#bc literally nothing has changed about me except for the way i see myself

[aliasrocket]

I wanted to say something for an anonymous comment about feeling less embarrassed of having feelings for Rocket. I must say I totally understand that.

A month ago, when GOTG VOL 3 was released, I went to see it at the cinema with my mother, I spent the whole movie very excited for Rocket, but right in that scene where he is on the verge of death and he meets Lylla again, SOMETHING INSIDE IT CHANGED ABOUT ME, because when they were hugging I realized I was JEALOUS, and in my mind I thought "OH NO, IT'S HAPPENING TO ME AGAIN", because I always fall for characters that might be unconventional or weird to other people , then I start looking for fics and I realize that there are not many for the same reason, or there are many where it is more platonic and I think "IT IS NOT ENOUGH" And it's more complicated for me because my first language is not English and in my language there is NOTHING. So meeting people who write Rocket the way I imagined really makes me very happy. I'm even thinking about writing some one shots myself but it's hard, I've never written NSFW and I find it kind of funny that I want to start with Rocket.

Oh my god this was absolutely sweet.

Yes!! Everyone IT IS OKAY TO LIKE UNCONVENTIONAL CHARACTERS. LITERALLY, IT IS NOT A BIG DEAL!! JUST BE YOU!!!

And I’m really sorry there isn’t much fics in your language, but on the bright side I’m really happy that you’re at least able to read and write in english even if it isn’t your first language!

Also, yeah, in my experience, besides sighing the whole goddamn movie (except for the first 10 mins, I will give myself that,) I remember leaving the theatre in a sigh and going on ao3 like “ah shit, here we go again” bc this is the 1982838th time I’ve visited ao3 for some really obscure ship or an x reader fic for a very underrated character.

And about that Rocket smut, I understand how can it be daunting and I’d really love to help you!

Ykw, let me make a quick guide for anyone who’s scared of writing Rocket smut!! But for those of you who wouldn’t wanna read some real ugly/stupid stuff, don’t press the ‘keep reading’ line, haha.

a quick (and definitely unhinged) guide to writing Rocket smut XD

OBVIOUS NSFW WARNING!!! It gets ugly guys please THIS IS YOUR WARNING I’M NOT JOKING!!

If you’re uncomfortable with heavy nsfw please turn away now!!

written by aliasrocket (89P13 on ao3 hehe)

Suitable for any smut involving Rocket! (Looking at you guys, roquill shippers. Don’t worry, I welcome all ships on my blog <3)

This is supposed to be a writing smut guide specifically meant for Rocket so I’m not gonna go into the basics of writing smut, but if you’re a total beginner, here’s some pointers to help :

the genitals, legs, muscles, brain : main places that tend to be the most stimulated, exhausted or absolutely wiped. That being said, you can use these as a starting point for describing the feelings the characters or the reader may feel in the moment.

besides the main thing, you could try to set the mood by maybe mentioning how the moans sounded like, (screams, squeals, cries etc.) and other things the characters were doing to ground them in the moment, like gripping the sheets, gripping the other person’s shoulder or hips, etc.

Okay, so, about Rocket in particular …

Yeah, of course writing smut about a fucking Raccoon isn’t going to be fucking easy. But don’t worry, as someone who has studied all 3 gotg films and slowed down quite possibly every single Rocket clip in existence (enough to know Rocket … is genuinely CANONICALLY is very particular/skilled with his fingers, he knows where he’s putting them and knows EXACTLY which buttons to press on any tech, so … definitely good at using his fingers if you catch my drift) I think I might have gotten the hang of it to help some of you guys out.

So first off, when I write Rocket smut I always imagine he’s his comic height instead of his mcu height (don’t search it up, you’re just gonna be depressed about it trust me) so all you have to know is that if he pressed you up against a wall his head would be around your shoulder blade area. For missionary, he’s probably around your collarbone.

Rocket canonically has sharp and absolutely grown out nails. No, they’re not retractible. I’ve done research on this, but if you’d like to write him fingering someone, Rocket can have his nails trimmed.

It would hurt if Rocket bit you. Like, it would fucking bleed. So I’m sorry to say to those biting kink girlies (those are me hi) but Rocket can only afford to give you or someone else some nibbles on the skin unless you guys want some serious bloodplay on your hands. This is because he has protruding fangs on both his upper and lower row of teeth, his lower ones more prominent than the top.

Rocket can, however, eat you out. Don’t wanna get too into depth with this but basically his tongue can stick out his muzzle pretty well and his nose makes for a good clit-stimulator HAHAHAH

!!! : (this is going to be a description of the average raccoon penis so skip this if you don’t wanna know about this because you can DEFINITELY write Rocket smut without having to know this so please be free) I had to research this for a very specific request (pls ily shameless anon/pos) and I almost cried out of the loss of my sanity but anyway, raccoons have a baculum bone which is basically a bone in their penis that helps with copulation, its average length is about 4 inches but can be longer if you catch my drift. The genital itself is a like a rod with a ‘spiky’ end (it’s not actually spiky but it looks that way) compared to human genitalia, kind of like a cat’s but much longer and it is a very dark shade of brown or just plain black. Feel free to use any of these for a possible description if ever you need it, though I never really talk about it in fics, especially the whole ‘spiky’ thing. That being said, Rocket should not have an issue with size, as the the average human male genitalia is about five inches, meaning he can hit anyone’s g-spot just fine.

I might add more points if I have any more but this is all I got right now. I really hope this somehow encouraged you to write that nsfw fic you wanted, and just know everyone’s got interests, it’s fine if not a lot of people irl are into Rocket that way, because that’s literally what the internet is for!

#omg I am so sorry guys please forgive me #but if you are considering writing your own Rocket smut this might be helpful #this is so unhinged omg HAHAHA #guardians of the galaxy #rocket raccoon #rocket raccoon fanfic #rocket raccoon imagine #rocket raccoon x you #rocket raccoon x reader #rocket gotg #ask reply #ask response #ask away! #thanks for the ask! #send dirty asks #.alias.help.

[hiemaldesirae]

I read it and omg it turned out amazing like the way you described Valentino’s and Velvette’s demon form has a chokehold on me I never really see people portray Velvette as an actual doll too much it’s mostly just a comment that’s it so you just going all out on that was so good and Valentino being the one with the cool head during this was nice but also fitting normally people would make Val a brainless idiot or a manipulative dick so him being just calm and strangely scary was a nice change but I can totally see him being more like a evil all his moves are calculated type overlord whenever someone he honestly cares about is at stake or hurt we really just need more found family vees but Vox literally just letting himself get kidnapped was such a pleasant surprise I didn’t expect myself to be so spot on about the fact Vox really has more control over the situation and don’t get me started on Alastor I just love the way you always give Vox and Alastor a muse x painter dynamic so this story was just the epitome of that trope but come on Alastor don’t be stingy let the vees go to y’all’s wedding another thing I love dramatic stories but it’s always so funny thinking what the other characters think like can you imagine Charlie’s confusion when Vel says he kidnapped Vox and he just like yeah I did lol Lucifer coming in to save Charlie he probably doesn’t really care about what’s happening let alone knows. Lucifer needing a reminder on who Velvette and Valentino are but recognizes Vox instantly gives off Adam not knowing who Alastor is but knows angel also I need to know what Charlie and Alastor talked about when he left the room cause I know nothings good gonna come out

haha thank you!! i based velvettes demon form off those like, old stories about those haunted dolls like annabelle and such. i think the dichotomy between a sinners regular and demon form is such an interesting concept to explore- i think personally that a sinner's demon form is their 'true' self-- since so many sinners and overlords especially wear a mask to hide their true faces, when they turn to their full demon form they shed that mask in a sense. from vals actions in masquerade, i developed this headcanon that val is the type of person who throws little tantrums for fun, but when he gets Really angry, his anger is cold and calculating more than anything. in that way, he's a lot like vox, except... well, vox is able to keep more of a lid on things most of the time because he Has To as the face of the vees. so yeah, i def agree with you! found family vees really does have my heart, they're the worst and they love each other <3

yesyesyes to all of the radiostatic dynamics!! theyre both horrible terrible posessive freaks but in my mind alastor wouldnt have been able to take him away from home if vox hadnt at least given a verbal okay at first, he's too much of a fighter to go without a struggle lol. and yeah i feel like i spent a looot of time on the other characters povs solely bc they were so much fun to write lmao. like.... imagine being charlie and having to watch this all go down meanwhile youre thinking 'awww its so sweet' no. this is like black swan levels of psychological horror and you are going to watch it all go down live

#ran rambles #hazbin hotel #radiostatic #fic asks

[hopelesslyromanticshark]

hey cove! as a poc moot I feel like maybe I should pitch in also?

first of all anyone who's been accusing you of being intentionally uninclusive needs to understand that trying to guilt someone who has expressed a real interest in changing things instead of advising them will not solve the issue, just exacerbate it. they aren't offering any meaningful criticism, they're just yelling at you without offering any suggestions, which serves 0 purpose

I also get why you're hesitant about not wanting to go too far in the other direction and end up stereotyping in the name of inclusion! you value your work and don't want to give it the hallmark treatment, which is very fair of you and a much better way of writing than just resorting to tired tropes for the sake of points

I also understand why the original anon was frustrated, and I'm happy you came to an agreement with them, because you made it clear that you can see what they were talking about and didn't dismiss anyone out of hand. secondary poc ask that mentioned preferring a nonspecific reader over tropey writing hit the nail on the head in my opinion actually!

what people need to understand is that trying to be inclusive by pulling out tropes is still alienating, just in a different way? alienation by omission is what happens when you're constantly left out, which is why people like og anon feel like they're not presented equally.... but on the other hand, stereotypical writing also frustrates us because it feels almost careless, that you're treated as an afterthought who can settle for anything.

and you're aware of this, which the hissing gollum anon needed to understand! you know how disrespectful that would be so you hesitated, and the phrasing was enough to set them off, which is ridiculous because they weren't civil with you themselves.

all told I feel like your need for a break is valid, and you need the rest from tumblr for a bit to gather your thoughts. I also feel like most of your poc audience agrees that more nonspecific descriptions are the way to go, especially because you don't feel like you can suddenly switch up your writing, and you acknowledging that and wanting to try is good, whether bridge troll anon thinks so or not

i know this is very long and a bit rambly, but I feel like you deserve a more mature response than what some people have been plying you with lately (also, some of the characters you are writing for literally are poc themselves....? they're acting you've done nothing and it's so strange.)

anyway, I hope your break treats you well! and remember, it is an option to turn off anon asks if you feel like it. stay safe out there and good luck with the sem!

— aru

firstly, i appreciate you voicing your opinion!! there is nothing more comforting than to hear from those who are actually in the community!!

something that i LOVE that you pointed out that i didn't even realize is the fact that they added NOTHING TO THE CONVERSATION!! all they did was criticize me without backing up your claims or even voicing your opinions in a constructive way. i learned nothing, except that youre a dickwad.

i do regret the way i phrased it, but i was legit trying to keep the mood light because that ask had been stressing me out for a few days...like, dry heaving shaking and just completely frazzled. so, i acknowledge that there were better ways i could have phrased it, but i was like two days deep into the most stressed i'd ever been in my entire life, so im cutting myself a little slack lmao.

everything you said in this is perfect, perfect, perfect. so eloquently put while also tearing those shitty ass anons down.

ive def thought about turning anons off but i feel it would be unfair to those who use it in a respectful manner for their own peace of mind. but its def something i've been considering bc ALL the trouble i have is with anons, from illegal requests to all this junk now. but idk idk

#return to sender ౨ৎ #all my love ౨ৎ

[chromotps]

The thing about Ace/Sabo is that the ship is less about them being brothers but more like them sharing a childhood friendship? That had the potential of becoming something more in the future. Except it didn’t, for obvious reasons. And yeah not everyone’s a fan of that, but people also like the raised by wolves/son of a noble dynamic they had as children. While I agree Sabo does kind of feel like he was stuck to Ace&Luffy as an afterthought, with a piece of chewed-out gum — his existence doesn’t… I don’t know, feel out of place? I also enjoy how kinda tragic his character is, and how he carries that tragedy with him? In the form of Ace’s devil fruit (Sabo also canonically hallucinates and there was an instance where he admitted to hearing Ace’s voice, during his fight with Burgess? so yeah, not everyone’s cup of tea again but I’m a huge fan of hurt/comfort so having a character go through a psychotic depressive episode because of the insane guilt he feels? Just, yeah. Plus there’s something really poetic about him literally eating Ace’s DF and still considering it „Ace’s powers” etc) and the way I see Sabo/Lu is through Ace/Lu (and partially Ace/Sabo) anyway. Because Sabo is trying to fill out the role of an older brother/friend for Luffy that he’s well aware is impossible to fill — because nothing ever will be the same for Luffy. Nothing or no one could even come close to making it up for Ace’s loss to Luffy, and Sabo knows he’s kind of a cheap copy of that (figuratively and literally lmfao, as I know people have been calling him low-budget Ace), but still he tries to? And the fact that Luffy is technically his only remaining family (or at least someone he willingly considers family). And I kind of see it as a parallel to how Ace’s approach to Luffy changed after Sabo’s „death”? Because Sabo was the „kinder” brother, the nicer one, the smarter one, it was usually him who took Luffy’s side whenever Ace was annoyed with him? And the one who explicitly asked Ace to look after Luffy — which then was one of the direct reasons why Ace changed the way he treated Luffy, forced him to be more patient/learn to love and eventually led to Ace willingly becoming the „older brother” figure for Luffy. I’m in no way trying to convince you to like Sabo, don’t get me wrong!! I’m just trying to show an example how Ace/Sabo isn’t necessarily brotherly either (like, I don’t know, Sabo/Luffy seems to be?). And it’s just that while I’m first and foremost a huge Ace/Lu enjoyer I also think Sabo did have a significant impact on their relationship both before and after Ace’s death.

((!! sorry i took a while to reply! i made that post before work on Friday and then got slammed until just now fdghjgk)

the odd thing is, I mostly agree!! I think I had to vent bc i saw ppl (a few specific sabo fans haha) on twitter acting like luffy would feel nothing toward ace but be obsessed with sabo. and, lol, no. but what YOU said makes total sense. like, yes, Ace + Sabo definitely has a different, more involved feeling to me than Ace & Luffy. I've had some ships in the past that fit the raised by wolves/runaway noble trope... the charm of the noble feeling like "this is the only person I feel like I can really be myself around" and the wild one thinking "i like spending time with this noble—they're tougher/kinder/funnier than i gave them credit for" AND/OR "society has always rejected me, but this 'cultured' person accepting me heals that pain a little bit"—all of those things are really charming.

Maybe if we'd seen more about how ace and sabo became friends, or if there were more emphasis on sabo's acceptance being what helped ace's anger (instead of, just from how i saw things, it being mostly luffy's unconditional warmth toward ace that did it?) then I'd personally be more feral about that dynamic, haha. But it's like you said, I guess it all depends on what we each connect with. I dont find tragedy alone compelling... I'm depressed enough already as it is LMAO!! if I think too hard about how viscerally sad Sabo only remembering Ace after he'd died is, my brain just shuts down. But I've got really good friends who would EAT THAT UP. Like, yeah, it is beautifully poetic... hahaha now i'm laughing thinking about my friends who were really into Hamlet and Romeo & Juliet finding out about Sabo & Ace and being obsessed, ahaha (they're not so into One Piece tho, only jjk... at least, for now!! 😈)

it's hard to put into words, but there's something about Sabo being a revolutionary vs. ace and luffy being pirates, that kind of explains why my brain sees A+L as very very very different than A&S or L&S. But like, that's just my brain and how my heart likes to focus on characters with really codependent relationships/dreams/themes, hahaha...

#also if we're talking tragedy #so many people have said it better than i ever could but #the beauty and drama of marineford #i live in denial and usually like imagining a timeline where ace was severaly wounded but lived through it #but canon #gosh #ace dying in luffy's arms bc luffy was in danger and he had to protect him #and he only had to protect him bc luffy was too weak from fighting his way through hell for ace #the love was there and it mattered and it didn't change anything but it mattered etc etc i'm WAILING #i don't know i'm bad at explaining why one of those tragedies makes my brain feel things and the other one doesn't quite as much #i wish i could express it better!!! sometimes i'm so frustrated with how i feel like i'm not really getting across the point i meant to #ace had been looking for that love his whole life!! he died KNOWING he had it!! (also like i didn't mention whitebeard here but #all that love ace received being the exact reason he had to turn back....) #and luffy!! luffy knowing he mattered to ace so much--ace loved him so much--he would die for him.... #and going forward with that rock-solid certainty that he's loved in the new world #i'm going to fight a traffic sign. i'm at a loss. #ANYWAY i don't know if this was interesting or annoying as an answer but....... hopefully it was at least a little fun? #and if we just connect with different things in one piece then--not too surprising #with how big the story is!!! #the beauty of fandom etc etc different perspectives coming together and all that #meta #op #asl

[frecklystars]

Hey, you absolutely do not have to respond to this if you don't wanna, I just wanted to tell you about an option that might help with your PTSD. I have severe C-PTSD that debilitates me and has caused me to be severely suicidal for most of my life. Therapy and meds helped a little but were ultimately useless, until on a last ditch effort, I decided to try psilocybin therapy. I cultivated them myself and took a small amount every month, and I went from insanely suicidal to actually having a will to live and happiness again. I still have a lot of issues, but taking a gram of mushrooms once a month has genuinely saved my life. I don't usually recommend it bc nobody reacts the same way, but I just thought I'd tell you so that you could research it. I learned how to grow them via r/unclebens. Like I said, you don't have to acknowledge this, I just figured I'd pass it along. I hope that either way, things get better for you.

Before I say anything else, I want to say that I am so, so, so sorry that you have to deal with c-ptsd as well. My heart goes out to you. Thank you for taking the time out of your day to talk to me, a complete stranger, to offer some kindness and empathy; I appreciate you sending this to me and being so open. I sometimes feel like my own c-ptsd is very "stupid" because I have a long, LONG list of triggers that aren't "normal" like colors, clothes, phrases... I guess that's why they're triggers, they're not supposed to "make sense" but still. Exactly like you said, it debilitates your life. I'm so sorry that you've had to deal with this too. It's terrifying to live with. I've had both ptsd and c-ptsd in my life and... like, they're both incredibly challenging, I'm not downplaying ptsd at all in comparison to c-ptsd -- that being said -- holy fuck c-ptsd is a whole new ballgame. When I went thru the worst of my ptsd years ago I was like "wow nothing could be harder than this" and now the c-ptsd is happening and I'm like "oh I was wrong, this is so much worse actually" at least for me in my personal experiences

Mentally I am holding your hand and I see you and I hear you and I am so proud of you for continuing to live when it has been so fucking hard. I am so glad you're here. Thank you for being here and for continuing to fight when it's so damn hard. Look at you go. You're crushing it. I see you striving.

This is something (well, not the exercise specifically, but uhhhh, the shrooms I guess) that was recommended to me by a support group for my ptsd years and years and years ago; I brought it up with a few doctors but I was strongly advised not to try it bc they said it would make my anxiety/depression far worse. I'm not sure if the answer would change now since I'm older and I'd be asking different doctors lol... this is actually my first time hearing about therapy for it, however. I think that's very interesting. I've always been very nervous around drugs and have never considered smoking anything bc my anxiety around it is so bad, but sometimes the flashbacks are so awful and the nightmares have been HORRIFIC and nonstop for 14 months now, i'm willing to sell my soul to the devil just to get rid of them at this point 😭 i had one of my worst breakdowns ever last night and all i did was accidentally stumble upon (1) single photo of a trigger, and it set me off for hours, getting physically sick and unable to do literally anything except Be Sick On The Floor. but I will definitely think it through more and ask some professionals abt this specific kind of therapy; when I was younger I used to have some slight heart problems so I'd probably have to ask what's the best approach for me first... I'll try to do some further internet research on it too

Only once a month huh... Whether or not if it's something I'd even be able to try, I'm SO glad it helps you, man. I'm so glad you could have some peace and relief that you didn't have before. Thank you for your well wishes, I extend the same to you ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

#anonymous #asks #drugs cw #drugs mention #drugs #ask to tag #ptsd

[dulcewrites]

oh my god fmo!aemond would be the type of person to have a madonna whore complex wouldn't he 😭 now im even more excited for the next part and to find out if the way in which he considered alys had changed (before daemyra entered the picture) when he fell in love with her or when she became pregnant. like i think he would still see reader and alys being stationed on two different levels except they Would have something in common now.... alys' side of things is sooo interesting to think about too (especially since we haven't officially met her yet and if it really turns out she had been planted by daemyra). unlike reader, she's allowed to cross that line of using her charms to get what she wants in a more direct way and probably does find some pleasure in it (or rather has come to) but surely not without it causing her some serious damage due to being a bastard servant and it maybe being her only her means to survive in the world. also it adds another layer to what you've said before about both her and reader fixating on each other and craving what the other has and all of it has me wanting to Scream because theyre all so fucked up and i love themmmm. PLEASE don't stop sharing fmo web weavings/meta posts, they absolutely bright up my day💌

It definitely would have been interesting to see if he changed with her apparently being pregnant. Would it have been “easier” because alys would not be around the reader is. Or bc he thinks the child was made out of love. Would his brain get fucked up again bc alys is now a mother, and he can’t wrap his head around a mother engaging in things they do. Like you said, would they be on the same level now as caregivers of his children… fulfilling a duty now.

I think it’s why hearing that news literally sends reader into labor. If she isn’t making her husband happy, if he isn’t having sex with her… and now he is having children with other women. In her mind, she’s thinking what even is my purpose here.

The differences similarities between reader and alys live rent free in my head too. I kind of see them as Alicent and Rhaenyra in the sense that it is possible for them to be victims and perpetrators in a patriarchal society… bc most women (myself included) are both at times.

Alys clearly is a victim in how she’s been treated as a bastard and then of course a woman. Sort of similar to Rhaenyra, I see her maybe making not great decisions as a mean to survival. It is not her (or Rhaenyra’s) job to uplift other women (though ryra obviously has more power to do that) especially when she is just trying to survive…. but in they also may feel the need to step on some toes to achieve semblances of power/freedom. She thinks of reader and sees someone who has live a very privileged life, especially compared to her, and she’s not wrong. But with that privilege comes a certain level of rigidness that alys probably wouldn’t like.

Just like reader can be a victim in her marriage, and basically being degraded by her mother growing up. Told that her wants and needs are secondary. She ~knows~ her role and place. But she can be a perpetrator with internalizing that and project that onto other women. She probably thought some very… not nice things when she found out the woman Aemond cheating with was an older bastard woman. Fmo is a story about cheating, and the targs being messy. But also reader reevaluating ideas of patriarchy (even if she doesn’t have that word in her head as a medieval woman).

Alys and reader are sort of everything each other want to be but also nothing they want to be… it’s interesting and fucked up

#I’m glad you guys are fine with my rambling lmao bc I love talking about it 🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽 #especially asks like this #fool me once asks #but it’s also ironic bc like… good looking nobility seemingly with a stick up their ass… yeah reader is so alys’ type

[sexydreamgirl]

hera I'm sorry for trauma dumping but I feel rlly shitty rn and dont have anyone to rant to, u don't have to answer if u don't want. and I also hope u understand what I'm trying to say :).

I have gotten so much more insecure lately and comparing myself to others, like I see the best version in everyone else especially look wise but not myself, and Im even scared ti have a bf bc I think he is going to leave me for my friend etc. ik that I just have to work on my sc but I feel weird abt it, bc I have this very dumb mindset and jealousy issues that others are literally born beautiful with perfect bodies and I have to MANIFEST for me to have it, it just seems unfair yk?

but the thing is growing up I was considered very pretty and that I had a nice body, like even strangers sometimes would compliment me. but rn that doesn't happen anymore like literally it's the opposite no one thinks I'm pretty anymore and no one has any romantically interest in me and it makes me kind of upset. I feel really guilty but I always compare myself and get jealous of a friend of mine bc she seems to be smart and have the body that guys want and in general she always gets things easier while I feel that I have to work for it. so idk why I'm not considered pretty anymore is it like did I rlly had an glow down or did the beauty standards changed? .. anyway ik that I also can just manifest having it back but I feel that me manifesting it back it like cancels it out kind of ? like I would rather not be in a position that I have to manifest beauty yk?and it's not just with the beauty wise like I feel everything I would get complimented on it kind kind disappeared and I got worse. like I was known for having very clear skin and very white pearly teeth but now I don't and can't say that oh yeah I always had clear skin and it kind of annoys me If u understand what i mean? same goes with talents like I used to be a dancer and good one and would be very athletic but now nothing, and I would speak fluently some languages, especially the ones I speak in my house and now I'm not able to.

I rlly don't know what's wrong with me and why i have become like this, its like I have lost all my personality and have gotten depressed and ppl view me much differently that how i rlly am and used to be like an example I used to be athletic but now they think I'm lazy bc I don't participate in gym class but I find it reasonable but it still annoys me. and i would have guys that have crush on me and now nothing, and I have lost all of my friends and no one likes me and they treat me like shit and i always feel that I'm responsible for it and in just so lost and ikd what to do with my life .

so my question is, except that I would like some advice or anything would be nice , is there a chance that I have accidently manifested all this or did that happen by its own??.. I hope this wasn't too much, thank u for ur time :)

According to the law you manifest the good, the bad and the indifferent. However, there's a difference between conscious manifestation and unconscious manifestation. So even if it wasn't your intention to manifest such unfavorable matters, that doesn't discredit how you can or should feel about the situation.

That said, you're not obligated to continue being a person you don't want to be. You don't have to be trapped in this conception of self if it has you in a terrible headspace, but the change must begin with you. You need to realize that the only person standing in your way of becoming the best version of yourself is you, there is no one to change but self. You are bringing forward excuses about guilt because you have to manifest xyz okay AND? You're no better nor worse than somebody who didn't have to manifest it. There's a reality where you're the total opposite of everything you've just described, there's a reality where it's even better than anything you could've ever imagined. No reality is better than another, so why not start working with the law to your favor? You're manifesting 24/7 anyway. You know you can do something about it, so just go for it. Don't let yourself get consumed by feelings of guilt over what is essentially YOUR birthright. Just go for it and don't give up for anything or anyone, you deserve to live out the life of your dreams.

#trauma dump

[blushroomx]

i need to rant just keep scrolling

dropped out of grad school, can’t hold down a job, can’t make or keep a friend to save my life, i’m completely broke, no health insurance, my family is not reliable for support, and i have symptoms so intense it’s actually kind of embarrassing to talk about. so when someone tells me they understand what mental illness is like bc they have trauma or anxiety or whatever, but i see them living their best life, hanging out with friends all the time, graduating, accepting prestigious fellowships, their amazing support system, traveling the world, it’s just like? do you? do you get it?

it's not a competition. it's not a competition. it's not a competition it's not a competition but i'm so unbelievably, violently jealous that i am bristling like a damn cartoon character

i know it's wrong okay i know i know i know. i'm not being very compassionate or empathetic right now. someone could appear the happiest they've ever been and the next day they're not here anymore. that happens and i know it. and it's not a competition and social media is always fake anyways but i can't shake how fucking inadequate and bitter i feel when i see people getting attention and sympathy for their mental health struggles, acting like a fucking influencer giving people mental health tips and sharing their experiences while traveling europe with friends meanwhile i'm in the corner just fucking rotting. i am rotting and i get nothing from anyone. nothing. i get nothing and i'm being selfish and dumb right now but i don't care because if you haven't heard i am rotting!!! i am literally dying! i'm dying! i'm dying and nobody cares? doctors don't care unless you have money (i don't; i am currently unmedicated and have been diagnosed with bpd, bipolar ii, ptsd, and gad who knows what else honestly i haven't done much therapy, i need medication i need it and i need therapy i am going insane i am going insane i can't live like this anymore). my parents don't care as long as i'm living my life according to their expectations (which i'm not so they won't help; tell me why it makes sense to only give money to your daughter when she has a good job and not when she's having a hard time, also they don't think mental illness is real). and we won't be able to make rent this month and the bills are piling up and my partner suffers to the extent that i do and we're trying our best but what can you do when a week before rent is due you get covid? when you get a flat tire with no money to fix it? when a cop randomly decided he didn't like you and gives you a ticket he didn't have to that you absolutely can't pay? bad luck feels like a fucking stab wound when you're already hanging on by a thread. and yet i'm supposed to sit here and nod happily and accepting as someone claims they know what it's like? when they literally never have to worry about anything???? when it doesn't seem to get in the way of their lives at all?????????>

i'm just so miserable. i have always been miserable and nobody has ever helped me. every time i used to try telling my parents how depressed or suicidal i was i would get yelled at for hours until i changed my mind ("you're right dad. i was wrong, i don't really feel that way. i'm sorry"). my childhood was fucked honestly. been thinking about it a lot recently, can't get it out of my head, it's kind of fucking me up. i look in the mirror and see my father's features and it makes me sick. anyway. now i'm an adult with no skills beyond what it takes to succeed in school, except i'm so burnt out from years of suppressing and neglecting my illnesses that i can't do anything anymore. i used to be a stone; i never showed emotion because i was punished for doing so. now it's like the dam has been broken and the smallest thing sends me into an episode that takes me out for the rest of the day. and i'm not weak, i'm not! i'm not. i'm not. i push myself until i break. to the point where if i'm not shaking and crying and physically unable to stand then i consider myself a lazy weakling and a coward. sometimes i wish all my bones were broken so everyone would know that i really can't do it. i know it's not true it's just my programming but like. i just break so easily now. i break so easily and i struggle so deeply and my partner and i are actually doing better right now, we're working more but it's not enough and that gets you down. and i don't know how it ever can be enough when we're so firmly at rock bottom. i wish we had more money. it would help so much if we could pay our bills. whatever i don't actually hate people who have mental illness and good lives i just hate my own life that's all

#i'm fine #my situation is just overwhelming to the point of being surreal #it's not hopeless it just feels that way too often

[escaping-consciousness]

Of course, I can’t rely on anyone.

I don’t know if my bf will be able to get a job and KEEP it long enough before I completely deplete my savings. I struggle to save what $150 every check, but it won’t stay there. I’ve had to take it out to compensate for him or our roommates when they were unemployed. I’ll probably have to do it again to keep his car from being repoed, because unemployment may deny his claim. A bill needs to be paid and I just shit out money that could’ve gone to new computer equipment, clothes that actually fit me, therapy, or a course for a certification to get a better paying job. I could use it to move. I can’t do shit though. My hands are tied because I’m working all the time.

I can’t even do anything for myself because there’s no money left for me. I refrain from using what I can keep in the savings account .

I’m too tired and depressed to focus on my hobbies and skills. I need books to study, and I want to invest in freelancing, I just don’t have the support or the time. When I want yo get in the zone, it’s time to cook or go to bed so I can get up for work. When it’s the weekend, we have chores to catch up on. My money is gone by the time we finish groceries.

I don’t even have kids or my own pet. I have literally NOTHING except the my personal bills. The only good thing is that my bills are finally being paid on time. I can do my part. I know the economy is tough but I’ve gone too long without the things that could change my life or make me happy.

I don’t know what to do.

I feel alone and exhausted. I have a hard time seeing the positives in my situation. Yes, I’m alive, but I’m miserable. I just exist and I can’t make myself happy without compromising the security of having somewhere to live and paying things on time.

When I ask for help, there’s excuses from family or they’re trying to bail out cousins that don’t deserve the money because they refuse to work or get help. My mom has nothing to give. She ended up putting me in debt because she didn’t have enough to help me like she promised. She was too trusting and was just too busy helping her friend, her brother, or my brothers. None of them paid her back or even kept their end of the deal, but I did. I still get little financially help, even though forced to break my back for everyone else.

I can’t go home. Even if I did, there wouldn’t be room for me living back at mom’s. They’re struggling just as much and I’ll just be their taco to work because neither my brother or cousin have their own cars nor will they take public transportation or carpool with coworkers. Mom will emotionally cling to me because of how unhappy she is. If I go home, I’ll purposely OD.

Even if I left my bf, I’d be a burden to my friends. I can’t live alone because i simply can’t afford the rent. I make too much for assistance. I don’t have the skills. I can draw, but AI is fucking up the industry. I don’t have an audience for commissions. I’m not pretty or in shape enough for sex work. Something will happen to me if I ever go homeles.

A lot of this is so mean to think but I just don’t care,

I’m so demotivated by my circumstances but I wish that I didn’t wake up the next morning. I feel like I worked hard for nothing. People telling me “I’m doing great” have no idea how much pain I’m in and it seems like they don’t care either way. Nobody checks up on me. They just ask my parents about me, rather than call or message me.

I wish I didn’t need to be alive. I’m tired of being strong for everybody just so I can be there for them to lean on. I’m tired as bc I want to quit.

I don’t know why I’m sven here anymore.

I’m so unhappy and I can’t escape my life.

[himmelsmaler]

about a change

i am a young adult in my early twenties. i had lived in some different places and met a lot of people, whom some became my closest and loved ones. i have had the relationship of love, friendship, business partner, and even the adversarial one. each of these has left me at least one lesson to learn. well, they have their own characteristics, because certainly, different person went through a different story and journey. but there is one thing which i noticed was always there in each of them that hurted me a lot after the relationship that we had broke and ended: a change.

some friendly strangers could felt so warm. whenever i am wherever, i really love to be smiled at, to have a random short conversation, or to be the person to discuss with about anything and everything. it’s such a pleasure to feel that way, bcs not everyone has the same feeling. but compared to strangers, our closest people certainly feel much warmer. a group of people, or a single soul called family, friends, or the special one.

i have experienced it several times. facing and dealing with the situation that i couldn’t believe my eyes and soul to ever really happen to me. i even questioned myself what did i do so wrong that could make this person acting like that. something that completely tear me out but on the other side i also needed to realize and accept the fact that it‘s not impossible for such thing to ever happen to anybody. it’s the change of behaviour.

it was between confusing and surprising to realize it was really that person showing me a changed behaviour as if i wasn‘t a someone to him/her anymore. that person or people who were nice to me, whom i always felt safe with, the souls that kept me alive. it was unbelievable to see them ignoring me, stop showing their love toward me, refusing to treat me the way they used to. until the day came and i was totally lost and felt like it was a nightmare. there was nothing i could do except accepting the fact that they were since then different to me. i could feel my heart beated so fast and erratic, denying my brain saying that i lost them starting that day and had to let them go to avoid being trated like shit and take good care of my feeling and mental health. it was always a big thing to me. i can‘t see people change. i don‘t want to have them playing another role in my life. i don‘t want them go.

hours turn into days. days turn into weeks. weeks turn into months. and i saw nothing returned into the way as it was before. i didn’t see them come back to me to have their old roles i wanted them to play. and i didn’t have anything to fix it. what then? well, what else than accepting it? 🥀

it still hurts like hell to remember.

back then i couldn’t believe that i really faced this. i mean.. how come? they literally behave very differently. so cold and hurting. no texts, no greetings, no smiles. way too far from who they were that i had on my mind, from what i imagined they would ever be. the person who i thought would always treat me right, who was warm to me, who was the reason i ever fell in love.

the one who i thought was my home.

-h-

[mayflyuniverse]

gwah i can’t seem to focus on work tonight... 

(this is not a rant btw dw but i’m going to put this under read more bc i am going to Ramble)

Oh gosh-- where do I even begin. It’s just thoughts btw, don’t worry. nothing explicitly bad happens other than I think it’s one of those moments where I’m finding myself stuck in a quicksand of work, no money in my bank account and a ton of other obligations and I just kind of want to expedite everything so i can get to the meat of the bone of what I feel like I should be doing with my life; aka my comic endeavours. 

I get like this when I’m like either rapidly losing will to just live or when I feel that weird surge of passion for my dreams again. Don’t get me wrong; I always have this drive to achieve my dreams of making comics, it’s just with how bad the past few years has been for me, you can say I’m just a little battered and bruise so I get tired when I do get time to like.. invest into making this come true, you know?

I think the thing that is hard to explain to my peers is how much having a big families naturally leaves you with a very small window of energy to expense on everything else. Like, you’re either out of tangible resource by the end of situations (i.e money, time etc) OR you’re just REALLY REALLY tired emotionally and physically that you spend that ‘free time’ recuperating just barely up to normal, only for you to be hit with another cycle. 

It’s just a natural sort of state because there’s just so many people in your family, you know? And I think this goes all around, no matter if you’re the parent, or the eldest kid or the youngest or in the middle-- its like the general energy you have to expense for simply keeping up or upkeeping a large family is just naturally taxing. That can often leave you feeling like you don’t really have time for anything else, including dating or your passions. Which is why, I feel like to choose between the two, I’ve chosen on career / goals because at least that can be monetized and thus adds to resources in the family, y ou know? @__@ 

So I often feel a little sad when I find myself thinking about my dreams and aspirations. It’s also why it really peeves me when I see via osmosis that people try to shove it down my throat that there is a time-limit for these things. I know there isn’t but it feels so tiring to fight against everyone who’s so insistent that once. you’re above 27,  you’re like dead or something lmfao. 

Like, I’m at the stage in my life where I don’t have marital commitments, not even dating commitments. I have no babies to care for except for my siblings and even then the burden of paying for their schooling is not on me completely due to circumstances. It’s by all means, not as heavy as if I was to have my own kid and family. I should, by right, be able to at least expend 30% of my time to just...... work, right? Work on my skills, my career... fix the parts of my life that my parents couldn’t afford to because Im not the only kid right? I should be able to give me those things. 

But I often find myself not quite like that @__@ and that’s discouraging. I definitely refuse to point the blame on my family for this-- I think because even if I did feel that way, I can’t change them. It’ll literally do nothing. It took everything I had to team up with my siblings JUST to get my parents to be OKAY with the idea of family therapy. I can’t expect anything else than that, you know? 

I guess I’m also feeling the pressure of how these past few years, though I was given the choice to choose my vocation. of study (because of our family volume, we’re each given 1 shot only), that my parents have started putting the subconscious pressure that because I’ve ‘failed’ in their eyes in my career (failed, not because I don’t HAVE a career, but because it doesn’t pay as much as they might’ve thought), that my siblings have to suffer for it.

And the feeling that I might contribute in making things MORE difficult for them to pursue their passions; a priviledge I feel I had when I was their age, that tears me apart. And I dunno. Maybe that pressure is what makes me feel like I have to fix this. I have to make money so much that they stop putting undue pressure on the kids... 

But man.. I suck working through that kind of pressure.

Deadline pressure? sure. Societal pressure? sure. But man, pressure from my parents? I just get stumped. 

It’s one thing if I’m like doing it and it’s just not working, you know?  Then I know that’s more of a ‘i’m probably not a good fit for this job so i better make this a hobby than my main gig’ sort of thing... But man, I haven’t even gotten the CHANCE to do it. I’m still WHEEZING trying to get to the starting line ): and i don’t know. that bums me out. I’m just out here constantly clawing, begging for a chance... 

It’s also the end of the year, i think that’s also another reason why I’m thinking about it alot. I mean, with each passing year, I take it as a checklist of ‘have I done enough?’ and boy.. look. I know A LOT happened in my family/personal life that took away a lot of my energy and attention these past few years but man, I feel like I should do better. 

I KNOW i’m good at making comics, at telling stories. This is where I belong. I love it. I love being able to express my thoughts, ideas and try and get into the conversation with my peers about the world, about how we view each other and issues-- i love all of that. I can be proficient at this, I can feel it. It’s like a fish in water-- I WANT to be able to do more with this so so bad....

I just ... I just want to be strong enough to just claw my way out of financial debt and this self-pressure, this familial pressure.... community pressure to JUST.... DRAW. I just want to draw. I just.... want to earn while i draw.

aaaa i dunno.. I mean. Every year, I try to have some healthy level of expectation with my career-- more like with producing Leupus.. Maybe I just need more grit.. Just grit to get myself through the disappointments, the stalled projects, the ghosting from clients and getting sick for two weeks and worrying about being behind on bills... Just grit to dust it all off, focus on my work and get back on track. But every year it feels like it’s getting worse...

GWAH. i can do this.. i can. I know i can. Maybe tonight is just not a good night. I just need to get into bed early and just chill. Reset and tomorrow will be a better day. We’re not giving up. We can do this. Every disappointment and every. rejection has led me to this momennt. Don’t let it distract you. You can do this.. you can do this..

#mayflybuzz

[wildlyabstruse]

i want to see you thrive & be your best you. no negative intentions but it’s treated otherwise. i don’t have time or energy for negativity. you are & always have been literally the only one i care about on this stoopy earth, even after everything. i know you’re going to want to kill me even more for messaging you, especially on here but i told you i’ll always at least try. i know it’s your life & if you don’t want me in it, but fuckk. after talking the little bit we did it made me realize again how much natural chemistry we actually have without even trying, just being us. & i know you felt it too. doesn’t have to be anything serious, can be anything you want. this has been stuck in my head & just doesn’t feel right. hopefully we can talk more about it & come to a healthy resolution for boff (with an F) of us. even if we are friends….or you become my wife or something.

from: toenail

to: big hair lady

pov: your narc ex has an unhealthy obsession with you bc u finally realized what a pos he is and he realized how hard he fumbled the bag bc after years of emotional and psychological abuse and manipulation he thinks he can sweet talk you into letting him ruin your life for the umpteenth time and refuses to except the fact you want absolutely NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING to do with him and his endless attempts to contact you despite blocking him on everything everywhere is desperate and disgusting and disrespectful and and and

like just accept the fact that your purpose in my life was to treat me like shit so i could recognize my own worth and divinity and that i don’t deserve to settle ever again. thats it. case closed.

I will never want you or perceive you the same way again. You are not even a real person. You’re a ghost from my past trying to haunt me and I will not let you. You are dead to me. There is no coming back.

JUST LEAVE ME ALONE. WHY IS THAT SO HARD??! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO STALK MY PERSONAL BLOG? I ALREADY HAD TO TURN OFF MY ANONS ONCE BC U KEEP DOING THIS SHIT AND BLOCKED BOTH UR EMAILS THINKING IT WAS SAFE TO TURN THESE ON AGAIN BC HOW MANY TIMES CAN U BLOCK SOMEONE BEFORE THEY GET THE POINT??? BUT NO NOW THE SECOND I TURN THEM BACK ON YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST WALTZ RIGHT BACK INTO MY LIFE TIME AND TIME AGAIN

“I want to see you thrive and be your best you. no negative intentions but it’s treated otherwise”

Yet you absolutely refuse to accept or respect the fact that wanting to see me thrive and be my best me DOES NOT INVOLVE YOU IN MY LIFE WHATSOEVER. No negative intentions but it’s treated otherwise?

For YEARS you treated me like a revolving door coming and going as you please and yeah I’m just as guilty because i let you so here you are yet again thinking this is normal bc this is the game we played for so long BUT THIS COULDNT BE ANYMORE MORE FUCKING PSYCHOTIC. I LITERALLY MOVED IN WITH YOU AND YOUR MOM WHEN WE FIRST MET BECAUSE THAT’S HOW MUCH I WANTED TO BE WITH YOU DESPITE HOW FUCKING INSANE LIVING THERE WAS. I WAS HOMELESS WITH YOU LIVING IN OUR FRIEND’S CAMPER FOR SIX MONTHS UNTIL WE SAVED ENOUGH FOR OUR OWN APT AND THEN WHEN WE FINALLY GOT OUR FIRST HOME YOU WOULDN’T EVEN DECORATE A FUCKING CHRISTMAS TREE WITH ME. YOU NEVER COOKED UNLESS IT WAS RAMEN. YOU’D HANG OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS AND NOT INVITE ME, OR IF YOU DID TOLD ME TO CHANGE MY OUTFIT BECAUSE YOU DIDNT LIKE WHAT I WAS WEARING. YOU WOULDN’T LET ME HANGOUT WITH MY FRIENDS BECAUSE YOU WERE ALWAYS SUSPICIOUS OF ME AND WHAT I WAS REALLY DOING AND EVEN WHEN I WAS GIVEN PERMISSION I STILL WOULD BE HARASSED AND INTERROGATED. THEN AFTER ALL THAT WE GAVE UP ON OUR APT. YOU GAVE UP ON ME AND ON THE RELATIONSHIP. NOT ONCE. NOT TWICE. OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN ALL THROUGHOUT THE YEARS. EVEN WHEN WE WERE STILL TOGETHER. EVEN IF WE WERE RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER YOU WERE NOT THERE. SO I MOVED STATES AWAY AS FAR AS I COULD TO PROVE TO MYSELF THAT I NEVER NEEDED YOU AND I FUCKING DID IT. I EVEN INVITED YOU TO COME WITH ME AND YOU DOUBTED ME. CALLED ME CRAZY. HAD NO NOPE. THEN MONTHS LATER HAD A GOOD JOB, NICE APT THAT I GOT ALL BY MYSELF, AND WHO LET YOU STAY WITH ME WHEN YOU WERE TRYING TO FIGURE YOUR SHIT OUT? THE SAME PERSON THAT INVITED HIS FRIEND INTO MY APT WITHOUT TELLING ME??? THE SAME PERSON THAT COULDNT EVEN HAVE DINNER READY BY THE TIME I GOT HOME FROM WORK???

You want me to keep going?

The fact that when i moved back from out of state i was STILL WILLING TO GIVE IT A SHOT. AFTER EVERYTHING. And after a couple of more failed attempts and beating a dead horse, YOU TRIED TO REPLACE ME IN EVERY WAY SHAPE FORM AND FACET OF THE WORD. THIS BITCH HAD DAMN NEAR THE SAME NAME AS ME, THE SAME AESTHETIC, THE SAME HOBBIES, THE SAME MUSIC TASTE, BRUH EVEN THE SAME FUCKING TOOTH DOING THE THING THAT IT DOES AND WHEN YOU GOT CAUGHT WITH A VIDEO OF HER ON YOUR PHONE AFTER INVESTING ANOTHER 3 MONTH TALKING STAGE I REALIZED YOU HAD SEEN HER LITERALLY 2 DAYS AFTER RECONCILING FROM OUR TWO MONTH SEPARATION.

ON THE LAST DAY I SAW YOU YOU WERE VERBALLY ABUSIVE. YOU SAID THE NASTIEST VILE SHIT TO ME AND SPOKE TO ME IN A WAY I NEVER THOUGHT YOU WOULD OF YET KNEW YOU HAD THE POTENTIAL TO DO SO BECAUSE I’VE SEEN YOU WHEN YOU’RE ANGRY AND IT’S TERRIFYING AND I’VE EVEN TOLD YOU THIS. I WAS SCARED OF YOU. YOU DISRESPECTED ME. YOU SLANDERED ME. YOU TRAUMATIZED ME. OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. BRO YOU EVEN FUCKING THREW SHIT AT MY CAR!!!!!!!!!!! ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS???? SOMETHING THAT YOU STILL REFUSE TO ACKNOWLEDGE OR ACCEPT THAT YOU DID BUT YOU WANNA BE ALL UP IN MY ASKS TRYNA BE CUTE AND INNOCENT LIKE IDK WHO TF YOU REALLY ARE AND WHAT YOU’RE CAPABLE OF.

YET I’M THE ONE THAT ENDED UP IN THERAPY???!

I HATE YOU. I HATE WHAT YOU DID TO ME. I HATE ALL THE TIME, LOVE, TEARS, EFFORT, AND ENERGY I WASTED ON YOU. I WILL NEVER GET THAT BACK. I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO WATCH MY SISTER GROW UP BECAUSE I WAS TOO DUMB AND STUPID FOLLOWING YOU AROUND LIKE A FUCKING PUPPY. I MADE SO MANY SACRIFICES TO BE WITH YOU THAT I SACRIFICED MYSELF. I LOST MYSELF IN YOU. MY WHOLE WORLD REVOLVED AROUND YOU. YOU MADE ME THINK I WAS UGLY AND WORTHLESS. MADE ME FEEL LIKE I DESERVED A SHITTY BOYFRIEND THAT ONLY EVER GOT ME FLOWERS WHEN HE WAS “sorry”? MADE ME FEEL LIKE I HAD NO PURPOSE. MADE ME FEEL LIKE I WAS ORDINARY. MADE ME FEEL LIKE I DIDN’T DESERVE THE LOVE I GAVE AND THAT I WAS ASKING FOR TOO MUCH. MADE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING ABOUT MYSELF AND MY REALITY. RUINED MY SELF ESTEEM AND ANY SENSE OF CONFIDENCE. TOLD ME WHENEVER I GOT DRESSED UP AND DID MY MAKEUP TO FEEL PRETTY THAT IT WAS TOO MUCH OR THAT I LOOKED TIRED. MADE ME FEEL LIKE I WASN’T ENOUGH AND NEVER WOULD BE. AND THEN MADE ME FEEL CRAZY FOR TRYING TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THESE THINGS AND HOW YOU MADE ME FEEL.

NEVER FUCKING AGAIN.

IT’S DONE JORDAN FUCKING GREY JONES. YOU WILL NEVER HEAR FROM OR SEE ME AGAIN.

Enjoy the rest of your life living with what you’ve done and the mess you’ve made because you will NEVER find anyone that loved you as much as I did. NEVER.

I’m supposed to want to be your friend?? YOUR WIFE?! Who the fuck do you think you are??????????

Get the fuck out. You’re karma’s problem now.

#surviving narcissism #narcissismawareness #narcissist #abuse #trauma #i shouldnt have even responded to this honestly #but like how can i not speak the fuck up #???????? #this is unbelievable #and unhealthy #like what #be fucking for real #also crazy how the only time this nigga ever gave a fuck abt my blog or my innermost thoughts is when he does shit like this

[mohluskiepedard]

Rating ATLA Characters literally only from what I’ve seen in fandom

or: posts that probably shouldn’t be on my writeblr except I don’t have a sideblog

the context here is it’s half midnight and I have never seen ATLA except I have opinions now apparently so here we go whoop de do- 

I’m also not actually rating them like numerically that’s too much work i’m just stating opinions I know I’m a fraud

AANG

- A child?  - A son?  - he is Baby. but also. he has had It Rough  - would make the updog joke - has unspeakable power or smth and everyone says he’s better than the Korra girl who comes after him but honestly tastes like sexism to me - doesn’t kill people because he’s like twelve, right? he’s like twelve so he refuses to kill people - I stan honestly - less twelve year olds should kill people - Some people say his name WRONG and they are BAD but i don’t actually know what the right way or the wrong way is so. have fun w that yall - lived in peace unTIL THE FIRE NATION ATTACKED 

KATARA

- She is also like twelve???  - Is everyone here twelve - Cortana?? Katana?? Catbug??  - She has good hair, - Her mother is dead??? her mother is dead n she has a brother but she cares about her mother being dead WAY more than him (or apparently the entire fandom??) - Badass - She seems soft. good. sweet - she’s a water breather or whatever??? her brother is NOT but he is a meme - I love her 

SOKKA

- NGL looks like a fuckboy  - The meme brother! does not do the water things, but he has an aXe???  - dates BAMF lady - ngl until I talked to my ATLA watching friend I thought he canonically dated Zuko  - kinda mad he doesn’t - I haven’t actually seen anything about him except like. in zuko ship posts and also Suki appreciation posts - joined the white lotus not-a-cult by accident???  - dark ATLA tumblr show me more Sokka posts - is his name prounounced the same way as Soccer or isn’t it I need to know - HIS FIRST GIRLFRIEND TURNED INTO THE MOON - (AND THAT’S ROUGH, BUDDY) - He and Suki are a good ship, but also, Sokka Has Two Hands

SUKI

- the BAMF herself - she says STOP in that photo but also to sexism - Rlly all I see of her in fanon is abt her teaching Sokka to drink his respect women juice and I appreciate her doing that but also it’s sad she never gets talked about outside of what she did for a man - I hope she has other badass moments w/o him it would suck if she didn’t - she is NOT the girlfriend who turned into the moon, she is the one who didn’t - I don’t know much else about her ATLA Fandom y’all should appreciate her more

ZUKO

- Look at him... my son... - He has a good redemption arc - he and his sister are evil lesbian and redeemed gay guy??? - has a straight canon ship but should’ve been with Sokka this boy is gay - I Want To Protect Him - That’s literally it - he has a cool uncle and his dad sucks  - people ship him with Katara and I Do Not Get It that’s his sister in law except not really - “We don’t trust Zuko’s change of heart” [the next day] “so Zuko is my closest friend now,”  - His dad was like “fuck up the avatar to prove your worth to me” and Aang was like “counter argument you already have worth and we should fuck up your dad” and I think that’s beautiful - he becomes the fire man and he’s very good at it - Zuko for President 2020 - in the words of myself, half an hour ago: “ I was like "that kid with the burn on his face seems like a sad but then happy mlm who needs found family" and I was RIGHT” - took too long to find a happy picture of him :( Zuko rights NOW please - His mother’s story got compared to an OC of mine and all I can say is oh no and they deserve better based on that alone - I have had Zuko for five minutes but if anything else happens to him I will kill everyone in this throne room and then myself

TOPH

- She is badass but like also will murder you while laughing maniacally? - for some reason reminds me of Nott from Critical Role, another show I Have Not Seen - Is blind but gets more out of making jokes abt being blind than she would from being able to see - “Sight is just a cheap tactic to make weak benders stronger!!!” - Literally the opposite of Aang and has killed many people?? - She Can Tell When You’re Lying. But I do not know how and Am simply mildly threatened by this - Therapist: Toph’s ability to know if you’re lying isn’t real and can’t hurt you. Toph’s ability to know if I’m lying:  - She and Zuko.... buddies???  - if not they should be - tiny sad boy needs friends like toph

AZULA

- Evil Lesbian Culture - [BDG Voice] You committed a war crime! Oopsie! - took be gay do crime too literally - her and Zuko have accurate sibling writin except instead of “you ever want to murder your sibling for breathing in the same space as you,” being a Joke Azula took it seriously - okay but with a name like azula she should be the blue bender this ANNOYS me she should NOT be red bender - AZULa  - AZUL - IT MEANS BLUE - She was half of y’alls gay awakenings and it SHOWS - Should have maybe been redeemed too??? Jury is out no one knows - Was she gay for Ty Lee or wasn’t she I can’t tell how much of that Audio is a joke - IS SHE ALSO TWELVE??? IS EVERYONE HERE TWELVE?? IS THIS TWELVE YEAR OLD COMITTING ATROCITIES? 

UNCLE IROH

- A Good Man - Finally, Some Good Fucking [Adult Figures]  - he has the tea. literally and figuratively - Ozai is like “and I will permanently disfigure my son and throw him out” and Iroh is like “What The Fuck, Ozai,” thus voicing the entire audience’s thoughts - Literally the only adult in this that I trust - I? I love him. this is all I have to say. my love for him is unending. Some1 protect this man from all harm   - he’s Zuko’s uncle (and also Azula ig) but he does not seem related to Ozai. is it just a theme in this family that one sibling is chill and one sibling commits horrendous atrocities against your fellow human beings or  - something happened to his son???? :((((( I Don’t Want Him To Have Suffered Like This

OZAI

- A BAD MAN - Uh Oh (stinky)  - THE WORST OF THE MEN  - I do not like him - Bastard man. nasty. committed war crimes and then went “but what if - get this - i also abused my son,”  - I would like him to Not Be Like This - by Like This I mean present and alive  - :/ 

TY LEE

- She’s NOT the There Is No War In Ba Sing Se lady and I don’t know why i thought she WAS but until I looked up her photo I thought that was her  - She looks like a sweetheart tho - I hope nothing bad happens to her????  - talks about auras??? or smth??? let her vibe - She would talk animatedly to me about warrior cats if she was in my year seven class and I was sat alone and I would understand none of it but appreciate her anyway - if azula bullies her I’ll be :( at Azula and Azula will not care because she has Mommy Issues and therefore is slightly unhinged - She seems like that one kid with no trauma vibing at the edge of [every other kid having trauma] and not really getting it but trying her best - Is she also twelve?????? She maybe looks twelve

CABBAGE MAN 

- HIS CABBAGES - fulfills my favourite trope: ordinary person repeatedly has life disrupted by the inconveniences of relying on actual children to save the world - probably has a campaign post canon for letting trained adults fix the worlds’ problems in the future - or sets up the Very First Cabbage Insurance Company - look at him. he loves his cabbages so much. you go you funky lil cabbage man

ALSO THE MOST IMPORTANT ONES MOMO

- LOOK AT HIM HE’S SO GOOD - small. fluffy. big ears - Lord Momo of the Momo Dynasty: his Momoness - a Good Boy...

APPA

- he looks so soft... - he can fly but he just does it by??? vibing through the air?? motionless??? iconic - I saw that one post about mishearing it as Abba and thinking he was Aang’s dad and he looks like he would be a good stand in dad ngl - he’s so LORGE - a chonky boy - love him

that is everyone I have heard of it and if I left someone out it’s a sign that y’all should talk about em more bc I have no clue they exist put more ATLA On my Dash ig I’ll do Legend of Korra ig maybe apparently that one has canon wlw and i love me some canon wlw

#ATLA #avatar the last airbender #Avatar #Aang #Zuko #Katara #Sokka #Iroh #Ozai #Azula #Ty Lee #Momo #Appa #Toph #Suki #I hope Suki has an arc outside of Teaches Boy To Be Good Person By Being Badass #if she does yall should talk abt it more #Not Writing #I finished this at 1:30 am can you tell #here u go ali heres the post #abuse ment #war ment

[dulcewrites]

I saw someone saying that Rhaenyra wants to be treated as an equal but doesn’t necessarily care if other women are being treated as equal. And then another person commented well what if Jacerys was born as a girl would she have made her heir or Lucerys heir and they said to prevent conflict she would just have the siblings marry. I wanted to know what you think about it. I think it’s true in how Rhaenyra sees herself as the exception in getting what she wants and having it go her way etc. when Rhaenys warns her that men will always fight against a women on the iron throne Rhaenyra just goes “well I’ll create a new order”. Viserys being chosen over Rhaenys was proof they would always want a male on the throne. Before Jaehaerys died he could’ve just made Rhaenys heir since she is next in line but he didn’t. He had the council decide. Even after all of that I feel like Rhaenyra has that mindset where “well my father named me heir so I will be heir I am the exception” even after Rhaenys told her they had a chance to and they never did. And with the whole “well if her first born was a girl instead of a boy” I’m iffy on that too.

I personally do not think book nor show Rhaenyra cares that much about bringing other women into the fold power wise. We have “proof” (I always take things with a grain of salt from f&b for obvious reasons. But this seems to check out more than the outrageous stuff in the book). Two daughters of different families, Rosby and Stokeworth, come to Rhaenyra asking for her to change their succession because their are eldest and their fathers had passed. Rhaenyra say no lol. Now people defend this choice by saying “she was at war” and didn’t want to lose allies. But really if she changed anything the only people it would’ve negatively affected would’ve been corlys (who advised her not to change it) and egg 3 (next in line and who would continue her bloodline).

And it’s just kind of ironic bc a lot of people who like Alicent (myself included) have no problem pointing out she does uplift patriarchal ideals. But when we point out her lack of power in the situation (despite being queen) we are making excuses for her decisions. But Rhaenyra is allowed to be queen and not do shit bc it would “ruin her claim”??? Right….

Like if Rhaenyra wants to be selfish and think herself as the only queen to live lmao that’s her prerogative. I think it’s faux feminist angle that people try to drive with her that makes me a little crazy

Now as for the show, despite how hard the show writers or team black may push it, show Rhaenyra has done nothing to uplift any woman around her. Her reign would’ve not changed a thing… it literally didn’t bc her son ends up being king after her and she never changes anything about the succession. She sets Baela and rhaena up to be the metaphorical cheerleaders to legitimize her SONS’ claim. There was no equals for Rhaenyra and there was never going to be because that is not her character. She’s selfish and one of the downfalls as a queen as well

As for if jace was a girl, would Rhaenyra have made her heir. I think it’s safe to say that book Rhaenyra would’ve done whatever helped her claim… which would’ve been uplifting whatever boy came first. So luke in this case. I could see her marrying them. As for show Rhaenyra.. idk bc they write her weird lmao

#asks and requests

[whalien51]

This isn’t ok

Honestly,was it always like this?

Am I changing or are the fans changing too?

Are these only post-PTD fans who got used to shallow content that they don’t really have a sense of what’s important and what not? Kids who think they have to be foot soldiers,there on duty to push streams,cheer on BTS no matter what they do,and make edits as fast as they can? Because this,this isn’t enjoying any of it.

Why is a magazine photoshoot (ooh they look hot? boringggg. idgaf) and a selca on the same level with a song,now. A really good song. (maybe it got less attention bc it sounds too much like 2kids by Taemin? but it don’t think it’s that ). Because there are no streaming goals? Because it has no editing and meme potential? No “prod SUGA” label to brag about?

Super Tuna was awesome btw and I’m still thanking Jin for that,cause it got me out of a dark place,but it had that viral TikTok hit potential. Taehyung’s song doesn’t.

You can’t do anything with it except listen to it while you go outside for a drive,or just let it keep you company through whatever you’re going on in your life. I woke up,scrolled through insta,saw TH’s story,and just..felt happy,and that’s such a rare happening these days. What more is there to it?

Well,I should have stopped there. I went to see how the other armys were affected by it...

...unfortunately,my dumb brain works the exact same way,so I get it. I need to complete tasks. I need checklists and schedules and to know what everyone else is doing and to follow the rules,or I feel like I’m sinking. I fucking get the need to “do this properly and seriously”. Which is why I’m obsessing over others tweets instead of enjoying the song myself.

Sometimes just letting go and enjoying things is hard. But that’s what art is for,to get you OUT OF THAT MINDSET. So why are we just completing bingo cards and ticking checklists now,about the kind of things that are supposed to make you feel something?? If everything is on the same level to you,are you even moved by any of it? You don’t have to like every IG post,react to everything,love everything equally. There’s no point to any of it then.  

I guess the reason I made this rant is because I saw a comment or tweet,can’t remember,saying something along the lines of “it was less chaotic during the concerts than now with their instagram posts”...

And that’s so true..It really looks like the priorities have shifted. The concert was supposed to be the most important part of all the content we got this year. But it just feels like it came and went,and the main point of it was how funny BTS were each night and not the actual performances. Seeing how people react to the IG content like it’s too much,when in fact it’s literally nothing but a couple of pictures and videos and a half of a song,just makes everything look so shallow now. How is ON performed for the first time in front of the public,or Dis-ease,for only the second time on a stage,ever,not a cultural reset,but BTS learning to use IG or a Taehyung and Jungkook selca is?

If it’s like really like that,other than memes and the ship wars,on one side,and sense of duty and responsibility on the other,what is going to be left after a while?

I actually like the content we got:their timelines,Taehyung’s song,Yoongi’s verse on the Juice WRLD collab,now even Season’s Greetings. I’m full for two weeks now. I just want to share and talk about each of those things,enjoy them,give them the attention they deserve. But tomorrow there’ll already be something else. Because this is a job now,and no one can stop. See content,react to content,move on fast to new content. I thought I was just slow and didn’t get it,but they are not enjoying it either. JUST FUCKING STOP then. It’s an insult to both BTS and you. Pick one thing and react to it.

There is so much happening,but do you even have something special left for yourself? Anything you will remember fondly? Just be alone with BTS for a little.

(It’s a rant so I’ll probably think the opposite in 2 business days but whatever,I want to get used to posting these kinds of things. If anyone reads this,feel free to disagree.)

Army go listen to Fire or something. It really shows you were born and raised on a diet of PTD &Butter.

Yeah,I’m aware that BTS aren’t doing any better themselves at the “relax and chill” part,except for Jin. You are me,I am you~ applies to BTS and Army too. But they’re working for their own dreams.You’re here not sleeping because you’re waiting for Bam pics.

#this rant applies to me too #bts #bts on instagram #kim namjoon #kim seokjin #min yoongi #jung hoseok #park jimin #kim taehyung #jeon jungkook #bts army #rant #i want actual content #and reactions like this #are making complex content harder to get #because fans are just pleased with everything #and consume anything we're given #give me another daechwita dammit #another fake love #another young forever #idgaf about bts dressed in luxury brands that cost more than 3 years worth of rent #i care about their ig pics #but not to that extent

[posallys]

i saw a post about percy and poseidon and i figured i'd drop this stupid little headcanon i have here (i also take stuff from this analysis, so go read that mayhaps)

Ya know how we’ve established i think that Percy’s fatal flaw should be control and not loyalty? And how I talked about the whole “Percy and Poseidon are quick to anger” thing in my analysis of them? And how it’s literally in their nature to want to be in control of everything around them?

okay, well, for whatever reason, percy is on olympus (maybe a solstice? maybe annabeth is talking about stuff for her rebuild? idk)

and a god somebody says something and it he gets pissed, and since his emotions are so closely linked with his powers, he accidentally triggers an earthquake

except, poseidon could obviously tell that there was going to be an earthquake bc he could feel it, so he just kind of pops in front of percy and grabs his wrists/hands and is like "that's an awfully big earthquake you almost caused, ya know."

And Percy’s kind of shaking because he could feel the way the anger took over and how he couldn’t stop the earthquake himself. He was trying so hard to restrain it, to hold it back, but he couldn’t.

He doesn’t really say anything to Poseidon, because he’s clenching his jaw to the point that it’s painful, but he looks up at Poseidon, and his eyes kind of give it away.

(and it may not have been obvious to anybody else, but it was obvious to poseidon because he can't even begin to count the amount of times that look has been on his own face)

So Poseidon takes a deep breath and closes his eyes and nods a little (meanwhile the rest of the gods are just like 👀 👀 because percy almost fucked a lot of shit up and poseidon is being very calm and also being a dad and trying to help his kid)

So he lets go of percy's wrists and is like "come with me"

And Percy kind of hesitates for a moment, but then Poseidon is like “It wasn’t a question” because he knows it’s probably the only thing that’ll help, so it’s Not A Question.

(and poseidon knows that he should have done it after the titan war. He should have helped Percy sooner, but he didn’t, so he has to do it now, and he’s going to do it, because he's not going to let percy keep walking blindly through the mess that is their powers)

Poseidon does some god shit and flashes them out to like. The middle of fucking nowhere. like just creates a little slab of land in the middle of the ocean. nothing around for hundreds of miles except open water

Percy just looks at him like wtf? "Dad, why are we in the middle of the ocean??"

And Poseidon just kind of chuckles and is like “yeah, actually, we are in the middle of the ocean. This is the point that’s as far from any land that you can get.”

“Uh? Why?”

“Because it gives me enough time to stop any damage before it happens.”

Percy’s like “???? what damage?? Pls explain”

“I should have done this after the titan war, Percy. I should have—well it doesn’t matter what I should have done. You have to learn how to let go, and I’m going to help you.”

And Percy doesn’t like the idea of that. He doesn’t want to let go. He doesn’t trust himself not to hurt someone or cause destruction (after all, his name means to destroy).

He must be making a face because Poseidon looks at him sympathetically.

“I know it’s hard, Percy. Believe me, I know better than anyone.”

Poseidon pauses for a moment and then continues… “How do you survive a riptide?” he asks.

Percy answers immediately. “You have to let it pull you out. Eventually, it’ll let you go out the side or the back. You don’t want to fight it, though, because you’ll probably drown trying.”

Poseidon purses his lips and nods, and Percy’s looking at him confused for a moment, trying to figure out why his dad asked about a riptide (because Poseidon obviously knows how they work).

And then he Gets It. “You mean...I have to stop fighting…”

“You have to let go. You have to let yourself be carried out sometimes. The longer you fight, the more tired you get, and the worse it becomes. The sea doesn’t like to be restrained, Percy.”

“But I—” Percy’s voice cracks

“I know you don’t want to, but I promise you, it helps.”

Percy nods and lets Poseidon tell him what to do.

Poseidon tells him to scream. To really let everything out. “I know, I know, you’ll probably feel stupid doing it, but do it anyway. No restraints, no worries. let it flow out of you.”

And so he does. He screams the way he’s wanted to for what’s felt like forever at this point. And the ocean responds to him. It responds to his frustration and his anger and his pain. And the waves are rough and choppy and the sky is turning a shade of grey, and the ground is trembling, and then the waves are getting higher and higher and they’re building, building, building, and then they’re crashing onto the ground around him.

And it feels good, really. To let go. to not have to restrain himself

And Poseidon is there watching him (and he’d stop anything Percy may cause before it got to a place where it could cause harm (there’s a reason they’re in the middle of the ocean, after all)).

And Percy’s scream dies out, and he sits down and he breaths and he feels like the world has been lifted off of his shoulders again.

But he’s not done yet because Poseidon is coaching him through things, making Percy create earthquakes and hurricanes and tsunamis, helping him find the balance between controlling them and letting them control him.

And then poseidon teaches him how to release his anger. He walks Percy through the steps. Start with your hands; unclench your fists. Relax your arms, your shoulders. Roll them out, hold yourself up straight. Unclench your jaw, stretch your neck out. Don’t hold the anger back, but don’t let it consume you. You have to change it, you have to feel it. Let it move through you like water flowing down a river. Feel it in your arms and your fingers and your legs, but then push it out. Not aggressively—calm. It has to be calm. You have to let it carry you to a certain point, but you can’t struggle. It’s a riptide, Percy. Once you surrender to it, you can escape it. Once you surrender to it, you really have control.

And it works. Percy goes through the steps, slowly relaxing himself, letting it move through him until it’s no longer anger and he no longer feels like he’s being crushed.

“I caused a lot of destruction when I was a younger god, Percy. I didn’t have a good grip over my anger. It took me a long time to figure out that, while I may control the ocean, the ocean also controls me. Do you know why? Because I am the ocean, and so are you. The ocean is inside of you, and you must find the balance between controlling and being controlled.”

“How often do you do this?”

“Every few months. It’s easy to get caught in the cycle of control again. It’s in our nature to want to be in control, so conceding isn’t easy for us. So when I feel myself on edge, when I start angering quicker, I come here and I let go.”

So they make a habit out of it. They come out to the middle of the ocean every other month, or about as often as either of them needs it, and they let go, and Percy slowly gets better at becoming one with the ocean, better at finding the balance.

(and then they go to this diner in Montauk that Poseidon has a weird obsession with….)

And when Estelle is older, the three of them take the trip out to the middle of the ocean together, and they teach Estelle how to find balance. And she’s younger than Percy was, so her anger hasn’t had time to peak.

Unlike Percy, whose anger is silent, sneaky, creeping up out of nowhere (the way he’s smiling one moment and lashing out the next) Estelle’s anger was a storm you could see coming a hundred miles away. Her anger brews on the horizon, building and building, slowly getting bigger until there's nothing left but for it to shatter. Which makes it easier, really. She’s better at letting go than Percy is—she has time to let it dissipate before it reaches her.

#yes estelle is a demigod no i don't make the rules sorry #i feel like this is really hard to read so i apologize #but i have Thoughts #and this is just one of them #taylor's thoughts