#w me as possible during the

[bo0zey]

i’m scFfredscsfed scatsdww scared

#i just wanna embrace my mania but i have work in 4hrs n i barely slept over the last 4 days n pulled an all-nighter last night #like ik it’s not smart to work a 12hr shift without sleep but Fuck i just wanna!! b awake!! #actually i’m lying down in the dark rn n it’s kinda making me sleepyish #but now i’m worried my body will want to catch up on +56hrs of zero sleep n i’ll sleep thru my alarm uvhhhh #i had work yesterday and did surprisingly well despite the all nighter i pulled ?? #i got all my IV sticks!! n im getting better at burping the saline bags!! #my only issue is i’m kinda slow but idk i just get caught up talking w the patients or their families #like i like spending time w the kind ppl and joking with them and taking the time to help educate them abt their ailments #but i work i the ED so i gotta pick up the pace!! but also manic me loooooves chatting n that’s where i fell kinda short yesterday lol #but a pt’s grandma was so genuinely grateful for me taking the time to explain everything we were doing to help her grandson #she said ‘god bless you’ and her genuinity was real i felt she truly meant it #she even said ‘and god bless the woman who put you here on this earth’ n i was like #;-;tyvm i’m actually here doing this bc of my mom!! she passed away when i was 16 n the woman said a little prayer jsut basically telling #god to Reallh watch over me n im not religious at all and i hate god but my mom was v religious n i have no problem w others beliefs #but idk i was really touched i guess like wow maybe i’m not that annoying/horrible of a nurse bc i’m kinda unprofessional when i talk? #i just like to make light out of things to help pt’s feel heard and validity and i want them to know i care and want them to feel as safe #w me as possible during the #time they’re in my care #ik i probably just should’ve been a psych RN from the start but i rlly felt a calling to the ED?? #also there’s a Lot of psych in our ED sooo 2 birds 1 stone !! #also the grandma told me she really appreciated how i spoke with them so openly and teach them things abt their loved ones condition #she said ‘never change that. your soul is beautiful and one of a kind’ or smthin like that n it was incredibly validating to me #cuz i felt like an idiot talking so much or maybe explaining things more than they wanted to know?? but the o grandma was soo appreciative?? #i know i need to practice reigning myself in but with certain patients it’s just so easy to see them as another human being than a body #ok i’m kinda tired now but i’m fuxk dd bc if i fall asleep i’ll o my get 2.5hrs MAX n imsooo scared of not waking up on time!! #ok ok okimvinn finn big gonna go #ramblings

[anonymocha]

are you gonna be there with me?

taco bell commercial song got me dyking

#and of course i project it to this motherfucker #Medicine Pocket #reverse 1999 #reverse 1999 fanart #mochadoodles #LETS EAT YUH YUH #found this song in a lesbian breakcore mix but GIRL it aint breakcore 😂 #still rocks tho #10/10 got me imagining an unholy relationship between a vampire and a huntress in a secret relationship #with guns #femme4femme type beat holy shit #sorry the tags are not related with medpoc im having a moment here #but if the song dont have lesbian undertones i would’ve not liked it THIS much 😭 #that is a single piece of plain bread w nothing but possibly mold on it btw #i posted this during the day on purpose so not many people see it oop #next up: King Princess's PAIN remix cover #this gay ass post got shadowbanned what a day to be alive #/pos #that means im doing it right

[found--family]

am i the only one who sensed some jilted lover vibes from jensen? 

#burcon #cockles #thoughts #at the start of the panel and through a few particular interactions he seemed very standoffish #he was giving a little bitter and hurt and perhaps even resentful - maybe he only learned of misha's gf #at this con too! maybe it was news to him. on top of not seeing misha for months i can understand #if he was feeling a bit neglected and out of the loop. there's also the matter of misha's gf not being #in a poly thing with jensen and dee like vicki was ie. what she has with misha is seperate so i'm sure #that's another difficult thing to deal with knowing their time together is strictly separate #i've no doubt he wants misha to have a partner and be happy but there's an adjustment period #letting new people into your life and whoever misha's partner is now or in the future is going to #affect jensen on a personal level and moreover his relationship with misha. it's all very intriguing #and while i like what little i've seen and heard about this woman for misha i just think no matter who #she is it's going to take a toll on jensen's relationship w misha. i thought it was plain to see on jensen's face #during their panel: numerous moments where he was giving a poker face that wasn't covering a laugh #but instead like he was trying to smooth out his bitterness. or so my eyes and brain and heart tell me. #just various moments where things looked uncomfortable and jensen making off-colour jokes that didn't land #and which furthermore were barbed and snarky - not in their usual banter way but like he was lashing out #and using the excuse of chaotic panel convo to explain away his comedic pitfalls. but again maybe i'm #looking to much into it? idk. there are some lovely moments! fun and caring moments - but they #mainly came from misha's direction ngl. it seemed like misha was trying hard to keep the peace #while jensen was just running his mouth on comments and jokes that kept not landing - for me #everyone on my dash is loving their dynamic this panel - and i want to feel that love! it is possible that #learning misha has a gf has skewed my perception a little like i'm putting context onto moments #i otherwise wouldn't. but i also think i would've laughed and generally felt better watching their panel #if that was the case. idk. whatever the reason i do think something was OFF between them on stage #and it was coming from jensen from the start. misha picked up on it partway though but things felt #a little strained throughout. like jensen wasn't looking at misha as much as usual or reaching out for him #misha tried to salvage and not react to things. but both their answers to the last Q were passive aggressive af #and when they left the stage together they weren't close or touching or chatting like they usually are...

[aq2003]

there comes a beautiful time in life where i have to ask myselg th question, "did i accidentally project too hard onto the character that i only relate to a little bit and in doing so hugely missed this one entire aspect/interpretation of the characters . am i stupid"

#ARE THEY STUPID! #dr who #this is about ten specifically his relationship w martha lmao #m being so serious i genuinely did not. see the 'ten was on purpose leading martha on to make her think her feelings were requited' angle #until going out into the wild and reading the tumblr posts. like i genuinely did not. at ALLLLLL. its like a brick hitting my head #bc the ENTIRE time s3 ten came off to me as 'doing stuff w no romantic intent behind it but would consistently get misinterpreted as such' #cuz IIIIIIIII have done this. IIIIIIII have run into this problem before. and it sucks so incredibly bad. #i actually do want to think my og interpretation still holds water cuz like. well i could gather all the evidence but #first one that comes 2 mind would be him going 'it's like when you fancy someone + they dont know you exist' to martha. in episode TWELVE #two routes; either ten is needlessly cruel and callous even after a season's worth of building up trust and friendship w her #or he is on super 'i dont think she has feelings for me and this is a very unhappy coincidence of a line' cocaine #Or the 'she fancied me' line in s4 to donna. either he is disregarding all the good and positive impact she did him. or the fact that this #went over his head the whole time made him look back on that time w discomfort <- I DID THIS. I MIGHT HAVE BEEN PROJECTING #THIS ONTO HIM. AM I STUPID.?.????? #you know how mikage rgu can either be read as an incel or a gay man lost so completely in the sauce #ten is like in this same ballpark. i think. of 'emotionally manipulative and disrespects women' or 'aroacespec and missed the cues' #funniest possible options to pick from. ten my brother how did you set yourself up like this #absolutely not denying that he was toxic and unhealthy during s3 in like 500 ways btw. but well. ths is the one concwpt that #flew over my head. so completely. and i can kind of see it now but i also still find it hard to incorporate into my belief system #bc its like. brother I'M aroace and missed the cues too lol #tangential note we can trace many problems down to a writer's room filled w white people not giving #martha's character the respect/agency she deserves for the existing narrative she has. bc they pulled this w mickey too both in series 1+2 #if they wanted to portray ten as manipulative then him and martha should've been given more screentime #together where martha (or anyone else) calls him the FUCK out on this. and ten would need to suffer narrative consequences of doing smth #as fucked up as that rather than his happy stable dynamic he has w donna. if they wanted to portray him as oblivious then marthas character #shouldn't have constantly been boiled down to an unrequited crush (particularly her dialogue in the s3 finale - there's a LOT more reasons #why she would choose to leave/why their dynamic was unhealthy besides ten not returning her feelings) #if you read all these tags you may be entitled 2 financial compensation #ten and martha #aspec doc tag

[vypridae]

anyway heres a jouno

#bro hes just a silly goofy #this was done during study hall btw and i struggled w the shading so much #me when i change my style of closed eyes Just For Jouno to make him As Pretty As Possible #anyway tetchou stabbed him in the foot when he saw this #xandraws #bsd #bungo sd #bungou sd #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #jouno saigiku #saigiku jouno #saigiku jōno #jōno saigiku #bsd jouno

[ajdrawshq]

desire to play more in stars and time bc i missed some really good optional events and would maybe like to 100% the game vs never wanting to touch the game again bc i cant stomach the thought of forcing sif to go thru one more loop

#isat #isat spoilers #i cant believe i missed the loop epilogue bit . loop even tells u to interact w stuff near them and i never tried it im mad at myself #i also really wanna get the sus achievement but i cant figure out how to go thru with it #i can get the events during the first and second rest stops but not the third!!! what am i missing!!!! #and the game is too new for me to look up guides.. #i swear ive found everything on floor 3 but i must have missed something bc i cant think of what it could possibly be.. #i do know how to get the loop part tho at least

[dreamertrilogys]

i’m trying to rmbr when exactly the last concert i went to ended (since i wanna go to another one soon hopefully 🤞) but i genuinely can’t find ANY record of it at ALL. fuck why aren’t i more of a screen-ager i should’ve posted abt it on instagram the moment it ended or smth :(

#the ONLY thing i can possibly think of is phone calls. but apparently to see my further call history i have to check w/ my cell provider #AND WE JUST SWITCHED TO ROGERS LIKE 3 DAYS AGO. GODDAMMIT #.txt #the timing is relevant bc i’m not allowed to go to concerts + i’m only allowed sleepovers in a very limited quantity + my curfew is #slightly l8r than it was last yr so i wanna see if i need to use a sleepover if we end up going to one.. #i didn’t text anyone when it ended. i didn’t post abt it anywhere till like the day after. i didn’t dm the friend who’s place i spent that #night at. we walked to a further streetcar stop just for funsies so i can’t even check my presto history. GOD #ik i called my parents right after it ended bc my dad called me during it but it was too loud 4 me to pretend it was just a sleepover so i j #told him i had bad signal lol

[silverislander]

people smarter than me have said this before but jesus christ why does every job seem to require at least a year of experience and a degree in some hyperspecific field. where did the entry level positions go? how am i even supposed to get experience if none of yall will give me a job without it?

#theres already almost nothing related to my field being offered but even the unrelated things that i think i could try are out bc of this #most of the stuff id actually care abt doing actually require 3-5+yrs! in a field that i cant get into without experience i cant get! #and people talk abt how 'nobody wants to work' i am BEGGING you for a job. literally begging (cover letters). #im coming to the horrifying realization that its possible Nothing i have done w my entire life matters. i have nothing useful #i really feel like i made a mistake. that cant be the best five years of my life i wasnt even happy during most of them #i applied to six jobs weeks ago and ive heard back from one of them and it was a rejection. and theres nothing else to apply to #my degree isnt helping and all of my hobbies are useless. why am i only good at/passionate abt arts. why not math or smth instead #i should have just done ece like i was planning to instead of my honours. what was even the point #and im watching other people in my year get great jobs right out of university. watching my BROTHER get offered work on a silver platter #hes 19 and got five different offers + didnt apply people just asked him to work for them. second year in a row this has happened #hes never had to work for minimum wage. hes always had a good job in his field lined up anytime he wants to work and it always pays well #and i finished five years and ive had to beg for everything ive ever gotten and its still not enough to count for anything #im proud of him but fuck it stings a little #levi.txt #vent tw #oh right i forgot i should just walk in and shake the managers hand. /right/. and they will simply give me a job on the spot bc of this #if people whove been working the same job since before 1990 dont fucking stop giving me bad advice istfg #and these same people say nepotism isnt real and in the same breath talk abt giving their nephew a summer job at their company #literally all i want is work i can be decent at that i care abt and making a living wage. it doesnt have to be fun i dont want to be rich #i just want to do an ok job feel like my work matters and make enough to start my life. thats all

[obihoe]

smth abt hsrm still trying to understand mdr during their last convo in konoha but mdr being completely unwilling (and cocky even) abt not letting him in but then seeming angry when hsrm doesnt try anymore during their fights .. doesnt. get how to Get thru to him. and during the war arc, mdr is also the one thats more interested in having a dialogue w him than hsrm is. mdr would have had his chance to open up to him while they were still in konoha, meanwhile hsrm would have had His chance to force him to open up during their battles .... guess the main thing abt this is that mdr feels like he can only communicate via violence whereas hsrm wants to communicate via words and isnt willing to .. switch. in a sense. to a different language that maybe will reach him. doesnt understand even i think that mdr is trying to establish communication at all thru this. whereas mdr is incapable of using another language that will make hsrm want to keep trying

#madara #posts #hashirama #was just looking thru some panels the other day and mdr during their last convo is literally like just vagueing as incomprehensibly #as possible #and then hsrm is like begging him basically to tell him what he's talking about #and he's trying to help him but mdr is like heh heh. not telling u shit abt this actually :) anyway cannot wait to fucking fight u later #bye :) #like .... girl this is not helping #but then hsrm during the vote fight seems to completely forget abt that and just focus on mdr's actions #rather than his words both before And during the fight #mdr actually like. makes it quite clear that its not abt the village #however he doesnt tell him what its about instead so like :) hsrm of course sees his actions as most important in the end #like on one hand mdr communicates so horribly but then also hsrm cringe fails at not recognizing that there is smth beneath this! #they just. cannot communicate anymore at all at this point #oh. and also .. mdr in konoha literally says to him 'no one can catch me from behind as u know ;)' and then the fight literally ends w him #being stabbed in the back like im sfdesfdfesfdgdfs #dont know if i should scream or laugh at this actually #anyway #hsmd

[beeapocalypse]

very simple pudel ref to figure out their colors and shapes

do not know if ive talked abt them. rescue corps recruit who joined up in order to get off of hocotate after an apocalyptic break up. published author who throws their entire heart into research for new novels (had been writing a romance before the breakup, has a half finished first draft rotting away untouched and an inability to either trash it or finish it), loves to go on hikes for fun

#scribbles #pudel oc #it is SO hard to get these little guys to look right for me for some reason. gah #they got real into wilderness survival and the mechanics of the rescue corps for a previous book and thats the reason it was their-- #--immediate go to after getting all their stuff out of the apartment theyd been sharing w their girlfriend. they fall in love w PNF-404 and #--the life in the rescue corps during pik4 events but feels like they Cannot move onto writing abt smth theyre passionate abt with a dead-- #--in the water project still haunting them. changes when they fight louie + the sirehound and have THE best time ever. most-- #--electrifying experience of their life and one which they didnt try to seek out FOR that passion or force through as much prep + set up-- #--as possible. collin sees them chatting w louie and giggling afterwards and is like oh my god you could do SO much better

[probayern]

damn i'm realizing that i've really made it basically impossible for myself to watch a whole bayern match until. october. do i hate myself subconsciously or something

#i COULD watch next weekend's but i wish it weren't the topspiel #because my best friend is visiting so i'd feel bad being like... let's stay at home until 1:30 because i want to watch football #but maybe he'll want to watch or go on a run or something. we'll see #and i have therapy on fridays so i'll miss the first half of the leverkusen game #unless i move therapy which i might bc i REALLY want to see how we do against leverkusen #then i'm on a plane during the bochum match :( #and on a road trip w my family for the whole of the next week #so definitely missing the first pokal match bc i'll be hiking in the mountains somewhere #possibly i could watch leipzig in the car IF there's reception #oh fuck and then i'm at a wedding the weekend after so i'll also be in a car during freiburg #fuck me i will not be able to normally watch a bayern match until october 21 😭 #bc the ucl matches are also always inconvenient lol #i hate when they always make us the sunday game or the topspiel let us play the early saturday kickoff! #anyway. this is way too much detail about my life. i'm just complaining #bella things

[infizero]

light and misa's "relationship" is rlly tragic and fucked but also in an isolated state its really fucking funny. ESPECIALLY if you consider them both to be arospec like i do

#misa is like ''oh light my wonderful boyfriend~!! we need to go on a date we haven't been on one in so long!'' #(i know that when you're dating you're supposed to go on dates. so we have to go on a date every so often to assure me that i'm getting a #good grade in Having a Boyfriend something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve) #and then light is like (internally) 'i would literally rather kill myself than spend time with her but i need her for my purposes so i have #to appease her' (externally) ''ok sure i guess misa'' #and then they go to a restaurant and misa waits for him to kiss her the whole night (she does not attempt to herself) #meanwhile light just sits there and goes nonverbal for long extended periods of time while he monologues in his head about how to appear #like a normal (straight) human being (spoiler: he's really bad at this) #and every so often he'll be like ''you look nice. this food is good. other boring pleasantries'' while glaring as if he's poisoned her food #THEY LIVED LIKE THIS FOR 4 YEARS. #again. awful. but also kind of fucking funny. gay aroace guy and aroace girl going through the motions of a heterosexual relationship for 4 #whole years. they hate each other for sure dawg ToT obvs misa to a lesser extent but i think she definitely had a lot subconscious hate for #light. that only got stronger the longer things went on #also during this time they definitely had sex a Single Time because they got to a point where misa was like we've been dating for like #2 years normal couples usually sleep together way before then...... and light was like. LOUD SIGH. ok #it was terrible. neither of them enjoyed it and they never spoke of it again #gee wonder why that was (holding the ace spectrum behind my back) #anyways they're so awful im obsessed w them. awful apart and even WORSE together. it's beautiful #then you throw L in this mix and it gets even funnier and MORE awful #(he's bi aroace to me btw. for the record) #serena.txt #death note posting

[rpfisfine]

THATS NOT WHAT I MEEEAAANNNANANNNTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

#my streetcar named desire essay what the hell.....she literally completely misunderstood my point thats not what i was saying at all #i was just pointing out that there is like an overarching theme in the play that suggests that overindulging in one's sexuality is #something that can bring disastrous results or like death in the metaphorical sense #and that it maybe possibly might be linked to the fact that williams was a gay man in the 1940-50's....but mostly i was just saying words #recreationally...like...can't you just respect my vibe.... #mp #also dude you said the n word w the hard r during one of our seminars once...your opinion is literally meaningless to me

[nagitoburger]

wataei is soo special to me and idek why liek. something about their relationship is just so different to me but not in like a weird different way but like. Idk. I feel like eichis insecurities and self thoughts r more relatable to me than other characters I've been crazy about which might factor into this.. crayz moment.. and how they show their love for each other at all times w no bounds or whatever like AUGH they just make me feel insane im dying

#idk how to express myself in words AT ALL #theyre just so perfect to me and its so sweet and cute watching their relationship develop like from during the war to after #and i love how no matter what they do both always express love to each other like #when ur talking to someone u love or doing stuff for them there's always the underlying feeling and meaning of love #but w them i think what sets them apart for me is how they express it and actually verbalize it #And how they verbalize it in the craziest way possible like. hello. wtf. theyre so poetic and crazy...... #wataei #i love them so bad its crazy

[skitskatdacat63]

I'm not supposed to be bringing my laptop as we are going to a different country, but I am, because it's the grand prix, I never miss the grand prix. Let's see how I do with gifing, not sure yet :D

#i want to post but i dont know how the wifi will be on the train #ill be on the train during the whole race so should be fun #but my prof is like dont bring your laptop absolutely not #and im like ....but what if i did #im not even scared of the possibility of it getting stolen like he implied #im just worried he'll get pissy w me #so lets hope not! #i judt dont want watch the gp on my phone its such a pain #but i do wanna post hehe #it just might be a pain #auf wiedersehen hehe off to Deutschland i go #catie.rambling.txt

[deus-ex-mona]

mysterious mustachioed creature…

#making cringe to hide from my cringe in full hd— #aka this is how i’m trying to forget about possibly holding up an entire building’s fire drill by my lonesome— #m a n. i was just chillin during my break at the front of the building h o w did it become like thisssssss #but the fact that the fire drill started pretty much the moment i returned to my workplace can’t be a coincidence right~? #at least none of the other companies’ people know it was possibly delayed by me… small mercies iggggggg #dumb fire drill ate into my break though sads i want a time refunddddddd #but hm. now i ​feel like eating fried chicken………. im hungry