#but i'm here anyway and i'm going to try to make myself engage

[camels-pen]

(i haven't read Whole Cake in a while, and i never really watched it, so bear with me)

I'd love to write a fic with Usopp on Whole Cake. it'd be sooo fucking long and i'd need to refresh myself on the entire arc, but god i'd probably be so satisfied when it's done. specifically for having brought a single moment in my head to life, but we'll get to that.

On Zou, he insists to be taken along on the Sanji rescue team and has worked himself up with a whole bunch of very good reasons as to why he should go there instead of helping in Wano, but of course Luffy just immediately accepts with a "yeah sure"

With Whole Cake, I think he'd be flipping between having fun as part of the idiot trio/quartet (Luffy, Chopper, Carrot), and being terrified with Nami. There wouldn't be that many differences in the arc as a whole, though; some things would be easier/better and some things would be worse- I don't necessarily think Usopp's presence would be overall an advantage or disadvantage, just different. Like, major events would stay mostly the same, but little details would change and maybe those little details would build to a far more drastic change-

for example, maybe one of Big Mom's kids considers themself a great sniper and wants a match with Usopp, or is motivated to work harder because Usopp is around and they want to take him out and boast about it. Maybe it means Sunny takes more damage than canon, or maybe Usopp's help means less damage to Sunny. (idk if i'd really do smth like this, but it's just an example)

skjdhf fuck i'm really not equipped to try and figure this out when i don't remember shit from Whole Cake aaaa

I do know that, despite his penchant for talking and rambling, I'd probably have Usopp be dead silent after his initial shock when Sanji fights Luffy. Everything about that is the same, except Usopp is just watching Sanji the whole time- not panicking, not moving, and not speaking. He doesn't say a word the entire time, doesn't even make a sound, and that, along with Luffy's words and Nami's begging, stick with Sanji.

(Usopp is thinking of his own fight with Luffy in Water 7, he's partially wondering if this was what it was like- if it was this painful to watch from the sidelines- and partially knowing he doesn't have to say a word, because he knew, like he knew back then, that it didn't matter what was said. It wasn't quite the same, but he could tell in the way Sanji moved, in the way he spoke and held himself, that he was putting on a front, trying to be brave in all the wrong ways. Usopp didn't say a word to Sanji because there was nothing he could say that Sanji himself didn't already know. Should've known. And his quiet, direct stare, was more than enough.)

the singular moment i really wanna write, is a scene where Sanji is apologizing for dragging them into his mess- either during the big meeting in Bege's castle or some other time- and Usopp's like "I'll do what you can't, you do what I can't, right?" and Sanji pauses, a little confused, until he remembers Enies Lobby and a stupid mask and cape and-

and tears are gathering in his eyes now, fuck, but he laughs a little. It sounds wet and his face is itchy and they're surrounded by tentative allies, but he- he laughs again and he says, "Fuck, you remembered that?"

Usopp shrugs, a little smile on his face. "They were some wise words from a wise man."

Sanji laughs a third time. "You think I'm wise?"

And they banter a little more before Bege tells them to quit it since they're on a time constraint or something. Quietly, Usopp will ask, "It-it helps. On bad days. And I figured, 'what's a worse day than this?' Ah, not that you getting married would ever be bad per se-"

"Usopp," Sanji says, looking more relaxed and settled. He smiles fondly and grabs his friend in a one armed hug, crushing him to his side. "Thanks."

And yeah, don't remember much beyond that, except the whole "hiding and then busting out of the cake" bit, which would mean Usopp in a cute little tuxedo or smth- maybe with a fedora aaaaaa <- loves fedoras- helping out with the fighting and eventually sailing with everyone to Wano.

He would be so distressed about fixing up Sunny now that the whole thing with Whole Cake is over. Maybe there'd be a gag about him promising Franky to take good care of Sunny while they were gone and being confident, after being Franky's tinkering partner and learning from him over time, that he could handle minor repair work much better than he did the first time around with Merry. And so when he finally takes in all the very-not-minor repairs he has to do, he's certain Franky is gonna strangle him for not keeping his promise. Probably also try to write in some nostalgic 'repairman Usopp' vibes from pre-Water 7.

Also something something, Sanji, wanting to do more for the crew bc he still feels guilty about Whole Cake, decides to take it upon himself to help Usopp not fall into a whole anxiety spiral about the ship. In turn, Usopp ends up helping Sanji not feel so guilty- usually by handing his own words back to him on a silver platter. And, yknow, having the two of them bonding and being buddies again like they so rarely get to be in canon nowadays qwq

#one piece #usopp #whole cake island #nemotime #that bit in bege's castle isn't exactly how it would go. just kinda. trying to get the vibe. also it's wayyy too short lol #the sanuso bit can be platonic or romantic. originally when i was gonna write out this idea a while ago i was thinking romantic with my #'they get engaged/married b4 dressrosa' au but tbh platonic works just as good #im- these guys man. i hate them so much (affectionate) #i'll get to rereading whole cake and finding a way to put him in there but for now. this. #if anyone's got other ideas im all ears #edit from like march 7: thinking about this again #maybe usopp being silent is an indicator for sanji that usopp's really fucking disappointed or shocked or w/e #but for usopp himself it's like being back in water 7. he doesn't even mean to be silent. he's got words built up on the tip of his tongue #but none of them come out. and despite sanji being Right There all he wants to do in that moment. is run. #at the very least he stays and watches the whole confrontation through. but afterwards he probably feels like shit #because he's the guy who's great with words right? he's the guy that can relate the most out of the group who went to WCI. he should be abl #to make a significant difference and help convince sanji to come home. but he feels like he failed. like he's going to lose another friend #and it's going to be all his fault. (again) #[not really. we all know merry wasn't his fault but we love old insecurities rearing their head in this house] #later he'd probably end up saying the words he wanted to say. and maybe it's better that way. that he ended up waiting #until luffy's had a proper shot at scolding sanji first. because then usopp can act as support and reinforcement. which. yknow. #a sniper's duty and all #anyway i got other shit to do so i'm cutting myself off here #wci usopp

[holocene-sims]

story update

hello friends, i haven't done a story status update in a while, but i figured it was time to do so because everything the stars promised is pretty much on semi-hiatus for the time being!

i say semi-hiatus because it's not really on pause, but updates will be quite slow for the rest of the year while i'm busy with college work. time is limited, and i have to focus my attention elsewhere.

also, i find it hard to carve out the time to make story posts because tbh engagement here on simblr has been really low lately, and notes on my current story posts are significantly lower than on older story posts and other types of content. i don't care about notes, but i don't really get asks or comments or any kind of more useful engagement beyond a handful of likes, so i can't gauge if people read the story or care about it at all. so making the story, though i am passionate about it, feels like a colossal waste of my energy right now.

so semi-hiatus it is. if there are updates, they will either be sporadic or delayed to make a longer queue.

#if you do read the story...could you maybe comment or something on here just to let me know if you do #even if you just read it sporadically #i don't think anyone really cares tbh but i felt it necessary to post the update anyway #i have thought about just quitting and deleting all the posts but i'm not ready to go that far yet #i want to make it happen and i'm trying to but time and engagement do work against me #and i'd rather be honest about it than not #i'm not very good at communicating LMAO i am so sorry...i just keep to myself...so here i go trying to be a social simblr #holocene.txt

[uglyducklingofthe2000s]

Love On The Brain - LN

Summary: Lando pictures a future with his girlfriend and a future only with his girlfriend.

Just a short little one, a cute idea that struck me and idk I just had to write it.

Themes: Pillowtalk, suggestion of a bit of a breeding kink (like the finest nod to it)

It takes only a glimpse for people to see that Lando would be miserable if he was to lose y/n, not matter the reason. If the relationship came to an end, gradual or immediate. Lando would be devastated.

But neither y/n nor Lando have ever felt so secure in a relationship. There is just no threat to their relationship.

"One day this is going to get you pregnant." Lando states as he slides himself down the bed between her legs seeing his cum leak out of her while her chest rises and drops rapidly trying to catch her breath as she feels Lando's cheek rest on her thigh.

Looking up at her just with eyes of admiration.

These are the moments that Lando knows that this is forever, this is all going to be his life and how he wants it to be.

"Yeah, well the way you go. I think that's the intention." Y/n states while Lando kisses her tummy. "How many?"

"3..."

"Gender?"

"You already told me you want me to be a girl dad. Entirely outnumbered." Lando smiles earning a grin. "So three girls."

"Three girls." Y/n hums before she feels him drawing out shapes on her tummy. "Are we raising them in Monaco or...home?"

"Home. Or maybe somewhere new." Lando thinks out loud. "I mean we'll be travelling a lot by the time the first two come around, maybe still by the time the third is here."

"Names?"

"Aside from Norris. I think you get to choose, after all you're the one giving birth and you'll already be Norris by then anyway." Lando shrugs which makes her laugh but she knows he's not wrong. She's alright told him that she wants his name.

"Ok, give me a time line."

"I'm not telling you when we're going to get engaged because then you know when to expect it." They both know it's going to be soon. "But once we're engaged. I think married within a year unless it doesn't line up with the August wedding. So give or take a year. Obviously, keeping me off of you is impossible before marriage so after marriage...we'll be outdoing any other newly weds in existence and you'll be all gorgeous and pregnant by the time our first anniversary comes around. Hell you might've already had the baby. Depending on how you feel, I think no more than 4 years between each other the kids."

"That's a big plan...and when does your retirement come into all of this?"

"I think either...after a multi champ winning streak comes to an end. Or I think if I'm still wanted at 40. I'll go till then."

"Over 20 years in the sport." Y/n hums as her skin twitches under his gentle touches. "I can't wait to be here for so much of it."

Lando can't even stop the bashful shyness overwhelming him as he hides his face in the soft skin of her tummy while she laughs at the reaction and gently runs her hand through his curls.

"How in the world did I get so lucky to get you?" Lando mumbles into her skin.

"I ask myself that question about how lucky I am to have you every single day." Y/n whispers biting her lip as she smiles. "I love you."

"I love you too and I'm going to spend every single day showing you how it's possible that I love you more than I did the day before."

"I think you've upped the game of pillow talk."

"Good."

Lando smiles then sighing as he moves up and captures her lips, only breaking it to settle up kneel between her legs, her things spread over his own as her gaze looks at him.

"So we have two options."

"Hit me with them."

"More sex, then food and then we can go grocery shopping. Or if you want we can clean up, grocery shop and make food."

"You choose." Y/n shrugs since she genuinely would be happy with either those opens. "Plus you like being in control, so easier to let you decide."

"Well I'm not going to argue with that." Lando smiles before he kisses her softly. "I think more sex, then food and then grocery shopping."

"More sex always sounds good to me."

#f1 #fanfic #formula 1 #lando norris #lando norris x reader #lando norris imagine #lando norris x y/n #lando x reader #lando #norris #lando norris mclaren #lando norris fluff #lando norris fic #lando norris fanfic #lando norris x you #ln4 one shot #ln4 #ln4 x reader #ln4 imagine #ln4 fic #ln4 fluff #mclaren f1 #mclaren #ln4 x you #ln4 x y/n #mclaren formula 1 #mclaren racing

[sunny44]

You shouldn’t let her go

Pairing: Lewis Hamilton!girlfriend reader x Max Verstappen!ex-girlfriend reader

Warnings: stupid Max, pregnancy

Summary: Max left his fiancée after years of relationship because he felt he couldn't stand being tied to someone anymore so after almost two years she shows up in the paddock with Lewis and he realizes he shouldn't have let her go.

Ps: just to make it clear, I am not in favor of the rivalry that is imposed on Lewis and Max, I know they are not friends but the reality does not match my stories, this is fiction so don't take it personally.

Next Chapter

When he decided that our relationship should end I thought he was joking.

For days and weeks I couldn't believe that this was real, but my mind was made up as soon as I saw pictures of him on the internet with women in parties.

It was then that I realized that our engagement was over.

I don't think I have ever suffered so much in my life, I never thought that I would be isolated for months.

I suffered so much that I started to stop eating, in the beginning I ate very little but as the days went by I decreased until I almost stopped completely but luckily my mother saved me from being at the bottom of the pit.

The first months were difficult, I had been used to our own routine for years and having to leave it suddenly was extremely difficult, in fact I was torn out of that routine.

I had to leave where I had lived for years since the apartment was his, I had to learn to take care of my place by myself since now there was no one else for me to share my tasks with.

But 5 months later I met someone, someone who made me have those feelings again, the feelings that I thought after Max I would never have again.

I already knew who he was and he also knew who I was but the fact that he was Max's enemy but leads meant that we never really talked.

Lewis and I had been dating for almost 9 months when he ask me to be his girlfriend and I remember being extremely happy that he was taking our relationship as seriously as I was.

And since that day we have been together and today would be the first time I could be in a formula one paddock since Max and I broke up.

Today was the Dutch GP and Lewis and I were on our way to the paddock, him and I had agreed early on in the relationship that we would only go public when we were comfortable letting the world know about us. I know how well this world works, if you don't do something people judge you and if you do something they judge you anyways.

And I knew what the fans would say that I was a hustler who only dates drivers and that since I got dumped by one I went after another.

But they don't know the half of it because the part where I suffered they don't care because one of the most coveted pilots became single so they can go after him and try their luck and some of them really do.

Most of them are like that, they go from city to city in nightclubs chasing silly girls who are willing to have their one minute of fame for being able to say that they fuck a formula 1 driver, but in the end this is nothing because in years of relationship he can forget you in one day so how long does it take for them to forget a simple fuck?

When we arrived in the paddock I could already feel my nervousness and so could Lewis, he knew I was afraid to come but not because I was here again or even because I had to see him.

But because of the fact that I would be judged for dating a driver who doesn't get along well with my ex for clear reasons.

But I'm already expecting that his fans don't like me.

"Are you okay?" He asks looking at me but I don't answer and just stare at nothing. "Hey, baby."

"Yeah?" I asked looking at him.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Again he asks and I don't answer. "I'm not sure we picked the right GP to do this."

"In this situation there is no right GP. But I think we picked the worst one." I say and he laughs. "Look they are going to hate me anyway with us showing up together today or in the next race so let's just get over with."

"That's the way to talk." He says cheerfully and we get out of the car.

When we got out of the car and were getting in it seemed like the world had stopped around the two of us, the flashes and noises of the cameras, the movement was so big that even some of the drivers that were scattered around looked and were surprised at what they were seeing.

Halfway there I felt Lewis taking my hand and intertwining our fingers and confirming what people were thinking.

We walked to the Mercedes garage and before we entered I could see him standing in front of the Red Bull garage with some people from the team talking to him but Max was more focused on me than on them.

When we got inside I went to say hello to the people from the team, some faces were already known but most I didn't know who they were.

"We have an unexpected visitor." I hear a voice behind me and I recognized it right away by the accent.

"Hi Toto, how are you?"

"Fine and you?"

"I'm great taking all the attention."

"It's almost as if Beyoncé is walking into the paddock."

"I felt like her." He laughs.

"I'm going to go change and be right back okay?" Lewis says and I nodded and he gave me a kiss before heading to his room.

"I'm going to get some coffee, will you let him know for me?" Toto agrees and I leave to get a cup of coffee.

Which I shouldn't have done if I knew Max would find me and come after me.

"Hi."

"Hi Max."

"Good to see you, you look great."

"Thanks."

"And how are you?"

"Fine."

"I haven't heard from you anymore."

"You wouldn't have had to know, you made it very clear that you didn't want me in your life anymore the last time we saw each other."

"And that was the biggest mistake of my life.”

"That’s your problem now." I said walking past him but he held my arm. "Can you let go of me?"

"Are you really with him or was that whole scene just to make me jealous?"

"Pay close attention because I'm only going to tell you once, you broke up with me and it was you who broke my heart. You don't know what the hell my life was like after you dumped me, so don't come to me wanting to know about my life because I don't owe you anything.”

"I'm sorry I was an asshole and I deserve that you are angry with me but seriously you are dating him? You didn't even like him."

"YOU didn't even like him Max I've never even spoken to him to draw those conclusions. And you are rivals on the track but off the track you have no connection."

"So you're dating a guy who hates me? After everything we've been through?"

"And after everything we've been through you dumped me like that for no reason at all so it looks like we're even." He looks at me with anger and sadness at the same time. "And for your information yes I am dating him and it's been a long time, it's not something recent that happened just so I could make you jealous. So leave me alone."

I turned to leave and after a few steps I stopped and looked at him.

"Actually I do owe you something.” He looked at me. "I owe you a thank you for breaking my heart years ago because then I could meet a guy who really loves me and who sees a future with me unlike you who only saw me as a trophy that you dragged everywhere."

Having said that I actually left and went to get a coffee which would actually be a tea since I was avoiding drinking too much coffee.

After buying the tea and a donut that I couldn't resist when I saw it I went back to the Mercedes garage seeing a super worried Lewis.

"Oh my God, where were you? I was worried when I came back and didn't see you here."

"I asked Toto to tell you I was going to get something to drink."

"He had to go to a meeting and must have forgotten."

"I'm fine, don't worry."

"You look a little pale, is something wrong?" He asks, running his hand over my face and I know why I was pale but I wouldn’t tell him right before the race.

"I had a forced conversation with Max on the way over."

"What did he do? Did he hurt you?"

"He didn't hurt me he just wanted to know if we were really together or I was just using you to make him jealous. But I'm not." I hasten to say."

"I know don't worry about it, don't worry about him okay? He's not worth your time."

Lewis put his arms around my waist bringing me close to him and I held his face and kissed him until we were interrupted by the crew calling Lewis to get in the car because the race was about to start, he kissed me once more and went to the car.

I didn't remember how torturous and agonizing it was to have someone you love racing at over 300km/h, every time it seemed like someone was going to crash and I was scared to death that something was going to happen to Lewis but I knew that he was an excellent driver and had total control of what he was doing.

That was until he started to lose positions and that made me and the team worried because the car was the best of the weekend.

Max was first now and I could almost hear his laughter in my head and it really pissed me off.

"Y/n come here." I heard Toto calling me and Bono handing me a microphone.

"Why are you giving this to me?" I picked up the headset in confusion.

"He's nervous for some reason and we can't calm him down so try talking to him."

"Lewis can you hear me?" I ask after I put the headset on.

"Honey? What are you doing there?"

"You need to concentrate, what's going on?"

"I keep thinking about you and him, and it's distracting me. I'm afraid that after you talked today you might want to get back together with him.”

"Don't think about it, I love you and I'm never getting back with Max, understand? I couldn't even."

"Why couldn't you?"

"Because me and our baby love you and we are here rooting for you too."

"Our baby?" he asks without understanding.

"I'm pregnant babe."

"Are you serious?"

"Yes, I am."

"Are we having a baby?"

"Yes we are." I could hear him laughing with happiness. "So go get him."

Right then he sped up and sped up as if his life depended on it and on the last lap he passed Max and the whole garage celebrated, when he crossed the finish line we all went in front of the podium where I went running with the team and stood right in front, he jumped out of the car and celebrated and then came running towards me and kissed me, he pulled me through the fence hugging me even tighter. He bent down and kissed my belly making me laugh through my tears and the look on Max's face that came second didn't go unnoticed, I don't know if it was me but their eyes seemed to shine with the tears but at the moment I didn't care because my happiness was there with me celebrating his victory.

Bonus scene!

Yourusername instagram post

Liked by LewisHamilton, yourmom, mickshumacher, landonorris and others 82937

Yourusername After feeling lonely and unhappy for years I finally found someone who makes me feel like the most special woman in the world. I can't thank you enough for making me shine again and for making me a better person.

And now that our family is growing, I can only thank you for always being there for us, I love you so much.

Tagged: LewisHamilton

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#lewis hamilton #lewis hamilton edit #lewis hamilton imagine #lewis hamilton angst #lewis hamilton x you #lewis hamilton x reader #lewis hamilton one shot #lewis hamilton instagram au #lewis hamilton aesthetic #lewis hamilton icons #lewis hamilton smut #lewis hamilton social media au #lewis hamilton drabble #lewis hamilton fanfic #lewis hamilton fanart #lewis hamilton fluff #lewis hamilton headers #lewis hamilton blurb #lewis hamilton masterlist #mercedes amg f1 #f1 instagram au #f1 fanfic #f1 imagine #mercedes

[balioc]

Oh, boy! It's Education Theory o'Clock again!

...I have a lot of thoughts on this topic. At some point, when I'm less busy and tired, I should probably try to write them up. Natively, I'm one of the school-is-a-nightmare-prison people, like so many others in this little discourse-sphere -- but I'm married to a middle school teacher, so I regularly encounter both the good arguments from the other side and the facts on the ground, and those things have altered my perspective somewhat.

But I am, in fact, busy and tired. So for now I'll just content myself with saying:

School is an institution that serves many, many, many purposes at the same time. A lot of those purposes are load-bearingly important. (A couple of years ago, I wrote this about college, and...it's double-plus true for primary and secondary schools.) If you don't try to account for all of that stuff in your theory of What School Is and How School Works, you will generate incoherent garbage thoughts. If you have a New Concept for school entailing top-down design that is optimized for a single function (like "increasing test scores" or "causing kids to love learning" or whatever), you'd better have a plan for how you're going to do all the other important things that schools do. And even if you think that some of those things aren't actually important or necessary, you'd better have a plan for dealing with all the people who disagree. Because...

-----

...school, as it exists today, is an inherently political institution. Both in the "soft" sense that everyone has strong opinions about what it's supposed to do and how it's supposed to work, and in the "hard" sense that it is actually controlled by democratically-accountable governments. (This is double-plus true in the US, where it is controlled by local governments, and therefore doesn't even have the protective insulation of a massive bureaucracy.) Everything about the way schools work is a compromise brokered amongst ideologues and self-dealers. Everything about the way schools work involves a lot of decision-makers trying not to get yelled at by the yelliest people around. If you're looking for elegant purpose-driven top-down design, you won't find it. You could probably make a case that any elegant purpose-driven top-down design would be better than the thing we actually have, but getting there would require finding a way to remove the political element.

-----

Most importantly: public schools are (1) compulsory, (2) universal, and (3) for children. [People who are legally children, anyway, whether or not they are actual children in whatever sense matters to you.]

This means that they cannot let students leave, and they have to keep control of all the students that they aren't allowing to leave.

In the most literal not-a-judgment-but-a-fact sense, they are indeed prisons. They are coercively keeping people inside. They have to do that thing, as per their most fundamental mandate within the current system. The alternatives involve letting kids run around unsupervised, and/or failing to give some kids even the most cursory kind of education, and those things are absolute non-starters under present conditions.

All the normal institutions-for-adults operate on the principle of -- If you really don't want to be here, you can leave, and deal with whatever consequences there may be for leaving. This is not an option for schools, and that fact accounts for...everything.

Classroom structure is built around the necessity of keeping the most-hostile, least-engaged student in the class present and supervised, and then trying to prevent him from disrupting things for everyone else. Because the obvious solution that any other institution would use -- "just cut him loose, he doesn't want to be here and we don't want him here" -- isn't available.

(I once talked to my wife about the rationed bathroom access thing, which is one of the most flagrant nightmare-prison aspects of the school experience. Her response was, "If you let kids use the bathroom whenever they want, as much as they want, then you don't have mandatory universal education anymore. Some of them will never return to the classroom, because they don't want to be there." Which is...obviously true.)

So you have something that replicates many of the features of prison, because it has to accomplish the same basic tasks that prison accomplishes. Yay, Foucault.

#education

[cordeliawhohung]

i literally always interact with ur posts and i always try to initiate some sort of friendship but you dont !!!! idk

so, it's rather unfortunate that i feel like i have to explain myself even though i know i don't have to, but i'm going to anyway because this will eat me alive if i don't and i'm gonna set healthy boundaries here.

first, thank you for your continued support of my posts. interaction makes the site go round, and all that. but this comment feels really... transactional.

i feel like i do a really good job at interacting with people who comment and whatnot on my posts. i answer asks, i enjoy the silly ones and the serious ones, i try to be fun, be funny, be kind, be engaging, be myself, be whatever. and frankly, i don't think i understand what more you're wanting from me. i respond to a majority of comments on my posts! i sort of pride myself with how often i interact with people on here despite my busy life! if you're in my notifs often, there's probably already a decent chance i enjoy seeing you pop up, and enjoy responding to you, and enjoy engaging with you, and probably even consider you a friend if we speak often in comments, etc.

it's really hard to tell exactly what you're wanting me to do based off of this very vague ask, but if you're like, wanting to dm with me or something i'm sorry. i'm like the worst person ever when it comes to dms. i work 10 hour shifts. i have family to take care of, a mortgage to pay for etc etc. ask any of my moots, i literally never dm. i leave people on read quite often because i'm just so bad at it. i'm busy all the time and it gets overwhelming. so if you've got some sort of fomo going on that i'm part of something more than just my silly posts or anything, i promise you there's nothing you're missing out on.

which is why i stick to comments. replying to stuff. mainly engaging on posts. answering asks. etc. i'm literally giving everyone all the energy i have to give already. on top of writing!!!!

and this is going to sound really cunty, but also realize that just because you interact with someone, that doesn't mean they owe you anything. and this doesn't just go for me, but literally everyone on this site. they don't owe you a reply, or a thank you, or a comment, or anything. and that sucks but that's literally how life works. not everything is a series of transactions. everyone has their reasons that dictate why they may or may not respond or initiate what you want from them. but that's what this asks feels like. wanting something from me. wanting more than what i've been giving. wanting something i mentally, and emotionally can't provide given my circumstances.

i literally love everyone who positively interacts with me, so this feels like a punch to the gut, knowing someone thinks that i'm not doing enough by not catering to some very vague and impossible to know need. i'm not a mind reader!

sorry if this sounded short, but i'm wanting to make my boundaries very clear here. i am so so grateful for everyone who interacts with my stuff, and i show my love by responding as best as i can. most of my friendships on this site are formed by interactions that way. asking anything more from me is something i simply cannot give you.

also, anon asks will be turned off AGAIN after i post this because just on the off chance this is not received well, i'm not opening myself up to anon hate lmao.

#core responds #writeblr #please i am tired #i just wanna write my stupid stories and interact about our silly blorbos in comments/rbs #idk what more i can do to make y'all happy

[poisonlove]

a

yes yes yes please a part 2 is what i need it doesn't even have to be happy it can be harrowing again I just need to know how Y/n is going to get over this, if Vada regretted it, I want to know EVERYTHING I'm not going to lie I want vada to suffer :)

Tears… of happiness?| v.c

part. 2

Three months later

I was at my house, preparing dinner with Sofia, a girl I was getting to know better, when suddenly I received a call from Amelia, Vada's sister. —I'm sorry, Sofia— I say with an embarrassed smile as my phone starts ringing. —I need to take this call.— Sofia smiles understandingly.

—No problem, go ahead. I'll be here when you get back.— I get up from the table and make my way to a quieter corner.

—Hello?— I answer the call with a gentle smile, trying to hide the agitation that's already starting to creep in.

—Hi, t/n. I'm sorry for calling you so late. I needed you to know something.— Amelia's voice is filled with a mix of emotions.

I listen attentively as Amelia tells me about Vada's situation and how she's recently come out of a detox center. As her words fill the air, I feel a weight lifting from my chest.

Finally, Vada's total disappearance makes sense.

—I really appreciate you calling me to let me know—I tell her sincerely. —I had no idea about any of this, but I'm glad to hear that she's trying to improve.— Amelia sounds relieved.

—I'm glad you're taking the news well. I know you two were close, and... I just wanted you to know.— After hanging up the call, I feel as though a knot has been untied. I return to the table with Sofia, who smiles kindly at me.

—Everything okay?— she asks.

—Now it is— I reply, feeling a sense of release. —Thank you for understanding—I say with a shy smile.

Deep inside my heart, a small flame of hope ignites. The news that Vada has come out of a detox center has shaken the foundations of my emotions. In an instant, my mind is torn between the hurricane of conflicting feelings: concern for her, fear for what she's been through, and that small but powerful hope that maybe, just maybe, all of this could be a step toward the change that we both needed. I find myself reflecting on every word spoken and unspoken, on shared moments and ones left hanging. The possibility that Vada took this step for herself, and perhaps even for us, starts to take shape in my mind. Maybe our bond wasn't completely severed. Maybe, somehow, there's still an invisible thread keeping us connected.

—Who was that?—Sofia asks curiously. Sofia's sudden question pulls my attention away from my thoughts.

—It was just a friend— I reply with a light smile, trying to keep my tone casual. —Anyway, where were we?— Sofia seems to accept my answer without further questions, and we return to our previous conversation. We continue discussing various topics, but my mind is still occupied by the news I've just received.

—It really was a nice evening— Sofia says with a smile, looking into my eyes. —Do you... want me to stay?— She adds a hint of playfulness.

I nervously chuckle and shake my head slightly. —Thank you, but I think it's better if you don't stay— I reply, walking her to the door.

Before I can realize it, Sofia kisses me. It's an unexpected moment that catches me off guard. My heart races as I try to process what just happened. After the kiss, we lock eyes for a moment, emotions swirling within me between surprise and confusion.

—So... see you at school tomorrow...—Sofia mumbles shyly, her cheeks flushed as she looks down at the floor and fiddles with her fingers. —Yeah... see you tomorrow— I respond, still feeling the lingering sensation of Sofia's lips on mine.

The girl gives me a timid smile before turning and walking out of the building. Closing the door behind her, I find myself thinking about how strange, yet oddly pleasant, this evening has been.

*** During the lunch break the next day, I feel even more nervous than usual. I engage in small talk with my friends, trying to maintain a normal conversation, but my mind is completely elsewhere. I feel the curious gazes of my friends on me, and I realize they're noticing my odd behavior.

—Hey, t/n, you seem a bit distracted today. Everything okay?— Alex, one of my closest friends, asks me. I try to smile and nod, even though I know my smile comes across as forced.

—Yeah, everything's fine. Just a bit tired, I guess—I reply. Sarah, another friend, laughs. —Maybe it's because of the math class this morning. That professor always manages to give us a headache!—

I chuckle too, trying to join in the conversation. But the truth is, my head is filled with thoughts about Vada and what I've discovered. I wish I could share everything with them, but it's such a delicate situation that I don't even know where to start.

While lost in my thoughts, I notice a figure in the distance. It's Vada. Suddenly, my heart races, and it feels as though the world has come to a standstill. Vada looks pale, but different. Different in the way she holds her head high and walks with more confidence. Beyond that, she looks healthier. Her brown eyes meet mine, and unconsciously, I smile.

It's an instinctive, unconscious smile. Everything I've felt in the past months seems to surface in that moment. All the doubts, hopes, and disappointments. As our gazes lock, I feel there's still a connection between us.

My emotions are in turmoil as I try to conceal how shaken I am by her presence. The past and the future blend in an instant, and I know I must find the courage to confront all of this.

(...)

Vada Pov's

I come to a halt, seeing t/n in the distance. I nervously fiddle with my backpack strap, trying to conceal my unease. I can't take my eyes off her, and I realize she looks more beautiful than ever.

It's as if time has turned every feature of hers into a work of art.

But as I look at her, my thoughts travel back in time. I remember why I entered that detox center after our breakup. I wanted to change, to become a better person. The days spent there were dreadful. The days dragged on unbearably slowly, and there was a darkness within me that seemed unwilling to leave. I battled against withdrawal, faced the ghosts of my past actions, and tried to understand what had happened.

Now, facing t/n, I feel a mix of emotions. Surprise, fear, and hope blend as her eyes meet mine. That moment seems to last a lifetime, and I wonder if t/n can see the changes I've made. I hope she can glimpse the determination I put into trying to improve.

Looking at her, I feel the weight of unsaid words, choices we've made, and wounds we've inflicted. I don't know what t/n thinks of me now, I don't know if there's room for forgiveness or something more. The decision is hers, and I feel a lump in my throat as I wait to see what she'll do. My mind is in turmoil, but I try to hold onto my desire to redeem the past.

I feel the eyes of many curious students on me, and I hear whispered comments like "shame on you." The tension in the air is palpable, and I realize how suddenly I've become the center of attention. Everything seems to happen in a blur, but then someone passes by me, heading toward t/n. Suddenly, everyone's attention is captivated by this figure.

—No... look at me...— I murmur sadly, trying to convey how important it is.

Tears well up at the corners of my eyes, and the pain I've felt all these months rushes back. I watch as this girl kisses t/n, and the sound of whistles and applause from her friends fills the air. It's as if the world is spinning too fast, and all I can do is stare at that scene before me.

My heart shatters even more as reality hits me full force. All the mistakes, gaps, and missed moments seem encapsulated in that kiss. All my hopes and desires dissolve into the air, as I try to contain the pain welling up within me. It's an overwhelming feeling, and I feel vulnerable and betrayed, even though I know I have no right to feel that way.

The scene unfolds before me like a blurry dream. Laughter, applause, and the kiss merge into a whirlwind of emotions. Then, as I try to confront it all, I feel a hand on my shoulder. I turn and see Nick, an old friend, looking at me with a concerned expression.

—Vada, are you okay?— he asks gently, trying to understand what's happening.

Tears start to fall uncontrollably, without me being able to stop them. My heart crumbles as I try to contain the sobs rising from my chest. —Nick... everything... it's just so hard...— I stammer, unable to put my pain into words.

He wraps me in a protective hug, trying to comfort me. —Shh, it's okay. It'll be okay, alright? You're strong.—

But the words of comfort don't seem to be enough. The pain I've kept hidden for so long is now out of control. The wounds of the past, the struggle in the detox center, and now this scene before my eyes merge into a flood of emotions I can't contain. Tears flow incessantly, making even breathing difficult.

Nick tries to support me, but I feel like I'm in freefall. Everything I've tried to overcome seems to resurface at this moment. I feel vulnerable and shattered, as if all my defenses have crumbled. I keep crying, trying to release the weight I've carried with me.

—Let's go somewhere else, okay?— Nick suggests gently, trying to lead me away from the tumultuous scene.

I wipe my eyes and nod, allowing him to guide me as we move away slowly. Every step seems to require an immense effort, but I cling to the help Nick is offering me.

As we walk, someone approaches us. A boy with red eyes and a strange smile on his face. His gaze seems to wander to some undefined point as he approaches. Then, with a distracted gesture, he pulls something out of his pocket and offers it to me.

—Hey, you don't look too happy... want some?—he says, his voice sounding distant and muffled.

My eyes fixate on that offer, and for a moment, I feel the urge to take it. All the emotions I've felt, the pain, the confusion, seem to converge in that moment. But deep within me, I feel a small flame of willpower still burning.

I look into the distance, trying to find that determination that led me to take a step forward. I think of t/n, of the shared tears and smiles. I think of how difficult it has been, but also how meaningful. And I think of myself, the person I'm striving to become.

Taking a deep breath, I look the boy in the eyes and firmly say, —No, thank you.—

The boy seems surprised for a moment, then nods with a strange smile and walks away. Uttering those words gives me a sense of triumph, as if I've overcome an important challenge.

Nick looks at me with an encouraging smile. —Well done, Vada. I'm proud of you.—

I don't know what the future holds, but I know I still have a lot to face. I hold onto that small flame within me and to those who are close to me, ready to confront whatever comes.

***

That evening, Nick organizes a private party with his closest friends to celebrate my return. I find myself at Nick's house ahead of time as the final preparations are being completed. I'm a bit nervous, but also grateful for the opportunity to spend time with loved ones.

Nick approaches me with a smile, and I greet him with a nod. —You've done a great job with this party—I say, admiring the cheerful atmosphere he has created.

—Thanks! I'm glad you're here—Nick responds, glancing at the crowd of friends around us. —I was wondering, could you help me bring the beers to the kitchen and set up some snacks?—

—Of course— I reply with a smile. We grab some beers from the table and head to the kitchen, joking that it looks like they've got enough for an entire month. As we arrange the trays of snacks, we exchange knowing smiles. —I hope there's enough food for everyone—Nick says, laughing.

—Well, considering how many friends you've invited, we might need to make a second trip to the supermarket— I respond, laughing along.

The doorbell rings, and Nick turns to me kindly. —Vada, could you please go answer the door?—

I accept with a nod and make my way to the entrance. As I open the door, my heart beats faster. But when t/n's eyes meet mine, my smile fades, replaced by a mixture of conflicting emotions.

I timidly glance at t/n, trying to control my unease. T/n looks so stunning, wearing an outfit that makes her shine. She's wearing a simple sweatshirt paired with a light jacket of the same color. Her hair is neatly styled and seems to capture the light in a magical way.

For a moment, I feel a bit intimidated and insecure. Yet, there's something about her that makes me feel like anything is possible. I sense t/n's gaze on me and try to smile, even though it's a mix of nervousness and uncertainty.

—T/n... hi— I say with a slightly trembling voice, trying to hide how flustered I am.

—Hi, Vada— t/n responds with a gentle smile, and the sound of her voice resonates within me.

I realize there's still a lot to face and clarify between us, but in this moment, as we look at each other, I feel that there's still a bond that connects us. A bond that has never fully faded, despite everything.

T/n coughs softly, and I sense her discomfort as my gaze lingers. Suddenly aware of the situation, I realize the tension is palpable.

—Um... can I come in?— t/n asks timidly.

I react immediately, fully opening the door to let her in.

As t/n passes by me, I instinctively close my eyes. A shiver runs through me, and I catch a familiar scent that I've missed so much. Her presence is enveloping, bringing back memories of shared moments, sweet gestures, and heartfelt words.

I make an effort to contain the emotions welling up, striving to stay calm and composed. I don't want t/n to sense how unsettled her return has made me. I open my eyes as t/n enters, trying to offer a gentle smile. —Make yourself at home— I say, attempting to lighten the mood.

¤¤¤

As the evening goes on, I try to maintain a relaxed and friendly demeanor. It's strange and surreal to be here, in the same room as t/n after so much time. But at the same time, I feel that there's a new beginning in the air, an opportunity to confront the past and perhaps build something different for the future.

Gradually, the other friends start to arrive, filling the room with energy and joy. But when Edward asks about Mia, I notice t/n tensing slightly.

The atmosphere suddenly becomes tense, and I sense that there's something I'm not quite understanding.

—Hey, guys, where's Mia?—Edward asks, looking around.

Nick grimaces. —Oh, Mia is out of town right now.—

However, I notice that t/n's smile seems forced, and a sense of unease continues to linger in the air. I keep chatting with friends, trying to maintain the party's lightheartedness, but at the same time, I can't help but feel that tension that doesn't seem to dissipate. While friends laugh and joke, my gaze occasionally meets t/n's, trying to read her expressions and understand what she's feeling in this delicate moment.

—How about playing 7 minutes in heaven?— Nick suggests, trying to change the subject.

As friends enthusiastically embrace the idea, Nick hands me the bottle, saying that since I'm the guest of honor, I should start. I take the bottle with a nervous smile, trying to hide my unease. I spin it, and my heart races as the bottle continues to spin, again and again. All eyes are on me, and I feel every moment growing more intense.

My heart seems to stop when the bottle finally comes to a halt. I look, and for a moment, the world seems to slow down as I see that t/n is the person the bottle points to.

I feel as if everything has come to a halt, and my stomach tightens as I wait to see t/n's reaction. T/n takes a sip of whiskey, and the tension in the air seems to grow even stronger. Then, without saying a word, she abruptly stands up from the floor. —Come on, let's go— she mutters before walking determinedly toward a closet.

Her voice is filled with emotions, and I can sense her uncertainty and her willingness to leave that situation behind. I suddenly feel a bit out of place as t/n walks away, but hesitantly, I decide to follow her. I try to understand what she's thinking, but her words are cryptic, and I don't know what to expect.

—Have fun— Nick murmurs, and amid the laughter of friends, he closes the closet door after both t/n and I enter.

I feel my heart pounding, and the tension in the air seems palpable. As the door closes, I find myself suddenly alone with t/n, and I don't know what to say or do. I look around in the darkness of the closet, trying to keep calm despite the agitation I feel. My breathing quickens as I wait to see what will happen after this unexpected moment. I don't know what to expect, but one thing is certain: fate has put us in an unexpected position, and now we have to face it together.

🍾🚪

T/n sighs —How are you, Vada?— Her voice reaches me, and I sense genuine concern in her words. With a bit of nervousness, I reply: —I'm fine, thank you.— A brief silence falls between us, and then, suddenly, I find the courage to ask: —And your girlfriend? How is she?— The question comes out of my mouth almost instinctively, but now that I've said it, I feel my heart racing. I don't know what to expect from her answer, but I feel it's important to confront the reality of what has happened during our time apart. I wait, trying to meet t/n's gaze in the darkness, as the words that have been spoken hang in the air between us. I don't know what will happen after this conversation, but I know we need to face it if we truly want to understand what has changed and if there's room for a new beginning.

T/n sighs in the darkness —We're just getting to know each other; we're not together.— Her words reach me, and a strange feeling of relief starts to creep in. But that feeling is soon overshadowed by jealousy when I hear her bitter reply. —From the way she kissed you, it doesn't seem like that.— I retort with a hint of venom. The silence inside the closet seems to become even heavier, and I feel that tensions are soaring. What had started as an attempt to clarify things seems to have taken a different turn, and now we find ourselves in the midst of a confrontation charged with emotions. —It's not what it looks like,— t/n shoots back, her voice revealing a mix of irritation and frustration. —I don't want you jumping to the wrong conclusions.—

Yet, I can't help but sense a shadow of doubt in her tones. My jealousy seems to have caught her off guard, and now we're clashing in the dark, trying to figure out what's happening between us. —Vada, I don't think it's fair for you to...— But before she can finish speaking, I feel anger and frustration welling up within me, and I abruptly cut her off. —I don't even want to hear about your conquests,— I say firmly, trying to hold back the emotion that threatens to overflow into my words.

The words escape my mouth almost involuntarily, but once spoken, I don't retract anything I've said. I don't want to hear about t/n's escapades with other people, especially when there's so much to resolve between us. I feel vulnerable and hurt, and the idea that there might be someone else who could take my place hurts. T/n seems surprised by my words, but I don't take back any of it. I look around in the darkness of the closet, seeking some sign of understanding in her eyes. I don't know what will happen now, but I know it's important to set boundaries and expectations between us.

—Vada, I understand that you might feel that way,— t/n says, perhaps trying to calm me down. —But you have to understand that it's not what it seems. I don't want you...— Her response only fuels my anger, and I can't help but interrupt her again. —I don't care about what you want or don't want. I don't want to hear it,— I grit my teeth.

—What the hell has gotten into you, Vada?— she demands angrily. —First, you leave me... I try to be kind to you, and yet you treat me like this?— Her words hit me like a punch to the stomach, yet I can't hide my anger. I feel that the emotions within me are exploding, and I can't hold back the scream of pain that's about to escape my lips.

—When I needed you, you weren't there!— I mutter with a broken voice, as tears start to fill my eyes. Her words make me relive those dark moments when I was alone and desperately seeking a way out of my addiction. And the truth is, all I wanted back then was her. To hear her now, accusing me of not being there when she needed me, makes me feel even more vulnerable and shattered. T/n moves suddenly closer to me, and our breaths mix. I instinctively close my eyes due to the proximity, feeling her presence draw even nearer. Then I feel the palm of her hand slam against the wall behind me, the sound echoing in my ears like a wake-up call. Silence becomes heavy between us, and I feel almost lost in a storm of emotions. Her voice lowers even further.

—I was... I tried... but I was a terrible girlfriend after all, right?— Her words hit me straight in the heart, and I feel the weight of the truth behind them. I know there has been pain on both sides, and now I realize that maybe I haven't considered her side of the story enough. I'm lost for words, not knowing what to say to ease the situation. I feel like I'm at the center of an emotional storm, and the truth is emerging between us, raw and painful.

—I... I... I'm trying to be a better person...— I murmur weakly, trying to convey the sense of pain and regret I feel inside. My words seem to hang in the air like an appeal for understanding. I want t/n to know that I'm trying to face my demons and change, to become the person she deserved me to be. But my voice is barely a whisper, almost drowned out by the weight of the emotions I carry.

Our gazes meet, and I notice t/n seems taken aback by my words. Then, instinctively, my hand moves and lands on her chest. I'm not sure if I want to push her away or feel her even closer, but I sense her breath mingling with mine, and the contact seems to convey all the emotions I can't put into words. I try to find the right words, but my mind seems jammed, overwhelmed by the complexity of what I'm feeling. T/n looks at me, and our eyes communicate silently, conveying everything we can't express in words.

—If I went to that center, it was for you!— I mutter loudly, the words broken by the emotion and anger I feel inside me.

The scream in my words seems to fill the entire space, carrying with it all the emotions I've tried to contain for so long. I want t/n to know how hard it was for me, how willing I was to change and fight for us. But my voice gets caught in my throat, and I feel tears beginning to flow down my cheeks.

T/n leans even closer to me, and our noses barely touch. I feel her warm breath mixing with mine, and the close contact quickens the beating of my heart. I feel like I'm on the edge of an emotional precipice, teetering between anger, sadness, and hope. As t/n gets closer, I sense time slowing down around us. I realize that the 7 minutes of the game seem endless, and I'm nervous about what might happen between us during this time.

—Don't you think... it's too late, Vada?— she whispers just inches from my lips.

Before t/n can pull away, I feel the impulse to act. Without thinking too much, I wrap my arms around her neck, pulling her towards me with a needy intensity, and our lips meet. I want her close, as close as she hasn't been in so long, and the need to feel her against me seems to overpower everything else.

Our bodies draw near, and I feel the warmth of her breath against my skin. My mind seems to be overshadowed by everything except the sensation of t/n being so close. I feel like I've been waiting for this moment forever, as if all the accumulated emotions are converging into this kiss.

T/n emits a surprised sound, a muffled moan from the unexpectedness. But the kiss isn't immediately reciprocated, and I feel my heart pounding strongly in my chest. I don't know what to expect, but I know I don't want to pull away. I want t/n to feel the need I'm feeling, the passion and urgency of what we're sharing right now.

I cling to her with a mixture of desire and fear. I don't know what will happen after this kiss, whether t/n will respond to my desire or if we'll grow further apart. But in this moment, all that matters is our closeness and the possibility of reconnecting, even if only for an instant.

T/n timidly returns my kiss, and I feel my heart beating even stronger in my chest. It was a kiss laden with complex emotions, an attempt to grasp what we used to be and what we could still become. But before I can intensify the kiss, the door suddenly swings open.

We break apart suddenly, as if we've just received an electric shock. T/n leans in close to my ear, and I feel shivers running down my skin at the touch of her words. —We need to talk,— she whispers, her voice so thin and cold that I almost fear I imagined it.

The feeling of anguish grows within me, and I know there's something we must confront, something that's been waiting for us for far too long.

comments, please?

Sorry for this shit :)

#wednesday addams x reader #jenna ortega x reader #jenna ortega #jenna ortega x you #jenna ortega x y/n #jenna ortega x fem!reader #miércoles addams #wednesday x you #wednesday addams x you #vada x reader #vada cavell #vada cavell x reader

[shayyprasad]

weighing scale

tw: eating disorder (purging, not eating), bodyshaming, ed shaming

btw, if it's requested, i can turn drabbles into full oneshots!!!!!!!!!!!!!

you guys are beautiful the way you are, and nothing anybody ever says or does will ever change that. remember that gaining weight is totally normal, and you can always lose weight, too, but please, do it in a healthy way. if you ever need anyone to talk to, and this isn't just for eds, i'm here, and you can reach out. if not, there are people who care about you and love you.

you're amazing you beautiful mfs

(also i'm sorry if this might not be correct for you, everyone has different experiences with eds)

(also, also, i did 1st person ... and this is just the way i thought when i was going thru this so i kinda made it relate w/ me??)

100.

98.

96.

she watched as the numbers went down, satisfied despite the fact that it was only one pound less yesterday.

90.

88.

even if it meant that she'd always be cold, or that her hair would fall out. it was a small price to pay to be beautiful. to be skinny. to be like all the other girls that peter liked.

y/n kept telling herself that. and it was enough to keep her going.

{four weeks prior}

(first person)

they had little packets for us to take home, like forms. something along the lines of "annual health check-up." the form was just... well, it wasn't a form, really, but more of an opt-out. the paper said they'd just check weight, height, and some other things, like make sure you didn't have scoliosis.

honestly?

i was just happy to be missing a good chunk of math.

everyone got called down to the gym by period, and mine was 5th period, right before lunch.

our class was waiting for them to call us down, so mr. callen just let us do whatever until then. i glanced over to see liz, kayla, and chloe in the corner of the classroom, giggling and pointing towards some of the boys, and eventually, mr. callen.

he was one of the youngest members on faculty, fresh out of college. and i'll admit, he's not bad looking. in fact, he's hotter than most of the guys. and if it wasn't peter that had my heart, maybe i'd think about someone else.

not that the whole peter thing was going great anyways, he seemed interested in liz. so maybe that was my hint to move on. but i don't know. i've just liked him forever, it'd feel wrong to stop now.

i'm just really loyal, i guess.

or maybe this is some weird first love/crush thing, because no matter what, i keep finding myself coming back to him.

it took me second to realize that i'd been staring at the same spot for a while now, so i probably looked funny. i re-adjusted my position and looked at the clock, noting there there was just a few minutes until we'd have to go down.

i looked by at the girls, then at the teacher. did they not realize that he had an engagement ring on? or where they just dense?

because honestly, i'm having a hard time figuring out which one it is.

liz pushed chloe over to the desk, giggling like a manic.

chloe bit her lip, trying to hold in laughter. "hiiii, cal. you know, like, cupid's day is coming?"

me, personally, i didn't really believe in the whole dumb blonde thing, but chloe was changing my aspect on this.

cupid's day was on valentine's day, and you could pay a dollar to have a rose delivered to someone. normally, the freshmen girls did most of the planning. freshmen girls were annoying. they were always together, and i didn't remember a time i'd seen one alone.

i didn't get any on my first year here. last year i got three. but it didn't really count, because mj got me one and betty did. i was hoping that i'd figure out who the third person was, but three weeks into that investigation, i kinda gave up. if they hadn't revealed themselves to me at that point, i'd figured that they probably wouldn't.

maybe junior year will go better.

if you were popular popular, you got at least seven, so it was kind of embarrasing to only get one. and it was probably even more embarrasing to only have, like, one friend. which was betty. but she hadn't hung around me that often since she started dating ned.

mj was an observer, and i knew that much. it was probably the only reason she got me a rose, because she felt bad. but then again, anyone could see how pathetic it was.

peter and i used to be pretty close, but then he met ned, so the attention he gave me got halved.

i would have tried to be friends with ned, because i know he's really nice, but i stressed out too much about it for some reason and gave up. social anxiety, perhaps? it didn't matter, it was too late to do anything about it now.

after that, peter started hanging around liz and some of the other popular kids, and entirely forgot about me.

did forget about ned, though. maybe beacuse i was a girl, and so peter got called "gay" a lot for that. i didn't have much of a chance compared to liz, so i just admired him from afar. it's not that we didn't talk, because we did sometimes, but... actually, i don't know what.

if peter wanted to, he would have.

and it's fairly obvious, but i'm delusional and chose to ignore that.

the intercom snapped me out of whatever zoning out i'd gone back to, "block d, block d. i-is this on? oh, it is? i- yes, block d down to the gym."

everyone got up and pushed their way out the door, i didn't have that type of energy, so i just waited for everyone to get their butts outta the way and then went myself. i followed them down to the hall, staying behind a little. when i finally got over there, i ended up last, right behind chloe, kayla, then liz.

for the most part, it only took a minute or two for each person, so the line didn't take that long.

well, i suppose that's subjective.

it took 15 minutes, but whatever.

when liz was inside, she didn't take care to close the door all the way, leaving it a couple inches open. that's on her.

that's on her for being irresponsible, so it's not really my fault if i accidently hear. i leaned in a little, suddenly very interested in the wall, with all it's cracks... and... paint, and...

"and step on the scale, please... that is," she paused, and you could hear scribbling of a pen.

"121.3 pounds. perfectly healthy. that's actually the average weight for girls your age," another pause, "make sure to give this form to your parents. have a nice day."

liz said something in return and i stepped back, done admiring the wall. "next!" the lady called in.

i stepped inside the room, and it smelt strongly of hand-sanitizer. "okay, honey, step up against the wall... height is... alrightly. now the scale, please."

i did as she asked, keeping my eyes trained on the numbers.

149.7 pounds. basically 150. that was more than liz's, right?

"149, okay, you're good to go-"

"is that around average weight?" i asked, and it was impulsive, i didn't even think.

"well, it's somewhere around that. you're perfectly healthy."

the intercom came on again, signaling my time was over, and the lady thought the same thing, because she ushered me out.

as i walked back to the classroom, i couldn't help but think;

149? no, 150? around average? so basically, i was above average. 30 pounds heavier than liz? no wonder peter likes liz better.

god, that's disgusting. i'm disgusting.

i trudged back to class, unable to stop thinking about it. and suddenly, an idea popped into my mind; why not lose weight? if i lost a little, maybe peter would care about me again.

that's genius. god, i'm a genius.

yeah. i lose a little weight.

when i got back, he'd already started the lesson, not that i cared. i spent the rest of that class figuring out the kinks, like how many calories i'm allowed to eat per day.

i settled on 800.

it seemed like a decent number if i wanted to actually make an impact with weight loss.

stupid kale smoothies weren't gonna get me anywhere, nor idiotic influencer workout routines.

before i knew it, the bell rung and kids were hustling through the hallways. i was kind of on autopilot as i walked to lunch, not really watching where i was going. i'd by mistake shouldered some people, and they gave me dirty looks. i shot them right back.

i couldn't help but silently, in my mind, judge everyone's body that i saw. and not just their body, but other physical features, too. it was automatic, i didn't even mean to. but i couldn't help it.

she's really fat. the gym exists for a reason.

how is she so skinny? i know she's anorexic.

and it just went on and on.

i didn't know what was going on. why this mattered to me all of a sudden.

it was like i didn't notice these things before, i wasn't looking for them, but now that i knew they were there, i couldn't help it.

i couldn't help a lot of things.

when i walked into the lunchroom, i saw peter sitting by himself, writing on some piece of paper, and if i knew him, he wasn't doing the homework due tomorrow.

he was doing yesterday's.

it didn't seem like i'd be bothering him if i went to go talk to him, so that's what i did. i figured since we hadn't talked in while, it would be great to now.

and it'd be a great distraction, too.

i sat down across from him, "hi, peter."

he looked up slowly, a smile rising on his face. "uh, hey, y/n/n," peter paused, "what, um, what did you need?"

"huh? oh, i didn't need anything. just thought i'd come by and annoy the hell out of you."

"just like old times," peter snorted.

"math homework?"

"yep. i have math-"

"-next period," i realized my mistake after i made it. "um, 'cause i see you when i'm walking to class."

in repsonse, he nodded like he was considering it.

i didn't notice i was hungry until my stomach growled, but something inside of me made the thought of getting food and eating it repulsive. i hesitated before grabbing on of peter's fries and popping it in my mouth. he didn't say anything, or really even care, and i didn't know if i liked that or not.

"okay. you have chem next, yeah?"

i blushed at the fact he knew.

"uh, yep," i snagged some more fries, feeling myself loosen up.

and then i realized, that's what this was; i was just in need of some time with actual people who weren't my parents.

i liked this. i liked talking to peter. it was easy. this was easy.

we laughed about some other things, like flash's new donkey haircut.

and i stole more fries. ned, betty, and mj (who normally sat two seats away) came over. the topic of cupid's day came up.

"how many do you think you'll get?" betty asked.

i looked up, "roses?"

"uh-huh."

ned spoke up, "you won't need to worry, bet, i'll get you a whole bouquet." he looked proud of himself.

"i'm not worried," she giggled, like the lovesick fool she was. it was gross. and yes i admit, it was slightly because i was jealous, but whatever. betty didn't have to act so idiotic and desperate.

betty's skinny, too.

"what about you, y/n?" peter said, locking eyes with me.

"i dunno. i never really get any."

something changed in peter's expression, but as soon as it was there, it was gone.

i took another fry. they were really good, for some reason.

"fattie," peter laughed, pulling his lunch tray back, "and then you complain about not getting roses!"

that caused a round of laughs in the small group, but my heart dropped to my feet.

i was right. i was overweight. even peter noticed.

freaking peter noticed.

god, i was ugly and fat, and even peter saw that.

of course he liked liz. he'd be crazy not to. she was curvy and skinny and petite and pretty and skinny.

she was skinny.

i didn't have her hourglass figure.

never did i ever want out of my own skin more.

"y/n?" pete frowned. "i-i'm sorry, it was a joke, i didn't-"

"no, no, not that. i, uh, i... forgot i was supposed to meet with a teacher. sorry. i have to go."

i didn't go to any teachers.

i did go to the bathroom.

and i hid in the handicapped stall. i didn't cry, or sob, or weep or whatever it was stupid girls did in hallmark movies or stuff.

i stood in front of the mirror and picked out everything i hated, making a mental list in my head.

i didn't finish that list, not even after 30 minutes when the bell rung.

-

the rest of the day flew by rather quickly, it seemed. i felt like i was trapped in a warm haze, but not the fuzzy, happy warmth. i didn't like the way i was thinking. it's like i wanted my brain to turn off, these intruding, ugly thoughts were taking up too much room.

i felt icky.

when i got home, i didn't have my normal after-school snack like i usually did. i went straight upstairs and did homework.

i finished two essays (one that wasn't due until two weeks, and one that was due two days from now), my math homework and studied for my math test, started my science project, and did my french flashcards (and studied them a bit).

i must have been locked in my room for hours, because by the time i got up, it was dark outside.

i wasn't a studious person, and the only reason i did any of this was to forget for a little while. to snap out of it. and for a while, it worked.

"y/n, honey!" my mom screamed from downstairs, and as i glanced at the clock, i realized it was time to have dinner.

but i wasn't hungry.

well, i was.

let me rephrase that; i didn't want to eat.

however, i didn't want my mother yelling at me, so i went down anyways. not that i was planning to eat.

"mom?"

"oh, hey. i already set the table, you seemed like you were working hard and i didn't wanna bother you. dad's working late. go sit down-"

"not hungry."

she frowned. "well, you have to eat something."

"but i'm not hungry," i said, hating how sharply it came out.

my mom gave me warning look. "look, i've had a long day, so don't start with me."

"mommmm," i whined.

"sit."

so i did. i felt bad about bothering her.

i ate. small, tentative bites, forcing it all down. we didn't talk.

silently, i put my dish in the sink, before heading upstairs. the food sat at the bottom of my stomach, like a pile of heavy rocks. i wanted them out.

so i turned on the shower and locked the bathroom door, kneeling in front of the toilet. i pressed my fingers to the back of my throat and kept them there for a second. at first, all i got was bile.

but then i threw up.

-

peter and i started talking more again. i think he got in a fight with liz.

i asked him if they were dating, and he said no.

i think he started hanging out with me again because i got skinny. i know for a fact that i'm skinnier than liz. i weigh less then her now.

the numbers told me that.

but i didn't listen.

i didn't stop, and how could i? when i'd gotten this far?

-

we got in a fight. not the yelling kind, though. well, kind of. i yelled a bit.

i thought he was complimenting me. he said i looked skinny, so i thanked him.

"no... i-" he paused, trying to get his thoughts together, "you look skinny, yes, but not in a good way."

"what? what do you mean? like, there's only a good way," i laughed, slightly nervous.

peter ingnored that. "have you been eating enough, angel?" his voice was soft, but there was worry in it. why was he worried? this is the best i've ever been.

"do you ask liz that, too?"

"i- what?"

"liz is skinny. you don't ask her that."

"that- that is different. y-you haven't been eating, have you? is-"

"god, parker! stop! it's none of your business!" maybe if i hadn't been so flustered, i'd have come up with a better comeback.

-

i was hunched over the toilet, but nothing was coming out. everything hurt.

my head. my stomach.

my throat was scratchy and raw.

i didn't hear the knocking on the door.

i don't really remember peter coming in. i thought i locked it. what was he doing at my house? i couldn't remember.

i wanted to sleep.

i think i was crying. i don't know. i only vaguely remember the hot tears.

i slightly remember him pulling me away from the toilet and into his arms. there were lots of holes in my memory for that day.

he stayed with me, though. one thing i'm sure about is that peter never left my side. i can recall bright lights. tubes. i was laying on something. white walls. white sheets.

what was engraved into my head was peter whispering "i love you" over and over again. in the bathroom. in the car. was it a car? as they hooked me up to cables.

all that mattered, though, was that i was skinny now. just the thought made me feel light and airy.

to think that all it took was a little motivation and a weighing scale.

#reader discretion advised #tw ed #tom holland x reader #spiderman #tom holland #peter parker #peter parker x you

[thechekhov]

If I may, what’s your biggest regret/joy from making this series into what it is? I hate the AUs that are just “The show but everything is exactly the same minus slight differences that don’t amount to anything” so your comic has a deep place in my heart :)

That's an interesting question!

(Though I AM personally fond of AU stories with more fundamental change, I don't particularly feel like the hate towards those 'change a minor thing' AUs is justified. There are many ways those stories can be very engaging! They're different for sure, but they, too, have value!)

I think my biggest joy has been the fact that I'm able to continue the comic.

It's my largest project by far and I've had a lot of growth because of it! Drawing over 200 episodes that's kinda inevitable but regardless, I'm grateful for the circumstances which have allowed me to keep it going. For the readers, for the luck I've had in my job, and for my partner's support!

My biggest regret is.... honestly nothing?

I could say I regret not taking this comic more seriously from the beginning.... but it was the casual nature of Season 1 that allowed me to keep it running in the first place! If I had been trying for season 3-4 art from the beginning, I would have probably burned out and quit much earlier!

I could say I regret small changes here and there, but again - all my previous decisions have made the comic into what it is today! All my choices have compounded into the story's current arc.

What I DO regret is...... because I now have to juggle my IRL job and my comic and GMing, I have very little time for anything else.

I also regret that this workload makes me an even grumpier person than I am naturally, and sometimes I just don't have the patience to present myself in a PR-positive light. I grow frustrated with readers who assume I have more time than I do, and I get annoyed by those who expect me to perform customer service work and answer questions (which are in the FAQ). I know it isn't their fault, and I KNOW I should appreciate their curiosity... but being tired all the time means I sometimes cannot react reasonably to answering the same question 100 times.

And it's hard! It's hard to have to be the 'face' of a comic and be expected to interact with everyone with an everlasting smile, even when I'm bone tired. I'm not even a social person by nature! I don't want to be a public figure. I don't need people to idolize me. I just wanna draw.

But that's less of a comic regret and more just a general regret of not realizing that this is a part of my 'job' now.

I wish all the other artists that use tumblr or twitter or any of those other sites a very 'you do NOT have to wear the Social Media Personality hat'.

anyway............the point is............ it's mostly joy! No real regrets about the comic itself.

#chekhov answers #steven universe #white diamond steven #ask white pearl and steven #wdau

[hitomisuzuya]

Scaramouche x fem!reader. Smut. Oral sex in an alleyway. Degradation. Forced love confession. Alcohol use

a/n: I...I lied 😂 Someone I know is gonna find me and force me to sleep. But anyways, @xxventiswindblumexx stirred my brain to life again after I read their delicious Scara smut earlier. It was chef's kiss amazing. I borrowed a little inspiration from it, so some credit goes to them. I hope you don't mind, dear. There is a really dumb joke in this. 😭 I'm only making fun of myself with it.

You were out drinking at a tavern to celebrate another mission complete ahead of schedule. You were engaged in a playful drinking game with Childe. Scaramouche watched you quietly.

"Ha!" You exclaimed, wiping your mouth and smacking your glass onto the table. "You can admit defeat, Childe. It's fine. I won't laugh at you," you slurred slightly, giggling, "much." You added with a smirk.

Childe threw up his hands in defeat. "Okay, girlie. I know when I have been beat. I know you aren't a lightweight. By the way," he said, handing you a folded piece of paper. "Here is the new safe house codes. They reset today, remember."

"Oh, thanks," you took the piece of paper, and unfolded it to read. It said YMCA. You squinted, "Wait...this isn't enough letters, the code is usually four letters..ohh.."

So maybe you were drunker than you thought.

You crumbled up the piece of paper and put it in your pocket, a flush of embarrassment coating your cheeks. "...Whatever, thanks. I need some air," you grumbled, stumbling a little as you moved around Childe.

"Awwww come on, don't go," Childe.slurred, trying to pull you into his lap, "I didn't laugh at you even though the look on your face was hilarious."

"Stop, Childeeeee. I like someone else, remember?" You danced away from his hands.

Scaramouche narrowed his eyes. What you'd just said, that you liked someone made him curious. Romantically? Who was it?!

You'd followed him around like a puppy for months. The first time he told you fuck off and leave him alone, you only cocked your head, and flashed him that stupid gentle smile and said, "Hush, I know you don't mean that. You've been letting me sit with you for hours now. We've been sitting here in a companionable silence for awhile now and I swear I saw you nodding off. You feel comfortable around me, admit it."

He didn't. For months he treated you with the same contempt he would anyone else. But on the inside, you were starting to make him feel things he didn't think were possible. You made his chest tighten like he had a human heart. Once you started saying those kinds of things to him, he eventually silently accepted it and stopped calling you a pest.

Scaramouche remembered the first time he took a lock of your hair between his fingers. "Pretty.." he murmured in a moment of rare weakness. You'd looked away, blushing, "But..your hair color is much prettier than mine..who even likes blondes anyways...we are kind of dumb sometimes..."

He remembered bringing the lock of hair to brush against his lips, he eyes wide with anger at himself for showing weakness in front of a pest like you. He'd ordered you harshly to leave his sight moments after.

When you left the tavern, Scaramouche got up, and headed towards Childe. "Next time you do that, I'll break all of your fingers," he said, serious with his intent.

"Don't worry, I get it," Childe said, "But you know, if you aren't careful, someone else might get there before you." He sounded no longer inebriated. "You are more obvious than you think. At least to me you are."

Scaramouche glared, offended. He brushed off Childe's comment and followed after you out of the tavern. He found you across the street in an alley, resting your head against the wall, your eyes closed as you breathed in the chilly night air.

"Who is it?" The question spilled from his mouth.

"Huh? Oh, Scara, it's you. My equilibrium is a little off, so I couldn't hear you all that well," you replied, massaging the bridge of your nose.

"I said who is it!?" He snapped, smacking a hand on the wall next to your head. He knew it wouldn't take much for you spill who it was.

"Eek, alright, I'll tell you, just gimme some space would you?" You pushed your hand gently against his chest.

He crossed his arms, waiting and glaring.

"You caught me, Scara," you said, blushing as you traced the toe of your shoe through some dirt. "It's you that I like, okay? You don't have to scream at me about it. I would do anything for you."

Scaramouche regarded you coldly for a long moment, making you fidget nervously. "Okay, I'm gonna go, forget this ever happened." You waved at him as you turned to leave. And there it was, that stupid gentle smile of yours.

"Prove it!" he barked forcefully.

"What?" You had to make sure you'd heard him correctly.

"Did I stutter, slut? I said prove it. Prove that you would anything for me. Get down on your knees and prove it!" he was taking the anger and frustration he felt inside himself out on you. "What are you waiting for? Your mouth practically begs me to ruin your throat with my cock everytime you smile in that stupid way."

You stumbled forward, your body moving without thinking and did as he asked. "You just keep those annoying, pretty eyes on me."

Again, you did as you were told. You pumped your hand on his cock once you took it out of his shorts. He groaned when you swirled your tongue around the tip. Taking hold of your fine hair, the color that bewitched him so suddenly, he curled the ends around his fingers a few times, before gripping it tightly.

He thrust harshly into your mouth, making you gag before you started breathing through your nose. "Archons, you are really proving that you are a slut for me. I think deep down, I always knew," he panted quietly as your throat convulsed around his cock.

You tasted precum in the back of your throat. You mewled, never once breaking the tight suction of your mouth on his cock while you sucked, flattening your tongue against the veins that bulged to the surface.

"Fuck you are good at this," he hissed, moving your head to bob as you greedily sucked. "I should've ordered you on your knees a long time ago." When he felt himself about to fill your throat, he pressed your mouth all the way down on his cock. "Now drool and deep throat me like your depends on it. It's not like you haven't thought about doing this since we first met."

He held your head in place as he cummed. You coughed, drool spilling from your mouth onto his thighs as you swallowed, your fingers pawing against his shorts. He yanked you to your feet. Your eyes were hazy with adoration only for him.

"Get up and wipe your mouth. Let's go, it's cold out here and I'm not finished with you yet."

a/n: Whew. Goodnight, everyone. I'm sorry if this was too much. Scaramouche really brings out the absolute worst of me.

#genshin impact #genshin smut #fem!reader #genshin imagines #scaramouche #scaramouche smut #scaramouche x y/n #scaramouche x you #scaramouche x reader

[vickyvicarious]

I went on to make a thorough examination of the various stairs and passages, and to try the doors that opened from them. One or two small rooms near the hall were open, but there was nothing to see in them except old furniture, dusty with age and moth-eaten. At last, however, I found one door at the top of the stairway which, though it seemed to be locked, gave a little under pressure. I tried it harder, and found that it was not really locked, but that the resistance came from the fact that the hinges had fallen somewhat, and the heavy door rested on the floor. Here was an opportunity which I might not have again, so I exerted myself, and with many efforts forced it back so that I could enter. I was now in a wing of the castle further to the right than the rooms I knew and a storey lower down.

Speculation time: why is this door not locked?

I think there are two main options. In the past I just assumed it was the first one, but now I'm a bit more open to considering the second, which changes the tone of what comes next a bit.

Dracula didn't think he needed to lock it.

First consideration: this is a ways away from Jonathan's rooms and the ones he usually has access to. It's possible that Dracula was less careful about locking away different doors in further reaches of the castle. After all, there are a few other rooms in the hall that are open but don't really have anything to hide. Going along with that consideration, the fact that the door itself was heavy and had fallen on the floor so seemed locked at first, may have been all the justification he needed. It's possible that he didn't think Jonathan would have been able to open the door anyway, so there was no need to bother installing a new lock on a broken door.

If this is the case, then his warning to Jonathan about not sleeping outside of his own bedroom may well have been entirely genuine. Dracula has decided that he wants to keep his solicitor around a while longer, and so he gave him a warning which should ensure he actually stays alive to toy with. He's genuinely surprised and angry to find Jonathan about to be fed upon when he returns.

Dracula knew it could be opened.

While the door is heavy and is stuck, it's not impossible to move. Perhaps Dracula knew that. This year, I have noticed that a couple of the moments where Dracula tells Jonathan not to do something can almost be taken as a challenge. It could match the way he is constantly pushing boundaries in other ways as well - verbally, physically, what-have-you - he is trying to press and find Jonathan's breaking point. So far, Jonathan has just kept bending, and in doing so has avoided snapping (and getting immediately killed). The fact that he obviously knows what is going on but goes along with it anyway is super fun for Dracula, and possibly a big part of the reason he is still alive/his stay has been extended.

But something else Jonathan has done - and will continue to do - is to resist where he can. He doesn't confront Dracula directly but he does sneak around and spy on him. He doesn't mention the many doors being locked including the front door, but he did run around and check a bunch of them. I talked about both the locked doors and the warning about sleep as bait the other day, so I won't rehash all of it... but if it was meant as bait that points to a couple key differences.

Firstly, that Dracula could still be testing Jonathan's limits where he isn't involved. Perhaps it isn't just the way Jonathan reacts to him in person that is so fun for him, but also the way he's always pushing limits in his own way. He takes cues and tries stuff! He keeps Dracula on his toes! It might be just interesting/engaging enough to be fun without being annoying (like any sign that he could actually succeed in escaping/any direct confrontation would be). In that view, Dracula might enjoy dropping hints that give Jonathan what looks like chances to learn things or escape, but which in his opinion won't get him anywhere. The fact that he is able to manipulate Jonathan's behavior with these type of comments could also be a part of the fun, extending his feeling of control over him even through Jonathan trying to resist it.

Of course, this means that Dracula was willing to take a chance that Jonathan would get drunk from first by his roommates, which is the second big difference. There's a couple options there as well: he may have been okay with it since they don't tend to kill immediately (at least until he saw it about to happen and then got more possessive than he'd expected to, and became genuinely angry). He may have wanted to test if Jonathan would ignore his advice but didn't expect him to make progress so quickly (perhaps expecting him to sleep in a different room like the library or hall if he slept anywhere outside his bedroom). This second option could overlap with the first bullet point too actually, where the warning was still meant as bait but Jonathan took way more of the bait than Dracula expected, and he wasn't actually supposed to get access to this room yet/ever. The only downside there is that every other time Jonathan disobeys Dracula he is faced with near-immediate negative consequences to 'punish' him. The ladies serve that purpose very well here, and if Jonathan was supposed to disobey but not meant to meet them, it makes me wonder what the consequence would have been supposed to be.

Still, I do kind of like that last option, because it fits with a recurring theme where Dracula enjoys toying with Jonathan... not realizing that the act of doing so is directly giving Jonathan the tools and information he uses to later defeat him (also contributing to big reversals/exchanged traits between them as Jonathan learns way more than expected). This repeats with Mina as well in a big way, when him establishing a mental connection allows her to spy right back on him. Perhaps Dracula is having fun right now watching Jonathan follow various bread crumbs of hints and try to figure things out and try new ways of escaping, all of which are doomed to failure. But, and this is later exemplified by his diary full of information which he manages to keep despite Dracula stealing all his other things, Jonathan is both accomplishing and learning more than Dracula expects or realizes at every turn. And all of it will eventually be turned against him.

#dracula daily #count dracula #dracula daily spoilers #spoilers in this post and massive spoilers in the various links as well #i'm not sold on any of these. i think they all work and have interesting ramifications #dracula meta #my meta

[dragongirltongue]

New Pinned post <3

Hi there, the name is Zelda, or one of like, 20 other names that may or may not be listed somewhere around here. If you know a name I go by that isn't findable here don't use it. <3

I'm bigender which is made up of girl and fem6oy, as such I use she/her and sometimes he/him pronouns when I'm feeling fem6oy enough <3

I'm in my 30s, not getting more specific than that until I decide it's not true enough to change it, don't try to find my exact age as I don't like sharing that information publicly, I don't even update it on my birthday <3

I'm a polyamorous bisexual voraphile freak and if you're over 18 you're welcome to talk to me about how much of a freak I am. I love to flirt and encourage it. Also happy to share my Other Blog with anyone interested, again as long as you're of age. <3

I'm a film graduate and currently working on doing something with that experience as well as working on a superhero comic and a 2D zelda style game. Feel free to bug me about any of those I love to discuss writing and media and want to encourage media literacy. <3

I'm also an ex-jehovahs witness and as a result I'm hugely into the holiday season in a very against my old god kinda way. Also big into sinning <3

Also I'm like, a dragon in probably an otherkin/thetadelta kinda way, like, it's core to who I am and how I understand myself so yeah. Despite this my fursona is a fox, the dragon in my icon is literally me <3

I also draw sometimes and when I do it'll be posted to @dragongirldrawings but always reblogged here too.

Also I'm a member of a plural system, feel free to check out the rest of the system over here @haven-sys <3

Further on the identity weirdness I'm an imaginary friend for the person who used to inhabit this body, they've been gone for like, over 20 years so it's not really relevant but I have started embracing my nature as a fictional creation, it's comforting.

So yeah that's me, hiii I love you all <3

this post is specifically a6out tum6lr user Zelda dragongirltongue

DNI list under the read more.

lmao imagine if I actually made one of those finally, that's how you'd know I've been replaced with an evil clone or something.

That being said if you're looking at my blog to send me an ask or dm about what someone gets off to please understand unless they're actively hurting someone I rly don't care. I have a lot of ignored and blocked anons about this.

This goes double if the person you're trying to alert me to is trans femme, we don't play that game here, especially given that I know I've been targetted for things as simple as engaging in vore the wrong way for some people or whatever.

Like, I just want to make it clear I rly don't give a fuck what another adult does in the bedroom, I rly don't care if the bedroom happens to include their blog and I rly don't care if they like to flirt about it with other adults on this website.

Also if your pinned post is a callout for anyone about anything it's likely to set off my paranoia around you, which is to say I will not be able to trust you if this is the case even if it's for someone who's actually a danger to a community, like, actively.

Like, this ain't a moral stance or anything, it's a mental health thing. I see that you want to make your first point of contact into a crosshair on someone else I'm gonna be scared you're gonna aim at me next even if it's completely reasonable that you'd never find anything objectionable with me. It scares me and I'm gonna spend every interaction walking on egg shells around you cos what if you're digging for dirt, like, I got no way of knowing.

Anyway as the opening joke implies I don't see any worth in having a list of things to not interact with me over cos the lived experience on this planet is so full of nuance and I've formed deem friendships with people who'd probably have avoided me if I had a DNI and they cared about it.

I think DNIs are dumb but this feels like a space to talk about some general limits on what I'm gonna put up with on this website. I'm just here for a good time with other freaks, anything else is optional. If you want to drag me into your discourse at this point then I guess this is whre I ask you to Do Not Interact. To anyone else, I love yall <3

If you've been directed here after sending an ask my way please apologize for wasting my time [here]

tl;dr DNIs are dumb but don't drag me into your personal grievances with others.

this post is still specifically a6out tum6lr user Zelda dragongirltongue

#6aaah #last updated dec 16

[thana-topsy]

Ok I gotta come out and say it. I envy you. Like, to a painful extent. The amount of people you get interested in your characters, how you're incredibly skilled in both visual art AND writing, how readers your fics have. I absolutely adore your work, but seeing it fills me with so much envy it's honestly ridiculous.

Did you deal with similar feelings towards other creators when you started writing fic by any chance? If so, how did you deal with those feelings? I feel genuinely stuck feeling worthless about my fics. I'm not as verbose with my language despite over 10 years of writing under my belt and it seems as though my plots don't interest people as much either. So I feel like there's just nothing of worth about any of my work.

I know that this is a lot to dump on you, but I felt like I would burst keeping this all in. Much love to you and I hope you have a wonderful New Year!

Hey there my friend, I've been sitting with this all day trying to decide how I want to answer you. I genuinely appreciate your honesty, because I know this is a familiar feeling for a lot of people, myself included.

I remember when I first rejoined Tumblr in early 2019, desperately trying to find anyone to talk to about TES, I would look at all these blogs gettings asks about their OCs like they were little celebrities and feel envy and longing. Now, when these feelings start to bubble up, I force myself to take a break from sharing my work, be it art or writing, if only to remind myself why I'm creating it and who I'm creating it for: myself. I know it sounds cheesy, and I probably sound like a broken record, but genuinely I just do this because it's bursting out of my skull. But I won't lie and say the engagement and the support doesn't have a big impact on my motivation. I love sharing with people and getting an enthusiastic response.

I think something people might not realize, or maybe they just forget, is that I used to write a lot of smut. Like...a lot of smut. (I still do). Hahaha and it doesn't get a lot of comments or engagement, but it does draw a lot of eyes. Once my smut stories started taking on heavier plotlines, a comment I'd get a lot was "came for the porn, stayed for the plot." And I wasn't writing smut because I thought it would get me an audience, I was just horny LMAO. But it encouraged me to branch out and experiment with the types of stories I was telling.

Anyways, art is another big part of it, yes. But that also didn't get a lot of engagement in the beginning, and my skills were rusty as hell. I was getting maybe 15 notes on here, 30 likes on instagram. But that didn't really matter to me, I was just insane with inspiration. I'd reach out to people and ask to do art trades, got ghosted a lot, made some good friends, (some people who are still my good friends to this day!). But it took a lot of risks, and I made a lot of accidental enemies and learned a lot of hard lessons. But having visuals to go with the stories I'm writing is like advertisement in its own way. I'm just lucky enough to hyperfixate on this shit like it's my lifeblood. I've always obsessively drawn my favorite characters, ever since I was a wee bab. Long before social media was a factor or the words "content creator" even existed.

And I think that's what it all comes back to. Above all else, do what you do with unbridled joy. If someone else finds joy alongside you, all the better! Even if it's just one person. Take risks, make friends, make enemies, draw that blorbo unapologetically and with wild abandon. Love what you create, even when it's bad. Even when it makes you cringe years later, don't delete it. Even when people try to find every reason to hate what you do and who you are. Don't stop.

Every act of creation is bringing something into the world that didn't exist before you made it. And that alone gives it worth.

Happy New Year!

#topsy's asks #long post

[ughgoaway]

Dying to know what you would write for y/n’s first Mother’s Day with Matty and Annie

this is so so interesting to think about!!!!

so I think for the first mothers Day when you're with matty, nothing out of the ordinary happens. or nothing out of the ordinary happens to you anyway.

you ask matty a few days before how Annie feels about it, and he casually says, "Oh, she doesn't really mind. she knows it's coming, and to her, it's just another day!" So you treat it like that too.

you don't go out of your way to comment on it or make a big deal. You just get on with your day! the same cannot be said for matty...

he doesn't think Annie feels any way about it, seemingly like her normal bubbly self. But just as he's taking her to bed- she says something.

he feels strange the whole day. this is the first time he's had a girlfriend that annie knows about, and it's an actual serious relationship.

he knows it's way too soon, and you're not Annie's mum, but it kind of feels like you are?? and he's not sure how to feel.

"Did you have a good Mother's Day, Daddy?"

matty pauses and looks at Annie confused before slowly saying, "... yes, I did, sweetheart. why do you ask?"

"You were being weird around y/n allllllll day," Annie answers, organising her toys carefully as she speaks.

matty decided not to share this internal monologue with Annie and simply said, "Oh. I didn't mean to be. I'm just worried about you i think munchkin"

oh.

had he been? matty thought he'd been pretty normal, casual, and cool. but if Annie had noticed- he definitely had not been.

fuck he hope you didn't notice (you didn't, too distracted by trying a new banana bread recipe lol)

"Why?" Annie said with a scrunched up face, matty had to stifle a laugh at her confused face.

"I know it must be hard on days like this because your mummy isn't in our lives. I just want to make sure my best girl is okay. " matty strokes Annie's head as she lies down to sleep.

"I'm fine, Daddy." she says nonchalantly, "Plus, y/n is like my mummy now anyway, so maybe next year we can all have fun"

with that, she drifts off, leaving matty in stunned silence. he truly is just 👁👄👁 for 10 minutes.

he doesn't mention it to you, but he does think about it INTENSELY.

////

now cut to a few years later, you and matty are going strong (perhaps even engaged...) and it's rolling up to mothers Day again.

and this year- you both feel odd.

you really had become Annie's mum. you sent out family cards from the 3 of you, you go to her parent's evenings (when you can slip away from doing them yourself lol) and you have lived with them for a while.

you do everything for Annie and love her endlessly. She feels like your own child.

matty stirs awake and sees you lying there, voice heavy with sleep he asks, "Are you alright, baby? why are you awake?"

so you bring it up to matty.

One night, you're lying in bed awake, and it's far too late, but you're just staring at the ceiling.

in your sleep deprived state, you don't hesitate to get straight to the point, "Am I Annie's mum?"

Well... that was NOT what matty was expecting to hear. this wasn't a topic he thought he'd be tackling at 3am on a Wednesday but, fuck it! here he goes.

"...what brought this up, babe?" matty asks tentatively, pulling you into his chest. you rest your head on him and sigh heavily before speaking.

"Um... I think that really depends on how you and annie feel. from my perspective? yes?" matty sounds unsure as he speaks, feeling like he's walking on egg shells

"I don't wanna scare you or anything, but you are practically her mum." matty pauses for a reply, but you stay silent, the only audible noise being your joint breathing.

"I don't know, with mothers Day coming up, it's just been on my mind. I feel like a mother, I act like a mother, and I do everything a mother does. but am I a mum? I didn't give birth to her, and I wasn't here from the start, so it feels selfish to call myself one and-"

matty shushes you and cuts off your rant before it goes too far, "its not selfish, sweetheart - it's realistic." matty pauses and takes a breath before continuing.

"If it helps, Annie said you were already her mum that very first mothers Day you spent with us. so I wouldn't think too deeply about it. " he shrugs as he speaks and turns the bedside lamp off.

matty had assumed this would calm you - it did not.

"Don't worry about it, babe. I'll do it," matty says, bringing you back down and wrapping the duvet around the two of you.

"WHAT." You pull up and look at matty wide-eyed, leaning over him and flicking the light back on

he looks back confused, and you really have to take a moment to realise hes not being intentionally dumb.

"Why did you only just decide to tell me this??? it's been years, Matthew!!! oh god, this changes everything. I have to talk to her about it. fucking hell-"

"really?"

so he did! it was the day before mothers Day, and you were out shopping with charli. she needed a new dress for a fancy date george was talking her on, and you were more than happy to help!

"of course"

///

Annie was peacefully sat on the sofa watching high school musical 2 with mayhem. He was peacefully snoring in her lap as she sang along to fabulous (the best hsm movie and the best song, btw)

"So... Annie, how are you..."

fuck. Why would he ask that?? what a shit way to start.

Annie pauses and looks at matty weirdly before responding, "okay i think?"

"Good, good... can we talk?"

"Do you want to do anything for mothers Day this year? for y/n, i mean. not me or anything. that would be weird." matty stops himself going off on a tangent and coughs awkwardly and waits for a response.

Annie pauses the movie and nods tentatively, matty sits next to her and can't help but jump straight in.

his nerves were ruining any chance at a coherent thought.

5 seconds feels like 5 hours, but he couldn't be more relieved when she excitedly says, "Yes!!! oh, please, can we!?! I want to get her flowers and chocolates!!"

matty sighs a breath of relief and nods. He grabs his keys and says, "Definitely. let's go to tesco then, cmon!"

///

the next morning, matty is up early... suspiciously early.

you wake up to whispered voices and hear a tray clanging slightly,

annie and matty saying "surprise!!" wakes you up fully, and you are shocked to see them with a tray of pancakes, coffee, and a bouquet of flowers.

immediately you tear up, but you have to ask to make sure you're not misinterpreting this.

"Oh wow! what's all this???" You say sitting up as matty puts the tray next to you on the bed.

"Happy mothers Day!!!" squeals Annie excitedly, "Dad said I was finally allowed to give you presents today!" she smiles big as she finishes, almost looks anxious awaiting your response.

tears start rolling down your cheeks, and you pull Annie in, squeezing her so tight she loses all the air in her lungs.

"Oh, Annie. thank you so so much. I love you, sweetheart." You pull back and wipe your tears, and Annie can't look happier, gummy smile and bright eyes staring back at you.

shyly, she says, "You're welcome. i love you too"

"You want to share my pancakes, sweet girl?" You ask, already cutting it up for the two of you.

"yes!!!" Annie says bouncing on the bed.

matty might as well not be there, but that is honestly exactly how he wanted to feel.

you don't need him. you're Annie's parent now too.

#annie has made you cards for the years imbetween but she hid them #she gives them all to you the next year and you SOB. #im talking snot bubbles red face SOBBING. #soooooo many more thoughts on this too #but i can only talk for so long before im incomprehensible lol #cant shut up!!! ever!!! #anon! #teacher au!

[robogart]

So do you just respond to anon hate because you know itll get you showered with compliments after? Because you really shouldve just deleted them and moved on ... Dont engage, just block, right? Or are you just too good for that. If its not worth the effort, why do you keep doing it? Look, I really truly love your work .... I *agree* with all the people complimenting you. But taking the time out of your day to formulate snarky responses to people that should not matter to you, for the sake of drowning it out with others' approval just makes you look really vain and desperate. Im sorry if that upsets you. Im not trying to judge your character, im just saying thats how you might appear to an outsider, but you shouldnt care about what i think of you anyway. Regardless, i hope you have a wonderful day and keep making the art that you want to make. ✌

I will say "don't engage, just block" has been a successful tactic that I have used/been using on twitter (and instagram, when I remember to use it) since two people can't really engage with a character limit. There's also no real anonymous posting on either platform, so people can get dogpiled on either side, which I try to be aware of and avoid.

So it's tough because I do agree that most times it is better to walk away - you're right! And I'd be inclined to do that for most internet circumstances. But I guess this Shadowheart situation has honestly just become something that I am going to speak up on, because to these anonymous messages, I want to state and clearly explain why this piece, and others like it, are important to me. Drawing fat people is very important to me.

And I have been very much "in the pocket" today in responding to things, much more than I usually am, considering I usually don't get this much inbox attention at all. In the past, the few times I'd get this sort of quantity of responses would also come from a similar circumstance when I would want to draw a character from a popular series (usually drawing them as fat, buff, larger-bodied than their original design) and people want to speak up on it. So when this does happen, and specifically on tumblr because it's a blogging platform that supports long text and anonymous messages, I do find myself responding to most things. Especially since it's revolving around drawing fat bodies and it is something I feel impassioned to speak up on and explain why I do it.

My more "snarky" and cheeky responses are towards the anonymous messages that are giving me that energy at the start. And I respond to them because I am a person, not just some art-making machine on the internet. I want these anons to know that I see their messages, their attitude is not appreciated, and their commentary is hateful and wrong because they have internalized shit they should work through (as do we all). But it's not going to fly here and there are MANY people who agree with me and do not tolerate this behavior, and these anons should see that that is the case.

The kind and supportive messages I get because of these situations I vastly appreciate. I respond to them because I'm grateful for the time, I'm in that typing/ready-to-respond pocket, and they help me (and hopefully others) remember that for every hateful thing someone might say, there are a dozen people who support you. Every time you dare to draw and represent a person outside of the beauty standard, there will always be people who will hate it and they are going to tell you. But with them, there will be dozens more who truly love it because they find it beautiful and they will appreciate what you do. It is immensely meaningful and important to me that people see this and see more artwork that expands the scope of beauty. That is why I respond to these messages.

#bg3 response

[apparently-artless]

WHY YOU SHOULD TRY READING WIND BREAKER EVEN IF IT'S NOT YOUR CUP OF TEA

Content warnings to take note of before you read: poorly written explanations and BAD ENGLISH [like extremely bad I'm not even joking XD], a few manga spoilers like mentions of characters that might not be included in the current season of anime

A few days ago, I started reading the manga of Wind Breaker by Satoru Nii and reached the latest chapter after two days. Considering I have a life to deal with, this is actually fast because I couldn't stop reading for as long as there is a next chapter to read. This series was suggested to me by my sister and I was already looking forward to the anime. After watching 2 episodes so far, I couldn't contain myself and decided to read the manga instead. In all honesty, delinquent theme is not my cup of tea. At the very least, it is not a genre that I would actively seek. However, this series piqued my curiosity, kept me engaged, and made me want to read more. And now here I am, desperately waiting for the next chapter to come.

Before anything else, I would like to let you know that [as far as the latest chapters are concerned], there are no teachers involved in the story. Even if they are going to school, there are no scenes of them actually studying. There are also no authorities involved. So just think of them as students only doing social studies by protecting the townsfolk and interacting with them daily. But then again, THIS IS FICTION, SO IT'S OKAY!! So with that out of the way, let me point out a few things that I really love about this manga.

THE MAIN CHARACTER

The main character, Sakura Haruka has such a cool character design. Bicolored hair and different eye colors, who wouldn't be interested? To top it all off, he's good at fighting and he is such a tsundere he ends up blushing all the time! He also has a sad past that makes us want to protect this baby boy from all the pain and suffering he encountered thus far. If you've watched the first episode, it's quite evident that he was ostracized because of the way he looks. Ugh, my poor baby boy. T_T

The anime actually did a great job of including more tidbits of Sakura's dark past in the first episode. There were scenes that I noticed that are included in the later chapters. In fact, the first 1 minute and 30 seconds of the first episode gave us something that manga did not give until almost 50+ chapters.

Some of the scenes are these:

And this:

It may seem like a normal dark-lit room but it actually speaks a lot. One room, no other furniture, and just a futon he can sleep on. What I am trying to point out is there is a difference between someone who started living alone as soon as they moved to a different town and someone who has been living alone almost their entire life. Now, don't get me wrong. Sakura's past is yet to be revealed. The full details of how he ended up alone are not yet even shown in the latest chapters of the manga. We can only make assumptions based on what was shown thus far and his behavior as he tries to interact with more people. Anyway, as you read more chapters, you will eventually realize that the main character lived a painful life before coming to Furin High.

THE OTHER CHARACTERS

If the main character is great, it's a good series. But it's even better if the other characters are interesting too. The mangaka did an amazing job with the other characters and how they contributed to the story. Each character has their own personality that you will also love. I bet you might even have a top 5 or even top 10 favorite characters just for this series alone.

THE CHARACTERS' DEVELOPMENTS

Now this is one of the reasons why I fell in love with the series. I am not just referring to the character development of the MC but also the other characters! What's more, is that the author finds a way to make their development interesting but brief and how their past contributes to who they are right now. Sometimes, the past is even included in a single chapter and with a few more scenes of the present. Of course, there are longer backstories but I assure you that every scene is important and contributes greatly to the plot.

THE PERFECT BALANCE BETWEEN MC AND THE OTHER CHARACTERS

You know how there are times that the main character feels like they are being forgotten in some series? I can think of a few but let's not mention those. XD Anyway, this one will surely not disappoint. The MC is a first-year high school student and even though it was already proven how strong he is in the first two episodes, there are surely other characters that are more OP than he is.

To me, this is very important. If the MC is the only one progressing, it's quite boring. But if there are other characters developing to the point that it makes you think, oh maybe he's the MC all along, it makes the series annoying. If I ever encountered such tropes, I would immediately put that series on hold and get back to it once I felt like it. Or maybe just never get back to it, at all. XD

Wind Breaker, despite having many interesting characters, manages to highlight the secondary characters without having the main character overshadowed and underappreciated.

THE DRAMA, THE COMEDY, THE ACTION AND THE FOUND FAMILY TROPE

Since delinquency is one of the themes of this series, of course, there's action. And the anime so far is doing a great job with the animation of the fight scenes. The drama is superb. It tears my heart out and rip it to pieces every single damn time whenever one of the characters' past is introduced. And then there's comedy. MC is socially awkward, and tsundere to boot. Who wouldn't laugh at his antics? What's best is that despite the fact that Sakura's behaviors are quite disturbing [signs that indicate that he did not have a normal life], the author managed to portray these scenes in such a way that you will find them painful but endearing at the same time.

As for the found family, I wouldn't want to spoil a lot but just think of it this way, the founder of BOFURIN considers every member not just as a friend but as family. And not just the students, he also considers the people of their town a big part of their family. Not some strangers to protect, but a family to treasure. If that's not sweet, I don't know what it is.

ADDED LGBT THEME

Since it's been confirmed that the anime will only have 13 episodes, the character I am referring to will not be introduced in the anime. As you may have already noticed, Furin High is an all-boys school so needless to say, all students there are males [at least, biologically speaking]. She's the only rose among the thorns. She was included in the screenshot below but I doubt we'll get to see her completely in this season. So I will leave it to your capable eyes to identify who I am referring to. XD

Anyway, the portrayal of this character is very close to reality. Her story of how she struggled with her sexuality and how she wanted to be accepted by other people is so beautifully and at the same time painfully written.

I really love Sakura and this character's interactions. It feels like Sakura has a very reliable and beautiful older sister. I do hope that this series will continue getting more seasons because I am really in love with this character.

I can still go on but I think that I already made my point. Anyway, if you are still having doubts about this series, just give it a try. Read at least 60 chapters and if you really don't like it, there's nothing wrong with it. We all have our own preferences when it comes to anime and manga. I thought I just needed to make this review since it's really a surprise how this series managed to make me love it a lot.

So if you are looking for a series that has these elements: fluff, angst, action, drama, comedy, found family, lgbt themes, you will definitely enjoy it!

#wind breaker #manga #manga recommendation #artsrecs #artsreviews #manga spoilers #wind breaker spoilers #wind breaker manga spoilers #long post