#but i dont know anymore | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

w98pops · 8 months

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Still cant believe a fucking terf is in fallout fandom intecacting with trans creators and drawing her ugly stereotypical twink transmasc character. You should be ashamed

What is even happening to my inbox anymore. Idk if it's the same person that asked about Sharky or not, but it really makes me uncomfortable.

I don't know where the TERF stuff even come from, but I'm very open with my political views and yeah, I was a radfem in 2019 or something. I also was a very vulnerable sad russian teenager. I know not a lot of people on tumblr aware of all the intricacies of russian internet scene, but I assume you, anon, have some knowledge, because you called me a TERF in the first place.

There's an internet phenomenon called "alt-right pipeline" and I fell in the simular thing called "TERF pipeline". This shit is inevitable for every single afab person that speaks russian. It's a really big thing. I don't say it's an excuse to be a bigot, but I was 12 when i first touched the internet. I was insecure, very fucking poor and spiteful. Also I had and (still have) some hormone problems and was generally a pretty ugly girl so coped with it by drawing ponies and hating on elusive and mysterious "men in skirts" these smart twitter girlies always talked about.

To be perfectly honest, I genuinely don't understand what russian TERFs are fighting for or against, I was in this shit for solid few years and still have no idea. I mean, now it's illegal to be transgender in Russia (a real law), but it wasn't a win for these angry teenage girls, it was a win for genocidal bigoted russian government, the same one that legalized domestic violence (also a law. its officially not a real crime in this country). I went off the topic and started ranting about my frustrations with the government again FUCK 😭

I tried to say that russian internet is genuinely a fucked up place, but I lived in the middle of Siberia in a village, ideologically only had my orthodox grandma, racist older brother and TERFs on the internet. I only started to learn english a few years ago, so i didn't have enough options before that. Or, to better words, didn't have enough knowledge to be a better person.

I'm really really and sincerely fucking sorry for that. Like, truly. It was really fucked up and I'm ashamed of stuff I said and supported blindly. I now have resources and have some media literacy in my disposal and basic understanding of english to educate myself about the topics I'm talking about. I'm trying my hardest to show support and love to all my queer friends and mutuals, and as an artist I do all I can to be inclusive, not because I feel the need to, but because I want to.

I have no right to speak about trans people and their issues and I won't. I don't know if Sharky is as bad as anon described, because I'm biased (this is my character after all) and not educated enough to acknowledge all the stereotypes associated with transmasculinity. I would really enjoy to hear opinions of my fellow transmen. To address some of my choices regarding his design and writing:

- He wears pink, because it's a quirky color that doesn't show up much in Fallout. Never meant to de-masculate him or to ridicule him. It's my favorite color, after red and brown, which are the primary colors of Wendy.

- He has a silly personality and a carefree attitude because 1) I'm projecting and 2) Wendy needed a character to balance out her awkward and moody autism

- He's a girl's boy and has wives. I didn't have the reason to make him not like girls. I wanted him to be an example of positive masculinity and solidarity. He is a straight dude who loves women. Not just sexually attracted to them or sees them as pets. They are his partners. With their own personalities and lives. Also I wanted to make a full circle 😭😭😭 I'm asexual and bi-romantic. I like boys, girls, all between and beyond boys and girls and don't really think sex is a big thing for me. Aletus likes boys, Sharky likes girls and Wendy likes when there's no sex. Pretty simple, I think.

Hope this explains why Sharky is the way he is. Would still really appreciate an opinion from a trans person. Or any kind of feedback really, because I've been feeling really fucking bad lately and can't objectively reflect on my choices. Also more questions about my OCs are very much welcome. There's a lot of stuff that made me feel like I've been misiforming people, including this anonymous message, and I will specify anything you want to know. Thank you all a lot.

#at least i got this little rant of my chest #but i dont know anymore #ive been feeling shameful for a lot of my posts here lately #i feel like no one really wants to see me post stupid ass oc sketches for another gajilliomillionth time this week #i know its not true but im angry at myself that i just cant draw shit anymore #considered taking a break but what will i do bruh #in moments like these i truly fucking wish i had friends #<- cringe emo shit I prohibited myself from saying

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caelumangeli · 7 months

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getting my hair done at work today after like 5 months It'll take a while so I'll probably get some of my sfw replies/asks finally taken care of through mobile while I'm at it

#ooc #we will see #thats the goal #but i dont know anymore

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spoonietimelordy · 2 years

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Me since like 5years: I know that I dissociate a lot and I have a lot of trauma and I feel stuff that aren't my own feelings and do stuff that I can't control and it doesn't feel like it's me doing them but it can't be osdd naah, it can't be, right?

#charlie is rambling #i am rethinking about yesterday and I feel really weird about it #like i wasn't the one controlling what i was doing #i call this things emotional flashback but flashback don't do things on their own #wtf is happening to me #i don't fucking know anymore #the thing is i never took the system hypothesis seriously since i never hear voices on my heads #well i thought it was just internal monologues going fast and answering myself #but i dont know anymore #fuck #did any of you if you follow me since a while have noticed stuffs?#or am i just loosing my mind right now

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pixiethoughtsfairyfeelings · 2 years

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~

#ah #i hate the way ive made myself feel #all because im stupidly posessive and jealous #I know it isn't realistic but in my head It was #maybe I wouldn't feel this way if i just talked to you #but #i won't #not yet #i know that communication is important #and I'll talk to you at some point #but how can I do that when I feel like im nothing to you?#you used to make me feel like I was everything to you #now I just feel like a weirdo watching your life from the sidelines #and I'm telling myself this would have all been fine if you had just talked to me #but i dont know anymore #I'm going insane because i dont know the difference between real problems and the problems i make up in my head #it's upsetting me but who can I tell?#i used to tell you these things :/

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arimiadev · 3 months

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oh shit rpg maker xp is completely free to own this week on steam??

#I dont use rpgm anymore but this is still wonderful to know about #if you add it to your account then it shouldn't be removed once the week is over #you should have it forever for free #just know that this license might only be for free games and you might have to actually purchase the software before you can make commercia #indie game dev #game dev #rpg maker

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luke-and-leia-the-cats-not-jedi · 11 months

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So this Leia standing up which is adorable and I would have posted on Reddit to /r/catsstandingup but I haven’t really figured out Tumblr yet so is there a #catsstandingup is that what I do someone help I’m an old man

#cat #cats #catsstandingup #reddit refugee #i dont know how to social media anymore

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stil-lindigo · 3 months

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when people reblog donation posts and say "donate what you can", I really feel like people aren't actually internalising it. not all of us can afford to donate $50, $100, more than that. but i know for a fact that there are thousands of us that can spare $2 or $5, and that all adds up.

it hurts so much to sit here and feel the limits of our own ability. we're not millionaires. we can't instantly fund these escape attempts. but these are bids for life, by people who never asked for the hellfire being rained upon them by sadistic colonialists, greedy for oil and land. they committed no crime other than being born in palestine. and of course it's unfair, to have to shoulder the weight of people's lives when we're all struggling to get by as it is. but our governments relentlessly fail us, they fail to scrape at the bottom of their cold dead hearts for their last dregs of humanity. it is so, so unfair, but it is up to the common man to save each other.

please. look at this spreadsheet. find a fund that resonates with you. and DONATE WHAT YOU CAN.

#i dont know what else to say anymore #i just want all of them to survive #theres truly nothing that could justify this ongoing genocide #and it kills me. that global pushback is so pathetic. gutless and meandering #free palestine #palestine #fuck zionism #fuck israel #we will see an end to zionism and israel within our lifetimes #i might be suicidal but im not dying before i see netanyahu get what he fucking deserves #donation post

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guavi · 3 months

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n-no, certainly not

#good omens #good omens fanart #aziraphale #crowley #long post #ive been staring at this for long enough that i dont know if i like this anymore #sorry for stretching out your dash #guavi draws #cw snakes

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190729 · 10 months

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#is this anything #i dont even know anymore this thing has been stuck in my head for the past god knows how many days #dj crazy times #<- act of bravery (surrender to madness)

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tshortik · 3 months

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Turn on "prevent third-party sharing" in your settings!

Go into your settings, click on your blog name, scroll down and enable "prevent third-party sharing". I'm gonna be honest, I question how much/if this even prevents any AI bullshit, but do it just in case anyway.