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#aziraphale about to scare the shit out of Crowley: what was that?
glassiskies · 4 months
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photos taken moments before disaster
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sammininoofthelord · 9 months
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Another reason why Aziraphale would want to go to heaven is the Book of Life
During all the season we were told about the Book of Life. All the season Aziraphale and Crowley were threatened with it and it scared the shit out of Crowley.
And you know what would eliminate that threat? Getting hold of that book.
And you know who has the power over that book? The ruler of heaven, exactly the place Aziraphale was offered.
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actual-changeling · 7 months
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"It would have been you."
It's raining.
Of course, it's raining.
A soft, constant drizzle leaving his hair a damp, curly mess that falls into his face and clings to his skin. Even though the cold is slowly seeping into his clothes, Crowley stops and turns around. Condensation is collecting on the inside of his shades where his breath drifts up, warm and too fast, and even if it hadn't been late at night, if the street hadn't been empty, he would have still taken them off.
Aziraphale is licking rain drops from his lips and blinking with dark, heavy lashes.
"What?"
His voice is rough, almost drowned out by the noise of rain hitting the pavement, collecting in small puddles around his feet.
"If it had been a choice, a real one, it would have been you."
The world did not end, questions were answered, apologies spoken, but their last conversation before everything went to shit is still a sharp splinter lodged in his chest, cutting him open more and more with every heartbeat. All of the fears he had left unsaid, the viscous doubt pooling in his lungs and weighing down his breaths—the truth might tip the scales and finally destroy him, and yet he cannot bring himself to stop Aziraphale from talking.
"It has always been you, Crowley. You must know that."
"I don't."
Bitterness laces his voice despite his best intentions, a drop of oil tainting an entire river, six thousand years of history, and it hurts because it's the truth, because they both wish it wasn't.
He doesn't know, couldn't know, because Aziraphale always needed him to stop them, to step back when they got too close. Every single time he had tried to push, gone too bloody fast, the angel had recoiled, scared for him, scared for the both of them. Crowley knows, and at the same time, he doesn't, because he still has hope and there is nothing more dangerous than allowing it to bloom; it's small, withered, brittle, on the verge of death and has been for centuries.
(It's still there, though. It keeps fighting, keeps trying. Keeps hoping.)
They're drenched to the bone, wet and pathetic, and there is nothing romantic about any of it when Aziraphale retraces his steps and closes the distance between them; there is, however, love.
There has always been love, whether they could admit it or not.
"I'm sorry. For- for everything, for making you think that I don't care about you."
"Angel, don't lie-"
"I'm not lying."
Crowley stares, frozen to the spot when Aziraphale presses cold, wet palms to his cheeks, his breath a ghost of warmth on his skin. This is too much, too close to 'our side', and if he didn't know better (does he know better? does he really?) he would think that he is about to—
"I'm not lying," he whispers, broken, truthful, "I love you. I won't leave you."
The rain stings in his eyes, masking the tears—hot and wistful—meeting Aziraphale's skin where it is touching his.
"Don't make promises you can't keep, angel."
His voice cracks and so does his heart, and he can feel the walls they have built together crumbling to dust under their feet. It's not real, it can't be real, and yet the truth is shimmering in storm-blue eyes he has been carrying with him since the moment he first put stars into the sky.
"It's you, always has been, always will be. If you let me."
Crowley kisses him as he falls apart, barely healed fractures reopening as his essence spills over and out, drowning him in please, please be real, please let us have this, please, God.
Just this once.
Aziraphale holds his face so incredibly gently, as if it's something worth keeping, something to protect, something he is afraid to lose. When the ground doesn't open up and swallow them whole, when the sky doesn't reach for them with greedy hands, he allows himself to seize Aziraphale's face in turn, cupping his jaw and kissing the rain drops off his lips, his cheeks, the tip of his nose, tasting his tears when they begin to fall.
"It's always been you. God, of course I will let you."
Sapphire blue eyes blink up at him, a smile pressed against his lips, a smile he can feel, a smile that is for him, them.
"Perhaps you could let me somewhere less, ah, sopping wet?"
"I was right, though. It's the rain that did it."
Aziraphale laughs, bright and happy, and infectious enough to make Crowley laugh too, and grabs his hand to pull him back towards the bookshop - back home.
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minervas-hand · 19 days
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Right to fear, wrong to believe
Just had a horrible realization and needed to meta it out.
How different they were before Edinburgh, when Crowley was sucked down into Hell.
Look at this flirty babygirl in the Bastille:
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I mean could he climb that tree any faster?
(This is why I really like fics that place a more physical relationship here, pre-Bastille or just post-Bastille, because c'mon look at them. )
In S1 the next thing is 1862 and Crowley asking for insurance (with a cane ffs). And Aziraphale freaking out with his "fraternizing" BS. It's jarring, until we get 1827 filled in for us in S2.
@takeme-totheworld notes in this post:
Crowley sure went from "our respective head offices don't actually care how things get done" and "nobody ever has to know" to "walls have ears" FAST after Edinburgh. And Aziraphale went from looking at Crowley with hearts in his eyes to "I've been FrAtErNiZiNg" just as quickly. I'm more convinced than ever that Edinburgh was the first time Crowley ever actually got caught and punished for fucking around with Aziraphale/doing good deeds/whatever it was they yanked him back down to Hell for, and it scared the absolute shit out of both of them and changed the whole tone of their relationship after that.
Yes! - it's clear to me as well that the Edinburgh graveyard was a very bad turning point, where they both saw that Hell was listening and would intervene. And it did change their relationship drastically, for over a century and a half (really, until looming Armageddon loosened up the stakes for them).
But what about Heaven?
See the thing is, we know Azi's been worried about Heaven watching him for the past 6000 years.
But they haven't.
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[GIFs posted by starrose17]
All this time, and Heaven had not seen them together. Hadn't noticed. Had not even LOOKED.
I want to mention what @starrose17 says about this here in this post:
What I love about this is her choice of words, “went back through the Earth Observation files.” This implies that these photos were already filed somewhere meaning somebody had to have been watching them which meant somewhere in the depths of the bureaucratic heaven there’s an underpaid angel clerk tasked with watching angels on Earth, and he’s been hording photos of his favourite Angel/Demon couple not reporting them to Michael because he wants to see what happens.
And that's exactly what this fic covers!: Spying Omens by @ednav
(Give this a read, it's fabulous.)
While I am here for this being exactly how that happens, the other scenario is colder and worse - there's no one watching, at all. It's just filing automatically and never seen until some Scrivener is called to pull a file.
From @fuckyeahisawthatat's comment here :
I found this scene to be quite chilling, actually. Not only is the idea of Heaven as a surveillance state brilliant (way to make “God is always watching” sound way more ominous) but this is exactly how modern surveillance states work. They don’t actively watch everybody all the time. That’s not physically possible for humans, and even if it is metaphysically possible for Heaven, it’s not a very efficient use of resources. Surveillance states watch people they deem “suspicious.” And once you’ve been put in the category of “suspicious,” they have massive amounts of data that they can comb through to collect a lot of information about you–to retroactively build a case justifying why you’re suspicious, to collect information about where you go and who you associate with, etc.
Yes.
So we either have secret collusion in the rank and file, or we have a surveillance state that is constantly reinforced to its subjects for fear's sake, for control.
(Well, it obviously could be both.)
BUT my point is… Up until Edinburgh, Hell has not been watching (or caring at least). And up until near the end of Armageddon't, neither has Heaven.
Oh, my poor Angel. Thousands of years, of denying yourself, of pushing Crowley away, of carrying around a tension that is it's own constellation.
After 1827 you might have reason, but for the 5000+ years before that?
Thousands of years and Heaven was not watching nor cared.
You were right to fear. And you were wrong to believe.
And that just breaks my heart.
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nohaijiachi · 9 months
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I've been seeing just about all moments of GO S2 being put under a microscope and absolutely dissected frame by frame
And still I am yet to see anyone mention a moment that might be small in the grand scheme of things, perhaps not as character defining as many other that have been (rightfully) analyzed a thousand times over, but which was *so* important to me, and every single time I watch it I'm just filled with so many feelings and jhaghagha
(putting this under a read more to not spam y'all with a ginormous post clogging your dashes)
The moment in question is this (my apologies for the pics, I currently don't have a proper way to take screenshots of S2 and had to snap photos of my tv screen lol)
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It's such a quick moment, a small blip in the entirety of episode 5, but let me tell you why it absolutely destroys my heart every single time.
First of all let's refresh our memory on Aziraphale's relationship with Heaven and Gabriel specifically, shall we?
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The very first time we see Gabriel in S1, he surprises Aziraphale at a sushi restaurant. Aziraphale looks to his left, because that's the side where Crowley usually appears when approaching him, but instead of his boyfriend the familiar Demon, he sees the reflection of Gabriel at his other side, and he turns around with what reads to me as very much an "oh shit" expression.
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In episode 2 we see Gabriel again, along with Sandalphon; they are flanking Aziraphale and leaving him no way to escape in what to me seems a blatant intimidation tactic, especially with Gabriel being all "hey you remember Sandalphon, right :)" and Aziraphale being like "Oh yeah, likes smiting and turning people into salt, I sure do! *nervous laugh". There's literally no reason for them to be acting like this if not to (un)subtly remind Aziraphale what his place is, and that he is NOT safe, not even in his bookshop.
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Whenever we see Aziraphale in Heaven he is constantly standing ramrod straight, hands kept caged behind him, none of his usual mannerism to be seen. He always smiles like a hare being stared at by a hawk and the cinematography very much underlines that tenseness by both showing the impossible, cold and sterile expanse of Heaven in contrast to the camera being shoved right in the characters' face to make the viewer feel just as uncomfortable as Aziraphale is.
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When Gabriel and Aziraphale speak in the park there's this moment after it looks like Gabriel is leaving, but he pops right back up in Aziraphale's space in an instant, causing the reaction we see in these screenshots. Aziraphale is clearly taken aback and tense, eyes widening which is like, fair considering Gabriel pretty much jump scared him, but that's rather the point, isn't it? Gabriel pretty much jump scared him. He didn't just turn around and jog back to Aziraphale to ask him about the sword, he purposefully moved himself up to him without any warning. Like sheesh, talk about terrifying bosses.
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No Gabriel here, but just another example of how much Aziraphale does NOT like being in Heaven. When he gets discorporated and finally manages to stand up for himself, saying he refuses to fight a war, he still looks like *this*. Like he's one step away from just discorporating a second time and without an actual body out of sheer anxiety.
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When all it's said and done at the Tadfield airbase and the four horsemen are gone, Gabriel and Beelzebub decide to go check what the heck is going on, at which point Aziraphale pretty much seems to be bracing himself, straightening his back, adjusting his clothes nervously and then holding his hand in front of him in a show of dignified quietness I definitely read as him doing his best to hide just how anxious he truly is.
Of course we don't see Aziraphale's reaction at being told to shut his stupid mouth and die already by Gabriel due to the body swap, and at this point is pretty safe to say Crowley has never shared with Aziraphale that little tidbit of information, but even not knowing the extent of the cruelty Gabriel showed toward him at the end, he still knows that Gabriel and, by extension, Heaven was more than willing and ready to murder him.
Even at the start of S2, when an amnesiac Gabriel arrives at the bookshop and then hugs him (awkwaaaard), Aziraphale looks like he's entirely frozen and unable to react to the improbability of what is happening, and when Gabriel asks him if he can go inside the bookshop Aziraphale's immediate reaction is to pretty much recoil with an immediate "No!".
Of course he is then forced to let him in because there's a naked man on his steps while the whole neighborhood is watching, and we get some many more little moments of Aziraphale anxiety emerging through his body language: The pacing, the way he sits ramrod straight in front of Gabriel, and him literally backing away multiple steps when Gabriel asks him "You know how it's like, when you don't know anything at all, and yet you're totally certain that everything will be better if you were just near one particular person?"
(Because of course Aziraphale knows how that feels, and that's exactly the same reason why he's been so scared of Heaven for-fucking-ever!) (Also as an aside let me just bless Michael 'Acting Choices' Sheen for that smile that lasts a shard of a second after Gabriel asks that. You can pretty much see the word "CROWLEY" stamped in big bold letters on his forehead in that moment lmao)
(Also as an aside to the aside. Jon Hamm is just fantastic. Gabriel comes across as such an asshole in S1, but Amnesiac!Gabriel is a fucking cinnamon roll and he pulls it off so well ajahjahja)
Then of course we get the whole exchange about the 'something terrible' that sends Aziraphale into more anxious frenzy until another tiny, kinda overlooked moment hits us in the shins, in which Gabriel says "You're funny. I love you." And like, can't blame anybody for not looking at that moment without much thought, I know that that sentence had me crying laughing multiple times on multiple rewatches, but also... God, you can see the way some of that fear instantly leaves Aziraphale, the way he relaxes ever so slightly and ??? Aziraphale??? Is that all you need to instantly start trusting someone who wanted you dead? Who treated you like shit for who knows how long? (Why am I even asking this, of course that'd be enough, it's Aziraphale we're talking about, here.) Then of course the rest of season 2, he and Crowley having a row about what to do with Gabriel with Aziraphale insisting that he needs them, as his friends, yada yada, we get back to the initial moment that sparked this post.
We get there, Aziraphale's (eldritch) Ball and the romantic moment he's been working himself up for ruined, murderous Demons at his steps putting both he and all the humans inside in peril, and all he would need to do to avoid any harm coming to them is to give Gabriel up, and... "You came to me. I said I would protect you. And I will." Not just the words, but the way Aziraphale says them; voice lowered and serious, that hint of hesitation and fear at the start that melts away into full blown confidence at the 'And I will'.
It isn't just Aziraphale being scared by Gabriel mentioning the 'something terrible' at the beginning, nor the brief moments of cryptic recollection that he witnesses Gabriel going through-- It's that Aziraphale sincerely accepted to protect him, and he wasn't going to give that up. He is a Guardian and a Principality, after all.
And like, I see this and how am I supposed not to get my heart utterly shattered by it? If Aziraphale had rejected Gabriel, or treated him unkindly in any way, I hardly doubt anybody would be hard pressed to say Aziraphale did not have the right to do so, not after the way he's been treated by Gabriel and Heaven his whole life. But he doesn't. He is kind to him, if a tad long-suffering at times. The protection he extended over Gabriel is utterly sincere and unwavering.
And ngggggggh I don't even know where I'm going with this. I just. Love Aziraphale so much. Stupid, clever, anxious, brave man-shaped thing that he is, recklessly throwing himself into the line of fire for somebody that, by any means, did not have any right to ask something of that magnitude from him. He is my scrungly, and by God am I ever so excited to see how everything will play out in season 3. I want him to fully grasp that bravery and raise absolute -metaphorical- hell with it. Shine bright, you crazy bastard.
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READ 70 PAGES OF THE GOOD OMENS BOOK WITH WHICH I HAVE HOMOEROTIC TENSION AS WE KNOW
WE ALL KNOW ABOUT THE HOMOEROTIC RIVALRY BETWEEN ME AND MY COPY OF THE GOOD OMENS BOOK. WE KNOW. IT STARES AT ME, I STARE BACK, IT DARES ME TO READ IT AND FALL IN LOVE WITH CROWLEY MORE, I REFUSE. WE PUT THE UST IN LUST ETC.
BUT TODAY/YESTERDAY (RIP SLEEP SCHEDULE) SINCE I WASNT ON TUMBLR, I READ TILL PAGE 70 OF THE BOOK (TILL THE PART CALLED WEDNESDAY) AND GOD FUCKING DAMN. I READ IT LISTENING TO AN AZIRAPHALE BOOKSHOP AMBIENCE AND WITH CHOPIN PLAYING AND CANDLES LIT. ANYWAY. THINGS THAT HAVE STUCK OUT TO ME:
Crowley. Just everything about Crowley. God I love him. I fucking love him. This is why I avoid reading the book. I'm such a slut for Crowley. It's manageable on the show when I know it's an actor. But WORDS CROWLEY? WORDS CROWLEY IS REAL. I AM SO IN LOVE.
Aziraphale has perfectly manicured hands. I'm pretty sure this has been mentioned three times in the first 70 pages. Three times at minimum. I forget how twink he is in the show (idk how) but man the book does NOT let you forget and I love that.
Crowley absent-mindedly sank a duck. Aziraphale called him my dear (fanfic authors everywhere: write that down write that motherfucking shit down it's better than porn). Crowley un-sunk the duck. The duck was cross.
CROWLEY DID I MENTIONED CROWLEY OH MY BABY FANCIED THE JAMES BOND DECALS HE WANTED TO LISTEN TO VIVALDI COZ THEY WERE SO STRESSED AFTER RECEIVING THE ANTICHRIST THEY LOVE GOLDEN GIRLS (I LOOKED IT UP AND OH CROWLEY) THEY DRANK FOR A WEEK AFTER SEEING THE SPANISH INQUISITION THEY OMG.
THE DRUNK SCENE. I FINALLY UNDERSTOOD THE DOLPHINS CONVERSATION. OMG THESE TWO FUCKING FOOLS I ADORE THEM.
Crowley IN THAT SCENE AND AZIRAPHALE IN THAT SCENE HOLY SHIT. CROWLEY JUST LISTING OFF ALL THE THINGS SHE KNOWS AZIRAPHALE LOVES.
AND OMG. The CONVOLUTED FUCKING METAPHOR CROWLEY COMES UP WITH INVOLVING A LITTLE BIRD FLYING TO THE ENDS OF THE UNIVERSE AND PECKING A MOUNTAIN AND COMING BACK AND DOING IT ON LOOP. FOR WHAT? JUST TO SAY THAT WHEN THE MOUNTAIN WAS GONE, HEAVEN WOULD STILL BE PLAYING THE SOUND OF MUSIC.
As usual just like me Crowley shot himself in the foot with that metaphor. Because AZIRAPHALE, THE LEGEND, STARTS SAYING THE BIRD MUST BE IMMORTAL FOR THAT, AND THEN SAYS NO ACTUALLY THE BIRD IS BEING CARRIED IN A SPACESHIP AND THE DESCENDANTS EMERGE FROM THE SPACESHIP and poor crowley is saying SO THE BIRD REACHES THE MOUNTAIN and azi excitedly says IN THE SPACESHIP and AAAAAAAAA-
Anyway right yes sorry what were we doing oh right the book.
Anathema is so adorable as a kid what a little brat holy shit I love her. I want to see all her homework written in Middle English. I want to know which teacher finally summoned the balls to correct it.
NEWT MON CHERI HE'S SO EXCITED ABOUT ONLY DESTROYING THE HOUSE'S POWER CIRCUIT WITH HIS EXPERIMENT. Because apparently last time he fucking caused a power outage in the whole block. Or county. We stan an optimist (no one talk to me about Crowley being an optimist I will go feral and rip your larynx out).
THE THIRD BABY DID NOT WIN PRIZES FOR TROPICAL FISH. THIS IS LIKE THE ENDING OF VILETTE WHEN CHARLOTTE BRONTE GOT GUILTTRIPPED BY HER DAD INTO WRITING IT AS AN OPEN ENDING BUT WE ALL KNOW IT'S A TRAGEDY FUCK ME.
CROWLEY THE PRAY THAT HE DOESN'T IT SOUNDS SO SUAVE IN THE SHOW BUT IN THE BOOK IT LITERALLY SAYS "AND FLEES". THE CHAOTIC ANXIOUS MOTHERFUCKER MAKES A RUN FOR IT.
AZIRAPHALE FUCKING GLOWERING AT CUSTOMERS AND SCARING THEM AWAY USING EVERY MEANS SHORT OF PHYSICAL VIOLENCE IM DEAD THAT LITTLE BASTARD PEAK CROSS INTROVERT ELDRITCH MONSTER ENERGY.
I CAN'T WAIT FOR ADAM TO ENTER (WELL AS A NOT BABY) AHAH.
I HOPE WARLOCK IS OKAY.
CROWLEY BEING DESCRIBED AS A YOUNG MAN DOES THINGS TO ME. AS DO THE DARK HAIR AND GOOD CHEEKBONES. DON'T EVEN TALK ABOUT DOING WEIRD THINGS WITH HIS TONGUE. I AM A SLUT FOR HER. IT'S TIMES LIKE THIS I REMEMBER WHY IM GREYACE AND NOT ENTIRELY ASEXUAL. IT'S CROWLEY.
I LOVE THE SUBTLE JOKES LIKE I DON'T EVEN GET SOME BUT THE DRY TONE IS HILARIOUS. LIKE HOW BOTH WARLOCK'S HEAVENLY AND HELLISH TUTORS READ FROM THE BOOK OF REVELATION. AND THE CUTTING COMMENTARY LIKE HOW THE DOWLINGS' SECRET AGENTS WERE TRAINED TO REACT TO WOMEN IN LONG ROBES. OR THE POLITICAL COMEDY WITH ALL THE CULTURAL ATTACHES AT ST JAMES. IT MAKES ME AMUSED EVEN THOUGH I HAVE NO CONTEXT. I WISH I UNDERSTOOD THEM MORE.
SORRY WHY AM I YELLING ABOUT THIS BEFORE 6 IN THE MORNING FUCK I FORGOT MY SLEEP MEDS NO WONDER IM STILL AWAKE AND HYPER ALSO CROWLEY ALSO AZI ALSO ADAM I HOPE MY LITTLE PLANTS MAKE IT.
WHEN IM DONE READING THE BOOK I WANNA REREAD IT OUT LOUD TO MY THREE LITTLE PLANTS TO MAKE THEM GROW HAPPY AND KNOW WHOM THEY WERE NAMED AFTER.
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Lost Fic #180
1. Good morrow dearest Mods Firstly thank you for all the good work that you all do for the fandom because this was really impressive when i first stumbled upon it and easy to sieve through. Really Wowwww I'm not much of a fanfic reader myself, but there was the monologue that stuck with me from a tiktok edit and I really want to find which fanfiction was it from (since i couldn't find the edit anymore :"") (Im regurgitating whatever i can remember so please bare with me, i hope it wouldnt be so painful.) It was from the POV of God but the narrator refers to God as "She". She talks about making Crowley and Aziraphale. Being the first to break Crowley's heart. And then she invents Creativity for Crowley because She owes him that at least. She gives Aziraphale a sword but then will give it away on his own will. She did not give Aziraphale a heart but he invented it himself. From what I remember there was no dialogue in this part of the piece. (But I wouldn't know for sure since I've never read it before...) I tried tagging From POV of God Good Omens in AO3, but I couldn't find it either If it happens to not have existed, that's alright, however are there some fanfictions that are similar to this? With the kind of emo yet touching written by God feel narration about the husbands with not much much dialogue, like as if She was just watching from above. The kind of outsider feel with the insider knowledge AHAHAHA I'm not sure how to describe it. Emotionally like bittersweet tea with a dash of honey. Thank you, and I wish you lovely days to come mods <3 - @whiskedawaybythewind
2. I'm sorry, but I'm looking for a Fic it was a Muriel & Crowley, and there was this scene where Crowley finds out that Aziraphale regrets his decision because a Pen that he (Aziraphale) stole, and send with muriel so he can understand the message. I don't remember much more, :( - anon
3. Hi! I’m looking for a relatively new fic I read a while back. It featured Azi and Crowley living in the South Downs and Crowley is snatched while out grocery shopping by a gang of mafia guys, and they ransom him to Azi, who shows up and calmly scares the shit out of them by telling them he’s “The Bookseller.” I can’t find it to save my life and I want to reread it! - @doodlegirll
4. Hello dears! First off, thank you so much for all the work you do for the fandom. I was wondering if you could help me find a fic. Aziraphale is discorporated during WW1 and Crowley was sleeping and didn't know. During the church scene in 1941, when Crowley comes aziraphale has a flashback and is barely able to save them. They talk about it after. Thanks again! - @candysunset27
5. Hi!! I’ve been going through this account for a while and it’s been so so great finding tons of fics with all the tropes I love!! There’s this one fic I saw that I can’t remember and I was really hoping you could help me find it! From what I do remember in the fic, Aziraphale is suicidal, and keeps on discorporating himself. If it’s too much of an ask I totally understand- Take all the time you need !!! 💖💖💖💖💖 - anon
If you know any of these fics please include the number in your reply! Thank you :)
- Mod D
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gingiekittycat · 5 months
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Does Crowley actually love Aziraphale?
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The more I think about season 2, the more I write about it here on Tumblr and in fic, the more I'm starting to believe that he... doesn't.
Not yet anyway.
I think there is something deeply unhealthy about what Crowley feels for Aziraphale, as evidenced by how completely miserable he is this season. He's so afraid of losing Aziraphale, losing their "precious, peaceful, fragile existence", that he's worked himself into a constant state of anxiety. He's angry this season. He's upset. He's scared. He's trying so hard to hold something so tightly because he thinks if he loses it, he won't be able to survive.
He's always two minutes away from Aziraphale's door. He's sleeping in his car. Could he get another flat? I'm sure he could. Anthony J. Crowley could figure out a way to get another flat. He doesn't want to. He wants to be ready to go to Aziraphale at a moment's notice. He desperately does not want Aziraphale to go to Edinburgh, because he's afraid something will happen to him there. He doesn't give a shit about Aziraphale driving his car, he just doesn't want Aziraphale to leave. And then even when he does give in, he checks up on him, he puts some creepy "I can feel what you do to the Bentley" charm on his poor car, to keep checking up on him. The closer he feels to losing Aziraphale, the tighter he clings to him, until he's literally following him around everywhere (like when Aziraphale is trying to convince all the shopkeepers to come to his meeting).
I could go on. And on and on.
The point is, as we see from the Job episode, that Crowley is lonely. He didn't fit in at Heaven, he doesn't fit in with Hell, and from the first rainstorm in the Garden of Eden "our hero" has coped by clinging to the one person who has showed him any sort of relief from that loneliness.
He's not in love. He's obsessed.
He's been obsessed since the Garden. Popping up wherever Aziraphale is, following him around the Earth. Saving his skin, if need be, even though Aziraphale is perfectly capable of taking care of himself. And it gets stronger and stronger as the years pass, as they get closer to each other, as they get closer to Armageddon, and then as they deal with the aftermath.
Crowley never used the word "love" in his confession. I think that's a deliberate writing choice, not necessarily because Crowley didn't want to use the word. I think Crowley thinks it's love, but the fact that he didn't use that word shows the audience that it's not. He's desperate for the idea of an "us", even in season 1 he's obsessed with it, "we're on our side", "us against them." A group of the two of them. Crowley is obsessed with the idea that they are part of something together, something bigger than themselves, because Crowley is not part of anything else, not Heaven, not Hell, and he just wants to belong.
And with all that said... I think it's good that they broke up.
I think it's a good thing for Crowley. I think he needs to take a break. I think he needs to work on himself, work through some of his trauma. I think he can love Aziraphale, but he's got to do some work to get there.
Will we get this in season 3? We'll have to see...
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rel312 · 9 months
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I HAD NO IDEA SEASON 2 CAME OUT ALREADY SO NOW IM GOING TO SCREAM ABOUT IT
Episode 1:
CROWLEY WANTED TO TAKE AZIRAPHALE BACK TO THE PLACE THEY FIRST MET
CROWLEY PROTECTED AZIRAPHALE FIRST IM SCREAMING
(My brother actually came into my room to tell me to shut up)
Of course Aziraphale would just forgive 8 months rent
Lmao Gabriel’s just walking down the street ass naked
Gabriel just hugged Aziraphale I can’t
“James. Long for Jim, short for Gabriel”
Crowley knows Aziraphale so well, but poor guy he only calls him for 3 reasons
Poor Crowley is trying so hard not to freak out about the “naked man friend”
The conversation between Crowley and Jim I can’t
Maggie and Nina are trapped together!!
Michael and Uriel are fighting let’s gooo
Crowley just casually let the girls out lmao
THERES AN I WAS WRONG DANCE OH MY GOD
THEYRE PERFORMING A MIRACLE TOGETHER
Aaaaaand of course it goes immediately wrong
Episode 2:
Gabriel’s wig is atrocious
IS AZIRAPHALE GOING TO BE THE SUPREME ARCHANGEL NOW
A jukebox that turns every song into Everyday like the Bentley with Queen, hmmm….
Crowley looks like a doting partner bringing his husband a drink
“Get humans wet and staring into each other’s eyes, vavoom, sorted” sir… are you telling me that’s what did it for you???
Crowley’s so confounded that Jane Austen wrote books
THE VOICE OF GOD???
HE TURNED ALL THE GOATS INTO BIRDS
Crowley scaring the kids cause they were brats but not actually killing them aww
The little girl asking to be a blue lizard with her siblings she’s so cute
CROWLEY TAUGHT AZIRAPHALE TO EAT
I cannot believe Aziraphale was the first to talk about sides I love them
Crowley and Aziraphale working together for the first time to save the kids
Aziraphale looks so shaken to have lied poor baby
Crowley babe he’s begging for you to drive him
“Our car” you can’t take it that far lol
Poor Aziraphale really thought he was gonna fall he was about to cry
Crowley was so soft in that last scene
Episode 3:
Jim’s stuff is all labeled
Aziraphale looks like a proud father to Muriel
Crowley’s moving the plants to use the car
They both look like parents I love them
Crowley brought Aziraphale to a cemetery because he thought it would amuse him, that is date behavior
Crowley is about to kill Aziraphale for changing his car
NESSIE?!?!
“Operation: Lovebirds” Crowley is such a dork
Aziraphale just is not getting anything lol
Crowley… shrunk himself??? And then grew himself????
Crowley tempted her to be good I love him
I love the very closed sign
Demons can’t enter somewhere uninvited???
He’s so angry Aziraphale might be hurt
Episode 4:
BEEBOP
“His type”????
“I remember hearing that you and Crowley were an item” HOLY SHIT
HE CALLED CROWLEY HIS GOOD FRIEND AFTER THE CHURCH!!!
“This office has gone 13 5 0 days without anyone saying ‘THE ROAD TO HELL IS PAVED’”
Glad to see Aziraphale in his magic era
Crowley’s impression is hilarious
“Someone you can really trust” and his first thought is Crowley 🥹
Aziraphale has a gun and Crowley has never shot one
Crowley was shaking he was so scared and Aziraphale was so proud of his trick
Furfur not knowing how to pronounce Aziraphale lmao
Sleight of hand!
Look at them finding a middle ground in shades of grey!
Lmao Crowley would murder him if he knew Aziraphale didn’t put the brakes
Episode 5:
They’re talking about Doctor Who
Aziraphale’s giving books and Crowley’s playing with crystal balls, I love them
Aziraphale being bad at French is so funny to me
Nina grilling Crowley on his relationship with Aziraphale is everything
Crowley was confronted with his feelings and immediately went out to get a drink with Aziraphale
Crowley’s so mad go off king
The matchbox!
Aww look at Crowley denying he’s nice
The romantic music while Crowley looks at Aziraphale with the chandelier
Oh. My. GOD. Jim’s suit!
Lol that’s not what I was expecting when they said masks will be provided
AZIRAPHALE WANTS TO DANCE WITH CROWLEY
THEYRE DANCING!!!!!!
“Surrender the angle”
Gabriel’s coat!!
“T. O. S. T. E.”
“You’re a good lad” “not actually, either”
“Rescuing me makes him so happy” you can’t just say things like that and expect me to be normal about it
Episode 6:
Crowley’s just bouncing around in heaven
“I’m done with being scared” *flips them the bird*
Oh sweetie, you meant well but no
“Crowley’s emotional support angel” yes, yes that’s exactly what he is
Crowley’s little supportive punch to Muriel was so cute
AZIRAPHALES HALO?!?!
THE FLY
Gabriel x Beelzebub confirmed??
The fact that Gabriel and Beelzebub were able to sort this out in a few years while it’s taken Crowley and Aziraphale 6000 is insane
And the fact that Aziraphale grabbed Crowley’s arm when he realized that
Crowley’s so impressed with Aziraphale bringing everyone to order
Aziraphale’s face at Crowley talking about Alpha Centauri
Aziraphale looking at Crowley with so much love in his eyes is giving me life
THE METATRON?!?!
Aziraphale looking to Crowley for permission I can’t
Crowley knowing Aziraphale will come back and saying they need “a little us time” at the Ritz
Crowley getting antsy that Aziraphale’s not back yet
Nina taking inspiration from Crowley and calling Maggie angel my beloved
Crowley looks devastated that Aziraphale interrupted him
Aziraphale looks so incredibly happy at getting Crowley to be an angel again but there’s no way Crowley wants that
Crowley’s getting so emotional
“Just be an us” stooooopppppp
“I need you” I can’t take this!
Nightingales
THEY KISSED!!!!!!!!!
Aziraphale touched his lips after I’m dying
Aziraphale stop being so stupid and get him back
The- the second coming??
YOU CANNOT END IT HERE
SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP
Please tell me there will be a season 3 I can’t handle this
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lydiablackblade · 8 months
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Lately I came across some comments here and there more or less saying David is now old and was kinda disgusting and basically not a good Crowley anymore.
First. Bitch please... Really. Are you insane? What the fuck is wrong with you?
Second. During the first watch of season 2 I found myself wondering "When tf did David get age like that?" But then I went through his recent videos and I figured, well, he didn't. Obviously he's not 30 anymore but as good-looking as ever.
But you have to admit there's something with him in this season. And I think this is intentional and especially noticeable in the last two episodes. DavidCrowley looks tired. Like... all the time. Worn-out. Worried.
He said they craved themselves a peaceful, fragile existence. I guess the emphasis is on fragile. He never knows when will it fall into pieces. He is always looking back over his shoulder, prepare for the worst, to protect his angel. I think he hasn't have a good sleep since the Armagedon't, so basically for years, not just because he's living in his car, but because he's is sleeping one eye open. And he couldn't let himself the luxury to tell this to Aziraphale, who's seemingly living the best time of his life (he's not). Crowley drinks six espresso in a shot, for someone's sake. And that was even before he came to know about Jim. He cannot let himself to calm down or be off-guard, because Hell is, well, just around the corner (kind of pun intended). They are traitors and forgiveness is only Aziraphale's favourite thing, not the Head Offices'. Shax pops up unexpectedly anytime. I think there were even other hellish ambassadors before her, she seems to be so new on Earth, cannot imagine she's been doing it for years now. Heaven is still, but we all know they are for a long game.
And he is exhausted, even I say haunted by the liftetime of terror he experienced both in Heaven and Hell. He was tortured. Punished. Not only once. He cannot forget that not only his existence is endangered but also his angel's. When he said to Jim he remember so very well when Gabriel told to Aziraphale to shut his stupid mount and die already... how he was scared to death and jumped back when he first met Jim/Gabriel in the bookshop... He is deeply traumatized. Has kind of PTSD.
And in the end he is tired of pretending and denying. This is a weight he cannot carry anymore. He's done. They are solving an emergency and new one is already on the way. It is never-ending story. He's so done with that shit.
And I think this is what someone may see as something is odd with David. No, it's not David, it's Crowley. The lights, the shooting angles, his skin tone, everything are stressing out his wrinkles, his furrows. It's is all about to show how burnt-out Crowley is. Or will be very soon. Caused by the fear and, I'd even say, by the loneliness.
Poor thing, I want to hug him so much.
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bluberryfields · 8 months
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"What the hell did you just do?"
Part 2 of whatever. Continuing on with Tadfield Manor scenes, we get to the infamous "Wall" scene. I know it has been analyzed by many so far, but that's never stopped people in the world of literary analysis from spewing their own thoughts on well-reviewed texts. Also, I just want to.
Okay, so once they enter the manor building and see the management training branding, Crowley decides to "help out" and make all of the paintball guns into real machine guns. He snaps his fingers and points double finger guns at the passing "soldier".
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Aziraphale is dumbfounded. "What the hell did you just do?
Such language, Angel! And no physical reaction to it like Crowley did when he said "Heaven's sake" in E6. Huh.
Crowley, meanwhile, is thoroughly pleased with himself. They want to battle? He's happy to oblige.
This plus the scare in the courtyard lets us see Crowley enjoying the few perks of being a demon. It's fucking adorable.
Aziraphale cannot comprehend how Crowley - who just miracled a stain away on his coat because it bothered him - could do something so thoroughly evil. And with a jaunty step!
If Aziraphale had pearls, he'd be clutching them so hard.
To which Crowley takes the opportunity to once again point out the flawed binary system of morality. We the audience will see this argument again in the Body Snatcher minisode, so it's fun to see how these two keep having the same old debates throughout time just with different causes with which to start from.
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Pointing out hypocrisy while slinking down a hall? Crowley, you delicious tramp.
Aziraphale is still thoroughly horrified, but Crowley concedes with a sigh that everyone will, in fact, be fine. To me, his tone is a mix of disappointment at him not being quite as much of a bastard as he paints himself. He can't really hide his true self from Aziraphale.
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I love how he can't stop moving his body. Snakes gonna slither.
Then here is it. The big moment. Smug little Aziraphale feels the need to mention how nice Crowley is underneath his demonic persona.
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We now know that this is a reoccurring exchange, where Crowley must defend his title of Big Bad Demon in front of Azi's kind compliments. There's serious consequences to Crowley being labeled "nice" and Azi knows this by now. So why does he keep bringing it up? To provoke Crowley? To finally break him into admitting Azi is right? It's not like Azi can protect Crowley from Hell's wrath, but he pushes anyway.
I thought Crowley was the shit-stirrer in this relationship.
And now my favorite part. Sister Mary shows up and rightly implies these two are about to nail each other through the drywall. But when she recognizes Crowley, he stops her in her tracks.
The sass! It's off the fucking chart! Only an Angel could withstand such a display!
Aziraphale just straightens his clothes and lets the sass go unchallenged because he's still has a bit of self-preservation instincts left.
So I already talked about the "Luck of the devil" line from Aziraphale here, but it truly is a fun moment in the context of the whole scene. Crowley is worked up from the "nice" comment and Aziraphale's seeming refusal to stop analyzing him.
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Horny Aziraphale is sassy and Crowley looks like he wants to bite through a door frame.
So, obviously, I've spent way too much time rewatching these scenes, but I do find it so interesting how we see so much of their relationship on display within just a few minutes. The different personality traits to draw them together while also pushing them apart.
The way Aziraphale knows how to work Crowley, who in turns knows how to indulge appropriately. (*cough* bullet catch *cough*)
The way Crowley happily taps into his demonic toolbox to spread a bit of chaos without actually causing serious harm. (*cough* Job *cough*)
The way Aziraphale reflexively tows the party line of Heaven even in the face of Crowley's demonstrations of humanity's instincts. (*cough* all of time *cough*)
And basically the way they bring out the best (and sometimes worst) of each other. Some might say they're a team. Or a group. A group of the two of them.
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weirdwaterbear · 9 months
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Okay I'm sorry I've gotta post this take because it's been driving me nuts, and I know I'm probably biased as an Aziraphale kinnie and a soft dom, but I do not understand the fans looking at the scene where he drives the Bentley and going "awwe look they get along so well together, father-car bonding time, so cuteee!!" because like- did we watch the same scene??
Y'all, he was intimidating the shit out of that poor car. It was cooperating with his wishes because it was scared of him, not because they were getting along so well together.
Like- watch that bit again, and really look at Aziraphale's microexpressions and tone when he talks to/about the car:
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(Sorry for the dogshit photos, I couldn't find the clip online to screencap from)
The little eyebrow raise and emphasis on the word "stays" while looking directly at the car?? This sentence is a warning; he's essentially saying "if you play anything other than classical music while I'm driving you, the Almighty help me." This is not a cute bonding moment, this is top energy!!
Crowley literally asks "what are you doing to it" when he chimes in on the radio, implying that these changes have occurred not by the car's own volition but because of Aziraphale's direct influence. He's making the car bend to his will and change to meet his desires for what he wants the car to be/look like/drive like. We even see him do this with other technology later in the same episode, when he borrows the cellphone from that random guy and just kinda... talks to it like an operator to get it to call his bookshop, rather than use it properly.
This is canonically just how Aziraphale acts with modern technology, he simply expects it to be or do whatever he wants, and miraculously, it becomes that. Essentially, Aziraphale is doing to the Bentley in this scene what Crowley does to his plants; putting the fear of God into it. I can practically imagine him saying "drive. BETTER!"
IDK, obviously it's open to interpretation, but it just kinda bugs me because the way people have been talking about this scene (among others) just feels like falling back into that classic-fandom habit of boiling Aziraphale's character down to "uwu soft bean~" and literally nothing else. He is soft! Absolutely! But there's also much more to him than that, especially in this season; Michael Sheen himself said in an interview (with Collider, I think) that "...one of the things that we wanted to explore with Aziraphale in this series is perhaps finding something a little steelier underneath the apparent soft surface." He's a multifaceted character, and I took this scene to be that "steelier" side coming out, a demonstration of how stubborn and determined to have his way he can be, even for something small like driving a car.
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neonlight2 · 9 months
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Just finished season 2 of Good Omens… and right in the middle of it I couldn’t help but think what it would be like if Aziraphale and Crowley had a lesbian daughter or best friend and this happened:
*Aziraphale being cute as he arranges his books, while Crowley goes in and out of daydreaming and listening to his husband rant about Jane Auste’s brilliance as an author.
Reader busts through the doors, screaming at the top of her lungs, and scaring the shit out of both of them: “GUESS WHO GOT CHEATED ON!”
Aziraphale: “Oh Heavens, that’s terrible, I’m so sorry dear…” *tries to be supportive and the designated hugger*
Crowley: “Right… *calmly stands up* and where was this, and are they possibly still there or…,”
Aziraphale: “Not the time Crowley.” *he mutters while still hugging and patting the readers back* “Did she at least come clean about it?”
Crowley: *begrudgingly listens and pets the readers head*
Reader: “NO!” *breaks away from the hug with a look of disgust* “I walked in on them!”
Aziraphale: “Good lord—,”
Crowley: *angry demon noises*
Reader: “And it was with a MAN!”
Crowley: “AH now that’s just DISGUSTING— I’m going to go kill them now!”
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actual-changeling · 4 months
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Welcome back to a meta post that was not supposed to exist, but I fucking love answering questions, so here we are.
i got an ask (the answer contains a tl;dr) about why I think Crowley has unstable relationship patterns, and the following will be a detailed look at why this is the case, how Aziraphale plays into it, and what it ultimately means for the two of them.
This won't be as unhinged as my usual analyses, so consider this a special edition of Alex's unhinged meta corner - now hinged.
As always, please remember that this is my personal interpretation—not a generalization—and that genuine questions are welcome, either here on the post or in my inbox!
Everything I will say is based on research I have done, books & studies, and many, many conversations with my therapist (and at points my psychiatrist too); just so you know I'm not making shit up as I go.
Now, in the context of trauma-related/based disorders, what exactly does it mean to have unstable relationship patterns, and how does it apply to Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship?
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Canonically, heaven does not care about what Aziraphale is doing and they are not keeping an eye on him. We know this both from references in the script and their dialogue and what we see throughout the show as a whole. That "fear" of being found out should he openly commit to Crowley is, for the most part, self-fabricated.
Yes, hell would potentially punish him (that potentially is another long post), but that is not something Aziraphale gets to take and use against Crowley, and the fact that does it anyway to 'prove' that he is not behaving incorrectly is a big issue.
What that leaves them with is a very common and well-known relationship pattern that requires a lot of self-awareness, control, and work to break it.
Aziraphale and Crowley get closer, spend more time together, their relationship grows and the intimacy increases, resulting in their behaviour changing to reflect that. They go on more romantic-coded dates (e.g. 1827, whatever the fuck 1941 was), eat together more frequently, drink together and feel comfortable enough to get drunk drunk while in each other's company—which always carries the inherent risk of doing something 'forbidden' while their impulse control is lowered.
I think the second episode of season one is actually a great example for all of this. When they drive to Tadfield, there's a mutually respectful conversation, they tease each other, they bicker like an old married couple, and don't fall into blaming the other for the situation they're in. At the manor, they are openly flirting from the start, laughing about the paintball guns and blowing kisses to miracle away stains, and the wall slam scene honestly speaks for itself.
I wrote a detailed analysis of it right here, which contains the conclusion that the entire interaction was intentional and orchestrated by the two of them.
They are doing great, they're comfortable, intimate—both physically and emotionally—and their sides are already on their asses about the apocalypse, so why not commit to the relationship?
Because Aziraphale gets scared, scared of intimacy, scared of what it would mean for his life, scared of what it would force him to confront (his faith, mostly, which is another gigantic topic), scared of the changes it would bring to their relationship, scared of breaking out of the pattern they have been moving in since the very beginning.
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So he pushes, hard. He insults and denies and hurts Crowley to get as far away from all of that as possible. Push & pull, no matter when, no matter why, it's always the same.
At this point you might be thinking Alex, this is all on Aziraphale, how is this also Crowley's unstable relationship pattern? The answer to that question can be roughly summarized in one sentence:
He does not punish or discourage Aziraphale's behaviour.
There are NEVER lasting—if any—negative consequences for Aziraphale when he forces them into the push/pull dynamic, when he insults him, denies their relationship, calls him evil, you name it. No matter what Aziraphale does, Crowley always forgives and forgets and comes back to him, essentially resetting their loop. That way there cannot be any progress because they're not moving a single inch in either direction that isn't carefully organized and controlled by Aziraphale.
Why does Crowley not confront him? Because he is scared too.
Now, THIS is the part where I explain why I said Crowley has unstable relationship patterns. It is important to understand that Aziraphale's kind of instability is only one possible manifestation, and that they are—broadly speaking—on opposite ends of the spectrum, which not only makes them incredibly compatible, but also makes them worse.
Crowley is terrified of losing Aziraphale permanently and being on his own. God rejected him, heaven rejected him, hell rejected him—his life as been one traumatic incident after the other with a strong focus on abandonment and neglect, especially from people he cared about.
He says himself that Aziraphale is his only friend, he doesn't have anyone or anything else. The bookshop is Aziraphale's anchor, but Crowley has nothing except the Bentley and whatever Aziraphale allows him to partake in. Hell can take his job, his flat, punish and torture him as they please, and make his life, well, hell.
With the Bentley only appearing in the early 20th century, for 99% of his life he had nothing except for Aziraphale, his best friend, the person he loves.
So what does he do? He clings, he circles him and tries to push his orbit just a tiny bit closer whenever there's a gap he can use, trying to solidify their relationship. Terrified of being abandoned again, he swallows and ignores everything and anything negative.
The final fifteen are the FIRST TIME that Aziraphale asked him for something and he said no without changing his mind later—and it was literally the worst case scenario, the one boundary he has that he is not willing to cross for him, literally the barest minimum.
Every other time he relented, gave in, apologized for something that wasn't his fault, have Aziraphale everything he wanted from Hamlet over shooting a gun at his face to giving him the Bentley. Crowley's primary objective is to do whatever it takes to avoid being abandoned, so whenever Aziraphale DOES push back and abandons him/says that he will, he panics. He panics even more when there is an outside source threatening Aziraphale's presence in his life.
Look at how frantic he is when he finds Aziraphale after the bandstand, trying to say whatever it takes to get him to come with him. He does the apology dance, gives in when it comes to Gabriel, and never reacts to Aziraphale in a way that would prompt him to re-think the choices he is making, let alone stop doing the push/pull.
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His identity revolves around Aziraphale, his only relationship is with Aziraphale, he allows him to shape him to his liking as far as he can take and then some, he needs him to be happy, to enjoy himself, to live a life worth living—and Aziraphale needs him to be and do all of those things so he can keep up his behaviour.
They are dangerously co-dependent and just spiral deeper and deeper until they hit rock bottom and are forced to separate.
Look, I have BPD on top of everything else, I have been in a relationship with this exact pattern in Crowley's role, and it is fucking horrible. Absolutely unbearable. My ex-partner was like Aziraphale, pulling and pushing and pulling and pushing but on a daily basis, every few hours. No amount of talking or begging could get them to not behave in a way that would hurt me, and I was so emotionally tied to them and terrified of being alone that just like Crowley, I relented every. single. time. A year and a half and they never, not ONCE, apologized for anything. Ever. Not for hurting me, not for being an asshole, nothing.
The only way I got out was with a lot of therapy, support, and so much emotional work I was having several panic attacks a day because I was so fucking exhausted. Crowley and Aziraphale separating was the best thing that ever happened to their relationship.
Now, Aziraphale is facing negative consequences for his behaviour and is forced to examine himself and deal with all those fears causing him to behave the way he does. Crowley on the other hand is now forced to learn how to exist without Aziraphale to orbit around—he needs to develop an identity that exists outside of Aziraphale, so he can have boundaries and stick to them.
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itsscottiesstark · 2 months
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My best friend (who has been patiently listening to me rant about the ineffable idiots for months now but hadn't watched good omens up till recently but we're only on S02E01) just asked this and we want your opinion:
Would Aziraphale ever gift a Queen record to Crowley?
Now, this could be in a fanfic setting, or even an AU kind of thing.
But my opinion is that while he would have the best intentions, he would be so uninformed that he would just go to Maggie's and say sth like "He- he likes be-bop. And I want to get him a record."
And on the other hand, if Crowley were the one to get Azi a record, he'd research classical music for 3 weeks, find out what records Azi has, find out who his favorite composers are, his favorite pieces, even his favorite performances. And get him that.
No shade on my little angel, he shows his love in a bunch of other ways. But I just think that music specifically wouldn't be something he would get his hands on. Maybe he'd be too scared that he'd make the wrong choice and Crowley wouldn't like the record (though we all know Azi could get him a record playing The wheels on the bus go round and round on repeat and he'd cry happy tears).
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nic-writes-it-all · 9 months
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it’s over, isn’t it? (why can’t i move on?)
(a short post-episode six angsty fic because i’m still struggling to cope <3)
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It’s over.
Crowley knows it’s over, white knuckles clutching the wheel, body shaking.
The Bentley doesn’t agree. She wants to hear nightingales. She wants the passenger seat to be filled.
Crowley doesn’t know what he wants anymore.
Of course he wants Aziraphale. He’s all he wants. Has ever wanted.
But everything is wrong now.
Crowley knows he’s not enough. Has never been enough. He knows “our side” was a sweet fantasy, something Aziraphale would nod along to as a stand-in for the side he really wanted.
Crowley knows, and has known, every time over the last 6000 years that he’s woken up alone.
It’s not fucking fair, he realizes, slamming on the brakes.
Maggie and Nina get time. They get to come back to each other when they’re ready.
Crowley doesn’t get time.
Gabriel and Beelzebub, of all people, get a happy ending. Get HIS happy ending.
The angel and the demon, run away to the stars, their eternity a blank story they get to write together. That’s what he and Aziraphale should have had.
Could have had.
Crowley sits in his car, feeling alone in a way he hasn’t felt since that awful time between falling and the garden. He’s an angel-less demon once again.
They could have been having breakfast at the Ritz right now, toasting “to the world.”
Except, it’s not breakfast time. It’s dark. Crowley’s been driving for Satan knows how many hours.
And, of course, Aziraphale will never go out for a nice breakfast with him again. Not after what happened.
He can’t stop replaying it in his head, looking for what went wrong.
Maybe Crowley should have tried harder. Maybe if he’d spoken first. If he had just kept bargaining. If he hadn’t fucking kissed him-
Crowley can’t breathe.
He’s crying now, shaking and gasping and parked in the middle of the empty road. He doesn’t know where he is. He doesn’t know where he’s going.
Crowley doesn’t know shit about a world without Aziraphale in it.
Against his better judgment, he remembers.
He remembers the stars. The garden.
He remembers the flood, and Job’s basement.
He remembers oysters and crepes, wine and poison and sweet warm cocoa in an angel-wing mug.
He remembers the ducks and the park and Aziraphale’s smile, his laugh, his wings, his hands.
He remembers Warlock and Anathema and the children on the boat and the children at the airbase and Job and Jesus and Muriel, Maggie and Nina and Newt and Nazis, angels and demons and humans and so many people over so many centuries who’d assumed, like Crowley, that he and the angel would just…work out some day. Would just happen.
They, like him, had just assumed that maybe the angel would love the demon just as fiercely as the demon loved the angel.
Crowley loves Aziraphale.
He can’t stop crying now, pathetic and messy and scared.
There is no Crowley without Aziraphale.
Aziraphale is gone. Who is Crowley?
The books will be sold. The coffee will be served. Heaven and Hell will keep running. Earth will spin. Humans will be born and will die and will love and learn and lose and win, and Crowley will still be alone.
It’s so unbearably….unbearable.
Being alive is so lonely.
He puts his foot on the gas.
The car, the plants, and the demon are speeding into the night, going somewhere, anywhere but here.
(read on ao3 here)
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