#bless you op I was debating doing this at some point

[queen-scribbles]

Meet the Family

Mass Effect Relationships Week Day 3: Missed Opportunities

The second I saw this one, I knew I had to fill it with the what-if of Gabe not being KIA pre-trilogy so Lisa actually gets to a) keep her surrogate brother and b) introduce him to Kaidan. This is immediately post-ME1, and for people unfamiliar with Lisa, she didn’t sleep with Kaidan before Ilos, even though she really, really likes him, so they’re still figuring out Them as a Couple(?). Fun time to meet the family :D

------

Lisa paced back and forth along a small section of the cafe’s outdoor seating, never far from their table, and picked at the edge of the bandage around her left arm.

“Shepard, if you peel that off, it’s gonna scar,” Kaidan reminded her for the fifth time in two days, barely looking up from the menu.

“Scars are badass,” she countered with a smirk. “And I-”

But the rest of her comeback was aborted when she spotted an approaching figure and hopped the patio railing with a whoop to charge toward him.

Fortunately Gabe saw her coming, so her enthusiastic tackle-hug didn’t send them tumbling into Citadel foot traffic. He laughed as he hugged her back, hard enough some of her bruises complained(she ignored them). “Hey Lise! Long time no see.”

Lisa’s only reply was a happy grunt, muffled against the side of his neck as she held tight. It had been pure chance after the battle she’d noticed one of the Alliance ships that went against Sovereign was his, and she was still relieved she hadn’t lost him without even knowing he was there.

When they finally let go, Gabe caught her injured wrist in a loose grip and shot her a significant look. “What have you been doing with yourself, Lisa?”

Lisa snorted and gestured at the damaged Citadel around them. “Playing the hero, of course.”

He shook his head with a wry laugh. “Of course. You never could help yourself.”

She snorted and lightly poked the scars that cut through his eyebrow and across the bridge of his nose. “You’re one to fucking talk, Palléon.”

“Language, Lisa Anne,” Gabe chided with exaggerated affront. He slung an arm around her shoulders. “C’mon, didn’t you have crew you wanted me to meet...?”

“Oh, yeah. That,” Lisa drawled, shifting his arm so it wasn’t resting on the glass cuts peppering the back of her neck. “Turns out only Alenko could make it, so he’ll have to do for now.”

She left off he was the one she most wanted Gabe to meet, but from the look she got, he at least suspected. “Mm-hm.”

“Behave, Gabriel.” She wasn’t sure if it was a warning or a request, but it set mischief dancing in his dark grey eyes either way.

“Yes, ma’am, Commander Shepard, ma’am,” he teased.

Lisa rolled her eyes and tugged him toward the cafe entrance. “Y’know, for bein’ like my big brother, you sure can be a little shit sometimes.”

“That’s my job,” Gabe said cheerfully. 

She lightly bopped the back of his head. “Please, Gabe.” This is important to me.

Something in her tone made him sober and he nodded as they stepped on to the cafe patio, letting his arm drop from around her shoulders. “Sure, Lise.”

“Thanks.” She was grinning as they closed distance to the table she and Kaidan had staked out. Kaidan pushed to his feet just as they got there and Lisa took half a step back to  not be in the way as she made introductions. “Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko, Major Gabriel Palléon.” (Why were her palms sweaty?) “Gabe, this is Kaidan.”

Gabe held out a hand to shake. “Good to meet you.”

“Pleasure’s all mine, sir,” Kaidan said, smile warm but posture military-stiff as he shook Gabe’s hand and Lisa bit back a giggle. Bless him for wanting to make a good impression. (It was cute. When did she start thinking things were cute?!)  “L-Shepard’s talked about you quite a bit.”

“Likewise,” Gabe laughed. “But we can save the formality for on-duty, huh? Gabe’s fine.”

Kaidan chuckled as the three of them sat. “Fair enough. Though since Shepard and I serve together, I’ll probably stick to it with her.”

There was also the--probably vain--hope a semblance of formality would help mask whatever was between them until they sorted it out themselves. Which would hopefully be soon. She’d promised they could figure it out later, and she’d never made a promise she wanted to keep more. But for now, better to focus on the fact Kaidan was getting to meet the closest thing to family she had left in the galaxy. She wanted (needed) them to hit it off.

“So I hear you’ve been largely responsible for keeping Lisa alive the past several months,” Gabe said, taking the menu she nudged him with a nod of thanks. “She hasn’t been able to mention all the details, but that one’s come up a few times.”

“Oh, she’s plenty good at keeping herself alive,” Kaidan demurred with a small smile. “I just tag along to watch her back. In case she needs me.”

Lisa snorted and shook her head. “He’s bein’ modest,” she informed Gabe as she nudge Kaidan’s shoulder. “If it wasn’t all classified to hell and back, I could spend at least an hour filling you in on all the ways he’s saved my neck. And he brews the best damn pot of coffee--sorry, Gabe--I’ve ever had in my life, which has saved everyone from me on more than one occasion.”

“Better than mine?” Gabe asked in a faux-injured tone, but she could see the corners of his mouth twitching and almost kicked him under the table.

The only reason she didn’t was the server showing up to take their orders.

After they’d finished and the server headed off, Gabe sighed dramatically. “At least I know she’s in good hands.”

Kaidan chuckled, rubbed the back of his neck. “I do my best.”

“So, Gabe,” Lisa interjected, “one thing I’m dying to know; your unit’s always been out toward the edges of Council space, lots of groundside assignments. What the hell were you doing on a ship so close to the Citadel, anyway?”

Gabe shrugged apologetically and shook his head. “Sorry, Lise. Classified.”

She waved it off. It had only been 50-50 odds he could tell her anyway. “S’alright, I know the drill. What’ve you been up to that you can talk about?”

He pursed his lips in thought. “Supervised a couple clean up ops, but the last few months have been mostly ferreting out a pirate cabal that started getting a little bolder around some of our colonies and outposts than Command’s comfortable with. But I don’t want to waste time talkin’ about work.”

Lisa arched a brow. She had a sneaking suspicion she could guess the...  membership composition of this cabal if he was changing the subject so quickly. But she let him get away with it. “Okay, but work’s almost all we’ve been doing the past few months,” she pointed out, jerking her thumb at Kaidan. “So unless you got a new girlfriend an’ wanna enlighten me, there won’t be much else to talk about...”

“You didn’t have any downtime?” Gabe prodded, shaking his head in silent answer to her half-joking needling. “No time for fun shit on the Normandy?”

“Talking, card games, playin’ with my omnitool...” Lisa shrugged. “The usual in-between missions shit.”

“You and that omnitool,” Gabe teased.

This time she did kick him under the table. “Hey, you’re the one who gave it to me.” She smiled sweetly. “Thanks for picking a model that plays nice with upgrades and tweaks.”

“I created a monster,” he lamented theatrically, and moved his leg when she went to kick him again. “What about you, Kaidan, you do anything different than my favorite tech nerd, or do you have roughly the same idea of fun?”

Kaidan laughed. “Same, I’m afraid. Chatting, playing cards, tweaking omnitool functions.”

The server came back with their  drinks and assurance the food would only be a few more minutes.

“You have a favorite when it comes to cards?” Gabe asked as he took a drink.

Kaidan shrugged and shook his head. “Anything’s fun. I guess if you made me pick, probably poker.”

Gabe’s eyes lit up and he leaned forward, “Tell me you cleaned her out,” he said, leveling a finger at Lisa. “Please.”

Kaidan grinned and held up two fingers. “Twice.”

“Excellent.”

“Hey!” Lisa protested, fighting a grin.

“Your reign of terror needed to end, Lise,” Gabe returned. “You’re just lucky it wasn’t me.”

She snorted. “Like that would ever happen.”

“That’s hurtful,” he grinned.

“Gabe. I love you like a brother, and you’re very good at many things,” Lisa said with a matching grin, “but poker isn’t one of them.”

“I can help you work on that if you want,” Kaidan offered, ignoring the ‘Traitor!’ look Lisa sent him.

“And I might take you up on that,” Gabe said, smirking at her. Clearly he had caught the ‘Traitor!’ look.

“I’m feeling ganged-up on,” Lisa groused, still grinning.

Kaidan took pity on her and changed the subject as the server reappeared with their food. Gabe--still smirking--played along. It came out in the ensuing conversation they rooted for the same hockey team, though Kaidan was decidedly less... intense about it, and it was not Lisa’s team of choice.

There was no overlap in movie genre preference between the three of them, which turned into a spirited, good-natured debate that consumed almost a whole hour before Kaidan steered them to a different topic. Lisa gave his shoulder a grateful nudge for that; it was one thing to get stuck in sibling-loggerheads with Gabe when they were sprawled on the couch just shooting the shit. This was different.

All told, it took them almost four hours of friendly conversation--and frequent teasing--to start winding down. Lisa had a sneaking suspicion if she wasn’t the Savior of the Citadel they would have been asked to leave much earlier. The cafe was very busy, despite the damage surrounding it. She made sure to leave the server a large tip when she paid.

Kaidan and Gabe where shaking hands farewell when she rejoined them, Gabe just finishing a comment she didn’t catch that had Kaidan nodding with a small smile.

“Good to know,” he said, darting a glance at her. “And, again, good to meet you.”

“Likewise,” Gabe said, clapping him on the shoulder before he turned to hug Lisa. “Glad I got to see you, Lise.”

“You, too,” she replied, returning the hug with matching fervor. (He still gave the best hugs) “Hopefully we can get together again before going our separate ways, but for now, Alenko an’ I have a meeting to get to.”

“I’ll make sure to bug ya about that,” Gabe promised with a wink.

“I’m sure you will,�� Lisa grinned. “See ya round.”

They headed off in their respective directions, and Lisa barely waited until they were safely out of earshot to ask, “What’s good to know?”

“Huh?” Kaidan shot her a bemused look.

“What Gabe said,” she clarified. “Or is that some guy thing I don’t actually wanna know?”

“Oh.” He smiled sheepishly. “Quoting him: Not to pry, but I think you’ll be good for her.”

Lisa huffed and twisted around as if she could glare at Gabe’s back, but he was already lost to view. “He- part of me wants to smack him for meddling in my love life.”

Kaidan hit the elevator call button, a curious smile just tugging at his lips. “And the rest of you?”

The laugh underlying his words nearly undid her. Lisa winked. “The rest of me agrees with him, so I’ll let it slide for now.” She arched a brow at him. “After all, we gotta figure out my love life b’fore I can get mad at him for meddlin’ in it, huh?”

Kaidan chuckled and let her step into the elevator first when it arrived. “Looking forward to it, Shepard. But lets focus on the meeting for now and us later.”

“Right. Later.” She bit her lip to hold back the flutter in her chest at his tone.

They rode in warm silence, hands so close their knuckles brushed, but neither said a word.

#queens fic #merweek2021 #lisa shepard #kaidan alenko #gabriel palléon #me: gives lisa an au where her surrogate big brother didn't die pre-game #me: wants to cry thinking about her canon AGAIN #i played myself /sweats #mass effect #mass effect fic #female shepard #commander shepard #mass effect 1

[umnvatra]

About Zhongli's state in the game right now..

I just want to vent(?) and let out my thoughts about this whole ordeal as a Zhongli simp. Take note that if you are someone who has Zhongli or wants Zhongli/is planning to roll for Zhongli and wants to read this post, be prepared. Because as much as i hate to say it, this one is gonna be harsh. I wish it wasn't, but the truth really hurts and is also something that i struggled to accept sjdjdjchsk

Ngl i'm probably going to get hands thrown at me because of this post but i really, really want to vent about what Mihoyo did to his character. This week has been a roller coaster when it comes to Zhongli. From being super excited for his release, being elated getting him, to being absolutely devastated at all the comments and information that had come out prior to his release.

Basically, as a 5*, Zhongli is very underpowered and underwhelming. This is something i hadn't noticed myself because my Zhongli still didn't have a proper build and weapon yet, but when i did, i felt my own happiness plummet at the weight of the reality.

I don't care if he is strong as a support or a dps, and no i don't want him to necessarily be good at being dps. But this will include a lot of stuff regarding damage because he is a five star with nuking potential. It's also this way because he is THAT underpowered. Even having him be a very good support would be a blessing, but as it goes, he is not.

First it was the comments in Youtube videos, arguing with each other about how bad/good he was. Those comments made me question a lot of things. But i felt absolutely crushed when Jinx and Tuner uploaded their stream of their Zhongli and Xinyan testing.

For those that don't know, Jinx and Tuner run a youtube channel where they test many things in Genshin and provide objective information about them based on the results of their testing. When i saw how incredibly disappointed and frustrated they were with Zhongli, i felt really, really sad. After all, they provide maths. Not only are they one of the genshin youtubers that i trust but they also study characters closely and tell you if a particular 5 star character is worth pulling for or not. And you guessed it, they concluded that Zhongli was NOT worth pulling for as a five star character because he is so heavily underpowered.

Then there comes the arguements presented.

Majority of people thought that Zhongli was going to be more of a support character rather than dps, and i could see why, but ironically he has more potential as a phys carry. And this information comes from the testing that Jinx and Tuner made.

However

Xiangling is still a better physical carry than Zhongli especially when you take into account the abilities she can use while attacking. Zhongli's pillar has questionable energy recharge generation, something that i too had noticed. Every tick of the pillar does NOT guarantee an energy, and it drove me crazy. Meanwhile you have Xiangling who can easily bring out energy with Guoba if she so wanted.

And you need C6 Zhongli in order for him to heal like Noelle too by the way. And Noelle is a 4* that is guaranteed on your first time playing the game. 👁

Zhongli's shield is good for sure, but then you have Noelle who can shield + heal. In terms of stuff being done, Noelle's is better. Zhongli's shield is strong yes, but it can STILL disappear after one or two hits from enemies (at least from our experience in higher AR. I have no idea if the same applies to lower AR).

Now for his meteor. Yes, his meteor is good. Not only is it spammable, but it deals great damage as well. BUT THEN you have Ningguang who can be a better burst spam and possibly deal more damage than his could do (remember, Ning has a lot of jades that could each deal 1k if built properly). The duration for petrification is 3 seconds too, which, a lot of people argue isn't enough time (personally, i have no problem with this since i do not mind it much). And apparently his meteor got nerfed because it does not increase geo damage and phys damage as it used to in the beta testing with petrification.

How about his ability in being able to break shields by holding E? Truth be told, i expected that he was going to be able to explode all shields in one go, but it does not work for every one of them apparently. Shields by hilichurls do break with just one E hold. But the ones by Mitachurls don't. I also tried breaking the Geo Hypostasis's pillar using his E hold and it did not break immediately. This could differ however. 👁 I'm still not sure if its because i have not properly built him right for breaking them or not. And about Stonehide Lawachurls... it's the same as the Geo Hypostasis pillar. The geo shield does not break immediately.

I'm not saying all this because i am mad at Zhongli. Rather, i am disappointed at what Mihoyo did to him. I am absolutely happy to get Zhongli. He is the one character i had been looking forward to for MONTHS. I saved resources in advance for him and even held off on leveling up my current team so i could dump all said resources on him when i get him. I stayed as AR35 for many many weeks because i wanted to level him up properly before ascending my World Rank. I think he is super fun to use especially with his burst and i absolutely adore the animation and when he crosses his arms and does his 'osmanthus tea' monologue at the most random times with his lil hand gestures. Even just listening to his voice while being idle fills me with so much happiness. There is so much joy in getting him. Which is why i am very disappointed at Mihoyo for how they butchered his character.

After Jinx and Tuner made their video about the results of their testing with Zhongli, i was genuinely saddened but i gradually came to accept the truth. It sucks, it hurts, but it is the truth. Even they said that they wanted Zhongli to be a GOOD character, but he is just insanely underpowered right now. You can invest resources into him and make him work, but compared to 4* and the other 5*, it takes so much effort. To make him decent, you'd have to level his stuff up so much but that also applies to four star characters and they perform better than him. Husbando > meta yes, but i gotta say that it still stings when my underleveled Xiangling and Fischl could do a much better job being a dps and support respectively than him when he's many levels above them.

Which brings me to the main point of this post.

Why was Mihoyo scared of making him strong? OP? Why did they nerf him so much? He is a 5* character Mihoyo, make him be STRONG at something. It's why he's a five star. But no. They watered him down so much to the point where even four star characters can do his own job better than him. His pillar doesn't even deal damage upon being destroyed just like Geo MC's. The range of his pillar's resonance is too small, and given the fact that his auto attacks can push enemies (except for the bigger ones of) or can be easily walked out of range to is 👁👄👁

And it deals criminally low damage. Like, why? Why not rack up the numbers? What is the problem????

The more i think about it, the more i can see the points that people have been pointing out. If the issue of energy generation with his pillar is RNG based, then that's simply screwed up. It already adds into the lists of problems that doesn't help with how underpowered he is. And as i am writing this post rn, there are lots and lots of Chinese players enraged about how weak he is as a 5* and causing HUGE fights in forums. People in the genshin subreddit had been debating again and again over heated arguements about his abilities. Even if you visit the genshin subreddit today and check every post about Zhongli, you will see people in the comments mention stuff about how he performs in the game and his abilities.

Mihoyo, give him a buff. I know that giving buffs isn't your thing, but there is honestly thousands and thousands of people expressing their disappointment and anger in how weak you've made him. He is a fan favorite. I love him. Majority of the genshin fanbase do. His character is really good and it hecking sucks that he is having major difficulties in fitting in on the game right now. He deserves better. Make him strong. Buff him. Adjust some of his abilities. Literally give. our. geo. dad. justice.

Those who don't care about damage is probably rolling their eyes at my rant rn but given how objectively weak he is compared to the other characters in game, it won't hurt if he gets a buff.

When the survey for Zhongli and Xinyan comes, rate him low. I know. It sucks. It's despicable. Even i hate it. But that is why we have to do it. If we become honest to Mihoyo about how much weak they made him, then maybe they are going to consider buffing or adjusting his abilities.

I'm sorry for the negative post. There is still hope for geo dad. He is incredibly fun to use but if you are debating on whether to pull for him or not, my answer would be

If you absolutely love him as a character, go for it.

Otherwise, just wait for now. Because his state in the game isn't looking so good at the moment.

For those that already have him and are also disappointed or saddened by what happened, take comfort in knowing that tons of people are still using Zhongli (including me who went through such roller coaster of emotions lmaoaoaoa) regardless of the information that he is behind in terms of being a dps and support. And that there is still hope for him (WAIT FOR THE SURVEY AND RATE HIM LOW YO 😭😭😭 IT WON'T GUARANTEE THAT MIHOYO IS GONNA BUFF HIM BUT WITH ALL THE PEOPLE RAGING RN THERE IS A HIGH POSSIBILITY THAT THEY WILL LOL)

Have some goofy screenshots that i took while playing as Schlongli

#[nanderthal.] #genshin impact #genshin impact zhongli #zhongli #hang in there my lovelies 😭😭 #i hate it too but sjfjshfoehdoshs #our hope lies in the surveys #and the rage; ironically enough #other than that if you really want to use him then go for it 🥺 #there is no one stopping you #he is super fun to play after all!! #he just deserves better goddamnit mihoyo 👁😭 #give us that OP petrification #or even better pillars #anYTHING MIHOYO

[wellesleyunderground]

Pandemic Pregnancy by Jess Sirizzotti ‘10 (@JezRebelle)

Having your first kid during a global pandemic makes for a very weird experience. Though the much anticipated “quarantine baby boom” turned out not to be the reality, there were still many pregnancies that started, continued, or wrapped up in 2020-2021.

Being pregnant during a pandemic is about as isolating as you’d expect. Reduced immunity plus *gestures vaguely* everything meant that a lot of people grew a person in unprecedented ways. What I struggled with the most (beyond the overarching panic and dread of a world on fire) was that there was no benchmarking. I could have made it nine months at work before telling anyone, because they only saw me on video conference from the clavicle up. There were no hospital tours, no childbirth classes, no expectant parenting groups. 

Whenever you’re going through it, there seems to be no middle ground between dry, evidence-based medicine and projecting yourself entirely into the astral plane for communing with the ancestors. Here are a few things that helped me through my pregnancy, and some things I wish I’d known earlier.

Illustration Credit: Mercedes deBellard

Prep work

There are plenty of guides about how much you should have saved or what kind of physical shape you should be in. Some of that is helpful.

Oddly missing from those guides is “get a handle on your traumas.” Talk to a therapist. Talk to a partner. Talk to yourself in a diary where you ask yourself questions about what you want to carry with you and what terrifies you about having a kid. There are questionnaires for people donating living organs, and it does not hurt to say, “Hey, if there is a problem with ANY OF THE MYRIAD OF THINGS THAT CAN GO WRONG, how would I work through those feelings? What are the boundaries I want for this process that will make me feel safer or in control?””

If you’re getting pregnant with someone who will raise this kid with you, get into it with them. Have very specific conversations about what you will do about parental leave, diapers, daycare, requests for tattoos from a twelve-year-old. My husband and I would read the Care & Feeding parenting column from Slate, debating how we would handle the conundrums of different letters before getting the “answer” from the columnist.

Also, get as full a picture of family pregnancy as you can. You might know your own birth story, but what about the other half of the genetics you’ll be juggling? I, personally, managed to mash up my MIL’s hyperemesis gravidarum and my mom’s gestational diabetes which has been...not a great time.

And ask *lots* of questions. I had pretty low-stakes issues making it into the world, but it turns out all my dad’s generation of siblings all needed to stay in the NICU. My dad had multiple full-body blood transfusions in his first days. That would have been helpful to know!

That said, what I was most shocked to learn is that there is no way to know what kind of pregnancy you’re going to have until you’re in it. Even if you’ve had a kid before—you can have wildly different experiences! There’s literally no way to know in advance!

Pro tip: you can’t know for certain what pregnancy will be like for you, but getting a broad picture can help it seem less like a cliff jump into the unknown.

Getting pregnant will take longer than you think

Once again, for those in the back, GETTING PREGNANT WILL TAKE LONGER THAN YOU THINK. 

For starters, you will need to stop not getting pregnant, which has been the focus of most young adult lives since your fertility started. I had to get my IUD removed and also get revaccinated for a bunch of things (rubella, flu, tetanus). If you were on the pill, it may take a few months to get everything out of your system. Then, you will do something to try to get pregnant and wait for two weeks. Whether it takes two weeks, two months, or ten years—it will feel like a very long time.

Especially because by this point, I felt ready to have a child. I looked at the calendar and thought, “Oh good, the kid will be X horoscope sign. They’ll have their birthday during the school year. Their birthday will be X year, and that will be easy to remember.” I made plans.

And then I just...didn’t get pregnant. And kept not getting pregnant. Every month of getting my period was so frustrating. I had charted my cycle! I had taken my temperature to figure out if I was ovulating! I swallowed these giant prenatal vitamins that are the size of a human toe!

Some people do get pregnant instantly, and many blessings on their ultra-efficient plumbing. Some people get pregnant when they don’t want to, and they should be able to have a choice about whether to have those kids. 

For most people, there will be a while between deciding to have a child through pregnancy and getting one started. It is happening everywhere, to countless people, and is one of the hardest, loneliest, most unintelligible experiences—made worse by the fact that people are shoving their feet into their own faces around you for the entire experience. You’re surrounded by people getting pregnant (magically! easily! with barely a whisper of effort!), people asking you when you will become pregnant, people congratulating you on not being pregnant because you can go out, drink, get really into aerial silks, etc. And you will have to not punch them in the face.

If you are under 35, most doctors will not even talk to you about fertility issues until you have tried for a year. That’s a minimum of twelve cycles of trying, twelve “I feel really good about this month” conversations, twelve pregnancy tests that say you’re not pregnant, twelve months at a job you may not like but stay at because they have good parental leave benefits or insurance coverage.

After a year (and after you get on their schedule) a fertility specialist can offer you fun adventures like getting dye injected into your fallopian tubes to see if they’re blocked, approval to shoot yourself up with expensive hormones (at home! with a real needle!), and any of the other amazing methods technology and medicine have discovered that tweak any of the multitude of handoffs that need to happen for a pregnancy to “take.”

If I can ask one thing, assume at least one person in earshot of your public conversation is trying to get pregnant and can’t—and be a little kinder.

Pro tip: get the cheaper pregnancy tests with lines rather than the electronic ones with words, because there are few bigger downers than seeing “NOT PREGNANT” month after month.

Find a practitioner you like

Because eventually, you will want to strangle them. It’s important to start with someone you like, so that the strangling phase will be late in the pregnancy and not a sustained hatred for nine full months.

Whether you’re pregnant or working with a reproductive specialist, having someone who listens to you will help. Some people cannot deal with hippie woo woo, some cannot imagine a pregnancy that’s all medical jargon. If you’re a person of color or want to have certain cultural traditions respected from the get-go, vetting at the beginning can avoid being at loggerheads later. Take some time to reflect on good and bad medical experiences you’ve had, and if you have options, choose someone who will not make you hyperventilate every time you have an appointment.

For me, I knew I needed a doctor who would not give me a hard time about weight gain. I have a history of disordered eating and (pre-pregnancy) was competing as a super heavyweight lifter, so am used to plenty of unsolicited opinions about my weight and what I should be doing with it. Pregnancy is fraught enough to take a single off-hand comment to an extreme, and I was deeply uninterested in negotiating an anorexia relapse while battling all the pregnancy changes.

If you have some time, shuffle up your pre-pregnancy appointments to get a feel for different doctors. I pulled up ZocDoc for my insurance network and came up with some finalists: had my annual exam by one, my IUD taken out by another, and my MMR re-vaccine done by a third. I knew my practice was right for me when the doctor offered to take all weight measurements patient-blind for the entire pregnancy.

Pro tip: think about what style of doctoring would make you feel better during this time, and give yourself the gift of one less thing to stress about.

Taking information in

Like the best of us, I enjoy a Wikipedia rabbit hole. I’m an especially good finder and am frequently tagged in as the friend who can unearth the secret Tumblr or yearbook photo of an elusive crush. I can find anything, and have a Jeopardy-level mental trapper keeper for bizarre edge-cases.

This is...not great for pregnancy, especially when unleashed on the “seems legit” constellation of mommy blogs. There are a million things that can go wrong with a pregnancy, and past a certain point, knowing more does not make you more likely to avoid or survive them.

Think of it like a fractal. Having the general shape of the tree: useful. Hyperfocusing so hard on one of the branches that you lose days in front of the computer screen, diving deeper into medical texts and unconfirmed narratives until you completely glaze over: less so.

Knowing this about myself helped me manage the unceasing amount of feedback offered by everyone from doctors to bystanders. I limited myself to one book (Emily Oster’s Expecting Better, which is wonderful), a doctor I trusted, and small doses of the Wellesley pregnancy group. I still couldn’t stop myself from reading every op-ed about miscarriage and stillbirth, but I was able to process them as things I was choosing to read instead of a compulsion I could not turn off.

Pro tip: really think about how much information serves you. It can feel like knowing every little thing will make you an expert who is ironclad against any malady. That’s, unfortunately, not how it works.

Sending information out

Like information gathering, you’ll want to decide how, when, and who to share information with. Having a pandemic pregnancy gave me a lot more power over when I disclosed than I would have had normally—I was sick as hell and it would have been a first-month discussion at work rather than a third-month one. It has allowed others to have entire pregnancies in private, only announcing when the baby has been delivered.

I found it helpful to think of pregnancy updates in concentric rings: my husband and I in the innermost circle, immediate family and some friends next, wider friend group and extended family, and then everyone else. I didn’t have to give minute-by-minute updates to everyone in the world if I didn’t want to, and a quick “Oh actually that’s private” was usually enough to keep any especially nosy questions to a minimum.

There were people who surprised me with wanting to know much more, and some who heard “baby” and unsubscribed. Both are fine!

Pro tip: if at all possible, curate a group of friends who are far from having first kids so that you can be assured of a rapt audience of “WHAT can happen??” Plus, at least one friend with a recent kid who’s very organized who can tell you what’s helpful to buy and what is BS.

Particular pandemic weirdness (good and bad)

While it has been lonely, it has also been wonderfully private. Some particular strange markers:

It is very odd to go from several months of zero physical contact with anyone outside my apartment directly into an intravaginal ultrasound.

My husband is going to meet our doctor at the delivery, because no one except patients is allowed past the lobby at our practice.

I will likely not need to buy any maternity clothes, because my pandemic outfits of blousy shirts and stretchy pants to work from home will suit perfectly.

No one touches my stomach unless I want them to.

Remote birthing classes allow you to snicker as much as you’d like from the comfort of your couch.

Things I did not know and wish I had

The way they count how far along you are starts from the first day of your last period. That is not when you got pregnant, but is the easiest way to have a consistent range for all patients (who may or may not be tracking ovulation spikes).

It is normal to have spotting-level breakthrough bleeding at some point during your pregnancy. The books will tell you this. Your doctor will tell you this. I am telling you this now. It will not make a damn bit of difference, because the moment you see blood, you will panic and be certain you are having a miscarriage. No one will be able to convince you otherwise until you get checked out.

Your entire digestive system slows waaaay down to accommodate a pregnancy, and is part of the reason for nausea. I had heard that you will need to pee all the time, but hadn’t heard that you will almost entirely stop pooping. And then once a week, you will crap yourself inside out.

The placenta can grow wherever it wants, including smack-dab over your cervix. This offends me more than I can say. That’s where the baby needs to go out! (C-section is required in these cases)

A cesarean birth is a horizontal cut, like an envelope opening and then they squeeze the baby through it. I always pictured it vertical, like opening a book.

Acronyms are a minefield on pregnancy forums. For months, I read posts thinking “FTM” meant “female-to-male trans person” instead of “first-time mom.” Don’t be afraid to Google to keep your bearings, but also feel free to create your own—DH can be “Dear” or “Damn” Husband depending on context.

“Morning sickness” is a misnomer. It can happen all day. It can happen for your whole pregnancy, though most women see a gradual decrease after the first trimester. I’m mid-way through my third trimester, and still throwing up six times a day. If I had known that earlier, I would not have tried to “stick it out” for as long as I did: cooking meals from scratch, insisting that pre-packaged snacks were for wimps. If you are sick, get comfortable EARLY. You don’t get extra points or a better baby for staying miserable, so you might as well lean in to Couch and Cheese Central. If it clears up, great. If not, at least you’re not already tired from trying too hard.

Around 4% of babies are born on their due dates. Do not assume your third trimester will be the length you would like it to be. My doctor has proposed a 37 week induction (because of all the sickness and gestational diabetes). While that is technically full-term, that news was given to me in such a way that low-balled the panic of being A FULL MONTH EARLY. As in, LOSING A THIRD OF THE TRIMESTER.

The baby is lower than you may expect—actual location is generally half-way between navel and nethers. If you’re patting the top of a pregnant person’s stomach (with their permission), you are far away from where the kid is.

There is no good news during a pregnancy. The best you can hope for is continuing to meet the baseline. I am so much more understanding of gender reveal parties, because it is literally the only test result that you can have an opinion about. No ultrasound or blood test will come back with, “Congratulations, your child is gifted!” or “They’re going to be so good at tennis!” It is nine straight months of finding out you’re high risk or not for sickle-cell anemia or tuberculosis. I stopped writing them down after awhile because it felt like every one was, “Oh damn, I didn’t even know we were still concerned about that.”

“Round ligament pain” is the technical term for sharp, stabbing pain in your groin caused by all the ligaments in your hips and crotch helpfully loosening to allow for gestation and birth. This can start as early as 14 weeks, which one would think is way too fricking early for it, but nope. You’d be wrong. The general recommendation for this is to keep your knees together, to which I say, “That particular ship has left the harbor.”

#wellesley underground #pregnancy #pandemic pregnancy

[incomingalbatross]

Tonight’s the night for more Catholic Batfam headcanons because I say so.

As outlined in this post, in this world Bruce was raised Catholic, drifted away somewhat in adolescence, and regained his faith and active practice during his Training World Tour. Further thoughts (some of which I’ve already stated, but put together a little better, I think):

Bruce doesn’t have a regular spiritual director in Gotham. Instead he just goes to Confession to a few different parish priests he likes—taking precautions so that people don’t see Bruce Wayne in the Confession lines just to be safe—and starts every Confession with “I’m Batman” because he feels it’s necessary context. This feels logical to me but also highly entertaining.

When he moved back into Wayne Manor and started fixing it up, his first big project outside of the Cave was converting one of the ballrooms into a family chapel. (Yes, the Manor had two ballrooms. Yes, Bruce also thinks that was excessive.) It’s dedicated to St. Michael, with side niches for statues of Our Lady and St. Joseph, and other saints along the walls/in the new stained-glass windows. He can’t keep the Eucharist there, of course, but there’s a Tabernacle built into the altar just to be thorough. Mass could be said there.

He also sets up outdoor Stations of the Cross in the Manor grounds, though that comes later. There’s landscaping and a path to take you through them. He prays the Stations every Friday.

Alfred is a practicing Anglican, BTW. He and Bruce have agreed to disagree, but they don’t hesitate to share their common ground. Alfred does make use of the chapel. (I believe St. Michael is his Confirmation saint here, actually. Which Bruce knew when he designed the chapel.)

When Dick comes along, he’s very much a non-denominational Christian. He was baptized and his parents read the Bible with him and taught him to pray, but living on the road didn’t give them a lot of formal religion. They did have informal services at Haly’s on Sundays, though.

Bruce didn’t want to push him (partly because he’s oversensitive to the idea of “making a kid go against his dead parents”), so he didn’t really actively try to convert him. Dick went to church with him or Alfred, growing up, and remained a believer, but I don’t think he had a deep or a formally religious spiritual life. He does have a great deal of respect for Bruce’s, though.

Then Jason came along.

Jason is a FIERCELY Catholic little Irish-American with a battered rosary he was given for his First Communion and a strong devotion to the Holy Family (because Catherine Todd was a deeply pro-life Catholic woman and raised her boy accordingly, and I will die on this hill). I’m not sure if he’s ever had an opportunity to be an altar server but I know he WANTS it. One of the first and biggest ways he and Bruce click is through their shared Faith.

Bruce has his own chapel! Bruce talks to him about religious things, and helps him get to Mass and the Sacraments, and signed up for regular serving duty at their parish! Bruce buys him saint books and listens to his half-articulate spiritual troubles and understands.

Bruce, meanwhile, is equally blown away by this tiny street child’s vehement love for Our Lady and the Blessed Sacrament and the beauties and stories of the Catholic Church, the way he clings to Holy Mother Church all the more for the absence of an earthly family, and how hungry he is for a stronger spiritual life. Bruce wants to give him everything.

Of course, Jason is far from a perfect child—he struggles with anger, anger which is founded in his hatred of suffering and injustice but which he doesn’t always know what to do with, or how to handle. He loves God deeply, but sometimes—especially as he starts maturing, becoming more and more aware of the world beyond his own life—he finds himself angry at Him, raging against the cruelty and injustice in the world and asking how? why? Why would You allow this?

On the whole, though, Jason is doing okay. He has Bruce, and he has his Faith. He’s confirmed at thirteen, a year after meeting Bruce, and he picks St. John Bosco as his patron saint. He prays to him for help in directing his passions to help the poor and vulnerable, rather than falling into anger and ill-will.

He doesn’t mention it to Bruce, yet, but as he keeps growing up he starts to feel like... maybe... he wants to be a priest? Maybe THAT’S what he’s supposed to do with his life? He keeps thinking about it...slowly, because it’s a Big Deal and he keeps doubting himself and he IS just fifteen, still, and having struggles with his temperament and the effects of of his past. But he keeps feeling more strongly like this is the right path for him.

And then he finds out his mother, who loved him and raised him and gave him everything he has, isn’t his mother. And he goes investigating this, because he has to, he has to know who his other mother is and if he can get to know her.

And then he is murdered, betrayed and and beaten, and still trying desperately to save the woman who sold him to the Joker.

(Jason Todd died a hero’s death and this is ALSO a hill I will die on.)

I haven’t figured out what quirk of the multiverse made Jason NOT 100% dead (the Lazarus Pit can’t bring back really-quite-sincerely-dead people or it would be way too OP and also HORRIFYING), but there’s something. Bat-Mite meddling? Superboy Prime punching the universe is dumb, but it’s DEFINITELY better than Talia stealing Jason’s corpse.

Anyway.

Quite frankly, at this point, Bruce’s faith is the only thing that keeps him sane.

He has his boy buried in the family cemetery, with the funeral Mass in the chapel.

He was really hoping one of his boys would be married there, first. Or even that Jason would say a Mass there, someday.

(He didn’t know Jason had thought about that too, but a parent hopes this kind of hope anyway.)

But no. Jason is buried. Bruce struggles with his own rage, and grief, and despair. He spends a lot of time in the chapel. ...Sometimes it helps.

And then little Tim Drake shows up, INSISTING that “Batman needs a Robin!” And things change again.

Tim (since this is focusing on the religious aspects of characters) is not Catholic. I BELIEVE he’s Protestant (don’t know which type), and likes starting debates with Bruce when things are too quiet. Bruce only engages sometimes, because when it gets too earnest he can be painfully reminded of his discussions with Jason—keep in mind, Jason is the first kid he really DID discuss religion with—and his childishly wholehearted Catholicism and Tim’s cheerfully stubborn Protestant opposition can make for a jarring contrast.

It’s good, though. Bruce doesn’t have anyone to share the fullness of his faith with, again... but that’s just one of the many smaller losses involved in his loss of Jason. He adjusts.

And Tim is earnest about his own faith, even if he doesn’t talk about it much to anyone other than Bruce and Alfred (who he knows also take Christianity seriously and will treat his views with respect). He doesn’t use the chapel as much as either of them—or even Dick, who grew up with it and goes there to pray or even just think things out whenever he’s in residence—but he does use the space sometimes, when he wants guaranteed quiet and a prayerful atmosphere.

He also somehow becomes church friends with Clark Kent, who as an archetypal Midwesterner is PROBABLY Protestant here.

Do he and Clark convert Kon between them? Again, PROBABLY.

...This is very long and it’s getting late, so I will stop here for now. I’d like to do another post on Red Hood and Damian and Bruce’s “death” at some point... we will see how that goes.

EDIT: Also, I forgot! Credit to @why-bless-your-heart for Protestant Tim—all I knew about Tim was that I didn’t know what to do with him, but her take was Good and so I have adopted it. But I should give credit where credit is due.

#batfamily #jason todd #bruce wayne #catholic #catholic batfamily #dick grayson #tim drake #i feel like making the gordons catholic too #purely because i can #no detailed headcanons on them or steph or cass though #or anyone else cause i don't know the other characters like. at all #and yes i am absolutely using bruce wayne to vicariously live out my Rich Catholic dreams #long post #cw child death #(i mean it's jason) #(so if you start reading this you know where it's probably going) #(but yeah)

[dreamlikeafangirl]

My favorite line(s) from each Hamilton song – Part Three

Part Two

Part One

What’d I Miss?

Where have you been? – Uuuh, France?

+ The fact that this was originally improvised by Daveed Diggs and it was kept in

 Cabinet Battle #1

Look, when Britain taxed out tea, we got frisky Imagine what gon’ happen if you try to tax our whiskeyyyyy

mic drop

You don’t have the votes AH HA HA HA you’re gonna need congressional approval and you don’t have the votes

Such a blunder, sometimes it makes me wonder why I even bring the thunder Why he even brings the thunder

This just speaks so much for Jefferson’s and Madison’s characters, plus it’s iconic

 Take A Break

(with Eliza beatboxing)

My name is Phillip I am a poet I wrote this poem just to show it And I just turned nine You can write rhymes but you can’t write MIne (WHaT)

And the rest of Phillip’s poem aaaah he’s just so pure in this :,-) I also love both his parent’s during this, so wholesome

 Say No To This

Did I say ‘wholesome’? I actually meant

nO, NO

and also:

You see, that was my wife who you decided toFUUUuuuuuuu

Lmfao

 The Room Where It Happens

Straight up, the whole song. Definitely my favorite in the whole musical. But I guess my favorite line would be

My God in God we trust, but we never really know what God discussed (hah) Click, boom, then it happened AnD NO One else was is the room where it happened

The way Leslie Odom Jr. says/sings that … idk, it just really appeals to me. Also, like, the choreography for that number? Uuuugh so GOOD!

 Schuyler Defeated

FurTheR dOwN, fURtHer DoWn

With that familiar melody, geniussssss

 Cabinet Battle #2

you must be out of your GODDAMN MIND if you think,

I love how Jefferson just stays completely calm when Hamilton suddenly screams at him, like, makes me think he has snapped before during one of their debates and at this point you just have to expect it at some point lmaoooo but also very in character for Hamilton, AND understandable, Jefferson’s very annoying indeed

A game of chess, where France is king and queen-less

I mean, that just such a great line … LMM HOW do you write so good

ALso, I really wanted to link this one really great post here, it’s about when Jefferson says “Did you forget Lafayette?” and then OP put this one scene in Mulan where she holds up her hair into a bun to show the villain she’s the ‘man’. Nvm I can’t explain it well enough but I hope you’ve seen it or will someday because it’s the best

 Washington On Your Side

Someone on Youtube captioned Jefferson’s little laughs at the beginning when Burr first starts to sing as ‘awkward unimpressed chuckling’ and I think that’s genius so I’ll just put it here (note that you can only hear it in the movie itself, it’s not included in the recordings)

*awkward unimpressed chuckling*

BUt also the fact that Jefferson repeatedly mentions Hamilton’s clothes and how he dresses in a rather inappropriate way when meanwhile HE is the one wearing a PINK VELVET COAT is one of the funniest things in the whole musical to me

and in this number when he’s like

The way he primps and preens and dresses like the pits of fashion

I THINK Burr also notices this and even tries to point it out a little, at least that’s what I get from his mimics and gestures in that moment, but maybe that’s just my headcanon lol

 One Last Time

This whole song is really beautiful and tear-jerking ngl :(

Though, in reviewing the incidents of my administration, I am unconscious of intentional error, I am nevertheless too sensible of my defects not to think it probable that I may have committed many errors.

And the rest of the farewell address. Honestly, knowing this is the real transcript of the real speech the real Washington gave and that it was written by the real Hamilton just makes this (real) special imo

 I Know Him

They say George Washington’s yielding his power and stepping away Is that true? I wasn’t aware that was something a person could do

King George really never fails to make me laugh (also can we talk about what Jonathan Groff did with his literal 9 minutes on stage?? amazing)

 The Adams Administration

Literally just the chaos that ensues on stage after Hamilton drops his newspapers

Note that 1) King George runs away in a hilarious manner and 2) Jefferson is actually startled/scared lmaooo

 We Know

hAH! You don’t even know what you’re asking me to confess (CoNfEsS!)

I just love that moment idk it’s kinda satisfying (haha) to see Burr, Madison and Jefferson thinking they have Hamilton cornered only to find out they assumed the completely wrong thing – I mean, at that point, I think I was still kinda rooting for Hamilton ngl

No one else was in the room where it happens …

Idk I just think it’s a very clever little reference, and coming from Burr, I mean, he must know … also Leslie Odom Jr.’s voice is just such a blessing to the ears

Aaand done. Well, almost. Part 4 is here!

#Jule on Hamilsongs #my stuff #Hamilton song rating #(kinda) #hamilton #hamilton movie

[faresramettas]

share the love con panels

thought i’d write down some interesting answers from the cast (there were many more, but i have a bad memory and i took only a few notes)

first of all, before the panels even started the staff told us not to ask questions about season four, we know they are filming it, but they can’t talk about it. so yeah, our hopes and dreams of an announcement or besse making a surprise appearance (🤡) didn’t come true. they never talked about it, when you mentioned it to them they raised their hands or zipped their mouths or were like “idk what u’re talking about 👀😇😬” so obviously they contractually have to keep their mouths shut. but it’s happening y’all!

the only one who slipped, at the very last panel, was rocco and i was the culprit lol. i asked them if they’d imagined the fandom would support them and fight so hard during the cancellation months and bea said no, seeing our hashtags trending almost every day and receiving so much love was touching and incredible. she made rocco talk (mentioned how “he became saint rocco”) and rocco also said he couldn’t imagine the amount of support, and that “the power is all in your hands, and it was worth it-“ and then realized he spoke too much dhshdhfvk the others side-eyed him and he was like “ops” but we all laughed and moved on.

pietro had a lgbtq+ themed panel with an italian youtuber called shanti. they talked a lot about representation, how it changed for the better in the last 20 years or so, how for example right now there’s attention being given to trans* storylines too, and pietro made some really good points about how a show like skam italia should give hope and a positive representation to a young audience, without unnecessary violence or struggles inserted just for tragedy’s sake. how it may seem that martino lives an “easy” and relatively painless experience coming out and being gay, at least in his season, but young queer people should hope and know that that’s possible for them too. he said that he and filippo are different, and it’s good and precious that they are. we don’t know if filippo is an activist, like pietro is, but sometimes sharing one’s personal experience is enough to help. even if filo is not shown as an activist, he is so aware of his identity, he shares his own experience and point of view with marti and it gives marti courage. and that’s enough. finally, i asked what his favorite lgbtq+ tv shows are and he said queer as folk (he realized he was gay thanks to qaf), he absolutely loved euphoria, and thinks sense8 is a masterpiece (but he didn’t finish it smh). he said elite is just cute (😤) and he also told another fan he finished and loved fleabag!!

i also asked pietro what he, besse, rocco and fede were doing in the carrefour parking lot that night in august and he said that supermarket is open 24h and close to his house and he had to go buy groceries so he caught two birds with one stone, called them up and they drank and ate tramezzini (cold sandwiches, besse got a burrito he said) in the parking lot... and yes, they were organizing the revolution.

fede said what he likes the most about martino is his devotion to the people he loves. what he doesn’t like is how sometimes he shuts out the rest of the world, but it’s a problem he has learned to solve.

rocco said he’s thankful that skam italia has given him more awareness on some topics he used to treat superficially. he also talked about how much he relied on ludo and his research to portray bpd respectfully, and he’s glad that people found themselves represented in nico and that he could help them. it’s the greatest compliment. his eyes shine when he talks about nico, he loves his character so much.

a fan asked what was their favorite line to say. rocco’s is “non è figo il mio tipo?”, greta’s is “gli dei sono immortali”, nicholas’s is “sei frocio?”, pietro’s is “l’acqua solo se mi prende fuoco camera” from season 3, fede said “does it have to be my line? cause i like no zì sbagliato” but for his own it’s “minuto per minuto”. i can’t remember bea’s 😭

greta said the girls tend to stick to the script a lot more than the boys, she said ludovico tersigni literally never says a line how it’s written. nicholas confirmed that the boys (contrabbandieri) tend to improvise more and use the script sort of as a base, and that they piss besse off because he says it looks like they go on set just to goof around and gossip and not to do their jobs lol

i asked nicholas if they ate luchino’s pizza crusts. he said he had like 7 kilos of them because they had to retake that scene many many times, cause they wouldn’t stop laughing, as we can see in the bloopers (he also said it was the most fun scene to shoot) and bessegato would just keep adding mustard, ketchup and mayo on them. he felt sick the day after and “tasted mustard for a week”. fyi, nicholas and luchino are literally the same person. there’s no line between the character and the person, i love him so much. he also said he was having the time of his life in bracciano, with the light summer breeze, while the others were dying in their clothes and blankets.

marti’s spirit animal is the fox, fede’s is a golden retriever (debatable but okay). i think rocco said a cat, greta said besse once told her silvia is a goldfish, bea feels like a tiger but thinks sana is an eagle and i didn’t get the rest cause it was all very confusing lol

federico’s panel on sunday was actually very interesting, he is actually quite eloquent and deep when he wants to. he talked about how he really took the “minuto per minuto” philosophy to heart. how he doesn’t set long-term goals for himself, because he wants the freedom to change. how he chose to study medicine because after high school he knew he wanted to keep studying, and a bit like acting, there’s a fundamental human aspect to it that he’s always been interested in.

a fan reminded him it was marti and nico’s anniversary and he said “how are they celebrating? patatine e marmellata or sushi? in nicco’s new house? have our heroes moved there?” and we were all like Bitch u tell us... ofc he didn’t. but he said he imagines marti and nico celebrating their anniversary at a sushi restaurant in porto fluviale, in ostiense (rome). also, fede says their anniversary is bracciano (dec 1st) and rocco says it’s nel mio letto (nov 1st), i’m afraid we have to go with fede on this one.

i think the best question out of every panel was about marti’s interest in gio: was it real, or was it just a fixation? he said it was real interest, that stayed over the summer too. he and ludo had to find a way to show the shift in martino, and it was hard because they switched seasons and so there was no time for it to be gradually shown. however, where they imagined that shift to happen, is in ep1 when gio sleeps in marti’s bed. marti feels uneasy because of his feelings for him, but at the same time, he is uneasy because of the guilt. when he talks with eva on the phone and sees how giovanni reacts to that, how he’s still so clearly into her, he decides he has to move on from him, and gives up any hope or idea to have a relationship with him.

at rocco and fede’s sunday panel, rocco said he admires federico’s dedication to his work and his professionalism. fede and him bantered and bickered a lot, it was adorable, especially when rocco said some nonsense metaphor and fede was like “basta!” and fede kept asking for more compliments. but the question was about what marti and nico liked the most about each other, and federico said “it’s the kind of love where you like someone so much and you don’t even know why” as in, because you like everything about them, so that was beautiful.

a fan asked if there was any embarrassment between them, they said of course initially there was a lil bit of awkwardness, but they warmed up to each other immediately. one of the very first scenes they shot was an intimate one, rocco said the first kiss they shot was nel mio letto and they’d never rehearsed kissing before. amazing.

fede’s favorite color is blue (nicholas’ too).

rocco and nicholas sat in the crowd at the end of fede’s panel and rocco was like “tell us the story of bambi” and fede called him “er lucertola” and said it all started because of a tossico (junkie/drunk), i love them. nicholas made fun of him for his role in “i cesaroni” but fede said he’s only jealous cause they auditioned for the same role but fede got it, and nicholas has him saved as “andy dei cesaroni” in his phone. 

some anecdotes from other moments (m&g, dinners) i found on twitter: federico said when they shot la grotta, there was this whole solemn atmosphere, and then he broke it cause when they finished shooting he realized he had rocco’s snot on his face and he was like “MA CHE CAZZO È, CHE SCHIFO (what the fuck, gross)” and said rocco was always crying on him (i guess referring to the martino e niccolò clip) and rocco was like yes there was a significant exchange of bodily fluids. okay rocchì.

apparently fede likes his beard so much he said he doesn’t recognize himself without it. 

some fans adopted two giraffes in the bioparco di roma in their name as a gift!

rocco cried on the phone with bessegato when skam italia was cancelled. we been knew but it hurts to get the confirmation.

maxence and lukas are two rays of sunshine. not an anecdote, but i felt like saying it.

last but not least, rocco, nicholas and fede went absolutely batshit over @crazybee‘s “alt er besse” shirt. their reactions were priceless. rocco and nicholas took pics of them, nicholas was the one who sent them to besse and he reposted it on ig. forever blessed.

#skam italia #share the love con #text

[ranger-lcat]

Cold Qrow

For @fairy-anon-godmother , who put this idea into the universe.

Qrow catches a cold when they first get to Atlas. Cause it’s cold and he is not dressed for the weather.

Edit - I wrote another part  Edit - I wrote a third part

—

“I meant it when I said it was good to see you.” 

“Uh… yeah… you too.” Qrow mumbles rubbing his neck. 

Ironwood closed the few steps and pulled him into a hug. It took Qrow a moment for his brain to catch up and he rolled his eyes as he returned the gesture. The warmth and familiarity was welcome, even if the metal was extra hard.  They pull away and stand there awkwardly for a moment. Qrow glanced over to where the kids had been prior. It appeared that they had wandered off, lead by the plucky red-head that had saved them earlier. Qrow could still hear her voice echoing down the hall. 

“Is there a place for me to sleep tonight?”

“There is room in my quarters.” James offered. 

“Lead the way.” Qrow waves his hand, gesturing for Ironwood to proceed.

They walk in silence, footsteps against the tiled floor unnaturally loud. The halls were probably less echoey when there were students. Ironwood’s personal quarters were at the top of one of the secondary towers. So there was another awkward elevator ride up.

*Achoo* Qrow sniffs.

“Bless you.” James, ever polite and proper.

“Someone must be talking about me.” He jokes. *Achoo* “Ugh, I bet it’s Winter…” he rubs his nose, trying to get rid of the itch that seemed to settle in it. 

The elevator dinged as they arrived at the top. The apartment was clean, but gave off the feeling that it was more for show than anything. Qrow doubted James spent much time up here. Ironwood walked in first and went straight for the hall closet to pull a set of blankets out.

“Just let me set up the guest room for you.” He says entering one of the other rooms.

“Wait… set up?” He followed Ironwood into the room. There was a bare mattress and boxes filling the floor. It would take some time to have it up to ‘Atlas Standards’. “Woah. Woah. It’s too late to have to set up a room. I’ll be fine on the couch.”

“Are you sure?” 

“Jimmy, I’ve slept on way worse during some of my missions. Just give me a blanket.” Ironwood extracted one of the sheets from his pile, leaving the rest on the bed for the next day.

“Let me at least find you something more comfortable to sleep in.” Ironwood offers, slipping past Qrow and into his own bedroom.

“Is anything you have gonna fit me?” Qrow leans into the doorframe. 

“I’m sure something will work.” He walks over and hands Qrow a set of folded clothes. “Try these. Bathrooms to the right.”

Qrow nodded and took the clothes. The bathroom was clean, but at least it felt lived in. He peeled his gear off, shivering as his skin is exposed to the cold air, and tossing everything onto the hamper James had in the corner. He probably could due with a shower… tomorrow. Instead he put the clothes James had lent him on. Sweatpants and a t-shirt with Atlas Academy printed in them. 

Qrow rolled his eyes, as much as he didn’t want to look like one of the students, his gear wasn’t comfortable to sleep in. He cinched the pants so they would stay up and debated just leaving it at that, sleeping shirtless. Of course that would put all his scars on display… he puts the shirt on. 

James is waiting in his doorway when Qrow leaves. His uniform jacket was off, leaving just the shirt and pants. 

“Are you sure the couch will be ok, it’s more designed for looks than comfort.” 

“Yes, it will be fine.”

—

It was not fine. The couch was soft enough, his body just refused to let him rest. It felt like a haze had fallen over him, rather than sleep. 

Too early he heard a faint beeping that was stopped and replaced with the sounds of Ironwood getting up and moving. 

No use trying to sleep more so Qrow sits up, rubbing his face to try and remove the exhaustion. And the fuzziness. He sniffs. He was congested… great…

It sounded like Ironwood was doing something in the kitchen. Hopefully coffee, before walking into the living room, Qrow can see he’s already dressed in his uniform. 

“Good morning.” James greats him. “Did you sleep well.”

“Fine.” Gods did he really sound that bad. 

“Do you feel ok?”

“I’m fine.” The congestion making that statement unbelievable.

“You don’t sound, or look fine. Let me get a medic.” He pulls out his scroll.

“No. No medic. It’s just a cold. I’m fine.” Qrow waves his hand around. The only thing worse than being sick was doctors. He didn’t need someone to come and tell him to rest and drink fluids. Especially if he planned to ignore them. “I just need some coffee.” 

“I don’t think coffee is gonna fix this, you should rest today.”

“And let the kids loose in Atlas? That seems like a great idea.” Qrow forces himself to stand. His balance feels off but he’s determined to get past James and get himself coffee. 

“I’m sure Penny and the Ace Ops have them covered.” James doesn’t move as Qrow tries to push him out of the way. “And I’m sure they’d tell you the same thing once they noticed.”

“It’s just a cold. I don’t need rest.” Qrow shoves harder, actually getting enough space to walk between Ironwood and the couch. The problem is a few steps away the world tilts. 

He has to blink a few times to realize the only reason he didn’t fall is Ironwood’s arms. He’s still really dizzy. 

“Perhaps you should rest in a bed.”

“You’re not setting up that room for me now.”

“Of course not, mine is free.” 

James could have very easily carried Qrow. Qrow knows it. But it was a point of pride that he still tried to walk, even if clinging to James’s robotic arm was the only way to keep from falling. The bed had been made already, but James pulls the coverers down for him. 

“Always the gentleman.” Qrow mutters as he gets in. Ironwood leaves and returns, placing a glass of water on the nightstand. 

“Is there anything you need?” 

Stay. “Im fine.” 

“Very well, I’ll be back in an hour.”

“What?” Qrow pushes himself up to look at Ironwood, “Don’t you have important meetings?”

“I can do most of it from here, and since you refuse to see a medic—“

“It’s just a cold!”

“And I want to make sure it doesn’t get any worse.” Ironwood straightened his tie. “Now drink your water and get some sleep. There are a couple of things that I need to handle in person. I’ll be back soon.” He closes the door as he leaves. 

Qrow flops back into the bed. He can see the water set on the nightstand and he is kinda thirsty. Rolling over he drinks half and sets it back, or tries too. It ends up tipping off and falling on the ground. 

“Shit…” the glass isn’t broken, just the water soaking into the carpet. He debates for a second before deciding he’s too dizzy and justs leaves it. Instead he buries himself in the covers. 

---

Qrow wakes up with violent sneeze and a sniff. He groaned as the aches in his body made themselves known. Something cool rests on his forehead. His eyes fly open. 

James is resting his metal hand on Qrows forehead, his thumb rubbing circles against his temple. The cool was nice and the gentle touch eased some tension. The natural hand was holding up the scroll displaying official looking documents as James lounged on the bed. 

Qrow grumbled as the scroll buzzed and another message appeared on the screen. That was gonna get annoying.

“Are you feeling better?” Ironwood set his scroll into his lap. It buzzed again.

“Busy as ever I see.” Qrow nuzzles into the cool of the metal palm. James smiles softly.

“I thought you felt warm, so I turned the cooling up.” 

“Useful.”

“Yes. Are you hungry? I brought back some stew for you.”

“Stew for breakfast huh?”

“Most important meal. It needs to be filling.”

“I could eat.” 

James nods and puts his scroll down, leaving to presumably go to the kitchen. The scroll buzzed a few more times, rattling on the nightstand. Qrow glares at it. It was tempting to just throw it out the window, but it was unlikely the windows opened this high up. Instead he tried to grab it so he could turn it off. It slipped out of his hand and flopped onto the carpet. At least now it didn’t rattle when it vibrated.

“And stay there.” He huffed at it.

“Please don’t argue with my scroll, I tend to get more messages when I do.” James returns with a tray.

“Oh, he does remember how to be funny.” Qrow teases. He shuffles to sit up and accept the tray into his lap.

“Unfortunately, I’m not kidding.” He picks the scroll up and reads through the new messages. Sighing heavily and typing a response back.

“So what is this exactly.” Qrow stirred the stew around. Looked like pasta and meat. 

“Goulash. It’s popular with the students from Mantel.”

“Alright then,” he takes a few bites. It was surprisingly flavorful. “Mmm. Spicy.” Qrow sniffs. His congestion was clearing and he could breathe again. 

He practically inhaled the bowl. The heat of the spices filling his stomach. He was sad when it was gone, but he was full anyway. Comfort and warmth pulsing through his body. 

James took the tray away, replacing it with a glass of water. Qrow wishes he had been given that first, the liquid dulled the heat in his core. When that was gone the dishes were taken away and James returned to his relaxed position on the bed, still trying to keep pace with the incoming mail. He’d silenced the notifications at least.

Qrow curled as close to Ironwood as he dared. Apparently not close enough, as he was pulled flush to James’s side, head now resting on his chest. Gentle hair stroking made Qrow relax.

He felt warm and safe.

#rwby #rwby7 #cold qrow #ironqrow #qrow branwen #james ironwood #hurt/comfort #it’s just a cold #fluff #mine #writing

[somegirlsnerdywords2]

Anime i’ve Watched

That begin with a C!

Yep this is how i’m going to bring over all the anime and manga i’ve watched and posted about on the old blog. It’s not so detailed but it will have to do. Anything new I watch or read from this point on will have their own posts.

Cardcaptor Sakura:

Genres: adventure, comedy, drama, magic, romance, fantasy, school, shoujo

Synopsis:  Sakura Kinomoto is your garden-variety ten-year-old fourth grader, until one day, she stumbles upon a mysterious book containing a set of cards. Unfortunately, she has little time to divine what the cards mean because she accidentally stirs up a magical gust of wind and unintentionally scatters the cards all over the world. Suddenly awakened from the book, the Beast of the Seal, Keroberos (nicknamed Kero-chan), tells Sakura that she has released the mystical Clow Cards created by the sorcerer Clow Reed. The Cards are no ordinary playthings. Each of them possesses incredible powers, and because they like acting independently, Clow sealed all the Cards within a book. Now that the Cards are set free, they pose a grave danger upon the world, and it is up to Sakura to prevent the Cards from causing a catastrophe! Appointing Sakura the title of "the Cardcaptor" and granting her the Sealed Key, Keroberos tasks her with finding and recapturing all the Cards. Alongside her best friend Tomoyo Daidouji, and with Kero-chan's guidance, Sakura must learn to balance her new secret duty with the everyday troubles of a young girl involving love, family, and school, all while she takes flight on her magical adventures as Sakura the Cardcaptor. [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 8/10

Finished airing in 2000 with a total of 70 episodes. 

My Thoughts: A childhood classic that’s probably due for a rewatch! Give me that nostalgia! Gonna need to watch the English opening though. Just recalling how much the artwork in older anime tends to make me cringe though looking back Cardcaptor doesn’t look all that bad. 

Charlotte:

Genres: drama, school, superpower

Synopsis: While on the surface Yuu Otosaka appears to be just another charming and intelligent teenager, he has a secret—he has the ability to slip into people's minds and fully control their body for five seconds at a time. Yuu has been using this skill for years to gain the highest grades, which allowed him to enter a prestigious high school. When the enigmatic Nao Tomori catches Yuu using his power, she coerces him and his sister Ayumi into transferring to Hoshinoumi Academy, a school for students with supernatural abilities. The student council of the school, led by Nao, is tasked with secretly tracking down adolescents who abuse their powers. Yuu is forced to join the student council and together, they face formidable challenges that bring him closer to the shocking truth that his own, seemingly incomplete ability, might be more powerful than he could have ever imagined. An original story from Jun Maeda, creator of Angel Beats and Clannad, Charlotte explores the supernatural lives of these teenagers and the price they must pay for being special. [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 9/10

Finished airing in 2015 with a total of 13 episodes. Also has a separate solo special episode. 

My Thoughts: If I remember correctly the final few episodes are what really stood out to me in this anime. The beginning was alright but just after the half way mark is when it really blew me away. A slow starter if you will. I’m a sucker for some high intensity emotional drama and i’m pretty sure that’s what happened here. Whether that makes this a good anime or not is debatable. Perhaps a rewatch is in order?

Cheer Danshi!! (Cheer Boys!!):

Genres: sports, drama, school

Synopsis: After suffering from a shoulder injury, shy first-year university student Haruki Bandou gladly takes the opportunity to give up judo, failing to find happiness in the sport regardless of his family owning a dojo. He did not expect, however, that his best friend Kazuma Hashimoto would also decide to leave their university's judo club at the same time as him. Despite Haruki's protests, Kazuma already has plans for a new and revolutionary activity: a cheerleading team made up of only men. Although heavily reluctant, Haruki ends up helping his friend set up the team. Through sheer determination, and with support from their newfound club members, Haruki and Kazuma persist in founding the Breakers, the first ever all-male cheerleading team of Meishiin University, slowly making history in spite of the feminine tag attached to the sport of cheerleading and the prejudices, physical challenges, and self-doubts that inevitably follow. [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 6/10

Finished airing in 2016 with a total of 12 episodes. 

My Thoughts: Cheer boys! That’s it. That’s all there really is to it. Not a great or memorable anime. Just wasn’t for me. 

Chihayafuru:

Genres: drama, game, josei, school, slice of life, sports

Synopsis:  Chihaya Ayase, a strong-willed and tomboyish girl, grows up under the shadow of her older sister. With no dreams of her own, she is contented with her share in life till she meets Arata Wataya. The quiet transfer student in her elementary class introduces her to competitive karuta, a physically and mentally demanding card game inspired by the classic Japanese anthology of Hundred Poets. Captivated by Arata's passion for the game and inspired by the possibility of becoming the best in Japan, Chihaya quickly falls in love with the world of karuta. Along with the prodigy Arata and her haughty but hard-working friend Taichi Mashima, she joins the local Shiranami Society. The trio spends their idyllic childhood days playing together, until circumstances split them up. Now in high school, Chihaya has grown into a karuta freak. She aims to establish the Municipal Mizusawa High Competitive Karuta Club, setting her sights on the national championship at Omi Jingu. Reunited with the now indifferent Taichi, Chihaya's dream of establishing a karuta team is only one step away from becoming true: she must bring together members with a passion for the game that matches her own. [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 9.5/10

Finished airing in 2012 with a total of 25 episodes. 

My Thoughts: I freaking love Chihayafuru. Sports, friendship and all that good stuff is what this anime has to offer! One of my top 5 series of all time with my all time favourite female lead. Highly recommend! 

Chihayafuru 2:

Genres: drama, game, josei, school, slice of life, sports

Synopsis: Chihaya Ayase is obsessed with developing her school's competitive karuta club, nursing daunting ambitions like winning the national team championship at the Omi Jingu and becoming the Queen, the best female karuta player in Japan—and in extension, the world. As their second year of high school rolls around, Chihaya and her fellow teammates must recruit new members, train their minds and bodies alike, and battle the formidable opponents that stand in their way to the championship title. Meanwhile, Chihaya's childhood friend, Arata Wataya, the prodigy who introduced her to karuta, rediscovers his lost love for the old card game. [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 10/10

Finished airing in 2013 with a total of 25 episodes. 

My Thoughts: The good times keep on rolling and i’m even more in love with the series and its characters! An obvious must watch for fans of the previous season. 

Chihayafuru 3:

Genres: games, slice of life, josei, school, sports

Synopsis: Winning the high school team tournament was a great accomplishment for the Mizusawa members. Each of them has made great strides in improving themselves, and the victory symbolizes how far they've come. But after accomplishing one goal, their individual aims are within reach. Chihaya Ayase has her sights set on Wakamiya Shinobu and the title of Queen, and now that Taichi Mashima has made it into Class A, he can finally compete against Arata Wataya. Everyone in Mizusawa wants to get better, and there's no telling what the future holds if they keep trying. [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 9/10

Finished airing in 2020 with a total of 24 episodes.

My Thoughts: Blessed with a third season and I can honestly say that i’m ever so thankful! Finally getting a little hint of romance with this third season as well. I can only hope there will be a season 4! 

Chio-chan no Tsuugakuro (Chio's School Road):

Genres: comedy, seinen

Synopsis: For the average Japanese high school student, walking to school can be a chore, but for first-year Chio Miyamo, it's always an adventure. Constantly running late due to her long night sessions playing video games, she is forced to come up with new routes to make it to Samejima Private Academy on time. On her many bizarre journeys to school, Chio contends with obstacles like street-blocking detours, overzealous kabaddi players, and befuddled motorcycle gang leaders. But these minor hindrances are no match for the special ops training that Chio, AKA the legendary assassin "Bloody Butterfly," has received from her extensive gaming obsession. Together with her best friends Manana Nonomura and Yuki Hosokawa, Chio will do whatever it takes to avoid her school's harsh penalties for tardiness. [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 9/10

Finished airing in 2018 with a total of 12 episodes. 

My Thoughts: A perfect and hilarious situational comedy. Plus a glasses wearing female lead to boot! Highly recommend for those looking to watch something short and light. Great series for when you’re having a bad or off day in my opinion. 

Chobits:

Genres: sci-fi, comedy, drama, romance, ecchi, seinen

Synopsis: When computers start to look like humans, can love remain the same? Hideki Motosuwa is a young country boy who is studying hard to get into college. Coming from a poor background, he can barely afford the expenses, let alone the newest fad: Persocoms, personal computers that look exactly like human beings. One evening while walking home, he finds an abandoned Persocom. After taking her home and managing to activate her, she seems to be defective, as she can only say one word, "Chii," which eventually becomes her name. Unlike other Persocoms, however, Chii cannot download information onto her hard drive, so Hideki decides to teach her about the world the old-fashioned way, while studying for his college entrance exams at the same time. Along with his friends, Hideki tries to unravel the mystery of Chii, who may be a "Chobit," an urban legend about special units that have real human emotions and thoughts, and love toward their owner. But can romance flourish between a Persocom and a human? [Written by MAL Rewrite]

My Rating: 10/10

Finished airing in 2002 with a total of 26 episodes. 

My Thoughts: One of my first animes and one that really caught and kept my attention. Character driven and comedic with a bit of a darker twist. Be forewarned though this one has some typical, eye roll inducing pervy scenes that seem to serve little purpose. Asid from that though it really is an interesting and beautiful stoyr. I actually have the complete manga series and have been meaning to read it for ages... maybe i’ll get around to it this summer. Dream big!

#cardcaptor sakura #anime #charlotte #cheer boys!! #Cheer Danshi!! #chihayafuru #chihayafuru 2 #chihayafuru 3 #chio-chan no tsuugakuro #chio's school road #chobits

[lastsonlost]

Just when you thought this story could not get any more disgusting.

Now we have one slimy disgusting trash person being offended by a whole group of slimy disgusting trash people.

The Des Moines Register reporter fired in the wake of a scandal involving offensive tweets — posted by a viral star he interviewed and then his own — broke his silence Friday, telling BuzzFeed News he had been “abandoned” by the newspaper after following standard editorial practice by performing a social media search on the person he was profiling.

“This event basically set my entire life on fire,” reporter Aaron Calvin said.

Calvin, 27, was dismissed by the Iowa newspaper Thursday evening following criticism online in the wake of his article about 24-year-old casino security worker Carson King.

On Sept. 14 at the Iowa State University vs. University of Iowa football game in Ames, King had appeared in the background of ESPN’s College GameDay holding a sign that said “Busch Light Supply Needs Replenished,” along with his Venmo handle. After King received $600, he announced he would instead donate his growing beer fund to a local children’s hospital. The fundraiser soon went viral, and Venmo and Anheuser-Busch offered to match the donations. King wound up raising over $1 million, and he was quickly catapulted into being a local legend and viral internet hero.

Upon the fundraiser hitting the million-dollar mark, Calvin decided to profile King, whom he’d already covered in several stories. But soon Calvin, who worked as a BuzzFeed employee between 2013 and 2014, found two racist tweets King had posted when he was 16. Calvin wrote that the tweets, which have since been deleted, were jokes “comparing black mothers to gorillas and another making light of black people killed in the Holocaust.”

Calvin told BuzzFeed News it’s standard practice at the Des Moines Register to background check people they profile through court records and social media. “I was reminded by an editor to background Carson...and I found a few tweets that he published in high school that were racist jokes,” he said. “I knew if I found them, other people would find them as well.”

Des Moines Register executive editor Carol Hunter declined to comment for this story, but referred BuzzFeed News to an op-ed she published in which she called “backgrounding” an “essential” part of reporting. “The process helps us to understand the whole person,” she wrote.

Calvin said his editors told him to ask King about the tweets, so he did. "He was deeply regretful, and I recognized that these were not representative artifacts of Carson,” Calvin said.

In writing his profile, Calvin said he decided to include just a “brief mention of these tweets and his apology at the bottom of this profile, after the glowing synopsis of his charity.” The reporter said he felt an obligation to share the information he’d uncovered with the public, but thought he did so in a “thoughtful” way that showed the tweets no longer showed King’s worldview.

He also maintained he did this with the full blessing and awareness of senior editors. “Throughout this entire process of the discovery and inclusion of the tweets, the editor knew, the editorial board knew, and the executive editor knew how I’d included them and handled them for the article, and as far as I knew, approved of that,” he said.

On Tuesday night, before the profile was published, King held a press conference to apologize for the tweets, which he said had been found by a reporter. He said he wrote the posts when he was a high school sophomore and had been making reference to the show Tosh.0.

“In re-reading it today — eight years later — I see it was an attempt at humor that was offensive and hurtful,” he continued. “I am embarrassed and stunned to reflect on what I thought was funny when I was 16 years old. I want to sincerely apologize.”

Anheuser-Busch cut ties with King after the press conference. King said he did not blame Calvin, saying that he appreciated that he’d pointed out the tweets and had simply wanted to apologize. “The Des Moines Register has been nothing but kind in all of their coverage, and I appreciate the reporter pointing out the post to me,” he tweeted.

Upon publishing the story, Calvin said he was immediately met with criticism from people across Iowa who accused him of trying to denigrate a local hero.

But any media ethics debate about the newsworthiness of tweets written by someone when they were a teenager was soon swept aside by a tidal wave of harassment, doxing, and death threats Calvin received.

Soon, influential right-wing media figures also began circulating screenshots of Calvin’s own past offensive tweets that had been uncovered. In posts dating back to 2010, Calvin had used “gay” as a pejorative, written “fuck all cops,” and spelled out the word “niggas” twice when he was quoting others, including a Kanye West lyric. “Now that gay marriage is legal,” he wrote in one 2012 tweet, “I’m totally going to marry a horse.”

Calvin told BuzzFeed News these were “frankly embarrassing” tweets that he “would not have published today,” but said they had been “taken out of context” and were being used to “wield disingenuous arguments against me.”

Calvin said editors at the Des Moines Register directed him to apologize in a tweet, which he said he agreed to do because he was “afraid and just trying to comply with what I was being told so I could possibly hold onto my job.”

In the tweet, Calvin apologized for “not holding myself to the same high standards as The Register holds others.”

“I regret publishing that tweet now,” Calvin told BuzzFeed News. “Because I was never trying to hold Carson to any kind of ‘higher standard’ or any kind of standard at all. I was trying to do my job as a reporter, and I think I did so to the best of my ability.”

As soon as the story broke, Calvin said he began receiving a barrage of death threats. He said HR reps at Gannett, which owns the Des Moines Register, forbade him from speaking to the media and told him to leave his apartment for his own safety. They offered to put him up in a hotel, but he stayed with a friend instead.

“I recognize that I’m not the first person to be doxed like this — this whole campaign was taken up by right-wing ideologues and largely driven by that force,” he said. “It was just a taste of what I assume that women and journalists of color suffer all the time, but the kind of locality and regional virality of the story made it so intense.”

On Thursday, while he was speaking to police about the death threats, Calvin said he got a call from Gannett representatives. “They told me they were going to offer me an option — that I could resign or I could be fired — with no severance,” he said. “It was really a semantic difference, I guess, so I chose to be fired.”

A Gannett spokesperson told BuzzFeed News the company does not comment on personnel matters.

In her op-ed, Hunter, the executive editor, wrote they were now evaluating how reporters perform background checks on subjects and what information should be published from those checks. She said their focus was partly on “the shift in social media culture and how activities on those platforms reflect upon a person’s newsworthiness in general.”

With regard to Calvin’s firing, Hunter wrote that they “took appropriate action because there is nothing more important in journalism than having readers’ trust.”

King did not respond to a request for comment on Calvin’s dismissal.

Calvin said he hasn’t heard from Gannett or his newsroom leaders since his firing, but said some of his former coworkers have reached out in support.

Though Calvin said he regrets his tweets, he thinks they were taken out of context by bad actors to make him look like a racist and homophobe. “As I said when I was speaking with Carson, I don’t think people’s past social media statements should be made to make blanket characterizations about them,” he said.

He also expressed his frustration about the “false narrative about me ‘canceling’ Carson.”

“Carson was never in danger of being canceled — there was no attempt or intent to quote-unquote ‘cancel’ him,’” Calvin said. “He’s raised hundreds of thousands more dollars since this happened. The governor of Iowa declared a ‘Carson King Day.’”

(“You can make a mistake in your life, and still go on to do amazing things,” Gov. Kim Reynolds tweeted Wednesday. “@CarsonKing2, thank you for reminding us all of that! #IowaProud.”)

Calvin said he’s still afraid to go out in public and is still staying at his friend’s house. He isn’t sure what he will do next, but hopes he can keep reporting.

“I’m just taking it day by day,” he said. “I feel like I’m a good writer and a good reporter and I was doing my job to the best of my ability.”

Calvin said he also still deeply believes in the “necessity of local journalism.”

“Frankly, it’s really disappointing to me to be abandoned by my former employer,” he said. “I still in a lot of ways support the Register — I just wish they had believed in me.”

Have you ever read so much bullshit that it made you almost vomit in your mouth?

This motherfucker just try to roast a man's life and is now trying to play the victim after he got a dose of his own hypocritical medicine.

Also BuzzFeed is in rare form today. We have both the right-wing Boogeyman, online harassment and women and people of color being in votes for pity points.

Did you ever see obvious manipulation look so obvious?

#carson king #Aaron Colvin #buzzfeed #call out culture

[kybercrystalhealing]

@emberkyrlee replied to your post “#OP YES #thicc kallus is absolutely where it’s at #normalize...”

I will happily consume whatever Kal content artists want to give. I love me some soft!Kal and I love me some abs!Kal. Just... gimme moar Kal!

I MEAN i respect all interpretations as valid & will similarly enjoy ANY kallus but like. i’m solidly on one side of this debate. (he had abs. he left with them with the empire.)

(the intake on Yavin IV is understandably hurried—there are people with far more serious injuries than his, and he has extremely time-sensitive information to convey to rebel command—but when a few months go by without anyone conducting a full physical, he wonders if he’s just been missed. perhaps he failed to present himself to the right person, or at the right time, and now he’s been omitted from the schedule; while it’s a blessing in a way—he’s always hated medical exams, he can admit that now—he's still aware that he ought to resolve it before his status declines any further past sub-optimal and someone of rank actually notices.

eventually he asks zeb whether there’s a particular process he ought to be following, but zeb just looks at him oddly: “is there something wrong? are you hurt?” and he has to explain that no, there’s nothing wrong—nothing beyond the steady new ache of his thigh, the old familiar one of his shoulder, the limited range of motion in his thrice-broken wrist—but no one has reviewed his physical condition in nearly a quarter of a year, and he isn’t actually trying to evade assessment. zeb seems far less concerned about this and far more concerned about his extremely boring list of old injuries, but he walks kal over to the medical centre anyway, flags down a cheerful pantoran medic on his break.

but then the medic just—hops up on a crate and asks to see his wrist. rotates it, gently—not even pushing it past the point of pain—and makes a face. scribbles something down and tells him to come back in a few days for an injection, once the next supply shipment comes in.

kallus sits there, waiting.

“something else?” says the medic. glances at the door, such as it is—just a curtain between two shipping containers—of the exam room. “we can find somewhere more private, if you like,” he says. “we’re a little strapped for space, but there’s probably an office we can use.”

“no,” kallus says. clearly the point hasn’t been made. steels himself: “i haven’t had a full physical since i arrived,” he says.

the medic blinks at him. “oh,” he says. “man, i forgot you used to be an Imperial.” kallus isn’t sure whether he ought to be pleased about that or not; it must show in his face, because the medic chuckles slightly. "it's a compliment, i promise." he snaps his glove off, tossing it into the makeshift cleaning station. "no, we don't really do than whole--regime thing. no time, and the 'optimal body' is kind of nonsense anyway, when you're a multi-species initiative."

some part of him wants to protest: all those years of careful metrics, of stress tests and caliper checks and dynamic rationing intended to maintain body mass within a specific three-point variable percentage window must have been for something. but the medic knows his business: kallus has learned that in the alliance people tend to. he sits there, looking blankly into middle distance, feeling--lost, a little. a little free.

"if there's nothing else," the medic says, edging towards the door. "come back when the supplies are in and we'll see about that wrist."

kallus puts on his jacket and walks out into the corridor, where zeb is still inexplicably waiting for him. "good?" zeb says, looking him over.

"good," says kallus. "i think i’m good.”)

#emberkyrlee #i would fight for soft!kallus #asides

[burlybanner]

Bitter (ScienceBrosWeek 2019)

Summary: Anger and alcohol. Politics and people. And a little angst will lead them.

(Third verse, same as the first, but a little bit louder and a little bit worse).

Disclaimer: This is different from my usual style and I’m not sure where this story is going. So I’m not sure when I’ll continue. But keep me honest; it’ll happen eventually.

Addendum: I’m sorry, I still can’t explain this story. Not because I don’t want to. It’s because this is a self-driving bus and my subconscious has serious road rage.

Unbeta’d baby.

Reference: Dust(1), Drip(2)

**

Tony drank two more shots - maybe three; Bruce wasn’t counting. Then he dragged over a chair, plonking it beside Bruce’s soft sell.

“All or nothing, right?”

Those same words were teased over him when Tony brought him to SI. They shook on a contract - exclusivity of anything he created, all patents returned to their rightful owners. In return he could do whatever he wanted. Create whatever he wanted. Research anything he wanted. Bruce dreamed of unlimited research grants since college and he didn’t have to run and hide. Tony gave it to him.

Should’ve known there was a catch.

“I should’ve read the fine print.”

“Wouldn’t have mattered. In the end I usually get what I want.” Tony gestured to the mini bar. Bruce opened it, found glasses and a few bottles.

“Glenlivet?” 

“Only if you’re having some,” Tony said, gazing at Bruce with hopeful eyes.

“Could never say no to you,” Bruce sighed. He dragged out two glasses and plunked one on the bookshelf. “I quit a while back, you know.”

Tony poured a jigger in his glass and made a face. “Ice, Brucie. You never forget ice.”

Bruce rolled his eyes and rooted around the mini bar freezer, for ice. “You’ve got metal cubes in here.”

“Yeah. They’re better. They don’t dilute the flavor.”

Bruce made a noise of disgust. “I’ll take the regular ice, thanks.” He grabbed a handful of ice with Tony’s cubes and hand-carried them over. Then he dropped the metal cubes in Tony’s glass, and transferred the regular ice to his.

“Heathen.”

“It’s what you like about me.” Bruce barely tasted the liquor, but the bitter drink burned his tongue like fire. Like Tony. And because he didn’t feel like getting burned, he kept the drink at bay, hoping the ice would dilute the liquor until it became palatable to him.

“I can’t believe you gave up whisky, though. You used to drink it with Rhodey and me in college!”

“It was still a bad idea.” Bad idea then, bad idea now, Bruce thought, staring blankly at his glass. It killed his dad, and nearly caught him in the net. He could still handle beer and wine, just not the hard stuff. Probably a mental block but he didn’t want to dig too deeply into Jungian theories today. 

Picking up his glass, he twisted it in his hands. “I came back messed up. I didn’t need more of this to make it worse.”

“Valid point,” Tony muttered. He took another gulp of his drink and stared at Bruce through soulful lashes, knowing what it did to him. “So...hypothetically.”

“Hypothetically,” Bruce parroted. “Go on.”

“Hypothetically.” Tony knocked back the rest of his drink and grabbed the bottle. “There’s a chance the world might go cocks over tea cups in a few years.”

Bruce shrugged. “That’s always been true. The world’s one mistake from a unilateral nuclear war.”

“Lovin’ that optimism, doc.”

Bruce took another forbidden sip and shuddered at the bite. “Nothing short of the truth. Idiots in government multiply like retroviruses, infecting the world.” And he would know, he’d been on the receiving end of a lot of governments and their idiotic decisions. He was a plaything. Anything to get him in the news or on their dockets, to fight for a cause that wasn’t his.

“But.” Tony took another sip. “What if you could...tweak the playing field? Just a little mind you,” Tony said, holding up a hand, knowing Bruce itched to fight him. “What if you could take the decisions out of their hands, just for a while?”

Bruce rolled his lips, letting a bullish sigh filter through his nostrils. He took another small drink and swallowed before answering. “Hypothetically.”

“Sure.”

“I’d think...it’d just make things worse in the end. Anyone who fucks around with godlike powers ends up dead. Or worse.” He peered at Tony over his glass. “Can you handle worse?”

“I’ve handled worse.” Tony took another drink. “So’ve you.”

“But not...” Bruce shook his head. Fuck it, he thought, knocking back the bitterness in his glass. “I’m not gonna swap ‘who got hurt worse/who deserves revenge’ stories. Yeah, I’d love to get back at everyone. But trust me, Tony. When you do get revenge? It’s nothing like you’d thought it’d be.” He chuckled darkly. “The cake is a lie.”

Tony laughed. “You still play?”

“Every once in a while, when the rage gets too high. Better than an AK-47 in a shopping mall.”

Tony made a noncommittal noise and they quietly continued drinking. Against his better judgment Bruce grabbed the bottle and refilled his glass. The numbness felt good - too good, really. He’d have to cut himself off in time.

Bruce tentatively bit his lower lip. “Are we done with hypotheticals, now?”

Tony shrugged. Bruce used it as permission and took a large sip of whisky. “So, the people out there. Who aligned with who first?”

“Dunno,” Tony said, refilling his own glass. He was miles ahead of Bruce as far as the drink went but nowhere near tipsy. “I met Nick about ten years ago. We swapped stories, same as you and I are doing now. All hypotheticals, of course. He knew Dad, worked with him on a few deals, came to a few random conclusions around the same time I did. Nick had the people and I had the money.”

“And you had this underground legacy, where everything came together.”

“Yep.” Tony took another drink. He twirled his glass on the bookshelf, between his nimble fingers. “The cave was totally off the books. Dad told me and no one else, and his secret went with him to the grave; on paper, this is an abandoned mine owned by A which is owned by B, who’s owned by C...ad infinitim. Untraceable.” 

Tony’s eyes sought Bruce’s blessing but Bruce wasn’t sure what lies and secrets his expression held. “I would’ve told you earlier, Bruce. Believe me, I would’ve.”

Bruce shrugged. Drink began tugging at his defenses, his sips becoming gulps. “The timing sucked, if we’re talking ten years ago. I’d’ve just gotten back to the States.”

“I signed you on, on the spot.”

“Because I didn’t have anywhere else to go.” Bruce bit back choppy, shallow breaths because his past would always haunt him. “I think I did fuck-all, except curl up in your bathroom for a year. ‘Telecommuter,’ my ass.”

Tony laughed. “Yeah. Justifying that to Pepper was a bit of a spin, but there’s a reason she’s my CEO. She was up to the task. All you had to do was review the schematics for R&D and sign off on them. Didn’t take a rocket scientist.”

“Heh. I read them, at least I did that much.” Bruce took a long drink. The conversation had finally swung ‘round to the elephant in the room, and he decided to take the bait. “Reminds me. Where’s Rhodey? What’s he up to?” 

Does he know about your schemes? Is he reporting back to his military liaisons? How much trouble are you in?

“Around,” Tony said offhandedly, and Bruce nearly exploded. How much pulling would he have to do to drag out the fucking truth? “He’s...here.”

“He knew about this place? For how long?” Bruce couldn’t help himself. The words spilled out, revealing his angry, bitter heart. 

“Five years ago.” Tony finished his glass. Refilled it. Rinse, repeat. 

Bruce sat back in his chair, all of it dawning on him. “After he’d retired.”

“Forced out,” Tony corrected. “He didn’t tell you, but he’s still sore about it. He deserved that full-bird promotion but instead they sent him to Aleppo for one last insurgency.” Tony’s eyes hardened. Bruce felt hot and bitter rage wafting from Tony’s shoulders, the same rage he imagined helped build SHIELD.  “Total ambush. But you can only cover up so much shit in the military before it starts stinking. He found out he’d been targeted, of course. No one would say how or why, but he knew. Still had to smile pretty for the camera after getting his leg blown off.”

Tony grabbed a decorative pouf and draped his legs across. “Guess it could’ve been worse, he was supposed to get killed. ‘Not on my watch,’ he joked. You saw that right? On the news? The kids memed it for months.”

“I saw.” Back then he’d wondered why Rhodey’s eyes looked so bitter and sad, despite the triumphant grin across his lips. Like everyone else, he thought Rhodes was angry about his leg. Thought that was the reason he pulled away from Bruce.

God. He’d been such an ass. A clueless ass. 

Bruce peered into his glass. He was already drunk, not a good sign. He forced the anger down and shoved his tumbler away. 

“So how does this work?” He couldn’t hide his tone’s bite. “You have a fucking paramilitary black ops team, ready to do your bidding. Assuming Rhodey has the balls to manipulate the US military, and assuming--” Bruce stretched his arms like the scales of justice, scanning the room “--assuming none of your insurgents here talk, or go to the FBI, or anyone else--”

“They won’t.” Tony shook his head. “They’re free to go wherever they want, but most of them work and live...here. They’re that committed.”

Bruce’s mouth fell open and he stared at Tony a beat before ripping his glasses off his face and throwing them across the room. “God dammit, Tony. God fucking dammit.”

“Bruce--”

“No. Don’t. Do not ‘Bruce’ me right now.” He shot up from his chair and debated flipping his chair because of his absolute rage. “You’re running a fucking god damned paramilitary organization with, with what? Plans to  incinerate the fucking planet? These are people, Tony! They’re not your little fucking toy soldiers!”

“I know that! Shit, Bruce. Just...” 

“You’re too fucking rich, Tony. Too rich, too fucking removed.” Bruce screwed his eyes tight and tugged his hair, concentrating on keeping himself at a level he could control. He paced haltingly but at least Tony didn’t match his anger. He could’ve. In the past they’d screamed themselves hoarse until Rhodey flipped them off and left the apartment because he couldn’t take their volcanic rages. Rhodey was the coolant to their meltdowns. The only one who could handle their hot heads.

But Rhodey wasn’t here, and Tony wasn’t biting back, so it was all on him. Just him. 

He could do this. He could.

But the emotion had to go somewhere, so the anger pooled into his eyes, overrunning his tear ducts. Until he couldn’t help himself. “God dammit.”

He sniffed. He felt his glasses digging into his side and he snatched them from Tony’s hands. “Fuck you.”

“Whatever it takes.” 

Then Tony handed him a box of tissues while he fumbled with his glasses, waiting for Bruce to calm down enough before clearing his throat. “We should talk more. Tomorrow. When you’re sober, when I’m sober. Today was a lot to take in, I know.”

“Do you?” Bruce spat back.

“It’s been a long day,” Tony continued, ignoring Bruce’s retort. “I’ve...there’re two more doors in here. Right door’s the bathroom, left...is my bedroom. Or you can sleep in the barracks.”

Bruce glared at him.

“My room it is, then.”

At this point Bruce moved purely on autopilot while his broken mind dredged up past indiscretions and lonely hearts. It wasn’t hard; the memories always lingered in Bruce’s mind, close to the surface, of the very big bed in Tony’s room and the three of them alternating between middle, big and little spoon.

“Do you want--”

“Company, yes. Don’t ask me why. I’m not sober enough to say.”

Tony didn’t say another word. Instead he silently lead Bruce to his bedroom. His fingers paused before Bruce, hesitated, until Bruce gave him a soft nod. Tony tenderly removed Bruce’s clothes until all he wore were boxers, and folded the clothes neatly in a corner. Tony then took off his own clothes - save his boxers - and turned down the satin sheets of the king-sized bed. 

“Come on,” Tony encouraged. His voice was flat but not cold, and Bruce welcomed it.

He crawled beside Tony and Tony wrapped his arms around him, feeling like a weighted blanket. Bruce wasn’t sure about anything anymore. He didn’t know what to think or feel or what was okay to think, or feel. The day was already a blur. But here, now, this was okay. It had been decades since they’d done such a thing but the body never forgets. 

He succumbed to sleep in Tony’s arms.

#sciencebrosweek2019 #sciencebrosweek #@sciencebrosweek #chapter three of who is driving this insane bus I don't know do you #bitter #don't know where I'm going your guess is as good as mine #ideas are fun though #and I am this story's namesake #this is getting dark dears #science bros #tony stark #bruce banner #james rhodes #might as well say it's poly at this point

[klutzdeluxe]

My Second Ritual - Omaha 11/6/2018

Okay. Finally, my second ritual. So it was over a month ago at this point, and I cannot believe I never put up my notes about it! It was amazeballs. Just as good as my first one in Kansas City! I met up with some super cool fans from a Facebook group beforehand and we got some supper. Some of us were VIP/photo op, so after we ate, we waited in line together. They helped me keep my sanity because I was absolutely FREAKING OUT about meeting the Cardinal. Thanks, guys! I’ve never met any sort of celebrity before. EVER.

~The moment I stepped through that curtain, I was a goner. I briefly made eye contact, felt my soul leave my body, and couldn’t look him in the face again. I shook his hand and he said, “Oh that’s quite the tight grip you’ve got!” or something along those lines. My brain short-circuits and I think I’m hurting him or some shit. I yelp, “I’m sorry!” and practically drop his hand. He wraps an arm around me and helps guide me to the photo spot because all I can do is mumble about never having done a photo op before and look at my feet. He holds me and we take the photo. I get my wits together enough to tell him, “Take care of yourself on the road!” and the Cardinal says he will and thanks me. I was so starstruck that I forgot to give my name, ask for a hug, or tell him basically anything I wanted to, so I was upset about it for a few days.

~In the end, the picture turned out decent, which is rare because I’m unphotogenic af. Plus I wrote him a card (with a cat on the front) with everything I wanted to say in it and was able to get it to another fan to give to him at their photo op. In that, I had some closure.

~We chatted with a few security guards before the show, and they really didn’t know anything about Ghost but seemed eager to learn about them. Later on, I saw the same guards bobbing their heads during the performance and taking a million pictures on their phones. It was great to see.

~To the ritual! I was third row in the orchestra pit, to my left, in which the seating was a bunch of folding chairs that would definitely not be staying in place. BOOM. Ended up right in Aether’s line of view this time. Eye contact immediately when the curtain went up during “Ashes.” Persisted throughout the whole night.

~For the record, if you’re toward the front during any show, it’s really not that hard to snag the attention of the band members. Especially if you’re a jumpy, bouncy bitch who sings along to everything like me. I was at it with my hands up the entire way through. INSTANTLY this was different than the Kansas City show. They sounded so fresh and ALIVE. You could tell they had the day off before.

~Periodically throughout the show, Aether would be jumping in time with my bunny-hopping, looking at me. It made me so freaking happy. What a goof!

~The Cardinal was annoyed about it being a Tuesday, so he made us pretend it was a Friday night instead.

~I think I got to hear him say, “For shits and giggles” at one point. I’ve never felt so blessed.

~I was one of the few belting out “Lord of silence/Desolated one/Vengeance is his” during the bridge of “Idolatrine.” Copia stared at me, gestured at me, and conducted my screechy singing.

~Waving my hands around, conducting the ghouls while they played “Devil Church” and getting various head tilts and “wtf” stares from them.

~At this point, I had been interacting with Aether from my spot quite a bit, so I cheered him on as loudly as I could during the pre-Cirice duel with Dewdrop. This time, he lost on trying to pick out A-ha’s “Take on Me.” For some stupid ass reason, my brain couldn’t figure out what the song was until I saw a video of it the next day.

~THE LITTLE GIRL GETTING CIRICED. I DIED. IT WAS SO PRECIOUS. We were all clapping so loudly for her. Also props to her for having the coolest dad in the world. I believe she did the photo op too.

~As “Cirice” ended, Aether pointed at me and attempted to throw me a guitar pick. He whiffed it, as it ended up in the hands of a man in front and to the right of me instead. Now, I missed his pick in Kansas City due to a similar circumstance, so I kind of just shrugged and pouted at him, and Aether shakes his head and throws his hands up in an apologetic gesture. I’m a bit sour about missing yet ANOTHER pick from him.

~Conducting the ghouls again during “Miasma” and just absolutely losing myself dancing to it, as you do. Aether was watching me dance. At this point, the chairs have really been moved around, in and out of the rows.

~Copia telling us to clap on the 2 and 4 of “Jigolo Har Megiddo.” The dude next to me sassed him saying, “So, 1 and 3?” very loudly. Copia stopped short and said, “NO! No, that’s stupid!”

~Copia conducting us during the vocalizing at the end of “Pro Memoria.” There’s nothing like it. It’s one of my favorite bits. Cue my screechy singing again in order to be loud.

~Dew didn’t come over to our side of the stage much but he did at some point and gave me a head tilt. I doubt he remembered me from KC. I’m kind of plain-looking.

~Swiss noticed me and started copying my dance moves during “Witch Image.” Just different ways of swaying and small hops.

~So it’s “Life Eternal” again and I’m crying. No meaningful interactions with the ghouls this time, BUT I got the smug satisfaction of seeing Dewdrop NOT interact with anyone during the song like he did with me in Kansas City. I’m horrible, sorryyyy. Chatted with some wonderful people around me during intermission.

~”Spirit” and “From the Pinnacle to the Pit” go by, and I’m getting real antsy about not still having a pick from Aether. I noticed that there is a wide open space (due to chairs being shifted and people not coming back from intermission) right in front of the stage, directly in front of Aether. “Majesty” starts up and I see that a few people have already jumped rows. I debated for a bit, looked security (who weren’t giving a rat’s ass), and climbed over seats to the open spot at the front. All of us in the VIP section paid the same price to be there, after all. Aether cocked his head at me, seeming surprised to see that I moved, and then just nodded.

~OMAHA, I’M SO PROUD OF YOU. We sang that chorus loud and proud during “Satan Prayer.” Copia was SO satisfied with us! Also his cape didn’t fasten properly so it was undone for most of the song; I nearly imploded. Also, several pairs of panties and maybe a bra were tossed onstage during this song. Copia picked up one pair and cracked a joke about, “Someone in the audience standing there bare-assed.” The other undergarments sat up there sadly, to be carried off by an unfortunate stage crewman when the song ended.

~Have I mentioned that ”Faith” is such a jam? I threw my neck out again. During the live performances, the Cardinal adds a growl during the intro that I can feel in my ass. Also Copia acts like he’s waving away a fart behind him during the “A fecal trail across the land” line. I died because it looked like he was sneaking away from cropdusting someone.

~Poor Dewdrop was so sick. During “He Is,” (I think), I saw him lift his mask a little and wipe his dripping snot on his sleeve. He went about it in a “Ewwww” kind of way.

~At the end of that one, Aether ONCE MORE points at me and tosses me a pick. It hits my fingers and falls to the floor. I drop to my knees IMMEDIATELY and scramble to find it. I do fairly quickly, stand up, and kiss it, elatedly holding it above my head in victory. Aether pumps his fist in the air when he sees me waving it around. I tuck it into my bra because “Mummy Dust” is about to start and we’re going fucking crazy. Sadly, very few bills were dropped. I did have Copia thrusting like five feet from my face though. I am eternally grateful for that experience.

~After Aether was introduced during the break in “If You Have Ghosts,” I blew him a kiss, and he caught it and clapped his hand to the side of his face, acting all bashful and cute about it. HE’S SUCH A SWEETHEART.

~For some reason, I was thinking that this was the last song, despite having been to the KC ritual. So when they played “Dance Macabre,” I was thrilled there was still more to the show and boogied around like the idiot I am. That song makes me so happy. Again, Swiss starts imitating my dance movements, adding a little more shimmying around this time. All right. Boi’s got my attention now.

~I’m trying to get good photos of Swiss now, but Aether is pouting and keeps photobombing them whenever I point my phone in that direction, pointing at himself to redirect my focus back to him. I stuck my tongue out at him. Brat.

~Have I ever said how much I love “Square Hammer” live? FUCK. THE ENERGY. Due to it being the “last song,” I blow a kiss to Swiss when it’s all over and get one from him in return. I have perished and am very distracted for the rest of the evening.

~Copia changing his mind about pretending it’s a Friday and telling us, “It’s Tuesday. Go home!” And we boo.

~During his speech before “Monstrance Clock,” he again takes note of the little girl he sang to during Cirice and asks her how her evening was. He also substituted the word “organism” for “orgasm,” for her. Such a soft father.

~I am fully watching Swiss now and his “Monstrance Clock” hips now and GODDAMN HIM. He put me in heat with those moves, I swear. I was instantly a hot mess. I was transfixed and soooo mad that I hadn’t paid more attention to him sooner.

~There was a cute lil’ stuffed dragon sitting at the front of the stage during the song. I’m not sure if it got picked up or not.

~That moment when the lights come on at the end of “Monstrance Clock” and the stage is completely empty as the song fades out is the most HORRIBLE feeling. Because it’s over and the absence of the band members is so profound. “Monstrance Clock” still occasionally makes me sad.

~A few of us waited outside by the buses for the band to come out. IT WAS FREEZING OUT. I hate the Midwest. We didn’t see Tobias (I think they snuck him out the back to their hotel across the street) BUT we did see both Ghoulettes (THEY’RE SO BEAUTIFUL. QUEENS!) and Dewdrop (Per) walk out, along with another member I wasn’t too familiar with at the time, so that was pretty rad.

I know my summaries might come off as a little self-indulgent, but it’s how it happened in my mind. Plus everyone else’s are too. And honestly, my rituals are something I want to remember. Major kudos to the Omaha crowd. Best crowd I’ve seen at a show in a while.

#cardinal copia #thebandghost #aether #dewdrop #aether ghoul #swiss army ghoul #ghost omaha #omaha ritual #bandghost #ghost bc #nameless ghouls #ghost #second ritual

[hypermoyashi]

Okay, so, hi everyone? I’ve gotten some new followers, which is a bit surprising, and I’m sure some of you are aware of the discourse currently happening the mdzs fandom. Normally, as my about page states, I will not participate in fandom discourse under any circumstances, but as I was personally signaled out in this, I’ll be making an exception just this once. I’ll be placing everything under a cut just so those of you who don’t want this discourse showing up on your dash can avoid it.

Okay, so if you’re unaware, a blocklist was recently created of people in the fandom that minors should avoid/be aware of. I, as well as one of my good fandom friends, was on this list. I will not be posting links to said list in any way, shape, or form, as I believe it is poorly worded and just wholely not handled well in its original context.

I’d like to preface this entire post with one important idea: you curate your own fandom experience. I actually encourage blocking/blacklisting things and people who make you uncomfortable, just be respectful about it. You don’t need to announce it, or let someone know you’re blocking them. If I in any way make you uncomfortable for any reason, and you are uncomfortable talking to me about it to try and fix the problem, then please unfollow me, block me, or whatever will make you the most happy and comfortable. In the end, fandom is about fun, and it shouldn’t be taken too seriously. It shouldn’t be used to hurt people. 

I can’t say I’m not upset that I and my friend were included, and while I don’t know most of the people on that list enough to make a judgment, based on the reasons my friend and I were listed, I don’t believe the judgment of the original creator of the list was wholly sound. For full transparency, I am going to include why I, personally, was signaled out.

The first reason is for my submission here: https://mxtxpositivity.tumblr.com/post/183334608470/fic-rec-realize-what-you-never-knew-by

The fic I recommended is a fic that the friend I previously mentioned wrote, and I recommended it because I enjoy it and I enjoy supporting my friend’s writing. Now, the fic in question is about the junior trio, but it is written in a context where they are older and not minors. To be fair, my friend did not tag for this, and the lack of a tag for it was not something that I, as her beta, caught, either. I don’t particularly intend to debate whether or not it’s okay to write sexual content about young characters after they’ve been aged up, as it’s a rather gray area and whether it will bother you will vary. If it does bother you, however, that’s perfectly valid and I encourage you to avoid it. Blacklisting is a wonderful thing, and ao3 now includes a function to exclude ships.

The second reason I was signaled out in this post is for this: http://hypermoyashi.tumblr.com/tagged/yaoi

And just so it’s clear that I have not altered or cleared this in any way, here’s a screenshot with the time and date in the corner:

I would scroll down to show you guys more of the tag, but there is none. My yaoi tag is just two posts. This is the basis for which I was said to “support yaoi.” I’d like to point out that one post is literally a criticism of the genre as a whole. I have no idea why I tagged the second post as yaoi, but it was reblogged three years ago. It is not something I would reblog and tag that way today. I’ve used the same blog, the same username, for well over seven years now. There is bound to be some stuff here that doesn’t reflect who I am today, and there is also bound to be things that I’ve mistagged or not tagged appropriately in the past. I do not have the energy to clean absolutely everything out, but if you would like to point something out to me, I will be happy to change it. For my purposes, I’m not going to be altering my yaoi tag, in case anyone wants to check it for themselves.

Now, just as an off-topic, I’d like to point out that I’m bi/gray ace. I don’t hate yaoi per say, but I do dislike the picture its common tropes paint of the lgbtqa+ community, as anyone who has spoken with me for five minutes about it can tell you.

This is all I was flagged for, but in the name of transparency, I am also going to include something that, had our original poster of the list seen, would’ve been additional reasons for me to land on the list.

I am writing an A.B.O. fic for HOB. It will also contain an explicit scene in the future, and it contains some pretty heavy triggers such as attempted suicide and CSA/abuse. I know A.B.O. tends to be controversial for many, many reasons, but for the record, all characters retain their full facilities during any and all explicit scenes, on or off screen, and are able to consent or not consent to what is going on. Anything of that nature that happens to a minor does not happen on screen and is appropriately tagged as CSA. I also do not endorse or want minors reading this fic, but I’ll get into that later.

Now, does any of this disprove that I’m a potential danger to minors? No, it does not.

For one, disproving a negative is an impossibility. To demonstrate this, I’ll be using the same analogy my statistics teacher used. You have a field. You’re looking for cows. To find some cows, you divide the field up into twenty sections. Unfortunately, you only have the capability to check five of the sections. You check these five sections, and you don’t find any cows. Can you say, for sure, that there are no cows in the field? Nope. Because it’s impossible to check every section, and there could be cows in the sections you don’t check.

I cannot open up the entirety of my memory and history to prove that I have definitely never hurt a minor. It is absolutely never my intention, and if I have, I deeply apologize for it. But I have no way of disproving a negative because it is mathematically impossible.

Now that we’ve gotten up to this point, some of you might be thinking, isn’t treating such a baseless accusation so seriously, in a way, giving it validity? Well, in a way, sort of. The accusation is entirely baseless, yes, and this is going to be the only time I’m going to argue something like this in this way. It upset me, and it’s there, so I want to address it.

Now, I’m going to reference my about page. Here it is:

The text reads, “Hello! I thought, after about five years of owning this blog, give or take, it was probably time to make an about page.

“I mainly write fanfiction, which is almost always posted to ao3 and linked here unless it’s particularly short. Minors are definitely welcome; I don’t reblog or post N**SFW images or videos, nor do I write smut, though please be aware that this blog is “view at your own risk.” I tag for common triggers and potentially harmful content, so it’s up to you to know your limits and blacklist appropriately. That being said, if you need me to tag anything in addition to what I already do, please don’t hesitate to ask!

“My fandoms right now are mainly Bungou Stray Dogs, Heaven Official’s Blessing, Mo Dao Zu Shi, Hakata Tonkotsu Ramens, Pandora Hearts, Vanitas no Carte, Akatsuki no Yona, and D.Gray-man. Please be aware that although I do have particular ships I like, I’m not really that into shipping as a whole.

“I don’t reblog shipping discourse nor will I interact with hostile shippers. If you would like to talk about shipping with me, please do, just be nice! As a bonus, I love platonic relationships, so please talk with me about those if you enjoy them, too.

“ところで、私の日本語はちょっとわるいですけど、話すのが好きです。

“Finally, I consider this blog to be a safe place for me and others that does not discriminate based on race, gender identity, sexual orientation, mental health, physical ability, national origin, or religion. If that bothers you, please click the “back” or “x” button on your browser.

“With all that out of the way, welcome to my blog! I love talking with people, so feel free to message me or leave an ask. I swear you won’t be bothering me. Happy blogging!”

Now, I am going to edit this at some point, because I have written smut now. It’s not posted, but it’s still something I intend to post. But yeah, as of 3/13 around 5pm, that was my about page, and I have not changed it for quite a while. (Sorry I’m not quite as chipper today ^^”)

One of the links on my about page leads to this page:

Which reads:

A quick guide to my tagging system!

my fanfiction: stuff I’ve written

text post: stuff I’ve made/said

q: things posted from my queue (it is a very long queue)

art by op: If there’s no source, then I’m reasonably certain that this art was created by the original poster. If I’m wrong, please let me know and I’ll delete it imeidiately.

icons: whenever I save an icon, whether I use it or not, I reblog it under this tag

personal and/or ramblings: just me talking. Sometimes I won’t even tag these kinds of posts

— mention: normally reserved for common triggers, i.e. “Donald Trump mention” or “sex mention”

n**sfw warning: as stated in my about page, I don’t reblog n**sfw images or videos, but I do reblog n**sfw fic recs (ie links to explicit content) that is unsuitable for minors. If you’re a minor viewing my blog, please blacklist this tag if you feel the need to!

spoilers: anything and everything I think constitutes a spoiler. Sometimes I’m bad about tagging these, though. I don’t tag for specific fandoms, like “su spoilers” or “bsd spoilers,” so please beware of that.

And, for reference, this is the basis for which I generally rate my fics:

G (General Audiences): Anyone can read this

T (Teen Audiences): Anyone 13+ can read this

M (Mature Audiences): Anyone 17/18+ can read this (16 is fine, too, I think, depending on what the reader is comfortable with. My M rated fics often include dark/sexual themes, though, so 17/18 is the more comfortable range)

E (Explicit): Only people who are 18+ should read this (probably not gonna rate anything this since I don’t write smut unless I just really don’t want to endorse any minors reading it)

Again, this should probably be updated as I have written smut, however infrequent. I try to tag for common triggers, and I have asked here that minors under a certain age not read particular fics. All of my fics that depict unhealthy relationships, darker or sexual themes, or anything that I would be uncomfortable with a minor reading are rated Mature or Explicit, depending.

So all in all, I have tried my best to provide a positive experience to anyone who enjoys my content, and I try to tag so that potentially harmful content doesn’t reach those that it might hurt. I’m not perfect, and I can’t control everything. A minor can still go in and read my Explicit/Mature fics on ao3, no matter how much or how loudly I ask them not to. My content is meant to inspire, to show that life can suck, but in the end, everyone is worth it and continue on.

And, on that caveat, I’d like to point out that I generally take a stance of “create and let create.” Freedom of expression is the greatest gift anyone can be given. Yes, avoid content that hurts you, but please don’t lash out at those who create it. Until you know exactly why they’ve created it, what their history is, and what thoughts or feelings they were working through while creating it, please leave them be. Creators should tag their works so people can avoid content that might be harmful to them, but content that is harmful to one person might be another person’s lifeline.

But the reason I’ve laid this all out is that I want you to judge for yourself. Do I seem like someone you want to be friends with? Do I seem like someone harmful? Do I seem like someone you are indifferent to? Please make the decision that is best for you, and if you happen to want to be friends, please let me know ^^

Now, finally, I hope to see a more positive fandom experience come of this. I say all this, however negative or bleak it might be for me, because it was important for me to work through my thoughts, and I hope that something positive can come of honesty and communication.

Please don’t go after the original poster of the list, if you know who they are. It’s better just to let it go. The person seemed to have had good intentions, however ill-executed they were, and talking to them is only going to create more ill will and negativity for everyone. I believe, at least in part, the reason their list is so unfounded and baseless is because the content they cited genuinely hurts them, and when creating the list, they did not look at the full context of everything they were citing. And, well, context is everything, really. This doesn’t really excuse them, as they still hurt people with a largely unhelpful and thoughtless post, but brewing the negative feelings helps no one. I would also like to state that the fact that the content hurts them is not the fault of any of the creators. If you tag appropriately, but someone doesn’t take the time to blacklist or otherwise protect themself from content they know will hurt them, then that’s on them.

Fandom is a really interesting place. It’s full of so many diverse and wonderful people--minors and adults, lgbtqa+ and allies, tons of different nationalities--we should really take more steps to look out for one another. If there’s anything I could be doing better, please let me know. My experience with the mdzs fandom hasn’t been great up to this point, and I want to change that. I love this show, and I also want to love the people who love it alongside me.

Remember, for every not so great person, there are twenty more lovely people just waiting to meet you. And I hope that, from here on, those lovely people get every good thing they deserve.

#discourse #csa mention #abuse mention #rape mention #suicide mention #really if you have any super common triggers please don't read this #not tagging the fandom #and it probably wont show up in the tags because looong #but yeah here is my only participation in discourse #id prefer no reblogs #but feel free to reply #or message me

[bountyofbeads]

Justin Amash: Our politics is in a partisan death spiral. That’s why I’m leaving the GOP.

https://wapo.st/32aAIV2

Justin Amash: Our politics is in a partisan death spiral. That’s why I’m leaving the GOP. ( Though I don't agree with Justin Amash's politics, I do admire him for standing up for his principles and defending the U.S. Constitution.)

By Justin Amash | Published July 04 at 6:00 AM ET | Washington Post | Posted July 4, 2019 |

Justin Amash, an independent, represents Michigan’s 3rd Congressional District in the House.

When my dad was 16, America welcomed him as a Palestinian refugee. It wasn’t easy moving to a new country, but it was the greatest blessing of his life.

Throughout my childhood, my dad would remind my brothers and me of the challenges he faced before coming here and how fortunate we were to be Americans. In this country, he told us, everyone has an opportunity to succeed regardless of background.

Growing up, I thought a lot about the brilliance of America. Our country’s founders established a constitutional republic uniquely dedicated to securing the rights of the people. In fact, they designed a political system so ordered around liberty that, in succeeding generations, the Constitution itself would strike back against the biases and blind spots of its authors.

My parents, both immigrants, were Republicans. I supported Republican candidates throughout my early adult life and then successfully ran for office as a Republican. The Republican Party, I believed, stood for limited government, economic freedom and individual liberty — principles that had made the American Dream possible for my family.

In recent years, though, I’ve become disenchanted with party politics and frightened by what I see from it. The two-party system has evolved into an existential threat to American principles and institutions.

George Washington was so concerned as he watched political parties take shape in America that he dedicated much of his farewell address to warning that partisanship, although “inseparable from our nature,” was the people’s “worst enemy.” He observed that it was “the interest and duty of a wise people to discourage and restrain it.”

Washington said of partisanship, in one of America’s most prescient addresses: “The disorders and miseries which result gradually incline the minds of men to seek security and repose in the absolute power of an individual; and sooner or later the chief of some prevailing faction, more able or more fortunate than his competitors, turns this disposition to the purposes of his own elevation, on the ruins of public liberty. …

“It serves always to distract the public councils and enfeeble the public administration. It agitates the community with ill-founded jealousies and false alarms, kindles the animosity of one part against another, foments occasionally riot and insurrection. It opens the door to foreign influence and corruption, which finds a facilitated access to the government itself through the channels of party passions. Thus the policy and the will of one country are subjected to the policy and will of another.”

True to Washington’s fears, Americans have allowed government officials, under assertions of expediency and party unity, to ignore the most basic tenets of our constitutional order: separation of powers, federalism and the rule of law. The result has been the consolidation of political power and the near disintegration of representative democracy.

These are consequences of a mind-set among the political class that loyalty to party is more important than serving the American people or protecting our governing institutions. The parties value winning for its own sake, and at whatever cost. Instead of acting as an independent branch of government and serving as a check on the executive branch, congressional leaders of both parties expect the House and Senate to act in obedience or opposition to the president and their colleagues on a partisan basis.

In this hyperpartisan environment, congressional leaders use every tool to compel party members to stick with the team, dangling chairmanships, committee assignments, bill sponsorships, endorsements and campaign resources. As donors recognize the growing power of party leaders, they supply these officials with ever-increasing funds, which, in turn, further tightens their grip on power.

The founders envisioned Congress as a deliberative body in which outcomes are discovered. We are fast approaching the point, however, where Congress exists as little more than a formality to legitimize outcomes dictated by the president, the speaker of the House and the Senate majority leader.

With little genuine debate on policy happening in Congress, party leaders distract and divide the public by exploiting wedge issues and waging pointless messaging wars. These strategies fuel mistrust and anger, leading millions of people to take to social media to express contempt for their political opponents, with the media magnifying the most extreme voices. This all combines to reinforce the us-vs.-them, party-first mind-set of government officials.

Modern politics is trapped in a partisan death spiral, but there is an escape.

Most Americans are not rigidly partisan and do not feel well represented by either of the two major parties. In fact, the parties have become more partisan in part because they are catering to fewer people, as Americans are rejecting party affiliation in record numbers.

These same independent-minded Americans, however, tend to be less politically engaged than Red Team and Blue Team activists. Many avoid politics to focus on their own lives, while others don’t want to get into the muck with the radical partisans.

But we owe it to future generations to stand up for our constitutional republic so that Americans may continue to live free for centuries to come. Preserving liberty means telling the Republican Party and the Democratic Party that we’ll no longer let them play their partisan game at our expense.

Today, I am declaring my independence and leaving the Republican Party. No matter your circumstance, I’m asking you to join me in rejecting the partisan loyalties and rhetoric that divide and dehumanize us. I’m asking you to believe that we can do better than this two-party system — and to work toward it. If we continue to take America for granted, we will lose it.

Rep. Amash, lone GOP critic of Trump, leaves Republican Party

By Donna Cassata | Published July 04 at 6:35 AM ET | Washington Post | Posted July 4, 2019 |

Rep. Justin Amash, the only Republican in Congress to have accused President Trump of impeachable acts, said Thursday he is leaving the Republican Party and becoming an independent, bemoaning that “modern politics is trapped in a partisan death spiral, but there is an escape.”

In an op-ed in The Washington Post, the Michigan congressman wrote that most Americans are not “rigidly partisan” and the country can do better than the two-party system.

“No matter your circumstance, I’m asking you to join me in rejecting the partisan loyalties and rhetoric that divide and dehumanize us,” Amash wrote.

Amash’s party switch comes weeks after he posted a series of tweets arguing that former special counsel Robert S. Mueller III documented “impeachable conduct” in his report on Trump’s campaign and administration and Russian interference in the 2016 election. In subsequent public statements, he challenged his colleagues of both parties to take action.

His stand drew the wrath of Trump, widespread criticism from other Republicans, and a challenger in next year’s election. Amash, 39, who is serving his fourth term, has not announced whether he will run again. He has acknowledged considering instead running for president as a member of the Libertarian Party.

Michigan state Rep. Jim Lower, a Republican, announced his bid for the House seat.

House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy (R-Calif.) had dismissed Amash as an outlier among Republicans, citing a number of instances in which the congressman voted with Democrats.

“Justin Amash can determine his own future. But I think, on a philosophical basis, he’s probably in a different place than the majority of all of us,” McCarthy said last month.

Amash also left the conservative House Freedom Caucus, a group he helped found four years ago.

#u.s. news #donald trump #politics #trump administration #president donald trump #politics and government #trump #republican politics #white house #republican party #us: news #must reads #legal issues #elections #democracy #2020 election #activism #corruption #u.s. presidential elections #u.s. congressional elections #republican congress #U.S. Congress #u.s. constitution

[riecomcolog1987-blog]

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[momtaku]

not the same anon but i also have a culture question. In regards to the poll discourse (lol), I'm not saying people can't post salt or that people reading said salt can't respond to it. my question is, is it really that serious? like really. it genuinely baffles me. it's the same thing with ship hate or sending mean anon messages. does this plague people so severely they have to pick fights with others on the internet over it? why does fandom have this effect on people? psychologically speaking.

I’ve learned a lot about fandom culture this week from the poll discourse. The most important being that yes, it is serious.  After having many conversations, some comforting some damning, I think I want to address this.

First things first, if you read this post, read it closely. Think about it. Do not have a knee jerk reaction to it. And for the love of all things good in this world, DO NOT SEND HATE TO THE OP.

It’s going to be a long post, so consider these conditions seriously. If you agree, by all means, read on…

I was baffled by the poll post as well. I’ve been doing a monthly poll since chapter 87. That’s a year and a half and more time and energy than I care to admit. In my mind it was something like the Reddit SnK Status Chart, something cheeky, fun, off color at times, but a monthly highlight and tradition that many fans enjoy.

Fact 1: I was successful in this. The vast majority have loved the poll and appreciate the time and effort that has gone into it. It’s a monthly highlight for many people. Fact 2: The bulk of poll respondents are from reddit and discord servers where I am a nobody.Fact 3: It has alienated and angered some people. The OP being one of those people but she is not alone.

I’m going to link to the OP post via a reblog that best expresses how I feel about it. It will save me from addressing each and every point of it. 

Let me add that while the original post blasts the poll, I know that the poll is not the real issue in it. The OPs feelings are rooted in a character debate that has nothing to do with me or my poll.

Was the OP wrong to write this post and tag it as Eruri? A friend of mine likened it to wrapping herself in raw meat and throwing herself into a pack of wolves. 

Did she have the right to do it? Sure.

Right or wrong, does it speak to a larger issue of fandom culture? Yes. And that’s what I want to talk about.

Let me get this over with as well. I was hurt. I was angry. Hell, I created a room in my discord server called “pet me feed me love me” because I selfishly and humanly needed some unconditional love and support from long time friends who were not a part of the eruri fandom. 

Fact 1: I have gotten a huge amount of love and support over this from all corners of the fandom. I am blessed to have the friends I do.Fact 2: If you send me support I will read it and appreciate it but if it is anon I will probably not reply to it because I don’t want to feed this debate further.Fact 3:  If you send anon hate or any hate at all to the OP you are making her life worse, my life worse, and further cementing the fandom culture thing that this post exposed me to. It is this:

“Cool blogs” can influence a fandom and alienate people who do not find such bloggers cool.

This is the fandom culture phenomenon that I was made aware of through the poll discourse. @valisi-clark‘s reblog addresses the nuts and bolts of that concept and provides many good thoughts about it. 

While not true of me, the fact remains that fandom gatekeepers, overlords and BNFs do exist and some use their power in a harmful way. That is a conversation for another day.

Fact 1: I am considered a big name fan in the snk fandom.Fact 2: This didn’t happen through coercion or voodoo. People like and respect me because I am friendly and reasonable and put a lot of time into the community. Fact 3: While I have not seen it, I have been told that the OP is getting hate because of my BNF status.

A friend of mine told me this recently:

“there’s a lot of emotional content in what you write–since you write in a friendly and casual way–and so there’s a sense of you being, well, fandom’s mom. or a figure a little bit like that.

This was part of a conversation about “parasocial relationships” which is not exactly related to this, but maybe speaks to the need of people who feel the need to defend me.

Defending me is humanly understandable. When my friends are unfairly targeted, I too see red. My first instinct is to eviscerate the person who has hurt someone I love. But whether op was right or wrong, whether such a reaction is human or not, sending hate over something like this is not ok. It only serves to further emphasize the perception that BNFs do exist, that challenging them is “brave”, and that having an opinion contrary to them can be isolating and make you the target of fandom bullies and minions of the BNF.

What I am personally struggling with at this moment of my fandom existence is how do I express my thoughts but not influence the conversation in such a way that it hurts people.

Fact 1: I can’t. Perception is as powerful as reality.Fact 2: I have tried so very hard for this exact scenario not to happen.Fact 3: It has happened. 

I’ve been aware of my status and influence in the fandom since my summer hiatus. While not perfect, I’ve tried to use it for good. As one dear friend put it:

Yeah, you’re popular. You’re a BNF. But you’re a fucking person first, and the responsibilities of the former have made you neglect the latter….in my respectful opinion. and now I have pizza to eat so typing is hard

(side note: this need of mine to make people happy, while a nice quality in general, and how it relates to the time I spend of tumblr is something I should probably explore at a later date  👀 I’m gonna drop this post on Obsession and Fandom into the “things to think about” category as well.)

 I love this fandom and wanted to do my part to make it a happier place. I feel like was largely successful in that but let me quote the vast wisdom of Armin Alert, because this is an snk blog after all.

Meta writers can be mistaken as authorities. The reality is that some people take my posts as gospel truth. There exist people who believe, “well momtaku said this and she is respected so she must be correct. If I feel differently I must be wrong.” There also exist people who see things differently than me and feel isolated by it.

Fact 1: THIS IS TERRIFYING.Fact 2: I can’t stop it from happening.

So the decision is now how to live with it. Can I accept that my posts and my fandom contributions can serve (have served?) to hurt and alienate some people? I don’t know. It’s weighing heavy on my mind.

I’m stopping here. I don’t know if it’s because I’m tired of writing or if I’ve said what I want to say. I will address the existence of the poll at some point. I have two weeks to decide about that.

Thank you for reading this!

#Anonymous #chatting with friends #snk polls #snk poll #fandom culture #welp here goes nothing #you'd think I'd understand that you cant please everyone at this point in my life #why this is news to me now is funny #but not pleasing people is different than actively hurting them #whether its 1 or 100 people I am hurting people #despite my intent not to #and thus is the nature of fandom