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solazu1 · 2 months

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More questions cause I took a nap and came back with some.

Are there other angels that have wings that are functional? Is Jay the odd one out as per usual or is it common?!?

(Are all angels bird themed? And are their wings?)

This isn't so much a question as I silly thought, do you think he's opened his second eyes instead of the first ones when he first wakes up? Or both? Cause idk I just see Tim looking over and there is a bleary Jay with not his normal eyes open.

THE FEATHERS!! Are they other bird feathers? Do Angels and well Jay mainly need help getting the casing/shell off? Usually birds do it themselves but if they can't they have friends and other birds as far as I've seen. (Or in cases of pets, they have owners help if they're trusting).

Onto Tim, How did he hide his mythicalness from the orderlies and nurses and doctors of the sort while in the Mental hospital? Did he? Cause you show him wearing really baggy jeans to hide his legs and boots and such. Like unlike Jay he can't put a sort of mask on.

Does shaving his horns down? Or does it only hurt once it hits that one spot like nerves and blood supply and such?

He's got big ears, does that mean he can hear Jay more easily? And to further that. (Do you think Jays heartbeat is different then a normal human?) You wrote in the notes he's terrible at pretending to be human.

I'm sorry if some of these aren't answerable or don't make sense, they came to me through sleep deprived naps.

(Last silly question, can we use your art for backgrounds? Like a home screen on our phone or the desktop?)

so excited to answer all these questions ^_^!!!! Big ass explanation post incoming!

So firstly, angels having non-functional wings are very common and there aren't any documated “supernatural” cases where angels have actually flown. An unusually short angel may be able to glide or hover up to a taller ledge like how some Galliformes do. An Angel’s wings are mostly there for display! To attract or repel and for communication.

Jay is, as usual, the odd one out though. Many angels are more light than feathes so when light passes through them the most you can see is their face, wings, bones, and whatever part of them are also feather. Jay is unfortunately way more feathered than the average angel, of whom actually don't have that much coverage on them besides wings and face. Also, most angels have a very ethereal appearance too them, they naturally walk with grace and elegance and have bird-like mannerisms while Jay is awkwardly lanky, clumsy, and unnerving. He does still carry the bird-like mannerisms though.

For the second question he wakes up sometimes with he second eyes, yeah 💀. It is a bit unnerving especially when Tim didn't even know the marks on his face were eyes on his human form.

On the question of maintenance and preening for Jay’s feathers and other angels. Angels, again, usually don't have as many feathers as Jay does and the most help they need is with their wings on the back. Jay struggles reaching his back, his nape, and his wings. It's only a little extra hassle but he's figured that using a brush or back scratcher is the best alternative he has since he doesn't visit his family that often and he can't really expose his forms to his friends. Besides, he's never been at that level of bonding and/or intimacy with someone to let them help preen him!! Alex was a close contender but yk, that didn't go anywhere so really the only people he trusts are his family. (Tim eventually does get permission to help out and touch his feathers but that's for a short while before entry 72). Also some angels resemble real birds while others may appear as a combination of some, others don't even look like they're belonging to a particular species especially in wing type. They're all very naturally colored though ^_^!

Tim is a long explanation because well, the hospitals knew about his whole mythical-ness. His mother was a satyr too but she was really good at hiding it and taught him how to hide it too. It wasn't that hard since his horns hadnt grown in and his ears weren't too big but he still had the issue of the slender sickness. It got so bad the school took notice and she had to admit him (not that she minded, she wasn't the best mother). It didn't take long at all for him to be discovered a satyr and since then he has been in and out of the mental hospital, going back and forth between medical universities for observation, tests, research, and then back to the mental hospital for his “condition”. They weren't really sure what to do about it and once the original facility he resided in burned down he was returned to his mother's care (with medication now obv) and placed in high school. After his freshman year, his horns started to grow and he went from wearing hats occasionally to wearing hats all the time.

Shaving his horns down doesn't hurt him unless he shaves it too far down, then it’ll start to bleed. He spends a shitton of time filing them down though cause its pretty hard to shave them with a nail filer.

He does have significantly better hearing than everyone around him so despite Jay being pretty quiet when he enters a room, Tim can almost always hear him. With the addition to that question Jay does in fact have an irregular heartbeat. It's way too fast sometimes and way too slow other times and if it's too fast then Tim can hear it, he gets concerned for the guy a lot.

Whoop and for the last question, yes!! You can use my art for wallpapers and/or background ^_^!!

#marble hornets #marble hornets au #jay merrick marble hornets #tim wright marble hornets #alex kralie marble hornets #big ass rant #sol rambles #sol rants #oooooohohoho if anyone asks about werewolves I'll go crazy for this au bc I have a LOT to say about those guys and a lot of lore to go with

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cmpunksupremacy · 5 months

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So Punk is back….at WWE.

I haven’t watched WWE regularly in about 8 or so years? Idk if I’m going to start again now that Punk is back. I love him but I genuinely like AEW’s product a lot more. So honestly, what will this blog be?

I think it’ll finally be what I wanted it to be before which was a blend of both AEW and WWE. I used to feel a bit weird about only sticking to one over the other when I still liked some wrestlers in WWE like Sami Zayn and Kevin Owens and a ton of other women wrestlers. It’ll be weird to go back to my roots but I think this is probably the best outcome. I’m still more of an AEW fan with MJF being there and many others I fucking adore.

But yeah, long rant but I felt like I needed to say this not just for my followers who are here for mainly AEW content and also for any possible new followers.

To be clear: I AM NOT PUTTING ONE OVER THE OTHER. I hate that tribalism bullshit. Watch whatever or whoever you want. I’m a Punk die hard. I genuinely don’t care if you hate him, just keep it on your own blog.

Anyways, WE ARE SO BACK BOYS

#aew #wwe #cm punk #big ass rant

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odetodilfs · 1 year

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Listen, I love writing fics, I'm even writing one right now, but the lack of engagement in my recent posts has REALLY put me off recently-

what the hell is that 100 to 7 like to reblog ratio? Like as much as I love doing this it's just not gratifying enough, honestly if this lack of engagement is kept up I'll just cut the fics and maybe even just leave Tumblr as a whole.

#sorry for the rant #big ass rant #but reblogging is not fucking hard

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thyholymistress · 11 months

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proud to be that one friend the grandmothers love. the mothers of everyone i know? they usually think i’m nice but dress weird and like weird things. but the grandmothers. ohhhh the grandmothers love me. and i love them.

they will offer me food and i will consume it in its entirety. i will remark on how nice their mouldy wooden crosses on the walls look. i will not fret when they offer me even more food because i “clearly liked it very much”. i will tell them about how much i like the lace doilies that infest their house as if they were a curse afflicted to them for life. i will gently polish their ceramics with my fingertips as if they where mine. i will tell them that i love their jewellery, pieces of glass and metal big enough to obliterate my existence if placed in the summer sun. i will continue to eat the food they have carefully crafted for me even after years of knowing , despite being allergic to one of the main ingredients and spending hours of my life screaming shouting and crying on top of my toilet losing my soul because of the sacrifice i made for them.

ever since i was 5 i have been training to become a grandmother. i own piles of doilies. i love to knit but forget how to do it if i don’t keep doing it every week. i am already wearing knitted vests and barely know how to speak my own language. i am the grandmother’s best friend. i am the grandmother. the most uncontrollable and chaotic. i am still a school student. but i am ready to live the rest of my life as a pension recipient with the hobby of compulsive knitting and a weird obsession for ugly china plates.

#rant #grandmother #grandma #granny #i am a grandmother inside #my soul is a pension recipient #big ass rant #grandmacore #be scared of for i am the grandmother friend #my power is to be fears for i will crochet your soul if you dare to go against me

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tempestvista · 8 months

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tangent (none of this contains new or cool info i just really like some medias)

evangelion is so cool that shit has me shitting my balls ong. ITS SO COOL AND INTERESTING AND I JSUT. i should rewatch it again yeah some of the scenes are weird and make me a little. concerned that aside the fuckin. god ITS OS? ?!?@?!??bg?g?#G#? Why do so many of the medias i like gotta have mfs that are so hard to draw bruh 😭😭😭😭😭

i feel afraid of posting art even w/ credit cause i know some artists dont like their art reposted (/npa i get it just dont wanna . unintentionally cross that ykwim) LOOK AT THIS SHIT BR. LOOK

THE DESIGN IS FUCKING INSANE WHAT?!?@?h??HWHATHh HWEHHAT !!!! i also really love houseki no kuni / land of the lustrous AND THESE MOTHERFUCKERS

starts shaking

THEYRE SO COOL AND AWESOME AND COOL AND AWEOSMEI AND GI, I JSUT,,,, ... . OGM . AND THE FUCKING SCENE .G,MG , I wont spoiler anytihng but hily fucking shit and also the soundtrack for HnK is AMAZING!!!!! i dont know music in technical terms but i just. god good lord great heavens also please god where the FUCK are dorohedoro fans man. like i see so much baller ass art but i find NO ONE in public servers who has seen dorohedoro and it breaks my bigass heart fr dorohedoro is one of the few medias where i literally am chill with whoever wins the outcome (obv if its well written enough which im sure it will be bcO MG!!!!) honestly tempted to start the manga of it ive been. trying to wait but likei just,. oh my god. i wanna get dorohedoro merch so badly too im ngl i have like NOTHING of it but its one of my favorite medias fucking EVER!!!! LOOK AT THESE GOOFY ASS BITCHES BROO !! /pos

i love having interests . like i do suck at being able to explain why i love things so much and it takes me a few runs to catch up on symbolism because im . im gonna be so real for a second im kinda balls at analysis... that could be related to other things tho ! i will address that another day. LMFAO /lh nav i legit love bein silly ong im just a guy. guy who likes silly things yk??? i do worry tho that people legit think bc of my interests and the way i sometimes talk/act that its the assumption im a minor . 💀💀💀💀💀 i have deadass had ppl treat me like a kid (then again im used to being infantilized, can you guess why? /rh) and even when i clarified they still didnt back off like,.... homie... idunno ermm uhh. songs of the day or smth https://open.spotify.com/track/7L4cY0ETh2FiBWYUjbY3wY?si=2fc466c263404fca https://open.spotify.com/track/2AtC6i0b8TjpjhWBZYLprX?si=3a26e6dfdaa141d5

#big ass rant #tangent #not negative tho #im just bein silly #i love being a little goober guy on the internet #so true!!#ramble #silliness

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ripdragonbeans · 1 year

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When you get confirmation that one of your guy friends, who labeled himself as one of your older brothers, was super touchy, and hit on you when you were 17 and he was 24, is indeed a predator but it took hearing it from other girls to realize this

Like. Wtf. This man, from what I know, between the ages of 25-early 30s has flirted with minors, KISSED THEM and told them not to tell anyone, apparently TOUCHED minors, and they were all girls who believed they had a friendship/safe platonic relationship with this man. He even sent girls, this past year, stupid memes that talked about touching their butt, and then got fucking butt hurt when they all called him out on his bullshit. I'm so fucking mad right now. When talking to me he brought up the nickname my fiance has specifically FOR ME and fucking asked if he could call me that. Excuse me what makes you think I'm gonna let you call me the name my FIANCE has for me??? Watch your fucking boundaries.

I'm literally so fucking livid rn. I just found this out talking to two friends and we discovered together that "oh god it wasn't just me"

#bean speaks #big ass rant

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spielzeugkaiser · 1 year

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hi, first off i really love your art. the h/c and warmth really hit me where i live and your illustration style is fantastic. lately i've been obsessed with the post where an unwell milek thinks geralt will leave him behind. was that an ingrained insecurity, assuming his super-witcher dad wouldn't have time for a sickly human kid?

[MASTERPOST] - Ahh, thank you for the ask! Yes, this scene.. I actually saw this a bit differently! It's not about Milek fearing Geralt will leave him behind, he actually wants him to. They need to find his Pa!! I think he often feels like a burden; Jaskier knows this, but Geralt isn't aware of this yet. Milek just wants to pull his weight, especially with Jaskier. A little sneak peak to their struggles regarding this:

Meanwhile Jaskier continues to struggle with his omega status.

#jaskier #the witcher #geraskier lovechild #julian alfred pankratz #omegaverse #there are various things happening here! a. Milek never really had to fear that Jaskier would leave him he knows he never ever would #b. Jaskier said again and again that he'll always care for him and loves him and that he doesn't have to pull any weight at all #c. Jaskier actually became the parent that just wants his kid to be educated and study and learn #(maybe because he knows Milek won't be able to do hard labour but also because he knows what Milek really wants to do)#(filed under: things I haven't drawn yet but they had their big fallout because of oxenfurt and university - things to come in the future)#d. Milek has watched Jaskier working his ass off in various jobs that he didn't like #(and he thinks that prostitution is the worst but only because they didn't properly talk about it before)#e. Jaskier is struggling with how he is percieved - which I think was never that much on his mind when he was travelling with Geralt #being a carefree bard and giving everyone the middlefinger who had some wrong ideas about what he could do and what not #but this is definitely an AU in which he doesn't have a good relationship with his father and he can still hear him say he'll become #'an unbonded omega with a bastard child working on the streets' and I think sometimes it gets to him #(because Jaskier is king of hating his parents ever being right about him)#that Jaskier kind of wants to spare Milek and quietly hopes we won't become an omega - even if he feels bad about it - shall become plot #(one dayyyy)#anyway that was a very long rant about Mileks complex relationship with him feeling like a burden

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sailing-with-100-ships · 2 months

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Saw someone with very less brain cells here saying the race was not exciting and that Max would have won if he had not DNFd.

To put things in perspective, people are happy Carlos won and also due to the fact that Max was not there. Because honestly tell me, if Max won it would have been boring. With Carlos, atleast we saw a different podium. A different driver up there. And you are very wrong in assuming Carlos would not have put up a fight to Max. He would have. He even would have managed to overtake him or even if that would not happen, he would have got P2.

Another thing, why would Charles even want to overtake or the team would give those orders? Carlos was managing the pace. The car was feeling good to him. And that is all that matters. And his tyres were finished only when there were two laps remaining.

Hating on Carlos has become a fucking game to you guys. You don't have the brain cells to comprehend the fact that he won. All you do is whine and cry like a baby because Charles did not win.

Last year when Charles was on the podium in a row, Carlos fans were not breathing down your neck as to why Carlos is not up there. We were not saying 'it isn't fair' or 'you left Carlos in the dust.'

You have a brain. Please use it. And no matter how much you cry and throw hands, Carlos is STILL the winner of the 2024 Australian GP.

#carlos sainz jr #carlos sainz #a big ass rant #not ashamed #i will defend that guy with my life #expecially when he has not done anything #keep the hate to twitter #we do not need it here #f1 #formula 1 #australia gp 2024

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grayve-mistake · 11 months

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this is just kind of a big tangent but like I fucking hate when nerd ass losers see a game with even vague similarities to another game and go "ERMMM. HOW ORIGINALL (SARCASTIC). THIS IS JUST ANOTHER GAME IN THE STUPID TREND OF-" and then they list every genre/label under the sun to try and discredit the game as unoriginal by comparing it to other games. 90% of the time they haven't even played the game they're complaining about. they just see pixel art and get angry ig.

like look at this image. look at this and tell me it's not just alphabet soup. what do half of these words even mean. congrats on discovering what a genre is I guess?????????? good for you?????? do you want a fuckin award or something???? a little handclap??? shall I pour you a little glass of wine for being oh so smart and sophisticated for figuring out that Things Can Have Little Similarities Sometimes?????? just say that 7 years later you're still bitter that undertale got popular and leave oh my god "quirky dialogue" oh I'm sorry did you want your dialogue boring and soulless yeah let me just remove the personality from the game. here's your Nothing Burger I hope you're happy. "pixel art" oh so i guess like almost every game that came out in the 80s and 90s is actually just part of a so-called "2010s-2020s trend". These people genuinely think earthbound and celeste are "Basically The Same". it's not even an rpg. You had to throw in platformers in your disgusting word smoothie because otherwise you couldn't even find any real similarities besides "has a story and contains pixels". they think the psychological horror game Omori is just Undertale 2. yeah sorry guys Super Fuckin Mario Brothers is part of the quirky rpg metroidvania fjhksdgjhlkfgsdhkfgh-like diarrhea trend. cant play it now or you're cringe and bad. do you people ever get TIIIRRREEDDDDD. DO YOU EVER ENJOY THINGS. ON THEIR OWN MERIT. DO YOU EVEN GIVE THINGS A CHANCE. YOU'RE NOT SPECIAL FOR NOT LIKING THINGS YOU'RE BORING AND ANNOYING AS FUCK. I'm so fucking done

#im not gonna even unpack the meme format it's literally just “haha fat person said the thing so it's bad and cringe” like grow the fuck up #rant #this is just the notlikeothergirls thing except it's mostly grown ass men doing it so it's seen as more acceptable somehow #like “ERMMM I DONT LIKE POPULAR GAMESSSS... IM TOO COOL FOR THAT...” no one likes you #if they played the games and decided they weren't for them that'd be one thing. I can understand that.#not everyone is going to like the same things I like and I can live with that. that's fine.#but when you look at a game you so obviously haven't even touched #and decide it's terrible based on Nothing (aka Because It's Marginally Successful/Popular)#and then try to excuse that by somehow connecting it back to every other game you don't like no matter how big of a stretch it takes #that's shitty!#just say you don't wanna play it and leave people who like it alone #you don't have to moralize your taste in media #omori #celeste #earthbound #undertale #metroid #rpg #rpgmaker #indie game #indie games #indie rpg #games #gaming #video games

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strawberryspence · 3 months

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OH I HAVE CONNECTED THE DOTS. THE DOTS.

#im a big ass clown #buddue rants #buddie #911 abc

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arom-antix · 11 months

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@fishshit I consider your post canon so I made it

Edit: I FOUND IT

Edit 2: Yakov trauma

Edit 3: I lied, here's the design rant

#i cant find the original post T_T #im going to search your entire blog if i have to #i will find it #anyway in the mean time heres something that started as a sketch and then went completely out of control and i am not sorry #i am beyond repentance you could say #it took me at least three tries to spell that word right on the illustration and english can go die #viktor deserves to be dramatic as fuck #yakovs aura was made of retirement papers when viktor showed him this #especially when viktor added that “oh by the way ill be wearing a big ass luxury designer fur coat” and then skated away #have fun deciphering the meaning behind all my design choices #for once i will not rant about them #ruins the fun #but if youre interested i do have a breakdown ready at your leasure #im sorry ive been listening to the song for hours now while drawing this and it just fits viktor so well i cannot #this is canon in my heart #arom antix art #arom antix #art #yuri on ice #yoi #yuri on ice fanart #yoi fanart #fanart #viktor nikiforov #also i am so sorry the mukbang comic is taking so long i swear i havent forgotten #some of it is done but its far from finished but itll happen #im going to finish it and you can quote me on that and come to my house and whack me with a newspaper until i do it if you want to #collab #religious imagery

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wikoymi · 2 months

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stiff ahh pose but crazy how its taken me Seven Months to draw a nagito that looks even somewhat remotely close to how he looks in my head. Big day

#nagito komaeda #sdr2 #danganronpa #danganronpa fanart #komaeda nagito #fanart #art #finished #wikoart #ok im just gonna rant about how he looks ive done this before in ts but #Hair. ok you guys know those like cheap ass wigs that have been crimped or wtv you call it. Nagito #Not like the shiny plastic ones but like. The ones that have been really brushed up? i dont know it just feels very coarse i guess #not in the way that he doesnt like wash his hair bc he def does but thats just how his hair is #his mullet type thing is so important to me i can never really translate it well into my art #i got it here tho so. :33333 #other important nagito design aspects because i love him a lot #back profile. big ass hood. semi baggy jeans. stupid eyelashes. the fold on the back of his jacket like midway down where it like goes out #the WALLET CHAIN.#the 55 on the back of his jacket #i just really like his jacket. its so ugly #wide ass shoulders #freakishly tall #i know hes only like 5’11 but you know thats still like a foot taller than me hes freakishly tall to me #bony hands #hes such a freak #i love him so much #his skin is def dry as hell #sandpaper #anemic so hes like freezing to thr touch #COLLARBONES

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bakughostly · 6 months

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SPARE VAMPIRE BKG THOUGHTS ??? SPARE VAMPIRE BKG THOUGHTS SIR MAAM ??

omg i have been traveling so it took me forever to respond to this because i wanted to be able to type out my Thoughts on the computer but WILLOW omg..... u spoil me by asking this. because i have so many and they constantly live in my brain ldfskjfslkdjf

i think what i love about bkg so much as a character is that he has desires but most of those desires take the form of achieving a goal. he has so many things he wants to be the best at and so many heights he wants to reach and yeah, part of this is because he's an ambitious person but part of it is because of his ego and his insecurity and the expectations placed upon him by the people around him/society at large. and i think bkg in any context has these things that he wants to achieve because his desire to reach his lofty goals is integral to his character.

and vampire bkg... think of all that time. what do you do when you've achieved everything you've ever wanted to achieve? what's left after that? for a century he has been achieving his goals, and now he has everything. money and power and even respect from locals in the villages near his castle (though that respect is tinged heavily with fear, because even if they don't know exactly what the handsome bachelor that lives inside the creepy but beautiful castle on the horizon is, they know he's something other... and not to mention he looks exactly like his father, and exactly like his father's father, and isn't it strange that none of us have ever seen their wives, have never seen these men at any point in their lives outside of their late twenties/early thirties?)

i don't think stagnation sits well with bkg. i don't think he's ever learned how to be still. despite having unlimited time, he had to accomplish everything as quick as possible, because he just wanted it all. he wanted to be the best so bad that it sung in his veins like adrenaline. and now, in the aftermath, he feels that same emptiness. adrenaline come and gone and only a hollow tiredness in its wake. now is when you feel the pain--nothing distracts you from it.

and one day... you, cat-curious, find your way to his castle. (this has gotten long lmao so im gonna put a read more)

maybe you're a traveler, or an adventurer, or simply someone in one of the nearby villages that doesn't believe the rumors. but no matter who you are and where you come from, you've heard the stories of his Otherness. though you don't know it yet, just like him, you thrive best with adrenaline thrumming through your veins--you thrive when you have something to want. and you want to know the secrets behind the Otherness that everyone else is so afraid of.

does that mean you're not afraid? god, no. of course you are. but you've reached his castle under an auspicious moon and you're sure this is a good omen.

here is why desire is such a dangerous thing: it is often insatiable. for a long, long time, bkg has survived from the blood of his livestock which he cares for, from game on his land. deer in spring, grouse in winter. to live like that for so long, and then to have something so much more tempting come directly to him, delivered to his doorstep--it's almost like a gift.

at the same time, i don't think bkg relishes the idea of drinking human blood, and certainly not killing a human. i think he could be a bloodthirsty vampire, but specifically when it comes to vengeance. he could hurt someone that wronged him, but not someone whose only crime is their curiosity.

you offer to work for him. to clean his castle, to tend his grounds, to care for his cattle. you know how to cook and how to bake (though you're unaware that this means little to him), and you have more fortitude than your appearance belies--his long-fallow farmland would thrive under your hands if he gave you the opportunity to work with it.

if it was years ago and he was still the same man, he might have said no. but it's hard to care when you feel empty. fine, he says. but don't expect fancy lodging or riches beyond measure.

you work, you investigate, you sleep. it's a cycle. and bkg watches you the whole time, though you're none the wiser. he's smart. he knows what you're doing. but you've broken up the monotony for him.

there's no food in his pantries, and you have to find him to ask for coin to go into town and buy groceries. he doesn't provide you the coin directly--a smart move, perhaps--but later that day, what you've requested has been stocked in the pantry shelves. and that's how you mainly interact with him for a while--weeks, maybe. you wake at dawn and clear the land and feed the cows and pigs and begin the monstrous task of cleaning a castle that has been left to rot and you go to the room you've chosen when the sun is long set, settle into your moth-eaten bed, and sleep harder than you've ever done in your life. if you need tools, feed for the cattle, groceries, supplies to clean, you relay this to him, often finding him in his study reading or in the greenhouse, pruning exotic plants. he never gives you more than nods and grunted words of acquiescence, but despite his temperament, he always provides what you ask for.

he's surprised by your tenacity. by your boldness, to ask for so much, even if it's not for your direct benefit. when you cook dinner each night, you make a serving for him as well. he can admit, begrudgingly, though you are in his space and disrupting his quiet, that he admires the way you chop vegetables so uniformly, that you're so careful with the way you measure out the spices he has filled his cabinets with for you.

and above all, for the first time in a long time, he feels something like desire.

he's never been intrigued by other people--he has friends, other vampires he has known for decades (kirishima and mina), but their friendship was foisted upon him until he gave in. he doesn't think he's intrigued by you. but your blood--

it has been a very long time since he has been tempted by something so sweet.

(i think there has to be so much context for this situation because i truly believe that the longer bkg is alone, the harder it is for him to let someone in. after a century of shutting himself away, it would be almost impossible for him to open himself back up in any significant way. it's the situation that allows for this desire to grow. the lack of anything else to hold his attention, the feeling of achieving everything you've ever wanted to achieve and having nothing left to strive for, the unobtrusive yet spellbinding nature of your presence. he remembers what it was like to want something. this, at first, is what draws him to you. nothing more.)

vampires are always hungry. even when sated, they know that hunger is going to return. there's nothing to stop it. it's the nature of their existence. so yes, at first, it's his hunger that draws him to you, though he wouldn't ever do anything about it.

he talks to you more. finds out things about you. your father was a drunkard and you never smile with teeth. you've worked on farms since late childhood and your right pinkie is crooked from a bad break. you read romance novels late at night and deny that you've been in his library when he asks you about it.

and after dinners spent together where he doesn't eat, after early evenings when he joins you outside to feed the cows, he tells himself this pull he feels is because of that hunger. because of that desire--not for you, but for the lifeblood that nearly intoxicates him just by scent if he gets too close to you.

(though you are aware of his Otherness, he is disarming to you. it's something about the earnestness in everything he does, despite his gruff exterior. he seems rusty at conversation, but his efforts are genuine. he doesn't eat your food, but he picks at it so as to not make you feel bad. you find this more endearing than you care to say aloud.)

and then kirishima and mina visit, and they meet you, his new human employee that lives in his castle and reads his books and touches his shoulder gently when he steadies a ladder for them so they can rehang one of the long-covered paintings in the drawing room, as if he has ever let anyone touch him, as if he has ever let anyone close enough to try--

and it's kirishima that finally asks what's going on, and when bkg says nothing, obviously, he asks again because he knows his best friend better than anyone else in the world--now, perhaps, better than anyone except you--and the truth is more simple than expected.

for so long, bkg had only ever experienced desire as hunger. hunger for blood, hunger for power, hunger for everything greater in the world. he was hungry to be the best. whatever that meant. because becoming the best meant that no one could question him. no one could doubt that he was powerful and all the things that came along with it. no one but himself. surely, he had thought, once he got to the top he would stop having those doubts because he would, unassailably, be the best.

just like hunger, doubt is something that can never be truly sated.

and for a long time he sat with that.

but then, to his own surprise, he was shown that desire can be something other than hunger. something softer, a smile with less teeth. desire can be vegetables chopped precisely, or dirt from the fields caked under fingernails, or a badly-healed little finger. desire can be a gentle hand on his shoulder, an act of trust: i know you'll be there to steady me.

he never knew he could want something without being hungry. never knew he could have his teeth to someone's throat without drawing blood. but now it's all he wants to do.

#i like am going insane over this #willow i'm SO sorry it's a big ass thing #like this has been living in my head for so long #the idea of him being like. i want i want i want and not knowing how to separate that from the hunger he's always had #and then learning. and then realizing that desire without hunger can be even more fulfilling than the ravenous want he felt throughout yout #like omg.....#thank u for sending in an ask. i am honored #HONORED #and i am sorry for my fuckin. rant lmaoooooooooooo #please whenever u want to talk about vampire bkg. hmu #i'm obsessed

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