#basically i just mean the vibe of ag shows feels like everything i define my life by really

[wavernot4love]

alright y'all lil (alright, maybe not so little) recap of the second show of AG's Boom Done tour last night 3.4 in Buffalo @ one of my favorite venues, Mohawk Place. because my brain commits absolutely everything to memory at shows & i like writing it all down before i forget

(for fun & plus maybe folks going to this tour want to know what's shakin, since i haven't seen much online yet):

(note there will be setlist spoilers)

- alright so first, a freakin HIGHLIGHT for me was, of course, GET OUT!!!

Anthony was just kinda messing around with his guitar & then teased it by being like "hmm... how should i play this..." and then went into that and the crowd reception was AWESOME, dude. whatever the opposite of masking is, that's what i was doing there. i definitely started physically jumping up & down once i realized what it was (typical wavernot4love @ the AG show behavior). aka evidently he knew your boy (who like i've mentioned on here, got into Circa last summer through a kind person at a Dunes show rec'ing me Get Out & then BSN. Get Out was straight up my introduction 2 Circa) was in the building (/Ih).

also, i had to shorten my clip to post because in the rest i must've had my phone right next to my mouth,,, which made for some horrifying tone deaf live vox from wavernot4love. be glad i spared y'all from that one.

(i'm gonna put one of those keep reading thingies here, click it 2 see the rest)

- he also played Dyed In The Wool & Frozen Creek, continuing that theme (though I expected these more since he's played em recently). Dyed In The Wool with everyone singing along during the chorus was probably my top moment, and one that's gonna stick with me forever, honestly. i remember thinking it straight up felt like, a churchlike (but positive) experience or something during the songs everyone did that for (remember, it's just anthony this tour no backing band, so it was somewhat quiet in there). more on that later, but AG kept pointing out how nice the singing along was & how fun/awesome this all was, and man, that it was.

- he mentioned valuing spontaneity over a planned setlist every night and basically implied he was just goin for whatever felt right at the time. so just consider the songs i mention here as a basic guideline, he could very well switch stuff up every night. i love that he's like this when it comes to shows - idk dude, like, at one point he even asked folks what time it was, laughing when they told him, jokingly accusing them of being untrustworthy & then going right back into the tunes. dude was just here to play, for as long as he could.

- kinda tied to that, there was a running gag of the set being "inconsistent" (his word). he'd bring up jokingly that there'd be moments where everyone could be singing along, and then songs that nobody knows (and he'd jokingly "apologize" for that), and he'd even (lightheartedly) call specific people out and be like (to laughs) "look at this person, they have no *idea* what i'm gonna play next!" actually i think he said that before Get Out. at one point he was (paraphrased slightly) like, "so if i start playing 12 Circa songs in a row, let me know." i love how he just does whatever the hell feels right in the moment.

- also a couple times he messed up while starting a song (i think due to laughing) and bro would call out folks laughing at him for it (lightheartedly) and be like "this is all performance. vou don't know what goes into this!" (this was not at all serious and said through laughter. straight up half the show was all of us in that room just cracking up together)

- he introduced his Title Fight cover (Numb, But I Still Feel It) by calling TF one of his favorite bands & joking that they're gonna hear this & think it's time to get back together so... if you hear that Title Fight reunited, you know why, which, well, if you know that side of the scene, you know what's up. real shits and giggles moment, if i do say so myself.

- at one point (only bad thing) someone at the front was being objectively Weird in the way people (unfortunately) do to try to get an artist's attention (let's just say it involved throwing money (????? literally what) while yelling stuff about understanding because they're in the industry (??)) and he honestly handled it with so much grace. he pretty much said that made him uncomfortable etc and he would Not be taking more of their money please, he already did that, and that led to him ranting for a second i think mostly to himself in a thinking out loud/under his breath kinda way about *hating* having to sell stuff in the first place in order to do this and like,,, i go into this a bit in the tags but it genuinely reminded me of how i get when i'm passionate about something. what i'm trying to say, is dude clearly was heated & meant it. fully. just felt relevant to include

- then he ranted about something related to the moneythrowing, drunk (question mark) weirdo (long story, but it ended in him telling them to tip bartenders with their money instead of weird things), then used that to go on a tangent about how we should always tip people working in service in general and respect/be kind to them even if they seem rude or whatever because doing that shit is hard & sucks and maybe your kindess will be the wakeup call that causes them to one day have a moment where they're like, man, i was a dick back then for no reason. (i feel like i am nearly direct quoting him here)

- then after a song he joked about the incident saving we were probably just all watching like 🧍‍♂️ and it was like watching dad yell at mom at the dinner table while you just sit there staring at the ground and safe to say the mood was fully lightened after that moment of self awareness fhfhfh

- then a few songs later i guess the person that was being weird had left so he was like, (at this point there were no weird vibes whatsoever, like we were all just scoffing/laughing at the situation and cheering him on) "oh that person who hates me left. did they give the bartender that money?" (someone implied they thought so) and he was like "good." and that was the end with that weirdo situation lol. i have absolutely no idea why that person, drunk or not, thought that was a normal cool thing to do. as always, please don't be weird 2 musicians they are in every sense just Some Guys (gender neutral), treat them like anyone else.

- back 2 totally unserious things, during... uh don't mind me, like i've said in my previous posts i'm still getting 2 know Boom Done, so whatever song has like, the horns kinda near the end? he just started making freakin. horn noises since since there were, in fact, no horns in the building and made us all do them too and everyone was just straight up cackling because it was so stupid (/pos).

- idk one thing that stood out to me was one person belting along at the end of... i can't remember what song it was actually, i think one of his older tunes, but you could tell he heard & a song later complimented it & said it was beautiful. i'm telling ya, he kept going on about how nice folks singing along sounded and encouraging that, which was awesome because i wasn't sure what the vibe was gonna be there since it was just him playing.

- don't want to go into detail since it feels like something between Anthony & whoever he decides to tell it to in real time, ya know, but he did tell a pretty extensive story leading up to Miracle Sun. in terms of themes, it was in regards to (with plenty of laughs mixed into the serious bits, of course) letting folks that matter to him down + falling into a cycle of engaging in stuff that temporarily made him feel better but was moreso just self destructive, in the past. just interesting stuff to hear in connection to a song.

- at the end, before Dear Child, he just talked in the most honest manner about knowing he's let people down, cancelled shows (there were laughs mixed in here too), just not been the best version of himself over the years etc, but appreciating how long everyone has stuck around, and how we keep coming back, & jow much it means whenever we tell someone go check out a song or anything like that, & helping him continue to do this and also support his family and whatnot and man it just. embodied everything i love about AG solo sets i guess. i just admire how open a book &p vulnerable dude is. while i love his more theatric frontman persona of course as it's fun as hell, it's so nice at solo shows like this to hear more from him, in seriousness and otherwise. also dude was posting about how fun it was on instagram later so i'm just glad we all had a great time.

- also at one point before a new tune he was talking about these cds he had that have that on it + some rerecordings, Frozen Creek (feat. Keith of GOW), etc. i love cds so i ran to snag one later of course (they're $12)

- as for other merch he had a few shirts (like that cute one i keep seeing around, with him & the puppy), some art prints, & the Boom Done book thingy (i really wanted it but couldn't swing the $25 right now sadly)

anyways,, i posted on Setlist FM for the first time, here are all the songs i remember for sure (there were definitely at least 4/5 others i am not thinking of, i'd say he did 17ish songs, he played for close to an hour and a half. keep in mind he talked a LOT with us which was awesome)

edit: someone added a few more!!!

anyways, that's the show!!! 1. i may or may not be trying 2 figure out how to pull off one of the other northeast dates (looking @ Cleveland, which is closer but i'd have to drive to, or New York, which is further (+ yknow.. dealing w getting around in NY) but i could take a bus to, this weekend/next week as we speak,,,, that's how freakin good and homey (more on that in the tags aka uhh literal diary section of this post) and impactful this show was.

and 2. if any of this (especially said tags) sounds loopy it sure is because i wrote most of this at roughly four am last night post show, when i was even moreso still back *at* the show in my head. i still stand by all of it though of course, i just know it might not be the most coherent.

this tour rocks. AG's tunes mean so much to me. get out 2 a show!!! tell me about your experiences if ya do/did!!!! yay!!!!

#it is safe to say i have genuinely endless respect & admiration for this person who happens to be my favorite artist in the world #i could not be happier or moreso in my neutral state of how i feel like things should be than i am at the ag show #also the more i hear him talk the more i realize homie reminds me of... me. #not in a “me modeling my behaviors after him because i look up to him” kinda way #though i certainly have picked up on small things there like i tend to with folks #like phrases and the like #but no #moreso just in a “the two of us happen to share some innate similarities in regards to a buncha stuff” kinda way #just an observation. in hindsight i wonder if i subconsciously picked up on this back when i was first getting into his music #n that contributed to it resonating with me so much #i don't know man i just know i'm glad 2 have this dude's music in my life and to see homie thriving #truly hope we can meet @ a show sometime soon so i can dive into how much of a positive impact he's had on my life. i have so much to say!! #i tried to make that happen at this show i really did #i just guess it wasn't meant 2 happen then. and that is okay!! i know it will whenever it's meant to. #going back to what i said about everything just feeling.... right at the show i keep thinking about how while i miss that already #and am kinda having a crisis where in my head i feel like i'm still there (or should be) as opposed 2 here back in regular just. life #i'm just glad and lucky moments like this show are a real thing that can be my life at all. #basically i just mean the vibe of ag shows feels like everything i define my life by really #realized as something/place i can actually physically experience. #shows r my safe space that embody everything i dream about when i'm just going about day to day life #live music is everything 2 me & that's only amplified exponentially by folks like anthony that get it & turn shows even moreso into a home #thanks for reading if you have #i'm truly glad to have this space where i feel like i can talk about Everything #i love that on here the “oversharing” thing is just a thing everyone does #actually that ties back to what i brought up about anthony #i respect how unapologetically open that dude is in ways that might be “too much” for some people & really connect 2 that #point is i am so grateful for days like this and music like this and people like this #anthony green #circa survive #wavernot4love talks ag tunes

[kosmicdream]

So one of the things im more confused about FFAK, how does eating work for worms? as in, when is it like a huge romantic gesture,and when is it just regular eating, is it always a huge thing when a worm eats something? does that mean worms love all the animals they eat when young, and how do memory ghosts work, or is that exclusive to celadon and weeds?

hmm, well i suppose in general for worms, eating another worm is treated really different than eating something you are going to use, either for energy or changing your body with. if a worm is eating another worm, depending on the context of that situation, it can be a huge romantic gesture because its like taking in everything that the other worm has built themselves up to be to become part of you. its not always. but generally i think it is a way of flirting. even for sex, worms probably bite eachother and are a bit rough even if it doesn’t always result in a death or cannibalism of the other.

for young worms, i dont think they’ve quite developed themselves enough to not feel like they can move onto the mating and courtship step if they are just starting out. so they probably are looking at prey (non worms) as a collection of traits that they might want for themselves, so that they can become more appealing/stronger.. so they can THEN find a mate. you know? otherwise its not like they have anything to show for it yet.

but like if a worm is already basically all done/more complexly developed, they might not really “change” or become stronger by eating things anymore, even prey, and eating another worm - in general- does not really boost their strength too much either bc that’s like. a peer that has already digested something, and picked what it liked about what it ate, tossed out what they didn't. so you might not even get the full scope of data vrs eating the prey itself, if that makes sense. but also in general, worms might have only small boosts of information at that point as they age. otherwise it would be too redundant, or mess with their personalities too much.

i will say that when it comes to these things, narratively .. it is not really something super specifically defined because… *shrug* i suppose when it comes to some aspects of worm behavior, i kind of just go by a more instinctual creative method of what makes sense for situations. the worm vibes. as an author, i almost like keeping some elements about worms a mystery from even me. my characters & the world itself might understand it better than i do, so i don't mind writing it as if its something that is already understood, but it might be something left to the imagination or interpretation of the readers as to what the rules might be, just for that element of not having a full picture of every detail. it is just more fun to me that way.

& finally. im not exactly sure what you mean by memory ghosts? so you might need to be more specific.. when worms eat something that is still alive or very recently dead, they can gain a higher accuracy of information/memories from what they absorb, if you’re talking about aeschylus and randall. but also that happened before aeschylus became a weed, and the celadon thing.. i actually am not sure what you mean haha, since i def consider celadon very different than worms and weeds, even if it results in something similar on the surface. anyway, hope that helps with understanding a little, but also don't worry about being confused when it comes to ffak - thats kind of just part of the experience of reading it.

#ffak faq #ffak #feast for a king #i still answer asks! surprise

[catboylupin]

you have rly interesting takes abt wolfstar!! I was wondering if you had any head canons about the Prank like why Sirius did it and what Remus' reaction was?

hello and thank you and i’m So sorry that this has been sitting in my drafts for like Weeks at this point.... i’m physically incapable of doing anything intellectually demanding in a timely matter and this is such a hard topic because, like, i don’t know!! i’m not very well acquainted with the Fandom Mythology surrounding the Prank or the mainstream interpretation of events so i really don’t know what to make of it, especially in terms of sirius’s motivation. here are a few things that i referenced when typing this all out: meta meta/fic fic beautiful art 

the first thing that is interesting to me, and something to keep in the back of our minds when thinking about this, is that when discussing the prank in the shack during PoA, sirius says that “it served [snape] right.” 

also i think that the song hospital by the modern lovers possesses some outstanding post Prank vibes...

ok so re: sirius’s motivation. i don’t know. i think it was a combination of things. i don’t even think that sirius entirely knew why he did it, or what there was to gain. 

i guess the thing to sort out is to what extent sirius factored remus into the equation. was he not thinking about remus at all and how it would affect him and just wanted to hurt snape because he hated him, or was he like “this is for remus and remus will think it’s funny too”?

i think that he felt slightly goaded by snape because snape was being a massive asshole trying to get them expelled, and he also just did not like him at all. like, the most obvious motivation or end goal in sirius telling him is that he just wanted to scare snape so he would leave them alone and also it would be a little funny because hahaha he is a slimey wizard nazi (at age 15/16 do you think sirius would be politically advanced enough to have a ‘punching nazis’ outlook on snape? i don’t know)

and i don’t think that he ever seriously thought that remus would react well (like, how could he? sirius had to have known that remus’s worst fear ever was hurting someone). and he was literally risking the entire school finding out he was a werewolf. but maybe a small part of sirius was like “take that snape!! that’s what you get for bullying my beautiful mysterious friend!! remus will love this lol”

but i think the thing that makes the most sense is that he wasn’t thinking about remus that much and didn’t think he would react well.

and here i where you can start thinking about sirius’s upbringing and how that affected how he viewed werewolves/remus. 

i think that sirius was probably raised surrounded by some pretty intense anti-werewolf beliefs and he dealt with remus being a werewolf by 1. separating remus from the wolf and 2. kind of like romanticizing it. so much of sirius’s attraction to remus stemmed from this sort of fascination.. james was so similar to sirius and generally uncomplicated, but remus, even though he was kind of weird looking, always sort of elicited this morbid curiosity from him. and he saw remus’s lycanthropy as something he could fix, or at least help (see: the animagus thing, my personal headcanon that he was very into taking care of remus during their relationship). remus was his tragic werewolf friend. but remus never thought that sirius understood his lycanthropy the way remus wanted him to, that there was always this sort of tension, a lingering sense of “you think you’re so different from your family, but you’re not really.”  

sirius could have thought that snape actually knew about remus and wanted to make him prove that he knew, like: “sirius, i know what remus’s secret is, hint hint wink wink” “okay, if you really know then go to the shrieking shack,” like snape kind of goaded sirius into telling him, and sirius thought that he would know better. but that is just such a profoundly stupid thing for sirius to do, and i feel like putting too much blame on snape is being too generous to sirius.

leescoresbies has an interesting headcanon that the prank happened around the time sirius ran away from home and he was thus was very emotionally volatile. and so it was in part a result of sirius’s trauma/anger/joy, and i like that idea, those emotions had to have been a factor. and if you are someone that has a really hard time reconciling with sirius’s shitty behavior as a teen, that’s kind of an easy/ canon compliant way of saying “yeah, he was an asshole, but there was also this other thing going on...etc.” however, i don’t think that was the only reason, or even the main reason. i think that sirius is a deeply flawed person and thinking about the prank from the perspective of said flawed-ness makes his and remus’s relationship all the more complicated/interesting. 

and unfortunately a lot of this sort of boils down to whether or not sirius wanted to kill or seriously injure snape. those were the stakes he was dealing with in this situation. i don’t think that sirius wanted to kill him, just because that’s not really the sort of thing teenagers do, you know. and, as further evidenced by how he treated kreacher, sirius doesn’t always treat those he considers lesser than him with any sort of respect. maybe sirius just didn’t care that much about whether or not he died. he knew on an intellectual level that he was sending snape to his likely death, but maybe he just didn’t make that calculation in the moment? like sirius was so used to not facing consequences that maybe he thought things wouldn’t turn out that badly. 

i can understand, maybe, in sirius’s version of events, in his own reckless, teenage narrative, that he thought it would be okay to hurt snape. but remus? did he seriously fail to make the calculation that he would be turning him into a murderer? what sirius did was such a major, major trespass of trust/friendship in a way that is actually sort of unforgivable.

doesn’t sirius say in PoA “i’d rather die than betray my friends!” ? well, he did : / he betrayed remus..

and i think that remus would be massively upset and i don’t think he ever really completely forgave him.

when did this happen? 5th or 6th year? i think that by this time remus would kind of be relegated to a state of melodramatic, shame-ridden misery that came along with being sort of in love with sirius. and so the prank really tore him apart, because of course it would. remus was so used to being defined by his lycanthropy, used to facing discrimination, and his friends were his one refuge from that. but then sirius who he loved used him basically as a means to an end. what sirius did was incredibly exploitative— he exploited remus’s marginalized identity for personal gain without thinking about how it would affect him. and i think that remus really did care about him enough to want to forgive him. he probably felt like he had to forgive him (his friends were too important for him to lose, and, importantly, there was probably this feeling of “i am a werewolf and therefore i need to be extraordinarily forgiving in order to be perceived as non threatening, and this is just how the world treats people like me and i can’t and shouldn’t fight back”). and those are just such deeply fucked up feelings to feel towards a friend, especially one you admire and have a major soul crushing crush on.

i think that there was a period of time after the fact when they weren’t really talking, remus was very rightfully upset, everyone was angry at sirius... i think that sirius apologized, but sort of begrudgingly. because twenty years later he still thought that snape got what he deserved. 

at times i think that remus was someone who saw his relationships as very transactional. and initially he felt in debt to the other marauders because of the animagus thing and just because they were his friends. and, as dear @direwolf-summer said in this post, the prank changed the dynamic between remus and sirius: remus was no longer the one in debt, sirius was. and that is such an interesting point. remus starts demanding more from him and he finally feels that, even though sirius was really popular and closer to james or whatever, they were on even standing. this is how he was able to be more forward about his feelings— sirius stopped being this precious object who demanded endless patience in order to retain as a friend (or so he thought, this is remus’s insecurity showing). he stopped feeling so bad about having a crush on sirius. he’d be like “fuck you sirius. i’m in love with you. deal with it and you have to be nice about it in order to repay your debts.” like  he wouldn’t say that out loud but it would be in his internal monologue and he would kinda hint at it. 

there’s that line in eclipse and transit where remus says: “You say one thing and do another and half the time you don’t even try to say it, it’s like, I don’t know, like you’re daring me to leave. And everything—every single thing Sirius, it all comes back to January of sixth year, whether you’ll ever admit it or not. Or whether you even realize it” and i think it’s fitting. during fights remus probably would bring it up, and sirius would fail to understand why remus never got over it. like, sirius: “i apologized i was 15!!” and remus: “this is bigger than just that, what you did was emblematic of your flaws as a person and how even though you understand me more than almost anyone else you still don’t understand me completely and it frustrates me!!! and also i feel like you never fully understood that what you did was extraordinary fucked up.”

and i think that remus was so in love with sirius that he did forgive him, or otherwise allowed his love and affection to forget about it. but it was always bubbling under the surface...and that’s why their relationship was sort of volatile, that’s why he was so willing to believe that sirius was the spy (as in, “he betrayed me, why wouldn’t he have betrayed james and lily?”)

now i’m remembering when, in one of the snape’s memory /pensieve / flashback scenes in OotP, sirius says “i wish it was the full moon” and remus says, darkly, “you might.” now, we don’t know if that scene takes place before or after the Prank (before probably? idk), but i feel like it further compounds the extent to which sirius seems woefully unaware that remus is a werewolf and it’s not something he can separate from himself and that lycanthropy impacts every facet of his life. sirius came to understand it as just some fun thing to do every month. his sort of ignorance towards other people’s needs and experiences is also further evidenced by how he treated harry like he was james. sirius has a pretty good track record of taking other people’s pain and making into something for him to enjoy. and he doesn’t do so in a way that is entirely selfish either, i think he really thought he was helping harry and remus. maybe it all goes back to his family and childhood trauma or something (doesn’t everything? “it all started one afternoon in the 1960s..”)

#i have vague thoughts about other things but that's the extent to which i am capable of articulating my feelings #this is all gibberish isn't it? idk. no tldr im forcing you to read all my illegible brain soup #wolfstar #wolfstar meta #the prank #ask #meta #this is the thing i got done today i guess i'm a genius!!! if i finish my overdue econ ia i will be god!!!!!!! #op

[whatisleftnow]

Ok so I gotta pop back in again because it makes me said that my last two post were so negative. So I want to talk about some of the top reasons I absolutely loved the Loki series.

#1 Tom Hiddleston. Just gotta be upfront about the fact that Tom is the main reason I was so excited about this show. He is obviously a very attractive human. But he is also so passionate about everything he does, especially performing as Loki. That passion is infectious and his joy make me uncontrollably happy.

#2 Aesthetics! The show is beautiful. The colors, the landscapes, the mid century modern vibes. The costuming! Every single frame is beautifully shot. I could talk your ear off about how stunning the end of time scenes were. I want to explore every inch of that magical marble mansion. Like who knocked the statue, why is it dusty, I want to know more!?!? The branching time lines were so pretty, I need a better word than pretty but it is all I can think of.

#3 The exploration of trust. The show is a finely craft essay on what trust means and who deserves it. Not only the trust between Loki and Sylvie or Loki and Mobius. But also between Mobius and Rovanna. Like does the length of a friendship mean it is stronger, or is it better defined by the lengths you would go for that person. Putting your job on the line vs putting your life on the line.

Or even the difference between how Rovanna, Mobius, and B-15 place their trust in the TVA. The conversation between Rovanna and B-15 reminded me of the therapy session between Sam and Bucky in The Falcon and the Winter Soldier. Bucky says something thing along the lines of "If Steve was wrong about you, then what's to say he wasn't wrong about me?" Bucky was so broken that he defined his goodness by the word of Steve alone, so if Steve was wrong then maybe Bucky wasn't good. Similarly we see the way Ravonna is clinging to the idea that the TVA has to be good, because she has seen and done so many unspeakable things. And if it wasn't for the "greater good", then she would have to admit to herself that she was a villian.

That is some powerful shit!

#4 Well thought out characters that have the depth to stand up on their own. Whether you like, love, or hate a character, they are all just so well written and performed. If it wasn't already obvious I love main Loki. But I also love the character of Mobius, because he is such a soft gentle character who seeks truth calmly. He wants to understand Loki on a deeper level, and is willing to listen. And I hate Sylvie, but in a complex way that goes beyond surface level. I like that she gives us a new way to explore what makes a Loki a Loki. But I feel like growing up jumping through time has left her without a sense of consequences. For most of her life nothing she did mattered. No matter who she kissed or killed or loved or hated, either the TVA would come in and wipe away her every touch or an apocalypse would. So at the end what did one more kiss and one more kill matter? Ultimately she didn't kill Kang because she wanted to free anyone, she did it because the only constant in her existence was her hate of the TVA for stealing her life. Like that is some deep character development. Also on the note of costuming, the fact that Sylvie never sees our Loki in anything other than the TVA uniform and how that shapes her opinion of him is really well done. And how Sylvie doesn't know how to change her clothes, means she had to go somewhere to get clothes for herself as she ages but she continues to wear basically the same outfit as she did as child, also speaks to her character and I love that.

#5 Women power. A female director. A female sound composer. And all the other female crew that I know I'm missing because I'm terrible at looking things up. That represention is important, but also they did just a fucking amazing job. Like not only did they hire women, but they hired insanely talented women. And they gave those women the freedom needed to go out and use the talent to do a flip flap apple jacking amazing show.

I cannot wait for the second season.

#loki #loki series #tom Hiddleston #ep #spoiler #reasons i love you #women role the world #friendship #trust #free will #communication #consequences #loneliness #autistic #loki x sylvie #loki x mobius #mobius x ravonna #ravonna vs B15

[kohakhearts]

[bdg buy my bed voice] hey uh why do you think harry's borderline

honestly this feels like a threat thanks so much. man i'm just saying but if you ever need me to guess your identity in the future this is definitely the way to do it because i sure do associate that song with you 100% JKDHFJGKDJSHFJDK

but! anyway!!! i have so so many reasons for this and absolutely self-projection is chief amongst them but!! i do actually think it fits well with the text. actually, i don't know if i've ever like...seen a character who gives me bigger bpd vibes than harry james potter like ik a lot of people talk about characters like anakin and elsa and those are very valid but when i say harry makes me feel #seen...lmao.

tangentially related, but with characters like this i really feel like it's just...interesting to look at the circumstances of their creation. obviously, their creators weren't coding them as borderlines (well, most likely, in any case), but characters who wind up reading this way often do seem to have some form of severe childhood trauma, which tells me that, you know, for most of us our understanding of psychology leads to a very basic sense of "these Bad Things cause x traits" wherein x is "borderline," but no one's actively searching up borderline traits, because people who don't have them or know someone who does or work in the field probably can't just say what those are off the tops of their heads. and even then i wouldn't say in the case of people who are aware of what they are that it's overly deliberate; just look at me and adrienne lmao. and again - there's a character with severe childhood trauma.

so my primary argument regarding that is that, like, these characters are wholly defined by their trauma. they don't know it. maybe their creators don't even realize it. and it doesn't change their roles in the story, either. in terms of how characters are created, i think that a lot of times we "don't know" things about our own characters because our subconscious understanding of our own psychology is at play when we're writing them. that means readers who do have a more conscious awareness of it might pick up on parts of that and interpret it a different way than we intended when writing (or even than other readers). 50% of writing, i think, is reading - and this is why. readers' individual experiences are absolutely the thing most informing their understanding of a text, right after the actual words on a page.

all that being said, let's talk about harry!! i have lots to say here, so i've put everything under the cut. i did write a fic about this last year, which doesn’t lay everything out like i did here but does cite a lot of the same reasons and explores them within his actual character! amazingly, it is longer than this massive essay, but i won’t lie: it’s a close thing.

to preface, i have bpd. apparently it's not exactly lacking in severity, either. i guess i'm considering "high-functioning," but realistically i just learned really young that outwardly showing emotions = bad and happened to internalize it in such a way that even into adulthood i was more "freeze" or "fawn" than "fight." i don't think this applies to harry, but there's also the factor of his age.

i know it's a spicy take, but i do think there's a good reason why teenagers aren't supposed to be diagnosed with pds. honestly, i do even see where the whole "diagnosing an adult but not telling them about it" thing comes form too, especially with borderline. i mean...it's super easy to meld our whole personalities with the disordered part of it. however! i also think age is pretty arbitrary, and that if teenagers are displaying symptoms then there's a good chance they're not going to just "go away" once they grow up, and some dbt will do good sooner rather than later. the sole reason i think it's good to be cautious about this is because of this symptom manifestation. it'd just be stupid to say that every teenager thinks, feels, and acts the way people with bpd do. and very concerning, actually, because it's definitely not true. but they are still in the process of self-discovery and everything, so! telling them you absolutely have this highly stigmatized disorder of the personality isn't really the move (in my opinion, but hey! i get it! i really wanted a diagnosis as a teen too never mind that it made me feel horrible when my psychiatrist said he ~suspected~ i had it as an adult lmfao). all this is irrelevant, because harry isn't a real person. bpd most often develops in childhood. i think anyone who disagrees with that is totally fooling themselves.

on a side note, i've seen a lot of people say harry seems adhd as hell over the years LMAO. i would honestly agree. as it turns out, something like 1/3 of people with bpd had comorbid adhd. emotional dysregulation is the big commonality for sure.

so, what i said above, about childhood trauma. i firmly believe that harry's character is shaped by his upbringing. i do not think his character would be recognizable removed from it. it's why i could never write a wbwl/no voldemort/lily and/or james are alive au (i have an old wip of a james lives au actually, and i'd love to flesh it out and try it again (i started it when i was 12 or 13 i think), but i'd have to do a whole lot of thinking on this point first LOL). and anyone who knows me knows i love dad snape, but as much as i enjoy content of him raising harry, i struggle to imagine a scenario where harry can retain his personality as we know it in the canon if removed from the dursleys' care at an exceptionally young age. same goes for remus and sirius, or the weasleys.

the details of harry's childhood are honestly a bit vague, though. a lot of the worst details are mentioned fleetingly, and not brought up again. here's what we do know (childhood being inclusive of his (particularly young) teenage years):

"harry was used to spiders, because the cupboard under the stairs was full of them, and that was where he slept." (ps ch2)

"dudley's favourite punch-bag was harry, but he often couldn't catch him. harry didn't look it, but he was very fast." (ps ch2)

"...harry had always been small and skinny for his age. he looked even smaller and skinnier than he really was because all he had to wear were old clothes of dudley's and dudley was about four times bigger than he was." (ps ch2)

[same paragraph^] "he wore round glasses held together with a lot of sellotape because of all the times dudley had punched him on the nose." (ps ch2)

"don't ask questions - that was the first rule for a quiet life with the dursleys." (ps ch2)

"every year [on dudley's birthday] harry was left behind with mrs figg [...]. harry hated it there." (ps ch2)

"the dursleys often spoke about harry like this, as though he wasn't there - or rather, as though he was something very nasty that couldn't understand them, like a slug." (ps ch2)

also noteworthy here is that when harry suggests they leave him behind, petunia says no because she doesn't want to come back to "find the house in ruins," and as soon as they say harry will have to come with them dudley starts to cry, saying he doesn't want harry to come because he "always spoils everything." he's faking it, and knows harry knows it, since he grins at him.

prior to this, petunia had told him she wanted him to cook bacon, but we see him cooking bacon and eggs? there's no indication that she helps him here other than setting the frying pan on the stove before he comes into the kitchen. during the course of this meal, harry begins eating faster out of fear that dudley will have a temper tantrum over his birthday gifts "in case dudley turned the table over."

"but uncle vernon didn't believe him [when he said 'i'm not going to do anything' before going to the zoo]. no one ever did." (ps ch2)

"next morning, however, he had got up to find his hair exactly as it had been before aunt petunia had sheared it off. he had been given a week in his cupboard for this, even though he had tried to explain that he couldn't explain how it had grown back so quickly." (ps ch2)

"...he'd got in terrible trouble for being found on the roof of the school kitchens. dudley's gang had been chasing him as usual [...]. the dursleys had received a very angry letter from harry's headmistress telling them harry had been climbing school buildings. but all he'd tried to do (as he shouted at uncle vernon through the locked door of his cupboard) was jump behind the big bins outside the kitchen doors." (ps ch2)

"[vernon] liked to complain about things: people at work, harry, the council, harry, the bank and harry were just a few of his favourite subjects." (ps ch2)

"if there was one thing the dursleys hated even more than his asking questions, it was his talking about anything acting in a way it shouldn't, no matter if it was in a dream or even a cartoon - they seemed to think he might get dangerous ideas." (ps ch2)

"he was careful to to walk a little way apart from the dursleys so that dudley and piers [...] wouldn't fall back on their favourite hobby of hitting him." (ps ch2)

dudley punches harry in the ribs and knocks him to the floor at the zoo (i.e. in a very public setting LMAO). no one seems shocked or bothered by this.

vernon says when they get back "go - cupboard - stay - no meals," which is a punishment harry seems to have been through before: "he didn't know what time it was and he couldn't be sure the dursleys were asleep yet. until they were, he couldn't risk sneaking to the kitchen for some food." (ps ch2)

"he'd lived with the dursleys almost ten years, ten miserable years [...] he couldn't remember being in the car when his parents had died. sometimes, when he strained his memory during long hours in his cupboard, he came up with a strange vision: a blinding flash of green and a burning pain in his forehead." (ps ch2)

[same paragraph^^] "he couldn't remember his parents at all. his aunt and uncle never spoke about them, and of course he was forbidden to ask questions. there were no photographs of them in the house." (ps ch2)

"when he had been younger, harry had dreamed and dreamed of some unknown relation coming to take him away, but it had never happened; the dursleys were his only family." (ps ch2)

"at school, harry had no one. everybody knew that dudley's gang hated that odd harry potter [...] and nobody liked to disagree with dudley's gang." (ps ch2)

"by the time he was allowed out of his cupboard again [after dudley's birthday, june 23rd], the summer holidays had started," (ps ch3) don't know how long this is for, but presumably longer than a week (as it was apparently his "longest punishment" ever).

"the rest of [dudley's friends] were all quite happy to join in dudley's favourite sport: harry hunting." (ps ch3)

"no one, ever, in his whole life, had written to him. who would? he had no friends, no other relatives." (ps ch3)

when harry gets his first hogwarts letter, vernon says, "didn't we swear when we took him in we'd stamp out that dangerous nonsense?" (ps ch3)

"unce vernon did something he had never done before; he visited harry in his cupboard." (ps ch3) (note: in the second chapter, he does say that his only visitor to the cupboard is petunia.)

vernon moves harry up to dudley's second bedroom because he thinks wizards are spying on them; they have only received one letter at this point, and he seems to believe they won't receive any others if this one isn't returned.

"he shouted at harry for about half an hour and then told him to go make a cup of tea." (ps ch3)

"his birthdays weren't exactly fun - last year, the dursleys had given him a coat-hanger and a pair of uncle vernon's old socks." (ps ch3)

in the hut, they make harry sleep on the floor; he doesn't seem to expect anything else, nor does he fight for anything else (although when they're trying to eavesdrop on petunia and vernon, he and dudley fight for the better listening position! harry presumably gets punched in the face then, though; his glasses are broken again at the end of the scuffle).

when hagrid says he must know all about hogwarts, harry says no, and then immediately says "sorry" when hagrid looks shocked about this.

from vernon after harry finds out he's a wizard: "i accept there's something strange about you, probably nothing a good beating woudn't have cured - and as for all this about your parents, well, they were weirdos, no denying it, and the world's better off without them in my opinion," (ps ch4)

"he'd spent his life being clouted by dudley and bullied by aunt petunia and uncle vernon; if he was really a wizard, why hadn't they been turned into warty toads every time they'd tried to lock him in his cupboard? if he'd once defeated the greatest sorcerer in the world, how come dudley had always been able to kick him around like a football?" (ps ch4)

"the dursleys couldn't have known about [how much money is in harry's vault] or they'd have had it from him faster than blinking. how often ha they complained how much harry cost them to keep?" (ps ch5)

"aunt petunia and uncle vernon didn't shut harry in his cupboard, force him to do anything or shout at him - in fact, they didn't speak to him at all. [...] although this was an improvement in many ways, it became a bit depressing after a while." (ps ch6)

"uncle vernon dumped harry's trunk on to a trolley and wheeled it in to the station for him. harry thought this was strangely kind until..." (ps ch6)

when they leave him at the train station, they're all laughing. presumably, though, they must go back later to find he's not there, because they obviously know somehow that he got to hogwarts(?). i think harry sends them a letter at some point before christmas but i can't remember the details and don't want to read for them lol.

"he didn't know where he was going to - but it had to be better than what he was leaving behind." (ps ch6)

when ron asks, he only describes his relatives as "horrible."

"he had never had money for sweets with the dursleys." (ps ch6)

"[harry] had never had anything to share before, or, indeed, anyone to share it with."

harry is surprised that he has christmas gifts, though he has presumably gotten gifts for his own friends(?)

hermione is uncertain when she tells harry to have a good summer, because she was "shocked that anyone could be so unpleasant" (ps ch17) wrt vernon.

"ever since harry had come home for the summer holidays, uncle vernon had been treating him like a bomb that might go off at any moment." (cos ch1)

"all harry's spellbooks, his wand, robes, cauldron and top-of-the-range nimbus two thousand broomstick had been locked in a cupboard under the stairs by uncle vernon the instant harry had come home. what did the durseys care if harry lost his place on the house quidditch team [or] went back to school without any of his homework done? [...] uncle vernon had even padlocked harry's owl, hedwig, inside her cage, to stop her carrying messages to anyone in the wizarding world." (cos ch1)

"he knew it was only their terror that he might turn them all into dung beetles that stopped them from locking him in the cupboard under the stairs with his wand and broomstick." (cos ch1)

"...aunt petunia knew he hadn't really done magic, but he still had to duck as she aimed a heavy blow at his head with the soapy frying pan. then she gave him work to do, with the promise he wouldn't eat again until he'd finished." (cos ch1)

harry is given "two slices of bread and a lump of cheese" (cos ch1) for supper even after doing all that petunia asked him to ^, including manual labour outside in the garden.

he compares his living situation to dobby's, saying "and i thought i was hard-done-by staying here for another four weeks" when dobby says he's literally a slave lmao. then when dobby says he shouldn't go back to hogwarts, he says, "but i've got to go back [...] it's all that's keeping me going. you don't know what it's like here. i don't belong here." (cos ch2)

when vernon comes up, his threat is "one more sound and you'll wish you'd never been born, boy!" which actually has harry shaking (weird show of fear from a kid who in this same book faces a basilisk, imo), then he says to dobby, "see what it's like here? [... hogwarts is] the only place i've got - well, i think i've got friends." (cos ch2)

he seems (rightfully, i think; any kid would be lmao) genuinely terrified by dobby's threat with the pudding. he says, "please...they'll kill me." (cos ch2)

vernon says "just our nephew - very disturbed" to their guests and "promised harry he would flay him to within an inch of his life when the masons had left." and of course, after harry gets his warning from the ministry: "well, i've got news for you, boy... i'm locking you up...you're never going back to that school...never...and if you try and magic yourself out - they'll expel you!" (cos ch2)

"the following morning he paid a man to fit bars on harry's window. he himself fitted a cat-flap in the bedroom door, so that small amounts of food could be pushed inside three times a day. they let harry out to use the bathroom morning and evening. otherwise, he was locked in his room around the clock." and "three days later the dursleys were showing no sign of relenting [...] "the way things were going, he'd probably starve to death anyway." (cos ch2)

"harry, whose insides were aching with hunger, jumped off his bed and seized [a bowl of tinned soup]. the soup was stone cold, but he drank half of it in one gulp" and he gives the rest to hedwig. (cos ch2)

he wonders, quite genuinely, if he's going to die, and if anyone will rescue him if he doesn't show up at hogwarts in four weeks.

vernon tries to use brute force to keep him inside the house (pulls him by his ankle).

"it was difficult not to feel jealous of ron when he thought of the dursleys and what sort of welcome he could expect next time he turned up in privet drive." (cos ch5)

harry tells ron "the dursleys haven't given me pocket money for about six years." (cos ch5)

[the dursleys] had sent harry a toothpick and a note telling him to find out whether he'd be able to stay at hogwarts for the summer holidays, too." (cos ch12)

hermione asks "your aunt and uncle will be proud, though, won't they? [...] when they hear what you did this year?" to which harry responds "proud? [...] are you mad? all those time i could've died, and i didn't manage it? they'll be furious..." (cos ch18)

"for one thing, he hated the summer holidays more than any other time of the year. for another, he really wanted to do his homework, but was forced to do it in secret, in the dead of night." (poa ch1)

"yet another unusual thing about harry was how little he looked forward to his birthdays. he had never received a birthday card in his life. the dursleys had completely ignored his last two birthdays, and he had no reason to suppose they would remember this one." (poa ch1)

"[aunt marge] didn't often stay in privet drive [...] but each of her visits stood out horribly vividly in harry's memory. / at dudley's fifth birthday party, aunt marge had whacked harry around the shins with her walking stick to stop him beating dudley at musical statues. [...] she had turned up at christmas with a computerised robot for dudley and a box of dog biscuits for harry. [...] harry had accidentally trodden on the paw of her favourite dog. ripper had chased harry into the garden and up a tree, and aunt marge had refused to call him off until past midnight. the memory of this incident still brought tears of laughter to dudleys eyes." (poa ch2)

"watching harry being bullied by uncle vernon was dudley's favourite form of entertainment." (poa ch2)

vernon gives harry a false story to tell marge, that he goes to a school called st brutus's secure centre for incurably criminal boys. when harry says he'll stick to the story if vernon signs his hogsmeade form, vernon threatens to beat him but he points out that wouldn't make marge forget anything he said about magic.

"harry was bursting to say he'd rather live in an orphanage than with the dursleys." (poa ch2)

marge tells petunia to write to harry's supposed school because they're clearly "not beating him hard enough."

and, duh, harry runs away. he says "i've had enough" and tbh he's probably talking about marge specifically, but it's not really clear. could be a General statement lol. (poa ch2)

"aunt petunia always insisted that dudley was a very gifted boy whose teachers didn't understand him [...] they also skated over the accusations of bullying." (gof ch3)

"aunt petunia seemed to feel that the best way to keep up dudley's morale was to at make sure that he did, at least, get more to eat than harry." (gof ch3)

"allowing harry to go would make harry happy, something uncle vernon had struggled against for thirteen years. on the other hand, allowing harry to disappear to the weasleys' for the rest of the summer would get rid of him two weeks earlier than anyone could have hoped, and uncle vernon hated having harry in the house." (gof ch3)

"'you stand there, in the clothes petunia and i have put on your ungrateful back -' / 'only after dudley finished with them,' said harry coldly. [...] / 'i will not be spoken to like that!' said uncle vernon, trembling with rage. / but harry wasn't going to stand for this. gone were the days when he had been forced to take every single one of the dursleys' stupid rules." (gof ch3)

arthur makes the dursleys say good-bye to harry, even though harry tells him "it doesn't matter. [...] honestly, i don't care." (gof ch4)

"he had no memory of ever being hugged like this, as though by a mother." (gof ch36)

"...he had barely staggered upright when two large purple hands reached through the open window and closed tightly around his throat." (ootp ch1) worth noting that vernon stops strangling harry because "some invisible force seemed to have surged through his nephew."

mrs figg says about all the times he was brought to her house, "the dursleys would never have let you come if they'd thought you enjoyed it." (ootp ch2)

they want to throw harry out after the dementor attack. before this, harry planned to run away (again).

they leave him in the house and tell him he can't touch anything or "steal food from the fridge" and vernon says he's locking the bedroom door.

before his hearing, harry asks sirius if he gets expelled from hogwarts if he can come live with him.

"he knew how it felt to be humiliated in the middle of a circle of onlookers, knew exactly how snape had felt as his father had taunted him," (ootp ch28)

i'm going to come back to this chapter later, but! chapter 37, the lost prophecy, they talk about the dursleys quite a bit actually. harry has two lines that stick out to me: 1) "she doesn't love me. [...] she doesn't give a damn -" (about petunia) and 2) "people don't like being locked up! [...] you did it to me all last summer -" but like. gestures to above. harry has a lot of experience being locked up, and it's not something dumbledore did to him (directly, in any case).

the order of the phoenix threatens the dursleys at the end of ootp, talking about how they'll know if they're "mistreating" harry.

other than the scene at the beginning of hbp where dumbledore says, essentially, that the dursleys raised harry better than dudley by not spoiling him (really), i don't remember much in this one and i'm not about to dig too deep to find anything haha.

dh though! i'd have to put like all of chapter 3 here lmao. again, someone says something to the dursleys for not saying good-bye to harry. harry says "they think i'm a waste of space, actually, but i'm used to -"

"this was their first encounter with the fact that a full stomach meant good spirits [...]. harry was the least surprised by this, because he had suffered periods of near starvation at the dursleys'. (dh ch15)

this is not, by any means, an exhaustive list - just everything i remembered well enough to track the specific instances of down. and it's a lot longer than i thought it would be so sorry about that but! the tl;dr here is that harry was often locked up, withheld meals, treated as (an albeit ungrateful) charity case, and felt as early as age 10 that he was not loved - by anyone. exceptionally, i'd like to point out too how many people seemed to have known about it and did nothing. otherwise, it's noteworthy to me that his relatives told other people he was insane or a criminal. and it's definitely important that harry didn't know anything about his parents, except for a lie about the circumstances of their death, until he was 11 years old. but he'd been dreaming about it, presumably his whole life.

i don't think i need to "prove" that harry has childhood trauma, or was abused. it's pretty clear, as far as i'm concerned. as bad as starving a child and strangling him and threatening to beat him is, the thing that is especially important to be here i think is the fact that harry doesn't know he's loved. and this is pretty apparent even at the beginning of cos, when he thinks ron and hermione must not care for him as much as he cares for them because they aren't sending him any letters (never mind that he obviously hasn't been to send them any!). but it crops up in a lot of other places too: his surprise at getting gifts (which lessens over the years, understandably); how he spends all of his fifth year, pretty much, not going to dumbledore about anything because he feels like dumbledore doesn't care, or thinks something is wrong with him; how touched he is by molly saying she's "as good as" his mother. just to name a few!

the other part of this is that harry doesn't know he's wanted, which is, i think, even bigger. one of the chief symptoms of bpd is fear of abandonment. in my opinion, harry has a lot of this - but what he does is push other people away before they can leave him. he does it to hermione in poa over the firebolt, he does it to ron in gof and again in dh, he does it ginny in hbp, he does it to all the weasleys after arthur is attacked, and he does it to remus in dh. he feels lost when sirius says "james would have..." about him going to hogsmeade to see harry and he faces a lot of guilt after he and ron fly the car to hogwarts, thinking how horrible he was after the weasleys had treated him so well.

something that ties into this is another common thing with bpd, which is paranoia. harry's actually really cognizant of people talking behind his back. we see it in cos, then again in gof, then again in ootp, and especially, i think, in dh - when he's sure ron and hermione are talking behind his back (and tbh, they probably are) and he just assumes he knows what they're thinking (and it's nothing good about him; in fact, he seems under the impression here that they don't want to be doing this anymore, now that they know he hasn't got a "real" plan).

all of this leads to unstable relationships. perhaps the biggest red flag of them all, right? these are relationships involving a lot of fighting, miscommunication, or "on and off" periods. harry spends a lot of time yelling at people, and that's not exclusive to his fifth year. other than this, though, he's quick to get really...cold? and nasty? one moment that sticks out to me is in gof, he throws one of the badges at ron's head and says "there you go, something for you to wear [at the first task]. you might even have a scar now, if you're lucky. ...that's what you want, isn't it?" after he's just been shouting at ron for interrupting his conversation with sirius (which he refuses to tell ron about), when all ron was doing was checking to see what he was doing. and this scene ends with this line: "he strode across the room towards the stairs; he half-expected ron to stop him, he would even have liked ron to throw a punch at him..." and we see this with dudley a lot too, that harry really likes to...goad him into violence. and then there's, of course, in ootp, the bit where harry gets banned from quidditch because he couldn't control his temper and physically attacked draco.

interestingly, the only people he doesn't ever really yell at are the dursleys (except for marge). which is especially interesting because we know they spent a lot of time yelling at him. mostly, though, he’s short, cold, and sardonic with them. he’s kind of passive aggressive, really. but, then, this makes a lot of sense - he was a child, and he got in trouble - serious trouble - for doing much of anything. removed from the dursleys, he's able to push a lot of boundaries, see how far he can go without consequences. i don't think this is exclusive to his temper, either; there's also the fact that harry is not a very morally "good" person. i think this is most largely evidenced by two spells: the cruciatus curse and sectumsempra.

i actually find the chapter "sectumsempra" quite disturbing. like, there's one brief moment where harry's very disgusted with what he did, but it's...very brief. harry never stops to feel sorry for what he did to draco. this is important. he's not upset that he almost killed someone. he's upset because the figure he'd been idealizing (this is also important to my point; i'll come back to this) through the half-blood prince's textbook turned out to know a very dark and nasty spell. he's quick to rationalize this, too. he's very insistent that the half-blood prince can't have been a bad person - after all, he's been really helpful to harry! what else is he upset about here? he's upset that he got caught. he outright tells snape he doesn't think he deserves the detentions he's assigned. he's more outwardly horrified by having to miss the last quidditch game of the season that his near murder of a classmate. and, of course - he can't be too put-off by the spell, because he uses it multiple times, and not just on the inferi. he tries to use it on snape, in fact - following two failed attempts to cast the cruciatus curse on him.

in ootp, when he tries to cast the cruciatus on bellatrix, he says he has to mean it. we don't see him ever manage to cast it in hbp, but he does successfully do so in dh, when amycus carrow spits on mcgonagall. this is...absolutely baffling to me. unlike bellatrix and snape, this guy didn't even kill anyone. he just...disrespected harry's teacher. and he tortures him? and says "i see what bellatrix meant [...] you need to really mean it." this from the same kid who refuses to cast the killing curse, even against the man who murdered his parents. he's also able to cast the imperius curse with no issues at all. and we know sectumsempra is very dark magic. harry is very capable of casting dark magic, and seems to derive genuine satisfaction from hurting people. it's not awesome to say "this is good proof for him being borderline," because obviously we don't want to hurt people, but it does point to the fact that harry's moral compass isn't very well-aligned, and he doesn't even realize it - largely, i would think, because he uses these spells on “bad” people (i.e. death eaters).

all of this suggests something that we see a lot otherwise, which is that harry is a very black and white thinker. it's interesting, because there is a recurring theme of, like, there's more than just black and white. and we know even that harry, snape, and dumbledore, in particular, are all pretty morally grey but are the people who ultimately have the largest hand in ending the war. harry's inability to see nuance, however, is not just present in the fact that he doesn't mind torturing people (but certainly would never kill someone!). when he hates people, he does so fiercely. if he loves them, then he's wholly dedicated to them. he doesn’t do much in moderation, either. he’s very quick to assume the worst about things (the second task is a good example of this). any time he feels sympathy, or anger, or anything like that for another person, it goes away very quickly, which leads me to another big facet of this black/white pattern, which is splitting. harry actually does this a lot, i think? his feelings towards dumbledore in ootp and dh absolutely oscillate hard between idealization and devaluation. but the person he does this most to is ron, which makes a lot of sense, because ron is his most important person - that's why he was taken in the second task! this first pops up in gof:

ch19 - “at this moment he hated everything about ron” / ch20 - “but harry didn’t care, he wouldn’t have cared if karkaroff had given him zero; ron’s indignation on his behalf was worth about a hundred points to him."

and then there's a similar thing in dh:

ch16 - "harry felt a corrosive hatred towards ron; something had broken between them...” / ch19 - “the subject of ron’s departure seemed to rise like a wall between them. and yet he was here. he had returned. he had just saved harry’s life."

his idealization patterns are pretty significant too. he idealizes dumbledore and sirius, for sure. after his death, he seems to really put snape on a pedestal as well? and he unknowingly idealizes snape, in the form of the half-blood prince (this is also interesting, because snape is given a lot of effeminate qualities through this, even as harry insists he’s sure the half-blood prince isn’t a woman LOL). this one is big, i think, because he sees the half-blood prince as someone who has been helping him, and so he’s absolutely certain that he can’t have put a dark spell in the book because he invented it and/or wanted others to use it. harry is largely seen to disregard authority, but he treats this book like gospel because it gives him helpful directions. this, paired with the fact that the people he probably idealizes the most are lily and james, says a lot about his lack of reliable adults imo? and while he's shown that james is imperfect, lily remains fixed in his mind as someone with no flaws, who loved him dearly, who died for him. harry doesn't get that most parents would die for their children, because he didn't grow up with adults who cared for him. what does he know about lily, other than that petunia hated her, snape loved her, and she died for him?

this, amongst other things, tells me that harry really desperately wants a parental figure. he seeks it out in sirius, who can't be that for him because the circumstances won't allow it, and even dumbledore says they had a bit more of a brotherly relationship. he doesn't find it in remus - and ironically tells remus to leave him and go back to be with his own son so he won't grow up like harry did, which is honestly...a pretty shitty thing to say, not gonna lie, but my opinions on remus and tonks and teddy are irrelevant to this particular subject so. i digress. he doesn't get it from dumbledore, or from mcgonagall. he wants it from molly and arthur, but he definitely knows, all along, that as much as they've done for him, they are ron's parents. not his. and he certainly doesn't get it from petunia or vernon.

harry is impulsive, and reckless, and cares little for his own safety. i don't think i need to cite anything here. pretty much all seven books are just...harry doing impulsive and dangerous things because he thinks it's the right thing to do. he almost dies so many times, and he hardly seems fazed by it. mostly, he's bothered by what happens to other people - he's bothered by what happens to other people because of him. this is obvious in a few scenes, where he tries to do things alone. there's the guilt he feels after they go to the hall of prophecies, because people got hurt, even though none of them blame him for it at all. then there's the fact that he breaks up with ginny (and i'm going to circle back to this one too, but for a different reason) because it's too unsafe for her to be with him. and, of course, that he tries to make ron and hermione leave (more than once), because it's too dangerous and he never wanted them to get hurt. but it's okay if he, harry, gets hurt. he forgives dumbledore for raising him to die, with little to no hesitation, largely because dumbledore proves to him that he did care all along. cared about harry. loved him. that's all he ever wanted.

and i think this all speaks to the fact that harry fundamentally does not value his own life. and that's not really any wonder, i mean - just look at how he was raised! dudley was a perfect child, and he was a no-good, ungrateful freak. dudley did everything right, and he did everything wrong, even though dudley was the one throwing temper tantrums and he was punished for things he had no control over. and for his most foundational childhood years, he didn't even know why. harry's willing to risk his life to save one 12-year-old girl. he's willing to risk his life to save his school rival (whom he nearly killed a year before this). and, of course, he's willing to die for the greater good. is it hard for him? sure! but to me harry seems like someone who is very passively suicidal, maybe without even realizing it. as early as cos, he thinks that dying "isn't so bad," and is clearly at peace with the thought that he would die in the chamber before fawkes's tears healed him. yeah. 12 years old. and then he just moves on, like that didn't happen at all. i’ve done all my basic training in suicide prevention and mental health first aid, never mind my own experiences in that corner. before harry walks to his death, he is literally showing every red flag for suicide possible. he doesn’t want to talk to his friends because he’s afraid then he wouldn’t have the “strength” to do it. he tells himself it’s better for everyone, especially his loved ones, if he dies, in order to prevent himself from approaching anyone. he tells neville about nagini to pass on the responsibility to someone as it was passed on to him by dumbledore. he tells neville he’s fine, and not to worry about him, but look out for ron and hermione, essentially. he’s at peace with his decision, believing it is the best thing for everyone. he doesn’t want to die, but i think a common misconception people have about suicide in general is that these people want to die, when in fact they more likely want to stop living, and there is a very big difference between these two things. suicidality presents somewhat differently for borderlines, who are often described as “chronically suicidal,” and are more prone to impulsive attempts. this isn’t the first time harry has made peace with dying. this isn’t the first time he’s thought it was bound to happen anyway, because he’s been living on borrowed time all along. along with the sense of borrowed time is the idea that harry lives for one purpose, and one purpose alone; it’s okay for him to die, as long as it ensures voldemort does too. he absolutely sees his life like this. even before he ever learned the prophecy, in my opinion.

aside from his extremes in these respects, there’s also his extremes between explosive anger and utter apathy. my favourite chapter for sure is the lost prophecy. it’s absolutely fascinating to me. it feels like there are a lot of layers in it. and i think it’s the place where we see best how affected harry is by everything he’s been through, and how he will continue to be affected. i would argue that his grief for sirius in this chapter is paralleled with a grief for his “inner child.” very importantly, the main focus of this chapter winds up being dumbledore’s plan - harry’s life, which has always been in dumbledore’s control. harry starts out in this chapter very quiet, squirming with guilt. just as quickly he begins yelling and throwing things at dumbledore. almost immediately, he gets quiet again and tries to flee, and when this is unsuccessful goes back to yelling. he rides this particular wave the entire time. he is very apathetic about the prophecy, though! when he asks if it means that one of them will have to kill the other, and dumbledore says yes, he just kind of...takes that. i wrote some of my thoughts about this chapter out here if you want to read about it at length, because there’s a lot that is relevant here but would take to long to get into lol.

and there’s one more facet of unstable relationships that i think is worth bringing up, and that’s his romantic relationships. harry is very obsessive, and kind of clingy. it’s why a lot of us wind up feeling kind of weird about his relationship with ginny. it seems like his feelings are very intense and kind of come out of nowhere. when they’re on the run in dh, there’s a point where he thinks he misses ginny more than he misses hogwarts, the only place he ever called home. uh...yeah. i doubt that, honestly. he says when they break up that his time with her felt like “something out of another person’s life.” we know from how they get together that the feelings there are intense. when he breaks up with ginny, he can’t bear to stay near her because he thinks he would take it back, since he doesn’t really want to break up with her. this absolutely screams “leaving someone so they can’t leave me first” to me. realistically, breaking up does virtually nothing to protect her, when his feelings for her don’t go away.

another good example of his obsessive personality is his obsession with draco malfoy. this isn’t about romance, obviously, but it does show really well how singular-minded he can get about people when he thinks he knows something about them (and is another good example of the fact that he is a paranoid thinker; he turns out to be right about this, but everyone else is quick to say he’s paranoid, in such a way that suggests they’ve observed him as being paranoid before this). this works in the opposite way, too; when he fights with ron, he pretty much acts as if ron doesn’t even exist. in this case, he knows ron left, or doesn’t trust him anymore, or hates him, so he just endeavours to erase him entirely. he barely speaks his name at all if he can avoid it after he leaves in dh. again, extremes.

another romance thing is cho. harry is very interested in cho, until she returns his feelings. and this is pretty classic borderline behaviour, honestly. he’s very awkward with her and largely oblivious to her feelings. he doesn’t get close to her, at all. after sirius dies, he just...doesn’t talk to her again. from huge passion to intense apathy. he doesn’t seem particularly upset that their relationship doesn’t work out.

and there is, of course, his self-image. his identity. he struggles with this from the very beginning, and it’s obviously exacerbated by the fact that a piece of voldemort is literally attached to him. he struggles with thinking he doesn’t really belong in gryffindor in cos, and actually really despairs about it, wondering if the hat had made a mistake and he was more of a slytherin after all. he believes in multiple instances that he is a dark wizard, possessed, or deep down a bad person, like tom riddle. other people assure him he isn’t. he has no idea of this himself, though. he values being like his father, and is very upset to learn that his father was a bully, especially because he himself was a victim of bullying, i would think. he only ever considers one career, and doesn’t seem to really “consider” it at all, actually. it also seems very logical for him to stay on a path to become an auror as long as voldemort is alive. i can’t see her doing it after voldemort is dead, honestly. related to this, he is so uncaring about his extracurricular subjects that he just signs up for the exact same ones ron does. and, of course, he has a difficult time believing he’s a wizard, and again thinks that there must somehow have been a mistake.

my last big point is that harry deals with a lot of guilt. some of it is extremely misplaced. there are some things (like using sectumsempra on draco) that he ought to feel guilty for, but doesn’t appear to dwell on it much. he also has a tendency to project his guilt on to other people. like how he blames snape for sirius’s death, and i’d argue he does the same thing with dumbledore’s death (again, on snape. obviously snape did kill him, but only after harry has just force-fed him poison). in this same vein, he often seems under the impression that he is somehow the thing causing the people around him to suffer. whether that’s a matter of being somehow “dark,” or just that his life is clearly dangerous, it doesn’t matter - he isn’t blaming voldemort for this. he’s blaming himself.

so! there are nine symptoms of bpd. here i think we’ve got 1) explosive anger, 2) a pattern of unstable relationships (largely defined by a pattern of idealization and devaluation/a lot of “push-pull”), 3) impulsive behaviour, 4) massive and rapid mood swings, 5) unstable sense of self, 6) suicidal thoughts, threats, or actions, 7) a chronic feeling of emptiness (apathy), 8) fear of abandonment, 9) paranoia. i can see all of this stemming from his childhood environment, easily. other things that aren’t dsm symptoms but are common include those feelings of guilt, and a high comorbidity with ptsd (which harry also meets the criteria for, much of it even before ootp).

#answered #anon #*meta #harry potter and the borderline personality disorder #literally the stand-in title for that fic lmfao #hjp #harry potter #ive thought about this so much. you have no idea #sorry if there are typos. i tried #there was so much here i started off strong but i was wearing out by the end LMAO #if anyone ever wants to hear my thoughts on a specific Thing i am always happy to talk about harry

[thequibblah]

⭐ honestly there are so many things that I'd likevto ask which is why I want to ask a broaderish question.. How do you approach the characterisation of your "Main cast"? I think you have created some really great complex characters even though they do not exist in canon or even fanon (Germaine in example)

I hope this isn't too broad lol

no, i don't think it's too broad! just let me know if my answer doesn't actually touch on what you were wondering about haha

character creation for me tends to be spontaneous rather than conscious — i.e. i'm just writing my way through a scene and i'm like anyway, these people are new and they're friends or they're dating or they hate each other, and there's rarely a ton of forethought put into it. the vast majority of the ct cast was like that, i would say, except possibly michael, who was the first love interest i invented so there was a little more intention there

(but other than him i was really pulling things out of nowhere for the rest of the students especially — including with emmeline which sometimes surprises me)

the exception is, of course, the main cast. they and sara were very intentional, and i wrote little bio thingies for them before i started even outlining the fic. i mean the non-canon main cast, of course, lol — mary, dorcas (they're both canon but i've invented virtually everything about them, so), and germaine.

i did actually do a lot of hemming and hawing about how many girls there would be in lily's year in gryffindor. as discussed in a previous "my beef with j/k/r" instalment on this blog, the numbers of the hogwarts population really don't make sense at all, so i knew i could be flexible and kind of hand wave any questionable bits away. but the composition of the gryffindor girls was crucial in deciding lily's characterisation, imo — an easy way to convey implied characterisation is to show someone in contrast to the people around them. so: who is lily within the context of her friend group? is she friends with all the girls she rooms with?

separately, i've always liked writing friends in groups of four. in the planning stage of this i was like urghhh it's four girls, the four marauders, is that like too perfect....... and one thing i HATED was that people could then map on each marauder to each girl (lily = james is a bit questionable, though i firmly believe they're much more alike than they seem, but it kind of works.... mary = sirius, dorcas = remus, germaine = peter). and i didn't, and don't, want to make it seem like i've just made vaguely distinct female versions of each marauder!

i've made my peace with that risk, of course, and i think each of the girls is significantly different from "their marauder" (LOL) that it's actually fine — and, better still, if that thought occurs to anyone i hope that their characterisations will go on to provide interesting nuance to the parallels

but, anyway, tangent aside, i love groups of four because i think basically all my life i've had groups-of-four friendships. to absolutely go to bat for us foursomes, it's nice because no single person is the obvious odd one out, and each combination in pairs brings something different to the table — the role that doe plays in the group of four at large, for instance, isn't exactly the same as who she is in her individual friendship with mary, lily, or germaine.

the three main cast members came of some very clinical answers to those initial questions about lily.

one, i have always liked having mary be one of lily's friends, and in my characterisation of her she's obviously a great foil to lily, as a fellow muggle-born student. so, she was a lock.

two, i wanted to write one other canon order character, but i didn't want it to be marlene because in my reading of her canon mention, lily is unlikely to write a letter to sirius with her full name (paraphrasing but "i was so upset when marlene mckinnon died, i cried for ages") or, indeed, write a letter discussing how sad marlene's death made her, if they were besties and schoolmates. i went with dorcas because why the hell not? in developing her i then added all these thoughts

three, i felt the need to make up an oc so i could have absolute freedom over their fate. i had certain preconceived notions about mary and dorcas and what their stories would be, so there were other things (e.g. playing quidditch) that i wanted to have a friend of lily's do that they couldn't. plus, i wanted to write a massive lesbian.

another little sticking point, though, was that i (for a very SHRUG?? reason) didn't want lily to be besties with everyone she's lived with, but i didn't want to insert a catty rival into her dorm either. (now, don't get me wrong, i do love a good rival. i did, after all, write mary and amelia, and i am a known appreciator of carlotta meloni, and i adore TLE's marlene mckinnon. but i wanted the gryffindor girls to be like lily's safe space — a contrast both to her home life and to her recently-strained friendship with snape, where she's spent some time having to second-guess herself a lot. in my mind her friendships with all three of her besties coalesced at various points organically, until she was like wow wait i do actually have a home base here.)

the compromise was someone who was friendly with lily, but there's no strain on that friendship to be more than it is — which, sara and lily respect each other but have also learned they're not so alike that they need to hang out all the time. sara, to lily, is the girl you do things with because you're schoolmates, and then once you're out of school you amicably drift apart and occasionally leave a nice comment on their instagram

so that was how the gryffindors coalesced in my mind as placeholder figures. i will fully confess i start with tropes and then work out ways to deconstruct them or complicate them — as i've talked about in multiple of these questions, i think a lot of my characters are caught between sticking to their perceived label and acting the way they want to, aka the ripest high school drama fodder known to humankind

Wearing a fake smile and watching her sister’s sickening love life had put things in perspective a little. Why should she always do what was expected of her?

(we construct ourselves in contrast to those around us....)

mary started off as boy-crazy, doe started off as idealistic, and germaine started off as struggling to find her place. then i built up from those foundations, adding in tropey bits i enjoyed and wanted to engage with — i wanted doe to be passionately principled, but the gentler counterpart to mary, and even-tempered where lily runs hot. i wanted germaine to be a little bit thoughtless, changeable, someone utterly herself but still uncomfortable in her own skin. knowing, then, that the other two were going to be, how shall i put it, gentler hearts (LOL), i went back to mary and decided she would have this tough-girl, queen-bee persona.

then doe got her family background, which added in her ambitions and hinted at her future, and made it so her foundation would be threatened by events of the story. obviously i was writing mary in the aftermath of the mulciber/avery incident, so i needed to ask how much her take-no-shit vibe was threatened by it — and if not, why? how? unsurprisingly, even to people like amelia...

“At least I’m not overflowing with insecurity,” said Amelia. Mary laughed. The sound echoed through the courtyard. “We both know that’s not true.”

...the persona is put-on, but the "real mary" is so caught up in the invented mary that even she couldn't hope to uncover an authentic self...nor would she necessarily want to, because her affected self is still her...

wait don't get me started

germaine was already a quidditch player, and i wanted her to be a seeker because that's automatic investment in perhaps the single player with the most impact on the game — crucial for what i knew would be many, many quidditch sequences, where james wasn't always the most important pov! some of that seekery vibe leeched into who she is: she's searching, right from the start, for a sense of self that feels just out of reach:

“This year is going to be a year of change,” Germaine said [...] “Henceforth I will be going by... Gemma.” The girls looked at one another for a beat. Then Lily, Doe, and Mary burst into laughter.

she's more anxious and outwardly uncertain than her friends, and i wanted to consciously engage with that — proper teenage awkwardness, the kind that wouldn't really happen to Main Character lily, I Have No Sense of Shame mary, and I Am Overflowing with Good Sense doe. more than the other three, germaine is a normal person in the context of this world — she's not a muggleborn, so the war has a different impact on her; she's not the child of activists; she's not well-off. an absolutely spontaneous invention that i was really quite thrilled by was having her sister be crouch's secretary, because it's such a sudden, shocking realisation for her that she's got such a close connection in the thick of it

Germaine clapped a hand over her mouth. “Big news soon,” she mumbled. “Big news soon, that’s what Abigail said, only she didn’t say what big news…”

so germaine is really just... living her life, an indie coming of age film in which her friends' subplot is a fucking war LOL

i defined germaine in contrast to the other girls a lot when drawing out the characters for myself, mostly for a practical reason — i didn't want her to overlap too strongly with any of them, since she's the only one who's wholly my invention. i think some of that remains in her characterisation, but i decided to make it conscious instead:

Germaine saw herself as a happy medium, flexible enough to stretch sympathetically between her friends. But— What does it mean that I define myself in comparison to them? Nothing. She was only seventeen and she was finding her way.

i knew germaine was going to get the chaotic sporty romance pretty much right off the bat, but, fun fact, i hadn't actually picked out who her love interest would be until after i started spitballing other sixth years' names and had a basic idea of who emmeline was. wild!

i feel like i haven't said all i want to say but let's stop there or i'd go on forever, ha!

#director's cuts #ask me #anon

[straykidsupdate]

Stray Kids Members on GO LIVE and Making the Music They Want to Make

There's bedlam in the kitchen, as K-pop disruptors Stray Kids wreak delicious havoc on a sterile commercial space. They dance around wildly, waving stainless steel pots and pans in the air and tossing freshly pressed napkins and imaginary ingredients with relish and abandon. In the forefront, fiery rapper Changbin serves up his own potent sauce with a pummeling verse, while dancer Lee Know attempts to stir fry a handful of what appear to be rose petals behind him. A marching band, their plumes high and faces unbothered, carries on amidst the mess — a visual manifestation of the heavy bass ostinato that immediately invades the senses. It sounds disorienting, maybe even slightly dangerous. It looks like chaos.

Welcome to "God's Menu" ("神메뉴").

The Korean boy group's latest single boasts a big, brassy hook laced with trap beats and an addicting refrain ("this is our tang, tang, tang, tang," they shout), a recipe that has become their signature dish. A sonic successor to last fall's explosive "Double Knot," the track teems with a tireless energy and their hallmark bravado. The video imagines the eight members as chefs who confidently concoct their own art from scratch. "Taste so good, everyone loves it," Han raps, in a mix of Korean and English. "All our dishes taste so strong."

The culinary metaphor is laid on thick, bolstered by a charismatic performance that includes Korean formalities like "네, 손님" (which translates to "yes, sir and ma'am" in English) and TikTok-certified choreography that incorporates mixing, frying, seasoning, and, most notably, chopping. But for a group that's been cooking up homemade beats and flavorful lyrics in their bedrooms long before their 2018 debut, it's a savory declaration that feels more than earned. "We just keep on making new things," leader Bang Chan sings, cleansing the palate with a sweet melody. "Because we're one of a kind."

They bring that same level of confidence and clarity to their first full-length album Go生, a title that combines the English word "go" with the Chinese character for "life" and showcases the group's penchant for clever wordplay. Pronounced go-saeng in Korean, it translates to "hardship." The English title, GO LIVE, reflects their desire to move forward without any lingering inhibition. Consider the 14-track LP a reintroduction to Stray Kids.

"We tried to not think too much," Bang Chan tells Teen Vogue from Seoul, South Korea, where he's currently huddled in a room with members Lee Know, Changbin, Hyunjin, Han, Felix, Seungmin, and I.N. It's late June, and they're in the middle of their first week of promotions for the album, which means early mornings, long nights, and a whirlwind of music show performances, interviews, radio shows, and virtual fan engagements. And yet, even as it nears midnight, the members, ranging in ages from 19 to 22, are still easily excitable. Australia-raised Bang Chan acts as the group's tireless translator, and despite recent concerns, his accent sounds as prominent as ever as he explains how Stray Kids adopted a fresh mindset in preparation for Go生. "Of course, we thought a lot about what to put in the album and how we wanted to make it, but we went with the flow," he says. "We wanted everything to feel a bit more raw."

Stray Kids made their official debut under JYP Entertainment with the riotous and self-produced "District 9," an angsty blend of hip-hop and EDM that would ultimately define the group's characteristic intensity, both musically and lyrically. It laid the foundation for 2018's I Am… trilogy of EPs, which focused heavily on the theme of identity as they charged away from systems that sought to control them. The Clé series followed in 2019, which threw Stray Kids head-first into the thorny, often exhausting labyrinth of adulthood. Bang Chan, Changbin, and Han, who comprise the group's in-house production trio, known as 3RACHA, write about their own experiences, etching their personal dreams and worries into a diverse discography that spans six EPs, multiple mixtape singles, and special releases. But with Go生, they've emerged with newfound perspective.

For years, their music was fixated on the idea of bulldozing through obstacles that stood in their way. They wanted to outrun their problems. Now, it's clear: Growing up isn't about overcoming anxieties and struggles. Instead, it's learning to live in spite of them — to run freely alongside them.

As a result, Go生 is a release bursting with color and vitality, a celebration of life's mercurial nature. There's a song for every craving, and a tracklist that demonstrates the members' prismatic talents as rappers and vocalists. "Easy" delivers boundless swagger over a trap beat (and it's already been immortalized on stan Twitter); "Airplane" is Stray Kids at their most relaxed, a chill summertime vibe that's also a tremendous showcase for singer Seungmin; main rapper and all-rounder Han lets his voice soar on "Phobia," an electronic-synth track that examines the paranoia of losing someone (it was also the final song added to the album); "TA" is all high energy and thunderous chaos, perfect for a future encore set; and "Blueprint" shines with its funky bass line, bright verses, and fierce optimism ("I'll proudly achieve my dream," Felix sings in Korean, as translated to English).

"We wanted to show what Stray Kids is really about," Bang Chan says. And in doing so, Felix adds, they "experimented with a variety of genres." The fellow Aussie, who Bang Chan affectionately calls his little brother and who fans (known as Stay) refer to as their "sunshine," speaks with a warm timbre. His flow is even deeper and more distinct, and it's been a solid entry point for Stay and locals alike. Felix is a commanding presence on "God's Menu," a testament to his growth as a rapper and performer. When asked about his five-star performance, he gets shy. "I think everyone put their all into this song and into the album," he says. "Sit down, be humble," Bang Chan jokingly sings beside him, a reference to Kendrick Lamar's 2017 manifesto "Humble" and a demonstration of the leader's persistent playfulness.

"We've all improved a lot in terms of our performance," dance captain Lee Know says, much to the surprise of his members. It's not that they don't agree, it's just that his eager contribution to the conversation catches them off guard. He's not always so talkative during press interviews. And there's an audible cheer among the group as he continues. "Our dancing has gotten stronger. Our vocals have gotten stronger as well. But we're still honing those skills. And we'll continue to grow."

Hyunjin, whose own development as a rapper, dancer, and vocalist with a mellifluous falsetto is well-documented on the internet, agrees. "As we get older, we want to show Stay more sides to us," he says. The lithe performer's strength is his versatility. He's highly adaptable, so it's not surprising that he's been working on writing and composing his own music under Bang Chan's watchful guidance. "I want to show [Stay] something different," he adds. (And that's a promise he intends to keep.)

Youngest member I.N thinks they're maturing in other ways too. "We've all gotten a lot more good-looking," the lively vocalist says, very matter-of-factly. Laughter erupts in the room, and Changbin's cackle is unmistakable. Undeterred, I.N carries on. "When it comes to performance, I've personally gotten a lot faster at recording and memorizing choreography," he says. Lee Know is quick to jump in. "I.N's performance in 'TOP' really surprised me," the elder says. "He's in the center position for the hook, and watching him I saw just how much he's improved. He's more confident now."

I.N is happy he gave off such an aura. "When we were preparing for this album there were times when I didn't feel so confident," he says. So he turned to his members, who listened to his concerns and offered him feedback. He feels much lighter now. "One thing I realized after watching our 'God's Menu' stages is that we all look like we're enjoying ourselves more. We feel more free on stage. And it just feels easier."

The album's most surprising and reflective moment comes at the halfway point, courtesy of Han. Written by the teen multihyphenate, "Another Day" is soft and simple, but no less introspective than his previous cuts ("19" and "Sunshine"). It depicts a feeling of restlessness caused by burnout and the inability to "rest without worrying."

Han's inspiration for the song was largely himself. "It's been a tough year, and I knew it wasn't just me who felt that way," he says. "So I wanted to put those emotions into the song."

In front of the camera, Han exudes relentless charisma. He's quick-witted and wickedly funny. Off stage, he's one of the group's two MBTI-approved introverts (the other being Hyunjin), and he prefers to relax in a controlled environment: his room. In fact, if he doesn't have a schedule or a song to work on, he'd prefer not to leave his bed at all, choosing instead to watch YouTube and anime on his phone. As someone who's deeply inspired by visual mediums, it's in these calmer moments where creativity often strikes.

"Everyone goes through times where things don't work out the way you want them to," he says. "But I think it's important to remember that while you're going through a difficult time, you need to take a breath. Go do something for yourself … Break out of that negative mindset and open yourself up to new possibilities."

Each of the members has their own way of dealing with feelings of stress and anxiety. Changbin works on music. "It's my healing," he says. And he hopes it can be healing for Stay too; he teaches fans the basics of rap during semi-regular streams on V Live. Lee Know prefers to do nothing at all. This is why the members often say the self-assured performer is like water — whatever is bothering him just washes away by morning. But I.N needs time away from the older members. ("Leave me alone!" oldest member Bang Chan whines, mimicking the moody teen.) Hyunjin finds comfort in sentimental music and Korean dramas, and he's especially adept at communicating with fans on Instagram and V Live, where he addresses their worries and offers support in both Korean and English. "That heals my heart," he adds softly. Felix has taken up cooking and baking, even going so far as to buy an oven for their shared apartment's kitchen. His brownies are already beloved by the members and JYP staff. "Making something for someone and getting to share what I make… even a small compliment will make me feel relaxed and good about myself," he says.

Meanwhile, Bang Chan has a bad habit of "brainwashing myself into thinking that I'm not restless when I actually am." So he relies on the members, or "the kids" as he calls them, to help keep him in check. "Our first week of promotions was really tiring, but when I look on stage and see them — see Hyunjin, Changbin, Lee Know, see them all — it gives me a lot of strength. They make me feel at home." (The kids coo in jest beside him. "That's right!" Han shouts.)

Seungmin doesn't often feel anxious, but when he does there's nothing that a long walk and a good playlist can't fix. Lately, he's been listening to "Another Day." "Han surprised me [with this song]," the dynamic vocalist says. "I listen to it often, and it has inspired me a lot." Han, never one to pass up a compliment, replies, "Thanks, man."

While 3RACHA are largely responsible for crafting Stray Kids' music, the members are all integral to the process. "It's not 3RACHA's music, it's Stray Kids' music," Changbin says in English. "So the members' feedback is very important. I feel the best when they like it."

Case in point: "God's Menu." The group had originally recorded a different lead single, and they were in the throes of comeback preparations when Changbin played a demo of "God's Menu" for some of the members. According to Bang Chan, this happens a lot: "We go home, we play a demo, and we party to it." It's as simple as that. But then something unusual happened: Upon hearing "God's Menu," Hyunjin immediately knew he wanted to perform it. This was Stray Kids. The other members felt it too. "The lyrics expressed our music and confidence best," Changbin says in English, as his members cheer him on. ("Go, Changbin!" Bang Chan encourages.) "It's a song only Stray Kids could perform.”

And it was a theme that personally resonated with Bang Chan. "Back in the day, when we were releasing songs as 3RACHA, I always liked to relate my producing process with cooking and science," he adds. "It's just a really fun concept." (Astute fans might recall the 2017 3RACHA deep cut "Alchemistry," in which the industrious leader declares himself a "mad scientist.")

So 3RACHA went straight to the top — to the company's founder J. Y. Park — and asked if they could change the single to "God's Menu." They didn't expect much; the single had already been locked. To their surprise, however, JYP agreed with their judgement. And so have Stay: "God's Menu" is the group's fastest music video to reach 60 million views, and Go生 broke their previous first-week sales record.

"It's a really funny and very warm feeling knowing that he believes in what we do," Bang Chan says of JYP's support. "And it makes us want to try out even more of our various ideas."

Producer Mike Daley (Baekhyun's "Candy") experienced 3RACHA's creative process and various ideas first-hand in Los Angeles last May when Bang Chan, Changbin, and Han spent a day with him in the studio following the U.S. leg of the group's Unveil tour. They worked on two tracks, one of which would eventually become "Easy." Daley played an unfinished demo for the trio, and the reaction was immediate. "A few of the guys just started rapping," he tells Teen Vogue. Bang Chan workshopped the hook and melodies with a few of Daley's friends and collaborators, while Changbin and Han wrote the verses. "Spear [Changbin] and Han were in their own zone on their phones, writing," he recalls. According to Daley, Spear — a reference to Changbin's 3RACHA moniker SpearB — laid down the first verse, and the atmosphere was electric. "He was going crazy in the booth," he says. "It had a ton of energy. And that got everyone amped up to make the hook have as much energy as the verses were bringing."

Daley, a veteran of K-pop songwriting camps, was surprised by just how involved 3RACHA were in the studio. "They knew how to produce really well, so we were all arranging it together," he says. He also observed their teamwork. "It seemed like they each had their role and worked together well," he adds. "Spear and Han were focused on the verses, but when they heard a melody they liked, they'd look at Chris [Bang Chan]. They knew how to get the song done."

And that sense of creative autonomy isn't just exclusive to 3RACHA. Through self-produced digital projects like "SKZ-PLAYER," all of the members are encouraged to express themselves through their art. "It's a really good platform for us to showcase what we want to show Stay, something that they haven't seen before," Bang Chan says. In May, he surprised fans with "인정하기 싫어," which translates to "Don't Want To Admit," a vulnerable piano ballad that laid bare his heartache. Last year, Lee Know released "Dawn," a slinky dance performance he choreographed himself. Seungmin covered his favorite band, and fellow JYP artists, DAY6. "I am very grateful that we are able to sincerely connect with Stay through music," the floppy-haired vocalist notes. As for Changbin, he recently dropped "Streetlight," a solo track in which he wrestles with feelings of loneliness. And Hyunjin released his own video — a contemporary dance he produced and choreographed to Billie Eilish's "When The Party's Over." He titled it "Empty."

"I wanted to express a different feeling, one that I couldn't show through our own performances," the perceptive dancer says. He choreographed the piece to convey his longing to perform. That loneliness that comes at the end of a party, he says, is the same emptiness he feels when he leaves the stage. "That void I feel sometimes, I wanted to express that through choreography."

Han's "Close" was inspired by the 2004 film Closer, specifically its opening scene, in which a young woman locks eyes with a handsome stranger across the street. The idea of human connection, of seeing someone and wanting to know everything about that person, struck Han, especially at a time when people feel farther apart than ever. But it was too raw to share. "I didn't originally want to release 'Close.' I wanted to keep it to myself," he says. "But after showing it to the members, they encouraged me, and that motivated me to share it."

And they continue to share their artistry with Stay. Fans are getting an intimate look at the members' songwriting and melody-making prowess in "Two Kids Song," a web series that splits them into pairs and challenges each team to write, produce, and record an original song. For Stray Kids, the desire to keep learning and pushing themselves — as songwriters, as performers, and as young adults navigating the world around them — both inside and outside of the practice room, comes naturally. "We're artists," Bang Chan says. "It's right for us to express whatever we want through our creative process."

However, with unfiltered access also comes moments of real humility, a reminder that the relationship between idols and the community they foster isn't defined in scenes of uncritical loyalty and fan service, but rather in instances where they hold one another accountable. In a June livestream, Bang Chan reminded fans, "I don't want you guys to spread negative energy around. Stays, you guys are better than that." That sentiment was recently reciprocated when the group participated in a July variety show segment that many Black fans deemed racially insensitive. Stray Kids apologized in a personal statement posted to the members' shared Instagram account, in which they rejected all types of discrimination with a promise to do better by their fans everywhere around the world. "We are still lacking in many things and we are trying our hardest to become better," they wrote in Korean and English. "We would like to apologize to anyone if we have stepped on a rake. It was never our intention but due to our lack of understanding."

It's this honesty that resonates most with their fans. It's woven into heartfelt lyrics, tearful ending ments, social media posts, virtual hugs, home-cooked meals, and earnest reminders to deal with — not run away from — things that are difficult. It is the lens through which Stray Kids see themselves: never perfect, but always sincere. Mainly, it's how they expel their innermost thoughts and feelings, the joy and the agony of everyday life. Whether that's by working on music, or choreography, or refining a new dish, or bettering themselves, that's ultimately up for them to decide. It always has been. Their appetites are insatiable, after all. "The fact that we have the chance to make the music we want to make and talk about the things we want to talk about is really special," Changbin says. "It makes me more excited for what's next."

A day after talking to Teen Vogue, Bang Chan, Changbin, and Han set the KCON:TACT stage ablaze with an opening performance that showed the world just how hungry they are. “They always say the same excuses, while they’re complaining we’re producing," Bang Chan sings, the Auto-Tune heavy. "The passion I give it, nobody can kill." It's a bold statement for any group to make, especially one as young as Stray Kids. And yet, it's that measure of determination that's defined their careers since they were teens trapped on a hellevator with nowhere to go but up. One day they'll reach the penthouse. For now, they're learning to savor the ride and embrace the mess.

"We're going to enjoy this freedom," Bang Chan says, "and eventually we'll fly high."

#stray kids #200710 #ot8 #era: GO生 #t: article #t: interview #teen vogue

[join-the-joywrite]

Hamish & Vera soulmate au headcannons

Look at me, back on the vermish train

Okay so, you and your soulmate can communicate with each other telepathically. Most often, it's a conscious thing, you have to intend to do it. However (who doesn't love angst skjsjw) it can happen that during moments of intense fear or rage or even unfiltered joy -- so basically, overwhelmed, I guess -- you can project without even knowing.

Remember how I said I loved the idea that Vera's name isn't Vera? Yeah, we're going with that one here too. For the sake of making sure all of these in the same collection have similar facts to them, we're gonna say her name is Sophia.

Since she was like 4 or 5, Vera's been trying to talk to her soulmate. She's sure at this point that her soulmate is either deaf or dead. When Hamish is eventually capable of coherent thought, Vera tells him this. He thinks it's funny. She thinks it's rude that she had to wait so long to get some responses.

"The kids at kindergarten are being mean to me." "Tell them Sophia Stone can and will fuck them up." "You said a bad word! You thought a bad word!"

I like my childhood best friends turned lovers trope okay, so Vera and Hamish grow up "together" telling each other nearly everything.

When he's 12, Hamish realises that at this point, the age gap between them is pretty huge considering Hamish hasn't hit puberty yet while Vera's somewhere having a baby.

"Tell her I said hi." "She kicked me. I don't think she likes you." "She will."

When the little baby dies, Hamish hears nothing but Vera's choked sobs for days on end. He doesn't know what to do. He's just a kid himself -- so is she, to be honest -- but he does his best.

"I saw a shooting star. I'm sure that was her. Did you see it?" "The curtains are closed. Give her a wave from me?" "Of course, Soph."

When Vera packs up and leaves everything behind her, she leaves behind Sophia. She tells Hamish that she's changing her name but given that he refuses to stop calling her Sophia over every single name she suggests, she never actually remembers to give him her new one. Besides, Hamish knows every goddamn thing about her. As far as she cares, he can call her whatever the hell he wants.

Many many many years later, by the time Jack Morton has come to town, Vera still hasn't given Hamish her new name and Hamish has actually forgotten that she said she'd changed her name.

Chancellor Vera Stone knows that Hamish Duke is a TA at Belgrave. She wonders if that's her Hamish. Sometimes she wants to go up to him and strike a conversation. She's not sure what she's afraid of more: that he is or that he isn't.

If he isn't, then she's gone and shown affection. Besides that, she would have expectations and hopes and they'd all come crashing down.

If he is, then he's in a shitload of danger, given her position in the Order. Better to keep him unaware and safe. What he doesn't know won't hurt him.

Hamish thinks about telling his Sophia about the Knights. He never does. He'd already lost Cassie. He remembered all the times he lay awake at night, thinking about Cassie and then he would get so overwhelmed with how amazing she was, he'd eventually hear a voice in his head "SHUT THE FUCK UP SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO SLEEP"

After Cassie's death, if he thought to much about Cassie, the little voice in his head would be much more consoling and softer.

"I saw a shooting star. Do you think that was her?" "I saw two." And she would quieten, probably lost in her own thoughts about her daughter.

It was then, around the same time someone had murdered one of Vera's close friends in the Order, that they both mastered the art of keeping their thoughts to themselves. They could never let each other into the dangers and the death in their lives. They were both safer off never knowing the Knights or thr Order existed.

"Vera," Jack says several months after arriving and bringing the catalyst for a shitstorm, "this is Randall, Hamish, and Lilith. They'll try not to kill you."

Vera glares at them. The Knights of St Christopher, enemies to the Blue Rose. "I suppose I can try too."

"Well, that would be highly appreciated."

Vera wouldn't say she was an expert, but being part of a secret society that requires masks to be worn in certain circumstances, one has to have at least some level of skill in identifying voices. As the Temple Magus, it's no surprise that Vera is very good at identifying voices. And the voice that came out of that werewolf's mouth was the same one she'd been hearing in her head all her life.

Unfortunately, she didn't have the luxury of time to sit and talk about it.

Hamish doesn't notice. In his minimal defence, he's still convinced the voice in his head belongs to a Sophia.

Vera considered being the one to powder Hamish. Leader to leader. Soulmates. She won't admit it, but she chickened out. She didn't think she'd be able to do it if she looked him in the eyes without the threat of death around the corner.

Werewolf or not, Hamish was still the person she trusted most in the whole world. She was afraid that if she looked him in the eye, she'd break.

"When you hit Mr Duke with the pulveris memoriae, make sure you tell him [important stuff] and that his soulmate's name is Sophia." "Why is that important--" "are you questioning me, Medicum?" 0.0 "no, Grand Magus"

Selena wants to know why Vera knows the name of a werewolf's soulmate, but she really doesn't want to cross paths with Vera again.

"I feel like I'm missing something. I don't know what it is." "... are you wearing pants?" "You know that's not what I mean, Soph."

Guilt eats Vera up nearly every single day. He's safer this way, she tells herself. Away from the Order and all the dangers it brings.

When Lilith brews the potion to restore and protect their memories, Hamish is swarmed by every single conversation he ever had with Sophia and like a semi-trailer truck, realization strikes him.

"That bitch!" "Who?" "Uh . . . The Order." "Same"

Hamish doesn't say anything to Vera that he wouldn't normally, and he doesn't say anything to "Sophia" either.

"Bring me something in a tall glass." Hamish: oh you already fuckin know about this don't you, you little witch, I'll show you a tall glass akxnsnsb

Shenanigans ensue as Hamish tries to keep Vera and Sophia separate so that Vera doesn't figure that the Knights have their memories back.

"Hamish, who are you talking to?" "....Myself."

"Hamish, who's Sophia?" "..............no one." "Sure..."

"Mr Duke, are you talking to my floor?" Vera asks to break Hamish's concentration because she's trying very hard to reprimand Randall for something and it's not helping that Hamish's voice is in her head. "Not at all, Magus." Tight smiles as they refrain from attempting to maim each other while having a "normal" conversation in their heads.

Randall: what the fuck is all this eye sex about

OKAY BUT VERA WITH THE PROMETHEANS????

Hamish is on Foley's tail but he has to stop for a minute to catch his breath because every single moment of pain in Vera's life is screaming into the mind of every Promethean, but also his.

"Miss Dupres told me you let Foley get away earlier." "I did." "You didn't. What happened?"

Hamish wants to tell her what happened but he also doesn't want to shatter the fragile barrier between Sophia and Vera. Between the light-hearted joyous woman in his head and the broken and hardened leader in front of him.

"Nothing happened, Vera. He got away earlier. That's all."

All he wants is to hold her. For so many years, on the anniversary of the baby girl's death, he'd wished he could be there to give her a hug and hold her while she cries. Every year. And now, now she's standing right in front of him but he can't let her know. He can't let her know he knows.

Hamish watches her turn to leave. She shudders once before composing herself and starting to walk.

Fuck it.

Vera is startled when she finds herself trapped. Her first instinct is panic. Pure fear and terror. Then anger settles in because to her, as far as Hamish knows, he is a disciple of the Order. The anger barely lasts a second, though.

I saw a shooting star before I came down here. I gave her a hello from you

Vera just knows the voice was in her head and not out loud. She stands still as Hamish buries his face in her shoulder. "I miss her. Every single day. Today was . . ."

"I know."

"You know, I think she would have liked you, eventually," Vera whispers honestly. Hamish laughs. "Are you agreeing that I'm likeable? Werewolf hide and all?"

"Don't get greedy, Acolyte."

"What defines greedy, Magus? Stealing a kiss or two?"

"I'm warning you--"

No one believes the Acolyte that says she saw the Grand Magus furiously making out with one of the disciples. Well, not no one.

Randall waltzes into the den. "Guess what, Lame-ish? I heard that the teacher you've been thirsting over was seen with one of the disciples in the temple. According to the Acolyte, she--"

"Yes, I know, I was there."

"You saw them?!"

Raised eyebrow

"YOU WERE THEM????"

Mr Duke, if you say one more word to Mr Carpio, I will revoke your access to the reliquary and spread word that you got called out for being a nerd in fourth grade and your response was to recite positive synonyms for nerd to defend yourself.

Hamish snorts and won't tell Randall what was so funny.

and we have to stop here because if I go on, we'll head into angst territory and I've got too many happy vibes going on here to make it angsty without feeling sad myself.

Me: has 4 other drafts in here waiting to he completed and posted.

Also me: I'm gonna do another soulmate au set

See the other headcannons I've screamed about lately

#hamish x vera #hamish duke #vera stone #the order #the hermetic order of the blue rose #the knights of saint christopher #the knights of the blue rose #soulmate au #soulmates #please just give me the soulmate au i want #mara-writes

[your-brilliant-lady-m]

South Korean music industry at a glance: an outsider perspective

I watched one particular AMV last week. The song used for the video was “I’m afraid” by Korean rock band DAY6. I was pleasantly surprised as someone who values lyrics in song first and foremost. The music itself was great. I’ll listen to their songs again. It’s a nice fit for my music taste. Naturally, YouTube’s algorithm decided that I’m a fan of everything Korean after 1 video and started spamming my recommendations with k-pop songs, documentaries and everything in-between. 

I watched a couple of videos, listened to some songs and discovered fascinating patterns. So, I went down to the comment section. And it was rather interesting experience, should I say? The concept of entertainment industry in South Korea simply begged to be explored more after this. I dug deeper and visited Tumblr k-pop tags and briefly glanced upon Instagram and Twitter. And, oh...

I am a big picture person and I enjoy both studying and creating systems. This one was particularly fun to explore. I discovered a lot of new things for myself. Perhaps, you can discover something new for yourself too or take a step back and look at this from a new angle. 

Disclaimer: it’s impossible not to offend someone on Tumblr, so keep that in mind. That being said, I do NOT intend to insult of offend anyone. It’s just a little research done for fun, because I love research with a purpose. This post is NOT A HATE post. No hate intended for fans, artists or other people involved. It’s meant to be a discussion, nothing more and nothing less. If it sounds like hate, it’s just my sarcastic sense of humour.

Content Warning: I mention suicide, death, depression, rape in a couple of sentences. There’s nothing major or graphic, but it’s there. 

In this long post I decided to share with you my opinion, a so-called outsider perspective, on the world of music entertainment industry in South Korea and people involved in it on different levels. I use the word “outsider” mainly because, that’s exactly what I am in this case, as someone who is in no way involved in k-pop community. I can’t name you a single band or their members. I don’t know any solo artist and can’t neither sing nor name you any song. 

And to be completely honest, I don’t think I will set my foot into k-pop fan-circles ever again after everything I saw. 

Think of this as “In this essay I will...” meme, except there’s an actual essay.

As far as I know, in South Korea “k-pop” refers to all music produced in SK, including solo artists, various bands, singers-songwriters. It doesn’t even have to be pop music. Koreans include in this definition all genres of music. However, around the world “k-pop” means primarily music made by idol groups and bands marketed for children, teenagers and younger people. In this post I use the latter definition, because that’s how most people understand “k-pop” in other countries. Therefore, my statements, opinions and conclusions here would concern only idol music. 

The music industry in South Korea is heavily influenced by culture and traditions of the country, just like all things are. And there’s nothing wrong with that. After all, different backgrounds are what makes people so interesting and unique. However, when combined with consumer mindset, desire to generate profit at any cost and fast-paced nature of modern life these neutral cultural elements could produce something concerning, and it can lead to disastrous consequences. 

1. Idol

These people are called artists, musicians, singers, bands, groups, performers. In South Korea and in Japan, however, people call them Idols or Stars. I’ve also seen Muses, Princes and Queens. Interesting, isn’t it? The terminology used to describe these musicians in South Korea is one of the key elements in this whole entertainment system. You’ll see why.

But who or what is an idol exactly? Let’s take a basic definition from Wikipedia.

“In the practice of religion, a cult image or devotional image is a human-made object that is venerated or worshipped for the deity, person, spirit or daemon ... that it embodies or represents. In several traditions, including the ancient religions of Egypt, Greece and Rome, and modern Hinduism, cult images in a temple may undergo a daily routine of being washed, dressed, and having food left for them. Processions outside the temple on special feast days are often a feature. Religious images cover a wider range of all types of images made with a religious purpose, subject, or connection. In many contexts "cult image" specifically means the most important image in a temple, kept in an inner space, as opposed to what may be many other images decorating the temple.

The term idol is often synonymous with worship cult image. In cultures where idolatry is not viewed negatively, the word idol is not generally seen as pejorative, such as in Indian English.”

Cambridge Dictionary defines idol as follows:

And here’s the definition from Oxford Dictionary: 

This is a centrepiece of this tapestry. Surely, you have noticed by now what these definitions have in common. 

Idol = a cult image of a god, a deity 

By calling these musicians “idols” industry makes society and audience treat them in certain way, namely as gods. What characteristics do gods possess? They are beautiful, talented, funny, confident and graceful, blessed by eternal youth of immortality. Gods have no flaws, they do not bleed, they are above human concerns. They are an embodiment of perfection. They are stars, you could not reach. 

But real people are not like that. They can be sad and angry, insecure. People don’t have perfectly symmetrical faces. They can’t dance in sync without preparation. They can’t sing like angels at any given moment throughout the day.

What happens when idols accidentally reveal their humanity? What happens when people see, that they make mistakes and do stupid things, that they need to train hard to appear graceful on stage? 

I will tell you. And it’s not pretty. But, first, let’s look at other elements of this system. 

2. Y/N and Self-insert fantasy

Aside from the music, K-pop sells the self-insert fantasy to the audience. It’s carefully arranged to appear real, where the cracks are masked and every word is scripted. The reality is so vivid that one doesn’t even have to use imagination all that much, because all scenarios and decorations already exist. Countless interviews for TV and magazines, fan meetings, talk shows, reality shows made sure people are privy to all juicy details of personal lives and opinions of musicians. And also one word - merchandise. Some of that merch made me question my life choices. Some of it is, ah, creepy or has weird vibes. All of this provides plenty of material for people to work with. Fans can effortlessly imagine themselves beside their idols or even in their place. 

In a highly competitive society, where people throw themselves into studying and work since young age, forming deep and lasting connections with others is very hard, sometimes impossible. As a result, people long to have a group of close friends with similar interests, a loving partner who would cherish them endlessly. People want to be rewarded for their backbreaking efforts to succeed by the carefree life of fame and music, everlasting friendships and love. And in a way you can’t really blame them for his. 

Does this dream life sound familiar? We are looking at K-pop bands here. It doesn’t really matter if their members don’t always get along or that they can live in debt, that fame is fickle and adoring fans can tear your self-confidence to shreds. Audience wants the glamour of fantasy and the industry is more than happy to cater to these desires. 

Perhaps, knowing that even for idols this fantasy is sometimes unattainable makes the whole set up feel just a little cruel. 

3. Fans, stans and fandom culture

We’ve already established earlier that idols are gods in the eyes of people and listed traits they must possess. So, what else do gods need to exist? Worshippers. Because a cult is worth nothing without its followers. Gods need a group of people to worship them and spread their beliefs. The role of worshippers is performed by a fans in this case. 

Apparently, there is a running joke that girl groups need to win a general public popularity and boy bands need a big passionate fandom. It seems to be true according to my observations. 

In k-pop fandom people use the word “stan” to state that they like or support particular group. Now, I am sure everyone here knows that in other fandoms, dedicated to movies, shows, books and games there’s an important distinction between being a “fan” and a “stan”. What is it? 

A fan is someone who likes a ship or character, creates and/or consumes fandom content, supports certain ideas, discusses things they enjoyed and disliked, criticises canon. Stans, however, are a different breed. They engage in all typical fandom activities, but their support and enjoyment becomes obsession. Stans believe their favourite characters and ships are immune to criticism, that they are superior no matter what others say. Stans start shipping wars, send anon hate, death threats over fictional characters and hurt real people. Stans are considered toxic fans. And majority of normal civilised people don’t like them and try their best to let stans hang out in their echo chamber by themselves. 

In other fandoms and communities, to be a fan means to love, support and enjoy something, while to stan means to obsess over and hyperfixate on these same things. Words “I stan” rarely mean “I support” for most people, and if they do mean that, it’s only used in a joking manner (”We stan procrastination legend!”, “I stan our miscommunication kings”).

Everywhere else “stan” has only negative connotations, except in k-pop. But what has changed? What’s the difference? Why do international fans scoff at “shipper stans” and then turn around calling themselves “stans of X k-pop group” at the same time? Does it make you wonder? 

And this is another core theme of k-pop, in my opinion. In fandom where stan = obsession = support, you can see interesting patterns. 

Fandom loves their flawless gods. But watching them from afar is not enough for some people, because unlike deities in different religions, these gods live among us. People are very much aware of that. Industry has created a cult and laid the groundwork for worshippers to express their adoration in every way including personal contact. And who wouldn’t want to meet their god? Who wouldn’t want to know more about them or tell them how much you love them? In talk shows and fan meetings there is only so much one can do after all.

People desire to know more, to have more so much that their obsession transforms into concerning stalker tendencies. These crazy individuals follow idols, stalk them on social media, in hotels, research flight numbers, bribe security. Musicians were attacked and poisoned. I strongly suspect there were cases of rape that no one knows about. There is even a special term for these fans - “sasaeng”. 

Is there a definition for stalkers of actors or musicians in western world? No, I’m pretty sure there isn’t. They are just called “invasive/obsessive fans” or “stalkers”.

Also, there are sasaeng memes. Yeah, you heard that right. I enjoy some classy dark humour as much as the next person, but there is a fine line between normal and questionable. 

Back to the topic of stalkers. Do you realise how disturbing that is? Such behaviour is so common that there is a term for it. You create a fandom-cult, encourage people to worship k-pop idols as gods and then act surprised when members of said cult become fanatics and their adoration becomes obsession.

And it’s so easy to step on this slippery road. The system makes it ridiculously easy. Lines begin to blur. How much is too much? Where do you draw the line? 

While sasaeng fans engage in extreme real-life obsession, people online aren’t that far off, to be honest. I’ve seen it all: imagines, headcanons, fanfiction, real-person shipping, reactions. Real person shipping is a controversial topic. Some people support it, others don’t. I suppose I’m among those who don’t get it. I’m not exactly against it, but I find it strange. Mainly because it’s based on assumptions made by fans about personalities and behaviour of real people. 

Assumptions. Dear me! K-pop fandom has this thing with video compilations. I’ve never seen this phenomenon being so widespread in any other community or fandom. Basically people edit together a collection of short clips from talk-shows, interviews, Instagram stories, some YouTube videos, etc and then proceed to analyse every gesture, word, facial expression of idols and provide both audio and on-screen commentary. These videos and many other forms of similar analysis allow people to imagine what kind of personalities idols have, what kind of life do they live. It’s the source material for fanfiction, imagines and headcanons. 

But it’s not real. It’ll never be real. It’s an illusion, an image, a stage persona. They fall in love with a face and made up personality. And I think that when people create this content they can forget this. Fans can develop certain emotional dependence and unhealthy attitudes in the long run. In some YouTube comments even supportive and encouraging words sound whiny and obsessive. And semantics of being a “stan” of certain group or individual doesn’t help. 

4. Industry, companies and liars 

At last we arrive at the most important aspect of music entertainment industry - its creators.

Have you seen “The Road to El Dorado”? It’s one of my all time favourites. It has iconic characters, adult jokes that I didn’t get as a child and iconic soundtrack. I’ll quote “It’s Tough To Be A God” a lot here. 

In South Korea music industry is a factory, the production line to be exact. This kind of set up affects everything in the grand scheme of things. Companies and agencies play the role of training centres and record labels. And there are so many of them that a whole new scamming system developed based around fake idol agencies. It implies that there are people who fall for offers of these agencies and continue to do so. I suspect that victims must pay a fortune upfront before they realise their mistake. Are there any kind of legal protection against such scams? How can people verify the authenticity? Because a well masked scam can exist for a long time before someone discovers it and calls them out on their nonsense. 

As far as I understand legal companies work like this. After high school, which is often focused on performing arts (and private schools can get away with using talents of students for personal gain, which is totally not surprising), young people can audition for an agency and become an idol in training or idol-trainee. And passing audition is hard. But good recommendations can help, connections too. 

During training you don’t get paid. Only a few companies pay aspiring musicians. People can spend years in training and don’t debut. But rent, necessities, clothing and food (not that you need much of it, but more on that later) cost a lot. Where do you get the money to live then? Support from parents, one or two part time jobs at most and bank loans. Surprise! We found an unexpected (just kidding, it’s very obvious) party, who reaps benefits from the system. 

You need skill to be an idol. Natural talent helps too. The more skills you have, the cheaper and faster your training is. To level up your game you attend classes every month offered by your agency, which are not cheap (dance classes range from 400$ to 1000$ per month, sometimes more). There are four main categories in evaluation process: vocals, rapping, dancing and visuals. Idols are multitaskers, to have a chance on stage one must be perfect at everything. And people are ready to invest thousands of dollars into their kids training so that they could have a chance in entertainment industry. South Korea thrives on revenue k-pop industry generates every day.

Let’s pause here for a second and think about what kind of people come to these agencies. The answer is easy. People who have a dream, a desire, a real goal. You don’t wake up one day and decide to become a k-pop idol. Sometimes people get invited by agencies (after prior acting, modelling career or any other form of exposure). These people are usually very young. Some start straight after high school, some after university, but 25 years old is considered a late start. Compare that to western musicians who start singing at any age and still become famous. 

But why this age limit? Because idols are eternally young. So that in public eye musicians are remembered as 20 year old gods. People would listen to their music and imagine a young attractive face. Career in k-pop is short, it lasts 5-7 years, rarely longer than that. It’s even less than modelling or acting can offer. And professional sportsmen retire in their late 30′s. Some play longer, but usually, that’s it.

If you live in Los Angeles and say that you want to be an actor or performer, no one would bat an eye. It’s like saying that you want to be an engineer or accountant. Similarly, in South Korea becoming an k-pop musician is a real career. Because part of the self insert fantasy that the industry sells is the idea that anyone can be an idol. It’s easy after all. Anyone can pass auditions and become a trainee. A trainee with no guarantee of debut. But one should never underestimate the power of idol-dream. After all, idea is the most resilient parasite.   

“My friends started training in kindergarten. They have wanted to become idols since young”

“A lot of young kids get interested in Korean music” 

A 6-year old child sees the performance of k-pop group for the first time on TV. Let’s say it’s a girl. She is enraptured and decides that she will be like that too someday. She grows up, while being part of the fandom, just like all idols are in one way or another and whose fan-obsession transforms into desire to succeed. Her parents spend time and money to find her tutors, to fund dancing and singing classes. Perhaps in high school this girl decides to fix the shape of her eyes and make nose straighter. She trains hard and passes the auditions in her dream agency. And during training this girl faces the reality of behind the scenes life in music industry.

“Why are you crying? I’m not even pushing you”

“How many times have I told you? The rest are doing it perfectly”

“She is dancing like an elementary school student“

“I watched your performance as a spectator who bought a ticket to your concert. I want a refund“

“You make my ears hurt. I don’t want to listen at all”

“Listening to you was tiring”

“I’ll kick you out instead. You won’t debut”

“I thought I was going to die. That’s how determined I was” 

While I do understand that keeping a high quality standards in media industry is important, there are more productive and healthy ways to motivate someone to improve and be more passionate, you know? Constantly insulting people with sadistic glee and putting them down at every opportunity or calling them ugly to their face doesn’t do much. 

Do you think that children know about this? Do they know about soulless teachers and belittling managers? Do they know about friends who are really your competition, so you shouldn’t get attached? Do they know about living in debt? Do they know any of this? No, I don’t think they do. 

Children dream about the stage, about the sea of lights and crowds who chant your names. They want adoring fans and photoshoots. They want to appear on TV and magazine covers. Teenagers want the thrill of performance, they want to share their music and dancing with others. 

“I don’t know how many times I cried alone”

The truth is cruel. But they won’t give up easily even if it means sleeping 4-5 hours and consuming no more than 500 calories per day. Because giving up means that your whole life was a lie. One can’t afford not to be good enough. Giving up means admitting that all efforts and money your family invested into your dream were in vain. It means losing face before your family and friends - a fate worse than death. Imagine living this idol dream and building your whole future around it and then being told that you’ll never debut because of the circumstances outside of your control or something minor, like face shape or 1 kg of weight that your body refuses to lose. It can break you. Especially if you are like 18 or something. 

5. “And who am I to bridle if I'm forced to be an idol If they say that I'm a God, that's what I am”

“I don’t think there’s anything a tough as being a trainee in Korea”

Once you are a trainee at the agency your personal life does not belong to you anymore. You can’t go out without permission of the agency. You phone is taken away. Your diet and weight are monitored. Bad habits are not allowed (no smoking, drinking or drugs). Oh! I think I found the good thing in the system! Unfortunately, it won’t last. Trainees can’t date or meet with family without permission of agency. Dating is very taboo. Even established idols can’t openly date. 

Why is that? Because gods can’t belong to anyone. Their lives are property of the fandom. Because openly dating idols destroy the self-insert fantasy. There was a former idol girl who dated another musician. She was called a whore by her fans, her loving and adoring stans. You might know who I am talking about. Would you call an American actor or singer a prostitute for dating someone?

Trainees sign the contract. And how can a young person straight out of school or university know much about what makes a good contract in entertainment industry or what makes a good contract in general? Even if you do understand the terms fully you would still sign it because if you have come so far, you can’t let your dream slip this easily. There isn’t a choice. Not really. If you want to debut, you will agree to anything.

What about life after debut? You have to pay off your loans. And company takes 60-70% of your group’s earnings. Artists themselves get 30-40% and split it between themselves. K-pop groups have from 5 to 10 members or more than that. Each person gets less than 6%. Idols are not filthy rich. They are not. These earnings are practically nothing compared to the work you have put into this. 

Idols are musicians, who often don’t even write their own songs, music or create choreography. But if public doesn’t like the song and musical number the company created, they blame idols for the failure. Such an amazing logic we see right here. But people say that sharing music is the best part of idol life. But whose music? 

Models on catwalk are not there to demonstrate their physical beauty, they are blank canvas for works of clothing designers. Same with k-pop musicians. They act like puppets in a way, whose faces and voices are used to show audience someone’s music and songs. Some groups do write their own music and lyrics and it’s nice to know that. But those, who don’t are rather unfortunate. It’s a nice tool of psychological control and pressure for an agency. They can hold it over group and use the following rhetoric: “We gave you everything! Why can’t you follow the simple instructions” or “Where would you be without us? It’s not even your music!”

I called k-pop industry a factory. That’s true. Dozens of people become trainees every year. These talented young people are fully prepared to do anything to achieve their goal. They are ready to practice until they collapse, starve themselves and pour themselves into every song. Companies know that. Tell me why would they value their idols as individuals, as people, as human beings if they always have a replacement? Why bother with mental health of their artists if next year they could have a fresh set of people, who are younger and prettier? Why try to improve relationships inside groups if you could fire any member and replace them within a month or two?

In western countries famous bands have different stories. Some were friends since high school, who played in bars and during festivals and then they were noticed by some representative of label company, who offered them a contract. Some groups were formed by like-minded people who bonded and decided to share their music with the world. There are many stories, but ultimately the have one thing in common. Bands in the West often form themselves. These people had time to bond, connect, discover each other, solve some disagreements and learn to work around their differences. 

K-pop groups are formed by their agencies. They are their property in a way. Company selects the best and puts together these total strangers, appoints the leader with marketable face and personality and then expects them to work together like a well-oiled machine. No one has time to bond during training, because other people are you competition, not friends. And then you must learn to work as a team and be best friends on camera for the audience to support the self-insert fantasy. It’s no wonder that k-pop groups don’t get along sometimes. And every member knows that they are replaceable. It doesn’t help in forming connections. Groups can’t just terminate contract and go to work with another agency. I heard it happens sometimes, but it’s not a done thing. Unlike in other countries where bands just sign the deal with a different label and release their music under their name if they don’t like the old conditions. 

“It's tough to be a God But if you get the people's nod Count your blessings, keep them sweet, that's our advice Be a symbol of perfection Be a legend, be a cult Take their praise, take a collection As the multitudes exalt Don a supernatural habit We'd be crazy not to grab it So sign up two new Gods for paradise”

But is it really a paradise?

Idols are expected to act cute, to match personalities created for them by fans or media. They have to act according to the concept of their group. They have to be a symbol of perfection: skinny, single and with a face perfected by surgery. They are allowed to mess up, but only in a cute way. They can break down and cry, but only if it’s “aesthetic”.

Weight issues are a separate topic. Sometimes I wonder whether managers in companies understand how weight loss or human body in general works. To be honest, I think that scales in agencies are rigged. And only managers know that. I know it can be done from personal experience. Some beach resorts tweak their scales and make them show 4-6 kg less than actual weight, so people wouldn’t get upset if they gain some. There is no way a girl as tall as I am (173 cm) could weigh like 47-50 kg and be able to perform complex choreography on stage and sing without being out of breath, visit the gym on a regular basis and generally function as a normal human without fainting every other day.

“I developed a lot of eating disorders”

“I think I consumed about 300 calories today“

“Someone, please, trim the fat off her arms”

If you grow up thinking of idols as gods and then, when you become one of them you think that you must act as one too. But being an easily replaceable god is a heavy burden. The industry, companies and audience want you to be perfect, to always be on your best behaviour. And the thought of not being good enough or divine enough terrifies you, because stans have no mercy (black ocean concept is the most stupid thing ever by the way). This kind of pressure can destroy even the most resilient. And it does. 

Almost everyone knows that situation with mental health in South Korea is not the best to put it lightly. In many ways it’s a cultural thing. But in k-pop mental health issues are treated with even less care. Gods are not supposed to be depressed or suicidal. They are not supposed to have fears or insecurities, can’t be upset or angry. They try hard to be this deity, this image. So, even when they realise they need professional help or even a friend to talk to, they either won’t seek said help or reach out only to be met with silence. Some agencies disapprove or forbid therapy altogether. 

Sometimes fandom becomes self-aware.

“Don’t forget that idols are people too!”

“Your favourite idols are running out of breath just to keep you entertained“

“They are humans, who have feelings!”

Oh, but here’s the thing, my friend. The industry doesn’t want you to think of them as people. Companies and media repeatedly reinforce the idea that they are not people, they are your idols. And strangely enough, the audience supports this idea. People continue to call them idols, developing worshiping tendencies in the process, imitate them, scrutinise their flaws and triumphs. Because, you know, only “real and ordinary humans” can have flaws, not “idols”.

So people who say “they are human too” and people who say “wow, this concert was amazing, but vocals in the beginning were so off-key, I simply can’t” are one and the same.

This thought process would have been funny if it wasn’t so disappointing. But that’s just my observation.

And here’s another thing about sexualisation. I said before how appearances are everything, marketable face and body could drastically improve your chances to succeed. Companies know about this too and concepts and aesthetics of groups are designed accordingly. Girls are dressed in skimpy outfits, their dances are unnecessary suggestive, they wear heavy make up and try to have “mature” vibes. Boys don’t avoid such objectification either: suits, tight pants and dress shirts along with make up and hairstyle to give audience a promise of the things to come. Grown adults are not supposed to lust after 15-17 year olds. You can’t just create a sexy stage persona for teenagers. Do you remember my earlier words about creepy merch? Yeah. All of it neatly plays into the self-insert fantasy and encourages obsessive behaviour. 

This happens in western countries too. In some way that’s understandable. Beautiful and sexy image with a hint of innocence attracts more people and sells, because it caters to one of the base human instincts. But some things make your skin crawl. 

Sponsorships are another topic. Some k-pop bands seek out sponsors to provide financial aid and cover expenses, when earnings are not enough. Sometimes these sponsorships are fine, perfectly civil. But sometimes it’s a prostitution. Girl groups receive money and provide sexual favours to their patrons. It’s a way for the group to gain financial support and even find new opportunities in the industry. Companies can encourage such deals. Let that sink in for a moment. 

6. “Any advice to those who want to become a k-pop idol?”

A lot of former idols and trainees have similar responses to this question. 

“I don’t want to discourage anyone, but think twice”

“You only see the glamorous side, but don’t see all the hard work that goes into it”

“It’s not what you think”

“They think ‘Since I am good looking and can sing and dance really well, maybe I should become an idol?’, but there is much more to it“

“They think it’s something that is easy and will keep their family set for life financially”

And this implies that most people don’t know what kind of lifestyle k-pop stars truly have, despite the amount of information available online about “behind the scenes” proceedings.

7. Moving on

I am a practical person and every decision I make is subjected to scrutiny. And after seeing everything I can't help but wonder whether idols believe it's truly worth it. What keeps the industry alive is the idol-dream, the wilful ignorance of its reality and youthful idealism, the beautiful naïve belief that it'll get better, even if it never does in the end.

Sure no one would ever admit it out loud, because it's one of those things you never say on camera, no matter how sincere you have to be. It's the matter of professionalism after all, and idols have it spades. And also, because admitting this would equal admitting that you spent your best years doing something you both loved and hated, admitting that this was a mistake.

When you grow up in a society where appearances matter the most, where saving face and being polite is more important than staying true to yourself, where individuality is tolerated only to a certain point, it takes a lot of courage to admit that you need a break. I greatly respect those who decided that idol lifestyle is not for them and moved on.

8. Conclusion

To sum up, I hope you enjoyed my small research and this perspective, since you have read it all the way to the end.  

You have noticed that entertainment industry is an intricate system and its every component makes sure nothing changes. Companies have power over idols and audience, fandom has power over idols and their careers, and musicians themselves have fame and their music, but not always the promised fortune or happiness. 

It’s important to understand the big picture to draw your own conclusions and encourage positive and heathy attitudes in fandoms. Being open minded and allowing people to make mistakes and live their lives the way they want to is a part of being a decent person. People don’t owe anything to others. Art is about sharing your thoughts and feelings, promoting ideas and spreading beauty. It’s not always about money. And I think that this is what k-pop lacks as an industry. It turned dreams and human need for self-expression into business. Here everything is turned into a product. Everything idols touch can be sold, sometimes literally. Industry created problems, which can’t be solved anymore, because doing so would topple the system. And I find it tragic. Trapped in an endless chase after perfection creators of k-pop forgot that beauty lies in the eye of the beholder. 

If you take a look at comment sections and posts on different platforms, what will you see? What kind of things resonate with audience? What makes people laugh and cry? When people start to appreciate the substance?

“Everyone needs to hear this song in their darkest moments”

“Thank you for your music!”

“They always deliver! These guys can’t make a bad song!”

“It inspired me to write again!”

“Their songs brought me and my sister together once again”

“This is what happens when you let groups write their own music - they make incredible things”

“They really are legends of k-pop! I love that they are not afraid to show their inner strength”

“Stay strong! You rock!”

I believe that the answer is quite simple: when it’s real, sincere. It’s all about the message you choose to send to your audience, because only superficial things cause obsession. When you say that the sparkly façade is all that matters, then that’s the only thing people will ever care about. Your audience will never give a damn about the meaning behind dancing, music or lyrics, if you tell them that performance is more important. No one would praise WHAT k-pop idols sing, instead they would prefer wasting breath to criticize HOW they sing or look or move. 

I dare the k-pop industry to prove people that it’s not just about looks or perfection, or laser shows, or being a branding machine. Prove to your fans that k-pop artists are also passionate people with big dreams and talent, who love every moment of their job, who live and inspire, who are human just like us and whose humanity is real!

Do it, you cowards!

And now, I’m finished. I can hear the raging crowd of k-pop fandom in the distance, which means it’s time to hide. See you some other time! 

#k-pop #korean music #k-rock #k-pop idol #k-pop meta #k-pop discussion #k-pop fandom criticism

[lordsalehi]

ʻ   / wow ,   i am so excited  to introduce berlin sari to  our current  students at cape  coral . she  is  extremely  excited to  join  track and field & honors society.   coming  in as a  twenty two year  old sophomore  ,  they  shouldn’t  worry about  fitting in .   the cis female  scorpio  has  always  reminded  me of medalion rahimi  , but  some people  don’t see it .   trying to keep the  fact that she’s the side piece of a cape coral parent   from  getting  around this  school is going  to be tough . no  worries , though ,   cape coral will create  a new life for them , i  assure you . ʼ  

my momma used to say ‘baby make me proud’, you’ve got such a pretty face, but such a dirty mouth

NAME — berlin avery salehi.

NICKNAMES — n/a?

PRONOUNS — she/her.

AGE & DOB — 22 & november 8, 1997.

PLACE OF BIRTH — lewiston, maine.

NATIONALITY — american.

MAJOR — music and audio engineering.

EDUCATION — prev. parker community college, now cape coral international.

CLUBS — honors society, track & field.

* background overview !

so for ten years, it was berllin, her older brother, her mom, and her dad. everything was honestly pretty normal, he worked as a bank teller and her mom was an elementary school teacher. 

when she was ten, her mom was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and began treatment, it was in the middle of her moms chemo treatments that her dad decided he was done and left the three of them on their own. 

her older brother was stuck taking care of them both, berlin helped where she could, but it wasn’t exactly in the means of income. 

her mom did go into remission, but later it came back when berlin was 15. as soon as she turned 16, it was her brothers turn to leave them, claiming he was tired of it.  

from then on, she taught both piano and guitar lessons to anyone who was willing to let her teach as a means to support herself and her mom. 

music was and always has been a massive part of her life and was one of the few things she used as an escape when everyday life was just Too Much, so getting to teach others was something she really liked to do. 

when she was 18, one of her student’s parents had taken an interest in her and invited her over for dinner where they offered her the opportunity to be with them. she said yes and began her secret relationship, mostly using the money they gave her to help pay rent and for groceries, or if it was things, then it allowed her to use the money from lessons for other things. 

she was taking classes at pcc mostly online so that she had more time to be at home, but when the parents she was dating mentioned that the school their child was attending, cape coral, was offering a scholarship they encouraged her to apply. 

* personality !

god she is... kind of a mess. 

like being bitter is probably one of her defining personality traits, and it’s not even towards rich people bc of their money or anything, she’s just like bitter that THIS is the life she ended up with.

she can definitely sit and just have a normal conversation without chewing someone’s head off but she never really seems particularly cheery.

she’s one of those people that likes to run to blow off steam, which isn’t the worst thing in the world, but she’ll leave and go running at like 2am bc she’s stressed. 

is a hardass and thinks she’s like top shit even though she has absolutely no reason to be? thinks because she doesn’t directly “engage” or involve herself in drama that she’s better than everyone

is NOT afraid to call you out on your bullshit bc she really doesn’t have time to deal with it at all 

really, keeps a lot of people at a distance and doesn’t really like getting close to people because they can just leave whenever they want to. and she’ll never admit it but she doesn’t want to get hurt.

she’s double majoring in music (basic she knows) but in audio production as well, eventually she wants to produce music, whether it’s someone else’s or her own.

prefers to keep her private life mostly private? like what and how much she shares honestly just depends on her mood.

* character tropes !

so i was thinking and really, she’s a bit of the Corruptor. which sounds bad, but it’s kinda like, she’s so far up her own ass she thinks she’s better than everyone and that people need to be brought down from their pedestals and clouds. so she tends to poke at people until they show their worst sides, or sides they don’t necessarily like very much. i also saw a little bit of the Femme Fatale in her too, just because she’s gorgeous (duh) and fully uses that to her advantage when she can, like the affair turned sugar daddy/baby situation she has with one of the cape coral parents.

* playlist !

kings — tribe society:

i’ve been through the darkest of caves and suffering one hundred  steps off the end of the road painted with passion, my favorite color hope i’m alive when the story gets old we could be free 

this goes with both her personality and her past tbh. she’s really headstrong and not afraid to take the lead on anything she’s passionate about, but also won’t let anyone else sway her opinion on anything, like at all. it’s like trying to push a round stone up a hill. when looking at her past, it’s not anywhere near rainbows and butterflies. her dad left her family when she was really young, and her mom has been sick with recurrent cancer for years. for a while, her older brother helped take care of her and their mom, but when she turned 16 he left, leaving her to fend for the both of them. as awful as it sounds, all she wants is to be free of everything that’s held her down, she feels bad for wanting out, but she’s so tired of it all now.

monsters — ruelle:

one misstep, you’re mine and you better stay clever if you wanna survive once you cross the line you’ll be wishing you would listen  when you meet your demise 

funnily enough, this isn’t really as serious as it should be. the vibe IS her, i’ll tell you, but this is really where the Scott Disick comes in. like she’s very take no shit but will definitely call you out on your shit. more of a if you make yourself look stupid, or give her the chance to roast/call you out, she will and isn’t really worried about what’s going to come from it. not her fault it could expose or embarrass you for any reason!

something to hold on to — the band camino:

do you ever think of me? after everything give me something to hold on to  i need just a little piece  i’ll take anything 

so this, two things as well. i know the song’s a breakup song but it’s kinda at her dad and brother for just up and leaving her and her mom, kinda like the one time she’ll show any vulnerability is when she really wishes they had stayed. but also, she’s really musical, it’s her one escape and this is probably the style of music she likes to listen to and play.

* aesthetics !

sneaking out at 2am, vintage t-shirts, scrunchies, the satisfaction of snoozing the alarm clock, worn combat boots, long sleepless nights, calloused fingers pulling at guitar strings, quiet sounds of piano, an exhausted body finally laying down to sleep, black coffee, backhanded compliments, stone cold stares, the lure of seduction.

* character inspo !

scott disick (kuwtk) , rebeca de bormujo avalos (elite) , jade west (victorious)

* wanted plots !

i’m still not any better at coming up w plots so this is the Same

general friends: honestly some from childhood, some from high school, others from college, give me New friend with the people coming on scholarship, anything

best friends: someone that’s been by her side for years, someone she’d literally trust with her whole life

ride or dies: honestly what it says, maybe like one or two of them that have been through the thick and thin of it but still have a really strong friendship in the end?

confidant: honestly, probably someone she’s close with, but doesn’t see on a regular basis? 

better influence: someone who can teach her to let go and ease up more, and to not be so angry all the time

exes ( good, bad, anything in between ): you know the drill, hit me with the good angst. (male, female, nb)

roommate: rent ain’t cheap! 

hook ups: you also know this drill, but this is pretty much all berlin does (male, female, nb)

#capecoral:intro #/. intro

[fantroll-purgatory]

Heya, this is my first time submitting IIRC!! so like. please be gentle

I don’t actually have a finished drawing of this character yet, I’ll have to work on them later. Is that ok? If I show you their design in a separate post after I’ve finished the art of them? Sorry its just. i really want to hear your thoughts on her personality and such

Of course it’s alright! We take trolls without drawn design concepts all the time. You can definitely send them in later! I’m always happy to review a good character! 

World: Ouranos, a troll planet that orbits a red dwarf, and is tidally locked-one side always faces towards the sun, and the other side faces away. Unlike Alternia, Ouranos has never had any seadwelling trolls, and all the castes simply run from red to purple. All trolls are de jure equal, after a long and bloody history of subjugation under many tyrannical rulers, but this de jure equality hardly matters due to wealth and resource disparities that prevent historical lowbloods from holding any sort of power. Trolls on Ouranos don’t inherently live longer if they have bluer blood, but wealth disparities means that higher bloods can essentially live as long as they want while lowbloods suffer and die within just a few dozen sweeps. I like this world setup a lot! It expands upon some extant questions about Alternian society, too, like if part of the lifespan disparity is simply caused by lack of access and difference in labor expectations. You should think about details of this planet like: Is this just the planet they’ve always lived on in your AU? Or is it a colony planet established by the Condesce? Or is it a forgotten planet that the trolls we are familiar with lived on Before moving to Alternia and there’s been a convergent evolution despite the planetary separation?  Name: Elapea Serpen (Serpen comes from the suborder Serpentes, which defines all snakes, while Elapea comes form Elapidae, a family in Serpentes that contains sea snakes and coral snakes, the two kinds of snakes she is based off of. she isn’t exclusively based off of elapids though, she has some elements of boas as well: see her strife specibus)

I love this a Lot for a character themed around being a landdwelling creature diving into the water.  Age: 5 Sweeps

Theme/Story: So Elapea is kind of a Meenah/Feferi figure on Ouranos- she is the descendant of the Imperial Devourer, the last empress of Ouranos before she was overthrown by a gang of lowbloods. She actually knows this, as her caretaker (who is another troll instead of a lusus) is a very old highblood who was alive during the reign of the Imperial Devourer.

Backstory out of the way, Elapea is basically a weird conspiracy theorist. You remember how I said Ouranos has no seadwellers? Elapea believes they actually do exist, and they’re controlling the entire planet from the shadows, or something. (This was inspired by the story of cults like the Illuminati, or the lizard people conspiracy theory, but I only realized how antisemitic those stories were, so like. I’m trying to think of a way to have it so that she can still believe seadwellers exist and control the planet without it resembling any of those antisemitic conspiracy theories). As such, Elapea dives deep into the ocean to try and hunt down and kill seadwellers, enamored with the idea that by killing them all she could become worshipped by trollkind, or something. She never finds any seadwellers of course (not for a while at least), just a bunch of monsters.

Due to pressures from her now old (898 sweeps exactly) caretaker, who is kind of not great at doing his job and tries to grow her into an extremely strong troll who can rule the planet like her ancestor, she has taken to pitch romanticizing the idea of a seadweller, simply because she thinks she has to. (This part needs working out as well, i want it to be like. uncomfortable. but i also want it to be clear that i dont condone that kind of thing in kids like her? bc once again she’s only five sweeps old and i just realized that this doesnt actually go well with what her caretaker tries to shape her into what do i dO (actually what if i made it so that her caretaker wanted to enforce a traditional notion of femininity that’s akin to our sense of toxic masculinity, simply under a matriarchy as opposed to a patriarchy? that might work)).

Ok I realize I got back into backstory, so one more thing. Elapea is extremely dramatic, akin to a theater kid. Once again, she wants to be a superhero, so she sort of plays out everything she does like she’s in a play and the whole world is watching. She wants to be the protagonist of a story.

I love that you’re actually thinking about the sensitivity implications of these kinds of things, it’s always encouraging to see writers thinking about and researching the backgrounds of this. Wrt the illuminati and snake people thing, the simplest solution is to just try to avoid drawing any kind of aesthetic or cultural similarities to it. You can’t let Ouranos have the same kind of Hype around Illuminati conspiracies or the same degree of online jokes about the ‘lizard people living among us’ premise. I think your safest bet overall is to avoid Any kind of “shadowy cabal of noble people destroying the world,” because that almost always has antisemitic roots unless you’re very careful about it and most non-Jewish people just aren’t going to be able to achieve that kind of nuance without a Jewish sensitivity reader. 

Maybe if you wanted to play on her Hero Bent, you could dive more into an Atlantian/Cosmic Horror (Lovecraft Don’t Interact)/Greek Hero sort of angle? I know that’s an odd sort of mishmash, but instead of her believing seadwellers are some kind of String-Pulling Clique, she could believe more in Furthest Ring style interpretation of seadwellers who aren’t so much controlling the world as they are driving the world mad. You could give her a very classic-style Dive Into The Underworld To Fight A God style vibe. Read about Katabasis.

As for the Bad Guardian thing, I can say that you could probably push the relationship angle effectively without straying into ‘too weird’ territory by having the Guardian try to remind her that a strong leader “HAS” to have strong quadrants backing her and trying to like set her up on dates with other highbloods. You can make it obvious that this has a significant impact on her view of relationships, like having her waffle between believing in true love(s) and thinking of romance as a purely political tool, of her straining between wanting to make her guardian proud/wanting to date nobly and wanting to pursue her own happiness. 

So make that a clear reflection of the pressures her Guardian puts on her in general. Everything is performative, everything is in pursuit of her political aims, everything is so that she can take her proper throne, the Lonesome treats her not as a person but as a tool, as a potentiality, and she is not allowed to be herself in any ways. If you want to keep the Seadweller Fantasy, maybe you could do something that a lot of Abused Kids experience- maybe she experiences the Shape Of Water effect. Daydreams about finding a monster partner who will take her away from the pressures of modern society. 

Goals: Basically, to make sure i can solidly lock her backstory into one that isn’t like. really antisemitic and also somewhat pedophilic? because frankly i dont want people to think im saying its ok to ship literal children or something and like. how do i get that across, that this kid is really not treated very well by her caretaker (ill just say his title, it’s Assassin Lonesome. he’s a pretty edgy dude but i wont get too much in detail with him). Also, I need a fair bit of help with a quest? and also to try and develop who she *really* wants to be and the dichotomy with how her caretaker *wants* her to be.

I think you don’t have to worry about two characters who are the same age dating or having feelings- that’s normal for 15 year olds to do. You should definitely just make it obvious that you don’t think adults should have a hand in children’s relationships the way the Lonesome tries to. As I said above, press on the fact that the Lonesome really puts the weight of her ancestor over her and tries to force her to fit a mold and a role, maybe indicate that he objectifies her/treats her more as a weapon or tool than as a person with her own goals. We’ll get into what SHE wants to be when we get down to personality/interests, etc. Strife Specibus: Elapea uses a Kusarigama, a kind of scythe-on-a-chain weapon, apparently said to have the highest mortality of any weapon of its time. i actually just found that out as i wrote this, i just thought they fit the theme bc she’s a snake. anyways if you dont know they basically have a scythe on one end and a heavy weight on the other end of the chain, and the idea is that you swing the weight end to bind someone in place and then use the scythe to go in for the kill, which is both somewhat representative of how snakes in general bite their prey to kill them, and also how boas in particular will wrap their bodies around their prey to strangle them.

That’s definitely a COOL weapon to use and is fitting themeatically for the snake concept. I do worry about its utility in water, though. She wants to die into the sea and hunt seadwellers, right? A spear or harpoon might end up being the more functional weapon for her in the end… But there’s nothing that says she couldn’t have two strife specibi, one for on land and one for at sea.  Fetch Modus: Elapea uses the Locket Modus; whenever an item is captchalogued, the two halves of its essence are split up between two halves of a heart, diamond, spade, or club locket, and she keeps one half while the other half goes to someone close to her. (they dont have to necessarily be in quadrants, like often times they go to Mullen, who is essentially just her little brother, or to Assassin Lonesome) She can only get the item out by meeting with the person who has the other half of the locket, and combining the lockets. Shenanigans then ensue from this, esp since she has one locket which she has no idea how she got and no idea who holds the other half and it contains a legendary super powerful juju that i can’t get into right now.

Okay, that’s a super cute modus idea that I love the idea and implications of. Always make all your choices together! It also does have the stressful implications, of course, of the idea that the Lonesome in some ways controls her behavior/what she is allowed to do. Dual Purposes!  Blood Color: Purple Symbol and Meaning: 

https://imgur.com/LnlLu0g

(i cant figure out how to embed images mshjbvbxchj) basically it’s a uhh. its a snake. this was my first fanmade sign like, ever, and i love it

It looks great! And fits the purple sign language very well. 

Handle:

 serpentineBloodthirst (SB) (All of my fantrolls and fankids have element symbols for their chat handles, so Elapea’s respective element is antimony, an element traditionally associated with things like femininity and makeup, referencing how elapea is basically supposed to be a queen, but it also- wait no it was tellurium that smells really terrible. i cant remember a lot of its properties tbh)

Well, antimony comes from a root that basically means “Monk-Killer,” so that’d be fun to play with. Out here killing/almost killing a seadweller monk.  

serpentineBloodthirst feels a little too obvious, though. It’s a direct statement of some of her themes and her goals, but it doesn’t tell you much about her character, what she values, or what she’s interested in. Imagine if Kanaya’s handle were something like vampiricFashionista, for example. Remember- the characters pick their handles for themselves. Is this how she would describe herself? You could go with something funner, like slitheringBrutaliberation, with brutaliberation being a portmanteau of Brutality and Liberation, since she thinks she’s being a hero. 

Quirk:

 Elapea opens every line with “~~~< ” and every one of her s’s is replaced with “SSS”. i made this before i learned how common the double s quirk is, so i’m glad it goes the extra mile of not just turning “as” into “ass”, but going so far as to turn it into “aSSS”

Hey, snakes hiss, it’s a good quirk to use. Maybe you could also have her end threats with “vv” (they’re her fangs). ex: ~~~< dont try me unlesss you want to get bit vv 

Special Abilities:

 None (or at least she can’t use psychic powers. Trolls on Ouranos have long ago lost their psychic powers, so all she can really do is punch people and stuff. She’s also a really good swimmer, so you could count that i guess)

Lusus/Guardian:

 once again, trolls on Ouranos don’t have lusii! instead, Elapea has a “caretaker”, who is an older troll who adopts them like a parent. Once again, her caretaker is Assassin Lonesome, who tries to raise her to be like her ancestor, lethal and cold, so that she can continue the tyrant tradition of the bygone days of Ouranos.

Interests:

 Unsure how much of this i accidentally explained in the theme section, once again Elapea loves drama and stories of great heroes, and as such everything she does takes on an incredibly dramatic flair to please whatever Providence watches over her. She is highly interested in romanticism, though really not at all ready for its highs and lows yet.

Elapea also really likes to swim! She goes out into the ocean hunting for seadwellers, and likes to take thrill in slaying the monsters that lurk in the waters, risking life and limb in a dark space where even the luxury of breathing is taken from you, simply for the thrill. This does not concern Assassin Lonesome at all as he is, as has been established multiple times now, an idiot who cannot raise children.

Now I’m going to go ahead and spoil my classpect discussion here when I say I almost think making Elapea a heart player is going to be too obvious. I Mean I think it’s definitely still something you could go with and justify solidly, because she does have a core conflict about her identity and who she is as well as relationship problems, but I feel like that’s such a problem that isn’t only internal to her but is also external- it’s not her being wrapped up in her own head about it, it’s her environment pushing an uncertainty on her. And I think she needs a little more of a classpect push than from the internalized forces of heart and mind. 

All of that is to say I think she reads more like she might need some Void influence to me. She believes in mysterious things out there beyond her view, she wants to hunt them down, find the answers. Delving into dark places to try to find something new is what light’s all about. The blank canvas, the something where there was nothing, that’s void, and that’s interesting. She needs to learn to cast doubt on what she’s known, to bring the lessons she’s been taught under scrutiny, to determine where the truth really lies, if there is a truth at all. 

…Which is all to say I think you could expand her interests to reflect all of this. Does she like stories about the murky dark and the dangers within? Does she like Unsolved Mysteries and conspiracy theories that have lead her to this? Does she like political espionage and intrigue? Does she want to smooch a fish?

Appearance: I won’t get too into detail since I’ll be posting a drawing later, but basically, she wears a black one piece swimsuit with a long swim skirt over it with black, red, and yellow stripes in the pattern of a coral snake. Besides her sign, she only really wears purple on her slippers, and i’m currently debating whether or not she should also wear purple makeup because of the antimony association that forces her to be stereotypically feminine? still unsure there. She also wears a long ponytail with red and yellow streaks down it (because it would be silly to have a horizontally striped ponytail).

Troll femininity is different from human femininity anyways. Alternian femininity mostly seems to mean Long Hair and that’s about it, considering Feferi/Fuchsias are the standard of beauty and not all of them wear makeup. Even a fashion-focused character like Kanaya only rarely wore lipstick and didn’t have lash color. Makeup is more of an accent piece for trolls than a Femininity Standard. Personality: Elapea is, once again, highly dramatic, but also bold and somewhat harsh, with a very strong “holier than thou” attitude. Elapea is older than this meme, but thinking about it now, it’s sort of the same idea as the “NPC wojak” meme, where other people are viewed as more like NPCs in a video game, and the “player characters” view them as lesser, even though they’re not? is that making sense? (and yes, i know npc wojak is a fascist meme, the idea is that she’s sort of been indoctrinated by her fascist dad) she’s also rather violent, tending to take out her anger on innocent people or things. We love a flawed character who gets to learn. Like I described above I think giving her a bit more curiosity and maybe low-level, boiling rebelliousness might be a good idea. As the EZ says about Void, “In order for something new to be built, the old, rotting foundation must often be razed.”  Lunar Sway: Derse- she’s fighting back against a perceived complacency or numbness in society, the one the same “NPC wojak” meme expresses, that other people don’t have an internal dialogue and are less than human. It’s hard to explain? Later she realizes that this is wrong, and starts to fight back against people who push that kind of worldview. Title: Page of Heart. I must admit that I gave her that title based on the idea that the Page is the active counterpart to the Knight who is passive. So that might explain some things; it denotes her struggle to become ok with who she is and not who she’s being pushed to be- she wants to be a dramatic fun loving kid who gets to save people’s lives, and to be a hero, but not the ruthless dictator her caretaker wants her to be.

It’s hard to discuss classes since there’s no canon information on them unfortunately, but I do think there’s something to be said for the history of pages serving knights and how that makes it seem more likely a page would be passive over active, but I do think Page could probably serve her well either way. But I’m honestly leaning more Maid, because I do think she needs an active class in her pocket and she might just need the billowing Force of maidhood behind her, that Snap, That Push To Change. Become One With The Void, Dive Into The Ocean, Become The Mystery, Be The Cryptid.  Land: Land of Mirage and Lockets; it’s a surreal land with lavender soil and clouds, and strange trees with blood red leaves and heart lockets hanging from them. Each of the lockets contain the essence of a desire- in addition, the mirages off in the distance beckon with things that are desirable to the viewer- for example, heroism. The consorts are doves, who flit about speaking… I’m not sure yet. but they speak something to eachother, some sort of secret? I think? I need help with this bit.

Void players are secret-keepers, so I think even with my void recommendation this could continue well. Maybe the doves just whisper rumors/instructions and her quest is to not obsess over which is true while also learning how not to fall for every single bit of “advice” that is given to her. 

Well, I’m finally done, I’m sorry this is so long!! please feel free to take your time ^u^

Hey, sometimes you’ve got a lot to say about a character! I hope I was able to help with the problems you were having. Thank you for the submission! 

-CD

#purpleblood #fan planet #submission #review #cd review #clownpieceoffreedom #elapea serpen #elapea #serpen

[onestowatch]

Meet Mo Etc., the Soulful Artist Bringing Her Sound to Wellington [Q&A]

Moana, better known as Mo Etc., takes the idea of a triple-threat to the next level. The Wellington-based musician has mastered the art of separation, working on her music as Mo Etc. while bustling through contracts, meetings, filming, writing and a whole lot of caretaking.

A lovely persona by nature, Moana’s first-hand experience came from a young age. Growing up in a Samoan and Maori family, Moana was exposed to music through her Church choir, which then sparked her interest to pursue this creative avenue. Though not formally trained, Mo Etc. absorbed all technicalities and nuances like a sponge, from harmonies to finding notes and to now writing and producing her own music and videos. She’s a force not to take lightly.

Her recent album Oceanbed is a sonic journey of love, loss, and self-discovery, parading flawless arrangements that will leave you in a state of soul-searching.

Taking us into her own world, we spoke with Mo Etc. to get an inside look into who she is and what she’s all about. Diving deep into her musical and creative background, as well as her soul-rooted sound, Mo Etc. represents a character heavily defined by a DIY ethos and expressions of curiosity.

Ones To Watch: Tell us about yourself!

Mo Etc.: I’m Mo, Mo Etc., Moana, and I’m a multi-disciplinary act from Wellington. I’ve trained in theatre and as an actor at the New Zealand Drama School and have been working as an actor, director, writer, performer really. Pretty much even whatever show I’m on, if it has a dance piece in it – then I’m a dancer too, hey?

You’ve got a lot under your belt. How’d you get into music?

Music and songwriting has always also been sort of a through-line as well. Even though I’m not formally trained, what pulls me in is the storytelling, the writing, and the music. That’s pretty much what keeps me interested in music and keeps it totally relevant to what I do outside of music too. But just recently I realised that it’s okay for those things to be separate. You know – keep the day job, the day job.

You’ve spoken about the Rock Quest competition you competed in. Tell me more about that.

Rock Quest is kind of like the national high school music competition in New Zealand, where you’d submit, then go to regional, and then eventually to national. When I was in my last year of high school, I entered, went to nationals, and came third overall! Having that under my belt kind of gave me confidence, because it showed me that I had potential, and it was something that I wanted to do in the future and keep coming back to if I ever had the time, the energy, or the opportunity to.

What influenced you throughout your journey?

Growing up in Wellington with a strong Samoan side is what heavily influenced me. I was brought up with my Samoan dad here in Wellington and my mum is Maori, so we were super strong, musically. On my Samoan side, we went to church, so it was built into me through choir singing. It was pretty much just being in that environment, where you just had to jump into the deep end and just learn by ear. By copying what everyone else was doing, it showed me the basics of how to sing a melody or a harmony, or even how to find a harmony. I really learnt all the basics through there.

How would you describe your music?

I produce a lot of beats that are sort of soul-electronica, but its soul hyphenated anything, meaning it could be neo-soul, soul-acoustic, soul-indie, pretty much everything. But the basic root of it is soul music. I don’t know, I mean I would describe my music as ‘creating a vibe that people want to be in.’ You know? It’s cosy, comfy, and enough to make it feel like its special.

Sort of like breaking that fourth wall.

Yeah! It’s so special, and I’ve had so many of those moments. So, for me that’s something that I keep in mind when I’m creating a live show. I want people to feel like they can’t believe what they’re seeing and that I’m here with her.

Out of your whole discography, which song represents you the most? Or what song would you recommend to someone who doesn’t know Mo Etc.?

There’s a song called “Stay Awake,” which is acoustic-soul, and I would say this one is kind of it. It’s like love songs that have a bit of a question mark – like ‘’I Love You?” It was like helping me figure it out what love is. Like it doesn’t feel conventional, it doesn’t look like what it is in the movies, it’s just a little bit different.

Give us a little rundown of what your process is like behind the scenes.

The process is pretty much bore yourself ha-ha. I just get bored or purposely get bored. It was a lot of meditation, getting deep quickly, self-restriction and even getting quiet. Of course, through that creativity will thrive and it’s like practicing good self-talk, which hasn’t always been natural to me or society wise. We grew up in a time where it was cool to take the piss out of yourself most of the time, and eventually you started to believe it.

What has challenged you recently within your music?

Especially this past year, really being kind to myself and super pedantic, and no self-bad talk ha-ha.

Who has influenced you in your music career?

Oh heaps! Heaps, heaps, heaps! Where do I begin? So, I grew up on Lauryn Hill and Erykah Badu, you know those real mothers of neo-soul. Amy Winehouse also came along and blew my mind with her storytelling, and she was a huge influence for me. I also like multi-disciplined artist like Childish Gambino, like how he shapes his career.

What are you up to right now musically?

Well, Mo Etc. and the album I made called Oceanbed, I did that by myself on GarageBand at home. Now I’m looking to re-release it as a deluxe studio version. You know making it properly ha-ha. So, that’s pretty much what I’m up to musically now.

Everything from here on is only up!

Yeah, I know! I can feel it!

Anything else you want to say to your audience?

A warm welcome into my world of Kiwi, Wellington, Newtown. I hope to see you soon or as soon as possible. I hope that we can meet and have a genuine see you later ha-ha!

#mo etc. #new zealand #interview #soul

[theriyatales]

HOW TO DRESS CLASSY – 7 STYLE TIPS YOU NEED TO KNOW

HOW TO DRESS CLASSY

Is it time for you to change up your style? Add a bit of sophistication and class to your everyday outfits? Maybe you have a new job and need some new classy business casual attire, perhaps you’ve moved to a new city, or maybe you just need a change to represent who you have become. Are you wondering how to make that transition and how to dress classy? I’ll walk you through the ins and outs of styling yourself with a more sophisticated, chic, and classy style that you can wear for years to come (or the rest of your life!).

Classy styling is timeless. The navy shift dress and camel-colored pumps you buy today will still be wearable ten years from now. Buying one good pair of pearl stud earrings outweighs the 10 pairs of trendy statement earrings that will be passé a year after you buy them. Having a sophisticated and classy style means that you can wear your outfits to work, Sunday brunch, a city shopping trip, or traveling the world. You can even go sailing while rocking a classy look!

Creating classy outfits is about putting together crucial elements and making sure your style and confidence also shines through. So if you are ready to delve into a new classy look and answer the question of how to dress classy, let’s get started.

DEFINE AND KNOW YOUR PERSONAL STYLE

Personal style is something that each of us has; we just have to identify it, understand it, and then live it. It projects your mood, personality and you as a whole, reflecting your interests, lifestyle, inspirations, and your past.

When you find your personal style you know you look great and feel confident when you leave your home. Whether you prefer bohemian, street, high fashion, minimal or classic, you can make your style look classy when the occasion calls for it.

I hear many women say that they don’t have a personal style or they don’t know what their own style is. Whenever I hear this, I recommend that they take a look at their closet. If you’re trying to find your personal style here is a quick tip that you can do right now. Take out your favorite pieces from your wardrobe. Lay on your bed the clothing you wear over and over again and look for patterns. Is it mainly solids or patterns, bright or neutral colors, dresses or pants, flirty or conservative?

Which category do you see your clothing fitting into? Is your clothing learning towards more free-spirited, maybe bohemian? Or is it filled with solids in black, white, and navy in sleek lines and perfect fits? Then it could be minimalistic.

Typically, classic and minimalist styles will look classy all the time. Classic and minimalist styles usually learn towards neutral color palettes, shapes, fabrics which make it easier to put together classy outfits. But don’t think just because you prefer bohemian or street style that dressing classy is out of the question.

THE 7 BASICS OF CLASSY STYLE

#1 WEAR ITEMS THAT ARE MADE OF CLASSIC FABRICS

Classic, timeless clothing made of materials that will last well into the next decade is what you should be looking to add to your essential wardrobe. Think cotton, wool, linen, and silk. These four basic fabrics will stand the test of time if cared for properly. Cleaned and pressed, items made of these fabrics tend to give off a classy vibe all on their own.

These fabrics also have variations that allow you to expand on your wardrobe. Denim is one example of a cotton fabric that cuts across all style lines, from street to boho to minimalist. Similarly, chino cotton works excellent in pants, blazers and even moto jackets (for the street style in you!). Then there is cashmere, a type of wool that feels heavenly against the skin and doesn’t pill with age. Cashmere sweaters, whether they are cardigans, V-necks, or crewneck pullovers pair perfectly with those denim jeans, as well as tailored pants and skirts.

A word to the wise with these fabrics: Read the labels and care for them properly to make them last. While wrinkle-free cotton has become more available, most cotton items will need to be ironed. (Classy outfits are not wrinkly!) Wool, linen, and silk often have to be dry-cleaned or hand-washed. Make a mistake, and you may have to give your 6-year-old-niece that wool cardigan that was a staple in your wardrobe but shrunk in half thanks to your dryer.

#2 IF IN DOUBT WEAR SOLID NEUTRALS

Bold patterns and prints can definitely work in a sophisticated and classy look, but you may not be comfortable with such patterns if you are just beginning on your classy style journal. Neutrals are your friend in this case. Solids are plentiful in the stores (and probably your closet), easily combined, and help to stretch your wardrobe.

Typical neutrals are white/beige/cream, navy blue, black, and gray. Now, don’t think you have to dress head-to-toe in black (or other neutral). Monochromatic (different shades or tints of the same color) allow you to vary a color but remain classy. Or you can add small accents that can transform a solid into something eye-catching, like a skinny burgundy alligator belt, a paisley scarf, or a pair of red pumps. Want to know more about monochromatic dressing? Make sure to read What is Monochromatic and How to Wear a Monochromatic Outfit.

#3 FIT IS KEY

Classy and sophisticated clothing is typically tailored and form-fitting (not too tight, but you can show off your figure). Skirts should hit just above or below the knee, as should your classy dresses. Classic trousers are straight, slightly wide, faintly bootcut, or menswear-inspired and should be ½-inch off the floor in the back. Wide-leg pants and skinny pants in classic fabrics are also acceptable, as are ankle pants (shades of Audrey Hepburn!). Blazers, blouses, and sweaters should follow the curve of your waist.

Do not hesitate to take items to a local dressmaker or tailor to be altered to fit correctly. Love that shift dress at Nordstrom, but it’s too big in the bust? That’s a $15 fix. Are those gray wool pants in your closet too long for classic 3-inch pumps or do you want to wear them with flats? Another $10-15 fix. Remember, good quality clothes will last you for 10+ years, and it is a small price to pay for alterations. Beats having to replace cheap pants every three years.

Not everything you wear has to be perfectly tailored and form-fitting. You can mix in unstructured pieces for a more relaxed vibe. Pair a blue-striped t-shirt with chinos and a denim jacket or a flowy maxi skirt with a crisp white button-down shirt (roll up those sleeves for added panache!).

Here is an example of how to wear a jumpsuit, and in this outfit, I opted for solid neutrals and paired a structured blazer with a flowy jumpsuit.

#4 NEVER OVEREXPOSE

Dressing classy requires a bit of modesty — no midriff-baring tops, revealing low décolletage, or mini skirts.

Necklines are typically collared, boatneck, crew neck or V-neck. For some variety, you can also try square, cowl, and scoop necks. For more formal occasions, asymmetrical, sweetheart and halter necklines work as well. Regardless, keep your cleavage and your belly button covered. Additionally, armholes on blouses and dresses should not reveal your bra.

As noted above, hem length on skirts and dresses should be just above or below the knee for everyday wear, with slightly shorter and full-length appropriate for summer events or classic formal wear. You can look stylish and sexy without showing too much skin.

#5 DON’T GO OVERBOARD WITH ACCESSORIES

Simple jewellery is the best way to go when aiming for a classy and sophisticated style. My recommendations are:

Earrings: small silver or gold hoops, pearl or diamond studs.

Bracelet: silver or gold bangles (one heavy or several delicate), tennis bracelet, watch (gold or silver with metal or leather band).

Necklace: Long pendants, pearls, diamond solitaire, cross.

Ring: Not necessary, but if you do, go either delicate or statement. Thin bands, diamonds, or heirloom rings are fine, and everyone should have one cocktail ring to wear to events or dress up your jeans. Stick to ring and/or middle fingers only.

Scarf: Scarves are a great way to add color and visual interest to a sophisticated outfit. Particularly if the scarf is bright or with an interesting pattern, again, cotton, silk, and wool are the best fabric options. Try multiple colors and fabrics, with light silk or cotton for spring and thicker wool ones for winter. Florals, paisleys, stripes, and solids are great options. If you need more outfit inspiration make sure to check out: Ways to Wear a Scarf & How to Tie a Scarf: The Definitive Guide.

And don’t forget your shoes. Yes, shoes are an accessory! Pumps, slingbacks, ballet flats, or boots in solid neutrals, such as cream, navy or black, are your best bet. All go with a multitude of outfits, meaning you won’t need to break the bank for a closet full of shoes.

But don’t think that you can’t be daring with your shoe choices, every woman should own a red pair of shoes, and it never hurts to have an animal print to make an outfit pop a bit. (Think leopard print flats with khakis or denim.)

#6 STYLE YOUR HAIR

Now that we’ve covered colors, fabrics, fit and accessorizing let’s move on to your hair! I can’t say this goes without saying because I want to include all the basics. Make sure you style your hair. If you’re wondering how to dress classy and give the appearance of sophistication make sure you spend a little bit of time styling your hair.

If you’re short on time in the mornings or don’t like styling your hair opt for an easy haircut or a haircut that you can quickly put up. By stylish and chic hairstyles I mean a sleek bun or ponytail. I have a lot of hair, and it’s pretty long so if I want to look stylish, I know I need to spend at least 30 minutes on it if I want to wear it down. But the hairstyle I turn to when I don’t want to spend a long time on my hair is a sleek low bun.

Find a hairstyle that is easy for you to style every day and one that you love as well!

#7 MAKEUP MAKES A DIFFERENCE

You’ve made it to the last point on how to dress classy! Yay, thank you for making it here. I left this one for last because, to be honest, it’s the one I have the most trouble with. I don’t often “do” my makeup, and this point is one that I continually work on. If you are like me and don’t spend much time on your makeup focus on these three things that will make a difference in your classy look.

Eyes, checks, and lip should be what you focus on if you only have 5 minutes. Put on some mascara to open up your eyes, add some blush to bring some life and dimension to a face, and wear a bold lip to add a pop of color. These three things are subtle but make a huge difference to the completeness of your classy look.

YOU DON’T NEED A LOT OF MONEY TO DRESS CLASSY

Contrary to popular belief, classy outfits don’t have to break the bank. Yes, you can spend $200 on a designer-label button-down shirt, but you can also find one of comparable quality and appearance for $68 at Banana Republic, the Gap or Ann Taylor. And because classic, well-made clothing lasts for years, and even decades, you can often find good bargains at secondhand and thrift stores.

Invest in good quality basics that fit well, and that you can mix and match. Accessories—which are much cheaper than clothing—can help change up your looks and stretch those basics even further.

Like I mentioned on my first point about opting for classic fabrics, also look for classic shapes and forever classic closet staples. Don’t waste money on trendy pieces that you’ll only wear for a season.

KEEP A PRETTY MANI

Your hands and the jewelry on them are an extension of your wardrobe, and a reflection of the care you take with your appearance, especially if you are wearing a statement bracelet or ring that brings extra attention to those fingers.

Indulge in regular manicures, either at home or in a salon. Keep nails short to medium in length, opting for a nice round or oval shape, with clear or nude polish or a French manicure. Stay away from stiletto nails and bold or neon colors, as well as nail art and jewels.

NOTE: If wearing sandals or peep-toe shoes, a pedicure is a must. I find that a simple clear gloss or nude colors work best, but you can always go with a classic red or pink.

PAY ATTENTION TO THE DETAILS

They say that the devil is in the details, and dressing classy is no exception. The trick to wearing sophisticated clothing is to keep everything neat, clean, and simple. Make sure that the clothes are flattering on you and colors and patterns are balanced.

All items should be free of wrinkles and color coordinated. Check for holes, loose threads, missing buttons, or a hemline that is frayed. Stick with neutrals with pops of color here and there. Don’t over-accessorize; stick with simple minimal jewelry like a pair of earrings and a watch or earrings and a pendant necklace.

Your hair and makeup also play a role in your overall look. Again, neat and clean. Stay away from metallic eyeshadows in loud colors, be careful not to overdo the blush or bronzer, and stick with a neutral or light lip.

HOW TO DRESS CLASSY AND YOUR PERSONAL STYLE

Dressing classy doesn’t have to be difficult, but it will take some time to meld your personal style with the new sophisticated way of dressing. Don’t automatically discount the clothing you already have in your closet. You may be able to integrate items in ways you didn’t think possible.

My style is more classic and minimalist but I do like to add color whenever possible. As you can see in this outfit post, I’m wearing a classy dress but with with a pattern that screams personality. The small pops of color don’t overwhelm the dress or me but add to my look.

This dress has all of the details I mentioned above, with the hem ending just above the knees, a crew neckline, and it’s form fitting but not tight. It has that classy shape but with a little attitude.

I’ve paired it with a red handbag, fun metallic pump, and minimal accessories: sunglasses, earrings and a dainty watch. Simple, elegant, sophisticated and this outfit perfectly reflects my personal style.

So take a look through that closet again. Maybe you can let the hem down on your favorite skirt or add a cuff to pants that are too long for your ballet flats. And that floral silk blouse? It will look great paired with a neutral skirt and matching pumps. You don’t have to completely give up your own style to be classy and chic, but it will require some effort and modifications.

Are you ready to make a classy transition? Remember classy doesn’t mean boring or without personality. Dressing classy means dressing elegant and sophisticated. It’s also timeless and elegant.

If you feel like you’re jumping from style to style and don’t have the wardrobe that represents where you are in your life then start integrating the style tips I mention in this post! Shop for pieces that you can wear longer than a season and remember that a good tailor is worth every penny.

I hope I have answered all your classy outfit questions and you now know more about how to dress classy. If I missed something leave me a comment and I’ll answer you directly!

#liveclassy riyatales riya

[maninder90]

Few things I learnt in 2017 or things 2017 made me learn without my consent. Some of you might even choose to ignore it. But still No offence. These things might make your next year easier.

1. You can have only one bestfriend. And that can be only you. Because you can come across many lovely people in your life, they can laugh with you at 2pm but you’ll have to be on your own at 2am with your thoughts. The one who can keep “forever” promise is you.

2. Family is the most important. They’ll love you without any condtions whether you fail or achieve success. They have loved you from the age of 5 and love you at the age 21. The rightest form and the maximum amount of love.

3. Eat good. Not for looking good for people out there. But for your body. Your body works so hard for you. Stay healthy not to look certain way but to feel strong and energetic. Drink loads of water. You really need it. That is why most of your body is made up of water. Plus it gives you so many miracles and who doesn’t want that? Sleep early. Sleeping late is not something to be proud of. It’s stupid. Atleast I learnt it now if not soon.

4. Never say “I love you” to anyone if you don’t mean it. Don’t throw away these words like they mean nothing. They surely mean everything to someone. Not only for girlfriends/boyfriends. Friends deserve sincere “I love yous’ too.

5. Take as many as pictures you want when you’re happy. Alone or with people you love. Some of them might even scold you for that. But trust me they do it for your good. Anyway everyone loves to keep the memories.

6. You cry. A lot. But you don’t cry in front of people for their pity. You don’t cry to manipulate the situations. You cry because you accept the pain. You cry because you don’t lock your emotions. But make sure you venting to the right people. My rule #1. People may tease you because you cry and they don’t. But when you cry, your mental, emotional and physical self are in sync and that’s healthy. So there’s no shame in crying.

7. Little kindness and love goes a long way. If you love someone tell them not fearing the consequences of it. Tell people they’re worth it. Stay wide awake at night till your friend finishes their study for the exam next day so that they don’t feel alone. Get someone their fav food while they’re bedridden. Travel miles away to see your friend. Call your friend at 4 in the morning because they lost someone they love and have difficulty in sleeping.

8. Make home feel home. Sometimes you won’t have family to make it feel like home. Sometimes you have to make it home by putting a part of yourself and that means investing time, energy and money in making it feel like yours. It may not be “ a dream house”, it just maybe a tiny room but it’s yours. Your surroundings play major role in affecting your mood and vibe.

9. Jealousy is a basic human trait. They maybe closest to you but still envy on your happiness. That person can be you too. You can be happy for them and sad for yourself at the same time. It doesn’t make you horrible person for wishing the greener grass under you.

10. Take care of yourself. Go on walks. Take yourself out for food. Go for shopping on your own if not always atleast sometimes. It’s good to know how it feels not be defined by another person all the time. Talk to people who make you laugh but not at the cost of other people’s emotions. Take hot showers when something with you is not right. Hot showers are so underrated.

11. Don’t give too much of love to people who are not even ready to give you half of theirs. Right people love you in return. Right people love you for who you are. You don’t need to change yourself in order to fit in the crowd. You don’t have to hide the real you and present the fake infront of people. It might get you some temporary love but not the one you keep forever.

12.. Never ever joke about someone’s physical appearance. You can joke about what they speak or how they act but not about their physical appearance. You start a funny conversation out of it, and they won’t even be able to gush that comment out of their minds the entire day. Everyone has insecurities. You win because you don’t show to anyone but you have them too.

13. Find happiness in little things. The first bite you eat after the hours of starvation. Cute little messages from people that keep you smiling for hours. Go on car rides or sit in the parked car and have conversations not silly talks.

14.Compliment. Who doesn’t love them? You like the hair of the other girl. Tell her. You like the way they smile. Tell them. You like they way people speak certain words or slangs tell them. Someone smells good. Tell them. Someone gives the best hugs. Tell them. Compliment whatever the fuck you like about someone because they might start loving themselves more.

15.Energy is real. Feel eveything. Choose the right company. Surround yourself with positive energy. What you attract you do get, what you attract you become.

16. Goodbyes are not always after 500 words from someone. It can hurt as much as 5 words can. You never get a closure from those goodbyes. You heal, accept what has happened has happened for your own good, you get a closure.

17.Don’t stress about anything that is not going to matter after 5 years. Study your ass off if you want to learn but not for the sake of marks. And even if you score bad, do you remember the marks you scored in your maths of 9th class or do you even remember the maths of 9th class? You know the answer.

18.Laugh. Cry. Tell people you love them. Spread the love. Life is too short. It really is. Everyone is going to die one day or another. Don’t waste it stressing over things you shouldn’t. Have faith in God or whatever that makes you glad you’re alive. Everything works out at the right time.

This is not written by me wholly. But most of it is. My first writing. So I took help from some of the blogs here. Thankyou for the help.

[fckyeahgdragon]

"Korean Style is about moving fast" -- G-Dragon discusses the sound of Korea's future 

G Dragon's music is the sound of South Korea's future. And probably our future too. At the age of six, he was already flexing his starry muscles in a band called Little Roora, before deciding to stay in the shadows for a few years and humbly learn his craft by observing how the big pop stars do things and interning his way through a series of record labels. Today, G Dragon appears like a new musical oracle, relevant across the world, and a star way beyond his native land. His fluid masculinity, borderless pop, and self-confidence on stage have brought him to the forefront of his genre.

In a world where everything is moving at top speed and everyone is embarking, headfirst, on a full throttle race to the top, well it doesn't leave the typical careers with much life expectancy. Yet G Dragon always seems one step ahead, and is dragging our whole generation along for the ride.

Like his generation, he is versatile and open, and approaches music the same was he does style -- his fashion brand Peaceminusone is another way for him to define his vision of the world. In 2015 in Seoul, Karl Lagerfeld predicted that the world would soon be obsessed with South Korea. And G Dragon of course. Since then, the star hasn't left Chanel's radar, and last week he performed at the inauguration of the Mademoiselle Privé exhibition in Seoul. The perfect occasion for i-D to discover what the future's going to look like with him in it!

Hi G Dragon! You wear Chanel, you just performed for them in Seoul, what does Chanel mean to you? Chanel is Chanel. It's not a brand. There's nothing like Chanel in the world. No matter where you go, people know about it. You can't explain Chanel. It's a verb.

Your show was for an intimate crowd. How was that compared to the stadiums you're used to? To be honest I prefer doing smaller shows. It's more fun. Being on stage is different each time. The energy is never the same, people are different, the vibe changes all the time.

How do you feel before going on stage? I'm pretty chilled and cool. To be honest, I'm so used to it. I started music when I was six. I was nineteen, Korean age, when Big Bang started.If I'm not mistaken it should be seventeen for you guys.

Age is different in Korea? Yeah! It's actually the only country in the world that works that way. Ask our President! I don't know why, I wish I knew why. So today I'm 28 years old. But in Korea, I'm already 30. I know, it sucks…

You're something of a superstar in Asia and you're pretty huge in western countries too. How does it feel to be such an icon? It's an honour to hear that! You know, that's the thing about the 21st century: everyone is connected and the world keeps moving all the time. It looks so special but it's so natural at the same time. If I post something new, everyone in the world will know what I'm doing right now, at the same exact moment. In the same way that I'm connected to people, I feel like social media now so intrinsically links fashion to music, art to pop, etc.

You had an exhibition in Paris with your brand, Peaceminusone. Do you define yourself as a designer? I don't consider myself as a designer but as an artist -- an artist... with a lot of clothes. My brand is not just a fashion brand. Two or three years ago, I supported young and emerging Korean artists with an exhibition that took place at the Seoul Museum of Art. I wanted people to know that Korean artists do great things.

Korean fashion is getting bigger each season and a lot of people are talking about it as a new phenomenon. Do you feel the same way? It's getting bigger, but it's not only fashion. The whole Korean market is getting bigger: may it be fashion, music or K-pop, whatever. It's a culture as a whole, and I'm part of it.

Did you anticipate this shift when you started making music? I wasn't trying to be famous when I started making music. I mean, that wasn't the first thing I wanted. But of course, I see more and more people getting interested in Korean culture, and I'm so proud about it. I'm honoured in a way. I love my country so I'm more than happy to see it shine. It's getting really fast, there's a good and a bad side in it but I try to take the best of it. I still want to try new things so I can learn about them and then teach those things to younger people.

How would you describe Korean style? When I was young, I was fascinated by Japanese culture, style, and the way of life. I loved Chinese movies too. What I'm trying to say is that we used to learn from different Asian countries. Even from America and Europe. And trust me: Korean people learn so fast. The most important thing is to keep learning, otherwise you're just copying. So if you want to be an artist, just make things your own. Basically, Korean style is about moving fast. Europe was once fascinated by Japan, but today a lot of eyes are on Korea. It's not about minimalism or aesthetic anymore, it's the Korean energy we admire.

Where does this energy come from? You know what, it's because we have a hungry mind. We already have the fame and recognition but we still want more and more. We are still hungry. Korean people, including me, want to go faster and faster. In music, in fashion, in art too. One shot one kill: that's my mentality.

What is the whole purpose of making music? That's a really big question. I don't really have an answer so I'll talk about my new album, Kwon Ji Yong -- my real name. It's a new step forward in my life as I turn 30. That's why I decided to name my tour Act III M.O.T.T.E. It's the third act of my career. And M.O.T.T.E is about where I come from. I'm getting back to my roots with this album. We all live in a digital world, but I put my album on USB and on each USB, we used a hand-drawn red strike to represent DNA. I did some of them myself.

If you could make a wish, what would it be? For me you mean? The cover of i-D!

Source: i-D

#g dragon #article #event #CHANEL

[monkey-network]

Good Stuff - THE TROOF ABOUT STEVEN UNIVERSE - Part 4

WARNING: When you cartwheel, the weight is mostly from your legs. And if you want to know more, here’s part 3 for a better understanding. Thank you, take care out there, and enjoy.

Steven Universe is a charming, popular show with a quad-polar fandom, and I’m only here to point out what I say is legitimately wrong with this cartoon. Simple enough? Fair enough. Point number 4:

THE REPRESENTATION:

Representation in media can be easy when the right writers are at the helm to present (not push) a message of acceptance and acknowledgement towards an audience that may or may not feel the same way. It takes different strokes to rule the world, after all. However, when it comes to character in general, there are two factors in characterization that when used correctly can appeal their message of acceptance for their audience. One, visual acknowledgement of the representing characters (POC, LGBT, belief, etc.) in question and two, giving the subjects good quality participation to show that they are just as adept to the world as any other without phoning in the fact that they are this or that. Long story short, make ‘em good characters and the representation can earn the audience’s respect for itself. Steven U lacks this too, and this comes from them often showing us stuff and expecting us to just go with it, with themes that are enough just to get by fans. Hell, they show us as much as a drive by...

Not even a cool one at that, fresh

I’ll say this to start off: Lars Barriga (my neega) was a stagnant and frustrating character to deal with, nobody in Beach City moved him in any way (not even his own supporting parents), and the writers just shotgunned him growth (more than once) after he basically had to cheat death (more than once) to gain a better conscience. It’s like they wanted to call him a lost cause but had to hook him back in some way for the audience to not deem him a lost cause. So with all due respect, does it matter that he’s Filipino or a trans boy when nothing valuable or thoughtful has come from him especially? Those trivial tidbits can mostly come off as add ons or secondary nods, when they should’ve been welcomed knowledge about his character. Want an good example? Look to the comic series Lumberjanes, especially issues 14-17 and 28. SPOILERS, though...

They did this right for characters Jo and Barney (Jo’s the one in the 2nd panel, Barney’s in the first). They already established these two as well defined characters that make mistakes but are willing to get shit done for their friends by any means. The dialogue above is when Barney is thinking about joining the girl oriented scouts even when he’s considered a boy scout, wondering where does he want to belong. Jo gives him reassurance that she herself felt the same and just wants Barney to assert himself with what he wants to be like she did. And when he does later on, he’s accepted without any forced gratification and the writers gracefully accommodate this to not only make him (now “them”) a good addition to the story’s world, but a welcoming new perspective. 

The representation is therefore earned, not just shown off

Now I’d talk further on other characters like Lars, but that would be singing the same beats as my previous piece on world building and would spoil notes on the final 2 parts I’m working on now. Instead, the gems are another reason why the rep-pres-sen-tation in SU is nothing but small fractured penny in the gold mine that is anything else going on, with fusion diminishing the relationship representation of Steven U; however you may see it. Now excuse me... this is the hardest part of my job.

Criticizing love

Garnet is not a good embodiment of Ruby and Sapphire’s love; Ruby and Sapphire is. I would love to see Ruby and Sapphire being together and showing me why they decided to elope, but I can’t because Garnet is a curtain that metaphorically and literally covers said love from having anything more to say than “HELL YEAH WE LOVE EACH OTHER!”. You could say ‘Keystone Motel’ offered some adversity for the two, but knowing Steven U, it didn’t feel like much beyond me knowing they’re getting back together in the end because they love each other and they just go back to being Garnet because she’s the personification of their love and such. 

Status Quo Ante. Ante up, you see?

Fusion is something I have a disdain for now because they’re exchanging two characters’ development of united growth for basically an entirely new/different character, that don’t have much screen time or development anyways (vice versa in Flourite’s case). You could say ‘Know your Fusion’ presented an evolution for Smokey Quartz, among the other known fusions, to being more than a versatile fighter, but not really no. We were already aware that Steven and Amethyst were acknowledged sad sacks before they fused, so what else does this fusion offer differently than in their ability? As for Sardonyx, she hasn’t changed from her first cameo awhile back and her vanity was the only thing that made her stand out in said episode. All in all, fusion doesn’t reflect a relationship, no matter how hard Rebecca Suge Knight is saying otherwise, it reflects an aftermath; one that’s in and out as a firework. This and up ‘til now, the real couples we see are pretty general or under the rug. To show how the most mentioned and presented couple in the series, RubyXSapphire, has continuously got the shaft, I present the one dynamic you’d least expect: A boy and his stuffed toy.

My personally favorite example so far.

Calvin and Hobbes is a series about boy Calvin and his stuffed tiger Hobbes that comes to life through Calvin’s imagination. Reality is like Garnet in this case, where it’s just Calvin having his stuffed animal around to get into zany hijinks like any other kid his age. Then again, the imagination or the living Hobbes is whom is given more of a focus, allowing their dynamic to bloom in a way that wouldn’t be understood if we just saw Calvin just talking to his toy the whole time. It makes their bond feel real and that’s what RubyxSapphire should be, giving them the floor in a way that adds up to Garnet’s eventual debut. “But Monkey Network, what about ‘The Answer'?” The Answer is an episode that, while sweet and good looking, literally danced over much necessary development in favor of only showing us how they eventually stuck to being Garnet forever. Not saying Garnet doesn’t have any character herself, but her integral backstory was/is one of the most beloved and talked about in terms of relationships, yet little has actually been given to us beyond face value and basic understanding and the writers have generally avoid pressing this any further. In a way, that episode diminishes the representation of real queer relationships, bogging it down to early Disney romances like Snow White’s, and practically blindfolds us about what we want to see vs what we should be seeing.

And I already got cute girls not kissing last year. It’s the current flippin’ year

I would talk about all the other canonning “ships” but nothing comes to mind other than the gems are getting along better than before, Mystery Girl is still fine as fuck, Steven and Connie are bound to elope since it’s been presented since the beginning, Lapis and Peridot get along as college roommates, Lapis might still have issues after Malachite happened, Jasper regrets nothing, Topaz sounds cool from the little we got of them, and everything has amounts to having a sob story and/or a recollection of thoughts just to say “Hey, we’re good together”. They implicitly share infatuation and good vibes to each other, but nothing to say their themes of LGBT, relationships, and characterization are groundbreaking. The latter I’ll get to next time. I mean anybody can put effort into writing a genuine romance novel, though it takes more effort to push the romance to challenging means without leaving skeptics at the door, something Sugar has been very casual about and is starting to openly show in the show. That and tears. Because you know what they say, open emotions are better than emotional maturity. Isn’t that right, TV?

Though, a good cry like that never hurts once in a while

Don’t get me wrong. Rebecca Sugarbark is out here doing her darndest as...

CARTOON. NETWORK’S. FIRST. FEMALE. ANIMATED. SERIES. CREATOR!

and when she does themes right, the show provides some good things to think about. But when she muddles them up or casually throws them in, especially when these themes come from the different aspects of what makes a person different yet real, it is unforgivable. And when people of all ages are watching this, thinking with their living ideologies about what could be used to think differently? This makes for a very risky tightrope that can lead to either people taking it appropriately or blindly, good and bad alike. I can only hope that as the show goes on, there are less assumptions and implications from both the show and the audience alike and more assertions and certainty that elements like representation of any kind are brought to a more applied approach than a glanced approach. Something that earns that appeal to a world so open and free.

Yet. As nothing but a simple critic... I can only be so hopeful

#steven universe #su #su critical #su criticism #su critique #representation #cartoons #reviews #analysis #long post #Good Stuff #Roy Macintosh #ye #Calvin and Hobbes #Lumberjanes #gifs