#but goddamn do they haunt me

[olives-ails]

I see thousandths of ghosts right here

Every time I grab a doorknob and see scenes of a terrible fate to befall me

Every time I sink into a car and see terrible terrible crashes before my eyes

Every time I step and watch as my whole body breaks down and burns away

It is in every action I do

A constant echo of dread in the way my fingers twitch and my heart thumps

Thumping harder and harder to remind me I am not the bloodied girls I’ve seen

Not the scavenged corpses of me

Behind my ever lip quiver and voice crack there is a picture seared into my mind I’ll never be able to explain

Shown to me despite me begging not to see

Pleading to please

Please

Please

Don’t make me see

I always see them

I always see me

See them

Rotted and ruined

But I have to keep breathing after

Can’t become the girl I’ve seen in each and every frightening flash

#anxiety #my own vents #writing #poetry #short stabs #tw death #death tw #I have no words for what these are called #but goddamn do they haunt me

[scattered-winter]

there's something sooooooo heartbreaking about quests as a narrative piece. you set out on this journey to rescue someone or defeat a great evil and along the way you face hardship and horror and you grieve and fight and love and lose and then when it's all over you come home. everything is the same as when you left, but you're so irrevocably different that you no longer fit in the one place you used to be truly at peace. you're tired from your journey but you find no rest or recovery, only ghosts. and you almost wish for another quest, another dangerous mission, because at least then you know your purpose.

#hi sorry i just rewatched the lord of the rings trilogy and im in A State #its just. the concept of leaving your home with your 3 friends to go on a quest for something you don't understand. #you're all plucky and full of life and hope. #and then you're beaten down and nearly killed and you don't know if anyone's still alive or if you're the last of your friends left. #and you suffer. oh do you suffer. #and when the battle's over and it's time to come home you don't recognize the person you were when you left. #you're too traumatized and haunted by everything you've seen; everything you've suffered; everything you've done to survive #and you're a ghost in your own home because nobody from your hometown can understand. #and it's so painful and you're so so tired that when you have a chance to move on to leave your friends behind #for the sake of getting some goddamn peace ... #well what else can you do but take it? #im just oughoughoughoughough #this applies to both frodo and bilbo i think #the dichotomy of the scene where bilbo is Leaving the shire (running and shouting for joy because he's going on an ADVENTURE!) #and when he returns (beaten down and grieving and lost. a stranger in his own home.) #literally makes me gnawwww #im feeling some kinda WAY #winter speaks #tropes #on knights #<- rich inner world

[halflifebutawesome]

something something epistle 3 ending with Gordon on a beach something something Myhouse.wad. is this anything

#I hate hate hate the thought of just . Gordon being dumped on some beach somewhere but I won’t lie it’s been haunting me. #It feels like suuuuch a mean ending for him. To leave him alone. its fucking me up #Idk i don’t have real thoughts on ep3. it just kind of feels very cruel #Like a really really mean trick. idk #BESIDES THE POINT . happiness must be fought for etc etc do you guys remember Myhouse.wad cos i think about it all the goddamn time. #half life #gordon freeman #transmission #myhouse.wad #epistle 3

[puppydoggraham]

No frame will haunt me more than this.

Seeing Hannibal this fucking broken... Will Graham you’re a sick bastard.

#I’m going insane over mizumono again #fucking fuck fuck #FUCK!!!!!!!!! #listen I understand he couldn’t run away for yk reasons (THOUGH HE SHOULDVE) but fuck dude I wish he did god damn it will #incoming post about mizumono coming up I’m going insane #no but can I also say that I have never seen an actor…portray emotion THIS fucking good #Mads is literally the actor of all time #did he win anything for this scene specifically bc if fucking not that’s a goddamn crime #do you know how hard it is to make this expression like fuck this is insane it’s fucking insane #bro wasn’t even acting at that point he just became Hannibal dude #UGHHWJSKDJ I can hardly even look at the screenshot that’s how ill it makes me #ngl I will always have some beef towards will for not running away with Hannibal #this frame genuinely haunts me btw I’m so serious like #seeing Hannibal this fucked up…yeah #fuck #I. could write an essay on this frame and this frame alone #I think I will #maybe #mizumono posting

[rotisseries]

i think the most tragic thing in the byler fandom is that I have not seen any celebrity secret relationship aus 😔

#this is another “why don't you people like aus” post I guess lmao #“why is st*ddie so popular?” well you see those people write about a Variety Of Things. we have. fantasy. and spiderman #ok no I'm joking I know there's people writing a lot of aus I know this because they're sitting in my marked for later haunting me #(very sorry to the tumblr user writing the 1930s au and the other one writing the dirty dancing au I'm especially haunted by those 2) #I just have not felt as passionate about byler. in months. and am not reading my marked for later #so anyway I know there's aus. it does feel like we're still lacking some fundamental ones though. LIKE A GODDAMN CELEBRITY AU #do you know how bad I'm craving a good celebrity au rn #someone's probably written one I could probably go find one I just don't know what sort of tags to try #bc it could be like. band au! or actor au! or celebrity au! or twitch streamer au! like idk how someone would tag it #especially since I'm open to a variety of Known By The Public aus #I literally just need an au where they're famous sorry #stranger things #byler

[redwayfarers]

NIKA PERSEIS, the skysinger ARR ☆ Heavensward ☆ Stormblood

#ffxiv #nero plays ffxiv #nika perseis #ffxiv gpose #gpose #ffxiv wol #wol #warrior of light #gposers #hyur wol #hyur midlander #midlander #goddamn these gposes have haunted me. i wanted to wait till i was done w/ stormblood #i'm on the last patch so glams are not really gonna change much #and this is for the glams #also. for the jobs he has in each expac. but that's lore! that does not change! #also yes i will give my oc a little epithet who can stop me #atm he has the new sun title but like. skysinger is THE nika title #anyways. nika and expacs. #i might do a little glams per expac series as my next foray into gpose #in the meantime here's a general overview lmao #ff14 #hyur #human oc

[redding]

oh my GODDDD i fucking love the rick vs okafor argument in episode one holy shit it's so good. craig tate and andrew lincoln complement each other so well it's SO tense SO emotional SO interesting i will never be over it i fear

#rewatchinf my fave scenes and WJFJWJJCJDJXJ. #the way rick is railing against okafor and its like running into a (resigned borderline smug ish) brick wall until #the goddamn good soldier with nothing line OOOOH the way ricks face TWITCHES when okafor sits in his bed w a blade to his throat and taunts #rick with the mention of his daughter. the way okafor knows this js the only way to get him to heel and hes haunted by what hes done but #hes resigned enough to say they will make me kill you and your wife and your family and i will do it if you dont stay here. GOD!!!!!! #rick going from “just let me go” to borderline begging okafor to kill him the second it sinks it that he cant fucking go home #hes out of options he tried Everything & heres okafor saying it was all for nothing he already made the choice accept it theres nothing left #not even mentioning the fucking acting. absolutely incredible shit from andrew lincoln as usual and craig tate matches the SHIT out of it. #his line delivery in his little monologue when hes got rick on the ground INSANEEEE its so fucking good. #oh im having a fucking ball i love this show #towl #the ones who live #misc posts

[k1mdraculaa]

single mom core

#me <3 #haunted mound #sematary #batman #goth gf #emocore #why do I always got that sad look in my eyes goddamn 😭 #Spotify #fuck my ex his son misses him

[choking-on-roses]

It doesn't matter how long I live with ADHD or how many coping mechanisms I have...I *am* going to lose very important things and I *am* going to feel like a dumb little baby whenever that happens and get so frustrated I could cry. Why does my own brain hate me so bad? Do you understand how fucking terrifying it is to just FORGET important things in your life? It's scary and belittling and takes away your own sense of agency and competency every single time...

#adhd #personal #i lost my hanko #which is like. ARGH #i NEED it in order to sell my car #i cannot find it anywhere. it's in NONE of the places where i keep important things #so where did it go?? #i ordered a new one online for 3000 yen and i still have to take it to city hall to get it registered #which like. i have fucking work!! it's closed by the time i finish work! #so it'll take me forever to get it replaced and just. i have sooooo many things i have to take care of on my days off i don't have time!!! #like what if. i just could fucking find important things when i need them #it honestly feels like i have a goddamn poltergeist stealing my shit and making me go insane #my own brain is fucking haunted bro #anyway. i am VERY anxious about this. everything i try to do has 100 extra steps

[andthemoonwalks]

AOUGH the the dynamic between everything I've ever let go of has claw marks in it and the person I am is just pieces of the people I have known

#its two am so obviously im not at my best right now but GOD #you know when you never got a chance to enjoy something properly because you watched someone love it and while they still loved you you #never got around to loving it too #so coming back to it means you see them on every page and in every line that you like #why are you still fucking haunting me get your own goddamn life and let me read the books my girlfriend recommends to me in piece #(you have your own life and youre living it without me and maybe therein lies the problem. do you know that you would love her? #you would think shes the collest person on the planet and you would be right. maybe you Do think that. god. i just want to forget you ever #existed is that too much to ask? can i just have some peace and fucking quiet for once instead of you becoming the person i wanted to be #and still making my cry when i think about you for too long. god. what ever)

[hotdogmchiggin]

Hey anyone wanna see some of my old splatoon miiverse art.

Most of these were drawn for splatfests so they make more sense in that context lol. Like the venusaur was for the pokemon Red vs Blue splatfest.

#Homestly I forget that I drew a lot on miiverse and put probably too much time into my drawings #all of the pixel shading on these is hand drawn in case you dont know how miiverse drawing worked lol #it was fun and rewarding took literal hours so figured I’d post some of these here to see if people like and/or recognize them #also there was no zooming in at all so had to do everything in a tiny square on the wiiu gamepad. honestly a nightmare #i know someone somewhere on youtube did like a splatoon miiverse meme compilation and had a bunch of art with credit to the original artists #but then they put in the ‘IM STUCK BETWEEN FORMS’ comic as a JOKE at the END of the video and DIDNT CREDIT ME AT ALL #like you credited EVERYONE ELSE you seriously couldnt put my name on it :( #i forget the video and forgot to ask them to put credit but it haunts me to this day #also fun fact about the past vs future splatfest art. My internet cut out when i was trying to post it so I couldnt actually POST it #which is devastating on miiverse b/c you cant save drawings. its all one and done baby. #so i had spent like hours drawing this bitch and then i was stuck for a couple more hours freaking out and keeping my wiiu awake #while waiting for the internet to come back on. i was so upset lol. #in hindsight the coincidence of the technical difficulty was hilarious #i think out of all of these the venusaur took the longest? there was a looot of shading required to make the fade look right #uhh what do i tag this as #miiverse #myart #splatoon #damn just realized i probably drew these back in like 2015. wow #about like 8 years ago goddamn

[ftmbruce]

log entry bt-42: spiral:

the best kind of robin / he was killed because of me. i'd do anything to fix this. / i broke almost every rule i have to bring jason back. and i have nothing to show for it. he's really gone. sixteen.....

#gotham knights #jason todd #ooooooooo boy okay. where do i fucking start. #that fucking shaky ass breath to steady himself is haunting me right now. he is NOT doing good! not at all!! #bruce wayne you are a goddamn mess!!! #fixated on the line about breaking every rule like he was going to KILL for him. maybe it is time for a new utrh ..

[puppadumz]

Me, starting Haunted House Flippers after the explanation that the marriage dynamic changes quickly for the better:

"Aw, she's so mean to him, that must be what changes."

Me, 10 minutes into the first episode:

"Never mind, I would've committed homicide. Janet is actually holding it together pretty well."

Me @ Tom:

#haunted house flippers #the raccoon got me #the field biologist in me cannot #the second hand embarrassment #the station wagon #audio drama #podcast #horror podcast #the 1400s in AMERICA MY GUY ARE YOU KIDDING #a goddamn STATION WAGON #lee honey you're doing amazing #any car can be a hearse if you put a dead body in it #podcast recs #spooky podcasts

[theearnestonion]

I know that "this is not a place of honor" is a meme but I'll be honest I find the message sobering and haunting

#makes me think how small we are in time and how much horror we have the capacity to create. and just how long that will last. #it will survive to haunt the earth so long that we must send messages to the future like the goddamn golden record we sent to the aliens #because the dangers we create & bury in our blink of a lifetime will endure so long that we know just as little about the civilizations #who will find it as we do of extraterrestrials. #no I can't stop thinking about how much it reminds me of the golden record though. the simple communicative phrasing #meant to reach out to someone your not sure exists #the golden record asks us; 'do you believe in aliens?' #Long-term nuclear waste warning messages ask us: 'do you believe in the future?' #do you believe our warnings of manmade horrors beyond our comprehension will reach them? #can our creations last as long as our destructions? #we will live on beyond our lifetimes #and our ghost will mean death for those who meet it. #is that why fantoms warn you before they kill you in the stories? a desperate message from the living to warn you of what they left behind? #this is not a place of honor.

[psalmsofpsychosis]

#apparently this was a part of the original soundtrack and i never knew about it???? #anyway the way the Spirit OST continues to haunt me 23 years after its release #noone will ever do it like Bryan Adams did #that man put his whole pussy into making this goddamn soundtrack and he's the sexiest for it #Bryan Adams #Spirit The Stallion of Cimarron #music #fav #Youtube

[theimpossiblescheme]

I’ve been watching various LARPers on YouTube and seeing all of the effort they put into their costumes and characters, and... I know this is not an original thought at all, but I keep coming back to the idea of Gender As Costume for myself.  Like, yes please, let me be a man or a woman or a goddamn deer monster with fucked up antlers for a day, and then let me take it all off and go back to being an amorphous genderless blob at the end of the day.  Do Not Perceive Me unless I have crafted this elaborate persona specifically for the purpose of being perceived in a certain way.  There is no Amie--Amie does not exist.  There is no stage door where you get to see me out of costume.  There is only the character I’m playing that day.

#This is what happens at the intersection between Former Theater Kid and Nonbinary Adult With Dysphoria That Likes To Sneak Up You. :P #Of course the barrier to this--as always--is that We Live In A Society where actually being perceived how you want to be is just... #so ridiculously goddamn expensive. I do not have the energy for surgery or a new wardrobe or anything besides a binder #and I hate looking in the mirror every morning and thinking '... Well now I gotta go be this person all day long.' #I get 'miss'ed and 'ma'am'ed and 'she'd at my job during the week and while I don't expect little kids to understand what nonbinary is #I do at least expect the *adults* to get it or at least *pretend* they get it... but they don't so I have to go along with it. #If it's going to be a performance anyway I would like to be able to perform on my own terms for once. #But as long as I *look* the way I do and dress the way I do... it feels like that's never going to happen. And it sucks. #All this came about because I'm working at a haunted house this evening and I'm just like... can I just already have arrived in costume? #Do I have to show up As Myself? Do I have to go *anywhere* As Myself? Myself is boring--let me be a weird demonic goat man. #*Anyway*... #gender things #the schemer speaks