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pyroclastic727 · 4 years

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Owl House said fuck capitalism

So this episode was interesting. Lilith pretty much killed her sister. Why the fuck would she do that?

Even more interesting: why is Belos like that? How did Hooty put his head through one of those guards? Who the fuck is the Titan, and why does everyone like him? And how are these all tied together?

This episode was a metaphor for capitalism

...and another delicious step towards radicalizing the youth into dismantling this fucked-up neo-feudal system.

We’ll start with Belos.

Emperor Belos is a weird name, don’t you think? We all thought it was spelled “Bellows,” but it wasn’t. In fact, it’s five letters, starts with Be, ends with os, and describes a megalomaniac emperor that restricts people’s freedom in order to accumulate wealth for himself.

Sound familiar?

Emperor Bezos Belos created capitalism. He saw the beauty of magic and decided to make himself the most powerful.

Belos created a system that destroys the masses and boosts his power.

I’m dipping into fan theory a little, because the fan theory fits. We know that people get branded with coven magic that makes it so they can only specialize in one area. We know that Belos is the most powerful witch in the Boiling Isles. We know that the excess magic, magic created by restrictions, has to go somewhere.

It’s the same system that many viewers see all the time. A job takes up all your day and tires you for the night, so you can only do one skill for the rest of your life. Jeff Bezos is the most powerful man in the United States. Excess money, money taken by restrictions, has to go somewhere.

The magic goes to Belos, like how the money goes to Bezos. Belos created capitalism, and he won it.

The guards aren’t real.

Look, we’ve never seen their faces. They’re all the same. Why would you work so hard to get to the top, just to become a nameless, faceless killing machine?

Oh, also Hooty stuck his face through one. There is nothing under the armor.

Why? Well, it’s the same reason you see all those celebrities going around flaunting their wealth and bragging about how hard they worked. Like all those songs about how they grind every day and work harder than everyone else while you’re out clubbing, and that makes them dope. And then you take a closer look at them and see that they had a small loan of a million dollars fueling them, or an entire talent agency behind them, or their dad was a famous country star in the 80′s.

They’re fake. They’re hollow. They’re a ploy created by the capitalist emperor to try to delude you into working harder.

Let me put this into perspective. I guarantee that every single one of you has heard stuff like this: “Hard work makes you successful.” “I put in the work, and that’s why I’m successful.” “If you work hard enough, then you can be as successful as Mark Zuckerberg.”

And unless you’re a robot or really lucky, I’m sure all of you have failed at this. Maybe they told you that hard work would make you good at math, so you spent 22 hours a week working on calculus, only to pass it by 3 percentage points and have it destroy your perfect 4.0 GPA. Maybe they told you that if you talked to people enough, then you would make friends, so you spent a lot of time talking to people, only to end up lonely and friendless. Maybe they told you that if you did well in school, you would get a good job, so you spent all your time working hard to be a good student, and then ended up in a soulless, dead-end job.

The guards are there to delude you. Look, who really gains from you being productive? The answer is the ruling class, the CEOs, the government, the bourgeoisie. It has always been that. All you get from working is a paycheck that lets you survive. They get a paycheck that lets them get rich. Just like Belos gets the magic and productivity of the specialized coven witches.

The guards are there to trick you. The truth is that nobody can join the Emperor’s Coven. It’s just there to make you think that hard work will make you successful. Then you spend your entire life working hard, trying to prove to the person in charge that you’re worthwhile. You give your whole life to the Coven, and they give you nothing.

Magic is supposed to be something you pursue for fun. Being skilled at things, being good at something beautiful...that’s supposed to be something you do because you want to. But they took that and made it into a source of productivity. It doesn’t matter if you make good content. All people fucking care about is if you upload the day of premiere, if you make a lot of content quickly, if you maintain a million different conversations with strangers who expect you to be the most interesting person in the room. They don’t care how it hurts you. They don’t care how you crack from the stress. How you cry when you think no one can see you, and then you check your phone and someone can see you, someone did see you, and you have to put on your face and be the charming, magnetic person they want you to be. (oh by the way that’s why I wasn’t online much last week)

And it ruins it. Suddenly you can’t watch The Owl House without being stressed. You can’t make any content. You can’t make spells as powerfully as you want to. Your passion is replaced by perfectionism and insecurity, a voice telling you to keep being the best at what you do, or else they’ll forget you and let you die.

There’s also the Titan.

So nobody has mentioned him before, because in addition to the Boiling Isles being a hellscape full of witchcraft and queerness, it’s also full of atheists.

But suddenly we have people saying all this shit about him? Shit like, he gave witches the gift of magic, and then they learned to use it in a civilized manner, since being uncivilized was disrespectful?

I mean, first off, that’s fucking wrong. The island gives people magic. The island, which just so happened to be shaped like a titan-sized human. But the island/titan gives everyone all types of magic. Hell, even Luz gets to use magic, and she’s human.

It sounds really fucking familiar. (tw for discussion of homophobia and colonialism and misogyny). It sounds like when the news is on and they show some Tr*mp supporter talking about how fetuses have more rights than people and it is their holy duty to take away a woman’s control over her body and force her through unbearable pain and into an 18-year commitment she didn’t want to make. It sounds like all the times people tried to say homosexuality should be illegal, citing a single line in a book written two thousand years ago and heavily edited by a European king. It sounds like all the times people said God wanted them to conquer, to own the entire earth, to force the other races into pain to support them.

This is that bullshit thing people do where they commit awful sins and justify it by citing the will of God.

Or, it’s the Coven using religion as an excuse for evil.

Look, the Emperor’s Coven is clearly colonizer-coded. Saying that people’s original form of magic was wild (and showing a picture with the same joyous, rowdy energy of an 18th or 19th -century Black or indigenous party), and that it was God’s will for them to be “civilized?” Sounds like that thing that powerful white people did where they went and murdered people and forced them into their twisted capitalist system. God, gold, and glory, is what they said, because history books just love to omit the gore.

Lilith is passing the abuse cycle along.

You know, like a good little colonizer. God I fucking hate her. She’s a MILF, in the sense that she’s a Mother I’d Like to Fling off a cliff.

Ah, enough screaming about how much I want to drown Lilith in a tub of Hooty’s mucus. Let’s go into why I want to do that, and how she took the evils of capitalism and just...adopted those.

So, Lilith is sick and twisted for what she did to her sister. But, uhh, that’s the point. You see, there are so many other people out there like Lilith who would do the exact same thing, if given the chance. These are the people who do mean things when the teacher isn’t looking, and then act nice and try to frame you. These are the people who will hate you if you’re better than them. These are people who would do anything to bring you down, if you dare outperform them.

It’s greed, my friends. The mental illness that capitalism blesses us all with.

Lilith herself said it: she dedicated her entire life to the Coven. What she wanted was to be the best. And she almost was...except for her own sister. Someone who lived with her, annoyed her at home, bested her at school. Someone she could never beat, no matter how hard she worked. And her sister was younger than her, too! How insulting was that? Lilith wanted to be the best, and someone in her exact situation did better than her.

Lilith was insecure. And it consumed her.

But why? Why does insecurity consume her? I mean, no one can be motivated by insecurity forever. Well, not unless someone conditions it into you.

The lovely thing about the capitalist system is the morals it teaches you. Things like: “You’re only useful if you’re the best.” “Being school smart makes you smart, while being social smart or sports smart or creative smart or fandom smart is worthless.” “Your worth can be quantified by numbers and is based off arbitrary measures like your income or your grades.” Things that can and will drive us crazy if we let ourselves believe them.

And it did drive Lilith crazy. She got so twisted by a society that said being good at magic is her only worth. Look, Lilith used to be good at things, probably. She was good at sports. At times, she slips up and does an okay job of being Eda’s sister. She has a powerful presence when she’s in a room. And she’s wicked good at manipulating people.

But that didn’t matter. Lilith bought into the lies. She let herself believe that magical skill was the only way to measure her worth. And since she needed to be the best, she hurt Eda for it.

The beautiful thing is, Eda didn’t buy that. "It’s my power, kid. And before you showed up, I spent my whole life wasting it.” Is what Eda said, as she used up the last of her power, the last of her life, to save Luz. In her final moments, she proved that she’s not like them. She’s stronger than them.

None of this matters. Not magical prowess. Not the hierarchy. Not the promise of joining the Coven and having more power than anyone else.

The only thing that matters to Eda is her family. Her real family. Her Luz, King, and Hooty. And by extension, Willow, Gus, and Amity. Those are Eda’s real reason for fighting, for dying: to protect them. Look, there’s no way she would’ve come out of that fight alive. She has a family, and her love for them is stronger than greed or jealousy or capitalism.

Lilith never understood that. She thought the water of the womb was thicker than the blood of the covenant. Or, that the water of the womb and the blood of the covenant are stronger than the bonds of found family. She thought it didn’t matter if Eda loved, her, only if the Emperor loved her. Fucking bitch.

And now, a little something to worry about, before we go. Amity Blight. The girl who wanted to join the Emperor’s Coven more than anything, who dedicated her whole life to doing well in school, to being the best, to being perfect.

And then she met Luz. She fell for Luz. Now she’s in a tricky place, where habit and conditioning want her to join the Emperor’s Coven, but her heart wants her to do the impossible and destroy capitalism.

She wasn’t in this episode. Funny that being injured and unable to work ended up saving her from watching her future mother-in-law die. So she bought some time.

But Luz’s true mom is dead. This is the second mom she has lost, and she’s only fourteen. As powerful as King and Hooty are, Luz needs Amity. Luz needs Amity to support her and help her get back her mom.

So Amity has to make a choice. Fear and insecurity, or love and a high chance of death?

She’ll probably choose death. Because that’s the message that this family-friendly show is giving us kids. Fuck capitalism. All you need in life is to do what makes you happy and be with the ones you love.

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thechekhov · 4 years

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Would you say you’re good at math? And I don’t want to ask such a vague question so let’s say the standards for how “good” you are at math depends on your age. Or the culture around you. Dependent on the people around you, would you say you can do math well? Or at least can grasp the concepts well? Because, in my opinion, how intelligent you are is based on how quickly you understand something and not how much you know.

I would say... I find this question a bit misguided.

First of all, I you mention that you want to find out how quickly one picks up a concept has some link to their intelligence. And you may very well find proof for this theory, sure! But since you asked me I wanna say - I’m not convinced that it is as simple as you’re making it out to be, nor am I sure how math is a good vector for this discussion.

I personally believe in the theory that intellect is

Not a static thing - changes depending on your experience, how old you are, how tired you are, how stressed you are, etc.

Not measurable across several different ‘types’ - there is social intelligence, spatial intelligence, numerical intelligence, tactile intelligence, etc.

Not capable of being standardized enough to be useful as a tool for judging other people with.

We’ve all heard about judging a fish by asking it to climb a tree, but I concede...

Anyway, let’s take us back to your math question.

Am I good at math?

Well, for one thing, I appreciate that you took cultural context and age into account. So you’re judging me, presumably, against my peers who have been, again, presumably, exposed to the same amount of standardized math education. So far so good.

I was terrible at math in elementary school in Russia. I got very bad marks because my handwriting was atrocious and I didn’t get fractions. Then I went to America, and suddenly math was easy for some reason. I had, in fact, missed a year of math due to my immigration to the US, but then was put into a slightly higher-level class in Middle School. I was semi-comfortable in math in high school and often helped out others in Trig and Pre-Calc, but lost track of concepts after that and haven’t taken a single math course since.

Here’s where our yardstick of ‘how quickly you understand something’ falls away into a stretch of silly-putty.

I have spent close to a decade without having taken a single math course.

So - am I good at math? Right now?

No. I’m terrible.

Was I good at math before?

Sure, at one point.

When I had a good teacher. When I enjoyed going to school. When I had a relatively peaceful home life and didn’t have other things to stress about. When I had access to other people who were good at math who could help me out.

So the real question isn’t really about how well I pick up concepts. It’s also about my environment, about my mental capacity for picking up new information, about whether or not I had the emotional stability to focus extra energy on math vs., eh, I dunno, fending off my homophobic parents.

(For example, I was an ok student until grade 10, when my mother began to suspect I was gay and my home life tanked and my grades tanked with it).

So you ask - am I good at math?

The real answer is: I have no fucking clue.

Being ‘good’ at a subject is so subjective. You have SO many things to consider beyond just cultural context and age and available education opportunities. You also have to consider how much energy a person is willing to expand on thinking about that thing. About how much they decide to care about it. Because yeah, when I was relatively comfortably closeted, I fuckin LOVED thinkin’ about Trig. I could allot my braincells to it. But after I had other priorities in my life like ‘don’t let mom find you using the wrong pronouns’ and etc, you bet your ass my Shits-To-Give about Pre-Calc flattened to Z E R O and absolutely no one could convince me looking at some Funky Numbers was gonna be worth my time.

The real issue with asking people these questions is that you are trying to judge a person by how good they are at something - but that’s not something that is static, nor something that you can ever see in full. The effort it takes someone to be good at something is always invisible to onlookers. Someone could be really good at a thing and expand no energy on it. Someone could also be really good at something but spend all their time practicing to be good at that thing.

And in the end, the important thing is - DOES IT MATTER?

How ‘intelligent’ someone is doesn’t define their worth. Whether or not to interact with them. How ‘good’ a person they are. I’ve met people who were, by all definitions, Dumb because they didn’t succeed in the arbitrary education system, or because they didn’t test well, or didn’t do well under pressure when asked rapid questions. But they were incredibly caring and had a social intellect WAY beyond my own and were much more successful.

I’ve also met plenty of ‘smart’ people who thought that the fact that they were living cushy lives and were free to binge-read wikipedia articles instead of working part-time jobs to support their family at age 15 meant that they were somehow ‘more intelligent’ than some poor, exhausted kid who was using their energy to survive instead of memorizing random formulas.

And I get that you’re trying to level the playing field, I really do - but no matter how much you struggle to compare me to other people who are like me, or to other people still, our experience of learning math will nonetheless be different for such a variety of reasons that in the end, whatever answer you get will be absolutely pointlessly empty.

... I realize that this also sounds very lecture-y but this is something that’s very close to my heart because SO many people think themselves ‘dumb’ for not understanding things ‘quickly enough’, for taking time to grasp something despite being dead tired, for needing someone else to explain it to them in different words... for not succeeding in a system that only really measures one thing - one VERY narrow ability - The ability to Learn Information By Listening To a Lecture And Looking At A Blackboard For 45 Minutes Every Day, 5 Days A Week While Ignoring Other Real-Life Pressures You May Or May Not Be Facing.

And some of us may be really good at that.

But please, let’s not pretend that that somehow makes us smarter.

...

In my opinion, the real measure of intellect is how much you WANT to learn new things, even when you don’t necessarily NEED to.

It’s not about success, and it’s not about crossing the finish line first.

It’s about inquiry, and it’s about reaching for something new every time you get the chance.

#chekhov answers #chekhov rambles #sorry #i went off on one #again

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tester2080 · 3 years

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The Leaving Cert is an awful system.

09/09/21

In case you are not from Ireland, the Leaving Cert(ificate) is the exam system that determines which uni we can get into. Rather than having a GPA via continual assessments or any sort of entrance exam or letter of application we simply have one set of exams. There are obviously other exams (such as the christmas and summer exams in other years), however, the Leaving Cert exam is the only one that matters.

When you take a subject you can either do ordinary or higher level. Ordinary level is easier but rewards less points, and higher level is more difficult, but rewards more points. A H1 is worth 100 points (except for HL maths which is 125) and is given if you get between 90 and 100%. A H2 is 88 points and 80-90% and so on. An O1 is 90-100% in an ordinary level subject but only 56 points. There are some weird changes to the system when it comes to medicine but I won't get into that right now. Universities award places based solely on the points you receive. This leads into the first problem.

Whilst the education experience is a multi year process (6 years in secondary school in our case), what determines your uni course is a single event, often just a single week out of many years of learning. This is insanity and leads to so many obvious problems. A person could be getting H1s throughout the year and forgot to study just one topic and end up with a H3 in the leaving cert at the end, and a H3 student could get lucky and study a topic that happens to come up and get a H1. Even a single grade can be the difference between getting into the uni you want and losing out. The leaving cert does not measure you abilities as a student, your effort, or even sometimes your ability. The leaving cert measures your memory and how well you can perform on the day. You getting 100% in every single subject for the past 6 years and a family member dies a few days before the exams and it absolutely ruins your mental state? Too bad. In the eyes of the university you are not a good enough student. You are a perfect student but got a bit nervous and stayed up a bit late the night before to get some extra study in and are tired the next day? Too bad. You've been getting 625 in every set of mock tests but on the day your mind goes blank with the incredible stress, the knowledge that one test will determine the rest of your life? Too. Bad. There are no exceptions to the hand of the points system and claw of bad luck. You cannot explain to the uni. They. Will. Not. Care. Nothing else is taken into account. Students will have bad days. That's just life, we're all human. However that must be accounted for. Nobody should miss out on their life's dream because of a single day. That is absolutely absurd.

When you ask someone what education is about t. There is a filter type system for different categories of posts and all that, so if you're interested in what I have to say, I'd recommend going there for the better experience. I also have no fucking clue how to use tumblr sof you ask them what the leaving cert is about they will say it's about getting into uni. Clearly there is a disconnect here. Where has education become so distorted that now it is nothing more than a way for universities to quickly and easily judge us? Education must be about teaching children, not for some uni test, but simply so they can become more knowledgeable, so they can get a thirst for information, so they can locate their strengths and weaknesses, so future generations can live better lives than we will. University selections must be nothing more than an afterthought. It is even worse when the leaving cert is a horrendously stressful system. We put ourselves through sometimes 6 years of stress and bad quality of mental health to make it easier for universities??? What a ridiculous idea.

The leaving cert isn't even a fair way to judge students. Here, I'll be able to determine how good you're likely to do in the leaving cert with two simple questions. Do you have a good memory? Are you good at maths? If you answered yes to both, the chances of you doing well are very high and if you answered no to both - well - the chances aren't quite as good. A huge amount of the leaving cert is simply a memory test. I know the state will talk constantly about how rote learning is discouraged and all that, but realistically that's not the case. Take for example the English paper. You get to know which poets might come and which poems you can use before the exam. This mean your teacher can simply write you a good sample answer and if you can remember it, that's at least a H2 for that part of the exam. And as for being good at maths - if you're good at maths you already have 3 subjects which you can say with reasonable certainty you will be good at - maths, physics, and applied maths. Students who aren't good at maths have nothing like this unless they are fluent in several languages. A big problem when you arises most of the non maths subjects are based on memory, and the ones not based on memory are based on maths. History? Memorising essays. Irish? Memorising poems. Biology? A lot of memorising. Physics? A lot of maths. Accounting? A lot of memorising. This continues throughout basically all the exam subjects, with only maybe one or two exceptions. I know someone who hasn't even started 5th year, and yet they already know they're screwed and have basically given up on their first choice course because they have dyscalculia and a terrible memory. They can try as hard as they want, study as hard as they can, but realistically, they aren't going to come close to someone with a good memory and are good at maths who put in the bare minimum effort. It's bizarre too, given the amount of jobs that don't require either maths or a good memory.

The subjects you can study in the leaving cert is also extremely limited. You have to study Irish, English, Maths, and a third language. In public schools you then basically have the option of History, Geography, Accounting, Business, Economics, Art, Music, Religion, Chemistry, Biology, Physics and DCG. There are no electives to try out things similar to careers you might be interested or anything like that. Now those that plan to go into business will be happy I'm sure, however, for most other people, the subjects have very little in common with the career you want to do. You're doing law? I suppose a business subject might somewhat help??? You're doing computer science? Maths is kinda related. Medicine? Biology sure, perhaps a little bit of chemistry? But at most 2 out of your 6 subjects will actually be any way relevant to your career. To make it even worse, public schools have subjects in blocks. This means there will 3 blocks of subjects and you pick one from each block. You're super good at both physics, chemistry, and business? Well too bad, there's a very high chance you won't get to study all 3, and you'll have to pick up geography or some other subject you have no interest in. In some cases all 3 of the subjects you like may be in the same block, meaning you'll have to pick up 2 subjects you have no interest in and will likely be worse at. Once again, simple luck plays a huge part in the leaving cert. Going into 5th year, the subjects you're allowed pick will likely change your eventual points by around 30 or possibly more. Furthermore, private schools provide a massive advantage, often with your chance of getting good grades being around 4 times higher. You were born with well off parents? Congrats, here's an extra 100 points have fun. Absolute insanity. The leaving cert is really just determined by luck every way you look at it. Now obviously luck plays a part in everyday life too, but the leaving cert basically caters to the lucky, and a whole lot could be done to reduce the benefit they have based on luck alone, rather than quality of character, or time studied, or effort put in, etc.

I suppose I've reached the stage where I should stop complaining and start giving actual suggestions for improvements then. Fine. Firstly, remove the idiotic one exam process. Instead have some sort of GPA system with continual testing, so it shows how good a student is on average, not just on their worst/best day. Increase the amount of uni places available so that getting into the uni and career you want becomes more of an afterthought, rather than a constant stress looming over you. Add more subjects and electives that will be relevant to the career the student is planning to go into. Make learning and discovering your strengths and weaknesses and just enjoying life in general a main focus. Give students time to relax and do sports outside of school, even in 6th year (which is something basically impossible to do under the current system). Allow the tests that determine the GPA to be open book. Make understand more important than simply memorising. Remove the subject block system so students can do all the subjects they actually enjoy and are good at. I believe that the single test system is one of the reasons that private schools perform so well, by removing that, I believe the scores wouldn't be so far apart. However additions restrictions, or even total banning, of private schools could be implemented. After all, surely everyone deserves the same quality of education. These are children and teenagers for gods sake. There shouldn't be a heirachy of education based on their parents wealth. All students should be given the same opportunities. Private schools largely do better due to having better teachers. There currently isn't a large enough supply of very good teachers to go around, and the private schools can simply buy up the majority of good ones. We should pay teachers more, a lot of people thinking about careers may be dissuaded from teaching, despite having a passion, due to the low pay. Many good teachers also go to places like Dubai thanks to the better pay. Overall in society, teachers are sort of dismissed as a profession, and if we wish to improve the lives of the next generations, this must change.

#leaving cert #leaving cert 2021 #ireland #rant #complaining #politics

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ill-be-istj-if-no-one-else-is · 3 years

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Hello! Love your blog. I was wondering if I could get some typing help? I have a general idea of what I am, but that’s not saying much since I have a tendency to hop between a few of them (INTJ, ENTJ, ESTJ specifically). Either way, hopefully you can help me settle it.

I’m 22 and about to graduate from college. It’s been a journey, because I’ve transferred twice and changed plans a few times, but that’s the proper college experience, I think. One transfer closer to home can be owed to depression and Covid, while the first was simply me not meshing with the campus. I’m not too worried about how it’ll affect my grad school apps due to good grades and valid reasons.

Despite the schooling-related indecision, I tend to get an idea of what I want, then fixate on it heavily. Example: I recently tried to publish a novel I’ve been working on for years now. Realistically, I know the odds of getting your first work published and making enough money to start a career on it are beyond low, but a big part of me thought “yeah, except I worked on this draft consistently all these months and this feels right, so it has to pay off” – of course, it didn’t. That’s not to say it wasn’t worth it, but I’ve come to accept it won’t be that easy, so I’m going to focus on a job with more security first lol. That means proceeding with law school. Some friends might think I’m selling my soul by putting my dreams on the back burner. I disagree, though, because if writing is meant to be I can still make it happen this way but with more security. Plus, I’m used to having some higher objective to motivate me through each day, and I don’t like feeling aimless. To me, that would be settling for less: wasting time working next to minimum wage at some place I can’t see myself staying.

I’d like to think of myself as spontaneous despite knowing I’m really not. When I’m with friends, maybe, but I’m more than happy to do nothing on Friday nights, knowing I’ll be able to wake up early tomorrow and do whatever I’m doing at a decent time. That being said, I would be happy to hop on a flight across the world if someone offered to pay the way. I love travel, so I’d hope to find a career that makes that possible. The same goes for whatever work I’m doing. Ideally, I could move from place to place as I do my job, because I fear being rooted will keep me from seeing everything I’d like to see.

I’m definitely an introvert dichotomy wise, but if group work appears, I’m happy to make a plan and remind everyone when a due date is near, and I expect them to follow through or provide some forewarning. I’m not outright nasty when someone inevitably slips up, but I’m not going to give them an excuse either. Can’t relate since I’ve never had a problem with procrastination. Like, I’d say I’m procrastinating, but to me procrastinating is choosing not to get ahead on the project due next week while I have spare time now. That makes me sound like a robot or a liar, but I’m mostly just very aware of my limitations and have learned how to manage work in a way that keeps me from having to stress.

I have no idea how to end this. Quick notes? I’m ambitious but not competitive – literally cannot relate to envy, because I don’t think someone having something means you can’t have it too – you just have to work on/for it. I’m not very curious lmao. Like, I’m as curious as the average person, but I don’t care about how things work (Ti slacking?). Uhh, fandoms annoy me. Like, seeing fans distort characters and needlessly project onto them in cringe ways makes my brain itchy. I’ve been called insensitive. I can easily cut someone off after finding, for a fact, that they’re being manipulative. Whatever baggage they have, I don’t care. I don’t see the point in fighting for a relationship when a “friend” is working against you. I’m also the “advice friend” because I don’t have drama and seem to know how to diffuse it easily or cut it out completely. Now that I think about it, all of my closest friends have a lot of anxiety, so maybe I collect them and care for them a little since I have none.

Hopefully that wasn’t too much useless info. I think I’m mainly struggling on differentiating between lower Ne vs Lower Se. My indecision comes in rare bouts, so maybe that’s the weak Ne manifesting. Or maybe I’m lower Se for forgetting the larger scheme by focusing on material things like getting to travel and making a high salary? Whatever. These are things most people prioritize, though. Let me know if you need any specifics. Also, thank you for taking the time to read this! I really appreciate how informative your blog is and all the resources you share.

Hi anon,

To be honest I am really not sure based on this, and it might be good for you to revisit this after a little bit of time out of school. I would rule out the Ti-Fe axis, but I can actually see arguments for either high Te or high Fi My guess is high Ni if you have high Te you don't really sound like a high Si user - and part of what is tripping me up the most is that you said a lot of things that make me thing of high Fi and the spontaneity of Se or Ne, but there's a lot here that really sounds intuitive but distinctly not like an Ne user. So I actually think there are arguments for either INTJ or ISFP, and I actually lean a little more towards "ISFP with good discipline/time management" than INTJ.

Here's my thought process, which hopefully can get you started.

I do feel like transferring twice is a little abnormal (not bad, just more than the typical college experience of maybe one transfer and changing one's major once or twice) but COVID did fuck with things more than usual so no conclusions there.

The fixation on writing a novel and the long-shot of gaining enough success to focus on that full time - particularly right out of school or even before graduation - is either intuitive or possibly high Fi. I really do not think an ESTJ would have that idea - not that they wouldn't be a writer, but I don't think they would have had the same expectations surrounding payoff and would have assumed from the start that this will not be their career initially. For that matter I have my doubts on ENTJ, but it could be possible for INTJ.

The part about spontaneity actually fits really well with auxiliary Se or Ne, in that those types at your age will have moderation from Ni or Si respectively and will often want a combination of stability but also the ability to travel a lot and move around. The example you gave actually still seemed very spontaneous; a lot of ExTJs for example might really dislike doing nothing on a Friday night and would instead have something planned. What you describe sounds very go-with-the-flow, just in a low-key way.

The part about procrastination indicates that Ne is probably off the table but Se is possible; some SPs are pretty good at being realistic about getting things done and it sounds like you don't have the high Te motivation of "I must get this done early" (not that high Te users can't procrastinate or do things on time but not down-to-the-wire).

I often tie ambition/competitive nature to enneagram more than MBTI, but I will say a lot of Te users and especially Te-doms tend to be both. They don't have to be (and if they're only one, usually it's ambition over competition), but it's pretty common. Curiosity is complicated but not caring about how literally everything works does seem like it would rule out Ti and I'd fully agree there. The part about being frustrated by fandom distortion of characters is relatable to me and I feel that comes from a place of sensing, ie, were you not paying attention to canon, so that seems like a point towards high Se for you. The parts about advice and interpersonal relationships mostly just reinforce that you sound more like someone on the Fi-Te axis, which you already suspected, but again...being the advice friend, particularly from a caring position, seems more high Fi to me than INTJ; a lot of IxTJs (and definitely ExTJs) at your age are just not emotionally ready for that level of patience with anxiety. I know I wasn't.

I would also say focusing on the material things (travel, a liveable salary) is more in line with higher Se! Te users do have a measure of pragmatism, so again, can't rule out INTJ, but the travel especially is what's making me think Se is pretty high in your stack.

All in all? My guess is an ISFP with good time management skills, possibly with an enneagram 6 adding to the stability/pragmatism. That said I wouldn't totally rule out INTJ (possibly also enneagram 6?); I just think it's less likely.

#mbti #isfp #intj

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rabbitrah · 3 years

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To Anyone Still Kind of Fucked up about their Grades in Elementary/Middle/High School:

Whenever I see the posts going around with people rehashing grade drama from school like “Fuck that kid who would act like he failed when he got a 92″ or “Gifted children in elementary school all have depression now” or “Gifted children are whiners and know nothing about how shitty under grade-level kids were treated” and all variations thereof make me feel INSANE because people will act like academic grades in school is some kind of inherent, unavoidable class system. Even takes like “this is why the entire grading/school system is bullshit” don’t really work because every classroom, teacher, school, district, and country will handle assessment/grading differently. If you are carrying any of these wounds with you as a teen/adult I beg of you to realize that your experience was created by a number of things:

How assessment generally worked during your school experience (all your teachers probably assessed you differently from each other, but the “norm” or whatever experiences made a big impression will have molded your perspective on this)

How your family thought about and talked about grades

How your peers / their families / y’all’s community thought about and talked about grades.

Your own personal learning profile, history, and mental/emotional state.

Or to put it another way, your individual experience with grades was influenced by factors in all five “ecological systems” that affect a developing child:

[Image Description: A circle divided into 6 rings. From the outside going in, the rings are the 1. Chronosystem: environmental changes that occur over the life course. 2. Microsystem: attitudes and ideologies of the culture. 3. Exosystem: Extended family and neighbors. 4. Mesosystem: no description is given, but arrows indicate interaction between the 3rd and 5th ring occurs here. 4. Microsystem: Family, School, Peers, Neighborhood playground, Daycare facility, Religious organization, health services. 5. Child. End Description.]

(This is a theory developed by a guy named Brofenbrenner ... tbh Russian psychologists always had the best stuff to say about how the role of community in development. Thank you communism.)

So what you have to remember is that every single student is having a slightly different experience based on all the possible combinations of the above factors. Assessment in elementary, middle, and and high school is (or SHOULD be) nothing more than a tool to track learning progress for the students and teaching progress for the teacher. It’s literally just data. It should only be treated as data. Unfortunately this idea has routinely been corrupted by families who want their children to succeed at the highest level possible, teachers and administrators panicking about how poor grades could impact their funding or job security, and yes, a bit of a cultural meritocracy where we start shifting people into “smart” and “stupid” categories and treating them differently according to those labels.

Where painful experiences come from

They occur when one or more of your ecological systems makes you feel like:

Your grades are an end-all-be-all measure of worth (positive or negative).

Your grades are purely a measure of intelligence.

Your grades are purely a measure of effort (controversial. some educators/researchers think you should encourage kids to see all grades as a measure of effort, but this ignores other factors and may burden kids with an overly-powerful sense of responsibility.)

Your grades are meaningless and don’t matter at all (your grades are data. So they have value and matter. This perspective encourages kids to stop caring/trying.)

Your grades are the final goal (the grade itself is worth more than mastering a skill.)

Your grades and your classmate’s grades can and should be compared and ranked (not even going to go into why this is a terrible idea.)

A lower grade than usual, or lower than desired (by individual, teacher, or family) should be shamed/punished.

The individuals with the highest grades should be loudly and publicly praised (Victories should be celebrated and shared, but if grades are the measure of student success, then data is being praised instead of actual mastery/success.)

Other peoples’s grades are your business / Your grades are other people’s business.

So who should you blame for your painful experiences?

Maybe you had a family member, classmate, or teacher who inflicted a particularly nasty wound on you because of your grades (whatever they were). In this case, go ahead and ladle out some blame. But as for the larger, systemic picture, preventing this kind of damage means change needs to happen throughout the ecological systems. Families, schools, communities, government agencies, and more need to promote the idea of what grades are vs. what they aren’t and treat them accordingly.

What’s the Solution?

Obviously, such a large-scale change doesn’t have a single solution. That’s why education professionals have known this stuff for decades and kids are still having shitty experiences in school. That doesn’t mean a cultural and legislative shift isn’t possible, though. All such shifts come as the result of many coalesced individual changes. As an individual you can:

Place your own painful experiences into context. You were exposed to some subpar attitudes, misinformation, and stressful/humiliating experiences. As a result, you might have also inflicted some of these attitudes and experiences on others.

If you have any children in your life, or plan to have children in your life, remember that you are in one of their spheres of influence! You can contribute the perspective that grades are just data. Nothing more, nothing less. We can use them to say “Oh I understood this and didn’t understand that,” and sometimes to say “Oh, I slept badly the day before I took this test.” They should never be moralized.

Remember that the REAL goal is to master a skilll or a concept. This still applies whether you’re still a student or not.

Encourage a love of learning for learning’s sake in yourself and in the kids in your life. This is one of the most powerful tools you can have.

If you are a teacher you better know all this already!!!!! But here is a friendly reminder to carefully monitor how you assess, how you talk about assessment, how your students talk about assessment, how your coworkers talk about assessment, and how your students’ families talk about assessment! I could write more but LIKE I SAID you should KNOW this stuff. I shouldn’t have to tell you who Brofenbrenner is! Do your part!

TLDR: Grades and other forms of assessment are just data. While data is important, they are often treated as more than what they are. Your own pain related to grades is a result of many spheres of influence. The pain (or lack of it) in others is a result of their own unique spheres of influence.

EDIT: I don’t really talk about the facts of race, class, gender, language, etc that play an undeniable role in student experience. There is so much to be said on the topic and I encourage you to learn more about educational inequality as it relates to these systems. I just wanted to focus on specifically individual and cultural attitudes about grades and how they can cause harm to the individual.

#teacher tag

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gregorio-r-j · 3 years

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ECQ THROUGH THE LENS OF A STUDENT

Today my tumbler entry will be filled with my insight of the COVID Life from the perspective of a not so privileged student dealing with academics and early twenties life crisis.

That’s it? It’s been a year already? Where have my 2020 gone? – This question summarizes the whole 2020 journey of almost every one of us. Don’t you all agree that this is one of the worst years this generation has faced? I mean, just look at the left and right tragedies, disasters, war, human hostilities, global pandemic, and the number of unfortunate events that 2020 has brought. Could it be worse? Who would’ve thought that we can lose everything we love and enjoy in our daily life in just a blink of an eye? Looking back to March last year, when the first wave of COVID19 hit our country and ECQ was first implemented, we never have imagined that things will only get worse and this ECQ life will continue up to this day.

Honestly, setting aside the fear of facing the unknown virus and uncertain effects it may impose on our lives, I think the first few months of our ECQ and COVID life is so much lighter and better than how it is today. Whether we admit it or not, I think last year we all expect to be freed from ECQ at this point and be back to our normal life but the opposite happened. Back then we don't have many worries and all we are troubled about is not contracting the disease and how to cope up with being stuck at home with nothing to do and away from our normal and daily life. A lot of us discovered our ways to cope with the quarantine life and boredom. Trends are arising successively and people are sharing their love for diverse things such as Korean dramas, plants, American series, and other common interests. In my case, I found my simple joy in cooking and watching dramas too.

For some, it was a good time to reflect on themselves and return to their long-forgotten passion that they set aside to cope up with the busy daily life but for others, this was not the case. Well, if we look at it from a different perspective, these are just things people do to distract themselves from the continuous rise of the daily number of covid cases that leave everyone with fear and anxiety. This phase only lasts for a few months because the succeeding months are just too much to handle. Aside from the actual health crisis and economic problems the world is facing, we also have household matters such as financial issues, bonds, and individuality, and personal concerns such as academics, individual responsibility, etc. And this pandemic has further shown us the true nature of humanity and how it is like to live with privilege.

Most of the measures the government has implemented in its fight against the pandemic can be considered pro-privileged and anti-poor. The ECQ, MECQ, GCQ or whatever type of lockdowns and quarantine they implemented to contain the spread of the virus made the people on the low level of society suffer from financial issues as many have lost their jobs and source of income. Yes, this is with good intention and they give financial support but this is not enough to sustain a family’s needs but this move neglect the life and sufferings of some people. Moreover, not everyone received financial support and some officials even have the audacity to corrupt the money that is intended for the people. Even the government’s solution to the continuance of education and academic are not accessible or affordable by anyone. The online class setup is only effective for those who are privileged and have the means to engage in it. Not everyone has access to the internet, has gadgets they can use to attend their classes, and has a healthy environment at home where they can focus on their academics and education. These kinds of solution that only benefits those who are privileged and are unfair to those who have less in life only widens the gaps in education forcing many to even consider giving up on their education.

On a personal view, upon reflecting on my ECQ experience and journey, I don’t think I will ever be able to describe how the past year has been for me. I think the closest way to describe it is that it was a mixture of anxiousness, anger, loneliness, failures, disappointment, realizations, and a whole lot of mess with tiny dust of sparkles and sunshine. It was so much more than just a roller coaster ride. During lockdown I found myself asking questions about every single thing about life that doesn’t enter my mind and concern me before. As a 3rd-year college student dealing with one of the hardest phases in my life. I'm honestly exhausted with academics and I do no longer love it the same way that I used to. I haven't exactly moved on yet with the implementation of the k-12 program and now we are faced with a global pandemic and are forced to continue our education in a virtual setting.

At first, I thought it was actually for the better since I can save a lot of expenses and time and save myself from the hassle of traveling to university and dealing with traffic as well as other people. But in a bigger picture, I have realized that we students lose so much more than what we gain from this online academic setup. I used to just smirk when people say college is only bearable when you have your circle of people to bear it with and a healthy learning environment otherwise it can eat you up alive but today I'm seeing what they meant by that. College truly is only bearable when you have people to bear it with and I regret taking that for granted.

During my 1st-2nd year in college, I remember how I was always looking forward to going home and waiting for class suspensions because all I care about was to rest in the comfort of our home. I always think that staying extra longer on campus after class is a waste of time if it is not for organization stuff and university events but now I have realized that the simple joy of spending time with your friends in the field after a long tiring day, eating out with them to enjoy their company, classroom jamming, rehearsals and going out on short trips to manila after exams is a big part of our college life and are some of the most memorable and important parts of surviving college. If only I have foreseen this pandemic to last I would have spent more time with them, eat out in different eateries and restaurants near campus, watching movies, or just simply lay in the field side by side with them complaining about how tiring academics was. I would have enjoyed and attended more events from councils and would have been more active in joining organizations. I miss Odiba days, Christmas tree lighting, and concerts, and even outreach programs we used to attend back on our normal student days.

Sad to say those days have all gone by and we're never really sure if we can go back to how it was before we leave the university a year from now. Everything I have mentioned so far is just a glimpse of our college life that we cannot enjoy in today's online classes but aside from losing all these fun and bright side of being college students, we are also struggling with a lot of setbacks and challenges dealing with the new normal not so friendly and pro-privileged online classes. Honestly, at this point, I don’t know anymore if I have learned from the past semesters we spent through the online setup and if it’s all worth it. The online class is so much more demanding than face-to-face setups in terms of workloads and stress. It’s like a constant chase of deadlines, procrastination, submissions, exams, and nothing else but a survival game that we need to finish to reach our goal and graduate. I have never feared Mondays and 11:59 p.m as much as I do now. Exhausting and draining are not enough to describe how online classes are for students and professors especially if you are enrolled in a university wherein wishing for an academic break to breathe a little from all the stress and hardship of online classes is considered as an excused for laziness. Seems like even university administrators forgot that we are humans and not machines or robot, but even these things malfunction and fail if it’s overused.

This online academic setup has taken its toll on me both in physical and mental aspects. I used to sacrifice sleep, family time, going out, self-enjoyment and my health for the sake of academics but today I cannot afford to sacrifice these because I’m barely making it through and now all I care and focus about is passing and getting works done, I’m no longer thriving but surviving instead. I cannot even bother to break down and crumble when I receive low scores even though I’m used to receiving competent grades because I would rather finish another work that has been piling up on canvas instead of crying over what can’t be changed. It is true when they say that the line between academic and personal time is becoming blurred. In the online class setup, we are no longer students for 6-8 hours like in face-to-face classes but we are becoming 24 hours available students who need to cope up with all the works in every hour of our day available, it is so serious that even sleeping made us feel guilty most of the time. I’m at this point where I’m wondering if all of these sacrifices are worth it.

My quarantine life revolves mostly around fighting my demons. It's like a constant fight against monsters my mind has created. Aside from the constant stress and pressure on my academics, I have also been dealing with life pressures. As a woman in her early twenties stuck in college and juggling academics, family responsibilities, and life progress, and personal growth, I have faced challenges and problems that I have never imagined would cross my path and I had to deal with the consequences of my past decisions and the responsibilities that comes with it. What keeps me going throughout these hard times are my family and friends. Honestly, I would have gone insane or depressed if it's not for them. The academic pressure and all the problems arising in our society is just too much to handle on one’s own and I’m happy that I am blessed enough to be surrounded by people who supports me and believes in me so much sometimes even more than I believe in myself knowing that it is not the case for everyone.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about the real meaning of life and how I choose to live it. What’s there to value and give importance to and how we are so blinded and focus on living the life that society tells us to live instead of making a life of our own? Honestly, I just can’t see what comes next after all of this because as of today all I care about is to survive. I am anxious about what the future will hold and where life will lead me someday. Dealing with the pandemic which forced me to stop working towards my goals and plans and losing almost one and a half year of my life that I could have used to focus on my goals and achieving my dreams is truly regretful and depressing. It’s like I’m getting older and older and I haven’t achieved much which makes me think that I am taking longer in life than my peers. Some of them are getting married and having families, some are already working, some are building their own business, and here I am in my room dealing with deadlines and looking forward to an uncertain future. I wish I will soon figure things out and find motivation again, or at least know where it is that I want to go and what is it really that I wanted to achieve.

@bertongbigtime

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thewestmeetingroom · 3 years

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The West Meeting Room - You Can’t Fill From An Empty Cup

Broadcast Oct 5, 2019

SPEAKERS

Mica, Tony, Sabahat, Sabrina, Rebekah, Savy, Aqeel

Mica: Hello and welcome to The West Meeting Room, a new weekly show from Hart House student podcasting team. Today we are broadcasting live from the CiUT Maproom Studios in Hart House and we are grateful to live, work and study on Dish with One Spoon Territory. I'm Mica, and I'll be your host for today's episode. Today's episode features a conversation hosted by Hart House student podcasters Sabrina, Tony, and Sabahat. They were joined by U of T students Savy, Aqeel, and Rebekah who share their thoughts on failure, productivity and what it feels like to be a non-traditional student.

Tony: Amazing. Thank you so much everyone. And so I guess to get started, we were just talking about crying, and how healing that is. And so kind of in a similar nature, we're going to start off by talking about things that we want to start talking more about, is failure and how to normalize that experience because it's such a normal part of learning and growing as human beings. And so we'll start it off, like we'll just share, like something that we failed at and in a way that we're celebrating. So I guess you can think of it as kind of like an introductory rapid fire round. And with that, who would like to start?

Rebekah: I'll go next. Okay, so I, I was taking the introductory courses for International Relations, because I thought that that was something that I really wanted to do. That's kind of the reason why I came to U of T too, because I was like, Oh, I want to study IR. And then was taking the Econ courses and I realized this isn't really for me. I don't care enough about it to actually study it, to seek help when I was actually struggling in it. And so when at the end of the first year, and I was looking at my grades, and I was looking at how I felt about my courses, and I decided, I was like, Look, I don't even care enough about econ. There's no point in like forcing myself to keep doing something I don't actually want to do. So I kind of rerouted myself and did History and Russian, which is something I was actually passionate about. So yeah, I don't know. I feel like it worked out and like it was a much more niche department. So I feel like I know a lot more people in my department now and it feels like more like home rather than doing something I definitely did not care about.

Tony: Thanks for sharing that Rebekah. And I think it's nice to know that sometimes you have to just figure things out as you go and to really find the things that are meaningful and that you're passionate about. And I like that you talk about sense of home. That's really nice.

Savy: Yeah, I know. I'm like very hard on myself. Even when other people are telling you Oh, you know, you did a great job. It wasn't really a failure, but maybe we kind of it like blows up in our mind and we tend to ruminate over little things. That's what I do at least. I like ruminate over something a little and think it was maybe bigger than it was. Yeah, and label it as a failure when maybe other people wouldn't say it was a failure.

Aqeel: I can actually relate to that a lot. Um, I guess my instance of failure is a bit more like every day. And this, usually like when I'm like going through my to do list for things to do, like school related or just personal tasks, usually I find myself like, I've been making it a point to make more realistic task lists. But even when I haven't been able to meet all those tasks, you know, I just feel like that I am a failure and that I haven't really been able to like, live up to the standard that I sort of create for myself. But something I didn't really realize and something that I'm like coming to terms with now is that oftentimes when I do take my time to do certain things or focus a bit more on - do things a bit more purposefully, or even when I actually don't end up doing things that I intended to do, or things that I've written down. What I've realized is that maybe I actually needed the rest that I took between the time that I was doing tasks or things like that. And making the point to be like, yeah, you know, it's okay that I didn't really actually do all those things. You know, my productivity doesn't have an impact on my self worth. It’s something that's really hard to do, especially when everything seems to be either monetized or weighting grades, things like that. So it's really difficult, but I relate to that a lot. Because I think, you know, that everyday sense of failure can sort of accumulate and then at some point, you just realize that you haven't done X amount of things and then you look back and it's like, what do I do with my time? And it's really easy to catastrophize for sure.

Sabrina: I think that's a really big thing, especially that point of like, grades or monetization. Kind of like these values that are quantifying what we're doing and a big one that it's very hard to kind of put a value next to, but it's very important is health, both mentally and physically. As someone who tends to, you know, go, go go and then I realized I haven't eaten at all at until it's like five o'clock. That's not something that you can put a price on until maybe it's too late. Or until you run yourself so thin that you're like falling asleep in class or like you slept through an exam or you're so hungry, you can't concentrate. And productivity isn't the most important metric. But if that's what you're measuring your success on, then running yourself on empty is counterproductive, you know. Because then something important is going to come up and you're not going to be useful or able to come to task at all. So it's really important to remember kind of those other things that you might not readily assess the value to so then you don't necessarily think that it's important or Oh, it can wait later, I can sleep less or I can eat later on, or I don't need water right now. Those are things that catch up to you. And when your body says it's done, it's done. And that's just something really important to remember I think.

Aqeel: You can’t fill from an empty cup.

Sabahat: So this is actually just last week, so we do recording sessions usually every Thursday and last week like I had a meeting in the morning where we were just learning editing and stuff and then so like you said, like running out of energy, just like working, working, working. Forgetting to eat and stuff. I think it got to a point where when it came time for the recording session, I did not have the energy to come and so I was like, I can't make it. And I didn’t come and I still regret it. Like I feel like this is, I really enjoy this space. I find comfort in the space with these people. But I couldn't get myself to do it and I just see it as a failure. But I also think, which is usually something that happens with failure is that in hindsight, like when time passes by, you tend to realize that maybe that was important.

Tony: Yeah, thank you for sharing that. I think a lot of things that we're touching on is this idea that like, you know, you don't need to be “productive” all the time. Like the human body, it's like we have limited capacities and it's just something I've been reflecting a lot on because doing like a full time practicum where it's like an expectation to do like 35 hours a week and I was like, Oh my god, the body is not meant to work the full 35 hours, like it's just not.

Savy: The struggle of practicum is real.

Tony: I’ve thought a lot about how like, Aqeel, like you were saying, unproductivity is actually in itself, like very productive. You know, like, similar to what Sabrina was saying. Like, you need to like rest up and like, allow your body to not be under constant like stress. And yet there's like all these societal messages or like, structures that remind us that, you know, we have to be productive in order to like be seen as valuable. And yet – so it's really interesting about how like being “unproductive” as a way to, like you know, of taking care of ourselves is actually a really, can be a really radical way of responding to those kinds of messages, right? Like it's very like, No. I'm going to choose to like take care of myself and not stretch myself until I burn out. So yeah, I think that's like a really important point to bring up. And so thank you for, all of you, for sharing those thoughts. And I think a natural transition could be that we can go into a question that Rebekah highlighted earlier and which we can talk about. When was a time you felt you didn't fit the traditional mold or the idea of the student path/student success because I think it kind of touched on some of the things that we talked about during that rapid round. How are folks feeling about that?

Sabrina: I think, we're talking about when you don't feel like you're fitting the traditional mokld? So I think for me -

Tony: Sabrina, can you also maybe talk about what is a traditional mold? I mean, maybe that's something that we can talk about too, like what is the traditional mold of a student?

Sabrina: Um, as someone who has worked as a tour guide, in the recruitment center, and I tour for upcoming students, I can give you kind of like a “Wikipedia” definition of what a nontraditional student is. And from there, we can kind of extrapolate, you know, a traditional student and a non traditional student for a post secondary institutional standpoint is someone who didn't go to post secondary right after high school. Someone who may have a family, someone who may work full time and just goes to school part time. Yeah, someone who may be married, someone who may be over 21 or over 25. You know, if you think of an older student or an adult student, those are kind of when we say the words nontraditional students, that's kind of what it embodies. And traditional student usually embodies 17 through 19, coming to post secondary, you know, two months after graduating. This includes students who also take a gap year after graduating, coming in starting in first year, and going through their degree kind of that way. And a traditional student as well, which is a big pressure for a lot of people, is a student who graduates in four years. And I'm going to do a little pause, and then I'm going to go into my story and then we can maybe come back to both defining and going into our stories. But my kind of segue is I think for me, feeling like I didn’t fit into the mold started when I realized that I might need to take a fifth year and when I might have to take you know, four and a half years. I came in thinking that I wanted to study French, Spanish, and then Philosophy. But really I wanted to get into like a type three restricted program. Didn't get the marks to get into the type three restricted program. So I was stuck with Philosophy, French and Spanish. Failed second year Spanish because I really never learned how to study. So then I was stuck with Philosophy and French. So now I'm trying to figure out you know, do I want to do a double major? Do I want to do two minors and a major? And what would my new minor be? And in adding this new degree kind of in my third year, realizing that I have to take another year and I kind of came into school thinking, you know, I'm only going to take my four years, I'm going to work through summer and then going to go to graduate school and I'm going to take the bar exam and that you know, like all these prescribed ideas, and that's not happening. And it felt weird for a while kind of thinking like I might have to take a fifth year especially because it's some family pressures there that are kind of like you're going to graduate in two years, and you're gonna apply to law school, and this is what you're going to do. And it's like, yeah, that's what I said I was going to do when I was 16. But I'm 20 now, and maybe I want to do something different. And it's kind of feeling comfortable with that. And feeling as though this is another journey that's just as valid as the journey that I set myself on two years ago. And that I'm growing and evolving. And not as though I'm settling because I put myself on a path of failure because I didn't try hard enough two years ago or I was too lazy, you know. So that's kind of my two part to that answer. The definition from my experience of a traditional versus nontraditional student and where I felt nontraditional.

Tony: Yeah, thank you for sharing that Sabrina. And I think it's, it's like helpful to start to think about what is considered a traditional or nontraditional student because I think it's also like - I like that you provided a very like objective sort of definition because it is important to think about that too, and the ways that we navigate academia. When I think about, like, the things that come to mind for me with this question is, I think a lot about how sometimes I'm like the, not even just like the only person of color in my class. Like, sometimes I'm the only, actually like a lot of times, I’m like the only queer person in my class and like, how it makes me feel sometimes. And it's weird, because it's not even just like, the physical presence of that too. It can also be like sometimes feeling like this pressure, like, Oh, so you're the only person that can talk about queerness and being racialized, and we expect you to, like talk about those experiences. And this is something that I realized I was like, Oh my god, how can this happen? But also, it also made me feel like - so for me like that traditional mold is feeling like I may not necessarily belong in those spaces, and there's like reminders of that. And that's what I think about like, Oh yeah, like I don't feel like a “traditional” student because the way that the structures were built didn’t have me in mind historically when they built them. Like we have done a lot of changes in terms of inclusivity, but I think it's important to be mindful that like, there's a lot of historical impacts that still lingers on today. And I think that's really important to acknowledge. And so yeah, that's like, I just kind of want to offer that sort of like other understanding of traditional students and feeling not like you might fit or for me like not feeling I fit in the mold either.

Rebekah: Yeah, I can really relate to that. Like I identify as a Black woman and especially studying in like the Slavic department, like, I've definitely experienced being like the only racialized person in a classroom and if not, being like the only queer woman of color in the classroom as well. So that's something that I'm always grappling with, especially like, when people question my ability to speak Russian or my ability to even learn Russian or ask me Oh, like why study Russia like you don't look like you would be the kind of person who would want to do that. But it's something I'm passionate about. It's something that I feel like I'm relatively good at. So that's kind of what I wanted to continue doing. But the other thing that I thought about in terms of not being a traditional student in terms of being a student here at U of T is that a lot of people like to call UofT U of Tears. Like something that's a place that's really stressful, really sad all the time. And I don't necessarily feel that all the time. Like there are definitely moments when like, towards the end of the semester when I am stressed, but during the course of the school year, and maybe it's just because of the program and my program that I'm in or the way I've chosen to build my schedule, but I don't like to be stressed and I'm going to take all of the ways and make my schedule around a way that doesn't make me feel stressed. So even though I've taken a lot of courses and I give myself a heavy course load, I like to give myself breaks during like the day to hang out with my friends or play sports, that kind of thing. I had a girl message me on Instagram. She's like, Wow, it looks like you're actually enjoying U of T. And I'm like, well, because I'm trying to. Like, I don't want to be sad here for however many years I am. Like, I want to enjoy my time here and make the most out of my experience here and make some really cool connections and meet some cool people. So if that means like, I don't know, even though I've lived off campus, like making more of an effort to be on campus, and like be involved in clubs or be involved with like, student life, then it makes me feel better. Like I don't want to be sad. So, and like, I know that there's some people who, like, genuinely have a hard time doing that. And maybe that's just my own personality. Like, I like to reach and grab those opportunities, but that's just something that's made me feel better. And I feel a little bit weird when people always tell me how stressed they are like, well, if I didn't get that paper done, it's not done. So I'm just gonna have to go to sleep now and because I would sleep over everything, so.

Sabahat: Yeah, so while we're talking about definitions and what's traditional, for me, I think when I came here, because I'm an international student, That's what kind of set me apart. And I think you don't realize it until you're in that space when most of the people are local people, like they're from here. And having an international kind of, even like small things like having a international passport like how difficult that makes it for you to get the visa. Like I was supposed to do, like I started a semester later to what I was supposed to actually initially start, because I had my visa got delayed. And it's just like these little things that you're struggling with. It's like, your energy goes into those things where other people don't really think about it. And so in a way you're kind of spending a lot of energy and doing the same kind of work like explicitly doing the same work that like let's say your class is doing, but you have all these pressures and then something like finances is also a issue because international and free is ridiculously high. And yeah, I mean, I'm lucky to be here. I'm privileged enough to be here, but not everyone can. And people who are on scholarships, like it's the whole bureaucracy and red tape of that is just ridiculous. I feel like someone in a one number position should not be expected to do all that by them by themselves, you know, they should be advisors or someone should like, walk them through the process. It should not be up to the student to figure that out. And that goes even for like someone struggling with mental health. You know, you're like, oh, if you want to leave, you have to go get this papers. I'm like, Yes, but if someone is struggling already, how do you expect to do that? You know, and so there's little things that you're expected to do with the whole process like bureaucracy form filling, which I feel like if most people are able to do it should not be expected of everyone. Because not everyone would have the energy or the capability to do that or just not be familiar with the process honestly. So yeah, I don't

Savy: I don’t know. I feel like I’ve had a traditional undergrad. Like I went straight from high school and I did undergrad in four years. And then I did my Masters and then I graduated from my Masters. So yeah, I had a very traditional journey. But I can definitely relate to just kind of feeling that pressure with stress and feeling like you need to kind of keep up. Like in undergrad, I would always maybe study too much and stay up too late and put self care a bit on the back burner. But it sounds like you are figuring it out like in your undergrad, which is great. Yeah, and then in my masters, had more focus on self care, which was really great and still kind of felt that pressure to study and kind of get perfect grades and I don't know, I just always felt that pressure. But I feel like it's the pressure that I put on myself and then also from peers and from professors. But just trying to focus more on self care and yoga and seeing friends and doing different activities on campus and trying to get more involved. I was part of the Black Public Health Student Collective at Dalla Lana which was great. And I was also, in my year, I was the only woman of color in my program at Dalla Lana. So like definitely feeling that as well. Like feeling kind of out of place but also having that safe space with everyone at Dalla Lana to share stories and meet new people.

Tony: Thanks for sharing.

Aqeel: So for the traditional student, for me. It’s a good question. I mean, I feel like we kind of touched on it already. But the idea that a student should always be stressed. What they do in their spare time is just like, shop online between lectures and just complain about like celebrity gossip and turn out papers, study for tests, do a hobby and like that's it. For me, I found it really difficult to attend classes and go to lectures. Because I felt that like, we could have been doing so much more with the authority that we do have in university. So for me, it just, it was really troublesome to have to just write about things when one, I was not only trying to like process stuff that I was directly involved in. So like, being the object of study while also trying to study is really difficult. Some people don't - sometimes academia is structured in a way that is meant to exclude people. And in that sense like, I find it really difficult to just be able to write down things and just like churn out essays and papers, when we could have been, for example, organizing or things like that. I feel like for academia, there's only so much you can do to sort of like process things, write things, sort of like bat ideas around and critique them when that's only really like half the battle. I think that knowledge is important, but it's only realized when you meet it with action. So being able to just solely focus on like doing these mental exercises of writing and like turning out papers and studying for tests and that grind, I find it really difficult. Like for me, I think it was really important to sort of like remind myself that I was not just a student at an institution, but just in general, a student of knowledge. And that knowledge extends beyond the institution. But also just kind of like beyond the classes that I'm doing into just trying to learn about the world like on my own terms. So in that sense, I felt like I sort of deviated from that traditional mold of a student where they were just sort of like okay with just passing through the sort of structures that are already in place when I feel like there's a lot more work that has to be done to make them more accommodating to people that would like to think outside of those structures.

Sabrina: I think your point on writing is really important too, because in the discussion of, you know, traditional versus nontraditional, the way that we are assessed, and the way that we learn, kind of creates a mold of a traditional student as well. Not everyone's writing is their strong suit. And sitting in a room listening to someone talk at you is not the best way to learn for everyone, or most people. And it's kind of unfortunate that it's not until third or fourth year that you get into a more intimate kind of relationship with your professors and with your peers to where it's more relational. I remember in first year I did a Ones program and the classes are a lot smaller and I went to those classes so much more than my larger lectures because I just had a higher relationship with my peers and with my professors, and they would ask me, you know, “why aren't you here?” if I didn't go to class. So it's like, oh, other people notice if I'm gone, you know. Whereas my lecture of 500, no one cares. I mean, I'd someone cares, but no one's chasing after me, you know. And it was nice to kind of walk into a class of 17 plus my professor after you not going for a week and have him pull me aside and say, “Hey, is something going on?” And I think that's another big thing, you're talking about to being the subject of a lecture while also learning about things in an institution that can acknowledge colonial pressures to kind of hide certain histories of racialized people or of queer people or what have you, and then prides itself on you know, uncovering these histories and we're going to learn about them and like all the things that happened to First Nations peoples or to Black people, or to gay people, or what have you. But then not realize that the narrative that you're proliferating also means that racialized students or queer students in your class, this might be the first time that they're hearing stories that relate to them on more than just a textbook level. And it might be, you know, they might be using this to realize, you know, this is why my mom acts like this or this is why someone acts like that, and it becomes a more real lesson. And then you have to sit there and write a 2500 word paper on like, you know, the Stonewall Riots or the Trail of Tears or whatever, and you're, like crying thinking of your grandmother. And there's, there's not a lot of support for that. And there's not a lot of room to, to kind of work through that because the institutions are made for people whose histories are told and who kind of have confronted and understand where they come from, and aren't necessarily ashamed of it. And also made for the people who wrote the history in the first place so it puts them in a good light. So I think those are really good insights.

Sabahat: Yeah, just continuing - like so speaking about being like, feeling out of place in classes, I think one thing that I would just like to mention is that as hard as it is, I feel like it's kind of a sign that you're probably thinking more and you're probably more like, I don't want to use the word smart, but you know, just like engaging more with the material than people who are just passive. Because, so I remember one of my undergrad professors saying to us that you know, in a class, if you're not uncomfortable, you're not learning. You know, and because with learning all these things about how structures work, how systems of oppressions work, where you're, you're making sense of, “Oh, my mom or my grandma was part of this oppression” and just like historically making sense of it, but it's so personal to you. And I feel like that discomfort should not - like it's unfortunate that it has to be there. But I also see value in that because if you are uncomfortable, you're unlearning things. You're learning how to navigate these systems, how these systems work, and I think you're more likely to think about it in a very contextualized way than someone who cannot relate to the history and is just there to kind of produce papers. So I feel like there's value in that.

Tony: I think sometimes when we think about academia, like it's, and we touched on it, how there's like definitely like this one way of doing things, one way of learning, one way of gaining and producing knowledge, without recognizing that there's so many ways. There's so many learning styles, but there's also so many knowledge that is produced outside of academia that is just as valuable, if not even more valuable, that we don't even have access to or it's often like cut off. And I think a lot about how I think sometimes even this pressure of feeling like you need to like learn knowledge in a certain way can be a very, and when you're not able to do it, it can feel like we're placing the onus on the individual. And yeah, I like that we talk a lot about like the different structures that are play, like the different systems. Because it's true, like I think those are very much - it informs the ways that we're able to like access knowledge and gain knowledge and share that knowledge. And while recognizing like the larger forces at play, we do talk a lot about personal agency. So like, how do we navigate these structures because structures don't change over time, unfortunately. And so, I was thinking for our next transition, we can do like a really quick, rapid fire round because, you know, I kind of heard some folks talk about, like, you know, self care. Like things that we do to, you know, help us be able to, you know, not just survive, but also thrive as well. Like things you do to like, take care of yourself, your body, your soul, your mind.

Rebekah: I play on my college’s intramural volleyball team. That's something. I was super passionate about volleyball all throughout middle and high school. I've played for like eight or nine years and when I'm not playing volleyball is like when I'm sad. Actually, when I'm playing volleyball I’m my best self, I'm feeling the best about myself. So yeah, we won our championship first semester like this past year. And that was like really, I felt really proud of that team because it was a new team and we had a lot of new players and the fact that we were able to like put in the work and like see actual results and like see people improve over the course of the season was really cool. And I think that was like, not super common in New Colleges’ intramural history or for volleyball at least. So that also felt really good to be a part of that team that made that happen. And it just gives me a break in between like studying all day to like, actually not be sitting at my computer and like actively doing something. So going to drop in volleyball at the ACA or the Goldring is like the highlight of my day because I get to leave the library and actually like run around and do stuff and sweat even though I hate sweating. But like, I don't know, like volleyball is where it's at. So I try to get as many people involved in intramural sports because I think it's a really good way to release tension and also meet a lot of new people. Like I feel more part of New College’s community for it.

Tony: That sounds really nice. And it makes you happy?

Rebekah: It makes me so happy. Like I'm the happiest.

Tony: And you deserve that. That's really lovely. Thanks for sharing.

Sabrina: Following the thread of athleticism, varsity cheerleading has been - I didn't do it in first year because my joints, and my wallet, and I was sad for it. And I wasn't as active. So that's kind of what keeps me going. It's kind of like that small class that I had in first year. Having a team of people and as a team sport, having a team of people that really rely on you. Things can't really go forward if someone's missing. It's nice when people check in on you when you're not around and it's nice to kind of work as a group towards a goal. Aside from that, I think just I've been foraying more into sustainability and kind of a zero waste lifestyle and a minimalist lifestyle and like Tarot and energies and things like that and kind of connecting with spirituality. And also connecting with the earth. I find a lot of the technological and industrial advances that we've had, that are slowly killing the earth, are also negatively affecting us like physiologically just as human beings. So in trying to give back to the earth and be nicer to it you know, and produce less waste, I've also been foraying into you know, cleaner eating and cleaner habits and doing less of things that are also self-destructive for me, either mentally, or to my eyes, or sitting too long, things like that. So that's been really nice, because I feel like I'm taking care of something else. Because it can be hard to take care of yourself. But indirectly, I'm taking care of myself.

Aqeel: I’m trying to like recall the things that I do. I guess for me, this is more seasonal, but I really like to garden. So I spend most of the year just waiting for gardening season. Just waiting for you know, it's not the best in Canada, but it's something that I do really enjoy. Like being able to connect with the earth but also literally seeing the fruits of your labor makes me really happy. In addition to that, like getting into fitness is something that was like really was really important for me. Just being able to go for walks between classes in a way sort of became fitness because fitness is not just going to the gym and lifting weights. It's just being able to take time to do things at your own pace and enjoy it. As long as it gets your heartbeat like up. I think that's something that's like more fitness oriented to something like that. Being close to my family I think was something that was really important to me. Like they really do ground me. In addition to that, this is more of like a spiritual practice, but I really do, because I'm Muslim, I do pray. And that's something that, you know, I find extremely healing and being able to actually connect with more people that do that on campus was something that was very gratifying. I never really actually grew up around people that make it a point to be like, “hey, I just, you know, gotta go to the side and pray” or something. So, it was nice to be able to like be affirmed that it's okay to be able to, you know, just take a few seconds and pray. It's hard to do that at school though. Because, you know, school isn't really built, for example, like being able to take breaks like that, but it is something that's like very, very healing for me.

Sabahat: Yeah, I feel that. I feel like - so I identify as Muslim as well. And I think praying is something that has become like a software thing. I should probably do it more often than I do it now. But I think religion holds a very important place in my life. And I think it gives me a lot of peace in times of chaos, which is literally every day. So something for survival, I think something that I've been, recently like I've learned to do, which was really hard, is that when you're at a very low point, it's really hard to reach out to people and ask for help but I have been, I've been able to do that lately. And I just, I'm just really proud of myself for doing that. But I think yeah, that's like a survival thing for me. And something that I took up like a month ago was I've always wanted to learn how to swim, but I never got the chance. So I enrolled in a class and now I have a class every week and it's amazing. That one hour is like, amazing. So yeah, just doing different things.

Sabrina: Can I resource sidebar? Do you all know about the fifth floor in Robarts? So there's a prayer and meditation room on the fifth floor. There's yoga mats, there's prayer mats, pillows, yoga blocks, it's super awesome, serene, if you can like make it up there.

Sabahat: Okay. Yeah. And there's also a multi-faith center in Koffler.

Tony: Amazing. Thank you for sharing all those lovely tips. Oh, okay, I guess I'll quickly share one. So one thing I've been doing is I've been going to a sexy dance class. So it's actually a particular, it's taught by a lovely instructor who identifies as queer trans, as a person of color. And it's like, a dance class that's meant for just queer trans people of color and it feels so nice. Like, I know just to have a space where other people share your, like, identities and lived experiences. And also for me, like find your sexy is like, you know, when we're dancing and, you know, yes, it's about feeling sexy, but it's also feeling more at home in your body, which is something that I've been thinking a lot about, and the ways that I need to feel at home is like being able to reclaim you know, parts of me that you know, that I've been taught to feel ashamed of. And actually now it's like nice to celebrate those parts where I'm like, yeah, I'm gonna celebrate my femmeness, my queerness and like reclaiming that has been really healing for me. And to do that, and just share that story with other people who, you know, yes like, we are different in a lot of ways, but we're also like, you know, we do share a lot of like similar experiences and we're able to like kind of grow and heal together and like celebrate each other. And I think that's pretty rad. So yeah. Braeden did you want to share something? It looks like you do. We would love to hear you.

Braeden: I was just curious. I have been thinking because, you know, you've talked a lot about dance as a place of healing and returning to your body. And I've been thinking about that a lot, because I feel, I feel pretty disembodied at times. So I wondered if you would have a piece of advice for someone like me to like - like what's a place to start to sort of like get to know my body again?

Tony: Oh, my god, that's such an amazing question. I think giving yourself time to figure things out. Because I know for me, I didn't start dancing till like three years ago, but it was always something that I was really interested in doing. And part of it is like cultivating that self love. And that looks so different for everybody. And I think for me, it was like intentionally taking the time to spend it with myself. And whether that's like, kind of really like, really looking at, okay, what are the needs that I have? And those can change. I think in a lot of ways when we do self reflections, they definitely can fluctuate and change over time. And that's absolutely okay. Because I think there's something really meaningful about reflecting on how what you thought you needed or who you are a year ago can change so much today. And like, I think there's like some really meaningful insights that can be gained from that. I think for me, I just found dancing to be something that was such a powerful outlet for me because it was something that yeah like, I think a lot of complexities around feeling like my body wasn't quite my own. And a lot of that was like, I've internalized a lot of things growing up, and then me like being able to express those frustrations. Because I think part of reclaiming your body, it's like not, it's not like this - definitely, it is a beautiful journey - but there's also a lot of moments that don't feel beautiful. And I think it's important to take, like, hold space for that. I think that was really important for me, was to be really honest about the ways that I haven't felt like - what are the reasons that made me feel like I needed to reclaim my body. And that can be really hard. And I think it's important and like that's not something you have to do on your own. I think part of it for me, I've been really lucky to have found a community, friends who kind of like helped me along the road to do more of that healing work. And so this is a great segue into our next question. So thank you Braeden, because I know we just talked about self care. And something that we also want to focus on is not just about things that we can do for ourselves, but also ways that we can practice community care. So going beyond just the self because it can feel like a lot of pressure to feel like you have to take care of yourself all the time. What are ways that we can reach out to our communities, and why is this important? And that's the hard question because it's like, what does community care look like?

Sabahat: I think for me, I think it's important. I see it as important because when you are dealing with it yourself in isolation, I mean, it could very well work for you. But I think there's a different kind of comfort to be in a support group and to hear people talk about their experiences, right. And it's literally what we're doing right now. So I think community care for me is sharing experiences, being there for each other. And being there, again, does not mean that you have to provide advice, or you have to provide a solution. Being there can literally look like you're sitting with them, listening to them, what they have to say, and sometimes, honestly, just asking what they want. Because people generally know what they want, they just don't know how to ask. And so that's what community care looks like. To have a system where if you're feeling isolated, you know, you can go to this particular group and just talk about it. And yeah, have like regular meetups basically, so that you don't go to that place of isolation.

Rebekah: You kind of like mentioned before in our conversation about being like a social person. And like being in isolation can be really hard. And I feel that totally. And I find that happens a lot during the school year, especially when you're like trying to crank out papers or you're trying to do readings. And a lot of the times I would end up doing it by myself, but then I would spend so many hours by myself during the day either just like looking at my computer or with I don't know, books and stuff like that, that I felt like I wasn't, I wasn't getting enough out of my day. Like I would just go home and spend an entire day not talking to anyone, because I'm just reading all day or writing all day. And so I made a point to reach out to my friends, especially during the school year, because a lot of them had mentioned to me that they felt the same way. Like I spent a lot of time in the library just by myself. And it's like, well, if we're both studying we might as well study together. Like why do this in isolation. And even if you have to take breaks and it might take a little bit longer to get that reading done. You feel less alone doing that or less alone doing that work. So yeah, I try to reach out to my friends more during the school year, especially during like times of stress, like peak stress during midterms season and stuff like that, just to make sure that “hey, I know you're probably going through this too and I'm going through this, let's go through this together.” So we're not alone in doing this because that doesn't feel good.

Aqeel: I think what's really interesting about how we navigate University is this idea that the “real world” sort of exists. There's school and then there's like, you go move on to the real world, when in fact, like, the real world is very much in touch with school. Like, for example, when you look at, like worker conditions, or like, why people are organizing and labor unions. Like, you know, capitalism sort of alienates workers, and in a sense, the University alienates its students, and, you know, with that, it's like, when you itemize people into like, just individuals, it's really difficult for them to, you know, foster collective action and take care of each other, which I think is like really important, and I really grappled with this question this year. I just finished my term with my term with the Muslim Students Association as an executive. And the work that we do there is, to me, like absolutely crucial. You know, just given not only the rise of Islamophobia, but like more subtle forms of it. Being able to create room for each other to just kind of look after ourselves to sort of reconnect with our faith, reconnect with people of knowledge was really important to me. Because, you know, you can go through the motions and when people have, you know, identity crises, faith crises, it's really difficult, like we were saying earlier. It's a struggle, you know, by yourself. And in that sense, when, you know, an institution like the university fails to cater to the individual. The responsibility unfortunately falls on the students staff to create that community for each other. And I think what was absolutely amazing was just watching us organize around the mental health crisis. Like that was something that you know, All our, this is going to sound very, like liberal platitudes, but across all our differences, we are able to, you know, reach a consensus around the fact that there really was a crisis on campus and the university really had to grapple with - the students’ voices essentially became a voice to be reckoned with. Where, you know, we were able to organize among ourselves. We were able to pressure admin by disrupting, by calling to the attention of media. Which really kind of threw off in the sense that like, perhaps, you know, perhaps U of T is not just only known for their research, they’re actually known for creating really detrimental conditions for their students. So things like that, like community care, in a sense, is essential. And I think you can kind of find that in clubs, you can kind of find that in just your peer to peer networks, your interpersonal relationships, your family. Like things that move beyond like, just the ordinary, isolating activities like we were kind of talking about earlier.

Sabrina: Yeah, I think it's interesting how you're talking about the isolating experience and also, you know, leaving baggage at U of T if you have baggage at U of T, but I kind of wanted to challenge that notion because I feel like a large portion of why the systems work, the way that they do is because the students are transient. And despite the fact that we're the ones paying for a product, we’re probably some of the least permanent aspects of this entire institution. So it's really easy for those who create policies and who create systems and who get paid to kind of change infrastructure and architecture and renovate things and change course enrollment and selection in ways that are counterproductive and counter intuitive to student needs. Because we really aren't here that long to do much. And while we're here, we're working. We're studying or forging relationships. We can't spend all of our time fighting administration. But some of the people who are best equipped at fighting administration, are alumni. Are people who have worked through it. Are people who have graduated. Are people who, you know, their protesting may not directly - they don't fear that their protesting will directly affect their marks or their standing or whatnot. And they have the capital to back it up. U of T raised what was it? Over 3 billion in their Boundless campaign and a lot of that came from donors and alumni. So when donors and alumni, especially alumni who’ve had that experience turn around, and they say, “why am I funding you? You know, it took me six years to graduate.” Not that that's a problem. But what is the problem is it took me six years to graduate because I never got adequate mental health services. Or when I was struggling, this structural issue, this part of the paperwork, messed me up or I didn't get my degree because of that. Why would I give you $200 or $2,000? So I think that's kind of a way of creating community as well is not leaving your baggage at the door. And that's not to say, you know, don't move on from it. Like move on from it. Live your best life, you know, forget about U of T, you know, leave your baggage at the door and forget about U of T. But when U of T comes a knockin and they want, you know, a $20,000 endowment because you became the next second VP of, I don't know, Google or whatever, turn around and say, why would I? I forgot about you. And I want to forget about you, and why would I help you out? You didn't help me out. And I think that's a big part of community that's difficult for university students and students. Even in high school is if you think about dress codes or sexist practices and things like that, is that the individuals who are permanent in these institutions are not necessarily the individuals who these institutions are meant to serve. And those who are meant to be served are transient. And it's hard to have a foothold if every year you have a new cast of characters and a lot of your greatest advocates have graduated and then you need to bring all the first years up to speed and by the time they understand what's going on they’re in third year and you're graduating.

Rebekah: I just relate so hard to that.

Tony: Really, yeah, thank you for bringing that up something that was like, really, really important. So for our closing, it's not really a rapid fire, but it's basically a nice question to end on. So after just like, you know, sharing, holding space together and being able to listen to all the different wisdom that's been shared, and also the wisdom that you shared with all of us. Now, think back to your younger self, whether that's the person that was making that transition from high school to first year. Or for us, Savy and I, like either thinking about that transition right before grad school, or just like any transition in your life where you're thinking about your younger self and some things that you might say to that person, knowing all the things and all the experiences that you've gained now. What is your older self now going to say to your younger self?

Sabahat: The only thing I would say to my younger self is it's not your fault. And that applies to a lot of things. I feel like my childhood was surrounded by guilt and me blaming myself for every single thing that was happening. And it's only just recently that I've decided that okay, no, like other factors were involved in the situation. So, yeah, I would just say, “girl, it's not your fault.” Yeah.

Rebekah: I think I would tell myself, it's okay like not to have a plan. If you told me five years ago that I would be sitting in Toronto, because I'm from the States, I would be like “why? Why would I be there? Wait, how did I end up there?” And there's a lot of different things that you can't foresee and a lot of variables that happen that you can't predict how things will turn out. So I'm very interested to see what 25 year old Rebecca will be doing because it's definitely going to be something that I can't predict right now what that will look like. And I'm working on new job right now. And every day we have a plan, like a schedule of things that are supposed to happen. But every day, something doesn't go according to plan and something is happening. And you just have to kind of figure it out on the spot and you can't predict that. Like a kid's going to go missing or you know, you can't predict that the buses are going to show up late, but you just have to like, take it as it comes and like make your best outcome out of that. And so, I think that that's been a really valuable lesson I've learned. Especially these past couple of months, because I'm like, the type of person who likes to plan and then likes to know what I'm getting into and what kind of options are available for me. But going forward, even looking at graduate school, I don't want to limit myself because I don't even know what things I'll be interested in like a year and a half or something like that. Or even like what kind of options or people I will meet that will influence the way or influence where I might want to go. So I don't know I'm just open to like as many opportunities, as many possibilities as possible. And I don't think that 16 or 18 year old Rebecca even really understood that.

Aqeel: Um, advice that I would give to my younger self would probably be to trust in incremental change. The idea of moderation. I know for me, something that I have, I've always had like really bad like perfectionist tendencies. And with that came a really - a very negative internal monologue. So I'd always be really hard on myself for not, you know, living up to the goals that I had, when I was younger. And also taking, you know, whatever knowledge I did have being able to put it at service to people around me. Something that I always kind of grappled with was the idea of like, evolution. I didn’t have the term for it at the time, but now I sort of have it now. The idea that, you know, at one point in time, change is going to happen for the people that deserve it. But in some cases, it definitely does work like that. In other cases, it's small moments that eventually galvanized into change. and postponing my ideas for evolution, not abandoning them, was something that I probably should have told myself when I was younger. Because I always thought, you know, if you just worked hard enough, things would change and things will be better. But and again, where it kind of relates to the idea that everything is your responsibility and you have to achieve it on your own. But like being able to remind myself that I do need more people to be involved there. If we do want change for the better and like being able to teach myself that change happens in increments. And like, being able to, for example, challenge negative self talk, it takes learning to really appreciate things that you are good at, so that you could eventually use the good that you experienced by treating yourself well to create good for other people, you know, in the long term or even like in smaller effort. So it's, I would teach myself that like incremental change is really important and that things may not come as, as fast or as quick as you may like. But it doesn't mean that it's not possible.

Savy: Something I would tell my younger self, probably in first year, would be to really just try and enjoy the process a little bit more. And don't be so focused on where I need to be, or what I need to be doing. Just be more present and just try to enjoy the moment. I definitely had a lot of imposter phenomenon, right? Yeah, I felt like, Oh, I need to be studying so much. And I just, I spent so much time studying and didn't enjoy I think a lot of experiences where I could have. So I learned that more. But yeah, I would definitely tell myself try to be more present and enjoy the moment. And even now, like in my job, people will ask, well, like, what do you see yourself doing? And I just think well, like, this is what I'm doing now. Like, I want to be present now and be grateful for what I have now. Right? So there's always so many places that you could be or possibilities and opportunities where you could work and where you could do grad school and that. But just, I'm grateful for where I am now. So I'm trying to focus on being more mindful. Practicing, like gratitude. Making meaningful connections with other people, community and trying to focus on how I'm feeling in the moment and not on, is this what I want to do? Like, this is what I'm doing and I enjoy it. So, do you know what I mean? Yeah.

Tony: Thanks for sharing that. I love that so much. Being grateful for the moment. And that's actually going to be something similar to what I would tell my younger self. And something that I've been trying to remind myself is like, I think it can be really easy to get wrapped up in the uncertainty of the future. I think sometimes it can be really scary to think about things that I have literally no control over and cannot predict. And at the same time also just reminding myself of all the dreams I used to have, like I'm living those right now in this moment. And thinking a lot about how, yeah, like I've always wanted to, you know, dream of trying to live in a different city, doing a Masters, continue to explore and find myself. And also like, challenging myself. Like this whole podcasting gig. Like, there were a lot of dreams that I've had that have come true. And I think I'm just like, taking a moment to really appreciate that and just remembering like, how much I used to dream of being where I am right now. And for me, like, I don't know, I think that's really beautiful. And I, and like, of course, we can continue to dream of other things too. But just taking that moment to really be grateful

Savy:And be proud. Be proud of yourself.

Tony: Yeah. To be proud of ourselves.

Mica: Thank you to Savy, Aqeel and Rebekah for sharing their insight and wisdom with us. And thank you to Tony, Sabrina and Sabahat for fostering the safe space for this meaningful conversation. And a special thanks to Carly Stasko, Braden Doane, and Day Milman for their help in producing today's episode. These conversations were recorded as part of the Peer Wisdom Talking Walls exhibit. The West Meeting Room is a production of Hart House Stories. Our intro outro music was produced by Dan Driscoll. To find out more about our team and the Talking Walls exhibit. Please visit harthouse.ca and be sure to follow us on Instagram at @harthousestories. I'm Mica signing off as your host for today's broadcast of The West meeting Room. Thanks so much for listening and we'll see you next week.

#student #community #care #learning #study #experience #relationship #navigating

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adhd-asd · 5 years

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Hey. So i need arguments to make my mom let me go to the doctor because i think i have adhd. So. Can you have (or should i say be???) adhd and still be rather good at school? Because in every article every where it says that you have to be bad at school and stuff and i wasnt. (i wasnt a genuis either and i know the kind of problems i had in school and i think they might be adhd thing as well but i dont think i can make my mom believe that so i need a proof anyway, like people who are the same)

I’ve talked about this briefly in this post but yes, it’s possible for someone of any level of academic performance to have ADHD. I don’t know if personal anecdotes count as proof for your purposes, but I’m professionally diagnosed and was consistently near or at the top of my class throughout school despite my awful procrastination.

ADHD’s Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria played a huge part in my own academic success because I couldn’t handle the pain that came with not living up to people’s high expectations of me. My creativity and love of writing meant that I excelled early on, and that success was then expected to continue, but I was also physically incapable of properly budgeting my time as school got more complicated, so assignments were left to the last minute and then completed in a flurry of hyperfocus. It was never about actually learning and being able to apply concepts to prepare myself for my future, just memorising and regurgitating information - which I had a natural aptitude for - to get the grade that would appease the people around me.

Unfortunately, judging someone’s “success” solely based on their final grades completely misses the work ethic behind those grades, and anyone who looked at my 97s and 99s wouldn’t see the stress-laden terror I was the night (or morning) before each assignment was due. This wasn’t sustainable at all and ultimately led to major burnout and depression, but according to the way my school measured success, I was good in school.

It’s for that reason that I think it’s important to acknowledge that the definition of “good in school” can significantly impact the answer to the question. I believe it’s entirely possible for someone to struggle in school because of their ADHD, do well in school despite their ADHD, and do well in school because of their ADHD. It depends on the structure and expectations of the school environment itself combined with the ways in which the individual’s symptoms manifest, their natural aptitude and interest in the subjects, and the external circumstances and support structures present in their life.

An ADHDer whose symptoms play nice with the school environment will have a very different experience than that of someone whose symptoms largely hinder or contradict the behaviour and skills expected of them.

While it was probably true of articles in the past, not all modern articles corroborate the idea that being bad at school is required to have ADHD. ADHD symptoms can definitely impact academic success, but the way in which they do so is starting to be acknowledged as much more nuanced than just “bad grades” and often coming down to executive dysfunction. I think this article provides a helpful summary of, and rebuttals to, the most common misconceptions surrounding ADHD and academic performance.

For some more personal accounts, this one and this one stand out to me, but you might want to try Googling stuff like “ADHD and school performance”, “ADHD and IQ”, “ADHD good in school”, or “smart ADHD” to look over the various resources and articles and judge them for yourself. While not necessarily applicable to your own situation specifically,I’ve seen the co-occurrence of being academically gifted and having ADHD referred to as being “twice exceptional”, so that might also be something worth following up on as well for more general information on the phenomenon.

It’s my understanding that the “bad at school” ADHD stereotype tends to stem from Primarily Hyperactive types who don’t acclimate well to the learning environment and therefore are more visibly disruptive, while largely ignoring Primarily Inattentive and Combined types who struggle internally instead, so the whole thing is pretty skewed to begin with.Nowadays PI and C-types are starting to be more widely-acknowledged so it’s my hope that the stereotype is finally on its way out, at least.I hope this helps and good luck

#Brady Answers #adhd #actually adhd #resources

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surprisebitch · 5 years

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so earlier, i had a coffee chat with a senior student in my faculty who i met in an orientation last time.. and it was such a therapeutic experience. she also happens to be the ombudsperson of the student union, so i ended up venting too about my worries and stresses.. but it was so nice because i learned from her that she experienced the same. we both came from the arts faculty and then pursued business (except she did a dual degree program and finished her arts so now she’s in her final year of commerce).. but yeah, it was comforting to know that she also had a hard time adjusting. like from having a stellar gpa in arts to finding commerce challenging and she gave really nice words of wisdom which stood out for me, which i will share cause i think they’re really good words:

“when it comes to priorities.. always put yourself as the first priority and your mental health because if you put school as a top priority.. then let’s say yeah you got high gpa but you have that thought of wanting to kill yourself every sunday evening or die trying to get it.. well, that will not fucking matter because you are already dead!”

like it was YEAH common sense but the blutness was something to appreciate. of course she did say to still do your best.. but remember to eat 3 meals a day, have at least 7 hours of sleep, and to attend clubs that i ACTUALLY LOVE and ENJOY.. not just for the sake of networking or because it’s relevant to my career goals. she even mentioned “i bet you are no longer going to the gym if you used to” and it was so perceptive of her omg cause literally I HAVENT BEEN IN 4 weeks. so she said not to worry, i can always catch up on my fitness after graduation. just focus on staying healthy

and another thing she said that also stood out

“percentage grades are just a number of how well you fit in the course, and not a measure of intelligence. dont let a number measure your worth”

and she even mentioned how she had her first F in university and it was a humbling experience but she did retake in the summer and fixed that mark. but yeah, it definitely happens.. and we both ranted to how it sucks that Arts degrees dont have the same value as Commerce degrees lol but yeah it was nice to meet someone similar as you. she did Econ and i was thinking that too before i decided to transfer to business

and TBH theres many more but the bottomline is..

knowing people does get you places and makes you learn things.. so yeah if you feel a counsellor will not understand you. see if your student union has an officer who might listen cause yeah you really can learn something from them. they also helped me with my resume which is a plus!!!

#anyway goodnight #personal

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newstfionline · 4 years

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Headlines

Trump Plans to Suspend Immigration to U.S. (NYT) President Trump said on Monday evening that he intended to close the United States to people trying to immigrate into the country to live and work, a drastic move that he said would protect American workers from foreign competition once the nation’s economy began to recover from the shutdown caused by the coronavirus outbreak. “In light of the attack from the Invisible Enemy, as well as the need to protect the jobs of our GREAT American Citizens,” Mr. Trump wrote on Twitter, “I will be signing an Executive Order to temporarily suspend immigration into the United States!” The president’s late-night announcement on Monday signals his most wide-ranging attempt yet to seal off the country from the rest of the world. A formal order temporarily barring the provision of new green cards and work visas could come as early as the next few days, according to several people familiar with the plan.

“I just can’t do this.” Harried parents forgo home school (AP) Frustration is mounting as more families across the U.S. enter their second or even third week of distance learning—and some overwhelmed parents say it will be their last. Amid the barrage of learning apps, video meet-ups and e-mailed assignments that pass as pandemic home school, some frustrated and exhausted parents are choosing to disconnect entirely for the rest of the academic year. Others are cramming all their children’s school work into the weekend or taking days off work to help their kids with a week’s worth of assignments in one day. That stress is only compounded for families with multiple children in different grades, or when parents work long hours outside the home. In some cases, older siblings must watch younger ones during the day, leaving no time for school work.

A century later, victory gardens connect Americans again (AP) During World War I, posters proclaiming “Food will win the war” encouraged Americans to grow victory gardens. A century later, home gardeners are returning to that idea in the fight against a global pandemic. Backyard gardeners are coming together, mostly virtually, to learn and share stories on how to grow vegetables, fruits and flowers as the novel coronavirus raises fears about disruptions in food supplies and the cost of food in a down economy. “World War I, to me, is a pretty stark parallel,” said Rose Hayden-Smith, a historian and author of “Sowing the Seeds of Victory: American Gardening Programs of World War I.” “Not only was there a war, but there was an influenza pandemic.” Now, gardeners new and old are getting online and on social media to post pictures of freshly tilled backyards, raised garden beds, seeds germinating under grow lights or flocks of chickens. Some of these gardeners are newly unemployed, or working parents stuck at home with bored kids. Others are gardening enthusiasts who never had the time before to delve deep into the hobby. Urban community gardeners are ramping up production to feed families who have lost income and kids who no longer get meals at school.

Mexico’s president praises inmate amnesty as ‘humanitarian act’ (Reuters) A prisoner amnesty law in Mexico aimed at releasing non-violent inmates as a coronavirus containment measure won praise from President Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador on Tuesday, coming as health authorities expect the virus to spread faster in the days ahead. The Mexican Congress passed the amnesty late on Monday. It will allow for the release of low-level offenders, including those convicted of robbery and small-scale drug possession, as well women jailed on abortion charges. It will also apply to indigenous convicts who did not receive an adequate defense due to language barriers and those who were coerced to work with criminal gangs.

British tabloids: ‘Distorted, false, or invasive beyond reason’ (CJR) Prince Harry and Meghan Markle have written to the British tabloids promising never to work with them again. The couple, who moved abroad and ended official royal duties last month, sent the letter to four of the main British tabloids—The Sun, Daily Mail, Daily Express and Daily Mirror—on Sunday evening. The former royals said they were implementing a new media-relations policy toward the outlets after the publication of what they believed were distorted and invasive stories. “It is gravely concerning that an influential slice of the media, over many years, has sought to insulate themselves from taking accountability for what they say or print—even when they know it to be distorted, false, or invasive beyond reason,” the couple said.

Normal influenza cases all but vanish in Europe (Reuters) Influenza, which each year kills hundreds of thousands of people worldwide, all but vanished in Europe last month as coronavirus lockdowns slowed transmission, according to EU data and scientists. The northern hemisphere’s winter flu outbreak normally runs from October until mid-May and in some seasons has claimed lives on the scale of COVID-19, despite the existence of a vaccine. Influenza killed 152,000 people in Europe in the 2017-18 winter. So far, COVID-19 has taken nearly 100,000 lives across the continent, albeit in a shorter period of time.

Virus forces cancellation of iconic events like Oktoberfest (AP) Spain canceled the Running of the Bulls in July, the U.S. scrapped the national spelling bee in June and Germany even called off Oktoberfest, making it clear Tuesday that the effort to beat back the coronavirus and return to normal could be a long and dispiriting process.

India’s migrant workers start heading home (Reuters) In one of the biggest mass movements of people in the country since the partition of India and Pakistan in 1947, after the shutdown, the cities themselves began to empty. Dayaram Kushwaha and his family were among the first to move. As the days went on, and the situation became more desperate, hundreds of thousands of migrants emerged from factories and workplaces in search of a way home. Indian officials say the shutdown is necessary to beat coronavirus in the densely populated country of 1.3 billion people, with a health infrastructure that can ill afford a widespread outbreak. But for Dayaram and many of India’s estimated 140 million migrant laborers, the epidemic is much more than a threat to their health—it endangers their very economic survival.

Assertive China (Reuters) As the coronavirus crisis eases in China and rages elsewhere around the world, it is becoming increasingly assertive in the region. In a significant strike against democracy activists in Chinese-ruled Hong Kong, police in the city arrested 15 people on Saturday, just days after a senior Beijing official called for the local government to introduce national security legislation “as soon as possible.” China has also been flying regular fighter patrols near Chinese-claimed Taiwan and has sent a survey ship flanked by coast guard and other vessels into the South China Sea.

Netanyahu’s Power Is Extended as Rival Accepts Israel Unity Government (NYT) Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu of Israel and his former challenger, Benny Gantz, agreed Monday night to establish a unity government, a deal that finally breaks a yearlong political impasse and keeps Mr. Netanyahu in office as he faces trial on corruption charges. After three inconclusive elections in the past year, the creation of the new government forestalls what had appeared to be an inevitable fourth election and offers a deeply divided Israel a chance for national healing as it battles the coronavirus pandemic. For Mr. Netanyahu, the agreement buys him time to try to resolve two contentious issues central to his legacy: to sidestep his prosecution or at least prevent it from driving him from power, and to extend Israeli sovereignty over occupied Palestinian territory.

#headlines #news

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aro-ace-advice · 4 years

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I've just started high school and I have gotten lots of homework and having lots of tests to study for. Any tips on how to study, manage time or even just handle lots of stress?

ree says: hi anon! as you may know if you’re a long-time follower, i dropped out of high school after one semester to study for my GED independently. my high school experience (however short) was enough to send me into a severe depressive episode, so most of my advice is probably going to be focused on mental health and not so much on things like grades, but i’ll try to include advice for both.

make friends in every class. even if they’re just casual friends, and you don’t become ride-or-die with them, having someone you can ask for homework help in every class will make things a good deal more tolerable.

do your most important homework as soon as you get home. give yourself like 20-30 minutes after you walk in the door to unwind and to eat a snack, and then get started. i always prioritized the subject that i knew would take the longest just to get it out of the way (fuckin algebra). do your daily homework immediately, and spread out your work for the assignments that have a deadline that’s further away. that way when you’re relaxing for the night you can actually enjoy your down time without any too-close deadlines.

don’t study too hard. i’m serious with this one. i know it probably sounds a little silly, since school is all about studying, right? nope. no. absolutely not. i knew kids who would study for hours and hours at a time, and like-- okay that’s fine if you like that sort of thing, but if your studying is constantly taking priority over having fun? stop that! there’s this awful mentality in high school sometimes where you think you don’t deserve to have fun if your studying isn’t done, or if you got a bad grade, and that’s so unhealthy. sometimes you need to let go and do something you enjoy for a little while regardless of your grades or how much work you have left to do. if studying and grades are really important to you and that’s simply not an option, turn your studying into something fun, like a game. i know that’s elementary school advice, but it works! humans have been using music and fun to teach concepts for years, and frankly i don’t understand why schools don’t use that strategy more often. think about nursery rhymes, or theater songs you heard like one time but somehow know all the lyrics to anyway. turn your language vocab into a little song, or your flashcards into one of those memory games. make your math formulas into slam poetry. poring for hours over your textbook will only do so much. it’s important to read them (especially the footnotes), but as long as you’re making sure that you’re reading comprehensively, going over the unit like once or twice every three weeks or so to keep your memory fresh should suffice.

eat a sustainable amount of food. you’d think i wouldn’t have to mention this, but i’ve known quite a few people (myself included) who will forego food when they’re stressed / depressed / anxious et cetera. sometimes i get so caught up in my work that i forget that i’m hungry, and then i get hangry and yell a lot, and then everybody has a bad time. that isn’t healthy! don’t get into that habit. don’t skip lunch or dinner to study, and eat snacks when you need a boost. your body needs nutrients and learning takes brain energy. take care of your body!

don’t take on a busier schedule than you can handle. you will see kids doing like four AP classes on top of five extracurriculars and still getting good grades. if that’s you, great! if that’s not you, also great! don’t think that just because someone you know can or wants to do all that that you have to do it too. stress levels and class loads do not need to be a competition, and surprisingly, some kids will treat them like they are. if you’re not an AP student, that’s totally fucking okay, got it? if you don’t work and go to school, it’s fine. your worth is not measured by the amount of things you can cram into a week. keep it to the things you actually want to do, and keep it all at a healthy and manageable level. if you decide to do AP classes, you might have to give up something else in your schedule so you don’t overwork yourself. rest and down time is a must.

school is not, and never will be, more important than your health. i got so miserable in school that i stopped caring that i was depressed, and just sort of went with it. that was bad. i could have gotten even more depressed than i did, but i decided enough was enough and that i needed to find a different way to graduate. high school is not built for everyone, it’s a cookie cutter system. don’t feel bad if your grades slip or you’re not doing so well. not every studying tip you hear from your peers or your teachers is going to work for you, and that’s kind of the problem with high school. your administration will say “this is the way to go about things, if you do it any other way, you’re wrong” with just about everything. study techniques. homework. english class. that rhetoric is gonna be so common, and it’s gonna feel really confining. if my list of advice doesn’t work for you, that’s okay! this is just some of the stuff that kept me sane while i was in school, and obviously, you are not me. you might feel differently about some of this stuff. so branch out. there’s never just one way of doing things, and if you’re not content with the way your high school experience is going, keep changing stuff up till you find what works. high school is only four years of your life, even if it feels like it takes forever, and you’re gonna graduate and see that the world really is not at all what school makes it seem like.

the most important thing to learn, more than any academia, is how to be kind and find enjoyment in everyday moments.

#anonymous #gen #school advice

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sanderssidesfanfiction · 5 years

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We’ll Carry On - Chapter Thirty Three

We’ll Carry On Tag

General Content Warnings: Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, Substance Abuse, Abandonment, Minor Character Death, Transphobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Dissociation, Bullying, Homophobia

June 26th, 2003

Emile was standing in front of Remy’s new coffee shop with an extreme sense of pride. They had barely been open a month and business was booming enough that they had gotten an article in the local paper. The reporter was taking pictures and asking Remy questions, which he readily answered. But Emile’s heart was hammering in his chest. “Hey, Rem, I have a question for you,” he said.

“Babe, you know all of this already, I talked it over with you,” Remy said.

“Not that kind of question,” Emile said. He reached into his pocket, pulled out a ring box, and got down on one knee. “Do I have to say the words? Because I realized I could never make a romantic speech for you, so I decided to cut to the chase.”

Remy’s face broke out into a grin as Emile opened the ring box. “Of course I’ll marry you, Emile!” he laughed. He reached into his own pocket and pulled out a ring box of his own. “Great minds, huh?”

Emile laughed, stood, and kissed Remy deeply, which the reporter happily took pictures of, congratulating them on the engagement as well as the success of the store.

September 2nd, 2019

Emile watched as the kids all clambored around the dinner table, talking animatedly about how their first days of school had gone. He placed the last plate on the table and clapped his hands. “Ami and I would love to hear your stories, just one at a time, please.”

When everyone looked at each other, Logan cleared his throat. “I suppose I can go first,” he said. “I met all my teachers today. My ASL teacher is the same, but otherwise I’d only seen my other teachers in the halls or occasionally in clubs I would visit with my other friends. Jack was happy to see me, as were my other friends.”

“And did you see any of your friends, Roman?” Emile asked.

“I mean, I wouldn’t call the people I hung out in seventh grade with friends. They were the only people who would talk to me, and they weren’t very nice about it,” Roman explained, scratching his neck. “But there’s a few cool kids in my English class. One of them is writing novel-length stories in her free time. She said there was this thing in November...NaNo something, which she was gonna try. She would be writing fifty thousand words in a month! I couldn’t believe it!

“And then there was this guy in math class who saw me, sat down right next to me, and introduced himself as ‘Chad from High School Musical.’ He was funny and said that he’d like to be my friend just because he’d never had anyone laugh at his jokes like I had.”

Logan nodded approvingly. “Sounds like you’re making new friends already.”

“Yeah! It’s not as hard in the beginning of the year!” Roman exclaimed. “In the middle it’s difficult, but when you’re meeting a bunch of new people in your grade anyway, it’s easier to make friends.”

Remy cleared his throat and said, “So, Patton and Virgil, how was your first day in the third grade?”

“It was good!” Patton said. “Virgil and I got put in the same class again, which was nice! And our teacher seems really cool! He drew a giant wave on the white board just because he could and because he didn’t want summer to be over.”

Virgil nodded. “He also saw that I read Goosebumps and recommended a few books that he has on the shelves around the room that I might like. He’s pretty cool. Although I think the best part of the class was when Rick wound up being in our same class and when he tried to yell at me and call me names, Mister Prince shut him up by simply saying that if he had a problem with gay people, then he had a problem with Mister Prince himself, and he was more than welcome to throw those insults his way instead of mine.”

Patton’s eyes lit up. “You should have seen him, Dad! He didn’t raise his voice, and he didn’t glare, he just calmly stood there and told Rick that he was insulting every gay person when he insulted Virgil, and that included Mister Prince! It was amazing!”

Emile smiled. “I’m glad you have a teacher who stands up for his students,” he said. “Dee, what about you?”

Dee cleared his throat a couple times and fiddled with his new bat pendant that Emile and Remy had given him this morning. “Good,” he mumbled. “Lucy was in my class, and the translator they assigned me was okay, too. She talked to both Lucy and I a lot when we had free time.”

“And you weren’t lost when the teacher started to talk about different things like reading and math?” Remy asked.

Dee shook his head. “It was almost too easy,” he signed. “Once I figured out how to read I could learn stuff on my own, and I learned a lot of what the teacher talked about.”

Emile and Remy shared a look. Emile felt a little shocked, but Remy’s face was filled with pride and a look that vaguely said, I told you so!

“That’s great, Dee,” Emile said. “You might get put in some of the advanced groups.”

“I like learning,” Dee signed. “Most of the other kids don’t, but I found it interesting, and so does Lucy.”

“Something tells me you and Lucy are going to be really good friends this year,” Remy said, smiling. “And that’s good. You work better when you have friends to help you.”

Logan murmured his agreement. “I don’t know what I would have done in middle school without Jack. Suddenly we were taking seven different classes every day and we had to figure out where every last one of them was with little to no help. Jack willingly wandered the halls with me trying to figure out where everything was,” he said.

Roman laughed. “I can almost picture it! A baby Logan wandering the halls, cheeks bright red from embarrassment at not being able to read the school map correctly, and Jack right next to you, holding your wrist in a vice as he guides you through the crowd to the right classroom. How close am I?”

Logan glared and Roman laughed harder. “Pretty close, then?” he teased.

“Whatever,” Logan said, voice cracking. “It’s not like you’ve never gotten lost before.”

“Maybe so, but at least I can read the maps people give me,” Roman laughed. “I had no problems finding my classes today once they gave me a map of the hallways.”

Logan stuck his tongue out before going back to his food. Roman just continued to laugh under his breath. Patton tilted his head to the side and he asked, “What’s high school like?”

Roman shook his head. “No clue. Probably better than middle school, though.”

“Definitely better than middle school for me,” Remy said. “Your mileage may very, but I doubt you’ll miss middle school.”

“I certainly don’t,” Logan said. “High school is pretty nice. Sure, you have to go to all your classes every day and you get a lot of homework, but you also get new friends, and a bunch of different clubs to try and enjoy. It can get a bit boring, though. The Honors classes are challenging for most people, but I found that I got bored pretty quickly.”

“Which would be why we enrolled you in AP classes,” Emile said. “And you never complained about your summer homework for them being boring.”

“We read Ender’s Game, which was a pretty interesting book,” Logan said with a shrug. “And we had to write an essay on thought-provoking topics I had never really considered before, and use sources to back up our opinions, which isn’t new, but the way they handled it made it more of a challenge. And AP Calculus? That’s a real challenge, but in a good way.”

“You’ll never be bored,” Remy said with a grin.

“Oh, no, I imagine I’ll get bored doing twenty variations of the same questions that we went over how to solve in class. But I’ll be bored because it’s monotonous, not because it isn’t intellectually stimulating,” Logan said. “I can be bored doing the same thing over and over, even if I have to focus to solve the problem. It just means it’s harder to focus and solve that problem, and it takes longer to finish the homework.”

“We’ll have to figure out how to entertain you while you do the monotonous work, then,” Remy said. “Provided, of course, you get bored. Because I find that when you focus, you rarely complain about being bored, because your mind has less time to wander.”

Logan shrugged. “I get bored in the same amount of time. But because I’m focusing on the problem, I don’t have the wherewithal to complain that I’m bored in the hopes that I get out of work.”

Roman shook his head. “That makes no sense. But I support you, I guess. Honors courses are sometimes fun, but mostly just a lot more work for no good reason.”

“Blech,” Patton said. “I don’t want more work! Why would you get more work dumped on you just for being smart? Why not just make the work harder instead of longer?”

“They do make the work harder,” Logan said.

“Well that’s even worse!” Patton exclaimed. “Because you get harder work and more work, which makes the extra time you have to work doubly long!”

“I...that’s not...how...that...works...doubly long isn’t a valid form of measurement...?” Logan stammered.

Roman laughed. “You short-circuited him! For what it’s worth, I agree that the honors kids shouldn’t have more work and harder work. Make it one or the other.”

Patton nodded solemnly. “It just seems unfair otherwise.”

Dee waved his hands and signed, “What are Honors courses, really?”

“Torture in its purest form,” Roman said with a smirk.

“Roman, no informing the others that something you don’t like is torture,” Remy said. “We don’t want them dreading school just yet.”

“So, save it for winter break is what I’m hearing,” Roman said.

Remy sighed. “If that’s what gets you to stop talking about it now, then sure.”

“But what are they?” Dee signed, insistent.

Virgil turned to look at Dee. “You know how in school they have different groups for the different kids, one for the kids who need extra help, one for the kids who are super smart, and then one for those in between?”

Dee nodded.

“Honors courses are the groups of super smart kids all in one class, so they don’t have to take turns with the teacher,” Virgil said.

“They can also be boring, and lots of work,” Logan added. “But Virgil’s summary is correct.”

“So you’re the smartest of the super smart kids?” Dee asked, hands moving in a blur. “If you’re in classes that are above the honors ones?”

Logan shrugged. “I don’t know about the smartest,” he said. “But there are fewer people in AP classes because they are more challenging than honors. If I’m the smartest out of my classmates I’d be shocked. Some of them are exceptionally bright.”

“So are you,” Emile pointed out. “Don’t sell yourself short.”

Logan shrugged noncommittally, and Emile wanted to argue the point further, but Remy put his free hand on Emile’s, a silent message to drop the conversation, at least for a little bit. “So I’m taking it that the first day of school was a success,” Remy said. “Logan, Roman, do you have any plans for clubs?”

Logan offered a small smile. “They’re doing emergency elections for the Gay-Straight Alliance at school, since the people who were president and vice president last year either graduated or transferred. I’m running for vice, Jack’s running for president. So we’re planning our campaign and seeing if we can get some educational flyers up around the school about gender and sexuality if we win.”

“There’s talk of the middle school doing a play or a musical this year, but everyone thinks it’s more likely to be a play,” Roman said with a shrug. “I want to try out, see if I like being on the stage as much as I like watching people up there. You know, before high school comes around and the auditions are super early in the year.”

“Why can’t we have fun clubs like that?” Patton asked with a whine.

Vanellope walked into the room, apparently looking for a little extra food after her own dinner. As Remy got up to give her something to keep her occupied and away from Dee, who was most likely to give her food, Emile said, “You can in middle school. In elementary school, it's hard, especially since most of the kids are young enough that they need to be looked after most of the time, and a lot of the staff have enough on their plates.”

“Middle school is forever away, though,” Virgil sighed.

Emile chuckled and shook his head. “It may feel like that, Virge, but I guarantee that it’ll fly by and you’ll be looking for clubs you like in no time.”

“Yeah. You’ll find somewhere you belong,” Remy said, walking back into the room. “I’m sure of it.”

#we'll carry on #sanders sides fanfiction #emile picani #remy sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #our creations #danger gays

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