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fortheloveofwonderland · 9 months

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Me & You & Everyone We Know | Chapter 13 | S.R

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Chapter Summary - You and Spencer finally decide to go your separate ways but life keeps forcing you back together. Daisy and Penelope help Spencer take steps towards moving on.

Pairing - Single Dad! Spencer Reid / Fem! Reader

Category - hurt/comfort, angst with happy ending, smut minors DNI.

A/N - the scene of their actual break up is short because I didn’t think it needed dragging out. It’s clear why they are splitting up and I feel a quick break would have been easier on them rather than dragging everything up again.

Warnings - break ups, brief mention of canon shootings, tears, talk of depression and sadness, Spencer tries to be honest with Daisy, cute domestic moments, Spencer gets nostalgic, very brief mentions of sexual activity.

WC - 5.4k

Chapter 13 - Life Ain’t Always Beautiful

Life ain't always beautiful,

You think you're on your way,

And it's just a dead end road at the end of the day.

But the struggles makes you stronger,

And the changes make you wise,

And happiness has its own way of takin' its sweet time.

You weren’t entirely surprised to find a dishevelled looking Spencer on your doorstep. He knew he’d messed up and he knew simply calling you wasn’t enough.

You didn’t invite him in, instead the two of you sat on the front steps of your apartment building in uncomfortable silence while you waited for him to say something.

He stared at the pavement, not looking at you because if he did he might break down. He needed to say what he’d come here to say.

“Sorry isn’t going to cut it and I know that.” He finally spoke after several minutes of quiet. “Honestly I don’t even know what to say. I hide my feelings so well that I even forget about them sometimes. I wish it hadn’t come out the way it did but I can’t change that now.”

You stayed silent, not really having anything to say to him so you didn’t speak. Spencer sighed, his whole body going rigid as he breathed in and deflating as he breathed out.

“I did love my wife, of course I did. And despite everything, I still love her. But that’s incredibly confusing for me because I also love you.” He glanced up at you now and you could see in his eyes the way this was tearing him apart.

Under any other circumstances hearing Spencer Reid tell you he loved you would have elicited feelings of joy and elation. But not like, this wasn’t how you wanted to hear it. You inhaled sharply, nodding slowly at his words.

“I think you need to deal with whatever residual emotions you’ve been harbouring for her before you jump into something else. I don’t want to be someone’s second choice, Spencer.” You chewed the inside of your cheek as a way of trying to stem your tears.

“You deserve better than that.” He agreed. “I need to work on some things. I just wish I’d realised that before I met you.” His eyes swam with tears. “This is over isn’t it?”

“I think it has to be.” You nodded sadly.

“I’m so sorry I dragged you into this mess. For what it’s worth I wanted this to work out, I really did. But I think I always knew that my heart wasn’t fully mine to give away.” He managed to keep his tears at bay but they were still hindering his vision.

“Me too.” You replied simply, not having much else to say.

After that the two of you fell into silence on your front steps. The weight of the end hung heavy on you both. Neither of you wanted this to be over but both understood it had to be.

You stayed like this for a while, silently relishing in the company you’d grown so fond of and knowing it would soon be over.

After a while he left, simply waving at you as he descended the stairs to the street. You waved back and watched him go.

The second he was out of sight you missed him.

***

The moment he walked away was the moment he knew he’d made a mistake.

Dragging himself down your front steps and sliding into his car, starting the engine and pulling away from the curb, caused him more pain than he’d ever felt in his whole life.

It started as a dull ache in his chest as he merged onto the street, heading steadily down your block before taking the first left.

It grew it from an ache to a stabbing pain by the time he was a mile or so away from your apartment building.

By the time he pulled the car to a stop outside of Maeve and Bobby's, his entire body felt numb and as though it was on fire all at once.

He never thought he could feel pain like this, didn’t believe anything could hurt him the way Maeve’s affair had. Yet here he was, the agony ripping through his body like a flame's fierce talons, shredding, tearing, melting away every little piece of him until he was nothing but dust and ashes.

It reminded him of being shot, in the knee, in the neck; wherever. Except this was like being shot right through the heart over and over in quick succession, by a gun with a never ending chamber of bullets.

It wasn’t supposed to be this way. How could losing someone he’d only known a few months be more painful than finding out of his wife’s infidelity?

Maybe he was feeling everything all at once. Perhaps now he’d confronted his emotions towards Maeve and lost you in the space of twenty four hours the loss had combined itself.

He wasn’t sure. All he knew was that he was in more pain than he’d ever experienced before in his entire life. He felt like he couldn’t breathe, like every small movement sent shockwaves through his entire body.

He only realised when he switched off the engine and caught a glimpse of himself in the rear view mirror that he was crying.

He couldn’t face his girls like this but he also couldn’t snap himself out of it. This wouldn’t do, he couldn’t be around his daughters in this state, they deserved more from him.

He pulled his cell phone from his pocket with a shaky hand and dialled her number. It rang twice before she answered.

“Spencer, hi.” She swallowed as she spoke.

“Uh…could you have the girls one more night?” He tried his best to keep the emotion from his voice.

He glanced up at the house, saw movement in a window and hoped she didn’t know he was outside.

“Is everything ok?” Maeve’s voice had a frown to it.

“I just…I’m not good.” He croaked. “I can’t…can’t explain. Please? I’ll pick them up from school tomorrow. I just can’t…can't see me like this.”

There were a few moments of silence down the line and he saw the curtains twitch upstairs. A sliver of her face appeared through the crack, looking down on his car on the side of the road.

As soon as she appeared she vanished again, the only thing telling him he hadn’t imagined it was the swaying of the curtains.

“Ok.” She replied eventually. “Of course I can have them another night.”

“Th-thank you.” He wrestled with a sob, knowing Maeve heard it down the phone.

“Take care of yourself Spencer.” She whispered.

His hand holding the phone gripped it tighter for a moment while the tears heavily flooded down his face.

“I’ll try.” He closed his eyes, slapping his other hand against the steering wheel. “Bye.”

He hung up swiftly, stuffing the device back inside his pocket and starting up the engine. He rubbed his eyes with his palms to try and rid them of tears enough for him to drive.

He didn’t stop crying the entire drive back to Virginia, couldn’t even if he wanted to. He parked on the drive and slumped out of the car, dragged himself up the steps and entered his home.

Another couch cushion lay in tatters on the floor, the scruffy dog rolling around joyfully in its debris.

Spencer simply rolled his eyes and headed past the stupid mutt towards the stairs.

It was still early but it didn’t stop him stripping down and getting into bed. He hoped it would stop the urge to go out and replenish his alcohol supply.

He’d left the door open a crack and it wasn’t all that long before he heard a snuffling by the door and then it creaked open a few inches. Seconds later a ball of grey matted fur leapt onto his bed.

He groaned at the dog but Taco didn’t even seem to notice as he turned around several times, finding the most comfortable spot, before flopping down on the mattress.

“This is not your bed.” Spencer’s voice was barely a whimper. “Goddamnit you’re a pain in my ass.”

Taco huffed out a breath as if he could understand Spencer’s words and his eyes started to flutter closed.

Spencer didn’t have the energy to forcibly remove the dog from his room so he ignored him instead, rolling away from him and onto his side.

He tucked one arm between his pillows and closed his own eyes. Sleep would be far out of reach but nonetheless he squeezed his eyes tightly shut and hoped to be sucked into unconsciousness.

Taco was already snoring behind him, not a care in the world to keep him awake. But for Spencer, sleep was but a pipe dream.

He laid awake for hours, images of the last day swirling behind his closed lids. When he did eventually fall asleep it was fretful at best and didn’t last long.

By the time the sun rose he felt less rested than he had before he went to bed. He called in sick to work, not able to face the outside world today.

He’d have to surface eventually, pick himself up and piece himself back together in time to collect the girls from school. He had to be ok. He needed to be ok for them.

Even if he would never be ok again for himself.

***

“Hey dad?”

The voice snapped away from his computer screen for the first time in hours. His eyes were dry and had to blink a few times to be able to focus on his eldest daughter in the doorway of his office.

“Hey pumpkin. Oh sorry, am I allowed to call you that?” He pushed his chair back a little as she came further into the room.

“When my friends aren’t around you can.” Daisy shrugged.

“Fair enough.” He glanced at the clock in the corner of the screen, frowning a little at the time. “It’s almost midnight, why are you awake?”

“Why are you awake?” She deflected.

“Touché.” He laughed.

She moved further into the room and dropped down into the chair on the other side of his desk.

She’d been quiet since he’d picked the girls up from school, clearly annoyed she had to spend another night at her moms.

“Thank you for the party by the way. I had a really great time.” She toyed with the sleeve of her pyjama top.

“It was really all your moms idea. It’s her you should be thanking.”

This caused Daisy to wrinkle her nose and furrow her brows.

“I don’t believe you.” She huffed.

“I know you’re not happy with your mom right now, Daisy but that doesn’t stop her loving you. She heard you talking about a pool party, she asked grandpa Dave if you and your friends could use his house. I had nothing to do with it.” It pained him to admit as much.

Daisy huffed again, rolling her lip between her teeth the same way Spencer did when he was contemplating something.

“I’m still mad at her.” She grumbled.

“And that’s ok, you’re allowed to be angry, pumpkin but you’ve got to try and cut her some slack.” He leant his elbows on his desk.

“I’ll try.” She shrugged.

“That’s all I ask.” He smiled softly at her.

“Mom said you were sick. Are you feeling better?” She changed the subject, clearly not wanting to prolong a conversation about her mom.

“Kinda.” He nodded.

“You don’t look sick.” She scrutinised him with her eyes, the eyes that were so much her mothers.

Spencer chuckled, sitting back in his chair again.

“You’re too smart for your own good.” He laughed, knowing she wouldn’t drop it and wondering how honest to be with her. “I guess it wasn’t so much a physical kind of sickness, more mental.”

She furrowed her brows again, he could practically see the cogs turning in her head.

“Dad, are you depressed?”

“Uh…” he frowned, shaking his head. “Maybe, in a sense.”

“I thought you said you were happy?”

“I am, most of the time, sweetheart. But I just had a bad few days and I didn’t want you girls to see me sad.”

“Why were you sad? Was it because of mom?”

Goddamnit, he sighed. He always knew his brain would turn against him one day but not like this.

He’d made a child who was way too smart for her age, not as smart as he was at fourteen but incredibly intelligent nonetheless. Daisy was curious and inquisitive and she got that from him.

“It’s complicated.” He shrugged.

“Adults always say that.” She rolled her eyes. “I’m fourteen, dad, I’m not a little kid.”

He pushed himself up from the chair and rounded the desk, kneeling on the floor in front of Daisy, smoothing her hair back from her face.

“When your mom left I focused myself on you and your sister, making sure the two of you were ok but I never really let myself grieve the loss of my marriage. I guess it’s been catching up on me lately.” He kept his hand on her cheek.

“You miss her?” She asked softly.

“I do.” He confessed.

“But she hurt you.”

“Like I said, it’s complicated. Me and your mom had some great times together Daisy. Yes she hurt me but we had some really good times. I miss those, I miss us being a family.”

“I do too.” She agreed. “I thought your new girlfriend made you happy?”

He tried to hide the way her words felt like a sucker punch to his gut as he sat back on his haunches.

“I…well I don’t think that’s going to work out.”

“Did she break up with you?” Daisy pouted a little.

“Not exactly…we, uh, it was a mutual decision. It wasn’t the right time.” He got back up to his feet and Daisy stood too. She quickly threw herself into Spencer’s arms.

“I love you dad.” She said as she snuggled against his chest.

“I love you too, pumpkin.” He wrapped his arms tightly around her.

“You’ll find someone who makes you happy again.” She spoke against the fabric of his shirt.

He exhaled a long and shaky breath as he held his daughter. Even if the rest of his life was a mess, he always had his girls. Daisy and Lily were the one thing in his life he’d done right.

“You and your sister make me happier than you’ll ever know. The two of you are all I need.” It wasn’t strictly true, but for the most part it was.

It would be nice to have someone to share his life with again but as long as he had Daisy and Lily then he would consider himself a very lucky man.

When the hug ended he tucked her hair behind her ears and placed a kiss on her forehead.

“Time for bed now, missy. It’s late and you have school in the morning.” He gently turned her by the shoulders towards the door.

“Only if you go to bed too.” She spoke before she reached the door.

“I’m an adult, I can go to bed when I like.”

“You have work in the morning though, so if I have to go to bed, so do you.” She folded her arms in defiance.

“Fine,” he rolled his eyes, not feeling much like arguing with a fourteen year old.

He opened the door and switched out the light, motioning Daisy towards her room. As she reached for her door handle he found himself speaking again.

“Hey Daisy?”

“Yes dad?” She looked at him over her shoulder.

“How would you feel about moving house? We wouldn’t go far, you wouldn’t need to change schools or anything I just think…I feel like…” he trailed off, not quite sure how to finish that sentence.

Daisy smiled at him and came back towards him, reaching up and grasping his shoulders.

“Mom left over a year ago, I think it’s time dad.” She spoke softly.

“When did you get so grown up?” He sighed wistfully. “So you’d be ok with it?”

“If it’ll make you happy again, sure.” She nodded, letting him go and heading back to her room. “G’night dad.”

“Goodnight pumpkin.” He stayed in the corridor until she was in her room with the door closed.

He inhaled deeply before exhaling slowly through his nose. As he turned back towards his room he heard a door open. He rolled his eyes.

“Daisy I thought we agreed…” he trailed off as he turned around and came face to face with his youngest, looking up at him through sleepy eyes.

“I heard voices.” Lily croaked, rubbing one eye with her fist.

“Sorry pumpkin, we didn’t mean to wake you. Go back to sleep.”

“I need a story first.” She whined a little.

“Fine,” Spencer sighed, knowing arguing would take longer than just reading her story.

He headed towards her room but she was shaking her head.

“No, in your room!” She pouted.

Spencer grumbled under his breath but knew resistance was futile.

“Go and grab a book and meet me in my room. Hurry though, it’s late.” He shooed her towards her room.

She squealed excitedly before running back to her room. Spencer turned and walked to his own room, stripping off his shirt but leaving on the white tee he wore underneath.

He was dropping to his mattress when the door opened again and Lily barrelled in, Taco close behind.

Lily jumped on the bed next to him, handing him the book while Taco leapt up and curled into a ball at Spencer's feet.

Lily shuffled close to him, he held his arm out for her to snuggle into him. She rested her head on his chest and he held her by her shoulders.

With his free hand he opened the book but before he could begin, the door opened again. Spencer glanced up to see Daisy tentatively enter his room.

“Can I join in?” She asked somewhat bashfully.

“You’re not too old for story time?” He smiled at her.

“No.” She shook her head.

“Come up here then.” He patted the space on the mattress on his other side.

Daisy beamed and ran over to the bed, throwing herself down next to Spencer, curling into him and laying on his chest much like Lily.

He had an arm around each girl, trying to hold the book open, precariously balancing it on his stomach.

“One story and then we’re all going to sleep ok?” He told them both.

“Promise!” Lily giggled.

“Me too.” Daisy agreed.

Spencer started to read. The warmth from his daughter’s radiated through him, the feeling of them so close, their heads on his chest was such a magical feeling.

Lily was the one who started dozing off first, he heard her breathing getting drawn out but Daisy wasn’t far behind.

He didn’t make it to the end of the book before his eyes started fluttering too.

It had been a particularly hard few days for Spencer, but now as he started drifting off to sleep with his girls in his arms, none of that mattered.

As long as he had Daisy and Lily and moments like this, what more could he possibly need?

***

Waking up with his daughters still cuddled against him started Spencer’s day off with a smile.

They both grumbled as his alarm rudely awoke them and he had to free his arm from beneath Daisy's head so he could shut it off.

He kissed them both on the crown before helping them up right and motioning them off to shower and dress for school.

After showering and dressing himself he made the girls breakfast, dropped them at school before dropping Taco at the kennel and continuing the drive to work.

It was only when he was alone in his car that his happiness started to fade as he thought about the possibility of bumping into you.

He wondered if you noticed he wasn’t there yesterday and if you did, if you’d realised it was because of you.

He had an overwhelming urge to turn the car around and go home, maybe spend the entire day in bed wallowing again.

But he had to see you eventually. With any luck he’d be able to avoid you.

But apparently luck wasn’t on his side.

He arrived at his office to find you leaning up against the wall next to his door. He kept his eyes down while he fumbled with his keys, trying to pretend he didn’t see you.

“Feeling better?” Your tone wasn’t as sweet as usual, he heard your frustration laced in your words.

“Uh yeah. Thanks. Must have been like a twenty four hour bug thing.” He got the door unlocked and headed inside, you followed him. “Is there something I can help you with?”

You rolled your eyes, folding your arms across your chest.

“Do you read your emails?” You clucked, clearly not happy about having to converse with him.

“Yes?” He frowned.

“Clearly not.” You scoffed. “Monroe is out sick, like actually sick not whatever you claim to have been. He’s gonna be gone for at least a week. So I’m your new TA for the time being.”

“I don’t need a TA.” He shook his head.

“Too bad. I’m not letting our break up get in the way of my career. So get over it.” You spat.

“Super,” Spencer rounded his desk. “Just super.”

So much for avoiding you.

He slid into the chair behind his desk and you took a seat on the other side. He slid a stack of paper towards you without looking at you.

“You can read over these papers until class starts. I haven’t gotten around to grading them and I’d like to hear your input.” He spoke, grabbing his own pile.

You nodded but didn’t speak, picking up the first paper from the stack and starting to read. Spencer did the same only he couldn’t concentrate with you sitting on the other side of his desk.

He felt like he was being punished by the universe. What had he done that was so terrible that this was his cosmic retribution?

He sighed to himself, turning away from the papers and switching on his computer. He pulled up his work emails and low and behold there was one waiting for him from yesterday regarding Monroe’s absence and your appointment to be his TA in the interim.

He flicked through a few more emails before pulling up the web browsing and typing in the address for a local realtor.

He looked up homes in his neighbourhood and price range while you continued to read through student papers.

He didn’t look at you once. And you returned the favour.

***

By the end of the week Spencer was more than ready for the weekend. He’d had to spend nearly every minute of his work days with you and the two of you had only exchanged a handful of words.

On Friday afternoon he sent you home with a pile of papers he’d already graded for you to look over.

Spending that much time around you and not being able to talk to you like he used to was as exhausting as it was heartbreaking. Whenever you looked at him it was with disdain, when you spoke he heard the hurt in your voice.

Spencer wanted nothing more than to be the person to take away your pain, not be the one to cause it. Simply being work colleagues wasn’t enough.

But he’d made his bed and he had to lie in it.

With any luck Monroe would be back on Monday and if he wasn’t then there was only one week left of the semester anyway. He just had to make it through one more week.

Perhaps if he wasn’t seeing you everyday, when he could put some distance between you for the summer, it would help to mend his shattered heart. Maybe by the time September rolled around the two of you would be able to be friends.

As much as he would miss you during the summer he knew it was for the best, he needed to heal and he needed to focus on his girls.

Just one more week.

By the time the weekend came he’d already had a few realtors around to value his home and on Saturday Lily spent the afternoon with Kristy and the Simmons two girls while Spencer went to look at potential new houses.

He’d tried to get Daisy to stay with her sister but she’d been adamant about helping him choose their new home. Admittedly he did need all the help he could get.

So with that in mind he’d asked Penelope to come along too. The bubbly blonde had been more than happy to house hunt with him and spend more time with her goddaughter.

The three of them looked at six houses in the neighbourhood and each one of them Spencer had turned his nose up at. Every positive thing Penelope or Daisy had to say about them, Spencer countered with something negative.

After the sixth house he’d snubbed, they went for coffee before the final viewing of the day. Penelope and Daisy looked, quite rightly, fed up, while they drank their respective drinks and ate slices of pie.

“Remind me again what was wrong with number three?” Garcia asked, snapping Spencer’s attention away from the printout he’d been looking at for the next and final house they were going to see.

“It was too…bright.” He shrugged, picking up his mug and taking a sip of coffee.

“What’s wrong with bright?” Daisy spoke with a mouthful of blueberry pie.

“It was airy, there’s nothing wrong with it being airy.” Garcia stirred her tea.

“What about that last one? The bedrooms were huge! So much bigger than my bedroom now.” Daisy grinned.

“The yard was tiny.” Spencer scoffed.

“The yard was not tiny.” Penelope rolled her eyes.

“It’s smaller than my yard now. And we have a dog, remember?” Spencer looked back at his printout.

“You have a very small dog who does not need a huge yard.” Penelope sighed deeply. “Spence, what’s really going on? All six of those houses were lovely.”

Spencer looked back up and swallowed, glancing between Penelope and Daisy. Daisy huffed out a breath, knowing exactly what that look meant.

He had something to say that he didn’t want to say in front of her. She got the hint, pushed her chair back and stood up.

“I need to use the bathroom.” She didn’t, but if Penelope could talk some sense into him maybe she wouldn’t have to keep looking at houses with her dad until she was fifty years old.

Daisy took her leave and Spencer sighed as he watched her go.

“I know Daisy seems ok with this, but is she really? And Lily? I haven’t stopped to ask Lily about this. Am I really going to pull them away from their childhood home? They grew up in that house, I just don’t know if this is a good idea. I don’t think they’re ready.” He shook his head, picking his coffee mug back up.

“They aren’t ready, or you aren’t?” Garcia raised an eyebrow at him over her bright blue framed glasses.

“Why wouldn’t I be ready? It was my idea.” He scoffed, looking away from her which told her he was lying.

“Spence, it’s ok to be unsure about this. It’s a big deal, moving out of that house that you and Maeve brought together.” She spoke softly, she hoped encouragingly.

When Spencer’s eyes landed back on her they looked a little misty.

“It shouldn’t be a big deal.” He croaked. “She cheated on me, I should want to get out of that house, right?”

“Emotions are complicated, boy wonder.” She shrugged meekly.

His lip twitched a little at the corner at her use of his nickname. She’d called him it since they’d met, when he was a fresh faced twenty something. Now in his mid forties with two kids, it felt strange still being called it. But he enjoyed it anyway.

“If I move,” he took a sip of coffee, perhaps trying to buy himself some time. “I have to pack up that house, go through all the memories. There are boxes of stuff in the attic, photo albums, Maeve kept boxes of ticket stubs and receipts from movies and dinners we went to that I’m pretty sure are up there somewhere. All the kids baby stuff from back when things were good between us.

And then there’s other stuff. In the kitchen there’s a red wine stain behind the fridge. We only moved it there to cover the mark. It was our eighth wedding anniversary and JJ had the girls and we came home from dinner and got a little…frisky. I got carried away and spilled her wine everywhere.

In the living room there’s a mark on the wall behind the coat stand from where I’d just gotten home from work one day, back when I worked at the BAU and the kids were asleep. She, uh, surprised me by dropping to her knees while I was still in the doorway and I reached out to grab something and knocked the coat rack over, which in turn knocked over a photo and marked the wall.

There’s scuffs on the wall behind the headboard from…well I think that’s pretty explanatory. There’s other things too, not all sexual. There’s a dent behind a painting in the hall from where she threw her shoe at me during a fight, stuff like that.

But it’s all memories, you know? Memories I thought we’d look back on together when we were old and Daisy and Lily had moved out. I never expected it to be like this, and the thought of moving out and having to face all that on my own…”

He finally trailed off, surprising Garcia with his honesty. She hadn’t expected any of that, thought he might skirt around the issue. For a moment she found herself speechless by what he’d said, but she forced herself to speak.

“You’re not on your own, Spencer.” She reached across the table and put her hand on top of his. “Just because you left the BAU, doesn’t make us any less family. We will all be there to help you if that’s what you need. You’re never on your own, ok?”

Spencer nodded, blinking rapidly to try and clear his eyes of tears. Daisy skulked back over, sliding back into her chair and he removed his hand from Garcia’s.

“Everything ok?” Daisy asked, tucking back into her pie.

“Everything’s just fine, pumpkin.” Spencer looked at the printout and balled it up in his hands, making both Daisy and Penelope frown.

“What are you doing?” Garcia grabbed the paper from his hand.

“I don’t need it.” He shook his head. You liked the last house, Daisy? You think your sister will like it?”

“We’d both get bigger bedrooms.” Daisy nodded. “And it’s super close to school, I could walk from there. And Meredith only lives two blocks away.”

“Ok.” He took a sip of his coffee. “Then I’ll call the realtor and I’ll make an offer.”

Penelope and Daisy exchanged a look of slight disbelief and confusion. When they looked back at Spencer, he had a determined look on his face.

He finished his coffee and stood up, pulled his phone out of his pocket and headed towards the cafe door. Daisy and Penelope watched him go.

“What did you say to him, Aunty Penny?” Daisy gasped a little, looking back at her aunt.

“He just needed a little reminder that his family had his back.” Garcia smiled, taking Daisy’s hand and giving it a soft squeeze. “Do me a favour though?”

“What’s that?”

“Just keep an eye on your dad for me. He pretends to be strong for you and your sister but he’s a lot more fragile than you’ll ever know. Just keep an eye on him, ok?”

“Ok.” Daisy nodded, watching her dad through the window as he paced the street with his phone to his ear.

She knew what her aunt was saying was true, her dad was fragile even if he’d never admit it. But as long as she was his daughter, he would never be alone, she would make sure of it.

After everything he’d done for her in her life, it was the least she could do to return the favour.

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tooweirdforyou · 4 months

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Will u not come back? :((((

hello, anon! hope you’re doing well and apologies for the late response. I hope you see this! ❤️

so, I guess this will be my answer and also my first post in about a year or so.. Im not gonna make any excuses or whatever, and cut straight to the point.

Bit of a long post but it will explain most things without being too personal just because it’s been a long time and part of me feels as though I lost that respect and privilege of being comfortable and being myself around you guys. Anyone and everyone who stayed or is a newcomer to my account.

It’s the new year. Here’s how I’ll answer you.

Do I wish to come back? Yes.

Have I been actively attempting to come back? Yes and no. I have been attempting to work on chapters for my Quotev books, but lots of writers block and just pure unmotivated to continue with where I am. Knowing it can be better if I were to redo it, continue with force or if I simply make a new book, (( which due to my imagination and inspiration by things I’ve come across, I keep wanting to start new books. ))

Have things drastically changed for me as I’ve been away? Yeah, kinda. I mean, things are getting a little more difficult for me, I won’t go into too much detail but it’s been really difficult for me personally the last several months. I’ve never been consistent in my feelings and almost always ended up more numb, empty and sad. And some days it would be so bad that I couldn’t be alone and had to be in a room with another person I knew. I’m really working on it but it really isn’t something that just goes away, as most of may or may not understand.

Am I still dating? Yes! I’m still very happy with the guy I’ve known and started dating last year and in fact, we’ll be hitting our two years very soon. I know this may be personal but I kinda just wanted an excuse to talk about him, haha.

Now, am I still writing? / interested in writing? Definitely. I just have huge motivation problems but I definitely still love that creative form of expressing your imagination into words and making a story. The problem is that I have all these ideas and it just sucks to have to do all this beginning stuff instead of making the reader or OC in love with the person already!! 😂 but yes. I honestly do love to write still and my boyfriend tries to encourage and supports me but it’s really my own fault.

do I still Roleplay? I remember mentioning this and then making an separate acc for this but never really interacted with it often because at the time I was busy. And now, I don’t anymore because it makes my boyfriend jealous, haha. I do miss it though :)

Do I still go on tumblr? Every once in a while, which is like every two weeks or so? Or just under two weeks or sometimes longer. It depends. But yes, I do check and I do love to read every new comment and message I get, I just don’t respond to it because I’m honestly a little scared.

Will I come back? I want to. I really do. But there’s a few factors that come into play-

- so much time has passed that I worry I no longer have like a mutual bond with you all and that it’s too late for me to come back and just pretend like everything is fine. It’s not. I’m worried it’s too late to just start writing again, I guess I’m nervous? I missed being able to be comfortable and be myself on here but I don’t know. I think my time has passed.

- not only that, I don’t quite know how to use tumblr anymore.

- I can’t stick to one fandom, just like my mood swings, my current obsession changes so often that I’m worried I won’t be able to keep up with certain works or keep everyone happy with my work.

- I don’t know if I should continue mt old works ( ones on Quotev )?

Start new ones?

Go back to scenarios and oneshots like I used to?

Refresh on tumblr and continue here again?

Move to AO3?

It’s the new year and I do want to better myself and change and I really hope that that means I can start over with myself and my writings once again.

I missed all my comments and messages and having mutuals and interacting with everyone. It makes me feel connected and honestly little less lonely when my boyfriend has his long busy hours..

But to finally answer properly. Yes, I want to come back but I honestly don’t know where to start or if I can.

I’ll be checking tumblr so if anyone has any questions, comments or suggestions or whatever you wish to tell me, I will be here. Maybe by next month I’ll have an answer of what I’ll be doing in regards to writing. Whether I take any advice from you guys or make my own decision.

im very deeply sorry for my absence. I hope this answers everyone’s thoughts.

sending lots of love. ❤️ thank you to everyone.

#tooweirdforyou

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skiesandflowerss · 1 year

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sky, i am kind of going through a writer's block and it is bothering me. do you have any ideas that i can write on? any prompts? and pov's you'd like to read that i can write? any emotion that i can write on? and fictional scene? anything? any ideas are welcomed! but of course, no pressure to come up with ideas if that'd cost you lots of energy and time. you can choose to ignore this ask as well, no problem at all. thank you. <3

and i hope you are doing well! and, also, life update. i got done with almost all of my interviews last month, so i have been very free and living these slow days without any care. it's been fun ngl but some days i get a little sad because of the lack of events in my life. anyway, next month it'd be decided which college i'd be going to for my post grad. i really really hope i get a good one! :" and i read and watched a couple of things during this free period, and they were all so good. makes me fall in love with life when i come across things that capture all my attention and make me appreciate art and the people behind it. :")

Imaaa, I don't know if i will be able to help you much here cause I haven't picked up a book to read in a while and honestly my mind is all blank these days but I do have some suggestions or lines or povs you might can write on, I hope they help you:

'You're far away,' she says, returning you to the present. 'Don't hide from me.'

You have never loved from a distance, but then you have never known love like this. You want to tell yourself, and her, that it will be OK, that nothing will change, but you don't know.

You are ending the summer, wondering how it is possible to miss someone before they have gone. There are lives moving around you but they are of little concern.

Have you ever been afraid of what lies within you, what you're capable of?

You can't live in a vacuum. And when you let people in and you make yourself vulnerable, they're able to have an effect on you. If that makes sense.'

To live with other people is to be responsible for protecting them from your moods.

It was so gorgeous that it almost felt like sadness.

Maybe I was afraid of seeing anything as absolute. I wanted to keep moving, like a stream, and I wanted to go on watching everything from a distance.

Truly happy memories always live on, shining. Over time, one by one, they come back to life.

I've always been like that—if I'm not pushed to the brink, I won't move.

What a pain I thought, wondering why everyone felt such a need for reassurance.

(Ps: these are all quotes from the books I read last year and also I read a book Open Water by Caleb Azumah Nelson last year which kind of gave me many ideas to write on like this book helped me write quite vividly and this book is hardly of 130 pages so I would suggest you to give it a read in your spare time, I think it will help you come out of the block)

and I'm doing fine, my exams are close so I'm not doing any extra activity which is basically reading these days but yeah and glad to hear that you are finally over your a-little-stressful-cum-eventful-days and do enjoy your mellow days and summers are here so do have a fun time attempting activities that can attract your creative brain and yes you have had quite a busy month so do relax and take care of yourself. Hoping that you get to choose your desired college and have a great time pursuing your masters. Sending you positivity, hugs and sunshine 🌻🌻🌻

(another ps: I will keep adding lines or prompts as I get time and ideas)

#imaaa my pretty little amazing writer #hope you get over this block as soon as possible #have a memorable summer #have a memorable time in college too #writing prompt #skiesandflowerss

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exrocist · 9 months

Text

tag game: 3 books, 3 movies, and 3 songs

that changed your life or you just love.

Tagged by @zhabk4, thank youuu U__U <333 I don't usually do these (though it always makes me happy to get tagged!) but I was like. nnrrghhh must talk about Earthsea. soo.

(lots of rambling below the cut little bit embarrassed!!!!)

Books:

The Farthest Shore by Ursula K. Le Guin ; Nothing I say about this book (this series!) can do it justice honestly everyone on the Earth should read Earthsea. like really really read it patiently and intensely and with a savor because you will never encounter reality so closely and clearly ever again. everything about it is real to me but this book particularly struck me just because. well. lebannen. a force undeniable. I didn't know I was capable of loving so deeply and profoundly until I knew him. he is the best. I love you Lebannen 💥💥💥 I love everything about these books honestly. immense grace aside that shit also inspired perhaps the most intense and creatively demanding period of my life & broke down a lot of the mental partitions that I had constructed around what my hands are capable of. And I am still really bobbing through the wake of even now. Hopefully more marvelous things to come. There is much more strength to be drawn from this place yet if I can stomach it. sighs.

Death with Interruptions by José Saramago ; My words are failing me here but like. Saramago's voice and style have become real fixtures for me. I need to read a Saramago at least once every few months or my life loses its musicality. This is where I started with him so it gets to be on the list but Cain is also a great one for many many many more reasons that would be toooo much talking. for me to post.

I feel like by law I have to put Plato's Republic here which like. honestly not the most philosophically valuable work or even my drug of choice these days but was a thirteen year old's first inquest into the field that would become his only scholastic passion. so ! (He didn't even know he would have to read it seven times during his undergrad 😭) but if we want another novel to put here maybe We Need to Talk about Kevin by Lionel Shriver (mostly because of one sequence but also Shriver's great at writing in the voice of wry & cerebral women whose sentimentality is kind of shielded by their overt insight it gives them real internal lushness).

Honorable mention also to Isaac Asimov's I, Robot and subsequent novels of Asimov's future chronology which are currently fucking me up beyond measure. My recommendation here is read I, Robot (Or The Complete Robot!) and maaaybe Caves of Steel (tightly written marvel with only forgivable weaknesses of unprobed psychologies) and then stop. Just don't keep going okay. I've also had um Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal by Christopher Moore still swimming around in my mind despite having finished it a good while ago.

Movies:

Uhhh I don't w.atch. errr. Movies I can think of that I've watched just at all of my own volition: Raw (2016). good experience but didn't move me hugely taboo-pushing which is awesome conceptually but not in the right ways for me idk. not a bad movie at all though definitely some kind of stupid elements at play as well.

Uhhhhhhhhh.

?????????

Songs

Spent Gladiator 2 - The Mountain Goats ; I know I know I'm sorry I'm so trite and pedestrian but like. song with a non-negligible influence on me NOT killing myself <3

Wait List - All Get Out ; song with a non-negligible influence on me actively killisdukydhkuhldfhuik

I/m Not Here [missing face] - The Twilight Sad ; idk is this even a song I could live without. could I have the strength to do anything if not for this five minute dronefest. they need to start creating standardized ritual/ecstatic behaviors for the tracks off this album.

Honorable mentions: San Fermin's The Woods (if you were to ask me about artists they would most definitely be very much up there... Mr. Ludwig-Leone's artistry has been cradling me for a very long time), Say Yes to Everything by We Cut Corners (best band ever ever ever!!!), Topography by Civilian, Dump Your Dreams by A.S. Fanning (i love music).

I did badly at this but I think I made up for not having any movies by talking so much elsewhere. ermmm.

Only tagging @twilitfossil (Jesse Pinkman voice) do it bitchhhhhh also @ataliaf but only if you want to n__n <3333

#mine #can you tell i've been talking to myself all day every day for over three weeks #and I have so many words stowed up #koma also I'm reading a Murakami right now!! never touched any of the ones you mentioned/recced but I like working my way through entire #corpuses so perhaps I'll get around to it in some time :) I'm looking forward to it

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mistertf2xreaderfluffballcake · 2 years

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Could you do mercs x reader who is homesick and just generally missing their home and family? Thanks have a good day!!!:))

OHHH! Interesting. Honestly kinda can relate. Sometimes you just miss those that you care deeply about. Anyway, enjoy~!

Scout

He saw you feeling down!! *GASP* He literally ran to you as soon as he saw the sad expression on your face. Are you okay babe? You then explained how you felt. Oh...Come over here, babe. Scout then comforted and cuddled with you. Its okay babe...do you want to talk about your home and family? *nods* Ok *adjust cuddle position so that his back doesnt hurt* I am all ears. You two then talked about your funny family memories. You felt better now :)

Soldier

He saw you train with a sad expression. Nope. He dragged you out. What`s wrong cupcake? *after explaining* HHMMM SO YOU MISS HOME? HMM OH! He then picked you up and ran to his room!? He then plopped you on his bed. STAY. He then ran out after a few moments he brought your comfort food/snacks. YOU CAME FROM *Insert the home name* RIGHT? yeah? CAN YOU TALK ABOUT IT? That whole day you talked about your favorite things about home. He listened very well, and he would ask questions too. It was a good day.

Pyro

Pyro saw a tiny bit of sadness in your beautiful eyes!!! !? Pyro made you take a break from work. Pyro then brought you to their room where there are all the comfort objects, etc. They then hugged you and patted your head. You then talked about your family and home. Pyro just silently listened and nodded. You both did a fun little activity! You drew your favorite things about home and pyro drew about pyroland and then you show to each other after a certain amount of minutes! It was fun, you drew your favorite thing, your family, the house, everything! After 45 min of fun drawing, it was time to show! You both showed it to each other and explained what it was. Well, that was fun :))

Engi

Engi started to feel something off about you...such as how you came to his workplace less and less each day. And found you in your room looking blankly at the wall. Engi was worried. Did somethin to my sweetheart? He visited your room and asked what had happened. You slowly explained how you felt. Engi quietly listened while patting your back. Oh, I am sorry you feel this way sweetheart, do you wanna go to my workplace and talk about our home country? *nods* Ok, let's go. *hold hand softly while walking to workplace* Engi cheered you instantly. Engi shared terrific stories about his engineering training, the funny machine fails, discoveries, and more! No way that machine screw landed in your coffee mug perfectly!!!! Hehe, I know! It must have been my lucky weird day! *After talking some more* Thanks for cheering me up engi! Of course sweetheart! But remember that you can talk to me anytime, I will always be there for you!

Heavy

He kinda knew how you felt. when you told him about it. He really understood. He too also missed his family, his home, their smile... He then started talk about his family, and how their cooking was always so comforting. You also talked about your family`s signature dish that you loved. It was nice connecting and listening to each other talk about the home that they dearly love. He then decided to make your home dish. Since he listen properly he got the idea of what it was, and he even bought a cookbook/recipe for it. Then the next day when you woke up you saw heavy making it early in the morning. You then joined him and made a nice dish. All those memories just flooded your heart...I love them so much...

Demoman

He saw you looked sad. He immediately stopped whatever he was doing (probably drinking.) You look like you are feeling down love. Is everything all right? After explaining he understood quite well. He also missed the days at home. So, he cheered you up! he shared his story and you shared yours and cracked jokes. You both decided to write a letter home! :) You both carefully wrote your letter and you both went to the post office holding hands. Do you think they will be happy receiving the letter? OF COURSE, they will! I bet ya they will be super happy receiving a letter from such a cute and lovely person like you!

Sniper

He noticed how quiet you were. It was a bit worrying. So he asked. You explained how you missed your home. He then gave you a nice hug. I understand you love. That almost made you tear up. Sniper then got all of your comfort food and just chilled on top of his van. Just listening to nature. You both just talked about how the home was and weird mythical legends you have heard of when you were at home. That mythical legend you just talked about...there is no way that it is true!! I know haha I don't know why I believed it and actually got scared! You both were laughing at silly memories it was lovely sharing memories about home, especially with somebody you love.

Medic

He saw you avoiding everyone. Even him!! Were you mad at him? But just one glance at you and boom therapist medic mode: ON He knew you were sad even if you say you weren't. Your body language, expression, everything was a sign of sadness and he was not going to let this slide. he is going to make his lover happy :<. You eventually revealed why you were sad. He then brought you to the med bay. He then just comforted you, he even made you some tea and cookies. It was nice, the medic patting your head and you patting Archimedes. Head part chain

Spy

He dragged you into his smoking room, something was up with you, whenever the other brought up about their family/home you looked sad. He then asked what was wrong, after explaining he just instantly bought all of your home country's food. Oh, is your favorite fruit a fruit that can only grow in your home country? Well well, now it is in front of you in a snap of fingers. Once he saw your bright smile remembering your home it was a sign of relief for him. It was wonderful. Just talking to him while eating/drinking your favorite home country snacks and tea. You felt nice and happy. Ever since when spy saw his lovely lover sad he will make sure to order home snacks, he may even make some. :)

Oh~This was so fun. Even made me remember my home! I miss my home so much! I hope you guys are doing well even through the toughest times!

#asks #tf2 x reader #tf2 scout x reader #tf2 soldier x reader #tf2 pyro x reader #tf2 heavy x reader #tf2 demoman x reader #tf2 sniper x reader #tf2 medic x reader #tf2 spy x reader #tf2 engineer x reader

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taegularities · 1 year

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Ah Rid, you don't have to worry about me truly. I've just been in my feels recently and especially tonight. I hope this little ramble doesn't just pile on bad vibes onto you when you're already feeling down because that's the last thing I want 🥺🥺🥺 But I guess it's better if I don't just let these thoughts fester in my head huh?

It's really not even anything that bad or big, but lately I've just felt quite... lonely irl. Or maybe more like craving deeper human connection? Because I do have people around me that I talk to and hang out with but it doesn't exactly feel enough. And thinking about it more it doesn't even have to be romantic (although that's where my brain went to at first) but just something closer, more intimate and personal.

All of that had me thinking back to the many friendships I've been in in the past years and how the atmosphere in a lot of them was very negative, so that's why I kept changing friend groups a lot. And then I was finally in a place where I had two very close girl friends and everything was so positive and uplifting, it was really nice. We naturally drifted apart and I'm fine with that, I just miss that closeness and positive energy, that connection and feeling of knowing each other so well.

And I was so excited to start uni because I actually love the process of initially getting to know people too, but now I just want something more 😔😔😔

I feel like that's definitely something that I should actively be building up too though so it feels like if it makes me so sad, why aren't I doing something about it yk? That's something I should probably think about more, how to make it happen. I just feel like not only do I want more love to be given to me, but also even more like I have so much love to give and nobody to give it to.

That being said I'm grateful for all of the people in my life. And feeling like this recently has made me appreciate everybody I've met online so so so much more than I already was. Everyone here, including you, Rid, makes me feel so so very happy and loved. It's just not easy when one of my main love languages is physical touch and everyone's all over the world and I can't actually hug you lmao.

I reeeeally wasn't sure if I should ramble to you because as I said, I didn't want to add onto your bad feelings, but I don’t think I can really say this to anyone else without feeling silly and I believe in the benefit of letting your feelings out. So thank you as always for listening, Rid. Please don't feel obligated to reply or anything if you don't have the emotional energy, it just feels good to put these thoughts out there.

I truly believe that we'll all be okay very very soon. I'm sending you the biggest hugs and all of the love in the world 💞💞💞

awh god, bby :((

reading this made me so sad. don't feel bad about it, it just means i care btw! i just hate that so many people have been feeling that way. i honestly get that 100% bc i too have been feeling a lot like this in the past few months.

loneliness sucks. sometimes you want to talk about something, but you don't know with whom. or sometimes, you want to go for lunch or dinner or go see a movie but can't figure out who to ask. i get it... i think there's always a point in life when loneliness strikes hardest, but i think we need to keep in mind that it's not our fault, or at least not always.

like, you said you know you could change it if you just tried, or that you need to push yourself harder. which is good. it's always great to acknowledge what can be done. but, and i always tell that myself too, it's not always easy and that's okay!! don't put yourself down. like, opening up can be fkn hard, especially after this stupid pandemic, so it's genuinely okay if it takes some time, you know? i was excited for uni as well bc i thought i could finally make new friends, but then you enter the room and just... ugh it's hard. ofc we crave intimate relationships of any kind, and yes friendships drift apart, but finding new ones just requires patience i think.

those are all things i tell myself daily. bc otherwise id spiral more lol and yes i'm so so thankful for everyone here, too. i love all my virtual moots and friends and readers and everyone, but it stinks that i can't hug anyone, so yeah ofc we'd want that irl warmth.

it'll happen !! take your time, dive into relationships step by step, doesn't have to happen overnight. there's this jk biased army girl, right? try with her if you'd like, but don't push yourself too hard. be comfortable. and also, never feel bad for venting, bc while i worry, your pain won't add to mine. like, i like to help.. so it's alright, anytime. and yeah, we'll be okay, at least at some point, you're right my love 💕

#love love love u 💕#i was gonna say more but it's almost 3am again jdjshdhs but i wanted to answer !!!#notes for rid 🌹#ivi <3 #it's literally like i wrote this ask #long ask

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sparatus · 2 years

Note

heyy

💋(or suitable turian alternative)🍦💖💞 (I think I know who but feel free to babble about them I'm all ears)

hell yeah thank u 💍

Fanfic Emoji Asks

💋 First kiss fics. Love em or hate em?

LOVE LOVE LOVE god i need to write more im so weak, especially for when it's two characters who've been friends a long time but haven't been able to bring themselves to admit their feelings until at some point everything comes to a head in an emotional moment and AUGH YES

🍦 What's the sweetest fic you've created so far?

i already answered this one here but let's be honest i've got a lot of soft sweet shit under my belt, lol. Where the Wind Rests definitely gets a shout-out, part of a series and has spoilers for the end of broken mirror but god tender reunions and marriage proposals my beloveds. i went looking through my desabrudas stuff to pick one out but honestly any of the stuff i wrote about them post-shanxi with kids is just pure cavity fodder, i need to write them more everything is oLD

💖 What made you start writing?

i used to be a semi-famous rper in the facebook rp community (back in. 2012. yes it was a thing fb used to be an easy haven for rp) for a. certain anime community i'm not going to mention you must be at least a level 3 friend to learn this fact. but that started it, and then i had a couple friends from that community who helped foster that and got me writing - i have an old twilight spitefic still up on ao3 (do not read it. cannot emphasize enough it's very old and i was mimicking smeyer's writing style and the characters have evolved since then) that was inspired by one of those friends!!

i got started writing mass effect specifically because my partner @lightspeedpowerpunk was writing a fic about our ocs, which eventually grew into Rise & Reign (we're rewriting it soon i prommy plans are in the works i miss my dumb stupid boys) and around chapter. idk, 10?? 12 or so?? i started contributing to writing it myself, and that just kinda kickstarted everything. everybody say thank you to the ogs axilus and thie'haasn for my [checks notes] jesus christ 84 mass effect works on ao3

💞 Who's your comfort character?

m. many,,,,, definitely cnclr sparatus, obviously, and also my oc for his wife, aediteia. the way i've written sparky has taken nearly the full 8 years i've been in this fandom to slowly build, and he's very near and dear to my heart. conversely, teia has also grown along with him, and their narratives both personal and together touch on a lot of things that are somewhat personal to me and my own growth as a person.

in the same vein, the arterius brothers also count - i can look back and see how the way i've written saren has changed over the years as i myself have grown. i write him less depressed now, he has a support system, in yes-reapers yes he's still having a Bad Time because sovereign is fucking him up and the reapers are tied to his brother's death but it's less. idk. gloom and doom emo sadboi 24/7, he's allowed to have moments of peace now. desolas in particular i've kinda realized is also reflecting a lot about myself, ESPECIALLY in no-reapers. his arc in my no-reapers au, and in fact a major theme of the entire series, is all about recovery from trauma and how our choices make us who we are; no-reapers desolas has been through a lot of shit, so much, 89 years of it, from his parents being killed to having to help his baby brother through his own trauma to his career to 314 and everything in-between, and he's been in a really bad place and learned really bad habits and attitudes, but after shanxi he makes the active choice to grow and move on, at first just because valis needs him but with therapy also comes to do it just for himself because he's tired of being sad and hurt and angry. and that's a very personal story for me, even tho i certainly didn't set out intending des of all assholes to be the one carrying most of my weight, lol.

nihlus and (valis) abrudas are also in the same boat, characters who've been through a lot of shit and got mad about it and have their own ways of dealing with it. something that's going to become apparent to shepard in itlog is that saren was nihlus's morality chain, not the other way around - saren played a large part in nihlus learning to heal from his father's death and move on as a person, and now that he's been hurt in this whole thing nihlus is starting to slide back into old habits. valis, on the other hand, is the lone sane man in the whole clan, trying to keep her head on straight and above water while her friends and loved ones are drowning, and i've had to be that friend myself and boy i really do appreciate that kind of character, especially for somebody like desolas who's been drowning so long he's forgotten what the surface looks like.

god i have so many emotions and thoughts about sparkyteia and the desabrudas/kryterius group (i like to call des + valis + saren the evolution trio, personally, as they're all in it, but nihlus makes a proper group name hard :lmfao:) they're all my comfort characters i come back to them every time when i get stuck in my head and start Thinking About Stuff i probably have others but this is already rEALLY LONG,

#press conference #callista-curations

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mangosimoothie · 2 years

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ik u said to ignore it but i cant ignore it because im a natural snoop and i fucking love reading tags. its where people show their colors and i think everyone has a rainbow inside them. which prompts me to say that u dont have to answer this. hell, u can ignore this.

anyway, maybe its coz im using tumblr wrong. i literally only come here to grab some *feels* (good and bad) at the popular reblogs and then occasionally join in the simblr "oooh" and "gaaah!!" eras that i feel like im missing out on what u call the Back in the Day tumblr era. tumblr was advertised to me as a blogging site so like lmfao.

maybe its also because of the power of the anon feature that i can actually make myself be able to enter ur ask box without feeling too shy or scared that im here to comment on ur post. is it because we're far too scared to interact beyond the comments or is it because drama (not sure if theres a better word for it, controversy maybe?) has scarred us and being able to comment on things without the anon feature kind of scares us all now?

regarding simblr drama posts that blow up, u could probably also contribute it to bandwagon, right? like obv, its not the only reason it blows up but bandwagon helps. its far too easy to join in the opinion that everyone agrees on and parrot it around. like idk if im making sense but isnt it kinda easier to "not have an opinion" but rb that other person's opinion/fact that the rest of the community has deemed correct or right as if its your own (ok maybe this sentence sounds bad and i could probably phrase it as "i have an opinion about it but this other person has worded it so perfectly that i will rb this instead". anyway i'll leave it in coz the previous one could be true to some people). not that its bad, im honestly glad most of us agree on smth, it just sometimes loses that sense of discussion u probably meant if we're all just parroting everything.

i mean, i've seen it happen. especially during certain major events here where my dash was full of the same post being reblogged by myself and a couple others with no additional ideas (even tags sometimes, like i said i love tags i think tags hold a lot of unspoken but spoken ideas if u get it).

i had a point here somewhere. anyway what i meant to say was, i think i have similar feelings with u regarding discussions (lmfao look at this long post). but im far too scared to get out of anon to actually have it with u or anyone else in simblr.

have a good day/night tho :"D

Hahah no thank you for snooping on my tags 😅 what I meant to say is, I notice that most engagement happens through likes instead of comments, which is just really frustrating because yeah, I am used to tumblr being more of a forum so likes feel very empty to me. Unless it’s “”drama”” then yeah like you said, people are more inclined to comment. Like my first post that blew up was literally just “not someone charging $3 for sims nipples” or st like that which was really funny but also a little sad bc I would’ve loved to engage like that on posts I actually cared about and that weren’t just me being cheeky lol. That said, I understand what you mean about feeling too shy. I asked about this earlier - why ask questions on anon if they’re not mean - and for most people yeah, it boiled down to being shy or not wanting to seem over eager. But I LOVE when people are eager about my nonsense, I LOVE when people ramble like this in tags or comments or my inbox about my story/sims. That is the sole thing that’s kept me active here tbh - the couple people who comment and send me asks instead of just throwing a like here and there. I’ve been told many times that engagement on simblr is a lot lower than it used to be which is a little discouraging. I’ll look at my friends with large blogs and even though their stories get 100s of likes there’s still only 2-5 comments! I’d be pulling my hair out!! Maybe it’s a pet peeve that’s kinda specific to me lol but it does bother me sometimes especially when I put a q like hey tell me what you thought about x or whatever the case may be. Like even going so far as to be like “instead of a like tell me about x :) “ and that still not working. I guess that’s just not the way people engage on tumblr anymore :/ 🤷🏾‍♀️

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starlightfantasy · 1 year

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Hey! Long time no talk, sorry about that! It’s been crazy over here with the holidays and work. I hope all is well with you!!

I totally get what you mean about music. I adore music, but a lot of newer music (at least music in my country) doesn’t give me the same feeling older music does. Kpop in all its extravagance really gets me, and it makes me feel - whether it be happy sad etc. it’s fun! Which is what I think a lot of new music is missing.

Voodoo Doll by Vixx is soooo good. Love how dark it is, I really wish more groups got that dark. The only one I can think of off the top of my head is Girls by Nature - the MV was way darker than I thought kpop mvs could be.

Also I’ve never been to Iceland but from the pictures I’ve seen it’s absolutely breathtaking! I don’t know much about their beliefs but elves and fairies are super cool so more power to them lol

And I think MX is pretty unique, but honestly I’d like to see them collab with Aespa - just for Jooheon lol I don’t know if you’ve seen but Jooheon’s Next Level obsession is hilarious. I don’t know how it’s sound musically but it’d be fun.

Also my bias is Wonho! Well, now that he’s gone from the group I’d say kihyun. But that changes like. Daily lol

I think a vacation with wonho would be super fun! Maybe exploring a city and going shopping. That or going out to drink with Changkyun and Jooheon.

What about you?

Also, if you could have a monsta x subunit, who would be in it and why? What would their album/mv be like?

- Mbb secret Santa 🎅

Dear friend! So glad to hear from you, I was getting worried. Ok, not really, because I have been equally busy. Holidays have started for us and I spent half a day yesterday locked in a car with my husband and kid as we left the country to visit my mother in law and therefore my free time has decreased exponentially…

It makes me happy to hear you love music too and I agree. Like 5 years ago I would still listen to the radio, now we only do it when we travel by car. For the rest I listen to Spotify and YouTube and that way I can choose what I hear.

Do you have playlists? If you have the time share a few of your favourite songs on your favourite playlist.

I has never seen girls by nature and I am very glad you told me of it! I really liked the song and the video is just my aesthetic!!!!

I looove fairy folklore, actually everything supernatural. I am sure it's the scorpio in me that is attracted to the dark and fantastic side of the world

I know Jooheon loves aespa and I guess a Collab with them would be nice!!! I know he'd have lots of fun with it.

We have great taste!!!! We both like Wonho!!! I'd say my second bias is honey, but the truth is that all of them are gorgeous and I love them lots. I will drool over the man who is in front of me. Lol

If I could have Wonho here… I'd take him for a Xmas trip. We'd go to the prettiest Christmas markets in Europe. I'd treat him to delicious food and warm drinks and we'd doo cheesy Xmas activities!!!!

A sub unit… that's a tough question!!! I love honey and I'M rapping, I also love that song that shownu and Minhyuk sing together and I love that Collab Hyungwon and Hongbin from vixx got for pepsi. Lol

But if I could choose..maybe I'd like min and nunu singing again. Something soft and romantic, but with a punch, so not a ballad.

Thanks a lot for finding the time to write to me even when you're busy, I really appreciate it and I understand that you're busy.

Have a great day or night and hopefully talk to you soon!

#MBBss #answered #lu replies

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ktclover · 2 years

Text

oh buddy, oh wow. I completely forgot about this account, and i’m sure i’m not the only one dusting off their blogs right about now, even though i have technically been on tumblr ~this whole time~ on a different account and been active (until my recent hiatus), just in a niche fandom. so i’m no stranger to this world, only this neighborhood.

In the time since my last post (five years!) I’ve moved to the east coast and have been working on finding myself again, which is still a fairly recent era in my life. noone missed much - those years were completely consumed by the Retail Saga, climbing the ropes of a shitty failing box store and finally letting go this past summer. i’ve taken more photos, made more art, and lived far much more life in the last four months than i have in the past five years.

i’ve been reinvesting myself in drawing and i’ve made multiple blogs over the years with the intent to start posting here, but while going down my email list to find the account with this url, i found this time capsule. honestly, i’m afraid to scroll through, it’s going to make me sad.

but that’s okay.

anyway, 2022 me is taking back this blog. i can’t remember if i was very personable before and deleted everything in between or if it was strictly a photo dump. i’m not really sure if i’ll get as personal as i have on ye old original accounts way back in the day, but i want a space less stiff than instagram to share my artwork.

i’ll probably spend the next couple days doing some housekeeping and queuing up some work. we’ll see how it goes.

after all, i’ll always have a soft spot for tumblr. it’s how i met my husband and made lifelong friends :-)

#COMIN OUT OF RETIREMENT #is there a tag for twitter converts #text post

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diavolosthots · 3 years

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Hey dear! I hope that you have a good time! I want to make a request, but please delete it if you don't feel like doing it.

I saved that request in the notes and been waiting for you to open them 😊

For request

First fight with brother (any of your choice) and one of them (I mean MC or that brother) thinks that it's end of relationship (because never had anything serious), but they reconciled in the end. I want some heavy angst with happy ending. MC can be GN if that is OK.

If you don't mind you can do for Mammon, but feel free to choose another one if you don't feel like write for him. Or if that would be better to write as headcanons for all the brothers. That's up to you!

I haven't been doing requests for ages. Please don't hate me if there is something wrong! I've read the rules, and I hope I haven't missed anything.

Anyway, sorry for long ask. And thank you for your writings!

(I forgot to look if you did anything similar, and remembered it at the end of writing that ask. Sorry if you already did something like that!)

Hey babes ❤ I did end up doing HCs for all of them because I thought it would be cooler (or more like I know someone is gonna request separate fics for all of them if I dont and I'm saving myself that trouble lol) I still hope you like it ! ❤ also this got SUPER LONG so its under a cut

Warning: angst -> happy ending-ish

THE BROTHERS in a fight with MC and thinking that they’re over (yikes)

Lucifer:

Everyone always says Lucifer is quick to lose his cool but he’s honestly been nothing but patient with you. He may have hinted at several things he doesn’t condone and he definitely has that ‘look’, you know the disappointed dad look, but he has held back a lot so as to not ruin the beautiful relationship you have with him. Everyone snaps, though, and when he finally did, it was ugly. He did NOT call you names, but oh he didn’t. He went straight for your feelings and pointed out every mistake you ever made for as long as he’s known you. Ouch. In his defense, you weren’t nice either. The argument ended nasty and ‘I hate you’s!’ were definitely thrown around, but none of them were meant, right? Goodness, he doesn’t know. After you left, he threw himself on his bed, literally, and just stared at the ceiling. His anger slowly fled away and he began to feel… guilty. Not necessarily because of the argument itself, but because he delivered some low blows and he knows that. Are you over? Done with him? You haven’t texted or called or talked… you’ve been actively avoiding him and he doesn’t like that, but his pride is such an issue, goodness. He can’t straight up apologize, that dickhead, but he’s sending you flowers and standing in front of your door with a sad face that says it all.

“Forgive me? I made reservations at your favorite’s? We can talk over a nice dinner?”

Mammon:

Mammon is known to get mildly agitated over the silliest things, let’s be real. He’s also quick to revert to the “are you dumb?!” argument, which is never effective. But he loves you and he would do anything for you so even if you do do something that he deems ‘dumb’, he usually bites his tongue. Doesn’t mean that doesn’t get on his nerves, though, and he definitely has a short temper, although people tend to overlook that. You just managed to push his buttons today and he used the “are ya stupid?!” argument, to which you obviously defended yourself, and rightfully so. This ended in a massive screaming match and him saying “Then leave! Ain’t nobody keepin’ ya with me!” He regretted it the minute those words left his mouth and you could see his eyes grow wide in shock at his own words, but that didn’t mean you stayed. “MC!” he tried running after you immediately but you were faster and honestly, who can blame you? He fucked up, and he knows it, and he feels terrible about it. Honestly, he’s crying just at the mere thought of you taking his words seriously and he can’t… he can’t bear to lose you, you know? What’s he gonna do? You’re the light of his life, as pathetic as that may sound to some…. So he won’t let you run away. Homie will hunt you down and beg for forgiveness.

“Please, MC! Forgive me! I’m dumb, not you!!! Don’t leave me…” Don’t leave him. He will continue crying.

Leviathan:

His constant need to put himself down is frankly, quite annoying. To you anyway. But you put up with it and just reassure him that, at least to you, he’s the most amazing demon that ever existed. It’s just facts. But a person only has so much patience, right? You can’t always spend your days trying to lift him up when all he does is dig himself a bigger hole. Who has the emotional time for that? You sure don’t. “Oh my God, Levi! Shut up! I can’t take it anymore!” Followed by “See! You’re just like everyone else! Leaving me!” and then you slamming the door to his room shut. It’s frustrating and understandably so. It makes you feel awful that you can’t even make your own boyfriend feel good about himself and get at least a little bit of self confidence and it’s so, so, so very draining to have to constantly listen to that. At this point, it’s affecting your own mental health and you just… you just can’t…. But Levi can’t lose you because he knows you’re right. He has to work on himself if he wants to keep someone as amazing as you with him and that’s why he’s crawling back to you now.

“Look I… I know you’re right… I’m sorry. I promise I’ll … I’ll try. For you.”

Satan:

For being the Avatar of Wrath, you always admired Satan for his ability to keep cool. He prefers the relaxed and easy going life much more than the type of life people expect him to live, and you respect that. That doesn’t mean his constant need to one up Lucifer, through whatever means necessary, didn’t bother the hell out of you, though. You tried talking to him about it once or twice in a calm manner, but you always got the same answer “Pfft.. it’s Lucifer. Who cares?” And it never sat right with you. Just today he decided to pull a prank on the eldest and you had enough, standing in front of Lucifer and letting the bucket of cursed green slime land on you instead, to everyone’s shock. “What are you doing?!” Now that you’re thoroughly green from head to toe, you were also beyond pissed. “What am I doing?! What are YOU doing?!” But Satan matched your anger tenfold, accusing you of favoring Lucifer over him and oh! “You probably got an affair with him, too!” Which was a stupid thing on his part, but it looked like it the way you defended him. Anger doesn’t even begin to describe the emotion you felt running through you and had it not been for Lucifer, you probably would’ve physically fought Satan for such a dumb accusation. Lucifer took you to get cleaned up and lifted the course, giving you your natural skin and hair color back within a few days and plenty of scrubbing, and Satan felt like shit. You’ve always been there for him and, rationally speaking, he didn’t have a reason to doubt your loyalty to him, but he just can’t help but feel insecure beside Lucifer…. He decides to come apologize anyway, a deep blush on his face and guilt in his eyes

“I’m… sorry for accusing you. It wasn’t my right to speak out of anger and jealousy…”

Asmodeus:

How can anyone fight with the Avatar of Lust? Seriously, the guy is super easy going and he loves pretty much everyone. Not as much as himself, but almost. You on the other hand… you didn’t. Well you didn’t NOT love him or yourself, but you were just… you. You didn’t spend 4+ hours in the bathroom trying to get ready when you knew you were only going to the kitchen down the stairs. Like?? Although you never brought it up to Asmodeus, he constantly bothered you about skincare and what foods to eat and what not to eat, etc… It’s quite annoying, honestly, and at some point you just gave him a passive aggressive “Okay, whatever. Can we move on now?” To which he didn’t take lightly. He was still nice and sweet, trying to convince you that at least one of these things will make your skin glow brighter than a unicorn’s ass but you just had enough. “Can you stop?! You’re indirectly saying I’m ugly without that shit ton of product in my face and a diet that would make me starve before it helped me! If you want a skinny VS angel that barely holds onto their skeleton, get one!” It was more hurt and frustration speaking than anything, but your outburst still shocked him and he was taken aback for a moment. And then you ignored him for a week straight and as someone who thrives off of attention, especially the kind he gets from you, he can’t handle that! So he showed up in your room in sweats and a tshirt and messy hair and no product on his skin.

“You’re right… we’re all naturally beautiful…. Wow that… that really hurts to say MC but can you forgive me?”

Beelzebub:

Oh the sweet, sweet angel. He’s far from innocent and you know that. We all know that. But for this story, I will give him the benefit of the doubt. His reliance on Belphegor is just really… annoying. Belphegor this, Belphegor that. “Belphie used to…” or “Belphie said….” or “one day when Belphie and I….” Like why does everything have to include his twin? It’s so annoying and so rude when your significant other is right here !!! and planning their own future with you, Beel, thanks. It makes you feel less than and like Belphegor will always come before you. It makes you feel like shit, quite frankly, and who is to blame you? “Hey MC did I tell you what Belphie---!” “No! Shut up! I don’t care! It’s always about Belphie! The day you come to me and don’t let that name drip from your tongue is the day Jesus comes back to save me and we both know that will be never! I’m tired of always being stuck with Belphegor! We are not equals!” Granted, you shouldn’t have yelled and Beel was more than confused at your outburst, but you wouldn’t talk to him anymore after that so he left you alone. He thought you may need an hour or two, maybe a day tops, but that day turned into a full week and he even lost his appetite just because he knows you’re angry with him. It’s been a week, does that mean you’re over? His heart aches just at the thought…

“I’m sorry for bringing Belphie up… I don’t want you to feel less than, MC. You mean a lot to me and so does Belphie, but you’re not Belphie and I need to learn that…”

Belphegor:

Honestly it’s a miracle he hasn’t lost his temper at you yet. Well, he partially blames it on his own laziness because if being angry or getting upset didn’t take so much energy out of him, maybe he would’ve snapped by now lol, but he tries really hard not to because he thinks your relationship with him after everything is pretty good, considering yall kiss and snuggle and fuck on a regular basis. But anyway, that’s exactly the issue. Considering everything, you’re still holding *that* against him. It’s never direct either, which makes it worse. It’s always said in a joking manner and something like “haha look it’s just like that one time you killed me” or “Beel’s grabbing that ham like you grabbed my throat” or “I remember seeing jesus for a moment there” and it agitates him. It makes him so angry, and he finally snapped. “I know I fucked up MC! Stop holding it against me! What do you want? A medal of honor? A survivor's certificate? Maybe a pat on the back for developing some sort of Stockholm syndrome that made you come back to your abuser?!” And then he left. And you may have cried both from confusion and your own anger, he isn’t quite sure. It’s just so…. Aggravating. He can’t deal with it. He knows it was a mistake spurted by his own insecurities and survivor’s guilt which ultimately led to his hatred but please, stop holding it against him.. He can’t keep putting up with it from the person he’s grown to love. He’s the one ignoring you and he won’t budge either because he’s a stubborn ass, but maybe if you come up first…

“I’m sorry for yelling at you… I’m just so tired for it being held against me… I love you, and you should know that, and I do feel guilty about what happened.”

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me headcanons #obey me scenarios #cheys headcanons #asmodeus obey me #belphegor obey me #mammon obey me #obey me lucifer #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me beelzebub #tw angst

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missblissy · 3 years

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Hi!! I want some pain so the Hurt/comfort post, about Alastor x reader with 1, 2, 4, 12??

((Of course Nonny!! Sorry for such a wait!! I've got a lot of these to work on lol. REMEMBER!! REQUEST ARE CLOSED RIGHT NOW, EVERYONE!! IF YOU SEND ONE IN I WILL NOT DO IT! I've had a few other people send some in and I'm sorry to say I have to delete them. I do not have any more room to take any more prompt requests. Thank you everyone for understanding! NOW.... Enjoy the Modern!AU Angst >:D))

1: “We need to stop the bleeding – now!” 2: “I hate to see you hurt like this.” 4: “I want to help you, so please let me.” 12: “You’re normally the tough guy. Today, let me be tough for the both of us.”

Something about today had felt off. Ever since you woke up, it just felt... not right. As if your mind already knew what was going to happen before it actually did. But no one can really know that for sure. That's why it's called a gut feeling. And that feeling told you that today... You might just die.

You've tasted blood before. But for some reason this time it tasted sweet, rather than bitter, and full of iron. There wasn't much for you to focus on other than the lights from the ceiling flickering over your head. You faintly heard a doctor screaming, "We need to stop the bleeding! BP is dropping- Let's go! Now!"

How did you end up here again, violently broken and bleeding out? Oh, that's right... You were driving home after work. It was another late shift during the dead hours of the night. Drunk drivers were often out during these hours of the night. One just so happened to hit you, and now you're here in a hospital.

You just wanted to go home and sleep. You wanted to lay beside your husband and not have to worry about anything. That was not your case, however. And instead, you tried your best to speak. A nurse who was pushing you along the gurney said, "It's alright, we'll help you, you're safe now." But all you wanted to do was ask about your husband. For someone to tell him what was going on. You were sure he was at home, sleeping soundly and without a clue what had happened.

And Alastor wouldn't find out until the next morning. He'd wake up to several missed calls from dozens of people and some he didn't even know. This man didn't even get dressed. He ran out of the house still in his pajamas and floored it to the hospital. Along the way there, Alastor would throw a massive fit. He'd smash his hands on the steering wheel, beating himself up over not getting there sooner.

He'd curse and swear and honestly drive like a maniac. Every red light he got caught at only made him angrier with the world. His tires would spin and shoot smoke the second the light flickered green and off he rushed again.

Luckily, you were out of surgery long before Alastor got to the hospital. A nurse walked him to your room, and he found himself staring at a sight he'd never imagine. You were broken beyond belief. The nurse gave Alastor a sorry look, "Everything's stable, for now," The nurse said, "But...." She shook her head, "It was one of the worse car accidents we've ever seen. We did everything we could-"

"Coma..." Alastor said the single word, "Induced or?" The nurse shook her head.

"Brain damage, though there is still plenty of brain activity," That was good to hear. It meant you weren't brain dead... yet. The nurse gave him a sorry look, then with a nod of her head, she left him there. Alastor slowly walked into your room and closed the door behind him. He even turned all the blinds so no one could see in the little windows from the hallways. Everything felt wrong.

He stood at your bedside. Taking in everything. The tubes, the machines, the wires. Almost immediately he felt his eyes burn with the threat of tears. And when he placed a hand on your cheek he couldn't stop the waves of them rushing down his face.

The sheer pain of the situation made Alastor sob like a child for the first time in his adult life. He sat down beside you and grabbed your hand, "Dammit..." He squeezed tightly, "Dammit!" He let out a little shout and brought your hand to his cheek, "I hate this-" He let out a small cry, "I hate to see you like this, my poor dear-"

He couldn't stop the waves of tears sobbing from his eyes. He'd never let himself cry like this before, but he felt like if he didn't cry, he wouldn't have the chance to later. With anger, he ran a hand over his face, aggressively wiping his tears. He threw his glasses off his face and they clinked to the floor. Alastor's fingers ringed into his hair as he let out another sob and pushed his bangs out of his face. He had completely lost all of his composure. Every part of him was breaking down.

Alastor sat down in the chair by your bedside and buried his head in one of his hands. With his other hand, he still held firm to yours. His fingers dug into your skin as let out another sob, "Please-" He hiccuped, "Please...!" He looked up at your unconscious face with watery dark eyes, "Please be okay," He whispered the words out quickly as he brought your hand to his lips, "Please let me help you-" He spoke the words against your skin, "I want to help you- Please let me... Just!" He paused for another quick sob, "Please just give me a sign your still in there..."

He was never a man to pray to any kind of god. He didn't believe there was one, to begin with. But Alastor found himself praying, hoping that anything would happen. He couldn't lose you, and certainly not like this. You never sign any DNR papers or made it clear to your doctors that you didn't want to be resuscitated. But you did tell Alastor if there ever came a day that you needed machines to keep you alive, you had asked him to pull the plug.

With the weight of what was once just a silly conversation that had now come true, Alastor found himself drowning in misery. He rested his head on the back of your hand as sat in his chair. He looked at his glasses on the ground as tears splattered around them, "I don't want to kill you," He whispered with a cry, "I don't want to unplug you if there is a chance you'll come out of this."

The stone-cold silence lasted only a second between the beats of your heart monitor. A beep, then silence. Another beep, then silence again. Alastor found himself swelling with rage and anger, but mostly sadness. He shook his head slowly as he stared at the ground. This can't be happening... He thought This has to be a dream... This-

Something sounded off. The beeps were getting... faster? Alastor looked up and stared at the monitors. He didn't understand any of them, there were so many, but something was happening. He watched numbers flicker and change when suddenly he felt a tug at his hand.

You didn't make a sound or hardly move but you're squeezed his hand. Alastor had never been so hopeful for something so small. He shot out of his chair with enough force to tip it over behind him.

"Darling!?" Alastor firmly gripped your hand and leaned over you. He let his free hand brush your hair out of your face as he asked, "Darling, please, for the love of god- Can you hear me?"

He waited, and waited some more. Suddenly her felt your hand squeeze him again while he searched your face for any signs, "oh my god-" He whispered to himself as he watched your face twitch with pain before your eyes flickered open. With lightning speed Alastor ran to the door of your room and swung it open, "Someone get a nurse!" He shouted into the hallway, "Please!" He ignored most of the odd stares he was getting.

It wasn't a second later that a small team of nurses rushed in to check on you. You had certainly woken up and the tubes down your throat were not comfortable at all. The intubation tubes were removed, along with the feeding tubes, while others updated your stats. Alastor waited nervously in the corner of the room as he watched a team of people work over you. He felt so helpless that he couldn't watch for long. He'd leave the room and wait in the hallway, trying his best to ignore the painful coughs and groans as tubes were pulled out of your throat.

When the nurses left, Alastor quickly went back into the room and to your side. You had only just started breathing on your own again. It was much harder to breathe than ever before, but you still managed. You were still groggy, swore, and very much in pain. Despite this, you still let the smallest and weakest smile crawl along your lips, "Hey..." Was the first thing you said to your husband.

You watched as Alastor's eyes flickered all over your form. From the casts, the pins, the cuts, and bruises. He searched your face for serval minutes than began a weak laugh that sounded similar to a cry, "H-hey..." He said with a long sigh, he even tried to wear a smile that just didn't sit right on his face.

"Al..." You raised a weak and tired hand to his face. He immediately pressed his cheek into the palm of your hand and shook his head, "I'm sorry," You said. But you had nothing to be sorry for, you didn't cause this or intend for it to happen.

He couldn't say anything, Alastor was too caught up with his feelings. You watched him break down all over again as if he was still living with the fear that you might die, "Hey- hey," You raised your hand slightly and made him look at you, "I'm alright," It was hard to see him so broken down like this, "I'm okay, I'm here." You reassured him, "I'm not going anywhere."

Alastor shook his head quickly as if he didn't want to bother you with his feelings. He sucked in a quick gasp for air then sobbed out, "I'm not strong enough to deal with something like this- Ever-.... I can't lose you." He said quickly.

You couldn't really scoot over but thankfully the bed was rather large. You gave Alastor's arm a tug and he quickly climb in and curled up beside you. He was careful to stay clear of any broken bones as he made himself comfortable.

You stared at the ceiling while Alastor shut his eyes and buried himself into the crook of your neck, you used your free hand to comb his hair despite the pain it caused you to move, "That's alright," You finally told him, "No one is strong enough to deal with something like this. You're normally so tough and good at hiding your emotions. But you don't have to do that. I'm alive, I lived, I can be tough enough for the both of us, even if it's just for today."

Alastor curled himself as close as he could beside you. He wanted nothing more than to hide and forget about this day, he knew how impossible that was but he still wanted it. You could feel his tears running from his face and onto your skin. He couldn't stop crying when normally he never cried. He didn't even cry at his mother's funeral. Even though you were the one in the car accident, somehow you felt that Alastor was in the most pain.

"Please don't ever leave me," His voice was raspy and broken as he spoke against the skin of your neck.

With a sad and sorry look on your face, you did your best to pull him closer and wrap your arm around him. You pressed your forehead against his and you felt a set of tears drop from your eyes. You did your best to smile as you spoke, "I won't," You promised, "I'll never leave you, I'll always be here."

#hazbin hotel #hazbin #hotel #alastor x reader #alastor x you #alastor / reader #alastor / you #reader insert #x reader #alastor #hazbin hotel alastor #human!alastor #human!reader #modern!au #angst #angsty #not fluffy #not cute

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kpop---scenarios · 3 years

Text

Torn Apart (2 Final)

Pairing: Surprise! x Reader

Warning: Smut, Sadness, Angst Maybe? Mean People

Word Count: 5.4k

It had been weeks.

Weeks of sobbing into your pillow, weeks of feeling like things were going to get better, until you found the most insignificant thing that belonged to Chanyeol and you broke down all over again. You missed him. You missed his touch, his warmth, his smile, the way he made you laugh when you were sad. You missed it all. You were broken, and it was all Chanyeol's fault.

Until you scrolled through Instagram, and saw pictures of him with Maya, that bitch. You had never hated anyone in your life until you had met her. You couldn't even begin to fathom what even slightly redeeming qualities Chanyeol saw in her, but apparently there was something to that wench.

You were curled on your couch in the fetal position as you cried at the ending of Strong Girl Bong Soon. You wished you had a love like that. The way An Minhyuk loved Bong Soon was the relationship you wanted, the one you would strive for. He loved her so much and you just wanted to be loved by someone like that.

You groan loudly as your doorbell rings, and then whoever pounds on your door. You didn't want visitors, you didn't care who it was, you wanted to hermit.

"What?" You yelled from the other side of the door.

"Y/N, let me in." You hear from the other side. You recognized the voice immediately.

"Baekhyun, I look like a troll. Kindly leave." You sigh.

"Y/N, if your trolly ass doesn't let me in, I will break down your door." He threatens, which makes you laugh for the first time in days. You both knew he would never be able to do that, and he would likely end up hurting himself.

"Baek, you would break your leg." You say, pulling the door open. On the other side was a sympathetic Baekhyun, who had tissues, ice cream, chocolate and a bag full of movies. You smile at his kindness. "You know I have Netflix right?"

"Shut the fuck up and move, this shit is cold." He barks, moving past you and into your kitchen. "Look, I have all the necessities. We will get you through this. Because I for one, cannot stand the sight of Mayeol and I want to gouge my eyes out, and I need someone to do it with."

"I don't understand how that has anything to do with me." You say, grabbing two spoons.

"Sehun is gone, he's so in love with those two, hes bordering being a psychopath, Jongdae and his wife are just tolerating, Suho, Kai and Kyungsoo are avoiding them like the plague and Minseok and Lay have been MIA, so you're my last hope, Y/N."

"I really don't want to talk about him, Baek." You admit, the hole in your heart somehow feels larger than before.

"That's fine, I'll stop, let's start a movie." He suggests, grabbing a random one out of his bag.

And for the next few hours, that's all you guys did. You watched movies, making comments, laughing and you genuinely had a good time with him. It had been so long since you actually felt happy and you were grateful to Baekhyun for bringing at least a little joy back into your life.

Until he left, and you were alone again. All the feelings came rushing back, except they hurt a little less this time. You didn't miss him quite as much.

The next day, at the same time, your doorbell rang again. You open the door, your eyes puffy and bloodshot and you see Baekhyun standing there again, a new flavor of ice cream in hand, a new kind of chocolate, and a new bag of movies. This time he said nothing to you, instead pushed his way past you and through the door, setting everything down on your living room table as he popped in the movie. You smiled to yourself before turning around to join him, it felt nice to be cared about, and the fact that he was going out of his way to do this for you, and make you feel better. You truly appreciated Baekhyun.

As he sat there and watched the movie, you watched him. The way his eyes lit up at a part of the movie he enjoyed, the face he made when he took a bite of his ice cream, the wrinkle he had in his nose when there was a cheesy scene. You never truly noticed how handsome Baekhyun was until now. His distinct jawline, his large hands, his toned body, you briefly.. very briefly began to wonder how large his..

"No Y/N, no. Do not go there with your existing bestfriend."

You quickly shake off the thought, moving your eyes to the TV screen, trying to focus.

"How are you feeling today?" Baekhyun asks, sliding his phone back into his pants pocket.

"A bit better, I guess." You answer. Before Baekhyun could say anything there was another knock at the door. "That's good." He smiles, standing up. "There are some people who wanna see you." He says, opening the door.

Minseok, Suho and Kyungsoo file through the door, looking at you with pity as they all sit, surrounding you.

"Hiiiii." Suho pouts, protruding his bottom lip. "How are we feeling today?"

"Um, hi." You laugh. "I'm fine."

"Oh good, so we can go." Kyungsoo pipes up, standing up and walking towards the door.

"Sit." Minseok sighs, pointing back at the seat. Kyungsoo rolls his eyes, shuffling back to his spot and flopping down.

"She's fine, Chanyeol is fine, so why are we here? Everyone is fine." He groans.

"Have you seen him? Is he fine?" You hesitantly ask. You weren't even sure if you wanted to know.

"Oh he's more than fine." Kyungsoo groans. "He and Maya are all over each other all the time. It's honestly nauseating. Like I want to be able to eat my sandwich without hearing your girlfriend moan when you kiss her." He gags.

You bite your bottom lip as you slowly nod your head, tears welling in your eyes. These were most definitely details you did not need to hear about your ex and the girl he cheated on you with. All the men whip their heads to look at you, who now had your head hanging low as your shoulders shaked. They all look back at Kyungsoo, with only one speaking up.

"That's it." Baekhyun growls. "Kyungsoo, get out." He spits, pointing to the door.

"What did I do?" Kyungsoo asks, innocently. Baekhyun rolls his eyes, looking at you, softly whimpering into the sleeves of your sweater.

"Out. Now." Baekhyun says, giving him the middle finger before flinching as Kyungsoo stands up, whispering "Don't hurt me."

"Don't listen to him." Minseok sighs. "Kyungsoo has zero social cues, he also could not read a room if his life depended on it."

As Kyungsoo opened the door to leave, in rushed Lay, who looked at the man leaving and just nodded his head, realizing he had probably said something rude and was asked to leave. It wasn't the first time and would not be the last either.

"Y/N." Lay breathes. "How do you feel about tall, muscular men who sing?" He asks.

"I do enjoy them. Why?" You ask.

"I have a friend from the hospital.. I think you two would get along really well. He's in his third year of surgery residency and is looking to date. I may have shown him your picture and he instantly said yes." He tells you.

You look around the room, Suho and Minseok are nodding enthusiastically, while Baekhyun sits with his arms crossed against his chest, and a pouty look on his face.

"What do you think?" You ask Baekhyun. He looks up at you, his face softening immediately.

"I uhh, it's up to you. Yanno, if you're into muscular, tall men.." he mumbles.

"You know what? Sure, yes, I will. Chanyeol and Maya are out there living their best lives while I'm sitting here sulking, mourning a love that clearly didn't mean as much to him. So yes I will go out with him." You announce, perking up already. "When?"

"Tonight." Lay says. "More specifically, an hour."

"I need to get ready." You smile, jumping from your seat to rush to your room. You slowly peak your head around the corner, softly smiling at your friends. "Thank you, you guys. You've all really helped me these last weeks. I greatly appreciate you all." You finish, heading back into your room to quickly throw yourself together.

By the time you were done, you had 15 minutes to spare, and you were damn proud of what you accomplished in the last 45 minutes. You showered and shaved to become a hairless human from the eyelashes down, you managed to get the knots out of your hair and it looked in decent shape, as well as hide the semi-permanent redness of your eyes with a lot of makeup. You almost didn't recognize yourself in the mirror when you looked. You didn't see the heartbroken girl anymore, you saw someone confident, hot and worthy of a great love.

Stepping out into the living room you blush at all the 'oohs and ahhs' from your friends.

Except for Baekhyun.

When you looked at him, his eyes shined and for some reason it made your heartbeat a little faster. You watched his eyes trail up and down your body, seemingly taking in every curve, every inch of you. When he notices you staring, he clears his throat and looks away. "You look prettyish." He mumbles as he walks away, there's a knock at the door. Baekhyun is the one to answer and looks up at the tall man.

"You must be.." he begins, moving out of the way, letting the man walk in.

"Hi." He smiles at you. "I'm Matthew." He says, holding out his hand.

"Hi Matthew." You grin. "Y/N." You finish, introducing yourself.

"It's really nice to meet you. You look phenomenal." He says, holding your hand up to spin you around. You can't help but let out a loud laugh as a blush spreads across your cheeks.

"Thank you." You whisper. "Shall we?"

He waves to Lay and everyone else before taking your arm in his and leading you out the door. You left three excited men behind you and one who felt annoyed but didn't quite know why.

You hadn't laughed so hard until tears rolled down your cheeks and you held your stomach for a very long time. You honestly were surprised at how much you and Matthew had in common. You both enjoyed the same type of music, food, and pastimes. You had yet to meet someone who loved the same authors as you, who enjoyed doing your favorite activities and who genuinely seemed like a great person but here he was, sitting right in front of you at this nice restaurant.

"I have to admit something." Matthew begins. Your stomach drops as you feel like he's going to tell you he's married or has a girlfriend, something that's going to make you lose trust in men, again.

"Go on." You say, forcing a smile before taking a sip of your drink.

"I really like you." He grins. "It's insane, I have never met someone I had so much in common with until tonight."

"I was just thinking the same thing." You laugh, feeling relieved at his confession. You liked Matthew, he seemed as though he would be good for you and treat you right, although you thought that Chanyeol would do the same and look how that turned out.

Beep

Matthew's pager beeps incessantly. He takes it from the waistband of his pants, checking the page and stands up abruptly. "I'm so sorry." He sighs. "I have to go, there was an accident and I'm needed in the OR." He explains.

"Go." You say, waving your hands to emphasize.

"I had a wonderful time Y/N, and I hope I get to see you again." He grins. He places down a few hundred bills on the table before kissing your hand, and with a wink he was off and your heart was pumping fast as red spreads across your cheeks.

Oh boy.

Your blush is still present as you walk through the door of your apartment. You see Baekhyun sitting on your couch with his arms crossed as he watches a show, not even acknowledging your presence.

"Why are you still here?" You ask, tossing your purse on the chair.

"I wanna hear all about Matthew." He mimics, rolling his eyes. "How was your date?"

"It was really nice. We have a lot in common, which is strange. He seems really nice and we get along amazingly. He was paged into surgery so it ended early." You tell him. "So cool."

"Oh wow, surgery huh?" Baekhyun says, nodding his head. "Did I tell you I'm auditioning for a band?" He smiles.

"Are you really?" You ask, a little shocked.

"Maybe." He says, clearing his throat, turning back to the show.

You sit beside him, you dress riding up just a little to expose your thigh. You're focused on the show, barely realizing that Baekhyun has now rested his hand on your bare thigh, his thumb lightly rubbing the same spot.

Why did you feel butterflies? Why was your pussy throbbing? It's probably just friendly, there's no way Baekhyun has feelings for you.

Right?

As the show played on, your eyes became increasingly droopy, feeling the exhaustion and excitement of today finally catching up with you. Your eyes slowly close as you lean your head back onto the couch.

You weren't sure when it happened, but you woke up, what you're assuming is a few hours later with your head on Baekhyun's lap while he gently rubbed your head, running his fingers through your hair. Your body shivered at the gentle sensation and you closed your eyes once again, feeling safe and happy as you dozed off.

When you woke up the next morning, you were laying on the couch, alone with a blanket draped over you. Your eyes searched your apartment and there was no sign of Baekhyun. You had no idea when he had left but a part of you felt a little hurt that he left without saying goodbye to you. You rolled yourself off the couch and shuffled into your room, changing your clothes to something more comfortable.

When you were done you made your way to the kitchen to find food when your front door opened. In walked Baekhyun with a large bag from your favorite food place.

"You didn't." You grin. "It's so far away."

"I did, and it was worth it to see the look on your face." He laughs, setting the bag down on the table.

The two of you sit down, and have breakfast together and chat. You hadn't realized that Baekhyun actually had a lot in common with you as well. You didn't know why the two of you had never talked about these things but you felt like it was a crazy coincidence that two men match with you so well. Although you knew Baekhyun's feelings were strictly platonic, there was no way that he felt anything romantically for you.

"I gotta go to work, but we'll hang out later, if you're up for it?" He asks, throwing his garbage away.

"Of course." You smile. You look in his eyes, his beautiful brown eyes and you just want to melt. You liked Baekhyun, alot. Maybe it was just from how good he's been treating you lately, or maybe the feelings were real, you would never know because you were going to focus on changing your feelings for Baekhyun to feelings for Matthew, someone you knew you actually had a chance with.

Later that day you were doing some work on your computer for the company you work for, luckily you're able to do your work from home, giving you plenty of time to be free during the day for activities. You're brought out of your zone by a text from Matthew, asking you if you wanted to grab a late lunch around 2pm, and immediately your mood changed, and you happily replied that you would love to.

At 1:50pm, you sat at the restaurant, a drink in front of you while you waited for Matthew. Seeing him walk through the door, your heart did a mini dance as he smiled at you, heading towards the table you had already gotten.

"Hey there beautiful." He grins, sitting across from you.

"Hi." You giggle. "How has your day been?"

"Busy and stressful, but that's all been forgotten now that I have you in front of me." He says. You smile widely, burying your head in your hands. He was so sweet, and you didn't know how to react to it. After the two of you order, you're in the middle of a conversation about a movie you had each recently watched, when out of the corner of your eye, you notice someone familiar. You look over and at a table that was too close for your liking sat Baekhyun, Chanyeol and Maya. Your attitude, demeanour and mood completely changed when you noticed them. You could feel the tears welling in your eyes as you looked away. You look at Matthew who instantly looks concerned.

"What's wrong? Did I say something?" He asks, leaning in closely to whisper to you.

"T-that's my ex.. and the girl he chose over me, and his best friend who I'm still friends with." You whisper, nodding your head towards them.

Matthew discreetly looks over and notices the blonde man looking in your direction, pain in his eyes from the moment he saw you.

"Look at me." Matthew whispers. You look up at him, trying to control the tears. "That boy is an idiot for giving you up. You are one in a million. You're smart, funny, beautiful, caring and an all around amazing person to be around. Don't give them anymore of your tears, princess. They don't deserve them, and you don't deserve to cry over them." He smiles.

You sit up, taking a deep breath, smiling at the man across from you, staring at his beautiful smile. You glance over to the table and see Chanyeol staring at you, sadness in his eyes while Maya glares at you and Baekhyun, he stares at you with what seems like a look of anger. He glares in your direction, his face like stone and you had no idea what you did to make him so mad at you.

"Would you like to go somewhere else?" Matthew asks.

You nod your head, knowing you didn't want to be in the same restaurant as Mayeol, it was bad enough to have to be in the same city as them. Matthew grabs the check, escorting you out, his hand hovering over your backside as you walk out, the feeling of eyes watching you burning into your back as you exit the restaurant. You and Matthew stand outside your door, and he smiles at you. "I'm sorry about the date." He sighs.

"It wasn't your fault. If anything I should be sorry." You say.

"You did nothing wrong." He tells you. "I have to get back to the hospital now, but I'll call you." He says, leaning down he presses his lips to yours quickly before pulling away and saying goodbye.

You walk into your apartment, feeling a little confused. That didn't go how you imagined it at all. As you're trying to get out of your sundress, there's a knock at the door before someone walks in. You turn around and see Baekhyun standing there, watching you.

"You looked pretty comfortable and intimate with what's his name." He blurts out, walking towards you. He stands closely behind you, you can feel his breath on your neck as he pulls down the zipper of your dress.

"Yeah well you looked pretty comfortable with fucking Maya and Chanyeol." You retort, trying to storm away from him. Your dress slips off your body, landing on the floor. Baekhyun follows you, reaching out to grab your wrist. He spins you around to face him. He pulls your body closer to his.

"What do you want?" He asks. You don't answer, your lips parted as you try to form a sentence. Baekhyun's eyes drop down to your lips. He licks his lips and sighs. You can feel his breath, so close to you, almost kissing you. "What do you want from me, Y/N?" He asks.

Your heart is practically beating out of your chest. You look into his eyes, one word on the tip of your tongue.

You. Just say it. You want him. Tell him.

But you say nothing.

Baekhyun sighs. "That's what I thought." He says, moving away from you and picking up your dress from the floor. He hands it to you, leaning in to press his lips against your temple. "Call me when you know what you want." He says, walking away from you and out the door.

What did that mean? Did he want you like you wanted him? Why couldn't you have just told him right then and there?

You were scared. You were scared of rejection, you were scared he didn't mean it, maybe his feelings towards you weren't real. But then again, you would never know unless you talked to him.

Later that night you laid in your bed, thinking about Baekhyun. You couldn't sleep, so you grabbed your purse and your keys, drive aimlessly around town. A little while later, you glance at the clock that reads 2am, you park your car and you pull out your phone and call him. You felt like you were going to vomit as the phone rang.

"Hello?" A groggy voice answered.

"You." You whisper through the speaker. "I want you."

"Y/N." He breathes.

"Open the door, Baekhyun." You whisper.

You can hear him get out of bed and stomp towards the front door. He pulls it open and there you are, your phone pressed against your ear, wearing a nightshirt and shorts.

"I want you." You say again, pulling the phone away from your ear.

Baekhyun pulls you inside, slamming the door behind you before pinning you against the front door.

"Fuck it." He groans, crashing his lips against yours, pulling your body in closer to his. His hands roaming your body as he slides his tongue into your mouth. His hands move under your shirt and up your torso, cupping a bare breast. He groans into the kiss as he pinches your hard nipple, rolling it between his fingers. He presses his crotch into your leg, allowing you to feel his hard cock pushing against his boxers.

You reach your hand down, sliding it into his waistband, grabbing his cock and slowly pumping, making his knees buckle.

"Fuck." He murmurs, breaking the kiss. He leans his head into your neck, placing small kisses as you stroke his cock.

Suddenly he stands up straight, pulling your hand from inside his boxers. He grabs your hand and leads you to his bedroom.

"Take off your clothes." He growls.

You maintain eye contact as you slip your shirt off your body, dropping it to the floor and the shimmy off your shorts, letting them pool around your ankles. You stand there naked in front of Baekhyun who takes in every curve and crevasse of your body.

"Get on the bed." He whispers. You move to the bed, slowly climbing on and laying on your back.

"So fucking beautiful." He moans, crawling on top of you. "I just wanna be inside you." He whispers. You nod your head, giving him all the consent he needs.

Baekhyun spits on his hand, pumping his cock. He lifts your legs over his shoulder before lining him up with your entrance. He pushes himself into you, stretching your pussy out, making you cry out loudly.

It had been so long for you, you forgot what it felt like to be fucked. Your hands grip the bed sheets as Baekhyun slides his cock in and out of you slowly.

"How do you want it, baby?" He asks, moving slowly still.

"Faster." You moan. "Fuck me Baekhyun."

His eyes become dark after hearing your words. His hands wrap around your ankles as he starts thrusting harder into you, the sound of skin slapping fills the room.

"Oh god." You cry out, your hands cupping your breasts, pinching your nipples as he pumps his cock into you.

Baekhyun releases one of your legs, placing his thumb between your lips to rub your clit. He rubs in circles, making you clench around him.

"Just like that." You cry out as you buck your hips. You knew you were going to cum soon, you hadn't had an orgasm since Chanyeol left.

"Fuck." Baekhyun groans.

"I'm gonna cum." You scream as he fucks you harder, and continues to rub you.

Your orgasm hits you, making you scream out in pleasure, your eyes rolling to the back of your head as you tighten around Baekhyun once again.

He groans loudly, suddenly cumming, shooting his load inside of you, breathing heavily as he works through his orgasm.

"Holy fuck." He sighs, pulling out of you. He lays next to you, and you snuggle into him, not caring about the mess, just being completely and utterly happy in the moment.

"So.." Baekhyun starts off the next morning, as you lay in his bed, tangled in his sheets. You have one leg and one arm sprawled across him as you snuggle in closer to him. "What about Matthew?" He asks.

"I called him yesterday after you left, and I told him I didn't think things were going to work out, but I would like to remain friends." You explain.

"And he was fine with that?" He asks.

"He asked if there was someone else." You sigh. "I told him I wasn't sure, but I hoped and he wished me luck."

"I didn't like you seeing him." Baekhyun admits. "It hurt but I felt like I couldn't do anything." He says.

"Why?" You ask.

"Because.. Chanyeol is my best friend and you were his." He tells you.

"Chanyeol made his decision, and he chose Maya. I'm free to date whoever I want, and I want you." You whisper.

"Oh baby girl." Baekhyun growls. "You have no idea what you do to me." He whispers, rolling over on top of you, pressing his lips to yours. You wrap your arms around him, pulling him in closer to you, never having felt so wanted or loved.

It has been a few months of you and Baekhyun dating, and you've kept it under wraps for the most part, wanting to stay in your little bubble of happiness. But now your friends were getting suspicious and you felt like it was time to tell them. And what other perfect time to tell them then at a dinner party that everyone is attending.

That night you and Baekhyun had brought a spinach and artichoke dip that you made together and it was the best thing ever. You told Jongdae and his wife the news first, and they were both extremely happy for the both of you.

Next, Minseok, Suho, Kyungsoo, Kai and Lay were told and they were all happy for you two, except Lay who was disappointed that things didn't work with Matthew, but he was happy that you were happy.

You all sat around the dinner table when Chanyeol, Sehun and Maya walked in. Things instantly got tense and quiet the minute they entered the room. They hadn't noticed you yet and you could feel the knots forming in your stomach.

"Hey guys." Chanyeol smiled, looking around the room and then his eyes landed on you and his smile dropped.

"Hi friends." Maya chirps up, not realizing you were there until Sehun pointed it out, quite loudly and rudely.

"Why is she here?" He asks, nodding his head towards you.

"Because she's our friend." Jongdae pipes up, glare at Sehun.

"It's just weird." Maya comments, sitting down at the table. You ball your hands into fists under the table. Baekhyun reaches under the table, grabbing your hand to calm you down, showing you he's there and has your back.

"It's not weird, actually." Baekhyun pipes up. "What's weird is coming to a gathering when you know no one here likes you. That's weird." He says, looking at Maya.

"Baek." Chanyeol sighs. "She's my girlfriend." He says, as if that's a good enough reason.

"Okay." Baekhyun says. "And she's mine." He says, nodding towards you. "So tell your girl to show some respect."

"You're what?" Chanyeol asks, staring at you and Baekhyun, not even acknowledging the fact that Maya is sitting there with her mouth open and offended. "You're dating my ex-girlfriend?"

"I am." Baekhyun says, not caring about Chanyeol's reaction anymore.

"You.. you can't do that." He says.

"And why not?" Baekhyun wonders. "You left her. You chose that over this amazing woman. You have no right to be angry here. You broke her, tore her apart and I'm putting the pieces back together."

"I don't want her here." Maya pouts.

"And no one wants you here." You chime in. You were tired of her and she had only been here for a few minutes.

"Chanyeol." She whines, nudging him but he's still not paying attention to her, only looking at you and Baekhyun.

"So.. what did you guys bring?" Lay asks, nodding towards their dish.

"Buffalo chicken dip." Maya says, with a smile.

You burst out laughing, rolling your eyes. "You mean you're still making the recipe that Chanyeol and I made together?" You ask with a smile on your face.

Maya's smile instantly drops, looking at you with disgust. "Chanyeol." She yells.

"What?" He snaps, turning to look at her.

"Do something." She whines.

"You don't have to do anything, man. We're gonna go. Thanks for having us, Jongdae. It's been interesting." Baekhyun says. He looks at you and holds out his hand. "Ready?" He asks you. You smile at him, taking his hand and walking out, hand in hand with the man who made you the happiest you've been.

A few days later you're in your apartment, singing and dancing as you clean up the place. You no longer missed Chanyeol, his name no longer brought pain to your heart, seeing things that reminded you of him no longer made you cry. You had Baekhyun now, and he treated you like a queen.

You're walking past your front door when you hear a faint knock. You open it slightly and see an exhausted looking Chanyeol standing on the other side.

"Can we talk?" He asks.

You didn't want to hear what he had to say, but you decided to be nice and let him in.

"What?" You ask, sitting on your couch as he stands in front of you.

"I fucked up." He blurts out. "I should have never chosen Maya over you. I didn't realize what I was doing at the time, Y/N, please forgive me. I miss you. I miss us. We were great together." He breathes.

You're shocked. You had spent weeks crying over him, wishing for him to come to you and say these words to you but now it was too late.

"You're a little too late now." You say to him.

"I know you're with Baekhyun, but I had you first." He says.

You scoff at him. "How dare you? How could you come here months after you left me for Maya and beg for me back when I'm finally happy again? It took a long time for me to be okay. Baekhyun has been there for me, he was the one who helped put me back together. You chose Maya. You made your bed." You yell. "Get out Chanyeol."

"Y/N please." He begs.

"No, you need to leave. I don't want you. I don't love you anymore." You tell him.

Chanyeol walks out the door, looking back at you with tears in his eyes. You felt no remorse for him. You had felt the way he was feeling, it was his own fault and you refused to be torn apart by him again. Chanyeol was now your past, and Baekhyun was your future and you couldn't be happier about it.

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aliensunflower-fics · 3 years

Text

How to Exploit Kindness [A New Kind of Lila Salt Prompt]

[ Ive seen Lila and Class salt that goes a lot of different ways. In some Lilas a sad lonely girl who will do anything for friends and the class fall for her lies through a mixture of manipulation and Lila’s genuine sad lonely but real persona. In others Lila is insane and the class get basically sucked into her cult. And in others still, Lila slowly breaks the class down by preying on there insecurities, hidden jealousies ect. There are the versions where Lila just bribes the class with connections and the versions where Lila frames Marinette until no one believes her. But I wanted to write a new idea for people to use, one that I feel is a bit more realistic. One where Marinette’s classmates are more their more authentic kind selves but still get slowly pulled into Lila’s web and where Lila is just a bit more intelligent. ]

[ As usual with all my prompts feel free to borrow the idea to write for your own thing salt, sugar, cuteness angst ect just be sure to credit me for the idea so I can read it. ]

Lila was furious! This wasn’t how it was supposed to go! She was supposed to be everyone's friend! She was supposed to finally get a cute perfect boyfriend who would cherish her like she deserved! She was supposed to be HAPPY! But no, the pathetic beetle Ladybug and that goody two shoes Marinette kept ruining everything!

No… No that wasn’t quite true. As much as she wanted to blame her problems on those two it wasn’t entirely their faults. Honestly Lila wasn’t quite sure what had happened. Her lies had been working at first, they had gotten her praise and compliments and adoration and friendship! But now? Now they were all ignoring her, unimpressed by her celeb lies! She could not understand it! At first she’d been sure it was Marinette or Ladybug maybe even Adrien had turned on her! But when she’d probed for information she’d learned that none of them had blown the whistle. So what was it! Tomorrow… Tomorrow she will find out one way or another. She needed to get them back under her thumb somehow.

It was Chloe who gave Lila her answers. Chloe was the reason none of her classmates cared about her stories! Chloe was the idiot mayor's brat. And what a brat she was constantly wiggling her way into her mothers fashion shoots or had celebrities over at the hotel. Of course Lila’s classmates didn’t care about Lila’s celebrity connections because Chloe was always name dropping just as many people as herself. The only difference was Lila used fake modesty and shyness that made her ‘friends’ view her lies in less of a gloating light than Chloe’s haughty claims of celebrity meetings.

It was a damn shame, celebrity lies were her bread and butter, they were exciting got people to think you were important and they were hard to prove or disprove allowing Lila to easily get around the messy little detail of ‘proof’ if someone asked for pictures all she could say was that her mom didn't let her take any because she didn't want her precious daughter being targeted by crazy fans. And if someone asked her to use her celebrity connections? Well she could just turn on the water works and cry about them just being her friend for her connections. Thus her prey would be forced to be her ‘friend’ , always listening to her and doing things for her, unable to ask for anything in return. Then when her mother announced their next move Lila would tearfully say goodbye and leave all her suckers behind. But without the sway of her celebrity lies her system broke down. That was the problem with picking the school full of rich talented idiots she supposed.

Well with Chloe ruining her system she’d need a new one. Scrolling through her classmates' social media for a clue she sneered at their overly cheerful and cutesy posts. Always encouraging one another and posting encouraging puff pieces about this or that. Always acting like they were so nice. As Lila scrolled over a charity fundraiser event that Alya had retweeted from Milene a sudden thought crossed her mind. Her classmates were very ‘nice’ and annoyingly so. They were always butting into each other's business, always being SO concerned, always organizing events to help each other and appreciate each other and going to charity events.

In fact now that she thought about it the stories that had intrigued her ‘friends’ always had some sort of charity garbage attached. Saving Jagged’s kitten or raising money for some cause or other that always got her heaps of praise. Sure saying Clara whatshername stole her dance moves got attention but not in the same way saying she raised money for some green project. Was it really that simple? Sure her classmates all loved Marinette for her extreme generosity and kindness but was it REALLY that simple? She needed to check.

It was actually that easy. One simple little lie about how she pulled a blind old man out of danger when he was nearly run over and suddenly the class was bathing her in praise. And the ‘fact’ that the whole very real thing made her miss first period and sprain her ankle? Well that was just the cherry on top. Suddenly Max was offering her a copy of his notes and everyone was back to caring for her like she was a princess. The fact that Marinette looked like she was seething only for sweet naive Adrien to keep her mouth shut was just so perfect. She’d found her golden ticket. Her classmates were truly ‘good kind people’ and nothing could be exploited quite like kindness.

With this knowledge Lila would easily be able to destroy Marinette, sure she wouldn’t be able to do it quickly but slowly she would replace her, with every good deed she made up with every act of false modesty she would build a reputation greater than Marinette’s she would replace her and become there new ‘everyday ladybug’ and the best part was she wouldn’t have to say ANYTHING against Marinette. Not. A. Thing. No sweet righteous Marinette would eventually snap, sadly for her it would probably be too late with how much control Adrien had over her, so when it happened Marinette would look like the jealous crazy girl going after the girl that was kinder, sweeter, and better than herself. As for Adrien… Well she had a hard time believing it at first but he really was an idiot with a pretty face as long as she was careful as she built her new reputation he would genuinely believe that she was changing for the better and then he'd fall for her.

The best part was, her classmates were genuine. As she built her new good girl heart of gold persona they would genuinely come to love her, all the loyalty Marinette got to enjoy all the perks of being friends with such talented, kind, sweet people would become hers. Slowly no matter how Marinette struggled she would lose, eventually she’d have nothing left. Of course she’d need to be careful with her lies but that was easy. Bring the class to a charity here and there and tell them that she was the one who gave the idea for the charity to the actual organizer but didn't want any credit because she was just that kind and humble. If they tried to make her do actual work then she’d have a sudden accident that would require she sit down.

And then once she’d done more photoshoots with Adrien for Gabriel she’d ‘convince’ the man that a charity would make him look good and boost sales. She’d MAKE her lies true all while winning over her future father in law, and heck maybe she’d even pocket a little of the money, she could use a better wardrobe and the extra would be perfect to buy her ‘friends’ the occasional ice cream or presents. In between that she’d just lie about saving people or volunteering on weekends. Maybe even let it ‘slip’ how she was a temp hero for Ladybug . One of the sweetest parts was that between volunteering with Lila, there own activities and hanging out with Lila so she could ‘thank them for their hard work’ no one would be spending a second hanging out with sweet pink little Marinette, they'd abandon her without even realizing it because they’d be SO busy. Sadly this plan of hers would take a little more work then her others, but it would be worth it to become the queen bee of the class- NO the school! And when Marinette eventually slipped up and looked like the biggest jealous bully in the school. Well she’d have no choice but to leave the school with her tail in between her legs.

Victory was looking sweet and satisfying.

[ And where it goes from here is up to you. Lila can win, she can slowly convince the class and school that she's a model citizen and an everyday hero. She can sneakily maneuver the class to not spend time with Marinette slowly separating the girl from her friends. In this way Alya and the rest of them don't become evil salty versions of themselves who overnight hate Marinette and love Lila, but rather they are good naive people who got slowly separated and tricked by someone who wants to use their genuine talents and skills to make herself look better. Adrien who is already shown to be naive and wants to believe the best in people, can fall into Lila’s trap and become genuinely convinced that his high road method really worked and ‘reformed’ Lila into a better person. OR Lila can fail, she can claim to be the wrong temporary hero for ladybug, or she can pick the wrong charity to lie about, or get exposed any number of ways and the class can realize with horror that because they are kind but flawed people who are perhaps too trusting and gullible that they got pulled away from Marinette through subtle manipulation and so they can be redeemed because instead of turning into outright bullies they stayed the same kind people they always were but just got genuinely tricked which is something that can actually happen in real life. You can go heavy salt where Marinette does eventually leave the school or class heartbroken that her kind friends have fallen prey to a bad person Marinette cant find a way to expose. Or you can go clever salt where Marinette figures out Lila’s plan and fights her from the inside slowly exposing the cracks in her facade. Or you can go sugar and redemption where maybe just maybe Lila actually LIKES being nice to people and having real friends who dont care about her fake celeb connections, maybe she honestly redeems herself and even makes amends with Marinette. You can do genuinely anything with this idea and I hope to see this generate some new less *and suddenly everyone is evil* content for those that like salt and angst. ]

#my writing #ml salt #lila salt #lila salt prompt #now technically there isnt any actual class salt or adrien salt in here because its more of a prompt but to be safe il tag it anyway #adrien salt #class salt #ml salt prompt

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