#but i hold hope that its true

[purrincess-chat]

Ironically, "Marinette is dumped by Adrien, then gets into romantic relationship with Chat Noir" is more or less beginning of "Chat Blanc"

It's basically as if (some) MariChat shippers want first half of "Chat Blanc" (where Chat Noir has "happy romantic relationship with Marinette" after finding out that she is Ladybug and deciding to don't tell her about it) to happen, but without "second half" (where Gabriel finds out that "Adrien = Chat Noir" and exploits it to akumatize Chat Noir into Chat Blanc)

There's a really weird double standard in the fandom, and a lot of people infantalize Adrien and are weirdly protective of him. So, I think a lot of people are taking the secret keeping personally, but the thing about it is, it shouldn't fall on Marinette to reveal all of the dirt on his family. Nathalie tried to have Gabriel tell him two seasons ago, but they never did and never pushed it again. I think if anyone should tell him, it should be Nathalie. Ya know, an actual adult in the situation who knows more than Marinette does.

Marinette has had her own share of trauma the past few seasons and has had to deal with way more than she should have. I think one telling moment to me that a lot are overlooking throughout this whole discourse is in Migration when Adrien is talking to the blue boy about Marinette keeping secrets from him back then. He wasn't pressed about knowing the secret; he just didn't want her to feel guilty about it. Because he has secrets too. I can maybe see a similar situation happening in s6 where she feels guilty about it, and maybe it does cause some contention in their relationship, but it doesn't necessarily mean they have to break up over it. They could and probably will work through it. I doubt she will ever tell him, at least not as Marinette bc that would mean a reveal, and we know the writers are milking that for all it's worth, so I doubt the secret is going to break them up necessarily.

The main and most plausible threat I could see is Lila/Cerise/Iris/whoever the fuck. But we will have to see.

#cat replies #asks #s5 discourse #i feel like i remember seeing thomas at one point saying #that they would date for the remainder of the show #but it was before everything in s5 so no one could tell if he was being serious or not #but i hold hope that its true #bc i really dont want back and forth shit #it was fun before they became official #but i have zero interest in cheating plotlines #or break up switch sides over and over #THAT is boring to me and unfulfilling #and imo would rob them of deeper development #so like rip to all yall that are into that but im different #give me a couple that goes through trials together and works to stay together #just bc theyre a couple now doesnt mean they cant experience drama and hardship #a breakup is not the only way to give a couple drama #yall broadcasting your own lack of creativity #it really is mc stans all over again #ml fandom salt #ugh

[nevarroes]

#art tag #gortcas #casim carnarvon #sorry guys proper context some other time maybe idk how to do it right now so no caption it is🤕 #the tldr is that Gortash offhandedly talked about how Cas can make him as fat as he pleases but really it wont make him him his #basically that he only allows Cas to have his way but hes still in full control #which is true yes and Cas knows that to an extent but its not something he wants to hear #because Cas very much holds onto the hope that Gortash will be his forever at some point. phsyically #because again. Cas won't ever believe just words he simply is unable to even if Gortash could never love anyone else #at the same time while yes he obviously enjoys the whole weight gain he does not consider his own enjoyment a good reason to do things #Cas is someone that very much disregards his own enjoyment of things as well as his wellbeing #Cas is just pulling away instead of acting mad in an obvious way. hes sticking around but hes not feeding or teasing him about his weight #and Gortash? is now left with not knowing how to fix it since Cas isnt acting as he usually does when hes hurt or mad. hes still there #and day after day passes where he yearns to have it back. practically begging Cas to continue so he can prove his devotion #prove that he mustve been wrong with his comment. that Cas can push his body as far as he wants to and he'll be his in the end #thx for reading my tags guys maybe i can share more about this scene some other time🙂‍↕️ for now just have the art

[outcastpack]

If I can dream long enough, you'd tell me I'd be just fine.

So... I'm bringing this back. I'll be honest I didn't play to return to this fic series for awhile since i wanted IWDIAOOY done and part of Thiac S5 au but well. @equallyloyalandlethal kinda inspired me to go open that doc and work on it hearing their reaction to part 1 in the comment they left and some of the frustrations you caught on to from @transdunbar and the edit yall made for it. I dusted out that old doc and took another look at the next part and had another look at the ol moodboard.

Yall can still blame 5SOS for the series too

Also a lil snippet from what I've done. (It still needs alot of work)

#Spotify #teen wolf #theo raeken #liam dunbar #thiam #WIP #holding out hope #my writing #i guess its true what they say. a simple comment or something else can inspire one to return to an old fic

[silverware-drawer]

I don't know what the future holds for the qsmp. I do know that for a lot of people this feels like an ending—but babes, please, remember that you are not your interests. I struggle a lot with identity because of various reasons, especially neurodivergence, and I look at the state of things rn and feel like I'm mourning myself, but that's not the case.

I love how it feels to care about the qsmp, but that doesn't mean that i need it to live. That doesn't mean I need it to be. I feel empty and full of grief and then I put on music and dance to it and I remember that I exist. Stories are powerful and addictive and so so necessary, but they are never more important than people. Never. The best thing you can do for yourself is to invest as much in your own life as you do in stories.

What you miss about the qsmp is how you felt engaging with it and who you were while loving it. Liking things isn't passive, it's a process of constant interaction between you and the story and that makes it deeply deeply personal. But it also means that everything you loved about it came from you and those parts of you are still there!! Please remember that!!

You will feel that way again. I promise. That version of you is not gone. I promise. Take the things qsmp taught you about yourself and the world and hold them up proudly because they are inside of you now, and nobody can ever take them away.

#qsmp #silverware lore #this is mostly a letter to myself but I hope it can help other people #i get so invested in my interests that i dont know how to define myself outside of them #but sometimes it's okay to just be. #you dont have to know who you are to be yourself. you just need to trust. #in the end its all about love #and all of this holds true for every interest!! not just qsmp!! #i think its maybe one of the hardest things you have to learn if you like things more intensely than most people #but its so so important and we can work on it together

[baeshijima]

it is now officially the 25th which means...

merry christmas everyone !!! regardless of whether u celebrate or not, i hope u all have a lovely day with whoever u spend it with or with urself <33

#sophie's idle chatter #this is scheduled so im HOPING it posts at 12 am.... prays.... #i havent been super active in the past month or two bc life is kicking my ass (<- has said this countless times already but its still true) #also !! i see asks and ill try and answer them when i actually have the time and energy 😭 ik i say this a lot but ive been drained good god #(not so) mini life updates : #the new lovebrush chronicles main story update has made me weep so much... ive done both clarence and ayns routes and.... #my god.... this story is darker and honestly im loving it AND i love how they did the chara roles in this world (alkaid... ourgh...) #my tear glands arent tho bc ayn ending 3.... what the fuck was that i couldnt sleep after doing that ending??? ITS WAS SO SAD AND FOR WHATF #currently having to wait until the 27th so i can do lars route 😔 #the recent ep of apothecary diaries.... ourgh my heart.... jinshi and maomao beloveds :(( #oh !! and ive gotten back into my ace of diamonds/daiya no ace phase and have been rewatching the series... #sobbing chris and yuki and miyuki my beloveds.... kissing ur foreheads and holding u gently..... #the way i got back into it bc im catching up on s2 of a clean sweep (a korean baseball variety show that i love with all my heart ;w;) #my mum is a traitor tho bc she watched every new ep that came out on tuesdays while i was in uni 🧍‍♀️ so now im catching up on the 30 eps #on my own 🧍‍♀️ #OMG AND ALSO DR STONE S3??? WHY WAS I NOT NOTIFIED THAT PART 1 CAME OUT MONTHS AGO AND PART 2 WAS MORE RECENT??? #i havent been doing that much writing recently tho bc the fingers wont type but the brain is exploding with ideas i cannot handle this #i do want to get back to the haitham sxf series tho.... and also my oc various x reader series....... #tbh ive been contemplating abt publishing the haitham series on ao3 once i write more chapters before publishing them #idk i feel like the series would be nice to have on ao3 as well as tumblr JHDG #thats abt it i think? #anywho if u read this far then know i am giving u a warm cookie as a condolence prize for getting through this life dump <33 #ill leave it off here but i hope u all have a lovely day !! mwah mwah merry chrysler everyone 🎄🫶 #queue... ueueue

[andromedasummer]

i ended up having a like. 30 minute conversation with some of those "freedom convoy" people. was at the bus stop. they were wearing trump hats. i ended up roped into the conversation because i was so taken aback at seeing one in public i was just. staring at it. ive never felt more depressed about someone elses life and beliefs than when i talked to them.

#they fucking. tokd me about the litterboxes in schools for kids identifying as cats and i had to #break it to them that that wasnt true and explained that. also explained. what its like yo be autistic. how i find it joyful #and also discussed how they believe trump has been spoken to by god and chosen to lead and how they arent christians or catholics like they #used to be but instead talk directly to him and have him inside them #and also apparently how 15 minute cities in china are used to keep people imprisoned where they are #and we arent a democracy anymore. which was so funny considering. they are participating for a party #running in the election #i gave them my perspective on being transgender and gay and watched them have like. 3 or 4 ''are we the baddies'' moments #explained what puberty blockers actually do. that surgery is paid out of peoples own pockets. that we literally only have #one doctor who can perform these surgeries and hes abt to retire #and at the end of the convo they were like ''youre so pleasant. youre really smart young lady'' and i was like ''ty? i just. read a lot' #god i hope they learned. something. or i changed some opinion. they seemed to have a more positive view of autistic people at least #i just like. fuck dude. these fuckin right wing grifters are ruining these peoples lives. #the lady has been unemployeed since covid cos she got sucked into this antivax stuff and now theyre both financially unstable #perfect targets for tamaki and the freedoms people who were known for squeezing money out of people through bogus religious stuff #those two have been twisted into just. hateful and scared and are saying the most. insane shit and they dont even realize it. #and the worst part of it was the amount of young people there. so many people my age just deluded into this nonsense. #and kids JESUS CHRIST so many kids holding signs about ''protecting the kiwi way of life'' like bro every single thing #you are getting upset about an imported culture war. you arent threatened by this shit. #youve latched onto american culture war stuff because youre insecure in your whiteness and existence in a colonial country #its so fucking evil.

[noose-lion]

There's just something about that point in your life, when you're still in the pit, you're still at what you feel to be your lowest point, but now your outward look on life is different.

Before, you were in the pit and you were looking down at the damage it was doing. You were desperately trying to patch yourself up because the pit monsters were still in there with you.

But now, the monsters are gone. Your wounds are no longer being continuously reopened, they can close and scar and heal.

So you don't have to look deeper into the pit, always on guard. You can look up. You can look at the soft glow of the pit's mouth, and be reminded that there is a way out.

You will be better.

And are you not just curious enough to want to know and see what the light holds? What new things you may discover outside of the pit.

#hope #depression #its gonna get better #i CHOOSE to believe that #i wanna see what true adulthood holds #i wanna turn into the person i always needed and never got #i will NOT be like the ones that failed me #jester lore #jester's ramblings #jesters privilege #life #introspection

[nyupuun]

i felt a bit bad because people kept tagging ancient pixie dragon as ancient fairy dragon... so I doodled both of my yaoi-handed blue noodles.

#“uhm akshually her name is fairy dragon - ancient in the manga so its not wrong :nerd: :point_up:” #AND UR RIGHT!!! but I still interpret them as different spirits. #But its like. hard to explain. like they would be in different dimensions of the duel monster spirit world #its like how stardust spark dragon is TECHNICALLY stardust dragon but i interpret her differently from anime stardust dragon #(or tcg/ocg stardust dragon) #simply because im delusional and like to imagine the duel dragons are characterized differently #<- said about beings that hold barely any character to begin with #but also kinda not true because the duel dragons are from ultimaya tzolking like how the signer dragons serve the crimson dragon and theyre #opposing forces yadayada #well you get what i mean.... i hope #sorry im autistic and dragons and yugioh are my special interests can you tell yet? #anyways ancient pixie dragon i view as somewhat of a scary little dragon who hides in the ancient forests #and just straight up kills people that disturb it #kinda like ancient fairy dragon in episod e 19 (almost) #well anyways enough rambled i seem insane i shared too much leave a like comment and subscribe :thumbs_up: #long tags #random ramble #yugioh #yugioh tcg #doodle #barely counts but WHATEVERRRRR #sorry oh my god im so embarrassed. #if anyone wants to talk about their hyperspecific yugioh duel monster spirit characterization #thoughts on dragons or whatsoever #My inbox is open and i am starving #or dms #or anything #plsss /j

[isaacathom]

the fun thing about having both my oc's character sheet and a relevant npc's character sheet is that i can look at them and go, hmn. yeah that npc couldnt kill me unless the stars aligned

cause at one point mariela wanted naielle dead. was fully out for blood. the only thing stopping her was/is the geas-esque effect imposed by their shared warlock patron.

removing the geas is necessary for making it remotely viable, because mariela flatly cannot do enough damage in a single instance to outpace geas, and the best way for her to stop naielle from killing her back would be hold person, which is almost guaranteed to drop if she's taking geas damage throughout.

so you have to remove the geas, which broadly supposes that naielle has voided her own pact and not marielas. so we already have a point of 'well, it has to go that way' and while thats not impossible at all, its not the only way things will go.

naielle HAS to be out of the pact entirely for this to remotely work, too, because mariela NEEDS to remove her radiant resistance. her only damaging spell in significant amounts is guiding bolt, which is useless against naielle as a celestial warlock. you NEED that resistance gone to stand a chance.

but even then - mariela's a warlock too. she can only do guiding bolt so many times. 3, in fact. 3 regulars wont do it. it MIGHT, but the room of error is so small.

the best way to do it, in my mind, would be to use slot one to hold person, and take advantage of the auto crit w/i 5ft to launch 2 guiding bolts straight to the dome. 32d6+8, bam.

except this requires naielle to fail, at minimum, 3 wisdom saves. if she succeeds on even one of them, you lose an autocrit and are now w/i 5ft of a woman who, while down her warlock spells, still has a sword and a dragon king in her pocket. you need her to fail every single wis save.

now, i dont know how you'd rule the proficiency bonus of a classless individual (since if naielle isnt a warlock... well... ?). it might depend on circumstance, when mariela tries this. if naielles not a warlock, there was talk that she'd be made a fighter for a few sessions before becoming a sorcerer (long story). if shes in either, then wisdom fails are entirely doable, since she'd only have a +2. if she's still using the proficiency from her being a warlock (ie if mariela tries this immediately after naielle stops being a warlock), then mariela is fucked.

its possible. but still, 3 failed wisdom saves. marielas dc is only, what, 17? naielle still has a like 75% ish chance to get one of them. and even one success immediately fucks the plan. its not impossible, but its not great.

now a depowered naielle is NOT capable of killing mariela, ignoring the fact that naielle is not particularly inclined to do so, even if mariela is literally murdering her. naielles stubborn. but if she gets a turn off, she'll have to ability to alert people. and at that point shits fucked. like to get this to work, and stay working, you gotta kill her and keep her dead for over a minute. good luck?

an option for that is to remove her from the jade sea entirely, aware from the crew, and maybe just merc her in the astral sea. thats one of your spell slots spent just getting her there, assuming she doesnt manage to succeed on the check to Not Be Grabbed? like eg if its plane shift (which mariela wouldnt have access to, but lets not quibble), an unwilling creature has to hit with a melee spell attack (admittedly not hard here, her ac is only 16, marielas got over 50% chance to hit), and then fail a charisma save. even if naielle is no longer proficient with cha saves, its her highest stat. its not a sure bet. also if you use plane shift like that she gets banished on her own, you dont go with her and continue the fight. so you'd have to finagle.

removing naielle from the primary source of her power (her warlock patron) and her defences (the crew) are basically both required. if shes on her own in the astral sea, well. but llso! dragon king in pocket! if you start really wailing on her, and shes alone, if she gets the slightest chance she's going to do something with that orb, and she wont be happy about it afterwards but it might just give her the means to escape.

a LOT has to go marielas way to kill naielle, is all im saying. you'd want to get her out of the pact, remove her from the fleet, and ideally separate her from both the dragon orb AND her mindflayer sword, which SHE CAN USE TO PLANE SHIFT. Even if you're not on a different plane in this fight, Naielle might panic and peace the fuck out. you'd have to chase her. thats another spell slot.

fully mariela couldnt kill naielle unless she had help. maybe using a summon spell could help, get a creature restraining her, things of this nature. you have to completely disarm her. and if you did, and she's alone, and theres noone to save her, you would be forced to just like. eldritch blast her down. it would be a pathetic fight. it wouldnt be satisfying. it would be slow and painful and it would linger if shes trying to escape, and if shes not, thats not fucking satisfying either. no way thats what mariela would want. she might even give up after a bit of that.

probably easier overall to just kidnap her or smth. dont stop anywhere, just take her back or smth. she can be executed no problem. but mariela doing it herself is just going to be a miserable affair for everyone involved, including her.

#now you may ask - why the fuck was i thinking about this #and the answer is - im procrastinating. and hyping myself up for fridays game (which i hope runs) #ive been faintly off my rocker about this campaign since last session so its been a month of like. stewing #with this in specific uhhhhh musing on naielles main subplot. wondering what an npc's goal was #cause as i said - mariela did fully want naielle dead at one point. idk if its still true? #and id hope that mariela knows as well as i do that killing naielle is a fucking nightmare #like she HAS to know that it would be a slog and require a lot of shit to align #that said - it would be so funny if she did get the hold erson off by surprise #just like. get naielle while shes sleeping. or working on smth. bring that one full circle #since the first thing mariela knew that naielle was back/around was when she held person'd her. hysterical stuff. #but yeah no like even if mariela still wants naielle dead shes gonna have to put in so much effort to get it #and she lacks a bunch of options that naielle currently has (ie the sword. the orb. etc)

[grim-echoes]

sega is no capcom but it's shocking to me that after nearly 20 years of their business model being a guilt-ridden "throw our product to the wolves and avert our gaze while it gets torn apart and we start work on the next one hoping the wolves will leave it alone this time" process, sonic frontiers has not only been a monumental success but has adopted the post-launch free update model to allow sonic team and morio kishimoto to continue working on and improving the game long past the point where sega would have ever considered it financially advisable or worth risking its reputation on and that's genuinely fucked up to me

#sega is a business first and foremost and that will never change same as with capcom and literally any AAA company out there #but in a post-06 world it's especially hard to visualize the idea of an earnest effort being made at letting a game's integrity hold true #i'm happy that mania was such a massive success but all it really did for me was show how little confidence sega had in its mascot #by shying away from the more risk-taking 3d formula and focusing instead on simple tried-and-true nostalgic gameplay #i really hope this means good things for the franchise as a whole after frontiers concludes #i have a lot of doubts but. i fucking miss being able to enjoy sonic in earnest #and frontiers is the first game i've bought since fucking 2011 and i haven't regretted it whatsoever

[sk3l3t0n444]

i feel like everybody hates me, but especially those who i look up to...i feel like a little kid again...looking up to those who only look down upon me, instead of picking me up and embracing me.

#i just feel like nobody fucking likes me...like everybody secretly hates me and are actively trying to make me feel bad about myself #like i know that probably isnt true...but its the only thing that make sense #like no matter what i do everybody seems to leave me alone in my own little bubble... #everybody has their little groups with their little friends...but i dont...im the one who is a small member of multiple groups... #and that gets me left in the fucking dust #i just want to belong somewhere...i change and adapt to hopefully become a part of some group but it never works #i just want someone to hold me and tell me itll be ok...and that people dont actually hate me... #ykw if you fucking hate me you can tell me anons are on...i just wanna know im not the crazy one here... #im just trying to fit it so much that ive lost myself...who am i and who is what ive become? #i try and be friendly...and hope that i get accepted somewhere but they never really care... #im like the last kitten left in the cardboard box...all the others were cuter and healthier and now nobody wants me #nobody wanted me from the start...and now im all alone #idfk #i would do anything for a hug rn #since january shit has been going downhill...died...moved...gone...and then i had some people who cared and then it all fell apart again... #i just want to belong somewhere ffs...i want to be able to have friends...not just people who tolerate me... #i would rather have one friend that 10 people who tolerate me #idfk...im going to go eat ice cream until i cant feel any emotions anymore... #if i wasnt a pussy i would be stealing my parents alcohol...they already dont like when i eat... #or maybe i shouldnt eat...then maybe someone would love me...idfk...i just want to feel loved and secure and like i fucking belong

[sunset-bridge]

i would defend the p3 og or FES artstyle with my life actually. if you think its ugly. youre nothing to me. fuckyoufuckyoufuckyou

#HEHE silly but #i absolutely adore the p3 style this is true this is literally true about me #true jorge facts #its so awesome. i adore it so bad. holds it in my heart. its so funky and expressive that the modern sprites lack. #if you think its ugly or bad . i hope you trip and explode a bit TEE HEE #i do love also p4 and p5 artstyle. but god p3.. #P2 ALSO btw. i have not played it but my friend loves it and showed me a lot of non spoiler sprite expressions and oughhhhhhhhhhh SO GOOD !

[merethicera]

the dude whose content i tend to recommend as a better alternative to pat's unhinged rambling put out a new video in his 3 part skyrim series and he has bad stormcloak takes too

(i dont feel like being eloquent so im just gonna ramble in the tags)

#i shouldnt be surprised considering pat promotes him at the beginning of his video but i was holding out hope #its at least a little more sound than pat's owning the libs rant #dude makes salient points using ulfric's dialogue and tries to argue that 'skyrim belongs to the nords' #refers not to removing every other race but to returning control of the province back to its ''native'' inhabitants #instead of the empire (full acknowledgement here that nords as native inhabitants is incorrect but it's the easiest way to summarize this #point he's making. significant amounts of the land belong to the forsworn etc) #which from galmar and ulfric's dialogue may well be true given they dont Bar you from joining the stormcloaks and seem to lean more into #the imperial conflict when prompted #but regardless of what ulfric and galmar may say the overall influence of their movement has incited racism on a mass scale and they grey #quarter and argonian dockworkers still exist #stormcloak aligned npcs as a whole will still insult you and tell you you dont belong unless you're a nord #dude argues that the two guys harassing the dark elf woman in the front of windhelm arent representative of the stormcloaks because they #arent soldiers but theyre clearly aligned with ulfric's side #(he also insists that the woman saying it's 'not [her] fight' (irt the civil war) is selfish on her part somehow #and then goes on to give the whole 'but the dark elves are meanies too >:(' argument pat does #theres also the ex stormcloak guy who talks directly about ulfric being a racist but op writes him off because his dialogue mentions #khajiit caravans and the like who he says arent ulfrics citizens #but it reads more to me as bad bethesda writing than that dude being written to have shit arguments #as op and pat are trying to posit #i dunnou man I think if we're gonna argue this we need to look at what the game actually gives us and not what we think #bethesda was TRYING to say if we're gonna pick apart this questline in good faith #you cant just be like 'well i think todd didnt MEAN for them to be as racist as they are so theyre not THAT bad' #and then take all the other content in the game at face value and criticize it that way #cake eating it too etc #anyway sorry for being MIA outside of the queue im working on a restraining order against the wizard at work

[theheadlessgroom]

@beatingheart-bride

Although he reciprocated the kiss without a moment's hesitation, her lament was nothing short of a knife to the gut; to imagine, for decades, Emily had felt so...empty. So...incomplete, as if she were missing a part of herself for so long, all because of his absence. Once more did it make him hate his future self, leaving Emily so alone for so long-where in God's name could he have gone? Why did he have to leave her behind?

The resentment swelled in his chest, but he tried his best not to dwell on it-how could he, when Emily's soft, heavenly lips were pressed up against his so tenderly? That was enough for such resentment to become washed away in a sea of love, and when he parted from her, he remained close, once again pressing his forehead against hers as he said, voice soft and gentle:

"I promise you, Emily, that you will never that way again. You will never, ever be lonely again, because I swear to you now...you will never lose me again. Ever."

#((it does feel like a lot of them have fizzled out!)) #((i was cleaning out my following tab and seeing all of the inactive 'hm' blogs was really surprising)) #((and honestly sad to see; that they've all gone by the wayside in the years since!)) #((but again; i do still hold out hope that with the new movie out; we'll get some new blood)) #((so to speak anyways!)) #((and it's true; we're still going strong; and we're showing no signs of stopping anytime soon!)) #((we really have had no fears of running out of ideas-we finish one rp)) #((and two more ideas appear in its place! and i for one think that's wonderful)) #((and i look forward to seeing what comes next!)) #outofhatboxes #beatingheart-bride #V:Days of Future Past

[i-am-free-now-it-seems]

An arrow doesn’t stop wounding; It only seems to. Its presence and absence wound equally, but its brutality is unknown to us at this moment, and we are just two girls. Two girls breathless and afraid, fearing a hurt they cannot avoid. Your eyes are cast down, can’t hold my gaze, as if I could hold yours anyway. Looking at you is too much even to bear. You are a reminder of everything I cannot have, everything I need to breathe.

The arrow shoots through us, the damn thing holding us together like we are beads on that necklace you won’t stop playing with, binding our bodies together like I wished our love would. Forced together by the violence of it, bodies pressed into each other and still I’m not looking into your eyes. Why do we love each other despite it all? The answer lies in the way the world stops when I look at you, in the way that I would care less about the sun exploding than you turning away in this moment. The arrow was shot like an accusation, a warning, a cry for deliverance. All because this love is not of Eden? Is that why we must be damaged in order to be connected? The wound blooms around the arrow, the tearing of flesh making me feel as if I am finally ready to meet your eyes, and yet when you look up I cannot look back at you, your expression as indicative of damage as the blood spewing from us. The blood I choke on rises in my throat like bile, and our blood begins to mix between us. The closest we can be is this, our blood mixing in a pool beneath our feet, finally letting us merge into one being.

Here it is, the universe says. You wanted this. You wanted to love her so much you became one thing, and we have given that to you. Look. You cannot separate from her without dying, the arrow barely holding the blood inside your bodies. Take it out, it challenges. Take out the missile which rips you apart and binds you together. See how you like losing every last breath screaming her name.

Tell me a story, and make it sad. Tell me how two girls were too young to know that their small town was not the whole world. Tell me how the love they hid killed them. Tell me how, when they were taken to the church, they never stopped holding hands. Tell me how one of their mothers walked into the room where they were joined, kissing as lovers should. Tell me how they had enough time, enough time to pull away, enough time to be safe, enough time to hide the love others call sin. Tell me how they gave up their lives to go out on their own terms, how they were broken by the world, unable to love again as they had. Tell me how they think about each other till the day they die; how they never pulled the arrow out. How they never pulled the arrow out.

There was time, I scream to myself. They had time to save themselves, but didn’t. They chose to let the arrow kill them slowly, as long as they could hold each other. Their love was what kept them bound, after all, the arrow would kill them whether they pulled it out or not, the damage already too much. Why not die holding each other as their blood stains the world?

There is no blood, not really. There is just a girl sitting across from me in class, and when she smiles I feel the arrow sinking deeper into my ribcage. I want to trap it there, take the hurt for myself and myself alone, just so she will never feel it. Then, one night in an empty parking lot she pulls me in for a hug and her eyes linger on my lips, and I know I cannot save her from that which will tear us apart. So we don’t let go, and her parents find us, hugging like it could replace what we really want. They called me her best friend, such a good and caring friend, if they only knew. When we kissed for the first time my heart felt like it was bursting, but the only thing on my mind was the arrow. So when she tried to pull away when she heard the footsteps, I begged. I said please, love. We cannot end this here. I won’t bleed out alone.

Now, I am almost 20. It has been years since she pushed me away. In those years I have healed myself alone, each mistake sending pain through the hole in my chest. I saw her at the corner of my street and hers. She looks like she hasn't lived a day since we kissed, as if her life paused then and never restarted. Maybe as recently as a year ago I would have put the arrow back in, held us together again knowing she couldn’t stay, knowing I would undo years of my own progress just to try and save her. Not now. My wound is almost healed, I am so close to whole again.

And so I walked away, leaving her despite knowing I will always have the scars across my ribcage to remind me of her. Two women, cleaved together like wounded animals, never able to stop wondering what their future could have been in a life where love is not met by violence. Two women who pulled the arrow out.

#poet #poetry #poem #Poems #poets on tumblr #ok so this one is weird #like not a single detail of the stories is true lmao #but i just saw the concept #of an arrow holding two people together who are shot #and i fell in love #like this is my longest prose piece #its the first one i ever properly edited #like i spent a whole ass lecture editing this instead of taking notes #all this to say #I hope you enjoy it! #lgbt #sapphic #wlw #gay

[hejustcancelledit]

A cinema in my city is gonna hold a live viewing of LEC Summer finals, LEC Season finals and Worlds finals. I wanna go so bad, I'm gonna need to keep watch on when they start selling tickets, it sounds so hype.

#its the closest i can get to attending a live game #and it gets me excited. i wanna experience being in a group of fans watching a game live #(if rumors hold true that worlds 2024 could be held in london then theres hope for me going then. but thats not 100%)