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genshinluvr · 9 months

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Mr. Sweet Talker

Pairings: Various Genshin Men x Isekai'd!Reader (Lyney x Isekai's!Reader)

Summary: Aether and Paimon managed to snag free tickets to the magic show in Fontaine! It's all thanks to a certain famous Fontianian magician. Who knew he could be such a sweet talker?

Note: Since I took a break from posting fanfics last week, this is a mini-fic, so not a lot of men will be talking in this fic since this mini-fic does center around Lyney. If you're wondering if I'm going to add him to the harem or not, the answer is idk. I know, for sure, that I'm not going to be adding Freminet to the harem. I don't mind adding Lyney to the harem, but I have a feeling there are going to be people in my inbox telling me he's a minor— and debating over Genshin character's ages is something I do not want to deal with. Anyway! I don't post anywhere else but on Tumblr (Genshinluvr) and on AO3 (Aaliah_exo).

Warnings: None that I know of 🤔

Word Count: 3.3k

Your groans fill the living area as you plop on the couch, sprawling across Wriothesley and Pantalone’s lap. The two men glance at each other before looking at you. You roll over on your back and stare up at Wriothesley and Pantalone with a pout.

Pantalone runs his fingers through your hair. “What’s wrong, Butterfly?” Pantalone coos, stroking your cheek with his thumb.

“I thought summer break was going to be fun, but all I did was sleep in! There are a few weeks until school is back in session at the Akademiya. But I don’t want to return to the Akademiya, telling my professors and classmates that all I ever did during the summer was sleep in,” you say, puckering your lips.

“What else did you do during the summer? Aside from being in my arms, of course,” Wriothesley says, running his hands through his hair with a cheeky smile.

No, really. What else did you do during the summer? Summer is a blur at this point, and the only thing you remember was taking many, many naps. In fact, you slept so much during the summer that your sleep schedule is even worse than it already is. You can say you have traveled to many regions in Teyvat. After all, your boyfriends are from different nations, and you sometimes tag along with them while they work. So, you job shadowed your boyfriends sometimes?

The door to the estate slams open, startling you, Wriothesley, and Pantalone. Aether and Paimon enter the large estate— Paimon looks smug while Aether is wringing the water out of his hair with a grimace. You and Paimon lock gaze before she waves at you with a big smile.

“[Y/N]! Do you want to go to a magic show with us?” Paimon asks, floating over toward you.

You prop yourself up, accidentally digging your elbows into Wriothesley’s thighs. If it did hurt Wriothesley, he didn’t let it show on his face. Instead, the man looks at Paimon and Aether curiously. Magic show? With all of the things that exist on Teyvat, you’re sort of surprised that magic still exists despite there being Archons, dragons, and mythical creatures roaming and inhabiting Teyat.

“Depends! Who is ‘us’ exactly? You and Aether, or everyone in the abode?” you ask, sitting up and getting off Wriothesley and Pantalone. “And where is this magic show going to take place?”

Aether holds his hands up. “Whoa, slow down with the questions there, [Y/N]. The magic show is going to take place in Fontaine,” Aether says.

Your eyes light up. “Fontaine? I’ve always wanted to explore the City of Justice more often! Furina invited me to be a witness at one of the trials, but I wasn’t able to make it,” you say.

Paimon claps her hands, twirling in the air with excitement. “Great! Let’s get ready before the show starts! We know the magician of tonight’s show, and he managed to get us all the best seats in the house!” Paimon says, propping her hands on her hips with a smug smile.

You have no idea what Paimon is implying, but you went along with it anyway. When you were thrown into Teyvat, it was before Sumeru was released. And now, since you’re going to (according to Paimon and Aether) Opera Epiclese, you’re going to assume Fontaine is now released. You have stepped foot in other regions aside from Sumeru, Inazuma, Liyue, and Mondstadt, but it was brief.

You’re not sure what people typically wear to the Opera Epiclese. Since the citizens of Fontaine dress elegantly on a day-to-day basis, you opted to wear something classy. It’s the best thing you can find that isn’t too formal or too underdressed. The trip to Fontaine was fun— aside from the Meks attacking when you and the men accidentally used the wrong waypoint. But it’s fine because no one got hurt, not a single hair is out of place, and everyone’s clothes are spotless and creaseless. While the seating is free (all thanks to Paimon and Aether knowing the magician of the show), you weren’t sure where you wanted to sit. You don’t mind sitting in the first row or the second row. The main issue is the men fighting over who gets to sit next to you.

“I want to sit next to [Y/N] during the show,” Venti huffs, glaring at Albedo.

Albedo sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Well, if [Y/N] sits between us, then we don’t need to argue over who gets to sit next to [Y/N],” replies Albedo.

You plop on the chair, resting your elbow on the armrest while the men around you argue. You don’t care where you sit. The only thing you probably care about is being able to watch the magic show without any interruptions. And you’re also hoping the magician isn’t going to ask for volunteers or randomly pick someone from the audience for one part of the show. You don’t know how you’re going to react if it did happen.

“Oh? What’s going on here?” asks a suave voice.

The men stop bickering around you and turn toward the direction of the voice. You peek from behind Capitano to see a shorter male, around Xiao’s height, approaching you and your boyfriends. He stops in front of the group, propping his hands on his hips, and adjusts the hat on his head. On his right cheek is a single teardrop, and he has a braid on the left side of his head. His hair is almost the same color as Kazuha’s hair.

Paimon perks up, waving to the male. “Lyney! It’s good to see you!” Paimon cheers.

Lyney smiles at Paimon and graciously bows to Paimon.

“Lyney! Good luck with your performance! We look forward to seeing you perform and wow the audience,” says Neuvillette, smiling at the shorter male before him.

Lyney’s eyes light up, and he smiles widely. “Thank you, Monsieur Neuvillette!” Lyney says.

Lyney looks at the others around him, and his eyes land on you. You’re fixing your shirt, making sure there isn’t any lint sticking to your silk shirt. You tuck your hair behind your ear before continuing to adjust your clothes.

“And who is this? I don’t believe we’ve met,” Lyney speaks up.

You look up to see Lyney standing before you, gazing at you curiously. You blink at the Fontainian magician owlishly and look around at the others, assuming he is talking to the men that aren’t from Fontaine.

Lyney laughs softly, shaking his head. “I’m talking to you, silly. You’re a fresh face around here, and I want to know my guest’s name before the show starts,” says Lyney.

“Oh! I thought you meant the others that aren’t natives to Fontaine aside from myself,” you laugh shyly, rubbing the back of your neck as you stand up to properly greet the Fontainian magician. “My name’s [Y/N]! It’s a pleasure to meet you, Lyney.”

You hold your hand out to shake Lyney’s hand. Lyney bows gracefully, grabs your hand, and presses a delicate kiss on your knuckles. You stare at Lyney with wide eyes, heat rushing to your cheeks as you begin to stutter. Scaramouche narrows his eyes at Lyney and is at your side almost immediately, wrapping his arms around your waist and walking away with you.

“I don’t like it when other people show affection toward you,” Scaramouche mutters.

You and Scaramouche end up bumping into someone. Scaramouche looks to see Lyney standing there, his hands propped on his hips as he gazes at you and Scaramouche with a small amused smile. Scaramouche does a double take and turns to where Lyney was standing before he and you bump into the Fontainian magician.

Lyney points at your ear. “You have something in your hair,” Lyney murmurs.

Your eyes widen, and you begin feeling around your hair, searching for the supposed object in your hair Lyney’s referring to. After a few seconds of searching around, you look at Lyney, confused. Lyney smiles and steps toward you, tucking your hair behind your ear. You stare at Lyney with wide eyes.

Lyney glances at you for a second before looking at the side of your head, humming softly. “Oh! I think I found it!” Lyney says.

You sigh in relief and see Lyney hold out a rose toward you.

“A rose for someone as beautiful as you. The rainbow rose is beautiful, but it pales in comparison to your beauty,” says Lyney, his cheeks turning bright pink.

Your eyes widen, and you grab the rose from Lyney’s hand. Lyney smiles and takes a step back, fixing his hat while ignoring the subtle (and some not-so-subtle) glares from the men around you two. You admire the beautiful flower native to Fontaine, lightly rubbing the rose petal between your thumb and index finger.

“Aside from the glaze lily, the rainbow rose is beautiful,” you murmur.

Lyney smiles, places his index and middle finger underneath your chin, and tilts your head up. “Both are beautiful flowers, but they’re not nearly as beautiful as you, my flower,” Lyney says, winking at you.

You gulp and stare at Lyney, cheeks ablaze. Who knew that the Fontainian magician was a sweet talker. Childe lets out a fake laugh as he slowly walks over to you and Lyney, draping his arms over your shoulders while standing tall. Lyney crosses his arms over his chest, looking at the irritated eleventh Harbinger with an amused look.

Childe pats your head. “I don’t know if you’re aware or not, but [Y/N] is my significant other. My snookums is taken,” Childe says, pulling you to his chest while glaring at the Fontainian magician.

Lyney laughs. “Well, your partner is quite a beauty. You might want to hold onto them tightly, or else someone is going to snatch them up,” Lyney jokes, taking his hat off and twirling them on the tip of his finger. “And Snookums is their nickname? How adorable, but a little bit too common.”

Dainsleif raises his eyebrows at Lyney’s comment while Childe lets out another fake laugh, hugging you to his chest tightly. You pat Childe’s back, trying your best not to let the ginger Harbinger crush you against his chest. You don’t mind it, but at least not in front of Fontaine’s famous magician.

Dainsleif crosses his arms over his chest. “And what nickname would you give them if they were your significant other?” Dainsleif asks.

Itto coughs. “Uh, Dainsleif, my guy, I don’t think we should give the magician guy permission to give our onikabuto booboo bear nicknames…” Itto trails off, tapping his foot on the ground.

An amused look flashes across Lyney’s face after hearing Itto’s comment. Lyney hums and strokes his chin while gazing at you intently. Your face heats up the more the Fontainian magician stares at you. Childe rests his chin beside your shoulders, glaring at the shorter male. Lyney snickers and shakes his head.

“Onikabuto booboo bear is certainly an interesting pet name for your significant other. It’s more unique than snookums, that’s for sure. However, it’s too much of a mouthful, and I believe someone as lovely as [Y/N] deserves something sweet and simple,” Lyney says, shrugging his shoulders.

You look around the Opera Epiclese, searching for a clock. You just want the show to start already. You don’t think you have the patience to deal with multiple people debating over nicknames given to you.

Ayato crosses his arms over his chest, looking at Lyney curiously. “And what is that?” Ayato asks.

Lyney smiles and grabs your hand, kissing your knuckles again. “Mon amour, have I ever told you how beautiful you look under the lights of the Opera Epiclese?” Lyney purrs, looking up at you through his thick eyelashes.

“Huh!? Mon amour!? That’s just ‘my love,’ but in another language!” Kaveh exclaims, propping one hand on his hip while leaning on one leg.

Cyno yawns. “And you say the previous nicknames aren’t creative? I would say the same for you,” Cyno mutters nonchalantly.

Lyney releases your hand and sighs softly. “While the nickname is common, I believe it sounds better and more endearing in another language,” Lyney says proudly.

Tighnari huffs and leans to Albedo, whispering, “I find it ironic how he doesn’t like the nicknames Childe and Itto had given [Y/N] when the nickname he gave [Y/N] falls in the same category.”

Albedo chuckles and shakes his head. You sigh and close your eyes, mentally praying to the Hydro Archon to start the magic show already so you don’t have to be caught in the middle of whatever is going on right now. As if the Archon has heard your prayers, the doors to the Opera Epiclese open, and audience members gradually start trickling into the room. Lyney sighs, turning to look at the men around you.

“This is my cue to prepare for the show. I hope you all enjoy the show!” Lyney says, smiling at everyone before turning to look at you. “I hope you’ll cheer for me as I perform, mon amour,” Lyney adds, winking at you before walking to the back of the stage when Lynette gestures for him to get his butt backstage.

You sigh, puffing your cheeks out before sitting down. The men grumble as they begin taking their seats, no longer arguing over who's going to be sitting beside you during the show. The magic show was almost two hours long— the overall show was entertaining, and you could see why Lyney is such a popular magician in Fontaine. He’s charming and witty. He knows how to put people on the edge of their seats, wanting to see more of the magic tricks up his sleeves.

Lights suddenly shine on you, startling you out of your thoughts. You look around cluelessly while the audience stares holes into your body. You clear your throat and look at the stage, only to see that Lynette’s the only person standing on stage while her brother, the star of the show, is nowhere to be seen.

“Huh?” You look around, searching for the Fontainian magician.

Hands cover your eyes, causing you to place your hands over the person’s hands. You hear shuffling from behind you.

The person whispers, “How much do you trust me?”

You space out. How much do you trust this person behind you? You know it’s Lyney. Who else would it be? You decide to go along with it and see where it goes from there. It’s part of his magic trick, and you wonder what he has in store for you and the audience.

You press your lips into a thin line. “I trust you a decent amount,” you reply.

“Do you trust me?” Lyney asks.

You nod slowly. “Yeah, I trust you,”

Lyney smiles and continues to cover your eyes. “Wonderful! Now, please stand up for me.”

You furrow your eyebrows with confusion but continue to do what he says. You hear more shuffling around you. You didn’t know what you were expecting, but when Lyney pulls his hands away from your eyes and tells you to open your eyes, you find yourself in another room. You’re still in the opera house, but you’re not in the audience.

You look at Lyney. “Where are we?” You ask.

“We’re backstage! However, I would like for you to do something for me,” Lyney says, walking toward the wooden box and gesturing to it.

You point at the box, raising your eyebrows at Lyney. “You want me to go in the box and do what exactly?” You ask. “I’ll have you know, I’m not a magician or an assistant to a magician.”

“It’s a surprise,” Lyney says, winking at you.

You get into the box and watch the other assistants close the box. You press your back against the box, feeling the box getting wheeled away somewhere. You trust Lyney despite meeting him not long ago before the performance. You hear the faint chattering of the audience and Lyney’s muffled voice from outside the box.

You were so distracted with trying to hear what Lyney was saying to the audience when the box was suddenly airborne. Your heart sinks into your chest, your stomach drops, and you close your eyes, bracing for impact. Whatever trick Lyney has up his sleeves, you trust him. You’re going to be okay, and you’re not going to get hurt.

Right?

The box opens, and Lyney peeks into the box, gazing at you. You stare at Lyney, confused. Lyney holds his hands out for you to take. You grab his hands and step out of the box. You thought the box was falling from a great distance, but you were wrong. One minute you assume you’re freefalling in a box, and now you find yourself standing on a platform beside Lyney.

Huh? What just happened?

“Why do you look confused?” Lyney teases, poking your cheeks.

You shake your head. “I have so many questions,” you mutter.

Lyney hands you a rainbow rose from thin air, giving them to you. You grab the flower and look at the audience, still confused about what happened. As much as you wanted to ask Lyney how you went from being in the audience to being on stage beside Lyney as his “volunteer assistant,” you have an inkling feeling Lyney is going to tell you the same thing. “A magician never reveals his secrets.”

Lyney laughs, twirling you around in front of the audience before having you face him. You blink rapidly, feeling the dizziness hit you. Lyney pinches your cheek and waves at the audience as they all begin to leave while the men get up from their seats and start walking over toward the stage. Lyney wraps his arms around your waist and jumps off the platform.

“You didn’t inform me about this stunt, Lyney,” Lynette says, propping her hands on her hips while glaring at her brother.

Lyney releases you, and you fix your clothes, sighing in relief when your feet touch the ground. Lyney rubs the back of his neck, laughing shyly.

“Lynette, I sometimes bring volunteers to the stage, remember?” Lyney reminds Lynette. “What? Don’t tell me you’re jealous,” Lyney teases, poking his sister’s cheek with a shit-eating grin.

Lynette rolls her eyes and lightly smacks Lyney’s hands from her face. You sit at the edge of the stage, blanking out. You’re not sure if you have brain fog or if Lyney is such a charmer that he can get you in many situations without noticing the warnings. You rub your temples and close your eyes, sighing. Your mind is all over the place— you can’t think straight. Someone stops beside you and sits next to you at the edge of the stage. You look to see Wriothesley and Neuvillette.

“Did I happen to space out the entire time during the show? I can’t help but feel like I missed out on a lot of things,” you say.

Neuvillette smiles and tucks your hair behind your ears. “Well, Lyney did ask for volunteers for the last part of the show, and you happen to volunteer,” replies Neuvillette.

Well, this is news to you.

You hug your knees to your chest and rest your chin on your knees. “That’s odd. I don’t remember volunteering,” you mumble.

Kaeya laughs from behind you, squatting behind you, and ruffles your hair. “Maybe you didn’t notice because he’s a sweet talker who managed to enchant you with his words,” Kaeya says, pinching your cheeks.

Gorou laughs nervously. “I would be careful if I were you. It seems like his sister isn’t too pleased about him giving you that rainbow rose,” Gorou says, peeking over his shoulders.

You shrug your shoulders and rest your head on Neuvillette’s shoulders, twirling the rainbow rose around by the stem. Unbeknownst to you, Lyney doesn’t plan on stopping wooing you anytime soon. As long as he (and the others) get to see the pretty smile on your face, Lyney doesn’t want to stop sweet talking you.

Note: Not sure how I feel about this mini-fic.... anyway, depending on how high demand Lyney is and if he's an adult (or at least a young adult above the age of 19), I will add him to the harem. Other than that, he and his little brother will make appearances in fics here and there, depending on what the fic is about. Freminet is not going to be added to the harem, in case anyone is wondering. Since there is a hurricane headed toward my state, I don't know how the future of this upcoming fanfic is going to turn out. I'm just hoping the power doesn't go out and that everything will be fine. I just want to write fanfics and post them. Anyway, to all my new and returning readers, keep in mind that I ONLY post on my Tumblr (Genshinluvr) and my AO3 (Aaliah_exo)! Nowhere else except Tumblr and AO3!

Taglist for my Isekai'd!Reader one-shot series and my overall taglist: @chirikoheina, @yoru-trash, @kaoyamamegami, @deartoru, @toobytub, @ins4nebish, @bokuto-kinnie, @jadedist, @mompt2, @thelost-in-time, @ventisweetheart, @hispasian-otaku, @juuuuuj101010, @samarill, @testsubject0012, @irisxiel, @kazuhaprnt, @lunarapple, @emilymikado, @vinnie-w, @n8mareee, @heyimkay, @eliciana, @blesstosuisen, @goldeneclipsedragon, @jjvr4yxc, @sovermike-21-blog, @vox34, @skyyyyackerman, @undecidingfate, @nightlysunn, @faeryminnyx, @simpcreator, @lucifarts-boxers, @thelovebuggs, @urlocalheizousimp, @sunlightstarr, @asoulsreverie, @thedarkwinterrose, @soobinsgirlfriend, @inapileofbooke

Read more of my works on my Masterlist / Masterlist 2 | Maybe support me by tipping me on Ko-Fi or by reblogging my fanfics! ^^ I will also be posting exclusive fanfics on Ko-Fi as well very soon! I might post all of my stories on there too, but who knows. You can also tip me on Tumblr if you'd like as a way to show support! ^^

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good-griief · 1 year

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Time ; Regret

here's part two of "time"! i'm sure you all don't want me to end it here, so even tho i think it'd be a little cruelly funny to leave it up in the air like this, i promise there will be a part three— tho that will be the last part. this part is pretty dialogue-heavy, so i hope you enjoy the 'voices' i gave the characters<33

note sorry to have to post this again but tumblr posted it at the complete wrong time from my schedule and it wasn’t the right draft :( ( some kind of phone to computer mix up idk what happened</3 )

warnings ambiguous relationship/feelings between abby and reader, reference to romance, implications of unrequited love (it's not), she/her reader, lasting effects of torture to reader, morally grey reader, mention of joel's death/torture, ambiguous/story-teller dependent interpretation of major past event between characters

tags @frogtits1 @sawaagyapong @augieee21 @sunkissedbibi @eden-nox

part one part three

link to chapter 2 on ao3

After that, Abby decided against hugging you again, knowing she’d just get emotional. She didn’t know how you’d react to that anymore, so she played her safest bet and explained what happened from a distance, offering to help you work as she did. You didn’t react, but she could tell how upset you were just because you were so quiet.

When she offered to come over that night, you agreed immediately, and when she came to your house, you opened the door with puffy red eyes and swollen lips. She gave you a somber smile. “Come on.” She opened her arms for you, holding you for a moment before she came inside. “They wouldn’t want you to cry,” she said, trying to say something comforting you might, and it coming out improperly. It made you chuckle at her attempt, making her sigh as she stepped away from you. “I’m still not the best at comforting people,” she said quietly, shutting your door behind her as she entered with a small smile. She reached out, dragging her knuckle beneath your eye to rid of any stray tears. You smiled at the gesture, gaining one from her, too.

“You’re right, though.” You blinked away your feelings, taking her hand and leading her to your room so you could sit on the bed together. There was a brief, awkward silence. “What… Uh, what happened? How did it get to this?” You asked as you released her hand, playing with your own to distract yourself.

Abby swallowed, pursing her lips. She had a feeling you’d judge her for what she did, but she wasn't going to lie. “Joel… The way we— I killed him. Tortured him in front of his brother, and killed him in front of that girl; the one he killed everyone to save. She came after us. Went through all of our friends to get to me, and… let me go.” You couldn’t tell how she felt about being left alive, but you were glad she was, placing your hand back on hers for added comfort. “Don’t.” She went to pull her hand away, but you grabbed it with both of yours. “You can be upset with me—“

“I’m not.” You shook your head, holding her hand gently. “I never should’ve given you that lead. I’m sorry.”

“I would’ve found out eventually.” She shook her head. “And I still would’ve done it…” She grimaced. “And this all would’ve happened anyway.”

“There’s no point in blaming yourself,” you sighed. “You just have to—“

“Let go? Yeah… I’ve heard that,” she scoffed, giving your hand a squeeze before she let go. “Couldn’t do it before either.”

“I wasn’t going to say that, Abby.” You shook your head at her. “You just have to accept it. It probably won’t ‘get better,’ and you’ll probably never let go, but you’ll be able to move on with your life, and not feel guilty for that. Then eventually, you’ll start to remember happier things about them, and… you’ll accept it.”

“Is that what you did? Just accept it?” Her lip sneered when she asked the question, but her brows were bent upward with a contradictory emotion.

“I wanted to go back—“

“Why didn’t you?” She asked quickly, eyes rimming red just as quickly and making you avert your gaze.

“I couldn’t…” You shrugged, forcing that same flippancy you gave Mel and Nora. “I mean… I left like a fucking coward, Ab,” you laughed at yourself. “Going back? I’d feel like a complete fool. I couldn’t face you guys— I couldn’t even face you guys four years later. The only thing I could do was keep going and try not to fucking die, I don’t know.”

“Everyone wanted you back,” she muttered, now understanding the brief encounter you had months ago.

“I didn’t think you did.” Abby frowned, the words sounding like you were singling her out. “I thought, I don’t know, even if everyone else wanted me to be there, you wouldn’t after I suggested something so stupid.”

“It wasn’t stupid,” she said, chuckling lightly at your tone.

“It was insensitive.”

She shrugged. “I didn’t care… I didn’t even think of that, I just—“ She shook her head, sighing. “The first thing I thought when you mentioned it was that you were going to leave… I wanted to make it my choice that we wouldn’t see each other again, so I said something stupid— but if I’d just waited, let you talk, then… I would’ve realized you wanted to go together. Everyone just thought you planned on going alone.” She pursed her lips, looking away. “It was my fault everyone responded like that— don’t say it wasn’t,” she said before you could object. “No one would’ve said anything if I didn’t.”

“I didn’t care that much about what everyone else said. I figured they just thought I was going to leave you all, but… I thought you were telling me to leave for bringing it up in the first place.” You lied back on the bed so Abby wouldn’t see your face. “Even still, when I was alone, fucking terrified, the only thing I could think of was whether or not you guys were okay; how, maybe, it was better that I wasn’t there… It seemed like you guys got even closer when I saw you.”

There was a brief pause as Abby looked down at you. Clearly, you both needed to have this conversation, but it was almost impossible to have with how hard it was to sort out either of your feelings.

“The first thing I wanted to do when I realized you were gone,” she started slowly, “was go and find you; tell you that I don’t care, and if that’s what you wanted we could go. We could go to Los Angeles, or Santa Barbara, or San Francisco, or wherever the fuck you wanted to go, ‘cause I had no fucking idea what I was going to do without you… And I needed you.” The waver in her voice made you shut your eyes, taking in her words with a crease between your brows and a frown tugging at your lips. “I fucking needed you, and I just wanted to be with you, and I was scared, so I snapped at you thinking— I don’t know what I was thinking… Maybe-maybe if you knew we wouldn’t be together, then you wouldn’t go? Fuck, I just wanted you to stay with me,” she was rambling, words quick and spilling out until she caught herself, “and everyone else. Where you were safe. Where we were all safe. Together. I didn't mean to push you away.”

You had no idea what to say, staring up at the ceiling with a frown as your eyes shone beneath the warm light. You were quiet, voice small as if you knew just how wrong you were now. “I just wanted you happy,” you mumbled, hardly confident in what you used to think to yourself to justify your actions.

“Without you?” She scoffed at you. “Really?”

You shrugged, now thinking of anything that could back you up. “You had Owen.”

There was a moment of pause before Abby laughed, grabbing your pillow and hitting you with it. “Fuck you.”

“What?!” You laughed, pushing the pillow away and covering your face as she threw it at you. “You… loved him, or whatever,” you waved off, unable to hide the disdain in your voice.

“That’s what. You never liked us together.” You shrugged. “Why?”

You looked over at her, looking her up and down. “I don’t know.” You moved to sit up, huffing as you did and covering it with an exaggerated sigh. “You were my person.” There was a faint upward pull to her lips at that, but it fell quickly when she replayed the sentence in her head. She was your person, and you had stayed hers. After all those years; years of having your picture in her room or pocket, you had stayed close to her heart, but now she was nothing more than an old friend to you. “What?” You asked when you noticed her expression, reaching out and placing a hand on her thigh.

She swallowed, looking down at your hand. “Did you— Did you ever…” She stumbled over her words as she stared at your hand on her, eventually looking away. “Think about us? Any of us? I mean, you, Mel, and Nora were so close…”

You waited for her to finish, but that seemed to be the end of her sentence, so you stood. You went to your dresser, hand on your lower stomach as you grimaced but made sure to hide it from Abby. You grabbed an old jewelry box, taking it in unsteady hands and carrying it back to the bed where you set it down. Around your neck, there was a leather necklace you untied and pulled from your shirt, taking the key at the end of it and unlocking the box.

There was an old tape recorder inside. Headphones and car keys too, and a stack of photos among other trinkets.

Abby looked shocked, looking at you before reaching for the box when you nodded. The car keys, from the first time her dad taught you to drive, were tied to an old coin he’d gifted you. They were on top of an old photo of you and him in his greenhouse.

Her hands went for the other photos, looking through them and seeing how many there were of her or the two of you. You had more of your friends than you did with them; some of these photos she’d never seen before and making her brows pull together as she smiled somberly.

“When I was in Washington,” you spoke up quietly, looking at the pictures as Abby went through them. “Leah was on patrol when my group was leaving. I didn’t have many pictures of us together, so she gave me most of those… I guess she just had them with her.”

Abby smiled faintly. “She kept pictures of us with her all the time.” Her smile then fell again. “I thought you guys left immediately?”

You pursed your lips. “I needed a little extra medical attention before we could leave. She found our hiding spot.” You quickly continued before she could question you. “So I told her about how I lost one of my only pictures of us and my other tape recordings, and she just gave them to me.”

“Of us?” She looked up at you and you nodded. Abby went into her pocket, fingers digging for a wrinkled piece of paper. “I don’t have the recording with me; it's in my room, but… ” she muttered, pulling out the photo and smoothing over the water damaged paper before she handed it to you. “It’s a little ruined.”

“You had this?!” You took it, looking down at the picture and feeling your eyes burn before you moved to hug her, arms squeezing around her shoulders. “You don’t know how bad I felt about losing this, Abby.”

Her hands found your hips, awkwardly pulling you into her before her arms went around your waist to comfort you with how emotional you were getting over one picture. “It’s okay,” she tried to soothe, hand running up and down your back. “I’m glad you lost it. I finally got to keep a picture of us,” she laughed awkwardly, leaning back against your bedframe with you still in her arms. She knew you were trying to hide your face from her, so she let you stay as you were. “I actually thought you just left it behind.”

“What?” You laughed, pulling back to frown at her. She smiled at your laugh, hands still resting on your waist in case you hugged her again.

“I found it by the fire after you left.” She shrugged. “It was with your MP3.”

“So, what? You laughed again. “You thought I was burning pictures?”

“I don’t know, maybe?” She laughed, releasing you as you sat next to her with an eye roll.

Usually, you’d lean into her, or rest your head on her shoulder when you sat next to her, but now things were so different that you couldn’t just bounce back into old habits.

Every touch, every word, every glance, it was all based on feeling; some feeling that was brought up by the past before that fleeting feeling passed too, and soon, Abby was starting to realize you’d become complete strangers to one another. You hardly understood each other anymore. You weren’t certain how the other would react, or reciprocate, you didn’t even know what could be said at times. Even if you could reminisce for hours, when it came to talking and being present, there was hardly anything you could do.

It left Abby forgetting your advice and wishing she could go back to do this all over again; forget about finding Joel first and just find you. Or just go with you to California and spend the years like you did. No matter how much she wanted to go find him. No matter how much she would have regretted it.

At least you wouldn’t be a stranger to her.

Though, she had no idea how those years were for you. She didn’t know the hell you’d gone through, or the sleepless nights. No matter how much you told her that night, you didn’t tell her how you made yourself sick with guilt to the point that you had to lock all of your keepsakes away. Especially because you thought you’d lost one. She didn’t know how hard you worked to accept everything that happened, how seeing them after four years caused a rift between you and your squad to the point that they were telling you just to stay in Washington, how her showing up completely threw you off guard.

But maybe that was for the best.

Because that night, while she was wide awake, thinking of how she could find a way to know you again, you slept soundly. Sleeping through the night for once as you lied with the picture Abby left with you under your pillow.

The next morning, Abby came to the greenhouse. You smiled when you saw her, setting aside your plants to give her your full attention.

“Hey.” She smiled. “I’m going on my first patrol—“

“Already?” Your worried tone made her chuckle. “Ab, you’re still recovering.“

“I know, but I need to get back out there. I’ll go crazy if I don’t.” You grimaced, crossing your arms. “I was wondering if you’d go with me? It’s just around the island, so no combat.” You narrowed your eyes, wondering why she’d bring that up. “It’ll be quick,” she continued to try and persuade you.

“I don’t go on patrols anymore,” you told her, replacing your questioning glare with a sympathetic smile. “Sorry.”

“Oh…” She didn't ask why, just nodded before reaching into her pocket. “Okay, well, I brought this with me to give back to you—“

“No, no, no. Keep it.” You took her photo out of your pocket and handed it over. “I’m sure you’ve realized these go together now. You’ve had them for years. Please.”

The way you spoke to her, so cordially it seemed formal, made her feel uncomfortable in a way she couldn’t describe. She gladly kept the items, thankful you hadn’t, but also wishing you at least seemed to want them.

“Maybe…” You looked around, all of your morning duties done for now. “Maybe I could go with you just this once,” you suggested upon seeing the look on her face.

But she didn’t want you to placate her.

“That’s alright.”

“You sure?” You frowned at the sudden change in tune.

“I’m sure there’s a reason you don’t go anymore.” She gave you a smile and you nodded.

After that day, you didn’t speak much. Lev would come for lessons, and Abby would have to get him sometimes, but slowly, she just faded into another one of your comrades; people you knew but had no relationship with. People who hardly crossed your mind on a day-to-day basis.

She overheard you with one you were closer to— one of your new friends.

“So,” she started, “you know that new girl?” She asked as Abby passed by the greenhouse on her way out to patrol. She planned to get a pouch from you, but paused to eavesdrop. “I heard she’s from Salt Lake.”

You’d hummed. “We grew up together… But I don’t really know her anymore,” you’d admitted quietly, solemn.

Your friend huffed a laugh. “You’re so dramatic. What’s that supposed to mean, huh?”

You chuckled. “I dunno, just… Ya know, when I did know her, she was the best person I ever met. So gentle… kind. She had a way with animals— people, too. I don’t know, she was always so perfect to me when we were younger. I probably had a little crush on her or something.” Your friend cooed at you. “But as we grew up, we were, just, so close. Her dad just took me in like family after mine was… taken.” She could hear your voice falter. “But when he was killed, things changed… Remember that tip I gave in Washington? ‘Bout Tommy.” Your friend hummed. “His brother, Joel. He was the one to kill him, and Abby… She beat him to death. In front of his brother… In front of his kid.”

She could hear the way you struggled to get the words out, biting her inner cheek. She wanted to leave, but she also wanted to know what else you’d say, waiting for you to continue.

“And I don’t even blame her. It makes me sick, but I don’t blame her ‘cause if I ever found out who destroyed my family?” Your voice darkened. “I’d do so much worse.”

“No need to justify to me,” your friend huffed, humming in agreement. “I know exactly what you mean.”

There was a pause before you spoke again “And sometimes, I wish I’d been there to see it through. To know that he’s actually dead… Or, even just to be there for her— ‘cause the girl that I knew? She never could’ve done that. I never would’ve let her get to that point; feel that way? Hurt that much but… I left her.” Your friend tried to speak over you, but you stopped her. “So, I can’t help but feel at fault for what happened to our friends. I don’t know anyone who would still want to care about me after what I did. So, I just feel like I don’t know her anymore. I can’t understand her at all.”

Abby thought of talking to you that night, telling you she overheard the conversation, but she couldn’t bring herself to face you knowing how guilty you felt.

What if seeing her made you feel worse? Talking to her made you feel sick? She’d spent all these years feeling guilty, only to find out you felt the same— and now even more so because you knew how she ended up here. Like this.

She could say the same thing about you. She thought you were perfect when you were younger, she wanted to protect you as you got older, and she felt like she failed you now. Like it was her fault you felt this way. She could say the exact same things you did, which was why she kept her distance and waited for you to come to her.

She waited.

And waited.

#abby anderson x reader #abby anderson #abby anderson hcs #abby x reader #abby tlou #abby anderson x fem reader #abby anderson fluff #abby the last of us #abby and lev #abby anderson angst #abby anderson ff #abby anderson fic #abby anderson x you #abby x you #tlou abby #tlou x reader

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leviiattacks · 3 years

Note

teacher!levi and teacher!reader headcanons please 🥺

author note :: i expected for this to be better but idk,,, um, you know maybe it’s just me who wishes i executed it better but i wrote this at 3am that’s my excuse. ANYWAY I HOPE U ENJOY ANON :-))) i know it’s not headcanons but here!! also my ask box is always open to feel free to drop by !!

word count :: 5.4k (after i had to severely cut the word count down because my tumblr wouldn’t let me post the longer version with more detail,,,,)

honestly you’ve never fit in well with the math teachers in particular but you’re still amicable with most

however, there’s one unbearable member of the group that happens to want to play jump rope with your patience constantly

and that person just so happens to be mr ackerman

every single staff meeting the both of you sit furthest away from each other whilst silently exchanging bitter glares

maybe it’s his stony disposition or his unrealistically harsh grading system that makes him seem so off putting to you.

or perhaps it’s your soft and gentle approach to teaching that drives him up a wall

but to make matters simple, the two of you have never got along. nearly everything he says you disagree with and nearly everything you say he has to rebuke.

every outlandish suggestion of his at meetings is met with firm disapproval from you and every time you bring up wanting to provide the children with more time for extracurricular activities he sneers in annoyance

today he’s proposing a plan to set exams as soon as possible

???

you wonder if he’s even thinking with his head attached to his neck because it’ll be impossible for the children to handle all of the content in the form of an exam paper so soon

the workload he’s been pushing onto his math class has become far too ridiculous for your liking and you want to put an end to the man’s reign of terror

it just so happens your classes are scheduled in the blocks next to each other meaning he always sees your students an hour before you do

it’s got to the point where your pupils trudge into english class completely EXHAUSTED

the other day a boy fainted because of lack of sleep and now mr ackerman has the audacity to put forward the exam dates???

“we need to instill these children with discipline. taking them by surprise will give them a much needed reality check.”

you groan at his speech and raise a hand

“may i interject?”

professor ackerman’s tongue pokes at the inside of his cheek the irritation is painted on his face but he nods although he seems reluctant

“these children do not need standardized exams to-”

“would you like for me to completely scrap exams from the curriculum?” without even allowing for you to present your argument he has to cut you off with a mocking grin

“levi, i think-”

“that's mr ackerman to you.”

his blunt correction has you rolling your eyes because YES!! you understand the two of you aren’t exactly the best of friends but he doesn’t even want to be on a first name basis with a colleague of two years??

his pettiness has your blood boiling in searing displeasure

“you have to stop going so hard on these children.”

he’s shuffling through some paperwork not even batting an eye in your direction.

“personally, we aren’t hard enough but of course the english teacher has trouble understanding that.”

the jab he makes at your job only causes the anger inside of you to bubble up again

why does teaching english have ANYTHING to do with this???

“you teach math yet you can’t calculate the reasoning behind your subpar love life. do not insult english.”

personal insults are your favourite to throw at him because he always gets so riled up

and actually for once you have the answer to a math question.

the reason why his love life is so uneventful has to be because of this :

his personality + his obnoxious humour + his looks = a good looking but undatable man

his jaw clenches and the grip he has on the stack of papers in his hands strengthens

ok,, that is kinda hot but that is not relevant at all

you’re able to make out miss ral one of the other math teachers make a move to speak and god you fight the urge to punch her every day because she’s always gushing about mr ackerman

seeing as you don’t want to punch her or anyone for that matter you turn to give her a “if you speak right now i swear to god i will lose my shit” look

she gets the memo incredibly quickly because her mouth closes shut immediately

mr ackerman takes a sip out of the cup of black tea next to him. “i would appreciate if you just sat back and let me do what’s best.”

“children fainting in my lesson is not what’s best.” your rebuttal catches him off guard and he seems more than a little surprised

“wait- fainted??”

you eyes flick over to mr zacharias, you had told him to pass the message on but the way he’s sheepishly looking at the floor avoiding your eyes clearly tells you all you have to know

“looks like someone forgot to pass the message onto you but the other day falco fainted in english.”

“is he- is he okay?? did he say why?”

eyebrows raising you’re quite surprised to see any sort of reaction from him let alone concern

“he stayed up all night completing your homework.”

lips pressing together into a fine line it almost looks as if he’s guilty

“i’ll talk to him about it later.” his voice is back to its usually plain tone and any trace of his previous worry has been masked.

an awkward silence follows. he coughs choosing to not continue the discussion about exams.

principal smith takes the hint and moves on to discuss planned school trips

HOORAH victory!!!

yet another day where you’ve saved your students

“who is fallacy and why are they pathetic?” a few snorts and giggles are heard around the class and you force yourself to laugh at falco's miserable attempt at a joke

you’ve noticed falco’s been cracking more jokes around his new seat mate gabi.

she’s small but feisty always willing to debate and she’s really a joy to teach although she can get a little bit aggressive with the others at times

honestly it’s quite obvious that falco has a fat crush on her. well, actually it’s been obvious from the moment she step foot into your class

and... you couldn’t just ignore the way falco looked at her could you?? and there was an empty space next to him too sooooo, what harm would there be in placing the two together?

it seems as if your attempt at getting the both of them to talk has worked. gabi and falco compete desperately for the top position in the class and are two of the best students you’ve had in a while

also after the day falco fainted in class gabi has been noticeably nicer. things like asking if he’s drank water or how much he’s slept

you have a small inkling that she may like him back

and the budding romance is adorable to you because you too once had childhood crushes

it feels rather nostalgic to see the two interact

but today you notice the two aren’t in

in fact, you notice half of the class isn’t?

“where are the others?” your question sends a jolt through one of your present students but he stays silent choosing to pretend to clean his glasses as a distraction

crossing your arms over your chest you walk over towards his desk

“udo, you can tell me what it is.”

“professor ackerman said not to tell.” udo looks petrified and you’re just kinda wondering what in the hell is going on

lucky for you his resolve is thin and he quickly cracks under pressure

“okay. you can’t say i told.”

nodding in agreement he looks around making sure no one else hears what exactly it is he’s about to disclose

“he’s kept some people back to talk to them about something top secret. i don’t know what but he asked for the students who like you.”

at that you feel a little bitter because if he asked for the student who liked you why on earth is half the class still here??

but oh well, you guess you can’t please them all

“oh no, no, no. you’ve got it wrong. we all wanted to stay but he didn’t let us.”

udo looks genuine so you let it slide

either way it doesn’t really matter as long as the majority prefer you over that sick and twisted math teacher you’re alright

“he does know he’s cut into my class time right?”

“falco told him that and he whispered something about how you’re bothersome.”

you???? bothersome???

WHEN HE’S THE ONE BOTHERING EVERYONE?/!:£:!/)

you don’t even look back as you walk out frankly furious at what’s happened

english is important

ACTUALLY!!!

ENGLISH > MATH

you will stand by that till the day you die

your knuckle meets with the wooden surface of your sworn enemy’s classroom door and almost automatically you’re able to hear the shuffle of chairs and padding of numerous footsteps approach

the door swings open and you step aside to allow your missing students to pass through

they look nervous but one look at your reassuring smile lets them ease up and relax

“well.” a voice behind you snaps “look who paid me a visit.”

“we’re talking about this later.”

you try your best to sound serious but you don’t know if you pull it off as well as he does because he just ends up giving you a disappointed sort of look

“y/n. stick to being the good cop it suits you better.”

“we are not on first name basis. you said it yourself.” is your narrowed comeback

finally turning to face him you’re surprised when your eyes travel to the triangle of space behind him and you’re able to get a peek of what looks to be a list of books on his whiteboard

pride and prejudice

wuthering heights

jane eyre

ville-

before you’re able to read the rest he moves in front of your line of vision

he’s got quite the selection but,, when did he of all the people on this planet start showing any interest in literature?

“the books on the board what’s that about?”

your inquiry flies over his head and he shuts the door behind him completely

his face doesn’t move and if it does it only shows the slightest hint of confusion

“what books are you talking about?” he replies and don’t know why your knees feel a little weak when he looks you straight in the eyes

snap.

out.

of.

it.

“i saw books on the board.”

“you saw wrong.” he barks back and he’s getting agitated now

maybe you did imagine it...

and you have to get back to teach your class so okay fair enough you’ll let it go because you do know you have a habit of daydreaming randomly

however that doesn’t stop you from giving him another skeptical look before you leave because there is NO WAY you imagined it, but it is you and it really could be a possibility

the click clack of your heels against the floor sound out as you remove yourself from the conversation

you assume he’s returned to his classroom

that’s why it catches you by surprise when you hear a hesitant voice behind you

“there were no books on the board.”

you don’t know why he has to tell you that again because it only makes himself look all the more suspicious

“but if they were a list of book recommendations then what would you recommend i read?”

the question is peculiar coming from him

are you in an alternate universe?

is this a dream?

are you talking to a clone?

a robot?

because this can NOT be the same man you’ve been working with for two years

maybe he’s having a change of heart?

but that sounds unlikely

maybe he’s planning to read the book and somehow with that big brain of his formulate a calculation to score it a measly two out of ten

yeah. that sounds more likely.

nevertheless, you still want to give him a recommendation, maybe he’ll find out he’s into books this way

“you should totally check out pride and prejudice :-)”

for once you’re smiling at him and he doesn’t know what to do because the change is sudden but he doesn’t say a word after that

instead he retreats into his classroom

god.

now you’re sure he’s just asked to form a stupid calculation or whatever the hell it is math teachers do.

“he likes you.” hange has a shit eating grin on their face and you can’t help but narrow your eyes and sigh in exasperation

no he does not like you but you don’t try to correct hange because you know they’re firm in their stupid belief

“would you ever date him?” hange fiddles with the last of their potato salad absentmindedly waiting on your reply

the question literally has you choking on your lunch

“i would rather fight for survival in the wilderness. thank you for asking.”

“oh come on... he’s got a thing for you. you read romance novels all the time you should be able to tell he does.”

“yeah and that thing he has for me is wanting to shove my head onto a pitchfork. you’ve got the wrong end of the stick.” shoving a piece of pasta into your mouth you sigh dreamily at the taste. it serves as a momentary distraction

you get one lunch break and you are not!!!! in the mood to talk about him whilst you’re on that break

he’s attractive

and you have to admit he looks handsome in his crisp white button up and pristine black suit AND his cologne is really...

okay, you are digressing from the point

none of what you just said means anything!!!

at surface level he seems like a catch but it’s what’s on the inside that matters and he said he finds english stupid

that’s more than enough of a reason to dislike the guy?

he thinks stuff like the pythagorean theorem and y = mx+c are entertaining

y = mx+c ??? over literature???

you read books to teach and you read books for your own enjoyment

it would be a complete travesty if you had a crush on a book hater

and levi ackerman most certainly can be classed as a book hater.

a pessimistic book hater if the specifics are needed

“OH! SORRY Y/N GOTTA BLAST MOB’S OVER THERE!!!!!”

you don’t even get the chance to say goodbye because hange makes an eager run towards moblit

hange and moblit are inseparable, both are the shared heads of the science department and since he’s been off on sick leave recently you understand why hange’s rushed off to greet him

you wish you had a teacher friend like that but the sad truth is you’re pretty much a lone wolf. the other english teachers are wrinkly old pickles and talk about antiques or quiz shows :-(

“this seat free?”

no way.

it’s not him

it can't be

what does he even want??

“um, well yeah it is free b-.”

“good.” he takes the seat without you even inviting him and now you’re stuck in an awkward situation you didn’t even expect to be in today

you're about to burst into tears because is it too much to ask for a peaceful lunch period???

mr ackerman clears his throat and places a book in the center of the table. “pride and prejudice although not my cup of tea was... mildly enjoyable.”

wait...

is this him...

admitting defeat!??

HELLLOOOOO

you are over the moon right now because you know he really had to have enjoyed it a lot and is simply choosing to withhold that information for his own reputation

“i’m happy to hear you took a liking to it.” you’re munching away at your pasta a little more upbeat now

“okay but the start of the book assuming all single men want a wife? no, all i want is a good night’s rest for once. also mrs bennet needs to calm down, elizabeth can marry who the hell she wa-”

“someone’s a little passionate aren’t they?” you giggle into your glass of water and you catch mr ackerman frowning

“i liked it okay.”

“i thought you said it was only mildly enjoyable just now?” grinning and looking at him through your lashes his cheeks become red

you guess he’s angry or something but that’s the usual with him

“yeah, whatever. i just wanted to play fair and apologise.”

“apologise?” oh wow, now your interest has really peaked because never in the past two years has he apologised to ANYONE

not even principal smith for the one time he flipped out and nearly cursed at a mouthy student at parent's evening

grimacing a little before he does it he finally speaks again.

“english is important. i’m sorry.”

your lips tug up into a bright smile

well???

this is a great interaction??

an apology coming out of levi ackerman of all people

“apology accepted! i’m glad to know you liked the book but now that we’re a tad bit friendlier with each other i wanted to ask for a favour.” your eyes gleam and he swears he can see specks of shining stars in them

“...okay, it depends.”

he’s warming up to you so he considers it

“please don’t cut into my lesson time levi.” his name slips out of your mouth but it’s so natural you don’t even care to correct yourself

“i’m sorry about that too y/n.” your name now ventures out of his mouth too as it tests the waters

wordlessly the two of you agree to first name basis

BUT more important matters are at hand such as how he’s issued you yet another apology?

this is satire surely

because why is he so willing all of a sudden...?

well, that's the power of pride and prejudice, wow you’re really thanking the heavens for blessing this world with jane austen’s existence

jane austen. a woman capable of remarkable things, she's even managed to make an unmoving book hater somehow become a lover

poking at your tuna pasta you and levi are now quiet.

“soooooo, any opinions on mr wickham?” you ask the question hoping to initiate a longer conversation than before

and luckily for you your attempt works

SUCCESS!!

levi pinches the bridge of his nose and the creases on his forehead show he clearly isn't particularly fond of wickham

“don’t get me started he’s so indescribably annoying?”

ok, ok, ok

you don’t even know how it happens but you and levi really hit it off

weeks have passed and you and him have even become lunch buddies

it was so shocking to moblit at first that he dropped his lunch on the floor when he saw you and levi enthusiastically exchanging words

then again, two mr wickham haters are bound to get along

you’re seriously wondering how the two of you ever survived as mortal enemies

yeah, you still disagree a lot but you’re getting there!!

sometimes he helps you out when your computer stops running and in exchange you’re willing to offer him book recommendations

he swears he doesn't want any recommendations from you but you know he enjoys it

yesterday he got microsoft excel out and showed you how useful it really was and you went :O because you never really understood the need for it at all

you’re a little bit of a granny when it comes to tech...

and just today at lunch you recommended he checks some plays out but his nose wrinkled at the mention of shakespeare so the both of you went through a long list of dramas and eventually you were able to interest him in j.b. priestely's an inspector calls

another victory for you!!

anyway, right now the two of you are sitting inside of the staff room seeing as it's that time of the month again.

time for the monthly staff meeting

it's the first one you've had since you and levi became friends and you're worried the both of you will be back at it butting heads

wait, are you friends?

well, you wouldn't mind if that were the case but to be honest you would like to be a little bit more than friends mayb-

no!!! no!!! no!!! stupid thought!!! you retract that statement immediately

no you do not want to be more than friends with levi ackerman, yes he's lovely to a degree but you are not going to elaborate on why it's a terrible idea to fancy him

okay wait, let's elaborate for the sake of elaborating

he's surprisingly charming and wittier than you thought he would be. the fun conversations are making your days now and to be honest it is nice to have someone to spend lunch with (hange usually skips out on lunch all together to tinker in the science labs and set up experiments)

wait... weren't you suppose to explain why you don't want to get with him?

you're an idiot and you don't notice how dumb you really are until everyone just kinda gawks at the both of you because it's so odd seeing you in the same room let alone within a three feet radius of each other.

fuck, you completely forgot you and levi sat at opposite ends of the room

principal smith enters and even he looks visibly shocked at the change in seats but he doesn't mention it and you're grateful he doesn't because you didn't purposefully sit here it just happened on accident

erwin turns in your direction and smiles

"would you like to start off with your proposition for extracurriculars?"

nodding your head you begin passionately.

"well, i'd like to say i don't think we offer the children enough. we have spare funding so why not open another club? cooking perhaps? i understand many of you may not understand the importance of teaching them how to cook but-"

"do you have an obsession for setting these children up for failure?" tensing up you notice it's levi who's spoke and he doesn't sound remotely happy

blinking once and then twice he realizes his tone isn't the best and he mutters an apology "sorry, go ahead i'll add in when you're done."

whispers travel through the room straight away

"did he just say sorry?"

"actually why are those two sitting together?"

"do you think they're you know...?"

miss ral who's sat a little further away is the next person to disagree with you

"i understand the intention but would it not be better to let them have extra math lessons?"

"oh, so you can get a pay rise?" the comeback you make is aggressive and dripping in displeasure

she sits up face burning up

"no- no- absolutely not i take pleasure in teaching all of my classes." flustered and trying to hide her nerves she takes a sip out of her water bottle

you want to pour all of the water out onto that ginger hair of hers

the reason why her interjection is getting on your nerves is due to the fact you overheard her and another one of the math teachers plan to bring this specific point up

and you are well aware that her reasoning behind it has nothing to do with the children

she couldn't care less about them

"do not make me repeat what you and mr bozado were chit chatting about earlier today."

the threat is enough to silence her and just when you think you've handled the situation levi has to give his input

"let's ignore petra's motivations and talk about how teaching these kids how to cook means nothing if they have no tradable skills to offer in the real world." levi's not looking at you. he's either too annoyed or too preoccupied with his thought process

at that moment you feel naive, you thought maybe he would try to understand your opinion seeing as he's been spending so much time with you as of recent but that looks to not be the case

murmurs of agreement fill the room at his statement and you feel pathetic

it's practically the entire room against you now

genuinely how is it these people can manage to be such spoiled sports about everything?

"recently, i asked all of my classes to write an essay about school stress. maybe you won't understand my views because you haven't read their pieces but they need a fucking break." the expletive flies out of your mouth without warning and you flush in embarrassment

that

was

not

professional.

"oh god, i'm sorry i got worked up i shouldn't hav-" fumbling over all of your words you feel even more mortified

the principal raises his hand signalling you stop and you clamp your mouth shut. you're in huge trouble that's for sure

but,,, in spite of the clear difference in opinion between you and the other teachers, soft and well spoken principal smith says the unthinkable

"i have the final say and i believe you are coming from a good place after reading your student's work. how would you feel about running the new cooking club?"

scanning his face for a second you can tell his question is legitimate and the wave of relief that washes over you has never felt better than ever

sighing contently you agree and as the topic of conversation shifts to something else entirely you sense your heart rate picking up

you feel like you're back to square one with levi.

it's yet another day where you’ve saved your students and you should be feeling overjoyed but if anything you feel a little deflated

you wish he would have come around and understood but you can't teach and old dog new tricks

again, the feeling of disappointment wears you down

two weeks have passed since then and your favourite time of year has come. it’s spring term meaning MACBETH

the english curriculum includes plays and it just so happens that today is your first lesson covering shakespeare

and you LOVE shakespeare

something about all the intricate foreshadowing always has you excited

but some children are missing

and it’s way too many to blame on sickness

so you wait for a few minutes but it's consistently radio silent

the last time this happened the culprit had been levi and he promised to never cut into your lesson time

but you could count on him to break his promise after the fiasco that was the monthly meeting

is he back to hating you and hating literature?

well, that's his loss if that's the case!! and no!! you will not upset yourself over the loss of the budding friendship

sighing you get to your feet making a beeline to the door but gabi and falco rush to stop you

awkward chuckles activated they wave their hands to get your attention “OH NO, they’ll only be five minutes!!” their sentence comes out as one big blur of words but you manage to understand them

now you’re doubtful because you know falco and gabi would usually ignore you and allow you to walk out

giving them a knowing glance the pair look between each other

their eyes are clearly communicating and asking if it’s alright to tell you

“i promise i won’t be mad.” you sigh

perhaps if you reassure them they’ll be more likely to spill the beans

“it’s not that you... i don't know. you might be upset.” gabi isn't one to care much for other's feelings so you're slightly anxious even though you shouldn't be

but you’re a tough nut to crack. so, absolutely not. you are not going to upset yourself over whatever it is

“i won’t be hurt. i’ve suffered through reading some of the most emotional classics to ever exist.” hitting your chest with your fist you wince a little because you hit yourself a little too hard

falco’s seems to be too shy to come out with it so gabi takes the lead as she normally does

“some students were talking badly about you so mr ackerman kept them behind to have a talk.”

oh.

yeah, actually you are a teeny weeny bit disheartened because you think you’re nice to all of your pupils but it’s nothing too bad, not everyone will like you

“if that’s all i’ll go get them. thank you for letting me know.” giving them two thumbs up you leave the class immediately

levi is probably scolding them to hell and back

not because he cares for you but because he hates disrespect in general

as you’re nearing the open door of his classroom you hear something you never thought would emerge from levi’s room

“final question. why does mr darcy say he doesn’t want to dance with elizabeth at first?” oh yeah, that’s levi’s voice for sure

an english question?

is he quizzing them on pride and prejudice?

you wait hoping your students don't fail you and are able to provide the correct answer.

“ummm... she’s not pretty enough!!”

levi hums “you answered all five questions right. do you all know why?”

you can’t see the children’s faces but they have to be confused if there’s no immediate response

he grunts in agitation “because your english teacher works hard to teach you every single day. have some respect because that teacher of yours is one in a million.”

taking your bottom lip in between your teeth you fight the urge to smile

“do you know how at every single staff meeting there’s only ever one teacher fighting for you all and what you want. i can assure you that teacher isn’t me, but i believe you can all guess who i'm talking about.”

your heart does a back flip in your chest and you feel jittery but in that really fuzzy good way

like that super duper fuzzy and hazy good way

he’s really very sweet for saying all of this and you're now smiling like an idiot

one pupil takes a chance to make amends “we’re sorry mr ackerman.”

but before levi can give them a response you clap your hands together and walk in unannounced

“apology accepted, now if you want to all be forgiven forever please return to class and answer the questions on the board!” directing them to the door with your hands you make sure they're conscious fo the fact you aren't mad at them

still, never have you seen them so eager to run off to analyze macbeth. you guess levi's deathly stare is the cause for it

holding back a laugh you clear your throat after the last student leaves

“thank you levi :-)”

it’s quiet for a second and you think to ask him about what has been gnawing at your mind

“you didn’t have to do that. you disagreed with me before so... why did you?”

“i say this at every meeting and you never listen but children need to be disciplined.” his unchangeable tone is unwelcoming

again it’s awkwardly silent and you sorta regret even coming over to see what was going on because now you and levi are just having an uncomfortable staring contest

then he scratches the back of his neck and heaves a heavy breath

“it may also be because i really fucking like you, but i look like an idiot saying that when we’ve been at each other's necks for two years.”

oh.

the sudden and brutally honest confession has the wind knocked out of you, you’re stunned

and then you get hit by it too. the realization hits you like rain hits umbrellas on stormy days. you like him too.

you like him for his witty sense of humour, his pure honesty and his hatred for mr wickham only serves as a bonus

yes, you have your differences. many of them. but you like him

he’s no longer a book hater and so by default you can fancy him. he goes against none of your guidelines essentially

you like him, he likes you back?’//’.;

[SCREAMS]

“well, what do you say? will you be this mr darcy's elizabeth bennet?” hearing the cheesy pickup line from him of all people has the butterflies in your stomach exploding in delight

“you sound weird, where's the grumpy math teacher from before?" now you and him are simply shamelessly flirting but HEY!! you have no complaints at all

he scoffs at your sarcastic question

"do you want the equation for a two dimensional heart on a graph beca-"

"can i just kiss you?"

wOWIE are you being bold today y/n???

thankfully you don't have to wait for his answer. levi’s right hand pulls your face in and he slams his lips against yours. he gives your waist a squeeze and you hold him tighter by the neck in response. he has a way of somehow making it all feel gentle and relaxed in the same breath

and... you know what? maybe you should have recommended pride and prejudice to him earlier

but oh well.

what matters the most right now is that you're kissing your mr darcy!!

and he’s kissing his elizabeth bennet

:-)

#levi #levi ackerman #aot #snk #attack on titan #attack on titan levi #levi x reader #levi x y/n #levi headcanons #levi drabbles #levi scenario #teacher levi #levi fanfiction #aot fanfiction #leviiattacks #attack on titan x reader #levi fluff #modern levi #modern levi ackerman

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foxtophat · 3 years

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MERRY CHRISTMAS IN JANUARY EVERYONE yeah i know ~nothing is fixed~ but whatever, fuck you, have some fanfic

so anyway i’ve been planning this for a while, i’m kinda shocked tho b/c i finished writing it in like less than 3 days??? (aside from editing) usually it takes me longer to at least figure out how to wrap things up, but at least this one was easy money. i’m sure none of the other ones will be so kind to me

this one takes place a month or so after the last one; it’s set in spring 2028 (omfg finally on a new year!!!!) and it has a little something to do with carmina finally getting some chickens!!!! one thing about new dawn that i think was really lacking is the explanation of how life... restarted before the highwaymen. i definitely remember a few houses having chicken coops, too, so i know i’m not crazy putting these feathered friends in. to me, chickens are the most sensible post-apocalyptic pet outside of a dog; easy to care for, provide food while alive AND after death, and they can reproduce easily enough if you’ve got a rooster on hand. i can imagine a family making quite a life for themselves as a poultry farm in the apocalypse!

ugh idk what else to say so i’ll just say it: thank you so much for all of your comments and kudos on this series. i am so stoked to know that my self-indulgent trash is delicious to more than just my possum ass! i’ve had a lot of fun worldbuilding in ubisoft’s playground, and i hope to continue doing more fun stuff that other people will enjoy too!!!

with all that said, i hope you enjoy the fic :) i’ll put it below the cut for you if you don’t wanna leave tumblr, but ao3 looks so much better. anyway, thank you and have a great jan 20th!!!!

Winter melts away the same way it does every year, leaving in its path wet dirt and green buds of spring growth. John, nursing what's likely the last cup of coffee they can wring from this batch of grounds, stares out over the back yard and idly marvels at how quickly the snow had disappeared. Montana had been his first experience with white winters; even though he's gotten used to the changing seasons in theory, though, he can't help but be distracted by it year after year.

Across the yard, situated just in sight by the hangar, John can plainly see Carmina's new chickens looking for breakfast. They're the newest addition to the homestead, but so far John has only had to watch from afar as the Ryes worked to adjust them to their new home. He's not sure who's raising chickens out here, but at least they were willing to barter. Fresh eggs are going to mean a lot more than the dwindling supplies out of Jacob's cache.

The misty-gray of early morning has almost evaporated in the rising sunlight, and still the chickens haven't been fed. John watches them from where he stands, their frustration leading to subdued crows as they scratch at the dirt. He doesn't know who's noisier — them, or Nick and Kim arguing at the table behind him. Thank Christ the wet end of winter is over; John doesn't think he can tolerate much more of their married nagging. On some level, he's glad they don't make a habit of yelling at him instead of each other, but Jesus, he can't wait for them to both get some space from one another.

"This is why we said we weren't gonna do pets, remember?" Nick says. "Because if she got a pet, we would end up taking care of it. Remember?"

"Yes, Nick, I remember."

"Yeah, and here we are!"

Kim sighs. John doesn't have to look to see the exasperated eye-roll that comes with it. "It wasn't me who kept her up late last night! Which one of us was egging her on when she should have been asleep?"

This is exactly why John has never owned a pet. They're more trouble than they're worth, and the only thing they seem to be good for is teaching shitty life lessons to kids who don't care enough to learn. The only good thing about the chickens is that they provide something in return other than obnoxious crowing.

Carmina thumps around upstairs. John isn't looking forward to having to listen to Kim lecture her on responsibility, but he's not thrilled to listen to much more of this bickering, either. If his choices are to stay inside and fester or go out into the first nice day of the year — well, that's not much of a choice, is it?

"Fine," John sighs before either of the Ryes can set their sights on him, "I'll do it."

"Nobody's asking you to do it," Kim replies. "It's Carmina's responsibility."

John shakes his head. "Of course it is. Where's the feed?"

Nick points out a white plastic container sitting on the pass-through to the kitchen. "Not gonna wait for us to boss you around?" he asks.

John picks up the container and rattles it to make sure it's full. "I'm streamlining the process," he replies. "Unless you enjoy giving me orders."

Sure enough, implying Nick might like being a bossy piece of shit is enough to get him to shut up. He sighs with a deep frown at John, who ignores him as he heads out to the coop. It's a petty satisfaction to take the rug out from under Nick's feet, but John's not above it. Not by a long shot.

Some of it might be compensating for the disintegrating peace that had come with winter. Before the blizzard set in, they'd had enough on their collective plates as they prepared for the worst of the season. Afterward, the snow had prevented them from doing much more than what was necessary to survive, and the resulting downtime had settled like a comfortable blanket. Even now, with a few weeks of grating interpersonal interactions, John feels more focused, more rested than he can ever remember feeling. Living underground for eight years, he'd naively thought that he'd gotten enough rest to last him a lifetime — but he'd been strung out on Bliss and trying not to suffocate, and he hadn't known what he was doing. He's starting to suspect that the Bliss might've had a worse effect on him than the myriad other drugs he'd ingested. Hell, he's not sure he's clean even now — but he's managing, and that's what matters.

It's only once he's halfway across the yard that John realizes Kim forgot to argue about him going off on his own. Sure, he's only going as far as the hangar, but it's become something of a pleasantry she uses whenever John pretends to have the freedom to go where he pleases. Her irritation at Carmina and Nick probably made her forget. She's gotten so used to trusting John that she's finally found other things to take up her attention.

Weirdly enough, the casual disregard for his potential backslide irritates him. It really shouldn't. He should be thrilled that he can finally disappear from view for an hour without somebody calling out a search party. He's more than earned it, he thinks, but their trust highlights their naivety. Luckily for them, John means it when he says he's changed — but it's a line they're going to hear time and again from people far less genuine than he's been. They're so willing to help everyone and anyone that they don't even realize how much of a target they're making themselves. John's had to hold his tongue whenever Nick gives free supplies to shifty-eyed tweakers who are "just passing through," and while he trusts Kim not to let anyone obviously suspicious into the house, he doesn't trust her to recognize a cunning liar.

The last thing John needs is for the Ryes to put their trust in the wrong reformed psychopath. At least he's capable of picking up their slack. After all, John has his time at law school and years of psychological abuse under his belt — plenty of real-world experience dealing with unrepentant garbage. He'll notice it when somebody cases the hangar or acts too erratically, and hopefully the Ryes will listen to him if he gets the nerve to voice his concerns.

Not for the first time since summer, John is struck with a newfound respect for Jacob and the role he'd inhabited in the Project. It used to be his job to look out for insurrectionists, and he'd taken on that burden even when John and Joseph would openly dismiss his concerns. John can't imagine how many fires Jacob must've put out while the rest of the family was distracted by the Bliss. Looking back on it now, it's honestly a surprise they maintained their operation as long as they did, considering only one of the four of them was ever sober.

The chickens are hopping at his arrival, scuttling around the dirt and crowing as John reaches the pen. They don't notice him so much as the bin he rattles on approach, full of vegetable cuttings and strange white worms that come out whenever it rains. John doesn't mind one lick — he's never been much of an animal person, and he certainly doesn't care if Carmina's so-called pets notice his existence. Of course, knowing Carmina, she's going to use this as an excuse to shift breakfast duty to John full-time, and John won't have much of a say in the matter.

Well, that's not strictly true, but if Carmina asked, he knows he would do it, if only to give his day more structure. Truthfully, he's grown to depend on routine, when before it was impossible to keep to a schedule that didn't involve other people's expectations of him. There's probably a metaphor to be made about trains on and off the tracks, but John has never been particularly interested in locomotives.

John shakes the dead bugs and scraps out into the pen, watching the hens as they race to be the first to eat. They're perfectly happy now that they've been fed, cooing and clucking as they peck the dirt. They certainly seem content with safety and food — not entirely unlike the survivors living day-to-day in the town and beyond. Sure, John might not always be satisfied by bare sustenance, and one day he'll chafe under the grind of surviving week to week, but for now, he might as well be a dumb chicken crowing in the morning sun.

He throws some more feed into the pen, watching the three hens waddle after their meal. One of them lingers by the fence, freezing for a moment as her head swivels back and forth. She pecks at the dirt away from the feed before hustling after her two companions. John watches as she stops again; when he tosses a few worms in her direction, she pecks briefly at them before lifting her head to survey her surroundings.

The primal sensation of something being wrong nearly overtakes John's reasoning, before he manages to remind himself that a chicken's predators aren't exactly his to worry about. Still, he rattles the container to bring the hens scuttling towards him; all three are easily distracted by food now, but John can't shake the feeling that he'd missed something they hadn't. A fox, maybe? A snake? Anything could be lurking in the woods on the other side of the wash. Not a whole lot that could hurt him , of course, but he's not about to be blamed for Carmina's chickens being eaten by a wild dog.

The fence-line is... nebulous past the hangar, sure, but John's positive Kim doesn't consider the rest of the old airport off-limits. Then again, she might be in the mood to lecture him once she gets through with Carmina. It's a risk he's not sure he's willing to take.

Two chickens continue to eat as one keeps watch, their heads bobbing up and down as they switch off. Their unease mirrors his own, and John can imagine Faith giggling at him for being swayed by some dumb birds.

"Very well, ladies," he sighs, shaking the remainder of their breakfast onto the ground. "Don't let them say I don't care."

The chickens don't give three shits about John's motivations, of course; they watch him go, pecking at the food with increasing carelessness as the distance grows. John rolls his eyes at their sudden fearlessness, half-convinced to let whatever animal is lurking eat them out of spite.

There's a wide swath of dirt behind the hangar, separating it from the mostly-overgrown remnants of Rye Aviation that couldn't be saved. John can see the edge of the chicken pen from here, but the hangar is blocking him from the house. Even though he knows the Ryes trust him not to run off, he still feels distinctly uneasy going somewhere where they can't see him. At this point, Nick would probably only tease him for it, but John's not about to linger out here and risk turning Kim's irritation on himself.

To the right of the derelict hangars is a sparse wedge of trees that have grown in uninterrupted. John knows there's a path cut between the trunks, one he'd made himself while hauling the tire-planters for Kim last year, and there's a long stretch of unused runway beyond it. It isn't a great place for anything bigger than a fox to lurk in. That doesn't explain the feeling of being watched that comes over him as he stops halfway across the empty dirt lot; he looks around, but there's no place for anything to hide out here. The overgrowth on the old hangars can't be more than two feet high, and the bushes in the copse are brambly and sparse. The only place anything could hide would be in the trees, which is why John approaches them with more caution than they're worth.

The thinned underbrush is easy to explore, but John goes carefully as he picks through the trees and bushes. He doesn't know exactly what he's looking for — some sign of predators, whatever those might be — but he doesn't find much. There are some hoof-prints clear in the dirt, curving sharply away from the Rye homestead and back out to the airstrip, which tells John that the goddamn deer are back, probably looking to eat their hard-grown crops. Other than that, there's no sign of anything that might be stalking the hen-house. The ground is still somewhat soft from the rain a few nights ago, but it barely takes the imprint of John's boots as he explores the small grove.

That's why it's such a shock to see the tread of a narrow boot in the dirt by the trunk of one of the trees, well off the beaten path. It's an old print, he thinks — but he doesn't remember the last time any one of them had been out this way. Certainly not since the last time it rained.

An electric shock conducts itself down his spine. Somebody had been out here, hiding here in the trees, and it's only been two, three days since the last rain. John turns, and from his vantage point, he can clearly see the coop and the back of the hangar, but not the house. For that, he'd have to move out of the trees, into direct view of the porch.

It has to be Grace's boot. She's the only one he could imagine creeping around the property with good intentions. But even that explanation doesn't settle the anxious flip of his stomach; he tries not to let it show as he marches from the trees, intent on dragging Nick over and proving to him once and for all that they need to be more goddamn careful about who they let around the property. Somebody is going to want the copper fixtures they've salvaged, even if there's nobody to sell the metal to these days.

John gets halfway back to the coop when he catches something in his peripheral vision. Terrible, primal terror grips him as he fixes his gaze on the trick of the light that had scared him, ready to catch Grace peering at him over the abandoned hangars, or maybe a pack of wild dogs. What he sees instead turns his blood to ice, caught like a deer in headlights as the low-hanging shrubbery and thick vines shift and part for a rising mass of dark brown fur. The shape that rises from the underbrush is a tall, dark smudge against the blue sky, and John nearly swallows his tongue when he sees its face — or the horrifying absence of one, replaced with white, flaking skin and two huge, empty eye-sockets that are fixed on John's position.

It doesn't move. Neither does John, frozen to the spot as the chickens begin to crow and fuss. He can't fathom what he's looking at — a bear, a person, a fucking mutant? — but whatever it is, he suspects it's infected with Bliss. Who knows how many angels ended up underground after the Collapse? What might've happened to them in the years since? All John knows about them is that they're dangerous to everybody but Faith, and Faith died a decade ago. If this is an angel — God, there'll be no stopping it. And if it isn't — then what the hell is it ?

There's no way for John to get from here to the house without the thing chasing him. The hangar is blocking his brutal oncoming murder from the two people who might actually be able to do something about it. He doesn't have to look to know the distance from here to the house is insurmountable.

The creature lifts its arm, and the situation that couldn't get any worse takes an even more horrifying turn as it reveals its weapon of choice: a crudely fashioned bow, the same kind of handmade weaponry that Joseph's followers have been seen with.

All at once, Nick's voice is ringing in John's ears, warning him of what's going to happen if this gargoyle takes him away. The things John hadn't considered before — the Ryes' reputation, Carmina's safety, the hard-won trust John's gained from the survivors — it's all in jeopardy. The situation barrels into him all at once — the realization that whatever Joseph did to create this thing , he won't hesitate to turn on John.

He tries to shout a warning, but his breath is caught in his throat. Faith's voice, faint on the breeze, laughs and whispers sing-song into his ear:

They've found you!

The monster barrels down the slope of the hill as if prodded into action by a hot poker. Its gait is wide, bringing it towards John at speeds impossible to outrun. This time, John's shout comes out clear as a bell, panic screaming through him as he turns and bolts for the house. He nearly clips himself on the pen as he hangs a sharp right turn, the porch coming into full sight —

Something snags the back of John's shirt, and his momentum briefly chokes him. A thick arm bears down across his neck before he can rip free, the creature grunting in exertion as it yanks him backward. John feels his boots scrape on the dirt as he's dragged towards the trees, away from the safety that's plain in sight.

Animal instinct kicks in. John gnashes his teeth but there's nothing to bite, so he kicks out his feet instead, first in front of him and then harshly backward until he can hook his shin behind his assailant's and trip them both to the ground. The creature goes down with a surprised grunt; John does his best to roll away, only to be yanked back by his hair. He's distantly aware that he's spitting like a cat in a sack, clawing and biting, the two of them rolling in the dirt as John screams profanities and heresy at the monster trying to pin him down, anything to convince the universe to take mercy on him for once in his fucking life!

The creature manages to grab him by the shoulder, throwing him into the dirt before backhanding him violently across the face. It's enough to daze him; for one horrible second, he's unable to do anything as the monster begins to drag him across the dirt by the legs.

There's a commotion coming from the house. For a split second, the creature looks up, and John realizes his opening at the same time the monster realizes its mistake. It looks down just in time for John to kick it square in its barky, hollow-eyed face, sending a split down the wooden facade.

" John !"

The monster reels backward as if burned, grabbing at the mask as it falls away. John catches sight of a single dark, wild eye behind the broken wood before he kicks out again, sending both boots into his assailant's chest. As soon as the creature staggers back, John bolts, scrambling towards Kim as she races toward him with the rifle drawn. Nick is hot behind her; he grabs John's shoulder and drags him partway back to the house. John doesn't need the escort, and so Nick quickly leaves him to scramble up the porch as he goes after his wife.

John gets all the way to the stairs inside before he realizes there's no safe place to hide. He'd found out this winter just how flimsy the prisoner story had been; if somebody wants to take him, all they have to do is climb onto the roof and jimmy the lock on the nearest window. Whether it's through the broken window in his room or a gap in the roof leading to the attic, the Project will find him. He can't possibly outrun them forever. He'd be stupid to even try. God, he'd been a fool for thinking Joseph wouldn't send someone looking for him, that he wouldn't want to snatch John back from the clutches of apostasy. There's no way Joseph will leave a loose end like him untied.

John sinks to the bottom steps in his mounting despair, only to realize for a second time that he's being watched. The realization is less of a shock as Carmina peers at him around the kitchen archway; she jumps at the distant rapport of gunfire, staring owl-eyed at John as though she expects him to do something.

"Stay down," John hisses, setting an example as he keeps low on his way into the kitchen.

"What happened?" Carmina asks, frantic, "Is mom gonna be okay?"

"Yes," John replies, although he can't possibly know that for sure. He waits a beat, listening for more gunshots, then carefully lifts his head to check out the window when none come. He lets out the breath he'd been holding when he sees Nick standing with his hands on his hips, staring at Kim further down the yard. Whatever the danger had been, it's not pressing enough to warrant immediate action.

"Seriously," Carmina whines, as if that could hide her fear. "What was it? Was it a bear? Grace says there are bears in the woods but I've never seen —"

John sinks to the ground, his mind reeling even as the panic passes, leaving him numb. "It wasn't a bear."

Carmina chews on her lower lip, looking up towards the window as though she might try looking for herself. "Are the chickens okay?" she asks.

"They're fine," he sighs. He pushes his hair from his face, only to realize that his hands have started to tremble with run-off adrenaline.

"Are... you okay?" she asks, frowning as though she can't decide whether or not his wellbeing is her problem to deal with.

Goodwill must be genetic, John laments. "I'm fine," he tells her. She gives his shaking hands a hard look; he sighs and reiterates, "I'll be fine. Don't worry about me."

"I'm not," Carmina huffs. Apparently, Nick's attempts to teach Carmina how to bluff haven't worked out.

John is saved from needing to reassure her as Nick abruptly appears in the kitchen arch, out of breath and red-faced. His shock gives way to relief at the sight of the two of them huddled by the counter. He's out of breath and visibly bewildered.

"Shit, John, you okay?"

"I'm fine," he says, although he doubts Nick will believe it any more than Carmina had. His foot jogs uselessly against the floor. "Kim — did she...?"

Nick shakes his head. "She tried," he says, "But it was too fast. What the fuck was it ?"

"Somebody from the Project."

"No shit. But — look, it wasn't an angel , was it?"

John shakes his head. "I don't know."

Kim storms into view, making her way to the pass-through from the living room side. She sets the rifle down on the counter, catching John's eye with a glare. John hurries to explain himself, as if he could possibly apologize for bringing the cult back to her doorstep.

"I was checking for foxes," he tells her, "I didn't think it — if I'd known what it was, I wouldn't have gone on my own."

Despite the fury in her eyes and the hard edge to her voice, Kim seems to mean it when she replies, "As long as nobody's hurt."

But the damage is done, and John can't help but babble on uselessly. "I wasn't looking in the right place. But I shouted as soon as I saw it. I just — couldn't outrun it. I wasn't fast enough. And I wasn't — it was stronger than I expected, stronger than..." Even he can hear the panic edging into his voice, cutting himself off with one last worried question. "Do you think it's gone?"

"It better be, if it knows what's good for it," Kim replies. "Are you sure you're okay?"

At any other time, John would be irritated to have to reassure every single Rye individually that he isn't in the throes of a panic attack. Right now, he's only grateful to realize that Kim doesn't blame him for the thing's appearance.

"I am," he says. "Thank you."

Nick groans, covering his eyes with one hand as he leans against the counter. "So much for it being safe to go out alone. Damn it, we got too comfortable."

" I got too comfortable," John says. "It wouldn't have cared about either of you."

"What about the chickens?" Carmina asks, "Are they safe there?"

Kim crosses her arms. "What I want to know is what the hell the Project is doing out here."

Her question is the only one John has any insight into, although he doesn't know how realistic his theory is. "They might be hunting deer," he says. "The only thing I saw, other than — than that , were deer tracks."

"All the way out here?" Kim asks skeptically.

"The hunting can't be any good in that swamp they're hiding in," Nick points out, frowning as he considers the idea. "And there are more survivors around the river these days. I'd bet that'd make for slim pickings."

"I doubt we'd even know they come out this far if I hadn't been the one out there. At least we've confirmed they're actively searching for resources beyond their compound — and they're relying on traditional methods to do so. Most likely because the armory was destroyed."

"Thank God for the Deputy," Nick sighs. "Okay. We're just gonna have to... I dunno, be willing to shoot, I guess." He doesn't sound so sure about it, and he quickly softens the intention. "At least a couple more warning shots. Once they remember guns outstrip arrows every way but sustainability, they'll probably keep back."

"We can push the fence-line out, too," Kim says. "It won't necessarily stop them, but at least it'll give them a line to cross. They're not cavemen — they remember property laws and how those get enforced around here."

"We'll have to start checking the traps more often. They might be living like bloodthirsty Mennonites right now, but that doesn't mean they aren't willing to steal to survive."

"They'll justify it one way or another," John sighs.

"So I guess we don't have to move the chickens after all," Nick says, "So long as we establish a perimeter. Sound good, Carmina?"

Carmina must have slipped out at some point during the conversation because she's nowhere to be found in the kitchen. Nick glances over John's head and out the window, swearing loudly.

"What the hell is she doing out there?"

John gets to his feet as Nick and Kim take off. He watches them through the window as they chase after Carmina, who's stopped to look around partway towards the coop. Either she's dumber than she seems, or she's inherited both of her parents' reckless streaks. Either way, she's going to leave herself open the same way John had. She's too confident that nobody wants to hurt her. The only way John knows how to teach that lesson, though, is not one that Kim or Nick would approve of — and so he sidelines his worries in favor of sticking with whoever is more armed than he is.

By the time John comes outside, Kim is knee-deep in the middle of a heated lecture about safety and responsibility. Carmina scowls at her feet, her face turning red as she's scolded. John ignores them, passing them by in favor of catching up with Nick, who's come to a stop a few yards past the coop. He's staring out into the unoccupied land — land that used to be his property, once. Now Nick is as much a stranger here as John is.

"Check it out," Nick says, holding out a thin, white-barked piece of wood. John takes it and recognizes it immediately as part of the mask he'd broken in two. The hole for the eye is a roughly cut gouge in the soft wood, and the bark flakes as he wipes his thumb across it.

"I hadn't even considered a mask," John admits. "I thought it was a monster."

"You and me both," Nick replies. He heaves a sigh. "Still waiting for the mutants to crawl out of the sewers, I guess. But I think we can handle a couple of jackasses with arrows."

John squints across the clearing, as if maybe his assailant has hung around waiting for them to reappear. "Next time, it might be Joseph," he points out grimly. "That hunter recognized me immediately. They'll tell him I'm here, and he'll want to find me."

"Come on. Like Joseph's gonna risk crossing enemy territory on foot. I'd be more worried about those goddamn hunting parties you used to send out."

John unconsciously reaches up to rub his throat. "Yeah," he says. "You're right. One of them clearly wasn't enough, but if Joseph decides I'm worthwhile, they'll come as a pack. If he's still manufacturing Bliss somehow, it would be easy to subdue me. And then..."

He's surprised out of his would-be reverie as Nick slaps his shoulder with a heavy hand. "We're not gonna let that happen," he says. "As long as you put up the same fight you did today, Kim and I are gonna come running."

Despite the reality of hidden archers and surprise ambushes, John allows himself to be reassured by the sentiment. At the very least, he pretends for Nick's sake. "I suppose you two were quick to the rescue," he drawls. "But if they get me to the tree-line, I'd rather you just put me down before I get dragged all the way back to the compound."

Nick chuckles. "We'll try to avoid that for now."

Looking over his shoulder, John catches Kim crouched down in front of Carmina, hands on her shoulders. Whatever she's saying, it's too quiet for John to hear, but Carmina's sniffles are a loud precursor to a lot of tears.

"I guess she believed you when you said the Project wouldn't care about us," Nick sighs. "At this rate, we're gonna have to put a bell on her."

"I could tell her about the child soldiers from the summer camp, if that would prove the gravity of the situation."

Just the mention of it makes Nick look a little queasy, and John immediately regrets bringing it up. "I don't want to scare her that badly," Nick says. "She's a good kid, she means well. She just needs to stop going off half-cocked, is all." He rubs his hand across his forehead and complains, "I thought we taught her to be smarter than this."

"She's still your kid," John says. Nick gives him a sour look, but it's the truth no matter how bitter Nick might feel about it. "You can't expect her to be utterly obedient, given her genetics."

"I guess ." He sighs, shaking his head. "At any rate, it's time we stop sugar-coating the cult for her benefit. She's obviously not taking it seriously."

John looks again and sees Kim embracing Carmina tightly. He can't help but worry about what might happen if the hunters come back. When he'd been with the Project, he'd understood Joseph's motivations — at least superficially — but now he's completely in the dark. They used to fill their ranks with abducted children and their desperate parents. He has no idea if Joseph is in a position to expand his flock, but if he is... John does not doubt that they'll start with the young and impressionable. Carmina, being young but not as impressionable as they'd like, probably wouldn't make it back to the compound before she got herself killed. He can't imagine anyone having enough patience to break her.

"You... uh, think we should be worried?" Nick asks after a brief stretch of silence.

"Not yet," John replies grimly. After all, the Ryes have a bargaining chip like no other, in case their daughter is ever taken. John can see to it that she's left alone, but it will only work once — and after that, who knows which brother will be sending hunters after her.

"Good thing we got ourselves a couple of extra guns," Nick says. "You and her are gonna have to start carrying pretty much everywhere."

"I'm sure people will love that."

"Fuck people, man, did you see the size of that fucking guy?"

John can't help a wry smile. "They weren't so big. If I were a couple of years younger, I would have taken them."

"Yeah, sure. "

The lecture must be over with for now, as Carmina's attention has turned back to her chickens. Kim watches her from a distance; John can't read her expression from here, but her posture is tense and defensive. John can't blame her — he doesn't have a parental bone in his body, but the stress of raising a child in these conditions isn't lost on him. Trying to instill a sense of fear into somebody who lived their formative years without a threat in sight can't be easy. Doubly so, considering Carmina can no doubt outgun the rudimentary weaponry the Project is utilizing. Hell, maybe they really are only a threat to him. Maybe it doesn't matter if Carmina sneaks out of the house.

"She won't leave unnoticed again," John decides, because it's the only promise he can genuinely keep.

"Oh yeah? You're gonna eat those words when she's a teenager."

"I'd hope she would be smart enough to bring back up by then."

"Me too." Nick exhales loudly enough to get Kim's attention, stretching one arm over his chest, then the other. "Well, I guess we better get started if we want to have anything to show for it by nightfall."

Even so, it takes Nick another moment before he brings himself to move. John lingers behind, unable to help himself as he eyes the trees distrustfully. There's nothing saying that hunter isn't still out there, watching them from a safe distance. If Jacob had a hand in training them, it's unlikely that John will ever see them coming again. He's likely lost the one chance at a level playing field, and he hadn't even realized it was something he could lose.

Fuck it. It doesn't matter. John has adapted time and again to every disaster in his life, and there's something to be said for the person who he's become. If this is the next catastrophe that he'll have to weather, then so be it. If he isn't capable of dealing with Joseph by now, then it's likely he never will be — and if that turns out to be the case, he can only hope that Kim is as quick on the trigger as she seemed to be today.

#far cry new dawn #fcnd #john seed #nick rye #kim rye #carmina rye #far cry fanfic #my fic #ugh tagging sucks on this site #mercyverse

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linos-teeth · 5 years

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oKAY let’s do it like this i apologise to you and everyone else for the spam but!! yes i did sort everything out with the docs i’m all signed up for my classes and it’s a good schedule so i’ll be able to go home early for the weekend when i want to and go back on monday and that’s nice!! i’ll miss my fam so much afjskahskjasf

i can tell u a bit abt what i write!! i know it’s like.....alright enough to post but i’m so afraid ppl would hate it afjsfhakjfsas also a lot of it is unfinished and i don’t want that pressure of finishing you know? but yeah i can tell you but it’s like....yknow....shippy stuff and it’s valid if you don’t want to hear abt that!! no imagines in this house (also u can tell me abt those started projects too if you want!!) i feel you tho, i would NEVER write in german but literally everyone else’s english fic flows so wellllllllll even the non native speakers and i cry so much abt it fskjashfa then again.......i can’t even think of words in german so here we are!!

i’m sorry abt tumblr eating ur ask but like...i feel you how does one say everything in just ONE ASK tumblr needs to change that char limit asap pls :/// pls feel free to send multiple always i just hope this won’t happen again! (heads up if u use ... make sure there’s a space after or it WILL get eaten i don’t even know why tf that is a thing ask tumblr)

you’re right tho!! if smth brings you joy you probably shouldn’t be secretive abt it but.....i am.......queen of secrets sadly idk how to open up abt things fkjahkfjasfa ppl judging me scares me so much it’s rly stupid b u t let’s not dwell on that

that’s so??? dumb tho??? i’m kpop’s bitch but i listen to it like twice a week maybe usually when i work i got smth instrumental on usually classical music or game ost and i’m also lofi trash the more you know!!! but yeah wtf u can have varying interests ppl aNYWAY WTF what’s normal weird guy!!! nobody’s normal and i’d rather be weird than be a disrespectful asshole rly

but nothing is off topic and they’re the only ones being punched fksafjhaksjf NO PUNCHING FOR YOU OK!! YOU DID NOTHING WRONG TY

yeah i didn’t say that i meant that i’m not rly feeling the comeback so far sdjkshafkajsfa and i’m not ready bc i don’t want to like....not like it yknow? that and also the creating urge but yeah you’re right i shouldn’t worry....tHEORETICALLY except how do i do that??? i’m always like wow these ppl followed you so it’s only fair you give back right? but yeah i’m not sure this feels even more aggressive and i’m not demanding anything but i miss the calm times!! i’ll just have to rely on day6 for that i guess i will absolutely die with that album i know that much sjkshfkjas and oneus just came back and mx will and ace that’s pretty much all the groups i’m gonna die from content overdose i cry but y e a h ask me once i’ve listened to double knot from start to finish maybe i will have changed my mind!!

speaking of which i’ll be out when it drops i’m abt to leave SO RIP NO GIFS FROM ME ANYWAY

hope u enjoy and have a good day today generally ♥♥♥

also i want to reply!!! ur asks make me so happy so dw u definitely accomplished that mission!! i just want you to know i’m not ignoring them you know?

#ask #💕 anon #so sorryyyyy long post and like #so many asks sfjhafksjfhasf #but ty for those!!! and np ofc i listen to ur rants u listen to mine too

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garyfuckingking · 6 years

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My 10 pages long essay and Powerpoint on The World’s End and Gary King

(aka why The World’s End and Gary King are two of the most precious things that exist, aka why I love The World’s End and Gary King)

(Based on my own original idea and written after I read this post - @ineverhadadoubt thanks again for sending it to me-

Also please check out this amazing post about the pubs in the movie.)

(I thought I’d tag some people that seemed to agree with my original post and might be interested in reading this. It’s fine if you don’t btw: @smashing-anarchist-poet @jessefandomunited @shakespeareanmemes @jesusinanalcove @aknownlegend @snovyda @smuggsy @immortal-gamora @doodlerdoodle @zane-garrett @lady-dragonfruit @nogoatshere @hum4n3rror @theforceawakcns @duskteeth - wasn’t gonna tag everyone, some I couldn’t even tag so that’ll do-)

Before I begin, I’d like for you to be aware of a few things.

First off, this is gonna be a very very veeeeeery long post so bare with me if you can. I’m probably gonna keep apologizing for the lenght of it in between two things I’m talking about but I’m passionate, sorry.

It’s also a very big post because there’s pictures and a lot of gifs tbh.

Like... i think like, don’t even try to read this on your phone? Idk what it will do to it. tumblr mobile ain’t that strong i think

There’s so much to be said about this movie.

TW: There’s going to be mentions of suicide, depression, addiction, ...

Also, I’m probably going to forget a lot of the points I’d like to illustrate and talk about, that’s one of the downsides of running on a three hours of sleep schedule.

You can check the tags for some trivia on this whole post.

So if anyone wants to add something, feel free. I’d love for people to give me their opinion on the movie, etc.

I’m also probably not gonna mention the direction of the movie too much. I love Edgar Wright with all my stone-cold heart but if I have to talk about how much of a fucking genius he is when it comes to comedy and his movies, we’re literally gonna be there all week, plus I’m not actually planning on writing a 10 pages long essay -or am I?-.

If you haven’t seen the movie, SPOILER ALERT. Seriously though. There’s some stuff in the movie you probably don’t want to know by reading this if you’re planning on watching it and I’m going to talk about everything so.

Finally, I’m going to talk about why I think the movie is not as popular as Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz, and the rest will mostly be about Gary King and why he’s a great character but also why he’s an important one.

Well. Let’s go. This is gonna be a wild ride.

In this essay, I will...

Ok, in all seriousness.

So I guess there’s supposed to be an introduction here. This is very unprofessionnal, and I’ve learned how to write essays so shame on me. Oh, well. We’re here to talk about Gary Fucking King. It’s ok if it’s a mess, the guy’s a living mess on his own. So, when Simon Pegg comes to mind, the Cornetto Trilogy usually does as well. At least, the first movie that you probably think of is Shaun of the Dead. And often, Hot Fuzz is mentionned as well. But I never ever hear anything about the World’s End. God, even Stephen Colbert got the name wrong while talking to Simon, calling it “The End of the World”. Granted the movie wasn’t the subject, but... Why did it happen? Why is The World’s End seen as “the weakest one”, as “not as good as the first two”, is the one people don’t remember, and is assimilited to other weird claims of the sort?

I personally feel like it’s because it’s more layered than the other two movies, actually, it’s a bit more complicated. I’m not saying here “if you didn’t get it you’re dumb” or “only smart people will get the message”. Not at all. I had to watch it a couple of times before I started to get a lot of things about Gary and the movie in general, and even today, when I watch it, I notice new things and tiny details that I never realized were there before. That happens with the whole trilogy because the three movies are amazingly well done, but I feel like it’s harder to grasp with The World’s End. But why?

I think it’s because we directly know what Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz are about. The three movies are about more than an apocalyptic scenario or living surrounded by a cult made of murderers. There’s always a message behind the main themes.

With Shaun of the Dead, it’s kind of a given, really. The little introduction of the environment shows you that it looks like the town is filled with z****es before they even actually arrive and just with that, the scene is set, we know what -behind the parody and other elements of the film- Simon and Edgar decided to criticize about society (it becomes deeper with Shaun’s character but I’ll get to that later, same with Angel).

In Hot Fuzz, the critic of society is a bit more subtle, but still there for people to see. That’s the point right? Send a message without making you feel like you’re “being thaught a lesson”, or something like that, and these movies do it brilliantly. Because that’s the thing. People watching the Cornetto Trilogy sit down in front of their screen to have a good time, have a laugh and go one with their day. But The World’s End is different. It’s still extremely funny, but it doesn’t give off the same vibe as SotD and HF. You feel like there’s something more, you feel that it’s actually a tragic movie.

Yes, it still has the same kind of message, here with how much of a fuck up a human being can be, how humans are stubborn even if they make mistakes, but that it’s part of life and a word with “perfect beings” wouldn’t necessarily be better. It’s about growing up and accepting that you have to leave your childhood or teenage years at some point, and all that stuff surrounding these themes. You think it was the better part of your life, but often... it isn’t (again, I’ll come back to this later). It’s just harder to grasp because of the tone and maybe because people don’t like to hear this kind of things.

So the problem is, people often miss (or dismiss) the point.

I don’t think you know about this but there’s this French website called Betaseries.

On it, you can have an account and have a list with the tv shows you’re currently watching or the films you’ve watched or want to watch.

You can download subtitles for the new episodes you wanna watch if you need them, you can rate movies, comment to give your opinion, you can tick which episodes you’ve seen so that you can keep track of what you’re watching and not forget where you’re at, etc. Pretty useful website, I’m always on it.

So, I obviously went to see what people thought of The World’s End. It’s got a good enough rating, really, 3.62 out of 5 stars. It’s not a four or a five but only because of two users who didn’t like it all that much. So I read their reviews. One was a 2/5 and one was a 3/5:

“To summarize the movie: the world is invaded by a pacifist extra-terrestrial entity that kills human to exchange them with clones but that accept to leave the planet if you ask (with insults, please!) ???

To use one of the movie’s favorite expression: WTF?????!!!!!

I liked the story of “Shaun of the Dead” better ^^”

“Having liked "Shaun of the Dead” and “Hot Fuzz”, I was impatient to see Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg’s new movie, unfortunately, it isn’t as “good” as the last two. Technically perfect, the story drags on and the mid-life crisis Simon Pegg’s character goes through becomes tedious after some time… but not everything’s good for the trash! The English humor is really present, the play-on-words, the references… you don’t mind watching it. I feel like you need to watch it a second time to appreciate its real worth.

Naturally, watching it in VO is absolutely necessary.”

The other people that commented had all 4 or 5 stars and were only saying that the movie was very funny, therefore enjoyable and good.

I think that’s the thing. When you think “Cornetto Trilogy”, you think “having a good time”. You watch it, you can see that there’s a message behind it, but you don’t spend your time focusing on it or looking for it, because it’s usually pretty simple to get. You pay more attention to the comedy, the references, etc.

And that is where The World’s End becomes different. It’s not focused on the comedy or the references (well, yes it is and it’s still incredibly funny, it was meant to be), but you have to focus on what is actually going on with Gary King to get it all. That’s why the big meanie leaves “just because they asked”. Remember what it says before leaving (and destroying the world btw)?

That’s something that’s been said to Gary a few times throughout the movie, but here, it’s clearly aimed at the three of them, hence at the humans, because they’re speaking for their entire race. That’s why it leaves. Because the message is “it’s pointless arguing with humans, they’re going to do whatever they want anyway, you can’t change their mind, etc., they have to learn thanks to their own mistakes so you have to let them make them, not force them to be perfect.” This kind of things.

But when you read the reviews above... These are the only two reviews where you can see that they really tried to get what was going on, but maybe missed it, and because of that, they didn’t like the movie all that much and rated it badly. Gary King isn’t just going through “a mid-life crisis”. He really isn’t. There is so much more to him that it drives me actually crazy that this movie isn’t as praised as the rest of the trilogy. Literally nuts.

With that being said, I think it’s time to really get into who Gary King is, why he is such an amazing character and why there’s more to him than a “mid-life crisis”. So I’m going to talk about him (obviously), about his effect on others, about his relationship with his friends, his addiction, etc., and why it just makes the plot so much better. I hope you’re still with me. And that it’s been understandable up to this point because I really can’t express my ideas the way I want to easily, sorry about that.

The Cornetto trilogy doesn’t just have these hidden messages, morals, … A common thing between these movies is that the characters played by Simon Pegg are all flawed. They’re just flawed human beings. And these characters have to work on themselves to become better. The plot is usually what makes them realize things and help them grow to become their best self.

In Shaun of the Dead, Shaun is going nowhere with his life, he’s stuck in a routine with a dead-end job and a relationship he’s screwing up because Liz is the only one working on it. It’s not that he hates his life, but he doesn’t do anything to make it better either, he doesn’t really see the point. . He’s just there so he does what he’s got to do, but he doesn’t get out of his way to do more. And like Pete says, Shaun needs to sort his life out and do something. Here, killing z****e is apparently the way to a healthy and more positive life. (and no, I will not say the z-word and you shouldn’t either)

In Hot Fuzz, Nicholas Angel puts his work before anything else. That’s why his very serious relationship ended, it even caused him to be disliked by his colleagues and superiors. Like Janine says, he won’t ever be able to turn off if he doesn’t find someone he cares about more than his job. And throughout the movie, you see how Nicholas becomes, but also how other characters become thanks to him. I could talk about this masterpiece, about the foreshadowing in it and especially about Danny Butterman for hours on end but I’m not here for that today.

Also, Shaun had Pete to tell him what was wrong with him. Nicholas had Janine to tell him what was wrong with him. Who does that for Gary King? Because again, Gary is a very flawed character who needs to change as well. But first, we have to ask ourselves one question:

Who is Gary King?

Let’s get some answers.

Well, I’d give you a lot of answers if I had them but… we don’t really know much about Gary King, do we? Well, what we know about his past is what he told the people in the rehabilitation session. That he was The King. But it’s only later on in the movie that we’re able to get new details about him that help us get a clearer idea of who he is.

The King, the leader of their little group, the popular kid, is also selfish and self-centered. He’s injured his friends with his reckless behavior, he injured himself, he was already a heavy drinker and was using drugs. We don’t know much about his real past, about his family, or else. We know he hasn’t spoken to his mother in eight months when the movie takes place. He arrived in a psychiatric hospital after a suicide attempt but hasn’t told anyone, clearly. His mother doesn’t even know. He doesn’t like the way the hospital was “helping” him and after a quick decision, he got out of it to regroup his old friends and make an attempt at the Golden Mile again.

We know he isn’t happy. He’s bitter and sad, clinging onto a past he thinks better than anything else he could ever have. Addicted for most of his life and depressed to the point where he tried to kill himself. In the movie, he clearly just tries to reassure himself about his life, always lying to himself and to others.

Whenever reality catches up to him, he shies away from it, he’s not even able to look at Andy anymore. And the problem is, his friends are the reality and he’s the lie. He’s convinced himself of things so much that he believes in them and he can’t hear another version of the events that have happened, he needs to keep his embellished memories intact because he’d rather believe in a lie than in what he is.

He desperately needs the attention, because he’s so alone. He needs to live in his lie, to relive that great night, that moment when he could seduce Oliver’s sister, when his friends would have followed him to the end of the world, to finally prove himself right. And like Andy says, he’s never wrong, is he? He’d rather lie about his mother dying than face rejection and where he’s at. He’d rather have people stay with him because they pity him than because they want to be with him.

He lies about it as a last attempt to convince Andy to come along to Newton Haven, after also giving him money he had been owning him. (I’ll talk about the rest of this scene later on, it’s a very important thing to mention.)

And then, when reality is thrown at his face by Andy again, he miserably tries to get his sympathy once more, despite Andy not having it:

Just after that scene and right before they find out the truth about his mother, Peter says “I can’t help but feel sorry for him”, what Gary intended to do. He manipulates and is upset that things don’t go his way, no matter for what reason he is actually manipulating them. He wouldn’t admit it’s because he’s lonely and unhappy and that because he needs them to feel better, he’s fine with hurting their feelings again.

When he leaves the table to go to the restroom, he looks at himself and finally lets some real emotion out, only to realize what he’s doing.

He’s not proud of it. His friends have changed, yes, but he hasn’t. He’s still the same impulsive and selfish young man he used to be, but now he realizes that’s not how life works. Life doesn’t just go his way like it used to, or like he thought it used to. Life happens to you, you're not in control, and he probably realized that months ago, as he tried to end it.

Still, when the teenager arrives in the restroom, he puts his walls back up again directly, tries to show off and to befriend the young man by impressing him. He sees himself in him, a young and free man who just enjoys his time with his friends.

That’s why he was looking at them this way earlier in the pub:

Or when both groups crossed path outside in the afternoon. Yet, when the boy doesn’t respond and ignores him, he gets upset again and is ready to provoke a teenage boy for not paying attention to a drunk guy inviting him to drink with him and his friends.

Yes, the alcohol and the built-up frustration of the evening made him provoke that boy, but it doesn’t mean he’s not aware of the gravity of his actions every time he does something. He’s clearly aware that he manipulates his friends, that he only thinks about himself. It’s always in very short moments that you see him look away or having a hard time processing everything, because he knows the way he acts and as much as he hates himself for it, he can’t help it. To the point where he uses the terrible situation of Newton Haven, no matter if they might die, to finish the pub crawl. Why? He doesn’t care if he dies. At all. It’d probably be easier for him.

He can’t stand himself, but he can’t be someone else. He got upset at the boy’s silence, taking it as an insult, a way of being disrespectful towards him and in his head, no one should disrespect Gary King. There was a time when he loved being himself but like Sam rightfully says:

So with that in mind, what is Gary King?

That, I believe, is one of the most exciting part of the character. He’s as much the villain as he is the hero of the movie.

He’s a villain in his behavior, always has been. He liked being a “bad boy”, but he really did hurt his own friends and has been selfish for a long time. A lot of things that he did and still does make him a villain in this story. Yet, he doesn’t flinch in front of danger, he throws himself in battles the way he used to when Peter would get bullied. He fights for his life and stands his ground in front of the “big boss”, speaking on behalf of the entire human race so that the enemy would leave them be. He’s obnoxious, but he’s also very lovable. Again, like Sam said:

He wouldn’t be able to make someone else happy, or maybe for a while, but he probably wouldn’t be able to resist getting back to his old antics. He’s not meant to live a quiet life with a family, he needs his freedom, as he calls it, but deep down, he’s never actually been a Bad Person™ . He does care about his friends, in his own fucked up way, but he’s too damaged to do any good around him, it doesn’t matter if he’d like to or not.

That’s why he leaves again in the end. He can’t stay there and face everything that has happened. He saw his chance to start all over again and let his remaining friends be happy together, without getting in the way. He did the right thing by getting sober, but he regained his freedom, is still a rebel by staying with a bunch of blanks and not humans, and he’s with the version of his friends he’s always wanted to be with again. Maybe it’s a bit unhealthy for him to stay with these specific blanks, but it’s a better coping mechanism than alcohol and drugs. He’s his true self, but he’s sober and definitely feels better, like he belongs there.

Now, the time has come. Let’s really introduce his friends, talk about his relationship with them before talking about how he takes responsibility for his actions and how he deals with change. (yes I’m sorry this is endless)

All his friends have little stories to tell about his behavior during the movie. He injured all of them as well as he injured himself, and even if Oliver is the only one who didn’t receive a scar, he got his own birthmark removed because of the nickname they would always use. Gary was the only one using it still during the movie, despite being told off.

I’ll introduce them using Gary’s words in the beginning of the movie. It allows us to see the way he perceives them. Keep in mind that it’s the only way he could ever see them at that point, as he doesn’t know what they became and who they really are at that point in their lives. What we, as viewers, know, is that they seem to have all become pretty successful when it comes to their careers, and they just seem to have a good life in general, compared to Gary who is in that hospital and dealing with his addictions.

So, we’ve got Oliver Chamberlain. Gary introduces him by saying: “Ollie was funny, he fancied himself as a bit of a player, but really, he was all mouth. We called him O-man because he had a birthmark on his forehead that looked like a six. He loved it.”

He certainly did not love it. Like I said, he got the birthmark removed because it annoyed him so much to be called O-man. We don’t know much about Oliver, really. He manages a boutique estate agency in North London, he’s doing good, he’s always working. His sister is Sam Chamberlain, Steve has had a crush on her since high school and Gary had sex with her in the disabled. He’s in a sort of competition with Steve to win her over. We know Oliver was already acting like a business man in school. During their first attempt at the Golden Mile, he was out of commission after the 6th pub.

He’s also often mentioning Gary’s drug abuse throughout the movie.

He was clearly uninterested in going back to Newton Haven, he was very reluctant at the idea, but Gary succeeded in tricking him to go back. During the movie, Gary says a couple of times that Oliver is doing really good, as he didn’t go that far in the crawl the first time. He obviously doesn’t know he has been replaced by a blank in the middle of the crawl but he does say that he likes the new Oliver, the one that seems to be fine with following him around, who is able to go on with the crawl and encourages the others to join the party.

Now, Peter Page. Gary says: “Pete was the baby of the group. He wasn’t the kind of kid we’d usually hang out with, but he was good for a laugh. And he was absolutely minted.”

The cool guy hanging out with the most bullied kid in school? He indicates there that his wealth was one of the reasons he was friend with Peter, despite saying that “he was good for a laugh.” You can see that they get along pretty well during the movie, once Peter is relaxed with the alcohol. They joke around and laugh together quite easily. During the first attempt at the Golden Mile, after smoking marijuana in The Smokehouse, he was left on a park bench while Gary, Steve and Andy kept on going. He still works with his father and became his business partner. He’s the one who sold The Beast to Gary back in the day.

The scar Gary gave him was when Peter let him drive his 50cc Suzuki. Gary rolled over his leg.

He clearly was looking up to Gary at the time, probably because he was defending him whenever he’d get bullied.

There are a few moments where you can also see how submissive Peter still is, traumatized by the extreme bullying he went through in high school. He hates confrontation. He hides behind his newspaper when his kids are “fighting” at the table. It’s impossible for him to say anything when he meets his bully in one of the pubs and whenever a fight explodes, he’s the first one to try and hide, not fight.

He was killed and replaced after finally standing up against the blank that replaced his bully.

Steven Prince. Gary doesn’t have much to say about him: “Steve was a pretty cool guy. We jammed together, chased the girls. I think he saw us as rivals. Sweet, really.”

Like Oliver, we don’t have many information about his life. He had his own construction company, and he was bought out in ’05. At the beginning of the movie, he’s going out with a 26-year-old fitness instructor but the person he truly loves is Oliver’s sister, Sam. Gary and Steve got along just fine, but with what Gary says, you can see he thought he was better than Steve in different ways (shocking, I know). Gary and he used to play music together but stopped when Gary sold Steve’s bass to buy drugs.

In 1987, so when they were around fourteen, while they were playing cricket, Gary accidentally pushed Steven onto a broken bottle and Steve was left with a scar… well, on his ass. Now, we don’t know the origin of the bottle, but you certainly don’t need it to play cricket, from what I know? We also don’t know what they were drinking, so maybe I’m reaching by saying it could have already been Gary’s if he was already drinking alcohol, but we wouldn’t know so again, I might just be reaching! not confirming anything. Still, Gary injured him as well.

He wasn’t really happy when he saw Gary again for the first time, but still ends up going back. During the first Golden Mile, Steve was still there at the end. Even if they didn’t finish it, he was with Andy and Gary on the hills at sunset.

Now, Andy is the most important one, obviously. It wasn’t a surprise. Simon and Nick always play the two main characters and they always have a very strong bond. And Gary’s relationship with Andy is quite fascinating to say the least. For someone with as much pride as Gary King, talking about the way he feels is not all that easy. At least not without disguising it a little. Before we get into that part, here’s Andy’s introduction. This time, I’ll just explain who he is, and then show Gary’s words because I’ll talk about them more.

So, from what we know, Andy used to play rugby when he was younger. When the film takes place, he’s a corporate lawyer, he’s married and has kids. He seems to be doing quite well, even though we learn he and his wife are separated at the moment and that he's trying to get her back.

During the first pub crawl, he made it to the end of the night with Gary and Steve, ending up on the hills at sunset and failing the Golden Mile. Back in ’86, Gary injured him as well when they reenacted the knife game from Alien. Gary accidentally stabbed him in the middle finger.

We know that he remained friends with Gary until December 1997. Gary overdosed and Andy, while being extremely drunk, attempted to drive him to the hospital. He crashed his car and he had to go through a life-saving surgery that lasted for 12 hours before getting arrested. At that point, Gary who had made a “miraculous fucking recovery”, as Andy puts it, had abandoned him on the scene of the crash. After these events, Andy stopped talking to Gary and also stopped drinking.

It seems that “the accident”, as it’s referred as in the movie, drove them amm apart. We at least know they were still talking to each other in ’92, two years after they left school, because that’s when they decided to stop calling him “Fearless Leader”.

So they probably kept hanging out until the accident. Gary was certainly the glue sticking the group together but finally took it too far.

Now, when talking about Andy, Gary says this:

“And Andy. Andy was my wingman. The one guy I could rely on to back me up. He loved me, and I’m not being funny, but I loved him.”

Why would he be funny by saying that? Because admitting he loves his friend makes him less of a badass? No, he really liked his friends. But he loved Andy so much.

And I’m not talking as a shipper or anything. I’m really not. Actually, I’ve never shipped Gary with anyone if I have to be honest. Like Sam says, he’s not boyfriend material. I’m talking about platonic friendship. A very strong friendship that still existed despite “the accident”. That’s why Andrew keeps following Gary until they arrived at The World’s End, because he still cares, and he can’t watch him destroying himself like that. That’s why they all went back. Because in a way, they cared. They kept complaining but seeing everyone wasn’t that bad. They did laugh together, even with Gary, despite being pissed at him. They also weren’t expecting much of him, they know him:

But Gary’s relationship with Andy is special.

Andy is kind of the one who made everyone come back. They clearly didn’t go back for Gary. They went because of Gary, but each of them has asked if Andy would be there first. Probably because Andy’s presence would mean that if he could get past Gary’s mistakes, then maybe they could and should give it a try. And Andy went back with the hope that maybe Gary has changed, even just a little bit. When they are sitting outside while Gary’s playing Need for Speed (for someone who hasn’t seen it, this might sound like a weird as fuck movie), he says this:

Well, of course, he then learned he got money from the other three and gets mad, but you know. He did hope for a split second that he wasn’t exactly the same and that maybe, it was really because of what he told him in his office that Gary wanted to do that again. That’s also why he cuts him some slack at the beginning)

Speaking of the dialogue in his office! Remember I said I would come back to that scene at some point? Well, here we are. Yes, you might have forgotten because this post is very long and I ramble but if you’re still with me, well… it’s not almost the end but we’re getting there. Anyway! So, Gary lies about his mom dying and that’s the following conversation:

Again, maybe I’m reaching, but he seems so honest that I wouldn’t be surprised if he was actually using his mom’s death as a metaphor for his own suicide attempt. It got him thinking about the old days. He never really stopped thinking about them. He still has The Beast, he still has the tape Steve made him and that he was still always listening to, but these last months were probably extremely rough for him and got him really thinking about all of this in a more depressing way than he ever did. His life had been going downhill since he got out of school, but he finally hit rock bottom really hard.

He says his mother has always really liked Andy, but he might as well be speaking about his own feelings. He even says that he likes the guys, but that Andy was the best friend he’s ever had (and probably the only one he ever felt this way for.)

He has a weird behavior around Andy. He’s always acting so confident, but throughout the movie, he keeps seeking some kind of reassurance from Andy. Either because he wants his approval but also because he wants to prove himself right, or because he wants to believe everything is fine between them.

He has a really hard time expressing his true feelings, probably because he’s used to hiding them all the time. Every time he does express them, we can see how miserable he is and why Simon calls him “a walking tragedy”.

This leads me to the three most powerful dialogues in this movie, I think. I mean, in my opinion, they are the most telling about Gary’s truth, even though the movie is sprinkled with hints on what’s going on, like with this very obvious line:

We clearly know that it was something that was told directly to him, we know where, despite him acting like it’s just some trivia.

So the first dialogue I have in mind is the one with Sam. Sorry, loads of gifs are coming your way:

I feel like for the first time in the movie, he’s kinf of done with his own behavior and he’s ready to have a serious talk and admit some important things. Like when he says Steve is better than him, because he knows he’s a fuck up but now he’s ready to admit it. And in a few lines, you see something else. No, it’s not all about that night, it never was. Life doesn’t have purpose for only one night in your life. Yes, maybe it was the happiest night that there ever was, if it even was, but it doesn’t mean shit, really. But Gary holds on to it like his life was depending on it. Well, in this scenario, it kind of is. Sam tells him that it doesn’t have to be all about that night, kind of letting him know he has the choice to leave it behind and finally move on. And she can see that he gets it. But then, if Gary can’t hold onto that night, he at least wants to keep some things from it, hence his questions about the disableds. Sam agrees, giving him at least that because either way, he’s losing against his own life. If at least he’s trying, she can let him hold onto that memory.

It makes me think of the moment Gary tells Andy that the Golden Mile is all he’s got. There could be so much more, but Gary feels like he’s got nothing else, unlike his friends who have “everything”, like he says. That’s wy he fights for it, because it’s what’s important to him, like Andy is fighting for his marriage.

The second dialogue would be this one:

No, it wasn’t his fault that Andy crashed the car. He didn’t overdose on purpose, and Andy chose to drive him to the hospital while drunk and driving four times over the limit. But he did choose to flee the scene and leave Andy to die. And Andy wouldn’t be so angry and resentful if it hadn’t hurt him so much. It hurt him because he loved Gary.

Remember, when introducing Andy, Gary himself says that Andy was the one guy he could rely on. You’d think it would be the same for Andy, but Gary betrayed him.

Before the third dialogue, I want to elaborate on this, on Gary taking responsibility, kind of? He doesn’t talk about his mistakes.

Every time someone points out one of his past mistake or how his behavior is inappropriate, he changes the subject or tries to get his way.

He doesn’t want to face the things he’s done because he knows he can only blame himself for these situations and he already hates himself enough, he doesn’t need to be reminded of these things again and again.

And it’s also because he wouldn’t like to see his friends discover the way he really feels. Whenever his suicide attempt could get discovered or whenever he thinks about it, he quickly tries to hide the truth.

At first, I’m pretty sure he thought that Andy knew about his attempt, because he’s so surprised when he asks to see his arm. Then, when Andy tells him what injury he wants to see, he’s in full defensive mode and changes the subject again, trying to prove he’s him thanks to his memory, and not a scar.

Andy was ready to bash his head right in if for one second he believed he was a blank, but even then, Gary won’t show his arm, because he can’t let them know he hit rock bottom.

It’s the same with Sam:

The same old gary. Gary doesn’t like change. He hates it. He hates to see that his friends have changed and he knows that in a way, he changed as well, no matter how hard he tries to remain the same old Gary, the one that was happy.

When he learns that there are robots and that it’s not them that have changed but the town, he’s ecstatic.

And finally, the third dialogue I was talking about:

Getting help put Gary in emotional pain, even worse than what he already had before, because of the way he was treated. He hated it, he felt so miserable. Feeling like he’s living a lie, like nothing is what it’s supposed to be, feeling like he has absolutely no control. He doesn’t, not on life, but he could decide to do better. He just doesn’t have the courage.

Andy was already caring, way before that. And he’s always known Gary needed help. At that moment:

Andy wants to finally put the limit. It’s true, it’s the last one. Then, Gary will have completed the Golden Mile. Then, what? That’s not the point but what would Gary have done after that? He would have no purpose and like he says, the Golden Mile is all he’s got. Still, Andy doesn’t let him have one more drink.

Back in the tenth pub, he seemed to happy that Gary was accepting to let it go, to have one last drink and put an end to the crawl. He was still hoping for change.

I feel like this scene just shows how hard it is to overcome addictions just by yourself. He tried, when he got in the hospital, and he ended up leaving. He was really drinking his last beer, at that moment, but he couldn’t resist, once again, and had to have the other two. He really wanted to try, but the temptation was so strong.

Andy follows him because like his marriage, Gary is important, and he fights for what’s important to him.

Maybe Andy was able to make it on his own after the accident, but Gary isn’t Andy. He knows that Gary can’t make it on his own. He was never able to. It doesn’t mean he isn’t strong. Andy knows how strong Gary is, living through his addictions for so long, seeing that he tried to kill himself. He knows he’s strong, but it doesn’t mean he can’t have some help from people who really care about him. Now, he knows that can’t happen unless you force him to. So if he has to actually physically fight Gary to stop him, he will, because he knows his friend wouldn’t be able to stop unless being actually knocked the fuck out. He could let him have the last pint of the Golden Mile, but it would mean he allows him to do what he wants one more time. He puts a stop to it because the Golden Mile doesn’t matter, Gary matters. If he has to shatter his last chance of completing the crawl, even if he’s so close he can almost feel the beer on his tongue, he will if that’s what it takes to make him come to his senses.

Besides, he knows that Gary regrets what he’s done, both in the past and that day. He doesn’t constantly mean to hurt his friends. He does it because he can’t help it, but like Sam says, he’s not a bad person.

By the way, I often wonder what would have happened if they had forced him to show his arm when checking everyone’s scars. If Andy, Peter and Steve had discovered about his suicide attempt at that point.

Would they have understood that Gary was on a suicide mission, at that moment?

And that it was only making it all the more exciting for him?

This is Gary King, everyone.

Also, funnily and terribly enough, he relieved the night the same way he first lived it back in 1990. Some gifs and images as evidence:

Which begs the question; was the first night even that great to begin with?

I think I covered everything I had in mind (not bloody quite but well). I don’t even know. It wasn’t supposed to turn out like this but I’m glad it did, I got to ramble about my favorite trilogy for hours on end so. And also... I’m pretty sure I was trying to prove something with all this but my point is: I’m in love with Simon Pegg.

No, ok. Again. Seriously.

The World’s End is such an underrated movie. And Gary King is such an important character. The movie depicts human nature in the realest way, with all its flaws. And Gary King is depicting mental illness, was written by someone who went through this kind of things. The movie is very personal for both Simon and Edgar, actually. I don’t know much about Edgar, to be perfectly honest. I love his movies, he’s an genius, but I don’t know much about his personal life. I just do know this movie is important for him too. I do know that Simon has dealt with alcoholism, if I’m not mistaken he’s been sober since 2010, he knows what it’s like to battle addiction and depression.

The movie doesn’t romanticize these problems one bit. It shows how bad it can be, and how it can be perceived as by people not knowing much about these things. Remember that comment talking about the fact that the “mid-life crisis” Gary’s going through gets annoying after a while? Welp.

Could you imagine actually living in Gary King’s head for more than an hour. Unbearable. Especially since he’s aware of some of the fucked up things he’s doing and must hate himself for it.

Yes, there’s the humor and the crazy robot stuff going on on the side, but that was my point at the beginning. That’s why the big weird entity that invaded earth isn’t the big villain of the movie.

I always say the same thing about villains. Take Thanos in the MCU for example. He’s the fucking worst and yet, his actions are justified. Careful. Not excusable, justifiable. You understand that there’s a point for him, that he firmly believes in what he’s doing, that he’s sure his actions are what’s supposed to be done to make Earth a better world, that what he does is right. Yet, because we’re rational and fucking decent, we know that’s not the way you solve problems. Here, the enemy believes it needs to replace humanity with perfect beings, to… make Earth perfect, or something. You know that it’s pointless, because like they show, only three humans in Newton Haven were spared. Earth is filled with flawed humans, you’d have to replace everyone to make it better. And yet, these actions are “justified” by a thought process. Doesn’t mean turning humans into compost is excusable. That creature’s definitely a villain, but not the main one in the movie.

The end of the world ain’t even a bad thing in the movie. On the contrary. A lot of people survived and Andy himself says things are simpler. They’re kind of back to the Dark Age and they realized that all their problems seemed very small in comparison to such events, and they’re happier.

Here, Gary is his friends’ enemy, he’s the blank leader’s enemy, and he is his own worst enemy. He hurts absolutely everyone, himself included. Because of his own addictions and depression. That’s what can really happen in real life and that’s something I really like about the movie.

And he ends up alone. He took the decision to leave but you don’t have a dumb female love interest that falls for the bad boy and make the worst decision she could by getting with him at the end so that we’d have a happy end and so would Gary. Sam’s very honest with him, she tells him how things are until he finally understands and agrees with her. He makes the right choice (“for once,” like he says) and makes her save herself and is fine with her ending up with Steve.

He’s always known the truth, but he had to accept it and he does. It’s difficult, but he does.

I don’t think Gary’s end’s a happy one. I have mixed feelings about Gary’s end because I don’t think he’s going to be satisfied on the long term and he does deserve some happiness at that point in his life. He excluded himself from everyone and is still stuck in that circle of not growing up. He’s definitely happier and he’s sober. But what is going to happen? He’s going to grow old and the blanks won’t change and then what? How is he going to feel about that?

It’s a real ending, not a cheesy one. But at least he always has that option of coming back at some point. He did once. And he would be more welcomed, and he’d act the right way.

Like he told his teacher back in high school, all he ever wanted was to have a good time. With the four blanks, he’s traveling and having his own fun, he does what he wants, he has the freedom he always wanted to have, he kind of found his path. That’s all he ever wanted, he just found a new way to do so. At least, he’s got that, and he knows his friends have what they want as well. Earth is destroyed but Steven is with the love of his life, and Andy got back together with his wife and lives happily.

Well. I think that’s about all I wanted to say. I hope. That was long enough. I just hope you guys are still reading, and that you “enjoyed” this thing that took me forever to write. I’d love your opinion. I’d love it if it made other people watch the movie or enjoy it more than they did at first. I just love this movie so much. And I just love Gary King so much.

I rest my case. Lets’ Boo-Boo.

#i started writing this on wednesday but i had so much to do... well ok one activity was rewatching Spaced all over again but still #the world's end #gary king #simon pegg #edgar wright #the cornetto trilogy #shaun of the dead #long post #hot fuzz #nick frost #it's sometimes really hard to explain some stuff when it's not in your first language but i think i did ok #i've been procrasting a lot with this yes i wanted to post it ages ago but at least it's done #i can't even tell you how many times i've watched the movie to do this #actually i could i've been keeping counts of the number of times i've seen the three movies but anyway #when i thought i was done i watched the movie once again and noted everything that came to my mind while watching it #then i checked what i had already talked about and found myself adding a lot of stuff #this was a cool thing to do #i might do more but i'm not sure #i thought i'd actually do a post with the foreshadowing in hot fuzz #like showing what scene or line foreshadow what scene or line or whatever #or all the spaced references in shaun of the dead #stuff like that #so i'm tagging this post as 'my take on' so that if i do more stuff like that i have a tag for it #my take on #also um i love gary king #and this movie #that's about it #i think #oh yeah and making these gifs took me so fucking long i sure as fuck hope you can read them #and i've eaten i don't know how many cornettos while doing this but WHATEVER AM I RIGHT

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urburn · 5 years

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dear...

i know you’re sleeping or probably working knowing your schedule but I’ve worked out tonight that my circle of people i talk to about my depression is very very very small. to be exact only 2 people know of my crumbling mental state and im only comfortable enough with 1 to open up about it all without hiding it like i do when you all see me. i think a lot of them know that i get depressed at times but i don’t like talking about it or showing it to anyone especially you guys so yeah I worked out tonight that even tho you guys know a bit about it, I’m not comfortable talking to you about it. and i don’t think that’s healthy but i don’t know what to do.

i tried talking to EC but it just doesn’t feel right. i tried dethan and he somehow made it about himself. it’s probably my fault because i don’t act like it so it doesn’t seem like im asking for help but mate, i don’t really know what to do. i want to be able to talk to you guys about it all but i don’t know how to or even if i want to. i know you’ll all be there for me but it just all feels fake, like they’re just going though the motions of what they’re meant to say when someone seems down.

i guess im telling you this because it seems like you’re similar to me, i think idk. now i think about it maybe im wrong. idk you’re one of my oldest friends but we never see eachother anymore so idk.

look basically tonight was fucking funny, i would have roasted anyone in my position and i am having a laugh. but it’s just happened to come around when im in a low period which has been going on for like 2 weeks now and like even tho i know my mates are joking, i keep telling myself that it’s all true and it’s basically reinforcing and validating the negative talk i keep telling myself.

i think the most cursed thing is the fact that the night was when i decided fuck it let’s just get back into getting with people after jess. like i did bits here and there and had a few things but like that was the first time i think i deserved it like i felt good about myself. it felt like i was finally starting to stop blaming and torturing myself over jess but it feels like the universe is like fucking sike.

idk what im doing hey, the person i normally talk to went to bed so I’m just kinda lost with what to do and who to talk to so im just sending it and hoping this isn’t a burden on you because i kinds just need to talk.

and to be honest im too scared to send any of this to you. It feels like if i do then shit becomes real. so im probably just gonna retreat to my tumblr and post this there. you’ll probably never see this but I’ve typed it so might as well document it so i can laugh at myself when i supress it all again. anyway, thanks for your time my guy over the years dude.

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ais-n · 7 years

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Hey sorry if this is personal but why do you not talk to Santino anymore did you have a falling out or did you just drifted apart? (I started reading ICoS and I am going to get back to it at first opportunity, but I can't imagine not talking to someone I did such a long project with!)

Hey :) Nah I don’t care if you ask, I wouldn’t mention something online if it bothered me if anyone had follow up questions :) Also, I was on my phone when I posted the original ask/reply so I was less talkative in the explanation than usual because I swear my phone is constantly choosing all the wrong words I’m saying/swiping, and it takes 3 times longer to write anything lol Which aggravates me and makes me write much shorter replies.

So anyway my wording probably made it sound more dramatic than it is XD There is nothing dramatic going on, no worries lol But being me I was like BLAH BLAH BLAH UNNECESSARILY LONG ANSWER TO SIMPLE QUESTION so I put this rambling post behind a cut below just so I’m not cluttering up dashboards ;)

Anyway, I didn’t mean to sound like we’re not talking because it’s some specific anti-talking thing, it’s just one of those things where the formats we use to communicate are not the same, so therefore it kind of becomes less common to have random casual conversations. We’ll email or contact each other if there’s some big thing we need to talk about but the random casual stuff is just not something that happens as much anymore, and that’s usually the place where I would’ve thrown in questions people asked me since it was easy to ask then. Like you know the sort of, “Oh how was your day today? Oh really? Wow that sucks. Oh yeah this person wondered about ___” is easier than emailing just to be like “I got a question about ___ WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS?”

Does that make sense or did I make that 10,000 times more confusing? Lol

As for the reason why, it’s nothing dramatic :) We’ve always had pretty opposite personalities/lives in a lot of ways, which works great when you’re partners on a long term project because it gives really different thoughts on the same topic, making for a more fun writing experience. When we were writing ICoS we devoted time every week to it. When we first met/started working on it, I was in college and he was doing different jobs, we were both online constantly, he didn’t have kids, and I didn’t have my dog, so it was easy to sit for hours and hours and talk online about whatever. But as time passed our schedules stopped lining up as well, our jobs meant we sometimes had differing schedules, he’s been doing a lot of solo stuff which takes a lot of effort and time for him to devote to it, I’ve become completely fucking obsessed with One Piece Treasure Cruise and YouTube and spend most of my nights on them, and so on.

Along those lines, in terms of social media we’re different again lol I think he tends to be most active on Twitter and Facebook, and those are the two social media sites I HAAAAATTTEEEEEEEE so I’m almost never on them. I deactivated my Facebook months ago and really want to delete it, probably will someday. And Twitter is totally not my jam; I basically only go there occasionally to see what funny pics Dan or Phil posted. So I’m not on them to have casual convos with anyone, even him, because I don’t ever use those sites. If I’m going to be doing something social media, for me it will be on YouTube or Tumblr, both of which he’s on less often. I was big into Snapchat for a while too, and he doesn’t even have that at all. I use email a lot otherwise to communicate with people, and email doesn’t work the best for him for communication these days.

So it’s mostly a byproduct of the places we hang not being the same spaces, and the ways we communicate not lining up, so we just don’t end up having that contact which makes it easier to throw questions in.

All that being said, we had planned to look into editing Afterimage for the DC version this summer. I’m not sure if that plan has changed or not but if it hasn’t, I’m sure we’ll be more in communication then.

idk I kind of have the personality where I’m like, if you’re my friend and I know you’re my friend and we get along and all that jazz, then it doesn’t really matter to me if I don’t talk to you for months or however long. You’re still my friend, I’ll still contact you if something comes up where it makes sense to me to contact you for it. My best friend from high school who I haven’t seen or even talked to in YEARS is still one of my best friends in my mind. I just emailed her the other day to let her know about this Weird Al collection I’m SO EXCITE about and we talked as if no time had passed. But I would also be a terrible person to ask about the current status of her projects because I wouldn’t know lol I had no idea they live in the city they live in now, or that they’re thinking of moving to this or that state, or she has this new job now, because we just don’t have those ongoing casual chats.

That’s all I meant in that post--that I’m probably just slowing people down if they ask me anything because I’ll probably be like, “Sorry, I don’t know! You can ask him :)” and I end up being just one more step between Question and Answer lol

#ask ais #random stuffs!#I had some tag at some point for stuff related to us but fuck if I remember it #CAN'T BE BOTHERED SRY #I'll just tag it this random rambling stuff instead #because I'm a PROFESSIONAL #XD #thekidsalreadyknow

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caepaecaesurae · 7 years

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> Last week sometime...

caepaecaesurae ... I apologize for the #tyrian/ tag, by the by. My moirail has trouble wvith your alternates, that he is still wvorking through. brackishbarracuda so i noticed i didnt mean to start shit caepaecaesurae You havwen't, and he holds no animosity. Only memories. brackishbarracuda i cant reely say shit tbh w u i used to have the same problem w certain cronus alts i aint gonna go into it but im betta than i was

caepaecaesurae .. There are so vwery many things wvrong wvith certain Cronus alternates. brackishbarracuda an nearly all a mine are fucked so caepaecaesurae I'm glad you're doing better ..and that the entire Ampora line is not currently completely poisoned for you. brackishbarracuda trust me theres a few i could stand to see w a head on a different end a the room than the rest a them but i got double diamonds and both are v much amporas caepaecaesurae There's some that -I- wvould be inclined to separate from themselvwes. brackishbarracuda aight if im bein honest its one in particular and its an erian so i still count that as improvement caepaecaesurae I'd agree. WVas he perchance recently invwolvwed in the dashcourse? brackishbarracuda i dont think so i aint been payin attention i dont mind a name drop if ur currious just dont out me aboat it its complicate complicated efin caepaecaesurae Reasonable. ... I don't speak wvith many Eridans, I suspect it's not likely to come up, so I'll abstain. brackishbarracuda as in dont tell me or u wont out me caepaecaesurae Don't tell me -- I wvouldn't out you either wvay. brackishbarracuda s fair caepaecaesurae But this wvay, I'm not likely to read his page out of curiosity. Or ask a thousand questions that aren't my business. I'm afraid I'm as gossipy as Arlequin can be. brackishbarracuda trust me tho if he shows up and starts shit youll kno who it is caepaecaesurae Do let me knowv if you evwer need a hand. brackishbarracuda pike i said its complicated 38/ and f reel tho i aint mind questions from u in particular caepaecaesurae If you're certain, then -- wvho, and dare I ask his specific failings? brackishbarracuda violaceousvanity too many to fuckin count brackishbarracuda most a which is fuckin w my rails pusher an holdin the fact said rail had feelins for him over my damn head when i was low caepaecaesurae .. Ugh. brackishbarracuda im really tryin naut to go on a tirade aboat every fuckin thing hes done wrong bc i wont stop if i get started its platonic af caepaecaesurae I knowv the feeling. Aye, interference in romantic affairs often can be. brackishbarracuda hes still a part a my rails past tho before i knew him and he swears hes his friend so im over here just shruggin violently brackishbarracuda ur ugh in response was afishiated tho its hard to properly disgusted w somebody existence when other ppl aint as pissed as u are

Last Wednesday at 2:44 PM

caepaecaesurae I sympathise. Interpersonal conflicts of that nature are... Awvkwvard at best. caepaecaesurae Pardon for disappearing on you. brackishbarracuda nah shit happens u aight caepaecaesurae > Caesurae looked at that question, blankly, for over a minute before he could bring himself to quietly facepalm, sigh, and gather his words. Sleep came unexpectedly, that's all. brackishbarracuda count ur blessings i had to watch cats the musical before i could get my wrigs to fall the fuck asleep caepaecaesurae You havwe wvrigglers? I feel like I should havwe knowvn, sorry for the inobservwance. brackishbarracuda i dont talk aboat them much naut publicly anyway brackishbarracuda too much shit can go wrong but yeah i got five a them caepaecaesurae It's easier to protect something no one knowvs about. Gods, that seems daunting. brackishbarracuda i mean they aint mine i kinda inherited them but they mine u feel cept one ones actually mine caepaecaesurae I believwe Arlequin had a fewv sprung on him wvhen it turned out one of his flings came from a timeline wvith interesting biology. He adores havwing a massivwe family for church reasons though. brackishbarracuda yeah caepaecaesurae May I ask about the inheritance? brackishbarracuda bouy seems pike hed b happy just havin em drip off him while he fucks around in the kitchen caepaecaesurae That's fairly accurate, aye. brackishbarracuda dead red caepaecaesurae I'm sorry. brackishbarracuda they didnt really have anybody else me and the rails look after em caepaecaesurae Good that someone or something does. If you havwen't ended up lusus-bonding wvith them yet you might be able to get them lusii in a timeline somewvhere. I suspect you havwe though, by the sound of it. brackishbarracuda loz would raise from his fuckin ashes and haunt my ass if i ever got rid a them especially now brackishbarracuda theyre mine caepaecaesurae I'm glad you care for them. I'm...familiar wvith the concept from Beforus, and from my moirail's family. It's not something I'vwe personally evwer wvanted, but I'm glad it suits you. Are they young, still ? brackishbarracuda it aint someifn i ever personally wanted either tbpfh w u little shits grow on u yeah caepaecaesurae Has Arlequin met them yet? brackishbarracuda ach is the oldest and shes under five sweeps and ayas the youngest and shes in a coon rn i think we planned on it but it aint happened yet brackishbarracuda lotta shit goin on rn caepaecaesurae I suspect he'd enjoy it quite a bit. He adores spoiling wvrigglers. brackishbarracuda yeah i can sea that lmao hes a big cod damn nerd brackishbarracuda hey i got a question caepaecaesurae Aye? Fire at wvill. brackishbarracuda do u no anybody youd trust w a needle pike tattoos do u think arlequin would kno anybody in the church oar caepaecaesurae I knowv Porrim has a studio here, though I'd havwe to gently feel out howv she feels about seadwvellers. I'm sure Arlequin knowvs howv to apply tattoos in the old wvay, wvith hand-made tools and ointments rather than wvhat one wvould vwisualise in a modern tattoo parlor. I'm sure Nadaya wvould knowv someone, and could ask, if that wvould be of use. brackishbarracuda idk if i trust his evaluation of i trust u naut to kill me while u do this but yeah if u could ask around so i got options id afishiate it tbh isle still probubbly sea what arlequin can do seein as i already trust him caepaecaesurae Arlequin I wvould trust completely to do blackwvork. If he specifically says he can do brilliant colors and gradients, I'd believwe him on those too. I trust Nadaya not to put other people into stupid situations. He tries plenty of things himself he wvould not consider for others. brackishbarracuda thats fair caepaecaesurae I'll see if I can put together a list for you -- and I'll mention wvho each recommendation came from, as wvell. I'vwe been somewvhat tempted to look into it myself, I just havwen't been able to think of a design I wvanted. At least anything that wvasn't somewvhat trashy. brackishbarracuda hell let it be trashy caepaecaesurae References to the Kraken brackishbarracuda lMAO caepaecaesurae A tramp stamp, if I could bring myself to it brackishbarracuda PLZ I N-E-ED T)(IS caepaecaesurae Haha Gods. Maybe. brackishbarracuda oh my shi t absofuckinlutely i am behind this and behind u so i can stare at it caepaecaesurae I appreciate the vwote of confidence. "This side up" brackishbarracuda im la ughign i swear to fuck man embrace that shit caepaecaesurae On the one hand, yes. On the other, if I don't, I can fake being a vwery dignified older man at wvill. And people wvho don't knowv me wvill believwe it. brackishbarracuda i mean thats fair but u can do that w some paint an sealer caepaecaesurae ..Oddly true. Of course, I could put on a vwariety of different tramp stamps at wvill in the same wvay. brackishbarracuda embrace ur inner trash prince caepaecaesurae You are a terrible influence, but I'm almost intrigued enough to put together a selfie. brackishbarracuda i am tho caepaecaesurae This Side Up is the best one I can think of. Maybe a reference to the Gunshowv WVhat are some other good ones, vwisible from the front? I am preparing something. brackishbarracuda suns out guns out has alwaves been a personal fav isle ahab ur crosshairs idfk visual pun put ahabs on ur bicep caepaecaesurae Oh, perfect brackishbarracuda i am all for this please dear cod also ur attractive just fyi caepaecaesurae Thank you, I appreciate that. You as wvell, from the pictures I'vwe seen. brackishbarracuda the reactions ur getting are worth this shit alone caepaecaesurae Oh, aye, I need to do this more often. brackishbarracuda u reely do i almost wanna reblog the dam thing again caepaecaesurae One feature of tumblr that I personally appreciate is the ability to schedule posts to go off at pre-determined times years into the future. brackishbarracuda oh my shit ohhh my shit caepaecaesurae And you look at your dashboard, and you ask yourself "WVhen did I reblog that -- Oh. Ohhhhhhhhh right." brackishbarracuda i am here for this brackishbarracuda plz at least keep the gun caepaecaesurae Hah. I don't knowv. The tiny one? brackishbarracuda yeah i mean its easily hidden w sleeves an its a good ice breaker caepaecaesurae It is at that. If I did, I'd probably ask Arlequin to apply it for real. Things I imagine into place are easy to imagine awvay again. brackishbarracuda i nearly said id imagine so and stopped myself wtf me caepaecaesurae I can imagine it, and I wvouldn't havwe caught it. brackishbarracuda hes doin aight if ur currious thats my rails caepaecaesurae I'm glad he is. brackishbarracuda i get over excited about the bouys so i apologize in advance caepaecaesurae Hah. Both vvic and his brother? Enthusiasm is a blessing, enjoy it. brackishbarracuda yeah f reel tho they aint get out much so im over here wavin a lil flag when they talk to ppl on their own caepaecaesurae I havwe a fewv friends like that. Thankfully theyvwe started getting along wvith one another, wvhich is nice. brackishbarracuda tru tf to that

Last Wednesday at 6:44 PM

brackishbarracuda are u sugestin arlequin is a wrong choice caepaecaesurae No, I just knowv Arlequin wvell and don't knowv if he knowvs him. Arlequin making more positivwe social contacts is good. brackishbarracuda (that was a joke ) tru af tho caepaecaesurae I'm not that great at jokes if the punchline is someone being offended, if I'm honest. brackishbarracuda aight fair caepaecaesurae Sorry, chief. brackishbarracuda nah u aint got anyfin to apologize for

#brackishbarracuda #ooc eyes only #discussion of gossip bad tattoos and kids #trashy tattoo jokes ahoy

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dademigods · 7 years

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Do you have any tips on how to gain followers or popularity on tumblr. I have a newish account, and I'm just looking for any ideas. Thanks!

I do have a few. however like I said in my last ask, honestly as much as gaining followers involves working hard, it also involves luck. Anyways, here are my tips:

1.) Be Creative! -You have to give your followers a reason to follow your account and have content that makes it unique. Ofc reblogging stuff is an awesome feature of tumblr, but creating original posts is what will draw people’s attention towards your account. If you do what I do, and pick what “type” of content you want to post, ex: headcanons, incorrect quotes, artwork, etc, try to not copy any other accounts. Even though there are a lot of other incorrect pjo accounts out there, I try my very hardest not to copy them and to find different quotes to the best of my ability and knowledge.

2.) Be Consistent! -Personally, I feel consistency is pretty important, but I’m also a very organized person, so there’s that. Be consistent in what type of content you post, how active you are, your thoughts/ opinions etc. Idk how many of you guys have noticed, but I typically aim to post two incorrect quotes and one headcanon/one-shot/thought post a day, excluding Fridays and the weekend which tends to vary. I mean you obivously don’t have to be that organized but it would be best to not be totally active on day and then not post for like 6 months, lol. Again, people do take breaks, but let your followers know. Along with this, try being clear of what type of content/fandoms you will be posting of. I guess what I’m trying to say with this one is that don’t post say, PJO for posts for two weeks, then just move onto posting Harry Potter posts the next, etc. If you are a multi-fandom acc, or just post random stuff, make it clear to your followers. (This is just my personally opinion, however). Also, be consistent with your thoughts. Now I’m not saying you can’t change your thoughts or opinions, but say in one post you completely bash, apples, and go on a long rant about them, and then the next day, write this long post about how great they are. Another example would be say, shout outs. Don’t give a shoutout to an acc one day, and then the next just decide not to give it to the other. Personally, I don’t give shoutouts if people ask, mostly because I feel like it’s not fair unless I do literally everybody so… Idk, again this section is more of my own opinion.

3.) Find Something You Like and Work Hard! -Honestly your content should be stuff you truly love and find interesting. Don’t pick something just because you know you can get easy likes. I love incorrect quotes since I find them really funny, and trust me, it makes working on my tumblr 10,000 times more enjoyable since I love what type of content I am creating. As I have said before, as much as luck is involved with gaining followers, so is hard work. Ngl, some nights it takes me like 2 hours to find good quotes for two of my pages, however I rather spend that much time finding good, original quotes that really go with certain characters, than spend ¼ of the time and have “okayish” quotes.

4.) Do It Because You Love It! -Again, like many things, you shouldn’t make a tumblr acc or make posts because you want to get followers or likes. You should do it because you truly love what you are posting about and want to share you thoughts and content on it.

5.) Steer Clear of Drama/ Own Up to Your Mistakes! -Now personally, I have not been involved with fandom drama, (not that there’s really much in this fandom, thank god), but I have made mistakes on some of my posts, specifically one, I came off as just lazily associating a movie with a character because of their race, and there have been other times where I have got little details wrong, such as an event already happening, or the eye color of a major character. Now for the first one, some people didn’t agree with me, and I totally respect that, and kinda think it’s cool that they called me out on it I told them from where I was coming from, and was just generally glad to have a civilized convo about it. As to the latter, I owed up to my mistakes and fixed them. I think it’s important to not attack anyone if they don’t agree with you or point out a mistake.

6.) Express Yourself! -Honestly, I feel like your Tumblr should be an expression of yourself. Don’t try to be someone your not, just put yourself out there! You are what makes your Tumblr unique! This can simply be using your own humor, ideas, or personality. I mean, I like to think my Tumblr reflects who I am, but who knows.

7.) Use Tumblrs Features To Your Advantage! -Tumblr has so many great features that makes it stand out against other social media platforms. Drafts, queue, asks, and submissions, along with the option to make your own cite are just a few things that make Tumblr so interactive and special. Drafts are good for if you have inspiration for something but just don’t know it how to get it just right and want to work on it later, and queue, along with scheduled posts, are really good when you know you are busy and are going to be away but still want to post content. I honestly love asks and submissions so much because they allow your Tumblr to be a lot more immersive, and allows you to interact with your followers on a whole new level. Making your own cite can also be fun, however there’s kinda more of a side feature.

That’s all my tips for now, and these are honestly just stuff I have learned from my experiences so they may or may not work. Hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to shoot me another ask!

#asks #answered asks #tumblr tips #tips

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fourteenacross · 7 years

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2016 in writing

2016 in fic! This looks SO empty compared to past years, even if it's roughly the same amount of words! Hamilton: i saw the whole story unwind (132,888) Opening Break (3,531) Remote Capture (3,483) Not Your Average Bear! (1,835) Ghost Included (we hope) (2,941) but i won't go far away (12,577) the constellations aligned (10,004) the air grows cold around me and you (27,268) a way to hang the sun up in the sky (9,510) we'll have to muddle through somehow (8,513) Ficlets: Lazy Day (924) Cryptids (1,904) John's Instagram (1,443) Skeptic Refuted Fan Speculation (???)* Apocrypha (aka shit I wrote that takes place after the stuff in the main stories that may be disregarded/discarded as the next three stories develop): For Hire: Ghost Hunter (551) Three Wishes (2,446) Ouija Boards are NOT ALLOWED (1,139) Reality Show (1,538) Star Wars (2,441) X-Men Alternate Timeline Movies: Who Needs Sleep? (2,535) Fifty Dollars and First Impressions (3,574) Ficlets: Alex/Darwin Bookstore AU (343) Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries: Phryne/Jack Fake Married (588) Grand Total Fandoms: 3 Grand Total Stories: 23 Grand Total Word Count: 231,976* * I haven't written the transcription of this ficlet yet and I'm too lazy to do it right now, so it's not included in the total. Overall Thoughts: Well, this is a very different list than it's been for the past five years or so. The fandom switch aside, I didn't post any full stories until September, just a handful of tumblr ficlets. I also posted two things chapter-by-chapter, one as a WiP, which--wow, reminder that I NEVER WANT TO DO THAT AGAIN, it's far too stressful! The bulk of the words are all in the same verse, and I'm not even counting the words that I wrote and haven't posted yet, jeez. This stupid universe. I simultaneously hate and love it. Writing an epic WiP in a new fandom was really rough. I'm ultimately thrilled with the finished product--waiting until it was all finished made me redraft over and over again until things fit together the way I wanted. It left me space to go back and seed things that I wanted to develop as I went...I really think the finished product is way better than it would have been if I'd rushed and posted it before it was done. That all being said, gosh, it was lonely. It was so, so lonely, when writing epics usually involves a lot of bouncing ideas off of people and letting them read and suggest as I draft and really digging into the process, etc. There were a couple of people who popped in and out, but life and other interests got in the way (which makes sense considering this went on for NINE MONTHS), and, man, I missed being able to text and IM people will story ideas at all hours and feel confident that they'd be interested in what I had to say. (For all the texting I do, I am actually super shy about it? I'm super nervous about initiating unless I'm 100% positive I won't be bothering the other person, which limits my texting confidence to like, my back-up bunnies and Erica.) Anyway, that's all to say that this year was a very different experience, fandom writing-wise, but I think I learned a lot in the process so...hooray?

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you'd predicted? This year I think my main goal was "FINISH PART ONE OF THE GHOSTHUNTERS" without a specific word count attached, so I succeeded in that part? Knowing me, I probably wanted to crack 300k at least, and while I'm sure I WROTE over 300k this year, what I actually published is about on par with the last couple years, so. NUMBER wise, I think I imagined I'd have a greater output vis-a-vis completed stories, but a lot of the shit I wrote was on the longer side, so. What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January? Hm. Well, there's a lot more porn in the ghosthunters than is in most of the fic I've written, traditionally, but nothing really shocking. Most of it was ghosthunters words, so...yeah. I guess the Angel/Raven was sliiiightly a surprise because I figured if I had to step in and write some SM pinch-hits it would be all Charles/Erik stuff, but I really liked that story and I have shipped that pairing for many years so....not super a surprise. What's your own favorite story of the year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you happiest? I loved a lot of the stories I wrote this year, because I'm super obsessed with myself. [[< -- I think I've kept that sentence in for the past few years because it remains true]] I really love most of the ghosthunters shit, but if I had to pick a favorite....idk, I'm torn between i saw the whole story unwind because it's so epic and took so long and I put so much into it and the constellations aligned, because it came so easily and I'm a total sap and it's a totally sappy story. Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them? Sitting on the ghosthunters until the first part was complete was new. Like I said above, that kind of patience and planning was difficult, but I think the end product was much better for it. So what I learned is probably "sit on a story for a couple days after you finish." I've always tried to employ at least cursory beta readers and done read-throughs after finishing, but the slower approach does actually lead to a better product. IMAGINE THAT. My best story of this year: Best? Hm. It's hard to compare i saw the whole story unwind to anything else, given it's length and the breadth of subjects it covers, so I'd say probably that or but i won't go far away, which deals with a lot of intricate emotions and explanations. My most popular story of this year: Okay, see, I wrote two chaptered stories this year and chaptered stories totally throw off your stats. Hit counts, kudos count, comment count...all of that is inflated by repeatedly pushing those fics to the top of the tags and having people come back for each chapter and all of that. Still, I'm p sure that i saw the whole story unwind was the most popular story? And I think a lot of that can be attributed to the above facts and also to the fact that it's the oldest and the longest and the first in the series, but...I'm gonna go with it anyway. Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: I don't know that any of them are! Again, probably because most of them are in the same series, but...yeah, I'm pretty happy with the response to everything. I remember thinking at the time that there was something weird going on with the hit count for but i won't go far away because the hits-to-kudos ratio was WAY off. There were way too many hits accumulating in the first couple days it was up, like, way more than usual, even though kudos were accumulating at the correct rate? It was strange. And I did feel like that one got slightly less attention than some of the others, but that might be a mind trick based on that weirdly inflated hit count. Most fun story to write: Hm, I got a kick out of doing the twitter ficlet, and I wrote the constellations aligned in basically one sitting, so. Story with the single sexiest moment: This is one of the few years I have a lot to choose from. I think John's slow, intoxicated seduction in the constellations aligned probably wins that award. Definitely sexier than the sweet and kind of goofy sex scene in i saw the whole story unwind or the contemplative one in but i won't go far away. Story with the single sweetest moment: Hmmmmmmmm. "Sweet" is kind of my whole deal, and I like to think there's a lot of sweetness in my stories overall. I'm going to choose i saw the whole story unwind for this one and pin the sweetest moment in question as either Alex and John driving up to Peekskill or the two of them talking after Alex's nightmare. Most "Holy crap, that's wrong, even for you" story: Nothing really. Nothing cracky for me this year. Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters: I mean, this whole series has been a lesson in picking apart these characters and seeing how they tick. So. Hardest story to write: i saw the whole story unwind, for sure. Jesus, it took me forever to finish and I was entirely despairing during parts of it. Biggest Disappointment: Just that I didn't finish more, I think. Biggest Surprise: People actually getting so into the ghosthunters. I honestly didn't expect anyone to read any of these stories and to have a tiny group of people who seem to eagerly await each new part...it really warms my heart and makes me so happy. I can't overstate who wonderfully surprising that has been. Most Unintentionally Telling Story: I think there are a lot of places where I project pretty hard on John, or maybe it's that I use a lot of my own experiences to color some of his? We don't actually have much in common besides being gay and being depressed, and I'm older and (I hope) wiser, but, you know, mental illness is a deep well to mine for content. I'd also say I mine a lot of my Jersey shit for Herc and that Molly is the closest thing this series has to a Mary Sue. I'm not into science or math, but I am a cheerfully sarcastic fat brunette lesbian who spends a lot of time whining "why don't girls like me?" and as Opinions about pizza. Plans for the next year: I'm gonna say 300k published words next year. I'd like to post at least the next three ghosthunters anchor stories, maybe venture outside ghosthunters for Hamilton related shit? Pick up my MG novel again. Set a writing schedule and try to stick to it. Leave more comments. Try to put some more good in the world, because it's gonna be a shitty, shitty year.

#2016 #stuff about me #writing is hard

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mcrmadness · 4 years

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I still haven’t gone to sleep and it’s already 9am. But I went to sleep at 9am yesterday too so what is new anyway... I also still smell the smell of smoke in my nose and I’m slowly getting used to it even tho I feel like I’m standing in a cloud of smoke and need to get away, but I can’t because there’s actually nothing smelling like that. I googled things and I’m slightly afraid of going to sleep because of the things I can find with google and I have health anxiety. I was already hopeful that it’d be migraine because I read that some people have “phantom smells” as the aura symptom for migraine and I’ve never had that but this odor of smoke is just so strong. I’m also having PMS which makes my nose work differently anyway, cats’ treats smelled like strawberries today. So I was almost cheering up today when I thought I was going to have migraine attack but didn’t have it after all. And this is the first time I actually wish for migraine because I want this phantom smell to be migraine and nothing serious, and I want it gone, and migraine might make it disappear. But this is really making me so exhausted and to have mild sensory overload and sometimes I find it even hard to breathe because my brains think I’m breathing in smoke. (At my parents’ house it smelled like cigarette smoke again, at my home just like burn trash smoke.) But yeah, whenever my health anxiety strikes, I often can’t go to sleep and I try to do something that I could fall asleep meanwhile doing because the moment of falling asleep in darkness and silence feels really distressing and horrible.

Anyway, I was left with very mixed feelings from my today’s dive into my old Tumblr messages (but got maybe like 10 to show up and now it doesn’t show any of them anymore but I also don’t want to use the ‘delete all messages’ because there’s 500 messages, or so it says, I sometimes can be bit of a hoarder). I don’t necessarily like it because, idk, I feel like getting so focused on old messages, posts, blog posts and diary pages yeets me straight into those years and it can be bit difficult for me to again get the hold of the year I’m living right now. At the same time I love the feeling of diving into those memories but at the same time I hate it because they make me sad and feel as if someone died just because those are MEMORIES that are already quite old, and I can’t feel the time, and I dissociate (derealization/depersonalization) a lot on almost a daily basis.

But I’m also feeling like I’ve been with my own thoughts for too long now. Really feeling like I need to talk with _someone. And not just talk TO someone but with, since I already keep writing on Tumblr and whatnot but when I get no responces, no notes, nothing, I just feel so invisible and it feels like being to a therapy without a therapist. Okay I’m sorry, didn’t mean to call my followers/mutuals as therapists, I know it’s wrong and I’ve been told often about how it makes people feel uncomfortable. It’s just so normal to me, I talk about mental health just like people talk about weather. It’s just a topic along with all the others. Anyway, usually I’m my own therapist tho. I haven’t even been to an actual therapy in months because the corona fucked up everything and neurpsychiatric training meeting was canceled which made me to totally forget about the therapy meeting, and my therapist didn’t even call me that day which was why I was starting to have anxiety because I was no longer sure of anything at all. And since then she has tried to call me a few times but I’m always sleeping* when she calls me and my phone is on mute, and I tried to call her back once but she did not answer nor call back in weeks, and on all of the other days I’m just procrastinating and deciding to try calling her back tomorrow or next week. I also often forget that I should all her and when I finally remember that, it’s already so late because I get up super later too. Or I remember it but want to eat and drink my tea first and then I forget about it again.

*I don’t want to answer to phone from sleep because I hate it when people hear from my voice that I was sleeping because I just feel like people are going to judge me and my life choices. Talking of that, I really, really hate meeting my neighbours at any times. And my neighbour was trying to be friendly to me the other day, talking and asking things, I talked normally but I was so happy of the fact I was wearing sunglasses because it’s so easy to escape behind them. Anyway, she asked if I am coming home at nights because I often move around that time and she found it hilarious thought that I get back home an hour before they have to get up. Like, okay, whatever. But seriously. I’ve so often heard about how my sleeping schedule is stupid, how I should “try to sleep at ‘people’s time’“, how I answer the phone and I can hear from the negative tone when they say “so you’re still sleeping...”, well this is mainly how my dad speaks to me about my sleeping habits, that I’ve got this stuck to my mind and whenever I do something “weird”, I’m constantly trying to come up with excuses for why I’m possibly doing that, other than just because I can. I mean, coming at home at night? Like, that is no one’s fucking business but still the fact someone has noticed me doing so makes me feel so bad. I feel like a failure and I feel like I have no proper answer, I told my neighbour that I’m not working but I do sometimes come home very late and I keep moving around in my flat at night too. But I hate that kind of conversation because I feel like if I say that I’m just at home 24/7 and that just is my sleeping schedule, people would judge me.

And I actually don’t hate anything more than when people do not say aloud what they think but when you can read from their face their true opinion. I hate seeing it because it’s just 10 out of 10 cases when I talk with “adults” or the older generation, they will look disappointed when you say you don’t have the regular sleeping schedule (which is something society has decided being the only good one). I just feel so ashamed of it. And I’ve been doing this since I was 15, always at home trying to walk as quietly as possibly so that my parents would not wake up to ask me “are you STILL up???” and I often went to bed right before my dad woke up and I was doing things, reading or writing, and whenever he would move in the living room, I turned off my lights and tried not to make any sounds and pretend sleeping in case he’d notice. He has never been mean, but just the sound of his voice when he so often asked me why aren’t I sleeping yet or have I yet again stayed up the whole night just... I hate that tone in people’s voices. And I’ve been living alone for 5 years and still every time I move here or do something, I imagine my neighbours hearing that and wondering to themselves why is that person still up. And I try to come up with “excuses” that could be true, maybe I was to somewhere, maybe I had long day at work (I don’t work atm), like, who the fuck cares, but still I try to come up with something because I feel like “just for fun” is an answer people will always judge me for. There’s always something wrong with me for wanting to stay up the whole night. Therapists, doctors, everyone always trying to tell how I should fix the sleeping schedule, how 11am is maybe still a liiiiiitle bit too late for getting up, why not e.g. 9am instead? And I’ve so often tried to explain to people what my natural circadian rhythm is and how it keeps moving all the time etc. but people always keep telling me that it’s something we can train our brains to change. But I fucking can’t. I was working for almost 5 years straight and I had to do 7:30 mornings every day (and occassionally 6am mornings) and let me tell you, I never ever felt awake until the clock hit the noon. I was always nearly falling asleep on that chair if I sat there for longer than 15 minutes but when noon happened, I was no longer feeling tired. And I could not go to sleep before midnight or 1am because there just wasn’t enough hours in one day for me to recover from work which is why I used my potential sleeping hours for that.

And the biggest reason for this annoying me so much is not that I’d hate my own sleeping schedule, I think it’s perfectly fine for me, but the fact that I constantly feel bad for it because if people know, they will judge me and almost always tell me their opinion about it too. And their opinion is often about how I’m faulty and should fix it asap.

#mcrmadness' random stuff #personal #long post #loneliness #rsd?

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chickenstuffedwithmozzarella · 6 years

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Holii! Yesterday your inbox was hungry again and ate the ask number 8 :( (i don’t really know if the problem lies on your inbox or im doing something wrong when sending the asks tbh). Im sending it again only bcs it was the first part of the two asks i send about my sister, and maybe getting only half of it doesn’t make that much sense. You don’t have to answer, it just bothered me, sorry xd

Awwwww, I have customer that always says holiiiii!!! When she comes. And now she reminds me of you, jajajaa. But I read your holiii!!! with her voice 😅. I counted yesterday asks and there were 10, so maybe this time the problem was in your end 😝😝?? I see we’re both geeks of tech things,jajajajaja. Also, where is the message about your sister again??? jajajajajaj 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ what a pair. I thinks is just Tumblr, that is shit… jajaja

I saw the video of SOOT/Durkink. I wasn’t expecting that and i laughed too loud. JAJAJAJA. Also, i don’t know if you have instagram, but did you see Liam’s stories? He tried singing JBalvin parts and it was a mess. I guess they can now understand my struggle. He looked so lost, poor baby. That was even better than “una sacapuntas”. 😂 Anyway, i’m going to answer you now. (oh, and i’m sorry but for me its no under the cut. No even if i log in and read it on my dash).

Jajajajajja, it was very funny, wasn’t it? I’m gonna tag you in everything that makes me laugh,jajajajaja. Awwww, liam was so cuteeeee. I laughed so much as his puppy face. He looked so lost. He was so convinced he was talking Spanish… ayyyyyy. It’s a 10 for the effort. I kept thinking: that’s how I must sound singing in English,jjajajaja.

Here we go. Okay, first of all,i have to say that this new distribution was so confusing the first time i read dit, bcs it took me a while to figure out what were my asks and what were your answers, so at times i started reading and went…uuumh, that sounds familiar, i could have written that. Waaait… 🤦 🤦 🤦 Quite lame, jajajajaja. (1)

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I’M SO SORRY FOR THAT MESS!!! I wrote everything in a note. And your asks were in bold. And when I started I thought: remember to check later that it stays this way on tumblr!! Butttttt, when the time came I was SO SLEEPY!!! I totally forgot!!! 😅😅. So, I’ll go back to normal this time, just in case (though I’m writing it the same way. I hope I don’t forget later🙏🏻). Also, I wanted to tell you a lot more, but I forgot everything,jajaja.

Yees, im feeling better, thanks for asking

Well, if it was fatigue, you have the whole weekend to rest. Hope your feeling better. Lol, I feel the same, jejeje, when I see you’ve messaged me, I’m like: how do I let her know I’ve read it, but I can’t answer now??? Asjkxs;sjdhcbuidsljd

I’ve been streaming it since yesterday, and imo is not bad. There’s only one sentence im feeling a bit ambivalent about, bcs im picky like that, but i think its quite good. I cant wait to hear it on the radio and tell everybody “THATS MY SON”(My friends are gonna freak out when they discover that for once, i know the lyrics of a JBalvin song. JAJAJAJ). You have to work 10h each day? That’s a long shift. Is that your usual schedule or is only this weekend? Espero que te sea leve 😘 (3)

I heard it again today, for a bit. And it isn’t reggeatton exactly? It doesn’t have that rhythm that I hate, jajjaja. So I think I’ll be able to listen to it. I haven read the lyrics yet, so I can’t tell you anything about it :/ Same about my friends,jajajjaa. I think mine are gonna be more shocked about me knowing a song in Spanish,jajajaja. They’re always teasing about not liking Spanish music. Which is not true, but well… 🤷🏻‍♀️ What sentence you don’t like? And my shit is parted, so al least I have a couple of hour of rest. It’s how small shops work. So 🤷🏻‍♀️ I don’t have to be back till next Saturday, so… jajajajaja

Ohhh. (I see what you did with IICF lyrics. Smart girl). I was indeed paying attention. I swear. I took notes and answered you at the same time. I’m used to take notes of the subjects while doing essays, so it wasnt hard. Your taxes are on safe hands, don’t worry. My indecisiveness help me broke the system. You choose the pink??? Well done!💖 (4. I think? Why do i lost track so easily?)

How lucky you are, you can pay attention to more than one thing. If smartphones and SM had been a thing back on my student days, I would have failed everything. In fact I did. The first time I had internet at home, I was 15. Oh god! The memories. Back then, Terra’s chat (that you probably don’t know what it is. I myself, don’t remember exactly either) was very popular to talk to people. I met a guy. Ah! My first real crush. We talked everyday via Messenger!! Awwww, he was 17. We talked so much… jajajajajaja I was pretty obsessed. We talked from 6pm (it was when my internet started to be cheaper), till 12am (bc we both had to wake up early the next morning. Oh my god!!!!! Jajjajaja. One day I told him my real age (he thought I was 16), and then we lost contact. Ay! my first love,jajajaja. We never met. ANYWAY!! This all just to tell you that I failed 6/11 class subjects that the first trimester!! It was the first time I had failed ANY class! And ended failing the whole year 🤦🏻‍♀️. So, good for me to not have had an iPhone back then,jajajaja.

Yes me too. With some of the shirts from Harry’s merch I feel like they didn’t even try. Lyrics with a font that looks like Times New Roman… Really? And yes. They are expensive. You haven’t decided it yet? Do they usually have the same things that in the web? Do they have more As you see, im not very versed in merchandising or concerts. Enlighten me pls. (I must say, i’m loving the Honey updates). (5).

I don’t even know what/where/IF they sell merch at Niall’s concert. I would think they do, but 🤷🏻‍♀️. I think I’d buy a shirt. I have the shirt Steve sold for JHO (all black, with Louis and Steve’s silhouettes on the breast, and just hod on written in the back); and the shirt of Harry’s concert. So I’ll like to have one for each of the boys. I’ll see.jejeje.

Yes, it makes perfect sense. I totally get it. When I first heard OMO I thought “lol, me”. And when i heard Mirrors i though “not so lol. Me too”. I was so touched when he explained what was the reason that made him wrote Mirrors. He is too pure. We are so lucky to have him. After hearing your story i can assure you; i’m never going to get a lip ring. Never. Do you still have it to this day? 9 ear piercings? I still have to find the energy to go and get a 2nd one. (6)

One of the things I’m loving about the hiatus, it’s my new love for Niall. When I first knew the band I thought: I can understand why people like all the boys, but Niall? What’s is there to like??? And oh girl, was I wrong! In my humble opinion, he’s the one who’s having the best solo career. Not based in awards or anything like that ( I don’t think successfulness is marked with that). But I don’t know, he’s making a name for him. He had it so “difficult”. Because when people heard his name, they didn’t put a face or a gossip story behind it. But step by step his making himself known, and I’m very proud. And I love his music. And I love to hear him talking in interviews. And those work out sessions are paying off, ajajajajajjaaajsj. So, all my respect to him. (To te rest too, eh 😜)9 ear piercing plus the ones you “get born” with!!! Jajaja. Those were the 00s,jajjajaja.

Well, they cant be much cheaper than now, right? Bcs now we have to pay for separate tickets. That way would be just 1. Let’s see. They would play all of their songs from Four. Almost all of the tracks from Made in the AM and MM. Compulsorily. But i let them have creative license choosing which songs from UAN & TMH they want to play. Im no dictator. What about you? What would you choose? A camera? Which kind of camera? I’m sure you’ll use it again. There’s plenty of occasions, trips & so. (6)

See? I was very sleepy, I didn’t thought about that. It would be just one ticket, not four like now. I seriously hate them. They only want me for my money 😡😡😂😂😂😂. My setlist would have to have! Over Again (indispensable), Four’s songs, MITAM’s songs, solo’s songs. Also, the stage would be small, so they had to talk with each other and walk around each other. And I don’t know, I just want them back together, jajajja. The camera I bought is the LUMIX TZ70. I saw someone has posted videos of Harry’s concert from very far away, but it was only his face. Like it had a big BIG zoom. And I went to their IG, and they had the name of their camera as a bio,jajaja, bc people asked them too much. So I looked it up in Amazon. And I bought it. Mymy. Now I only have to go on trips and those things to use it…😅.

Right direction? What a responsibility. Idk. All that topics are really related to what im studying, so i just learn about it in class, and then, outside the classroom, i read as many articles and books as i can. I just read whatever seems interesting to me. Sorry i’m useless. What i wanted to say is that im no expert on any of that subjects, but i find them interesting. Thats all. (Your mom cant recognise Liam? Im surprised bcs Liam has quite a distinctive voice, at least to me). (7)

I think it is interesting. I’d love to know a lot more. I just like to learn new things. And I love when people tell and explain me things when I’ve said something wrong. So, that’s what I meant, jejej, that if I ever say something wrong, feel free to call me out on it, please.I don’t know why she can’t recognize his voice!! She just says: it’s not this or that, so it has to be him,jajajaa. (I need your opinion on zayn and j Bieber, before I go on with this,jajaja).

JAJAJAJ. Sadly i get too many “hmmm, if you want…” with my friends. And they are usually followed by “You all are crazy”. But yeah, whatever. I’m living my truth. I’ll definitely come and talk to you. Dont worry. (8),

Yes please!! You’re always welcomed here with every wild thought you have!! Jajja. I’ll do the same. I’ll write tags post to you whenever I have something to tell you, jajajaja. Now, I’m gonna check my inbox again, to make sure I had t left any ask without answer. You sent 12 asks today?? You’re amazing!! Thanks!! Ayayayay!!! I have to talk to you about a fic I’m reading. I haven’t finish it yet, but girl! It’s one of those I’ve had to stop reading bc it was to cute!!! I have even hugged my iPad because I couldn’t hug Louis,jajaja. Do you read fics?? If that… lets talk, jajajajajja.Last, Honey came to say hello a while back. Their cousins (my sister’s dog) is spending the weekend here with them, because my sister is on a trip, so it will be an eventful weekend, I’m sure, jajajaja.Byeeeee Love!!! ❤️❤️❤️

Pd: answering to the last thing you said yesterday :) LOU IS BACK!!! But how predictable that was!!! Jajajja. Even I said we would see him now that Harry was a world away. Anyway, I love seeing his face. Can’t wait for what it’s to come!! Bring it!! Jajajja

#anon #this looks better doesn't it #jajja #AHHHHH!!! it's 1am!! I’m going to go to bed!!!!#cdncuedndnciefc #I tried the read more again #I don’t know why it doesn't work 😒

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