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my-emotional-self · 5 years

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Forever Ago Chapter 3

Pairings: Chris Evans x OFC

Warnings: Mild Angst, Swearing

Summary: After losing touch with your childhood best friend after graduation, he comes crashing back into your life 15 years later. The feelings you’ve had for him never left you. But do you forgive him for all those years he ignored you? Or do you decide he lost his chance with you for good?

The door opened to reveal a smiling Sebastian. “There’s my best friend!” he cheered, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you into a hug.

You couldn’t contain the laugh that escaped passed your lips. “How much have you had to drink already?”

“What? Can’t I just be happy to see my best friend? We live like a mile from each other and I haven’t seen you in forever!”

Rolling your eyes you walked into his apartment. “You know I’ve been busy with work Sebastian.”

“Yeah I know Jess. You’re such a hot commodity in the photography world.” The two of you walked into his kitchen and you looked at your phone. You were about an hour early before the party started in case Seb needed any help. “Hey I’m going to hop in the shower before people start to get here. Make yourself a drink. You know where everything is.”

You in deed did just that. In case Chris was going to be here, you didn’t want to be completely sober for that meeting.

After taking your drink into the living room, you sat down on the couch and reminisced about the time you met Sebastian.

Summer of 2009

It had been ten whole years since you graduated high school, and nearly three years since you last saw Chris. He had moved away right after graduation to pursue his acting career; which you couldn’t have been more supportive of. You had seen him a lot over those first few years, but slowly he began to get busier and he had then moved out to Los Angeles; the complete opposite side of the country. You were still getting your foot in the door as a photographer and didn’t have too much money lying around to just fly out and see him.

But it wasn’t just about seeing him. The phone calls and texts were beginning to be fewer and longer in between. To be honest, it broke your heart. You didn’t want to seem like a clingy friend, even though you were madly in love with him, so you let it go. He would text or call you when he had the chance, right?

Oh how wrong you were. While you lived in New York City now, you still stayed in contact with Lisa as she became the only mother figure in your life after your parents died in a car accident from a drunk driver when you were 16.

You were waiting around the room for Sebastian Stan to arrive as you were photographing him for the cover of a magazine.

When he walked in, the two of you instantly clicked as you liked to get to know your muse somewhat before photographing them. He was so down to earth and easy to talk to; almost like your relationship with Chris back in the day.

It was what he said at one point that made you freeze. “Yeah I just got done filming a movie for the Marvel Universe. It’s called Captain America: The First Avenger.”

“Wow! That sounds amazing! Those Marvel movies have been doing really well recently,” you remarked as you began to set up your camera.

“Yeah and it was so much fun to shoot. Chris Evans plays Captain America and he’s a real great guy. We had a lot of fun on set.”

As he mentioned Chris, you froze, eyes growing wide as you stared down at your camera before quickly recovering. Your heart gave a pain of sadness just hearing his name; you missed him so much. You had even given up on trying to text him over the last year because you never got a response.

All you could do is hum in response as he talked enthusiastically about the movie and his role. You didn’t keep much tabs on Chris lately, including his movies and girlfriends because you just seemed to spiral into some sort of depression each time. So, after many lonely nights thinking about it, you decided to just move on as much as it pained you.

~~~

Over the course of the years you and Sebastian became best friends; it helped that the two of you lived very close to each other. Naturally he had invited you to the sets while he was filming the Captain America movies but you always declined, not wanting to see or deal with Chris. The way you saw it, he broke your heart.

As much as you wanted to tell Sebastian all about your personal life growing up, you just knew that if he were to explain to Chris about you, Chris would find out. Sebastian was very understanding that you didn’t want to talk about anything; all you did mention was the death of your parents and that was it.

It seemed petty in your eyes, but you were in love with Chris, had been for years and when he moved away and became a big time actor, it seemed like he just tossed you on the side; after all those years of friendship.

End Flashback

By the time Sebastian got out of the shower, your palms were beginning to sweat. You had known Sebastian for a decade now, but you not once told him about Chris; about how the two of you were best friends growing up; about how you had been madly in love with him. It was beginning to dawn on you that perhaps Sebastian might get pretty upset with you if Chris were to arrive and find out the two of you had known each other since kindergarten.

“Shit,” you murmured to yourself, but not quietly enough.

Sebastian chuckled from the kitchen. “What’s wrong?”

You wanted to tell him right here and now, but with the off chance that Chris wasn’t going to be here, you didn’t want to risk it. But you still felt like a shitty person and an even more horrible friend.

“I’m just a dumbass, that’s all.”

~~~

Sebastian’s little ‘friend-gathering’ was in full swing a few hours later. You were able to meet Jeremy Renner and Elizabeth Olsen. Toby Hemingway and Chace Crawford were also there, but you had met them plenty of times. They were good friends with Sebastian from the movie The Covenant and the four of you hung out quite a bit in New York.

There were also some others that you didn’t recognize and as the hours passed, you were starting to finally let loose and get comfortable, thinking Chris wouldn’t be showing up.

You were off in the corner playing beer pong with Chace when there was a loud ruckus coming from the kitchen. “Here he comes to save the day!” you overheard someone shout.

“Captain America himself!” came Jeremy’s voice and you shut your eyes tightly. When you opened them, Chace was staring at you with his brows furrowed.

“You ok over there Jess?” he asked.

“Mmmmm,” you replied. At this moment all you were happy about was that your back was facing the kitchen and maybe you could hide and then make a dash out of here before he noticed you.

“Alright well it’s your turn. Unless you want to forfeit and admit defeat,” he joked with a sly smile.

You scoffed, never admitting defeat when it came to beer pong. The score was pretty even and with your pre-party drinks you were feeling really good. Raising your hand, you sunk the ball into one of the cups. “HA!” you teased.

Chace threw his ball and it landed in one of your cups. You downed the drink quickly, hoping to win this game as fast as possible and make a run for it.

There were only two cups left on Chace’s side, and four left on yours when you heard Sebastian shout out, calling your name.

“Oh no,” you whispered.

“There she is!” Sebastian said as you felt him come to stand behind you. “Chris, this is my dear friend Jessica, the one I’ve told you about.”

Sebastian placed a hand on your shoulder and there was no going back now. Slowly, you turned around to face the man you were in love with; the man whom you hadn’t spoken to in over ten years.

Chris’ eyes widened when he saw it was you who was standing in front of him. “Jessica?!?!?” he asked with both confusion and excitement before wrapping his large arms around you and squeezing you to his chest. You had to admit, it felt great being back in his arms again; the swirl of emotion tugging at your heartstrings.

“Wait wait wait wait wait a damn minute,” Sebastian barked; Chris’ arms still tightly wrapped around your frame. “You two know each other?”

Chris let go of you and instead placed his hands on your bare arms. His eyes bore into yours as you felt your face heat up. It had been too long since you last seen him, last heard his voice, and every emotion you had placed on the back burner came rushing back to the center.

“We grew up together. We’ve known each other since kindergarten,” Chris blurted out, a large smile plastered on his face.

You could feel Sebastian’s gaze on you as you slowly turned your head to face him. He looked disappointment, and sad even and it made your heart break.

The room felt stuffy; suffocating you and with everything happening, you felt like you couldn’t breathe. Your breaths were coming up short and you tore your gaze away from Sebastian. “I…I need a minute,” you rasped out as you hastily made your way to the sliding glass door to the balcony.

The fresh night air felt wonderful on your heated skin as you took deep breaths in through your nose; exhaling through your mouth. Your body and heart were beginning to betray you. Years you spent getting over Chris, getting over the fact that he somewhat acted like you didn’t even exist. Yet now, when you see him, your body immediately clung to him, missing the way he felt in your arms; how manly he smelt. But worst of all was your heart.

So many emotions were running through your body in this moment, you could barely keep up; anger being the most prominent. Seeing Chris again after all this time, knowing you had reached out to him dozens of times before giving up, made you so angry that he didn’t contact you back. Love was another one coursing through your veins. Fuck you loved Chris so much. You had been in love with him for years, but you finally broke that feeling, only for it to come all crashing down on you again.

Gripping the balcony railing in your hands, you dipped your head down; unsure of where this was going to go. You didn’t have time to take another breath before you heard the balcony door open; his voice ringing in your ears.

“Jess,” was all he said in his soft voice to make your heart melt all over again.

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jedivszombie · 3 years

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Tumblr Tag Game

Thank you for tagging me @liam-lawson, you’re a sweetheart and ily 💖✨

1. Why did you choose your url?

I created this URL when I was like 15 for my second twitter account and it combines my love for Star Wars with my love for zombies (and at the time I was hardcore into zombies) and it just kind of became my brand!

2. Any side blogs?

As it says in the description on my blog ‘no sideblogs just an everything blog’. So no I don’t have a sideblog!

3. How long have you been on tumblr?

With this blog it is coming up to 9 years (2012-present day) but I first used tumblr in 2009 for a year.

4. Do you have a queue tag?

I do, it’s jedivsqueue (very nifty if I do say so myself!)

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

I started Sixth Form and a bunch of my friends were using tumblr and I was like ‘fuck it I miss tumblr’ and so I decided to create this blog. If you dare to go far enough back you’ll see I basically used it like a little log of what I was up to in Sixth Form, and my friends and I used to just chat.

But my old blog I started because I found out about tumblr through some chatrooms I was on and decided to give it a shot because I was super lonely and it seemed like a cool place.

Either way you look at it I started my blogs because I was looking to connect with people in some way (sorry to get deep lads but that’s how it is) and look at me now - I’m basically an F1/random shit blog!

6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

My icon is from a picrew I was tagged in AGES ago and it’s basically me in one of my favourite teams gear with the bi flag in the background. I feel like it captures me quite well whilst also being like the ideal version of myself.

7. Why did you choose your header?

On desktop I have a photo I took on holiday in Miami that I love because I love neon and the contrast between the neon outline of the building against the sunsetting in the sky bangs hard. On mobile I have a header that @justdrivee very graciously made me!

8. What’s your post with the most notes?

My Seb fancam is my most popular post of this year but my all time most popular post is my Susie fancam from last year!

9. How many mutuals do you have?

I have 164 mutuals (thank you to xkit for helping me figure that out!) a lot of them are inactive though, like I think I maybe have between 50-70 active mutuals?

10. How many followers do you have?

I currently have 628 followers (and honestly I have no idea how or why so many people follow me and every time I get a new follower I am baffled)

11. How many people do you follow?

421 and I try to keep it around the 400 mark!

12. Have you ever made a shit post?

Yes a lot of my posts are shitposts, especially F1 ones.

13. How often do you use tumblr a day?

At the moment I’m on it a lot more than I would be if I was at work tbh.

14. Did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog?

Well I got some Anon hate a while back after defending two of my pals and I am fairly certain that person has a tumblr so I guess that counts. I have had disagreements with friends from tumblr but never like on tumblr.

15. How do you feel about the ‘you need to reblog’ posts?

As someone who makes fairly mediocre fancams and moodboards (in comparison to my pals and other content creators) but who puts a lot of time and effort into them like it does suck to receive more likes than reblogs.

Personally, I know sometimes I don’t always reblog posts and like them because I might be scrolling and not have the energy to actually reblog and tag the way I want to - which may sound weird or a cop out but I will go back into my likes later and reblog them unless it’s a super bad brain day.

I do my best to support the content creators on here and while we do make content mainly for ourselves (like all of my fancams are super freaking niche because they’re for me and like maybe 5 other people I think might like them) but to work hard on something and it gets like 100 notes but only like 30 are reblogs it’s like ???? so I can only imagine what it’s like for people who make the incredible gifs and fancams on tumblr.

16. Do you like tag games?

I love tag games! Never met a tag game I didn’t absolutely adore! Sometimes it takes me an age to do and then I go back and do like 10 at once BUT I love doing them and it makes my heart go all whoosh when people tag me in them, especially ones about getting to know people better. As you guys know I love to talk!

17. Do you like ask games?

I adore ask games (can’t you tell?)! I love interacting with people and sending them cool asks or telling them what their vibe is or whatever and I love it when people do the same for me on anon or off anon - especially when I’m having a bad time.

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

Honestly I am so bad at judging this because truly I think so many of my mutuals are tumblr famous - so basically pretty much all of you guys I consider f1blr famous.

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

Yes all my mutuals are gorgeous and wonderful

20. Tags!

I am tagging: @renaultz, @sirroscoehamilton, @racinglesbian, @blesshimvettel, @p1tstop, @rinusveekay, @laptimedeleted, @babysdrivers, @flovviz, @sunshine-ricciardo, @formulakay, @formulinos, @powertrains, @sebeestian, @evepiastri, @gp2engine, @alonsista and @georgerussellls

#tagged in #about maisie #thanks for the tag nina!#no pressure to do this if you don't wanna #long post

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