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ellecdc · 3 days

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Hiii :) I saw your requests tips and saw that you didn't write for dub/non con and I don't know if this count as one so just feel free to not respond!

So reader is in a relationship with the Marauders and is starting to randomly think about a past SA and realise this was SA only now bc her brain has been blocking the memory and information. She tells the boys (and maybe Barty idk) about it after sometime of overthinking it and self blaming so it's just like super fluff at the end <3

(it's my personal experience but if you don't feel comfortable writing about it just feel free to ignore it :). Sorry for the bad orthograph english isn't my first language 🫶🏻)

first of all - your English is fucking fantastic (and you know more words than I do - I had to look up what an orthograph was) secondly, I turned this into more of a conversation between reader and her ship. and for plot purposes this became poly!wolfstar - hope that's okay!

poly!wolfstar x fem!reader who opens up about past SA

CW: discusses themes of sexual consent, inebriation, and SA. Describes past SA and abusive relationships. Describes drunkeness, alcohol, and drinking. viewer discretion is advised.

You could tell it was taking Sirius a lot of effort to appear to be too fussed over Lily, James, and Regulus at the end of the party, but he pretended to gag every time anything even remotely romantic or sexual was brought up about his brother.

“What do you think happens when they go home, Pads?” Remus muttered quietly, causing Sirius to slap his hands against his ears.

“Would you shut up, Moons? I am not interested in hearing about my brother’s sexual habits, thank you.”

Unfortunately for Sirius, Lily didn’t get the memo.

“Are we le-leaving!?” She shrieked through a hiccup as James held most of her weight up against his side and Regulus gathered her purse and shoes she’d since lost.

“Yes sweets; we’re gonna get you to bed.” James said quietly.

A salacious smirk took over Lily’s face as she tried (and failed) to grab James by the chin. “To bed, hm?”

Regulus snorted, though no one missed the blush that dusted his cheeks. “To sleep, Lils.”

Lily groaned dramatically and seemed to go ‘no bones’ in James' grip as he grunted and tried to keep her from hitting the ground. “Why not.”

“Because you smell like you bathed in a bottle of schnapps, sweetheart.” James placated.

“So?” Lily grumbled though acquiesced to helping James keep her up right. “We can even do that thing you like.” She tried to sing sensually, but her efforts were in vain as every other word came out slurred.

Sirius grumbled causing James to blush.

“Not tonight, angel. We’ll cuddle, okay?”

Lily scoffed and turned her sights onto Regulus. “You agree with me, right? Right Reggie? You agree- you agree with me?”

“Almost always.” Regulus agreed quickly, offering Lily his arm as to share her weight with James. “Just not tonight, my love.”

“You guys are no fun.” Lily whined as she allowed her two boyfriends to usher her out of Remus and Sirius’ shared flat.

Unfortunately for Sirius, no one missed Regulus leaning into Lily’s hair and promising that “they’d have lots of fun tomorrow to make up for it.”

“I hate them all.” Sirius grumbled with no real malice as he stood and made his way over to you before offering you both of his hands. “What do you say, dollface? Ready for bed too?”

Remus answered ‘yes’ as you accepted Sirius’ help up which sparked a debate between the two of them whether or not Remus could be considered ‘dollface’ to which you secretly agreed that yes he could but ultimately refused to participate in such nonsense.

You got ready for bed in a haze as you replayed Regulus, James, and Lily’s conversation in your head. You weren’t sure what exactly you were so stuck on, but something about the exchange caused something deep within your gut to churn unpleasantly.

“You feeling alright, dovey?” Remus asked gently, pressing a kiss to your hairline as you reentered their bedroom after washing your face, carrying your toiletries with you so as not to hog the bathroom.

Sirius (and Remus) had been begging you to spend your nights here with them nearly since the very beginning of your relationship, but you argued that you did not want to pay rent for a flat you never saw.

He then started nagging you to give up the lease on your flat and just “sodding move in with them already”, but it still felt a little too fresh for that.

So, you spent most nights (but not all) at their flat; living out of duffle bags and toiletry bags.

You hummed in confirmation to Remus’ question, moving towards the mirror above Sirius’ dresser to finish your skincare routine as Remus took his turn with the washroom.

“You sure, sweetness? You’ve been awfully quiet tonight; did you have fun?” Sirius continued as he went digging through what you knew to be Remus’ drawers searching for Sirius’ favourite shirt which was really Remus’ shirt but no one bothered to argue with the black-haired boy…anymore.

“I had fun.” You agreed, massaging product into your face.

“Uh huh.” Sirius commented, not sounding at all convinced as he came up behind you and hooked his chin over your shoulder; watching as you completed your nightly routine through the mirror. “You had so much fun and that’s why you look like Moony when he can’t figure out one of those crosswords in the Daily Prophet?”

You chuckled softly, but something in your lack of enthusiasm (or your lack of disdain) for his joke seemed to tip him off.

“What’s going on in here, hm?” He asked as he pressed a kiss to your temple.

“I just…” You started, sighing as you made yourself busy by tidying up your belongings and refusing to make eye contact with him. “I’ve just been thinking about Reg, James, and Lily’s conversation.”

That caused a dramatic groan to rip through Sirius’ chest as he leaned his forehead against your shoulder.

“What now?” Remus asked jokingly as he returned from the washroom.

“She’s thinking about Regulus, James, and Lily in bed.” Sirius accused; voice muffled in the fabric of your sleepwear.

You scoffed defensively, claiming you were “absolutely not” at the same time Remus commented “aren’t we all” which started a very loud bickering match between your two boyfriends.

The arguing only ceased when Remus “swore on his mother’s life” that Sirius was “by far the superior Black brother.”

Placated, Sirius turned his sights back to you as you sat on the edge of the bed. “So, what were you really thinking about their conversation?”

Remus, having walked in with only enough time to rile Sirius up, popped his head up at that. “Everything alright, dove?”

You sighed as you turned to face them. “I was just confused, I guess.” You admitted. “I think…Lily was hoping to have sex tonight?”

Sirius groaned again which earned him a swat from Remus who seemed to pick up on some of the tension radiating through your body.

“Yes…I’d agree.” Remus responded carefully.

“And Reg and James said no?”

Sirius’ head tilted at that as he considered you with furrowed brows. “Well, of course, doll. She was drunk.” He said simply, as if that explained it all.

“So…they wouldn’t have sex with her because she was drunk?” You clarified.

The boys shared a glance with one another before they each took a seat on the bed, prompting you to turn your body so you were all facing each other.

“So, all parties have to be able to consent, right?” Remus started.

You nodded quickly at that.

“But when one party is inebriated or under the influence, they can’t consent.” Sirius continued.

You felt your eyebrows twitch as you looked down at the pattern on your bed spread. “Even though she was asking?”

“She wasn’t in her right mind, dove.” Remus explained gently; eyes full of compassion and, perhaps, some sadness. “She may have woken up tomorrow and not remembered anything, or perhaps worse, regretted something. It’s Regulus and James’ jobs to keep her safe, just like I’m sure she keeps them safe when the roles are reversed.”

And now you could understand why their conversation seemed to catch you so off guard.

“You’re so pretty like this; drunk and all mine.”

“Have a few more; we always have more fun when you let loose.”

“But…I’m really tired.” “All you’ve got to do is lay there - I’ll do all the work.”

“You don’t remember last night? That’s too bad; I won’t be forgetting that any time soon.”

“You’re such a good little whore for me when you’ve had a few too many.”

You hadn’t realised you had zoned out of the conversation until Sirius was leaning into your field of vision. “You okay, sweets?”

“Yeah.” You said breathlessly before clearing your throat. “No, sorry. I’m fine.”

“Why were you asking?” Remus queried; tone hardening slightly, alerting you to the fact that he smelled trouble.

“I was just wondering.” You fibbed.

“You know we would do the same, right?” Sirius asked earnestly. “That we have done the same for you.”

“You have?”

“Yes, my love.” Remus whispered. “Always.”

You nodded and looked back down at the bedspread. “Okay.”

“Y/N.” Sirius called with a certain level of severity; though you detected no anger or frustration in his tone. “Why were you asking?” He repeated Remus’ earlier question after your gaze met his imploring silver eyes.

You quickly looked down at your hands as you began picking at the hangnails around your fingers. “I was just confused; that has not always been my experience.” You admitted quietly; shame coursing through your body as you digested this new information.

The room was quiet for a moment as Remus shuffled scrupulously closer to you. “No?” He whispered; voice intoned with a level of gentleness you weren’t accustomed to hearing.

You began to feel all sorts of discomfort at the heavy attention being focused on you in the room. “It was usually quite the opposite.” You joked; voice rising to a higher octave in an attempt to make light of the situation as you pulled back the covers and made to retreat to the relative safety of the boys’ bed.

“Whoa, whoa. What does that mean?” Sirius implored, earning him a gentle warning “Pads” from Remus.

“I’m sorry.” You placated, still uncomfortable with this heavy atmosphere you seem to have blanketed over what had been a really nice evening. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“No, I-” Sirius began, cutting himself off and taking a breath you could tell was an attempt to calm himself down. He shuffled closer to you and wrapped his hand around one of your ankles through the blanket as he rubbed soothing circles against it. “You can always talk about anything with us; it’s important that we talk about these things, yeah?”

“Only if you’re comfortable, of course.” Remus mollified. “But I do agree with Sirius; if you’re comfortable, I think it’s good for us to talk about these things.”

“It was just my last relationship.” You admitted finally. “He didn’t…agree - with the consent thing, that is.”

Remus’ lips pursed as Sirius’ jaw tightened.

“He’d sleep with you when you were drunk?” Remus asked cautiously.

“Yeah.” You agreed half-heartedly, picking at your nail beds. “Or encourage me to drink more so…”

Remus let out a sigh and you could tell Sirius was fighting back the urge to grumble.

“I’m sorry,” You offered again. “I really didn’t mean to bring all this up, I just-”

“I really, really don’t want you to apologise anymore.” Sirius nearly begged.

“I don’t understand how someone could do that.” Remus mused aloud. “To anyone; and someone they claimed to love?”

You mistook Remus’ rhetorical question for an actual need for clarification. “He said I was more fun; that I’d try things I wouldn’t normally.”

Sirius did finally let out an angry huff and his fingers stilled on your ankle. “Who?”

“You don’t know him.” You countered quickly, bringing your knees up to your chest and wrapping your arms around them as you rested your chin on your knees.

“Lucky him.” Sirius muttered darkly as Remus shifted closer to you.

“I’m sorry dove.” He offered quietly; holding out his hand to you in a silent invitation. You accepted it, and as you gave him your hand, he gently encouraged you over to him until you were cradled in his arms.

“I didn’t tell you to be sorry.” You murmured quietly as Remus began pressing kisses to the raw and reddened skin around your fingers you hadn’t realised you had nearly shredded in your tension.

“I know you didn’t.” He whispered. “I’m still sorry, anyhow.”

“I think it’s nice… that the boys were looking after Lily.”

Remus hummed in agreement though he still looked particularly disturbed.

“That’s their job.” Sirius supplied, causing you and Remus to turn your heads towards your boyfriend whose eyes were red and shining with unshed tears.

“Sirius.” You murmured miserably.

“Just like it’s our job to look after you.” He continued as if you hadn’t said anything at all.

“And you do.” You agreed.

Sirius huffed and wiped at his face. “I hate to think of you being hurt or…or taken advantage of when I wasn’t there to help you.”

Remus made a pitiful sound at that.

“You didn’t even know me then, Siri.” You offered, half teasing and half placating.

“She’s alright, Sirius.” Remus comforted. “She’s got us. You’ll be okay now, yeah?”

And you thought of your boys now; you thought of Sirius near tears thinking of someone taking advantage of you during a time you hadn’t even known him, you thought of Remus currently cradling you like you were a precious thing he feared losing if he didn’t hold you with the utmost care, and you thought of their friends - the kind of people who they surrounded themselves with and had the same morals as they did.

Yeah…you think you might just be okay now.

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birdbrainedboy · 2 days

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I’m obsessed with this show and fear a hyperfixation anyways here are my thoughts on every character in the show

Edwin Paine: forever my favorite, even back before the show when I read the comics! I think it’s funny that basically every man in the show wants him? I’m intrigued by his character arc throughout the story regarding his sexuality as despite dying in 1916, he seems to have had time to slowly become more accepting of gay people (I’m guessing in part due to Charles, who is pansexual), to the point where there’s only mild internalized homophobia if at all, which just exhibits itself in him denying any possible feelings for Monty. I love how face-value and logical he is while still being a sweetheart

Charles Rowland: he has a pan flag pin on his jacket which confuses me bc can ghosts only wear clothes they would’ve worn when they were alive, or how do ghost clothes work? Because he died in 1989 and I’m near positive he didn’t wear that pin back there. Anyways I do love him but I wonder about some design choices, like the one earring (not sure why it just kinda annoys me). That was more a rant abt his design than his character, which I have nothing notable to say abt since I LOVE HIM he’s so real

Crystal Palace: sometimes she was a bit annoying the way she was trying way too hard to pry into everyone’s lives, but honestly that was just momentary annoyance since nothing could make me hate her. I love how her past was slowly revealed (as someone who already knew it from the comics) and how she came to terms with the person she used to be vs the person she is now. She’s so cool!

David the demon: honestly kind of caught me off guard at first bc the person I’m dating is named David but I actually enjoyed his character. LOVED when Crystal dealt with him in the end. He was very interesting

Niko Sasaki: I love Niko, but I have some problems with her character. First of all, I feel like ditsy anime-loving cutesy Asian girl with dyed hair is a weirdly common trope? But whatever my main issue is that it feels like characters who normalize the fetishization of gay men are so common. Like if Niko had been a guy obsessed with lesbian manga evb would be weirded out, so why is it different? If we ignore all of this tho I absolutely adore her and I’m actually praying she’s in the next season bc she was one of my favorites (esp her relationship w Edwin)

Jenny: She is so hot and cool and funny I’m in love with her

Esther: oh my god words cannot come close to describing how much I love her character. She felt powerless and weak in the past and now she’s become obsessed with making sure nobody has that power over her ever again. She was so fun and I loved her attitude! I’m sure she won’t show up next season, as she was the main antagonist of s1, and while I love her, I kind of hope she doesn’t since I think her arc was finished.

Monty: His personality was like 2020 “soft boy” who acts nice and dumb but is lowkey a manipulator. So obviously this kind of made me like ☠️ bc why is he acting like that… but I still love him to bits because he’s just a crow guys he didn’t ask to be human,, Anyways yeah his personality annoys me but also I love him so much so? It’s confusing. ITS COMPLICATED. I will cry if he’s not in s2

Kingham and Litty: I honestly thought they were annoying but I can’t lie they were so fucking funny. Every time they were on screen I laughed.

Cat King: oh my god. He is so camp. I love him. There’s honestly not much to say he is simply iconic. Love how he’s afraid to be alone so chases after other people, he’s so real AGHH I love him

Night Nurse: Ruth Connell the woman you are… 😍 she reminds me of Muriel from Good Omens, in a way, and I love her! I really hope we get to see more of her in relation to the guy in the fish, and see her get to better understand human emotions and why they choose to cling onto the human world rather than pass on!

#dead boy detective agency #dead boy detectives #charles rowland #edwin payne #crystal palace surname von hoverkraft #crystal palace #niko sasaki #david the demon #neil gaiman #esther #monty crow #cat king #night nurse #good omens

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vampiredeck · 1 year

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found out today that i probably have some kind of synesthesia bc i went insane trying to explain that the song the song the anthem by good charlotte is joey wheeler but not bc of the lyrics just because It Is Him

and i was like yknow its like how the sax instrumentals at the beginning of cry for judas by the mountain goats are an indigo color similar to the way the sky tastes but the rest of the song is distinctly the orange glow of a campfire in the woods

or how vinegar is a cold smell but Ajax dish soap is a hot smell

or how hearing a pop sound feels like swallowing or hearing a kitchen timer go off feels like the sound is physically crawling on my body

or how tuesday and the number 3 have physical spaces they take up and they are right next to each other

and then i realized hey wait maybe thats not normal and other people dont know what im talking about

#gil.txt #im so sorry that anyone reading this will not know what i mean when i say an indigo color similar to how the sky tastes #bc that is the only way i can describe it with words

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silentwalrus1 · 2 months

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in all my random tag/fandom hopping years i have never encountered the sheer incoherency of star wars fic. It’s amazing? Like, most top kudosed stories will have nice staid comprehensible paragraphs tracking perfectly well from sentence to sentence but once you’re like 700 words in you start to feel like you’re in some kind of funhouse mirror dimension. Nothing makes sense. It’s like the authors somehow built a story without any story in it. It’s the storytelling equivalent of hearing that one song where all the lyrics are in a fake language meant to sound like english in order to show native english speakers what their own language sounds like to those who can’t understand it. It’s the narrative equivalent of simlish. Is it all written by AI? Am i having a stroke? I have to understand how this is done

#i’ve literally never encountered this before. i’ve ready plenty of poorly written things and this is NOT that #maybe i need to be more widely read bc literally the only way i can describe this is incoherence #it’s not just a handful of authors! this is across dozens of fics and tags in the sw tag! maybe it’s a style thing??? somehow?#like i know when i’m reading a fic that’s referencing canon stuff that i don’t know. this ain’t that #this is like every third sentence is missing or taken from an alternate dimension version of the same fic #i’m fascinated beyond words #star war #this is not a request for recs. i am foraging blissfully with my safari hat on #yap yap

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steinwayandhissons · 9 months

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arctic monkeys and every time the word ‘love’ is mentioned

whatever people say I am that’s what I’m not

tonight there’ll be some love, tonight there’ll be a ruckus yeah regardless of what’s gone before

~ view from the afternoon

oh there ain’t no love, no montagues or capulets

~ i bet you look good on the dancefloor

all that’s left is the proof that love’s not only blind but deaf… yeah I’d love to tell you all my problem

~ fake tales of san francisco

she makes a subtle proposition, I’m sorry love I’ll have to turn you down

~ when the sun goes down

lady, where has your love gone, i was looking but can’t find it anywhere, they always offer when there’s loads of love around but when you’re short of some it’s nowhere to be found

~ no buses

well how can you wake up with someone you don’t love and not feel slightly phased by it

~ leave before the lights come on

favourite worst nightmare

it’s wrong wrong wrong but we’ll do it anyway cause we love a bit of trouble

~ balaclava

and those dreams weren’t as daft as they seem, aren’t as daft as they seem my love

~ fluorescent adolescent

there’s room for the trouble and there’s lovers to be had

~ this house is a circus

it’d be a big mistake for you to wait and let me waste your time, really love it’s fine, I said really love it’s fine

~ the bad thing

old yellow bricks, love’s a risk… houdini love you don’t know what you’re running away from

~ old yellow bricks

another roll around and another push and shove, further away from the idea of love

~ da frame 2r

the more you keep on looking the more it’s hard to take, love we’re in stalemate… you’re slacking love where have you been

~ the bakery

am I too quick to assume that the love is no longer in bloom

~ too much to ask

humbug

i had a hole in the pocket of my favourite coat and my love dropped into the lining

~ i haven’t got my strange

suck it and see

i wanna feel your love brick by brick

~ brick by brick

do you still feel love is a laserquest or do you take it all more seriously… when I’m not being honest I pretend that you were just some lover

~ love is a laserquest

your love is like a studded leather headlock

~ suck it and see

jealousy in technicolour, fear by name, love by numbers… crushing up a bundle of love

~ that’s where you’re wrong

before she showed you how to shake love’s steady hand

~ the blonde o sonic shimmer trap

your love’s not what I need, so don’t give it to me

~ evil twin

it’s not like I’m falling in love I just want you to do me no good… the look of love, the rush of blood

~ no.1 party anthem

love buckles under the strain of those wild nights

~ mad sounds

I heard that you fell in love, or near enough

~ snap out of it

love like locked horns, love like dominoes… love like thunder, love like falling snow

~ electricity

I know you’re nothing like mine cause she’s walking on sunshine and your love would tear us apart

~ you’re so dark

tranquility base hotel and casino

love came in a bottle with a twist off cap, let’s all have a swig and do a hot lap… but it’s alright, cause you love me

~ star treatment

when true love takes a grip it leaves you without a choice

~ golden trunks

pattern language in the mood for love

~ the world’s first ever monster truck front flip

I wanna stay with you my love, the way some science fiction does

~ science fiction

the dawn won’t stop weighing a tonne, I’ve done some things that I shouldn’t have done, but I haven’t stopped loving you once

~ the ultracheese

the car

lights out on the wonder park, your saw toothed lover boy was quick off the mark

~ jet skis on the moat

put your heavy metal to the test, there might be half a love song in it all for you

~ mr schwartz

#arctic monkeys #alex turner #listen this was purely out of curiosity #there are so many poetic and imaginative ways in which alex describes love #i just wanted a tangible record of every time he just straight up uses the word #i was surprised that humbug only had one mention and even that was a b side but when i was making this i realised that it was such a #lyrically dense and innovative album and descriptions of love were more elaborate and straightforward #*less straightforward #(might make a separate post about that)#also found that the other albums were quite consistent except the car #i found it interesting that most of the songs aren’t actually about the same kind of love like the earlier albums were #the earlier ones use love as a nickname and portray the physical embodiment of being in love #and even in tbhc it describes this feeling despite there being slightly fewer mentions #but the car seems more like a goodbye album… not even about breaking up… just goodbye which is very….#there’s no room for love in amongst the melancholia and introspection #and makes me wonder about his relationship with love at the moment #it seems very disassociated and immaterial like he has no interest in spouting poetics about love like he did before #and i hope he can rebuild that relationship #i could probably say more but im not going to bc this is getting way too long #cheers if you actually read this whole fucking essay #i spent way too long on this if you cant tell

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astranauticus · 9 months

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really not beating the brainrot allegations but genuinely this line has been haunting my brain for ages

#rolling with difficulty #vrla rwd #mrsn rwd #well not technically but close enough #asto stop drawing the same two goddamn characters challenge (difficulty: impossible)#technically the original line was 'i see mr-sn' but this way .. works better? flows better? its 4am words are failing me #also took some artistic liberties with the hypnagoug design bc i think austin's intention was that only its face changes #to match your nightmares #but everyone started describing stuff thats much more elaborate and he didnt stop them so #specifically he says the clawed arms and 'a large gaping mouth' stay constant but i am just gonna Choose Not To See that part #look theres no way for me to fit that into the design and make it work. its just not happening #i mean thank god for mr-sn's cape or else id have to figure out the logistics of attaching bony clawed arm to robot torso #(also why i strategically placed the rips on the cape so you cant see the arm underneath LMAO)#yeah after a certain point i was just like. ok how can i make the mr-sn hypnogoug as nasty and unpleasant to look at as possible #so please let me know if this made you upset/lh bc im the one who drew it and *i* was very upset when drawing this #in hindsight hypnagoug mr-sn has lowkey nightmare animatronic from fnaf energy and i've been fully over my fnaf phase for like 6 years so #not sure how to feel about that #art I made

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daydadahlias · 7 months

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you can't reclaim a word that's never been used against you

#if you've never been called fat before please dont use that word #as someone who has been called fat a lot in my life in very painful ways... y'all dont get it #and i dont want people within a hundred feet of a word they dont understand the connotation/power of #im really just sad and tired of seeing non-fat people call ashton fat. because it just Keeps happening a *lot* and i just like #cannot stomach it at this point. i mean i literally see it FREQUENTLY and now ive just seen some stuff about it on my dash tonight and like #it brings me to tears literally every single time i see it. and i *never* see fat people call ashton fat ever. it is *only* non-fat people #and it's because they just simply do not understand how that word feels. and i shouldn't necessarily fault people for it BC they dont get i #but people writing feeder fics about him?? and going out of their way to describe his body in a way they never would a thin person's...#and more than that. like. he's not *fat*???? that's just not the right word. sure he HAS fat. everyone does #but calling him fat pointblank is just like... i do not see the benefit in it. he's Big. he's Muscular. but he's not *fat*#and it makes me think that you dont know any fat people. when that word has only ever been used in a derogatory manner by the majority #i mean that is NOT a neutral word. at this point in history. and if you have never experienced the harm that it can bring i just #i mean i dont know why you *want* to be using it #so yeah uh saying my bit on that bc y'all know me #im a little blabber box chatter mouth #and it's just something that i see a lot of especially on ao3 and one of the primary reasons actually that #i dont really read new fics by authors i dont know #because the way people treat ashton's body is very different than how they treat others'#and it's usually not fat people creating that content SO!#please uh consider maybe the words you're using... and how they could affect others!#ok i have a lot of homework to do tonight so im gonna. hunker down and do that #and feel Not Good about my body because if you think *ashton irwin* is *fat* then #i dont really want to know what you think about an actual fat person

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mewtwo24 · 3 months

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I just watched s2 episode 10 in the english dub and I have to say. Nothing could have prepared me for Howard's delivery of that final scene where Xie Lian gets worked up about the truth coming out.

The just...sincerely agonized delivery of "That my words were the empty ramblings of a sad child!!" shook me to the core. The absolute self-loathing in that line, the raw emotion. The way concealing the truth was done to spare Lang Qianqiu but also at its heart was about Xie Lian's unresolved feelings of humiliation and shame, the way [redacted] did everything in his power to make Xie Lian lose faith in himself and the possibility of good prevailing in the world.

The way TGCF keeps me up at night, man...

#tgcf #xie lian #lang qianqiu #the runner-up line that devastated me too was: 'it's the least of what I DESERVE!!!'#i dont think there are words to describe how that made hua cheng feel knowing all that he does (from his time as wu ming)#legitimately its on the spectrum of mantis shrimp im guessing bc i can't fathom trying to put it into words either #the way xie lian won't stop punishing himself for wishing for better--for wishing for peace and collaboration--even 800 years later #the way he continues to take responsibility for all the wrongs others commit--the way he deems himself a failure ->#for things he simply could not change or did not purposefully incite. the way he won't stop punishing himself when things go wrong #i honestly cant get over how acutely xl feels like the result of gifted child syndrome #having all of these grandiose expectations placed on him and doing his utmost to uphold them at any cost #doing everything he can to the point of self-destruction to do the right thing #only to end up hated in the end when he proved to have limits--even as a god #and discarded despite his efforts; ultimately deemed worthless for not measuring up to what were impossible/rigged standards from the get g #and like . the way up to this point they made the creative decision to make xie lian's emotional range fairly static #not that he's unfeeling but that he doesn't tend to raise his voice or express anything extreme (for good reason)#until this precise moment where it all comes flying apart with so many old scars torn open #absolutely fantastic im on the ground #honestly i feel like i forget how difficult a decision this had to be for hua cheng #i mean naturally he chose this because he wanted xie lian absolved #and ultimately xie lian really does need to stop the self-flagellation--he takes it too far #but watching him tremble with fear haunted by the echoes of what he almost became #fucking cHRIST

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sacrificial-lamb-sam · 2 years

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hot take this was one of the coolest shots in the show and I think it's under appreciated

#the OBSESSION the fact it was hidden away the fact that he coloured the eyes him self #the eyes look off because he did it in a rush #scott carey you might be my favorite psychic kid bc of the collage in your closet #we got precious few moments with you but this collage tells us so much #like the focus of this shot is sam seeing it and being like ''oh shit this guy is connected to the yellow eye demon some how''#and the show tells us scott was afraid. it tells us he was confused and scared #reminds me of that tumblr post that's like ''shark week became my religion the couch was my church''#''when you spend so much time on something on trying to understand it you can't help loving it a little you can love something and still be-#-scared of it''#and that post has lived in my mind rent free for awhile bc it. it's just so good #and the obsession the narrator has with sharks is understandable #anyway scott feels the same way about yellow eyes that the writer of that post has about sharks #fear but a desire to understand to the point of obsession #take a shot every time i say obsession in these tags #but like. there's only one word to describe the yellow eye collage. obsession #azazel had taken over Scott's life

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craycraybluejay · 19 days

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im attracted to abstract concepts found in morbidly perverted things

#the kind of mental illness you only unlock when you have someone else to make yoy specially ill you know?#someone who makes you sick in a way thats truly rare and unusual #normal and good and whatever are boring #but there's a charm to a twisted up web of fringe ideas and terms that can barely begin to describe #idk maybe bc im schizo i just assign extra meaning to things that 'arent that deep'#but idk there are unique beaties only i can notice and maybe its horror but its beautiful too #and there are never enough words #other than 'i am disgusting and you are my muse'#to look at someone and just in that one moment there is a universe of unnamed emotion in looking at them #and its not stuff like Being In Love most of the time #its more like. wow theres something so wrong with you. wow your hair looks so beautiful in this angle. wow.. wow #wow you chew really interesting. your opinions are horrible. i can fix you. i want to make you worse #in a millisecond its like having lived an entire life staring at this one person #and thinking a million bundled twisted twined thoughts of them #and always the best word you can really grab for it is WOW #im in awe with whatever the fuck my brain just did in response to the existence of You #and quite possibly it will never do that again #its not like in loveness or like some weird limerence #but in this one singular point in time You fascinate me beyond comprehension #the pores in your skin fascinate me. what you had for dinner fascinates me.#another good word is enthralled.. enraptured.. deluded.. religious #i can tell you the falling in love on acid phenomenon is like this but ten times less or more than ten less #i know bc ive had that #but conceptually it feels similar

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hella1975 · 8 months

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i love how i started taking the pill bc my periods were so bad physically and the pill just went 'no more cramps! mentally we're putting you in a blender tho'

#idk why but for my past three periods and maybe even longer and i just wasn't noting it bc 1) i dont actually get periods anymore #so i can only realise it's my time of the month bc people around me have synced and/or emotionally im such a shitshow that is has to be #and 2) it's only now im seeing a pattern and earlier cases might have just seemed like one offs #but for at LEAST the past three ive been like. fucking manic every time and im not using that word lightly i know it gets chucked about #way too easily but truly i dont know any other word that would describe the way i get and how extreme it is #like i literally dissociate from myself and im detached from my emotions on a good day as we know bc of that long as fuck post just now #so it's EXTRA detrimental when it's increased like this and i just. i dont know how to even explain it #i just lose my SHIT and not in the mainstream mentally ill way that's become palatable and desired #i mean in actual weird and concerning ways and im just like. unqualified and scared and dealing with it by myself #bc people dont talk about this shit anyway and i dont talk about ANYTHING i dont know HOW to even if i wanted to #im truly very sorry for all this i promise it's just my period el oh el #hysterical woman moment! nurse lock her in the room with the yellow wallpaper NOW #hella goes home

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broke-on-books · 2 months

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Holy topic change batman

How did we even get here

#reading a poem from class and am just in shock at a change of topic here and the language used #like i dont have cultural knowledge/connection/whatever of the word used so it itself isnt like sensitive for me in any way nd i dont know #how much it is that in spanish (bc im reading the poem in soanish and translating the words i dont know into english to understand better)#but the FREAKING TOPIC CHANGE here has left me so shocked #like im sorry but how do we go from talking abt how this homie is like the special voice of the city and connection to nature in an #industial world only to then go (direct translation) “and the faggots #they dreamed of you“ like bro WHEN DID THEY GET HERE #anyways i picked this poem bc it was a little queer from the skim i did i can admit that but obviously i missed the bulk of it because i did #not see that line coming at all or the total topic change here #like again i picked up it was a little gay on the skim bc its by a gay poet abt a gay poet. and bro is described using words like beautiful #handsome etc. a few times #but looking through and skimming the rest is just them talking about gay ppl the whole time. how did i miss this. like yeah this was #likely written in the 1920s uses older language (not to mention in my 2nd language) but wow okay #going thru and translating and that just hit me by surprise horribly #I THOUGHT WE WERE TALKING ABT INDUSTRY AND NATURE #okay i think ive recovered from the shock there i need to finish actually 7nderstanding this so i can write the paper i put off so ling #also 10 points and like a shitty doodle of choice if anyone knows the poem here.#i have an awful track record of following through on these promises but like interested to see if its semi obvious

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songofwizardry · 5 months

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i stumbled across a Rumi quatrain on tumblr today and it reminded me to go looking for my favourites, so here's a few, all taken from Kulliyat-e Shams-e Tabrizi, with the caveat that i do not speak Farsi and I have read them all as translations only. more notes on translation at the end, but all of these are translated by Zara Houshmand, and taken from the archives of The Iranian.

#1771

#57

#1584

#1316

and the note on translation: these are of course not the Coleman Barks translations, the most popular English translations. i think the orientalism and... de-Sufi-fying and de-Muslim-ifying of the Barks translations and a lot of English-language and Western perception of Rumi is much more discussed now (Jawid Mojaddedi, who is writing a translation of Rumi's multi-volume Masnavi, says, "The Rumi that people love is very beautiful in English, and the price you pay is to cut the culture and religion.") if you're interested, Persian Poetics has a great twitter thread about it and their website has text, audio, and video resources where they've talked about it. and this article from Ajam Media is a short read and an interesting comparison of a few different translations.

if you enjoy Zara Houshmand's translations, she has a book of translations of Rumi's quatrains, Moon and Sun. there's many translations of Rumi's works not by Barks, that prioritise different things: you can 100% find a translation that isn't Barks, and Rumi's work is. so beautiful and so much better when you are not reading whatever uhhh... interpretation Barks came up with.

#image description in alt #poetry #text post #my post #fun fact in the same article i linked barks is quoted as saying #'the Qur'an is hard to read'#(yes i have changed the transliteration to Qur'an from the quote bc i'm sorry but i refuse to type it that way)#1 that's fucking bonkers to say as someone who has 'translated' Rumi's work like how are you openly admitting to that #and 2 the Masnavi quotes extensively from the Qur'an???#anyway i cannot begin to describe the shock i felt when i first came across 1 Rumi quatrains in the original Farsi where you can. physicall #see how much is missing from Barks' translation (and can identify common themes in those words if you can read any Arabic script)#and 2 when i read other translations for the first time and realised how much both God-as-figure and Islamic and Sufi tradition and #philosophy was missing #i was genuinely upset #it's... idk #when you are feeling that strange and deep ache and joy of love that is always mixed with the deep ache and joy of faith or God or etc #you gotta turn to Rumi yknow i need to remember that more often #i also haven't quoted from Mojaddedi's translation bc #i have honestly only seen bits and pieces of the Masnavi #if there's someone who has read more of it or can weigh in on the translation lmk #but like maybe one of my projects next year needs to be trying to read the first volume of that translation

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