#bloody love a themed playlist actually

[freeuselandonorris]

just fully lost my mind and spend an hour making a nortrell playlist and it's bleak

dorian electra - touch grass they told me, “touch grass outside” told ‘em, “ratio, go cry”

lcd soundsystem - i used to you led me far away and let me go

sneaker pimps - sick i’ll play your games, learn to get on with your backward fans stick my body in the sun and help to get rid of the white tan and maybe then you wouldn’t get so sick of me

charli xcx - hot girl (bodies bodies bodies) i travel ‘round the globe paris fashion week and i’m in the front row but i’m going skiing even when the slopes are closed cos i’m so hot with snow up my nose

drake ft. SZA& sexxy red - rich baby daddy real bitch held me down ‘fore i had a name

soulwax - do you want to get into trouble? is it always on time? is it always on? is it not what you want? does it make you come? do you want it tonight? do you want it all? does it make you feel sad? does it turn you on?

RÜFÜS DU SOL - on my knees (adriatique remix) looks like there’s rain up ahead like there’s a crack in the heavens feels like my day could be turning like i can tell that my luck’s gonna change

drake - sticky when everything is put to rest and everybody takes a breath and everything gets addressed it’s you alone with your regrets all that pumpin’ up your chest all that talk about the best you know how sticky it gets

charli xcx - good ones don’t want the kisses unless they’re bitter i’m hooked on touches that leave me weaker i swear that i love nothing more than broke i always let the good ones go

lynks - NEW BOYFRIEND we said we were gonna be friends sing it with me: friends don’t give each other head!

st vincent - los ageless how can anybody have you and lose you and not lose their mind too?

run the jewels - job well done so i think we’ve burned our bridges, but it’s difficult to tell i’ve been walking through the ashes, saying “didn’t we do well?”

self esteem - how can i help you? how can i help you feel better about you? how can i help you do what it is that you always hoped you could set out to prove?

radiohead - ful stop why should i be good if you’re not? / the truth will mess you up

not linking to my spotify here bc it's linked to my name/photo but msg me if you want it ig?

#bloody love a themed playlist actually #i think putting two drake songs on there was a suitably appalling choice #nortrell #ln4 #mf7

[mysticstarlightduck]

Late Writeblr Intro!

Hello, friends!

I figured it was about time I made an actual blog intro of my own since I forgot to make one when I started this blog last year. Better late than never, lmao!

Pls, reblog, like, and/or reply to help boost the blog! 💕

Let's get started:

Personal Stuff! 💜🩶🖤

My name is Anna/Anya but you can call me Mystic, Ducky, or just Anya on this blog! My personal nickname is Ani and I adore it (:

I am an Asexual woman (my pronouns are she/her!) and I'm also personally an atheist who puts my faith in the spirits of Mother Nature, though I respect all other religions equally!

I'm Gen Z and Latina (Brazilian). I was raised bilingual (Brazilian Portuguese + English) and I love learning languages - currently, I'm working on learning French and Spanish! Career-wise I am studying in college to become a character designer and hopefully animator, as I want to pursue a career as an artist and writer! I also wish to have my WIPs published in the near future (:

Some fun facts about me!

My favorite shows are Critical Role, Game of Thrones, Castlevania, The Legend of Vox Machina (animated series), Star Wars, Voltron, The Dragon Prince, Avatar the Last Airbender, Legend of Korra, and DC Comics content, as well as many more lmao. I love watching movies and series!

My favorite Vox Machina characters are Vax'ildan and Percy (:

I am a younger sister 💖

My hair is short and curly (pixie style, similar to the haircut Rapunzel has at the end of the Tangled movie!)

I adore listening to music, especially songs that can inspire me to write my WIPs! Playlists are a huge part of my writing process and something I really enjoy making.

I'm currently rereading Shadow and Bone (+ Six of Crows) and I am always looking for more good dark fantasy/historical fantasy books to read so book recs are always welcome! I also am a huge fan of the Percy Jackson series and Trials of Apollo (by Rick Riordan), though I'm usually more of a gritty/dark fantasy fan (like Game of Thrones)!

I have three dogs and two cats!😺🐶

I know how to play the piano, though I haven't done that in a while because things have been chaotic for me, but I'd like to start playing regularly again in my winter vacation.

I have worn glasses since I was 5 years old and have terrible eyesight without them (and some days with them, lol, so bear with me).

My friends and I are doing a DnD campaign every Sunday, where I play as a half-elf rogue named Aeryn (he/him). I'm adoring this adventure so far, it's so fun!!!

I love to bake and am rather good at it, but am a painfully average cook lmao (some specific recipes I make are actually rlly good, but it depends a lot on my mood and the 'alignment of the stars' lol)

I want to learn how to knit/crochet! 🧶

I'm a theater nerd and love musicals (:

About my Writing!🏹⌛

I write fictional works mostly in the genre of fantasy (high fantasy/epic fantasy/dark fantasy/historical fantasy/urban fantasy, etc. You name it!) and science fiction (space opera/cyberpunk/superhero, etc).

My works usually revolve around themes such as epic quests, secrets, adventure, rebels fighting an oppressive system, sibling bonds, acceptance/respect, outcasts, and much, much more! I love fluff and whump equally, and though my stories tend to focus on serious topics (or at least darker/heavier themes) within a fantasy/sci-fi setting, I like to have a good bit of humor, lighthearted fun, and comedy to my stories to lighten up the mood!

My main WIPs:

Song of Thorns

🌹WIP Intro: (here)🌹

Genre: dark fantasy, medieval fantasy, adventure/mystery, dark fairytale, eldritch horror (mild)

Style: Standalone (possible Trilogy)

Tags: #wip song of thorns #song of thorns

Short Summary/About: "A peasant girl moves with her siblings from her struggling seaside village to the kingdom's glittering floating capital, but after her older brother is kidnapped, she ends up discovering the dark, bloody secrets hiding behind the long-lasting royal family of the town and must team up with a young dhampir thief, the exiled prince, and a lonely druid girl to save the dying kingdom from this web of lies".

Supernova Initiative

🎇WIP Intro: (here) 🎇

Genre: space opera, adventure, exploration, laboratory whump, heist, thriller/mystery

Style: Episodic book series with an overarching plot (each chapter/group of chapters equivalent to an episode in a TV series)

Tags: #wip supernova initiative #supernova initiative

Short Summary/About: "A young intergalactic thief and his crew are captured after a heist gone wrong and forced to accept a strange deal - complete a mission for the Junction, retrieve important missing files, and get their freedom back. All the while that is happening, Jack Tithus, the protagonist, finds himself trapped as a test subject to an immoral, and elusive, man known as the Director."

Enchanted Illusions

💀 WIP Intro: (here)💀

Genre: Victorian fantasy, adventure, mystery, gothic fantasy, dark fantasy, crime-solving

Style: Possibly a trilogy

Tags: #wip enchanted illusions, #enchanted illusions

Short Summary/About: "On a magical setting inspired by Victorian times, a group of strangers and outcasts must work together to thwart a powerful secret organization and stop a murder spree that could lead to another civil war between myths and humans."

Of Starlight and Beasts

✨⚔️WIP Intro: (here)⚔️✨

Genre: medieval fantasy, epic fantasy, adventure/quest, dark fairytale, sword and sorcery, prophecies

Style: Book Series

Tags: #wip of starlight and beasts, #enchanted illusions

Short Summary/About: "A young knight in training and an amnesiac star mage embark on a quest to prevent an ancient prophecy from coming to fruition as a vengeful sorceress queen's army marches relentlessly onto their land with the intent to destroy all their kingdom has built."

The Last Wrath

🔥⚔️WIP Intro: to be made...⚔️🔥

Genre: dark fantasy, warfare, political intrigue, espionage, adventure/quest, medieval fantasy, whump

Style: Book Series (currently on hiatus)

Tags: #wip the last wrath, #the last wrath

Short Summary/About: "In a land torn by an ancient war between two sides of a continent, a mageborn girl finds herself trapped amid the bloodshed after her past comes back to haunt her and her family. Now, stopping the war may be the only chance she still has to survive."

Tales of Wilted Flowers

🥀WIP Intro: to be made...🪻

Genre: RPG-inspired fantasy, high fantasy, adventure, fairytale, epic quest, heist story, whump, light fantasy

Style: Trilogy (currently on hiatus)

Tags: #wip tales of wilted flowers #tales of wilted flowers

Short Summary/About - "A group of youths rejected and betrayed by society in many different ways come together due to unexpected circumstances and must rely on each other to prevent the kingdom's corrupt Head Sorcerer and the King from reviving an ancient evil."

Realms of Loss

🍂WIP Intro: (here)🍂

Genre: dark fantasy, warfare, medieval fantasy, high fantasy, ancient times fantasy, Viking-inspired, prophecies & curses

Style: Book Series (currently on hiatus)

Tags: #wip realms of loss #realms of loss

Short Summary/About - "In a continent destroyed by the fall of the Old Gods, and trapped in an endless toil for survival, a cocky young prince discovers his role in an ancient prophecy after his brother, the King, is murdered and assassins come for him too. Running away into the forsaken land beyond the walls of his kingdom, he'll have to learn to be a leader and save his people as a dead, murderous God awakens."

Mutant Inquiries/Open Secret Files

🤖 WIP Intro: to be made..🤖

Genre: superhero, cyberpunk, futuristic, dystopian, science fiction, urban fantasy

Style: Episodic Series, still in development

Tags: #wip mutant inquiries #wip open secret files #mutant inquiries #open secret files

Short Summary/About: "In a dystopian, high-tech future, a group of mutant teenagers become vigilantes and crime fighters to rebel against the oppressive government regime and survive their crime-ridden city."

I have a few other smaller-scale WIPs I occasionally, less frequently work on, such as Lies Untold and Jade Ruins, but those up above are the main ones that I wish to publish. I've also got a big, secret extra WIP I'm working on for fun and will share it with you guys soon!

#writers on tumblr #writers #writeblr intro #blog intro #wip intro #writeblr #writing #writerblr #my wips #character writing #writing community #writers of tumblr

[wildernessuntothemselves]

You Are My Queen Now | Part 7

Word Count: 19.7k (there I'm spoiling you still)

Genre: Smut, angst, fluff

Summary: Growing up as a child of a minor lord, you had it instilled in you since a young age that you needed to find yourself a rich and affluent husband that would not only provide a comfortable life for you, but would also help further your family’s position in the court. So it was of the utmost importance that you remain a virgin in order to land such a coveted husband.

The problem lies when the man you secretly love, Prince Beomgyu, suddenly and unabashedly propositions you.

Warnings: extremely unhealthy relationship dynamics, mentions of past noncon and justifications of it, really fucked up characters, actually kinda sweet smut scene, sub!tyun, edging, blowjob.

A/N: Check out the playlist for the fic as well as the wonderful pinterest boards my lovely ♡ anon made for the fic. They’ll really help put you in the mood. For this particular chapter, the theme songs are Neptune by Sleeping At Last for tyun and Where’s My Love by SYML for gyu

“Stop struggling!” Jaeyun hisses in your ear as if you’re being unreasonable for fighting against him.

Angrily, you bite down on his hand, making him curse and pull his hand away. “What are you doing?” You barely have enough time to shout at him before he’s covering your mouth with his hand again, this time holding your jaw shut so you can’t bite him.

“I’m taking you back to the prince.” He confirms your worst suspicions, making your heart sink. Up until this moment you had held onto the tiny, lingering hope that this must be some type of joke or misunderstanding, refusing to entertain the brutal truth that one of your only friends is betraying you like this. “It’s better if you come quietly with me. I don’t want to hurt you.”

‘More than you already are?’ You want to say but can’t. You don’t stop struggling though, Taehyun’s words ringing in your ears, ‘They will want to bring you back safely to him, and that’s an advantage to you because you can hurt them while they can’t hurt you.’ He’d told you that first time he sparred with you, and you really hope that he’s right about that because, as his words replay in your mind, so does your training, and you fumble around for your dagger as Jaeyun begins dragging you through the hall.

You dig your hand into the pocket of your dress, looking for your hidden dagger. Taehyun had made sure that all your dresses have secret pockets to hide your dagger in for situations just like this. You just hadn’t anticipated that when the time comes for you to use it, it would be on someone you thought you trusted.

Using your thumb, you unsheath the blade before pulling it out. In the struggle and the dim light, Jaeyun doesn’t notice you drawing your arm back before plunging the dagger deep into his right thigh. 

He screams and flails, dropping his arms from around you and attempting to jerk away, but you don’t let him go or you’d lose your one weapon. As he continues to try to back away, the dagger almost slips from your hand but you tighten your hold on it to the point where your nails are digging crescents into your palm before you successfully free it from his flesh and move away from him. You take a few steps then whirl around to face him, pointing the now bloody knife at the hunched over man in warning. 

“Fuck, you stabbed me!” He shrieks in disbelief, holding the bleeding wound in his thigh with both hands.

“You tried to kidnap me!” You shout back, not believing the nerve of him, but somehow what he says next is even more ridiculous.  “It’s better that you come with me. It’s the best for everyone involved.”

“You mean the best for you!” You accuse, refusing to let him manipulate you. 

“Not just me. The prince won’t rest until he has you.” 

Or maybe he can. This is exactly what you’ve been worrying about. It’s what Kai is worried about, and now it seems that Jaeyun thinks the same. 

“He will kill anyone in his way. Taehyun, Kai, everyone. You know that.”

You scowl. You can’t listen to this right now, not from a man who just committed the ultimate betrayal against you and everyone he claims to worry about. “Jaeyun, for Kai’s sake, get the fuck out of the castle and don’t come back.” 

“Listen to me–” 

“Leave before Taehyun gets his hands on you. You know he won’t be as kind as me.” You threaten him, voice laced with venom. 

His jaw clenches. “You’re making a mistake.” He says ominously before limping away and disappearing into the darkness. 

You stand there, with your dagger-wielding arm outstretched into the night until it cramps and shakes. Only then do you lower it and take a shuddering breath in, still shaken from what just happened. You expected something like this, Taehyun had warned you so many times about it, you just didn’t expect it from someone you thought was your friend. God, Kai is going to be so heartbroken. 

Oh, Kai… 

It would probably be best if you tell him first, that way he won’t have to hear it from a raging Taehyun. 

You make your way back to the room with the big door, hoping he’s still up. And he is, still playing his harp, blissfully unaware of what just happened. You almost turn around and leave, but when you imagine the rage on Taehyun’s face and how it might be the first thing Kai would see, you decide to stay. 

You clear your throat and call out weakly, “Kai…”

He turns around, a small smile on his lips and his eyebrow quirked up in question, “Hey, why are you still–” The rest of his question dies on his tongue when he sees how shaken up you are and the bloody dagger in your hand. Immediately, he stands up and rushes towards you, knocking the harp to the ground in his haste. “What happened?” 

“Jaeyun…” You say and he freezes in his tracks. 

“Jaeyun? What–what did he–what did you do to him?”

It stings that the first question he manages to get out is about Jaeyun’s well-being instead of yours. But you don’t dwell on it much. He is his best friend and you’re the one with the bloody knife. 

Gathering up all your strength, you tell him the hard truth. “He tried to kidnap me and take me back to Beomgyu.”

He shakes his head. “No, no, Jaeyun wouldn’t do that. It must be a misunderstanding.” 

“But he did. He told me so himself when he grabbed me and tried to drag me away.” You keep your tone soft, knowing how hard this must be for him. 

“Why is that dagger bloody? Where is he? Did you–did you kill–”

“No.” You assuage his worries. “I didn’t hurt him that badly, and he probably left the castle by now.”

He breathes a sigh of relief and it’s silent for a moment while he absorbs what you said. Then he looks at you and blinks. “Oh, what about you? Are you okay?” 

You let out a breathy laugh. “I thought you’d never ask.” You try to keep your voice schooled but it still comes out sounding reproachful.

“I’m sorry, it’s just this is all so shocking. I mean he’s been my friend for years now, it’s hard to believe that he would do this.” He says and you laugh again, “Not that I don’t believe you, it’s just…”

“Hard to believe. I get it.”

“I’m sorry, I really am.” He sighs, “For my reaction and for what he did.”

“You don’t have to apologize for his actions.” You say, “And I’m fine. Just shaken up.”

“I’m glad to hear that. Come, sit down.” He takes you by your free hand and leads you to a chair. You flop down on it, boneless, and you wonder how you managed to stay up for this long. 

"God, Taehyun is going to freak out when he hears about this." 

Kai’s eyes widen."Oh, please don't tell him."

"What?"

"He'll kill him." Kai kneels at your feet and grabs your free hand in his pleadingly. “I know what he did was wrong, and I will do whatever you want to make it up to you but I just can’t…” His voice hitches as he tears up, “He’s my best friend. I can’t bear to see my brother kill my best friend.” 

“Oh, Kai,” You go to cup his cheeks but realize you still have the bloody dagger in your hand. He flinches and stands up while you pull the sheath from your pocket and slip it on the blade before tucking it away, and start again, “I know how hard this is for you but we can't keep this from Taehyun. Don't you think he'll start asking questions when Jaeyun suddenly disappears?" 

He chews on his lip nervously and paces around, thinking. "Then wait until the morning to give him some time to get away."

You can give him that much. It’s probably not wise but you know you’d want the same courtesy if you were in his situation. 

"Okay. If that’s what you want." You sigh, getting up. “And Kai?” 

He stops pacing and looks at you. 

“I’m still sorry about this. I don’t want Jaeyun to get hurt either. And I don’t want to lose you.” 

He presses his lips together before saying, “I don’t want that either.” 

It sounds reassuring and you almost take it as that, but something about his wording makes you uneasy. 

You don’t realize until later that it’s because he said he doesn’t want to, not that you won’t. 

The latter reassures that you have nothing to worry about while the former says that you do. 

____________________________

Taehyun is as furious as you imagined he would be when he finds out. But sweetly enough, he first makes sure you’re alright before he unleashes his fury. 

“How the fuck could he do this? I trusted him. I gave him a position in my court. I let him get close to my family, and he turns around and does this?” Taehyun seethes with barely contained rage. “Just wait until I get my hands on him. Do you know where he went?” 

You shrug weakly, technically not lying but not being entirely truthful either. You should’ve known that such a weak response wouldn’t fail to arouse Taehyun's suspicions immediately. 

"Wait, how come Kai knew about this before me?” His narrowed eyes pin you down. “When did this happen exactly?"

You exchange a nervous look with Kai. 

"When?" Taehyun repeats coldly. 

"Last night."

“What?” He barks, "Why didn't you come to me right away?"

"I–I…” You sputter, not knowing how to tell him that you did it for Kai’s sake. But you make the mistake of glancing at Kai again and Taehyun’s face hardens in understanding. 

He turns to Kai. “Did you tell her to wait so he can escape?” 

“No, he didn’t–” 

“Just let him go, Taehyun, please. For me.” Kai pleads, cutting you off and confirming Taehyun’s suspicions. 

“For you?” If possible, Taehyun becomes even more angry. “You should be the first one after him! He’s your friend and he attacked her. You should be the one punishing him.” 

“And he will be punished.” Kai insists, “I can’t imagine you would let him live out his life as a lord anymore after this. He’s going to lose everything because of this, isn’t this punishment enough?” 

“No, it’s not. He’s not going to live out his life at all.” Taehyun proclaims eerily. 

“No, please! I never contested your rulings before, Taehyun. But please, don’t do this.” 

“I have to. He’s a traitor.” Taehyun deadpans, “The only way he’ll get out of this alive is if I don’t find him so you better hope I don’t.”

“But he didn’t take her and now he’s on the run. Just leave him. What harm is that going to do to you?”

“I can’t just let him get away with this. He needs to pay for his crime just like anyone else. ”  

“You can. You just don’t care enough. You did it for her so why not for me? I’m your brother!” Kai shouts, and the tinge of resentment in his voice takes you off guard. 

You hadn’t really anticipated him using that and, by the looks of it, neither did Taehyun for he blinks and pauses, not really saying anything for a few seconds before he shoots you a look that makes you hang your head low and wish you weren’t here right now. 

“I didn’t do it for her. That old man killed his daughter’s husband to avenge her death.” 

“So? He’s still a killer and you would’ve executed him if it weren’t for her. Why can’t you pardon Jaeyun for me?” 

“Because he’s a traitor.” 

“But–”

“Enough!” Taehyun’s voice rings around the room, shutting Kai up and overwhelming the beat of your own heart. “I will not hear about this anymore. Once I catch Jaeyun, he will be made to answer for his crime, and that’s the end of that.” 

Nervously, you glance at Kai, but he’s not looking at you. He’s staring at his brother with the same anger Taehyun regards him with, but also with hurt. You understand what he must be feeling. To him, it seems that his brother refuses to extend the same courtesy he showed you towards him and his old friend. Even worse, the entire reason his friend is in danger is because of you. 

You move to go after him when he turns around to leave, but Taehyun’s gentle but commanding voice stops you in your tracks. 

“I’m not done talking to you, my lady.” 

You spin on your heel slowly, “Taehyun–”

“See what happens when I make exceptions?” He chastises you and you feel your belly churn in guilt because you know he’s right. “He’s my brother and he’s acting like this. Imagine if other people got wind of it.” 

“I know and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have gotten involved.” You bite your lip. You really should shut up now but when were you ever able to help yourself? “But still… can’t you pardon him for your brother?” 

Of course, your request isn’t to Taehyun’s liking. “You can’t ask that of me.” 

“But I’m fine.” You try to appeal to him. “He didn’t hurt me.”

“This isn’t about you.” 

“Oh.” Your face falls. 

“I hold my court on a very tight but tenuous leash. As you know, half of the lords here don't like me very much. It would only take the smallest sign of weakness on my part for them to pounce on me like hyenas. That’s why I can’t let an act of treason like this go unpunished. It could very well be the death of me.” 

“I understand.” You mumble, never having thought about it that way. There is so much you don’t know. “And I’m sorry. None of this would’ve happened if I wasn’t here.” 

He frowns and moves towards you. “No. None of this would’ve happened if Jaeyun wasn’t a disloyal bastard. You had nothing to do with it.” 

“But surely I didn’t help either. If I wasn’t here–” 

“Stop it.” He snaps, making you flinch, thinking he’s mad at you. But then he gently cups your face in his hand. “You belong here. I want you here.” 

Your heart beats faster. It’s so rare that Taehyun is affectionate towards you, and you never know how to handle it. You just become a nervous mess in his arms like you are right now. 

“You did a very brave thing.” He leans down closer to your face and your breath hitches. “But don’t think I’m not mad at you too.”

You pout and he laughs, swiping his thumb over your puckered lips. “But I’m also proud of you. You picked things up so fast and were able to protect yourself so well. It’s amazing. Not that I ever doubted you.” 

You smile, fighting back your blush. "Well, I was trained by the best." 

He smiles back–a rare sweet, toothy smile and you can’t help but reach up and close the rest of the distance between the two of you, kissing him. 

He believed in you. He believed in you and he gave you the tools and the training to defend yourself and you did. He believed in you and you proved him right. This has never happened to you before. 

For the first time ever, you finally feel capable and proud of yourself. It’s exhilarating. 

But Taehyun is not Taehyun if he doesn’t ruin the mood. 

“The prince won’t stop with just this failed attempt.” He informs you as he breaks the kiss, making you sigh wistfully. 

“Has anyone told you that you’re not very good at the romantic talk?” You tease, but Taehyun, as always, doesn’t share in the banter.  

“You’ll be vulnerable as long as you remain unwedded.” 

Your smile falls and you take a step back. So that’s what this is about. 

“If we were to marry, it might stop him.” Taehyun elaborates, “He can’t steal another lord’s wife without stirring up a scandal in the kingdom, and the king won’t let something like that happen.” 

“Yeah, that’s a great plan. You’re as practical as always.” You mumble, turning your back to him, but Taehyun goes around you and stands in front of you, putting his hands over your arms loosely. “What’s the matter?” 

The matter is that he still hasn’t given you any indication that he feels anything for you. Sometimes you think he might, like when you kiss. When you kiss, he makes you feel like he wants you, like he doesn’t want to let you go, like he’s always waiting for the next time you’ll lock lips again. 

But then he opens his mouth and asks you to marry him with the most emotionless attitude imaginable and you’re back to feeling like just a business transaction to him. 

“Taehyun, do you actually want to marry me or are you just doing this because of my circumstances?” 

“Of course I want to marry you. You think I would’ve asked if I didn’t want to?” He questions as if he can’t possibly understand where you’re coming from. 

“I don’t know, would you?” You exclaim, “I can never read you and you don’t exactly make your feelings known either.” 

“Then what do you want me to do to prove to you that I want you?”

What you actually want is to hear him say he loves you, but you’ve already asked once and his rejection was humiliating enough. So you go with the next best thing. 

"Will you sing for me?" 

That clearly surprises him and slowly blinks at you, dumbfounded by the odd request. "What?"

"Kai had mentioned that you used to sing but don't anymore.” You explain, and you see a little bit of understanding seeping into his wide-eyed gaze. “Will you sing for me?"

He thinks about it for a bit before giving in. “Okay.” 

You don’t know what you expected him to sound like but it’s not this. His voice can only be described as saccharine. It’s even sweeter and more angelic than Kai’s playing, with an occasional but heart-wrenching raspiness that tugs straight at your heartstrings. He doesn’t look at you as he sings, and even though you can’t normally read him, you know that this is a vulnerable moment for him, but he’s doing it for you, and you’re so mesmerized that you find yourself holding your breath so you won’t disturb him and make him stop. 

Only when the song ends, do you let yourself take in a deep breath. 

“I haven’t sang in a long time so I’m sorry if that sounded bad.” Taehyun says sheepishly, sneaking glances at you. “And sorry if you were expecting a love song. I haven’t exactly been entertaining musicians in the last few years so the only song I could remember off the top of my head is the lullaby my mother used to sing to Kai to sleep. It’s probably–”

You cut off his babbling with a kiss, feeling him sigh against your lips and relax, and that, more than anything, makes up your mind.   

“I’ll do it. I’ll marry you.” You tell him, and the smile he gives you is so adorable that you have to lean in and pull him into another searing kiss. He may not have said that he loves you, but you can live with this for now. 

When you separate, you see that his dazzling grin has settled into a content smile that makes you ache. 

“So you really haven’t had any musicians here in years?” 

“I guess I never saw the need.” He shrugs and you gasp. “The need? Music is the food of the soul.” You proclaim grandly. 

“Oh, so that’s why everyone says I have no soul.” He jokes and you both chuckle. It’s so rare to have lighthearted moments like this with Taehyun. So whenever they occur, you make sure to bask in them fully. 

But sadly, even that all but disappears when you speak. “I’ll go check on Kai.”

Taehyun’s expression flips around in an instant. “You don’t have to baby him. He needs to toughen up.” 

You sigh. Well, it was nice while it lasted. 

“It is still hard for him. Jaeyun is his best friend.” You attempt to reason with him but he remains bull-headed. “His best friend who tried to kidnap you and take you back to your captor.” 

“I know, Taehyun. I was there.” You say wearily, tired of his complete lack of empathy towards anyone, even his own brother. “Not everything is about facts and transgressions. People are allowed to have feelings and be sad about the loss of someone even if they hurt them. And we have to give them the time and space to heal.” 

“I don’t see how that helps. You’ve had all the time in the world to heal from your prince, have you healed?” 

“That’s low, Taehyun.” 

“Maybe but it’s necessary. There is no such thing as healing. You just have to pull yourself together and be strong so it can’t hurt you anymore.” 

You laugh. “You know, I could so easily throw this back at you but I won’t because, unlike you, I care about not hurting the people that I love.” 

It takes you a moment after he freezes to realize what you had just said. 

“You love me?”

You sigh defeatedly. There is no point denying it now. “Yeah, I'm an idiot, right?”

You don’t know what you expect him to say in response to your unintentional confession, but anything would’ve hurt less than his silence. It makes the already vulnerable confession feel even more compromising. 

“Forget it. I don’t know why I even bother.” 

“Wait, I…” He calls out and you pause, that damned hope in the pit of your stomach refusing to die already no matter how much bitterness you’re forced to swallow down every day because of him. “You what?”

But he doesn’t say anything. He just stares at you like a cornered cat. Is declaring your love really that frightening for him? Does he even know how to process human emotions? 

You give him a disappointed look and turn on your heel, marching out the door and he lets you. 

He lets you. 

_______________

You find Kai in the harp room, but he’s not playing anymore. He’s sitting hunched over, his head down and cradled in his hands–-the picture of despair, and you can’t help but hurt for him. You know too well what it feels like to lose your dearest friend. 

“Hey sweetheart.” You call out timidly and he cranes his head to look back at you. You can see the redness of his eyes even from where you stand. He doesn’t return your greeting, just puts his head back in his hands so you walk further into the room but you don’t take a seat next to him. You don’t feel welcome to anymore. 

“I’m so sorry for everything.” You venture but he stays quiet. “I know this is very hard for you. Losing friends, especially in this way can be difficult.” 

That’s when he lifts his head to glare at you. “Don’t talk about it like we just drifted apart or something. Taehyun wants to kill him!” 

“Well, maybe he won’t find him.” You suggest dumbly. You’re not very good at this. You’ve never been put in such a situation before. Has anyone?

“He is injured.” 

“Maybe some other lord will take him in and treat his wound?” You continue to grasp at straws. 

“With a death sentence hanging over his head from Taehyun? No one would take that risk.” He retorts once again, clearly finding your suggestions stupid. 

“I don’t know what to tell you, Kai. I wish I could help.” 

“But you can. You can talk to Taehyun.” He beseeches, finally getting up. “Convince him to pardon him like you did with that old man.” 

“I already tried but he refused.” You shake your head, “He says it would put him in danger if the other lords think they can get away with treason.” 

“Then he can do it secretly like last time.” 

You give him a pitying look. “I don’t think he’ll agree to that. That would be too much of a risk.” 

“Just try!” Kai cries in desperation, “Tell him you won’t marry him if he doesn’t. Do something!”

“Honey, I know this is hard–” You reach out to touch him but he stops you with a cold look. “Don’t.”

Your hand drops to your side. 

“I just…” He swallows, looking away. “Need to be alone right now.” 

“I understand.” You concede sadly, practically seeing your friendship with him shattering right in front of your eyes, and knowing you can do absolutely nothing about it. 

This isn’t fair to you. It’s not like you wanted to hurt Jaeyun. He’s the one who decided to betray you all, and it’s not fair that Kai is blaming you for this. 

The sour taste of anger and resentment bubbles up in your throat but you push it down because even though it’s not fair, you know that things are never fair when it comes to those we love. 

Kai is young. He’s lived his whole life seamlessly with Taehyun and Jaeyun. But here you come out of nowhere, putting his best friend in danger and turning his brother against him. It may not be your fault but, in Kai’s eyes, your presence is what instigated this. 

He just needs some time and space to process things and then he’ll come around. Or at least that’s what you hope. 

_______________________

Unlike Beomgyu’s wedding to Ryujin and how it slowly crept forward like death, inevitable, your wedding to Taehyun came at you with startling speed. 

There weren’t any big preparations to do or any guests from other lands to invite over so there was no need for any delays. Especially that Taehyun wanted the wedding done and over with before any news of it got back to Beomgyu. 

The days went by in a blur, so fast that it didn’t really sink in that you’re marrying Taehyun until the night before the wedding when Kai came to visit you. 

You hadn’t talked to him since his fight with Taehyun. He’d been avoiding you, and so when you see him, you attempt to not let the interaction be stifled with any uncomfortable emotions. 

“Came to wish me good luck?” You joke lightly, but no amount of willpower could keep the smile on your face for long when he looks at you so unhappily.  

“Please don’t go through with this. He’s going to hurt my brother.” 

You let your facial muscles fall into a disillusioned expression like they want to. You’re not going to let him pin everything down on you like Jaeyun did on your own wedding night. “He’s not. Taehyun said this is the way to stop him. If I’m married, he won’t be able to just take me without any repercussions.” 

But Kai isn’t convinced, “And you actually believe that that would stop him?” 

Fuck. You hate how you’re so easy to read. 

 You falter for a second, but pull yourself together by sheer will. “I have to believe it.”

You spent your whole life wishing for this moment–to be married to a rich and powerful lord who would respect you and provide for you, and Taehyun is that. You refuse to be guilted out of this because of something outside of your control. Why do all the other nobles get a shot at happiness but when you try to take yours, you’re being a bad person? You deserve to be happy too, right? 

You’re happy about this marriage, right? 

You shake your head to dispel the doubts that plague you like flies swarming a rotten carcass.  “And if it won’t, you’re just going to have to trust in the capabilities of your brother. He asked me to marry him knowing full well what Beomgyu is capable of. He’s not some weakling that Beomgyu can crush. He can defend himself, and I don’t think he’d appreciate you trying to make his decisions for him.” 

“He may not be happy about my interference, but you know just as well as I do that Taehyun gets tunnel-vision when it comes to things like this and he becomes blind to the bigger picture. He wants to help you but he’s not taking into account how doing that would end up jeopardizing everyone else.” 

“Are you saying that he’s only marrying me out of charity? Because he’s not. He said so himself!” You defend yourself pathetically. 

“He is fond of you, that much is obvious, and I know you also bear some affection for him, and that is why I’m asking you to step aside. If you truly love him, wouldn’t you want him not to get hurt?” He pleads with you. 

“Of course, I don’t want him to get hurt! I thought about it a million times but your brother is strong and he wants to do this.” You shout, getting emotional. “And what about me? Don’t you care about my safety or my happiness? Didn’t you want me and Taehyun to be together? Or was I only good when it benefited you?”

Kai at least has the grace to look ashamed of himself. “I do care about you but he’s my family.”  

"And I'm not." You let out a short laugh. “Got it.” 

This has always been your life. No matter how much some people may claim to accept you, you'll never be their family. Wonyoung did it before and now Kai, and your hatred for your own family reignites once again. If only they had embraced you. If only they had put you first like other families did their own, you wouldn't even be in this position. 

“I just don’t want him to get hurt.”   

“I know.” You acknowledge, but the bitterness still burns your tongue. “Look. Beomgyu is the prince, yes, but he is the second in line. He doesn’t have as much power as you think he does. Especially that his father doesn’t even approve of me being there. He would do anything to keep me here so that limits Beomgyu even more. If he could've done something, he would’ve done it already instead of sending Jaeyun after me. He probably has nothing.” 

“I want to believe you. I so very want for all of this to work out.” Kai effuses, stressed out, “But what if you’re wrong? What if he has merely been threatening us all this time, and when he finds out about you marrying Taehyun, he will unleash his real power?”

You run your hands through your hair nervously. You fear that too. Beomgyu was never a fighter but you know he has great relations in the royal court and out of it. He always had a way with people. You’d seen him charm his way through many situations and recently you’d seen just how manipulative and cunning he could be. He might be capable of much more than you can imagine. 

But you can’t give into your fears. Taehyun is an adept and proven warlord, unlike Beomgyu. You don’t have any real evidence to say that Beomgyu can actually harm Taehyun in any way. You were able to defend yourself against Jaeyun so Taehyun sure as hell can defend himself against any attacker too. For all you know, Beomgyu is just bluffing. 

You shake your head again. “There is nothing he can throw at us that we won’t be able to take.” 

Kai sighs and lets his head hang low for a moment. You can see the tension in his shoulder, and hear how exhausted he is. The worry must be weighing heavily on him, and It makes a pang of guilt shoot through your heart. 

“I really hope you’re right about this.” He says finally, picking his head up and moving towards the door to take his leave. But before he passes through it, he cranes his head back to say one last thing, “For your sake more than anyone.”

Then the door slams shut behind him. 

Your mind races to try to process his parting words. Was that a threat? Is this his way of warning you that if Taehyun gets hurt, you're going to pay for it? 

In all cases, you now know for sure that you’re losing Kai. That’s two down out of the three people who you thought actually cared for you here. Now you only have Taehyun, and his love for you has always been under serious doubt. 

You didn’t have many people back at the castle either but at least Wonyoung never threatened you. At least Beomgyu loved you.  

That night, all you could think about is Beomgyu. 

First, you think about what he might have in store for you. If he really has more up his sleeve than you think, and how it could even be possible for him to take you from Taehyun if you got married.

Then it turns to wondering what he might be doing right now. If he’s thinking about you like you’re thinking about him. How he might take the news of your marriage. You know it would crush him. You still remember how he cried the night you left him. You can’t imagine what he’ll feel when he discovers that you gave yourself in marriage to another man. It would kill him, you’re sure of it, because it’s killing you. 

You miss him so much, and in your moment of weakness, you allow yourself to wish you were back in his arms. He would hold you so tightly and never let go. He would tell you that he loves you over and over until you have no thought left in your brain other than being loved by him. Oh, how you long to be loved again…

You only realize you’re crying when you feel the dampness of your pillow against your cheek. You know it’s ridiculous. He’s married too. You’re not doing anything different, but somehow this just feels so final. If Taehyun is right, then you’ll never again get to have his arms around you, listen to his comforting voice, feel the sense of peace that could only come with knowing that you’re in the presence of your soulmate.

This feels like he’s being ripped away from you all over again, and this time permanently. 

______________________

He doesn’t leave you even in your dreams. 

You’re on that beach again, like you are every night, and he’s sprawled down in the sand in front of you, bleeding and crying out your name. He can’t see you and you can’t reach out to him. He’s wailing about how you’ve hurt him, how you’ve betrayed him, how you’ve never loved him. Every muscle in your body aches to run to him and take him in your arms, assure him that you do love him, that you wouldn’t have done this if you saw any other way, that you long for nothing more than to be with him again, but you can’t move. You just stand there and watch while he screams for you.

When you wake up, your face looks so puffy and haggard that no amount of cosmetics could make it better, not that you had much on hand anyway. You look the worst you’ve ever looked in your life, and you feel it too. You must make quite a spectacle walking down that aisle. Luckily, there aren’t many people here to see the ghastly bride. 

In typical Taehyun fashion, the wedding is modest and small. He doesn’t waste any money on frivolous expenses like decorations or music. Usually that would bother you, you always imagined your wedding to be a spectacular affair much like Beomgyu’s wedding… more specifically, the same as Beomgyu’s wedding because you had always fantasized about being his bride. There would be flowers of every kind from all around the world, but the most prominent ones would be sunflowers, your favorite. The chapel would be draped in the most gorgeous whites. He’d wear a golden suit even more ethereal than the one he wore on his wedding, and you’d wear the prettiest wedding dress ever made. But Beomgyu would still see nothing but you because, to him, you’re more beautiful than any dress ever could be. The celebration would be held in a huge ballroom and the guests would come in wearing their finest jewels and apparel to share in your merriment. You would dance all night and laugh and drink. And when he takes you back to your marriage bed, he would take a moment to just stand there and let it sink in that you’re finally going to belong to each other forever. 

Your actual wedding is nothing like that. 

It’s an intimate affair, just you, Taehyun, the priest and a few lords to bear witness to the marriage. The chapel is small and bare, no sign of the normal revelry of weddings in sight. Your dress is pretty enough, made of lace and studded with crystals, but the beauty of it is dampened by the fact that it belongs to Taehyun’s departed mother. You suppose what Taehyun is wearing is more elaborate than anything you’ve ever seen on him, but the somber dark blue of its color combined with your dress, borrowed from the dead, makes it seem like he's an undertaker escorting an unfortunate young bride to her grave. 

Taehyun made sure to invite only his most trusted advisors, so the news won’t get out to Beomgyu before the wedding, and even then, he only let them know the night before.

This wedding isn’t what you had imagined as a little kid at all, but somehow, that makes it easier to get through. There was no need for maintaining appearances or socializing. It’s a miserable wedding befitting a runaway and her divisive lord. 

And so the wedding goes by in a blur, and without a hitch. Well, almost.

When the part where you actually give your consent to getting married to him comes, you waver. 

Standing there, looking at the emotionless countenance of the man in front of you, your mind once again wanders to how Beomgyu would’ve looked in this moment. You imagine he’d be the happiest you’d ever seen him. He’d tear up a little, and then so will you because you both just can’t believe how lucky you are to be marrying your soulmate. 

But Taehyun is not your soulmate, and his eyes are as cold as ever as he gazes down at you.

“My lady?” The priest calls to you when you remain silent for too long. 

You look at him then look around the room. You feel short of breath as you realize that you’re surrounded by people who don’t care about you, standing in front of a man who doesn’t love you, who may never love you, and you feel a soul-crushing sense of hopelessness because you know you have no other choice but to marry him.

You keep your tears to yourself, and recite your lines as if out of your body. 

Taehyun only pauses to scrutinize you for a second, and you can only imagine what is going on inside his head for his expression remains unreadable to you, before he recites his own vows quickly and efficiently. And just like that, you’re married. 

The celebration after is lackluster and joyless–for you have no family or friends to celebrate with. The only two people you cared to celebrate this day with you are either on the run or think that you’ll be the downfall of Taehyun.  

Only one exception breaks the monotony of your depressing wedding; the unexpected appearance of a band that comes on to play the sappiest love songs you’ve ever heard. They’re truly god-awful and out of place, and by the confused looks of the other lords and how Taehyun seems to avoid your gaze, you know that he got them just for you, and for the first time today, the feeling that you’re making a huge mistake lifts off you just a little bit. 

________________________________

The rest of the muted celebration goes by in a haze, and before you know it, you’re in front of your marriage bed. 

You have your back to Taehyun as you face the bed, silently gathering up the courage to do this. 

You don’t know why you’re so nervous now. You’ve wanted him in an intimate way for a long time and now you can have him. But it just feels so wrong. He’s your husband, but he’s not your soulmate. He’s your husband but he doesn’t love you. 

Taking in one last big gulp of air, you let your robe fall off your body and turn around, letting him see you in all your nakedness. 

You can see that he is hesitant, but he lets his eyes wander over your body, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down as he gulps. But he doesn’t make a move towards you. He just stands back with his glass of wine still in his hand, forcing you to gather up even more courage than you thought you had in order to speak up and not fall to the floor to pull your robe back around your body. "Aren't you going to take what's yours, my lord?" 

Finally, he puts the glass down and moves towards you. You steel yourself up, anticipating his touch, but get confused when he leans down to get your robe and drape it back over you. 

"You don't have to do anything you don't want to." He tells you, and suddenly, all your feelings of apprehension and self-doubt transform to anger. You can’t believe he is pulling this shit on your wedding night. "Do you not want me? Is that it? Am I not desirable enough for you?"

He has the audacity to look taken aback. "What? No. You’re stunning. You’re so… sexy.” His voice grows hoarse as his eyes flit to your breasts that lay exposed by the loosely draped robe,. “It was hard holding back all this time." 

“Then why did you?” You ask, frustrated.

“I would never defile a woman like that.” 

“I was already defiled.” You snort bitterly. 

“No, you’re not.” He protests firmly, “What he did to you, it was against your will.”

“But this is not.” You groan, “Why didn’t you at least show me that you want me? Why do you always have to make me feel so unwanted?” 

“I–I…” He looks unsure of himself. “I’m just not used to these things. I’ve never been with a woman like that before. I don’t know how to act. I’ve only ever known blood and death.”

His woe is me attitude is really getting on your nerves, and you’re not going to take that excuse any longer, not on your wedding night. 

Grabbing him by his shirt, you push him down on the bed and straddle him.

He looks up at you, wide eyed. “What are you doing?” 

“Shut up.” You kiss him. 

Taehyun’s lips are always chapped from the cold weather and lack of care, so unlike Beomgyu’s soft, smooth lips. It's another side of him that is rough and raw, making up the unpolished amalgamation that is him. But the inside of his mouth is just as searing, drawing you in as he lets you deepen the kiss to your heart’s content. 

At least he kisses you back like he means it, and when you move to push your body closer to his, you feel his hard member brush against your thigh. 

You break the kiss to lean back and look at him, noticing how his pupils have dilated to overtake his gray irises. Deliberately, you rock your hips against his, making his breath hitch and his hands fly to grab at your hips. 

“Do you like that, my lord?” 

“You’re my wife now. Don’t call me that.” He rasps. 

“I am your wife, and I’ll call you whatever I want.” You tangle your fingers through his hair and pull his head slightly back to bear his neck. He keeps his eyes on you as you lean down and run your mouth over the sensitive skin, feeling goosebumps sprout under your lips. 

“Do you want me, my lord?” You ask pointedly, emphasizing your words with another roll of your hips. 

“Yes.” 

“Good.” Your lips latch onto his neck, sucking a bruise into his skin as your fingers start to undo his shirt. When you’re done, you push it off his body, your lips making their way from his neck down his chest, continuing to mark his skin in vengeance for all the times he made you feel unwanted so that when he looks at himself in the mirror, he’ll remember how you made him feel. 

As you make your way down his body, you feel the muscles of his belly tense under you, and when you start unbuttoning his pants, he pulls himself up on his elbows to stop you. 

“Wait—” He says, voice strained as you pull his cock out of his pants, touching him skin to skin for the first time. “You don’t have to do–” 

You cut him off by taking his dick in your mouth. 

“Oh…” He gasps shakily, falling back on the bed, and pride fills your chest. 

You've never done this before with Beomgyu, even though he always begged you to do it. You just thought it was too demeaning. Besides, you couldn’t imagine how you could possibly fit him in your mouth. Taehyun is your husband though–it’s not as demeaning doing this to him, and he is smaller than Beomgyu so you imagine you can take him easier. Besides, you heard that this drives men crazy and you want to make Taehyun lose control for once. 

You suck on his cock like you read about before, keeping your eyes on Taehyun to see how he would react. It seemed like the tighter your mouth was around him, the better he liked it. He also likes it better when you wet his cock with your saliva, making the slide of your mouth over him easier. 

The noises that fill the room make your cheeks flame. You know you said that it was demeaning, but seeing the normally stoic man tense under you and hearing his quiet gasps every time your mouth would get close to the head of his cock made you wetter than you’d care to admit. 

You wonder how Beomgyu would’ve looked if you had agreed to suck him off. He would be loud, that’s for sure, debauched and urging you to go faster and harder. He’d have your hair wrapped around his fist–

No! You need to stop thinking about him. You’re with your husband for fuck’s sake, and you shouldn’t be thinking about Beomgyu in that way especially after he violated you against your will.

Wanting to punish yourself for thinking of him, you force your mouth down on Taehyun’s cock more than you can take, the top of it hitting the back of your throat and making you gag. 

“Oh fuck, stop, stop, I’m going to cum…” Taehyun squirms and you pull back, his cock slipping from your mouth and hitting his belly with an obscene wet sound that makes you grow even wetter.

“Shit, what are you doing to me?” He laments as he tries to catch his breath. 

You don’t let him though, quickly pushing your robe off, revealing yourself to him once again, and there is no denying how aroused he is when you see how his cock twitches at the sight. 

You smile, climbing on top of him and grabbing his cock in one hand while pleasuring yourself with the other in order to make sure you’re wet enough to take him. 

“I’m your husband. Let me do that for you.” Taehyun croons, moving his hand further up your thigh, but you know that if you let him, you might lose control and you don’t want that. You want him to be the one feeling overwhelmed for once. 

“No. You wanted me to show you how I can take charge, right? Well, I am taking charge.” You position his cock at your entrance and slowly sink down on him. 

His gasp when he first feels you around him and the strangled moan he lets out once he’s all inside make the pain of not having prepared yourself fully better. Still, you give the both of you some time. It’s his first time, and while it’s not yours, you only had sex once and it was a long time ago so it still stings a bit. 

“Can you… move?” He grunts after a while, splaying his fingers over your ass as if he’s prepared to move you himself if you don’t. You wonder if he’ll do it. 

“I don’t know if you deserve it after the way you made me feel.” You pretend to think it over, clenching around his length just to tease him. 

“Please.” He chokes out, his hands gripping your ass tightly, and that one word, coming from him, drives you wild. 

“Fine.” You steady your hands on his chest and start riding him. 

He fits you perfectly, his cock filling you up just the right amount. It hits all the right places without stretching you out too much, and it feels great.

But he doesn't overwhelm you like Beomgyu does, doesn't leave no room for other thoughts. No, you have to physically push these thoughts out yourself. He is obviously enjoying it too but he’s not wild about you like Beomgyu is. He’s not reacting to you like he needs you to breathe… and you’re addicted to being needed. It’s sick that even though Beomgyu took you against your will, you still want him because, in the most fucked up way, it showed you how much he needed you. 

But this is good for you–not a smothering love and a burning need so intense it incinerates your skin, but a steady fire that warms you up enough to survive the winter. You just need to get used to the chill against your skin as you work hard on stoking the fire. 

Maybe that’s why you keep prompting him to tell you how he feels, to reassure you that he’s still enjoying it. "You feel good?"

He nods, biting down on his lip.

"It doesn't suit you to be meek, my lord. Speak up."

"Yes." He answers, voice tight. 

That gives you the reassurance and drive to keep going, and you move faster over him. 

He still doesn't vocalize much but judging by how tense he looks and how tightly he grabs onto you, you can tell he likes it.

“How is your first time, my lord? Is my pussy as good as you thought it would be?” You mewl, your hands hanging onto his body as you ride him, feeling the hard planes of his muscles under your fingers. 

“It’s better.” He grunts, his big hands spreading your asscheeks apart. “Can I go faster, beautiful?” 

You want him to, you really do, but he has not lost control yet, hasn't gotten desperate enough for your liking, so you don’t let him.   

“No. I like it this way.” 

“Seems like you just want to see me go crazy.” He calls you out, but you brush it off. “So? You’re my husband, don’t I get to do what I want to you?”

“Yes, my beautiful.” He cajols, reaching out with one hand to cup your breast. When his thumb brushes over your nipple, you falter, breath stuttering and your body arching into his touch. Noticing your reaction, he doubles down, moving both hands to your breasts and playing with your nipples. 

“Fuck…” You whimper, leaking arousal around his cock and making a mess. 

You can’t let him fuck you up like this. You need to regain control. So, leaning over him, you anchor yourself to better ride him, moving your hips up and down faster. 

When Taehyun’s breathing picks up and eyelids fall heavy over his hazy eyes, you know you’ve reclaimed the upper hand. His soft, shuddered breaths are like music to your ear, egging you to fuck him faster so his eyes would gloss over completely. 

And you try your damn hardest, but before you can accomplish that, you start to tire out, your thighs burning from the effort, and you’re forced to slow down. 

Curiously, that pulls a quiet whine from Taehyun. “Why did you slow down?” 

You grab his hands and lower them to your ass again, “Take over for me, won’t you, my dear?” 

“Whatever you want.” He murmurs, his eyes falling to where you’re joined together as he grabs fistfuls of your ass and starts moving you over him. It would probably be easier for him to thrust upwards but Taehyun is so strong that it’s easy for him to lift your body up and bring you down onto his dick in rapid, vigorous strokes. 

The drag of his cock against your walls and the way he doesn’t take his eyes off your pussy that keeps swallowing him are so good that you almost don’t think about Beomgyu anymore as your orgasm approaches. 

But before you can fall over the edge, Taehyun’s strained voice calls to you. "I'm going to cum." 

"No. Hold it.” You whine, clinging onto your building orgasm. “I'm not there yet. Can you do that for me, my lord?" You drawl seductively, and he seems to like that. 

“Yes.” He shudders, his face scrunching up as he doubles down on his efforts, bouncing you on his cock with impressive ease. 

You gaze down at him with hazy eyes, marveling over how his muscles bulge with each movement. “Taehyun, touch me.” You plead, grabbing one of his hands and guiding it between your legs. 

“Fuck, so wet and smooth.” Taehyun groans as his fingers rub the velvety skin of your pussy. His touches are untrained and unfocused, but the rough calluses on his fingers make you shudder every time he invariably brushes against your clit.

You squeeze your eyes shut, trying to focus on the building pressure, but you realize your mistake when you see the image of Beomgyu plastered over the back of your eyelids. 

Gasping, you find yourself suddenly hurled over the edge. 

“Oh, oh god.” You mewl, your body shaking and your pussy spasming over Taehyun’s cock as you cum. 

“I can’t–-I can’t—” Taehyun chokes, his hips bucking up and pushing his cock further into your pussy. It feels so good but you can’t let him cum inside you. 

Whimpering, you sit up on jittery legs, making his cock fall out of your pussy. 

“Why–” He growls, but before he can finish his question, you grab his cock and jerk him off, your hand sliding fast over his slick length and easily salvaging his high. 

"Cum for me, my lord." 

Disappointingly, he goes completely still and quiet as he comes. Only once his cum is splattered across his stomach, does his breathing return in shaky pants. 

You have to admit, he looks incredibly sexy though. The usually cold lord lying under you on his back, skin glistening with sweat and cum. It may not be that hunger that you crave but it’s a pretty sight. 

"Was that good?" You ask, still needing the reassurance since he won’t talk otherwise.

"It was incredible.” He confesses, and then adds, “Now I understand why some men go to war over this."

“Well, you might just have to.” You snort but Taehyun doesn’t seem to find it funny anymore. 

“I can take him.” 

You give him a smile that doesn’t reach your eyes, and thankfully, for once, Taehyun understands that you don’t want to talk about it. You feel a flood of shame wash over you as you remember what just happened. You just came to the thought of Beomgyu. You just had your first orgasm with your new husband while thinking of your past lover who forced himself on you. 

You're a terrible, sick human being. 

As if you could feel any worse about yourself, Taehyun asks, "Was that… good for you also?" He cringes at his own wording and doesn't meet your eyes. It's a bit endearing if you're honest. 

"It was." You say, fighting against your inner shame to reach a hand out to touch his shoulder. 

"Was it as… did it feel…" He keeps starting and stopping his sentences and, in that moment, you realize how unsure and out of his depth he is. 

"What is it, Taehyun?" 

He finally looks into your eyes, and you see his gaze flit between them, searching for something. You hope he finds it but it seems like he doesn’t, for he moves you gently to the side and gets up off the bed, mumbling, "Nothing. Forget about it."

This enigmatic interaction makes you wonder if there have been other moments like this before that you just hadn’t noticed–moments when he felt unsure about something but never mentioned it to you. And that just makes you latch onto this more.

"Taehyun, you can talk to me. I know this was your first time and it can be stressful–" 

"It's not that." He cuts you off as he grabs a rag to wipe himself off. "I was just worried because I didn't do much. I'm the man. I should be the one pleasing you." 

You get a feeling that that's not really what's bothering him but you can see from the way his shoulders hunch up stiffly that he has put his guard back up and is not willing to divulge anymore at this moment so you have to regrettably let it go. It's not like you're that forthcoming with him either. 

"The man? That's unlike you to say." 

He snorts, acknowledging it. "I don't usually but it's the duty of a husband to please his wife."

"Well consider me pleased."

You watch as Taehyun grabs both of you your sleeping attire. He puts his on, which consists of only a pair of soft pants, then hands you yours. 

“You don’t wear any clothes to sleep?” You ask as you slip on your silk nightgown. 

“I get very hot in my sleep.” 

“Here?” You ask incredulously and he shrugs. “I guess my body just runs at a higher temperature.” 

“No kidding.” You mutter, not believing that anyone can find the local weather anything but chilling. 

Taehyun gets into bed beside you and draws the cover over his button half. You get under the covers too, and neither of you makes any attempt to move closer to the other. 

"Do you need anything?" He asks, fidgeting with the cover in his lap. 

"Uh, no." You reply just as awkwardly. He looks at you like he wants to say or do something but is very hesitant about it. "Do you need anything?"

His eyes widen as he realizes he's been staring, and he shakes his head. "No." 

“Well, goodnight.” You say, lying down on your side of the bed. 

“Goodnight.” He whispers, and you think you hear him sigh before he grabs the candle on the nightstand, blowing the flame out and plunging you into darkness. 

_____________________________________

You can’t sleep. You’re not alone in bed so you can’t toss and turn restlessly like you usually do so all that nervous energy remains trapped up inside you and makes you even tenser, like a coiled spring. You're also very cold but you can’t bundle all the covers around you because you'd be taking them from Taehyun.

So you can’t do anything but lie very still and watch him sleep as you curl into a ball on the other side of the bed. 

You try to focus on his breathing, slow and deep, in and out, in and out… but it only helps to slow your heart rate down a little and nothing more. And it spikes back up again when he suddenly opens his eyes.  

“You’re watching me sleep.” He states. “I can’t sleep while someone is watching me.” 

“Sorry, I just can’t sleep.” You mumble sheepishly at having been caught. 

It's quiet for a while as he stares back at you and your eyebrows furrow. Did he fall asleep with his eyes open? 

But then he speaks up, startling you once again. “Can I help?” 

You think about it for a moment, hesitating. You’re cold and this castle still freaks you out. You'd feel better if you were in a warm and safe embrace, but you don’t know if you can ask that of him. Which is hilarious because he's your husband. You had sex with him, but you can’t ask him to cuddle you? 

Fuck it. The both of you won't get any sleep if you stay like this. 

“Can you hold me? I’m cold.” You venture to ask, but immediately regret it when he stiffens. 

“Oh.” 

“You don’t have to–” 

“No, no, come here.” He rushes to say, grabbing you by the arm and pulling you towards him, unintentionally using a little too much power and jerking on your shoulder roughly. 

“Ow!”’ You yelp and he quickly apologizes. “Sorry, sorry.” 

But then it gets quiet again.  

“...now what?” He wonders, lost, and it would be cute if it wasn't so uncomfortable. 

“You put your arms around me.” 

“Okay.” He wraps his arms around you awkwardly. He obviously hasn’t done this before with the way you’re positioned, face to face with his arms loosely draped around you as if he’s afraid to touch you. You want to say something but the charged air is just too stifling to cut through. So you close your eyes and just try to go to sleep. Or at least pretend to sleep until he does. 

But then he speaks up. “Is this helping?” 

Well, he is hot like he said so you're not cold anymore, but if anything you're even more stressed now. You feel like you can't move a muscle or even breathe in too deeply so as not to disturb him. So you just lie perfectly still, but he doesn’t. For some reason, his leg keeps shaking. 

But him speaking up gives you the courage to speak too. 

“Not really. You keep shaking your leg." 

“Oh sorry.” He apologizes in a way that makes you think he didn’t even realize he was doing it. “It’s a nervous habit.” 

“It’s okay.” You sigh and pull away. “I’ll just get a drink.” 

"Oh, okay."

You get up and go pour yourself some wine. “Want some?” You ask Taehyun who is now sitting up in bed, but not looking at you.

“No, thank you.” 

“You’re still shaking your leg.” You remark, before taking a big gulp from your cup. 

“Oh, fuck.” He slaps his hand down on his leg as if to physically hold it in place then laughs. “If my father was here, he would whip me for this. He always hated when I did that, said it made me look like a nervous rat.” 

“That’s awful.” 

It really is. The more you hear about his father–which isn’t much since Taehyun is not the type of man to divulge his pain to anyone–the more you grow to hate him for what he did to Taehyun and his little brother. 

“Yeah well, he was an awful man.” He shrugs. “I thought I kicked the habit years ago. Don’t know why it’s back.” 

“I know.” You snort. “You’re uncomfortable around me.” 

“I’m not… uncomfortable around you. I'm just uncomfortable about this whole situation in general.” 

“Well, you certainly know how to make a lady feel better.” 

He winces, and you can see him collect himself before he forces himself to look at you. "This is all just so new to me but I'm trying. I swear I am.” 

You take another mouthful of your drink and look away. "And what if that's not enough for me?"

"Don't say that."

You shrug and down the rest of your cup. “Maybe I should go sleep in my old room.” 

“No.” He says with an unexpected finality. “You’re my wife. We should sleep in the same bed. I’m just… not good at this. So… help me?” He asks you with a vulnerability you're not used to from him, and even though you want nothing more right now than to escape the suffocating awkwardness of the situation, you don’t have the heart to refuse him.

You put down your empty glass and join him on the bed. “Lay down.” You tell him and he obeys, looking up at you with a lost expression on his face that is painfully reminiscent of a child who is not used to any kind of affection. 

Your heart lurches in your chest as you grab his arm that is closest to you and pull it away from his body so you can curl yourself around his side, resting your head onto his shoulder and draping your arm over his torso. 

“Try to relax.” You whisper, to yourself as much as to him, and you feel him nod. But after a while, he still hasn’t relaxed much. 

Should things be this difficult? It was never difficult with Beomgyu. In fact, it was the holding back that was hard. But maybe that’s a good thing. Things came so easy to Beomgyu that he felt entitled to more than you were willing to give and he justified it by saying how much you wanted him too. It may be awkward and unfamiliar with Taehyun but at least he never took more than you gave him. It may not be easy but you have to try your best to make it work. He's your husband now. 

So when Taehyun’s leg starts shaking again, you think of what Beomgyu might’ve done to calm you down in this situation and that's when an idea pops into your head. 

Craning your head up, you cup his cheek and pull his lips to yours. 

Every time you kiss him, he seems to reciprocate it faster, like he was waiting for you to make the move. Being more receptive to physical touch than emotional or verbal ones, this seems to succeed in calming him down, and he stops shaking his leg. 

When you pull away, he looks down at you, murmuring a soft sorry that you answer with a small smile. 

You’ll make this work no matter how hard it is. You have to. 

__________________________

Things are better for the next couple of months after the wedding. Taehyun slowly--painfully slowly, seems to become less tense around you, and more flustered. You don’t have to ask him to hold you to sleep at night. He doesn't refuse you when you touch him. He's still stand-offish when you're not behind closed doors but you catch him stealing glances at you during the day, quickly looking away when your eyes meet his. 

It was kind of cute. But you can’t fully enjoy it as much as you’d like to because there is one thing occupying your mind and not allowing you to let your guard down.  

You know that the news of your marriage must've reached Beomgyu by now, and yet he hasn't said a word to you since, no letter, no nothing. Why is he so quiet? Shouldn't he have said something by now? Condemned you? Cursed you? Threatened you? Anything would’ve freaked you out less than his unnerving silence. 

Could he possibly be preparing something huge? Or was your betrayal so harrowing that he actually gave up on you? Could he have hurt himself because of you? 

Oh god, please don't let it be that. You wouldn't be able to forgive yourself if you found out that you’re the reason he hurt himself in any way.  

“Wondering why he’s so silent too?” Kai’s voice drifts to you on the wind as you stand on the now familiar ledge, trying to clear your thoughts. 

“Yes.” You admit, “Maybe he gave up on me like Taehyun said.” 

“Why do you sound so sad saying it?” 

“Kai–” 

“I really hope he did. Taehyun seems happy with you. You know, he sometimes looks off into the distance and smiles randomly when he thinks no one is paying him any attention. It's weird." Kai looks at you with a hint of the previous friendly mischievous you used to share and you can’t help but smile in response. 

“You’re really making him change. It’s amazing to see. You’re the perfect woman for him.” He ends on a seemingly unfinished note, and you can’t help but prod, even though you know you won’t like it. “But?” 

“But I wish you didn’t come with a crazy prince in tow.” 

There it is. You sigh heavily, staring at the waves in the distance, wishing you could feel them against your skin once again like you did that last time you and Beomgyu were together. You could really use a soul cleansing right now, but you wonder if it would be the same without him, if the waves would wash over you and purify you like they did last time or if they would crash onto you and submerge you, pulling you down until you can’t breathe anymore. 

“I don’t believe your prince has given up. This is just the silence before the storm." Kai informs you, leaning on his elbows over the low stone wall that stands between you and sure death down below, and looks off into the distance. "And I can already see it brewing.”

A sense of dread fills you up as you follow his gaze, already feeling the salt water burning at your throat. 

_________________________________________

And what a storm it is.

“He is going to kill you.” You hear Kai’s raised voice even before you open the door. 

“I can handle myself.” Taehyun replies, tone as reserved as ever but you can tell that there is an edge to it. 

“You should’ve thought hard before you married–” 

Something really bad must’ve happened. You just know it. You can feel your heart beat erratically as you swing the door open and step in. “What is going on?”

It’s Kai that hits you with the news, devoid of any of the courteous preparation anyone else might’ve attempted before delivering such life-altering information.

“The king is dead. So is the crown prince. They were murdered in their sleep.”

Oh god no. Bile and words race each other to claw their way up your throat. 

“And B-Beomgyu?” 

“Injured but alive.” 

You've never felt so relieved before in your life, and it's obvious on you, as Kai doesn’t fail to remark. 

"Look at her. She's happy he's okay. She doesn't even know what this means." He sneers, gesturing to Taehyun wildly, and the latter regards you with narrowed eyes. 

"Don't you understand what's happening?" Taehyun asks you but you stare at him cluelessly, your brain still flooded with relief at knowing that Beomgyu is okay. 

"Your prince has to have been the one who killed them." Taehyun explains slowly, irately. "The news of our marriage must've reached him, and he's making his move."

Realization falls on you like an anchor, pinning you to your spot with the sheer weight of it, and ripping through the tenous foundations of the life you’ve built here. Now that his father and older brother are dead, you realize that there is nothing standing between you and him anymore. 

Except one person.

Your eyes snap towards Taehyun in horror, and he understands your concern immediately. 

“Don’t worry. As I was just telling Kai, he’s not going to hurt me.” He reassures you then turns towards Kai to continue, “He can’t hurt me even if he tried. He’s just a royal prick that is mad that someone dared to take his toy away from him.”

His wording offends you. Beomgyu doesn’t think of you as a toy. He loves you, which is more than you can say for Taehyun. 

You know this isn’t what you should be concerning yourself with at this moment, but to hear Taehyun degrade your relationship with Beomgyu in this way felt incredibly hurtful. Beomgyu is the only person who ever loved you, and Taehyun's implication that you were just a play thing for him shatters you, because if he didn't love you and Taehyun doesn’t love you then who does? 

Your self-involved inner tirade is interrupted as the two brothers continue their fight. 

“Even if that’s true, how can you be so sure that he can’t hurt you? He’s a prince! No, he's now the fucking king.” Kai shouts. 

“And I’m a goddamn warlord. I know how to defend my land and my people.” Taehyun yells back. 

“You know, you have a lot of shit to say about my shortcomings but this…” Kai gestures around vaguely, “This ego and stubbornness and misguided need to save everyone might just be the death of you.” 

Kai’s words shock Taehyun into silence. You can tell by his reaction that Kai has never spoken to him that way before. 

You feel horrible for having come between the two brothers like that. It’s all your fault they’re fighting. And Kai doesn’t shy away from blaming you. 

“And you,” Kai turns on you. “I thought you said he had nothing. That didn’t seem like he has nothing."

“Maybe it wasn’t him.” You sputter dumbly. It's a weak attempt at deflection and you both know it. “You said he was injured too. Maybe there was actually some kind of conspiracy and he managed to escape it.”

“Are you stupid? So these unknown conspirators just so happen to kill the only two people standing between him and the throne while only managing to injure him non-fatally? It's so obvious that he’s behind this." Kai screams at you, "If you don’t go back to him–”

Taehyun jolts out of his shocked state with fury. He walks up to Kai and grabs him by the collar, snarling in his face, “You’re my brother and I love you but if you ever even suggest that she give herself back to him, I'm going to make you regret it.”

Kai regards his brother with a look of shock and disbelief. "After all we've been through, you’re going to beat me up over a stranger?" 

"She’s not a stranger. She’s my wife now, which makes her my family as much as you are." 

That makes you melt. Taehyun is such a reserved man, so hearing him say this, especially to his brother, means more to you than you can begin to express. He thinks of you as his family. No matter how crazy he is for thinking he can take on Beomgyu, it's still so touching to know that he's willing to go to war to protect you. His family. You finally have a family.

Kai’s wide eyes flit between you and Taehyun, and you fumble nervously under his gaze that turns condemning before he pushes Taehyun off him and walks away. 

“Taehyun….” You approach him, unsure of what to say. You want to tell him how much this means to you, but you can’t find the words and you worry that even if you do, he's going to reply with something that would ruin the moment like he's wont to do.

Wait, why do you have to say anything? You can just show him. You fling your arms around him and pull him into a deep kiss, pouring your gratitude into it. 

"Thank you for letting me into your family."

"You don't have to thank me for that. It's your right."

You give him a grateful smile. He must not realize how huge this is for you but it is. 

But then guilt plagues at you and you start gnawing on your lower lip nervously. 

Taehyun frowns at that and lifts his hand up to prop your chin up, using his thumb to pull your poor bruised lip out from between your teeth. "What is it?"

"Okay don't be mad," You start, looking up at him anxiously. "But I feel a bit bad for Kai–"

Taehyun groans and pulls away from you, so you rush to explain before he shuts you out completely. 

"He's just worried about you. All he needs is reassurance. Just promise him you'll be okay and he might come around."

“I don’t make empty promises.” He rebuffs you, and you stop cold. “What do you mean? I thought you said you can handle yourself.” 

“I can but there is no guarantee that your prince won’t manage to kill me somehow.” Taehyun explains nonchalantly, as if he was talking about the weather and not his potential death.  

“Why didn’t you say so before?” 

“I thought you already knew that.” 

“You’re unbelievable.” You scoff, and he gives you a mystified look. "Why are you so upset?"

"Why am I upset?” You blurt out incredulously, “Maybe because you just told me that Beomgyu actually has a chance of killing you and I'm fucking worried about you, you emotionless idiot." 

But Taehyun’s expression remains perplexed. “Worrying is useless. It won’t help anyone, least of all me.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake!” You exclaim, frustrated and hurt by his apathy. “That’s not what you’re supposed to say when someone says they’re worried about you. A normal person with actual feelings would, I don’t know, find it sweet that I’m worried about him and then he would try to reassure me that everything will be fine, instead of making me feel like a hysterical woman for caring about my husband’s safety.” 

“I have feelings.” He rebukes with all the emotional capacity of the cliff getting smashed by the sea. 

You laugh humorlessly. “Great. Why don’t you use them sometimes?” 

You expect him to say something else that’s either indifferent or hurtful, but instead he grabs you and pulls you towards him, kissing you with a surprising passion that you quickly match because you know that this is his way of expressing the feelings that he can’t articulate. 

When he pulls back, he pauses for a second, hesitating, before speaking. "I'll be fine." 

You give him a pointed look. 

"I promise I will do everything in my power to survive for you." He corrects himself, cupping your face and making you look at him when you try to look away. "Okay?"

"Fine." You reluctantly give in. 

"And I find it sweet that you’re worried about me." 

You roll your eyes and smack his chest lightly. "Now you’re just stealing lines straight from me." 

He laughs lightly and pulls you into another kiss.

“Careful or I’ll think that you like kissing me.” 

“Oh no.” He murmurs, catching your lips once again, his smile clear against your lips. 

"Okay. I'll accept your promise.” 

“Good.” He tries to kiss you once more but you stop him. “But I'm not going to just sit around and do nothing while you fight for me."

He frowns. "If you mean that you want to fight alongside me on the battlefield then I'm sorry but I have limits too." 

You roll your eyes. It's just like Taehyun to only think of literal physical fighting. 

"There are other ways to fight than physical warfare, and I suspect that Beomgyu wouldn't go for that anyway. You’re a military man, and even if the king is gone, he still can’t forcefully steal another man’s wife without causing a major scandal that could threaten his new position. What he'll do is try to turn your lords against you so they take you out themselves without him getting his hands dirty, just like he did with his father."

Understanding dawns on him and he doesn’t look happy about it. 

“So what exactly are you suggesting?” He asks suspiciously. 

“You need to make sure your lords see that standing by your side would benefit them more than betraying you. Only half of the lords here are loyal to you. The others hate your guts for exiling their fathers and their friends. We need to offer them things that they want so that they disregard that and remain on your side.” 

“Forget it.” He shakes his head. “I’m not going to waste my people’s money lining up the pockets of murder accomplices and sympathizers.”

You know he hates them for they or their families knew about the true fate of his mother, and he has every right to. But if he wants to stand up to Beomgyu, he has to force himself to put that behind him to protect himself and the people he cares for.

“Your people won’t have you for long if you don’t listen to me, and then they’ll fall right into the hands of those lords you despise so much. Do you think they will be left anything then?” 

He scowls, clearly perturbed by this discussion, but you need to make him see it from your point of view because otherwise he won’t stand a chance against Beomgyu. 

“If you want to beat him, you have to play his game. There is no other way. You know that.” 

“Even if I did that, how the hell am I going to match what he could offer? I don’t have that kind of wealth.” 

“You don’t need to. I’ve seen the royals do this a million times back when I lived at the palace. No ruler gives their subjects immense wealth to keep them in line, that’s stupid. If he does that then they’ll eventually become too rich and powerful for him to control. No, he only gives them enough to make them want to keep him around so he keeps providing them with things.” You explain, “I’m not asking you to coddle them. In fact, it would be good for the plan if they still fear you. If we combine the fact that they’re scared of you with some of the political tricks I’ve learned back at the palace, we can make it so they’d see that it’s not worth it to turn on you. You only need to give them enough to keep them satisfied so as not to think about risking dying at your sword for more.” 

Despite your explanation, he still looks unhappy about it, so you go up to him and wrap your arms around his midsection, looking up at him with your best pleading face. 

“Please, Taehyun. You promised me you’d do everything in your power to survive.”

“This isn’t what I promised.” He protested, but you could see that you’re getting to him. 

“Please. I know you don’t like them but it’s for the greater good.” 

“Don’t like them? I’d sooner drive a sword through their hearts than give those bastards anything.” 

“I know, but you’re a good ruler, and you’ll do right by your people. I know you will.” You whisper gently then lean up to kiss him. 

But he doesn’t respond, he just stands there, eyes open and staring into the distance until you give up and pull away. 

__________________________

Taehyun comes around and does what you’re asking of him in the end, but at what cost? 

Those couple of months that you had following your marriage when Taehyun was all shy gazes and steady kisses are but a distant memory now, and you start to wonder if you didn’t just dream them up. 

He gives his lords more money, more perks, more allowances at your behest. It’s plain as day how much he hates it, but you keep reminding him that this is better for his people, that in such circumstances, keeping the city united and his lords loyal will benefit everyone in the long run. That if his lords betray him, it would not only doom him, but that the little people will be the ones to suffer the most, and that if he falls, Kai might be next. 

That especially seems to convince him. Despite his quarrel with Kai and him choosing to stand by you, he would still do anything he could to protect his little brother. He still doesn’t like it–it’s a daily fight and subsequent compromise over what he will or will not allow to pass–but at least he’s trying. 

But the fights have taken a major toll on your already strained relationship. More than anything, you think he hates that he now has to imitate the very same man he so despises–Beomgyu. 

It couldn’t be helped though. Beomgyu is the most loved man in the kingdom, both by the common people as well as his fellow nobility. Who better to learn from than the man who has most of the country wrapped around his little finger? And who better to teach him than the woman who spent her life attached to him at the hip? 

You worry about Beomgyu a lot, which makes you feel positively wretched because you realize that he’s most probably behind this. But with his uncharacteristic silence, you grow even more concerned and doubt starts to infiltrate your brain. Maybe he really didn’t do it. Maybe he’s just back at the palace, injured on top of being heartbroken, and wondering how his life got to this point and why he’s all alone? 

No, you have to stop thinking this way. As Taehyun would say, worrying accomplishes nothing. It’s not like you can do anything to figure out how he is or what really happened. 

Theoretically, you can send him a message and ask him about it but you know that would upset Taehyun and make Kai distrust you more, not to mention that it’s unlikely Beomgyu would even tell you the truth. But at least you’d know if he’s okay… 

God, you just hope he’s okay. You cling onto that hope to get you through the mess you’re going through right now with Taehyun. 

Mercifully, you can already see some positive change, the lords of the city becoming more cooperative with Taehyun, some even to the point where they’re pulling their own strings to, unbeknownst to them, better prepare the city in case Beomgyu attacks.

That’s another thing you’re doing. You don’t think Beomgyu will actually attack but you have to prepare for the worst case scenario anyway, and Taehyun is on top of that. 

He ups the number of guards in the castle and around it, trains you even harder, sends scouts to monitor the fringes of the city, starts preparing the army for any possible attack, stocks rations for any possible food shortage… he does everything little thing he can think of to protect the city, and you do the same, racking your brain every day to try to remember or think up any other way you can smoothen the relations between him and the other lords. You even have him reaching out to neighboring cities to gain further allies.  

He does it all, and in turn, he seems to loathe you a little bit more each day.   

It reaches a point where he is avoiding your touch once again. He doesn’t even hold you to sleep anymore. The distance between you grows more and more the more he gives in. Until the only time he is speaking to you is when you’re discussing your plans to fortify the city. 

Yeah, Taehyun doesn’t appreciate what you’re doing, but there is someone else who surprisingly does. 

“I gotta say, I’m impressed.” Kai says as he once again intrudes on your now sacred place–the cliff you seem to be frequenting more and more as your husband grows more distant. “Who would’ve thought there would come a day when Taehyun makes nice with the other lords. You’ve really changed him.” 

"He's not doing it for me.” You object, hating how Kai brings everything back to you. Couldn’t his brother be doing this because he saw the error of his ways? “He just wants to protect his people. He wants to protect you."

"From the threat you created." 

"Don't start now. It’s too late. We're already married.” You sigh, tired of this, then add on gloomily, more to yourself than to him, “Though it doesn’t feel like it anymore.” 

“Yeah, he’s certainly not happy about it.” Kai snorts and you scowl at him. 

“Are you here to gloat?” 

He blinks at you, taken aback. “No. I’m actually here to commend you. This is some amazing work you're doing. I've always wanted him to be smarter around the other lords and to make more political allies, and now he’s finally doing it for you." Kai repeats once again, and before you can protest, he continues, "I just wanted to tell you that, before everything goes to shit.”

“Maybe it won’t.” You utter softly, wishing it into the world. “Maybe we’ll actually prevent the apocalypse.” 

Kai laughs wistfully. “Taehyun was right. You really are too sheltered.” 

Your face hardens at that. It’s one thing for Taehyun to call you sheltered, but for even Kai to throw that at you? That’s just insulting.

You want to throw it back at him but then he says something that guts you. “That won’t happen because that would be fair and life isn’t fair. If it was, you wouldn’t have been dealt such a terrible hand.” 

"If you don’t think it's fair then why are you against me? If I’m doing what you want then why don’t you help me?” You shout, exposing your vulnerability to him but you just don’t understand how he could see your situation for how oppressive it is and yet choose to be another boot pressing down on your back instead of offering a hand to lift you up. Taehyun may be cold and prideful but at least he refuses to participate in injustice when he sees it. Jaeyun may be a traitor but at least he doesn’t understand what’s wrong with what he's doing. But for Kai to both see and understand completely and yet still choose to align himself with Beomgyu? That’s what is truly crushing.  “We’re stronger together. I need you next to me, Kai." 

But he shatters your glass hope with a simple shake of his head. "Maybe Taehyun has changed you too, but someone has to think of the bigger picture. When your prince attacks, and he will, none of this is going to matter. We can't stand up to the crown and you know it. He knows it too, but he’s just not the type of man to abandon the sailor who fell overboard to save the rest of the ship from the storm. It doesn't help that he's in love too."

The cogs of the world screech to a halt around you, leaving a ringing in your ear as you stand there in the stillness trying to fathom what he just said. Taehyun loves you? That can’t be. If he loves you, wouldn’t he show it? Why the hell would he be avoiding you so much if he loves you? Wouldn’t he want to spend time with you, to be close to you, to make any excuse to be around you?��

No, he can’t love you. Beomgyu loves you. You can’t remember a day when you didn’t see his face growing up because he always wanted to be by your side. He’s bending the world around you so you can be together. He’s getting rid of any obstacle that stands between you and him.

Taehyun doesn’t even seem to want to be in the same room as you, and when he is, he barely looks at you. How can what both men feel for you be the same emotion when the way they’re acting towards you couldn’t be more different?  

“Taehyun isn’t that type of man but I am, and sometimes you have to do the painful thing to protect the ones you love.” Kai disrupts the stillness of the world with his declaration, eyes full of meaning that you now understand perfectly. 

With that he leaves you to think on what he said. 

______________________________

You don’t reach any new conclusion following your conversation with Kai. You understand his threat perfectly. He doesn’t want to hurt you but he will if your presence is threatening his brother’s life. 

What you can’t make sense of is his claim that Taehyun loves you. How can that be? 

Yes, he’s doing what you asked of him, but he’s more distant than ever. Even the rare little sweet moments you used to share are all but gone. He’s always tense and aloof with you. No smiles, no jokes, no kisses. Your relationship is the worst it’s ever been. 

And then something happens to make it even worse. 

You were in your room getting ready for the day alone–Taehyun having gotten up at the crack of dawn like he always does, when a servant comes to tell you that your husband has sent for you urgently. 

“But I haven’t even had breakfast yet.” You state, trepidation gnawing at you at the strange request. 

“There is a guest here to see you.” She says, wide eyed, and your anxiety flares dramatically. 

Is it Beomgyu? Is he here for you? 

With a racing heart and shallow respirations, you all but run to him, swinging the door open to face your mysterious and unexpected guest. 

Somehow you’re even more shocked, and disquietly disappointed, to see princess Wonyoung standing there in all her lovely glory. 

She seems shocked to see you too, but for a different reason. She gasps like she just saw a starving child and runs to you, touching you daintily as her eyes sweep over your entire form. 

“Oh, sweetheart, look at you.” She says pityingly, covering her mouth in horror with her perfectly manicured hand. 

You know you don’t look your best right now. You haven’t had any access to much of the privileges you used to have back at the palace. There aren’t any people here hired specifically to take care of your hair or nails or skin. You have to do all that yourself or with the help of untrained servants who just put your hair up in a messy, awkward updo, slap on some rouge and lipstick that don’t compliment your skin tone, and dress you in ill-fitted, shabby dresses. 

You already know you look bad but next to her, you look downright dreadful. She’s as gorgeous as ever, with make up that makes her look as fresh as a summer fruit, jewelry that excludes riches and sophistication, shiny locks pulled up in an intricate hairstyle, and a dress that compliments her figure and could only belong to royalty. She looks like a goddess and you look like a temple worker. 

You’ve never felt more insecure in your entire life, and you just stand there, awkwardly trying to fix up your hair or smoothen your dress in a futile attempt to not feel as bad as you look, but that only serves to make her notice how self-conscious you are right now and she looks at you with a pitying smile that makes you feel worse than if she were to insult you. 

“How are you, princess?” You greet her, attempting to deflect from your humbling situation. 

“I’m good. How are you?” She asks earnestly, “We missed you so much.” 

Her choice of words doesn’t escape your notice. We. “I missed you too.” 

Her smile widens at that and she looks like she wants to take you into a hug but she’s unsure if she’s allowed to, so you just do it yourself. 

“Oh, sweetling.” She coos, hugging you so tightly.

She even smells good, and you hate how that makes you want to run back to your room and bathe in your shitty perfume until your scent begins to resemble that of a lady once more. 

“Are you here to say something, princess?” Taehyun cuts into your little moment. You don’t know if you’re just imagining it, but he seems ticked off and nervous. You think you can see it in the way he seems to be trying to stop his leg from bouncing up and down anxiously. Wonyoung being here must’ve really thrown him off. 

“Oh, yes.” Wonyoung acknowledges, patting you one last time on the back before she steps back. “May we have some privacy?” She asks Taehyun and he irritably waves off his guards out of the room, leaving only you, him, Wongyoung and Kai. 

“Can’t it just be the three of us?” Wonyoung regards Kai with a sideways glance. “What I’m about to say is highly confidential and must not leave this room.” 

Before Taehyun even has the chance to respond, Kai interjects angrily. “No, you’re here to say something about your deranged brother, and as Taehyun’s brother, I have the right to hear this too.”

“He’s right. Kai deserves to be here as much as anyone else.” Taehyun decrees, and Wonyoung looks at you for confirmation. 

Truth is, with how Kai has been threatening you, you’re not sure if you want him to be here for whatever Wonyoung has to say, but you also don’t want to ask Taehyun to remove him because then he’ll know that there is something going on between you and Kai. And even though you’re hurt by what Kai has been saying to you, you understand where he’s coming from and you don’t want to sour his relationship with his brother. You also still have hope that you can salvage your own relationship with him if you just prove to him that his brother is not going to be in danger because of you.  

So, with some reluctance, you nod to Wongyoung, giving her the go-ahead to proceed. 

“My brother has sent me to bring you back home.” 

Her statement garners a variety of reactions. 

Kai snorts derisively. “Yeah, as if we didn’t know that.” 

Taehyun takes on a more offended approach, snapping, “She is home.” 

But you just stand silent. She said home.  You never knew that she considers the palace your home. You always thought that, to her and to everyone other than Beomgyu, you were just the lowest-born lady in her entourage. So to hear the princess herself call her family’s home your own makes the little girl in you who always felt like an outcast feel giddy and vindicated. 

“Why would she go with you?”

“Because she wants to.” She sneers at Taehyun then turns to you. “You want to come home, right?” 

Every time she says that word, it tugs on your heart strings, pulling you towards her and towards home. But you can’t, this is your home now.  

“Princess, you must know I’m married by now.” You whisper as if you’re telling her a shameful secret. You know you shouldn’t be ashamed of what you’ve done but it somehow still feels like you’ve betrayed her somehow. The princess of the land is here to take you home and you’re telling her that you’ve found a new home. 

“Yes, I know.” You can hear the hurt and disappointment in her voice and it just makes you want to shrink in on yourself. “But we still want you back.” 

God, she’s tearing you apart. This is everything you’ve wanted, but it’s just a beat too late. 

You shake your head to staunch your helpless tears. “That’s not possible. I can’t just leave my husband and go live with you. What kind of woman does that? It would be a huge scandal.” 

“Not if he keeps his mouth shut and doesn’t make a fuss about it.” She jerks her head towards Taehyun and when you follow her direction your stomach plummets to your feet at the frightful look he’s regarding you with. “People know you’ve lived your whole life in the palace. They won’t think it strange if you went back to live with your family following your strained marriage to a notoriously cruel lord.”  

So many emotions run through you at once. She called herself family. She not only thinks of the palace as your home but she thinks of you as family… you’re so moved, you could cry. 

But you can’t let on how touched you are by her statement when it makes your normally cold husband boil with rage. 

“She’s not in a strained marriage, and you’re not her family. I am. What kind of family prostitutes one of them to another? What kind of family isolates and keeps down one of their members so they could never escape? You were never her family. Your real family is that monster and you’re here acting on his orders to try to con her into coming back to the gilded prison you’ve made for her.” 

Taehyun’s enraged speech shocks you out of your enchanted state, reminding you of the reasons why you left in the first place. Even if you believe her when she says they consider you as their family, neither she nor Beomgyu ever treated you as such in front of other people. Only Taehyun did. 

Still not everything he’s saying is true. Your marriage is most definitely strained. You don’t know if he’s denying it because he doesn’t want to show any weakness in your relationship in front of her or because he just doesn’t see it. 

“We didn’t prostitute her. We gave her family money to support themselves. We took her in and treated her like our own. What have you done? Ripped her from her comfortable life and took her away to this miserable place where she has no one to advocate for her, just so you can mold her to your liking, making her jump through hoops for you, forcing her to get her hands dirty and bloody just so she can earn your favor. My brother may have crossed the line sometimes but at least he took care of her.” She doubles down, pointing the finger back at him, before once again turns to you. “Beomgyu still loves you, sweetling, and he’ll forgive everything if you just come back home.” 

Forgive? She thinks he’s the one with something to forgive?

Both she and Taehyun are twisting the truth to fit their narrative. They’re cherry picking certain points to make themselves look better and the other look worse, and they’re using you to do it. 

“And if she doesn’t?” Kai steps in impatiently. “He loves her. He’ll forgive her, and so on. That’s great, but what if she doesn’t come back? What is he going to do then?” 

Kai’s question, more than anything Taehyun said, changes the demeanor of the princess. She pulls herself back and takes on a more careful countenance. It unnerves you. 

“I don’t want to resort to that.” She says carefully, “If you just come back, there would be no need for any of it.” 

Any of it? So there is an it. This isn’t Beomgyu’s plan. This is just the peace offer that if not accepted will trigger the actual plan. 

You gulp, trying to clear your throat but your mouth is too dry and your voice comes out sounding hoarse anyway. “What is he going to do, princess?” 

She gives you a pleading look, still hoping that you’d just give in, but you stand your ground. You need to see the full picture so you know exactly what you’re dealing with. 

Seeing your determination, Wonyoung sighs and says, “He’s going to attack the city.” 

“Of course he is.” Shouts Kai, giving you and Taehyun a pointed look. “What did I say?” 

“Kai, shut up, will you?” Taehyun growls at him, and then turns on the princess. “Attack us on what ground? He thinks he can just launch a civil war without the kingdom turning on him?” 

“They won’t. They’ll stand by him because he’s avenging his father’s and brother’s deaths.” She states, sending ripples of shock and confusion through the room. 

“What?” You croak, “Taehyun didn’t kill them.” 

“Yes, he did. We have the men who committed the crime in our prison right now and they’ve confessed to everything. He kidnapped you too.” She irforms you as if what she’s saying isn’t the most insane thing you’ve ever heard. 

“What? I came here on my own accord.” 

“Did you?” She arches her eyebrows at you and you sputter dumbly, brain refusing to process her implication. But Kai won’t let you get away with it. 

“Your family are fucking setting my brother up.” He screeches at you, face red with outrage. “They’re framing him for the killings and accusing him of having brought you here by force.” 

“But why?” You shake, feeling faint and nauseous. “How does that make sense? Why would he even do that?” 

"To take the throne.” Wonyoung says simply, and starts unraveling Beomgyu’s crazy plan. “Lord Taehyun kidnapped you and forced you to give him information about the palace. He learned about the secret passages that run through it, and he mapped them out for his men. He planned to kill all the males of our family and then pretend to step in order to protect us as the second most powerful remaining lord in the country. But in reality, he was going to marry himself to Beomgyu’s widow and his brother to me so he would secure his hold on the crown. But his plan failed when one of his men knocked down Beomgyu’s bedside lantern while they were sneaking up on him, waking him up and alerting him to the attackers. My brother sustained some injuries as he fought them back but the commotion alerted the guards and they saved him. With his plan foiled, Lord Taehyun decided to quickly marry you in a rushed ceremony, to attempt to deny the accusations if they surfaced by claiming that he didn’t kidnap you at all and that you went to him willingly to get married and there was never any conspiracy behind it." 

The room falls into a terrible silence once Wonyoung is done. 

Now that the whole plan is laid out, it sounds equal parts crazy, incomprehensible, and yet somehow believable–a combination that’s so dizzying it makes you sick. You can’t even begin to deconstruct it, there are just so many absurd details about it and yet it all fits together. You don’t know what you thought Beomgyu would do���you considered that he might simply attack Taehyun, that he might send assasins to murder him, you worried that he might even hurt himself… but this? This is unhinged. It’s so insane, it might actually work, and you can’t believe that he’d go this far.  

“He can’t do this–he can’t–” You stammer, not believing what is happening right now, and so you try to grasp at anything. "Why would those men even lie for him?" 

"They’re already criminals convicted of murder and he promised to provide for their families after their death." Wonyoung explains.

A sudden cackle pierces the air and you start, looking at its source to find a jeering Taehyun. “That’s ridiculous. As if that flowery fucker could fight off any assassin I would send. Who would even believe this shit?” 

“Want us to give it a try and see?” Wonyoung spits, and it’s still so weird for you to see the normally gracious princess exhibit such animosity. “My brother is adored throughout the kingdom while your own people hate you. You want to go head to head with him and see who people will believe?” 

That strikes a nerve with Taehyun and he glowers at her with hatred in his eyes, clear as day. “If you’re so sure that this will work, why don’t you do it already? Why are you here threatening us?” 

“Because believe it or not, my brother doesn’t actually want to hurt anyone. If he can do this without any bloodshed then he will.” 

“You mean other than your father and your brother?” Snarks Kai and she shoots him a look that clearly says ‘who are you to even talk to me?’ which makes Kai fume, then she continues.  

“And he’s worried that if war breaks out, at best you might get injured and at worst your dear husband might use you as a bargaining chip to hold Beomgyu back.” 

Taehyun gets to his feet, livid. “You must mistake me for your brother, princess. I would never lay a hand on my family.”

“Didn’t you kill your father?” She asks haughtily and you can see the rage coiling in Taehyun’s body. You can practically see him fighting in order to hold himself back so you step in before things get crazy. 

“I think that’s enough.” You stand between them, holding your arms out to signal to them to calm down. “Why don’t you go and rest for a bit, princess, while we think over what you said.” 

Taehyun gapes at you. “I will not have this vile woman stay in my castle for a second longer.” 

“Taehyun, she’s had a long journey. She needs to rest.” You reproach, trying to maintain the peace so as not to antagonize Wonyoung and have her tell Beomgyu to go on with his plan. Then you add more softly, “And we need to think about what she said.” 

“Think about what?” Taehyun accuses, “I will not be threatened by that lunatic. Or are you actually considering going back?” 

“She should.” Kai interrupts, “Like you said, he’s a lunatic. He’s not just threatening us. He will actually do it if we don’t comply. For fuck’s sake, he killed his own father and brother.” 

“Kai, I told you if you suggest that she leaves one more time–” 

“Taehyun, please!” You cry out. “Let’s not fight. This is not going to help us.”

Taehyun clamps his mouth shut but his eyes still reveal his displeasure. You don’t let it get to you though, turning to the princess and taking her by the hand, showing her out of the room before Taehyun can glare at her to death. 

When you’re alone with her, you grab her and whisper, “Wonyoung, please, you have to stop him.” You plead, your whole world hanging on her right now. Never even in your most abominable nightmares could you have imagined Beomgyu going this far.

“I can’t.” She says helplessly, “He has it all planned out. He’s not going to back down now after taking out father and brother. He will not rest until he has you back.”

“How can you stand with him when you know he killed them? Aren’t you scared of him?”

She shakes her head. “I trust him. He loves me very much and I know he won’t hurt me. Just like he won’t hurt you. Beomgyu is not crazy. He is only doing what he knows is best for us.”

“What are you talking about?” You exclaim, “He killed them to get to me. He’s threatening to kill Taehyun. He could kill you too!” 

She shakes her head once again. “He won’t.” 

“How can you be so sure?” 

She smiles at you strangely. “Beomgyu saved me, sweetling. Did you know that father and Yeonjun were planning to ship me off to be wedded to King Youngchul?”

You gasp, horrified. “But he’s a monster!” 

King Youngchul is the corrupt ruler of a neighboring country. He is known for his cruelty to his subjects. He lives in excess and gluttony, mooching off the goldmines prevalent in his kingdom, all while letting his people starve, and anyone who dares to say a word against him gets their head chopped off. He snuffs out any rising rebellion by slaughtering everyone even remotely connected to it so no one would dare to think about usurping him. 

He is also known for his disgusting appetite for girls, especially young ones. You’ve heard rumors that men hide their wives from him because if he is to set his eyes on a woman he desires, he has to have her even if she belongs to someone else. 

You know that he’s had his eyes set on Wonyoung for a long time–as many men have, she is a renowned beauty across the kingdoms and highly sought after–but you never imagined that the late king would ever surrender his own daughter to such a despicable man. 

“How could your father do that to you?” You denounce, appalled and she scoffs. “He promised that he’d protect me from him, but I think all he really cared about were all the goldmines he’d have access to once he sold me off to him.” 

“Oh my god.” You stagger, feeling dizzy but she grabs you and steadies you. “But you see? This is what I’m talking about. Beomgyu isn’t the monster your lord is painting him to be. He saved me and now I’m free to do whatever I want. It’s completely different back at the palace now with Beomgyu as king. It’s safe for you to come back.” 

The fates really are cruel. It wasn’t enough for them to deprive you of the love of your life and send you on the run, but now they’re dangling him in front of you when they know you can’t reach out and take him? 

“I can’t, princess. Things may have changed for you but not for me. Beomgyu is still married to someone else. I am as well. It’s too late to go back.” 

“Do you love lord Taehyun?” She asks and once again you feel like you’re betraying her when you say that you do. 

“And does he love you?” She prompts and the tears immediately spring to your eyes. 

You can’t deal with this right now. You’re barely holding on as it is. You can’t let yourself be sucked into her beguiling promises when you don’t even know if they’re too or not. You ran away once. You can’t run away again. 

So you just deflect. “I need to get back to them.”

___________________________________

When you step back into the room where Taehyun and Kai are, you can feel the tension is even higher than it was before and you know the two brothers have been fighting, especially because of the first words spoken to you by Kai. 

“I thought you said he had nothing.” 

You stare at the ground guiltily and mumble, “I never thought he’d do this.” 

“But I thought you knew him so well.” Kai laughs hysterically. 

“Kai, enough!” Taehyun roars, but Kai doesn’t stop with his lashings. “No. She needs to see what she brought to us; death. He won’t stop until he has her and we’re all standing in his way.” 

From your talk with Wonyoung, that seems to be the case. She says that Beomgyu doesn’t want to hurt anyone but she’s clear that he will if you don’t come back. 

"Kai is right. Maybe I should go back to him.” You say, voice small and defeated but both men hear it clearly. “This won’t stop until I do.” 

“No.” Taehyun’s voice booms out, “He could be lying. For all we know he could get you back and still attack me. You'd just be making it easier for him by getting out of the way. He might even use your return as proof that you were kidnapped and have you corroborate the killers' stories.” 

“He is not lying.” Insists Kai, and Taehyun shoots him a deadly glare before continuing. "You’re my wife now. I will protect you with my life." 

"And everyone else's life?” You venture, “Are you willing to risk them all?"

“He could be lying.” Taehyun repeats. 

“And if he’s not?” 

“Then yes, I will risk it.” 

You and Kai exchange a loaded look, his previous words to you hanging in the air. 

‘He’s just not the type of man to abandon the sailor who fell overboard to save the rest of the ship from the storm.’

Taehyun will stick to his principles even if everyone else dies for it. 

“I can’t let you do that.” You fret but Taehyun persists. "We might not have to. We've been gaining allies. If you stand with me and deny his claims, he might be forced to say that he's been fooled by those men’s false testimony." 

"Even if that works, he’ll just hatch up another plan."

"Then we’ll hatch up our own."

“So you just want us to forever be on the defensive, never getting a moment of peace because we’re always waiting for his next demented plan?” Kai shouts, outraged. “How many of us do you plan to sacrifice for this? Jaeyun already has a death sentence hanging over his head, who else–” 

“Jaeyun is a traitor!” Retaliates Taehyun, “He brought this on himself.”

“He wouldn’t have to–” 

“Shut up, shut up!” You scream, finally losing it. “I can’t fucking think when you’re screaming at each other like that.” 

“There is nothing to think about.” Taehyun’s voice gets dangerously low, but you don’t back down. “Yes, there is, Taehyun. You being stubborn about this isn’t going to change the fact that it’s up to me to decide.” 

“So you’re actually thinking about going back to him?” He accuses again. 

“I don’t know, okay? I need to think and you getting angry and defensive about it is not helping. I don’t want anyone to get hurt because of me but I also don’t know if I should believe what he’s saying. Maybe Kai is right and if I go back this will all stop, and maybe you’re right and I’d just be playing into his hand, only for him to attack you anyway. God, I don’t know. This is all too much, it’s making my head explode.” You take a deep breath at the end of your shuddering rant, trying to ground yourself but it doesn’t help at all. 

“I need some time alone to think.” You look at Taehyun sadly, finally being able to read his emotions only to see him regard you with anger and mistrust. Whatever Beomgyu’s real intentions are, he successfully managed to create discord between the three of you and that just brings him one step closer to achieving his plan. 

“Then go.” Taehyun scoffs, turning his back on you. 

_______________________________

A/N: I don’t think the cut-off is bad right? it’s still a big chapter. any i can’t wait to hear what you guys think. which of the boys do you think will prevail 🤔

#txt smut #sub!idol #dom!reader

[baekluvie]

obsession | chapter 5 

pairing: reader x baekhyun

word count: 10k

genre: yandere au | this is heavily inspired by the show 'you'

tag list: @mayboy @vishary15 @greasywall @loversmantra @cityexos @kavvs @prettyboybaek @byunds

(let me know if you want to be tagged ^^)

warnings for this chapter: mention of murder, mental illness(s), mention of death(s), implied violence, manipulation, mature language, smut, violence, obsessiveness, agression

do not read if: you are triggered by any of the warnings i listed prior. this fic will contain this theme throughout the chapters. if you are not comfortable with that; please skip this post. please remember this is a work of fiction.

viewer discretion is advised

playlist for this chapter:

cupid - baekhyun pov

monster - baekhyun pov

where is my mind - y/n pov

all eyes on me - y/n pov

s&m - both

earned it - both

(a/n): hi guys it's been a while since i updated. i can't explain how sorry i am because of that. luckily i'm back to writing again at a faster pace, and i'm so excited to share this next chapter with you guys. i truly hope you guys enjoy it, and like always, replies are open. please send me messages, requests, your thoughts! always appreciated! reblog and like as it really helps me out. have fun reading!

Baekhyun's POV

There was only one thing that Baekhyun could think about while he watched the body bag being lifted from the ground and outside the door; and to put it simply, you. 

There was almost something completely different about you, the way you pushed a strand of hair behind your ear as you spoke to your higher up, putting on a little show filled with waterfalls of tears and a quivering cupid's bow. He didn't leave his place off the sofa, a paramedic slowly examining him and asking him questions every now and then. They handed him an ice pack for now, later on they'll do a better investigation of his wounds. 

But in all honesty, Baekhyun was fine. He was actually thriving, he had never felt this good in his entire life. Because in just a few steps ahead of him in the dingy apartment that once held three bodies instead of a dozen, the love of his life was lying for him. Doing his dirty work for him, without even having to find out who he really was; what he was capable of doing for...you. 

There was a falter in the feelings however, maybe he wanted you to know. And maybe you would come to accept him, regardless of how devout he was for you. You'd like his worship for you, the way he'd bend and bow down to your every single need. But there was the crashing impending anxiety that there was the slim, chance that you wouldn't want him anymore. And Baekhyun could never have that. 

So he ignores the medical attention as he watches you pace back towards him, Sehun trailing right behind her. He gives him a curt nod, but just as quickly as he greeted him, he diverted his attention to his phone. Baekhyun bites back the chuckle that's trying to crawl out from his throat, the passing thought of using his friend's name at the front desk... He wondered what kind of trouble he got in for that. 

But here you are, smiling down at him, concern painted all over your features. You crouch, your knees hitting the wooden floors, and Baekhyun has to calm his heart from skipping too fast. You brush your fingers along his bloodied forehead, and for a quick moment, it feels like just the two of you there. And how he longed... for that. Of course, the sweet moment of you killing the woman was short lived, as he had to calm you down and convince you of the plan you'd have to go with. 

Which was quite impressive, Baekhyun applauded himself. Especially since his horniness mixed with comforting you was kind of weird, it was too hard to think of anything when you were holding a bloody knife you had just plummeted into someone's chest. He couldn't decide if he wanted to fuck you right then and there or kiss your tears away. 

Of course, he went with the latter. 

He convinced you to speak with your boss, Junmyeon. Tell him that you received a distress call from Jihyo, to whom you kept in close contact since you both, lost someone very dear to you. You mended the relationship and kept tabs on one another, her depending more on you than her, considering you were the cop. So you hurried over, and to your shock, you opened the door and found her dead, sadly. So sad. 

Baekhyun cleared his throat, attempting to settle down the rising excitement that was building inside of him. He readjusted his gaze into your eyes again, and you gave him a sweet, adorning smile. He loved that look you gave, something that made him feel safe, and vulnerable with you. He didn't want anyone else but you, and tonight convinced him of that. He was sure of what he had to do, and he couldn't help but hum a short tune to himself, listening to what you were saying. 

"I think we should get back home. But before I come over, I'm going to stop by the station-" 

Baekhyun stilled, a piercing feeling stabbing through his heart. He dared to lick his lips, looking past you now, staring directly at Junmyeon. He spoke, not once stopping from staring at your boss. 

"Now why would you need to do that?" 

You faltered for a second, but you recouped and straightened your posture. 

"I- They need me to file a report of what happened. Because I found the body." 

Baekhyun flickered back to you, cocking his head to the side, his tongue poking the inside of his cheek. He could still taste the metallic, dull taste of blood. 

"Honey, we all know you could do that tomorrow. You're tired, aren't you? Let me talk to your boss for you." 

Before you could let out a single word, Baekhyun tossed the ice pack on the couch cushion, standing up. He rolled the sleeves of his hoodie past his forearms, approaching the man who was commanding you, to do something you didn't even want to do. He could already imagine the things he would do to this man, the way he'd strangle and watch him fight for his means of survival-

"Baekhyun. Good to see you." 

Baekhyun snapped out of his intrusive thoughts, pulling out a face that displayed orderliness and discomfort. 

"Jun, right? I wouldn't say it's good to see you under these circumstances." He laughed it off, but as he watched Junmyeon turn to face him completely now, he could feel a strange aura he's never known before. 

Junmyeon's facial features seem to glitch out, one moment not changing, the other moment his eyes are scrunched into crescent moons, his lips peeling to form a smile. He pats Baekhyun's shoulder, and the man almost stumbles to the side from the sheer amount of force that was put into the 'friendly' gesture. 

"What the hell, sure. You can call me Jun. Chanyeol... you guys are friends right-" 

"I was just honestly hoping you'd let Y/N take the night off. I don't think she would particularly be jumping in excitement to tell her testimony of another suicide that's been etched into her life. Be a little... I don't know," Baekhyun brings his hand up to grip Junmyeon's arm, squeezing, tighter, and tighter... "Be a useful person? A good boss?" 

The two don't say anything for a beat. Just the clutter of people around them getting photos and searching for anything to submit to the police station. Junmyeon doesn't peel away Baekhyun's grasp on him, and that actually made Baekhyun falter in his action. He despised the way this man didn't seem to be weary of him... the pure and disgusting fact that Junmyeon seemed to be radiating an energy he didn't know because...

Well, it reminded him of himself. 

The pure rage that was kept hidden from others, the mischievous and always racing mind. How silent he was even though he could be so loud to Baekhyun, his words alone were enough to fill the emptiness of Baekhyun's bitterness towards him, making him full; making him want to throw up. So he drops his hand, and Junmyeon watches his slender fingers drop from his arm, back to Baekhyun's side. He clicks his tongue, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a lighter. 

He takes a step towards Baekhyun, and before he could even react to it, Junmyeon brings his hand to grip the other's neck, pushing his head past Jun's shoulders. Baekhyun widens his eyes as he does nothing but stands still, waiting to see what his next move is. 

He hears the lighter being swung open and closed, once... twice... three times. A fourth time before he actually opens his mouth and speaks into Baekhyun's ear. 

"I don't fucking like you. I want you to stay away from Y/N." 

Baekhyun freezes, unsure of what to do. He was considerably... in a room filled with cops. There wasn't really anything he could do, so he had to submit to the harsh words the man in front of him whispered into his ear. He gritted his teeth together, his hand forming into a fist. Junmyeon speaks again before he released his grip on him. 

"I'm onto you." 

Baekhyun doesn't even dare to speak, his frame that was once confident was now just an empty shell of uneasiness. Junmyeon smiled at him, the small lines around his lips raising up, a fake facade that he displayed so well. He pushed past him, leaving Baekhyun to stand in place, not moving. He didn't quite know what he should plan to do; killing him seemed like the practical move. But then again, he'd be going against a friend of Chanyeol's. Your boss, who seemingly had a soft spot for you. If he was going to go through with it, he'd have to make sure he would do a good fucking job of cleaning the mess up. 

"Baekhyun?" He felt your soft, small hand reach his shoulder, rubbing circles into his skin. 

He sighed and closed his eyes, masking his anger with a plastic, superficial smirk. He turned around, resting his eyes on you. You looked distressed, and for a moment Baekhyun had forgotten about you, too absorbed in what just occurred to him just a couple seconds ago. But here you were again, back in his life, making his heart swell, his stomach twist and turn. He wouldn't forget about tonight, what you did for him. He places his hand over yours, bringing it towards his lips, kissing your bare skin and holding it against his cheek. You blushed. 

"Let's go home." He muttered out. 

You gave him a side smile, something like hesitation before you spoke. But you quickly covered it up by pushing your lips together in a tight line and nodding. 

"O-of course. I'll just tell Junmyeon that I'll go in tomorrow to report about tonight." 

He nodded, glad with your decision to stay with him tonight. So he walked with you as you approached the bitch of a man you called your boss, savoring the expression as he realized that you wouldn't be going in tonight. He scrunched up his eyebrows, shaking his head slightly as he let out a confused chuckle. 

"I know that I told you that you shouldn't come to work, Y/N, but this is important. Someone died tonight. You were the only person she came into contact with before she killed herself." 

You bit your lip, Baekhyun observed. He doesn't give it much of a reaction, moreso since Junmyeon was watching him like a hawk. He sides eyes you, watching as you gulp before opening your lips to speak once again. 

"I really need to rest. Maybe sleep this off. I promise I'll come in tomorrow. Just- don't pressure me into this. Please, Myeonnie." 

Baekhyun twitches as he hears the nickname you uttered from your lips. 

Junmyeon sighs as his eyes dart from you to him. He pauses and places his hands on his hips, not sure of what to say. After a couple of seconds and some shuffling of feet, he just nods grudgingly. He brings up his lighter that was encompassed within his palm, raising it to view the both of you. 

"Let me walk to your car. But promise me one thing." 

You looked at Baekhyun, an unsure smile creeping on your face. You looked back at your boss, unsure of what he meant. 

"And what's that?" You asked shakily. 

Junmyeon reached into his back pocket, and for a second Baekhyun's senses feared that he was going to pull a gun out, maybe. So he steps in front of you, and Junmyeon flashes him a weird stare. He shakes his head slightly as he continues to pull out something from his pocket. Baekhyun sighs in relief as he sees what it was. 

Junmyeon scoffed, "I didn't know you were so against smoking. I promise it won't hurt her," The man laughs a little, drifting the cigarette box in the air, "You can join in too." 

The ride in the elevator was probably the most awkward situation Baekhyun had been placed in for a while. Considering he's murdered multiple girlfriend's and had to lump their dead bodies in a ditch or... you know mutilate them. Those were pretty awkward. But this? Riding in a silent elevator with tension brewing between all three of them? It could take the cake. 

He doesn't miss the eyes of the receptionist glaring at his body, and he chooses to respond by very obviously holding your hand suddenly. You gave him a look, following his eyes towards the woman behind the desk, and he heard you giggle ever so slightly, tightening your hand with his and swinging it carelessly. That pretty much confirmed to Baekhyun that even though you murdered someone, you could still find happiness in small things like that. And that- well that was a good sign. The brightest green flag in his book. 

Junmyeon walked the both of you to his car, pulling a cigarette from the small white box with his teeth. He swiftly pulls out a light, and Baekhyun watches as the fire slowly lit up the small stick, a small puff of smoke being blown into the night. Junmyeon takes another long inhale before he offers it to you; to which you grab it in a heartbeat. 

He watches as you take a small tuff, then another. He's impressed by how much you could actually burn off that shit, but he doesn't want to mention it here. Not with Junmyeon around. So he looks the head of the police station in the eye, giving him a smug smile. There was no warmth rewarded by that, instead he was just met with a cold, disapproving look. 

"Y/N, how long have you been seeing our little friend here?" Junmyeon takes the cigarette that was dangling from your hand, tapping the end, letting the debris fall from the end of it. 

"Well-" 

Baekhyun doesn't let you respond, instead he interjects, reaching his hand to grab the stick from the other's hand. 

"We've been talking for a while now. Why, you her father or something?" 

He puffs his chest out, placing his left arm around your shoulder, pulling you into his chest. You don't say anything, which Baekhyun liked, and simply leaned into his touch. It felt nice to be with someone who wasn't so loud all the time; just accepted when Baekhyun would take the lead. 

Junmyeon watched Baekhyun as he took a long, needed, smoke. He sticks his tongue into the side of his cheek, looking back at his car and letting his body rest against it. He replies sarcastically, 

"A friend, actually. Who cares about her." 

Baekhyun coughs slightly, the jealousy rising in his chest, the neverending thoughts of how he wanted to kill this man overpouring into his mind. He takes another long drag before he notices he reached the butt of the cigarette, throwing it on the ground and crushing it beneath his shoe. He grinds it into the road, his eyebrow twitching as he licks his lips at Junmyeon. 

"Yeah? Well maybe you should act more like her boss. You know someone who doesn't have to inquire about their subordinates' love life? I ain't ever heard of a boss who was so persistent in knowing about it... unless?" He lets the question dangle in the air for a moment, watching Junmyeon cross his arms against his chest. 

You still don't say anything, but you suddenly gripped his inner thigh. Maybe that was a sign for him to stop, to not egg on your boss. But Baekhyun was on a roll now, and the more he connected the dots in his head, the more everything suddenly made sense to him. So he pushes your hand away, even though he really loved having it there, and took a few strides towards the man in question. 

Junmyeon doesn't change his expression, doesn't even seem nervous or anxious. Which made Baekhyun seethe with anger even more. He eyes Baekhyun up and down, not giving Baekhyun anything to work with; usually men would at least acknowledge the violent nature of his words and withdraw from the situation. But him? Nothing. 

"And what would that be, Byun Baekhyun?" 

He freezes. 

God, did he want to slam this guy's face into the car window, watching his blood smear against the glass. Maybe he would give him a couple of hard earned kicks to his legs, making him crumble to the ground. He'd grab him by his hair, savoring the image of blood dripping on his face. All he wanted to do was to fucking kill-

"Baekhyun. Let's go." 

Ah yes. The voice of reasoning. The reason why he lived. Right. He couldn't do anything suspicious in front of you. He'd be playing right into Junmyeon's hands. He turns back to face you. You looked beautiful; the blood still staining your face, your eyes that had no competition to the stars in the sky, glimmered at him. 

You reach your hand out towards him, and he gingerly takes it. He doesn't bother looking back at the man behind him, just looks at your face and takes in the beauty that was gifted to him, and him only. You place a hand on the small of his back, ushering him forward. 

"Go to your car and head back. I'll follow you." You whispered angelically to him. He swallows his pride and cocks his head to the side, his tongue going over the teeth in his mouth before he blinks and offers you a bullshit smile. 

Just as he takes a step without you to his car, he pauses as he hears you clear your throat. 

"Junmyeon. Please do not interfere in my life from now on. I'm fully capable of handling things on my own. I don't need you to stand up for me... or... look out for me. I can tell when I'm being manipulated. I've been through that with Kyungsoo. I just finally realized what I deserve. And if that means being with Baekhyun... well. Don't stay up worrying about me." 

Baekhyun could feel the uneasiness floating from his body into the night sky, just like the smoke from the cigarette did. He knew, he fucking knew, that you were the one. Sure, you had said you would know what manipulation looked like; but instead you chose not to see it in him. You weren't stupid, not at all. Maybe he downplayed you, hell, he definitely did, judging from what happened. The thought of his mother grazed in his thoughts then, but just as quickly as it entered, he shoved it right out. 

He turns around, not thinking really. He places his hands on your shoulders and whips you to face him, and he ducks his head down so he could place his lips on yours. You're frozen, your lips not moving against his, but after a small squeeze he gave you, you snap back to life, your lips synchronizing with his. He closed his eyes at first, but slowly opened them to stare right at Junmyeon. 

He deepens the kiss, gently biting your bottom lip, tugging on it so his tongue could melt with yours. He doesn't miss the slight disgust on your boss's face, and he doesn't dismiss the way his cock was slowly growing in his pants. He grabs your right hand, placing it on his hard bulge, and he delights in himself as you don't rip your hand away. Instead you start to grip it in your curious hand, and Baekhyun lets a small moan rip from his throat. Junmyeon doesn't do anything, just looks absentmindedly, his adam's apple bobbing up and down. 

And that's exactly what Baekhyun wanted. To confirm his suspicions against him; he liked you. That was the only plausible reason why he was so on guard, the way he immediately let Baekhyun know how much he disliked him. It all made sense. Of course, Baekhyun knew he was playing a dangerous game being with someone like you. You were beautiful, courageous, independent and strong. Anyone would sway at your feet just the way he did. But the one thing that he had what others didn't? 

He was a real man. He would do what others only imagined of doing. 

He lets a string of saliva drip down his chin as he pulls away from you, watching your half lidded eyes flutter open, a small pout replacing the bliss you had. He smiles whole heartedly at you now, a genuine smile, and he gives you a small peck before he grabs your hand and leads you to your own car this time. 

Baekhyun watched as you slid into your car, waited until you started it up before speaking. 

"I'm just going to say goodbye to your boss. Once I'm done I want you to follow me back home, okay?" 

He softly places his fingers underneath your chin, and your eyes submissively agree. You didn't need to say anything to him, you were completely under his total control. As he nodded and tapped the hood of your car, he suddenly felt your hand on his arm. He peers back to you, your body squirming as he looks deeply into your eyes. 

"I... I can help with that when we get back to your place." 

Your round eyes looked down slowly, and Baekhyun bites his bottom lip so hard he's sure he was just seconds away from drawing blood. His boner was presenting quite proudly, and he wasn't ashamed of it either. He reaches down and gives you a kiss on the cheek, removing your hand from his arm and once again, placing it on his needy cock. Baekhyun places his lips on your right ear, licking it gently before he spoke. 

"You've been such a good girl. I want you to take off your underwear and give it to me." 

He doesn't stutter once, making sure his request was filled with confidence. You blink a couple of times at him, and Baekhyun waits, letting his hand grip your embrace you had on his shaft. He eyes your legs, raising his eyebrows daringly. 

"I- right now?" You whisper, your voice shaking. He could see your legs trembling, rubbing against one another. He looks back at your face now, his mouth hanging open, his head nodding quickly. 

"Right now." He moves your hand up and down now, and the built up frustration is evident now, he could feel his member pulsating under your simple touch. You don't say a word, maintaining eye contact with him as you bring your left hand to disappear under your garment. Baekhyun doesn't miss a single moment of this, watching as you etch down a pair of black lacy underwear off your legs. You pause a moment, letting your pretty fabric hang in your hand loosely. 

"What are you going to do with this?" You sound more cocky now, and Baekhyun was getting off to this more than anything. He brings his hand to grab it, raising it to his face. He takes a small inhale of your scent, and he wishes that he could have you right then. He loves that you don't seem weirded out by this action, you seem to be just as into it as he is. 

He lets it linger near his nose a moment more before he stuffs into his front pocket. 

"I'm going to bury myself in your fucking scent until we get home. Is that okay?" 

Of course it's okay. It would have to be okay, because Baekhyun wouldn't be able to survive without it. Plus, he wanted to do something else with it, but that didn't have to be brought to light right now. You nodded, a small smile erupting on your face. He takes the time to kiss you again before he finally shuts your door close. 

Now, he could finally do what he's been thinking about this entire time. 

He slowly approached your boss who was still leaning on his vehicle, another cigarette placed between his lips. Junmyeon did nothing as Baekhyun accompanied him by his side, just glared at him with a knowing hatred. 

"Do you want to know something?" Baekhyun whispered quietly, keeping a smile plastered on his face knowing that you were looking at the both of them. He couldn't have you worry about what was going to come next. 

Junmyeon muttered sharply, "And what is that?" 

Baekhyun pushed himself from off the car, his back facing your view of him. He shoved his hand back into the front pocket, fishing out the pair of underwear you had gracefully gifted him. He brings it up, not breaking his eye contact with the man, taking a deep inhale of you. Junmyeon hitches for a second, shifting his weight to the side as the smoke from his cigarette stutters into the wind. 

Baekhyun smirks at this, happy to see him fazed; even if it was only this once. He could lap up the awkwardness he was radiating right now, craving to see it even more. So he takes it a step further, and places his tongue on the garment, letting his mouth taste you, sweet, unrelenting, you. He would have to stop this action since Junmyeon would rip it from his hand, his nose flaring, the knuckles of his fist around your underwear turning a stark white. He looms over Baekhyun, his eyes darting from him and then obviously to your car. He bites his lip in frustration, not sure of what to do. 

"Just what the fuck, are you trying to accomplish here?" He bluntly questioned. 

Baekhyun rolls his eyes, tapping his foot. He brings his hands up in the air, being a tease. 

"You can lie to Y/N all you want. Fuck, you could lie to any single person you want. But me?" 

He retrieves the underwear from him in one swift move, then steadying himself right in front of his face. He brings it up once again, but this time, shoves it right under the man's nose. He quickly shoves his hand away, his eyebrows scrunching up in anger; his demeanor trying to muster someone of confidence, but failing beautifully. 

Baekhyun clicked his tongue as he backed away. 

"You can't fucking lie to me." 

Junmyeon gapes for a moment. 

"Y-you're crazy." 

Baekhyun laughs this time, clutching his stomach. His head bobs as he regains his sanity, and he lifts his fingers to pinch his bottom lip. 

"Who knows? Maybe I am. But you can't do anything about it, can you? Stay the fuck," He switches his once giddy expression to one more deadly,

"away from Y/N. If I even so hear, your fucking name from her mouth?" 

He lets his body go limp, his arms dangling at his sides. His eyes stay dark and stoic on Junmyeon. 

"I'll fucking ruin your life." 

Since there was nothing said from Junmyeon, Baekhyun took it as him getting the final word. He gave him a quick wave, a small smile, and started to head back to his own vehicle. He flashes his sight on you, and to his comfort, you didn't seem suspecting of anything that had gone on. 

So he lumps his tired body into the car, tossing the car keys into the passenger seat. He readjusts his mirrors, carefully looking into the night. There was a wave of security that washed over him now, something that he liked to savor and keep in his memories when it did actually occur. His doubts, his worries, even insecurities. They seemed to dissipate just like the smoke from the cigarettes that were smoked. 

"Let's take this feeling and go with it, huh, Baekhyun?" He eyed himself, a soft smile etching on his face. 

-

Y/N's POV

You don't know why you did it. Don't know why you went along with it; this indescribable feeling of remorse and disgust with yourself.  As you drove into the night, following behind Baekhyun, you tried to question everything, tried to make sense of the whole ordeal. 

If there was something you were bad at, it was probably lying. Most importantly, lying to yourself. No matter how many times you replayed the grotesque murder that you did, there was no hiding the true emotions that bled right through your skin, right into your heart. 

You enjoyed it. 

You could play it off as self defense, maybe. Say that she was the one who had you with a knife at your throat, not your boyfriend- your acquaintance. That was still something you were trying to wrap your head around as well. Thinking of Baekhyun as your partner, your boyfriend... your... essentially, partner in crime, wasn't something that you enjoyed per say. 

He was handsome. Charismatic. Charming. And he was the only person that was there for you throughout this whole mess. He was the only person that understood you, truly. There wasn't anything that could tear you away from him now. Considering he was the one who witnessed the crime you committed, you were kind of bound to keep him in your life. And that wasn't necessarily a bad thing either. 

Those feelings you had, the way he looked at you. He was soft spoken, almost seemingly put under a spell when he was with you. You liked that, alot. The way he was submissive under your touch, the way he absorbed your every word that you spoke. Baekhyun was different. You didn't quite know what it was about him. Maybe it was the money, the way he lived a luxurious life yet kept it on the down low. That was certainly a shock, finding out he was the creator of the infamous Prive. 

Or maybe it really was the way he paid attention to you and your needs. Kyungsoo was attentive when he wanted to be, but Baekhyun actually made you feel like you were being heard. It almost felt like he could read your mind at some times, and even though a person would be turned off by that... you didn't. You liked how at times he can be aggressive with his attraction towards you. It almost drove you crazy. 

You blinked, lost in your thoughts. You realized you were literally right outside his house. 

Baekhyun hadn't gotten out of his car yet, so you quickly tried to compose yourself in your own vehicle. You put it in park, grabbing your keys out from the ignition. You flicked on your light, peering into the mirror and grasping your reflection. 

You looked drained. 

Your makeup didn't last that long, which was highly disappointing. You spent so much money on those products to not do what they advertised. Well, if you thought about it a little more, the advertisement didn't state that the product would last through a night of killing someone. You shake your head and slap your cheeks, leaving a rosy glow from where you hit it. Your dark circles were starting to come out again, and the faint splatter of crimson stained your skin. You tried to rub it off with your finger, but to no avail, it stayed put. You sighed to yourself, pushing your hair to the side. You turned off your light, grabbed your keys, and looked outside to see where Baekhyun was. 

You pause as you see that his car lights were turned off, and as you stared harder, you could see that his silhouette was longer sitting in the front seat. You frown at that, wondering if he had already gone inside. Maybe he was disgusted by you. Having to cover up for you, standing up to your boss. It was a lot, and you didn't take it for granted. But you also understood if he didn't want anything to do with you-

"Y/N?" 

You let out an alarming squeal, your hands sputtering to grab your wheel as you look to the left side of you, outside the glass window. 

Baekhyun stood patiently, not acknowledging your stunned response to him spooking you. He continued to smile, his finger tapping the glass. You take a deep breath before you let your hands fall from the steering wheel, laughing softly to yourself as you open the car door. 

"You scared the shit out of me." You laugh nervously as he grabs your small frame from out of the car. 

He looks at you worried, and you raise your hand up to playfully punch his arm. 

"It's okay though. I'm fine now." 

He blinks, then flashes his perfect smile at you. 

"I'm sorry. I thought you saw me get out of my car." 

You shake your head, closing the door behind you and locking it. 

"I guess I was too busy thinking. Sorry." 

You begin to walk, but he stops you in your tracks. You turn to meet his brown eyes. You pucker your lip, letting your tongue feel how dry and cracked they were. You give him a concerned look. 

"What is it?" 

He does a double take, opening his mouth once, but shuts it again. He breathes in deeply, closing his eyes before he speaks. 

"I want you to know that I will always protect you. You have nothing to worry about. If you're thinking that I don't want to see you anymore, you're thinking like a lunatic." 

You frown at the wording. 

"I... killed-" 

He abruptly places his hand over your mouth. You give him wide eyes, but he shakes his head as he gritted his teeth together and started to move your body towards his home. He brings his lips to your ear, and you feel yourself shiver at his slight touch. 

"Do not... say anything like that. You don't know who could be listening." 

Now that got you worried. 

You continue to let him push you inside his house, and you bring your weak legs to walk into the living room. You do a once over of the grand failed dinner date, the candles were no longer lit, the aura of the home felt small, considering how massive it was. You decided to sit down on the couch, crossing your legs together and bringing your arms to do the same. You waited until Baekhyun locked the door and put down some of his things. 

"Y/N, you have to be careful about what you say. You can't just confess something like that." 

Baekhyun sits across from you now, his legs spread apart, his hands formed together, fingers interlocking with one another. You bite your lip, looking away from the perfect view that was so close to you. You snuggle into the cushion, and the thought of plummeting a knife into Jihyo flashes within your eyes. 

You don't give it any reaction. 

"Baekhyun... Can I tell you something?" 

He gets up from his spot, walking over and sitting right next to you. He grasps your hands in his, and he gives you those somber puppy eyes. 

"Anything." 

You almost don't want to say it. You don't want to admit this to him. This was something so horrible, so... evil, and you had no way of gauging how he would react to it. You had no way of knowing, considering you didn't even really know him. But you felt like you had to for some reason; like if you didn't end up telling him, he would eventually pull it out of you. 

So you do. 

"I don't feel bad about killing her, Baekhyun. I- I... feel good about it. And please-" You stand up, thrashing the hand holding away from you, not wanting to look him in the eyes, "Don't just bullshit me and say it's okay. Because it's fucking not. I fucking killed someone and I... I liked it. You don't have to see me anymore, I understand. You can even tell Junmyeon that I did it, I just don't think I can live with myself knowing that I feel happy that she's gone." 

You don't want to look back, you were too afraid to see how he would react to your confession. Your skin felt dirty, you looked down at your hands, the faint red splattered on them engraving into it like a tattoo; a reminder. You were a monster, a fucking abomination- 

"I don't care." 

His voice echoed in his large living room, the words bouncing off the walls, straight into your body. You almost didn't believe it, maybe you didn't want to. You wanted to accept it, so badly. You bring your attention back to him, your mouth agape, tears falling from your eyes. 

"What?!" 

The single word came out like a scream, only hushed down by the violent sob erupting from your throat. Baekhyun stood, walking towards you slowly, bringing his hand up to wipe away your tears. He looks at your hand, rubbing it within his gentle hold on you, not looking up. His dark circles appeared a shade darker than before, and his lip trembled as it seemed like he was fighting off a smile. You wanted to question it, but before you can utter another word, he took the lead. 

"I- I don't care about what you did, Y/N. It's just like I told you before, I will always protect you. From others, even yourself. I... I'll love you with your flaws, with your mistakes. I just need you to accept these feelings you're having and trust me with them as well. I've already forgiven you for what you did. You... you saved me. You did what you had to do; it was solely based on instinct anyways. Just... you don't know how much that means to me." 

You don't say anything for a moment, you could feel your eye bags becoming puffy, your own lips shaking with fear; with uneasiness. You didn't miss how he said he loved you, and for reasons unknown, you felt okay with it. Baekhyun, a stranger to you, someone who was doing everything for you, helping you throughout every single tragedy in your life so far; he was able to say that he loved you. 

So you did what your mind was telling you to do. 

You kissed him. 

You kissed him like he was the last person on this god forsaken planet, because in this sweet, endearing moment, it felt like he was. You bring your tainted hand to grab a handful of his hair, moving his head to get closer to yours. He doesn't miss a beat, bringing both of his hands to circle around your waist, his lower body pressing against your own. 

In just a few mere seconds, you could feel the sweat starting to collect on your skin. The small beads of clear perspiration tinting your skin, making it look like it was sparkling. Baekhyun suddenly started to push you back, your feet stepping backwards before it grazed the bottom of his couch. He pulls back, his eyes dazed as he gives you a seductive grin. You could feel yourself becoming wet, and fast. You want to go back to kissing him; to make yourself forget about everything. But as you try to lean into his lips again, he shakes his head, looming over you as your body crashes into the couch cushions. A faint memory of you drunk appears in your mind, the same actions of Baekhyun trapping you with his arms on either side of you. 

His hand traces your cheek, then your ear... then your throat. 

You were never really into things like this; choking that is. But you were willing to let Baekhyun do anything he wanted with you right now. You were under his spell, but you didn't want to break from this trance. You deserved it, you needed him. 

"Y/N..." 

"B-Baekhyun?" 

He tightens his fist around your neck, and you faintly let out a gurgling noise. He watches this, his mouth hanging open, his eyes continuing to eye your neck, almost like an animal catching his prey. You softly bring your hand to your unclothed nether region. You almost had forgotten that you took off your underwear, but your wet slick was starting to travel down your inner thigh; reminding you of your fatal mistake. 

He takes notice of that, and begins to squeeze your throat tighter, and you could feel his nails beginning to make a home in your skin. He brings his other hand to stop your movement, instead, replacing it with his own. 

You gasp, but it came out as a struggled groan. His wandering eyes left your throat to your legs, and you don't bother fighting him off. He lets his hand travel beneath your dress, his fingers pitching your skin as he moves up to your neediness. He chuckles, and you feel your face heat up with embarrassment. 

"You're so fucking wet for me. Do I turn you on that much? Just by gripping your fucking throat?" 

His voice is deeper, nothing like the soft and endearing tone he had earlier. This made you all the more turned on, and you can't say anything except for giving him a simple nod. 

He smiles at you, letting his index finger swipe some of your slick. He raises his hand from where he had it, letting his tongue lick off the sticky sweetness. You close your eyes, the sheer nerves taking control of you now; you've never been so horny in your life. But he doesn't accept that, moving his hand from your throat to your chin, shaking it lightly. You open them, regretful of what would come from your disobedience. He takes his finger from his mouth and raises it towards you, and you sit there confused. 

Your voice comes out scratchy, not used to the air flooding your throat again. 

"What... what do you want me to do?" 

It came out submissive, a completely new thing to you. You were never a submissive type, but under Baekhyun's stare, the seeping dominance radiating off of him, you were anything he wanted you to be. 

"Suck on it." 

You pause, trying to push away the urge to say, No way. He sees your hesitation, and replaces his smile with a frown. 

"C'mon. I'm telling you to suck it. Do it. You'll get rewarded." 

The word rang in your mind, and in a blink of an eye, your body betrays you. You feel your lips wrapping around his finger, the bitterness of your own cum filling your taste buds. You almost want to stop, but he pushes his finger deeper in your mouth. Your eyes look towards his pants, watching his growing cock wanting to be released. The fact that he hasn't once touched himself made you moan against him. You wanted more. 

"Such a good girl for me. Are you a good girl?" 

His words were like venom, sinking into your veins. You try to speak, but he shoves another finger into your mouth, stretching out your lips to his satisfaction. You watch with watering eyes as he uses his free hand to shove his pants off, hurriedly taking his boxers off as well. His huge cock springs out from the restraining fabric, and his hand starts to slowly stroke himself. 

He looks at you a little crazily now, his eyes widened, his jaw hanging open. 

"Y/N, are you a good girl? I don't want to be repeating myself all night." 

You struggle, but you manage to get out the words, 

"Yes- yes I am. I'm a good girl for you." 

Baekhyun dips down, removing his fingers from your mouth, making you gasp for air. His head slips next to yours, his lips pressing along your neck, licking down every inch of it. You feel his hot breath ghosting over you, leaving goosebumps. He whispers ragged, a high pitched strain on his vocal chords. 

"What do you want me to do?" 

You blink, confused, but just as quick as he asked the question, he's back to kissing your neck. This time, sucking harshly, biting and bringing his tongue to go over the harsh bite. 

You open your mouth in an "O" shape, your eyes fluttering closed. 

"I... I don't know, Baekhyun." 

He blows air over his mark he gave you, and you feel his hand slithering up your leg once again, so close to where you wanted him most, but stopping short. 

"Should I just do what I want then?" Baekhyun slowly pulls his head back from the crook of your neck, his expression one of mischievousness. 

You nod shyly. 

He nods back at you, releasing his hand off his cock. He carefully takes off his shirt, revealing his toned stomach, his muscular arms. You bite your lip as you watch the veins on his forearms protrude. He raises a single finger towards you, beckoning you to sit up. You submit to his request, letting both of your hands fidget with the hem of your dress as you look up at him. 

"Take off your clothes. Now." 

His tone wasn't one that you wanted to challenge. So you peel off the single piece of clothing you had on, your bra being the only thing that adorned your body. He whimpers at this, and you feel a warm feeling flooding your body. Your lower abdomen doing kickflips at his soft whine. 

"Let me see all of you, princess." Baekhyun looks back behind him before he plops himself on the other side of the couch, his arms resting on the top of the cushions, his legs spread open. This almost felt like a crazy sex dream, with just how absurd and lewd this whole situation was. But you weren't complaining; no you were far from that. The only thing that bothered you about this was that he wasn't fucking you. 

So you watched as he looked you up and down as you stood up, the dim light in the living room setting the steamy moment between the both of you. You unclasped the hooks from your bra, letting it hit the floor gently. You make your way over to him, and he does nothing but quirk his eyebrow up, his tongue going over his bottom lip. His right hand was clutching the cushion so tightly you were sure he could rip it open if he really wanted to. 

"Get on your knees for me." His voice was nothing short of a whisper. 

You let your knees hit the floor, your hands making their way to his legs. He lets his hand drag down his inner thigh, placing it lightly on top of yours. He gives you a curt nod, giving you permission to do what you wanted so badly to do. But a sudden thought enters your head, and you find yourself halting your actions. 

"May I... Can I suck your cock, sir?" 

His voice hitches, he then adjusts himself on the couch; you enjoy seeing him squirm. 

"Say that again." 

Baekhyun tightens his hand around yours, and your heart skips a beat when you let your eyes travel to his huge member. You see it twitch, becoming red with anticipation. You get a little cocky, you won't lie to yourself. You begin to think that although he's performing like a dominant guy, he was secretly into you taking control. So you smile this time, suddenly taking hold of him in your hand, watching as he takes his free hand to settle in his mouth, his teeth biting into his flesh. 

"Sir, can I suck your cock?" 

He throws his head back, and emits a small sob. 

"Y-Yes. Do it." 

That was all you needed. 

You let your hand slowly drag up and down his shaft, the warmth from it was arousing to you. How badly did he want you right now? Just as much as you did, you hoped. You let your finger ghost over the tip, savoring the small grunts he let out. You scootch your body forwards, letting your lips kiss from the base of it, all the way to the top. He brings his head down, his eyes dusted with pure lust, his head lurching forward every couple of seconds. 

You wrap your lips around him, and the delicious moan from his lips fill the room. You never wanted him to stop making those sounds; those fucking lewd noises. You would have never thought that he would have such a needy, begging side to him. You wanted to push it, wanted to see him under your complete control. So you stop, a string of salvia moving with you as you take your mouth off of him. He gives you a dangerous stare, he opens his mouth, but you get up, straddling him on the couch. 

You let your finger trace his chin, then in one fluid motion, you let your own hand circle around his neck. You were scared, sure, but as soon as Baekhyun's features softened, you knew that you were right this entire time. He wanted to be dominated. You giggle to yourself, letting your ass rub against him, your mouth loosely open, watching as Baekhyun's face changes from confusion to a softened expression. 

"Baekhyun... Tell me something." You let the words seductively roll off your tongue. 

He's sweating now, not letting his brown eyes leave your own. 

"I'm speaking to you, Baekhyun." 

You take your hand away from his throat, and before he could even react, you slap him across his face. He's stunned for a moment, his hand squeezing your thigh. He waits before he looks back at you, but when he does, he grits his teeth and looks at you pleadingly. 

"Yes, Y/N?"

His demeanor now submissive, you don't say anything, just look at him with a newfound feeling. 

You were in charge now. 

"I want you to eat me out." 

"Princess, why don't you go back to where you were-" 

Another slap this time, you don't let his words get to you. And just like that, Baekhyun knew who the fuck you were. What you wanted. 

"O- of course." 

He grabs you with both of his hands, lifting you off of him and slamming your body onto the couch so you're lying down. You shake your head, blowing a strand of hair from off your face. You get on your elbows, situating yourself so you mirrored the same position he was in when you were sucking his cock. He doesn't question you this time, and you smile to yourself as Baekhyun gets on his knees for you now; a perfect image of him flooding your senses. 

"Can I- may I touch myself when I'm eating you out?" 

It came out as a struggle, you could tell that he wasn't used to this. But you curtly nod. 

"Thank you for asking. You're such a... good boy, Baekhyun." 

He pauses at that, a happy look on his features. You realize maybe he has a praise kink. 

You note that. 

"- Yes you can." 

So you watch he starts to stroke himself, eyeing the pre cum erupting from the tip of his pretty pink cock, not missing how he lets his fingers use it as lubrication. He inches to your pussy, now a sopping mess, licking his lips, his eyes daring to look up at you. He lets his left hand grab your leg, and then he's kissing it, sucking softly on your trembling skin. He drags his tongue all the way up, stopping as he reaches your neediness. 

You wrap your fingers in his hair, twisting it and pulling it slightly. You feel that growing excitement in your abdomen again, and this time you were going to finally resolve it. He dips his face in between your legs fully now, his lips pressed against your clit, his tongue slowly leaving circles around it. You let out a small groan, tugging harshly on his blonde hair. 

"More, Baekhyun. Fuck." 

You hear his hand moving faster on his cock, the disgustingly lewdness turning you on. 

He sucks harder on you, his hand pitching your inner thigh, then his entire hand grappling on it. His tongue moving faster, then changing pace to something slower, silencing any thought you had in your head. You begin to grind on his face, a hungry groan emitting from his throat, vibrating against your pussy. You gasp, your eyes looking towards the ceiling, you're in a state of pure bliss. 

Baekhyun sucks on your clit roughly, using his teeth to gently bite down on it. He pulls it back slightly, then goes back to continue what he was doing before. His hand disappears from your leg, now rushing towards your clit, rubbing it in circles as he laps up the cum spilling from your entrance. Your body shakes almost violently, your legs tightening around his head. As you come down from your orgasm, you release your grip on his pretty locks, resting it on the side of you. He doesn't stop jacking himself off, not letting you catch a break, still riding the high of you cumming in his mouth. 

When you feel yourself becoming too sensitive, you raise your voice, 

"Baekhyun, stop." 

At first he doesn't reply, just keeps on eating you out at a dangerous pace. You have to say it again, 

"Baekhyun." 

He pulls his head out from between your shaking legs, the white, sticky substance dripping off his chin, a crazy, delirious look staining his pretty face. He freezes, stopping his hand from stroking himself, placing his hands on his knees. You look down at him happily, loving how he listens to you so well, so easily. 

"You taste so fucking good, you know that?" He croaks out, giving you a beaming smile. 

"Yeah? Well," You stick your index finger out, wagging it at him to come to you, and he quickly climbs on the couch, looming over you, "Do you know what happens to good boys who listen?" 

Baekhyun's bottom lip juts out, a sweet shade of pink. 

"W- what?" 

You smirk, grabbing his shoulder and pushing it downwards, his face only inches away from yours. 

"They get a reward." 

His adam's apple bobs up and down, his eyes looking towards your breasts, and before you could utter another word, you feel his lips kissing your collarbones. And really, he knew how to use those lips, that devilish tongue. You roll your eyes to the back of your head as he begins to wrap them around your nipple, his other hand pinching your other bud. He sucked harshly, biting on it, his tongue circling the areola. He doesn't miss a beat as he pops his swollen lips off, going to the one he was pinching. 

"Fuck, Baekhyun." 

You feel him smiling against your skin as he duplicates the same action, a couple seconds later he kisses your neck, then pulls back to look at you. You, who was so wrapped into what was happening, doesn't even hear what he says. 

"Y/N? Can I fuck you, please? Fuck, please." 

You shake your head, breaking from the trance of pleasure, blinking furiously to snap from the dizziness. 

"Oh, um- ye- yes-" 

You can't even muster up another word before you feel him unsheath his massive cock into you. You let out a string of high pitched moans, hearing them mix with the wet slaps of his thrusts against your body. 

"F-fuck, I can't- I-" Baekhyun reaches an octave higher than even your own, and you open your eyes and place them on him, the veins on his arms buldging out, his abs more defined as he strokes his pulsating cock in your wet pussy. 

You wrap your arms around his neck, his head diving into your neck, small, needing grunts echoing in your ear drums. 

He slows his pace for a moment, and you let out a disappointing whine. He doesn't stop as he looks at you again, a bead of sweat dropping on your cheek. You bite your lip, his dick was so, so, fucking good. 

"Y/N," His eyebrows upturned, "Can you sit on my cock?" 

You breathily whisper, 

"S-Say please." 

"Please. Please, Y/N." 

That was all it took for you, and the position changed from missionary to cowgirl. You sink yourself on top of him, the both of you moaning, his hands searching for something to grab. You grab them, placing them on your ass. You bring yourself up, then down, sighing from how full you felt. 

He grips your ass tighter, his nails billowing deep into your skin. Baekhyun lets out small hiccups of moans as you quicken your pace, you reach to your breast, pinching your nipple as you whip your hair away from your face. 

"Baekhyun... I'm so close." You whimper, feeling another orgasm coming on. 

"Yeah? Fuck, you feel so good wrapped around my cock." 

There's nothing but the sound of skin pounding against each other, breathy groans and whimpers from the both of you. Just as you're about to cum, he changes your pace, his hands moving your body up and down slower. He speaks slowly, gulping before he does. 

"Can you... can you choke me? A-and call me a good boy again?" You wouldn't have noticed the change of color in his face, but you reveled in how cheeks turned a shade darker of red. 

You don't say anything as you smirk, the both of you gasping in unison as you wrap each finger around his throat, squeezing it enough for him to finally give you a satisfied yet shy smile. 

You quicken your pace again, the building sensation now something the both of you were feeling. You feel your walls clench around him, his cock growing in size inside of you. Baekhyun gasps for air, but you simply dig your fingers deeper around his neck. And finally... you- you-

"Fuck. You're such a good boy Baekhyun. You're a good boy-" 

You release your hand on him, the both of you cumming together. You moan as you continue to ride him, and Baekhyun shakes underneath you, his hands dropping from your body to the couch, limp. He whimpers, releasing his seed inside of you, his face still that shade of red you loved on him, his eyes looking at you adoringly. 

You let your body relax, pulling off of his cock, laying down on his chest. You trace your finger on his arm, still heaving from the amount of exercise you just did. Your legs feel numb, your pussy is sore, but that doesn't matter. In fact, you wished you could have sex with him again; anything to feel that sense of control that you had been wishing of having ever since Kyungsoo's death. 

Baekhyun let's out a choke of a laugh, and you raise your head to look up at him. 

"What?" You ask confused. 

He shakes his head, closing his eyes and bringing his hand to push back his hair. 

"That was... that was amazing. I- I never had sex that fucking... unreal before." 

It's your turn to laugh now. You nod to yourself, 

"I agree." 

You guys don't say anything for a while, just trying to catch your breath. Once you felt like you had enough oxygen in your system, you snuggled into his arm, hesitant to ask him what was on your mind. To your surprise, just like he was reading your mind, he breaks the silence. 

"What is it?" He questions you, but he seems nervous. 

You don't say anything at first. Biting your lip, you anxiously ask him, 

"Do you have a praise kink?" 

Baekhyun sighs as he sits up, dragging you with him as you both lean on the arm of the couch. He looks elsewhere as he responds, 

"I... I didn't know that I had one. I guess you kind of made me realize it. I really- no, I fucking love you taking control. I think all my life I've been the one who handled things, the one who had to look out for myself and my own needs. I didn't realize that maybe I needed someone to put me in my place, to change that repeated cycle that I was driving myself crazy with." 

Your cheeks warm up, a knowing blush you didn't need a mirror to see, on full display from his words. He chuckles at that, kissing your cheek lightly. He clears his throat, his eyes not tearing away from your face as he takes some hair stuck to your forehead, pushing it back. 

"I should be the one blushing, Y/N. Being called a good boy; shit. How embarrassing." 

You shake your head, giggling. 

"I think it's cute. Hot, even." 

He raises his eyebrow, sticking his tongue out and jabbing a finger into your arm. 

"Oh shut up. You're lying." 

You shake your head again, looking down shyly. 

"I think it's cute, really. Maybe I can be the person to whip you into shape." 

His head bobs back and forth, his chin upwards as he smiles brightly at you. 

"Maybe. But after listening to your rules all night... Can I ask you if you can obey one of mine?" 

You sit up properly now, criss crossing your legs and crossing your arms against your chest to cover up your breasts, shy from them being out like that. Post sex was weird. 

"Sure, I think you deserve it." You tease him, but he doesn't exactly match your humorous tone. 

Instead he gives you that blank stare, his eyes looking as if they were black, his jaw tightened as he slips his hand on the small of your back. 

"Can you say that you love me?" 

You do a double take, not sure if he was fucking around or not. When you realize he was being serious- you roll your eyes, trying to make light of his request. 

"C'mon Baekhyun," You punch his arm softly, but you watch as he cocks his head to the side, licking his lips, his eyes twitching, "Y-you're joking right?" 

"Why would I be joking?" He says in a deadpan manner. 

You were already naked, but somehow the way he said that made you feel naked from the inside as well. You knew that you glazed over the comment he made earlier about loving you, but the only reason you did was because you wanted to fuck him. It was clouded, a poor misjudgement on your part. Did you maybe delude him by not acknowledging it prior and having sex with him? Made it seem like it was okay to just throw things like 'love' out there so loosely? So easily? 

"I- I don't know. Baekhyun, we just met. You can't possibly be..." 

"In love with you? Why would that be so far fetched? Y/N," He sighs as he takes his hands to place on your shoulders, bringing you closer to his own naked body, "Who was there for you when your ex died?" 

You feel your chest hurting, alarms ringing in your brain. You numbly whisper, 

"You." 

He clicks his tongue and nods. 

"Who took care of you and made sure you didn't kill yourself?" 

Again, you repeat quieter, 

"You." 

He gives you a smug side smile, 

"Who covered for you when you murdered Jihyo?" 

"You." A single tear falls from your eye, Baekhyun feigning an exaggerated gasp, pouting his lips as he wipes the liquid from your cheek. 

"Right. Y/N, I'm not saying that you have to feel like you love me right now. I can't expect you to love me like that. All I'm asking is who was truly, there for you, cared so fucking deeply about your wellbeing, fuck, related to your pain? Y/N, can't you see? It's me. I will always, and I mean, always, be here for you. I just want your time, your presence. I feel like we compliment each other well; we can lean on each other and have each other's backs. Can you give me a chance?" 

And maybe. 

Maybe he was right after all. 

But maybe you were an idiot. 

"I- Baekhyun," You choke back a sob, "What if you hurt me?" 

You let yourself drown in your feelings, the alarming remorse that you felt when Kyungsoo left you; cheated and died, leaving you alone. The horrible, demeaning thoughts you had of killing yourself, those feelings you never wanted to relive again. And then, you settled on the bright light burning through those dark memories. Baekhyun stepping into your thoughts, your home, your fucking body. How good it felt that someone wanted you, the sweet and believable feeling that a person could love you regardless of your flaws; the mistake you made. No other person would be like that. 

"I would never- ever, hurt you." 

You blink through blurry vision, raising your head to look straight at Baekhyun. 

"I love you, Baekhyun." 

You could be an idiot, you thought. 

Just this once. 

ch 1, ch 2, ch 3, ch 4,

#baekhyun fic #baekhyun fanfic #baekhyun #byun baekhyun #baekhyun ff #suho #junmyeon #park chanyeol #luviebaekfics #exo fanfic #exo #exo x reader #baekhyun x y/n #baekhyun x you #yandere ff #yandere #yandere kpop #yandere baekhyun #baekhyun x oc #baekhyun x reader #oh sehun #baekhyun angst #baekhyun smut #smut fanfiction #exo smut #YAYAYAY im done with this chapter lmao

[ruby-red-inky-blue]

A rundown of my TWTaS writing playlist because I cannot be stopped

this will no doubt be the longest post I've ever made about this fic so strap in:

general atmosphere/plot songs:

El Tango De Los Assassinos (yes, from Mr&Mrs Smith)

This was my mood setting for Jyn and Cassian in the early chapters, especially the rooftop scene in chapter 9.

Runaway by The National

This is a sad and gentle backdrop that I pictured being played in Baze's diner in the first half of the fic a lot.

The Boys of Summer (live) by The Hooters

This is here largely because I have been trash for this song since I was thirteen and it has a lot of Yearning in it. Let's say it could also be playing in the diner, that would make sense to me.

Starlight by Muse

this was maybe the first song I ever saw on a rebelcaptain edit (it was this one by @proinsiascassidy) and it has sparked my ongoing obsession with them and starlight - the word, the concept, stargazing, everything. Therefore, it had to be on here, even though I feel like it's an outlier musically.

St Jude by Florence + The Machine

This has EXACTLY the peaceful, suspenseful, sorrowful, hopeful vibes this ship needs especially in this setting, and it is addressed to "St Jude, the patron saint of the lost causes" so. yeah.

Never Let Me Go by Florence + The Machine

This is a big Depression song, and this fic is Depressed, so it works for both of them equally. The water/ocean theme and the chorus of "never let me go" feels much more Jyn than Cassian to me, but the Overt Christian Overtones make a lot of sense for Cassian and "the crushes of heaven for a sinner like me" is. come on.

Lithium Sunset by Sting

Listen this song is literally about antidepressants what do you want me to tell you.

Between Two Lungs

This is as triumphant and cheesy as the playlist gets, folks. They're in love! And they want to live, goddamnit!

Sunday Bloody Sunday by U2

Somehow several songs about the Irish Troubles ended up in this fic that is 100 percent not about that (although I picture Lyra's father as someone who was Involved in the Troubles, but this doesn't factor into the story enough to explain it and I think I came up with it because of the playlist).

.

Character and relationship themes:

Shallow by Lady Gaga & Bradley Cooper

Look I wish I could roll my eyes at this song but unfortunately the lyrics are perfect for this fic in every way and I gotta respect that. The singers should be reversed for this fic but. Yeah sorry the lyrics are really good.

Bridge Over Troubled Water by Johnny Cash

To counteract the unhealthy vibes of most of the other songs on here, here's a sweet, peaceful song about selfless devotion and helping and comforting each other, because that is also a part of how I see this ship. It's also another song I definitely think was playing at the diner. Actually I think I actively hinted at it once. (Edit: I sure did! Chapter 26)

The Only Hope For Me Is You by My Chemical Romance

Listen. Desert vibes. Starts with echoes of "remember me". It's comparatively aggressive and very heavy on the war metaphors (that may not be metaphors). It's kind of perfect.

Summertime by My Chemical Romance

from the same album, same vibes. Very apocalyptic but in a hopeful way? They're throwing bricks and promising to run away together. This is a no-brainer.

Song for Someone by U2

This may be THE rebelcaptain song. It's devastating and so full of baggage but it's so tender and so hopeful and I will champion this song as their anthem until I die.

Work Song by Hozier

Is this a song about deep, deeply unhealthy, heartfelt devotion? Does it contain the Classically Rebelcaptain lines "When my time comes around, lay me gently in the cold dark earth/ no grave can hold my body down, I'll crawl home to her"? I rest my case.

I'm Not the One by 3OH!3

This works so so well for both Jyn and Cassian, it's like a conversation between their younger selves, and also I really drew on this for all those moments where they see themselves and their screwed-up childhoods in each other.

Man in Black by Johnny Cash

This is Draven. Straight up in my head Draven is always wearing black and this song is why.

Firefly Theme by Sonny Rhodes

This is clearly Bodhi, and it's perfect.

Brothers In Arms by Dire Straights

This plays in Bodhi's backstory for me. Because it's a War Trauma song I guess, but also because it has this heavy, heavy sense of loss of friends, of innocence, of self. It's so heartbreaking, and it's so gentle and quiet and deceptively peaceful.

Solsbury Hill (live) by Peter Gabriel

Culturally this makes NO sense but this is my go-to-Chirrut song. It's spiritual and uplifting and it is just so deeply comforting to me.

Fields of Gold by Sting

So this makes even less sense both culturally and lyrics-wise, but it feels like Baze to me. I cannot explain this.

River Lea by Adele

I could quote this entire thing this is TWTaS Jyn in a nutshell

Raised By Wolves by U2

This is a very Jyn song to me. It is bleak but it's defiant and I think it makes a lot of sense as her starting point.

21 Guns by Green Day

God I love this song. It's perfect for them in every way my god. This fandom should be full of Green Day songs. This song works so well for Cassian especially early on in the fic, and I think it really gets the vibe so right.

Golden by Fall Out Boy

This is so so Cassian and his horrible self-esteem and his self-imposed isolation for the sake of others.

You Found Me by The Fray

Since this is, once again, Overtly Complicatedly Religious, it feels very Cassian. This song is so so bitter and I feel like that makes a lot of sense for Cassian re: faith and life and everything.

The Unforgiven by Metallica

This is the Very Bleak Backdrop for young Cassian's disillusionment arc/downward spiral, so like mid-teens to his undercover op. It also works for Draven, which is neat and very sad.

All Eyes On Me by Bo Burnham (yes)

This song is so bleak and so trance-like in the absolute worst most viscerally depression-like way. This is a song for someone who is SO close to just giving up, with the faintest of cries for help left ("hands down, pray for me"). This is for Cassian at nineteen or twenty, alone and spiralling and vaguely dissociating. It's bad and this song is so good and so upsetting to me.

Zombie by The Cranberries

More Troubles music. A very good song, deeply heartbreaking.

Wake Me Up When September Ends by Green Day

This song straight up is why everything bad that ever happened to Cassian happened in September. There is no way to convince me this song is not perfect for this character in every way.

Any Other World by MIKA

Welcome to more bitterness and self-effacing nonsense, because again, I can't be stopped.

Der Weg by Herbert Grönemeyer

The last third of this song makes SOB. It's a song all about the horrible grief that comes with losing someone way too soon, and about learning to live with it. It's so fucking sad on its own merit, and it does work scarily well for Cassian and the memories of his family. Hell, you can split those lines up for each of them perfectly, and it ends with one of the saddest loveliest lines in the world, this song is A Lot: "Habe dich sicher in meiner Seele/ Ich trag' dich bei mir bis der Vorhang fällt" (I keep you safely within my soul/ I'll carry you with me until the courtain falls)

What A Catch, Donnie by Fall Out Boy

This is for Cassian ("I got troubled thoughts and the self esteem to match", "they say the captain goes down with the ship/so when the world ends, will god go down with it?" and all that), but mostly for Cassian and his father, for these lines: "I will never end up like him/ behind my back I already am"

Leningrad by Billy Joel

This makes absolutely zero sense for this fic and emphatically should not be on here but the first stanza is giving me inexplicable Cassian-and-his-dad vibes.

24 Frames by Jason Isbell

Due to the lyrics, this is obv very much Cassian and his mother and brother, but really his whole family. Also a whole lot of bitterness against God, see above. (It's also a holdover from the glorious Cassian playlist that Disney has since retconned so there's that)

It's Time by Imagine Dragons

I don't know how I landed on this but it actually works So Well for baby Cassian who is already disillusioned but also still very very naive about how much change and revenge he can affect. And it illustrates the rift between him and Gael so nicely. It catches the whole unhealthy song and dance of "you might change and you should get out of here but I never will and so I have to stay and let this place kill me". I feel insane for reading this sentiment into this song but I truly think it's there?

Stay by Hurts

This song is super fucking cheesy and very on the nose but it's here for a single line that fucking breaks me re: Cassian and Gael every time: "And I wonder if you know/ how it feels to let you go"

Hurt by Johnny Cash

I'm making this whole list partially so I get to scream about how much real estate this undefined relationship has taken up in my head, and yes, that includes Hurt playing on a loop whenever I think about them. This is fully Cassian anywhere between becoming a cop and meeting Jyn (and starting therapy lol) to Gael, I mean, it has it all. It's A Lot, but it's so on brand.

How to Save a Life by The Fray

Yes, it's The Song From Every TV Drama! Once again, is it overplayed and cheesy by proxy? Kinda! Is it perfect for this fic? Yes! This is Gael for most of his adult life re: Cassian, probably. Like, the man did what he could and he got out when he had to but knowing the person that once meant most to you in the world is killing themselves by a thousand cuts somewhere and does not want you to save them is just about the worst feeling I can imagine and this song is as close as I got to that.

Objects In The Rearview Mirror May Appear Closer Than They Are by Meat Loaf

Again, very very specific and pretty on the nose, but the first stanzas of this song are so very accurate to what I had in my head that I feel I couldn't write Gael grieving for Cassian much better. With the flashback to little boys getting into hijinks and running around and such hope for the future and then "I can still recall the sting of all, the tears when he was gone/ they said he crashed and burned/ I know I'll never learn/ why any boy should die so young"?? and also "There are times I think I see him peeling out of the dark/ I think he's right behind me now and he's gaining ground" GOD.

Whatsername by Green Day

I needed to know what Gael's headspace was so I could write him in not-a-flashback-time and it's. It's Whatsername. It's all stages of grief and it's a bit of a breakup song and also the first lines feel so real to me, anything that mentions thinking you saw someone you know but then it wasn't them is giving me OC feels now, as seen above. And Whatsername has the absolute perfect balance between "this killed me but I've put it behind me" and "this person will haunt me until the day I die". I love this song.

.

Not on the playlist but there in spirit:

Slipping Through My Fingers by ABBA

Because this OC lives rent-free in my head, I have a song for him and his oldest daughter that makes me cry. I'm assuming this is normal.

Not in Nottingham by Mumford & Sons

This would 100 000 % be on here if it were on Spotify. To my continued horror, it isn't. It would round out this collection of sad, hopeless songs nicely and it is also near and dear to my heart due to being from maybe The most formative movie of my childhood.

The Scientist by Coldplay

This is the be-all-end-all Galen and Jyn song and I will never budge from this. It doesn't really factor into this fic but again, it's here in spirit.

#i don't know who i'm making this post for but maybe it will interest someone? #the world through a scope #music

[exoticalmonde]

I. Arknights OSTs Top 20 of Eve's Favourite Songs for December 2023

So me and momma Eve listened to some Arknigths OSTs together while I was stiching in the living room today and because it was an auto run on YT I ended up listening to some songs I have not heard before.

Which ultimately tilted the scales of which songs I do and do not like really really much right about now. My phone's been blasting the same 11 songs as well for a while, so I need to actually look into a playlist that's catered to me and me alone.

Since there's a limit of 10 about video links I'm gonna start simple and get into the frisky and unexpected.

We start with the obvious, 1. Ständchen - Ebenholz Theme Has been since coming out and will probably always be my favourite one. I love everything about it from the music to the lyrics and I have probably sang it 10 000 times to myself like a ghost in my apartment with its wallowing death song on its lips for all eternity. Thank you Ambience Synthesia for also playing it, I crode.

2. Settle Into Ash - Hoederer OST HOEDERER MY BEAUTIFUL DARLING HUSBAND MY LOVE THE APPLE OF MY EYE THE MARROW OF MY BONE THE BLOOD IN MY HEART MY MOST GORGEOUS, TENDER, JADED AND TORMENTED DARLING THE CHARMER THAT HAS STOLEN MY BREATH AND MY SOUL THANK YOU FOR EXISTING YOUR THEME IS THE GREATEST EVER I CRY EVERY TIME I HEAR IT BEGIN

3. Silver Lining - Silverash OST Well... Found it today on accident although it turned out it was on my old favourites list I had absolutely forgotten about it and am now going to spam play it as I think about all the ways I can make this fanfic between Dr. Eve and SilverAsh work in ways that will not cause me nervous impairment.

4. Stainless Heart - Stainless OST Also heard it today for the first time. Absolute banger.

Dr. Kryo agrees with me on that one, of course.

5. Прощание - Hellagur's OST It's one of the songs up there with Lullabye that are in Russian and I have been singing them to myself coming form and going to Uni because I really like them and my neighbours are Russian speakers so I wonder how much they think I am being weird. And how much they think I could understand them... which I can, but a very tiny bit.

6. Bluish Light - Lumen OST Got reminded of this yesterday when Leaff asked about Lumen, having found his art somehow somewhere. He's baby, my trusted medic, baby boy muah muah

7. Ensheath - Mlynar OST In honour of Dr. Lundi I played it a lot to myself and after crying twice over how raw it is I decided to add it to the list. I love it a lot.

8. Stained - Executor the Ex Foedere (Exalter) OST Don't listen to it too often now, but I did over the summer. Another honourable Dr. Lundi mention. I'm gonna be buried under the church in the upcoming week, why not remind myself the complete wreck this theme makes of me.

9. Lessing - Lessing OST I can't wait to have you in my hands.

10. Blade Catcher - Degenbrecher OST All of China and the US know I am horny for this woman simply because of that one image where she's got her hands all bloody on the train. My sense of self-preservation has been stun-locked.

#arknights #doctor of ri shenanigans #arknights music #arknights themes #arknights character themes #music #OST #doctor ratings #Dr. Eve has opinions again #doctor arknights #youtube #rating music #part 1 #Youtube

[bedlund]

wanted to do a masterpost for my dta playlists for ages and we got a lot of people (re)reading it rn anyways so here we go:

merciless fucking god seperis - my main dta playlist i update regularly But it used to be my endverse cas playlist so the themes are: grief depression loss death love death death drugs. very good music though. first half of map of the world -core

make a better world from the old one - 70's chitaqua. i can't stress this enough. chitaqua in the 70's. very hopeful positive vibes as opposed to the first one. perfect lyrics perfect songs this is the only playlist out of these i highly recommend listening to in order instead of shuffling. To Me it tells the entire story through song if you look at the titles too hard you might even get spoilered. sorry

goddamn freak - that post that's like 'none of you understand what character playlists are supposed to be anymore they should be songs that remind you of the character not what the character would listen to' is right EXCEPT this is a playlist dta cas would canonically listen to. opens with closer by nin closes with tear you apart by she wants revenge this is very important

the forever king - expanding the dta playlist universe. this one is really really good. insert bloody stick figure violence images

any star in the heavens - my best friend phil :(( songs about when you're in unrequited love with an ex celestial wavelength of intent

yeah this is a joedean playlist keep scrolling - YEAH THIS IS A JOEDEAN PLAYLIST KEEP SCROLLING

ichabod new year's party - part songs that actually played in ichabod part me trying to be funny using song titles. say my name say my name

chitaqua brunch - make some coffee, chitaqua toast and blueberry pancakes then go and sit on the porch to talk shit about your camp leaders fucking on the couch while you're trying to sleep in the same room

dta playlist but it's doom metal - pretty self-explanatory. please don't say anything about some of these songs not being doom metal i needed a title

hole - hole

#sorry if i sound extremely annoying about my music taste. it's because i am #dta #playlist #spotify #myedit #me.txt

[farshootingstar]

I realized it might take a little longer to make the other Spotify playlist covers for the Picture Perfect Boyfriend playlists I've been chugging along on, so I'll just post this one here as well already.

Got a playlist for the Ashino fans out there! I tried to make it generally a mix of songs he'd enjoy and ones that inform his vibe in some way.

For each character, I specifically start the list on something they'd listen to, so he gets Wannabe by Spice Girls. The second song is more about the character, so I chose Leave the Door Open by Silk Sonic, since it's a fun retro throwback love song, but can come off braggadocious to the point of smugness.

Aside from that, I'll make a cut below for game spoilers for Picture Perfect Boyfriend REBOOT. I suppose you can consider the playlist itself also a spoiler, but I hope people at least played some of Ashino's route before deciding to listen to this thing. :p

After that is a small string of fairly innocuous love songs. I thought that would be a fun way to sort of imitate the first date. Things are going fine (aside from some perceived self-centeredness) right up until it's really not fine. Arguably, the song Plastic Love by Mariya Takeuchi is a small warning, since it's about empty and unfulfilling flings, but I set Dangerous by Big Data and Joywave as the moment the other shoe drops. (Fun Fact: Ashton gets a song from the same album as Dangerous.)

After that, the playlist mostly vascillates between sweet, bitter, and a couple of anime themes (if you know, you know). I specifically chose Rondo Revolution from Revolutionary Girl Utena (they didn't have the actual soundtrack version, so I chose a cover by Shokotan), as well as Morning Grace from Princess Tutu. Considering his tastes, I would so twist Ashino's arm into watching Princess Tutu, if he hasn't.

Aside from that, I think the most notable detail was that I added two songs regarding summer, namely because of a certain someone that canonically loves summer the best. Specifically, I chose to end on summertime by cinnamons and evening cinema for a sweet note, despite the fact that the game isn't finished, so what happens with Ashino is very open-ended at the moment. I just want to end each playlist on some sort of positive note.

I think one of my personal favorite choices for this playlist was the very bubblegum cover of Sabbath Bloody Sabbath by The Cardigans. It's a really good match for Ashino's feelings towards the Bureau as well as the existential nightmare that is his life (similar to Ghost in the Machine by SZA and Phoebe Bridgers but with absurdly sweet production) and I think it can also vaguely work for his constant attempts to gaslight Kadsey (something I really wish I could berate him for).

Guess I had more to say than I expected, but there you go! Next up for a cover image and post like this will be Ashton.

#picture perfect boyfriend #picture perfect boyfriend reboot #ppb #ppbr #ashino #spotify #spotify playlist #character playlist #playlist #ashton fell #espoirduvide #farshootingstar art #my art

[i-sveikata]

GURRRRL

I've finally had time to read the latest chapter!! I'm so excited!!!! Like I always feel nervous going through new chapter. Nervous for what is going to come and wanting for more horny VP.

I knew that the food wasn't from grandma! It's such a nice touch, how Vegas was involved with food in the series and definitely is his love language. I love how Pete finally decides to let himself have the pleasure he wants. I'm reading and thinking "aha! That's what she chose to change/leave in the story!" I'm constantly trying to figure out what events will be present from the canon and which not. Fully knowing we are mostly around 13 episode storyline of the series only bad things are waiting to happen. If I had a bingo then Bloody Vegas is being crossed now. Pete not wanting Vegas to die and tending his injuries is still waiting to come 👀 The amount of thoughts and character they received from you is why I still think The Graveyards are the best VP fic out there. Now they almost feel like original characters with how real you made them. Feels just like reading something whole, not just a fanfic.

They do match eachother and could be such a power couple. I would love to see Pete's darker side, more honest. Will his loyalty change when he learns who voted to kill him? (I have my opinions who was it 😅). I've smirked how quickly Pete went from "you hurt my friend" to being unable to resist him. Their bickering is what I love the most. And how Pete knew he wasn't choking him (cause he did it once already *cough*) and was just playing. They maybe are poor basterds but at least they get eachother unlike anyone else. My headcanon of them both being unhinged and fucked up is sitting so well with your depiction.

I kind of dislike Kinn so seeing him in a tight spot and being embarrassed by Tankhun was a fun time 😂

I'm going to patiently wait for more and simp over them for a while. I've been listening the unhinged playlist and I'm still shocked how much it's like "it's THEM".

I'm curious if you have already planned the story till the end? You said that you start a chapter by writing some scenes you wanted and then fill in the gaps. Are these scenes the spicy ones? Action? Plot twist? Or Pete's monologues? Or maybe it depends. I'm curious about the writing and thinking process 😅

Anyways. I've wrote a huge message already. So just going to say: Great job! I want more 😂 Thank you for writing and I hope the inspiration is going to stay for a long time.

Take care! ☺️🖤

Hola!! Omg I’m sorry it makes you nervous!! Lol but understandable as each chapter is A LOT. Oh so so true food is such a part of his love language- acts of service for sure! Yeah it’s interesting for Pete because the methods he was using to protect himself almost become the same things which are preventing him from being in the moment because he’s constantly overanalysing their dynamic and trying to figure out who is winning or dominating or in control at any point in time so he’s not able to fully let himself go. But we all know Vegas is desperate to help him lose control, relax and just enjoy himself

Oh lol that actually would be fun trying to figure out what’s still going to be in the fic vs what was in the show honestly I think most of the overarching themed are there but yes elements have definitely been fleshed out a lot more with a bigger focus on the characters and their emotional states. Which is kind of common for tv tbh- they never really seem to leave room for trauma and the characters addressing it. Lol yes can’t escape bloody Vegas the way he interacts with the world that is a given at any point in time. Ha yes might be wound tending for sure 😉 oh thank you that’s honestly so sweet of you to say I’m really glad you’re enjoying how in depth I went with this lol

Oh absolutely they could be SUCH a power couple if they learned to get out of their own way sometimes haha. Hahaha might keep the answers to that until the next chapter is out wouldnt want to spoil too much!! Omg lol the certainty in which Pete was like he’s not going to hurt me (and tbh he was totally right) there is a sense of trust and comfortableness that exists between them even if Pete isn’t quite aware of it/ acknowledging it yet. Oh yes they do get each other like nobody else v true! Lol they are both unhinged they’re a totally mess let’s be real

I get that! I’m not a huge fan of Kinn either so it is a little fun for the other characters to roast him for his behaviour m hahaha

Oh thank you I’m so glad you’re liking the playlist! Just fun to imagine their general vibe and it definitely makes me think about them a lot more if I’m like oh this song is so them 🥸

Oh good question! Well I am going to follow the show to it’s completion and let’s be real probably beyond that because an ending can always use more detail. Probably will be more of the same thing- Pete still trying to work himself and Vegas out and understand his feelings eventually. Yeah the process is really up in the air tbh I did start publishing way before I was ready so I caught up to my drafted bits much too quickly. I still have some future scenes already written some confrontational some spicy but yeah the rest is all floating around in my head somewhere. Truly wasn’t expecting the reception this fic has got so if I would change anything I might have waited a little bit longer/had a bit more written before I started but that’s the way the cookie crumbles sometimes!!

Thank you so much for your huge message I love to read them! You are all truly so kind and enthusiastic and it’s honestly been so great writing for this fandom ☺️☺️ ah you’re so welcome! Lots of inspiration still hanging about here that’s for sure!

Thanks angel you too!!

#fic asks #I’ll fill the graveyards until I have you

[joelswritingmistress]

Do you have like a playlist in your head when your writing? I would love to hear a playlist dedicated to Professor Joel and the reader story. P.S. - I'm bored of my playlists and need new songs! 🤪

Cool question, thanks for asking I do randomly sometimes as I write. I took a little time to think about this before replying, but here are a few songs that have come to mind while I've written - as well as a few that came to mind after you asked the question. If you click on the link it'll take you to YouTube. The first two songs I've actually thought of the entire time, I'd say they're the theme songs for me, especially if you really listen to the lyrics to Hands Clean (the 2nd song down).

Got You Where I want You - The Flys

Hands Clean - Alanis Morrisette (male cover)

Bad Romance - Jay Smith version

Because the Night - Bruce Springsteen (or the Patti Smith version)

Disturbia - Rihanna

Paparazzi- Lady Gaga cover

Somewhere Only We Know - Keane

Bloody Mary - Lady Gaga

The Night We Met - Lord Huron

#asks #Pedro pascal #joel miller #playlist #soundtrack

[evilmagician430]

🎶?

for VT/taleblr in general i think a lot of lemon demon's discography fits it well, especially the ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny. and the next dimension. both of these songs are kind of homestuck-y too now that i think about it

sibling rivalry by pup is a really good acachalla family song, as well as kids by the same artist.

similarly i think touch tone telephone and ancient aliens are good P.I.E. songs.

i actually have full playlists for some characters- some on my youtube page, and some are kind of just in my head. if i had to narrow down the songs for each character it would be like this

toast - evacuate the dancefloor by cascada, i am not a robot by marina and the diamonds, kaleidoskull by lemon demon, ravers in the UK, take it off by ke$ha, are you satisfied by marina and the diamonds, so its like half sad amv music and half music i think he would actually listen to. people forget hes not just some prim and proper brit, hes also a hard drinking party boy.

ghost- problems by mother mother, bloodeater by mom/girls rituals/cats millionaire/devi mccallion, flight of the crows by jhariah, oh oh oh sexy vampire by disko warp, jerma meatgrinder remix??(if this also includes jimmy casket songs) haunted by laura les, and uh fuck it bad blood by creature feature. and ofc secret by the pierces.

maddiefriend - crazy town by marz mitzi, doktorspiele, best friend by toy-box, prescription by msi, bill watterson by lemon demon, weird science by oingo boingo, serial contraption of malice by ghostie-p, and magical doctor by maretu.

sally - the end by lil uzi vert and babymetal, gimme chocolate by babymetal, mommy's little monsters by creature feature, dead bodies everywhere by korn, IT GIRL by aliyah's interlude, ready to die by andrew w.k., chu chu lovely muni muni mura mura, little girls by oingo boingo, barbie girl, when i grow up by the pussycat dolls, etc.

sue - woof woof by arthur, i cant handle change by roar, 1989 by msi, entomologists (original version) by ghost/ghostie-p/marz mitzi (i forget how they went by at the time of releasing that song), good news by the garden, my alcoholic friends by the dresden dolls, bloody mary-kate and ashley by pup, and ummm no specific song but i think she would listen to korn

billy - fin fin come and see him, butterfly by smile.dk, girl you need a shot of b12, september dark planet by arthur, walking by steampianist, still feel by half alive, gangnam style nightcore by psy, lego racers ost main menu and also the building mode music, boyfriend by big time rush, tbh i just get a lot of eurodance and boyband vibes from him. there are SOME songs that make me think of him in like an amv way but not many

sadly i must admit gertrude and papa i dont imagine amvs of them often. to any songs. except maybe aim for the head by creature feature, i feel like thats a gertrude song. same w spooker chris and any other characters i didnt mention. i simply do not think of them that much while im listening to music. sad!

spencer (main course - i have an entire playlist for him but i'll try to trim it down in this post) - karkat's theme from the homestuck ost, black hole by steampianist, eighth wonder by lemon demon, cabinet man by lemon demon, evil me by arthur, september by the living tombstone i think? the brony song. welcome to kitty city by cyriak, cat hacks by lemon demon, the machine by lemon demon, the blind prophet from the homestuck ost, the 'you are an idiot!' song from that one computer virus, the first watamote ending song, want you gone from portal 2, waiting for the world to end by mother mother, buried alive by creature feature, stupid stupid world by talking kitty cat, weekly shonen bye-bye by pinocchio-p, alphys from the undertale ost, ode to crayola by lemon demon, just monika from the ddlc ost, not safe from the off ost, christmas kids by roar, here we are from the undertale ost, awoken by h8 seed ft woodentoaster, hole-dwelling by kikuo, amygdala's ragdoll by ghost, faget by korn, evolution by korn, and oxidation and dream monsters by ghostie-p. boom. thats basically the meat of my spencer playlist.

i just remembered i also have a cywren caster playlist but im gonna limit myself to gmod roleplay characters cause im tired of typing and i dont think anyone cares anyways. if u do though check my youtube channel O.K. much love bye

#venturiantale #taleblr #evilmartin430.txt #asks #reminder that i have a youtube channel and its the same username as on here

[brown-little-robin]

Jason Todd Playlist

This is for Lu. Ily and I love your music ramblings so here’s some of mine. My Jason Todd playlist, in order, the main sections explained:

1) Behind the Wall to Fast Car: Jason Todd’s early childhood. Gotham police corruption (Behind the Wall), Jason’s endurance in a dissonant world (middle three songs: first one about being born to a world that will hit you and keep hitting, and the second two featuring some fairly harsh sounds, at least to my ears), and then Fast Car:

You got a fast car Is it fast enough so we can fly away? We gotta make a decision Leave tonight or live and die this way...

Fast car?? get it?? like the Batmobile? But also, starting from zero, got nothing to lose... finally see what it means to be living. Jason’s reckoning with his own awful life here. And the section about taking care of her father the alcoholic?? Jason with his mother. It’s perfect.

2) Jason becoming Robin. Charge of the Batmobile, of course. Then I’m ready. Jason is impatient!! Then Little Birdie, which just kills me (in a good way) applied to Robin. Little birdie, little birdie, why do you fly so high? It’s because I am a true birdie / and I do not fear to die. And finally she’s got her ticket / I think she’s gonna use it / think she’s gonna fly away... no one should try to stop her / persuade her with their power... Jason is set on this road and nothing can stop him. He’s going to fly.

3) Troubles with Robin. Jason argues with Batman, as do all of the Robins. Why do the babies starve? There’s enough food to feed the world! Well, in this one he’s arguing with Bruce Wayne, I guess. He’s passionate about wealth distribution. Then Batman Is Mad At Me Again (remix) my beloved, no notes. Shout by Tears For Fears! Jason speaks up when he wants to. Irrepressible. But also? this song is about speaking out when things Aren’t Right. you shouldn’t have to jump for joy. Then the Bond theme because Jason is a nerd. Then the Finale from Trio for horn, violin and piano, foreshadowing. Then Jason finally asking for love, doing what he does best: making a demand.

You can wait 'til morning comes You can wait for the new day You can wait and lose this heart You can wait and soon be sorry

Now love's the only thing that's free We must take it where it's found Pretty soon it may be costly

Love costs him his life in the next section.

4) A Death In the Family, the actual soundtrack to Jason’s death. Then the resurrection, the soundtrack to Wolverine getting his metal bones. Agonizing. But it’s fun music nonetheless.

5) The white-hot heat of Lazarus rage. Screaming, near-nonsensical songs. Very punk.

(note the bird imagery in Novocaine, too!)

6) Red Hood’s debut. Down the River, full of righteous rage; When The Coyote Comes, a song celebrating a predator and his devilish, fear-inspiring approach. These are a little calmer than the Lazarus songs, but still he is dead-set on his terrible path.

7) Jason being called back to the family. A window opens up / and someone calls your name / but I can tell you don’t know how to play this game... Actually, here:

So now you’re on your own Won't you come back home To see you're not that kind And find the strength To find the strength To find another way

And then a song for Jason’s response to that: Broken, mostly wailing, wordless guitar, but with a heartbreaking little set of lyrics at the end:

Broken We are broken

In my mind's eye One little boy anger one little man Funny how time flies

Then Achilles Come Down, which I have in the clean version because I don’t like listening to swearing. I imagine this one specifically as Tim’s near-suicidal plea for Jason to come back: if you go I’m going / so jump and I’m jumping.

8) Jason’s slow path to building relationships again. First a rejection in Howl: I hunt for you with bloody feet across the hallowed ground. Titans Tower near-killing of Tim, much? Then Freedom—he’s realizing he just wants to be allowed to have his own perspective. Then he’s becoming softer, but still fighting for himself in My life:

I don't need you to worry for me 'cause I'm alright I don't want you to tell me it's time to come home I don't care what you say anymore this is my life Go ahead with your own life, leave me alone

Then, for the first time, acceptance. A house is a home even when there's ghosts / Even when you gotta run from the ones who love you most. Jason realizing that he was in the wrong.

And then, finally, one last song:

Forgive me Is all that you can't say Years gone by and still Words don't come easily Like forgive me, forgive me

But you can say baby Baby, can I hold you tonight?

Baby bird, baby bird, can I hold you. Baby bird, will you forgive me. And! We bring it back to Tracy Chapman in the end.

9) Jason outro: The Bat’s True Calling, slow and mournful, regretful, but dignified. Acceptance of his own grief. And, finally, of course, Batman Theme Reprise. Back to that breathless, whirling experience of the Batmobile, Jason’s first taste of freedom in this playlist. Jason’s passionate spirit simply cannot be repressed.

#wow this was A Lot #jason todd #if you're a mutual / close friend you can ask for the playlist if you want #but I am Not just giving the link to anyone #OH fun fact!! I found the song 'come back home' because of an amazing thad fic with a title from the lyrics. #'A window opens up / and someone calls your name' #that line haunts me partially because of the association with That Particular Story

[that-one-enby-ranger]

Halt O'Carrick Playlist Part 4:

It's continuning on with more songs, and more Queen. Because I am very biased about that band. I am currently litsening to their new collectors edition album right now while writing this. But whatever. Moving on:

You're My Bestfriend by Queen: More Queen :) This song reminds me of Halt and Crowley. Which makes since. Even though the song was originally written for John Deacon's wife, it works better with Crowley and Halt rather than Pauline and Halt. Because I prefer Cralt of Haltine. Oh, you're the best friend that I ever had. I've been with you such a long time, you're my sunshine and I want you to know that my feelings are true. I really love you. Oh, you're my best friend. Things Halt one hundred percent feels but is also one hundred percent never going to say them outloud. Not in a million years.

I'll Be There For You by The Rembrandts: Yes, the F.R.I.E.N.D.S theme tune. This also reminds me of Halt and Crowley. And Halt and Will. And Halt and literally everyone in the entire series that he is protective of. Which is pretty much everyone. This song more reminds me of the all the characters as entire friend group. Well, obviously not all the characters. Like Moragarath and the other villains. But you know what I mean. They are a chaotic friend group and they will always help each other like the chaotic friends that they are.

Friends Will Be Friends by Queen: I kind of feel like I've already done this one. But whatever. More friendship. More Queen. There will be a lot of Queen this time round. The reason for this should be fairly obvious as to why it reminds me of Halt and his should be husband, so I'm not gonna say anymore. Except this we can rule Pauline out of this one, unless you like Craltine, because this was not written for John Deacon's wife. It was just for friends in general. Random side note: Halt and Crowley are gay.

We Are The Champions by Queen: Not done with this band yet. There is just so may good and powerful songs. Sue me. I DON'T. CARE. We Are The Champions is once again another song that fits well with most of the characters, mainly as one big badass fighting group. Pretty obvious as to why. I can't be bothered to explain why. But there is a line in the chorus I would love to bring your attention to: And we'll keep on fighting till the end. Powerful shit right there.

Spread Your Wings by Queen: We're not done yet. This song might more apply to Will actually but whatever. It can still relate to Halt pretty well, with just some changes. The songs about a boy who wants to get away from where he is now to be doing something else. Kind of how Halt didn't want to be king, and didn't want to die, so he left Hibernia for Araluen adn became a ranger. The only difference is that the boy in the song is working at a bar, lives in a hotel room, and is poor and is basically a nothing. The exact opposite of what Halt was. Also the boys name is Sammy.

Bring Me To Life by Evanescence: Emo song. Emo boy. I don't really know what else to say to this. This song could kind of relate to where Halt was most likely feeling depressed, at least a little bit. Like when he had murder attempts against him from his own bloody brother, or when Pritchard died. I don't have anything else to say but emo.

Do I Wanna Know? by The Arctic Monkeys: I dunno. It just reminds me of him. I think this is a song he would maybe sort of like in a modern AU. Like I've said, I think he would actually like some modern stuff, especially since it sounds a lot better than medieval stuff and its all different varities and genres.

Centuries by Fall Out Boy: This is another one that should be pretty self explanatory. I've seen other people say that this song reminds them of RA. Again, this song can relate to most of the characters. Probably more closer to being a Will, Horace, Gilan and Cassandra song. But still relates to everyone really.

Always by Bon Jovi: Again, don't know why. Again, another song that I think Halt would like. The songs about loving and being there for someone always. For some reason whenever I hear it and I think about Halt, I don't think about him being there for Will or Crowley or Pauline, or any of those characters. I think about him and Caitlyn. Even though this is supposed to be a love song, and Caitlyn's Halt's sister which would make it weird, I don't think about it as a love song. I just think about people caring about each other very much. Platonically.

21 Guns by Green Day: And lets end it off with yet another song I don't have a real reason for, other than the feel and sound of th esong, and I think Halt would kind of like it. I guess if you really look deep into the lyrics you could probably find a better reasoning, but I'm too lazy, someone else can do it.

So thats that. Now that I'm done, I'm going to continue litsening to a Queen interview on the radio.

#halt's playlist #halt o'carrick #rangers apprentice

[catboydogma]

OOOOH 🛒, 🎶, and 💖 pls??

MWHAH THANK U SM RED ❣❣

emoji fanfic asks

🛒: what are some common things you incorporate in your fics? themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc

answered here as well!

themes: hereditary / generational fears + trauma

feels: kissing the inside of someone's wrist

scenes: waiting at bedsides for the other person to wake

imagery: walk cycles

etc: weird-colored flora ❣

🎶: do you listen to music while you write? what song have you been playing on loop lately?

oh absolutely. i actually listen to music nearly 24/7 bc it helps ground me but i do it more deliberately when im writing and if im really trying to get into it i put on white noise in the background (favorites are rain and train tracks). i have so many playlists all with very different and specific vibes. lately i've been listening to a lot of better love (hozier) for my cwbb work and discovered bloody mary (lady gaga) which is the most recent brain-scratching song

💖: what made you start writing?

i've been writing ever since i can remember! u see, i am always thinking thoughts. most of my early writing was just for catharsis or because i enjoyed getting my thoughts out in a more concrete manner. i started writing with intent to publish around 2018 and since 2019 i've just written at least a teeny bit every day, not always formal or coherent but something in my sketchbook or notes app or my own arm, though more often i hit anywhere from 1-3k a day. it is due to the fact that there are a lot of little guys in my head and they want very badly to be set free!

if u mean FIC writing specifically--i only write for marvel, dc, or sw because u see the writers of these franchises are wrong and unsexy. and i am right and very sexy. i think i started really writing fic (i used to do little ficlets to go with the graphics i made when i made graphics more regularly but i dont count those) when i wrote to sleep, to swim, to dream, which (despite not being the earliest) was kind of my first attempt at structured, deliberate fic

#asks #ask games #thank u red <33

[awkwarddystopianwarlord]

Dear Universe Gods, You're Grounded

Over the weekend, me and my mates went to a fan expo on the mainland. It went swimmingly! We got photos with multiple celebrities including Elijah Wood. We sat through several panels led by actors and voice actors that we love including Grace Van Dien and Neil Newbon. We bought merchandise that gave us all a healthy-happy-feelings boost. One friend’s mother paid for our entire dinner the first night at a stupidly good Malaysian restaurant, even though she wasn’t there. We went to IKEA and got cookies and meatballs and jams. We like to stock up as there’s no IKEA here. We took our Build-a-Bear baby Yoda named Yodito and hunted down every Star Wars cosplayer to take a photo with him. It was a wild, overstimulating, exciting, hilarious, unbelievable, and unforgettable weekend adventure. 

And then we came home.

*cue the Jaws theme* 

And our world went stupid again.

*cue the speedier part of said Jaws theme*

The day after we got back, one friend found out her father has cancer and is due for surgery. A few days later, another friend was in the hospital for appendicitis, she’s still there actually. A day after that, today in fact, at work, it was decided by a corporate minion that wearing earbuds on shift is no longer allowed. For years, we were able to have a single earbud in and listen to music, podcasts, audiobooks, what have you, whilst working. This man came into the store, unannounced, off the clock, and saw people just doing their jobs and I guess decided they were too content. Now we have to listen to the cursed drugstore bullshit playlist and our brain thoughts. But wait, it gets worse…suddenly, the automatic announcements and music switched to French. Everything was French and no one knew what the crap happened. This was the day the music died and the day Canadian French corroded our brains. It went back to semi normal after a few hours, but those few hours were brutal. 

So it’s been a week of cancer and surgery, and head office being committed to destroying any ounce of possible happiness we have at work. We were happy over the weekend, life was good. I think we need to have forever vacations at this point because the moment they end, everything goes to shit. Once our lives go back to normal, chaos and disappointment ensues.

I am still in the process of acquiring the contact information for the head office of the universe, however, it’s been incredibly difficult to locate. If anyone has the personal numbers for any universe corporate members, please let me know. My strongly worded letter was clearly ignored, so I’ve decided a phone call might be more effective. 

Seriously though, what the bloody absolute fuck are the odds of this amount of immediate buffoonery happening after such a wholesome weekend with friends? We just came home and cancer and bursting organs were just sitting on the table and the gods were guffawing at us. I say again, NO ONE, NOT A SINGLE SOUL can tell me, with a straight face, that we are not cursed as shit! You can search high and low for a lawyer to argue until they’re blue in the face against this fact, and you will fail. There is no valid evidence, no physical or mental or spiritual proof that stands in favor of this truth being false. There are mysterious, malicious forces at work against us and all we can do now is laugh because it is hysterical, in the most tragic way possible, just how fucked we are. If we become villains later on, the origin stories for us that show our descent to the dark side will be horribly stupid and completely reasonable all in one. “Oh, why ever did you become evil?” they will ask. “I was greatly inconvenienced two too many times,” I will say. And they will nod in understanding as I set fire to the world.

#writing #blog #friday post #biweeklyblog #rants #storytime #struggles #angry

[overlysensitiverobot]

Last night my Nana died

She the best Person in the world. Theres not a soul who didn’t love her. I never heard her speak a cruel word, or put anyone down, ever. She had nothing but goodness in her heart.

She been in palliative care for a few days and I put off seeing her because it seemed more appropriate for this to be a time for her kids to be with her, so I just sent in the single scented rose that was growing in my garden, and mum sent me a photo, saying she just kept wanting to smell it and it was a big hit.

In the photo Nannas hair was all flat, which it’s been for a while now, but she’d always loved to have it curled and set, and so I got it into my head that she would want her hair done, and decided to do it for her. And since I was going in, I thought maybe I’d bring in some music too, something that would add a little euphoria to the morphine she was on so I made a little playlist up just incase

Whilst I was at Kmart getting the hair products I decided to get a little tapestry kit too, as my Nana and Auntie Magda spent many hours with my sister and I, teaching us tapestry on holidays, and then my brother called. He couldn’t find the Ute key, so I had to go to the factory to help him find it. Whilst there I took the opportunity to grab a Bluetooth speaker.

When I arrived Nannas could no longer communicate. Her breathing was short and rattled, so I just set the music up and at the start we had it down real low and I spent the first hour just feeding her thickened water with a sponge tip. She really loved it. It was quite fun actually, and I was so glad to have that moment with her. She had to do all kinds of weird stuff to get me to eat as a kid, and she’d always made it fun for me, so it felt appropriate

She locked her eyes onto mine, and would not look away, I hadn’t expected that. She tried to say my name but she couldn’t. She wasn’t in a state to have her hair done, so I pulled out the tapestry and began to that instead.

She wanted to speak to me so badly, but she was too short of breath. So I just held her gaze and did slow steady deliberate breaths because I read somewhere once it can help to subconsciously help calm someone struggling to breathe. I don’t know if it helped her much but it’s how we spent the next few hours

We added a Andre Rieu song to the playlist as mum said she loved him, and I read out a few song names to find one she wanted. ‘Love Theme’ was chosen, and we turned the music up and began to listen to it and as we listened to the playlist we let the violins sweep across the room and free our tears, and speak our souls. I got to tell her what a wonderful grandmother she’d been, share my favourite memories, and tell her I how much I loved her. I hugged her tight and in my final goodbye I spoke my heart into her ear, I swear I felt her relax and she looked at me with like what she’d been trying to say had finally got to be said, but I honestly can’t even remember the words I even spoke in that moment

She died an hour after I left, and it hit me that what we had just shared was her final experience on this world, and I can’t believe it happened like that. It was so intense, beautiful but intense. She made me feel so special, like it had been so important to her that I was there and honestly I don’t feel like I deserved for it to be like that, but I’m so bloody grateful that it was

Thank you Nannas ,I will love you forever and ever and ever

#Spotify