#but I at least have the general concept

[cherry-the-hok]

Finally fucking figured out Cherry's backstory lol

#I have had her as a concept for literal YEARS #god #I don't even know how long I've been making nameless pink-haired elves for #but she has been a named OC for at least three or four years now #and I still haven't fully figured out her backstory #insanity #in my defense I got distracted with Kinara #I should just #remember how long it takes me to make an OC the next time I have an idea #anyways #I had always known I wanted her parents to be present prior to the start of the game but not after #but I just didn't know how I wanted to do that #and I sorta have a fix now #sorta #still need to further flesh it out lols #but I at least have the general concept #it's the classic 'they were murdered' #shot dead if you will #I suck at this lol #idc it's fun

[katabay]

original thief series basso & garrett :)

ngl, it's about quality over quantity for me. an npc can have a total of three minutes of screen time, but if they have a cool name, they can live rent free in my head and I'll spend several hours trying to decipher drawable features from a blurry screenshot of pixels

there is a vague hint of a story here, and that's because every time I try to play thi4f, I get incredibly frustrated with how Not Fun the game play is. like, is the story good? well. but it has a PLAGUE. that should've given it instant 'I'll replay this once a year' status in my heart, but the game play sucks so bad that I've never finished it. I can't believe Not Fun gameplay beat out my obsession with narrative plagues.

anyway, the idea is basically if the original era had a game with a plague centric narrative and some other stuff I liked out of thi4f thrown into a narrative blender, with a heavy dash of horror thrown in because some parts of the thief games were scarier to me than entire dedicated horror genre games.

⭐ places I’m at! bsky / pixiv / pillowfort /cohost / cara.app

#if i had a laptop and the skillset i would attempt a story mod because the thief modders who create whole mission stories #are GENIUS and also somewhat terrifying. love them! xoxox #anyway im actually kind of obsessed with parts of thi4f but its also like. not at that sweet spot of almost good enough to be fun #to talk about. which. for the record. has not stopped me from talking about it at length to people #the city itself actually fucking fascinates me. its almost alive and im SO mad that not a single part of that game is actually terrifying #it should be gnarlier and instead it feels a bit like it doesn't quite want to be trapped in the story it has to tell? #but between the level that has the bodies on the meathooks #and the scene with the bodies hanging from the rafters or whatever that was and garrett living in a clock tower #because the game is very much ALMOST about changing times and authoritarian violence and capitalism #(like. by virtue of how the story sort of spins out i think it misses it's mark on a lot of stuff here #in the sense that i dont feel like it actually wants to tell that story. it wants to. go in a different direction. or at least walk on top #of those themes instead of through it) #ANYWAY between all of those things. it does kind of live in my head rent free. they did create a compelling setting #SHAME THEY DIDNT WANT TO ACTUALLY EAT ANY OF IT #unrelated but i would've given thi4f a 10/10 if they kept garrett's fucking nail polish from the concept art. cowards. unforgivable #thief the dark project #i still have no idea how to tag the game series as a whole RIP #sorry for the dedicated dark project fans. if you know what the general series tag is. please let me know #garrett thief #basso thief

[emdotcom]

My'eah, some Sonic stuff I drew, playing with a different style!

Last 3 pages feature Terios, & the last page features Violet -- both are characters co-adored by @carnation-damnation !

#emeraldart #terios #knuckles the echidna #sonic the hedgehog #tails the fox #amy rose #rouge the bat #sth #blaze the cat #silver the hedgehog #shadow the hedgehog #sonic oc #chao #Idk how well it comes across but knuckles not only has his hat from the ova but also a vest with the same pattern as tikal's skirt #the general goal was to give everyone at least a bit of clothing bc the inconsistency in whether mobians wear full clothes or nothing #with little to no inbetween makes characters look overly simple or complicated to the point of straying stylistically too far #I didn't commit too hard here. Just gave people 1-2 accessories. #sonic has a neckerchief & pilot goggles bc I liked how it looked for boom & to reference that he ya know. had/has a plane. #I imagine he prolly wears them when he runs mostly bc he doesn't fly so often & it keeps the wind out of his eyes #I only gave tails a tool belt. felt that it leaves him a bit bare but looks overall okay. #I changed rouge to having this suit then realized i was literally just yoinking blaze's drip & felt bad :( #Silver has a gamer hoodie. I started doodling blaze with this cape she is sometimes mentioned as wearing but not shown in except concept ar #oh yeah there's also a tiny biolizard & i drew chao with paws. for fun #em.txt

[b4kuch1n]

ough brain is doing SO bad but sometimes. there are colors

#bakuspeech #WIP #cw: gore #the stuffed animal cartoon kind. but still #ask to tag #Im so fucking sorry I keep going like I will draw! (does not draw for three weeks #I. ngl Somethin is goin on up there. I finished writing a Thing and it doesnt solve that #I just. this is my capacitance really I think. I just gotta. accept it. work with it #its always so funny tho bc like I look at whatever it is Im drawing rn and its like hey this looks like shit! this looks ass #and then I keep drawing it. #like this piece is at Least two weeks into something thats supposed to be a pretty quick revised illus for #an old wizard leon design. and like if I werent Bit Off it wouldve stayed that way #instead. this is how its goin #I have not slept for 23 hours. I should uh. fix that #but yeah its just. my brain is wrappin itself around some new ideas n concepts n shit rn #like. I was really afraid I wouldnt be able to paint digitally if Im not on the screen tablet #and its kinda fuckin with me? like obviously I can. I am literally doing the exact same things Im doing on the screen tablet #but now on a graphic tablet #thats just. not getting thru to my brain yet. for some reason. its still generating goo n such #well! what is a guy to do. if not blastin off regardless #sorry. I really should sleep now #have a good night lads! this piece will be done when its done. I am NOT saying more I am not jinxing SHIT #u should change ur pillowcases! it really does send u to another realm

[starflungwaddledee]

been working on answering a prompt i received in an ask the other day, and so i'm back thinking about... the Thing... 💖🎀 and thought maybe prompt doodles might help me work through this a little?

so uhhh.... if by any wild chance anyone has any ship suggestions for starstruck...??? feel free to send them through!

#this is *only* for starstruck and is not general requests! i'm just trying to figure out how i feel about this 😳 #obviously no guarantees that i will be confident enough to draw any of these or that i'll enjoy them all but i just... am considering it? #idk idk idk is this stupid.... #hope i won't regret this or won't get genuinely weirdass things. #just to be transparent this is sfw exclusively tho implied flirting is a-okay. please don't be weird....? i'm trusting folks to be nice!! #i would also happily take little prompts if you have thoughts about how it would work or whichever! like if you're a character Understander #if you have an idea how it would Work or what it might Be Like that would also help me to get a concept on how i feel about it!! #also i would.. consider ocs (only from their creator) if you... wanna??? character+artist *must* be an adult. starstruck is in her early 30 #also with ocs preferably from folks who i've at least interacted with before and like.. not just bc u want art ;;; #like... do u geniunely think they could have a cute dynamic? i'm just wondering if she could be Cute w someone. AUUghhGHHHH #again no promises and also for now i need this all done on the assumption it's just for fun!! just funsies. i'm just... thinking i guess! #want to try and figure out what it might be like if she WAS involved in a little ship/romo space...? as a treat? auughghhggghGHGLLG #also fair warning i may just get super embarrassed/nervous about this all and delete!! but i'm.. yknow. trying! #also i figure you can kind of tell my faves and who i hardly know much about. might not have lots of feelings about most side chars! #delete later #probably #wheeeeeEEEEeeahahahah okay;;; just post it. just post it starflung. just do it. hit the button hit the button hit the b

[butchladymaria]

Immortality, Motherhood, and Pain: A Closer Look at Annalise and the Doll

Finally revisiting this from ages ago, because the parallels between these two are just SO fascinating. Content warnings for discussions of misogyny, genocide, abuse, and pregnancy/childbirth.

This analysis will cover the parallels between Miss Doll and Queen Annalise through the lenses of the misery of immortality, the trauma of marginalization, and the liberation they find in motherhood. Both the Doll and Annalise are undying, both coded as mother figures, both marked by death, and both very, very alone.

Miss doll and Annalise are the only characters in the whole game who are undying. You can kill them, but not meaningfully - not in any way that matters - and they seem to know it. Neither will try to stop you, nor will they fight back, should you choose to attack them. They will come back, and your violent betrayal will have seemingly meant nothing to them. They both are very aware they will outlast whatever violence you may inflict upon them. It's evidenced in their dialogue:

If you attack, Annalise says:

“Enough. If only Our life was so easily forfeit… Grieve not, for Us.” “How sad this is. If only Our life was so easily forfeit…”

If you attack Miss Doll, she used to say:

“I must have displeased you. Go on, shut me down… Even so, this vessel will remain in your service… So have no fear."

I think this point of comparison highlights just how deeply they've both been desensitized to violence and abuse. They do not beg for mercy, they do not put up a struggle - they only remark on it with distant chagrin. They both seem keenly aware that their flesh need not be in one piece to fulfill its purpose.

But where Miss Doll was made to embody the Victorian patriarchal ideal of womanhood, Annalise wields womanhood as her last weapon against the dehumanization of the church’s genocide through her queendom. Upon being resurrected the next time you return to the dream, Miss Doll will act as though nothing had happened at all. However, if you bring her flesh to the Altar of Despair, Annalise will call you an arrant fool, and remind you that “Vileblood or no, forget not; We are thy Queen”. Miss Doll kneels to serve the hunter, while the hunter must kneel to serve Annalise. Miss Doll has been conditioned to passively accept dehumanization and submission, yet Annalise demands respect through your submission even in her dehumanized state. Miss Doll is subjugated by the trappings of womanhood, while Annalise is lifted from subjugation by her womanhood, in some ways.

I find this fascinating, however, because while Miss Doll appears in every way as a pure, demure Victorian woman was meant to, they are also dehumanized through the denial of gender. To Gerhman, their creator, they are nothing more than another tool of the workshop. An object. Even the Doll themself uses neutral "I" pronouns to refer to themself in the original translation. I think it is pertinent to note that the only canonical reference to Miss Doll as a "woman" comes from Eileen. In the original Japanese text, she refers to the Doll with a term of endearment reserved for young girls. Miss Doll's appearance is the historical ideal of the subjugated woman - yet when Eileen confers upon her the status of "woman", she does so in an endearing and humanizing way. Therefore, for both Miss Doll and Queen Annalise, the status of womanhood is a rebuttal of their own dehumanizing subjugation: Annalise as "queen", and Miss Doll as "daughter".

Both characters are arguably seeking/find liberation through motherhood. Miss Doll gets "Childhood's Beginning": their creator and animator have both been put down, the hunt is finally over and they are no longer bound to serve its participants, nor must they watch their beheadings. They cradle the newly ascended hunter. It is a highly atypical “motherhood”. It exists in the performance of the role rather than the biology of childbirth. In the same way, the Doll possesses a highly atypical “womanhood” which exists in performance alone, rather than in biology or even identity — but nonetheless, it is real, and it is hers. I, perhaps too optimistically, choose read it as humanizing for them; because unlike their “womanhood”, Miss Doll is allowed to choose this for themself rather than having it imposed upon them.

In the same vein, Annalise seeks to birth a child of blood for a similar but perhaps more somber reason. She wants a child because she wants an heir — which is to say, because it is the only way she may once again have kin. Because it is the only way she may fulfill her duty as Queen. She witnessed everyone she ever knew or loved — surely her own family included — slaughtered before her eyes. Annalise seems to seek motherhood in order to be a homemaker - in the most literal sense possible. She wants to rebuild the community, the home, which was so brutally torn away from her. She wishes to restore honor to Cainhurst. For Annalise, having a child is an open act of rebellion against the genocidal eugenics-frenzied bloodthirst of the Church. I can't help but wonder if part of the reason Alfred is so hellbet on destroying her, why the Executioners imprisoned her the way they did, was to strip her of bodily autonomy so she couldn’t “reproduce”. Her desire for a child is her way of seeking liberation for her and her people.

In this sense, taking up the role of a mother, of "women's work", is what confers the agency upon both Annalise and Miss Doll which had been otherwise stripped from them. Annalise's by the genocidal eugenics of the Church, and Miss Doll by the pact of servitude she was seemingly born into.

#percy theoryposts :) #i'm aware this is a generous interpretation #miss doll #bloodborne is very much about womanhood and the trauma it brings but i think its a stretch to say that message is executed perfectly #the few fem-presenting characters who get hopeful endings do so by escaping/trying to escape a cycle of violence #but it also involves taking on very traditionally feminine roles which have historically been subjugating in and of themselves #so you kind of have to take from that what you will #but at least the pattern seems to be that those roles are liberating and powerful when they are CHOSEN rather than forced #ie: arianna is FORCED to become a mother #and this is not remotely empowering to her #i think it comes down to the concept of socialization though: the doll CHOOSES to become a “mother” in the symbolism of the game #but they also have been conditioned their whole life to know nothing but serving others #so its....................... iffy #i also dont know if i'm certain this was Intentional on the part of fromsoft. bc especially in elden ring they dropped the ball slightly im #but its MY interpretation god damn it #plain doll #bloodborne #queen annalise #annalise queen of the vilebloods

[jungwookjins]

HAPPY 4 YEARS WITH ONLYONEOF!! title track music videos + most replayed moments

[id: 7 gifs of kpop group onlyoneof's music videos for savanna, sage, angel, a song of ice & ice, libido, skinz, and seoul drift. 1. love holding a boxing glove up to the camera before it cuts to the group performing choreography 2. the group performing choreography and then a shot of junji freestyling solo choreography 3. shots of mill rapping at the camera with background dancers behind him 4. the members performing choreography, the focus on junji 5. love and nine performing choreography as love pulls a tape measure away from nine's neck as nine kneels and grabs loves crotch, hand trailing down his thigh 6. a shot of junji and rie and then of kb and yoojung in the practice room 7. shots of yoojung approaching kb's car as he leans into the window and kb smiles faintly. the colored caption reads: happy 4 years with onlyoneof!! /end id]

#a kinda low effort anniversary set but ive been Very busy plus ive always wanted to do a set w this concept #the most replayed moments on yt #anways #HAPPY 4 YEARS ONLYONEOF <333333 #my most most most beloved boys <33 i hope they have such a good concert tn and the best anniversary day in general <33 #onlyoneof #ooo #ennuigif #lyonet #malegroupsnet #kflops #kpopco #forvy #rosieblr #useroro #heetual #also these are not cohesive at all lmaooo but individually i think the gifs turned out better than i was expecting so theres at least that👍

[cacaitos]

somehow in the story of shonen idk what yaoi fuel people see on csm of all shonens. i have to join the bros on this one, bc the options in csm are not only kinda random but also cardboard bland.

#txt #generally i dont feel much for the concept of any csm ship. as in nothing nothing. #lit i think the more engaging ones are the filial ones or even from the weirdos. like you dont have to like them as relationship (general) #but like you can have substancial thoughts on it at least.

[caracello]

they're still getting the hang of the whole 'kissing' thing...

[ok2rb, they/it for s/i! ( ━|<)⌒☆ !]

#plague doctors #selfship art #selfshipping #oc x canon #r: 🩻 #THE JOYFUL GIGGLER. +/)!!! #nevermore #it'skind of funny to me i um. #like. the lore i have in my head for them is fairly heavy or AT LEAST not like.. slice of life. #bc i'm trying to keep in mind his whole um... everything. his whole lore. #and nevermore is also a fairly angsty character concept in general in terms of my s/is at least. #but i jsut fucking I want to draw them donking their heads together. And being silly. And cute. ADN GODDAMNIT I WILL!!! #art.exe #finished

[aro-culture-is]

Aro culture is wondering if you’re actually aromantic or if it’s just your seveeere intimacy issues.. I literally get awkward over a hug, how could I possibly let someone close to me?

.

#Anonymous #aro culture is #aro #aromantic #actually aro #actually aromantic #ask #mod alexander #idk if it helps but my two cents: #there's a major difference between choosing to not date because you don't want to let people close to you #and not experiencing the attraction to specific individuals #like it's a whole ass major trope in pop culture about people who don't feel 'worthy' or who have general intimacy issues #still *having* attraction but not letting themselves act on it #the question i'd encourage asking is... is there anyone you've ever specifically *wanted* to date in some fantasy form #but decided you couldn't / rejected the thought because you assume that you or that person would be unhappy in a romo relationship? #like ppl who choose not to date are welcome imo to participate in the aro community if they so choose but i think it can help #in this instance at least - to recall that the community started around the concept of not experiencing *attraction*

[astraltrickster]

Also I've made one of my older posts about AI stuff unrebloggable because it was starting to go around and while my final verdict opinion hasn't really changed - I still strongly consider it a really exciting tool that can be used for both good and evil and despise its use as a corporate cost-cutting gimmick or a new way for trolls and grifters to be giant cockholes but love seeing what people do with it for its OWN value as a tool and how making art out of ANYTHING is such a human thing to do-

digging even a few inches deeper has caused my reasons for arriving at that same conclusion to change a lot lmao

It's kind of my current ultimate example of

[Source]

#personal #ai tag #and also i complain about how its flaws are making.people way too sympathetic to reactionary arguments #this doesnt mean i fail to recognize or hate the way it's used for evil #but hair-splitting about Real Art and Real Labor has NEVER led anywhere good this time will NOT be an exception #and ''we have to shove this genie back in the bottle to Save Jobs'' has always been a losing argument #and beefing up copyright is the exact opposite of preventing the worst uses #but holy shit we need better online privacy protection and vfx unions #we need that shit 40 years ago #and we need automation taxes to go to beefed up unemployment -> ubi #and i hate how theres a kind of godwins law corollary with 1984 because the filters on so many readily available generators are #TERRIFYING #its bad enough when tiktok tries to block you from talking about queerness and mental health and basic facts of life #at least they cant block you from saying it to a friend next to you #but when companies falsely think they can monopolize the entire concept of making images #and decide that various disabilities are ''too violent'' to show.......... #yeeeeeah yikes

[doctorwhoisadhd]

hmm thinking about the idea of love songs. i think the idea of what a love song is that we have in our culture is inherently a little bit flawed because we have the idea that any song written about romantic feelings is a love song and im thinking thats not exactly true because there is a difference between "romance" and "love". what i'm saying is not that love is a broader category and applies to things that are not romantic in nature. this is in fact true, but it's not what makes the important distinction here. the true distinction between "romance" and "love" is that romance is a societally defined type of interest in another person, whereas love is, essentially, a promise that you make when you build a relationship.

as such, what i call "love" here might be better defined as "care", as that implies more time and effort, but that's a different suitcase to unpack and largely unimportant to my point here, which is more about the societal conventions of what we call love songs. the point is, relationships can be built with other people, yes, but also animals, places, organizations, ideas, so on and so on, whereas romance requires another person, hence the difference between the ideas of "romance" and "love".

with that in mind, there are two types of songs we in western, english speaking, society call "love songs":

1) songs that are about a person's romantic interest in someone that is either definitively known to be unrequited (existing monogamous relationship, sexuality that doesn't align, etc) or simply not requited (aka romantic interest being unknown); and

2) songs about an existing relationship (keeping in mind my points about relationships not just being with people, but also places, things, etcetera) as is.

(some examples of the latter category: mountaintop by relient k, which defines the relationship in question as non-romantic; or i miss my mum by cavetown, which is - as the title implies - a song about the singer missing their mother.)

now, the thing that makes distinguishing these two difficult is the fact that songs about an existing relationship CAN be about wanting certain aspects of that relationship to change. in these cases, determining that a song is one or the other will hinge either on a) authorial intent or b) whether the song is more about what the singer wants (thereby implying #1) or the lack thereof in that relationship (which would imply #2).

to get back to the subject at hand: the term "love song", as we think of it, is an umbrella term that include both of these two categories, and i think that perhaps it is reductive to do so. with that in mind, i think perhaps it would be more appropriate for "love song" to mean only the latter, whereas the former is a category of its own. WHICH is not to say that the two can't overlap — just that if a song is about a person with whom the singer has no relationship, it cannot be considered a love song due to the fact that it is a song about infatuation, not love.

(another interesting wrinkle this provides is the fact that a song might start out in the first category and, as the writer develops a relationship with a person, might move into the second category as they write more.)

#anyway. just some of my thoughts on this as an aromantic songwriter #ari opinion hour #this goes a good deal to reconcile my constant writing of love songs with the fact that none of them are romantic #which im fine with as long as im keeping them to myself but it DOES feel dishonest when i hide that theyre love songs. #however this did also go some way to convince me that maybe care songs is an alternative that i SHOULD use because it is more applicable to #me than the concept of love which MOST people do not have the same perspective on as i do and having different definitions of the same word #is an important barrier to consider in communication #i will admit i do think im clinging to my care songs being love songs due to my relationship with an organization to which love is very #important as i dont want to go back on my promises to that organization as it IS very important to me #anyway. can you tell ive been reading house of leaves by the fact that this appeared fully fledged in my head in fully academic language #but for real like thinking about it now and even my old love songs like most would probably think to see them that they would go in the #first category and they just. DO NOT. at least not the ones that were written after i was like Yeah im aro again #its interesting the ones i wrote in the brief period where i thought i WASNT aro in like mid hs those i WOULD put in the first category #even though like i do NOT think i was right about it being romantic #but the ones after i was like Yea im aro again are like. Thats definitely the latter #part of it is i did find a voice that was like genuinely Mine and wasnt just writing sort of generic love songs #love songs in the typical usage i mean so they were really more infatuation songs #but like i was still with the last person irl who i wrote these about divorced from like... my aroness because of how much i liked him #and i would still put those in the second category #so part of it is awareness as well #so. yeah. its interesting #i probably should just suck it up and start calling them care songs. even if people dont know what i mean to say that

[sunnibits]

you are so fucking right about babies. baby naps are hardcore the most cutest naps ever. i love babies i feel like that’s an unpopular around here but they’re just so cute. anyway real footage of me anytime i see a baby

REALLLL ME TOOOO!!! I’m always just like. holy shit a baby. holy shit ur so small. dude I hate to alarm you but um. did u know ur so small. like. are you aware that you are in fact just a little guy. itty bitty even. and the baby’s just like: 👁👄👁

anyways this is a real image of me at work every Saturday

#mr wiggles my absolute fucking beloved. the cutest fucking little guy ever #fr tho I don’t get why so many ppl on tumblr are so fucking mean to kids like 😭😭 #I get that society has made you absolutely exhausted of the way we’re all expected to have kids and treat them like miracles but also. #babies are actually cute and special unfortunately. like they actually are sick as hell if u give them a chance. #I know not everyone wants a baby but I feel like the mere concept of the way children perceive the world fits in very well with the tumblr - #- populations general philosophy of romanticism and enjoying little experiences in life #idk. maybe I think about things too much. but that’s just my thought #ask box #anyways I would kill fifty armed men in cold blood for even my least favorite kids at work and that is a promise #they may drive me crazy but I would take a bullet for them without hesitation #doodles

[loveletterworm]

Cool game where you pick up flashlights off the ground in the dark until you're holding too many flashlights at which point trying to pick up more will make an unfitting cartoon boing sound effect that I had laying around in my downloads folder

#With this process now mostly defeated I must begin to consider my next enemy: #Making an entire roguelike level generation system for some reason despite being stupid. #I don't know why I thought that would be a good idea. I kind of assumed someone else would have written down how this is done. #But it's weirdly difficult to find. #mypost #i think i might make the player sprite randomized as well or maybe just change it #(other than just making it not be a placeholder drawn in 2 seconds.) #because i don't think the little cat thing is very fitting. #i thought making the player a little pudding animal in scary world would be funny and distract from the vaguely derivative concept* #(* it may be diverging into being less derivative) #but i feel like it just kind of looks weird now. it could at least be a different animal... #This just isn't cat behavior. #(you can barely see the sprite because it's dark though so maybe you have no idea what im talking about LOL)

[obeymeow]

nightbringer lesson 14 FUCKED ME UP in several ways but primarily I've spent the last 48 hours making myself sad over the solomon backstory we got. specifically I have, for no reason, latched onto that one chapter in the Kids event where baby solomon cried because he felt so guilty over being responsible for that spell. and that just feels a touch more depressing in context

#nightbringer spoilers #obey me on side #went back and unlocked the event again because i could not get this out of my brain i know it's probably not that deep #but it is that deep TO ME. okay #baby solomon has been on my brain since thirteen told that story so that's probably why it's sticking in my brain so hard but whatever #in case anyone was wondering the other things to make me sad are: #he has such a deeply excessive amount of lights in his room in purgatory hall there are SEVERAL chandeliers and lamps #there's a good handful in his room in cocytus hall too (his horror dg showed it) if a more normal amount #but that with the 'dim and gloomy' detail. ☹️ #i've also always thought that solomon's loneliness wasn't all about the immortal angst but like. #having it confirmed that he's had reason to be lonely since he was a child- before he was old enough to know he was using magic- #totally crushed me girl why can't I be wrong #had emotions about lesson 14 in general but solomon backstory steals the show every time for me so i haven't gotten around to the rest #i'm enjoying the nightbringer story so much (not talking about the game design. that's a different thing entirely) but man #the pacing is WILD it feels like every lesson could be a whole lesson block at the least. it's giving me a lot of room to speculate #which I always love! but i do wish they would slow down a little and expand on some of these concepts they're bringing up #because the basic idea of the game alone is REALLY INTRIGUING and it'd be a shame if they raced back to the present imo #what was i even talking about. sorry my brain fast forwards as soon as i get into the tags there is not one sequitur to be seen #so curious about solomon's friend now too. like my guess is it's going to be lilith (and hopefully not in a popular fan theory kind of way) #because it's more than a little suspicious that they expanded on lilith's views on humans the way they did #in a way that SO PERFECTLY lines up with the expansion on solomon's views on humans #WHICH I HAVEN'T TALKED ABOUT YET BY THE WAY BUT LIKE. HE IS SO RIGHT AND REAL FOR THAT #it's beyond stressful to me that I think solomon is completely justified in his views and being completely reasonable about it #but that it would also mean war between the worlds presumably while the brothers are still recovering from THEIRS #you cannot give me that choice man. not even sure that the human world would be ABLE to win that fight if we're being real #solomon's 72 pacts are a lot yes but he's still only one guy who is NOT on good terms with the sorcerer's society #and mc is powerful but so so inexperienced. and that's IF they choose to side with the human world which #really i don't think the canon mc is likely to do. but anyway i guess solomon's friend could also be adam maybe? #that could be wishful thinking because i like adam though. even if his hair SUUUCKS #deeply offended by everyone thinking solomon got the fucked up hair when all signs point to adam be NICE TO HIM he's ugly already

[onthejadedjournal]

this is very personal to me so im not really sure how to go about this ...

so i definitely identify myself as a c.isgender, het.erosexual woman. i like men. final. i have liked boys in the past and I don't have any bad experiences with past crushes because i never actually had balls to date before lol but it's been years since i actually liked someone so deeply (and then i got ate-zoned but that's okay lol)

but in irl circumstances recently - my best friend and mother kind of brought this up? trying to suggest the idea that i would have a boyfriend or something like that

for my friend, it's like "ooh, you like him don't you? imagine holding his hand, (x, y and z)

and for my mother, it's like "when you get a boyfriend, (x y and z)." (she's been at this for ages because im getting older and she sees this as the phase where i will get a boyfriend)

and how i respond to these?

i always respond so bitterly. I don't know why - I don't physically show it, but in my head it's like - ew, no lol

which is so strange - why did i respond like that? i thought i was interested in being a relationship in the near future? ... am i ACTUALLY not looking for romantic connection?

which, countless of times - made me almost conclude that i, might be on the ar.oace-spectrum ...?

but I don't say it yet, because i somewhat believe in the saying that you can't give your fullest opinion on something without experiencing it - in other words i feel that i cant say im ar.oace without experiencing what was it like to be engaged in a relationship. i genuinely do want to know and feel what its like being in a relationship - and well, i am craving for the affection in all seriousness - laugh all you want, i do want to feel that special feeling of love.

which is led me to guess i could be cu.pio? but i do experience attraction. its just very dormant unfortunately lol

due to the recent talks i had with my best friend and mother - i cant help but feel maybe a little repulsed to feel romantic in my s.elfshipping sphere. maybe i am kind of combatting against what my friend and mother assumes of me by going to my familials from time to time. no i am not romantically interested in someone right now and i can prove to you im not looking for romance irl right now

i remember there was one exchange my best friend had with me, he knows that i'm very loving of steven and red (but more on steven, because he calls out on it jokingly) but i remember that one time he said "it won't be steven for longer" in a joking manner. perhaps im a little affected by that? steven has helped me feel mentally okay in countless of times so it feels like youre tearing away this from me and i felt like i can depend on him more than i can with an actual person so i was a little sour that day. friend doesnt know how much steven made me okay

i remember when my mother criticized me of being so unfeminine and saying how this would severely affect how my potential boyfriend would look at me. i kept screaming in my mind "i'm ar.oace" but am i actually? i domt think so - but in the spur of the moment i so wanted to say that just to make her stop assuming im keen to look for a partner

it's weird. truly weird. i want to prove to them that i can stand on my own without an actual romantic connection but at the same time, i do? want someone? i just don't like it when they think i am desperate to look for someone because it gets so annoying

#i am thankful to have friends who identify closely to this spectrum because their personal thoughts and experiences on it has been really #insightful for me and made me at least understand the general concept of it and not to just assume the term at the tip of the iceberg #truly a complex set of feelings and standards that differ from person to person if i do say so myself