#as it was he wasnt introduced until about 1/4 of the way into the movie so it felt a little too quick for the proper drama

[queenerdloser]

saw dune 2 and it was fantastic. my no-spoiler review is they really went nuts making the harkonnen as creepy and gross as they possible could and i respect them for that. also. Big Worm.

#liveblogging life #it's a lillll longer than i expected and i kind of wish they'd introduced feyd-rautha earlier #bc it would have given even more of a proper build up to that final fight #as it was he wasnt introduced until about 1/4 of the way into the movie so it felt a little too quick for the proper drama #acting was excellent the cinematography! oh my god! the WORMS! oh my god! #dune 2 spoilers #loved it lots im very curious how they plan to adapt the sequels #every time the harkonnens were on screen i was like physically repulsed backward in my chair by them. good times.

[burningvelvet]

hi can i ask to hear you rant about the 2018 mary shelley maybe

thanks for the ask! this is an unhinged stream of thought & super long of course. will reblog with part 2.

where do i even begin??? 1) its disappointing that the filmmaker is a highly accomplished feminist & role model but then she sells a fake biopic about a historical woman which is twisted to fit a false narrative that mary shelley herself would disagree with. so disappointing! 2) percy shelley wasnt an alcoholic he literally wrote against alcohol consumption in his work on vegetarianism 3) mary literally never even met harriet and if she had the chance she wouldn’t have because she hated her 4) shelley and harriet both saw other people; harriets 3rd child was percy’s; also i dont even remember if harriets suicide is mentioned? why bring her in to demonize percy if not utilizing the main reason why ppl demonize him in the first place? 5) mary didnt like polidori - he literally threatened her partner to a duel & polidori is insulted in the preface to frankenstein - but the film portrays them as good friends omg what 6) all the characters are one-dimensional 7) no offense to byron’s actor who did good with what he was given but the character was written to be like a parody of byron. like a halloween costume gone too far. one review described it as cartoonish & i agree 8) claire is unrecognizable; irl she was firey and bold and funny and she literally asked byron out multiple times before seducing him then followed him across the continent & she’s literally the one who introduced him to mary first then percy!!! percy/byron didn’t know each other prior! all of this is left out!!! 8) hogg is so demonized & rapey; that scene was so uncomfortable and inaccurate; irl he was calm & funny & mary literally was going to have sex with him but didnt bc pregnancy etc. - she wrote all this in her loving letters to him which dont fit the filmmakers agenda; hogg was one of shelley’s best friends etc. 9) most importantly, percy actively encouraged and helped mary with frankenstein & helped edit/publish it and literally wrote part of it & she said she couldn’t do it without him. but in the film they don’t show any of this. 10) shelley was never given credit for frankenstein 11) the actors are nothing like how i would imagine these people but they all did their jobs well and had good chemistry and its so disappointing they werent given a proper script or guidance etc 12) the film was boring as shit, i watched it before i knew anything about the romantics personal lives (so i wasnt even critical when i watched it) & i only got thru the first 20 mins or so then continued i think weeks later vowing to finish it & when i did i was pissed at wasting my time, esp the scene with mary/claire crying ugh it was so painful to watch and not in a good way 13) i was actually relieved when i found out the film was inaccurate & that these events werent as boring as they were presented. like i knew the film had to be wrong & dismissed it before i even started learning about the romantics. like these are some of the most fascinating people in history how do you make them that boring & one-dimensional & insufferable 14) the figures themselves would all hate the movie 15) why is it called “mary shelley” when it should be called “mary and percy” or “the making of frankenstein” bc thats all the film really focuses on tbh! she lived decades after frankenstein and wrote other stuff too. but i dont think the director or the writer knew any of that 16) byron was the only entertaining part ngl (tbh whether demonizing or glorifying him it would be impossible to make byron boring; hugh grants version almost was except he’s hugh grant) 17) no grave sex? cowards. most historians agree mary and percy had sex for the first time on her mother’s grave. 18) shelley/claire were best friends, most historians believe they had an affair, & mary and claire had a lot of arguments until mary kicked her out (they loved each other but didnt like living together). none of this is shown! instead mary/claire are girlbossing against evil man percy. if they wanted to demonize him so bad why didnt they use the claire affair.

#asks #romanticism #me

[wheelercore]

Honestly, I think there's a chance that the real big bad (tm) hasnt even been revealed yet.

Just a random thought, maybe wrong, but:

There's so many aspects of Prisoners taken and put into ST, particuarily in season 1&4. One of the most important things being that detective Loki runs through multiple suspects for the entire two and a half hour runtime before finding out it's Holly right at the very end of the movie:

The parents usually being the first suspects- as a formality Keller and his wife were questioned. Lonnie was understandably suspected for a short amount of time in s1 also, however it wasn't him.

Sexual predators in the area- again, very understandable suspects, however nothing turned up for this either. I believe this lines up very well with season 1&2 and it's SA allegories + the MF being shaped like a "spider" which is associated with "predators" in ST retroactively in s4.

Alex & Bob- obviously "different" outcasts who are victims themselves but, because they werent "normal" due to the trauma, they were suspected of having done the deed. Alex was taken very young and due to his mental disability couldn't really understand what he was doing when he brought the children to Holly. Bob had no involvement but his habit of recreating child abductions like his own made him look hella sus.

And finally the true perpetrator was Holly- aggressively normal mild mannered (ex) Christian Holly Jones who mostly kept to herself and didn't cause any problems. Part of the tight knit religious community and literally never would have raised any red flags for anyone. The lesson being here, the one Keller learned the hard way, was that the real monster was someone who was more like him than Alex and Bob ever were.

The reason why I can't reconcile Holly Jones with Henry Creel is because they are direct opposites of each other. Henry was always different and treated horribly because he wasnt "normal". He would be the scapegoat not the overlooked perp. The thing about Holly is that she was always present from the very beginning- it's just nobody suspected because she played the part of a normal member of this small community so well despite being a child murdering psychopath. Holly being that way is so integral to the message of the movie that I can't believe that the Duffers would use Prisoners as their initial inspo and so clearly reference it repeatedly in s4 only to toss out one of it's very core messages.

Henry has much more in common with Alex Jones and Bob if anything. Alex who was abducted himself at a young age and then aided Holly in abducting other children + Bob who came in as a red herring 3/4th into the movie until he committed suicide and the realization that it wasnt him after all. It lines up so well with what we've seen from Henry: introduced officially in the penultimate (not the final) season as the one stated bluntly twice to be apparently "behind it all" so much so that we have El asking Henry if it was him all along and he paused for a loooong moment before giving the tiniest nod (like, idk that was suspicious to me but maybe I'm looking too much into it).

That plus all that is left to learn about Henry's backstory that is being kept from us until s5 for whatever reason. Why is everything about Virginia kept so vague? Why is Alice so sus? How did Henry get his abilities? How does the MF play into this, if it does?

#idk idk just saying im fully prepared to be wrong #henry creel #stranger things

[garne--tt]

x japan iceberg explained;

before i start, i probably didnt explain something right and if u want to correct me or add something, feel free and even dm me about it! + i will add trigger warnings for possible triggering content in this post

1.

formed in 1982 - x was formed in 1982 after toshis and yoshikis previous band disbanded

X --> X JAPAN - they changed their name from X to X JAPAN in 1992 in order to distinguish themselves from the american punk rock band X 

Saw IV - a horror movie from 2007, x japan did a theme song I.V. for the movie, it was their first song released since 1998

new album - an new x japan album that was supposed to be released lots of times over the 10+years but still (to this day) wasnt released

coachella 2018 - x japan performed at coachella 2018, many fans are saying how the sound was bad (usually blaming it on the sound production team?? or whatever its called) and apparently sugizo and yoshiki were seen arguing with the sound production team

we are x - a 2016 documentary about x japan (or rather yoshiki, because apparently it was mainly focusing on him)

psychidelic violence crime of visual shock - a slogan, mainly seen on the blue blood album cover, the term visual kei was derived from the slogan yoshiki, toshi, hide, pata, taiji - the most known lineup, from 1987 to 1992

2. tw// suicide mention

violet uk - one of unfinished yoshikis projects, started in 2002, didnt even debut but was supposed to in 2012

V2 - unit of yoshiki and tetsuya komuro, was active in 1992, they released one single and did one concert

ra:in - patas band, active since 2002, members are - pata, michiaki, die (also former member of spread beaver), ryu

noise/dynamite - toshis and yoshikis first band, formed in 1977 as dynamite, then they changed the name to noise, noise disbanded in 1982

s.k.i.n. - superband (group) of yoshiki, gackt, miyavi and sugizo, their only activity was in 2007 and it was live, they announced more activities but they were stopped

xfreaks - an international xjapan fan forum created in 2006

dope headz - band that had heath and pata as members, active from 2000 to 2003

hide with spread beaver - hides live band, other members were kiyoshi, k.a.z, hiroshi watanabe, satoshi miyawaki, d.i.e, i.n.a

zilch - supergroup formed by hide in 1996, other members were ray mcveigh,paul raven, joey castillo and i.n.a

lynx - one of heaths band, active from 2004-?, the vocalist for this band was issay from der zibet

yokosuka saver tiger - hides former band, he was member from 1981 to 1986 sugizo - luna sea guitarist, he joined x japan in 2008

hides death - hide committed suicide in 1998 (he hanged himself) update: this is what authorities said and what is official

3. tw// suicide

taijis death - in 2011 taiji was flying from japan to saipan, on the flight he got into fight with his manager (or flight attendant?), he was arrested after they landed in saipan and then he hanged himself with bedsheet in his cell

x japan translations - an site that had xjapan translations (like toshis book etc...), the site was active and up until 2018

taijis departure from X - taiji left X in 1992, but we dont know the exact reason why he left

toshi was in cult - toshi was member of cult known as home of heart from the late 90s (1998?)

1997 - the year x japan disbanded

yoshiki and queen elizabeth incident - in 2019 during royal windsor cup yoshikis scarf accidentally landed on queen elizabeth

yoshiki knows everyone - (not everyone ofc) but he met a lot of celebrities, politicians (barrack obama, johnny depp, prince phillip, bts etc,,)

art of life - a 29 minute song released released in 1993, it was was recorded only in english, the theme of the song are yoshikis suicidal tendencies, art of life was meant to be released in the jealousy album (1991)

yoshikis father - yoshikis father committed suicide when yoshiki was 10 years old

taijis cut off joint on finger - taiji when he was kid, showed his hand into a factory machine (his family owned factory) and cut off his first joint on his finger

yoshikis health problems - yoshiki has tons of health problem since he was child (asthma, he was always sick and spent most of the time in hospitals etc,,) and suffers from many of health problems even now

4.

toshis healing music - toshis music he made during the home of heart era

kaori moritani & masaya - kaori moritani is toshis ex wife, they met in around 1993 when they played in rock opera hamlet, they got married in 1997 and divorced in 2010, she introduced him to masaya (and got him, or rather manipulated him, into home of heart) 

masaya -  real name tōru kurabuchi - musician and leader of home of heart

-more about home of heart and the whole situation here: https://bloodydesertrose.tumblr.com/post/96662764536/support-toshi-dont-buy-or-listen-to-any-of-his-songs

debut in usa - x japan was supposed to debut in usa in the 90s (and even changed their name because of it, x-->xjapan)

extasy record - label formed by yoshiki in 1986, the first release under extasy records was x orgasm ep, the label had bands like xjapan, luna sea, glay, zi:kill tokyo yankees and more

yoshiki paid for taijis new teeth - after hides funeral yoshiki noticed that taijis some teeth were missing or chipped, so he handed him around 2 million yen (around 18 497 usd) to get his teeth fixed

l.o.x. - punk rock supergroup, yoshiki was drummer in this band, they also used to be named masami & l.o.x (masami was their vocalist), masami collapsed and fell into coma in 1989 and died in 1992 due to pneumonia in coma, l.o.x released one album with different vocalist (one of them which was toshi and yoshiki went by the alias shiratori rei here on the album) in 1990, l.o.x. released one song in 2002 in memory of masami

standing sex promotional shot & single cover - the promotional shot & single cover basically shows yoshiki nude (with his intimate parts covered of course + this wasnt the only time yoshiki has done something like this) 

rose & blood -indies of x- - an unofficial album with demos and unreleased x songs

unreleased & old songs - there are a lot unreleased songs + unreleased old songs or just old songs that dont get played anymore

5.

rosenfeld - crows in black - blue blood has similar guitar riff (i dont know how to say it) to this song (crows in black / b was firstly recorded on demo in 1986)

former members - x japan has big amount of former members - 11 former members (excluding taiji and hide from this)

terry - a former member of x, he was one of the original members (being a member from 1982 to 1985), terry died in 2002 in car accident

yoshiki got sued by hides brother - yoshiki got sued by headwax (hides company which hides brother owns) for using hides photos, apparently they had a contract but it expired and yoshiki still used hides photos even though the contract expired

x japan condoms - they were released in 1993 with the intent to help increase awareness and prevent the spread of AIDS. the reason why they probably did this is that toshis fan died at the age of 19 due to AIDS (toshi even dedicated a song to him - passion of love and became a active member and sponsor of association of struggle against AIDS)

heath cow story - when heath joined xjapan they celebrated it by drinking and then driving 2 hours to cow farm, then they drove to aquarium but it was already closed

heath leaving x japan - in 2009 there was a rumor that heath would leave x japan, apparently this was caused due to heaths contract problems (?) dementia - taijis former band, he was member from 1984 to 1985 and went under the name ray

pata was roadie for x - before joining x in 1987, he was roadie for x (or the member hally) around the time in 1986 (1985?)

6.

pink spider was a suicide note - this one is a rumor/theory that is circulating around, fans analysed the lyrics and came to conclusion that its suicide note

x stayed at different hotels than other bands - when x was on tour with other bands they were staying at different hotels than other bands, because one time (on tour with other bands and in hotel) hide got into drunk fight with juichi morishige (lead vocalist of ziggy) and sprayed the entire hotel lounge with fire extinguisher

taiji was homeless - taiji was homeless for around 2 years (1996-1998), due to financial issues + he got divorced at this time

heaths myspace account - there was heath myspace account, but it wasnt him, it was someone pretending to be him

weekend pv theory - (i dont know if i should have put this here to be honest) a theory that x members chose what their death would be in weekend pv (yoshiki - suicide, hide - suicide in drunken rage??, taiji - murder, pata - alcohol poisoning, toshi doesnt die in the pv)

7.

hide vocaloid - hides unreleased song co gal got finished via vocaloid (using his voice samples from various songs of his)

yoshiki lead singer - before toshi was chosen to be the lead vocalist for x, yoshiki was the vocalist (there is also a recording of stab me in the back with mostly yoshiki on vocals!)

hide and marilyn manson meet up story - im gonna just attach a screenshot of the story

taiji was murdered - taiji committed suicide in 2011 in his cell on saipan, but there are some things that point to the possibility that he was murdered (his manager insisted on cremating his body and got cremated without autopsy, money got transfered on his account, information missing from the internet?? etc,,) 

juns tape - demo tape recorded in 1986 by at the time X guitarist jun, tape contains instrumental recordings of unreleased songs right now, only way, tune up and one unnamed song.

ill kill you single cover - cover of 1985 X single ill kill you, it contains photos of victims of the vietnam war

feel me tonight - demo tape from 1985/1986, it contains songs feel me tonight and stab me in the back (all of them are under one minute here) sung by their at the time guitarist hally (apparently there aslo should be yoshiki version of it, but i dont know how much we can trust metal archives)

8. tw// eating disorder mention

yoshiki hired someone to kill taiji - this one is a rumor!!!, yoshiki was supposed to get/hire yakuza to kill taiji hide had an eating disorder - this one is unconfirmed!!! hide  suffered from bulimia (yoshiki walked on him purging - and this story was also apparently told by yoshiki???)

#long post #xjapan #x japan #iceberg #this was supposed to be posted on twitter #but when i was in the half i couldnt add more things to the thread anymore #tw eating disorder mention #tw suicide mention #jrock #visual kei #vkei

[the-sunshine-dims]

amnesia rewrite! (chapter 6)

ch 1 | ch 2 | ch 3 | ch 4 | ch 5 | ch 7 | ch 8 |

original fic

words: 1692

ao3

contents and warnings: amnesia, deaged Janus, food, fluff, weeping angel mention, pranks, 

____

Patton knew individually both Virgil and Janus were very strong spirits, and he had learned over the past couple weeks that together they were.. well, chaotic, but surely

surely.

It wouldn’t be normal for them to do- well whatever they did, Patton could only guess as roman chased them, covered in a sparkly goop, and yelling a couple of nonsense phrases as well as what Patton could only make out as “undo it!” 

He really hoped it wouldn’t be normal.

Patton pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing to himself, before taking pity on both poor Roman and the flooring which was ever so slowly being fully covered with the goop as well, he loudly coughed to get their attention, having the intended effect of having them all halt in there running, “did you two do this?” He asked in his practiced and patented dad voice, already pretty certain he knew the answer but still asking anyway.

Janus immediately piped up, taking the attention from Virgil who had actually not fully stopped and had kept slowly side-stepping away from roman “No!” He told him insistently, not wanting him or Virgil to get in trouble and have the invite of movie night be rescinded, it was the first time it was calm enough and no one was too busy for one, which meant it was his first movie night, he didn’t want to miss it! still despite his very best attempt it was very very, abundently clear to Patton that he was lying, which wasn’t as big a surprise as Janus wished it would be, after all, he was a very shifty character.

the effort made Patton make sure to be soft with his tone however before he was just about to reply Virgil spoke up to talk to Janus, “dee patt’s smart enough to know we did it- and even if he didn’t would you really wanna not take credit for the awesome prank?” He asked vaguely motioning to Roman who was halfway across the room from him now.

Janus pouted- actually pouted and Patton couldn’t help but silently chuckle to himself, thankfully unnoticed by all other parties, and once he had stopped pouting he just turned around to face patton and immediately looked down to fiddle with his sleeves as he quietly went “okay.. we did, ‘m sorry” he said, focusing his attention on Patton.

“You don’t need to apologize to me, Roman’s the one who’s affected and deserves an apology.” he told him, and speaking of Roman, “Roman when you’re ready the bathroom should be free why don’t you take a shower, it doesn’t appear that the goo was made with just a snap,” Roman sighed loudly before nodding and Patton smiled at him before turning his attention once again to the two chaos bringers “now, you two clean the mess from when he was chasing after you and later you’ll have to help me with movie night preparation, sound relatively Fair?” 

Virgil, Janus, and Roman mumbled a chorus of yes’s, Romans more prominent as he was happy to get some retribution for their crimes. Patton nodded- mostly to himself, “good.” 

It would be days before he ended up admitting to the two that he actually found the prank kind of funny, because by then Roman, while still acting offended by the pure mention of it, everyone could tell that it was purely lighthearted and he was in no way mad.

It would be only hours though until he admitted it was adorable and so very sweet how much Janus had latched and pretty much imprinted onto Virgil, following him around like a little duckling, (and when Virgil was truly busy Roman was a close second, however, it didn’t seem to save him.)

_______

“..Roman why are you sparkly?” 

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” roman grumbled back.

Patton chuckled as he listened to the short-lived conversation of the two from the kitchen, Virgil and Janus had been helping him with prepping everything for the movie night but as making popcorn was the last thing they needed to do (and they and Roman had gotten banned from the kitchen because while one of them had tried to make pasta while waiting for the plain water to heat up it somehow caught on fire) so he let them go, to do what they wanted to do until everyone gathered for the movie.

After a bit he was finally done popping it so he then sifted popcorn into the two bowls, one for just melted butter and salt for Logan and Virgil and one bowl with sugar and melted butter for Roman and himself and maybe Remus if he joined them, and Janus was welcome to both as Patton hadn’t really been able to memorize his favorite yet.

He smiled as walked out, quickly setting the popcorn bowls down onto the coffee table, before happily sitting and leaning into Roman’s side, he hummed quietly to himself as he waited for Virgil to come back down before he noticed that Janus was just standing there, near the tv not really doing something, barely even moving.

He took worry-filled moment to take a breath before just going “hey dee? You wanna sit down kiddo?” And Patting the spot next to him, he didn’t want him to feel like the odd one out and feel too awkward to sit down, so he wanted to offer a clear invitation just incase, logan had said he occasionally needed that.

Janus glanced at Patton momentarily, before shaking his head insistently “no, waiting,” He explained, well it might’ve been explaining to him but it gave much more questions than answers, and honestly it was kind of scaring Patton especially as he immediately went back to staring at a specific spot, and a long while back Virgil had introduced him to what weeping angels were, so now he was scared to look away when his kiddos stared at either him or a very specific spot that didn’t ever vary for a prolonged time.

After a bit Virgil came down and sat right next to Logan, who had been silently reading a book against the armrest,

Then the moment Virgil sat down and everybody got situated- not even a second later, Janus ran full force at the couch and threw himself onto them, eliciting a variety of startled yelps and shrieks from them, and after a moment of him just happily using all of theirs legs as pillows as they remained completely stunned, Roman, Logan, and Paton just started to make noises of both bewilderment and dramatic alarm, however, the former was more of Romans doing, despite the only Part of Janus that was even touching him was his arms, extended like a stretching cat, though honestly despite the earlier prank Patton felt like if it had been anyone else and not Janus who had done that Roman would make much more fanfare about the throwing themself at them at all, Patton smiled to himself at the notion before grabbing the remote and stretching to hand it to Logan, absentmindedly starting to card his fingers through Janus’s hair.

Janus smiled contently as he got comfortable, happy with just being so close to his family. 

_______

It had been maybe two and a half movies before Patton looked around, about to tell them another movie-based pun before he realized that They all had fallen fast asleep, Roman’s head lulled to the side and leaning on him much more than patton realized, Virgil cuddling Logan closely, and Janus holding patton’s arm captive, close to his chest, Patton barely suppressed an adoring coo with just how adorable the scene was before he realized that one of them wasn’t asleep, though he wasn’t that far away from it.

He looked over to focus more on Logan, who was trying so hard to watch the movie, blinking his eyes open after they started drooping more than three times in a single minute. 

Patton smiled fondly before quietly going “lo, dear, you should go to sleep,”

Logan paused as he processed his words before he gave Patton a sheepish- and very groggy- smile, then he looked down to his lap, doing his best to avoid eye contact, and Patton realized a very important thing as Logan mumbled “‘mm don’ wanna move,” because while Virgil was very cuddly currently, Logan was equally cuddly, and he appeared very content to be so.

Patton chuckled softly as he understood, before going to shake his head lovingly, “lo-lo you don’t have to go upstairs to go to bed, you can just go to sleep in the cuddle pile with us, I was just saying if you're sleepy it’d be good to go to sleep.”

Logan made a small little “oh” sound, making it abundantly obvious even if it wasnt already that he was too tired to of even considered that, before grinning so brightly and so groggily and happily collapsing into Virgil’s chest.

And Patton couldn’t see exactly but he wouldn’t be surprised if Logan instantly fell asleep, he gave a small chuckle before doing his best to cover everybody with the blankets they had gradually grabbed and brought over to the couch to make sure no one got cold in the middle of the night.

After he was done he grabbed the remote from where Logan had put it and turned the tv off, soon continuing to card his fingers through Janus’s hair with his non-stolen hand.

And as Janus just melted even more at the contact Patton’s heart just melted once. 

It didnt take long for patton to start getting drowsy now that he didnt have something to pay attention to and soon Janus and Patton started to Have incoherent conversations, Patton didn't even know if he had partially awoken or if it was just mid-sleep mumbles, but it didn't matter because he wasn’t even forming real or coherent words either, suddenly too tired to even realize it.

And not long after he could only yawn as he tried to keep his eyes open, before just collapsing against Roman’s shoulder and being the final one to quickly doze off.

#ts janus #ts roman #ts patton #ts virgil #ts logan #im so sorry for next chapter #roman sanders #janus sanders #patton sanders #logan sanders #virgil sanders #sanders sides #amnesia rewrite #sanders sides fic #sanders sides writing #the cold one writes #fluff

[justabeadlizard]

STAR WARS CHARACTERS THAT WAISTED POTENTIAL IN THE SEQUALS

I am in no way saayig i liked these characters i just think they could have had better and more satisfying arcs. Sorry for the spelling and grammer also i forgot the movie names 

Criteria: 1. They were in the 1st and 2nd movie. The third had no room to introduce new people or give them satisfying character arcs. 2. i remember them. at the time i begin its 12:35 am and i hope god kills me

8. that force kid

ya know that one kid who had the force at the end of the second movie and was never addressed??? with the broom??? its like this post where were they going with that???

7. Captain Phasma

i forgot who played her but she was like.....cool and should have been a scarier villian. she did demonstrate girl power by not having tity armor, proving some of the storm troopers could have been girls this entire time, and having cool armor. but thats it

6. Hux

look i dont like this bastard i just think he could have had a consistant charcter?? like bad guy, prank called, spy???? BITCH WHERE!!! he had an Aesthetic and they trashed it. also when did we all decied he had a cat????

5. Kylo Ren/Ben Solo

i might not like hux but i hate this guy. and i hate him so much because he’s my fav trope done bad. like look i SIMP for Zuko ok? like absoulutely and Kylo?? he had potential. the whole han stabbed himself would have been genuenly cool. the force parter thing? rad! the idea that there needs to be both light and dark for the universe to be balanced and with a power couple?? love that! if he had a genuenie redemption and felt bad and appologized to all those he hurt. but disney just said bAgIc TrAcKsToRy and robbed us of what could have been a cool character. i have so many emotions about him but i also hate this stinky man

4. Rose Tico

Rose’s sister did not die with a fucking matching space necklace for rose to go out the window in ROS. like that i get i wasnt expecting them to be like Pacific Rim and let her mourn her siblings but she and Finn kiss and that is never addressed. at all. like what? what was happening god were the 2nd and 3rd movies even connected??? she deserved so much better!!!! i love her!! another kickass woman lead!!

3. Poe Damion

ok first off hes gay so write that down. but also he is sorta robbed in the second movie right?? like i wuld have loved for him to spend time with Finn. like that scarf in movie a la 3 but like theres nothing. hell the comp het they making him do in 3 isnt even that hard of an effort and that one detail that he’s waiting to give his lover his mothers ring??? god use that why dont ya. im loosing my grip on the physical world at this point

2. Rey

so like did her parents matter or not??? Im confused. also why did we need to know that palpatine knocked someone up. let her parents not matter or have them matter!!! She’s a cool female protag but peop[le still be out here like women cant force bend. I DONT CARE SAY UR SEXIST BUT LET HER BE A WILD AND MESS GIRL!!!!!! LET HER HAVE JUST AS MUCH GROWTH AND RESPECT AS LUKE!!!!!! i want to care about her but ive lost that along with my ability to smell

1. Finn

hey ya know who are some of my fave characters? the clones. why? because of their very unique perspective. they fight in this war yet most of them have no illusions. they were built to kill until they are inevitably sacrificed on the battle field. Stormtroopers are evenmore so as they are not even allowed to make familial connections or have names in the system. Finn could have been such a cool character with such a cool perspective. also his force sensitivity should have played a larger point in the movie. in the scene were he gets a bloody handprint on his face it would have been so much more rewarding if we knew that as a force user he was an empath and felt that person die. the implacations of a thing i just now realized. think about it!!! raised in a cold emotionless place and the first major emotion spike is death?? im aware that as a trooper that wouldnt have been the first major moment he felt others emotions but what if that was the one where he figured out what was happening, willingly amplifiyed that persons emotions so he could fell them more clearly and then felt them die. also he and poe were dating 

THE SINGULAR EDIT THAT WILL EXIST--THE ONES WHO WERE DONE DID DIRTY THE MOST WERE THE CAST!! I STAN ALL OF THEM AND ALSO EVERYONE WHO HAD TO WORK ON THOSE COULD HAVE BEEN GOOD MOVIES THANK YOU AND STAN JOHN BOYEGA ESPECIALLY NOW

in conclusion, im not sorry and i do make the rules. i will never edit tjis and it is 1:16 am, my limbs are week and i cant spell. luke should be on there but i feel like i can make another 12-1 am review about him a lone so maybe i will. im going into a comma now  030

#star wars #star wars rise of skywalker #star wars sequel trilogy #god kill me now #finn #poe dameron #poe deserved better #rey #kylo ren #i worked hard so i want people to see it so excessive tags #sequal trilogy #rose tico #star wars force awakens #star wars last jedi #captain phasma #hux #remember rhat joke that hux was a weasly??? #also where was that from??? #no more tag ideas baaaaaaaaaabbbbbbeeeeyyyy

[sikereviewdotcom]

undercover brother (2002) review

sup been a while but didnt forget about yall and your eager butts to dive head first right in the flooding words coming out of my mouth today gonna rev "undercover brother" (2002), its gonna be solid guys

so we start with an introduction where we talk about how black culture was losing its flavour after the 70s, progress was slowed down n all as we reached 2000 but dont be fooled, its all cause of a buncha events orchastred by "the man"... a big racist mf ig whos also the kkk equivalent of the team rocket boss, sitting in a ig chair, never see his face in the flashbacks or like the bad guy in inspector gadget, more like him ig since we actually see the team R boss face quite often nonetheless, theres a form of mystery folding this whole business... THE MAN acts in the shadows and he hates to see how dark those are, he wants things to be like it used to be back in slavery times good oltime for him but.. not for the fam

ofc then here is introduced THE REAL MAN OF MEN => undercover brother, our hero and damn he has the style of a whole pack of elephants trampling around in pink disco suits every ladies wanna a piece of that sweet fro he is packing up on his head, funky

ngl, the whole way this mov is filmed n edited is sike asf, dope guys especially considerin its actually made in 2002, loving it anyway then were also introduced to the other secondary protags who are from an organisation here to stop The Mans evil doings and careful: undercover bro was actually a solo act until now cause now they gonna collaborate all throughout da mov: its the B.R.O.T.H.E.R.H.O.O.D, with conspiracy brother (tbh a fav here, guys wack like the whole plot guy thinks computer comes from a story involving peanut and idk guys he keeps rambling bout bs which makes him a+ character) smart brother, chief and sister girl (original name/10)

so btw the organization is on a mission rn at the beginning to destroy The Man (lets call him tm for the rest of this rev) financial infrastructure aka funds to stop him better or smthg and it gets spicy as they get caught but ofc undercover bro barges in from nowhere wow big disguise as an old man no one noticed him so like slash bawow boom vlam, bad guys ko and he squeedaddle out of there like twas breeze gg man, he also get fed a nice editing of xrays battle like with a side of kungfu n whatnot, undercover bro knows his stuff

nice sounds effects ah yes btw romantic intrigue with sister girl begins here, its the zinc of the flinch as ub (undercover brother) notices her big wink wink nudge nudge, btw later she is asked to go enlist him in the corps so he can help stop the man with them n shit and he trynna get her in his bed cause thats we this brother is used to, getting laid as soon as he meets a chick, who can resist this dude?

he gots moves, fro, style, skills and also at times he is a pussy but k, not everyones perf sometimes you just simp for a white blond blue eyed woman (spoiler) and crawls on all four looking like a big preppy nerd btw in this review im trynna not spoil the whole plot cause guys, this movie gotta be on yo watch list kay? im not here to ruin this experience in yo life itd be pretty uncool of me so im just gonna state the big lines then its up to you to swoop the tiny ones out of the watch, knot your own breds n stuff

back on the whooper slapping: intro credits roll, we get some nice back story for our hero, making sure we can understand his cause in saving the black peeps from TMs assholery might truth n justice be your guide

so what the big plot then? well yknow how a big antag cant do shit on his own cause hes too busy sticking brooms up his ass in his private quarters? yea well same goes here so there this gay guy who will be twerking later on btw, a scene to behold, rumps to ogle at, so hes a bad guy and gay n gonna do most of the dirty work for TM, whats new? idk what to think of it yknow its a stereotype in movs so ig ok still uncool but ill see it as all in good spirit cause theres bad n good im not excepting this to be the best watch of my life, nah it wasnt either, but i had a good laugh kay? makes up for it cause unlike some here i got no shit up my ass alley its clean scrubbed up n down so i can smoothly take a chillax up n a shit out without a night tormented by constipation, nah its all sliding where it should no pain no sweat

so the big lines is that a war hero whos a black man is gonna become president and wtf no is the only react racist mf could have which is what they have, bad guys gonna stop it from happening at once and the brotherhood aint letting it happens cause obvs something is wrong as every black peeps gonna turn into a stereotype like waddup in this mad world? its all because of the poisonous fried chicken brand TM will get around ty to another poison to make our war hero delusional n so on were also introduced to white evil she-ra later btw, just dropping this in cause undercover brother really wants to make oreos with her n sister girl (his words) ig shes the second love interest, im not too invested in this romantic intrigue it was just necessary not like twas very developped anyway its even more of a bedroom intrigue when it comes the the white blue eyed blond chick, sister girl before hoes yo

whats it in conclusion about this movie? first, the plot: hilarious biznasty worthy a+ bs especially how its turned yknow, the clichés were turned upside down n if not theyre just turned into a big satire of themselves editing + music ? yknow its actually good, and funky asf im digging it, a travel in time nostalgia of times i lived acting is pretty neat its not an ironically good movie cause its hilariously ridiculous in the making way its all about the plot here, plot twists and characters, the whole universe ig like its superior to big mamma sorta plot or maybe im dropping this comparison cause its been a while since i saw big maam, for sure twas under estimated while over brought when this here? it got freshness packed in

the spoiling was light and this is cause this movie got a 69/10 rating jk 8/10 if were gonna be serious, im gonna list wats unwoke n uncool here: 1 gay villain stereot, gotta be honest here its not that big of a deal tme seeing when it was made and how i still laughed yknow idc this much but some could go apeshit over it 2 not enough conspiracy brother content: this is all i ask for 3 had no snacks while watching the movie, too bad id dig a aj or grape soda right about now n then 4 more lines for car wash chicks jk this last one idc about, but car wash representation is lacking once again in american movies, i cant believe how looked over it is, as if they didnt need smore rep in the medias its not an easy job washing car all day long, standin in those ghost buster lookin suit while staring at the hot guys in hot wheelys, whos gonna pay you a drink when youre just an old carwash lady? thought finally a hero would step up in this movie but there it goes thrown out da window, the potential was real until it got blown away sure sister girl was a solid character but give the washers some credits cut them a slack of free time n have a lil date together there on top of a truck to keep it native

nonetheless this is a top rec for anyone who feels like slipping into some conspiracy slippers

tg, out

#undercover brother #sike reviews #movie review #undercover brother review

[welllbeing]

tw

so I realized I didnt put trigger warnings on my other posts talking about rape and I’m sorry. 

but I left out the fact that it was a tinder date. I actually left out a lot, I didnt tell the whole story and I havent told this to anyone in person either but I want to get it out somewhere. now, the guy from tinder wasn’t the one who raped me. it was another guy who was there, 

this is going to be a long post

the tinder guy and I talked for a litle bit here and there before I went. he seemed nice and would send me snaps every day. so at the time, it all felt like I had just misunderstood the situation but now that I think about it, it seems a little weird. 

so this guy was originally supposed to come pick me up from my house and we were going to go get food and maybe see a movie. but then he suggested me going there because we could eat something and then go swimming later since there was a pool in the backyard. I was up for it so I said okay and drove out there. 

when I was leaving he had told me it was only 25 minutes. my gps said 48. I went anyway. then I got there I learned that its not even his house, its his friends and they were having a small pool party. I didnt expect there to be other people but I figured that he probably wanted to see how I got along with his friends and everything and there was a girl there so I just sat with her while he ran out to the store for snacks and stuff. she was really nice and the guys kind of stuck to themselves playing in the pool, I felt fine about the whole thing. 

now,, tinder guy said hello when I got there and introduced me to his friends but then he kinda didnt pay any attention to me for the rest of the time that we were outside. and it didnt bother me then, he was playing in the pool, I wasn’t, so it kinda just made sense. but then we all went inside and were going to smoke on the screened in porch, the girl went in to pee and then the guys went in to get alcohol and to roll so i was left out on the porch for a while because they all ended up standing in the kitchen talking while two of the guys rolled and the other made drinks. I just stayed on the porch since i was smoking a cigarette but tinder guy eventually came out and sat and talked with me for a little bit. everyone else came about 10 minutes later so we all started smoking and drinking. 

now, I dont smoke often but I can smoke a whole blunt by myself and be fine. we shared between 8 people (a couple of other people came after a while). and I can drink an entire bottle of fireball and just be tipsy. now idk what was up with me that night but I had one shot and two moonshine soaked cherries and then only hit the blunt 4 times and at first I was fine but then i started to feel nauseous and then I felt hot in the face but cold on the back of my head and I felt incredibly dizzy. so i got off of the stool i was sitting on and went and got on the couch that was on the porch. i sat there and just waited it out. 

by the time the nausea went away, most of the people went inside to play video games (including tinder guy) and I was left outside with two of the guys. guess who being one of them. the three of us talked for about 20 minutes or so and then the guy that owned the house started telling everyone he was going to bed so people started leaving. it ended up being just me, tinder guy, and ‘you know who’ left (I dont know what to call him.). tinder guy was still inside but the other guy asked me if I could give him a ride home, said that the guy that brought him home left and that he was on the way to where I was headed. I said sure. tinder guy came back out and offered to give him a ride home shortly after but he told him that I already would. now, this conversation at first made me feel like he wasnt wanting me to give him a ride, and idk maybe he didnt and im just reading into it too much, but heres what happened. 

tinder guy asked if I was sure, I said I didnt mind since it was on the way and I had already told him yes. he told me that he could take him and I still said it was fine. now i took that as him either being nice or possibly being jealous that i was gonna drive another guy home even though i came to see him. but I was honestly a little annoyed that he ignored me for all but 10 minutes the entire night and that it was 1 am and i still had to drive another 48 minutes and be at work in the morning but I was also just trying to be nice and save him having to go the opposite way from his house to take this guy home. so I said I would. 

we all started saying goodbye to each other, the guy who lived there went inside so the three of us went out to the yard, and I started walking to the car. but it wasnt until I got to the car that I realized the guy wasnt following me so i just sat on the hood of the car and waited. it was about 15 minutes before he came to the car and I guess wiinder guy went back in because he didnt come through the gate. I didnt think anything of it, I thought they were just talking about something you know? like theyre friends right? we’ll touch on this later. 

so ‘you know who’ got in the car and I turned my lights on and realized someone had parked behind me. I dont know why I didnt realise that until after I got in the car, i still had some of that weird lightheaded feeling and my brain was a little foggy but I figured I had driven while high before so id be fine. I couldnt figure out how to get around the car without driving all over the guys lawn though and he was trying to direct me on what to do but I didnt want to hit another car (some people stayed the night there so there were about four cars around mine) so he offered to do it and I let him get in the drivers seat. 

so once we got out of the driveway, I expected him to stop and get out but he kept going and asked if it was okay if he drove to his house so he wouldnt have to give me directions. it made sense to me at the time because he knew where he was going, I didnt. and even though i wasnt liek ‘i cant walk or speak’ high or drunk but i did have slightly delayed reactions. and i remember him asking how I knew tinder guy so I told him from tinder and he asked if it was supposed to be a date and I think i said that I wasnt sure. but I know that i wasnt hearing some things he was saying because at one point he had apparently been asking me if he could ask me a question but I didnt answer so he typed it on his phone and held it in front of my face instead. I hadnt smoked in a while so I think thats why I did got so high before and was still high at this point but I mean i dont really smoke much anyway and that feeling has only happened one other time when I smoked a blunt and a half by myself and held my breath on the last inhale. but this was only four hits so its odd when I think about it. 

but the question he asked me basically boiled down to asking me if i wanted to fuck. it just took him 5 minutes of elaborate explaining to do that. I said that wasnt what I came here for and that I needed to go home because i had work. 

at this point, we had pulled into a neighborhood but I’m pretty sure he just drove the car around in circles all over the neighborhood either a) to confuse me about where his house was because they all look the same or b) to stall. probably both. because I have no idea which house was his or how we even got there, i just remember it was on the right side. and he also spend 15 minutes driving around this neighborhood trying to talk me into hooking up. he kept saying that it was an opportunity, that it was something I’d be able to tell my kids when I got older, that i would never have to hear from him again. I kept telling him that i wasnt going to, that i shouldnt, that i couldnt, but since i didnt say no he parked the car and asked if i wanted to. i hesitated, was going to say no but then he started talking again and gave his whole ‘this is an opportunity; speech again. and it honeslty was like he was asking so many questions and talking so much and I was trying to process it all at once but it all just like mixed together so I just interrupted him

I finally turned completely in my seat and looked at him, apologized, told him that I thought he was nice and i thought he was good looking but that I needed to go home and that i wasnt going to do that tonight because I could tell that I wasnt able to focus good, because I couldnt, my head was hurting and it felt like I was only processing things after they happened, and he said “okay but can I at least get a kiss? just one?”. I hesitated and tried to laugh it off and again, said that I couldnt but he started leaning to me and I honestly wasnt that opposed to just kissing him, like i said I didnt think he was bad looking or anything (although dont remember anything about his facial features anymore) so I didnt move and let him kiss me. it was a bit of a long kiss and he had his hand in my hair but when I felt him put his other hand on my thigh I pulled away and said that I had to go home again but he pulled me back and kissed me again and he started putting his hand in my shirt and it didnt even register until his hand was almost completely in my bra but I pushed it down and pulled away and I did say no to that, i remember that, so then he just sat there and tried to talk me into letting him touch me. I admit, I wasnt opposed to just like making out and messing around, I kind of liked the attention at first (key words),  I just didnt want to have sex. so when he kissed me again i didnt really do anything but kiss back. 

but then it just got harder and he shoved his tongue down my throat and I tried to kiss back a little bit but then it honestly felt like he was going to crush my head inbetween his hand and his face like it wasnt even like he was kissing at that point,  it was like he was just using his mouth to shut me up he was just pushing so hard so I started trying to pull away and to talk and everything but it wasnt working because I he was holding the back of my head and then he put his hand in my pants and started touching me and put mine in his and it was at that point that I thought maybe I should just compromise so i pulled away as much as i could and told him that I would give him head but I wouldnt have sex with him. I didnt really want to do that but I was more willing to do that than have sex with him. he said he wanted to go somewhere more private. I knew that was a bad idea but I also didnt say anything because I also didnt want to be walked up on while I was giving head you know?  so he drove down the road a little bit and to a spot with no houses, there was a pond on the right side a little away from the road and I could see houses down the road on the left but there weren’t any directly around us. I started giving him head, I was leaned over the middle console and he kept trying to pull my leggings down but every time he did, I sat up so he finally like smacked his lips and said ‘fine, I’ll just take the head then’ and thats when he started holding me down and he held me down so long once that I felt like i was going to choke or throw up or something. he put his hand in my pants again and put his fingers inside of me but i pulled his hand away and when he let go I immediately sat up again.

 I thought about just getting out of the car and i dont know why i didnt, why it took me so long to do it but when I started to reach for the door he reached over me and pulled the lever so the back of my seat went down and he started to get on top of me and i just panicked a little bit but I just started talkign, i kept saying that I couldnt and that I wasnt going to and that i wasnt on birth control ( I was but only had been for a week and a half) and he said ‘fuck that’ I’ll pull out’ but I said that pulling out was shit because I could still get pregnant and went to sit up and push him away but that was when he hit me in the face and got me in the nose and it burned and i guess it kind of just stunned me? i dont know but like my head was pounding after that even though it didnt break or i wasnt bleeding, it just hurt a lot and he pulled my shirt up and unhooked my bra so he could pull it up. he was sitting on my thighs and had one of my arms held against the seat and I had used the other to check if I was bleeding but it didnt feel like I was so i was going to try to push myself up or push him off or something when he got up a little bit to take my pants off but then he elbowed me in the face and that one got me in the mouth and my top and bottom teeth pierced into my lips a little bit on the right side  and then he did it again and that split my bottom lip 

so after that, idk I just went with it and let him do it. i even helped him get my shoe off when he couldnt get my leggings off around it.. and while he was doing.. that. he kept yelling at me to move up in the seat and when I didnt move enough (I was scared but I didnt want to move to make it easier so I only moved like an inch), he pushed me up and then put himself inside of me and he held my head up and told me to look. he held my head like that almost the whole time but I closed my eyes or tried to just look to my side out the window instead. 

then when he was done, he got out on my side and pulled his pants up, and got back in the car. but I didnt close the door when he got out so I just sat there with it open and stared at the road for a minute before he asked if I was ready so I finally stood up to at least put my pants back on but left my bra unhooked and half off because I didnt want to take my shirt off to fix it.  and then he drove back to his house when i got back in. once we got back there, he was looking for his wallet and reaching between the seats and everything and I honestly hoped he wouldnt find it and assume he left it at the guys house so I could just get his name but he finally did. so we got out and he started to go around the front of the car towards his house so i went around the back to get in the front seat but he came back around and made me hug him and when I hugged him he said ‘dont you fucking tell anybody” and then as he started walking back he said it was ‘our little secret’ and made the ‘shh’ sign at me. 

so after that i just drove down the road a little bit and fixed my bra and shirt and put my gps on and literally raced out of that neighborhood and once i got on the main road i just started bawling. 

now the point of saying all of this was not just to get what happened out there so somebody knows (I havent even told my parents or best friend all of this. i just said that i was raped and that he hit me once. i didnt say that i have speculations that i may have been slipped something in my drink. i didnt say that i was going to compromise. i didnt say that i was high. i didnt say that he busted my lip (by the time i told anyone, it had started healing over enough that i could pass it off as just me picking at chapped lips). and i dont know why but I feel like the more details the more it would hurt or something?? 

but I think tinder guy may know about it. or maybe thats why he invited me. I dont know. because the day before he was talking about us going somewhere and then he asked if I had any female friends because he had a friend that was single and needed a girl but my friends are all in relationships. so the fact that he left me outside with this guy a few times makes me wonder if he was actually said friend. 

and the next day I asked him if he knew that guys name. but he said he had just met him that day, that he only knew a nickname. but for the next three days he was on his snapchat. im pretty sure that was him. i dont know why i cant remember his face, i mean it was dark the whole time we were outside but maybe because i didnt think much of him so i didnt pay attention much when we were actually in the light on the porch? I just saw a guy with a hat and a short goatee and a septum piercing that night and then there was a guy with a hat and a short goatee and septum piercing on his snapchat for three days in a row afterwards and he hasnt sent me anything since. I finally took him off of there today, even though he may not have had anything to do with it, hes friends with the guy so I want nothing to do with him. 

[wiener-blut]

i was tagged by my bb @babypaulchen ages ago and now the time has come to finally do this shit!! i told u i was gonna do it Brig!!

rules: answer these 85 questions and tag 20 people (i wont tag anyone bc im doubting i even know 20 ppl on here lmao)

— what was your last…

1. drink: peach flavoured ice tea 2. phone call: my mom bc i asked her if shes interested in some hyacinth bulbs for her garden since the ones that stood in my room decayed 3. text message: to my cousin, setting a time where we can call and chat 4. song you listened to: actual surprise - its not Rammstein *ooohs and aaahs fly through the crowd* it was “The Schuyler Sisters” from Hamilton 5. time you cried: yesterday bc i had the worst fucking headache ever and i was being a whiny bitch

— have you ever…

6. dated someone twice: nope 7. kissed someone and regretted it: uhh no? 8. been cheated on: no 9. lost someone special: yes 10. been depressed: yes 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: yes, multiple times and ive come to the conclusion that throwing up makes me feel better afterwards like im back to being able to actually perveice my environment again lmao

— fave colours

12. black 13. pastel pink 14. actually i kinda love all colours idk

— in the last year have you…

15. made new friends: yes! 16. fallen out of love: no 17. laughed until you cried: yes, multiple times, good 18. found out someone was talking about you: like uh shittalking? idk so i guess not 19. met someone who changed you: uhhh kinda? 20. found out who your friends are: um well i found out that my friends are good friends and that i love them and that i dont want to miss any of them 21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list: what? u can “kiss” someone on facebook? lmao i didnt take a look on facebook for literally years .......man i had a massive brainlag here. i thought u can now “kiss” ppl on facebook like u can “poke” ppl on facebook and it didnt come to my mind this could mean “irl” lmao bury me IF it means irl tho, then yes

— general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl: pff idk man who the fuck still uses that shithole of a site anyways

23. do you have any pets: no but i had a super cute and fluffy bunny and i still miss him and think about him everyday also i plan on having half a farm and half a zoo in the future

24. do you want to change your name: not anymore; i used to hate my name bc its so outdated and the only answer i ever got on introducing myself was “hey my grandma has the same name isnt that funny” but then more and more people told me my name was pretty and unique and well now that im older (sounds like im 40 lmao) im even kinda fond of it

25. what did you do for your last birthday: umm uhh i guess i was studying for my exams lol but i remember my gf cooking an amazing dinner for me 💖

26. what time did you wake up today: uhhhhhh smth around 9am i think

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: actually sleeping for once bc that headache knocked me out completely

28. what is something you can’t wait for: fucking going to fucking Hamburg in fucking five fucking days

30. what are you listening to right now: the birds chirping outside

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom: yes i had a classmate named Tom........he was a bit strange tho.......

32. something that’s getting on your nerves: i cant think of anything rn

33. most visited website: Tumblr and Youtube

34. hair colour: natural? blonde / current? dyed it pink two weeks ago

35. long or short hair: long ass hair and i mean, literally, they reach all the way down to my hips

36. do you have a crush on someone: ohhhahahaha so, so many, one - and maybe the king of em all - being Christoph Schneider (not obvious at all cough cough)

37. what do you like about yourself: uhhhhhhhhhhh.........;;;;; i guess... uh... *insert more unintelligent noises* maybe my legs?

38. want any piercings: no, except for maybe some on my ear

39. blood type: 0 positive, i think

40. nicknames: Lily

41. relationship status: super duper gay af with @haifisch-ohne-traenen

42. sign: officially capricorn (i like to say “the last capricorn” bc it sounds like “the last unicorn” and well my birthday is on the last day that still counts as capricorn), but honestly im more of an aquarius

43. pronouns: she/her

44. fave tv show: i recently watched Grimm and the story was okay but the cast was like super adorable and i fell in love with every single one of them

45. tattoos: none. YET. i have plans for so much i just am very bad at deciding

46. right or left handed: right handed 47: ever had surgery: okay, small story time. there are these childrens books by german illustrator and author “Janosch” in which a tiger and a bear are best friends and i used to love those books. so once, tiger got ill (his stripes slipped out of place) and he needed to see the doctor. and the exact line was “soothing small shot, blue dream, surgery over, noticed nothing, tiger healthy”. and i once was in the hospital bc there was something wrong my nose (i dont remember what it was tho) and so they anaesthetized me (and my fav stuffie which i brough with me for mental support) and afterwards i told everyone of my “blue dream” and everyone was like ????? wtf kid bc they didnt know what i was talking about and it was just some months ago when i finally found out that a narcosis isnt called a “blue dream” and that i just knew this bc of this books which i adored and tbh i was like MY WHOLE LIFE IS A LIE “BLUE DREAM” IS AN ADORABLE TERM FOR IT 48. piercings: none 49. sport: i did ballet for 15 years and i still love to dance around the house and the mother of my best friend once called me cute bc i cant stand still and always spin around or stretch my toes while lifting my leg or do some pliés and tbh i wasnt even aware of that

50. vacation: uh...i love? lmao

51. trainers: umm like my shoes? mostly wearing my black doc martens

— more general

52. eating: i love me some good salad with tomatoes, mozzarella and tuna but ngl a pizza margherita could beat that salad any time. or a nice ragout fin. or mac’n’cheese. i love food in general, okay

53. drinking: i’d kill for a tequila rn. but like non-alcoholic beverage - plain water, yes thank u

54. i’m about to watch: some movie with my gf which we havent decided on yet

55. waiting for: my gf to return home from work so i can smooch her pretty face

56. want: to cuddle honestly

57. get married: since its legal in germany for some months now... idk tbh, its not smth i debate about on a daily basis

58. career: um i have a vague plan for becoming a speech pathologist but yea... its very vague

— which is better

59. hugs or kisses: hugs

60. lips or eyes: gotta say eyes

61. shorter or taller: i dont care actually

62. older or younger: um sweats loudly...... older (fun fact i recently calculated the average age of my celebrity crushes....yes i was bored.... and it resulted in 50.... well.....)

63. nice arms or stomach: arms, fucc me up

64. hookup or relationships: relationships

65. troublemaker or hesitant: me? kinda both

— have you ever

66. kissed a stranger: no 67. drank hard liquor: yes 68. turned someone down: not really?

69. sex on first date: nope

70: broken someone’s heart: probably

71. had your heart broken: uh yea...kinda

72. been arrested: no

73. cried when someone died: yes, im a whiny bitch so i cry easily

74. fallen for a friend: yeah binch im dating that lovely ho right now... im gonna leave Brig’s answer here bc its perf and same here

— do you believe in

75. yourself: ugh

76. miracles: i want to

77. love at first sight: no

78. santa claus: i want to lol but no

79. angels: fuck yes

— misc

80. eye colour: blue-gray-green-ish mud 81. best friend’s name: Dana

82. favourite movie: so? much? i cant decide, really

83. favourite actor: Tom Hiddleston, i love this british dork, lemme tell u

84. favourite cartoon: phuh, idk i dont really watch cartoons

85. favourite teacher’s name: SWEATS LOUDLY AND AGGRESIVELY i had two massive teacher crushes back in my school days and that makes me a bit biased but im gonna say Herr Wolf was a great teacher bc he always said “hey, astronomy’s a minor subject, the test won’t be hard and i wont give u homework, u guys concentrate on math, german and english” and tbh we need more teachers like that

#tag thing #aaaa god that was so fun but a bit time consuming tbh lol

[this-blog-should-not-exist]

How does one even date?

(its a long one oh boy) 

Dating has always been hard for me, growing up I never really had an interest with girls because I mean, Im gay. But I didn't know that growing up so I never really thought twice about it. I had so many friends that were girls and what in my mind were crushes on them but nothing ever happened, it was elementary school. 

The only real crush I can said I confidently had on a girl is my best friend i’ll call SH. I met SH when I was in middle school, I’ll never forget the day she sat with me on the bus ride home. The first sort of interaction I had with her, we just talked and talked and talked the whole ride, before she got off the bus she gave me her cell phone number. Not because she was hitting on me but because we were becoming friends. She and Jo actually dated for the longest time, thats more of how I met her, Jo introduced me. But me and her just hit it off. Once we started high school we just never stopped talking, always I was with her and just we were the best of friends. It was also during this time when I started high school that I developed what i now know was depression, I didn't know it at the time but I would just fall into these periods of time that would sometimes last for a few days where I just wouldn't want to do anything. Nothing that usually brought me enjoyment helped. Like I said though it would last a few days then disappear until about a month later. But anyways it was in the end of my sophomore year I actually dated this other girl I’ll call Cry, I had only really known Cry for about a year, I had met her in our freshman year. She was pretty cool, had some similar interests in bands and movies and art, she also ran cross country and track with me. But she had a major crush on me I guess and so Im like sure why not. But by that point I had began to question my sexuality. It was the beginning of that whole thing so I just pushed it to the back of my head like nah Im not gay pshh. But so I agreed to date Cry, but I had no idea what I was doing. Nothing felt any different, I didn't feel like obligated to be with her all the time, to hold her hand or kiss her or anything really. Nothing inside me changed. People had asked me like, why aren’t you with your girlfriend? The don't you wait for her after class or walk with her anywhere. How was I supposed to know? She was the first girlfriend I ever had, I had no idea what I was and waste supposed to do. So after a week I broke up with her, now Im also god awful at confrontation when it comes to important stuff so I wrote her a note and left it with her stuff after school and left. I felt bad but I knew that what I was doing wasn’t right, being in a relationship should feel more than that.

So after Cry I had began to turn my attention to Sh, because by that point I was beginning to understand what being in a relationship was supposed to be like. What it was to like someone and want to be with them. When I try to think about the time frame in which everything happen it all blurs a bit now. Now that I think about it, I think the whole ordeal with Cry happened the end of freshman year. I think it was the beginning of sophomore year Sh and Jo had broken up because surprise surprise Jo was gay. It made me laugh because right after they broke up he said to her Hey you should date him, talking about me. By this time I was like halfway understanding that I was gay. So junior year me and Sh hung out all the time, like I mean all the time, we texted so much, hung out after school when we could, went to each others houses all the time, we told each other everything. She truly is my best friend. But we had decided to try and “date” as we said, most people thought we were dating anyway which made both of us laugh. I remember one night, my mom and brothers were going to see Monsters University and Man of Steel in a drive in theatre and I invited Sh along because me and her are giant fucking nerds and really wanted to see Man of Steel. Mom still laughs this day because the moment we picked Sh up till we got to the movie me and Sh did not stop talking the whole car ride. But on the drive back it was late maybe about midnight or 1 and me and Sh were sharing headphones. I let her pick the songs off my phone but she had placed my phone on my thigh but left her hand on it. In my mind I was thinking “do it, do it, do it, do it, do it, do it. Lay your hand on hers, do it. Its what she wants you to do and you know it.” I never did. Me and her had talked about it later, like yeah I was entirely aware of it but I was still unsure. She confirmed my thoughts.

 It was that summer between sophomore and junior year that I told her I was gay. I told her on my 15th birthday actually. We were texting and having a serious conversation about our relationship, I had texted her Im gay then I immediately dropped my phone and took a half hour shower and didn't respond. I was terrified of her response. Of course she was mad at me. Now in my mind my thought process from the beginning was, alright, I’ll see where it’l go with Sh. If it doesn't work out and I don't feel anything for her then I must be gay because if I was straight me and her would be living together at this moment and would have been dating for over 3 years now. She was my fail safe, if I wasn’t attracted to her then it was a surefire sign I was gay. And she called me out on it, she said I had used her. And she was right, I felt awful I cried so much that night. I may not be sexually attracted to her but god damn it I do love her like family. She is my absolute best friend and I would do anything for her, me may have butted heads and not agreed on everything but we still are best friends to this day. I really hope she feels the same way. 

My nest summer between my junior and senior year I had my first boyfriend. I’ll call him Z. Now Im not sure if it was just because he was my first chance at a boyfriend or what but I'm not sure why I dated him to begin with. He was a year older than me, a giant theater kid, had to be the center of attention for every conversation, will talk over you in conversations, just very loud in general and energetic. But he was so sweet, he really cared about how I felt and respected my boundaries. He truly cared about my well being, but he was also a little controlling with who I talked to and hung out with. To this day he has been my longest relationship at 4 months. Towards the end of the relationship I had began to just lose this spark I had, he began to feel overbearing and too much for me. I had just wanted to calm down and relax, he was also much more sexual than me. I have still to this day never had sex or anything. He had done so much more than me but respected my boundaries and moved at my pace which I respect him for so much. But I had broken up with him just after 4 months because I had lost the spark. I broke up with him through text because as I said I am horrible at confrontation, I knew he would cry and that would make me feel terrible and probably cry and just I knew it would not end well if I did it in person. I said though I would still like to be friends and he agreed. I still talk to him every now and again. He's a good person still

A few months after me and Z he had got another boyfriend ill call H. A few weeks after that I had began talking to another guy I’ll call T. T had actually messaged me first through instagram. I had never seen or talked to him before. He had gone to one of Z’s performances and that was the one time I had ever seen him. Turns out he began talking to C just to talk to me, so he used C to get closer to me which I felt bad for. But T and I had dated for about a month? Im not sure really it wasnt a long time. He was kind of rude really, constantly insulting me in someway or teasing me but not in a playful way. I had called him out on it and he had gotten better at least. In my opinion he was much more attractive than Z, at least in the face. T was really sweet as well, so calm and kind, smart, thoughtful, but still kind of a dick somehow. He had began to get pretty clingy asking for me to hangout every weekend. During that time I was in swim season so literally every weekend I had a meet all day and Sundays I worked and I had just gotten my license so I couldn't be out late plus my curfew. It was just a hard time, plus I had also lost the spark pretty fast as well. Eventually he called me at a swim meet and we had broke up. Said we should take a break and see other people. We didn't talk for a few weeks but then he texted me a few times but I still wasn't feeling anything for him and that was that really. I do miss him at least, he was a cool person but dating just didn't work out for us. That doesn't mean I never wanted to see him again. He never talks to me anymore, I hope he’s doing well. He’s got a new boyfriend now, he didn't date or talk to anyone since me I don't think but at least he seems happy now. That Im glad for at least. 

After T I didn't talk to anyone for almost over 2 years. Going into dating T, I was aware that it probably wouldn't last long because I was going to college in Portland, OR and long distance would be impossible. So I started something I knew that had an expiration date on which I felt bad about but part of me was like no you never know it may work out! But of course it didn't. That summer between Junior and Senior year was a very lonely one, my depression hit me pretty hard. At the time I still wasn’t really aware of what it was but part of me was like nah you can't be depressed. You’re such a happy person thats stupid. It was a hard time. Once I got out to Portland, that winter I had met and talked to a new guy, my most recent boyfriend i’ll call A. At first I wasn’t sure how to take A, he was very straightforward which was nice. I think the first interaction I had with him was at an art museum and he just turns to me and says “has anyone told you how attractive you are?” and just I'm an awkward person in general, I have no idea how to react to compliments I am still terrible with them. Idk what to say because I don't want to sound conceited and full of myself but what do you say just thank you? Idk but after that he had my attention and we slowly began to start talking. That winter before Christmas break we had made it official and started dating. He honestly is the sweetest person i’ve dating so far, he was so incredibly caring, he helped me through so much, so many panic attacks and random things of anxiety. I stayed at his dorm so many nights in a row, I saw him just about every day for about a month I think. He respected my boundaries but also challenged me and what I was into. Now I myself have and will never give a blowjob, I just don't understand them, why would I want to put my mouth down there I already don't like my own body hair I'm not gonna stick my mouth in all that. Dicks are weird, but he has given me a few blowjobs. Im indifferent with them, they just feel weird. Not bad but not like pleasurable either really. He was the first boyfriend, or other person in general for that matter that I have let seen me naked. He had also brought up the idea to take a bath or shower together as well but I never did. Every night I saw him he wanted to do something though and just after a while I wanted to do something else. I felt like he was only with me for my dick. I hate talking about myself but I guess I am well endowed down there. But it means nothing to me, like whoopdeedoo. I don't understand why so many guys are just so invested in dick, like it seems like thats all they want I don't understand. But A was always groping me when he got a chance or playing with it. He would always make a note about when I was aroused whether just laying with him chilling in bed or before he would leave or I would leave. It was always about my dick it seemed, and I brought this up to him and he told me that my dick was the last thing he cared about and that it was me as a person that he was attracted to. My looks were just an added bonus. We almost broke up a few weeks before school had let out but I wasn't ready to let the relationship die. He felt like I wasn’t interested anymore. I liked him but wasnt attracted to him and thats where I think we differed. Im just not a sexual person, I started to think around that time that I was asexual because just none of that stuff is even remotely interesting to me, Id just rather not. But A had began to feel like I wasn't interested anymore, that I wasnt as invested in him as I was at the start. Part of me was, the other half of me wasnt. He was right, but I wasnt ready for that yet. I needed his support, I was so alone and scared at the time. The first time we almost broke up I was on the verge of tears which I had never done with someone before. It was also the first time that I was being broken up with plus it was in person. But in the moment I wasnt going to let it happen. We turned the situation around and I did try, I tried to be more interested in him, I tried to pleasure him in the only way I was comfortable with i.e. a hand job. I had gotten him off quite a few times but he had never gotten me off. Not once, and he was so hung up about it. He was bound and determined to get me off, but it never happened. Idk why really, I can get myself off but its just different when someone else does it. Im very sensitive to touch, especially down there, around my stomach and inner thighs when other people touch me so Idk whats going on there. But we had made it through the end of the school year and tried to do long distance. It only lasted a few weeks. I had gotten busy seeing my friends, family, getting work set up I was really busy. Me and A didn't text a whole lot or FaceTime. So after a few weeks I was actually hanging out with Sh, Jo and C at Sh’s apartment when A called me. I knew what it was from the text he had sent me an hour earlier. It was calm and we both agreed that we should see other people. We’re still friends though and I text him every now and again. Its been these late cold nights though that I do miss him. Im going back out to Portland this December to see all my friends I made out there. I hope I get to see him again. I do miss him now. I miss his company and him as a person. But there were reasons we broke up and whats done is done now. 

#me #blog #relationship #gay #relationship advice #blog writing #boyfriend #personal

[anetteslife]

Bookish Questions

I was tagged by @scorpion-flower , thank you so much!

1. Which book has been on your shelves the longest?  Maybe Darren Shan, the series. They were I think the first books i started buying and reading (instead of borrowing from the library)

2. What is your current read, your last read and the book you’ll read next?Current read: Stormrage by Richard A. Knaak Last read: The Hobbit by J. R. R. Tolkien Next Read: Illidan by William King

3. Which book does everyone like and you hated?  The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian by Sherman Alexie. I like the message about racism and being an outsider, but the book itself wasnt good to me.

4. Which book do you keep telling yourself you’ll read, but you probably won’t? I will try to read all of my current books and more, but I dont know if I will ever have enough time because I keep buying and wanting even more books

5. Which book are you saving for “retirement?” none

6. Last page: read it first or wait till the end? wait

7. Acknowledgements: waste of ink and paper or interesting aside? interesting

8. Which book character would you switch places with? Lucy Pevensie frm the Narnia books

9. Do you have a book that reminds you of something specific in your life (a person, a place, a time)? Rise of the Horde by Christie Golden reminds me of my English teacher. He made me promise to read an English book over the summer break. I procrastinated, until only a few weeks were left. I sat on my bed, reading and reading, all day, until I finished it.

10. Name a book you acquired in some interesting way. Apparently my grandmother got Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows??? From a book club or something???? I dont know??? And she didnt get any of the other books. Just that one. One day I was visiting her, she gave it to me. I dont get why it was that one, I mean, the thing is huge. And heavy. But yeah, its mine now.

11. Have you ever given away a book for a special reason to a special person? no

12. Which book has been with you to the most places? Stormrage. Its been with me twice to England, once to Spain.

13. Any “required reading” you hated in high school that wasn’t so bad ten years later? no

14. What is the strangest item you’ve ever found in a book? nothing

15. Used or brand new? new

16. Stephen King: Literary genius or opiate of the masses? dont know. havent read any of them.

17. Have you ever seen a movie you liked better than the book? i like both for different reasons. they are differet and that is okay.

18. Conversely, which book should NEVER have been introduced to celluloid? anything is fine as long as the script is good.

19. Have you ever read a book that’s made you hungry, cookbooks being excluded from this question? no

20. Who is the person whose book advice you’ll always take? @lucresias and @unicorns-from-hell

I tag everyone who wants to do this!

#tag #scorpion-flower

[whimsically-ominously-auspice]

Did you know real Michael Jackson introduced me to Jane Fonda?

She lived near a lot of underground factories so she would allow me to sleep at her place and eat and shower and things in the summer.

I introduced her to Lily Tomlin whom lived two floors above her. I saw her in the movie Big Business so i recognized her in the elevator and she usually had something nice to say about my outfit or hair and i thought she would be a good friend for Jane because she was always alone or had an assistant with her. But mostly alone. So i knew they both needed a good friend.

They had ups and downs.

The next summer they wanted to be involved. So they followed me on the streets. Then they got in trouble by me and Michael and so Jane who was very physically fit felt danger one night. She said some creeper kept staring at her. So she wanted to call for Lily whom would dress as a street begger but wanted to scare him off first by yelling a male name. We were standing in front of Nathan's hot dog restaurant and they're called Franks. Instead of hot dogs or wieners. So we went with Frankie.

Jane did end up getting herself kidnapped we thought... She asked for a ride from the guy who was creeping and well he lied and said that he was there to help.

I was usually moving the girls from factory to factory so they could hide in the living facilities and not have to work. Let the men work and get the women under some kind of protection was my job until we could find them a way home. Sometimes I just took them to an all night Chinese restaurant and let them give information to the owners whom would find their families and I would stand at the front door watching traffic and 3 girls from the factory to watch the kitchen where the back door was. And their job was to cause a commotion and so i could go back and help them.

But the one night we all got in the van with Jane and he was a bad male. So I choked him with his seatbelt until he passed out.

Upon leaving the restaurant there was 4 guys. So i told Jane "get Lilly and return the girls, I'll meet you there, they know where to go"

I walked back to the white van and they said get in. They were looking to rape and saw i only took the girls to feed them.

I told them "you can have sex with Jane Fonda. Shes at the restaurant. Come back over there with me"

"But all the girls left"

"Jane's not a slave shes a free woman. She was paying the check." I said. She did check out the white van watching us. And they were about to pay

"Yeah,get Jane i picked her up but she left" said the still jacked up driver "but rape the bitch" he turned and saw me "YOU!!"

Luckily they didn't understand i was the bitch and we went

I left open the glass door to the Chinese restaurant. I never took men in there. Not at dark. Boys my age sure. On rare occasions but usually i said so before and Jane had told them about the white van so they already got the guns from behind the counter when i yelled "Run"

And they were dead before i took 2 breaths after And yelled "there's 2 at the van!". And i ran. Before i turned the corner i looked back to see our head chef kill them both.

"Thanks!" And briskly walked the half block to the short tunnel where the girls hid before work.

As i entered the hall it was dark and that wasnt unusual but it felt eerie. I thought may be because I was alone or because people just got killed. They were people after all i always told myself. And I tried to order deaths as sparingly as possible. Only if i was stared at a lot and got a bad suffocating feeling.

But it was Jane this time and i was thrown off. How could Jane had known? What has she been through to know such a bad thing existed on our Earth?

I was sad when i opened the door. So i was extremely startled to see Jane and Lily wielding brooms and mops to attack who went through the door. And my 3 girls blocking My way in.

I fell to my knees crying and angry because I cried and I cried in front of those girls whom got hurt the most in life. Whom still waited to return home. I still had 1/3 left and i knew their summer was harder than mine having ti wait to be saved. So i was angry at myself for crying in front of them.

I was crying for my friend Jane's knowledge and the anger and hate on my friend Lily's face which told me that she too knew too much about life's hypocrisy and pain. And for all the girls we had left and the ones that would be there the next summer.

I tried to explain what happened but I was a mess. So Jane grabbed me and told me to tell her and she would repeat it for them.

Soon we heard a banging of metal on metal

"The Pipe!" A girl shouted. It went down the wall near the ceiling

"The Grate!! Hes here! The chef! He rarely comes! It must be an emergency!"

"I had to kill 6 more and went around the block twice. So we have some time. I'll get the van out front and pack in as many girls as we can. Do you have someplace we can take them?"

"My apartment!!" Said Jane immediately without hesitation.

"Are you sure?"

I stood "this is Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin"

"We've met" he said in disregard "but are you sure they are safe?"

"I stay at Jane's all the time to help these girls. She usually stays in but this summer She wanted to help. Michael Jackson and i told her not to" and Darling Jane lowered her head "but she and Lily insisted and they have been watching our backs and ive missed that van completely and only seen the van in rhe alley when we've returned but I've acted friendly to it so They think we are on the same team. Like i wave and skip and act like we all are cool. Because i am returning them so why not?"

"Unfortunately Jane they know where you live and have deactivated many of the security cameras where yoh live including in the elevators which means we have time to get them in, fix the security cameras in the next daylight and then return them home slowly but surely like they are going out on a night on rhe town, complete with a limo and all. Unfortunately it will look like a whore house, are you okay with that?"

"Oh yes! Lets do it definitely! I don't care what it looks like! Lets get these girls safe abd off the streets!" She grabbed my shoulder "and her, too!" She smiled at me sadly apologetic "I'm sorry but you shouldn't be doing this either. You tell me and Lily but..." She just gave me a brave hug and let the words linger. I never felt so grateful for such a strong embrace. I never felt so much love filled with peace for such a long time. Later i had to ask her how she ever was taught to hug such a way.

Lily told me "We're old"

For the next 7 years they continued through out winter, summer, fall, and spring to free each and every enslaved young girl under those streets in their neighborhood until all the factories closed for lack of money.

Unfortunately the chef and his family was murdered right before Christmas in 1994 by someone named Nate, Junkyard Mate whom I killed in 1997.

His daughter hid, she was small, 4 years old and Lily found her. Quietly all these years Lily has raised her as her own and kept her safe from danger.

And they didnt give up. They kept working until no girl was held captive under the street and the Chinese restaurant finally closed in 1999.

..

Tonight they said that it's difficult to keep the emotions on a night like tonight in Albuquerque. They want to cry from sadness in looking in those victims faces. They want to be proud. They want to keep the spirit up with cheer and pride.

Its too hard, i can tell you this, it's impossible.

Every single face, every pair of eyes is a person. A person with pain and suffering. With bravery nothing can compare to.

And there's urgencies and emergencies every time you turn around.

But that familiar face, for me, that one voice I hear. The image of a survivor of a girl I knew way back when. For me to know they're alive after 30 years that's what takes me home. That's what small treat i get.

So a polite smile from someone coming from a factory where they have definitely been mentally and intellectually abused. That would melt my heart. It would be so difficult not to hug every single one.

In truth I miss being out there. But I'm not allowed to go as i am all POW here. I miss those streets, the brisk walks. The girls rushing behind me.

The time they caught Lily dressed as a man and beat her up. That was horrible. But that's how I learned to be proud

"Look at my fat lip!! Look what y'all did!! Just look will ya?!?!" I was scared i was like omg Lily they didnt mean to and she threw her arms in the air and shouted "VICTORY!!!" and requested hugs. And bounced down the street talking so loudly about how proud she was that they beat her up.

I lost my mind 50 different ways. She was so loud and we always walked in silence. She was proud? She needed ice and a bandaid and the hospital. She had cracked ribs and all. It was the middle of the group that attacked. I had the younger more timid ones with me because they knew to run behind to the back of the girls in the middle who would fight to defend and then the wiser ones at the back because they paid attention most. But no one would see them looking so much with the other girls in front of them.

So they're kicking her and a littke girl half as tall as me says "shes getting beat up, your friend"

Some back girls were trying to pull her out of the doorway she hid in so the other girls wouldn't keep attacking her.

"LILY!! OH NO LILLY!!" I ran leaving the small children in a group in the sidewalk

And a white van crept down to them "you need to get in"

"Stop them!!" I yelled at the girls for both situations and Lily was sitting up and holding her head "oh I'm dizzy"

And some girls ran to the little ones and said to line up against the wall that was a rule because it was furthest from the street and if they were kidnapped they had a longer chance to fight off the abductor and scream and people could see they were indeed being kidnapped.

So I yelled "we are just going to eat!! Fuck off!!!"

"I was just checking!"

"You need to go!!!" I recognized the dish boy from the restaurant. "Jesus Christ" i had a beat up Lily, couldn't see Jane and a row of terrified little babies aged 2 to 7. And a mess of pre teens that had no idea I wasn't an adult, couldn't drive and was only 6 myself, just really tall for my age, and i looked 20.

And I saw Jane sneaking down the street "Jane! I got an emergency!!" I yelled and she ran down and across the dark street at 3 am

"Okay let's get Lily. We will get to the Chinese and talk."

"What was that van?"

"Bus boy. No from the Chinese. He cleans the tables."

But Lily got up on her own. Limping. She showed the row of little girls her lip who said ew and grabbed each other in hugs and to hide. And they giggled. And Lily promised one day they would be able to beat her up like that too. And one girl stood out. "I need me to give you a hug"

And each girl hugged Lily and said she was sorry.

And one older girl held back because my head spun and i thought maybe she was an inside trader. She was. And i apologized to her and gave her a hug because I dead punched her in the face for stomping Lilly when 2 other girls were pulling her off and I was in front. "I want to run. I'm an inside trader. I wanted the girls to work. But now i want to go home. I wws going to tell on you for what you really did. But now i can't. Because look at Lilly. Look how strong and brave she is. And proud. Proud of me. Praising. And i don't deserve any" she hung her head down as I held her by her elbows. The still silence between us. And over my left shoulder I heard Lilly "then run. Go. Be free. Go to your family."

"I don't know where they are" but she turned in my hands to walk away, tears bursting wt her eyes. So i grabbed her. I threw my arms around her and whispered over her left ear. "You still need to eat. Come let's go. I'll hold your hand tonight, too"

"Okay"

She left, that girl did. That very same night on Greyhound bus. In her town the cops kidnapped. And they tried. And every time she was stopped. She fought them just like she fought Lily.

And every time she thanked God Lily was there that night She lost her wit.

I thank God, too.

....

And so all of you all over the world, working so hard to save lives. Each and every single one is invaluable. Priceless.

And the way you can change their lives is immeasurable.

So yes. It has Its ups and downs. 500 downs and 35 ups an hour, or more or less.

It isn't easy. But just respond appropriately. As best as you know how to, even if you don't like it. Even if you throw yourself on the ground crying because knowing too much is too difficult.

The girls told me "I've never seen you cry before. I've been here 3 years. Sometimes i worry about you because I know you take heart medicine. And you rarely smile or talk. Just every now and then. But you smile every day at every door way but it isn't happy. Its a promise that one day we will be. And you come take my friends away every summer. And i never thought you cared. You just did your job and kept running, but i didn't know why. And now i do." And she picked me up at my elbows and said "now the Chinese are here and they have come to save us. And we will all hold hands and be a chain gang because that is what we are. And we will pray. It's what we do when we are alone"

And they did. And they stood around me and prayed and i felt lifted. I felt magic in their prayer. I felt the good in the girls I nightly as i could took them to eat to find out if the private detectives found them their homes.

And it was after that that i was able to grab a map and point to a place and tell a child "you are from here"

Because of an intensely strong prayer from a girl whom waited 3 years to find her home. Because she never told. She wanted to be the last to go. Mallary Viceroy.

She wanted to make sure all girls returned home. She did once or twice to visit.

But now she works still, as a ghost with a strong spirit.

She hasn't gone to Heaven often. She knows she's needed here.

It is for girls like her that I will never quit.

And so I hope the world continues to fight so She can return to life and finally have the peace she deserves. And a home with her family and friends.

[gildedalchemist]

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Well then! I actually have some downtime so im doing this. Post was from a while ago but i saved it for when I have time. I’m not gonna answer a number of these fully bc thats TOO much sharing, but I’ll answer as many as i can.

1. What is you middle name?not answering this one

2. How old are you?24

3. When is your birthday?August 25th

4. What is your zodiac sign?Virgo

5. What is your favorite color?Royal Purple, though I like many shades of lighter purples nowadays

6. What’s your lucky number?Yup, 2. If not 2, then 8.

7. Do you have any pets?I have a family dog at home, hes a labradoodle named Sebastian

8. Where are you from?Southern California

9. How tall are you?I like to think I’m 6 feet tall, but im just short of that I think

10. What shoe size are you?11 US Mens, which i think is 14 in womens? I forget the conversion, and it’s damn near impossible to find anything in my size in that department.

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?enough that I’ve lost count

12. What was your last dream about?hanging out with @the-senor-sperm​, Xavier

13. What talents do you have?I don’t believe in talent. Nobody starts good at anything, it’s all skills that must be trained and maintained.

14. Are you psychic in any way?I have very good gut reactions when I first meet people, generally. It has almost never steered me wrong, especially when it comes to my personal safety. If someone is not to be trusted, I generally know pretty quickly.

15. Favorite song?I’m not sure right now, I’ve been introduced to a lot of new music in the last year and I have a hard time choosing.

16. Favorite movie?Clue!

17. Who would be your ideal partner?Someone who challenges me to be the person I want to be. Someone I can trust with my thoughts and feelings. Someone I can spend my time with and be okay when all else is crumbling. Someone I love. Someone who would sit up with me while I’m deliriously I’ll, and make sure I’m drinking water, and eating, particularly microwave cup ramen. ;P

18. Do you want children?I dunno. I used to. I used to feel like I wanted to prove I could be a better parent, but I don’t feel that need, nor do I want that to be my reason anymore. I just want to live and be happy with my partner. Whatever happens after that, will be decided when the time comes.

19. Do you want a church wedding?Oof. I dunno. The thought is nice but I don’t know if the church would be cool with the wedding I’d wanna have ówò;;;  

20. Are you religious?Not really at the moment. I want to believe in something, but that something has no form for me right now.

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?Yes, I’ve even had surgery! (on my sinuses, im fine now!)

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law?Not really

23. Have you ever met any celebrities?Nope, unless you count internet celebrities, which I dont really. I met Arin Hanson before I knew who he even was.

24. Baths or showers?Showers

25. What color socks are you wearing?white

26. Have you ever been famous?lmao nope

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity?No, i don’t like that kind of pressure

28. What type of music do you like?little bit of everything, though i do quite like electronic stuff

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping?nope, but if i ever have my own pool and could do so without peeking neighbors, i’d consider it.

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?2 usually, but i only have 1 right now because reasons

31. What position do you usually sleep in?either on my side if the bed is real soft, or on my stomach.

32. How big is your house?its pretty decently sized, but I’m living in a dorm right now and not at my parents house

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?nothing

34. Have you ever fired a gun?Yes. I wasnt a fan. I didnt like how easy it is to just point and kill, and i especially hate that people think having that power is a right that should be protected like it is.

35. Have you ever tried archery?yes i have. I enjoyed it from a skill aspect

36. Favorite clean word?spaghetti. its real fun to say

37. Favorite swear word?i like saying chucklefuck

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep?about 40 hours. I’ve never done 2 consecutive all nighters. at that point, i start to pass out when i blink.

39. Do you have any scars?Yes, I have one on my shoulder and lower back from the same injury, one on my knee and shin from unrelated incidents, and scars on my hands, face, and shoulders from injuries and acne over the years

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?If I did, they kept it a pretty good secret. Or not. I am quite oblivious in that regard. Its hard when you just assumed for years that youre unloveable.

41. Are you a good liar?I used to be but not much anymore

42. Are you a good judge of character?Almost always

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own?Nope, it is embarassing for me to even try

44. Do you have a strong accent?people say they dont notice an accent from me until i say certain words, like dude, or awesome.

45. What is your favorite accent?New Zealand accents are a hoot

46. What is your personality type?Timid, but caring

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing?honestly not sure. most of my stuff isnt that expensive. by original cost probably a cashmere sweater, but I bought it at a thrift shop. 

48. Can you curl your tongue?yes

49. Are you an innie or an outie?innie

50. Left or right handed?right

51. Are you scared of spiders?somewhat, but I dont react as badly as I used to at the sight of them. only if they touch me.

52. Favorite food?spaghetti? pizza? Xaviers cooking? hard to say

53. Favorite foreign food?sushi!

54. Are you a clean or messy person?clean in many ways, except for my room

55. Most used phrased?“aww, gay.”

56. Most used word?at this point, probably “fuck”

57. How long does it take for you to get ready?if im in a hurry, minutes, if im not, hours.

58. Do you have much of an ego?I can, but i’m working on it. I dont think I do though.

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?Bite

60. Do you talk to yourself?Usually, mostly to walk myself through things

61. Do you sing to yourself?Rarely

62. Are you a good singer?I think i’m better than i used to be, but im not great

63. Biggest Fear?Losing my best friends. I lost one in a very bad way, I cant stand the thought of losing more.

64. Are you a gossip?Once i got to university I became one, but I didnt used to be. Thats just kinda the environment I’m in. I feel like if i didnt people wouldnt trust me as much or even at all.

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?i dunno, im not sure what constitutes “dramatic”

66. Do you like long or short hair?on me, Long. I cant stand how ive looked with short hair anymore. On other people I have no preference.

67. Can you name all 50 states of America?Fuck no lmao

68. Favorite school subject?Chemistry, after that Psych or English

69. Extrovert or Introvert?Extrovert with anxiety that makes me present like an introvert, i think is what ive settled on

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?nope

71. What makes you nervous?So many things oh my god

72. Are you scared of the dark?Yes

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?I do for some people but it is seen as inappropriate to others, and in some cases makes people think im trying to be superior, so I try not to anymore unless asked. Its not my place, unless they want to be corrected.

74. Are you ticklish?Don’t fuckin touch me. I am but I’ll bite.

75. Have you ever started a rumor?No. I had too many false rumors started about me, I wouldnt do that to someone else unless it was true and people needed to know the truth.

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?Sort of? I’ve been in classrooms and worked with kids, so i’ve been in situations where they answer to me, but I’ve never really been the main figure head so I’d say no overall.

77. Have you ever drank underage?yes

78. Have you ever done drugs?yes

79. Who was your first real crush?Honestly? I dont even know anymore. I know I had some, but what counts as “real”? I’d guess the one that lead to my first relationship. that was in 2011.

80. How many piercings do you have?none

81. Can you roll your Rs?“nope

82. How fast can you type?pretty fast

83. How fast can you run?I can run pretty fast but only for short bursts now.

84. What color is your hair?brown

85. What color is your eyes?blue-green

86. What are you allergic to?a variety of weeds, trees, grasses, molds, and dust mites

87. Do you keep a journal?not physically. what i post online and in recordable formats count as my journal, so i may look back on what ive said.

88. What do your parents do?my mom is a housewife, my dad works in law

89. Do you like your age?y...yes?? what does this even mean?

90. What makes you angry?injustice and unfairness

91. Do you like your own name?Not my full name, I like my first name’s shortening, so thats why i go by Matt

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they?Only John. To honor his memory, and all that he did for me. He set me on the path to become who I am.

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child?I want my kid to decide that for themself, if I ever have one.

94. What are you strengths?Tenacity

95. What are your weaknesses?Cowardice

96. How did you get your name?My dad named me after his best friend first, then his karate instructor for middle

97. Were your ancestors royalty?not to my knowledge

98. Do you have any scars?wasnt this #39?

99. Color of your bedspread?light blue

100. Color of your room?the one at home is sort of yellowish i think. the room i’m in right now is white.

#asks #long post #personal #Anonymous

[trs80sbby-blog]

Fireworks!

“Fireworks” is appropriate since the story I’m about to tell took place on New Years Eve. We all know that I have been struggling with the dating scene and that I pretty much gave up on that bullshit, but I want to remember this story. I want to remember it because I want to come back to this one day and say that I lived with a stranger for a couple of hours and I loved him before he left my sight. ( Let’s be clear that when I say I loved him, I loved him. His energy his personality and everything that makes him, him.) And honestly, I didn’t believe that any part of this story was actually possible.

Tinder

I have been on Tinder for way too fuckin long. It’s a gateway to life’s destruction to be completely honest but i took my part in it. Swipe left, Swipe Right, SUPER LIKE!!! Bullshit! But I would spend my time at work swiping left and right on people and reading minimal bios in the 500 characters that were allowed. I swiped right another time on a bio that read, “ be prepared to meet if we match.” Or something in that context, I’m sure there was more but I’ve since deleted tinder, again, so I cant go back and say for sure. Anyways.. I dont remembered who messaged who first, but we started chatting a little bit and then eventually we got off tinder and started texting each other. Again, I know I’m leaving out some details but I don’t remember the conversation we had on tinder or who gave their number first. I wasnt invested really. And seriously thats not important. You’ll see. We met on Tinder. The universe introduced us on Tinder.

Dodging Bullshit

Sometimes I think that I am so broken or so insecure that I’m genuinely not worth people’s time. And then there are other times where I am this powerful insatiable Queen and I believe that people aren’t worth my time. At this time I was conflicted with both. It was refreshing that he didnt like to text so much, so the brief couple of conversations we had after exchanging numbers was nice, but mentally, I wasnt sure if I wanted to be vulnerable or a total bitch. Look, I have a back story that I can tell one day, but just know that i have a reason for the way i am. People have thrown so much shit my way while dating and I have had enough free dinners and free drinks and free movies, that I have concluded that my time isn’t worth all that. I like to eat but I dont like to repeat myself.

“Hi, my name is Shawnta.”

“What do you do?”

“What are you looking for?”

“What’s your story?”

Who wants to answer those question 50 thousand times over and over again for different ignorant people? I need a fuckin drink please..

So when he asked to take me out before New Years, I was hesitant. Sick and hesitant. Details..

Planning

Initially we were suppose to go see a movie since apparently we both like movies. Now, that might sound common, but I love movies. Junkie... And with the admittance of him being able to shed a tear during a sad scene, I was able to accept that he might be just the junkie i needed when it came to a movie partner. We never went to the movies. Lol. Discussed it a little more, but nothing solid. I didn’t care.

Pause; If I’m coming off as if I’m lost, I was..

Do you meet people while you’re sick? It’s not like I didnt tell him. He said I had sars and still wanted to meet me. I procrastinated on plans so much and time was running out to the point that I really had to make a decision. By this time, in my head, I wanted to meet him, I just didnt want to be disappointed or be the disappointment. We finally planned to get together on New Years Eve around 7 because I did not want to stay out all night. 7 changed to 8, 8 changed to 9, and 9 changed to 9:30pm SHARP!! Some where between 7 and 8 is when the Universe decided to start making decisions for me, and make it very clear that I’m going out.

Have you ever felt a shift in your energy that was so noticeable and positive that you had no choice but to embrace it? That’s what I felt when that decision was made for me. I did my make up. I got dressed in this beautiful, shoulderless, shear, burgundy, full length dress. And wore heels, my favorite ones at that, and I walked out the house with more confidence than I’ve had all year.

Shady Lady / R15

Shady Lady requires collared shirts. He didnt wear one. We didnt go to Shady Lady as planned. We went to R15 which was at the other end of the block. Downtown, Sacramento has all these places that can bring you in and swallow you whole. I think R15 did that to us and the fact that the bartender made a really decent Manhattan for him and a heavy handed margarita for me. We sat at the bar and I was finally able to really look at this beautiful, 6 foot something, brown skinned man. He has the perfect eyebrows, seriously the perfect face and bone structure. But the most irresistible part of him is his eyes. His eyelashes are thick and full, and did I say perfect? He’s gorgeous. And then he spoke. I need you to understand that yes, we had previous conversations over the phone and his voice is captivating, but it’s a spell in person. He spoke and I listened to his tone. What the fuck! This man spoke to me and I felt the universe’s desired to take hold of this situation all over again. The power of attaction, as he says, was definitely present. The way he looked at me was indescribable. And I could be in my own head at this time, but he looked at me and called me beautiful. I’ve been called beautiful by a lot of men this past year and not once did I believe them. But when the words flowed off his lips, I tasted his truth. We were in this bar full of people, but a chill environment and music surrounded us, but it was just us. You can read that a million times in a million books and never understand it until it actually happens to you. It was loud, so I had to lean into him so that he could talk to me, and as I’m moving away to look at him again, we kissed. Did I go in to kiss him or was it the other way around? I’m not sure.. But it happen and the world tilted a little. His kiss was soft, he held my cheek and lead that kiss into another realm of pleasure. Heroin.. The most addictive drug known to man. His kiss instantly became my heroin, and it didnt go unnoticed by anyone.

Midnight

The countdown was coming. And we already kissed, so you’d think, what’s one more new years kiss right? You couldn’t be more wrong. I kissed him at 12am January 1, 2018, and I loved him in that moment. I loved the energy that he forced into my body through that kiss. Sleeping beauty would’ve woke up with that kiss, fuck Prince Charming, I had him.

Public

Throughout the night we talked and people watched a little. He had to go to the restroom and thats when it became obvious that we were being watched. This incredibly bubbly woman came up to me, and told me that she’s been wanting to come say something to me for a while. She told me that i was gorgeous and my idiot self asked her who she was talking to. One day ill learn to accept compliments without making a total ass of myself. Then she started to talk about me and him. This is when I knew i wasnt imagining what was happening.

“How long have you guys been together?”

“You guys look at each other so intensely.”

“I just had to come over and tell you how beautiful you guys are.”

She was as surprised as I was when I told her that this was our first date.

“DAMMNNN.”

By this time, he returned with a kiss. But so did his friends. This allowed us some time to become a little social. I introduced him to my bubbly new friend, and he introduced me to his friends that arrived. I excused myself to smoke a cigarette with miss bubbles and met her boyfriend. He was handsome too. Omg they are the cutest couple. Lumberjack meets tinkerbell. Lumberjack was trying to be kind and tried to introduce me to one of his friends.

“I don’t know if youre here with anyone, but if you are, my guy here is better than your guy,”

When I tell you that MY GUY had perfect timing. We were standing right outside the bar door when this was happening. I could see him through the closed door, and as lumberjack is talking I could see him making his way to me. He came out and i introduced lumberjack to my guy. He didn’t come out because he say us three talking, he came out to see if I was ok and give me a kiss. After the introduction he went right back in to his friends. When I went back into the bar, we socialized a little more and then the bar started to prepare to close. Time flew.

Goodbyes

He asked if i was ready to leave. Unfortunately I had no choice but to say yes. So he walked me to my car. As we were walking I asked him if he wanted to sit in my car while he waited for his Lyft or Uber, and then the words just slipped off of my lips.

“Do you want to come home with me?”

Ok Pause again...

The words slipped my lips but I meant them. I didn't want him to leave. I didnt want to drive home and not have him around me or next to me.

He got in the car and the goodbyes didnt happen.

Goodnight, Good morning

When we got into the house, I changed into what I regularly sleep in. Nothing sexy or remotely attractive. And he stripped down to his boxers or briefs. I wasnt paying attention. The alcohol kicked in for him and i was a little tipsy. Two too many Manhattans lol. I remember asking if he wanted a glass of water and getting it for him... So this is probably where you want to hear all the details on what happened. Sexually... I can’t. God, I want to say everything and be like, we had amazing sex and it lasted all night and blah blah blah.. No... That’s not what happened. Things happened that deserve gold metals, but whatever... I woke up at about 4 or 5 and I thought it was all some sick dream that I had. I went to the bathroom, not even looking at where he was laying. Coming out the bathroom, I saw him sleeping and my heart stopped for a second. It all hit me like lightning hitting a tree and leaving its beautiful artwork. This man chose to spend New Years with me. He is genuine, kind, honest and in my bed sleeping like that has been his side of the bed for years.

I wanted to climb in bed and hold him just so that when i fell back asleep, he wouldn’t disappear. I did, just for a moment though because I dint know if he liked to cuddle. I found out later that i totally could’ve lol.

8 o’clock... We were laying there, and we may not have been able to witness the fireworks the previous night, but we made our own that morning. What the fuck, I’m so cheesy.. This man is... Who is this man??

Have you heard of Malanda Jean-Claude? He’s my favorite writer, and his poetry will leave you completely lost in a forest of confusing, frustrating, necessary love.

I felt like he was writing our story.

This morning has an ending

So, he had to leave at some time. I mean come on now...

But that night was life awaking inside me. I have slept for so long and I didnt know I was ever going to wake up. And to top it off, I regret nothing. I know that I used some strong descriptions with this man, and I’m completely aware that i could be disappointed later, but maybe not. Who knows. Shit, it wasnt us that was making all that happen that night.

We talk everyday. Seriously, i told him that I’m obsessed with his voice. Fuck a text.

Point of the story is this. You can have plans for your life all you want.. You can fall apart and build yourself up again, and repeat this 100times before you die. But dont sleep through life. Embrace the good, accept the bad, learn, grow. And on top of all of that BE LOVED, BE BLESSED, cause your forehead is being kissed every night that you close your eyes to go to sleep. And you lips are being kissed every morning you open your eyes and take that breath.

#love #short story #malanda #new years #2018 #2017 #tinder #sacramento #california #916