#but i dont feel any better. i need to go outside. or leave my apartment at least. stop being a fish stuck in a tiny bowl

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#sometimes i look at digital art and think: imagine a world where i could just erase my mistakes forever #without distorting everything with a horrible amount of white gel pen. sigh.... but that would mean learning how to digital art for #drawing ppl and it just doesnt feel the same... so im stuck drawing and redrawing and remaining unsatisfied. so it goes #idk im in the grips of... something #i havent done anything productive in 3 days and that should be a good thing. i assume myself for the 1000th time. but i dont feel any #better. i might even feel worse. i got a lot of stuff done tho. usless things i mean. i wrote 7.5k on a fic and drew a lot #but i dont feel any better. i need to go outside. or leave my apartment at least. stop being a fish stuck in a tiny bowl #but that's not gonna happen. so ive just gotta suck it up and drag myself thru another week. hopefully i can actually make progress on my #manuscripts... i really dont wanna deal with them but they really need to get done #unrelated

[withwritersblock]

Your Needs, My Needs

~Your Needs, My Needs by Noah Kahan~

Author's Note: I love Kirby Dach and I miss him Summary: After Kirby gets injured Y/N comforts him Warnings: shouting and cursing Word Count: 1,069 Kirby Dach x fm!reader

He hasn’t come back to the ice after the hit into the Chicago bench. She anxiously sat in the back of the suit, staring at the television broadcast instead of the actual game below them. Caitlin walked over towards her with a sad smile on her lips.

“Have you heard from him?” she asked and Y/N shook her head. Shifting her gaze towards her phone, waiting to see if he texted her what was going on.

“It didn’t look that bad right?” Y/N questioned as she kept her gaze on the TV screen waiting for her boyfriend to return to the ice but he hadn't. She raised her hand towards her eye as she wiped a tear that was getting ready to trickle out of her eye. 

The team ended up winning the game without Kirby. He hasn’t texted her or even alerted her if he was going to be okay. She waited outside the locker room with Caitlin beside her. Kirby usually left the locker room during the middle of the pack but he was the first one leaving. Using crutches to help himself walk. He kept his gaze low for only a moment before he lifted his gaze to see Y/N waiting for him. He clenched his jaw as he felt his eyes tear up.

She walked towards him, furrowing her eyebrows. “It hurts like a bitch,” he muttered, shaking his head. She nodded as she wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing his cheek for a brief moment. His head rested on her shoulder as he fought off a sob climbing his throat.

“You’ll get through this,” she let out as she pulled away from him. 

“Can you drive?” he mumbled, his voice was raspy.

“Of course,” she mumbled as she stood beside him, “Let’s get you home,” she muttered as she delicately rested her hand on his arm.

~~~

It had only been an hour since they got back to their shared apartment and the pain was slowly starting to get worse. He tried to pretend that it wasn’t hurting by trying to maneuver through the apartment. He didn’t want to talk about it, he just wanted it to be fine.

She emerged from the bathroom wearing her pajamas to find him standing up near his dresser. “Baby, please sit down and-”

“I dont want to sit down!” he shouted. She pulled her head back at the sudden tone of his voice. His lips quivered as he looked towards Y/N. His eyes tearing up. “I just want,” he let out a huff of air.

“I know, I know,” she muttered as she took a small step towards him.

“I’m-I’m sorry. I’m sorry I shouldn’t-” he said as he started to cry. He had spent several hours holding it in but now looking at his own reflection and the future of his season it all came crumbling down. 

Her eyes widened as she walked towards him quickly. Her hand began gently rubbing circles along the center of his back as he clenched his fists and delicately hit them against the top of the dresser. He looked towards her and she met his eyes. “Honey,” she muttered as he turned his body to face her.

“I didn’t mean to yell,” he mumbled as he engulfed her in a hug.

“I know, Honey,” she mumbled against his chest, holding back her own tears. 

It was rare to see him show emotions. He was always good at keeping the way he felt inside but he was frustrated. Year after year, he could never catch a break. “Come lay down, it’ll feel better,” she muttered as she delicately looped her arms around the center of his back guiding him towards their bed. She helped him lay down onto his back before she climbed beside him. 

He rolled onto his side, unable to look her in the eye any longer. She slowly wrapped her arms around his chest, feeling the unsteady breathing. She ran her hands up and down his arm and his back. 

“It’ll be okay,” she mumbled, her voice cracking slightly, “Injured for the season or not, you’ll be okay,” she said as she pressed her lips to his upper back. He stayed quiet as her touch began to calm him down. 

~

The next morning, she woke up to Kirby slowly running his hand up and down her back. She took a deep breath as she rolled over to face Kirby. He smiled softly as he met her gaze. “How are you feeling?” she let out barely above a whisper. He shrugged slightly as he looped his arm around her waist.

“Getting a scan today,” he mumbled as he showed her his phone that was lying near the pillow. She rested her hand onto his arm as she inched closer to him. “It’ll probably need surgery,” he mumbled as he toyed with the end of her t-shirt. 

“You don’t know that,” she mumbled as her hand landed on his cheek. She ran her thumb across his cheek, the stubble of his beard scratched her hand slightly. 

“I can’t put pressure on it, Baby. Season’s done,” he muttered as he clenched his jaw.

“Then you’ll have one hell of a comeback,” she said as she tapped her hand against his cheek. He smiled softly as she leaned towards him and delicately pressed her lips against his. “Welcome back seventy-seven!” she said with an echo effect in her voice. He rolled his eyes playfully, “What a goal by Kirby Dach!” she continued.

“Enough,” he muttered before he kissed her urgently. “I’m glad you're here with me,” he said against her lips.

“Come on, handsome. Let’s get your comeback started now,” she muttered as she kissed him briefly. She stood up from the bed as she walked towards his side of the bed, “Do you need help?” she questioned. He shook his head as he sat up from the bed.

“I’m okay, Baby,” he mumbled as he started to stand up from the bed.

“Are you sure? Because I was thinking I could help you in the shower,” she mumbled as she widened her eyes slightly as she met his gaze. He raised his eyebrows as he pursed his lips forward.

“Now that I’m thinking about it, I could really use your help,” he pouted his lips forward as they wandered towards the bathroom together.

“Oh really?” she teased.

#kirby dach x reader #kirby dach imagines #kirby dach #nhl imagines #nhl #nhl x reader #nhl fic #hockey #montreal canadiens #montreal canadiens x reader #montreal canadiens imagines #cole caufield x reader #cole caufield imagine #cole caufield imagines #juraj slafkovsky

[the-s1lly-corner]

JONATHAN AND GN!READER AND THEIR ANTICS !!!!!!!

Antics w/ Jonathan and Reader!

I did a similar post yesterday!! (Linked at the end, hopefully, I'm mobile and sometimes tumblr can be weird)

I'm so so sorry it took my so long to get this request <\\3 I was trying to come up with new ideas so it could be different than the other ask <\3, which I highly recommend checking out! Imma be real I'm not totally confident in how this one turned out so that second post can be like an extra/make up <\3

I wasnt sure if you wanted this to be platonic or have them dating so!! It's mostly written as vague in that department!!

Jonathan doesn't strike me as the person who goes out and does things a lot

Just. Wake up, work, home, sleep, repeat.. he'll sometimes send texts to friends and family to schedule a lunch here and there but

That's about it, hes not very social

So a lot of these antics are really going to be made through you making the plans; with the shenanigans really being unplanned byproducts

Honestly I can totally see Jonathan starting shit with someone, be it accident or on purpose, prompting both of yall having to hightail it out of the area

Reminds me of that part from one of the diary of a wimpy kid movies, where greg n rodrick do that fake puke prank on the guy and have to make a run for it

Actually I can totally see yall subtly being menaces and fucking with people

Maybe not a fake puke prank persay but

Yk?

No crime stuff; I only really see that becoming a thing after he becomes Spot! Both from how he worded his whole "turning to a life of crime" thing and the fact he just

Lacks the experience and confidence

Moving on

Maybe it's just my "let's get silly with the writing" part of me, or it's my need for chaos (arguably the same thing), but

I feel like

Somehow, you guys would accidentally probably maybe kinda sorta

Wreak havoc in ways spot could only dream of (before doing the whole. Bouncing across the multiverse thing)

Yall could probably start the day wanting to go to some food truck and

End it by spending a night in jail

Neither of you are allowed anywhere near food trucks after that /j

No but serious note, Jonathan is basically a hermit, he doesnt like leaving his apartment unless he has to; people are just, so

Eeuuughchk!

So when you two hang out it's either his place or yours

But that's not to say it isnt fun!

Hes got normal stuff people have in their homes, like board games and consoles

And also science doohickies

Yeah people have that in their houses, that's a normal thing

Ngl if you give him any ideas for machines or whatnot hes totally going to give it a try

See previous post with a trans s/o, he would make the transgenderinator if you asked him to

Well now hes just turning into doof

Ykw

I feel like he'd take you to alchemax to show off stuff but like

If you asked nicely

How can he say no to that face?

And also he has no backbone

That's not to say you would pressure him, though! Because that's not cool, dont pressure people. But like, he would cave in the way of "I know it's not that serious and I know they'll probably understand if I say no, but I don't want to ever risk disappointing them ever in my life, so I'm gonna say yes!" Kind of way

He just like me frfr

And this is assuming you even know about alchemax

Which personally, unless you're in some way associated with it, I'm p sure be would have a strong boundary to keep you out of it

This is really just turning into a general ramble <\3

Anyways

I dont have many ideas since I struggle with general hcs like this but!! Yeah!! Definitely recommend the linked post for a better more cohesive (?) List of ideas and hcs!! This post kinda

Made me realize I dont have many hcs for Jonathan outside of making his personality a smart pathetic science man

Gotta fix that , give him some hobbies n stuff in the future

Link to a similar post!

#atsv spot #atsv #the spot #the spot x reader #spot x reader #jonathan ohnn #jonathan ohnn x reader

[meozerruumi]

Jelous Francis Mosses X fem reader

(the new neighbor was being flirty to you, whenever Francis comes over to talk or check on you, the neighbor would just pull you somewhere far from Francis, the neighbor has been doing this for the past month, the neighbor was being really touchy to you which made you uncomfortable but your too afraid to speak about it, but one day... francis had enough)

It was a friday evening, it was peaceful and quiet, while you were going up the rooftop, the flirty neighbor.. ( let's call him: Paul) wasn't around in the neighborhood, so you were very comfortable that paul wasn't around to annoy you or touch you...as you go up the rooftop, you hear a familiar voice... it was paul's voice, you quickly went down to go to your apartment, but paul noticed you and quickly grabbed your arm..." Oh good evening y/n..."crap he was grabbing your arm so tight.. no one was around outside of your apartment.... Francis isn't home yet..francis would usually take you away from paul whenever you get very uncomfortable... " O-oh good evening paul" you replied in a very soft voice... Out of no where, paul locked the door of your apartment... you were scared on what he is gonna do to you, paul was a playboy.. he will usually attract women and he will be abusive and a pervert... paul stared at you in a perverted way, you tried running to your room but he catched up and pushed you... " what the f-ck are you doin'.... Y/n, are you leaving me alone.!?" Paul shouted... At this point you were very scared, you hope francis would come early and stop this hella mess..." its nothing and no i-Im not leaving you...." you replied.. Paul saw you with tearful eyes and he grin..." I have an idea y/n... lets play a game, its very fun.." You tried standing up, but paul quickly grab your arm so tight.. Paul then took of his polo shirt and a smirk came down on his face..oh boy! He was gonna r@pe you for sure... you kicked him in the nuts and you left your room to go to your neighbors to get some help... Paul was laughing maniacally, he was a psychopath.. he then chased in the hallway.." Y/N LISTEN TO ME! YOU DONT NEED THAT STUPID ROOMATE OF YOURS, IM BETTER THAN HIM!" You were about to open the door... but francis came right on time... you then hid behind francis's back...Francis looking at you with complete confusion, you were sobbing asking him to stop Paul, Paul then came up to the living room where you and francis were on..." PAUL WHAT THE F×CK ARE YOU DOING IN MY APARTMENT!?" Francis shouted.. you never heard francis shout before, he is just usually a calm person,Paul was in shock after seeing francis in rage, hehs never seen him this angry before..

" Oh i was just giving pleasure to your little pet.. mosses!"

Paul replied while smirking..." I was just trying to see how good your pet" A pet????Paul was just playing you like a dog, he would just make sure that any woman he flirts will get good pleasure from him..Francis quickly calmed down , he then talked in a normal voice.. "get out of my apartment.. my roommate doesnt need your pleasure... i would pleasure her by my own Paul..." Paul left but before leaving he whispered to you "y/n im coming back for you..." he shut the door... Francis wiped off your tears and look at you with a gentle smile..." Did he do anything to you love?" You then replied with a scared voice.."he tried r@ping me.. and was trying to abuse me and treat me like a dog ..." Francis kissed you in the forehead.. it made you feel better for a moment..

You were comfortable around him..."H-hey francis were you serious about the pleasure thing on me.."you replied.... Francis was trying not to laugh after he heard that coming from your mouth.." yep..-, infact i can show paul.. that i can give you more pleasure than him.." in a hot voice.. you were turning into a tomato when he said it on a hot voice...before you two went to bed, he first bathe, meanwhile you were eating chips in the living room.. when you two are ready for bed.. your shared bedroom...you hug him tight while your face was in his chest... "Ohh Y/n..." he laughed softly... you turn off the light and you went to sleep... francis was still staring at you and then he gave you a gentle kiss on your cheek...Goodnight~♡

AHHH THIS TOOK ME 1.5 HOURS TO MAKE,THIS IS THE FIRST ONE I MADE YEYEYEYEYEYEEEEE,WELP SHOULD I MAKE PART 2??

#francis mosses #thats not my neighbor #jealousy #Francis mosses x yn #francis mosses x you

[vaguely-yandere]

When people add Stolkholm Syndrome into the Yandere/Darling conversation, I feel like it's always the, "My free will has been beaten into submission and my mind has been broken" sort of coersion.

Like the yandere is big and scary and violent, and eventually just for the sake of survival, you begin to kowtow to their whims until eventually Survival Mode becomes normal, and you lose who you were before.

But as we know, not all Yanderes are big and scary and violent.

I like to imagine the confidant yanderes. The ones who manipulate you until you really believe of your "own will" that they made your life better by kidnapping you. "Isn't this so much better than working a 9 to 5?" "You hated your coworkers anyway." "You can have anything you want. Isn't that worth your freedom?" Until all a Darling remembers about their old life is suffering and turmoil, and they find genuine comfort in their Yandere's arms. Their savior, their knight in shining armor, their prince, etc.

Then I like to imagine the pitiful yanderes. The puppies and kitties who can't live without you. They may have kidnapped you successfully, but their lives are falling apart. They bring you tv dinners, because they don't know how to cook for themselves. Their home is a mess while your room is spotless cuz taking care of you is the only thing they have the energy for. And you grow to know them, you can't stop your heart from growing feelings from them. You want to guide them, to mother them, to protect them. Until eventually you wind up as a caretaker to the person who vowed to take care of you. But it was a choice of your own, and even if you could escape, how could you leave them like this?

And finally I like to think of the sympathetic yanderes. The ones whose lives on the outside may be perfect, but they're empty. The only thing that brings them joy is you. And in them you see a reflection of yourself as your darkest time. Who hasn't lost a friend or a loved one? Who hasn't wracked their brain thinking of ways it could've gone differently? Who hasn't had the idea of wanting someone all to themselves, so that they could never leave you or grow tired of you...? These yanderes pull on your heartstrings until you understand them, and you yearn for their certified brand of twisted, obsessive love. Because it will never leave you. A constant, unending love... Who in their right mind would cast that aside? Then again, at this point, coudl you really claim to be in your right mind?

Idk, food for thought. :3c

oh... oh this is toxic..... i love it

yanderes who arent big. they arent physically intimidating. they dont work out, they cant lift a fucking car over their head, they dont have a death glare, nothing. they look so sweet, even their fake smile looks real. and really, these are the scariest because how the fuck could you live with yourself leaving someone who you know cant live without you? truly live without you! not just mentally but they would probably die if you left. they dont threaten it but you feel it. you know they wont survive without you. they rely on you emotionally, so much so that you go to bed bone deep exhausted every day.

and its not like a highschooler or groomer trying to get you to send nudes, no, theres no life threats, no death threats, no nothing. no threats of any kind... not verbally, at least. because thats too easy. you know how to spot that. its easy to detach yourself when theres a whiny, annoying, sad and pathetic voice whining about hurting themselves over the phone because you didnt wanna go into the bathroom for a quick nude (too niche?) but when you see it? see the way you talking to other people makes them feel worthless? see the way they pull away and detach themselves? see them crying more and more often? their romantic gestures slowly stop, they stop asking for kisses, theres barely any touching and you need them. you need them and you know youre using them too but at some point, you stop caring because it just feels so so good to be loved in such an unhealthy, obsessive way. it fills you to the brim, like tar, slow and thick and its warm. you know that if you leave now, you will never get this love again.

(remember kids! dont fuckin do that)

#yandere #asks #yandere x y/n #yandere imagines #obsessive yandere

[winters8child]

It´s been a long, long time Chapter 2

If I had to describe Bucky Barnes in three words, I would say hes charming, courteous and handsome. So would any other girl in our neighbourhood. The girls loved Bucky and Bucky loved the attention. He loved the cookies they baked him, he loved that they sewed on the buttons back onto his shirt. He loved the fact that they all got giddy when he passed them.

Who could blame him? He was a 14 year old boy after all. Steve and I would watch the girls fall over themselves, while we enjoyed the cookies Bucky did not care to eat. Sometimes Steve would get a certain look on his face, as if he thought to himself "If I just could get the fraction of that attention…". Which always made me sad, because Steve was one of the kindest souls I had ever met. On a particularly hot saturday the three of us were sitting outside of our building, trying not to melt into puddles. Just as I was about to go back inside, I spotted two girls, staring in our direction. I did not have to think twice, why that was.

Something in my stirred, something that I did not like. It reared its ugly green head and bit me in my heart. "Dont you get tired of it Bucky? Stringing them along?", I asked. He looked confused, because I had never commented on his little affairs. "Who said I was stringing them along? Maybe Im just looking for the love of my life?", he proclaimed. "Yeah right", I heard Steve mumbling under his breath. Bucky was getting kinda angry, which surprised me, because I had never seen him getting angry. "You are just jealous, thats all.", he said. I was caught me off guard,because all these months I had tried to not show any sign of jealousy. He was my friend after all, just my friend.

Before I could come up with an answer, Steve stood up and said "No Im not, I dont want to be like you, I just feel sorry for the girls. Thats it." and walked away. Bucky looked at me with an expression on his face, I could not decipher. Without a word, he made his way over to the girls and left me standing there. I spent the next days holed up in my room, reading or trying to more like. It felt weird, not to spend every waking hour with the boys. But I didnt want them to think that I was acting weird around Bucky. I assumed that spending a couple of days apart, might supress that ugly feeling of jealousy. I did not want to jeopardize our friendship, for a stupid crush. Because thats what it was. I was just like all the other girls, falling for his charm.

On the fifth day I heard a knock on my bedroom door. I assumed it was mom, needing some help in the kitchen. "Come in", I called. The door opend and revealed the exact person I was hiding from. "Hey, your mom let me in. I hope its ok", he stated. In that moment I noticed that, those days apart did not help at all. He was gorgeous as ever and I felt as stupid as ever. "Uhm yeah its ok, Im just feeling a little sick…so its better if you leave", I stuttered. "So you are not beeing weird?", he asked. "What? Me weird? No never, just sick is all.", I lied.

He seemed relieved, I felt like a fraud. "So we can hang out again? I mean when you feel better?", he asked. My heart made a jump at that thought, which made me almost jump, because I was afraid he could see right through my chest. "Yeah sure, I missed you…I mean you guys, Steve and you of course.", I replied. He smiled at that, put his hand on my shoulder and said "We missed you too, I would not want to be without my Lottie. My girl best friend".

Oh yes who would not want to be Bucky Barnes girl best friend.

#bucky barnes #steve rogers #marvel fanfiction #marvel #the avengers #sebastian stan #fanfiction

[5tr4ylov35t4y]

Dont get over me, Im here

pairing: chan x fem!reader genre: angst in the start,fluff,smut

warning: sadness, clingy chan, SEX...... sweet affirmations reader is scared of thunder

notes:my first real fan fic that i haven't deleted, havent checked my grammar

It's been a week since Chan and I broke up.He has been too busy to be with me, so i started feel lonely and depressed. i couldn't handle it so i broke up with him thinking it was for the better. But damn, do I miss those eyes of his. They used to hold so much adoration for me, but now they're just filled with sadness during his lives that I still watch to help me sleep. I didn't even realize how much he was doing for me until he was gone. He would always be up before me, leaving me a note to start my day with a smile, and he would come to bed after me because he was working on his new track. I miss our happy comforting dinners that we had once in awhile. Now I'm just eating dinner in silence.

For Chan, it was not doing him any good either. The bed would be cold, the apartment would always feel too empty… what was he supposed to do when all his jokes didn't make sense to other people because his other half was not there to laugh? Why did it have to happen so suddenly? Would it not have been easier, fairer for them to both fall out of love at the same time? (At least he thought you fell out of love.) That wasn't how it worked, of course, that would have been far too easy. For it to be mutual and comfortable. Chan had been hurt immeasurably. He did not argue and merely agreed that if y/n was not happy, then it would be best for them to end their relationship. But this was the end he thought, and it fucking hurt. He couldn't cooperate with life as well as he did when you were still together. He never went to sleep now, no matter how hard he did. He would reach over for you, but it was empty.

He didn’t get around to dropping your things off until the next weekend and you hadn’t messaged him asking what the hold up was, he likely didn’t dare The last thing you needed was to sound like his ex nagging him about shit.It was Saturday night, 9pm by the time Chan got away from work and it was pouring with rain. The typical cliche weather for dropping off personal items to someone who broke your heart, The boxes were going to be left on the porch and Chan was going to ring the doorbell and then bail. He wasn’t going to hang around hoping you would talk to him begging him to come inside because the weather was getting harsher.

Chan sat parked outside y/n's place with the engine off listening to the rain splattering hard on the roof of the car. he forced himself out of the car lugging a box through the torrential rain towards the white door. Setting the box down under the porch roof,A rumble of thunder growled above before a flash of lightning lit up the street, just as chan ringed the door bell the light died and the power failed. "fuck," chan said pushing back his hair he knocked on the door and went back to his car trying to start it but it didnt turn on.

chan went back to the door and knocked on the door His knock was near drowned out by the rain and thunder, but he pounded the door until it shook and just when he thought it was better to give up the door swung open and y/n threw herself into chan's arms, her face buried in his shoulder. crying as she said "chan im so scared please stay with me" his heart broke even more, he picked y/n up and walked in closing the door behind them. chan walked to y/n's room with her in his arms the bed was all messy and the sheets were tangled but he still sat on the bed while cuddling y/n when he spoke “I’ll be honest, I thought you already had someone else here with you.” Sure it might have upset y/n for chan to admit such a thing but it would, at least, take her mind off the storm. “I always knew you were one hundred per cent honest with me so I don’t know why I figured you were leaving me for someone else. You’d have told me if you were, I know that.” chan honestly told you

“I love you, chan. I can’t switch that off, I made the decision to leave because I was so lonely. I missed being with you, I missed us being together.” you told him Without thinking, chan leaned down and kissed you softly.“I’m sorry, I’m sorry I made you miserable. I’m sorry that it’s too late to realise it and fix it. I’ll stay until the storm is over and I promise you won’t hear from me again.” chan softly said into your hair “channnnn-, you’re so stupid. I love you so much.” you said right before you assaulted chan with kisses pressed all over his cheeks and forehead until chan had dissolved into laughter and you were just lying against him with your head in the crook of chan's shoulder.

While everything seemed to be genuinely perfect at that moment, chan still needed to know what was going on because it felt the same way as it had when they first got together.

Unfortunately, his question went unasked as the storm, which had seemed to calm for a moment, picked up with renewed energy and the rain battered the windows, the glass rattling from the force and y/n tensed in his arms.

“Stay, stay with me until the storm blows over.”

“Then what?”

“Stay until the next one.”

“What if the next one never comes?”

“Then you can never leave.”

“Okay.”

chan started to leave kisses on your face as his hand went to your hip" are we back together/" he asked softly 'there has to be some ground rules first chan"

His glossy eyes stared into yours. His eyes were filled with hope. “yes love tell me."

Placing your hand on top of his, you began to speak.

“You need to come home every night. You can’t continue to be at work 24/7. You’re already exhausted and you’re just hurting yourself. I’d also like to see you. I don’t want to keep coming home to an empty house.”

Chan nodded, the ghost of a smile could be seen on his lips.

“H-how about…” He began to say.

“Hm, what is it?” You asked.

“How about I try to make up a little for the time I missed out with you tonight?”

You looked at him with curious eyes, “Yeah, and how are you going to do that?” A smile was heard in your voice.

Chan showed you what he meant the moment his hands began to slide down the waistline of your pants. He looked at you with big eyes.

“I know it’s not much but I want to do something at least. If it’s ok with you, of course.”

Rotating your neck, you leaned in to give him a kiss on the cheek. “I would love that.”

With your permission, Chan slid off your joggers, followed by your panties. He grabbed them and tossed them near the foot of the bed.

You spread your legs open wider to give him better access. His warm hand traveled down your mound. You always melted at his very touch. His touch was safe and warm. Each time he touched you it sent shivers down your spine.

Dipping his fingers past your slit, he sought out your clit. Placing a gentle touch onto it, he began to move his finger causing you to whine.

“Does it feel alright baby?” He asked as he continued to tease your sensitive bud.

Softly squirming, you responded in a breathy tone, “Mm it’s so nice Channie. F-feels good.”

“Good.” He breathed out in relief. All he wanted to do was pleasure you, to make you feel his love from his touch. He softly attached his mouth to your neck as he continued to play with you. Starting from your earlobe, he began peppering soft kisses down your neck. He could hear the soft breaths you let out at every kiss. Chan continued to plant kisses slowly down your shoulder.

“Whatever my baby wants.” He stuck a second finger into you causing you to mewl.

“Fucking love your fingers Channie! They’re so t-thick.”

Moving his fingers, he began to fuck them in and out of you, “Yeah baby? You like my fingers?”

“Mhm!” you nodded, your head already going hazy.

“You’re just sucking them in, aren’t you?” He said, teasing you.

“Yes!” You cried out.

“Good girl.”

Chan simultaneously fucked his fingers in you as he sucked on your neck. His touch felt amazing, absolutely loving that all his attention was on you and making you feel good.

“Chan.” You breathed out, “I’m almost there!”

“Mm, come on baby, come for me.”

You let go the moment you heard his words, keening as he fucked you through your orgasm. Your muscles clenched as you split all over his fingers.

“You did so good.” Chan whispered into your ear as you fell onto the pillow.

Laying down beside you, you were both face to face with each other. Chan looked at you, smiling at your sleepy expression.

“I love you so much.” Chan said as he raked his fingers through your hair once.

“I love you too Channie.” You whispered out before you fell to sleep.

Chan stared at you for a bit, he admired how beautiful you were. He was so lucky to be loved by someone like you. you have no idea just how much he's head over heels for you. It's like he's under your spell or something.

#stray kids x reader #bang chan x y/n #stray kids #bang chan #fanfic #skz x reader #chan x y/n #smut smut smut

[crplpunkklavier]

I was about to send an ask about the exercise thing lmao - I have ehlers danlos, and a lot of people with EDS also have fybro. I was also told by many, many doctors "have you tried exercising??" and I was always like. Yes, it makes me feel worse after I'm done. And that's not counting the little accidents, like subluxating my shoulder doing pushups or tripping and twisting my ankle while walking.

So I absolutely understand anons frustration because it feels like they just... aren't listening to you after a while.

I was blessed to find a doctor with a team who's a specialist in chronic pain, specially in EDS and fybro... So I was absolutely gutted when one one of the doctors looked at me and told me to exercise. But the thing is.

This time, they didn't leave it at that! They had a physiotherapist give me a list of very light (like, surprisingly light, I never expected that to even count as exercise) exercises, taught me how to do them and they actually helped.

So yeah the thing is that most doctors will just go "meh do some exercise" and let you hurt yourself doing them instead of offering you ANY guidance on what to do.

yes exactly!! exactly!! aw i hope anon sees this, hopefully its a bit uplifting

when the weather is nice and i have the time and energy to be outside i do nordic walking, which i believe isnt very widespread outside of europe, and here its one of those ~old-people sports~ but thats often exactly what you wanna look for when your joints are fucked. i also do a lot of cycling because its great for the knees, and i realize im privileged to have the money and space for a bike trainer in my apartment (although if anyone here needs equipment i urge you to check ebay, you may find gold one day) but its been such an easy way to get my stamina up, to regulate my energy, to make sure i dont sit in my own pain juices all day

and the mood improvement!!! my god.

i am really happy that someone finally helped you find the exercise that works for you. ive gotten really passionate about this topic in the last year or so lol. i have been to a few horrible physical therapists, but i have also been to some really great ones, and i really cant recommend PT enough to anyone who's looking to move past the "have you tried exercise" bs

i wish med professionals were better with this, we shouldnt have to do so much of this alone. so yeah i also fully understand the frustration. keeping at it and trying things until they felt good was really worth it though :]

#kermit-lover #'have you tried exercising' and leaving at that is like asking me if ive tried meds and then being shocked when im like #yeah weirdly the nasal spray didnt help with my lumbar spine

[indigo474]

31:00~~2/10/24~~

I ran my 2nd 5 k today and managed to run 3 minutes and 26 seconds faster than last time.. l'm not even sure how that is possible.. it must be the hills. i am so proud of myself and again amazed. a tiny tiny voice tells me i could have done better.. maybe... Madison came wiht me for support. I saw people there alone so next time I wont bother her to come with me, unless she wants to of course. I wish i had someone to celebrate with. i'm thankful for Maddy.. I'm thankful for a lot but still wish i had someone. i thought a lot today about how my divorce was/is the single best thing that has ever happened to me. I thought about how i hate hate hate how people say ohh sorry for your divorce. I thought about how it would have been a shame for me to not be the person i am today and how much i have learned and grown and healed. i thought about how i wish i had left sooner .. i dont let myself go too fr down that trail. I left and thats all that matters.. all these great things. Me- i dont know if i will ever be use to this life and these feelings of happiness.. when i laugh, i laugh.. joy. i did not have that or feel that for a lot of years and the last thing i wanted was to really feel anything because none of it was any good and now.. now.. peace. Peace.. and love. Madison is sweet to me. she knows i eat an apple a day and when she shops she has been making sure to buy apples. when we lived in our apartment she would always make sure to leave the outside light on for me.. i hate walking up to a dark house.. ptsd from Chatham. If he turned the automatic light off i knew i was in trouble. sooo.. i guess i'll keep running..

I am not a game player. Its just not my natural state. Pam has issue. Deep seeded trauma from her childhood.. its so obvious to me. the way she talks and her need to be liked and seen as cool and the way she tries to manipulate the people around her. She's smart but not intelligent. So, whatever.. i'm not friends with any of them.. there's one supervisor i kind of like, she was my first supervisor when i started.. and she is weird. None of it matters. I'm working from home tomorrow. I didnt get nearly enough sleep last night. I didnt want to get out of bed this morning. i tried to be nice to my Mom this week, i was being kind and supportive and she can not accept love because she does not love herself . she hates herself and doesnt think she deserves kindness or love and that is not my problem. do i love myself enough to be able to receive love?

I spoke to my manager in regards to the very important meeting she missed. She claims to have wanted to be there but it was thrown together last minute and she was not made aware of the time. Drew was in charge of the timing. Drew is always in charge of the meeting times and he sucks at it. I pretty much said that to her but in a professional way. its taken a year but his scheduling skills infuriate me. people pretty much do what benefits them. Drew has a attitude about people leaving work at 5.. he feels we should all stay later. He is late to work everyday and it benefits him to stay later so misses the rush hour traffic. ive stayed late in the past to accommodate him. I'm not doing that anymore. I get to work early almost every day. I am not staying later than i have to. I feel like he doesnt value other peoples time. he's called me 2 x in 2 days while i wasn't work.. he called me today while i was in walmart talking nonsense.. i got a new rep who is a total idiot. he never should have made it out of training and Drew is acting like he's been on team for a long time and what am i going to do about him. He's been on my team for less than 20 hrs- he was on Drew's team for 90+ days- how and why did this guy become my problem when he has been a problem all along.

I'm going to read the Bhagavad Gita- maybe finish it. I have been sleeping a little too good.. through the night good. the funny thing about work is none of it matters.. we can all be replaced tomorrow and that place would still go on. I shouldn't let it stress me out. i woke up with my period today. silence is beautiful. You're doing a great job April.. keep going! Good night

.

[coccyodynia]

things:

this one is gonna be all over the place bc there's a lot of things i haven't dealt with yet or even acknowledged but i need to do something with them so weird tumblr post it is!

i haven't slept well in months for a number of reasons (ornery cat, back pain etc) and its really catching up to me

my health is still very much in flux but i am very very broke and cannot afford my health insurance and/or co-pays so i've basically stopped pursuing any kind of treatment/appointments for now, just trying to deal with the pain as much as i can :/

i am still without a dayjob and thats gonna become a problem very quickly :/

im getting back into the habit of making art on a more regular or consistent basis, which i am happy about!!

since i quit my job i've had a noticeable improvement in my moods, overall outlook and depression symptoms. a lot of people around me (therapist, parents, grandma, friends) have made comments about how they've noticed this

i've been working really hard on my coping skills and other inner-work to improve my life and relationships and it's really working i think, so i'm happy about that

my apartment is looking a lot better, usually when my depression/moods are really bad my kitchen becomes pretty much unusable, but since i've been more free to focus on things in my life i've been keeping it cleaner and i'm happy about that too

the semester started a few weeks ago, and im enjoying my class/students! im really excited about the rest of the semester and to see what my students make

i had a tarot reading that kind of blew my mind last weekend and i'm still sort of reeling from it tbh

she spoke a lot about my inner turmoil and the past, and being content with a found family (at least that's how i interpreted it) in my future, while having a strong support system presently

interestingly she never said much of anything at all about relationships outside of that, which i took to heart

i've sort of always believed i would never have a life partner/long-term relationship, but instead the universe would continue passing people through my life on timelines appropriate to how these relationships serve me

i think people like lillian and kym will always be around for sure, but my life has shown a pretty consistent pattern of people being introduced to my life at a time when i desperately needed someone and slowly removing them from my life when i learned what i needed to learn (mannie, reid, michael, justin, henry, so on and so forth)

i know that this is what's happening with justin and on one hand i'm understanding of that, on the other hand i'm very upset about it

i really dont know where he and i stand right now, he's in a new job and trying to spend more time with his kid, so he's less available to talk/hang

it really hurts, because he really did save my life in some form or fashion, and to have that comforting presence slowly disappear has been incredibly difficult

i've really been avoiding talking about this with anyone, like my therapist and closest friends because i am not sure how i will handle the grief once i let myself really accept it/deal with it

last night Lil asked me "how are things with justin?" and i gave some weird vague response like "not sure, i'll tell you when i figure it out"

her followup question, after a slight pause, was: "are you okay?"

i had to laugh because obviously no i'm not okay with this but i dont have a choice, so i'm handling it as well as i can - but i told lil that i probably am not handling it as well as i should

i got very drunk the other night and had an incredibly bad time, sobbing hysterically and screaming basically, bc i am so tired of people just coming and going from my life

my notes app on my phone is just full of one-liners about this bullshit and i feel like a stereotype, moreso than usual

one-liners include:

"people would rather leave than extend the grace i offered them from the start"

"it only hits me sometimes, but i feel it every fucking day"

"found rotten at the root, i am being picked clean"

"people just move on, they move on and forward at a clip and im still here - still here still here still here - no matter how far i move, im still stuck here"

so im not in a great headspace about all of this

but i am at least doing better handling it than i might have been 6 months ago tbh

literally anyway...

last night i had a dream that featured reid and erin and cobb

we used to be the 'dream team' back in high school & college

the dream was weird and i don't fully remember the plot but i do remember waking up very sad and confused

i dont associate with them at all anymore and that might be for the best

but somehow reid keeps coming up in my dreams, i had one the other week where they asked me "is this separation working for you? it's not working for me" basically asking to come back into my life

my response in the dream was "i dont think about you at all anymore" which isn't entirely true obviously, but i've definitely moved on quite a bit

it's almost exactly 2 years since they left my life (sept 24), so i'm sure that's why this is coming up in my dreams

but that also means it's been almost exactly 2 years since i last self harmed (oct 3) and i'm glad about that

when i reached 1 year clean from SH back in 2022 i told justin that i wasn't sure who to talk to about it, since the person i usually told was the reason it happened in the first place

and justin was very very supportive, kind and reassuring

i'm really sad that i'm not sure he would be anymore

i have a little more capacity to handle these kinds of things now that ive quit my job that made me suicidal

but i still want to have that extra support, extra care and i don't know how to have that need met, if that makes sense

idk im just low-key sad underneath everything and all of the progress i've made. its just that im not using drugs or self-medicating to deal with it

idk bye

#things

[mgsdelta]

im really annoyed with people trying to tell me that im not leftist enough because im moving out of texas when i should be staying and fighting. i cant. i dont know what to tell you but like i literally cannot go outside without fearing for my life. im mentally ill with symptoms that have been WAAAY aggravated by this shit. im physically disabled. how the fuck am i supposed to fight

i have to be in a place where i can feel safe before i can put up a fight that would mean fucking anything. right now i hardly leave my apartment. im not doing anything of use i cant bring myself to go out and protest i cant even stand for that long. why would i be shamed for taking care of myself. you think i dont know that theres other people that cant leave? you think i dont want to help them? thats such bullshit. you should know that as soon as im in a place where i can get out of bed in the morning and go outside without fearing being attacked that i will be doing everything i can to assist those that are still trapped. fuck you for thinking less of me for doing something thatll prevent me from fucking killing myself. you dont know me you dont know what im thinking or feeling and you dont know my plans. me leaving the state that i was born in and grew up in for the entire 23 years of my life isnt some pleasant getaway i have to do this or i will fucking die. it fucking sucks. this is my HOME. i dont want to leave it any more than people dont want to stay.

so if you wanna tell me im a piece of shit for leaving then i really dont know what to tel you. im so fucking tired of hearing this shit. i have to be able to take care of myself before i can take care of other people. i have to keep telling myself that because i see videos and posts and shit saying otherwise. you think i wont fucking fight?? i WILL. but i have to not be on the verge of death first. you want the fight to go somewhere right? you want it to be productive? well thats how that happens. your fighters have to be able. and i am not. i understand that i’m lucky to be able to move (im not even able yet, we have to get more money together and like i said im disabled and cant work so its my gf and best friend scraping by while im the homemaker), and i dont disagree. i know there are people that dont have that option. and i want to be able to be there for them. but if i cant even take care of myself what am i supposed to do for others?

this is the first time ive made such a big decision to uproot my entire life leave my entire family and go to an entirely new locale. i only know one singular person there. i wouldnt do this if i didnt have to. but even before all of this legislation and shit i shouldve done this forever ago for my mental state. this has been a long time coming this is just the straw that broke the camels back. and im tired of being told that for once im taking action in bettering my life and im a piece of shit for it. its just ableism wrapped up in some shiny new ribbon. its not like im an ablebodied fuckin neurotypical queer person moving because the new laws are “icky.” this is some shit that has me thinking abt being checked in to a facility but i dont even feel safe doing that because theyll have records of me. there is so much more to consider on the individual basis that people dont consider when thwyre putting out posts saying like “no lol stay and fight!!!” like I CANT. if you can, then GOOD and we NEED MORE LIKE YOU. but i am not one of those, as badly as i fucking wish i could be. i wish i could be.

#слова-паразиты

[slimylittlemaggot]

Have another thingy I wrote for X! Just a short little bit. Hope you like it!

Anthony asked to come into my tent, and after I let him in he sat down cross cross apple sauce and surprisingly seemed at a loss for words. I stared at him intently. Eventually, I noticed that the silence got awkward (It tended to get difficult to distinguish silence when that's all you can remember.) But Anthony beat me to the punch before I could say anything.

"So, what's your name? I dont believe I caught it."

At that, I flinch noticeably. What is my name? It seems like something I should have noticed before, the fact that I couldn't even tell you my name anymore, but it hit me in that moment. I really don't know, do I? I tug self consciously at the tag at my ear. Wait, my tag. It says X Y on it, maybe it has something to do with my name? "You can call me X." I quite liked the sound of that. A name all to myself.

The conversation seems to stall as he gathers himself, and I take the opportunity to ask the question that has been eating away at me since he got here.

"So, can you actually see me or is this some cruel joke?" I asked hesitantly. I sat as far away from him as possible, and massaged my knuckles absentmindedly.

He had the odasity to look surprised at that. "Why wouldn't I be able to see you? Just because other people ignore you doesn't mean you're invisible." Oh. Oh, now I got it. He didn't realize I was, in fact, dead. He quickly continued before I could interrupt, "Listen, I want to help you out. I know of some fantastic girls shelters. I could get children services. You can't live on the street, and I would like to be the person to help you get off it." Wow. He really didn't have any idea.

I hesitated, almost reaching out to touch him just to reassure myself that I could actually feel his hand, when I spoke. "You do know I'm dead, right? As in, ghost? They don't ignore me, they just don't know I exist." I looked up at him, noticed him getting ready to interrupt, and promptly reached out to the nearest blanket and made my hand go straight through the fabric. His face noticeably paled.

He took several moments to unfreeze before he started to hyperventilate, quickly scrambling for any explanation he could come up with. "I thought you were some some homeless kid, how did you do that?" He threw his hands in the air, gesturing wildly before continuing, "you shouldn't be able to do that. I'm dreaming. Or hallucinating. Or I'm drunk. Either one of those, so I will go home and figure this out." He got up and tried to leave, but I grabbed his wrist to keep him.

God, it burned. Every touch, every bit of warmth felt like it scalded me. To actually feel, god, it was worth it just to know that is it was real, I was real, I wasn't just some illusion someone made up in their head. "Please, don't go. It's been so long since someone has last talked to me, heck, since I've last been seen." I pleaded, voice wobbling slightly. I swallowed down the need to cry, it wouldn't help. I'd done enough of that when people first settled down around me. I had screamed, cried, begged just to see if anyone would react. Of course, they didn't.

He sat back down. Anthony wrung his hands together. "You're lucky I don't have work today. It's pretty late. If it would make you feel better, you can come back to my apartment and we can figure this out tomorrow. You can talk to me about," he gestures vaguely in my direction, "this whole situation. Sound good, yeah?" I hesitate, what if the thing is supposed to happen tonight? But ultimately I nod. One night wouldn't hurt, right?

After leading me off to his apartment, he heads off to bed. Ultimately I don't need sleep, so I just set about exploring the apartment. Fairly small stereotypical New York apartment. He had a decent couch, though, so I settled on it as I watched the rain pour down outside. Maybe something I could do something other than wait.

Bonus!

Anthony's pov

I woke up in the middle of the night. After a few minutes of staring at the ceiling, I looked at the clock by my bed. Great, 3am. Terrific. My brain felt fuzzy, the remnants of sleep threatened to drag me back down. My throat felt dry and itchy, and I looked over at my nightstand expecting to see a cup of water. For some reason, the water was not there.

With a groan, I dragged myself to my feet and stumbled out to the kitchen to get some water. I clumsily opened the cupboard and grabbed a cup, and then proceeded to fill it with tap water. I chugged it as quickly as I could, turned to go back to bed when something on the couch caught my eye. Was that a person?! I grabbed a knife and approached as quietly as I could, adrenaline suddenly coursing through my veins. The figure turned to look at me, and I stabbed them through the eye, oH SHIT THAT PHASED THROUGH THEIR FACE-

Oh. Right. Ghostly homeless child. My bad.

#original oc #character backstory #short story #original character

[justcallmedust]

Saturday night ... I think I left a blurb about this already but I just remembered something...

He came in drunk, kneeled on the couch nd jammed his knee into my back while I was sleeping, scaring me awake. It was around 2 am. He was asking, then demanding I come into the bedroom with him because he sleeps better if I lay there next to him while he falls asleep, like a toddler. He did the whole thing, leaning into me pressing his face into mine and growling spitting at me. Ripped my blanket off of me and tossed it all the way out into the mudroom onto the mat everyone wipes their dirty shoes on. He then proceeded to tell me that he pays for me and I have to do what he says. He repeatedly asked me, while laughing maniacally, ‘how much money have you contributed to the house in the last 3 months?’ (which is exactly how long its been since I left my job). No answer was ok, and any sylable I uttered was instantly met with him yelling “see see, it’s nothing you contribute nothing”. There is no right way to deal with him when he is like this, I have to just take the abuse until he fizzles himself out and eventually falls asleep. 

4 years ago, when he forced me to go back to work even though my kids still actively needed me there, I thought maybe he will change his thoughts about me. I quickly learned that would never happen, I dont even understand how I thought it would.. I mean he has been abusive to me for so many years, why would he stop? So, I thought I’ll just work really hard and make enough to leave him. No matter how much I tried to save, it didnt matter because once he bought this house and we finally moved I had to spend all my savings on renting a truck and big things that needed fixing. Of course, just months after we moved everything got shut down and I was instantly losing money because the store had to close early and like most people I could not come in any earlier. Pair that with his inability to work with anyone and constantly switching jobs because ‘everyone else on the planet is an asshole’.. and even before gas prices rose we were just scraping by. Even though I had legit burnout and needed to seperate myself from that toxic work environment, the gas eventually made it a complete loss to keep driving there. Despite that, I probably would not have left if my daughter didnt get sexually assaulted by her boyfriend IN OUR HOUSE while I was at work and that man was outside somewhere doing his own thing, not paying a damn bit of attention to the vulnerable teenagers left alone inside the house. Nothing on earth will convince me to leave them alone again. I dont care how old they are, they deserve to feel safe in their own home.

Of course, how safe can they really feel when their father is a flaming abusive alcoholic who is constantly keeping everyone up at night with his bullshit? I vote for at least keeping them physically safe.. but that leaves me vulnerable. 

Funny thing is, he kept telling me to leave the job because it would allow him to be able to work longer and not have to rush back and be a ‘prison guard’ for his kids. He also really appreciated all of the household chores, I was not able to keep up with the entire time I worked there, actually getting done.

He also forgets how he made me lose my job when our oldest daughter was born. He was completely unable to care for her and when I went back to work he called during every shift and demanded I come home... even though it was my pay that supported us.

Conveniently, he has forgotten that I was an ebay seller which always brought in enough to cover food costs. When one of our kids turned out to be allergic to everything under the sun .. including disposable diapers .. I had to make laundry detergent and cleaning products. I made and then eventually opened 2 online shops selling cloth diapers - which more than covered the costs of diapering 3 children. That is no small thing. Most of this I did while renting an apartment without laundry facilities.. in fact, the entire town didnt even have a laundromat. So I also had to truck 3 or 4 kiddos with me to the laundromat 3 towns over at least twice a week, just to wash diapers. I’d call that a fucking huge thing.

I know I dont need the validation, but I forget these things and I need to keep reminding myself. The mental damage he has done to me over the years is criminal. 

I have to find a way out of this.

[poppy-metal]

Demure

Wc: 4k

Pairing: eren jaeger x reader

Cw: car sex, fingering, emphasis on reader being innocent and a virgin. reader is armins little sister. corruption kink

you're 6 years old when you first meet eren jaeger. apparently he'd run off some people that were bullying you big brother, armin. you admire him and mikasa immediately.

you're 8 and he's 11 when you get a scrape on your knee from playing tag. eren runs into your mothers bathroom to fish out the first aid-kit, you know he just doesn't want you to tattle, you never would anyway, but he pulls out a pink band-aid with little ariels all over it and places it gently over the cut. he stays there for a few beats, soothing the skin around the hurt area with his thumbs. his big bright green eyes look up at you, "better?" and that's the first time your heart skips for a boy.

you're 11 and he's 14 when armin starts becoming protective. "he's had like. 5 girlfriends in middle school, who knows what he's gonna be like in high-school"

it intrigue you, for some reason.

you're 13 and he's 16 when he taps furiously on your window at night, wild eyed and wearing a t-shirt and sweats. he falls ungracefully on his ass when you let him in, though he grins at you from the floor. "thanks, squirt"

you wince at the nickname, knowing it solidifies you as someone only platonic to him. armins little sister and nothing more. "what's this all about?"

he gets up and swipes imaginary dust off his sweats, looking around your room. its absurdly girly. he picks up one of your plushies and tosses it up, then catches it, peering over at you and grinning. "i hope you never change," he sighs and flops down onto your pink sheets. "girls my age are fucking psychos"

you creep closer to him, snatching your plush back. "im sure there's something you're leaving out there. im not completely dumb, you know"

he waves his hand, "yeah but you're....i don't know? innocent or whatever. you don't care about shit like boys and drama"

i do care about boys, you think, watching the way his shirt rides up to expose a hint of tan skin. you look away, squeezing your plush to your chest. "im gonna grow up eventually, ren"

he sighs and sits up, looking at you from under his ridiculously cute floppy brown hair. "Just promise me you won't go boy crazy"

you roll your eyes and sit down next to him, he leans in and licks a broad stripe against your cheek with his tongue, grinning "we have cooties"

you swat at him and wipe your cheek, groaning and calling him gross. "i know that. you and armin never let me forget how gross boys are", you side eye him. "what did you even do? really?"

he looks to the side, only now having it in him to look the least bit sheepish, "my girlfriend may have caught me with my hand down historias skirt..."

"EREN JAEGER!!!"

yeah, boys really are gross. but not eren, no he's beautiful and magical and makes you feel all the fluttery things. but he's also a player, a bad boy, dangerous and completely off limits. maybe your crush should have ended there, but of course it didn't.

You're 15 when you go on your first date with a boy. until now you haven’t allowed yourself to even think about men outside of the enigma that is eren jaeger, but that’s a lost cause, a stupid crush you need to let go of. and despite what eren thinks, you’re not that innocent. not in your head anyway. you’re a girl and you have fantasies. 

the guy is nice, armin likes him enough. big and tall and humble, reiner brought you flowers for your first date. the age difference is a little weird, he’s in erens grade, a senior, but you think its harmless. you’re turning 16 soon. the date goes well, you smile and giggle alot, and reiner seems smitten by the end of it. he even goes as far as to kiss your hand when he drops you back off at home, at 8pm sharp, just like he promised. he was kind and sweet, and you liked him, but you wonder what it means that there were no flutters in your belly, not like when you’re around him…

you’re still thinking about that when you open the door, and walk inside. the house is quiet, and you wonder where armin is, and eren. thinking they both must be in armins room, you go to the kitchen to get a glass of water, stopping on your path there when you see eren on the couch. he’s lounging back, hand idly wrapped around a gaming controller as he watches you.

you glance around him. “where’s mimmin?”

he doesn’t take his eyes off you. “annie called”, he leans forward a little, propping his chin in his palm as he observes you quietly for a moment.

you squirm in place, his eyes are too hot. “oh” and you make to start moving again but his voice stops you. 

“so. braun, huh?” his tone is hard to discern, the words coming out cool and detached, but his eyes are that intense green. 

“yeah” you say, shifting on your feet. “he was nice. kissed my hand and everything”

“sounds like a dream” and that is definitely said sarcastically. you bristle but eren is already turning away from you, facing the TV. “didn’t think he was your type though” 

because erens been your type since forever, you guess he’s right. reiner couldn’t be more different in both personality and looks, but maybe that’s a good thing. “maybe he can be” you say softly, looking at your feet. you dont see erens eyebrows jump, or his lips twist disdainfully. 

“If you wanna settle for missionary the rest of your life, then sure, go ahead” he sounds a little miffed and that confuses you. makes you look up. you don’t even know reiner that well, but you feel the need to defend him from erens usual snarky jabs. 

“not every guy that doesn’t live on Xbox and fuck half the school is a bland guy” you huff. you feel a little guilty for calling him out but he started it. eren hated preps, that was obvious, but its not like he was a model person either, if his long track record of promiscuity was anything to go by. reiner wasnt boring he just…..wasn’t eren. but that wasn’t a flaw. It shouldn’t be. 

“you been keeping tabs on me, princess?” eren asks wryly, smirking now. you just glare at him, quirking a brow and daring him to prove you wrong, to say he’s better. 

he doesn’t. he just looks at you, sets his controller down and does that tick he’d developed since he was young of jiggling his knee, tapping his finger on it. “don’t go on more dates with him” 

you squint your eyes, “and why not?”

“because i said so” 

“you’re not my boss” 

“because..” he scratches the stubble on his jaw, gaze looking far off as he stares at his bouncing leg. “guys shouldn't touch you” 

your mouth pops open. you get that, right now, you’re too young for stuff like sex, but being touched? everyone your age had boyfriends, why should you be any different?

It feels a bit like deja vu when you tell him, “m’not staying innocent forever. dating and s-sex are apart of life. you do it, why shouldn’t i?” 

you didn’t really get his whole overprotective bit, armin, who was your brother, wasn’t even this bad. he’d seen happy almost, when you told him about your date with reiner, even, so you really don’t see where eren is coming from. 

erens lip curls in a smirk and he points a finger at you. “that’s why” he says. “you can’t even say the word sex without stuttering. what’ll you do when you see a cock for the first time?” 

your skin heats, hating that he’s right. “I’ll grow out of it” you promise him. 

he huffs a laugh. “sure thing, dork” but then his face gets serious. “you don’t need to change though. sex is lame, i promise.” 

“you seem to have alot of it, so there must be something good about it” 

“for me, yeah” he grins. “but im selfish. most men are, and you deserve better than some highschool tumble with a guy who looks like he can’t find the clit to save his life” his eyes weigh you down. “just keep bein’ you. If i come back from college and hear that you’re the towns tramp stamp, m’ not gonna be happy” 

and that’s that. 

you’re 16 when eren leaves for college. you get to 18 without ever being touched. 

you’re 18 and you wish you hadn’t begged armin to let you come to this stupid bomfire party. it’s just the first time he’s been home in the 2 years since he’d left for college, and you know that means eren is back too, though you have yet to see him. he’s supposed to be at the party though.

you wonder if he’ll react to having seen you after not for awhile, if he’ll look at you different now that you’re grown. you’re wearing a simple pleated white skirt and a pink top, the picture of innocence you’ve always been, never changing. 

being around so many people makes you uncomfortable, you want to cling to armins side, but you don’t want to be annoying so you tell him its okay to leave you. your eyes scan the mass of people on the crowded beach as you nervously hold your solo cup to your chest. 

your eyes stop their nervous skittering when they land on someone familiar. 

college eren is completely different and yet wholly the same since you’d last seen him. he’s wearing a red bomber jacket, over a black t-shirt and skinny jeans, scuffed converse kicking in the sand as he shifts from one foot to the other. you peep tan skin, a hint of a tattoo peeking on his neck and….and black hair. he’d dyed his hair, and, is that jewelry on his ear? rings on his hand?

he’s smiling easily with a pretty blonde and...and reiner. talking to them like old friends as he tilts his head back and laughs, taking a swig from his cup. he’s still chuckling and shaking his head when his eyes flick distractedly over, rove over you and then stop. even from all the way where you are the green of his eyes pins you in place. the warm glow of the bonfire dances across his features, and you see the bastard has a lip ring as well. he takes his time cataloging you and you do him, before his lips tilt, he hands off his drink and he makes his way over to you. 

your whole body is tense with nerves as he gets closer and closer.

when he’s standing in front of you, the smell of his cologne wafts over you. his smile is small and genuine. “hey, pip” 

pip as in short for pipsqueak. you have to fight the urge to grin at him, your cheeks warming pleasantly, even though you groan out loud. “m’ not little anymore” 

“I can see that” eren eyes rake over you, linger on your bare legs before dragging slowly back up. his eyes feel like a caress and when they meet yours again, you’re already tingly. you’ve never been touched sexually, and just one look from eren has you wet between the legs like nothing. “still dress like you wanna be an extra in a Bratz commercial” 

the tension disputes as you swat his arm. “shut up!! Its a fashion choice, not like you’d know. dressed like a wannabe rockstar” 

“aw, c’mon. you’d be my groupie right?” 

you roll your eyes. “you wish, jaeger”

“mm” he hums softly. “s’cute though. always has been” 

before you can even register the compliment, he’s leaning forward to peek into your cup, swiping it easily from you. “underage drinking, are we? left you for a couple years and you go rebel barbie on me” 

you squawk as he chugs all of your drink back in one gulp, crushing the cup in his fist and tossing it behind him. “ren! I wasn’t even drinking it. It was..” you wave your hand around. “for the aesthetic”

“uh huh” he drones, but then he jerks his chin. “i’ll get you another one to stand around and look pretty with then. C’mon”

cute, pretty. the compliments are gonna make your heart fly out of your chest if he doesn’t let up. you follow him as he leads you to a keg, one that’s a little ways away from the bustle of the party, close to the parking lot where you came in. 

you shyly say ‘thank you’ when he fills you a cup and hands it to you, proceeding to lean back against a car as he goes back to observing you.

to distract yourself you mumble, “you can’t just lean on a strangers car for the sake of being cool” 

the grin is back. “you think im cool?” when you glare at him he rolls his eyes and slaps the hood of the car. “she’s mine, pip. you can untwist your panties” 

you blink at him, “since when did you get a new car? and when did you dye your hair?” 

he looks at you curiously, drumming his fingers. “do you not, like. follow me on instagram?”

you look away, kicking your feet in the sand. hesitantly you admit, “didn’t wanna miss you, so i didn’t look” 

he doesn’t say anything to that. the silence stretches between you, making you nervous. should you not have said that? you guessed it was weird, after all, but it was true. If you’d looked at how erens life was progressing without you there to see it, you’d have cried and been a total lovesick girl about it. 

he finally breaks the silence. “do you have a boyfriend?” 

you look back at him. “uh...no? do you?”

the smirk you wanted ghosts over his lips again, and your eyes are drawn to his lip ring when he tugs it between his teeth. “nah, you know me. unattainable” 

“yeah, i know” you say under your breath, thinking of how eren jaeger had been an unattainable fantasy for you for years. 

“so no current boyfriend or…?” 

“no boyfriends...ever” its embarrassing to admit, but less humiliating than admitting that the reason that was is because you’re in love with your brothers best friend, the very man standing before you now. 

“that’s kinda tragic, pip” eren hops up on the hood of his car and fishes a cigarette out of his pocket. he waves a hand at you, “you’re rockin’ a bod like that and no one’s bagged you? thought you’d be beating down options with a bat by now” 

you watch the smoke that plumes in the air, the way it coils and wisps, and really look at eren. he’s tragically beautiful. his no black hair is boyishly messy, tangled around his head in a dark halo. his face is sharp and tan, his eyes striking and making you feel like you’re sinking into the sand beneath your feet.

you’ve wanted him for so long, it makes you ache. years and years of pushing away men and declining confessions for this man in front of you. you’d never expected anything from him, but you couldn’t move past the fantasy in your head. couldn’t imagine giving any of your firsts to anyone but eren. 

“you told me to stay innocent” its out before you can stop the words, they just fumble out, spilling from your lips and into the air like the smoke.

eren stills, pauses from where he’d been about to take another drag. his expression is unreadable. he flicks the ashes from the cig on the sand, stumps it out under his foot as he hops down. the wind ruffles his dark hair as he just looks and looks and looks at you. 

“yeah?” and oh, jesus, if the rough gravel in his voice doesn’t make your cunt warm immediately. “and you listened?” 

you squeeze your thighs together, an action that draws erens gaze between your legs. to late to back down now, you think, and wet your lips. “y-yeah. I did” 

“you didn’t let any boys touch you while i was gone?” eren continues and he draws closer, creeping towards you.

you shake your head, silent as he comes in front of you. he reaches up to delicately push a strand of hair behind you ear with one of his ring fingers. he keeps it tucked behind your ear as he towers over you, staring you down. “you’re still my innocent little girl, huh?” 

you wonder if this is how it feels to be seduced, seduced by eren jaeger no less. his eyes are warm, and they make you feel warm from where the rest on your eyes, and then, your lips. they part under his gaze, on instinct. “I am, ren. always have been” 

his eyes darken, and the finger behind your ear becomes his whole hand sliding to cup the back of your head, slowly fisitng your hair in it. “shit” he tilts your head up. “you can’t say things like that, baby”

baby, baby, baby. your head swims. you’re on autopilot now, speaking without thinking and you think that’s good because if you were thinking clearly you wouldn't have the courage. “i’ve always been your good girl. no one elses” 

you have one second to hear his exhale before his lips are crashing against yours, and oh. oh, he’s good. you feel the metal of his lip ring against your bottom lip as he slides his tongue in your mouth, eating you up.

“god, you’re sweet” he nips your lip. “knew you would be”

you pant into his mouth, your hands curling on his chest, “y-you’ve thought about me?”

“‘course i did, im not blind” he pulls away. “I just really like my dick and didn’t want it chopped off. armin is scary” 

you know he can be when he wants to be, knows if he saw eren ravishing his little sister against his car right now, body parts would be strewn about. and that’s just from armins verbal warfare.

you look at eren demurely from under your lashes, “i don’t want anything to happen to your…” you trail off at the end.

erens eyebrows climb up his forehead, he presses close to you, tugs you to him. “my…” he prods, eyes glinting with mischief. 

you look away, pouting. “know i can’t say it” you mumble, hating that even now, saying vulgar words is embarrassing for you.

erens chest shakes with a laugh. “you just sucked my tongue down your throat, pip, and you can’t talk about my cock? you’re precious, c’mere.” he starts walking backwards, towards his car. “we gotta be sneaky about it but-” he dips down to kiss you again, once, twice. “i really wanna touch you” 

you gulp, and nod, let him pull you to his car and open the backseat for you, climbing in after you. he shuts and locks it behind him and then he’s facing you, eren jaeger giving you his full attention. looking at you like he wants you, like he’s seeing you, like he wants to do alot of bad things to you.

you place a shaking hand on his shoulder. “im- i dont know what to do..”

you want to impress him, but pretending you’re good at something you’re not won’t do that. eren doesn’t like liars anyway. 

he scoots close to you, pulling you halfway onto his lap until you’re sitting comfortably against him. you bite your lip when you feel the hard ridge of his cock pressing against your ass under your skirt. one of his hands settles on your bare thigh, scooting it up just barely.

“you ever watch porn, sweetheart?” erens breath puffs against your ear and you squirm on top of him. 

you push down your own embarrassment, resigning yourself to be a big girl and be honest. “s-sometimes” 

“yeah?” god, why does just that word turn you on so much? “tell me what kind of stuff you watch when you touch your little pussy” 

his vulgar words go straight to your cunt, at the same time his hand slides up your thighs and slips under your skirt. you close your eyes when you feel the tip of his finger trace over the band of your panties. “they’re always a couple..” you gasp when his hand dips inside, palm cupping over your pussy. “a-and the guy has dark hair..”

“Imagining anyone in particular?” eren teases, but you hear his breath catch at the same time yours does when he sinks one long finger inside. the folds around your slit part seamlessly around the intrusion, sucking his finger in like your pussy wants it there. “so wet, baby. keep talking for me?”

ever the good girl, you push through the tingles and the heat spreading down your legs, the slick sound of his finger fucking in and out of you filling the silent car as you struggle to find words. “s-shes always inexperienced. Its her first time and...and hes gentle” you moan a little when erens thumb comes to swirl around your clit, hips lips finding your neck. he’s teasing another finger at your tight entrance when you swallow another groan and try to keep talking like he’d asked. “he’s gentle but he takes. t-takes what he wants”

“mm” eren hums, tongue sliding against your skin. you gasp when the tip of his ring finger edges in beside the other one, stretching your tight passage around his digits in thorough little twists of his fingers. “that’s real good, baby. you like the sound of that, huh?” 

eren hooks his chin over your shoulder, bunches your skirt around your waist so he can see where your little pussy is clenching and squeezing around him, clit engorged and throbbing for attention. when you don’t answer, he continues, using the slick dripping down your slit, gathering it and then pushing back into you. “I bet” he says, low, husky. “In those videos, he eats her out real nice, yeah? makes sure her little virgin cunt is wet enough to take his cock”

“y-yeah” you pant, holding his wrist but not pulling it away, pushing him more towards you. you’re starting to grind down against the pleasure, walls rhythmically fluttering around his fingers, fucking yourself on them without even knowing it. he curls them, and your head thumps back against his shoulder as you cry out. 

“i’ll give that to you” eren promises, pumping his fingers faster, his other hand coming up to cup one of your tits over your blouse, giving it a squeeze. “gonna take you home after you cream around my fingers and lay you out on your bed” he kisses your cheek, holding you firm against him when you start to twitch and writhe. “lick this little flower open. wanna feel your thighs squeeze my face when i drink the cum from your pussy, get you all loose and wet and then i wanna feel you drip down my dick when i slide it inside”

“oh god, ren!” you jerk in his hold as you feel your orgasm crest over you, gushing down his palm, as you ride his hand, milking it as tingles shoot across your whole body. A milky, creamy film rests around his knuckles when he slides his fingers out of your weeping cunt, still pulsating and twitching from the come down. 

he rubs the excess slick around your folds and clit, rubbing it in. you whimper and he chuckles and kisses your cheek. 

you sag against him, fucked out. eren brushes some hair from your forehead and kisses it. “wannabe punk pounds sweet virgin pussy into her bed” 

you look at him, confused and dazed “huh?”

eren grins at you. “s’ gonna be the name of our porno” 

#poppy speaks #eren jaeger x reader #eren jaeger smut #aot smut #i hate this kinda but oh well #woof #eren jaeger imagine

[dear-ao3]

do you have any geraskier fic recs?

i in fact do. courtesy of myself and discord:

harrier by @agoodgoddamnshot: E, 31k, complete. jaskier is a witcher who meets geralt on the path, sexy times ensue.

a twist in time: E, 14k, complete. jaskier does not meet geralt in posada when he is supposed to. (mind the tags)

a full blown case of what is known by @crushcandles: E, 11k, complete. the relationship jaskier had over the winter affects his one with geralt. pining.

i will not kiss you by @a-kind-of-merry-war: E, 22k, complete. geralt gets cursed, he can't touch anyone.

the fear of falling apart by @storm-and-starlight: T, 10k, complete. jaskier is a selkie who pines for the ocean.

leaves by @all-hail-the-witcher: G, 2k, complete. geralt and jaskier separate early for the winter. geralt presses leaves to give him in the fall.

silver and steel: E, 78k (series), wip. jaskier’s father father tries to ruin his life by assigning a mysterious cassiline to guard him but the real mystery is why they aren't fucking yet

the god of scraped knees by @andthepeople: M, 8k, complete. jaskier used to be a sorcerer, but he doesn't want to remember what it feels like anymore. 

the courting season: M, 47k, complete. geralt realizes that he is in love with jaskier one winter and he and his brothers research how to court a minor noble, however, jaskier is romantically clueless.

homo homini lupus est (man is wolf to man) by @inexplicifics: T, 7k, complete. more than a year after the dragon hunt, geralt needs rescuing and jaskier might be the only person who can manage it.

the accidental warlord and his pack by @inexplicifics: E, 342k (series), wip. jaskiers family gives him to the white wolf, the warlord of the north. but it is not what jaskier was expecting. 

an exaltation of wolves by @round--robin: E, 124k (series), complete. jaskier comes to kaer morhen and discovers that the other wolves are just as prickly and just as deserving of love as geralt. 

heart exhange by @jaskiersvalley: E, 78k, complete. geralt meets jaskier and he is so different than any other dom he's met before that he decides to push the limits (mind the tags)

lock & key: E, 9k, complete. jaskier suggests a chastity device to make himself a worthy travel companion and gives geralt the key.

julian by @vands38: E, 22k, complete. jaskier is a child prodigy burnout, geralt is a ballet dancer who has had a career altering accident, geralt sees a potential dance partner in jaskier, jaskier wants to get laid.

a horny bard and a confused witcher by @geraltrogerericduhautebellegarde: M, 1.1k (series) wip. jaskier uses every single sexual tension inducing phrase and situation he can think of, but geralt just doesn't get it.

fuck indeed by @jaskierswolf: E, 8.7k, complete. jaskier starts an onlyfans account.

mom hugs and ice cream by @avengeful-bunny: T, 2.5k, complete. geralt gets dragged to a pride parade by his brothers, while there he comes across a woman giving out free mom hugs and meets jaskier.

cast a spell for your demon by @kueble: E, 11k (series), wip. geralt is a demon, jaskier travels with him.

time to wonder, do i dare? by @norationalthoughtrequired : M, 28k, complete. geralt owns a bookshop and allows jaskier to play outside. along the way they fall in love.

i dont like most people by @softdarlingjaskier: T, 2k, complete. geralt comes back from a bath upset, jaskier tries to make him feel better. softness ensues.

next to you by @lankygeralt: E, 42k, complete. jaskier is in college and falls in love with his best friend, ciris, dad. 

incubus jaskier by @dat-carovieh: E, 12k (series), wip. jaskier is an incubus who needs sexual energy to survive.

i try so loud to love you. you cannot seem to hear. by @dat-carovieh: E, 18k, complete. jaskier is not shy about his love for geralt, but geralt denys having feelings. pining ensues.

in this realm of blood and sin by @feedingmyinsomnia: E, 24k, complete. an angsty fix it where jaskier makes bad life choices and geralt tries to fix the mess he made. (mind the warnings)

the kink club au by @feedingmyinsomnia: E, 48k (series), wip. a series of one shots (nsfw and sfw) for the geraskier kink club modern au.

may the blood freeze in my veins (let me rot within my grave) by @feedingmyinsomnia: M, 5.4k, complete. geralt gets a contract in lettenhove and meets jaskier, but the contract is causing him trouble.

there's a harshness in your voice and a softness in your hands by @damatris: T, 2.6k, complete. jaskier gets hurt trying to defend geralt.

in your arms (i feel loved) by @damatris: T, 2.8k, complete. five times jaskier hugged geralt and one time geralt hugged jaskier.

the fae went down to touissant by @professorjaskier: G, 5k, complete. a fae claims that she can play the lute better than jaskier can. a devil went down to georgia au.

im only human after all by @ghostinthelibrarywrites: M, 87k, complete. geralt is a vigilante by night and a reporter by day. jaskier is his ex and obsessed with the witcher, geralts vigilante alter ego. but when geralt is blackmailed, jaskier gets involved. 

soulmates by @officerjennie: T, 6k, complete. geralt is on a self loathing streak and jasper is not taking any of his shit. (see warnings)

fingertips by @dapandapod: G, 1k, complete. jaskier is too stressed to sleep and geralt wants to help.

hollow by @dapandapod: M, 9k, complete. jaskier loses his memory of geralt, geralt tries to let him go but they get pulled back to each other.

fair by @comfyswitcherblanketfort: G, 1.5k, complete. geralt and jaskier are in love, decades of mutual pining and accidental love confessions ensue. based on fair by the amazing devil.

sweater weather by @wherethewordsare: E, 4.6k, complete. geralt leaves his hoodie at jaskiers and that's the last push they need to get together.

you're only brave in the moonlight (stay till sunrise) by @yoursummerfrost: E, 29k, complete. jaskier falls in love with his college roommate. a slow burn.

a warm reunion after a cold winter by @elliestormfound: T, 1.2k, complete. geralt and jaskiers first hug after the winter lasted a little longer than usual.

rugby geralt au by @reallooney: T, 68k (series), wip. geralt is captain of the rugby team, jaskier is a music student. they are together, but during one spring semester geralt befalls a series of unfortunate luck, the following fall, the same happens to jaskier. or: the boys take care of each other and its very soft.

i was burning up with fever ( i didnt care how long i lived): G, 4k, complete. jaskier has the flu. geralt, lambert and eskel (mistakenly) think that he's dying.

say yes to the dress au by @all-hail-the-witcher: T, 2k (series), wip. jaskier is a bridal consultant (or randy with the personality of david emmanuel) at kleinfelds. geralt is the mysterious dress designer that rarely makes public appearances. 

#the witcher #the witcher fic rec #witcher fic rec #witcher fics #geraskier #geraskier fic #geraskier fic rec #geralt #jaskier #not a tag #from saph #dear people who are not in the bog who are recced here: we all love your work #and in case you're wondering why an ao3 blog is reccing witcher fics #my main is all-hail-the-witcher

[alonezz]

Hi! I know this can be a sensitive topic so its fine if you dont do but could you make a aot girls + hange (please add hange if you do it) finding their s/o attempting suicide

TW: Suicide Attempts (cutting, hanging, jumping and overdose are mentioned). Please if any of you ever feel like ending your life, reach out to someone. I know it's easier said than done. I am always here if my babies need to talk to anyone, my DMs are always open! Know that life is worth living, and things may seem hard right now but it does get better, I promise. <3

Includes: Mikasa, Annie, Hange, Pieck, and Historia.

Hange: 

“Y/N?” Hange called as they walked into your apartment. You two had planned on having a study date and when you didn’t answer their calls and texts they assumed you had fallen asleep.

You were in your room, standing on top of your chair, the rope felt harsh against your hands. You were a little scared in your dark room, ready to end all of your suffering. The world was gloomy and grey but when you saw through the circle the rope created, you saw color.

Hange walked through your kitchen, noticing the lack of food and they quickly made a mental note to surprise you with groceries. Your living room was a mess, and they decided they were going to clean it even though their room is probably as messy but you used to hate messy things, what happened? they wondered, growing slightly worried.

They made her way through the familiar hall until they were in front of your room. They didn’t bother on knocking assuming you were sleeping so when they burst through the door and saw you looking through the hole of a rope their heart stopped.

“Y-Y/N?” they said, their voice shaking slightly.

Your eyes widened and your vision became blurry. They weren’t supposed to come here, what were they doing here?

“Hange,” you whispered breaking them out of their shock and they quickly made their way towards you, pulling you down from the chair and hugging you tightly. So tight it felt like they were crushing you.

“Why are you here?” you said making them pull away and look at your numb face with a frown.

“We were supposed to have a study session,” they whisper. 

you hum in approval, mentally cursing yourself for being so stupid.

“Why?” they said, their voice breaking slightly and you dropped your head in their chest. They quickly wrapped their arms around you once again.

“m’ tired,” you muttered agains their shirt and they pressed a kiss to your temple. The truth is, as smart as Hange was, they had no idea what to do in this situation.

“I know sweetheart, let’s go home?” she mumbled against your head and you nodded quickly, knowing home meant you got to sleep at Hange’s.

The night was filled with words of encouragement, and love as your tangled legs and pressed foreheads brought you safety and warmth.

“If you ever feel like that again, please call me. I love you,” they whispered, their warm breath hitting you cheek.

“I will, I love you too,” you said sealing the promise with a kiss on their lips.

Annie:

Annie likes going outside a lot to clear her thoughts, standing on the top of the wall staring at the horizon she thinks about home. She knows she will have to leave and that hurts her only because she will miss seeing you.

What she didn’t expect to see when she arrived at the top of the wall that night was you. She would’ve been happy to see you in any other situation but her heart stopped and her eyes widened.

You were balancing on the edge, one foot forward as if you were ready to jump off. She has never ran this fast before but she sprinted towards your figure and hugged you pulling you away. A startled yelp escaped your lips and even when you were safe Annie didn’t let go of your waist burying her face in your back.

You sobbed and fell to the floor on your knees, Annie lowering herself with you. “what were you thinking,” she muttered against your neck. “Im sorry,” you whispered. “Im so sorry Ann,” you whimper and she holds you even tighter.

“I- Y/N, I can’t loose you please,” she muttered and you could tell she was crying by the sound of her voice.

“Im sorry,” you repeat once again your shaking body and sobs dying down as you turn around to look at your lover.

“why?” she says, her crystal eyes now glassy as her hand cups your cheek.

“I- I don’t know,” you say and she pulls you in for a hug. 

“Im just so tired,”

“I know baby,” she replies pulling you closer.

“I am sorry,”

“Don’t apologize. Just please come to me next time. Don’t do this again please. I can’t loose you, you are all I have,” she whimpers hugging you even tighter.

“I won’t,” you whisper kissing her neck, a silent promise that you won’t leave her.

Pieck:

It was all too much, the war, the people you had loved dying, hate never ending fear of losing the few you had left. You stared at the cup of pills you gripped in your sweaty hands. You could end it, the suffering, this was the way to end it you thought. 

A soft knock on your door startles you making you drop your pills on the floor. 

“shit,” you mumble, leaning down to start collecting the scattered pills. 

“Y/N?” the all to familiar soft voice questions and your heart drops. You quickly stand up and walk towards the door opening it slightly.

“Yes, Pieck?” you say and she looks at you with a frown on her face.

“You okay? you look... nervous?” she says her doe eyes staring back at yours with worry.

“Yeah, Im fine,” you lie, forcing a smile. 

“Can I come in?” Pieck asks her small smile making you forget about everything that just happened behind the door and you nod your head opening the door wider for her to walk in.

Her steps come to a halt as she stares at the mess in front of her. The pills on the floor, the letter on the desk and the panicked look in your face earlier was enough evidence for her.

“Y/N?” she questions and your eyes widen in realization.

“It’s not what it looks like,” you mumble looking at her back nervously.

She turns around to look at you and your heart shatters at the tears that run down her face.

“Oh, Y/N, it will be okay,” she reassures, walking closer to you and pulling you into a tight hug. At first you didn’t hug her back, not used to being hugged especially by someone you admire so much. After a few moments you melt into her soft embrace and your tears start falling, wetting her uniform.

“It’s okay N/N,” she whispers, “You are safe now,” your grip tightens, “you are not alone,” she promises with a small featherlike kiss to your neck and you bury yourself deeper in her embrace.

After what seemed like hours but was not nearly enough time you pull away from her tight hold. 

“Why?” she questions her forehead dropping against your own.

“I- I don’t want to loose anymore than I already have,” you mumble, your warm breathing hitting her lips. A sign that you were alive and well, something that she cherishes. 

“I know, baby it hard. But, if you did this then I would loose you, I can’t loose you Y/N,” she whispers her voice breaking at the end and you kiss the corner of her lips as an apology.

“You won’t loose me, I promise,”

“let’s get rid of this mess? You can stay in my home for as long as you need to. i don’t want you to be alone with your thoughts again,” she says as she kisses your nose before pulling you back into her embrace where you feel safest.

Historia:  (not really an attempt)

Lately Historia has been noticing how you joke a lot about killing yourself. Most of your friends laugh along with you and say things like, “mood” or just chuckle and laugh but Historia doesn’t. She worries deeply about you.

You two aren’t super close but she decided to say something about it. You two were sitting on the benches outside the school alone and she was talking to you about a test you had just taken.

“How did you do?” she asked, her voice as soft as ever as she looked at you intently.

“Not great,” you mumbled and she frowned placing her hand on you knee making you look up with a red tint on your cheeks that didn’t go unnoticed by the angel.

“It will be okay, I can help you study for the next,” she whispers squeezing you knee.

“Don’t worry I won’t be alive for the next,” you said chuckling slightly. You looked up to her and when your eyes met instead of the amused expression you thought you would see you saw her eyes filled with concern and a small frown on her face.

“It sounds like you are really struggling. Are you okay Y/N?” she whispered her hand rubbing circles on your knee. Your eyes watered immediately at her sweetness and she tilted her head slightly, waiting for a reply patiently.

“I don’t- yeah, Im fine,” you mumbled looking down at her hand.

“You are not alone, Y/N, I’m right here,” she said releasing your knee and finding your hand. A few tears involuntarily left your eyes at her words and you mentally cursed yourself for being so vulnerable in front of her,

She moved closer to you and pulled you for a tight hug, you buried your head on her chest while you cried, letting her hold you and rub your back. She placed a kiss on the top of your head before pulling back.

“You feel hopeless right now; we will get you the help you need together. You are not alone.” she said before kissing your cheek and giving you a soft smile that made your cheeks burn and insides melt. 

“Thank you, Hisu,” 

Mikasa:

You gripped the blade tightly in your hand ready to pierce the skin, the tub smelled like lavender and it reminded you of her. You quickly shook the thought away as you lightly pierced your skin, wincing slightly and then chuckling at the pain.

A trail of blood started leaving the cut and dripping into the tub, you moved the blade again and pierced deeper, smiling softly as you prepared to leave this cruel world.

“Y/N?” Mikasa called from outside and your eyes widened. not her, you couldn’t let her see you like this, she wasn’t meant to be the one who found your body. 

“I’m bathing,” you said, your voice quivering slightly in panic.

“You okay, you sound distressed,” she said and after you didn’t reply she spoke again.

“I’m coming in,”

“NO!,” you yelled but it was too late.

Mikasa’s eyes went wide in disbelief as she saw you inside the bloody tub, she quickly rushed to your side.

“How deep is it? We need to go to the ER right now, Y/N, how deep is it,” she mumbled as she frantically reached for your arms.

“Its okay Mika, is not deep,” you said sadly, upset by the mess you had made. Mikasa would probably be mad at you. She finished examining your arms and then looked at your worried face.

“Im sorry,” you whispered and she reached for your hand gripping it on her own.

“Don’t be sorry, it’s okay, you are okay,” she said relieved. You squeezed her hand and she leaned forward, pressing a kiss in the crown of your head.

“Let’s get this patched up?” she questioned tilting her head slightly and offering you a small smile. You nodded and she helped you out of the tub gently.

She wrapped your bare body with a fluffy towel, drying the red out of your skin. Her gaze was worried and gentle at the same time, her doe eyes piercing through yours as she patted you dry.

She then placed the towel around you, covering your skin and she helped you on top of the sink.

“Lets see,” she whispers as she holds your arm out, the blood still trickling lightly. You see her lip start to quiver but you don’t mention it, deciding to remain quiet. Thats until a tear leaves her eye. One thing about Mikasa is that she doesn’t cry often.

“Hey, Im okay, I am sorry Mika,” you mutter and she looks up at you, those eyes you adore are flooded with worry and pain.

“Why?” she murmurs, dropping her head to your shoulder and you place your arm around her small frame.

“Im tired,” you reply simply and she places her hands around your waist, pulling you impossibly close.

“Whenever you feel like you will harm yourself, let me know, okay?” she mumbles weakly and you hum an affirmation, kissing the side of her head one last time before pushing her away and kissing her soft lips.

“I love you, Y/N” she whispers before wrapping your injuries and holding you tightly until all your worries are forgotten.

Please, please, please, please, reach out to someone (I am always here) if you ever have thoughts of doing something like this. I promise it gets better. I love you all so much and you are not alone, I am always here for all of you! 

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