#but i will keep breathing | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

entangledptsd · 2 months

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whoa yeah i just saw a post reminding people to get some damn nutrition and started crying

i have had some pretty serious eating problems for several years. it's a lot better now than it used to be, but the urge to skip meals is still there in the back of my head

and it breaks my heart when my girlfriend, knowing this, asks me in that tiny voice she gets sometimes and with big blue pleading eyes to "please eat something." i don't want to hurt her. it takes precedence over not wanting to hurt myself. i don't know how i got lucky enough to find someone so kind and good and bright after everything the world has thrown at me, seemingly because i deserved it (i didn't)

a close friend of mine always makes sure everyone in the group gets enough to eat when we're all hanging out because he's seen too much of the world and knows what hunger does to people

it's strange, being in recovery from so much and still being expected to be a productive normal member of society. how am i supposed to act like everything's just peachy when there are so many others suffering like i have? how can i stand to eat anything when there are kids starving to death in Palestine and Somalia and Congo and Sudan and right down the fucking street from me here in the country that hosts some of the richest people in the world? how can i get a normal job and go to work day in and day out, force myself to be another cog in the death machine that is Amerikkka?

i don't know man. i remember the lady who put vodka in her daughter's soda to keep her convenient because they were homeless and she couldn't deal with the sound of crying. i remember pushing my body way past its limits for too long and denying it everything it needed, wouldn't even wash it gently, because nobody had ever shown me how to be kind to myself. i remember the 19-year-old kid i met in jail whose mom got her hooked on meth when she was 11 and then died a few years later, leaving her all alone in the world except for a 40-something-year-old creep who just wanted to use her body (fuck you Dusty, wherever you are i hope you're fucking suffering and i'm glad you're too dead to hurt any more kids). i remember the people who got arrested on purpose just so they could have three square meals a day and a shitty bed to sleep on for a little while. i remember

too much i think

i just hope i can do something about it someday. i hope i can start making enough money to bring stacks of pizza boxes to the long line of tired folks behind the homeless shelter, like that one person used to do on Monday nights back when i was the one waiting in line. i hope i can have a little extra cash in my wallet someday to give to the ragged people i see sheltering in corners and bus stops, like my dad and granddad do

but first i have to get myself somewhat stable, and that means getting enough food to start

#head's too full tonight kids #and i'm too tired to do anything besides tread water #but i will keep breathing #and eating too. even when i don't know if i deserve to

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stuckinapril · 4 months

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friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me

#It’s just so different #even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol #in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps #if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it #esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends #no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr #u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS #meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life #this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation #like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !!#& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers #who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them #and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends #it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me #I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc #like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this #so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works #p

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the-phantom-peach · 3 months

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I can’t stop thinking about @ezdotjpg bonus links au

I need to squeeze them in my hand in a way I can’t describe

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miralyk · 4 months

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another orbit around the sun finished...! here's to continuing on 🎇

#my art #not much i can say esp bc i'm still p bittersweet about so much that's happened #but... yeah...! life will keep going and i'm now taking a deep breath taking in the night air and fireworks #happy new year #2024 #update: fixed the caption to be accurate bc i mixed up earth’s rotation = 1 day and earth’s orbit around the sun = 1 year LMAO

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andstuffsketches · 7 months

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self-indulgent link designs

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niinnyu · 26 days

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Red in your hair.

#wooo first dungeon meshi post!#just wanted to redraw this panel since they didnt animate it...#her blood on her hands.. in her hair.. her hair that is very important as a mage... yeah #also just what a cool panel i had to take a deep breathe when i was reading oof #also sleep walking orchestra has been stuck in my head its so good #the one distortion when “or it's a demon” lyrics is on loop muah muah #i did hope bump of chicken would do the wha opening but this fits the vibe too yumm #anyway... marcille :D #marcille donato #dungeon meshi #dunmeshi #marcille dunmeshi #dungeon meshi fanart #also wth is delicious in dungeon... dungeon dining if you wanna keep the alliteration #but whatever #cw blood #niinnyu arts

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scootkiddo · 1 year

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what was more culturally significant. the renaissance. or seatbelt.

#this was such a paradigm shift #I will look at a seatbelt in the car and weep as I think about Them #seatbelt is platonic love language 😤🖐️#‘no matter you you keep finding something to fight for’ well I fight for seatbelt til my last breath #if seatbelt has a million fans I’m one of them #if seatbelt has five fans I’m one of them #if seatbelt has one fan that one is me #if seatbelt has no fans I am no longer of this earth #til my last breath I’ll support seatbelt #the last of us hbo #joel miller #the last of us #ellie williams #pedro pascal #tlou #bella ramsey #tlou hbo

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 4 months

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he's in my home he's in my Heart

#translation: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #hello hello hello hellOOOOOOOOO #hes so cute!!!! and the material is So Soft!!!#the urge to fling him as hard as i can at a wall is There!#i wont though. i wouldnt dare #but ohhhh its him <3 the chew toy <3<3 in the. uh. fabric #i didnt expect him to be so firmly stuffed its a Delightful surprise #his little outfit his stupid fuckin cinnamon bun hair AGH i love him #thirty bucks well spent!!!#i cant wait to crochet him a little sweater <3 #and a little Home to keep him company <3 #oh man oh man Where am i gonna put him...#in the basket??? on my bed?? on a shelf - no! i dont have the room!#maybe he'll bounce around from spot to spot!#photos from the bog #welcome home #gotta say i really do love how it kinda looks like his ascot is strangling him #i looked to see if i could loosen it lmao is he breathing alright!!!!#cant wait to have extensive staring contests with him <3 #finally... someone who wont look away or find eye contact Uncomfortable...#i will admit im already obsessed with holding his tiny soft hand #AGH he's so <3<3<3 he's soooooo <3<3<3<3 #thank you makeship for the opportunity to have him physically in my life #thank you clown for creating him & letting makeship turn him into a marketable plushie he's Everything. 100000/10 absolutely phenomenal #MAN i cant believe he's here!!!!#it feels kinda unreal! like! Wally Darling! in my house! My House!! holy shit!!!#hearts on his soles and everything!#oh and as a bonus he arrived in a wonderful little canvas Bag #i do love me a bag... extra thank you to makeship for the bag. new bag <3 i'll put things in it <3

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shellshooked · 5 months

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link skywalker redraw to celebrate the au that started it all🤸🏼‍♀️

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somnimagus · 1 year

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Spirit of the waiting sword

#legend of zelda #zelda #loz #loz fi #botw #breath of the wild #skyward sword #it's both yet neither #fan art #my art #i assume that she was the voice telling zelda how to save link in botw #but it made me wonder if her physical form reflects the master sword's state and i imagined the koroks keeping her company while she healed #old stuff repost queue

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mafuyuakgae · 2 months

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binge read @senblades time travel fic 'faith for the second run' the past 2 days

#persona 5 royal #goro akechi #fftsr #this single handedly dragged me back to p5 hole. i love the sumi characterization so i had urges to draw her but then i latched onto #this scene #my art #comic #plz keep writing this fic i await with bated breath........time travel fics my beloved.#this is how to get me

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valictini · 11 months

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I was watching a video analysing how the Yiga clan were handled in botw and how the person analysing it lamented the fact that Kohga was a joke character who totally destroyed the much more threatening image the yiga clan had all throughout the game. Although I do understand the sentiment (I felt that way for a long time) I’ve come to realise that we might not be viewing it in the right perspective. I ended up writing a comment under that video explaining how I saw things, and realised that maybe it could interest people here too? So here is the fleshed out version of it:

I think part of why they made Kohga extremely goofy compared to a way less goofy clan of literal assassins is to emphasise how even though the clan originally held some understandable beliefs, it has become a cult of personality over the years, and like most cults, the leader is way less charismatic than his followers make him out to be. Indeed, from the outside, it seems absurd how anyone could take Kohga seriously, let alone kill under his command, but from the inside, Kohga is the Beloved Leader That Guides Them Towards Victory, and anyone threatening him deserves to die.

In a way, yiga clan members feel like vulnerable, impressionable people who were enrolled into a cult and given a Big Family and a purpose (and a lethal weapon) by their lovable Master Kohga who wants the best for them… Except if you want to get out, then you’re a filthy traitor who also deserves to die. It’s especially visible when you beat him and they all get personally mad at you for killing him. They didn’t care about Ganon, they didn’t seem to actually understand the bigger picture, they only cared about Kohga.

It also shows how, like the rest of Hyrule, the Yigas are very much disconnected from their own history, seemingly holding on the grudge their ancestors held more as an excuse to continue to enact violence and perpetuate the cult of personality than fighting for a “noble” cause. Only Kohga seems to actually care about Calamity Ganon, and the rest of the yigas seem to be just tools to him. Wether or not he’s actually conscious of what he’s doing is unclear. Is he a fully aware con artist, or is he purely another product of Yiga indoctrination?

So yeah, to me it feels like a parody/critic/mockery of cult dynamics. It shows that this gang of assassins are indeed a real menace, but for seemingly no reason other than “that one lunatic they admire told them to” and “if they go away they get killed”. The reason why the clan was originally created becomes almost anecdotal. Under the current leader, no one is required to actually know what they’re doing, they just need to follow orders.

In the end, I think it is the intention the developers had because cults are a rampant problem in Japan. At the very least, even if it’s not a actually conscious critic, it’s a concept that is much more present in their cultural landscape than ours and that almost certainly influenced how they handled the Yiga clan. Basically, cults are not cool and can even be dangerous both for the public and their members. Cult leaders especially are not cool and often are con artists. Therefore, Kohga couldn’t be badass, he had to be a doofus getting beaten in the most unexceptional way possible.

#botw #breath of the wild #master kohga #yiga clan #kohga #loz #the legend of Zelda #tloz #meta analysis #i purposefully didn’t talk about kohga’s change of heart in AoC because to me this game is not canon #one could argue it proves that Kohga is actually not aware of how catastrophic enabling Ganon would be #but for the sake of keeping it focused on botw I didn’t mention it #cult mention #valictini talks

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repmet · 6 months

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@rwrbmovie & @rwrbsource’s rwrbweek: Day 6 | Kiss

Nose kisses

#red white and royal blue #alex claremont diaz #henry fox mountchristen windsor #henry hanover stuart fox #taylor zakhar perez #nicholas galitzine #rwrbedit #rwrb movie #rwrbweek #rwrbsource #i know they actually kiss in the last one but shhhh #i like the lead up #just like lets share some breath #that's totally keeping it real casual right guys #henry being blindsided that alex fell in love neve ceases to be both #a) utterly heartbreaking #and b) absolutely hilarious after all the shit he did to make their relationship the most romantic and loving thing in the world

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randomminty · 7 months

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Enchanted by akatsukis princess carryisms

#art tag #enstars #wait can i tag akatsuki. what if thats naruto.#keito hasumi #souma kanzaki #kuro kiryu #i like posting non pokemon stuff here than twt bc of the tagging system </3 feels safer #waiting for akats climax event is like pulling teeth i really thought theyd be next i couldve never predicted 2wink #GOOD for them tho i love 2wink. yutas finally free from 5 star jail #i love posting a buncha pokemon then a random non pokemon thing im unpredictable. i keep you guessing. i draw the same 3 enstars characters #i only scheduled this bc i just posted smth i feel like i should let it breathe first #ok thats all. gotnight #edit i forgot to make it as clear as possible the only thing i ship within akats is kurokei </3333 i dont like shipping souma w them #which is why kuro and keito get a whole 3 drawings together. spoiled

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evankinard · 3 months

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I'm sorry I know this is probably gonna rip my heart out but the idea of buck possibly dunking so hard on christopher it causes a third premarital buddie divorce is absolutely murdering me

#i cant fucking breathe i need to see this so bad #911 spoilers #evan buckley #eddie diaz #christopher diaz #911 abc #its all spec tho keep that in mind #buddie #weewoo brainrot

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hiromiikunn · 5 months

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COUGH COUGH COUGH FLFHEMEIDN I CANT FXUNG BREATHE WTF

AAAAAAA.

AAAAAAAAAAAA.

NO BECAUSE. BC BC BC.

#IT HITS DIFFERENT WHEN ITS ANIMATED OKAY?#I’ve read it at least 5 times but.#BUT!#I swear animated amuro is so #cough idk if I can say #ummm (kinky?)..#LISTEN #THEY HAD NO REASON TO KEEP PULLING EACH OTHER IN #I can’t breathe bye #(new ship unlocked??) im gONE.#DCMK #kaitou KID #amuro tooru #Furuya rei #detective conan manga

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