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#bladder control issues
hold-him-down · 10 months
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Not Ideal
TW: institutionalized slavery, the bladder control failure but it’s really not even like a MAIN part other than in concept, this is really rather wholesome if you ask me.
Notes: Takes place ~4 months in, so somewhere shortly after christmas. 
✥ ✥ ✥
Leo sits on the floor in the corner of his room. Was it a good day? His brow pulls tight and he tries to sort out where he stands with things. Luke smiled, a handful of times actually, and Leo takes a moment to both appreciate the objectivity of the observation and the ridiculousness of this more recently adopted coping mechanism. 
It was good. Nothing overtly bad had happened. He hadn’t had to grapple with the pangs of uncertainty that most of his days were dominated by. He jogged through the neighborhood (by himself), he sat at a park, he went to the library. He had found a sandwich shop and texted Luke to ask if he wanted to try it, and picked up their dinner.
By all metrics, it was a fine day. And still, long after the sun set and he excused himself to his room, he sits here, undeniably sad but unsure of its source.
Everything is in its place. He fights the urge to go check the kitchen, to make sure there isn’t anything missed. 
He doesn’t, though. Instead he changes into pajamas, crawls into his bed, and waits for unconsciousness to lay its claim on him. Sleep doesn’t come easily though. His mind races, cycling through the ways he can do better, be better, survive better. He doesn’t know how much time passes, but his thoughts shift, and memories flood his consciousness. Seattle, his mother, his brother, his sister. 
These thoughts rarely plague him, but when they do, their grip on him is unshakable. He isn’t aware of the exact moment that he falls asleep, only that he does, and when the nightmares hit him, they hit him harder than normal.
✥ ✥ ✥
Leo wakes sometime in the early morning hours to blackness, to a racing heart, to sweat covering every inch of him. For a moment, all he can do is gasp at breaths, remind himself where he is, who he is. 
Almost instantly, he’s aware that something isn’t right, but his heart still beats wildly and he convinces himself the soaked bed is nothing more than sweat, that it’s okay, that nothing bad has happened. Except something bad has happened, and telling himself otherwise serves no intrinsic purpose. 
He swallows, interrupting his inner thought work to grasp at the lion, to make sure it avoided direct damage. The bed, the blankets, his clothes, are soaked.
Leo presses his eyes shut, casting the lion aside, and a new kind of dread settles over him. 
This is okay. This is fine. He can fix this, and Luke doesn’t need to know.
He scrambles to pull the bedding off the bed, stone silent except for the ragged breaths his chest still produces, and he thinks something of a prayer, and he knows as he does it it’s futile, but still he thinks, over and over, please let this be okay.
As he pulls the sheets from their place, he recognizes with certainty that there’s no chance it didn’t leak through, and for a single, suspended moment, he allows himself to hate everything that he’s become. He drops on his knees to the floor, pressing his face into the mattress (the clean part), covering his head with his hands. He wants to scream, but even if muffled as it would be, he runs the risk of waking Luke. 
So instead, he takes a deep breath. He turns on his bedside lamp, the warm yellow glow stinging his eyes, and as he pulls the mattress pad from the mattress, he gauges the damage. It’s not that bad. He can deal with this. He’ll clean it up and Luke will never know.
“Okay.” His voice is soft, the mere possibility of waking Luke is a constant thrumming in the back of his mind, in direct conflict with his innate need to self-soothe. “This is okay.” 
He stands then, stripping off his soiled underwear and t-shirt and throws them into the pile of urine-soaked fabric. He pulls on the first clean pair he can find and then squeezes his eyes shut, laying out the individual steps to make this okay.
The laundry. He gathers up the laundry, distantly aware of his shaking hands, and pads silently down the hall. Luke’s bedroom door is closed, but Leo is careful not to make a sound.
He’s as silent as he can be as he loads the washer, reading the instructions on the too-expensive sheets at least three times to make sure that he doesn’t cause any additional damage. 
When he’s certain he’s gotten it right, he presses ‘start’ and straightens his back, bee-lining it for the pantry, where a wide array of cleaning supplies lives, untouched. 
He moves deftly through the familiar apartment back to his room and scrubs vigorously at the mattress, bouncing between berating himself and pleading to no-one that it’s going to be okay. He startles at the sound of knocking, his fingers freeze in place and he, against every instinct to sink into the floor and under the area rug for the rest of his life, raises his eyes.
“Luke–” It whooshes out of him like a breath, and he swallows, forcibly dragging his eyes to meet Luke’s.
Luke’s eyebrows raise as he takes in the scene, Leo in his underwear, Leo panicking, Leo holding cleaning supplies at three a.m. Leo knows, above all else, that there’s no explaining it, and he starts to draw the words that he knows he needs to find.
“I… should I ask?” Luke’s mouth forms a half smile and Leo swallows again. 
“I’m sorry,” comes Leo’s response. And then, because he can’t form any other words, he says, “I… I can fix this.”
“Leo…” Luke’s face is doing that thing it does, when he’s trying to pluck the perfect words out of the air, to quell Leo’s anxiety or to mitigate the risk of an absolute meltdown. “I’m certain, whatever it is, it is absolutely fixable.” There’s exhaustion in Luke’s voice and in his expression, and Leo, a deer in the headlights, shakes his head, sucks in a breath. 
“I–” He swallows, his fists clenching and unclenching almost painfully. Just say it. There’s no easy way, there’s no right way, and it’s best to just lay it out. He huffs out a sound that edges somewhere between a choked off laugh and a sob, his shoulders dropping along with his eyes. 
“Leo–”
“–I’m just. I’m just going to say it, okay?” Leo chances a glance at Luke, who regards him so carefully as he nods, encouraging. He feels… scared? In a way that is foreign to him. Not afraid of what Luke might do, but afraid instead of what Luke might think. Afraid that this is another piece of him, broken, that Luke will need to tiptoe around. Afraid, at his core, that this is another broken off chunk, and he’s closer still to being irreparable. 
With one more big breath, he whispers, “I had an accident– I–” His eyes squeeze shut, and he can feel the shame rising to his face, and he wants to explain that he used to be able to function, that he could do this and he was fine and he was happy and he was healthy and people made him this way but he isn’t fundamentally broken (at least he doesn’t think so) and he can be fixed (at least he thinks so) but all that comes out is a slightly louder, slightly more solid, “I had a nightmare.” His hands are shaking and he forcefully stills them. “I, uh, I didn’t expect it–”
And since Luke doesn’t immediately interrupt with how okay everything is, the words tumble from Leo’s mouth. “I promise, if I had any– any– indication that it was going to be a bad night, I wouldn’t have let myself sleep that deeply. I just…” He can feel a trembling in his voice, but he doesn’t hear it, and he doesn’t chance a glance at Luke as he continues, “I… I didn’t know… that it was going to be a hard night. I’m so sorry,” he says, over and over. 
He feels Luke’s hands on his shoulders, he feels Luke’s fingers in his hair, he lets himself be pulled in for a hug and he lets himself stop speaking, at least long enough to choose the words that will convey to Luke, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that this will not happen again.
“If I told you it was okay, would that mean anything to you?” 
Leo nods, but he doesn’t know how much truth there is to it.
“Leo,” Luke says, in that tone that definitely means the big words are coming, and Leo needs to hear them. “This is so beyond ‘okay.’ This doesn’t even scratch the surface of a problem from my perspective, okay?” Luke pulls back enough to see his face, but Leo can’t make himself look. He nods.
“You put the sheets in the washer?” 
Nods again. 
“How can I help? Is there anything you need?”
Leo forces his eyes over the mattress, damp from, mostly, cleaning products. “I think it’s okay,” he says. “I think… it wasn’t a lot, that got through the mattress pad– I think it’s okay, but I–”
“Hey,” Luke interrupts him. “I’m certain that it’s fine.” 
“Okay,” Leo says, although he doesn’t sound convincing, even to himself. “I think I’ll… I’ll move the sheets to the dryer and take a quick shower, if that’s okay?”
Ultimately, Luke convinces him to allow him to finish the laundry, which makes Leo’s heart ache worse, but he thinks he sufficiently camouflages the hurt under the tsunami of other emotions he’s projecting, and he sulks off to the shower, where he can’t stop himself from crying, if only just a little bit.
By the time he’s pulled himself completely together, the water has run cold, the sheets are folded on his dresser as the mattress starts to dry, and Luke sits with a mug of tea and a copy of Animal Farm, which Leo had checked out from the library the day earlier. 
For a moment, Leo watches him, before taking a seat beside him, where there’s a second mug waiting for him.
Luke sets the book aside and regards him, expression maybe more guarded now, but also more alert. 
“How are you feeling?” he asks, which is Leo’s least favorite and hardest to answer question.
“I’m okay. It was just…” Leo grabs the mug to occupy his hands. “I didn’t expect to have a hard night,” he says, by way of explanation.
“Can I ask you something?” Luke says then, and Leo holds his breath. “If you had known, you wouldn’t have slept?”
“I just… I’d have set alarms, to keep myself from…” He realizes he’s in dangerous territory before Luke’s expression shifts, but it’s too late. A sort of tension takes hold of him, but he only nods. “It’s just a way to get sleep but not sleep hard enough to cause trouble.”
“Okay,” Luke eventually says, after too long a pause. “I’d… rather you didn’t do that, though.” Quickly, he adds, “From a medical perspective, that’s not… ideal.”
He knows his next suggestion will not be taken well, but there’s a part of him that just needs to put it out there, and so he says, “What about if…” 
Luke’s mouth is the flattest line, but still, Leo trudges on. “Maybe I could sleep on the floor? Just on the nights that I’m not sure?”
“Mm.” Luke says, taking a sip of his tea. He angles toward the window, his expression unreadable, and then says, “I– I don’t know what to do.” It’s the saddest he’s heard Luke’s voice in a long time.
Leo is preparing a big speech about how it’s easy, and the floor is comfortable, and he can bring blankets to the floor and he might even like it better there, and it’ll certainly help him sleep, knowing that he won’t destroy the mattress, and he could put a towel down too to help protect the wood if that would be better, and–
“I don’t think you should sleep on the floor, Leo.” Luke turns back to him, offering a half-hearted smile.  
Before he can speak again, Leo says, “What if it happens again?”
“Then it happens again. I–”
“What if I ruin the mattress?” 
Leo startles himself with the interruption, but Luke only says, “You won’t ruin the mattress.” 
“What if I do?” he presses. “I can’t… I can’t afford to get a new one, I’m not worth–”
“Stop,” Luke says then. “Please.” Leo freezes momentarily, before taking a sip of his tea. “If the mattress is ruined, we can get a new one. If the mattress isn’t ruined, then it’s a non-issue. Either way, it’s okay. I promise you, it’s okay.”
Leo nods. There’s no way Luke’s going to willingly allow him to sleep on the floor. So he says, “At the sites, the beds were covered in this plasticky material so they could clean them easily… Could we do that?”
“No,” comes Luke’s answer, easily now. It’s frustrating, having an actual argument with him. Luke seldom holds his ground, and Leo seldom pushes back, but he finds himself feeling… somehow different. It’s not entirely unpleasant, but it’s a feeling that he’s not accustomed to. He takes a breath, at the same time that Luke says, “Come here.” 
Leo knows that it isn’t an order, but rather a check in. That Luke will maybe do the hair/forehead thing, and even in the midst of a bona-fide disagreement, he feels a little lighter. “Are you okay?” Luke asks then.
Leo nods. “I’m okay. I just… I know I won’t sleep, with this… this might be a thing. I don’t want you to have to deal with another one of my things. I’ll– I can make sure to clean up after myself, but I just… I know it’s going to be hard… for me to sleep… now.”
“Does it happen a lot?” Luke asks. “This is the first time since you’ve been here, right?”
Leo shakes his head. “Right,” he says. “Once in training, a couple of times in my last contract. It’s never been for any reason other than pure negligence though. The conditions were different then.”
Leo can almost see the gears turning in Luke’s head, can almost feel the moment he decides to ask the question, “Different how?” 
And Leo, if prepared for nothing else, is always prepared to shake his head and say, “Just… different. I can’t really talk about it.”
“Right,” Luke whispers. “Can you…” Luke takes a breath, sips on his tea, then finishes. “Promise me, Leo, that instead of sleeping on the floor, instead of setting alarms to keep yourself awake… Can you just let me know? If you think you’re going to have a tough night? Even if there’s no reason for it, even if it’s just a feeling in your gut, just let me know you’re not comfortable falling asleep, and we can work through it together?”
Leo nods.
“What about the mattress?” he asks, sipping his own tea. 
“I’m not worried about the mattress,” Luke replies. “I’m worried about you. I’m worried about what you do to yourself, what lengths you’ll go to to prevent this from happening again.” He smiles, nudging Leo’s shoulder playfully. “But if you’d like, maybe you can go to the store and get a...” he gestures vaguely, stumbling over the suggestion. It’s endearing, Leo thinks. “A waterproof mattress pad. Would that be okay?”
Leo nods, eager for a change in subject, and Luke lets it go.
✥ ✥ ✥
Leo wasn’t sure which option was scarier– Using Luke’s money explicitly for his own benefit, or risking another accident. He spends the day wandering around the neighborhood, he walks into the stores and finds what he’s looking for each time, but then walks out empty handed. He is aware of how tired he is, but he pushes himself to walk further, to jog, to sit at the park and watch the birds, to read. If he wears himself out, maybe he will sleep.
When he returns home, Luke is in his office. The bed has been made, and Leo doesn’t allow himself to think about Luke doing that. There’s a note on his dresser that reads:
Leo,
I’ll be in a meeting in the office until 9- I picked up a mattr I ordered pizza, should be here around 8. If you’re still awake, I thought maybe we could watch a movie. I picked up I stopped by the store on the way home and picked up a mattress topper for you, I hope that’s okay. It is not plasticky, but if it Please, don’t think any further of this. Unless you want to, or need to, I’m… happy to discuss it further. Just, not on my behalf Whatever you need here,
Sleep well,
Luke
FIGHTER TAG LIST: @whump-cravings, @afabulousmrtake, @crystalquartzwhump, @maracujatangerine, @pumpkin-spice-whump, @distinctlywhumpthing, @thecyrulik, @highwaywhump, @batfacedliar-yetagain, @finder-of-rings, @dont-touch-my-soup, @skyhawkwolf, @suspicious-whumping-egg, @also-finder-of-rings, @whump-for-all-and-all-for-whump, @peachy-panic, @melancholy-in-the-morning, @urban-dark, @nicolepascaline, @quietly-by-myself, @pigeonwhumps, @whump-blog,  @seasaltandcopper, @angstyaches, @i-msonotcreative, @mylifeisonthebookshelf, @anonintrovert, @whump-world, @squishablesunbeam, @considerablecolors, @whumpcereal, @whumperfully, @pirefyrelight, @whumpsday
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beautikinieeboy · 1 year
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What Causes Urine Leakage After Using the Bathroom?
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Why Do I Experience Urine Leakage After Using the Toilet?
If you find yourself experiencing urine leakage after using the toilet, you're not alone. This type of urinary incontinence, often referred to as "after-dribble" or overflow incontinence, affects approximately 30 percent of women. It may feel like your bladder is not fully emptying, and you might notice a small amount of urine leakage after you think you've finished urinating. While urinary incontinence can occur in anyone, it is more common in older individuals, pregnant women, and those who have given birth. Dealing with bladder control issues can be embarrassing and may lead to avoiding regular activities. However, incontinence can often be managed or treated effectively.
Is it normal to experience urine leakage after using the toilet?
While urine leakage after using the toilet is not considered normal, urinary incontinence can have various causes unrelated to underlying diseases. It can occur temporarily due to factors such as alcohol consumption, lack of access to bathrooms, coughing, sneezing, extreme anxiety, or intense laughter.
Causes of urine leakage:
Urinary incontinence can stem from everyday habits, underlying medical conditions, or physical problems. A comprehensive evaluation by a healthcare professional can help determine the underlying cause of your incontinence.
Some instances of urine leakage can be attributed to temporary and controllable factors. Certain beverages, foods, and medications may act as diuretics, stimulating the bladder and increasing urine volume. These include alcohol, caffeine, carbonated drinks, artificial sweeteners, chocolate, chili peppers, spicy, sugary or acidic foods, and certain medications like heart and blood pressure medications, sedatives, muscle relaxants, and large doses of vitamin C.
Urinary incontinence can also be caused by treatable medical conditions, such as urinary tract infections that irritate the bladder, leading to strong urges to urinate and occasional incontinence. Additionally, constipation with hardened stool in the rectum can activate the nerves shared with the bladder, resulting in increased urinary frequency.
Persistent urinary incontinence may be caused by underlying physical problems or changes, including hormonal changes during pregnancy, weakened pelvic floor muscles and damaged bladder nerves and tissue due to vaginal childbirth, age-related decline in bladder muscle function and increased involuntary bladder contractions, decreased estrogen levels after menopause, tumors or urinary stones blocking normal urine flow, and neurological conditions like multiple sclerosis, Parkinson's disease, stroke, brain tumors, or spinal injuries affecting bladder control nerve signals.
By identifying the underlying cause of urine leakage and seeking appropriate treatment or management options, it is possible to address and improve urinary incontinence symptoms.
How Can I Prevent Urine Leakage After Using the Toilet?
There are various medical treatments available to address urinary leakage after urination. Here are four common solutions that your doctor may recommend:
Medications: Certain medications can help improve bladder function, increase bladder capacity, reduce urgency, and enhance the ability to fully empty the bladder.
Botox: Injection of Botox into the bladder lining can help prevent urine leakage by relaxing the muscles and reducing overactivity.
Urethral injections: Supportive injections near the urethra can provide additional support and help prevent leakage.
Bladder sling surgery: In some cases, a bladder sling surgery may be recommended. This procedure involves placing a mesh sling under or around the urethra to provide support and prevent leakage.
Tips for managing urine leakage:
If you prefer to explore non-medical options to manage urine leakage after urination, here are some tactics you can try:
Dietary adjustments: Avoiding certain foods, drinks, and ingredients known to irritate the bladder can help reduce leakage. These may include alcohol, artificial sweeteners, caffeine, carbonated beverages, chocolate, citrus fruits, tomatoes, corn syrup, and spicy foods.
Weight management: Losing weight can help alleviate symptoms of bladder leakage, as excess weight puts additional pressure on the bladder and pelvic floor muscles.
Pelvic floor exercises: Performing exercises like Kegels can strengthen the pelvic floor muscles and improve bladder control. The Knack method involves contracting the pelvic floor muscles during activities that trigger leakage, such as coughing or sneezing.
Leak-proof protective underwear: Using leak-proof protective underwear, such as BeautikiniLeakproof Underwear, can provide an extra layer of protection and keep you dry and comfortable throughout the day.
Can urine leakage be cured?
In the majority of cases, urinary leakage can be cured or significantly improved through various treatments and management strategies. Seeking medical advice and exploring appropriate options can help address the underlying causes and alleviate symptoms.
What are the consequences of untreated bladder incontinence?
If left untreated, urinary incontinence can have a negative impact on daily life, leading to sleep disturbances, depression, anxiety, and a loss of interest in sexual activities. If your condition is affecting your quality of life, it is advisable to consult your doctor, who may refer you to a pelvic floor specialist or urologist.
When should you schedule an appointment with a doctor?
If urine leakage causes embarrassment and leads you to avoid important activities, it is advisable to consult your primary care provider. Seek medical attention if you frequently experience a strong urge to urinate and frequently rush to the bathroom but occasionally cannot make it in time. Additionally, if you frequently feel the need to urinate but have difficulty passing urine, it is recommended to see a doctor. These symptoms may indicate an underlying issue that requires medical evaluation and appropriate treatment.
Purchase BeautikiniLeakproof Underwear for a comfortable and dry experience, eliminating the unpleasant feeling of wet undergarments. While discussing long-term solutions with your doctor, consider shopping for BeautikiniLeakproof Underwear to ensure round-the-clock dryness and comfort. Avoid the discomfort of wet underwear and explore this reliable option for enhanced confidence and peace of mind.
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ardensgardensblog · 3 months
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Bladder Control Challenge!!
For every time this post is interacted with I will deny myself peeing for an additional hour!! The timer starts when I begin feeling an urge to go!!
Plz be mean to me <3
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vaugarde · 10 months
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boys who pee and girls who poop
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the-oddest-inkling · 7 months
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@ my anxiety: can you not?
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snarp · 1 year
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The tone of this post is very different if you know Japanese: the caption is about the dog peeing on the floor.
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cannot-copia · 1 year
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Mental Health Check for the Ghesties! How we doin'?
uh
ive been better
ik i like never respond positively to these asks, I’m sorry whoever you are
but thank you for asking <3
also sorry to those who’ve tagged me in tag games the past while too, i do like them but between working for the past 14 days straight and some more not good things happening irl i have not had time to do them and now i probably won’t find them
#tw for death/illness/unalive thoughts for these tags ig#idk if I’ve mentioned it but#my dad has dementia diabetes lung issues heart issues has fallen/has had strokes and has been on dialysis for 2 years now#long story but we had to put him in assisted living a few months ago#bc we couldn’t take care of him at home anymore he’d fall or try and do things he shouldn’t#(ie drive when he says himself he can’t see and has only 1 working eye)#or didn’t control his bowels/bladder#would cuss us out tell us to go to hell etc#so he’s been there for a while where they are trained to take care of people like that#and he wouldn’t be alone while we are at work and stuff#but he hates it and last time I visited him there he said he didn’t want to be in this world anymore and said how he wanted to step in front#of a bus and stuff which did not help the guilt I already feel about him having to be there#but there is no choice if he didn’t have to be there he wouldn’t be we don’t have the money to pay for it#and now he’s been in and out of the hospital several times over the past few weeks#and went again Monday bc they thought he had another stroke (slurring his words/not walking straight and other things)#they found out he didn’t but what they thought was wrong has been treated and he’s not better#and now they’ve discussed him going to a nursing home or even hospice#but they so far have no plans of discharging him so he’s obviously not doing good#and that’s on top of other things that i don’t feel like i should even complain about when that is going on#so yeah I am not doing the best tbh#been trying not to think about it bc every time I do i feel like either throwing up or crying or both#sorry for the tag info dump#delete later#probably#asks
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ghosthart · 7 months
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u know when u mention u like something one time and a family member starts gifting u things that are only that item or themed like that thing. my grandma saw that i had a fluffy white pillow like the kind with the like fake fur that looks like those crusty white dog’s fur or something lol and now she thinks i actually like that cuz she gave me a vanity stool with that material and i was just happy cuz i didn’t have a chair for my vanity at the time but she just gave me another stool almost identical with that material and ANOTHER ONE that’s pink and rectangle like i don’t even actually like that material at all i just had that pillow cuz it came with my comforter set that my mom got me and i kept it to use as a decorative pillow for my couch since i was too poor to buy one that i actually like LOL i don’t even have the pillow anymore 😭
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omo-queer · 8 months
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Finished my water! Still 2/10 but let's hope it goes up quickly :)
-🧠
[i got this as i was typing to respond to your other message but the response is about the same]
good to hear! i'm sure that water will be working its way through you in no time. i have a couple questions while you wait, just for my own purposes—are you in, or able to go to when things get more desperate, a private space? if so, when things get bad, would it be impractical for you to leak or wet yourself? is that something you're comfortable with? these are both so i know how far i can (or can't) push you.
and, while i could address you as brain or as anon if you'd like, if i want to praise you for being good, is there something you'd prefer i call you? good girl/boy/toy/pet are some of my personal go-tos, and i'm happy to use any of those or avoid them altogether.
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theskeletoninthegarden · 11 months
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Went to work today and found out the water was shut off due to a broken main. Did we close? No, that would be the right thing to do.
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gayaest · 9 months
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Lishai 🌈🌸♿️🩷🪴 [ID in alt-text]
He has PPMS and uses an intermittent catheter! There is way too much stigma (from both disabled and non-disabled people) about incontinence, catheters, and bladder issues. It’s not “gross”. The only “gross” thing is being judgmental of disabled people for something they cannot control and keeps them alive.
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4thmagicwielder · 1 year
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I know that at some point a lot of people were joking about IBS and being incontinent and I won't pretend like I didn't find a lot of those jokes funny or anything, but I feel that people should have more respect and compassion for people that are incontinent and have bowel and or bladder issues and whatnot. These people are physically disabled in some way or another and deal with being embarrassed in real life over things that they can't control when they shouldn't, and people should probably be sympathizing with them instead of dismissing or being grossed out by them and laughing at their conditions. This of course includes people who use or need things like diapers past the typical age that they're worn as well for these very reasons, as there are many non infants and non elderly people that use them, and all these people should be cared for, respected, and receive proper medical treatment and accomidations.
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crippledpunks · 2 months
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this is your daily reminder to stop being abusive and mean toward people with bladder and bowel issues.
im tired of hearing people mock those who struggle with bladder/bowl control, for people who can't tell when they need to go until it's too late or at all, for people who have uncontrollable voidings and leaking, for people who need to wear incontinence products around the clock, for people who need them influctuating amounts and need different kinds of products, for those who bedwet, for those who can't afford incontinence products so their clothes get dirty- to everyone with bowel and bladder issues.
we are human. we are still people. we are not gross, we are disabled. we are struggling with a disability. if you make cutesy posts about canes and wheelchairs, you need to include people who wear diapers, people who need plastic pants, plastic bedsheets and absorbent bed pads. you need to include people who can't tell when they need to go. people who need/use catheters. people who have colostomy bags. people with stained and dirty clothing. people who have to change their incontinence products in public.
you need to include autistic and ADHD and ND and disabled people who feel unsafe without diapers. you need to include people with spinal injuries and ehlers danlos syndrome and muscular control disorders with need incontinence products and feel safe with them. you need to include people who like their diapers and not just tragic stories where it's never discussed or doesn't negatively impact their life and livelihood.
please include all disabilities in your disability positivity posts, and please be kind and treat all disabled people with respect and humility, including those of us with symptoms you may find "gross".
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genderkoolaid · 2 years
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So I read this interesting post from the MensLib subreddit, about how men's issues are always blamed on men themselves and never on society. The post itself as well as the comments are a very good read in digging in to antimasculism & the ways in which feminism has failed to critically examine men's suffering under the patriarchy. For example (all bolding by me):
Here again, the problems predominantly affecting women are addressed by changing society, while those predominantly affecting men are addressed by changing men (or by telling men to change themselves). The difference is not that one approach is right and the other wrong; they are both 'right' in the sense that they highlight genuine issues, but the approach to men's problems is more superficial. When dealing with men's problems, we focus on the immediate cause, which is usually the men's failure to cope with mental strain ("he should have gone to therapy", "he should have learned to open up more"); in contrast, when dealing with women's problems, we focus on "the cause of the cause", and try to remove the systemic social issues causing the mental strain, rather than telling the victims what they should have done to better cope with it.
I think this is a great point, and something we really need to tackle. OP also goes on to talk about self-repression, comparing girls avoiding sexual harassment and boys avoiding bullying:
Boys (and men) are notorious for repressing their emotions. They have a good reason: in boys' peer groups, a failure to control your emotions is almost as shameful as a failure to control your bladder; it is a sign of weakness, and any sign of weakness makes you a target for bullying and ridicule. So boys learn to wear a permanent mask of aloof toughness to avoid inadvertently revealing any sign of weakness or uncontrolled emotion, and many keep this habit into adulthood. It is generally well recognized that suppressing emotions is unhealthy in the long run, but it seems to me that the commonly proposed antidote is misguided: boys (or men) are told to "just open up more and be vulnerable" or to "learn how to cry", as if their reluctance to show emotions were some kind of irrational emotion-phobia, rather than a perfectly reasonable, perhaps even necessary, defense against the ridicule, contempt and loss of respect that society inflicts upon those who can't keep their emotions in check in the proper "manly" way.
It's something we don't really question in mainstream feminism. Women's issues have a societal root, and men's issues are issues that men put on themselves, and therefore men just need to fix it themselves and change.
And while yes, we all have a responsibility to unlearn harmful societal teachings, just saying "men need to fix their shit" doesn't help anyone. I've been annoyed for a while at how people will react to men suffering under the patriarchy with "UGH they need to go to therapy", as if
Needing therapy is a sign of failure or a bad thing, and someone not going to therapy when they need to is them being an asshole on purpose and not potentially a sign of them not feeling safe enough to go to therapy, feeling too ashamed, not having enough money or time, etc.
Individual men getting individual therapy will solve the societal problems of forcing boys and men to repress their emotions and view themselves as only valuable if they can perform manual labor and have a lot of sex with women. It's a problem that is only perpetuated by men themselves and if they just stopped doing that, then the problem would disappear.
No self-respecting feminist would ever react to a woman obviously suffering from the patriarchy with "ugh, she needs to go to therapy and fix herself." Yes, therapy would be helpful most likely, but that's not going to actually fix the underlying cause of her issues. So why do we, as feminists, think that "men just need to fix themselves" is an okay response to societal suffering under the patriarchy?
Who does this help? Who benefits from us ignoring these issues? Why do we assume that men's experiences under the patriarchy are so one-dimensional and that we have no responsibility for unlearning our societal biases around men and masculinity?
Someone in the comments also added this quote from the "perpetually relevant" I Am A Transwoman. I Am In The Closet. I Am Not Coming Out essay by Jen Coates:
Have you noticed, when a product is marketed in an unnecessarily gendered way, that the blame shifts depending on the gender? That a pink pen made “for women” is (and this is, of course, true) the work of idiotic cynical marketing people trying insultingly to pander to what they imagine women want? But when they make yogurt “for men” it is suddenly about how hilarious and fragile masculinity is — how men can’t eat yogurt unless their poor widdle bwains can be sure it doesn’t make them gay? #MasculinitySoFragile is aimed, with smug malice, at men—not marketers.
And then another commenter left this (and referenced bell hooks' work on men!!):
"Do you agree that we tend to approach women's problems as systemic issues, and men's problems as personal issues?" Yes, and there's even a name for this: Hyperagency. Individual men are assumed to be immune to systemic pressures because the people at the top of the hierarchies generating those pressures are also men. "And if you do agree with that, do you think this difference in approach is justified, or do you rather think it is a case of an unfair bias?" It's pretty clearly not rooted in reality. The idea that billions of ordinary men aren't beholden to the social constructs under which they were raised is just plain silly. I'd blame the empathy gap, but honestly I feel like it's more than that. Patriarchy hyper-individualizes every struggle a man faces as a way to shield itself from critique and gaslight ordinary men. The motivations there are readily apparent. However, we see the same blind spot appear even in more academic Feminist spaces (taking for granted that "Feminist" spaces on social media are hardly representative of the cutting edge of Feminist thought). bell hooks once postulated that some Feminist women are deeply afraid of acknowledging how little they understand about men, let alone taking the steps to broach that gap.
Another person explained hyperagency by saying "Every single individual man is a hyper agent who is just expected to bootstrap his way out of the patriarchy through sheer force of will."
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prettyprettypaci2 · 3 months
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Drool - Part 3
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💊 Part 1 💊 Part 2 💊
"Oh no, Jess! It looks like our newest patient had a visit from the Potty Monster."
Your brain feels like it's melting. You're desperate to tic, but every muscle in your body is too sluggish and heavy to do more than slosh around in the sinking pool that has become your mattress. The enormous pacifier strapped in your mouth bubbles and squeaks as your lolling tongue pushes creamy drool through the pink shield. But that familiar wetness has been joined by a new one: a puddle of bitter-smelling urine that has periodically expanded and reheated over the last hour, your lower body paralyzed by Nurse Molly's muscle relaxers.
"Mmmmnnnnnnnnggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh," you moan into the thick shaft of the pacifier, dripping pathetically onto the tight cloth bib. The weight of your accumulating drool has now pasted the bib to your chest, and you can feel your saliva seeping through the thin pink paper of your hospital gown.
"You never mentioned any bladder troubles on your application, honey. It's okay, but it's a very important detail for the doctor to know about before your treatment can start!"
Your face gets so hot you can practically feel it crackle. You DON'T have bladder troubles! Nurse Molly obviously gave you too many muscle relaxers! You want to stammer out in protest, but with the leather strap securing the pacifier to your lips, you're completely unable to contradict your nurse's assumptions.
"Jess, I'm going to go fetch some protection. Can you do what you can with the waterworks?"
You become aware of a new presence as Nurse Molly leaves the room: a young woman in a white uniform with shoulder-length hair dyed in an eye-popping pink. You're humiliated to be seen by a stranger while you're writhing stupidly in a lake of your own pee and drool, nursing a fat pacifier and barely able to lift your worthless, mittened hands. You turn your head away as she approaches.
"Hmph. Just what we needed...another bedwetter," she says, her voice oozing with a mix of amusement and genuine frustration. "I'm Nurse Jessica; I'm usually on the night shift. I looked at your file. You're a twitchy one, aren't you? You've got a lot of work ahead of you, especially if we have to start dealing with soaked mattresses."
Nurse Jessica reaches behind your head to untie your cloth bib and peels the saturated square of fabric off of your chest. She tosses it to the floor with a wet plop before folding down the pink-and-white fiberglass guardrails of your bed. You desperately want to explain that you're not actually a bedwetter...but as the pink-haired nurse rolls you onto your side and begins laying down piles of dry towels, all you can do is suckle, sniffle, and moan.
Still unable to move under your own power, you try to focus on the television that has been playing non-stop since you were brought to the room. The bunny cartoon has been replaced with a show where some lady in a princess costume is interacting with puppets. The dialogue and plot are deliriously simple, but it's still preferable to acknowledging Nurse Jessica as she tears off your damp paper hospital gown and begins scrubbing your naked bottom. Once again, lacking any outlet for your instinct to tic, you try to concentrate your nervous energy on the rubbery bulb of the pacifier in your mouth.
"How's our super soaker?"
You hear the familiar voice of Nurse Molly as she pulls back the privacy curtain of your room. At first, it looks like she's brought some extra towels for mopping up your accident, but then you realize...
"Thick, thirsty diapers for our shy little lamb! Don't worry, honey, it's not uncommon for people with motor control issues to have some bladder problems. You didn't have to be embarrassed!"
"Nnnnnnnnnnhhhhhhhhhhh!" You cry out in a panic as Nurse Molly unfurls the massive diaper, holding its hourglass shape aloft like a white flag of surrender for your dignity. The plastic backing crinkles and pops, and you begin to writhe in your bed as she approaches with the mass of soft, heavy padding.
"Nnngh! Nnngh! Nnnnnnnnnngh!" Gurgling uselessly into the rubbery nipple that fills your mouth, the lingering effects of the muscle relaxers join forces with the puffy, constraining mittens to leave you completely at the mercy of these two beautiful nurses. Unable to communicate, you stare up at Nurse Jessica with pleading, desperate eyes as Nurse Molly snaps on a fresh pair of latex gloves and squeezes a liberal amount of white cream into her palm.
"Oh...do you need to tic? Get the wiggles out?" Nurse Jessica sneers, ignoring your obvious panic at the prospect of being taped into the massive diaper. She retreats over to the white-and-pink dresser, which you're surprised to realize is stocked not with the clothes and personal items you brought to the clinic, but with a menagerie of animal plushies, toys, and strange-looking clothes.
"Here, cuddle with Honey Horn. That should calm you down." Nurse Jessica dangles a giant stuffed unicorn above you, nuzzling it against your naked chest in a bid for you to grasp on.
You gasp slurpily as you feel the cold cream in Nurse Molly's gloved hand against the sensitive skin of your bottom. Instinctively, you wrap your bare arms around Honey Horn and pull her against your shivering body, aching for warmth and stimulation. All you can do is suckle, wimper, and squeeze the plushie unicorn as Nurse Molly lifts your legs so they form a right angle with the ceiling.
Nurse Jessica holds your ankles, and you feel the cold, damp towels replaced by a velvety, dry cloud. You wiggle against the odd sensation of your cream-slathered skin on the cottony lining of the soft diaper. You've regained enough feeling in your legs to feel the tightness of the leg guards hugging your thighs as Nurse Molly folds the popping plastic up to your belly button. The ripping tapes are like thunder in your ears, and when the nurses' hands finally let go, the new bulk around your hips stays. You summon the strength to shift Honey Horn to the side, just so you can behold what you already know: you've been snugly and securely diapered.
"Now we need to change out this mattress, honey, so we'll need you to get out of bed. It looks like you still have jelly legs from your medicine, so it's probably safest if you hang out with Honey Horn on the floor."
The nurses work together to lift you up and slide a purple cotton t-shirt over your torso before tying a fresh cotton bib around your neck. By the time Nurse Molly helps you plop down onto the pink blanket that Nurse Jessica spread out on the linoleum, your bib is already catching droplets of warm drool that ooze through the shield of your ever-present pacifier. You have no choice but to cling to Honey Horn, unable to do anything else with your mittened hands as you try to summon feeling back into your legs with weak kicks of your pink jelly sandals. And as you lie on your back, squirming and moaning through helpless suckling, your ears ring with the crinkles and pops of your fluffy white diaper, bulging like a balloon, overwhelming your senses with its tightness, its bulk, and its crackling song...
Crinkle, pop, squish, suck. Crinkle, pop, squish, suck.
Crinkle, pop, squish, suck. Crinkle, pop, squish, suck.
💊 Part 4 💊
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olomaya · 6 months
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It's been a while so I thought I'd share some Private Clinic wip updates with y'all.
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I'm pretty much finished with the Optometry module. With it, certain Sims will get an astigmatism and will need prescription glasses. Sims will need to get regular check ups to avoid worsening their astigmatism. There are also other issues Sims can get, particularly kids and elders that optometrists can treat. It's the smallest of the 5 medical modules I've planned so that's about the extent of it but as someone who's been wearing glasses since I was 10. It makes me happy to curse my Sims with an astigmatism too.
Also added some new features to the Clinic Controller to make it easier to run a clinic, including the ability to schedule appointments, either for yourself or for a family member (even babies and toddlers), which you can do in person or online.
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I've started on the ObGyM stuff now for females/pregnant Sims though it's really more just obstetrics. Here's my Obgym giving an ultrasound to a patient (and probably prescribing she get a new husband 😅).
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Pregnant Sims can get ultrasounds, blood tests and examinations to make sure the pregnancy is on track. Having daily check ups will improve the pregnancy and ensure a healthy baby or avoid any issues. You'll also get a sonogram from the ultrasound to show to other Sims to announce your pregnancy.
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Thanks so much to everyone that replied to my request for pregnancy ideas, some of which I've incorporated. The module makes pregnancies less predictable and a bit more challenging. Being pregnant drains hunger, bladder and energy, gives variable due dates and weight gain, and monitors blood pressure, blood sugar and iron levels which are affected by diet and can bring on health complications if too high or low. Sims also get more nausea, heartburn, gas (fun!). I'm also thinking of making the pregnancy books more useful by including information about how the custom pregnancy state by reading them.
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I love the original NonaMena breastfeeding mod but have always wanted something that has more impact for both nursing parents and babies so it makes sense to incorporate it into the obgym module where nursing has health benefits for the baby. Also the state/health of the mother affects how effective nursing is and how it impacts the baby. Stressed moms may have trouble producing milk.
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Finally, I have decided to do live hospital births so OBs can deliver babies in the clinic. I'll share more details on that at a later date but I'm excited to put some interesting gameplay aspects in it.
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