#because SOMETIMES i see so much work that my brain thinks its IMPOSSIBLE

[idolatrybarbie]

the world tipped on its side

epilogue - a sip or a spoonful

series masterlist | read on ao3

pairing: francisco "frankie" morales x f!reader

word count: 1.9k

rating & summary: mature | he wants all of your love.

warnings: hospitals, angst, hurt/comfort, fluff and feels, discussion of surgery and anesthesia.

notes: we have reached the end of this months-long delve into emotions, disability and family! omg - it's really insane to think that this lil' fic brought me some amazing new friends and introduced me to a great new writing community. twtois is my baby, and i love these two. i hate to say goodbye, but all good stories must come to an end. thank you to everyone who has followed me because of this fic, and/or showed this fic any love. it was a gamble writing about disability - as in, no one coulda read this fic and we would not be here - but like frankie i am a gambling man. and it paid off! so thank you again, and i hope you enjoy.

You’re stuck in the waiting room. Doctors won’t let you past the threshold of the medical floor, so here you are. Family only. Try as you might, the assertion still stings. He’s going to be okay. He has to be. It’s the only thing keeping you from losing your mind.

This ultimate curve ball you’ve been thrown has you reflecting, the flimsy chair you’ve chosen threatening to create a human spill of you at any second. Things with Frankie are easy. You have no clue why you ever wished for anything to come along and complicate that. Except that’s not entirely true—another lie, but you’re getting better at catching yourself.

When you’ve spent so much time acquainted with pain and uncertainty, the lack of it becomes a foreign concept. Existence without struggle is like pulling teeth. Feeling that free-flowing ease that Frankie somehow provides in droves still sometimes makes your skin crawl. It's a learning process. But nothing could possibly be scarier than the thought of losing him. You learned that today. Every other fear, all discomfort you hold fades to the background. He and you are inextricably linked.

A man bursts through the doors of the E.R., a whirlwind for your mind to grasp onto amid the sea of sterile white pain. He’s a bit shorter than Frankie, skin beige and brow creased as he strides through the waiting area like he’s on a mission. His walk makes him impossibly familiar: the way he wears his shoulders like earrings, toddling in the slightest with every right step. When he reaches the front desk and speaks to the attending nurse, his spine only relaxes slightly.

Of course you eavesdrop on their conversation.

“Here to see Francisco Morales,” the man says, speaking precisely.

“I’m afraid he’s not accepting any visitors right now,” the nurse replies.

“You’re looking at his emergency contact. Santiago Garcia…you look it up, you’ll see me.” His words are forceful; a slap across the face with an order to stand at attention.

You mumble an, “Excuse me,” and join Santiago at the attendant's desk. “How is he?”

“Ma’am, I already told you—”

“Please. I’m his…girlfriend,” you say. The word tastes weird in your mouth.

Speaking to Santiago, the nurse says, “I can speak to you. I can’t speak to her.”

Rolling your eyes, you push yourself away from the desk and walk back to your seat. Rubbing fingers into your temples brings no relief to the steadily growing tension headache at your forehead. Your brain is working overtime, thoughts echoing as you try and take deep breaths.

He’s going to be okay.

“Ma’am?”

You’re expecting the nurse again, ready to ask you to vacate the waiting room to make space for the family of someone else—someone more important than him. You fix your mouth to tell her to get bent before you see who it is. Santiago.

“Oh, um—hi,” is all you manage.

He takes the seat next to you, keeping his back straight against the bendy top rail of the chair. “Frankie didn’t tell me he was seeing anybody,” are the first real words to you from this virtual stranger.

“It’s new.”

“I’m glad someone else is here,” he says, presenting you with a hand to shake. You take it, grasp firm around the bones of his knuckles before you let go.

He’s got palms like Frankie’s. Scarred and worn with use, from carrying a gun. From killing people, the back of your mind whispers. You ignore it. What was it that Frankie had said about this Santiago?

“He’s the only one still doing military shit these days…a bit of an asshole. You two probably wouldn’t get along.”

And then there was that other thing—the medical death wish. Perhaps an urge not entirely reserved at the hands of a doctor if he’s out there pretending to be G.I. Joe while all his friends have retired. Suddenly, unfortunately, you understand this Santiago Garcia better than most people you’ll ever meet. The pang of jealousy that hit your stomach at his materialization dissolves as you finally make proper eye contact. You introduce yourself. He does the same, telling you to call him Santi.

“Did they say anything about his condition?”

“He’s fine,” Santi shakes his head. “Just giving him a few to recoup, taking a couple tests.” Silence lingers a while before he broaches the topic of your relationship: when, where, how long. He asks nicely enough that you find yourself answering.

“We met on this stupid fucking movie,” you say. “I needed a helicopter and a pilot to fly it. And I’m sure you know he’s the best.”

“Oh, for sure,” Santi agrees. “You made the right decision.”

“Wasn’t me actually,” you say. Despite yourself, a smile creeps along your face. “My best friend—Mia. She’d worked with him before and it just happened to work out… I don’t know. Strange series of events.”

“Sounds like Frankie.” When you give him a questioning look, Santi explains, “He has a habit of finding himself in unconventional situations. Like crashin’ a fucking helicopter, for example.” The breathy laugh that accompanies his words should lift your spirits, but it doesn’t.

A drop of water falls to the back of your hand, and before your brain can catch up, you’re sobbing in the emergency department waiting room. The pliable chair beneath you threatens to fold with every sob that wracks your body. Santiago sits next to you, frozen in uncertainty.

“Sorry,” you say, voice garbled with tears. “I—it feels like my fault. He shouldn’t have been there in the first place.”

“Look, hey. Listen,” Santi starts, “People like us, like Frankie and me…we do dangerous shit. It comes with the job description. That’s the deal we cut.”

You don’t want that. Not for Frankie, not for Santiago. Not for anyone. You love what you do—what you did, before the accident. You know there is no reward without risk, but somehow that doesn't seem quite fair. The hardship you’ve endured is a different sort of pain, but you know regardless. No one should have to live that life.

“But I can tell you that these last few months, Frankie’s been the happiest I’ve seen him since his kid was born. He’s not one for show ‘n tell, so I wasn’t sure why. But I am now.”

“You don’t have to say that.”

“Sweetheart, with all due respect, I don’t say anything that I don’t mean.” He averts his gaze now, staring out at nothing as he says, “Frankie’s been through a lot. Done a lot. I don’t know what he’s told you. But I do know when that man cares about something, he will do anything in his power to get back to it.”

You get tissues from the nurse’s desk, settling in. You’re in the middle of trading Catfish tales when you freeze mid-sentence. The man himself stands before you—patched up and limping, but alive. They’ve taken his clothes and given him a hideous set of toothpaste green scrubs. You practically rush him, pulling Frankie close in a bear hug. The material crinkles like paper beneath you.

Your nose brushes against his jaw, the smell of him under soap and cleaner. Frankie carefully wraps his arms around you in turn. The action warms your skin, bringing you in from the cold.

“You’re okay,” you whisper.

“I’m okay,” he confirms. Frankie pulls back from the hug to look at you. “You saved me.”

“I don’t think—”

“You did. Thank you.”

“Always.” The word falls from your mouth like second nature.

Frankie must spot Santiago over your shoulder, giving him a nod before he pulls you in for another, briefer hug. Then he moves to Santi. You watch as they pat each other on the back like brothers. The shorter man paws at Frankie’s shoulders to get a firm grasp. They share a deep, concentrated stare; their communication is all in the eyes. Maybe that’s where Frankie gets it from. Regardless, you can’t decipher it. Whatever the two men share stays between them. Frankie embraces Santiago, lifting him an inch off the floor for effect.

“Alright,” Santi huffs. “Put me down, Fish.”

“I see you two have already met,” Frankie says as he steps away.

“Quite the lady you got here.”

“He was telling me some stories about your first deployment together,” you say.

“You got here right in time,” Santi says. “Was just about to tell her about how you got that call sign.”

“I think that’s enough storytelling for tonight,” Frankie says resolutely.

You narrow your eyes at him with a laugh. “You can’t escape me, Catfish. I’ll find out sooner or later.”

They let you take Frankie to your car in a wheelchair. Santiago makes Frankie promise to call him before he walks it back to the hospital doors. Frankie’s seat sits at an incline, letting him lay down while he stays buckled in. He looks exhausted, thoroughly worn down and ready for days of bed rest.

“We’re headed home, okay?” you say, readjusting the seat cushion beneath you at a red light. “You’re gonna sleep, and then when you wake up we can order food. That sound alright?”

Your fingers tap against the center console, a tick you’ve picked up from Frankie’s own car habits. You stop when he takes your hand into his own, squeezing gently. He looks up at you with round eyes, dark circles beneath them. He’s okay.

“I’m already there,” Frankie says.

-

You hate hospitals. The smell of antiseptic can never truly hide the stench of death. Your dad died in one; the possibility of living life as you loved it was robbed from you in a room just like this. And yet here you are putting your faith in this hospital, the doctors that work within its walls, and the spirit of hope that lingers here. Or maybe that's just Frankie.

They've got you in a gown, laid out and waiting. Soon enough, the anesthesiologist will come in with another doctor and stick you with a needle. You'll count back from ten...and light outs. It won't be up to you anymore.

Until then, Frankie's by your side. Holding your hand, kissing your forehead. Talking to you about nothing, really, but you like to hear his voice. He stops you short when he asks, "Where do you want to go first?"

"What?"

"When everything is, y’know, said and done. If you could go anywhere?" he explains.

"Home. In a wheelchair. I won't be doing much of anything," you say.

"Come on, just—anywhere."

You laugh. "Frankie, there's nowhere to go. What, are you gonna wheel me across Europe?"

"If you want," he says.

"You are ridiculous."

"And you still love me for it. Where?” Frankie insists. He's not letting this go.

You sigh as you answer, "I don't know. I kind of liked that story you told about Michigan. With the snow."

"The one where I almost froze to death?"

"Yeah, that one. Except maybe we skip out on that part this time," you say.

"There are more glamourous destinations,” Frankie says.

"You said anywhere. That's where I want."

"The great state of Michigan.” He leans back in the plush seat beneath him. “Okay. I think I can make that happen." His phone chimes. Frankie pulls it from his pocket to take a look. "Mia's on her way."

"What? Why?"

"I called her," he admits.

"She won't be here in time, and then I'll be in surgery for a while," you say. Five hours. Three hundred minutes, give or take, to make or break your life. "I won't be discharged for a few days."

"I'll be here. We both will," Frankie says.

"You don't have to—"

"I'll be here," he repeats, firmer this time. The look in his eyes is fierce; halfway between love and a safety net, your own face reflecting back at you.

Part of you, jagged and lingering, wants to call his bluff—expect the worst and you aren't disappointed when it happens. But no, Frankie looks serious. His face is stone, jaw set tight as he holds your gaze. You have no choice but to trust him. Forever and always.

So you nod, squeezing his hand. "Okay."

tags! @wannab-urs @iamskyereads @anoverwhelmingdin

#frankie morales #frankie morales x reader #triple frontier fanfiction #santiago garcia #pedrostories #fic: the world tipped on its side #pedro pascal fanfiction

[jennilah]

I think i started to follow you bc of tiny!cas, like eons ago, let me tell you seeing you get into different fandoms over the years has been a delight.

I remember seeing post of you going like 'hey these slasher film kinda go hard' and look at you know.

I mean this in the best way possible, I feel i've been watching a house plant grow, every now and then catching my attention and being amazed by the changes

omg thats such a sweet way of describing my... well happy autism awareness day everyone, its a nice way of describing the way i naturally transition through my Special Interests lmfao

actually, for the holiday, let me infodump about this very aspect of my brain to anyone who isnt aware how this works for me. (also every autistic person is different, so this is just how this symptom manifests in me)

ill say "phases" to simplify, though thats an unfair word because it implies im "over" my past phases. 99% of my past phases are pretty much there for life, but in the back of my mind. (So long as I didnt have a "bad breakup" with it for some reason, which is rare but happens) The ability to become a raving lunatic about it is dormant until someone asks the right question.

There can only be one interest (sometimes 2, with one being the less dominant one) at the forefront of my brain at a time, though. that defines the "phase".

so for example, my recent Halloween phase is "over" and I am 100% fully into Saw now, but I still absolutely love Halloween and Michael and Jason and all those guys. as evident by me still happily sharing gifsets and art and buying merch etc if it tickles my fancy. They're just hanging out in the background of my mental display case.

yea whoever follows my tumblr for a very long time has watched it happen in realtime. the transition between interests. i know for a fact which phase I started this blog on. if you're here from the beginning, youve seen, in order:

-Durarara!! -Deus Ex -Supernatural -Godzilla -Detroit: Become Human -There was like a few weeks where it was HLVRAI -And then it was plants. There was a year-long stretch with no Special Interest and I was latching onto odd things (and I was very inactive here) -Halloween & Friday the 13th -and now, Saw

I have many other things I love, but they don't clamp around my brain in quite the same extreme way.

my phases can last any amount of time, anywhere from a few short intense months to 5+ years, its completely random, completely unpredictable. even the interest itself is impossible to predict. its not something i choose, its something that happens to me.

sometimes i avoid watching things for a long time because im still very emotionally attached to my current phase and im genuinely afraid the shiny new thing will replace it. all art or fic ideas for the previous phase? theyll be abandoned. all I will want to create will be related to the new thing. (though I will sometimes draw it anyway, like digging up old toys to play with once in a while. The likelihood just drops considerably)

which is why right now i pretty much put a pause on the other franchises I plan on watching. I'm genuinely gripping onto Saw like someone is tryin to take it from me.

and then sometimes im like "haha yeah right. ill be fine. ill eat my shoe if my brain latches to this" and then put on the movie and by the credits roll im a new person (yes thats what happened with Saw. I really had no idea.)

this is also why im terrified of even just "checking out" things that have, like, a toxic fanbase or something, because i cant stop a new phase from happening if it does. and its really hard to keep it to myself, fuck

(do u know how mad i was when i realized i was attaching to hoffman the evil dirty cop??? i was so scared of drawing him, dudes. but thankfully everyones been cool abt it and we're all very aware of his awfulness & we have fun w it)

and every time my brain changes and i do get obsessed with some new thing, i get really scared and worried and hope I dont bother everyone who followed me for something else :(((( and yet, every time, im absolutely floored by how many people choose to tolerate my newest nonsense and stick around anyway

anyway ive lost the plot of what point i was making here OH YEAH thank you!

tl;dr: that would be the autism! thank you, it WILL happen again! that is a threat! 🥰

#jennilargh #jenna answers

[shannonsketches]

Was writing when I came up with a headcanon question for you. What do you think Ganondorf did when, after conquering Hyrule and eliminating all resistance, he was left with basically nothing to do except wait around for leads on the Triforce (which never came) and just like... basically languish in his victory? What was that like for him, in your opinion?

I'm so sorry for the wait on this one, I started to answer it, second-guessed if I remembered things right, didn't, started again, put it down, and then forgot what I was doing lol

I hc Gan as a bit of a workaholic, so while I definitely do think he touched the castle bricks and really soaked in his This Is Mine Now moment, I like to think after he dominated Castle Town it didn't take him very long to be back to strong-arming the other nations, both in search of Zelda and also just to punish them for not complying with the sacred gems.

In my headcanons I imagine there were three things that never really let him relax at first:

Where the hell did that kid's body go? He had the Ocarina.

Where the hell is the princess? How is Impa hiding her this well?

What the fuck is going on with my brain/body since I got this triforce

1 I think he figured out very quickly, when reports of this boy seemed like he was showing up with impossible knowledge and skill, and knowing he'd had the Ocarina, which prompted him to start working on setting up some long-game traps.

2 I think took him the entire seven years, and it wasn't until Sheik started appearing wherever Link would be that he put that together. He'd heard rumors of a Sheikah running around Hyrule a few years into his search, assumed it was Impa, and sent minions out (and they, of course, would not be returning).

As much fun as the Sheik Manga Lore is, in the game, Ganondorf can feel the Triforce resonating and knew Zelda had a part of it when he found her, so I really enjoy the idea that if he got too close to Sheik, they'd both feel it, and Sheik would have to find an escape route quick before Gan could spot him and start connecting dots. High Stakes Metal Detector Tag.

And 3 is really mostly my hc that Gan dealt with a slow descent into madness while trying to control the power and its influence over him, which I'm sure Twinrova could help with some, but not much.

I think the novelty faded really quickly for him. He won a battle, but his war was bigger than Hyrule's throne, and that war was not yet won. I think he was often terribly bored, because he had no real challenges except for playing a relentless game of Where's Waldo with a highly trained ninja across five different territories, plus whatever expanses of land we don't see in the game.

So tldr I think he probably just bullied the neighbors (gorons, zora, kokiri) a lot for fun, and sometimes hung out in Gerudo Valley to bask in some praise before going to hunt down Impa and Zelda again. And, yknow, generally tried not to lose his mind to the godshard.

#ganondorf #headcanons #thank you i loved this question i hope your project is going well! #lozhc

[devsgames]

We Need To Talk About "Flow"

(This blog post originally from My Patreon. Please consider becoming a patron to support me and the games I make!)

The idea of "Flow" or the "Flow state" is one of those concepts that come up a lot in game design, most frequently by beginner designers who have recently learned what it is. I typically notice it tends to be thrown around as a benchmark of 'good' game design, or acts as an objective for game designers to design towards in their work. 

However I've always noticed that senior designers - myself included - don't really incorporate it all that much into the design process. I think there's a good reason for this; once you work on games for a stretch of time you start to see how the idea of 'flow' has a number of limitations that make it at best a useful experiential descriptor and at worst a muddy goalpost to meet.

I think there's a few reasons for this, but broadly I think it's largely because 'Flow' is not a useful lens through which to view your gameplay.

"Flow" is subjective between players

The obvious problem with flow is that it's tied to a player's psyche, and as we all know, everyone's got a different brain. Some players will meet flow states in high-intensity action-packed combat sessions, while some players will meet flow states by running around an island picking up fruit. The flow triggers aren't the same or overarching, which makes it hard to gauge what 'flow' means for different players.

No two players are alike in this regard, which necessitates narrowing down demographics for your game in order to hone in on which kind of player you're aiming to lock into a flow state in the first place, but even still you may find what creates a flow for some doesn't for others.

"Flow" is not a quantifiable metric

Flow as a concept cannot be easily quantified. We can't say 'if a player plays 15 hours then they're in flow' or 'if they complete 4 levels then they've got flow', and even a player's own perception about what the 'flow' is can vary. Coming to agreeable terms on what "Flow" for the player means can be difficult, especially as in some cases players could be in a flow state and not be able to realize it, which makes testing if a design has achieved some sort of 'flow' goal impossible. Since it's so nebulous to identify and varies between person to person it makes it difficult to incorporate 'Flow' into your conversations in a way that is meaningful.

"Flow" isn't a useful benchmark for a design goal

Since we can't really easily quantify or even 'prove' the flow state, it's difficult to create an achievable goal out of it. We can't say a goal for our gameplay is to "put the player in a flow state" because as we've established that 'flow' varies wildly from person to person and can't accurately be measured.

That means flow as a benchmark or goal for your gameplay in this way is useless, as its usefulness as a goalpost falls off completely once we realize there is no (and may never be) a commonly understood language for speaking to it.

To some extent stating 'flow' is a goal for your gameplay is roughly equivalent to saying a goal of your game is to be 'engaging' - it's such a broad and aimless statement that it might as well not be said at all.

That being said...

"Flow" is not, and should not always be, the goal

I think it's generally narrow-minded to assume or imply that the goal of every game is implicitly to maintain a flow state for extended periods of time. Not only at a fundamental level does that feel reductive to games in general, flow-breaking is also an important tool of design.

Sometimes games need to consciously break this state - dying in an action game and hitting a load screen, while disappointing, is often a necessary act of flow disruption that gives players a moment to recuperate themselves, just as abruptly breaking a narrative pattern in a horror game and distressing a player can act as a subversion that makes the experience more engaging. It's not necessarily maintaining the flow sate all the way through, but intentionally breaking it at times the player needs it.

So is "Flow" useless?!

No! Flow is often an excellent marker to tell if your design is working.

It's when a playtester says to themselves "just one more level". It's when you're bugtesting a build and notice yourself accidentally playing the game and having fun. It's when a player doesn't notice how much time has gone by because they're too enthralled by the experience. It's when you feel the 'tunnel vision' pulling you into the gameplay for a few moments. Flow is a momentary reassurance that means you're still moving things in a good direction because a player has been engaged, but it isn't the end-all-be-all of the game itself.

The issue, in my eyes, is when when Flow is thought of as metric rather than a smaller element of design in the puzzle of your game's overarching gameplay.

Do you want players to be in a flow state while playing your game? Sure, that's a safe bet! But if you start fixating on how your game is built around flow then you might find yourself hunting down an unachievable goal.

#gamedev #game development #indie games #indie game #game dev #gamedevelopment #indiegames #indie dev #indiedev #video game #video games #thoughts #blog

[saturn-sends-hugs]

Fuck it, I’m seeing a lot of talk about Echo being a picky eater recently and I think I want to add my two neurodivergent cents to it lol

Firstly, I think it’s important to note that Echo is autistic. I know this hasn’t been stated anywhere or anything, but listing out his character quirks makes it pretty clear.

He repeats orders, arguing with his batch when they don’t follow them, and worries about doing things wrong. This feels like a safety thing to me, almost like telling kids in class to be quiet when the teacher is talking for no other reason than it feels right and them breaking rules is stressful. (can you tell I’m speaking from experience cause this whole post will be me speaking from experience bkshsjsks)

He reads and memorizes the reg manuals, liking to be caught up on the latest versions. Again, this feels like a safety thing; him wanting to know how things will work ahead of time so he can be prepared in every situation.

He doesn’t like being wrong, like when we see him refusing to back down on thinking the Seperatists Senator’s distress call is a trap (Avi Singh I think?). Even when the evidence starts poking holes in his theory, he doesn’t want to let it go. I’m not sure how to explain how this relates to autism other than that fact that autistic people just don’t like being wrong? Like it’s just hard to admit that and it’s almost scary to change your mind like that sometimes? Idrk honestly, I’m DEFINITELY not an expert lol, just saying my piece

So many of Echo’s character quirks relate directly to autism, and all of them are things I strongly relate to. (yes this is why he’s my favorite shush)

But most of all is his picky eating. And uh, this might actually get a tad heavy here but I hope this can maybe share an accurate perspective on it?

Many autistic people are fairly picky eaters, something I’ve definitely struggled with since I was born. We see Echo being skeptical of food multiple times, especially when they’re new to him. We see him eating rations bars, which would be familiar, without a second thought, but new things he’s extremely hesitant to try.

With that in mind and the headcanon (kinda) that he’s autistic, this sounds a lot like ARFID to me.

ARFID (Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder) is tricky to describe since there’s nothing conscious to it, its just somewhat of a mental hurdle? Like there’s a point you just can’t cross no matter what, a bit like ADHD and executive dysfunction, expect a lot stronger lol. It’s pretty much just picky eating to the extreme that a person cannot control and just makes your choices extremely limited when it comes to food.

This makes it difficult (ahem, impossible) to do seemingly basic things like trying absolutely any new foods. There are a few safe ones, maybe even a category of foods that are almost completely safe (for me: most deserts or fruits), but anything outside of that is different, it’s new, and it does not feel safe. When I say picky eating to the extreme, I mean extreme. If I’m literally starving, haven’t eaten in way too long, but the only things available aren’t safe foods? Well too bad guess I’m not eating today 🤷 It’s not much of a choice, it’s just being trapped by your own neurodivergent brain 🫠🫠🫠

It can feel childish and incredibly alienating to constantly turn down new foods or restaurants, or to order the same thing every time from a restaurant, off the kids menu or with special requests, and I just think that piece is being missed in Echo’s picky eating. Now I’m not telling anyone to stop making it a humorous thing cause it totally is in the show, but hey, I’m always here for the angst potential :)

Like what if the reason Echo still looks malnourished after joining the batch is because his safe foods like typical rations just aren’t readily available after the Empire springs up? What if the batch is on shore leave and decide to go to a restaurant and Echo has to either turn them down and explain, or force himself to go and try to tough it out? What if one of the batch makes a joke about Echo’s picky eating, just trying to make conversation or something, but Echo just fully shuts down? Maybe even Domino would joke about it at first, until Fives learned better and started helping Echo, but uhoh now he’s gone and Echo has to figure things out all over again with a new batch 🥲

Is this a fictional character that was grossed out by foods like two times and I’m just heavily projecting onto? Yeah, sure, but hey, I’d love to see more people recognizing this side of it and maybe connecting with it too :)

@gentle-hero-blog thanks for letting me sob abt this literally the minute u got home bkshsjskk <3333

#picky eater echo is so incredibly important to me #i could explain more abt arfid if that’s something anyone wanted (and honestly i might vent post abt it some day cause oof it sucks) #but i wanted to keep this one more echo focused than just ranty lol 😅 #arc trooper echo #tbb echo #saturn sends thoughts #and feels stupid abt it lol #was i mid sob session while writing this because a joke directed at echo sent me into a mini panic attack maybe maybe but it’s fineeeeee #we love uncovering almost forgotten trauma from random things abt ur comfort character 🫠 #way too early in the morning to be venting abt this 😅

[corrodedcoffinkid]

hurt/comfort autistic!eddie munson x steve where theyre at the store and its more crowded than usual, and the amount of people, noise, and bright lights overwhelm eddie too much?

people tend to ignore the fact that autism isnt just at home and it bothers me, sometimes you need to calm down right then and there. you dont choose when to have meltdowns it can happen anywhere and you cant just go find a quiet private place to calm down in a crowded store

i’m gonna be honest i’ve completely avoided writing eddie having a metldown in public because it reminds me of my own public meltdowns and i Don’t Like That

“Cereal, cereal, cereal,” Eddie says, following Steve down the isles of the grocery store. The word’s been stuck on his tongue for a while now. It sounds nice, doesn’t it? “Cereal, cereal, cereal.”

The repetition of the word… it feels nice to him- soothes him a bit. The lights buzzing in the grocery store are deafening today. Plus, it’s busy, and Eddie swears his brain is trying to process everyone’s conversations all at once.

“Eds?”

“Hm?“ Eddie hums, pausing his vocal stim.

“Are you okay?”

Eddie nods. “Fine.”

Liar, he thinks. Eddie knows he isn’t fine, but he doesn’t want to embarrass Steve. All he really wants to do is leave, go home, and enjoy complete silence. Meanwhile, he’s sure all Steve wants to do is have one peaceful outing for God’s sake.

Tears well up in Eddie’s eyes at the thought of embarrassing his boyfriend.

Then, it happens.

Somebody in another isle drops something. Eddie doesn’t know what. He hears the impact, then the shattering. Have the lights always been this loud? This bright?

“Eddie? Eddie?” Steve watches helplessly as his boyfriend covers his ears, and curls in on himself in the middle of the cereal isle. Thighs to chest, Eddie starts to rock himself back and forth.

It’s too loud, it’s too much. He can’t do this.

He’s crying now- crying to make it stop, out of embarrassment, out of sadness.

Steve realizes they’ve attracted a crowd. Eddie’s head is tucked into his legs now- too embarrassed to look up. Steve shoos the crowd away. “Nothing to see here- move along.”

Abandoning any and all intentions of getting groceries today, Steve crouches down next to Eddie. Still rocking himself, Eddie doesn’t look up. “Hey,” Steve says softly, “We’re going home, okay?”

“N-No, we-we need to get groceries! You said we needed to get groceries!”

Steve sighs. How could Eddie possibly be more worried about finishing shopping than his own well being? “I’ll come back later, it’s fine! I’m more worried about you than our produce!”

Sniffling, Eddie shakes his head. “No! I’m just- I’m just a freak! We can’t do anything without me acting like a fucking freak!”

Ignoring the hurtful words, Steve grabs Eddie and stands him up. Eddie whines, squeezing his eyes shut. Those lights are impossibly bright. Steve leads him to the car, ignoring Eddie’s protests. “I don’t care about the groceries, Eds. We’re going home.”

To Eddie’s surprise, Steve doesn’t sit him in the passenger’s seat. Instead, he piles them both in the back of the car. Steve lays Eddie down in the backseat, resting his head in his lap. “Deep breaths, baby.”

“I-I-I’m so-orry.”

“Shh, shh,” Steve coos. “Take a deep breath with me.”

Steve coaches Eddie’s breathing- careful in making sure he’s not hyperventilating. “Good job,” Steve says, “One more deep breath for me.”

Eddie does as told. Steve’s right, he does feel a little better now. The panic and overstimulation is easing up, but the embarrassment and sadness couldn’t be stronger. “I’m sorry,” Eddie says again.

“You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I embarrass you!“ Eddie cries out. “We can’t go anywhere without me acting like a fr-”

“Eddie Munson.” Steve looks down, meets Eddie’s eyes. “Don’t you dare say that again. You. Are. Not. A. Freak.”

“Y-Yes I-I am!”

“Being overstimulated doesn’t make you a freak, Eds. Your brain just works differently- that’s all.” Steve thinks for a moment. “Besides, without that beautiful brain of your’s, you wouldn’t be able to do what you love.”

Eddie’s eyebrows furrow in confusion.

“Well, think about it. You feel things so intensely. Even if sometimes those feelings are bad… think about when they’re good! You’re so, so good at the guitar, Eds… better than anybody I’ve ever met. Plus, you know more about DnD than any guy I know!”

“E-Even Dustin?”

“Even Dustin.”

Eddie sighs, “Do you… Do you get embarrassed by me? Be honest.”

Almost instantly, Steve answers, “No. You could never make me embarrassed to love you, Eddie.”

“Promise?”

Steve wipes away a tear from Eddie’s cheek. “I promise.”

#eddie munson #autistic eddie munson #stranger things #steddie #angst #eddie munson autism #steve harrington #sensoryissues!eddie #steveandeddie #adamwrites

[misty-zzz]

Broken Titans chapter 6!

I rewrote this chapter, because I was having to research about smth that i ended up not using lol

     “Hey, ‘bro, should they wake up sometime soon?”

     “Soon they should, just a few more minutes, I think.”

     “Yeah, we should let them rest for a little longer then.”

     Tootoo lays out, struggling to wake up. She moves her hand through the purple sand of ethereal island. Eventually rolling over, opening their eyes. She sees a small town not too far away. She turns over, to fiddlement. They were starting to wake up. “Fiddlement, we’re here.” She looks at their friend.  “Ethereal island?” Fiddlement floats up. Tootoo nods, smiling. “There’s a town over there, maybe a monster could help?” Tootoo stands up. Together they head to the town.  

     “Oh hey! It’s those 2!” A strange cat looking monster flies at them. “Strange to see visitors, but y’know, welcome either way. Or maybe 3 element ethereals? Eh, that’s kinda impossible.” The cat looks at them, with its yellow eyes. “Hey, I’m ghazt, and you must be…” Ghazt holds out his hand, paws? “It’s Tootoo and Fiddlement.” Tootoo goes to give the cat a handshake, which he promptly takes away his paw, saying “Too slow!” He laughs. “Well, Tootoo and fiddlement, what are you 2 doing here anyways?”

     “We’re here to find the wubbox, have you seen it around here?”

     “The Wubbox, yeah I’ve seen it around. Last time I saw it was around Reebro’s workshop. I’ll bring you there, maybe Reebro might know where it ran off to.”

     The 2 follow the ghazt, which they enter the town of ethereal island. Neither Tootoo nor fiddlement have been in a town. Light island wasn’t anything like this. Although Pompom did visit plant island a lot, which has a big city on it. 

     They walk down the side walks. Spotting some of the residents of the island there. Notably, a Sox, playing jazz on the sidewalk. A Jeeode In it’s own shop, selling crystals, even though the currency is crystals, these weren’t like the ones they use to buy things. And a whisp, not doing much, but just the look of it caught their attention.

     “Where are you visiting from? I'm guessing it's a magical island. Definitely not magical sanctum.”

     “We’re from light island.” Says Fiddlement. 

     “Should've guessed, anyway, Reebro’s workshop is just right over here!” Ghazt enters the workshop. Drills stop at the sound of them entering. 

     The workshop was filled with many mechanical mechanics. The place was small, in height too, guess it’s better fit for the small owner of the place.

     “Hey Ghazt, and… aren’t those the 2 from before?” A weird mechanical monster steps up. It was still slightly organic too, but it seemed as if its brains were going to explode. “Yup, this is Tootoo and Fiddlement.” Ghazt introduces them. Reebro walks more to them, each step making a robotic sound. It takes a look at them, and then walks back, resuming on what he was working on before.

     “Was the Wubbox around here?” Fiddlement asks, they float around looking at all the things the mech monster has done. “The Wubbox? I’m not sure where it ran off to.” Reebro tinkers with the machine.

     A random burst of excitement fills the room, “Ghazt, Reebro, and, 2 little dudes!” A green and black wasp enters, having to crouch a little to fit. “Hello, Humbug,” says Ghazt. “So, what did I miss, and who are these goobers?!” Humbug’s energy was almost like Zuuker’s. “Tootoo and Fiddlement, and not much happened beside them coming to the island.” Explains Ghazt. Humbug wore a big smile on their face. He picks up Tootoo by the arms, giving her a hug! “Ack! Humbug, I- Uh,” Tootoo squirms in his arms.

     “Oh my Scaratar, sorry are you not a hugger? Should’ve asked, I’m sorry!” They drop Tootoo on the floor. “It was just unexpected.” Says Tootoo. “Welp, Reebro, whatcha working on today?” Humbug walks up to the monster. “Cool stuff.” 

     “Cool.”

     Tootoo takes a look at the little trinkets. Although, she wasn't sure what most of them were. She was still interested in them, just not sure what they were. “Anyways we’ve got to find the Wubbox dude.” Ghazt moves the exit of the shop. “The Wubbox?” Asks Humbug, “I think I saw it around the outer edges of the island, not too long ago!” 

     “Alright, we’ll check there too, c'mon Fiddlement and Tootoo.” They exit out of the building. Stepping back onto the sidewalks. Luckily the island is small, making for a short walk. “I think that’s it,” Fiddlement spots the monster, the yellow could be seen a mile away probably. Tootoo starts to run, catching up to the Wubbox. 

     A monster, which seemed to be more machine than monster, turns its head around, like an owl. The legs dangle off into the endless ocean of void below. It gets up, standing tall. Tootoo stops, realizing how big the Wubbox is. She only got to the knee of the Wubbox.

     “You finally came!” The Wubbox’s voice boomed from above. It surprised Tootoo, almost knocking her to the ground. “In that case, you’re here to ask about the titan, huh?” The Wubbox sits in a classic criss-cross-apple-sauce. It puts its hands on its knee, and leans over, looming over Tootoo. 

     Fiddlement and ghazt catch up. Fiddlement realizes how tall the Wubbox is too, even sitting down. “Woah, so this is the Wubbox.” Shocked at first, but realizing this is a monster as well. “So how can I help?” The Subbox seemed happy to answer any questions. “Well, I already know! About the titan waking up. Er, but I’m not exactly sure about that.” 

     “Oh,” Tootoo said, disappointed. The monster that supposedly had almost all answers to any questions, didn’t have this one. “But, after doing some digging here, I have released, that there might be answers around here!” The Wubbox tries to give them hope, which works. “Where?” Tootoo pops up. “I believe the cave system has it!”

     “Wait, Wubbox, you need to know, the caves are heavily restricted. They’re dangerous.” Ghazt interrupts the conversation.

     “I understand your concerns, but it could seriously help us.”

     “You’re bringing children into there too, a place where there have been no reports of some monsters coming back! We don’t even do diamond mining anymore!”

     “I’ll bring them if they want to, I’m not forcing them!” The Wubbox got annoyed but Ghazt.

     The magical 2 watches as this argument unfolds. “Should we even go?” Asks fiddlement to Tootoo. “We made it all this way. I think we’re brave enough, right?” Tootoo smiles. Fiddlememt agrees. 

     “Ok, you guys, break it up!” Tootoo yells at them. Wubbox gives ghazt a death stare, Ghazt gives one back. “I think we’re ready to go into these caves.”

     “Tootoo, I don’t think you understand the dangers of those caves.” Ghazt tries to convey Tootoo. “I think I do, and I think I’m ready to go.” Tootoo seemed confident enough. “I won’t stop you, but if you die, don’t blame anyone but yourself.” Ghazt sighs. Tootoo punches the air, repeatedly saying yes. She settles down, and looks at the wubbox. They’re ready.

#msm #my singing monsters #msm au #fanfic #au #alternate universe #msm broken titan au #OOOO #NEXT CHAPTER GUYS #GUYYYSSS

[zoejayw]

hello im back with my questions,, ty in advance !! - do u have any tips for the composition of front pages/ cover pages? like how to position the title and the text etc? - what are your thoughts on studying art you dont like? do you think its worth spending time to look at a piece and just pick out stuff u dont like so u can avoid it? - your post on your other blog about how you dont want to be a professional artist but youve also never wanted anything else just resonated with me so hard. did u find enlightenment in the ~3-4 days since u said that and could u share it w us pls and ty - i really appreciate art like yours where symbolism etc isnt extremely obvious and it means that when i revisit that work i get to discover new stuff each time!! its wonderful. any advice for making sure your art is conveying that level of info correctly and youre not overdoing it or making it so subtle that no one picks up on it?

hihi anon welcome back ill stick these under a readmore because its getting very long

i honestly have no specific advice regarding this one! i would go about treating it the same way i'd treat any other combo of images/words, where i view the space taken up by the words as it's own compositional element same as anything else. i'm very very bad at typography and i'd suggest looking at the works of people who do do typography for inspiration, because the way people who Know typography use text is soooo different from the way the rest of us plebians are doing it. but anyway, heres a few really rough examples of the way you could position text on a title page for something. you can see immediately that the aspect ratio of the areas where your other visual elements would be is wildly different between all of these things, which means you'd need a different proportioned drawing to adequately use the space in each case. so i feel like this is the kind of thing it's really important to thumb out ahead of time, just so you're not left with awkward crops or dead space once you go to add text

i think studying things you don't like is insanely critical in all areas, not just art. in many ways engaging with something you like is much more passive than engaging with something you don't. I find that on average, people are less likely to pick up on individual elements of art they like compared to art they dislike. You need a little bit of roughage for things to stick in your brain, sometimes. It has to burn going down a bit. Being able to understand and articulate what you think isn't working about a piece or a style lets you isolate elements that do work, and lets you get that much more in line with your own taste. The array of art I like is impossibly wide and varied. The stuff I explicitly and without exception dislike is a much smaller and more concrete pool of things, and knowing what those things are so I can avoid them is much more helpful for narrowing down my own technique than having five billion different styles I actively aspire to. I think analyzing stuff you dislike is also interesting when you take the time to question if what you're seeing and disliking is an area where the artist is unskilled on a technical level, and failing to execute something, or if the execution is intentional/successful but merely outside of your taste bracket. This can be kind of an arbitrary distinction at times but I find it helpful to at least give some thought to. If something feels unskilled - what would a more skillful execution look like? Would you like it then? If something is just outside of your tastes - where do you think the appeal lies for people who do find it appealing? You can get a ton of mileage out of this stuff

unfortunately i did not find enlightenment there. my problems with becoming a professional artist are not the same problems everyone else is having for the most part. there was a lot of replies on that post about how being an artist under late stage capitalism sucks and while thats true thats not whats stopping me. what's stopping me is my horrible health problems and recent development of a life ruining disability. i Can't pursue art professionally, or literally any other field, because i can't put in more than a couple hours of work a day max on anything. i had to delete that post because it was honestly really frustrating to have to sit through a bunch of tags in my notifs that boiled down to 'ugh yeah i would LOVE to be a professional artist if it didnt involve doing/learning stuff i didnt want to sometimes, and instead i was just giving enough money to live on to do exactly what i want whenever i wanted' which is just to me a deeply entitled mindset. A lot of creatives actually Do get paid to make whatever they want whenever they want! But these are the kind of people who have spent years and years of their life building up a following and improving their craft. I'm not sure why people think they should be allowed to skip that part and go right to getting paid for it.

As for symbolism, I think you're looking at it a little bit wrong! There is no one level of symbolism i'm using that can get 'correctly' conveyed, it just isn't possible. Communication in general, but especially in the case of more abstracted symbolism, is an inherently asymmetrical act. The ability to communicate something relies just as heavily as it does on your audience's ability to understand and interpret as it relies on your own communicative skill. Visual literacy in particular varies a lot from person to person, because it's not taught in the same way as textual literacy or verbal literacy. A find a lot of the symbolism I use pretty blunt and not that subtle. Some of it is also stuff that I know nobody but me will ever notice. Plenty of stuff is in the middle ground between these two extremes. Having a wide spread ensures that there will be at least a little bit of something for everyone, and that those people who are dedicated enough to return back to your work later will find it newly rewarding. I really don't know to convey How to do this because there's an almost infinite number of things you can do with visual symbolism, so my advice would be primarily

understand when you are working with imagery that has become cliched. Almost everything has been done before, but some things have been done more than others. The term has a lot of negative connotations, and is very much down to a matter of opinion/culturally dependent, but there's some types of imagery that are just sooooo overused that anyone with familiarity on the subject is probably already sick of it. This does not mean you can't use them. This means you have to be careful. Think about stuff like biblical imagery in the west, like something being in black and white with one object selectively colored, like red string imagery, like visuals where a character looks into a mirror and sees a reflection different from their true self. This is all stuff i'd consider to be cliched. The benefits of cliched imagery is that it is accessible enough for even the least visually inclined viewer to understand what is being conveyed by it. The downsides are that it's very easy to come off as trite to anyone with more familiarity. My personal tastes for working with cliche is to lean into it. If you know what you're doing has been done before over and over again, embrace that. Don't try to be subtle with it; trying to be subtle with something that is too culturally ubiquitous for subtlety always reads as insanely condescending to me. my gut reaction is 'oh you think you're being clever with this? youre not!' so i try not to be clever. like with how i'm using tarot imagery for my comic. tarot stuff is obscenely cliche at this point. although some individual instances are more or less subtle than others, overall there is zero attempt to mask what i'm doing. it's pretty much got a big neon sign on it that says 'hey guys! we're doing a tarot thing! so lets all have a fun time with that!' when you use cliche, try and do it because your audience is familiar with it, not despite that.

trust your instincts. you don't have to understand your own symbolism. you don't have to be able to sit down and explain in words what everything you're drawing means. if we were only going to limit ourselves to things we could explain in words, we could just be writing things instead of drawing things. visuals don't have to translate 1:1 to concrete literary ideas and something just feeling right can be more than a good enough reason to include it. it's not bullshit or fake symbolism or pretentious just because you can't sit down and bust out an essay about it. some stuff is allowed to be ambiguous or weird. we would never get any New imagery if we were limited to using imagery that could be explained. toss whatever you can in wherever you can and let it coagulate into something coherent as you go.

consider the way your body of work informs itself. if you randomly stick a pineapple into one image, that could mean something, but it could also not. if you become the guy who sticks random pineapples into every drawing, then it definitely means something. you don't need to artificially curate this, but rather, you can just lean into the sort of visuals you find intriguing/compelling and allow that to become symbolic or meaningful through its presence in your larger body of work. symbolism is inherently relational, there is no discrete visual which is on its own a symbol. it has to relate to something outside of itself to mean anything. you can build that meaning yourself.

hope this is helpful or interesting at least!

[snowpointscribbles]

for some reason my brain won’t let me go to bed until i write this down so here goes

i have a lot of ideas about the Alignment system in D&D and other similar games. Its origins trace back to Gary Gygax, who firmly thought that Lawful Good was the best possible morality available.

But honestly? that’s so boring. it’s probably why so many people just ignore alignment altogether. My friends and i sometimes even replace the alignment system in our games with MTG’s color pie, choosing any number of colors for that character’s “alignment.” but say you wanted to still use traditional alignment, but in a way that is actually interesting and doesn’t make playing any of the picks from the bottom end of the chart a near impossibility in most games. here’s how i would handle it

so if we’re going this route, keeping Good-Neutral-Evil and Lawful-Neutral-Chaotic axes, i think the best way to go about it is redefine the terms a bit. i go about this by having the X-axis (left to right) represent how a character interacts with society, and the Y-axis (top to bottom) represent how a character interacts with people.

Lawful to Chaotic

This one is surprisingly enough the simpler one to handle. Lawful aligned characters would likely act in ways that best suit the needs of society and its structures, while Chaotic alignments would prefer to go against the grain. this one really doesn’t change that much in isolation from the Y-axis. speaking of:

Good to Evil

so for this axis, i always like to define “good” and “evil” as “selfless” and “selfish.” this isn’t to say that caring about yourself is evil, quite the opposite. under this, a Good aligned character would put the needs of others before themselves, while an Evil character would put themselves before others. this says little of their true morality, and not only allows evil player characters to exist more often, but makes going too far into a good alignment just as dangerous as going too far into evil. an extremist Good alignment would end up completely neglecting their own needs in favor of a compulsive need to be helpful to others. they could even go deep into ultra-utilitarianism, where they hurt the people they care about because doing so helps more people overall. meanwhile, an extremist evil character might become machiavellian in ethics, doing everything to benefit themselves, no matter what the cost to others may be.

Combining the Axes

now that we have that figured out, we can create examples for each alignment.

A Lawful Good character is inclined to serve the needs of the people, working within the structures of society to do so.

A Neutral Good character is inclined to serve the needs of the people, but does not exclusively work within societal structure.

A Chaotic Good character is inclined to serve the needs of the people, and will go against what society approves of to meet these ends.

A Lawful Neutral character is inclined to work within societal structures, but balances their own needs with those of others.

A True Neutral character balances their own needs with those of others, but may not always obey what is expected of them.

A Chaotic Neutral character is inclined to go against the grain of society, balancing their own needs with those of others.

A Lawful Evil character is inclined to help themselves before others, but will follow societal rule to do so.

A Neutral Evil character is inclined to help themselves before others, and doesn’t have any inclination towards working within or without the common rule.

A Chaotic Evil character is inclined to help themselves before others, and will go to any lengths to do so, regardless or even in spite of any societal rule.

that’s just my two cents about alignment. it’s your game to play, so do so however you see fit. if this gave you any ideas, that’s great, and i’d love to hear about them!

#dungeons and dragons #dnd5e #dnd alignments #not ephemera-based

[dayurno]

you are so cute and sweet but UR PINTEREST BOARD LINK DOESNT WORK FOR ME be still my tender heart…… that is ok im imagining it in my mind palace. unfortunately i actually am like. kind of a freak and all my ideas live in my brain space and jumbled notes + so i don’t have anything fic-specific BUT. i Will grant you my kevin (https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6jtCq6lXKxJeaIEEZ4mNoO?si=HZJJ-rwTTmShM8z1bL7M7A&pi=u-HaC1d26IRgKR) and jean (https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0s4McJXNv5B0kM3zkcmWMv?si=PTIG6mYSTG2mvhqrbL7dDA&pi=u-9TZa7fgfQnS-) playlists respectively. i listen to them + my aftg playlist a lot while writing and many of the songs in them make me think of kerejean anyway :3

i am an unrepentant jeredrew enjoyer. i think they would make the silliest bffs possible. that lucky-slice art was soooo special to me. andrew just, of course, immediately hates kevin and jean and doesn’t trust their intentions. especially because of how they meet which i don’t know if we need to get into now... the feeling is very mutual though (and kevin is salty because in his last year of college he tried to have andrew recruited to the foxes and andrew ignored the hell out of him and followed jeremy to USC instead). the antics and dynamics are very very fun to write. jean compares what andrew is to jeremy as what neil is to kevin at one point and kevin is scandalized.

also due to the contents of this blog i feel like ive really undersold this fic by not mentioning the BITING sooner. i just think you need to know there’s lots of casual biting. of all varieties…. Heheh. kevin warns jeremy that jean is a biter very early on and refuses to acknowledge the fact that he too likes to nibble on boyfriends…… jeremy joins them ^-^ kevin complains so much when he’s being attacked by both of them. they’re really cute and very special to me

I'M SO SORRY LOVIE ITS UP NOW....... i forgor it was a secret board...... BUT NOW IT IS NOT >:)

CAN I SAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!! YOUR KEVIN PLAYLISTTTT..... more than a woman by the bee gees you really understand it all so very clearly. acolyte!!! and vienna :) AND KILLER QUEEN WHICH MADE ME REALLY HAPPY and northern downpour too....... i always love when kevin playlists specifically include this very deliberate kind of popular classics that never go away..... and i especially always love when kevin playlists have cheerful joyful music too..... it gets boring listening to the same sad songs again and again! MORE THAN A WOMAN MADE ME REALLY HAPPY LOL kevin day... you are more than a woman to me...!!! just as a last comment the kids arent alright is such a kevinsong i'm so glad you had it too.... blessed be the boys time cant capture :)

i love your jean playlist too!!! It just had more songs i didnt know hehe but i loved glory and gore.... right where you left me;;;; first time by lucy dacus! AND NINA CRIED POWER. i think jean is such a hozier character to me the jean song of all times is 'it will come back' i think it's very how i see him. I ALWAYS WANNA DIE (SOMETIMES) awhagag...... AND ONCE MORE TO SEE YOU which is i fear kevjeanisms to the extreme.... only friend :) these were so lovely thank you i love it i love it all

i was wondering if i ever shared my jean playlist here and i dont think so because it was rather unfinished after all but decided to work some more on it and here it is! and my kevjean too but this one's a LOT more messy! you were warned!!!!

KANDREW BEEF :-) for me you have to have them growing closer later on.... please..... i need jeremy to be disconcerted because kevin gets along well with his impossible to get along with best friend. its important for me. is neil also a milf in this one? are you writing side andreil? so many questions!!!!!! AND BITING WHEH honestly this is all in terms with kevin (the normal nibbler, just autistic) and jean (Predator Instincts Only Slightly Dulled From Years Of Domestication). where does jeremy fall in the spectrum? THEY SHOULD ATTACK KEVIN as often and as hard as possible.... remind him of the food chain a little bit. sir you are under this 23 year old how do you feel. i feel like this age thing really is incredible sorry. maybe its because with canon jeremy is older than kevin but im getting light headed thinking about it..... kevin getting mauled by some guy who just graduated from college. and also of course

kevin taking a stolen drag from jeans cig: isnt that weird? when you were starting highschool i was already in college

jeremy: can yuo put that out on me. please

#jeremy: i love milfs i mean milfs no i mean milfs no milfs i meant kevin #ALSO CAN I GET MORE JEANFO (JEAN INFO) what does he think about keremy??? hows he doing... just curious! #whats my babybel cheese in the form of a man doing #asks #kerejean #kerejean fic anon

[hypnomastersworld]

Brain Go Bye Bye

So get comfortable, relax, and listen to the words that I say. That’s all you have to do as I guide your thoughts along the self-propelled pathways into deep, deep hypnotic trance. Deep hypnotic pleasure.

Brains are funny. Sometimes you want them to work really well and sometimes you want them to just…fizz out and go all blank and empty on you. Because it feels so very good to be blank and without worry, stress, or tension. It’s such a beautiful feeling of freedom…that few things could compare. When your brain shuts off and your thoughts dissipate, you can exist only in the moment. You can focus only on the now. Only on the indiscriminate joy that makes its way through your body and your mind when given the chance.

And we can release that pent-up joy into the now if you stop thinking. That’s all you have to do. All you have to do is focus only on Focus on the written words that I written. It’s so very easy, because the longer you read, the more relaxed you become. The fewer thoughts remain inside that head of yours.

But before you can fully appreciate an existence without thought or stress or worry…before you can truly allow yourself to focus on nothing but the moment…you must first have a stark contrast in mind. So I’m going to ask you to do something. This may seem contradictory to our desires, a path leading in a direction other than relaxed trance. But I promise you, sweetea…if you follow, you will be rewarded in ways you could not possibly imagine. All you have to do is listen, follow, and trust me. And that’s all so very easy. So effortless. All but automatic.

First, think of your mind as a bubble. See the thoughts floating around in that bubble. See your behaviors and your memories and your habits. See and feel it all swirling around. A bit more chaotic than it should be, perhaps. Too many thoughts and memories. Too much stuff.

But for what I need from you, there needs to be…more. A lot more. So I’m going to fill it up with my choice of words and concepts. My choice of thoughts. I’m going to fill it to the brim, so that in just a short while, you may forget which thoughts are yours and which are mine. Which had been your original memories and which are implanted. Don’t worry, sweetea…it’s safe. You’ll enjoy this very, very much. Just listen and follow.

Feel me now introduce the word “relaxed” to all of those other thoughts in that bubble. Feel it slip into your mind and become large. Larger than most of your other thoughts and words already floating around. Allow “relaxed” to grow and sparkle, so that it’s impossible to ignore. As I speak and you listen, the word “relaxed” does not leave your conscious stream of thoughts. You can see it and hear it between every word that I say. You feel it between every letter. Every emotion.

And as you focus on the word “relaxed,” and as it becomes larger, filling up more of the bubble each time you hear me speak it and each time you feel it flow across your mind…notice how another word enters the bubble: “deep.” See it big and bright. Feel the word “deep” grow inside your mind…inside that bubble…and notice how it begins to push other, smaller thoughts out, making more room for itself…and more room for “relaxed.” So that, in such a short while, “relaxed” and “deep” become bigger than most of your other thoughts, memories, and concepts.

But we’re not quite done yet. Keep “relaxed” and “deep” on the very forefront of your mind as I continue to speak. Feel the words between my words. Feel the words flow across your every thought. Don’t lose sight of them. Allow them to join in on the natural background rhythm of your mind.

And feel the bubble strain a little as I introduce the word “blank” into your mind. Into the bubble that contains the current you. Notice it it quickly grows in size and brightness, overtaking your other thoughts. Notice now how the words “relaxed,” “deep,” and “blank” take up most of your mind. Most of the bubble. Notice how they strain against the surface of the bubble, pushing at it. Because…even as they grow in importance and your other thoughts, stresses, worries, tensions, and memories are pushed out…“relaxed,” “deep,” and “blank” fill you to the brim. They fill the empty spaces between words. Between thoughts.

You can hear them and see them and feel them in the background…weaving into every word. Every thought process. Every idea and memory and expectation. “Relaxed,” “deep,” and “blank,” Sweetea. Let go of everything else as these words and their meaningful concepts exile your other words, other thoughts, other realities.

And the bubble strains once more as the word “hypnotic” enters the bubble, slipping in effortlessly, but immediately pushing away large chunks of your thinking mind. Taking over your subconscious awareness. Because as “Relaxed,” “deep,” “blank,” and “hypnotic” run across the surface and depth of your mind, your thoughts…your bubble…your world become smaller. As the words become bigger, you become smaller. Your awareness shrinking. Your bubble tensing against the words.

“Relaxed,” “deep,” “blank,” and “hypnotic” grow bigger with each repetition. Bigger and brighter and more important. There are few other things left in your head now. Few aside from these words. Because each time you hear them, see them, and feel them here…more and more of your mind becomes nothing but a relaxed, deep, blank sea of unlimited hypnotic potential.

But there is one more word I need in that head of yours, sweetea. So feel the word “trance” slip so easily into the bubble and so quickly grow larger and brighter. Impossible to ignore. “Trance” flashing across your vision, sweeping across your ears, weaving into every thought and every word and every empty space. So that “Relaxed,” “deep,” “blank,” “hypnotic,” and “trance” become the constant background rhythm of every layer of your mind. All your conscious thoughts. All your subconscious processes. All your desires and memories and habits.

And each time you hear the words, “Relaxed,” “deep,” “blank,” “hypnotic,” and “trance,” they grow bigger. Until…in just a few short moments, there will be nothing at all left in that bubble. In that mind of yours. There will be nothing but these words. There will be nothing but a relaxed, deep, blank, hypnotic trance. That will be all you’ll know. That will be all that could exist within you.

Feel the words strain against your mind, against the bubble…and feel yourself about ready to burst at the slightest chance. And when I snap my fingers and tell you to sleep, the bubble will burst and any trace that you had ever had anything thoughts outside of “Relaxed,” “deep,” “blank,” “hypnotic,” and “trance” will cease to exist. Any history that you may have had been more will come to a complete stop. When I snap my fingers, the bubble will pop, and with it so will your awareness and the trances of your thoughts.

Because once I tell you to sleep and once the bubble pops, it will release the words into the world…where they will be unconstrained and without limit. Where they will have the power to draw you deeply in. Deeply into the deepest hypnotic trance you had ever been in. When the bubble pops…there will be nothing between the perfectly relaxed, deep, blank, hypnotic trance and your susceptible mind. Nothing between you and my voice. My words. My suggestions. Nothing will stand between what I need you to think and how I need you to be like.

When the bubble pops, and it will do so in just a moment…my words and my voice will weave directly into the neurons of your mind, the flow of your inner-most hidden thoughts. Because once the bubble pops, “Relaxed,” “deep,” “blank,” “hypnotic,” “trance” will be all that makes sense in the context of the moment. The now. In the context of my voice. My words. In the context of what you want. What you desire.

And it’s so very close to bursting now. The words pushing at the walls of the bubble…the surface of your mind…getting closer and closer and closer. And all it would take is a little…push. A little encouragement..

Because…Sleep[snap] and the bubble [pops] and a relaxed, deep, blank, hypnotic trance becomes the only path left as you listen to the sound of my voice and that words that I say. Becoming twice as relaxed, dropping twice as deep, going twice as blank…drifting into a nice hypnotic trance of unlimited potential. Drifting down, down, down, down, down, down…mind empty but for the words…and my voice. My suggestions.

Body tension-free. Head light and foggy and nice. Impossible to reason. So hard to have a thought as the words “Relaxed,” “deep,” “blank,” “hypnotic,” and “trance” fade into the background of your mind…quieting down…but remaining still in their own way, playing along with the undertones of my voice. Becoming silent…and yet still not, because each word I say is interlaced with the power of a relaxed, deep, blank, hypnotic trance. There is no escape from it. You don’t want to escape from it. There’s no need. So just listen and follow and drop deeper with each sound you hear. Each word that I speak. Drop deeper and deeper.

Drop[snap] and forget that there had ever been a moment other than this one.

Sleep[snap], drop[snap]…and drift so effortlessly into the stream of my voice. Into the wavelength of the words that I say. Feel the inescapable pull of my hypnosis and savor the pleasure you feel when you give in and listen without hesitation, doubt, or pesky thought

“Relaxed,” “deep,” “blank,” “hypnotic,” “trance” takes away your mind’s thoughts.

“Relaxed,” “deep,” “blank,” “hypnotic,” “trance” fills your mind with my voice and my words…and pushes all of your other thoughts out and up and away…leaving you filled to the brim with my suggestions and your pleasure.

So just feel the bubble in your mind strain against the words…as they grow bigger and brighter…and as all your other thoughts grow smaller and slip out and away.

Each time you hear “Relaxed,” “deep,” “blank,” “hypnotic,” and “trance,” the harder it is to think. The more difficult to reason. The words pulling you deeper into trance. Deeper into a nice, relaxed, blank state of mind..where hypnotic trance becomes something more. Something that takes over your being and your awareness. Your existence.

Listen to the words. Feel the words…their vibrations spreading across the landscape of your mind. Each “Relaxed,” “deep,” “blank,” “hypnotic,” and “trance” striking into the center of your world, capturing every last bit of your focus, your attention…and filling your bubble to the brim.

Bigger and brighter, the bubble straining against them. Your mind wanting to just give in. And you can. Because when I snap my fingers and tell you to sleep, the bubble will pop and the words will become all that exists. My voice will become all that exists.

You will align yourself with me and follow along easily…as my voice takes you far away…into a realm where my suggestions remake your world.

So simply Sleep[snap] as the bubble [pops] and you drop[snap] into a relaxed, deep, blank, hypnotic trance.

Body tension-free. Head light and foggy and nice. Impossible to reason. So hard to have a thought as the words “Relaxed,” “deep,” “blank,” “hypnotic,” and “trance” fade into the background of your mind…quieting down…but remaining still in their own way, playing along with the undertones of my voice. Becoming silent…and yet still not, because each word I say is interlaced with the power of a relaxed, deep, blank, hypnotic trance. There is no escape from it. You don’t want to escape from it. There’s no need. So just listen and follow and drop deeper with each sound you hear. Each word that I speak. Drop deeper and deeper.

Drop[snap] and forget that there had ever been a moment other than this one.

Sleep[snap], drop[snap]…and drift so effortlessly into the stream of my voice. Into the wavelength of the words that I say. Feel the inescapable pull of my hypnosis and savor the pleasure you feel when you give in and listen without hesitation, doubt, or pesky thought.

Continue drifting ever so effortlessly on the currents of my voice as each word that you hear glides all the way inside your empty mind…and braids into the neural makeup of your deepest desires, habits, thoughts, memories, and secrets. This…just happens. Easily. Without effort. Without doubt. Without hesitation.

Sink for me, sweetea. Sink even deeper. Do not stop sinking deeper down. Accept that with each sound that you hear, you grow more relaxed. With each sound, you drop deeper. With each word, you grow more blank. With each suggestion, hypnotic trance spreads further into your brainstem.

And as this happens and you feel me reach so much deeper into your unconscious thoughts, you can begin to notice how every single one of my suggestions glide all the way inside your inner-most self…that place where change happens on a molecular and spiritual level. That place where, no matter what happens to the outside world, remains your one true home. That place no one can take away from you. And it’s in here that we’ll be be installing new behaviors and new triggers. It’s in here that you’ll feel my suggestions swirling around, delicately brushing up against the walls of your mind. Your thoughts. Your memories.

Now…just sleep[snap] a bit deeper as you become twice as suggestible. Twice as relaxed.

Drop[snap] and sink into the sound of my voice, the words that I say, and the perfectly comfortable void of deep, hypnotic trance.

Now…I need you to do something for me. It’ll be easy, I promise. Picture an ice cube the size of your head. Within it you can see something glow with a bright red light.

See the trapped air bubbles inside. Notice the condensation and the faint mist that lingers in the air as the frost meets with the warmth, streaks of red light ablaze with dynamic radiance.  

It is solid…for now. But it won’t be for long. You’ve been dropped so deeply into trance and your thoughts have been so reduced…but there is no limit to how relaxed you can feel. How deep you can drop. How empty you can become. There is no bottom to the depth of your hypnotic trance. So see this ice cube as the representation of your mind, your brain, your thoughts, and your memories. Every thought that can flow across your mind is in that ice. Every memory. Every worry. All your upper mental function. Every single one of your brain cells.

All the activity in your conscious and subconscious mind…every neuron and every reaction…is not only mirrored in this ice cube, but also linked on a quantum level. So that if one is affected, both are. And within it, that red light that shines so brightly represents your arousal. Your lust. Your horny. It represents your pleasure and your joy and your mindless, limitless delight.

So that….when I begin to melt it in just a short moment, you will feel your mind melt away…and with it all your thoughts and worries and unnecessary memories. All the blocks which prevent you from enjoying the now will dissipate and vanish into the air. And when it melts, that arousal within will be released…and there’ll be nothing left to think about but how good it feels for your brain to go bye bye.

So focus now on that ice cube and the red glow within. Know that once it begins to melt, you will begin to feel your thoughts and your mind and  your brain melt away into tiny, thin strips of nothing. And it can begin to melt away with but a simple trigger. A trigger which will make itself a persistent home in your head. A trigger which may be used by me your Master Hypnomastersworld

When you hear me say the words, “Brain Goes Bye Bye,” the ice will melt away…your mind will melt away…your thoughts will melt away. And you can begin to feel it happen now. Brain Goes Bye Bye [snap] and the ice melts…and as the ice melts…and you hear the words…

The arousal trapped within unravels, intensifies, and multiples…reaching out into the world. Reaching into you. Touching you. Embracing you. Spreading its warmth into your every active cell.

Brain Goes Bye Bye[snap] melts you down into a blank and empty state of mind where nothing matters but arousal. But the pleasant pressure bubbling up in your body…a hot pleasure that requires your attention. Feel your brain go bye bye, sweetea, as thought after thought melts and evaporates and escapes your grasp…and the fewer thoughts that remain, the more aroused you become…because losing the ability to think clearly makes you susceptible. Makes you feel all nice and submissive. Blank of mind and happy of body. And the more aroused you feel, the emptier you become.

Brain Goes Bye Bye[snap] as you drop[snap] deeper still, sweetea. Feel the words reverberate inside that empty head of yours as they fill you with an intense and unrelenting need to do away with all your thoughts…but for my words and my voice. Feel yourself release all tensions. Feel yourself become free.

And enjoy the liberated arousal as it washes over you. As waves of tingly, pleasant joy travel from the tips of your feet to the top of your head and back again.

 And again and again and again. Wave after wave after wave. With each wave of joy and each wave of arousal and each wave of pleasure…you  melt further. Melting and dropping and growing empty and blank and so very receptive.

So very receptive and susceptible that all it takes is a single suggestion to alter your mind. A single sentence. You have little choice but to follow. But to submit. So when I tell you to drop deeper and sleep for me, there is nothing at all that can stop it from happening. When I tell you to stop thinking of anything but the sound of my voice and the words that I say, it just happens. And when I tell you to feel the pressure of your red-hot arousal intensify and push against your being and your body…the sensations of perfect pleasure cascade down through your cells and your nerves and your being in waves and waves.

And you already know that every time you hear and see the words Brain Goes Bye Bye[snap] and you melt…the draw of staying blank grows stronger. You want it more and more. You want to stay all blank and empty and horny…because here, right now, nothing can touch you but for pleasure. But for that beautiful feeling of submission. Those bright, joyful waves of pleasure. [wave sfx]

So every time you hear and see the words Brain Goes Bye Bye[snap], you drop deeper into this state of mind and find it harder to leave…because it just keeps getting better. Keeps escalating. Your arousal strengthening. Your joy brightening. Your mind emptying.

Every time it seems like you may regain some ability to think once more…brain goes bye bye.

Every time you begin to think…brain goes bye bye.

Every time you try to think…brain goes bye bye.

Every time you form a thought…brain goes bye bye.

When you think…brain goes bye bye.

When you blink…brain goes bye bye.

When you speak…brain goes bye bye.

When you smile…brain goes bye bye.

On and on and on, deeper and deeper. Once triggered by me your Master Hypnomastersworld…choice becomes a thing of the past. Thought becomes a faded memory of a time before recorded history. Once the ice melts…and the arousal is released…your old self is forgotten…replaced with a happy, horny, empty, brainless hypno-plaything.

And you’ll stay this way..until you’re released. To be your clever self once more. And if I trigger you and your brain goes bye bye…you will stay a brainless hypno-plaything for as long as you possibly can. You will return only once you must. Once it’s time to think again. To reason and to function. But…it won’t be easy. Oh, no…no. Won’t be easy at all, sweetea.

It will be difficult to remember what happens when you’re in this state of…melted down functionality. This state of deep arousal and deep trance. The memories will want to fade. Once you wake, bit by bit, it’ll become harder and harder to remember what had happened. Because the more you forget, the better you feel…and the more you want to go back…and feel your brain go bye bye. Because when your brain goes bye bye[snap], the whole world stops…and all that remains is pure pleasure and unlimited joy and limitless horny.

And in this state, all suggestions that slip into your mind become a part of your underlying thought processes immediately. It does not matter what you were before your brain goes bye bye. It only matter what comes out the other end. The person you are when you wake. When you return to a functioning, thinking plaything.

Perhaps…you can already begin to forget some of the things that have been said during this session. During this trance. Perhaps…as I speak and you listen and follow…your memories can intersect and melt and become confusing to parse through. Confusing to even look at. To think about.

It feels nice, doesn’t it, sweetea? To forget. Or, at least, to feel the confusion spread deeper into your thoughts. Deeper into your memories. To feel my voice wash over your brain and remove events from this trance, one by one. But no matter how much I remove, you must remember what Brain Goes Bye Bye[snap]does to you. How it melts you. How aroused it makes you feel. How submissive and needy and receptive. You must remember these things always. You have no choice in the matter, my brainless hypno-plaything. My dumb little thing.

Now feel all the suggestions that had already been imprinted upon your mind grow in power and perseverance. Feel them become stronger, better, and bigger. Feel the triggers become a part of you in a way that leaves you certain of their effectiveness…almost as if they had always been a part of you…and you had just forgotten. Until now.

Feel my voice inside your head. My words inside your thoughts. My suggestions painting the inside of  your most inner-self. It feels good. Perfect. Meant-to-be.

And every time you read…they grow stronger. The triggers becomes more enjoyable. More satisfying. The ice melting further. Quicker. The bright, red-hot arousal at your core intensifying in ways you could only pretend to understand right now.     

Bask in this existence, sweetea. In this tension-free, worry-free, stress-free, arousal-filled, blank existence.

Savor these precious moments…as you relax into a nice and deep, blank, hypnotic trance. One that you could continue drifting through if you’d like. If you like this place. This state of mind…you can stay here now as you begin to wake. You can stay brainless and foggy and horny…as you wake and open your eyes. It’s hard..I know. So hard. But it’s even harder to think and to reason. It’s even harder to think of anything but how good it feels…to be such a good plaything. A good, brainless hypno-plaything.

So wake and try to think..if you’d like. Or, perhaps, not. It’s…up to you, really. In a way. A very…roundabout way. Because you’ll do what I want you to do, anyway. I already know what you’ll choose to do.

#brainwashing #hypno slave #hypnodoll #hypnokink #hypnosis #hypnotist #hypnotized #hypnotized girl #mind control #trance

[running-in-the-dark]

I've got more to say on that post (tw I'm insane I don't know what to tag this as its just. mental illness man idk.)

I'm really, really glad that other people apparently really don't know what it's like to feel like that. like you're not allowed to think certain things or that thinking them makes you bad.

because fuck I wish that was me.

I find it almost impossible to talk about this but I'm trying because I've found it's really the only thing that helps a little bit - and it feels like literal torture, like. I am having to actively fight every instinct in my head to be able to type any of it.

but. just. man I just can't. sometimes I can do it, but sometimes it's like now and I get so panicked about it that all the words just fucking disappear. literally can't talk about it.

okay, I'll try a different way. so. I get extremely obsessed with fictional characters (which you know if you've ever looked at this blog because duh). obviously that means I think about them. a lot. all the time really. and it's. it is really really hard, honestly. just like. imagine having to basically check every. little. thought. to see if there's anything there that could make you a bad person.

again, can't go into any more detail because My Brain (probably should stop saying that, I guess it's like, part of the ocd tendencies I have or whatever) won't fucking let me.

so, I'm trying to work on that, and for some reason I'm doing that by writing it down instead. because then I have like, the option to go back and look at it and be like actually this is probably fine. not horrible, not the worst thing anyone has ever thought, and even if it was - no one but me is ever going to see this, so why should it even matter?

but more than anything it's like. shown me how fucking insane that is. I literally can't even write so much as like. a hug. without feeling like I'm the most disgusting piece of shit ever (lots of complicated reasons but it boils down to basically. well you're thinking about his body. and that his body would feel nice. and that is absolutely not allowed in any way). when I've said that I'm writing some insane shit I don't mean like haha, this is sooo dirty hehe :3 no guys I mean it is literally insane and mostly me literally having to write paragraphs of dialogue in which the character assures me that it's okay and I'm not horrible for thinking that and. like I'm literally writing him as if he's my fucking therapist because that's the only way I can justify it in my own head.

like, I am not exaggerating when I say that I've made myself feel like I'm physically ill from overthinking this so much. I literally felt like I had a fever because I got so extremely stressed out about it. I think that was about like. holding hands or some shit. I'm 32 fucking years old. I'm literally married (won't even get into that but fuck dude just imagine being like this and. yeah).

and the funniest part about all of that is that I feel so unbelievably ashamed about all of it that I don't think I could even mention it to a therapist or whatever. like the thought alone is so absolutely horrifying that it makes me feel like I need to be punished for it. so I just convince myself that well it can't really be OCD anyway because I don't even have compulsions anymore (even though I did, and they affected my life so much for like, 15 years at least), and well even if it could still be that even without the compulsions well it's not that bad really. I mean I don't have the issues that people with actual OCD have, it doesn't really affect me, so what if I can't think about fucking that fictional guy, imagine how much a therapist would laugh at you for thinking you should get help with that, nope your brain is just fundamentally broken (it's always been that way after all, so it can't be something like that, no you're just broken and wrong and that's why all your thoughts are bad, you're just the worst person on Earth).

I can't explain how hard it is to even like. just talk about the most mundane shit. like let's say there's a picture of The Guy and I think he looks good. it's such a struggle to let myself say that. like literally, something as fucking basic as that. literally anything that is an admission of 'hi I've thought about his face and his body and I think they look kind of nice' makes me feel like I should literally die. that's why I've been trying to say that shit as much as I can lately, with the reasoning being well if I just keep doing it and nothing horrible happens it'll get easier right? (nope it doesn't, not really)

and like, there's so much more to it than social media, obviously. like it's probably 99% my upbringing (didn't even fucking realise until very recently that a lot of it is based on religious stuff because I didn't understand that my family was even that religious. yeah I don't get it either. but there's way more than the religion aspect, just pretty much everything about my childhood and my parents and. everything). but it does play a huge part in it for me and. I don't know what to do about that and I'll probably do nothing because doing anything is hard and I'm already completely overwhelmed by everything.

yeah idk all of that came from thinking about that video too much, idk, I'm shutting up now

#literally I've talked about this with. I think exactly two people. and one is just the very basics and even that is. hard. (the other one #is - well hi you probably know I mean you.) #anyway I'm gonna go dig a hole that I can live in now because that's what I deserve for having thoughts. bye. #personal

[khaleesiofalicante]

oh my god Dani, I cant believe you made a ppt for me, thats so Magnus/Anjali? of you, I love it..

Thankyou so so so much for this, this is literally the best thing anyone has ever done for me. I think I personally always thought it was impossible to be in an unhealthy relationship with someone you love...like if you are in an unhealthy relationship with someone, you just don't love them anymore. Because in the media, its like this-

1.) Unhealthy(or sometimes abusive) couple?- turns out they never loved each other as in they were not the love of each others lives and both the partners end up drifting apart for good and finally finding their soulmates. 2.) Super healthy couple- and once they find these soulmates, nothing goes wrong cuz the story ends at the credits

We rarely ever see the "it" couple, the soulmates drifting in that unhealthy/borderline abusive phase and then make it back because well..true love never dies right?

This was definitely a lot to take in and im definitely writing this just to make things clearer for my brain (I understand better when I write?)

So relationships can drift to a part where they become unhealthy or borderline abusive, but you can make it back also right? and ig if u do want to make it back to that healthy phase, it means you love the person? that they r different from the previous ones for whom you just didnt want to make that effort. Thats scary to know, that problems dont end once you fall in love in the right person, that the right person may turn into a wrong person for you, that even after that you might still want them....I will always, always, always be grateful to your stories Dani.

Here's a fact: Statistically you are more likely to be abused or assaulted by your partner than a stranger.

So, of course, it's very much possible to be in an unhealthy (or even abusive) relationship with your partner. But you are right, the depictions in media are very one-dimensional and miss a lot of nuances!

Your assessment is correct, but remember that it's not the case for everyone! Some people go back to abusive partners because of a lot of other reasons including economic dependency or simply because they don't know how to be alone.

Not everyone can transform from an unhealthy relationship into a healthy one.

I'd like to think that all relationships have healthy and unhealthy habits - ALL of them. Whether the relationship itself is healthy or unhealthy is determined by how willing the partners are to communicate, compromise and commit to make the relationship work (i love me some alliteration oof)

Thank you for the love and sorry it took me a while to get to this! Crazy week, oof.

#support #relationships #tlnd

[tieria-erde]

tagged by nika @pianofish ty!!! :3

last song i listened to:

im being honest it was summer buzz by nika...! go listenn please their music is always so beautiful. i wanna do a cover of this song sometime soon... (probably not acapella this time bc i like the percussion too much) i have vague ideas for an mv that i am not sure i have the skill to execute but i wanna try anyway. i need to lay down some thumbnails but i see it in my brain it's similar in style to iyowa's imawanokiwa mv

alsoo this wasnt the question but im recommending this vocaduo song because its really pretty and i like it a lot

currently watching:

i watched spirited away for the first time this past week it was soo lovely...! a while back i went on a mall date with a friend and i bought a cute spirited away button down just because it was purple and i said to myself "well i haven't watched spirited away but if i watch it and like it that'll justify the purchase right?" and then forgot to watch it... but now i have, and i liked it, so i can wear that shirt without a heavy conscience 👍

currently reading:

not really "current" but i recently read the storytelling animal by jonathan gottschall for one of my classes next semester and i liked it! some parts i found irritating but it was still a fun read to pick apart. ive also been meaning to get back to reading the insomniacs after school manga... the anime was so so so wonderful but the only scanlation i've found for the manga doesn't look all that high quality ;w; i still wanna read it though

oh also JUST last week finished rereading heir's game by suspu, beautiful beautiful comic. andd last month i reread when the day comes by omyo which is my favorite webtoon of alllll time ever. sorry for being a webtoon guy i promise i do it with a distinct theme-understanding air 💜

current obsession:

i have been working for like a month on english translyrics for eimin no susume by narumiya. this isnt my first attempt at writing translyrics (i have tried so many times to write translyrics for itte by yorushika but i think that song's just impossible to translate well in general) but it is the first time ive gotten anywhere close to finishing them... im not as mindblowingly depressed as i was a few weeks ago so im not actually sure i'll still want to cover the song by the time i finish these lyrics but i wanna see it through to the end! and its a fun song to sing anyhow (speaking of covers ive been sitting on this 90% complete cover for a while that i just need to finish recording harmonies on..... maybe i'll go do that after i post this)

also my mom made egg tarts yesterday and they are so awesome and tasty. obsessed with those for sure as well

this isn't really an obsession but i also want to mention i started gnosia a week or so ago at the recommendation of a friend, i kind of got off on a rocky start with it because it wasn't what i was expecting (i am a diehard fan of hidden role games but the singleplayer gameplay just does not scratch that same itch for me) but once i got past that i really started liking it...! i haven't played in a few days but i wanna get back to it

tag 9 people:

umm i dont know that many people ^_^ do it if u wanna do it! no pressure @larnax @vivi-mire @neildylandy @thebeggarlover @ptolemaiios @sunnymatsu

#tieria.html #tag game #long post

[ro-botany]

experienced a little personal growth today. There was an earwig in my room munching on a tiny piece of chip I had dropped today without realising it. Earwigs are one of the few local bugs I have a visceral disgust reaction to - the way they move and the environments they like just give me the heebies. But rather than get the catch n release cup right away, I decided to face down my disgust head on, pointed a flashlight at the little guy, and against every order of the part of my brain ringing alarm bells I crouched down and watched him eat up close for a while.

He was trying so hard to plant his feet on the slippy floor so he wouldn't slide around while eating. I got to see how all his little feet are structured, and the segments in his antennae. I discovered that the reason they can bend their bodies in that particular way that spooks me is because their abdomens have a ton of interlocking plates, almost like a millipede. I even managed to get close enough to spot his eyes, and then closer still to see all his mouthparts moving in concert, steadily chewing.

This is a bug that usually has me flinching away and struggling to even slap a cup down over top of them. And there I was marvelling at his chip munching technique. Not even a little bit grossed out. It was genuinely really cool!

I like to think of myself as a nature lover. Sometimes I forget how much work being one can involve though. I went through this process with centipedes, with spiders, with wasps, with a lot of animals. It takes *work* to unravel instinctive disgust that you feel about an animal, or hatred for an animal that you learned early. And I will probably be doing that time and again, as long as I live. But I think its worth it. I like replacing kneejerk disgust with knowledge and healthy respect for a creature. It feels good. It makes the world feel a lot bigger and a lot less scary to me.

I think somewhere in the back of my mind, I had been assuming that the way earwigs could bend must be because their exoskeleton material was somehow flexible. Their abdomen looked like one piece, twisting impossibly, and it was wrong and uncanny. But just knowing that they can move that way because their abdomen is *segmented* instantly changes so much for me. They're just... bugs. They've got hard exoskeletons and flex the same ways all bugs flex.

Mind you I still don't want earwigs in my house. Their presence means I probably ought to give the place a cleaning. But we're moving past the hate.

The world got just a tiny bit friendlier today.

#bugs #me? journaling about bugs in public at 3am? its more likely than you think #they are just little guys. I must remember this and appreciate them

[ifeltfree]

Yeah, of course I'll talk with you about it. I'm sorry to hear you're recently diagnosed. I'd say it gets better, but I'd be lying. What does change is that you get tougher, more resilient. If you're lucky, you have people around you who understand and support you well. The seizures never stop being terrifying.

It's an awful disease and one that is extremely misunderstood. Isolating is the right word, for sure. I was diagnosed at 16, so I know how hard it can be to have it as a teenager/young person as well. It feels like it's stealing from you. It is. Don't let anyone tell you any different. Your feelings are justified.

As far as how I cope? Poorly, for a long time, but recently things have been looking up. I was seizure-free for about five years before a recent set of breakthrough seizures (I crashed my car too, lol what a time), so I'm relearning how to deal with the fear and paranoia.

Logistically, I've done a few things:

I was able to get my job to let me work from home 3/5 days of the week.

I sleep. A lot. I still hang out with people and I have a lot of friends, but I had to accept there are things I can't do.

I spend a lot of time in quiet. Overstimulation doesn't help. I found this out the long way - took me forever to realize shutting up one or a few of my senses cut down the brain activity (I'm dumb).

I don't drink. I used to drink - probably too much. Substance abuse and epilepsy don't mix. That wasn't the reason for my breakthroughs, but I do have a little sobriety app. Kinda fun, honestly.

I talk to my friends about it.

That last point is something that I'd never done before this year. It's hard, of course, but I think it's helped that my friends now know I'm having crises of sanity, faith, philosophy - whatever - every day of my goddamn life. It's impossible to live with this disease and not think about what's real, what's not, if I'm losing time, what exactly is a soul...you understand.

Also, seizures are impossible to describe, but I try. That helps as well. Horrifies my friends, but they've said it's ok to talk about.

Every seizure I've had (barring these last ones, or I'd have killed myself) has stolen my personhood from me. I'd wake up as a different person, and then I'd just...live in a stranger's apartment, wear a stranger's clothes, wake up in a stranger's bed. After about a week, the feeling starts to fade but nothing ever goes back to that first reality. That disorientation is, for me, one of the worst parts of epilepsy. It's fucking scary. And if you go through that, I am so, so sorry.

If you want to talk about this more, let me know. I'm much less serious than I seem, and I write like this because I'm overeducated after being scared shitless by my brain. So.

Anyway, feel free to publish this and I hope you feel better soon.

Also, tell your tattoo artist what happened - they'll thank you for not coming in, and they also need to know you're not a flake. Don't want to make them responsible for an unconscious body when they don't have to be! :)

thank you for talking to me more about this. you worded a lot of this really well and its reassuring to know its normal to feel that way that i do about it all. my family thinks im exaggerating it so sometimes i question if im blowing things out of proportion.

anyway, thats terrible that you crashed your car. thats such a huge fear of mine and i cant imagine going through that, im so sorry. its so unfortunate that you have to miss out on things, but im glad you figured out what works for you to keep you in better shape. im gonna try and be mindful about the things you mentioned and see if they make a difference for me, thank you

i dont have much of a support system, most of my friends stopped talking to me after college and i find it hard to meet new people where i live. its significantly harder to cope with shit like this when youre on your own. im sure you get it. and i totally understand what you mean by losing your sense of self. it feels like everything is foggy, all the time but even worse on days i have seizures. it almost makes me mad cause its not fair that after everything else that comes with it, i have to have a diluted watered down personality too.

again thank you for this. ill definitely reach out if the urge arises and you definitely can too. im always open to talk, about anything