking him to bring home ingredients for dinner, and Virgil had to get home to work.

They walked out the door together, but Roman stopped him outside under the large blue awning of the cafe.

“I just wanted to say that I really enjoyed talking to you today, Virgil,” Roman started, fidgeting with his hands. “And, if you’ll let me, maybe next time you’ll let me take you out on a real date? Something casual like bowling, I don’t know.”

Virgil snorted, trying to hide his smile behind his hand. “Really? Your first thought for a casual date is bowling?”

“I’m kind of thinking on the fly here!” Roman defended himself, smacking Virgil’s arm playfully, which only made him laugh harder. Roman allowed himself to smile too, though it was more like a sappy grin. When he finally stopped laughing so hard, Virgil reached out and grabbed one of his restless hands.

“Yeah, that sounds good, Princey. Hopefully next time I won’t spill your tea as an opener.”

Roman snickered, feeling butterflies in his stomach. “Oh!” He exclaimed, pulling his phone out of his pocket and opening it up. “Could I have your number?”

Virgil noticeably blushed as he took the phone. “Yeah,” he said shyly. The moment he was done, he shoved the phone back at Roman, still blushing. “I’ve gotta run, sorry. Text me?”

“Definitely.”

They shared one last smile before Virgil turned and walked away down the sidewalk. Roman glanced down at his phone and caught sight at the name Virgil had entered. He had typed the letter V, followed by a stormcloud, a tea cup, and a purple heart. And damn if Roman’s heart didn’t nearly burst out of his chest over it.

~~~~~

About a week later, Roman was stressed out of his mind. He had his first date with Virgil tonight, and despite being a self proclaimed romance expert, he couldn’t find a single thing to wear. In an act of desperation, he called Logan.

He poked his head in the doorway of the room, looking bored. “What do you need?”

“How did you get Patton to fall in love with you?” He blurted out, in the middle of tossing yet another shirt to the ground in frustration. Logan blinked and straightened his glasses, then walked in to sit on Roman’s bed.

“Communication, I suppose. What brought this to mind?”

Roman shrugged, trying a different shirt and sighing in frustration. The pieces in Logan’s mind clicked together, and he let out a soft “ah.”

“This is about your date, isn’t it?”

Roman sputtered indignantly, which was all the answer Logan needed. “It’ll be fine, Roman. This is only the first date, after all. It’s not as though you need to be worrying about falling in love right now.”

Roman was silent for a few moments, then spoke in a small voice. “What if he doesn’t like me?”

“He does, we both know this. He wouldn’t have agreed to go out with you otherwise,” He stood and went over to him, gently resting his chin on his friend’s shoulder. “Even if you decide that you are better off as friends, it’s not the end of the world. You’ve had breakups before, and you’ve made it through to the other side. And while I do not think it’s likely, if Virgil says that he feels nothing for you at all, you will always have me. And Patton, and Janus, and Remus.”

Roman nodded, though he still looked nervous. “You’re right, as always. Thanks, Lo.”

Logan smiled wryly and removed his chin, surveying the mess of clothes on the floor. “Any time. Now, let’s find you an outfit.” He searched through his closet and the items on the floor, knowing exactly what he was looking for. Once he had collected the entire outfit, he shoved it at Roman. “Put it on, and I’ll get my makeup out for you.”

Roman’s spirit seemed to breathe a sigh of relief through the getting-ready process. He actually really liked the clothes that Logan had chosen, a pair of dark blue jeans with a white button-up. He tucked the front of the shirt into his jeans, leaving the rest undone, and nodded in approval. He grabbed his jean jacket off the back of a chair for a finishing touch, and headed out to the living room for Logan to do his thing.

He and Logan sat in the living room chatting as Logan added makeup to his face. Not much; some contour here, a little blush there, maybe a touch of highlight over there. When he was finished, you could barely tell that he was wearing any, but there was a different look to Roman’s features. Logan had found the perfect balance between sharp and round, drawing attention to his angular jaw and the slope of his nose while still showing off the way his cheeks swelled when he smiled.

There was a sharp knock at the door, and Roman jumped. He looked over at Logan, who squeezed his hand reassuringly. “You’ll be fine. It’s just one date.” He reassured him, and Roman took a deep breath. He walked over and opened the door, opening his mouth to deliver some suave line, but it left his mind as soon as he took in the man standing on his doorstep.

Virgil had chosen to wear a black miniskirt, the hem only coming down to his mid-thigh. He had a thick black belt with small silver chains dangling from it that jingled while he walked, and a dark purple top under a black hoodie. He scuffed the toe of his combat boots against the floor, looking up at Roman and smiling as he tried to process the sight in front of him.

“You good there, Princey?” Roman, who was still speechless, settled for just nodding. Logan came up behind him and reached out his hand for him to shake. “Good evening, you must be Virgil. I’m Roman’s roommate, Logan. I like your eyeliner.”

Virgil smiled again, though this one seemed much less teasing. “Thanks. Are you gonna give me the shovel-talk?”

“Oh, no. Roman is more than capable of defending himself, I’m not worried.”

“Got it. You ready to go, Ro?” He asked, looking at Roman again, who seemed to have regained some of his brain function.

“Yeah. See ya later, Lo,” He patted his pockets, looking around in confusion. “Where are my-” Logan interrupted by handing him his wallet, phone, and keys. “What would I do without you?”

“Starve, get locked out of the apartment, and just generally be miserable.” Logan said plainly, though there was a ghost of a smile on his lips.

“You’re damn right. I’ll be back later.” He said, walking out the door to join Virgil.

“Stay safe kids.” Logan teased, swinging the door shut in their faces.

“He seems like a charmer,” Virgil remarked sarcastically, bumping his shoulder against Roman’s on their way to the elevator down to the ground level of the apartment building.

“Oh he is. He and his boyfriend, Patton, are tooth-rottingly sweet. Much like you like your tea, if I remember correctly.”

“Hey, not my fault I like to enjoy my drinks instead of having bitter disappointment,” Virgil said, giving him a glare that had no heat behind it.

They got into Virgil’s car, still bantering back and forth. Roman almost forgot that he had no idea where they were going, which would have usually freaked him out. They did eventually pull up to a bar, but from the outside it didn’t look like it. It didn’t have any big flashy lights or a line out the door, it was just a short brick building with warm yellow lights that shone through the windows out into the street.

They parked and walked toward the bar, Roman huddling maybe a little closer to Virgil’s side than strictly necessary. His anxieties were soothed a bit as they made it through the door with no issues. Virgil pointed him toward a seating area near a small stage that Roman assumed was for live music, though tonight there was no one on the stage.

They ordered their drinks, Roman’s a whiskey, and Virgil’s something off the menu that had five different liquors in it and looked entirely too sweet to be palatable. Roman gave him a strange look when the bartender said their charge was on the house. Virgil, however, just smiled knowingly at him.

The two sat and sipped at their drinks, just talking like they had in the cafe. As the alcohol warmed his stomach, Roman felt himself loosening up. He wasn’t so tense anymore, letting himself laugh louder at Virgil’s jokes, even leaning into his side a bit.

Though the glow was shattered when the bartender came over, telling Virgil that they were ready for him. Virgil just nodded and pulled away from Roman, asking him to wait. Though he was confused, Roman did. He stayed in the same seat, occasionally taking a sip of his drink. When Virgil was gone for five minutes and there was no sign of him coming back soon, he started getting anxious again. Then, gradually, the house lights dimmed and the lights came up on the stage.

~~~~~

Roman had no idea he had a thing for musicians.

But now, seeing Virgil sitting on that stage, legs crossed as to not let anyone see past his skirt, a guitar in his arms and a microphone positioned at his mouth, Roman thought he had never seen a more attractive person.

But then Virgil started strumming, and his breath caught in his throat. He opened his mouth, and music poured out of him like a waterfall, so full of emotion and personality that it stole the air from Roman’s lungs.

Then he smirked over at him like he knew exactly what he was doing, and Roman had to use every ounce of his self control not to storm the stage and kiss him until he forgot the lyrics of the song.

He played a few songs, each one seeming more amazing than the last. Roman allowed himself to drown in his voice, treating each word like its own being, holding on to it for just long enough before dropping it and holding the next one. It was incredible, and Roman almost forgot that he was on a date, not in his room listening to an album on Spotify.

Then, as his last song for the night, Virgil spoke. “Anyway, here’s Wonderwall.” He said, grinning directly at Roman, who groaned playfully. It was still incredible, of course, but Roman couldn’t believe that he had chosen the most cliche song ever to close with.

He let the last notes ring out in the bar, then the lights went out, leaving the audience in darkness. When they came back on, he was gone from the stage. Roman was on his feet in an instant, asking the bartender where backstage was. He was pointed in the right direction, and he had to fight not to run. He came around a corner and caught sight of a short dark-haired guy putting a guitar away. “Virgil!” He called out, as loud as he dared. Virgil lifted his head, looking up in confusion. Roman rushed the rest of the way to him, cupped his face in his hands, and pressed his lips against his.

His only thought was that Virgil tasted like sweat and sugar.

Recovering from being caught off guard, Virgil’s eyes fluttered shut and he grabbed Roman’s hips, pulling him closer. Roman’s hands slipped from his cheeks into his hair and Virgil let out a pleased groan.

When Roman pulled back, Virgil tried to chase his lips, but Roman put a hand on his chest. “I’m sorry, I should’ve asked first.” He said breathlessly.

Virgil shook his head. “It’s okay. I’m not complaining.” His voice was slightly hoarse from singing, and he was breathing heavily.

“You didn’t tell me you could sing!” Roman said accusingly, giving him a half-hearted glare, earning him a hearty laugh.

“Did you enjoy your surprise?” Virgil asked teasingly.

“Oh, very much so.” Roman responded, voice low and smooth, sending a shiver up Virgil’s spine.

“Then I think it was worth it.” Virgil murmured, then kissed him again.

Roman felt that he could spend the rest of his life tasting nothing but sweat and sugar, and he’d be perfectly fine with that.

General:

@definitely-a-living-human

@my-friends-art-and-writing

@arodynamic-enby

@ari-the-writer-enby

@me-a-mess-morelikelythanyouthink

@irritating-lady-knight

@asexualtrashcan

@the17thmeatball

@inku-snas-art

@fandoms-are-my-one-true-love

Prinxiety:

@queen-of-tragedy-and-strife

@humanbeingiguess

#kat's writing #prinxiety #romantic prinxiety #tw alcohol #tw drinking #tw kissing #tw suggestive #anon asks #ts virgil #ts roman #virgil in a skirt rights #when i had the idea to put virgil in a skirt i had to stop typing to happy stim #nanowrimo day 24

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midnighthyuck · 5 years

Text

Painting Home | seungwoo!au

summary: the arts club made you feel home. But you’d discover later that in fact, walking home with Seungwoo, the quiet emo looking guy, was indeed... well, home.

words: 2.680.

pairing: you & han seungwoo.

a/n: this is my first time writing something like this. slow burn? a bit poetic? idk BUT i promise i’ll write better stuff from now on.

requests are open!

Art Club. That was the only thing in your mind ever since you first heard about it from your new class mate. Moving hasn’t been the best experience so far, but in fact the new school was heaven (compared to your last and horrible experience, including arrogant girls and annoying ass boys). People were kind with the new student, always making sure you were feeling home. They were great. And the clubs as well.

Being in a bigger city offered uncountable new opportunities, from 24/7 stores to really interesting clubs in school.

And for no specific reason the art club has been stuck in your mind. Of course, your dad opening an art gallery in the city did lean you to grow a bigger interest in the field, but it wasn’t the real reason that had you running to apply for the club before it was too late (and full of applicants). Maybe it was the feeling of ink in your hands. Perhaps the smell of wet paper and emollient that had always made you feel calm.

In fact, painting always made you feel home.

But what got you shock in the second you arrived there was the lack of you exactly thought was going to be you worst enemy. People.

The club’s room for sure was not the biggest around school, you bet, but it wasn’t small. Or maybe it just seemed bigger thanks to the three boys in there.

Three? Well, if your basic knowledge in math was correct, yes. Three people.

‘’Yes? Can we help you?” a guy asked from the back of the room, coming closer as he cleaned his hands on the already pretty dirty apron of his.

‘’Er, I'm here to apply for the club...’’ you said in a lower tone than actually expected.

His expression got confused for a second, lightening up in next, opening the mouth in a honestly surprised smile. ‘’For real?’’ it only made the smile grow bigger once you mumbled a ‘yes’. You felt the warm touch of his hands on yours while taking you in the yet unknown place. ‘’Come in! Guys, we’ve got a new member”.

And now finally the others seemed to realize that you’ve been there.

‘’I’m Wooseok! Those are Seungwoo and Eunsang. I’m the club’s president. You are...?’’ the friendly boy said, still grabbing on you.

“Y/N’’ you answered short, moving your gaze from your hand on his to his curious eyes, taking a barely audible ‘sorry’ from the guy. Once you felt free again, you took a while to observe the other boys in front of you.

Eunsang, a weird guy with red hair. That was your first impression (the one that would change once you started spending time with the younger boy, becoming in fact one of your best friends).

Seungwoo, definitely a guy who didn’t speak much. And that followed from the next weeks, or maybe months, you weren't much sure.

[…]

The art club was everything you ever needed.

You’d spend at least three hours, three times a week, in the place with the strong ink smell.

As time passed your relationship with your colleagues had also started changing.

Wooseok was a friendly person, that was clear from day one, but was also a moody one. Somedays he’d come to the (almost) empty room with bags of chocolates, ready to please his friends. On others, he’d come and go as silent as a ghost, barely seeming alive.

Eunsang became a very dear friend. He’d act shy whenever someone praised him by his natural painting talents, but near you he’d be the annoying little brother you’ve in fact never had. He was a special boy, with a very sweet heart.

And there was Seungwoo, that even after all this long, had never started a conversation with you. Of course, you guys talked, it wasn’t as if you (or him) were stranger (yet you felt like it).

‘’Today’s so hot.’’, ‘’Do you know where’s the yellow ink?”, “Wow it looks amazing!”, “Could you pass me the paint brush? No, no, the bigger one. Thanks.’’ and so on were the few times you had been brave enough to start a small (and when I say small, I really mean it) conversation with him.

But that was just fine. Some people don’t really talk as much as Eunsang does, you used to think.

Months had passed and you could say that for the first time you felt home.

The moody Wooseok, the annoyingly lovely Eunsang, the quiet Seungwoo. They were like family to you.

They were great to you. And for you.

[…]

Returning home late was not an usual thing, especially after school had closed. But you were up to the cleaning shifts on that day, and as Wooseok would love to point out, you can be very slow sometimes.

Walking past the subway station where you stop by every day you heard a horrifying whistle, hurrying the pace, no daring to turn around and check if it wasn’t just your imagination.

‘’Hey, want me to take you home, princess?’’ a disgusting voice came from what seemed to be behind you, but not for sure. ‘’Why are you running, bae? Let’s just talk.’’

I’m not running, you thought, before you could think once again and maybe run for real, an almost unrealistic shaped shadow became solid right in front of you.

Screaming was a great idea, but nothing was coming out. You tried to move, but your body just wouldn’t respond.

‘’Get the fuck out of here, asshole.’’ the hard as rock shadow in front of you said, emotionless.

Scream stupid, scream! Your mind shouted at yourself. And nothing. When you thought it’d be the end of you, a familiar voice whispered at you, making you finally relax after all.

‘’They’re gone. Why are you walking alone around here at this time?’’ Seungwoo asked.

Seungwoo talked to you first, for the first time, you thought, smiling without realizing.

‘’Why are you walking alone around here at this time?’’ you made Seungwoo frown. How could she make a joke like that when she was shaking so bad 5 centimeters in front of him?

‘’I live near by.’’

‘’Well, same.’’ you smiled once again, trying to move forward to go home, but your legs were just shaking too much. ‘’I’m so scared’’ you laughed ‘’I’m so fucking scared I can’t walk.’’

Seungwoo helped you to seat nearby the convenience store, right next to your house, but that detail the boy didn’t know. He ran in and came out in what seemed like five seconds so far, bringing you some strawberry milk. For the first time Seungwoo was talking.

He talked about the weather, about his family and how his sister hated the fact that he’d stain his uniform with ‘ugly ass ink’ at least once a month, he talked about Wooseok’s joke earlier that day, he talked about how he felt sorry for not talking to you enough to know that you guys lived close.

‘’Let’s walk home together from now on’’ he said at last, watching you finish the small milk box.

[…]

From the next weeks you started finding yourself way comfortable around Seungwoo. Walking home, different from what you had thought, was not so quiet.

Seungwoo did talked a lot when feeling like it. He was a good company.

And that was problem.

Seungwoo was a very good company, making you flutter sometimes.

You had always been aware of his good looks, but his personality was even... sweeter.

That was just a thing in the first months, but after you found out by chattery Wooseok that a girl had confessed to him, you found yourself sulking, almost angry. Jealous.

That wasn’t right.

But how to take away feelings you’ve got no control in?

Perhaps painting. And so you did.

You expressed all yourself on those fabric canvas. For the next three months you secretly cried your heart out on those, hoping that’d take away that feeling you had never wished for.

One day, walking back home, you suddenly felt like crying at a specific scene.

Seungwoo was smiling at you, screaming ‘hurry’ while pointing at a couple of stray cats on the other side of the street. The traffic light was red. You had to wait. And for a second, like a light bulb exploding inside your mind, you were sure.

You were in love with Seungwoo.

But just like that red light, you were stuck.

You knew you could never reach him.

[…]

‘’Are you ok?’’ Eunsang asked, taking a sip of his milkshake.

That day you didn’t go home with Seungwoo. You said you felt like spending time with your fake little brother. And so you did.

‘’I will be ok’’.

‘’What’s up? You might think that I and the other guys haven’t realized, but we did. Your paints have gotten so... different?’’

“What do you mean by that’’

“I mean we know there’s something going on in this pretty little head of yours.’’

“I just need some time, ok?”

“Yes, ma'am.’’ Eunsang laughed. “But you know I’m here for you, don’t you?”

“I do.” you caught up yourself smiling. It was good having friends like him.

[…]

‘’You seem better today.’’ Wooseok pointed, passing by you and taking a look at your current work. “Wow, we even got color on it this time! I don’t know what Eunsang has done yesterday, but it worked.’’

‘’Shut up’’ you laughed, being followed by Eunsang in the corner of the room.

Later that day you and Seungwoo stopped by a furniture store, it was your mom’s birthday soon and you had started looking for a nice gift.

‘’I know we’re not that close, but, you know, if you need help you can always ask me.’’ Seungwoo said out of blue.

‘’Er, I guess I know and that’s why I dragged you in here’’ you laughed.

‘’That’s not what I mean.’’

“What do you mean then?” you asked robotically while running your fingers on the shelf in front of you, taking a better look on those decoration mugs. Your mom would probably like it, you thought.

You’ve got no answer, but it was ok. That was just Seungwoo, he’d hang up in a conversation once in a while, perhaps lost in his own thoughts.

You thanked the cashier before leaving the store with the burgundy classic shaped mug hanging on a plastic bag.

‘’I mean... I care about you. I really do.’’ Seungwoo said before you entered home.

You didn’t sleep that night.

Canceling the once daily ‘home walks’ with Seungwoo became so frequent you didn’t have to even cancel anymore. He just wouldn’t wait for you in the entrance door.

A part of you was happy that you succeeded in pushing him away, other part always held a small spark of hope deep inside your heart, hoping he’d be there, waiting for you while checking something on his phone, and that he’d smile once his gaze met yours. That part of you died daily once he wasn’t there.

Instead, Eunsang was on your company almost every day.

[…]

The first time Seungwoo missed club activities you felt something was off.

The second time you couldn’t keep your mind straight.

After two weeks of skipping activities you couldn’t help.

When conscience hit you, were standing on his front door, knocking like crazy.

‘’Why are you he...’’ he couldn’t finish. You didn’t let him to do so.

“Why are you missing club activities?’’

‘’You could’ve just messaged me, you know.’’

‘’Can’t you just answer me?’’

“What, do I own you answers now?”

You froze.

“I’m just worried. That’s what friends do.’’ you said, holding you tears down your throat trying to cover up your voice as well.

A hint of guilt made itself present on Seungwoo’s face. He really wanted to be mean, to send you away because looking at you now was painful. But seeing how much reaction he caused on you the stupid melting side of his could let him go on.

‘’Sorry... I just need to be alone for a while.’’

“Can’t I be with you?’’

He blinked twice, swallowing his words down his throat. “No.’’

“Wooseok misses you. Eunsang too.’’ you mumbled. “I miss you.’’

Now Seungwoo was finally looking at you. In fact, it was as if he was looking through you, trying to find out something you didn’t know what.

He said nothing else. Neither did you.

Another week had passed by and no sign of Seungwoo’s lovely aura in the art club.

[…]

After what seemed an entire month, but actually were just two weeks, he returned. No questions, no news, no nothing. It was as if nothing had ever happened.

[…]

The end of the year was close, three months exactly.

Wooseok was giving instructions to you, who’d be the new president of the club while Eunsang and Seungwoo were finishing cleaning the floor.

Seungwoo and Wooseok were graduating from high school and although the president appeared excited with the idea of College, your (yet) secret crush didn’t seem as happy.

The next week were based in taking off the seniors' paintings of the room.

That was when you found a very curious one. ‘’Home’’ you read out loud. For no reason the image of a child with light colored clothes walking around the flower field running to a shadow stuck in your mind for the past days.

‘’I guess Seungwoo painted about death, what do you think?” you could still remember Wooseok’s question.

But that was not it. Not death.

[…]

You tried to smile in the picture, but acting was definitely one of your poorest skills.

You would miss them.

You would miss him.

And maybe telling him how you felt was a good idea, but you didn’t.

When Wooseok and Eunsang left to buy some popsicles to you all, you sat next to him, feeling alive one last time.

‘’Will we see each other again?’’ you asked. That would be the last time you’d start a conversation with him.

For a while Seungwoo made himself quiet. ‘’Perhaps.’’

You smiled sadly. So that was it. No happy endings. No final kisses. No happy forever.

“I’ve got something for you’’ he said once again before you could think about crying.

And so he handed out, the beautiful yet mystery painting. Home.

“What’s home for you?’’ he asked.

You.

“I don’t really know.’’ you said, taking the canvas as if it was glass. “What’s home for you?”

You.

“I don’t know either.’’

“I’ll miss home’’ you felt a tear dropping by your cheeks. “I guess I will really miss it.’’

That day for one last time you walked home together. Feeling the heart ache each step you’d take.

You took forever to walk out from the subway station that day, and took even longer to arrive home. Arriving home but leaving home. What a funny story. When preparing to wave goodbye, you felt it.

Warm.

Annoyingly comfortable and warm.

“When I said I cared about you, I meant it. And when I said I don’t really know what’s home like, I also did. But strangely I think I’m almost there when I’m with you.’’ Seungwoo held you like there was no tomorrow. And there wasn’t. “I’m gloomy and shy and quiet and I’ve got a short temperament, I also hate myself for being jealous of you. Especially about Eunsang... I hate that I can’t control this feelings. I hate that I feel so good when I’m with you. But... I do like you. So much.’’

“Why did you take so long to tell me all this?” you felt the tears running. ‘’We could’ve walked home every day. We could’ve spent more time together. I could’ve confessed to you. I could’ve... given you so much love.”

“Is it too late to be home?” Seungwoo smiled at you, running his fingers on your face, getting rid of those tear drops.

‘’It’s never too late to be home.’’

And yes, the kiss. The so waited final kiss.

“Welcome home.”

#han seungwoo #x1 scenarios #x1 imagines #seungwoo imagine #x1 han seungwoo #victon seungwoo #fluff #seungwoo imagines #x1

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coolguycy · 4 years

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hey i found an essay from may that i had to write for my english class. we were supposed to do a “stream of consciousness” essay about quarantine.

idk i just thought it’d be fun to show yall my inner monologue

fair warning: this was written at one am and features huge amounts of oversharing

Ah, quarantine. Everyone’s favorite time. Not. I don't really know what I was expecting. I thought it would be a few weeks at home, I’d get to relax, catch up on some shows I’ve been meaning to watch and a month later everything would go back to normal. Boy was I wrong! Time seems to move differently in quarantine. March felt three years long and I’m not entirely convinced April happened. I wish there was more to do. I hate being bored so much. At this point I’d take more school work over boredom. That's big, coming from me.

“But Cy,” I hear you say, “quarantine has given you so much time to do all those things you want to do! How can you possibly be bored?” The funny thing is, after about two weeks there isn't much left to do. My problem is that I binge watch shows and finish them too fast. I watched Gravity Falls the two days. That’s 20 episodes a day. At that rate, I could watch everything on netflix by the time quarantine is over. But, I’ve already watched all the good shows, I’ve played all the games, read all the books. I’ve baked so many cookies I might die if I eat one more. I have nothing to do but go on walks and refresh my social media over and over to see if anyone else has posted anything. That gets dull fast.

But I suppose it’s not all bad. Without quarantine, I never would have gotten discord and made all my new friends. Back in March, (wow, has it really been that long?) a group of freshmen made a discord server so we could all keep in touch or get help with homework while our classes are online. Then through a friend I was invited to another server for LGBTQ+ people trying to make friends. Through that server I got invited to another and through that one another. Now I’m on 13 servers and have a ton of friends! It’s weird to think that this horrible pandemic can have such positive side effects.

This isn’t caused by the virus, but it’s affecting my quarantine so I guess it counts. My older sister is coming home for good. She’s been living in Utah for a little over a year now and this will be my first time seeing her since February. It’s not that I didn’t miss her, I did. It’s just Sarah is super homophobic/transphobic. I mean, my whole family is to an extent, but at least my dad and yonder siblings try to understand the LGBTQ+ community. It occurs to me, as I’m writing this, that I don't know how out of the closet I am. For context, I’m asexual and panromantic. I came out as pan to my younger sisters in September, my older sister in November and the rest of my family in December. ⅔ sisters took it really well. Sarah did not. She almost outed me to my mom before I was ready, which was majorly not cool. Everytime she comes home we end up arguing politics and it's just a generally not fun time for all involved. She gets home on Saturday and I’m supposed to be nice to her. I really don't want to see her, much less be quarantined with her. Being around her is like having a second, shorter mom who doubles as a try hard therapist. In other words, bossy and annoying. Maybe I’m being a little harsh, she’s not really all that bad, but i’d rather not have her around 24/7. She can be a lot to handle.

On the other hand, my mom told me earlier that she's trying to get me an appointment to get me an official diagnosis for anxiety. A diagnosis means a prescription, which should help me stay calm while I'm stuck indoors so that's cool.

I feel like I'm really oversharing. But I mean you did ask for an inner monologue and these are my thoughts. I could take out all the bad parts, but I’m almost at two pages and I want to go to bed. I’m writing this at one am, because that's when my words flow best. Any other time, I worry about what I’m saying, whether or not it’s “right”. But at one in the morning, my brain stops caring and that lets me just think whatever thoughts I want and write them down. But of course, saying that has ruined it and I’m now worried about doing it right. You said “stream of consciousness style” about quarantine, but my stream of consciousness doesn't stay on one topic for very long. I think I did it right. It all relates to quarantine in one way or another so it’s probably fine.

So, yeah, there it is. My thoughts on quarantine. I feel like this needs a concussion, but that doesn't seem very “stream of consciousness” to me. If i was to give this a TL;DR, I’d say: Quarantine is boring, but I made friends. Also I’m tired and I overshare things. Thats kind of like a conclusion, right? It’s good enough for me.

#i changed a few words so it didnt have my deadname #but other than that this is what i turned in #so yeah #i say shit

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skamfairy · 5 years

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Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - thoughts after reading it for the first time

oh my god it’s come to this. we made it. WE ARE HERE. at the end. im emotional. shsajhahjs THATS AN UNDERSTATEMENT. This whole book has left me so emotionally drained but not in a bad way. it made me feel so so so much and change everything and i’m just shjjhsahjas I GOT A LOT OF THOUGHTS but i’m also worried i’ll forget things cos i took a long time to read this and a lot happened so ashjashjas let’s see how i go (i really should have kept notes as i read but i’m chaotic and it’s too late sajsahj i’ll do that if i ever review a book on here again)

THIS IS SO LONG so if you read all of this then sajhsajha wow you must really love me or harry, or both sdhjasjhahjssajh 💖

ALRIGHT lets start with dudley!! it feels like years ago now but when he actually showed feelings towards harry it was soooo good and unexpected and i really really loved that choice. like showing that he’s not a villain or anything and that he does actually care for harry despite being such a brat his whole life sahjsahj idk it made me remember that he’s just a kid too who was also raised by the dursley’s you know? anyway i loved it and i’m hoping harry and him do sorta keep in touch.

this also feels like a big part of the theme in this series i want to touch on. I feel like instead of villainising characters straight up, we sorta get to see that when you are shown nothing but cruelty and disrespect then they are the traits you will only know as you grow and it’s really sad but also creates incredible empathy and understanding in the reader when you see characters like draco and dudley kinda follow what their parents teach them. and then when you get that reminder with both characters that that’s not really them and once they begin to think for themselves or get shown something else they can finally branch away from that and be who they really are. That’s what i love so much in this series! being able to see that they aren’t evil or bad they’ve just been taught shitty behaviour and they can change once they follow their own beliefs and not those of their parents.

i also had a slight critique about slytherin’s potrayal here shjashj but i deleted it cos i felt like i ranted more than i should ashjashj but basically i just felt like there was sooooo much anti-slytherin content in the series but i got it cos i figured it was all building up to a big SLYTHERINS ARE GOOD TOO LETS BE FRIENDS moment and i mean i wasn’t wrong? we got that sorta, in the end when harry talked to his son and told him that slytherins are cool too, although the example was snape jhsjhsa. but yeah i think after all that i was expecting something more idk. especially cos i found it weird that not a single slytherin was in dumbledores army or fought on the order of phoenix side in the battle. like they all just left! but idk maybe i’m too new to hp to understand sahjsahj i just thought at least a couple slytherins would fight just to show that not all of them are bad but maybe they were scared cos of voldemort’s ties to the house shjashj sorry this still turned into a bit of a rant but i’m not like annoyed just surprised. imagine a character who was in the squad but they were slytherin sjhasjh

ANYWAY back on track shjasjhas

hedwig dying broke my god damn heart

IM CRYING remember when fred and george got turned into harry’s and they turned to each other and said in sync “WOW WE’RE IDENTICAL!” im sorry i just flicked to that page by accident to remember what to discuss next and that just made me laugh again im sahjahjhjsa

SO I GUESS THAT MEANS IT’S TIME TO TALK ABOUT FRED AND GEORGE. okay yes so they are two of my fave characters EVER not just in hp but in anything i’ve ever read or watched. they bring me so much laughter and happiness and while reading this series, when i was feeling down and i needed something to get my mind of things, i would read hp. but every single time a line from fred or george came up, it would make me feel SO much joy and i can’t express how much they both helped me and brought light into my life while reading this series. and they’ll always hold a special place in my heart. i’m so thankful for this series because it introduced me to some of the most beautiful characters i’ve ever met. and fred and george are two of them. They showed how much you can give and help in such a horrible situation, just by giving people something to laugh about and that was so so so incredible to read. to see that you don’t have to be super brainy like hermione or strong or brave like ron and harry to be important and a hero. bringing light and laughter in people’s lives during a dark time is just as heroic and meaningful as anything else and i love that fred and george represented that power. (but also they had everything else too sajashjhjas) anyway i really love them. and i remember while reading this book, fred pulled the same joke he did when we first saw him in book one and it made me emotional because we have come so far and he’s still just as warm and joyful as he was 7 years ago. losing him was the worst thing in the whole series, not worst in the sense that it didn’t make sense or anything because it did and i’m glad i could feel soooo much but it was the worst thing by it hurting the worst for me personally and ishjajhashjsa im never gonna get over it. everytime i think about it i cry like i am now dammit sdhjsahjajh SO LETS CHANGE THE SUBJECT

oh my god one of the things that broke my heart early on wasn’t even a death but hermione erasing herself from her parents minds to protect them???? That’s absolutely heartbreaking and sad and i love her so much. she is so clever but also so caring and brilliant and she does whatever she needs to and it’s just fucking hell it was so sad and i just hope it all worked out and she was able to undo it cos i’m really stressing about it i don’t want her to lose her parents :(( and they love her so much like we never got to see them much but i remember in the second book how supportive they were even tho it was so out of their element and scary they were just happy for their daughter and GAH I’M EMOTIONAL anyway i love hermione so much, moving on.

Ron and harry fighting??? MADE ME AGE A THOUSAND YEARS OUT OF STRESS AND PAIN that’s the worst, i hate it. i hate it when they fight. it breaks my heart because you know how much ron means to harry. he’s his number one, he’s his family, his best friend, the first person to ever love him and show him loyalty and love and what it’s like to have a brother who loves you like sahajshhjas IM SORRY ONE OF MY FAVE THINGS IN THIS WHOLE SERIES IS THEIR RELATIONSHIP 100% they mean everything to me. Ron is so insecure because he constantly feels like he’s in harry’s shadow but what he doesn’t realise is that when it comes to harry, everyone else is in his shadow because ron is the most important person to him. i mean don’t get me wrong they love hermione too ashjsahjahj but like ron and harry <3 it’s special they need each other im super asjhhajs im sorry im so passionate about their friendship and chosen family it means so much to me. like i hated it when they fought in goblet of fire and THEN I HAD TO GO THROUGH IT AGAIN??? but the scene where they made up literally made me cry and scream in happiness i love them so much i don’t want them to ever not be in each others lives.

honestly i like ron and hermione! idk if that’s unpopular or what but i feel like they do make sense and their relationship was actually built up based on actual connection and years of developing.....unlike some people who never even talked and then woke up and suddenly were in love for no reason *cough*

TIME TO TALK ABOUT SAD THINGS AGAIN! dobby dying was absolutely horrible that whole chapter was SO DARK and scary and i was actually genuinely frightened for the first time in the series i was so so so scared it was horrible and then dobby came like an angel and saved the day and then he was just....gone??? it was so unfair and so sad and just i hate it so much i can’t comprehend it. he was a free elf! he didn’t deserve this. no one deserved this. that’s what was so tragic about the deaths in this series and it’s what makes everything so real. im so sad god dammit let me find something less sad to talk about again.

HARRY IS THE DESCENDANT OF THE BROTHER WHO CHOSE THE INVISIBILITY CLOAK FROM THE DEATHLY HALLOW STORY!!!! ahhhhh im so happy i love that harry is related to something so cool and ahhhhhhhh it’s honestly so good and exciting how everything came together naturally like that. and CAN WE TALK ABOUT HIS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT?? like how he literally went from saying he would choose the ressurrection stone, to in the end, just leaving it in the middle of the forest? im so proud of him he breaks my heart and i just wanna protect him forever i’ve never loved someone so much like ashjsajhsa i need to stop but seriously, harry is my absolute everything i love this god damn kid help.

speaking of people who love harry.... jhsjhassjjas i really really love draco. like i feel so protective of this kid? i want to know more more more about him and i want to help him and go back in time and keep him away from all that bullshit dark stuff i can’t wait to read all the fics that analyse him because i know he’s actually a genuine good? i feel like he is. his parents let him down and he didn’t have any healthy relationships in his life to help him see another side of things even tho i know and really feel like if he did, things would have been different. he was just a kid and you could see he didn’t want this he hated it, he was so scared and alone and sahjsahjhjsa IM SORRY I LOVE HIM

OKay can i just roast voldemort for a sec by saying, he is TERRIBLE at researching plans before execution and thinking through things like he acted like a silly egotistic child im so. how did the death eaters take him seriously? i don’t understand OKAY YES I KNOW HE HAS SO MUCH POWER but pfft he kept taking snapes credit for killing dumbles. but then it turned out dumbles asked snape to anyway so like sjshjjhsa and harry roasted him with that himself. i love that kid. anyway yeah i can’t wait to make voldemort memes forever this dude is so sjsajasjkajsk i hate him but also enjoy hating him.

Remus and tonks :((( im so sad i love lupin so much it’s not fair but also now teddy is an orphan after a war just like harry and now harry is the godfather to teddy just like sirius was to him :(( im emotional.

MOLLY SLAYED BELLATRIX I LOVE HER “NOT MY DAUGHTER YOU BITCH!” jhsdjhsjhsdj queen

okay okay okay finally i’ll address the thing that MESSED ME UP oh my god sajhhjashjsa so i have been complaining for ageeeees that i want LILY! BACKSTORY! and when i didn’t get it in half blood prince i was devastated sahjsahjjhsa and i figured it was never going to happen and then when i least expected it I GET ACTUAL LILY BACKSTORY CONTENT from the man i have been roasting and hating since book one im sahjshajhjas the irony kills me. anyway lily was just as amazing as i thought she was. i love her so much she’s so beautiful and kind and loyal and compassionate. she’s everything <3 and honestly i was actually able to empathise with snape? their friendship was so pure and sweet and i can’t believe he was her best friend in hogwarts this whole time. it’s really sad how he let himself be drawn to dark magic because she was never going to give up on him. him being drawn to that magic, and calling her a slur was what pushed her away and also brought her closer to james so, thanks for helping harry be born mate ashjjhas idk it’s sad and i empathise with snape now and now i can understand things i couldn’t before. LIKE EVERYTHING MAKES SENSE NOW. it’s like the missing piece has been found and i can see everything with new eyes it’s insane. and i remember seeing something about obsessive love in half blood prince and guessing that it was foreshadowing something and i think this is it. it’s just sad :(( and he actually was on dumbledores side im so sahjsahjhjas this whole thing was such a mindfuck idk what to think. but yeah i do emphasise with snape. do i like him now? no 🙈 sorry BUT i can understand him better and his character intrigues me it’s just really sad but he’s still an adult who bullies children. and daaaamn he hated harry, lucky for us he loved lily more than voldemort tho whoop i’m pretty sure my older sister loves snape tho so maybe i’m being too harsh idk

HARRY WAS A HORCRUX??? i can’t that was epic and such a shock what in the world. i’m so happy how things turned out but holy shit that was insane. yet it made so much sense im so sjjshahjas

oh i love luna ashjahjshjas just gotta say that she’s my everything <3

NEVILLE I LOVE NEVILLE HIM KILLING THE SNAKE WAS ICONIC !!!!! im so so so happy it was him. i love him so much he really showed how much bravery and potential he has i love this kid.

okay so hands down the Kings Cross chapter was one of the best chapters in this whole series. seeing dumbledore finally tell us everything and getting to hear and see his mistakes and flaws and his truth was so so so emotional for me and it felt like final closure. im so dhjahjhja the way it was written!!! just all of it every single bit of it made me feel something and OPEN AT THE CLOSE im asjhhjsahjas ofc im just god the whole thing was sooooo jhsjhasjhas THE FEELINGS im sorry im not at all articulate when it comes to this im just the whole thing played in my head so well and i still have chills just from thinking about it i really don’t want this to end :((

finally the ending, im surprised that harry married ginny (i mean i guess not surprised cos he’s her love interest, maybe just jahsjhsasahj indifferent?) but im happy that we got to see him happy and again i love that he told albus it didn’t matter if he was in slytherin cos slytherins are cool too jsshjahjsa that was so important. ALSO draco!!! they nodded 👀 also shjsahja luna and george weren’t mentione :((

OH MY GOD I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT HOW MUCH NOSTALGIA I GOT IN SNAPES MEMORY WHEN WE SAW JAMES AND SIRIUS FIRST BECOME FRIENDS ON THE TRAIN IT MADE ME THINK OF THE FIRST BOOK IM EMOTIONAL

Now i just want to say i genuinely love harry so so so much. he’s sassy and brave and selfless and caring and he has so much anger and frustration but that never stops him from doing what he can to help people and it just :(( he deserved a happy, free and loving childhood. i love this boy with all my heart and i always will im so thankful i finally let myself actually read his story.

This series brought me so much laughter, wonder, tears, pain and magic. i’m so so so happy i finally read it sahjsajh despite avoiding and judging it my whole life lmao i was so wrong about it and this series has made me fall deeply in love with every single character and now im obsessed shjashjhjas LIKE I LITERALLY CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT i can’t im so asjhashj

im actually obsessed with harry potter i didn’t think this would ever happen to me. thank you for taking this journey with me angels 💖

anyway now i got 8(?) movies to watch for the first time sahjashashj stay tuned 💖

#Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows #mikki reads hp for the first time #book review #hp #i plan on making recap/reviews for the movies as i watch them so ashjsajhsaj stay tuned for that nonsense #i'm like a cockroach #it never ends with me sahjahsjhasj

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mad-queen-thorn · 5 years

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Massive vent under the cut, its been a week and a half and I can’t seem to dwell on this any longer. Venting again only because I have very little followers and 90% of them are good friends I hang with regularly, so I feel safe spilling out my feelings here, don’t want to burden anyone with my thoughts and feelings, reading is optional.

I didn’t mention this here, because I didn’t feel the need to.

When it comes to my Diabetes I’m almost in remission, its a good thing, and by June I might be off the meds and officially into remission. Which is looking promising, but knowing my luck, I beat one thing and two more take their place. Its like taking 3 steps forward and 2 steps back.

And well, its 3 things this time, I’m now on blood pressure meds for hypertension, only weak ones, so its not that bad. Docs think it might be the pressure I’m putting on my body with the lifestyle changes, but when I lose more weight it should go back to normal. Other than that they want to check out my kidneys as they said there’s a lot of protein in there. They’ve pushed back one of my tests which is causing me worry. But it was merely because the equipment they wanted to give me hasn’t arrived yet. So maybe I’m worrying over nothing.

Anyway, this isn’t the major thing I keep bottling up.

Along with my Type 2 Meds and my Blood pressure meds, I take Fluoxetine, which I’ve been on since late 2015. For anxiety and depression. So with all the appointments I’ve been having the past few months they’ve also been keeping track of my mental health, and now the docs think it might be more than just my Anxiety and Depression.

They think I’m Autistic. In fact, I’ve been told that its highly likely I am after them talking to me, a family member and a friend who has autistic children herself, talked together in the docs room about my past, my behaviours and such and how our friend sees a lot of traits in me, and the doc said “You’re most likely right.”.

We sent off a referral form with a tonne of information about myself, my hyper fixations, behaviours, stimming, social interaction and more.

I’m officially under investigation for Autism.

I’ve been trying to process the information for almost 2 weeks now, barely telling a soul about it. But with the information I’ve been given, the more I think about it, the more of my life is making sense:

When I was younger, I had a hard time making friends and I still do. I thought it was because I was ugly, weird and because of my overbite that it drove people away. That it was my fault entirely for not being good enough, like bullies made be believe.

Turns out, that making friends can be hard of Autistic people because of their differences in communication.

Which at the end of day... explains a lot.

I’ve noticed that in large groups, I’m very quiet, both in person and online. I don’t speak unless I feel its needed to, and I try to not speak over people and often find myself doing so. I really don’t mean to. I just find it really hard to understand when there’s a good window for me to chirp in without seeming rude. Other times I’ll wait and wait and then when its time for a moment for me to voice the conversation has most likely moved on, which isn’t a bad thing. It just seems like I don’t have a good grasp of social cues.

My black and white thinking also seems to impact my social interaction. As in the past I’ve just assumed and read situations wrong. Sometimes accidentally upset friends on multiple occasions without meaning. As sometimes my mind is just:

“It has to be 1 or 2″ And nothing like a 3rd option comes to mind until its pointed out or I’ve made my mistake and beat myself up for it. Thinking I was being selfish and horrible. But now I guess that this explains those moments. They happen a lot, but not in bad ways. Like I said, sometimes its either one or the other, and I fail to see alternative options unless stated.

Like, the other day I was with my friend who has autistic children, we play Pokemon Go together. And we had a debate about the design of Attack and Normal Deoxys:

(The top Two)

She said that they are a different colour, yet I said they are the same colour. Yet she said they’re different. Now, my brain didn’t connect the dots and that she meant that parts of their body are different colour but they both have the same colour scheme. It took me a few moments to actually get what she meant... so??? I guess??

I tend to have little moments in communication like that.

Also, when some of my family make a joke, most of the time I don’t laugh. My sense of humour tends to be niche and connected to my hyper fixations and spur of the moment puns. Or I’ll make a joke to my family or a friend and they don’t get it, and I have to explain and they still don’t find it funny. I seem to have stronger connections to people who are into the same things I am. Something for me to build a conversation off of or I’ll fail to maintain a conversation.

I thought this was just normal?? But at the same time it might not be...

Idk I have so many questions. There has been many things I’ve questioned about myself.

Like the need for a second opinion on situations others would see as common sense. Sometimes I go to someone I trust, explain a situation only to be told my feelings are valid and why I’m even questioning them.

I dunno, it feels good that there might be a possibility behind how I communicate.

While explaining to me, the doc said: “Your brain seems wired different, and you see the world differently from everyone else. People need to understand that.”

And I... like I said, I don’t know.

I mean, the following seems to also be signs:

In person I find it hard to make eye contact.

I like to be left alone sometimes.

I can’t be alone for long periods of time as I get stressed and it pulls down my whole mood.

I find it hard to take part in group conversations over voice. Text is fine.

My body language and tone can be completely different to what I actually mean. I’ve gotten in trouble with this, but the person who was mad at me didn’t understand.

I don’t pick up on body language.

But I’ll be observant on everything else. I tend to spot most things others don’t notice. I’ve had this in person many times and people tend to compliment me with “Wow you’re so observant!”, “You have good eyes!”.

Lack of excitement, this happened today. We got new carpets in and my mother was overjoyed, but I never felt a thing. I felt like I should be happy too but I couldn’t. I am capable of being happy for other people, but yet again, it has to be connected to a hyper fixation or someone I trust/care about.

Relationship with my parents isn’t great, probably due to my communication issues.

I only express myself to people I deem I’m close to, other than that I seem very disconnected. I’ve heard people say that I seem to be in my “own little world” on more than one occasion.

Selective Mute or nonverbal. Sometimes I just can’t speak or come up with what to say and remain silent.

Picky with food. For example, if someone puts beans on my plate, I simply can’t eat around them. I’ll dismiss the entire plate and feel bad about it. Cuz my mind tends to think the whole thing is “contaminated” by the beans and I can’t eat it.

In person I can tend to point instead of using words sometimes.

I’m not a touchy person, especially with my family. But if you’re someone I trust, I’ll probably cuddle you to death. Really selective of who I let close to me.

Nobody can touch my hair but me. Nobody can brush it but me. If I let you brush it, its a blessing.

Always listening to music while doing things like drawing/walking ect.

Questioning my place in social situations and how others think. I have a habit of putting myself below everyone else. The idea of other people thinking of me or thinking positively of me next to never crosses my mind, the whole thing seems foreign to me.

Another major pointer to it is my stimming.

Now, I’ve stimmed for many years now and felt BAD about it. Because I felt like I didn’t deserve the stim toys I have. But now everything is starting to make sense. Even though my stimming does piss some family members off, I try to not do it around them and simply can’t. Sometimes I start stimming without even noticing. The most common being my legs, I will bounce them. All the time. If my hands are busy its my legs, if my legs aren’t moving, I need something in my hands and I have quite a few stim toys. From fidget cubes to squishy pokeballs. I have a habit of making them click or rolling the ball in my hands between rounds on videogames or when watching youtube videos. I also tend to lean towards glitter shakers. Love those things. I tend to mute my mic a lot during voice calls as I get paranoid people can hear me stimming. Because I feel like the bump bump of my foot on the floor or the clicking of my fidget cube will annoy people.

Not adjusting well to change and being in social situations with a lot of people are another two signs. For example, yesterday I was in the kitchen with all the furniture while the carpets had been getting put down, there was limited space to move, I had nothing to stim with and didn’t like it. I felt bad for being annoyed. I wanted to go to my room but couldn’t. I wanted to move around.

When it comes to social situations, I can go to heavy populated situations like conventions but not for long. I start getting overwhelmed and feeling sick. I enjoy it as much as I can but I can only take so much.

Same with social interaction. I can only take so much.

Once I get overstimulated I can get moody and my temper shortens, but I usually isolate myself by the time it comes to that point.

I blamed all my social woes on my Anxiety but at this point it might not be my anxiety. It might be Autism.

But one final thing that also points to it:

Hyperfixations

I currently have two massive fixations.

Pokémon which is one I've had all my life

And Guild Wars 2 which has been a fixation since 2017

But within them I have specific things I fixate on. Which I guess are sub fixations?

For example, in Pokémon. I love the lore, certain legendaries and I absolutely adore cat Pokémon. Every time there is a new Pokémon game out I almost cry in excitement. My bedroom is covered in Pokémon stuff with a few other fandoms scattered in there but it's 90% Pokémon.

Pokémon shirts, Pokémon bedding. Pokémon posters, Pokémon bags, Pokémon plushies, keyrings.

Whenever I get something my family tend to go "Ugh. Not more Pokémon"

And Guild Wars 2 is pretty self explanatory.

I love Aurene, Tybalt and most of the main characters and lore.

I have the Rytlock figure and art and the OST discs ext. Books of lore and stories.

But 90% of my fixation is on the Thorns.

Thorn Pyjamas, Thorn bags, Thorn plush. Anything I can get my grubby little hands on...

Go figure!

I also try to not express myself too much as in the past I've had people try to force me out of hyperfixations because I was too "annoying".

I feel like I talk about my two major fixes too much. So I try to curb down on it to not drive people away...?

I wish I knew the results as I have so many questions.

They said they think it's very likely I'm autistic.

I don't want to write myself off and say "Yeah, I'm Autistic."

Because there's that chance I'm not. But so many people who know me in person think I am. And I've been asked many times over the years and never had a second thought about it.

And like I said, the docs said I most likely am.

I'm just waiting for an assessment and the result which I got told could take months to years.

I just want answers so I know how to make life is easier for me.

I want answers so I can just be myself without fear because I keep holding myself back thinking I'm weird or a bad person or bad at communication.

I always notice my social flaws and say they're "habits I need to kick"

But maybe they're not. Maybe it's just how I am.

I want to know.

I need to know...

I just want answers...

#just a vent post #need to vent

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deeeelightfuldee · 2 years

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Do you tend to eat more on Halloween, Thanksgiving, or Christmas? halloween doesn’t end up being any additional food for me whatsoever. Christmas we seldom actually plan a full meal for the day of (which i know is wild). Thanksgiving we plan to have all sorts of food but I will spend so much time prepping that by the time food comes, i NEVER get to eat a full plate. so I guess maybe Christmas?

Do you think you have a sad life? no. I think i’ve sad some challenging things and I think if I choose to pinpoint the negatives, I’ll find them. But I have a lot to be grateful for and a lot to look forward to and my story is not finished yet.

What’s one award show you have to watch every year? literally none.

How often do you go shopping just for fun? gosh I would love to be able to buy something for fun. I have so many new expenses now that i’m on my own from K.. i seriously need like 2 jobs in order to make this work. lol. I have a gc from christmas for $50 and i’m hyperventilating over all the things I wanna get and trying to figure out which one I want the most.

Who do you like more: the Batman or the Joker? I really didn’t become obsessed with the series.

What’s your favorite Panic! at the Disco album? idk

Do you like bacon? yes but only if its not burnt.

Do you have an annoying dog? i dont have a dog rn. I seriously am so behind on processing my trauma over the last 2 years that if i even stop to think about miller for more than 30 seconds i will break down into a HORRIBLE sob.

As a kid did you like Barney, Baby Bop, or DJ more? hmm i think barney

What flags do you have in your room, if any? I have a collegiate flag from my alma mater. I was planning on taking it down haha

Do you wash your car by hand or drive through a car wash? drive thru. our water line is bust for the driveway.

What is your favorite party game? psh switch or rummycub or cards or anything really.

What was the last thing you bought from a vending machine? uhhhhhhh man it has been a while since ive been by a vending machine

Have you ever sent a postcard? Where from? yes. many a time.

What color hair did your first crush have? he had like a sandy blonde hairstyle when I first knew him but as he got older it turned into a brown.

Have you ever visited your nation’s capitol building? no.

What is your favorite park? one out here that makes me feel at home.

What sports teams do you root for, if any? (Extra points for Boston fans.) bears. cubs. so many college teams.

Do you dunk your cookies in milk? sometimes but there aren’t many GF cookies.

What is something you are confident about? i am confident i have a lot to offer. I have a good personality. I can be funny. I am confident in my academic skills. I’m confident in my cleaning/organizing. I’m confident in my smack talk & sass.

Do you prefer loose or form-fitting clothing? I tend to wear loose but its crazy I wear form fitting tshirts to bed often and i caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror the other night and was like wow, i actually look a lot smaller with the form fitting.

^ What about on the opposite sex? i like things to be well fit or ever so slightly larger. but i don’t like tight and i dont like huge/oversized.

What do you do when you are really, really mad? I go on a drive.

Do you put a line through your "7"s? usually yes just to make sure it is distinct from a 1

^ What about your "Z"s? sometimes if i feel spicy

What is one thing that someone could do to you that is unforgivable? forgiveness is a really complex thing. I think something I would not tolerate is being inappropriately touched. like, buh bye.

Do you like broccoli and cheese? absolutely.

What about potatoes and cheese? absolutely.

Toaster or toaster oven? Toaster oven is my preferred but we don’t have one any more. or an oven for that matter.

What are you most known for? depends on who you ask.

Do you have any reputations? What are they? so like my HS group my reputation was like.. the untouchable. which is funny. I refused dates all the time. I didn’t pay any mind to romance. I was really fixated on studies, church, and safety. At work my reputation was that of an obsessive organizer/cleaner. very neat. very merchandiser-friendly. in my family I’m known as the funny, positive, non-confrontational one. the one the kids hangout with. the one everyone vents to. with my friends I am the support system. the hype squad. the one you vent to. the one down to down anything and nothing.

Do you wear band shirts? i would for some bands but I just dont have the money to buy them.

What was the last thing to leave you speechless? a conversation with K tonight.

Have you been called a bad influence? uhhh jokingly yes.

Have any self-done piercings? yikes no

Ever pierced someone else? I could never do that.

What was the first television show you were obsessed with? recess i think

Do you and your friends normally say you love one another? yes. especially after alix almost died it really amped up our desire to vocalize to one another that we love each other.

Do you have a lot of trees around your house? What about buildings? we have loads of trees here.

Is there anyone out there who has hurt you so much, you wish they’d die? wowsa no. i dont have that in me. honestly i think even with my assault or the stuff with my dad.. i still dont harbor that sort of anger.

What would you do if the last person you kissed said they hated you? that would be very surprising as he is quite affectionate towards me. I’d probably inquire why.

Whose name might you have tattooed on your body? none

Who might you send a selfie to? Z, uhhhhh maybe Sam or Sawyer or Charlie. but mainly just Z.

What part of your body typically has an ache? this lupus is really raging on my joints. rn its my left shoulder, left knee, both ankles, right wrist. sometimes both elbows.

Who would you call first after getting engaged to tell them the news? oh man. mom liza karla and em.

Have you ever hung out in a cemetery after dark? yes. we have a cemetary that is supposedly haunted by my house.. like 10 mins away and my sister and her bf when i was way younger, wanted to go there when it was nighttime on halloween so we did.

Is your mother a Christian? Yes

How often do you use hairspray? maybe like once a week

Ever had a friend online for a long time without seeing a photo of them? uhhhhhhhhhh probably but none that come to mind.

Have you ever been kicked out of a public place? Why? uhhhhhhhhh not that comes to mind

What do you dislike about the house you live in? I would be SO thrilled if i had my own bathroom.

Do you check the weather forecast regularly? yes. its going to snow all day tomorrow.

Do you live on a main road? yes

Do you own a pair of sunglasses? How often do you wear them? yes. never.

Have you ever made yourself as a Sim? heck yea

What did you last pack a bag for? uhhhhhhhhh hanging out at ems for a while

Do you watch TV while you eat? yes often we do. mom cannot handle listening to grandmas eating (she refuses to use adhesive with her dentures and it is ... very noisy) so we typically put on some show so it can drown out the noise.

Do you know anyone whose gender is non-binary? some people i went to school with.

What was the last thing in your house that broke and had to be fixed? the fridge situation. it had to be replaced entirely.

Do you prefer candles or incense? candles.

What's something you do even though you know it's bad for you? eat dairy without a dairy pill

Do you pay attention to the news? nooooooooope. i avoid it and i am in bliss because of it. no regrets.

Do you have a vlog? no.

If not, have you ever considered starting a vlog? i mean it’d be cool to have a private one as a diary for me to look back on.

Did you go to AM or PM kindergarten? i was homeschooled. it was all day long lol

Have you ever watched a live birth video? i mean ive seen several live births in the flesh.

Have you ever given birth? No

Is your mom mentally stable? shes been fighting depression this past year.

What’s your favorite type of crackers? goshhhhhhhhhh i miss triscuits so bad.

What was the name of your first crush? Chris

Do you take medication for anxiety or depression? no

If so, does it work? Does it help you? Or does it make you feel worse? -

Who is your favorite cousin? michelle

What’s your favorite flavor of frosting? literally any. I LOVE frosting.

Do you like toe socks? no it kinda creeps me out.

Who was your best friend in high school? em, nathan, jon, jake. those were my closest peeps at the time.

Does anyone know who your first crush was besides you? i mean probably. everyone liked him but he was really into me. it was a super sweet story.

How many teachers have you had crushes on? uhhhhhhhh 2.5 professors that i was like mmmyes.

How old were you when you had your first kiss? 16th birthday

Do you have cellulite? yahhhhhhhh man. who doesnt.

What was the name of the first pet that you loved? millie.

Did you have your own room as a child? gosh no. not until i was like 17?

What color was your nursery? It was whatever color my sister wanted at the time. I think it was pink first.

Did your parents know your gender before you were born? uhhhhhhhh i dont think so because mom was going to name me Casey if i were a boy.

Do you have a healthy BMI? nope. but its also a crap measurement so im not as bothered.

Do you share a birthday with anyone in your family? nope

What photo editing software do you use? ill use filters for coloring on lightroom

Do you plan to move any time soon? kind of yes. it keeps coming up

Would you rather have pink or green hair? pink i liked when i had pink.

What’s more important to you: books or music? books.

Do you like the name Natasha? Its fine. i wouldn’t name my baby it but i dont mind it

Have you ever been so mad at someone you hurt them? i am sure i have. even tonight, K said what I was saying to him made him feel life had no value --- which is frustrating because i was only stating our situation. but I guess if I could have just not spoken to him, i would not have hurt him -- even if it was unintentionally.

Are any of your relatives pregnant? my sister! growing another nephew. :)

What colour is your favourite bra? soft pink.

What kind of bread did you eat most recently? i havent had bread in over a year.

In the last book you read, what was the main character’s name? i dont recall. rebecca i think

What was the last song you heard, that meant something to you? somewhere with you has been a little hard for me to listen to

Did you start listening to more Michael Jackson after his death? no, i had a real big obsession in the 90s and early 00s before his death

When was the last time that you played hide and seek? lol this summer with my nephew

Do you worry about money? every day. im so sick of worrying about money.

Have you ever had to beg for a second chance? Yes. its so weird because ive never begged for a second chance from someone because ive hurt them. ive begged for a second chance when theyve decided to move on. which is pretty pathetic.

What’d you last look up on YouTube? that clip that goes “what’re thoooooooooooose? they’re, um, they’re my sandals.”

Have either of your parents shown affection for you today? i have no earthly idea when my dad has shown me affection. mom did today.

What was the last thing that you bought that someone else benefited from? this like nightstand shelf thing for remotes. i got a 2pk so i could give one to mom

What song reminds you of your best friend? somewhere with you by kenny chesney

Who was the last person to hit on you? Z like 30 seconds ago

What’s on the paper nearest you? its the note from my flowers from K that says “to my forever love” i brought it up here to put in my K box. I also took some flowers out and am drying them out though idk how to gently save those.

Would you ever get a tattoo sleeve? no, i dont think so.

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animalcrossingtownlore · 6 years

Text

How The Ultra Beasts Would React To Having A Pokemon Trainer For The First Time

oh wow, good job moonie. The first headcanon you did was a very weird one. just great mate. oh well. the ultra beasts are like my children anyway and i love them all very much i dont care if they could destroy the whole world they are pure.

Nihilego:

- Nihilego is this weird glass jellyfish that lusamine got obsessed with and eventually fused with. who wouldn’t want a glass jellyfish on their pokemon team. (motherbeast lusamine is one of the most badass things i’ve seen in a Pokemon game tbh)

- anyway! Nihilego’s literal code name is Symbiont! i could totally see Nihilego trying to forcefully fuse with it’s Trainer for a while. all Nihilego really see in humans is that they are vessels they can use to make themselves stronger.

- “gIVE ME YOUR BODY SO I CAN KILL EVERYTHING JRRR-RRRR-BRRR VENOMENONON BITCH”

- it’s tempting, but don’t let Nihilego use you. it probably hurts like hell when you finally unfuse with it

- After a few months of attempting to fuse, Nihilego will finally realize it’s Trainer will NOT fuse with it. since the Trainer has no more purpose to Nihilego, it will then try to run away and find another human to take over.

- Nihilego are actually really good at running away and hiding though so you may have to go on a huge witchhunt with all of Alola helping you just to find that one Nihilego

- it’s grumpy once you find it

- it’ll basically be super uncooperative for a long time. but if you’re super nice to it and act like it’s mother (in one of it’s pokedex entries, it says Nihilego can be seen acting like a young girl, and we all know the similarities it has to a certain person) it’ll eventually see you as a friend and it’ll fight with you.

-just DON’T FUSE WITH IT. SAY NO TO NIHILEGO LIKE YOU WOULD SAY NO TO DRUGS. IT’S AN EVIL LITTLE BITCH ON THE INSIDE

Buzzwole:

- mmm buff cockroach we love dat ;)

- ..but buff cockroach senpai dont love u back D:

- seriously. this guy is not happy with you at first. Buzzwole will probably try to punch you and everything around it. you’ll have to battle it for a long while until it calms down

- psst go for it’s legs if you knock it down it’s like a turtle it can’t get back up again

- if you beat it in a battle it’ll respect you though. if you show it all the battles you’ve been in, Buzzwole will probs start flexing for you to show you how strong it is.

- mission complete: buff cockroach senpai loves u back ;)

Pheromosa:

- Pheromosa is actually pretty chill. It doesn’t care if it has a Pokemon Trainer or not.

- but it sooo cute though... look at dem legs boi ;) Pheromosa gonna make your hormones crazy if you catch my drift

- you may want to touch it...

- BUT BITCH DON’T

- Pheromosa will go fucking ballistic if anything comes within 5-foot radius with them.

- It’s better to just let it do it’s thing.

Xurkitree:

- “Who??? The fuck??? ARE YOU?!?!?!” is Xurkitree’s first reaction.

- it’s gonna start running around and freaking out. it’s almost impossible to calm it down.

- you would have to distract Xurkitree somehow... maybe you should put on some funky music and start dancing?

- oh yeah, do that. Xurkitree will probably be really happy and will start wiggling with you.

- It’s honestly not that hard to train. it’s more or less like a super hyper-active child. just distract it and it’ll be your friend.

- oh, but don’t forget to make sure it has electricity! because if it doesn’t it gets annoyed and dangerous, so be careful.

Celesteela:

- Celesteela is a little sweetie in my opinion. It’d probably be one of the more nice UBs.

- Like, it probably wouldn’t try to purposely kill anyone. Not unless you made it angry, but there’s not many ways to do that.

- However, it does get confused and scared easily. If it’s scared, it’ll start forest fires and fires in general with it’s two huge arms.

- Celesteela is a gentle giant that means no harm, and it’s easy to train. But keep this in mind...

- what are you gonna do whenever you’re moving it around Alola? what will you do when trying to make sure it has enough space battle? what will you do if it starts a fire and YOU have to pay for the damage?

- it’ll cause a lot damage, honestly. you would want to have a pretty thick wallet to pay for everything it accidently does.

Kartana:

- “um, EXCUSE ME? I’M SUPPOSED TO BE AN INDEPENDENT NINJA IN ORIGAMI FORM I DON’T NEED A LOWLY HUMAN TELLING ME WHAT TO DO-”

- Kartana is awesome as frick, in my opinion. It’s a great idea for a Pokemon. but it’s also probably one of those stereotypical strong but silent ninjas that only take orders from themselves.

- like Buzzwole, it’ll get angry and will attack things. well, more like it’ll attack YOU. it’ll most likely start messing with you, and may even give you some deep paper cuts that would hurt a lot if you got hand sanitizer in them.

- honestly? i just can’t see Kartana ever being able to be domesticated. it’ll probably just be stubborn and uncooperative forever....

Guzzlord:

- uhh

- are you sure you would even want this Pokemon with you? Do you know just HOW destructive it is? Do you know how much it eats? Do you know that it’s probably never satisfied?

- DO YOU KNOW HOW IN POKEMON ULTRA SUN/MOON IT COMES FROM ULTRA RUINS WHERE IT LITERALLY DESTROYED EVERYTHING?!

- Bruh, this is NOT your best idea. Trying to domesticate Guzzlord is horrible.

- I mean... If you feed it a little, it may like you more... But after you feed it, it’s like a racoon or a cat. It’ll follow you everywhere you go, but this time Guzzlord will get violent if you don’t feed it constantly.

- Even if you feed it all the time, it probably won’t even fight with you! It would be a horrible Pokemon Companion! You might want to try some other Ultra Beast, buddy...

Poipole:

- actually, doesnt it say in it’s Pokedex entry that Poipole was chosen to be one of the first Pokemon Partners in it’s own world? Doesn't it say that in Ultra Sun? i can’t remember, though...

- so yeah, since Poipole has already been domesticated, it wouldn’t be hard to train it!

- it is super mischievous, though... It might try to play a few pranks on you, so keep an eye out.

Naganadel:

- tbh it’s the exact same case as Poipole. it’s already domesticated, but it does like to play pranks.

- It’s okay to touch Naganadel... but like Pheromosa, if you touch it’s stingers, IT WILL HURT YOU. BADLY. (wait, isn’t this already canon? idk i’m tired)

Stakataka: (Fun fact: Stakataka’s name is Japanese is Tsundetsunde. I’m sorry- But it sounds like Tsundere and I can’t help but laugh at that-

- Stakataka is a wall. That’s all it really is. A WALL. There’s not much of it personality for it.

- Yeah, I guess you could train it. Don’t expect it to care about you or save you. You won’t get emotional support from it

-IT’S SERIOUSLY A WALL WHAT DID YOU EXPECT

Blacephalon:

- Obviously, the first thing it does is that is makes it head explode. It does it on purpose, too. It seriously wants to kill you.

- Oh my god, how hilarious would it be if Blacephalon was actually the most blood-thirsty Ultra Beast? I’d believe to be true, though. Have you ever seen a clown movie in your life?

- It won’t stop trying to kill you until you give it something like a Rainbow Bean to eat. (Wait, can Blacephalon even eat?) It also likes it if you dance with it, or juggle something, or if you give it flowers.

- Once you make it your friend, you’ll probably become pretty close with it. Blacephalon would hate strangers but it love their friends. <3

I’m sorry i know this was long but whatever most of my posts will be like that

#pokemon headcanons #pokemon #alola region #ultra beasts #pokemon sun #pokemon moon

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makknays · 7 years

Text

forbidden love.

requested by wjishing-jimin

hiii,,,can i request supernatural au! with jimin?Jimin as a ghost and y/n as a human but they end up falling in love?

genre: ghost!jimin / fluff /angst??? i never rlly know

word count: 2472

a/n: i lied I'm posting today :) also idk how i feel about this, i changed what i perceive as a ghost that he's pretty much just a shapeshifter in this but oh well(?) i hope y'all lovelies still enjoy this <3

It was my first time being here in Seoul, I transferred here to study, as well as gain cultural knowledge on South Korea. After moving out from the dorms in my first year here, I had to find somewhere to live that wouldn't cost too much but was still nice to be in. Finally I settled with a small flats on the outskirts of Seoul. For the first couple months in my new apartment I kept hearing sounds and the whole place seemed somewhat shady, but I kept thinking: maybe it was just the neighbourhood. But an incident occurred that made me change my mind.

"Hello? Who's there?" I called, with a frying pan in my hand, I thought there was an attacker in the flat. "Hello?" I called, louder this time. "Okay, I can hear you you know, so just come out.", I walked closer towards the noise but no one was there, all I saw was a silhouette but no person.

"I'm sorry." a voice called but nobody was attached to it. "Who are you? And where are you?" I asked the voice the owner of the voice. "I'm Jimin, I'm around the corner. I'm sorry I scared you, it’s just this was my home and I don't have any more, I don't have much anymore.” he replied. Slowly, I made my way round the corner, increasing my grip on the frying pan, but to my dismay there was no one there. I looked all around me, I felt someone's presence but I couldn't see anyone. "I'm here." I walked closer towards the voice and saw him.

"You're not alive, are you? Is that why I can't see you very well?” "You got me there, I lived in this place while I was alive but I ended up in it accident that cost me my life, now here I am, haunting this very place, the first place I called my own home. I didn't expect them to just rent out to another person, but I'm glad the party was as beautiful as you.” he smiled as stood in front of me. "If it's not too much, can I ask you what accident you were in?" "Do you remember hearing about that crash on the motorway that involved five different cars and a van? Well, I was caught up in that and didn't make it out alive." "Wow, I'm sorry. That's horrible, but if I'm honest with you, I don't really believe in ghosts." "Well you don't have to believe in me, but I'm here and as real as you are.”

As the days passed, Jimin and I coexisted with one another, having a conversation every now and again. Today another conversation was due, it was dinnertime, so I sat at the table with my dinner and waited for him. “What's the hold up?” Jimin asked as he appeared in front of me. “I was waiting for you.” I told him. “Why? You know I don't have to eat to survive, right?” he chuckled. “Yeah, but I wanted someone to talk to.” “Aww, did you miss me?” he laughed as he ‘sat’ down on the chair opposite me. “Don't flatter yourself, also how the fuck can you touch objects but not humans or animals?” “Don't ask me, I didn't make the rules.” “Ugh, you're so annoying.” “Why? Don't get annoyed at me cuz you lack human contact! I can't do much about that!” he laughed as he brushed his hand through his hair that seemed like it would have been soft and silky when he was alive.

“You don't have to rub it on, you know.” I poured as I ate my dinner. “I'm sorry, why don't you go on a date then? Since you didn't deny it.” “I don't feel like it, no one’s nice enough.” I told him. “Well, what kind of guy do you like?” he asked me, as if he could do something about it. “Someone who cares, like actually, and doesn't just want sex or some stupid thing from me. Someone not too bad looking but not so amazing that he has new girls everyday. I guess, someone who just gets me, but there's no one like that.” “Maybe, you're looking at the wrong guys.”

2am. I had a lecture in 5 hours but I couldn't put my mind to sleep. There were just too many thoughts circling my brain. Why was it that I couldn't find someone for me? Why was it that no one seemed to get me? Was I really looking in the wrong place? What did Jimin mean?

“Something keeping you up?” “You can't just appear like that and scare me!” I said, clutching my chest from the shock of his appearance. “Sorry, what are you thinking about though?” “How lonely I am, how I can't keep a man, if I really am looking at the wrong guys. I guess, just, stuff.” I told him, as I sat up to lean against the headboard. “Well, don't beat yourself up over it. It doesn't matter if you find him or not, I'll keep you company for the time being, you won't need to feel so lonely then.” he smiled as he sat down beside me.

He turned to look at me and pulled me into an embrace, which shocked me. “I thought you couldn't touch me!” “I lied, oops.” “But how? There's so many questions, this makes no sense. How does this physically work?” I continuously asked. “Who cares about physics, I’ll be here for you no matter what and if you ever need me, I'll be around the corner, literally.” he said, smirking at me when he pulled away from the hug. “You're gross, have you ever watched me change or even worse, shower?” “I'm flirty, not a perv.” he chuckled as he lifted himself from the bed. “Good night.” he smiled as he closed the door behind him and all trace of him disappeared.

I was out running errands, very much leading my mundane life; I needed to grab some things from the supermarket before I could finally return home. I was minding my own business in the fruit and veg section when old ‘friend’ approached me. “___, hey! What are you doing in South Korea?” she asked me as she grabbed some spring onions. “I study here.” I bluntly replied and moved on in order to look at the strawberries. “You can’t still be annoyed at me about taking Sam from you, right? We’re not even together anymore.” “No, why on Earth would I still be annoyed about that?” I sarcastically remarked before Jimin reappeared. “You’ve got to stop randomly appearing!” I whisper shouted. “Sorry, it just seemed like you were having trouble, I can sort this out!” Jimin smirked. “You’re not human though?” “Leave this to me, trust me on this one.” he chuckled before disappearing again. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at what this boy could possibly be up to.

“Hey, what’s your name?” a familiar voice loudly asked, I turned to view the commotion and saw none other than Sam but he had Jimin’s voice, oh God, no, please tell me this was a dream. “Sam, what are you doing here? Why don’t you remember my name?” “Sorry, sweetcheeks, I never really cared to get it in the first place.” he chuckled as he walked towards her. “We were in a one year relationship and you don’t remember my name?” she screamed, tears clearly forming. This was cruel but also payback that she deserved. “C’mon, that can’t be a dealbreaker, I cheated on you so many times and you’re not making a fuss over that!” “You cheated on me?” “Stephany! Stella! Susan?” “Get away from me!” she cried as she ran out of the store.

“That was cruel, Jimin. But definitely a good show.” I muttered as I walked towards the empty cereal aisle. “I know, right? Aren’t I great?” “Why though? Why did you do that?” I asked him as I grabbed my favourite cereal. “I have my reasons, you’ll see one day.” he chuckled before ruffling my hair and disappearing once again. “Such a cruel guy.” “I’m still here.” “Oh my God, fuck off!” I almost screamed. “Cutie.”

“You’re seriously going on a date with some smartass from your class?” Jimin asked, disapproving of the date. “Yeah, is there a problem with that?” I laughed as I smoothed out my dress. “No, not at all. Just that he has the shitiest of personalities on Earth!” “Stop being dramatic!” “He just wants to get into your pants though.” he whined as he shifted into my date and made fun of him. “Wouldn’t you wanna if you were alive?” I joked. “Dude, I literally can, as long as you consent, I can touch you, remember? I can do anything a human can, just can’t die…” “Besides the point, Jimin, I have a date. Do I look good?” “No.” “I’ll take that as a yes; I’ll be seeing you later.” I smiled as I left the flat and entered my date’s car.

“___, I’m glad you could come on this date with me, I’ve really wanted to take you out for a while now.” he smiled as we made our way towards the restaurant. “I’m really grateful, Joohyuk.” I told him as I focused on the road. He placed his right hand on my thigh and turned his head to briefly look at me, I took his hand in mine and exchanged a smile. The chemistry between us was amazing, but I was definitely jumping to conclusion.

When we arrived at the restaurant, Joohyuk was more than a gentleman, but soon came off as sexist and snobbish. “I told you he was annoying.” a voice whispered when Joohyuk excused himself to use the toilet. “He just wants to get into your pants.” “How do you know that?” I asked, not wanting to lose the argument despite knowing Jimin was right. “He’s calling his mate right now and talking about what he’s going to do to you later tonight.” “I hate you.” I muttered but Joohyuk had reappeared when I muttered that.

“You hate me?” he chuckled. “Sorry, my roommate is being kinda annoying.” “Roommate?” Jimin muttered. “I was unaware that you had a roommate, tell me more about her.” “She is a he, and he’s just being clingy tonight because he’s ill. I think I’ll have to go back home to take care of him soon.” “Really? Are you sure you have to take care of him? I mean isn’t he a grown man?” Joohyuk asked me. “He’s caught something really bad, he’s been throwing up and he’s really unwell; I actually reluctantly left today.” “But do you have to take care of him?” “He could die and you’re asking if I really have to take care of him?” “Sorry, I wanted to get some tonight! I really thought you’d let me get into your pants!” “You’re just like the rest of them.”

When I left the restaurant I was greeted by Jimin as alive Jimin. “You know, you should morph into your actual self more often. You were cute and better than that jerk in there, who is glaring at us and we best run.” I laughed as I started sprinting down the street in heels. “Lemme grab those heels, wear my shoes.” “Why do you even have shoes?” “Physical form, remember? You literally just complimented me on it.” “Oh shit yeah.” I laughed as we exchanged shoes. “Wow, your roommate is so sick! You could’ve just said you weren’t down for me, you know?” Joohyuk called from behind as he made an effort to catch up with the two of us. “Take my hand.” Jimin laughed and continued to run in the direction of home with me.

“I wonder if he’ll ever forgive me.” I laughed as I changed into my pajamas. “Does it matter if he doesn’t?” Jimin chuckled. “Human you is nice.” “I am always human me and I’m always nice, ___.” “Ok sorry, alive you. And you aren’t nice when you’re jealous. Do you perhaps like me?” I joked as I pretended to gasp. “What would you do if I did?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow. “Well, not much, but there would be many consequences since you’re not actually alive.” “What do you mean consequences? I asked what you would do if I liked you not if we were together!” Jimin pointed out, bursting into laughter but I could share his laughter. What would actually occur if the two of us fell in love? We were already halfway there with these stupid emotions that developed inside of me. The date? That was to get Jimin off my mind but it only brought us closer.

I was walking through a local park, trying to clear my mind of the many thoughts that were racing throughout it but nothing helped. Not the freshly polluted air of Seoul, not the birds chirping at 6am, nothing. “What’s on your mind, sweetie?” Jimin asked, moving closer to hug me from behind. “Stuff.” “Stuff?” “Stuff.” “What stuff?” “Us kinda stuff.” “What do you mean us, ___, what are you trying to say us?” Jimin asked as he released me from his embrace. “What if we fell for each other? What would the consequences be?” “Well, I can answer the first question. If we fell for each other, we would be very in love and you would be taken care of like a queen because that’s what you are to me. I would love you forever and ever.” “Jimin--” “I know, you’re scared, I know you’re trying to comprehend your emotions but you don’t need to think too deep, do you like me?” “I like you, a lot more than just like.” “Okay, the feeling’s mutual so let’s just take it from there?”

7am, Seoul, South Korea, time to wake up. I woke up and entered the bathroom and prepared myself for the day ahead. It was going to be a hopefully relaxing day, no worries, no stress, just relaxing. “Hey, sweetie. I was gonna make you breakfast but you already woke up, so let’s make you some together.” I had gotten used to this voice every morning for the past year of my life and wasn’t going to change a thing about it. “What about you?” “Did you forget? I don’t need to eat.” Jimin chuckled as he walked towards me and wrapped his arms around my torso and placed his forehead against my own. “I love you.” I smiled as I placed a kiss on his cold but soft lips.

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sonofamusicman · 7 years

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A friend suggested that I do this so I guess I'm doing yhis

1) Sexuality? Straight 2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Eric Whitacre, hands down 3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17. "A thin crust of dirt spread from the ghoul's hand, straight up Eurymachus's spectral arm." 4) What do you think about most? Nowadays, my future and where my life is going 5) What does your latest text message from someone else say? "ok. I'm at the side in the parking lot" 6) Do you sleep with or without clothes on? Usually just underwear, but I guess I wouldn't be opposed to sleeping naked 7) What's your strangest talent? Independently moving a single eye 8) Girls.... (finish the sentence); Boys.... (finish the sentence) Girls are just girls; Boys are just boys 9) Ever had a poem or song written about you? Not to my recollection but who knows 10) When is the last time you played the air guitar? I always play the air guitar, I never stop 11) Do you have any strange phobias? I'm not sure if I'd count it but I've got this thing about gremlins 12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? Just ask the surgeons 13) What's your religion? Spiritual with a somewhat Christian leaning, but not altogether religious 14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? Marching band usually but I'll do whatever with my friends 15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Depends on the time I guess, I love performing but I love the creative aspect of shooting and the liberty to make artistic differences 16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? My marching band, I judge the song not the band that performs it 17) What was the last lie you told? I'll ft out of bed soon 18) Do you believe in karma? Absolutely 19) What does your URL mean? Idk I just like the sound of it 20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? I can get overexcited and go a little nuts; I am unfalteringly loyal to my organizations 21) Who is your celebrity crush? Karen Gillan by far 22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping? A couple times, but I never was all that into it 23) How do you vent your anger? Swordplay or throwing knives usually, because I haven't managed to form a healthy habit yet 24) Do you have a collection of anything? Playing cards, I have probably a couple hundred decks at this point 25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? I think the phone? Mostly because with video chatting there usually isn't as much of a purpose to the convo which can make it hard to keep going naturally, but for the most part I prefer face to face or texting 26) Are you happy with the person you've become? With some of me, I'm stuck in some bad habits that make things hard, but I've been pulling myself together 27) What's a sound you hate; sound you love? I hate the sound of jackhammers; I love the sound of cellos 28) What's your biggest "what if"? Probably what if I'd applied myself in high school and actually developed decent study habits 29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Absolutely; it'd be vain not to 30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. Window blinds; blu-ray remote 31) Smell the air. What do you smell? Fresh wind 32) What's the worst place you have ever been to? A skeevy motel in Nevada 33) Choose East Coast or West Coast? West coast, but more northern 34) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender? Taylor swift is attractive, but such a bitch 35) To you, what is the meaning of life? Life doesn't have a meaning, you give it meaning with the legacy you leave 36) Define Art. The intangible made tangible, the abstract made concrete, the infinite made finite 37) Do you believe in luck? Absolutely 38) What's the weather like right now? Partly cloudy, a comfortable breeze 39) What time is it? 1:56 pm 40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? Yes; I nearly hit a car when I first got my license but I swerved away just in time 41) What was the last book you read? I believe the last book I read was looking for Alaska, but I was rereading 42) Do you like the smell of gasoline? A little bit 43) Do you have any nicknames? Master B-Dizzy, Brian-T Crest, Drunk Uncle BRT, Taps 44) What was the last movie you saw? In theaters it would probably be Rogue One, at home it would be Homeward Bound 45) What's the worst injury you've ever had? Well when I set my hand on fire that wasn't great 46) Have you ever caught a butterfly? Yes 47) Do you have any obsessions right now? I'm pretty into It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia right now 48) What's your sexual orientation? Straight; wasn't that number 1? 49) Ever had a rumor spread about you? I don't think so, but in middle school I started rumors about myself 50) Do you believe in magic? Of course 51) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? Not really grudges in the sense of wanting revenge or anything, but if you've wronged me I remember it forever 52) What is your astrological sign? Pisces 53) Do you save money or spend it? I try to save, but I've been known to treat myself 54) What's the last thing you purchased? Some office supplies 55) Love or lust? Love always 56) In a relationship? Not in a couple years now 57) How many relationships have you had? 2 or 3 legitimate ones 58) Can you touch your nose with your tongue? No 59) Where were you yesterday? Mostly home, ran a few errands though 60) Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? Yes 61) Are you wearing socks right now? No 62) What's your favorite animal? Wolves, majestic little badasses 63) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you? I like to think it's my singing, but I think my sense of humor could be a plus 64) Where is your best friend? At this moment? No idea 65) Spit or swallow?(; Ehhhhh hard to say, probs spit (wow that came out of nowhere) 66) What is your heritage? American for a long while, but originally scotch Irish 67) What were you doing last night at 12 AM? Working on arrangements 68) What do you think is Satan's last name? Pense 69) Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off? Obviously 70) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? Most of the time, but I'm pretty annoying at times 71) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? Save the dog, if I'm at that point at my job, I'm on my way out already 72) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid? I'd tell a few people; I'd probably just get my affairs in order and tell people what I've been needing to tell them; maybe at first, but I don't think that'd last long, I don't really fear death anymore 73) You can only have one of these things; trust or love. Love, but what is one without the other 74) What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? Eric Whitacre's A Boy and a Girl 75) What are the last four digits in your cell phone number? 9017 76) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? A mix of complimentary traits that maintain intimacy and sexuality while keeping the higher sense of love and the ability to enjoy each others company 77) How can I win your heart? With kindness and a love of art in all forms 78) Can insanity bring on more creativity? Absolutely, but be careful, that can be playing with fire 79) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? Hands down, joining marching band in high school 80) What size shoes do you wear? 10 1/2 men's 81) What would you want to be written on your tombstone? "We must nourish creativity in any medium, so as to preserve the greatest of all of them" 82) What is your favorite word? Etherial 83) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart. Kindness without motive 84) What is a saying you say a lot? It's all good 85) What's the last song you listened to? Colors of the Wind from Pocahontas 86) Basic question; what's your favorite color/colors? A forest green, especially when coupled with greys and browns 87) What is your current desktop picture? A snowy mountain peak 88) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? Probably Donald Trump 89) What would be a question you'd be afraid to tell the truth on? Have you ever stolen anything? 90) One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren't really doing anything, they're just standing around your bed. What do you do? See if they can talk first. If they cant or become hostile, I'd probably start slashing at them with the machete I keep next to my bed 91) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? Shapeshifting into animals 92) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? My band finals retreat from sophomore year of high school 93) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? None, I claim all my experiences as they got me to this point in my life 94) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? Uhhhhh Selina Gomez probably 95) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? Italy or France, maybe Venice? 96) Do you have any relatives in jail? No 97) Have you ever thrown up in the car? No 98) Ever been on a plane? Yes a good number of times 99) If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say? Life goes on, but we have to make it better for ourselves

#stolen #answers #some of these were way more personal than others

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