#better yet he would want to try!!!!! bec for the longest time he thought HE couldn't have it. that HE needed to accept just *being* | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mc-critical · 3 years

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hey, welcome back! hope your exams and stuff went well, and that you're doing fine now.

i wanted to hear your opinion on nigar hatun. i remember seeing one post of yours in which you said that she wasn't a favourite of yours like you favoured other characters and honestly, same. i didn't really much understand the fascination with her. she was an interesting character, but i can't imagine having her as a favourite when there are so many more characters who are far more interesting. i wish they gave her an alternate arc. idk what it could be, i'd like to hear your opinion on it. one alternative ending i came up for her is that she was extremely angry at ibrahim for toying with her and hatice for keeping her sweet little esmanur from her so she joins hurrem to defeat them? which hurrem did try but it didn't really go anywhere and nigar was against hurrem for killing ibrahim which just was kinda frustrating. they literally give hurrem no ally in the harem [except mihrimah later on but mihri is overall varying in terms of power] so it would be good for her to have some support in the harem from people who actually hated her enemies like her. she had actual political support from iskender celebi, rustem, and ayaz pasha and all, sure, but she didn't have much support in the harem, like all powerful women of the harem were against her. nigar obviously wasn't powerful like a sultan but she was an old member of the harem, was respected and even though she kinda lost her dignity with the scandal, she could've regained it with hurrem's help. sumbul was there later on but he was just a very faithful servant and didn't really have any real motive to harm any of hurrem's enemies except for out of his loyalty whilst nigar could've cultivated a hatred for hatice and ibrahim. this is a basic plot but i would've kinda liked seeing it. there can be many more ways her character could've ended but it would be good seeing a woman who didn't bow to her feelings all the time. the sultanas couldn't really control their feelings when it came to love because they were princesses who were used to getting what they wanted most of the time but nigar was a servant who also suffered the hardships of slavery and it obviously would've made her tougher as a person so she could control her feelings better; idk, i feel like this is an aspect of women they could've explored [or if they did explore it, i don't remember it lol my memory lapses a lot so i don't remember the show 100%] anyway, would like to hear your thoughts on nigar. thank you. welcome back again <3

Thank you! <33 Yup, I'm fine and the exams went well. Happy Pride month to you, too! 🏳️‍🌈

Hehe, I wrote that post years ago and while Nigar still isn't one of my absolute favourite characters, I've warmed up to her quite a bit. And honestly, now with the wider experience in the fandom, I can say that she isn't all that loved as it looks like. I then was under the limited wrong impression that the BG Mamma forum was a metric of all the popular opinions and yes, they loved Nigar a lot and I was sometimes confused as to why, but really, that and the Russian fanbase are the only places I have encountered that appreciate her all that much. There are characters I find more interesting than her, that's for sure, but she has her charm and I'm firmly against people reducing her to "evil" or "manipulative" or "weak after she fell in love with Ibrahim", so forth.

The thing she sets her first impression with is her intelligence caused by her relatively high experience in the harem. The advice she gave to Hürrem opened the path to her whole goal (as she herself acknowledged in E41) and that makes for quite an impact for a more recurring character. Despite of this, I never viewed early Nigar as someone taking an open side, hence I didn't find her supposed betrayal to Hürrem surprising in the slightest: she is also trying to survive in this environment in any way she knows how and she can't really find a fully comfortable position, because she is well aware that everyone is thinking for their own gain in the end. Including her. So the only choice she has left is to direct herself to where the wind is blowing and get advantages for herself once she gets the chance. Because all the experience has taught her to repress her feelings (E10 to Hürrem: "In this castle you can't show weakness."), opt to be the more level-headed person and seek for the more pragmatic solutions.

And yet she is very sensitive and perceptive to people that are different than the others or that are in need and is willing to lend them her hand. She adviced and helped Hürrem because she found potential in her, because she wanted to see her succeed, but not through endangering her own self or other people in the process (she told Hürrem that her game had gone too far again in E41), but through negotiation, compromise and adaption, to know when to start and when to stop and be respectful to those above her, no matter how hard or limiting that may look in Hürrem's eyes. Hürrem had the tendency in viewing every sign of support that came to her as granted, she still had that naive part of innocence in her in S01 and early on was in a desparate need of someone to lean on and unconditionally follow her path, that's why when Nigar diverted from that path, it hurt and took her a while to start trusting her again. But I didn't see Nigar as all that attached to Hürrem as Hürrem herself thought she was, especially with how Nigar became stuck between two sultanas later in S01 and that rendered her lost and more insecure than usual.

That's also why I don't view her as a two-faced or hypocritical double-crosser. Because for the longest time, Nigar was the one character in the series before Rüstem appeared that was clearly thinking about her own benefit and survival first and foremost from the beginning when darting between the powerful people in the harem and was the one well aware that she simply can't cling to a single side in her own position. Positions aren't permanent and can always change in such circumstances, so why can't she take advantage of this? Because who cares as much about the feelings for a Kalfa they can still order around after all? She has faced disregard from Mahidevran, Hürrem, Ibrahim and even Hatice. It is pretty understandable that she's going to seek the best opportunity for herself.

That whole facade breaks when she falls in love with Ibrahim. During rewatch, I found myself to have a soft spot for this character deconstruction, especially in S02. I know that it came to pass because of her falling in love with a man that doesn't share the same feelings and there were moments where it looked like she overdid it, even in S02, but for me, the whole thing nicely added a new layer of depth, while still feeling true to Nigar's character. Her future relationship with Ibrahim had been building up back in S01, when Ibrahim (both inadvertently and not I fully believe) played a part in helping her solve the first internal conflict she had (that is the struggle between the two sultanas). Maybe this didn't mean that much to Ibrahim, maybe he was simply trying to be helpful, but it meant a lot to Nigar - that was probably the first time someone seemed to take her feelings into account and actually listen when she couldn't help, but crack under the pressure. So it is only natural that she would search for this source of comfort once again, being ready to face every risk in the process. When she is appointed to Hatice and Ibrahim's castle, when she's practically left alone with Ibrahim, she decides to take that chance, to taste the forbidden fruit. He gave her something she never received and due to her not allowing herself to show weakness and having to cave to everyone else's demands before that, every ounce of affection Ibrahim shows her, it means the world to her. Thus she begins to idealize what she has with him, to the point of denial and delusion, and centers her loyalty completely on him. But that loyalty never seems to falter. She began to resent and/or hate everyone who could possibly stand in Ibrahim's way, something she wouldn't have ever done before. She keeps her level-headed self and intelligence (I don't think that this plot line reduced it in any way, not even when she was at her worst.) and she's ready to take any opportunity for herself (case in point: her marriage with Rüstem.), but now her softer sides and her wish for affection are showing all the more.

The problem I have with Nigar's character, writing-wise, and now that I think about it, the main subject of why I didn't get the deal with her back then (along with considering her S01 self bland.. somehow?), is her S03B characterization. While her falling in love with Ibrahim plot-line became an important part of S02 Nigar's storyline, I don't think it overshadowed or dominated over her other characteristics, making for a neat balance of traits and an interesting, nuanced character. In an attempt to keep her for longest time possible in the story, S03B flanderized her in every possible way and overexaggerated her biggest strengths and flaws until they became stale and unbelievable. Her love for Ibrahim read as а near obsession narratively and her opportunism coupled with her will for revenge, which put her into many repetitive intrigues. At one point I even felt she was reduced to a plot-device (the moment Şah Sultan appointed her as a spy) and she felt a little too purposeless and to have totally outstayed her welcome until her last moment in the series.

The root of this problem is again, that they just didn't know when to stop with Nigar. To be brutally honest, she had no long-term role left to play after Ibrahim's death and it was time for the writers to let her go and maintain her generally strong characterization. The ending I would've chosen for her is to simply have Matrakcı give her Esmanur's location and for her to live with her daughter in piece. I know that because of the tonal shift, the show seemed to be already inclined that everyone had to have a tragic ending of sorts, to underline the growing ruthlessness and cruelty of the themes, but I fully believe that Nigar was one of the only characters that were terribly forced through their tragic endings. She didn't need, nor deserve a tragic ending and I doubt it would've been such a problem for the half-season if she didn't get one. I find a happier ending to be perfectly fine for Nigar and I would've loved to see it, if only for a freshness in ideas for character endings. I loved her Esmanur storyline and to witness her finding happiness with her, the only solace she had left, would have been a great wrap up of her S03 plots and an amazing send-off to Nigar's character.

I appreciate the thought you have put into your ending for her and to be fair, your proposal would be much better than anything S03B gave us. It would nearly correspond with the revenge plot of hers they were going for and it would be something more original at the same time. Hürrem's principal lack of allies doesn't bother me as a fact alone, because all her enemies have understandable reasons to be against her, but what bothers me however, is when the writers try using it to dumb her enemies down and make them doom themselves through their own failings or outright use it to put forced (often soapy) conflicts to make the audience sympathize with Hürrem. Or to make everyone "mistitle" her (is that a word? probably not.) or disrespect her on purpose again for sympathy points (that go beyond the part of her motivation that wants to feel respected and does stuff out of fear not to fall under a less favorable position once again.), without changing the status-quo until say, S04.

It is so deliberate it becomes annoying and seeing something else for a change... honestly, gimme! While I personally prefer a happy ending for Nigar, I would live for Nigar and Hürrem to work together again, while keeping what's become her central motivation intact. It may seem a little OOC for Nigar to work for Hürrem by that point, because she's channeled her loss of the most precious people into rage on those that have taken them away, but it would be a decent shifting of gears and a reverence to her opportunism to work to eradicate those she hates for good, even if it means doing so with one of your bigger enemies. After all, after the mission is fulfilled, she could still work against Hürrem in some way, right?

[Tell me if I got what you meant wrongly, but there is an example of a dynasty sultana putting her love feelings behind and by that I mean Şah Sultan. Her love is in the past by the point she arrived in the castle and her love for Ibrahim is only used as a conflict between her and Hatice, which they get over relatively quick. Sisterly love and ambition are a much bigger priority of Şah's: she cared about Hatice past any resentment she may have harbored over the years and agreed to share her life with Lütfi for the advantage this may bring, even though she didn't love him at all. She divorced him only when he offended the pride of a woman and her own personal pride. Other than that, we indeed didn't have a female character in MC that puts her feelings behind in design as far as I recall, only ones that end up clinging to them completely like Nigar here or ones that let go of them eventually like Mahidevran. Characters that have this design by default are more present in MCK like Safiye, or Turhan, or especially Gülbahar, but as I've said many times, MCK is more ruthless, while MC is more about the personal feelings of the characters, hence every motivation they have is somehow tied to them.]

#magnificent century #muhteşem yüzyıl #muhtesem yuzyil #nigar kalfa #nigar hatun #ask #mihrimah-sultan-can-rail-me

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wkemeup · 4 years

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I’m With You (2/3)

series summary: When two strangers meet on a layover in the Charlotte Airport, they find that a lifetime can sit in the span of three days and it doesn’t take very long at all to fall in love. pairing: bucky x reader warnings: super soft!bucky, shenanigans, an asshole of an ex-boyfriend 🌸series masterlist // series playlist 🌸

T H E W E D D I N G

You sat at the far corner of the bar, tucked behind a post and a sudden influx of men you recognized from your college years enough to turn your back and hide your face into your second glass of bourbon.

The bartender eyed you carefully, raising an eyebrow as you neared the end of your drink but you shook your head. You were drinking too much too fast for a woman alone at a wedding and you figured you should have enough wits about you to look after yourself, at least.

Knee bouncing in a nervous twitch with your heel wrapped around the footrest of the barstool, you let out a tired huff. The ceremony hadn’t even started yet and you were already losing it. Without a single other person around you could cling onto for sanity, you were left alone to face the wedding of your ex-boyfriend, Jack; your longest, most serious relationship. Actually, your only relationship.

Shit.

You took another sip.

The rowdy group of guys beside you were hollering amongst one another and you could spot one staring at you with a hungry kind of look that made your stomach turn. You reached into your bag, hoping to distract yourself with your phone when your fingers touched crumpled paper.

You pulled it out slowly, examining the series of numbers scribbled in black ink you’d been handed at three in the morning by the handsome stranger who’d turned a near overnight in the Charlotte airport into an adventure filled with coffee, cartwheels, snacks, checkers, and intimate questions you never would have answered if it wasn’t for the genuine curve of his smile and the kindness in the blue of his eyes.

Bucky.

You swallowed nervously, running a thumb over the letters. It hadn’t even been a full twenty-four hours since you’d seen him and you were already thinking of calling. You sighed, groaning, never having felt more pathetic in your life. Until, Marci Jacobs walked into the room and somehow, you felt even worse.

Marci was a friend of Jack’s from school. She never liked you in all the three years you’d been with Jack and she made no effort to hide her dislike of you. She spotted you from across the room and with a smirk upon her face, she made her way towards you, despite your best efforts to sink into yourself and disappear completely.

“Y/n!” she cheered, voice shrill and fake as she attempted to hug you. You let her, awkwardly, though you remained incredibly stiff. She didn’t seem to notice or care. “We didn’t think you’d make it with the storm!”

“Yep,” you nodded, eyes darting to the floor. “Got a last-minute flight this morning around three.”

“Good, good,” she replied, though she was looking over your shoulder, like she was waiting for someone. “So… are you here alone?”

There it was. The reason she came over to you. There always had to be something with Marci, a reason for her to berate you.

You sighed, nodding and gesturing to the clearly empty seats around you. She smiled.

“Shame,” she shrugged, though she didn’t look the least upset about it. “Anyway, I’ll see you at the ceremony. I’m sure you’re looking forward to seeing Jack again. Oh! And the bouquet toss, since you’re clearly available.”

You clenched your jaw, forcing out a nod and a tight smile though it took all of your effort. The moment she turned her back to you and made her way out of the bar, you exhaled a massive breath of relief. Clinging to the crumpled paper in your hand you had hidden in the palm of your grip, you pull out your phone.

You didn’t know what the hell you were thinking attending this wedding; surrounding by Jack and his friends, alone, and the prime target for every joke. But you couldn’t leave now, not now that Marci had seen you and was likely on her way to inform Jack that you’d arrived so they could have a good laugh about it together. A lump burned in your throat just thinking of it.

Before your nerve could get the better of you, you typed the numbers into your phone and brought it to your ear. Each ring echoed in your chest and your heart thumped a decibel louder. Your hand was practically shaking, waiting.

Did you want him to answer? Was it worse if he didn’t?

You nearly hung up the phone before you could find out when a scruffy voice came through the speaker, tired, confused, and your heart froze.

“Hello?” he called, like he’d just woken up.

You parted your lips to respond, but nothing came out.

“Anyone there?” he asked slowly and you were sure he could hear the patrons in the bar, the music playing low over the speakers, and the clinking of glasses as the bartender stacked them on the shelf beside you.

“Hey Bucky,” you finally choked out, cursing yourself at how pathetic you already felt. There went the whole three-day-rule you had always told yourself you didn’t believe in anyway, but now that you were the one calling less than twenty-four hours later, you felt like an idiot.

An exhale that hinted at relief came through his end of the phone and you could hear him shuffling around, like he was tossing blankets off of him and sitting up on a squeaking bed.

“Hey Y/n, I didn’t—” he chuckled and you could practically picture him running his fingers through his hair, “I didn’t think you’d call so soon,” you winced at that, “but I’m glad you did.”

Okay. That’s interesting.

“You are?” you asked nervously, playing with the edge of your glass, swirling the leftover amber liquid on the bottom.

“I was actually kicking myself over not getting your number,” he said, smile in his voice. “I kept thinking when I boarded my plane that I wanted to text you and tell you to have a safe flight and to text me when you land because – I don’t know – that’s something people do for one another these days and I thought you might think it was kind of sweet or something but I never got your number and I realized I’d have to wait for you to reach out and... I’ll tell ya, Y/n, I was nervous you might not ever call and—” he paused suddenly and a tight breath brushed over the speakers, “I’m rambling like a complete idiot. You must think I’m insane.”

“I already kind of thought you were insane, Bucky,” you laughed, cheeks aching from how wide you were smiling and as his nervous chuckle came through the speakers, you relaxed instantly. “But you’re right, I would have thought it was sweet. Maybe you can do that when I fly home?”

“Yeah,” he replied, “yeah, doll, I absolutely will.”

You bit on your lip, trying to hold back the smile to keep it sacred from the guy who had been eyeing you across the bar earlier. He narrowed his gaze on you and you remembered why you’d called Bucky in the first place.

“Hey, so, um,” you started awkwardly, “are you doing anything today?”

“If wasting away in a hotel room counts as doing something, then sorry, doll, I’m all booked,” he teased, already drawing another smile out of you. “Bec’s graduation is tomorrow. Got today to psych myself up.”

Your heart sank.

“Oh! Oh, okay, yeah that makes sense,” you mumbled, clenching your hand around the glass so tight you thought you might break it.

“Why? What’s going on?” Bucky asked sweetly and you couldn’t help the twist in your stomach. He was too kind, too perfect. You’d never stand a chance with him in real life. Whatever you thought you had with him should have just stayed in the airport at midnight where it belonged.

“It’s—It’s nothing. I don’t want to interrupt your plans.”

“Trust me, doll, I’d rather do just about anything else than spend the whole day ruminating over how freaked out I am about tomorrow.”

You shook your head, suddenly feeling so incredibly stupid for reaching out to him now that it was real. It would be worse than showing up alone. Being with a guy you barely met a day ago who was so clearly out of your league… it would be a field day for Marci and you didn’t even want to think of how Jack would react.

“You’re at that wedding, aren’t you?” Bucky asked gently, carefully, like he knew your heart was breaking on the other end of the phone, even when you didn’t respond. “Where's it at? I’ll come to you.”

“Don’t—Don’t worry about it, Buck. I’m—I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have bothered you with this,” you said quickly, choking on the lump in your throat and trying to avoid the stares of the guy across the bar.

A woman rushed into the room and circled her hand above her head, signaling it was time to gather for the ceremony.

“Y/n, you’re not bothering me, doll,” Bucky insisted, rushed tone because he could hear you shuffling your things together. “Please, just tell me where you are and I’ll be there.”

“I have to go,” you stammered out and even as Bucky tried to object, calling your name as you pulled the phone away from your ear, you hung up.

It was for the best, you told yourself. Bucky couldn’t possibly want you amongst a sea of beautiful women in cocktail dresses and you didn’t think you could handle the look on Jack’s face when he sees just how out of your depth you are. He’d never come out and say it but he’d find ways to chip at your heart, something subtle enough to say in front of a crowd that could still manage to break away your self-esteem. It was a special talent of his.

So, you followed the crowd into the cathedral with bourbon on your breath and wondering how a bar managed to operate next door to a church. Though, you realized, both were places of refuge, weren’t they?

***

The ceremony didn’t start for nearly thirty minutes after the entire guest list had been seated. You sat in the last pew on the right side, tucked away so far back you hoped Jack wouldn’t be able to see you. He stood at the altar, dressed in a black suit with light pink flowers pinned to his lapel as he chatted with his friends standing to his left. He didn’t seem bothered in the slightest by the late arrival of his bride.

When the music finally did start, Marci was the first one down the aisle, followed by four more of the bride’s friends. The dresses were stunning, with a blush sheen and a silk texture, they all looked like models off of a runway. You glanced down at your burgundy dress. It cinched at the waist and flowed gently down to the mid of your thighs and you had thought it was decent enough until you saw these women walk by.

Then, came the bride, Lena, with long blonde waves flowing down her back and braids circling her head in a crown, adorned with flowers and a vail that swept over her exposed back and carried for yards behind her in the aisle. Her dress was unlike anything you’d seen and looked like it was hand made for her. She was perfect. She was exceptional. You understood what Jack meant by ‘better options.’

Some shuffling on your left suddenly grabbed your attention as the minister greeted the guests, and you turned to find the other members of your pew grumbling. You narrowed your eyes, trying to find the source of their irritation when a familiar voice whispered beside you, “so, what I miss?”

You turned sharply to your right to where the voice had spoken in your ear to find Bucky grinning wildly at you, albeit a little out of breath as he rested against the pew ahead of him for support. Your jaw dropped, looking him over to find him in a light blue suit that somehow managed to make his eyes stand out more than they already did. A bead of sweat dripped from his brow and his quickly wiped it away.

“W-What are you doing here?”

“Attending a wedding. What are you doing here?” he replied cheekily, taking a seat as the minister instructed. He tugged on your hand to sit down next to him when you didn’t budge, still in shock, not noticing you were the only one still standing. Your face flushed a red as your dress.

“How did you— How did you even find it?” you whispered, grimacing as an older gentleman in the pew ahead of you turned around to glare in your direction.

“It’s the third one I’ve been to today,” Bucky said into your ear, so impossibly close you could feel the warm of his breath against your skin. You shivered as he continued. “Once I picked up a suit from my buddy Steve, I just had to check the papers. Turns out, there’s seven couples getting married in Atlanta today. Got lucky on number three.”

You nodded, understanding the logic of it but at a loss as to why he was sitting next to you. He must have picked up on your confusion and he smiled sweetly at you.

“You sounded upset on the phone,” he said softly as the guests recited a psalm together in unison. He leaned closer so you could hear him. “I didn’t want you to be alone through this. I know it might not feel like it, but you made a world of difference for me last night. I wanted to return the favor. Make something painful a little easier.”

Bucky sighed, standing up with the crowd, and pulling you up by your hand again because you were simply too lost in anything else but him to notice. He smiled at that, nudging your shoulder and leaning in again.

“Plus, I like you,” he said causally and your heart nearly stopped completely, “I wanted to see you again and if I could make a good second impression and be in a suit, I wasn’t going to let that opportunity pass me by. Besides,” he eyed you carefully, smile tugging at his cheeks, “you look beautiful.”

You blushed and Bucky’s smile only widened. You weren’t even sure how that was possible.

“That dress is a good color on you, doll. It matches your cheeks now,” he teased and you swatted at his arm, mumbling at him to ‘shut up’ and he chuckled, biting down on his lip when the man in front of you turned to scold you again. Bucky muttered a quick apology and you pressed your face into his shoulder to keep yourself from bursting out into laughter.

The entire ceremony, Bucky managed to keep a smile on your face, whispering teasing comments into your ear and making fun of the bride’s father who sat with his arms crossed over his chest, red faced, the entire time. You thought you might actually survive this up until the moment the minister requested for Jack and Lena to recite their vows.

Jack pulled out a piece of paper from his jacket and your breath hitched in your throat.

He wrote his own vows?

He couldn’t have been bothered to get you a card on Valentine’s Day or remember your birthday but he chose to write his own vows?

“I have loved you since the first day I saw you,” Jack started and you gripped tight to the pew ahead of you. “I remember the exact dress you were wearing because I’d never seen anyone more beautiful in my entire life.”

Your hand was shaking and even as Bucky noticed, trying to sooth you with a cautious hand laying on top of yours, you could feel the lump burning in your throat.

“It was spring. The flowers were blooming on the cherry blossoms by the library on campus. You were walking out of your econ class carrying four different books and struggling just to see above the bindings. I knew in that instant, you’d be my whole world. Nothing else mattered to me in that moment. It all just faded away.”

You froze, breath caught in your throat. No, no that couldn’t be. He’d broken up with you right after graduation. The way he described his first-time seeing Lena, like it had happened in your last semester at school.

‘It all just faded away.’ You faded away.

He had already found his better option before he even left you.

Oh, God.

Tears were in your eyes before you could stop them. You could only vaguely hear Bucky whispering gently in your ear, his hand running soothingly along your arm, but none of it was registering, not as Jack looked so loving into Lena’s eyes, describing in painful detail the moment he decided to throw you away.

You clenched your hands into fists, digging your nails into your palms as your breaths started to come in with short gasps. Ignoring Bucky’s attempts to calm you, you pushed your way through the aisle, legs shaking and numb and disregarding the disgruntled comments of the guests you squeezed past. You didn’t even spend a second out in the open before you darted out into the back alcove of the church, away from prying eyes in an enclosed room likely meant to hide the bride before the ceremony began.

You stumbled around, trying to find something to ground yourself with but nothing was working. You were feeling light-headed up until the moment two hands grasped onto your arms and you were met with ocean blue eyes.

“Hey, doll, you’re alright,” Bucky whispered, brushing a fallen hair away from your face and letting his free hand slide down your arm until he took a firm hold of your own, guiding it up to his chest and setting it over his heart. “Breathe with me now. In. Out. Good, Y/n. You’re doing so well. Come on now, keep going.”

You nodded, following his instructions and trying to push past the dizziness in your head and the throbbing ache in your chest. He’d done this before, that much you could gather. He was a soldier; he’d mentioned that in the airport. You wondered if he ever got panic attacks like this and you winced at the thought, of even comparing your heartbreak over an ex who didn’t even treat you well to whatever horrors he’d faced overseas.

Bucky’s hand didn’t leave yours as it sat on his chest. His hands were much larger than yours, covering the whole of your palm, and he smiled gently at you the whole time. As your breathing came back down, he whispered praises, told you how safe you were, that you were going to be alright, that he wouldn’t leave you.

How is it that you only met this man at an airport less than twenty-four hours ago?

Bucky pulled out a chair for you once your breathing was more even and helped you to sit down. You glanced up at him, wiping away the tears from your eyes, expecting to find something like pity or annoyance on his face but you were only met with kindness, of empathy, and concern.

“You alright?” he asked carefully.

You could hear the mics picking up Lena’s vows in the background. You clenched your jaw and you nodded, trying to convince him and yourself that you were, but the lump choked you again and the tears came right back.

“I think he cheated on me,” you gasped out and Bucky’s smile fell instantly. “His—His vows. We were still together until after graduation. But he met her b-before and he kept saying nothing else mattered and—and that—that was me, Bucky, I didn’t matter—”

A sob choked its way through you and Bucky darted forward, gathering you in his arms and holding you tight to his chest. You clung onto him like he was your only tether to this earth, crying tears into the lapel of his blue suit as he rubbed his hand in gentle circles over the bare of your back between the straps of your dress.

“You matter, Y/n,” Bucky soothed, repeating it again and again like a mantra, “you matter, okay? Jack is an asshole and an even shitter boyfriend and you deserve so much more than that, do you hear me? You’re incredible and selfless and funny and so fucking beautiful it makes my stomach twist all up in knots just lookin’ at ya. You are the best option, remember? Y/n, I need you to hear me on this.”

“I hear you,” you mumbled into his jacket, though you didn’t quite believe it, not with Jack standing up there proclaiming his love for the woman he left you for.

“Let’s get out of here,” Bucky said, pushing you back from his embrace just enough to get a good look at your face. Your cheeks were rosy and eyes red with tears, and you were certain half of your makeup was down your face, but Bucky didn’t even flinch. He reached forward and brushed his thumb ever so slightly under your eye, wiping away a trail of mascara and tears. “We don’t have to stay, Y/n. We can leave now and go do something fun. Screw Jack and this stupid wedding.”

You laughed despite yourself, but you shook your head. “If I leave now, I’ll never live it down. I can’t be the ex that ran out of the ceremony and deserted the reception. Especially since Jack knows I’m here and Marci will tell every goddamn person at this wedding how pathetic I am.”

“Who gives a shit what those people think?” Bucky shrugged, trying to draw a smile out of you, but your jaw was clenched shut. He sighed. “You give a shit, don’t you?”

“I wish I didn’t,” you replied defeatedly, eyes darting to the floor and shame seeping into your features.

“Okay,” Bucky nodded, tucking a flyaway hair behind your ear and then gently rubbing at the mascara stains on your cheek, “guess we better make the most of it, huh?”

He offered you his hand and you took it gratefully. The two of you started to make your way back into the church when suddenly the door to your secluded room swung open and Marci was standing in the frame. She narrowed her eyes, clearly not expecting to find you here.

“What are you doing?” she snipped, though her voice was light and airy, “the ceremony just ended. Jack and Lena are outside greeting the guests.”

Her eyes fell on Bucky then and she softened immediately. Of course, she did. She was the type of effortlessly stunning you expected Bucky to want but as she trailed her gaze down his body, you felt him stiffen next to you. The moment she caught sight of your hand encased in his, she clenched her jaw.

“Sorry, who are you?” she asked Bucky, stepping closer to him and ignoring your presence completely.

Your lips parted, trying to come up with an excuse because she had seen you at the bar, she’d known you’d been here alone, but you couldn’t form a single strand of words. Thankfully, Bucky was quicker on his feet than you and he darted his free hand out for her to shake.

“Bucky, the boyfriend,” he said casually and your heart stopped. Boyfriend? “I flew in last minute to surprise my girl, but don’t fret, you can tell the happy couple I plan to steer clear of the food and drinks so they don’t have to worry about paying extra for my crashing.”

He pulled you tighter to his side, arm draping over your shoulders and a giddy smile on his face as he pressed a kiss to the crown of your head like it was nothing. Marci didn’t seem convinced, only that was probably more due to the fact that it was you Bucky was talking about and not because he wasn’t a convincing liar. You were pretty convinced for a moment yourself.

“Right,” Marci drawled, reaching to the desk to pick up the marriage certificates, “I guess I’ll see you at the reception. Jack is so looking forward to seeing you, Y/n.”

You nodded, though your hand balled into a fist. In any other tone, maybe her parting words could have sounded like a warm invitation, but to you, they were a threat.

The moment she disappeared out the door and you were alone again, Bucky let out an exasperated sigh.

“She’s… something else,” he grunted. “We should get going if we want to make it to cocktail hour before all the shrimp are gone.”

“Thought you weren’t going to eat?” you chuckled under your breath, the tension fading from your muscles and Bucky must have felt it because his hand snaked back down your arm and into your own.

“Never said I wouldn’t steal one or two off your plate,” he grinned back, leading you to the door and away from your brief sanctuary. You didn’t feel as afraid stepping out of this room when you had Bucky’s hand encased in your own.

***

You didn’t know how you would have survived if it wasn’t for Bucky at your side. The entire cocktail hour, guests gathered in the luxurious ballroom halls, standing around high-top tables with tiny appetizers and mingling amongst themselves. Some were old friends from college, others were extended family you recognized from your time with Jack. They all sent incredibly unsubtle glances in your direction as they whispered to one another.

“The shrimp are overcooked,” Bucky grumbled, though you knew full well they were cooked to perfection and he was just trying to make you feel better. “You sure you don’t want to skip this joint and go to that ice cream shop I was telling you about? I hear it's incredible. I’m tellin’ ya, doll.”

“I’m sure, Bucky,” you said with a soft smile, though as you watched him press his lips into a thin line and nod, your stomach ached a little. “You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to. I’ll be—I’ll be fine on my own.”

“What? No way,” Bucky shook his head as he grabbed another plate of shrimp from a waiter as he passed by. “I’m not going anywhere. Just wanted to give you an out if you needed it. I love weddings, even if they’re for cheating, asshole ex boyfriends. You should see me on the dance floor. You’ll regret ever knowing me.”

“I don’t think that’s possible,” you mumbled under your breath as Bucky took another bite of shrimp. He smiled at you and you weren’t sure if he’d heard you or not, but your heart was swelling to five times its size and you were certain you’d be devastated when the night ended.

The waiters began to guide the guests to the main ballroom and you shuffled in behind Bucky, holding tight to his hand as he led you to where your name plate was listed. As you came up on the table, you realized there wouldn’t be a seat for him.

He noticed too, but he didn’t say a word as he sank down into your chair, and patted his thigh. You froze, narrowing your eyes on him as a heat burned in your face but he started to chuckle, waving you off before he stood and offered you the chair.

“Only joking, Y/n,” he smiled sweetly as you sat down. He crouched next to you, as not to obstruct the view of the incoming wedding party from the guests behind him.

As the announced the bridesmaids and groomsmen, even as Marci came dancing out from behind the double doors, you managed to keep your composure. That was, until Jack and Lena were announced and they sauntered out into the ballroom to enthusiastic applause, smiling widely at one another and so clearly in love it made your stomach twist into painful knots.

You weren’t in love with Jack. That was never the issue, though you wondered if that was what Bucky thought as he watched you carefully as Jack and Lena prepared for their first dance as a married couple, the song echoing through the speakers one on a playlist you had made him for his twenty-first birthday.

No, you didn’t love Jack, not anymore, but you wondered constantly why he never seemed to love you. He certainly couldn’t have then if he left you so easily and you hadn’t even known at the time it was for another woman.

He had said he wanted to look at better options but you always thought it was hypothetical. You didn’t realize he had already found someone else, someone better. You wondered if you were broken; wondered why the one man you’d ever loved, ever given yourself over to wholly, could leave you like you had meant nothing to him.

That was why watching him with Lena was so painful. He was capable of great love and kindness and compassion, but he’d never looked at you with even an ounce of the way he looked at her.

You must have been gripping the edge of the chair tight enough for your muscles to twitch because Bucky’s hand gently sat over yours. He turned to you with a sad kind of smile and that sweet look in his eyes and you wondered if maybe he would find someone better than you, too.

The dance ended and the crowd erupted into applause; the happy couple beaming and thanking their guests as the DJ started to play upbeat music. You watched at Jack led Lena to the head table, offering her to pull out her chair and you rolled your eyes.

“Alright, let’s go,” Bucky huffed, jumping back up to his feet and holding out his hand. You narrowed your eyes, lips pursing.

“What are you—”

“Time to dance, doll. Let’s go,” he said again, prying your hand away from the back of the chair when you refused to budge and started to tug you to the clearly empty dance floor. He yanked you enough to get you on your feet and you were already panicking.

“Bucky! No! This is—this is a bad idea,” you whispered frantically as Bucky dragged you to the center of the dance floor and you darted your head around the room looking for people to laugh and point but no one was playing attention, certainly not as Bucky started to sway his hips and several couples came up to the dance floor to join you.

“It only takes a few people to get the party started,” Bucky shrugged, gesturing to the now packed dance floor as he danced along to the beat, though you remained completely still. He grunted, grabbing onto your shoulders and forcibly moving you in a swaying motion until you started to laugh and he grinned, letting you go as you danced on your own.

***

You didn’t leave the dance floor for nearly an hour, shouting out the lyrics to songs you didn’t even know you had memorized until sweat beaded on your forehead and you forgot who’s wedding you were at in the first place. Bucky was infectious, in every sense of the term; his joy, his laugh, his smile, his overwhelming selflessness. He dropped everything the moment he sensed you were upset and he barely even knew you. What would he do if he’d known you for days? Months? Years?

As he laughed at himself for nearly tripping over his own foot as he spun you around, you wondered if maybe there was something more beyond the stranger who approached you in the airport earlier that morning.

That was, until the DJ announced he was going to “cool things down” and the upbeat music faded into acoustic guitar and slow melodies.

You stumbled slightly in your stance, looking around awkwardly to the couples as they held onto their loved ones, others retreating back to their seats with tired groans. You started to back away to save yourself from the embarrassment of it all, but then, Bucky’s hand latched onto yours.

You turned back to him with wide eyes and you were only met with that beaming grin of his as he pulled you hard enough to come crashing back against his chest. Your hair flew into his face, hand gripping onto the lapel of his jacket for support.

He let out that laugh of his that made your stomach weak as his hand snaked around your waist, holding you still against him but giving you the leeway to move if you wanted to escape. His free hand gently pushed the hair away from your face as he started to sway softly, guiding you along with him and you were sure your breath was locked in your lungs.

“Don’t tell me you were gonna abandon me, doll?”

You chewed on your lip, looking just about anywhere but his eyes. “I don’t usually… um… slow dance.”

“What? Jack never dance with you?” Bucky teased, though you could hear the hint of bitterness behind his voice as he stole a glance over at the head table. When you didn’t respond because you simply couldn’t stand the humiliation of admitting he was right, Bucky clenched his jaw tightly, muscle twitching in the effort. His smile was tense now, though he tried to push aside his anger. “Well screw him. I’m dancing with you, ain’t I? And you’re wonderful at it. Poor sucker doesn't even know what he’s missing.”

You smiled sadly at him as his fingers rubbed careful patterns into the small of your back, encouragingly, reassuringly, and you rested your cheek on his shoulder. The action must have surprised him because you felt his breath hitch, though he relaxed just as quickly, humming along to the song. Off key and still like honey, like the moments before you met him.

You didn’t know how long you stayed like that, swaying gently with him until you unclasped your right hand from his left and wrapped both arms around his neck, his at your waist. Two, three songs passed by and you held him close, listening to the soft brushes of his breath and the fluttering of his heartbeat.

Leaning back slightly because you simply had to know what was going on in his head, you were met with startling blue eyes, though softened and longing for something you couldn’t quite believe. He swallowed, eyes flickering down at your lips.

“Bucky,” you whispered his name, unsure of what you even wanted to say when he was looking at you like that. Your heart was pounding in your chest, thunderous and exhilarated, as he leaned in closer. His breath ghosted against your lips and you swore the entirety of time stopped in that instant, up until the moment a disgruntled cough beside you pulled you both from your daze.

You both flinched at the sound as the elderly woman coughed again, turning to face her as she scowled in your direction before she smiled sweetly at Bucky. She was carrying a handkerchief in her hand, patched of bright red lipstick on the white cloth.

“You looked like a strong young man,” she started and Bucky sent you a glance that made you chuckle, biting on your lip to suppress it before the woman could notice. “My nephew needs some assistance in carrying some of the alcohol barrels from the truck.”

“Kegs?” Bucky asked with a light laugh and she nodded.

“Won’t you be a dear? I’m sure your date won’t mind,” she said, shaking her handkerchief in your direction though she didn’t spare you a glance. You supposed it was something to get used to around Bucky; women of all ages fawning over him, if you ever got the chance to even try to get used to it.

Bucky clenched his jaw, exhaling a tight breath from his nose. “Ma’am, I would, but I’d rather not leave my--”

“Go,” you offered, stepping back from him and pulling away his hands from your waist. He frowned, smile falling instantly but you brushed your hand over his cheek, drawing it back almost instantly. “I’ll be fine, Buck. Go. You won’t be long.”

He nodded and the elderly woman grinned, exposing yellowed teeth with lipstick stains mixed in.

“Be back the second I can,” he promised, grabbing your hand on his cheek and pulling it to his lips, kissing at the knuckles chastely and you were sure your heart stopped beating entirely. He stepped back, offering his arm to the woman as she walked him in the direction of her nephew, leaving you alone on the dance floor surrounded by couples.

Taking a deep breath, you decided to get some air. Without Bucky by your side, the room felt incredibly lonely again and you found yourself searching for a glass of bourbon. Quickly grabbing one from the bartender and making your way outside past the double doors to the back patio, a fresh wave of air hit you and you relaxed instantly.

You looked out to the skyline of the city and sun setting in the distance and flourish colors painting the sky. It was a wonder you stumbled upon something so beautiful. You took a sip of the bourbon, hoping Bucky would find you again before the sun disappeared behind the buildings because you hated the thought of him missing something as incredible as this.

Leaning against the railings, you took a moment to get lost in the sunset. But then, a few minutes later, a hand settled on your shoulder that made your heart jump enough to nearly drop your glass onto the patio floor.

You shrieked, hand clutching to your heart as you steadied the glass in your hand to find Jack holding his hands up defensively at his sides. Your eyes went wide, jaw clenching, and you cursed yourself for even thinking you could get through this wedding without ever having to talk to him.

“It’s good to see you, Y/n,” Jack grinned, eyes falling up and down your figure and you found yourself crossing your arms over your chest, keeping your glass close to your lips because you’d surely need another sip soon. He smirked though his eyes were cold. “You look good.”

“You, too,” you said awkwardly, looking around at the scenery to avoid his eyes. “Congratulations, by the way. Lena is stunning.”

Jack nodded, hands slipping into his pockets as he glanced back into the reception area. “Yeah, she is, isn’t she?”

You swallowed nervously, tapping your foot and silently begging Bucky to find you before you made a complete fool of yourself.

Jack took a step closer to you, staring down at you from his height like a hawk stalking prey. You realized then, that he always made you feel owned, powerless. He didn’t love you in the way you thought he did, the way you so naively thought he was capable of. It wasn’t until you met Bucky that you got even a glimpse of what it felt like to truly be wanted, to be enjoyed, and you’d only known him for a day. He taught you more about what it meant to love someone than Jack did in three years.

“I didn’t think you’d come, actually,” Jack said with a shrug, “after how badly you took the breakup and all.”

You clenched your jaw so tight your muscles ached within seconds. You remembered that day well; with the tears streaming down your face and his cold, hard demeanor as he watched you beg him to stay without an ounce of remorse. You never thought you’d survive that night, but you had, and you did, and you still were, and maybe you were finding a way to forget it.

“I saw you run out of the ceremony, you know,” he said slowly, his hand pushing out to run along your arm and you shivered involuntarily, both revolted by his touch and unable to walk away. “I know you’re still in love with me, baby. It’s okay to admit it.”

You shook your head, “no, I—I'm--”

“You don’t have to lie to me, Y/n,” Jack purred, his hand snaking up into your hair and cupping your cheek. Your breaths were uneven, shaken, and you didn’t have the strength to pull away. Whether it was because of his lingering power over you or the fact that you were outside in the dark, alone with him that forced you still, you didn’t know.

“I’m not--”

“You don’t have to make up some fake boyfriend to get my attention.” Jack brushed his thumb over your mouth and you closed your eyes, unwilling to watch the way he licked at his own lips in the movement. “We both know that you won’t do better than me, baby. I was your best option. You’ll have to find a way to accept that I’ve found mine and... it wasn’t you.”

Your jaw was quivering. He had you exactly where you were three years ago. Lost. Insecure. Broken. The amber liquid in your glass was rippling as your hand trembled.

“There you are, sweetheart! I was looking everywhere for you,” Bucky’s voice carried out into the patio in rush of relief as you quickly stepped away from Jack’s hold on your face. Wearing a bright smile that didn’t quite meet his eyes, Bucky jogged out to meet you and tossed his arm around your waist, tugging you close enough to press a kiss to your cheek that drew a gasp from your lungs.

Jack narrowed his eyes suspiciously on Bucky. “You must be ‘the boyfriend.’” He wasn’t convinced.

“That’s me,” Bucky grinned, pulling you tighter against him, protectively. “Listen man, the ceremony was beautiful but I gotta apologize for sneaking out mid-way through.”

Your eyes widened, heart jumping, as Jack furrowed his brow. You had no idea where Bucky was going with this and you were terrified to find out. You tried stepping on his foot, pinching his side, but he pressed on, urged by the scowl Jack was sending in your direction.

“You know how it is when you see your girl all dolled up and you just can’t keep your hands off her,” Bucky shrugged casually and though you could tell it was an act, Jack couldn’t. He would have laughed it off it was any other woman, but it was you, and he certainly didn’t believe for a second that Bucky could feel that way about you.

“Church or not,” Bucky continued, “I just couldn’t keep myself together. Thought I was gonna lose it if I couldn’t have her right then. But I’m sure you remember how it is.”

Jack nodded tensely though he was lying through his teeth. He never wanted you in the way Bucky was describing and you could feel your heart breaking at the thought that no one ever would. Bucky was acting, playing the part he assigned for himself earlier in the evening when he was talking to Marci just to spare you from the humiliation of admitting how truly pathetic you were. He couldn’t possibly be serious, couldn’t actually want those things. Hell, he hardly knew you.

You had to remind yourself again and again that you’d only known Bucky a day and not a lifetime, because it sure as hell felt like an eternity.

“Have a nice night man and congrats,” Bucky said, voice a little flatter, harder. He looked over to the sunset and down to you as he softened. “I’m gonna spend some time with my girl now, if you don’t mind.”

“Yeah, okay,” Jack grumbled, stealing one last look at you before disappearing back into the ballroom.

The second Jack was out of sight, your whole body relaxed. You expected Bucky to jump away from you, shake his hands off awkwardly, but he didn’t budge. He kept his arm draped around your waist, glaring back in Jack’s direction as he mingled with guests beyond the double doors.

“Sorry about all that, doll,” Bucky sighed nervously. “I just saw him touching you like that and how uncomfortable you were and with the bullshit he was saying... I just had to do something.”

You nodded, though you couldn’t meet his eye. Bucky’s hand brushed up against your cheek in startling contrast to the way Jack had touched you, with such a tenderness that his fingertips just barely grazed against your skin. He leaned forward, pressing his forehead to yours, closing his eyes and sighing gently.

“You’re worth so much more than what he says,” Bucky exhaled, holding you gingerly against him. He believed what he said, that much you could tell, but you couldn’t stop the thoughts racing in the back of your mind telling you that he was wrong, that he was naïve and making you out to be something you’re not, into a whirlwind fantasy of a girl he met in an airport at midnight. You couldn’t be that forever.

“Bucky, you don’t even know me,” you mumbled defeatedly and you could feel Bucky’s thumb brushing over your cheekbone, the clench in his own jaw at your words.

“You really believe that?” he whispered, his breath touching your lips. “You think it takes months or years to know how you feel about someone? I don’t need time to know I like you, to know you’re a good person and you deserve someone who cares about you, not—not someone who’s going to spend years putting you down and making you feel like you don’t matter. You matter, Y/n. You matter to me.”

Tears were welling in your eyes but you pushed them back. “You’ve only known me a day--”

“Then imagine how it’ll be in a week or a month, if you’ll let me stick around,” Bucky smiled, so incredibly sincere and it made your heart flutter. “I meant what I said. I had hoped you’d call. I was thinking I could take you out on a real date and show you this spot in Brooklyn I think you’d like in the park surrounded by flowers and this tiny little vender with the thickest Italian accent you’ll ever hear in your life.”

You laughed a bit at that before you realized and Bucky pressed his lips to your forehead, soft and warm and aching close.

“I never thought you’d call so soon, but believe me when I say I’m happy that you did,” Bucky continued, wrapping both of his arms around your shoulders as you tucked your face against his neck, inhaling the warmth of his scent. He sighed, adjusting his stance but not lessening his hold on you for anything. “I got to see you all dressed up and impress you with my best friend’s suit. Plus, did you see the look on Jack’s face? That asshole finally saw what he was missing out on.”

“That’s sweet, Bucky, but I think he’s just bitter he can’t control me the way he used to,” you shrugged, arms circling around his waist. Cheek pressed to his chest, you listened to the tender thumps of his heartbeat as you gazed out at the stunning array of colors lighting up the sky.

“Who cares what he thinks,” Bucky concluded and you could hear the soft laugh in his voice. He pulled you back after a moment, smiling at you and brushing the crease from your cheek earned from the fold of his lapel. “Can we get out of here now?”

“Yeah, I’m done putting myself through hell,” you nodded, taking his hand as he extended it to you, leading you back into the ballroom to escape through the front door.

You walked past Jack and Lena as they stood by the cake, ready to cut the first slice, and Jack’s eyes followed you across the ballroom as you trailed behind Bucky, narrowed and bitter. You only pursed your lips at him, the smile not reach your eyes as you gave a subtle wave and followed Bucky out the door.

Marci was lingering in the hallway and she parted her lips to say something but Bucky held up a hand, silencing her before she could speak.

“Sorry Mary, we’re heading out,” Bucky waved and her whole face scrunched up in anger as she grumbled her name under her breath. You burst into laughter as Bucky turned over his shoulder to wink at you as he threw open the double doors, leading you out into the cold, crisp air.

You might have expected for him to drop your hand the moment you were free from the lingering stares of Jack and Marci, but he didn’t. He held it firm in his own as he led you down the sidewalk, amongst the busy nightlife and under the blanket of dark blue freckled in stars.

A chill swept up your spine and Bucky only released your hand for a moment to shrug his jacket off his shoulders and swing it around yours.

“You don’t have to do that,” you said quickly, though the warmth of it and the smell of him flooding your senses make it incredibly difficult to object. Bucky shook his head, helping you slide your arms into the sleeves and though it draped loosely around you, he smiled like you were the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen.

“I’ve got long sleeves and pants, doll,” Bucky chuckled, grabbed your hand again and swinging it by his side as he kept pace, “and you have neither. I’m good.”

“Only if you’re sure,” you mumbled, snuggling into the jacket and leaning just a few inches closer to him with every step.

“Oh, I’m definitely sure. Might let you keep it and everything. Looks better on you than it ever did on me.”

You raised an eyebrow. “I thought you side this was your friend’s suit.”

“Steve won’t mind,” he shrugged with a grin. “The guy’s about twice his own size by now. He wore this back in his transition phase between being a twig and full-blown Adonis. I doubt he could fit into it these days.”

“It’s such a good color on you, Bucky, I’d hate to miss the opportunity to see you in it again,” you teased, surprised by the confidence in your own voice and for the first time, Bucky nearly choked on his own words.

“Yeah, well I guess you’ll have to return it to me next time, then.” He beamed at you and though it was dark and he was barely illuminated by the light of the streetlamps, you could see the slight flush in his cheeks.

You walked with Bucky nearly ten minutes before he pulled you to a slow stop in front of an ice-cream shop with stickers in the windows and two teenagers sitting on the counter, talking to one another with cell phones in their hands and bright red t-shirts displaying the name of the shop across the back.

“This was my plan in the event you wanted to ditch,” Bucky explained, pulling you up to the counter. “Google has it at 4.6 stars so it better be just-went-to-an-ex's-wedding-and-he's-still-a-huge-fucking-asshole good.”

You laughed, shoving Bucky’s shoulder and the teenagers behind the counter must have caught onto your presence. One came jumping up to the counter with blonde hair thrown in a messy bun on the top of her head and rows of hair ties on her wrist. She grinned at Bucky before glancing back at her friend. You laughed under your breath, knowing this would just have to be something to get used to if Bucky was really going to stick around. You were working on believing him.

“I’ll take a Rocky Road, and,” he turned to you, “what do you want, doll?”

“Mint chocolate chip,” you answered, clinging onto his arm and watching excitedly as the girl in the back of the shop started to scoop.

It had been ages since you’d been to a small ice cream shop like this, run by local teenagers at absence hours and has probably been around for decades. There wasn’t even anywhere to sit but you figured it had to be good if it was still standing amongst all the hipster joints and cafes.

Bucky paid for the ice cream before you could even notice and he handed you your cone with a grin. You pouted at him and took the cone gratefully. It was cold on your teeth as you licked around the sides, but it was perfection. Definitely worth those 4.6 stars. Might even be fall-in-love-with-the-handsome-stranger-at-the-airport good.

“Thank you,” you said as you went in for another scoop, lapping up the melting drips as it threatened to slip down your hand. Bucky watched you amusingly, chuckling sweetly as he gestured to a bench sitting facing a small park.

As you sat down, Bucky’s arm draped around your shoulders over the back of the bench. He settled in next to you and you found yourself scooting closer to him. You sat in silence together, just watching the birds at the played in the tiny fountain a few feet away and giggling as Bucky tried to avoid getting chocolate stains on his white shirt. You took your last bite and wiped the edges of your lips with your napkin, looking up to Bucky to find he had finished too.

“You have a bit of, um,” you laughed nervously as he furrowed his brow. Stretching up, you licked the edge of your thumb before you brought it to the corner of his lips, swiping at the chocolate on his cheek. Bucky bit his lip, face heating slightly as he watched you, though once the chocolate was gone, you made no effort to pull away.

“Thanks,” he sighed, like a plea in his voice giving you the courage you needed and you surged forward, capturing his lips in your own.

It didn’t take more than a second for Bucky to respond as your hands cupped at his cheeks, drawing him closer and his arms snaked around your waist. His lips were cold, tasting of chocolate and almonds that only intensified as he parted his lips further, his tongue sweeping at your own and you choked back a moan. His hands roamed around your hips, gentle and longing, and holding you as close as he could manage because even with your lower lip between his own, it wasn’t enough.

But then, the sharp ring of his phone echoed through the park, startling you enough to force you to jump back, panting, lips swollen in the kiss and Bucky groaned. He sent you an apologetic grimace as he glanced down at the caller ID, his whole body slumping as he lifted it to his ear.

“Hey ma,” Bucky answered, his voice already drained in the effort. “’Course I’ll be there. Why would you think I’d back out?... Does she know yet?... I’m trying my best here ma but I can’t guarantee she’ll--... No, you don’t understand I’m--… Yeah, okay. See you tomorrow.”

Bucky hung up the phone, a dejected look on his face as he slid it back into his pocket. “I really wish she would have chosen just about any other moment to call.”

You smiled, leaning forward to kiss his cheek and he started to relax a little.

“You helped me forget about tomorrow for a while,” he said, rubbing his hand over your thigh. “Don’t know the last time anyone was able to get me out of my own head. Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me, Buck,” you whispered sincerely. “You’re the one that crashed the wedding. You showed up all on your own. Didn’t even invite you or anything.”

Bucky laughed, drawing the crinkles by his eyes and the warm-hearted smile you adored. He sighed, letting out a heavy exhale before he spoke again, though he kept his gaze straight ahead. “Do you think—Is there any way you’d want to-- Would you maybe--”

“Yes,” you answered quickly, not even having to take a second to think. He turned to you with wide eyes, surprised. “Yes, Bucky, I’ll go with you. You helped me through today, didn’t you? You made an unbearable situation... fun. I know it’s not the same and I know this is family and it’s fragile, but if you want some support, if you want someone to hold your hand and remind you that you’re incredibly selfless and strong and kind and that under it all, your sister still loves you, no matter what happens, I’m there.”

“You’d do that?” His voice was so small, insecure and lost and you wondered if that was how you sounded to him when you talked about Jack. Broken, hurting. It tore at your heart.

“Absolutely,” you replied, grabbed his hand and pulling him back to his feet. “Come on, now. It’s almost two in the morning. We should get you back to your place before the sun rises if you want to look presentable for this graduation.”

Bucky nodded, dragging his feet playfully as you tugged him towards the road, waving for a taxi. On your first try, a yellow cab pulled up by the curb and you winked at him. He shook his head in awe.

“I ever tell you how happy I am it was you I met in Charlotte?”

“You might have mentioned it,” you shrugged with a grin.

Bucky opened the door for you and gestured for you to slide in but you shook your head.

“My hotel’s right here, actually,” you said pointing to the building across the street. The cab driver started fussing the in the front and Bucky slipping a few dollars through his window just to wait. The was a slight panic in his face, like he wasn’t ready for the night to end so soon.

“Text me the address and when to meet you,” you said, grabbing his hand and playing with the lifelines on his palm. “I’ll be there, Bucky. I promise you aren’t alone in this. I’m with you.”

He nodded quickly, trying to convince himself. The seamless transitions between this flirty, teasing man with confidence unlike anything you’d ever seen and the shy, insecure guy with a guilt complex the size of Brooklyn was baffling to watch, but he was pieces of a whole. He was both at once.

You leaned up onto the tops of your toes and pressed a quick kiss to his lips; soft, chaste, and gone before he had the chance to deepen it. You smiled at him, gently shoving him down into the taxi as the cab driver started to grumble under his breath again.

“Tomorrow,” you promised and Bucky nodded. Kissing the back of your hand as you slowly pulled away.

“Tomorrow,” he agreed and let you close the door. You watched from your spot on the sidewalk as the taxi pulled out into the empty road and waited until it disappeared from view.

Once he was gone, you quickly made your way across the street to your hotel, giving a slight wave to the hostess behind the counter. In your room, you shrugged off Bucky’s jacket and hung it up on a hanger from the closet, pressing out the wrinkles and examining it for any drips of light green ice-cream. Then, you changed into your pajamas, wiped your face of makeup and climbed into fresh linen sheets.

To your left, your phone buzzed on the nightstand. You picked it up to find a single text.

I’m with you, too.

You held your phone to your chest, smiling so wide it ached in your cheeks. You fell asleep a few minutes later, the phone still clutched in your hand. Bucky’s light blue jacket hanging in the closet.

To believe I walk alone Is a lie that I've been told So let your heart hold fast For this soon shall pass Like the high tide takes the sand [Let Your Heart Hold Fast – Fort Atlantic]

feedback is so so appreciated 💖

tags 🌸 @sweetheartbarnes / @musiclover1263 / @pies-wands-and-more / @buckygrantbarnes / @mywinterwolf / @breatheeagainnnn / @jewelofwinter / @panic-naran / @fairislesheets / @kaliforniacoastalteens / @captain-hammer-of-asgard / @daydreamsquad / @deanssweetheart / @maybesomedaytho / @montypythonsholysnail / @saharzek / @imsoft-barnes / @galaxkay / @vitamingrant / @alohafromhell1 / @happyeyesandsunshine / @hillface89 / @searchingforbucky / @20coldhearts / @past-perfect-future-tense / @bucknasty-barnes / @clarysthing / @denimandcabernet / @ohthedevilsanus / @sarcasm-ing / @yknott81 / @jackie-houston / @michelehansel / @sanniegirl1214 / @grey-water-colors

#bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x you #marvel

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gra-sonas · 4 years

Note

Hi! Can I just say that the thing I'm most thankful for today is you and your blog. It's literally the onlu tumblr I check every single day without fail & especially in times of turmoil your positivity just brings this peace. I'll be the 1st to admit that I'm not a fan of CAM, to say that I've disliked her since TVD is putting it mildly, but I just came from another blog and saw all these posts listing her faults. I know she's not perfect and I don't even like her but those posts weighed me down

2 so I just went back to your blog to reread all your positive response and I just wanted to say thank you. I didn't even expect to feel bad bec of criticism of CAM bec they were very valid points. But hammering it out after all these time is just heavy om the heart. I feel like what we need to do now is to move forward and heal and put her behind us. So I'm looking forward to any positive feeling or thoughts you'll be willing to share with us. You are a force of good and I'm sending you love

Goodness, I’ve received so much love yesterday, I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed that this continues. 😳Your message made me smile tho, and I thank you for your kind words, nonnie! It makes me happy to know that my blog brings you some comfort. ❤️❤️❤️

Ngl, we’ve had a bit of a rough year. First the S1 finale debacle, then a very long hiatus that left the fandom fractured, followed by a rather underwhelming season 2 - it’s no surprise that there’s currently a lot of bitterness being voiced, especially since CAM contributed in different, and sometimes quite significant ways to what’s upset people. Believe me, I too am still bitter about quite a few things.

But I don’t want to let that bitterness consume me, I don’t want to dwell on it, especially now, when there’s a clean cut and a somewhat promising future on the horizon.

For my own peace of mind, I want to focus on positivity, the possibilities, and all the things I LOVE about the show and its characters. Because there’s still so much I love about RNM (the reason why I’m still here, even tho I didn’t watch S2). S3 won’t be on our screens for another year, and I’d rather try and enjoy the time as much as I can (I don’t want another hellatus...).

I got a lot of asks the night when news broke that she’d leave the show (more than 50 👀), and quite a few of them pointed out negative things about her, listed rumors about her behavior (some dating back to times prior to RNM), mentioned rude comments she’s made, stuff like that. And I’m okay with people sending me these kinds of asks (I get it, sometimes it just feels good to blow off steam).

I didn’t publish them tho, bc like you, the negativity tends to weigh me down, and I don’t want to amplify it.

Tbh, I’m just really tired of being weighed down by negativity. The show did that to me for the longest time (especially the last couple of months), and CAM definitely did play her part in that. But she’s gone now, and I’m more than ready to move on.

There’s nothing we can change about the past 2 seasons, none of the mistakes or writing choices that were made can be undone. Canon is what it is (minus that scene, I refuse to acknowledge its existence), and I more than understand that not everyone’s ready to move on yet, that some of that bitterness has to get out first, be discussed and maybe rehashed a couple more times - all in order to eventually let it go.

I want to focus on the good things from now on tho. I want to fangirl, read fic, write fic (haha, as if my muse would let me 😒DEAR MUSE, I HAVE A BIG BANG TO WRITE, PLS DON’T MAKE IT SO HARD FOR ME), make gifs, perhaps rewatch some S1 scenes. I want to swoon over Tyler, laugh at Vlamis, slowly get excited about S3 around the time they return to Santa Fe - just nurture the little seed of hope that things will be better next season.

I really do feel a lot more hopeful now. I’m not as anxious anymore, I don’t dread thinking about the future of the show like I used to. I’m well aware that even with a new show runner things can go sideways. Chris Hollier isn’t some savior who’s gonna magically fix all past mistakes and will never make any of his own.

He just seems a little less unpredictable, a little less “vindictive”, and a lot less thriving on misery, all things I appreciate. He’s also not constantly on social media to either “spy” on what fans are talking about, or barging in to “correct” us when we supposedly focus on the “wrong” things.

We may have lost the hot wire connection to the show runner, but imo that can be an advantage. I’m sure regardless of him not monitoring fan activity on Twitter and Tumblr 24/7, Chris is well aware of how important Malex are to fans, and he knows how important they are to Tyler and Vlamis. I believe he also knows about all the grievances fans have regarding making PoC the villains, mistreating Maria, sidelining characters, and so on.

He doesn’t have to be on social media to be aware of these things (many of the RNM writers are on social media, it would be a miracle if they didn’t talk about stuff like that in the writers room), and I hope he’s gonna fix some of the more glaring issues, and hopefully he’ll refrain from fucking up Malex (I believe they are in good hands with him tho).

Anyway, this got long and super rambly. Sorry, must’ve been something in the water this morning xD

Here’s to a mostly enjoyable hiatus, what I can do to make it a little more silly and fun, I’ll do. ✨💚👽

#nonnie asks

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lambourngb · 4 years

Note

1 Hi! I saw the Michael wants a family w/ Alex thread & saw you're maybe planning a fic. First off I am such a fan and feel free to delete this if it in anyway offends bec i I swear it's never my intent. It's your fic and you can 1000% write w/ever you want. I can't figure out how to reply to the thread but I saw someone putting in a request not to shade M for not wanting kids. So I thought maybe it'd be okay to reach out too w/ a concern (i hope I'm not overstepping, if so ignore me please).

2 I get that the idea of including her in the 1st place was from a comment who wanted a fun petty moment (no judgement) but it grew to addressing Michael's passiveness. I just wanted to put it out there that I hope incl. her doesn't come off as if she's the 1st option for this. Given the OG text post, it'd be great if Alex is the 1st person Michael thinks of when thinking about a child. The idea of it being a last resort or that he went to someone else 1st just makes me so anxious and sad.

3 I feel like Alex deserves better & that Michael chooses him because he wants to not bec he has no options so I hope it isn't written like that. The show forcing things is tiring me out and it's making me anxious about things I'm usually pretty chill about. I don't even know if you will write it and I don't mean any harm. I hope you're not mad and I didn't offend & this isn't coming off as whiny or demanding, I was just rly hoping to reach out to voice a concern. Thanks for reading.

Hi Nonnie- first of all, thank you. I’m glad you enjoy my writing! That’s always nice to hear. And second of all, I’m not offended and I completely understand your anxiety about Alex being a second choice here with Michael. I’ve always believed that Maria has been Michael’s second choice in canon. He’s convinced himself that things are too hard with Alex and it’s best to give up. I hate that for Michael because it says a lot of things about his non-existent self esteem and his abandonment issues. Anyway, my “Michael wants a family” story is just a nebulous idea at the moment and is obviously something I won’t dive into until I finish off Last Year’s Wishes. I basically smack my brain with a rolled up newspaper and say “No! focus on the thing you started before you start another!”.

When I am ready to dive in- here’s what I’m thinking and hopefully this helps gauge your future interest in this story- like Last Year’s Wishes, I like to write from one limited point of view. I have only tried briefly to write from Michael’s POV, but I feel like this story has to be told from his and that’s intimidating as hell, haha, especially because I feel a deep connection to Alex.

What we know from canon regarding kids and a family is- Michael wants a family. Other than Isobel leaving the door open for herself in the future, he’s the only one who has definitively said he wants kids. I don’t know how Maria or Alex feels about kids, Maria I think I can guess on (more on that below), but Alex, other than saying that Roswell felt like home for the first time because of Michael (triggering Maria’s iconic line “Home can be a person”) hasn’t said much in the way of marriage and family. The fact he bought or rented a house in Roswell, instead of the cabin - maybe that signals he wants to set down roots? Maybe he just hated the commute from the cabin?

Maria is a little easier for me to make a guess over, and I could be wrong, but she’s been working extremely hard to support herself and her mother for many years. Did she dream about being a singer? Did she ever want to leave Roswell? We don’t know, but she is savvy with money and is constantly looking for opportunities to better her position in life financially. And that financial security is still shakey with her 24/7 hustle. Nursing home care in the US is so costly it could be considered a crime, and with Mimi not being old enough to qualify for social security or medicare, that cost is on Maria’s shoulders. From a young age- Maria’s entire focus on the future was based around the knowledge that she was going to have to take care of her mother. I don’t know if that leaves energy for the idea of taking care of a child. Maria also knew she too would face this neurological disorder at some point and become a burden herself. Now does the bracelet stop her decline? How long does the pollen’s keep things in check? And if she does keep her mind healthy and intact, what sort of thing would she be passing on to a more-than-50 percent alien child?

Again I could be projecting my own feelings here, but I just get the vibe that Maria has a lot of caretaker burnout still and is reaching for things that make her feel good in the moment but is in no hurry to take on another big future responsibility outside of making enough money to survive.

And what does that mean for Michael’s relationship with her? If he wants to have a long-term relationship with Maria, he would have to let go of the idea of kids. Here’s the thing, that Michael himself said, he’s good at giving up. He gave up college, he gave up on hope/people, he gave up on the idea he could have a happy ending with Alex- everywhere you look in canon, you see him holding up empty hands when it comes to things he wants and basically saying “I tried for a bit, it was hard, so I’m done trying” (and personally I think he tried for 10 years with Alex, the longest and most stubborn grab for happiness).

Other people get him to keep pushing past that impulse to give up - Liz when it came to curing Isobel, Liz again when it came to saving Max, and Alex- when it came to looking for some hope in a dark story (Nora and Tripp). So I want Michael to be the one who pushes himself past that impulse. I want him to come face to face with his oldest, most wanted desire (A family) and draw a line in the sand, and so no, “I want this, I want this for me” and not back away when it causes conflict with someone else.

But here’s the thing, Michael’s so used to “going where you want me” that I think even in the face of Maria saying “you know, kids aren’t in the future here” he would still try to make it work. I have long joked that I ship everyone on RNM with a therapist (except for Kyle, who is perfect) but I really want Michael to seek out help. I think he would go, but for entirely the wrong purpose- in my story, he would go see a therapist and say to them, “I can fix a busted transmission, but I can’t fix this. Can you help me with this? She doesn’t want a family but I do. How can I change myself”

And oh boy is that a pandora’s box for a therapist. Digging into the meat of you don’t think people will stay so you push them away- Alex, then when they do express they want you, you don’t believe it will last so why bother trying again. In the process of Michael trying to fix himself so he can preserve his relationship with Maria, he discovers though guidance - that he can’t be a good partner if he’s not good to himself, and letting someone else’s desires supersede his own isn’t healthy. Then finding the balance after you figure out you can say no- because compromise is also important.

Somewhere in this mess is Sanders, who after hearing that Michael’s ready to ditch the idea of being someone’s dad, shakes him by the shirt collar. Explaining to Michael that just maybe he should have tried harder all those years ago to be someone who could adopt him, that shame never leaves him. Trying twice was good but not good enough, who’s to say the third time wouldn’t have been successful? But somewhere along the line Sanders decided it was easier to be the old gin-soaked junkyard dog than be someone who was willing to do the work of sobriety. Does Michael want to follow in his footsteps? Leave some kid in a place they don’t belong if he has the ability and desire to provide a home? And Michael decides he is done telling himself it won’t work out, that he wants this with an impulse stronger than his self-defeatist instincts.

And that is the death knell on his relationship with Maria- incompatible.

Then, because I’m a Malex shipper through and through, there’s Alex. He’s shown up for Michael all through season 2. And in my eyes, they’ve worked on their friendship (drown in those 2x04 feels) and Michael calls him for advice, lays out what’s going on with him and Alex supports him on that path to being happy. Alex gently probing him about how long he’s had this dream of being a parent, hearing how it predated senior year, but after senior year Michael inserted Alex into the dream. Michael sharing even after everything, he still thinks of Alex of being there, maybe an uncle? And Alex, overwhelmed by how serious Michael was and maybe still is? Takes it slow, this can’t be a rebound, just urges him to take the small steps, like mentoring with Big Brothers/Big Sisters or through the YMCA.

Those logical steps get escalated when Michael discovers a hitchhiker stowed away in flatbed of his tow trunk after a stop at a rest area. He sees himself in this angry, but desperate kid. He doesn’t want to give the kid up and so he calls on Alex yet again, to do a background check to make sure the story is true and then pleads for him to help. Make Michael foster-parent worthy in the eyes of the law. I don’t know if this skirts the fear you have that Alex is the last resort? In my mind, his two oldest desires are having a kid AND having Alex, and once he works out he can have the first, he realizes that all is not lost with Alex as well.

Anyway my very long thoughts on this story I AM NOT WRITING RIGHT NOW: a take on ‘fake engagement because of CPS’ where Alex installs Michael into his house all so they could give a home to this stray kid.

#anon ask #writing thoughts #wip #malex fic prompt #Anonymous #my thoughts on this predate that post i commented on #basically i spend a lot of time thinking up ways for M*luca to break up #i need a break up that leaves me not hating anyone #and if Maria just decides she's just not into Michael while Michael is all in? Yikes #dude is not good at trying again after defeat #michael guerin deserves good things #therapy is needed stat for this disaster #tags added after my commute to work

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coffee-obsessed-writer · 6 years

Text

Forever in Vancouver

Summary: Six months into their relationship, it was hard finding time together. But when they finally do, will it be everything they hoped?

Part 1: Fated in Lynchburg

Part 2: Found in Nashville

Pairing: Jensen x Reader; Jared x Jensen; Reader x Jill (OFC bffs) x Filip (Jill’s husband)

Words: 10K - Ok, I know its long. I DID NOT intend for this to happen. But it did, so I apologize. I sorta hate myself for it but, it is what it is. I hope you enjoy! (just leaving this here from last time)

Warnings: Smut, Fluff, Anxiety, language, 18+ only

Square filled: Free Space

A/N: Written for @spngenrebingo . PART 3 OF 3. A huge thank you to my writing partner in crime @kazosa for not only helping me but also listening to me gripe and checking over everything I was unsure of. I hope you enjoyed it because it was as much for you as it was for myself <3

Everything Tags: @his-paradox // @sorenmarie87 // @lefthologramdeer // @grace-for-sale // @redm81 // @becs-bunker // @docharleythegeekqueen // @moonchild-shoshanna // @geeksareunique

SPN Tags: @soythedemonqueen // @kazosa // @lucifer-in-leather // @perseusandmedusa // @tiquismiquis // @mrsbarnes-rogers // @yorkeylover // @through-thesilver-lining // @illysamorgan // @fictionalabyss // @gettinjoyful // @auntsalgal // @stuckupstucky // @miss-spnm0mma // @teller258316 // @spnhollis // @sweet-things-4-life // @hobby27 // @sweetlythoughtfulbird // @theoriginalvicki // @dreamchester67 // @xxwarhawk // @assassinofmasyaf // @babykalika2001 // @negans-wife // @superwhovianfangirl81 // @toobusynerdfighting // @vickyfarley // @missihart23 // @letsby // @ravenangel33

@thewinchesterchronicles // @wayward-gypsy // @closetspngirl // @fatestemptress // @rebelminxy // @22sarah08

The plane bounced roughly down the tarmac and while that normally would have been enough to set your nerves on fire, today it didn’t bother you one bit. It didn’t, because it meant you were home.

Sort of.

It wasn’t your home, but you would be back in Vancouver where Jensen was, and for you, that was even better. It had only been about six months since Nashville and in that time you and Jensen tried to spend as much time together as possible. Stolen weekends here and there. Long nights of driving to meet up with him at a con, or him buying you a ticket to fly out to Vancouver for one night, then back the next day.

It was fun and exciting, and very exhausting. You could see the toll all the traveling was taking on him. You meet him whenever you could, but you had your own career and life to keep up with. Finding a way to make it successful had been trying, but when you had time together, it was easy to remember why it was worth it.

This was the longest stretch you’d gone without seeing each other. He was on the tail end of a three week stretch of a tight filming schedule, two separate interviews and one con weekend was thrown into the mix. When he had a schedule like that, those were the weeks when there was barely a phone call to be had between you and you found yourself missing him more than usual.

Jill’s book was finished and edited, so she kept her promise and booked a five-day vacation at one of the most beautiful resorts that the Maldives had to offer. Jensen was going to be knee-deep in filming again as they neared closer to finishing the season, so you gathered up your vacation time and decided to take a nice long trip. Start off the first part with your best friend and wrap it up in Vancouver with Jensen.

He just didn’t know about it.

You told him you’d be gone for two weeks, to which he pouted like a child, but he wanted you to go and have a good time. Knowing you were headed to him after a couple of days, you started to worry that surprising him wouldn’t be a good idea. In a complete panic, you texted Jared and ran the idea by him. He, however, thought it was a perfect idea.

Jill’s connecting flight wasn’t until late the following day so she would spend the time with you and Jensen, then you’d have him all to yourself for a full week; a notion that both excited and scared you. As the plane finally rolled to a stop, you whipped out your phone and immediately texted Jared.

Just landed. Did you spill the beans yet?

Where’s the trust? I know how to keep a secret.

Lol, just checking. Deplaning soon, gonna grab a cab and head to J’s

Already done. Driver should be there waiting. Text me when you find em.

You’re the best! Thanks, Jar 😊

Just don’t answer the door wrapped in cellophane or anything, I’ll be coming back with him.

Fine. But there go my plans…

….I’m already regretting this.

Cya soon!

Giggling to yourself, you put your phone away and turned to wake Jill to let her know you’d arrived.

After getting off the plane and grabbing your luggage, you easily found the driver Jared had sent and were on your way to Jensen’s apartment. The ride was longer than usual getting through traffic, so you and Jill were flipping through the pictures you took on your trip.

“You gotta text me that one now, I wanna send it to Filip,” Jill said and took the phone out of your hand, taking it upon herself to do so. When she opened your texts, she saw the ones from Jared.

“You told Jared you were coming?”

“Yeah, I wasn’t sure if I should surprise him or not. I know his schedule’s been crazy and didn’t want to get in the way.”

“Get in the way?” she asked, sitting up a little straighter in her seat. “Why would you be in the way? Has he ever made you—”

“No… easy tiger. I just meant that because it’s last minute and I am surprising him… the man keeps a schedule. He’s got a lot going on and I didn’t want him to feel pressured to have to cancel anything or rearrange anything. That’s why I checked with Jared.”

Jill settled back into her seat and went back to sending the photo to herself, then returned your phone. “Sorry, didn’t mean to jump ugly, but you know, you are family to me and I have to make sure this man is worth all the trouble and traveling to see each other.”

“He’s worth it,” you smiled and felt your heart fill at knowing you were going to see him soon.

“So, things are good?”

“Yeah, things are good.”

“Is it getting serious?”

You scowled at her. “What’s with the interrogation all of a sudden?”

She shrugged. “I can see how you feel about him just as the sheer mention of his name. What I wanna know is, does he feel the same way about you?”

You shifted uncomfortably in your seat. The truth was, you didn’t know how to answer her. Your feelings for Jensen were both exhilarating and confusing, with a big ole side of scary as hell. You couldn’t imagine what his feelings may be for you, and immediately pushed the thoughts away whenever you asked yourself the same thing. The answer was too uncertain to face.

“I don’t know and that’s the truth. We have fun when we’re together, he calls me when we’re not. Texts me a lot… nice messages, cute selfies, leaves me voicemails. But, there’s been no declarations of love. Which, let me just say before you jump to assumptions, I am fine with. I like how things are. I’m just rolling with it for as long as it lasts.” You were half lying to yourself, and you were pretty sure she picked up on it.

“Do you want it to last?”

“Oh, look! We’re here,” you exclaimed, exaggerating your excitement to hopefully change the subject.

“Did you start watching the show yet?” she asked, ignoring your attempt to wrap it up.

You sighed and took a moment before responding. It wasn’t the first time she’d asked and certainly wouldn’t be the last time. “No. Not yet.”

“How come?”

“Because…”

“Because why?”

“I feel like I am in the Principal’s office here, will you stop?”

“I just want to know why you haven’t watched it yet. One, its damn good. Two, he’s your guy. Don’t you want to see him in action?”

“I did. The day I watched it in the hotel room, remember? Then again at the convention, it was everywhere.”

Jill pursed her lips and exhaled deeply. “That’s not the same thing and you know it. So, why not spare us both the long, drawn-out process of me painfully extracting an answer, and just tell me about the real, deep down rationalization you’ve convinced yourself of?”

“Fine. Because… it means that I’m invested. It means that I will have more imagery of him, hear his voice more than I already do. Then when it ends—”

“When it ends? I now repeat my earlier question… do you want it to last? Or are you just riding out a good time?”

You snorted a frustrated sigh and felt a bit of relief when the car came to a stop in front of his apartment building. “I don’t know,” you said quietly with your hand hovering over the door handle. “I don’t know yet.” Opening the door, you climbed out and walked around to get your bags from the trunk. Jill followed and didn’t bring it up again for the time being.

“All I want to do is go home and sleep,” Jensen groaned and rubbed a hand across his eyes and down his stubble. He laid his head against the headrest and settled into the seat. “This week cannot end soon enough.”

“Almost over, brother,” Jared tried to reassure him with a slap on the knee and without looking up from his phone.

“Thank God. You headed home this week?”

“Yeah, for a few days. You?”

“Nah. Might as well stay here. My folks are on vacation, Y/N’s off somewhere with Jill. Probably just going to find my sweatpants and Netflix some stuff.”

“How is Y/N? Things going alright?”

“Yeah, great. Why?”

Jared shrugged and finally tucked his phone away. “Curious. Don’t hear too much about her these days. Wondering if there was trouble in paradise.”

Jensen chuckled wearily. “No, no trouble, just been tough trying to get some time together. You know?”

Jared nodded sympathetically. “I do. But when Y'all are together, things are good, right?”

“Yeah man, I have zero complaints. Except that she lives two thousand miles away.”

“That’s a tough break, man. But you guys will figure it out. I mean, she seems pretty into you. God only knows why…”

Jensen was too tired to even glare at him properly and just shook his head before resting it against the window. “Wake me up when we’re home.”

A little while later, the car pulled up to the curb and Jared backhanded Jensen’s chest. “Wake up, Sleeping Beauty, we’re here.”

Groggily pulling himself from the car, Jensen and Jared went inside and rode the elevator up to his apartment on the top floor. As they approached the door, Jensen heard the music from inside. He stopped outside the door, his hand hovering over the knob.

“You hear that?” he asked, slowly turning to Jared. “Sounds like… Zeppelin.”

Jared frowned and shrugged, trying to hide the grin that wanted to spread out. “I dunno man, let’s check it out.”

Jensen narrowed his eyes at his best friend and realized that whatever was going on, Jared was one hundred percent apart of it. Thinking that his folks, or even his sister, had come for a surprise visit, he opened the door expecting to be bombarded with a barrage of affection and questions from a family member.

“Hello?” Jensen called out when he walked through the foyer and no one was there to greet him. “Mom? Dad?”

“Nope, sorry Cowboy, just me,” he heard from the staircase beside him. There, descending the stairs, tanned and gorgeous, wearing a long flowing yellow sundress covered in small green petals, was Y/N.

The unexpected sight of her gave him a rush of adrenaline that he would’ve previously denied existed. Feelings of exhaustion and hunger faded as he bolted towards her. She bounced down the last few steps and flung herself into his arms, laughing.

Jensen wrapped his arms around her, drawing in a deep breath of her skin, the familiar notes of her lotion tickling his nostrils and instantaneously causing him to want her.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, his face still buried in her neck. Slowly, he let her slide to the floor and held her at arm’s length so he could prove to himself she was really there.

“We were only going to the resort for a week, then I figured I’d surprise you. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Mind? Seriously? This is the best ever…” Jensen turned and pointed a finger at Jared, “and you knew, didn’t you?”

“I did,” he beamed, proud of himself for keeping the secret.

“I’m here too, by the way,” Jill’s voice called from the living room as she made her way towards the stairs.

“My favorite author in the whole wide world!” Jensen exclaimed and pulled her into a fierce embrace. Once he finally let her go, Jared extended a warm welcome and noticed the intense looks being passed between Y/N and his best friend.

“Jill whatcha say we give these crazy kids a few minutes, while you and I go through all Jay’s takeout menus, find the most expensive things to have delivered. Then charge it all to his accounts,” Jared offered his elbow out for her to take and she did so with a chuckle.

“Oh, Jared, you sure do know the way to this woman’s heart,” she cooed as they took their leave towards the living room.

Once they were gone, Jensen didn’t hesitate, he grabbed Y/N’s face gently, but kissed her ferociously. “Three weeks is way too long,” he whined between coming up for air and kissing her. “Way too fucking long.”

She draped her arms loosely on his shoulders and started doing that thing with her nails on the back of his neck, sending a course of goosebumps across his skin. He took advantage of the others out of sight and left her mouth, letting his lips find their way across her jaw and down to her neck. He wasn’t tired anymore, nor hungry. He just wanted to carry her upstairs and reenact the first night they had met in Lynchburg until the sun came up the next day.

“Whoa there,” she purred and lifted his head from the oral assault he was committing on her. “There are two other people in the next room that may not want to walk in on this.”

He growled lowly within his chest, then sighed. “You’re right. But its hard to control myself when I haven’t seen you in a while, then you show up looking like you do… what do you expect?”

“You can do whatever you want to me later. In fact, I’ll be here all week, so, you have plenty of time to do what you wish.”

“A week? Seriously?” his heart fluttered at the notion. They’d never spent that much time together in one shot, and he was suddenly thrilled and anxious at the thought. A week was a long time. A million worries wanted to trudge through his mind… would they get along, would she tire of his ridiculous schedule, would they grow tired of being together? He shook them off and just concentrated on the fact that she was right there in front of him, not just a voice on the other end of the line.

“I know you have to work, and I don’t want you to change anything because of me, but yeah, as long as you don’t mind, I planned on staying through the week.”

“Jill, too?”

“No, she flies home tomorrow night. Just a little layover to take a break in traveling. Plus, she’s never seen Vancouver, so, I figured I’d take her out tomorrow before heading to the airport.”

“Well, I’m glad she’s here, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t excited to have you to myself for the week.”

“Me too,” Y/N whispered, caressed his stubbled cheek, smiling softly before kissing him again. “Me too.”

Jill and Jared kept their word, and within the hour three different take-out restaurants delivered a ridiculous amount of food. Jokes were made how little Jensen kept in the house, so at least the two of you would have something to live off of for a couple days.

The four of you sat around for hours, chatting about your vacation, their days on set, your plans for sightseeing the next day, and of course, bouts of teasing any time Jensen showed you affection.

Jensen was sitting normally on the couch, and you were curled up against his side, his arm tucked firmly around your shoulders. You could feel his rhythmic breathing and the faint echo of his heart beating. He still felt as good to you as that first night you danced together.

Everyone was feeling the late hour and decided to turn in. Jared made up a place on the couch, Jill took to the guest room, and Jensen took your hand, leading you upstairs to his room.

He closed the door softly behind him and secured it with a lock. When he turned around, he started to approach you, slowly, his gaze drinking you in with each step closer. There was very little moonlight seeping through the window, only enough to highlight the slope of his nose and the moisture of his lips.

When he was close enough, he casually moved the strap of your sundress to fall down your arm; then did the same on the other side. The top fell and exposed your breasts to the cool air. His eyes were locked with yours, as he helped the dress fall to the floor, leaving you there only in your panties.

He lifted you up, so your legs wrapped around his waist and his face was eye level with your chest, but he didn’t yet touch you there. His eyes never left yours. Laying you down gently on the bed, he held your gaze and removed the panties, before quietly removing his own clothes. Once he was free of them, he lifted your leg up in the air and left a kiss on the inner part of your ankle. The slow, methodical way he worked his way up your calf, then to your thigh as he hovered over you, was driving you seven different kinds of crazy. The fact that he purposely bypassed your most sensitive spots, further incited your ache for him.

“Jensen, please…” you quietly pleaded with him and ran your fingers through his hair, gripping his head and guiding it up to yours.

“Shhhh. I’m finding my way around again, its been a while,” he whispered roughly and left a soft kiss on your lips.

He ran his hands up the length of your body, to your arms, and with one hand pinned them over your head. His free hand reached between your thighs and slowly began to slip into the depths of your sex, first brushing against your clit, then plunging up into you.

You inhaled sharply, and your body responded to him immediately. He pressed more of his weight on top of you as his fingers expertly worked their way around until your orgasm hit, quickly and with an explosive rush. He released your hands and you dug into his shoulders, muffling the scream under your breath and stayed that way until your body stopped shaking.

Jensen brushed his nose softly against your cheek and his lips against your ear. “Come here,” he commanded softly, and helped you sit up on the bed, “I wanna watch you.”

He pulled the down the covers, leaned back against the pillows and guided you to straddle his lap. Taking control of your hips, he positioned you over his cock but moved you up and down along the shaft slowly at first. The sensation it triggered against your overstimulated clit was maddening, but you didn’t want him to stop. His eyes were on you so intensely you thought he’d make you cum again just by his gaze

When he couldn’t seem to stand it anymore, he slipped up into you. He watched you leisurely grind against him, fighting the urge you had to move faster. Jensen was completely controlling you, his need for it was written all over his face. After a few moments, he reached up behind you, grabbed a fist full of hair and pushed your forehead to his.

“Fuuck,” he growled lowly and dug his fingers into your hair and hip deeper, forcing you to grind into him harder. His control was wavering, and with every thrust upward, he moaned deeper, your name fell from his lips in mere breaths. Jensen’s eyes squeezed shut and before he could pull out or force you up and off of him, he came inside you.

There was a slight panic at what that could mean, but it passed faster than it had manifested. As Jensen wrapped his arms around you and rested his head against your breasts, you ran your nails through his hair and just caught your breath. In that moment, nothing mattered but being there with him.

You climbed off him, pulled the covers up and lay beside him on the bed. He nestled into his pillow, sleep creeping into his expression. “I missed you,” he rasped and pulled you into him. “I’m really glad you’re here.” He kissed the top of your head, and you felt him finally give in to the exhaustion.

Morning broke earlier than he would have liked, but regardless, Jensen got up and dressed as quietly as possible. He stood there, watching her sleep for a moment, and longed to just crawl back into bed beside her. She rolled over, now facing his empty side of the bed. He watched long enough to see her reach out for where he should be. Even in slumber, she realized he wasn’t there, but smiled as she wrapped her arms around his pillow.

He thought back to the night before, and how different that time had felt. The sex had been great as usual, but there was a lot more to what happened. He loved watching her, especially when they had sex, but not only then. He’d watch her read a book, drink coffee, even watch a movie. Everything she did was intoxicating to him. As he continued dressing, Jensen paused while fixing the collar of his white Oxford shirt when he was struck with a realization and slight feeling of nauseous panic.

Oh shit, he thought as he gazed down at her, I’m in love with this girl.

Y/N groaned softly as she rolled back the other way and moved an arm to rest above her head. She stretched out her neck to the side, and Jensen smiled wistfully. It was his favorite part of her body to kiss, because every time he did, she made the tiniest little gasp that drove him wild.

There were so many little things like that he found he loved about her… Yes, he told himself, more assuredly this time, love. You LOVE her, dummy. Now, he just had to find a way to tell her and pray that she felt the same way.

He finished getting dressed and carefully climbed back on the bed, so as not to disturb her. Leaving a soft kiss on her shoulder, he quietly left the room and headed downstairs.

A note from Jared said that he was up earlier and went home to shower then head to set. Jensen noticed coffee was already made and he heard the balcony door closing gently from the other room. Jill came in, steaming mug in hand and wrapped up in the throw blanket from the couch.

“Morning,” she smiled and raised her cup. “Sleep well?”

“Fantastic. You? Room comfy?”

“Incredibly, thank you. Hope you don’t mind, I got the coffee going and went out to watch the sunrise. It’s really beautiful here.”

“Don’t mind at all. How is it?” he asked and nodded towards the cup.

“Oh, this is hot chocolate. I hate coffee. But I made it for Jared before and knew you and Y/N would want some.”

Jensen laughed a grabbed a to-go cup from the cabinet. “You are hands down the best houseguest, ever.”

“I try,” she said and sipped at her cocoa while watching Jensen move about the kitchen. He could feel her watching him and gave her a curious glance from the corner of his eye.

“So, what’s Y/N got you doing today?” he asked as he fixed his coffee.

“Who knows, she’s rattled off so many places she wants to drag me too. Then we have to be at the airport around five.”

“Shame you can’t stay longer. Last night was a lot of fun. Maybe Y/N and I can take a trip down to visit you soon. I’d love to meet your husband, I’ve heard a lot about him from Y/N. She says he’s the big brother she never had. Dying to finally meet the guy,” he smirked and secured the lid to his mug.

“Oh, honey, no,” Jill laughed, shook her head and patted his arm. “You’re adorable. No, see, you’re more than welcome to visit when he’s out of town or on a run with the Club, but, we don’t bring the good time home to meet Filip, only serious investors.”

Jensen chuckled unsurely, “What does that mean?”

“Just that, Y/N is family… not just my best friend. My husband looks to her as a little sister and is fiercely protective of anyone he considers family. Fiercely protective. Family is everything to him. So, we have found that its best if he doesn’t meet everyone who comes into her life until we’re sure he’s sticking around.”

“Oh,” he said, slightly taken aback at her proclamation. “Just curious, has Filip met a lot of, uh, serious investors?” Jensen was fidgeting with his cup which didn’t go unnoticed by Jill.

“Only two. He disapproved of both. I’m not saying that he’s got the power of persuasion over Y/N, where he would tell her to dump someone. Buuut, let’s just say he’s an immaculate judge of character and his instincts are primally on point.”

His expression was wary, but also thoughtful. When he didn’t respond, she worried that maybe she gave him the wrong impression. “I just mean that you guys are having fun, it's not serious or anything, right? You see each other when you can. Hell, maybe even see other people between—”

“No, there’s no one else,” he said firmly.

“Good to know,” she said and smiled with mild relief. “All I am saying is, you’re having a good time for now. Until you know what it is—”

“I’m in love with her, Jill,” he interjected abruptly, as if he didn’t say it out loud then, he wouldn’t be able too. “I’m in love with her and it's definitely just not a good time. It’s so much more than that.”

“Then you need to tell her. Show her, make sure she hears you. I love that girl but she’s a tough sonofabitch to get through to sometimes. She gets caught up in her own head and gets lost in there sometimes. So, you may have to repeat it before she believes you.”

Jensen smiled, the soft crinkles forming around his eyes. He gave her a slight nod and replied, “Yes ma’am.”

“I want to like you, Jensen. You seem like a genuinely good person, and I know she really enjoys being with you. It's been years since I’ve seen her like this and I so want this to work out. And I’m sure you will get to meet Filip one day. One way or another. Let’s just hope it’s the friendly kind of visit.”

Jill smiled at him sweetly before finishing her cocoa. She placed the mug in the sink and turned back towards Jensen. He seemed mildly panicked, but when you held out your arms for an embrace, he placed his mug on the counter and returned it happily.

“Now, I am going to go shower so as soon as that woman of yours wakes up, we can go get breakfast. Thanks for having me, you have a great place here. Would definitely love to come and visit again sometime.”

“Thanks, uh, for the chat—” his phone vibrated in his pocket and when he retrieved it, he scowled and shoved it back into his pocket. “That’s my ride. I gotta run, but I want you to know, I heard you. Loud and clear. Have a safe flight home, and I promise you, she’s in good hands with me.”

“Oh, I bet she is,” Jill laughed, shaking her head as she walked turned towards the spare room. “See ya sometime soon and have a good day on set.”

Jensen glanced upstairs at the door to his room. As he grabbed his coat off the hook and double checked for his wallet and keys, he thought about her still wrapped up in his sheets and how they’d be rich with her scent now. Knowing that when he got home, he could lay down on them and she would be right there, pulled at the place in his heart he’d kept reserved and closed off for so long. It scared the shit out of him, but since he’d met her, he knew it was time to open it again.

Exploring with Vancouver with Jill was both fun and exhausting. Returning once to the apartment to rest for a few and gather her things, within a couple hours you were back out on the curb hailing a cab to take you both to the airport.

“You don’t have to come. I can get there and get on the plane, no reason you should leave and have to come all the way back.”

“It’s fine. I want to go with you. Jensen won’t be home for a few more hours at least and I don’t want to sit up there all by myself.”

“Alright, but I still say you’re a glutton for punishment,” she teased and handed the cab driver her bags for the trunk.

On the way, you chatted casually and again thanked her for the resort trip. It was rare that you got to spend this quality time with her, and suddenly found yourself anxious that it was ending regardless that it meant you’d be alone with Jensen for the whole week.

“What’s up with you?” she asked, able to read your expression easily.

“Would you laugh if I told you I was nervous?”

“About what?”

“Being alone with him… for a week. Last night, that got intense—”

“Bup bup,” she interrupted and held up her hand. “I’ve heard plenty of sexcapade stories from you about him in the last six months, I don’t need another right now.”

You rolled your eyes and continued, ignoring her teasing grin, “—he got intense. He was just… different and I can’t tell why. I don’t know. I’m being stupid.”

“You’re not. You’re stressing and overthinking, but you’re not being stupid. Look, don’t get inside your head too much, ok? He likes you, he wants you here, he was excited you showed up. By the end of the week, I’m sure you’ll be so at ease with each other, he won’t want you to leave.”

“I just wish you could stay longer,” you pouted.

“Me too, but I miss my old man and I honestly can’t watch you make out with Jensen anymore. It's gross. You should know that.”

“You forget I’ve watched you and Filip for all these years. Girl, I’ve seen things…. Things these eyes will never recover from thanks to you two. So, don’t give me shit.”

With that, the cab pulled up to the drop-off zone and popped the trunk. After exiting the cab, she told him to wait and told you to go back to Jensen’s.

“I got it from here. Go back, enjoy time with him and just have fun. Ok? Text me if you need me, but do not call for at least two days. I plan on doing very dirty things to Filip when I get home and unless the house catches fire, don’t plan on engaging with anyone else.”

You laughed and pulled her into a tight embrace. “Got it. Travel safe.”

“I’ll let you know when I get home though, and seriously, just relax and have fun!”

Jill grabbed her luggage and headed towards the terminal, pausing only once to turn and wave goodbye.

In the days after Jill left, things took a weird turn between you and Jensen. He wasn’t distant, exactly, but he didn’t have much in him by the time he got home at the end of the day. Which was something you understood completely given the schedule he’d been keeping. You began to worry that his lifestyle wasn’t something you could keep up with.

The conversations you had with Jill echoed loudly in your head, and you kept asking yourself all the questions she had… what was it you wanted from this, where was it going, was it serious, would it last… ?

Several days after saying goodbye to Jill, you were lying in bed trying to read with Jensen snoring softly beside you. The book was open on your lap, but you were blankly staring ahead reliving the day you’d had and trying not to be overly emotional about a whole lot of nothing.

Work had been especially grinding trying to wrap early so he could take a long weekend to spend time with you. He had fifteen-hour days on set, and each night came home completely exhausted, barely able to finish a meal and shower before he fell asleep.

Each morning he left a small note on the coffee pot, which was always brewed and waiting for you when you came downstairs. Passing the time, you went to see a movie, tidied up around the apartment, and finally cleaned out all the leftovers before heading to the market to fill the house with all his favorites.

The ones you knew of, anyway.

Browsing the aisles of the store, you were struck with the realization that there was so much you didn’t know about him. Most of the time you had together, was spent on the go, so that meant a lot of restaurants, take out or room service. Only once did you get to cook for him and that was on a layover he spent at your place a couple weeks after the convention.

You tried to brush it off, but the thought spiraled into more of the same ilk, and it left you feeling slightly spun out, unsure about why you were even trying so hard when it would probably never last. Walking through the produce section, you chose a few types of each before doing the same thing with everything else. By the time you finally reached the check out with a cart full of groceries, you were near tears with doubt.

What is wrong with you? You asked yourself as you sat there, taking in deep breaths of air. You’re panicking… why?

The inner banter you had with your anxious self, went on that way for a while… what about food allergies? Does he have any? What if he hates mushrooms or peppers? What if he can’t eat eggs? Then you’d immediately berate yourself for questioning everything… You’ve seen him eat eggs, you idiot. You’ve seen him eat just about everything…

It took all your strength to make both sides shut up so you could proceed with getting the haul home. Bringing it all up to the apartment was a task, too, and by the time it was all put away, you were mentally exhausted and feeling completely out of whack.

The sound of his key in the door prompted you to quickly swipe any leftover tears from your eyes and busied yourself in the kitchen.

“Hey,” he smiled wearily and hung his keys on the hook. “How was your day?”

Your back was still facing him, but you could feel his eyes on you. “It was good.”

“Just good?”

“Yeah, you know, uneventful,” you half lied and tried to compose yourself before turning around to greet him properly.

The moment you locked eyes with him, you saw he recognized that you weren’t alright. Jensen gingerly took your hand, cast his eyes down as he played with your fingers.

“You wanna talk about it or continue to feed me bullshit?” He looked up, exhaustion set into his features, and the last thing you wanted to do was add to it.

“I—I’m fine, Jay, honest. Let me make you some dinner while you relax. Looks like it was a long day.”

You noticed how intensely he was scrutinizing your face and did your best to hold up to the silent interrogation. “Alright,” he said and brought your hand to his lips. “If you say so. But, if you change your mind and wanna talk about whatever’s bothering you, I’m right here.”

“I know,” you replied, forcing a smile, “I’m fine. Go rest. Dinner should be up soon.”

His brow furrowed as you shewed him from the kitchen, but he did as you asked.

Sometime later, when you went out to tell him that it was ready, you found him fast asleep on the couch. Despite everything, you’d felt that day and all the doubts you had, you were still happy to be there with him. Even though your mind was still muddled with tons of self-doubt and worry where the relationship was headed, an overwhelming rush of love crashed into you.

Dammit, you thought as you gazed down at him sleeping peacefully, I’m falling in love with him and that’s the last thing I wanted.

You gently shook him awake and convinced him to go upstairs to go to bed. He was out almost instantly, but now you were laying beside him back to where you were before. The inner palaver was firing up again, so you grabbed your book to try and stave it off, but even the words of your favorite author couldn’t stop the internal argument brewing.

Everything that you felt for him, versus everything you felt you were not, battled it out until you were as mentally exhausted as Jensen had been physically spent. You finally gave up on reading, put the book on the table and slunk down into the bed. As your eyes closed, your mind let one more thought linger before finally shutting down… Maybe this visit was too long… maybe it really isn’t meant to last.

Jensen wasn’t an idiot. He could tell she was upset the minute he got home and walked into the kitchen. Her shoulders were slumped, the curve of her spine more pronounced because of it. There was something in her voice, too. Something that dampened the natural radiance he usually heard in it.

She was faking her mood and he didn’t know why. He asked if everything was alright, but her answer felt forced and false. Knowing her the way he did, he knew it had to be more than just the rigidness of his schedule. Whenever it had come up in the previous days, she was sincerely fine with it and he really believed that. He lied for a living after all, and he could spot a liar a hundred miles away. Y/N wasn’t a liar.

That’s how he knew, he had to get to the bottom of this because it wasn’t like her to lie or be this upset and try to hide it.

Y/N ushered him away from the kitchen while she got dinner going, so Jensen took respite on the couch. He flicked on the television and grabbed the phone from his pocket. Realizing the time, he didn’t want to chance to call her, so he brought Jill’s contact info up and messaged her instead.

Hey, how’s my favorite author doing?

It only took about a minute for her to respond.

Sleeping. She was sleeping.

Sorry about that. Can I pick your brain for a minute?

Sure. What’s up?

Y/N’s upset and won’t say why.

Crying?

Not anymore. She was before I got home I think. Fake smile, too.

Did you tell her yet? You didn’t, did you?

I’m waiting for the right time.

Men… you’re an idiot. Tell her. Now.

Not like that. I don’t want to say it to fix something. I wanna tell her in a special way. Tell me what Willow Bainbridge would do.

I have no words for you right now…

I know, I’m an ass.

Won’t deny that. Just tell her how you feel, dummy. She’s probably stuck in her own head just doubting everything. Doesn’t need to be elaborate. Make it special, sure. But doesn’t have to be a big spectacle. You know?

Jensen sighed. He knew she was right, but he wanted it to be. He wanted to show Y/N just how much he felt for her, but he didn’t know how. She stepped up at the convention in a big way, he just wanted to match it; do something that really proved to her that he loved her.

You’re the expert here, I’ll follow your lead.

Smart boy. Take care of her, ok?

Btw, Filip says hello and not to make her cry anymore. Niighhtt!

Shaking his head, he tucked the phone away, laid his head back on the couch and closed his eyes. He must have started dozing off, because the next thing he knew, Y/N was gingerly rubbing his arm and calling his name.

“Jensen…” her voice was soft and sweet despite whatever that was before. “Baby, wake up, let’s go upstairs. You need to get some real sleep.”

He woke enough to hear her and smile when she called him baby. He liked that, a lot. She helped guide him up the stairs and into bed, removing his jeans and shirt and putting them to the side. Jensen fell into bed and wanted to wrap himself up in her, but before she could even climb in beside him, he was fast asleep.

You woke the next morning, and as usual, Jensen was gone. You pulled yourself up and out of bed put on your robe and headed down to the kitchen. The coffee pot was on and his note stuck to the cup beside it.

Fix your cup and go out to the balcony.

You did as the note commanded and froze in place once you realized he was still home and waiting for you out there.

“Well, hey stranger,” you said as you came through the balcony door. “Running late or playing hooky?”

He kissed your cheek, letting his lips linger there softly. “Both.”

The corner of your mouth twitched into a curious smile. “Both?”

“Yes, ma’am. I am playing hooky. All the way through Sunday. But, we are also running late.”

“We?”

“You sure ask a lot of questions,” he teased, his eyes were gazing upon you softly. “I have some plans for us today, and they require us to be leaving very soon. Was just about to come up and wake you.”

“I can be ready in less than an hour, is that ok?”

“Perfect.”

You took your cup upstairs and went about taking a shower to get ready for a day out with Jensen. In record time, you were showered, dressed, downstairs and ready to go. Though you were still feeling a little off from the day before, your spirit had lifted a bit and you felt a little less anxious. No matter what the day had in store, you were going to just try and enjoy the time you had with him.

The day started out with breakfast at a small café he loved, then a trip to the Vancouver Aquarium where he arranged for you to go and feed the penguins. You walked hand in hand with him all day, admiring all the creatures there and found yourself laughing a lot. He was stopped only a few times by fans, and you watched as he treated them all with nothing but kindness and appreciation.

You didn’t think it was anything you could get used to but seeing him interact with them only reinforced what you already knew. This was his life, and he was so, very good at what he did. Being with him, really being with him meant that your perfect days would be interrupted, plans would get canceled and time would sometimes be short.

Just as you were exiting the aquarium, a little boy about ten years old and his mom were walking in. Despite his baseball cap, the boy noticed Jensen and you both heard him scream, “Mom! It’s Dean!”

Jensen immediately went over to him, gave him a high five, and knelt to talk to him. You watched how the little boy’s mom watched them, her face just beaming with happiness. She turned to you, her hand over her heart, “Your husband is absolutely wonderful to do this. My son loves Dean so much, the show too, crazy how they can get so much out of it at this age, isn’t it?”

All you could do is simply nod. The emotion caught up in your throat and rendered you speechless. Their interaction was brief, but it impacted you in a way you didn’t see coming. You suddenly felt remorseful for not having watched the show, for not engaging him more with his career, and the other projects he’s been a part of. You’d become so afraid of falling in love with him, that you purposely ignored the biggest part of his life. No wonder he may want to let you go…

This character he played, that seemed to touch so many people, was a mystery to you and it made you feel terribly guilty. When he said goodbye and came back to you, it was hard to look him in the eye.

From there, you walked around Gastown to explore some shops and galleries. He did most of the talking, pointing out things of interest and sharing his exceptional knowledge of the city’s history. You tried to follow along and listen to everything, but the earlier encounter had brought back the familiar feeling of the day before. You just didn’t feel like you were good enough to be with him.

Though you enjoyed the day, there was something that just felt wrong, and you knew it was because you were letting your fears take over.

Jensen suggested getting dinner and hailed a cab to take you to a restaurant called Chambar. He told the driver where to go and settled into the seat beside you.

“You’ve been quiet. You alright?”

“Yeah, just taking in the day.”

“Sure? If something’s on your mind…” he shrugged slightly and wrapped his hand around your knee, “I want you to know you can talk to me.”

You should have said more, but at that moment all you could muster was, “I know.” You hooked your arm around his elbow, rested your head on his shoulder and rode in silence to the restaurant.

Jensen must have called ahead because you were sat right away at a large corner booth in the back of the restaurant. As you walked towards the table, it struck you how similar the place looked to the restaurant in Lynchburg. You slid into the rounded booth, and Jensen followed, leaving very little distance between you.

The hostess placed down menus and left with a smile. The waitress arrived shortly after and took care of the drinks and appetizers, leaving you with your menus a while longer. Once you decided what you wanted to have, you really began to look around the place and enjoyed how familiar it felt.

“This place really looks—”

“Just like Lynchburg, right?” he said, his smile encapsulating his entire face. “It’s why I wanted to come here.”

“It's beautiful, and the food smells great,” you said, trying to make small talk but you could see something more serious brewing behind his eyes.

The drinks were dropped off, and after he sampled his bourbon, he finally broached the subject that he had been mulling over. “I know that these past couple days have been crappy, and you’ve had a lot on your mind. But, there’s a weird thing going on here. I don’t know what it is, but I know that I’m not crazy about it.”

You felt your heart start to sink. Had you read the day completely wrong? Was this really it? The final nail in a coffin signifying the end you were so scared of?

“Wh—What do you mean?”

“Just that, you’ve been quiet, not really yourself. You don’t want to talk about it, and I can’t force you, but I also don’t want you to be unhappy.”

You swallowed a good portion of your Jack and Coke, hoping the bite of the whiskey would help quell the panic rising, to go back down. “I’m not, unhappy, Jensen.”

“Then what is it?” he asked, the lines of his forehead creasing with worry. “Because you’ve definitely not been happy. You were crying last night before I got home and hid it. Why?”

You inhaled sharply, taken aback by his accusation. He wasn’t wrong, but you thought you’d covered that so well. He seemed frustrated by it though, and you immediately assumed this was the beginning of the end. You felt instantly defensive. This wasn’t how this was supposed to be. This is how things were with the other people that had been in your life. But not Jensen, he was supposed to be different…

“Look, if you want to end things—”

Jensen was suddenly panicked. “What? No!”

“It’s ok, I mean, I never expected it to last forever,” you mumbled through a buildup of thick emotion. You could feel yourself starting to spiral. “I don’t know if I will ever be comfortable with the public side of your life, I know I don’t watch the show, and you must feel like I don’t support you—"

He took your hands tightly in his and slid you closer to him on the bench. “Y/N. Stop. Just shut up for a minute. When I first met you, we had the most amazing, best night of my life. The next day, you didn’t want to hear me out. When there’s no communication, things get messy. You ran away, and we missed out on a month together. I’m asking you now to listen to me. Alright? Just really listen.”

You drew in a shaky breath and nodded. “You’re right, I’m sorry,” you rasped.

“Good. Last thing I want is for anything to end. I realized something the other day and I’ve been waiting, looking for the perfect moment to tell you. Work has been crazy, and I didn’t want it to be said in passing or off hand. And with how quiet you’ve been, I didn’t want to say it solely try and make you feel better. I need you to know I’m sincere. Maybe I should’ve just said it right then, but when it comes to you, I’m not always thinking straight. I wanted to be in a special place, look you in the eye and be able to tell you.”

“Tell me what?”

“That I am crazy, head over heels in love with you.”

The words spilled from his lips all in one breath as he sat there, anxiously awaiting your response. He squeezed your hands, as his tongue darted nervously out across his bottom lip. “Honestly, just saying it, it’s not enough, because I don’t just want to be in love with you, Y/N. I want you to be with me, forever. I don’t want you to go home. I want you to stay here in Vancouver. I know that changes everything for you, and it’s a big step, but I know that we are good together. I am the best I’ve ever been, in these last six months. That’s because of you. I may be tired when I get home, and there’s not always a whole lot of me left then. But what is left, I want to give to you. I have loved coming home this week, knowing you were there and I’m sorry if I haven’t made that abundantly clear.”

You swallowed thickly and could feel your chest rising and falling, but the air expelling was thin at best. Your bottom lip was shaking with so many things you wanted to say back, but the look in his eyes was enough to render you silent. Slowly, you withdrew your hands from his and ran them nervously through your hair. It was then you were struck by how funny it all was.

“This whole week, I’ve been petrified that you were tired of me and that I shouldn’t have surprised you. I was so scared that you were just being kind, tolerating me being there. I went shopping for you and panicked. Bought everything under the sun because I didn’t remember what you liked.”

“Is that why there’s like, ten boxes of different pastas in the pantry?” he asked, a vague smirk touching his lips.

You nodded and wiped the stray tear that started falling. “I realized how little I thought I knew about you. Then, it spiraled… maybe it was too much, I was too much. That I wasn’t what you’d need or want in any concept of forever. So, I tried to step back a little bit emotionally; detach myself from you so when it did end, I wouldn’t get too hurt. Problem was, I couldn’t.”

“Why?”

“Because I had already fallen in love with you but was really scared to admit it to myself.”

His expression changed. Gone were the lines of worry across his brow, the crinkles formed at the corners of his eyes as his perfect lips curled into a smile. “You love me, huh?” he teased.

“Yeeaah,” you said shakily, drawing out the word as you leaned in closer. “Against my better judgment, I do.”

Jensen’s hand lovingly caressed your check and guided your mouth to meet his. Reminiscent of your first kiss in the elevator, it was slow and sweet; tiny flashes of energy sparking every time your lips came together. It was the first real kiss you had shared with him in a few days and it felt long overdue.

He pulled back but kept his eyes locked with yours. He appeared like he wanted to say something more, but hesitated. You didn’t want to pressure him, so you let him work it out on his own. He reached down into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone, laying it face down on the table.

“I have something I need to ask you…”

Jensen knew it was now or never. She loved him, that was all he needed to be sure and brave. The small piece of jewelry felt heavy in his hands. He’d gone over this a million times in the last two days and was still unsure of what he wanted to say. Since the day that Jill left, he’d been trying to find the right words to ask Y/N, but nothing felt just right. The only thing that did, is him finally coming to realize he wanted to be with her forever.

He stopped and bought the ring the next day. Why wait? He knew he loved her and always wanted to be with her. He didn’t tell a single soul, though. Not even Jared. He was afraid someone would try and talk him out of it, and right now, getting Y/N to marry him was the only thing in the world he really wanted.

Jensen took a deep breath and leap that he never thought would come.

“I have something I need to ask you… Nothing about us has been conventional. I know that I’m in love with you, and I want to spend my life with you. Whether that forever is here in Vancouver, in Austin, or in Timbuctoo… I don’t care, Y/N. All that matters to me, is that I found my perfect girl and I’m tired of waiting for forever to start.”

Jensen unfurled his fingers to reveal the petite silver ring garnished with a three-carat opal cut diamond in his palm. He picked up and held it towards her. “Marry me.”

There was no wavering or uncertainty in his voice. He knew what he wanted, and he was determined to get it. Her expression morphed from adoration to shock in the course of two words. Her eyes grew large and her mouth fell slack.

“M—Marry you?” The way she said it made his stomach drop. Maybe it was too soon, he thought and fought down the internal panic. Then he really looked in her eyes and noticed her own panic.

“I know my life isn’t exactly normal. Sometimes it's overwhelming and exhausting. But, its part of who I am, and I don’t want to give it up. That being said, I am not going to expect you to take part if you can’t. If you’re worried—”

“Will you shut up?” she interjected, tears forming in the corner of her eyes. “Just shut up, Jay, and put the ring on my finger.”

Jensen expelled a rush of anxious air and slipped the ring onto her finger. “So, that’s a yes?”

She admired it for a moment, then took his cheeks into her hands and kissed him deeply despite being in a very crowded restaurant. When the kiss cooled down, she smiled, just like she did that night in Lynchburg when they were out on the patio and agreed to go upstairs with him.

“Yes,” her bright eyes sparkled with a thousand new promises. “I will marry you… anytime, anywhere.”

Jensen felt overwhelmed, happy, scared and relieved. But as he sat with his now fiancé, as she leaned into him, watching her ring dance in the ambient lighting of the room, he knew that he did the right thing. She was the one. The one he was fated to meet and found again in the most unlikely of places. Now, she’d be with him forever.

Six Months Later…

The Autumn air was unnaturally warm for October in Tennessee, not that you minded. It made having an outdoor wedding more bearable. The barn was all decked out in various flower arrangements and soft lighting, tables set up both inside and out, depending on how the weather was going to cooperate. The sun was about two hours from setting, and you knew you’d have an amazing sunset for the big day. Sunsets in this part of the world never ceased to disappoint.

Jill was fidgeting with the bottom of your dress, while Filip watched from the corner of the room. He had his arms crossed over his chest, one boot kicked over the other.

“Why you makin’ me stay in here for lass, I’ll be on me best behavior out there. I just wanna talk to the boy, shite.”

“You, sit,” Jill commanded her husband, to which he woefully obeyed but not without a rueful glance. “You will not scare him off thirty minutes before they’re supposed to get married.

“Pffft,” Filip said and waved her off. “I ain’t gonna do nothin’, love. Cross me heart.”

“You heard the woman, you best stay,” you teased and adjusted a rogue strand of hair. “Instead, tell me if I look alright. Don’t wanna look a mess walking out there.”

Filip got up, walked over to you and Jill, and draped his arm across her shoulders while giving you a firm once over. A soft smile fell to his face, causing the infamous dimples to appear. “Absolutely beautiful. I mean, no one could touch this one’s beauty on the day we said ‘I do’, but you’re a damn close second sweetheart.”

“Dayum Filip, even after all these years, you still know how to get your old lady to smile,” you teased once you saw Jill’s face blush.

“It’s a gift,” he whispered with a wink. “Now, ladies, I am gonna take me leave of ya, ‘n go find the bar. Maybe I’ll run into this groom of yours. We need to be havin’ a quick chat anyway.”

“Filip!” you warned, “Don’t you be mean!”

“Me? Come on now, you know me better than that…”

“Best behavior old man,” Jill warned and narrowed her eyes at him. Filip sauntered out of the room and flipped out the tails of his suit jacket as he walked out the door. “Boy he’s got a flair for the dramatic,” she mumbled after he left.

Standing up from fixing one more spot on the hem, she stepped back and took a long look at you. “Alright, I think you are ready to go.” Her face beamed, and you turned to take one more look at yourself in the mirror.

“Is this really going to happen today? How the Hell did I get here?” you asked, more to your reflection than to Jill. But she nonetheless stood behind you and spoke to both of your reflections. “This time last year I was newly single and planning a vacation… now…”

“Now you are marrying a really great guy who loves you like crazy and has the world’s coolest job. It’s going to be beautiful and you two are going to have the best, craziest sort of life together.”

“You think?”

“I know.”

Jill squeezed your shoulders and smiled again through the reflection. “Come on, let’s go get you married.”

Outside, Jensen paced nervously while trying to listen to the calming words of his brother and father about the wonders of marriage. Jared stood off to the side relishing in watching how anxious his best friend was getting. After a few minutes, he found a way to get Jensen alone, if for no other reason than to give the man a moment to breathe.

“You alright?” Jared asked, picking a piece of lint from Jensen’s tux.

“If you count wanting to puke as alright, sure. I’m dandy.”

“Wanna call it off?” Jared asked sarcastically, earning a look of death from Jensen.

“What do you think?”

“Alright, then chill. It’s going to be fine. You’ll get up there, she’ll get up there, Y’all will be married and then… we’ll drink and party. Right?”

“Yeah, man. Thanks. You sure you’re good to do this?”

Jared pulled the index cards from his jacket and nodded. “I am so ready to do this. I’m honored you’d even ask me.”

“No one else in the world I’d want to have been a part of this,” Jensen clapped Jared’s shoulder and brought him into a hug.

Approaching from behind, Filip cleared his throat. “Excuse me, boys, may I have a moment with the groom?”

Jared and Jensen passed a nervous look. Jensen’s mouth frowned and he nodded, his way of telling Jared it was ok to go on ahead. “I’ll meet you up there.”

Once Jared was gone Filip got a little closer and looked out over the area set up for the wedding.

“Gorgeous, huh?” Filip asked gesturing towards it. “Really pretty place you choose here.”

“Yeah, it’s beautiful.”

Filip maintained his silence for a moment. Surveying the farm before him, he turned slowly and caught Jensen’s gaze. “So’s she, ya know. Me little sis down there. Not just her face I mean. She’s a good one.”

“I know. Trust me.”

“She best stay that way.”

“She will as long as she’s with me,” Jensen said assuredly, though resisted the urge to add “sir,” and glanced at Filip from the corner of his eye.

“Y/N ever tell ya ‘bout the time she brought this one lad ‘round the house?” Filip asked, ignoring Jensen’s comment. “He was a lazy shite, didn’t like him at all. Walked in on ‘em fightin’ once, poor fella.”

“Poor fella?” Jensen asked with an edgy grin. “What, uh, happened to him?”

Filip was quiet for a moment longer than was comfortable for Jensen. A wicked smile unfurled on his lips, enhancing the Glasgow smile etched into his face. “Let’s hope you never have to find out, aye?”

The older man in the dapper gray suit chuckled darkly and smacked Jensen on the back. “Sun’s getting low boyo, best be getting the bride ready for a walk down the aisle to ya.”

He turned and sauntered back down the hill towards where Y/N would be getting ready. Jensen took a moment to compose himself and found the whole thing slightly humorous. Y/N was like no one he’d ever known. Even her closest family and friends were characters, and even though they may be slightly frightening, he was looking forward to the day they called him family, too.

The music started playing, and Jill appeared at the end of the aisle wearing an off the shoulder, plum colored dress. As the Maid of Honor, she walked slowly, smiling at the smattering of guests. Keeping it to close friends and family, there were less than fifty people in attendance, which provided a wonderfully intimate setting. When she arrived at the end, everyone stood up and reacted to seeing Y/N standing there on Filip’s arm.

Jensen’s breath stopped. He tried to swallow the swell of emotion that build up, but his throat had gone completely dry. She was breathtaking. He didn’t notice the details of her dress, or exactly how she had her hair done. All he could see were how her eyes were locked with his, and twinkled with the future that waited for him there.

Traveling, holidays, quiet nights… kids. All of it. Everything he’d wanted with a girl that was meant to be his.

She arrived at the altar, and Jared cleared his throat. Standing in as the Officiant of the Ceremony, he asked who gave this woman to this man.

Filip cleared his throat, and cast a look over to Jill, who warned with her eyes that he’s to answer and move on; no shenanigans.

“I do,” he replied and clapped Jensen on the shoulder and grinned, “I give her, happily.”

Once Filip was sat in the front row, Jared continued on with the ceremony.

“When Jensen first told me about meeting Y/N, he said that she was the kind of girl that made you question your future. He thought of her as his Cinderella. The perfect girl who got away, never to be seen again. But she proved him wrong. That’s when I knew I approved. Anyone that can prove this man wrong, is a superstar in my book.”

Jared raised his brows in jest and Jensen sighed loudly, hanging his head in mock shame. A ripple of laughs worked its way through the guests, and once it was quiet again, Jared placed a hand on both Jensen’s and Y/N’s shoulders.

“In all seriousness, you two have found an amazing connection of love that most people only dream of. I am honored to be a small part of this and cannot wait to watch you both grow in love from now until the end of days. Thankfully, you’ve written your own vows, so I will now shut up and let you have at it.”

Jensen may have been comfortable on con stages, in front of cameras and even behind them, but right then, his nerves were maxed out. Before him, stood not only the most beautiful woman he’d ever known but the only one who had ever made him feel complete. He didn’t remember what life was like before knowing her, and he never wanted to again. Now, he finally had her right where he wanted her and planned on telling her just how much he was going to love her for the rest of his life.

He drew in a deep breath and began…

Part 4: Best. Christmas. Ever. (Christmas Fic)

#spngenrebingo #jensen ackles x you #jensen ackles x reader #jensen ackles x reader insert #jensen ackles rpf

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littlewolfie21 · 5 years

Text

Week Before Christmas

Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Pitchmas @lion-cheshire!! I’m your not so secret Santa anymore. :-) I hope you are enjoying happy and peaceful holidays and I hope you will enjoy your gift too. :-) P.S. - Deep apologies for all possible grammar mistakes, english is not my native language. :-)

TUESDAY

This year was totally something else for Beca and Chloe. Only one week till Christmas and they were behind with everything. Not that Beca would mind, she wasn't into Christmas since her parents divorced but Chloe... Chloe loved Christmas. More than anything. Unfortunately tho, her job was keeping her busy to the point she didn't even had time to decorate their apartment let alone going out to look for the perfect Christmas tree.

And if there was something that Beca loved more than anything, well.. that was Chloe. That's why she found herself that morning in their living room with a huge box. She wanted to surprise her girlfriend and decorate the Christmas tree for her. Let's just say Beca was not the best person to accomplish that task but she totally tried her best to make it look as festive as possible. Which wasn't exactly the easiest thing to do when the only help she got was from their four legged friend, retriever Hagrid, who was constantly stealing every piece of decoration he could find and reach.

But after few hours of climbing the chair to reach the upper parts of the tree and chasing the dog to get the things he stole, the brunette was finally done. She was proud of her work, even thought she knew it wasn't the most beautiful tree in town. But it was for Chloe and Chloe would be happy. Right?

Wrong. When Chloe got home from work, Beca was in the kitchen getting dinner ready. She didn't hear her girfriend opening the door and coming inside until she heard laugther coming from the living room. She went there, curious what made her favorite redhead laugh so much. When she entered the room, Chloe stood in front of the tree, one hand covering her mouth and her body was shaking with, suddently, silent laughter.

"Ehm, what is it?" asked Chloe, pointing at the tree. Beca squinted her eyes suspiciously. " Our Christmas tree?" she tried carefully, still not understanding what was happening. Chloe started laughing again, stronger than before. "It's a fake tree and it looks like it's best years are over." More laugh. "Hey! That's rude, dude." the brunette huffed and turned around to go back to the kitchen. "No, no, no, no. Beca, wait. I'm sorry baby, I didn't mean to. The tree is really beautiful and i really appreciate what you did." Beca stopped and faced Chloe again. The redhead looked into her eyes and then she looked at the tree. It looked really weird and not at all what she expected it to be but was very impressed with the effort Beca made just for her.

"I have an idea" Chloe said hugging Beca. "What?" was her answer, annoyed look on her face. "We could go looking for a new, real one together and make it again. And I'll help you this time" she smiled and kissed her on the cheek "I'm really sorry babe but that, is not exactly something a person would consider a nice tree" she said pointing to the tree standing right in the middle of the room, trying not to laugh again. She didn't want the brunette to feel worse than she already was. She knew Beca didn't like Christmas but she really appreciated what she did. "Okay Beale, like I could say no to you." Chloe knew that was going to be the answer, Beca always agrees when it's her asking her things.

All of a sudden, Chloe felt a fluffy ball walking between her legs. She crutched down and started to pet their dog. "Hey you, I missed you" she was using what Beca called weird kid voice, the one she always used when she talked with Hagrid. "Where you a good boy for Beca today? Of course you were". The dog was so happy to have all the attentions and loved the way Chloe petted him that he immediately rolled on his back and started to wiggle his tale faster than he could. "Aww Becs, isn't he cute?" she asked looking directly at her girlfriend. "If you say so" Beca said. She wasn't exactly a dog person.

Chloe got up after a few more seconds and went to Beca starting to hug her and kiss her all over her face "Oh c'moon Bec! You love him and you know it, don't deny it to yourself" she said laughing. "I don't Chlo, you know I agreed to it because I can't say no to your puppy dog eyes". She was trying to escape from her girlfriend's arms when she suddenly heard a weird sound coming from behind. She turned around so fast that Chloe could hear her neck snap. Everything went silent for a second, then, all Chloe could hear was Beca screaming.

"What the hell are you doing?! That's not a real tree! No need to mark your territory! Chloe he's peeing on our tree! Do something!" She couldn't move, she was too shocked to do anything. When she finally turned around tho, she found her girlfriend on the floor, laughing so hard that breathing was starting to be hard.

"Oh my God, Becs! You're so funny" Chloe said after regaining her breath. "Funny?! Chlo, it will smell like pee in here!" she huffed. "Don't worry, I'll clean it babe" She got up, got closer to the other girl and kissed her on the cheek. The brunette rolled her eyes and turned her head slightly on her side. "This is going to be the longest Christmas ever"

WEDNESDAY

They didn't even start decorating the new tree yet and Beca was already regretting her agreement on making another one with Chloe. Not that she would have another choice, since Hagrid peed on her masterpiece. The thing was, that thing that Chloe called dog, was even crazier then yesterday. Beca thought it was mostly because Chloe was home, all happy and in Christmas mood, jumping around the house and singing Christmas themed songs, which Hargid thought it was funny and, apparently, her mood infected him too. He started jumping and runnning around the house too, sniffing everything that Chloe brought down from the attic. Meaning, no decoration was safe.

In no time, Hagrid was able to break two balls, chew one lightning cable and eat some wrapping paper they found somewhere inside the boxes but Chloe just shrug it off.

"It's just a puppy, Beca. He wants to play." True. Hagrid was kinda still puppy. 8 months old. But they didn't give him his name for nothing. He was big, even for a puppy. And incredibly clumsy.

It was almost dinner time and they were just starting with the decorating process. Beca gave the dog a chewy bone so he wouldn't be a distracton for them. She had no interest in chasing him around the house again.

Everything was going as planned. Beca was giving the decorations to Chloe and Chloe was putting them on their new, awesome and real tree, they bought that morning. Hagrid went back in the living room a few times to check on them and the progress they were making, apparently curious if they are done or if he still have time to steal something.

Finally, after a good hour, they were almost done. All decorations were proudly hanging on the tree, the lights were on their place making the tree look beautiful and festive, the only thing that was missing was the colored chain. That shiny thing that was like the cherry on top, to make it look even better. There was just one problem, Beca couldn't find it. She went through all the boxes, twice.. and nothing. She looked everywhere in the living room while Chloe tried the boxes one more time. "Chloe, I'm not blind. It's not there." The redhead was sure she brought it down from the attic, no chance it would still be there. So where the hell was it? Suddently, Beca stopped and turned to her girlfriend. "What?" asked Chloe.

Then Beca shouted. "HAGRIIIID!!!" The dog came rushing into the living room just a few seconds later, tongue dangling sideway out of his mouth and his body all tangled up in the chain. Beca groaned and Chloe, once again, had a hard time to keep a straight face, meaning she burst into a fit of laughter just few seconds after his arrival. The brunette raised her brows and pointed at the happy looking puppy. "See, this dog is not normal." she said pointing at him. "I have to take a picture of him, it will be the perfect Christmas card." was Chloe's only response before she grabbed the camera and started snapping pictures.

THURSDAY

It wasn't exactly plan for this day, but it was inevitable. Shopping. They already had most of the gifts for their families and friends at home, but Chloe needed few more for her nieces. "We could go to that nice little shop on the corner of Brewer street and King's road. You know, not many people, not too loud, not being squished by others..." the little brunette said trying to convince her other half. Avoiding big, ugly crowds in the mall was the only thought in her mind at the moment. "It would be no fun, Becs. Besides, we can take Hagrid with us and leave him in Amy's pet shop if we go to the mall." That was exactly the last thing Beca wanted to hear. Have their crazy dog in the mall full of crazy people. It just screamed the word "DISASTER" itself. But one look at Chloe and she knew she would lose this battle.

Chloe loved malls during Chrismas time. The huge tree decorated in the middle of it, thousands of lights outside and inside the mall, Santas everywhere... "It's just once a year, you can survive it." thought Beca before saying "Okay, let's go shopping then."

When they got there, Chloe's eyes shined with excitement even more than before. The lights decorating the building were stunning, even Beca was looking at it in amazement. They let Hagrid out of the car, put him on the leash and all three of them started walking towards the entrance.

The mall was indeed full of people. It looked like the end of the world was near and all the people were trying to get ready for it. Beca took a deep breath. This day was going to be hell. They made an agreetment, to take Hagrid to Amy first so they can go peacefully shopping. Beca scoffed at the use of the word "peacefully" because this shopping day will be everything but peaceful. But Chloe was enjoying it and it was for her nieces, so the brunette tried her best to be positive about it too.

They were holding hands, Beca was holding the leash with Hagrid in her other hand and they were making slow progress on their way to Amy’s shop. Mostly because Chloe stopped by every shop window looking inside and even more excited than before informing her girlfriend that "We have to go back to this shop."

Chloe took pictures of every decoration and tree she saw on the way, endless joy was bursting out of her. She was really enjoying it and Beca was enjoying seeing her favorite redhead that happy. She was laughing when Chloe was taking the millionth picture of a giant gingerbread man screaming loudly "See Becs, we are both gingers!" It was incredibly cute even if she didn’t find it that funny. That’s something she would never say to the other girl tho.

But then Chloe turned around and squeled like a five years old girl. "There's Santa! Becs, we have to go there, I want to take pictures with him! Pleaseeeeee." she added for good measure and looked at her girlfriend with that look, the one she knew Beca couldn’t resist. The brunette just sighed and shook her head with an amused smile on her face. "Okay Beale, but it's only you. I don't want any picture with that creepy man." Chloe kissed her as a thank you and the next moment she dragged her to the long line of parents with their kids.

Waiting there in the line was endless, at least for Beca and, on top of it, every five minutes they could hear some kid cry the moment their mothers left them on Santa’s lap. But Chloe was happy anyway and she wasn't the only one. Hagrid was in seventh heaven too. Every once in a while a kid came to pet him or cuddle him and he couldn't stop waggling his tail. "He's totally Chloe's pet." Beca thought.

After half an hour, it was finally Chloe's turn to go and tell Santa what she wanted for Christmas. She kissed Beca and with a quick "I'll be right back." went running to sit on the white bearded man knee. The moments she sat there, something happened. Neither she or Beca expected it. Hagrid sprung forward, all excited, and before Beca had time to understand what was happening, the dog was sitting on Santa's lap too, licking his face.

Beca, all red in the face, run to them, trying to get Hagrid down. People around were laughing, especially parents in line. It was a nice change for this otherwise boring waiting. What no one expected tho, was for the photografer to press the button on his camera in that exact moment.

It took few moments for Beca and Chloe to get Hargrid down and away from Santa, all while the redhead was profusely apologizing to him. They were almost out of the "North Pole" when the photografer stopped them and gave them their photo. "It's for free. It's a long time since i enjoyed my work this much." he told them, still laughing. Then he petted Hagrid on his head and went back to take photo of another crying kid.

Chloe took a look at the photo, then biting her lip she looked at the brunette. "No! Don't even think about it!" said Beca looking at her with wide eyes. "But it would be a better Christmas card than the one l worked on yesterday." Beca took the photo out of her girlfriend's hands wanting to see how bad it was. And it was even worse than she imagined. In the picture there was Chloe sitting on one Santa’s knee, laughing, while on the other knee was Hagrid licking the laughing old man. And then there was Beca. Red, shocked, mad, falling down the stairs while trying to get the dog down. Her eyes moved from the photo in her hands to the redheaded girl. "If you tell anyone about it, I'll kill you in your sleep." the brunette said and started to walk towards their destination. Chloe followed her laughing “l love you too, Becs.”

FRIDAY

Here is one thing that no one would ever expect. And that thing is that Beca Mitchell actually loves to bake. And she is really good at it. So it’s no surprise that it’s her in charge to bake all their Christmas cookies every year. And this year is no exception.

Chloe is really enjoying days like this. Days when her little grumpy "I hate Christmas" DJ changes into someone else. For the first two years they celebrated Christmas together Chloe tried to help Beca with baking, but the brunette had her rutine and she was so good at it that Chloe only made her slower and was bumping into her girlfriend more then she was helping. So in the end, they decided that Beca will bake cookies while Chloe will be in charge of decorating them. They were the perfect team.

And today is that day. Beca was already in the kitchen since early morning, making one dough after another, flour all over herself, looking relaxed and happy while singing songs. Chloe was sitting at the table, sipping eggnog here and there and watching her girlfriend. Listening. It was rare for her, hearing Beca sing. It was more Chloe's thing. The redhead was used to sing around the house all the time. Christmas or not. But in rare moments like this, Chloe simply listened and just ocassionally joined Beca to create that perfect harmony that made them fall in love with eachother.

"Can i taste one?" asked the redhead, looking at the line of perfect cookies in front of Beca. "Sure." said Beca smiling fondly at her before turning around to check another plate of cookies in the oven. Chloe grabbed one cookie and went back to the table to continue decorate.

Few seconds later Beca turned back to gather the cookies that were already done, noticing there were missing more than one. She smirked eyeing Chloe but continued to make another dough. But when she turned her back to the plate with cookies and then turned back, there were another cookies missing from the plate. The brunette furrowed her brow, studying her girlfriend one more time. "What? Do I have some icing on my face?" asked the redhead, immediately trying to clean her face. Beca just shrug it off, already planning to catch Chloe stealing some more.

She went back and started working with the dough or more like pretending she was working on it, but in reality she was just listening intenly for the faintest footsteps. And after a few moments, she could hear them. She waited till the other girl was right behind her and then turned around as fast as she could, shouting "GOTCH YA!" in the process.

The culprit got so scared that he made a big jump when Beca scared him missing the cookie he was aiming for and instead falling with half of his body into the plate, flipping it. In a fration of second, all the cookies were flying into the air and then falling to the ground, burying Hagrid under them. He stayed still, lying on the floor, looking up at Beca. And Beca really wanted to be mad at him. But she couldn't. One look at him, at the way he was laying there, his back covered in cookies and one reindeer shaped cookie sitting on top of his head, and she started laughing. Chloe, who was watching the whole scene from the table, released a breath she didn't even know she was holding and started to laugh too. Hargrid was truly making this Christmas merry.

SATURDAY

Saturday afternoon was reserved for charity. Chloe as the biggest animal lover she was, volunteered herself as a helper in the local shelter and of course, if Chloe volunteers, it means that Beca had to do it too. "It will be so much fun." said the redhead when she told her girlfriend the news.

But Beca wasn't having fun. At the shelter all the dogs were out of their cages, running around them, jumping and licking their faces. The only ones who were enjoying it were Chloe and Hagrid. He was ecstatic. So many "friends" to smell and play with that when Beca saw the look of pure happiness on Chloe's face while watching her "kid" interact with others, she got scared that the redhead will want to adopt all the animals in there.

Working there wasn't that bad. They cleaned the cages with the help of other volunteers, they played with dogs, gave them food and played some more, so luckily for Beca, the time spent there flew very fast and before they knew it, it was time to get all dogs back into their houses so the shelter can let people who want to adopt some innocent soul in.

Beca was just checking if all locks were secure when she remembered it had been already some time she was bugged by Hagrid. She looked around, but nothing, so she decided to finish closing the few locks left before going to look for their dog. "He's probably with Chloe anyway." was her only thought and she was sure she was right.

She was almost done, one more lock and she could consider the day over when suddently she stopped, hand still on the lock. She made a step back and turned to look into the cage. There was sitting a completely still and happy looking dog, waiting to be adopted. "DUDE! You already have a home!" "Becs, have you seen Haggy? Can't find him anywhere." asked Chloe when she entered the room just few moments after. It only took a second or two for the brunette to answer. "Yyyyyy-es, i had." and she just pointed to the cage.

Chloe made some quick steps to reach her girlfriend and looked at their dog through the bars. "Beca! You locked him there?!?" Then she turned back to their dog. "Awww, my poor baby, hold on, mommy will get you out." "He got inside by himself." replied Beca, barely holding her laughter in. "Maybe he wants to be adopted and we could adopt some other dog. Maybe some dog that is real dog and not the devil in a shape of dog."

"Maybe I could keep Hagrid and get some other girlfriend. Maybe a real girlfriend." deadpanned Chloe. Beca laughed but when the expression on the redhead face didn't change, she got insecure. "Wait, like.. seriously? You know I love Hargid, right? I wouldn't want any other dog." Chloe started laughing while unlocking the cage and letting their puppy out. "Becs, relax. I was just joking." She gave Beca a quick pec on her lips. "You are the best, i wouldn't want any other girlfriend."

SUNDAY

Beca and Chloe didn't have many Christmas traditions yet. But they have this one, Christmas caroling. Every year, they meet up with the other Bellas and enjoy the evening going around their neighborhood singing. This year, it would be little different though. Chloe came up with the idea to do it in costumes, but for a very good reasons, she kinda "forgot" to mention this detail to Beca. She told her about it just half an hour before they were supposed to meet the other Bellas.

"You have to be kidding me." groaned Beca the moment she got the news. "I'm not going out in stupid costume, Chlo." "It's not a stupid costume, it's a Christmas costume. Please, Beca. Everyone will wear one, even Hagrid.” Beca really wanted to say no. She hated costumes since she was little, but she knew how much caroling meant for Chloe. It reminded her their times at Barden, times when being a Bella meant everything to her.

"What costume?" asked Beca, already resigned and scared of the answer. Chloe bit her lip. "Weeeell, I wanted us to be Mr. and Mrs. Claus but they didn't have a Santa costume in your size." Beca gulped. "So I got you this." Beca's eyes widened. "Fuck."

Half an hour later, all the Bellas, including Chloe and Hagrid were in the living room, still waiting for Beca. "Hagrid is really the cutest reindeer, Chloe." praised excitedly Emily, who was wearing her snowflake costume. The other girls' costumes were awesome too. The redhead was really happy about it. Stacie was wearing a really nice Christmas tree costume, Flo was a gingerbread man, Jessica and Ashley were wearing half of a star each, making whole one only when side hugging each other, Lilly was dressed like a giant candle, whispering she will light herself up when they will get out and Aubrey looked like an angel, going around saying she was the personification of the Christmas spirt. Amy, who had a snowman costume on was slowly getting impatient. "Move your skinny butt down here Shawshank, we don't have all year for it!" she shouted from the staircase.

Beca heard Amy yelling at her and she knew she run out of time. She couldn't drag it any longer. She puffed out some air from her lungs, trying to get herself ready for what she knew was about to come. Everyone in the room knew that Beca was supposed to wear Mr. Santa costume to match her girlfriend. And everyone knew that this plan was ruined. They just didn't know what Chloe bought instead because the redhead kept it a secret.

So when Beca entered the living room, they all stopped talking, everyone just stared at her. She was wearing an elf costume. A freaking kid's elf costume!! It took just five second for Amy to be ready to release some snarky comment, but Beca cut her off with a fierce look, pointing a finger at her. "One word, Amy." she warned her. "Or any of you.. " she turned to the others. "..and you will regret it”. There was few more seconds of silence after Beca's threat before all the girls erupted in a fit of laughter.

"Oh, c'moon! I'm seriou..." "That was really scary Shorty, especially looking like that." laughed Amy, almost hiccuping for the entire sentence. "This will be the best caroling ever." added a laughing Stacie.

Chloe had to agree with her. They were finally all together again and they were ready to go enjoy singing like in old times.

MONDAY - CHRISTMAS EVE

This year Beca and Chloe are celebrating Christmas with the Beale's family. Meaning they have to arrive to Chloe's parents early in the morning, catch up with everyone there, help with dinner and then, when the kids will be finally in bed, the adults will start opening their gifts. This tradition was little bit weird for Beca at first, but when Chloe explained to her that the reason was simply to give all attention to kids the next morning during their time of opening gifts, Beca thought it was cute.

They arrived at the Beale's around 9am and everyone, beside Chloe's brother Nathan, was already there. Chloe barely had time to say hi to her mom and dad when she was attacked by 5 years old girl, Charllote. "Auntie Chloeeee!" "Hiiii, pumpkin! How are you?" she picked her niece up, peppering her face with kisses and making her giggle. "Look who came with me. Do you remember Beca?" "Hey Charlie." waved Beca when Charlotte looked at her. The little blond girl nodded her head, too shy to reply to either of them. Luckily for her, it was the moment when some other Beale's members decided to come and welcome the couple.

"You're late sis." said Chloe's other brother Jimmy and it earned him a slap on the arm from both, Chloe and his wife Rachel. "Let them be, they just arrived." Rachel scolded him. Beca laughed watching the scene. This bickering between the Beale siblings was one of the best parts on Chrismas.

After Chloe and Beca got all their stuff, including Hagrid of course, into the house and their room, it was time for mama Beale's famous hot chocolate. The rest of the family gathered in the living room while mama Beale, Chloe and Rachel went to the kitchen to get their drinks ready.

"Sooo?" Started Jimmy, looking at Beca. "Do you know how you will do it?" The brunette made face, looking around to make sure Chloe was not around and hissed towards the ginger man. "Dude! She could hear us!" "Hear what?" asked Chloe, making Beca jump in her seat. Jimmy laughed while Beca tried to find an answer.

Beca couldn't tell the redhead the truth, that they were talking about Beca's plan to propose to her. Besides, Beca still didn't have any idea on how she will do it. The original plan was to use Hagrid. She wanted to give him box with the ring inside and send him to deliver it to Chloe, but after these few months, Beca thought it better. She had no interest to watch how her carefully picked ring was going to be swallowed by their dog and then spend the rest of the Christmas day walking around, waiting for Hagrid to poop, to retrieve it back. Gross. No, that was not an option. So Beca just sweetly smiled at Chloe and with "Where is my hot chocolate?" distracted her enough to forget about it.

They have been talking for hours, Nathan joining them around the same time as two months old Ellie woke up from her nap. Since then, Chloe barely let anyone carry the little baby. She was making faces at her, playing with her and talking to her, using the same voice she was using to talk to Hagrid. It made Beca nervous, seeing their dog running to Chloe everytime she did that. She was scared he would hurt the baby. She was nicely suprised tho to see Hargid stop a few feet from them everytime he approached them and slowly and gently poking Ellie with his snout making her laugh. A completely different dog from the one she knows, the same one who wakes her every morning by jumping with his huge body on her stomach.

Before they knew it, it was time to get dinner ready. Everyone moved to the kitchen and everyone helped with something. Even little Charlie was there to help. At 7pm all meals were ready, the table nicely set and there was nothing to keep them from eating. As usual, dinner at Beale's wasn’t just full of food, but full of joy and laughter too. When dinner was over, Beca and Chloe offered to take care of the dishes, while Jimmy and Rachel went to give a bath and tuck in bed their daughers. Nathan stayed in the kichten, telling Chloe about his new girlfriend and mama and papa Beale went to make lit the fire up in the fireplace.

It was almost 9pm when they all found themselves in the living room again. Hot chocolate was replaced with eggnog and under the Christmas tree were lots of gifts and between them was a sleeping Hagrid. It was cute, even Beca had to admit it. Nathan was the first one to grab one of the gifts,never being able to wait long. He started handing gifts to the others too, that way everyone could open and see what they got. The atmosphere was beautiful. It was a really peaceful evening filled with love.

"Hey sissy, what you got from Beca?" asked Jimmy purposely. The redhead blushed, not knowing what to say. She got no gift from Beca. She started turning towards her girlfriend, ready to say it was okay if she forgot the gift home, but when she faced her, Beca was in front of her, kneeling on one knee and in hand she was holding a velvet box with beautiful ring with a blue diamond inside. "Chloe, will you marry me?" A sob escaped from Chloe's mouth, tears of joy falling down her face. "YES! YES, YOU WEIRDO, I'LL MARRY YOU!" answered Chloe, jumping on her girlfriend and tackling her on the floor, kissing her in the process. The rest of the family clapped their hands, happy for their daughter and sister. Of course, all this noise woke Hagrid and he was immediately on top of them both, licking their faces.

"Eww, Hagrid no! Get down!" panted Beca between laugh. After a few seconds, all of them calmed down again. Chloe got up, helping Beca on her feet too. The brunette kissed her shortly, getting finally the ring out of the box. "Can I?" she asked, monitioning to Chloe's finger. The redhead nodded her head, giving her hand to Beca and watching carefully how the love of her life was putting the most beautiful ring on her finger. Beca looked into Chloe's eyes when she was done. "I love you Chloe Beale." "I love you Beca Mitchell."

The brunette was about to kiss her fiancè again when Nathan came up behind her. "I thought you had something really romantic planned, sister-in-law.“ he teased, trying to hold his laughter in. Beca turned around and looked at him with an annoyed look on her face. "Shut up.” she hissed and then she turned back around to finally kiss her girl once more. "Merry Christmas Chloe“. "Merry Christmas Becs“.

#Merry Pitchmas 2018 #YESSS!#I made it!#Hope you will enjoy it guys #Bechloe #Bloe #Beca & Chloe #Pitch Perfect #My work #Big thanks to my girlfriend for support and everything

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