#but again it doesnt matter! it doesnt matter! its a means to an end! if we eventually get access to our tts again | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

oursystemblog · 24 hours

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is wishing you could be a system a symptom of being one? i was reading your blog yesterday and i got very very sad, and other system content will often make me sad because i relate to feeling like, in system terms, an original personality/memory holder who is too sad and traumatized to function and doesnt want to front, only its like i always have to be me no matter how much i hate me, and hate existing. so as a result i just dont function really. i relate to stuff you said about shutting down when in too much distress, like going emotionally numb, and i also dissociate a lot. but even when my mind is on something else and im acting different, its not really like switching to a different mode of awareness. i think it might be better if it was. i wish i was an alter so i could go dormant forever. im scared that its too late to completely rehaul how i conceptualize... living, thinking, being, etc... im scared i have to be me forever. im not sure this is a normal or appropriate way to feel... and im sorry for asking something so emotionally loaded too. i dont even know what im asking really... i guess just, if you have any advice, and if you ever felt this way before you realized you were a system, and how you realized. thanks if you answer. sorry

Hi, i wanted to try and write a helpful response however it ended up being Way Longer than i expected to say anything substantial so it's under the cut

I can't really give a 100% certain answer to your question—Symptoms like emotional shutdown and dissociation in response to stress/trauma are also possible without necessarily being a system, ultimately I can't say whether or not you are one (it took me a while to even say whether or not I was one haha). I personally didn't have the experience of wishing i could be a system before i figured it out, but I think I've heard from some other systems that they did experience that; I suppose it's different for everyone.

i'd try to give a more helpful response about how i realized i was a system but i actually don't remember very much about it—I guess I was always aware that I had an "other state" of myself with Very distinctly different mannerisms from my own who was pretty consistently "triggered out" by specific situations (the other state was also aware of themself like "oh, i'm in This Mode again"), and then eventually i thought "that might not be normal actually" and started researching about dissociative disorders some more

Regardless of whether or not you have alters/are an alter, I don't think going dormant would solve the problem, even though I absolutely understand the feeling. While we were still discovering our system we were in a pretty bad place, and when we discovered our own emotion-holder she was very angry and sad—which scared me initially, and i Kind of Wished that she would disappear or that I could just be A Normal Regular Singular Person. A while later I calmed down and realized it was not productive to wish things like that, so I tried talking to her and telling her that it was okay to feel angry, but that things can be better now than in the past and we are capable of healing—treating her with compassion

I think having a conversation with A Literal Part of Myself that held our anger and sadness was helpful, but I also think it's possible to do something similar even if you're not a system—to treat yourself with compassion too, I guess is what I'm getting at here.

I didn't think it would get better, but it did. I mean it took a while and there were ups and downs , but as long as you're still here it is never to late to learn to live again and to recover

Ultimately, everyone's circumstances are different and maybe what helped me doesn't apply the same way to you, but please try to remember that things can get better. Healing is possible, i wish you the best

#summarizing the multiparagraph long response the important part is that healing and getting better is possible regardless of whether you're #a system or not and also do not give up hope #ask

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yuridovewing · 5 months

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I'm making the RiverClan Trio (Minnowtail, Rippletail, and Beetlewhisker) antagonist-adjacent in my AU, for petty stuff in Po3 and for actual horrors in OotS, and while talking to Vio I got the cursed idea that they're like those anti rivals you see in kids superhero shows that parallel the protags in power and personality and maybe appearance (think the Rowdyruff Boys from PPG) and now I wanna lean into that. Make Po3 basically just an episodic superhero kids show parody. Go all out with it's ridiculous premise

#and its kinda shallow on the surface parallels at first that get further fleshed out in oots as the kids become adults #like. beetlepaw and lionpaw are the brawn. the tough guys. ripplepaw and jaypaw are the sarcastic mean guys #hollypaw and minnowpaw are the smart and calculated Girls. actually wanna make minnowpaw a mean girl #mousewhisker and his evil supervillain riverclan gf (hes just a guy)#and in oots again its more fleshed out. like hollyleaf is vigilant about the code and has a mental breakdown over it #while minnowtail thinks shes above all of the rules and starclan itself so her being halfclan doesnt matter to her #but she does go through a redemption as her family is picked off. by the end of oots its just her and her mom icewing. :(#idk what she'll do past that yet but she and hollyleaf end up in opposite spots where hollyleaf left a hole in her family #while minnow got better but was the last one standing. she has nothing now #except her mom but she cant understand her loneliness.#razorverse

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faebriel · 5 months

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hgs brainrot has returned due to tbosas .. speaking of hgs here’s an ask abt the hgs au: if things were totally different, and Wilbur were to be a 12 victor, what do you think a possible mentor-tribute dynamic would look like between him & Niki? I feel like it would be similar to Snow & Lucy in the way that he’s just going out of his way to cheat n help her

anon u have in fact struck jackpot because this is a concept i was spinning some thoughts abt before bee mentioned avoxes and we went OOOOH at that!!! so yes i have considered rainduo as a mentor-tribute dynamic and would love to talk about that concept too :]

so for this concept i think wilbur and niki would be close friends throughout childhood from 12, and then in their teens wilbur is reaped and, well, no one has particularly high hopes (he's a writer and a musician at heart, not a fighter) but through sheer trickery and dumb luck, he makes it to the end of the games. wilbur pulled some pretty fucked up tricks to win - when you can't use brute force, you have to use your brain - and partly due to the trauma of the games, partly due to his shame and survivor's guilt, he sinks into the capitol and relishes a new life there as a socialite. to him, the old wilbur died in the games and the new one has taken his place - to niki, and to his other friends in 12, whatever the games did to him made him into every vapid heartless capitol victor there is.

or. niki has her doubts. they all saw how horrible the games were, but surely there is some part of him left, some part that's hurting, even if it's buried deep?

anyway.

like og spin of the au, niki is reaped and this sucks - this time she does expect wilbur as her mentor on the train, and she expects some kind of warm welcome (maybe even an apology for leaving them so suddenly and silently? an explanation?) but she gets jack shit. wilbur is jaded and cruel and unrecognisable and niki entirely hates it. this is the part where i REALLY WISH we got some time of those two beefing with each other directly in canon (or at least interactions while niki was So Mad at him) but it's okay we fly blind. niki feels abandoned, lonely, thrown off of her kilter - she expected an ally in this place, but she doesn't recognise the person wilbur has become. she doesn't recognise his shallowness (...much), his ruthless advice for the arena, the way he doesn't seem to care for anything. she's scared and now she's lonely and it pisses her off - their mentorship is fraught. here are some thoughts from discord on that:

i tend to think of niki as a bit naïve before l'manberg or even doomsday - i think this is an au where this streak would come out real strong, and niki is stubborn that she can get through the games without losing herself. stubborn that she can stop things, that she can protect people. i don't think wilbur is cold enough (or, really, can bear to say aloud) to say that her odds in the arena are slim enough as it is, but he definitely tells her that she's making enemies and that her odds of survival dwindle with the more trouble she causes.

beyond that... hm. niki's trust in wilbur is almost unshakeable until nov 16, even when she outright says she doesn't recognise him anymore. i think she'd reluctantly listen re: don't burn down any buildings, but she would grow bolder each day she had to stay in the capitol. she gets more honest in front of the cameras. she makes more friends in training, and not the ones wilbur recommends. she throws barbs at him every time he makes one of those callous, cold-hearted comments about other tributes and rankings and odds. and besides, she's going in the arena this time, not him. she needs to practice her bravery.

it's like... she hasn't given up on him. she thinks the old wilbur is in there somewhere. (she is wrong. that is not how trauma works.) but she won't hold her tongue just because she

for extra angst points could definitely play up the whole 'feeling abandoned' angle between them as niki goes into the arena - probably due to how fraught their friendship gets leading up to the games. niki wants to focus on them and their friendship, wilbur has stringently cut off (almost) everything from 12 and refuses to let her in; he tells her to behave for the cameras, she tells him she never will. i think the last point in that screenshot would also make for a super tasty argument where niki feels wilbur has gone astray, that he's abandoned 12, and that he'll probably do nothing but sit on his ass and watch her die and he can't even bring himself to care about her anymore, can he? just more fodder for the arena. and honestly, i think wilbur would passively agree with most of that - he values niki's opinion, after all, even now, and if she says he's rapidly descending into a lost cause then she must be right. and it's niki, so she will be fine, and he goes to his bedroom that night and tries to pretend he is sleeping perfectly fine instead of feeling paralysed with fear.

okay now onto the games - YES HE SO WOULD. or at least i think he would go out of his way to help. as for cheating - he's a recent victor for 12 and i think he would value tommy (no doubt a link to him... i think they'd be in touch in this au also) too much to risk the punishment falling onto him as well. i get the vibes this is a games closer to 74th than 10th, so there are far fewer opportunities to cheat and the consequences of getting caught are higher. but schmoozing up sponsors? making stupid ass radio interviews or whatever to talk up niki's odds? sharing anecdotes from their childhood - some real, some entirely fabricated - across capitol airwaves to stoke their sympathy? 100%. with less to lose in this au, i think niki would be far less inclined to play nice for the cameras - i hope you starve, she spits at one of them, and wilbur appears on a talkshow two days later as she scrambles for survival in the arena to talk up how she always saved loaves from the bakery for the poorest mothers and children in 12. he borrows and begs and swindles to the point where it feels like cheating. but hey, this new wilbur is capitol-branded. he knows how to play the game.

if anything he probably sinks into the game a little too much. self-preservation is not his forte. probably wracks up a few heavy debts and favours to owe, but those are not priority until niki is out of the arena, alive. as long as she wins, and as long as the family he has isn't in danger, he will manage. wow it would suck if at some point those two goals became impossible to co-achieve. anyway

i kind of see niki's victory in the arena being similar to the one in the main au - if only because planning out an entire games is hard for meee >-< . she walks in bolder and braver for sure, and with a less strategic pick of allies, but they all get picked off and she spends a few weeks so terrified she can barely sleep and then she ruptures some fuel line and sets the arena alight with a fire that burns brighter and more ravenously than it should. but she wins, and she's airlifted out of a filthy, muddy creek she had resigned herself to die in, and wilbur barges his way through as many peacekeepers so that he can actually see her with her burnt skin and hair and unfocused eyes and trust that what was on the screens wasn't a fluke, and that they made it. and then it's just a matter of surviving the after.

i'm sure there are some other random quirks or tidbits i can think of re: this take on a c!rainduo hunger games au but these are my base thoughts!!

#can i just say whatever the hell lucy grey n snow had going on in part 1 made me so berko btw. like congrats ur my means to an end youre my #symbol youre my buddy? should we kiss? i'll get you out of here / don't make me leave these people behind #BRIDGING OFF OF THE TBOSAS DISCUSSION. i think the thing with crainduo (or at least how i like to depict them) is that they care about each #other extremely deeply and value each other... without being each others number one priority at all times.#i don't think niki plays priority with people she cares for like that; see her relationships with like wilbur and eret in lmanberg #even her friendship with and offering ponk a place to stay in her city after manberg even tho manberg hurt her #as for wilbur: his priority is tommy. like always. if it was just him on the line he'd do anything to get niki thru but it's not #asks #hunger games au #they would truly be such a nightmare in this au like. wilbur's self loathing is SO HIGH due to survivors guilt and trauma and mental illnes #he thinks that niki is So Good and Has It Together meanwhile he is So Bad #and is a mess that she cannot possibly rely on him. she can't possibly need him. she can't possibly want him around #<- and this shit is INGRAINED like. it's not even an active thought pattern anymore it is carved into his brain like a groove #and so shes like. do you even care whether i live or die??#of course he does. but this is the capitol. he cant be vulnerable in a way that matters #and that alienates niki further and this rage and heartbreak is building in her with nowhere to go. and in the arena she thinks it erupts #nah uh. i think its AFTER the area when she has to face wilbur again that she would go full screaming meltdown #ANYWAY !! i really like aus where they have this friction esp because i think like.. idk i think sometimes our views of rainduo are too ros #wilbur kind of forgets about niki sometimes because his self hatred is that bad. niki doesnt get wilburs mental illness and takes it both a #a burden/blame AND a direct rejection of her and her friendship #and they hover just outside of each others spaces anxious and angry and almost self flagellating. GOOD FOR THEM !#anyway Yes this did unlock something within me. thanks anon feel free to add on if u had more thoughts esp re: tbosas and such bc i had suc #a good time watching that movie

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godsfavoritescientist · 1 year

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*collapses on the floor and starts having visions (new fic ideas)*

#godsrambles #godsficideas #tags essay #the idea is: in his early portal travel days. ford thinks he has discovered a way to quickly and easily confront and kill bill #it sounds almost too good to be true. but he has to try.#the random alien stranger/s who sold him this 'opportunity' for a high price are like 'ok. setting up the death ray now. brb'#'meanwhile a portal to bills dimension will start opening up. its safe youll be fine.'#so ford is sitting in this tiny storage room place with an alleged portal to the nightmare realm slowly opening up before his eyes.#and bill is on the other side of the so-called 'portal.' he can look right back at ford. fords like 'hmm i hate this actually im going'#turns out the door is locked. fords first thought is 'uh oh they sold me out to bill it was all a trick'. but bill is unable to reach him.#it isnt even a portal. its just a glorified interdimensional video call. they locked the door to give them enough time to run off #before ford realized the scam. so bill laughs at him for a min. and then they have a conversation. ford finally asks 'Why??'#'why would you ruin my life??'. and bill kinda. obliges him just this once. drops his cheerful annoying act just this once.#and answers him plainly and honestly 'I didnt. i didnt try to ruin your life. it never even crossed my mind how your life could be affected #'it was all a means to an end. i wasnt ever out to get you. you never factored in at all beyond your use for making the portal.'#'i never even thought about you when we werent interacting. not even once. you think i had some big evil scheme that youre at the center of #'youre insignificant to me. all that happened was: you fell for a scam.'#'will the guys who locked you in here ever think about you again? theyve probably forgotten your face and name already.'#'im not out to get you. i just want my job finished. the same way those guys just wanted their money.'#the bottom line of the convo being: bill really *doesnt* give a single fuck. and ford never mattered to him.#not even enough for him to *think* about ford every now and then.#fords holding a grudge against a guy who barely even remembers him.#obviously this goes against my interpretation of canon but it would still be fun to write #au where bill Truly doesnt care about ford in any way and isnt even interested by him at all #the inspiration for this was just the concept of: how crushing the realization would be for ford #the horror of realizing exactly how insignificant you are in the eyes of the eldritch being that ruined your life #i am willing to write something that feels ooc for bill when it is for angst purposes lmao #indifferent-eldritch-being bill is such an angsty concept. very fun to explore #an ao3 fic called 'the bolt that busted off the lever' (iirc) has this interpretation of bill and it is great #bill looking *bored* while interacting with ford??? absolutely heartbreaking concept 10/10

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this-should-do · 1 year

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IM STILL NOT OVER HOW TODD GAVE PATRICK STEWART PAGES AND PAGES OF BACKSTORY AND CHARACTER MOTIVATIONS FOR URIEL SEPTIM, A CHARACTER EHO FUCKING D I E S IN THE FUCKING TUTORIAL AND HAS LIKE 20 LINESSS

AND THEN GIVES EVERYONE ELSE (IE 5 ACOTRS AND WES JOHNSON) THEIR LINES JN A L P H A B E T I C A L ORDER DJDNDNNDND

#god everytime i remember this i go insaneeeeeeee #its just so fuckjng funny #and mt stewart has said tbat like its great its the most anyknes ever given him tk prep for a character #amd like who knows if he means thatgenuinely or if its like a oh my god all this for 10 mins if dialogue and then i dir #but it doesnt matter #cuz its fucmjng hysterical #like u can fucking see it in every oince of the game characters changing moods between lines jn the most inappropriate ways #hell i still think about tbat instance where they kept the blooper in where the ladies like #says the ljne oh tbats horrible let me try that again syas it again #and thats just IN THERE #like T O D D #ur game is a messssss #its so glorious #everyone say thank u oblivion for being so beautifully messy even tho u arguably fucked up cyrodiils lore and geography cuz todd saw lotr #and also Really put the empite foraard as a good force liek it was the begining or the end jn morrowind but OBLIVJON Really pushed christ #iwillspeakincessantly

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asfdhgsdkjhgb · 2 years

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forgot to make a post sooner afterwards but!! went to my first pride yesterday (technically 2 days ago its past midnight but shh) and i think the absolute strangest part of the experience was when i got home i took a nap

#/g #just me rambling again #frogs down bad #i went w my bf and!! it was really fun! we saw one of our friends there too for a lil bit and a few people from our school #(also i wanna note my school had a stand we literally took so long to find it but a teacher i really like was running it! so we said hi)#it was a lot of people n hot out n a lot of walking around but it was fun i think!#it was neat #i didnt end up buying anything but at one place that had free pins i got a demi flag one and one w it/its on it which :]]#im saying it was fun bc im pretty sure it was my brain cant really process any feelings on it though its weird i think its just bc i #was probably a bit overwhelmed the whole time but like. i dont mean that in a super negative way i am just a bit confused #i do think it was fun though #back to the post part tho #i wanna note that i am not someone who naps like i genuinely cannot ever sleep during the day the only exception usually being #when im really sick like physically ill otherwise it doesnt matter how tired i am i can never nap #that being said #when we got back to my house we had some food and then layed down together and like. i was out in minutes. both of us were #straight up slept for an hour i think #which is so weird to me #like im sure i needed it we had just walked around for a few hours in a loud hot VERY peopley environment but like. what??????#that was the easiest ive gotten to sleep by far within the past week or so ive been sleeping like shit ngl so that was. even stranger #genuinely it is so weird to me #i cant nap #but i did #and it was very comfy and it was one of those naps where you k n o w you slept hard bc you wake up a lil disoriented w fabric #wrinkle prints on ur face from whatever you were sleeping on #still so strange to me #something about this silly person of mine makes my brain work different in the comfy way like there was one other time last week #i think at our friends house where we were all chilling in the middle of the afternoon and i almost fell asleep on him then as well #i do not understand my brain ngl #in regards to comfy cozy or the fact that it cannot conceptualize a legitimate feeling or opinion on the experience of going to pride

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dbssh · 2 years

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i think ive always been really into the fantasy of immortality & time loops & ghost-type afterlives because . well. i dont know i always feel like there is more to learn, something im missing, something i havent done yet that im missing out on. so to get to the end of a game that's all about learning the missing pieces and be able to finally just, finish and let it go is such a therapeutic experience. its about accepting death and moving on and it taps in so well to that fantasy of wanting to have enough time to truly come to terms with everything. idk. its a peace.

#red.txt #and like... i dont know #the fact that there just. is no answer and that in of itself is the answer #there isnt a 'why' for the greatest mysteries posed by the universe #why do the twins do that with the sand? why do the jellies move like that in giants deep? how do the anglerfish survive dark bramble?#there is no answer; they just do. thats just how the universe works; its just nature #nothing is personal #and its not happening because of you but its also not happening *for* you #youre just lucky enough to get to witness it #to see everything #and at the end of the day what mattered the most was the connections you made to others #thats what *made* it matter #in the face of a universe that will carry on; live and die; regardless of if you're there or not #what matters is whose with you. what matters is what we learn and do and create.#the people we meet and places we see #even the connections we make with people so separated by time and circumstance and distance that we could never have met #our connections to art and music and history and home. thats what gives meanings to these small lives that would otherwise seem insignifica #nt #and when youre ready. you can always come home.#and just. the world doesnt just *end* when we end. the universe is born again and it lives again and one day it will die again #and all of these wonderful things will be gone #but none of this is *new*#everything is built on the past even if we cant see it. nothing is created or destroyed it just changes form. the dead animal feeds grass.#man. man. mannnnnnn video games.

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isaacathom · 24 days

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a party member drew us all lil arts to use as tokens in our roll20 and an unintentional consequence of the style they used (identical colours used for every party member for the purposes of differentiation from the background) is that they have absolutely whitewashed my character lmao

and like, yeah, i knew academically that my character design for that character wasnt white, like i Knew that, but then comparing the bw values for the colours used im like hooooly shit dude. and the main reason i noticed is tat the colour styling also meant that the hat and hair were the same shade, which is not true, zimris hair is way darker than their hat, and their eyes are the same colour as their hair, so it was like, the whole value space of the character was completely different

and it doesn't ~matter~, its not a thing that remotely matters - the important thing about the token is that we know where the fuck our characters are in the grid so we can fuck up some extraplanar beasties. thats fine. it doesnt matter. but its like oh. hm. okay. huh.

#also like probably an important thing to note is that i - the character designer - am very white #while the artist who made the tokens *isnt*#so its like. theres no malice here from the artist. it genuinely doesnt matter at all to anything #you can still tell zimri apart from the other characters in that simplified format.#arguably the bigger shame is that the simplified format gets rid of zimris fucking ~colours~#not just the shades but the riot of colour zimri wears. pinks and blues and yellows #zimri dresses like a walking pansexual flag and by dint of format they are now Green #but again it doesnt matter! it doesnt matter! its a means to an end! if we eventually get access to our tts again #then zimri will have the art i gave them #though if we end up going to foundry i expect the green token will Remain. we'll see. life moves on #it doesnt matter but im like :( my oc have been contrast slider'd and pastelized

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head-without-a-fucking-brain · 2 months

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Istg writing fanfics would be much more easier and fun if i was just confident about my english skills. ಠ⁠︵⁠ಠ

#aaghhhh #i hate it when things are going smoothly and then #“wait... am i spelling that correctly???”#and searching for the word and its definition to make sure its perfect.#only to confirm that #yes you were right and it means what you thought it did #so now you've wasted time and energy #cuz you felt insecure #and u start to think“why am i even doing this if i dont feel confident enough to write a fucking sentence without doubting my abilities?”#and then you sulk and cry for hours #even when you KNOW that it doesnt have to be perfect and that no matter how much you try #you are going to make mistakes because you're human #but you feel like you gotta do your fucking best even if its just for fun cause you really feel passionate about it #and its probably one of the few things in life that makes u feel something other than that knot of idek in your chest #and guts #and it freaking sucks #bc you promised to try and change for the better #but better just doesnt seem to be for “people” like you #and it always ends up with you falling into bad habits #because of course you do!#you're an spoiled brat who got praised way to much as a kid and now that you've grown up you realised that you're flawed like everybody els #you failed miserably and you are self-sabotaging again like the baby you are <3 #that motivation is gone and time has been promptly wasted ;)#but anyways sooo #this was supposed to be short #and silly #but it turned out an angsty mess #son las cosas de la vida i guess #i shoud tag this like a vent post #tw vent

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toastsnaffler · 3 months

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ugh had to get up bc I'm too awake to fall back asleep and started getting hunger cramps

#FINE ILL EAT CEREAL #also made myself rly sad bc i was thinking abt phone calls and it made me think abt how i DONT miss my ex thats long dead and buried #but I DO miss there being someone who was always happy to hear from me or hear my voice any time of day to say anything at all #and always being happy to hear from them in the same way and just. that simple casual kind of love and how easy it was every time #not even talking just how easy it was to be around them and in the same space even if we werent directly interacting #and i love my friends but its not really the same as that i always feel like the longer i talk the more im keeping them from other things #and theyre pulling away and ik my roommate has said before she doesnt rly get anything out of just. being around ppl without-#direct interaction which is ok like thats just how it works for her but also it means whenever im talking to her theres a little desperate #part of me thats like u have to keep talking bc otherwise shes going to get bored and leave except she'll do that either way bc ill run-#out of anything interesting to say.. but again its not the same anyway tho bc we're just friends theres no obligation or anything #not that it was obligation with my ex gah. but it was just so mutual and EASY i dont knowww #i think its on my mind as well bc my roommate was talking abt friends of hers she can just. Always dip into conversation with #and that made me think of my ex but i didnt wanna say bc that sounds dumb and as though im hung up on them (which im genuinely not)#and ik she feels like that abt one of our mutual friends bc theyre much closer than we are and its cute how much she talks abt him and #how obvious her love for him is and i dont begrudge them that at all but i just miss having that myself with someone #but its been so long and itll probably be a long time yet before i ever have smth like that again. if ever man #and it doesnt even matter anyway bc i guess it wasnt ever actually mutual and my ex denied a lot of it afterwards and ik part of that they #were just saying to hurt me (which worked) but it probably was partly true too. maaaan.#i just miss having a favourite person and i miss being someones favourite person even if that wasnt real in the end and i wasnt #i miss at least THINKING i was someones favourite person like back when doubt rarely occurred to me bc i cared so much abt them #like it would hardly cross my mind they didnt. or if it did it was still ok bc it was easily reassured #ahhhh im going to drive myself crazy girl i need to Stop. it doesnt matter its not within my reach anymore but. wails pitifully #sorry for being so pathetic and needy and starved on main in my defence im sick. im gonna lie down for another half hour #and then i guess get ready for work. at least if im working i wont be thinking abt this shit anymore it doesn't matter #ougrhrhhhhgougrh.#.diaries

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autistickfigure · 6 months

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(looks at my hands) Is my work too mean spirited?? Is it mean.

#memory posts #should i have been born when su would have been deeply influential to me #This doesnt really matter but it is Interesting. but i am also thinking that sooo many of my guys have the mean #theyre cartoony! and silly. this is their preferred environment. it is not because i think that Everyone is born mean. its just funnier thi #way. you can grow an attachment to mean guys. And you love it when theyre mean. THOUGHT WON i win #someone said that certain shows are too mean for them to like. but i guess ANOTHER part of the argument is i am my own audience #ANYWAY. my freaking guy bobkins. originally they are all about family. and are emotional. BUT i have briefly imagined a world #where they are capitalistically all about family. and bring capitalism to their mother AND THEREFORE the angels.#and the 1% is the bank teller angel of course. Does this even make any sense HOLD On. guyverse angels are just random guys who had #stuff that looked like a halo and were given wings and do good things Sometimes. but that means they already know what money is #did they forget? Im plot holes. ANYWAY i just dont know. it kind of goes against bobkins. but it can be funny Once. tuff tuff decisions..#ANYWAY end of text. i lost my train of thought i had to think it all over again. IN TEXT! ALSO goodnight IM taking a bath now

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satansappendix · 10 months

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Oh my god

#how to explain to mt neurotypical and abled sister that at the end of the day i dont have the mental energy to answer questions #like none #i have had a very long day of waking up early which (my intenstines make very clear is bad) and then being incredibly stressed at work #cause our fucking cash machine that handles all the cash in the store is broken and i have to balance the store and somehow fix thefuckedne #during which i didnt get time to eat anything till i got home at 2 (i wrnt in at 7 am)#then i get home and have an anxiety attack about my cat who has bladder problems and who could be obstructed again #cause we are rearranging our house for construction and he doesnt have his normal food to help reduce the likely hood #and then my mom is asking me to rearrange the furniture to make room for the window replacements tomorrow #i literally have no more mental capacity to make any decisions or wnswer anymote questions #it is just too hard to think about if im going to the beach with them on Friday #im overwhelmed and like anymore decisions or input is too much even like well meaning input #hhhhhhh #and i like dont have the ability explain this with worss cause when im overstimulated or having an attack i lose my ability to use my words #and i dtutter a dhit ton and it just stops being worth it to communicate that way #so no i want to sleep #also the way my mom is like its fine to be concerned about Lageos but you shouldnt 'let it ruin your ehole day' as if i have control over it #and dont have an unmedicated anxiety disorder and i cant just stop feeling emotikns also im autistic so like thats literally not an option #i litrrqlly cant stop being ancious about it no matter how much i understand it makes no snese

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ranboolivesaysstuff · 8 months

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IMPORTANT POST PLEASE READ

Im gonna be honest and open for a sec, and please do not take this as "oh I HATE my community or I dont like the people who watch me" but honestly as of late (and I did highlight this during the mcc bit), ive felt like I havent been able to really be in my own community simply because of the constant way that "discourse" is handled. Making vague posts and not really tackling issues in a good way, all that is going to do is just show people a big "THIS COMMUNITY BAD" sign and not actually help anything within the community, all its going to do is have the good and potentially good people leave or not join in the first place. The way that discourse is treated that ive seen has been the main reason why I have started to try to distance myself, which has been the most heartbreaking thing I have had to do. I want problems to be solved in a mature, civil way, with either a dm or a reply, not an entire vague thing that only says "bad things are happening" and doesnt elaborate on anything or barely elaboratesa and only gives people on both the inside and outside a bad sign of what the community is. Making posts whenever something happens being like "here we go again" is only going to highlight the wrong things, and actually DOESNT help the issue at all! The problems should be discussed directly with the people who are doing said problems FIRST! Bring attention to behaviors and things that arent good DIRECTLY! And also, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO!!! It is not your duty as a viewer or fan of me to be involved in any of this if you do not want to! Just enjoy the content and make silly posts! As someone who constantly tried to fix and get into every problem as it was happening, it took a huge toll on my mental health, and I want you guys to just be able to enjoy the content without having to worry about what you say about it! Be constructive! Dont make posts again just being like "wow this community is so bad" because that doesnt solve literally anything! If you have enough passion to make the posts saying "wow this community is bad" then only post about that, you are only spreading that negative message, and not uplifting anything of actual value! And if the person you are trying to help is not willing or not listening, BLOCK! MUTE! DONT BRING MORE ATTENTION TO THE PERSON IF THEY ARE NOT BEING A GOOD PART OF THE COMMUNITY!!!! I know I say that if I see problems I will call them out, but I shouldnt have to babysit every single time a thing happens within the community as that just isnt a healthy way for a creator or a community to be handled. This does not mean that I do not care about the issues or dont want them fixed, rather it shouldnt take me having to make some grand statement every single time something happens it should take only your own self reflection and self awareness. And to add onto this, make sure that every once in a while no matter who you are you think and have that self reflection, you should be open to being willing to learn and grow as a person! And again, I do NOT want anyone taking this as "Wow this community is terrible" but rather that we just have things that need to be fixed and changed and THAT IS OKAY! I do not hate the community, I care so much about it that I want it to be a silly place for my content again! I want it to be the reason why people get into what I do because of it again! And I want to be able to just have fun and relax without having to worry about how every single thing that I may say could have someone stirring things up that simply dont help or solve anything! Take care of yourselves. And this isnt coming from a place of "I hate the community as a whole" but rather again I want to be able to exist and make content that we can all enjoy without having to worry about walking on eggshells around me or around eachother! At the end of the day im just a fella that wants to make silly videos for you all, and you are people who enjoy said videos. Nothing more. Nothing less.

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aceyanaheim · 2 years

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I don’t really like how they did Gordon’s character in tmdgc but I also wouldn’t say his character went back to D1 Gordon tbh

Like D1!Gordon was a winning-obsessed asshole who said “kids are barely human” and very much hated coaching out of disdain and his ( somewhat valid) bad memory associations with Hockey.

That’s not who tmdgc!Gordon is. He never says anything like “kid aren’t human” ( he says he doesn’t like kids and hates hockey but like that’s...it?? iirc?) The very first thing he does is tell Evan he should give his mom a break and hints to Alex to steal from the Hawk!Ducks ala ( im not helping you but I am) by episode 2 he’s helping Nick with his crush on the cocoa girl. By episode one he’s cheering for Alex to skate ( because she talked about liking it and maybe he remembers what enjoying a hobbie was like) He’s not obssesed with winning or with his past or showing people up ( “always go for the W” “I haven’t lost a single case!” ) with anything he just mostly wants to sleep and be left alone.

This just isn’t who D1 Gordon ( pre Charlieand Hans putting him in his place) ( or even D2! Gordon) is.

He’s changed from D3!Gordon yes ( because losing your job the closest thing you have as family and having the one thing that let your reclaim joy for the thing you love taken from you ...does that.) but he’s Also different from D1! and D2!Gordon. The changes that happened in those two movies I might even say are stil there it’s just there are now Also changes from what happened between D3 and Game Changers.

#gordon bombay #the mighty ducks game changers #tmdgc #i know hes gone so this probably doesnt matter but this has beenin my head since s1 tbh #there is!Character development arguably through the series but aside from that #TMDGC!Gordon is just Tired of trying and failing #he doesnt want to win at all costs or try something new ( like d1 and d2) he just wants to sleep all day and try not to go broke #i do think its cheap writing to like make him the dissilusioned one Again ( which i feel is why the comparison gets made so much)#like i do love him but the narrative saying 'sike he doesnt get to be happy' was....mean and it hurt and felt like it could have been-#-avoided but also he's not! Regressed to factory settings?#he Has changed from d1to d2 ( i dont count d3 bc he was barely there and all he did was accept a job and win his kids scholarships #and then defend his kids scholarships so like...)#and those changes are still there! Its just that he has also reacted to the Other changes between D3 adn GC #like his character is very much D3 Gordon + All That Everyhting /the blank period #...anyways lets see how long this stays up bc i hate posting opinions lmao #but of course it would be about him that i break that rule for #acey speaks!#he doesnt really change from the end of d2 to d3 bches finally at the end of his development ( or we thought)

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i-cant-sing · 11 months

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PLS PLS WRITE THE PLATONIC YANDERE MIGUEL OHARA FIC IM BEGGINF 🙏🙏🙏🧎‍♂️🧎‍♂️🧎‍♂️🧎‍♂️🧎‍♂️WE NEED MORE PLATONIC FICS OF THIS MAN

(Thank you for reading this and have a great day!!)

I definitely see dad Miguel treating reader like a child, no matter what age you are. You could be a strong, independent woman, and to Miguel... you're a baby🥺 Everytime you get frustrated when he tells you no, or doesn't allow you to do what you want, he thinks you look absolutely adorable, your brows furrowed and your nostrils flared, and Miguel just has to just lean down to your level and you think that he's gonna offer you an explanation and in his mind, he does, but all he really says is-

"I know what's best for you, mija."

And if you dare to say "you're not my dad!", he won't say anything because yeah, you're right, but he will stare at you intimidatingly until you either take your words back or change the topic.

I think Miguel is not someone who talks much (but he still expects you to converse with him regularly) and so when he doesn't wanna argue with you, he may or may not shoot a web to seal your lips shut, just so that you give him enough time to explain (which again he doesnt), but he does use this time to tell you that you're grounded and then again, uses his strength against you to pick you up like a little bratty kitten and drop you back to your room.

I also think that Miguel definitely sees you as this helpless creature that would absolutely DIE without him. It doesn't matter if you're a spider-person like him, no. To him, you're just a frail kitten that needs papa Miguel's help to shelter her from the pouring rain and bubble wrap you and cuddle you and just- protect you from this all too harsh world.

And you could be trying to break free from his grasp, going of about how he didnt need you to pull you from your universe, how you had your life under control and what not, and Miguel would just sigh and shake his head and mutter "Teenagers🙄" EVEN IF YOU'RE AN ADULT.

Miguel isnt someone who talks about his feelings, definitely not at first, he just bottles everything up until the lid pops off and someone else has to face his fury. BUT that doesn't he doesn't expect you to talk about yours. He's super observant so the moment he notices the slightest change in your mood, or the way you breathe, oh he's bugging you to tell him whats wrong. I mean he's breathing down your neck, which as you already know isnt great because he is the only person you're allowed to talk to (minus Peter B Parker and Mayday), and eventually, he may even tie you upside down with his web to make you talk. And he's just nodding and offering up solutions/therapeutic advices (not really, they're just compromises) while you're getting blood rush from hanging off the ceiling for so long.

Also going back to the "you're not my dad!" thing, I think if you say it enough times, it does start to hurt him and eventually he reaches a breaking point where he does end up getting mad and bares his teeth at you as he yells "I AM, NOW! AND IF YOU DON'T START LISTENING TO ME MIJA, YOU WILL REGRET IT! NOW, MARCH OFF TO YOUR ROOM!" And sure, you get spooked enough to run off, but not before you yell like a very cliche, angsty teen "I hate you!" and you slam your door close before he could scold you again. He still comes right up to your door, probably to ground you even more, but he doesnt have the heart to open the door when he hears your sobs. Damn, now you just broke his heart. So, Miguel leaves, deciding its best that you two get some space to cool off.

Now I see Miguel as the type of dad who doesnt really apologise (mostly because he doesn't feel like he's done anything wrong) but instead offers a parley or a white flag of sorts in the form of food (like some cut up fruits and veggies, or even your fav takeout) and sure, his heart is still heavy with guilt, even more so when he sees your swollen red eyes indicating how you've been crying for days, so he clears his throat, maybe shifts in his seat a little and asks about your day or something random, heartbreak intensifying 100X when you refuse to talk to him, making him resort to something thats... uncomfortable for you both.

A hug.

I mean this has to be the most awkward hug in history, because Miguel just swoops you up and places you in his lap, pulling you to his chest and telling you that he's not letting go until you talk. STILL NOT APOLOGISING, I mean there is a greater likelihood that you may end up apologising to him but Miguel sure as hell isnt saying the word "sorry" (unless you're dead, specifically if u die in his arms hehe).

#yandere miguel x reader #yandere spiderverse #yandere miguel o'hara #yandere atsv #yandere x reader #platonic miguel #miguel x reader #miguel spiderverse #miguel x you #spiderman 2099 #spiderman atsv #platonic yanderes #platonic

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