andthemoonwalks

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Just going to keep going bc what the hell else is there to do!

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it's fine, I'll just cry about it and then be over it (lying)

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soooooooo I need to never be conscious for a Sunday ever again, they're evil terrible bad days and I need to be put down like a sick dog

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weird day weird day weird day weird day weird day

#having a 'im the dumbest person alive And all my friends hate me' day #nbd #(sad and tired and want to go Home)

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buried so deep beneath your skin that you couldn't be rid of me until they bled you dry. claws dug so deep they leave splinters behind. fragments of every person you've ever had and then discarded.

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actually for real like. god. there aren't words to describe what he is to me anymore. he used to be my other half and now we're strangers. I thought he knew me better than anyone else and now hes turned himself into everything I would look for. if I saw him on the street I would fall in love with him. if I didn't used to know him I would want to know everything about him. if he wasn't a person that used to be my entire world, I would trip over myself to give him anything he asked for and in return he would turn me inside out and leave me in tatters on the street just like he did the first time around. he's still my best friend and he's also my greatest enemy and more than that hes someone that I don't know anymore but there are still parts of me that will never forget him for as long as I live. I'll never get rid of him because we were buried so far beneath each other's skin that hes still running through my veins. I hate him and I hate what he did to me and he has the audacity to turn around and be everything I want and everything I want to be but he's also still him. god. I'm going to tear my hair out and then shave my head brb

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AOUGH the the dynamic between everything I've ever let go of has claw marks in it and the person I am is just pieces of the people I have known

#its two am so obviously im not at my best right now but GOD #you know when you never got a chance to enjoy something properly because you watched someone love it and while they still loved you you #never got around to loving it too #so coming back to it means you see them on every page and in every line that you like #why are you still fucking haunting me get your own goddamn life and let me read the books my girlfriend recommends to me in piece #(you have your own life and youre living it without me and maybe therein lies the problem. do you know that you would love her? #you would think shes the collest person on the planet and you would be right. maybe you Do think that. god. i just want to forget you ever #existed is that too much to ask? can i just have some peace and fucking quiet for once instead of you becoming the person i wanted to be #and still making my cry when i think about you for too long. god. what ever)

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"objectively physically attractive but in possession of negative rizz" is one of my favorite character concepts. i think it's so great when there's an absurdly hot person who's just a complete fucking loser. the mood is unsalvageable the moment they open their mouth kind of deal. you get no bitches because you're so sucks.

#brb i have to go work 'you get no bitches because you're so sucks' in my vernacular

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Fuck your dream job what’s your dream hobby that you don’t have the means to take up yet. Mine are falconry and aerial acrobatics

#fully thought op said 'felony' instead of 'falconry' and i said hell fucking yeah brother

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#yeahhhhhhhh august sweep

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What a year this week has been.

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in the world where my senior thesis title is "of mothers and girls: the cycles that can't be broken":

Okay well. What if my thesis is that yes mrs st charles screwed aroon up but it wasn’t her fault. What if she was actually just following the same pattern as has existed forever. What if she was just a girl and then she had a daughter and that daughter was just a girl and we’re all just girls and all we’ve ever been is girls and girlhood becomes motherhood but not always in a way that is wanted or planned and that’s never her fault. “She had had us and she longed to forget the horror of it once and for all” what if motherhood is a horror story because of all of the times that that girl did not choose to become a mother. What then.

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something something... I need to dig my teeth into you until you bleed to prove to everyone that you're mine but I have trained the restraint into myself so thoroughly that the only thought in my head is the fear of hurting you. something something I think you need it as much as I do and yet... something something a well-trained dog knows not to bite, knows to be gentle, knows to lick to soothe the hurt but I want to be feral. I want to bite, to tear, to maim, to know that you would have me anyway

#something something writing my senior thesis makes my molars ache because maybe i chose wrong maybe this hits too close to home maybe #its too much #something something i am my fathers child something something everything ive ever loved has claw marks on it #something something going without proper affection for so long means that now some days i am a rabid dog snarling and snapping and biting #at anyone who dares to stick their fingers in my cage #something something the latent cruelty woven into neglect something something............ i dont know. mommy issues i guess. what ever.

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adulthood is just doing the responsible thing and then getting stuck making polite conversation with the teacher that turned you against Christian education over and over again for the rest of your life

#i love you i love you i love you i miss you like breathing do uou know that? #quite literally Instantly regretted my decisions but its Fine were being Adults and its Great and So Happy About It (through gritted teeth)

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feeling like a person again!!

#ive made somewhere between three and six new playlists in the last 24 hours #(the core thing tying them all together is I Love You) #the sun is shining the tank is clean etc #this session is going to be So Good or so help me god

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and then some days it all comes crashing down on top of you and suddenly it feels like you haven't slept in six weeks despite the fact that you slept more than you meant to this morning and all at once everything is too much and nothing is ever enough and above everything else, you're hungry but you're hungry for something that isn't food and you'd rather die a bit than eat anything ever again and the liquid you're putting into your body comes right back out again and everything sort of tastes the same and like a muddy sort of green brown and—

#im Not losing it im just having a moment etc #I'll Be Fine #Everything Will Be Okay #Nothing Is Real And None Of It Can Hurt Me (and other lies ive told myself) #what if i make That my creative writing practicum that could be so fun lmao #anyway

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hi everyone I'm back on my hobbit brainrot bullshit. hope you don't mind