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#basically too many things tbh
bellamyblake · 1 year
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Everywhere I look, I still see you
Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence; Hurt/Comfort; Love Confessions; Implied/Referenced Torture; Smut; Angst; Angst with a Happy Ending;
Canon Divergence AU where Bellamy gets shocklashed for siding with Pike in s3. Hurt/comfort and a lot of emotions between Clarke and him take place in the most desperate of times but when should one confess their love other than when you're most certain you're about to lose them?
“Don’t be angry.” he whispered as he reached up to cup her own cheek with his bandaged hand. He felt awfully weak. He was red-faced and burning up, he breathed like a freight train and had to lean back on the wall to support himself because he couldn’t keep his back propped up. “It’s alright. Kane, your mom, the council-they have to do this.”
“No, they don’t!”
“Clarke...I've killed people, I've caused pain.”
“So have I.” she argued loudly but he just kept smiling.
“It’s different.”
“Stop repeating their words! None of them are right! Kane has killed as many people as you and I have! My mom killed my dad!”
“And I killed Lincoln.”
“No, you didn’t!” he smiled again and closed his eyes, coughing a little as he did so. “They don’t have the right to judge or punish you.”
“Maybe...but this is happening and you can’t stop it. Moreover, I don’t want you to.” he states, trying to sound serious but that just makes her cross her arms over her chest and look at him even more angrily than before.
“And why’s that? Because you’ve got it in your head that you have to be punished for every bad thing you did? Because you hate yourself so much, you think you deserve it?”
“Yes.” he said in the calmest voice “And that’s alright.”
“No, it isn’t!”
“Clarke-”
“What about me then? What about the three hundred grounders I killed back at the dropship.”
“That was war.”
“And Mount Weather? Was that war too? Wasn’t there a chance for us to figure out a way to save those people, the same ones you said helped you, kept you alive. I killed them.”
“No. We killed them.” he argued again and coughs louder this time. The bout lasts longer and he has to force his arm to hold him up so he doesn’t slip on the bunk. “How many times do I have to tell you that? And to answer your question...yes, it was war and we didn’t have the time to save those people because they would’ve killed ours. You know this.”
“No, I don’t. It’s what I tell myself every night before bed but it’s not true and you know it, I’m sure you do.” he smiles again and that just pisses her off even more “Bellamy, I left you. You said so yourself. I left you in charge of the kids and you did your best.” he laughed sadly at that.
“Oh, I wish that was true, princess but as it happens I didn’t.” she pulls away and throws her hands in the air, not understanding his behavior or maybe she did deep down but she refused to accept it. “It’s okay.” he added and that made her burst.
“Stop saying that!” she yelled angrily as she turned around again “You should be angry! You should be fighting! You should be helping me convince them that this is wrong!”
“I can’t do something I don’t believe in, Clarke.” he continued just as calmly “And I’m tired of fighting or being angry.” she sighed frustrated and dropped the rag she was holding on the floor.
Link in reblog
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b4kuch1n · 7 months
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about ready
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haunted-xander · 2 months
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tfw ur parental figures are all too busy being evil cult members to parent (or even greet you)
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kyouka-supremacy · 3 months
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Mmmhh...
#(Basically rant on my last two posts)#I know I've said it before and sorry for coming off as annoying–#but I really wish we still had a central bsd blog on Tumblr like fy-bungoustraydogs or bsd-central or things of the kind.#I think now everyone rushes to post news first. And although there's merit to it in knowing news as soon as they happen‚#in the long run the death of this kind of central official content ***fan*** blogs is such a huge loss of fandom spaces‚#especially for the archiving purposes they solved. Especially today that T/witter and G/oogle have basically become unusable.#Literally. Literally. I've been doing official content archiving since I was 11#(because that's the very specific kind of mental illness I have)#and let me tell you that the quality of web search and especially reverse image search only got worse–#in a way that is very evident and noticeable. Which is crazy tbh and not how things should work.#If anyone would like to start a bsd-central kind of blog I'll be the first one to follow.#Actually if anyone actually wants to establish it feel free to contact me and I'll be more than happy to share the resources I have!!!!#It just needs to be something multi-modded for a series of reasons I won't get into right now#I just can't personally do it (not as main admin at least) because that would be modding my FIFTH active bsd blog–#and that's a little too much even for me.#On top of some ethical concerns I have regarding whether it'd be fair for me to mod a fandom central bsd blog–#when I feel like I can't genuinely share the same amount of love for the franchise other fans share#On top of. You know. Getting a degree eventually hopefully.#Then years after the blog has been solidly enstablished and aquired enough credibility it could even open a free donations found to invest–#in buying and scanning and releasing bsd content that hasn't been shared yet like the guidebooks or illustration books or everything else–#for everyone to see...#The dream. (Is realistically never going to happen) (Won't stop me from daydreaming about it every day)#((Still salty I couldn't afford the guidebooks only due to the shipment prices. I *would* have scanned and uploaded them.))#That was a long and idealistic rant. Kyotag out#Edit: *Modding my SIXTH bsd blog#Apparently I mod so many blogs I lost count of them
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jupitersflytrap · 5 months
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i just read the curious incident of the dog in the night-time and hopped on here to see what the general consensus was about it and oh dear i was not expecting to see so many people hating it
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rivilu · 1 year
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Everyone's on about Miguel beefing with a 15 yo, which sure it's funny, but y'all are letting the Spot, "I now declare this child that MY INVENTION inflicted this anomalous occurrence on, my lifelong nemesis", the ULTIMATE beef haver, to go unchecked.
#spireverse spoilers#across the spiderverse spoilers#you know at least miguel has the excuse that 15yo or not Miles's actions might cause TWO whole dimensions to collapse#assuming both pavitr's and miles' own dimension have a similar population to ours#thats SIXTEEN BILLION LIVES at stake babes#yah like no i'd also be going kooky crazy in his shoes#ofc his handling of Miles' situation wasn't good but that's not. precisely his job? Breaking the news shouldve fallen on Peter and Gwen#yanno. his actual friends? but they skirted around the subject too much so woops it falls on Miguel now#the most emotionally unsuited for this task guy possible. woopsies.#get ready for the most projection filled fight of your life kid cause it sure is cheaper quicker and easier than therapy!#I jest and the projection part is true but tbh i think too many people in the tags are interpreting Miguel being antagonistic to the rest-#as him having personal beef with children instead of him focusing (too much) on the bigger picture. like..isnt that his entire personality?#the 'fate of the multiverse' guy? cmon now.#the main issue is that miles Does Have To TRY- that's part of the canon event in the first place#trying and failing. if his plan of keeping him trapped until jeff died had worked then his dimension would most likely also collapse#if anything the way things are set up rn is sooo interesting because miles IS precisely on the way to fulfill a canon event#the question is - are they going to play into that- or is there going to be a twist. Gwen's realization that Her dad could in fact Quit -#comes to mind#i for one would find it really funny if the plot of the next movie is trying to convince jeff to quit his job but i doubt it jxnsn#my guess is that since this is basically the variation of the trolley problem where the singular person on the tracks is one you care about#(but said person is simultaneously also on the 5 person rail because if they don't die everyone does)#and miles has decided to just go and stop the fucking trolley itself fnsjsj#the plot's gonna go a bit more all out . /Beyond/ the previous scope- if you will#the only sticking point i have with this movie in general though is pavitr sticking with the group like.#“obviously he would've stuck with miles- he wouldn't want the guy to die!”so you think he prefers the version of events where everyone does#his friends? his aunt - whatever family he has- his girlfriend? EVERYONE?#yeah like nah until he can solidly know that shits gonna be fine in his home world i don't think it makes sense for him to fuck around more#yanno?#not that I dont want to see more of him- on the contrary I fuckin love his design to bits#just saying if miguel drops the bomb that his universe collapsed and my guy switches sides i would not be surprised
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sotogalmo · 2 months
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11:33
Woke up a few minutes ago. Was a bit confused on why my Google was on Sonic The Fighters wiki. But then like. Remembered about my sonic.exe OC: Tachyglossidae.(exe).
And all.
#time diary(?)#audrey/kellie's time diary#letting the brain talk#Tachyglossidae.(exe)#i just. rlly want to being something new to the table of EXEs. yk? and well since by. design wise Tachyglossidae is very very different from#most EXEs.. and by i said “disguise”s like. 3-4 times? when having like. just simple drawings of her-#but the most different it can be is just by the fact that im using Sonic The Fighters game as a base for her whole deal#and stuff. but i really like on how Lord X Guardians are yk? gaurdians of specific-ish things. Ken'o being Disgust ; Kofuku's Joy#and tbh my favorite one: Yokubo is desire. also Zetsubo just being his name: Despair. is just. so cool#like. Lord X is not alone. there are others with him. and rhey are all like. guardians of action(Kito: prayer) and feelings(Yokubo/Gekido/#Zetsubo/Kofuku/Ken'o/Kyofu). and i just. OUGG. thats just so good. having a Lord and then. guardians? thats so good#and well. it kinda just made me think of how im making Tachyglossidae.(exe). yk? I have too many versions of her#that at this point they could also be like the guardians! — but ofc they are just going to be different levels of anger#thats her main thing and kinda. basically why i made her tbh. i was having anger in my mind just so i can get that out of the way#since. she kinda is just gonna be my own manifestations of my own rage/wrath. — but then i have to like. add in#but i still dont rlly know just WHAT exactly i have to do with her to make her very. appealing to others. without saying#that shes my manifastations of.my own feelings. because tbh. i just almost always very lightly project myself onto characters#and just. yeah. but like. i dunno whats NEW and INTERESTING that i can do with her without making her. just a rage filled#being for a reason. we already have that. in like. so many EXE OCs... and mine is just gonna be another one..but OUGH
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padfootastic · 1 year
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Saudade
You can also read it on Ao3
x
Remus knew he was a coward.
It’s why he always preferred to blend in. He couldn’t afford not to. It’s also why, to his eternal shame and regret, he’d never bothered to even question the circumstances of Sirius’s imprisonment. His betrayal.
Because he knew if he looked even slightly below the surface, it’d shatter.
(He’d shatter)
Because he wasn’t just a coward, was he. He was also helpless.
No.
Powerless.
He was powerless.
It didn’t matter if he knew Sirius was innocent, if not of the murders then definitely the betrayal (because he knew, didn't he, that Sirius Black would never—as long as he had breath in his body, magic in his veins, life in his heart—do anything to hurt James Potter. It was a fundamental truth of life. There were five exceptions to Gamp’s law of elemental transformation, the sun set in the west, and Sirius was unfailingly loyal to James. Isn’t that how it's always been?)
Because even if the truth was not what it seemed, he couldn’t do anything about it.
So he lived his lie. Didn't bother to look past the newspapers blaring the inevitability of a Black turning to the dark side. It validated his own feelings, his mistrust, his circumstances.
It was a profoundly selfish act, but it was all Remus could do.
x-x-x-x
There was…one moment when he tried, just the bare minimum, really, in hindsight but it was enough to, if not soothe, then push down the constant guilt gnawing at him.
“Mr. Lupin.” Dumbledore looked down at him through his half moon glasses. “What can I do for you?”
Remus didn’t know whether to appreciate the even tone or not. In the past month, his entire life had collapsed around him. He’d gone from being part of a whole, one of four, to completely alone. Even putting one step in front of the other was getting too much for him and on some days, he forewent even that small action. Laying in bed, contemplating his entire life and how it went so wrong in less time than it took to blink—that was all he had the energy for these days.
So to hear Professor Dumbledore refer to him like that, almost pleasantly, as if they were still back in school and Remus had just bumped into him in the corridor—it was equal parts relieving and maddening.
He chose to ignore that for now, though. He had enough going on without discovering new things to be bothered about. Not like he had the energy for it, either.
“Headmaster, I—“ Remus gulped nervously. Now that he was here, it felt much more daunting than he could have imagined. What would he even say?
“Yes?”
Remus took a shaky breath and tried again. “Professor, are you—is it completely without doubt that Sirius—“ He couldn’t finish the sentence but he knew the other man understood what he was trying to say.
“Mr. Lupin…Remus,” Dumbledore started gently, and already Remus was regretting this little excursion. “I know the past month can’t have been easy for you. I wouldn’t even presume to understand how bad it must’ve been. None of us thought that Mr. Black could…” He trailed off, eyes staring at a door behind Remus. He didn’t think he’d imagined the sadness that flashed in his eyes, a meagre reflection of his own agony.
It was only a momentary slip, though, as his eyes hardened and steel coated his next words. “But what’s done is done, despite the tragedy of it all. Mr. Black made his choice, and now it is time for you to do the same.” He gave a sad smile, a damning one that spoke of his finality in the matter. “It is always harder to be the one left behind, Mr. Lupin, and your fate is one I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy. I can only hope that you find the strength I know you have in you, and use it to move on from this episode.”
Remus could only sit there, stunned and numb and feeling like his skin was tearing itself apart from the inside, the way it did on full moons except worse.
An episode, Dumbledore said, as if he wasn’t talking about his family, his entire life. As if this was a schoolyard skirmish, an encore of that horrid ‘prank’ in fifth year, one he could forget if he so wished to. As if it was that easy to carve away the parts of himself that were entwined with the rest of his brothers (which made up most of him— mind, body, soul, and magic). As if he would even want to.
Remus didn’t try again after that, not with Dumbledore and definitely not with anyone else. If the man who was their leader seemed so sure, then who was Remus to go against his word?
(He’d never regretted anything more in his life, perhaps with the exception of the belief that caused this in the first place)
x-x-x-x
They didn’t talk about it.
At first, there was the whole thing with Pettigrew and being on the run and everything that came with it. Once that got sorted, though, there was no excuse other than it was easy.
Easy to ignore the ache in his heart when the distance between them reared it’s ugly head.
Easy to turn away when he saw the way Molly and Dumbledore treated Sirius in his own house, because isn’t that what he’d been doing so far?
Easy to stay away, altogether.
Sirius never brought it up either. Perhaps on purpose, too, because the pain in his eyes never lessened. Remus could pick out multiple instances where he opened his mouth to say something before abruptly shutting down.
That was another difference. Pre-azkaban Sirius wouldn’t have hesitated like that, not with Remus.
It only drove the knife further in. But did he have anyone to blame but himself?
It was just after Hogwarts had closed. Harry, who’d finished his fifth year, had gone back to the Dursleys but not for long because in a turn of events no one could have predicted, Sirius’ case had completely upended itself in the aftermath of the DoM debacle. Remus still didn’t like to think about it, how close he—they’d come to losing Sirius (again) and how it was only sheer dumb luck—a rock that made him stumble sideways instead of back—that saved him from falling into the Veil.
Perhaps the only positive of the evening was the Minister seeing Sirius Black fighting unequivocally for the Light and against the Death Eaters. In Remus’ opinion, it would be quite some time before anyone forgot the image of escaped inmate Sirius Black laughing at Bellatrix Lestrange in a strange parody of his actions fifteen years ago. The cold laughter juxtaposed with the deadly spells he’d been aiming at his cousin was enough to stun everyone not in the know and that was how an enquiry had been conducted into the case, leading to where they were today.
Remus, however, had spent every minute he could hiding away, even more than before. He couldn’t bear to show his face at Grimmauld Place—the idea of seeing Sirius actually sent a wave of shivers down his spine.
But, as he’d always known, his time did run out.
x-x-x-x
“So are we talking about this then?” Sirius’ voice is tired, perpetually exhausted as it seems to be these days.
They were sitting at the dining table, cups of tea long gone cold in their hands. It was the first time in months Remus has allowed himself to be in the same room as Sirius (it shouldn’t be like this. it never was before. how did it all go so wrong) and the other man wasn’t stupid. Even if Remus hadn’t initiated the conversation, he knew they’d have it. Of course it was Sirius who poked the sleeping dragon. He had always been the braver of the two. Of course, if it was a competition, then James Potter would’ve come leagues ahead of either of them, his passion and intensity unmatched.
(But James isn’t here right now and that’s really the cause of half their problems, is it not?)
Sirius was…quieter, more focused, but plenty brave enough. If Remus allowed himself to think about it, it’s no surprise he brought it up first. In fact, it’s more surprising that he hadn’t so far.
Still. “Talk about what?” he regrets the words almost as soon as they slip out of his mouth. Sirius only looks at him steadily.
Of course he knows what this is about but it’s easier to cling to what you’ve been hiding behind all this while, is it not? But is it fair, to him? More importantly, is it fair to Sirius? Does he not deserve an honest answer, an honest friend?
It’s that which pushes him to try again.
“I-I didn’t mean that.”
“Sure you did, Remus.”
“Alright,” he amended. “I shouldn’t have meant that.” And that at least is true. It gets a wry smile out of Sirius.
“There’s a lot I shouldn’t have done,” he continued, which neatly drives the mirth away. Remus looked down, at his fingers, the bitten down nails and ink stains, so he didn’t have to stare into the consequences of his actions.
‘I should—apologise.”
“Do you want to?”
His head snapped up, the sting of the comment settling under his skin like an itch. How could he think—? One look at Sirius’ face, however, devoid of any malice or cruelty, and the indignant feeling in him dies out as quickly as it rose.
It was a fair question. He hated the fact but couldn’t deny it.
How would Sirius know about the hundreds of hours he’d spent screaming and crying and begging someone, anyone to turn back time, to make things better, to give him a second chance?
Sirius couldn’t know about the time Remus hadn’t been able to get out of his house for seven months, two weeks, sixteen days straight, surviving only on dry crackers and tepid tea and stale bread and feeling guilty for doing so. He’d spent the entire time staring blankly at the sickly green wall of his bedroom, living in a haunting loop of his memories and wishing he was back in them.
Sirius hadn’t seen any of that.
(Would it have made a difference, if he had, Remus thinks. They weren’t indicative of anything but his own guilt, certainly didn’t stem from any moral conviction in Sirius—and what value did it have for someone who was being tortured day and night? living with the knowledge that he’d been left behind without so much as a second thought?)
It’s not something he’s thought about before—in those fantasies where everything is as it was before. Sirius apologises, Remus apologises, they hug it out and it’ll all be better again—but now, now he can’t help but wonder about the efficacy of platitudes.
He hated Sirius’ matter of fact resignation even more, like there was no other way for Remus to react except defensively. (It wasn’t always like this. The Marauders, James & Sirius, they’d always been his biggest believers. They’d made him capable of touching the sky and the stars and everything in between and Remus has been untethered ever since that fateful halloween. There was a time, when anyone expecting any less of Remus—even himself—than they should would’ve gotten all of Sirius’ hackles raised—‘our Moony’s worth a dozen of you and you should only be so lucky to get to see that’—so it stung particularly bitterly when it was the same man expressing this apathy.
The juxtaposition of the two Sirius’ in his head was enough to give Remus a headache at the best of times, let alone now.
So he takes a deep breath, lets the feeling wash away, and nods.
“You don’t have any reason to believe me, and I don’t blame you for it, but I do. Want to, that is.”
Sirius didn’t reply but Remus continued, undeterred.
“I didn’t for a long time. I didn’t want to, not at all. Because it would be my fault, you know? And I was so tired, Sirius, god. I was exhausted trying to keep up this pretense. I just needed to get the burden off.”
Sirius just looked at him, silent. Remus could see the way his eyes flick around the room, however, and how his fingers trembled ever so slightly. He might’ve been out of Azkaban but the signs would last a long time.
“What made you change your mind, then?” There's a note of curiosity in Sirius’ voice and Remus cannot articulate the relief that fills him at hearing it. Anything, even anger or blame, was better than that bland apathy that made his skin itch.
The question itself makes him pause, however. Because he’s guilty, nay, he’s ashamed of the answer he’s about to give. He contemplated shutting up, or perhaps leaving the room altogether, and it takes longer than it should for him to banish the thought.
“Remus?” Sirius asked again and it’s the knowing look in his eyes that made him close his eyes in defeat. He should’ve known he couldn’t have avoided this. This was a man who knew him better than anyone else who’s alive right now—how could he ever have thought he’d be able to hide things from him?
So he takes a deep, fortifying breath. Releases it slowly, grounding himself in the process.
“When I came to Hogwarts.”
“The time I broke out?
Remus tilts his head in the barest hint of confirmation. Sirius nods like he’d expected that.
Again, Remus wanted to be offended—but how could he?
“How’d you—“
—know?” Sirius finished. Remus nodded, a sharp, jagged thing that’s barely an answer.
Sirius smiled ruefully. It looked wrong on him, like a shirt stretched out and shrunk back down with a charm. “Because I know you, Remus. And though it hurt, I always knew you didn’t believe in me, at least not at the end there.
I’ve had nothing but time all this while. Time to think, to wonder where it all went wrong, what I could’ve done—time even to curse James out,” he lets out a hollow chuckle at that, one that Remus echoes because just the idea of Sirius cursing at James is so absurd, there’s nothing you can do but laugh at it, morbid though it may be in the moment.
“And the only thing I can think of is how bad we messed up. I don’t— you know the worst part about this, Remus?” Sirius asks, in his tired, broken voice. Just hearing it makes him want to flinch and hide away. Instead, he brings himself to give another shaky nod.
“I wouldn’t have cared one bit if you’d thought I was a mass murderer. Hell, even being a Death Eater could be believable under the right circumstances and you were away so long, I wouldn’t have blamed you if you’d entertained the thought.”
Remus waited for the ‘but’ with his heart in his mouth, tasting ash and regret and guilt. He knew what was about to come, had wondered the same thing hundreds of times, going round and round in circles with no relief to be found.
“But how could you ever, even just for a second let alone 12 years, think I could do that to Ja—“ here, his voice broke, unable to even finish the name. Sirius’ trembling hands clenched into fists, hard enough that he could see the knuckles losing color. The words were just as devastating as he could have imagined, if not more. Coming from another’s mouth and not just whirling in his thoughts, it seemed even more damning in the light of day.
And that was just it, wasn’t it. It was this that confirmed what Remus had known from the moment he’d been made aware of Sirius’ innocence.
There would be no forgiveness here. The most he could hope for was closure, perhaps a chance to clear the air, as it were, and that was only if Sirius was feeling merciful. Which, when it came to James, he seldom did. Remus would know; he’d seen the aftermath of what happened to those who dared touch James Potter.
And Remus? Ne hadn’t just hurt Sirius—that was almost inconsequential in the larger scheme of things—no, Remus’ biggest mistake was besmirching the legacy, the honor of James Potter.
Sirius had destroyed people for far less.
It was this realisation that weighed heavy on him, head bowing until his chin touched his chest, unable to hold it up anymore, not knowing what to say and unsure whether he should.
“I can forgive you almost anything, Remus, you know that. I wouldn’t have cared one whit about anything else but that you could think that—that anyone who knew us could—it was that, more than the dementors, more than the crazed prisoners, more than the taunts and insults and torture, that’s what almost broke me in Azkaban.”
A sob broke out from Remus’ chest, ugly and desperate and entirely unfair on his part. Sirius didn’t need his guilt, nor his despair. Remus didn't deserve to be unhappy in front of him. He had made his own bed and now he was to lie in it. He couldn’t even be happy about the hint of steel he could hear underlying Sirius’ words, a faint echo of his past self. Because the implications it held for him were devastating. Remus knew he wouldn’t lose Sirius completely—they had too much history for that, but he’d lose everything that made Sirius him. He’d been spoiled, allowed into the small, small circle of people Sirius truly let in, and he knew there would be no going back. There would be perfect civility, and amicable conversations, but he’d never have his Sirius back. He’d get the Sirius Black the rest of the world saw, the one with the impeccable masks, who was always in control—but not Padfoot, never Padfoot anymore.
And that was to be his penance.
“I am—I truly am sorry, Sirius. You’d never know how much. I just—I couldn’t—I don’t think I’ve taken one full breath since that night, everything was too fast and I couldn’t think and I didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t used to being alone anymore,” he said, leaning forward desperately, wanting to explain (not justify, never justify), not wanting Sirius to leave thinking this was—this was what Remus wanted. because he didn't, never could’ve imagined things ending up like this.
It was almost humbling, this ignoble end of the Marauders. They’d considered themselves untouchable, rulers of the world, sitting atop a throne only they could see. So many promises, a seemingly unbreakable bond, the best of the best.
And look at them now.
All of them in varying stages of decay, dead and dying.
“And I know, dammit I know that doesn’t count for shite. But please, I just—you have to know—“ his hands pressed together, pleading, as the words came out in a defeated plea, “I never meant for it to be like this.”
“The worst part of that,” Sirius smiled, small and broken and not even worth a shadow of his usual brilliance. “is that I know you mean that, Remus. I believe it too.”
A second passed, then two, before he delivered the final blow.
“I just wish you’d fought for us the way we had for you.”
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catboyfurina · 6 months
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myah
my paimon age headcanon* is that she is like dave from kipo. she's technically a super old immortal** but also she Is a kid***. i was originally framing it as a phoenix sort of situation but dave from kipo has the same vibes plus like. being a person and not an animal and also being the same person (which, if i likened paimon to a vidyahara a la hsr, would not really be the case) *i flip flop between a few headcanons, namely the seelie one and this sort of phoenixy one. i really like paimon i have so many thoughts about her shes so interesting and sweet and ridiculous **i think the reason her memories are so inconsistent could be erosion at play. sometimes she can remember things and sometimes she is actually a really helpful guide but mostly she doesn't know what is going on and what she can remember seems so random. i also think theres some paimon lore in the wrio story quest so im actually gonna play that one just. not until the finals are done beating me up. so maybe this is all disproven there and i can stop flipflopping ***her interactions with other child characters (klee, diona, qiqi are the big three for this point) are definitely mentorly but in a fellow child sort of manner. she treats them like younger siblings typically. adult characters (albedo is the one i remember the best) often think of her as a child and she hasn't really objected to that, that i've noticed? she gets cranky about being called a pet, or food, or a toy (but still plays along sometimes because being in disguise etc etc, but she is noticeably unenthused about those labels) but i haven't really noticed her get upset about being called a kid. however, she is noticeably more helpful and more advanced than the littler child models. she seems to be similar to nahida (and they get along really well)(i really liked the paimon nahida interactions it always feels like paimon is trying to fit in with adults or babysitting kids but with nahida it felt like they matched better. despite nahida being well,,, a lot smarter). i think nahida is also a technically immortal but also kid sort of situation, but not in the same way as paimon is. nahida reminded me a lot of the aranara, with her reincarnation looking the same yet being someone else, with all the stuff about dreams, etc.. also the aranara are childlike and only knowable to children (and certain people with special circumstances) so . yeah. i think nahida is permanently in that kid but not state and paimon is currently in that kid but not state but i do kind of think paimon hasn't always been a kid, maybe possibly. i do definitely think shes existed for way longer than twenty years. but also shes kiddo.
anyway i love paimon. shes my son. id feel kinda bad for paimon haters cus she is in Every Single Thing except that like if u hate paimon why are u playing the paimon game? just to gamble???
#beeep#i also think klee is yet another genre of immortal baby. but still different. i think shes like 50 or something in a baby yoda sort of way#well maybe not precisely 50 and shes farther along than the baby yoda i think????? idk much about starwars. but like that sort of thing.#she ages but she does it reallyyyy slowly. and then qiqi doesnt age bc shes a zombie so shes yet ANOTHER type of immortal baby#but like. a human baby that became immortal. and well by baby i probably mean likeeee idk 8? 10? not Infant yknow#oh but also. also too. i think my klee headcanon paired with my diona headcanon can be a lil silly funny. or maybe sad#okay actually yea its a lil sad#i think diona ages at the normal human rate and maybe met klee earlier but now shes developmentally a bit older than klee...... and shell#probably be an adult and klee is still a kid.....#one cool thing about genshin is how the kids are actually like. interesting. admittedly i get more invested in kids storylines than other#ppl i know even if theyre mostly there just to Be A Kid Tee Em but i like that in genshin the kids matter more than like. an accessory?#idk if that description makes sense but sometimes in media kids will exist mostly to make u be like omg single father my heartttttt uwahhh#anyway my tags got way off topic from the main post. basically. i miss kipo and like paimon#oh also? paimon nobiney. i had 'proof' once but i dont think i have enough tags left on here to type it out and tbh most cis people would#not consider my proof as proof. as well as many aimon haters of the trans sort#but its proof to ME.
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taviokapudding · 1 year
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Hey 2010-2013 tumblr residents who have never left, I don’t have the poll function on this blog but as one of you, I would like us to gather ‘round and discuss something. I know the Onceler gets the title for the first documented tumblr sexy man, but given the chokehold Cecil Gershwin Palmer has had on here as a whole these last 11 years & his debut coinciding alongside the Onceler fandom domination, would it be more accurate to call him the standard?
I know I sound like I’m speaking blasphemy but hear me out. Many of the base line traits past winners of the tumblr sexy men generally have are actually closer to Cecil’s canon outfits, hair style, power scaling, sass, & personality as a whole (especially in fan works). And, tbh, past polls staff made went by most used tags at the time rather than long term lasting impact (which is one of the many reasons why Sans has been a power house for several years now despite the very obvious lull in Undertale fandom activity). If Onceler was truly the standard, Sans would have never qualified on the grounds of a lot of people want to fuck him as a skeleton rather than as a human & Reigen doesn’t have nearly as many aus to qualify in comparison to the majority of his past competitors. Furthermore a sexyman is supposed to be evil OR have a unique trait, which the Onceler doesn’t even meet because his power of being big oil is temporary & he guilt’s himself out of evil. And no- playing guitar isn’t unique when you think about all past winners; Sans and Reigen could sing and play the guitar but the Onceler can’t throw hands without needing money to hire people to do it for him. If you make Cecil the standard, there is no contradiction nor issue with the rules.
Anyways everyone chew it over, doubly those of us who could qualify for a veteran’s discount, because the new polling system made me realize staff kinda ignored Cecil & many other men properly for a while now on the grounds of trending popularity within the prior year instead of the actual requirements a character has to meet under the “Onceler” standards. And shout out to all the Onceler fans- sorry if I made you mad with this but we’ve needed to all collectively reconsider what the winners are actually referencing for a while now.
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murdermeadow · 7 months
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figuring out a way to bring Malos back is so great until you realize that now he has to live on without Jin (now I am sad)
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eldritchmochi · 9 months
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my laptop seems to be dying oh no but thankfully by "dying" i mean the wifi card is starting to shit out and it does not have an ethernet port. otherwise it is mostly fine
thankfully replacing it is not gonna be expensive because i literally only use three programs: discord, browser, and scrivner. like i have steam installed on this laptop but i think the last time i played a game thru it was in 2019. i just need a glorified typewriter and those are 300-500 bucks which is SO CHEAP
sooooon. and then my current laptop gets to be retrofitted into a pirate ship
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agayconcept · 1 year
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my youtube algorithm has gotten all sorts of fucked up so:
☆ give me ur youtube channel / show / series recommendations !! ☆
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asgardian-pat · 7 months
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I'm not connecting with this season at all tbh
Maybe it's bc its politically a mess, or the characters are being a bit sidelined for a convoluted plot
Sylvie still is my favorite and her stance in the whole mess of Is The TVA Good And Right is the closest I agree with. But idk we will see how the season progresses but eh
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septimus-heap · 2 years
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Back on my bullshit abt marcia and protagonist syndrome. Marcia has protagonist plot armour combined with the curse of being the protagonists mentor so she's constantly just barely surviving situations
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waywardsalt · 9 months
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man i understand jack shit about whatever subtext or depth or whatever there was to wind waker
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