#but i am!!! i am letting people down and it sucks!!!

[adirtylittleheart]

REMEDY You and Matt are suck in a house full of people during a relentless summer heat wave. With frustrations running high from the heat and lack of sex, you find a way to help and remedy that. Warning: 18+ Smut. Fucking. P in V. Public (but private). MattXfem reader & oc (see below) Notes: Please note that I am putting this up as a READER and an OC. So, the first section will be the READER and the second is OC. I've had so many people ask me to please make it reader and others want it OC. So, I'm going to try and cater to all. I hope this works...if not I'll return to the drawing board and try something else. Maybe post two separate? Let me know what you think - I'll see DM's quicker cause somedays I don't have the time to get on and I have a lot of activity. THANK YOU ALL THOUGH FOR READING. YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME.

REMEDY The heat was unbearable. The Sturniolo family went to The Cape for the summer, with girlfriends and significant others tagging along. The house wasn’t huge and some of us had to share sleeping spaces and set-up camp in the living room. We were tight knit and we all got along like a house on fire, so it wasn’t a problem but lack of sleep on the hot, sweltering nights was another story. With severe heatwaves come some complications like; power outages and malfunctioning air conditioners. It was the kind of heat that pressed against one’s skin. Where you wanted to fan yourself down, but all that seemed to do was move the hot air around. The hot, humid breeze did nothing but tease with the promise of relief.

‘’The fucking weather!’’ Matt groaned, ‘’This was supposed to be a great trip for us…for you,’’ he said looking disappointed

‘’Well,’’ I said, and leaned forward then gave him a kiss, ‘’if it’s any conciliation, I’m having a great time.’’

‘’You would in this heat,’’ Matt said through a laugh, ‘’you’re the only one here that will get through this unscathed. You’re the only one here that actually enjoys the heat, which makes me wonder what the fuck is wrong with you. How come you’re so perfect and not even the heat will get you?’’

I laughed, ‘’so…I’ve meant to tell you a long time ago, but there was never really a perfect time to do so, but I’m from this little planet called -’’ I was saying when Matt let out a laugh cutting me off

‘’Shut up,’’ he said and pushed his lips to mine. Just a few days ago, I accidentally overheard Matt talking to Nick and Chris and found out a few things that didn’t know, and that had me feeling like I was the luckiest and most blessed person to walk the earth. Mind you, I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but I sure am glad I stopped in my tracks when I walked past the kitchen and heard my name. They say you never hear anything go about yourself when you eavesdrop but I’m a testament to that being complete bullshit. He had said to them that he knew without a doubt that I was the one he wanted to marry, have kids with, and spend the rest of his life with. That he loved that I loved his family as much as they loved me and that I was always willing to help out… and most of all he loved that I was definitely up for anything. The biggest smile crossed my face when he said he loves how I make everything fun and exciting in his eyes. He also said he loved that I came across as a little saint to everyone else, but I was definitely a little devil when it came to fucking. At that point I walked away – I was happy and it was all I ever needed to hear.

Matt sighed next to me as we lay on the blow-up mattress. The heat really was relentless and stifling. Every time we moved, it felt as if the sheets were clinging to us. A fan was blowing cool air but it was as helpful and equivalent to puckering one’s lips up and blowing air out of them. It was so hot, we were all struggling to sleep. I sensed that Matt was not only frustrated by the heat but also that with so many people in a house sharing, we couldn’t do much in the sex department, though we certainly found ways. Matt and I said that we would sleep in the living room on a blow-up mattress while Chris and his girlfriend shared the couch.

‘’Are you okay?’’ I whispered when Matt once again let out a groan

‘’It’s like we’re in a desert or something,’’ Matt mumbled and sat up. He reached for a glass of water on a nearby side table and made some kind of sound then he looked at me with horror. ‘’The fucking ice has melted in the glass already,’’ he said, his voice laced with disbelief. It concerned me because Matt was generally calm but he was definitely agitated by the heat.

I lay for a moment, staring at the ceiling wondering how I could help him. My eyes swung from one end of the ceiling to the other, then back again. I suddenly sat up, finding the remedy to maybe both the heat and lack of sex problem…even if it was only a short reprieve. I slid off the mattress and then padded to his side, and put my hand out, palms up.

‘’Come on,’’ I whispered

‘’You two might as well just talk, and not whisper,’’ Chris said

‘’Shut up,’’ Matt said loudly through a laugh

‘’Fuck off,’’ Chris replied with a chuckle

‘’Sorry, Chris,’’ I said with a giggle. They never ceased to make me laugh with their friendly banter

‘’Nah (y/n), I mean it’s so hot, we can’t sleep anyway,’’ Chris said, his girlfriend giving a ‘’mhm’’ in agreement.

Matt put his hand in mine and I pulled him up. ‘’Where are we going?’’ he asked, his movements were slower than mine in the heat.

‘’A walk,’’ I said softly as I lead him to the kitchen. I opened the fridge and grabbed a bottle of ice cold water and handed it to Matt as he looked at the time on the microwave, it’s glowing green telling him it was two in the morning. He sighed thinking it was a long way from morning but still the weather on the news had said it would be an equally hot day, if not hotter. I hesitated closing the door because the cool air felt so good on my hot skin. I had on what I can only describe as a t-shirt that I had taken a pair of scissors to. Matt had given me one of his old t-shirts and we cut the sleeves off, along with the neck line, widening it to help with the heat. I really didn’t mind the heat, but this? This was something else. I felt for everyone else because if I was feeling it, they must have been suffering. I closed the door and smiled at Matt, who gave me a weak smile back.

We slipped out the door, quietly into the night, ‘’Should I put a t shirt on?’’ Matt asked

‘’Show me one man who has a shirt on in this weather and I’ll give him a thousand dollars,’’ I said

‘’Does that include me and does it still stand until we get back?’’ Matt asked

I giggled and smacked his tight ass, ‘’always,’’ I replied

‘’Where are we going?’’ Matt asked and slipped his hand into mine. Our fingers intertwined and he lifted our hands and then he gave my hand a kiss. ‘’Thanks for this, it is slightly better out here.’’

I smiled at Matt, ‘’the park,’’ I said simply

The moon was full and illuminated the way for us. It was quiet but for the water lapping to the shore. The roads were dead and the park deserted. People had either passed out from the heat or were sitting in front of fans hoping to cool down. The park was relatively close to the house, but hidden and nestled amongst trees. I led Matt to the swings and Matt sat on one while I sat on the other, right next to him. I started swinging softly while Matt only moved back and forth slightly on the swing, keeping his feet on the ground. He took a sip of water, and offered me some, but I shook my head with a warm smile.

‘’Matt? Remember that park we went to at Evan’s house?’’ I asked and stopped the swing, then got off, ‘’you know, when he had that party?’’

‘’Yeah,’’ Matt said as he put the bottled water on the ground, and then it hit him. His eyes went big and his award-winning smile formed on his face. How could he have forgotten that?

‘’Yeah?’’ I asked and bit my bottom lip seductively

‘’Fuck yes! Hop on,’’ Matt said and I squealed softly with excitement as I grabbed the chains and lifted myself onto Matt’s lap, sliding my legs over his as I sat down, my legs handing over his on their side of the swing. Matt smiled, because the last time we both had fumbled a lot trying to work out how to do it but now we seemed to have mastered it. Well…we were going to find out.

‘’How did I get so lucky?’’ Matt asked me softly

I smiled at him and placed a hand on his cheek and tilted his face up a fraction, ‘’I’m the lucky one,’’ I whispered and lightly brushed my lips against his.

My hand slid down his neck, and his chest, and then my fingers danced above his shorts elastic, as Matt deepened the kiss. It was never pedestrian. His kisses always made me feel desired, and wanted. I got drunk on our kisses. Matt moaned into the kiss and I felt his hands by mine. I knew he was getting impatient so I moved my hand and brought it to my pussy and moved my panties to the side while he pushed his shorts down as much as he could. The small piece of material was wet already and I felt Matt’s cock, now free of his shorts, as hard as a rock, between us. That alone sent every nerve in my body tingling.

His hands found the straps of my shirt and he pushed them down, over my shoulders. I smiled into the kiss and pulled my arms out the straps, letting the material fall softly. Matt broke the kiss, eager to get a nipple into his hungry mouth. I moaned, dropping my head back and arched my back, pushing my titties forward so Matt could take in more. He was a genius with his tongue no matter where it was on my body. I bit my bottom lip and slid my hand between us and closed my hand around Matt’s thick shaft. He was rock solid hard and I smiled wickedly because his pre-cum had run down his shaft, leaving him slick. He sucked in a sharp breath from the touch on his painfully erect dick but it felt so fucking good. I lifted myself, aimed his dick at my little tight entrance, then I slid onto his dick agonizingly slowly, savouring every inch going in. We both groaned loudly with simultaneous pleasure.

‘’Oh god (y/n),’’ Matt moaned, ‘’you have no idea how good that feels.’’

‘’Oh, but I do,’’ I said with a grin and licked my hand of the pre-cum, making Matt swear under his breath. ‘’Start swinging. We don’t want to be caught,’’ I purred.

‘’I’ve been wanting to fuck you all day’’ Matt said curling his hands around the chains,’’this won’t take long.’’

I smiled, as I also curled my hands around the chains, the cool metal making me even more aroused, ‘’me too.''

Matt laughed and pushed back with his legs and then let us fall forward on the swing as he tucked his legs back. He sure was going to have one hell of a workout keeping the swing in motion. I knew without a doubt he could handle it though. We were soon gliding through the air, back and forth. Every time we went back, I would slide down his dick and when we got to the furthest point, having to go back down, I would push down on him as forces of nature worked. We moaned loudly with sheer pleasure every time that happened and Matt groaned feeling himself deep inside of my tight, wet pussy. When we went back down, I was lifted up, his dick sliding halfway out, exposing him to the cooler air, then he would slip back into my hot pussy.. The contrast of heat and cool air in motion sent a pleasant shiver up his spine, never feeling anything like it.

Matt loved everything – the way we had to be so close, the way we molded into each other, the fact that we had to rely upon and trust each other. The tightness around his hard throbbing cock, the way my hair flew out and fanned behind me when we went up, and then around me when we went back down, and…. he loved the look on my face with my breasts firmly in front of him. He wanted to touch them, grab them but he couldn’t. Fuck! It was the most blissful torture ever. The deep penetration on the up was something different than normal penetration. It was a force that could only be achieved in their current position and situation.

Matt could tell I was close as my pussy started fluttering around his cock, my body got tense and I dropped my head.

‘’Ooh, Matt…shit, Matt…’’ I said with urgency as I felt my muscles tightening, the rush coursing through me and pure ecstasy shoot over my body. I let one hand go from the chains and put it around Matt’s shoulders, looking for more purchase. I pushed my face into the side of his neck as my walls clasped around Matt like a vice grip. The sheer strength around him set him on the very edge. My loud screams and moans were muffled as I buried my face into his neck and shoulder. I let go of the chains with my other hand to grip him tighter as Matt brought us to a stop. My fingers dug into his muscles and my body shook against him. Once we were stationary Matt grabbed my ass and lifted me, and then pushed me back down on his cock.

‘’FUCK YES, (y/n),’’ Matt moaned as he felt a splash. The sound of my moans, the feel of my skin, and my smell were so intoxicating to Matt as he slammed me down on him again and let out a growl as he felt his orgasm shoot out from the base of his balls and run through him. I lifted my face and we locked eyes for a second before my eyes went big as I sucked in a breath.

‘’Kiss me,’’ Matt said through clenched teeth knowing I was coming yet again. Matt wanted to scream too, because it was so incredible but he knew he couldn’t as my walls locked around him again. He shot a massive load into me, rope after rope, after rope. After holding it in all day, wanting me all day…it built up. I pushed my lips to his, our tongues immediately meeting. The kiss muffled most of my screams and moans but a few escaped into the quiet night. Neither of us cared at the very moment. Matt’s dick twitched at the last spray into my pussy, and I still lifted and rammed myself down on him two more times before I slumped onto him, breaking the kiss. Matt slid his arms around me and sat like that for five minutes, panting, trying to catch our breath. In the distance, we heard laughter, and Matt slowly slid his hands back down my back as I sat up straight again. He found the straps of my shirt and then pulled them up. I then pushed my arms into them and he let the straps rest on my shoulders. He pulled his still-hard dick out of my warm, wet, overflowing pussy, a low moan escaping him, not wanting to but having to pull out.

Matt looked over my shoulder and I turned my head as we heard low talking in the distance. A couple were walking on the side walk but I knew the couple couldn’t see us, and that we had the vantage point.. Clearly two lovers where out on a walk also trying to escape the heat. They were in the distance, but I could tell they were holding hands and very much into each other. I watched them disappear into a thick of trees and I turned back to Matt.

Matt smiled and gave me a half nod, ‘’they should try the swings,’’ he said and I burst out laughing. I pushed a hand between ourselves and pulled my panties back into place and then grabbed the chains and weakly pulled myself up and climbed off of Matt. As my feet hit the ground, I tried to stand, but my legs buckled and Matt grabbed me to stop me from falling.

‘’I’m fucking spent,’’ I said with laugh

‘’That was…something else. Fucking amazing,’’ Matt said through his own laugh

‘’You’re a mess,’’ I said

‘’So are you,’’ Matt said with a laugh. We were both covered in sweat with our combination of cum and juices sticking to our skin, our hair matted but looking so satisfied and elated.

I looked down and saw some of Matt’ cum running down my leg. I smiled and took my index finger and ran it up the zigzag line it had formed, collecting it. I then lifted my finger to my mouth and licked it off.

Matt smiled, ‘’you're so fucking hot,’’ he said, noting I didn’t do that for him, I did it for myself. I wanted to taste him, savor him.

I let my eyes fall back on Matt as I swallowed and smiled. ‘’I can clean you up,’’ I said

‘’Not this time. You can hardly stand... we’ll take a quick shower when we get home,’’ Matt said and somewhere along the line, Matt had put his dick away and fixed his shorts because he pulled me down onto his lap.

‘’Do you feel better?’’ I asked Matt softly

‘’You have no idea. Thank you, baby. I love you so much,’’ Matt said and gave me a kiss.

‘’Good,’’ I said and ran my fingertips along his stubbly jaw, ‘’I love you too.’’

‘’I’ll piggy back you home,’’ Matt said and smiled to himself because he had the best little vixen saint and I was the remedy he needed. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING! You are very much appreciated. <3

For the OC Version babies! The heat was unbearable. The Sturniolo family went to The Cape for the summer, with girlfriends and significant others tagging along. The house wasn’t huge and some had to share sleeping spaces and a few even set up camp in the living room. They were all tight-knit and everyone got along like a house on fire, so it wasn’t a problem but lack of sleep on the hot, sweltering nights was another story. With severe heatwaves came some complications like; power outages and malfunctioning air conditioners. It was the kind of heat that pressed against one's skin. Where you wanted to fan yourself down but all that did was move the hot air around. The hot, humid breeze did nothing but tease with the promise of relief.

‘’The fucking weather!’’ Matt groaned. This was supposed to be a great trip for us…for you,’’ he said looking disappointed

‘’Well,’’ Eden said and leaned forward to give him a kiss, ‘’if it’s any conciliation, I’m having a great time.’’

‘’You would in this heat,’’ Matt said through a laugh, ‘’you’re the only one here that will get through this unscathed. You’re the only one here that actually enjoys the heat, which makes me wonder what the fuck is wrong with you. How come you’re so perfect and not even the heat will get you?’’

Eden laughed, ‘’so…I’ve meant to tell you a long time ago, but there was never really a perfect time to do so, but I’m from this little planet called -’’ Eden was saying when Matt let out a laugh

‘’Shut up,’’ he said and pushed his lips to hers. He knew with out a doubt that she was the one he wanted to marry, have kids with and spend the rest of his life with. She loved his family as much as they loved her and she was always ready and willing to help… and he loved that she was definitely up for anything. She made everything fun and exciting. He loved that she came across as little saint to everyone else, but he knew she was definitely a little devil when it came to fucking. She adored and loved Matt, and never a day went by that she didn’t feel lucky and blessed to have Matt and his family in her life.

Matt sighed as he and Eden lay next to each other on the blow-up mattress. The heat really was relentless and stifling. Every time they moved, it felt like the sheets were clinging to their bodies. A fan was blowing cool air but it was as helpful, and equivalent to puckering one’s lips up and blowing air out of them. It was so hot, that they were all struggling to sleep. Eden sensed Matt was not only frustrated by the heat but also that with so many people in a house sharing, they couldn’t do much in the sex department, though they certainly found ways. Matt and Eden said they would sleep in the living room on a blow-up mattress while Chris and his girlfriend, shared the couch.

‘’Are you okay?’’ Eden whispered when Matt once again let out a groan

‘’It’s like we’re in a desert or something,’’ Matt mumbled and sat up. He reached for a glass of water on a nearby side table and made some kind of sound and then looked at Eden with horror. ‘’The fucking ice has melted in the glass already,’’ he said, his voice laced with disbelief. It concerned her because Matt was generally calm but he was definitely agitated by the heat.

Eden lay for a moment, staring at the ceiling wondering how she could help him. Her eyes swung from one end of the ceiling to the other, then back again. She suddenly sat up, finding the remedy to maybe both the heat and lack of sex problem…even if it was only a short reprieve. She slid off the mattress then padded to his side and put her hand out, palms up.

‘’Come on,’’ she whispered

‘’You two might as well just talk, and not whisper,’’ Chris said

‘’Shut up,’’ Matt said loudly through a laugh

‘’Fuck off,’’ Chris replied with a chuckle

‘’Sorry, Chris,’’ Eden said with a giggle. They never ceased to make her laugh with their friendly banter.

‘’Nah Edie, I mean it’s so hot, I can’t sleep anyway,’’ Chris said and his girlfriend let out a ‘mhm’ in agreement.

Matt put his hand in Edens and she pulled him up. ‘’Where are we going?’’ he asked, his movements were slower than Eden’s in the heat.

‘’A walk,’’ Eden said as she led him to the kitchen. She first opened the fridge and grabbed a bottle of ice cold water then handed it to Matt as he looked at the time on the microwave, it’s glowing green telling him it was two in the morning. He sighed thinking it was a long way from morning but still the weather on the news had said it would be an equally hot day if not hotter. Eden hesitated to close the fridge door because the cool air felt so good against her hot skin. She was wearing an old t-shirt Matt had given her and they took the scissors to it, cutting the sleeves off and widening the neck area for her to be cooler. She really didn’t mind the heat but this? This was something else. She felt for everyone else because if she was feeling it, they must have been suffering.

They slipped out the door quietly into the night, ‘’Should I put a t shirt on?’’ Matt asked

‘’Show me one man who has a shirt on in this weather and I’ll give him a thousand dollars,’’ Eden said

‘’Does that include me and does it still stand until we get back?’’ Matt asked

Eden giggled and smacked his tight ass, ‘’always,’’ she said

‘’Where are we going?’’ Matt asked and slipped his hand into Eden’s. Their fingers intertwined and he lifted their hands and then gave her hand a kiss. ‘’Thanks for this, it is slightly better out here.’’

She smiled at Matt, ‘’the park,’’ Eden said simply

The moon was full and illuminated the way for them. It was quiet but for the water lapping to the shore. The roads were dead and the park deserted. People had either passed out from the heat or were sitting in front of fans hoping to cool down. The park was relatively close to the house, but hidden and nestled amongst trees. Eden led Matt to the swings and Matt sat on one while she sat on the other, right next to him. She started swinging softly while Matt only moved back and forth slightly keeping his feet on the ground. He took a sip of water and offered Eden some, but she declined, with a shake of her head and a warm smile.

‘’Matt? Remember that park we went to at Evan’s house?’’ Eden asked and stopped the swing, then got off, ‘’you know, when he had that party?’’

‘’Yeah,’’ Matt said as he put the bottle of water on the ground, and then it hit him. His eyes went big and a smile formed on his face. How could he have forgotten that?

‘’Yeah?’’ she asked and bit her bottom lip

‘’Fuck yes. Hop on,’’ Matt said and she squealed softly with excitement as she grabbed the chains and lifted herself onto Matt’s lap, sliding her legs over his as she sat down, her legs handing over his on the side of the swing. Matt smiled because the last time they had fumbled a lot trying to work out how to do it but now they seemed to have mastered it. Well…they were going to find out.

‘’How did I get so lucky?’’ Matt asked her softly

Eden smiled at him and placed a hand on his cheek and tilted his face up a fraction, ‘’I’m the lucky one,’’ Eden whispered and lightly brushed her lips against his.

Her hand slid down his neck, his chest, and then her fingers danced above the shorts elastic as Matt deepened the kiss. It was never pedestrian. His kisses always made her feel desired and wanted. She got drunk on their kisses. Matt moaned into the kiss and Eden felt his hands by hers. She knew he was getting impatient so she moved her hand and brought it to her pussy and moved her panties to the side while he pushed his shorts down as much as he could. The small piece of material was wet already and she felt Matt’s cock, now free of his shorts, as hard as a rock. That alone sent every nerve in her body tingling. His hands found the thin straps of the sleep shirt and he pushed them down, over her shoulders. Eden smiled into the kiss and pulled her arms out of the straps, letting the material fall softly around her middle. Matt broke the kiss, eager to get a nipple into his hungry mouth. She moaned, dropping her head back, and arched her back, pushing her titties forward so Matt could take in more. He was a genius with his tongue, no matter where he placed it on her body. Eden bit her bottom lip and slid her hand between them and closed her hand around Matt’s thick shaft. She smiled wickedly because his pre-cum had run down his shaft, leaving him slick. He sucked in a breath from the touch to his painfully erect dick but it felt so fucking good. Eden lifted herself, aimed his dick at her tight little entrance and then slid onto his dick agonizingly slowly, savoring every inch going in. Both Eden and Matt groaned lowly with simultaneous pleasure.

‘’Oh god Eden,’’ Matt moaned, ‘’you have no idea how good that feels.’’

‘’Oh, but I do,’’ Eden said with a grin and licked her hand of the pre-cum, making Matt swear under his breath. ‘’Start swinging. We don’t want to be caught,’’ she purred

‘’I’ve been wanting to fuck you all day’’ Matt said curling his hands around the chains,’’this won’t take long.’’

Eden smiled as she also gripped the chains, the cool metal making her more aroused, ‘’me too, babe.’’

Matt laughed and pushed them back with his legs and then let them fall forward as he tucked his legs back. He was sure going to have one hell of a workout keeping the swing in motion, but she knew without a doubt that he could handle it. They were soon gliding through the air, back and forth. Every time they went back, Eden would slide down his dick and when they got to the furthest point, having to go back down, she would push down on him as forces of nature and gravity worked. Eden moaned loudly with sheer pleasure every time that happened and Matt groaned feeling himself deep inside of her tight, wet pussy. When they went back down, Eden was lifted up, his dick sliding halfway out, exposing him to the cooler air, then he would slip back into her hot pussy. The contrast of heat and cool air in motion sent a pleasant shiver up his spine, never feeling anything like it. Matt loved everything – the way they had to be so close, the way they molded into each other, the fact that they had to rely upon and trust each other. The tightness around his hard throbbing cock, the way her hair flew behind her and fanned when they went up, and then around her when they went back down and he loved the look on her face with her breasts firm in front of him. He wanted to touch them, grab them but he couldn’t. Fuck! It was the most blissful torture ever. The deep penetration on the up was something different than normal penetration. It was a force that could only be achieved in their current position and situation.

Matt could tell she was close as her pussy started fluttering his cock, her body got tense and she dropped her head. ‘’Ooh, Matt…shit, Matt…’’ Eden said with urgency as she felt her muscles tightening, the rush coursing through her and pure ecstasy shoot over her body, and she let her one hand go from the chains, putting it around Matt’s shoulders. She pushed her face into the side of his neck as her walls clasped around Matt like a vice grip. The sheer strength around him set him on the very edge. Eden’s loud scream’s and moans were muffled as she buried her face into his neck and shoulder. She let go of the chains with her other hand to grip onto him tighter looking for more purchase, as Matt brought them to a stop. Her fingers dug into his muscles and her body shook against him. Once they were stationary Matt grabbed Eden’s ass and lifted her, then pushed her back down on his cock.

‘’FUCK YES, EDEN,’’ Matt moaned and he felt a wetness on his skin. The sound of Edens moans, the feel of her skin, her smell was so intoxicating to Matt as he slammed her down on him again and let out a growl as he felt his orgasm shoot out from the base of his balls and run through him. Eden lifted her face and they locked eyes for a second, before her eyes went big and she sucked in a breath.

‘’Kiss me,’’ Matt said through clenched teeth knowing she was coming yet again. Matt wanted to scream as loud as Eden because it was incredible but he knew he couldn’t as her walls locked around him again. He shot a massive load into Eden, rope after rope, after rope. After having to hold it in all day, wanting her all day….it built up. Eden pushed her lips to his, their tongues immediately meeting. The kiss muffled most of her screams and moans but a few escaped into the quiet night. Neither cared at the very moment. Matt’s dick twitched at the last spray into her pussy, and Eden still rammed herself down onto him two more times before she slumped onto him, breaking the kiss. Matt slid his arms around her and they sat like that for five minutes, panting, trying to catch their breath. In the distance they heard laughter, and Matt slowly slid his hands back down Eden’s back as she sat up straight again. He found the straps of her shirt and then pulled them up, Eden pushing her arms into them. He then let the straps rest on her shoulders and pulled out of her warm, wet, over-flowing pussy, letting out a groan not wanting to leave the warm confines of her tight pussy, but having to.

Matt looked over Eden’s shoulder and she turned her head as they heard low talking in the distance. A couple was walking on the sidewalk across the road but they knew the couple couldn’t see them, and that they had the vantage point. Clearly two lovers where out on a walk also trying to escape the heat. They were in the distance, but Eden could tell they were holding hands and very much into each other. They watched them disappear into a thick of trees and Eden turned back to Matt.

Matt smiled and gave her a half nod, ‘’they should try the swings,’’ he said and Eden burst out laughing. She pushed a hand between them and pulled her panties back into place and then grabbed the chains and weakly pulled herself up and climbed off of Matt. As her feet hit the ground, she tried to stand, but her legs buckled and Matt grabbed her to stop her falling.

‘’I’m fucking spent,’’ Eden said with laugh

‘’That was…something else. Fucking amazing’’ Matt said through his own laugh

‘’You’re a mess,’’ she said

‘’So are you,’’ Matt said with a laugh. They were both covered in sweat with a combination of their cum and juices sticking to them, their hair matted but looking so satisfied and elated.

She looked down and saw some of Matt’s cum running down her leg. She smiled and took her index finger and ran it up the zigzag line it had formed, collecting it. She then lifted her finger to her mouth and licked it off.

Matt smiled, ‘’your so fucking hot,’’ he said, noting she didn’t do that for him, she did it for herself. She wanted to taste him, to savour him.

Eden let her eyes fall back on Matt as she swallowed and smiled. ‘’I can clean you up,’’ she said

‘’Not this time. You can hardly stand, we’ll take a quick shower when we get home,’’ Matt said and somewhere along the line, Matt had put his dick away and fixed his shots because he pulled her down onto his lap.

‘’Do you feel better?’’ Eden asked Matt softly

‘’You have no idea. Thank you,baby. I love you so much’’ Matt said and gave her a kiss.

‘’Good,’’ Eden said and ran her fingertips along his stubbly jaw, ‘’I love you too’’.

‘’I’ll piggy back you home,’’ Matt said and smiled to himself because he had the best little vixen saint and she was the remedy he needed.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING! YOU ARE VERY MUCH APPRECIATED <3

#chris sturniolo #matt sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #nick sturniolo #chris sturniolo smut #sturniolo smut #sturniolo fanfic #the sturniolo triplets #christopher sturniolo #matt sturniolo smut #matthew sturniolo #matt x reader #matt sturniolo x reader #sturniolo x you

[save-the-villainous-cat]

Please more adorable villain

Without saying anything, the villain picked up the hero. Despite the overwhelming pain and overall grogginess, the hero welcomed the action. They welcomed the arms that held them up and the warm chest they were being pressed against.

"You don't..." the hero began but their throat was so dry, so sore that they sounded more like a crow than a human being. They were close to tears.

"I didn't want to interfere," the villain explained. "It seemed to be very personal."

"Yeah..." the hero said. Hell, fighting their own sidekick was personal. They were going easy on them and they feared with the villain together, it would have ended a bit bloodier than it actually had.

Both of them stayed silent for a very long time until the villain reached a cleaner part in the maze of this warehouse. It must have been some kind of abandoned office. There was a chair left, a couch and a desk with an old computer. A few filing cabinets.

The villain put the hero down on the couch and opened one of the cabinets. To the hero's surprise there was a first aid kit in there.

They frowned.

"How did you...?"

"I figured out a while ago where your usual fighting spots are. So, I hid a lot of kits in these areas," the villain said. They sat down next to the hero. "You let them break your leg."

"I..."

"You can't do that."

"I couldn't break theirs. I just couldn't," the hero said. The villain's eyes were as always something the hero couldn't quite read.

"Your kindness is breaking your heart," the villain said.

"I don't need to be lectured right now," the hero said. They could feel their bottom lip tremble. The villain looked at them, bandages in their hand.

"Oh, I apologise. I didn't mean to-"

"Life really sucks right now, you know? I know you turn off your emotions or whatever and go through life like you don't care about anything but other people can't do that," the hero said. They let the tears fall now without thinking too much about what the villain might think.

Their own sidekick hated them. Their own sidekick wanted them dead. But the hero couldn't hate them like their sidekick hated them. They couldn't fight them, torture them.

"I just meant...I was trying to say..."

"That I should kill them." The villain was quiet. They avoided the hero's gaze now and put a bandage around a nasty wound on the hero's arm. Sometimes, the hero didn't understand them.

"I understand that you're upset," the villain said. "But your wounds are getting worse. They are getting more aggressive."

They put a hand on the hero's thigh.

"Please, I am worried about you," the villain said. They looked at them and the hero wasn't sure if it was the comfort or the villain in general but they were feeling something.

"We are enemies."

"We don't have to be," the villain said. "I...don't want to be."

"Why not?"

"...I don't know. I think about you a lot. I know this hurts you. And I hate that."

The hero knew the villain was slow but it was strangely sweet how long it really took them to realise that they had feelings for the other.

#totally not oblivious villain #writing snippet #heroxvillain prompt #heroxvillain snippet #heroes and villains #hero #villain #hero x villain #heroxvillain #request #an answer for an ask

[drdemonprince]

I went to visit my friend from high school for spring break in college one year. I'd had a crush on him in hs, it was not reciprocated but we remained close. I was also a late bloomer sexuality wise so it wasn't until college that I even would have been up for anything physical. ANYWAY. Decided to visit, figured this was my shot to try and act on that crush again. On the drive from the airport he came out to me as gay so, I figured, that's that. Explains why he wasn't into me in hs and why he didnt really have a reason back then.

I'm determined to hook up w someone on this trip though, so that's always simmering. We hang out with his local friend who is having a will-they-wont-they thing with a guy in their grad program. She is desperate to hook up but he's hot and cold.

We concot a plan to bait him with a possible threesome, spend an evening texting and sending him pics of us making out in a pool. (It's Miami, it just seemed like the thing to do lol) This guy is into it but he's busy that night and nothing comes of it.

A few days pass then it's my last day in Miami, my flight leaves at 6 am the next morning. She calls my friend after dinner like, holy shit it worked, he's coming over now, can you guys get here?

I'm like, fuck it, let's go. I'll bring my luggage and you can just drop me at the airport at 4 am or whatever. Forgot to mention, my friend from hs also has a crush on this other guy, so he's been down to help however he can haha

We arrive, the other guy isn't there yet, the three of us are drinking that whipped cream vodka that was popular at the time while we wait. Dude finally shows up AND HE BROUGHT A FRIEND. Unclear if he warned her ahead of time. Friend is... less cute but whatever, they brought weed. We smoke and dance some bachata and flirt etc...

Tbh my memory gets a little hazy here but somehow she ended up taking grad school guy and his buddy up to her bedroom, and I'm alone w my hs friend, we are smasheddd. I ask him, hey I know you're into guys but do you wanna fool around anyway? And we ended up making out in the bathroom, I tried going down on him but he was too drunk to keep it up so we petered off, then decided to go check on the others bc we realized we left this girl alone w two dude we barely knew.

Well they we having a merry little threesome upstairs and when we came to the door they invited us to join in!

That is how I ended up with my ass in the air getting railed by two strangers while I ate this girl out like a starving person. Grad school guy actually did us a solid w his friend bc that guys cock was huge. My only regret is I didn't get a chance to suck that guy off ;(

Eventually, they headed home and my hs friend and his friend stayed up w me until 3 am when I called a cab to the airport (idk why I ever thought we'd be sober enough to drive). Again, this was Miami but I'm fairly sure I won skankiest person in the supershuttle, which the exhibitionist in me loved. Slept it off on the plane home!

No regrets, best spring break of my life, opened my eyes to group sex and I still got to hook up w my hs crush :) and we stayed great friends!

ANON this is the most late 2000's story fucking ever. pinnacle whipped cream vodka. messily negotiated threesomes. people showing up to the sex party with surprise extra guests. gay guys fucking women. everybody being notionally bi but also not really. near drunk driving. i've been at parties exactly like these. my first apartment in college in 2007 had a pool and we were skanking it up in there miami style all the time. cheers dude

[frumfrumfroo]

Imagine making a film series like Star Wars and framing the triumphant romantic kiss as 'goodbye'... I still can't believe they made that film. Obvs that's probably how Daisy Ridley interprets it, not necessarily how it was framed (which was lacking narrative altogether), but it's still miserable. It's not even Romeo & Juliet vaunted romantic tragedy. It just sucks.

I do pity the poor anons who are waiting for some sort of different outcome with a new ST film. Studio executives will never look at the critical failure of TROS (it was a commercial success though) and think the takeaway was 'maybe we shouldn't have fractured the SW myth', it's 'oh, okay, let's never deviate ever again, damn that blasted TLJ' - just look at how JJ and co. tried to retroject TROS' failures onto the previous film. Course correction, course correction. Rey Film, if it gets made, will be DO YOU REMEMBER THIS? self-flagellating apology. Ben Solo will never return.

Yeah, anyone trying to come up with any positive spin on it, including desperate attempts to see it as effective tragedy, are doomed to failure. Only by completely ignoring the context and taking the moment by itself carried only on the actors' performances as continuity from TLJ without any of the terrible fucking tros script in the way can the kiss actually mean something.

As soon as you try to make tros into any kind of story or draw any kind of sincere message from it, you immediately run into the brick wall of what a soulless, nonsensical piece of trash it is.

I had a whole rant about how it's not Romeo and Juliet and I am still so annoyed how often people draw the comparison, both utterly missing the point of R&J and giving tros credit which it does not deserve by imagining it assigns any meaning to Ben's death whatsoever.

Yep. We've seen them do nothing but triple down. They have no idea why the movie was such an embarrassing wet fart. Rey the sexless eternal child will never be challenged again, she'll go on a worship tour of references, places, and objects to do reverence as the Brand Avatar. She's not a character any more and she's never going to be again.

#salt #a tros ity

[sinkingnotsoslowly]

Muse

Pairing: (f) Reader x Hyunjin

Warning: angst if you squint, royalty au

DO NOT STEAL MY WORK. REBLOGS AND FEEDBACK ARE APPRECIATED.

masterlist

Autumn's sighs- little soft thoughts about our favourite boys

Life in the palace was lonely. The tall ceilings and dark walls seemed never-ending. The end of the hallways looked like black holes, once they suck you in there’s no way out. The only place Hyunjin felt at ease in the entire palace was his bedchamber. It was devoid of the darkness that seemed to engulf everything in the palace. Instead, it was decorated by splashes of colours here and there, paintbrushes scattered across the floor, several complete and incomplete canvases kept wherever Hyunjin could fit them and even the bed unmade. It was not what any other person would call ‘decorated’ by any means. Even Hyunjin knew it was a mess, “But a pretty mess” he would argue.

One would think life was easy for the royals. They could have whatever they wanted, and with the whole nation at their feet achieving so was as easy as pie. And maybe it was true to a certain extent. But unfortunately for Hyunjin, he did not desire anything that the royal life was able to provide. What need does he have for power and wealth? The little prince used to ask his tutor. And the only thing everybody he asked this to had to say was that he was the eldest prince, the future king, and he ought to have the power to rule the nation. Hyunjin did not want to rule anything.

 “Your brother is being made the crown prince” the royal guard stomped onto the balcony where Hyunjin had set up his easel and canvas.

“And I remember telling you not to pester me when I am painting, Changbin.”

The sunset was becoming too yellow, this wouldn’t do. Hyunjin started mixing some red with the yellow on his palette and looked up to see the guard still standing there, looking at him with a face of disbelief. “Do you have anything more to say?”

“Don’t you have anything to say? You were supposed to have that title Hyunjin”

Hyunjin went back to put some orange on the canvas. Now the sunset had some texture. “I am happy for Yongbok is what I have to say”

“Hyunjin”

Sighing, he put down the brush to look at the guard frowning. Changbin was the only person in the palace he could call upon. He was a little dense at times and maybe that was why when everyone left Hyunjin to his own devices, he followed him like a lost puppy.

“I never wanted that title. I am glad that the King deemed me unworthy. I would have much rather enjoyed being born to a simple farmer. Work hard during the day and paint at night. It is a dream indeed.”

“And it will remain a dream. There is no point in dreaming what you cannot achieve. Hyunjin, you could have handled the business affairs during the day and painted at night-”

“I do not want to handle the business. Yongbok is far more willing and capable of it. It is the right decision to make him the crown prince. I am happy like this” Hyunjin picked up his brush to continue the finishing touches. It was almost dark now; he couldn’t sit out here much longer.

“So, you are all right with people making you out to be mad?” his brush stilled for a moment. “Yes. Yes, I am. It is nothing new. You should leave, I want to finish this painting before it gets too dark.”

Hyunjin had expected to be at peace after his younger brother was made the crown prince. The King now had no reason to fret and Hyunjin could go about doing his own things. But he was wrong. His peace of mind did not last long as not even a week later the King decided that it would be best for the eldest to get married. Perhaps a wife would help his delirious mind.

To Hyunjin that was worse than being the next King. A wife? It was the nation’s ruler who was mad not him. Having a wife meant letting an outsider enter the little delicate space he had so tenderly sewed. An outsider who would judge him for his choices, call him a lunatic and tear apart his safe abode. Then there would be nothing remaining of him. How would he survive? These thoughts kept him up at night. And when finally sleep came he was haunted by nightmares, where a faceless woman would smirk at him, looking at him with disdain and make a mockery of him.

No amount of pleading stopped the marriage. Even the younger prince tried to convince his father against it after seeing his brother in so much distress. The King stood firm on his decision. And so the wedding preparations began. Hyunjin was certain that the King had lied about him to make a man marry off his daughter to a prince like him. Or maybe this man did not value his daughter enough to pick a worthy husband for her. Either way, Hyunjin did not think his to-be wife would treat him differently than the rest of the masses. So he did not bother to show any interest whatsoever in the maids’ gossip about the unfortunate lady who was to become a part of the royal family. But Changbin enthusiastically visited Hyunjin to tell him about her whenever he heard something new. And so he’s heard that the lady was the princess of a small kingdom far south. Their nation was suffering from famine, so their King was marrying off his daughter to save their people. More of a trade than a marriage. Hyunjin should have known that his father had played some cards for a nation to give up their princess to him.

The first time Hyunjin saw her was at the altar. Dressed in white with accents of gold and a veil drawn low upon her face. Still, Hyunjin could make out her features; as delicate as a flower, full of innocence, untainted by the harsh condemnation of the world. At once Hyunjin thought of how exquisite she would look sitting in one of the garden chairs among all the other flowers while he painted her. And when she shyly looked up at him, gauging the features of her new husband, Hyunjin knew he was done for.

The first few weeks after the grand wedding passed with the newlyweds awkwardly shuffling around each other and stumbling over their words like babies learning to speak. “This is intolerable. Both of you make me want to smash my head against the wall " Changbin barged into the library, where he knew he would find the older prince. He’d had enough of the couple.

“And what did I tell you about disturbing me when I’m in the library Changbin?” Hyunjin said as he flipped through yet another romantic novel, he says inspired him to paint. Changbin ignored the prince’s blatant show of uninterest and continued, “Do all of us in the palace a favour Hyunjin, grow a pair and talk to your wife properly. You cannot keep running away forever”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Although Hyunjin chased away Changbin he knew that it was becoming ridiculous. He had not touched his paintbrush since the night before the wedding when he locked away all his paints and brushes in drawers, hid the easel under the bed and all his finished and unfinished paintings in trunks. And when his wife stared at him with a questioning look when he insisted on always keeping those drawers locked, he had stupidly said, “I’m a very paranoid man.”  Hyunjin never considered himself to be awkward when conversing with people, he could be very charming at times. So he kept wondering why this sudden idiocy had seized him.

Hyunjin was certain that he had reached a point of restlessness where he would spontaneously combust at any moment if he did not get his hands on even a pencil and a piece of paper to sketch. And of all times now his head was swarming with inspirations when he could not put them down on paper. Ridiculous is what it is, he thought. He did not even know why he was hiding himself from his wife when he never bothered to do so for any other person no matter how many vile words they spewed at him. Maybe he did not want those doe-like eyes, wide with curiosity, to look at him with disdain when she would find out that her husband was not right in his head, that he devoted all his time not to his duties to the nation but to playing with paint. He did not want her to be disappointed since he was not what she had expected.

But as the fates worked their way it turned out that his wife was not the one Hyunjin had expected. It was one night when Hyunjin was sitting with his nose in a book when (Y/n) seemed to no longer able to hold her tongue and asked, “Do you, perhaps paint milord?”

Hyunjin looked up from his book looking like he was caught with his hand in a cookie jar.

“What- how did you know?”

“I noticed the smell of paints on the very first day and I couldn’t hold my curiosity anymore,” seeing Hyunjin’s face ashen she hurriedly continued, “I paint too. Well, at least I used to before I came here.”

“You paint?”

“Yes,” Hyunjin couldn’t believe his ears.

“Would you- would you like to see my paintings?”

“I would love to.” This was the first time he saw her smile that bright since the wedding day. There was no doubt that it was true, that she was not just mocking him. Hesitantly, Hyunjin unlocked one of the trunks and brought out a small painting of a magnolia they had in the palace garden. (Y/n) gasped and Hyunjin quickly looked at her face for signs of disappointment. “That is so beautiful. It looks more real than the paintings I have seen in botanical books,” her eyes were dazzling with amazement. This encouraged him as he brought out more of his paintings, always checking to see how (Y/n) was reacting.

One would say that the chambers were back to how they used to be with how canvases were spread across the room. And amidst those paintings were the princess and the prince, in their little world. “Will you teach me how to paint like this milord?” shyly she asked. But even her shyness could not hide the excitement in her eyes.

“Of course. But only if you stop calling me milord”

“Then what should I call you?” Hyunjin chuckled at how adorable she was.

“Hmm, you could call me Hyunjin, Hyune, darling, love, whatever you wish angel.”

(Y/n) hid her face in her hands. Hyunjin could only giggle seeing her flustered. But even his ears felt hot. He did not mind; he was happy. This was not the type of happiness he felt after completing a sketch or reading a ‘happily ever after’ ending. He hadn’t felt like this for a long time, since after his mother passed. He did not feel judged when (Y/n) picked up the canvases and looked closely at them. She was not disappointed in him, rather she looked like this was everything she could ever ask for; she looked happy. And Hyunjin wanted to paint that happiness on the white canvas, he wanted to paint her. Hyunjin had found his muse.

#skz #stray kids #skz fanfic #stray kids fanfic #skz imagines #stray kids imagines #kpop fanfic #kpop imagines #hyunjin #hyunjin fanfic #hwang hyunjin #hyunjin fic #skz angst #hyunjin angst #hyunjin x reader #skz x reader #skz x reader angst #skz hyunjin #skz fluff #stray kids fluff #hyunjin fluff #hyunjin x reader fluff #skz royalty au #royalty au

[silent-littles-blog]

Hi hi hi! I’m melatonin! Do you wanna be friends?

I have a request if you don’t mind could you do Cg pomni x fem baby regressor reader? Maybe with mentions of stuffys playtime packs and baby bottles

Only if you want to ofc!

Thanks a lot!

-Melatonin💘💉

Cg Pomni x Fem baby regressor

Theme: Stuffies, playtime, baby bottles

I am using more broad tags, if this isn't your tea, just skip this and continue to other posts

· ─────────꒰🎪꒱───────── ·

[ Prologue ]

I hope I did well! Ive never done fanfics before, so this might suck. I am better at writing casual things with characters I know (preferably OCs)

It's been a long time since the Digital Circus welcomed a new member with open arms, so your sudden appearance shook everyone up. For a moment, everyone remembered that despite the saturated colors of the circus, the infinite dimensions they could explore, it never made up for the life they had before.

Pomni had a horrible time adapting to the circus, which eventually graduated into an argument with Caine. Though, after the harsh exchange of arguments, Caine decided to study human behavior closely, but very secretly without admitting it upfront.

You found yourself in the circus about a month ago and so far it's been traumatizing. A new name has been picked for you, ‘[name]‘, a silly one at that. You've been introduced to new activities and new people, but your memories have been taken away. You knew something was missing, you don't belong here, but you can't do anything about it.

Frankly, Pomni had the same issue. She's been here for six months, Ragatha introduced her to age regression, as Gangle showed signs of that first. Pomni adapted the coping mechanism quickly and it helped her on her journey to recover. She's been a flip now.

Pomni has noticed your strange behavior, the sudden anxiety and stress that plagues your mind whenever you seem to get deja vu. It feels like you've been uncomfortable when approached with childish things. Being offered toys, or even confronting attractions around the circus yourself.

She introduced you to age regression a month ago, but so far, it's been no help. Only today, Pomni stumbles upon you regressed as she enters your room.

[ Story begin ]

"[name]?" A silent squeak escapes Pomni's mouth, a tone that makes her worries clear. Her eyes dance around your room, with no sign of your presence. Only when Pomni sets her foot in, her ears capture soft giggling coming from beneath your bed. She cocks her eyebrow as she keeps the door open, assuming the worst, has the anxiety got to you? Did you finally abstract?

She keeps herself on high guard, "[name], I- I can hear you. Where are you?" she speaks as she advances further into the room, closer to the bed where you dwell. Suddenly, you crawl out fast, striking her feet with a soft grasp. Pomni gasps and almost allows a scream to escape her throat. Her eyes are wide open as she stares at you in shock, suddenly noticing the hand-made paci she's made you a week ago.

"Oh my... hello little one!" Her eyes sparkle with the sudden surprise, she kneels down and gently tucks her hand under your arms, lifting you up and pulling you on her lap. "You scared me! Such a scary little thing you are." You giggle under your pacifier, hands put together as you let her embrace you. Pomni slowly stands up with you in her arm and she coos at you, she can't contain the excitement about finding you regressed by yourself.

"You must feel pretty bored, no? Hiding under the bed, let's take you outside, yeah [name]?" You squeal silently and clap your hands together, and off to the door you go. Pomni carried you into the main hall, finding Ragatha and Zooble enjoying some tea time together. They both face you in Pomni's arms, Ragatha gasps, covering her mouth with her soft hands. "[name]!" She happily crows.

Pomni sets you down on the ground to let her arms rest and stretches a little. In instance, you crawl to Zooble and Ragatha as you notice the colorful blanket they are sitting on. You get yourself comfortable in their presence, Zooble coos at you and Pomni quickly rushed away and you stared at her with a whine, but in a moment, she was back with some blocks and stuffies in her arms. She set the stuff on the blanket, showing you a cute, fluffy teddy bear, a stuffed kitty and a stim toy with a variety of textures made from different materials. She took the teddy bear into her hands, "Hello [name], would you care for a snack!", she imitated the bears voice and pulled out a chocolate bar from her pocket. You squealed in excitement and took the chocolate bar with no hesitance.

For the time being, you spent the time playing with the three. Mainly snug to Pomni while Ragatha took care of snacks and food. Later, you began to be hungry, it hinting at your sudden shift in behavior. Pomni stood by your side while Ragatha disappeared to prepare you warm milk. She handed the bottle to Pomni, who then proceeded to bottle feed you, your eyes began to feel heavy gradually.

You finished your bottle and cuddled into Pomni, tugging at her hat for comfort as you liked how the bells ring. She picked you up and walked you to your room where she placed you upon your bed.

"Goodnight, [name]." She pecked your forehead with a kiss and let you rest.

· ─────────꒰🎪꒱───────── ·

#age re safe space #age regression community #age regressor #sfw agere #age dreamer #age regression #age regression sfw #agere community #agere #agere post #tadc pomni #tadc agere #fandom agere #agere fandom #sfw age regression #agere blog #agere writing #agere caregiver #sfw agere blog #agere little #sfw age dreamer #safe agere #safe age regression #agerespace #age dreaming #agere sfw #tadc #tadc fanfiction #sfw agedre #agedre blog

[devolawrites]

I originally posted this on Twitter, and tbh I'll probably get the worst cringe in a day and delete the thread and this as well but I need people who have commissioned fics from me or at least know my writing to know what the actual mcfuck has been going on with me lately.

Re: status of my fic comms right now.

It's not that I haven't been honest with people, I have been, but probably not as honest bc I haven't been too honest with myself either? I am working on them. They will be finished. I guarantee that. But... I have very high expectations for myself. Ones that are, most likely, unrealistic. I am genuinely running on fucking empty right now and have been for the better part of six months now. Not that I was much better beforehand but it's been the worst in the past 6 months.

I'm very open and honest about being physically ill with fibromyalgia and endometriosis. Chronic migraines. Asthma. Spinal issues and the like. I also have bipolar disorder, ADHD, OCD, C-PTSD and, while not diagnosed, am likely touched by the tism as well. As such, I take (or I should say am supposed to take) a lot of meds daily. I haven't been able to take them bc I've been getting violently ill immediately after taking them and no one can figure out why! I also work full time and have been attempting to finish my masters.

That, right there, is baseline 'what the fuck mary take some time to yourself' but, lol. lmao, even. Then my life fell apart in March. How so?

In the span of one week: someone I considered a family member passed away. I finally allowed myself to be open to someone about how I felt after two horribly abusive situations only to get the kindest, gentlest thing ever said to me while also being turned down INTENSELY. And then found out not even 10 minutes after said FAMILY-ZONED (not even friend zoned FAMILY ZONED do you know how weird it is to tell someone you have feelings for them only to get told 'oh i see you like a sister i've never had' and just wanna die) that your best friend died.

Via fucking Facebook message.

And then that week also be the one year anniversary of my Nana's death which I'm sure still was malpractice but we'll never know for sure and I'm still bitter about it. Needless to say, I spiraled. Very badly.

I was already stressed from paying for fixing my car and finding myself needing the extra money from comms more and more and piling on more work on myself bc lmao bills and making my back log even worse and now I felt horrifically alone and vulnerable and embarrassed. And, to be sure, I still did put work out. But I also struggled with a lot of comms that I genuinely had been excited to take on only to find myself just... unable to do them. For one reason or another. Writers block? Feeling like it wasn't meeting expectations?

I'd ask other writers for help. For suggestions. For feedback. For other angles to approach shit. And I got fantastic advice. And still, nothing budged. I literally had burnt myself out and was still trying to run on empty. On fucking fumes. And I still am. And, I'll be honest, it also did sorta sting when I'd finally get work posted and then I'd just... idk. Feel like it flopped. Either with the person who comm'd it or with people in general and that's bc of how Twitter's algorithm hates creators but it's hard to not internalize.

And it made wanting to write and wanting to work on things so much harder because it became less and less about wanting to do something I genuinely enjoy and wanting to smush yalls Barbies around and felt like an obligation with no reward. And that's not yalls fault, truly. But I internalize that shit really hard and take it as a 'you're not doing this right, no wonder people would prefer others write shit and not you, you can't keep up the schedule you made for yourself.' Which is why my timeline even changed in March.

I tried to make a more realistic turnaround time, with the same disclaimers. I even mentioned to people that they'd be on a WAITLIST. And I still feel like I'm not working fast enough. Not because of any pressure from those who have paid. But my own brain. And it sucks.

Because it's making me spiral and making it even worse and it's a snake eating its own tail because if I can just get out of this fucking cycle of doubting myself and feeling like it's not gonna be worth it, I can conquer this shit. I owe so many people so much and I just... I feel horrible. I know that I should refund like, most if not all of you at this point. I just haven't had the funds to be able to do that, tbfh. I only just was able to get caught up on bills these past 2-3 checks. And if you want a refund, please, tell me! I'll do it!

But I think once this batch I have currently listed on Trello is completed, I'm closing comms for a good fucking long while. And learning how to actually enjoy my writing again. Because right now, I don't. I don't enjoy sharing my work and getting no boosts. No comments. Kudos are nice, don't get me wrong, and I love every single kudos that I get, when I get them. But it's hard to not let the self doubt and self critique fester. And again, this is not any of yalls fault. It's my own. And I don't know how to fix it, tbh.

So, once these comms are up, it's gonna just. Stop. I'll probably work on my own stuff, but I didn't even do any of the ship week content that I wanted to do (wolchefant, wolcred, wolmeric OR wolstinien) because I didn't want to upset those who I owed work to.

So, that's the state of me as a fic writer right now. It's more theory than practice, at this point, and I'm just... I'm trying, I really am. I have so many drafts in my google docs right now and I hate everything I've written so much that I'm starting from scratch every time.

Which is why the Trello has, for the most part, stood still. I'm not blowing you guys off. I just genuinely have nothing to show. And I'm sorry.

#literally crying writing this bc i hate feeling like a disappointment and a failure #but i am!!! i am letting people down and it sucks!!!

[orcelito]

Super sexy me is so sexy I accidentally set off the fire alarm while baking pie shells for my pumpkin pie. And now I don't know if I should've even baked them in the first place. But well. Too late now 👍

#speculation nation #i am not a fucking baker so something always goes wrong when i make these pies 😭😭😭 #but i am craving my grandma's pumpkin pies... i gotta bake them myself if i want them rn... #see the thing is ive previously bought pre-baked like. graham crusts #but i was like 'that crust sucks lets get a different thing' #so i got tbis dough shit that i put into pans. the box said to bake it. and so i was like ok cool #then as they were in the oven i looked at the pumpkin pie recipe for starting the filling #and then saw that it says 'unbaked shells' and so 😥😥😥😥 #but too late now and it worked fine with the graham. and well. the filling is what i care about the most. #the crusts are just an excuse for having pie filling. #anyways i did set off the alarm. i think it's bc the oven was on so hot #the box says 450 which is hotter than i ever usually do. the pies themselves ask for 350 #so well i turned the oven off and i have the microwave fan running #which oh yeah the fucking handle to my microwave fucking broke. it fucking broke. #i think i'll duct tape it or smth lol. microwave itself works fine still. and i dont want people in my apartment. #it's just the bottom part but it sure did just. splinter off. that shit is Broke broke. #and i scared the shit outta my cats And me with that damned alarm. and now i am just waiting. #calming down some. chilling the crusts. soon i will resume making the pie filling. #it's not like it even takes much time i am just. Nervous now. #i wanna let the oven cool off more b4 i have it going for like 45 mins lol #the crusts are kinda ugly. one of them is inflated on the bottom. these pies r going to be disasters. #so long as they still taste good......thats what i care about the most... #maybe my crusts will end up nuclear... if that happens tho ill just eat the filling out of the crust... its fine... ill be fine... #😭😭😭😭😭😭 why is everything so hard

[phoenixcatch7]

Man I am just SO CONFUSED. About the time line of this game.

No one is telling me how long links been gone! Or how long the botw-totk timeskip was! They all just started selling my stuff again lol. I'm going to have to get everything redyed!

Me: hey random stranger! Lore dump? You look like a lore dumper.

Kindly npc: why hullo there, link ^^! My, I haven't seen you in a while since the calamity ended! I was so worried when they said you and the princess had gone missing! But it's good to see you're well.

Me: aw, thanks. How long has it actually been tho.

Kindly npc: ^u^

#Having a great time btw I've just been chased across a near sea of miasma by stal riders and more! 10/10 nearly died in a high speed chase #Made it out relatively unscathed which is truly amazing lmao #Spoilers ahead: I have had the funniest time doing the great plateau quest chain. Once I sucked it up and made nice with the creepy statue. #He's(?) been alright. Fair trader. Good deals. I've mostly been terrorising kohga in between absolutely failing to craft working vehicles X #His new boss fights are so much easier than the first one lol. Less fun I'll admit but the music is groovy. You can probably make a #Machine and try and dog fight him but with few exceptions the turning circles are decrepit so I just stuck to mild dodging and shooting him #And running over to hit him some more. Kinda bland for a boss fight I'll say. Could have done with a lot more pizazz. It's kohga come on. #Anyway I do feel kinda bad because apparently he's been stuck down there for however many months/years and I AM kinda cheating with the arm #After the first fight he fled to the gerudo mine and the steward very nicely showed me how to get there but never underestimate #My procrastination because I'd already found it by just exploring so I just teleported. In game it must have been terrifying lmao #Racing across an endless void filled only by the light of your rapidly running out of battery glider and the red glow of the gloom away fro #The apparently immortal ancient warrior who beat you up and tossed you down there and there's no sign of perusal so you're probably safe #But you get there and he's already sitting there poking some bananas having wiped out your goons and plundered your supplies. #Like sorry man but the arm comes with the hero territory I can't exactly take it off. #Maybe if you stopped terrorising the people purah would let you have one of her long distance teleportation slates. It comes with photos? #It can't have been long since botw link hasn't grown an inch XD. Also I've been turning the lore timeline over in my head and still no idea #Are we not sure Rauru isn't from some alternate timeline that got fused with the main loz timeline by accident?? #loz #legend of zelda #totk #loz totk #tears of the kingdom #loz tears of the kingdom #totk spoilers

[suncaptor]

yeah this cannot go on i need to take something like my chest is exploding i can't calm down it's 7am i feel insane insane insaneeeee

#though I HAVE successfully testing that ldn gives me an insane amount of (anxious) energy when i'm on a 3-4mg dose but then i get foggy and #empty at 4-5mg i think #i'm not sure if i should go down to like 2 or try to find the window between #i wish i just had like. a year to get meds right and heallllll so badly #but i can't afford going all the way down and having more relapses #i feel like i'm having aheart attack rn it's so bad it's so acutely painful #and it's so weird bc it's so empty #too like last month i was so full of everything and especially uh attachment fear but now it's just like pain empty screaming pain #i think it's the not eating food enough thing #i mean I DID eat MANY crackers today. rolls eyes #not enough hhh #i know theres so much i have to get done but like ic annot do anything i can't even message anyone i can't i need to get sedated #i don't know if i should try having MORE ldn or ritalin (probably not bc it doesn't sedate me like adderall) #or just hydroxyzine or muscle relaxers #hydroxyzine is looking like the most likely option #bc i still associate muscle relaxers too much with trauma i can't take them they scare me #i feel like i'm dying #i don't think you guys get how fast i'm typing rn like i am going fucking insane if i die of a heart attack for real it would suck huh #no i KNOW this is panic i KNOWWWW i'm panicking but i also feel like i'm going to throw up and die forever it's so bad i feel so so bad lik #i don't think people get how bad everything is i need it to all calm down and stop i need it to get better i am not okay holy shit #you know what everything in my life might not feel fixable and i am letting all my professors down but I can probably take incompletes wors #comes to worst i need to take hydroxzyine sleep and then cave and buy some food tomorrow #like what's happening now i #there FEELS like there's a SHAARP HOOOK in my CHEST IMAPLING ME #if i sedate myself enough i might be able to communicate with people for real instead of burrowing my head into the ground forever and ever #yeah okay i'm taking hydroxzyine #i feel like the problem with antihistamines now after last year is [redcated] #trying to convinc emyself this is not a suicide attempt or self harm i just need to calm down hahahahafih;aeifahe;wifahewifae #that's what they're PRESCRIBED for #i think i want benadryl instead though bc it's shorter and it also makes me head clearer i wonder if i have any i think it's not here thoug

[cinnamon-phrog]

Do you ever see a take in a fandom tag and you're like HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHH

#it was SO contradictory too ugh. and a mutual liked it! #you disrespect me. you disrespect my whole family #you call us 'stinky poopy babies' #you punched my wife. you kick mah baby you KICKed my FOCKin BABY #you ate our dog. YOU ATE OUR HOUSE #/ref #it's always the people i like too. everytime i want to find a d/ hmis artist or mutual BAM they're mean petty and even a nonce #and mean to peoples with hc's like mine. yes yes it happens in every fandom but not to the point where literally everybody sucks! #aside from my mutuals who are casually into the show you guys are boss <33 #a d/ hmis artist will tell me they don't care/ even like my hc's and i'll feel great #a couple months later and they're talking shit about it or liking posts about why people who have said hcs are somehow predatory #as if there aren't actual predators in the tags and their little supportive minions running amuck. who draw LITERAL cp of Yellow #i'm not mad anymore i've become very numbed to this. i end up losing 'friends' to the point where i don't know how to make them anymore. #'course that doesn't mean i'll stop trying though. but give benefit of the doubt and be MASSIVELY let down. #or assume the worst. be RIGHT and yet still be somehow worse for assuming. #so i'm just gonna not interact. i'll still put my s/elfship stuff in the tags though i am above guilt or shame now. Look At My Post Boy #cuz like if all these people can get away with being petty and two faced then i can get away with smooching puppets #make Love not War

[possiblytracker]

coughs loudly. scheduling this post for slightly later today so i have time to get lunch and not chicken out before it goes up

firstly i gotta apologise for dropping off the face of the earth. in hindsight it was creeping up on me for a long time I just didn't think anything of it/had enough stuff going on to ignore it for a while, but ive been wrestling with pretty abysmal mental health that just kinda hit me like a truck back in august. i wont get too much into it but things just ground to a halt and in the span of a week or so it legitimately felt like i stopped being a Person- i just stagnated, felt like i lost the ability and will to do anything or enjoy things or create like i used to, all my energy went into keeping it together in front of my family, and it made me way too anxious and ashamed and guilty to want to show my face. like who would want to put up with my stupid bullshit, right (wrong! that idea just made me unbelievably worse and i regret it extremely, but my anxiety was going extremely unchecked at this time). i don't think i've ever been that depressed before and i didn't at all know how to handle it or begin to claw my way out

fortunately, a combination of getting exercise + touching grass regularly and new enrichment/hyperfixations to latch onto like an orphaned duckling are very recently kicking some life back into me so to speak. who wouldve thought. and now where i used to still feel stomach-turning dread and paranoia thinking about getting back on tumblr and discord a week or two ago, it finally feels like i can handle dipping my toes back in. i'm making this post first bc i know most of my friends will see it, and that feels less taxing than explaining myself a bunch of different times over and over and dragging it out, but ofc i will try and get back into conversation when and as i can (askbox and discord is still best to reach me if you wanted). i'm just really sorry, and I hope you can forgive me, for making you worry or otherwise

i'm not sure what to do from here (i'm considering maybe moving main blogs to a clean slate eventually? this one will still be here i couldnt bear to get rid of it, i've just had it since i was 16 there's Baggage attached) but i'll be trying to ease my way back into relative normalcy before doing anything big ofc. in the meantime i will be vaguely floating around here again. see you around and thank you for your time..

#cryingcat.png #god i hope tumblr doesnt send out a stupid notifcation to all followers that i posted i dont know what the time limit for that is but augha #here i am tho either way #vent/ #i have missed people the entire time it is very hard to describe how stupid and cowardly it feels knowing i Could come back at any time #but also being utterly paralysed and afraid to do so. like surely i could just suck it up and i Tried but i am so so mentally unwell #i need to work on how fucked up my freeze/flight response to stress is really bad it ruins my life but i am still too unemployd for therapy #so my broke ass just has to deal with unpacking my own shit for 2 months/j #anyway the point is even tho i am getting better somewhat irl ive still been struggling to pluck up the courage to come back online #but i can't keep it up forever and completely shut down just bc it makes my anxiety superficially feel 'safer' #so here i am. feeling slightly less full of dread. bc i at very least owe it to everyone to let you all know im not dead or something idk #and i also owe it to myself to not be miserable on purpose forever!! #now i just have to get everything unmuted and wait for this to post see you on the other side

[iratusmus]

#hi im not dead !! tee hee #anyways its incredible how like 99% of the absolute most bonkers scourge takes #come from people who entirely erase her existence from his life! funny how that works huh #like you dont have to ship them i dont care. frankly ride-or-die evil besties fiona & scourge is something that i would 1000% be down for #being the aroace sonic truther i am. #however. if you rip her completely out and throw her to the wayside #despite the fact that she has been a major part of like all of his appearances after he becomes scourge #then there is a 99.9999999999999999999% chance your takes suck horrifically #and also you do not understand scourge as a character. or sonic for that matter since a lot of the time the terrible takes overlap #i was about to say ''i cant believe i came out of an entirely unannounced 3 week hiatus just to complain #about the fandom's take on something to do with archie sonic'' #but actually this is incredibly on brand #anyways fiona justice. its so sad its so sad #like whenever i post something with fiona in it and somebody tags her i immediately go check their tag #just to find that my 3 art pieces are the only things in there #come on guys lets do better #well. actually given the way half the fandom treats scourge im not sure if i want them touching fiona #well . then i guess *ill* have to do better #make it four art pieces instead of three

[littlebittywildflower]

I miss you. I think I probably always will.

#misunderstanding or not it doesn’t matter #you hate me and because we never even talked it out I don’t actually know what happened #I love you #I always will and you will always be like my brother #I grieve over it but I know I gotta just deal #life sucks sometimes #people leave #you are the reason I can’t let anyone else close to me though #kinda funny in a way #I am happy and love my life and my husband and I would never have healed if it wasn’t for you being my big brother #but losing you made me shut down any ability to make friends #I am too scared I will misread another situation and fuck everything up and lose someone I love so I just don’t allow anyone new close #my husband told me today he is scared I will become reclusive and lonely homesteading #I don’t know how to tell him I won’t ever make new friends

[anaalnathrakhs]

i want to hide in a hole

#my friend celebrates her birthday in a couple days #and i KNOW how important it is for her that people make an effort #and dress up and shit #she gave a theme for the party and all #she was so disappointed when her family refused to make that kind of effort #but man jesus christ am i not in the place to dress up #am i not in the place for anything actually lmao #i feel like shit so fucking constantly #i can handle putting on some nicer clothes but like.... a theme. a fucking theme. how do you want me to do a theme. #i have one good pair of pants. one skirt. five thousand baggy yoga pants i wear every day. #i have silly tshirts. i barely even wear them anymore. #i can't keep letting people down like this #especially since i was all like oh no that sucks :( that's not very nice of them :( when she told me abt her family not being dressed nicel #regjherkjrhehkhr fuck me i hope the gifts are pertinent enough to make up for that #broadcasting my misery #vent

[darlingfreddie]

Ugh I hate feeling so frustrated and hopeless because of this pandemic, like it’s hard not to mourn all the opportunities or things I’ll be passing up because I can’t afford to get sick. And it’s also hard not to mourn all the ways my life would be been different in the future if it hadn’t happened to begin with 🫡

#I’m okay just feeling really down about covid #I miss going to the movies. I miss walking around the mall and seeing other people’s bare faces #without worrying if they have this virus that could kill me #it’s really sad and it sucks and I know there’s nothing we can do about it now #but I think it feels even worse bc the government doesn’t give a fuck about us anymore #it’s like if we die then we die and who cares and it’s like how am I supposed to be hopeful in a situation like this #sometimes I wish really hard for this to all be a dream and just go away when I wake up but it never does!!! #like life will never be normal again isn’t that crazy #who else feels the same way let’s talk about it lol