#but i was lucky because i went to the pharmacy and the person there knows me since always so he just sold me the antibiotic

[deliciousangelfestival]

Every Time You Lie- Ch 1 || Lloyd Hansen

Character: dark!Lloyd Hansen x female!reader, dark!Husband Lloyd Hansen x Wife!reader.

Synopsis: Any woman is jealous of you, especially with the status of being the wife of Lloyd Hansen—the CEO of the biggest pharmacy company in the country. From the outside, everyone sees you as a perfect family, a successful husband, two kids, and living in a big house. 

But the truth is different. You are trapped in this marriage because of the mistake you made. You are willing to give everything you have to get your freedom. Free from him. Free from your vicious mother-in-law. Free from your snobby son.

This story has manipulation, tragedy, and drama. 

Both of them shouldn’t be together.

Warning: Betrayal, suicidal thought, non-con, smut, harsh language, tragedy. Minors do not read. 18+

Author Note: I do not consent to copying or translating my work. 

Any reblog, comment, and feedback are appreciated. I want to know what you guys think about this one.

Series Masterlist || Chapter 1, Chaper 2 , Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6 , -

Main Masterlist || Ko-fi

Any woman would kill to take your place—good looks, fame, connection, money, perfect kids, and perfect husband, Lloyd Hansen. 

But outsiders only see the surface. They don't know what happened behind the door. 

Heartbreak, betrayal, distrust, lie.

If any woman could withstand all these four, you are willing to give her the position of Mrs.Hansen to someone else.

You became the head of multiple charities to help people. But you can't save herself. 

All the money you have doesn't give you happiness. It's the opposite. As long as you still breathe, seeing Crystal Pharmacy building standing tall and proud reminds you that it's your fault why it turned out like this. 

Crystal Pharmacy used to be known as Laurent Pharmacy that belonged to your father. 

Your gentle father is a scientist who is friendly, kind, and gentle towards his kids even though they keep making mistakes. You are proud to have a patience father like him. 

But because your sin of trusting the wrong person made you lose everything: your father, brother, sister, and company. 

Your sin is loving Lloyd Hansen. You never thought sales like him could manipulate you and everyone. 

It turns out it was all his plan from the beginning to get close to you so he could access your father's company. 

Now everyone seems to have forgotten the name of Laurent Pharmacy, and the legacy from your father is also gone. 

You are trapped in this sinful mistake, perhaps have trapped marriage and your karma.

You married the man who destroyed everything your father had built. Your brother despised you and made him move away from the city, and your sister doesn't want to see you. 

All that has left is only Lloyd and his mother, your mother-in-law, Krystal Hansen. 

Oh, she hates you; she always has this passive-aggressive talk towards you. 

Every day she reminds you, "You are lucky to marry my son when there are a lot of women that are better than you."

You hold your anger each time she looks down on you. You can't run away or even get a divorce because you can't do anything. Because Lloyd holds everything you got. 

So, the only thing you could do is become a dutiful wife, always do and listen to whatever he says, and become a good mother. 

You thought becoming a mother of two kids could make your mother-in-law start to warm up to you. But no. Having two grandchildren is still not enough for her. 

First, your first daughter, Emily Hansen. She's beautiful, smart, and courageous. You're grateful that she doesn't act like her father. She even defended you when Krystal tried to mock you, and Lloyd couldn't get mad towards his daughter. 

But Krystal doesn't like Emily because she's a girl and wants a male heir to continue the company. 

Then your second child, a son. His name is Lionel Hansen. Everyone was overjoyed when he was born. But at that time, you were stressed and always went to a therapist every week. 

Krystal accused you of having an affair with your male therapist. 

That's the first time you snapped at her; how dare she be accused of something untrue while his son tortured you every night. 

What made you heartbroken is that your husband doesn't talk back to his mother and lets her do the DNA test. 

Well, the DNA proves that you were right. Lionel is Lloyd's son. In a second, Krystal changed, and she wanted to take care of Lionel. 

You were devastated, screamed. She can't take Lionel away from her. It's enough to have one Lloyd in this world. 

You can't help crying about Lionel, but you almost forgot about Emily. She needs attention too. She was 13 years old when Lionel was born. 

No one is taking care of Emily. Seeing you being fragile, her father busy at work, and her grandmother only pouring her affection towards her brother, she felt neglected.

Then she met your sister, her only aunt, Mia. They became close, and then Emily discovered the truth about her father's company and how her father made your family crumble. 

It felt like a jab in your heart when Emily told you she would move out, and she was ashamed to have a father like Lloyd. After her 17th birthday, she left the house and left you alone. 

The only pillar that made you able to stand is gone. 

Krystal gave Lionel back to you because she's exhausted caring for him. 

He's already seven years old. But you don't feel connected to your son. Perhaps you're afraid because his attitude is similar to his father's. 

The only thing you can do is stand still, be pretty in a beautiful dress and jewellery, and be proud to be Mrs Hansen.

But… 

Everything changed at your 20th wedding anniversary. 

"Ah…hng…!!"

"Urgh…!"

A loud moan echoed through the room. A man and a woman were intertwined on the bed. The man's back moved back and forth. Lloyd's cock dug deep into you. 

"Ha…Ahh…"

Lloyd feels pleasure and fullness every morning, making love with you. 

He lifted your legs and draped them over his shoulder. He grabbed your thighs with both hands and moved his back vigorously, speeding his movement. 

"Ah…!"

When he heard you moan, he knew you already hit a climax. Lloyd leaned his body towards you and moved his waist to reach his climax. He spilled his seeds inside your body. 

"Ha…That was a good way to celebrate our day. Right, Y/N?" 

Lloyd took his cock from your body and lay down next to you. He put your head to rest on his chest. He stroked his hair and kissed your forehead. 

Those who do not know will see you and Lloyd as a normal couple. 

Even though you just had an orgasm, you immediately feel dead again. 

"Yes." You nodded her head. 

Lloyd hummed and stroked your back. "I have booked a boutique store for your dress."

"Thank you."

What Lloyd is talking about is your dress for their 20th wedding anniversary. If anyone asks about that party, you will say it's unnecessary. But Lloyd wants to hold the event and invite all the business partners, and Krystal wants to show off her new diamonds. 

Lloyd smacked your ass. "Let's get up and start our morning."

You hummed and followed him to the bathroom and took a shower together. It's the same activity. After you put on your outfit, you will go to his changing room and put on his tie. 

He will wear the suits that you have prepared the night before. When you came in, Lloyd was already wearing his suit and tie. 

But there's something different. That's not the tie she prepared beforehand. In fact, she has never seen it before.

You grab the jacket suit from the hanger and go to Lloyd's back. "New tie?"

"Hmm, I bought it when I went to Paris." He stretched his arms to the back to wear the suit jacket. Then he straightened his outfit. After that, he sprays perfume on his neck. 

'That's a new perfume too.' You've never seen that perfume before. 

Then your woman instinct sent something to your brain. But you shook it because it's too early to speculate. 

Three of you, including Lionel, have breakfast in the dining room. He's 12 years old and taller than you because he likes to play basketball and volleyball. 

"Lionel, put down your phone." You softly order your son so he can eat his food. 

"Hmm…" Lionel hummed, but he didn't stop playing the mobile game. 

Reading the newspaper, Lloyd put down the paper and said, "Listen to your mom."

Lionel rolled his eyes. "Alright. Geez." He turns off his phone and starts eating. 

Only the sound of food utensils in the dining room until Lionels start the conversation, "Mom, I want to buy new shoes."

"Didn't you just buy one like yesterday?"

"This one is different, it's a limited edition. And these shoes are only available at your friend's store. All my friends already own it and I don't want to get left behind. Pleaseeee, mom…"

"That means you have to be on the waiting list. It will be difficult, Lionel."

"Mom!! I want it!! If grandma is here she will get it for me." Lionel crossed his arms and huffed. 

Under the table, you fisted your hand. Lionel is your son, but you can't scold him because he will tell everything to Krystal, and you will get scolded. 

"Just give him what he wants. Talk to Amelia, you are her top client." Lloyd suddenly joins in. 

You couldn't say no when your husband has made his decision. "Okay."

You were at the private boutique watching the model walking on the catwalk with the choice of dress that you probably would choose for your party. 

You glanced at your secretary. "I will pick the blue dress and the white shoes from the second model."

"Yes ma'am."

After the short fashion show, every model went backstage. You also grab your bag and leave the room. But one model still stays, "Mrs. Hansen?"

She's the one wearing the blue dress you picked. When she got closer, in an instant, you knew she was gorgeous, and her beauty was captivating. The rosy cheeks on her skin, slender body, and mystery air around her. 

Compared to you, who is aging gracefully, I can't help being jealous towards this young model. 

"Yes?"

She smiled shyly and cleared her throat. "Hi, uhm, my name is Zoey. I always wanted to meet you. It's because of your charity I could go to college."

You smiled at her. "I'm honored to hear that. So you became a model?"

Zoey nodded her head. "No, I'm helping my friend since she couldn't come. I work as a secretary."

"Congrats."

"All thanks to you. Can I give you a hug? You're my inspiration."

"Uhm, sure." You weren't sure, but Zoey had already made her move and hugged you. After that, she became giddy and left you. 

When you don't see her, you tell the shop assistant, "I don't want the blue dress anymore, change it to black."

"Yes."

You quickly left the store and got into the car. Your heart is beating fast. Because when Zoey gets closer, you smell her. In a second, you knew, that's the same perfume Lloyd wears. 

One thing about Lloyd is he always wears something customized that is only available to him, like perfume. All his perfumes were custom-made only for him. And he said he got it from Paris. Paris is the city where perfumers gather. 

And Zoey said she's a secretary.

Fuck. Both of them fucked. 

Lloyd is cheating on you. You weren't that shocked because deep down, you knew this would have happened. Even though Lloyd is already 43 years old, he still has a muscular body, like 30 years old. He is rich and drives nicely. 

You sighed heavily and rubbed your head. The driver notices you from the rear mirror. "Mrs. Hansen, are you alright? Do I need to call a doctor?"

You raised your hands. "You don't have to. Headed to Amelia's store, please."

"Yes, Mrs.Hansen."

You sit on the gold chair near the window at the boutique on the second floor. 

"Y/N. Are you're alright?"

You look at Amelia, who is sitting in front of you. She brings you tea and cakes. But you didn't touch anything.

Amelia is the only friend you got. Lloyd didn't stop you from meeting her because she’s rich. Her boutique store only sells limited editions, and many famous people became her clients. 

Your finger touches the teacup. You looked at your reflection in the water and sighed. "Lloyd is cheating on me."

Amelia slammed the table "That bastard!!!"

"Shh, don't be so loud."

"Fuck that; there's only us on this floor." Amelia leaned closer. "How did you know?"

"I met his mistress 1 hour ago."

Amelia clicked her tongue and threw him back to her chair. She was silent for a moment and then said, "Divorce him."

You scoffed, "Like I haven't thought about it a million times."

"Then do it; what's holding you back?" Amelia knew you didn't have a happy life. You're miserable. Under the expensive makeup and the fancy dress, she could see your soul crying. 

'What's holding you back?' That's the right question. 

Even though you have nothing, you still have your pride. You don't want to divorce Lloyd until he apologizes and realizes what he has done. 

But now, you don't even know anymore. 

"I don't know Amel. My kids?"

"Tsk, tsk, that's bullshit. Your oldest have moved out and already became a resident while your son is ungrateful child. If I have a gentle mother like you I won't touch any kind of drugs."

When she mentioned Lionel, you remembered, "Amel, can I ask you a favor? It's for my son. I knew there was a waiting list. I will pay double the price."

Amelia rolled her eyes. "Huh, really, Y/N. You're too kind. It's alright; I will call the designer to make another one."

You smiled at her; at least someone knew your effort. Amelia mother is a socialite whose an alcoholic and doesn't know parenting. 

Your friend became a drug addict, but she turned sober. Amelia sip the tea. "You remember Katherine from flower rearrange class?"

"Yeah, what about her?" You knew Katherine; she's a quiet and skinny woman. Her husband is an oil tycoon.

"She got divorced. Turned out her husband is abusive, and a cheater. Even though she doesn't get any money, she looks happy. I met her when I went to Florida." 

Amelia grabs her phone to open her social media. "See, doesn't she look vibrant and happier?" You look at Katherine's photos; she smiles a lot and seems to enjoy being alone.

Perhaps. Someday. You could be like her. 

On the way back home, your phone suddenly rang. When you saw the contact, a smile appear on your lips. It's from Emily. 

The only thing that could make you want to stay alive is because of her. You didn't want to be biased towards your children. But you've been through; Emily is the only child that understands you. 

She never stepped foot into the house after she entered university. Both of you only met outside. But it's getting difficult to meet since she got accepted working at the hospital. 

"My dear, how are you?"

"Mom…" Her voice sounds trembled. 

"Emily, what's wrong?"

"Mom, aunt is Mia is sick. Could you come to hospital? Please."

"What?!!" 

The moment your car stopped at the hospital, you ran from the car to the lobby. There you saw Emily already waiting for you. She's wearing her blue uniform. She looks exhausted. She lightened up when she saw you, "Mom."

You immediately hug her. "Emily, what's going on?"

Emily dragged your hand. "I will explain it later. Follow me."

She brings you into the ICU. Inside, you see your sister, Mia, lying on the patient's bed. The big sister you used to know was healthy, but now she looks skinny. 

You gasped, and your vision became blurry. "Mia, what happened?"

Mia, whose eyes were closed, slowly opened when she heard your voice. Her younger sister. "Y/N…?" She raised her hand to try to touch you. 

You immediately hold her hand and bring it closer to your cheek. "Sister, why you didn't tell me? Does brother Theo know?"

Mia didn't speak at all; she only nodded. 

Emily put her hand on your shoulder. "Aunty Mia got diagnosed with breast cancer. And… when she found out it's already on stage four."

"Oh no…"

Then you feel someone stroke your head, the movement is slow, but you know it's from your sister. You look straight at her and saw her smiling at you. 

"Y/N… I… miss… you…"  

At that moment, all the resentment and anger is gone. Both of you went back to the siblings you used to know. 

"I miss you too Mia."

You cried silently, looking at your sister condition; if both of you never fight, you could stay with her. If you had never met Lloyd, none of this could've happened.

"Here you are wifey. Damn Mia, you lost a lot of weight."

Your breath hitched when you heard that voice. It's not even an hour yet, and he already found you. 

One of the reasons you can't get a divorce from Lloyd is his possessiveness. And you can't hide from his sight. 

"Fuck… you… Lloyd." Mia cursed at him even though it was difficult for her. 

Lloyd didn't say anything. He only looked down at her. Then he wrapped his arm around you. "Let's go home. There are a lot of germs here. I don't want you to get sick." Your body couldn't fight from his grasp. 

Emily blocked both of you with her body. "Don't get mad at mom. I told her to come here."

Lloyd nodded his head. He patted her shoulder. "Come home once for a while. And don't forget to attend the party. I invited many actor and singers."

******

On the way back home, both of you were silent. You no longer care if he's mad since you didn't tell him where you're going. 

"I will stay with my sister."

Lloyd was looking at his phone; he scoffed, "Yeah, no."

This man is already over 40 years old but still childish. Didn't he see that your sister is dying? 

"This time I won't listen to you."

Lloyd sighed; he put down his phone and stared straight at you. His hand touches your cheeks and brings your face closer to him. "Wife, if you make me angry, you will attend her funeral tomorrow."

"Lloyd, ehmm…" Before you talk back, he kissed you roughly and bit your lips. 

"Aww." You pushed him away. "You're heartless. She's my sister!!!"

"Yeah, and she's doesn't even worth of your time. I need you to supervisor for the party. It's important more worth it then your sister."

You gasped, "How dare you."

Lloyd rested his hand on your thighs. "My wife, didn't you forget your promise to never meet your siblings?"

You hold your anger, it's impossible to talk through him. As you're getting older, you're supposed to get wiser. But Lloyd?

He is still a man-child. 

"Don't be mad. I will send the best doctor and medicine for her. How about that?"

"Thank you."

"Ah, I'm going to sleep at the office. I have to make sure the product is ready." 

Is this how he will start lying to see his mistress? Sure, as long as he doesn't bother her. "Okay. Thank you for telling me."

On the day of the party, Lloyd kept his promise. He really came home early in the morning. You didn't ask, and he didn't tell you about his day, so it's a win-win. 

Three of you wear a formal dress. Lloyd and Lionel wear the same design of the black suit, and you wear the black dress you bought. 

On the car, Lionel, who sit on the back, still playing games, ask, "Is Emily going to be there?"

"She will be late, since she's watching your aunt."

"Huh? Whose aunt?"

"Don't you remember? I told you before about aunt Mia. My older sister?"

"Let's forget about her." Lloyd suddenly joined the conversation. 

When the three of you arrived at the party, the red carpet and paparazzi were already waiting for your appearance.

"That dress made you look slim Y/N." 

That arrogant voice. You rolled your eyes before turning to see your mother-in-law Krystal Hansen. 

You turned around and were glad you didn't hold any champagne glass. Because if you did, you would drop the glass. 

The reason is that the woman standing beside Krystal is Zoey. She is wearing the blue dress you picked before. 

"Aw,Mrs. Hansen. You look beautiful."

"Hmm thank you. Hello mother." You greet both of them, when you trying to keep your composure.

Krystal hummed. "This girl is my secretary. Her name is Zoey. She's one of the successful people from our charity."

"Yes, madam Krystal. And I'm always grateful for that."

Krystal felt more proud. She always likes it when someone compliments her. Zoey is a nice girl who knows her place. How she wishes her daughter-in-law would be her instead of you. 

"Excuse me, I need to greet another guest."

Krystal clicked her tongue, seeing you walking away from her "Tsk, you see Zoey? She's really rude towards me."

"But it's true ma'am. There's many of guest here."

"You're right. I should meet my friend."

*********

You lied; you didn't meet anyone. You went to the balcony to get some fresh air. You were suffocated. Now everything has become clear. 

Zoey isn't Lloyd's new secretary. Both of them met through Krystal. You never go with Lloyd every time he visits his mother. It's only him and Lionel. 

Is this Krystal way to make you separated from Lloyd?

"Mrs. Hansen, you need to hear this." Kelly, your secretary, appeared out of nowhere and holding your phone.

You saw the caller's name. It's from Emily. You answered the phone and heard Emily sobbing, "Mom, she's gone."

When you heard that, you dropped your phone and lost your balance. 

"Ma'am?" Kelly, hold your body before you fall. 

"I need to leave."

"Mrs. Hansen you can't leave yet because your husband still hasn't given the permission."

"Kelly, I just lost my sister."

"I'm sorry, ma'am." Kelly and the others knew how scary Lloyd was. They knew how possessive he was with you. 

The only way is to talk to Lloyd so he would let you go. You look around, seeing everyone look like they have no problem.

Your mother-in-law is busy talking; your son is with his friends, your husband?

Where the heck is Lloyd?

You left the ballroom to look for him. He must still be on the same floor. Then you saw a man and woman hugging. You hide behind the wall. 

You knew that broad shoulder even though it was dark. That body belongs to her husband, and the woman who wore the blue dress are Lloyd and Zoey. 

Suddenly you felt a pain in your chest. It's been happening a couple of times lately. Being near them gave you more pain.

Yeah, you should walk away. Give them some space. Besides, you need to be alone. 

Lloyd was looking for you. He asked his bodyguard where you were and found you sitting on the floor in the quiet hallway. He saw you drinking wine all by yourself. It seems like you have finished one bottle. 

"Y/N?" 

Your head feels heavy; your makeup is ruined because of the tears. "Oh, here he comes, the maestro of my misery."

"You're drunk." Lloyd took off his coat and wrapped it around your shoulder. He helped the man to make you stand up. "What happened?"

"Mia is gone."

So that's why you cry, "Well, anyone will die. But she's quicker."

"Hehehehe."

First, you cried, and you giggled? "What's so funny?"

"My younger self was a fool to fall in love you. My biggest mistake is to trust you."

Lloyd felt his heart being stabbed. You never said these mean words towards him. "Alright, you're completely drunk. You don't know what you're talking about."

You pushed yourself away from him. "No. Let go of me."

"Y/N."

You were dizzy because of the alcohol;  perhaps because you're drunk, you dare to say, "You slept with her."

"Who?"

"Zoey."

"I didn't."

He knew you were depressed because you lost your sister, but what's with this accused? And how did you know that she was?

Without giving Lloyd a chance to speak, Y/N continued, "Don't lie; I could smell your perfume from her."

He didn't say anything.

Your fingers stabbed his chest. "I could have spent the days with my sister instead dealing with this party. While you fucked your mistress."

Lloyd grabs your hand "Y/N. There's nothing between me and her."

You clenched your trembling hand tightly. There was a tension that could not be hidden in your speech "I shouldn't have married you."

"..."

You murmured "My father told me to let go of everything. He never blamed me. But I'm so stupid to believe you. And now I lost the chance to say goodbye to my sister."

Lloyd never sees you like this. "We should talk about this at home." He tried to grab you but he failed.

You squeezed your arms "As I grew older, I learned the hard way to let go. But you…"

You pointed at him. "You are not capable of love. You're selfish."

“If I stop seeing that woman and mother starting from today, can we make up?” Lloyd asked.

"It's not enough." You shook your head and then said the words Lloyd never expected.

"I want a divorce."

He frowned and searched for his cigarettes in his pants pocket. He pulled out a cigarette and held it between his fingers before saying curtly, “So, you want to give her and me your blessing?”

That's even better. He should've married her. You nodded "If I could turn back time or there's another life, I wish I never met you."

Lloyd raised his voice. "I married you because I loved you!"

Your raised your voice and said "Do you know I prayed to God every day to take my life away? I want to be free from you. That's how much you've hurted me."

He launched towards you and clenched your wrist, "Even if you hate me or die before me. We will never, ever get divorced."

Your hands hurt because of how tightly Lloyd held them, but it was nothing compared to the pain you were feeling right now.

“What’s the meaning of dragging on?” You didn’t struggle from his grasp. "Please just once. Stop lying. The first time you lied to me. I lost everything."

“Look, the biggest problem with us is that I love you but I don’t know how much you love me!” Lloyd held your hand up to kiss it. “We communicate too little. You have an unbending and headstrong character, while I’m a conceited and proud man!”

He lowered his gaze, and after calming down his emotions, he held you by the back of your head and leaned his forehead against you. 

“It’s the stupidest thing I did in this lifetime, the darnedest mistake I’ve made! I hope… Y/N, you can give me a chance, a chance to redeem myself, okay?”

Lloyd hated himself a lot, especially at the thought of him cheating on you.

You knew the end of his voice was trembling, but you pretended not to know and shook your head. You pretend not to hear anything and said “It’s better that we sign the divorce agreement and lead our own lives.”

You gave a cruel smile when you saw regret in his eyes. 

You are still staring at each other; none of you speak.

"Mom, Dad?"

You widen your eyes when you hear that voice; even Lloyd lets go of your hand. 

"Lionel." You tried your best to act calm. 

"Mom, I've been looking all over the place for you." He whispered at you because Lionel realized the atmosphere is not right between you and Lloyd.

"What is it?"

"I got the email that my shoes are here. Can we get to Amelia's boutique?"

"Like, right now?"

"Yes pleaseee…. All my friends at school will wear it tomorrow." 

"Son, it's already 9 p.m." Amelia's store closed at 7 p.m. 

"Moommm…." Lionel knew it was already late, but he knew you would eventually do what he asked. You always do. 

You can't stand his nagging, just like his father. He won't stop until he gets what he wants.

You called Amelia's number, asking if her store was still open. She cursed at you, saying, of course, the boutique was already closed at this hour, but she told the security to give the shoebox to you if you arrived. 

"Alright let's go." You took off Lloyd suit jacket and handed it back to him. 

"Is it okay to leave dad alone?"

"He has a lot of friends. He's fine." You dragged Lionel's body to leave the place, leaving Lloyd alone. 

The rain is pouring hard, thunder. Luckily the road was empty. You and Lionel are inside the car. 

"Emily didn't come." Lionel said while he was still looking at his phone.

"She's at the hospital because your aunt Mia died." Your mind hasn't stopped thinking about your sister. Emily hasn't called you yet. 

"Oh right, I heard she's sick."

"You knew?"

"Dad, and grandma talk about her."

'What? So that means Lloyd, Krystal, and Lionel knew about Mia, and they didn't say anything to you. 

Lionel always plays at Krystal's house, which means, "Do you know Zoey?"

"Grandma secretary? Yeah, we talked sometimes when I was there."

"Uurgh." You feel sick, imagining they act like a family without you. 

There is no greater blessing than a family hand that lifts you from a fall, but there is no lower curse than a family hand that strikes you when you’re down.

Your husband and son didn't show any condolence about your sister. It's not like you lost a ring. You lost someone that you grew up with and shared the same blood.

"Mom, are you okay?"

"I'm not."

You must get out; if you are still stuck in the car, you will lose your mind. "Bring me the umbrella."

Jimmy, the driver, wonders why you want the umbrella, "Mrs. Hansen. I will get the package."

Gosh, you hated that name. 

"It's okay, besides the security knew my face."

"Be careful." Jimmy is worried because the rain is getting heavy.

But this extreme weather can't stop you. With that long dress and umbrella in your hand, you walk under pouring rain. 

Everyone was walking quickly to stay away from the rain. But you were slower than them, with everything in your mind. You just want to keep walking. But the trip is short. 

You have arrived at the store. The light was still on, and someone was waiting near the door. "Hello, Miss L/N." Only Amelia's boutique called you with your last name. 

"Boss has told me. Here's the package." You thanked him, then you heard the loudest thunder.

"Where’s your car ma'am?" 

"It's near. Thank you Jack." You said goodbye and left him.

While you're walking, tears keep falling from your eyes. You could see your tears drop on the floor if it wasn't raining. Leaving the traces of you crying. You crouched down and buried your head between your knees. 

You cry your hearts out before you get into the car. 

The rain was pouring too hard. Even the car headlights couldn't make the stress clear. 

Every car drives slowly, but there will always be one car that wants to go against the rule. 

"Honkkkkkkk!" Someone drives way over the speed limit.

The moment you stand up and walk across the streets, the drunk driver can't control the steering wheel, and the car goes out of control. 

The last thing you see is a blinding light, then something heavy hits you, making you fall and hit the ground. 

"KYAAH!!! SOMEONE GOT HIT BY A CAR!"

You hear someone screaming. Is it towards you?

Perhaps. Because you couldn't move your head.

You heard that you will have a flashback of your life before you die.  They were right.

You don't want to remember any memory of Lloyd. Instead, you want to remember the moment with you celebrating your father's birthday and your sister and brother. 

If you could rewind time, you want to return to that day.

'Biip' 'Biip'

"Uurgh"

'Mia, turn off your damn alarm.' You want to shout, but none of the words come from your mouth. Why does your body feel heavy? You try to move your body, but you can't.

"Call the doctor, I saw her finger move." Then a voice suddenly appeared. Why did she hear the word of the doctor?

"Mom?" You hear a female voice. But why does she keep calling Mom near your ears?

"Mom, I'm sorry." Then you hear a boy crying and sobbing. 

'What the heck is going on? Did your brother prank you? Why did someone keep calling you a mom?"

And why is it so difficult to open your eyes? 

You slowly tried to open your eyelids. When you did it. The light was too bright. You were sure you turned off the light before you went to bed. 

"Omg, she opened her eyes!!!"

"I will call Dad."

'Father?' Oh right, today is your father's birthday. 

You try to turn your head, but it hurts. 

"Mother, don't move too much. Are you thirsty? Do you want to drink?"

Yes, even though you don't understand why she called you mother, your eyes blinked to say yes. 

She puts a straw in the glass of water and brings it closer to your lips.

"Slowly Mom, or you will get choked." She gently rubbed your back.

After you tasted the water, you felt refreshed. It felt like you never drank water. Your throat doesn't feel hurt anymore. 

You look around, then realize you're in the hospital.

"I will raise the bed." This girl is kind; when you look at her closely, her face looks like someone's. 

Then the boy who cried before came back dragging a man. 

"Look, Dad, moms awake."

You looked at the man wearing a black turtle neck shirt and beige colour. His face looks like that crying boy.

You've never seen him before, but he kept looking at you. 

He walked closely and touched your face. His fingers gently caressed your face.

"I'm so glad you woke up."

'Did I sleep so long that it made everyone cry?'

This man's face got closer to your face, but you moved away. You met him for the first time, and you felt scared of him.

"Y/N?"

And he knows your name. 

But you don't know who he is and the other two youngsters. You can't help but ask, "Who… are… you?"

Any reblog, comment, and feedback are appreciated. I want to know what you guys think about this one.

Series Masterlist || Chapter 1, Chaper 2 , Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6 , -

If you enjoy the story, please send me a coffee Ko-fi . Thank you 💖💖💖

#dark!lloyd hansen x reader #dark!lloyd hansen #lloyd hansen x you #lloyd hansen x y/n #lloyd hansen x reader #lloyd hansen #lloyd hansen x fem!reader #husband!lloyd hansen #the grey man au #the grey man #chris evans characters

[aibidil]

we gotta stop telling moms* to learn to ask for and accept help

this is a pseudo-mental-health bullshit way of subtly individualizing a multilayered structural and societal (often classist) problem wherein people in general, parents especially, mothers specifically, and neurodivergent mothers to the extreme, are left to fend for ourselves in ways that are frankly unprecedented in the history of human beings

I'm sure there are people who struggle to ask for help. (I've never been one of them.) What I'm saying is, even if they could learn to, it wouldn't solve anything!

Let's look at the assumptions behind "you need to learn to ask for help!"

That there's someone to ask. Who tf are we meant to be asking? If you live in a culture where families have scattered, you might not have any family nearby. Maybe you're lucky enough to have a partner, but if so, I feel like we can already assume you're asking for help from them, and them from you. (If you're not, that's a whole separate issue.) But often the overwhelm isn't such that an equitable division of labor between two parents can solve the problem. I have one non-partner family member nearby whom I can ask for help, and that actually feels pretty lucky.

That people you ask will agree to help. I recently messaged the entire school community list begging someone to drive one of my kids home on Wednesdays, figuring that many people must be going in that direction anyway and surely someone would be willing to stop the car and let my kid out at the end of my street. When I didn't get any responses from the wider community, I sent a smaller plea to the parents in my kids' classes. Nothing! Nada!

That our problems are such that others can (easily) help. There's a tragic het script that's like "I don't bother to ask him for help because I end up doing more work to get him to help than it would've been to do myself" (and yes that's fucked), but that's not even what I'm pointing to here. There are so many ways that the structures of our society make it so that people can't get help from others. School pickup, for example: most schools have policies that only parent/guardians or someone given prior permission can pick up students. If a parent is unexpectedly in a jam, this makes finding help a lot trickier and probably involves calling the school and trying to grant last-minute permission. Helping a kid with homework, for example: No matter what I do, teachers email/call me. This means that if I assign this task to my partner or some other person, I have to constantly be an in-between who is like, the arbiter of information. Going to the pharmacy: once I went to the pharmacy to help a neighbor with a kid who had been vomiting for 12 hours straight, and it was so difficult. First I had to pick up their insurance card, write down the kid's name, dob, etc. I still didn't know half the answers to things they asked me as I painstakingly eventually managed to pick up this kid's prescription.

That you have money to pay for outsourcing. Often, when it comes down to it, the only way our society seamlessly allows for help is through monetizing the tasks. It's possible to hire housecleaners or a nanny, for example. You can pay for grocery delivery. But (even if you're totally fine with becoming an employer, which I've never been) is that financially within reach for most people? No!!!

That the tasks that are hardest for you are tasks that can be outsourced. With adhd, my biggest chore struggles are getting myself to water the plants and getting myself to fill the pill organizers. These are not the easiest chores to get help with! I mean, even laundry would be easier, as you could chuck it all into a giant bag and hand it over to a service to be washed. But plants? They're all over my house and on different watering schedules. The pill organizers? That's controlled substances (Adderall, baby) and it's confusing with multiple times of day, etc -- who is going to take that on? Even my partner is too worried to get it wrong.

That, even if you have money, the service you need exists. I really want help with food preparation, but I have MCAS and specific dietary needs. Also, I don't want help with dinners (my partner does that) so much as I want help with snacks/lunch. I know what I would make if I had the energy to. There are no services in my area that could help me. I guess I could hire a personal chef, but I can't even begin to afford that and even then, many wouldn't work bc they're not all willing to work with different dietary needs. I tried finding something I could order by mail, but there's nothing that's a great fit and it's all too expensive for me.

The problem is not that moms don't know how to ask for and accept help. Every time we say that, we reinforce the idea that the problem is an individual one, that the fault lies with moms. It's a structural one, and it doesn't. Many of us are well aware of how to ask for help. If we aren't asking, it's because we know it's futile.

*The choice to gender this as "moms" is a conscious one, even though it also applies to some men and nb people. In my view, it really is a gendered problem that overwhelmingly affects women who are mothers. Because of that, generalizing to "people" or "parents" seems to me like it would be watering down the problem, at best, or erasing the gendered component of the problem, at worst. We also shouldn't say "you need to learn to ask for help" to dads, nonbinary parents, and non-parents—but we generally don't say that to those groups anyway! The vast majority of the time, I see this being said specifically to mothers. Moreover, the response that dads get to asking for help is often different. A dad asking for help strikes people as going above and beyond and is therefore more likely to trigger people to actually help him. Think about dads whose wife goes out of town and all these people bring him casseroles. Our society is often really good at giving some help—but only in extreme cases (emergencies like acute sickness or hospital stays, grief, ….a dad alone with kids for some reason, etc), and moms asking for help with mundane things simply does not count as a justification for help in most people's minds.

#idk what to tag this #parenting #mothers #motherhood #feminism #individualism

[eletricheart]

Evermore

(Mira Kano x Reader)

*image creds to the owner

Word count: 1.343

"I rewind the tape but all it does is pause on the very moment all was lost"

----------------------------------------------------

Mira just watched as Usagi did everything in her power to save Arisu. For a second she wanted to continue the game, she wanted to win, but as they held hands once her illusion had faded, Mira was reminded of someone she tried so hard to forget.

♡♡♡

You met during Mira's third game, it was a level 4 clubs. The challenge was easy enough, you would be in pairs and the goal was to cross a labyrinth in an hour. The true issue was the pair should be tied together, and Mira is not a very trusting person, therefore, half an hour was you both arguing over which turn to take. You gave in eventually, but after almost falling in a trap she started to accept your suggestions. You tried talking to her when the game ended but she left in a hurry.

Your next encounter was two games later, this time it was a seven of spades. You were never a hero, finding the whole sacrifice plot a bit annoying, but something about Mira called out to you, hence you taking a bullet for her.

She helped you find a pharmacy and placed you down on the floor to find bandages and alcohol.

You were staring up at her, a bit dizzy because of the blood loss. "You know…I'm bleeding out on the floor."

She didn't even look back before answering. "Yes, that's quite obvious."

You chuckled. "Don't I deserve to know your name before my death?"

She smiled but quickly hid it from you. "You're too dramatic, I'm gonna fix it and you'll be fine." Mira answered, going back to you once she found all that was needed.

The woman gently cleaned your wound, constantly looking at your face to see if you were okay, to which you always gave a smile back. She was bandaging when decided to speak again. "Why did you do it?"

You furrowed your eyebrows, silently asking her to elaborate.

"Why did you jump in? You were lucky that the bullet went in and out, it was stupid."

You laughed, tilting your head before responding. "You saved me, back in the clubs game. I wanted to thank you but you wouldn't talk to me."

She let out a surprised laugh at this, shaking her head. "So, you got shot just because I didn't say hi?"

You nodded with a cheeky smile.

"My name is Mira. And don't do that again."

"I promise."

After these events you stayed together, even during the face cards neither would leave each other's sides. Mira would always claim that she needed a human shield, but at times when it was just the two of you, both would promise to protect and cherish each other.

The other members of the group kept thanking you for slowing down her psychotic nature, you would always laugh. Mira hated it, especially the fact that it was true. Before you she was willing to throw anyone under the bus, her colleagues occasionally being an exception but she wouldn't trust them. After you, the woman would not only help them during the games but would offer advice with no cruel twist. Of course Mira didn't truly change, you just taught her how to appear trustworthy, therefore her ramblings and murder plots were reserved to you only.

Once the face cards began, your group decided to divide in specialties, leaving you and Mira for hearts games. 

The king of hearts was the first, Mira insisted on you sitting back but you would never leave her. It was a hard one considering you wouldn't play just with her. It was collective trust, which rarely works so chaos and serial deaths were the obvious result. At one point it was rumored that only one person was making it out alive, even Mira almost believed in that. However, you never let go of her hand and for that she was forever grateful.

The aftermath was painful, you both were not only covered in blood but still trying to wrap your mind on what happened. You walked back to a safe house nearby for a quick shower and food to prepare for the jack of hearts.

With only one final challenge, you both decided to take the day to breathe. She organized a tea party while you set up the croquet game. She beat you in every round, but would always hug you when you frowned when losing, saying that the act of trying was already a win. When the night fell, you gladly gave her a new haircut and in return she painted a few streaks of your hair red.

The last game was queen of hearts.

The challenge was supposed to be simple, but playing alone would take too much and there was no telling on how long the visa would last. After the queen explained the rules, Mira pulled aside to ask you to wait for her to finish but you insisted on doing it together. "This hearts game is for only one winner, don't be stupid."

You rolled your eyes in annoyance. "Mira, look at it, both of us would finish it in half the time. There's no use in trying alone when the queen almost explicitly stated that the visa wouldn't last."

"I…I just don't want you getting hurt."

You gave her a side smile and pulled her close enough so your foreheads would touch. "I'll be okay, we've won together once, we can do it again."

Mira reluctantly nodded and kissed you before accepting the challenge.

You were both right in the end, the game ended quickly once both were playing but it was meant for just one winner. But this was a hearts game, therefore, for it to be game over, all you had to do was drink the water. One was signed as safe while the other was signed as poison. You knew Mira would never allow you to drink, but she was distracted in arguing with the queen so you removed the signs and gave her the safe water.

"Here, apparently you have to drink for the game to end."

She arched an eyebrow at you and suspiciously looked at the queen, who highlighted that everything was explained, including the content of the glasses.

Mira accepted the glass you were offering and took careful sips before drinking it all. When you drank it, the queen congratulated and sat back on her chair waiting. 

You pulled Mira to a corner and sat on the floor. She followed you and rested her head on your shoulder. "I suppose you were right."

You gave her a sad smile. "I'm sorry."

She raised her head, giving you a confused look. "For what?"

"I broke my promise."

It took her a minute to fully understand. At first Mira asked you to stop lying, then she hugged you and reassured you she could fix it. She also did try to kill the queen but you held her back, the game master boringly said that it would be like falling asleep and there was no need for such panic. This time you allowed Mira to throw something at her.

Though the queen wasn't lying, you started to slip in and out of consciousness. Mira kept talking to you, kept saying she could fix it, that it would be okay.

You felt weak, your body was slowly shutting down but you still smiled at her. "It's okay, I'm glad you won."

She shook her head trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall. "No no no no, we can find a way, we both can win, please we can win, please."

It was truly like falling asleep, she held you as the laser killed the queen, she held you when she accepted to become a citizen, and she cried.

♡♡♡

A tear slipped Mira's eye as she saw her own final game in them. So she finished it, for you. Mira did what she wished someone had done for you, she saved them, she let there be two winners.

"I had a feeling so peculiar, this pain wouldn't be for evermore."

----------------------------------------------------

masterlist

#non canon #fanfic #mira kano #aib mira #aib imagines #aib x reader #aib x you #aib #alice in borderland #mira kano x reader #angst #no happy ending #Spotify

[theendwhereibegin]

Let's normalise speaking about our struggles, be them personal, medical, or professional. You never know who can benefit from your story. Someone might go through the same things and will feel less lonely and more understood. You may be that one story that changes their lives.

I'll start.

Being a woman isn't easy. Being a woman is more than meets the eye. It's more than dresses, make-up, and girls' nights out. Being a woman comes with a lot of struggles, struggles that men will never go through because, biologically speaking, they can't.

It's not enough that we have to battle pain every month and try to lead a normal day to day life by going through all that. No, it was definitely not enough, so the universe added, on top of all that, medical issues that make our monthly struggles even worse, almost incompatible with a normal life.

One of those many medical issues became my reality 2 years ago when I was diagnosed with a fibroid.

I have struggled prior to that for a lot of years, years in which I saw specialists who told me that I should relax, it's normal for a woman to feel pain. No one understood that the level of pain I was dealing with was crippling and causing me anxiety every month for at least 1 full day. That day I couldn't move, breathe, or even stay in bed and even with this description, specialists put it down as being normal period pains. Yes! I said period, big deal.

Because, medically speaking, everyone said I was okay, I took the normal over the counter pain relief medication which worked for a while, until it stopped and nothing I could find in a pharmacy could relieve the pain.

I thought stress is one of the factors that added to the pain so I moved on the other side of Europe, in hopes that pursuing a new life and being genuinely happy for the first time in my life would help my body recover. It didn't.

As another year went by with the same level of pain I finally caved and went to see another specialist and begged her while crying to do something because I can't live like this anymore. She understood me. She understood my struggles, and for the first time, I felt heard and seen.

When I was told that my crippling pain was caused by a fibroid, I felt like the entire world just collapsed on me. There was something wrong with me, and no one has been able to pick up on it up until her. There was something wrong with one of the most important parts of me, the part of me that would someday make me a mother, and that was enough to send me spiralling right there in the doctor's office.

Fortunately for me, the specialist was amazing and talked me through everything and explained to me that it's not my fault and that the fact that no one has managed to diagnose me properly had added up on everything my body was already going through. I was prescribed the proper treatment and sent home. Even with proper treatment, I am still going to the depths and hell and back some months, but at least, it's not every month at this point, which I am grateful for.

Unfortunately for other women, they weren't as lucky as me to have a doctor who would be willing to talk freely about their issue. Unfortunately for other women, they are still being told it's normal period pains and that we all go through pain monthly. Unfortunately for other women, they are still seeing dozens of specialists and leave their practices without a proper diagnosis, a diagnosis that is so important.

Unfortunately, even in 2024, having a fibroid or endometriosis diagnosis is almost impossible because most doctors can't even pick up on it while seeing patients. So many girls and women struggle monthly, and their issues are written off as being something they are not. So many girls and women feel ashamed to even go back into a doctors office after they've been sent home so many times without the proper diagnosis and medication. So many of us feel unheard and unseen and just choose to crawl into a corner and not bother anyone anymore.

I am here to tell you that you are not alone and that, in fact, what you are going through has a name and most certainly is not caused just because we were born as women. I am here to tell you that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how far it may seem to be. Never give up. If you feel pain at levels that surpass anything you have ever felt before, don't give up and barge through those doors and demand to be seen. Don't let them tell you it's normal to be in so much pain just because everyone goes through it. Not everyone goes through this hell every month. It's not normal to be in so much pain you can't even move or breathe. It's not normal to cry in bed begging for help. It's not normal to go through so much pain you actually start wishing you weren't born to begin with.

You deserve a normal life, even if not entirely pain-free. You deserve to have those good months in which you feel you can conquer the world. It's not normal to crawl out of bed in pain every month of your life. You deserve a break, even if for a couple of months at a time, but you deserve that.

If the second opinion didn't work, get a 4th, 5th, 10th, until you walk out with a proper diagnosis, because, girls, we deserve to be heard and taken care of.

If you need someone to talk to, someone who is going through the same thing as you are, I am here. We can talk treatments, pain relief, and technique. We can talk about anything and everything, because we are stronger together.

#lifestory #life #uterine fibroids #fibroid treatment #endometriosis

[deadendsave]

Barbara Short’s Journal (2023)

1: The mayor personally came by my office and asked me if I wanted to sell my property. He said the park was an eyesore. I laughed in his face. Coming into my office and insulting me, he’s so full of himself. I’ve been running this place for 20 years, and I’m not about to sell it. He tried persuading me by assuring me that the current resident would be given priority access to the apartments that would be built in its place… as if they could afford the rent.

2: I don’t like them Davis boys. Most people try to forget about that family and their mill, but I won’t. I see what the mayors plans are. He’s trying to run all of us out of here. He wants to bring in new residents who are younger and have more money. His brother’s just as bad as him. Last Sunday he tried to tell me I should sell the park to his brother. Pfft. The only reason I still go to his church is because it’s the only one in town.

3: To Do List: call exterminator for Ray / Collect rent from Brielle / Refill prescriptions

4: I went by Ray’s while the pest control man was there. I was disgusted by what I saw. I’m not stupid; I knew what him and his girlfriend had been doing in there, but I didn’t expect him to trash the place as much as they did. No wonder they’ve got infestations. The windows were all foiled up, and mouse droppings were all over the floor. He did a good job hiding all of his stuff, but he left a glass pipe on the counter. I was furious. I gave him a final warning.

5: Brielle’s short on rent again. The girl’s lucky I got a soft spot for her and that baby. I know she’s working hard waitressing, but I don’t know how I’ll be able to keep affording this. It costs a lot of money to run a place like this, I’ve got bill collectors calling.

6: Mayor Davis wants to buy Todd’s bar and Margaret’s bookstore. He’s trying to get rid of all the places that’ve been here for years. That man just doesn’t stop. Millhaven has beautiful historic buildings, I don’t know how his plans to destroy them all even for approved. Half of the town has been demolished for new constructions.

7: When I got home last night, I went to watch ‘The Young and The Restless’ on DVR, but an emergency news broadcast interrupted it. They said there’s a new virus going around, and it’s deadly if your immune system is weak.

8: This isn’t good, LHV isn’t some regular virus. The news didn’t tell us this at first and made it seem less serious. It’s turning people into monsters. I’m going to get some things from the grocery store and pharmacy, then I’m staying at the park so I can make sure everyone is safe. Nobody knows, but I’ve got a handgun in my safe at the office.

9: It just keeps getting worse. Portland and Salem are under full military control. Everyone in Millhaven is hiding in there homes. It’s only a matter of time before LHV hits us.

10: People are out of their minds. I went to the grocery store, and the shelves were empty. Everyone is buying everything up. I got as much as I could for me and the people are the park. I knew Brielle probably hasn’t gotten groceries yet.

11: Brielle’s so worried. She said her dad is coming to pick her up tomorrow. I don’t think it’s a good idea, but she said his house is secluded. I know she’s desperate, because she hates her daddy. I don’t understand how he could not talk to her all this time, but now he suddenly wants to help. He never helped her out before, kicking her out of his house at 17 because she got pregnant. I hope he keeps her safe.

12: That deadbeat never showed up, and now the phone lines are down. I told Brielle to pack up her and Leah's things. I'm taking them to my house, I’ll keep them safe there.

stray note, trailer park office:

I drawed this for you Miss Barbara. That’s you at your offise. - Leah

[strawberrylucv]

Genshin HC's when you tell them "I think I'm in love."

LOL OK; so theres a very popular demand on the "get out of my house." fic and im already working on it!! have some headcanons for awhile!! here yall go :))

✦ft. Diluc, Zhongli, Childe, Kaeya, Albedo.

✦warnings : mutual pining, fluff!! headcanons under the cut, mild swearing

PART 2 IS OUT! : Confession time

.　 *　.　 . 　 ° 　. ● ° ..　 *　.　 . 　 ° 　. ● ° ..　 *

Diluc

would lowkey stop what he was doing

by lowkey i mean like, slowly place the wine glass he was wiping just a second ago on the table

"Love? That's a strong word, Y/N."

"I know that."

at the back of his mind, he wishes you would say 'I'm in love with you'

he would listen to you, ranting about what you were feeling

he tried asking what they look like

"What do they even look like?"

"Well, they're pretty good-looking, sometimes too serious, but deep down they're just trying hard to protect everyone."

"Hm..."

yea, you were talking about him

but he's kinda dense

so he just stood there, pondering who is this person making you think you were in love

he was absolutely jealous

he begs to the archons that you weren't going to say Kaeya

because if you did, he would be so damn heartbroken

when it was time to go home, he grabbed your wrist

he didn't know why

he just didn't want you to go yet

"Tomorrow afternoon." he says as you look at his hand holding your wrist.

"What?"

"Meet me here, Tomorrow afternoon."

"But tomorrow's your rest day?"

"Exactly."

maybe he had something important to say to you ;)

Zhongli

he almost dropped his tea

he thought you would always stay with him

guess he thought wrong.

he would ask 'why love?'

"Why love? Can't it be just infatuation?

"Because, every time I go home, I want to see them again. They're always on my mind, it's crazy. Then, I could notice all the little things they would do. It's adorable."

he looked down at his tea

'Can't it be me'

"Will you let me meet them?' he smiles as he brings his teacup to his mouth

he would want nothing else but your happiness

"Nope."

he coughed up his tea back

what??? why not??

you grab a napkin to clean the mess on his face

you were so close

he looked at you with endearing eyes

he wasn't ready to see you go

with someone else

that wasn't him

so he stood up from his seat, you were taken aback by this

"I want to tell you something." he offered his hand to help you.

"What?" you say as you took his hand.

"Not here. Follow me."

guess he has to tell you something~~i wonder what--

Childe

THIS MAN WAS SMILING BUT HE REALLY WANTED TO GO FOUL LEGACY ON THE PERSON MAKING YOU FEEL THAT

but he wouldn't show you that

while you were getting giddy and flustered

he was thinking of plans on finding out who you like

like, he was about to order his subordinates for you

he was dead serious

he asked you 'who's the lucky person' with a smile

"To be honest, they're a bit stupid-"

"Then why are you in love with them?" he cuts you off, he looked at you with the most dead stare ever.

"They're also really caring. They just want their family to be safe and I think that's what made me fall for them. They're also very hot."

he accidentally thought out loud 'I'm hot too'

you looked at him

he looked at you

oh fuck, he said that??

well damn.

you laughed so hard

his ears turned red

god that was embarrassing-

he bit his lip and continued to hear your laughter

if only he could stop time,

if only it was him who you were thinking of,

if only he could have you by his side forever.

when you stopped laughing you turned to him

"Tell you what, I'll let you meet them!"

"..hooray!" his heart clenched when you said that.

"Meet me by the pond near Bubu Pharmacy in the evening?"

"...Y/N, I don't think-" he wasn't ready to be broken so easily.

"You'll come right?"

he could never say no to you, especially since you looked so excited

he'll tell you too, that he had feelings for you. even if someone else had your heart, he had to tell you.

"Of course." he smiled at you warmly, he had to be strong, for you.

ohh, how is he gonna tell you doee~

Kaeya

he was all smiles till you said that

he wasn't unhappy but he felt something wrong

oh, it might be the fact that he harbored feelings for you

but he was still questioning if it was just friendship

guess he was too late

wait, he didn't care if he was too late

what he did care was that you were in love

with who though.........

"Y/N, are you in love with me?" he joked around but he was hoping you would say yes, please say yes. This would be a perfect night for you to confess to him

"Oh Kaeya-"

"Say yes."

he caught you by surprise.

oh wait.

he's the one confessing to you now

he didn't even ask how and who the person was

he was getting red by the second since you just stared at him

sheesh, there this tension between you guys

you laugh by how red the flirtatious cavalry caption could get

"What would happen if I say yes?" you try to wipe the tears that were caused by his sudden seriousness.

what would happen?

FUCK HE WASNT THINKING

he just

just wanted you to be with him

ok yea, he didn't want you to be in love with anyone else except him

so he says:

"Want to know?"

ohoho, i wonder~~~

Albedo

love..?

love.....

he doesn't really know what love is

but he felt this twinge inside of him

like he was-

was it jealousy?

because he really didn't want you to leave when you made him feel like this

"What is...love, Y/N?" he asked you while he placed his sketchbook on a nearby table

"Love? Well, your chest would feel like its always about to explode-"

was that what he was feeling every time you were going to his camp?

"-When they tell you that they have to go to dangerous places, you wished they wouldn't have to. That they'd stay here with you. Just with you."

oh, is that why he had those thoughts when you went off to do your commissions? where he silently wished you would be safe?

"When they tell you something that only you two would share, it would send you on cloud nine."

he was always feeling something whenever he's with you,

was that cloud nine?

is he in love with you?

is this love?

oh,

it is.

then the person making you feel in love-

who the hell? who was it?

there was one thing he needed to do

"Y/N. I think I'm in love."

"W-W-What?" you stutter your words. He was so straightforward with you. He shocked you by his sudden confession.

"With--"

oh--with who? ;;;)

#genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin x you #genshin x male reader #genshin x gender neutral reader #genshin x female reader #genshin headcanons #genshin impact headcanons #genshin impact #genshin diluc #genshin childe #genshin kaeya #genshin zhongli #genshin albedo #genshin impact albedo #genshin impact zhongli #genshin impact kaeya #genshin impact childe #childe genshin impact #genshin impact diluc #diluc ragnivindr x reader #diluc ragnvindr #kaeya alberich #kaeya alberich x reader #zhongli x reader #childe #childe x reader #genshin headcanon #genshin impact headcanon #diluc headcanons

[stagefoureddiediaz]

The 16th of April is semi colon day - a day to celebrate those who chose not to end their lives because their stories are not over yet." It pays tribute to those who have thought about or attempted suicide, and it informs people about how common suicide is.

I’m still here - 3 attempts at suicide later - my story continues after those 3 pauses and I’m in a much better place now.

But it could’ve been very different. I’m going to share a bit about my 3 attempts but I’m putting it below the cut so it is hidden from those who might find it triggering.

A bit of context to start - I’ve always felt I don’t have the same instruction manual for life as everyone else - society makes little sense to me it’s an odd and confusing place that causes me much stress and anxiety. Turns out I have both ASD and ADHD but being female and having my childhood at a time when both were considered ‘male only’ conditions I didn’t know this was the case - until I was in my mid 20’s. So I’d been struggling through life draining my energy masking and trying to force myself into societal norms I didn’t understand. Then my mum died - my rock, and the one person who understood me best (even without my diagnosis) and I spiralled.

My already fragile mental health took a nose dive and on the first anniversary of her death I decided I couldn’t survive life any longer so over a couple of days, I went round all the pharmacies and super markets and brought as many packets of paracetamol, aspirin and ibuprofen as I could, bottles of water and then made my way to the nearby park. I texted my ex boyfriend (who I was still close with - it was toxic for me to maintain that relationship but that’s another story for another time!) to tell him goodbye - my suicide note if you will - and proceeded to take the tablets - nearly 200 of them. In a twist of fate my ex happened to be just down the road from where I was and he got to me and stopped me taking any more tablets and took me to A&E. One stomach pumping later I was assessed and sectioned under the mental health act. I was an inpatient for 6 weeks and in that time I was forced to attend group therapy sessions - something that I found incredibly traumatising and actually made my mental health deteriorate further although the medication was numbing me at this point.

Once released I moved home to live with my dad - we’d had a fractured relationship since my teen years - I wanted to study art, he wanted me to do academic subjects, he couldn’t understand why I always felt like I was struggling, etc etc. But he was there for me then and he has been ever since. The problem was I was still ill and I hated the medication I was on because it essentially made me like a zombie (I was on the wrong meds for me as it turns out) so I stopped taking them - bad idea - I spiralled and ended up taking more pills - although this time I happened to have some stronger pain meds from having my wisdom teeth removed so I downed all of them and some cocodamol - then I panicked and called the Samaritans - an amazing person listened to me and got me help. Stomach pumping round two and I managed to avoid being sectioned this time - I got lucky and had an amazing psychologist who undertook my assessment and she listened to how traumatising is found group therapy etc last time around so a plan was drawn up for me to have 1:1 therapy with several different therapists (art therapy, cbt, horse therapy and interpersonal therapy to name a few) as well as taking up yoga and changing medication.

All the above took place over the space of about 10 months. Afterwards I was good for about 3 years - I had moved back to London in the second of those 3 years to restart my career in theatre and it was all going well. Then my ex next door neighbour started stalking me after I moved out of our apartment complex. I spiralled a bit and started drinking heavily - you’re not supposed to drink on the pills which I hadn’t paid attention to, but until this point me drinking consisted of one or two Jack and cokes a week and the odd glass of champagne! Well now I was drinking most nights to cope with the stalking stress - the police got involved and I took out a restraining order which thankfully was enough to make him stop - but I still spiralled. I took a holiday to try and clear my head - so I went somewhere to be by the sea. The sea had always been a calming influence on me (it still is) but I wasn’t coping very well and decided to let the ocean take me - so I waded in until my feet no longer touched the floor and then I ducked under water with no intention of coming back up. Well the sea decided it didn’t want me to die by it’s hand that day so it spat me back out into the beach (those reading this who watch 911 will understand why I found 5x12 Boston so triggering and had to take a step back for a few days)

That was the last time I tried to end my life. I changed medication again. Completely stopped drinking and decided to move out of London and go back to university. I now have both a BA and an MA, I’m no longer on medication but I speak to my therapist once a week and then finally I got my ASD and ADHD diagnosis’ I’m waiting to see if they’ll give me adhd meds but knowing my brain is wired differently and that’s why the world has never made sense is so freeing- I’m happier in my skin.

If you’ve read to the end of this - thank you - from the bottom of my heart thank you. If you yourself are struggling - know this - there is alway hope and there are people who will listen. It’s not an easy path and there will be stumbles and mis-steps along the way but still being here is the greatest gift so take each day one at a time and know that my dm’s are always open if you feel alone and need someone to listen. To my fandom friends -you all mean the world to me - were an amazing community and you bring such joy to my life - I’ve never felt more accepted anywhere than I have right now in the 911 fandom so keep being incredible each and every one of you.

💜💜💜

#semi colon day #world semi colon day #project semi colon #project semicolon #; #I’m still here #my story didn’t end #suicide awareness #suicide prevention #share your story #tw #tw; suicide

[komoreangel]

𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐨𝐩𝐡𝐨𝐛𝐢𝐚

pairing: scaramouche x fem!reader

scenario: you met when you were both very young, and since the day he left you behind he still feels an undying fear for what sight would await him if he dared to return home.

or…

thantophobia - the fear of losing a loved one. but he had made it perfectly clear that you did not fall under that category when he left you and all of your promises behind.

request: okok my first idea was: scaramouche childhood friends to enemies to lovers. take with that what you will <3

a/n: hi anon ty so very much for the request we all know i love scara <33 but i did tweak it a bit basically its childhood friends to enemies to scara loves reader but reader isnt convinced (with a hint of 'ive always loved you' thrown in)

side note: this is a rewrite of an excerpt i wrote for a scara x oc, in which the oc was female (the same is said here but i will avoid using pronouns) and adopted into the kamisato clan as a princess (minor inazuma spoilers). the same situation is stated here. also i am 1000% willing to write more of this (includes my personal headcanons for scaramouche’s backstory, not canon!!)

growing up, you had always had poor health

your mother worried for you a lot when you were younger

she didn’t like to let you go outside much either

you spent most of your time in the palace walls while she worked, frequently being taken to see the royal physician

you would sit outside the door while your parents talked with the doctors about your “condition”

you weren’t even that sick

just weak for your age

that was when you first met him

he was training to be a soldier along his father

you were like a ghost in his eyes

sitting in the hall in the middle of the night

knees pushed to your chest, snoozing in the soft light of the moon

he was naturally a curious boy, so he kneeled in front of you and poked your shoulder

“hello?”

you startled awake

“wah-!” he fell back at your sudden movement

“who are you?” you asked

your voice was soft, and gentle, like a midnight breeze

“i’m [redacted].”

you remember what he told you, but some part of that memory had been erased from your mind…you wonder to this day what he could have said.

“my name is y/n.”

he thought it was a pretty name, although he wasn’t going to say anything

the two of you sat in the moonlight, talking quietly amongst yourselves

“why are you sitting outside the physician’s office?” he asked you

“my mama says i’m sick, and that going outside will make it worse.”

“oh. are you going to get better soon?”

you smile at him, a gesture that makes his chest tighten, although he can’t fathom why.

“yeah! she says that if we can afford to get some medicine from liyue, i’ll be all better! then i can start making friends!”

he slightly smiles

“can i be your friend, [redacted]?”

you had even said the name yourself once. why couldn’t you remember it?

his expression shifts to a slightly surprised look

“you…want to be my friend?”

he was quiet even then, and his silent expression would grow to an angry one over time

“yeah! you’re interesting, and you’re one of the few people who bothers to talk to me.”

he doesn’t speak for a while.

“you can say no if you want to.” you say to him.

“okay. i’ll be your friend.”

it’s a short response, but the bright grin that lights up your face makes it worth the wait

“yay! i can’t wait till i’m better so we can hang out more!”

you two talked in that hallway a lot

meeting after dark, talking about anything in the world

when you were about six, the worst of your illness hit you

the doctors didn’t even know what was wrong, and there were nights when he would sit outside the physician’s office alone at night, hoping, praying that the sun would shine on a world that still had you in it

you would collapse from exhaustion at the slightest overexertion

his father always told him he had to be careful with you, not only were you shorter than him, but you were also very fragile

those hours spent sitting in the hallway alone, he got to do a lot of thinking

he wanted to help you, but he didn’t know how

then, there was a sudden burst of hope

you were going to liyue with your parents

you would get the help you needed

he was happy for you, even if it meant you would have to spend time away from him

and then there was the terrible news

the ship had gone missing

you had too

he couldn’t sleep for days on end

his father was worried too

when he saw you again, you found yourself shuddering on the shores of inazuma

he wrapped his arms around you as tight as he could, as if his strength alone could undo everything that had happened

it was one of the few times he showed affection in public

he rushed you to the healer again

and this time there was no hoping

there was no praying

there was just the pit in his stomach, the fear that coursed through his veins and fueled his blood

every second felt like a decade, it was a moment in which you weren’t perfectly healthy and safe

the townspeople began to spread rumors, as people do

the guard’s son who was lovesick with worry for the sickly orphan girl

what a pity, no?

he wanted to shut them up. he wished he had the power to shut them up.

when even his father had to drag him away from the pharmacy, he didn’t talk to anyone for a very long time.

this was around the time he grew sour and snappy

his simply quiet demeanor developed into a scowl that constantly graced his face

he only smiled the day you were released from the physicians.

you weren’t fully healed. but you felt better than you ever had in your life.

his father took you in without a second thought, and he was just happy to have you with him.

“i’m better, scara.” you said to him, a happy smile on your face

“i was wondering when you’d hurry up and get well.”

you were a bit troubled by his attitude, but no less, you were happy to see your friend again.

it went like that for a long time.

he was rude, but you didn’t care because you knew what he was like underneath.

some nights he would sneak into your room and talk to you.

he told you he was just bored and felt like annoying you.

but his real reason was to make sure you were still breathing.

he always worried about you

so the day you received your vision, he felt a lot of relief

surely this meant that you could protect yourself. you were safe.

then the worst of all things happened.

his fathers death.

the day he felt like his world was ripped from underneath his feet.

almost immediately, the electro archon, baal, herself, intervened, and declared that you were to be adopted into the kamisato clan.

why you? why couldn’t he keep you with him? he was old enough to be able to take care of both of you

baal didn’t like his questioning. she said she knew what was best for you.

it was strange. because in the days he spent with you after, although not many, you didn’t seem sick at all.

for the first time, you seemed perfectly healthy.

he was glad for that…but he wasn’t happy. you could see that easily.

you knew this wasn’t the right thing for him

he stuck around for a year. you suppose you’re lucky he even stayed that long. you were pretty much his only reason.

sure he found friends in ayaka and kazuha…but he was unhappy.

he knew there was no point in staying, so he thought it was time he took his leave.

he approached you one day, as the sun began to set

you were worried for him, as he had been very angry towards baal and the emperor lately.

“scara, is there something you want to talk about?”

you watch as he stands before you

he blurts out, “run away with me.”

you’re taken aback almost immediately.

“what?”

he repeats his statement

“i’m going to flee from inazuma. come with me.”

“scara..”

his expression, as it does often these days, turns stern and serious.

“i’m not going to ask you again. come with me, y/n.”

you’re tired of him ordering you around.

“you know i can’t. i have duties here. i can’t just betray my country for you.”

“you know baal wants me gone. she’s going to kill me if i stay. she might do the same to you.”

you scoff at his words. “she won’t harm me or you. you’re being dramatic.”

he spits out his next words, laced with venom. “baal killed my father. i hate her and so should you.”

“scara.”

“it’s like you’ve completely forgotten about him just because you’re royalty now.”

“scara.”

“don’t call me scara. come with me if you ever cared at all.”

“scaramouche!”

he goes quiet

“don’t go. please.”

he frowns

“you know i can’t do that.”

you want to try and make him stay

but he won’t. you know nothing you say will convince him. he won’t let himself be convinced by you, even if that’s what he truly wants.

you inhale

“get out of here.”

“what?”

“go. leave. and take this with you.”

you throw the necklace you were wearing at him, and he catches it. baal had exiled him, it was true, but he couldn’t expect you to throw everything away for him.

“wait, what are you-“

as the two of you stare each other down, you hear ayaka’s voice coming from the courtyard, calling for you.

she has a guard with her, as the emperor assigns every royal family member. you managed to ditch yours early on.

“the guard is gonna get you if you stay, scara. get out of here, now.”

he scoffs

“whatever. i can’t believe i thought you were worth risking my life.”

he pockets the necklace and steps over the wall, and he’s gone.

nine years of friendship and he threw you away like you were nothing

in truth, the minute he was out of sight, he threw down his bag in anger

he turned around and you weren’t there anymore

you gave up on him

so if he hated you, you deserved it

it might be worth a hefty price anyway.

at least that’s what he told himself

(he never stopped missing you. almost as soon as he joined the fatui, he requested an audience with the tsaritsa to ask her how you were doing.)

“a simple agent, asking that much of me? and for a girl? that’s very bold of you.”

upon hearing it was about you, the cryo archon grew very interested. of course she remembered you.

the sickly orphan she gifted a vision to at a very young age.

she told him you were well

what she didn’t tell him was about baal going berserk and massacring thousands of her people.

upon receiving the news, he felt that chill upon him once again

the fear that fell onto his shoulders, weighing him down, too scared to ask for more information. he didn’t want to be told you were gone.

“the royal family was not harmed.”

he felt his muscles relax as he calmed down.

he quickly reassumed an upright stance.

he was the sixth harbinger. he has no weaknesses. he cares for nothing and no one.

but beneath his mask, the fire of his love for you burned brighter than the flame of any pyro vision.

a/n: ok so i really enjoyed this….scara banner when. i did tweak it a bit but i have other things written for this scenario in which scara returns to inazuma and reader is (deservingly) PISSED with him :) lmk if you want me to post those !

#genshin impact #genshin x reader #genshin #genshin imagines #genshin impact x reader #genshin stuff #genshin impact x you #genshin x you #genshin impact imagines #genshin impact writing #genshin scaramouche #scaramouche x y/n #scaramouche genshin impact #genshin inazuma #scaramouche x reader #scaramouche x you #scaramouche genshin #scaramouche imagines #genshin impact scaramouche #kit.scara #kit.writings

[redjaybathood]

I always had been on the Jason Todd reads pulp fiction and that's why he's the way he is when he meets Batman. I mean, maybe not necessarily strictly pulp fiction, but rather a book salad, everything he gets his hands on. But he takes away and uses in the conversation what he thinks makes him look tough. He's a kid. He's not in school for six months and probably didn't have an opportunity to build a strong friendship - it's not that you can't have friends if you're poor, or a child from a criminal who's in jail and mother who's addict; but, it does limit you somewhat. It's rather hard to build a friend circle when you have to be a parent for your parent, and you're nowhere ready for it. I mean, he was probably as young as eight and as old as twelve.

At best it's casual classmate relationship, I think. And then he had to leave school and didn't have even that. And, if you're outgoing person by nature, or if you just lucky, I dunno, it might not even matter to you. But, for Jason, I think it did matter. It's not easy for him to build relationships, friendships. We got all sorts of flashback friends like Chris, Max, Dana, Gabbie (though she's more of an older teen helping out a child in need), Numbers. But I think it's fair to say that, as they never features heavily in his story, the friendship wasn't that deep. More like: I went through some shit together with them and I will remember their names and faces until my dying day, but as soon as circumstances that pulled us together, dissapeared (Dana - moved; Max - Jason went to Ma Gunn's; Numbers - Ma Gunn was arrested and Jason was adopted by Bruce Wayne), he never heard from them since, and didn't reach out - until something happened again (Max - his murder; Numbers - his attempted murder; Dana - I don't know what Martinbrough has in mind, because it's apparent they reconnected somewhen, before RHatO 51-52, but I sincerely doubt that even then they were anywhere near close after her move and before his comeback from the dead; at some point they're not only reconnected but Jason gave her keys to his house; there has to be a story there).

Point is, wherever you consider them or not to be a part of your preferred Jason Todd's life story, they couldn't be someone he had regular contact with.

Which leads me to: Jason Todd didn't really have friends, but he read a lot of books and that's kinda why he's the way he is. Especially his speech patterns when he talks to Batman for the first few times.

And for him,bit doesn't really get better from there, despite being adopted and living in luxury and relaxation. He still can't make friends - I assume it's because the kids his age who surround him now are very different from him, don't know where he's coming from, think he's a nerd. Plus, if before he couldn't really hang out with people because of shitty home life, now it's because of Robin. He couldn't even take extracurriculars he wanted! Sure, he got baseball, I think - but not theatre.

He, by sheer miracle and because Rena was new and Jason is cute, tries to make a friend with her. They get to hang out, I think, twice: one where Jason has to stop a robbery of, if I'm not mistaken, a pharmacy by their classmates. And the other time, he and Rena are in the movie theater and Jason has to run because of Bruce/Robin.

It's why Jason's friendship with Kid Devil works: no need to hide Robin; no time pressure with letters instead of real life meetings; and you don't need to actually talk. You can write.

I mean, when you read more than you talk to people, it's really easier to write than, well, talk to people.

And here we get Cass. She has it much much worse. It's not that she didn't have a lot of opportunities for friendships. SHE WASN'T TAUGHT TO TALK. She might understand speech somewhat, but, yeah, no. And up to eight yo she's isolated, it's only Cain, other trainers/punching bags, or her one and only victim. There's literally no one else. And then she's constantly on the run. Without speech or reading. I mean. Wow. You think Jason had it bad? You literally cannot imagine what it's like for Cass, because this level of abuse and trauma... Like. This is some The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog-level stuff.

And yet! And yet! Watch Cass just. Be herself. She became a courier/errand runner during No-Man's Land. It's social, in a way, and in distinctly positive way. I mean, she can fight, and don't you think a bone bruiser wouldn't be valued during No Man's Land? The only one who had firearms was Scarface and Cass, alone, could have wiped floor with him. But no, she chooses a job that is essentially helpful to people instead of destructive. And while she can't communicate - she does have to work with people. If not constantly, but at least at point A and at point B of her errand.

And then she becomes close to Oracle, becomes Batgirl, meta messes with her speech processing space in the brain, idk the technical term for that, sorry. But now she understands words and can talk too. She doesn't become a social butterfly or a chatterbox. But I think she does strive for connection, maybe thanks to her empathy it happens without her conscious thought, but it does happen. And sure, sometimes - most of the time - it's overwhelming. Because duh, trauma. And guilt. And trying to redeem herself in her own eyes by saving people. She literally puts her life on the line more than once. Starting with stepping in front of a bullet, or even running at them.

So yeah, she can't handle it all plus "normal life". She has her own Batcave eventually, where she does whatever she wants. Steph sometimes visits. She's friends with Tim, Barbara Stephanie, Conner, Connor... However briefly but she was on two teams.

It's fucking awesome, is what I mean, that she's not another brooding loner stereotype. She's... If hopepunk was a thing in 2000s, Batgirl is it, for the most part.

Why am I writing this post, if you disregard me trying to stave off the feeling of doom and anxiety, is actually simple and doesn't deserve to be that long as I made it. But basically: I reblogged a post about Cass watching TV to "learn to speak like normal people". And remembered my hc re: Jason (which is what above is). And it's like. Funny, a bit: Jason learning how to talk to people from books, and Cass learning to talk, period, from TV. The sheer comedic potential of their duo. Like. "I've been bamboozled!" vs "You bet your sweet patootie!", who would win?

In another, softer world, they're just.

They both experienced Twilight, and have, actually, zero opinions but understand the references and quote it when it's (not really) appropriate.

Or if not Twilight, but, Gossip Girl, Riverdale, Pretty Little Liars (all books/comic books with TV adaptations). I want one of them to quote it at and the other one to go all Spidermen pointing at each other meme. I want them trying to find common ground thanks to the media they consumed and fail spectacularly (gotta keep the conflict alive!). Just. Book nerd Jason Todd versus TV buff Cassandra Cain.

(bonus points for a gamer Stephanie Brown)

#jason todd #cassandra cain #meta #though less meta and more hc that doesn't contradict canon

[bebepac]

Six Sentence Sunday 07.11.21

Original Post Date: 07/11/21 at 11:40am EST

If no one else is excited to see it, I am.  Happy to bring you another six sentence Sunday with all my unfinished WIPS I have going on that are still not complete.  We’ll get there someday.  We will I promise.  Work is still work, but I have to look at the bright side, I should be thankful I have a job and have had a job during this whole pandemic even though being Essential has not been easy and down right scary at times, especially when Covid went through my Pharmacy, and it seemed like every other day we had someone with a positive diagnosis.

Here’s what I’ve posted in the past week in case you missed it and tags were being  terrible, which we know they are always “perfect.” 

Mia’s 🌎 World:  Date Night With Mia and Rubi

The Days the Earth Stood Still: Finding You Again 🍋🍋🍋

What are you working on:  @dcbbw @phoenixrising308 @sirbeepsalot  @speedyoperarascalparty @burnsoslow @sfb123​ @ao719​

SHOW ME THE STORY!!!!!!!

Without Further Ado, here’s the WIPS I’ve actually written on in this past week.  

Leave Me Snow-Lone

The Life of Riley Book 2: Chapter 6

The Book: TRR

Pairing: Liam x Riley

Status:  Still in the writing process

“Our first stop is Lythikos which is the home of Duchess Olivia.”

“Hmmmm… Lythikos….. I wonder what kind of place spawned the ice queen herself Maxwell?”  She inquired. 

Riley quickly googled Lythikos on her smartphone.

“In Lythikos the average annual temperature ranges from negative 45 degrees Fahrenheit at the most elevated parts of the interior, to 50 degrees along the coast.  Most of the region is covered with snow between 60 to 70% of the year…..  A place that is literally an Ice Castle.  This makes a lot of sense now.” She continued on.  “Lythikos Woods, home of the infamous Sabrewolf.”  

She abruptly stopped and glanced up at Maxwell in confusion.

So what exactly is a Sabrewolf Maxwell?   Is it a real beast?”  

Before Maxwell could barely open his mouth, Olivia jumped right into the conversation.

“Is it a real beast?”  Olivia scoffed.  “Of course it’s a real beast! Part saber tooth tiger and part wolf.”  

“Sooooooo…. it’s a Cat-dog?  I mean how does that even work, is that even possible?  Doesn’t sound too threatening, at least not to me.”

“Should you come face to face with one, it will tear you limb from limb.  To find one in the wild truly is a death sentence.  People have gotten pictures of it from a distance.  But nothing ever close-up and personal.”

“So it’s like America’s Bigfoot, Scotland’s Loch Ness Monster, and Puerto Rico with its Chupacabras?”

“No! It’s not a fictitious creature, it is real. It’s majestic.” Olivia puffed out her chest proudly as she spoke. “A truly vicious creature.” 

Riley recalled the courier that had brought her food.  He was wearing a Lythikos Sabrewolves baseball cap.

“That has it’s own sports team... Riiiiiiight..... So you  have you ever seen one?”

“No, I don’t have to see one.”

“Then how do you know it’s real, Olivia?”

“Because I know my Lythikos. And it’s real. Maybe you’ll be lucky enough to find one while you’re visiting.”

“I'll make sure I have my camera with the fuzzy lens to take a picture of it, for proof and  I’m at least  hundred yards away, and it’s dark as well for good measure. Or maybe I’ll take video, must be out of focus and shaky. Check.”

Olivia stomped her foot, and her face immediately registered pain.

“How’s that knee, still giving you a little trouble Liv?”  

“It’s fine, and it will be just perfect with the festivities I have planned to spend time with Prince Liam.”  

Olivia hobbled away still clearly nursing her injury from the Defend Your Prince challenge.

Unfurled

The Days the Earth Stood Still: Part 4

The Book:  TRH

Pairing:  Riley x Nico (TRR MC x M!OC) with past pairing of Liam x Riley

Status:  Still in the writing process

William had said his very first word, and tears filled her eyes when she saw who her son was reaching for.

"Liam."

"My Love." His eyes rested on hers for a few moments, then he directed his attention to William.

"Happy first birthday my little prince."

"Da Da!" William screamed again.

Liam had a huge smile on his face, however his eyes truly showed his immense sadness.

"What's wrong Liam?"

Staring down at himself, and then back at Riley holding William tight in her arms, he gently murmured, "I wish I could hold him."

"Maybe you can."

"Riley, I'm not his guardian. I can't do the things a guardian can."

She called out for Jaiden.

"Jai please."

Jaiden appeared before her with a sympathetic look on his face.

"Riley I know what you want…and  I can't help you."

"I know you… you were there that day...in the ballroom." Liam was staring at Jaiden quizzically. "You're Jaiden?"

"I am." Jaiden nodded.

Riley glanced at Jaiden. "I knew it! Why didn't you help? Why didn't you stop it?!? Why didn’t you save him....for me Jaiden?"

"Because…... it wasn't supposed to be stopped. Riley,  I did help. Liam made it to you in time, because I helped him. As for him losing his life, in the process? I could not intervene in that, I'm sorry. One life had to be given, in order to save two. There has to be a balance in the world of the living and of the dead."

"But that's not fair. How is two for one balanced? When the one that lost his life was so important? Our son is missing out on knowing how great a man his father was. Liam would have been an amazing father. It's just not fair. I just don't understand why this had to happen to him."

Jaiden took steps to close the distance  between him and Riley.

"Some things Riley, are not meant to be understood by the living."

Steps Towards Home

The Book:  TRR x Perfect Match

Just The Way You Are: Chapter 15

Pairing:  Liam x Riley / Hayden x Kai (Hayden!M x Kai!F) 

Status:  Still in the Writing Process

Khaan and Xander stared at Hayden and Kai from across the table.  

“Thank you for meeting with us, we wanted to share the news with the two of you first.”  

Kai pulled out an envelope sliding it across the table to them, Xander and Khaan stared at each other; Xander deciding to reach for the envelope first.

His eyes widened as they shot up to meet Hayden and Kai’s.  

“It worked.  It truly worked?”  Xander looked flabbergasted.

“It worked for us.”  Hayden’s hand tightly squeezed Kai’s.  “We’re going to have a baby.”  

“I knew… the theory was sound, and to see it actually was successful with a loving couple. I couldn’t be more happy.  Congratulations to you two.”

“How are you feeling Kai?”  

“I honestly feel normal, I’ve had a few queasy feelings, but no actual morning sickness yet, which honestly I’m not complaining about.  Maybe I won’t have morning sickness.  I’m also trying to make an effort to eat better.”

They all side-glanced at her.  

With her small glass of milk, Kai had a sticky bun that looked to be the size of a small bible that she had taken a huge bite from, barely unable to continue talking as she had taken such a large bite of the gooey cinnamon bun, groaning in delight as she chewed.

“Oh come on!!!! I’m eating my sticky bun with milk,  before it would have been a coffee drink.  I just can’t go cold turkey on my eating habits. Baby steps my friends!”  

They had never heard Kai’s voice so light, airy and cheerful.  Hayden had never seen Kai so incredibly content with life, as she was in this moment.

“Would you mind if I write about you and Hayden?  I will keep your names confidential, but if there are other couples that want what the two of you want, I want to be able to help them achieve that.”

Both Hayden and Kai nodded in agreement.  “If we are able to help other couples like us, who want this journey for themselves, we want to share our story with them.”  

Kai spent the rest of the day calling her closest friends, telling them the news.  For the others she planned to post a simple picture on social media with the heading “Coming Soon!”

"You just couldn't stay away could you?"

The Royal Heir

The Book: TRR / TRH

The Days the Earth Stood Still: Part 1A

Pairing: Liam x Riley / Riley x Nico (TRR MC x M!OC)

Status: Still in the Writing Process

She glanced up seeing Nico in the doorway.

"No I can't, but I don't think you were talking about me when you said it."

Riley shook her head.

"May I come in?"

Riley nodded to him as Nico slipped past her.

"You're finally free Riley. Now you can be with King Liam."

Riley burst into tears.

“Riley what’s wrong?”  

“I’m pregnant.”  

Nico gasped.

“I’m eight weeks along.  Before you and I were even together for the first time.”

Nico bit his lip looking at her.

Nico felt the ring box in his pocket. His mother was wrong.  The ring wouldn’t be lucky for him either.  

“Riley, can I ask you something?”

“Go ahead.”

“If you weren’t pregnant, would I have a chance?  Could we have had a chance?”

“Yes.”

Nico's eyes filled with tears.

“Have you told him yet?”  

“No, I was going to tell him tomorrow.”  

“He’ll be happy.  Not only will he have his queen but he’ll have a baby on the way.  The heir of Cordonia is already conceived. If the shoe was on the other foot, I'd be ecstatic."

He stepped up to her, kissing her cheek.

"This is goodbye."

"I guess so."

"It has to be. You will accept his proposal because you're carrying his child. He will be a great father. But I won’t lie Riley, I don’t regret a second I got to spend with you because of the arrangement.”

Tears streamed down Nico's cheeks.

“Riley, can I kiss you one last time?”

Riley nodded.

Nico stepped forward pulling into his arms.  He gently stroked her cheek.  Nico’s eyes were full of the emotional pain of being heartbroken as he stared down at her. As they kissed,  Riley could feel the love, emotion and pure affection that Nico had for her. She could taste the saltiness of his tears. She slowly pulled away from him.

Riley held back her tears until Nico left. Finally breaking down.

#bebepac writes #trr fanfic #trr fandom #trh fanfic #trh fandom #crossovers #trr x perfect match #liam x riley #hayden x kai #riley x nico #six sentence sunday #cfwc sunday six #always more than six #you love me tho #here are the snippets #wips #what i'm working on #what the fluff?

[duphyduphy]

"Angel"

Summary: Childe's usually outgoing and bright persona was oddly muted that day, enough for Lumine to notice. Maybe that's why he got so recklessly injured while he was helping with her with her commissions. Lumine takes him to her teapot to nurse him back to health, but the two realized something during a peculiar conversation they had after Childe regained consciousness.

This chilumi fic was inspired by the recent housing system update in 1.5! Enjoy!

//

Childe was feeling a bit hazed. His usually outgoing and bright persona was oddly a little muted that day, enough for Lumine and Paimon to notice. He was less talkative and seemed tired for some reason. He didn't even pry her about having their usual sparing matches like he usually does, which she found to be out of character for him. Maybe that's why he got so recklessly injured while he was helping with her with her commissions.

"Argh!", the traveller and her flying companion heard from a distance.

Lumine turned around to see Childe getting struck by one of the Mitachurl from the back as he was fighting off another Hilichurl.

"What's wrong with him today? That was just a Mitachurl. Those guys are big but we fight them with ease all the time. Is he injured or something? Is he distracted?", Lumine thought to herself as she ran towards his direction to help him. Her pace sped up when she saw him fell to the ground.

"CHILDE!"

His vision went black.

***

"Ow... my head hurts"

Childe slowly opened his eyes to find himself in what seems to be a bedroom.

"Where-where am I? Was I knocked out?"

"Hey... you're awake" a soft, almost melodic voice spoke to him.

Still half awake, Childe blinked a few times and turned his head toward the source of the sound to find out that it was coming from Lumine. She was sitting on a chair beside the bed he was laying on. Her hand rested on top of his own, gently stroking his bruised knuckles. Her face worried yet relieved. Her expression was accompanied by a small smile. He would never say it out loud, but he always did found her to be very beautiful. He's sure many men thought about the same thing when they saw the infamous Honorary Knight. What most men didn't see though, was his comrade in action, in the battle field. He still remembers their time in the Golden House, how almost marvelous she looked as she showed him her capabilities. She was definitely powerful, astonishing nonetheless. He also feels some sense of guilt whenever he thinks about that time. She was just a pawn to him then, but now, she was becoming someone more. Even Childe himself has yet to understand this strange feeling. Sometimes he thinks it's distracting. Sometimes he wonders if she thought the same way. In other time, he wonders if she still wants to trust him after what happened.

"Childe? Is your head still hurting?", Lumine asked as she leaned in to place her hand on his head, which he later realized, was wrapped in bandaged.

Snapping back to reality, Childe's face gleamed a dim sheen of pink to the sudden close proximity of the two. Still collecting his consciousness, he looked around and realized that his chest and stomach area was bandaged. He wasn't wearing his shirt either.

"Did- did you take of my shirt?"

"I- WE- WE HAD TO PATCH YOU UP SOMEHOW!! YOU- YOU WERE BLEEDING OUT! I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU WERE SO DISTRACTED TODAY!!!", Lumine said in a slight panic.

"Calm down! Haha! You're always so easy to fluster", Childe said with a coy smile.

"Ugh. I was really worried when you collapsed like that you know... You did seem really tired and you didn't talk much today either but I didn't expect you to get knocked out like that."

"Aw... did you really think I would be so easily defeated by a mere Mitachurl. I'm a Fatui Harbinger, girlie", Childe smirked with cocky tone.

"And yet, here you are. Well, YOUR WELCOME for caring and patching you up, Mr. Fatui", Lumine said, rolling her eyes while letting go of his hand.

"Wait~"

Before Lumine's hand could move further away, he gently took hers in his.

"I'm sorry I worried you. I guess work got a little tiring and I didn't get enough sleep for the past couple of nights so, I guess I was a little drained. Regardless, thank you for patching me up, Lumine"

Childe has a plentiful amount of nicknames he gave Lumine. Whether it be girlie, traveller, Honorary Knight, comrade, or princess, but rarely does he ever call her by her real name. She blushed to the sudden change in how he addressed her. She found it to be almost sincere and genuine. It made her blush, but she turned her head around so that Childe wouldn't notice. Unfortunately for her, he did notice and took pride in how he's able to form that reaction out of his dear traveller. He always found teasing her quite enjoyable and entertaining.

"Hmph. You're lucky me and Paimon were there with you when you collapsed. Who knows what would have happened if we weren't. Paimon litterally had to drag your body to safety while I dealt with the remaining Hilichurls and Mitachurls"

Lumine always did possess a caring and nurturing personality. Why else would she go out of her way to bring him to her home to treat and care for his wounds personally instead of taking him to Bubu Pharmacy.

"She's just caring. If anyone were in my place, she would do the same thing. There shouldn't be any other reason to this", at least, that was what Childe thought.

"Yes, yes. I'm the luckiest man in the world. I like what you did to the place by the way. Last time I was here, there was nothing but a bed. Not to mention it not matching the interior of the house at all"

"Childe. Are you trying to kick yourself out?"

Her reaction made him laugh out loud with such satisfaction which eventually made her laugh as well.

"Anyways, that Mitachurl beat you up pretty badly. I suggest you stay here for the night to rest. I don't mind really. Plus, you said you haven't been getting enough sleep so... actually why are you loosing sleep anyway? Is work hectic at the moment? I don't know what goes on in the Fatui so uh-"

"About that, uh... work is fine, I guess. I've just been thinking about some things"

"Is... everything okay? What's been on your mind?"

"What ever may I be thinking about that made loose sleep, hm~? Who knows? Maybe it's because of someone I've been thinking a lot about. Maybe it's not~" Childe said as he gave her a smirk.

Childe expected Lumine to get annoyed, maybe even a little curios at his statement. Admittedly, that was his way of hinting his attraction towards her, but he just wanted to play safe and see her reaction. And indeed it was unexpected.

"Is- is that so? We-Well...", Lumine said quietly with a very noticeable red tint on her face.

There was a long silence for a good seven seconds. You could almost here the crickets.

"Shit. Why did things become awkward. I was just teasing her. Does she maybe like me back or is she just flustered-"

"ANYWAY! I'LL-I'll get you some fo-food! Stay here. I'll be back haha... Don't move around too much!", Lumine said frantically as she quickly stood up from her chair and left the room.

Childe gave out a big sigh.

"This is not good. Whatever! I'm pretty sure it's nothing. Ugh, I feel like a school boy having his first crush. Pathetic"

Childe tried to forget the awkward moment they had just a few minutes ago by looking around the room. She really did do a lot to the place. It was nicely furnished. He looked at his side and noticed something at the bedside table. It was an Aster flower placed inside a vase. It was the flower he gave to her during the Windblume festival out of coincidence. Some memories flashed back to his head that made his face softened.

"What an angel", Childe softly said to himself.

Lumine accidentally heard him from outside the room just as she was about to bring him his food.

//

Just something in my head that I could not bother to illustrate with art so here's a fic instead. i hope you enjoyed my chilumi offering for the day. Smirks and blushes. I think you can tell I like those quite a lot. Teasing. Teasing galore.

#chilumi #childe x lumine #childe #lumine #genshin impact #genshin impact fanfiction #genshin impact fluff #1.5 update

[noonegetsleftbehind]

Getting Personal With J (2021 Fucking Sucked)

So, this is, clearly, a very OOC post, but one that has been in the making for several months. It’s one that I really want to get off my chest and I debated a lot about whether I should share it here for any of those that do have the headspace or time/desire to read it or if I should just keep it to myself. But I decided... I’m tired of hiding. I want to be forthcoming and open about myself and what I have been through. I want to let others know that if they ever need someone to talk to that I am always here. 

So, this post comes with a huge HUGE trigger warning

Please do not read if you have triggers to the following: mentions of suicide, mentions of drugs, mentions of hospitals, mentions of mental health, mentions of trauma, mentions of breakdowns etc. And most importantly? Be advised that what is under the cut is heavy and may be hard to read or process for some. Please, please, PLEASE do not read further if you are not in the right headspace or frame of mind to do so.

So, if you are and you want to read? Click away

Point blank. I suffer from major depressive (treatment resistant) disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, PTSD, CPTSD, unspecified mood disorder, nightmares, panic attacks, insomnia, waiting on a diagnosis of ADHD/ADD and more. This is just the mental health side of things, mind you. Over the course of 2021 alone... early spring - tore the scar tissue from carpal tunnel release in my right hand, May - got a concussion from my dog and developed post-concussion syndrome, July - went to the ER twice in ONE week and then again the next week for excruciating abdominal pain - turns out I had a shit ton of gallstones and my gallbladder needed to come out - during this time until surgery I ate jack all nothing basically or I was in pain, October - Horrible asthma attack brought on at work and then a trip to the psych ER because there was a mix up with my pharmacy and I had been out of one of my meds for 5 days and hadn’t slept and blacked out and came to in my bathroom cutting myself.... Which brings us to....

November. The year, as you can tell, had already been stressful enough. I had to leave my job from August until the end of September in order to have surgery. This means I was not getting paid etc. The weight of financial stress, the stress of the entire YEAR, the stress of my job, the stress of the upcoming holidays, the stress of the loss of my guinea pig and the stress of a lease violation from my landlord because they didn’t get the paperwork for my ESA all just hit me at once. Stress is my biggest trigger. I can only take so much until I break and I broke HARD. Not the first time either. I had a complete mental breakdown in February of 2020 over similar reasons. This one had me in a psych ER for hours and wound up with me in about 3-4 months of intensive outpatient therapy. This time? Not so lucky.

I had gone to my doctor’s office to get a note to be released to go back to work as I had been out getting COVID tested. I was negative. As I was walking back home, I couldn’t stop thinking about just walking out into traffic. The thought of doing so didn’t even scare me, it CALMED me. I had this feeling that every stress would lift away and I wouldn’t have to keep feeling all of this weight and trauma and feeling so worthless and awful every single day of my life... That my wife would be so much better and happier without me etc. The thought of just falling into the street and getting ran over again and again made me happy. Before I knew it, I was starting to walk towards the curb. I stopped and walked fast back home and told my wife. She took me to the ER, but thanks to COVID she couldn’t come in. It was just me. 

Not only was it just me... It was me and my paper clothes in a dark, secluded room with a shitty mattress bolted to the fucking floor... I was seen by a social worker, a doctor twice and a nurse once... I was told by the doctor the social worker wanted to admit me.... I was left alone in that fucking room for 7 HOURS. Nothing said to me. Nobody coming to check on me. No food. No water. Nothing.  It wasn’t until around 3am that 2 paramedics came in with a stretcher and told me they were taking me. I had no idea what was going on. Again, nobody told me. They grabbed my belongings and proceeded to strap me all the way down to this stretcher from my feet to my head basically. They drove me 45 minutes away and dropped me off at a mental hospital. I had no idea where I was. It was after 4 in the morning. I hadn’t ate, slept or spoken to my wife which they did not let me do. I had to spend the next several hours answering questions, filling out paperwork, being strip searched etc. They pulled the strings out of my hoodie and threw them out, tried to ruin my shoes etc. It was the most dehumanizing thing I have ever been through. I was finally brought to a ward and a room just a little after 6am on November 30th. I laid down and cried myself to sleep or what I could... They had people come in every 15 minutes to check on you. 

Have you ever had a nightmare and you KNOW you’re having a nightmare? In it... you tell yourself it’s just a nightmare and you can wake up and it will go away? I had that. I dreamt it was a nightmare and all I had to do was wake up. But when I opened my eyes the nightmare was still there. It was the single worst fucking feeling I have ever experienced in my life. I still have not processed this completely. 

I stayed in this locked ward for 7 days. You may all remember when I was gone and in the hospital. I asked Spooper to keep the cause of hospital stay hush. Clearly you now know why. 

I could speak forever of the horrors of this stay. I really could. I am working with my therapist to actually give a speech and/or write up a piece about my trauma. Because in all honesty? What I experienced caused even more psychological damage and trauma than I went in with. I am still WORSE now than I was when I wanted to walk into traffic. The mental health system in the US is BROKE. It is a JOKE. It is AWFUL.

I can tell you I got a roommate who was a detoxing crack addict with about 40 different people in her head who constantly talked and had conversations and actual screaming FIGHTS with people who weren’t there all day and all night. When she wasn’t doing that she was in the bathroom using 6 rolls of toilet paper a day to scrub the floor and flush the toilet over and over and over and over.

I could not sleep. Ever. for 7 fucking days. I begged them to move me. Anything. I would leave the room and cry in the middle of the ward and all the would do was force more meds on me. I was double dosed on trazadone and vistaril. They never moved me.

There was a very violent individual who was on my ward as well. He would constantly talk about how he was going to kill each one of us. I lived every minute of every day in fear and trauma in there, just drugged out the ass. I was only allowed to call my wife at designated times. I had only one pair of clothes. Everything I had on me was locked up. I wasn’t even allowed to go to the cafeteria to eat as you are basically considered a prisoner unless you willingly sign yourself in.

On top of all of this... I had to see a therapist and a psych and attend group therapy ALL FUCKING DAY from 8am to 5pm. Every day. On no sleep. And drugged. Every day it got worse and worse. But I learned real quick that what I had to do to get out was pretend. You go to every group. You TRY. You express the want to be involved and get better... Which I did and I still DO, but I wanted no fucking PART of being there. I hated it there.  So, I finally got out on December 6. With it being December I was busy every weekend from then until now with holidays and family shit. I should have canceled everything but I didn’t. I wanted to pretend like I was fine. I tried doing that here too and it just... Didn’t help and didn’t work.

Truth is, friends. I am not fine. I am not even close to fine. But that’s okay. I am doing my best to begin to process all of this, but it’s so much. I just added more horrible trauma onto years worth of built up awful trauma... It’s a lot. It’s going to take a lot of time. Just know I still see a therapist weekly. My suicidal ideations are mostly gone aside from the general thought of just not wanting to be alive. 

On top of this? I was let go from my job while I was in the hospital. I feel so worthless and helpless and guilty over so much. This whole ordeal has just caused me to really hate myself and I honestly did start to pull away from this blog and dash, but you know what? I thought about Chris while I was in the hospital. A lot. And it sounds stupid but he did help me get through being in there. He came to me as a muse when I needed him most. 

I am in the long drawn out process of filing for disability. I am going through another med adjustment that is causing insomnia and bouts of fatigue. I am struggling. Every single day is a challenge. You just... Always remember you never know what someone else is going through. Be kind.  And that’s what I want you all to know. I am a safe space. I will ALWAYS be here to listen to you. No matter what. I will help however I can. I have suffered. I have been through hell and I know how that can be. The last thing I want is for anyone else to have to go through that alone. You are not alone. I promise.

So that’s it. That’s what 2021 was to me. An absolute nightmare piece of shit that is going to take years to recover from. This is what I suffer from day to day. This is what I went through. This is why I was in the hospital and why I struggle sometimes to be present. Why I sometimes get afraid that people know and people hate me for it. 

In all honesty? It felt good to finally get this out. I am not looking for pity or anything I just... I needed to be honest. I needed to get it out. This battle is far from over, but now you know about my war. <3

#|| BSAA File: OOC || #//PLEASE READ TRIGGER WARNINGS AND WARNINGS IN POST #//PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE NOT IN A SPACE TO DO SO

[imaginesandinserts]

Hey there! I have a cold and it got me thinking, how do Hotch and Reader deal with sickness? How do they help each other and how do they help Jack?

Oof, I am so sorry. I hope you feel better soon!!! Sending lots of good wishes for a quick recovery. 

Also...this is almost 2K words of an answer. I got a tad carried away. 

*SPOILER ALERT for Irreverent*

Hotch

Aaron will not admit that he is sick. Ever. The man would literally rather collapse on the job than admit that he's sick and get some rest. 

She didn't know this about him until she sees him sick for the first time during her first couple of years with the team. He'd gone and caught a cold and was nursing a cough and sniffles that he was trying to hide in vain during a case. His nose is all red and worn dry from the hotel tissues he's using that are stuffed into his jacket pockets and the man is running purely on coffee. It wouldn't occur to him to go and get medicine for himself. That's time away from the case. 

Everyone on the team noticed - it was hard not to. However, they're all trying not to say anything because he's Hotch and it would likely be wasted breath. Rossi tells him to go rest once and is ignored so he lets it go because Aaron is a grown man. 

She makes Morgan stop at a pharmacy on the way back to the precinct from witness interviews, saying she needs some girl items and buys the Day Time and Night Time cough syrup, cough drops, the nice tissues with the lotion so his nose won't be all dried out, and some cans of soup because they're in the middle of nowhere on this case and she wouldn't trust the local restaurants much. 

They get back to the precinct and its late so the team is wrapping up for the night and they all head back to the hotel. Hotch is a little surprised to see her following him to his room instead of going to hers and asks what she's doing. She just says she needs to talk to him about something, knowing he'd protest at her trying to take care of him, especially in front of other people. 

They get into his room and he'd really just been looking forward to a hot shower and going to bed, so he's actually a little annoyed that she wants to talk about something right now, especially as he can feel a migraine coming on. 

She tosses everything out onto the bed and practically orders him to go shower and tells him if he wants her to leave, he's going to have to do it himself, because she won't leave on her own until she's seen him take the meds and have some soup that she's already pouring out into a bowl and heating up for him. 

Hotch isn't quite used to this level of aggressively being taken care of and is ready to tell her off but she's looking at him so entirely defiantly, as though daring him to even try, and she's doing it because she cares and it's nice. She's doing something nice. Also like yeah, soup sounds kind of good…

So he goes and showers and comes back to a hot bowl of soup that she watches him finish, while pretending not to be and acting like she's just looking at something on her phone. She knows he doesn't really want to talk right then and the silence with Hotch isn't really awkward silence so they just sit there while he drinks soup and she sits on top of the desk and pretends she's ignoring him with the TV on in the background. He's letting the soup warm him up and tuning out the news anchor while wondering why she can't sit on normal surfaces - like what is that even about? Would it kill her to use a chair or just sit on the bed like why is it on top of the goddamn desk? He has half a mind to ask her about that but that sounds like it's going to turn into some sort of argument and he hasn't the energy for it. 

"I'm done," he'd say, showing off his empty bowl of soup for her inspection. She tells him good job and it gives him an odd fuzzy feeling inside even though he tells himself she was only saying it jokingly. Except her tone wasn't joking and why did it feel good to have her say that to him? He didn't need her approval. She worked for him, not the other way around. He's a little too out of it to really think more about that particular thing though. 

She pours out the Night Time cough syrup for him, way past the line on the little plastic cup and hands it to him to take. He's too tired to question it and allows himself to be essentially roofied into a deep sleep. The last thing he hears before he knocks out is her whispered "Good night Hotch" before she slips out the door. He ends up having a bit of a lie in the next morning and wakes up to a blueberry muffin on his nightstand and a poured out dosage of the orange colored Day Time syrup along with a note telling him that the team went ahead and when he's ready, to give her a call so she can come pick him up. 

After that, he knows better than to try hiding that he's sick from her, but he'll pretty much only let her baby him a bit, while still being scary boss man around everyone else. He also will now only buy the tissues she got because wow the lotion really did make a difference and there's a couple of the travel pack versions that sit in his go bag always, just in case. 

Babying him became a whole lot easier once they were actually together and after that Aaron really does openly just tell her that he's sick because she'll brush her fingers through his hair and just make him all comfy and cozy as much as possible and yeah he doesn't like other people doing stuff for him, but she does it so well and she really truly enjoys taking care of it and will get mad at him if he tries to hide it from her, so really its just easier to be upfront about it. Or at least that's what he tells himself. 

Reader

She hardly ever does get sick, but when she does it's awful. She's miserable and she'll be the whiniest little baby about it, falling asleep on just about anyone. She doesn't want to be coddled and she doesn't want soup. She just wants to sleep the sickness away. 

Before they were together, she was sick during a case once - it has literally only happened one time that she's been sick while actively on a case and it was after their fight and subsequent resolution but prior to them getting together. 

Unlike Hotch, she's not resistant to medication and is more than willing to just drug herself and knock out and she recovers much faster than he does because she'll start taking the medications immediately.

Hotch was seriously concerned that she had narcolepsy, from the number of times he found her simply passed out when she didn't actively have something to do. He kept her with him at the precinct the entire time, deciding (wisely) that maybe handling a firearm in the field wasn't the best thing for her or anyone else at the moment. 

She's a lot more touchy than he is, even prior to them dating and especially after they make up, they were so far along in their relationship as just friends that her simply sleeping leaned against him just does not phase him anymore (mind you, this is after they basically spent a night on his couch together - after that nothing much could phase him). 

The team comes back to the conference room with Hotch sitting on the couch that's there, and her laying down with her head in his lap and his one hand playing with her hair as his other is holding one of the case files. He's painfully aware of how intimate it all looks and she's asleep so only he has to deal with everyone's reactions, so before they can say anything, he quickly shushes all of them and tells them to only talk if they have something important to share. He suffers through all of their little whispers and snide comments and side glances while she sleeps peacefully, blissfully unaware. 

The team as a whole has this odd agreement to not mention any of this to her. They all know - they can tell how easy it is for her and Hotch around one another. However, they all think she needs to come to the realization herself. Hotch wouldn't appreciate the meddling and she's still the baby of the group so they're all just a little protective - Hotch is great and they all trust him but she's also young and they're careful to not push her towards something that maybe wouldn't occur to her otherwise. She's not the kind of person to pine and sit on information of that nature if she's aware of it, so they all know that she doesn't even know yet. This is evident by how quickly she initiates after the realization does hit her. She definitely goes after what she wants. 

Jack

Jack loves sick days because that means one of them will stay home with him and coddle him and he's a kid that loves to cuddle so he'll easily climb into either of their laps and just snuggle because that feels safest when he's not feeling great. 

Aaron is the exact opposite with Jack than he is for himself. He's very much like her taking care of him - all the meds and tissue and soup. Aaron handles it all wonderfully and makes sure that Jack is comfy and recovering well. 

If Jack is lucky, he gets them both in which case Aaron runs logistics and she cuddles him and they'll read together or watch movies. If it's just Aaron on his own, Jack is a little clingier and will want to go with him to the kitchen and stuff while the soup is made and when he was younger, Aaron would balance him on one hip while handling everything else with the other hand. Once he's older, he's set on the island and watched carefully to make sure he finishes his food and if his symptoms show any signs of changing. 

Much like her, Jack doesn't need much while he's sick, content to just doze off to something gentle while sprawled across either his father's chest or her lap. 

#aaron hotchner #criminal minds #aaron hotch x reader #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner x you #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds reader insert #irreverentseries #hotch x you #hotch x reader

[missscarletta7]

The Broken Crown- Chapter 1

Hello! So this is my first Peaky Blinders Fanfiction.  I own nothing, except for the few OCs I created. 

This story is also on Wattpad and FF.net under the same title if you want to read it there as well--- however be warned it is not as edited as this post and I changed the name of one of the characters because I thought it was a better fit... lol!

Summary: All Margaret Shelby ever wanted, was the opportunity to write her own story. Only now is she beginning to realize that her brother may have already written it for her...

  Enjoy!

OoOoOo

"He's a ghost, he's a god, He's a man, He's a guru,

You're one microscopic cog, In his catastrophic plan

Designed and directed by his red right hand"

~Red Right Hand~

1919

She had that dream again, the one where she had to decide which door she would open. Both doors were identical in every way. Yet, she just stands in the empty room lit as if by candles; frozen in place; The weight of the decision ultimately waking her out of-

No, that wouldn't do, a dark-haired girl thought as she scratched out the words she had just written down. In a small bedroom on the second floor of number Seventeen Watery Lane, sixteen-year-old Margaret Shelby sat on her bed, or rather the bed she shared with her older sister. Dressed in the long white nightgown that had once belonged to her mother and with a pen in hand, she scribbled down more words in her brown leather-bound journal resting on her lap. The journal was gifted to her by her Aunt Polly on her most previous birthday. Upon receiving it she couldn't wait to fill its pages. She liked writing, ever since she learned how to form her words into a cohesive sentence on paper. It had been an outlet, a distraction from the "shit-hole" that was Small Heath, Birmingham.

As a child, she had the fondest memories of taking the drawings her eldest brother Arthur would sketch and would accompany his rendering with an original story. She took pride in how much he would always be so impressed and relished when he called her “his little genius". As the years passed, she believed if she could write and publish a story that was good enough, then maybe one day she could provide for her family. Give them a way out of their current situation. Not that she knew much of how dire their situation really was. To their credit, her family tried their best to shield her, as well as her youngest brother Finn, from feeling the effects of living a life in the slums. She was lucky in that way, most of the girls her age had dropped out of school and had a child of their own already.

Her thoughts of prose were soon interrupted by familiar sounds causing the pit of her stomach to sink. Even after three months of him being back, she doubted she would ever get used to it. Opposite from her bed, through the thin wall with floral green wallpaper which had been peeling off for years, muffled cries could be heard. Maggie knew exactly who it was, her brother, Tommy.

She placed her journal onto the thin cotton sheets and traveled into the hallway. Before she knew it, she was standing outside the door of her older sibling. Taking a deep breath, she decided against knocking and slowly opened the door.

"Tommy?" she whispered into his candlelit room. She could see he was awake. Lying flat on his back in bed, staring at the ceiling.

"Go back to bed, Mags," the second oldest Shelby ordered, but the girl hesitated.

"I thought I heard yelling," she sounded apologetic, before taking a whiff of the air. "Do you smell that?"

"I said back to your bloody bed," his harsh tone surprised her.

This time she did listen, gently she closed her brother's door and made her way back to the empty bedroom she once was in.

OoOoOo

The next day, Margaret exited the small school she attended that was located right on the edge of Small Heath with her best friend Cara Ryan by her side. The girls had played together for as long as their memories had served them. Cara was a stylish and talkative girl who stood at a height of five feet and six inches. Dazzling green eyes sparkled and her straight honey blonde hair fell upon her shoulders. Her family did better than most, the Ryan's own a dress shop that is very popular amongst the younger women, Ada, in fact, is a frequent customer of the establishment. Though the word 'customer' was a loose term, the Ryan's like most shop owners in the area were obliged to give anyone with relations to the Peaky Blinders whatever they wanted. Mrs. Ryan's and the two oldest sisters operated it, and in her spare time, Cara could often be found working in the backroom, sewing buttons and beads to fabrics. The family had a deal, in a year's time Cara would come to work for the shop full time, but until then Cara could continue her education.

"Can't believe Henrietta's having a baby," Maggie said aloud, as shorter and younger students ran past them excitedly.

"I can," Cara replied smugly. "That girl would open her legs up for any sod that gave her a second glance."

"I feel bad for her." She admitted thinking of the fifteen-year-old whose life was now forever changed.

Cara shook her head, "Don't it's her own bloody fault."

After rounding the corner, they both saw Ross Murray. A thin nineteen-year-old with dark hair standing at five feet and eleven inches, resting his back against the dull red brick wall, smoking a cigarette. Cara stopped them in their tracks and waved at the young man. "All right, Ross?!"

Maggie smiled at her friend, she liked Ross, he'd always looked out for her and Cara like they were his own sisters. They had all been in school together up until the moment Ross was kicked out for beating up another boy named Jonah Smith. In all likelihood Jonah may have had it coming. He never had the ability to let go. For example, just last year Maggie would have to constantly have to turn down his advances for over a month. Due to the reputation of her family, attention from boys was a rare occurrence. Which she didn't mind, she never really felt romantic feelings for anyone. However, Jonah took advantage of her brothers absence. One day he even cornered her when she went back to the classroom to grab the jumper she left behind. Thankfully Jonah eventually stopped, and never bothered her again.

Getting kicked out of school didn't seem to bother Ross though. Once he turned eighteen, he enlisted to help with the war effort. He completed basic training within the required three months, and according to the letters he would send her and Cara, he was held in high esteem with all of his commanding officers. Just as he was about to be shipped to France, an armistice was declared. He'd managed to find a job working at the BSA factory rather quickly, but when he came back into town Maggie could tell he had changed. He now had this mentality that made him seem as though he was ready for a battle, yet had no one to fight.

"Cara, Margaret," he acknowledged, stubbing out his cigarette on the bricks he had rested his back upon "Where are you two heading, aye?"

"Just going home," Maggie told him, readjusting the bag on her shoulder.

He came closer to them, "I'll walk with you. Birmingham hasn't been the safest place now that all these blokes with fucked up brains are back."

"Look at that Mags," Cara said happily, and he allowed her to take his arm. "The only gentleman in Small Heath"

Maggie smiled knowingly at the sight. Since Cara was ten years old, she had been smitten with the dark-haired boy. Cara would frequently turn down other offers in hopes that Ross would one day ask her to be his girl. They both hoped that it would happen soon, because in Cara's words "She wasn't getting any younger".

"Don't know what you two keep going to school for," He expressed to them, as they began to walk in the direction the girls needed to travel. "What more is there to learn?"

His comment made Maggie shrug, "It's something to do."

"Yeah, most girls our age who aren't in school are either whores or mothers." She agreed.  "Or both."

They continued chatting about their school day as they walked closer into town. The canal that ran nearby as well as the different establishments were coming into view. "Mags, is that your brother?" Ross asked, pointing to a couple of boys.

Maggie turned her head to where her friend was pointing. He was right, her younger brother Finn, was running around in front of the pharmacy with Isaiah Jesus. He must have skipped school again. "Oi!" Maggie called out angrily, and Finn froze in place "What have you been up to all day, hm?"

"Please don't tell Tommy," the ten-year-old begged.

Maggie was about to tell him off, but she was caught off guard by the arrival of a person exiting Compton's, "Ada?"

"Oh, hello." The dark-haired beauty clutched the paper parcel tighter in her hands, clearly caught off guard by the sudden appearance of her younger siblings. "Heading home then?"

Maggie nodded and Ada continued, "I'll join you." The older sister then turned to her brother "Right Finn?" The boy scowled, but nodded all the same.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Maggie told her friends, still trying to process what her sister was up to.

Cara didn't seem to mind her best friends' announcement to depart. Turning to the hazel-eyed boy she asked, "Fancy accompanying me to the confectionery?"

He looked over to the Shelby family first, "Will you three be alright by yourself?"

Ada looked amused at his worry, "We'll be fine. I doubt anyone would mess with us." He accepted her answer with a nod and led Cara to the candy shop.

As the water rushed in the cut, Ada and Maggie walked down the sidewalk arm in arm. Finn wasn't too far in front of them. He was running and jumping around like a madman. That boy always had so much energy, Maggie found herself thinking. No wonder he skipped school, the poor thing probably could not sit still.

"That Murray boy has aged well hasn't he," Ada commented, finally breaking the silence, "Have you two?"

"Ada!" The younger sister cried out in surprise.

"Just asking." She shrugged, "Jesus you're a prude"

"Everyone's a prude compared to you" she retorted, "What were you doing at the pharmacy?"

Ada didn't reply though, instead opting to purse her lips. They were almost home now; Maggie could even see Pol heading to the house, traveling towards them. She was about to wave at her aunt until she was distracted by Finn, who ran around in front of his sisters. Her heart clenched when she noticed a black metal object in his hand.

"Finn, where did you get that gun?" she questioned, yet the youngest Shelby only giggled in response. 

"Oi! Quit messing around," Ada scolded, moving forward in an attempt to take the weapon away. "You shouldn't b-"

BANG! The sisters screamed and Aunt Polly, who had witnessed the whole event transpire, rushed over from down the street. Both the girls tried to catch their breath and a shocked Finn looked like he was trying to mentally process what had just happened. 

"The hell were you thinking?!" Polly scolded, snatching the gun from his hand. "Where did you get this?!

"He nearly fucking killed me!" Ada screeched pointing to her brother.

"I-I found it on the sideboard of the shop." Finn spit out as they watched his face concave and he soon began weeping in fear. "I-I thought it was empty. I'm sorry I didn't mean to-"

His tears pulled on Maggie's heartstrings, but Polly wasn't having it. She pushed the sobbing boy towards Maggie ordering, "Take him home, and no more playing with guns. Next time you leave them be." 

The young boy nodded and allowed his sister to lead him back home."I didn't know Mags, I swear" he cried out again.

"I know you. You can apologize to Ada once she's feeling more forgiving" she expressed, her arms wrapped around his small shoulders.

OoOoOo

Childhood had molded her into the person she had become. Now she understood that...

Maggie internally groaned and scratched out what she had just written. No, that was definitely not good enough. She was pulled out of her thoughts when she heard a chuckle. Her eyes were taken off the page by Ada, who was getting ready for her date with some mystery man.

"What's so funny?" the younger sister grumbled.

"You," Ada smiled as she brushed her hair in front of the small vanity mirror, "And how seriously you take yourself."

Quickly she closed her journal, wanting to change the subject "So, what was the family meeting about?" Maggie asked, not genuinely curious.

"New copper’s coming to town," Ada replied unbothered, more interested in fastening her shoe buckle.

"When I went downstairs, I caught Finn trying to listen through the door. Told him off for eavesdropping," the younger sister snickered .

"Can you believe that little tosser?" Ada said, putting on her paste earring. "I don't know what's gotten into him lately. He could have killed me today!"

"It was an accident, Ada." She reasoned, opening her journal once more, "Pol already told him and John off, what more can you do?"

"I can still bitch," the older sister huffed, before looking at the book in her sisters' hands. "Are you ever gonna tell me what you're writing about?" Ada asked pointedly, now completely dressed in a white fur coat that rested over her dress.

"Are you ever gonna tell me who you've been going out to see the last few months?" Maggie shot back jokingly. 

Ada responded by pantomiming the locking of her lips, which only made the younger sister smile. "Cover for me?"

"As always," The girl assured Ada before she quietly opened and closed the bedroom door.

It was about an hour later when Maggie began to hear the familiar muffled cries. Feeling hopeless as she stared at the green papered wall.

OoOoOo

The following day was mostly uneventful for Margaret. She'd gone to school and heard all about Cara's "date" with Ross. According to Cara, he was a complete "gentleman", much to the blonde's disappointment, though she still clung onto hope. 

Now she stood in the kitchen with her Aunt and sister making dinner, continuously kneading some dough until her skinny arms began to burn. Hopefully, this batch of bread would last long enough for her to enjoy. Last time she made bread her siblings had eaten it all, not saving any for her. Upon hearing the door slam, she and her aunt stopped to glance over to the door.

"Holy Shit!" The girl exclaimed, witnessing her eldest brother who was bloody and beaten, being assisted by John into a wooden chair.

"Finn, go find Tommy and tell him what happened," Polly commanded. Like a shot, Finn was running out of the room, but not before Pol hurriedly added, "And tell him we need a shit ton of more alcohol!"

Polly then immediately began to gather gauze and rods of wood to make a splint, "Margaret, start heating up water, then cut this cloth up in stripes." Nodding at the directive, the girl began to do just that.

"The fuck happened?" Ada interrogated, arms crossing in front of her chest.

"Was told some of the men found him like this outside the cinema," John explained.

"Do you know who?" Maggie heard her sister continue as she put the kettle over the flame, but Arthur remained silent.

"I'd like to know as well," An aggravated Polly chimed in.

This time Arthur did speak. “That Belfast copper,” the mustached man spit out, "I'll discuss it more once Tom gets here."

They all fell into silence, the only noise coming from Maggie who pulled out a chair to sit next to her brother, and quietly began cutting the cloth Polly left for her on the table. "Do you think this is enough?" Maggie asked her aunt after she finished.

"Should be plenty, love," Pol told her, taking one of the strips to start mending his hand.

"John, wipe the blood out of his eye," Ada told the third eldest sibling who was just watching the ladies scrabble around as they tended to Arthur.

"Since when did you give orders?" John asked incredulously.

"I'm a trained nurse." The sister stated.

Though seeing as John wasn't budging Maggie rose from her seat and began to wipe the blood herself.

"Don't make me laugh. It hurts my face," Arthur joked as Polly bandaged him up. "You're a nurse like Mags here is a writer."

His comment caused more annoyance than Maggie cared to admit. With her index finger, she pressed onto a forming bruise on his cheek with great pressure, instigating a string of curses to come out of the eldest man's mouth.

"Oops," Maggie said insincerely. This caused Arthur to look to his aunt, wondering if any reprimanding would be given to the girl, but Polly just gave her brother a 'like you weren't asking for it' look.

 "I bloody am!" The older Shelby girl whined to John.

"You went to one first aid class in the church hall and got thrown out for giggling," John corrected her.

"Not before I learnt how to stop somebody from choking," she shot back.

"I'm not bloody choking, am I?" Arthur spoke gruffly.

"You will be when I wrap this cloth around your neck." She told him as she poured hot water from the kettle into the bowl.

"Let me see him." Tommy's voice was heard as he entered the kitchen. "Well, have this" Tommy passed the bottle of rum and Arthur took a swig. Grabbing a rag, he immediately got to work tending to his brother's face.

"He said Mr. Churchill sent him to Birmingham. 'National interest', he said. Something about a robbery." Arthur explained. "He said he wants us to help him"

"We don't help coppers," John said immediately, disgusted at the thought.

"He knew all about our war records. He said we're patriots like him. He wants us to be his eyes and ears. I said -" He paused a moment before continuing, "I said we'd have a family meeting and take a vote".

Everyone remained silent, and frankly, that was enough of an answer to the eldest. "Why not? We have no truck with Fenians or communist," Arthur said exasperated, before heatedly asking Tommy. "What's wrong with you?"

Tommy continued to stare back at him, before asking his aunt, "What the fuck is wrong with him lately?"

"If I knew I'd buy the cure from Compton's Chemist," Polly answered, staring at Tom who stared right back.

OoOoOo

Being alone at night was something Maggie had gotten used to now. The cries next door, however, that was something entirely different. Sighing to herself, she decided to give it another go. Once again, she rose from her bed, and ventured into the hallway. This time though she brought her journal with her. Not long she stood in front of her brother's door, allowing herself to open it. 

Again, in the candlelit room, she saw him lying in his bed staring at the ceiling, though she couldn't tell if his eyes were open or not. "Still awake?" she asked.

"Can't seem to fall asleep," Tommy mumbled calmly. She took his stillness as permission to enter.

"Do you remember when I was a little girl and you used to read me books to make me fall asleep?" she asked, moving closer to the bed, "I used to love those voices you'd do for all the different characters from the picture books."

He nodded and he couldn't help the ghost of a smile while thinking of the memory. Unlike his other siblings, Maggie was the only one who would beg him to read to her. It was something they bonded over.

"If you want," she continued, motioning her hand to hold the journal up. "I can read you my story." Tommy was silent as he looked at the journal for a moment, before Maggie added, "I just thought maybe I could try to help you sleep like you did for me."

"Only if you do voices" he stressed jokingly, then shifted his body to make room for her on the small mattress.

"Remember," she squished next to him leaning her back against his bed frame. "This is a work in progress."

"I won't judge you too harshly" he replied, watching her open the journal that lay on her lap.

"Long ago when she was young, she believed that what she saw in her dreams could be a vision of what was to come. It was only now she understood that it was just an amalgamation of-"

"A what?" He interrupted.

"An amalgamation" she repeated. "Do you not know what an amalgamation means?"

"No, I do. Didn't think you did."

"Shut up. You're supposed to allow my words to lull you to sleep."

"Sorry, please continue"

"It was only now she understood that it was just an amalgamation of all her childhood aspirations, fears, and perhaps a little  too much whiskey. With this knowledge she found herself yearning for-"

By this point, Tommy had closed his eyes and was half-listening to the words his sister read from her journal. It wasn't half bad what she wrote. He reckoned by the time she was his age she'd actually make something of herself all with those stories in her head. Perhaps make a career out of it, possibly even get out of Small Heath. It was to be the start of a new decade, a new time, who knows what would happen? When he finally made it back from France, her face was the first face that caught his attention on the station platform. It shocked him. No more was the little girl he would read stories to, but in her place stood a smiling young woman. She had changed so much during the time he was gone.

Come to think of it, they'd all changed. Arthur was head of the family, in charge of the business, and had done a decent job of it. But that was before France, he was different now. He quickly noticed the change in his brother and how he couldn't think straight anymore. Arthur's personality became more explosive, as well as violent. John, well he had become more reckless, especially after a few drinks got into him, and since Martha's passing the drinking had only increased. 

As for him, well he was the one who had changed the most. He used to be carefree, joke and laugh, but now he was more solemn and even more protective of his family. Constantly worrying about how Arthur couldn't handle the business anymore, how John couldn't be alone anymore, and him? Well, he couldn't stand to see his family scrape and scrounge in the slums of Small Heath in order to survive any longer. No, not anymore. New copper sniffing about or not. No matter what Polly said, Tommy saw an opportunity with these guns. He wasn't about to turn it down. He just had to play it smart. As Maggie continued her reading, Tommy could feel himself slowly begin to drift out of consciousness and into a dreamless sleep.

#peaky blinders fanfiction #tommy shelby #shelbysister #alfie solomons #oc #peakyblinders #arthur shelby #john shelby #polly shelby #adashelby #gangster #1920

[delyth88]

I haven’t been on Tumblr much the last few weeks for a few reasons.  Partly because I haven’t yet watched any of the What If...? episodes and I didn’t want to see spoilers. Partly because I want to re-watch the Loki series again and see what I think of it after taking a break - the amount of time and energy it took to keep up with an episode a week was surprisingly exhausting!  And I kinda want to give the series the attention it deserves, and I just haven’t had the energy for that.  But mostly it’s because we’re back in lockdown again and that’s challenging in its own way. (Yeah, this is going to be a post about real life and Covid, so if you’re not here for that you probably won’t want to read the rest of this post.)

New Zealand has kept Covid out of the country for most of the last year and a half.  We had one nationwide lockdown in March-June of 2020 and a couple of shorter less intense local lockdowns in our biggest city, Auckland in August last year and again in February this year. But in between it’s been life pretty much as normal, unless you wanted to travel overseas in which case you have to quarantine in the government-run hotels for 14 days on your return for $3000+ and rooms are hard to book because there’s a limited supply.

On Tuesday the week before last someone at work read out an article from the news online in the early afternoon that said not much more than that a case had been detected in Auckland and everyone in Auckland travelling on public transport should make sure they were wearing a mask that afternoon.  More details to come. An hour or so later reports that the Prime Minister was flying back to the capital, Wellington, for a Cabinet meeting at 4.30pm, and we knew it was serious.  They generally only do that if there’s an alert level change coming.  We’d all expected another outbreak at some point, and people were particularly on edge watching the outbreak in New South Wales, Australia, grow beyond their ability to stamp it out. We’d been warned that if an outbreak should happen it would likely mean an immediate move to our highest Alert Level.  So I packed up and went home early, as most people in the office did, as we made a point to say goodbye and wish each other luck. I began packing my suitcase full of everything I could think that I’d need for a month or more and waited till the official announcement at 6pm. We were right - it was Alert Level 4. Alert Level 4 means we all must stay to our household bubbles and no-one except for essential workers can leave for reasons other than to go to the supermarket, the pharmacy, the doctor, or for a vaccine or a Covid test. Or to do a bit of exercise near your home. I live in a small apartment alone and did the last lockdown alone so this time I drove a couple of hours north to stay with my parents for however long it might turn out to be.

The case numbers were a bit of a shock for us. It started with one man who had no known links to the border but quickly grew to 30, 50, 80 people a day.  Now I know that sounds tiny to most people, but we’re a small country, a ”Team of 5 million” TM. And during the first global wave of Covid the highest number of cases a day we peaked at was 89. So this was a bit scary, particularly as we’ve been warned for a while about the high transmissibility of the Delta variant. More worrying still is that the case numbers just kept going up past the point where we were expecting to see a stabilisation.  The thing is, we don’t know if what we did the first time around will work against Delta. We think it might, but we can’t be sure like we have been in previous outbreaks. And unlike other countries where the virus was in the community, we’ve been slower to get and administer vaccines. Bookings were only starting to open up to people outside of the vulnerable categories and border workers a few weeks before this outbreak.  I won’t have my first shot till mid September.

But today we had some good news.  We’ve now had two days of lower case numbers. Yesterday’s were the results from Sunday which traditionally has lower testing rates so we couldn’t read too much into that, but today was lower again at 49 cases. So I feel we can take some heart from that. Though there is still quite a way to go.

Tomorrow most of the country moves down to Alert Level 3, which is pretty much the same as Level 4 but with contactless takeaway food and coffee (I mean it’s more than that, but for the average person those are the main differences). Auckland will stay in Level 4 for another two weeks at least.  So it’s looking like I’ll be staying up here for 6 weeks or so (because inter-regional travel is prohibited until we get to Level 2). I’m lucky because I can do my job from home, but it’s hard to concentrate and I almost wish I couldn’t work from home so I wouldn’t have to deal with the stresses of work as well as lockdown, but I know there are people in much worse situations all over the place so I’m grateful.

The thing that this has really brought home to me is that we’re going to have to have a difficult conversation soon.  One that Australia is having now.  If we want to have higher numbers of people travelling to and from New Zealand we’re going to have to by choice let the virus in.  And this is going to mean that we will lose the sense of normality and safety that we experience on a day to day basis between lockdowns.  And it will mean choosing to allow people to die from this disease, looking at the data from other jurisdictions, even if we reach an incredibly high vaccination rate of over 90%.  I would hate to be the person who has to make a decision like that. I know there are new treatments being developed and a second generation of vaccines that may be more effective, but then the virus is also changing and who knows what the situation will be like at the end of the year. Yay uncertainty. lol

So yeah, that’s where I’m at right now.  

#and here endeth the sad and serious discussion #covid #covid-19 #pandemic #real life #new zealand #not fandom

[amimons]

Miraculous Sweet-ember (Sept. 24th)

September 24th: Backwarder, Gamer 2.0, & Weredad

Backwarder went deeper into Master Fu’s past by introducing an old love interest who has some involvement with the miracle box. Marianne was back in Paris after years apart from Fu due to the sensitive nature of Fu’s position as guardian. Unable to meet in person Fu gave Marinette a request to give Marianne a letter. A simple request made not so simple when Marinette also has a letter of her own she wishes to give Adrien on top of picking up Fu’s prescription at a pharmacy with a Doctors note. Its a classic situation of switching the papers up but it turned distarious when Marianne took Marinette’s note to Adrien as Fu’s note. She turned into Backwarder giving her the ability to reverse things. 

Marianne is used as an example as to why having secret identifies is a positive thing. Since she knew the guardian of the miracle box she was able to inform Hawkmoth. It’s nice seeing the what could go wrong with sharing too much information about the miraculous which gives all the secretiveness a purpose. Backwarder was a tricky akuma to battle. Her defeat called for Ladybug’s most complicated lucky charm. I love seeing how Ladybug’s mind work. She is able to plan out solutions in her head by taking in her surroundings and getting the timing just right. She always has to be one step ahead of the curve. Which makes it interesting when her plan is all about goin backwards to get the result she needs. Ladybug has a brilliant mind and I love seeing it highlighted. 

Gamer 2.0 explores the heavy toll that Marinette’s life takes as she works balances school, projects, and being a super hero. Giving her little to no time on doing activities for fun like playing video games. Because she has a jam pack schedule she lacks the patience to focus more energy on an akuma battle and wants to just quickly finishes things. This effects her performance in the battle which Chat Noir picks up on. Chat is having fun playing along with this akuma video game battle. He is someone who likes to live in the moment not feel stuck in it. He understands Ladybug’s perspective but knows that offering his own can help her get out of the funk she boxed herself in. This is one of the things that we constantly see Chat do over and over in their partnership. He is able to communicate with Ladybug in a way that can reach her and pull her out of a negative mental space. 

This is a big reason why I love them as partners. Chat was just extremely fun to watch this episode. He was not only performing well in battle but having a good time along the way. And as him and Ladybug work their way up to completely the video game battle they are forced to face off against each other. Chat Noir heroically sacrifices himself knowing he can fully trust Ladybug to bring him back and save the day. Another grand gesture of trust shown by Chat Noir. After the battle Chat Noir leaves Ladybug with a sweet sentiment. He tells her that his favorite moments are when he is just with her and he would give up everything for just those moments with her. Not only is this very sweet of him to say especially since Ladybug was having a hard time struggling with sacrifices but because we know what Adrien’s home life is like. He is forced to strict schedules and not allowed enough quality times with his friends. So being with Ladybug gives him that chance to feel free and have fun. 

Weredad puts Marinette’s acting skills to the test. After fearing that her identity was almost exposed to Chat Noir after he went after Ladybug only to find a detransformed Marinette on her balcony she does what any reasonable person will do in her situation. Proclaim her love for Chat Noir. Little did she know she also had an audience, her parents heard her proclamation of love and invited Chat over the apartment to join them in a meal. The whole situation called for some hilariously awkward moments and some really intense irony. Marinette does her best to act like she is hopelessly in love after Chat Noir respectfully decline her stating that he is in love with Ladybug. She pretends she is devastated by the news aiming to be as convincing as possible. Which actually worked a little too well because after seeing his daughter in such a distraught state, Tom gets akumatized into Weredad. 

Weredad traps Marinette in a thorn tower to protect her from getting her heart broken again. This means Chat Noir is temporally going to have to take on the akuma alone. Chat’s determination to save Marinette is so strong. Even though he does not yet understand his romantic feelings for Marinette that doesn’t mean he doesn’t deeply care about her. Not only was this situation confusing for him but it was extremely difficult for him as well. It was hard for Chat to reject Marinette because her friendship means a lot to him. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Marinette but he needed to be honest with his feelings. Even when Weredad had Chat bested, Chat refused to lose. Ultimately Marinette was the one who was able to deakumatize her father because she found the hidden rose. I’m glad she was still able to rescue herself from this situation while Chat was willing to fight for Marinette’s safety. 

About Sweet-ember:

For the month of September I wanted to spread some positivity and praise Miraculous Ladybug on the things I’ve appreciated/enjoyed from the show.

Everyday I’m going to select one particular moment, event, theme, etc. from an episode of Miraculous and shared what I liked from that episode. Each post will discuss 2-3 episodes (from season 1-3; 78 episodes in total).

Whether its something big or small there is something positive that I can take away from every single episode of Miraculous.

Please feel free to add a moment from these particular episodes that you loved to this post as well!

Salt towards the show, characters, ships will not be tolerated!

Sweet-ember posts

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17]

[18] [19] [20] [21] [22] [23] [24] [25] [26] [27] [28] [29] [30] [31]

#miraculous ladybug #ml sugar #ml sweet-ember #Backwarder #Gamer 2.0 #Weredad #ladynoir #marichat #mine