#but i have half the mind to orphan it if I'm honest

[roxannes-love-letters]

I know I said I'd have the last chapter of For As Long As The Sun Sets In The West ready for today but I can't.

Every time I try to edit it I end up spiraling into a days long depression, just thinking about it makes my chest hurt.

It's just. Not good. And I don't want to leave it unfinished, but at the same time, I can't bring myself to post it, either.

#that does not mean that it's abandoned just #i don't know #everything i write seems terrible horrible the worst thing no one has ever written #i guess I'll eventually edit and post it #its already written that's the wost part #i just hate it so much #im sure it's a side effect of anxiety or writer's block or whatever #but i have half the mind to orphan it if I'm honest #personal #vent post

[gogolstoelicker]

Dorm leaders with a Razor!MC

a/n: totally lost the pookie who asked for this but if by some miracle yk its you, pls dont beat me up for taking so long </3 /j

also if tumblr did smth weird with the bullet points again, point ur guns at the app

its one week before my exams so im using my adrealine for smth!!

You are generally good-natured person who considers your wolf pack your family and becomes enraged if they are hurt by other parties. You love your wolf family but dislike the fact that you aren't fully like them. You considered the few humans you do encounter to be your friends and are willing to protect them from danger if it means sacrificing your and your pack's dinner for the night. You are a quick thinker. You are also honest and forthright due to your limited exposure to human life. You are not used to speaking and only speak in short phrases and words, finding it troublesome, but you continue nonetheless.

Riddle

my mans stopping you like this to take a look at your uniform

pookie, youre a lil messy rn -he said this in anger, I'm just giving you the nicer version

its ok, he helped you clean up a lil after!!

u absolutely trying not to mess up the collar and tie up bcs its so uncomfortable:😢😔

it always goes back to the messy version as soon as hes out of sight or its half the day already

he wont find out (i lied he absolutely did)

he can always count on u to tell him the truth should your friends ever do smth bad

"broke. chair." while pointing at ace and deuece

they have tears in their eyes as riddle approach them

honestly some of ur behaviour makes him go⁉️

fr thought u were a beastman or smth

then found out youre just a human whos lived with wolves their whole life

FUCKEKEKE REMEMBER THAT TIME IN HIS OVERBLOT WHEN HE WAS TALKING ABT PARENTS

u being an orphan as he goes on with his speech: /JOKE

ace beats his ass up for u its ok

him trying to figure out how they didnt try to eat u🤔

he didnt try to stop u but that wont mean he wont go😅😅

ALSO eat ur veggies pls

hes chasing u around heartslabyul trying to make u eat a wee bit of carrots

Leona

"veggies:( bad:(" "so real"

^ur real time convo

whenever youre given food with veggies, u pass it off to leona

leona then pass it to ruggie who then muched it off

he absolutely told u to give ruggie any veggies btw (free food for the man‼️)

ruggie is forever happy to receive free food

he actually thought u were a beastman too because of your scent

"r u a jack kinnie?" he would ask (he didnt ask it like that)

turns out you just got raised by them

idk savanaclaw might be an ok? place for u? considering most of them r beastman there

like its not even surprising to see u practicing with them every morning anymore

ruggie dragged both u and leona by the collar to practice btw

"im all the way in ramshackle" leona surprise adopted u to savanaclaw, dont resist /J

u surprisingly get along well with him‼️‼️

leona acting like he doesnt care abt the youngsters👴🙄 (hes failing)

he totally didnt take a nap with you in his usual spots, no who did that?? pft not him

no he did NOT save u from accidentally getting hurt by your friend's troubles btw no

also, he did not mind that you do not talk much

the less words the better for him!! he encourages this (he got beat up later by the people who thinks otherwise)

Azul

youre so simple, azul actually had a great time

"pls sign this contract to save ur friends" "ok:)"

well youre homeless now (not rlly u have a home in savanaclaw)

yk those super villains laughing evilly everytime their plans r going so well?? thats azul

he didnt even need to put many efforts in trying to trick u, u just go thumbs up at him

he does not feel bad btw

he does not care if youre a beastman or not. a business opportunity is all you'll ever be to him

maybe a friend too but you'll need to unlock friendship level 10 for that

can wolves swim underwater, im sayign yes for plot reasons

anyways u came back from trying to get the painting(?) picture (?) like a wet dog

im saying nonsense rn i think i need sleep its almost 1am

he threw his head back 90° to laugh dramatically at how u reminded him of a wet dog

this is a joke, do not come for me

honestly he had to drag u away from the lounge once bcs u tried catching the fishes in the aquarium

"MF LEAVE MY FISHES TF ALONE IF U WANT TO LIVE" is what he wouldve said if hes not a professional businessman

he is a professional guys do not worry💯

honestly, he is pretty ? that you had trouble speaking

after finding out its bcs youve been isolated from the human things, he kind of goes🤔

the business in his head is controlling him before he can stop them😖🫣

would u like a potion from him to help u with that problem<33

honestly head empty rn

Kalim

rhey all thought you were a beastman and he is not an exception

is def surprised bcs ur ass howled one time at a full moon

he witnessed that, he had the front row seat as witness

he lets u do ur thing its ok

even asked u if its family tradition HELP /J

"oh man u have such fluffy hair"

he said before trying to touch it and realising its literally tangled all over

him and jamil whos right next to him

were u raised in a barn??

kalim assumed theres no hairbrush in ramshackle

u dont have to worry bro, kalim is more than happy to stock u up with some hairbrush

"oh its nothing much dont worry😊🙏‼️" the literal gold handles on the hairbrush:

u dont have to worry abt not speaking much, he speaks enough for the both of u

he spoke such strange things u dont understand him sometimes

u just nod along and gave him thumbs up

its like sun and moon but the moon is confused /j

if youre sleeping outside, he will join u btw

he brought his pillows and blanket out to have a small sleepover with u

jamil had a mini heart attack when he went to wake kalim up in the morning to see hes missing from his bed

Vil

vil when be sees u

yk how yall lived in pomefiore for a bit after the idia thing??

yeah he polished u up so much bro

u came into the dorm looking like someone abandoned u so youe only option was to live in the jungle with the help of ur jungle friends and have survived through the way of the mammals since u were an infant

and u came out looking like a brand new person

u came out of the dorm looking like u got new skin that its literally shining under light, ur hair softer and no longer tangled and no more eyebags and u smell like flowers

vil wiping his forehead after a job well done😊🙏

also he was pretty shocked when he found out u were pretty isolated from the human norms or whatever

he did try his best to break you bad habits, like literally running in mud

he also helped u with like speaking problems?

he got u a whole dictionary in case u dont know the word bro

also fix ur uniform for ueach time u try to loosen it up because its too suffocating for u

if u try to loosen it up one more time, he'll add the veggies in ur plate

he absolutely does makes u eat ur veggies

he'll tie u down a chair and make u eat them even

/j he wouldnt. he have rook to help him with that

Idia

him after he fixed ur dorm with the greatest and newest updated quality just for u to sleep outside

he gets it, youve been raised this way

but he just fixed it for u bro😢😢cant u at least sleep in there

grim sleeps in diff rooms every day bcs of the upgrade and u did this?? /j

oh well at least the outside kind of looks better now too he guess....

u dont even use the tv, u dont know how it works

"people in there real?" "? no ?"

he beats u in every video games ever because u literally could not keep up with technology

hes slaying everyone and youre wondering how to make ur character walk the way u wanted them to

u accidentally drowned somehow in the video game

he feels a tad bit bad for u

he cant bond much with u because like

hes quiet, youre quiet

hes a modern dude, u dont even know whats a phone

he likes video games, u prolly like hunting for food

if you two r in a room together, the only people who r talking r literally the wind

"whoosh whoosh whoosh🌬" whoosh whoosh🌪

Malleus

he spoke enough for the both of u (its abt gargoyles)

he actually spoke so much confusing words for u

u looked at him like 😃🫨 (ur head is spinning and u r dying)

u can always ask him if u dont understand tho

he will explain in another paragraph but its ok, at least u understand now

barely actually

ur brain hurts and its fried from talking to him since he use big words

he did try to use simpler words for u!!

oh u two can kind of bond i think

youre both not familiar with technology so it will work well

u know those faces grandparents make when looking through new technologies

like the eyes squinting and eyebrows furrowed look with thag confused look

yeah thats the both of u

u both try to figure it out together (it did not work out)

yall asked lilia for help

peepaw is into the trends, he can help the both of u dont worry!!

he saw how messy you could be sometimes and went damn

he'll fix u up with magic its ok

show me funny things, magic man

anyways its a habit of his to fix anything in ur appearance whenever u have ur nighty walks

like u have this dirt on ur white uniform? say no more.

theres a damned branch in ur hair (dont ask how u got that) and its tangled in ur hair?? he got u pookie

part of ur clothes r literally ripped off because god's knows what youve been doing in your free time??? u dont even need to ask bbg

#also i think razor and silver can get along quite well #the adoptive sons #twst wonderland #twst #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #riddle rosehearts #leona kingscholar #azul ashengrotto #kalim al asim #vil schoenheit #idia shroud #malleus draconia #how do i usually tag #in my boomer era i forgot how to post #is this what i usually tag??? #say yes pls

[ga-yuu]

----Part 1-----

A few days later....

Morinaga: "A formal agreement has been reached between Yoritomo-sama and Yoshitsune-sama regarding Yoshino going to Hiraizumi."

(....! Really?)

I meet up with Morinaga-san, Benkei and Sueharu-san to hear the results.

Benkei: "The Rebels will not do anything to Yoshino, who accompanies the orphans, with her bodyguard."

Benkei: "Even after finishing her business, Yoshino won't be restrained."

Benkei: "In exchange for agreeing to that, Yoshino will be staying with us at the Rebels' mansion."

Sueharu: "Huh?"

Yoshino: "Eh!?"

My eyes widen in surprise.

Benkei: "Yoshino's supernatural powers makes her a threat to Yoshitsune-sama and the Rebels."

Benkei: "So surveillance is better when it's close at hand."

Benkei: "........well, that's only half of the reason."

(Hmm? There's another reason?)

Benkei: "The main reason is that, Yoshitsune-sama has taken interest in you."

Yoshino: "....!? Yoshitsune-sama!? Why?"

Benkei: "You can ask him when you meet him in person."

Sueharu: "............"

Morinaga: "To be honest, we're all a little worried...."

Morinaga-san looks at us with a wry smile.

Morinaga: "But Yoshitsune-sama is not the kind to break agreements, so your safety is guaranteed."

Morinaga: "Still, the Shogunate was allowed to send a bodyguard to the Rebels' house along with you."

Yoshino: "You're right! Then I won't feel nervous..."

Sueharu: "If you're appointing some average bodyguard, then they will be instantly crushed by Kurama with his fingertips."

(Ughh)

Then, as if he had realised something, Sueharu-san glared at Morinaga-san.

Sueharu: "Wait a minute! Please tell me it's not you, Morinaga!"

Morinaga: "Honestly I wanted to, but I got other jobs."

Sueharu: "Pheww~"

Morinaga: "Sorry I can't come with you, Yoshino. But don't worry, the bodyguard that is appointed for you is very reliable!"

Yoshino: "Really!?"

Morinaga: "Yep. He's very hardworking, very responsible, very kindhearted...."

Then Morinaga-san held up his index finger.

Morinaga: "He's eyes glow like the clear sky. His smile resembles a blooming flower and his blushing cheeks are redder than a rose."

(Hm?)

At that moment, the sliding door burst open and someone jumped into the room.

Shigehira: "What kind of introduction is that!?"

-----Part 2-----

At that moment, the sliding door burst open and someone jumped into the room.

Shigehira: "What kind of introduction is that!?"

(Shigehira-san!?)

Shigehira: "I arrived just a moment ago and I heard you guys....how embarrassing, I look like an idiot now."

(He's embarrassed...)

Benkei: "It's been a long time, Taira no Shigehira."

Shigehira: "...Same here."

Sueharu: "I see. So you are Yoshino's bodyguard."

Yoshino: "Shigehira-san..."

Shigehira: "What? You have complaints?"

Yoshino: "Not at all....! Actually, thank you!"

I shake my head in panic and straightened my back.

Morinaga: "Good for you, Shigehira. You got what you wanted. Did you know, Shigehira was begging everyone to give him this role."

(Eh?)

Shigehira: "Hey! Don't say that...!"

Sueharu: "Ohh..."

Shigehira: "Why are you giving me that look!?"

Shigehira-san raised his voice and pointed his finger at us.

Then he awkwardly looks towards me.

Shigehira: "Don't get me wrong."

Shigehira: "I will not tolerate cruelty towards orphans, and if Yoshino-san is going into enemy territory for those children..."

Shigehira: "Then....because she's on our side......it's only natural to help her, right?"

(He....called me his ally)

Sueharu: "Heh. But you guys at one point of time suspected Yoshino for having informal connections with me, right?"

Shigehira: "Yeah? Whose fault do you think it is?"

Shigehira-san glares at Sueharu-san, blue veins slightly popping on sides of his beautiful face.

Yoshino: "Shigehira-san, it's okay. I don't mind anymore."

Yoshino: "It's natural that you'd would suspect me in that situation. But now I'm glad that you said you were on my side in this situation."

Shigehira: "Yoshino-san..."

Shigehira: "The suspicion against you has already been completely resolved in the Shogunate, thanks to Morinaga-san's report."

Shigehira: ".....Yoritomo-sama and Kagetoki-san are waiting for your return."

(Thank god....)

Yoshino: "Thank you! Shigehira-san."

Feeling relieved, I smiled.

Shigehira: "Just call me Shigehira. You don't need to add extra titles anymore."

Yoshino: "....! Really..? Are you...sure?"

Shigehira: "Of course. We're comrades now and we both are about the same age."

(I'm so happy. I'm finally being recognised!)

Yoshino: "In that case, I'll call you Shigehira-kun! Can I?"

Shigehira: ".......Mm."

Sueharu: "Nice to meet you too, Shigehira-kun."

Shigehira: "That's not for you!"

-----Part 3-----

Sueharu: "Nice to meet you too, Shigehira-kun."

Shigehira: "That's not for you!"

Shigehira-kun snapped at Sueharu-san who interrupted us.

(For the serious Shigehira-kun, Sueharu-san may be a natural enemy...)

Sueharu: "But I'm close with Yoshino too."

Sueharu: "If Shigehira is Yoshino's friend, I can be friends with you too, right?"

Shigehira: "What kind of logic is that.....? Also, what do you mean by 'close'?"

Sueharu: "Well..."

------Options------

Don't say inappropriate things.

We're just...friends.

You're just mistakening.

--------

Yoshino: "We're just friends...! There's nothing more to it, I swear."

Sueharu: "The best parts of being just friends is that you think you're just friends but instead you're actually drowning in love."

Shigehira: "HUHHH!?"

(Sueharu-san is always teasing me....)

Benkei: "Relax Shigehira. Here, have some tea."

Shigehira: "....Ah..tea, at a time like this?"

Shigehira-kun takes cup from Benkei's hands anyway and drinks it in one gulp.

Shigehira: "....Mmm, this tastes good."

Morinaga: "Yep. Benkei is really good at making tea."

Sueharu: "You seem to have gotten too comfortable with your enemy."

Morinaga: "On the battlefield, we're enemies. But outside that, Benkei and I are muscle-buddies."

Shigehira: "---Muscle buddies?"

Shigehira-kun's ears twitch.

Sueharu: "These two had a push-up competition inside an oxcart we were riding. It was so annoying."

Sueharu: "But who cares, Shigehira seems like he won't tolerate nonsense like that."

Shigehira: "Those biceps..."

(Umm)

Shigehira-kun gazes Morinaga-san and Benkei's arms with a fiery passion.

Sueharu: "Shigehira?"

Shigehira: "Damn, I wish I was there to see it....I-I mean..."

Shigehira: "You two seem like you had a lot of fun talking about your bodies after the competition, right.......?"

(Surprisingly, Shigehira-kun seems to be really interested, huh...?)

Benkei: "Ah? Well, we were talking about our diets and exercise.."

Morinaga: "Yep, it was nice to talk something fresh for once."

Shigehira: "Benkei-san! On the way to Hiraizumi, can you share some of your workout routine and diets with me as well...!?"

Benkei: "If you want, sure."

Shigehira: "..Yayy!"

Sueharu: "I thought, finally we'll have a normal person coming with us, but I'm an idiot to even expect something like that."

Sueharu-san looked up at the sky is if he had given up.

.........

That night...

While looking after the orphans, Shigehira-kun and I hurriedly prepared for our departure.

At the same time, Sueharu-san was...

Morinaga: "Can I have a moment, Sueharu?"

Sueharu: "Pay me 100k for each moment."

Even though Morinaga called him, Sueharu doesn't stop walking.

Morinaga quickly catches upto him and grabbed his hand.

Sueharu: "What?"

-----Part 4-----

Sueharu: "What?"

Morinaga: "I will be leaving soon, so I wanted to talk to you before that."

Sueharu: "Only the women who love you will be happy to have your one-sided wishes imposed upon them."

Morinaga-san broad chest does not budge even when Sueharu tries to push him away.

Sueharu clicked his tongue in annoyance.

Morinaga: "Sueharu. I had no idea how you've been spending your time after you left me...."

Sueharu: "That's to be expected, because I didn't tell you anything."

Sueharu: "So? Is the Shogunate's very own fierce general taking pity on me now?"

Morinaga: "That's not true."

Morinaga firmly grabbed Sueharu's wrist.

Sueharu: "...Let go."

Sueharu's frown didn't scare Morinaga and he looked straight at him.

Morinaga: "I'm frustrated."

Morinaga: "I couldn't do anything to help you in your time of need."

Sueharu: "Enough."

Sueharu sharply expresses his rejection.

Sueharu: "Even back then, I had to jerk your hand away."

Sueharu: "Once I did that, I didn't need your help again."

Morinaga: "........."

Sueharu: "There are millions of people out there who needs your help, right? Morinaga."

Morinaga: "I.."

Sueharu: "I said enough."

Anger dwelled in Sueharu's one eye like a lightning.

Sueharu: "For you're entire life, you've been lucky and smart. But unfortunately for you, I was the first and only thing that went wrong."

Sueharu: "That's why you're so obsessed with me."

Morinaga: "....Sueharu."

Sueharu: "Remember this. You can be unknowingly arrogant because you are a privileged human being."

Sueharu walks by Morinaga, who remained silent.

Morinaga follows his back and speaks in a low voice-----

Morinaga: "----Still."

Morinaga: "For me, Sueharu will always be my best friend. I cannot lie to my heart."

Sueharu: ".....I don't see what good a title like that would do."

Without turning around, Sueharu walks away.

...............

(Finally! The medical examination of the children are done and I also prepared extra medicines just in case)

(Looks like we can leave without any problem)

Yoshino: "Ah, Sueharu-san!"

I saw someone walking in front of me, and I called out.

Sueharu: "....! Yoshino."

-----Part 5-----

Sueharu: "....! Yoshino."

(Huh? There's something wrong)

When he turned around to look at me, I can feel a gloominess in his face.

Yoshino: "What happened?"

Sueharu: "Hm? Nothing."

(Really...?)

I stared at Sueharu-san as he walks towards me.

Sueharu: "If you keep staring at me too much, I'll have a hole in my head."

Yoshino: "....I couldn't help it, because you are good at hiding things."

Sueharu: "...I won't deny that."

Still, I decided to take the plunge and ask once more.

Yoshino: "Sorry, if I was mistaken."

Yoshino: "But I feel like Sueharu-san has been spacing out a lot ever since the cockfighting incident."

Sueharu: "........."

Yoshino: "If talking can help you ease a little bit, how about----"

A hand reached out and touched my cheek...

Sueharu: "Heh. You wanna help me feel at ease, huh?"

Yoshino: "Isn't it...obvious."

There was a passionate flame smoldering in his eyes that was neither irritation or impatience.

I gulped when I saw that.

Yoshino: "S-Sueharu..."

Sueharu: "Yoshino."

(Ah)

He holds my body closely, and my heart jumped.

Sueharu: "Rather than a conversation, I like feeling the warmth of a person to soothe my heart."

Sueharu: "Will you help me now?"

Yoshino: "Nn...."

He whispered in a low voice and I could feel my ears turning red.

Yoshino: "Please stop teasing me."

At that time----

Sueharu: "Shh..."

Sueharu-san then places his index finger on my lips.

Yoshino: "....!?"

Then he pulled me into a nearby room.

Yoshino: "W-What's wrong?"

Sueharu: "Stay still."

Just as I was about to say something, I hear footsteps from other side of the hallway.

Shigehira: "Have you seen Yoshino-san!? I wonder where she went?"

Morinaga: "Hmm. I didn't see her going out, though."

(It's Shigehira-kun and Morinaga-san. they seem to be looking for me)

The moment I squirmed, I felt the two arms holding me a little tightly.

Sueharu: "Don't go."

(Sueharu-san?)

While letting out a painful sigh, he buried his head in my shoulder.

I was confused at his indulgent actions.

Yoshino: "Mm....."

Chapter 17

#ikemen series #ikemen genjiden #cybird ikemen #cybird otome #otome #cybird #ikemen mc #ikegen #main story translations #ikemen genjiden sueharu

[negrowhat]

Good Evening Lovely Eboni!

For the ships I offer -

Shu Yi/Shi De (We Best Love)

Or

Flying Dagger/Wild Dog (Chi Soo/Gi Tae - Long Time No See)

Hope life is treating you gently and you're having a beautiful night. 🌻💜

Oh I'm late af Ama! Sorry! I got really, really sidetracked with Pit Babe and Last Twilight but I'm HERE! HOPE YOU'RE DOING WELL FRIEND!

Shi De and Shu Yi from We Best Love. The way I was OBSSESED with Shu Yi and Shi De. Shi De was madly in love with Shu Yi and yet....sorta selfish with his feelings. I did find it HILARIOUS that Shi De decided to one-up Shu Yi their whole lives to remain relevant when he could've just tried being his friend. I did think it was the cutest shit that Shi De fake blackmailed Shu Yi to be his "Page boy" as he called it to take Shu Yi's mind off his broken heart. What annoyed me about Shi De is that he didn't trust in the strength of Shu Yi's feelings for him. And he let Shu Yi's dad talk him into fucking GHOSTING SHU YI FOR HALF A DECADE!

I adore Shu Yi because he's such an honest boy and he's so smart and so talented and so sweet and so fiery and so passionate. Love that he's not one to hide his feelings....even tho he thinks he is. He was so open and honest and I was on his side in s2. THEIR RECONCILIATION SCENE IN S2 IS PROBABLY ONE OF MY FAVES FROM BOTH SERIE. WBL is one of those series I wrote meta for because I was just that into it. Anyways. Shu Yi and Shi De are my loves. I loved Shi De more in s1 and Shu Yi more in s2.

Chi Soo and Gi Tae from Long Time No See. UNDERRATED SHIP! Chi Soo was just a bullied orphan who kind of fell into the assassin life. He just wanted to be happy and found a nice creative outlet through online writing, I'm sure he never thought he would meet the love of his life that way. ALSO SPEAKING OF! THEIR FIRST MEETING???? CHI SOO IMMEDIATELY FELL IN LOVE! He was just a soft man who also happened to be a trained killer. I love Gi Tae. Got to be the WORST infiltrator ever because HOW YOU FALL IN LOVE WITH YOUR TARGET!??? They were just so soft and sweet together and you could tell when the guilt started to get to Gi Tae. Their love scenes were so beautiful and I loved the lil dates they went on. I love how Gi Tae's sister immediately accepted Chi Soo. They built a lil family together.

Can I just say that their fight was one of my fave scenes? Chi Soo was giving it all he had and I love that we could see Gi Tae holding back because he didn't want to fight Chi Soo let alone hurt him. It broke my heart when Chi Soo realized and I'm glad Gi Tae followed him to try to talk it out. He didn't want the night to close without giving that man the full story and I loved it. Glad they made up. AND THE RESCUE SCENE WAS ALSO A PERSONAL FAVE. Chi Soo really did his big one to save his boyfriend. AND THE FAMILY PIC AT THE END??? I was obsessed with them too and rewatched Long Time No See everyday for like 2 months straight...highkey think I'm gonna rewatch.

#sorry this turned into rambling #shi de x shu yi #we best love #long time no see #chisoo x gitae

[beardyboyzx]

2023 writing self evaluation

I was tagged by @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed, thank you!! <3

1. List of works published this year:

May in my head we can love forever | Explicit | 1.2K, Girl Direction, Harry/Louis -- written for @wankersday

waving to the hard times | NR | 80k, A/B/O, Dystopian AU, Harry/Louis, Liam/Zayn -- written for @onedirectionbigbang [first part of a two piece series]

August I ain't ever fell from a love this tall | G | 733, Liam/Zayn -- written for @wordplayfics

September It's a rush inside I can't control | G | 764, Werewolf AU, Louis-centric -- written for @wordplayfics

you are the magic in me | NR | 2.8k, Magic AU, loosely inspired by BBC Merlin, Liam/Zayn -- written for @wordplayfics

so pretend (pretend) | NR | 1.9k, loosely inspired by White Collar and Catch me if you can, Harry/Louis -- written for @wordplayfics

November to wake up by your side is all I wanna do | G | 1k, AU, Niall/Zayn -- written for @theshowficfest

In 2023: I've published 7 works and a total of 89,283 words!

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

My Big Bang! I love that story so much, I'm still a bit sad I had to break it in half, but I'm still so proud of how it turned out (@aestheticlarrie's poster is such a masterpiece, I can't help but love that story more because of it <3) I didn't think I could pull it off -- the world building, the characterization...it all looked so intimidating while I was plotting it. But I did it. And I'm happy about it.

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

Weirdly enough, there is nothing I'm the least proud of. Not even the ones I've written in a rush because of my poor time-managing skills lol

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

This bit from waving to the hard times keeps coming into my mind, every now and then:

Louis closes his eyes, taking in a few shaky breaths. He doesn’t want to cry. People will pity him if he will and he hates it. Hates being known as the orphan child, the one who was crying in his mother’s arms as they stood at his uncle’s side twenty-five years ago. He hates being remembered for it, being depicted by the newspapers as a symbol of overcoming grief. Because he’s found out that you can never overcome grief. You just live with it being a big part of yourself, letting it shape you while trying not to let the bad days get to you. Louis also hates not being able to be honest about it just because he doesn’t want to be coddled.

5. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

I can't share them, because they contain spoilers, but there are some comments on my big bang that really made me trust my (creative) writing skills a bit more! <3

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

Right after I finished the first part of my Big Bang. It was pretty hard for me to write, so much so that I had to drop out from a few fests because of it

7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

Oh, I think Niall from (once again) waving to the hard times surprised me a lot. I didn't know he would turn out to be like that! But I loved him so much.

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

I don't really know. I re-learnt to let my mind wander and my fingers write without overthinking. Which is something I usually do when I write in Italian and that I used to do when I first started writing in English.

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

I just hope to keep writing what I like and for it to keep being something I love.

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

Hello, @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed <3 She's been there for me for every writer's block, metaphorically taking my hand whenever I had to drop out of something, reminding me that taking a break was more than fine. Love you, Mia <3

@chai-hat-tea has been on my side for all the year by hearing my frustration and always cheering me up. Love you!

And @nooradeservedbetter, without whom I'd have been too afraid of publishing my dystopian au.

Last but not least, @bigxrig, @muldxr and @helznik who were my alpha/beta readers for my first two works of the year. Thank you so much, really <3

11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

Louis' grief and some bits of my political thoughts.

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

Write what you like and don't forget to have fun while doing it!

14. Tag three writers whose answers you’d like to read. ;)

I'm gonna tag @chai-hat-tea, @nooradeservedbetter and @hellolovers13!

#tag game #2023 writing self reflection

[fangsandfeels]

Jerra *to Astarion*: I'm not kind.

Also Jerra, when dealing with any of the bazillion traumatised kids throughout the game:

Astarion: *silently commits to collecting every dictionary they come across, ripping out the page with the definition of "kind" and compiling these pages into a huge book, so he could throw it at Jerra's head*

But the funny thing is: Jerra is serious. She doesn't consider herself a kind person. Kind people, she thinks, have life on their minds. They live. They think of giving to life and sharing. They wake up and go to sleep with the thoughts of what they will see the next day and what the next day will grant them.

Jerra thinks of death.

It's always in the back of her head, always there: a grim reminder of how the world actually works.

Kind people endear her and make her feel uneasy because she knows the fragility of their mirth: how quickly it all can be shattered, how one rotten person or one act of cruelty can wipe the smiles from their faces or suck out the joy of expecting tomorrow. She doesn't want that to happen to them; she doesn't resent them, but she knows that even though she is the one who would kill the said rotten person and put an end to their cruelty, she won't restore what's been broken. She will always be an extension of the tragedy that happened. And to be the one delivering vengeance means being merciless. An honorable opponent? A dignified end? The "if you kill me, you'll be no better than me" speech? Oh, she could care less of this drivel. She isn't here to be better than someone. She is here to give tyrants and tormentors back what they have generously given to others, not to give them a fancy duel or a lecture. If she is here, it means, it's too late for a lecture. She is here to be everything they were afraid of. I imagine, that she had walked out of the houses carrying someone's head even before Nere.

So, in truth, Jerra is a lot more cynical everyone gives her credit for, and she always anticipates the worst - she isn't just loud about it. Also, she is like this because it's part of her calling, not because she is happy to rain on everyone's parade, which is why she won't drag others into her place: she'd kick them out somewhere nicer because why, in the Hells, would they want to be here? Shoo.

And, she doesn't see a point in being harsh to a kid. Especially a lost and scared orphan whose mere existence is uncomfortably familiar. She won't coddle them or lie to them: she knows that children are smart and won't take kindly to sugarcoated half-truths, but they are also vulnerable and helpless, and it's not their fault. So, she is always honest with them but doesn't deny them the comfort they need - because why would she?

#bg3 #bg3 oc ramblings #bg3 oc: jerra #self-indulgent post

[ell-vellan]

WIP Wednesday

My first little BG3 drabble as I get used to everyone's voice! Not sure if I'll go anywhere with this, but it's fun to play around.

Summary: Folk hero Tav (Safiel) frustrates Astarion to no end. One evening, she asks him why.

Tagging if anyone has anything to share! @thebookworm0001 @shretl (happy birthday! 🎈) @thegoblinwitchqueen I consistently forget which of my mutuals is a writer/artist so if you want to share something, please do and tag me in it so I can see/remember!

---

"Astarion, why does it bother you that I help people?"

Astarion startled out of his book. The silly little half-elf was looking over at him with those unsettling, mismatched eyes of hers. He tittered. "Oh, my dear, I'm quite certain you don't want my honest opinion."

But she was undeterred. "By all means, go ahead. I wouldn't have asked if I didn't."

Astarion sighed shortly and snapped his book shut. For all her ditzy naiveté and sickeningly sweet do-goodedness, the girl had let him tag along with her and the snooty cleric and the fearsome githyanki, increasing his odds of survival at least a tad. She'd been a useful tool so far, hadn't blinked when he fessed up to being a vampire after she'd caught him (almost) red-handed, and had even offered her neck willingly with that wide-eyed conviction of the young and foolhardy who haven't yet learned how the world works.

He studied her for a moment. She never seemed put off by his fits of temper, even when he was trying to annoy her. Either she was just that dense, or she had incredibly poor survival instincts, which seemed an unlucky trait for a druid.

If he hadn't needed a source of fresh blood and someone to watch his back out here in the sunlight, he wouldn't have thought twice about slitting her throat. Even after he quite nearly gutted her, she had acted as though he'd behaved with perfectly reasonable self-preservation, and forgiven him immediately. 

But she was going to earn herself – and worse, him – a knife in the back if she didn't learn. And quickly.

Fool child. It rubbed him the wrong way.

And yet...

"My dear, simply that there are a million reasons why we should not waste what very little tentacle-free time we may have left on the plights of strangers, and I cannot think of a single reason why we should."

"We seem fairly tentacle-free so far. And if I happen upon someone who could use my help, why wouldn't I at least try?"

He gaped at her, flabbergasted. "Why wouldn't you – perhaps it has crossed your mind that we are risking our lives for random passers-by who could not be arsed to give a single shit about us in return? Fine, fine, do a few jobs if you need coin, if you must. But for free?"

She just looked at him placidly, a little smile on her face that annoyed him. "I had a wildcat once. A kitten, really – I found him, orphaned and half dead. He bit me when I tried to heal him, and bit me every time I fed him. But I didn't mind. I knew that to him, I was very big, and he was very small and scared, and he was only doing what he felt he needed to do to survive. I chose to help him even knowing I would be bitten, and scratched, and that perhaps he would never come to see me as a friend no matter how much kindness I showed him. But I couldn't walk away from something in pain knowing I could do something to ease it."

Astarion glared at her, but she either didn't notice or didn't care. "Is there a point to this frustratingly saccharine monologue, or can I return to my book?"

"You remind me of him," she quipped, a teasing glint in her eye when he, predictably, glowered at the comparison. 

"I am the disheveled bitey kitten you scooped up and fed scraps to? My dear, your analogy has a few holes."

Safiel laughed and tossed another branch into the fire. "I know. I didn't say it was perfect, only that you reminded me of him."

"Darling, I am no one's pet."

"He was never my pet. He was a wild creature. When he was well enough, he fled back to the woods where he belonged. I never planned nor attempted to tame him."

He eyed her suspiciously. "You see, this is precisely my point. Did you never think that perhaps one day, the fully grown wildcat you so lovingly wasted your energy on would pounce out of a tree and make you its dinner?"

"Of course I considered that. But should that day come, it would only be acting according to its nature. And if I couldn't defend myself, it would be fully within its rights to eat me."

Astarion glared. "You may not mind taking foolish risks with your life. In fact, I would encourage it! If my own fate was not so terribly twisted up with yours."

Safiel shrugged. "You're free to continue on your own way whenever you like, Astarion. I don't mind that you disagree with me. And I understand your reasoning better now – thank you for answering my question. I'll do better to consider that lives other than my own are also at stake here, and take your point of view into account in the future."

Well, Astarion did not know quite what to do with that. He couldn't remember the last time someone had thanked him for his opinion, or promised to take it under advisement. Not honestly, at least. 

"I don't want to take actions that others are uncomfortable with. Everyone has their opinions on the best course of action. But we all have the same very dire problem, so I hope we can find a way to work together. And to help each other."

Gods, she was so ready to believe they could all be a happy little family. And he truly believed her to be perfectly truthful about all of this.

What fairytale grove had she come from where life was all sunshine and rainbows? 

Astarion threw up his hands, book clutched in one of them, and made a frustrated sound. "Well, yes, I would agree to that. Our odds are certainly better together. If we don't spend our remaining hours saving kittens and starving little orphans."

Safiel had the gall to laugh. She inspected a branch in her hand, stripping off the leaves idly. "A reasonable request. But let me ask you – isn't it just as likely that one day, we may come to need help, and someone else may come along to offer it without expectation of reward? That the good we do now for others may find its way back to us?"

Astarion sputtered, speechless with outrage. "No!"

Safiel grinned at him. "Then you have not spent much time around druids, I imagine."

She actually winked at him. Then stood, brushed off her knees, and sashayed away to chat with Shadowheart, still smiling. 

"Ridiculous," Astarion muttered, rolling his eyes as he opened his book again. His eyes tracked her retreating form, wondering if people this empty-headed actually survived into adulthood, or if it was some sort of long con she was playing. If the latter, he had never seen such a good actor. "Absolutely absurd. Going to get us all killed, that naive child."

But still…he snuck one last glance up at her from beneath his lashes, scowling, wondering. 

#my writing #bg3 #wip wednesday #not really tav/astarion more like tav & astarion? #they hook up later lol but then just decide to be friends #anyway this is inspired by the many 'astarion disapproves' i got in my first heroic playthrough 😂

[hannahhook7744]

Who's Gunner Harp?

Gunner Harp Application;

Name: Gunner Constantine Harp.

Known Aliases: Angel Boy, The Younger Cupid, The Harp's son, Cupid's boy, the winged Medic, the child minder, the quiet boy, the orphan boy, Gunner Valetine, and The Back up, Back Medic.

I don't know whether that's cute or depressing.

Stop it Aaron, you're making me blush.

I can't help it. It's a fun sight to see.

Nicknames or Other: Gunny, Guns, Gun, 'ner, G.C, Mr. Harp, G.H, G, Mr. Cupid, Mr. Lover boy, winger, Cupid Jr., Harp Jr., mi amore, and wings.

Wait. Most of these I came up with.

Yep.

I- wow. That's news to me.

--- and to absolutely no one else.

Date of Birth or Best Guess: 12 years ago on Valetine's day.

Ironic.

I know.

Place of Birth: Isle of the lost.

I don't know man, I think it's quite possible that you fell from heaven or something considering just how sickening sweet and good natured you are.

That sounds like a bad pick line.

You would know.

Favorite Color:  White, pink, and red. Red like Aaron's eyes.

Wait what?

Don't make it werid. It was just an example.

Bullshit.

See, Howiee agrees with me!

Well you're both wrong.

Favorite Activity: Playing the harp, archery, flying, and bird watching.

If either of you make a single joke about my mother, I will make you regret it.

How? By making me fall in love?

Annnnnnd that's my cue to go.

Favorite School Subject: Artists and thieves, only the Artist part though.

Even though you are terrible at art.

Hey they said FAVORITE not BEST!

True, I guess.

Father's Name (or alias): Cupid/Eros.

Wait does that mean you're part God?

Well, more like a quarter maybe? I don't know.

Also why are you not half Harp?

Dude, you can't just ask someone why they aren't half harp!

What he said.

I thought he was gonna leave?

Well, I changed my mind.

And sides. Apparently.

I did not!

Guys. We don't have time for this.

Mother's Name (or alias): Golden "Goldy" Harp.

She was nice. I miss her.

We know ya do, buddy.

She'd be proud of you.

I don't even know why she was on the isle. She and my sister didn't belong here.

We know.

Father's Profession: Making people fall in love.

I wonder if you picked up that talent.

Please stop.

Why?

You know why.

I'm confused. What's going on?

Don't worry about it.

Mother's Profession: She was a harp.

Is it okay if I ask how that works?

No.

I doubt he wants to think that way about his parents, dude. And frankly I don't want to either.

Don't make it werid.

How am I the one who made it werid?!

You two are unbelievable.

You love us and you know it.

Hey don't bring me into this.

Who is your favorite of the first wave of VKs? There is no wrong answer. 

Hannah, my captain. My loyal friend. My family.

Wow, you're laying it on a little thick there, aren't ya Gunner?

What? Can't I miss our friend and be honest about it?

Ignore him, Gun. He's just teasing ya.

In your own words, tell us why you want to come to Auradon. There is no wrong answer.

I want to go to Auardon so I can see my friend again and my father again. I want to be able to love freely. I want to be happy and safe, and free. I wanna fly without worry of being shot down or kidnapped or flying into something. A bird isn't meant to be in a cage for this long. And I'm particularly a bird. I don't belong here. None of us kids do. Ask Hannah, she'd tell you that.

Oh she'd tell them ALOT more than that.

And in a lot STRONGER words.

Words that would get her sent to the corner very quickly.

She must hate it there.

Agreed.

I can't imagine not being allowed to swear.

That's because you're you.

Signature: 

Gunner Harp.

#descendants #disney character #disney descendants #disney descendants oc #disney descendants alternate universe #disney descendants au #disney descendants aus #disney descendants aesthetic #melissa de la cruz #descendants alternate universe #descendants aus #descendants au #disney descendants ocs #descendants ocs #descendants oc #my original characters #descendants original character #my descendants story #hannah hook verse #gunner harp #descendants applications #disney descendants application #descendants application #wicked world #disney #etc. #the golden harp from jack and the beanstalk #cupid #golden harp x cupid #why am i like this

[cactuarjen]

Meet Haeni Goodfinger, a cute, but sassy halfling artificer and anthropologist who has sadly already been retired as a character (part of that, 'wow, you actually can have too much D&D' revelation). Haeni had a passion for discovery and what she thought was a fairly high tolerance for danger. After a stint in the swamps living with lizardfolk and learning their ways, she ended in Waterdeep, in some very unlikely company: A frisky tiefling star druid who willfully didn't understand personal bubbles; a blood-sucking drow cleric who actually wasn't as evil as she sounds; a jerkface, patronizing shadar-kai noble who had no business being as pretty as he was; a guard in the city watch who shockingly didn't hide the fact that he was a changeling; and a bookish tabaxi who was lethally honest. They acquired a bar, three orphans (one of whom was killed in an attack on the bar, and subsequently revived, but damn), a talking donkey, questionable allies, and even more questionable enemies. And an also questionable, hot half-orc, uh, roommate.

In the end, after they very nearly all died in a deep dive into dangerous caverns and the cleric had already had her brain devoured once (some slick GM handwaving on that one), Haeni (and I) finally had to bow out of their adventures: "I don't think I can keep going like this. I'm small, and I'm weak. I just watched you all nearly get killed, and if I stay with you? I'm going to end up dead. I like you guys—well, some of you more than others—but I'm not willing to die for you. And I didn't mind doing things to help out here in Waterdeep, but I'm not willing to die for Waterdeep either! And the kids? They're not safe here either—we already had to bring one of them back from the dead! So... I guess what I'm saying is, I need to leave. I want to go somewhere quiet and-and safe, and I think I should take the kids with me."

The party agreed, Haeni left a few magic items she'd acquired or made, and loaded up her stuff and the kids in the party's wagon, hitched up the talking donkey who was just as eager to get the hell out of Waterdeep, and—not least of all—asked Yagra (yes, that Yagra), who wasn't the most popular girl in town at the time, if she'd come with, y'know, to protect them from bandits on the road. Totally just that. They ended up getting a place in Red Larch, where nothing bad ever happens. TL:DR: Waterdeep can kick rocks. C'mon Yagra, I got us a uHaul.

#d&d character #waterdeep dragon heist #dnd halfling #jen's art

[cxnscience]

“Well I think I’m a bit of a conscious myself. My line of work also involves a lot of telling people not to do things. Like just the other day I was on the phone with Castleblanca. I said no Mayor you can’t have two more terabytes worth of memory, if we gave you two terabytes we’d have to give all the other admins that amount and it’d crash all the servers and we’d have to rehouse all the orphaned Poddles and we wouldn’t want that now would we?” He sighed. “It’s a thankless job. You know sometimes at the end of the day, I feel like the bad guy?” (YH)

"...Uh... uh-huh..."

He's not trying to seem disinterested. Honest, he's not. But any sort of talk of technology tends to make his eyes glaze over. It's all a bit over his head to the point that he has no clue what half of those words even mean.

Admins and servers and terabytes. Oh my.

"Well, I'm not sure it's... entirely comparable," nobody calls on Jiminy for advice, per say, he just offers it unsolicited, and perhaps it's his sense of self-importance speaking but he considers moral guidance to be in an entirely different realm than solving technical difficulties.

Then again, perhaps he ought to know better than to diminish that which he doesn't understand. He tries again.

"Oh, but I hear ya, fella, seems like folks these days just hate to listen to sage advice. Why, half the time they've already got their minds made up, anyhow! Makes ya wonder why you're even botherin' to try!"

#opportunistic chicanery #✰ give a little whistle ( answers ) #jiminy who never evolved past typewriters: hmm... yes... i understand completely...

[youbloodymadgenius]

Ivarello (Modern!Ivar x reader) Chapter 4

Moodboard by @quantumlocked310

Ivarello’s masterpost here

A/N: This is my entry for @deans-ch-ch-cherrypie 500 Followers Fairy Tale Challenge. It's a retelling of Cinderella. Congrats again, darling 💖

A huge thank you to @mrsalwayswrite , who's a great beta reader and an even greater cheerleader 😂

A massive thank you to @quantumlocked310 , @vikingstrash and @serasvictoria . Thank you for agreeing to collaborate and for sharing your talent with me. Your moodboards are beyond amazing 🤩

In this story, Sigurd is alive. Ragnar and Aslaug are dead, but Lagertha didn't kill her. I took a lot of liberties with the show, I hope you won't mind.

Unlike the tale, there will be no magic involved. Not everything will be realistic, however. It's a fayritale, after all!

Let me know if you want to be tagged 😊

Summary: Orphaned five years ago, Ivar and his brothers have been living with Lagertha ever since. Now 16 years old, he wants to attend Harald's traditional Midsummer party, but obstacles stand in his way.

Warnings: description of car crash; orphaned kids; Sigurd being Sigurd; OOC characters.

Words: 2877

Additional note: This is the final chapter. There'll be an epilogue, but you'll have to wait a bit because there are a lot of challenges I've signed up for and I'm way behind schedule.

Enjoy 🙂

🛡⚔️🛡

Devastated and angry at the world. That's how Ivar is feeling.

Holed up in his room since the night before, and despite Lagertha incessant requests, he doesn’t plan to come out, not now at least. Come to think of it, he might as well decide never to leave his room again.

He can't stand the idea of facing his brothers. He doesn't want to have to tell them about his failure. He doesn't want to endure Ubbe's pity and condescendence. He doesn't want to see the look of triumph on Sigurd's face. The thought makes his stomach lurch while at the same time a murderous urge creeps into his mind. No, he definitely can't see his brothers.

Surprisingly, and unlike Lagertha, his brothers have left him alone, as if sensing that entering his room would be as moving into a minefield. Only Hvitserk had taken a chance earlier, cautiously poking his head through the door. His disapproving look obvious when his eyes had taken in the scene before him, Ivar's belongings scattered on the floor, some of them smashed into pieces.

"I got you a chocolate muffin from the kitchen, baby bro," he had explained, putting it on a nearby shelf, and it had almost brought a smile to Ivar's face. To Hvitserk, there's no predicament that can't be improved with comfort food.

"Look, Ivar," scratching his neck, Hvitserk had then said, "I don't know what happened and I don't want to pressure you. You tell me when you're ready, if you are. But I'm here, okay? Whatever the time of day or night, you don't have to be alone if you don't want to. If I'm upstairs, just call me, okay?" With these words, he was gone, the door closed.

Ivar can't get the events of the previous evening out of his mind. Like a waking nightmare, they are playing over and over in his head: how he had freaked out when he heard the beeps; the confused and then so disappointed look you had given him when he sputtered his need to leave; finally, his shameful escape into the night.

What could he have done? What should he have done?

He does know the answer. He should have been more cautious. He should have checked the time, asked for your number and just walked away.

On the other hand, what difference would it have made? He would still have no future with you, right? He would still be a cripple, and you would still be... you... perfect... too good for him.

So yeah, he had run away like a coward. He lets out a bitter chuckle to himself. Run away? Who is he kidding? He hadn't run away, that would have been too easy. Cripples don't run away. Without his cane – why the fuck did he leave it behind?? – he had pathetically limped away, stumbling, his feet sinking into the sand. He had still been on the beach when the battery had died. He had had no other choice but to crawl like a worm the rest of the way, silently praying to the gods that the darkness of the night would prevent you from seeing him like this.

Tears of despair run down his cheeks for the umpteenth time. He's used to feeling humiliated, but feeling humiliated and heartbroken simultaneously is really too much to take. He feels like he's dying from the inside over and over again, cursing himself for wanting to attend the party, for wanting to see you again. He should never have let his walls down, he should never have dared to hope. What was he thinking? He may have walked, and even danced with you, but at the end of the day, he still is a pitiable cripple with stupid, crooked legs, in love with a girl way out of his league.

If he's being honest, that's what hurts the most. He now realizes how delusional he had been. Holding on to a dead dream for years, he had not forseen the painful yet unavoidable reality check. And now, it's like he's been hit by a train. Because there's no denying it, dreaming of a life with you is no longer an option, not after last night. And even though it's almost unbearable, he knows now he has to let go of you, of the idea of you and him being together. As much as this mere thought is devastating, he has no other choice. He has to stop fooling himself, for his own sanity, if nothing else.

Giving a guttural cry, much like that of a wounded animal, Ivar doesn't hear when the front doorbell rings. Not that he would have reacted even if he had heard it, too busy wallowing in self-pity.

***

"Thank you for having us here on such short notice, my dear." Your uncle states joyfully, his eyes sparkling, as Lagertha greets him with a handshake and a tight-lipped smile. Even though you don't know why, it's obvious that she's not his biggest fan.

Your uncle, who doesn't seem to notice – or doesn't care, you're not sure – keeps giving her a beaming smile. "My niece here," he turns his head toward you for a short moment, "has a weird request. She met a boy yesterday, during the party. He lost something and my sweet Y/N has been adamant since this morning that she wants to find him and personally return it to him. We were wondering," he turns his gaze in the direction of the couch, "if it could be one of your wards."

There are indeed three young men, half sprawled on the couch, who get up as one when Lagertha gives them a stern look. If you vaguely remember having seen them before, a single glance is enough for you to know that the one you're looking for is not among them.

You're on the verge of saying so but your uncle doesn't give you a chance to. "See boys," he unceremoniously grabs the cane you're holding behind your back, "here is the lost item. A cane! Fairly uncommon, if you ask me. Anyway... Does this... thing belong to any of you?"

Since you know it doesn't, you're surprised when two of the guys both take a step forward. "Actually, it's mine," they say in unison, each of them only then becoming aware that the other is speaking.

Dumbstruck, you look at one then the other successively. They've got a lot of nerve! You know they're lying, and you would have known it even if these two idiots hadn't spoken at the same time. They just look nothing like your handsome stranger – if he's a stranger.

"Sigurd, you know it's mine!"

"Don't play dumb, you never use a cane, Ubbe! Whereas me, I do sometimes. Everyone knows artists tend to be eccentric, right?"

The blondest one – Sigurd if you heard right – points his finger at a guitar leaning against the wall and then winks at you, "I'm a musician, you know?" You don't even have time to roll your eyes as the other one – Ubbe? – yells, his nostrils flaring.

"Shut up Sig, you're so full of shit! You know I've got a sprained ankle!"

"A sprained ankle, no kidding? Who did a ten-kilometer run today, huh? It's not me! So, you are the one going to shut up, you fucking douchebag!"

It's almost funny to watch them arguing back and forth. If you weren't so pissed off, you'd laugh. But right now, you're mostly mad at them. Their blatant lies make your blood boil with anger.

Are they really thinking you're a complete idiot? That you can be fooled so easily? Who do they think they are? Who do they think you are? Some stupid chick ready to fall for their good looks? If they think that, they're kidding themselves.

"You're the fucking douchebag, Sig!! Don’t forget I'm the oldest!"

"And what's the difference, huh? You can't have all the girls, Ubbe! Keep fucking Margrethe and just let me be! Stop being a controlling asshole!"

"STOP!!!! BOTH OF YOU!!!"

Lagertha's shout is deafening and if looks could kill, these two morons would be lying dead on the floor right here, right now.

"Y/N, my dear," Lagertha gives you an apologetic smile, "I'm so sorry for that. I swear they usually know how to behave, better than that at least. Guess they don't know how to handle your striking beauty. Now sweetheart, tell me, is one of these two knuckleheads the one you were with last night?"

The silence that falls on the room after her question is so complete that you could hear a pin drop. Acutely aware that all eyes are on you, you shyly lower your gaze, shaking your head slightly, as you clasp your hands over your belly. You eventually speak, your eyes meeting Lagertha's, and you can see she knows what you're going to say. "No, the guy I was with last night is not one of them."

"How can you be so sure?" Sigurd's voice is soft and tentative now, and Ubbe adds, seemingly for once in agreement with his younger brother, "yeah, how can you? It was pretty dark after all."

You give them a smile. "How can I be so sure? You mean beside the fact that you obviously don't need a cane? Neither of you?" The third brother, who still hasn't opened his mouth, chuckles, giving you a thumbs up. "Look, I appreciate your interest, I really do, but neither of you are the one I am looking for. Therefore," you look at your uncle, "we should leave, don't you think?" Checking the time on your watch, you shrug. "What about the Eyvindsson family? Didn't you tell me about three brothers? We may have time to go and see them tonight if we hurry."

Your uncle nods, handing you back the cane. "You're right, Y/N, we should leave." Taking two steps forward, he grabs Lagertha's hand. "Sorry dear, we will waste no more of your time."

You're about to thank her when one of the boys clears his throat. "Ahem..."

Turning your head, you're surprised to see the third brother, the silent one, raising his hand. "I think I might know who this cane belongs to." Frowning, he glances at his brothers. "And you both know it too."

"Shut up, Hvitserk!" Sigurd spits, clenching his hands into fists. "Don't bring the fucking cripple into the conversation."

"Sigurd! Keep your mouth shut!" Lagertha glares at him for several long seconds then her face softens as she looks at Hvitserk, placing a hand on his shoulder. "What are you trying to say, Hvitserk? Do you think this cane belongs to your baby brother?"

Hvitserk nods. "I know it does, actually."

"Come on, Hvit, you're talking nonsense. It cannot be, it just cannot. That guy was standing. It wasn't our brother. Our brother wasn't there last night." Ubbe stubbornly insists, but Hvitserk just shakes his head.

"Of course, he was. I saw him. And don't bullshit me, Ubbe, you saw him too. With Y/N." Hvitserk states. That's when you realize that your palms are sweating and your pulse is racing.

Hvitserk keeps going, now speaking to his guardian. "I know what I saw, Lagertha. It was him. I don't know how, but he was standing, Ubbe is right. He was even walking. It may sound weird but I swear, it was him."

Lagertha nods. "I believe you, Hvitserk." A beaming smile spreads across her lips and she tilts her head. "I wouldn't be surprised if Floki had something to do with such a miracle. Go get your brother, Hvitserk, please."

Your heart leaps at these words, you're barely able to contain your excitement and as you let out a nervous chuckle, you cannot help but jump for joy. Needless to say, Ubbe and Sigurd seem much less enthusiastic than you.

***

Reluctantly following his brother, Ivar mutters under his breath, "you're pissing me off, Hvit. I'm fucking not in the mood for whatever you have in mind."

Hvitserk pays him no mind though, a small smile dancing on his lips. "Trust me, baby bro, you'll be in the mood."

Ivar wants to protest, or maybe just turn around and wheel back to his room but all at once the sound of your voice reaches his ears and he stops, frozen in place, his eyes wide open. He may have stopped breathing.

Patting his shoulder reassuringly, Hvitserk whispers, "It's Y/N, baby bro, but I have a feeling you already know. She's here for you, she was looking for you, Ivar. Go..." before giving a single push to his brother's wheelchair, his right hand on the backrest.

Ivar honestly doesn't know how he manages to wheel himself into the living room. What he does know, however, is that you're suddenly standing right in front of him. The heart stopping smile you flash him blows all the air out of his lungs, his heart pounding wildly in his chest, and the outside world – Lagertha, his brothers, Harald – ceases to exist.

A little voice tells him he should be feeling self-conscious with his hair all messy and wearing worn sweatpants, but he can't bring himself to care, not when you kneel in front of him with stars in your eyes.

"Here you are, finally," you breathe, gently placing a hand on his knee. Ivar didn't know until now that one could die of happiness, but that's exactly what he's feeling and he wouldn't trade it for anything.

Swallowing, he blinks several times. When he speaks, his voice trembles, his bottom lip quivering. "Hello Y/N, you were... looking for... for me?" He has trouble getting the words out, his nervous fingers fidgeting on his lap.

Grabbing both his hands in yours, you nod, your thumbs stroking his knuckles tenderly. "I was, yes, and for a very long time."

Shyly lowering his head, Ivar, almost feeling dizzy, can't wrap his head around your words. They're just too good to be true. "But... why?"

"Why?" You giggle, your laughing eyes lighting up your face, and he's positive, you're even more beautiful like this. "Isn't it obvious? I want to know more about you, what's your favorite color, what you eat for breakfast, where you see yourself in ten years. I just want to spend time with you, Ivar."

'Ivar' You've just said his name and it's like the sweetest music to his ears. He can't believe it. Wow. "You... You recognized me?" There's so much hope and joy in his voice, he cringes.

You shrug, your smile never leaving your lips. "I wasn't sure at first. You've changed a lot." Your hand cups his cheek. The sensation on his skin is so overwhelming he has to hold back the tears threatening to gush. Yet, he can't help but think you're speaking about his legs.

He grits his teeth. "Yeah... Standing tall can change a man."

"No! no, no, no," you retort without missing a beat, "That's not what I meant. In my memory you still looked like you did when we were ten, but look at you now, all grown up! Your hair was so short back then." Reaching out, you brush a strand of hair back and tuck it behind his ear before letting your fingers run slowly down and up his bulging biceps, your hand finally lingering on his forearm, "Plus, you clearly work out a lot. So, yeah, I thought it was you, but I wasn't sure. When we were dancing last night, I thought I'd ask you right after, but then you left and... well... I didn't have a chance..."

Ivar wraps his fingers around yours, a frown creasing his forehead. "About that, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have left like–"

You shush him, holding a finger to his lips. "It doesn't matter, Ivar. You don't have to explain. All that matters is that I found you." Standing up, you lean forward and gently kiss his cheek and he feels like he's floating. Intertwining his fingers with yours, you whisper in his ear, "I reckon we got some lost time to make up, you and me. Can we go stargazing now?"

Hearing this makes Ivar's insides turn to jelly. Barely able to think, he is on cloud nine and wishes with all his heart never to come back down to earth again. But despite the daze, despite the fog in his head, despite the blinding happiness, he knows one thing: no matter how many stars he sees, you'll be the brightest one.

"Yes, Y/N, you're right," bringing your hand to his mouth, he gives it a kiss, "let's go stargazing."

And as he leaves the room, you walking alongside him with your hand on his shoulder, his heart filled with joy and wonder, he doesn't miss the thumbs up Hvitserk gives him, nor the scowl on Ubbe's and Sigurd's faces.

For a fleeting second, he thinks he should – he could – taunt them. They deserve to be laughed at, don't they? But then, he realizes he doesn't have time for that. The time for happiness has come, and it's far more important.

Giving you a beaming smile, Ivar inhales deeply before releasing a sigh of satisfaction. Yeah. Happiness. Happiness sounds good.

���⚔️🛡

Ivar’s taglist: @waiting4inspiration @honestsycrets @lisinfleur @saldelys @gearhead66 @inforapound @readsalot73 @milkkygirls @xbellaxcarolinax @shannygoatgruff @zuxiezendler @hecohansen31 @lonewolf471 @fuckindiva @tgrrose @didiintheblog @peachyboneless @pieces-by-me @funmadnessandbadassvikings @ethereallysimple @destynelseclipsa @cocovikings23 @xceafh @mrsalwayswrite @deans-ch-ch-cherrypie @pomegranates-and-blood @jadelynlace @grimeundglow @quantumlocked310 @alexhandersen-marcoilsoe-fandom @adrille88

Ivarello's taglist: @not-another-viking-fanfic-blog @hashimily @prepare4trouble @supernaturalvikingwhore @funmadnessandbadassvikings @heavenly1927 @dini73

#ivar #modern ivar #modern!ivar #modern-ivar #modern ivar x reader #modern!ivar x reader #ivar x reader #ivar the boneless #ivar ragnarsson #ivar imagine #ivar fic #ivar fanfic #ivar fanfiction #ivar vikings #vikings ivar #cherrypie’s500 #fairytale retelling #ivarello

[rw47vr-key]

So this is my first fanfic.English isn't my first language.Thank you so much for your support guys😭♥️💕🌺. I'm so lucky to meet you all😣❤️

BROKEN PROMISE,BROKEN HEARTS(Part 1/2)

Angst,hate,Slight mention of blood

(Jake,FemMC, Jake's mom)

(I don't own the pics)

It was a beautiful evening.People who were forgotten or left alone, though had no one for them, enjoyed there life and lived with hope.Children laughing and playing,others enjoyed chatting while having tea/coffee.It was pleasant in a home, for orphans and elders.But there was one little boy of seven,who had the worst evening and feared that this day wouldn't come.

"No!! Please don't leave me alone here!!",he grabbed his mom's hand and pleaded.

She sighed."Please listen to me.Behave well here and Mommy will come back for you soon,Ok?"

"Promise me"he told looking with sadness and sniffing ,with a trust that she would come back.

She closed her eyes fearing to look into his dear eyes."I promise, Jake"

_______

"Don't worry, I won't go to Duskwood"

"Promise me,MC."

"I promise,Jake"

This conversation with MC brought back the dreadful day about how his mom promised him but never returned to take him back.That left a deep unhealed scar in his heart. He waited, waited but everything was in vain.That lead him to search for her whereabouts by hacking while he was in high school. Fortunately or unfortunately he only came to know about his father and his half sisters Hannah and Lilly.When all these thoughts were running in his mind......

MC: Jake?

Jake: Sorry...I have to check something.And thank you for promising me,MC.Talk to you later.

________

MC: Something's worrying Jake....

But I don't know what that is

Lilly: Mmh..well, he's back.that's more important

MC: Ok,Talk to you later.

Though MC hadn't seen the mysterious hacker, she was able to grasp what he was going through even when she wasn't close to him.Love can be mysterious too, huh.

"Oh! I'm gonna be late to pick her!!",thought MC while she was walking away from her workplace in Colville.

_____

Few years ago..

"Mom!! Mom!! Look what I got for you!"

"Jake, don't run.You will fall down!"

"Hehe. Look this is my gift for you!"

She looked at those little hands giving a bunch of flowers that were as beautiful as his smile.She loved her son and his smile that meant the whole world to her but she hated him to the same extent,only because of his father.Or to be honest,she hated herself for making this innocent child suffer.

"I'll gladly accept your gift,my dear Jake"

______

Present day...

Jake as usual,changed his hiding place,only God knows how many times he changed it. This time he was in Colville.He found a hiding place on the outskirts of this city.But he didn't know MC lived near there too.

"Maybe I should buy something to eat",he murmured to himself while he was walking towards a store near a park,covering his face with his black hoodie.

He bought some stuff to eat and walked hurriedly to avoid people's gaze on him.

"Ouch!!",he frowned when a ball hit him on his head.

"I'm sorry young man",said a familiar voice.

Before he could speak,he saw that lady giving back the ball to a kid in that park.

And she apologised to Jake,"I'm sorry.I usually play with these kids in this park.I didn't notice someone walking .Haha, I should wear glasses,".She then continuously asked whether he was okay since he didn't speak anything back.

The ball's hit didn't hurt him.But the hit on his fragile heart was aching so much.

"Am I okay???How could you ask that after your lies?? Do you know how I suffered alone? How I cried alone in dark night??

I shouldn't have trusted you at all! YOU LIAR!!!"

He thought to vent out these words,tears ready to flow.

Before he could react,he saw that lady suddenly coughing up blood and fainting.

Another young woman who accompanied that lady said,"Miss Rose!! Are you okay??Miss Rose!!!"

Jake was as shocked as that young woman and he found himself immediately picking her up.

"Ambulance!! Call the Ambulance!!!",he said still stuttering in his words.

***

(Let me know what you think about this🙃And the last part of this fic, I'll try to post it soon.I'm little busy,please bear with me.)

The last time I tried to edit this,I posted it by mistake.Haha clumsy me

Take care and lots of virtual hugs dears!!♥️♥️♥️

Part 2 here

#duskwood #duskwood everbyte #duskwood fanfic #duskwood fandom #jake x mc #writings☆

[bruhstories]

Vogel und Jäger

Summary: You accidentally witness a murder, but the murderer takes pity on you. Pairing: Zeke Jaeger x Fem!Reader (mafia AU) Warnings & Content: murder, language, angst Word Count: 1.7 k

A/N: i've been dying for a mafia au with zeke so here's part one of the series Vogel und Jäger. i have two more chapters drafted, and i'll try to post for this series weekly so i can write some moooore for it.

Bang!

The blood-curling sound was familiar to your ears. A gunshot — followed by the gurgling of a man.

Bang!

Another shot and the gurgling stopped. Panic settled in your heart, making you jump back and knock the metallic bin which served as a shield against the perpetrators.

Shit.

Footsteps drew closer and you began to pray. Running was futile. Running was always futile. Your throat was dry, your mascara was smeared all over your cheeks from all the tears, lips chapped and bleeding.

Our Father, who art in Heaven...

The cold muzzle of the gun pressed onto your forehead and you shivered, breath hitching, eyes glued to the wet pavement.

Hollowed be thy name...

The Mafia never spared any witnesses, you knew that all too well, even if you happened to be in the wrong place, at the wrong time.

Thy Kingdom come...

"Hey, boss, we got a girl."

"Kill her."

"No, please!" You threw yourself at the feet and mercy of the armed man. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! Please, I'm only nineteen!" Through the sobs, your voice was still melodious, syrupy. So sweet that the boss stopped in his tracks.

Thy will be done...

Another pair of footsteps approached, tentatively, not as eager as the first person. You still haven't looked up, too scared to even blink, to even breathe.

On earth, as it is in Heaven...

"Hand me the gun, Yelena."

"As you wish, boss."

You felt someone crouch down next to you, someone dressed in expensive clothing, by the look of the trousers and polished shoes.

Give us this day our daily bread...

"You've got a very pretty voice." He lifted your chin up with the barrel of the gun, chills running down your spine.

"T-thank y-you..."

"Can you sing, little bird?"

"Y-yes."

And forgive us our trespasses...

Finally, you looked at the perpetrator — spellbinding grey eyes, platinum blonde hair slicked back and a matching goatee. His gaze was either boring or pitiful.

"Lucky you, we're hiring."

As we forgive those who trespass against us...

Anxiety coiled in your stomach, words caught up in your throat. You were still praying, unaware if this was all a sadistic joke or a miracle.

And lead us not into temptation...

Dark lashes fluttered, more tears streaming down your beautiful face as the gears in your head turned in a desperate attempt to understand what was happening.

But deliver us from evil...

"Hiring?" Your voice went up an octave when you saw the small stag pinned to the man's chest. The Jaeger family — the most feared mafia family in Paradis City.

For thine is the kingdom...

"A pretty voice like yours shouldn't go to waste." He got up and offered you his hand.

And the power, and the glory...

Reluctantly, you took it, helping yourself up and chewing your lower lip.

For ever and ever...

"T-thank you!" You told him, slender fingers squeezing his hand tightly. "I owe you m-my life."

Amen.

"Correct. Your life, your soul, your eyes and ears." He walked you to a car and opened the door for you. "Yelena, take us to the club. We've got business to discuss with my little brother."

•°.•°.•°.•°

Your eyes wandered all over the soundproof office, situated one floor above and opposite the stage. Every inch of the bar, the seating areas, everything was visible from that room. You tapped a finger on the wide window, eyes narrowed at the idea that it might, in fact, be bulletproof. These men were not playing, and you were now their property. The door opened and you jolted at the sound of music filling the office as your saviour walked in with two other people.

"This is my younger brother, Eren. You already know Yelena. I assume you know my name."

You nodded.

"Zeke Jaeger."

"Good girl." Zeke was pleased with your answer as he poured himself a glass of bourbon.

"I thought we didn't spare any witnesses." Eren shot you a look that made you regret being alive.

"Settle down, little brother. Tell us your name."

"Y/N, sir. Y/N Y/L/N." You swallowed, fingers fiddling with the hem of your blouse in an attempt to calm your nerves.

"You see, Eren, Y/N can sing." Zeke opened a drawer and pulled a gun out. More guns, more panic. Your eyes widened and your plump lips quivered when he aimed the gun at you with one hand, glass of alcohol in the other. "Sing or I paint the walls with your brains."

Your legs almost gave in at the threat — you knew it wasn't an empty one, and with all the courage you could muster, you closed your eyes and sang the first song that came to your mind, fucking Kiss from a Rose.

Your voice seemed to coat the people with honey, all three of them somewhat relaxing at the sweet sounds coming from your vocal cords.

"See, I told you she can sing." Zeke put the gun back in the drawer and closed it, swirling the bourbon in his glass before finishing it.

"Where do you live?" Eren crossed his arms, still suspicious of you.

"Historia's." You told him, eyes drifting to the ugly fur rug on the floor.

"The orphanage?"

"Yes."

"But you said you're nineteen." Zeke intervened, a brow quirked at you.

"I am. I try to help as much as possible in exchange for a bed and a roof over my head." You explained, eyeing the white couch that looked so incredibly comfortable.

"Just sit down already." Eren scoffed and you rushed to the furniture, mumbling thank you’s over and over.

"And why were you on that street tonight?" Yelena spoke for the first time since you came to the club. You looked at her and she seemed just as suspicious about you as Eren.

"I... the man you k-killed... he was... I'm-"

"A prostitute." Zeke nonchalantly interrupted you.

It was true. People like you, orphans, didn't have the privilege of being properly educated and finding well-paid jobs. Paradis was a jungle, and you did everything you could to survive. Everything.

"Well on the bright side you don't have to do that anymore." Zeke shrugged as he sunk deeper in his chair, feet on the desk, but you sensed he wasn't entirely honest. "You do have a beautiful voice, and our last girl had some... business to attend to, so you'll be taking her place."

"Is this why you called me here?" Eren sighed, leg impatiently shaking.

"Don't be stupid, of course not. I need Armin to prepare this month's tax reports and I need you to keep an eye on the police. They're sticking their nose in our business again, and I want them out of it. You two can go. Y/N, you stay." Zeke waved his hand and Eren and Yelena left, music briefly filling the office again.

You twiddled with the cushion in your lap, waiting for your new boss to say something. Being in that room was nerve-wracking, and you felt the air grow thick. Eventually Zeke took off his glasses, fingers rubbing the bridge of his nose as he sighed.

"Sir?" You dared, voice feeble and frail.

"What?" He clicked his tongue and you instantly regretted speaking.

"Sir, I'm not educated, but I've been on the streets long enough to know that every man or woman has a purpose..." You placed the cushion back. "...and a price. What's my purpose? I doubt it's only to sing."

Zeke nodded, fingers tracing the wooden desk.

"You're right, it isn't just to sing. It's to distract."

"Distract who? And from what?"

"You're asking an awful lot of questions for someone who's just witnessed a murder. You best not go to the police." He narrowed his eyes, piercing your soul. You sighed and walked to the desk, taking a seat opposite Zeke.

"It's not... my first murder." You confessed to him.

"Oh? My dear, you're full of surprises. Pray, tell. Drink?"

"Yes please." You answered, throat dry as a desert. "I can't go to the police. And even if I could, I wouldn't." The drink earned a disgusted look from you, but it was better than nothing. "Two years ago, I ended someone's life. He deserved it, he broke into Miss Historia's orphanage and tried to... to..."

"I understand." Zeke stopped you. "And if you go to the police, they'd do a background check on you." He continued, satisfied that he had a leverage in case you decided to turn against him.

"Exactly. And Historia helped me so much, I wouldn't want to put her in danger. So, I'm asking again, distract who from what?"

Zeke walked to the window, telling you to follow him. He pointed at two men, a tall blond one, and a short brunette one.

"See those two? They're policemen. They work for us, but we suspect they're double agents." He explained before pointing at three other men. "Those we suspect of being Marleyan mobsters. You see, Y/N, we have a lot of enemies. And we must keep our guard up every second of our lives."

You nodded, perfectly understanding Zeke's words. Paradis was a chess board and only the filthy rich played — the rest of you were pawns.

"Sir, you spared my life, and I know I can't ask for anything in return. But please, please don't drag Miss Historia into this. The children there did nothing wrong." Tears pooled at your eyes, rolling down your cheeks and you wiped them with the back of your hand. "I swear my loyalty to you."

"For someone uneducated, you're extremely clever." Zeke's voice was serious. You half-smiled at the compliment, but you knew the mess you got yourself into cut your lifespan severely. "Can you shoot?"

"No, sir."

"It's alright, Mikasa will teach you. Sleep on the couch tonight, I'll have Yelena bring you a blanket. Tomorrow you'll swear an oath in front of the family. And if you want to protect Historia, you'll move out of the orphanage."

You nodded. You understood that mingling with the mafia endangered everyone you loved, but you couldn't stop yourself from crying the entire night. Historia was but a few months older than you, yet she gladly took you in when she invested in that orphanage. Now you had to leave everything behind for her safety — and yours.

#zeke jaeger #zeke jaeger x reader #zeke jaeger x you #zeke jaeger x y/n #zeke yeager #zeke yeager x reader #zeke yeager x you #zeke yeager x y/n #aot #aot x reader #aot x you #aot x y/n #snk #snk x reader #snk x you #snk x y/n #attack on titan #attack on titan fanfiction #shingeki no kyoujin #shingeki no kyoujin fanfiction #zeke jaeger fanfiction #zeke yeager fanfiction #zeke x reader #zeke x you #zeke x y/n

[toisiit]

throne and paradise endings, answering questions from inbox, my goodbye :)

it's been a year since i stopped writing throne and paradise, and all copies (save for ao3 which has been orphaned) have been taken down, so i've come alive here just to give you lovelies one last thing:

throne: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23801650?view_full_work=true

paradise: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23802184?view_full_work=true

final chapters: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1qVmqPV7zzQUNFTCzM9-AeA_hpRVex0CwxDKyFhAD2C0/edit?usp=drivesdk

these are the links to the unfinished ao3 versions of throne and paradise, and the doc is to the final chapters :)) whilst it's obviously not up to my standards and i didn't want to even write the endings because i wanted to leave it all behind, i felt bad since i was two chapters away from the end and didn't leave you guys with any closure from the ending that i'd been building up towards the whole way through. the endings were announced on wattpad (where i offered to give them to anyone who wanted them through dms) but i figured i'd drop it here since a lot of my ao3 fans were tumblr hoes too. i probably should've shown it to you guys earlier but i'm a bit of a coward :)) i literally deleted tumblr and logged out of my account because i was so scared to be back here after what happened LOL well anyways, i hope you enjoy the shitty endings. there's a side stories doc linked in the final chapters one so if you feel like sitting down and reading like 17k of paraathy post-paradise or claudiana, go for it :))

just saying, thanks to everyone who left so many sweet messages in my inbox :)) there were a bunch of questions asking about the deleted/unfinished works, and there were a lot of encouraging comments that honestly, definitely helped for me to gain some kind of confidence to come on here again as toisiit.

i don't mind talking about throne/paradise/whatever if you want to scream about the endings to me and how y'all knew where i was going with it, so feel free to spam me in my dms slash wherever you can find me lol

just a quick little q&a session here since i'm too lazy to respond to each question from my anon inbox individually:

will you ever repost "cripple"?

nope, i've got no intentions to since in the end, i didn't have an actual structure planned out. if you want a brief

Why can't I see any of your ao3 stories from your profile?

again, that's explained up above but i ended up orphaning them to get rid of all traces and links back to me lol i was sick and tired of it. now, i regret it and wish i'd just gone anon instead of ORPHANING THE FUCKING WORKS AND NOT BEING ABLE TO RELEASE AN ACTUAL ENDING but whatever, i kind of tried to make up for it lol

Did claude in intoxicating lose his memories of Diana. Though the characterisation was absolutely brilliant. But i wonder that did he completely stop hating the thing that killed his lover and made his lyf painful(from his pov). Or because he forgot about diana or partially remembered her that he started "loving" athy.

fun fact! i remember when this was sent in and i actually wrote half a mini-essay before i accidentally did that macbook side swipe thing and it took me to my previous page and basically got rid of 2000+ words :D uhmmmm to be honest i don't actually remember what i wrote, but going off the vibes i was probably going for, i think he would have tried to forget about diana (after the ruby palace massacre) and then when he became grossly infatuated with athy, he would have focused on her instead whilst still associating her with diana (without realising it, of course. he just notices how athy's golden hair feels a little familiar, notices how her high cheekbones feel a little similar, the same creamy skin).

he definitely would have forgotten how she killed his lover/made his life painful as he became obsessive over athanasia, and instead wanted to have a claim over her (rather than kill her since she killed diana inadvertently). i'm glad you liked his characterisation as fucking WILD AND GENUINELY PSYCHO TOT that he is lol i was rereading intoxicating to try and gain closure and was like 🧍🏼‍♂️🧍🏼‍♂️why is this man so fucking creepy like the way that he talks and acts around athanasia is genuinely gross but in that weird like lolita way... and rereading how athanasia tried to convince herself that he was purely in love with her rather than off doing god knows what genuinely made me pity her before i realised that i was the one who wrote that 🧍🏼‍♂️🧍🏼‍♂️

Was intoxicating AU's athy more like diana? Like im just asking because here claude says that he tried to ignore diana's features in athy but couldn't. Which is a foil to what manhwa claude says and how manhwa's LP Athy is portrayed. Btw apart from the claude and felix digression i found the depiction of incest abuse outstanding and very loyal to real cases. Your story was the first that got me studying this crime and its effects and i realised this is the worst form of pedophilia. So kudos.

when i write, i really try to separate what goes on in the manhwa to how i portray the characters as a) i feel like if they're too similar then i can't get away with differences e.g. in paradise, athy being portrayed a total cold-blooded bitch instead of a mature, nice girl meant that when she did cruel things, people didn't find it as weird as she'd been characterised as something else and b) sometimes i find their characters boring so i add spice in other ways LOL it just isn't convenient to write about them in ways that don't fit the storyline i want. i kind of ignore the manhwa now 🧍🏼‍♂️🧍🏼‍♂️BUT ANYWAYS, i'd say that she physically resembled diana (pretty sure that was established in the manhwa so i did take that concept and apply it to intoxicating since it did kind of support the reason why claude even got involved with athy in the first place ??) and i suppose they could have been emotionally as well.

i tried to maintain athanasia's childish side to really hone in on the fact that claude was doing those things to a child, let alone his daughter. when she is thirteen, she is naïve enough to believe that if she can convince herself that he loves her as a romantic partner, then she will ignore the scorn that they will face if they're found out. she comes to terms with the fact that he doesn't love her that way and so she withdraws, realising that he shouldn't love her as a partner anyway (which is why when they argue later, it is because claude has realised that he wants her as a romantic partner and wants to make her his empress, whereas athanasia wants a father).

when jennette is introduced, she definitely has a grown in the sense that she knows to withdraw, knows to be quiet about what her father did to her, but she also is jealous when his attention is taken away from her. i didn't really think about diana's characterisation since she only appears in claude's single hallucination, but i'd say she was more demure in that scene which does kind of tie into how athanasia changes to become more lady-like, reserved etc after she withdraws from claude? i didn't really think about it lol sorry 🧍🏼‍♂️🧍🏼‍♂️

also the claude felix thing was NOT MEANT TO HAPPEN I GOT CARRIED AWAY OKAY it started off as a joke in my server and then i was like lol sure why not and now... 🧍🏼‍♂️🧍🏼‍♂️sorry felix you deserved so much better than what claude did to you TOT but regarding what you said about how it was loyal to real cases, i'm glad that i could at least somewhat portray it in that way (of course not glad that it happens, but i'm glad i could at least try to shed some light on these things) !! it would have been better if i highlighted the relationship more and really pointed out that athanasia's view of it was intentionally rose tinted so that she could try to make it seem 'okay', especially as there were some miscommunications about if i was glorifying and romanticising it or not, but all in all, i'm glad you enjoyed it :))

Did anastasius groom claude in intoxicatong AU. Like how did claude revolt and attempt to murder Ana if he was also groomed and was following the same path. Is groomed Athy of the same mindset as groomed claude. Or is she stronger or weaker. And did claude try to vent these same things onto Diana when he first met her,but later he tried changing his mind???

i think i had plans for anastasius to have groomed/sexually assault claude? i just realised how bad that sounds OH MY GOD i swear i don't go around writing about these things anymore oh my god... okay but i think i definitely was going to go down that path, and have that as the excuse as to why claude revolted against anastasius and killed him. in this case, claude would have killed him as a type of revenge (and if you're really going down the cruel, gruesome, dead dove please don't eat trail, he may have topped him as an attempt to gain back his power), and all of his abuse in his childhood could potentially explain why he followed the same path and went after athanasia. in intoxicating, i don't remember if i ever had plans to 'explain' why claude did what he did (as in what actually pushed him to the edge to even consider doing what he did, even if it was initially a test to see if he could push athanasia away) as i was concerned that it may be seen as an excuse, not an explanation.

however, i did have a mini-series called cripple that was meant to be claude's childhood to the ruby palace massacre, which definitely would have entailed all of the above (anastasius sexually assaulting and grooming claude, the revolt etc). using that as a support for the contents of intoxicating, in this case, it could have definitely been a reason for why he went after athanasia. they would have had similar mindsets as children (both wanting attention and love from an older male figure, being innocent and naïve and thus easy to be taken advantage of, not understanding the weight of the situation), but as they got older, they definitely went different ways.

claude would have been furious, murderous, craving vengeance and to destroy his brother in the cruellest way possible because his pride had been tarnished (i see claude as a very prideful man, so having this kind of thing done to him would have driven him to the edge). he would have loathed anastasius, wanting to torture him and leave him to rot. once he withdrew, he would find himself giving in - he would be forced upon whether he liked it or not. he'd be an example of victims who emerge loathing their abusers, vengeful, and full of hatred and distrust towards the world. athanasia, on the other hand, withdrew in an attempt to protect herself but would find herself giving in regardless. i think she would be an example of victims who go back to their abusers anyways, as they find it as a better thing than being on their own. i don't really like to say that athanasia is weaker as it has negative connotations, but you could definitely take it that her resolve was weaker.

again, i didn't think too much about diana's characterisation in intoxicating, but claude could very well have attempted to mimic these behaviours onto her. however, i don't really see it as that. if i briefly imagine the situation, i think that claude would have tried to better himself in a way after killing anastasius and attempting to salvage his pride and regain his sense of control. he knows that what was done to him was bad, was horrible, was something that no other person should go through, and as such, i like to think that claude wouldn't have done any of those things to diana because he wanted to be a better man for himself, and for her as he loved her. however, after her death, he probably would have been pushed to the edge and found himself in a downward spiral, which would explain why when he met athanasia, he would have lost all moral control and would think that it was okay to do something like that to her.

thank you so much to everyone who has supported me since april 2020 when i first started writing throne and paradise, and for everyone who continued to encourage me to keep on writing even when i wanted to stop and give up. i know it sounds a little bad, but you guys really helped me to keep going (in life too), and i really appreciate all of your kind words !! i hope you enjoy the ending as shoddy as it is <3333333

love,

toisiit

#toisiit #toi #wmmap #ao3 #who made me a princess #uhh wow this was just off my recommendations #lmfao this was much longer than it was supposed to be #anyways love y'all #<3

[starlit-pathways]

*a good half of the links i've included are uk-exclusive, unfortunately.

thank you so much for tagging me @mars-aria!! i loveeee KAI's music and YES you should absolutely watch & fall in love with The Handmaiden. it's one of my favourites and i couldn't recommend it enough.

last album: i'm more of a "let's break the record for the amount of niche playlists created on one spotify account!" kind of person than an album person, but apparently the last two albums i listened to multiple songs off of were:

Hozier by Hozier

KAI - The 1st Mini Album by KAI

the last playlist i made was "the most beautiful songs in the world"

last movie:

Klaus - basically a santa origin story. it was... pretty solid!! it was a amazingly animated, and it had a very heartfelt message. not my cup of tea, but i could see how it would be someone else's.

i've recently bought three films to watch in the next couple weeks:

Sweet Bean - one of my favourites i discovered this year; very touching, and at times gut-wrenching, but left me feeling very peaceful; about a man whose life and small sweet bean pastry shop is failing, then brought back to life by an elderly woman with a unique view on the world, and a schoolgirl desperate to escape her home life

The Lunchbox - which i know absolutely nothing about because it was a recommendation

Eternal Sunshine On The Spotless Mind - which i also know nothing about, except i heard from somewhere that one of my favourite songs, Recessional by Vienna Teng, was loosely based on it, and... well. that was enough to sell me

currently reading:

Anne Of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery - about an orphan girl who accidentally gets herself a found family in the canadian countryside; very beautifully written, and very heartwarming

Justice Calling (The Twenty Sided Sorceress #1) by Annie Bellet - about a sorceress who's settled in a small town and is pretending to be a witch because of the ~dark and evil implications of sorcery~ and has somehow been flagged as being involved in a future mass-death event; being completely honest, i started reading to up my goodreads total, but i'm still having a good time!

Romance Your Plan: Taking Genre Fiction Marketing To The Next Level by Zoe York - basically a how-to series on self publishing—very informative series, but she could be more succinct in places... that said, i've taken a lot of stuff about plotting series' and about maintaining a consistent brand in self publishing on board

The Feminine In Fairytales by Marie Louise von Franz - a jungian psychology book, based on a series of lecture notes by one of the key early thinkers in psychodynamic psychology, analysing fairytales and mythology for information on the human psyche - very informative, and generally so life-revealing that i've been reading this. for 3 years. and i'm still not done. i read a few pages and i just...... live with them for a while. jungian psychology is a philosophy i very much live by, and it's good to read some of the source material for it

rereading Pride And Prejudice by Jane Austen - about a bunch of people going to each others' houses; it's very good! you can see & map out exactly where each of the characters are coming from at all points. one of my all-time favourites. it very much deserves its acclaim, and status as a masterpiece.

up next:

The Goblin Emperor by Katherine Addison

Dune by Frank Herbert

Iron Widow by Xiran Jay Zhao

currently watching:

finishing off The Long Ballad - a historical romance about an impulsive, androgynous princess well versed in military tactics and politics, who vows revenge when her family is murdered, but finds the value of love, found family and inner healing along the way; very long, and very good all-around characterisation, with an interesting blend of taoist/buddhist philosophy and anti-war message at its core

rewatching Goblin/Guardian: The Lonely And Great God - about a man who's cursed with immortality and godlike powers, and is very—understandably—sad about it. he has to wait for his chance to die, which comes in the form of the woman he loves—who comes in the form of an opportunistic schoolgirl whose life absolutely sucks. he also cohabits and forms a found family with his sworn frenemy; a grim reaper. it's veryyyy slow to start, but an absolutely fascinating and mystical fantasy world once it picks up; i still get the heebie-jeebies at the age gap of the main pair at first, but i genuinely still love all of the characters and find their arcs beautiful. it's bonkers. it's hilarious! it's tragic. it's got gong yoo as the male lead. it's very good, and imo, deserves its popularity.

i'm THIS close to rewatching Good Doctor —most people who know me know that i don't tend to love medical dramas. most people who know me know that i'm not easily impressed by most autistic representation. i wasn't expecting to fall in love with this show. mostly because of those things, but also because of its american adaptation, which i always felt like was aiming much more to create maximum drama than wanting to portray or represent anything accurately (which is fine, i guess, but not my thing). the original (korean) version though is just... SO compassionate, heartwarming, and has some surprisingly nuanced takes on autism that have honestly changed the way i've related to it myself. it's a dated drama now, with a fair bit of melodrama, and it definitely has its faults (probably a 8.5/10 from me)... but there were so many times i went "!!!!!! wait that's me". and. i should........ just rewatch it lol.

currently craving: tyrrell's salt and vinegar crisps. honestly... when am i not.

tagging in no particular order (and with absolutely no pressure if you don't want to!—if i left you out, you're seeing this, and you want to do it too, then consider yourself officially tagged by me): @ethereal-sserendipity @avengerskye @that-space-between-the-stars @lillianbreaker @lillb5678 @faeinthefog @eviclair @ikatella @itiredwriter @bitsandpiecesofwhoiam @evakant @electricpentacle @missauthorette @aheartandashirt

#i 1000% overdo every single thing i'm tagged in #performative journaling #media tag

[knoepfchen]

Tagged by @bewires (it's been forever since i've done one of these, but clearly the end of year has me in the mood for reflection)

Tagging: @raedear, @devouring-time, @regina-del-cielo, @chinchillinator, @werebearbearbar, @emjee, @sixth-light and anyone who would like to do it, ofc :)

How many works do you have on AO3? 33

What's your total AO3 word count? 449,572 (of which, yes, over half was written in the last 1.5 years)

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they? My AO3 says 7 but that's only because I keep orphaning older works I'm unhappy with 😅 should be like 10!

They are: The Old Guard, The Raven Cycle, Harry Potter, Merlin, James Bond, The Witcher, In The Flesh and technically also Love, Actually

Are there any new fandoms you want to write for? No, I'm a one fandom at a time kinda gal 😁 (I can barely balance fic with original fiction, but yeah if there was anything I wanted to "get into" it would probably be... my novel draft from last year or two years ago)

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

and you smiled, because you knew. (TOG)

we that are true lovers run into strange capers (TOG)

Oh, the Irony (TRC)

The Voice of Experience (TOG, co-written with @werebearbearbar)

"I assume you don't mind sharing?" (TRC)

Which of your fics do you want more attention for? i'm not sure if there's a good answer here that's not something along the lines of "all of them, duh," or the other extreme, which is "it still boggles my mind that people are responding to the things i'm putting out there at all."

...but then again, i'd bet everyone who's written more than one fic for the same fandom knows that it tends to be the small, silly, throw-away idea fics that seem to get a lot more kudos and comments than expected, and the longer ones with meatier concepts that take tons and tons more work often don't get reactions in proportion to that.

so in that vein, a fic i worked hard on that i wish had more kudos is if you do take a thief , but at the same time, it had a really loyal readership and people left amazing comments that made my day whenever i updated, so anything else i put here would sound like an unreasonable complaint ♥️

Do you respond to comments, why or why not? I try to! ...but when i write one-shots, i'm actually sort of mentally done with them and i find it difficult to respond to comments because i then go back and forth thinking about what i've written and doubt whether i should have posted it (even if it's the nicest comment ever!). that's why i'm more likely to respond to comments on WIPs - at least there I feel like I can still fix it 😅

What sorts of things do you normally write? Very silly AUs based on social media posts, if I'm being honest

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending? I keep saying I don't write angst, but that's a lie - I wrote an interpretation/canon retelling of the events leading up to Quynh being thrown into the sea, and there is nothing happy about the ending to that fic.

What's a fic that pushed you out of your comfort zone? The fic I spoke about above - I didn't know anything about the setting, I'd never written fighting scenes before, and I'm basically addicted to happy endings, none of which this fic had. Without @avaniesque it would have been one big mess <3

Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you've written? Apparently I do! I've just recently written a The Old Guard x Love, Actually crossover, because the idea that Chiwetel Eijofor's character in each film (Copley and Peter, respectively) tickled me. I think I did a good job, although yes, it means I had to fridge Keira Knightley 😅

I've also written a Hogwarts AU for In the Flesh, but that kind of thing doesn't really count as a crossver anymore, does it?

Have you ever had a fic translated? Not to my knowledge - but I have translated other people's Merlin and 00Q fics in the past!

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Yep - my Big Bang from earlier this year was a co-written piece with @werebearbearbar ♥️

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will? Not sure there are any - some are bit more slow going, sure, but I haven't given up on any yet.

What are you currently working on? I guess I might as well admit to it - I've now started the radio fic 😂

What are your writing strengths? I think I'm funny (sue me), a decent plotter, and relentless in giving fics fully-fleshed out secondary characters that are a joy for my mains to bounce off of.

What are your writing weaknesses? Because I envision most of my stories like a TV series, I don't always do a lot of "showing" when it comes to my characters' emotions - it's dialogue or nothing, usually.

Also, English is still only my second language so sometimes my phrasing is awkward and my scenes and sentences drag on and on while I try to make my point - I've been trying to write neater for literal years.

What was the first fandom you wrote for? Most recent? If we're counting school projects, then Looking for Alaska was the first, and most recent, of course, The Old Guard

What's your favorite fic you've written? if you do take a thief - it was a lot of fun!

What fic are you most proud of? Ever so often, I try to write about a slightly bigger topic than my usual borderline crack AUs. It can be a bit hit and miss, but I've been very touched by the response I've gotten to if i'd have lived longer. I wasn't sure if the issue I was trying to touch on, that kind of not having anything against children but not wanting them for yourself, would come across. I'm glad that some people felt seen in the end result.

#tag games